My Journal from 1977 When I was 25 and 26 years old
1 January 1977 Saturday
Today is the start of a brand-new year and also a brand new life. Last Night Fran Fuchs was over my place for New Year Eve, and I asked her to marry me and she said she would. We first set the date for the 17th of January because that is her baptismal date but then we decided it’s better not to wait . Since we are sure of what we are doing we decided it’s better not to wait and moved the date up to the 7th. I called Mom and Dad up to tell them the news and asked them if they might possibly be able to come up to Utah, but they didn’t think they would be able to get off from work. I thought they wouldn’t be able also. Fran didn’t want to tell anybody at work yet until it’s all over. I doubt she will be able to keep it from her friends.
2 January 1977 Sunday
I went to Sunday School and Fast and Testimony today and made an appointment for Fran and me to meet with President Deem. I already asked him if he could marry us this Friday at 7 o'clock and he said so far as he knew that he could and nothing else was scheduled at that time. So if everything goes right, Fran and I will get married on the 7th of January 1977 at 7 o'clock by the Branch President of the Ensign 7th Ward. President Deem met with Fran and me at 9 o'clock and we had a really good talk. Fran's bitterness towards an old bishop of hers worries me a little. Not that it makes me love her less but that I am afraid that Satan might use that bitterness to keep her from attaining the stature that is her potential. It's been a really nice day.
3 January 1977 Monday
I had to get up at 4 this morning to be at work to get all the sandwiches out for the first day of school. Fran found out that we couldn't get our marriage license without the blood test first so I took off during my lunch break and we went to the Holy Cross Hospital to have the tests done. They said we would get the results this Wednesday. Everyone at work knows now we are getting married. I knew Fran couldn't keep it a secret for very long. I gave Fran $50 to her "stitch and bitch" friends to plan the open house and wedding this Friday. Next Monday Fran and I will have our first real Family Home Evening. as a family.
4 January 1977 Tuesday
I called Meg and Steve Madsen to ask them to the wedding this Friday and Meg was so upset because they couldn't make it as Steve had to work as night manager of the Wilkerson Center at BYU. I also called Wayne Tuck to see if he would be my witness and best man and he said he would. Wayne is such a good person. Work went okay with Chris Duncan and Arva and Charleen. It's been really pretty lately. Fran and I are like crazy people. So much to do and almost no time to do it in. We are going to have refreshments for the Open House for the U of U food service. `
Additional Material
Wayne Nolan Tuck born 15 June 1954 in Missoula Montana
5 January 1977 Wednesday
I had to take off again during my lunch break to go down to Holy Cross Hospital to find out the results of the blood tests. I spilt chocolate milk all over my coat and was a mess. Fran got me to the doctor really quick and I got an okay but I had to wait and wait because somebody just had a heart attack. Finally about 45 minutes later I got in to see the doctor. He told me that there was nothing wrong with the both of us. At least physically ha! After work Fran and I then went down to the County Office building to get our marriage license. After filling out all the forms I felt like I really was getting married and this wasn't just playing around. The lady at the registration office said that she knew we would be happy which made Fran happy. Fran said she trusts that lady's opinion because she must see so many couples come in and can tell which ones will work out and which won't. Fran though was upset about the marriage license because the clerk made a mistake and wrote 1976 which she had to erase. Fran seemed to think this spoiled the license for her. I guess I could have been more understanding but I just wanted to get it over with. In the evening, I called Mom to tell her that Fran and I were getting married this Friday.
6 January 1977 Thursday
Today was my last day as a single man. I never thought I'd be getting married and it seems really strange that I should be getting married to someone I hardly know. We come from such different back grounds. Fran comes from, a large German Norwegian Minnesota family of all places. A Yankee and a German all in one ha! Who would thought that? But most importantly Fran is a Latter Day Saint and so am I, therefore we are no longer Gentile or Jew, bond or fee, Northern or Southern but children of the Most High. I had to be at work this morning at 6 as usual and it was a pretty good day without any drama. Chris Duncan wasn't too cranky. I asked Willie Bolt if I could have tomorrow off and he said sure. So our honeymoon will last until Monday morning when I have to be back at work again at 6 in he morning. I really didn't want to do anything as my last night single. I didn't go anywhere or with anyone. I just talked with Fran some and the went to bed early about 8:30 I guess tomorrow will be the big day. I got a telephone call from mom yesterday saying they were going to come up to be at the wedding. I was really happy and surprised because I didn't think they would be able to get the time off from work with so short notice. They will get here sometime tomorrow. I really enjoy the view from my little apartment here at the Greylyn. From the north window at night you can see the state capitol all lit up.
7 January 1977 Friday
Additional Material
I once was married on this date in 1977 as a way to regain my full membership in the Mormon Church and an attempt to repent from having "homosexual tendencies" which was the reason I had joined the Mormons 5 years earlier in the first place believing the church could fix me.
I only knew my wife less than a month working at the U of U. I learned to love her but never was in love with her and guilt kept me married for 9 years. The 1970s was a very hard time to try to find a path to fit into what society expected. I sometimes look back and feel incredibly sad for that lost boy from back then
Mom and Dad had been staying with J R and Mary Peacock out in Halladay and we had them over for lunch. We opened our wedding presents with mom and dad and I know they were happy that the we included them in our plans today. In the evening we went to dinner with J R and Mary Peacock an at this Mongolian Steak Pit place on State Street. It was super good especially since it has been months that I've had a good steak. At dinner Fran remarked how she had her named legally changed to Fran as she used to have a name she hated. Mom asked her what it was and Fran said "Wilma" Isn't that awful" As soon as she said it she remembered that Mom's name was Wilma June. Mom thought it was rather funny. If Fran wouldn't have changed her name we would have been Edgar and Wilma Williams Jr. This was the first I heard why she is called Billie by her family in Minnesota. After dinner we drove out to J R and Mary's daughter's place in Kearns . While there Dad fixed the heater in the Pinto and Fran sure appreciated that Dad wouldn't have fixed it for me but did for his only daughter in law. It had snowed overnight it was snowy today. Salt Lake seems soft and peaceful covered in a blanket of snow.
9 January 1977 Sunday
Mom and Dad left out this morning for California so they could go back to work tomorrow, Fran and I went to 7th Ensign Branch for the last time. President Deem said we could continue to attend if we wanted to but we felt out of place in the single's ward. Besides Elaine Nychyk was bent out of shape that we were married and still attending a single's ward. Elaine is funny sometimes. We decided we would start attending the Ensign 8th Ward but it was kind of difficult and sad leaving President Deem. he's such a good man and we rally think a lot of him.
10 January 1977 Monday
I went back to work at 6 . Fran and I have to shop around to have wedding announcements printed up to send out. It's kind of after the fact but still we sent out announcements today.
The First month Fran and I were married it was pretty rocky. Perhaps that is why I didn't write anymore in my journal also I knew that Fran was reading them. We both had to adjust to living together which isn't all that easy. Fran was having a hard time adjusting to being married for the first couple of weeks until she learned to trust my judgment. We didn't have much money to live on in fact we got married with just $90 in the bank. It was only after we were married did I learn that Fran owed thousands of dollars in student loans which since we married I know was also responsible for. But we were able to get by and get along especially with the wedding gifts and money we received. In the 3rd week of January there became a vacancy for the manager position for the P.M. Huddle, a coffee shop and hamburger grill in the Union Building. I jumped at the chance to get out of the sandwich department and away from Chris Duncan the wicked witch of the west. When I got the job it included a raise from $2.80 an hour to $3.20. This extra money came in handy now I was a married man. Working at the Huddle was real experience and challenge for me as it gave me training in management which was great for future employment. The thing about the Huddle that annoyed me the most was the people who frequent the place. We called them Huddle Bums because they are at the Huddle from the time we opened until the time we closed. They hated Mormons, anything decent and good and are trashy and generally revolting, dirty, and disgusting. Earlier in the month a 22 year old inmate at the state prison was on a work release program when he escaped from the Huddle. The main item at the Huddle was a hamburger called the Huddle Special.
I think also I stopped writing in my Journal about this time as was struggling with why I still have homosexual feelings. I was assured through church teachings that marriage would cure me of same sex attraction and never having been with a woman before I thought heterosexual sex had to be much greater than any thing I had experienced with a man. I was wrong. I truly believed sexual intercourse with a woman would be like American Love Style with fireworks exploding all around me. While my honeymoon sex was extremely pleasurable it was not emotionally satisfying as I was not "in love" with Fran which I pretended and deluded myself.
Gary Gilmore was executed on 17 January by firing squad at the Point of the Mountain which was the first execution in the United States since the Supreme Court halted it in 1972. His pending execution was one of the main reasons we changed the date of our marriage from the 17th to the 7th. Because I felt dates were important I wanted the number 7 in my anniversary date.
Additional Material
On 20 January the 2nd Annual Coronation of the Imperial Court of Utah held for the first time at the Salt Palace. Later on 28 January 1977-The Dade County, Commission of Florida, the governing body for the city of Miami passed a Gay anti-discrimination ordinance. However Anita Bryant Florida Citrus industry spokeswoman and former Miss America spear headed the Save Our Children Committee and collected enough signatures to force a ballot referendum. The Florida anti-gay movement began the attack on the Gay rights gained in many cities and states since Stonewall, Bryant’s ties to the citrus industry made Orange juice a boycott item in Gay households and establishments. The anti-discrimination ordinance was repealed by Miami June 7, 1977. At the end of the month on 31 January 1977- Seven women were fired from the Boise, Idaho Police Department by Chief John Church for “activities relating to crimes against nature” The chief feared that the women might be Lesbians. The police department collected 3,000 feet of illegal wiretap tape. A ten million dollar lawsuit was filed by the 7 women
February was the first month that Fran and I lived together completely as man and wife. On the 7th of February we celebrated our one month anniversary. For Fran's birthday on the 12th, I bought her a pair of stuffed kissing monkeys that looked like us. Fran is still in school trying to finish up her courses so she could graduate in June. I was working as supervisor of the Huddle and was making friends there with kids more my own age. My immediate boss was Mr. Church who I really admired as he really appreciated me for the good worker I am. I go into work at 4:30 and work until 11:30 at night on Tuesday through Thursday. On Friday the Huddle is opened until midnight and on Saturdays I work from 1 in the afternoon to midnight. It's really different from working in the Sandwich department and having to be up at 6 in the morning. Down there I felt so isolated from the rest of the campus. Here I am surrounded by students and work with students working part time. Frank Benjamin is my assistant supervisor but he's such a pain in the rear sometimes. All he thinks he has to do is clean and bus tables and if I ask him to do anything else he has a fit. Terri Todd is a pretty good worker when she wants to be but she looks like a mess most of the time And Janie, well its only a matter of time before she is canned. She thinks she is doing me a favor even coming into work. Fran and I had some difficult periods of adjustments in February and it has not been easy for two people as set in our ways as we are to have to adjust.
Additional Material
Being on campus and in the Union Building I read the University's Daily Chronicle religiously. There were lots of articles on the emerging Gay Community and the counterculture that was not Mormon. Outwardly I kept the appearance of being a good Mormon but also took notice of any news about Gay events. It was in February while using the men's bathroom on the lower floor next to the bowling alley I encountered a boy jacking off. It thrilled me to watch and it also devastated me that I still had homosexual feelings even after getting married and doing everything the church said to do. I didn't feel trap in the marriage as Fran was filling a companionship role for me and we were still sexual with each other but often it was just out of marital duty and not passion.
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| The Huddle |
The Huddle had a jukebox and I heard Year of the Cat played constantly which when I ever hear it I am reminded of the Huddle.
Whatever happened to ... The Huddle at the University of
Utah? By Christopher Smart The Salt Lake Tribune August 25, 2015 It was ground
zero for Utah's counterculture, a place where young intellectuals could test
their chops in science, philosophy and the arts. But more than that, it was
just a cool spot to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and shoot the breeze with
friends, new and old. College students, artists and would-be hippies thrived in
the 1960s and '70s at The Huddle in the Union Building at the University of
Utah. It was nothing fancy — a room filled with small Formica-topped tables and
plastic chairs. But the unassuming place had a great jukebox with three songs
for a quarter, a cigarette machine — 65 cents a pack — and coffee for a dime.
For a nickel more, patrons could get a small pot of Joe (two cups) in a
funny-looking container — called a hottle, but better known as a huddle. The
war in Vietnam was grinding on in 1970, and that spring, four students were
killed by National Guardsmen during an anti-war protest at Kent State
University in Ohio. The mood of the times was reflected on The Huddle's jukebox
by, among others, Neil Young: Tin soldiers and Nixon coming / We're finally on
our own / This summer I heard the drumming / Four dead in Ohio. "It was
because of Vietnam that we talked politics all the time," recalled Brooke Gordon.
"We couldn't wait to vote. We couldn't wait to get involved and make
change." The Huddle, she said, also was where to catch up with people and
with what was going on, including parties or who was heading up to Alta to ski.
"That was our social network," Gordon explained. "We didn't have
Facebook or cellphones — so everything got hashed out face to face." Counterculture
oasis • It was an era of great, political music, Gordon said. The Huddle
jukebox never played bands like The Lovin' Spoonful or Bread. Huddle-goers
selected singers and bands like Joan Baez, Richie Havens, and Crosby, Stills,
Nash & Young. "It all had a political edge," she remembered. Trent
Harris, too, recalled the patrons' focus on a changing world and current
events. In the early '70s, "there was always talk of the politics of
Vietnam and the politics of the university [administration]," he said. Harris
had a student deferment from the military draft and frequented the coffee room
almost every day, where he liked to play chess and meet women. "You could
pick up a copy of The Salt Flat News from Richard Goldberger (the city's first
alternative rag, edited by Richard Menzies)," Harris said, "and go
into The Huddle and read it over coffee." Salt Lake City was no San
Francisco. But places like The Huddle, Mama Eddie's Right-On Beanery, Cosmic
Aeroplane and Tape Head Company (THC for short) were oases where counterculture
types could feel like part of a national movement to thwart the war, reject
commercialism and the status quo, and embrace sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Freshmen
from the suburbs discovered a new world on campus, particularly at The Huddle. It
was a transitional time, recalled Kathryn Handy, who used to hang out at The
Huddle. "We had boyfriends and we were carefree," she said. "But
we had contraception and sex wasn't a life-threatening thing, as it can be
today." Handy was a student but she also had a job at the U., which made
dressing tricky. Many women who hung out at The Huddle had said goodbye to
Gidget: Gone were the bobs and the pumps. It was hello to denim and Army
fatigues. And, for many, shaving was out. "You'd see the difference
between girls in a sorority — all polished; and the girls at The Huddle with
backpacks and hiking boots," she said. "But I had a good job on
campus and I couldn't show up looking sloppy." Fear of the war • The
Huddle was an integral part of college education, according to Rob
"Bones" Green. "It's where I spent my undergraduate
career," he recalled. "The Huddle was a class on its own — a class in
social camaraderie." Green caught a low number in the draft lottery.
Fearing he might lose his student deferment, he joined the National Guard.
Unlike today, Guardsmen in the '60s and '70s were not bound for foreign wars. The
fear of getting sucked into Vietnam weighed on most young men and was reflected
on a jukebox favorite by Country Joe (McDonald) and the Fish: Come on all you
big, strong men / Uncle Sam needs your help again / Got himself in a terrible
jam / Way down yonder in Vietnam / So throw down your books, pick up your guns
/ We're goin' to have a whole lotta fun. Shortly after the Kent State killings,
the old ROTC building on the U.'s campus was torched. Green's National Guard
unit was trained as a riot patrol squad and was put on alert after the ROTC
fire. "There were some radical people there," Green recalled of The
Huddle crowd, "and it made me nervous as a Guardsman." He feared
being called up during a rowdy demonstration, like Kent State. "But I
wouldn't shoot at anybody," he said. "I wasn't going to shoot at my
friends." Finding peace • Although he was apolitical, Robert "Tree
Bob" Brossard liked the academic atmosphere in The Huddle, where people
discussed philosophy, science, mountain climbing and photography. But he didn't
fathom the anger on the left, exemplified by the Students for a Democratic
Society — the SDS. "I didn't vote and I didn't participate in
rallies," he said. "I just didn't get what SDS and others were so
upset about." On the other hand, Brossard did enjoy the colorful
characters at The Huddle, including Charlie Brown, who flew across campus on an
old bicycle in black tights with a black cape flapping behind. Brown was among
a group of hippie peaceniks, Brossard recalled, and had at one time pitched a
tepee in the median on Foothill Drive. Brown represented a gentler side of the
youthful tide. Peace, too, was in the air at The Huddle, accompanied by theme
music like "What's Goin' On" by Marvin Gaye: Father, father / We
don't need to escalate / You see, war is not the answer / For only love can
conquer hate / You know we've got to find a way / To bring some lovin' here
today. President Richard M. Nixon put an end to the draft in January 1973 — a
milepost that seemed to mark an unofficial end to the 1960s. In August 1973,
the U.S. ended direct military action in Vietnam. The war had been a great
catalyst for the counterculture. But by the late 1970s, the social movement
that came to life in the mid-1960s had become hard to find. The Huddle had lost
its gravitas and was replaced with an upscale sandwich shop. The jukebox, too,
was gone. It might just be a rumor, but the last song played on the beloved
music machine was said to be "Big Yellow Taxi" by Joni Mitchell: Don't
it always seem to go / That you don't know what you've got till it's gone /
They paved paradise and put up a ... sandwich shop.
Actor Andy Devine died on February 18 age 76. My favorite role of his was in John Ford's 1939 movie Stage Coach.
On 14 February A Gay Valentines Day Party held at Radio City Lounge. Patrons charged 20 cents for Mixes and Drafts!
MARCH
1 March 1977 Tuesday
It snowed and snowed all day at least 4 inches. All winter we had no real snow and mow that it's March the snow comes in tons. I've been typing on my genealogy for most of the day. This morning we were expecting Piper and Richard Holmes over for breakfast but they were so late arriving we went ahead and ate. They were supposed to have gone seen Logan Run with us last night but didn't. I think they may be fighting. After they left it was so cold out and the snow was coming down so badly that Fran and I went back to bed and stayed there until it was time for me to go into work. I had a hard time getting to work because of the roads and the icy incline up to the Union Building. At work Frank Benjamin said he had some problems with Scott coming in to work. I like my job really a lot but I need to get tougher and not be such a nice guy. Joanie just takes advantage of the situation, I'd like to bring in a new crew. Especially replacing Frank my assistant . He doesn't do anything the way I want it. One thing though is I have Mr. Church's support in all things. I only worked 3:30 to 7:30 today because it was so slow due to the snow that they didn't need 4 people on. I came home and Fran was at school so I cleaned the apartment for her and did the dishes. About 11:30 Fran calls from Murray Van Wagoner's saying to come get her. Se was in a car accident and was pretty upset over it. Some drunk driver side swiped her as she made a right hand turn. She said it didn't damage her car, just shook her up. We read Exodus Chapter 19 before going to bed. Fran thinks she might b pregnant. We will find out soon.
2 March 1977 Wednesday
It snowed and snowed again today. It must be a foot of new snow out there. This morning Fran and I slept in late. In the afternoon I made up next week's schedule. Fran went out in the snow to the grocery store and we had tacos for lunch. Fran and I discussed the possibility of moving from Utah this summer down south. It's just talk right now. I went into work at 4 and worked until 11:30. It was really the pits at work today. Everybody was either upset or spaced out. It was really weird day.
3 March 1977 Thursday
It stopped snowing today finally but the streets are a real mess. I took Fran to school this morning and there was a woman whose car was stuck in the snow so we helped push her car out. By the afternoon the streets warmed up and most of the snow had melted. It was all right at work compared to yesterday except in the payroll office Barbara was bitchy somewhat. She isn't my boss so I didn't have to listen much to what she has to say unless its really important. Mostly its just petty things. I had to fight Lois Draper to keep my schedule as I had worked it out. She didn't want Chris to come in on Saturday at 1:30 saying we never had 3 people open up the Huddle. I said and they never do it right either. Mr. Church supported me so I got my way. At closing time though, I was really pissed off at Frank Benjamin. Everything was done except for the floors and at 11 both Frank and Joanie wanted to leave so I let them. I busted my butt buffing and mopping the floor and I got out at 11:30 when I see Frank just then clocking out. I was so mad and disgusted. I had a splitting headache and thought what is the use?
Additional Material
I am not sure why I quit writing in my journal for the rest of the month. Perhaps end of winter blahs. I didn't write anything about Fran, any friends or even work.
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