July
1 July 2008 Tuesday
Can't believe it's July already. I went to go see Richard Packer who
works at the DMV to get a temporary permit for the Sonoma truck so I can
finally get it registered. It was due last January.
2 July 2008 Wednesday
I got the truck inspected and tagged so my truck is legal again. I went
to this place on Redwood Road and about 11th South. The only issue
was that the Camper Shell's third light wasn't working and so made my truck not
pass safety inspection. So I told the guy if you want the shell he could have
it. He took it so I got rid of the shell finally without having to store it. So
I guess my camping days sleeping in the bed are over.
Then I went to the
dentist and also had a cap put on my tooth finally.
Later in the day Mike Romero and I went up to
the U to see an Expressionist Art Exhibition that featured Monet’s, Matisse’s,
and Picassos on loan. Afterwards we ate at Chuck A Rama on 4th South.
Its salad bar can't be beat for the price.
3 July 2008 Thursday
It's going to be 101 today.
Probably won't do much for the 4th . Poor Priscilla gets really neurotic when
she hears fireworks so we have to watch her carefully. I took Ben Anderson’s gnome
figures and put him in my garden. I think he was tired of looking at the weed
patch patio over at Ben’s place. He's happier now.
I have been
dreaming a lot of Billy Bikowski lately. I wonder why.
Ron Hunt and
Todd Bennett were in the Deseret News as a feature article because they are
going to California to get married They
got about 250 disgruntled comments on the article. The Mormon CEO ordered that their drones do
all they can to over turn the marriage law in California which is burning up
with about 1400 different fires all over the state.
4 July 2008 Friday
Jesse Helms died
and is now either burning in hell or begging for forgiveness from all those he
let die of AIDS.
Tonight was
really bad for the pups with all the fireworks...I guess everyone stayed home
this year and spent money on fireworks.
5 July 2008 Saturday
Mike Romero and I went to Ben
Anderson’s apartment to drive his car and pick up the mail. He had a UPS sticker
on his door saying a package was left in
the front office for him. The place was closed today for the holiday so I will
go back over on Monday to get it for him
The IRS letter
was to remind you of $109 payment due the 5th
The other packet was all the forms you requested from them. It's like a
book! A jar of Cetaphil cream also came in the mail for him. His Mobile telephone bill came amounting
to $416 with $219 due immediately
Ben Anderson wrote me: Dear Ben, Thank you for getting my
mail and driving my car. I am very
grateful for all of your help and support.
I am concerned about the amount of time and money you are spending, and
I would like to reimburse you for the gas that you are using. Is there anything here in Italy that I can
get for you besides the wooden cross? If
you feel that continuing to get my mail and drive my car is getting to be too
much, please let me know, and I will try and get Jared to take over.
I spoke with the
VA yesterday and they said that my test will not be scheduled until early
September. I wish that they would do it
sooner, but I can't make them budge, so I am stuck with paying yet another
month's rent. Oh well.
My return ticket is for July 11, but I am
working on a way to extend it until early August. The Army doctor wants me to come back on July
23 to see the Cardiologist and Eye doctor, so I'm hoping he will write a letter
to the travel insurance company on my behalf. I'll keep you posted on that, as
I should know about that by Tuesday.
My sister
emailed me and told me she is in dire straits.
She has lost her job and is in danger of loosing her home and wants to
move into my apartment at my expense. I realized today that I really have very
negative feelings about her.
I feel so
trapped and torn and angry, because I realize that she needs far more help than
I can give, but I feel that if I don't give her money then she will die or
become homeless.
Mattia helped me
to understand that if I were to be completely honest with myself, I would
realize that my desire to help my sister stems from guilt and fear as opposed
to love. I feel ashamed of myself, but I
must admit that is true.
All my life my
sister has caused me trouble and heartache.
She has lied to me, stole from me, physically assaulted me, sexually
abused me, and guilted me out of hundreds if not thousands of dollars.
When we are
together, she barely speaks five words to me, and I realize we are not really
close. However, she is my sister and I
feel so obligated. I realize that I must
once and for all end this nightmare but I'm not sure how to do it, without
causing her more suffering than she already has. Any suggestions?
How is the C-Pap working for you. Is it helping? Are you sleeping better and getting less
tired during the day? Howz the oxygen
working?
Today was a
beautiful day. We live in the foothills
of some very beautiful mountains and it is so picturesque. Even though, I feel
kinda isolated with not knowing the language and not being part of the
"culture", I love being here with Mattia. I love him so much and he has brought such
happiness that I have never experienced before.
I truly believe that we are a match made in heaven. I hope you are
having a wonderful day and hope to see you soon. Love Ben
I replied: Ben don't worry about the
gas besides all the things you have given me I should be paying you. Besides we went over to Jim Restaurant's for
breakfast anyway. Your sister is not going to die...that is what welfare is
for...tell her to get her butt up to Denver and file for it... between
unemployment and food stamps and living with a room mate she will not be happy
but she will be fine...
Ben not to be crude but you are the one who is
dying NOT her...enjoy your life ...enjoy Italy, Mattia and all the things you
wanted...whether you got five or ten years be grateful you have a man who loves
you...in 25 years or much sooner we will all be history...
You do not have
disability as a bail out for a sister or a son...you have it for your health
like that one counselor told you... I think she has burned all her bridges and
now thinks she can use you...I know she is your sister but that was an accident
of birth...true family cares for one another all the time not when they just
need someone...besides you offered her plenty of times to come and she
wouldn't.
Do you need for
me to send the IRS packet to you or do you just want to deal with it when you
come back?
By the way for the speakers you left, the plug
is not for American outlets...was there an adapter for it? The plug use has two
round prongs.
6 July 2008 Sunday
No Entry
7 July 2008 Monday
I
picked up Ben Anderson’s UPS package that was in the main office. I brought
his printer to the house and Michael Romero was able to get the software off
the internet so when he gets home and wonder where it is...it's here... I plan
on him eating over here when he gets home as really do miss him.
8 July 2008
Tuesday
I left at night to avoid the heat
to head for Vegas to spend time with Mom and I won't be back until Saturday
night.
I flew Jet Blue
for $125 round trip as I couldn't drive for that not at $4.00 a gallon for gas.
Charline was there to pick me up.
9 July 2008
Wednesday
No Entry
10 July 2008
Thursday
My Uncle JW Johnson
called Mom on and Aunt Pauline was in the hospital really ill with leukemia.
11 July 2008
Friday
No Entry
12 July 2008 Saturday
My Aunt Pauline Johnson passed
away from complications of leukemia. She went quick and she died at 2 this morning.
When I was a teenager, I spent most of my summers back in Texas on my
grandparents farm and JW and Pauline lived just down the road from them about a
mile. My cousin Kay and I would hang out all summer and Aunt Pauline was always
gracious and loving to me. If she disagreed with some position of mine she's
just say, "Why Junior... and then just laugh it off."
I am glad to be
home although I had a really nice visit with Mom and to know she has adjusted
to living in Vegas especially with Charline and Dennis across from her at the
trailer court. Charline’s boxer named Winston is a handful though as he is a
puppy jumps all over the place and has bruised up mom considerably but not
intentionally.
While I was gone
my old schnauzer Smokey was deathly sick but Mike Romero didn't tell me about
it until I came home. He was in the vet hospital with Pancreatitis and nearly
died from it. I guess Smokey just collapsed while I was gone and couldn't walk
or eat and Michael Romero had to take off from work to take him in to the vet
even though because Steve Merrill was on vacation all last week.
Mike Romero
doesn't say much but he does get a quiver in his voice when he talks about Smokey.
I think Smokey is the one thing that he truly loves and it will be a bigger
blow to him if Smokey is too weak to recover. Just being in the hospital alone
cost over a $1000 but I know Mike Romero will pay anything it takes to make
Smokey comfortable and out of pain... We are hoping that Smokey will recover
from his pancreatitis but he will then have to be on a special diet for the
rest of his life if he does.
13 July 2008
Sunday
Ben Anderson said that he’s not
going to keep his apartment and won’t be coming back until September. His son Jared
Anderson is stepping up to help Mike Romero and me close up his place. Jared
will take Ben’s car as we were going to lock it up in the backyard where I used
to have the truck so we were fine with that. If he has any problems with it he
can bring it here.
Mike Romero and
I will go over next weekend to close up the place and get what we can use. I
will go over tomorrow to get Mattia’s skis and pineapple lamp to make sure they
are safe.
I told Ben to plan
on staying here while he is back doing his disability thing so he can move to
Italy. He and Mattia Lumaca can have my room downstairs and I'll sleep upstairs
on the twin bed.
When they get
here we will need to ship the boxes I have stored here and Mattias skis by UPS
to Italy so you won't have to worry about taking on the plane.
Ben Anderson wrote me: Hi Ben, Thank you for all of your
help. I can't tell you in words how much
your love and support has meant to me. I
only hope that I can repay you in some meaningful way. I hope all goes well
with Smokey. I know how hard it must be
for you and Michael. Please say hi to
him and let him know that I am thinking of him and Smokey.
I'm also glad
that your mother is doing well, I hope you had some enjoyable time with her.
14 July 2008 Monday
Today was hectic and I didn't get
to go over to Ben Anderson’s apartment. Smokey’s been in the hospital for four
days but he was able to come home Today. The vet bill came to $1500. I told
Mike Romero I'd help pay for it but he said he'd just put it on a card. So glad
to have Smokey home instead of in a box on the shelf next to his sister Saffy. He was one sick little guy with IVs, pain
medicine, blood tests, etc.. His pancreas was not working and not allowing him
any nutrients and he was crippled up in pain. He also had a cornea ulcer...
He's our little
sissy dog and I know Michael was about sick at heart over it himself. I guess
its time to put money away for vet bills for emergencies as they get older.
15 July 2008
Tuesday
It was really humid today. I went
over to Ben Anderson’s apartment this afternoon and cleaned out everything but
the two beds, nightstand, chest of drawers, a couch, the lazy boy, a coffee
table, am end table, the television and stand, the microwave and the dinning
room set. Jared Anderson will have to
come help move them. If Jared doesn't take the microwave by Saturday we will.
I cleaned his bathroom and kitchen...everything in them
is gone and packed. I mopped, swept up and vacuumed. I know they won't give Ben
his cleaning deposit back as he is
breaking his lease but I wanted the place spic and span anyway. I've never
moved out leaving a dirty place and I know he wouldn't either. No sense being
trashy people.
The car was gone
so Jared must have gotten it. Wouldn't it be nice if Jared would simply take
over the payments on his car now that he's driving it. I am sure he'd want something more reliable
and less beat up then the truck he is using
I checked the
mail… Tomorrow I will go to the post office and put in a change of address for
Ben.
Smokey is really
doing so much better...even tried to hump Buddy...the old grouchy dog sure had
a rough go of it. He's so happy to be in his home.
The vet assistant
asked if Smokey had ever been boarded before and we said never and she said
that explained why he was so depressed... When we went to see him Sunday we
brought the gang and I know that had to have perked him up.
16 July 2008
Wednesday
No Entry
17 July 2008 Thursday
I talked to Jared Anderson today
to make arrangements for him to meet Mike Romero and I this Saturday to clean
out his father’s apartment.
18 July 2008 Friday
It's been so long since I have really
written anything here in my journal. I got out of the habit I suppose.
It's been a busy
summer getting Ben Anderson moved off to Italy and cleaning his apartment. Chad Keller's first anniversary of his death
in June came and went. I am still feeling a little bit lonely for his gossip
and now with Ben gone to Italy I really don't have any friends here any longer
just to have fun with and be silly.
Oh well grateful
to still have Smokey with us... Smokey seems to be doing better every day
although he is on pain pills, still. I
know he's feeling better because all he wants to do is hump Buddy all the time
since coming home.
I am walking
Daisy in the mornings now and trying to watch her eating. She raided the trash
can yesterday so I can't put food scraps n it anymore... the girl is hungry and
after a month of this diet she's lost 1/2 pound. Well I know how that feels.
Tonight is Gay
Bingo. I went with Mike Romero and a
cute straight friend of his named Mark Andersen to the Pie Pizzeria instead.
Gas is at $4.15
and when it drops below $3.99 everyone will be lulled back to complacency. Al Gore is proposing that in 10 years we all
should be off carbon base energy in America and that we should do it like we
were committed to going to the moon and building the interstate highways.
19 July 2008 Saturday
Mike Romero and I went over to Ben Anderson’s apartment with the Sonoma
around 10 this morning to meet up with Jared, Ben's son.
Mike and I first ate breakfast at Jim’s Restaurant
around the corner behind Icebergs. Jared
never responded back to call me if he wanted to have breakfast with us. We then
went to the apartment and Jared was driving away as we were pulling in. He came
back and we went inside.
I had cleaned the apartment prior and we just
needed to take out the trash and go through stuff we wanted to keep and what to
toss.
Jared asked about the stuff in the closet and
I said that the clothes and lamp and stuff I could donate to Savers. Jared took
the coffee table, tv and stand, the standing lamp, and the lazy boy.
The
office gals said that they knew someone who could use the table and couch. We just took the chest of drawers and a night
stand. So everything was gone except the two beds that neither of us
wanted.
I kind
of felt bad about the closet stuff but then Jared could have come over and
helped himself to whatever he wanted instead of leaving it all up to me to make
decisions.
I did a last minute sweep and mopped the
floors and took out the trash. So the place is now completely clean or will be
when Jared takes the oxygen canisters. I would have stored them for Ben but he
said he would. I gave him Ben’s key ring
so he has both sets now and he said he would drop the apartment keys off to the
office on Wednesday and check the mail for the last time.
Oh Jared said he'd take the BBQ also. So when
Ben returns in September he’ll have to stay with Mike and me because he doesn’t
have a place to call his own anymore in
the states.
Smokey is 100
percent better than he was and so the money was more then well spent...I don't
think we knew that he was such a sick puppy for as long as he was. He's like a
different dog now. Last week we though we'd have to bury him and now he just
humps Buddy all the time.
I heard that the
LDS Incorporated excommunicated the guy who made the shirtless Missionary
calendar that Mike Romero has in the movie room LOL...
We watched the “Crimson
Pirate” featuring Burt Lancaster. It’s so campy and the director must have been
in love with Burt because the whole movie is an excuse to show him as beefcake.
20 July 2008
Sunday
No Entry
21 July 2008 Monday
An old school friend that I had
known since grade school, Betty Eblen wrote me: Hi Edgar, I am sure enjoying my
summer. How about you? What is it like to teach in Utah? What do you teach?
I've taught 18 years and the first 15 were wonderful. The last 3 with my new
principal have been rough. Have things changed a lot in your district? Betty.
I wrote Betty
Eblen back: Dear Betty I have taught in the same district for 20 years and for
15 years at the same elementary school. I have a dual certificate so I can
teach high school, Jr, High, or elementary but I got my first job in elementary
so I stuck there.
I have lucked
out I've only had one principal that was truly a jerk and that was early in my
career... one became a good friend of mine and the one I have now if very hands
off, a mother earth type and she loved me because I general do what she asks
without giving her resistance like other teachers so she basically lets me do
my own thing.
My school district is one of the better in the
state...We get 6 hours of prep time a week, never have to do recess or lunch
duty or required to take classes although we have to be relicensed by the state
every 5 years and we do have to take so many classes for that, but they are
usually provided as in-services by the district.
I teach 5th
grade now but have taught 6th and 4th over my career. I am known as the "art" teacher
because my class puts on plays, sing, dance, and do art as well the
academics...you know the fun stuff that everyone is cutting out.
I graduated from college with a degree in
Social Studies-history and political science.
I mostly use it to write articles for a local alternative paper and
massive genealogical research...I am a genealogy nut and SLC is a good place
for that.
Except for some
hard nose Mormon parents who suspect me because I am not a Mormon most here are
really grateful for what you do. They
pay is lousy (where is it not) and we have over crowded classrooms (Mormons you
know have big families) but all in all its been good.
I love living in Salt Lake City...it’s a small-big
city...opera, university, symphony, open air concerts...crime is low although
growing as every where. I even like the
seasons Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall.
The Mountains
are spectacular Park City has a film festival and there are 5 national parks
within a 3 hour drive of here. There's gaming at Wendover Nevada and lottery in
Idaho, and horse racing in Evanston Wyoming all just 90 miles away east north
and west of us but I don't gamble LOL.
No Child Left Behind
is a pain in the rear because about 3 years ago I transferred to a Title One
School which because of its extra federal funding has stricter guidelines. I
had to take classes for a year to be English as a 2nd Language Endorsed because
of the growing Spanish speaking population.
But all in all where I teach is more like Orange County was in the
1960's.
I am pretty
liberal compared to most of the folks here. I really have lost touch with my
Garden Grove roots having moved away in 1973. My best friend Jerry Smith (We
went to Bryant together with him) married had kids and moved off to
Riverside. John Cunningham who with Gail
Foltz were sent back to Washington to represent Rancho died last year in May so
both of them have passed away.
I tried to keep
in touch with John more then anyone but he drank heavy and didn't seem to happy
the way his life turned out even though he was a fireman for the state of
California.
I was married
for ten years before coming to terms with the fact that I was gay. My former
wife and I are friendly and she became a nurse and I have my schnauzers to keep
me busy. I have been in a domestic relationship now for 15 years come
November.
Having taught
nearly 500 children over the course of my life I think I more then contributed
to raising kids and society LOL. I still get graduation invites from kids I
taught, even in college.
Two years ago I taught a child of a former
student of mine so that really made me feel old.
Betty I have
nothing but fond memories of you from school days...I know you are a good
person and I hope you had and are having a wonderful life. Like Ardene Ardis sometimes the diamonds in
the rough were the most over looked in high school.
If anyone
remembers me tell them hi. PS Do you
still have your class ring and tassel? I do plus that wonderful psychedelic 69
hot pink year book LOL.
I wrote to this
guy named Harry Richards I met on the Bear411 site. His real name is ken. He
wanted to meet me but wrote, I don't think I can meet tonight. Sorry.
Is there another night this week?
Please don't give up on me. I
could use some friends and fun.
I wrote back :
Not a problem...I am off for the summer and am pretty much free until August 15
when I go back to work. We should be able to plan a get together before that
don't you think? Thursday I will be over at some friends for the 24th but other
then that you name a time okay. I work
in Bountiful when I am back at school so I could even drop by on my way home
when I start again in August. I hope you like bears LOL
22 July 2008
Tuesday
I met a guy on
the Bear411 site who wanted me to come over. He only lived in North Salt Lake
so it wasn't that far to go. Anyway while he really wasn't my type, he was so
desperate and seductive, that I let him fuck me. Who won't I let?
Any how talking to him I found out he was a
former principal at Woods Cross Elementary and he knows all the principals I
have worked for, so I thought I better let him have his way with me.
Anyway even if I
was attracted to him, he had a lot, I mean a lot of immediate baggage. His wife found out about him last week and
kicked him out, and he just had been excommunicated because he was a former
Bishop! Ahhh....I just don't want to go there again...I am sorry that he has to
go through all this but I am SOOO over it that I can hardly be sympathetic
anymore.
We had a
downpour tonight like a monsoon rain.
Golden Girl
Estelle Getty died today at age 85. She had been suffering from Alzheimer’s for
years.
23 July 2008 Wednesday
No entry
24 July 2008
Thursday
I went to a Pot Luck on the 24th
of July at this guy’s house named Jerry Buie in Holladay who is putting
together a Faerie Scout Camp next weekend. I am not like Mike Romero and do
like being around people...in fact if I didn't have people skills I would have
been bored stiff at the pot luck. I thought I'd check it out and see if there
was anyone there worth getting to know...I meant if you don't put yourself out
there you will never met anyone...well guess who was there? Ben Anderson’s nemesis,
Duff Dazley! Not that I would have recognized him at first.
When I got there
I changed into my yellow outfit I bought at Walking Crane and Jerrie Buie who
was the host asked me if I wanted my name or my faerie name so I said
Gayflower.. I was the ONLY one there that had a faerie name everyone else was
Todd, Doug, or Dave...anyway I digress.
Duff came up to
me and he had on his name tag and said hi Ben how are you? He must have known
who I was even if my tag said Gayflower so I figured this must be the infamous
Duff. I know I must have met him 15
years ago but evidently he didn't make much of an impression and NO he didn't
ask about Ben!
I really didn't
talk to him much and visited with only a few guys there but as for faerie
energy there was none that I felt, even though everyone was wearing sarongs
(but with underwear beneath).
After I got to
talking to people and they found out that I had created the original Sacred
Faeries then I got some wanting me to come to this Faerie camp next week. Unfortunately the spirit at this event was of
the guys thinking that the workshops presented next week are the same as
raising real magick...oh well... maybe I might go just for the hell of it and
sleep in my truck.
25 July 2008
Friday
Clap If You Believe in Faeries
Ben Williams Lambda Lore
Have you ever
been called a fairy? If so, how cool is that? In a world of cyber-assimilation,
being called a fairy is a sign that you challenge the status quo. And if you
are a Radical Faerie, then watch out!
So what is a
“radical” faerie? Well, it’s more than a single person, it’s a nearly
30-year-old movement (consisting mostly of gay men) that seeks to reject
hetero-assimilation and redefine gay identity by getting to the root (the
“radical” in Radical Faerie) of queer spirituality.
The late great
Harry Hay and others founded the movement as the Spiritual Conference for
Radical Faeries in Benson, Ariz. in 1979. To give you some context, Hay was one
of the founders of the modern Gay Civil Rights movement who formed the
Mattachine Society (an early gay rights organization) in 1951. By the mid
1980’s faerie clusters (that is, groups of Radical Faeries) had appeared in
most cities with large gay populations. The organization also established
communes in rural areas so they could practice “natural” magick and work
towards healing the gay spirit during the height of the AIDS epidemic. Today,
Radical Faerie sanctuaries exist in North America, Europe, Asia, and Australia.
In many ways,
the Faeries are a modern gay take on the old “Bohemian” countercultures that
have manifested themselves in various forms – such as beatniks and hippies –
over the years. Like these bohemians, Radical Faeries eschew the materialistic
consumerism and patriarchal aspects of modern gay life and seek to restore
healthier alternatives, such as constructs and rituals that celebrate nature
and Mother Earth. Environmental sustainability and spiritual healing are prime
directives.
The Radical
Faeries descended upon Salt Lake City in the summer of 1989 when I returned
from New York City after celebrating the 20th anniversary of the Stonewall
Riots. There the New York Faeries had rented out the basement of the old
Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street and were taking guided tours of “10,000
years of Gay History in 20 Minutes” that culminated with throwing foam yellow
bricks at the pigs (police officers) while shouting, “Gay Power!” When I first
me the Faeries it was a hot, hot sticky New York night and they were melting.
One came up to me, gave me a $20 bill and asked if I’d go across the street and
buy as many soft drinks as I could carry for them. I looked the guy in the eye
and said, “You asked the right person because I will do it.” He smiled a cute
smile at me and said he could tell I was a kindred spirit. After I returned
with the sodas the Faeries showed me the altar of Maybelline beauty products
and a shrine to the goddess Judy Garland. Here I knelt as they whacked with a
faerie wand and showered with glitter. And so I became a Faerie.
Upon returning
to Salt Lake City I immediately shared my adventures with friends. While some
thought, “Oh brother, here’s another Ben Williams looney tunes escapade,” I
could tell that some of the faerie dust was sticking. I sent out a Sufi call to
the universe saying an organizational meeting of the Radical Faeries would
commence under the July 20th full moon. Three souls showed for the gathering,
Connell “Rocky” O’Donovan, Michael Pipkim, and me, of course.
In our circle we invoke the Gay Spirit to
determine the focus of our endeavor and we did a butterfly spread from the
Native American medicine cards to determine a four year plan for our group.
Rocky and I thought of our new group as sort of an urban guerrilla tag team,
spray painting pro-gay graffiti, putting up posters and generally waging “in
your face” warfare against patriarchy with our outrageous antics. However the
Butterfly Spread told us to remain innocent and to become playful like children
– harmless and honoring the Spirit which allows everyone to win. We were amazed
that the Gay Spirit spoke to our hearts, stating that the ultimate purpose of
this Faerie circle was to find a sacred space where gentleness would heal all
wounds and where the message of unconditional love could be heard.
Over the next
four years the Sacred Faeries grew to nearly fifty men and women who had their
medicine cards read, found their animal guide totem, and took a new Faerie
name. Mine was Gayflower Fearnought Butt Love. Others were Hummingbird,
Gillian, Skybear, Fuku, Asparagus, Homo Erectus, Apple Star, Puck, Ariel,
Little Bull, Sky Rat, Spirit Dancer, Ursis Heribulis, Starry One, Jasper
Nightshade and so many more. Eventually we published a ‘zine chronicling our
antics called the Salt and Sage which we shared with other Faerie Groups across
the country. We met under the full moons to perform magick and feasted at Sabots
to honor the seasonal cycles of nature. We danced sky-clad (buck naked) under
moons we called by their traditional forgotten names such as the Honey Moon, the Dragon Fire Moon and the
Blue Moon, the name for two full moons in the same month and a time which is
sacred to Faeries.
As Radical Faeries we embraced the belief of
“Do As Ye Wilt and Harm None.” We believed in respect: for Mother Earth by
walking lightly upon her and doing little to upset her intricate circle of
life, for all living creatures, for the Force which creates galaxies and DNA in
spiraling circles and the law of karma. Ultimately we believed that true Magick
is Love.
Our five Sacred Faerie tenants were:
1. Equality of the sexes is acknowledged
through timely rituals linked to the Sun and the Moon.
2. The Earth is our mother and we must take
care of her.
3. We are incarnating essences in an endless
cycle of birth, death, and rebirth.
4.
Magick is used for life-affirming purposes only and must be in harmony
with the laws of nature and the psyche.
5. Missionary tactics are taboo. Faeries are
attracted to the call of the
Sufi (and the rustling of taffeta). The Gay
Spirit will sing to the Gay Spirit.
Our adopted
Sacred Faerie Lore held that Faeries hiss when they are happy; Faeries are blue
when they are very good; Faeries are mostly vegetarians, making love in their
gardens; Faeries commune regularly with the delvic world and with all plants
and animals
Sadly, the
Sacred Faeries' glimmer faded away in 1993 with many scattering to the four
directions, some passing into new forms of spiritual existence, and some
becoming solitary practitioners. But part of our legacy was the newspaper The
Pillar founded originally by Sacred Faeries of which Todd Dayley was one. The
name came from the Sacred Faeries stratum of Pillars, a group of faeries
converse in enough magick to lead Sabot and Full Moon circle gatherings.
Perhaps after
reading this you might get in touch with the little faerie within you. In fact
a gay men’s group led by Jerry Buie appears to be rekindling the glow of
magick. Check them out and remember, the Goddess is alive and Magick is afoot!
26 July 2008 Saturday
The month sure is flying by. It's
been hot here in the 100's. Mike Romero met this UPS driver who delivers parts
to his office and he's been coming over and spending the night about once a
week. It’s really strange because he's
married and lives in Payson so he spends the nights here when he has to work
the next morning early or has an early meeting.
He's 28 years old, blond, and cute, and sleeps
on the twin bed in the front room and while he flirts and is suggestive he
never does anything to overtly suggest that he'd like to have sex. He's full of bravado at times but he good for
Michael and it’s always fun to have a cute guy in the house.
When he spends
the night, he takes a shower here and I fix him some dinner. So that's been kind of different. It's been
going on for about 3 weeks now.
I wrote an
article for the QSaltLake on the Sacred Faeries after attending that pot luck
on the 24th.
Smokey is SOOO
much better. He's like a new dog. He's trying to screw Buddy all the time and
he's so full of piss and vinegar. Poor
little guy must have been in pain for a long while.
27
July 2008 Sunday
I had Mark
Swanson over for Sunday dinner to get that social obligation over with. I like
Mark but only in small doses as lately he has been so negative about everyone
and everything.
28
July 2008-31 July 2008
No
Entries
August
1 August 2008 Friday
No entry
2 August 2008 Saturday
Mike Romero went to the Park City
Art Festival with Mark Andersen, his wife Tiffany, and her friend Becky. Mike Romero observed that Tiffany seemed to
be hanging out more with Becky then with Mark and he didn’t like the way she
treated him. He wanted to buy a watch
but she wouldn’t let him but she spent money on her self and Becky. Michael treated Mark to most things.
3 August 2008-5
August 2008
No entry
6 August 2008 Wednesday
I am painting the TV room a
chocolate brown from all the paint Randy Gile had left over when they moved to
Montana, and it was a big job just moving the crap out of there. I painted the
ceiling today. I am stiff and sore from all the reaching stretching and
climbing...but it needs to be done.
Smokey is better
but I don't think he'll be 100 per cent
again but then neither will I if I ever was.
7 August 2008 Thursday
No Entry
8 August 2008
Friday
I have the summer doldrums. It’s
too hot to be outside and I am too tired to keep the house up so I stay
downstairs working at my computer for most of the time. Mike Romero avoids me
when he comes home from work but I don’t much care anymore.
John Edwards who
was once the Golden boy and presidential candidate admitted to having an affair
with his former campaign worker. I
always thought he was quite the good looker.
9 August 2008 Saturday
The Black Comedian Bernie Mac
died today at age of 50. Heart attack I think. I liked his Bernie Mac Show.
10 August 2008 Sunday
I was invited to Todd Bennett’s
and Ron Hunts pool party but I didn’t make it. Song writer Isaac Hayes who
wrote the Theme from Shaft died today
11 August 2008-12
August 2008
No Entry
13 August 2008 Wednesday
I sent Mike Romero an email with
a picture of a women who tattooed her twat to look like a fish. I told him to
show it to Mark Anderson and tell him This is why some women smell like fish.
The Olympics in China is all that is going on
in the news
14 August 2008-16 August 2008
No Entries
17 August 2008 Sunday
Today is the last day of my summer
vacation and its back to work tomorrow. However I was at school all day trying
to organize my room...what a pain.
18 August 2008-19 August 2008
No Entries
20 August 2008 Wednesday
I wrote my Niece, Denise saying
she must take care of her student loan...I just received a registered letter
saying that they will turn it over to an attorney for collections by August
29! My credit union says that my credit
rating already shows delinquencies so I almost didn't get my loan. I co signed
for her so they will come after me if she doesn’t take care of it.
21 August 2008-25
August 2008
No Entries
.
26 August 2008 Tuesday
Ben Anderson and Mattia want to
borrow the Sonoma to go to San Francisco where Mattia Lumaca needs to go to get
some forms to stay in America for a period of time: I just put a new starter
and clutch wheel in the truck this past week
so it should be good for a trip to San Francisco.
27 August 2008 Wednesday
No Entry
28 August 2008 Thursday
Mike Romero said that Mark
Anderson finally let Mike give him a massage. He kept his underwear on but took
everything else off. It shows that Mark
is getting more and more comfortable hanging around us. We aren’t sure whether Mark is coming out of
the closet or not? One minute he acts so
straight and the next minute he is calling Mike Romero “Dad” and that he loves
him.
29 August 2008 Friday
Mark Andersen showed up on my
doorstep late this evening about 8 p.m. I told him that Mike Romero had gone to
Seattle for the Labor Day weekend to spend time with his aunt Alice.
I could tell
that he was super stressed out so I invited him in and fed him some supper. I
began massaging his back to comfort him and he was enjoying it. So I screwed up my courage and said that he
needed a really good rub down and he needed to lie down on the front room bed
so I could do it properly.
While I went to
get some olive oil I was pleasantly surprised to see him strip off his clothes
standing buck naked. I told him to lie down and he laid on his back so I
covered his dick with a towel and began massaging his chest, neck, legs, and
feet. He had a boner but I tried to ignore it and had him turn on his stomach
and I rubbed hard his back and neck.
He was a bundle
of stress. I then concentrated on his
legs and thighs and ass cheeks. He didn’t seem to mind at all my massaging
around his ass.
After about 20
minutes I had him turn back over and the towel slipped off and he had a huge
stiffy. I massaged his stomach and his thighs and did a quick rub of oil on his
dick and he said “I like what you did there…”
Say no more and
I was blowing him. He wanted to blow me saying he had never sucked a man’s dick
before. Well then we started to 69 but I
wanted to show him that there was more then sucking dick and I had him climb on
top of me and he began to fuck me. I
could tell that this was extreme for him and while he wanted to please me he
couldn’t finish so I said that was okay and that I knew he was stressed out. I then made the bed for him and kissed his
forehead and let him get some sleep.
I sent my nephew
Ken Jones some information I had found
on his family having wished him a happy birthday on the 27th. It’s hard to
believe he’s 32 years old now. I wrote
him about his being born and how the Jones mistreated Mom and the old man
threatened me. He wrote me back today
“I apologize for
not getting back to you a lot sooner. I
am well into my vacation and I am exhausted.
I have been working on my mother-in-laws house. Jehil is always on the
computer and she finally decided to let me on so I can check my emails and
respond to some of them.
I wanted to tell
you that I really appreciate the last email, and I understand what you all may
have gone through. I really do wish we
could have been closer to Grandma. I
think now that I have a kid I realize how important it is.
I am making an effort to keep in touch with
Grandma Wilma and have her know Deirdre.
I wish we all lived closer because I would be there visiting more often. If it were up to Jehil she would probably
have Deirdre be with all her grandmas all the time.
I wish my mom
could see Deirdre more often. Thanks
again Ken Oh let me know if you find anything on Donald Jones in Sioux city
Iowa from the 1925 census.
John McCain
chose a goofball named Sarah Palin from Alaska as his running mate on the
Republican ticket. No has heard of her but I guess McCain thinks he will get
the women’s vote because of it.
30 August 2008 Saturday
After Mark Andersen got up and
took a shower, I fixed him breakfast. He didn’t seem to weirded out by what
happened last night but he didn’t want me to tell Michael Romero what happened.
I told him I wouldn’t. He said he had to
get home and he left about 10 a.m. this morning. The house seemed empty without him.
I wrote my
nephew Ken Jones: Got off the phone with mom and she's doing well...she said
you have Deidre in pre-school and she loves it so much she doesn't want to come
home. She says your daughter is fluent in Spanish and English. That is
wonderful. She will need it in the world she will inherit.
I know you have been super busy... I painted a
couple of rooms of my house this summer and I am thinking why the hell am I
doing it? It used to be easier ten years ago. LOL
I am back in
school now for a new school year. Still teaching 5th Grade...watched the
Democratic Convention and was a Hilary Clinton supporter but after listening to
Obama's acceptance speech I feel good about voting for him and not just voting
against McCain.
You never knew
you Grandma Johnson but if you want to know what she was like look to your Mom.
Grandma and Donna were like peas in a pod even both being left handed... I
think that is why Grandma Johnson was so partial to Donna. Did you know your
mother was an anthropology major in college? Take care and kiss you beautiful
wife and daughter for me. Uncle Jr.
September
1 September 2008 Monday Labor Day
Mike Romero went off to Seattle
for the Labor Day Weekend and I was here by myself to take care of the four
pups until he came in late tonight.
So much for Republican Family
Values. McCain’s running mate Sarah Palin announced that her unwed 17-year-old
daughter Bristol is pregnant. Ha!
2 September 2008 Tuesday
Mark Andersen came over this evening and spent the
night with Mike Romero and me watching movies on Michael’s big screen TV and
looking at straight porno. I went to bed
early about 9 to get up for school tomorrow.
“When you’re hot
your hot” Jerry Reed died today age 71. Goodbye Cletus
3 September 2008 Wednesday
After Michael Romero went to work
at 6 this morning, I crawled in bed with Mark Andersen in the living room as he
was sleeping. I wanted to hold him and wake him up gently. He had no problem
letting me hold him until he got up about 7 to get ready for work himself.
He doesn’t eat breakfast so he was gone by
7:30 then I got ready for work myself.
When Mike Romero got home he couldn’t contain
himself and told me that he had sucked off Mark Andersen last night. I didn’t say anything about last week’s
escapade except that Mark had come over for a massage.
Later about 7:30 in the evening, Mark stopped
over and I fixed him some supper but he said he had to get home to his wife in
Salem, Utah. The house sure seemed
gloomier when he left.
4 September 2008 Thursday
No entry
5 September 2008 Friday
Sarah Palin accepted the Republican vice president candidacy. The weather has cooled off down into the 80's . Mark Andersen hasn't come
by all week so Mike Romero's been kind of bitchy.
Ben Anderson is still in Italy. He said he
thought he had enough money to pay for both Mattia and himself but he’s about $400
short however, that will change on the
17th when he gets paid again. .
He asked, So what
do you think of Sarah Palin? Isn't she
just the sweetest pit-bull you ever did see? I replied: Sarah Palin is trailer trash made good!
6 September 2008
Saturday
Mike Romero and I took a drive up to Ogden to get out of the
house. It’s the first time we have done that together in quite a while. So it
was a good Saturday.
7 September 2008
Sunday
No Entry
8 September 2008
Monday
I am home from school after 5 pm because
there’s so much to plan for at the beginning of a new school years and the kids
are now settling in and their true personalities are coming out. I am so
mentally exhausted that I am in bed by 9 at night.
9 September 2008 Tuesday
The relationship with our UPS man’s is getting complicated like he’s getting
cold feet about being involved with two Gay guys. I think he might have Gay. panic....
We haven't seen him or heard from him for a week and Michael Romero has a short
fuse if things aren't going his way, but actually Mike and I have been pretty
good.
Tom Folks has
started coming over again to watch movies with Mike Romero...I can only take
Tom for so long and then I leave...he's too vacant for me. I guess that is pretty mean of me to say
because he is a sweet guy but I can only engage for so long in meaningless
chatter.
There’s no
gossip here from the community that I know of. My right leg is stiff and sore
hard for me to walk on it...not sure what is causing that except old age
Benjamin
Anderson wrote me “Am driving to Croatia tomorrow and Thursday to see if we can
get my passport stamped. It’s a six hour
drive and have to go through Slovenia and then Croatia. Should be interesting. I hope I don't get put in the stalag!”
I wrote back: watch
out for Vampires.
10 September 2008-
11 September 2008
No entries
12 September 2008
Friday
Mike Romero and I got a new washer and dryer today at Sears. It's
a stackable one with the washer on the bottom and the dryer on top. Our old
washer we had since we bought the house, also from Sears finally gave out and
the dryer was old too. The stackable frees up a little more room in the basement so
it isn’t as cramped here where I have my computer set up.
The State Fair
is ending this weekend. We thought about going but didn't So I guess I won’t
get to see the butter cow sculpture and cows, goats, and pigs.
13 September 2008-15
September 2008
No entries
.
16 September 2008 Tuesday
It’s the same
old routine now. Work keeps me busy and I am back to going to bed by 9 and
getting up at 6 in the morning. I only
have 25 students this year so that is wonderful.
Mike Romero has another
person helping him at his job so he doesn't come home all stressed out and
taking it out on me. We haven't seen our UPS man in about two weeks. I think he
has gay panic for sure and has gone into
withdrawals oh well...
The economy is going down the crapper. On wall
Street Lehman Brothers lost billions and filed for bankruptcy. Merrill Lynch
was taken over by Bank of America. Fannie Mae and Mac have been taken over by
the government. The AIG is about to fold so the stock market is crashing and
some say its the worse state of affairs since the Great Depression....
But America will
deserve to go down the tubes if John McCain and Sarah Palin are elected this
fall.
My right leg is
going out on me...sometimes it aches so bad and sometimes I actually feel like
its going out from under me... fat and old so what do I expect?
17 September 2008 Wednesday,
Ben Anderson wrote and said he and Mattia Lumaca have hit a Visa
snag and have contacted Rome and are awaiting for a reply. Meg and Jared Anderson have finally bought his
car.
18 September 2008 Thursday
The cute UPS guy, Mark Andersen,
finally showed up again at the house. He said he had been under a lot of stress
at work and at home. I had him eat supper with us and then he and Mike Romero
went back to Mike’s room where Mike Romero sucked him off.
19 September 2008
Friday
No Entry
20 September 2008
Saturday
I left the house and went to the
Mormon genealogical library this morning where I received a call from Mattia
Lumaca. I was able to talk to Mattia briefly before he lost his signal. Then my
phone battery went low so I never did get to connect back with him. He said
he’s working at a restaurant in Italy where he can be openly Gay...
21 September 2008 Sunday
Mike and I went to Chuck A Rama
on 4th South for Sunday dinner. All that is in the news is that President Bush
wants the Treasury department to have access to $700 billion without any
accountability to Congress or the courts, in violation of the Constitution. It
appears that this Wall Street Crisis is
a treasonous pretense for more power grabbing
22 September 2008-25 September 2008
No entry
26 September 2008 Friday
I guess I am feeling a tad bit
guilty of having Mark Andersen over here so often to spend time and have sex,
leaving his wife there in Salem alone at times. She doesn’t seem to be terribly
upset and perhaps happy not to have him around all the time. They have a dog
named Zoe that Mark asked if I would print a dog food coupon for which I did.
I emailed Tiffany
Andersen: Hi Tiffany this in Ben, Marks friend in Salt Lake City...I printed
off a coupon for you for Science Diet and Mark has it... any time you see a
coupon that you need email me the link and I will print it and give to Mark to
give to you... I hope you enjoy the DVD player... I never used it so if you can
get use out of it, happy to give it away...
I also have a
nice blender that a friend gave me that is like new...he moved to Italy...if
you could use it I will send it home with Mark the next time he's up...
The last of the
MGM superstars Paul Newman aka Butch Cassidy died today age 83. He was one of my favorite actors and
humanitarians.
27 September 2008
Saturday
No Entry
28 September 2008
Sunday
Billy Bikowski turned 47 today. I
often think about him still and wonder where he is and whether he’s happy with
his life choices that did not include me.
29 September 2008-30
September 2008
No Entries
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