Winter 1st Quarter Journal 1972 January-March

 

My Journal from 1972 When I was 20 and 21 Years old

Preface

I spent most of 1972 dealing with suppressing my homosexual feelings with a religious fervor that by the end of the year had all but consumed me. I went from being an enigmatic Christian believer within the Church of Christ to a religious fanatic in the Mormon Church.

 The Church of Christ’s plain message of “speak where the bible speaks” doctrine, in which belief I was raised, was abandoned. I became a zealous convert to Mormonism due to the need of a structure in which that I could channel my fervent desire for God to cure me of my homosexuality.

            What I wanted and actually needed was to be a new person; even so much so that I changed my name from Edgar to “Ben” which in Hebrew means son .

I held onto a belief that by striving to be God’s perfect devotee I could overcome my burgeoning  sexuality of which I had mainly been expressed platonically with other youths to which I was attracted.

 A failed and futile attempt to come out as Gay in the fall and winter of 1971 had left me heartbroken and even more determined not to be a homosexual. However much of 1972 would be played out by how I was disconnected from my sexuality and my spirituality.

When I wasn’t trying to understand God’s will for me, I was either roaming the second-floor hall of the Fine Arts Building at Cal-State Fullerton, watching young men secret themselves into the men’s lavatory. Eventually the temptation to obtain the knowledge of the mysteries that occurred in there, led me to become a frequent participant. It was quick and anonymous sex, made possible by the belief that it was something I did, not who I was, and that I could repent of such actions.

            Eventually in the fall of my senior year at Cal State Fullerton, I had left campus sex to also explore the night filled streets of Long Beach which was filled at the time with sex arcades and young sailors looking for relief from boredom. I often was the source of their relief.

            I never wrote about these sexcapades in my journal, barely recognizing that it was me who was going out after midnight to prowl the sidewalks of Long Beach. There are so many gaps in my journal from either not wanting to write about my cruising adventures or simply because my life was so empty at the time of having no close friends and any meaning.

Also, which is really hard to explain, during the fall of 1972, I started having what is commonly known as Automatic Writing or “spirit writing.” I felt as if I was contacted by ancient entity guides that dictated, using my own handwriting and subconscious mind, a gnostic text of the Gospel of St. Peter and the Lost Book of the Jaredites. This writing consumed much of my spirituality when at the same time I was attracted to a church that believed in hidden books that had been revealed by the power of God.

            To fill in some of the gaps in my journal I tried to make an Memoir addendum  of what I remember from my youth but never wrote down at the time.

            In the end I had devoted myself in 1972 to the mysteries of Mormonism as I grappled with being a young man with strong sexual urges but also without any direction or purpose. I had abandoned any interest in college as I substituted my passion for unattainable John Cunningham for the unattainable Jesus Christ of Mormonism.

Journal

My name is Edgar Hugh Williams Jr. which is my given name that my parents bestowed upon me. My real name as revealed to is Ben meaning son. I live at 3300 Palm  Drive Apartment 331 in Fullerton California . I have lived here since December 12, 1971 . I am a student at Cal State Fullerton  presently, a Junior carrying 9 units. I am not at the present time employed although I soon hope to be. I am the son of Edgar Williams and Wilma June Williams who live at 11562 Dale Street in Garden Grove. I have two sisters, one is 24-year-old, married and has two children named James Edgar and Denise Elizabeth. My married sister’s name is Charline Wachs married to Dennis Lee Wachs, my other sister is Donna Faye Pierce who is divorced and a student at Cypress College.

I am 20 years old and a history major. I am a member of the Garden Grove Historical Society, the Orange County Historical Society, and a Patron of the Cal State Fullerton Library.

Of my friends that will be most often mentioned this year  are Jim Dalton, Karen Gramsted, Pamela Huskey, Phyllis Lewis, Ralph and Brenda Ludders, Jerry Smith, Gordon Townsend, and Rich, Monte, and Tammi Ventura, and my cousin Larry Fagan. Let’s see if this year proves me right or wrong.

I lived until December 12^th at Othry Hall 601 Titan Drive Room 123 until I encountered difficulties with my roommates. Jim Dalton, one of my former roommate  had intended moving out with me to the apartments in Sycamore Village at 3201 Yorba Boulevard on the corner of Bradford. I rented a 1-bedroom unfurnished apartment  with a shag carpet, but the complex had a sauna, a swimming pool. Differences in our life styles and the objection of his girlfriend so far has prevented  this from happening.

Most of my friends are former dormitory  kids I have met over the past  few months any way. Jim happens to be one of them.

Carly Simon has a song out right now  called Anticipation with the lyrics,  “We can never know about the days to come but we think about them anyway and I wonder if I'm really with you now or just chasing after some finer day. And tomorrow we might not be together I'm no prophet, Lord, I don't know nature's ways, so I'll try, see into your eyes right now and stay right here 'cause these are the good old days.”

I wonder if these are the good old days.

This poem of Shakespeare’s relates how I feel about  Jim. “Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed, the dear repose for limbs with travel tired but then begins a journey in my head to work my mind  when body’s works expired. For then my thoughts, from far where I abide Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee and keep my drooping eyelids open wide Looking on darkness which the blind do see. Save that my soul’s imaginary sight Presents thy shadow to my sightless view Which like a jewel hung in ghastly night Makes black night beauteous and her old face new. Lo thus by day my limbs, by night  my mind, For thee and or myself no quiet find.

JANUARY

1 January 1972 Saturday

After a midnight New Year’s Eve celebration at Phyllis Lewis party in Glendale we all sat in the front room and stayed up until 2 in the morning merry making. Karen Gramsted was the only party pooper by having gotten sick from the booze and had to lay down.

After 2 we all spread out in our sleeping bags and blankets on the carpet and tried to get some sleep. However, it was ridiculous to try because almost like at a 7^th graders first slumber party, everybody including myself at one point or another was laughing or doing something to keep the kids giggling. Finally, around 4:30 I was able to doze off  but at 7, Tammi Ventura and my sister Donna woke everyone up  to watch the Rose Bowl Parade. Everyone could have killed them. We had every intention of going to the Rose Bowl parade that was just a few blocks from Phyllis house, but we were all too exhausted and hung over to attempt it.

We watched anyway drowsily on TV and ate the breakfast Donna had fixed of scrambled eggs and green chilis. She and her boyfriend Don  had to leave before 10:30  and Karen Gramsted and my cousin Larry Fagan left together at noon.

It was a nice party  all in all, but I was so tired and only wanted to get home to Fullerton. Laura Edmunson and Gordon Townsend came with me back to the apartment  at 2 in the afternoon. Then Laura left to go home to Covina. Gordon will stay with me until the dorms at Othry Hall open back up tomorrow.

It was a beautiful clear bright day for the start of a New Year. I hope it is an omen  for a new secular year. Glory to God.

2 January 1972 Sunday

It was a clear beautiful day, almost like a summer day. The snow-capped Mt. Baldy is just scenic when viewed through the royal palm trees that line the orange orchards over here.

I got up today around 11 and did up the dishes and cleaned the apartment some. Gordon Townsend woke up around noon and we talked some until surprisingly my sister Donna came over .

She said that Mom and Dad took my nephew James to Knott’s Berry Farm and since it was such a beautiful day she didn’t want to stay at home. She never had been over to the apartment  before, so I showed her the place. She liked it a lot.

In the afternoon I took Gordon over to Othry Hall  so that he could move back in there. While I was there, I saw Paul Dobyns and we visited for a while. He said he had a nice holiday. It already seems so long ago that I lived in the dorm.

I also saw Rick Davis, but I didn’t talk to him because what is there to say to him. That was all the people I knew that I saw today but I probably will see more of the kids next week.

I went to Builder’s Emporium also and bought some liquid plastic for a plaque I’m making for Bob Wimberley that I hadn’t finished. Donna stayed at my apartment while I was running around but left around 5:30 and I then just read from the Book of Genesis for most of the evening now that I am alone again.

3 January 1972 Monday

I went job hunting for most of the morning and I think I’m getting  hired at another Taco Bell  down on Lincoln and State College. I should know  by tomorrow for sure.

I walked to Cal State Fullerton from my apartment. School started back up after the Christmas Break. I went to my Shakespeare Class where we are now discussing King Lear. I didn’t see Jim Dalton in class. After class I saw Ralph Ludders and we visited for a while about what is going one with us and how was the holidays. He said he and Brenda are going to move to Norwalk which seems kind of odd.

It was a warm beautiful day until and evil wind blew in this evening.

In the evening I saw Rich Ventura on campus  and then walked over to Builder’s Emporium where I saw Jim Dalton hanging out with Kathy O’Conner and Rick Davis the inferno trio.

I went and talked with Jim Dalton and he almost all but said he wasn’t going to move out of the dorms in with me. I now feel like he lied to me and acted upon my good nature. I used to love Jim but now in the pit of my stomach I feel revulsion. Why did he take advantage of me if he didn’t care for me? He betrayed my love and friendship. That is so low and mean.

I know that heaven will curse him with misery and pain as much as he brought me.

4 January 1972 Tuesday

I woke up at 9 to walk the mile and half to school to find there was no Hebrew Prophet Class today as that Mr. Fierman  is still in Israel. So, I went to the college library where I over stayed and missed my History of Christianity class.

So instead, I went back to the Sycamore Apartments. There I had a call from the manager of Taco Bell, and he said I got the job there at the stand that is on Lincoln and Sate College for sure. I start tomorrow at 10 in the morning.

            Then I made hamburgers for Jim Dalton and me  because yesterday Jim said he’d come over so we could talk  but he never showed up. I was so disappointed that I drove home to Garden Grove to get out of the apartment. I saw Mom there who I think is looking forward for me to move back home. God’s will be done not my own.

                        In the evening I came back to Fullerton and watched some TV some before Ralph Ludders came to the apartment tonight at 10:30  and we talked for two hours about religion and what going on in our lives. He finally dislodged logic and has accepted faith in his life.

            It was windy and cold today with the winds blowing at 70 miles per hour.

            Melanie’s Brad New Key is the number 1 song on KHJ radio followed by Don McLean’s American Pie,  Stylistics You u Are Everything, The New Seekers, I’d like to Teach the World to Sing, Donnie Elbert’s Where Did our love go. The Chilites Have You Seen her the Staple Singers Respect Yourself, Dennis Coffey’s Scorpio, Badfinger’s Day After Day

And Rare Earth’s Hey Big Brother.

5 January 1972 Wednesday

I woke up at 8:30 and soon thereafter git ready to go into work on my first day at another Taco Bell. I worked from 10 in the morning until 2 in the afternoon making $1.65 an hour. I worked with the manager Duane Pickett  and two girls named Allison and Denise. I liked being there with a better feeling than the Taco Bell in Fullerton and I think Duane Pickett  liked how experienced I am. I believe everything will be fine

            I thought everything was working out  for me and I was so happy for most of the day. I even attended my Shakespeare Class  and the went home to Garden Grove to do some laundry. While I was there, I went to Alpha Beta  in the Stanton Plaza and as I was backing out of the parking lot, I scraped a car. The irony is that when the man called the Stanton Police , the officer who showed up was named John Cunningham.

            Anyway, even that didn’t upset me  not until I came home to the Sycamore Apartment  and saw that Jim Dalton had left a Christmas gift. It was a beautiful shirt.

            I wore it down to Builder’s Emporium  to show him that I had received it and I was so happy until Jim told me finally that he wasn’t going to move out with me and gave me back his apartment key.

            I was so hurt , angry and spiteful that I went home took off the shirt  and found Jim’s truck and left it there with an ugly letter.

            At 11:30 , Jim and Kathy O’Connor came over to the apartment and we had an angry confrontation  which by the end of it I apologized to Jim but not to Kathy.

6 January 1972 Thursday

I laid in bed for most of the afternoon  still feeling guilty and so empty inside by my actions towards Jim Dalton. I felt so ashamed , son sinful about my behavior  last night. Perhaps it was a combination of me having a cold, being frustrated and bitter  which made me act in such an unchristian manner. I am a Christian  first and foremost and I must act like one  and suffer the intolerable for the security of my eternal soul.

            I finally got up at 1:30 and went to the housing office at Cal State Fullerton  and put in a request for a roommate. I am resigned  to give up my apartment  and moving in with others . At the housing office  they said I would get $251 back from my dorm contract after all. I never expected  that much.

            In the later afternoon I went and stayed over at Frank and Barb Welte’s  for a while  until I went into work at Taco Bell from 5 until 9 at night. I worked with two extremely nice Christian girls named Pam and Martha. It was a fun night and when I came home , Ralph Ludders came over.

 He and I have grown close again these past few days. He is my “best man,” and I was his.

            Lord God guide guard and direct us for we are such sinners, and I am so sorry.

7 January 1972 Friday

            I was up at 11 today as I had a lot of running around to do before going to class at 3. I first went home to Garden Grove to do some banking  then at 1:30 I went to Pete Pittman’s house to look at a room he was renting. I don’t think it’s going to work out because the house is so far away in Olive.             On Monday  I have another perspective roommate I need to go see.

At 3 I went to my Shakespeare Class, and we finished discussing King Lear. After class was over, I took Jim Dalton aside and we went out onto the Humanities balcony where I again apologized for the inexcusable behavior, I displayed  Wednesday night. All I could say was that I was truly sorry  and that it wasn’t typical of me, I wanted him to remember the good times wee r shared and not the bad. I couldn’t leave with him thinking hard of me. We left Cal-State Fullerton as friends, and I am sad and ashamed  that the curse I called down upon Kathy O’Connor and Jim is already working. The Catholic Church has thrown more red tape in the way of their marriage because Jim isn’t Catholic. We are just tools in the hands of a cosmic force  that controls our lives. The wheel of fortune keeps on spinning.

8 January 1972 Saturday

When I went into work at Taco Bell at 100 North State College Boulevard near Lincoln. It’s about 5 and half miles from my apartment and takes about 10 minutes to get there at night. I take Placentia most of the way over to State College. It was really foggy in Fullerton but in Anaheim where Taco Bell is, it had cleared up. I worked from 11 until 8 in the morning with this kid named Pat McGuire, his tall long haired skinny kid who lives out of his van. We hit it off  pretty good and got along fine. He says he’s a Christian too but kind of a Jesus Freak. It wasn’t terrible working the grave yard shift,  but I don’t know how I will feel  when Monday Morning comes when I work by myself.

Amazingly Pat  said he wants to live at the Sycamore Village  too and if things out according to God’s will  maybe Pat and I could become room mates

            Anyway, after getting off work, I went back to the apartment  and slept until 4:30 in the afternoon when Then I went home to Garden Grove. Barb Welte had asked me to take some bed sheets home to Jean Horan that she had taken home from the Running Springs cabin to have washed after they were there.  

            I visited with Jean for a while  before leaving to go buy Ralph Ludder’s a birthday card and gift. I bought him a diary  so he could keep a journal in too like mine.

            In my life things are starting to look up after a horrible December, thanks to the matchless love of God  who delivered me from sin.

9 January 1972 Sunday

Today John Cunningham turned 21 years old. I went into work last night at 11 and worked until 8 this morning. I worked again with Pat McGuire and the night went fast and I haven’t had much trouble adjusting  to working a graveyard shift. However tomorrow I will work by myself. Then I will see  really how things are going to work out.

            In the morning when I left at 8 the Ford Galaxy was just covered with frost. It had gotten below 32 degrees  last night. I had to put some hot water in the radiator  so the car would start  up and then I went on home to go to bed.

            I was supposed to have gone over to Mom’s in the afternoon for a turkey dinner  that she was fixing for my Uncle and Aunt Milton and Marie Williams. But I didn’t make it  because I slept until 7 this evening and didn’t get up until 8:30  because I was so tired. I then just prepared  for work and went in at 11. I don’t think next week I will be working 9 hours every day. At least I hope not. After tomorrow I’ll  have the rest of week of to study for school and rest up.

10 January 1972 Monday

I went into work at Taco Bell  last night at 11 and worked until 8 in the morning. There was ice again on the car again this morning  and it was real foggy driving home to Yorba Linda Boulevard. 

I worked by myself for the first time, but it was really slow with only a few customers. I also found out that last night that Pat McGuire didn’t get his job that he wanted in Arizona so now he said he will definitely move in with me at the Sycamore. That will really help out.

In the morning when Duane Pickett  came in, he saw that I did such a good job that he was impressed and gave me a 35-cent raise. I think he was used to the place being left messy with little done. Now I make $2.00 an hour which is fantastic for a fast-food place.  Glory to my heavenly father.

At the apartment I slept  until 1:30 in the afternoon then was up to get ready to go to Cal State Fullerton  to attend my classes. In Shakespeare  Class Mrs. Scoufos  is having us read the “Tempest”. I didn’t see Jim Dalton in class  today, but I did see him later in the evening.

I went home after that class and talked to Mom on the phone some before going over to see Ralph and Brenda Ludders.  Mom said she had gone up into Beverly Hills  with Jean Horan today and she said she had a nice time tooling around with Jean in her Corvette.

Over at Ralph’s place I visited with them a while and gave him his birthday present  and card. His birthday is tomorrow.  They invited me over for dinner tomorrow which they are planning on at 11:30 at night.

I left Ralph and Brenda  about 8:30 and headed back to Fullerton where I stopped in at Builder’s emporium to see Jim. He didn’t look well at all which concerned me. I invited him over lunch this week. I hope and pray he and everyone else will have the good fortune  that God had blessed me with.

11 January 1972 Tuesday

I was up at 10 and then rushed down to Cal State Fullerton to attend my Hebrew Prophet’s Class but as it turned out rabbi Fierman had cancelled the class for today. I then went and got something to drink and eat in the meantime at the College commons.  At 1, I went to my Christianity class. We only have two more meetings after today before the term ends. 

This semester has been so unreal with all the drama of Othry Hall and moving out on my own. It seems like I have never been in class very much either and perhaps I haven’t  with so much going on in my personal life.  November seems just like last month,  but the beginning of the semester last September seems like an eternity ago.

            I talked with Linda Sparks  some after class to catch up and afterwards went  home to the apartment. There I was surprised  to see Ralph Ludders there waiting for me, so we visited and went to McDonalds to get a hamburger and a coke. He had to go to class later, so we didn’t get to visit long. He turned 21 years old today. He really shocked me with the news that he and Brenda have been seeing Mormon Missionaries. I told him I was disappointed as I felt he and Brenda are being deceived.

            Back at the apartment I cleaned doing the dishes and watched TV for most of the rest of the evening. At 10:00 I watched Buster Keaton’s silent film The General until around 10:30 when Monte Ventura, Laura Edmunson, Gordon Townsend, and Janet Walton  dropped by to see me for a few minutes. I said I couldn’t visit long because I had to be over to Ralph and Brenda’s by 11:30 where they had fixed a birthday dinner. I stayed over there until 2 in the morning celebrating his birthday and just catching up with life.

            Grandma wrote a letter to Mom. “Hi June, Well Daddy come home this morning around 10 o’clock . I ran  to meet saying welcome home.  My seem like he had been gone a month. He’s feeling good aways has. Its queer he never felt dizzy or anything  only that itchy. But Dr. said the sugar in his blood was 600 and 200 is normal.

He was so glad  to get home. The pickup was parked up there ever since he been there so he just got in it and come home soon as he was dismissed. I said Daddy where your suit case, razor and so forth. He had forgot them all. We went right back and there they were. They hadn’t been in his room yet. So, all well that ends well.

Today is just like spring. Said he was going over to park trailers. They are so short handed. JW and Polly  pulling for Montgomery and John works day and night  till eleven. If it will only stay this way tho there’s a lot of cotton in the field yet.

Haddle Chester was in the hospital with bleeding ulcers. Said he was nearly gone when they got him there. Drunk so much his stomach just eat up. I don’t know where’s Nervie in California or not. Haven’t heard but once since Xmas. I wrote her and Alice about Wilburn just wanted you to know he’s home and doing OK. Dr said  he was  perfect in every way.

I worry about Mr. Williams. Maybe his condition not so bad, but any operation is bad but they can do wonders if it ain’t too late.  Tell Jr.  he ha better write me. Has he heard from the Huskeys. Guess they all busy. The White George Ranch sold that Buddy worked for.  I sent you the last letter I got so there’s nothing  of news. I’ll let you know  along how were getting along. Love from Mom and Daddy.

12 January 1972 Wednesday

Today was a really pleasant day  if ever I had one. I was up at noon to straighten up the apartment and do some grocery shopping a Ralph’s supermarket  for lunch. At 2 Jim Dalton came over  and I fixed us some hamburgers. He also brought me some letters that was sent to me at the dorm. One was from my cousin Kay which was a beautiful meaningful letter saying she loved me no matter what

After lunch was over, Jim drove us to campus, and we went to our Shakespeare Class where Mrs. Scoufos is still discussing The Tempest. After class we went to our old dorm room in Othry Hall  were we talked while he was waiting for a phone call from his Cathy O’Conner, his girlfriend. Rick Davis was in the room, and we talked only just slightly  although we weren’t angry with each other anymore. Jim wanted me to go with him to pick up Cathy,  so I did just to be with him.   Cathy got off work at 6 and we went with her to her dorm room to visit for a while. There I talked to Cathy Clarke, her roommate  about movies in general . Then Jim and Cathy took me home to the Sycamore village  and came inside. They stayed until 9:30 watching TV. We had some ice cream and cake that I had bought earlier for Jim’s lunch . It was a very pleasant evening after all that had happened just last week with so much sorrow and hurt feelings. Glory to God.

13 January 1972 Thursday

I didn’t get up until noon, so I missed my Hebrew Prophet  class, but it was okay because when I talked to Linda Sparks  in my Christianity Class, she said that Dr. Fierman didn’t show up again. In my Christianity Class we finished up discussing the effects of the crusades and next Tuesday will be our last class.

            When  I came back home  at 2, Ralph Ludders was there again waiting for me, and we went out for lunch at McDonalds. He left around 3:30 so I buzzed home to Garden grove to go to my bank to cover some checks and to eat dinner with Mom and Dad. We had spaghetti and garlic bread.

            About 6:30 this evening I then left to return to Fullerton  to go to the show. I went to the Fox Fullerton Theater on Harbor and saw “The Ra Expedition”  by myself. It was interesting for a documentary about crossing the pacific ocean in primitive rafts.

            After getting out of the show I went across the street where I used to work  at the Taco Bell there and saw that Bro. LeRoy Schlecht  was still working there. There were two new guys working there, a Mormon and a Baptist so we all had an interesting discussion on religion. The Mormon kid sure reminded me of John Cunningham which made my heart glad and sad at the same time. I left there around midnight and just came back to the apartment hoping John had a happy birthday.

            Today is Kent Larsen’s 21^st birthday but I haven’t seen him in such a long time.

14 January 1972 Friday

It was terribly smoggy today. I slept until noon then straightened up the apartment  some  before going off to class  at Cal State Fullerton.  Before that I went over to Frank and Barb Welte’s house on Hartford  to return their typewriter  that my sister Donna had borrowed from them.

            In my Shakespeare class, we finished reading the Tempest  and on Monday we will discuss it more thoroughly. Jim Dalton wasn’t in class, but Mrs. Scoufos said that he had shown up in her noon class.

 After class I just returned to my apartment  and went back to bed to sleep and rest  before having to go into work tonight. Nothing at all happened to me today, it was just a slow, terribly, hazy, and smoggy day which made it had to take a deep breath. From Yorba Linda Boulevard  you couldn’t even see the Cal State Fullerton’s tallest buildings  that are just behind it.

            When I was ready to go into work at Taco Bell at 10:30  the weather had turned warm and breezy outside.it was beautiful and felt like a summer night.

My ford Galaxy is giving me trouble again. I tried starting it,  but my starter is going out on me again. Good money being thrown after bad.

Mom said that Grandpa Johnson is out of the hospital now from his attack of diabetes.  His sugar levels are back  to normal now, but he will be a diabetic from now on.

15 January 1972 Saturday

I worked with Dale, Cindy Paulsen, and Marty Franco until 1 in the morning and with Pat McGuire  for the rest of the shift. Work went pretty well  although we were really busy, and I was exhausted  by the time I left at 8. I worked 9 hours total. Pat said that he definitely is going to move in with me at the Sycamore Village which will help out a lot financially. 

I slept until 5 this afternoon and I was kind of mad at myself  for doing so because it was such an utterly fantastically beautiful day. It was a warm 80 degrees, clear and breezy. Just absolutely beautiful out. But I had to get some sleep so I missed probably one of the prettiest  days we will have this year.

            At 6 this evening Pat came by to look at the place and we went to the land lady and had her make out another contract for my new roommate. I pray to God that this will works out. I have learned a valuable lesson from my previous experience with Jim Dalton.

            Grandpa Williams is going in for surgery pretty soon to have a growth removed.  My uncle and Aunt Milton and Marie  have sold their house so they will be moving to Orange County soon.

16 January 1972 Sunday

I worked with Denise and Cindy Paulsen  until 1  when they left and with Pat McGuire for the rest of the morning which was pretty busy. I ended up working 10 hours this shift. When I got Off work, I went over to Garden Grove to see Mom and Dad where Mom did up my washing  and Dad put a new starter  on the Ford Galaxy while I slept in my old room.  Even after sleeping 8 hours . I was still fatigued and didn’t feel like going back into work,  but I did anyway.

            I read some from the Bible and We know that all things work together for good to them that love God , to them who are called according to His purpose. For whom he did fore know, he also  dd predestine to e conformed to the image  of his son that he might be first  born among many brethren. Moreover, who he did predestinate, them he called, them he also justified  and who he justified, them he also justified. What shall we say then, say to these things?” If God be for us , who can be against? A secret something whispers to me that my life is about to change but when?

17 January 1972 Monday

Business at Taco Bell we real slow this morning,  so I cleaned up the place really good. In the morning when all the work was done,  I read some from the Epistles of Paul for a while. Then at 7:30 I was caught by surprise when Bob Wimberley and Gary Bassin came up to see me. We visited briefly but I was not very friendly, and I hoped I handled the situation well, God Willing.  When I went to leave at 8 , the Ford wouldn’t start  so I called Jim Dalton up and asked if he would come and take me home to the apartment. He stayed and visited a little  while and he had a breakfast of waffles with me

            After he left , I slept until 2 then got up to walk to my Shakespeare class. I walked to Cal State Fullerton  where I was to meet Jim,  but he never showed up so after class I walked back to the apartment.

I waited until 5  for Jim to come by but he didn’t so I called Frank and Barb Welte  and Frank took me down to retrieve my car. However, Jim came by the apartment as soon after I got off the phone with Frank,  but I was a little tiffed and didn’t say much to him except that I made other arrangements. Frank messed with the battery cable and the car started back up.

Afterwards when I got the car back to the apartment  I went up to Builder’s Emporium and apologized to Jim for acting so curt with him I was back home by 7:30 and tried to get some sleep.

18 January 1972 Tuesday

I didn’t sleep well last night as I had a nightmare and couldn’t get back to sleep. I finally fell asleep around 8:30 this morning  and fell into such a deep sleep  that I couldn’t wake up to go to school and I missed both of my last classes for the semester.  In fact, I didn’t wake up until Ralph Ludders  came over around 2 and I got up to answer the door.  He wanted to go  to lunch so we went to McDonald’s before he had to leave for his class. I also went to the campus  to go to the housing office to see about the dorm check they said I would get back.  I was told it should come later this week.

            Later in the evening I drove over to Othry Hall to see  Laura Edmunson. We listen to my Time-Warner Baroque Albums until Rich Ventura  came over to her room and then we watched some TV.  Laura said that tonight is her last night in the dorm and that Gordon Townsend had already left and moved in with Monte Ventura, Rich’s cousin.  Rich will be moving out and in with them at the Cedar Glen tomorrow he said.

            After leaving  the dorms, I went over to Monte’s place and visited with him and Gordon. I stayed  until around 11  then drove back to my apartment

            It’s good to know everybody is doing just fine and are things are working out wonderful for them. Praise the Lord.

19 January 1972  Wednesday

I didn’t get up until 2 in the afternoon. I feel so achy like I’m trying to come down with the flu that is going around. I sure hope  I don’t,  but I just feel so tired.

            I went to my last Shakespeare class for the semester this afternoon but first I went to Othry Hall  waiting for Rich Ventura so I could buy a chair off of him for my apartment. He never showed up, so I walked over to the campus to attend class. We finished reading the “Tempest”, thoroughly and then we discussed some of the other plays we had read during the semester.

            After class Jim Dalton and I walked  back to the dorms where I found Rich and was able to buy the chair which I took  home to the apartment. Now I actually have something to sit on then just the floor.

            In the evening I drove home to Garden Grove for Dad’s 47^th birthday  but since mom was sick with the flu,  they decided not to do anything special to mark the occasion. So, I just drove back to Fullerton even though my car is really falling apart now. It still smokes out the tail pipe, still misses when starting from a stop, the generator light comes on and I have a burnt-out exhaust valve.  I will try  and keep it running, I guess.

            Around 7:30 I went to Builder’s Emporium to see Jim, but we didn’t talk long  because he took his break and went to the break room. I bought a set of pans for $12 at the store from the $253 I got back from the dorms.

20 January 1972 Thursday

It was smoggy and hazy out today even though I didn’t get up until noon and then just straightened up the apartment some. Around 1:30 I left to go to Fullerton Junior College to pick up a registration  form for my brother-in-law Dennis Wachs. I guess he wants to take some classes  there this Spring and use some of his Veteran benefits.  I dropped the forms off at Mom’s in Garden Grove  because my sister Charline wasn’t home.

Then I went to see my sister Donna at her work as we hadn’t visited in a while.  Afterwards I went back to Fullerton  and paid my landlady the $75 security and cleaning deposit.  Around 6 Pam and Duane Pickett  from Taco Bell showed up at my place really mad that Pat McGuire not going into work last night and was yelling at him. I just kind of felt dumb  just sitting there listening to them.

After they left, I went over to Monte Ventura’s place where Rich and Gordon Townsend have moved in. I stayed for most of the evening and while I was there, I called Linda Sparks and she said that I didn’t miss anything by not going to class last Tuesday.

 Around 10:30 Mark Torianni and his girlfriend Candy  came by Monte’s apartment to see Rich and Gordon. It was good to see them again.

 I hadn’t seen them since I moved out of the dorm last December. So many of the old Dorm crowd are moving out.

For some reason  today I feel so very lonely or lonesome. I miss the ones I love.

21 January 1972 Friday

I didn’t get to sleep last night until about 3:30 in the morning . I mainly read  and reminisced about this past semester. I don’t think I ever had such a traumatic experience that is comparable to this fall semester of my Junior year at Cal State Fullerton. Even the learning days  of the Cunningham era didn’t affect me the is way for my time with John was stretched out over several years and we never were more than friends while this experience was confined to a matter of months.

            Today seems like a good time to reflect  as I have completely broken away from my friends at Cypress college and the old Bernstein House  crowd that I ran around with. Also, the Long Beach kids have faded away as I want to turn my life over to God. John Cunningham is a memory also and gone are any feelings I had for him.

I don’t know how close I will become with the Othry Hall dormitory  kids. Time will tell. Yes, time will tell also whether my roommate Pat McGuire and the Taco Bell kids  who I am starting to become friendly with will last. Life tides’ flow and ebb. .

I hope next semester I will have my head on better and my life will be  somewhat more stable as I turn my life over to God.

I didn’t get up until well into the afternoon then I just fixed something to eat  and watched some TV before having to go into work at 11

22 January 1972 Saturday

It was a very busy morning at Taco bell, and I worked from 11 to 6 in the  morning  with Pat McGuire. We were busy, busy, busy. When I got off work, I immediately went to bed at the apartment and slept until noon when Pat’s friend Bob Cupp came over. He had done our laundry as he works  at a hospital laundry. That was kind of him, and I like him a lot more than Pat. May be more than I should.

            Anyway, when I was up, I went over to Frank and Barb Welte’s house on Hartford to call home and the phone company. Pacific Bell  won’t be open until Monday so can’t get a phone until then.

            Mom said they were going over to my Uncle and Aunt Milton and Marie Williams  at 2 this afternoon. That was too early for me because I would never get  any sleep before going into work if I went then.

I wanted to go through  because Grandma and Grandpa Williams were down to stay with my aunt and uncle, Bonnie, and Bill Fagan because Grandpa’s operation is this Tuesday.

            Anyway, I then left the Weltes and went back to the apartment  to sleep  again until 5. Then I went over to see Monte and Rich Ventura at the Cedar Glen. We talked for a while  and after visiting I came back  home and watched “All In the Family” before getting ready for work. Monte and Rich dropped by at 10:30 to borrow some cheese I said they could have  for something they were making.

23 January 1972 Sunday

 I worked  with Denise and Cindy Paulsen until 1 when Pat McGuire came in. We had a pretty steady day,  and I was exhausted  by the time I left work at 6 this morning.

            At the apartment I slept until 4:40 in the afternoon. I didn’t think I had to work tonight  because that was my understanding that Duane Pickett wanted to work it to check up on Pat,  so I was unprepared when he called me at 6 and said to come in at midnight.

            But before that I went to Builder’s Emporium and bought some items for the apartment and for the Ford Galaxy. I saw Jim Dalton there working  but we didn’t visit . I am a little hurt and bothered that Jim hasn’t come by or tried to contact me because he said that he wanted to study with me for our Shakespeare final. Not only that, if we are supposed to be friends why doesn’t he ever come  to see me unless he needs something  or if I ask him to.  I wish he’s take my feelings  into consideration as often as I have  his. Though our friends  fall short, the Lord comforts us still.

24 January 1972 Monday

I worked from midnight  for 8 hours this morning. I worked with Denise  until 1 and by myself for the rest of the shift. When Denise clocked out, she stayed, and we talked some more about life and working at Taco Bell until 2:30. We got to know each other pretty well which might be the start of a meaningful relationship. She’s an Gemini  like most of the girls I become friends with, and she is pretty cool. Anyway, I worked hard for the rest of the shift even though I ached and ached. I must be coming down with the flu. My head is all right , just my body aches, especially my shoulders.

            When work was over, I pulled myself together an went over to Frank and Barb Welte  at 9 to use their phone. I first called  the campus to see if Dr. Fierman is still having a  final and since he wasn’t I didn’t have to go. I also called the phone company because I wanted a phone installed in my apartment. After that I just went back to the Sycamore and slept until 8 this evening . I felt even worse, but I got up and forced myself to eat and then watched some TV. I watched The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour  which is always funny. I went back to bed about 11. I feel so tired and meek. I need the Lord’s strength to get well.

25 January 1972 Tuesday

I didn’t sleep well as my shoulders still ached and were sore probably from the flu or maybe a virus settled in the muscles. I also had a throbbing headache above my left temple. Plus, I was woken from a dream  I had about Jim Dalton. It startled me so much that  it woke me up at 4:30 so I got up  because I couldn’t sleep after that.  I went into the kitchen and washed the dishes because I thought may be if I did some exercise, I’d feel better, but I didn’t. So, I went back to bed  and after awhile managed to drift off. For some reason the haunting melody of Ave Maria lulled me to sleep.

            I woke up again with a start at 11. I had another lonely dream this time about John Cunningham. I wonder if these are fever induced dreams.  After that I just stayed up and at noon Laura Edmunson and Barb Williams came over for a visit. I felt so miserable, so they didn’t remain long.

 I felt like crud, so I took a hot shower ad cleaned myself up and went over to Frank and Barb Welte’s and mostly visited with Barb. She ordered over the phone some flatware for me that I’ll pick up tomorrow. After I left Hartford, I drove into downtown Fullerton to the phone company where I had them order me a phone to use when they hook my apartment up.  The phone will be turned on this Thursday  and I then won’t feel so isolated.  I went back to bed at 6 this evening.

26 January 1972 Wednesday

I slept nearly 10 hours and got up at 4 this morning because I just couldn’t sleep anymore. So, I got up and straightened the apartment  for the party I am having tonight. After that I wrote letters to Grandma Johnson and Sally Johnson. By the time 7 rolled around I gathered up all my laundry and drove over to Mom’s in Garden Grove  to do some washing. Dad was home from work because he is still sick from his bout with the flu.

While home on dale Street I picked up my mail and I had received my draft reclassification  to 1-H which meant I am not currently subject to being inducted into the military. Also, a book called “The Last Whole Earth Catalogue” came from my book club.

            When my laundry was done,  I left Garden grove around 11 and took the 91 Freeway  back to Placentia where I picked up my flatware that I had ordered for $11. I was tired of using plastic utensils and I wanted them for the party.  I then went  back to bed about 1 and slept until 6.

My sister Donna came over at 6:30 to help me fix dinner for the Venturas some who are down from Fresno. We made burritos, Spanish Rice, and Frijoles. At 8 Monte his brother Tim and sister Tammi came along with Rich and his sister Michele Ventura. The only non-Ventura was Gordon Townsend, Rich, and Monte’s roommate. Everyone stayed until around 9:30 and it was a real nice evening, and it was good to see Tammi again.

            After they all left , I cleaned up and watched Night Gallery  and then went to bed. I still have a bad head ache. 

27 January 1972 Thursday

I woke up at 4 this morning again . I just couldn’t get  back to sleep so I finished washing all the dishes from yesterday’s dinner party. I noticed that the kids left some milk here that they had bought for their own breakfast  so at 5 I walked down to the Cedar Glen  and gave them the milk they had left. It was a crisp  pretty morning to be out walking.

I still wasn’t tired,  so I took the Ford Galaxy  and drove around to try and find a Los Angeles Times newspaper stand. It’s been so long  since I’ve read the news and I miss it.  The rest of the morning I studied from my Shakespeare text book and watched TV until a man from the Phone company  came to install the phones. I had two put in, both white, one in the front room and another in the bedroom.

            In the afternoon I went back to the Cedar Glen  to see Tammi and Michele Ventura. Tim Ventura, Gordon Townsend, Rich Ventura, and Paul Blankenship  were there too. They were all getting ready to drive into Hollywood, so I left and went to K-Mart where I bought two dress shirts and then I went to Akron on Beach Boulevard where I didn’t buy anything, just looked around. While I was over that way, I dropped by Cypress College just to look around. It’s changing so much. I came home about 4:30, watched some TV and went to bed at 8 in the evening. My car really need a tune -up. 

28 January 1972 Friday

I woke up at 4 this morning again and couldn’t get back to sleep what so ever. So, I got up and studied for my Shakespeare final. When I took it at 11, I think I did fairly well, but you can never tell until you see your grade. Jim Dalton took about a half hour longer after I had finished so I waited for him. I had mixed feelings about waiting. I wanted to wait  but then also I wanted to just run away.

I ended up waiting  and after class I walked with him back to Othry Hall  and to his dorm room.  He said he found himself an apartment  with these two other guys that’s located right behind the college. I hope he will be happy there.

We visited for a little while before Rick Davis came into the room. I left after he unintentionally insulted me. Still, it was strange  being here for the last day in the dorms. Tomorrow they all must move out. I’ll never see this little room again where so much happiness and later sorrow transpired.  I’m going to miss Jim.

            In the afternoon I went over to Monte Ventura’s place  to see all the kids . Monte’s cousin Tim Ventura and Terry LaBaron, their friend from Fresno and I went driving around as I wanted to show them how beautiful the Huntington Beach Pier could be at sunset. After  we returned to Fullerton, Phyllis Lewis was down from Glendale at Monte’s and so was Laura Edmunson from Covina. We visited for a while then I went back to my place to go to sleep at 8 before going into work at 11.

29 January 1972 Saturday

I worked from 11 last night until 6 this morning . It was super busy. After I left work, I went to the apartment and slept until noon when Tammi Ventura called me and asked if I wanted to go  with them to Fashion Island in Newport Beach to see the other “Back Street” where Monte Ventura works. Tim Ventura, Terry LaBaron, Gordon Townsend, Rich Ventura , Phyllis  Lewis and I all went  and stayed in Newport until 4 in the afternoon. I was so tired from all the walking  that it later made me too fatigued  to enjoy the party.

            Back at my apartment I tried to sleep some more until my sister Donna  came over at 6:30 . She and I bought a house plant as a house warming present for Monte, Rich, and Gordon.

            Rich was over at my place to prepare the punch and some other stuff  for the party that we held in the Sycamore Village recreation hall since the Cedar Glenn’s was being used.

Laura Edmunson came down from Covina and Janet Walton came from Riverside. All the other kids from the dorm never showed up. Phyllis  Lewis, Donna, and Monte, and Rich were having fun dancing up a storm and seemed to be having a great time. I was just too tired to participate much so I just visited with Laura  some and left at 10:30 to rest a bit so I could get ready to go into work.

30 January 1972 Sunday

 I came into work 15 minutes late because I over slept but It really didn’t matter because we weren’t all that busy. I worked with Denise and Cindy  Paulsen until Pat McGuire came in at 1. It then became steady and stayed that way  until about 3 in the morning. There was a full moon eclipse at 2:30 and we got to see the last stages of it during a lull in the customers.  I did the front line while Pat  worked the back and outside. He’s rather do that then deal with customers.

            Around 7,  I left and went directly over to Cedar Glen to see Tim Ventura and Terry LaBaron before the left  for Fresno,  but they had already left  before I got there. So, I just went back to my apartment  and went to bed.

I was so exhausted  from all the running around this weekend that I finally  went to bed and crashed . I slept until 10:30 at night when I had to get up and go back into work.

            It was clear  beautiful day the little I saw of it. I have been trying to grow a beard lately. It’s about two weeks old and everyone says it looks good on me. I need someone to love.

31 January 1972 Monday

I went into work at Taco Bell at 11 last night and worked with Denise and Cindy Paulsen

until they left at 11:30 . I then worked with another guy named Gary until 12:30. I never worked with him before.  As soon he left, Jim Dalton and Cathy O’Conner came up to Taco Bell. I was really surprised to see them. I had them come around back and inside  and I fixed them something to eat.

I guess Jim  is all moved out of the dorms, and he really looks different with his haircut so short. They only  stayed until around 2  then they left . I wish they wouldn’t have come up as I get so  depressed  when ever I see them because of all that has happened between us.  I don’t see  how we can remain friends, I mean close friends. Too much water has passed  under the bridge.

            I was off work at 8  and came home and did some phone calling to let folks know I have a phone now. I called Jerry Smith and Ralph Ludders first .

            In the afternoon  Rich Ventura and his cousin Monte and I went to Laguna Beach  because Monte wanted  to do some shopping  and he had never been to Laguna  before.  It was a beautiful day out  and we didn’t get back to Fullerton  until 7 this evening.  I was so tired from driving them around but the Pacific Coast Highway coming home was beautiful looking over the ocean.

            Pat McGuire said Mom had called  so I called her back. She said I may begetting another car. Praise the Lord.

It’s the end of the month and a time to reflect. January is always a catch all for all the odds and ends that were never finished  by the  end of the old year. However, by the end of January everything is pretty well sewn up.

            At the first of the month, I still had some pretty pressing problems such as no job and no roommate. Both of those problems were solved in one stroke with me being hired at Taco Bell on State College Boulevard in Anaheim near Lincoln.

            Jim Dalston was a loose end I had to tie up. I was still pretty much hung up about him but now I can be more objective about the situation between him and me and now I can honestly say  he doesn’t bother my heart anymore.

            Ralph and Brenda Ludders are being baptized Mormons on the 19^th of February. I wonder how that will affect my life and our friendship.

My car gave me problems for most of January. I hope if God is willing this issue will be settled in February.

Once school starts again , I’ll start making new friends again . God holds the future in His hands. What wonders, what joys, and sorrows will I encounter for the love of God and his predestined plan.

FEBRUARY

1 February 1972 Tuesday

Well, it’s the first day of February and I got up at 8 when Pat McGuire came home. He said that Duane Pickett  asked me to work tonight so I called him up and said that I would as I need the money. Since we got paid  today, I paid my half of this month rent which was $75. I cleared $108 on this pay check.

            In the Afternoon I went to my bank in Garden Grove and deposited some money into my checking account. After I pay my Spring Tuition of $80  for Cal State Fullerton,  I’ll only have $20 left to last me until my next paycheck.

            While I was in the area, I went home to Dale Street and did up my washing. Mom was gone because she had taken Grandma and Grandpa Williams home to Yucaipa.

            I had to go into work at 6:40 and I worked until midnight. I worked  with Martie Franco  for most of the time and she is a real nice girl. It wasn’t too busy  except around 9 when the Katella High School crowd came up after a basketball game. Then it got pretty wild. After I was off work, I just came back to the apartment, took a shower, and went to bed.

2 February 1972 Wednesday

Today is Judy Husky Schroeder’s 25^th birthday. I got up at 10 and cleaned up the apartment . then around 11 I decided to go to the Tandy’s Leather store in Newport  but when  I got there , right off of the freeway, my generator  light came on and I knew I better try to get home  to Garden Grove as close as I could before the Ford broke down.  Luckily,  I was able to get it to Dale Street.  Once there after telling Mom about the generator light the car started back up  so I drove it home to the apartment where I let the car sit for a while. Jerry Smith called in the afternoon  and asked to use the sauna bath here  at the Sycamore,  so I let him. He came over about 5 . Before that I did get to buy some leather  in Anaheim, but it really wasn’t what I wanted to make some belts.

Monte Ventra called in the evening and said he was sick, so I came over to the Cedar Glen with some soup  and spent the night there while he was ill. Gordon Townsend had left for San Francisco and Rich had gone home to Fresno,  so Monte was there by himself.

3 February 1972 Thursday

I spent the night at Monte Ventura’s place and slept in Richard’s bed . I was up at 10 to get dressed and fix Monte some breakfast. After doing all the dishes that had piled up, at noon I went and picked up his mail for him. Afterwards I had to go back to my apartment  and clean my own apartment, but I didn’t get to because as I was looking through some sale ads, I saw that Zody’s had  some 10-speed bikes on sale for $59. I hadn’t had a bike sine mine was stolen last November. So, I  called mom up and she came over to Fullerton and she took me down to Chapman and Brookhurst so I could go to Zody’s to buy  a bike. It’s a Royal Union 27 inch 10-speed, sort of a coffee color. We then went over to Frank and Barb Welte’s’ house on Hartford in Fullerton where Frank helped me put the bike together that was still in the box.  It was nearly 3:30 by the time Mom left  to go back home to Garden Grove. Today was the first time she had ever seen my apartment.

            I rode my bike back over to Monte Ventura’s  for a while to check on him and then rode  up to Builder’s Emporium on State College to see Jim Dalton. I just visited with him for a little while because what more is there to say. He did make a key up for me to give to Pat McGuire. When I left Jim, I was kind of depressed, so I rode back to Cedar Glen where I spent the night again. Jim, Jim  why didn’t you or better yet why did you?

4 February 1972 Friday

 I was up at 10 over at Monte Ventura’s place  where I got dressed to back home to my apartment. I like Monte but he‘s getting on my nerves  as he is so fussy. I know he’s sick and all but he’s so demanding like he expects me to wait on him.

            Anyway,  at home I did up the dishes and cleaned up the apartment  some and around noon a man called who used live in this apartment . his name is Bob Williams and they had been forwarding my mail to his house because of our similar last names.

            A friend of Pat McGuire named Bob Capp drove me over to this Mr. Williams house where I was able to pick up my mail. I had a letter from Grandma Johnson, Monte’s brother Tim Ventura and a bill from the gas company.  I’ll have to go to the post office to get this all straightened out.

            In the afternoon, Bob, Pat, and I went into the jacuzzi, and it was the first time I’ve used any of the facilities  here at the Sycamore Village apartments.

            Later I wrote Tim Ventura back  and in the late afternoon, I did some grocery shopping for Monte Ventura who said he still felt too sick to leave his place.

            After doing that for him in the evening I tried to rest some  but at 8:30 I called Frank Welte up and asked if he would take me to go pick up Rich Ventura at the bus depot because there was no one else  to do so. However, he didn’t come in on time, so I didn’t get to pick him up. It looks like rain, and it did sprinkle some.

I rode my ten-speed the 6 miles into work at 11

5 February 1972 Saturday

I rode my bike to work, and it was super busy because the Katella High School crowd was up after  their basketball game. In fact, they just kept hanging around  and wouldn’t leave. They were just causing trouble, so Dale called the police, and they came and cleared the parking lot.  It was kind of funny seeing all the kids scramble.

Even though it sprinkled some tonight  it didn’t keep people away and we were busy  all night. Pat McGuire was useless because he said he was so tired,  so I let him crawl into his van  to sleep for two hours  until it was time for me to leave.  I left at 6:30 and rode my bike home in the rain. I was wet and cold by the time I reached the apartment.  So, I just showered and went to bed. I slept until 4:30  when Mom and Dad came over to tow the Ford over to Frank and Barb Welte’s to  fix it. I had to buy a new generator and the rocking arm, whatever that is, had to be fixed. .However, its running pretty good now but it still needs points Dad said. Barb fixed us hamburgers  while we were over there.

I left around 7  to come back to my apartment  to sleep some  more before having to go  back into work at 10:30.

6 February 1972 Sunday

            I went into work yesterday at 10:30  and worked until 6:30 this morning. It rained and sprinkled  for a good part of the morning. I worked with Cindy Paulsen and Dale  until Pat McGuire came in at 1. Denise said she is quitting, and Tuesday will be her last day. Too bad as we were just beginning to become friends.

Work wasn’t too busy  just steady. I swept and mopped the floors and cleaned the front line while Pat cleaned the back of the store and the outside, picking up trash, emptying the cans and hosing down the patio. 

I came home and slept until 4 in the afternoon. I had such a lonely dream about John Cunningham. In it he was sad and alone and he asked if he could come stay with me. I cried and told him everything I have or ever will have is and always will be part his to have.  For I have done him a wrong and unkindness telling him that I loved him.

When I did get up,  I watched Norma Shearer and Tyrone Power in “Marie Antoinette which is a 1938 classic. It was super.  Afterwards I went back to bed until it was time to bet back up to go into work.

            My car is running  pretty good right now,  but it isn’t idling quite right at stop lights.

7 February 1972 Monday

Jackie called me to ask me to come in early last night, so I went in at 10:30  and worked  until 8 this morning. It wasn’t too busy, so I wasn’t really tired. When  I got off work I came to the apartment , showered, and changed clothes. Then I drove over to the Fullerton Post Office to complain about my mail service. They said they would straighten it out. Then I drove out to the California University at Irvine campus to return an overdue library book there.

I hate that campus as it’s so hard to find it because it’s in the middle of nowhere. Besides it was foggy,  and I kept driving in circles. Finally, after I did find it and returned the book, I went then drove over to Newport to go to the Tandy Leather Store. There I bought some more leather and tools  about $13  worth. I want to make a nice belt for Jim Dalton. I want him to have something nice to remember me by.

After leaving  Newport, I went home to Garden Grove  to pick up some mail there and some books before finally going home to my apartment which was a mess. Everything here is a mess as I haven’t had time to clean up.

            I went to bed at 1 in the afternoon and slept until 10:30. Pat McGuire was gone as he went up into the mountains today with his girlfriend Judy.

8 February 1972 Tuesday

I went into work at midnight  and worked until 8. It was a steady  night but not really all that busy. I worked with Gary  until 1 when he left leaving me to work alone for the rest of the night. Pat McGuire’s friend Bob Capp was up and stayed to visit with me until 2 when he left. I think he is interested in me more than being just a friend. 

After everyone left, I began to get my real work down. I cleaned up the back room and washed up all the meat pans and utensils in the sinks . Then I whipped the beans  and poured them into their plastic containers. After letting them cool and set  I commenced on cleaning up the front line. The ice machine was broken again so I had to be skimpy on ice but that was the only problem I had  tonight serving customers.

            After cleaning the store and the steam cabinet, I scrubbed and washed the floors with bleach water. After that I went outside to clean the parking lot  and the patio eating area and turn off the fire pit. After that I hosed down everything with water  and thus by 8 when Duane Pickett  comes in, everything is pretty much cleaned up for the day shift. This is a typical  morning routine.

            When I came home to the apartment, I decided to work on the leather belt I am making for Jim Dalton. It has three cross stitched leather strip pieces, a brass ring loop and a floral design that I had used my stamp tools on.  I finished it within 4 hours and thought it was very nice. It had an intricate  design  which was well balanced.

            I saw Rich Ventura and his cousin Monte Ventura  at their place before going over to Jim’s apartment  to give him the belt. Monte is still sick with some crud and Jim wasn’t home, but his roommate Craig and his girlfriend Cathy O’Connor were there, so I gave them the belt and left. I went home to the apartment and finally went to bed.

9 February 1972 Wednesday

I went into work at midnight and worked my usual shift until 8  this morning. It wasn’t too busy,  so I was able to get all my work done without any problems. When Duane Pickett  came in, I left to go over to Mom’s  in Garden Grove to meet Ralph Ludders at 9:30 who was there for me to help him move. 

I got to Dale Street about 8:30  and I went across the street to see Jean Horan as Mom was over there visiting and seeing Tom and Jean off. They are going to Hawaii  and Jean is all excited although she’s been there before.

When Ralph came over, we took Dad’s red pick-up and went to his apartment  to start moving his stuff. All we needed to move in the truck was his refrigerator, their bed, and a couch.  Ralph’s new house is right off of Freeway 5 on the Imperial Highway in Norwalk. It’s kind of rustic looking because it is built on part of an old ranch.

By the time we were finished moving his things, it was 4 in the afternoon, so I had to rush home to drop off the pickup and then head over to Cal State Fullerton to pay my registration fees for the Spring Semester. I went home first and since I was super tired,  I called the college up and asked if I could pay tomorrow and they said that would be all right. I then went right to bed and slept until having to go back to work.

10 February 1972 Thursday

I went to work at midnight, and I never thought the night would ever end because I was so tired. I worked until 8 and when I came back to the apartment, I called Mom up again, to see how Dad is doing. Last night at work, she called me to tell me that she had to take dad to the hospital because his ulcers were bleeding again. He’s right now in the Intensive Care Unit  and nobody is allowed  to go see him but mom.

            Most of this morning, I straightened up the apartment because it was a mess. I waited for Ralph Ludders to come over  so we could go pay our fees together on campus, but he never showed up, so I went to school by myself at 5. I paid $80.00 in tuition. I didn’t’ buy a parking lot spot pass because I hope to ride my bike  most of the time to campus.

            After paying tuition I stopped by Builder’s Emporium  to buy some contact paper for the apartment kitchen,  and I hoped to see Jim Dalton there. He was but we talked very little as he was busy and also what more is there to say?   Later I decided to get out of the apartment, and I went to the Fullerton Fox Theater on Harbor and saw Walt Disney’s “Song of the South” and “Never a Dull Moment.” I liked the Song of South for the Brer Rabbit character.

11 February 1972 Friday

I woke up at 8 this morning but I felt so sick to my stomach. I also ached all over so I must have come down with the same flu  that Monte Ventura, Mom, and Dad had caught. I felt so miserable that I knew I would not be able to go into work tonight. So, I called up Duane Pickett   and told him I was too sick to work tonight.

            I then called Mom to see how Dad was doing as he was still in intensive care. She said that the doctors are going to take some x-rays of him soon to see what is going on with him.

            In the afternoon I was still feeling weak, but I needed something on my stomach,  so I drove over to Ralph’s supermarket and bought some popsicles and Seven-Up to settle my stomach. It almost killed me to get out of bed,  but nobody is going to look after me but myself.

            The rest of the day I just laid in bed and tried to rest and sleep some. I hope I feel better soon. It’s horrible being sick  when there’s so much to do. I need to take time to be Holy.

12 February 1972 Saturday

I woke up early around 7:30 this morning and I felt like I was over my flu as I had broken a sweat. Mom had said it would last just 24 hours at the most. Since I was so rested from  spending all day yesterday  in bed, I managed to  get up and straighten the apartment  and wash the dishes. I also changed the sheets on my bed since during the break in my fever they were soaked.

            When Pat McGuire came in this morning from working his shift , he said that Dale had taken my place  and would again if I needed him to do so. So, I decided to not go in for another night  just to rest up and make sure I’m out of the woods and completely over this bug.

            In the afternoon I just played around with my tape recorder, taping songs off the radio, and reading some. Although I was still listless it was a beautiful day outside  and I wanted to go use the jacuzzi,  but I didn’t want to go by myself. I called Jerry Smith, Ralph Ludders, and Rich Ventura to see if they wanted to join me, but they were all busy doing something else.

I called mom and she said that Dad was out of Intensive Care  now. The doctors  don’t know  whether  they are going to have to operate or not. Also, today I called Laura Edmunson  and asked her if she wanted to go to Disneyland on March 3rd  with me. She said she would.

I went back to bed about 8 in the evening and fell asleep

13 February 1972 Sunday

I woke up around 6 this morning and couldn’t sleep anymore so I got up and  rounded up all my laundry to take home to Dale Street to do my wash. I was at Mom’s house by 7:30 and Mom and my sister Donna  were still a sleep. I did  my washing up in the garage  as I read  this week’s issue of Time Magazine and the Sunday Newspaper.

            Around 10 I called my sister Charline  to ask if I could take my nephew James  to the park, but she said he wasn’t feeling  very well this morning however she thought if he got out into the sunshine he’d feel  better. So, I drove over to Charline’s place  where my brother-in-law Denise Wachs gave me a bunch of old 45 records  that he  had changed off of the juke boxes  he services on his vending route.

            Little Denise sure is growing  but she is still as bald as a billiard ball.  She is so cute. I never saw a baby laugh and smile  as much as she does. She is just a happy baby. I hope she grows  up to be a happy girl.

            James and I went to the Magnolia Park  and played on the swings, but we didn’t stay long  because he wasn’t feeling really well.  In fact, he kept crying when asking where Grandpa was, so I think some of his not feeling good was because he was missing dad. I thought my heart would break but how do you explain things to someone so young?

            In the late afternoon, I went into Bellflower to see Dad at the hospital. Mom was there  so I didn’t stay very long. I came back to Fullerton with my laundry around 5 and slept until  10 when I went back to work at Taco Bell at 11.

14 February 1972 Monday

Work was steady for most of the night, and I worked a total of 9  hours. When Duane Pickett  came in at 8, I immediately left to go home to my apartment so I could get ready for school as that Spring Semester Classes began today. I rode my ten-speed to campus because I didn’t buy a $13 parking pass. It  is not only good exercise to ride my bike anyway, but I can zoom around campus to my classes.

            My first class is at 10 o’clock this morning and I am taking the History and Development of Christianity  which is a religious Studies course. It’s worth 3 units of the Christian Church  taught by Dr. Charles Frazee. My friend Jerry smith is also in the class, so I’ll have someone to talk to and share notes.

 Next at 11 o’clock I have The Byzantine Empire also taught by Dr. Frazee. It’s a history 419 class worth 3 units and  it’s “The Rise and Fall of Byzantium empire from the 4^th Century  A.D. until the 15^th Century A.D. We will be studying Byzantine society and it’s contributions to the world as well.  

            I then  have a two-hour break between noon and 2 as I had petitioned to get into an American Literature Class taught by Dr. Sherwood Cummings. There’s a lot of reading assigned  for that class, but I think I will enjoy it.

I saw Rich Ventura today between classes and an old high school friend named Ross Weishaar.

Next, I have at 3 o’clock I have an English Literature 341 course on John Milton which is taught by Mrs. Scoufos who I enjoyed her Shakespeare class. so much last semester. It’s worth 3 units and it’s “An intensive study of the poetry and prose in the light of Milton’s intellectual development” according to the college catalog.

 I am done with school by 4 so by the time I get home I was ready for bed as I haven’t slept since yesterday. So far, I think I’ll enjoy my class this semester. They will be hard, but I think they will be rewarding.

15 February 1972 Tuesday

I was up at 6 this morning  because I had slept so much last night. After getting cleaned up I did the kitchen dishes  and baked an orange flavored cake. Then at 9 I went to Ralph’s Supermarket  and bought some groceries for the apartment. I spent $11and didn’t really buy that much. Prices are outrageous. 38 cents for a head of lettuce! And 61 cents for an avocado. 

            Anyway, I rode my ten-speed bike over to Cal state Fullerton  and went to my 11 o’clock “412A Ancient Near East Mesopotamia” class worth 3 units. It’s a study of the “political, socioeconomic, religious, and literary  history of Mesopotamian culture from the rise of Sumerian city-states to Alexander the Great, a period of three millennia. This will include a discussion of the Sumerians, Assyrians, Babylonians, Hurrians, and Persians.”

 The class is taught my Mr. [Michael Onorato and  I think it will be an interesting class, but he wants us to buy eleven books!

Afterwards I met Laura Edmunson on campus, and she asked me over to her apartment for  lunch. It was huge with corn of the cob, fried potatoes, and a ham sandwich.

After she left to go back to class, I went to the Cal State Fullerton book store  where I bought some of my text books for this semester. I paid $38 for all of them. Ridiculous  and most were paperbacks too.

Later in the evening I went to Taco Bell and picked up my paycheck  for $111 an then drove into Fullerton to the Taco Bell on Harbor where I used to work to pick up my W-2 form so I can file my taxes. I then went to Builder’s Emporium  to buy a tote bag to carry all my books. Jim Dalton was just getting off work  so I waited  so I could visit with hi.  We talked some before I drove him home to his apartment, but he didn’t invite me in.             KHJ’s top ten songs for the week are Climax’s “Precious and Few”, Nilsson’s “Without You”, Carpenter’s “Hurting Each Other”, Apollo 100’s “Joy”, Al Green’s “Let’s Stay together”, The Osmond’s “Down by the Lazy River”, Carly Simon’s “Anticipation”, Betty Wright’s “Clean Up Woman”, Robert John’s “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”, and Wilson Picket’s “Fire and Water”.

I really like Precious and Few and Anticipation reminds of the hard times in January but the song that really hurts my heart is “Without You” because it brings up memories of John Cunningham.

16 February 1972 Wednesday

I was up at 8 and showered to get prepared for school. I rode my bike and I really enjoy the exercise. It only takes me about 15 minutes at the most  to get on campus at the most.

            My first two classes are with Dr. Frazee who is also a Greek Orthodox Monk. I think I am going to like the instructor  more than the classes. Afterwards I have a two-hour break where during the first hour I eat lunch with Rich Ventura while we sit and visit.  I saw Nick Kelsey who came and joined us for lunch. He said that Wendy Warner and Kent Larsen from Cypress have resigned from the Bernstein House office. Later while taking with Karen Vander Gheden, she said she didn’t think they had. Who cares. They are ghosts to me now anyway.

            My next class is ta 2 with Dr. Sherwood Cummings  for American Literature. He’s this little old man who is witty, intelligent, bright, and very charming.  Afterwards at 3 I have the superb Mrs. Scoufos, even if she gave me a B I her class when I deserved an A.

            My grade from last semester were posted today I received an A in my Hebrew Prophets class, and Bs in both History of Christianity and Shakespeare.

            While out, I bought a wire basket for the back of my ten-speed to carry my books and bags to school.

            At home Mom said that Dad finally came home from the hospital today  but is still very weak and will be off work for a while. I guess they will go up to Yucaipa to spend the weekend.

17 February 1972 Thursday

I woke up at 7:30 but didn’t get out of bed until 8. It was a very pretty day although a little but hazy and you couldn’t see the Mountains. This morning I straightened up the apartment  and around 10 I drove to Grant’s Department Store  where I bought myself a pair of boots  which were on sale for $10. They are black leather with round buckle rings on the sides.

            As I stated to ride my ten-speed  to Cal State Fullerton, my back wheel started to drag  against the frame. I didn’t have time to fix it, so I went back to the apartment and drove the car. Since I didn’t have a parking pass, I parked in the parking lot  behind the Tiran Theater where I used to park when I lived in the dorms

            I went to just one class Mesopotamia, and it was a little bit boring . I hope it  gets better and more interesting.

            After class was over, I drove back to Sycamore Village  and took my bike over to Frank Welte to see if he could fix it and he did.  While  I was there on Hartford, I went to a yard sale  and bought  some dishes and plates for the apartment.

            In the late afternoon I used the complex’s locker room and sauna and used the jacuzzi quite a bit. I really enjoyed the men’s sauna and visited with some guys in there.   That made me antsy to get out, so I went to the show at the South Coast II Theater at the South Coast Plaza on Sun Flower and saw a crummy X rated movie called “Together.” It was playing with another movie “Naked Lady” but didn’t stay for it.

In the news President Nixon left for Red China today as part of the Ping Pong diplomacy.

18 February 1972 Friday

I was up at 8:30 then cleaned the kitchen and washed up all the dirty dishes before riding my bike over to Cedar Glen to meet Rich Ventura. We rode our bikes  to campus together and we even ate lunch together later after my classes.

            I attended all my classes today and, but it was amusing in my John Milton literature class when Mrs. Scoufos  told us of an incident that happened between her and a Dr. Adams who is supposedly a Milton literary critic.

At the Huntington Library where Mrs. Scoufos does much of her research, she encountered Dr. Adams at lunch. Discussing Milton, Adams scorned Mrs. Scoufos by asking who was her instructor and authority. When she told him who her professor was, Adams referred to him as “that Bastard” where upon Mrs. Scoufos dryly remarked to him, “I beg your pardon”, got up, and departed. I just laughed and laughed as did most of the class. You’d have to know how dignified, cool, demure, and sophisticated Mrs. Scoufos is to have appreciated the story. It also showed how foolish some literary critics  can behave.

            Anyway, after class I rode home and immediately went and sat naked in the sauna hoping to meet some of the complex’s other guys. I also swam a little in the pool. While it was nice and warm during the day it became a  bit nippy  at night when I went into work at Taco Bell

In the news the California death penalty was abolished  as cruel and unusual.

19 February 1972 Saturday

I went into work yesterday night at 11 and worked until 6  this morning. We were pretty busy, so I was very tired when I came home to the apartment. I slept until 12:30 in the afternoon them we to ride my bike down to the Fire Station t get it registered however when I got there, the place was closed for lunch. So, I rode over to Frank and Barb Welte’s  and chatted with them until  the fire station reopened.

            Afterwards I rode back to the apartment  and used the sauna and jacuzzi facilities for most of the afternoon.  A sauna is a small wooden enclosed room  which is heated by hot rocks mostly. You sit naked with a towel in it and is used to sweat and clean out your pores. A jacuzzi is a small, heated whirlpool  with mineral water and is very relaxing.

            About 6 , Laura Edmunson called and asked if I’d come over for dinner as Monte and Rich Ventura was going to be there also. Laura said something odd, that Rick Davis came over to her place yesterday. He must be lonely and realizes we weren’t all jerks.

            After eating a spaghetti dinner, I had to leave to go into work at 11.

20 February 1972 Sunday

It wasn’t very hectic at work, in fact it was kind of slow, so I only worked 6 hours and then went home and slept until 2 in the afternoon. When I got up to watch some TV there wasn’t anything on that was of interest,  so I went down by the pool and jacuzzi and read some to also get some sun. It was a nice warm day, and a lot of people were using the pool facilities. I met some guys by the jacuzzi, and we talked politics  for a while mainly about the war, the death penalty, and Red China. 

I need some academic stimulation as my brain is starving to death since John Cunningham left. Why can’t  find another John or even a better person.  The Lord of Hosts knows my needs and if it is his will, he will provide me with someone.

            When Pat McGuire came home this evening, he and his friend Bob Cupp  joined me in the sauna and jacuzzi. I noticed that Bob had to keep a towel over his lap. May be its just me but I was irritated with Pat and his friends who are starting to bug me. They make a mess in the apartment and don’t bother to clean up, but I am keeping my mouth shut.

            I had to go into work at 11. In the news Nixon is winging his way to China  and will meet with Chou En Lai and Mao Tse Tung  tomorrow.

21 February 1972 Monday

Cindy Paulsen left me at 1, but Dale stayed and talked to me until 4 in the morning I guess because he was lonely and doesn’t have anyone else. This really threw me behind because it had been a  real busy morning since today is Washington’s Birthday holiday.

            I didn’t mind him staying and it was kind of nice to have someone to talk to for the company as I am usually all alone. I think he would like for us to be more than friends but all that is behind me now.

            After Dale left, I managed  to clean everything and get the lot and patio done before Duane Pickett came in at 8 to relieve me. I stayed however and visited with him as he was in his office, before leaving for home. I was in bed by 9  and slept until 12:30 in the afternoon.

There was no school today because of the holiday so I decided to get up and use the sauna and jacuzzi. I stayed all afternoon either in the sauna, jacuzzi or laying out by the pool until 4. I then came back to my apartment  to eat something. It was nice out for a while but in the evening, things cooled off.

About 6 I rode my bike down to K-Mart and bought some notebook paper which was on sale and a bathing suit. I had been using my old gym trunks and jock strap. Afterwards I watched  TV for most of the rest of the night but during Laugh-In. Pam from work called and asked if I would go to Builder’s Emporium  to pick up a drill for Taco Bell as the one used to mix the pinto beans into frijoles quit working.  I said I would but when I got there the store was closed for the holiday.

I then called Jim Dalton just to visit but he wasn’t home, but Cathy O’Conner was, so I visited with her some. She said that Jim and Rick Davis went to the mountains today.

22 February 1972 Tuesday

Today is Breda Ludder’s 20^th birthday. It was a clear but cool dat. I rode my bike up to Cal State Fullerton  but didn’t attend my Mesopotamian  class  because actually I couldn’t remember the room number. Ha! Oh well. So, I just went back to the apartment  instead where I called Mom and visited on the phone some. She said that Aunt Beulah would sell e her dinette set for $20, and I snatched up the offer.

            In the late afternoon and early evening,  I went to Garden Grove to do  y laundry. My uncle Milton Williams and his brother-in-law Al Ruehlmann  were over visiting.

            I guess Milton and Marie are moving into their trailer coach  this coming weekend.

            When I came back to Fullerton in the evening , I first went to Savon’s across from Builder’s emporium  and bought a “peanut character”  lunch box  to carry my lunch  to school with me.  Then I went and sat in the jacuzzi for a while. The Sauna was too crowded with naked guys It sure makes you feel relax.

Later that night Dale from work came over to the apartment to pick up an album that Pat McGuire loaned him. He said that he really liked our apartment I think because I make it so homy.  I went to bed about 11:30

23 February 1972 Wednesday

 I was up at 8:30 to shower and get ready for school. I rode by bike with Rich Ventura until I spied Dr. Frazee  walking from his apartment,  so I walked by bike along with him the rest of the way to class.  There in my Christianity Class I visited some with Jerry Smith and later ate lunch with Nick Kelsey and Rich.

            I attended all my classes today even Mrs. Scoufos’ who had changed rooms. I like Mrs. Scoufos  a lot but I think she will be harder this semester.

            I bought a house plant on campus from a group trying to raise money  for an arboretum on campus.  It was a nice day to be riding my bike  although it was sort of cool out.

            Back at the apartment I went and used the jacuzzi and sauna with Bob Cupp and Pat McGuire. In the sauna I met this fellow named Ken Haynes, and we visited  a little  when we were out by the pool area.

            I am getting low on food  at the apartment  but will have to make do until get  my next paycheck.

            In  the evening I watched the Carol Burnett Show and Night Gallery. I also listened to some of my music on the stereo. When I went to bed, I was thinking  how strange it is that I used to like Jim Dalton and not Cathy O’Conner when now I like Cathy  and not Jim. Irony I suppose.

President Nixon is mainly in the news for being in Red China and Joe Kennedy III is safe from that hi-jacked airplane.

24 February 1972 Thursday

I was up by 10  and got ready to ride my bike with Rich Ventura. We were joined by Gordon Townsend  this time. In Mesopotamia History  we are studying the Egyptians and Hittites, but my teacher makes it so cut and dry. Afterwards I went to the apartment and then drove into Garden Grove  to get some money out of my savings and loan bank. Then I went to Mom’s house where my sister Charline  was there with the kids doing her wash.  I took my nephew James down to Magnolia Park for a little while, but we didn’t stay long as he was a little cranky and needed a nap.

            Dad has been off work and at home now and I guess he will be for some time while he heals. Grandma and grandpa Williams were down from Yucaipa visiting and they came to the house for dinner. While I was t Mom’s, Duane Pickett called and said that Pat McGuire called in sick and wanted me to work tonight his place.  I told him that I had school in the morning,  but he said that if I would work tonight, I could have Friday night off. So, I said yes although I really didn’t want to work tonight.

I left Garden Grove at 4 so I could go home to rest for the night. When I came into the apartment, I found out that Pat wasn’t even sick  but just didn’t want to work tonight. I was so mad and upset but what can you do? I tried to sleep  until going into work, but it was really hard.

25 February 1972 Friday

I went into work at midnight and worked with Gary until 12:30 when he left. Them the new boy they hired named Mark Lauria  came in. He seems to be rather nice, but I’ve found out the hard way that most people do on first impression.  He’s only 17 years old and goes to Katella High School.

            Anyway, we worked together until 3:00 when I sent him home as he was really tired.  We did have a pretty busy night,  so I am glad that Duane Pickett had him work with me. I stayed until 8 when Duane came in. The I skedaddle home to ger cleaned up  before going off to Cal State Fullerton. Before I left Jerry Smith called me and asked me to take notes for him in Christianity as  he wasn’t going to make it to class, I rode my ten=speed with Rich  and only went to my first class as I was just too fatigued  to spend all day  at school.  So, I rode back home. I was tired but didn’t want to go right to sleep  so I went to the recreation area since Pat McGuire  and his friends were using it too. His friends are really sophomoric just like he is. I think they are all smoking pot in Pat’s van.

            I laid out by the pool and used the jacuzzi until Pat and the others came out to use them, so I went and changed and sat in the sauna. I stayed much longer there than I should have but this older man was sitting in there naked without a towel. I couldn’t help but notice him and kept giving me sideway glances looking at me which intrigued me, but I knew it was wrong, so I finally left, changed back in to my swim suit in the men’s locker room and went back to the apartment. Pat and his pals were gone so I straightened up the place, watched some TV before heading to bed around 8. I had been up nearly 24 hours. 

            Pat better start doing some work around here because he’s kind of a slob and I  won’t have another Rick Davis who expected me to clean up after him.

26 February 1972 Saturday

I actually got to sleep in on a Saturday and it was glorious. I didn’t get up until 11 this morning. I guess it isn’t quite right to sleep  in so much, but I think God smiles at our little sins. I have big enough ones for him to worry about.

 When I got moving,  I worked on the leather belt I am making for a good part of the afternoon, and I was able to finish it. It’s not as nice I think  as the one, I made for Jim Dalton but it’s much more functional. I also taped on my cassette player some Chopin, Handel and Verdi symphonies and operas.

            In the evening I went to the Italian Market down the street and bought this huge loaf of Italian Bread. It was so good that I later brought some of it to work  to share with the kids there.

            But before that I soaked in the jacuzzi  but avoided the sauna . I talked with this kid named Ken Haynes for a long time. He’s 24 years old  but seems kind of distant  but still a nice person. After a while I said to him, “You’re a Capricorn, aren’t you?”  He was truly amazed  that I said that because he was. I have no idea why I am plagued with Capricorns. There is no love or friendship for me in that sign.

            Anyway, I went back to the apartment  and tried to sleep some before going into work at 11. I worked with Cindy Paulsen,  Dale, and Peggy until midnight then they left. I’m going to make a leather belt for Cindy  I think because she is so kind and nice to me..

27 February 1972 Sunday

At midnight Mark Lauria came in and Cindy Paulsen and Peggy left. Cindy was all excited because she got her Irish Settler puppy today. Pat McGuire came in at 1  and Mark stayed util 3:30 and I just worked with Pat until 6:00

I’ve about had it with Pat this morning. He inferred that I should do all  the work inside, front, and back  while he only picks up the lot and hose down the outside. I said forget it. He was implying I wasn’t doing my share of the work when in truth,  I am doing more than my share. I just don’t see how we can remain roommates with that attitude. I feel he’s really taking advantage of me.

When I came home,  I slept in until 1 in the afternoon  before getting up and dressed to drive over to Mom and Dad’s for dinner. Mom fixed  a turkey dinner with Corn Bread dressing, mash potatoes and gravy and the works.  She had my sister Donna, my sister Charline’s family, my Uncle and Aunt Milton and Marie over along with Marie’s brother Al Ruehlmann. Dinner was delicious as always.

Milton is keeping his  boat in the back yard for the time being and Marie had a new job working in Long Beach. Mom said she’s going to start looking for work again as dad has been off work for a while. Dad looks much better, however. Donna said she’s making some bone tools for her anthropology class.

On the way home I saw the Garden Theater on Lincoln that’s only about a mile and a half from Taco Bell. They were showing X-rated movies all the time now.

            I returned to Fullerton at 8:30 to try and sleep some before going back into work.

28 February 1972 Monday

I worked from 11 last night to 8 this morning mostly by myself. It was a steady night but not a particularly busy one. I stayed and talked a while with Duane Pickett  when he came in. I told him how Pat McGuire is slacking off and wanting me to do his work. Duane isn’t happy with Pat anyway.

            Then I drove back to the apartment, but I was just too fatigued to go to school, so I just fell into bed and slept until 2 in the afternoon.  Then I got up and went to lay by the pool. I am starting to get a nice tan. I read from my text books some to make up for not going to my classes.

            In the evening I looked in the mirror and decided I was tired  of my beard,  so I shaved it off. Immediately I regretted it and was sorry because my face seemed so naked. But it’s done now,  and I can always grow it back if I want.

            I watched some Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour  and also read some more of my Text Books.

 Later in the evening Pat said he wasn’t going to go into work again. I heard him call Duane and tell him a fantastic lie about his van breaking down in Costa Mesa. Duane said he’d drive down and pick him up, but he drove all that way for nothing as Pat was sitting in the front room. Pat, you really screwed yourself this time.

29 February Tuesday

Today is Leap Day and after waking up I prepared to go to Cal State Fullerton  but when I opened the front door, I saw how ugly and cold it was outside, so I decided to stay home rather than ride my bike. It  looked like rain  all day, but it never did.

Later in the morning this Mr. Williams called me again to tell me I had some more mail at his address, so I drove over there to retrieve it. I had a letter from Denise,  but she didn’t say much  except was just responding to my last letter to her

As I was out anyway, I drove down to Taco bell  to see if our paychecks  were ready, but they weren’t.  Duane Pickett  said that Denise left me a message to call her. I thought it must be important, so I did . She said she said she had quit her job in  and sked if she could crash at my place for a few days. Naturally I said certainly. She also said that she was rehired at Taco Bell and told me that Duane canned Pat McGuire because of the stunt he pulled last night. Duane didn’t tell me that when I saw him.

So, what to do with Pat now without him working at Taco Bell. I don’t even like him anymore. In the evening Pat and all his buddies came over and used the jacuzzi and the pool facilities but they were so rowdy  that the apartment manager had to come out and censor them. Deeper and deeper Pat is falling into a hole of his own making, but he doesn’t realize it yet.

February was a good month; no heartaches, a few worries i.e., Dad’s bleeding ulcers, but nothing  that didn’t work out okay. My Ford Galaxy was fixed at the first of the month and it really hasn’t given me much trouble since. That was one of my biggest headaches during the months of December and January.

            I’ve begun to make some quite good friends at Taco Bell although friends like Karen Gramsted are drifting away which is sad, but change is what constitutes life I suppose.

This new semester is really going to be a challenge. Jim Dalton has completely gone out of my life along with Rick Davis and Kathy O’Conner . The last vestiges I have of dorm memories are personified in Rich Ventura and Laura Edmunson.

Now what to do about Pat McGuire ? He’s been my roommate here at the Sycamore for six weeks, but my land lady says he has to go because he is such a mess. Who’s going to be my roommate  then? Denise? A stranger? Or do I go home defeated? What a soap opera life can be.

I haven’t seen Ralph Ludders in a long time since he and Brenda joined the Mormon Church. Shall I join the Mormon Church  too or no church at all? Shall I be a church unto myself as that my body is a temple of the lord. Shall I be a solitary Church of Jesus Christ too?

Additional Memoirs

Ralph and Brenda Ludders were converted to the Mormon Church in February 1972, and I was so appalled and tried to convince them of their error.  I began reading all that I could about Mormons and asking people about how they felt about them and there were so many conflicting views.

My Dad did not like the Mormons at all because the owner of H and L Distributers was a Mormon and he thought that was very hypocritical considering their views on alcohol consumption. 

A stranger who once saw me reading the Book of Mormon, stopped to tell me that Mormons were very bad people.

Confused by what Ralph and Brenda had experienced and what I was hearing, I enrolled in Cal State Fullerton’s Institution of Religion to take classes myself. I think I was more impressed by the cult-like enthusiasm I felt there, than any of the Doctrine I was learning but I was ready to belong to something.

Besides, all the Mormon kids I knew from Cypress College were Gay and two of my favorite teachers from there, Thomas Reeve and Terry O’Brien, were Mormons. I learned much later that O’Brien was Gay, and Reeve had some closet issues

 

MARCH

1 March 1972  Wednesday

I got paid today and cleared $80. I was up at 9 this morning and go t ready for my classes. I rode bikes with Rich Ventura and later ate lunch with him. In my Christianity class we are still discussing the so-called heresies  of the Catholic Church. Jerry Smith was absent today,  so I took good notes for him again.

In my Byzantine History class, we are still discussing the effects of Emperor Constantine and his sons  on the Byzantium world.

After class I went and ate lunch  with Rich  over on the grass near the library. I told him about Pat McGuire losing his job and as we visited, I advised Rich  to stop letting his cousin Monte use him as his personal live-in maid.

I saw Nick Kelsey today from my old Cypress College days and we visited a while  become I went to my American Literature class. Afterwards  I went to my John Milton literature Class.

I rode my bike back to the Sycamore and paid  this month’s rent. I talked with my landlady while paying my rent and she said again I should start looking around for another roommate  because she is going to ask Pat  to leave at the beginning of April. I saw this coming, so it wasn’t big surprise.

I watched some TV tonight mainly the Carol Burnett Show and Night Gallery.

It was a beautiful day this first day of March  as it was warm and sunny. They say we are in a drought though because it hasn’t rain much at all.

2 March 1972 Thursday

It was a warm beautiful day for March. I rode with Richard Ventura to campus and went to my History of Mesopotamia class  which I don’t think I’m going to care much for it because the instructor is so dry. I may end up dropping it.

            After class let out, I went and ate lunch with Rich in the Commons. I had a chef salad and a coke. We sat on the benches outside because it was so nice out.

            I then drove back to the apartment and decided to drive to Garden Grove  where I went to my bank and deposited $155 into my checking account. I also went by my sister Charline’s place to pick up my tickets that she bought for me for Disneyland. Charline and Dennis are taking James and Denise to it, while I am taking Laura Edmunson.

            At home, Mom and Dad were gone as they had taken my nephew James to Knotts Berry Farm. I also went to my Savings and Loan  bank to take out $15  to last me until I get paid again.

            Back at the Sycamore, I laid out in the sun by the pool for a few hours reading, while trying to start a tan.

            Jerry Smith called me in the evening  and said that he was going to drop the Christian Church history class and that his mother was in the hospital with a  heart condition. 

3 March 1972 Friday

What a day today was. When I was up, I didn’t  go to my morning class but rather stayed home and finished my term paper on Emperor Constantine for my History of Byzantium class. When I tried to take shower to get cleaned up to go to my afternoon classes at Cal State Fullerton, I found out that all the water  was cut off for some reason. So instead, I went swimming in their pool and bathed that way.

            At school in Mrs. Cumming’s American Literature class, we had a quiz  which I think  I did well on.

After school, I came back to the apartment and rested some before  getting ready to go to Disneyland  with Laura Edmunson. When I went to the car to start it the battery was dead because someone had stolen it and replaced mine with a dead one. I was so furious . I called my dad’s friend Frank Welte up who lived not far away, and he said he’d come over with jumper cable to start it.

            After the ford was running,  I drove over to pick up Laura  and there it died again. I couldn’t get a hold of Mom or Charline, however I found Paul Blankenship  and he said he would try to jump start the car. It worked, so finally Laura and I went to Anaheim and at a nearby gas station I had the battery charged. We ended up being an hour late to Disneyland but still it was a lot of fun .

We went on most of the rides except the Matterhorn where the lines were too long and crowded. Actually, there wasn’t really that many people in the park so most of the rides and attractions were easy to get into.

            We left at 1 in the morning and after dropping Laura off at her apartment I went into work at Taco Bell at 2. Except for car troubles it was a beautiful day. I had fun with Laura but in some ways, I missed being at Disneyland with John Cunningham as so much there reminded me of us when were used to go.

4 March 1972 Saturday

It was super busy at work  when I went in  because Duane Pickett  had forgotten to schedule someone  to come work in my place. Only Peggy and Mark Lauria  were in to handle the Katella High School crowd and the place was an absolute mess. I sent Mark home around 4 and worked until 9 so I didn’t lose  any hours by going to Disneyland.

            Back at the Sycamore I slept from 10 until 3 in the afternoon because I couldn’t sleep any longer  because it was such a hot day at 90 degrees. Mark Lauria came over in the afternoon for a little bit and I showed him the apartment. He’s been thinking about moving in with me if he can swing it. So far, the Ford has been running good since have the battery charged.

At 4:30 I went over to Janet Walton and Laura Edmunson’s place for Laura had asked me over for dinner because Dave Gubser was down from Glendale. A lot of the old Othry Hall dorm kids  were invited. I hadn’t seen Dave Gubser since before I left to go to Texas last November for my grandparent’s 50^th anniversary celebration.

            Anyway, those there besides Dave and me were Janet Walton, Laura Edmunson,  Rich Ventura, Monte Ventura , Paul Blankenship, Miguel, and Henry.  We were all invited  for a get together dinner  and I really had a good time as it was a lot of fun like in the old days at the dorm.

            I’m glad that Dave is becoming more of his old self. I heard that Monte has decided to move from Orange County to Beverley Hills which will leave Gordon Townsend and Rich stranded at the Cedar Glen. I think that is a rotten trick

5 March 1972 Sunday

I went into work at 1 this morning and worked until 9. We were pretty steady and busy all night,  well in to the morning . Mark Lauria told me how yesterday he saw Pat McGuire and he said that he had told him that I had my battery stolen but that he didn’t do it because he got his battery for his car at a swap meet.

I thought this was funny  because I never told Pat that my battery had been stolen  so now, I am convinced  that he is the one who took it. I guess I will have to forgive him,  but I just don’t want to live with him anymore. It’s not that he’s that malicious  but he’s just inconsiderate, takes my things, never cleans, and I’m worried about what else he might try to pull.

            Mark left  at 6  this morning to go Tijuana, Mexico with some friends  and I stayed until 9 when Jackie came in to relieve me.  I visited with her for a while because she didn’t know that Pat had been fired by Duane Pickett .

After I came back to the apartment , I read the Sunday newspaper then went to bed finally. I slept until 6 in the evening. When I was up to fix me something to eat, Bob Capp and Dave Shaffer came by to use the pool to go swimming. After letting them in the pool gate, I went back to bed and slept  until 10 when then I was up again to go into work ay 11.

            In the news  there is a scandal involving the Justice Department involving General Attorney John Mitchell and  Richard Kleindienst  with I.T.T.  about the GOP convention in San Diego.

6 March 1972 Monday

I came into work at 11:00 yesterday and worked until 8 when Duane Pickett  came in to relieve me. Dale stayed until about 1  and then I was by myself and just cleaned up the place good for Duane Pickett . I stayed until 8:30 talking to Duane Pickett about hiring Gordon Townsend to replace Pat McGuire on a graveyard shift.  Duane is pretty fair and a nice person even under his attempted authoritarian demeanor.

I went to the apartment  and got ready for classes. I rode up to campus with Rich Ventura  and I just went to one class, History of Christianity, in which I had that paper due.

Afterwards I went over to the Institute of Religion and paid my registration fee of $3.50  to get into that Book of Mormon night class which starts tomorrow. I then came home to the apartment at 11:30 and went to bed and slept until 6 in the evening.

 Pat McGuire’s friend Dave Shaffer came over this evening and we talked and watched some TV  until 9:30 when Pat woke up. They left then about 10 and I watched Sonny and Cher before going back to bed at 11:30.

7 March 1972 Tuesday

I was up at 9:30 and I called Rich Ventura to tell him I wouldn’t be going to school today and he’d have to ride there on his own way there.  It was a cool, cloudy day and it looked like it might rain but it never did. I cleaned the apartment  up for most of the afternoon  because I expected Denise to come down to visit. I waited until 3:30 in the afternoon but she never showed. So, I decided to go home to Garden Grove and do some laundry.

            The newsletter from the Garden Grove Historical Society  came today and they printed excerpts from my paper I wrote on the Garden Grove Police department last year.  Mom and Dad was so jazzed  about it so maybe they were proud. I decided to go to the meeting tonight instead of to my Book of Mormon night class.

 The meeting was interesting,  but I don’t think I will go to another one. I just don’t feel a part of it anymore, although they are doing a wonderful job on the construction of the museum and restoration of the Stanley House. A year ago, I gave a speech on the Magnolia Cemetery at the Historical Society. The meeting was over with at 9 so I went back to Dale Street. Mom had bought me some groceries, so I gathered them up and my laundry and came back to my apartment . I finally went to bed at midnight.

8 March 1972 Wednesday

It was really cloudy and cold this morning but by the afternoon the weather had turned nice  and war,  I went to school with Rich and attended all my classes. I had a quiz  in Dr. Frazee’s Christian Church class and in American Lit  I had my quiz from last Friday returned on which I did  horrible. I received a C- and I was disappointed  as I thought it was a good paper. Cummings is going to be a lot tougher than I initially thought.  I heard from Rich that Gordon Townsend was hired to work at Taco Bell during the week

            After classes I just went home and straightened the place up. Since I was lonely in the evening, I called Laura Edmunson up to see if I could come over to watch TV  with her. She said sure  so we watched the Carol Burnet Show and Night Gallery together. Paul Blankenship came over also to watch TV  with Janet Walton.

            I left after the shows were over and was home around 11:30 and went to bed. In the news the results of yesterday New Hampshire primary showed that Nixon won the on the Republican ticket with nearly 70 percent  of the vote. Pete McClosky only received 20 percent. On the Democratic side, Senator Edmund Muskie received 47 percent, George McGovern 30 percent, and Mayor Sam Yorty 6 percent. Wilbur Mills and Vance Hartke received even less. I would like to see McGovern as president.

9 March 1972 Thursday

I didn’t go to my Mesopotamia History class because I have pretty well decided to drop it. I can’t really get into it  because it seems way to dry and besides all the reading that is required is making me fall behind in my other subjects.  I’m going to have to devote  more time to my American Lit class  than I thought.

            I spent a good part of the afternoon lounging out in the sun near the Sycamore Village pool. I’m slowly building up a tan. I was reading the Book of Nephi when found a watch and returned it to this older German man who was pretty interesting to listen too. He was down in the dumps because so many things had gone wrong for him recently. I suggested that it’s not doing things we like that makes us happy but rather liking the things we have to do. It’s times like these that make us appreciate the dullness in our lives.

            In the evening I just worked some on my term paper that us due in my Byzantium class this Monday and taped some more songs off the radio.

            Around 11 some friends of Pat McGuire came over, Bob Cupp, Dave Shaffer, and Jerry. They didn’t stay long because Pat had to go into work at 1.

10 March 1972 Friday

I went to school today with Rich Ventura and I only went to two classes, Dr. Frazee’s Christian Church, and Byzantium classes.  In Christian Church  we got our tests back and I had a B+ . In the Byzantium class we are discussing Emperor Justinian now. I have a paper due in that class on Monday. Ugh.

            At noon I went and ate lunch with Rich Ventura and Nick Kelsey until 1 then I went to the administration building  to turn in my drop card for that Mesopotamian class. I only have 12 units  now so I will have to go to Summer school  to pick up some more credits.

I went home afterwards instead of to Mr. Cumming’s Literature Class. At the Apartment I laid out in the sun by the pool for a while because it was so pretty out. Then in the evening  I began to write some of my report for my Byzantium paper. I am writing it on the barbarian and goths invasion of the Roman Empire.

            I went into work at Taco Bell at 11 and we were pretty busy, but I managed to visit with Cindy Paulsen, and she said that Denise has decided to stay and live in Santa Monica rather then come back to Orange County. It was a nice warm day today once the morning haze had lifted.

11 March 1972 Saturday

Mark Lauria came in at midnight and we were super busy all night long. It was the busiest morning I had ever worked here. Cindy Paulsen and Peggy left at 1 but Dale stayed to visit with Mark and I until 2:30. Mark and Dale both want to move out with me, but I think dale is more talk than action. However, I think Mark is serious.

            I left at 7 this morning  because it too me that long to get all my work done. Back at the apartment I slept until 4 in the afternoon  because Pat McGuire’s rowdy friends came over and woke me up. So, I got up and wrote some more on my term paper and I finished writing it at 7. So, I went back to bed to sleep some more before going back into work. However, at 8:30 Taco bell called and asked if I could come in at 9 instead of 11. I didn’t want to, but I did because they were shorthanded. I was super tired but luckily, we weren’t that busy tonight as we were this morning.

12 March 1972 Sunday

Mark Lauria came in at 1 this morning and Cindy Paulsen and Peggy  stayed until then on the clock but ten two of their boyfriends came  up and they all stayed and stuck around until 3 visiting and goofing.  We weren’t all that busy  but will still did a pretty good morning.

            I told Mark that my landlady  said she would know for sure  by next week whether she would ask Pat McGuire  to leave or not because of his being a trouble maker and nuisance. She said she would also let me know  whether there will be a two-bedroom apartment available soon.

            I left at 6 this morning  after getting  most of the work done and then went home to sleep which I did until 4:30. I then got up and typed up my Byzantium term paper for the rest of the evening  and loafed around some before heading back to Taco Bell ay 11:00. The weather has turned somewhat cooler.

13 March 1972 Monday

The night went fast  because it was just an ordinary morning. I was able to get all my work done by 8 when Duane Pickett  came in, but he asked if I’d stay until 9 so he could take Rick Watson, who is the owner of this Taco Bell franchise  to go get his car fixed. I said I would  but because of it I didn’t make it to my Christianity Class . In fact, the only class I went to bat was my Byzantine one and that was only because I had a paper du in it.

            I came back to the apartment  after that class and went straight to bed. I was so exhausted  that I slept until 10 tonight. Then I got up and watched the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour and stayed up to watch a  W.C Fields movie Poppy at midnight on Channel 5 before going back to bed.

In the news the Republicans are still embroiled in the I.T.T. scandal.

14 March 1972 Tuesday

I was up rather early  today but didn’t do much  since I canceled my Mesopotamia Class.  In the late afternoon I drove over to my Uncle and Aunt Milton and Marie‘s now that they live so close to me in Anaheim Hills only about 5 miles away. In fact, my cousin Stephanie will go to Valencia High School which is just down the street from where I live.  Only my aunt was home so just stayed a bit.  It was still smoggy out today but not nearly as bad as it has been.

In the evening at 6 I rode my bike over to Builder’s Emporium  to see Jim Dalton. It’s been such a long time. I guess he is doing fine and well in school. I had to leave at 7:15 to make it to class at the Institute of Religion  but found on when I got there that class was canceled for the night. So Instead, I rode back to see Jim.  Since he seemed a little interested in my activity with the Mormons, I gave him my Book of Mormon I had for class, for him to read and decide for himself what it is all about.

I was kind of lonely tonight, so I rode over to campus and went to the Fine Arts building just to sit in the hall and watch guys go in and out of the second-floor men’s room but came back to the apartment before I was tempted to do anything.

Around 8, Dave Shaffer, Pat McGuire’s friend dropped by, and we visited until Pat came home. They stayed up watching TV, but I went to bed as I was tired from riding my bike all day.

In the news George Wallace won the Democratic primary in Florida. In KHJ’s top ten, Neil Young’s “Heart of Gold”, “Without You”, America’s “Horse with No Name”, Malo’s “Suavecito”, “Down by the Lazy River”, Bread’s “Everything I Own”, Paul Simon’s “Mother and Child Reunion”, T. Rex’s “Bang a Gong”, Cher’s “The Way of Love”, and Mike Kennedy’s “Louisiana” are played constantly.  The song “Everything I Own” makes me really nostalgic for John Cunningham  from the sad lyrics “The finest years I ever knew were all the years I had with you, and I would give anything I own would give up my life, my heart, my home I would give everything I own just to have you back again to have you back again”.  I can hardly hear them without my heart hurting.

15 March 1972 Wednesday

I was up at 8 and then showered shaved and got dressed for school. Dave Shaffer, Pat McGuire’s friend came by this morning  and stayed to talk with Pat when I left. I wonder what those two are up to. It was cold and cloudy  this morning,  but it soon turned into a smoggy day. It grew so bad that I couldn’t remain at school. You couldn’t see the buildings across the quad from one another. I didn’t want to remain at school, so I rode on home where I rested  and waited for the smog to lift.

Then I drove over to East Anaheim to visit with my Uncle and Aunt Milton and Marie. They said they were pretty well settled in at their new house. Stephanie will be going to Valencia High School which is about a half mile down the street from where I leave at Bradford and Yorba Linda.

After staying a while, I  drove back to the apartment about 6 and decided rather than be alone  and tempted to go on campus again, I decided to call Laura Edmunson up and ask her over for dinner and to watch some TV with me. We had a hash, peas, nice salad, and French rolls. I had fixed an Orange cake for desert.

We watched the last half of West Side Story  and then Night Gallery. Afterwards we went over to Cedar Glen to visit with Monte before taking Laura home to her place. While at Cedar Glen I picked up my paycheck that Gordon Townsend brought home for me. I cleared $88.

16 March 1972 Thursday

I slept in until 11  this morning. When I got up, I straightened up the apartment  then drove to Garden Grove to put my paycheck into my checking account. I also bought some scented candles for the apartment while I was out.

While I was in the area, I was in the mood to go over to Cypress College to see some of the old gang. I went to the Bernstein House office and saw Kent Larsen who hadn’t quit after all. We visited for a long-time about where we are at in our lives.  He invited me over for dinner and I accepted. It’s been a long time since I had been at his house on St Marks Street.

 There I visited with his mother some as I have always liked her. It was the first time I ever had rhubarb pie. It was different but kind of good.

After dinner, Kent took me next door to visit with his neighbors Tom and Jean Johnson. Jean is  an art teacher at Pacific High School and Tom’s an artist in paint. We  got to talking about religion for awhile with them saying that it is a crutch. Then a friend of Kent’s  called and was really upset over a personal matter so I left for home so that Kent could  talk freely about some homosexual issues.  Before leaving however I invited Kent, his friend Greg, and Karen Vander Gheden, over to my place next Wednesday for dinner.  

17 March 1972 Friday

 I was up and down all night with a sore throat. I tried gargling  with salt water, but it didn’t’ help much. On top of this, my nose is running, and I am feeling achy.  I must be coming down with a virus, I called Rich Ventura  and told him to go on ahead to school. I didn’t go to Cal State Fullerton until 11 when I had to take Dr. Frazee’s quiz in my Byzantium class.  At noon I sat and visited with Rich some  at lunch. He said that the reason that Gordon Townsend quit Taco Bell was because he found a job at the school library during day hours.

            After lunch I went to the Health Center on the 5^th floor of the Science Building . There the nurse coated my throat with some medicine and gave me some stuff to take for my nose. I still felt cruddy  all day.

            Since Richard’s class was canceled, he threw his bike into the back seat and rode home with me in the Ford Galaxy.

            At the apartment I went back to bed  and slept until 6 where the I got up  and went over to Cedar Glen where Rich had invited me for dinner. We had enchiladas and they were so good. Mom always said to eat something spicy when down with a cold. I came back to the Sycamore Village at 7:30, paid some bills, and rested until it was time to go back into work.

18 March 1972 Saturday

It was a super busy morning at Taco Bell, and I didn’t get off work until 8. Cindy Paulsen is also sick. She has mononucleosis. I know I don’t have that because I haven’t kissed anyone in years.

Mark Lauria fell behind on his work, so I had to work the front and the back, plus doing all the mopping, and squeegeeing the floors. My nose was still runny all night too  which didn’t help any. Dale stayed until 2:30 to help out and I had him wait on customers, so I didn’t have to. I just washed pots and pans and stocked until it slowed down.

Janet Walton, Paul Blankenship, and  his brother came up to Taco Bell  to see me early on my shift  but when a friend of Cindy’s named Chriss Davis came in and wanted to visit with me that was what really put us really behind as he stayed until 6.

When I came home from work,  I went straight to bed and slept until 5:30. When I got up, I saw that Pat McGuire had bought a lamp for the front room. The place is really shaping up now, even if Pat doesn’t know he’s going to be kicked out.

            I called Karen Gramsted about 6 this evening and we visited for a long time to catch up. She told me what’s new with her and her brother but nothing much was. She said she wants to get back into school which she had quit last year.

            After hanging up I went to the show and saw “Tales from the Crypt” and “the House That Dripped Blood” at the United Artist Theater in Santa Ana. Surprisingly they were both entertaining.

19 March 1972 Sunday

I went into work at 1 this morning. Duane has scheduled me to work from 1 until 9 in the morning on Sundays from now on. We were busy again  but nearly as much as yesterday. Mark Lauria left about 1 so I had very little to do until  Jackie came in to relieve me at 9. I stayed and visited with her some about changes going on down here before going  back to the apartment.  There I called Mom and she said that everything was fine over there. Grandma and Grandpa Williams may come down next week  and if they do the might bring down my dining room table, I bought from Aunt Beulah.

            Then I read the Sunday Newspaper  but there wasn’t anything in it that was very interesting. President Nixon is back in the news because of his plans to prevent bussing of black students  as a means to achieve racial  integration.

            I finally went to bed at 11 and slept  all day and evening until 9:30 at night. I think some of that is to simply avoid dealing with Pat McGuire. I have got to get back into the habit of reading my text books and studying for my classes or my grades are going to go right down the toilet.

 I went into work at 11 .

20 March 1972 Monday

Today is Mom and Dad’s 26^th wedding anniversary. They were married in Olton, Texas. I worked by myself all morning  long but since it was really slow, I was able to get all my work done.

Chris Davis came up again to see me around 1:30  and stayed until 4 visiting with me while I shredded the cheese, lettuce, and cut a bag of onions.  He really needed someone to talk to and I am always willing to listen and give comfort where I can.

He said he’s despondent about being a Christian because it is so hard  pertaining  to the subject of sex. I told him that I believed that God is the least worried about your sex life as he is about how you behave and treat others.

 I believe that if you abhor war, hatred, and hypocrisy; if you are kind, loving  and gentle towards people and animals and are trying to follow the commandments of Jesus, this is what God desires and requires.

God desires kindness from us rather than being selfish, and thus if you and a kind person, sex becomes a giving thing  rather than a taking issue.  Only sex acts that degrade and hurt one another such as rape and adultery  should be avoided as sin. Also, sex without love is wrong.   This advice seemed to helped Chris some when he left.

            Getting off work  I slept for the rest of the  day until 9 at night when I called  Rich Ventura  to see who he was doing. Laura Edmunson also brought me a homemade apple pie to celebrate the first day of spring.

Also, Duane Pickett called and asked if I would come in tomorrow and work a day shift. I said I would because I need the money and I no longer have any classes on Tuesdays.

21 March 1972 Tuesday

I woke up early this first day of spring and ate some breakfast before the sun came up and fasted after that. L lit my scented candles and they glowed pure and white.

            Outside it was an overcast and dismal looking day for most of the morning. However, in the afternoon, it warmed up  to 76 degrees.

            I went into work tat 10:30 this morning and Duane Pickett was in a foul mood  because 60 lbs. of grounded meat had spoiled. Later he cheered up and was pulling my leg with his corny stories.  I was the only boy in the store, and I think Duane missed having some guys around.

            I worked almost totally with Allyson, except at the noon time lunch rush. This girl named Kris came on to help work the front line. We  got these name tags now that we have to wear. They are kind of nice.  

I was off at 5 and when home immediately  so exhausted. I fasted today until the sun went down  and sang some hymns as I hope this new time of year will help me keep the commandments better.

I was weak  and didn’t feel like going to my Book of Mormon class at the Institute,  so I just went to bed to sleep.

I pray that with a new season that I will be able to resist He stayed until 6  ad temptation  and be blessed.  .

 

22 March 1972 Wednesday

I was up at 6 because I couldn’t sleep anymore so I cleaned the kitchen, and I was going to take the hamburger meat out of the freezer to thaw for the dinner party tonight  when I discovered it was gone. I knew exactly who took it, so I woke Pat McGuire up and demanded to know what he did with it. Pat said he took it over to his girlfriend Judy’s and they ate it. I was so angry and said, “Don’t you have any consideration for me at all”. I told him that I wanted the 2 pounds of hamburger back by this afternoon, $3 more for his share of the phone bill, and for him to find another place to live. I was done.  I had had it with him. I was so furious. I also decided that I needed to move because I can’t afford to live here by myself.

 I then rode over to Rich Ventura’s place, and we rode our bikes up to campus together where I attended all my classes today.

            In my Milton Literature Class , Karen Vander Gheden, said she didn’t think that Kent Larsen, Greg, and she would make it over for supper tonight. Later Kent called and said he could come after all but by then I had already made other arrangements to eat dinner over at Laura Edmunson, so I asked him to bring the others  over tomorrow for dinner instead

            I packed away some odds and ends  in the apartment before going over to Laura’s where I stayed until 11 tonight.  Oh, how I hate to leave my apartment from which I had high hopes but mostly disappointments; so many memories will remain behind but with kicking Pat out I don’t have much choice. As the song says, “We can never know about the days to come.”

23 March 1972 Thursday

Compared to yesterday it was a very active and exciting day. I woke up early  around 7 to get ready to drive Laura Edmunson to Cal State Fullerton  because I said I would at dinner yesterday, and after dropping her off, I went home to Garden Grove around 10. There I did some of my laundry and unloaded some of my belongings from the apartment.

 I then drove over to Cypress College to see Kent Larsen and Sally Johnson who was back from Montana. We visited for a long time, but I could tell that we were drifting apart.

            Later in the late afternoon we went to the Cypress Library Lecture Hall and watched a moved  called “Lust for Life” since it was Vincent Van Gogh” day at the Bernstein House. Kent loves the song “Vincent’ by Don McLean. It was good to see Kent, Sally, and Wendy Warner  all together again at Cypress. It was almost like  being transported  to a time a  year ago before I graduated.  Memories of the Othry Hall, Jim Dalton. Of Sycamore Village  all seemed to fade away and disappear while I was there.

I so love Cypress College and sometimes I wish I could join those concrete walls where I loved John Cunningham and merge within them for eternity.

After the show was over, I went back to my apartment  and straightened up the place  because Kent and Greg were coming over for dinner and to see the place.  I didn’t have time to cook and Pat never returned the meat, so I brought home some Chinese takeout of chop suey and egg rolls. We had a nice visit, and I can tell that Kent is smitten with Greg. 

Today was so nice and pleasant but it felt somewhat incomplete. Only if by God’s love could I see John Cunningham  again and know that he is well and happy would it been complete, but alas I made a covenant with God to leave John behind in my past with my other sins.  

24 March 1972 Friday

By almost a miracle as if God heard my prayers, I saw John Cunningham today. Not only did I see him  but actually visited with him and ate dinner with him.

            I was driving by McDonald’s on Dale Street and Katella when I spotted John’s yellow Karma Ghia. I immediately pulled into the parking lot went inside and saw John ordering at the counter. He acted surprised to see me but also glad. We sat down at a seat with our food. He had fries and a 65 cent Big Mac, and I had a 48 cent Fillet of Fish which I bought for the both of us and our cokes.

            We visited and I asked him whether the military has got him yet. John ‘s draft lottery number is 53 but he said he is back in school and was able to keep his student deferment  to keep him from having to go into the military and maybe even Vietnam.  I was always so afraid  that he would be called up after he dropped out of Cypress.

 John said he wasn’t getting along with his brothers Andy and James so that is why he had moved to Tujunga back in with his parents where he has a box boy job making $2.00 an hour up there.  He said he had come down to Orange County to apply  for some Civil Service job, one in particular was fighting fires in the Santa Ana Mountains. Oh, how wonderful it would be for John to move back to Orange County and not be so far away. How perfect it felt to look at him once more even if for a brief ephemeral  few hours.

When he had to leave, I almost couldn’t stand to see him going, not knowing whether I would ever see him again. I wanted to hold him but knew that would be impossible, so we just shook hands.

However, my heart can almost burst with joy knowing John is safe from being drafted, by God’s mercy.  I can’t write enough to express my joy at being with John once more nor my love for this miracle where God gave me a respite to be with the one, I love even if it’s a sin. I will praise God to the end of my days for allowing me to actually be with John one more time.

25 March 1972 Saturday

I went into work at Taco Bell at 11 last night and worked until  7 this morning. I didn’t see Cindy Paulsen  this morning because she had the night off. Patty worked in her place. It was a slow Frida-Saturday  morning .

            When I came back to the apartment , I slept until 4:30  then got up and decided to go to the show  to get out of the house. I went to the Loew’s Century 21  and saw Bruce Dern in “Silent Running” which was a good science fiction movie about the ecology. I then went to Dale Street where  I slept for 2 more hours before going back into work.

            I was supposed to have ben a hot and hazy day  but since I slept for most of it,  I couldn’t tell. I still feel exuberant  from being with John Cunningham yesterday. My heart is full and contented. Should I die  at this moment I shall be grateful and satisfied that the Lord was so kind to me. Now I suppose I need to wait to see which way the Lord will lead me now. Only in him will I be able to overcome my sinful nature.

Still tank you  dear Lord  for watching over and caring for John  even though he doesn’t even know you as I do.

26 March 1972 Sunday

I went into work at 1:00 and worked until 9 in the morning. Since the night was so slow , I sent the girls home before we got a chance to visit. I worked with ark Lauria  who stayed util 6 hen he finished hi s chores and went home. He said he’s going to Rosarita, Mexico  for Easter Vacation  which should be a lot of fun for him.

            I like Mark a lot. He’s such a little boy at times that it’s hard not to like him. He will argue with me just for the sake of arguing . He gets me mad by teasing me, that I am so old  and serious, so that when I finally blow up, he acts  all chastised . He more or less says, “I want to be your friend” like a puppy dog but them proceeds to go about the whole commotion again.

            When I was off work, I came back to the apartment  and slept until it was time to get up and go to work again. I am glad that Pat McGuire is out of here, but it does feel like I am all alone again.

I have a lot to do this week, because I will have to work Mark’s shift, move back home to Dale Street and study for exams.

            I’ve fallen so far behind in my reading and college will be over the 31^st of May. Work. Work. Work. It’s all that I do  but I glory in the Lord, and I feel no weariness  when I am assured of his love for me. God can exist without me,  but can I exist without his love?

27 March 1972 Monday

I worked finally with Cindy Paulsen again as she has either been sick  or off work when ever I worked. Peggy, Dale, Chris, and Cindy all stayed until 4 in the morning even though their shifts ended at midnight. We were just sitting around in the back rapping about life.

It was an average morning but because of all the visiting we did, I didn’t get my work completely done by the time Duane Pickett  came  in, so I stayed  after my shift was up to finish some of it.

Spring Recess began to day for Easter Vacation so no school for all this week. When I was off work, I went over to see my Uncle and Aunt Milton and Marie  to pick up a ceramic coat of arms that Marie wanted me to paint  for her. Milton couldn’t find it, so  I said I’d come back tomorrow to get it.

            The day was beautiful, a warm, clear, and sunshiny day although it was a bit breezy out. I laid out by the Sycamore Village pool to enjoy it while I am still living here. Around 3 I decided to finally go to bed. I then slept until it was time to go into wok to cover Mark Lauria’s shift

            I did pack  away a few more things  to get them ready to take home to Garden Grove. I had said to Mom  that at least I am coming home with more things than when I left. Maybe that is kind of a consolation of having to give up my apartment.

28 March 1972 Tuesday

It was a fairly steady night  but not exactly busy. I worked until 8 this morning for my shift but I stayed until 10 because Duane Pickett  and were discussing our views on religion until Allyson came in . It was kind of interesting  discussing this sort of subject with my boss.

            When I returned to my apartment I slept until 5  when then I got up to move some more odds and ends  home. Jerry Smith was going to help me move my furniture today, but he said he was starting to come down with a cold  s we put it off until Thursday.

            At home in garden Grove , I slept some before going into work at Taco  Bell. I sure would like to see Ralph Ludders and get a hold of him. I need to tell him that I’m moving back home. I haven’t seen him in such a long time probably not since he became a Mormon. If God wills it, I will see him tomorrow.

            So here I am back at my parents. Home. Home. Home. Where is home?  I guess home is where ever God is.

29 March 1972 Wednesday

Taco Bell was kind of busy  this morning  but not so much as not to get all my work done. I left at 8 and I immediately drove over to Cedar Glenn to see the Ventura’s before they left for Fresno. Monte, Rich, Tammi, Michelle, and Monte’s mother were all there and they left around 10.

So, I went to my apartment  to try and get some sleep  before Laura Edmunson’s party  at 5. However, Ralph Ludder came over around 1 and stayed until 5 so I didn’t get any more sleep, but it was good to visit with him.

Ralph said Brenda  is going back to Texas to spend Easter with her parents who live there, and he wasn’t.  So, I asked him over to Mom’s for Easter if he didn’t have other plans. He said he would if his own mom and dad haven’t any plans for Easter dinner themselves.

            After he left, I went over to Laura’s place where Phyllis Lewis, Dave Gubser, Gordon Townsend, Janet Walton, Henry, and Miguel were there. Laura was having a  barbeque and being there with the dormitory gang was a lot of fun. I knew I should have gone home after eating to rest but I stayed until 10 as we were playing charades and Password which was highly entertaining. It was good joyous fun but sure made me tired for work.

This is probably the last time I will ever sleep in this apartment  at 3300 Palm Drive number 331.

30 March 1972 Thursday

I went into work at midnight  so very tired and cranky. I was rude to Dale only because I was so grouchy from lack of sleep.  It was a fairly steady night, but not really busy and I was glad to see my shift end.

I went straight to Garden grove  from work to be cleaning the garage  so I could store my couch in there. At 11, Jerry Smith came over and drove dad’s pick up  over to the apartment where he and I moved the bulk of the furniture out. It took us two trip to get everything out and I was so exhausted by the time we were through. I gave Jerry Smith anything he wanted  for helping me although it wasn’t necessary. Jerry is such a good friend.

            I went back over to the apartment in the Ford Galaxy  to gather up more items. I didn’t stay long because I was so fatigued that I could hardly keep my eyes open as I drove back to Dale Street. I finally went to bed at 7  dead tired. I don’t have to work tonight.

            So here I am here back on Dale Street. Is it God’s will that I live at home again. Should I get a car  or be content with the one I have now. Answers will come in goodtime I suppose.

31 March 1972 Friday

I woke up at 9:30 in the spare bedroom at home on Dale Street. It felt cold  and the bear floors did not help much after being used to carpet at the Apartment.  I began to clean  up the  back bedroom and get things organize to more my bed in  and chest of drawers. That took al morning to do so.

So today is my first real day home and it was miserable. I became allergic to the dust in the back rooms which made me sneeze constantly as well as that damned Chinese Elm tree in the back yard that it is pollinating.  Mom and Dad were bickering also which I am not used to being out on my own since last September .

            I made two trips to the Sycamore Village apartments  to finish moving the rest of my belongings out which mainly consisted of books and record albums. I also scrubbed and cleaned the place, so it was as clean as when I first moved in.

While there I ran into an acquaintance  who  said he may be losing his roommate. If so, I wonder if I could move in with him. It’s God’s will.

So today is the last day  I will ever look  at this little apartment  which I had hoped  there would be so much happiness but instead mainly sorrow when Jim Dalton abandoned me, and I had to live with Pat McGuire to make ends meet.

            When I left, I went back to Garden Grove and finished cleaning  my room while Dad had my uncle Milton  over to help him build a new fence gate  for the side yard between us and the Casas’ house.

Going through my clothes I gave some of my old shirts  to my brother-in-law Dennis Wachs so he could use them as work shirts

 It was a nice warm day and my Grandma Williams 70^th birthday.  I’m tired though and don’t feel much like  going into work tonight. I am kind of depressed  and I wonder how is it going to be like living at home again after being out on my own?

I cleared $134 dollars on my check. I’m going to pay off all my outstanding bills  and put the rest in the bank on Monday. There’s not much in the way of special news. March is a long month and it’s good to get it out of the way. Spring began in March, so the month is always a nice time to look forward to.

            Well, I’m back home at my parents’ house on Dale Street. All the prospects I had for a new roommate at the Sycamore Village fell through and I just could not bear  spending anther three months with Patrick McGuire. It’s my fault as much as his I suppose but nevertheless, I could not see staying with someone that did not like or respect me.

            The little apartment held such great expectations  but only brought me sorrow and trouble. I kind of hate to leave the general area of Fullerton since now I’ve acquired  so many friends there. I won’t  be back home  that long God willing so I will  and shall endure all for the lord’s plans for me.

All things work for the good though so I’m not really too disappointed.