Spring 2nd Quarter Journal 2020 April-June Trump's 4th year

 

APRIL

1 April 2020 Wednesday

It rained this morning but cleared up for the rest of the day. April is going to be an interesting month as stay at home directives have been extended into May in many places. There won't be any Easter Egg hunters outside, or Easter Sunday services for many. Also, Passover will have a poignant new meaning.

I feel sorry for Americans struggling to pay rent due today and feed their families when the majority of Americans would struggle for having cash for a $400 emergency. Maybe it will be a wakeup call about income discrepancy in this nation. The uber-rich sure believe in Socialism when it affects their bottom line.

I did hear in the news that Gov. Herbert put a stay on evictions due to inability to pay rent and mortgages until May 15^th.

I made some chocolate chip banana bread today and gave some to Mike Romero and Danny Montoya. Mike had dropped Coco off for a play date while he went grocery shopping this morning. He said that he may have to work with his lenders to pay only a portion of his mortgage as that his hours have been cut back. I also sent him home with half the beef pot pie I made yesterday. I figured Kyle and I would eat very little of it.

I started watching Good Omens again on Prime TV as I love the interaction between Michael Sheen as the angel and David Tennant as the demon. It’s my kind of apocalyptic movie.

Taco Belle is still with me so I don’t know when Jim Dabakis wants to come get him. I am fine with the little dickens.

When I was about to feed the  pups I got a call from Reneigh Geissman the loan processor from First America saying that I had to re-sign my applications and get a letter from the Utah Retirement System of my pension. Dealing with First America has been nothing but frustrating although she was nice. I have to go into the Bountiful Branch and sign all the forms tomorrow.

Danny Montoya came in from Phoenix about 7:30 this evening and Kyle and he came up to say hi before they disappeared back downstairs to their room. I said to Danny that I was glad he’s home safe. I guess in Brazil gangs were roaming and attacking anyone out at night so he stayed the entire time in his hotel room grateful for the sandwiches I made him.

2 April 2020 Thursday

There was snow on the deck from last night and it was chilly this morning but I went off at 9 to Bountiful to sign papers for the refinancing at America First. The lobby was completely void of people except for a skeleton crew.  I also called the Utah Retirement System to have them mail a copy of award benefits. So, I’m at First America in Bountiful to sign some disclosure forms for refinancing that got screwed up otherwise I’d be home in self-isolation.

            At home, I made a pot of Grandpa's Texas Chili along with a pot of pinto beans cooking on the side this frosty morning. The snow overnight blanketed the Oquirrh Mountains in the west and the Wasatch to the east” good day for chili and cornbread” like when is it ever not!

Los Angeles is requiring anyone who goes out to wear a face mask. I don't have any face masks but I have lots of bandanas. Would I get arrested wearing this while shopping?

Taco Belle has made himself home in the House of the Barking Dogs. It makes him so mad seeing people walking their dogs on our sidewalk! How dare they? I posted a video of Taco barking on Face book and Robert Moolman commented, “I just watched that video and Rupert and Dudley started barking as well. Taco's reach is broad and all encompassing. His bark is now echoed on the East side of town.” Later in the afternoon Jim Dabakis left a message asking me to take care of Taco Belle for a little longer as he was feeling under the weather. I said certainly and just for him to get to feeling better.

            I laid down in the bay window with the pups listening to “Company” my favorite Sondheim musical when I heard Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya come up stairs I guess to bake a pizza even though I had made chili and beans for them. Listening to them, but not being with them, made me feel like a ghost in my own house, like I can see people but they don’t see me. It made me kind of melancholy thinking that love and time has passed me by and maybe it’s time for me to become a ghost. I am feeling very neglected by the people I love. Later as I laid in bed, I listened to Carly Simon’s “I Get Along Without You Very Well” and conjured up Billy Bikowski’s youthful countenance in my mind. I have to keep repeating my mantra, “I live alone but it’s great company.”

            Randy Gile sent me a message this morning writing that Kayla was in self-quarantine because she was exposed to someone at her work but other than that they are all fine.

This morning, I posted a video of the song “Good Morning Starshine” and then wrote, “I went to a "love-in" back in 1967 when I was 16 years old. I helped make teepees for hippies in Laguna Canyon when I was 17 years old. In college I took craft classes to make my own sandals and belts and made a fringe leather purse for my sister Donna who lived in a commune. I learned to macramé, tie dye, and batik. I made antiwar posters and marched to bring the boys home. The only thing I didn't do as a youth was get into drugs “although psychedelia was my favorite type of music as well as any tunes from Hair. This song [Good Morning Star shine] came out in April 1969 when I was a senior in high school” I had a secret love that dared not speak its name” 50 years later I look back at this my generation with nostalgia as I was then growing up in an Arcadian Orange County, California” Good Morning Star shine The Earth says hello.”

Deb Hall from the Pride Center commented, “You were doing all the things I wanted to do back then. But I was in Jr. High and my parents wouldn't let me go live in a park with the hippies. I did take a macramé class and I did sell flowers on the street corner. I also had a little craft machine to make yarn flowers. I made millions of them, pasted them on paper, made peace signs next to them and wrote “Make Love Not War”. They were hanging all over my bedroom and on my bedroom door. This post really made me dust off my favorite memories! I still see "Hair" whenever a live production comes around and I own the movie version to watch often. That song is in Hair and I love it. Love. Love this post Ben! Long live us old hippies!”

T.J. Otaka responded to Deb, “ I love your comment here. You were in Jr high? We are at the same age and I was in the 5th grade in 1969.”  Deb Hall replied “T.J. Otaka it started when I was in grade school and continues to this day! I'd still like to live in a park with a band of hippies!”

I wrote then, “We all may look like hippies when this plague is over” no salons, no barbers and my white beard is getting pretty long LOL.”

Ron Johnson chimed in saying, “I was in college then, and working part-time, but the feelings were the same. Thanks for the wonderful trip down Memory Lane, Ben.”

 Leroy Te'o's commented, ““growing up in the San Francisco Bay area, ALL of my teachers from grade school to high school were at Woodstock and Gimme Shelter! “it was kind of "Hippy Overkill" if you will, but looking back in retrospect, the quality of education I received, from these free thinking, open minded teachers, opened doors for me that I had never imagined!!”BEYOND GRATEFUL!!”.”

So, Congress came up with trillions for economic bailouts. If we can pay $2 Trillion to stimulate the economy why can’t we afford Medicare for all? How about rescinding Trump and Reagan’s give away to the Uber Rich and put the tax rate back as it was under Eisenhower? There’s a thought. How about a living minimum wage for true essential workers and a cap on CEO Salaries at no more than 100 times their lowest paid annual salary?

The Era of Trump and Republicanism economics of unbridled Capitalism need to go into the dust bin of history like Soviet Communism” government should be for all people not just the wealthy and greedy “ there I said it.

PS churches should not be allowed to accumulate $100 billion ever. Ron Johnson responded, “I couldn't agree more! For lots of details read "THE COMING COLLAPSE" Published by Common Dreams”

I heard they are finally tearing down the old Zephyr club on Broadway that has been shuttered for over 25 years “It was once the hottest music venue in Salt Lake City” "they tore down paradise and put up a parking lot" -Melanie

3 April 2020 Friday

My grandma Johnson lived on a farm near Hart Camp, Texas about a quarter mile from her nearest neighbor. That is how she liked it. She would sit in her favorite rocking chair and just reflect on what mattered to her.

I am trying to tap into her Scottish independence and enjoy my isolation. I keep repeating my mantra "I live alone but it's great company," however the saying is getting a little thread bare. Thank God I have my pups to talk to and keep me busy and entertained and sane.

Ron Holmstrom wrote on Face book that his little pup Coco died this morning from old age perhaps a heart attack. At least I am not dealing with that heart break.

I know how tough it must be for all the single Gay folks out there, being isolated right now. It's almost like we’re back in the closet. We need to keep singing Gloria Gaynor's Gay Anthem "I Will Survive." We will come through this plague too. It's not our first rodeo.

As I reflect over the course of my long life during this time of isolation, I see major distinct periods in my life as if I was an entirely different person. I've heard that our cells in our bodies are completely renewed every 7 years. If so then I have regenerated nearly 10 times already” 1958, 1965, 1972, 1979 1986, 1993, 2000, 2007, 2014, and 2021

My youth in Garden Grove, California 1953 to 1973, My college years 1969-1976, Cypress, Fullerton, BYU, My Mormon Years 1972-1986 brought me to Utah, My married years 1977-1986 my fallow years, My Gay Activist Years 1986-1997 happiest years, My elementary school teacher Years 1988-2015, My Gay historian years 1995-to present. I became a writer.

The time I felt I was really making a significant in pact in my little corner of Utah was during my Gay Activist Days” in the midst of the AIDS crisis. It gave my life meaning and purpose.

When I think of all the support groups I founded, the community I helped build, the lives I influenced, then I can look back and realize I had a life well lived.

So, I guess I am never alone as I have my memories and my beloved phantoms of times long ago to keep me company.

We all come from the Goddess and unto her we shall return like a drop of rain flowing to the ocean.

Richard P. Butler commented on my post “Very proud to know you. Love this posting. Be safe, be healthy and hope you make the next regeneration.”

Michael Aaron West wrote, “Without you there would have never had been us”. Thank you Love Mike and DJ.”

T.J. Otaka added, “Jim and I are so glad that we have met you here in Utah. You are a very kind person.”

Randy Hoffman said, “So grateful for you work and your reflections.”

Ron Johnson also wrote “You are the guiding light and inspiration for the rest of us.” 

Finally, Richard Harmston made this comment, “This moving reflection may have emerged from a journal entry. We are better able to own our lives if we write about and reflect on the life we live.”

Erick Myers also wrote, “Ben, for the more than 30 years that I've known you, I have admired you and been amazed at your fearless and non-stop commitment to helping everyone in our LGBTQ community. For me, you are the embodiment of Divine love in action. You have blessed the lives of so many people. Goddess bless you!”

I mowed the back and front yards this afternoon. The backyard really needed it and no one else is going to do it for me. I also raked out the curb gutter in front of the house. It’s such a nice day outside compared to yesterday. I guess I can still keep up a yard, do housework, and cook even if no one eats it but the pups. I don’t know why I bother making anything to eat for Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya. They do their own thing and rarely include me.

Michael Romero dropped Coco off while he had to run errands for his work. He had to gather 400 spray bottles so Dominion Gas can disinfect their trucks. When he came by later to retrieve her I sent home with him the rest of the beef pot pie and most of the chili and beans I made yesterday.

I did talk to Mike a little about giving up the idea of building a small house on the lot in these uncertain times. Right now, I am leaning towards just using the money from refinancing the house to pay off the Solar Panels and my car and get out of debt. I know that if I built the small house I could probably rent it out but who knows? Mike could always sell his townhouse and actually move back into this place.

I've been taking care of myself all my life, and others, and for that I am grateful but I guess I will never have anyone taking care of me or having someone to “watch over me”.

I do miss the company of my friends however and making dinner for them. I kind of miss having conversations with people the most during this isolation. No one here asks me how I am doing when I always kind of thought Kyle might be that person.. but this melancholy too will pass.

My cousin Terrie Williams wrote about missing the social aspect during the quarantine, “It is Friday night get together night. It used to make me happy also to see folks gathering and enjoying a home cooked dinner.”

I watched “Downfall” again on Amazon Prime. I don’t know what fascinates me so much about watching the collapse of the 3^rd Reich but it does.

Kyle finally came upstairs to visit some because Danny had gone out somewhere. I don’t ask. He told me about his day and how he will finish up the Bountiful people’s deck tomorrow and how he’s working on designing the pool house for the South Jordan folks. He never asked about my day, just said that I seemed melancholy and I brushed that all saying I was just tired. He never even asked about my visit to First America yesterday until he was talking about refinancing his own loans. I am just superfluous. 

Danny came back to the house about 7 this evening and Kyle and he fixed themselves some dinner while I just listened to music. I was having a nostalgic night listening to Jefferson Airplane's Surrealistic Pillow, the Youngbloods' Get Together, Strawberry Alarm Clock, and the Hollies Bus Stop on Pandora “ missing the Sixties I suppose.

I sent Brad Hart a message saying I was missing him tonight but I don’t know why I bothered. He never calls or checks in with me to see how I am doing. I am not mad, maybe a little disappointed but he is what he is.

The CDC is suggesting now that all who go out in public now wear a mask of some kind. Utah is only one of 7 states that still have not ordered a complete shutdown although Herbert ordered the shutting down of Zion National Park.

4 April 2020 Saturday

I contacted Jim Dabakis this morning saying, “I hope you are feeling better and resting “Taco Belle is just fine “he’s in bed with me right now “I can keep him as long as you need me to do so”” He replied “Thanks” saying he has a lingering fever. That concerns me especially when Luz Escamilla, the state legislator who I voted for mayor last year, was deathly sick with the Corona Virus.

Well golly gee, it's April General Conference here in Salt Lake City where a quorum of wealthy mostly benign old white heterosexuals will devote two days discussing how a Patriarchal white God wants the Saints to act towards each and pay their tithing “ all the while Mormons will be faithfully turning on their TVs, sustaining whatever the Brethren want, and then on Monday go back to doing whatever they want because they have the one true religion” been there, done that, over it”

Conference is easy not to watch as it’s just pathetic old men clinging onto their power and glory and their $100 billion as people are dying all around them. If I want to know the true nature of God I only need to spell that word backwards to understand unconditional love.

Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya were gone for much of the day and I decided to venture out to do some grocery shopping for the pups. I was looking for elastics to make a mask out of a bandana as they are now suggesting we wear masks while in public. I went to the Family Tree store first and bought some hair scrunchies I thought would work but later when I tried to use them they kept slipping off my ears. All paper products were gone at both the Family Tree and Lucky’s. I wanted to buy some napkins but no luck.

At Lucky’s I bought a lot more cans of dog food and some chewies for the pups as well as other food stuff. Their shelves were fairly well stocked except for paper products and cleaning supplies. They did have a few cases of toilet paper but I didn’t need any.

At home I decided to make some Chili Verde out of some pork I had in the freezer. I also made some Spanish rice and a pot of Pinto Beans.

It was such a nice warm day that I also finished cleaning and sweeping the gutters in front of the house since  all the boy’s cars were gone. That’s about as much yard work I could handle.

Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya came home around 7 this evening and Kyle was proud that he finished his first job with his company he founded and was paid. The Godfreys, this Bountiful couple, was proud of the work he did on building their deck. I suppose the boys might have eaten some of the food I made after I had put it all away and went to bed.

The Trump travesty has made it clear that Americans are on their own. His response to Puerto Rico's hurricane relief and California’s wildfire should have been a wakeup call that these callous incompetents bastards in the White House only care about kissing Trumps ass and making the uber rich even more obscenely wealthy

This so called President only attacks and is incapable of helping anyone or anything that doesn’t benefit him “more people have died in NYC than during 911 and he’s incapable of showing any compassion or leadership. All he cares about are his ratings” now you know why Republicans disgust me for having foisted this scam artist on the America I love”

            I posted a black humor meme saying “It’s really cool to be living in America at this time in history. It’s like the collapse of the Roman Empire only with Wi-Fi.” Kevin Scott responded, “To be honest, it's amazing how terrifyingly fast everything changed so radically almost overnight. I'm my usual nihilistic optimist self who just accepts whatever goes on as I have no control over the outcome. I just Zen through it.”

However, Merrill Crosbie wrote, “I just don't want to be buried in a mass grave or cremated on a COVID-19 bonfire. I also don't want my next Stauffer's frozen lasagna to be shipped across country in the same refrigerated trailer that stored any of the stockpiled bodies that they don't have room for in a morgue. I don't find any of the current events interesting or fun or exciting.”

Another meme I shared was the saying, “Suddenly the whole nation is dependent on the very people they don’t believe should make $15 an hour.”

My cousin Chris Johnson who is a medical nurse in Memphis, Tennessee while discussing the Covid19 outbreak wrote "Interesting times. We haven’t seen the peak yet but already seeing colossal failures of leadership, breaches of trust, lack of transparency, outright dishonesty, rationing of scarce supplies, major disruption of supply chain, lowered safety standards, inconsistent communication, and abdication of responsibility.

The problem is we can’t save the world from the coronavirus by treating them all in a hospital” we have to try to keep them from all getting sick at the same time.

Because we haven’t been tested, we don’t know whether we have the virus or not. So, we have to act as if we haven’t been infected with the virus because if we didn’t have it, we’re not immune to it. We also have to act as if we have the virus so we don’t spread it to others. And even if we have been tested, we really don’t know whether we have the virus or not because the current test isn’t perfect.”

He added about being confident about testing

"No, I really don’t follow that because it is so misleading. Not enough testing being done, tests that are only 70 to 85% reliable which means you have a 15 to 30% chance of having a false negative which means you actually have the disease but everyone thinks you do not. The infection rate is much worse than the influenza virus. The Army Corps of Engineers is building a 1000 bed emergency hospital in the Frazier area. We will be overwhelmed just like New York if people don’t take social distancing much more seriously and even then it will take 10 weeks to flatten the curve.

How will we know if what we are doing is working? I am looking for at least seven straight days with a decrease in the number of cases and hopefully that will be followed about 14 days later by a decrease in the number of deaths."

My other cousin Stephanie Williams wrote “A lot of people are going to die. Very sad, yes there is leadership failure, but where do we go from here? We know they failed us, but we can't rely on leadership, especially the one we have now. It's up to all Americans to do their part. They have to get the vaccine. I heard that scientist all around the world have made this a priority and are working together on this. We the citizens of the world are fucked this year. But what about next time, next year. We have to keep good people staffed for teams working on pandemics, we have to be better prepared, we have to take action sooner and we have to get the vaccine. Spain is now having to declare if a person is too old, or their health issues are too high so they can give care with those that are younger and more apt to recover. That is something that can happen here, in the US, as medical supplies, respirators, staff all will begin to run out. I think it is a hard lessons learned, lesson for sure as we will all need to change our social behavior, especially when we hear of epidemics in other places in the world. There will be more. We just can't be naïve about it.”

New York Governor Cuomo Reported that Friday was the deadliest day yet from the Coronavirus. New York's death toll from COVID-19 climbed was 2,935 on Friday, up from 2,373 the day before. 14,810 people are currently hospitalized in New York, the U.S. epicenter of the global outbreak and New York still doesn't have the ventilators and personal protective Equipment (PPE) it needs. The U.S. Ventilator stockpile failed after Trump let a contract lapse.

5 April 2020 Sunday

It was another day of self-isolation” with nothing to do today, so I baked some Toll House cookies with pecan nuts. It was the only baking I did today.

Kyle Foote and I heard a crashing sound this morning. I thought it might be the Hosanna Shout and hankie waving from Temple Square delivering us from Covid19 but it wasn’t” hmmm maybe the crack of doom? Well in any case I will be munching on chocolate chip cookies if the end comes.

            Danny Montoya and Kyle spent a lazy day neither one having anything pending to do. Kyle finished his Bountiful Deck project and Danny’s job with the charter plane is on standby. They went out several times running around to get out. They bought some rolls of paper towels which are hard to find, and a stack of cleaning towels if needed.

            Jim Dabakis came by about 4 this afternoon to retrieve Taco Belle who was so excited to see his daddy, so I’m back down to just the 4 pups again. Jim said that he went and was tested for the Coronavirus but was negative because he was worried having had a fever for several days. I gave him some banana bread and chocolate chip cookies to take home with him.

I had a smothered Chili Verde burrito with my homemade pinto beans. I ate the beans first and was really full so I didn’t finish my supper “but it was tasty even though the roasted green chilies I used had more heat in them than usual but were full of flavor” I hope the old corona bug doesn’t stand a chance against chili peppers lol.

Kyle wanted me to show a movie in the Movie Room so I did later in the evening. I had a nice “Edu-gay-tional movie night” as Michael Ferguson used to call them,  showing “Boys in the Band” to Danny to show him what Gay life was like before Stonewall and Gay Liberation. He was born in 1993 so has no concept what we went through to get where we are today… we have come a long way in 50 years and I was along for the journey every step of the way.

            Before the movie I showed Kyle the Deadly Women episode “Jilted and Jealous” in which I was interviewed a few years ago. They had sent me a demo disc. Kyle wants to have a type of group on line movie night for my birthday this coming Friday.

Andy Dalrymple mentioned me, in his Gay Men Forum, after someone asked if there were resources for men over 60 years. He mentioned SAGE and then wrote, “Also reminds me of the great Gay Men Aloud that Benedgar Williams founded. I much admire and hope something of its type returns.”

I responded saying, “The concept of Gay Men Aloud was to have a place where older Gay men could socialize, share support, learn new lessons, and have pot lucks. It was geared for many older Gay men who often felt left behind from the community for which so many of us fought and died. I cherish the friendships I made from the group. It was my last hurrah of the many support groups and organizations I helped create” Wasatch Affirmation, Married and Divorced Gays and Lesbians, Unconditional Support, Beyond Stonewall, Sacred Faeries, and Utah Stonewall Historical Society. Times have changed and with social media people don't gather in groups so much anymore.”

Debbie Rosenberg is in quarantine after having visited Pine Creek, the Senior care center where an older woman died this past week and other residents and staff are also infected. She wrote she had “Direct care with non-symptomatic patients, who then tested positive. Wore my mask, gloves, sanitized area thoroughly between patients, washed and sanitized hands, sanitized and bleached anything I brought in and out. We all did our best that I saw over the past several weeks since Washington's outbreak.” She also said she didn’t feel well like having allergies.

The singer from the 1960’s, Marianne Faithful is in the hospital with the Coronavirus as is Boris Johnson the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Trump’s sociopathic personality is contributing to the death rates in America. As I recall there were something like 19 Republicans running for President in 2016 and Trump was their guy. The GOP owns this fiasco completely “they knew what a scam artist crook Trump was and they didn't care “ bastards.

My cousin Chris Johnson, who 29^th anniversary with his wife Dana is today wrote, “How many Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb? None, Trump just tells them he fixed it and they all sit in the dark and applaud.”

Merrill Crosbie also said, “I also remember all of them trying to debate and stop him, but his name calling and bullying just enamored his base. Romney was scathing. Jeb wimped out. Rubio said he had a small dick/hands. Cruz let him call his wife ugly and his dad a conspirator. Yeah the GOP is responsible but they didn't know what to do to stop him. His assholeness was just a novelty that the deplorables couldn't resist.”

6 April 2020 Monday

It’s been 2 weeks since my sister Charline Wachs died. I know it must seem so surreal for her family.  It was a much cooler day and breezier than yesterday, not that I left the house any. We had another little aftershock this morning that startled the pups.  

Michael Romero dropped Coco off today because he had some work related driving he had to do. She and Buster were fussing all day.

            I made some cheese enchiladas today following a recipe that didn’t turn out that well. When Mike came to pick up Coco I sent them mostly home with him.

Kyle Foote said he got the bid to work on the garage of the neighbor of the people in Bountiful who he built that deck. Word of mouth is some of the best advertising.

While talking to Mike, I was surprised when Kyle said that he and Danny Montoya had been tested for Covid19 after Danny had returned from Brazil last week. I thought it was odd that he never mentioned it to me but he said they both tested negative.

The death toll in Utah is now up to 13 with 5 having died this past weekend. Nationally the deaths have surpassed 10,000 mostly in New York City.

            This evening, I watched “Onward” a Pixar movie on the Disney Channel. It was just released to the theaters in early March but after all the movie houses were closed it was moved to the Disney Channel.

            I received my letter from the Utah Retirement System today and emailed a copy of it off to America First. It said I make $2500 a month for the rest of my life. Hopefully it’s the last hurdle America First is making me jump through.  

7 April 2020 Tuesday

Deb Rosenberg confirmed that she has Covid 19 and is being quarantine. She is a physical therapist who had visited a lot of senior centers. She is the first actual person I know that has contracted the virus.

            Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya left this afternoon for Wendover because Danny still keeps an apartment there. I guess they will be gone for most of the week. I got out of the house by taking Lulubelle for a long walk and then gave her, TJ, and Maxx a car ride since they hadn't been out of the house since I've stopped taking Coco home.

An appraiser is coming out tomorrow morning so I scrubbed the house tonight, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming and rocking to music from the 60s like the Kinks, Electric Prunes, the Cowsills, Jefferson Airplane, Turtles, Young Rascals, Loving Spoonful, the Classic IV and more “now if I could stop dancing I might get more done. The house isn’t really bad, just haven’t done maintenance housework beyond the dishes for a couple of days.

Kyle said that for my birthday he wants to have a virtual party with my friends watching the same movie remotely. It sounded odd to me but I didn’t say anything as he wanted to do something nice that day.

Bill Poore wrote and said, “I want to bring you lunch on Friday, like 12:30.  No big deal “I will buy it at Charlie Chows?   I know I don't want to do the movie”.so lunch will be my gift.” I said thanks for the offer” that he should wait because I don’t know that I really feel like eating anything. I told him that he should probably ought not to go out anyway. I explained that Kyle and Danny don’t self-isolate and are always going out but hopefully they won’t bring anything home but you never know. I said that they did get tested when Danny came back from Brazil and they were negative but who knows where you can pick this stuff up. It’s better not take any chances.

I posted on Face Book Frank Sinatra singing “All Alone” because that was how I am feeling tonight being shut in and not seeing anyone.

            In the news that Navy Acting Secretary who called that ship captain stupid for asking for help as many of his crew was sick with the Coronavirus resigned. Another deplorable bites the dust “we must sweep the whole Trump crime syndicate out of office in November “our lives depend on it.

            The Conservatives on the US Supreme Court refused to delay the Wisconsin primary making Americans have to choose between their health and voting.

8 April 2020 Wednesday

Happy Passover the time we celebrate when Egyptian Children were expendable. Deb Rosenberg posted that she indeed had tested positive for the virus. She wrote, “For me, it's about choices. Virus happens, but I can choose to bawl or choose to sing. Both are good for the lungs.” I wrote her back, “Sing out Louise.”

“In the Leafy Trees tops the birds sing good morning. They’re first to see the sun they must tell everyone.  In the leafy tree tops the birds sing good morning.” I think I've been shut in too long. Back in my married Mormon Days, Fran used to sing this to me in the mornings” now I've started singing it to the pups “I think I've done lost my mind.

I posted a painting of an angel carrying a fallen Gay man who was nude but not explicit in my Bad Boys private Group and I was told by Face book it violated community standards for sexuality and nudity and I had put the group site at risk of being removed. Face book censors are arbitrary and fascists since you can't appeal their decision to take down a post. It did not violate their community standards as it wasn’t sexual nor showed any genitalia. It pisses me off.

            The appraiser came at 10:30 like he said, wearing gloves and a mask. I kept my distance like I said I would. I doubt whether he was here more than 15 minutes measuring the house and taking some pictures. That was $500.

At lunch time,  I ate a cheese burger and potato salad. Well, some of it at least. Then I had me a surprise house guest again when Taco Belle came running in and made himself right at home. Jim Dabakis just lets him through the side gate and I never know he’s here until I see Taco. Probably no more than 30 minutes later comes bounding in Coco. I guess it’s party time at Fernleaf. Taco loves chasing squirrels in the back yard then they all like to lie in the bay window looking out at the world. Only Lulubelle and Buster are socially distancing themselves while TJ, Coco, Maxx, and Taco are huddled together.

My sister Donna Jones called me this afternoon to check on me.  She and Kevin are fine just anxious that everything goes smoothly about their move next week. She said their house sale will close on Friday and they will be in Bull Head City on the 15^th.

For most of the afternoon I just listened to 60’s and 70’s music on Pandora radio until Michael Romero came about 4 to pick up Coco. We visited some about the party that Kyle Foote is planning for my birthday that I wish he wouldn’t make a fuss. Mike is supposed to bring a cake and I said just go to Lucky’s and get a couple of those $1.50 individual portion cakes which will be plenty for sure.

We also discussed about just putting the money from refinancing the house into the bank for the time being until after this Trumpian Plague subsides. Who knows what the future will be if Trump and Russia try to steal the November election. He also said that Charlie Chows where Bill Poore had wanted to go was completely shut down without any curb service.

I decided to write down my Corona Virus shut in routine. In the morning about 6:30 I make coffee and lay in bed reading Face Book Posts. An hour later I am on the computer journaling for about a half hour making make my breakfast which I share with pups About 8:30 I get back on the computer and do research on either genealogy or Gay history. Lately I am mostly research my grandnephew’s Ferguson line.

Right before noon I usually take a break and go in the front room and cuddle with the pups when at Noon I watch Max Roth on Channel 13 midday news for about an hour and then fix some lunch which I also share with the pups. Feeling nappy I the go outside to soak in the hot tub for a half hour  then after getting out if I feel like it I do some baking or cooking before taking a nap with the pups with the pups at 3. 

Then up by 3:30 I check Face Book again  and at 4:30 start feeding the pups. I watch Channel 13 news with Kelly Chapman the new younger version of Hope Woodside. And around 6:30 begin to look for something for my own supper. I usually just snack. By 7:00 I am looking on Netflix, Hulu, Criterion, Amazon Prime, or the Disney Channel for something to watch. I’ve been re-watching Good Omens for the past couple of days. At 9:00 I start to unwind and play Spider Solitaire on my tablet and I am usually in bed by 10:00 checking Face book one more time.

By 11 at night there’s a puppy pile with TJ, Lulubelle, Maxx, and Buster and what other pups may be visiting on bed with me. Soon yard work will be included in my routine but not now. I’d like to go flower and plant shopping but I guess it is not essential.

In the news Bernie Sanders finally admitted defeat and gave up his Presidential campaign which he should have done a month ago. I never was a fan of Bernie Sanders, primarily because of his cult like followers, and that he was always a Socialist Independent. He hijacked the Democrat Party when he had never supported them before “he was never a consensus builder and rarely was able to build coalitions” however my main issue was with his base who gave the 2016 election to Trump, by less than 70,000 votes in key electoral states, by not voting”

While I agree with many of his positions and policies because I have always been a liberal Social Democrat all my life but I always vote Democrat over my own positions because fighting fascism is more important than anything else”

I wonder how many Sanders supporters are now going to not vote or even worse vote for Trump out of spite” I hope I am wrong but 2016 showed a pattern of behavior that is disconcerting.

What people are forgetting is the cabinet that Biden will bring with him, and a woman VP and progressives for the Supreme Court” Biden will have decent people in his administration who will try to undo the mess we are in now by having elected a narcissist who doesn’t listen to anyone nor cares about people who cannot enrich his family” have some perspective” Biden will bring in a cleanup crew “and he will only be a one term president due to his age but he will bring hope again that we can be the America we were before an amoral scam artist defiled our nation

Ron Holmgren's post. “I went shopping at Luckys and Winco. Frankly, going to those two stores was less dangerous than shopping at Smith's. Luckys was very clean and well stocked. They had a good supply of items Smith's has been out of for weeks. The aisles are so wide, it is easy to practice social distancing. Cashiers are friendly, and well protected. Since you bag your own groceries, you don't have some poor unprotected bagger exposing you or themselves. You also bag your own groceries at Winco.

They both have limits, and you are expected to practice social distancing. (Lucky has a meat deal for $20.00 I take advantage of each payday.)They have wipes for baskets and your use. Winco did not have wipes for shopping carts. Since I always have handiwipes, no problem for me.

Like Luckys, Winco has large aisles. Winco had some things not available. Both stores have a very limited supply of dish soap and hand soap. Both stores had toilet paper and paper towels. Luckys had a huge selection of water. Winco somewhat limited. Both had a good supply of eggs, but both stores had price increases. At both stores, it felt like things were normal. With limits.

And at both stores, I found they are cheaper on most items than Wal-Mart and Smith's. And I shopped for Kent. Last night he said he missed some nonessential things like special chips and candy bars. I fulfilled his wish list “and bought both of us chocolate Easter bunnies. And didn't eat his ears off his bunny.”

9 April 2020 Thursday

My last day of being 68 years old. This morning around 11 I went to Luckys on Redwood and 7^th North to get some groceries and dog food and treats. Lulubelle was down to just 3 Caesars cartons and that is about all she will eat.

I wore a pink bandana mask for the first time to get use to the new reality. I’d say more than half of the shoppers were wearing some type of masks so I didn't feel like an oddball. The Aisles were wide and people were being respectful of keeping distances.

I saw that paper products were back but I didn't need any but I did buy a bottle of Windex which was limited to just one per family, but there’s still no bleach or other disinfectants. A few people were doing major shopping but the checkout lines were not long at all” but quickly getting in and out, those days are gone for now.

While going through the checkout with my mask on I said to the cashier “I guess you don’t see many smiles anymore” and she laughed and I thanked her for being there. I think it's still important to thank people who are serving during these dreadful times.

When I came home I used the Windex to wipe down some of the packages as they are kind of suggesting we do now. It's a different weird world. My cousin Terrie Williams wrote, “I have been wiping my grocery packaging down too. It's a bit more time consuming but aren't we worth it? We have the time to do it but it seems a bit unusual. Our pantries will be a bit more polished and we'll be ready for spring. Developing cleaner habits has its upside.”

The weather is so nice this afternoon that I had to get outside and grub “I pulled up bishop weed where it shouldn't be my herb garden and dug an edge around the planter boxes to control the grass. It was outside for about 3 hours and it felt good being in the sunshine.

While outside, Jim Dabakis dropped by to retrieve Taco Belle. We visited a bit about my refinancing the house, and about Kyle Foote. He seemed to think that building the small house would be a good return on the money I am borrowing rather than just paying off debt. I also told him of some shows to watch that I know he will like.  “Good Omens” and “Downfall” are on Amazon Prime but “Babylon Berlin” is on Netflix. We all need shows to binge right now.

My daffodils and hyacinths are blooming but my tulips are late this year. Pictures from last year showed them all bloomed out. While it was pretty during the midday it’s supposed to rain tonight.

I made a pot of split pea and ham soup today but really didn’t eat much. I gave most of my breakfast of bacon, egg, and biscuit and gravy to the hounds and only ate a half a cheese burger for a late lunch.

Kyle Foote called me with exciting news he wanted to share with me. He was granted his Contractor’s License by the state with the proviso that he has to be bonded for two years because of his felony background. That is wonderful news for him. I guess my emotional investment in him was worth the effort in time and money spent.

Good Friday is the day when Christ died for humanity's sins but this Good Friday some are dying for Trumps sins “sounds like he’s the anti-Christ to me “just saying” kind of makes Melania the whore of Babylon” people are dying and she’s showing off a tennis court”

10 April 2020 Friday

Well, I am officially 69 years old today. So where on Earth was I born? Just outside of Earth in Amherst, Texas “my parents were farming in a little community called Hart Camp so small as not to be on a map.

Three years ago, I was celebrating with Alan Anderson in Mill Creek Canyon. It snowed in heavily April but today was quite lovely.  So, this is what 69 looks like” I need a hair and beard trim for sure. My beard will be down to my nipples before I can get one I fear.

This morning, I left the house to take my Honda Fit through the Mr. Wash car wash over on 3^rd west and 15^th South. It was still up and running but they shut down the individual vacuums. I then drove over to Arctic Circle on 17th South and 5th East to get a chocolate dip ice cream cone. Even though it was 11 when I got there and they said their chocolate dip wasn’t ready. Really? Oh well. So, I got a small raspberry shake instead but it didn't hit the spot that a chocolate dip cone would have.

I then went to Sutherlands to looks for Pansies but they didn't have a decent selection of flowers out yet even pansies and primroses. But I found a couple of yellow pansies 6 packs anyway and two 6 inch tomato plants that were on sale for $1.99 like last year. I only bought 2 this year as 4 was too many. I noticed that almost all the men shopping at Sutherlands were not wearing any face covering compared to people I see at the grocery stores.

Back at the house, buying plants made me want to work in the back yard so I rotor tilled the “lower 40”, cut some branches, and mowed the back yard again which all took about 3 hours. It gave me something to do while home alone. I love the smell of freshly turned over soil”. must be in my DNA.

Danny Montoya and Kyle Foote finally came home from Wendover around 4:30 this late afternoon. They brought me some colorful flowers and they went out to Panda Express for Chinese takeout. I wasn’t all that hungry but they wanted to celebrate my birthday with me. We wanted at first Chinese food from China Delight but I was surprised to find they were closed.

While checking my email I saw that America First posted my house appraisal already. I was delighted but kind of shocked that the house indeed was appraised at $300,000 so even with a new refinance of $180,000 I will still have a lot of equity still in the home. I was sure the house would have appraised at no more than $240,000. So, Kyle and Mike Romero will have a pretty good nest egg in the house after I am gone.

Well, the “Virtual” party was kind of a flop which I expected it to be because my older friends just don’t have the technical know how to do it and honestly I didn’t want to oblige anyone to watch a show just because it was my birthday.

However, Mike Romero came over with a small carrot cake and he ate Chinese with us. He had bought the cake at Smith’s in Bountiful who had turned it’s aisles into one way to limit social distancing. Kyle bought some candle numbers to equal “69” and posted a video of my blowing out candles and that was sweet but a lot of fuss for it just me being another day older.

We watched a couple of episodes of the first season of Frankie and Grace which neither Danny nor Kyle had ever seen. I think they enjoyed it more than they thought they would.

So around 9 at night Mike left and by 9:30 I was in bed. All in all it was a good 69^th birthday even though it is interesting times we are living in.  My birthday was not how I imagine it would be spending it socially isolated from friends but I am grateful I am not spending it in an ICU.

Thirty years ago, turning 39, I was doubtful I'd live to be 40 as AIDS was ravaging and decimating my friends. Most of my Gay friends and I did not plan for a future as we tried to take one day at a time as we put our lives on hold. The scariest part was that we were on our own. Even our own government didn't care whether we lived or died.

I understand the anxiety that people are experiencing now, the fear and dread of the unknown having gone through it not for a few weeks but for years. So, turning 69 I want to remember all those young men who never got to grow old when we were dying every 8 minutes and the Presidents didn't hold daily press conferences and most people said we deserved what we got. Indeed, I am grateful to be experiencing another natal day and thankful for best wishes.

I had a lot of best wishes on my Face book page. Too many to include here but there’s a few that were meaningful to me.

Benjamin Atticus West [Don Williams] wrote, “Happy Birthday, dear Ben! May the year ahead be filled with abundant health, laughter, and love. Thank you for being there as a guide as we were starting our young gay lives, teaching us to embrace our history and thereby to gain a greater understanding of ourselves.”

Terrie Williams wrote, “Happy Birthday. Just think of all those plays and dinners and day trips as an early birthday celebration. You have such a rich life. May you be able to celebrate again when all is clear.”

And Robert Smith added, “Happy birthday my dearest friend. You are truly one of the best and brightest of beings in our lifetime.”

Checking my email, I was surprised I had a birthday greeting from Jerry Smith who I hadn’t expected to ever here from again after telling him I was Gay last February. We share the same birthday too, year and date.

I got a hold of Bill Poore and I am going to go pick him up tomorrow for a ride to get him out of the house.

11 April 2020 Saturday

I felt a good aftershock this morning while I was at the computer. It jolted the entire house and startled the dogs but lasted no more than a second. They are still coming I guess.

I made 5 mini loaves of zucchini bread with chocolate chips from shredded zucchini I found frozen in the back of freezer from last fall. I had asked Bill Poore if he wanted to go for a ride to get out of the house and he did so I brought him two of the loaves and the ham and split pea soup I made yesterday. He’s growing a beard lol and looks like an old sea captain.

He wanted me to stop at Smith’s on 8^th South and 9^th East where he ran in to buy some flowers because he wanted to go see his folk's grave. I stayed in the car and waited and I thought it was interesting to see this scruffy young man probably in his 20’s who had a package of rolls of Toilet Paper strapped to his backpack. It’s an image that will stick with me.

Anyway, Bill came out with an Easter Lily and some mums. He gave the mums to me for my birthday and we drove over to the Wasatch Lawn cemetery on 33^rd South for Bill to put an Easter Lily on his mother's grave. While there he was staring at this cute guy and I said, “You shouldn't be lusting after someone in front of your mother”. Merrill Crosbie made a comment about our excursion saying. “What happened to staying home and social distancing?” I replied, “I was six feet from the grave and his folks were six feet under so no worries” besides if frigging golf courses can be open certainly going to a cemetery for Easter is allowed.”

Afterwards I wanted to drive around downtown to see what changes are taking place. We went by the Zephyr’s empty lot on 3^rd South and also saw that the Wasatch Plunge, which was the Children’s museum for a while, had been condemned as unsafe and it’s just a matter of time before they tear it down too.

We were only out for less than two hours then I came home and wanted to relax in the hot tub. As I was getting out I saw Jim Dabakis opening the side gate letting Taco in.  Taco Belle wanted to spend the Easter with his cousins. Jim said when he was on Redwood Road Taco got so excited” so he's spending Easter break here on Fernleaf. Taco loves coming to grandma’s house.

I had a simple egg salad sandwich with Fritos for my supper as the weather had turned gloomy. Pretty sure it's going to rain tonight. I finished watch “Good Omens” again. I just enjoy the interaction between Michael Sheen and David Tenant.

            In the News while the GOP wants to take health care away from millions of Americans Joe Biden proposes to lower the age to access Medicare. That is why I vote Blue.  Nancy Pelosi, speaker of the House of U.S. Representatives and a major player in pushing for coronavirus relief packages was first elected to Congress by San Franciscans in 1987, on a campaign promise to get additional AIDS funding.

            Trump is opposed to a national mail in ballot even though he votes that way in Florida. He also doesn’t want to fund the United States Post Office.

12 April 2020 Easter Sunday

Pestilences come and go but love always endures. Easter is a time to celebrate the renewal of life which is symbolized by many by a resurrected Savior.

            This morning, I made Buttermilk biscuits for breakfast and much later Kyle Foote cooked some bacon and eggs for himself and Danny Montoya. Kyle said his sister Jamie Fultz asked him to go visited their parent’s graves down in South Jordan. Danny went with him. They asked me if I wanted to go but I decided to stay home and prepare an Easter Dinner during the Trump Covidian Pestilence of 2020.

I fixed a turkey breast, corn bread dressing, candied yams, buttered corn, fried okra, turkey gravy, mashed potatoes, and deviled eggs with little crosses on them to keep the devil away even though we were having just a small group of Danny and Kyle who live here and Mike Romero who came over to give me a beard trim.

While they were gone to the cemetery, I called my sister Donna Jones to wish her a happy Easter. Her movers were coming today. I also called my niece Denise Wachs who was going to go see her grand baby, and I also called Alan Anderson to wish him a belated birthday and happy Easter. He said he ordered a pizza for dinner LOL. He also said he’s refinancing his house for 15 years at a 2.5 percent rate but I told him I just wanted the lowest monthly payments I could so that’s why I went with 30 years. He also said that he had never seen Frankie and Grace before and now he’s hooked so I am glad I chose that show for our group watch on our birthday.

I had dinner ready at 1 in the afternoon and I barely ate some dressing and cranberry sauce and then I felt stuffed but the others seemed to have enjoyed it all. After dinner Kyle and Danny went down stairs and I had Michael trim my beard that was getting pretty long and a quick haircut. He did a pretty good job considering.

He went home with Coco about 3 and I just cleaned up some before going and sitting in the hot tub myself. At one point I was concerned when I couldn’t find Taco anywhere but was relieved when Jim said he had come and got the pup. He’s like a phantom.

This evening, I watched “Europa, Europa” on the Criterion Channel. It’s still one of my favorite movies and an incredible story.

Dan Fahndrich sent me some pictures from Beyond Stonewall, a weekend summer retreat I organized in 1988 and ended in 1991. I was blond and 37 in 1988, in 1990 I had gone full Sacred Faerie and wore a babushka all the time that a sacred woman from Moab gave me to wear. I was 39”a very interesting time in my life in my prime as a Gay community builder here in Salt Lake” There was so much for us to do back then that we had to be fearless”

13 April 2020 Monday

Today is the 9^th anniversary of my mom’s passing. Charline is with her and Dad now. This morning two workmen from Sparrow electric came to the house and installed the electrical panel that will be inside the house downstairs and ran a lot of the preliminary cables for the solar panel meter that will be hooked up tomorrow when the power will be cut off for the day.

            I asked Michael Romero to bring his gasoline powered generator over so that I can have power at least for the freezers and refrigerators that are packed with food which he did. This morning I called the Dog Park to make an appointment to get Coco groomed but because dog grooming is not considered an essential business they couldn’t do it until the shutdown is lifted, possibly in May. She’s not too shaggy right now but is getting that way.

            I made another pot of ham and split pea soup today and had a bowl of it but ended up giving the rest away to Michael for helping with the generator.

            Kyle Foote was in Bountiful working on tearing out the back wall of a garage that he had a contract to do next to the old folks that he had built the deck for. He came home in the middle of the day to deal with Danny Montoya who felt trapped downstairs in the bedroom while the electricians were pounding and drilling and making all kinds of noises.

            Kyle said that one of the guys asked if he and Danny were brothers as they kind of look similar and he said that would be awkward as that Danny was his boyfriend. What a different world it is to be gay in than the one I grew up in.

            I had to strip my bed because someone wet in it. The dogs were inside much of the day because the side gate was opened. I guess they will also be tomorrow. They were barking almost incessantly because of the workmen coming in and out of the house. The handle to open the dryer came off the other day. I knew it seemed loose but Danny or Kyle must have yanked it too hard and it snapped off all together. Kyle said he’d order another part for it but who knows when. It makes it kind of inconvenient trying to get the door open. Oh well.

            The workmen finished around 2 in the afternoon so after that things calmed down. Danny took off somewhere for the rest of the day and even when Kyle came home from Bountiful I never saw the pair of them for the rest of the evening.

            I finished watching a black comedy called “Death of Stalin” that I actually saw at the movies a couple of years ago. I really like it because it’s so absurd and terrifying at the same time.

            I fell asleep watching some television and finally went to bed around 10:30. It was super cold today for mid-April. It was clear and pretty outside but the cold wind made it feel like it was in the 30’s. They said there would be a hard freeze tonight so I am glad I haven’t planted my tomatoes yet.

Four years ago, I took into two stray schnauzers “the younger one Wiley I managed to adopt out but the old one who I named Farley, I kept. He was such a sweet old boy but he died a few months after rescuing them” They were in such bad shape when I took them in but once groomed, they looked like schnauzers again” I miss Farley to this day.

More than 10,000 people have died of the Coronavirus in New York City and most of those deaths can be laid at the feet of the incompetent and callous trump administration.

Alan Anderson posted a game on Face Book where you list all the places you have ever lived so I did. Amherst, Texas, born 1951: Hart Camp, Texas, 1951” Lubbock, Texas, 1952” Downey's, California 1952-53” Garden Grove, California 1953-1971” Fullerton, California, 1971” Placentia, California 1972” Garden Grove 1972” Provo, Utah, 1973-1976” Garden Grove 1976, Salt Lake City, Utah, 1976-1977” Fort Worth, Texas 1977” Salt Lake City 1978” Grantsville, Utah 1978-1979” Salt Lake City 1979-1980” Miles City, Montana, 1980-1981” Ogden, Utah 1981” Santa Ana, California 1981-1982” Orange, California 1982-1985” [Back to SLC in 1985 and been here ever since]

14 April 2020 Tuesday

            The Sparrow workmen showed up right at 8 this morning and Kyle Foote had already left for Bountiful for his garage repair job. Danny Montoya left the house after taking a shower and I have no idea where he spent his day but he was gone until Kyle came home in the late afternoon.

            Mike Romero came over to start the generator and I plugged in the freezer and the refrigerators as well as my modem and computer so I had internet to work on the computer and spend time on Face Book but that was it. Although I didn’t do a thing today I was tired just from dealing with the pups who were agitated about having strangers in the house.

The electricians had the power back on for the house by 4 and they were completely through by 5 this afternoon. Kyle came home just in time to have them show him the work they did on the new electric panels. Now we have to wait about a week or more for the Power Company to come out and switch out the meter.

            The pups were finally happy to be able to go outside after being kept in all day because the side gate was left open.

            When Mike Romero came over to retrieve the generator at 6 this evening I asked him if he wanted to go to Chubby’s to order take out. I hadn’t eaten much all day except a few bites of a ham and cheese omelets I had for breakfast and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. He did so we ordered Carbon Asada Tacos and went over to pick them up. I bought dinner for letting us use the generator all day. I left a $5 tip on the $17 bill for them being opened.

            While eating at the house Kyle and Danny appeared with some Papa John’s pizzas but we were already having dinner. I guess they had gone up to the University Clinic for Kyle to get his PrEP medicine.

            Kyle and Mike both said their $1200 Checks from the government came today so later I checked my America First account and there was a check in there for me too.

While watching some television, about 9 at night the house was jolted again by a 4.2 aftershock, just a mile or two southwest of the airport near Magna. It only lasted about 6 seconds but enough to rattle the walls, sway the house, and startled the dogs.  I was tired so afterwards just decided to go to bed.

Face book's algorithm is weird” I am just now seeing birthday greetings from friends that were posted by them on April 10th in the morning” almost 4 and a half days later” I wonder how long it takes some to see things I might post? So, if I didn't respond and thank you then I wasn’t being a dick ”Face Book was”

In the news the governor announced that kids will be kept home for the rest of the school year and people are upset that Seniors won’t have any group graduation ceremonies.

            There’s now been 19 deaths in Utah from the Corona Virus.

15 April 2020 Wednesday

I had a craving for waffles in the middle of the night so at 3 in the morning I couldn’t sleep any more so I got up and made me some, and then I typed in my journal before going back to sleep about 4:30. It was another cool overcast day and I didn’t even bother getting dressed.

I wrote on face book, “It's 1 in the afternoon and I am still not dressed and in my bath robe” the pups don’t seem to mind as they are sleepy themselves due to the drizzly weather. I woke up earlier at 3 in the morning craving waffles lol so I got up and made a batch” then went back to bed at 4:30 and slept in until 7:30” I have no routine much anymore” now I have a pot of beans and ham hocks on the stove cooking” is it time for a nap yet? Its suppose to rain all day and tomorrow so no doing any yard work”

            I bet those workmen were glad they did all the electrical work yesterday when it was pretty out and not miserable like today.

            Kyle called this afternoon excited that his bond papers were ready and asked if after Danny goes picks them up I would scan them and sent them to him by email so he can send copies to his lawyer. They said that as soon as they received his bond, the state would issue him his contractor license. He was thrilled to say the least.

            I am going to start calling Taco “The Phantom” because all of a sudden he shows up in the house lol “ Jim snuck him through the back gate while I was lounging I guess. Happy to see the little guy.

            Steven Wood, the hippie dude who wants my shed came over this evening about 6 to start taking it apart. I guess he’s going to  take it apart piece meal it rather try to remove it as a whole unit.

16 April 2020 Thursday

I woke up at 2:30 in the morning and just decided to get up. I had a bowl of lima beans soup and worked on genealogy until 4 and then went back to bed. I got up again at 7:30 when I heard Kyle Foote drive off and went to make coffee. While standing in the kitchen another aftershock hit about 7:50 swaying the house back and forth as it rumbled through. The News said it was another 4.2 “ just annoying but no damage” This one was loud, however.

            I had a phone call from Kyle Foote this morning saying he had locked his keys in his truck at Lowes in Bountiful. He couldn’t get a hold of Danny Montoya who was still sleeping so I drove to Bountiful with his extra set. Since I was now out and about I ventured to Luckys to do a little grocery shopping.

I went at 10:30 and used a pink bandana as a mask although I doubt whether there were a dozen people in the store. Everything seemed to be back on shelves, even 5 lb. bags of flour, and paper products. I bought a package of napkins that I hadn't seen in weeks. Most people wore some type of face covering and the checkers wore masks and gloves.

I hadn't been out shopping for over a week and bought mostly some perishables, eggs and vegetables. I also bought what I needed to make meat loaf and some pimento cheese spread. Utahns don’t really eat cheese spread but it's a Southern staple and is so good on crackers for a snack.

And of course I bought more treats for the pups. They will eat before I do if I have my way. As I was shredding a carrot for the meatloaf, I thought about old Harleigh. He was the only one of my critters who ever ate carrots and apples. I miss him and am glad he had a good life and never went hungry. I wish all people could say the same.

            Jim Dabakis came over about noon to retrieve Taco Belle. He’s doing well and Taco was so excited to see him. I didn’t really do much else today as it was a bit rainy from last nice and although it later was sunny, it still was too chilly to work in the yard.

For supper tonight I had meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, and buttered bread” simple but filling. I shared left-overs from my plate with Lulubelle.

            This evening while I was watching Hair, Kyle came in all excited with the good news that his General Contractor License had been approved. It was sweet that he needed to share that with me. I got up and gave him a hug and he gave me a really deep affectionate one that I could tell was from his heart. It was after 9 so I decided to go to bed when Kyle came in and asked if I wanted to go get a celebratory shake with him but I declined as I was already in bed.

He later posted on FB, “It's official! I got word of my approval late tonight. I'm now a duly licensed general contractor in the state of Utah. Thanks to all of my friends for the support and encouragement over these past few months. I couldn't have done it without the support and encouragement of all of you, most especially Benedgar Williams. Now if you know of anyone in need of a contractor, please send them my way!”

I read where actor Brian Dennehy died at the age of 81. I always liked his films. My favorite is Cocoon RIP.

17 April 2020 Friday

I had two phone calls today. One was from America First saying that soon as the payoff of my existing loan comes through, by next week my new loan will be ready. The other one was from Michael Aaron of all people. He felt the need to share a dream he had about me. He said that I was holding a camp out like I did years ago and I wanted everyone one to climb down a cliff with my encouragement  but when Mike saw how steep it was he said no way and convinced other Gays not to follow. He went away but when he heard me say ‘last call’, he was frantic to rejoin but was too far away and was afraid he wouldn’t make it in time so he desperately called KSL to use their helicopter to get to the site in time. I wonder what was in his psyche?

Anyway, we talked for a while about past glories and also about the nude beach he was instrumental in founding, out near Stansbury Island about 45 minutes away, after Bare Ass Beach and Burmeister Beach were closed to the public. Michael is basically a nudist. His calling me however made me get over being pouty about what he said about David Nelson last December and so maybe I should start writing for him again.

            The weather was so nice I decided to do a little yard work. The board, which contained the herbal garden that I had planted in front of the bay window, had fallen apart so I hauled a bunch of castle bricks from the back yard and made a nice retaining border. It was a lot of work for an old man but it does look nice now.

            In the news Gov. Herbert had a press conference stating how the government was going to lift some of the restrictions on social distancing. It was all about the economy however no health professionals were at the press conference just politicians and the Mormon’s president of the Relief Society. The state parks are being reopened and people are going to be allowed back into restaurants but they still can’t sit down. I wrote that the Ruling Class is making the Working Class expendable.

            We had another tremor about 6 this evening that shook the house and startled the dogs. I adopted TJ 4 years ago today so today I call his birthday “he was so skinny and underweight when I adopted him and all his ribs showed” I wanted to call him Peanut but Bill Poore insisted on TJ for Tijuana. I took the pups, except for Buster who never wants to go, for a long ride downtown to see all the construction going on. We hadn’t really been out of the house for a couple of days.

            I watched the Coen Brother’s “Hail Caesar” on Netflix’s last night about Hollywood in the early 1950’s. It was okay but not one of their better ones. I did enjoy Channing Tatum’s sailor dance routine.

18 April 2020 Saturday

I decided to get some fresh air and I spent two and a half hours of yard work, mowing and pulling weeds in the front yard. It was a beautiful day for it and while picking up trash that gets thrown in my bushes, usually beer bottles, aluminum cans, and candy wrappers, I found something special this time. It was a pot dispenser container called Rove Glue cartridge. Weed in my weeds

Later checking my mail box, I found I had a package from my friend Michael Aaron West. He had his sister make me a beautiful face mask because he knew I didn't have one and had been using a bandana .How thoughtful and I do appreciate it that someone is thinking about my welfare during the trump plague.

My sister Donna Jones called this afternoon to say she and Kevin had made it to Bullhead City without incident. They are living in a complex called Bella Vita and she seems happy with it even though her furniture she had moved still hasn’t arrived. 

Taco Belle showed up this afternoon but I didn’t see Jim Dabakis drop him off. He knows that the pup loves coming over to see his pals.

I went to Arby’s for lunch and ordered a Geek Yeero, curly fries, and a small Dr. Pepper. However, the drink and fries filled me up and I never got to eat the Yeero. Maybe tomorrow.

Besides when Kyle Foote came home he said that he and Danny Montoya were going to bring home a celebratory dinner from Flemings, this steak house place at the Gateway. I really didn’t want them spending money on a steak dinner for me that I wouldn’t be able to eat but Kyle really wanted me to eat with them so to obliged I ordered a salad.

We had dinner about 7 in the evening and I guess Danny paid for it all to celebrate Kyle getting his contractor license. I am sure he spent at least $100 or more because the steak house was really pricey, like $40 per steak dinner. I had a thimble full of wine as we toasted Kyle’s new career.

It was the first time that Danny and I really shared much about ourselves. We are both Juniors and the only boy in our families and are the youngest of out siblings. Kyle shared stories with Danny about my writing for the Q and keeping a history blog.

After dinner Danny suggested watching a few episodes of Frankie and Grace which we did. I am surprised that they enjoy it so much. I have been watch some shows on Netflix about the Hassidic Jews. I swear religious cults are the cause of the greatest joy and misery in this old world.

In the news there have been insurrectionists in various city including Salt Lake City protesting stay at home orders to flatten the curb of the Coronavirus.

19 April 2020 Sunday

I was woke up last night at 3:15 with my phone making an ear piercing emergency squealing sound. So, I get up to see what was so important in the wee hours of the morning and I see that it was an Amber Alert”

And while I appreciate the necessity of the alerts, I doubt strongly that any of us who are self-quarantining at home are out driving around at night to spot the said vehicle. None of my pups are Dingoes so I know they didn't carry off any infants. Besides they are too lazy.

I couldn't get back to sleep so I put a load of dishes, from Kyle's Fleming's Steakhouse celebratory dinner, into the dishwasher and went back to bed at 4:30. Thankfully the pups let me sleep in until 7:30.

I hope whoever was kidnapped is found should and unharmed but they put the adductor in a Coronavirus Ward with no medical help.

Today was a really lazy day because the weather turned too cool for me to work out in the yard and I never saw Kyle Foote or Danny Montoya much today. Kyle came up in the late afternoon to inform me that he and Danny were going to Wendover to check on Danny’s apartment there and they would be gone until tomorrow evening.  That was all I really wanted from Kyle was to tell me where they are when they are going to be gone for a long period like I matter to him.

Jim Dabakis came over to retrieve Taco and we visited a little. He’s having his townhouse spruced up because of an appraisal he and Steve Jutesen had done. I told him about how much my house was being appraised at now.

After he left I decided to get out of the house and take the pups for a ride. I had sent a message to Bill Poore early this morning asking if he wanted to go for a ride today but he never responded back so since no one but the pups wanted to go, we went for a long Sunday Drive. I went up Redwood Road into Davis County to see what is new up there in Foxboro. There were lots of new business and I wanted to see where Lee’s Market was and Del Taco. Then we went west on Center Street to the polygamy compound over on 2200 West to let the dogs see and smell the cattle and sheep” I am between downtown Salt Lake and farm country. I love it.

So, I was home alone this evening and tried to find something to watch on the Tube. I ended watching kind of a dumb movie called “Blow the Man Down” about intrigue in a small Maine Fishing village. It was touted as a black comedy but it didn’t seem like one to me and the ending was completely unsatisfactory.

Dan Fahndrich sent me a message asking, what was the deal with Kyle’s “celebratory dinner.” I wrote back, “He was able to complete his contractor's license from the state by passing all his exams and posting a bond so he can work as contractor manager” he’s finished two projects in Bountiful “ he’s paying back restitution and is on probation until next December” it's good to see him turn his life around 180 degrees” prison was a powerful motivator to walk the straight and narrow “ Danny Montoya is his boyfriend” Kyle is working on a degree in construction management as well from Weber State””

I also had a request on Ancestry.com from a guy who found out from DNA that his mother was the illegitimate daughter of Dad’s cousin Gene Walker. Gene was my Grandpa Williams’ nephew by his sister Winnie.  So, I sent him information I had and told him a little bit about Gene and his family which I knew when I lived in California as a kid.

There are protests in different states by agitators upset about being told to self-isolate. They are clueless and completely anti-social pretending to be super-patriots. If police can pepper spray protesting California students a few years back why can't the police pepper spray these Insurrectionist protesting public health orders? Trump is the only President since Jefferson Davis to incite insurrection. 25 years of the hate ideology and rhetoric from Rush Limbaugh, Bill O Riley, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and Fox News couple with radical theocrats has poison the body politic.

When all medical advice is to social distance at 6 feet and shelter at home to protect vulnerable people from the spread of a potentially fatal virus” then yes these terrorists are endangering public safety and no one is endangering their liberty as they claim. They are so selfish and have no concern for public health” A New Yorker has died every 12 minutes from Covid 19 and here in Utah the death toll is now at 27.

Some idiot wrote on Jim Dabakis page that the Democrats had failed to pick a candidate that he could vote for and that we were screwed. I responded, “We are screwed because people like you can’t see the immediate danger Trump and his cult is for the American Republic” just hand trump 4 more years to destroy what is left of democracy ”Putin thanks you.”

20 April 2020 Monday

It’s always something with America First Credit Union about refinancing the house. I get a call this morning saying they needed a know if Loanpal, which is financing the solar panels, was a 2^nd mortgage on the house and that I had to contact them to find out whether it was subordinate blah blah blah. I am horrible with financial stuff but I called and tried to make sense of it all even though it didn’t to me. My loan account with loanpal is 20-13-018406.

Almost as soon as I was done on the phone, Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya came home from Wendover. Kyle was busy all afternoon getting a proposal ready for a construction bid for the people in South Jordan so I didn’t want to bother him. However, when America First said that I had to send them a copy of the Loanpal contract I was really frustrated because I knew I didn’t have it after looking everywhere.

As it was, Kyle had a copy of it on his phone as he initially was the person who was dealing with them. This process has really been frustrating and I am about ready to throw in the towel.

Kyle signed a contract with the pool house people today and was so excited that he celebrated by popping a cork from champagne that Danny had bought for the occasion. I had a sip or two also. He also said that the woman who was murdered by her boyfriend lived just down the street from the South Jordan folks and the police had the street closed so the guy had to go out to meet Kyle.

Deb Rosenberg posted that tomorrow is “Holocaust Remembrance Day Community Commemoration sponsored by United Jewish Federation of Utah”. So, I wrote her that I just finished watching “Europa Europa” again on Amazon Prime bases on a true story of Jewish teenage surviving at one point being a Communist youth and later as a Hitler Youth. I am also watching “Unorthodox” on Netflix about a girl raised in the Hassidic Jewish community who escapes from New York to Berlin to be free of religious restrictions.

Kyle said that the guy who is building a pool house is a Trump Republican. I never met a Republican yet who ever had empathy for any progressive issue until it affected them personally. I can stand before God and say I never voted for a Republican except once when I was a deluded Mormon following counsel of my Priesthood leaders back in the 1970s.

It was for Phil Hanson for Utah attorney general who turned out to be scamming little old ladies “It’s my one stain on my character. I have since repented and hopefully atoned for a complete lap of judgment “but I was young and trusting.

Utahns who still support Trump knowing what a vile human being he is are despicable themselves. This is not about politics but common decency. Trump is a thug plain and simple and appeals to other thugs.

People are commenting about the hundreds who attended a rally at Washington Square last Saturday upset about the county’s lockdown. There’s too many deranged anti-social self-absorbed people here in Utah for the governor to depend on people’s common sense. I say send in the police with tear gas to disperse these lunatics if they don’t care about spreading this disease to others.

Comments by others that I totally agree with are some of the following.

“It’s not about who dies, nor the percentage to population ratio of who dies, it’s not about who gets sick. It’s not about who has and hasn’t been tested. It’s about a lot of people getting very sick at the SAME TIME. NO WHERE could handle them all at once. How many ways do people have to hear this?”

“But let’s re-open the economy” folks need to wake the eff up already. Saturday’s rally demonstrated not only how trump feeds this frenzy, but that folks are still as ignorant as can be. It staggers the brain how science & reality never seem to penetrate some psyches.”

“I vote that the people protesting social distancing as a breach on their "constitutional rights" are automatically denied a ventilator when they are running low and choices have to be made.”

“The Death Panel’s we had been warned about under Obama turned out to be the Evangelical Republican Politicians, Donald Trump, the 1%, Fox News, Evangelical Ministers and evangelicals.”

21 April 2020 Tuesday

I didn’t do much today. I did venture out to go grocery shopping at Luckys and I wore the mask that Michael west sent me. I guess that is the new normal.  I didn’t need much mostly milk, eggs, dog food and treats and ice. I did buy some old fashion hot dogs and then that made me buy some sauerkraut and chili.  However, when I made a chili dog lunch I found that I could barely eat it because it was so filling. Same thing for dinner, when I cooked a hot dog and had it with sauerkraut and green beans.

            Kyle Foote has finals this week so between school and work he’s pretty busy. I spent most of the day and evening working on my grandnephew’s Ferguson family tree so I can send off what I have so far.

            In the news there’s a glut of crude oil in the world and the price for a barrel went negative in other words it cost more to unload it from ships then to sell it.

Roy Zang called me the other day melancholy because his divorce is really hitting him hard at this time when we are self-isolating. He wrote on Face Book today,  “Social Isolation has started to get to me “ I am very grateful that I get to go to work , but living alone during all of these has made me long for human company again. * I can’t wait to have people over for dinner again * I long for a movie ( hopefully not alone , but even if I am excited to go to a theater again) * Eating in at a restaurant SOOO so exotic !” I responded, “I and hundreds of others feel the same so you are not alone in sacrificing for the common good and helping health care providers not be overwhelmed.”

22 April 2020 Wednesday

It's the 50th earth day so I worked in my garden and yard. I planted my tomatoes and rearranged the post rails around the garden much smaller since Kyle said he’d need most of the area for building material when or if the Casita ever gets built. I also mowed the back yard since I don’t have a goat to keep the grass down and pulled a lot of weeds along the east fence line. It was a beautiful day and I was out for about 2 hours. The pups all stay outside enjoying the sunshine and yard when I am outside.

            I went to Sutherlands hoping to buy a couple of zucchini and yellow squash plants for the garden but I was surprised to see that they really only had tomato plants for sell. I ended up buy two packets of seeds instead and ended up planting them instead out in the garden. I did see that they had a gallon of bleach for $1.99 so I bought one also.

            I made spaghetti and meat sauce this afternoon for supper tonight. I wanted to use up some of the tomatoes I had bought yesterday. They were getting pretty ripe. I also made a green salad.

            When Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya came home, I didn’t see them much because Kyle did his final down in his room. However, when they did come up to eat Danny said that he was being transferred to Phoenix for about 2 months starting the 1^st of May. It is something he was dreading but better than San Antonio or Miami.

            So, he will have to give up his Wendover place that he really didn’t stay at much anyway because he was mostly staying here. Now he will have to find a place to live down in Arizona for a couple of months. I know Kyle and he are not happy about being separated but it is what it is when you are a flight attendant.

This evening, I watched The Living Desert on the Disney Channel one of their old nature films from the 1950’s before going. It was mindless yet entertaining.

            I sent Denise Wachs her son’s Ferguson’s family tree of what I have written so far. That was 34 pages of material. Denise also said that Tom Peavy’s wife wanted to contact me about what I have on Dennis Wachs’ mother’s side of the family. Dennis and Tom are half-brothers. I don’t think I’ve seen Tom in 40 years, mostly knew him when he was a teen.

            I was thinking of Brad Hart a lot lately and was wondering whether that relationship was over as I hadn’t heard from him for over a month. So, I wrote him, “I haven't heard from you for a while “I hope everything is well with you” I'd like to see you again, if you still would like to” if not that's okay too “take care of yourself and your pup “ Ben”. I was pleasantly surprised that this evening he responded, “I’m doing fine” sorry for not staying in touch. It would be nice to see you. Would you want to come over one of these next evenings?”. I really didn’t think I’d hear back from him. So, I wrote back, “I would love that” I know it's been crazy” maybe I could drop by tomorrow evening just for a little bit to see you.”

            I heard from America First this evening too saying that LoanPal hasn’t responded back to them yet and that I need to call them to get something released. It’s always been something.

A fun fact is that Stephen Holbrook who founded KRCL and Envision Utah helped start the first Earth Day here in Utah in 1970 when he was a student at the U of U” he's always been a Gay hero of mind and so underappreciated “ he also was at Martin Luther King’s “I have a Dream” rally and participated as a Freedom Rider in the South for Civil Rights” we old time Gay folks did a lot of good in this old world whether people remember or not”

In the news Trump is suspending all migration to the United States for two months. Dan Fahndrich asked rhetorically, “If trump closes the borders, who will be picking vegetables, etc.. for our grocery stores ?”

23 April 2020 Thursday

I think all I did today was be on the phone with America First Credit Union and Loan Pal. Kyle Foote was home for some of the day and we did a three way call with Loan Pal given us the run around. It was like a Catch 22 situation. Loanpal said we needed a form to request a UCC filing which we didn’t have and said we had to contact their filing department for which they had no phone number. The gal at America First was just as frustrated as I was and said that LoanPal had terrible customer service because I had a $40,000 loan from them and couldn’t talk to someone in the loan department for help. Loan Pal kept saying that the UCC was filed with the county recorder back in March 6 and America First kept saying the Title Company couldn’t locate it as being filed.  At this point I really don’t care whether I get the refinancing or not.

            Jim Dabakis dropped Taco Belle off this afternoon not long after Coco came bounding in so I had two extra pups today to keep me company on this much cooler day. It was much to cool to do any yard work.

            Kyle Was gone for much of the afternoon and Danny Montoya may have been gone as I didn’t see him either but he could have been holed up downstairs as far as I knew. When I went to take the trash barrels out to the curb for garbage pickup tomorrow, the 2^nd barrel was filled to the brim with items that Danny had discarded, clothes hangers, some clothes and lots and lots plastic drinking bottles mostly half full. I was curious about what all he was throwing away and took out all the plastic bottles, emptied the liquids and filled up my recycling bin more than half way with just plastic bottles alone. Surprisingly I found two unopened bottles of wine in the trash, as well as unopened water bottles, a can of beer, and a mini bottle of whiskey and a red cap. I saved all those things and took the rest out to the curb. I just don’t understand how wasteful some people can be. I guess they have never been as poor as I have been.

            When Mike Romero came over to retrieve Coco, I gave him one of the bottles of wine, and the unfinished bottle of wine that was still corked, that Danny and Kyle had the other day. The half a bottle of Champagne will just go to waste I suppose.

            I also gave Mike some frozen Italian Sausages that Kyle and Danny had bought at Costco that Kyle didn’t like and as Danny will be leaving Utah soon. Additionally, I gave Mike the old fashion hot dogs I bought at Lucky’s that was too hard for me to eat as well as a container of the chili I bought, some sauerkraut, and hot dog buns. I know he will eat them eventually and not let them go to waste.

            When Kyle did come home, he said that he may have a job installing covered rain gutters for some company to supplement income from jobs that Build Team has contracted. Then we got on the phone again for round two of dealing with LoanPal and America First who was really going to bat for us as that the refinancing had to be done by April 28^th within 5 days.  Hopefully it was all resolved but it’s way out of my hands.

            After feeding the dogs, I showered and changed clothes and went over to see Brad Hart around 6:30 this evening. I didn’t know what to expect and when he answered the door he had just gotten up from a nap and was in his robe. I gave him a quick hug and we sat in separate chairs to visit. I said I just wanted to see how he was doing. He said he was fine and he still has work and had been camping down in the San Rafael Swell area which he hopes to do more of in May especially for his birthday.

            He also talked about his dream of selling his Idaho property and house here and moving to Grand Junction, Colorado. That gave me a reality check that he and I really don’t have a future together. I think he was happy to see me and perhaps have company for an hour as he like the rest of us has been self-isolating but still he is so hard to read. I am realizing that while I care for him, he is a lot of work on my part to draw him out of himself and that we really don’t have many interests in common. I think he enjoyed me as a sex partner but truly we are not soul mates.

            I left about 7:30 and went to McDonalds that is just around the corner from his place and got a single hamburger and a medium Dr. Pepper for my dinner. Back at the house I could see that Kyle and Danny were out so I just watch some shows curled up with TJ, Taco, and Lulu Belle in my lap. I watched “Romancing the Stone” that was on Hulu. I always enjoyed that adventure movie but did not care for the sequel Jewel of the Nile. It was written by someone else than Romancing the Stone which was written by a woman.

            The only thing I heard from friends today was that Kevin Ball had to put down his Boston terrier today and Michael West wrote that they will have to put down their old dog who can’t walk any more tomorrow. It’s been a sad year for people losing their pets all as 47,000 people losing their lives due to the Coronavirus. Rich Kane, Ron Holmstrom, Kevin Ball, and now Mike West have had to out their pets down.

My sister Charline Wachs has been gone a month now. It seems strange that I still see her showing up on Face book as having liked something I had written before she died.

            In the news, Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s older brother died of Corvid 19 and Rep. Maxine Waters has a sister dying of the disease. Trump asked during a briefing whether injecting disinfectants would cure the disease. This man is mentally ill and no one will step up to curb the disaster that is his presidency.

24 April 2020 Friday

            I worked on some genealogy this morning before going out at 1 in the afternoon and spent 3 hours in the backyard moving castle blocks, trenching grass, pulling weeds and hoeing along the south side of the house.

I noticed a little peach tree growing next to the house’s foundation from peach pits I had dumped off the deck for compost years ago so I dug it up and transplanted it out to my garden area.  I watered and fertilized so hope it survives the move.

I heard a lot of lawn mowers going in the neighborhood. The stay at home squires are out in full force.

I am pooped but satisfied from tilling in the soil. The pups are tired too because they stay outside with me the entire time while I am in the yard.

I think we are done with a frost but if it does happen I will just cover my tomato plants. I had to plant my squash from seeds because I couldn’t find any starters” I like being in the yard because actually gets you to see everything blooming and my lilacs are starting to flower. We Williamses got soil in our blood.

Danny Montoya is in a quandary over how to find living arrangements in Phoenix for the two months he will be down there.  The only time I heard from Kyle Foote today is when he wanted me to print off a contract he has for the pool house that he will be managing the construction of down in South Jordan.

I had a call from Tammi Hass from America First saying my debt ratio was too high and they are reducing how much I could borrow but I agreed to it anyway. She said it was like for only $170,000 but my payment would be $1030 a month. Then later she called and said that my Visa Card was too high and wanted to know if I was going to use some of the money to pay it off and I said of course that was my intention. Then Reneigh Giessman who has been the best to work with said that I needed to date one of the pages that was skipped when I went into America First last April 2^nd. It’s always something but maybe it will all work out. I feel like I am doing much of this for Kyle’s benefit and I never have any interaction with him anymore now that he’s out of incarceration and has Danny in his life. Old person syndrome.

I asked Bill Poore if he wanted to go for a drive tomorrow to get out of the house and he did. That will be good for both of us.

            I was feeling kind of melancholy this evening sitting alone in the house watching a Walt Disney program on the Vanishing Prairie. Kyle only came up long enough to borrow locks to lock up his new work trailer. He never stopped to visit and ask how my day went. No one asks me how my day goes. I guess I am still feeling blue over the visit with Brad Hart yesterday and not getting the reception I thought I would.

            Evidently Danny and Kyle went out for dinner without asking me, so around 8 I took the pups for a ride down to Apollo Burgers and ordered a Junior Apollo burger meal. Even that was too much for me because at home I filled up on the French fries and couldn’t eat but a bite of the burger so guess who helped me eat the rest of it?

Debbie Rosenberg wrote that she is now testing negative for the Coronavirus. That is great news. In national news it seems like everyone is posting funny comments about using bleach and other disinfectants internally because Trump posed the question about the use of them to kill the coronavirus.

25 April 2020 Saturday

Bill Poore and I took a 3 hour drive to get out of house. We didn't stop anywhere or get out but just drove and visited with each other. I went and filled up the FIT first. Gas at Sapp Brothers on 13^th South was still $1.99 and I spent $14 filling up the tank. I am not sure why it still hasn’t gone down more. Places in Wisconsin are selling gasoline at 75 cents a gallon, cheaper than bottled water. It’s like they are giving it away. I then went to Mister Wash and ran my car through the car wash. It wasn’t all that dirty but since I am paying monthly for the service I might as well while I’m over on 3^rd West and 15^th South.

From there I went and picked up Bill. I gave him a mini zucchini bread loaf as well. He still is looking kind of scruffy like the rest of us, I suppose. Hair is growing out of my ears like an old man.

We drove up through Emigration Canyon where there were so many bicyclists, probably hundreds, on the narrow road, and then we drove over Parleys Way because I wanted to drive through Heber which I haven't been through in years.

Bill made me take a detour over to a fishing hole where the Provo River flows into Jordanelle reservoir. However, at the turn off these asshole motorcyclists kept revving up their bikes  filling my car with plumes of exhaust fumes. I had to roll my windows down to keep from gasping and I know it was hard on Bill because his lungs aren’t all that great as it is.

The place he likes is now a state park and Bill said that it was his favorite spot to fish. There were so many people there fishing like it was a holiday but I guess people are out because there’s nothing else to do.

Driving into Heber it's always beautiful seeing the backside of Mount Timpanogos and down through Provo Canyon. However, people were driving like crazy, pulling out in front of people, and cutting people off. There were a multitude of cars in all the parking spaces in the canyon.

Once out of the Canyon, we drove down into Provo, passing by BYU, the Devils University. There have been so many changes to downtown since I was there 45 years ago. We drove up State Street through Orem, Lindon, and Alpine before catching I-15 to head back to Salt Lake City. Gas prices in Utah County were the cheapest I saw” about $1.75 a gallon.

It was getting quite warm driving home so Bill asked me to turn on the air conditioner which I did but I was kind of concerned when it never turned really cold. I thought maybe I was out of Freon but thought how could that be with it being basically a new car? Later after dropping Bill off about 2:30, I looked at the dash and saw there was a button to turn on the A/C. I had never used the air before since I bought the car in the fall and drove during the winter.

Bill had wanted to take me to lunch but he never mentioned it so we didn’t. I think he said he had some stomach issues this morning anyway and I was still rather full from making pancakes this morning so we never did stop for lunch.

On 3rd West, I see this jerk turning left into 6th south which is a one way street not paying any attention to all the signs saying one way and cars were coming towards him. I was glad to get back home safely from the way people were driving” but it was a gorgeous day to see some of Utah's scenic canyons.

Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya needed to go out to Wendover to clean out his apartment there but first they had some supper here and we watched an episode of Frankie and Grace. They took off by 9 tonight and said they wouldn’t be home until tomorrow.  Kyle was being awfully thoughtful of me tonight even offering to share his Ramen Soup.

I started watching True Blood again now that it’s streaming on Hulu. It’s like Vampire porn.

26 April 2020 Sunday

I spent most of the day alone and didn’t see anyone until Jim Dabakis came to pick up Taco Belle and Danny Montoya and Kyle Foote came in around 6 this evening.

            I spent much of the day doing genealogy research to past the time and watching TV. I did go into North Salt Lake to Del Taco to get some lunch and I also stopped at the Family Tree up there across the way. It was so much nicer and cleaner than the one down here on Redwood and 7^th North.

            I also called my sister Donna to see how she is doing. I guess she’s all settled in since her furniture came last Monday. I am sure it feels more like home now and everything is clean and new compared to the dump Ken had made of their home in Yucaipa. She said it’s going to be in the 100’s this coming week but they have good central air. So, I guess she is doing fine and grateful that everything worked out before the Coronavirus had shut everything down in California.

            Other than that, I didn’t do much today. What is there to do? The only yard work was watering the front and back yard. Now that the sprinkler system is out of use, I suppose I will be hand watering all summer.

            When Kyle came in he said he was super tired from packing up Danny’s stuff, unpacking it into a storage unit where he’s going to keep his work trailer and doing some shopping for some part he needed for a ladder so he can use it for his leaf gutter job.  He wanted to talk to me about some of approvals he had for the tiny house but I was too tired to listen much. I tried to tell him about some of my anxieties but he mainly said that my anxieties were making him anxious. So, there’s that.  Then he went downstairs to relax and spend time with Danny so again I was alone for the rest of the night.

Bill Poore wrote, “Been watching William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy on Star Trek. I waited on Shatner at a small dinner party in Santa Monica. I brought him a scotch on the rocks, and a pasta dish, he had two helpings. He was not very friendly. I met Nimoy at a meeting, actually talked with him for some time. He was very warm friendly man. One thing, William did not finish his drink, maybe just a couple of drinks from it. He is for sure not a drunk but he loved his pasta.” Bill’s producer friend Charles Lago commented on Bill’s post, “William Shatner I have met several times at various conventions I attended with people I manage . He is, as they say “A monumental prick! And I don’t mean in a good way.”

            Over 51,000 Americans are dead from Covid 19 with 41 people dead in Utah.

27 April 2020 Monday

I expand my new garden area over to the east fence line this afternoon by moving the posts and cinderblocks around but didn’t rotor till the area. I will do that tomorrow. Other than that, I wasn’t too productive today. America First finally approved my loan after all this time. I need to meet Brandi Sajec at First American Title Insurance Company over on 2733 East Parleys Way, Suite 380 Salt Lake City UT 84409-9983 801-463-2755 at 4 in the afternoon on May 5^th. The Appraised value of my house is $300,000 and my loan amount is for $169,500 at 3.625 percent interest. My principal and interest is $773 but with Taxes, escrow and other assessments that’s another monthly $223. So, my total monthly payment with be $996 starting on July 1^st.  The closing costs are $4500 and my payoff of my old loan and my credit card and line of credit is $109,146 so out of that $169,500 loan I will get $55,772 to use.

            I went to Betos to get 5 rolled Taquitos for my lunch but had a time of it finishing 4 of them. I didn’t do much else and only saw Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya briefly. I watched some True Blood and that was about all this evening.

I got a notice in the mail from the IRS about receiving the assistance money that had Trumps’ signature on it. He acts like it was his money when it was our taxes that were returned” I doubt if that bastard has ever paid taxes “and he wants to destroy the USPS and yet used it to mail out millions of these letters” unbelievable.

28 April 2020 Tuesday

The owner of the Sparrow Company came out to install a connector box that the Power Company wanted before they would come up to hook the Solar panels to the grid. He said that it might be two weeks before The Power Company comes out to hook it all up and they will do it without warning.

            I rotor tilled some of my garden this afternoon and planted some beans and cucumber seeds but that’s about all the yard work I did today. I accidently ran over an old tree limb that got stuck in the rotor tiller blades that I had a devil of a time getting it unstuck. I actually had to saw the limb out but I did it.

I went to Arby’s for a Reuben Sandwich for my combination of lunch and supper….Lupper? or Sunch?

            As I was getting ready to take the pups for a ride Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya came home and that was the only time I interacted with them.

            There’s not a whole lot to talk about. I am not all that hungry anymore just kind of bored. I know I am not eating anything balanced. I’ve been wanting something sweet to eat but not sure what. I want a slice of some white birthday cake with a rose frosting and a scoop of vanilla ice cream” is that asking for too much? It's my go to comfort food. I think I want white cake because whenever there was a family celebration with the Williamses there was always a store bought cake with roses” brings back fond memories.

            It was a gorgeous sunny day but the pollen count they say is really high. It hasn’t affected me much except for occasional sneezing. 

29 April 2020 Wednesday

I went to Smith’s this morning at 7:30 during the Senior time although there weren’t very many people in the store. I think the panic buying is over for now. I wanted to get some breakfast items and something sweet like donut holes. There it looked like most everything is back on the shelves but still practicing social distancing guide lines, one way aisle, and protective shields for the cashiers. I finally bought myself my white cake also.

            As I was leaving to go pick Bill Poore up at 11:30 this morning to take him to Centerville for him to buy some bedding and to get out of the house, I was surprised to see Kyle Foote in his truck in front of the house.  He later told me that he had come home to take Danny Montoya to the airport. Danny went home to Las Vegas to see his folks and friends there for a bit before he has to be in Phoenix for two months.

            In Centerville, we first went to Wal-Mart which was not busy at all and also had one way aisle for shoppers. He bought some pillows and a mattress pad but didn’t see any comforter that he liked so after purchasing his bedding at the store we drove over to Target. He was not real happy with the selection there either but he was really getting tired and winded. He really is starting to need oxygen and he can’t wear his mask over his nose because he can’t breathe.

            After leaving Target instead of getting any lunch because neither of us was really hungry we just went to Arctic Circle to get a chocolate dipped ice cream. He wanted to pay but Arctic Circle doesn’t take cash anymore so I just paid using my debit card. Bill is having a hard time adjusting to the new reality. I told him people don’t take cash like they used to now because of the spread of virus. But we both enjoyed our ice-cream on the way back to the house where we stopped for a bit so Bill could visit with the pups.

After taking him home, I stopped at the Glendale Smith’s on 9^th West to get some discounted meat for the pup’s supper tonight. After that I kind of stayed in until Kyle came home. The Cottonwood cotton is flying and pollen is high but I’m just sneezing some without out any real hay fever symptoms.

When Kyle came home from work, that is when he told me that Danny had left. I think Kyle was glad for the break from him because Danny was becoming needy being bored here and frustrating when Kyle has so much work to do right now. Actually, Kyle and I had a good visit, first in a long time, about his business and work. I think he needed someone to just listen.

I had Kyle look over the final refinance agreement before signing it and sending it electronically to America First. I guess I will be getting $57,000 after all is paid off to build the Casita in the back yard. My payments will be $995 which is about $150 more a month than I am paying now.

When he needed to go get a power cable charger for his phone, I went with him into North Salt Lake to the Maverick there on Center and Redwood. I just wanted to spend some time with him. We even stopped at Del Taco and got some shakes before heading home.

I watched an episode of True Blood before calling it a day.

30 April 2020 Thursday

This afternoon I mowed the front yard and the south parking strip. It needed it. I should pull rag weed along the fence line but that’s for another day. It was a pretty day this end of April. Tomorrow the state is lifting some of the stay at home orders so many people are looking forward to going back to work.

            I didn’t see anyone today and I suppose everyone is okay or I would have heard. I haven’t been eating much today but enough I suppose. I had at different times a kraut dog, a tuna boat, and a chili dog and of course my pups helped me.

            The weather turned cool in the evening so I decided to work in the yard rather than just sit in the house. Sometimes I feel like Sisyphus, the Greek punished by the Gods having to push that boulder up the hill when I’m doing yard work. It’s never ending. I spent 2 hours this evening moving border stones and digging up the grass in between them in the front yard . I’m still not done but should look more groomed when I am done. There will be a day I won’t be able to do so much yard work but that day isn't today.

            Kyle Foote went to Centerville after work to talk to some people about a house renovation project. He was gone 3 hours while I worked in the yard. When he did come home he sat with the dogs and shared with me his frustrations with Danny Montoya. He sounded like he wants to break up with Danny because Danny is so demanding of his time and always creating drama. I guess the bloom is off that rose. I said that it must be hard juggling a new career, school, and a relationship all at once when just a year ago he was down at Lone Peak incarcerated. It has to be somewhat overwhelming. I guess one of the main sources of contention is that Danny is so jealous of Kyle thinking he’s not giving him enough attention when Kyle feels like he’s being overwhelmed. Well, there is a big difference between being 29 and being 40.

            I watched an episode of True Blood before going to bed at 10 tonight. So ends my birthday month spent mainly in isolation at home but really not much different than what I usually do anyway. Only difference I can see is that I used to go to Deseret Industries and grocery shopping more often. Also, I used to cook and bake more when I would see more folks but don’t bother as much when it’s just me.

An estimated 47,434 American soldiers were killed in battle during the Vietnam War, which spanned from 1964 to 1975. An additional 10,786 died in the theater of war, but out of battle “ The Trump Administration's incompetence and greed has killed 60,000 Americans in two months so far” so much winning.

MAY

1 May 2020 Friday

Merry Beltane! Enjoy the lusty month of May my faerie friends even in quarantine. It’s a new month and Governor Herbert has lifted some of the restrictions on social gathering and is letting some businesses reopen. It rained a little this morning but the news said that April was the driest April ever on record. I know it seems like it never rained but being inside a lot I guess I never noticed it that much.

            I threw out the carpet rug I had in the front room after I rolled it up to mop the floor and saw that it had been really peed on. Time to replace it, so I ordered another one just like it from Amazon. I went to Sutherlands looking for a temporary carpet but they were way too expensive for what I needed so instead I just used all the bathroom rugs I had bought for Harleigh so his little wobbly legs could stand on the laminate flooring.  The pups like having a little rug to lay on rather than the hard floor.

            Really mopping the house good with bleach water was about all the work I did today besides a couple of loads of laundry. I did make some homemade chicken enchiladas for supper. Kyle Foote had some when he came home around 6 this evening.

            The U of U awarded Dr. Kristen Ries an honorary degree yesterday at the virtual graduation. Those of us who survived the AIDS pandemic will always be grateful to this dedicated health professional who worked with Gay Men when no one else in the state would.

2 May 2020 Saturday

I worked for several hours methodically writing up Nate Ferguson’s Huston’s ancestors that I know he will never appreciate or perhaps even read. But he is my folk’s great grandson and has given them a great-great grandson. In the afternoon I was going to hot tub some but the deck was covered again with tree leaf debris so I blew off the deck with the leaf blower and while I had the extension cords out I thought I might as well mow the back yard as it needed it.  I watered the garden but that’s about all the yard work I did today.

            Another day of self-isolation, and I guess everyone is okay or I‘d have heard something I suppose. Only time I went out was to take the pups for a ride and to go into North Salt Lake to get a bite to eat at Del Taco. I bought a tostado, bean burrito, and a taco and it was way too much to finish.

I started watching a Netflix series called Hollywood. It’s a Ryan Murphy series about post World War II Hollywood with fictionalized versions of Rock Hudson and other Gay characters.

            Kyle Foote didn’t come home from work until 8 this evening and told me a little about his day while he cooked one of his Costco Frozen pizzas for his dinner. He didn’t inquire about my day. He said that Danny may be back this coming Monday. Oh well, I don’t see much of him anyway even when Danny is away.

            Some guy on the Gay Forum asked why do Gay people have to come out if straight people don’t have to? I responded saying, “Coming out is like wearing a mask “ it's not so much for you as for other people who are struggling “I am old enough to remember when no one was out and we felt like we were all alone” if you don’t feel like it's necessary to come out be thankful for all the people who put themselves out there for you “”

            Bill Poore wrote on his page trying to be funny, “They say all dogs descend from wolves. If you ever go to Benedgar Williams and see TJ and Lulu Bell you will see what they are talking about”. Vicious little baby wolves.” I responded, “You're no little red riding hood either.”

            American sociopaths are attending different state capitols armed with weapons to intimidate people and demand that governors lift restrictive bans on gatherings. Trump of course supports these insurrectionists. Why is it that Trump calls the fascists and Nazis that were at Charlottesville and those in Michigan “Good People” but Blacks who take a knee to protest police killings are called “Sons of Bitches.”

3 May 2020 Sunday

            It was cool out for most of the day. After typing up genealogy about 11 this morning I went to Lucky’s to buy some food for the pups and treats. The store was busier than I had seen in weeks and what surprised me the most was how few people were wearing face masks compared to last week. I guess they think Herbert’s soft opening means the pandemic is over. I wore mine.

            Then I changed into some work clothes and went to finish the yard project I started the other finishing the rock and stone border between my lawn and front yard garden. I made a straight border for the stones to help keep the grass and weeds at bay.

While I was having lunch of a sauerkraut hot dog, Taco Belle came bounding like a phantom. So, I guess he will be a guest for a couple of days.  

            When I finally saw Kyle Foote come out of his room at 4 this afternoon he said he wanted to replace my old mail box. So, I went and started pulling up the weeds and wild grass that took over the small spot where the mail box is located and Kyle dug out the old mail box post that I had for 23 years. He replaced the metal post with a treated wood post that will last another 25 years for sure. He then placed on the wooden post the new mail box that Danny Montoya and he bought me last Christmas that was approved by the Post Master General.  It only took about an hour for him to dig a new post hole, pour in concrete and install the new mail box while I pulled weeds.

            The rest of the evening he went downstairs and I watched some TV. I watched an episode of the Netflix series “Ozark” that Kyle and Danny had recommended. I don’t know if I will like it, even though the story is compelling, simply because so far none of the characters are likeable.

4 May 2020 Monday

I was going to do some yard work this afternoon but I only managed to transplant the Cactus from where it was hidden by the pine mongo pine bush to a pot that I could place more directly in the sun. This is the cactus I brought back from Grandpa’s farm the last time I was back in Texas probably 25 years ago. Then Kyle Foote drove up and asked me to help him unload his truck and trailer at his storage unit as he was taking them down in the afternoon to have a Build Team advertising wrap put on them. So, I followed him in my truck to his storage unit in North Salt Lake off of Center Street and the train tracks.

After placing everything into his storage unit I followed him down to 27^th South and 3^rd West where he had to have his truck and trailer washed before taking it over to the Queen of Wraps. I also stopped at McDonalds and got him a Happy Meal as he hadn’t eaten all day.

After coming back to the house, he took the Sonoma to Murray to do a job working for the Gutter leaf company. He was there until 7 in the evening. I watched a little Television and started watching the old Gothic soap opera Dark Shadows from the 1960s that was so popular when I was a teen. Back then I really didn’t follow it much but I knew it was popular with even a “Quentin Collins Theme” song on the radio in the summer of 1969.

            I took the pups for a ride and went down to Arby’s to buy some curly fries and a Dr. Pepper drink. I wasn’t all that hungry.  I did call Jim Dabakis and he said he’d pick up Taco tomorrow. I wanted to tell him that I would be shutting the doggy door when I go out tomorrow to sign the refinancing because I didn’t want the hounds to get loose if the power people come through the gate while I am not here. That is my biggest concern. He also said he wanted to talk to Kyle about gutters on his place over on B Street.

            Roy Zang called to visit some and to tell me about concerns he had about the Pride Center maybe not doing Pride Day this year after all. I guess the center has laid off 15 people and are also hurting for donations. Pride Day is their biggest fundraising event, and if that doesn’t happen they will be in a world of hurt.

            I tried watching “Ozark” again but even if Danny Montoya and Kyle are into it, I am not. It’s too dark and the main characters so unsympathetic. I am just not into drug cartels and murder I guess since my youngest cousin Greg Williams was murdered by a drug gang back in 1985 when he was 23 years old. I like the show “Hollywood” so much better.

            I canceled my appointment with Dr. Stoneburner for Wednesday and rescheduled for July 14 at 8 in the morning. They wanted me to do a virtual visit because of the Coronavirus and I said that since I was feeling fine and was just coming in for a wellness check I postponed my visit.

One of the most defining events of my young life was the Kent State Massacre. It was a Monday and I was working at Taco Bell with John Cunningham when he comes running up to the front counter from listening to radio in the back, yelling "They're Shooting students at Kent State."

I had attended the October 1969 War Moratorium and my draft lottery number was coming up in the summer. I was attending Cypress College full time working hard to keep John and my student draft deferments valid. Young men were being slaughtered in Vietnam at the rate of 300 or more a week, most of them young draftees.

Ronald Bastard Reagan was Governor of California and when there was a call to shut down the Cal-State Colleges and Universities in solidarity with Kent State, Reagan replied he'd keep them open at the point of bayonets. When he knew property would be damaged he did an about face and closed the institutions for a week.

I didn't attend classes at Cypress then but drove over to Cal-State Fullerton where some staff and mainly students held what they called "Free University". Lots of anti-war booths, anti-Nixon and Agnew speeches and condemnation of Reagan “Lots of tie dye as well as army and navy surplus wearing students. The invasion of Cambodian and widening the Indo China war were what prompted the anti-war protests “hundreds of American youth were dying in Vietnam when the administration knew the war was futile.

50 years later we have chicken shits protesting that they can't go out and get a haircut. Reagan created this new uber-rich and religion complex as dangerous as the Military Industrial Complex.

5 May 2020 Tuesday

It’s Cinco de Mayo and Taco Tuesday so the cosmos have aligned. I posted a picture of Taco Belle and said I was having a Taco today. Kyle Foote had to go to the DMV this morning to register his truck and trailer and asked to borrow a bandana as the place is requiring face masks. He also had to check in with his parole officer. After that I didn’t see him for the remainder of the day. The only important thing I did today was go to First American Title to sign all the refinancing documents at 4 this afternoon. I went over there a bit early to make sure I could find the location and because I was a bit anxious about the whole deal.

            My title officer said that America First screwed up again by given me the wrong address to meet with the First American Title Officer who had to come up from the Midvale Office to the Foothill office on Parley’s Way. That area had changed so much since the 1980’s when K-Mart used to be where Wal-Mart is now and it was at the Regency Theater where I saw Hair Spray. It is now an office complex. There used to be a restaurant called Cowboy Grub in the same location too that when I worked at the Special Event Center back in the late 1970’s. Gary Ratliff, the crew, and I used to take our lunch breaks there.

            Anyway, the title officer said that the Solar Panels loan should never have been attached to the house as it was a personal property loan like a car loan. She said that they have issues with that all the time with solar panels.  It took me nearly a half an hour to sign all the documents. I was given a flash drive that contained all the documents rather than paper.

            When leaving I ordered a Papa Murphy’s Hawaiian Pizza that I picked up after getting back to the Rose Park area. I was home by 5 and I thought Kyle might be hungry but I didn’t see or hear from him until nearly 8. So again, I ate alone and just a couple of slices.

            Both Coco and Taco were gone when I came home. Mike Romero had dropped her off earlier when he had to do some running around for work. I told Jim Dabakis just to come into the house to get Taco Belle as I had shut the doggy door, just in case the power people came into the back yard but they didn’t.

            When Kyle came home I expected him to ask me how the signing went but he didn’t and only told me about his day when I asked him. I know it was a long day for him but I kind of wanted him to sit and visit with me for a while but then expectations only lead to disappointments. I guess I am not the only one who is feeling lonely. Danny Montoya came in around 10 tonight after I went to bed.

            The pandemic in America has killed nearly 67,000 and people are still going out and about their business like it doesn’t matter. I wonder if it’s a coincidence that when evangelicals made Trump their Messiah that America was hit with a plague.

            Wendy’s hamburger joints are running out of supplies of fresh meat due to so many meat packing plants having employees affected by the virus. Some markets are limiting the amount of meat a person can buy to avoid an artificial shortage like with the run on toilet paper and disinfectant did. There’s supposed to be plenty of meat as long as people don’t hoard.

6 May 2020 Wednesday

Some days only taking care of my pups brings me joy and gives me purpose” on other days, especially with self-isolating, I think joy has passed me by. l never minded being alone before but I hate having this lonesome feeling.

Kyle Foote rarely interact with me unless he need something and never set down with me just to visit. I get it that he is busy, but Danny Montoya isn’t all that much. He just holes up down stairs like he’s avoiding me.

The people I cared for the most like John Cunningham and Billy Bikowski are just memories. Those who cared about me like mom are ghosts”

I don’t much care for the world as it is now. I used to say “I live alone but its great company”“ I don't feel much like I am anymore. I miss people and conversations and dinner parties and laughing. One can only do so much genealogy and watch TV until it’s monotonous. 

I am not sure why I am so melancholy. Maybe because the only time I saw Kyle today was when he brought his truck and trailer home to show off the business wrap he had done. Maybe it's the full moon. Maybe it’s living in this dystopian America but I feel weary of life tonight, although I never said that on Face Book because I would not want people upset.

My cousin Chris Johnson wrote however, “I think it's the stress and uncertainty of this pandemic and knowing it's not over yet. We may only be in the second inning. No one has had to deal with anything like this in a hundred years and none of them are still around to give us advice. Maybe try talking about anything but politics or religion.” I responded, “If I had anyone to talk to I would” the pups are good listeners but they don’t carry on a conversation.”

            My cousin Stephanie Williams commented, “I have been thinking about getting a dog, but so far here in the 5th wheel, Tater [her cat] has not been having any behavioral issues. Cats are so temperamental. Gee I sure hope he does not see this post, LOL.”

Roland Ron Holmgren added, “I used to say I live alone, but I'm not lonely. I have been having some of the same feelings. I miss getting out, lunches, hell, I miss going to the D.I. I am used to the isolation, but in the past it has been by choice. One thing I have been enjoying is the books, music and films that I have been putting off.”    

My cousin Terrie Williams said, “I go for walks with my neighbor and her dog. We stay within physical distancing range but I have someone to interact with. Maybe take the dogs out for a stroll and see what's growing in the neighborhood. You can say hello from afar. I kind of miss taking the train to DTLA and milling about.”

 I responded, “I have and no one seems to be outside even working in their yards” a few kids are out riding bikes or adolescent Junior high boys walking in groups” except in the evening I see couples walking together only because I hear the dogs bark at people for daring to walk in front of the house.” ..

Michael Aaron commented, “We are social animals, even when we think we aren't.” Ron Johnson wrote, “If I didn't have work to do at the studio every day, I'd be going insane. I don't have a dog for comfort and my ornery cat looks at me like, "Get me food, then you'd better leave me alone if you know what's good for you." Better times are ahead. Yesterday, I took the afternoon off and took a drive to Provo Canyon and Bridal Veil Falls. Lots of people out hiking the trails up to it. I have many good childhood memories of that area” back before there was even a major highway going through the canyon.”

My cousin Barbara Danforth Nadsady stated, “Here’s the thing for me. I like being alone and I also know there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. The difference now is I am not choosing to be alone and my power has been diminished. If I make the choice it’s my choice and I embrace it but if it is forced upon me I feel like I have lost something.” She suggested using “Zoom or FaceTime.” But she said, “ It’s not the same, but it’s better than nothing. My girls use House Party.”

My friend Randy Olson  wrote, “Try not to be distraught. Better times ahead and you are loved by many.” And my niece wrote, “I love you Uncle Ben and I miss my mom bad today.”

Jill Hazard Rowe rescheduled our interview for her pod cast for August 4th at noon.

The Salt Lake Tribune is reporting "Retailers across the country are asking customers to wear face masks — but not everyone is willing to comply. As an industry, we’ve begged and pleaded with customers to please wear masks when you go into retail stores,” said Dave Davis, president of the Utah Food Industry Association. “It’s critical for protecting the employees and the other customers.”

The vast majority of Utahns are as unlikely to wear a mask as they are to let people merge on the Freeway or use their signals because it's always "about me". It’s why they keep voting Republican.

The War in Europe ended 75 years ago “ my dad was still in the South Pacific as the War there would not end until September.

7 May 2020 Thursday

I saw a picture of Buddy on Face book when he was found from his getting lose 3 years ago “I don’t know who was happier me or him to have the old boy home” so many good friends helping me look for him and putting up posters. He was a sweet heart

I wrote an article for my Lambda Lore Column for the Pride Day Issue on my first Pride Day in 1986. I guess I was bored and over being mad at Michael Aaron.

Jim McMullan called this morning just to visit and check in on me. I said I’d come out this Sunday at 1 so we can visit awhile. I think they are a little stir crazy too.

At noon I went and picked up Bill Poore so we could go put some flowers on his mom’s grave since its Mother's Day this Sunday “all my mother, grandmothers, and aunts are either buried in California or Texas so I guess this is my way of remembering them.

From there we took a drive up Big Cottonwood Canyon and turned around at Brighton and Silver Lake. That canyon was so beautiful and there was a lot of snow on the mountains at Brighton. It was a good little trip to get out of the house and gave Bill an opportunity to get away. However, with Bill these days it’s a one sided conversation as that even with his hearing aids he doesn’t hear much of what I say and so he doesn’t really engage me in what is going on in my life. I guess it really doesn’t matter.

            I was home by 2 in the afternoon so I made an appointment for a haircut at my usually place but they were so busy I can’t get in until next Tuesday at 12:30. I also wanted a beard trim but right now they said they can’t legally do so. I asked if they could do ear- hair removal lol and they said, yes, they could do that. But I am required to wear a mask too so I can see why beards would be an issue” I think I will look like one of the ZZ Top boys if the virus doesn’t get me first.

I also finally made an appointment to have the oil changed in the Honda Fit tomorrow at 7:30 in the morning. I had called the dog groomers also so but they won’t be back to work until next week.

 I made a chicken pot pie for my supper. Even though Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya were here no one ate it but me. Kyle was excited to show me his Build Team auto wrap on his Nissan Rogue. It’s the vehicle I paid a $1000 down payment on last Fall and he and Danny can’t spend 15 minutes of their time visiting with me. So, this is what growing old feels like” being useless.

The Ronald Reagan Era children grew up with few role models of unselfishness.. a whole generation grew up with no commitment to the general welfare of society”

8 May 2020 Friday

            It was a kind of a productive day. I was up early to take the FIT in for an oil change and tire rotation at Garff’s Honda this morning. I was there until 8:45 and those who were waiting in the lobby were all wearing face masks as were those working on the cars.

            On the way home I was planning on stopping and getting a breakfast from McDonalds when I got a call from Rocky Mountain Power saying that they were coming to the house. So, I raced home in order to make sure the pups were locked it but Danny Montoya was there outside talking to the guy and he had shut the doggy door before I arrived. 

While the service guy was installing the new meter I pulled a bunch of rag weed in the front side yard. It didn’t take him long to install the meter but said that I would have to set up a time once a month for the meter to be read unlike before where they just drove by and scanned it..

Later in the day I went to Sutherlands to buy some sprinklers to water my garden with a hose since my irrigation system is out of commission. Danny Montoya was out smoking and there were two sacks sitting behind my car so I moved them and saw that inside one of them was a dildo. I don’t know why that should have panged my heart but it did.

At Sutherlands I also bought about $30 worth of flowers that I planted in my front yard to have color over the summer” I've always loved color “ have to be surrounded by it” I don’t understand people who are fascinated with black and white “ reminds me of death” I definitely am not Goth” I am a colorful character.

I still haven’t laid down the carpet rug that came the other day. I need to mop the front room floor really well before I do and I just haven’t been in the mood. I think I am getting into a dark space.

While I was soaking in the hot tub, Taco Belle was dropped off through the back gate but I didn’t see Jim.

When Kyle Foote came home, he said that he had to be the one to set the outside electric meter up to engage the solar panels because Sparrow didn’t have any technicians to come out to do it due to the plague. He also asked me to drop off some papers Monday morning to his Leaf Gutter job because he said he wouldn’t be back until late Monday morning. He never told me anything about what he did to the meter or sit down with me so I could tell him about having to set a monthly time to have it read by the power company. In fact, he spent less than 5 minutes with me before going downstairs.

That really made me more depresses and feeling like I just don’t matter to anyone especially him. I needed to get out of the house so I took all the pups for a long ride and when I came home they were gone.

I think I am getting clinically depressed as I was weepy all night feeling like I need to live alone as that Kyle only makes me feel lonelier. I am tired of people not treating me like I have feelings.

Brad Hart fucks me and I feed him and I started to fall in love with him and he never contacts me to see how I am. Neither does Mike Romero now that I don’t take care of Coco. I loaned him $30,000 and bring him food when I take Coco home and he can’t pick up a phone to check in on me? All this makes me feel worse about how I thought Kyle and I would be like a family but we never eat together and as soon as he “checks” in with me he heads downstairs to be alone.

I am really feeling old and useless. I think I should ask Kyle to leave and find someplace else to live for my mental health sake. I shouldn’t be so weepy.

I listened to Pandora Music and girl groups from the 60’s like the Chiffons and many of the songs made me melancholy and weepy.

9 May 2020 Saturday

I felt really hopeless today. I wrote on Face Book this morning, “I wonder if this self-isolation is leading to clinical depression. I think I will take break from social media for a while. I can't even stuff my feelings down with food any more. "Nothing feels quite so good as feeling sorry for yourself."

            I felt like I had to get off Face book so I don’t post while I am in the mist of this tormented enchantment I feel for Kyle Foote that comes over me.  I know I worried my friends and family with my post because so many people commented on how I was feeling.

Kevin Scott wrote “Take care of yourself my friend” and Susan Passino said, “Sending love.” Richard P. Butler tried to assure saying “It'll get better” and Kimberlee Gile added “Virtual hugs are on their way right now, Sweet Ben! Please let me know if I can bring you anything or do anything to help. I know Mike thinks we live far away in a different time zone, but I am no more than 30 minutes away.”

Others sympathized with my feelings. Ron Johnson said, “I think we all share your feelings.” Peter Crane wrote, “I've been in a funk for a while, I can understand your comments. You’re not alone, with those feeling's. We just have to work out a new normal from within the chaos.” Leroy Natano Te'o added, “I'm sooooo with you, Sweetie!!”I've had to increase the dosage of my Zoloft, and I still feel SHIT, emotionally!!”(sigh!!).”  Brandon Burt commented, “I get it, I've had to cut way back.”

Regarding my comments about clinical depression Andy Dalrymple wrote, “Sustained situational depression can lead to clinical depression, which over a very long period of time can lead to changes in the brain. The public at large that did not have mental health problems often don't have the toolkit skills to deal with it, so it is a great shift in the public psyche.”

Angela Snow said “Yes, I think there is some concern about isolation leading to clinical depression. Is there anything I can do to help? Did you want a call or letter or anything? My family and I have been doing some virtual art classes together, which gives us some time to interact and laugh at each other’s crappy drawings. You could try a cheap virtual class or some other virtual meet-up with your friends.”

Roland Ron Holmgren wrote “I have a good friend that says it is your pity party. Enjoy it. Then after you have wallowed in your pity, party is over. He used to say you have x number of hours, minutes to pity. Seriously, whenever I get depressed, I get in my car, roll down the windows, crank up the music and drive. It helps me. This too shall pass. As someone who suffers from profound depress, it does.”

Others gave me advice how to deal with my blue funk with activities and using Zoom. My cousin Kay Johnson Campbell said, “When this is over we’d love for you to come for a visit!! In the meantime, taking a walk always cheers me up. I’ve even dragged out the jigsaw puzzles.”

My cousin Stephanie  Williams added “This too shall pass cousin. Sometimes that’s all I can hang onto. But it will. I think, if there is anything to be depressed about, isolation can enhance those feelings. Call folks, work in your garden, go for a walk. Is your LGBTQ center doing anything through Zoom? My meetings are on Zoom and it sure makes a difference to see people’s faces. People need some social interaction, most do anyways. Just be safe and hang in there on this bumpy road we are currently on. You are loved by many. Big virtual hugs to you.”           

Melissa Sillitoe Bocarde added “I am fortunate to belong to an anonymous 12 step fellowship which is now meeting via zoom so I have a community. I hope there are some other kinds of ways you can be social like online LGBT meetings. Hugs.”  

Michael Aaron West wrote also about using Zoom, “Sending Love”wanna ZOOM? Would love to see you again!”

However, Richard Harmston who is over 70 and of my generation said, “I miss our conversation and your revealing facial expressions! Zoom cannot replace the real thing.”

It was nice that Robert Moolman took the time to be concerned and wrote, “Look after yourself Ben! Cannot wait to see you at the Center again soon.”

            In the news Little Richard died at the age of 87. Good Golly Miss Molly “a wop bob alu bob a wop bam boom”.

 

10 May 2020 Sunday Mother’s Day

I woke up at 3:30 this morning after having fallen asleep to early last night. Rather than just stay in bed and be distressed over the tormented enchantment that had come over me I decided to get up fix some coffee and biscuits and milk gravy for breakfast and work on some genealogy for a couple of hours.

            When it was near 5 I decided to try and get some more sleep which I did. I slept in until 8 before I got out of bed again to start back up with the Huston branch of the Ferguson Family. In the morning Alan Anderson called and it was good to talk to him. Maybe he saw my post on Face Book and knew I needed some interaction with someone. Kyle Daniels is still working from home but Alan goes into the office but he said only 3 other people are there. Sounds like they are fine just trying to keep from going stir crazy like the rest of us.  While on the phone I hear all the pups go crazy and then noticed that Taco Belle was gone so Jim Dabakis must have come to retrieve him.

            At 10:30 Mike Romero finally came over to move his camper from the drive way to the curb because Steven Wood is supposed to becoming tomorrow in the afternoon to take the shed away. Mike said that his home quarantine is over tomorrow and he has to go back into work at his usually early hours. So, Coco will be back on schedule coming to the house again.

            I had to leave to head down to Daybreak to visit with TJ Otaka and Jim McMullan. I brought them some mint, peppermint, and rosemary from my garden because I know TJ uses it. I was there at 1 and I took the Bangerter Highway which surprisingly was rather fast compared how it used to be with so many cross street lights.

            The visit with TJ and Jim did me a world of good and I think they too. They hadn’t seen anyone since March 15^th when I had them over for a St. Patrick Day corned beef dinner. I unburdened myself about how neglected I felt by Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya, and also by Mike Romero. I said after all I have done do for them, I felt abandoned that they couldn’t spend 15 minutes of their day with me. I said I felt like an old person in a rest home wondering why no one comes to visit me or see about my needs. We also talked how ignored I felt by Brad Hart. TJ’s advice was to just let that relationship go but be glad that I am still the kind of person who is open to new possibilities and hadn’t closed that part of me down as a lot of people my age have.

            TJ gave me lots of good advice and I really just need to share my bottled up feelings and it really helped. We talked about how we miss just visiting with people and we are too old to do Zoom and all the other interactive technology out there.  We needed to see the whole person not just a talking head.

            TJ and Jim bought a white cake and shared it with me for a belated birthday since they couldn’t come for it back in April a month ago.  That was so thoughtful. TJ and Jim I think were lonesome too as they had interacted with anyone but themselves for nearly two months also but each other.

            They sent me home with some flowers they bought me also for my birthday and a piece of cake. I hadn’t planned on staying so long but I didn’t leave until 4:30 but my mental health was better and TJ helped me put my relationship to Kyle back in perspective. I am the parent and he is my son and he’s busy with his life and I need to accept that and let him go on with his. I just said that after 7 years of visiting him monthly in prison, writing letters and sending him money, a year of visiting him weekly at Point of the Mountain, and daily for six months at Fortitude, I was his connection to the world but now he doesn’t need me as much if at all. My place in his life has shifted. It’s natural I suppose that a child outgrows the parent.

            I left with a better perspective and the demons that sent me into a melancholy were banished again. At least for a little while.

            I fed the pups hamburger and macaroni and listened to music from the 1960’s while I mopped the front room really well with bleach water before laying down the new carpet rug. I also cleaned up the dining room and kitchen so my depression that made me listless must have lifted some.

            I still am not ready to post back on Face book but did read many of the tributes of my friends for their mothers. Mom knows I loved her without me making a public announcement about it.

            I also called my sister Donna Jones this evening to wish her a happy Mother’s Day. I guess she is getting settled in and used to Arizona. She said she finally got her stimulus check but also one for Ken whose been dead since January. I am sure she will have to send that one back. 

TJ wrote me “Ben, It was nice seeing and catching up with you this afternoon. We all have to adjust to new normal, social distancing and so on but it was still nice. Thank you also for fresh herbs. They look really green and smell nice. We will enjoy them. It is tough on everyone right now. Just hang in there and stay safe. We love you.”

11 May 2020 Monday

I was up early this morning to run some paper work to this Leaf Filter office that Kyle Foote had asked me to do for him. I also went to Lucky’s to get some dog treats but other than that I was home most of the day. I did go to Darla’s Donuts on Redwood and about 25^th South and bought a half dozen donuts. They had a drive up window.

As I didn’t respond back to Kyle message telling me the address for the Leaf Filter, he wrote me “I'm worried about you. I tried calling you several times on Saturday and again this morning. Please call me back.” I didn’t call back because he said he didn’t let me know the address until this morning. And I  know he didn’t try calling me at all this weekend or my phone would have registered a call from him and he didn’t bother to leave a message. I did send a quick note that I dropped off the paper work. He responded, “Thank you. But I'm still worried about you.”  Yeah so worried about me that I never heard another word from him nor did he and Danny come home today as Kyle said they would.

            The Title Company called to confirm my account number before sending me the money but I haven’t checked it yet if he had come in. Steve Wood also texted me saying that his truck was in the shop and asked if he could come tomorrow. That kind of pissed me off knowing all that I did to accommodate him. I let Mike Romero know that I’d take Coco home instead of him coming over. I made an appointment for Coco but the soonest I could get her in is May 22^nd at 9. Her regular groomer however no longer works at the Dog Park.

            I made a pot of pinto beans and cornbread because it was kind of cloudy this morning likes it might rain but it didn’t and it cleared up later. After taking the Coco home and the pups for a ride I fed them and then watered the front and back yard.

            The northwest side of the back yard had gotten really over grown with weeds even within the fire pit patio space so this evening I decided to clean that area. I pulled weeds, used to leaf blower to clean the concrete walks, raked the yard waste out of the area next to the shed, and then hosed everything down. It looks nice and clean. I started thinking that I shouldn’t build the small house with the money I got for refinancing. That’s kind of a fantasy I had to keep Kyle attached to me but that’s all it is, a fantasy. I doubt seriously that Kyle could actually build  the tiny house for the $60,000 I have for that project. Instead, I am thinking maybe I should just use the money to do some improvements to the house and yard. I know I have poplar trees that need removing, and I’d like to put in a concrete patio where the shed is now, and I know the sprinkler system needs repairing.

            The tiny house was actually for Mike and Kyle and not for me and since I doubt whether either of them are ever going to live with me as I get older why bother? The lyrics from Fleetwood Mac’s song Landslide keeps haunting me, “I’m afraid of changes because I had built my life around you.”

            In the news actor Jerry Stiller died. I loved him in the Ritz.

12 May 2020 Tuesday

What an odd day today. It started out with me still being alone and determined to disconnect my feelings for Kyle Foote as I felt he has been neglecting me through thus epidemic, and he would never be more than a fantasy family for me.

I threw myself into escaping into the past by doing genealogy of my nephew Nate Ferguson’s Pennsylvania Dutch ancestors until 11:30 this morning when Steve Wood and his father showed up to remove the shed. His father was as old as I am but he brought over an open trailer bed hitched to a truck. The Shed was taken down in pieces.

I had to leave for my 12:30 haircut appointment. It didn’t take long as that they couldn’t do my beard and my bald head doesn’t take that much trimming. I mainly wanted the “old man’s ear hair tuffs” cleaned up. I sometimes forget what an old man I have become.

 There was only one other person getting a haircut and we all had to wear masks the mode du jour. The Asians, who usually cut my hair, were absent there and it was two Latinas doing the grooming. This very tall, almost muscular, Latina barbered me and I am certain she was a Trans woman since I have been around so many now and are familiar with them. Not that it matters, but I thought it was interesting the times I am living in, wearing a mask to get a haircut done by a transgendered person.

Before leaving, I made an appointment for June 10 at 9 in the morning for my next haircut. Maybe by then they will be allowed to even do beard trimming. But who knows? Five more old people died today from the virus making the total in Utah nearly 80 people which is low compared to other states. There’s been 80,000 deaths in America in the past two months so Utah’s death rate is 1000^th of a percent. Dr. Fauci warned Congress today of a 2^nd resurgence if the country opens too soon without adhering to the guide lines.

I was back at the house by 1 in the afternoon and was surprised that the Woods had managed to get the shed’s roof down and into the trailer bed. It was then just a matter of taking down the framing and loading the rest of the material up. I helped where I could. I guess two old men equaled one good young one.

Steve ended taking everything, the cinder block posts supports, as well as the boards I had as a border so that the area was completely empty except for some yard waste.

I was surprised to see that Kyle Foote showed up, when we were about done. I think he thought I would greet him but I just kind of ignored his presence and went about helping the Woods. They were out of there by 2:30 so it took about 3 hours to remove the shed in its entirety. The spot sure looks empty and large, now. The tall poplar tree near the shed is mostly dead and I do need to have it taken down and that will be another expense.

I only spoke to Kyle when he spoke to me but I mostly just swept and leaf blew the driveway to get the yard waste cleaned up.  At one point Kyle went to hug me and he said to me, “This is the first time I ever hugged you that you didn’t hug me back.” I lamely retorted “Coronavirus” but he said screw that and held me closer and I of course melted and held him back. I have no will power around him.

He wanted to go to Bountiful for a drink and asked me to come with him so I did but I still was trying to be emotionally detached myself and never once asked about Danny Montoya or what he had been doing while gone. I really didn’t care to hear.

Kyle wanted to go into Bountiful to this Soda place called “Swig” that had specialty flavors that he liked. It was one of Danny and his spots but I commented when we got there that it was right next door to the veterinarian clinic where Smokey and Priscilla was put down. I ordered a Cherry Vanilla Coke.

The whole time we were driving around I could tell that Kyle was trying to engage me and I think try to show me that he does care about me and my feelings of being neglected over this self-isolating period.

We then drove over to where Washington Elementary once stood. He had heard that it was completely torn down and it was. I had thought I’d see it in a state of demolition but it was completely gone without any evidence that a school had once existed there. All the playground equipment, soft ball backstops, and even the school sign were completely gone. It was another memory for me erased like when the Juel Apartments were demolished. I spent 10 years of my life in that school and now it was completely gone. The kids who attended there will never get to drive by and say that’s my old school.

Since Kyle was not in a hurry to get home, and I think wanted to placate me some, we drove by Orchard Elementary also and I showed him the part of the school where I used to teach with Susan McAdams and Brenda Tau’a both who have passed on. I was being kind of nostalgic over my ghosts from the past.

Kyle was hungry so we went to Del Taco’s drive through over on Redwood before heading back to the house. I think he could tell that I was still being moody because I really did not engage him in any real conversation. I just ordered a tostado.

Mike Romero said he’d move his camper tomorrow so I took the Coco home to give the pups a ride after feeding them. Kyle had a phone check in with his parole mental health therapist. Kyle also said he doesn’t need to check in until July with his regular parole officer.

Alan Anderson wanted Kyle to come out to Midvale to give him some quotes on some house renovations he wanted done. Kyle asked if I wanted to come along. I said I would because I wanted to see Alan and Kyle Daniels but actually Kyle D. was down in Las Vegas helping a friend out. He had taken Corky and Bhanni with him so Alan was by himself.

After taking Kyle F. through his Townhouse and showing what he’d like done, they went into the living room to visit but I sat a little ways from them bundled in a lap blanket. I said I was socially distancing. Kyle told Alan how well he’s doing financially with his business and so far has been able to pay off his truck, trailer, and the advertising warps. Alan said to me “You better raise his rent and I said, “What rent?” Kyle then acknowledged that he was able to do as much as he has because he has no financial obligations beyond schooling and growing his business.

 I was amazed that Kyle told Alan more about his business and his relationship with Danny Montoya than I ever knew. I learned more about what Kyle and Danny had been doing just listening to them visit then Kyle ever had sat down with me to visit. I guess Danny is on his way to Phoenix for at least two months.

 However, Danny’s presence is constantly here because Kyle keeps his phone ear bud in and they are always on the phone together.  In fact, on the way home Kyle had to tell Danny that he would call him back after he gets home because he wanted to spend time with me.

We stopped first at Arctic Circle where I got a chocolate dipped ice cream cone and Kyle got a Moose tracks shake. The sky had darkened with clouds that looked like they wanted to rain but I think the air was too dry for any moisture to make it to the ground.

Kyle mentioned about not knowing what to do with the sprinkler system because of the construction of the tiny house. I let him think I was still on board with the construction but I really am not” but I am not ready for that conversation yet so we just talked about how bad the pollen is this year and how it’s affecting our allergies.

He talked about all the work he had to do and I said, “You’re just a working Girl and in a working World.” Then I told him how back in 1977 I heard this short and stout gal, checking out at the old Woolworths down town say, “I’m just a working Girl in a Working world”, and that saying had stuck with me all these years. Kyle said that was a few years before my time and I said if I had known I’d have to go through two plagues I don’t know if I’d had stuck around.

Kyle back at the house gave me a very long hug before going down to his room with him saying he loved me. I suppose he does in his own way but is it enough? 

13 May 2020 Wednesday

I had the saddest dream last night that I sharing an apartment with Mike Pipkin and the other person was packing up and leaving me. I can’t recall who it was, whether it was John Cunningham, Billy Bikowski, or Kyle Foote, but it was someone I deeply loved and his packing and leaving was devastating knowing I was left with Mike Pipkin who was no consolation to me as I knew he was useless and I would have to support him.

            I wonder if getting a notice before going to bed that the anniversary of John Cunningham death is today May 13, had anything to do with the dream.

            I got a call from Roy Zang early this morning to tell me that Connell O’Donovan had posted on the Utah Queer Historical Society Site that he resigned from it in protest of the Pride Center letting go so many of its staff. He also said that he was rescinding his life time achievement award because of it. What a martyr and cry baby.

            I wrote on the Facebook page, Queer Historical Society. I have not posted for a while as I have not been as involved with the history project as much as I have been with other projects lately” But I am proud of what this project of the Pride Center has accomplished” the oratories, displays, material saved, and last year’s Pride Day Booth by a few dedicated people.

As a Gay Senior I have to limit what I can commit to but I still plan on working with board members by Saving and preserving artifacts from our collective histories”

AT this trying time, I think it's even more important to record and keep our history.  

I too am sadden by the financial impact this pandemic is having on the Pride Center and Gay Bars and other LGBT businesses. I feel that everyone is doing the best they can in this new reality that has knocked us down to our foundation.

This is the 2nd plague I've lived through that I have been among those being at the most risk” , once being a Gay man and now as a senior” but I have every confidence we can come through this, even as reality, as we had known, it dramatically shifts. Gay people are incredibly resilient.

I am grateful to the Pride Board and Executive Director for their support of the Historical Society and I realize how traumatizing it must be to make hard decisions during this period of uncertainty”

I am also thankful that I am still able to make a monthly financial contribution to the center no matter how small” I have lived long enough to know this too will pass but the Center will still be needed for this 21st century generation of Gay and Trans folks”

I don't know the financial situation of the center” I know it must be pretty dire especially with Pride Day's revenue not coming in. As someone who had volunteered for many years I know what service and sacrifice is and hopefully this will all play out when this is all over. I feel upset over everyone who has lost their jobs or have had reduced hours and benefits. I wish everyone well. I have always been proud of how courageous we as a community can be”

This morning a work crew was tarring the street where it had been torn up for fiber optic cable awhile back and Mike’s Camper was still out on the street so I had him come over during his lunch hour and we moved it back into the side driveway. I discussed with him about my concerns about the tiny house and he agreed with me that not to build it but rather use the money to do some remodeling to the house and taking down the trees that have died or are dying in the back yard. He said that if anything we could put a pad in the side yard so he could park a 5^th wheel camper to live in when he retires. Also, the times are not good right now and the stock market is way down due to the fear that we will go into an economic recession if not a downright depression.

            In the afternoon I went into Bountiful and deposited the two checks that were sent to pay off the Visa Card and the line of Credit. I wore a mask and there were few in the lobby. I also set up an automatic withdrawal for the mortgage payment on the 2^nd of each month starting in July.

            For lunch I saw that China Delight was back opened for takeout so I ordered Pork Chow Mein. I have been craving Chinese Food I guess since I couldn’t get any for the longest time.  

            The owner of Sparrow Solar Panels came out in the late afternoon to increase the Wi-Fi signal for the panels so they could be read better but that’s about all I had done around the house today.

            I took Coco home and gave the pups a ride and upon returning saw that Kyle had come home but had taken off again in the Rogue. I didn’t see him again until nearly 7:30 Again he just spoke to me as he was fixing a rice bowl for his dinner before heading downstairs where I am sure he spent the rest of the evening connected to Danny Montoya on the phone. So, I never got to break the news to him that Mike and I have decided not to have a tiny house built.

In the news there was an article in the Tribune about dissension within Mormon Building Bridges. Straights thinking they know what's best for Gay people is the same as men thinking they know what's best for women” just because we are equal doesn’t mean we are the same.

Utah wants to cut services this June because of the epidemic. Someone wrote and I agree, “You do not cut the budget during a recession. You spend during the recession to create jobs. Austerity doesn't work. Trickle down doesn't work. Austere economics doesn't work.”

I saw this saying and I so agree to make a life well lived, “Work for a cause not the applause. Live to express not to impress. Don’t strive to make your presence noticed but your absence felt.”

14 May 2020 Thursday

When I transferred $60,000 into my Money Market account because it had a higher interest yield I noticed that in my checking account there was a $586 automatic withdrawal to some company I never heard of. So, I called America First and had a stop put on any automatic withdrawals but with further investigation and calling Tyler Ferguson my financial advisor, I learned that it was part of the repayment of the $30,000 I loaned Mike Romero. Mike deposits $520 into my account and then this company withdraws from it and puts it back into my 401K I suppose.

            Curious I went back on Silver Daddies, the Gay dating site for older men, and as I suspected Brad Hart was still on the site. Maybe he never was off of it.

            I didn’t do much today as it was cool only in the 60’s and I didn’t to do yard work or go anywhere.

When Kyle Foote came home and started talking about the tiny house I broke the news to him that Mike Romero and I have decided against it because he is considering g getting a 5th wheel when he retires. I said that I’d rather use the money to make improvements to the house like refinishing the basement and putting in a pad for a 5^th wheel. I thought for sure Kyle would be upset but he didn’t seem to be in fact he immediately started drawing up plans for the basement.

The $5,000 I paid for the program to design the house I guess Kyle can still use so it’s not a complete waste.

            This evening Kyle asked if I’d go with him down to South Jordan to put some Build Team flyers in the neighborhood where he’s building a pool house to let people know about the construction.

            We stopped at Arctic Circle on the way home where he got himself another shake and I had a chocolate dipped cone.

AS If you need any more reasons to know how Loony toons Trump supporters are.. but isn't it weird that same weirdoes who will carry weapons into public places for "protection" scream like babies about wearing a mask.

Trump thinks schools are safe enough for kids but jail is too dangerous for Paul Manafort who has been released to home confinement

            Governor Herbert has lowered the risk factor for Utah and said we have gone from an Orange to a Yellow status except for a few places including Salt Lake City that remains at an Orange. It doesn’t affect me any.

We will adapt to whatever the new normal might be” with the AIDS epidemic it was traumatic that how we were intimate with one another could be a death sentence” at the beginning we were afraid to touch or kiss “ on top of that we were told we deserved to die” the plague lasted 10 years until it became less lethal and more of a chronic disease” we will come through this plague too and hopefully find a cure faster as it's not a Gay disease”

            I heard that JC Pennys is filing for bankruptcy. I wonder if it will disappear like Montgomery Ward, Sears, K-Mart, and Mervyns?

15 May 2020 Friday

I woke up after midnight and just could not go back to sleep so I just got up and worked on the Ferguson genealogy until 3:30 in the morning. I went back to bed then but only slept in until 7. My sleep schedule is off.

            The Bariatric Clinic left a message that I need to get some blood work done by Monday before my May 21^st appointment. So, I guess they are seeing people again.

I posted a virtual tour of my front yard “I love this time of year when life renews and flowers bloom “in Utah we get a late start and our roses won’t bloom to June” if I have to be home I might as well make it colorful “I love my deep yellow irises the most, next to the vivid orange oriental poppies this time of year” I just let Mother Nature do her thing with a little help from me watering and weeding.

My cousin Kay Campbell commented “That is beautiful! Evidence of many hours of love & labor. I’ve only ever had purple irises. The yellow are gorgeous. And the Buddha statue brought back an old memory. Did you give one to Grandma? And we put strings of pearls or something on it?” I replied, “I retrieved it the last time I went to the farm from the porch about 25 years ago” Grandma bought it one Christmas when they came out to visit “it tickled Grandma’s fancy and she would rub its head “one of the few frivolous things I think she ever bought” it's pretty weathered now but it's way over 60 years old like me”” She answered back, “That so neat that it’s the same one!!”

My cousin Terrie Williams commenting that I love snap dragons wrote, “Me too. They remind me of my mom. I have snapdragons, lilies, creeping Charlie, plumeria, Jasmine, and honeysuckle, and I’m hoping the hollyhocks and cosmos will appear. Your garden looks like it has begun to explode overnight.”

Taco Belle was dropped off while I was watching the afternoon news. I am his 2^nd home. After the news I went into the back yard and decided to clean up the southwest corner of all the rag weed and that I had let accumulate when I thought the area was going to be graded. I also called Derrick from Tree Inc. to come out Monday to give me a quote on taking down the poplar trees. I know that is going to be an expense.

            After pulling all the weeds and filling up the yard waste trash can I decided to rotor till the whole area also. I was out in the yard for 3 and half hours but it was a pretty day so it felt good to get a little exercise. The pups were outside with me the entire time so it was good for them too.

            Kyle Foote was home when I finished which surprised me as he usually comes in so much later. I took Coco home and nothing new with Mike Romero except that he’ll come over tomorrow to prep his camper shell to take it out next Weekend which is Memorial Day Weekend.

            I asked Kyle if he felt like Chinese Food and he did so we ordered a couple of rice bowls from China Delight. When we went down to pick up our order I was surprised by how busy they were with takeout orders.

            Jason CoZmo did a virtual Viva La Diva show streaming on Twitch TV. Kyle and I both never heard of it and we had a dickens of a time getting the Roku set up so we could watch it. We Enjoyed the Viva la Diva virtual show once Kyle figured out how to get Twitch TV on the Roku . I want to see the show live again when we can safely gather in groups again.

16 May 2020 Saturday

It was a beautiful, pleasant day so I mowed the front and back yards, watered my garden, but other than that not much else. I’ve been kind of binge watching The Great a Hulu black comedy about Catherine the Great of Russia.  It’s very entertaining if not accurate.

            In the midafternoon I took the pups for a ride into North salt Lake where I went to Burger King in Foxboro. I was in the mood for a hamburger but instead I decided to try their “impossible burger” to see what all the fuss is about. It was really expensive about $5.50 just for it and I got a medium Dr. Pepper that was $2.50. So, $8 just for a burger and a drink. I was not impressed when I got home and ate it. The burger was just Luke-warm and wasn’t all that tasty compared to whoppers I’ve had in the past. It will be my last Impossible Burger for sure.

            In the evening after Kyle Foote came home from his job installing leaf gutters, we ordered Tostados from Chubby’s for a late supper. Kyle had to tell me what is going on with Danny Montoya even though I don’t ask anymore. He doesn’t show an interest in my life at all so why should I him. Mike Romero the other day said he didn’t trust him although I don’t see that he’s untrustworthy just self-indulgent and not that interesting. He’s just a cute Latino Gay boy the way Kyle likes them. I was surprised when Kyle said that Danny is being transferred back to Wendover by the charter airline he works for after they made him give up his apartment there and move to Phoenix. So, I guess I won’t have the reprieve from him after all.

            Kyle is already gung-ho about tearing out the basement. Tomorrow he wants us to clean out the old tools in the garage so he can move the cabinets that are now down in the basement out into the garage.

17 May 2020 Sunday

I am bone weary. I spent 4 hours pulling weeds and cleaning up an area of paving stones that Virginia Creeper had taken over on the southwest side of the deck. It was really a mess and I not only pulled all the weeds out, but I also scraped the dirt between all the stones to really clean it up. Then I did the other side of my walk way that had gotten got away from me over the winter. I am slowly reclaiming my back yard from the wilderness, The day was really pleasant until this evening when strong winds came in and blew all night long but by that time I had done all my outside chores.

            Jim Dabakis retrieved Taco Belle while I was outside but didn’t stay to visit. Then Mike Romero came over to work on his camper trailer to get it ready for next weekend and the summer. Kyle Foote was out running errors but when he came home we went to Culvers in Bountiful to get some lunch. They have opened their lobby but we just went through the drive through and came home to eat.

            Kyle showed me the plans he has for the basement. Pretty ambitious with even making an entrance beneath the bay window. He also said he’d like to move the hot tub and deck to the area where the tool shed once stood.

            I was surprised that Elephant God Ganesha garden statue came today since I just ordered it the other day. I’m taking no chances so I put him out in my garden along with my standing Buddha, my sitting Buddha, and St. Francis de Sissy.

            After eating lunch, Kyle and I went to work on cleaning out the shelf in the back of the garage. I let him decide what to keep and what to toss as he has his own tools and I don’t want to keep anything that can’t be used. I am sure someone could have used the socket set and drill bits and other stuff but oh well. I even threw away the wall clock that I retrieved from Grandpa’s farm so many years ago that languished in the garage. I never got around to fixing it and I know now I never will. A lot of good stuff could have gone to Deseret Industries but they are closed and not taking donations.

            I found a box of plaques and trophies from the Wasatch Leather men also that I kind of cleaned up that I will donate to the Queer Historical Society as well as my old school AIDS poster that I thought was lost and gone.

            So, it was a very productive day but I was so tired that I soaked in the hot tub while Kyle went downstairs to relax. I watched a few more episodes of “the Great” before going to bed myself.  Today is Brad Hart’s birthday and while I thought of him, I did not wish him a happy birthday as he has made it pretty clear that whatever we once had is now over.  

18 May 2020 Monday

I woke up at 3 and 6 and decided to get up because I was hungry and wanted to get my blood draw over early this morning. On line, the clinic said it was open at 7 but when I got there was a notice that their hours were changed to 8 due to the Covid19 outbreak. So, I just waited in the car until then rather than go back to the house. I was able to get in and out pretty quick even though they drew about 14 vials for my Thursday appointment with the Bariatric Clinic. I then went to Lucky’s to pick up a few things from the store but after that stayed home mostly. I was rather tired anyway.

            I did go to Carl Jr to get a Star Burger combo which was the smallest thing on their menu but still was way too much to eat.

            When Kyle came home we went and cleaned out the basement laundry area. I’m going through changes here at Fernleaf which is hard for an old person to do “I had to clean out the downstairs for a major remodel that Kyle had designed as well as had Derrick from Tree Inc come over to give me an estimate to take out four 40 feet poplar trees in the back yard. He said the best way to take them down is with a lift vehicle  which also means taking down my south fence at least temporarily. That will be a major disruption for the pups also.  The fence is going to be moved in 12 feet anyway to accommodate Michael’s 5^th wheel. 

 I am having to get rid of so many things and Deseret Industries is closed for donations. I wish I knew someone who could use stuff like the IKEA couch I just bought just last fall to replace the Gypsy Red Couch.

Downstairs I brought up boxes of magazines I had saved over the years, TV Guides, Life magazines from the 1960s and 70s, RFD fairy Magazines, and other Gay stuff” I know when I am dead it would all go in the trash so I might as well clear stuff out now and find homes for what can be saved but it feels like an upheaval “maybe even a loss of former times. It's kind of like it's the 1920s and I am still living in the 1870s and 1880s” I am not a thoroughly modern Millie.

In the evening Kyle went and bought some Ramen Soup from this place Danny Montoya and he likes. He brought me some too but I decided I didn’t care much for it after all. I finished watching The Great, a historical fiction account of Catherine the Great of Russia before heading to bed.

19 May 2020 Tuesday

I just love my front yard this time of year especially my Oriental Poppies “the sun kind of washed out the color in pictures I take but they are a striking vivid orange “sadly they will be gone by June as well as the Irises but the yarrow will be bright yellow and Roses blooming “The purple Russian sage will be blooming by then attracting the bees” I also love my Mexican primroses some of which have seeded between the street asphalt and the concrete curb “everything in their season” I planted perennials so I'd have color all year.

            The news said where I live in 84116 ZIP code is the hardest hit with the most cases of Covid19. I probably shop in the most vulnerable grocery stores, especially Lucky’s. There’s 88 deaths in Utah now and over 90,000 nationally from the virus.

Kyle Foote started taking down the cabinets in the laundry room that I had for over 20 years and dismantling the shelf in the garage that Rich Butler built for us 23 years ago. I just stayed out of the way except to do some laundry. Maxx is shedding so much that my sheets are covered with his hair so I stripped the bed and did up some wash.

Bill Poore asked what major remodeling I am doing and “ is it for Kyle's new home after you are dead?” I replied , “He’s remodeling the basement to stick me down there when I am too feeble to climb the stairs. The trees are being cutting down and the south fence will be moved to accommodate Mike getting a 5th Wheel and Kyle wants to move the hot tub over to where the shed was.”

Bill wrote back, “I am not sure I am happy with all this”. Have they picked out your coffin, oh wait they are just going to build a fire in the back yard and throw you on if”. I think the hot tub is good where it is, it is easier for you”. You would not be as protected with it where the shed is”. Say no”. Say no. or I will come over and kick his ass.” I said “It's fine no need for any ass kicking “.It  might not even happen””

Kimberlee Gile wrote me when she heard I was taking down my trees, “Wow - you sure are making so many huge changes. Are you needing to remove the poplar trees? That would be so sad. Those trees were our only refuge for shade back in the day.”

It was really windy today and has been for a couple of days as a cold font moved in bringing a drop in temperature and a chance of rain. The only yard work I did was move my rail post and cinder block fence around my garden to accommodate what Kyle said would be the new fence line.

            He took off for the rest of the afternoon and evening. I made a chicken and noodle casserole but Kyle was not here to eat any of it so when I took Coco home I brought it over to Mike Romero. He came over about 7 to look at the space where we want to put a pad in for his 5^th wheel because I could not envision it and Kyle was not here to help.  I was really concerned that Mike thought that I might have to take out a good portion of my yard if he had a 40 foot 5^th Wheel like  my cousin Stephanie has after selling her house in Anaheim. Then he said that he might just get a 25 foot one and that would easily fit in the back yard without too much disruption.

            I was feeling really overwhelmed by all the changes that are happening and to be truthful a little melancholy to see my life work kind of ending. Kyle came home about 9 this evening and said he had been out to dinner with his sister Jamie Fultz for her birthday.  It bothers me that he can’t take a minute to text me where he’s been just so I know what to expect. When he did come home he spent more time on the phone with Danny Montoya than visiting with me. He has this fucking ear bud in all the time so he’s communicating with Danny at the same time and of course I get bumped. It’s like it’s a three way conversation but mainly between Danny and Kyle. It’s extremely rude and makes me feel like I really don’t matter. So, I just went to bed.

            In the news Petty trump refused to do an unveiling of President Obama’s Presidential Portrait. The Mayor of Kaysville is taking flack for letting a gathering of 10,000 people in violation of the state’s guide lines. Hell has no fury like white people inconvenienced

There’s a meme explaining to Gay kids an analogy that if 10 Gay people are together getting ready for Pride Day and one of them wears glitter, how many will end up with glitter on them? When Young Gays complain about wearing a mask I tell them my generation had to wear condoms.

Roy Zang shared a Huffington Post article called “ I Am NOT Cisgendered” which basically said what I said all along that those who scream the loudest about not being binary insist that using a binary term.  Roy wrote, “This man who wrote this is now my new hero - the words “check your privilege” has been used as a weapon against me, while completely dismissing my own story of coming out as a teenager, my own experience of being bullied, beat up and abused have been dismissed because I need to “check my privilege”, my sexual orientation has been completely demonized by mob mentality. While many young people are crying for “safe spaces “ and weaponizing my “privilege”, I will have it known when I was young and in my 20’s I wasn’t crying for a “safe space” I was crying at funerals of my loved ones who died from AIDS and suicides and drug abuse and alcoholism. My so called “privilege” that I enjoy now, I fought for with every tooth and nail and all my might. So, if it is “privilege” that I survived to tell the stories of my gay brothers who died, then I will accept that privilege, I earned and fought to be where I am today, and no one has a right to “label” me to make themselves feel better.” I wrote to Roy, “We fought the good fight and we are easily dismissed by those who benefit from our struggle” yes it was such a privilege to be attack on 300 South, called fag, afraid of losing my job, my apartment as well as not knowing when I would lose another friend to AIDS, suicide, or murder” yes such a privilege to attend a funeral on my birthday “ different times for sure””

20 May 2020 Wednesday

I was feeling really depressed all day over how I felt slighted by Kyle Foote last night. It may have been symptomatic of the isolation I feel. So, I worked typing up my 1988 Journal starting with January. It was such a different time with so many people dropping by to see me or calling me on the phone and I was so busy in the community. Now, no one is allowed out to visit and no one even calls to visit.

            When I took Coco home I talked to Mike Romero and he said that he was looking at a 26 foot Air Stream campers as the largest he wants to get which will be more than small enough to fit in the back yard without destroying the entire fence and yard.

            I was still upset with Kyle and just stayed in my room typing when he came home and he started working in the garage building a frame and mounting the cabinets. When he came up to ask if I was hungry, I said I had already eaten but this was enough to start a thaw towards my feelings. He asked me to come down and look at what he was doing and I then helped him a little.

            He said he felt like having spaghetti so he called the Spaghetti Factory for a takeout order and he asked me along so I did.

            It had showered some before we left the house and the streets were wet. I had been in my room when it rained so I was surprised by it and how cold it had become outside. I had to wear a sweat shirt.

            This little interaction, with Kyle, smoothed my ruffled feathers for the time being. I love him so much that it takes so very little to win me back. My moods over him are as inconstant as the phases of the moon, waxing and waning.

21 May 2020 Thursday

It rained overnight and we sure could use the moisture. It was a totally wasted morning as I went to my 9:30 Bariatric appointment in Sugar House for my 3 year follow up. On Monday I had 14 vials of blood drawn and I did not hear anything that said my appointment was canceled in fact everything they sent me looked like they were open.

So, I get there and they take a temperature reading and spray my hand before I am allowed in the building. My temp was 96.7 so I was allowed in. I took the elevator to the 4th floor and the place was empty except for one lone check in person. I waited a while and then I was then told I was supposed to have had a phone consultation as none of the providers were there but at home.

I wasn't upset but just thought screw this. How would they be able to weigh me, take blood pressure, or print out results? I felt fine and thought at least I don't have to be lectured by the dietician about not eating right and by the other specialist about calcium and vitamins. But I also thought that was a lot of blood work for nothing.

The clinic was doing drive through Corvid19 testing in the parking lot so I thought since I am here, I might as well get tested but they said since I am asymptomatic they wouldn't test me. So much for doctor appointments in the Brave New World.

My cousin Terrie Williams commented, “you are over 65 they are not supposed to deny you the test. I got one. took about a week to get results. it was negative.” I replied, “Since I didn’t have a fever or symptoms they wouldn't let me which I thought was odd because I thought they wanted everyone tested ”oh well” I wear a mask when I shop, wash my hands a lot, and stay home mostly” though its lonely at times not having anyone to talk to”

Since I was already out and about I took the FIT through the carwash and then bought a few groceries at the Smith’s on 8^th South before going back to the house. It was a cool day out only in the 60’s so it's a chicken pot pie kind of day in Salt Lake City.  Now that I learned how to make a crust with vegetable oil instead of cutting in shortening or butter it’s a nap to make pie crust.

Other than that, didn’t really do much else. My energy levels were down. Taco Belle showed up in the afternoon like a phantom. He has a dog collar that jingles or I wouldn’t know he’s here.

Outside the fiber optic people who are retarring where they cut through the asphalt put cones out along the curb so it was kind of an issue where to park the vehicles. Thank goodness Danny Montoya’s car was gone.

When I took Coco home, I visited with Mike some who said he’s taking off to see his friend Troy Ryan in Cheyenne over the Memorial Day weekend. He also has this wild idea of just walking away from his townhouse, buying an airstream and living in it over at my place. I think it’s foolish to lose all the equity he has built up over the past 10 years in his townhouse but it’s life.

I fixed the pups pork chops for supper and ate a bit myself because after looking at my blood test results my protein was down even more from last year.  Although I didn’t see any one to tell me my lab results, they were posted on a site called My Chart but you’d have to be a doctor to figure it out. It said my “Prealbumin” was low at 17.3 when the low end of the scale was 20.Curious I looked up what prealbumin was and I guess it measures protein. I was down from 20.5 last year. That made sense because I don’t really eat meals anymore but just snack. I was also low in vitamin D and the Bs and A” and too high in calcium but the rest seemed in a normal range so I guess I will live a little longer”

I don’t have the energy I once did but I can still kind of keep the house and yard up and care for 4 pups and those pups who drop by” but I can tell I am winding down as being isolated and alone and having no one to share with, I just don’t have much of an interest in this old world. I worry more about my mental health as my moods are so mercurial.

Oh well first world problems, I have my health, a roof over my head, food and clean water, and have lived an interesting life even if I've gone through most of it by myself.

Kyle Foote was gone all day and wasn’t back home until 9. When he came up to say hi and visit with the dogs I asked him how his day was but he didn’t inquire of mine. I saw that he still had an ear bud attached and I said when you get old you will have no issue with wearing a hearing aid since you have that in your ear all the time. He then took it out but then said goodnight and went downstairs. Love is a battlefield.

I found the Enchilada Chili Gravy recipe that is so good but thought I had lost. I add all the dry then add oil then broth and micro wave until thickens “ About 4 to 5 min.

1/4 cup vegetable oil, 1/4 cup all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon white pepper (or black), 1 teaspoon kosher salt, 2 teaspoons ground cumin, 2 tablespoons chili powder, 1 teaspoon paprika, 1 teaspoon dried oregano, 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper optional, 2 cups beef stock.

22 May 2020 Friday

I woke up early and before making my coffee I decided to fix me the vitamin shake I used to take all the time. After reviewing my blood work and from comments people made about how low I Was on some of them, I thought I better.

            After that I just had my coffee and finished the apple fritter I bought the other day at Darla’s Donuts. Coco had her grooming appointment at 9 with her new groomer at the Dog Park and she really, I mean really needed it as she was a little fur ball.

            I worked on my February 1988 Journal when Utah Title collapsed and I was out of work without a dime, no savings, and no one I could turn to for help. No wonder I am always so frightened about economic uncertainty. All my life I’ve had to depend on only myself.

            After picking Coco up at noon, and the yard waste garbage truck had emptied the bin, it was nice enough outside to finish working in the back yard. I finished raking up the yard waste from pulling weeds last week and also mowed the back yard and cleaned up the debris from the windstorm from earlier this week. It kept me productive at least.

            Kyle Foote needed me to pick him up in Bountiful at 4:30 as that he rented a shared office space at 1600 South and 500 West where he can leave his work truck. He could tell I was moody driving home because I was not at all responsive to him just answering yes and no.

            At the house, Mike Romero was finally there hitching up his camper trailer to head out to Wyoming for the Memorial Day Weekend. Kyle worked straightening up his side of the garage while I went upstairs to fix the pups their supper.

            I guess Kyle could tell something was wrong with me and asked if I wanted to go get an ice cream with him. I asked if he wanted one and did so I said I didn’t but would go with him because all I really wanted was to be with him.

            So, we drove back into Bountiful and went to the Baskin-Robbins there where he could get a shake. I didn’t feel like an ice cream. I sat in the car and watched so many people crowded into the small space, this one family having at least 7 kids inside.  I am glad I just remained in the car.

            I did want a drink and when we went through De Taco on 5^th South I decided I probably should eat something and Kyle ordered me a two taco combo with a Dr. Pepper. While out he wanted to show off his new office that he will be renting for $500 a month as well as do some construction work for the owners which I guess is Farmers Insurance. The previous tenant had just abandoned the space when the Coronavirus shut everything down, leaving the space nearly furnished with a copy machine, computer screens, office furniture, and even a microwave and refrigerator as well as a lot of office supplies.

            Kyle had his Business sign and logo already up and everything looked so professional and legit. This is how he should have spent his wasted youth. I said to him, that in another week it will be one year since you were released from prison to Fortitude and look at all you have accomplished, gone to school and created a business.

            At home he gave me a long hug before I went to bed and he returned to his office to do some work there. He said he loved me and I told him I loved him too. It’s all I needed to hear.

23 May 2020 Saturday

Kyle Foote didn’t spend the night here. He probably stayed at his new office in Bountiful. At noon I went over to retrieve Bill Poore to bring him to the house just so he could get away. We were going to go for a little drive but ended up just staying at the house so he could see the pups and we could visit. He is getting so winded he can barely walk without wheezing but he won’t do anything about it even though he could get oxygen from the V.A. Oh well… it’s his life but I hate to see him decline just because he’s so stubborn. We talked about getting some lunch but Bill was so indecisive and I didn’t care so we didn’t bother.

While Bill was here Jim Dabakis came over to retrieve Taco Belle and we talked a little about what was going on with Connell O’Donovan and the Pride Center. I told him that Connell has always been a crybaby and pouts when he doesn’t get his way and loves projecting himself as a martyred champion of the underdog when in reality he’s just narcissistic. Jim agreed with me that you can never placate “Social Justice Warriors” and they would rather see something destroyed if they can’t get their way. If the Center had continued all those people on salary they would have eventually lost their jobs when the Center could not afford to exist. This way at least they were able to get on unemployment.

            I did take him into Bountiful to show him where Kyle’s new is located and by the empty lot that used to be were Washington elementary once stood. My past is slowly being erased. I gave Bill the rest of the chicken pot pie and some zucchini bread I still had in the freezer.

            After taking him home and tried to relax myself I noticed a bit of drama on Fernleaf Street. I saw an ambulance and fire truck and a woman lying in the street. It sounded like she had an episode and passed out but the medics took her away and she seemed responsive so I hope the lady will be okay. She was no one I knew in my neighborhood but looked Polynesian. I had only been home about 10 minutes from taking Bill Poore back to his place when this all occurred. The dogs were really well behaved and not barking up a storm.

In the late afternoon it was still only 55 degrees out by the airport so I felt like making enchiladas and Spanish Rice. Now if I only felt like eating any of it instead of filling up on crackers. Getting old is an interesting transition for sure, when so many of one’s physical appetites diminish but you still think you have the appetite of a 20 year old in your head” In the olden days I would have had people over to help with eating all this but we are in a Brave New World.

I watched Rocket man a bio pic of Elton John that was on Hulu and The Simpson Movie on the Disney Channel before heading to bed at 10. I hadn’t seen Kyle all day and he hadn’t come home so I sent a text saying I hoped he was okay. I also saw that Walt Larabee made several attempts to call me this afternoon when I had left my phone down in the car.

Nearly 100,000 Americans are dead and trump went golfing.

24 May 2020 Sunday

            This morning, I was finally able to get my Utah Stonewall Historical Society Face Book Page from my old account over to the account I use now so I can monitor it better. There were 4 pictures that someone named Todd Owen Tanner who had posted from when the SUN club was destroyed by the Tornado back in 1991. I have been real neglectful about checking that site. That has lots of photos and comments that I would hate to see disappear because I am technically illiterate. I had to change accounts because someone kept turning me into Face book which threaten to delete me if I had any more complaints. You can’t argue with the Face book overlords.

I didn’t do much today and sat outside by the vegetable garden with the pups while it was warm but as soon as a cloud came over and cooled things off I came back inside.

I made a few phone calls in the afternoon to see how folks were doing. I tried calling my sister Donna but she must have been out so I just left a message. I also called back Walt Larabee who had called yesterday. I thought he might have needed something but he just wanted to visit and connect with people. We shared some of our history together and while we never really hung around together I told him that we were both threads in the tapestry of this community back then. I’ve always admired Walt.

            Then I called Jim McMullin to see how he and TJ Otaka were doing. Jim said that they were randomly selected by the U of U medical center to be one of the 10,000 people they wanted to test for the Corona Virus to sample the population. So last Friday they had their nose probed to see if they have the virus and also a blood draw to see if they have anti-bodies from past exposure. The testing people said they would not contact them about the nose swab if they were negative but Jim hasn’t heard back from the blood draw which would take a few days.

When Kyle Foote came home at 5 this afternoon he looked beat and he said he was really tired from all the hours he’s been putting in getting his business. He said he came home for us to go out to eat and he gave me a deep full hearted hug. It’s all I need from him.

Since he felt like Spaghetti again we decided to go to the Spaghetti Factor at Trolley Square as they were opened for sit down dining. It was the first time since March that I’ve gone to a restaurant to eat. The place had us sign a list voluntarily from which he could be contacted if someone one tested for the Coronavirus. All the wait staff wore masks and lots of tables and sitting sections were closed. People were seated far away from the handful of people in the place.

            We shared an order of Mizithra Cheese ala Homer of which I only had a few bites and ate some of a salad. I bought dinner because it was a treat being out and spending some time with Kyle. He said he got a big contract with some folks for a house project in the Indian Hills part of Salt Lake and now he’s getting more work than he can do by himself. He also barely talked about Danny Montoya and when he did he sounded frustrated by his neediness when Kyle has so much on his plate right now.

            I could tell he was exhausted so I didn’t bother him the rest of the evening when he retired downstairs and I watched Pixar’s WALL-E and a Walt Disney live action film called “Perri” the life of a pine squirrel that was actually film in the Uintah Mountains here in Utah. I was really tired too for some reason and kept yawning during the movie so at 9 I just gave up and went to bed.

Sue Robbins messengered me saying, “Ben, I would like to see if you would like to participate in my next show.   We are pre-recording everything but the next one is set to air the day after the weekend that would have been Pride.   I think since we can't have Pride, we can have a show talking about the beginning of Pride and how some of it came about.   I have asked Michael Aaron and Connell and they are in and Connell suggested Becky.  What do you think? Kind just a group chat of the early times and bring it forward. I have this next week off of work, so once everyone has committed, I was going to put us in the same discussion and see if we can do a Zoom together to record it.”  I didn’t want to tell her that I didn’t want to deal with Connell so I just replied that I didn’t know how to Zoom but she said I could just be on the telephone. We will see. The Royal Court’s Coronation was done on line with the actual event being cancelled. It was the first time in 45 years and I guess Austin Riley was appointed Empress after the original candidate was disqualified for a lapse in judgment. A woman was elected Emperor. I never heard of her but then I really don’t follow these things anymore.

25 May 2020 Monday Memorial Day

Bill Poore and I went to put flowers on his folks graves at noon. I never saw so many people out there with fields of potted mums everywhere. The roads through the cemetery were one way only so we had to wind our way through bumper to bumper traffic to find a place to park.

I thought of my folks buried in Rose Hill in Whittier and how there's no one left in California to put flowers on their graves but mom always said if you can’t bring me flowers when I am alive don’t bring them to me when I'm dead.

Afterwards we went to the Over The Counter Cafe over on 33^rd and 2400 East where Bill had a lot of memories especially of Ursel Allred his drama teacher and mentor at Highland High school. We had a nice time even though he irritated me by praising Trump’s Memorial Day speech. Well Bill was once a Republican so there’s that character flaw. Later on, Face book Bill picked a fight with Doug Murri and me defending his comments about the speech. It got really cantankerous but I just blew it off. If Bill isn’t fighting with someone he wouldn’t be Bill. It’s usually with members of his own family though.

When Kyle Foote came home he talked about all the renovation he’s going to do starting tomorrow. It’s going to cost about $7000 just to turn the Utility closet around so it’s open to the garage and he’s getting a waterless hot water tank. He was tired so he went to his room and I just watched some mindless television including Walt Disney’s That Darn Cat. I really never saw the appeal of Hayley Mills as a kid and I still don’t. Actually, all the acting was over the top.

I did talk to my sister Donna Jones this afternoon and she’s fine down there in Bull Head City but then she said they just don’t go out much at all.

If I heard a Republican denounce Donald Trump I might” just might.. consider voting for him or her but probably not” I can't betray all my friends who died of AIDS while Republicans blamed us, nor the hundreds of kids put in cages because their parents wanted a better life for them, nor the 100,000 dead Americans because of Republicans politicizing a disease “ I don’t want voting Republican to be a stain on my character”

26 May 2020 Tuesday

Coco is back in the morning so we are back on schedule although no one could say things are back to normal.

There’s lots of changes happening on Fernleaf. My neighbor to the north, Carlos, tore out the old concrete patio that Randy Gile had put in and he is having a large new one laid. Carlos is also chopping down the huge globe willow in the front between our two driveways to pour a side driveway. I thought Randy was dumb for putting a tree in there anyway rather than a driveway even back then. I am going to have some tall trees removed as  soon as I hear back from Derrick at Tree Inc.

Sometime this week Kyle Foote is going to start the basement remodel. He had this guy named Jim, who is his first hire, come over this morning with him to look at the place and game plan. I guess after 25 years it's time to update.

When Kyle came home late around 9 he said that the plan now is to clear out the basement but remodel the upstairs bathroom first so we always have at least one  working bathroom.

It was pleasant weather today only in the 70’s but for the rest of the week it’s going to get hot. Jim Dabakis registered as a Republican only so he can vote in the republican primary. It’s the only way to have a vote in who will be our next governor the way Republicans have rigged it that you have to be a registered Republican to vote.

In my lifetime I have witnessed the downward spiral of the Republican Party with the Democrat Party embracing progress throughout the years, until they actually did a 180 degree change when they abandoned the Dixiecrats who became the power base of the new Republican Party under Nixon.

The descent of the GOP began when Eisenhower signed an executive order banning Gay people from Federal employment, through Nixon who developed the Southern Strategy to incorporate George Wallace's racist policies, to Reagan's Trickle Down Economics and Union busting, to electing the Bush Oilmen father and son tag team involving us in endless oil wars, and now to petulant Trump who is dominated by his own greed, Religious Fascism and Russia.

In my youth there were such extinct creatures known as "liberal Republicans" like Nelson Rockefeller and Margaret Chase Smith. Barry Goldwater turned the Republican Party to the extreme right and Conservatives have dominated the party ever since 1968.

My family were always FDR Democrats. The Democrat Party established Social Security, Medicare, the Civil Rights Voting Act, the War on Poverty, the Affordable Care Act and every safety net established to ensure the General Welfare of Americans. They have been fought against tooth and nail by the Republican Party.

I was fortunate that when I began to vote in 1970 the Democratic Party was reforming itself shaking off conservative ideology that oppressed the poor, blacks, women, and other minorities so as an adult my views have always been reflected in a not always perfect Democrat Party but one whose vision has always been FDR's New Deal, Truman's Fair Deal, JFK's New Frontier, LBJ's Great Society, Clinton's "For people for change" and Obama's Hope.

I was born a Democrat and will die a Democrat. I am truly one of the last "Yellow Dog Democrats"

There’s over 100 deaths in Utah now from Covid19 and 100,000 deaths in the United States and all Trump could do this weekend is play golf and promote himself. Did anyone expect anything else out of Petulant Trump? Steve Benen of MSNBC wrote “Trump published a tweet wishing everyone a "HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!" which is not a phrase usually associated with a national holiday honoring the dead…

The first sign of trouble came on Friday afternoon, when the Republican delivered White House remarks intended to honor veterans and POW/MIA service members (a sensitive subject for Trump, given his 2015 mockery of troops who were captured while serving abroad).

Over the course of about 20 minutes, the president lied about the Veterans Choice program, lied about pandemic stockpiles, lied about Joe Biden, peddled nonsense about Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi, attacked journalists, and turned an official event into an explicitly campaign-oriented pitch.

"November 3rd is a big day. We don't want to destroy this country," Trump said, pointing to Election Day 2020. He added, "Get out there. Work. November 3rd -- November 3rd is the big day."

In an official event the White House described as "Honoring our Nation's Veterans and POW/MIA," the president's principal focus appeared to be on honoring the goals of his re-election campaign.

27 May 2020 Wednesday

It's going to get really warm today and in the mid-nineties for the rest of the week. We might even reach 100 so I watered early this morning so my plants don’t whither and bake.  I do not have an English Garden but one that is an old hippie one like me “wild and free “yet nurturing and care taking “Spring time in the Rockies is about over”

Well Memorial Day is generally accepted as the first of Summer when technically we have another month until the Solstice “how pleasant it is to sit under a tree one has planted and water your garden “how I love to see things grow” it's in my DNA.

I think I appreciate my garden so much because here in Utah, the 2nd driest state in America “everything we grow, we have to nurture and coax out of the ground unlike California and the Pacific Northwest where rain and temperate weather makes it all so lush” my soil is hard river bottom  clay also and this was a land of rag weed before my house was built 24 years ago. Rich Butler remarked “Getting all nostalgic. I dug that shit earth up and leveled it for sod. It was nasty soil. I'm amazed anything grew, lol” I answered, “You had me put in gypsum to break the clay down. When it was wet you sunk down and you were stuck like glue and when dry hard as a brick.

            I dragged this big planter with decorative grass off the deck in the back yard and place it in the front yard. I bet it weighed 50 pounds but I managed to put in my old garden cart and wheel it out.

In the evening Kyle and I went to the Lowe’s in Bountiful to look as a stackable washer and dryer, a new bathroom vanity, and shower enclosure for the upstairs bathroom that is being remodeled. I am losing the linen closet and a washer and dryer will be going in there.  We stayed there until almost 8 before going to Panda Buffet for dinner. The one in Bountiful you ordered outside in a line and they brought it to you. It was really busy with about 10 people queued waiting. It was pleasant out so I didn’t mind waiting in the Rogue while Kyle bought dinner.

            He was really tired after a long day but super excited that he got another job assignment for a kitchen remodel. He said that this made him have in gross a half a million dollar worth of projects.  He’s hired one person already but is going through temporary agency to try out others.

            At home we split some of the Chinese dinner he bought and he went downstairs to zoom with Danny Montoya after giving me a hug. So that ended my day.

28 May 2020 Thursday

I spent time this morning cleaning out the linen closet that was demolished to make room for a washer and dryer.

Kyle Foote’s employee Jimmy Adams was here all day with a temp helper named Roy and another guy who came much later who Kyle said he wouldn’t hire back. First thing I had Jim and Roy move the twin lazy boy out of the movie room to make room for Kyle’s bedroom furniture from down in the basement. I also had them remove Mike’s Grandma’s old twin bed to take to the dump. It was still a pretty decent bed but I have no use for it anymore and since Deseret Industries at Welfare Square is still closed for drop offs, what I can’t use any more will go to the dump. It’s almost like a house fire with all I am getting rid of and what is being demolished.

I kept the pups in my bedroom with the door open so they could come and go outside but shut the doggy door so not to bother the workmen. Kyle had to be at some meetings and to train the woman he hired to do his books so it was just Jim and Roy for most of the day dismantling the bed downstairs and moving everything out of Kyle’s room into the movie room. I hauled up all of Kyle’s clothes in his closet and items out of his bathroom so between rearranging the front room and making up his bed I was pretty busy myself. Goodbye movie room and hello temporary bedroom while the basement is being reconfigured. I had this movie room for over 15 years and had a lot of fun movie nights and dinners with great friends but time to accept change and move on. I have to face the reality of getting to old to entertain like I once did.

            Then the demolition began. Jim worked upstairs tearing out my linen closet in the bathroom to put in a washer and dryer later so I don’t have to keep going up and down stairs in my old age. Roy demolishing downstairs by himself until the second helper showed up so Team Build has been working hard all day. Good bye line closet and coat closet. Goodbye all the work I did downstairs refinishing the basement so I could live down there for 13 years. There were Lots of pounding and smashing and thrashing in the house today.

            I was surprised to see Taco Belle show up at 3:30 in the afternoon. He comes and goes like he owns the joint. Ha! But he came fortunately when most of the demolition was finished upstairs and I would let the pups back into the rest of the upstairs.

            Kyle came back about 4 to check on the progress and downstairs was almost completely gutted to the studs that I hadn’t seen in 23 years. He had to leave again and the rest of the crew quit at 5 and I had Mike Romero come over to pick Coco up because I had the FIT parked on the street.

            Kyle came back about 8 mentally and physically tired and happy that I had made up the bed for him so he didn’t have to worry about having a place to sleep.

            So, it was quite the day at Fernleaf. The neighbors next door had a huge concrete patio in their backyard poured and I had my basement demolished.

            It was quite warm today in the high 80’s but will be in the 90’s tomorrow and for the next couple of days.

In the news a black man was murdered by police in Minneapolis which was sparked a national outrage and rioting in that city.

29 May 2020 Friday

Kyle Foote and his workers Jim Adams and Roy were over at 8:30 this morning to finish the demolition of downstairs and to take loads of debris to the dump. Besides watering outside I didn’t do much of anything all day except to run to the store while the crew went to the dump to get some items for me and the pups. After seeing  Kyle this morning, I never him the rest of the day as he didn’t even come home to spend the night. Oh well I am not his parole officer.

            I did call Derrick owner of Tree Inc and got an estimate on taking out the trees which he said would be between $4500 and $5000 which I suspected so I agreed and it will commence probably sometime in June.

            I talked to Chuck Whyte today to see how he’s doing and what was up with Coronation this year. I tried visiting with him yesterday but his med’s had made him loopy so I called back today.  He’s doing as best as can be expected going stir crazy. Even though Kyle is not around much these days, at least I have the FIT and can go for a drive. This year the court has two Emperors and no Empress. Evidently the Empress candidate was withdrawn and since the bylaws say that there must be two Monarchs, Austin Riley stepped up but as an Emperor too.  Kyle has some issues with Austin when he was a teen and being seduced by Austin. Well, it’s not like Kyle also didn’t have a sex addiction to but then. Who’s to judge?

Nearly 22 years ago I sheet rocked the downstairs, Randy Gile wired the electricity, and Rich Butler put in a drop ceiling. I even built a closet all by myself. It's all rubble now “ all we are is dust in the wind”

            Jim Adams said that when he took out the shower downstairs in the ceiling were a lot of dead mice. Yuck. I bet that was where a lot of my flies have come from during the summer for the past few years.

Carlos, my only neighbor on Fernleaf had poured a side concrete pad and is taking out Kayla's tree that Randy Gile had planted for his daughter when she was just a tot “so lots of changes on Fernleaf.

 There have been several outbreaks of rioting over the murder of George Floyd nationally. The police are on the most part heroes however they need a citizen review and oversight, otherwise they rule us instead of us ruling them as it should be in a Democracy and not just a tool used by corrupt men to oppress people.

For those Gays who are condemning the actions of the minorities in Minneapolis remember that Harvey Milk was murdered by a former police officer, whom the police fraternity had more sympathy with than with Milk or George Moscone and whose light slap on the wrists sentence led to the White Night rioting in San Francisco. That event destroyed hundreds of thousands of dollars of property at City Hall and burned and destroyed more than a dozen police cars.

When heterosexual white people riot during something as stupid as sporting events like the Super Bowl, no one ever calls for them to be shot like Trump has. These people riot over issues way less important than racism, police violence, and grievances with the criminal justice system. Don't blame the victims of social and economic injustice”

People who are saying there’s no need for violence against property certainly are the same people who went ape shit over Colin Kaepernick’s taking a knee to protest police violence towards black men. In September 2017, at a rally in Alabama, Trump said that NFL owners should react to protesting players saying “Get that son of a bitch off the field right now. He’s fired. He’s fired!” He castigated Kaepernick for taking a knee and Trump painted other African American athletes as ungrateful, all to the thunderous applause of his racist base” evidently violence is the only thing racists understand.

Racism in America is when you are white you can take weapons anywhere even into state capitols and the ass in the White House will call you good people but if you protest violence against your community he calls you a thug.

30 May 2020 Saturday

I certainly don't need any more clothes but if I did, I like this sentiment on a tee-shirt that says, “Never Underestimate an Old Man and with a Schnauzer.” All my Schnauzers are gone now. I had at least one, mostly more, since 1996 until 2019”Oscar, Saffy, Smokey, Coco, Daisy, Buddy, Harleigh, Lucky, and Farley” Saffy and Smokey were sister and brother, but not litter mates, while Daisy and Buddy were. Coco is all that is left now and she is really Mike's little girl that I take care of 5 days a week”

Now 3 of my pups are Chihuahuas and one is a terrier “ I also get a visit from Jim Dabakis' Chihuahua Taco at least about once a week. Taco and all my canines except the sibling schnauzers were and are rescued pups from shelters”

Yesterday, Build Team's crew gutted downstairs for a remodel. The bathroom is going to be kicked out into the garage about 2 feet making for a larger shower. The furnace and water heater will be turned around, walled in with access through the garage. A smaller stackable water and dryer will go in where you come downstairs and the retaining wall will be removed & replaced with a beam making the downstairs an open space like a studio apt with a kitchen sink and small appliances

The window in the front will be cut out to make for a separate entrance and under the stairwell there will be built-in drawers or storage. It’s ambitious but exciting but I feel somewhat like Sarah Winchester with the constant hammering.

It was hot, hot, hot today so stayed inside after watering outside this morning. It's almost June and my roses are just now starting to bloom. I planted a yellow rose bush in my front yard to remember my Texas Grandmas.

Most racists don’t know that the song “The Yellow Rose of Texas” referred to a mixed race sweetheart. Mulatto and High Yellow were terms used once to distinguish mixed race people, Octoroon was another. High Yellows were African Americans with mostly European American ancestry. I do have a beautiful dark red Mr. Lincoln rose bush too but no blooms on it yet.

I was up at 5:30 this morning so by the afternoon it was nap time at the House of the Barking Dogs. Buster found his safe space below the credenza. He always likes to be in corners or under something.

Later while watching the news, I was surprised to hear of rioting in downtown Salt Lake City that escalated from a protest of the murder of George Floyd. I never thought I'd see the day “The Governor even called the National Guard out.

People are outraged over vandalism and the burning of a patrol car. Republicans decry the destruction of property while Democrats protest the destruction of people” I know on which side I stand”

Yesterday, sometime late Friday night, vandals tagged Orem High School’s softball facilities with the words “Nigger and Faggot”.  This is why people are sick to death of Trump’s America.

I have not heard from anyone in Utah’s Republican Party decry the murder of black folks by rogue police officers. I’ve not heard a word, except to just piss and moan about the destruction of property and call for law and order instead of calling for justice and equality.

Some crazy old fat white man tried to shoot protesters with a hunters’ bow and arrow before he was mobbed and his car trashed. It's the radical right who are the murderous sons of bitches. A young 19 man was shot and killed in Detroit by a fascist.

At 8 tonight Mayor Mendenhall placed Salt Lake City under curfew until 6 in the morning Monday. I started truly watching the news at 9 and all that was on it was live coverage of the police in full force trying to disperse hundreds of demonstrators at Washington Square and on 3^rd South 2^nd East. It’s so weird to see this much confrontation in Salt Lake City.

Sadly, former peaceful protests against racial profiling didn’t work because we have an Imperial Grand Wizard in the White House. Like Satan, Trump only sees value in the wealth of this world “counting a person’s worth in dollars and cents “certainly the American Evangelical movement is led by ravenous wolves in sheep clothing”

Finally, I heard some good news that Lou Sheldon the bastard anti-Gay pastor from Anaheim died.

Kyle Foote was gone all day again but called about 10 tonight saying he may come home when Danny Montoya comes in tomorrow

31 May 2020 Sunday

I broke curfew this morning to go to Luckys to buy some grub for the pooches.  There was a sign in the store saying they would close at 8 this evening to obey the Governor's directive.

I saw a lot of black shoppers out early also. Probably they wanted to avoid any issues later in the day as the store gets crowded even though I would say the majority of shoppers in my neighborhood are minorities. We are a hot spot for Covid19 because of the income and racial disparities of the west side of Salt Lake City.

Other than going out this morning I never left the house nor saw a soul today. I was expecting Kyle Foote to come home this evening but it was after 10 at night when he did and, even though I was still up napping in the lazy boy, I just went to bed rather than deal with him. He had all day to call, text, or messenger me if he had anything to say.

So ends another month of self-isolating. My life is kind of disrupted now not only by the virus but the remodeling that has demolished the basement and dislocate my stuff upstairs as well.

I heard that over 40 people were arrested yesterday mainly for refusing to comply with the curfew. But it was relatively calm today.

The ruling class cares more for property than people always has always will. If law Enforcement can be equipped like soldiers why can’t Doctors and Nurses be equipped with all the gear they need to be safe and do their jobs saving lives. If law enforcement was truly here to protect us, then why then not equip doctors properly as well?

If I have to live through another epidemic, I am glad I am 69 and not 39. I feel sorry for those in the prime of their lives, having to give up so much and isolate from one another to be safe. At 69 I don’t go out or do anything anymore and I don’t miss it. I am content to lay in the backyard soaking up the sun, safe behind my vine covered fence.

When I was 39 year old, as long as we played safe, we could hug and share human contact and intimacy but now young people can't even see those who are smiling at them because of face masks. Then even if attracted to someone they have to stay 6 feet apart or risk getting sick or potentially spreading a virus to others to whom it's a death sentence.  It’s a Brave New World.

With all this new consciousness about racial issues in America, I remember visiting family in Texas when I was little, where Lubbock had separate parts of the city where blacks could only live “it had an ugly name “Nigger Town”“ blacks were not allowed to use certain bathrooms and drinking fountains in McKenzie Park where we were picnicking.

Then as a teenager, the 1960s exploded with race riots when Civil Right Marches in the South were ignored. My sister Donna and I were on a train coming back from Texas in 1965 and the train went through Watts during the riot. I remember clearly cars containing white people screaming at the black conductor who I was standing with between passenger cars at a railroad crossing.

I remember the white riots against busing school children in the north. I remember Martin Luther King being assassinated by a white supremacist. I remember the Mormon Church's ban on blacks holding the priesthood and two young black men murdered in Liberty Park for jogging alongside a white girl. I remember the state legislature refusing to honor MLK by naming the holiday “Human Rights Day” instead, for years and years”

The election of President Obama incensed Mitch McConnell and the evil GOP to do everything they could to thwart his agenda because he was mixed race and now Trump has done everything thing he can to overturn Obama’s programs even to the detriment of America.

Trump’s administration has allowed the dark evil that is racism to come out again: aided and abetted by rogue law enforcers. Instead of lynching black men to keep African Americans in their place they are being executed on urban streets.

JUNE

1 June 2020 Monday

It’s the hottest June 1^st ever at 93 degrees. The Zephyr winds have just about sapped every bit of moisture from the ground and flowers. My peonies, which were just few days ago blooming and pretty, are all withered and dried up. The heat this the past weekend has ended my irises and oriental poppies for this season. I’m trying to keep things watered but the winds just dries everything to the bone” However my clematis and roses are holding up.

            Danny Montoya and Kyle Foote spent the night here in the movie room, now a bedroom across from me. Kind of strange having them up here, living with me instead of holed up downstairs.

            Jimmy Adams and his helper Roy Darmiento showed up about 9 this morning and continued deconstructing the basement in preparation of putting up a cross beam where the support wall is coming down.

            I worked on typing up my 1988 Journal for much of the morning and the only time I left the house was when Mike Romero and I went into Bountiful. He came to pick up Coco because I can’t take her home as my car isn’t in the garage which is filled with construction debris. Mike orders his groceries on line now for pick up and he uses the Smith’s there in Woods Cross. I went with him so we could order a Pecan Chicken salad sandwich from Arby’s. I bought us dinner. It was pretty tasty but only ate half of my sandwich.

            After Mike left for home, I fed the dogs some roasted chicken and started to watch an episode of a documentary on Jeffery Epstein called Filthy Rich.  Kyle and Danny came home themselves around 7:30 with a pizza and after eating joined me in the front room to watch a couple of episodes of Frankie and Grace. I let them have the adjoining lazy boys and I lay on the bay window insert. I watched them hold hands and it made me smile knowing that they seem to be in love and comfortable with each other.

            I finally went to bed at 10 at night and they adjourned their room shortly thereafter.

            In the news Salt Lake City extended their curfew for a week that people can’t be out between 8 in the evening until 6 in the morning. I don’t think I ever lived under a mandatory curfew in my life.

Trump made a speech saying how tough he’s going to be on protests across America. Am I the only one who mutes the TV whenever trump speaks? It's not just the lies he tells but it's also the gibberish he spews while trying to convince his moronic followers how great he is. He said that if governors and mayors do not get tough on protesters he will call out the army to do so. Then he tear gassed his way to stand in front of a church holding a Bible for a photo op.

If being anti Trump makes me anti-fascist then I guess I am Antifa but so was Generals Eisenhower, Patton, Bradley, and President FDR so I am in good company

2 June 2020 Tuesday

Jim Adams and his helper Roy Darmiento are about done demolishing downstairs and cleaning it out. They even cleaned the garage enough for me to be able to park the FIT into it so I could take Coco home and give the pups a ride again.

            I put $2800 into Build Teams account to pay for the beam and wages for the workmen this morning but really didn’t see Kyle Foote or Danny Montoya much today.

            It was warm today but not nearly as hot as it has been. I didn’t water today. Besides they found a crack in the water line that goes to the backyard faucet so whenever I turned the hose on it would spray into the basement. It probably has done that for years.

I went to Taco bell on North temple for supper and ordered two tostados which was just about right and while driving by the National Guard SLC headquarters on 17th North and 23rd West I saw that the entire parking lot and along the road was filled with cars and about 50 men were grouped outside listening to someone. I have never seen anything like it the 24 years I've lived here even after 911. I’ve heard that Gov. Herbert is deploying 200 National Guards to Washington DC as part of trump’s demands.

Something is going on at the Northwest Middle School also here on 17th and Redwood because the entire parking lot is filled also with overflow cars parked on the street” school is not in session so not sure what is going on”

If you only watch Fox News you'd think Antifa is instigating Civil War against the U.S. when it's been the far right calling for a Civil War and have been infiltrating the protests in many cases driving the violence and property destruction” Rush Limbaugh, Hannity, and Info Wars have been stirring the pot for years.

Antifa is short for Antifascist “ it's been in use since WWII” but came back in prominence after Trump was elected in 2016” it is not an organization, has no hierarchy or leadership, it's just a term for people who see fascism creeping into the American way of life” but the Trump administration especial Bill Barr wants to create the impression it's an organization directing these protest. Our fathers and mothers who fought fascism in Europe and the Pacific 70 years ago would be appalled to see it rear its ugly head on these shores.

We are under an 8 in the evening curfew which is later than in some cities. I have never lived under a mandatory city wide curfew in my entire life until the Trump fascist regime caused civil unrest in America. Not so strange, I don't see conservatives protesting the stay at home order as they did with the Corvid 19 directive.

The GOP is trying in every way they can to keep people from voting and so it’s no wonder some people feel like they must take to the streets.

I get it that not all Trump supporters are racists but still all racists ARE trump supporters. Trump's racists and fascists supporters are not true American patriots just because they wave flags, many of which are Nazi and Confederate flags.

Trump attacked peaceful protestors with tear gas so he could have a photo op in front of a Washington DC church while holding up a Bible. Someone needs to tell trump that holding a Bible in front of a church, where you've gassed your fellow Americans, does not make you the Messiah.

I cringe every time some ass hat Republican candidate in Utah promotes the virtues of being a businessman as if that gives someone the ability to actually govern when dealing complex issues of government” people are not products to make a profit off of” Donald Trump ran as a businessman and how has that turned out”

3 June 2020 Wednesday

Happy Birthday mom” I miss you. She would have been 91 years old. Down in the basement the old furnace, water heater, and softener were dismantled this morning so I was without hot water and air conditioning today as the temperature outside was 92 degrees today. Even the upstairs toilet was without water so we had to empty a bucket of water into the tank to flush the commode.

            Jimmy Adams worked on framing in where the new utility closet will go and his helper Roy Darmiento was put to work by Kyle Foote trenching out where the front door to the basement will go. I didn’t know he was doing this until I went into the backyard to pee and saw Roy with a wheel barrel dumping dirt with the side gate wide open. So, I quickly shut the doggy door to keep the pups from wandering off and then went to help Roy.

He had already removed all the castle bricks and stones from my herb garden and had actually dug up all the plants I had just put in about a month ago. If Kyle would have told me that this was going to be a project today I could have transplanted a lot but oh well. At least I was able to save my rosemary bush which is quite large and several years old.

Roy was shoveling and using a pick ax and I suggested using my rotor tiller which would really dig down into the clay soil and make it easier to shovel. That was what I was helping with today, rotor tilling, while Roy shoveled but mostly I worked with a cute 20 something boy who did all the heavy work. He didn’t have a hat and it was so hot out that I just gave him the old bear emblem hat that I got at the Lazy Bear Rendezvous so many years ago. I never wear it anymore and he loved it.

I pooped out about 3 and it ain't done yet but what I can do at 69 years is a lot different than what I could at 45.

The house has really heated up without air conditioning even with the windows open and two box fans going to help keep the pups from overheating. They still were panting a lot.   At least its cooling off for this weekend but on Friday it may be up to 100 degrees but hopefully the air conditioning will be finished and on tomorrow.

Mike Romero had to come get Coco as I was not able to use the garage and I gave him half of the strawberries I bought at Lucky’s this morning. The crew didn’t finish for the day until 6 so after that I just went out to get something to eat after feeding the pups a chicken I had roasted.

I wanted to go to Taco Bell again but the drive through line was so back up I just went over to Arby’s instead and had a Greek Yeero and a medium Dr. Pepper. That filled me up for sure.

On the way home I had a phone call from Kyle saying that he had talked to the same Polynesians who did Carlos next door’s cement patio and they said they would cut down my trees, pour concrete, and move my fence all for $6,800.  So, I had him call Derrick at Tree Inc. to put him off.

4 June 2020 Thursday

This is my “First world” problem. I could not get to sleep last night because it was so warm upstairs and the poor dogs were panting. When I opened the bedroom door to the outside deck to let in some night air, I was bit by several mosquitoes so I really couldn’t sleep.

So, I just got up and finished typing up my manuscript journal from July 1988. It seems like a hundred years ago but then the memories also feel just like yesterday. It was good to recall past friends long gone now. Pride Day was in July that year. Pioneer Day was on the 25th and the first Beyond Stonewall was held the last weekend of the month. I get tired just from reading about all I was involved in back then.

I finally went into the front room at 3:30 in the morning where I had a fan blowing and slept in the lazy boy with Lulubelle on my feet and TJ in my lap. I was able to sleep until 630.

I then went down to Lucky’s to get two cases of bottled water because we had none and it was going to be a hot one again and I wanted everyone hydrated. Jimmy Adams showed up about 8:30 and started framing in where the new furnace and water heater will go. They have to be at least 18 inches off the ground according to code so he had to build a shelf.

I was watering the yard but the old hose I had was really leaking so I went with Kyle Foote when he went down to Sutherlands and bought a new hose. All my plants were suffering because of the heat. Everything is so dry like the middle of July not the beginning of June.

When Roy Darmiento showed up, I was out rotor tilling the dirt in front of the house where the front door is going to be put in, coming out of where the basement window is. Roy is a young guy who is doing all the shoveling and wheel barreling the dirt into my side yard. We sure are making a mountain out of mole hill.

The furnace and water heater guys finally showed up about 10:30 and I had at least water in the bathroom again to flush the commode without using a bucket to fill the tank. However, they said that the air conditioning won’t be back on until tomorrow when it’s a hundred degrees, but at least the water is back on in the bathroom.

One of the installers was a very hunky, at least 6 feet 5 inches, and a dreamboat. There must be a way to get a bunch hot blue collar construction guys to come to the house without tearing everything up “but at my age I will take why I can get.

I had to take a break about 11:00 and just at that point stayed in the house with the pups and cat napped until Kyle came back to the house and wanted to show me the new open space downstairs with the beam was placed where the supporting wall had been. It sure opened the room up. Kyle had the installers put in a waterless hot water unit instead of the big water take that was heating my water.  He also said that he’s got some more guys coming tomorrow to help Roy excavate the rest of the dirt but that it needed to go into the backyard because the guys doing the trees and concrete next week said they would haul the excess dirt away.

Work was at a stopping point by 4:30 and everyone left when I see Taco Belle bounding in. Jim Dabakis was still in the driveway as was Mike Romero who was here to pick up Coco.  Jim gave me a copy of Trevor Southey’s biography book with his paintings. It was evidently a misprint and so Jim found it while his place is being renovated too. I told Jim that next week my backyard fence may be down for a while so it’s better that Taco Belle doesn’t come over until some of the trees are removed and concrete is poured.

Mike and I decided we wanted tostados for supper so we went to Chubby’s that was opened for limited seating. We sat outside and tried to figure out the new rules for eating at a restaurant. Their sign said to wear a mask when coming inside the building but a waitress came out to us. It was pleasant sitting outside and not too warm.  Mike said he’s going to take off from work tomorrow and go camping maybe.

Kyle Foote didn’t come back home until after 10 and by that time I was already sleeping in the front room with the pups.

Plenty of protests are still happening here in Salt Lake City and other places. You know there is a problem when the police will attack peaceful unarmed protestors while armed insurrectionist can enter state houses to protest the injustice of being inconvenienced and are not arrested.

Conservatives are still not wearing masks out. I don't know why these angry white men are making such a big deal about wearing a mask when most of them have no problem wearing a white hood..

Nauseating. Greg Hughes is running an ad where he brags that he was one of trumps earliest supporters and then he shows a clip as proof with Trump complimenting him. But trump calls him “Rick Hughes” before correcting it to Greg? It was so pathetic but funny too” some Utah Morons will think Greg Hughes must be Trumps pal”

5 June 2020 Friday

I was up early around 6 to make some pancakes although I really didn’t eat much of them. I knew it was going to be hot today so I did a lot of watering in the back and front yards before the crew started to show up.

I put $5000 into Kyle Foote’s account to pay for the rest of the utility closet being put in. I also worked this morning with Roy Darmiento trenching the path that will be the front entry to the basement. It was actually pleasant this morning with a slight breeze while we dug out the dirt. I helped dig out a path from the foundation until nearly 11 so I was pooped for the rest of the day. I left it to Roy to finish digging down 18 more inches in a five foot square that Kyle said was needed for the equipment that will come to cut out the door frame next week.

Mike Romero came over to hitch up his camper about 11. I guess he’s going to some KOA campground in Idaho. I didn’t see Kyle much today as he only dropped by a few times to check on progress. 

Jimmy Adams was cutting through concrete downstairs for much of the day which was really loud but what can you do? The furnace and hot water guys were over all day too and while they finally had the waterless tank installed they were working on the air conditioning unit all day.

As the day heated up the house, the pups and I huddled together as the workmen did their thing while I tried to keep them calm. I had to keep them in the house also for much of the day as that the gates were open with men coming and going. It was 90 degrees inside the house by 1 in the afternoon and even got as high as 92 degrees but we toughed it out best we could with fans blow warm air and putting a wet cloth over my head to try and stay cool and staying hydrated the best we could too.

The pups didn’t eat much of their chicken and steak supper I guess because the house was too hot for them. I went down to Taco Bell and got two tostados, a taco, and a large Dr. Pepper for my supper. I realized that while I enjoy the tostados, I don’t care for their Tacos anymore. Their recipe had changed from when I worked for Taco Bell 50 years ago now.

I signed up for the Curiosity Stream channel today so I could watch some documentaries and I watched the one-off excavating a new street in Pompeii, the first time in 70 years. They found an inscription that actually changed the date of the eruption from August 24 to October 24^th.

Anyway, even though the air conditioning was finally on I was told it would take all night for it to cool the house down after the nearly 100 degrees we had today in Salt Lake City.

Kyle never came home again and I slept for a bit in front of the fans until around midnight when the house had cooled to 88 I went to bed in my room.

The Pride Center held their Virtual Spectacular tonight but I didn’t watch it. They honored Kerrie Galloway with the Dr. Kristen Ries Award and Kim Anderson with a Life Time Achievement Award.  I never heard of either of these women before now but I guess Kerrie had been a long time director of Planned Parenthood and I have no idea who Kim Anderson is for her to receive the Life Time Award. Far as I know Ben Barr and I are the only ones to have received both Kristen Ries and Life Time Achievement Awards and Ben only got his through the insistence of his sister Roseanne Barr who said she would be Grand Marshall that year if they didn’t recognize him even though he left Utah in about 1995.

6 June 2020 Saturday

After it being nearly 100 degrees here yesterday and 92 in the house without any air conditioning, this morning its 62 outside and it is sprinkling rain. It's still 79 in the house so all the windows and doors are opened to get the temps down until at least 75 again.

            Kyle Foote never came home today and haven’t heard a word from him. In fact, I haven’t heard from anyone except what I read on Face Book. I haven’t seen anything from Bill Poore in a while since Memorial Day.

            I went to do a load of wash but the electricity for the washer and dryer were turned off so I couldn’t do that even. So far my new tank less hot water heater should be called lukewarm water heater” it barely makes the water tepid “ if it can be turned up, no one showed me how before taking off. I guess I can still boil water to wash the dishes. I wash clothes in cold water generally so that's not an issue. It's a good thing I am self-quarantining or I'd have B.O. I spent a lot of money for tepid water though” they are coming back Tuesday to install my water softener then so I guess I will tell them to turn up the heat.

We are getting a good dowsing shower here that feels wonderful after the tremendous heat in the house from yesterday. The parched ground is soaking up very bit of moisture that hits the earth”

The house is finally comfortable again and it's kind of nice napping weather. The pups slept almost all day because we really hadn't slept well in this oppressive heat for the past couple of days and with all the commotion in the house. I needed to catch up on my rest and I know the pups are so much more content with it being calmer.

Jim Dabakis came and got Taco Belle while I went down to Wendy’s for a Dave’s Cheese burger and a Dr. Pepper for lunch. The soda was good but I am certainly not missing anything from not eating at Wendy's for years. The hamburger wasn’t even hot when I got home and it was just kind of mushy as there was too much mayonnaise goop on it.

But maybe it's just me because nothing tastes as good as it used to years ago” Burger King’s Whopper, anything at Taco Bell, Carl's Junior, but I had a pecan chicken salad sandwich at Arby’s the other day which I thought was rather good. I could only eat half of it but when I did the next day the other half was still tasty.

I think I am turning into a junk food junkie” I went out in the pouring rain to Del Taco in North Salt Lake because I didn’t want to fix anything for my supper. I think I've given up on cooking with no one here anymore to cook for.

This morning, I went to Darla’s Donuts for Apple Fritters, ate part of a Wendy Burger for lunch and now its Del Taco. I have plenty of food in the house but why bother just for me? I'd do Meals on Wheels but I am not that bad off yet. Yes I still cook better for the pups then for myself.

Speaking of pups, it's raining cats and dogs here west of the Jordan River. I got soaked just running in to the house from the car. I can’t park in the garage yet because of all the debris left from the construction is still in there.

I watched some of the Curiosity Stream channel and while I like it” for some reason it will stop at one point and I have to restart it all over again.

Today there were 546 new cases of Covid19 here in Utah and over 400 the day before. Too many Utahns still think it's still a Democrat Hoax because Greg Hughes good Buddy the Donald said so. Don’t blame the Republicans however because Utahns voted for them.

Utahns are to blame for the increase. Just look at the mobs of people that were out over Memorial Day 2 weeks ago. Most Utahns won’t even wear masks, stay home, or social distance themselves because they feel that their constitutional rights to assemble during a plague is paramount over common sense. Ask Witt the mayor of Kaysville or any other right wing demagogue if you don’t believe me. No body is gonna tell them what they can or can’t do by golly. If grandma dies she, dies. I've got my rights. Let's go green is all I hear from the Utah Legislature. The business of Utah is business not the health and welfare of its people.

7 June 2020 Sunday

It's a dark and gloomy day” a stay in bed day” And then the rains came. It's a deluge here west of the Jordan River with thunder and lightning very, very frightening at least for the pups. Lulubelle is shaking like a leaf “I think we have had more rain in the past 2 days than we did in all April and May.

            I didn’t see or hear from Kyle Foote all weekend. I guess that is going to be the new norm. So, this is the work in progress in the basement. Going into the garage there’s a new utility closet constructed that contains a new furnace, water heater, and eventually a new water softener. There will be doors on it to access it from the garage. Walking into the basement from the garage, on the right, there will be a small linen closet before entering the main area that once contained two rooms.

The supporting wall was removed and a support beam was put in its place. Where the window is facing the street will be an entrance door from the outside. this larger space now will become a combination sitting room, bedroom and a very small bar sink and microwave area. A full size washer and dryer will also be tucked near the new shower bathroom that is being reconfigured and expanded out a bit into the garage. So, the act of destruction is mostly complete and the act of creation will begin next week.

Mike Romero came back from camping in Idaho about noon and I asked him about the water heater being just tepid. He has one just like mine and so he looked at it and the people who installed it had set it at 104 degrees. So, we turned it up to 120 and now it's just fine although it does take a couple of minutes for the kitchen sink to really get hot. So, I am happy again.

I told Mike about the Curiosity Stream channel and how much I enjoy it and especially for only $20 a year.

It was cool in the house 68 degrees and just on Friday it was 92 degrees in the house so today I had to run the new furnace to take a chill off because of the damp  weird weather.

At 4 this afternoon I went to the grocery store instead of buying fast food. In the deli section they had organic basil tomato soup and I thought how yummy that might be on a cold rainy day. So, after coming home I microwaved it, put in some oyster crackers “and blah! It was awful. I couldn’t eat but a few spoonfuls before throwing it away. They say not having a sense of smell or taste is a Covid19 symptom but I must not have it because this crap tastes nasty. I wonder what a person has when everything taste lousy? Well not everything these Nutter Butter cookies are pretty good” hey don’t judge” there’s peanut butter in them kind of.

I cooked the pups beef for their supper but they didn’t seem too hungry. Probably because of the weather. I also cooked some chicken thighs up for them later in the week and made chicken noodle soup from the drippings. It was okay but as I said I just don’t have much of an appetite.

8 June 2020 Monday

            Jimmy Adams and Roy Darmiento were here about 9 this morning to work more down in the basement. They were jack hammering the concrete surrounding the sewer and water lines so they could excavate.

            It was a cool day almost cold and actually had the furnace turned on when last Friday I was suffering from the heat. It actually snowed in the canyons today but just kind of rained off and on all day.

            I just stayed in and watched Hulu and also baked some cookies which I shared with the guys.  They worked until about 3:30 then stopped for the day. They dug out a huge amount of gravel. I posted on line that if anyone had a body they needed to get rid of now was the time. No questions asked.

I am really enjoying Curiosity Stream which is only $20 a year and has hundreds of documentaries. I’ve been watching documentaries about Pompeii, the Celts, Ancient Mammals, feathered dinosaurs, the rise of humanoids and so much more. I get tired of just watching movies and series so this channel really helps with the old brain's need for knowledge.

            Kyle came home with Danny Montoya who is back for a few days but really didn’t spend much time with them because they didn’t come in for the evening until 8.  I went to bed myself at 10:30 after having typed up much of the month of September of 1988.

Dan Fahndrich posted some pictures he had of me and the late Scott Anderson that was taken in 1988 up at Camp Rogers where I held Beyond Stonewall. I was so broke at the time that I have so few pictures of myself because of the cost of developing them. When I first met Scott in January that year, I had the biggest crush on him but we only became friends as he became Dan Fahndrich’s boyfriend and partner. Funny that he posted this as I had just finished typing up the month of July 1988 from my journal. I was 37 when this picture was taken. I was at the height of my community activism” Unconditional Support, Concerning Gays and Lesbians, Community Council, AIDS Quilt, Beyond Stonewall, columnist for the Triangle, organizer of community dances, and Pride Day.

Shortly after this picture was taken I was hired to teach elementary school and had to live a double life which was stressful. You could not be Gay and a public school teacher but I juggled both. In the community I was Ben Williams but in the school district I was Edd Williams. Compartmentalizing is how we survived in a heterosexual world back then.

Dan posted another picture of me at Pride Day 1988  sitting with my Japanese Parasol and Unconditional Support poster.

Rich Butler commented “You did good. Sad you had to live a double life.” I replied back, “It was the times and a survival mechanism. It was more sad that I couldn’t share the real me but to a few people.” Rich then said “I knew when I met you through Mike that you were a special person to get to know. Few people can change others. You have that gift. I guess that's why you were a teacher.”

 Don Penrose wrote, “I remember this. What a great picture, Ben.” I responded  “thanks to Dan Fahndrich. I never knew it existed to prove we were once.”

 Randy Hoffman commented, “I love seeing all the organizing you did. It's something I long for among my generation. I'm not sure what it would look like for us.”

Dan Fahndrich after reading about my crush on Scott said, “Ahhhhh, Ben. Now I know why I have pics of you &Scott together! Hmmmm Lol. Richard is correct, you are a special person and have done many things for the benefit of others. Thanks for being my friend.” I wrote back, “I have my little crush on Scott written in my January 1988 journal but I couldn’t compete with you ha! But I have him telling me about coming out to his folks and how poorly they treated him” so he’s remembered for sure” even if so long ago.”

Dan then commented, “There is another story here. Yes, his parents were really pissy over the gay thing but after about 3 years, in our 10 year relationship, and after buying "the house that Dan & Scott built", we had a pow wow with his parents and the next Christmas there was a large present from "Mom & Dad", addressed to Scott & Dan. When we opened it up, in front of the whole fam-damily, it was flannel sheets for our king size bed. A true Olive branch for a previous blow up.”

Tracy L Johnson-Faulkner was nice enough to say, “Ben you are a treasure!”

9 June 2020 Tuesday

Today would have been my sister Charline's 73rd birthday. Jimmy Adams came over this morning to look at how to reconfigure the sewer and drain pipes. I was surprised that Roy Darmiento wasn’t here but Jim said that Kyle said he wasn’t needed for the rest of the week and that Kyle had hired some gal who is into construction who will start tomorrow. I was really surprised that Roy wasn’t hired to work anymore because of the paving stones, and boards and other items that were left in the front yard that I thought he was going to help me move. I was kind of upset that I wasn’t told. Also, I was also wondering if he wasn’t working here because of Danny Montoya. Kyle had said that Danny had been jealous of him and he did make Kyle let go a worker who worked for him on the deck project because Danny thought he was too good looking. If that is the case it does make me mad because I was the one working with Roy not him.

            So anyway, I went into the front yard and started moving items off the grass where they had been thrown so the grass wouldn’t die and started shoveling the mound of dirt left over in the garden much of which had spilled over on to a section of the grass.

            When Kyle and Danny showed up at one point to talk with Jim about his process, Kyle asked what I was doing and I said well since Roy isn’t here anymore I have to get all this off the grass, anything I can carry myself. I said it so that Danny could hear that I had depended on Roy to help out but oh well.  I guess I am perturbed that whenever Danny is here, nothing else matters. Kyle doesn’t even say hi to me much of the time so I really never know what is going on with the house.

            Well Jimmy Adams got the important plumbing done so the toilet can flush and I use the sinks upstairs but after he left, I noticed that the plug to freezer and frig was unplugged and everything in the Freezer was defrosting. I took out most of the meat and took it upstairs to the kitchen refrigerator.

            I was tired today I guess from being out working in the yard and went to bed at 9. I am getting used again to never seeing anyone, even Kyle but I guess that is the way it’s going to be. 

            There are more pressing issues in this old world I suppose than me feeling slighted and alone.

10 June 2020 Wednesday

Mike Romero usually drops Coco off at 6:45 in the morning and I was busy typing up my 1988 Journal so I didn’t think anything of not hearing Coco and Buster get into it which is their morning routine. Then I was taking a picture of TJ who was so cute snuggled in under the pillows sleeping when I heard her barking. The barks sounded like she was out front which was odd and sure enough there she was! I was shocked to see her out on the sidewalk barking to come in. Thank goodness she at least didn’t wander off like Buddy did that time. It was a mystery what she was doing out there because all the gates and doors were shut so I can’t imagine how she got outside.  Kyle Foote figured out that when Mike put her into the door leading into the house, she must have high tailed it out under the base where the furnace is and out the garage door before it closed and Mike drove off not noticing that she had followed him. All well that ends well.

I think the pups are pooped from all the coming and going with the construction in the house. Yesterday the sewer and water lines were moved over to make room for the new bathroom downstairs. Tomorrow a door will be cut out of my basement wall leading out to the front yard. There’s been lots of jack hammering, and cement cutting and I know it must be disconcerting to the critters. However, Buster sleeps through it all in the closet.

Kyle’s Build Team is redesigning my upstairs bathroom today for a washer and dryer. The old coat closet is going to a small linen closet I think. Kyle hired a new worker a gal named Brandy Christensen to help out Jimmy Adams. I guess she has a lot of experience in laying cement. Because they were in the bathroom for most of the day I am getting used to peeing in the backyard like I was out on the farm in Texas.

I had made an appointment about 6 weeks ago to get a haircut at Family Cuts my usual place. When I went down there at 9 they were all closed up. No explanation. I imagine with the Covid19 they either weren’t getting enough business to stay open or perhaps their hair cutters got sick.  I thought perhaps I needed to buy myself some clippers and do it myself. However, Kyle took pity on me and made an appointment at the Throwback Barber Company on 900 South and Main just up from the Pride center. I was really surprised that he did that for me. I’m thanking he might have been feeling guilty for letting Roy Darmiento go when he knew I liked him and was depending on him to help in the yard.

My appointment was at noon and the place was calming and soothing and the kid named Wyatt did an excellent job on my beard and hair for what's left of it. I was surprised that were cutting beards when the old place said they weren’t allowed. Wyatt even did a razor cut with lather and used a hot towel. I felt very pampered. I was in the barber chair for an hour being fussed over. Kyle had told Wyatt to take good care of me and don’t fuck it up. LOL I did not feel rushed at all and I also smell nice when I left. Now I look good enough for an open casket viewing.

I am not sure of the pricing because Kyle treated me but I left Wyatt a $20 tip because he was very attentive and I am sure he could use the money during these times.

After leaving the Barber Shop, I went and had the car go through the Mister Wash car wash over on 3^rd West because it was kind of dirty from the rain we had last weekend. I also stopped at Arby’s and bought a Chicken Pecan Sandwich, Onion Rings and a large Dr. Pepper for my late lunch.

After that I was home for most of the day until Kyle in the afternoon asked if I would pick Danny Montoya and him up down at the Queen of Wraps where they were taking the Sonoma and Kyle’s other work truck to have the Build Team logos on them. I guess Kyle plans on using the Sonoma for his work and will get the air conditioning fixed in it.

The Furnace and Water Tank guy came out to finish installing the new water softener but I think they forgot to put in a new thermostat. Oh well.

I was surprised that Danny and Kyle were home this evening and Kyle even came out and watched some Curiosity Stream with me. Not sure what Danny was doing as he stayed in the bedroom.

I went to bed early about 9 kind of tired because I had been up so early. I did talk to Roy Zang some today and bitch the Sue Robbins broadcast with Michael Aaron, Becky Moss, and Rocky. I was so embarrassed “they knew so little of the history or continuity of how we got from A to B with Pride and didn’t mention at all the Gay Community Councils sponsorship of it for 12 years. Sue Robbins asked me to on the program but knowing those three would dominate I begged off saying I don’t Zoom” I am glad I declined. May be it got better after I quit listening but I couldn’t stand the babbling.

Roy Zang said that there is more turmoil down at the Pride Center with more cuts to personnel. A lot of people are criticizing Rob Moolman but I sent him an email of encouragement.

I heard in the news that an 11 story building is planned for the old Sears location on State and 800 South. Out with the old and in with the new I suppose.

11 June 2020 Thursday

Kyle Foote’s Build Team has roughed in the sheet rock and plumbing for an upstairs washer and dryer in the bathroom so in my old age won’t have to be running up and downstairs.

Then downstairs my front basement window is gone and some guys are using saws to cut through the concrete foundation for an outside door today. It’s not as noisy as I thought it would be.

My downstairs bedroom for nearly 13 years is now completely gutted and where the window was is temporarily boarded up. There’s light coming in from the door cuts that will be knocked out soon “so it's coming along.

It certainly did not feel as hot as they said it was supposed to get today but I guess it did get up to 90. I never left the house today but just watched Curiosity Stream mostly on ancient temples around the year that were built for the Equinoxes.

I only saw Kyle once today when he came over around noon with Danny Montoya and his sister Alicia who I guess is up from Las Vegas for a visit.

Utah’s Corvid19 cases have been spiking for the past couple of weeks and Governor Hebert says he is so disappointed that people aren’t wearing their face masks like it’s been “counseled”. The fucker should make it mandatory when you go out into a public space unless you have a medical reason you can’t. I guess old John Huntsman has tested positive for the Corona Virus.

It’s crazy how some Utahns feel it’s their Constitutional Right to spread disease wherever they go.

Trump said that if the Mayor of Seattle doesn’t get her city under control he will send in troops and she said for him to go back to his bunker. LOL

12 June 2020 Friday

I was out watering the flower and vegetables Gardens this morning because it was supposed to get up to about 95 degrees today. I also mowed the front and back yards before it gets to blazing hot today. Danny Montoya and Kyle Foote came into the backyard as I was watering to say Danny was leaving to go back to work. I gave him a deep hug, more for Kyle’s sake than Danny’s. So, if I catch the Corona Virus it will be from them two more than anything I do.

            Danny is an odd one, kind of socially inept. He’s been at my house off and on since December and still barely interacts with me and never when Kyle isn’t around. I don’t feel like I am that unapproachable.

Anyway, well, Roy Darmiento, Jimmy Adams guys and I must have done something right digging the hole in front of the old window because when the slab was pushed out by the Build Team crew it perfectly fell level and in place without having to break it up. It’s almost like we planned it. So, Kyle's vision on a front entrance is become a reality and the entrance will be hidden by hollyhocks and shrubs from the street.

Jimmy and his helper Brandy Christensen, I think that is her last name, spent most of the morning cleaning out my side of the garage and taking things off to the dump. Brandy said she could use some of the stuff I was getting rid of so I let her have the sofa lounge that had been in the movie room as well as the IKEA couch I bought last fall. She also took a lot of odds and ends too. I would rather her use them and being repurposed rather than ending up in the dump.

When they returned they finished working on the upstairs washer and dryer area in the bathroom and some downstairs. I swept up the basement of debris and also my side of the garage so I could park back inside. Mainly I wanted to park inside so I could give the pups a ride.

Someone from Sparrow came out to look at the Solar Panels. Evidently they were tripping the system because they were tied in right. I guess Kyle noticed it when using all the power tools they kept tripping the power boxes.

It’s been warm in the house all day in the 80’s because of the garage being open all day and some of the doors. When I went to bed it was 87 in the house even though the thermostat is set at 74 so I had a box fan blowing on me.

Utah Corona Virus infections are spiking because idiots think it’s their constitutional right to do anything and go anywhere . I see hardly anyone wearing a mask” so I just stay home and wear one when I go to the store. About 7 more old people died yesterday in nursing homes.

The Mormon Church is letting Missionaries wear blue shirts LOL. So progressive.  

13 June 2020 Saturday

I tried going to bed at 9:30 last night but woke up at midnight. Kyle Foote never came home so it’s doubtful I will see him this weekend. My stomach was really hurting, and gassy and I just could not go back to sleep. It was  still warm in the house and had only cooled down to about 80, so I just got up and typed from my October month of 1988. 

I am feeling a little under the weather. I couldn’t get to sleep until 3:30 this morning so taking it slow today and napping a lot.

I water my gardens this morning and shared a video of my front yard on Face Book. My spring time garden is but all gone and now transitioning into my summer garden with the warmer and dryer weather.

My yucca plant is in full bloom with its orchid like white flowers, as are my day tiger lily's and yellow yarrow. All my irises, poppies, and peonies are gone but my hollyhocks are starting to blossom as well as my roses and other perennials.

The cactus I brought back from my Grandpas farm, so I have a little bit of Texas still with me. The concrete stone head, Robert Smith made for me when we all lived on Del Mar Court 30 years ago. It broke over the years but I still like it because it reminds me of Bobbie.

My Empress of India clematis is in it all its purple regalia” I've had that plant for 24 years and it blooms every spring and lasts until about July.

I did watch Twister on Netflix this afternoon. I forgot how intense it was. I didn’t see anyone today and only heard from Roy Zang who told me about the Zoom meeting that the Queer Historical Society held yesterday that I couldn’t get away to attend.  He said that 200 little booklets are being printed about the first pride march in 1990 that he had put together and is being printed by Deb Hall.

I made Kyle Foote the designated person responsible for my Face Book page after I am gone. He said, “I'm honored and I will gladly preserve and protect your legacy after you've passed on to the great faerie cloud in the sky.”

I finally was able to give the pups a ride in the FIT now that I can park it back in the garage. We went down to Taco Bell where I bought two tostados and a large Dr. Pepper. I watched some episodes of Dark Shadows from 1966 that are being shown on Amazon Prime. So cheesy but they are kind of Nostalgic. I also watched a documentary on two of Charles Manson’s girls Squeaky Fromme and Dianne Lake and what became of their lives. I graduated from high school on Friday the 13th some 51 years ago now” it's been an interesting journey

On my Democrat primary ballot, we only had the choices for the SLC school board” I voted for the young cute Latino named Joel Lehi Organista” I guess that is as good a reason as any. There are just old Mormon white guys in the Republican primary for governor, but whoever wins in June will be the next governor no matter what Democrat runs in November.  2/3 of Utahns still think the Bunker Boy is still a great president but then they are the same who think Covid19 is a hoax”

14 June 2020 Sunday

It was another lonely day with Kyle Foote not here and with no workers. I decided to give the pups a ride because I know they needed to get out so out of curiosity I drove up to Bountiful to the Build Team office on 5^th West but I did not see Kyle’s Rogue there. He could have just been out.  I wasn’t trying to be a stalker but just curious where he is spending his weekends now, because he doesn’t share where he goes with me anymore and while it may not be any of my business, technical his probation officers consider Kyle as living here. Oh well. I am learning to set more and more boundaries.

            I was tired much of the day from having gotten up in too early in the wee hours of the morning to type until around 6 before going back to bed but then I was up again at 8. This belly ache I have from feeling gassy is not as intense as the other day but just extremely uncomfortable. I don’t know why I should feel bloated.

            Jim Dabakis dropped Taco Belle off this late afternoon. We visited a bit about the community and what is going on in our lives. I guess the workers at his place are redoing his backyard and some other home improvements too.

He also asked how does he address his involvement with starting the Pride Center, because he said he was in kind of a quandary. I told him that he should say that he was instrumental in the transition of the Utah Stonewall Center from being mostly a financially failing all volunteer organization to a more financial secure institution by bringing moneyed people and community people together.

He is also scared that Greg Hughes might win the Republican Primary which would clinch the governorship for that Trump loving asshole. He’d like to see Jon Huntsman be governor over Spencer Cox who Jim thinks would just be a clone of Gary Herbert. He had registered as a Republican and has had thousands of others do the same.         Anyway, that was a nice visit.

While outside, I see that my neighbor Carlos had put up a new gate that he built on the side of the house. It looked really nice and so as he was outside we got to visiting too. He knows enough English now for us to communicate and that was good as my Spanish is basically nonexistent except for a few phrases and words. I had him come into the basement to show him all that is being done there and we talked about improvements we are making to our properties. I guess the same folks who are going to do our trees and cement work is going to take down the globe willow that Randy planted and put in an additional driveway. So that was good to really visit with my neighbor after all this time beyond just waving and smiling at each other.

            Today is Flag Day and Conservative People are upset about sporting events and the military banning the display of the Confederate battle flag. Also, people are demanding that statues honoring Confederates be removed as well as Christopher Columbus. There’s a new type of Revolution among this younger generation against the excesses of the Trump regime and economic inequality that this Corona Virus has really brought to a head. Thirty million people out of work with no real savings while 1 percent of the population controls more than half the wealth.  That is obscene.

Flawed men in the 18th Century envisioned a nation where all people are created equal endowed by their creator with inalienable rights of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. Only flawed human beings today resists these American ideas and try to prevent the implementation of them”

By the way, Thomas Jefferson while paraphrasing 17th Century John Lock, he changed Lock's phrase from Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Property to the Pursuit of Happiness.

America was founded on the ideas of the English Age of Reason and the French Enlightenment not the Bible or the Law of Moses as toxic politicians and toxic Christians would have the ignorant believe.

15 June 2020 Monday

Kyle Foote came home this morning along with his workers, Jimmy Adams and Brandy Christensen. Brandy worked on framing the sidewalk that will come out of the basement apartment and Jimmy worked for most of the day framing the wall that will go up between the garage and the rest of the basement.

            Kyle asked me to go with him to Lowe’s in Bountiful where I put him on the credit card. Before that we went to America First Credit Union where I deposited a check for almost $2000 into Kyle’s Build Team account to pay for items we were buying today. At the Bountiful Lowes we bought some panel doors for the utility furnace, a bedroom door, and two windows, one for the bathroom and one for the front of the basement. The door Kyle wanted was not in stock in Bountiful so we went to the Salt Lake Store. That door will go in the front of the basement leading to the outside and will have a window and built in blinds.

            While there Kyle said we ought to order the two sets of washers and dryers. Remember the good old days when you could just go down and pick out your appliances and have them delivered in a day or two? The salesman there said because of the Corona Virus it will be 30 days to get the Samsung washer and dryer I wanted so had to do a more LG expensive one to get it stock in 7 to 10 days but we were told that with 4th of July sales coming up, we might be able to be refunded the difference in the sale price. The two sets of machines cost $2800 so I put $3000 into Kyle’s account.

            From there we went and picked up the Sonoma from the Queen of Wraps place. The Sonoma looked like a new truck almost. I drove the truck home and Kyle high tailed it back to the house because his tree and cement guy was there to discuss what was the plans for the back yard.

            When I came home, I just rested as that I had been up since 5 this morning. My stomach was still kind of gassy and I was belching a lot but the belly pains were not as intense as the day before.

            After everyone left for the day, Jim Dabakis came over to retrieve Taco Belle and we talked a little about the Supreme Court’s 6-3 decision that said Gays and Trans were protected under the Civil Rights Act of 1964. He said that it was probably the most significant decision for Gay Rights since marriage equality and I said that it was a more important decision because not everyone will get married but everyone has to work.

            I tried to do a load of wash since I will be losing the plumbing for the machine tomorrow but when I heard running water I went down stairs and saw that the hose that was supposed to be in the gravel wasn’t and water was running all over the basement. So that was a mess for me to clean up. I didn’t dare run the dryer as for some reason water had gotten into it and I had to clean it out. So, I hung the clothes on the deck’s balcony to dry.

            Kyle came home about 8:00 this evening and we talked a little about plans for the house and I went to bed by 9. I was tuckered out.   

16 June 2020 Tuesday

I drove the Sonoma over to Kyle Foote’s office in Bountiful and then came home with him. He hired a new guy today named Dave Darden to work with Jimmy Adams and Brandy Christensen.

Build Team sheet-rocked the garage from the basement today so it feels more like an enclosed space. Tomorrow the cement gets poured back in and they will start the framing for sheet rock to be hung in there.

            About 11 this morning the Polynesian crew showed up. I thought they were here just to take down my backyard south fence so later this week they could bring in equipment to take out 4 trees that are 40 feet high. My back fence actually 2 fences, a chain link and a wood plank one over it and covering it all is 50 feet of Virginia Creepers and a trumpeter vine that's all has to come out too. It lasted 24 years but now it's all going away. The dogs are all secured and safe which is my main concern.

            However, I was surprised when they started cutting down the poplars today. The first to go was the Silver leaf Poplar and then the two regular poplars along the west fence. I had no idea the trees were coming down today” I just thought the fence was being removed “ what do I know? These trees lived a long life but poplars have a short life span compared to other trees.

 Around 5 I noticed that the entire fence was gone. I am feeling rather exposed right now after years of having a vine covered fence to hide my secret garden. The back yard looks.

Kyle brought some dinner home for the two of us but I really haven’t felt like eating much. I am not sure what is wrong with my belly.  

I was 13 years old when President Johnson courageously signed the 1964 Civil Rights Act “it took only 56 years for it to cover me thanks to bigots and to Nixon, Ford, Reagan, and the Bushes” never vote Republican if you care about equal justice

Sen. Mike Lee said he agrees with Alito, Thomas, and Kavanaugh about the Civil Rights Bill not protecting Gay people. He must never be allowed to sit on the Supreme Court. BYU is more concerned about being sued than about the moral implications of firing someone for their intrinsic characteristics like sexual orientation or gender identity.

Religion is the last vestige where bigots can espouse "hate speech" and get by with it. The Religious Liberty movement is just a license to discriminate and hate your brother. I thought Religion was supposed to teach one to love your neighbor as yourself.

17 June 2020 Wednesday

I was up at 5 this morning. I have not been feeling well for the past couple of days. My innards are out of whack, I suppose, which is giving me the belly aches. It rained heavily last night and the ground was soaked but it was clearing up by the time Mike Romero came over to drop Coco off and move the trailer. I don’t know why we bothered because the poplar on the northwest part of the yard wasn’t touched today.

            I stayed in sweat pants and a Hoodie all day because it was pretty cool out and I wasn’t feeling well. Brandy Christensen poured the new sidewalk entrance to the basement and Jimmy Adams and Dave Darden did a lot of framing in the basement. The Polynesians mainly worked on clearing the tree debris and leveling where the parking pad will go on the south side of the yard.

            I didn’t eat much today. That may be part of the problem.

18 June 2020 Thursday

I have a lot of journals written in manuscript that I have been transcribing into text so I can save them on line” I've been working on my 1988 journal and I only have from December 15 to the 31st to go and then I will be done” 32 years ago seems like a blink of an eye but ancient history to most”

The funniest thing is I was moaning and heart sick over a guy named Alan Scott who I can't even conjure up an image of him now for the life of me ”lol so much for true love”

So much of Salt Lake City’s gay history can only be found in our journals as there were next to nothing in the media back then except for reports on the AIDS epidemic. Reading about so many friends long gone is sad but thankful I have them safe in my journals when I was a Gay activist and community builder in another life “ so the beat goes on.

The Build Team crew showed up to start framing but the tree cutters weren’t here at all. I have one last tree to come down.  Jimmy Adams and Dave Darden are framing downstairs and Brandy Christensen worked on putting castle blocks to retain the sides of the new sidewalk that was poured yesterday. 

For the first time ever, I crapped my pants. How embarrassing. My stomach has  been so upset for several days that I hadn’t really been going to the bathroom regularly so I took some ex-lax before going to bed.  Nothing in the morning so I went about my business cleaning up the backyard when Rich Butler dropped by with some treats for the pups but mostly just to visit.

            Coco had been scared from all the nailing and framing noises from down stairs and when she saw Rich and I in the back yard she busted through the plastic fencing and came into the yard. So, I picked her up and we went into the house after I had Jimmy repair the restraining barrier.

            Rich stayed about an hour catching up on what his family has been up to and I listened even though I was mostly being polite because my stomach started acting up.  When he finally left I was going to go to the bathroom when Jimmy came up to use it and I knew I was in trouble. So, I went outside to wait for him to get done but my bowels wouldn’t wait and before I knew it I had diarrhea. I guess nature was letting me know I am only human and can only control so much.

            Well, when the bathroom was free, I cleaned myself up and took a shower still feeling rather embarrassed by it all but then I thought of how I had to help Grandpa Johnson clean himself when he had an accident back when we took that trip to Oregon for a Johnson Family Reunion.

Later in the afternoon I went back to working in the yard raking up yard debris when Mr. Hall who lives behind me, came over to visit about all that I am having done. Then he surprised me by saying that they are moving in a few months to Magna where they are having a house built. I guess the old lady is having a hard time with stairs and their house is configured that the bedrooms and bathroom are upstairs.

We have been neighbors for 23 years since our houses were built. At first they were kind of homophobic in that they were nervous about living next to homos but over the years mellowed out.

I was here a year before their house was built. I will be the last original owner in this Reliance subdivision. Two houses on Dale Ridge were Occupied before me.  I was the 3rd person to move into this area in 1996 and now I will be the last “I always said I will only leave this house feet first.. There’s too many memories to ever leave maybe even as a ghost.

Also, when I was outside again in the yard Coco broke through the barrier and I had to put her back in the house with doggy door shut.

When the work crew left I took my soiled pants down to the washer but no one told me not to use the washer so there’s water down in the basement from the machine draining on the floor. Kyle Foote had done a load of wash yesterday so I thought it was all set. I have no idea what to do with the water since the door opening is boarded up so can’t sweep it out. Oh well it was a shitty day literally.

In the News the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 to support Obama’s DACA order to allow undocumented children brought to this country, the only home they ever knew, to stay. I hope Stephen Miller's heading is exploding over the Supreme Courts DACA. decision” can’t wait for this evil racist man to stop having influence over our immigration policies “

Vera Lynn an icon singer from WWII has died at the age of 103 in England” RIP peace.

19 June 2020 Friday

It was a mild day with temperatures only in the mid 70’s. Jimmy Adams framed in the downstairs bathroom window and when Dave Darden came later in the afternoon they framed in the downstairs door and entrance is done. Brandy Christensen did a really good job with the castle blocks creating a border to the new sidewalk. The door is going to be painted turquoise with a white trim so I told Kyle Foote he might as well do the front door and garage trim the same color to make it more uniformed.

I dug up the sweet peas that were on the north side of the driveway that bordered the neighbors because I knew they would probably get destroyed when the tree cutters come tomorrow to cut down the last tree.

They just need to put a front window in and an outside light, move the water spigot to the other end of the house as well as put in an additional plug outlet. The inside electrical work is being done maybe tomorrow before the sheet rocking and mudding is done next week.

            TJ escaped through the orange plastic barriers twice when I was out in the side yard. He's determined to be with me. Then I was surprised when Jim Dabakis brought Taco back over. I was a little concerned because of the fence being down and TJ having gotten through and I was right to be concerned because the two little shits found a way to jump through the steps to get to Kyle and me when we were in the backyard. So, Kyle had his workman nailed up some boards to cover the slats.

Kyle asked me to just put money into his Chase Bank Account that he runs his Build Team funds through and I said I would. When I went to look for the Chihuahuas  later, to feed them, they were down in back side yard because they had found a way down but couldn’t get back up”ugh! So, I completely blocked off the steps so they are grounded even with the doggy door shut. They are too smart for their own good “

Since my entire south fence is gone and the tree people are cutting down the last tree on the north side tomorrow, the crew will have to have the north side gate open. So, the bad pups aren't allowed out at all. Well Taco’s favorite spot any way is the bay window.

Bill Poore started ragging on me about Kyle while messaging me on Face book obsessed with the idea that Kyle is just using me. I told him to let it go because his constant harping on it makes it seem like Bill is saying I am stupid for having gone seen Kyle for 7 years while he was in prison and now taking him in.  Maybe I am and maybe I’m not. I love that boy and after I am gone I want him and Michael Romero to have whatever I leave behind.

Today Juneteenth Celebrations were held all over the United States I think in part because of the Black Lives Matter movement and the raising of consciousness of the systemic racism in America.  If you think today is not an important day you must not have black American ancestry “The South has a lot to be proud of but slavery and racism is not among them.

Today was the highest amount of Covid19 infection in Utah and now the death toll is over 145. The rate of infection is just increasing at the same time Gov. Herbert has been pressured by rural lawmaker to declare several Southern Utah counties to be in the Green Zone. Unfortunately, these radical conservatives will spread it to others who will die or have serious health issues. Nothing is an issue to sociopathic conservatives unless it affects them personally.

20 June 2020 Saturday

I finished typing up my 1988 Journal and put in on a blog but can’t get it to be search in Google’s search engine so I guess I need to figure that out.

            Kyle Foote was kind of snippy with me this morning but I guess he was having a bad day between poor customer service at the Bountiful Lowes and Danny Montoya monitoring his every move on his phone.

            We went to my Credit Union and I had a cashier check for $15,000 made out to Build Team that Kyle deposited in his Chase Bank Account. He said that should be enough to finish the entire basement and I’ll still have $20,000 for remodeling the upstairs kitchen and bathroom.

            Dave Darden and Jimmy Adams of the Build Team crew were over framing this morning and Kyle wanted to do some electrical work but doubt if he got much done. He wanted me to go with his to look at shower faucets at the Salt Lake City’s Lowes but he was frustrated there too so I just left him alone for most of the day.

            Michael Romero came and retrieved the camper. I guess he is taking off several days for his birthday which is tomorrow and heading to Kamas.

            I was kind of frustrated with Jim Dabakis as he had come by and taken Taco without telling me and I was so worried that he might have gotten loose and was looking all over for him. I told Jim he had to tell me when he picks up Taco because I get frantic when I can’t find him especially with the entire fence being down.

            Kyle said that the south side of the yard is going to be finished before the north side so I guess the big poplar trees won’t come down anytime soon, so Michael can go back to parking his trailer on the side driveway.

The bathroom, where the washer and dryer will go, has been framed in so I’m starting to see the actual spaces where things will eventually go up and downstairs. Build Team did a lot today and installed a front window before leaving for the day.

Where once was just kind of an herbal garden, now it is the entrance to the basement apartment.  Build Team just repurposed all these castle blocks I had, to retain the wall. Brandy Christensen did an excellent job.

Kyle went to pick up Danny Montoya this evening from the airport but I just went to bed. With Danny here nothing will get done on Kyle’s part.

I am starting to believe that there's not much difference between a sociopath and a conservative. Neither one cares about the welfare of others. Over 600 new cases of the Corvid19 Virus were confirmed today here in Utah.

21 June 2020 Sunday

Happy Summer Solstice “enjoy the longest day of the year for sunlight” Merry Mid-Summer. On this Father's Day it’s a sad reminder that my father, my grandfathers, all my uncles, and all my male cousins are gone. I am all that is left but Happy Father's Day to all who have gone before me. Thinking of Dad on this Father's Day.

            Today is also Michael Romero’s 64^th birthday and he’s out camping somewhere in Kamas or the Soapstone Basin.

After doing all my watering this morning, transplanting some plants, and moving some castle bricks around time, for a noon repast I had of pimento cheese spread and spinach dip with some baguettes on this first day of Summer 2020. If I have to isolate might as well in style.

It was 90 degrees today but the house didn’t really warm up until the late afternoon.

Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya were gone all day. In the afternoon I had a surprise visit from Darrin Solomon. He’s such a lonely soul. He doesn’t have a computer and since all social groups have shut down he has no way to meet people. His former lover Merrill had moved out of their West Valley home a while ago so Darrin is living alone. He doesn’t even have a dog anymore. 

I know he wanted to hug me but I kept my distance. Not that I think he might have Covid19, but just didn’t want to encourage him. I’ve let him know many times that I am not interested in having a relationship with any one and especially now after Brad Hart left me.

Jim McMullen called in the afternoon to see how I am and what I have been up to. I know they are getting really bored self-isolating because they used to go to Abravanel Hall and the Eccles Theater pretty regularly as well as to the Gay Men’s Movie Nights and SAGE Events. I hadn’t been as involved so staying home has not been a real strain on me except once in a while I get melancholy not being more involved in Kyle’s life.

I also called my sister Donna Jones to check in with her. She said she has finally adapted to being in her new Apartment and living in Arizona. Not a whole lot more news from her.

            In the evening, I wanted a Dr. Pepper soda drink so after giving the pups a ride I drove down to the McDonalds on 7^th South and Redwood. I thought I might as well get something to eat also so I ordered a fish sandwich. However, when I went to the drive up window they only gave me a fish sandwich and a large order of fries! I said I had ordered a Dr. Pepper. I was told I would have to go all the way through the drive up again! I was pissed at their incompetence because all I really wanted was a drink which I never got. So frustrating.     At the house I ate the tasteless fish sandwich that had no cheese or lettuce on it and threw away the fries.

            Danny and Kyle came in around 8 and I was in no mood to deal with them so I just watched The Politician and later some documentaries on Curiosity Stream. Kyle tried to make some conversation with me. I guess he had to run around with Danny while he went shopping at Best Buy and other places all day. He said that Danny was looking at headboards which kind of annoyed me. There is nothing wrong with the poster bed they had been using and if he’s already picking our furniture for downstairs he can start paying me rent for all the time he’s here. He didn’t say anything to me except a brief greeting.

            I was tired so I went to bed around 9. In the news Trump’s Tulsa Rally was a bust and young people are talking credit for ordering tickets which inflated the numbers but never had any intention of attending. Good for them.

22 June 2020 Monday

Mom once told me that one of the hardest things about growing old is how people stop valuing your views after a life time of being the adult in charge and now being ignored “I am starting to understand what she meant after being cut off from people and decision making.

            I was up early again as my stomach was acting up. Kyle Foote and Danny Montoya took off without saying goodbye this morning and I went out and watered my flower and vegetable gardens. I had another ripen tomato and a yellow squash. I picked one last Friday and gave it to Michael Romero.

            Only Jimmy Adams was here today and if I hadn’t gone down to ask what Kyle Foote had him doing today I wouldn’t have even known that. When Danny Montoya is here I might as well be invisible. Last night they went out for Pizza and brought two home and didn’t eat a bit of either one of them. So wasteful. They are just sitting in my refrigerator growing stale and hard.

            Kyle said he wanted to work on the electrical wiring this past weekend. He never did and then the Electrician showed up and I had no idea what he was supposed to have done. Jimmy didn’t either so the guy left. I wonder how much that cost me for him to show up.

            Then later while I was taking a nap, Jimmy comes and gets me because some guy was here about the installation of the fence. I had no idea either that he was coming and the tree and cement people were here preparing to level for a pour. Again, I had no idea what was going on and when I heard mention of a vinyl fence I was really put out. I never agreed to have a vinyl fence. I only want wood like my old one. A vinyl fence is nothing more than a graffiti bulletin board. So, at that point I did text Kyle and he said that he was pricing both.

            I am really feeling neglected today and out of the loop. I did finally go and bail out the remaining water in the hot tub this evening.

            I spent the evening alone again tonight without human companionship.

23 June 2020 Tuesday

It was another day alone. Jimmy Adams was the only one working at the house down in the basement. I am not sure at what because I didn’t bother him. Michael Romero came home this afternoon and looked more beat than when he left on his holiday. He said he might have had altitude sickness because he couldn’t even get up yesterday.  I told him how frustrated I am over Kyle Foote not communicating with me.  We both agreed that we wanted a wood fence over a vinyl one and I texted that to him.

            Only time I saw him was in the late afternoon when he stopped by with Danny Montoya. I then asked him what was going on with the house. He said the pad should be poured tomorrow and the fence put up by Friday. He said something about the electrician coming back out but I didn’t care. I am really losing interest in this remodeling.

            Later in the evening Kyle called and wanted Jim Dabakis’ phone number because he was looking for housing for Danny’s sister whose family is coming back to Salt Lake with Danny’s sick niece who I guess is failing from her cancer.  The only time Kyle really even talks to me anymore is when he needs something.

            I saw more of Kyle and interacted with him more when he was in prison. Oh well. I am glad for my health and my pups and I have a roof over my head and money in the bank. I suppose nothing else matters.

            Kyle Daniels must have been horny today. He sent me a dick picture and texted about when we used to be bed partners. One of his texts was “Well I just shot my load on a hot pride summer afternoon thinking of it sliding in and out of you.” Well, well.

24 June 2020 Wednesday

It was really quite warm today 91 degrees and in the late afternoon the house heated up to 87 but it’s expected to get a bit cooler tomorrow.

The RV Pad for Michael Romero’s camper trailers was poured this morning and I guess the new fence will go up on Friday. A new fence will be done by Friday so the pups can access the yard again.

All the plumbing downstairs is finally finished with new outdoor spigots put on the corner of the front and back of the house.

Kyle Foote was here for much of the day doing the electrical wiring for the Washer and Dryer that is coming tomorrow.

I moved two of the big potted plants that had been on the back deck to the front yard. The days of sitting on the back deck are about over.

In the evening watched some more episodes of The Politician. Bette Midler is delicious in it.

Robert Moolman finally responded to the attacks on his character by dissidents, mostly disgruntled employees, who are either Lesbian, bisexual or Trans who accused him of having personal reasons for their loss of employment rather than the downsizing of the Center due to the Corona Virus Pandemic. Over 175 comments were made in support of Rob however, including Roy Zang, Jesse Dolce, Michael Sanders, Lauren Littlefield, Jill Rowe, Michelle Turpin, Troy Williams, Monica Owens, Derek Kitchen, Weston Clark, Steve Urquhart, Bruce Bastian, Jim Dabakis, Kristen Ries, Richard Harmston, Craig Miller, and Kevin Scott.

Kristen Ries even wrote, “You are doing something right. I was accused of seeing HIV patients just to get rich.”

Connell O’Donovan really burned his bridges attacking the Center and even turning in his Life Time Achievement Award.

Robert Moolman wrote this: So, I woke up this morning to something so incredibly wonderful and kind. Seriously people on here, who have commented and reacted to this post, I did not expect or even think I deserve some of these wonderful posts.

I just had to get something out of me, and not hold onto it, perhaps share it with others who were going through or have gone through the same thing.

Those that know me, knew it would be only a matter of time before I had to say something. For those keen to use Google translate, you will enjoy - "Ek vat nie kak van kabouters af nie". I will as always stand accountable for the actions I have taken and have had to take, but oh my goodness, it was time to try to articulate what I was seeing and how it impacts a space.

Seeing these posts and this kindness, and the many other private messages that have come my way, has made me once again made me realize just how lucky I am to have met and connected with such a wonderful, crazy, smart, kind and generous group of people throughout my life. School friends, work colleagues, people who know me well, and those who I need to get to know so much better.

I have been tearing up all morning reading these messages, and for the first time in many, many, weeks they are tears of happiness and joy. Thank you all for this kindness. It is much appreciated.

The work will continue and we will march forward. I just wanted to thank you all, for giving me a little more courage to keep taking those steps, keep my chin up and know that I have people, friends, and family in my life that know me. Thank you all so very much.”

In other news Harry Britt, the San Francisco Supervisor who replaced Harvey Milk died. Also Gov. Herbert held a news conference over the spike in Covid19 cases in Utah. He still won’t mandate statewide the wearing of masks but did say anyone using the government facilities, the universities as well as liquor stores must wear a mask.

25 June 2020 Thursday

Today is my sister Donna Jones’ 71^st birthday. I called her in the afternoon and they seemed to be doing okay in Arizona and glad to be out of California” even though, Arizona is one of the states where the Corona Virus is spiking.

            I went with Kyle Foote in the afternoon to pick up the LG washer and dryer at Lowes. I only went because I wanted to buy some more vegetable plants for the garden. I bought another Zucchini plant, a cucumber plant, a Japanese eggplant, and some basil. I also bought a flat of succulents to go around the new walkway into the basement.

            It was a bit cooler today than yesterday so it was a good day to work in the vegetable garden rearranging the border and expanding it once the new fence goes in.

It’s mandatory now to wear a mask if you live in Salt Lake County or Summit County. The governor gave Salt Lake and Summit counties the right to require them. There were 590 new cases today.

I guess I need to carry one in my pocket as well as the one I keep in the car. I went to Lowes with Kyle in his vehicle and realized I didn’t have my mask.  I felt naked but did keep my social distance but having a mask with me is now the same as having a hankie.

While I was watering in the backyard the concrete and tree guy came by and said the man who cut down my trees two weeks ago can’t do my last one because he has the virus so it will have to wait maybe until next week.

Kyle is trying to figure out the wiring for the house and the power to the upstairs movie room and the garage is not working. He said he was really tired and will figure it out tomorrow.             

26 June 2020 Friday

Well with the help of Dave Darden and Jimmy Adams the washer and dryer made it up the steps into the bathroom. Kyle Foote tried to get me to help last night but it was just too much for me. So, one of these days I will no longer have to go downstairs to do the laundry.

Kyle while here said that the fence guy can’t find enough wood to rebuild my fence but is still looking so maybe tomorrow. 

I went to Lowe's and Sutherland yesterday and today and their seed sections were completely gone. That surprised me, so I bought a purple cone plant, some German thyme, and a watermelon start at Sutherlands. I bought  them to fill in the cinder blocks that I have turned into planters. While others build I grub. I've gotten yellow squash and a couple of tomatoes already. I gave to squash to Jimmy and the tomatoes to Mike Romero.

From Sutherland’s I went to Luckys to buy some more water and some dog treats then I walked over to Dollar Tree and bought a couple of reading glasses and some wildflower seeds. Most of their seed selection was gone also.

Well, I have a working washer and dryer in the upstairs bathroom. It took a while with the demolition of the linen closet, replumbing, and wiring. It's something I wanted for 20 years. The old washer and dryer were sold to a lady just around the corner on Miami Street so that is taken care of. This evening Kyle Foote put a load of clothes in so he was the first to use it. 

I decided to call the space downstairs, “The Casita”.  Jimmy Adams framed in a door to the basement so the “Casita” looks more enclosed and he put in a door that leads to the space beneath the stairs. 

I can’t work outside as much as I would like because if TJ sees me he finds a way to escape from the deck to be with me. It’s hard to do yard work holding a needy little Chihuahua. Later in the afternoon Jim Dabakis brought Taco Belle over for a play date and we had to put some bricks on the steps to keep the bad boys finding a way down to the yard.

Kyle Foote spent much of the evening trying to figure out what the circuit the garage and his bedroom was on so he could get power back to those places. He finally did and I was able to drive into the garage to give the pups a ride. They were so anxious

Kyle I could tell was exhausted from a busy week and he just ordered his supper from Panda Express. He bought me an egg roll but wasn’t all the hungry. Lulubelle helped me eat what I didn’t want.

I went to bed at 9:30 but woke up at midnight so rather than try to go back to sleep I worked on my 1986 Journal until 2:00 then went back to bed.

It was quite warm today near 90 degrees but it’s supposed to cool down later this weekend.

27 June 2020 Saturday

It was another hot day, 91 degrees which heated the house up to 88 in the late afternoon and evening even with air conditioning. I was out early this morning watering. Kyle Foote didn’t even leave his room until 10:30. I guess he’s catching up on his rest. They only time I even interacted with him was when I told him that Jim Dabakis had a project for him to do and when a guy came to the door to spray the house and yard for spider next week before the insulation goes in downstairs. Otherwise, he’s holed up in his room with ear buds hooked into Danny Montoya’s every move.

            I did several loads of wash today getting used to having a washing machine and dryer upstairs. Mopped the floor also but didn’t do much house cleaning except change the sheets on the bed.

            I finished watching The Politician and Bette Midler was the best part of the show although all the cast was good.

            In the news Covid19 is spiking in the west and south especially in states with Republican governors. There have been 125,000 deaths in America since the epidemic broke out this year.  It also sounds like Trumps’ good buddy Putin paid the Taliban in Afghanistan for a bounty on American soldiers killed.

            Roy Zang sent me his reply to Connell O’Donovan’s message to him about the mess going on down at the Center and the article that was in the SL Tribune today about it. Roy really let loose on Crybaby Connell. He even told me over the phone that Connell went to the center and left his Life Time Achievement Award on the doorstep. Roy and I agreed that it didn’t mean that much to him because actually never really earned it.  This is want was sent.

Connell: Hey, were you are the 1990 March? I can’t remember

Roy: Yes

Connell: Sweet I’ll include your name in my post. Happy Satyr-Day

Roy: You too Hope you are doing well

Connell: Yep thriving  during the Rona

Roy: It’s the best we can do

Connell: This is the mess that was going on at the Center and why I left the Historical Society. Horrible Mismanagement. [Sent a  link to article]

Roy: You don’t’ want my opinion on this subject

Connell: Ok But I hope you read the whole thing

Roy: I been personally attacked by both June and Hillary. I have zero respect for those two and wish them well in their future endeavors

Connell: Sorry to hear that

 Roy: And to be honest this is all bullshit! They got fired life goes on and so should they. I have very, very food friends on the board and also staff who was working there and I think they all sound like a bunch of crybaby disgruntled employees and they need to move on. I fully agree with Mona Stevens that this is slanderous and outrageous!

To be quite honest , I am working towards bringing  the community together not crying and yelling because I got fired. To be very quiet honest and frank even if they were fired because of personality issues, which is well within the legal right of a company or an organization to do so and you do not have to give any reason why someone is fired. Perhaps some of these people including Hilary, Liz, Brim etc. should  suck it up and move on with their lives because what they’re doing right now will be remembered for a very longtime to come.

I am curious, if all the attempts of the disgruntled ex-employees work and you successfully (I am include you because of your ill-gotten resignation from anything  of UPC) works and the Pride Center crumbles what’s next? What is the next goal? For Hilary to lay down in front of the fucking driveway so no one can drive into the parking lot? (Yes I clearly know about her laying down in front of Well Fargo’s float during the parade).

 I can’t tell you how disappointed I am in you and all the ex-disgruntled employees. There’s a time to be a leader and you should’ve been a leader and stand up and said, “no we need to come together as a community during Covid 19”. You chose to resign and give your Life Time Achievement award back . It’s deplorable [at] best.

I have no idea why you can’t handle your people’s opinions. To be honest you are the reason I resigned in February.  Through all of Pride last year you didn’t shove [sure?] wants to put any effort in to help what we were doing. You had me take care of the parade which you were supposed to do with the marchers. You did not volunteer any time at the booth at all. It was really disgusting and then when you came down to John [join?] Ben. It’s death You came in and swooped in as if you had something to say and something to do about it.

I’m even shocked that you of all people who decide because you don’t like my opinion but you’re going to silence me that is absolutely bullshit. You’re not  some kind of Social Justice Warrior . You’re on the wrong side of history right now.

            All these people who are yelling and bitching about being silenced and being blocked . You just did it to me because you don’t like my opinion. Now clearly I know where I stand.

28 June 2020 Sunday

            It was much cooler today in the mid 70’s. I worked in the front yard putting down bricks as a boarder and also mowed the front and back yard. It actually rained some in the evening.

James Dabakis came over earlier to retrieve Taco so it was good to have company He also wanted to talk to Kyle Foote about a kid Jim is mentoring who just got arrested and will probably be sent to prison. 

In the afternoon I had a nice visit with Richard Harmston and Charles Bigo. I hadn’t seen them since last March when we all went into self-isolation. We caught up on our lives and showed them all the remodeling going on. I gave them some crook neck squash out of the garden also.  The main reason they came over was to get my views on what is going down at the Center after reading last Saturdays article in the Salt Lake Tribune.

Rich Kane reported a gunshot was fired from a vehicle that was driving by in front of Metro and the Suntrap. The police informed the clubs that they should close for the night, as the blue 2 door Toyota was spotted and reported several more times in the downtown area. I thought those days were over” I suppose not” homophobia lingers on

Mississippi is finally going to take the Confederate Battle Flag off their state flag.

29 June 2020 Monday

It was a very rainy morning and cold with temperatures only getting up into the mid-fifties. It was 48 degrees this morning with slight rain when just last Friday it was 88 degrees by this time of day but it looks like the yard got a good watering”

I made a pot of chili this morning because it was chilly. I added a lot of the pinto beans I cooked up yesterday. I made some corn bread too.

            I called the Utah Pet Grooming School on North Temple and 10^th West to see if they trimmed nails and they did so I made a noon appointment for TJ and Maxx. They were getting way too long with little TJ'S starting to curl into his pad.

I was impressed how quickly they got the pups in and the good job they did. I made another appointment for TJ at noon on July 10^th to have his nails really filed down so he doesn’t have them curled up again. They couldn’t do as much as they would have liked because of blood flow to the nails. I also made an appointment for July 20^th at 8:30 for Lulubelle to get groomed. She is getting fuzzy and it’s been months. Since the groomer at the Dog Park, I liked is no longer there I thought I’d try this place.

It's generally $10 for a trim but $16 if you have them do a full pad groom. As that TJ had nails curling and Maxx hadn't had his down probably 6 months, I went with $16 for each but now that they are under control probably will just do the $10. You make an appointment, wear a mask, and they only let one person at a time in the lobby.

Kyle Foote and Jimmy Adams worked in the Casita downstairs for much of the day. Kyle took apart the standing chest of drawers, that Mike Romero and I had bought from Deseret Industries probably 20 years ago, to place it in the wall beneath the stairs. He also did a lot of wiring getting ready for the insulators to come tomorrow and the sheet rockers on Wednesday.

In the late afternoon, the Pest Control guy came out to spray the inside and outside for spiders. Kyle wanted that done prior to the sheet rock going up.

Mike came over to pick up Coco and he said he’s taking off Wednesday and the rest of the week for the 4^th of July Holiday. I guess he’s heading towards Rawlins.

It was way too wet for either the tree remover guys or the fence installer to do any work today.

Tomorrow we will find out which Republican who supports Pussy Grabbing Trump will be Governor of Utah” elections are decided in Republican primaries not November elections.

30 June 2020 Tuesday

I called the Pet Grooming School to see if I could make an appointment to have Buster’s nails trimmed. They had a 1:30 opening so I was able to take him in. He was a very good boy.

            Other than that, I personally didn’t do much. What is there to do? It was rainy and cool this morning so working in the yard was not an option.

            The insulator came today and used spray foam all down stairs so Kyle Foote said the sheet rock will go up tomorrow. Danny Montoya’s sister Alicia was with Kyle much of the day as she was up from Las Vegas to spend time with her niece who is dying of leukemia. She is only 11. That is so sad and tragic.

Kyle signed us up for Google fiber internet. They will be installing it on July 8th. Once it is set up I’m going to want to cancel the Comcast.

Today is the Republican Primary so which of the least despicable trump ass kissers will be chosen to continue onto the governorship of this One Party State today? It's sad that we have to be Republican collaborators to have a say in this state “talk about your Taxation without Representation when the damn state has been gerrymandered to keep progressives from having a voice.

In the news before going to bed it was a tossup between Huntsman and Cox. Thank God Greg Hughes was not even close.

Carl Reiner died yesterday at the age of 98. He was a funny guy and father of Rob Reiner.