Journal 2008
January
1 January 2008 Tuesday
It's been a frigid start to the new year! It only got up to 14 degrees
today! Spent most of the day sleepy from staying to midnight last night.
I invited Ben Anderson and Mattia Lumaca and Mark Angus to have New Years at our house.
So I made Minestrone Soup, and lots of cheeses, breads, crackers, apples, and
honey oranges. I made a bread pudding with Amaretto butter sauce and I guess it
was all good because there wasn't much left over. I also made the Chex Party
Mix and onion dip. Not that they are my favorites but because it doesn't seem
like a New Year Party without them.
Mike Romero and Mark Angus, who is back from
the Netherlands for the holidays finished off a couple of bottles of wine but I
stuck with Cherry Pepsi or I knew I wouldn't stay awake.
We had a nice
time and we watched “STARDUST” on the big screen, listened to Babs Streisand and
Judy Garland some and just had a mellow time.
Well I guess
2007 won't be on my tombstone as it was for Kathy Worthington, Chad Keller, and
John Cunningham. It's over.
Ben Anderson
wanted us to tell what our New Year Resolutions are and I said I really don't
make them. I will turn 57 this year, I will still be teaching at Washington Elementary,
I don't plan on moving anywhere this year or taking long trips anywhere. I
haven't made up my mind if I'll write anymore for the QSaltLake...I feel kind
of removed from the Gay Community anymore.
I had $200 dollars left on my medical flex
plan on the 31st and if I didn't spend it I would have lost it. So out of
desperation I bought 18 Viagra pills LOL
. God those
buggers are expensive! Over $10 a pill! So I guess my New Years Resolution is
to find a reason to use up all my pills this year.
8 January 2008 Tuesday
It’s the after post-Christmas drudgery,
taking down all the festive crap and back to teaching the kiddies.
It's been
snowing like crazy here and colder then a witches tit so I just bundle up and
stay warm....
I've been
obsessively working on some Alabama family lines most noticeably my Rushton
line that married into the Williams.
19 January 2008 Saturday
Actress Suzanne Pleshette died. I
loved her character on the Bob Newhardt Show. She was 70. My father was born
this day in Portales New Mexico in 1925.
20 January 2008 Sunday
Tim Keller from Logan wrote me
saying, “In the past we have
asked you up here to present but its quite a drive in the winter for you and
our numbers are much lower this year so in the interest of fairness (Not to
mention getting out of the valley for an hour or two) we thought we would drive
down and take you to dinner while we converse. If this works for you let me
know and we'll work out the details.”
I replied: Sounds like fun...I have
backed out of a lot of things since last September, when I learned that an old
flame had died...and that, on top of Chad’s suicide, it really hit me harder
then I realize. I still drive by his old
place wishing I could talk to him and since he's not here to talk with I'm not
talking to anyone...I guess I'm still mourning.... but would like to see you
again. Ben
Tim Keller wrote back: ,I was sorry to hear you've been
having a tough time of late as I understand how difficult losing someone close
to you can be. And in the case of someone as vibrant and colorful as Chad I
would imagine even those who didn't like him are finding life a lot less eventful. As for dinner, do you have a
preference regarding where? I was also thinking that perhaps a post dinner run
to the trap might be fun but that is entirely optional.
22 January 2008 Tuesday
Actor Heath Ledger was found dead
in New York City of a drug overdose. He will always be known for Brokeback
Mountain and he was robbed of an academy award. He was only 28 years old.
24 January 2008 Thursday
Club DV8, on West Temple known for dancing and concerts, burned down last night during a 4 alarm fire.
Chuck Whyte wrote I remember in the early 80’s it was known as
Studio 8 at Tiffany’s Attic prior to
that it was a Dinner Theater where many national and local actors performed. Studio
8 was a Gay Disco that had a multi-level main show-dance room with a stage that
brought the performers up from the basement. Some of the performers that I will
always remember are the Cycle Sluts wearing their leather and performing with
their motorcycles to a packed house, Empress Marta Gayle bringing down the
house with " 9-5" and "Where the Boys Are." The performance
that will always be my favorite is "You’re My World” performed by Empress
V Joanie Lynn on May 29th 1980. Studio 8 Multi-colored lighted dance floor was
always packed on Friday and Saturday Nights. There was also after hours dancing
until the sun came up. They served a pink slushy drink called an “Autumn Leaf”
. It was like a blended Long Island Iced Tea. Studio 8 later moved out o the
2100 South 300 West area. “Rumors opened soon also with many great times, but
just as the great sound of disco faded so did the club.
27 January 2008
Sunday
Gordon B. Hinckley finally died. The King is dead. Long Live the
king. He talked out of both sides of his mouth about Gay rights and then being adamantly
opposed to Gay marriage.
February
3 February 2008 Sunday
Randy Gile now in Montana wrote me a quick note to see how Mike
Romer and I are doing and what’s been going on?
He said he had called a few times but couldn’t get a hold of us. He said, “Things are good with us just
getting use to the cooler temps up here.
It was nice today in the upper twenties, better than the -27 last week”
He mainly wrote to say that Kim and
Kayla will be in Salt Lake in March and asked if they could stay with us
overnight before heading down to Vegas to see Gay, Kimberlee’s mom. He said that Elyse is going to school full
time and “is NOT PREGNANT but still with her boyfriend. That is another story for another time.”
I replied back: Good to hear from you
and also to know that Alysse is not pregnant. There's plenty of time for that
later. We are just plugging along here.
There's been a
series of winter storms like every 3 days here since December so we have had plenty
of snow and the snow blower is getting
it's use.
Good news is we
have not had any inversions this year because the storms blow out the bad air
before an inversion can start. We got your Christmas Card and saved the address
since we didn't have it.
Kimberly is
planning on staying with us right? I will be mad if she doesn't. Mike Romero
never answers his cell phone... mine is 631 8243. Home phone is 364-3714 which has a message
machine with it.
Salt Lake is
about the same...flags are all at half mast because "the prophet"
died. His funeral was yesterday. I wasn’t invited ha!
School is almost
half over for me and I haven't really been sick knock of wood except for head
colds.
Never see the
neighbors who bought your house. They are gone most of the time. They are very
quiet and keep their sidewalks shoveled. I saw that they hooked up a washer and
dryer in the garage.
Far as I know
Norma and Lynn are fine. I never speak to the Carters across the street or to the
Pink house people, so who knows what is going on in the neighborhood.
The Jr. High kids
have settled down so I think the gang of hoodlums who first attended have passed
on through.
My friend Ben Anderson
brought his Italian husband over to Utah in December. His health is doing so
much better because I think he finally has someone taking care of him and
making sure he's on his meds.
Mike Romero and
I had some East Indian bedsheets made into caftans and that's how I dress as
soon as I get home.
The dogs are
fine. Daisy is as big as a sheep. I got her on a diet but it’s not helping much.
She's just a big girl and she loves playing in the snow. Can't hardly get them
to come inside when its snowing.
Priscilla and
Smokey are good. Smokey ran out of the
garage over to your door steps a little
while ago. I think he wanted to see Jack.
Mike Romero's
life has become watching Netflix now that they have unlimited on line movies. I
just keep busy downstairs at my computer.
Gay Elder sent
us a card also. I saved her new address too.
I didn't go down to Vegas over any of the holidays. Just was not up to
flying or driving.
Mike Romero went
to Colorado for Christmas so it was the pups and I for Christmas. It was quiet
but nice.
I bought a PT
Cruiser, last July and I love it. The truck is just setting in the backyard
covered with snow. I was supposed to register it in January but couldn't get to
it because of the snow. I will probably sell it in the Spring. I haven't driven it since last September. We
miss you too Ben.”
4 February 2008 Monday
Courtney Moser wrote me about his and Kelly Byrnes moving from Logan down
closer to Salt Lake City. He said “The house is still for sale. Who knows how long that will take. However, I do have a job interview tomorrow
in Holliday at an assisted living center for their dinning services director. If I get the opportunity for a really good
job, and this could be one, I might have to commute for a while. I'm planning
on coming with Tim [Keller] on the 9th to have dinner with you. Hope you can make it. I've been looking forward to this ever since
Tim told me about it.”
5 February 2008 Tuesday
Well it's Super Tuesday and Fat
Tuesday and I'm feeling more fat then super. I have been really bad about writing
lately...the weather has been so cold here and one winter storm after
another... so not much to write about.
I've been
obsessively doing Genealogy on my Rushton branch of the tree and its like a
drug when I get involved everything else is like a lost weekend.
Being in Utah all we hear about is Mitt Romney
this and Mitt Romney that and to make matters worse the head of the Mormon
Church kicked the bucket so there's nothing but wailing and gnashing of teeth
here.
I am having
Parent Teachers Conferences this week and so far they have gone well, knock on
wood but it mentally draining.
So who did I
vote for in the Democratic state primary? From how well anyone knows me it should be obvious. Hilary
Clinton.
Courtney Moser wrote me again saying that Tim
Keller was at his house in Logan watching the election returns. They want to
meet me at Chuck-A-Rama on 4th South at about 8:00 in the evening on the 9th for a get
together. Tim suggested that we could go to the Trapp afterwards for a beer,
but I doubt whether I will.
6 February 2008 Wednesday
Shouldn't had said anything about
SEP conferences going well. My first one I had to stop, and say this conference
is over. The parents were just pissy mad at me because I wouldn't let their
daughter stay in recesses because of the weather.
I said I don't
make the policies of when its an out door recess. I said your daughter walks to
school and it takes her about 15 minutes to get to school well recess is only
15 minutes. If she's bundled up to walk to school she can bundle up to go
outside.
Half the time I do
let kids stay in anyway, but these parents had such an in “your face attitude. I said to
them if you want your daughter to stay in recesses she will need a note from
you, and she will have to sit in the office, because I can not leave her
unsupervised in my room and there I things I need to do. What jerks.
I voted for
Hillary Clinton but so many Republicans crossed over here in Utah to vote for
Obama because they hate the Clintons. You have to register and take a loyalty
oath to vote in Republican primary but the Democrats let any one vote in their
primaries. Romney got 90 per cent of the Republican Vote in Utah. Does that
tell you that 90 percent of the Mormons in Utah are Republican?
7 February 2008
Thursday
Even with Utah’s overwhelming
support, Romney officially dropped out of the Republican presidential race.
There goes Utah’s White Horse Prophecy candidate. Who now will be the Mighty
and Strong to save the Constitution that is hanging from a thread.
9 February 2008
Saturday
A bunch of friends drove down from Logan to go partying but also to go
out to dinner with me at Chuck a Rama. Courtney Moser and Tim Keller were the
ones I knew the most and we had a good time. There were about five of us and
after we ate Tim and Courtney and the
rest went out to the Trapp. I did go
with them for a few minutes but didn’t stay as I was tired and just wanted to
be home. It was an exhausting week with parent teacher’s conferences.
10 February 2008 Sunday
I wrote to Richard Butler an early Happy Birthday greeting. I am saying it
now because I am old and probably will forget. It's sad to get old and lose
your mind.
Richard replied saying “Remember (you
probably won't) when You get older, so do I. LOL!!It's the 23rd , 54 years
young. Thanks for remembering heck I'm terrible on all the special days. Hope
all is well.”
Actor Rob Schneider
of Jaw’s “we’re gonna need a bigger boat” fame died today. He also played the
part of Bob Fosse.
11 February 2008
Monday
“In My Life” Ben Williams Lambda
Lore
One of the most
beautiful songs ever written is “In My Life” by the Beatles. I think all Gay
people of my generation can especially relate to the sentiments in the verse
“Some are dead and some are living… In my life I’ve loved them all,” in regards
to our own friends and lovers. When I look around our community and remember
those who are missing from it, my mind often recalls this haunting tune and it
buoys me up somehow.
I don’t know if
anyone has noticed, but I haven’t written for the Q in nearly five months. It
wasn’t anything Michael or Ruby said, just so you know. I just needed some time
to pause and reflect on my own life. Often we get so caught up in the deadlines
of our lives that we don’t take care of ourselves until something kind of
snaps. Last fall I didn’t quite snap but I became incredibly sad, crying for no
apparent reason, not realizing that my soul was grieving because my body and
mind kept racing on at a steady clip.
Last year two
people, who were as diametrically opposed as two people could be, passed away
by their own hands. They were, however, similar in that they were incredibly
opinionated people who knew how to roll up their sleeves and go to work. They
both, in their own ways, implemented in our community their visions of making
the world more just and more fabulous. And both of them were friends of mine.
One of the most
gifted and noble women I had the honor of knowing was Kathy Worthington. Those
who knew her and who are reading this are nodding their heads in agreement.
Very few altruistic people exist on this planet, but Kathy was one of them. She
was a quiet giant, rarely calling attention to herself and when the limelight
was focused on her she was genuinely embarrassed. There is a whole generation
of women in this community who knew her and loved her through the Womyn’s
Community News and the First Thursdays Women’s Group. She loved people and
hated injustice, and if she ever thought them, I never heard her say an unkind
word about anyone in our community. But of all those she loved, she loved Sara
Hamlin the most and the pain of losing her never diminished until the day she
chose to rejoin her. When Michael Aaron called me from the UAF Oscar Night to
tell of her passing it felt like a mighty redwood had fallen never to be
replaced in my lifetime.
Then there was
Chad Keller. Chad was one of the most vocal passionate human beings I’ve ever
had the good fortune of knowing. He had every human passion magnified to the
nth degree. He was vicious. He was vivacious. He was opinionated and he was
compassionate. He lived life on his own terms in a “devil may care” buoyancy
that seemed almost unfathomable. If you knew Chad Keller (and anyone in active
leadership knew Chad) he was either a genius or the bane of your existence. And
someone once called him the “most creative alcoholic” in the community. Whether
you loved him or hated him, Chad was a force to be reckoned with and he was no
“barstool” critic as someone also disparagingly called him. He was a gladiator
not a spectator and when his health failed to the point that life held no more
pleasures, he went away. Another redwood giant gone.
However what
finally shut me down was learning of the death of my first true love, John
Cunningham. No, he was not a Gay activist, and I doubt whether he ever strove
to make the world a better place, but in 1969 (my senior year in high school) I
fell in love with him in a time when boys were not allowed to fall in love with
other boys.
So instead I
became his best friend, attending graduation together, getting him to go to
college with me, writing term papers for him to keep his draft deferment up,
all the while never even holding his hand or telling another soul my dark
secret, my shame.
Then in the
summer of 1970, no longer able to contain the ache of the facade of simple
friendship, I told John I loved him. It was the most awful indignity I could
have placed on him, a queer coming on to him. Stunned, he told me he didn’t
love me and in time he joined the army to avoid being drafted. I never saw John
again.
I was lost and soul-weary without John so I
joined the Mormon church to cure me, made my way to Utah, and even married a
woman as advised. But in my heart I knew that John would always be my first
love and my last.
I also knew that
no one would ever tell me when John passed away. So morbidly, I suppose, I
would check the social security death indexes, once or twice a year, like a
casualty list, and last September my worst fears were confirmed. John was dead
at the age of 56. Unlike Kathy or Chad I will never know how he died.
California death records are sealed only to next of kin and domestic partners.
I am neither. I am just the man who loved him and will my entire life.
“Though I know
I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before I know I’ll
often stop and think about them, in my life I love you more.”
23 February 2008 Saturday
Don Steward Wrote me: Ben, I sent
an e-mail to your Q Salt Lake address and it bounced back, so I'll try your
yahoo account instead. I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your last column
"In My Life". I got quite choked up over it, which considering the
fact that I am a completely heartless bastard, is quite the complement. Well
done, and it's nice to have you back! Love. Don.
24 February 2008 Sunday
My 2nd cousin Beverley
Danforth Gollatz wrote me back after I had written to her for some family
birthdates and death dates: She said, “Cuz, It is weird and what is even
weirder is that I am the oldest Danforth!
Who would have thought. Barbara
has a problem with us being orphans. I
hadn't even thought of that. Hope you
and yours are good. I wish I could see
my grand kids. They are teenagers you
know.
I told my
granddaughter that I didn't get to see much of her and her reply was "Well
Grandma Bevie I am 16 and I am very busy". She drives her brothers every
where they need to go being she can't drive her friends around with her until
she is 18. Great law!!
It sure was
great to see Steph at Dad's service. She
sure looks like her mom but I thought a young Madalee was there. You know, Wad's wife. I don't know how she spelled it. But I hope they are all at rest. I think of them often and so glad I have good
memories.....Love to you P.S. My oldest step-daughter, Julie, had a baby
girl Oct. l. Her name is Mikaela
Kathleen Gollatz. Mommy and Daddy,
Michael Brinkman, are getting married in May.”
Norman Danforth
who is my dad’s first cousin and his Beverley’s dad died last December.
In the news
Fidel Castro stepped down as President of Cuba after nearly 50 years as
dictator.
25 February 2008
Monday
The Oscars were given out last
night but I didn’t watch any of it as I haven’t seen any of the nominated
films. The Coen brothers' No Country for Old Men won for Best Picture. I heard
it was the least watched Oscars since 1974.
27 February 2008
Wednesday
Rabid Conservative Intellectual William
F. Buckley Jr., died. He hated Gore Vidal, promoted race segregation in the
South and founded the National Review. The world is a better place without him.
March
1 March 2008 Saturday
I went with Mike Romero, Mattia Lumaca and Ben Anderson to meet up with Richard
Packer and Steve Merrill at the VFW place before going down to Cabela’s in Lehi.
Cabela’s has “museum-quality animal displays with colorful dioramas” and
a “centerpiece indoor mountain displaying trophy animals interacting in
realistic re-creations of their natural habitats.” Mike and Steve were looking
at camping gear and I thought it was mostly boring except for the walk through
aquarian filled with trout. I didn't feel well for most of the day, really
fatigued.
4 March 2008 Tuesday
Yesterday was a bad day for me. Last Saturday my eyes became really
fatigued but I had been on the computer for most of the day so I thought was
the reason. Then on Sunday my eyes
became really weepy especially my left eye and I was getting an ear ache.
I went to work
Monday and noticed after bringing the kids in from outside, that I started slurring my words which scared
me. So I had someone cover my class while I went to a nearby walk-in clinic. The
doctor there said that I appeared to be having Bell's Palsy attack but I needed
to go the ER immediately to make sure I wasn't having a stroke.
I called school
to have someone cover my class and I drove myself up to the University of
Utah’s Hospital. There they said I had classic symptoms of Bell's Palsy and was
pretty certain I wasn't having a stroke.
However my left side of my face is numb like
after having Novocain but without the tingling. I can't smile on the left side
or wrinkle my brow. They said they don't know what causes Bell's Palsy so
there's no real cure for it. They have given me some steroids and eyes drops
and said to wear a patch over my left eye at night as that I can’t blink or
close it.
I was told that after 3 weeks I'd know whether
there's any permanent damage to the nerve that controls those facial muscles. They
say it's not a virus but I feel like I've gotten one as that I am so tired. More than anything I am kind of shocked how
quickly something like this can come on. Just another reminder how weak the
flesh is.
My grandma
Johnson had Bell Palsy on her left side too and left her mouth turned sown at
the corner so I wonder if it's somewhat hereditary.. I Feel just worn out.
And wouldn't you
know tonight is the big I Can Do dance bash for my kids at West High School
that they have been practicing all year for.
I went back into school after seeing the
doctor but my colleagues all said they had me covered for the rest of the day and
I had a sub assigned for the rest of the
week so I can stay home and rest. I have to be careful eating because food of falls
out of the left side and it's hard to chew crunchy things. Oh well at least it
wasn't a stroke.
Carrie Harward
said she would go to West High for the I Can Do Dance so Jeny wouldn’t have to
watch my kids too.
5 March 2008 Wednesday
I wrote to Kimberlee Gile about
her coming down this week: “I sent this to both email addresses so hope you
will get it. We aren't going any where or at least I am not so just come on
by...
I'm emailing you
rather then returning your call because Monday I had a Bell's Palsy attack and
the left side of my face is temporarily paralyzed so you wouldn't be able to
understand me. I can't make f, p, or th sounds very well.
I went to the ER
and they said it could last 3 weeks. They don't know what causes it and there's
no cure for it so just have to wait and see.
I am home this
week hoping that the worse of it will be over. Hope all is well with you. It’s
been a cold snowy winter but it seems that spring is around the corner. Love Ben.”
I guess Senator
John McCain is going to be the Republican nominee for President, I wonder if he
will pick Romney as his running mate at the convention this summer. McCain’s a
war hawk, having served in Viet Nam where he was a prisoner of war for years.
7 March 2008 Friday
Kimberlee Gile wrote me back finally: I am so sorry to hear about
your present condition. Thankfully it is
only temporary. I guess we will have to
skip our plans to go "clubbin'" while I am there.
Thank you for
letting me stay there with you. Kayla
and I plan to arrive in Salt Lake around 8-ish Friday night. We will drive to Las Vegas on Monday. We will then return Friday evening and leave
for Montana on Saturday or Sunday morning, depending on weather, etc.”
Are you sure you
would not mind my intrusion those nights? Kayla is setting up sleep-overs with
her friends for each night to make the most of her time there. Rolf is going to take me out Saturday night. Otherwise, I plan to be the taxi driver and
visit you two and some of the neighbors.
I will leave a
voice mail on your cell phone when we leave Montana, just to give you an idea
of when we will get to Salt Lake. It is
a 10-hour drive. I am so excited to see you two. I miss you both SOOO much. Thank you again! Love, Kimberlee
11 March 2008 Tuesday
Courtney Moser wrote: Ben, Is
your bell's palsy condition anything that chicken soup will help with? It
sounds to me like you need some old fashioned mothering!
I wish I was already there to
help. Courtney
14 March 2008 Friday
Kimberlee Giles and her daughter
came in late after a long drive down from Kalispell, Montana. I gave up my
bedroom downstairs to Kim while her daughter spent the night with friends. I
slept upstairs in the twin bed in the front room.
17 March 2008 Monday
Kimberlee and Kayla left out this
morning for Vegas. They will be back next weekend to spend the night before
heading back to Montana. I felt well enough to go back into work but I am not
completely up to snuff. I’ve used up
almost all my cumulated sick days.
28 March 2008 Friday
I went to see Dr. Stoneburner about
my Bell’s Palsy and he said that he didn’t see any lasting damage to my nerves
that control that side of my face.
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