Autumn 4th Quarter Journal 2009 October-December

 OCTOBER

1 October 2009 Thursday

No school today because of UEA weekend.  I had a dentist appointment in Bountiful with Dr. Matt McKay.  I had x-rays and a cleaning. Jackie the woman who did my teeth said that they were in good shape and I didn’t have gingivitis.  I hadn’t had my teeth cleaned in over a year so that was good although I have a cavity under a filling in one of upper right molars. I am coming back on the 22^nd to have Dr. McKay put in a silver filling. He’s young and handsome so there you go.

 

I also went to Wal-Mart and bought a dual VCR and DVD player for the TV room since the old one seemed to be having problems with the VCR and I still have lots of tapes. I also bought a new Toaster Oven that has a rotisserie in it.

My old one was about 5 years old and was giving out.  I had cooked a lot in it so time to replace it. 

Mark Andersen  asked me today if I would co-sign for a car loan for him. I said I would only consider it once the car is in his possession and his father-in-law is taken off the title. I told him I didn’t want to be stuck paying for a car that Tiffany gets in an alimony settlement.  He got mad and hung up on me when I said his self-image shouldn’t be tied up in a car.  I said he should just let the car be repossessed since he owes more on it then it is worth.  He owes $17,000 on it and it’s only worth $14,000. 

I’ve had a small head ache most of the day.  I think from getting up too early and not sleeping well.

Darren Solomon came over tonight while I was watching an old video of Charles Pierce doing his female impersonator routine. I really didn’t want company but I visited with him but stayed out of the bedroom.  Darren bless his heart cares about me but he cannot carry on a conversation with me. We have nothing to say and there’s this awkward silence as I try to solicit some small talk out of him. It’s painful.

 

2 October 2009 Friday

When Mark Andersen dropped Audrey off on his way to work, I put her back to bed in the TV room where it’s darker.  She slept until nearly 11:00.  After she got up, I fed her some breakfast and then we went off to the Main Library to check out the Children Library.  She really liked pop-up books.  We found some books and we read some together and we were there for about 3 hours. 

Afterwards we went to the Deseret Industry on 7^th South where she fell in love with a stuffed leopard, and we bought some books and clothes.  Then we went to the DI on 7^th West and bought some more books and clothes. We had a fun time shopping and then we went to Wendy’s. 

After coming back to the house we watched Aliens Versus Monster and Coraline which was really dark and creepy for a children’s’ movie. 

When Mark came over about 6:30 we weren’t done so I told him to go home and change and come back later.  When he came back he was throwing up  saying he had a rough day and hadn’t eaten anything since I gave him a breakfast croissant.  I asked if he wanted to go get something to eat but he said he was meeting Marian for a bite. 

Mike Romero called me later and was needing someone to talk to about Mark and his wanting one of us to cosign for a loan.  We agreed that this car situation really is Mark and Tiffany’s problem and they should solve it. Not us.  My pictures of Mae West, Gloria Swonson, and Judy Garland today.

 

3 October 2009 Saturday

Mark Andersen texted and asked if I wanted to go to Audrey’s soccer game and I said sure.  I put up the fall decorations this morning before going to the game.  A men’s team was playing next to Audrey’s so it was fun looking at the guys.

 It was a very cool day so unlike last week. 

After the game we went to Golden Corral for lunch and I bought for everyone.  I stayed away from the breads and desserts and was able to eat almost everything else. 

After coming back home I went to Reul’s frame shop and bought 3 three frames for my pictures and spent the evening putting them together and hanging them in the television room.

 

4 October 2009 Sunday

I went to the National Coming Out Day Brunch hosted by the Pride Center today. It rained almost all night long and was rainy off and all for the most of the day.

Cleve Jones was the featured speaker and talked about how we need to push the federal government for our rights instead looking the states for piece meal work. 

I sat at Mark Swonson’s table and next to Dan Fahndrich.  I had a nice time and Becky Moss got a Lifetime Achievement Award.  Matt Landis and a woman emceed.

I had Sunday dinner, actually brunch with some good people at the Cleve Jones fundraiser. Good to see so many people I care about there and get some hugs.

Cleve Jones is of my generation so his message resonated with me completely... I've always said we need a national civil rights act not 50 state rights actions. I don't want to be a 2nd class citizen in my own country.

The Brunch was kind of plain but the event was fun especially seeing friends, Todd Bennett, Ron Hunt, Jacob Lewis, Michael Alder and others.

 

5 October 2009 Monday

Back to school. I watched a little TV in the evening and went to bed early.

 

6 October 2009 Tuesday

I wondering if the needle marks on my belly makes a subconscious pattern... I need to get a sharpie marker and find out.

I bought some speakers with a woofer today for the TV room but couldn’t get it to work so I asked Mark and Mike Romero over for dinner and asked them to fix it. I made spaghetti and they stayed until about 9 visiting.

I guess this Saturday Mike Romero got tickets for us to see Toy Story in 3D and in the evening they are going to see Chorus Line and I will babysit Audrey.  I have a pumpkin in the backyard that Audrey can carve.

 

7 October 2009 Wednesday

Faculty meeting this morning so Had to go in early just to hear how much harder we have to work for actually less money. We set off our papier Mache volcanoes today. I am beat...

 I really struggled for a column for the QSL tonight. it's on the Anti-War Movement and Gay Liberation in Utah in 1969. I hope you appreciate how much I suffer for my art... Ow my head hurts

 

8 October 2009 Thursday

I had strange dreams last night about traveling on a bus with friends but not sure who the friends were. Finished setting off the volcanoes today and had the Children’s Museum assembly also  which wasn’t as good as in years past. 

Made my first payment to RC Wiley’s today.  Now’s the time to start paying off the furniture I bought last month. 

Been feeling rather tired lately and now sure why.  I have been getting a good night sleep. Cool today but leaves haven’t changed yet. 

 

9 October 2009 Friday

Jeny Peterson and I are just agonizing over this data gathering we have to do every Friday now. Just more crap.

 

10 March 2009 Saturday

Mike Romero got tickets to see Toy Story in 3D at the Gateway for Mark Andersen, Audrey, and me.  It was a double feature with Toy Story 1 and 2 and it was fun but I am not a big fan of 3D because of my glasses.

Afterwards we went to Ambers for a late lunch and Darren Solomon and Merrill coincidently showed up right after us and was seated in the booth behind us.

After dinner Audrey and I went back to my house  where I babysat her while Mike Romero and Mark went to see Chorus Line. Audrey and I carved a jack o lantern from a pumpkin in my back yard, and  I taught her how to make peanut butter cookies.  After that we then we snuggled in to watch It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein in the Theater Room on the big screen. We had a good time and she fell asleep by the time Mark came and picked her up about 10:30 to take her home.

 

11 October 2009 Sunday

Today was the National Coming Out day March on Washington D.C.  They had a march here in Salt Lake City but I didn’t attend. My marching days are over. 

About 1 o’clock I went with Mark Andersen, Mike Romero and Audrey to the downtown library where they down loaded music, Audrey got some more books and I checked out Janet Evanovich’s latest novel “Finger Licking Fifteen”. After that I had them come over to the house and I made hamburgers and chili for dinner.  Audrey goes back to her mother tonight.

 I talked to Mom this morning and she said that my cousin Kay and uncle J W Johnson may come out to Arizona for Thanksgiving and wanted me to come down so I said I would. 

My nephew’s wife Jehil had respiratory failure last week and almost died. Beverly and Barbara Danforth are moving to Oceanside together to grow old.  I am really tired and dreading going back to work tomorrow.

 

12 October 2009 Monday

I bought plane tickets today on line to go see mom for Thanksgiving. Got them on an airline called US Airways.  Really never heard of them before but round trip only cost $235. Tuesday, November 24, 2009 Flight 12  leaving  at  07:15 AM  SLC arriving at 08:57 AM  PHX Seat 19C Return:   Phoenix, AZ  (PHX)  Salt Lake City, UT  (SLC)  Date: Friday, November 27, 2009 at  11:15 AM  PHX arriving at  12:59 PM  SLC Seat 19C. 

David Alder wants to interview me for the history project this Saturday at the Library

 

13 October 2009 Tuesday

Amee Jensen my student teacher officially began today. Jeny Petersen is still sick. After work I went to America First Credit Union and set up an automatic payment schedule again for my mortgage because the first time one of my account numbers was off and it didn’t go through. I read most of the evening in my book Finger-licking Fifteen.

 

14 October 2009 Wednesday

Had to be in early for a training on the new grade book but my computer kept freezing up so it was frustrating and not very productive.

After work I took the Cruiser to Discount Tires and had my tires rotated.  Now that I am living alone I have to make sure I am doing all these maintenance things myself. 

I need to take the snow blower in to Sears and have it repaired before October is over. 

On the way home I stopped at Apollo Burger and got me a Pastrami Sandwich for supper but it really didn’t seem to be as tasty as I remembered.

I watched Future-Rama on the big screen and then Glee on Fox 13 which is the new show that is the latest Gay faze.

 I couldn’t sleep so I finished reading Finger-Lickin Fifteen the latest Janet Evanovich novel in the Stephanie Plum series.

 

15 October 2009 Thursday

Still feeling rather ran down.  Don’t know what is exactly wrong with me.  Mrs. Petersen has been out all week with pneumonia with Dorothy Pratt subbing and the new Student teacher doing most of the work.  She hasn’t even been with Jeny yet. 

During of the breaks I called about how much a colonoscopy test would cost me and my insurance said I was responsible for the first $500 plus 10 percent of the rest. The Clinic said that the cost of the procedure would be between 1700 and 2000 dollars so I am looking at a minimum of $650! And it’s just a screening! Well I guess I will just have to put money away for it.

 Dorothy Pratt  remarked about how tired I look so I must be really starting to drag.

When I came home there was a package on the porch for Mark Andersen and I left him a message but he never came over for it. I watched Madagascar Part 2 on the big screen.

 

16 October 2009 Friday

Jeny Petersen has been out all week with Pneumonia so wasn’t much I could do for this data collecting crap we have to do on Fridays now. Amee Jensen is going to be taking over my class next week.  I watched Tale of Despereaux tonight.  I didn’t like it all that much.

 

17 October 2009 Saturday

I emailed Tim Keller and Courtney Moser if they wanted to come down next Saturday to watch movies but they had plans to see David Sadaris in concert. 

This morning I went to the Main Library to meet up with Jeremy Yamashiro and David Alder for the interview they wanted to do for the Oral History Project.  It was kind of fiasco because David wasn’t really prepared with the camera and a cop came by and said we had to get a permit to film in the library.  It wasn’t a total waste though because I really like visiting with them. 

The rest of the day I went to Deseret Industries and found this cute ceramic Christmas village.  Then I Spent the day cleaning house especially cleaning the doggie door. I wanted to take it out and replace it but Randy sealed it into the house so well that I couldn’t get it to simply pull out. I made lasagna for Sunday dinner.

 

18 October 2009 Sunday

I did a lot of running around this morning to Costco, Lowes, and Savers.  I needed to get some dog treats and I wanted to get new shower heads for the upstairs bathroom. At Savers I was still looking for scarves.

 I invited Mark Andersen and Mike Romero over for Sunday dinner.  I made Lasagna and beef barley soup yesterday, so I served that with a salad and garlic bread. 

Mark turned off my yard water for the year and the sprinkler timer. Mike Romero and Mark also lifted the snow blower into the back of my truck so I can take it into Sears for repair.  They only stayed for an out 2 hours and I sent home all the lasagna and left over salad, soup, and bread with them.

 I wanted to rest for the rest of the evening and I watched The Simpson’s 20th Halloween Special.  Mark Swonson needed someone to go see the Passion of Sister Dottie Dixon with him tomorrow and I said I would go with him and then to Squatters for dinner.

 

19 October 2009 Monday

I rushed home to feed the dogs after work but Mark Swonson called and said tonight’s performance of the Passion of Dottie Dixon had been canceled because Charles Frost  is sick and we rescheduled for next Sunday which is better.  This morning it thundered so hard it woke me up. 

The kids said it was so loud in Bountiful that it set off car alarms. 

Mark Andersen had a credit card in the mail so  I took the hounds over to Mike Romero’s and left it there.  Mark was working late.  Smokey was so happy to see Mike Romero as were Buddy and Daisy but they were also anxious to go back home.  Mike Romero’s place isn’t home. 

Back at home I watched a documentary on the Great San Francisco Earthquake of 1906 and some episodes of 30 Rock before going to bed. 

I fixed tacos and had three of them for dinner, and some small donuts that I shouldn’t have ate but I was craving something sweet and I have been pretty good with the carbs.  I ate a bowl of popcorn to that maybe was too much.

 

20 October 2009 Tuesday

I had a miserable night last night. I woke up about 2:30 with a sour stomach and all the Pepto bismo and antacids wasn’t helping. Didn’t get back to sleep until 4 and even that was not restful. 

Mrs. Whitaker one of the tutors at school has the swine flu and so does two of her daughters. I heard that Joseph Gallegos, who I had last year, his “grandma/mother” died this week from Swine Flu over at Foxborough. 

My student teacher took over for most of the day and I was glad because I was really tired.  Heard that Charles Frost aka Dottie Dixon is in the hospital with pneumonia and the rest of her performances have been canceled. 

I cooked some carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower up for dinner as well as some yellow squash, a yam, two hot dogs with sauerkraut and an apple.  I hope that I am not getting sick.

 

21 October 2009 Wednesday

Mostly spent the day getting Amee Jensen set up for me to be gone until Tuesday.  Jeny Petersen said her two grandsons have the swine flu.

 

22 October 2009 Thursday

I went up to Bountiful for my appointment with Dr. McKay my cute dentist. He found another cavity hiding next to the one he was scheduled to fill so I got them both done at the same time for $85. 

I did some grocery shopping then went and had my blood work done for tomorrow’s visit with Dr. Stoneburner. 

I was so tired I took a nap and in the evening watched Shrek 3.  I was kind of horny today so I put my name on Craigslist to find a masseuse who would give me a happy ending.  I hadn’t been to a masseuse since last January and I could really use, not only a good rub down, but also a good probing.

 Most people who responded were really just high price call boys but I didn’t want just a fuck nor did I want just a massage.  I guess I am kind of feeling lonely. 

This one dude responded from Rose Park who’s in his 40’s and said he’d do it for $20 so I hope we can connect and become buddies.  I know I could call Darren Solomon up but he doesn’t fuck and I really want some intimacy.

 

23 October 2009 Friday

My Doctor appointment with Stoneburner was at 8 a.m. but even then it was nearly 8:30 before I got to see him.  He was very happy with my sugar levels saying that the lab said my glucose was 110 and my HGB A1C levels was down to 6.9 nearly a 4 point drop since I saw him July.

 My blood pressure was 120/74. He wants to see me again at the end of February. 

I couldn’t get a flu vaccination today because the clinic ran out yesterday and of course there’s no swine flu vaccine to be had. 

Dr. Stoneburner thinks I may have had the swine flu last week when I was up at night with diarrhea. 

I spent the rest of the day shopping for a new pair of glasses. The ones I got at Lens Crafters last year don’t seem to really be my prescription.  They seem just a little bit off. 

I went to Costco, Sam’s Club, Target, and Moran’s Eye Center.  Costco had the best price and the only one with dark blue clip on sun glasses.  $285 because my vision is so screwed up.

 

24 October 2009 Saturday

This kid from Craig’s List came over today to give me a massage. His name is Robb and his drag name is Shauna St. Clair I believe. He’s a cute red ahead about 23 and lives here in Rose Park by Smith’s so he’s easy to pick up.

I paid him $60 and he massage me downstairs in the nude for about a half hour and then he fucked me.  It’s been so long since really been fucked.  I guess it’s cheaper than going on a date and then I can take him home. 

Mark Anderson called in the afternoon and wanted to know if I’d go with him to Savers to get a costume for Audrey so I did.  She wants to be a dead bride and really couldn’t find any kids costumes but found a wedding dress for $30 bucks.  Mark didn’t want to get it because it was kind of expensive so I said I’d get it for her.  Halloween like Christmas is for kids and I know she would not be happy as anything else.  So got that and a wig and Tiara at Savers then we went to Zuchers Party Supplies where we ran in to Peter Crane and Blair Lewis.

  I found a wedding veil there and I told Peter to come over to the house and get the coffin I have stored since he’s so into Halloween and I just don’t have the energy any more. 

Spent the rest of the evening pinning the wedding gown and watching Finding Nemo.  Did give Smokey a haircut too. He’s been kind of ornery.

 

25 October 2009 Sunday

It was a pretty nice day. Very Fall like. I got up really early about 7 a.m. and did some alterations of Audrey’s Wedding Gown to make it fit more in the waist and shoulders and hemmed the front so she wouldn’t be dragging in it. 

Texted Mark for him to bring Audrey and Mike Romero over for dinner. I fixed pot roast, candied carrots, Corn, mashed potatoes and gravy, French bread and salad. I thawed out a Lemon Meringue pie too but sent it all home after we were through. 

Peter Crane and Blair Lewis came over about 10:30 this morning to pick up the coffin and I gave him the fog machine, strobe light, and all my Halloween paraphernalia.  Blair really makes a big deal about decorating his yard as the Halloween place so I am glad he can use it.  My Halloween decorating days are over and they are 14 years younger than I am so they have years ahead of them to still have fun with it. 

Mark Andersen mowed my lawn.  Probably be the last time for the season.

 

26 October 2009 Monday

Woke up about 1:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep until after 2 and even then had a restless sleep.

I had my Writing a Persuasive Essay class today up at the District in Farmington and I was so not looking forward to it.  I sat near Susan Parker from Orchard and she was about as thrilled as I was and she said that she’s retiring this year after 28 years and I said I was also retiring this year.

This class really convinced me I need to get out of education.  I briefly spoke with Pam Park who is now an Asst. Superintendent and when I was retiring she mentioned that she thought that one had to have at least 25 years before buying out so I am not sure if I will get any retirement from the district with just 22 but still I really need to get out of education.  

I just have to trust it’s the right move and besides, I really don’t have any choice in matter since they are requiring all teachers to be fingerprinted to recertify and I have to recertify in 2010.  So am kind of being forced out. 

I left about 3:15 with a head ache.  Just couldn’t take it anymore and came home.

Coming back from taking the hounds for a ride I saw Norma Chaffin in the street so stopped the car and visited.  They sold their house and have to be out in about 2 weeks.  Sold it to a single guy named Peter Nash who must be a computer geek because the selling point was how Lynn and wired the house.

  She also told me that Gisela who use to live across the street died about two years ago.  I was sad to hear that.  Told her the neighborhood is really changing and after they are gone I’ll be the only one left from the pioneers of 1996. She laughed.  I guess they are having a house built in Saratoga Springs.  I watched Cars some tonight but I am really just tired.

 

27 October 2009 Tuesday

It snowed today and it was cold and wet. When I got to work found out that Jeny Petersen will be out all week because she came down with the Shingles and has infected her eye. She’s had a rougher year then me. Amee Jensen is just running my class now so I don’t have to do much but sit back.  I went to bed by 8 because I was so tired.

 

28 October 2009 Wednesday

I got some sleep finally so today was better at school.  Amee Jensen is just taking over my class room and that is okay by me. Tomorrow is the end of the first term, Came home and watch the Invaders which was a takeoff on Invasion of the Body snatchers. It was just okay. Ate my Taco soup I made yesterday. 

 

29 October 2009 Thursday

Last day of the 1^st Term.  We had to have our Halloween Party today  and we had a fire drill this morning. It was cold but at least no snow. 

 

30 October 2009 Friday

I went into work today for Teacher’s Prep and but some grades in.  Jeny came in and she looked awful poor thing. Dropped off shirts at the cleaners for the new term. 

I came home early and was so tired that I tried to take a nap but the dogs wouldn’t let me so I took a long hot shower and then realized I had a rash all over my back and showers and it was beginning to itch.  Afraid that I might be coming down with shingles too I raced to the Urgent Care I go to in Bountiful and saw my doctor there.  She said it wasn’t shingles but looked like strep except I didn’t have a sore throat. They swabbed my throat and that was negative so they are only other thing that I may have had an allergic reaction to this new shampoo I bought.  I was relieved that it wasn’t anything more serious. She gave me a prescription for the itching. 

Mike Romero texted me at 2 this afternoon to ask if I was still planning on going to Rocky Horror I said I was and he said they wanted to go to the 11:30 showing. So I pulled out my Rocky Horror script and practiced for most of the evening to remember the cues.  I hadn’t heard any more from them so I texted at 8:30 when did they want me to come over and I never got a response back.

 I watched a scary movie called The Happening until 10:00 and the waited and waited for a phone call.  At 11:15 I turned out the lights and went to bed.  I was pissed that I got stood up.  They could have least called and said they decided not to go or let me know so I could have went to the 8 o’clock showing.

 

Halloween 2009 Saturday

Warming to day then yesterday. In the morning I went down to Sears Repairs and picked up the Snow Blower.  It cost $90 to fix plus the $30 I put down as a deposit. While out Costco called and said my glassed were ready so drove to Bountiful to pick them up.  While there I stopped at a barbers on Main Street and got a haircut and beard trim.  It was women but she actually used a straight razor so must actually be a barber and not a stylist.  Did a good job.

 I then went to the Pride Center to pick up QSalt Lake and ran into Mark Swonson.  We went out to lunch at Red Rocks and I picked up the tab.  That places is over rated.  $24 for 2 sandwiches and only I had a coke.  The waiter was a dud too. 

Came home and gave the dogs a ride while I went to the Pharmacy to pick up more needles and medicine for the rash.

People were all gussied up in Halloween Costumes.  I hope Audrey has fun tonight as a dead Bride. My tooth that I had filled last week is starting to ache more and more. Instead of getting less sensitive it’s getting more so I think I will need to go back to Dr. McKay and have him look at it some more.  Gave Buddy a haircut today. I will do Daisy tomorrow.

            Kept waiting for Mike Romero or Mark to call to explain or at least tell me when they were coming over to pick me up for Dan’s party.  I decided I need to have a little Halloween energy so went over to Peter Crane and Blair Lewis to look at their Halloween house and to see how they used the coffin.  It was fantastic. 

As it became twilight all the trick or treaters  were on the move and there evening was an almost full moon.  I took the hounds with me so they could have a ride.

 About 8:15 I get a text message from Mark Anderson just saying, “R U still going to Dan’s.”  Nothing else.  I just blew it off.  I was pissed.  No one calls me all week or tells me what is going on instead at the last minute I get a quick message. I wouldn’t go with them now any way.

 

NOVEMBER

1 November 2009 Sunday

First full day of back to standard time. It was good to sleep in but the dogs are on their own time.  Never heard a word from Mike Romero and Mark Andersen so I didn’t bother inviting them over for dinner although I made Spaghetti. 

Tried straightening up the house doing some laundry and grocery shopping and being with the dogs.  Exhausted from wrangling my 50 lb. Schnauzer Daisy who did not what a haircut and bath this morning. Maybe it's worth $50 to have a groomer do it. I think her weight is getting to her when you pick her up.

 I called mom since it’s been over a week since I’d talked to her. She said she doing okay and looking forward to me coming down in about 3 weeks.  I felt kind of lonely today.  Not sure why. Maybe because it’s November and tomorrow is the Dark Moon. It’s the turning of the wheel for sure.

 

2 November 2009 Monday

Talked to Kimberlee Gile on Facebook for a while. I think they are unhappy being in Florida and would like to come back to Utah.  I said that they could always stay with me until they get on their feet if they do.

I am letting Amee Jensen take over the classroom and I think it’s a shock for the students because she’s way tougher then I am and I am pretty tough.

Had China delight for dinner tonight.  I am eating but I don’t really seem to be having an appetite.  It’s hard to eat alone.

“If you walk down the street today and bump into a middle-aged homosexual, chances are that the nasty comeback he will shout at you is something he picked up from Dorothy Zbornak of the Golden Girls. Dorothy taught the gays to speak very fast and have the most superior attitude possible.-THE GOLDEN GIRLS GAY AGENDA Oct 24, 2009 by Stephenson Billings Christwire.org (Stupid Conservatives)

 

3 November 2009 Tuesday

Election Day today and I voted for the bond to rebuild the police public safety building and I voted for Leslie Benn for city council.  She lost but the bond measure passed.  I guess Ben Anderson and Matias Lumaca are wanting to come back to America.  I emailed them that they could stay with me until they find a place.

 

4 November 2009 Wednesday

Maine voters overturned Gay marriage in that state.  I am pretty done with the whole Gay marriage deal now.  I get it. 

Stan Penfold was elected as the first openly Gay city councilman for the city. 

Mark Andersen texted me today saying he was awfully tired from working 11 hour days for UPS.  I didn’t tell him how I was feeling.

My upper molar that I had filled is really hurting me and doesn’t seem to be getting any better. I am going to have to see the dentist again about it.

 There was an explosion in Woods Cross at the Silver Eagle Refinery which blew a house off its foundation. Mrs. Petersen’s student teacher’s daughter had all the windows blown out of her house from it.

 

5 November 2009 Thursday

When I got to work at 8:15 I called Dr. McKay’s office to see if I could see him sometime about the tooth ache I have in the filling I had done two weeks ago. Surprisingly they said if I came in right then I could see him so I did. 

There I got the bad news that I needed a root canal in that upper molar but they said they could do it today so I put off the inevitable and ha it done.  I guess if I am going to have  a root canal I should have it done by a cute doctor.  The only real pain was when I had a needle stuck into the roof of my mouth.  That was really uncomfortable.  I also had a crown fitted so about 1 ½ hour and $535 later I was done. 

I went back to work but really didn’t do anything with Amee Jensen doing all the work.  I was kind of out of it anyway.  At noon I tried to get a flu shot at the Davis Health Clinic right by the school but they were all out and said check back in a week.  I don’t know if I will even bother now. 

Didn’t hear from anyone today.  I worked on an article for Q Salt Lake today on Tony Adams who was murdered in 1978. 

A bunch of soldiers were killed in Ft. Hood Texas today by a fellow soldier.  It was a warm day today 75 degrees. Said it broke the record for the day.

 

6 November 2009 Friday

My tooth was really sore all day. So Glad it was an early out.  Talked to Ben Anderson on Facebook.  I guess they will be staying with me once they come back to America. Little sleep from breaky achy tooth...

why we can spend trillions on Wall Street Bankers but we can't have universal affordable health care is beyond me. I have crappy insurance but I feel sorry for people with tooth pain who have no insurance or money.

 

7 November 2009 Saturday

I spent six hours cleaning the kitchen of mouse droppings and washing everything.  I put some Decon poison out behind the refrig and under the kitchen drawers.  I saw a lot of droppings so know it’s not one mouse.  Took everything out of all the drawers and cabinets and washed all the dishes and threw all the towels into the laundry.  It tuckered me out but was good to really scrub the kitchen.

The House of Representatives in Congress passed their version of Health Care Bill.

 

8 November 2009 Sunday

I made Enchiladas, a roast, and split pea soup today but Mark Andersen called and asked me to go to Chuck A Rama with him, Audrey and Mike Romero so I did. Driving down town noticed that the old Radio City Lounge building has been razed.

 Mike Romero asked if I still needed a ride to the airport which was his way of saying I was on my own.  He’s such a jerk at times but I’d walk before I ask him for help now. I said just make sure the dogs get fed while I am gone. 

Mark Andersen and I worked in the yard some. He mowed while I pulled weeds and blew the leaves off the grass.  I called Bill and Faye Romero and talked to them some. They seem okay. They haven’t heard from Mike Romero since he moved out.

 Richard Packer is in the emergency room with gangrene in his colon so he’s not long for this world I fear.

 

9 November 2009 Monday

I was tired all day at work. I hope I am not coming down with something.  Came home and took a nap then fed the dogs and watched a little of Arthur Dong’s License To Kill about Gay Bashing.

 I got an email letter from Kent Larsen my old friend from Cypress College. He said he found the article I wrote about him for QSL on line and wanted to get in touch with me. So I wrote to him:

“ I looked up some of your work. It's so beautiful. Reminded me of when you showed me the collection of desert glass conductors you had in your bedroom. Your fascination with glass has really become brilliant. I always thought your thing would be ceramics or photography.”

“I know Charlene Felos was kind of a muse for you in ceramics. Terry O'Brien is living in Provo. It's your fault I ended up in Salt Lake City for most of my life LOL.”

“I have taught elementary school for the past 22 years while juggling being a Gay activist here in Utah. (that's a story in itself) I don't have an artistic creative outlet anymore and while I am creative I never was a genius like you.”

“I write as an outlet and have a column in the Salt Lake Gay paper and have for years. I am the unofficial Gay historian for Utah and am trotted out whenever the media needs information.”

“ I loved your mom. Many time I'd come over to see you or the Johnsons but when you weren't home your mom had me come in anyway and we'd have a visit. I guess I've always been easy to talk to.”

“I graduated from BYU can you believe it? Got married in the Temple, left the LDS Church came out as a Gay activist, did a Gay radio show for 7 years in SLC. I joined the Quakers for a while and consider myself a Quaker- Pagan LOL.”

“I own a house and have four spoiled dogs. I was in a relationship for 16 years but we separated last August and he moved out. A friend of mine and his Italian boyfriend might be moving in this coming year.”

“If you are ever in SLC and need a place to crash come stay with me. (PS I got my name Ben from us being camp counselor at the YMCA that one summer in 1972... I use to be Edgar LOL)

 He Wrote back: “Hi Ben, Good to actually hear from you after all these years. What 35 or 37 years?   I will give you a brief synopsis of my life and hopefully answer some of your questions. I completely forgot you worked with me at Camp Oaks. Was it the year I was crafts councilor or the year that I worked long-term councilor?”

“ I have the group photos from the summers I worked there. Was it 71 and 72, or was it 72 and 73? Anyway, I will find them, scan them and send you a copy. Do you remember Raggers Point at Camp Oaks? Well, Pioneertown is the first hamlet right below that lookout. That is where I am right now.”

“Reed Farnsworth and Brian Farnsworth worked there the last summer. That was also the last time period of seeing Reed. “Elder Farnsworth” in your article. He lives in that new town development near Orem. Mormonville I think.”

“ I have communicated with him a couple times, but I don’t really think he wants me to tell his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids we were lovers for a brief time in the stone age.”

“ My dad died 15 years ago, and my mom died in May two years ago. She was 91. Her mind was fine but the frame was in terrible shape. She was in a lot of pain. She could barely stand up to get from her chair to her wheel chair.”

“My middle sister Lu Gene lived with her. Mom and dad followed my oldest sister Diana to Boise when they retired.”

“ Tom and Jean both died terrible deaths 5 or 6 years ago. They retired to Sedona. Tom had diabetes and was a real mess.”

“ Judy, my youngest sister just retired from the Post Office in South Salt Lake. She and her husband live at 5th East and 33rd South. Diana and Lou are still in Boise.”

“After 1972 I got a cute little house in Buena Park and worked at Buffum’s in Laguna Hills. I stayed there until around 1978 and took classes when I could afford to at Cypress and at Cal State Fullerton. I never finished a degree. “

“I started doing some free-lance magazine production work and eventually gave up Buffum’s. Most of my work was in LA so I moved to Pasadena and bought an old duplex house with an editor of one of the magazines I worked for.” Simon Rosario and Danny Stevens (I think you went to high school with him) bought the house next door.

“All those years Tom and Jean and I spent our summer holidays camping in the some of the most remote Southern Utah.”

“ 1979 to 1984 were my LA whore years. I had a lot of sex, like everyone else. Looking back, I really had a good time. But then suddenly, all my friends started getting sick and dying. Since I was the biggest slut of all of them, I knew my time was short.”

“One thing I always wanted to do was the “pioneer thing”. I sold my share of the house in Pasadena and bought 15 acres 5 miles west of Escalante Utah. Red neck headquarters at that time. The only job in town was sawmill work.”

“ I moved two little cabins onto my property from the lodge at Bryce Canyon, I drilled a well, brought a power loop and sat back waiting to die. Guess what. I did not die.”

“ Had not thought this through well enough and I had no means of supporting myself since I was obviously not getting sick. I returned to California and started buying and selling antiques as a way to pay the bills.”

“ I had had enough of graphics and magazine work, and of course I had dabbled a bit in the world of antiques. I started working winters in California and returned to Escalante for summers. I still do.”

“ By the time the AIDS test came along, I realized I was negative, and unlike all my friends I was spared a timely death and allowed to live to a miserable old age.”

“ I am a sexual compulsive I suppose, so lately I mostly don’t do it much. Mostly fantasy, pornography, and self-abuse. I have had a couple of wonderful-love-disasters along the way.”

“In 1994 I used some savings to buy an old desert house in Pioneertown, near Yucca Valley, not to far north of Palm Springs. Houses were cheap, and it is pretty much private and away from anyone.”

“I helped start a co-op’ish type antique store in Yucca Valley called Pioneer Crossing Antiques, and in 2001 I started selling collectables on eBay. My eBay name is Escalante sandy.”

“ Creating the Grand Staircase Escalante National Monument totally changes Escalante. It is now yuppieville. Everyone is politically correct, and Mc Mansions are springing up behind every pile of cow shit.”

“ 6 years ago some artist friends and I started the Escalante Canyons Art Festival – Everett Ruess Days. We just finished our best festival yet. I am in charge of the plein air painting competition, and this year we had 114 entries.” Steve Salget (sp) from Salt Lake painted in our first year. I got a nice letter from his lover Lars that he passed away. I don’t know if you knew him. 

“You probably know Ken Sanders, Ken Sanders Rare Books, he is a great supporter of our festival and brings a nice booth full of great antiquities and historical memorabilia each year. He is of course obsessed by the legend of Everett Ruess like I am.”

“ I have three lovely kitties who travel from Utah to California with me twice a year. Business has been pretty good until lately; the recession is hitting my business pretty hard right now.”

“ Again, you remember my life better than I do!  I saw Terry O’Brian 15 or so years ago. Danny still works at Cypress, I guess Char retired two years ago. Still won’t admit she is a lesbian.”

“If you have a gay archive I will give you the two personal letters I got from Spencer W. Homophobe imploring me to date righteous young ladies as a cure to my homosexuality.”

“ What part of town do you live in?”

“Do you remember the notebook you gave of the top 40 songs on the hit parade in 1968 and 1969? I still have it somewhere. Do you want it?

“ I wrote back: Kent, I  realized now why I thought you were the tops so many years ago... I've thought of you a lot because my Cypress College Days were some of the best of my life.  The last time I visited So Cal I was so disappointed how the place had deteriorated... it was brand new when we attended... kind of like we were.

 I hear about Terry O'Brien once in a while after he moved to Utah but sure he'd never remember me.  I saw him once at a Gym in Orange sitting in a hot tub naked with an entourage of young men about 1983.

Do you remember Mr. Reeve the history teacher at Cypress?  He really positively affected my life while I was there and about 1982 when I was cruising an adult bookstore on GG Blvd I saw him but he didn't recognize me.

He solicited me for sex and he was as timid as a mouse the poor thing.  I just couldn't do anything with him because I wanted to remember him as the wonderful professor I had at Cypress and not a trick from an Adult Bookstore. So another poor Mormon closet case.

I joined the Mormon Church in 1972 (curse you and Craig Pugh LOL) and became fanatic and went off to BYU.  I met Elbert Peck there who became editor of Sunstone Magazine and led a very schizophrenic life... trying to be the perfect Mormon Boy while sucking dick in the Harris Fine Art's Building! 

I graduated from BYU in 1974 after taking an advance Hebrew literature class in which I got a D because I never took Hebrew in my life but after going through graduation this basturd religion teacher flunked me for missing too many days .

 It was a summer class and my roommate who was this beautiful Gay kid from West Virginia had come down with MS I was taking him to the hospital.   So I had to go back to school to pick up a 1/2 credit.

 In 1976 I met this cute guy at BYU who I had a torrid affair with until he was picked up by security during the purge of 1976.  He tried to commit suicide by taking an overdose and came to my apartment to die.  I got him to  ER and my Bishop called me in because I was missing too much church and I was so emotionally screwed up I told of my love affair with Larry... so I was disfellowshipped and kicked out of BYU before I could finish my Teaching Credential which they tried to hold up for nearly 5 years.”

“ Feeling pretty worthless I got arrested by Provo police and thrown in jail and I had done nothing but be in the wrong place. So worked for a while at May Co in Costa Mesa before traveling across the country and winding up back in SLC. 

I met a girl while working at the U of U and we got married after about 2 weeks.  We both couldn't get married in the Temple because we both were in a state of disfellowship.  She had an affair with a stake president who was the father of the Bishop that had disfellowshipped me.  True story. 

We both had been disfellowship on the same day my 25th birthday. Anyway Fran was from Minnesota and a big butch German-Norwegian and a lot of fun.  She figured out that I was Gay because her best friend at the U before we met was a Gay guy.

So a year later we were married in the Temple but we couldn't have kids. After a fertility test we discovered that her body acted like a spermicide to me.  If we had other mates we would be fertile but not together! LOL  We were best friends and I worked setting up concerts at the U of U until I fell in love with my boss and we had a spat and I quit. 

Then I worked up in the oil fields of Wyoming and Montana, and in the later in California at U C Irvine as a dormitory cook.  Eventually got a job in Title Insurance to pay the bills. I was emotionally starving and was still in love with John Cunningham who I lost track of for 13 years after he had joined the service in 1972 (one of the reasons I joined the Mormons and left CA).

In 1984 John Cunningham and I reconnected by phone and we talked for several years and I told him how I was Gay and how I had loved him all these years.  We never met and he died in 2007 but I don't know how.  He never married and worked in an all-male fire brigade.

In 1984 I began to realize that I was Gay and not a phase and just had to try and change my life. In 1986 I came out of the closet in SLC helped form an apostate Gay Mormon Church and restarted an Affirmation support group. 

My wife and I separated but we were still best friends and I would set her up on dates with Lesbians LOL.  

I left the Mormon Church by the end of 1986 and got rid of all that baggage. 

I think I was spared from AIDS because I was married during my real slut years which slowed me down. 

I became a Gay activist in SLC went to the March on Washington Elementary in 1987, Created a Utah AIDS Quilt Org, was on KRCL's Concerning Gays and Lesbians for 7 years and wrote for a variety of Gay papers. 

My wife and I divorced in 1988 and I finally had my teacher's certificate and taught in elementary school. I was very active in the building the SLC Gay community from 1986-1997 founding a community center, a Mountain Retreat called Beyond Stonewall, and running several Gay support groups especially Unconditional Support.  Worked with Ben Barr (Roseanne Barr's brother) with the AIDS community.

In 1993 I got into a long term relationship that ended years ago but he finally moved out this last August.  I bought a lot out near the airport where I had to work for the down payment by painting it and landscaping it.  So I feel like a pioneer of sorts because every tree, plant and blade of grass I planted

. I excommunicated the Mormon Church in 1986 but technically I think I am still on their rolls even though I helped founded an Apostate Gay Church, I joined the Quaker Church and formed the Sacred Faeries a Radical Fairy group here in SLC.  They only ex those who still care and I don't care.

But now most of my friends have moved away or have died and for the new generation I am ancient history but I am proud of the journey I've made and the difference I've made in people’s lives. 

In 1991 I received the Kristen Reis Community Service Award which is the highest award the gay community gives out at Pride Day but today I am just the old guy who writes history LOL

 Yes my sex addiction got me in trouble a few times but now I am in the same boat as you unless I am willing to pay for a massage LOL.

 In fact my arrest records is why I am quitting teaching this year because now you have to be fingerprinted to relicense and I don't want to have to do that.  Not after 22 years of teaching.

My dad died in 2003 but my mom is still living down in AZ  with my sister.  I have so little connection with SO CAL anymore.

This year was my 40th Anniversary of HS Grad but had no interest in going now that John is dead. I have diabetes and am rollie poly bear.

I worked with long termers the summer of 1972 at Camp Rogers.  You continued for some time after I left for BYU.

 I transferred there in Jan 1973.  I may remember more then you only because I kept a diary.  I was tramping around Long Beach in 1972 picking up service guys. Please keep in touch Ben

 

10 November 2009 Tuesday

This was my long night for SEP but I did have an hour break to go home and feed the dogs.  Amee Jensen was with me for much of the conferences and really had her eyes open about which parents are truly involved in their kids’ education and who just nod their head.

I got home about 7:30 and saw that Lynn and Norma Chaffin had a big trailer by their house loading up for their move.  We both moved into our houses at the same time in October 1996.  Now I am the oldest residence in this original subdivision.  The Halls behind me are original owners too but they didn’t move in until nearly a year after we did.

 

11 November 2009 Wednesday Veteran’s Day

Shock of all shocks an anti-discrimination law passed in Salt Lake City with the support of the Mormon Church. However, even when the Mormon Church occasionally does the right thing, they have to be nasty about it. "The church supports these ordinances[ anti-discrimination law]," spokesman Michael Otterson told the council, "because they are fair and reasonable and do not do violence to the institution of marriage." Violence to Marriage? They've got to get their kick to the teeth in don't they?

 

12 November 2009 Thursday

So glad SEP conferences are about over... my poor puppies sit in the dark waiting for food.

I wonder if  there is a small revolution brewing within the hierarchy of the Mormon Church between extremists like Packer and more moderates? I for one am willing to compromise over the term marriage and am willing to have a secular Civil Union if it entails all the rights of marriage.

Then we could have civil dissolutions and leave divorce for heteroes. You live long enough you see that all the newspeak being used to justify opposition to equality for Gays is the same rhetoric used to justify opposition to Black Civil Rights... "deeply held religious beliefs, quoting scripture and church authorities, religious persecution " Already the Sutherland Institute is attacking this ordinance by saying it’s the first step towards Gay Marriage in Utah...

 

13 November 2009 Friday

I let Amee Jensen off today so first time since October I’ve actually been back in my class room instructing.  I left right at 1:30 and came home.

I watch a little of Ugly Betty but then went to work in the back yard because it was a beautiful day. I blew the leaves off the grass and stone pavement, put away off the rakes and shovels, and just got the yard ready for winter. 

Stayed home in the evening and watched The Scottsboro Boys a documentary on those black teenagers who were accused of raping a white woman in the 1930’s.

 

14 November 2009 Saturday

It snowed today. Didn’t get the house cleaned like I wanted too because  I went and saw the movie 2012...what a trip! If you love action disaster flicks do not miss this one.

Only thing is the plot line of estrange father having to prove he's the man to his kids and ex has been overdone. I think it must be a divorced dad's Hollywood fantasy of overcoming the feeling of impotency by writing super dad characters...The Day After, World of the Worlds... etc.  It was a 3 hour epic. 

This morning Ben Anderson called from Italy and said they are trying to get all their paperwork done to be back in America by Christmas.

 I made a chicken pot pie for dinner. 

Brandon Burt asked for some help coming up with some ABC’s for the community so I sent him this:

A Is For Affirmation a Utah original whose goal is to give encouragement to Queer Mormons who are struggling with their self-identities.

B is for Bingo which is so fabulous in Utah that we do it twice a month.

C is for Cockers where size 28 Gay boys can find outrageously priced undergarments

D is for Dottie Dixon, our local purveyor of homespun wisdom, champion of Gay rights, and baker of homemade goodies.

E is for Equality Utah dedicated to making civil rights a  reality in Utah

F is for the Frontrunner, making it easier to bar hop in Ogden as well as Salt Lake City…surprisingly not named for the classic Gay Novel

G is for Gilgal Gardens a monument to Joseph Smith as a Sphinx… nothing gayer then that.

H is for the Homophobes in the State Legislature who seriously need an attitude adjustment

I is for the International Peace Gardens at Jordan Park. Where else can you see the Matterhorn in the United States outside of Disneyland?

J is for  The Jordan River Park Way a great way to bike, hike, canoe and cruise in the city.

K is for KRCL founded by a Gay man Stephen Holbrook and committed to giving a forum to the queer community for 30 years.

L is for Lambda Lore a bi-monthly column that dishes the  dirt on local Gay history

M is for the Marmalade District a section of Salt Lake City that is known as the Gayborhood.

N is for Night life which might seem nonexistence to the nay Sayers but it is here.

O is for the open road between Salt Lake City and Wendover Nevada.

P is for the Pride Center which coordinates our Utah Pride Day festivals

Q s for Q Salt Lake the only true alternative newspaper in the state.

R is for the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire which has been supporting AIDS and Breast Cancer Awareness programs for decades

S is for Salt Lake City Weekly the Gayest straight paper in the state

T is for the Temple Squares a square dancing club for not so square Gays U is for the University of Utah’s commitment to providing a forum and safe space for queer young people for 35 years.

V is for Babs Delay seemingly annual sold out Vagina Monologs

W is for Weller’s Bookstore, a Utah institution for the Gay intellectual.

X is for exiting to Wyoming to buy triple XXX porn.

Y is for Brigham Young University a hot bed of hunky closeted Mormons

Z is for Gail Ruzicka the perennial cheerleader for all things Anti-Gay in Utah

 

15 November 2009 Sunday

Mark Anderson nor Mike Romero has spoken or texted me in over a week.  I guess it really doesn’t matter. They are probably in Cheyenne for the weekend.

 I had a restless night, tooth aching, so read some more of Blood of the Prophets until almost 3 a.m. 

Got up around 8 and fixed some coffee and scrambled eggs and toast.  The dogs were anxious to go somewhere so went to Food Savers and bought groceries for the week.  I also made the apples that were getting old into a pineapple and apple pie. I had some canned pineapple left over so mixed it with the sliced apples with a little pumpkin pie spice and just put one crust on the top to cut down on carbs.  It was pretty tasty.

I spent the day scrubbing the house after putting the groceries away.  Did all the dishes and mopped the kitchen and dining room, vacuumed the house, and cleaned the bathroom.  I was busy all day.  Didn’t eat again until 5 and had some more burritos.

I am really tired from all the house cleaning. Sixteen little feet can sure make a place messy and specially when one of the darlings had a dirty butt that I had to scrub the carpets to clean up the spots. 

Mattias Lumaca instant messaged me and said he was excited about coming back to America and said I was nice to let them stay with me. 

The taxes on this place is 1200 dollars this year. They are due 30 November. I hope they were included in my refinancing over it will be tight coming up with the money.

My second cousins Barb and Bev Danforth are driving a U-Haul down from Seattle to Oceanside where they are going to live together and grow old. 

 

16 November 2009 Monday

I went back to work today but about 10 a.m. I started to get stomach cramps and I felt nauseous. Amee Jensen was teaching today so I called Dorothy Pratt to come in and sub for me because I knew I was going to need to be home and on the pot. 

I felt dizzy much of the day and just had some split pea soup and stayed in bed to rest.  I don’t know if it’s the stomach flu or what.  I later called Dorothy to come in tomorrow for me so I can just rest and get over this before my trip next week to Arizona.

 

17 November 2009 Tuesday

I just stayed home and rested trying to get over this bug before next week.  I wrote an article for the Q Salt Lake on Gordon Church’s murder. Read Will Bagley's Blood of the Prophets all the way through. I love reading about cutthroat Mormon Pioneers. Someone peed on my kitchen floor and I know it was not me! Buddy and Smokey are both pointing paws at each other. Sheesh I had just mopped the floor so the house will be clean when they find my dead body.

 

18 November 2009 Wednesday

I went into work and it was really windy. It blew off the leaves off my driveway. Learned that another student is leaving this Friday so I will be down to 20.  I have to mentally prepare myself to take the classroom back.

 

19 November 2009 Thursday

I took off all day because of my dentist appointment.  Amee Jensen said that she had to leave today at 3 and my appointment was at 2:30 so I just had Dorothy Pratt sub for me. 

At the dentist I was kind of grumpy because when I told him that my tooth still was sore he said that sometimes there’s a nerve that can’t be seen beyond the 3 main ones and that maybe I should go see a specialist before the crown is put on. I was really upset and said no just put it on that I had spent enough money on this tooth.  It’s really disappointing after spending over $600 I still have a tooth ache.  Next time I will just have a tooth pulled if the cavity is down to the nerve.  I may have this tooth pulled eventually and that is just throwing money down the toilet. 

Read in the paper that due to budget cuts the Division of Criminal Background Checks might not have staff enough to really do checks on state employees.  So maybe I will just have to have a wait and see in June.

Lawmaker Chris Buttars has done a turnaround because of the Church’s support of the anti-discrimination laws in SLC, he says now he’ll sponsor a state wide one next year.

 

20 November 2009 Friday

I went into work today to see Amee Jensen and that she has everything that she will need for next week. Tuesday is her official last day but I won’t be there.  She gave me an Applebee’s Gift card for $25 and stupid me all I could think about was spending it on Mark and Mike Romero even though they never call nor text me anymore.

Cleaned the house some and Darren Solomon came over at 6:30 to go with me to the Third Friday Bingo.  Becky Moss was all dressed up as a drag queen and Courtney was a Thanksgiving Banquet. He’s so creative. Mark Swonson was dressed up for the latter half for charity in drag.

The cause tonight was the Utah Stonewall Democrats and $1100 was raised for them.  It was a fun night but by 9 I was yawning. Darren wanted to come in to cuddle and since he was nice enough to say he’d take me to the airport next week I thought I should try and be nice too  but I was really tired and was falling asleep. 

 

21 November 2009 Saturday

The U.S. Senate agreed to let the Health Bill come to the floor for a debate. I worked mostly down stairs going through my boxes of personal papers like old letters and the like for much of the day.  It’s a mess down stairs and I don’t know where to put it all.

            One of the reasons I was tearing up the down stairs is because I wanted to find my cousin Kay’s old letters and give them to her when I see her next week. Cleaning up some old boxes came across a BYU 41st Branch picture book and saw that Lynette Malmstrom and I were in the same Branch back in 1976 Hahahaha... So I wasn't the only Gay person there. Lynette is the partner of LaDonna Moore who was E D of the Utah AIDS Foundation after Ben Barr... Small World.

I called Mark Andersen today because I noticed he had called yesterday.  He said he was just trying to get a hold of Mike Romero. He didn’t bother asking about how things been. He’s settled in at Mike Romero’s and I am just yesterday’s news.  I wish Mike Romero would at least come by and see the dogs. It’s been two weeks. 

I watched a documentary “Coming Out Under Fire” about Gays during WWII. 

 

22 November 2009 Sunday

It snowed this afternoon which kind of surprised me because when I took the dogs out around 3:00 it looked more like rain then snow.  I scanned in some more of my Journal from 1968 and worked on cleaning out the downstairs basement.  I want everything out of there so I can paint and also so that Mattias Lumaca and Ben Anderson can use it for a study and to store things.  That was a big chore. I put a lot underneath the stairs and brought a lot upstairs.  Not sure where it will all go.

I received another disc on Ugly Betty the last of Season 3 and watched a couple of episodes before feeding the dogs and watching the Simpsons and the other Fox cartoons. 

On Fox 13 news they had a segment on the Radio City Lounge and interviewed Rose Carrier, Joe Redburn, and Michael Aaron.  They did a nice job. 

Smokey sure has been growly at Buddy lately. Not sure if he’s not feeling well or he’s just missing Michael.  It pisses me off that Mike Romero doesn’t come over and spend some time with this old dog.  It kind of hurts that they have just kind of written me off but poor Smokey must be dealing with some abandonment issues.

I dug out a bunch of old letters that my cousin Kay wrote me when we were teens... Let's just say it was before we landed on the moon and leave it at that. Going to give them to her at Thanksgiving for her grandkids to read what a goof she was ha! Oh wait that means I was a goof too. Oh well. I have piles of old letters from over the years. Nobody writes anymore.

 

23 November 2009 Monday

I am pooped...spent three days cleaning out the basement and cleaning house for my trip tomorrow to Arizona for the holidays. I hate to come home to a dirty house.

Singer  Adam Lambert kissed a boy on TV Hahahaha...It's the end of the world as we know it.  Spent much of the day getting ready for my flight tomorrow.

 

24 November 2009 Tuesday

Left Salt Lake City this morning after getting up at 5:30.  I called Darren Solomon to wake him up and he was over here by 6:15.  I brought all of mom’s music CD’s packed in my backpack which made it really hard to carry.  I also packed her little ceramic bull she made with Jean Horan, and I packed a belt that had dad’s silver dollar belt buckle on it to give to Denise. What I had laid out and had forgotten to pack was Kay’s letters! It’s always something. 

Anyway security was light and I was traveling light so didn’t have to wait long. The flight started to board about 6:45 and we took off right on time at 7:15.  It was a quick flight. About an hour and half. 

Cody, Denise’s girlfriend, was there to pick me up and she drove me to San Tan Valley about 40  minutes southeast of Phoenix.  Mom’s house is a light tan stucco house with a tile roof and inside it was pretty big.

 It was good to see mom even if she’s getting all crippled up.  Charline had put on a lot of weight and Dennis looked frazzled from living with too old women barking at him all the time. 

Mom was happy to have her CD’s back and when they went off to the doctors I took a nap.  It was a pretty day in Phoenix but I missed having a vehicle and kind of felt trapped.  So used to my own independence and of course I was really missing the dogs today.

 

25 November 2009 Wednesday

My uncle JW and cousin Kay and her husband John Campbell came in today about 3 in the afternoon.  It was so good to see them. I forgot how much I really loved my cousin.

 I made a banana pudding today to keep busy until the relatives came in and then it was just visit, visit, visit.  Kay wanted to go to Jack In the Box for dinner so I jumped at the chance to get out of the house and went with her and John. We had a nice little visit just us.

 In the evening I was packed off to Denise and Cody’s house with Charline and Dennis, because they went to Tucson to have dinner with Cody’s dad and Nathan went by bus up to Flagstaff to stay with his dad over Thanksgiving break. 

I actually slept better at Denise’s but then I was also really missing my dogs and hoping that they were being feed and not too lonesome.

 

26 November 2009 Thursday Thanksgiving

Had the joy of cooking Thanksgiving Dinner for my mom, her brother, my cousin and her husband, my sister and her husband, my niece and her lover...

Arizona 80 degrees...Happy Thanksgiving everyone... Unbutton you top button on your pants and be grateful we live in a land of plenty.

Charline and I came back over to the house at 7:00 this morning so we could start getting dinner ready. Charline fixed the turkey but after that I pretty much threw it all together.

 I made the dressing, homemade cranberry sauce, baked yams in a sweeten glaze, peas and carrots, potatoes and gravy.  We had store bought rolls and Charline also made a Jell-O type marshmallow dessert.  There were 10 of us for dinner. 

After we had our fill, football was watched and in the evening the dominoes were brought out and JW beat the tar out of us every time. He’s a wizard.

 It really was a nice Thanksgiving being with the folks and Mark Andersen even texted me some pictures of the dogs.  We all called it an evening about 9 because the Texas gang was leaving out early tomorrow and I was leaving for home also.

 

27 November 2009 Friday

Denise Wachs took me to the airport this time and I left Phoenix at 11:15 and got home by 1:00 in the afternoon. Back in the valley after spending a wonderful time with my cousin Kay I haven't seen in nearly 15 years. Arizona was 80 degrees and clear skies and I fly home to this junky air...I hope a storm blows through.

Darren Solomon was right there to pick me up. I don’t know who was more excited to see each other me or the dogs. Happy Black Friday everyone...hope you aren't in the red now.

 

28 November 2009 Saturday

I worked all day putting up Xmas decorations. Put a tree in the front window and one in the big  entertainment room and lights on the porch. I recommend all my young friends who haven't watch Harold and Maud yet do so... I just finished watching it again on my old VHS copy....One of the best films of all time...

Christmas lights are up, decorations are out, and the tree is lit... I think I will go join my tree.

I'm so sadden and disturbed by the death of that young man in the Nutty Putty Cave. In 1986 some of us from Affirmation made an excursion into the cave and I had never been so claustrophobic is my life. Just can' imagine what he must have been thinking as he laid there wedged in for 24 hours. So sad.

 

29 November 2009 Sunday

I went up to Walmart in Centerville and bought some Xmas lights and some other things. Took the dogs with me for a ride.  I found horehound candy at Family Dollar Tree! Yippee! I bought three bags of it. I love horehound’s (and whorehounds buts that another kind of candy). I also bought some ribbon candy. I can't stand the stuff but I put it out any ways like a shrine to my grandmothers who loved it.

After coming home and stringing up the lights on the porch I got everything the way I wanted.  Then stayed home and watched “Fortune and Men’s Eyes” again and just rested up for tomorrow. It was a fairly warm day to be working outside. 

Today was my cuz Stephanie Williams’ birthday and my 1^st Cousin once removed Chris Johnson’s birthday.

 It's the 35th Anniversary of the Phantom of the Paradise! I watched it tonight on VHS it comes out tomorrow in France on Blu-Ray... It's so campy and fun and the music is great! Faust, Picture of Dorian Grey, Phantom of the Opera all rolled into one.

 

30 November 2009 Monday

Went back to work and I wasn’t very prepared. Amee Jensen is gone and I hadn’t really planned anything. Dorothy Pratt came in this morning and we talked. She said everything went okay. Our school secretary Judy Winegar asked if I was going to the Christmas Party this Friday and I said sure and I paid my $11.

I went to the store after work to get some dog food and I bought a poinsettia. I was worried today that I would have to pay taxes on the house today but when I checked the site it said I didn’t have to. Thank goodness. It was $1220.

 

DECEMBER

1 December 2009 Tuesday

Today is my nephew James’ 41^st birthday. I hope he gets to move to Arizona to be closer to his mother, sister, and grandma. It’s also World’s AIDS Day. No one really knows the price of AIDS which truly should be calculated in the gifted, talented and creative souls lost to our community. Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by ghosts of friends gone too soon. Keeping their histories is the price I pay for surviving my friends. FLAMEE ON YOU FABULOUS SOULS.

 I went to bed yesterday really early about 8:30 but still had a restless night because Buddy was restless. 

Nothing new at school to report. The kids are getting a bit restless but then they always do as Christmas looms on the horizon. I bought a pizza after school for dinner but it’s starting to back up on me.  Acid reflex.  There’s so many things that I am starting to have to avoid. I guess pizza is one of them.

 I watched Sasha Baron Cohen’s “Bruno” some tonight. Even though I think he’s a very talented performers I really don’t like his brand of shock humor.  Heard Scott McCoy is resigning his Utah senate seat and the city of Washington DC voted to allow Gay marriage. Obama wants to send 30,000 troop to Afghanistan but do a withdraw in 18 months.

 

2 December 2009 Wednesday

It was cold in my class all day.  I am getting used to being back in charge again. Mark Andersen and Mike Romero texted me and wanted me to be home by 4 because Tiffany was supposed to bring Zoe, Marks dog to him by dropping it off.  She never did but kept me waiting all evening and Mark never called me to tell me what happened.

I wrote an article for QSalt Lake on AIDS this evening and watched a dumb movie “Tropic Thunder” which I finally turned off and went to bed.  My neck and shoulder is still really sore. Went to bed with a heating pad and muscle rub.

 

3 December 2009 Thursday

Shoulders still hurting. I made some Minestrone soup.  Went to Sutherlands and bought a new stopper for the toilet tank. It broke this morning.

 

4 December 2009 Friday

Still have a sore neck and shoulders. Feels like bursitis.  School was okay but the kids are getting antsy. I brought Dorothy Pratt some Minestrone soup I had made.  

We made our paper Christmas bells for the play today. After school let out, at 2:00 Washington Elementary had it’s Christmas Party at the Joy Luck Chinese place just down the street.  It cost $11 and I imagine there were 20 people there or more so the joint made some money off of us. I only went because Judy Winegar asked if I would so this other guy wouldn’t be the only one there but he didn’t show up anyway.

I went to Deseret Industries right afterwards and found some button up sweaters and a nice warm pull over sweat shirt now that the weather is really changing and getting cold. It’s been in the 20’s during the day.

 In the evening watch “40 year old virgin” but it was awful so turned it off.  Not worth wasting my time or the bulb on it.  Mark Andersen commented that he didn’t get Audrey for the weekend and I guess Tiffany never brought Zoey up either.

 

5 December 2009 Saturday

It snowed some today. I gave Daisy a haircut and bath today. I don’t think she was feeling good and really didn’t want to be picked up. I think it’s from her weight.

I made some Christmas cookies today. I made Whiskey balls, Chocolate Rum balls, and Snicker doodles.  I bought all these little cookie tins that I am filling up to give as gifts. 

I watched Grease today. I hadn’t seen it in a while. I also mailed off some of Kay’s letter back to her. Don’t feel like I got much accomplished but I know I did.

Ben Anderson called and said he and Mattia Lumaca will be coming January 8^th next year.  Anything earlier was too expensive, over $4000 each.  I am hoping that with Mattias here to entertain Ben, things will work out okay and besides I may need the money. 

In the evening I called mom and we talked for about an hour. Charline had Denise and Nathan come over to decorate the tree and hang Christmas lights. I tried going to bed early at 8:30 and I read some from “Wicked”. I really am not getting into that book. I hope it picks up.

 

6 December 2009 Sunday

The house is a wreck. Well kind of. It needs vacuuming and straightening up.  Buddy and Smokey were at it almost all night so finally went into the TV room to get some sleep but never felt really rested.

It snowed some more last night so the driveway and sidewalks need shoveling.

I wanted to do some shopping early this morning before crazy people get on the roads and went to Wal-Mart and Target to get some more ingredients to make some more goodies.

Also I bought Audrey Andersen a gift. It’s an attachment for fastening rhinestones on to clothes. I know she likes sparkly things. 

Came home about 10 a.m. snow plowed the sidewalks and driveway. Then I fixed a good breakfast of French toast, bacon, and coffee. I spent much of the rest of the day giving Buddy a haircut and cleaning house.

 Darren Solomon dropped by in the late afternoon while I was cleaning and I stopped to visit but I really wanted to finish up cleaning.  Mom called me again in the evening to visit some more.

 

7 December 2009 Monday

Really cold today. Somewhere around 25 degrees.  Learned I am getting a new student on Wednesday. That’s okay because I only have 20 right now. 

I made some corned beef and cabbage for supper and texted Mark Andersen to come over after work to pick up his mail and have some supper. Thought he’d might like something hot after being in the cold all day. 

I didn’t hear anything back from him until he showed up about 7:30.  He picked up his mail but said he’d eat with Mike Romero which made me really know it’s over between the three of us no matter how much Mark pretends it’s not. He said that if we get a bad snow to call him early and he’d come over and plow my walks. That’s never going to happen. 

I did tell him that Mike Romero needs to spend some time with Smokey because he’s thinking he’s been abandoned and is moping but I doubt whether he will.  He’s moved on from Fernleaf Street. Wish they would put in a change of address form. 

I think over Xmas break I am going to tell them it’s time to get their stuff and move on.

 

8 December 2009 Tuesday

What a bugger of a commute today. It snowed more last night and shoveling my driveway, my 14 year old shovel finally broke but the snow was light enough to actually sweep with a push broom. 

But traffic was treacherous because the roads were sill snow packed and icy.  It took me 40 minutes for a usually 15 minute commute. 

Bitterly cold today with the high only about 17 degrees. Nasty cold.

Kids getting their pre-Xmas antsyness. 

Left school early to miss any traffic problems but the roads were pretty good coming home. Saw the new neighbor Peter Nash  shoveling the sidewalks in front of Norma’s old house.

Had a carne asada burrito and rice for supper tonight and watched “In and Out” with Kevin Kline and Debbie Reynolds.  The movie I had gotten from Netflix was cracked. 

It's easy to love the snow in a warm house in a comfy chair wrapped in a fuzzy blanket drinking hot spice tea with three dogs at your feet asleep.

Played  a little on Facebook and then went to bed fairly early.

Copenhagen Climate Conference is going on but they are speculating that it’s too late to do much about global warm in now.

 

9 December 2009 Wednesday

Bitter cold. High was only 25 degrees. Kids stayed inside because too cold to go out.

 

10 December 2009 Thursday

Theres a scandal regarding the wholesome image of Tiger Wood. I thought he would of all people know in golf there's only 18 holes. I Think his parents condemned him to a life time of being a man whore by naming him tiger wood in the 1st place

 

11 December 2009 Friday

On the way to work I watched the temperature gage in my car drop to 4 degrees on Redwood Road and I-215. It bounced back up to 9 at school.  Too cold to do anything but try and stay warm.

 

12 December 2009 Saturday

Heat wave we are up to 24 this morning compared to 4 yesterday! Forget dreaming of a White Christmas I am dreaming of a hot sauna where these old bones can bake surrounded by the smell of cedar and may be eucalyptus... but alas in Utah it's just a dream.

 It was warmer today but still cold. I watched the rest of “Mad Men and returned it and Reaper.  I made chocolate covered peanut butter balls today  I also drove by Mike Romero’s place to get his address. I’ve decide to just forward his and Mark’s crap rather than simply have it pile up. His address is 426 N. Hodges Lane, SLC, Ut 84116.

 

13 December 2009 Sunday

I gave Smokey a trim today. He acted like he needed sprucing up. Watched Albert Finney’s “Scrooge” as I made fudge today and tried to clean house.  It warmed up finally and actually rained a little this morning and then snowed. I shoveled the driveway and walks and it was slushing from melting. 

Still putting my 1968 journal onto my hard drive. I also looked up some information of John Griggs who was married to my neighbor’s daughter Carol Horan and who was one of the largest drug pushers in Southern California. He and Mike Randall formed a church where LSD was the sacrament and Timothy Leary hung out.  I use to babysit for Carol and John when they were surfers before becoming hippies.

 

14 December 2009 Monday

I Dreamed last night that Madonna bought a house on the Great Salt Lake shore and invited me over but unbeknownst to us it was located on a polygamist compound who kidnapped me and made me instruct their children while living in squalor... I wonder if I have lived in Utah too long.

 

15 December 2009 Tuesday

Finished up my column for the Q Salt Lake this morning and sent it to Joselle Vanderhoof. It’s called Oh My Gay Lord.

 

16 December 2009 Wednesday

Just finished sending a Xmas card and letter to Buddy Husky an old friend in Texas I haven't seen in 38 years. He was a young cowboy I hung around with when I was a teenager. He was engaged to my sister and I had the biggest crush on him. I wonder if it will shock him to receive it as it was for me to decide to write it. He was ...22 the last I saw him and now he's 60. Going down memory lane I suppose.

 

17 December 2009 Thursday

I started my Christmas Vacation early by having Amee Jensen work for me today and I am having Dorothy work for me tomorrow. There's no such thing as "No Fail" fudge.... I guess I can spoon it over ice cream. The rest of the treats turned out well so I just microwaved the fudge longer then added rice krispies to them and they finally set up.

 

18 December 2009 Friday

I went down to the Pride Center on Third West to meet Jeremy Yamashiro and to give the candies I made for him and David Alder and a bunch of books I’ve had for a long time that need to be passed on.

I went to Ruby Ridges Matrons of Mayhem Bingo tonight.  I wanted to get Kim Burningham’s petition signed for the ethical Reform initiative and I got all 20 signatures done for him.

Heard from mark Swonson that Jim Dabakis is considering running against Blue Dog Matheson. There was a Big Crowd at Ruby Ridge's Matron of Mayhem Bingo and I won the 1st Bingo and got to draw a prize from Chevy's chest while dressed like Santa and I got my Ethic Reform Citizen Initiative Petition Book all signed Wohoo!

I Sat with Erick Myers who's over from Belgium, Becky Moss, Dan Fahndrich and some woman who wouldn't sign my petition even though I was wearing a Santa Hat! She's on my naughty list.

 

19 December 2009 Saturday

I worked my tail off cleaning the house for the movie party. Finished all the treats and then made clam chowder, baked an ham, made some candied pecan yams and cut up veggies and dip.  Courtney Moser and Tim Keller were the only ones here for a while then later Paul Jannsen from Logan showed up.

We watched the Ritz and Charles Pierce and ate had clam chowder, ham, glazed pecan yams, veggies and dip and enough homemade treats to send me into a coma.

I forgot how nice it is to entertain and have good conversations. It was especially nice to get a phone call from Ben McAdams’ mom Susan saying he won the state senate seat. Yay!

 I have my work cut out for me. I had a 21 year old at the party and he didn't know who Mae West, Tallulah Bankhead, or Barbara Stanwyck were... see what losing a generation of Gay men has done! A loss of continuity! And all the musical theater references right over his head! We need a “Camp 101” course for emerging young Gays! What is to become of this generation whose defining film is "Another Gay Movie?"

 

20 December 2009 Sunday

Mark Andersen called this morning to see if I wanted to go out for breakfast. I said sure but also brought Chuck Whyte along. We went to Jim’s on 39^th. I gave Michael the small Schnauzer Puppy Calendar that Mom sent me yesterday.

After wards I took Chuck around to do some of his Christmas Shopping. He bought me a double headed dildo from Cahoots.

Mike Romero, Mark, and Audrey came over today and I served them the left overs from yesterday of which there were tons.  Mike Romero asked me to come over Christmas eve which kind of stunned me. 

Susan McAdam’s so Ben McAdams was chosen by Democrats to replace Scott McCoy in the State Senate.

 

21 December 2009 Monday

Winter officially begins today. I wanted to paint down stairs but actually just worked on my Journal from 1968 scanning it into my hard drive. I got a Christmas Card from Faye and Bill Romero with $50 in it.

 

22 December 2009 Tuesday

Had every intentions of painting to day but only got as far as arranging the room.  I spent much of the day researching Frances Ann Williams Griess’ husband’s family tree for their daughter Alyssa. 

I made Chili Verde to bring over Christmas Eve to Mark Andersen and Mike Romero’s.  I’ve been living on beef stew I made yesterday.

The Great Arnold Stang died. Eat a Chunky Candy Bar and watch Top Cat or It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World to see a genius at work.

 

23 December 2009 Wednesday

I finally got the ambition to start painting the down stairs bedroom the same butter yellow that I painted the upstairs bathroom. 

I played on the computer much of the morning mostly checking Facebook and finishing up scanning my journal from 1968.

I went to Apollo’s and got a Reuben sandwich and fries for dinner and watched “Taking Woodstock”, Ang Lee’s telling of the Woodstock Music festival from 1969.  It sure brought me back to a different time and a different era.

 

24 December 2009 Thursday

I am a little melancholy tonight. I left Mike Romero’s place at 10pm to be home with the dogs. Mark was still working so I didn’t get to see him to wish him a merry Christmas. Tom Folk and Chuck Whyte was over at Mike Romero’s but I wasn’t in the mood to be cheery.

 Earlier about 4 pm after working all day painting downstairs I brought Smokey and Buddy and the chili Verde over to Hodges Lane.  Mike Romero said that Mark wouldn’t be home until 7 or 8.  Off handedly Mike Romero mentioned how Mark Andersen sleeps with him now more than in his own bed and for some reason that sent a little ping to my heart.  I feel so shut out of their lives now. Well I guess that is to be expected. I

 left to take the dogs home and feed them then I went back over about 7 and only Mike Romero and I were there. He put on “Julie and Julia” to watch and later Tom showed up.  The more I was over at Mike Romero’s place the more I felt like an intruder.

 My little time with them is over and I need to let go and move on with my life.  But still my heart is sad and melancholy this Christmas eve.  This morning the Senate Democrats passed their version of a health care bill.

 

25 December 2009 Friday

It was a beautiful clear Christmas morning but by the afternoon the inversion started to come back. Darren Solomon invited me over to his mom’s for Christmas dinner. It was kind of a buffet of different salads. The most unusual but tasty was a Sauerkraut Salad.  I would like Darren more if I could talk to him but I hate pulling a conversation out of him. I am to egregious for that. So I ended up mainly talking to his lover Merrill and his mom and her friend.

I had him take me home at 4 so I could spend the rest of the day with my hounds.  I guess Mike Romero and Mark are on their way to Vegas.

 I called his mom Faye Romero who just got in from Fort Collins before a blizzard shut down I-80 through Wyoming.  I thanked her for the card and money.  She said that Mike Romero has never given them his new address. I offered to give it to him but she didn’t want to know it unless he gives it to her. So I stayed out of it.  Did say he seemed to be happier in his new place with Mark.

 I also called my mom. My nephew James Clark and his wife Rachel got in late about midnight from California and they were just fixing dinner about 4:30.  Mom says she wants a contact number for someone up here in case she doesn’t hear from me. She’s worried I am going to die alone with this diabetes and no longer will be here to tell her.  I don’t know who to give to her.  Everyone is moved away.  I guess I should give her Mike Romeros or Mark Andersen but I really want to end it with them with the New Year.

 Ben Anderson and Mattias Lumaca will be here in January so I will let them know to call mom if anything happens to be.

I watched another episode of “Reaper” which is kind of cute. It’s a series were this guy’s parents sold his soul to the devil and now he has to hunt escapees from hell and return them back there.

 

26 December 2009 Saturday

Had the strangest dream about being back at the old place in Brea where my family use to attend Church. There was a pot luck going on and I was telling people how I use to attend church here and was describing how it used to look.

I worked in the basement almost exclusively today before going to bed and watching a Gay movie called “Make the Yuletide Gay” which was awfully cute. My dad died six years ago. 

 

27 December 2009 Sunday

I worked my ass of the first half of the day finishing up the downstairs bedroom. Because I never really finished the trim years ago that was what was slowing me down getting the room painted. 

I painted three walls a butter yellow and the 4^th wall a goldenrod color. I painted the ledge board a forest green and also some of the furniture to match. About 1:30 I had a surprised drop in by Tim Keller and Cy Martz who wanted me to go with them to Chuck A Rama for lunch and I said sure.

We picked up another kid named DJ and Paul Janssen met us there. Cy Martz works for Harrah’s corp. in Las Vegas and he treated us to lunch.  We had a good time and it was really fun being around Gay people and enjoying queer energy.  We stayed and gabbed for about 3 hours and then went over to Barnes and Nobles in Sugar House to just hang out and cruise before I had Paul take me home to feed the dogs. They invited me to go see “the Road” but I declined. It was time to stay home and unwind but it was a fun day.

 

28 December 2009 Monday

I got a letter today from the state saying I must be fingerprinted within 30 days because my arrest record was finally brought out.  I knew this day was coming.  I am scared and sick at heart.

I wrote Ben Anderson saying: I am really depressed right now. I just opened a letter from the state saying I have to be finger printed by Jan 30 because they found an arrest record for me. I knew this day was coming and I had hoped that I could just finish out the year but I am afraid I might lose my job in February. 

I am so frightened right now so worried about how I can take care of my puppies and keep up the house payment.  I haven't had to look for work in 22 years and I am afraid at my age it isn't going to be easy especially since so many people are out of work. 

I just feel so alone and scared and having to confront people over my arrest record that was so long ago. 

I am really depressed right now and just need someone to hold me and say everything will be okay but I feel just so alone.

Feel like climbing into bed and never coming out again. Part of me says I have resources and some savings and not be so frightened but I can't help it. 

I can handle losing my career but not my house if only for my puppies. They depend on me for everything.  But who can I depend on?

I spent much of life taking care of other people that now I don't have the means to take care of myself. Well I will figure it out somehow. Like you I am a survivor but I wonder sometimes what for? 

Sorry for blubbering but it really was a shock to open that letter and have to deal with a weight I had been carrying for 22 years.

 

29 December 2009 Tuesday

Hardly could get out of bed today. Just a dark cloud of depression hung over me. I did create a new resume and sent out feelers into the job market making connections with people that might be able to help.  So afraid of losing my house and my dogs. Almost seem paralyzed by fear. Isn’t that what Roosevelt said that we have nothing to fear but fear itself?

 Ben Anderson called in the evening and reassured me that everything will be okay and get those dark thought out of my head. 

The weather isn’t helping any with this awful inversion.  Had to snow blow the driveway and sidewalks. 

Mark Andersen has been working very long hours still and promised that he’d come over to see me and give me a hug.

 

30 December 2009 Wednesday

Coming out of my depression some today. Still feel like I have been hit with a brick.  I spent most of the day rewriting and researching the history of Luke Johnson to send to John Johnson’s son Chris.  We have become reacquainted through our Facebook accounts.

 

31 December 2009 Thursday.

Spent the morning cleaning my house that I haven’t had the energy to do for a couple of days because of the black depression I was under but I had invited Darren Solomon over tonight to watch some movies so I also made some of Grandpa’s Texas chili. Mom wanted the recipe so I emailed Charline a copy of it and then called her to make sure she looks at her email.  I guess they are all down with the crud and mom has a sore throat so I didn’t talk to her. 

Chuck Whyte called needing a ride and I said I would go down and pick him up from work. He works at ICU in Murray. He was beat from work and wanted me to take him grocery shopping so we did at Fresh Market place which is the old Albertson’s.

 I had been invited by Courtney Moser and Tim Keller to go to Crystal Hot Springs in Idaho tomorrow for New Year’s but I declined because I knew I’d be awful company and I really didn’t want to travel that far with the weather being iffy. 

It snowed again last night and I had to use the snow blower again.  I sent Mark  Andersen a text saying Happy New Years and he responded back but I really think I am done with that relationship. 

Knowing how upset I am over this fingerprinting crap neither one of them could be bothered with me.

 Anyway Darren Solomon came over about  6:30. He said Merrill wasn’t feeling well because I had invited him over also.  I guess I hadn’t needed to bother with the chili because Darren said he had been having bad heart burn lately so I just gave him some Sprite and crackers although we did eat some popcorn while watching the movies.

 I figured that Darren was more of a John Wayne kind of guy so we watched Stage Coach and True Grit which I was surprised that he hadn’t seen either one of them but he really enjoyed them.

 We snuggled up with the hounds all curled up with us.  Darren said he had been having some chest pains. I know he doesn’t go to the doctors probably can’t afford it so I hope he’s okay.  He left about 10:30 and I went to bed with the hounds and watched a little Instant Netflix until dropping off. At midnight woke to the sounds of lots of fireworks going off.

Well another year has gone by and actually another decade. The Aughts were a difficult time starting with election of George Bush, 9/11, the War in Iran and Afghanistan and the financial collapse of the American Housing Market which nearly brought down America’s financial Institutions.

 I did okay financially during the decade working for the Davis School District although I switch schools from Orchard to Washington Elementary.  My dad died in 2003 and John Cunningham died in 2007 as well as Chad Keller and Kathy Worthington.  The Giles moved away in 2007 leaving me with little emotional support in my life and no one left I could really rely on.

            This has been a year of change for me too.  Mike Romero moved out in August after buying a townhouse leaving me on my own after 16 years but actually the relationship had been dead since Saffy died. 

Mark Andersen moved in with him and while they said they would still be there for me in actuality they were done with me. That’s been hard.

So in all reality by the end of 2009 I feel very emotionally and financially vulnerable.  

Thank god Ben Anderson and Mattias Lumaca are coming home.  Who knows what the new year will bring. I guess I will face it or die.