OCTOBER 1985
It’s just one day after another with nothing
to distinguish it one from another. Work
has become boring and very routine without anyone to talk to. Today is Meg Maden’s birthday and Fran went
over to see her and gave her a set of acrylic nails. I dragged out all our
Halloween decorations of which I have so
much. The car was smoking so badly today that Fran and I both took the bus to work rather than take a chance of
getting a ticket until I can take it I to be looked at. I read that the head of
the Health and Human Services Margaret Heckler is under attack by conservatives
for being to compassionate regarding AIDS
because conservatives consider it a divine curse on Gays.
2 October 1985 Wednesday
The money from our rent deposit still hasn’t
come so now I am feeling like it was lost in the mail. The postal system has
gotten so bad that anything important
has got to be registered to insure delivery. I am upset thinking about
the hassle it will be getting the money from Orange Park Villa now.. It was a
pretty day today with the mountains all red and orange from the changing of the
season. It was 65 degrees so I just walked home from work, cutting through the
public library then down 2nd East. It’s interesting seeing how many
men cruise the third floor men’s room. It was all in the news that actor Rock
Hudson died today of AIDS.
3 October 1985 Thursday
Rock Hudson died of AIDS yesterday and all
anyone at work can talk about is about him having AIDS. People were making
jokes about him being gay and thinking they were being funny. Rock Hudson kept
his being a homosexual a secret because of people like them in the office and
everyone thought he was straight so a lot of people were surprised. I checked the mail and the check from Orange
Park Villa still hadn’t come so I am
more convinced that it was lost. We can get along without until we get another
one issued but what a hassle. It’s the anxiety of dealing with the landlord
again that is upsetting. You can’t trust the mail to ever send something important. Fran went to a home Tupperware party tonight
or was it Mary Kay or something. I didn’t pay any attention as she was mainly
going to get out of the house.
4 October 1985 Friday
After work Fran and I made plans to go to the
movies with Meg and Steve Madsen. We went to see Agnes of God at the Villa
Theater. It was another stupid “mystical
Catholic movie” although jane Fonda,
Anne Bancroft and Meg Tilly were good in it. It was reported in the newspaper
that State Prison authorities in Draper confirmed that a prisoner was exposed
to AIDS but does not have full blown AIDS yet..
Conference
began today so avoided going downtown. Fran wanted to watch some of it but I
didn’t so I went grocery shopping. Rock Hudson’s ashes were scattered at sea
today.
6 October 1985 Sunday
Russell Ballard was called to the Quorum of 12
to replace Bruce McConkie who died last April. Conference was basically the
same. We are the only true church and keep paying your fast offerings. It was a
beautiful fall day for conference goer with it being around 78 degrees. In the
news a bill to fund 190 million dollars for HIV research was voted down by
Utah’s Congressmen James Hanson, David Monson, and Howard Nielsen. Bob Donan of
Orange County had a bill to authorize the surgeon general to shut down Gay bathhouses.
7 October 1985 Monday
It was cold and windy today with a little bit of rain when I went back
to work. A cold front moved in and it was only in the 50’s today and I had to
wear a jacket.
8 October 1985 Tuesday
Rain again for much of the day. Our rent check
finally came as Mom had put down the wrong address and it came back to her and
she resent it last Friday
9 October 1985 Wednesday
It was cloudy and rainy for much of the day
and was in the mid 40’s. Mom called to ask if we got the check and to say that
Grandma Johnson’s two sisters, Aunt
Essie Word in Tucson and Aunt Berthie Clift
in Napa died today. That’s kind of a coincidence unless you believe as I
do that the Lord allowed the two to go together. Aunt Essie was 96 years
old born in 1889 in Jacksboro, Texas. I
think Aunt Berthie was about 93 born in Indian Territory Oklahoma. I can’t remember without looking it up. Mom said that Grandma fell and broke her
wrist and the doctor said she will never have full use of it again. Grandpa
Johnson’s test results showed that he has prostrate cancer but said he would probably die of something
else before that. My brother in law
Dennis Wachs still hasn’t been able to find work yet and Dad will be laid off
in November sometime. I guess everybody else out there is okay.
10 October 1985 Thursday
No Entry
11 October 1985 Friday
Fran and I went to Weber State right after
work where I was able to finish opening
my placement file for teaching.
12 October 1985 Saturday
Fran and I went to Sears Warehouse and bought a dryer and a stereo on our Sears
Credit card as I was tired of having to
go to the laundromat all the time just to dry our clothes.
13 October 1985 Sunday
No entry
14 October 1985 Monday
It was Columbus Day and the office was closed
so Fran and I went clothes shopping. I bought two woolens pull over sweaters, 2
woolen slacks and a shirt at Mervyns in Brickyard Plaza. It all came to $124 and I just am not
used to paying that much money on me.
Then we went to the Crossroads
Mall downtown where I bought a
pair of shoes at Nordstroms, another pair of shoes at Jarmans and a nice warm pull over jacket at Weinstocks. Fran surprised me with a pull over sweater that had ducks on it. I loved it
15 October 1985 Tuesday
I finally found an Overeaters Anonymous
Meeting I liked and attended it this evening.
16 October 1985 Wednesday
I was real tired for much of the day from
having gotten up so early to take the bus into work. Fran said she had to have
the car today and I had to catch the bus at 7:30 to be at work on time. It was
so cold this morning standing on the corner waiting to catch the bus. However,
it was rather warm for most of the day. Our dryer was delivered today. I had to
hook up some electrical stuff for it to work. I guess there’s a little bit of
Dad in me after all. In the news locally
are reports of all the bombings going on in Salt Lake. Yesterday the man who
sold the White Salamander Letters to the
church was blown up in the Judge Building on Broadway and Main and a woman who was married to the man’s business partner
was killed when a bomb intended for her husband went off and killed her
instead. Then today the guy who originally discovered the salamander
letter was blown up in a car bomb but he’s just in critical condition. People
at work think the bombings has something to do with business deal that went
wrong. Weird it’s the talk of the office.
I should write more but I am tired.
17 October 1985 Thursday
Finally received my money from Ticor and a
refund from Cable vision. I received nearly $1600 from Ticor so I sent Mom $500 for the Toyota
and now we only owe her another $500 and then it will be paid off. In the news
Mark Hoffman who discovered the Salamander Letters was blown up in car just
north of Deseret Gym. People are shook up about all the bombings as no one
knows what to think. The paper said that Hoffman had some checks from Steven
Christensen who was the man killed in the Judge Building made out just before
he was killed.
18 October 1985 Friday
Fran and I decided to get out of the house to
go to the movies. We have been arguing all day so we went to the matinee at the
Mann theater on Highland in Cottonwood to see After Hours. There Fran
got mad about me not paying her enough attention and before the show was over
she just took off with the car leaving me stranded. I thought for sure she
would come back to get me so I just stayed
and finished watching the movie but I was really irritated. When it was
evident that she wasn’t coming to get me I just decided there was nothing I
could do but walk home. I cut through a lot of the neighborhood streets but it
was 7 miles down hill and it took me over 3 hours to walk home in the cold and
it was dark. I kept thinking that why am
I still putting up with this. Fran apologized and said she went looking for me
in the car but I was so angry I didn’t want to speak to her.
No matter how mad I ever would be at Fran, I would never have stranded her
anywhere. It really makes me question
our relationship.
19 October 1985 Saturday
I have been fighting with Fran all day. Well
not all day because I took off in the afternoon to get away. I am not feeling
all that well and I really don’t have the patience to humor her. I found out that my Holiday Spa membership is
good up herein Utah except that Saturday is mostly for women, although it is
co-ed from 2 o’clock on. I weighed myself today and I am at 210 which is down
20 pounds since last Christmas. I need to start attending Overeaters Anonymous
meetings regularly again but the few I have found here are all weigh and
measure meetings. I found one near Holy Cross in a medical building but am not
too sure about it. It’s a mixed group and everyone’s higher power is “heavenly
Father”. Fran is sponsoring a girl named
Amy. I am sitting in the front room,
waiting for Meg and Steve Madsen to come over, we made a date with them last
week before we were fighting. We are going to play Trivia Pursuit and have
snacks. All that is in the news is the bombings
in Salt Lake City over the
Salamander Letters. It’s the main topic of conversation in the local news
stations. I wonder if we will ever know the whole story behind it and if it
will ever come out. I finished reading Thomas Noguchi’s book “Coroner” about the death of famous people he had to
deal with as Los Angeles Coroner. It
seems that upon reflecting back, I can see why I am slightly nostalgia because
we made such a clean break at least I
have with my past or at least the association of those who I knew so long ago.
Meg and Steve are about all the friends I still have from any real time back in
the day.
20 October 1985 Sunday
Fran took off with the car today to go to
Levan so I walked down to Liberty Park to read the paper before the weather
changes. Mark Hoffman now seems to be the prime suspect of the bombings that
killed Kathy Sheets and Steven Christensen. Something about the McClellan
Papers that Hoffman said he had that he was going to sell to the Mormon Church.
21 October 1985 Monday
No Entry
22 October 1985 Tuesday
I am still mad at Fran for the stunt she
pulled last week. I went to Overeaters Anonymous to share my feelings. Shannon
Flynn a friend of Mark Hoffman has been arrested and charged with being an
accomplice to Mark Hoffman. I read that now homosexuals cannot donate blood
anymore “because homosexuals are mostly likely to be exposed to AIDS, there is
a rule that a person who has ever had even 1 homosexual experience since 1977,
cannot donate blood.” I guess I no longer
will donate blood even though I am 0 negative the most sought after blood type.
23 October 1985 Wednesday
Ricky
Nelson was in town playing at the Cartoon Club at 115 West Temple. He must like
Salt Lake because he’s been here a lot this month.
24 October 1985 Thursday
No Entry
25 October 1985 Friday
No Entry
26 October 1985 Saturday
No Entry
27 October 1985 Sunday
No Entry
28 October 1985 Monday
Now guys cannot donate sperm because of
AIDS.
29 October 1985 Tuesday
This is so hard to write. I had a phone call
from Mom with some really horribly sad news. My cousin Gregory Lynn Williams
was murdered In Santa Ana, California . He had been strangled and his body
dumped near the civic center where I used to work at Ticor. His wallet was
missing and the police and forensic identified his body from his finger prints.
My Uncle and Aunt, Milton and Marie are back in Texas visiting Milton and Dad’s
cousin Gene Walker when they were told
and Milton called Dad to have him and mom break the news to Stephanie. I
told Fran about it right before going to bed and it seemed like such a bad
dream. Fran cried and cried because both she and I were close to Gregory while we lived in
California. I don’t think he was happy in his life. At one point he went to
live with Mom and Dad until he was a bad influence on James. I pray to Heavenly
Father that he’s surrounded by people who love him now. I really don’t know
anymore surrounding the circumstances of his death. I know at one point he said
he was living on the street and sleeping on roofs of buildings which were safer
at night. The police won’t say anything
until Milton and Marie return to
California . I remember what a sweet
little boy Gregory was. He was the youngest all my cousins and I remember I
used to carry him on my back sometimes.
He seems as he grew older that he felt out of place in this veil of
tears being raised by parents with alcohol issues whose values seemed to be
mostly materialistic. It is no wonder that Greg was so rebellious. Well, I know
somehow, somewhere, if its is at all possible, Grandma Williams is taking care
of him now for she did love him and now
he is with her. Praying to God to help me accept what happened and maybe someday forgive the person who
brought this tragedy to our family. What
upsets me the most is how could someone take another person’s life like that? I
just can’t imagine what must be going on
in Milton and Marie’s heads right now as they drive back to California. Greg
was only 23 years old and that is so very young not to have a chance to
experience life.
30 October 1985 Wednesday
No entry
31 October 1985 Thursday
I tried to have the Halloween spirit and we
did go out partying but my cousin Gegory Williams’ death was on my mind so much of the time. However I
know Greg, and he would be the first to say keep the party going. Today at
work, many people dressed up in costumes and I wore a tuxedo and make up. I brought in three dozen
cupcakes that I made last night. They were a hit. After work I rushed home to
get ready for the trick or treaters to hand out candy. It get’s dark now around
5:30 and the trick or treaters were out early.
We didn’t have all that many so at 7:30 we turned the lights off and
went over to Meg and Steve Madsen’s to see their kid’s costumes. While we were
there, Steven and I visited some while
Fran and Meg went off somewhere Fran asked Meg ad Steve to join us at Carol
Kessler’s where she and her friends were going out partying. Meg and Steve said
they wanted to come so we all met back
our house on Roberta Street. Carol came over with her brother Bob and his wife
Verlinda. Carol was dressed as a witch, Verlinda was a bunny, Bob was dressed
as a King. Meg was a clown, Fran was Tina Turner, and Steve wore a demon mask.
I wore what I had on for work. We went
to the Hilton at 150 West 500 South where there was a Halloween Party happening. It was fun being with Meg and
Steve although Carol Kessler was kind of
a drag by splitting early. I’m not comfortable
being at a night club with all the cocktails but it was interesting
especially the different costumes. The best costume I thought was a person dressed
as an spear chucker with boobs down to her knees. We didn’t get home and to bed
until after 1 in the morning.
NOVEMBER 1985
One of my very favorite comedians Phil Silvers
died today at the age of 74.
2 November 1985 Saturday
Today is my cousin Greg Williams’ funeral. He
was buried at Rose Hills Cemetery in Whittier. He was buried about 25 feet from
Grandma and Grandpa Williams and Aunt Jerry.
I called my uncle Milton and he
said he didn’t want Gregory off by himself where he’d be forgotten. Mom said
she is exhausted from all the cooking and spending time over at Milton and
Marie to be with them and see how they were holding up. She said about 100
people showed up at the funeral between friends of Milton and Marie and
family. Mom said they finally got to
view the body yesterday but the funeral home did such a rush job that it didn’t
look much like Gregory so mom recombed his hair and she said that helped a lot.
After talking to mom, I called Milton and Marie and that was a very hard phone
call to make but I told Milton that we loved Gregory and we love them also and
that I know Greg is with Grandma Williams and with people who love him. I said
that it has to be somewhat comforting to
finally know where Greg is and not worry
all the time what might be happening to him. Milton said that‘s true because
for over a year he woke up every morning afraid of what he might read in the
newspaper about Greg and now that’s over.
I also said to Milton not to let their fighting upset him because nobody
fought more than Dad and I did and I love him. I said I know Greg loves Milton and Marie or he wouldn’t have tried to
vex them so much. Well, it’s too horribly sad that Greg and Milton never got to
resolve their father son relationship in this life.
3 November 1985 Sunday
My stomach is upset I think from the heavy
meat I ate right before going to bed. But more than that I woke up because such
a beautiful song was sung to me. It was so beautiful and was from Gregory . I
can’t remember the words at all just
something about “We are one with the universe” and something about “remembering
all their names , one by one.” It was so clear and beautiful that it made me
cry and woke me up from a deep sleep. It was so beautiful about being with
family again and remembering their names with joy one by one. I then woke up
from the deep sleep I had been in and had to get up because my stomach was
upset. Gee it was beautiful.
4 November 1985 Monday
No Entry
5 November 1985 Tuesday
No Entry
6 November 1985 Wednesday
More sad news
this morning as Fran heard on the radio that President Kimball died last
night. Its all that been on the news for the rest of the day. He was 90 years
old and the President of the Church for almost the entire time I’ve been a
member. When I joined in my 1972 Joseph Fielding Smith was President but he
died that July and Harold B Lee became Church President but he died December 26th in 1973. Then of
Course Spencer W. Kimball became
president as he was president of the Quorum of Twelve. In the summer of 1973, I
had come to his attention when he thought I was sending apostate letters to
Bill Hall who was in the Mission field. His letter to BYU got me called into
the Stakes President Office in September
1973 where Pres. Robert Smith was kind to me and cleared up the
misunderstanding with President Kimball’s confusion and misunderstanding.
However, I held a grudge against Pres. Kimball
until the summer of 1974 when on July 10th I heard him speak
at a Youth Fireside on the Manti Temple grounds. I really felt he had a sweet spirit then and afterwards
wholeheartedly sustained him as Prophet,
Seer, and Revelator. He will be sorely missed and I am sure younger people will
feel about him the way my generation felt about Davod O. McKay. However,
President Harold B Lee was my special prophet as I remember bursting into tear
when I heard the news that he had died so suddenly and unexpectedly. President
Kimball has been in poor health for several years.
7 November 1985 Thursday
No Entry
8 November 1985 Friday
After work Fran and I went to see the musical Evita
at the Kingsbury Hall at the U of U. It was fun getting out to experience
live theater again and the production was pretty good I thought. We enjoyed it
a lot. Fran and I had fun watching the gays in the theater as they were so many
in the audience. Downtown Salt Lake City was really crowded what with the funeral and the Smith’s Food
King Fair going on at the Salt Palace.. A public viewing of President Kimball’s body was held in the
old church office building. Next week my hours are being changed to 9 to 6
which is good. Fran has quit going out to the West Valley salon
9 November 1985 Saturday’
It began to snow a little bit today. Fall is
over and winter has begun early. President Kimball’s funeral was today which
was all that was in the news on all the channels.
10 November 1985 Sunday
Fran wasn’t feeling well today so we stayed in bed for most if the day
. It was a good excuse to not go to Church which I haven’t since returning to
Utah. I fixed chicken and dumplings for lunch and later Corned beef and cabbage
for dinner. We watched Citizen Kane on PBS and Bette Midler’s The
Rose on TMC. We really didn’t do
anything but snuggle in and stayed in bed watching TV all day. I need to write
some letters, especially to Grandma Johnson. The Quorum of 12 Apostles are
meeting all day in the Temple to select a new Church President and his
counselors. It will be without a doubt Ezra Taft Benson who supports the John
Birch Society.
11 November 1985 Monday
Today is Veteran’s Day and it snowed and
snowed all day. Old man winter is here for sure. I worked from 9 to 6 today and
I love my new hours. At home I watched a show on TV called “An Early Frost”
with Aiden Quinn playing a young man who has to tell his family that he has
AIDS and that he’s Gay. It was an excellent show and so very sad. I called mom
tonight to visit. She said this is Dad’s last week of work before being laid
off. Mom is still really distraught over Gregory’s death.
12 November 1985 Tuesday
Cold and snowy today and only in the mid 30’s.
I hate going into work on the bus but until the car get fixed its all we can
do. The nice fall weather we had is gone now with what they call blinding
snowstorms which is filing up the homeless shelters
13 November 1985 Wednesday
No Entry
14 November 1985 Thursday
It stopped snowing for a little bit but still
so cold out. This house is not insolated very well.
15 November 1985 Friday
No Entry
16 November 1985 Saturday
No Entry
17 November 1985 Sunday
No entry
18 November 1985 Monday
A major snow storm dumped on Salt Lake
City all day with winds freezing the roads to ice. The weatherman said it was
due to “lake effect” with the moisture coming off the Great Salt Lake. There
were lots of accidents as cars couldn’t stop on roads that were like ice skating
rings In the news It was miserable
getting to work and the parking lot was not even plowed. The wind made it seem
like zero degrees out. A lot of people called in absent because they couldn’t
get out of their driveways. Palmer DePaulis was sworn in as Mayor of Salt Lake.
19 November 1985 Tuesday
It’s been barely above freezing all week and
not even that today. I took off in the evening and went to Overeaters Anonymous
but was too edgy after the meeting to
head home. I drove around a bit and stopped on 500 West by 100 South where I
parked but got stuck in a snow drift and couldn’t get out. Some guys coming out
of the bar helped me by pushing the Toyota back onto the street away from the
railroad tracks. Not taking any more chances of getting stuck I went on home
but Fran was still out with some friends.
Additional Material
I drove to the Gay Bar Backstreet just to sit and watch people go in. I did not have the nerve to do it myself
20 November 1985 Wednesday
Snowing again this evening. They said there’s
nearly 20 inches of snow at the airport from the storms we have had. Six inches
fell today in Salt Lake and 11 inches up at the University of Utah so classes
were canceled. I stayed home tonight and
made bean soup. Fran and I are fighting
again. Probably cabin fever. Poor Toby can hardly make it through the snow to
poop and has to follow the path Sam makes. In the news Hoffman took a lie
detector test and passed so he is not the bomber. The Studio theater, the last adult theater
downtown was ordered closed by December 21st. It’s been around since
the 70’s.
21 November 1985 Thursday
Fran was hired at Taylor Maid Beauty salon out
at the Cottonwood Mall to do acrylic nails. She starts next week and so will be
taking the car so I will be going to work on the bus now either the 5th
East Route or State Street.
22 November 1985 Friday
It was only 8 degrees last night and the house
was so cold that I had the facets running a bit afraid the pipes would freeze
23 November 1985 Saturday
No Entry
24 November 1985 Sunday
It was so windy today. The news said a 50 mile
per hour wind occurred at the
airport. Stuff blew off a building
causing the police to close down 4th South at 2nd East.
Good thing I wasn’t taking the bus into work.
Fifty passengers on that Malta hijacked plane were killed when
terrorists threw hand grenades into the plane
25 November 1985 Monday
No Entry
26 November 1985 Tuesday
Finally warming up into to 40’s and the
streets have all been plowed but the gutters and street corners have mountains
of snow. I went to my Overeaters Anonymous group and shared some of what my feelings have been
lately. I saw on the news that a man was arrested for climbing on Brigham
Young’s statue downtown! It was this crazy character named Worm who back in the
late 70’s when Fran and I worked at La Paloma across from the Post Off ice on
Main Street, he would wear a devil red cape and had spiked his hair as horns on
his otherwise bald head. The paper said
his real name is Peter Stipanovich, which I never knew. He used to draw
pentagrams on the sidewalk ha!
27 November 1985 Wednesday
After
work Fran and I went downtown to see a show but nothing good was paying
thus we drove all the way down to
Sandy where we saw Teen Wolf with
Michael J Fox in it. It was fairly cute, but it was a werewolf movie for teens
but oh my God, the kids. They were like locust. Living here near downtown we
are surrounded by retired people or
professional people however Sandy was like a Third World Nation. When we
returned home , I stayed up rather late fixing candied yams and some corn bread
dress in to stuff the turkey for tomorrow.
28 November 1985 Thursday
We were invited to spend Thanksgiving over at
Steve and Meg Madsen’s house where we
stayed until midnight playing Trivia Pursuit and a Dictionary game . It was
really a lot of fun and I think Fran
really enjoyed herself. David Tilton and his wife Suzanne came up from American
Fork with their little girl. I hadn’t seen Dave in about ten years, not since I
lived in Provo. We hit it off and Suzanne
is a school teacher in Provo so we had a lot in common. Dave’s older sister
Judy came also, so Meg and Steve had
about 21 people there for dinner all in all.
It was a very fun Thanksgiving. It rained and snowed a little in the
evening. We would have stayed longer butt with both Fran and I having to work
tomorrow, we had to leave.
29 November 1985 Friday
I dragged all day at work having gone to bed
so late. I felt really resentful when I had to come in and when others had the
day off because there was so little work to do. In the evening Fran and I went to see the lights on Temple
Square and at the Triad Center. The Christmas lights sure were pretty but finally warming up so the crowds!
Unbelievable. We were, under our breath, cussing out Mormons and their brats.
Ha! So many clueless parents saying
“Jared don’t touch the lights! Jared please don’t touch the lights” as the kid
almost short, circuited half of Salt
Lake City and almost managed to electrocute himself. Ha! I imagine three
fourths of Salt Lake Valley’s Mormon
families were on Temple Square tonight. Needless to say, it wasn’t a real
spiritual experience.
30 November 1985 Saturday
November is over and it’s been a long, cold, snowy, and wet month. As usual I haven’t been faithful in keeping up with my journal as my life is so on hold it seems. Work at Utah Title is the same old same old. I am still feeling a little resentful because so many had the Friday after Thanksgiving off while I had to come in to work. Fran had to work at Taylor Maids at the Cottonwood Mall today while I tried to clean the house and do some grocery shopping. Other wise this evening stayed home and watched The Golden Girls. Someone is sending out phony letters purportedly from the health department saying they tested for AIDS from an infected prostitute. So ends November.
DECEMBER 1985
I am feeling rather stuffed from the
Thanksgiving Dinner still but I had abstained from any candy but I want to next
get abstinence from all sugar. My nephew James Wachs was born 17 years ago also on a Sunday. I thought
about him all day. I was 17 years old when he was born, so I am exactly twice as old as he is today. When I called
home in the late afternoon, Mom said James was at Disneyland so I guess he is
having fun. She said my brother in law Dennis Wachs is working now, still doing
vending machine stuff and Dad is doing really well after his hernia operation
last week. I still haven’t heard any more about my cousin Gregory William’s
death. They haven’t found the killer and perhaps never will if it was a drug
burn. Our Bishop dropped by this afternoon
for the first time and that surprised us. He’s Samoan and I think he’s
really sincere and special. We know some of his relatives in the Garden Grove 8th
Ward. After he and his counselor left, I went and bought Fran a bus pass for
December that was $18. I later called John Cunningham simply because I needed
to hear from him. At first I was really upset when I heard that his phone
number had been disconnected but fortunately I have his parents number and I
called there to get his new number.
However, he was at his parents so we got to visit after all. He said he
moved home to get some bills paid off and he said he is thinking about changing
careers. I told him that I loved him even though I knew that would freak him
out but I needed to say it because the last
time I did was in 1970, and I later had a nervous breakdown. I do love him so why
pretend that I don’t? I love Fran. I
love Sam and Toby, so what’s the big deal?
I’m in a better spot now then I have been in a very long time.
2 December 1985 Monday
I went back to work at Utah Title after the
Thanksgiving holiday. I had a run in with Shuana Mayeda, one of the title
officers but that’s okay. I was assertive while not being aggressive. Steven
Bundy and I had a talk during our break and we got to know each other
better. He’s one of the few people at Utah Title that I really like even though he can really be Mormonish
at times but at other times he’s almost human. I love shocking Canyon Anderson,
a fellow title searcher, because he is
so naive. It so juvenile I know, but
it’s fun. It rained for most of the day instead of snowing. At home in the
evening, I fixed some Turkey quiches to
freeze for later and while I had the pie crust out I also made two pumpkin pies
to finish up the rest of th egg and cream batter. Bruce, from Overeaters
Anonymous, called to remind me to pick him up for the meeting tomorrow. I said,
I wanted to do that as part of my service. In some ways I feels like I have
less time for myself than I did in California. Is it because I am just getting
older? Time seems shorter. I wonder why.
There are novels to write, paintings to paint, genealogy to do. So much,
so much and what do I do? Come home and
watch TV. The great American tit. I need to take out my eye contacts and clean
them.
Additional Material
Canyon W. Anderson, after Utah Tite folded in
1989, became the President of Backman-Stewart
Title Services formed in June 1989.
I finally was off my three months’ probation
at Utah Title today. However, the work was the same old same old. I worked
mostly on the computer entering orders. It was a cool, wet day and almost all
the snow has melted . It said in the news
that it broke all records for
snow last November. After work I went to the bank and pulled out $20 to go get
gas and cat and dog food. Then I picked up Bruce, a friend I met at Overeater’s
Anonymous. I am doing service by picking
him up and taking him to the meeting which this week was much smaller than last
week when about 13 people had showed
up. I led tonight’s meeting and tried to
bring about some honesty. I really have to work on not giving advice but just
suggestions about things which have worked for me. When I came home at
10:30 Fran wasn’t there. When she is
going out, I wish she would call or
leave note so I don’t worry. But I am
powerless over people, places, and things. Our little Christmas Tree is pretty.
I just wish I could get the house
together so it’s always not a wreck. Maybe I will put that on my God
Box. I fixed a turkey pot pie for dinner. Baby cat is so cute staring at me. It said in
the news that Kennecott Mine may reopen in 1986. That will be good for the
economy but I know they had shut down just to break the Union. Well, I’m tired
so I guess I will go to sleep.
4 December 1985 Wednesday
It was a beautiful day with all the snow mostly gone and it’s so
warm out, nearly 50 degrees. At work there’s nothing special going on. I gave
Steve Bundy one of the Pumpkin pies I had made. If I would have kept them
around the house I’d had eaten it and break my abstinence. Fran went over to a friend of hers she made,
to get her hair cut in exchange for doing her nails. It was announced that we are having a Pot
Luck dinner at work on the 13th.
5 December 1985 Thursday
I have a terrific sinus headache. That plus
the fact that Bob Elcock called me into his office this morning to tell me
about a mistake I made on a search that he dumped on me at 5 o’clock last
night, an hour before I was to go home It really made me half pissed off all
day. Primarily because he said I should take pride in my work. That really
pissed me off. I’m doing searches as well as the general index on the computer
plus he threw this search at me at the last minute. I am just really down about
it and I just really want to quit but that is really just immaturity talking.
Plus, I remember what the rough neck
Rick said to me in Montana, “never let anyone run you off from a job.” I think
that is so true. Also, I need to practice the Royal family’s motto of “Never
Complain and Never Explain”. I watched
some TV for the rest of the evening
mainly The Bill Cosby Show, Family Ties, Cheers and Night Court.
I had to pick Fran up at the Cottonwood Mall
at 9 tonight as she was working late. I still had a headache by the time
I went bed. The weather was nice again today.
6 December 1985 Friday
I didn’t feel well all day at Utah Title.
Steve Bundy went home after half a day because of a cold. I think I might have
caught it as I feel rather achy. After work at 6, I drove to Cottonwood Mall to
pick up Fran from her work at Taylor Miad. We both didn’t feel like cooking so
we went to China Village on Main Street and next to the Post Office for dinner.
Fran and I actually went to China Village on our first date in December 9 years
ago. We returned home and eagerly
awaited Brideshead Revisited to come on. I know Anthony Blanche, Charles
Ryder, Sebastian and Julia Flyte are all fictional characters but they seem
like such good friends and watching them retell their stories is like getting
together with old friends to rehear their adventures. Fran fell asleep before it was over but then she has to get up really early
tomorrow.
7 December 1985 Saturday
Fran had to be at work today so she took the
car thus I just stayed home for most of the day as I was not feeling all that
swift anyway. I did try to clean the house a little and mopped the kitchen
floor. When Fran came home, we didn’t feel like going grocery shopping because
I was already snuggled in, hence we stayed home and watched TV all
evening. We watched “Star Trek III
The Search for Spock” and an episode of the Golden Girls which is
Fran’s favorite show. Our kitchen cupboards are bare because I didn’t go
shopping.
8 December 1985 Sunday
Five years ago, John Lennon was murdered in
new York City. Fran and I were working up in the oil fields way outside of
Baker Montana, actually across the state line in South Dakota. We couldn’t get
TV reception so we never really heard the news
or saw any of the newspaper
reports, thus in a way it almost seems like it didn’t happen at all. Anyway, when I woke up this morning, we were
surprised to see about a foot of snow that had fallen during the night. We just
snuggled in with the animals and watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “Night
of the Comet.” Later in the
afternoon I had to go out and get some groceries as we really didn’t have any food in the house after
eating up all the quiches that I had made last week. I had to shovel the
driveway to even get out on to the street. The roads were really slushy and
tonight they will freeze and turn to solid ice, I am sure. However, it sure is
pretty out though, with everything being sugar frosted. Right now, I am sitting
in old Murray Van Wagoner’s comfy chair in front of the stain glass widow, made
of theater gels on the front door, watching the Christmas tree we put up. It’s
really pretty and most of the decorations are handmade. I am reading my
journal from 1973 when I attended BYU.
It is such a trip. I was so totally infatuated with the gospel that I had
submerged my personality completely and I was in denial, denial, denial about
my sexuality. I was hoping that the Gospel would fix me, by my trying to be a
spiritual giant while at the same time trying to have as much anonymous sex as
I could find at BYU. The gospel and sex were both forms of escapism from the
pain of not being with John Cunningham.
9 December 1985 Monday
I stayed home today because of a cold I caught
and all the streets are icy and covered with snow. The bus stops all have
mounds of snow you have to get over to even get on a bus. They said more snow fell yesterday than in
years, breaking all-time records. The 32 hour storm left up to 4 feet in the mountains and a foot of
more feet here in Salt Lake. Fran took the car to her work but first got stuck in the snow in the
driveway and I had to shovel her out. Needless to say, that didn’t help my cold
any. I typed up some of my journal from 1973. That Fall Semester at BYU was so
very hard on me emotionally.
10 December 1985 Tuesday
The wind chill made it subzero for much of the
day. The sidewalks haven’t been cleared yet and we can’t get the car out of the
driveway without real effort. Roberta Street still hasn’t been plowed. I went
back into work at Utah Title but probably should have waited longer as I was tired and still had a fever
all day. It was so, so cold in the low
20’s all day. The snow is frozen from the wind and it’s so nasty out. I came
home for lunch and ran out of gas. Fortunately Don the kid who lives next door
was home and he helped me out. I also filled his tank as I was really grateful
for his help. I need to get Triple A Insurance for emergencies like this. I was
cold and my feet wet when I returned to work. Fran had this insurance man over
and we signed up for some life insurance,
I almost didn’t go to Overeaters Anonymous tonight but with Bruce riding
along with me, he gives me an incentive to go. I’m glad I did . At the meeting
this girl Tammi asked me to sponsor her because I am not into weighing and
measuring. When I finally came back
home, the wind was whipping around so fiercely. These devil winds made it icy
cold and the house furnace barely makes a dent in the chill in the house. I’m
sure anyone caught outside would have frozen to death. It is so, so cold that
40 degrees would seem like a heat wave and I am not well enough to be out
shoveling snow from the driveway and walks.
Another cold day again with the low of 7
degrees and a high of 25 degrees. The KSL weatherman said the arctic blast
brought snow even to Phoenix Arizona and Los Angeles. I made a big pot of chili
and beans for dinner. I am going to make “Zuppa Inglese” for the company pot luck this Friday. Fran
and I finally did up all the dishes. We had to if we wanted to eat. I am still
not feeling all that great.
12 December 1985 Thursday
It is still unseasonably cold with it being 2
degrees last night and the high only reached 25 degrees. Some of the snow
drifts, from the near hurricane winds, are reportedly over 15 feet in some
areas in the city. The mounds at bus
stops are like ice slides. There’s not a lot of new things going on at work. I
am mostly entering orders on the computer. I went home for lunch and had a bowl
of chili. After work I made the “zuppa Inglese”
for tomorrow’s pot luck at work.
Fran went out this evening, running around with some girl she met at her
temporary job. I guess Fran is having fun at that computer printout place. I
watched television, mainly The Bill
Crosby Show, Family Ties, and Cheers tonight and a move “Pocket
Full of Miracles” with Bette Davis playing Apple Annie. I haven’t heard
from anyone lately. I reckon that Mom and Dad are going back to Texas for
Christmas. In the mail we received a package from Fran’s sister Kathy,
yesterday. That was bizarro. She sent some gloves and a scarf
which was real nice of her. I wish it would warm up to at least 40
degrees. In the news the actress Anne
Baxter died after a stroke last week. The worst news is that 250 service men
returning from the Middle East died in a plane crash of another DC 8 jetliner.
13 December 1985 Friday
The dreaded valley inversion started today
blocking out the sun and although here they call it haze, it’s actually smog.
The whole valley is covered with a layer of gray gloom. I brought the Zuppa
Inglase to the pot luck today and at the
party it was entirely eaten up so it must have been a hit. Fran worked late
tonight at her temporary job so I went
to the store as I needed to go grocery
shopping. I was paid today and after cashing my check I bought some cat and dog
food. and then stayed home to watch TV. I am about over my cold but Fran came
home with a sore throat. People at work are coming down with something too. We
haven’t left the house since the snow storm because it’s too cold. There is something wrong with the car again.
The gas milage is so poor and it back fires a lot. The timing is probably off
perhaps due to the cold weather.
14 December 1985 Saturday
Fran had to go into work today subsequently I
cleaned the house a little but in the
afternoon I went to the Deseret Gym and sat in the sauna . It felt so good to
get my bones warm again. In the evening Fran and I watched the Golden Girls.
15 December 1985 Sunday
In the evening Fran went down to Orem for
Taylor Maids’ Office party. I didn’t want to go thus she went with some people
she knows from Cottonwood Mall. It’s still very cold with lots of snow on the
ground. Fran finally admitted she has a cold. I hope she doesn’t develop
bronchitis as she is susceptible to it. All that is in the news lately is
stories about those poor soldiers killed
in a plane crash in Gander,
Newfoundland, Canada. They were part of a peace keeping force in the Sinai.
Over 250 service men and women are dead
because the fucking government sent them home in a crap DC 8 and not on
military transports.
16 December 1985 Monday
At Utah Title, I am mainly entering orders on
the computer. It was a quiet day with hardly anyone talking. I don’t have any
of the work friends that I had at Ticor.
I found out that I can join a credit union through Utah Title which I prefer to a bank. This place sure
don’t like to tell you anything about
benefits. I have to send out my
Christmas cards pronto since Christmas
is just a little more than a week away.
A package arrived from mom who sent Fran
and me some Christmas presents. She sent Fran a wallet and slippers and
she sent me clock radio. Fran’s cold, she said, feels like it has settled in
her chest.
17 December 1985 Tuesday
I went to Overeater’s Anonymous and it was a
small group as its just too cold to go out. People have been bringing treats in
to work but I am still abstinent. I kind of dropped the ball with Tammi and
Bruce. Oh well. Taking care of Fran and going to work is wearing me out.
18 December 1985 Wednesday
Utah Title held their office Christmas dinner at the Hotel Utah and
we were allowed to bring guests so I invited Steve and Meg Madsen to join Fran
and me. It was really a swanky affair and I expect it costed Ed Rogers and Al
Newman, the co-owners of Utah Title a pretty penny to put it on. Dinner was at
6:30 and we had a nice time. A chicken dinner was served and I was good about
not eating the dessert which were different types of tarts.
19 December 1985 Thursday
No Entry
20 December 1985 Friday
Meg and Steve Madsen invited us over for
Christmas dinner but not sure if we are up to it. Fran was paid today from
Taylor Maid and she made a whopping $80. She is so depressed because that was
for two weeks of work. And our gas bill came and it’s $140 alone! Oh well. It’s
officially the end of fall but winter has been here for weeks now and the snow
has turned black from road traffic but not melted at all.
21 December 1985 Saturday
We needed to get out of the house so we went
over to Steve and Meg Madsen and watched Amadeus with them. It was
excellent even though Fran and I were
tired. I found out that it’s going to cost $175 to get the heater fixed in the
Toyota which we have to have because of the extreme cold. I have been a little homesick
for California. I’m sure it’s mostly from cabin fever. It’s been so hazy,
foggy, cold, and mountains of snow drifts are still piled high. This guy named
Jim from Overeaters anonymous called me and asked if I would sponsor him during
the holidays..
22 December 1985 Sunday
Fran has been sick for the past week but she
said she is getting better. The house has been trashed all week. Except for
today when Fran felt well enough to do the dishes. I was thinking a lot today
that on some of the reasons my life right now lacks any meaning. I think it is
because I don’t have a cause like I did when I was younger and in college. I
miss the 1960’s and being socially conscious. Fran and I are planning a quiet
Christmas at home this year. Mom and Dad
are back in Texas and besides we are broke.
Mom sent us a clock radio and some booties for Fran. We have kept the
fireplace going all day as it’s so cold in the house. Most of the animals are
huddled together on the bed with Fran
and me. I have to do some serious thinking about my feelings. I have been
abstinent from candy although the
holidays so far. I have been into deserts but not real crazy. But still, I need
to rely on my higher power rather than
on sugar to cope. I am feeling resentful
against how BYU treated me. I feel resentful against Utah Mormons the ones who are insensitive to peoples
needs. I am resentful against the
church, my parents and most of all myself.
I want to be teaching, have a circle of friends, be prosperous, and feel
good about myself. I would like to get more involve in AIDS support Groups or
some other service group. I want to write stories, paint pictures and still do
genealogy. .
23 December 1985 Monday
No Entry
24 December 1985 Tuesday
I had the chills at work. Bob Elcock said that
Ed Rogers had decided to close early at noon so everyone could go home. It was
really slow anyway. I made some chicken soup for Fran and me. Fran didn’t get
out of bed all day except to use the bathroom. I haven’t been feeling well
myself and I think this nasty air is making us sick. Fran hadn’t gone to work
in almost 10 days at Taylor Maids as she has been sick with some kind of a
bronchitis and we are too broke to see a doctor.
25 December 1985 Wednesday
Both Fran and I spent Christmas Day with Meg and Steve Madsen
and their friends the Tiltons. We had a
light Christmas dinner and mostly played
board games which was a lot of fun.
I didn’t call home as Mom and Dad
are back in Texas. Fran was in a mood and didn’t want to call her folks.
26 December 1985 Thursday
It’s been a 12 day stretch of fog according to
the news. Fran has come down with the flu and a persistent cough and couldn’t
go to work at Taylor Maid. The cats and the pups all slept in the bed with her
while I slept in the front room and
tried to stay warm. At least at work
they have kept the building warm but still have to wear a warm sweater. The car
is having a hard time starting and we are low on funds so I have had to take
the bus up State Street and Transfer on
4th South over to 600 East to get to work.
27 December 1985 Friday
Fran was so sick and could hardly breathe that
I had to take her to the Emergency room at the University of Utah’s hospital.
There they gave her some medicine to
lessen the effects of the flu and I bought a lot of Gatorade to give her to
replenish the fluids she was losing through her fevers. I’ve come down with another bad cold but I
don’t think it’s the flu as I am not achy just congested and miserable at work.
No Entry
29 December 1985 Sunday
Today was the 14th consecutive day
when the temperature was never above freezing and the fog has really been
really terrible. It’s so depressing to even leave the house.
30 December 1985 Monday
I took Fran to the doctor’s again as she was so sick and he said she has
to stay in bed.
31 December 1985 Tuesday
I spent the last two weeks of December extremely depressed due mainly to
the terrible cold and inversion which has kept the skies over Salt Lake gray
and has hidden the sun making life miserable. We have had a horrible inversion
for over two weeks with everything gray and dim without any sun peeking through
and keeping the temperatures freezing and below. Zero at night. We both are too
sick with some virus to do much but take care of ourselves and the critters the
best we can. We cancelled any plans for New Year Eve with the Madsen’s. So ends
the year that we returned to Utah and this awful weather is making us doubt our
decision. It was a really rough closing to the year. I was so miserable that I
didn’t care if I lived or died.
Additional Material
Returning to Utah, I was very disconnected with the Mormon Church and my relationship with my wife was fracturing as my homosexuality was emerging. I would cruise Liberty Park at night by sitting in my car and also visit places were I knew Gays hung out. I once even went to Jeff's Gym on a whim but couldn't get in because I didn't have a membership. I had a few indiscreet sexual encounters still afraid of being outwardly Gay and losing the security I had with Fran that while frayed was still all I had. I was also extremely upset about news about how the Church was reacting to people with AIDS as if they deserved it for their immorality. The death of Rock Hudson and Spencer W Kimball were extremely meaningful to me even if I dared not write why.
