APRIL
1 April 2006 Saturday
April fools day I drove 70 miles
through a rain storm and another 50 in a snow storm to get to
2 April 2006 Sunday,
Richard Butler wrote me: Brenda
and I are trying to book reservations for Friday evening April 28th
(early around 5:00 - 6:00 P.M.) at a lace in downtown where we all can go eat
dinner together. We thought it would be nice to get all of "my"
friends together for dinner the night before the wedding. We found a neat place
called Orbits Cafe. All of my out of state friends and family will be coming.
Let me know via e-mail so we can get it set up. Thanks, We both look forward to
seeing everyone again (especially all
together in the same place) It should be fun! Richard I wrote Richard Butler: I don't know about
Mike but I will come to your pre-wedding dinner at the Orbit. Did you know the Orbit use to be near the
location of SLC"s stockade where all the prostitutes in the 1910's had to
be located LOL Ben
3 April 2006 Monday,
Tim Keller wrote me: Hi Ben,
Sorry we missed you Sunday morning. We
wish you had been able to stay a bit longer but we understand you had a long
drive ahead of you. Thank you for leaving your presentation materials. Matthew
was particularly interested and is making copies for those that want them. Also, Matthew, Jay Dee and a few others have
expressed interest in emailing you with some questions and what not so with
your permission I will give them your address. Thanks again for coming up and
helping us out. Tim I wrote "Tim Keller" You can certainly pass
out my email. BTW I was a good boy and didn't climb into anybody's bed although
Tim the marine was in jeopardy. LOL It was a beautiful trip home and I wish I
would have stayed longer. You guys in
4 April 2006 Tuesday
Monday was a beautiful day along
the Wasatch Front and except for I-15 being shut down in Davis County because
of falling porta-potties it wasn't a bad day. Certainly ready for a spring
break and I told Mom I would come down to Vegas this weekend. I am planning on
taking Priscilla with me. I think I am
more concerned about Smokey becoming homeless more than I am about kicking Mike
out. Melanie Bailey called me when I got home from work wanting something for
the new Radio program on KRCL for this week in history . She said she had to
have it within a half hour. So I looked
up some stuff for her but said it would be nice to have more then a few minutes
warning. She wants to do a weekly sign
off on the program with a Gay moment in history. Michael Aaron finally gave us
a deadline schedule so don't have to write something at the last minute, unless
I want to.
5 April 2006 Wednesday
Allergies are kicking in. It must
be Spring! I know I am a whiner but DLS time is a drag. But will adjust soon. I
hope. Larry Miller came clean about not
liking homo's, master criminal Tom DeLay is resigning, and troops are dying in
6 April 2006-9 April 2006
No entries
10 April 2006 Monday
Happy Birthday to me. Spent my
birthday with my Mom for the first time in probably 20 years. My sister
Charline, her husband, Dennis Wachs, mom and I went to Boulder Station in Las
Vegas for Mexican food. It was good to
visit but good to be back home.
11 April 2006 Tuesday
Finally got rested from my quick
trip to Vegas. Priscilla slept most of the day too. I wanted to do yard wok but
it was rainy much of the morning and a pretty cool day. Went and had what few
hairs I have left cut. I go to this 70 year old barber because I like a barber
not a stylist. Bought myself a small
cake for my birthday. How pathetic is that? LOL Watch the last episode of
Season four of OZ and got to see cut Luke Perry in all his naked glory. OZ has
a lot of full frontal male nudity that makes up for all the killing and
violence. I went to the Men's Support Group that meets at the Gay Community
Center the 2nd Tuesdays. Its facilitated by Gary Hornkamp from
12 April 2006-15 April 2006
No entries
16 April 2006 Sunday Easter
Happy Easter Day everyone. Hope
you got out and enjoyed the beautiful if windy day. Mike's been gone since last Tuesday when I
returned from Vegas. The neighbors said he took off for So.
17 April 2006 Monday
No entry
18 April 2006 Tuesday
100 years ago this morning
19 April 2006-22 April 2006
No entries
23 April 2006 Sunday
Busy week and I am sitting here
with itchy eyes. Allergies Yuck. Went to
a QSL meeting over at Michael Aaron’s last Thursday. He had pizza so I so
there. I wrote another article in lieu
of the Wolf Szmuness one because it was too long for a column. Wrote about
Sodomy in
·
My Aunt Marie wrote me: Talked to your mom
yesterday. She seems to be doing
well. I guess Charlene and Dennis will
be moving across the street. That should
be a good arrangement. Now you won't
have to worry so much about her being alone.
I hope that sometime they can drive over and bring June with them. I hear you are getting a new dog this next
month. What Kind?? If I had fencing in the back and grass I
would love to have a dog but it just isn't good the way I have it. Oh well Carlos and I get along pretty good. I
guess you will be winding down for another summer. Only about 5 or 6 weeks to go. I am going to have a cruise this next
December if everything goes okay. I wish
your mom was well enough to go with me.
Well take care and write when you have the time....Love Marie
24 April 2006 Monday
No entry
25 April 2006 Tuesday
Grumpy old man here. After I got
home from school my neighbors were fit to be tied over Jr. High Students
trashing their yard and mine as they leave school everyday. They hang out in
groups in front of our houses, break sprinklers, bust light fixtures, break
branches, and litter our yards with trash.
My neighbors and I work really hard to keep our yards up and its getting
to the point we are more then frustrated.
Went over to the school to see the principal but she was not in so we
left our names and demanded a meeting. I
sent an strongly worded email to the principal, to our city councilman, and to
the
26 April 2006-29 April 2006
No entries
30 April 2006 Sunday
So ends my birthday month. I
turned 55 years old. Old is the operative word. Don't give me that crap that
you are as young as you feel. Its more like you are as old as those your feel. Wednesday
I reconnected with Mark Swanson as we went over to Chuck Whyte’s' to help him
move furniture so he can have his house painted. Several Court members and
friends were over also. I am afraid I
was a little snappy with Chuck because I wasn't feeling well myself and later
in the week I've had some type of stomach virus and have been feeling
listless. Mark and I commiserated over
the sad state of our relationships with our partners. Been upset with my
neighborhood Jr High this week for letting the kids loiter in our yards. My
neighbor finally got a hold of the school's truancy officer and he just
recommended we call the police every day. What a way to have to live. He told
my neighbor that 260 kids at the school have been referred to juvenile
detention because of serious infractions.
The school has 950 students so nearly a fourth have caused trouble even
at the school so loitering and tearing up our yards is the least of their
problems. I suppose the good news is 3/4
of them aren't trashing everything. Observation I see the white students
carrying pack packs and book bags home while I rarely see Latino or South
Pacific kids do so. I guess they get all their work done at school. You
think? Of course back packs might get in
their way of running thru yards, jumping
off fences, picking branches off trees to hit each other. Went to a pre-wedding
celebration Friday for a long time friend of mine, Rich Butler. He's 50 and
finally decided to get married. I went to dinner with him and his future wife's
family but not to the wedding. I still have issues about attending Hetero
weddings. Probably if I had been feeling better I may have gone because he's no
homophobe. I watched for some strange reason "Singles Ward" an LDS
Comedy. It re-enforced so much why I had to leave that strange and bizarre
culture behind. The QSL is out. Haven't seen the Metro yet. The Immigration Boycott is tomorrow. Latinos sure have monopolized the word
'immigrant' to mean them. I have strong
opinions on illegal immigrants of any nationality being in this country. Get a
work visa! I certainly couldn't be illegal in another country without jail time
or deportment. But Might makes right I
suppose. The yard is shaping up with mowing, weeding, transplanting, cleaning
out flower beds. It’s a lot of work on one person. When Mike and I do split up, if I can't get
someone to help with the yard work I may have to sell my house.
Don't want to think about all
that right now.
MAY
1 May 2006 Monday
Well today is Beltane, May Day,
and the day Michael and I called it quits.
When Mike came home from work I said we needed to talk. I asked him what his plans were and he said he
guess he was moving out. He said he
would like some money out of the house and I said I could give him $10,000 and
he was said that was fair. I sat emotionless
and detached as we went through the trivialities of breaking up. I told him that when he received his money I
wanted him to sign the title back to me in my name only. I also said he could have a month to find a
place but he said he would be out in two weeks and that he was taking Smokey
with him. I said of course. Smokey would
die of a broken heart without Michael. I
can't think of Smokey being alone all day. That is hard to bear. Michael told me what he wanted to take with
him and I said take what ever you want. Its just stuff. Its so much of the
little things that seem to overwhelm me now, such as switching utilities into
my name, refinancing the house, taking him off as my beneficiary and shit like
that. I called my mom and she said she'd wire the money to my account and I
said I would pay her back as soon as I get the house refinanced. When Fran and
I divorced after 10 years of marriage it was hard but we had nothing. During my 12 years with Michael we bought a
house together, trucks, furniture, and raised four dogs and a cat. When I told
Kimberly that Michael was leaving she was in shock. She said he loved me and I
said no he doesn't and really hasn't in years except as platonic companion. The
neighbors hugged me and said they would be there for me. I haven't cried yet. Maybe I won't cry until
the house is empty. My mom said that
Michael is not just losing a good companion but a good friend. So am
2 May 2006-4 May 2006
No entries
5 May 2006 Friday
So today is Friday. Its been a
long emotional week. On Monday Michael
said he is moving out after living together for 12 years. I am still dealing with that. I will need to take some time off from work
to get all the utilities back in my name but just need to take things one day
at a time. Tuesday I get a call from Sharla, my teaching assistant saying that
her niece is coming down this weekend with the new puppy. Well that certainly will brighten my days and
give me something to focus my attention on during this difficult transition. Wednesday
my 5th graders had their I Can Do dance program at West High School. We had to
be there right after school for the
rehearsal so it was a very long day.
Peter Christie is the director of the program and was all diva. He
pissed me off though when he was trying to throw this parent out who came early
to get a seat. He was screaming at them that they had to leave but Mrs.
Peterson and I stepped in and said just let them stay. It was obvious the woman
had cerebral palsy and it would have been a lot of effort for her to have to
walk clear across the basketball court to leave. There were five title one schools at the
performance and it was really fun to see what these 5th graders could do. The performance wasn't over until 9:00 pm so
I had a volunteer mother get all the kids back on the bus and took them back to
6 May 2006 Saturday
What a busy Saturday! After cleaning the front room, Sharla called
and said my puppy was ready so at 11:00 I went and picked her up. Love at first
sight. I named her Daisy May because Saffy loved flowers and I got her in the
Merry Month of May. Chuck Whyte
desperately needed help this morning so I asked the Giles if they would
baby-sit and they were thrilled to do so.
Chuck is having his house painted and new carpet laid and need help
getting his furniture moved and no one was helping. I didn't want to leave my new baby but
integrity is doing what has to be done to be able to live with ones self so I
told Chuck I would be over to help. He
was in a state of panic. I took him to sizzler's and treated him to lunch. He
needed to get some good food in him and the we two old men just worked until we
dropped. Thank goodness later Mike Sperry's brother showed up to help so I
could go home. It was nearly 4:30 when I left Chuck's after working for 4
hours. Chuck told me he had Pastor his little dog of 18 years put down this
morning. I just held him and cried some too. Its sure has been a year for
people losing their pets. When I go home I brought little Daisy May home and
Priscilla started mothering her. She is
a rambunctious healthy little pup. I am in love. Puppy love.
7 May 2006 Sunday
Been working in the yard...Daisy
kept me up much of the night. If I had her in her bed she'd whine to get in bed
with me. When she was in bed with me she'd get thirsty or hungry and whine to
get down. She's a little chow hound but healthy
and rambunctious
8 May 2006 Monday
Daisy slept much better, so then
so did I. It rained most of the morning.
Good for the grass but hard on the kids at school who are full of pent up
energy. When I came home, Mike had taken
Daisy over to the Giles for Kayla to baby-sit and play with while I went and
picked up Chuck Whyte from work on 45th South.
He was steaming mad because the carpet layers hadn't done their job and
were waiting for us to get to his place. He was livid. Mark Swonson and I were the only ones who
showed up of those who said they would.
But we had to wait around for nearly an hour for the carpet guys to do a
room so we could start moving things. I
dusted and polished all of Chucks furniture before setting up his bedroom. We really only got to his bedroom but at
least he can sleep in his own room again.
It was 8:45 and we still hadn't gotten any of his furniture off his
patio but I said I had to leave. I had
been on the go since 5:15. After taking
Mark home it was after 9 before I was able to pick Daisy May up and take her
home. Mark Swonson is a very under
appreciated man in this community. I am exhausted and Chuck is frustrated and
miserable about the lack of help he is getting from his
"friends". If I was him I
would pay $100 for a couple of "guest workers" and have them do it
rather then depend of people he obviously can't depend on. Heard from Sharla
that Daisy's daddy Winston was a bad doggy. He got loose in WY and had a great
time havocking some free ranging chickens, and after being picked up by the
county pound, his owners had to pay nearly $500 in fines and damages! Daisy's
daddy is a jailbird! I wonder why the Youth Group at the Center, instead of
always asking for a handout, can't organize service projects for people in the
community that truly need help like Chuck? God knows Chuck has donated enough
money to the Center besides serving on its board. I would be more incline to
help the youth if they put something back into the community once in a while.
Maybe they do but no one knows about it.
9 May 2006 Tuesday
I am one tired puppy owner. Not tired of owning a puppy by any means.
She's a sweetie pie. I am just tired! Saturday night Daisy May naturally was
fitful spending the first night in the house.
All night long she was either wanting up in the bed or down for drinks
of water and to potty. So like any
parent I got about 2 hours of sleep. Sunday May 7 Mike went to see his parents
in Wyoming over the weekend and returned Sunday afternoon. I mowed the lawn so Daisy wouldn't get lost
in the tall grass and pulled weeds. Still achy from helping Chuck move all
afternoon on Saturday. The Giles had
Mike and I over for some pizza and its was the first time that Mike had really
seen Daisy. Smokey doesn't know what to think of the new puppy. Mike told his parents he will send them his
new address so I guess he has a place
already. On the way to WY I guess a semi
hit a deer and it flew underneath the wheels and part of the carcass splattered
on Mike's car almost causing a wreck. He had blood and guts all over his hood.
10 May 2006 Wednesday
Well this is a fine howdy-do.
Yesterday when Mike came home from work, he asked how I would feel about us
just being roommates. I told him I would have to think about it and we would
have to come to a new understanding.
Mike has fallen in love with the new puppy and even bought her a
stroller that you attach to a bicycle.
He's been coming home from work during the day to check on her even. He
even asked me to take a ride with him with the hounds, which is his way of
saying he's sorry. We bought a Mediterranean Chicken Pizza from Pappa Murphy
which is the first meal we have eaten together in six weeks. My feelings are
mixed. I was kind of getting used to the idea that I would be living alone but
it is comfortable having someone familiar in the house who I know will be good
to the dogs and has a vested interest in keeping up the place. Today I made a
list for Mike to agree to if we are going to live as just room mates. Basically
said we would split mortgage and utilities 50/50, he will be responsible for
maintenance of certain sections of the house and help with yard work. But more then that I said that he has to be
respectful and not be criticizing me or who ever I might want to bring home and
I will do the same to him. Well its a start and a way of salvaging a 12 year
relationship until he or I find someone else we want to spend our lives with. Maybe
it’s just crazy. But I always said I am not a hetero and don't have to base my
relationships on their models which fail half the time anyway. Fags and their
drama.
11 May 2006 Thursday
No entry
12 May 2006 Friday .
The pup
is feisty and healthy and already going up and down stairs and is cautiously
going through the doggy door. She is now
pouncing on Priscilla. Smokey has
started eating the dry puppy food. I think he is jealous a little. Mike has
changed his tune and is almost back to being the companion I use to have but
still things like what happened keeps the barriers up to every get really close
again. We are going to Rawlins for a quick turn around trip for Mother's Day
for Fay to see the puppy. I took today off from school to go check out
refinancing the house. I checked into
flying down for Memorial Day but rates are too high. Over $300. I will only
spend about $100 on gas. Well Daisy is
crying because she can't see me so I better go get her.
13 May 2006-14 May 2006
No entry
15 May 2006 Monday
Back to work after a long trip to
Mike's mom told
me that I should have kicked Mike out and not even offered him any money for
what he put me through but I told her I would never do that. I have to be fair.
But Mike seems to be making an effort and he
just loves Daisy. I wonder what he will think when I bring home another
puppy. Long story short. Daisy's
brother's sale fell through and no one wants him up in
I told Sharla I
want him because if he is as sharp and intelligent as Daisy May is, they will
be good dogs together. Priscilla and
Smokey are just too old to play with Daisy and it would be nice to have two
dogs again the same age and brother and sister. Oh well Mike is just my
roommate and has nothing to say about it. If he doesn't like it I have money in
the bank to give him so he can hit the road.
But the way he has attached himself to Daisy so I think once he sees the
little boy he will agree that this will be a good home. This Daisy is one smart
dog. She is barely 8 weeks old and she is going up and down stairs and out the
doggy door. She will be house trained in
no time and in 3 weeks I am off for the summer to be with them to train them. King
George's approval rating is in the toilet. I wish someone would flush the whole
rotten mess and bring in people who understand the Constitution of the US and
not some Corporation CEO mindset. I went
to the NW Multi-purpose fitness Center for the first time in over a year. Need
to work on getting my blood sugars down through exercise as well as pills but
my left knee is achy like arthritis. Ted McDonough of the SLCity Weekly wanted
information on Pride Day Parade permits.
Unlike the Center, he fact checks his sources before putting something
in print.
16 May 2006 Tuesday
No Entry
17 May 2006 Wednesday
I wrote Richard Butler: Dear Richard hope you and Brenda are adjusting to wedded
bliss. I am sorry I didn't make it to the wedding. Mike and I had a major blow
up with his saying he was moving out. I
wasn't in a good space so I didn't want to be a bummer. It was good to see you at Orbit with your
friends. You looked very happy. I got a new puppy. Her name is Daisy and on
Saturday I am going to
18 May 2006 Thursday
Ugh, I didn't get to the gym last
night because I spent an hour trying to scrub graffiti off my side walk. Not
only is it expensive $10 a can of goof off, and a lot of work, it doesn't
really remove it completely from the concrete.
Graffiti is the gateway for other criminal activity. And of course it was some Mexican gang Sur 13
some shit tag. Bastards. I'd like to catch
the little shits and spray paint their heads and see how they like cleaning it
up. Then what really pissed me off was at Sunderland when I was looking for
paint remover two Mexican kids were taking lids of the spray paint and spraying
it to see what color it was. I said you
aren't suppose to be taking the caps off...I said can't you read? Pointing to
all the signs saying don't take the tops off and spray the paint. I guess that makes me a "bigot." Should
be illegal to sell spray paint to anyone under 21 but still the assholes would
still be tagging up people's property somehow.
It’s an artistic expression of their culture I heard one
·
Email to Richard Butler- hope you and Brenda are
adjusting to wedded bliss. I am sorry i didn't make it to the wedding. Mike and
I had a major blow up with his saying he was moving out. I wasn't in a good space so I didn't want to
be a bummer. It was good to see you at
Orbit with your friends. You looked very happy. I got a new puppy. Her name is
Daisy and on Saturday I am going to Evanston to pick up her brother that no one
wanted to buy. When school is out I will have you and Brenda over for dinner. Best
Wishes Ben-
·
Reply Richard Butler-Its ok that you couldn't
make it to the wedding. I'm glad you made it to dinner at Orbit Cafe with us.
The wedding was fantastic. I couldn't have dreamed it would have been any
better. I have plenty of "Honey Do's" to do around Brenda's house so
I've been staying busy on my days off. I hope you and Mike can smooth things
over. Your the best thing to ever happen to him. Funny how my friendship with
Mike has died off and yours just keeps trucking along LOL!! Brenda and I look
forward to a few BBQ's this summer with
you (and Mike if he ever comes around) I still cook a mean steak. Take care and
after school is out (Brenda is also a summer bummer) we can get together. Til
next time, Bye, Richard
19 May 2006 Friday
Well another week of having to
kick junior high kids off my yard. After scrubbing graffiti off my sidewalk
Wednesday I was not too happy when a gang of about eight Mexican boys were
standing on the curb pointing to where I had cleaned it up Thursday. I went
over to them and said do you guys know whose writing graffiti on the sidewalk?
Of course they all protested no so I said I am glad to know that it wasn't you
but if you find out who did it come and tell me. I don't appreciate the
vandalism and cost of having to clean it up.
They just all kind of moved on after that. Then as I was pulling some
weeds two Polynesian girls drop a plastic drink container on the side walk and
I said excuse me. Pick that up. I don't appreciate you trashing my yard. They
lamely said it just dropped and so I said so pick it up. They made a face and did so and said
something rude so I said go home and trash your own yard. You don't have to be
so trashy. Then Friday I come home and three Mexicans, two girls and a guy are
hiding in my bushes near my fence and after having seen my irises trampled
yesterday I holler at them to get out of my yard. Told them to go home to their
own houses if they want to play or what ever.
I then said why aren't you guys in school and they lied and said they
had gotten out early. So I mowed my front yard when NW let out and I watched
the kids trying to cut through my yard and told them to stay on the side walk
and quit stepping on the grass because of the sprinkler heads. So I guess that
is what I have to do to keep my property that I have worked hard on for the
last ten years from being a dump. The
only kid to have apologized when I asked him not to walk on the grass because
of the sprinkler heads was a white kid.
Go figure. I guess the rest think
they are entitled to do what ever because no one ever tells them no. May 18th
was John Reeves' 73rd birthday and today is Chad Keller's 37th. Chuck is
driving me nuts with his calling me to make sure I post an endorsement for his
candidacy for Emperor. I read in the
Pillar a quote from Fran Pruyn saying that being chosen to be Grand Marshall is
the highest honor the Gay community can bestow.
Someone needs to point out to her that the Dr. Kristen Reis Community
Service Award is the highest honor. What
planet does Pruyn live on? We had two TV personality crack heads as Grand marshals
Frannie. So what does that say about
being a Grand Marshall?
20 May 2006 Saturday
I am on my way to Evanston today
to pick up a brother for Daisy May. Sharla’s niece said she’d meet me in Evanston
for me to retrieve Daisy’s unwanted brother.
She came down from Afton Wyoming. We met in the Walmart parking lot and
her little boy strapped in a car seat was cradling the puppy. I almost hated to
separate them but I knew they could use the money to pay for the damage Daisy’s
daddy Winston did to all them chickens. Driving back through Echo Canyon the
pup was such a good boy and slept in the truck’s seat by me. When we stopped at
a rest stop he got out and peed and came back and went back to sleep. What a
good little traveler. Back at the house
Michael was so thrilled at seeing the boy puppy it almost made me forgive him.
21 May 2006 Sunday
I bought a schnauzer I named
Jazz. Once I brought him home from Evanston, Daisy May excitedly sniffed him,
knew he was brother, and they have been rolling around the house ever since.
It’s a family reunion for sure. Now I
have two puppies to be companions and grow old together. Jazz is actually slightly smaller then Daisy
Mae and he's a male. He's all black, black with just a little spray of white
fanning across his chest like a black tuxedo.
That's why I named him Jazzy. He
is a very affectionate dog and when I first held him he gave me a little puppy
kiss and since I am a sucker for a kiss, we will be family for life now. Daisy
May is up and down stairs and through the doggy door but brother hasn't quite
figured it out or has the knack for it yet.
He will. Hopefully by the end of the week. He's a real lover and
sweetheart. Down side...two puppies...twice the puppy poop...twice the chow
hounds...up side they have each other to terrorize instead of me. Daisy has not
at all been chewing up everything now that she has brother to chew on. A real
live chew toy. I cut some roses and irises yesterday to put
in a vase between Oscar and Saffy. While cleaning out old video tape I found a tape
from 1997 with Saffy and Priscilla as puppies and Oscar still healthy. It was a Christmas tape and Mike took the
video and he sounded so happy on it.
Times changes everything. Mike doesn't even know Jazzy is here because
he took off Saturday morning with Smokey and spent the night somewhere
else. Darren Solomon called me the other
night and wanted to see me sometime.
Nice to know someone still thinks about me romantically. I voted in the
RCGSE elections yesterday. Voted for Chuck of course but I voted no on the
Empress. Someone sent me an email
lambasting Kim but I didn't post it since it was sent to me directly and not to
the group site. My puppies are enough drama in my life!
22 May 2006 Monday
Busy day on Sunday...mowed the
backyard...pulled weeds... watched my pups tumble and rough house... In the
afternoon went to the gym and worked out for about an hour...then grocery
shopping. When I got home there was a plea from Chad Keller for help because
water had leaked into his basement and he had to get all his stuff out. I
rushed over and Kevin Hillman was already there with his truck so I helped them
load
- Email
from Kim Russo-Thanks, I got my breath back today and opened my e-mail. I
do appreciate your comments this morning.
Thank you for being fair. I
guess I wanted a chance to see if I could make it back. Between you and I Ben, and this e-mail
is between you and I, I wanted to just give my best. At times my heart and
mind really resisted knowing that there were some out there that would
attack. I approached all of my past with honesty and facts. This wasn't enough however, and i am
sure I didn't make it. But Ben what I needed to tell you that a year ago
you wrote me a letter encouraging me to come back and you also said that I was still a
valued person. I will never forget that, and in fact printed that letter,
and posted it in my office. I look
to it when times are rough and it has always inspired me. Just wanted to thank you for that and
giving me the hope that I could try again.
Thanks..Kim
23 May 2006 Tuesday
Yesterday another fun day on
24 May 2006 Wednesday
So glad I left Orchard El because
of the asshole parents there. Susan
McAdams told me that Karen Fisher who is as about harmless as you can get and a
Mormon is accused by the rumor mongering bitches up on the hill of showing
porno in her class and being anti-Mormon because she wears a cross on a
necklace! Even McAdams is fed up and
wants to leave. LaVelle Edwards’ granddaughter was pulled from Fisher's class
last year because of the rumor spread by the "elite" Mormons of Eagle
Wood. If you are not a grandchild of a General Authority or some other Mormon
Corporate swindler you aren't anyone.
Karen did check out a film on
25 May 2006-29 May 2006
No entries
30 May 2006 Tuesday
I wrote my Aunt Marie Williams: Sorry you
weren’t feeling well enough to make it to Vegas. Here’s some pictures I took. We
all ate at Arizona Charlies for breakfast on Sat and they had to break us up
into groups. I sat with Stephanie’s clan. Stephen had just made it in that
morning and Stephanie said it was a treat to be able to spend so much time with
both her boys. Stephen had his head shaved as you can see. David is shy like
the Williams but smart as a whip. I bought Stephanie and her clan breakfast
because I thought of all the meals Milton and you bought for me. Saturday was a
mess because of James’ wedding. His wife Rachel is real nice. I went with them to get their marriage
license and the rest of the day was spent kind of on that. I had to make the potato salad. They were
married at the
31 May 2006 Wednesday
Home, finally, from an exhausting
but good trip to Vegas. I took off the
26th from school to get the pups their 2nd vaccination
shots and then to head down. However I lost my cell phone! Really lost it. Probably fell out of my
pocket. Anyway went to Verizon and paid for another phone, and was able to keep
my old number, but I didn’t have anyone else’s number unless they called
me! Modern age! To think I drove across
country in 1976 in my Pinto on retread tires and never thought about having a
phone, audio books, cd’s etc. Anyway I reached Vegas without incident about 7
pm PST really exhausted. However I had to sleep in the back of my truck in the
camper shell because both my sister and my mom’s mobile homes were going to be
full. My nephew was coming in with his fiancée,
a female friend, and two children. My niece was coming in with her lover and
her two children. Since both coaches
were just two bedrooms and the pull out couch was for Angel, I was relegated to
the truck. I really didn’t mind. I slept in it many a time. It’s just that I am
getting old for this roughing it. Saturday my nephew was married at the
Graceland Wedding Chapel on
JUNE
1 June 2006-4 June 2006
No entries
5 June 2006 Monday
Well June is busting out all
over. School is out for the summer. My mom's 77th birthday was June 3rd, and
another Pride Day has come and gone. On the first of June the appraiser came by
to look over the house for refinancing. I had cleaned and mowed the yard not
that it should matter all that much. Vanity I suppose.
June 2nd was my last day at school. We took the kids bowling, had them sign
memories books, and sent them on their merry way. I told my aide as we were sitting on the
playground watching the kids play kickball that I was Gay. She has a Gay uncle whose into drag and she
loves Barry Manilow. I think it was safe to share. LOL I was exhausted
though.
The last week of
school is strenuous. Michael Aaron invited me to the Grand Marshal Reception
but it was kind of last minute and I already had dinner plans with the
neighbors. Randy was fixing BBQ pork
ribs. Mike and I were both invited.
I guess his
boyfriend Jim is busy this week so he's been going to the Pride Day Film
Festival with Tom Folk. He's asked me to
go but I declined. I guess I didn't want
to be a second choice.
My dear old mom's birthday was Saturday and
really didn't do much for her but talk to her on the phone. She said Vegas is
hot 104 degrees.
I went Walmart Shopping and bought some barberry
bushes to plant as a hedge to keep the twirps from hiding in my yard. Barberries are crimson red but have sharp
thorns. Stayed home in the evening thinking Darrin Solomon might come over but
never did so kind of a wasted evening.
Sunday was Pride
Day and Mike took Smokey sporting a rainbow scarf to watch the parade with his
friends. I went to Walmart Shoppe and bought some new sheets.
In the afternoon
when Mike came home to drop Smokey off he had his boyfriend Jim and another
friend Mike with him. However I guess he wasn't looking and ran smack into my
camper shell window and cut his nose pretty bad.
I had Jim come into the house and I finally
met him. I let Jim take care of Mike's
cut nose since its not my place anymore.
After they left it was the only time I really got sad over Mike and I
breaking up. Didn't cry though. Almost
but I didn’t. Chad Keller later said
Mike's nose was karma. Hmmmm.
Chad Keller
called and wanted me to meet him and Kevin Hillman down at the Trapp for a BBQ
Joe Redburn was hosting.
He was tiffed
over some comment Mike Aaron made to him about an article he wrote for QSL.
He's over it now. At the Trapp I met up
with Kevin and
Anyway Garth
Garricksen was there also and both he and
I cornered Kevin and asked him what he had
said to get him booted from Coronation. I guess he went up to Kim and asked if
she could go a whole year without lying. Yikes!
Garth said the
rodeo is about to fold and probably will after a camping trip this summer. It
was hot on the Trapp's patio so we didn't stay long.
Saw Mike with
Steve Merrill and Richard Packer at the Trapp. They look good even Mike with a
Band-Aid on his nose. I took Chad back to the house to see the puppies and then
took him home. I guess he may be moving in with Mark Thrash.
When Mike came
home we played with the pups, fed the hounds, and I fixed us some strawberry
shortcake. He was in bed by 9 and I was
not much behind him. So much for Pride Weekend. Someone took a great picture of
my friends Todd Bennett and Ron Hunt.
Next Saturday is their Sky-clad Bear Hug.
6 June 2006 Tuesday
Here it is the devil's day 6-6-6
and the world has not gone up in flames.
Don't fundamental Christians have anything better to do then be freaking
idiots? Not that the Monogamous Mormons are that far behind. Pushing the
anti-Gay marriage amendment as if that was the real cause of society's
sorrows. If they are so moral why then
they didn't kick the Mormon legislators in the ass when they voted to spend $15
million on a parking garage but refused to kick in $2 million for dental and
vision care for
7 June 2006 Wednesday
No Entry
8 June 2006 Thursday
Been a busy couple of days.
Wednesday went to the doctors for a three month follow up. I have to go often
because of my diabetes. Blood pressure good 68/115, cholesterol good, and surprisingly
my sugar levels are excellent. A 7 is
where people should be at and I am a 6.
Last August I was at 11. That is when my doctor threatened me with
insulin. The bad news was that when I complained of a sore ache behind my knee
and that my ankle is more swollen then my other, he became concerned and
scheduled an ultrasound test at the U of U.
He was worried that I might have a blood clot in that leg. Fortunately he managed to get me in that day
at 2. But first I had an eye examination at 11:45. They were running late and I
didn't get out of the optometrist until 1:30 and barely able to see because of
the pupil dilation the doctor did. My
eyes have weakened slightly changing my prescription but no bleeding vessels
like last year. Anyway I had to rush
across town from
9 June 2006 Friday
Courtney Moser wrote me: Hey Ben, I just joined the Utah Dark History
group. Great!!! I was reading some of the back messages including the ones
about
10 June 2006 Saturday
No Entry
11 June 2006 Sunday
Past couple of days have been
interesting. Friday June 9th was my
sister's 59th birthday. I am not that
far behind anymore. It seems like we were just teenagers living at home.
I got a
membership at Costco so I could get new glasses or at least lenses and prescription
sunglasses.
It rained really
heavy all Friday morning and Friday night. I had intended on going to a BBQ
party Michael Aaron was hosting but about the time it was being held it was
lightening and thundering and raining buckets. Just decided to stay home and go
to bed early since Saturday was going to be long.
Saturday morning
I was up at 5 a.m. to get ready for my Praxis Test in
The test began at 8:30 and there were 120
questions in the subject matter of Language Arts, Math, Social Studies, and
Science. The test was timed for 2 hours
so one had to really hustle to finish on time. Felt pretty confident in
Language Arts, Social Studies, and somewhat in Science and Math but on some of
them I had to simply guess.
The test was
over at 10:30 and I was home around 11:30.
Mike had already taken off probably to be with his new boyfriend. I mowed the front lawn and trimmed some of
the bushes and tree branches out front to spruce up the yard. Then it was time for a well deserved nap. In
the evening I went over to Todd Bennett and Ron Hunt's Bear Hug Party that they
host about 4 to five times a year. I hadn't attended one of their parties since
January 2004.
Even though I knew that it was a Bear Orgy I
really just wanted to meet and be with new people. All of Todd's parties are nudist parties so I
had to get over my discomfort zone and poor body image. I learned all about how
damaged we are as Gay men about our bodies as a Sacred Faerie but the GQ Gay
men image is hard to fight.
I visited made
some new friends and had a friendly time but after about an hour I decided to
get dressed and go home. I wanted to be
with my pups as much as I wanted to romp around with a bunch of naked bears.
Go figure. Anyway Sunday June 11th, I
told Chad I would meet him for Bunch at Market Street Grill for a Gay Freedom
Day planning meeting with Michael Aaron.
Actually there were more people having Brunch with us then there where
there for a planning meeting.
Garth Gullickson
was there in his cute kilt, Kevin Hillman and his partner Ryan, Mark Thrash,
and two others Jeff Johnson, and I forgot what this other guy's name was. I didn't know those two and they didn't stay
for the planning meeting either.
I wanted to buy Chad his meal since he had
treated me for my birthday and had asked the waitron for a separate ticket
which he didn't. I was getting
frustrated because I wanted to pay with my debit card because I only had $20 on
me and Chad's and my brunches were more then that and Mark Thrash was so funny
he reached over and stroked my hand and said "Ben I know its a math
issue" when I was freaking out.
Kevin Hillman
was also laughing at me too for being so naive. Brunch was good and when
it was over, we drove down to Harmony
Park to look at the site for Gay Freedom Day.
Kevin Hillman
said he would deal with the food, Mark Thrash said he would get the sound
equipment and a riser, Chad and I are going down to parks and recreations
tomorrow to pay for the permit. I think it will be a fun event. Spent much of
the rest of the afternoon driving Chad around dropping off flyers and posters
for the event. We went to Jordan Park
where the Gay and Lesbian Softball league were playing. Only person and knew there was Kim Russo so I
smoozed, congratulated her, and gave her flyers to hand out. We also dropped in
at the Trapp where
Saw Joe Redburn
there and he was looking pretty good. Had dropped some weight. When I finally
got home Mike was home and over at the Giles. Went next door and we had a BBQ
together. I brought over a yellow cake with Chocolate icing, a macaroni salad I
had made earlier, and hot dogs. Randy cooked up some cheese burgers. It was fun sitting and relaxing.
Mike said the Dan Fahndrich is wanting Beyond
Stonewall activated again. I talked to
Michael Aaron about it being under the QSL 365 Pride umbrella next year and he
seemed warm to the idea. We will see.
Saturday night
the full moon was so golden and large in the eastern sky over the mountains
that when I was coming home from Todd's I literally gasped when I saw it. It was indeed Bella Luna. My Sacred Faerie instincts are stirring. I wrote Todd Bennett “Thanks for the party. Sorry left
early...I was really tired.”
12 June 2006 Monday
Dan
Fahndrich wrote: Ben, Have you thought of doing an aging house in SLC or Utah ?
I thought of this awhile back ( as we get older these things do come up ) but
am having a hard time putting it into a conceptual plan. I touched base with
"Rainbow vision " awhile back but got nothing. The idea is GREAT but
I do believe that the organizations like Rainbow Vision have a big dollar sign
in front of their door and are only for ones who have a lot of money to spend
on this. I am interesting in talking more on this subject....what say you? "The
point of life is not to get anywhere - it is to notice that you are, and have
always been, already there. You are, always and forever, in the moment of pure
CREATION. The point of life is therefore to CREATE - who and what you are, and
then to experience that" - Conversations with God - by Neale Donald Walsch
Do you know the "song" of your friends ? Think of the smiles that you
can create. Dan I wrote back: I definitely believe that is where we are heading
but I also think its for the chintzy Gays of Palm Springs who can not afford or
trust an entourage of pretty boys to take care of their aging process. I have thought for a while about creating a
Gay Men organization for Middle Age and seniors to at least begin a dialoging
and networking system. I guess you know by now Mike and I have ended our
previous relationship. I am glad that he
has found your qvinum group and has met new people. He said something about you wanting to help
reactivate a Beyond Stonewall type retreat. Let's get together sometime and discuss
it. It would have to be for next summer
2007 because it is something that can't just be thrown together. I want to find out if
13 June 2006 Tuesday
I graduated from high school 37
years ago today at Rancho Alamitos in
14 June 2006-17 June 2006
No Entries
18 June 2006 Sunday Father’s Day
Just returned from a long trip to
19 June 2006-21 June 2006
No entries
22 June 2006 Thursday
June 21st was Mike's 50th
birthday and the Summer Solstice. He's taken off with Smokey to New Mexico. I
finished reading the Da Vinci Code today so I went a matinee to see the movie.
I heard the movie was only so so and it was but I really went just to see the
places Dan Brown talks about in the book.
The movie dumbed down both main characters. A really good movie and by
all means rent it is DOWNFALL the 2005 German Film on the last days of the 3rd
Reich. It’s spell binding. I also
watched Steven Spielberg's
23 June 2006 Friday
Kim
Russo wrote to me-“Ben Williams Thanks, I got my breath back today and opened
my e-mail. I do appreciate your comments this morning. Thank you for being fair. I guess I wanted a chance to see if I could
make it back. Between you and I, Ben,
and this e-mail is between you and I, I wanted to just give my best. At times
my heart and mind really resisted knowing that there were some out there that
would attack. I approached all of my past with honesty and facts. This wasn't enough however, and i am sure I
didn't make it. But Ben what I needed to tell you that a year ago you wrote me
a letter encouraging me to come back and
you also said that I was still a valued person. I will never forget that, and
in fact printed that letter, and posted it in my office. I look to it when times are rough and it has
always inspired me. Just wanted to thank
you for that and giving me the hope that I could try again. Thanks..Kim”
- I
responded to Kim Russo-“I still have the message you left on my message
machine last Christmas when I was in a blue flunk. I listen to it at least
once a week to keep my spirits up.
We make mistakes we learn from them but we must also realize that
some people in the community will always want a pound of flesh. I just do what I can and stay true to
what I believe. It’s not popular but oh well. I also stay far away from fiduciary
matters. If I can't eat the cost of something I won't do it. I admire you
both for willing to serve in a position that is like swimming in a pool of
tiara wearing piranha. Ben”
24 June 2006 Saturday
No Entry
25 June 2006 Sunday
Today was the first Gay Freedom
Day as part of QSL's Pride 365 and I think it was successful with about 100
people or more coming and going throughout the day. Chad Keller, Mark Thrash, and Michael Aaron
put up signs and got the sound system going. Kevin Hillman and Garth Gullickson
cooked hamburgers and hotdogs. I sold
cookies and passed out information on the Stonewall Riots and Beyond Stonewall. The Bears represented by Ron Hunt and Todd
Bennett had a tent pavilion, the UGRA had a banner as did the Single Lesbian
Group. I had of course my little
information table. Yesterday I was super busy as I printed 100 copies of
trifolded brochures I had made at Kinkos to pass out at GFD. That was about
$25. Then I went to Costco and bought
two boxes containing 33 cookies each for about $15 to sell and finally I went
to Home Depot to buy PCV pipe to make a stand to fly my Gay flags from. That was about $25 also. At I felt so butch cutting pipe and piecing
together a frame when discovered one of my tricorners was a threaded piece
instead of a push in. Sutherlands was
already closed so I had to wait till Sunday to finish that project. I was up until 10:30 painting a poster for
selling cookies. Like I said a very busy
day. Sunday morning I was up early to take care of the hounds and clean the
house before Mike returned from his trip and I mowed the front lawn. Then I gathered up everything I thought I
would need to set up my booth at GFD. I
had to buy 4 risers for the PCV Frame and they were $3 a piece so my little
frame was starting to get expensive but I can always reuse it. I got to Harmony
Park about 10:45 and Chad, Mark, and Michael were already there setting things
up. I had to reassemble my 7 foot tinker
toy frame and then hang my flags. Ron Hunt set up next to me and he and Chad
helped me get set up in the shade. I sold $16 worth of cookies and gave about 7
away to people but I had a really fun time. When I was first setting up two
guys came over and saw that I was the guy who wrote the column on Wolf Szmuness
and they wanted to visit about that.
Later I saw Tom Folk, Mark Swonson, Chuck Whyte, Walt Larabee, Kim
Russo, Kieyra and many other court folks there.
Larry Smith, Sharla's uncle came so I finally got to met him. I thought
he was good looking and he spent the afternoon visiting with me and
others. He had been an Empress in the
Long Beach CA Court system. Darrin
Solomon also showed up although when things were winding down. It was just a
nice sunny day to be in the park visiting with new and old faces. Lee Silva said he had a great time as did
others who talked to me. The only real
complaints I heard was that it wasn't advertised enough. Maybe next year. Valerie Larabee showed up,
which was surprising but nice. It was a nice day and got to see a lot of
familiar faces. Mike came home about 5:30. I guess he had gone to
26 June 2006- 27 June 2006
No entries
28 June 2006 Wednesday
I think everyone is finally
rested from Gay Freedom Day last Sunday.
It was just about right. Monday
had to go into school and meet with the new Principal about next school
year. I think we are going to get along
fine. I hope! Spent most of yesterday in the house. Its been hot! I've been
going through my Gay archival files and cleaning them up. What a chore getting
rid of duplicate material. The pups are
full of piss and vinegar. I love just watching them romp. I told Mike about the
movie Downfall and he went out and bought a copy. We watched it on the big
screen. I guess his friend Jim Evans from
29 June 2006 Thursday
I got an early start on a hot day
yesterday when I picked Chad Keller up at 8:30 for a trip to the
30 June 2006
Friday
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