Winter First Quarter Journal 2016 January-March President Obama's 4th Year

 

JOURNAL 2016

1 January 2016 Friday

      Today is Kyle Daniel’s birthdays. Well all the neighbors were banging pans or shooting off fireworks at midnight so it must officially be 2016. A 62 story luxury building in Dubai caught fire on the 31^st but it seems a miracle that no one was killed. The hounds and I slept in until 8:30 and then I fixed some waffles and sausages that we shared. I am a 64 and half year old man stilling dwelling at 1633 Fernleaf Street in Salt Lake City, Utah. I am retired now and have been for half a year now. I live alone but I like it. Someone would have to be pretty special for me to give up my space and solitude. Well I don’t actually live alone. I have my Schnauzers, Daisy, Buddy, and Lucky. Then of course little Coco comes to visit ever week day. My health seems fairly good considering I have diabetes. Need to start monitoring my sugars better now that the holidays are over. I am at the age now anything can happen. I have lived a good life, loved a lot of people, and tried to make a difference in this old world whether I did or not time will tell. A person contacted me on a story I posted in my Utah History Blog for December 29. It was on the first Gay couple in Utah to have their wedding announcement published in 1995 by the Tribune of course. He had read it on line and sent to me two pictures to update my post... one from 1995 and one from 2013 at their daughter's high School Graduation. Change comes incrementally but it does come. Haters will hate but love always wins.  I took Levon out for lunch at the Other Place for his upcoming birthday. He said he called Charles Frost to visit over the holidays and when he asked about me, Charles just said I don't know we aren't talking lol ... Before meeting Levon I met up with Bill Poore to deliver him some Split Pea soup. The end of the year was somewhat stressful with my cruiser breaking down but I hope it is all well.

2 January 2015 Saturday

Protesters in Burns, Oregon Dwight Hammond, a local rancher convicted of arson on federal land, occupied the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge there. The militant group led by the sons of Cliven Bundy said they are a militia ready to take on the government. Delusional Mormons.  Sources report that Militants of the Islamic State (ISIS) have executed a 15 year-old boy by throwing him off a roof in Syria’s eastern city of Deir ez-Zor for being gay and in a relationship with a high ranking ISIS officer. “The horrific execution took place in front of a large crowd,” a local media activist and an eyewitness told ARA News in Deir ez-Zor. “The boy was accused of being engaged in a homosexual relations with the prominent ISIS officer Abu Zaid al-Jazrawi,” media activist Sarai al-Din told ARA News. While the boy was executed, Abu Zaid was expelled to Iraq to fight on the front lines after being renounced and his leadership position taken away The Sharia Court in Deir ez-Zor had demanded the execution of Abu Zaid for being homosexual, but the ISIS top commanders insisted to let him join the battlefronts in Iraq instead.

3 January 2015 Sunday

Had Bill Poore over for Sunday dinner, then I went hot tubbing then watch Downton Abby ... It was a good day. I had invited Mike Romero and Kent Scadlock but only Bill made it over. Sad to hear that Brenda Tau’a died the same day as dad did. Her funeral is tomorrow. It didn’t say what she died of but probably diabetes as I knew she had it back when I taught with her before she retired in 2000 . I taught with Brenda for many years at Orchard Elementary. Another woman I taught with at Orchard was Susan McAdams who died about a year ago this same time. Susan McAdams was Ben McAdams’ mother. I taught Brenda's son Gabe who is the same age as Kyle Foote...

4 January 2015 Monday

Got my morning chores done... all my baking and organized my spice cabinet. One shelf for baking items and spices and another for cooking spices. Now if I could only remember why I bought turmeric. I have a cabinet next to my stove that is just filled with spices and herbs. Man cannot live by Salt and Pepper and Cinnamon alone. When I left to go to Smiths a neighbor lady said that I had a flat tire. I thought shit not again but at least this time I have AAA and a man came out and put on the spare so I could go to Discount Tires in Bountiful. While I was taking to AAA I upped my card from Classic to Plus... I picked up the tiniest sliver of a metal square object. It probably had been stuck in there for a few days slowly leaking air. But all’s well that ends well. Robert Cross came over at 5:30 to practice his talk for the story Charles Frost asked him to do... he’s all nervous. At Gay Men Aloud it was Charles Frost’ turn to facilitate. I took my time getting to the meeting and arrived at 6:15 and Charles still hadn’t come. I was pissed. It’s his turn and he should have been here to set up. But why should he start now? I set up the refreshments and had made banana nut bread and orange blueberry sugar free bread. But Chuck didn’t show. I am sure he’s doing something for Jackie Biskupski’s swearing in as SLC mayor. Kent McKay Scadlock counted 44 people at the first meeting of the new year. David Chapin, David Andreason, Robert Edward Cross, and Berry Payne shared their stories with us. I was tired at GMA and Charles rambling about life lines and collages was putting me to sleep...Barely got home and undressed for the night when Chuck Whyte called and needed to go to the ER at LDS hospital so here I am waiting for him to be admitted. He fell while walking home from Smith food and his side has gotten progressively painful. So up here for X-rays... It's been a long day and I guess it's gonna be longer... Hope I can be home by Midnight. If they are not going to keep him overnight but they are taking forever in ER Not leaving him on his own till I know what is going on

        Bill Poore-I guess I am just really different.  I would never have called you, but then again he does not drive.  I would have called a cab, am really independent really used to emergencies, I am very comfortable being in ER on my own, I really don't like keeping anyone waiting while I am checked.  I would make you go home. ERs takes forever, you could be there for hours.  I mean if an Emergency comes in they will drop Chuck until they get the other patient stable.  If you need me call me.  I will get dressed and come up there.

        I am fine and get some sleep

        Bill Poore -I actually have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning.....then blood draw on Friday and two appointments on Monday....the scary ones. Is there any more word on Chuck, what are they going to do?

        I haven't heard a word

        Bill Poore I am just now getting over that stupid fall of mine....I have a hand appointment next week and it still hurts...he fall on his rib, you remember a bruised rib hurts and takes forever to heal. ER is a good place to pick up a trick...little drug addicts hanging around are good for a quick blow job.

        You are living in fantasy land

        No I did a lot of ER in NYC, St Vincent's was just a few box from my place. When you have AIDS friends and street hustlers in your life you spend a lot of time in ER...the doctors are normally very young and cute. ER is boring so other people waiting for friends can be a source of interest, who knows maybe even a new ward.

        Kevin Scott Wishing Chuck a speedy recovery!

        Michael Aaron West Hugs to you both...you're a good friend

        David Andreason You're a good friend, Ben. smile emoticon

        Bill Poore ER can be exhausting for both of you...Hope he is ok.

        Tom Shoemake Hope he's ok and you are an amazing friend!!!!

        Chuck Whyte Edgar Ben Williams , you truly know the meaning of unconditional friendship, thanks again for once again saving my butt

        Deb Rosenberg How's your butt, Chuck? Are you broken, or just bruised? Sending love.

         Alan Anderson Saint Ben!

        Carol Gnade So sorry. I just spoke with Chuck tonight at Jackie's party. I hope he is okay. You are a great friend, Ben he is lucky to have you.

        Ruadhan O'Sheridan You are awesome, Ben. If you are reading this, Chuck, I wish you a speedy recovery!

        Denise Wachs How's your friend uncle Ben?

         Edgar Ben Williams He's home resting and is on Percocet so probably better than me...

         Trevor DeReus Hoping it all works out well. You’re a great friend!

        Douglas Wortham You are an angel.

        Edgar Ben Williams Chuck Whyte is one of the most dedicated and selfless person I know that has dedicated 35 years of his life building a community here for Gay people... He just needed someone to be there for him when he needed someone...

         Jd David Burton You're a champ my friend. Good gesture. Sleep awaits.

5 January 2015 Tuesday

Finally home at 1:30 am from taking Chuck to the ER. X-rays didn't show any breaks but still going to be sore from contusions. The ER waiting room is a strange place to be with so many people hurting and suffering. I am exhausted but grateful that I am not in pain like so many people and especially Chuck are in this night. Pups are glad to see me home and I am glad to be home safe and warm... I've got a minor head ache from lack of sleep...I had been up since 5 yesterday so it was a very long day. I just came home from a long lunch with Kent McKay Scadlock at his brothers place called Scaddys in West Valley. We were meeting initially for a quick lunch but we were joined by a longtime friend of his named Billie and with visiting with his brother ended up staying there from 12:30 to 4:00. But I am still exhausted from being out so late last night that after taking Coco home I think I will feed the dogs and then curl up with them and watch TV in bed. Sounds like a plan. Just read where Donna Douglas “Ellie May Clampet” died January 2 at the age 82. President Obama announced he is issuing an executive orders to tighten background checks for gun purchasers. He shed a tear when he mentioned the Sandy Hook children.

        To Ron Holmgren: I don't see being Gay a part of my sexuality I see it as my identity and my connection to a Gay folk... If paralyzed from the waist down I'd still be a Gay man... Sexuality doesn't have a history but Gay people do

        Roland Ron Holmgren You are a good man. Chuck is blessed to have you as a friend.

        Edgar Ben Williams If we don't watch over each other who will?

        Chuck Whyte Amen and Amen Roland Ron Holmgren , Edgar Ben Williams takes care of a number of us..... Happy Tuesday One and All........My Monday started out by seeing Derek Kitchen ( Council District 4 ) and Jackie Biskupski ( Mayor ) take their oaths of office, , I then stopped by Smiths to get my meds and a few groceries, I crossed 500 East heading West , I was about 12 feet from the intersection when I tripped on either a sprinkler head or an uneven area of the sidewalk, well I ended up face down on the sidewalk and the flower garden ( MUD) , Thankfully a Police Officer was nearby and assisted me with getting back up and gathering my items , I was able to get home with minimal pain and ended up going to Jackie Biskupski Celebration where i spent most of the evening sitting and chatting with other volunteers , when I was leaving the Leonardo , a friend called me and we were having fun and I started to laugh, then the rib pain started and in less than 30 minutes of arriving back home I was in Edgar Ben Williams car heading to the ER at LDS , they x-rayed my Right side of my ribs and my Left thumb , thankfully nothing was broken or cracked, just VERY sore , When the Doctor pressed on the SORE spot it caused so much pain that I grabbed his arm , I was discharged home and was given a multi-page set of instructions that included pain meds every 6 hours...... I wish I could have just a few days where I don't try to visit Jesus early.....LOL

6 January 2016 Wednesday

I think Chuck is losing it...he woke me up at 7:00 this morning with a text asking if I could take him to his podiatrist appointment at 845 so I said I'd be there at 8:30 and when I got there I text “I am here”. After waiting 10 minutes he then he texts me that his appointment is Thursday. He didn't tell me that detail... I was so pissed... So I told him to find someone else to take him tomorrow... Probably would have upset me that much if I wasn't feeling run down. If his appointment was for Thursday why did he have to wake me up so early today to ask for a ride?  All these friends of his said to call them if he needed anything so let him ... I did my service my service Monday and am paying the price for it.  I feel so worn out. I have little energy and need to just rest and rest some more. I guess being closer to 65 instead of 45 is finally catching up with me. I would call in sick if I was still working. I just seriously needed some rest... and I have a fever blister on my lip so must have had some virus that was not enough to lay me low but just drain my energy.  I feel like I am trying to come down with something...feel lethargic and warm... Think I will stay in bed all day tomorrow.

        Bill Poore -.didn't feel great today myself, went to the pool but felt like shit.  A lot of the guys have been sick with colds.  My breathing has been shit with this air. I am trying to do the pool every day.  My friend Anita and I have made a pledge to not be couch potatoes. U need to set limits with Chuck, don't blame you at all. It is those pain meds

        Me- You are probably right who knows how much Percocet he's on

        Bill So I had my eyes examined yesterday at the VA.....the guy that did them was a returned missionary former BYU football player...he was a god, about 6 1, dark hair, blue eyes, big lips, perfect skin, he worked on me for about 45 mins... I mean real close you sitting on one of those little stools with his leg spread right up next to me....sweet, sweet boy.  I teased him about the Y but he took me to the Celestial Kingdom for about 45 mins. He was in perfect shape, sort of the Christopher Reeve look but more boyish.  I never enjoyed an appointment more. He is married with two babies...heading off to Iowa at the end of this year for a job, moving to a small town.....he and I really clicked. He told me so much about himself his struggles at the Y because of grades etc...he said the mission saved him. He was so fucking cute. I am still high.

        Me-You are a sucker for cute boys

        Bill oh please you would have been wet if he was working on you, he was a god....He was a man...football player hot.

        and so they will stop being called a Militia but rather insurrectionists that they are and delusional Mormons

        Craig Hunter Thanks to this terrorist cell the school system up there has had to close down for the protection of the children. I wonder how many millions of dollars this is going to cost the American taxpayers. What a joke. These people from out-of-state need to go back to their own State and mind their own business.

        To Kent Scadlock FYI there's 185 dollars in the cash box for GMA

        Kent Let's go shopping!!! LOL  Once we hit 200.00 we should make a church donation. We should run that by Charles. What do you think?

        I think that we probably should. Since the last donation was back in October when I gave them 100 dollars.  That would still leave us a $100 to build upon.  If you want to let Charles know what we are doing that is fine but we don't need his approval since he is reluctant to do anything with the group beyond his presiding over his Mondays.  Does that sound snotty and bitchy? Good LOL

7 January 2016 Thursday

Woke up to a valley of fog that I guess came in off the lake. I worked on my Danforth genealogy much of the morning searching the elusive Holt side of the family. Simple pleasures sitting in the hot tub on a foggy winter day watching 4 squirrelly squirrels playing in the trees being acrobats and laughing at Lucky because can't climb trees. I bet there will be a slew of religious liberty bills that are bound to come in this legislative session will be proposed by religious bigots... The loony tunes are turning on each other... But what do expect from dysfunctional angry straight white men. Brian Cavalier the so called body guard of Cliven and Ammon Bundy lied about being a marine... Here he is drunk with a pistol by his side... Yep God is on their side...This is an example of the type of person the Utah legislators inspires with their anti-federal rhetoric, their law suits to take away federal control of public lands and supporting a law breaking county council man who defied BLMs orders. Utah's GOP are coconspirators in my book.

8 January 2016 Friday

Cooked my Chili Verde and pinto beans for the dinner party tomorrow so glad I moved it to Saturday nights

9 January 2016 Saturday

Its sweet John Cunnigham’s 65^th birthday. I hope he’s at peace.  An article in the SL Tribune said a survey placed SLC in 7^th place out of 50 cities in the United States. T’s a Great article but said nothing about the 40 years of constant building of Gay acceptance in Salt Lake nothing about the social consciousness raising of the 1970's, the organization and social support groups of the 1980's, dealing with back lash in the 1990's, the political action committees of the 2000's, the influx of Gay money in the 2010's... Lots and lots of visible people doing lots and lots of heavy lifting got us to where we are today... It was movie night tonight so had to do a lot of housecleaning. I did most of the cooking yesterday, Well It was  a fun evening. I served chili verde, frijoles, Spanish rice for dinner and fudgy dark chocolate brownies. We had lots of good conversation. Greg and Jay brought their friend Alan Andersen so we had two Alan Anderson's tonight. We had a coup d'état for the movie and we watched Torch Song Trilogy instead of Priscilla. Mike Romero had brought both over and people wanted to see that instead so we did. Robert Cross had never seen it before so it was a good educational movie for him. He was tearing up afterwards and left early filled with emotions from the film. Afterwards Greg, Jay, their Alan, Andy went hot tubbing. Nice night for it. People wanted to see “Beef Cake” about Bob Mizer’s AMG Gay movies from the 1950s. I said I have on tape some of the old classic smokers from the 50s too. So it Should be fun. Kent McKay Scadlock did not come because he was sick with a cold.

10 January 2016 Sunday

Jackass Elder Neilsen of the Mormon 12 made a statement that the decision to exclude children of Gays from church until they were 18 and to excommunicate Gay married couples was a revelation to David Monson and was the will of the Lord. So there you have it. Jd David Burton a FB friend from Spring City was up to visit and he wanted to have sex so we did. Mostly jacking off. Kyle Daniels damn him is so much better but have not been with him for nearly a month Watch the 2^nd episode of Downton Abby.

11 January 2016 Monday

Woke up to the news that David Bowie died yesterday at the age of 69 years. He was the poet of my youth. Kyle Daniels wanted to come over after school. I had almost given up on him. He came over about 3 pm and we fucked and napped and fucked some more. He came three times. He must have been storing it up. In the evening I went up to the Library for the UPAN meeting as I said I would. Jim Dabakis didn’t make it but other legislators did.

12 January 2016 Tuesday

Time for bed after a busy day. I was up early to take Chuck Whyte to his doctor’s appointment this morning up at the LDS Hospital. Afterwards decided to treat him to breakfast because it’s been a while since I had taken him out. We went to CJs on 39th South and 11^th East and I was kind of disappointed. They raised their prices for their breakfast to$5.00 from $4.00 and while it was fine, I make better pancakes for sure. I also saw that they close at 3 p.m. so they have done away with their dinner menu all together.  After I came home,  I research the family of Oscar F. Danforth the oldest son of Thomas B Danforth and his first wife Matilda for the rest of the day until Andy Dalrymple called and asked if he could come over.  He sounded stressed so I said sure and I am glad I did. He gets clinically depressed and he was weepy and just needed to talk to get out of his own head. I feed him a 7 bean soup with ham I had made and we talked until about 10:30 when he could tell I was exhausted. President Obama’s last State of the Union address was tonight although I didn’t get to watch it. Social media was raving about it, however.

13 January 2016 Wednesday

Been babying Lucky who doesn't feel well. Lucky is just out of it and in a daze so been petting on him and lying down with him in bed. Hate seeing any of the pups not feeling well. But at least he’s drinking water and ate some gizzards for supper. I don’t know whether he caught a doggy bug or it’s something more serious. I got a 6 page letter from Kyle where finally he has some good news. Culinary classes started up again for him and he was surprised that they hired him as a tutor before he even finished his classes so he is being productive again and that is a good thing. While I was doing research on Fairview, Todd County, Kentucky, where the oldest son of Thomas B. Danforth lived during the Civil War, I found an interesting bit of trivia. There is a 351-foot tall concrete obelisk in the town which is the tallest unreinforced concrete structure in the world. It is the second tallest obelisk in the world after the Washington Monument. It is the fifth tallest monument in the United States, behind the Gateway Arch at 630 feet, the San Jacinto Monument at 567 feet, the Washington Monument at 555 feet, and the Perry's Victory and International Peace Memorial at 352 feet. The Crazy Horse Memorial, not yet completed, has a planned height of 563 feet. Elsewhere in the world, only the Great Pyramid of Giza, Khafre's Pyramid, Spring Temple Buddha, and Ushiku Daibutsu are taller monuments. It is dedicated to Jefferson Davis who was born in Fairview. With all the banning of the Confederate Flag and removing the name of Jefferson Davis from memorial highways this will be here forever.

14 January 2015 Thursday

Lucky is still kind of out of it. He wouldn’t move all night so several times I got up and let him drink water out of glass to stay hydrated. At least he is drinking and that is a good sign and he ate a little dry food but he still is not his old self.  It was gloomy and overcast with a dusting of snow this morning but when it cleared up it was beautiful with rich blue skies and the mountains were as clear as crystal. I spent much of my morning writing Kyle Foote to respond to his letter I received yesterday and to tell him about the Utah Prisoner Advocate Network meeting I went to on Monday. I wanted to get it in the mail before Rich Butler came over. Kent Scadlock, he and I went to Chubby’s at 1 for lunch and we stayed until 2:30 just visiting about California and road trips we had been on. The three of us are California boys after all. After Kent had to leave Rich came over and visited at the house until I had to take Coco home. He likes to talk and I like to listen especially after all the things he had done for me.  When I took Coco home Mike said that he is going with Tom Folks on a three day trip to Amarillo Texas. Tom is meeting his sister there to swap off a vehicle I suppose and he wanted company and someone to help with the driving otherwise it’s a free trip to get out of the city for a couple of days. Because I spent so much time with Rich I didn’t make it to the store but luckily I had a can of dog food to feed the pups tonight instead of their usual gizzards.  Did a little hot tubbing and think I will just rest for the rest of evening because of the interrupted sleep I had last night.

·         Dear Kyle, I received your good news letter yesterday January 13^th. I was amazed how fast it got here as you had dated it the 10^th.  The weather up here has been your typical cold gloomy January. We have had some fog as well as smog in the valley. Not much snow since December.  I guess the mountains are great. I am glad you reconciled with your friends. Life is too short and prison too long to hold grudges over superficial disappointments. Besides they need you as much as you need them for emotional and intellectual support while you are together at Gunderson.  Even if you are housed in a different unit.  So I am glad things are back to normal whatever normal can be while locked up. Did you try to call Wednesday? I had the phone by me at 6 pm and it never rang. So if you tried there is something wrong in the system but if you didn’t,  we will just try again next week. Maybe you didn’t think your letter would reach me so fast that I received on yesterday Wednesday afternoon.  I don’t know what happened on the 6^th. I am sure I was home but maybe the phone was on silence or something because I didn’t forget about 6 o’clock Wednesday being our calling time.  I am very excited for you about becoming a tutor. Congratulations.  I know you are now super busy and how great is that!  Maybe it was for the best that the TV was taken away while you are going to be so busy.  The fun thing for you is being able  to cook what you want as a tutor and that you don’t have to use onions!  Do you want me to send you your mom’s Funeral Potato recipe? LOL All that hard work making the curriculum paid off for you didn’t it? Still it would have been nice to have been told you were the new tutor but if you are going to have a surprise this was a happy one not like being shuffled off to Manila. It shows that they think you are quite competent if they have you being a tutor before you graduate. Does this mean that you will be able to stay on as a culinary tutor until your release or is it a semester by semester deal? It would be fun to have a buddy to work with in the kitchen come March. Do you still have classes on Fridays and Saturdays or is Sundays still the best time.   I am glad you will get paid again starting in April so you can have pocket money again. Let me know if you need anything until then. Do you still need me to put money in on the 25^th of each month? I think you wrote you were okay because you were refunded the television deposit. Yes, don’t neglect doing some exercise as well as a cleanse. I know you will be tired but  try to find time to burn off some calories. Trust me, about in your mid-thirties that boyish figure starts to be replaced with a manly girth. But as least you have access to healthy fruits and vegetables and less starchy food.  [Bran muffins for your fiber and sweet tooth]. Cleanses are good for the bowels but don’t really do much for losing weight. Drink lots of water and eat lots of fiber and just keep moving. Sounds like you plan on doing that anyway. I think it is smart to get all your ducks in a row for review before the Board of Pardons, whatever they decide.  Double check what is in your file from your case workers though, and make sure it is all accurate if you can. The horror stories I heard at the UPAN meeting were upsetting how the bureaucracy can be inept by uncaring and some over worked people. If it takes moving to get a better case worker do it.  Not having a release date is one of the complaints that were brought up at the UPAN meeting.  Let me know when you need a letter and I will write one for you. Let me know what specifically they are looking for… I attended the Utah Prisoner Advocate Network last Monday at the downtown library. If Jeff’s mother was there I wouldn’t have known it. I knew about the change and sent a message to Jim but don’t know if he got the message in time about the “invite your legislator” meeting. There were probably about eight legislators there split between Democrats and Republicans.. Rebecca Chavez-Houck was there as well as Brian King, Mark Wheatley, Brian Greene, and Robert Spendlove and others I can’t remember off the top of my head. The room was pretty crowded about 60 people showed up almost all family members especially mothers and interested parties. The meeting lasted 2 hours from 6:30 to 8:30 with people getting up to speak for 5 minutes. The main theme that came up over and over was the need to reform how the board of pardons is unaccountable for their decisions that were often influenced by reports from incompetent social workers and therapists, from statements that were in inmate’s files. There were complaints that some therapists used a generic form without getting into the specifics of each individual case. People were upset that the Board of Pardon does not follow the matrix for sentencing and arbitrarily adds on more time simply on how they personally feel was the seriousness of the offense. People were upset that many of their family members were given indefinite sentences by the board when their matrix said it should be only for so many months. People wanted the Board of Pardons to base their decisions solely on the chance of recidivism and not on the seriousness of the crime as that decision should be the courts at the initial sentencing. People complained that people who are ideal inmates are often transferred from Prisons where they had jobs and treatment programs only to be warehoused in county jail. People wanted the same visiting rights in county jails as there are for inmates in state prisons and felt that they were being punished as well as the inmates. That came up a lot on how the arbitrary decisions made not only affected the inmates but they felt like families were being punished also. People complained about the Good Landlord Program on how wives can’t find descent housing for themselves and their children when their husbands are released because of the law that allows landlords to refuse to rent to felons. Almost all landlords sign up because if they don’t a landlord may pay 10 to 20 times the assessments on their rental units as those who don’t.  They wanted the box asking if a person is a felon banned for first time offenders or nonviolent crimes. It was brought up that those who have to register as sex offenders, which is a third of the prison population,  are also prohibited from public schools which keeps sex offenders from attending parent teachers conferences with their children. The main gist of all the speakers though,  was that reform at  the Board of Pardon level is needed with accountability to more people than just the governor, and that they should not be allowed to sentence inmates to longer terms than their matrix requires without competent information in their case files. And they should make a record of all their decisions and the reasons why they refused parole that information should be available to family members. Rebecca Chavez stated that she was grateful to have been invited and others said that there are some slight changes to the Good Landlord program being introduced, and that a new board of pardon member is a defense attorney where previously all have been prosecuting attorneys. So that is all that I can remember from the meeting. I sent Jim a message of some of points made at the meeting.  I had a lot more notes that I had written on my phone but when I went to copy them to my email they disappeared. Ugh. But what I wrote here is what was mainly spoken at the meeting.  I am sure UPAN will be more specific in their newsletter and I will send that to you as soon as I get it. FB lit up with the news that David Bowie died.  I always liked his music but I never realized the impact he made on so many people’s lives.  Then today I heard the actor who played Snapes in Harry Potter, Alan Rickman died today. They were both only 69. Pretty close to home since I will be turning 65 in April. Even Natalie Cole was only 65 when she died.  I think I wrote you about having to take Chuck to the ER but I suppose he is getting better.  I am taking Buddy in on Monday to have his teeth cleaned and perhaps surgery to remove this goose egg sized growth on his haunch.  Even Lucky is not feeling well very listless and I have been babying him too. It’s always something so be happy for the good times. I really don’t have much news. Sorry you are not getting to watch Downton Abby…PBS is promoting it to beat the band. Everything is supposed to get wrapped up this season. I have people over for a Gay movie night every two weeks and last Friday we watched Torch Song Trilogy and I always make dinner too. I fixed Chili Verde Burritos, frijoles, and Spanish rice.  Things are going good at Gay Men Aloud although I am still not speaking to Charles. Coming more and more to realize how toxic he is about comments he makes about everyone.  I don’t hate him but I think my life is better off without him in it.  I am sure there is more to say but I will close to get this in the mail. As I ever was and ever will be 

15 January 2016 Friday

Had a doctor appointment at 10:20 so I get here at 10:10 and already they said my doctor is 40 to 60 minutes behind and there is a person before me... So I suspect the soonest I will see him is 11:30... It's just a checkup but now you know why I use urgent care rather my own doctor... It's not his fault u of u over schedules him... I have had him for 20 years... Doesn't do much good to change ... Many doctors won't even take new patients... Yes America has the best health care in the world unless you have to use if. Home from the doctors, 2 hours waiting and 15 minutes to see the doctors. But good news, only gained 3 pounds over the holidays but the really good news is my A1c blood sugars was 7.2 up from 6.8 but considering the last time I saw his October right before the holidays I think that was damn good. Good to be home and grateful that is all that is wrong with me. Grizzly Adam dead at 74. Rest in Peace, Dan Haggerty

16 January 2016 Saturday

Finished my Lambda Lore a day late but not a dollar short...did it on the murder trial of Jean Sinclair who was convicted of murdering her rival to her lover LaRae Peterson in 1963... Sensational trial that helped shape the perception in SLC of killer Lesbians... Now 53 years later we have a Lesbian Mayor... Lol Had a nice day and Kent Scadlock came over to visit and to hot tub. The weather was nice enough that even the snow had melted. I made some beef stew today and sent some home with him...

17 January 2016 Sunday

I made a pot roast for Sunday dinner... Haven't fixed a pot roast in long time so ones in the crock pot and potatoes are steaming... Mash them or just butter them? I also Made two loaves of lemon bread ...Lucky loved the pot roast. He seems to be over whatever bug he had I guess he’s tired of chicken. Beautiful day out

18 January 2016 Monday

Took Buddy in to the vet's this morning for teeth cleaning and to have the vet look at his leg that doesn't seem to be healing. The vet said that poor old Buddy is a medical mess. The lump on his haunch he advised not to remove because they would have to take a large piece of skin off to remove it. But his leg he is really worried about that it may be cancer. So he gonna clean it up and send some off to the lab. I will have to bring Buddy back for several weeks to have his bandages changed. On top of that his anal nodules are infected and bleeding and they will have to be removed by surgery as well as Buddy will have to be neutered because testosterone causes it. If Buddy was in pain or declining I'd had put him down but he’s active and eating well so I want to keep him for a few more years. At age 10, I could have him for at least 4 more years... However if his leg sore turns out to be cancer then I will make that decision to let him go. I am not going to have his leg amputated. I am spending about $1500 on him as it is but at least I am not putting them through college. I'd rather pay the money on my Buddy than take a cruise anyway. Poor old Buddy came home from the vet about 3:30 and  everything went well and no teeth extraction just his balls and surgery on leg and anal nods. Buddy took his pain pill, stool softener, antibiotic, and another pill very well and is eating heartily. vet said to make sure he eats a lot to heal faster. I have to go in Thursday to have his bandages change. Staying home tonight to comfort the old boy... He's limping on the bad leg which is to be expected...I took the collar of shame off so he could drink and eat... Thanks for the messages of support.... He's a sweet, good boy...

·         Craig Hunter I'm glad buddy has a very good home to live at.

·         Charline Wachs Sorry to hear about Buddy. Hopefully the news you get back will be good news.

·         Alan Anderson So sorry to hear this about Buddy. He is such a good boy.

·         Edgar Ben Williams yes he is

·         Bill Poore Buddy is such a sweet boy, hate to see him in this condition...sending love to him.

·         Andy Dalrymple {hug}

·         Marty Pollock So Sorry.

·         Greg Tracie Aviary Hardin Buddy have a very nice buddy!

·         Sweet Buddy........give him a soft hug for me,,,,,,

·         Doug Murri So sorry for your Buddy.

·         Stephen Bolinder I am so sorry Ben. Prayers and white light to both of you.

·         Michael Aaron Sorry hun. Hard stuff.

·         Amy Barry So sorry. This part is never easy. Good luck to Buddy.

·         Kay Campbell I wouldn't expect anything less from you. Your compassion& love for Buddy is heartwarming.

·         Kathy Riser Poor Buddy! Hoping for healing.

·         James Connelley Hope Buddy feels better and tests are ok. It's bad enough to have pets that don't feel well but it's so cost prohibitive sometimes. Be well, Buddy and Ben.

·         Russell Pack Toby is very worried about both of you, and he and I send our love.

·         Tom Shoemake I'm glad that you have each other, you're a good man.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren So sorry, Ben. Give Buddy a hug for me. When the time comes you will make the right decision. None will be easy.

·         Trevor DeReus Sending good healing vibes to you and Buddy!

·         Beau Chaine' I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL BEN...I JUST SENT MY TWO SHIATSUS TO A HOME IN MCCAMMON IDAHO WITH A DISABLED BOY....MY LOVE AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YA.

·         Alan Anderson I bet Lucky is going to be a damn good boy, seeing what you did to Buddy!!

·         Michael Aaron "just his balls and surgery on leg and anal nods" - I'm sure that's not a JUST in his opinion. It wouldn't be in mine, Hehe. Get better soon, Buddy!

·         Bill Poore Poor old Buddy, feel better sweetie. At least all he needs to do now is heal. I hope they gave him pain meds...

·         Brandon Burt And an anal nod to you, too, Ben!

·         Roland Ron Holmgren I think you will surprised at how fast he heals. Poor little tyke. Daddy will take care of him.

·         Richard P. Butler You are so good to your babies. Hope he heals quickly

·         Robert Edward Cross It’s a good sign he is eating well!

·         Roland Ron Holmgren You seem to have a good vet. That is half the battle.

·         Alan Anderson Buddy is such a good pup. Hoping everything works out.

·         Charline Wachs I knew your pups are your babies. I hope he gets better soon.

·         Beau Chaine' NOTHING MORE SPIRITUALLY WARMING AND FILLING THAT BEING LOVED BACK BY AN AILING ANIMAL...GOD BLESS YOU BEN FOR CARING SO FOR BUDDY...

19 January 2016 Tuesday

Today would have been Dad’s 91^st birthday. Forget the spoonful of sugar… it's pills rolled up in cream cheese balls that makes the medicine go down in the most delightful way... Buddy ate well this morning and is quite active with Coco being dropped off this morning...he's drinking water...on the way to recovery even if he's still is the hunch rump of Fernleaf...this foggy day. I drove up to the First Baptist to make another $100 donation from Gay Men Aloud. Couldn’t find Dennis so I just gave it to Rev. Curtis Price. John Cooper sent me a message saying “Just curious, why Charles listed once as a member of GMA and you are listed twice? And I replied “That is because I started this FB site a couple of years ago under Benedgar and when I had trouble with it I started another FB  page under Edgar Ben ... I delete the Benedgar it would delete the group since I started it.” Saw that a Winco Super Mart is going to be built on 21^st South and State Street. Winco stores are employee-owned stores.  Here in northwest quadrant the stores are far and few in between...Food Savers on Redwood Road and 7th north is 10 blocks from me... 7 blocks to a mile in SLC...Smiths (no marketplace) is on 6th North and 13th west, that's 14 blocks from me and Rancho Market is on North Temple and 9th West...that's 17 blocks and 9 blocks from me... And if you live west of main Street all the way to Redwood between 2100 south and North Temple there's just 1 grocery store...Smiths on 9th and 9th... Love how East siders worse complaint is about not being able to ride bikes to a store  doesn't sugar house even have a Traxx dedicated that will go to 21st and State? The old west of mining, logging, and grazing is gone but the Utah State Legislature is too stupid to know it. The new economics are based on tourism, technology, and service... Bundy and most of Utah's state legislators are dinosaurs. The Flint Water situation is all in the news. The GOP cant govern. Wrote this on Gay Men Aloud “Sounds like people who attended had a great time at Monday's meeting. Sorry I wasn't able to attend. Sick puppy issues. I thought I'd report that since Charles, Kent, and I started this group in September, GMA has been able to donate $200 to the First Baptists. While they actually let us met for free, it’s a nice way to pay back for all they do for the community with opening their space to the Salt Lake Men's chorus, Third Friday Bingo, and Gay Men Allowed. We have $84 now plus whatever is in the cigar box from last night. We have done two service projects also, helping with the First Baptist Thanksgiving Dinner in November and AIDS Awareness Day at the Pride Center. We held a pot luck "soup and dessert" at the end of November and we will hold another on Leap Day. The Triads are an ongoing project however Kent Scadlock may need our help with the Triad list. Thanks everyone for bringing refreshments, setting up chairs, sharing your stories, and donating to the group. It’s a good maxim that you should give back what you get out of an organization and another is "you love who you serve". It’s obvious GMA love the Gay Men's Community.

20 January 2016 Wednesday

Taking Buddy in tomorrow to have his bandages replaced...he seems to have the old piss and vinegar spirit back...eating good, drinking water, playing again and back talking and bossing around. I hope there is good news about his leg. I had some running around myself...after going to the doctors and picking up prescriptions last week, I get a notice yesterday from Aetna, which bought out Altius I had for 20 years, saying the insurance card they sent me had an error and they sent me a new card...so went to the clinic and pharmacy to have them change my insurance billing number...ugh sure didn't want the billing to get kicked back with me being stuck with the bill or fighting insurance. My article I whipped out last Saturday on how attitudes about Lesbianism in SLC has changed over the last 50 years came out today in the QSalt Lake... David Brooks a long time conservative Republican commentator said this about Trump and Cruz “Worse is the prospect that one of them might somehow win. Very few presidents are so terrible that they genuinely endanger their own nation, but Trump and Cruz would go there and beyond. Trump is a solipsistic branding genius whose “policies” have no contact with Planet Earth and who would be incapable of organizing a coalition, domestic or foreign.

Cruz would be as universally off-putting as he has been in all his workplaces. He’s always been good at tearing things down but incompetent when it comes to putting things together.

21 January 2016 Thursday

Buddy had his bandages changed without a whimper...what a champ...vet said all is looking good... Leg was rewrapped and will go back Monday to have bandages changed again. Money well spent. I Changed the movie for Saturday movie night because a lot of people who wanted to see Beefcake can’t make it ...so changing it to Stranger By the Lake. You don't want to wear anything restrictive to watch this if you know what I mean. I made a donation of $50 to the Zachary Lusk Mexican Memorial Fund in Gay Men Aloud's name. “This is Utah State Senator Jim Dabakis. Zachary Hunter Lusk, 20, was to be my intern for the legislative session beginning this month. This project, in Zachary's name is to fund a new dormitory at a rural orphanage in Huitzilac, Morelos, Mexico. Zachary was a terrific young man from Washington City, Utah. I have never met a finer person. Zachary was an honor student studying at the University of Utah when, tragically, he was killed December 24, 2015 in an ATV accident. Here is the connection between Zachary and a poor Mexican orphanage with 88 children. This was my worst Christmas ever when I heard of Zack's death. I was in Mexico when I got the word about Zachary. Then that night a small miracle. Depressed and bitter I went to pick up a few rations alone. I noticed at the store dozens of children in blue T shirts. The kids were from an orphanage on literally their one shopping day a year. Seeing the children, on Christmas, I did as you would have done. I ran my credit cards dry getting them a few gifts and 26 large exotic Domino's pizzas. Meeting those dazzling young people inspired me to build a lasting tribute for Zachary. An add-on wing and separate beds for these 88 youngsters in Mexico--for the memory of Zachary Lusk. I am proudly contributing my legislative pay for the session, which is about half the cost of the addition. I'm hoping everyone will be generous so we can improve the lives of these precious children and build a lasting memorial for Zachary. 100% of your contribution will go towards this building. I know Zachary would be proud!” I am all for the political enthusiasm of the Millennials, however it disturbs me that support for Bernie Sanders is often vitriolic hatred for Hillary Clinton. Some even say if Bernie doesn't get the nomination they will stay home. They must not know what is at stake. The next president will appoint probably two or three Supreme Court Justices. Do they want Donald Trump, Ted Cruz or any of the other clowns running on the GOP ticket appointing those justices? Do you want another Antonin Scalia, Samuel Anthony Alito, or Clarence Thomas making decisions affecting America for the next 20 years? Clinton is not promoting doing away with Marriage Equality, the Affordable Care Act, or Social Security. Every major GOP Candidate is... Get your act together and be pro Sanders as I am, but not anti-Clinton. Save your diatribes for the real enemy...anyone running on the GOP ticket. Sarah Palin is claiming the reason her son beat up his girlfriend was because of Post Traumatic Stress from the military and she is blaming Obama. She is really insane. She has to have Narcissistic Disorder  because of her lack of empathy and exaggerated sense of importance.

·         Chuck Whyte Good morning BUDDY, Best of luck at the trip today to the vet, remember to wear clean underwear, it will be okay if you pee a little on the exam table, I usually do, make sure your Mom buys you an ice cream cone and/or a cheese burger on the way home for being a sweetie .

22 January 2016 Friday

The East Coast is poised for a major winter storm that is centered around Washington DC. Suppose to be a doozy with airlines shutting down flights and a mandatory curfew on driving.

23 January 2016 Saturday

I posted on Gay Men Aloud about going as a group to the Third Friday Bingo this coming February 19th at 7 pm. The charity Is the Rocky Mountain Great Dane Rescue. I wanted to bake today so I made a pineapple pecan upside down cake for company tonight... I watched my mom make them plenty of times and they look hard but easy to make. I don't know what was spicier, the meatballs or the movie. Had a nice dinner of ravioli, meatballs, a salad, garlic bread and pecan pineapple upside down cake. Joel Jay Vallar brought these tasty brioche over and Andy Dalrymple brought a carrot sheet cake which we froze for next get together because we had plenty. Made coffee in Kent McKay Scadlock coffee machine because Greg Allen brought Bailey IrishCreme. Mike and Andy worked on my external hard drive trying to save it and then watch Stranger By the Lake...felt like a voyeur watching the main couple fuck and suck...mother of mercy...it may have been freezing outside but it was pretty steamy in the Bijou Bedroom. PS I hope Kent has a safe journey to and back from Rock Springs. Lucky helped finish off the meat balls after everyone left. Buddy and Daisy were already in bed. Donald Trump and Sarah Palin have reduced the GOP to cartoonish buffoonery... shows that to be a Republican you have to have the grasp of reality of a spoiled 5 year old

·         Joel Jay Vallar Please take a note that I still keep the tradition- sleeping!

·         Bill Poore you are probably just a tired bad boy and some daddy should put you to bed.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I think he has already a daddy to cuddle with

·         Bill Poore Ben daddies dont cuddle, they spank.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Not my daddy

·         Bill Poore Well they he did not go to the Cisgender gay, sexually fluid, transgender, polysexual training program on what is politically correct on being a "daddy". You start with Hi my name is Fred and I am identifying as a cisgender gay male daddy. I can only be a daddy to someone identifying as sexual fluid. Call me CisFreddiedaddy.

·         Greg Allen Thank you Ben for another spectacular evening. We arrived home safely. Hardly any snow stuck to the roads east of I15.

·         Edgar Ben Williams It's a strange haunting movie that kind of stays with you after a while ... Combination of love lust and death

24 January 2016 Sunday

Can not complain about the 3 inches of snow we got here at Westpointe River District, Salt Lake City after the pounding the east coast received. My friend outside of Baltimore said 28 inches last night and climbing... Waiting for the sun to melt it off the sidewalk and driveway. Lucky isn’t feeling well. Looks really mopey and wouldn’t eat his supper. He’s thrown up a few times so probably nauseous. Hope he gets to feeling better tomorrow. Kind of worried what he’s throwing up yellow and green bile. Buddy is starting to chew off his bandages so glad I am taking him in tomorrow to have them changed again. But he is like a new dog. Watched Downton Abby with all the dogs on the bed and Lucky by my side of course.  In the middle of the night Daisy got back up in the bed with a dirty butt that I had to get her cleaned up before I could go back to sleep. She sure has been affectionate lately a lot more than usual. She’s been like glue and wanting to touch me.  

25 January 2016 Monday

Took Buddy to the vet this morning to have his bandages changed. The vet said lab results were back and Buddy does have a form of skin cancer on his leg. It may be slow growing hopefully but his leg does seem to be healing. Will have to be checking for lymph nodes growth...but right now he is full of pep and energy... It's my Lucky who is not feeling well now...lethargic and throwing up... Not eating but is drinking water... So keeping an eye on him...My poor sick boys Buddy and Lucky ...Daisy is the only one who seems healthy right now. I am worried about Lucky. I thought he’s snap out of it by now but he still won’t eat but still will drink water. Lucky is not well. Hasn't eaten since Sunday. Does drink liquids but really listless. Buddy has more pep but doctor said lab results show that he has skin cancer on that leg. Will have to keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't spread. Daisy came to bed with a dirty butt so had to clean her up...she is pretty clinging these days more than usual...I think she is okay but senses illnesses with the boys. Bill Poore wrote me “The sad part of pets they can’t tell us what is wrong, but not eating is not good, maybe he needs a physical by his doctor.  We get them.  Hope he feels better.  Let me take you to lunch tomorrow, around 12:30?” I replied back, “He seems like he’s really hurting as I can tell in his eyes.” The Theocratic Right-winging, bitter-clinging, proud clingers of our guns" sedition loving federal land grabbing, Gay bashing, planned parenthood slashing, global warming denying, fraud lying GOP bull shit buying Utah Legislators are back...be afraid be very afraid

·         Alan Anderson Lucky misses his BF

·         Edgar Ben Williams Maybe

·         Amy Barry I just hate it when the pups are sick and they just can't tell you what is wrong.

·         Doug White You are a good daddy.

·         Beau Chaine' GO DADDY GO! WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT OUR LITTLE FRIENDS?

·         Dan Fahndrich Yes Ben, you are a good daddy. Dogs, cats, animals, to many of us, are our kids.

·         Steve Brackenbury Sorry to hear. Lucky they have you.

·         T.J. Otaka Hope they feel better soon.

·         Chuck Whyte They will heal right up with some Mama Edgar Ben Williams Nursing Services

·         Edgar Ben Williams Needs more than what I can give I am afraid.

·         Chuck Whyte Edgar Ben Williams, You will know the correct path you must go ...........

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Nothing worse than to have a sick dog and not knowing whether it is serious or not. They will get better.

·         Bill Poore Take Lucky to the Vet, this has gone on for a while now,, you know what is best for him and if he needs to go you will take him. Something is wrong with the poor thing.

·         Chuck Whyte Edgar Ben Williams, If you would like me to go with You and Lucky to the vet this afternoon , I would be more than happy to do so...........

26 January 2016 Tuesday

This is such a heart break day as that I had to put down by sweet boy Lucky. It is still a shock because I had no idea this morning that I would be losing him. He had another restless night and was breathing with a slight moan. He was still drinking water but refusing to eat anything. As soon at the Pet Stop Vet opened at 8 I called and asked if I could bring Lucky in because he was so very sick. I still thought it was mainly a virus or something he had eaten outside. So there was nothing to do but wait. I ate breakfast and worked on my Thomas Bassell Danforth files as the time ticked away. Lucky acted  like he wanted to go outside but other times he would just stand and act like he was daze. I could tell by the sad look in his eyes he was not well. At 2:40 off I went with Lucky and his papers from the pound and he had a bit of a dirty butt when I got there, I cleaned as best I could but just held him in my arms. The vet was busy but finally got Lucky in at about 3:15. The vet surprised me and said that Lucky was at least 10 years old by the looks of his teeth. I always thought he was five or six from what I was told when I got him from the shelter. He said his teeth needed cleaning and his front teeth needed extracting. He could tell by looking at him Lucky was really sick and when I told him how much water he was drinking he looked concerned and said that Lucky might have diabetes. He did a blood test and then had more bad news saying that indeed Lucky was diabetic and his blood levels were over 500! He said that it wasn’t anything I was feeding him that Schnauzers are prone to diabetes. He said I could give him injections and pain pills to help with his distress but he wanted to run a kidney and liver tests and run the blood reading through a more complex test. He said that I might need to prepare myself with having Lucky put down. Immediately I choked because I was not even remotely prepared to accept that he might not be coming home with me. As the machine was running the labs, I stayed with Lucky, petting him loving him, and from the look in his eyes I knew he was very tired and hurting. I told him how much I loved him and thanked him for being my dog and then made the decision to have him put down today and not try to take him home. The lab results confirmed my decision, his blood sugars were in the 600 range and his kidney and liver numbers were in the 140s when they should be in the 30’s. The vet thought it was a wise decision to let Lucky go rather than put him through all the effort that may not save him after all. I told the doctor I wanted him cremated so I can take him home and I signed the papers for Lucky’s euthanasia. I held him and stroked him as he was given the lethal dose and he went peacefully and quickly without a sound at 4:25 pm. The vet checked his heart and it was still. Lucky was gone. My sweet boy was gone. They would have let me stayed as long as I wanted but I needed to be home to grieve because I needed a private place to cry my anguish. Lucky is gone. He never let me out of his sight and only wanted to be near me. Oh how I hated to walk away. The lonely drive home was unbearable as I wiped away my tears. I came home without Lucky to greet Buddy, Daisy, and Coco. I had taken two photos of Lucky when he was being sedated before being euthanized and I posted them on Face Book and all I could say was “The House of the Barking Dogs will be a little more quiet tonight. RIP little guy you were such a good loving boy.” I had Michael come and get Coco because I was in no shape to drive and the rest of the evening people were posting their sympathies to me. When I stopped crying I posted “It's hard to say goodbye to a sweet little soul whose only desire was to be loved by you and love you back. Even with still having Daisy and Buddy here the house seems quiet and empty. I always said that I was the Lucky one when that pooch came into my life. He was a lover and always wanted to be near me... My heart is breaking now but soon after the tears are done I will just recall the joy we shared. I use to sing to him You are my Lucky Star....he used to give me little kisses. It was hard to kiss him one last time knowing he could not kiss me back... If you have ever loved a dog you know what I am going through and if you do have a dog give him or her an extra hug and kiss for me and Lucky.”   I wrote this on Facebook this morning never imagining how sick Lucky was. Another sick puppy. I have a 3 o'clock appointment with the vet this time for Lucky. He hasn't eaten since Sunday and is very lethargic. Was throwing up but has stopped now. I was hoping he would feel better but he's not so off to the doctors. He is drinking lots of water, which is good but when he didn't want to go for a ride yesterday to take Coco home I knew he was not feeling well. Buddy is full of spunk and being a brat again which I am grateful for although I have to monitor him that the skin cancer doesn’t metabolize any further. Ive been fortunate that my pups have never had any health problems since Ive had them but Daisy and Buddy are ten now and who knows how old Lucky is or what his life was like before I sprung him from the joint two years ago. It’s a bitch getting old. Greg Allen wrote me-“Ben, I'm so sorry about Lucky.” Do you need anything? We could stop by tonight. Or you are welcome to go to the movies with us if getting out of the house would do you good. Please let me know. Hugs and love!” I replied, “No I need to be with Buddy and Daisy...they don't know why Lucky isn't here with us anymore.” “I understand. You're a good daddy.” Bill Poore wrote me, “Do you need company?  I know how much you loved Lucky.  What happened?  Let me come over tomorrow around 12.” I replied “I just need to be alone with Daisy and Buddy...they are looking for Lucky...I am prostrate with grief now that I am home... He was my angel dog that he never let me out of his sight. It was so hard to leave him behind.” Bill Poore, “Ben I wished I could take this away, I thought he was the healthy one.  What happened. I would like to come over tomorrow if you are willing.” “He was not feeling well. I could see it in his eyes but it came on so suddenly I thought it must be a virus or something. He was drinking water but not eating like he was shutting down...I was able to get the vet to see him but not until three. I knew he was in pain because of the soft moans he made when he breathed. I carried him into the vet and he sat in my lap and nuzzled into me. The vet said that Lucky was much older than I was told. He was at least 10 not 5. Blood work showed he had diabetes and it was off the charts. He needed to run some more tests to check his kidneys. They too were really bad. If I took him home he would have suffered even with medicine. I could not do that. I knew he had no more energy. So I held and petted him and sensed he was ready to go so trying to hold it together I said it's time to let him be out of pain. I stroked and petted him and let him know I loved him and thanked him for loving me so much... I did not want him to be in any more pain but I am still in shock that I had to leave him today. I stayed with him through his last breath and when his brave little heart stopped. I just was unprepared to part with him today. I thought he would be my last dog. My heart is just broken right now but Daisy and Buddy are lying in bed with me.” Bill replied “You are such a hero with what you did for Lucky.  We did not know he was that old.  He seemed for frisky.  I am so sorry you had to go through this alone.  I know it must have been so difficult to leave him.  You need to take as long as you need to deal with this.  I am coming over after 12 tomorrow.

·         Richard P. Butler So sorry, You were the best thing to happen to him. RIP

·         Edgar Ben Williams He was also one of the best things that happened to me...he was a sweet soul like Oscar

·         Richard P. Butler What did the Vet discover?

·         Harry-It Winston I'm so sorry

·         James Connelley I'm so sorry, Ben.

·         Kirk Birkle Sorry to read this. Hugs.

·         Laura Trent Oh, no! I'm so sorry Ben... frown emoticon

·         Doug Murri Oh, Ben. I'm so very sorry. cry emoticon

·         Terry McKeown Sorry.

·         John Crepeau So, so sorry Ben. Glad he doesn't have to suffer more but sorry you do

·         Edgar Ben Williams Better me than him...he was a joy

·         Al Miller so sorry

·         Michael Wachs I'm sorry to hear that. RIP Lil one....

·         Greg Allen This is very sudden. I'm so very sorry.

·         Edgar Ben Williams He enjoyed snuggling with you and Jay

·         Lynn Sasaki

·         Bill Davis Sorry, Ben.

·         J Seth Anderson I'm so sorry. It's never easy to say goodbye.

·         Bill Poore oh Ben I am so sorry

·         Greg Tracie Aviary Hardin Very sorry Edgar Ben Williams, Big HUGS!

·         Kevin Scott oh.... frown emoticon My heart hurts for you. I know that they are so much a part of you.

·         Robert Edward Cross So sorry Ben, my heart aches for you.

·         Tom Shoemake Ben, I'm so sorry to hear this!!!! I'm sure your heart hurts over this, you are good man for giving him a happy and loving life.

·         Craig Hunter Ben, I'm very sorry about the news.

·         Chuck Whyte Edgar Ben Williams , Lucky was truly blessed to have you as a loving parent, He is now at the rainbow  bridge, running and jumping, forever pain free ........

·         Bill Poore Lucky was lucky that you found him and gave him a loving home these past two year....He had a good life with you. You did a good job Ben.

·         Andy Dalrymple {hug}

·         Joel Jay Vallar Am so sorry Ben.

·         Weston Clark frown emoticon hugs!

·         Ann Clark I'm so sorry sweetie

·         Kay Campbell So sorry to hear this sad news!

·         Michael Christensen-Frame I'm so sorry to hear this. RIP POOR BABY. ! ! ! YOU have my deepest condolences. ! !

·         Alan Anderson Oh no! I'm sitting here in shock. And crying. So sorry, Ben.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Hug Corkey from Lucky

·         Russell Pack I can hardly stand it when these little ones are gone. My heart aches and grieves for you, Ben.

·         Carla K. Gourdin So very sorry!

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Ben, I am just heartbroken about Lucky. I am sorry for your loss. If I can help you with anything, I am here.

·         Stephanie Williams I am so sorry for your loss, Ben, hugs to you

·         Charlie Ward

·         Michael Sanders I’m sorry Ben. Bijoux, JoJo and Paris send licks

·         Todd Markham He is still barking across the rainbow bridge. Sorry for your loss.

·         Kevin Clair Hillman Sorry to hear of your loss Ben

·         Amy Barry This breaks my heart.

·         Edgar Ben Williams He had advanced diabetes ....

·         Dan Fahndrich I am soooo sad of your loss. I do know the loss of loved furry ones. Soooo, my friend, hugs to you and the other ones what will also miss their playmate. Lucky and Saki and others can frolic in their own new adventures.

·         Kelly Byrnes So sorry, Ben.

·         Kathy Riser So sorry Ben. It's been a tough week for you.

·         Tracy L Johnson-Faulkner The saddest thing we ever have to do. My condolences.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Like no other but we owe it to them for the love they gave us

·         Tom Folks Oh, Ben. I'm so sorry.

·         Kathryn Warner So sorry Ben. I know how hard it is to lose your dog.

·         Steve Brackenbury Ben, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine this kind of loss. Oh my friend, this is hurtful. Please accept my condolences.

·         Doug White Bless you and your family. It is beyond us to imagine your loss. Just know we are there for you. Hugs to and yours.

·         Kent McKay Scadlock Ben, I just found out from Jay and Greg. I am so, so sorry.

·         Sheri Morris frown emoticon so sorry for your loss

·         Trevor DeReus So, so sorry Ben, wishing you many happy memories of your adorable buddy.

·         Charles Lynn Frost Very sad news, you were his rescuer and biggest source of love and care. Time and memories, you have lots of both, we hope they can begin to heal your heart. C & D

·         Edgar Ben Williams Thank you Charles as you know with little Deacon it's hard to say goodbye

·         Michael Aaron Oh no, I'm so sorry Ben. Huge hugs. You have a row to hoe ahead of you. Remember you gave him a great life.

·         Maureen Aisling Duffy-Boose My heart hurts for you, Ben, and I know he is crossing the Rainbow Bridge to be with his friends. Much love to you.

·         David Andreason OMG I'm so sorry Ben. heart emoticon

·         Marty Pollock Oh, that is just so sad. Sorry for the loss of your sweet friend and pet. It's so hard to say good bye.

·         Michael Aaron West So sorry my friend... Summerland awaits

·         T.J. Otaka So sorry for your loss. Our condolences to you and yours.

·         Kip Swan I'm so very sorry Ben. My condolence and prayers of love and joyful memories to help you through this difficult time. Peace and Love Dear Brother!

·         Ruadhan O'Sheridan So sorry he has left you, Ben. He was truly lucky to have had your love for the last part of his life.

·         Erick Myers So sorry to hear that he is gone. My condolences to you, Ben.

·         Charline Wachs I am so sorry, I know he will be missed.

·         Denise Wachs I'm sad with you Uncle Ben. It wreaks a person to have to lose a fur baby, a companion..

27 January 2016 Wednesday

Get some sleep sweetie....talk to you tomorrow. There is still a sense of emptiness in the house but perhaps its only my heart. Lucky was supposed to be the dog I grow old with. To set on my lap. I know now that he’s returned to star dust and his spirit is free from pain but I so miss the joy I knew each morning seeing my sleepy boy. No amount of time can ever erase the memory of a good dog. I thanked the people on FB for expressing sympathy for the loss of my beloved pet. It is something that each of us who have a creature we love and loves us back has gone through or will go through. Even though right now is tough for me I am grateful that I had two years with this sweet boy who adored me and loved me unconditionally. When in my care he never felt want, always loved, had other furry companions, and lots and lots of car rides. I am grateful for friends who were thoughtful enough to bring me flowers and lasagna ...and while I am not hungry, although I had to have a piece of the whisky cake, at all I appreciate the kindness attached to the sentiment. I am grateful for a community that takes the time to express their sadness for me for my loss. For Gay men ,especial of my generation, are pets are our children. There's a reason I love our community. I got a letter today from Kyle that he sent out the 24^th. That was fast. This evening I final figured out why Kyle couldn’t get through to me on my phone because there was a block on it so removed that and I deposited $50 into my phone account because they said it was depleted and I sent $60 to his account. When he called we talked for about 20 minutes until the time is up. I wasn’t very responsive because the loss of Lucky was still hurting me but still it was good to hear his voice. Earlier in the day Bill Poore brought me flowers and a sympathy card and Robert Cross brought over a Whiskey bundt cake and some lasagna but still no appetite. I know its depression. I sent Bill a message before going to bed “I am exhausted from emotional fatigue. So going to bed but thanks again for the flowers. Kyle Foote called me tonight and it was hard to talk too torn up” TJ Otaka from Gay Men Aloud wrote me “Ben, We had to put one of our cats to sleep almost a year ago. So we know how you might be feeling right now. Let's just say you and Lucky were both fortunate to have had each other for 2 years. He is still alive as long as you remember him. Our prayers go out to you. Take care. TJ & Jim” “Thank you so much... I had him cremated and will bring him home in about 2 weeks... I am just missing him right now but time heals.” “True. When we brought his ashes home, we were still sad but felt better. Take care and hopefully see you on Monday. Also, hope Buddy feels better too.” “I will be there I need to see People like you at GMA.” I then wrote Alan Anderson because their dog Corky had such an amorous fascination with Lucky “I am processing his passing as best I can. I was not prepared to hear how sick he was or how old he really was...I stayed with him loving him until he was gone... He was so sweet and good and always wanted to be by my side.  That's is what is difficult the most... As much as I love Daisy and Buddy there was a special bond between me and Lucky... I know it was the right thing to do for Lucky but I wasn't prepared to have to say good bye so soon...I thought he'd be my companion after Buddy and Daisy passed... I am heartbroken... I had him cremated so he'll come home in about 2 weeks... Daisy is the only one who is acting strangely. She goes from room to room and outside looking for Lucky. The vet said he was over 10 years old when I thought he was 5 or 6 so that was a shock and he had diabetes that was shutting down his organs.  It happened so quickly. Sunday he stopped eating and began throwing up and was so lethargic his whole demeanor had dropped and I could tell from his eyes he was suffering. He had been what I thought healthy until Sunday... I can't be around anyone right now because I am too weepy... I will think of something simple about him and start bawling. I petted and stroked him to his last breath so he knew he was loved to the end” Alan replied “To be honest, I was closer to Lucky too. He was such a love. I was bawling last night when I yelled to Kyle about your post. He didn't understand me and he ran downstairs. So, so sorry for you. You are such a good man to give Lucky two wonderful years in the later years of his life. He loved you dearly. When you are ready, we will do another rescue. Kyle talked to Corky last night, and I did at lunchtime. Of course he doesn't know what is going on, but I am sure we will notice it when he comes to visit you. Big hugs.” “Yes Lucky had a good two years just thought it would be longer... But I am grateful to have had such a sweet dog at all.” “When you are ready, we will go to dinner or buy something and bring it to you!” “Right now I am just tired and weepy...yesterday I think I was holding in too much stress so I could do what was right for Lucky...now I am feeling like a Mac truck hit me and am exhausted... I was re reading my journal and remember that Lucky was sick and listless back on the 14th but seemed to be getting better...now I know his little body was shutting down even back then...going to bed.” “Hey, get some rest and know you were a gift to Lucky. He lived a wonderful life after you rescued him.”

·         Roland Ron Holmgren It is even more difficult when we are single and living alone. They become part of our lives, important parts, and sorry, but I disagree that we get over the loss of a pet or a loved one. I miss Nathan, Chin, Annie everyday...you cope, you move on, but memories of them remain with you forever, and you miss them. I am so glad that you have friends that are supportive at this time. I think it was a shock to us all that he died. It seemed so sudden. You gave him two very good years. Job we'll done.

28 January 2016 Thursday

Only left the house today to take Coco home. Still getting used to Lucky not being the first down the steps to jump into the Cruiser. How he loved to go for rides and bark at anything that moved. What a little pill. How grateful I am that I have my genealogy to keep my mind from obsessing over my little love. Amazingly after over 30 years I found the true name of Thomas Bassell Danforth’s mother. Forever I assumed she was Lucy Bassell for a Thomas Basil who lived in neighboring town of Dorset in the 1790 census. But Charles Danforth in a bio of him said his mother was Lucy Auger of New Haven, Connecticut. I cinched the deal when I found out that Thomas Bassell had married Lucy Auger’s half-sister Lydia Alcock. So there you go. Greg Allen and Jay Vallar came over on the way to Las Vegas to drop off a sympathy card and I sent them off with some of Robert’s Whiskey Cake. I got a card in the mail also from the vet Dr. Bestrum and staff “May you find comfort in recalling the special love and joy you shared with your pet.” I found some quotes to post of FB with pictures of my dogs "The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog." -George Graham "No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich." --Louis Sabin God promised at the birth of time, A special friend to give, His time on earth is short, He said, So love him while he lives. It may be for eight or ten years, Or only two or three, But will you, till I call him back, Take care of him for Me? A wagging tail and cold wet nose, And silken velvet ears, A heart as big as all outdoors, To love you through the years. Enjoy each day as it comes, Allow your heart to guide, Be loyal and steadfast in love, As the dog there by your side. We'll shelter him with tenderness, We'll love him while we may, And for the happiness we've known, Forever grateful stay. But should the angels call for him, Much sooner than we've planned, We'll brave the bitter grief that comes And try to understand. When our faithful bundle departs, This earthly world of strife, We'll get yet another pup And love him all his life. - Author Unknown

29 January 2016 Friday

I know Lucky is gone and he’s not in pain anymore but I just miss his adoring eyes. I went and had the tags put on the truck for another year. I am glad that I went today because I was in and out. Stephen Bolinder called while I was there saying he is giving up the Dog Grooming busy and going to work for a friend of his for $20 an hour. He said that I will still groom some clients like me but will have to be on Mondays because that is his days off. So we scheduled for February 15^th. I am grateful that he still is okay doing the pups rather than trying to find a new groomer.  Made some Mushroom soup today and Kent Scadlock came over to talk about Monday’s GMA meeting. We also sat in the hot tub. It was pretty this morning but turned gray and now it’s raining. Said it will rain or snow all weekend. I watched 20/20 on ABC before going to bed which was about my friend Don Williams search for his biological family. I’ve known Don and Mike for over 20 years when they were pups. He was left in a manger during Christmas of 1971 and 20/20 helped him find his half siblings through DNA testing... I am so happy for him. He was adopted as a Williams and he gave me his genealogy years ago... What a joy to find closure to who his biological mother was even if she passed away before he could meet her...I am slowing accepting that Lucky isn’t by my side anymore. Not sure if I can get used to it. Buddy is way more energetic and the money spent on him was well worth it. He’s back to being his old bossy self.  Daisy is being extra sweet as if she knows I am missing Lucky. In the news that I haven’t been listening to the right wing radicals that where holding the wild bird refuge in Oregon hostage have either been arrested or are giving up. One idiot was shot. I guess he thought he was invincible or that God would protect him from harm. Well I guess not. The time it takes for me to stop grieving will be commensurate to how much I loved my sweet little guy. Paul Kantner a founder of the Jefferson Airplanes died... His music scored much of my life... Grace Slick and Paul  wrote and sang some great songs . A song that captures the year 1967 completely... 16 years old living in Southern California seeing beautiful hippies in my neighbors front yard all dressed in white cotton Muslin embroidered with flowers circling their heads as crowns... I was helping making canvas tepees that they lived in Laguna Beach Canyon and had art work displayed in the Mystic art gallery they owned in Laguna Beach... saw Timothy Leary once... Later learned the art gallery was a front for California Gold a high quality LSD... Love Ins and Happenings ... The Doors, Jefferson Airplane, incense and peppermint... My psychedelic life before Utah Found a picture of Mike Randall and Carol Horan...I can't remember her being so little... Carol Griggs Randall was the Godmother of the Brotherhood of Eternal Love, and widow of its short-lived founder, John Griggs, who also founded Mystic Arts World. She is the keeper of the keys to the kingdom, and maintainer of spiritual values. Michael Randall was the Godfather of the Brotherhood of Eternal Love, who was the original general manager of Mystic Arts World, and the de facto chief of the tribe after the demise of his friend and brother, John Griggs. Between them, the Randalls carry the torch of idealism represented by Mystic Arts World, and the movement that created it, up to and following the act of arson, which destroyed that spiritual center. We lived right across the street from Jean Horan who was like a second mom to me and my mom’s best friend who became like a sister to her. I knew Carol since I was a little boy and she was 6 years older than me. When she married John Griggs I was only about 11 and when I was about 14 or 15 I babysat their kids in Huntington Beach, Jerry and Jenny. They were basically Surfers until 1966 when I saw them become hippies and they moved to Laguna Beach. Jean used to make sails for sail boats on a power sewing machine and she'd pay me help hold the heavy material as she sewed. About 1967 we switched over from sail making to making tepees. Huge canvas tepees with a diameter of 16 feet. The Hippies in Laguna Beach were living in them up the canyon and Jean was making $600 a teepee. In 1968 Jerry Griggs found a stash of drugs and almost died... The last day of July 1969 Carol had another baby that she named full buck moon we called Moonie... 3 days later John had died of an overdose. We were shocked and then about a week later the Charlie Manson hippies destroyed the image of peaceful hippies. Carol remarried a member of the brotherhood Mike Randall and her family went into hiding... Mom and Jeans phones were tapped from the FBI trying to find where they were in hiding. Jean had paid their bail by mortgaging her house when they skipped. I went up with Jean Horan in 1972 to salvage stuff from their hippie tepees left behind...she let me have whatever I wanted and I took oil lanterns, towels, hippie books... I never knew how involved John Griggs was in the LDS drug culture and in January 1973 I moved off to Utah and left my roots behind... I miss the beaches and the music of California of the 60s but most of all I missed John Cunningham. Laguna Beach was a fun beach as a teenager...it was an art colony and there was just one road through town. As you entered an man known as the old greeter waved to every car coming in for town I guess for nearly 30 years ... The Mystic Art Gallery was a main hippie hang out and now I know why. I only knew the Mystic Art Head Shop as an Art Gallery. My second mom Jean Horan's son in law John Griggs was the main surfer kid that organized the brotherhood. I even use to babysit Jeans grandkids when they were babies when John and Carol were primarily surfers. When they became hippies John kept asking me to display my art work in their gallery. I was an art major in high school... Now I realize the place was a front and they just wanted art on the wall any kind. I met Timothy Leary at the Gallery...well didn't meet him just saw him...

30 January 2016 Saturday

I woke up to hear a strange noise in the house like a thump about 3:30...so I got up to see what that might be. Something prompted me to grab my dad’s walking cane as I went out in the hall from my bedroom. My heart fell through my stomach to see a shadowy figure standing down by the kitchen... I switched the hall light on and started yelling “what are you doing here get out get” ... He just stared at me and I started prodding him with the cane yelling get out get out and he stumbled towards the back door and I pushed him out and locked the door as fast as I could. I saw him slipped and fell down the steps leading to the deck and he just laid there... So I raced around the house turning on lights and locking all doors... When I went to look out the back door he just stood and was knocking on it. I was panicking because I could not find my phone and then remembered it was in the car. So I raced down there retrieved it and then remembered that the downstairs door doesn't shut. It must have been adrenaline because after retrieving my phone I was able to slam it shut and locked it. I then finally called 911 and fortunately there was a squad car in the area. The officer jumped the fence and found the guy on the deck and handcuffed him. I put the pups in the bedroom to keep them safe and not once did they bark or make a sound to warn me that someone was in the house... when my friends come see me they bark like maniacs but a man enters the house in the middle of the night and not a sound... The man was either an Indian or Mexican with long stringy black hair and underdressed for the rainy cold morning. He was really out of it … either drunk or high or both...he also looked like he had been in a fight because there were cuts on his face and blood...he was very incoherent and that was what scared me the most when I yelled for him to get out he just stood there and wouldn’t move. He reeked with the smell of booze. The arresting officer asked if I knew how he came into the house but I had no idea...if he would have come up the wooden steps through the gate from the front door I am sure I would have heard that or the dog would have but when I first saw him in the house he was leaning against the wall by the kitchen. The officer thought he came in through the kitchen door because of mud tracks but how he could have gotten into the back yard I don't know because the gates are all locked... The police officer said he was in the area because it was reported that someone was going through people's yards. He thought it must have been this guy. I don't think he was trying to steal anything... I think he was so high he didn't know where he was. No jacket or warm clothing in this rain...maybe he wanted shelter...well he will get it now at the county jail...there were two cop cars and a fire truck keeping me up until 4:30. I was present of mind to know that the arresting officer was cute. Needless to say I was wide awake with the lights on and too distraught and a little frightened to sleep the rest of the early morning. Mom and dad were kidnapped in the middle of the night at Palmdale by home invaders who made them drive to an ATM once, about 15 years ago... I had only gone to sleep about 2:30 a.m. posting about John Griggs and Carol Horan and after I fell asleep I heard something go bump in the night... If Lucky would have been here I know he would have barked and made enough noise to keep people away... So much for Buddy and Daisy being guard dogs. Didn't get back to sleep until 5:30 ... my adrenaline was still too high but the event didn't keep Buddy and Daisy from falling back to sleep and snoring. Lessons learned 1st when we get complacent some bad things can happen unexpectedly...2nd make sure house is locked up before going to bed no matter how sleepy, 3rd keep phone charged by the bed...not knowing where my phone made me feel the most vulnerable... It was out in the car in the garage...4th don't depend on Schnauzers to warn you...they will only bark at people they know...5th keep a robe by the bed if you sleep commando style... 6th having an intruder in the middle of the night works better in Gay porn than in reality...7th having cute cops rescue you is not as important as just having cops show up... But it helps. Perfect snow for building snowmen enough water content for it to pack the snow really good... shoveled my driveway, sidewalks and the back deck around 3:30 when it stopped snowing. We had about 4 inches here... when Robert Edward Cross came over to retrieve a cake cover, Buddy and Daisy were barking like Robert was coming to mass murder us but let someone come in during the middle of the night and not a sound. I sent him home with some soup and he said he was heading up to the Pride Center where Men Who Move was hosting a self-defense course.. The house is tight as a tick but when Daisy starts barking for no reason it weirds me out. I made some borscht soup for supper. I was .in the mood for something hardy. A dollop of sour cream and some bread sounded good on this wintry night. Feeling nostalgic for the Sixties... I loved the Strawberry Alarm Clock and especially drummer and vocalist Randy Soel... He was really groovy and far out. As a teenager growing up in Southern California the Sixties were a turbulent time beginning with the assassination of JFK, the Vietnam War and the nightly news of American dead soldiers, the race riots, MLK followed by Robert Kennedy assassinated, rise of the Hippie Counter Culture, Berkeley Free Speech movement, LBJ's Great Society, election of Nixon, landing on the Moon, Charlie Manson, Woodstock, the War Moratorium, the Kent State Massacre. My sister Donna and I was traveling home from Texas by train that went through Watts during the riot, my father opened up our home as almost a USO for all the navy boys, attended a political rally for George Wallace and him shaking my hand, babysitting the kids of the head of LSD hippie mafia, endless days at the beach watching the beautiful surfers...Time Has Come today by the Chamber Brothers an integrated band brings me back home to the Sixties and being a lonely Gay Boy...  Right Wingers are like six year olds... Where are the adults in the GOP? Has anyone GOP presidential candidate condemned the insurrectionist movement going on in this country? Or Flint Michigan's failed water policy...the Republicans can't govern because they are antigovernment idiots... If these idiots were in charge in 1787 we would still be living under the articles of Confederation.

·         Andy Dalrymple Good hell. Just getting up to speed.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Huddled in bed with Daisy and Buddy with all the lights on... We are all a bunch of sissies

·         Bill Poore You are suffering from PTSD, seriously. He is lucky you are a sissy and he picked your house, anyone else would have had a gun and he would be one dead drunk. I know I would have shot him in a heartbeat.

·         Andy Dalrymple My life has seen an incident or two. Once, my gasoline was being stolen from the truck. So I hooked fishing line each night to the gas door, through my kitchen window and to a cup full of silverware hanging from the counter. When it came crashing down, I heard from outside someone say, "did you hear that?". I was out the door so fast with a pitchfork, they couldn't get their car started and ran on foot. You need mace. One of pepper and one of spikes.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I need dogs who will bark in the night

·         Kevin Scott Are you on any of the local neighborhood FB walls? It's always a great public service when people are the neighborhood as my friend James Ord did after a similar incident. You at least serve to teach me that I need to have something handy to address such situations, thank you.

·         Andy Dalrymple You may be interested in this neighborhood based social net.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I belong to one

·         Richard P. Butler Your door doesn't shut or lock correctly downstairs? I will come over and fix it so it does. We will also check to make sure all of the gates and doors are working correctly. Never a dull moment with you is there? LOL. Glad all turned out OK. Un-nerving to find a stranger in your house. Let me know a good time to come and fix the door. (I don't care if the weathers bad. I love you Ben and would hate to see anything happen to you....

·         Chuck Whyte You need to get a stun gun and aim for the groin........LOL

·         Edgar Ben Williams Funny the dogs didn't even make a sound I was the one that heard a strange noise...even when I was forcing the guy out of the house not a peep from them...

·         Amy Barry Glad you are safe. Harrowing experience and so frightening.

·         Alan Anderson Oh my goodness. Do you want to come and stay with us for a few days?

·         Edgar Ben Williams Thanks but now it's over I think I will be okay... Corky would have alerted me lol

·         Alan Anderson Kyle said Bhani would warned us first. Corky would just lick em to death.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Or hump them to death

·         Robert Edward Cross So glad you are safe and sound, you may want a security system now after a scare like that.

·         Doug Murri OMG! That is so frightening. So thankful you are safe. Get that door fixed ASAP! My sister had a home break in a number of years ago. Her 2 dogs, who normally bark at everything, didn't bark and hid in the basement. So much for that deterrent.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Yes mine didn't make a peep...didn't even come out with me the big sissies

·         Bill Poore Have you gotten any sleep? Didn’t this happen when your ward was living with you? I wonder if it was the same drunk. I am highly disappointed with Buddy and Daisy. I can’t even get out of my car before the barking starts. You protected yourself well, it could have turned out differently. I know this would be the thing that would make me buy a gun but I know how you feel, besides you would probably shoot yourself. This is for sure a Ben Williams story. Thank God one of the policemen was cute, that does make it easier for us seniors. I am surprised you didn’t give him banana bread and offer the use of the hot tub. Let Richard Butler secure your place. What gate did he come through? I will call you later. This is a shocking story and I am happy you are safe.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I thought about offering the cute cop something to eat but all I had was Whiskey cake. I should keep cookies on hand for the next intruder

·         Joel Jay Vallar Wow! That is so scary. I hope you are doing okay.

·         Todd Markham What a story to wake up to!! Happy to hear your safe!!

·         Craig Hunter Wow, what an awful thing to have happen. I would be sure and add additional security to the doors such as wooden bars to close at night before you go to bed. I'm glad you are safe.

·         Russell Pack Holy cow! That is SCARY!

·         Kent McKay Scadlock That is so strange. We were just talking about this sort a thing yesterday! I'm glad you're safe! Love you Ben Williams!!!

·         Denise Wachs OH my gosh Uncle Ben!! How scary! I'm so glad you’re ok.

·         Chris Johnson Wow! That's so crazy! Glad everything seems to be okay.

·         Appio Hunter I’m just glad you’re safe.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Damn, this is just not your week. Very strange your dogs didn't bark. My dogs bark if someone is just walking down the street. Have Richard fix your door. I was given an ornate walking stick that I keep in my car, thinking I'll just bring it in. Happy that things turned out the way the did, and you were not harmed. Did your neighbors respond when the police and fire truck arrived?

·         Edgar Ben Williams It was about 4 in the morning and dark and rainy the neighborhood never stirred.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren I have a neighbor who watches out for me. He would have been over in a heartbeat. The rest of the neighbors, forget it.

·         Sheri Morris Wow! Oh my goodness! Glad you are safe. Time to reinforce every latch and bolt!

·         Matthew Landis I have dealt with an intruder before myself, but he left politely and didn't come back. I wasn't even scared until after he left and the reality set in. I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm glad you're safe.

·         Tracy L Johnson-Faulkner. So glad you are safe.

·         Ann Clark I have a fear of this happening. I'm so glad you are safe. I'm glad you have friends who willing help secure the house.

·         Charline Wachs I am happy you are okay. It is strange what will make the dog's bark and what they chose to ignore. Take care.

·         Bill Davis I'm sooooo glad you're safe! Wow, what a frightening experience!

·         Dave Mangum I’d be terrified!!!!!!! Damn!

·         Greg Allen I'm glad you had that cane and were able to get him locked outside without much trouble, and that the cute cop was nearby. Hugs!

·         Edgar Ben Williams The gay man in me took the time to notice the cop

·         Steve Brackenbury So glad you are OK Ben. Wow. Frightening. Of course you had the presence of mind to notice the cute cop. Once, when I called 911 because I had an arterial fib attack and my blood pressure dropped dangerously, the paramedics and firemen came and I remember thinking how handsome they were. One of the firemen had the presence of mind during my crisis to tell me what a beautiful Christmas tree I had. Perhaps he was the gay one

·         Lynn Sasaki. So glad you are ok. Sounds terrifying.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Still don't want a gun in the house... I have a cane and frying pans

·         Richard P. Butler What? So you can limp over to the stove and cook up some vittles for the vagrant ? LOL Just be careful.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Funny

·         Kathy Riser How frightening! Thank the goddess you are safe. So lucky he was not hostile. Hope you can settle down. What an adrenalin rush. I think I would have passed out. You were very brave. " Sacred faerie drives out intruder"

·         Stephen Bolinder OMG Ben. I am so happy your safe and now you can settle down.

·         James Connelley What a shitty week you're having, m'friend. I keep an extra crowbar behind my bed at all times. It's my dating insurance.

·         Michael Wachs Glad you are okay! Too bad he was too drunk to feel the steps as he fell down them.

·         Laura Trent That would totally freak me out! Thank goddess for cute cops, eh?

·         Erick Myers Wow! Glad your potential night of terror had a calm ending for you. Truly frightening!

·         Beau Chaine' OMG! i can’t believe how fortunate you were to not have been harmed...

·         Michael Aaron West Holy shit Scary! Glad you're ok....when we lived in Florida we had someone come in our apt in the middle of the night and steal money from our jewelry box... we never heard him....and slept right through it.

·         Kay Campbell Holy moly! You are so brave!! I would have been frozen in fear. So glad you are ok!!!

·         Dan Fahndrich Wow, Glad you are ok and all of that is over with.

·         Deb Rosenberg So scary reading the account you wrote of the ordeal. I hope you stay safe in your home, and your mellow puppies too.

·         Luci Malin Ack! Glad you are OK!

·         Michael Aaron Oh my god, Ben, how scary! Violation of your home [safe space] is a tough nut. Hugs

·         Edgar Ben Williams At least I have a home...how scary it must be to live on the streets homeless... It's more traumatic to take your pet to the vet to get him well only to make a decision that he is never coming home again.

·         Robert Edward Cross I'm sorry you had to be the "wake up" call for a whole bunch of friends but thank you! You sure woke me up. So glad you were able to go back to sleep.

·         Chuck Whyte Glad everything has calmed down, too bad the cute officer wasn't dressed the same way as you were when you escorted the bleeding criminal out the door

·         Joel Jay Vallar Well, I think the cute cops was the biggest plus to what happened . But yes, they could have done more. Lol. Thank you officer!

·         Laura Trent I'm glad you're okay!

·         Erick Myers Good list of lessons learned, for sure. This is something I worry about from time to time--and I don't have any dogs! Glad you are OK, Ben!

·         Beau Chaine' Sounds like your healing is on its way-keep up the writing...

·         Ruadhan O'Sheridan I like this plan.

·         Becky Moss I am so glad that you are okay

·         Andy Dalrymple Wonder if the dogs were quiet because you heard it. Maybe they thought it was dear Lucky.

·         Andrea Dahl How scary! Glad the police got there quickly. I found a stranger in our house who came in through the front screen door. I was a young teen, our parents were out of town, and my siblings had bedrooms downstairs. I thought it was a friend of my brothers. The man was really out of it. Thought he was in someone else's house. After I woke up my brother, he went after the man. It was scary.

·         Like · Reply · 9 hrs.

·         Terrie Williams Your hounds! Double check your doors and windows, and don't forget the phone. If you're having weather, you all maybe snuggled tight. It sounds like your uninvited guest was disoriented. I'm glad he wasn't violent. Creepy....sleep tight

·         Edgar Ben Williams Drunk and disoriented and had been in a fight...probably didn't know where the hell he was

·         Doug White The borscht sound delicious.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren I was dear friends with an elderly Russian woman who claimed I was too thin, and she took it upon herself to fatten me up. She made the most incredible borscht soup. I have not had borscht soup in many years. Your soup reminded me of this kind and gentle woman.

·         Todd Markham One of my most favorite soups!! Hearty Russian Beet soup.

·         Andy Dalrymple Suppose my decades have had upheavals as well, but sounds like your generation suffered more shock. Seems today that we are more jaded, compartmentalized and aware of the world.

·         Terrie Williams the draft, kids right out of high school going to Vietnam. What a time. I didn't experience the riots until the late 80's...Rodney King. I was working in Carson. Lots of burning.

31 January 2016 Sunday

Well no drama to report today although I did sleep with the lights on and slightly startled with noises from the house settling at night...but actually losing Lucky was a much more traumatic experience because that was so unexpected too. The Chinese have a saying that is supposed to be a blessing "May you live in interesting times." To me that sounds like a curse and I say, "God save me from interesting times." Hoping next month will be less interesting than January. Might not seem like much but my friend Rich Butler put in a peep hole in my front door to give me peace of mind. Je came over about 11 a.m. and we visited for a couple of hours. I think he needed to get out as well. The rest of the house seemed secure with locks all working good but I guess they only work if you use them... Disconcerting to see blood on the siding of the back door which now confirms how he entered through the kitchen. We still are puzzled how he got in the back yard... But he must have climbed the fence into the yard... Amazing to go through all that trouble to get into the house... Glad I found him before he wandered into the bedroom. Alan Anderson called and asked if I wanted to go to see The Producers with him next Saturday because Kyle has debate that weekend and thinks he will be too tired to go. I said yes so I need to reschedule movie night. I was really tired today. It’s been an emotional week. Relaxed and watched Downton Abby and Mercy Street in the evening. Still sleeping with the lights on in the front room.  So this ends January. My darling Lucky has passed away. I am heartbroken but its getting better. I have to for Daisy and Buddy’s sake. I am glad if he had to pass that he did it peacefully with only a couple of days of real suffering as I now know his little body was shutting down.  In July 1970 boys born in 1951 watched on television how their fate would be decided. When I turned 18 in 1969 the law required me to register with the draft board. I was in high school. However I went to college in the fall and John Cunningham and I received student deferments. I worked very hard keeping John and my grades up to a B average to keep our deferments. However in December Nixon signed the draft lottery bill based on a person's birthday. In July it was our turn to find out our numbers. They were drafting up to number 125. I was fortunate and my number was 165 but Johns was 53... I was able to keep John's average up until Jr College graduate in 1971... I went off to Cal State Fullerton and John dropped his deferment and joined the Air Force and I dropped my when the war end in January 1973 my first month at BYU ... I basically got my college education to keep from going to Vietnam. So grateful young men do not have to go through what my generation did...

·         Doug Murri Thankfully, the draft ended shortly before I reached the age that I would be required to register. I remember the anxiety of watching those numbers being chosen on TV with my older brothers who would end up being drafted. Kids today have no idea how horrible that was.

·         Bill Poore, exactly, those that used college to stay out and missions should talk to vets that did go to Viet Nam. It was a poor white man, black, Hispanic war until the lottery was started and they got rid of the college thing...that was so unfair. only the kids that could afford college could stay out...I deal with wounded Viet Nam vets daily, PTSD, Agent Orange, Drug and Alcohol issues. My best friend from East Carbon went to college but was still drafted he ended up in some of the worst combat battles of the war....he was like student body president of our high school, he went through hell coming back from Viet Nam and adjusting. It has taken years. today is a hero working with young vets to help them with their PTSD. I am happy I enlisted before the lottery, I don’t regret my military service at all. It was good for me. I grew up.

·         Edgar Ben Williams That is not completely true... I was able to go to college as did thousands of other Californians because college was free under the Democratic controlled state. I could never have afforded college nor could my folks... Being in college did not keep you from being drafted...you had to be a full time student and maintain a B average. The war was unfair to all young men and those who worked to end it in the peace movement were honorable too... With all the lies about the Tonkin Gulf, the Pentagon Papers, the secret war in Cambodia...students being killed at Kent state and Jackson... I am sorry that these young men were subjected to the atrocities of an unjust war...But My Singh and the brutality of what was going on over there was not heroic and most young kids just wanted to get the hell out of there and as you say you are dealing with the human damaged done in that war... The kids that managed to stay out of the war were the kids of the well-connected who were able to get into the National Guard... Kids that resisted the draft were also resisting a corrupt military industrial complex that saw my generation as cannon fodder... I am grateful you served in the Coast Guard and not in the Mekong Delta... The sailors that stayed at my dad’s house never talked about Vietnam, just fun things about being young men...but the body count on the nightly news told the real story... Most of my high school class either enlisted to avoid the draft or waited to be drafted... A few of us were proactive and headed to college...as my boyhood friend Jerry Smith said, I'd rather be toting a book than a gun." Besides I made a few service men happy in Long Beach and my 26 year old dorm mate very happy in 1971 when I was 20 years old. A young Robert Redford... I wasn't blind to what was going on and never called Vets baby killers... My anger was always again Nixon and Agnew never the boys... I wasn't passive either, attended protests, marches, shut downs... I think that trained me to organize and fight for my own rights in the 1980s as a Gay Activist...

·         Bill Poore You know Ben when the Viet Nam vets returned there were no parades, in fact the Peace Movement spit on them and called them murders. I saw it. I remember it well. It was a disgrace how we treated the returning vets. They had no choice I agree with you about the war, Nixon and all the other reason to hate it, but I can’t get over the fact of how they were treated. There were no feel good moments of fathers being reunited with their daughters on the nightly news. over 50 thousand died, over 300 thousand were wounded. It took years of fighting before the U. S. would recognize Agent Orange as the reason so many vets were sick, most of the vets I know today from Viet Nam are suffering from Agent Orange. I remember going to a club in San Mateo one night and one of the guys said, "don’t tell the girls you are in the service, they will walk away from you". Most of those young men had no choice, especially before the lottery, they were poor whites, blacks, and Hispanics. This is one area you and I will never agree better leave it alone. Yes I did avoid Viet Nam because I enlisted for 4 years active duty you talk about service well that was service.

·         Richard P. Butler I registered for the draft but the war in Vietnam was over and for some reason my "temporary" draft car (never got a permanent one) showed my birth year as January not February. I think that helped me in avoiding the military. My brother did the deferment but dropped out of college and was drafted soon after. He, however, was assigned to work (believe it or not) in the Pentagon on computers. This was back in 1969/1970. He still does computer work to this day.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Your brother was extremely lucky... Sometimes I think they should bring back the draft to mobilize the apathetic youth or bring back the draft and have kids choose military, vista, peace Corp or civilian conservation Corp and then have free college education and health and housing benefits... Let immigrants get citizenship through public works...

·         Richard P. Butler My brother was extremely lucky and also intelligent to get a job at the Pentagon. I visited him in 1971 in D.C. and went to the Pentagon. I was extremely intelligent to know this was a once in a lifetime chance to see the Pentagon. LOL

·         Edgar Ben Williams I would never had the brains to do what your brother did...I would have been among the California boys plucked from the beaches to slog along in rice paddies of Southeast Asia... The peace movement did not all do that, some... The vets were unfortunate to be involved in a very divisive war which was not supported by the majority of Americans after the lies and corruption was revealed... Many vets themselves disillusioned joined the peace movement.. Some were fragging their own officers in Vietnam ... Americans wanted to forget Kissinger, Nixon, Westmoreland and the fact we lost a war we never should have been in... The vets were more a victim of a callous administration than from the Peace Movement. The music of the sixties had powerful social change content...perhaps music does today and I don't hear it. 1968 Sky Pilot by Eric Burton and the animals changed a whole generation into antiwar activists and turned more and more young people against the war in Southeast Asia... Especially as that the military draft was making young men involuntary soldiers for the war machine. When I turned 18 I had to register for the draft and was required by law to carry my draft card on my person at all times.

·         Bill Poore Well Jan was not a good month for you Ben, let’s hope it gets better for the rest of the year. Feb starts tomorrow.

·         Ruadhan O'Sheridan Oh no, that was never a blessing. The Chinese always intended that one as a curse.

·         Erick Myers Ruadhan's right: the Chinese only wished 'interesting times' on their enemies!

·         Doug Murri You've got great friends. So glad your home is secure. Your horrible experience is a reminder for me to check all my doors before bed. We have an alarm system. I'm going to be extra cautious about making sure it's set every night from now on, as well.

FEBRUARY

1 February 2016 Monday

We had a dusting of snow out here last night but I guess all around us were hit pretty hard. I-15 into Evanston is closed and I imagine much of Wyoming. I did not have a good sleep. Buddy was up and down all night so I was up and down all night. I took him to the vet’s this morning to have his bandages removed off his right leg and the doctor said it was healing nicely and he also removed Buddy’s anal nodules stitching. Once more checkup next Monday at 9:45 and hopefully that is the last for a couple of months.

2 February 2015 Tuesday

Merry Candlemas: the cross quarter day between Winter and Spring... Mother Earth is being to stir beneath the snow. The Sacred Wheel has 8 seasons not 4...2 solstices, 2 equinoxes, and 4 cross quarter days that fall between the solstices and equinoxes. Mostly forgotten except as Maypole dances, Halloween, and Ground Hog Day... The one for August has been long forgotten... 2nd of February Ground Hog Day, St Brigid Day, Candlemas and Imbolc all mean we are half way through winter. Levon came over bring a pepperoni pizza and to visit about Lucky and the intruder last Saturday. He said that he saw a Schnauzer on line for adoption and he wanted me to look at him. Not that I was ready to adopt something told me to go on line and look. He was a pretty gentleman about 8 years old and my heart or Lucky was prompting me to rescue him. Then later in the evening Garth Chamberlain out of the blue said he heard that I lost a dog and wanted to know if I was ready to adopt another. He said friends of his Robert Rosvell an Jon Michael were fostering a terrier that they had to place and Garth thought of me. I told Garth I wanted to look at this other dog before making a decision about the foster dog but he gave me their phone number and wanted me to call them. I said I would tomorrow. I wonder if I am doing right by Lucky.  I liked Hilary when she was 1st Lady and wanted to reform health care in America, I liked Hilary in 2008 when she ran against Obama and lost... I like Clinton now ... The Clintons have been good to me and America... I am ready to see another Clinton in the White House and Bill First Gentleman

3 February 2016 Wednesday

I started filling out an application for the 8 year old Schnauzer when I thought I better do the courteous thing and give Robert a call. He said the dog they were fostering was also a schnauzer so I asked if I could come by and they said of course. They live less than a mile from me near the Rose Park Library.  When I got there I was greeted by a darling silver gray Schnauzer with clipped ears. He was sweet and playful and the more we talked we realized that this dog was the same dog that was up for adoption at Petco and they were fostering it for an organization called Hearts for Paws.  They said I should finish the application and they would put in a good word for me. Ive known Robert Rosvell for over 20 years. Well if it’s meant to be I may be getting another poor guy who needs a home.  My cousin Terrie Williams sent me this fun article on Laguna Beach in the sixties... You never know the forces that shaped you until you look back...I remember the Mystic Art World burning down only a few months after John Griggs died... I loved the bohemian free spiritedness of the time...we were the celts and the establishment was the Romans expanding the Empire war effort to sell more color TVs... Listening to the new born lies...In the evening I made chili and corn bread on this chilly day. It’s only been about 25 degrees all day. So this evening Buddy, Daisy and I all piled in bed hoping to stay warm. Hope everyone is too. It’s been over a week since I lost Lucky and I got a card in the mail from Kyle today where he had a prison inmate draw a picture of Lucky in the mail today and I started bawling again... He was a precious sweet heart but I know another little guy will come into my life when the fates determine... I will frame this drawing as a remembrance of old snaggletooth.

·         “Ben Those who are fortunate to have strayed into your heart invariably  find therein unconditional love, support, compassion, and lots of food. Lucky in name and circumstance, you rescued him from uncertainty and provided great comfort in his sunset years. No human or animal could ever hope for a better family than what you have been for Lucky and so many strays, my self-included.  On behalf of all those you have rescued let me let me say thank you; you have made a difference to us all. Love and condolences,  Kyle.

4 February 2016 Thursday

Had a delicious lunch at Charlie Chow with Bill Poore downtown... He didn't know it but today is my 30th anniversary of coming out of the closet... I didn’t say anything about getting a new dog because I ddn’t want to get my hopes up if the adoption didn’t go through. Laurie the person in charge of adoptions called and we talked  for about a half hour. She said only one other application was sent in by a woman but she’d rather adopt to a male because the dog Rocky seemed partial to men. But she would let me know tomorrow. She said she had a lot of email interest in the dog. Learned today that Bob McIntier passed away and Craig Hunter said from cancer. I'd like to think the Gay Community would have been slightly altered if I hadn't come out. Took some banana bread to Chuck Whyte and took him over to get some drugs at Smiths... Tried to snow all day but just flakes. Didn't keep me from hot tubbing... Now it's time to snuggle in with the pups... Sad that so many of my friends are suffering losses this week, Matt Lyon lost his mother, Stephen Bolinder lost sister, and of course Bob McIntier who died yesterday.

5 February 2016 Friday

A young person named Chad Anderson this morning was asking for some historical information on a subject so I sent him a bunch of material and he asked me "Can you tell me a bit about your passion for the LGBT history here? Where did it come from?' So I wrote back: I have a B.A. in history and minor in Political Science. I was an activist in the 1980's creating social and political organizations in SLC. I knew all the movers and shakers from back then and kept a daily journal like any good historian should LOL There are three main reasons I kept a record of our community... 1st is that it is for all my friends who died of AIDS who never got to tell their stories, I needed to be their voice.  2nd is I didn't want the Mormon Church to lie about how horrendous they treated us and change the history like they did with the black to put a positive spin on all the suicides that can be laid at their feet,  and 3rd...as a historian I knew that I had the opportunity and privilege to keep our history from the very beginning because I knew most of the movers and shakers from the 1970's. Yes there were homosexuals in SLC prior to 1969 but there were no sense of a community. Everything we have today can be traced back to those folks from the 1970's and 1980's and I was in the position to record those stories before they disappeared. I felt like I had a purpose and obligation to save the history of Salt Lake City my adopted home. To the post-Stonewall generation this is all "history" but for me it was my life! There is a collection of 36 linear feet of material I saved and donated to the Marriott Library in the U of U special collections. Years from now some history geek with praise my name. Connell O'Donovan and I formed the Gay and Lesbian Historical Society in 1988 and after he moved I changed it to the Utah Stonewall Historical Society for Gay and Lesbian Studies. The late Chad Keller was instrumental in a renewed interest and of the hounding of Jim Dabakis to write a book. LOL. I guess the 12 years and about 200 articles I've written for the Q doesn’t count.

I graduated from high school in 1969 so I have always considered myself a lucky to be child of the Stonewall Revolution and besides I fucking hate revisionists LOL

 Finally I am proud when someone contacts me about a name of a friend of theirs that only exists now in the records I have kept.

·         Michael Aaron You dropped the fuck bomb on a youth. Geez wink emoticon

·         Edgar Ben Williams I am an old fuck smile emoticon

·         Chad Anderson Ha and he's not that young.

·         Edgar Ben Williams A babe in arms lol

·         Sheri Morris I LOVE this. We are so lucky to have you, Ben.

·         Weston Clark Write the book! Write the book!

·         Ron Johnson Those of us who lived through those "history years" praise your name NOW!

·         Trevor DeReus Thanks for your dedication!

·         Dan Fahndrich Ben, you are a treasure of information and friendship. Thanks for being in my life and your support of the community.

6 February 2016 Saturday

Picking up my new furry companion at 10:20... Daisy and Buddy will be surprised to find they have a new friend...I told Kent McKay Scadlock when he came over to hot tub last night that with the new pup I feel like I am playing with a full deck again... With just the two of them I felt someone was missing at supper time, going for rides, and curled up in bed... Feel like home will be completed again...He's home and Buddy is being a baby too...Nothing heals the heartbreak of losing a sweet dog like bringing another sweet dog into your heart. I love him laying on my lap. My home is complete again. Just waiting for Bill Poore to come over and pick the right name Rocky or Harley...he named Lucky and it was right. I can't help but think Lucky would have approved. Well it's official the pups name is Harley... Bill Poore picked Harley because he said it sounded like a sissy name for someone from Texas... Harley sure took a shine to Bill even looked out the window when Bill left...Too much excitement for one morning and afternoon so we are taking a nap... When I go to the play tonight Michael is coming over with Coco to baby sit until I get home ...

·         Jon Michael Higgens wrote: This is Rocky, we had the privilege to foster this beautiful dog for almost a full week. Please take a look at him with his new daddy Edgar Ben Williams. His is a face of resiliency! Ben is at least the third person to declare that he will provide a forever home for this handsome gentleman. I know he will. This handsome Schnauzer only wants to be loved and play and please his humans. He will forever have a place in my heart! What a dog! He is amazing.

·         Edgar Ben Williams He is amazing and seems to be adjusting to his new digs...Michael and coco Doggy sat while I went to see The Producers and now is sleeping on the pillow next to me with Buddy and Daisy...he ate well...had some wet food and boneless chicken thighs... Hasn't quite figured out the doggy door but will...he loves the big back yard to explore and sitting in the chair in the bay window to explore the world... I know you miss him but know he will be loved and nothing will ever harm him... When you think he and you are ready come over

·         Jon Michael I am delighted your his dad. Perfect match!

·         Craig Hunter So very cute.

·         Joel Jay Vallar Cuteness!

·         Edgar Ben Williams He's regal

·         Jon Michael He looks like he is "at home" already.

·         Ann Clark Aww

·         Kent McKay Scadlock Love him already!

·         Richard P. Butler The addition will fit like a glove with the others. They need him almost as much as you do.

·         Alan Anderson Your family is complete.

·         T.J. Otaka Congratulations! I am very happy for you and your family. He is adorable.

·         Kay Campbell Rocky looks right at home! Love it!!

·         Edgar Ben Williams He was renamed Harley because he's not a fighter lol

·         Steve Brackenbury This makes me happy. You are such a big love Ben. Thankful for you in this world.

·         Terrie Williams absolutely

·         Robert Edward Cross What a profile! Stately he is, yes indeed.

·         Denise Wachs He's handsome like his new daddy

·         Roland Ron Holmgren When was the last time Bill call a few Harley Davidson motorcycle riders sissy?

·         Bill Poore Ben said sissy not me By the way I know a lot of gay sissy Harley riders.

·         what a handsome boy watching me leave.. I should have taken him home with me.

·         Michael Sanders I support that name!

·         Chuck Whyte He has a very cute face, did Bill Poore choose a name yet

·         Edgar Ben Williams Harley

·         Roland Ron Holmgren At first, I though Rocky was a good name for your new puppy, but since thinking, and a new dislike for Rocky Anderson, Harley is a good name.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Bill Poore said Rocky was too common for such an uncommon dog

7 February 2016 Sunday

Harley spent the first night at his new home and he did pretty good. I had to assure him that it was alright to sleep on the bed and he was restless a few times. Still hasn't gotten the hang of the doggy door so was up a few times letting him in and out. Michael said he was a very good boy babysitting him last night. No separation anxiety. So think he is adjusting well and he loves all the toys in the house.   Last night I really enjoyed The Producer although Alan had a cold so he didn't like it as much as I did. But then he really is a football guy...the people that have season seats near his he struck up a friendly conversation that he hadn't seen them since the Oregon/ U of U game LOL.  I am surprised the SWJ crowd doesn't boycott the Keep IT Gay scene from the Producers. I thought it hilarious with actor John Boss playing the drag queen director Roger and the actor playing Carmen Ghia was superb Had Bill Poore over for a birthday dinner. Made red velvet cupcakes with vanilla frosting for him and then cheese enchiladas, Spanish rice, guacamole, and Pico de gallo for dinner. Michael Romero came over too and afterwards took me down to Lancers Auto repair to have the Cruiser look at for the fan not shutting off and running my battery down. I still have the truck so I am not without transportation. Harley just loved Bill for some reason... when he leaves he jumps up on the chair and looks out the window and kind of cries when he leaves. Probably all the treats he buys him. Very warm out but very hazy also. well Harley likes fried chicken gizzards, carrots and peas, and soft noodles so he's fitting in just fine. I hope good sportsmanship is going on in the super duper football bowl or whatever. May the team with the cutest guys win  Fantasy Versus Reality Three GOP presidential including Ted Cruz went to a political event / religious event that calls for the government to round up Gays and execute them. A kill the Gays call to arms... Quit quibbling about Bernie and Hilary and know what the fuck is going on among the Republicans ...

8 February 2016 Monday

Second night ... Harley didn't want to sleep on the bed but rather wanted to pay tug a war and playing with me throwing his squeaky bone that his fairy godmother Jon Michael sent with him... I didn't want to think he's not free to go and come as he pleases so he slept some on the ottoman at the foot of the bed but when I got up he was curled up in the lazy boy... He's kind of a loner but maybe as he gets more and more adjusted when he knows this is his forever home he will sleep with the rest of us. When I am in bed he comes and stretches for me to pet him but when I reach to bring him to bed he runs away... Not sure if it's a game or just Mr. Independent...it will all work out... Letting him have his space... Different than Lucky...I guess I will get up and move to the lazy boy so I can love on him where he wants to be.  Richard Butler is coming over tomorrow to see Harley and I guess I will be babysitting their pup when they go to Texas sometime in March. I took Buddy in for his last checkup. Doing well and I made an appointment for Harley to have a checkup Feb 22 at 8:30. Well the fan motor when out in the 2007 Cruiser after bringing Harley home. Took it in to the repair shop yesterday and its $600 to replace it. Can't drive without a fan... My little ruby red dog-mobile is having issues, first a timing belt and now a fan motor. But its paid for and the repairs are cheaper than car payments to drive the pups around and take Coco home. My 1997 Sonoma truck is still a champ and its paid for too. Private transportation isn't cheap and relied on public and a bicycle for years and years but in my old age I want four wheel to haul my old carcass around. Met Kent Scadlock at Scaddys where he bought me lunch and then he came back to the house to use the computer here to create an event for Gay Men Aloud. Lancers Auto called and said the Cruiser was ready at 3:30 so Kent took me down since it was on his way home. Chicken thighs done for supper tonight... Bake them for 2 hours and meat slips off the bones...after they cool chop them up and voile supper for puppies. No fuss no muss and good for several days...I like to mix in peas and carrots and some kibble... Harley says them is good eatings ... At $1.39 a pound cheaper than processed dog food...

·         Stephanie Williams  totally agree with you Ben, I will be doing a few things to my truck soon, but it's paid for. If I was to buy my truck now it would cost 62K, yikes. I should be able to get another 10 years outta my truck. It's great to not have to be doing that payment.

·         Robert Edward Cross The Cruiser is a car that will last you a good long time (with occasional blips) and it’s a great mobile kennel for the family.

9 February 2016 Tuesday

I wrote Kyle a long letter this morning. I was barely done with it when Richard Butler came over at 11 a.m. I wasn’t dressed or prepared because I thought he was coming over at noon. He just wanted to see Harley and visit…so about noon we did go out to DI in Bountiful and it’s not my favorite but he had already been to the one at Welfare Square. Then we went Applebee’s for lunch and it was about 3 pm when he left. The smog is really bad and I have a little bit of a headache but Michael is sick with allergies from it. I fixed some corn chowder and brought it over to him when I dropped Coco off. Harley actually jumped in the car like Lucky used to do so maybe he’s coming around. I had to take the flap off the doggy door so that Harley would start at least going through the doggy door to outside. He pooped twice in the house because he didn’t know how to go out while I was out. Better than keeping the door wide open. Took the flap off the doggy door so he will start using it to go in and out rather than waiting for me to open it. He had an accident but think it was when Rich Butler and I were out and he didn't know how to go out. When he is used to going in and out the doggy door I will put the flap back on and go from there. He's liking the afternoon car rides and even jumped up into the back like Lucky would. I think for a while he's going to sleep in the lazy boy so I bought him a pad to lay on and a blanket because my yard is mud now that all the snow is gone. I was 19 years old and a student at Cypress College. College was free in California until Ronald Reagan became Governor   9 February 1971 Tuesday 40th day  I woke up at 5:00 with a terrible stomach ache. Couldn't go back to sleep so I sept on the front room floor before the wall hearer. Mom got up at 6:00 to get ready for work when a rattling noise began. The house began to sway back and forth then began to shake fervently before it subsided. We had a severe earthquake. Mom quickly turned on the radio for news but the stations were blacked out for 15 minutes. It wasn't until later in the morning did the whole extent of the earthquake was known. It registered 6.5 and was centered 10 miles east of Newhall. So far 32 are known dead. San Fernando Valley was the most severely hit with two hospitals collapsing killing many persons. Also because of a crack in a dam 80,000 persons were evacuated in SF Valley. Many freeway over passes collapsed and President Nixon declared Southern California a disaster area. Here in Orange County only damage was a crack in the Garden Grove Freeway. We are fine. Also in the news Apollo 14 splashed down and Sharon Atkins of the Tate-Bianca murders confessed. It was clear and hot today 80 degrees. In school today I had Speech with Mr Swenson and Creative Writing with Mr Manis. I like both of the classes.

·         Dear Kyle, I owe you a long letter after all that has happened since I last wrote you.  On January  18, I took Buddy in to the vet for teeth cleaning and to have the vet look at his leg that didn't seem to be healing. The vet said that poor old Buddy was a medical mess. The lump on his haunch he advised not to remove because they would have had taken a large piece of skin off  but it was his leg that really worried the doctor because it looked like cancer. He cleaned the leg and sent some tissue to the lab.  On top of that his anal nodules were infected and bleeding. They had to removed them by surgery as well as Buddy had to be neutered because testosterone was the cause of it. If Buddy was in pain or declining I'd had put him down but he’s active and eating well so I wanted to keep him for a few more years. At age 10, I could have him for at least 4 more years. However if his leg sore would have turned out to be fast spreading cancer I would have had to make the decision to let him go. The vet spoke about amputation in the worst case scenario but I would never have his leg amputated. So I spent about  $1500 on him for teeth cleaning, neutering, surgery on his butthole and on his sore leg. It was a lot of money but at least I am not putting him through college. Besides I'd rather pay the money on my Buddy than take a cruise anyway which is what  everyone has suggested I do ever since I retired. Poor old Buddy came home from the vet that day about 3:30 with a collar of shame on but  everything went well. He didn’t have any teeth extracted,  just his balls, and surgery on leg and anal nodules. I had to give Buddy pain pills, stool softener, and antibiotics, for about 2 weeks and the vet said to make sure he ate a lot to heal faster. I stayed home from Gay Men Aloud for the first time to comfort the old boy. He's a sweet, good boy as you know. After the surgery he perked right up and he was like a new dog, playful, active so it was money well spent. Forget spoonful of sugar, I rolled Buddy’s pills up in cream cheese balls that made the medicine go down in the most delightful way. So I never had to shove them down his throat or see him spit them out of his food.  When I took Buddy to have his bandages changed, and stitches removed he did it without a whimper and the vet said all is looking good but the lab results did say that the sore was cancerous and to keep an eye on it so that is still a worry. Then on the 24^th of January  it was Lucky turn to not feel well. He looked really mopey and wouldn’t eat his supper or move much from his perch in the window. He threw up a few times that day so I thought he was probably just nauseous but I was kind of worried that he was throwing up yellow and green bile. The next day I took Buddy in for a check and made an appointment for Lucky because he seemed like he was really hurting and wouldn’t eat, move, or even wanted to go for a ride to take Coco home. That was when I knew something was seriously wrong. On January 26^th my heart was broken when I had to put down my sweet boy Lucky. It was a shock because I had no idea when I went in I would be losing him. He had another restless night and was breathing with a slight moan. He was still drinking water but refusing to eat anything. I still thought it was mainly a virus or something he had eaten outside. Lucky acted like he wanted to go outside but at other times he would just stand and act like he was daze. I could tell by the sad look in his eyes he was not well. At 2:40 I went with Lucky and his papers from the pound to the vet. He had a bit of a dirty butt when I got there, so I cleaned him as best I could but just held him in my arms. The vet was busy but finally got Lucky in at about 3:15. When he examined Lucky and looked at his teeth I was stunned to learn that he was at least 10 years old or older. When I adopted him two years ago I was told that he was just 3 years old so I thought he was just five or six from what I was told.  The vet could tell by looking at him that Lucky was really sick and when I told him how much water he was drinking he looked concerned and told me that Lucky might have diabetes. He did a blood test and then had more bad news for me saying that indeed Lucky was diabetic and his blood levels were over 500! He said that it wasn’t anything I was feeding him, that Schnauzers are prone to diabetes. He said I could give him injections and pain pills to help with his distress but he wanted to run a kidney and liver tests and run another blood sugar reading. He then said I might consider putting him down by which I immediately choked up because I was not even remotely prepared to accept that he might not be coming home with me. However as the machine was running the labs, I just stayed with Lucky, petting him, loving him, and I could tell from the look in his eyes I knew he was very tired and hurting. I told him how much I loved him and thanked him for being my dog and then knew it was the right decision to have him put down and not try to take him home. Poor Lucky couldn’t even raise his head. The lab results confirmed my decision to have his put down as that his blood sugars were even higher in the 600 range and his kidney and liver numbers were in the 140s when they should be in the 30’s. His little body was shutting down. The vet agreed it was a wise decision to let Lucky go rather than put him through all the effort that may not have save him after all. The doctor asked what I wanted to do with his body afterwards and I said numbly I wanted him cremated so I could take him home and have him join, Oscar, Saffy, Priscilla, and Smokey. So I signed the papers for Lucky’s euthanasia and I held him and stroked him as he was given the lethal dose. He had no strength left and went peacefully and quickly without a sound at 4:25 pm. The vet checked his heart and it was still. Lucky was gone. My sweet boy was gone. They would have let me stayed as long as I wanted but I was so dazed that needed to just go home to grieve. I needed a private place to cry.  Lucky was gone. He never let me out of his sight and always only wanted to be near me. Oh how it was hard to walk away from his little body. The lonely drive home was unbearable as I wiped away my tears. I came home without Lucky only to be greeted Buddy, Daisy, and Coco wondering where their brother was. I had taken two photos of Lucky when he was being sedated before being euthanized and I posted them on Facebook and all I could say was “The House of the Barking Dogs will be a little more quiet tonight. RIP little guy you were such a good loving boy.”  I had Michael come and get Coco because I was in no shape to drive and the rest of the evening people were posting their sympathies to me. When I stopped crying I posted “It's hard to say goodbye to a sweet little soul whose only desire was to be loved by you and love you back.” I had 89 condolence comments on FB. Some who actually knew him were as heartbroken as I. Over the next few days people dropped in with food, flowers, and cards. Even with still having Daisy and Buddy home, the house seemed so very quiet and empty. I always said that I was the lucky one when that pooch came into my life. He was a lover and always wanted to be near me... I use to sing to him “You are my Lucky Star”....he used to give me little kisses. It was hard to kiss him one last time knowing he could not kiss me back. For Gay men, especial of my generation, our pets are our children and it was a comfort when people said that I gave an old dog a loving home in his sunset years. So when you called that Wednesday I was still in shock and grieving. But for the rest of the week I was slowly accepting that Lucky isn’t by my side anymore. Not sure if I can get used to it. Buddy, however, is way more energetic and the money spent on him was well worth it. He’s back to being his old bossy self.  Daisy is also being extra sweet as if she knows I am missing Lucky. Then on the 30^th of January early Saturday morning, I woke up to hear a strange noise in the house like a thump about 3:30 a.m. So I got up to see what it might be. My first thought was that something fell over, but something prompted me to grab my dad’s walking cane as I went out in the hall from my bedroom. My heart fell through my stomach when I saw a shadowy figure in the dark standing in the hall down by the kitchen. I switched the hall light on and started yelling like a mad man “what are you doing here! get out get out!” ... He just stood there and stared at me so I started pushing and prodding him with the cane all the time yelling get out get out as he stumbled towards the back kitchen door. I managed to push him out and locked the door as fast as I could. As he left I saw him slipped and fall down the steps leading to the sauna deck and he just laid there. So I raced around the house turning on all the lights and locking all doors. When I went back to the kitchen to look out the back door he just stood there and was knocking on it. I thought shit he’s trapped in my back yard and what should I do? I was panicking because I could not find my phone and then remembered it was in the car. So I raced down there to retrieve it hoping he hadn’t come in through the garage back door and then I remembered that the downstairs door doesn't shut. It must have been adrenaline because after retrieving my phone I was able to slam it shut and locked it. I finally called 911 and fortunately there was a squad car in the area. The officer jumped the fence and found the guy on the deck and handcuffed him. I put the pups in the bedroom to keep them safe and out of the way. Not once did they bark or make a sound to warn me that someone was in the house. When my friends come to visit they bark like maniacs but a man enters the house in the middle of the night and not a sound. The officer had to bring him through the house to the front door as he had jumped the fence to find him. Then I saw that the man was either an Indian or Mexican with long stringy black hair and very underdressed for the rainy cold morning. No hat or coat and he was really out of it. He was really incoherent, either drunk or high or both and that is why he probably didn’t do anything to leave when I was yelling at him. That was what scared me the most when I yelled for him to get out and he just stood there and wouldn’t move. He also looked like he had been in a fight because there were cuts on his face and he was bloody. That made him look even more frightening but when the officer was questioning him, the intruder was incoherent and he reeked with the stink of sweat and booze. The arresting officer asked if I knew how he came into the house but I had no idea...if he would have come up the wooden steps and through the gate you put in I am sure I would have heard that or the dogs would have. But when I first saw him in the house he was leaning against the wall by the kitchen. The officer thought he came in through the kitchen door because of mud tracks but how he could have gotten into the back yard I don't know because the gates are always kept locked and how he could have climbed the fence in his inebriated condition I will never know. The next day in the morning light I saw blood on my door frame so he did come in through the kitchen door. Thank god I woke before he had stumbled into the bedroom where I had been sleeping! Luckily the police officer said he was in the area because it had been reported that someone was going through people's yards. He said thought it must have been this guy. I don't think he was trying to steal anything... I think he was so high he didn't know where he was. No jacket or warm clothing in this rain...maybe he wanted shelter...well he will get it now at the county jail. There were two cop cars and a fire truck keeping me up until 4:30 but I had the presence of mind to know that the arresting officer was cute. Needless to say I was wide awake with the lights on for the rest of the morning and too distraught and a little frightened to go back to sleep.  I think it was in the back of my mind that my mom and dad were kidnapped in the middle of the night when they lived in Palmdale by home invaders. They made them  drive to an ATM  because Mom and Dad didn’t keep money in the house. A suspicious patrol officer wondered what an old lady in her night gown was driving at 3 in the morning and when he put on his flashers the kids bailed from the car and were caught. I don’t know what mom was more upset about-the kidnapping or being called “an elderly couple” in the newspaper.  Needless to say I’ve been sleeping with lights on in the front room, checking that all the doors are locked, and keeping my phone by my bed. The dogs not barking is what surprises me but now I know why I slept through all the boys you brought home in the middle of the night and was surprised to see that you had company in the morning. So with January behind me, on Ground Hog’s Day, Levon, my Armenian Asylum Seeking Ward, came by to see how I was doing. It was because of him, when he was living with me, that I had adopted Lucky 2 years and 3 months ago. He told me of a Schnauzer that he found on line that needed adopting. I told him I wasn’t too sure I was ready to adopt so soon after losing Lucky…But he texted me the online adoption site and there was an 8 year old silver schnauzer that was needing adopting because his owners had given him up as that he was getting older and having accidents in the house. The sentimental side of me couldn’t stand to have a Schnauzer abandoned like that so thought I might look into it. Then a friend I hadn’t spoken to for over a year, whom I had known for 25 years or more, called me out of the blue and said he had friends who were fostering a cute terrier and that they were looking to find a good home for him. He wanted me to call them and to go see the dog as that they just lived by the Rose Park Library. I told Garth I would but first I wanted to see if this old Schnauzer had been adopted, but I promised I would call. The foster parents were two Gay men, one I had known since 1990 but we didn’t run around in the same circles. So on the 3^rd of February after putting it off but then thinking that the best way to honor Lucky’s memory would be to give a home to another unwanted dog. I felt that Lucky would have been okay with it and that at my age I don’t have the luxury anymore of taking my time to make a decision. Thus I went over to see the dog and to my surprise it was a pure breed Schnauzer. I thought he was going to be a terrier mix. The schnauzer was playful and very friendly to me and I was feeling guilty about the other schnauzer that I had saw on line. Here is the amazing part, the Schnauzer they were fostering was one and the same as the one Levon had found on line. I immediately knew that this dog had to be mine. So the next day I went on line to Hearts for Paws a dog rescue adoption agency and filled out an application. The woman running it said there was another application and lots of email interests and that on Friday she would decide where to place him. She did say she wanted him to go to a male as the dog was partial to men and the only other applicant was a woman. I spent the next few days going over to see the pooch and playing with him and that the foster parents were friends of the woman running the agency, they put in their opinion that the dog should be placed with me.  So on Friday I get a call saying that I could have the pup and it turned out all the email inquiries about the dog had turned out to be friends inquiring for me! So she knew I should get him. So on Saturday the 6^th Michael and I went down to Petco in West Valley where an adoption fair was going on and the foster dad reluctantly handed the sweet boy over to me. He had grown so fond of him but I said that he and his partner can come over and see him anytime and that I would fix them a dinner soon. So now the dilemma was what to call him. His former name was Rocky and before that “Indy” but Rocky was way to butch for this sweet little sissy boy so Bill Poore renamed him Harley which I loved. Bill had named Lucky for me so I thought it should be he who named this dog.  He’s about 16 lbs., half the size of Daisy and Buddy and about twice the size of Coco. He had his ears cropped so he doesn’t have the floppy schnauzer ears but he’s so handsome and loves all the men who come over to see him. Today is Tuesday and I had him less than a week so he’s just getting use to his forever home. He hasn’t yet wanted to sleep with me but curls up in the lazy boy. He likes his squeaky toys and to play.  He hasn’t yet learned how to use the doggy door so I am up at night to let him potty. It’s amazing sometimes I feel there is a guardian angel knocking himself out looking over me and trying to keep me happy. It’s nothing more than serendipity that within two weeks of losing one beloved dog that I have another little loveable boy for me to love and take care of. I can’t help but think that Lucky made this happen to heal a broken heart.  As I was and ever will be your friend  Ben

10 February 2016 Wednesday

Scrubbed the first layer of mud and dirt on my hands and knees. The back yard is mud with all the snow melted... 16 little feet running in and out Ready to buy a bundle of straw and lay it down... Harley found his spot on the lazy boy... He feels secure there so bought him a cushion and made up a bed for him... No accidents since I took the doggy door flap off... I turned the house heat down to compensate... He's worth wearing sweaters rather than running around sky clad lol...coco and Harley are becoming buds because they are both jail birds while Daisy and Buddy have been with me since they were 8 weeks... They are a little high fallutin. Life went back to normal the day after the earthquake  10 February 1971 Got up at 9:30 to get ready for. Gotool. Charline and James was over this morning. He sure is getting cuter as he grows. I am making him a toy stuffed butterfly in my craft class. At school I had philosophy with Gruver and psychology with Canova. Afterwards I went to the Bernstein House and talked a while with Nieneke. At home I cleaned up the house and tried to fix my bike's flat tire. I bought another one but it burst when I over filled it with air. After that it was about time for my craft class which is at 7:00. I went to school and went to the library to read. There I saw Andy Cunningham, John's brother, whom I haven't seen since last June. In art began to dye the muslin for my batik butterfly. I share a locker with Kent Larsen. He seems a pretty cool head. At home I cut out the pattern for my butterfly and watched some TV. It sure was hot today 85 degrees. Agnew came to L.A. to inspect the damage from yesterday's earthquake. 51 died and $ 1 billion damage.  (Kent Larsen was an 18 year old Gay Mormon and the first Mormon I ever knew...he began my journey into Mormonism which eventually led me to a home in Utah far away in time and space from my childhood home of Orange County, California)j

11 February 2016 Thursday

As soon as I was able to register to vote in 1970 (the age to vote was just lowered from 21 to 18) I registered as a Democrat. It was the party of FDR, JFK, and LBJ. It was the party that supported unions, the middle class, and civil rights. I never had to apologize for my vote because I never voted Republican. Hilary Clinton was a Republican until 1968 when Nixon's smear campaign against Rockefeller made her have a change of conscience and she became a Democrat. Bernie Sanders just became a Democrat in 2015 to run for President... I love Sanders' socialist views because I am a Socialist but I am also a loyal Democrat... People say Hilary is not trust worthy...I say their full of shit and been listening to Republican operatives. For friends of mine who said John Kasich is a Republican they could vote... Are you kidding me? And that goes for Jon Huntsman as well. He signed the flat tax that saved his father’s company 54 million in taxes while mine went up...he said he was fine with same sex marriage and then resigned so he would not have to take flack...his resignation allowed Herbert to slide into the governorship...

12 February 2016 Friday

Harley has been here a whole week now and made himself at home...he still wants the lazy boy to be his safe spot...Daisy is resting in my lap and Buddy and Coco are lounging on the divan. He's barking now too so has joined the chorus of the house of the barking dogs. Harley and I are all prepared for Utah's deadly smog... Changing the country will take more than voting for Hilary or Bernie... millennials will need to get out and vote in mass to vote vote vote in every election to drive Republicans out of office... If we don't change Congress changing the president is ineffective except for picking candidates for the Supreme which a Republican Congress will turn into a circus... Congress makes our nations laws not the President...It's important to promote who you want for the Democratic Presidential nominee. It is not acceptable to run down the other candidate. Both are fine people. Don't do the Republicans' job for them. If you want me to listen to your views keep them positive. Otherwise Bye-Bye Felicia. I went to DI today and bought some Hawaiian shirts. One was a Hilo Hattie which are pricey in the $25 .00-30.00 range when bought new. I looked up the Paradise Found shirt and they are $64 shirts based on Tom Selleck magnum tv series. I don't know the brands like Rich Butler but if I see something that catches my eye I check the pocket and buttons to see if everything lines up and the and the label says made in Hawaii... Those were good tips

13 February 2016 Saturday

Justice Antoine “Fat Tony” Scalia died… Yay! I am not going to pretend not to be overjoyed that Tony Scalia dropped dead. He hated me and I hated him...only difference was I never harmed him and he spent most of his judicial career harming me and the people I love... Good riddance and hopefully if the Republicans don't filibuster until Obama is out of office we can get a justice who will overturn Citizen United. Money is not speech or a billionaire has more speech that 90 percent of the people...hopefully also people will see how important it is to get rid of Republicans who will stymie any one he puts forth... And no more conservative Catholics... Here's a thought put a Quaker on the bench or better yet an Atheist who will respect the Constitution over their Bible Movie night Dinner at 6 and movie at 7 pm  Spaghetti, salad, French bread...  Andy brought a sheet cake carrot cake last time that I froze and will thaw out. Movie is Beefcake  Let me know you are coming so I can set a place for you...

14 February 2016 Sunday

I had a bunch of the guys over for dinner and movie night last although even though I felt tired all day more than usual and had a low grade head ache...I attributed it to the inversion smog as everyone is feeling under the weather because of it. Anyway when I did get to bed I immediately got the chills and my teeth was chattering...then I got so achy I felt like I had the flu...I had delirium and weak as a kitten and the strangest dreams like a conflict was going on in me. My head ached and eyes are sore and while I feel better I am just going to stay in bed all day. It took a week but look who's sleeping on the bed...my bed is total disaster from twisting and turning all night with the chills... Too weak to do much but wallow in it. But got all my babes with me on Valentine's Day. Had some cooked oatmeal, coffee and orange juice this morning. I was sleeping with the pups when I hear pounding on the front door... So I put on a robe and to my surprise Jim Dabakis is standing there bearing soup and his pup! It was like a tonic having him over hearing about all the crap going on at the state house and we both did a happy dance that Scalia croaked... His little boy chihuahua is named Chihuahua and I said well not too original with names are you...It was bedlam at the House of the Barking Dogs for a while but everyone settled down. So sweet that Jim drove over to see me on my deathbed when I am not even a constituent lol. I am feeling better but am going back to bed... Dabakis is one of the reasons I am a Democrat. This evening I will have some clam chowder that nurse Jim Dabakis brought over. He asked if I wanted to tag along one day up at the Capitol ... Hmmm into the belly of the beast... Might be worth it just to snicker and giggle at Lavar... And roll my eyes up at Hughes ... Is there contempt of court at the Capitol? Maybe I should start a bail Ben Williams out of jail fund... Hell no We won't go! Not the church not the state We alone decide our fate... Hey hey LBJ how many babies did you kill today... Hmmm I better rethink this. I fear as I age and slip into my second childhood my life will be filled with macrame, sandals, love beads, leather thong head bands, carrying protest signs the read Make Love Not War and my vocabulary will consist of "far out" "groovy" and "can you dig it?" ...This is what I have to look forward to in the rest home singing "Born to be Wild"... Pretty sad that the only Valentines I got today was from Facebook 😩... When I was teaching I at least got those cheesy teachers tear off cards that kids pass out lol

15 February 2016 Monday President’s Day

Progress... Harley doesn't sleep with us at night but he does take naps with us and even butt to butt with Buddy. The Grammies, being a holiday, and people sick may have kept the attendance down but at GMA tonight I felt it was one of our better meetings we have had with people sharing a lot from the heart. TJ Otaka, Doug White, and Dave Mangum were phenomenal with their topics on being authentic and were very engaging. Robert and John from Denver were new tonight so always good to see new comers. We missed our regulars who couldn't make it. Know you were missed. Kudos to Kent for hosting the month of February... announcements and reminders, next Friday the 19th we are planning going as a group to the 3rd Friday Bingo for a fundraiser for Great Dane Rescue, and the 29th we are having our 5th Monday potluck... See events for both these activities. I will be hosting the meetings in March... Be well

In May 2006 I brought home the cutest little fuzz ball I named Daisy at the age of 8 weeks...she was smart and cute and learned so quickly to use the doggy door and go down the back steps...but my other dogs Priscilla and Smokey wanted nothing to do with her so a few weeks later I retrieved her litter mate brother from Wyoming and they were never apart since then. I am afraid that they will be tomorrow. Daisy was not well all day drinking copious amounts of water, having to relieve herself uncontrollably, and losing her appetite. I didn't want to admit it but I could see what was happening...she was having a hard time standing. I kept my composure at my meeting tonight but just thinking about losing her so soon after Lucky was nearly breaking my heart...but when I came home she was laid out on the floor unable to stand...I tried lifting her but she collapsed... I could see her shaking like her valiant body was shutting down...so we are in bed and I will hold her and pet her throughout the night and if she is still here in the morning I will take her to the vet and hold her one last time...she knows I love her and will be there until the end... There is plenty of time to grieve later.. But tonight we are going to just be saying our goodbyes...Strangest thing was sure Daisy was getting ready to pass...she was going into convulsions and the cried so hard and lashed out and bit me and Buddy was so concern I had to lift him and put him the movie room... Then I helped Daisy off the bed and she started wandering around like she didn’t know where she was...but she had expelled all this liquid from her body down through 3 layers during her convulsion but now seems to be resting and out of stress and sleeping in bed again with Buddy...it was agony to See her in such pain but now she seems to just be resting with Buddy I don't want to change bedding tonight and disturb them so I will sleep in the movie room... So may be just may be Daisy will survive this... I am not putting her down now but will see what the vet has to say... I could do without all this trauma right now... So goodnight and will update in the morning I guess I was too optimistic. A few minutes ago Daisy was crying out in pain again and then started a strange bark like she was chasing something. A sound she had not made before...Buddy is beside himself... I put him back up on the bed so he can be with her... I think it's going to be a long sad night...I wish I had something to speed the process. It's the one thing I never wanted my pups to go through is the pain... I have a number for a vet who will come to the house ... I may have to do that instead of taking her... At least she is in bed the place she knows and is familiar...

·         Steve Woodall So sorry Ben; this is heartbreaking.

·         Robert Edward Cross Oh Ben, how l wish heavy burden could be lifted off your shoulders. This is very sad and I wish there was some way to help. I there is anything I can help you with tomorrow please let me know.

·         Steve Brackenbury I am so sorry Ben.

·         David Andreason Like I told you tonight, Ben--all cross over and all are lucky who have someone like you to hold them with love when they do. heart emoticon

·         Duane Jennings Here's an E-hug!

·         Amy Barry This does break my heart. I had the same night with my beloved Isabelle. My heart is with you.

·         Chuck Whyte Edgar Ben Williams, I am so very very sorry that Daisy is leaving this world and joining the sweet spirits at the rainbow edge.......I am always as close as a phone call.......

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Ben, this is just heartbreaking. Annie, my little dog went through almost the same thing. To lose two babies in such a short time is unbearable. Annie was a breed like Daisy, and she lived about the same length of time. I don't know their longevity, but it doesn't seem long enough. If possible, I would give you a hug, and let you cry on my shoulder.

·         Charline Wachs I am so sorry to hear about Daisy.

·         Andy Dalrymple {hug to you all}

·         Michael Wachs I am sorry to hear about your little one.

·         Erick Myers So sorry to hear about this, Ben.

·         Weston Clark frown emoticon

·         Russell Pack No! Not so soon after your last terrible loss. My heart is aching for you.

·         Jon Michael Bless you and daisy! Ring us up if there is anything we can do to help.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Thank Jon Michael but you and Robert helped more than you can imagine by bringing Harley in my life as I say goodbye to my other dogs who lived a cherished life with me

·         James Connelley At first I thought I was reading an earlier post about Lucky. I can't believe it's Daisy now. I need a box of tissues. I'm so, so sorry.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I feel for Buddy ... All his pals are gone and he hasn't bonded with Harley yet ... If ever

·         Bill Poore I just saw this it is 11 pm, poor little girl. This amazing you and I were just talking about this this morning. Let me know if you need my help, call me until you reach me. I don’t want to see her in pain either. I am happy I got to spend time with her and pet her the other day. Do you want me to come over Ben it is around 11 30 now?

·         Jon Michael I have some oral pain medication?

·         Bill Poore Ben has pain pills for Buddy, and Ben has pain pills.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I don't think I could get one down her but I will try...I am out of Buddy's pain medicine. I have a little cream cheese I will see if she Will swallow that...

·         Chuck Whyte I am so sorry that you are going through this, I am as close as a call, feel free to call me anytime

·         Edgar Ben Williams I gave her one of my pain pills in a little cream cheese and she got it down...she is very weak now and gave her some water...she cannot hold her head up now... I stroked her head and put Buddy back up to lay next to her... I will check again a hour or so... I don't expect her to be here in the morning... If I knew she was fading this fast I would have put her down but she was still kind of okay but I could tell something was off when she started wetting in the house today...I had made an appointment for next Monday for a checkup for Harley but told Kent that I was going to Bring Daisy down instead...it's all happening too fast... In a way Lucky prepared me for the possibility of losing my little girl.

·         Bill Poore She sounds weak, I am just happy you and Buddy are with her. She is a good little girl.

·         Chuck Whyte I wish I could send you a hug

·         Craig Hunter So sorry!

Weston Clark Hoping this morning brought good news. frown emoticon

·         16 February 2016 Tuesday

Once again the House of the Barking Dogs is a little more quiet this morning. Sweet Daisy May my little Chunky Monkey is no longer suffering. Her brave strong heart has stopped. She is now just a sweet memory and resides in my heart if not my home anymore.  Lucky prepared me for losing Daisy and allowed Harley the chance to join our family. He will help with the healing of the loss. I know I am a strong person for a reason but it’s sometimes very hard. Daisy loved and was loved and never knew anything but love and being spoiled. I will miss those beautiful, adorable eyes that expressed what was in her heart. The highest praise I can give is that she was a good dog. Up all night checking Daisy... Sure she would pass... Checked on her at 4:30 she felt cold to the touch then was surprised to feel her stir... The little girl's will not to leave was too strong so I caressed and told her it's okay to leave me...when I checked on her at 7 she was still here but in distress...she would not drink, the bed was drenched... I couldn't find a vet on short notice who would come to the house so I put a pillow and blanket in a basket put her in it as gentle as I could and took her where I had Lucky put down. Michael learned where I was and came with Coco so we were with her holding her to the end. She had 104 temperature...She went to sleep at 9:00 this morning and she will come home in about 3 weeks... This happened really fast like Lucky...only wish this would have happened in the day so she wouldn't have had to suffer as she did last night... But she is free of pain and suffering. I think of the saying from Little Big Man, " It is a good day to die". It is a beautiful day, warm, snow melted, Buddy lying on the porch in the sun waiting, and Harley bringing in all of Daisy's babies. They don't need to be gathered up from the yard because Harley loves them so they will still bring years of joy. I see some sadness in Buddy's eyes when he looks out into the yard thinking he might see sister there under her favorite tree. May be she is. It is a good day to die. And I want to celebrate her life and not mourn her passing. Playing tug a war with Harley is how I can do that. We are only dancing on the earth a short while. When I put old Oscar down I came home grieving until I saw this across the street. I called it Oscar's Rainbow. It was a good day to die. Daisy was such a funny girl ... when I couldn't find her she'd usually be in the bath tub...I think she like the cool porcelain on her belly... She also liked a good scrubbing of her under carriage... One of a kind... She loved to touch my face ever since a puppy. She did it for the last time when we were snuggling in bed last night saying our goodbyes and letting her know what a good dog she was... And she was... She got me through a lot of difficult times over the last 10 years when I thought the only thing keeping me going was my pups needed me... I have been extra attentive to Buddy...he's sleeping a lot and mopey...

·         Chuck Whyte She was indeed a favorite cuddler

·         Jon Michael It sounds like she was a phenomenal dog. Our deepest sympathies.

·         Kent McKay Scadlock I am so sorry, Ben! I've decided if reincarnation exists, I want to come back as one of Ben's dogs. She was truly loved.

·         Richard P. Butler Again sorry for your loss.

·         Michael Aaron I can't imagine. I am so sorry.

·         Russell Pack My heart is so, so very heavy for you.

·         Ann Clark So sorry sweetie

·         Joel Jay Vallar Am sorry Ben.

·         Edgar Ben Williams If you are lucky enough to be loved and trusted by a dog it is something we must all go through... Unfortunately the pain is as deep as the love

·         Russell Pack It's actually the greatest gift you can give to these sweet babies; knowing that they are loved more deeply than words can ever say. I'm absolutely positive that they can feel your love even as they pass.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I do too and if not they must feel the comfort of a familiar voice and hand as they leave for the ages

·         Michael Wachs I am so sorry to hear of another passing so soon.

·         Michael Sanders Oh Ben, I'm so sorry. I'd be a wreck. Lucky then Daisy. Bijoux, JoJo and Paris sending licks! xoxo

·         Edgar Ben Williams Thank you and I know how lucky you are to have your furry love bugs... Keep them close to your heart

·         Michael Sanders I keep them close to my heart but away from my leather gear.

·         Bill Poore She was so blessed to have you take care of her. My love to you Buddy and Harley and Cocco and Michael.

·         Craig Hunter Very sad.

·         Kirk Birkle Very sad. Such a sweet face. Hugs.

·         Weston Clark So sorry, Ben. Thinking of you.

·         Charline Wachs She loved you as much as you loved her. It is always hard when you lose a member of your family. You are in our hearts and prayers. Love you

·         Kay Campbell I hate to hear this. Love you.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I was much more prepared for the loss of Daisy than Lucky... She was a tough little Amazon but their little bodies weren't meant to last as long as they do.

·         Alan Anderson Oh. no! I am at a loss for words. This is too soon, and she hasn't been having any problems! So, so sorry Ben. She was such a dear, sweet puppy. My condolences.

·         Todd Markham Sorry for your losses lately!

·         Amy Barry What a sweet face she has.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren I don't cry at things posted on Facebook, however sentimental or heartfelt they are, but today, I cried when I read your posts. We are single men, living alone with our little companions. When we lose one, a void fills our home that can never be replaced. You will be blessed with another companion, and you will love it, but there will always be the memories of Daisy. And while they are animals, it is like losing one of our children. I am so sorry

·         Edgar Ben Williams Thank you Ron ... I know you know the grief but it's what you do when you have the trust and love of another living creature...

·         Kathy Riser So sorry, Ben! What a time you're having. Well, that’s the third thing,so you should be good the rest of the year.

·         Terrie Williams i am so sorry that ms Daisey went over the rainbow bridge. I glad she did not suffer long. although it sounds like the day before was a doozer! Glad Harley found his way into your home. Sending hugs, Cuz

·         Michael Christensen-Frame I couldn't believe what I was reading. Two in this short of time. I cannot imagine how you are coping. So sorry for your losses. Even though no one can take their place, it helps to have the loving company of another furry family member. BLESSINGS TO YOU AND YOURS. ! !

·         Tom Shoemake OMG Ben, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sure your heartbroken, I know I would be. I’m so sorry for your loss. You are am amazing Dad to these doggies!!!!!

·         J Seth Anderson Oh man, I'm so sorry. frown emoticon

·         Luci Malin So sorry for your loss.

·         Jamie Turnbow  Hugs

·         Connell O'Donovan Oh damn, I'm so sorry to hear this! A big Faerie hug to you...

·         Andrea Dahl So sorry for your loss, Ben.

·         Deb Rosenberg That's two too many to lose in succession like that. My heart is going out to you.

·         Harry-It Winston My heart goes out to you Edgar Ben Williams Bella and I send our love to you at this time ❤ I'm in tears for you Gem lots of love

·         Edgar Ben Williams It's the price have to pay unfortunately for the privilege of having the trust and love of a dog... But the good times are completely worth the grief at the end... With the darkness always comes a dawn... Bella is certainly lucky to have you and even more you are lucky to have Bella...

17 February 2016 Wednesday

Bill Poore came over with some calla lilies and he took me out for lunch but the truth is I am really tired and not hungry. I feel like I have been hit by a truck now that I am done with being in emergency mode and my emotions are resurfacing from the recesses where they were shoved down into. . I get dizzy for no reason and I set down not able to focus with tears welding up. I guess I should just stay home during this mourning period and take the time it takes to adjust having my life drastically altered. Harley is a blessing, for no matter what he brings me out of my zone and wants to play. He reminds me that life is for the living...for the here and now... It seems as at a certain age every loss opens wounds of the memories of all those we have lost so the pain becomes exponential... But like any tempest in the heart... It will subside but not forgotten. “You can’t be strong all the time. Sometimes you just need to be alone and let your tears out.” Exactly how I am feeling. When I am with others I feel like I have to hold it together. Alone I can just hold Buddy and sob... Daisy was the strongest life force of all and her absence is palpable. She fought dying so hard for us. I do believe that. I guess I will need a bigger shelf when Lucky and Daisy come home again...

·         Bill Poore I could tell you were having a difficult time today. I just rattled on during lunch knowing you needed to get out. You need rest and time alone. I am happy you have Harley as well. Being your friend it is impossible not to love your dogs. I will miss sweet Daisy, she was a great little girl.

·         Edgar Ben Williams She had her own sweet little quirks and darling personality like when she would just come up and look you in the face with those adorable eyes and long eye lashes... She was my big little sweetheart

·         Roland Ron Holmgren When Nathan died, his death really hit me hard. The worst thing was his toys. Nathan love his toys, and he would get so excited when I bought him a new one. But Cali loves toys. So when she went home, I sent with her Nathan's toys. Nathan never damaged his toys, but Cali is really rough with them, but they are giving another little dog joy and that is what is important. The lilies are lovely, and Bill is such a good, kind thoughtful friend. You complement each other. I was asked since love my dogs so much, would I get another. The answer is no. I want to outlive my dogs. I don't want them to be orphaned. But you are still a young man with so much to give, and eventually you will find it in your heart to provide a loving home for another baby. Ben, you have lost so much in the last couple of weeks, it is OK to take the time to grieve and recover.

·          Edgar Ben Williams I think I am traumatized from holding it together with Lucky's death, having an intruder in the house, and now losing Daisy so quickly ....watching her suffer and die without the ability to do a thing to help her pass until the morning.

18 February 2016 Thursday

The wind is wicked here in Westpointe by the airport...glad no leaves on the trees or I'd have some tree limbs down not just branches... The wind chimes are going crazy and the wind is really loud making it impossible to sleep. Buddy is zoned out at the foot of the bed and Harley is on the ottoman at end of the bed. At least now he wants to be in the same room with us. Seems strange just to have one dog in bed with me and I can stretch out my legs without disturbing someone. Thunder sleet and rain

19 February 2016 Friday

Stephen Bolinder came over about 10 to groom Buddy and Coco. Seems strange to only be grooming two dogs. We talked about his sister who had died last week and Daisy. I paid him $90 and made an appointment for the 1^st Monday in May.

20 February 2016 Saturday

Richard Butler wanted to come over to gab today and spent a couple of hours with me. I think he needed to talk about his father in law declining.

·         This evening Jay and Greg wanted to come over and see me and hot tub. They wanted to give their condolences about Daisy. I am glad they were able to see Daisy before she passed. Thank you Edgar Ben Williams for allowing Jay and I to soak in your luxurious hot tub and attempt to comfort you in the aftermath of the death of your little dog Daisy. You are a gem in our gay community and we love you!

·         Edgar Ben Williams Thank you ... It takes so little effort to be kind when the returns are so great ... You both are a comfort to me to care about an old man and his dogs

21 February 2016 Sunday

It was such a beautiful day the earth is stirring so I took a break from the ancient Danforths and I went out and dug up and turned over my garden plot while the soil was damp and easy to dig up. 12 x 16 feet is 192 square feet of clay and compost. Have no idea what I will plant yet. Front yard will be tomatoes and squash of course... maybe corn, cucumbers, and peppers. I give it mostly away but fun to see things grow. Now I am pooped but felt good to do some physical exertion rather than sitting and grieving. Harley was outside with me the whole time. I think he is going to love the yard when spring gets here. Saw a big old fat red squirrel running along my fence. I guess I better get some more sunflower seeds...he and his family has already gone through a huge bag.

22 February 2016 Monday

Gloomy day compared to yesterday. Just worked on finishing up the Danforths from the Middle Ages to William Danforth the first to live a will in 1512. Took Harley to my vet this morning just for a checkup and have the doctor meet him. I thanked his assistant Luis properly for being so kind and concerned about Daisy last Tuesday when I had her put down. Harley is in good shape, healthy, Vet said he stands like a show dog. His front left leg he did say may have been broken a while ago and did not heal property and that is why he doesn't favor it but said it’s all healed and just make sure he's not jumping down on it. So while it was hard going back to the vets so soon at least I have the confidence that Harley will spend may years with me. Buddy is still not impressed

23 February 2016 Tuesday

Richard Butler’s birthday. I caught up on my journal. The letter I wrote to Kyle about Daisy’s death seems to be gone from the computer. It’s been a week to the hour that I held Daisy for the last time. Buddy is doing excellent just had one bad day. They had only been separated 2 weeks since they were born and now three. He and I sleep alone on the bed. Harley is growing more and more to know this is his forever home. I hope Lucky and Daisy are together where ever their energies flew off to. I can't but believe that where love in the universe pools after the star dust drops away, there they are. Such a pretty day to be out grubbing. Cleaned out the leaves on the side of the porch steps where they tend to gather during the winter Then when that was done I cleaned out the herbal garden in the front yard to see what survived and make it pretty for the coming spring when it gets here. My fingers are itching to feel soil under my finger nails. Need to start looking for a rose bush to plant as a memorial for Daisy, not that I will ever need something to remember her by.

·         Jon Michael There is a rose called "New Dawn" it is powdery pink with white tips. One of the most beautiful roses I have ever seen and the smell is incredible.

·         Terrie Williams i love roses. They remind me of Grandpa Williams

·         Charline Wachs Mom always loved her roses. I remember one year we went to the Expedition park in LA and got cuttings from their rose garden to start her rose garden there in Garden Grove.

24 February 2016 Wednesday

My friend Richard P. Butler came over with Miley who I will be doggy sitting while he goes to Texas next month to see his son in law graduate from the Air Force...the other day he took a statue that kids had broken in the front yard that I had for years to fix. More than fix it he made it like new by repainting it. The statue is of St. Francis de Assisi the patron saint of Animals and he repaired it as a memorial for Lucky and Daisy. Supper on the veranda ...Harley liked his gizzards with chopped up Apple... Only Schnauzer I ever had that liked apples... Buddy likes his gizzards without anything fancy I can't help it I have to post guilty dogs... Daisy as a puppy would grab a book haul it out the doggie door and tear it up into hundreds of little pieces... Once came home and she had torn a huge chunk of the stairs carpet! When I told people at work they asked if I was going to get rid of "that" dog... I looked at them like they were crazy. I said if I got rid of anything it would be the carpet... The carpet doesn't greet me and cover me with kisses and wiggles its tail when I come home.

25 February 2016 Thursday

I am such a simple soul...love lying in bed this time of day with the pups and watch the spectrums all over my wall and ceiling from the prism Kent McKay Scadlock and Chuck bought me a couple of years ago... The sun is low enough in the west for the prism to dapple everything in the room with color.  Sometimes you keep things that have no materialistic value but just sentimentality. My Grandma Johnson was a very pious Church of Christ farmers wife who lived out in the middle of nowhere Texas. She had a simple 4 room home, 5 if you count the bathroom, and kept a minimalist house with no frills. When I was a little boy Grandma and Grandpa came out to California one Christmas in the mid 1950's. While visiting Ports of Call, she loved the ocean, she spied a little statuary that tickled her and she was told to rub his head and belly for good luck. I think it was one of the few frivolous purchases she ever made. Made out of concrete she hauled the sitting Buddha back to Texas where it sat as door stopper on her back porch for 40 years. After they both had passed away I went to the farm where I hauled back to Utah some Bric Brac shelves, deer antlers, a cactus from the farm, and the Buddha. I cleaned it up and painted it with acrylic paint once or twice but after 20 years with me its showing deep signs of weathering as I am. My friend Richard Butler said he likes a challenge and said he will try to repair it, Maybe he can make it last as long as I do. In the 17th Century people in position of power and wealth pulled this "divine rights of Kings" crap to equate striving for social and economic justice with rebellion against God... After all if God appoints kings as the Bible declares then sedition is also heresy. Today the Republican party is fostering this notion of "divine rights of Billionaire" that the fascist right promotes with the "gospel of prosperity". The religious ignorant is buying this crap tooth and nail. In America we have NO KINGS, NO ARISTOCRACY OF BIRTH OR WEALTH... Trump, Cruz and Rubio have no concept of democracy as it’s not their heritage...Trump descends from a German slum lord, Cruz from religious fascists, and I don't know what Rubio is but I doubt whether he took a civics class in his life.  Trump is a whore mongering flim flam man who was born into wealth and privilege earned not by working but scamming. Ask Ivanna Trump about his integrity. This is the man the Party of Family Values wants as Fuhrer? If you think paranoid Nixon had an enemy list you ain’t seen nothing yet but keep bickering over who is more progressive, Hillary or Bernie.  Its such Bull Shit that the Republican Senate won’t even consider any one Obama would put forth as a Supreme Court nominee... how far does the GOP vitriolic racist hatred have to go before Americans say enough is enough! Put these men in storm trooper black uniforms and see them for who they truly are.

26 February 2016 Friday

Progress ... at least Harley will join us on the bed now even if he doesn't stay long. At least Harley will stay in the same room with us now but he prefers to sleep more on the ottoman at the foot of the bed rather than with the riff raff. I made a German Chocolate cake today and put in in the freezer for tomorrows movie night. The hot tub was drained, cleaned and refilled. It was a nice day to do it while cleaning up the north side of the deck.  The Republican Party has gone insane... What alternative reality do Republicans live in? Even Lindsey Graham said his party is bat shit crazy...for once I agree with a Republican And the majority of Utahns think these clowns would be a better president than Obama... Republicanism is becoming a mental illness.

27 February 2016 Saturday

I cleaned the house pretty good for company tonight and for Richard and Brenda to bring Miley over to get used to being here. About 6 pm started coming over and the biscuits where just getting one. Michael Romero showed up with Coco and Alan Anderson came with Corkey and Bhani so we had five dogs here tonight. Others who showed up were Andy Dalrymple and Greg Allen and Jay Vallar. Surprised that Robert and Kent didn’t come but later got a text from Kent saying he took a nap and over slept. The Shepard Pie was a bit runny but good just  glad I had biscuits to go with it. Corkey and Coco were cute sitting at the table waiting for a place setting ... The German Chocolate Cake with pecan frosting was tasty. I also made a big garden salad so there was plenty of food. I think everyone enjoyed Fortune and Men’s Eyes.  “If you weren't such a god damn martyr Mona well maybe I could almost like you.”

28 February 2016 Sunday

Doing all the dishes today is not a chore it's a reminder of the joy of having friends over for dinner and a movie... I'd rather have a sink of dishes and the memories that I have friends than a clean house. That's why I always say leave the dishes I will get to them tomorrow... It does help to have them all stacked in the sink... what doesn't go into the dishwasher I do by hand. I prefer soapy water.. it’s a magick faerie ritual and a form of redemption...Go in dirty come out clean... it’s a renewal and new beginning...there's something ritualistic about water and it being a sacred space...kind of like the hot tub LOL. It was pretty enough day to want to head down to Gunnison but I had way too much to do to get ready for tomorrow’s pot luck. I made a batch of chili this morning with some meat I grounded up but either it was old or just off but after I cooked it I was reluctant to serve it so went back to the store and bought another roast and grounded that up and it was much better. I also made a pot of chili verde to use up this pork loin I had bought on sale so I cooked most of the day and went shopping for bowls and plates for the pot luck. Tonight was the Oscars but I didn’t watch a bit of it. I haven't watched the Oscars since Crash stole best picture from Brokeback Mountain. I hold a long grunge. Actually I hadn’t seen any of the films so just didn’t care. Had a funny dream that Harley was a reincarnated medieval man named Sir Harleigh St James de Gressley... May be I am spending too much time in the 13th Century doing family research... Lol ...I bet I must have been his peasant because I am still taking care of him

29 February 2016 Monday and Leap Day.

I wonder if I will be alive to see another in 2020.  I had Bill Poore over for lunch  because it’s been a while since he’s been over to visit Harley or should I spell it Harleigh? He’s too classy to simply be a Harley. I had made Chili Verde yesterday so I fixed him a plate of Spanish Rice and Chili Verde Burritos. He stayed about an hour chit chatting about the same old things, his talk on Quintin Crisp, his family, and Kyle.  I sent him home with the Shepherd Pie left over from Saturday dinner. I guess he gave Chuck Whyte quite a bit of frozen dinners he didn’t want any more. I tried taking a nap but then Kent Scadlock left me a message that he wouldn’t be coming to the pot luck tonight saying he just got home from six and a half hours in an iron infusion chair and he was exhausted. I told him not to worry that I had all the plates and bowls and had a huge pot of chili. After talking to him I thought I better make a batch of corn bread to go along with the chili. I feed the dogs some chicken then headed off to pick up Chuck. We got there about 6 pm and then started setting up. Alan Anderson soon came after that and Michael Romero. It turned out to be a fun evening. We had four kinds of chili, even a vegetarian one, corn breads and enough desserts to send us all in to a diabetic coma. But most of all there were plenty of camaraderie and getting to know one another better. None of Charles Frost compatriot’s showed except David Andreassen but we had about 23 people there with at least 1 new person named Wyatt. A couple including Randy Olsen didn't know it was a pot luck lol. He felt bad but I said there was more than plenty of food. We started off by my asking people to introduce themselves by sharing what song on the radio first made us aware of being Gay or that spoke to us as a Gay men? Out came the nostalgia and that was fun especially since we all recognized the songs people mentioned. Robert apologized for not coming to movie nights but I guess he found himself a boyfriend and has been spending time with him. I said good for you. Well after staying to close up the church I was finally home by 9:00. Next Monday is my turn to lead the meeting.

MARCH

1 March 2016 Tuesday

Beautiful day but haven’t done much except take care of mundane things like paying my insurance for the PT Cruiser of $229 Confirmation Number: HMICOS001869482 and called in my blood sugars because I am being hounded by the pharmacy. As I have been doing every day I’ve worked on the Danforth’s Family and I’m about done with Nicholas Danforth circ 1520 to 1586. It’s been two weeks since I lost sweet Daisy May but I have stopped crying thinking about her and how much pain she suffered at the end. Pet Shop called about 2:30 and said Lucky and Daisy’s cremains were in so I went and brought them home today.

3 March 2016 Thursday

Okay I admit it. I am getting old and need to wear granny gardening gloves. I worked for three hours, snipping and shearing, raking and hoeing, sweeping and shoveling, and moving 50 pound rocks and two fingers on both hands had the skin peel off like blisters. My skin is not as elastic as it once was and getting up from kneeling is no breeze either if I don't have something near me to pull me up but my dad put in two yards at new homes when he was in late 60's and early 70's so I should not complain but I am. I've been taking Harley for walks and Buddy screams like a stuck pig so when I am done with Harley I put a leash on Buddy and we get no further to the corner of my yard before he starts crying and jumping up at me to carry him or go... He’s a nut. Ive noticed that Harley poops every time we walk even though I have a big back yard and a doggie door. He must have learned to do his business while walking. I put another shelf up for Daisy and Lucky. I had to because Oscar, Saffy, Smokey and Priscilla were hogging the space. The German aristocracy thought they could use the little corporal to do their dirty work and then dismiss him... The GOP Brahmans think they can control this little man too but unfortunately they cultivated a class of haters who are looking to lead them to take out their hate on someone anyone. Compare how the GOP eat their own. Can they be trusted at all? What is really sad is that Utah Republican Mormons have to be told that Trump is a joke because they are too stupid to realize it on their own. They have to be told what and how to think since old Flip Flopper Romney has put the knife in Trumps back and it’s not even the Ides of March. All the babes together and when I'm gone mix all their ashes with mine and throw us to the wind so that the Legos that were us will be building blocks for some new creation... Like I need another reason to despise this despicable person.... Jenner has endorsed Ted Cruz for President…Ted Cruz really? Who attended a kill the Gays rally!

4 March 2016 Friday

OMG all Gay guys coupled or not can relate to this if they have a dog... God rewards his Saints by sending them back to earth to be reincarnated as dogs in Gays and Lesbians homes I must have needed the sleep. Slept in to 9:30 which I rarely do with Coco bounding in and jumping in my face at 7:00 a.m. so happy to see me. Can't get mad at that. I bought two rose bushes today. A Mr. Lincoln which is deep red and Pink Perfume which is a coral and very fragrant to memorialize Daisy and Lucky. When more selections are out at nurseries I will look for one a friend of mine who was fostering Harleigh recommended. I am spelling Harley's name Harleigh from now on because he's too much of a gentleman. I was surprised when the UPS man delivered a big box on my doorstep. I hadn't ordered anything but turned out to be a lot of old family photos my cousin Frances Griess sent me from my Uncle RL estate. She figured I’d know who they are since I deal so much in ghosts. LOL Another day of yard work but got my curved parking strip all cleaned out and the Russia Sage all pruned back. Hauling rocks again a little one fell onto the side walk and broke to pieces...it had crystals and obsidian inside it. Looked like an ordinary Rock till it split...pretty...raked and raked leaves in my side front yard and filled a huge trash barrel...tulips I planted last fall are starting to break through...the Goddess is alive and magick is afoot....I am glad I wore my granny garden gloves today because pulling leaves from under rocks I see a big old Black Widow come crawling out...Yikes! I sez Ms Widow don't you be bothering me and I won’t bother you. 3 hours of yard work is enough for any 64 year old man I think... I am so grateful to have a plot of land to grub in and being retired to have time to mess around in the dirt. I don't need to go see the world or to go on cruises...I have my own garden to piddle around in. God had his garden I have mine but mine's better... I have schnauzers and no snakes. Tony Perkins of the anti-Gay hate group said Musicals  are homosexual propaganda LOL In high school I heard that Some Enchanted Evening You Might Meet a Stranger was code for a homosexual hook ups...Baawaaahhhha... Its A Hard Knock Life Mr. Perkins...I'll Do Anything for You Dear... but go back into the closet... Jesus Christ Superstar... you're an idiot or mentally ill. Let me see...hmmm which musicals made me Gay?

 Not in any order my Top 10... South Pacific, Cabaret, La Cage aux Folles, Hair, The Pajama Game, Damn Yankees, Chorus Line, Company, On a Clear Day, and Camelot

5 March 2016 Saturday

Productive day...I planted my two rose bushes, raked out more leaves hiding under shrubs, cleaned my house, fixed a pot of refried beans and made cheese enchiladas and had Chuck Whyte over for dinner so he could meet Harleigh. He's known every one of my pets since Billy Bicatski through all my eight dogs, Oscar, Priscilla, Saffy, Smokey, Daisy, Buddy, Lucky, and Harleigh. Michael Romero brought Coco over too and it was a lovely evening to sit on the Veranda and watch the squirrel scamper around and watch the birds. Two white tail doves were in the back yard on the ground sitting. That would never have been allowed if Daisy was alive but Harleigh and Buddy are my sissy dogs. There will be no Magpie War this year now that Daisy has crossed the Rainbow. I've got a purple spot on my left arm either from a scratch or a bite. It doesn't hurt and is not swelling. If it doesn't go away I will have it looked at Monday... When you get old everything is a cause to worry about LOL...The Grim Reaper comes in many disguises. Why is it that no one on the far right is morally outraged that GOP Presidential candidates talk about their dick size but let a woman breast feed in public and they go bat shit crazy with indignation. Sickos

6 March 2016 Sunday

I spent much of the day transcribing the lyrics for the songs I am sharing tomorrow from Gay Men Aloud. And the rains came. It took thunder and lightning to get Harleigh to get in bed with Buddy and I...eating popcorn and veggie out. Harleigh and I sharing some popcorn safe the storm blowing through the valley. Channel 2 Had a nice feature on Michael Aaron's Same Sex Marriage Expo...I hope people realize what a jewel we have in Michael Aaron.

Salt Lake City saw the biggest increase in the size of its LGBT community as a portion of the total population, moving from 39th place in 1993 to 7th as of 2014 (the most recent available data). Of the 20 cities that saw a positive change in their ranking, 11 were in traditionally red states including Virginia, Kentucky, Louisiana and Texas. Traditionally LGBT-friendly cities like Minneapolis, San Diego and New York saw a drop in their national rankings. According to Consumer Affairs that track census and Gallup Poll data...See community building pays off over the long haul  Hug a graying Gay Activist for his or her vision and yes you're welcome Tired of hearing what a wonderful person Ronald Reagan's 2nd wife Nancy was... When she lands at the Pearly Gates I bet St. Peter will just say NO! She was so cold when she was alive how did anyone know she was dead? I lived in California the 8 years the Reagans destroyed the social network for working people and then saw them be callous about the AIDS epidemic. Ronald's second wife Nancy even wouldn't help Rock Hudson get the drugs he needed to prolong his life... like most Republicans she had no empathy for others unless it hit home...

7 March 2016 Monday

I must be an old person because meeting with my financial advisor to sign up for Medicare... After 28 years losing my Davis School insurance... Nice that they carried me until I am 65, which I will be in April. Brought a dish of Cheese Enchiladas over to Michael Aaron who has exhausted himself in service to the Gay Community...made some batches of cookies for GMA tonight and am meeting Alan Anderson for lunch at Scaddys this great hamburger joint Kent McKay Scadlock brother owns... Finally got my music recorded on a CD for tonight's meeting so busy day... But at least not laid up in the hospital that I heard Jon Bennett is from crashing into a semi... I guess I better see if he can have visitors. I picked up Chuck Whyte for Gay Men Aloud and got there early because I knew I’d be setting up by myself. I did the presentation on Gay Music from the past. We had about 31 people turn out. I was remissive, however, not letting the group know today is Kent McKay Scadlock's birthday while doing announcements.  He was not feeling well any way with taking a Zpack of antibiotics and so had to leave in the middle. Charles Frost was a no show as well as all his cronies and sycophants. One of the songs I played was “I'm Just Wild About Harry” by Al Jolson and that has gotten stuck in my  head.  I hope people  enjoyed learning about music of our Gay forefathers as much as I enjoyed sharing it. Two weeks from now Bill Poore will sharing tales of Quentin Crisp...

I embarrassed to no end that so many people have a completely different vision of America then I do...they embrace the tyranny of wealth propped up by creating distrust of one another and enforced by greedy and power hungry clergymen. That a theocratic Cuban Canadian, a pandering ignorant Cuban American, and a sociopathic con man with n social conscience are the Republican candidates for President is horrifying...do Americans want any of these fools to be commander in chief of the most powerful nation on earth? With access to the red button? It's unbelievable that the Republican Party has pandered to the lowest denominator of people in this country and have unleashed these monsters ...

Michael Aaron I wish I was at least half as sweet as Ben. Phone off. Nap time. Dying.

·         Robert Edward Cross Thank you Ben, your presentation was very educational and enjoyable as well. I appreciate your efforts in our behalf.

·         Kip Swan Thank you Ben! You put a lot of hard work and effort into tonight's group. The information continues to move us forward and onward! Thank you for all of your efforts!

8 March 2016  Tuesday

I cooked up a big kettle of chicken noodle soup for Michael Aaron and Kent Scadlock since they are both sick. However after bottling up some in a mason jar, the jar cracked and broke making a mess. But I had plenty of soup to bottle more but was frustrating. My dad was a police officer in Lubbock Texas when I was a baby. My mom made him give it up when his partner was shot... Went back to farming...crop hailed out...and we left Texas for good and dad worked for wages the rest of his life in California. He had a family to raise. This so true ... Trump isn't the problem it's the people who think he's the solution..,

·         Michael Aaron OMG, I think Ben is a warlock. Such delicious potions. Stood at my counter for 20 minutes slurping down his latest creation. He is a sweetheart.

9 March 2016 Wednesday

Rich Butler wanted to take me to dinner today before he takes off for Texas this Sunday and brought a big pack of chicken thighs over. He took me out to lunch at the East Sea Chinese Restaurant to spend some time together before taking off on a trip to Texas. I am going to be babysitting his dog Miley,

10 March 2016 Thursday

Harleigh slept with me all night still wary that Buddy might murder him in his sleep. I woke with them laying on the bed looking out the bedroom glass door as a rosy tint filled my bedroom. I got up to see an amazing dawn peaking over the Wasatch Mountains...took a picture from my doorstep that faces east. Didn't do it justice but it was gorgeous... Kent Scadlock came over this afternoon to relax in the hot tub and I gave him the rest of the chicken soup to take home because he's fighting a chest congestion. After taking Coco home and feeding the pups I worked in the yard trimming back my barberry bush by my steps. It's 20 years old and needed some serious pruning. Hearts for Paws asked if I'd foster two females a schnauzer and a Laso Apso (sic) 8 and 6 whose owners gave them up. They needed to be together so sometime today I will bring them home...they need to be spaded and they never had their shots and they look raggedy desperately in need of a haircut... So in Daisys memory I have to help these little girls until they get adopted... It's a new day

11 March 2016 Friday

Television has come a long way since Ellen DeGeneres came out as a Lesbian on The Ellen Show... I adore Martha Plimpton anyway so I started watching the Real O'Neals an ABC sitcom...written by Dan Savage about a Gay Teenager growing up in a Catholic family in Chicago... Love it or hate it but how great is it that a Gay teenager's point of view is on mainstream television... In my generation we were invisible or committed suicide if portrayed at all.  At 5:30 I went to Petco in West Valley to pick up some girls that need fostering until they are adopted. However there I waited an hour with the lady from Hearts 4 Paws for the woman who wanted to foster out her dogs but she never showed or sent a text that she was delayed. Some people are really inconsiderate.  Disappointed but kind of relieved.

12 March 2016 Saturday

I Spent much of the day cleaning house and getting ready for movie night. “I hear banjos... Paddle Faster!!!”  I made to crock pots so there were plenty of corned beef and cabbage, carrots and potatoes.  I also made a green cake with toasted coconut and pecans icing that everyone said was tasty. Good food, good wine, and good conversation... Alan Anderson couldn't stay for the movie and Robert and his friend Jeff came just for the movie because they went to the SAGE pot luck. Deliverance was great on the big screen and still held up. Greg and Jay hot tubbed afterwards. I had Alan Anderson, Michael Romero, Andy Dalrymple, Jay Vallar, Greg Allen, and Robert and Jeff over tonight.  Kent Scadlock was still sick and wasn’t up to coming over. It was a fun night. “Y'all got a purty mouth ...” The Utah Republican SOCIALIST Party gives taxer payer money to help corporations... Democrat Socialists give taxer payer money to help people...  Utah Socialists just gave $53 million of money that could have went to the public good to a corporation...dumb ass Republican voters Republicans are traitors to the Utah Constitution but so are the 67 percent who vote for them/ This lesbian comedian Judy Gold rips into Caitlyn Jenner with a vengeance for being against Gay marriage, pro Ted Cruz and thinks Hilary Clinton has done nothing for women...being Trans is one thing but being an idiot is another... While she was working on her mind she should have concentrated on her stupidity. Jenner is no friend of Gays or Feminists. Is she an embarrassment to the trans community? I don't know. Once a country club Republican always a country club Republican ...with or without a penis she doesn't have to be a dick.

13 March 2016 Sunday

Daylight Savings began today… Spring forward. Today is Buddy's and would have been Daisy's tenth birthday. We went for a car ride one of his very favorite thing to do and gave him some doggie bones. Harleigh didn't give him anything except dirty looks. When I see posts that Hillary is dishonest I never read examples of it... I guess if you repeat a lie enough “is it too much to ask of educated people passing around the hot potato of Clinton’s alleged dishonesty to point to an actual instance of it?" Donald Trump fondly remembers the good old days when you could shoot students... “I love the old days you know what they used to do like that when they got out of line? They’d be carried away on a stretcher folks.” I really hate fucking Republicans...some wrong in the head with them... Missing an empathy gene

14 March 2016 Monday

Allergies are kicking in with sneezing and runny nose. I hate taking Sudafed’s but when you have itchy eyes and sneezing like a mad man what's a fella to do? Today is pi day 3.14 so I had a piece of pecan pie and then gave the rest to Michael when I took Coco home.  Took one of those personality traits test and my highest traits were warmth and sensitivity.  My middle traits were Dutifulness, emotional stability, Assertiveness, reasoning,self-reliance, complexity, imagination. My lowest rankings were orderliness, reserve, vigilance, emotionality, and anxiety.  Spending most of my days researching Jonathan Danforth now that I’ve finished Nicholas Danforth.

15 March 2016 Tuesday

Red letter day ... I officially signed up for Medicare... I am an old man This morning I woke up with the cooing of doves and I look out my bedroom glass door and a big old fat white tail dove was sitting on the veranda railing have breakfast with a bunch of other birds from the seeds I put out... there was a light dusting of snow on the ground also.  Then drove to Kaysville to see my financial advisor  Tyler Ferguson at 10 am who walked me through all my options and helped me register since my Davis District insurance is over at the end of the month.... Davis has been good to me all these years... I signed up for the United Health Care plan that ARPP promotes and got the supplemental insurance for hospital and ambulance coverage. It will cost me about $250 a month but it will come out of my social security check. Even Dr. Stoneburner is covered so I don't have to change my doctor I've had for 20 years... Tyler said how lucky I am to have retired when I did with social security and a pension and that the district covered my insurance until I was 65 years old. Brenda Butler, Rich’s wife drooped by around 7:30 to drop Miley off....I will be babysitting him for about 9 days while they are in Texas and he's feeling so lost...he was hiding out in the back yard in the cold and mist so I brought him in and locked the doggy door so he does not go out into the cold and stay out all night ...now he's crying and moanfully howling...it will be a sad night for him I fear... But it will get better...and may be he will trust me... He won't let me pet him or comfort him...I will let him sleep on the couch tonight and deal with any accidents in the morning... before going to bed made a little progress with Miley… he was crying and making a pitiful howl but he let me sit with him without running away and I petted him and comforted him and scratched his belly and shook his paw and told him everything is going to be okay that mama and daddy will come and get him in a little while... Poor little boy ...

·         Bill Poore Poor little thing., has Buddy and Harley been nice to Miley?

·         Edgar Ben Williams Harleigh has ... Buddy still wants to let him know who's the boss.

·         Bill Poore Buddy can be a real prick sometimes.

·         Edgar Ben Williams He's been bullied all his life ... He's a good dog all his old pals are gone.

·         Bill Poore Edgar Ben Williams don’t make me feel bad Ben.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Buddy can be a brat but he's never been a prick 😇

·         Alan Anderson Buddy is a love! Miley is so cute. Corky wants to know if you have him chicken treats?

·         Edgar Ben Williams Yes trying to bribe him so he doesn't feel abandoned

·         Chuck Whyte he has some great markings, he is probably accustomed to being the only dog and has lived where there is less stimuli, not saying that Ben's home is bad he is just not ready for them yet, but with all the loving he will get he will soon be just fine

·         Richard P. Butler I miss my baby. He'll be fine. He has been the only dog but needs a little change to spice up his life.

·         Alan Anderson If anyone can bring him out of his shell, it's Ben. After all, look how Corky came out of his shell. Right, Bill Poore?

·         Bill Poore Corky reminds me of Ted Cruz.

·         Alan Anderson Take that back, Bill!! I am never speaking to you again until you apologize!! Oh wait, he kinda does. Aaargh! No Repugnant in my house!!

·         Edgar Ben Williams Oh yes Corky was a shy delicate flower .... Just like a Venus Flytrap... He came swaggering in pissed on the place and said where's the grub Mac? Then he punked out poor Lucky making him his bitch.... He's like the delinquent boys on Pleasure Island in Pinocchio... Corky would sport a Mohawk if he could...he's the bad boy that we all fall for...

·         Alan Anderson This made me laugh!!

·         Kyle G. Daniels That's my corky smile emoticon

16 March 2016 Wednesday

Beautiful day compared to yesterday.  Mr Fuzzytail the squirrel wants me to get more peanuts and was squeaking on the veranda. Miley slept or at least stayed on the gypsy red couch all night. In the middle of the night he woke me up a few times with his lamentatious howls...so I got up and he and Harleigh shared a chicken hot dog...I laid down with him and petted him and he gave me kisses...the second time he howled went and laid down and hugged him and petted and he gave more kisses...Harleigh went out to comfort him too and to share a half a hot dog...This morning he and Harleigh played some...Buddy is an old man sleeping away on the bed...he doesn't care my old guy... I went shopping today at Dancing Crane and bought some more curtain panels for the hot tub because the other ones were getting pretty raggedy. At DI in Sugar House I found a wooden folding panel just what I was looking for to give me more privacy  around the hot tub so it was a pretty good day. I cleaned off the veranda and the deck. In the afternoon Laurie from Hearts to Paws called me about another dog. So will be fostering another dog maybe if they show up...I will pick him up tomorrow at 130... He doesn't do well with little kids and the home who's fostering now has kids...his name is Max so I will get to play Norma Desmond and holler MAX ! Ms Jenner is taking a lot of flak for supporting Cruz.  Now Jenner is posting as if she is a big supporter of Hilary after just Sunday calling Clinton a fucking liar... Somebody needs to figure out her hormone shots...register as a Democrat and I will believe Jenner had a change of heart and not just freaking out because her show was canceled.  Obama nominated a moderate to the Supreme Court and still the Republicans refuse to even hold a hearing. Then there’s the Bernie Sanders supporters who say they won’t vote if Sanders doesn’t get the nomination. The Republicans don't have to disparage Hilary ... Many Bernie supporters are doing it for them... Let's support Bernie without trashing other Democrats

 

17 March 2016 Thursday

Seth Anderson was supposed to come over this morning to interview for this program at the U of U but he spaced it but I did get my house cleaned so it wasn’t a total wash. In the morning went to the grocery store and also went looking for plants. It’s still a little early but I did buy a nectarine tree at Home Depot for $30.  Its flowering so I know it’s alive. I didn’t have time to plant it because I had to go to Petco in WVC to pick up another dog to foster. He’s a Chihuahua mixed and such a pretty boy named Max. He’s two years old and  very affectionate. Back at the house he got along with everyone especially Miley. Of course Buddy had to tell him the house rules and show him who’s boss. He’s so darling that I told Laurie that if this other couple doesn’t want to adopt him, I will. I think he will be a good addition. My ear was infected again and jaw was hurting so I went to urgency care while I still have my insurance and got some anti biotics. They must have knocked me out because I fell asleep at 6 and slept until and when I woke Max was cuddled up next to me like Lucky used to do and Harleigh was at my feet. Why would people not have a dog if they can possible afford it?

18 March 2016 Friday

Seth Anderson came over about 10 am this morning to interview me for the AIDS archives that the U of U is collecting. He said I was his first interview LOL. It took about two and half hours and I had to sign a release form. Then off to Gourmandase I went to meet up with Kent and Charles Frost at 2:15. Kent called for a meeting about what topics to cover for the next quarter and was concerned about the lower number of attendance. I was probably more snappy then I should but Charles just grates on me and the more I am away from him the more toxic he seems to me. Poor Kent broke a rib and yet still showed up. He suggested that we meet once a month and I nixed that idea. There is no way I want to meet up with Charles once a month and as for the lower attendance it only dropped by about 6 people and for the winter that is not such a big deal and most of them were Charles sycophants so no big loss. I said that quality was more important than quality and if we are building a tribe many won’t feel like the fit.  However I was agreeable for the most part just nodding my head knowing I am going to do what I want to do in June anyway. They wanted to do some intangible topic like how to achieve joy in your senior years… how esoteric is that? How can one define joy? Anyway Charles suggested that I give up one of my days in late June so he could create an Art Festival Event… I said no that he could schedule another day. This is the second time Charles has suggested I give up one of my meetings. This from a man who NEVER helps put up or take down a meeting, never brings refreshments, waltzes in and out without greeting anyone and never attends a pot luck because the reality is that he does all of this not for the group but for recognition.  Anyway at 4 said I had to leave… it was all I could stand and I was only there for Kent who should have never been there in the first place with a broken rib.

19 March 2016 Saturday

Three hours of yard work this afternoon clearing out weeds, old leaves, and digging up an area on the south side to plant vegetables... The best part of doing spring cleaning is seeing what is coming back, what is blooming, and what had died... I love grubbing and delving a little bit like my ancestors did and while I have a plot of land I am going to make it look pretty... I transplanted the purple sage to the south facing part of my front yard.  Gardening, genealogy, historical research, and kissing my pups...I have plenty to do in my retirement. Made my Spring Equinox dessert to celebrate Eostre the goddess of fertility and renewal... Her symbol is the hare (Easter Bunny)... Spring is not until March 20th but a few people gathered for a heart circle tonight so why not enjoy it now?  Store bought banana nut bread or use homemade. Cut into 12 slices...lay six slices in a dish... Spread raspberry jam on the layer of slices,. Slice a ripe banana and layer over the jam...mix instant vanilla pudding up and pour half over the bananas, put down about layer of sliced banana bread...add another sliced banana layer over that the rest of the pudding...cover that with cool whip ( you can sprinkle the bread with rum or pudding )... Drizzle grenadine syrup and dot. With candied cherries Every day I am grateful for my jailbird friend for building me a deck and putting in a hot tub for me especially after a hard day of digging and grubbing...104 degree water feels good on these old bones... Max is such a good boy and a lover...made himself right at home ... Sleeps by my side and barks at all the birds and squirrels... I can't get a good picture of him because he's a young dog and has places to go and things to smell and pee on...This evening at 7 pm I hosted a Heart Circle and Jon Michael Higgins, Greg Allen, and Jay Vallar attended. Jon brought me some tulips and that was sweet. We visited at first and told them a little about radical faeries and the 8 sabbats and magick on the full moon. When we were ready for the circle I invited the guardians of the north east south and west and used a phallus for the talking stick. I think it was a powerful experience for them. We were finished by 8:30 and after Jon left Greg, Jay, and I talked about the medicine cards and Jay shared that he had a spiritual experience that raised goose bumps on his arms. He is probably a shaman. My high school in Garden Grove, California. Senior ...Class of 69... We would chant at sport events and assemblies "69 so fine" over and over and nothing the administration could do about it lol. Rancho High School hats off to thee To your colors true we'll forever be Firm and strong United are we Rah Rah siss kum bah Hats off to Rancho High... Our senior graduation party was held at Disneyland where they closed the park down just for Southern California seniors... I didn't go because spent the evening after graduation with John Cunningham going out for pizza, a movie, and a long stroll on the Huntington Beach pier watching the waves sparkle in the moonlight. We thought we were free with but scary to be on our own...wish I could reach back to that 18 year old and says it's gonna be okay... I am not for compulsory voting but am for making it a day off and people would have to register...there are too many neo Confederates in this country and people who truly care will always vote...I have never missed an election in my life even when only 1 office or 1 issue is on the ballot.  Who Is the Hillary Voter? I know people are wanting change but instead of feeling the Bern they need to get out and vote Democrat, every time and all the time. A president can accomplish little if a congress is not on board... All of Bernie’s ideas are great but where are his supporters in Congress? So many people forget the 2nd branch of Congress is just as important as president...as long as the GOP controls congress it does not matter much who the democratic candidate is... Connell O Donovan wrote Feeling heartened this morning to read in the Salt Lake Tribune that last night only 500 people showed up to Trump's rally here, with almost that many Dump the Trump protesters outside. Meanwhile, the Bern spoke to 14,000 [update: 17,000] people at "This is the Place" Park.

20 March 2016 Sunday

Today is the first day of Spring. I am so ready for Springtime in the Rockies and I decided it would be a good day to head down to Gunnison. I asked Bill Poore if he wanted to go yesterday and he did so he came by at 10 am and. Beautiful day for a road trip so packed up my little bag of quarters grabbed Bill Poore and off we went.  We were on our way after I had to stop for gas first and it cost me $15.00 to fill up ten gallons! It was beautiful day down and we made good time and were there a little afternoon but by the time I was all checked in it was nealry12:30.  I think I surprised Kyle because I didn’t tell him I was coming. I told him about Max and what was going on in my life but had nothing exciting to tell and he said the same that most days in prison is like Ground Day repeating itself. We talked politics and prison reform just stuff to keep him intellectually stimulated, of which he gets so little in prison. I saw the doctor who killed his wife in the bathtub, can’t remember his name but Kyle was cellmates with him for a while. The two hour visit flew by as it always does and when Bill came back to pick me up he had some subway sandwiches and we ate in the Gunnison Park before heading home. I guess the former spokesperson for Subway Jared who’s in prison for pedophilia was attacked a couple of weeks ago. Bill washed my car while waiting for me in Gunnison. Smooth sailing all the way home and it was about 67 degrees but Bill claimed he was hot so ran the air conditioner for him. Didn’t seem hot to me. Dogs were glad to see me and since I didn’t thaw out any chicken thighs they had to eat dog food. Poor babies. Bill left his phone in the car but he said I could bring it to the GMA meeting tomorrow. Today is my mom and dad's 70th Wedding Anniversary... married in Olton, Lamb County, Texas. He was 21 and she was 16... married 58 years until dad passed away. They were good people, better than many. Miley hates me.. I had guys over yesterday and he was all over them kissing them sitting in their laps... me I am Charlie Manson... but he loves Max so he’s happy and eating... I think he thinks I kidnapped him frown emoticon and am holding him for ransom wink emoticon

21 March 2016 Monday

First full day of Spring 2016. Made two blueberry lemon breads and a ginger banana nut sugar free bread this morning so got my baking out of the way this morning for GMA tonight... Banana nut ginger coconut sugar free bread... Hope it tastes as good as it smells ... One more bread still in the oven ... Tooth pick needs to come out clean Max is scrounging around for the remaining dog biscuits that Buddy is too comfortable to move and get them... Max is going to be a television star Wednesday when he goes on Channel 4 pet adoption segment highlighting there are so many Chihuahua mixes that are great dogs Miley and Max are buds, and Harleigh and Coco are pals and old Buddy he's the last of his pack .... All is quiet on the western front at nap time. Well I was the only facilitator at Gay Men Aloud tonight. Kent stayed home with a cracked rib and Charles never showed up. He has showed up for any of my days. Pisses me off and I think in April I will not be there for any of his. Anyway tonight was an entertaining and informative evening about one of the icons of our culture, Quentin Crisp Bill Poore for shared his  anecdotal stories about his dealings with this legend. One of the activities people seem to like is sharing stories from one another... I got out of there by 9 and Chuck Whyte helped me put away and shut down although I did have to ask Adrian Ruiz  to turn the music down they were using to rehearse a dance number for the choir...it was so loud no one could hardly hear each other socialize. David Andreassen asked me where was Charles Frost...I said I didn't know but he commented that he wasn't there last time nor at the chili potluck... Oh well... We made 21 dollars tonight... Mentioning the donation box helps.

22 March 2016 Tuesday

Rain storms was  pounding us in the Westpointe Jordan River District aka known as Marmalade West this morning and then it began snowing and blowing when yesterday it was almost 70... welcome to Spring time in the Rockies... the warm interludes makes you want to go out and plant but experience says not until after Mother's Day except for pansies hardy little bastards. I love them. This morning it started snowing turning it into a very chilly and damp day.  Although it did clear up the caucuses this evening. One of my little darling thought the bedroom rug was a better place to poop than out in the snow and I know it wasn't Buddy.... and they are now all asleep acting so innocent and angelic... oh well poop happens . It’s a good day to stay inside and bake cookies and have the house smelling aromatic with lemon or cinnamon...I hate these retirement decisions. LOL  It is heart wrenching that Brussels was hit by several in retaliation for capturing one of Paris Bombing suspects... Three or 4 Mormon missionaries based in Paris have been seriously injured in the Brussels attacks. I fear something like that happening here that will propel Donald "I know good words I know the best words" Trump into the White House.

Well Utah's Democrats couldn't have done a better job at disenfranchising seniors and the disabled if they tried... And which demographic is more pro Hilary Clinton? Went to vote at Rose Park at 6 pm put the line of people was way out to Sterling Dr so I went to Smiths thinking line would get shorter once people were allowed in but at 615 line stretch way out to 13th west ... I never saw such a mass of people waiting to vote and never in my life in Utah have I ever had to wait longer than 15 minutes to vote ... Sorry at my age I am not standing in line an hour to vote... Knowing the west is a Democratic stronghold poor decision to just have one school to vote at Well it's after 7 line has gone down but still would take at least a half an hour to get in and all the streets in a two block radius is filled .... Haven't seen lines like this since I worked at Disneyland... So I am giving up... And will vote in November when things are back to Normal ... This was a great way to discourage senior Hilary supporters from voting intentionally or not. Well I feel like I have been disenfranchised by people with stronger bladders than me... After my last rant went to the Rose Park library down the street to browse and wait but at 7:30 there were still a huge line and I don't know how they will accommodate all those people by 8:30... Even if I had stood in line all this time I know my bladder would have thrown a fit and what would I do cut in line of hundreds so I could use the bathroom in the school or piss myself before making it back to car... This is not how democracy is supposed to work... I only hope it's been worse on the Republicans but I doubt it .... With all my old man bitchiness proud of so many Democrats coming out to do their civic duty and now if we could get them to do this every time.

·         Bill Poore They all are voting for Bernie....the Democratic Party screwed this up big time....They totally underestimated the numbers that would vote today. And had far to man voting sites....The party is who organized the caucuses, got the people etc. not the Lt Gov.

23 March 2016 Wednesday

I was up at 4:30 a.m. so I wouldn't over sleep to get Max down to KUTV Channel 4’s station by 5:20 for him to go on TV because its National Puppy Day. Laurie asked if I’d take Max down because she wanted to show case him to let people know not all Chihuahuas are little barky dogs. I said I would bring Max down as part of my fostering agreement to show off Max. Max and I will go back to bed when it's over lol didn’t have to go on TV but it made me realize how much I was attached to him and didn’t want anyone else to take him from me. Hilary Clinton and Bernie Sanders... How many "feel the Bern" and it's a new revolution folks will continue to turn out to keep the White House and drive Republicans back to minority status? Hilary 1621 Bernie 927 delegates as of today....you need 2383 to win the nomination.... I am reading lots of voices from the Utah Democratic Party leaders how excited they are about the thousands of new voters who turned out and yet I hear no apologies to the seniors and disabled who have turned out for decades to vote Democrat who were disenfranchised by the debacle of a 2 and a half hour caucus... I hear lots of blame the Republicans and no "we are sorry" for the physical impediments placed to prevent seniors and others from voting... I thought we were the party of inclusion not just the young, healthy, and able...the more they talk how important it was to vote the madder I get... When will the Party leadership admit they blew it... Were there not any high schools that can accommodate thousands available rather than elementary schools that are built to accommodate about 500.

·         Charline Wachs No surprise here. You were hooked from the minute he climbed in to bed. He knew he would have a good home with you. I am happy for you and your home of the barking dogs.

24 March 2016 Thursday

I let Hearts 4 Paws know that I want my house to be Max's forever home. I think Max has adopted me and he is so sweet to the other pups even old grumpy Buddy. I will pay the adoption fee and sign the papers this Saturday afternoon. He will be my Easter present to me.

Guess cars parked up in the Avenues for Tuesdays joke of a primary were all ticketed because they parked in no parking areas because there were no parking up there for the hundred who showed up to park. The struggle is not between a Clinton or Sanders presidency it's between Republican insanity and Democratic reason... If you stay home and not vote blue ... You are complicit in fascism taking over this country. This is an important read especially by Clinton haters but doubt if they will...posting it anyway because I am sick of the double standard applied to her... And that I wasn't able to vote on Tuesday ... This is just one paragraph from an excellent read...it's more than a sound bite “ How privileged do you need to be to imagine that it’s a good idea to risk the actual lives of vulnerable Americans because you “hate” Clinton so much that you vow to stay home if Sanders doesn’t get the nomination? How protected from the consequences of a Trump presidency do you need to be to think your hatred of Clinton constitutes, as I saw someone say earlier this week, an “inviolable principle,” meaning that it’s more important than the lives of vulnerable Americans?”

25 March 2016 Friday

The critters are coming out of their winter slumber and things are beginning to bloom... The call of the lute says “arise....enjoy the rites of Spring. Finished finally the biography I wrote for Captain Jonathan Danforth.  It’s over 31 pages and had to cut it up in to 5 sections to post it on the Danforth Family FB page I created.  Spent some of the day cleaning home and baking for tomorrow’s dinner. The front runners in the Republican Presidential race are now calling each other wives sluts.  These are the caliber of people that Republicans want negotiating with world leaders, as commander in chief of the military with the finger on the bomb, to set national policies...two sociopaths with no empathy for the poor and down trodden... Shame on you Republicans...your core values are rotten to the core and so un-American...it's not why we fought WWII, the Civil War, and the Revolutionary War ... If Moses and his privileged Levite Priests could decree in Leviticus 25:44 "As for your male and female slaves whom you may have: you may buy male and female slaves from among the nations that are around you." And then write that homosexuality is a sin and homosexuals should be put to death....it says more about a male dominant patriarchy based on wives, children, slaves, animal chattel as property then it does about the will of God 3000 years ago. Ted Cruz wants us to live under these same laws. But cherry picking which laws to follow according to modern prejudices. If I advocated enslaving Canadians and Mexicans based on Biblical law people would think me a lunatic but it's perfectly acceptable to promote hatred of homosexuals and wish them put to death... It's in the Bible.

26 March 2016 Saturday

It was a pretty busy day today what with adopting Maxx and getting the house cleaned for my movie night. It was a fun day but now I am pooped... Today Miley's vacation was up and he's finally is trusting me. I think he was  resigned that he was never going home so he might as well make the best of it... He's a sweet dog but blamed me for his woes... He's full of kisses this morning for Buddy but alas not for me.. Lol I had to clean house and mop floors that were pretty scroungy from five dogs tracking in mud from the snow earlier this week for my guests this evening.  I layered my Easter cake with strawberries and toasted coconut over a cream cheese frosting and made a dozen deviled eggs before going at 11: to Petco in West Valley to meet Laurie Epperson. She dropped the fee for Maxx to $160 but I gave her $200 for all she does. The place was hopping and later I heard 7 pups were adopted in all today besides Maxx. I came home and told Richard Butler he could come over to pick up Miley. I guess they got in yesterday. Miley was so excited when Rich came to pick him up... He stayed until 1:30 and I know there was more he wanted to share about his trip but I wasn’t too responsive because of all I still need to accomplish. I prepped a lot yesterday but I still had rooms to clean. Alan Anderson dropped over early about 5:30 with treats for the dogs so at the point I finished what I could do and started setting out plates and bowls for dinner. I baked a honey mustard glazed ham, potatoes au gratin, steamed asparagus, candied carrots and bread rolls. I put out the strawberry coconut cake I made yesterday also. I had way too much food for the people that came. Kent Scadlock canceled again but he just had some teeth pulled and he was still out of it and Michael Romero never showed up that kind of surprised me and he never answered my texts. So it was just Alan, Jay Vallar, Greg Allen, and Andy Dalrymple but at least there was pretty to eat. After dinner we went to the movie room and watched Tootsie which I hadn’t seen in years.  It held up pretty well even though it's a 35 year old movie now. When the movie was over Alan went home and Greg and Jay hot tubbed and I entertained  Andy until they all left about 10:30. So I had an early Easter dinner with friends and watched a movie on the big screen. Everyone loved Maxx when they met him and he loved everyone. Alan Anderson brought a boat load of doggy biscuits... I am spelling Maxx with two x's because he’s excellent squared.

·         Kent Scadlock Ben, I probably won't make it tonight. I feel like a walking disaster! I had a tooth pulled and a temporary bridge done yesterday and I'm not going to be the best company. I didn't think those procedures would put me down like they have. It's probably incident to my old age. Congratulations on adopting Max.

27 March 2016

Easter Sunday

I had a restful and enjoyable Easter. This morning I hear a thud on the deck and my squirrel Buddy had knocked the bird bowl off the ledge. It was even weighed down by a heavy flat stone...I guess he's enjoying an Easter breakfast of sunflower seeds... I put some peanuts out later for his family.  I finished Captain Jonathan Danforth [1628-1712] life story and now I am working on his son Samuel Danforth but I had diarrhea for some reason much of the morning so I laid down for a quick nap. I must have been super tired for I took a nap that ended up being two hours. But feel rested now. Saw how Charles Frost posted that he will be in San Diego on April 4^th and won’t be here to run Gay Men Allowed as he is suppose to and Kent Scadlock is going in for oral surgery so I guess its up to me again. I was kind of worried about Michael and Coco since they didn’t come over for dinner and a movie yesterday and he never responded to my messages so I ran a Easter dinner plate over to him and he said Coco was sick last night and he stayed home with her. I fixed three plates of scalloped potatoes, asparagus, candied carrots, and ham for  Michael, Bill Poore, and Chuck Whyte because I had so much left over from last night. I also gave Michael and Bill the last of the Strawberry Coconut cake. I didn’t give Chuck any because of his diabetes.  I brought the hounds with me into city and met Bill in the Smith’s parking lot like I do… there my phone stopped working and I hope it just needs a charge. How attached we are to them. I took Chuck home from Smith’s because he was there shopping and he met Maxx for the first time. It was crowded but gave Chuck a ride home.  Back at my place I cut off the meat from the ham bone and I still have plenty of ham left over for breakfast, sandwiches, and soups. I boiled up the hambone to get the meat off of it. I served the pups roasted chicken thighs. I cook them for two hours and the roasted meat just falls off the bone. Well I didn’t get any chocolate bunnies or jelly beans as if I needed them. Easter is one of my favorite holidays I guess from all the family picnics and Easter egg hunts the Williams Danforth clan used to have. I remember finding the goose egg when I was probably 3 or 4 at Grandma's house in Downey. It was bigger than the rest so I won a chocolate bunny. In those days they were solid and not waxy chocolate lol.

28 March 2016 Monday

29 March 2016 Tuesday

Cocoa and Maxx were wound up this morning wrestling all over the bed with Buddy telling them to calm down... Good to see Coco so active... Having a young dog has its advantages keeping the older ones active but jumping over me at 7 am while they are romping is another thing entirely and now I am awake and everyone is back to sleep but me...Nothing like homemade split pea soup and crusty bread on a chilly spring rain day... Made with left over Easter ham...I boil the hambone down to a consommé then use it in soups... Ham and bean soup tomorrow... The Country Club Republicans made a deal with the devil to stay in power 40 years ago with their Southern Strategy and climbing in bed with Christian Dominionist who want to turn the United States in a theocracy where the constitution is subservient to the Bible...well the monsters they created want a racist homophobic misogynist gun worshipping and Bible supremacy nation and they are crawling out from under every rock to support a con man who is probably a sociopath and a Christian Dominionist who it is doubtful he is even legally eligible to be President as commander in chief of this nation... This mess is a GOP creation and finally its backing up out of the conservative's sewers and soiling America's reputation....Obama’s response to Ted Cruz wanting to have a stronger police presence in Muslim neighborhood “Cocoa and Maxx were wound up this morning wrestling all over the bed with Buddy telling them to calm down... Good to see Coco so active... Having a young dog has its advantages keeping the older ones active but jumping over me at 7 am while they are romping is another thing entirely and now I am awake and everyone is back to sleep but me...

Actress Patty Duke died at the age of 69 years. A great actress and a lovely person...RIP

·         Dear Kyle,       I hope you;,. are well. I know this letter is well over due. I am sorry I haven’t been good at writing you lately. I’ve been writing and researching so much on genealogy that time just escapes me or I am just so drained from writing that it’s all I can do to fall into bed.  The biggest news I guess is that I adopted another dog, a Chihuahua mix, about the same size as Coco, the Saturday before Easter. He’s blond palomino color with a white arrow shape spot on his forehead, along curly tail and all his paws are white. He also has greenish eyes and a pink nose. About two weeks ago this woman I got Harleigh from asked if I’d foster a dog. It was kind of an emergency situation so I said yes. You know I favor schnauzers so I didn’t think I would get attached to this little guy but he made himself right at home, was great with the other dogs, and even slept by my side the first night.  Some other people had looked at him but after they never showed any more interest I told the lady I wanted to keep him. He had attached himself so much to me that I wasn’t going to have him shuffled around anymore and that this was going to be his permanent home.  He’s a very friendly dog, not possessive at all, and likes people though the reason the Humane Society asked the woman to take him was because he had “behavior problems” that made him hard to adopt out…Well if he did he’s never shown anything but kisses and being sweet here.  His name was Max and I decided to keep his name although I spell it Maxx. The entire time I was fostering Maxx I was also babysitting a dog for my friend Rich Butler so I had Buddy, Harleigh, Coco, Maxx, and Miley for almost 10 days and that kept me really busy too. Miley went home the day I adopted Maxx. The adoption fee was $160 but I gave Hearts 4 Paws $200 because they rescue and find homes for unadoptable dogs like old dogs although Max is only 2 so hopefully one day you will meet him. I had a restful and enjoyable Easter, how was yours? I actually had Easter dinner the Saturday before when I cooked a ham, scalloped potatoes, asparagus, candied carrots, and rolls and invited some friends over to eat dinner and watch a movie in the theater room. I made a Strawberry Coconut cake too that people seemed to devour.  Easter Morning though I heard a thud on the deck and my little squirrel buddy had knocked the bird bowl off the ledge. It was even weighed down by a heavy flat stone... He likes dumping it on the deck.  I later put peanuts out for his family and it’s fun to watch them scamper in the trees and try and get the nuts before the dogs realize they are there.  My iPhone died on Easter Sunday and I don’t think it’s getting resurrected. The screen stays blank even though I know it’s charged because I hear it ring and all but because the screen is black I can’t use my password to get into open up the phone. I replaced it with a Samsung that I am now trying to figure LOL . It has a much bigger screen. Still pissed at Charles Frost and realizing more and more that I don’t like his phony ass. He posted to me and Kent that he will be in San Diego on April 4th so he won’t be in town to run Gay Men Allowed as he is supposed to do in April and Kent Scadlock our other facilitator  is going in for oral surgery so I guess it’s up to me again.  His sycophants only come to the meetings if he is leading it. Our last meeting I had my friend Bill Poore talk about his relationship with Quentin Crisp which was excellent, but none of Charles people came because he wasn’t leading it.  I like Bernie Sanders but I am fed up with his supporters who say they will not vote if he is not the Democratic nominee. The struggle is not between a Clinton or Sanders presidency it's between Republican insanity and Democratic reason... If people  stay home and not vote blue ... They are complicit in corporate fascism taking over this country. I am sick of Clinton haters and  I am sick of the double standard applied to her.  I read this in an article and I so agree with it. “ How privileged do you need to be to imagine that it’s a good idea to risk the actual lives of vulnerable Americans because you “hate” Clinton so much that you vow to stay home if Sanders doesn’t get the nomination? How protected from the consequences of a Trump presidency do you need to be to think your hatred of Clinton constitutes, as I saw someone say earlier this week, an “inviolable principle,” meaning that it’s more important than the lives of vulnerable Americans?” Well the front runners in the Republican Presidential race are now calling each other wives sluts. LOL These are the caliber of people that Republicans want negotiating with world leaders, as commander in chief of the military with the finger on the bomb, to set national policies...two sociopaths with no empathy for the poor and down trodden. I’d say shame on you Republicans if I thought they had any shame... If Trump and Cruz embody Republican Core values then their values are rotten to the core and so un-American. What both those goobers stand for are not the reason Americans fought WWII, the Civil War, and the Revolutionary War ... The Country Club Republicans made a deal with the devil to stay in power 40 years ago with their Southern Strategy and climbing in bed with Christian Dominionist who want to turn the United States in a theocracy where the constitution is subservient to the Bible...well the monsters they created want a racist homophobic misogynist gun worshipping and Bible supremacy nation and they are crawling out from under every rock to support a con man who is probably a sociopath and a Christian Dominionist who it is doubtful he is even legally eligible to be President as commander in chief of this nation... This mess is a GOP creation and finally it’s backing up out of the conservative's sewers and soiling America's reputation....  Some of his top campaign managers are bailing on Trump now that he actually might take the Republican nomination. Stephanie Cegielski  his top strategist has turned defector and wrote an article yesterday  that Trump doesn't really want to be President but his ego is too big now to step aside. She wrote “Almost a year ago, recruited for my public relations and public policy expertise, I sat in Trump Tower being told that the goal was to get The Donald to poll in double digits and come in second in delegate count. That was it.  The Trump camp would have been satisfied to see him polling at 12% and taking second place to a candidate who might hold 50%. His candidacy was a protest candidacy. Last summer, I signed on as the Communications Director of the Make America Great Again Super PAC. It was still early in the Trump campaign, and we hit the ground running. His biggest competitor had more than $100 million in a Super PAC. The Jeb Bush deep pockets looked to be the biggest obstacle we faced. We seemed to be up against a steep challenge, especially since a big part of the appeal of a Trump candidacy was not being influenced by PAC money.  don't think even Trump thought he would get this far. And I don’t even know that he wanted to, which is perhaps the scariest prospect of all.  He certainly was never prepared or equipped to go all the way to the White House, but his ego has now taken over the driver's seat, and nothing else matters. The Donald does not fail. The Donald does not have any weakness. The Donald is his own biggest enemy.” Even bat shit crazy Anne Coulter is starting to say Trump is mental and that says a lot if that cuckoo can recognize it too.  But then there’s delusional Canadian born Eduardo Rafael Cruz, who wants to enforce Christian Sharia law in America to expedite the Apocalypse, instead of upholding  the rational and secular values of the Constitution. If he had his way America would have Christian Ayatollahs and a Saudi like morality police. What part of the Bible would be enforced and which would not?  If Moses and his privileged Levite Priests could decree in Leviticus 25:44  that it’s okay to own slaves "As for your male and female slaves whom you may have: you may buy male and female slaves from among the nations that are around you." And that homosexuality is a sin and homosexuals should be put to death, which one would Cruz enforce? Those passages says more about a male dominant patriarchal society from 3000 years ago, that was based on wives, children, slaves, and animal chattel as property, then it does about the will of God. If Ted Cruz wants us to live under these same laws, will adultery be punished by death? People forbidden to divorce…Eating ham, shrimp and shell fish forbidden. Women’s menses considered unclean. You can bet they will cherry pick which laws to follow according to their prejudices. If I advocated enslaving Canadians and Mexicans based on Biblical law, people would think me a lunatic, but it's perfectly acceptable to promote hatred of homosexuals and wish them put to death because it’s in the Bible. Either way a Ted Cruz or Donald Trump presidency would be an unprecedented disaster for America’s domestic and foreign policies. And don’t get me started on the Republican lunatics in the Senate. Talk about your “enemies domestic and foreign”.   Republicans have sunk so low as to obstruct every principle of the preamble of the Constitution. WE the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish JUSTICE, [won’t review a Supreme Court nominee] insure domestic TRANQUILITY [in the pocket of the NRA the merchants of death], provide for the common DEFENSE [ supporters of a permanent war status], promote the general WELFACE [destroying safety nets of working people and the poor], and secure the Blessings of Liberty [denying people the right to vote controlling people’s private lives] to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. Well I will get off my soap box now and try to get this posted. I promise to get back on track about writing. As I ever was or ever will be Your friend Ben

30 March 2016 Wednesday

I have a new phone and wasn't able to up load contacts...if you want me to have your number send me a text message with your name and number and I'll add you...if you don't have my phone number message and I'll send it to you. Anyone who lives on the west side Food Savers on Redwood and 700 north has jalapeño bacon on sale for 59 cents marked down from $6... It's spicey but a deal...they have a sale but bet it will go fast...whole fryers are 59 cents a pound so one went in the freezer for roasted chicken... Just a heads Real men don't eat Quiche...thank God I'm not a real man because I just made two...lol portobello mushrooms, orange bell peppers, onions, sauté with jalapeño bacon, sour cream milk, eggs, Swiss cheese, cheddar, nutmeg, salt, white pepper, and paprika... Gave one to Michael Romero for going with me to get a new phone and finding me a deal... And yes I made the crust from scratch... Also made some ham and bean soup in case the real man inside me decides to pop out and says "Dude" I might be out of the closet but Harleigh is back in...I put the doggy bed that TJ and Jim gave in my bedroom closet with his favorite blankets and he sleeps there all night... No more sleeping in the front room... He must have been caged in one of his homes so he feels safe and secure snuggled up in the closet...unlike Buddy and Maxx they have to be right by my feet or side... Maxx sure is getting attached to Coco...they play all day and when I took Coco home and gave her to Mike Max jumped out the window to follow her into Mikes place...I guess I better keep my windows up higher... He just wanted to see where Coco lives I guess...

31 March 2016 Thursday

Having a light lunch with Bill Poore . Today is my official last day of any connection with Davis School District...they carried my insurance until today because in April I will be 65 and on Medicare ... Started in 1988 ... They were good to me and I did my best for them...Bill Poore bought me a Hilary cap and t-shirt to wear...I will probably be lynched by Republicans and Bernie supporters here in Utah ... But I can't wait to hear the words Madam President... I love Bernie’s heart but I love more Hilary being smart in this dangerous world... Hilary scares the shit out of Republicans and is hated by Bernie Cult followers...that is good enough for me...time for a progressive woman to be President and to have Bill be First Ladies Man... 😇 I love the Clintons and always will...For 28 years never missed a day without showering now that I am retired... I have the think...did I shower this morning? Sign of getting old is you don't care lol

I think April Showers are a day early...it's pouring over here in the Jordan River District of Salt Lake City Marmalade. Today would have been my Grandma Williams' 112th birthday...still miss her and the talks we had. A longtime friend posted he was doubting about voting at all in Novembers election if Bernie doesn't get the nomination...it stunned me because this person is pretty bright but incredibly short sighted... I posted the following "It is white privilege to think a Trump or Cruz Presidency would not affect you... They will harm the most vulnerable people in America and will either bring about corporate absolutism or a rigid theocracy... A republican presidency will throw the court to a 5 to 4 conservative majority which will roll back all the safety net programs that Democrats have put into place for the last 70 years... They will roll back every gain made by Gay people by institutionalizing Religious Liberty laws, minorities will face tougher voting restrictions, women control of their own bodies will be eroded, international confidence in American leadership will vanish, two mentally unstable people will have access to nuclear weapons...can you seriously hate Hilary Clinton that much that any of the above doesn't scare the shit out of you? I have no issue with Bernie supporters but I have strong reservation about people who will not vote if their person doesn't get the nomination... It's unpatriotic, it's un-American and its unconscionable to ruin the lives of millions for petulance ..."If any of my FB friends are considering not voting Democrat in the fall no matter who is nominated ... UNFRIEND ME NOW... You are no friend to me if you plan on harming my friends, family, and people...When it comes down to it Hilary Clinton is just being slandered by people who just have a problem with strong women....these are the things she is promoting...how is Bernie much different? And how different are they that Bernie Supporters would not vote for her? If you don't believe that Trump and Cruz is against all of these... Then sorry you are an idiot...

 Alzheimer's disease cure by 2025

 Campaign reform ending citizen united

 Deal with campus sexual assault

 Making America the clean energy leader in the 21st century

 the New College Compact to make education affordable without burdensome debt

 Criminal Justice Reform and Prison reform

 Expand disability rights

 Early childhood education for all children

 End wage inequality and expand minimum wage

 Gun violence solutions and prevention

 Expanding the Affordable Care Act and health care a basic human right

 More funding for HIV and AIDS

 Immigration reform with pathways to citizenship

 Repairing and supporting our infrastructure

 More funding for K-12 education

 Supporting strong labor unions and being an advocate

 Supportive of LGBT equality

 Promote American manufacturing

 Strong on national security not an isolationist

 Paid medical and family leave

 Racial justice enforced

 Support for rural communities and farmers

 Support for small business owners

 Preserving and strengthening social Security and Medicare

 Treatment and prevention of substance abuse

 Keeping commitments to veterans and those in the armed forces

 Keeping and strengthening the Voters Rights Bill

 Regulate Wall Street

 Promoting women's rights and equality

 Providing training for America's workforce

·         Chuck As the kids that you taught over the years, becomes older , I am positive that they will remember you from time to time, I remember many times that you shared making an art project or seeing a video about something they learned, you always put the human touch in your teaching, the kids will remember the type of teacher you were , you will have a connection with Davis for a longtime into the future

·         Edgar Ben Williams Had a dream I was with people hunting buried treasure but couldn't read the coordinates so I said well you have to walk before you climb and we found the treasure... 5th grade math lessons come in handy when finding treasure lol

·         Bill Poore You didn’t mention any of this, you just yelled at me for saying " IF I was a Republican that I would vote for Trump over Cruz......you just seemed to not hear the word IF I was Republican....Oh by the way I don’t think you did shower today. sunglasses emoticon

·         Edgar Ben Williams I need some guy to come shower with me to make sure that I am - if i was a Republican does not count it's like saying if I was mass murder I'd be Hitler over Stalin --- if I was a serial killer...I'd be Charlie Manson over Jack the Ripper...

·          Chuck Whyte You just want someone to hold you upright not necessarily get you upright......just go to Lowes and get some safety bars, you will save money in the long run, LMAO