Winter First Quarter Journal 1974 January- March

My Journal from 1974 when I was 22 and 23 years old

The year 1974 could be divided into three distinct periods. The first was the Winter Term at BYU when I am living at the Hostel Apartments bu6 not attending BYU. My life was completely dominated by the Family Home Evening group that I was assigned to while living in the 41st BYU Branch. I was infatuated with my roommate Mike Allred while at same time trying to suppress those feelings by dating and being involved with several of my “family” sisters.

Mike Allred & Me

            The middle part of the year I enrolled back into BYU for Spring and Summer Terms at BYU in order to graduate in August. I moved from the male segregated Hostel Apartments into the Park Plaza Apartments which was co-ed depending on what floor you lived on. I left the 41st Branch leaving many of the family group members behind who had gone home for the summer. Park Plaza had a reputation that it was rather “worldly” as in the center court was a swimming pool where sun bathers of both sexes showed a lot of flesh for BYU. The move to Park Plaza was instigated by my desire to be roommates with a Gay student who was struggling with the same repression as I was. I had returned to work at the Cougareat Cafeteria located in the Wilkinson Center where I met John Wagner, a complex individual who was also in conflict with being homosexual convert to Mormonism. My total summer was obsessed with John and occupied with his health issues which eventually kept me from graduating from BYU by a ½ a unit.

            The last third of the year I left Utah for financial reasons and returning to live at home with my parents in Garden Grove. I felt  as if I was living in exile. I had no real connection with my family, former friends, nor even with my Mormon Ward. It was a very lonely time as I knew that my stay in California was only to be temporary, I never reconnected with anyone or socialized outside of work. I found employment in an elegant Italian Restaurant in Huntington Beach near the harbor. The establishment was called Don Giovanni and was owned by two Gay businessmen who hired primarily Gay Waiters and pretty young males like me as kitchen staff. Again, I was in conflict between my Mormonism and my homosexuality, and I was on my own.

John Cunningham, my first love while a senior in high school, was fast becoming a memory. When I told him finally that I loved him in 1970, he said that he didn’t love me, and I believe the rejection was the reason for my spiraling down into Mormonism to make sense of my homosexuality through religious suppression.

January

By the Winter Term of 1974, I was totally indoctrinated into the BYU Cult and my journal entries reflected how I had completely disowned my own personality to be the perfect “true believing Mormon Boy”. The 41st Branch President was a BYU professor named C Terry Warner, who by his position of authority controlled our lives as we looked to him as a spiritual father. He for most of the Winter term of BYU, while I was a member of his branch, kept my membership dangling after I confessed “my sins.”  My journal entries reflected my lack of self-esteem and debasement I felt because I had let God [President C Terry Warner] down by giving into “sin.”

In the month of January, Mike Allred, Ken Lewis, and I had a new roommate in Apartment 7 at the Hostel Apartments in Provo, Utah. Our former roommate Darwin Ross, who we all knew from our time at the dormitory in Helaman Halls, had quit school and went on to join the army reserves after he and his girlfriend Debbie Holbrook stopped dating. He sold his contract to a guy named Greg Earl, who none of us knew, but was related to the apartment managers. He roomed with Ken Lewis in the other bedroom, so I had very little interaction with him. In fact, Greg rarely did anything at the apartment but sleep and shower in Apartment 7  at and I rarely mentioned him my journal as he also did not interact with the Branch’s Family Home Evening Group to which I had been assigned.

            I received a notice early in January that I was put on academic suspension again because of the D I received in my Classical Hebrew class which dropped my BYU grade point average again. I was not allowed to attend BYU until I improved my grades which I did by taking home study courses.

However, being on suspension caused me to lose my job at the Cougareat so I had to find work off campus. I found part time work at a café within the Provo Bus Station where I had to work evening shifts surrounded by Provo locals who disdained BYU students as kind of interlopers. That was when I heard the term “Zoobies” applied to BYU attendees because we attended the “Zoo.”  I also heard the maxim “BYU when the women are women, and the men are too.”  I was paid barely minimum wage $1.65 an hour as that wage workers were considered dispensable. I was miserable there and was treated poorly by the café manager. I would come back to the apartment often smelling of cigarette smoke.

            At the beginning of the year the atmosphere at the Hostel was toxic between Michael Allred and me as that we each had our own demons we were fighting. Mike had severe mood swings while living with me as that he worried that I there simply as part of the “adversary’s plan” to destroy his spirituality. We were both completely indoctrinated, he is having been a Missionary in Argentina and me as a Mormon convert. We shared the same bedroom, so we had to interact to a certain  point but mostly our conversations were limited.

We slept in twin beds across from each other and for me that was a form of intimacy. I was so enamored with Michael but tried to sublimate those feels pretending that I just loved him as a brother in Christ.

 Mike was also the Family Home Evening Group leader for the Winter Semester for our 41st Branch family. The group was also a mix of very sexually frustrated co-eds who were desperate to date and get married. So was our roommate, Ken Lewis, who was a returned missionary from Brazil. Every girl he ever dated, which was a lot, turned him down when he would propose to them after like the 3rd date. Finally, he dated a woman who had a small son, and she said yes to his proposal, and he became engaged so then we had very little interaction with him thereafter.

            “Time In A Bottle” was a song by Jim Croce who died in a plane crash in the fall of 1973. The song was released after his death and was the number 1 song as the year began and continued until almost mid-January.

1 January 1974 Tuesday

I am 22 years old and living in Provo Utah at the beginning of 1974. I am attending Brigham Young University, but I suspect for not very much longer as my grades have really fallen this past year. Mike Allred, Ken Lewis, and I are rooming in Apartment 7 at the Hostel Apartments in Provo, Utah. Our old roommate Darwin Ross moved out last month’s so we should be getting a new one soon.

            I read that Governor Rampton said that 1974 isn’t going to be as happy as 1973 because of the energy crisis but he said he doesn’t expect us to have a Depression.

            The church has a new President since the Prophet Harald B Lee died in December. The church is now headed by Spencer W. Kimball and his counselors Elder N Eldon Tanner and Elder Maron G. Romney.

            I read in the paper that Ronald Reagan may run for president of the U.S. in1976. They brought up about a homosexual ring on his staff in 1967 and that he paid no California state income tax in1970.

2 January 1974  Wednesday

It was supper cold today with 6 below zero temperatures overnight. It was 28 degrees below in Heber. President Nixon while in San Clemente signed bill requiring all states to reduce the maximum speed of federally funded highways to 55 miles an hour to save gasoline.

3 January 1974 Thursday

I had a notice yesterday in the mail that I was on academic suspension. I had to meet with academic advisors at 3:30 today. There goes my graduation for this spring.

4 January 1974 Friday

I think some of the Sisters in our Family Home Evening Group are jealous, conniving, and gossipy as they all want to land a Return Missionary as a husband. That leaves me out.

In the News President Nixon citing “executive privilege” refused to surrender  tapes and documents subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate Committee. Most kids here think he should not have to.

5 January 1974

No Entry

6 January 1974 Sunday

It was hard getting up today for church because of losing an hour of sleep. We had to turn our clocks a head an hour for Daylight Saving Time. President Nixon ordered it 4 months early  because of the energy crisis.

Today was Fast and Testimony Meeting and I bore my testimony of the divine calling of Spencer W Kimball and the divinity of the church of the church. All through Christmas Vacation I read and studied the Book of Mormon and read from Mosiah to Nephi III Chapter 11. For the first time with full conviction, I gained a testimony of the Book of Mormon. It’s not literary fiction contrived by Joseph Smith to perpetuate his concepts  concerning religion but on the contrary, it is a book written by flesh and blood by flesh and blood men who lived in Ancient America as witnesses to the fact that Jesus is the Christ,  the Eternal God for us in this Dispensation.

            Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God who was instrumental in the Restoration of the True and Everlasting Gospel. This knowledge I was given by reading the Book of Mormon for understanding.

            I wept when President Lee died on 26 December 1973 for, I truly loved that man but now Spencer W Kimball is the mouthpiece of God, and it is to him I shall look to for guidance and direction in this the Greatest and Last Dispensation.

            My BYU Family sister Linda Prindle also bore her testimony truly under the influence of the Holy Ghost and her testimony went down in to me like fire.

            Tonight, was a 10 Stake Fireside with Elder James Faust, an Assistant to the Twelve, speaking. He said that a boy and a girl’s dating relationship  should not be the concern of anyone except perhaps an understanding Bishop. That was an important  message  for our BYU Family members who are up in everybody’s business.

7 January 1974 Monday

            Winter Term started today for everyone but Ken Lewis and me. Ken is taking the term off to work and make some money, and I am on academic suspension until I can get my grades up.

I called up President C. Terry Warner to make an appointment to see him tomorrow to do repentance over my sins from last year. Later in the evening Kathy Ausderau and Mike Allred were in the front room talking about personal matters which I, as their friend felt, left out and unwanted.

After Kathy left, Mike and I had a quarrel which ended up with him telling me what everything thing was about. Mike told me the missing pieces to the puzzle to his erratic behavior last semester. As a friend, I had to know for my own sanity, but in doing so I think it destroyed our friendship.

Kathy was basically warning Michael against being friends with me because I had heretical idea and that I had an unhealthy attraction to him.

Additional Material-

In 1967 BYU's then President Ernest L Wilkinson received a "confidential draft" by C Terry Warner, professor of philosophy and religion, stating that "freedom of speech as it is known today is a secular concept and has no place of any kind at the BYU." Warner was my branch president when I attended BYU in 1973 and 1974 and a snitch.

8 January 1974 Tuesday

I went and confessed to President Warner all my past sins because the Lord does require it of us if we are truly repentant. It was the hardest thing to do in my life. President Warner was concerned to say the least and said he was very disappointed in me. I was told I was to be released from my church position as an assistant branch history clerk. He said I was not to exercise my Priesthood and I could not take the Sacrament. I think the last was the more painful than the other  restrictions.

9 January 1974 Wednesday

I am in such a depressed funk on John Cunningham’s 23rd birthday.

10 January 1974

No Entry

11January 1974 Friday

While I was with Linda Prindle watching TV,  I came down with a sharp stabbing pain in my lower back. When I excused myself to pee, I started to bleed in my stream. I went to the emergency room at the Utah Valley Hospital where the doctor said I probably had a kidney stone! I was just so sick and in pain. I was even more afraid I’d have to go home to California and give up my dream of staying in Utah. As I was praying to the Lord, through his grace I managed to pass the stone tonight. I never had anything hurt so much.

Additional Material and Memoirs

Utah has very hard water compared to California and the kidney Stone was symptomatic of the stress I was living under.

Ralph Albert Ludders 23rd birthday. Ralph Ludders was a friend from Cypress College and helped me through the painful rejection of John Cunningham. He was the first person I ever told that I was in love with a boy and he instead of rejecting me as a friend, acknowledged that I had real love for John. I was best man at his wedding.

12 January 1974 Saturday

I went back to the doctor’s today for a follow up. I so wanted my friend Mike Allred to be with me so badly because I was so scared, but he didn’t want to come even though I asked him. That was almost as painful as having a kidney stone.

The doctor said he was sure that I had passed the stone and that I should be able to urinate without pain. He said that the water here in Utah is hard and full of minerals which makes it tasty but can cause kidney stones if a person is under stress, he said like most students are.

Additional Material

The Joker by the Steve Miller Band replaced Time in a Bottle as the number on song and remained number one until January 18th.

13 January 1974 Sunday

President Warner called me into his office to tell me that I might have to have a Bishop Court. I told him whatever the Lord requires of me will be a blessing to me.

Additional Material

A Bishop Court was held for women and people who did not hold the Melchizedek Priesthood to determine how a person should be discipline. Excommunication or even a disfellowshipping would have put my education at BYU in jeopardy.

•           Kent Sandy Larsen’s 23rd birthday. Kent was the first Mormon I ever met. We were locker mates in an art class at Cypress College. He was Gay and was in love with a boy named Farnsworth like I was with John Cunningham although he had been sexually active with his boyfriend. While working with Kent at a YMCA summer camp in 1972 I had adopted “Ben” as a name to reflect a new identity after joining the Mormon Church that year.

14 January 1974 Monday

Denise Smith said she had to make a quick trip down to California for a family emergency and I asked if she needed help driving down and  paying for gas. Since I am on academic suspension this term, I wanted to go get my Pinto as I will need it to look for work since I lost my job at the Cougareat. I also need to get away for a few days. I called Mom that I am coming home for a quick turnaround to pick up my car.

Additional Memoirs

I met Denise Smith as a family home evening group member in the summer of 1973. She was a member of the 41st Branch and visiting teacher to Linda Prindle. Denise went to BYU primarily to find a returned missionary to marry so I never was a potential mate, but we became good friends as she was a Californian Mormon and not a Utah Mormon. I thought it odd that she chose her major randomly but pointing to computer sciences in the College Catalogue. She had no idea what computer science was and spent much of her class learning to do punch cards for data entry into computers. I thought it was a boring choice of a major but once she graduated because of her skill she was hired immediately in a high paying job even as data entry was changing by 1975.

15-18 January 1974

No Entries

19 January 1974 Saturday

Today is Dad’s 49th birthday. I got up at 10 this morning. We didn’t do anything for Dad’s birthday. We didn’t go anywhere or have anyone over. I mainly spent the day packing my car. Being home again made me realize how different the lifestyle between Utah and California is. I’m not a part of California anymore nor do I claim to be a Californian anymore. It seems strange to even be home instead of at the Y. It’s like I am a stranger here.

            In the evening Charline came over with Dennis and the kids for Dad’s birthday and see me before I leave tomorrow. This will be the last time I see Denise and James for several months. How they will have change by then because they are growing like weeds.

            I went to bed at 8:30 this evening after saying my prayers because it will be a long drive back to Provo.

Additional Material

Show And Tell by Al Wilson became the number one song for a week.

20 January 1974 Sunday

Mom came in my room when I was still in bed and sat down on the edge. We tried to talk but nothing came out. We were different now and estranged from one another. I felt sad inside as I’m sure she did.

            I left California saying my goodbyes to Mom and Dad and surprisingly enough with few tears. It all seems like a dream now being in California. I wanted to go to Priesthood this morning before heading out; and at church I gave the Missionaries the names of my parents as referrals. Whether anything will come of it or do any good it is hard to say. My parents still don’t seem really ready to accept the Gospel.

            I took the Garden Grove Freeway to the 91 and then got on the Riverside Freeway leaving Orange County, behind me as it all had been a dream. I’ve lived for 20 years in Garden Grove and now it seemed all so dreamlike like it all had been a fantasy.

            It felt great to be driving my Ford Pinto again. I forgot how much I missed driving. I stopped in Barstow where I had to gas up. I was quite worried about the gas situation all the way to Utah but fortunately there was no trouble getting gas; just the prices were exorbitant at 50 to 55 cents a gallon for regular. Just a year ago I thought it  outrageous to pay more than 35 cents. In California, the 50 miles an hour speed limit was in affect but not in Nevada or Utah, so I made up the time there

            I went through Las Vegas without stopping but had to gas up again in St. George to be safe. From Cedar City to Provo, it was deathly cold, and the car heater did absolutely no good at all. I was just freezing when I reached Provo at 11 tonight, Utah time.

            .So, I arrived home without any car trouble and free from incident; just tired out. It was horrendously cold so I hurriedly into our apartment 7 at the Hostel. Before unpacking I went and took a long hot shower and by the time I got out, Mike was up to see me.

            There was a lot of tension and friction between us rather than him being glad to see me. It was really bad, and he never once asked me how my trip home was. It was really disappointing to come back to this because I had so hoped and prayed that things would be better this semester than last.

21 January 1974

No Entry

22 January 1974 Tuesday

I got a job as a cook at the Westward Café after I lost my job at the Cougareat. It’s adjacent to the Greyhound Bus Depot.

            Linda Prindle and I have become closer this month. She is such a sweet spirit and was comfort to me when I had the kidney stone,  however it was Barbara Smith who asked me to the Preference Dance, and I said I would.

Additional Memoirs

Barbara Smith lived with several of the Family Home Evening Sisters at the Seville Apartments. She was rather a plain looking girl and quite jealous of the others who had dates and boyfriends.

23 January 1974 Wednesday

Additional Material

Two men were arrested by vice officers in Denver , Colorado and charged with lewd fondling in public because one kissed the other on the cheek as they left the dance floor. After ten minutes of deliberation the jury found the men not guilty, instead condemning the police for blatant harassment.

24-25 January 1974

No Entries

26 January 1974 Saturday

Kathy Ausderau was having a bad day and wanted us to go off someplace for a drive to get out of Provo. We decided to go to Logan because we had never been there before, and we took I-15 to Brigham City past the Lamanite School there then into Sardine Canyon. The roads were clear, so we kept on driving.

            Kathy just wanted to talk about how much she hated being in Provo and wants to return to California. We talked a lot about Michael Allred also trying to figure out what his deal is. One minute he’s like our best friend and then the next he clams up and won’t talk to anyone.

             Since it wasn’t even noon yet when we reached Logan, we just kept driving north into Preston, Idaho and then I told Kathy we should drive over to Star Valley and see where Mike is from. Kathy didn’t think it was such a good idea, but I really wanted to see where Mike was raised.

            We cranked up the music and drove over to Montpellier, Idaho then into Wyoming. There was snow everywhere, but the roads were clear. It was about 2 hours and a half of driving before we reached Afton. I wanted to stop and call Mike’s folks and tell them we are friends of Mike’s from BYU, but Kathy said absolutely not that Mike would be mad if he even knew we were in Wyoming like we were spying on him. Reluctantly I thought she might have something there and because tomorrow is the Sabbath, we thought we had better turn around and head back.

            After stopping to eat and get some gas we were gone nearly 8 hours. I dropped Kathy off at her place and came home to see Ken Lewis and Nancy Shelley watching TV. They asked where I’d been, and I said out for a day trip with my friend Kathy Ausderau and they both looked at me like I shouldn’t have been alone with a girl for that long of a time. Michael acted disgusted too.

Additional Memoirs

Kathy Ausderau was a very chunky girl from California who was very worldly having grown up in California. She was also very immature and thrived on drama. I think she was very sexually frustrated, and she tried to come between Mike Allred and I by feeding into Mike’s paranoia about me. I am sure she told him was probably a homosexual in love with him as she probably had Gay friends in California. She would have been a “fag hag” if I had all been out of the closet. She was not attending BYU but was just hanging around the college environment which also made her an unhappy person with little direction in her life.

Ringo Starr’s You're Sixteen became number 1 for  a week.

27 January 1974

No Entry

28 January 1974 Monday

I woke up at 5:30 this morning when Mike Allred’s alarm clock went off. He said he had to get up to study for a Bio-Ag  test today. I was up at 6 and found him sound asleep on the couch. I woke him and told him to start studying but he was determined to sleep. I tried pulling the blanket off of him, even pouring some water on his head but to no avail. I said you can’t say I didn’t try so I went promptly back to sleep myself until 10.

            I was up, showered, and said my morning prayers. When I went into the kitchen, I spied a German Chocolate cake on the table that had been sliced. I surmised that it was Ken Lewis, so I snitched a piece. He’s eaten plenty of my cooking.

            I wasn’t planning on doing much today because I had to go into work at the Westward Café at 1 this afternoon but I decided to make better use of my time by going to my Deseret Savings and Loan bank to withdraw some money to buy some desperately need toiletries such as shaving cream, soap, toothpaste, and etc.

            I withdrew $10 and drove over to Grand Central department store in Orem. I spent $9.85 on myself plus some Valentine Cards for my family sisters. I also bought some heart shape lollipops  which I taped to the envelopes. I did all this before going into work.

            I worked today as a fry cook and dishwasher at the Westward Café, which is adjacent to the Greyhound Bus depot, from 1 in the afternoon until 10:30 at night with Wanda the only waitress. She is a nice Senior high school girl from Orem who likes to ski. I have no use for the bus boys.

            It wasn’t too busy but just a long day. I had walked to work, and Wanda drove me home since she lives in Orem, and it was on her way. That was thoughtful of her.

            I was home at 10:45 and Michael was just getting ready for bed. He said that Ken had a party at 9 for the family group so everyone could met Nancy Shelley his fiancée. No one was going to come, he said, so Mike had to round everyone up and make them come.

            Next Tuesday, a week from tomorrow, Mike Mountgos would like me to work on decorations for a MIA function. After talking to Mike, I went and took another shower to get the grease off me and when I was through, Mike was in bed already. And after I say my prayers so will I be.

            Thoughts for today: At work I figured out that If I can get a B in my home study Book of Mormon class and finish it up in 8 weeks then take a Doctrine and Covenant Class and get a B in it, I’ll have a 2.0 G.P.A. to get back into school for Summer so I can graduate in August. I think through the Grace of the Lord, things will begin to work out for me.

            I have to be extremely careful for I work at a place where the Lord’s spirit isn’t present, and I have to be stronger to resist temptations.

            I didn’t see any of my friends today and it looks like I will be working Mondays from now on so there goes any involvement with the Family Home Evening group this term. However maybe in the long run it will be for the best to stay out of the drama. Who knows? Time will tell; just trust in the Lord and take one step at a time.

Additional Material

MIA stood for Mutual Improvement Association which was a church organization for young people to meet and hopefully date and marry.

29 January 1974 Tuesday

Today was a strange day. It was really beautiful outside though, with clear blue skies over the snow-clad Wasatch Mountains. Yesterday it had snowed all day, but today’s warmth has pretty well melted most of it.

            I didn’t sleep well last night, and I didn’t get up until 11 this morning when Piper Ballou called and wanted to know if I would go with her to pick up her boots that I had taken down last week to have new heels put on. I said I would, after I take a shower and get cleaned up.

            I said my prayers and then proceeded to do just that. It was about noon when I finally picked Piper up. After getting her boots, we decided to go to Grand Central and buy some house plants and some plant soil. We were gone until 1 in the afternoon then Piper had to be at her BYU girls basketball practice at 1:30.

            I withdrew another $5 out of the Deseret’s Savings and Loan bank but only spent $3 of it. When I came back home, I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes up. It hasn’t been cleaned I know in 2 weeks because I am the only who will do it. Yeech!

            At 3 this afternoon, Elbert Peck called me just to talk. It’s been ages. He’s living in Deseret Towers waiting for his Mission Call. I had to tell him about Ken Lewis’ engagement and as I was talking to Elbert, Ken came in with the engagement ring he bought for Nancy Shelley. It was beautiful with a Florentine design setting of white gold with two blue sapphires and 4 diamonds. It was really nice.

            Anyway, Elbert didn’t have much news about the guys we knew from Chipman, so we were just talking about us. After we got off the phone, I called Linda Prindle at 4 to see how her day went. She said today was great but yesterday was sure lousy for her.

            Mike came home at 4:30 but left almost as soon as he came. When he did come back, he was in a weird mood and didn’t say five words to me, just rounded up his dirty laundry and took off to do his washing. He didn’t even ask if I might  have wanted to do mine too, then later he did the same  about grocery shopping. He just took off with not saying where to  or having the courtesy to ask if I needed anything from the store which I did. It kind of made me mad at the time, his being so selfish that is.

            While he was gone, I decided to go up to the Smith Field House  and run my mile. I hadn’t ran since last Thursday. I sure was pooped when I finished but it felt good.

            A blessing in disguise happened today when the TV set broke down. I don’t know what is exactly wrong with it in the long run it's for the best because we are watching way too much TV.

            I started my Book of Mormon Home Study Lesson today. I did two lessons. I want to finish a third one tomorrow so I can send them in. I want to get it all done in 8 weeks, so I start the Doctrine and Covenant lesson.

            At 9 tonight, Mike asked if I was going to Family Prayer over at the 303 East House where Marta Gillings lives with Piper. I said I’d drive because I had Piper’s plants still in the Pinto. Since Mike came along, I put the plants in the back seat and one of them accidently got crushed. I felt so bad.

            Anyway, no one was back from Mutual, so we just waited until 9:30 when some showed up. Only ones to show up for Family Prayer were Mike, Mardene Francis, Linda Prindle, Piper, Karen Hunt, Marta, Dixie Holmes, and me. Afterwards then Linda rushed off without me able to take her home, and Mike walked Mardene home, so I drove back home and finished my home study lessons.

            I need to get into a better attitude. Mike sure has a way of putting a damper on things. At times he’s really a neat guy and roommate and then for no apparent reason he acts like a butt like today. Oh well. None of are translated into heaven yet.

            I told Ken today about my impending Bishop Court. I hope he’ll keep it in confidence.

Additional Memoirs

Piper Ballou was a young family home evening sister from Page. Arizona and was a convert like me. She lived with several other girls in a contentious house. She was playing Women Basketball at BYU and dating Richard Holmes whom she later married and divorced when he wanted to become a polygamist. Piper often lived with an aunt in Long Beach California, so we had that in common. She was a fun and happy person and a good friend to me. We were like Mormon orphans together among the “chosen” born under the covenant ones.

Elbert Peck I had met while we lived in the dorms together in 1973. We stayed in touch although we never lived in the same place again and he later went on a mission. He was a great person, kind of eccentric in a silly way but brilliant. He later helped start the 7th Street Press, an independent BYU paper and became editor for the Sunstone Magazine that wrote about controversial LDS issues.

30 January 1974 Wednesday

            I was up late in the morning. After saying my prayers, I shaved and showered. About noon I went and started to clean up the kitchen when Kathy Ausderau dropped by, I thought to visit. However, she just wanted to leave a note for Mike Allred. She said he is taking her up to the airport in Salt Lake today to go to back to California. Mike never said a word or even mentioned it to me. Some friend.

            I spent the rest of the afternoon doing my laundry and went to the store to buy some food to make some tacos and burritos. I called Linda Prindle up today and asked her out this Friday. We will probably go bowling at the Wilkinson Center. I received a letter from Wayne Tuck today. He’s just doing great on his Mission in Ontario, Canada.

            When Greg Earl came home, he and I talked for a while, and I think I am finally getting to know him as a roommate. He’s a great guy and from Las Vegas who served his mission among the Lamanites in Saskatchewan, Canada. He brought a small portable TV he said we could use to watch TV in the evenings.

            After supper, I did a third lesson for my Book of Mormon home study class and then Cindy Myers, my new Family Sister this term, called and asked if I would take her shopping which I did. Afterwards at 8 this evening I went down to the Smith Field House and ran a mile and then sat in the Sauna to get warm.

            I came home at 9 tonight and then Linda, Mardene Francis, and Leila Olsen came over to fetch me to Family Prayer down at the 303 East House. Mike was already there at Marta Gillings and that’s about the only time I saw him all day. I walked Linda home, and we had a good talk. She said she had a special day in the temple, so she was feeling good. We decided not to let the ‘family” run our lives or interfere in our relationship. It was a beautiful day, clear and kind of warm.

In the news G. Gordon Liddy is found guilty in the Watergate break end and President Nixon said, "One year of Watergate is enough."

Additional Memoirs

The BYU sauna then prohibited wearing any clothing so most of the young men were nude sitting on towels although some were prudish and wrapped towels around them. I went to the sauna located in the men’s locker room as often as I could as I still had my BYU activity card.

Wayne Tuck was a friend I met while living at Chipman Residents in Helaman Halls. We stayed in touch for many years, and he acted as my best man when I married my wife in 1977.

31 January 1974 Thursday

Today is the last day of the month and good riddance. It has brought me nothing but trouble and sorrow. Amazingly, Mike Allred had said back in early December that January would be worse than December, relationship wise. I thought at the time, it just applied to him but evidently it did not as it’s been a horrible month for me also. But nevertheless, I intend to make February a good month with a positive attitude and March even better and so on throughout the rest of the year.

            I was up at 10:30 this morning even though I always wake up when Mike gets up and ready for school. But I always manage to sleep an extra hour or two. When I was up. I showered and shaved, and then fixed some Tacos for lunch.

Mike came home at noon, but just ate and went to take a nap without saying a word to me. Somehow, I get the feeling that our friendship is a leaky boat about to sink without neither Mike or I am bailing water to keep it afloat.

            No Mail came today though I mailed out two letters, one to Wayne Tuck and one to Bill Hall. Then I went into work today at the Westward Café from 1 this afternoon until 10:30 at night. I took the Pinto down instead of walking because it was so damp and miserable outside. I need to take some more vitamins, I think.

            Work was a drag. I called Linda Prindle during a break, but she wasn’t home when I called. Mardene Francis had  answered the phone saying “Berg Mortuary. You stab them. We’’ slab them.”  It was the old fun Mardene on the phone, the Mardene I knew from the beginning of last Fall. At work I thought about Linda a lot wondering what direction our lives together will take.

When I came home, Greg Earl was still up but Ken Lewis wasn’t home, and Mike was already in bed avoiding me. What a joke. I want to save Mike and my friendship but am at a lost how. As brothers in the Gospel, we have to work it out.

 

FEBRUARY

February in Utah is dismal but as a 22-year-old homosexual, trying to fit into a hyper heterosexual environment made the month even more challenging. As I was working in a non-BYU environment, for the first time I realized that Utah was not this holy land of Zion. Most of the people I worked with were nominal Mormons at best. As that I had to work evening shifts and especially Monday nights which was reserved for Family Home Evenings, I missed the camaraderie of my BYU family and also the evening prayer get together. I was not accepted at the Westward Café nor was appreciated for my culinary skills as well as feeling isolated from BYU as that I was no longer a student.

1 February 1974 Friday

This day was a good day all around. I was up this morning, said my prayers, and showered. At noon I called Linda Prindle up to ask her over for lunch. I hate to eat alone. She and I talked for a while then I took her to her bank, and then up to campus for her classes.

            After dropping her off I went to my own Deseret Savings and Loan Bank to pull some money out for tonight’s date with Linda. My doctor’s emergency hospital bill came in the mail today also. It was $50.30 for my kidney stone emergency. The phone bill came on top of that also, but it wasn’t nearly as big as it has been.

            When Mike Allred came home, I vowed to change my attitude, to be more humble, so I went out of my way to be nice to him and act concerned about his day. Mike and I talked about improving our relationship because as brothers in Christ, I know Heavenly Father does not approve of what’s been going on between us down here.

            I had written Mike a note last night saying that as Paul had written to Titus “For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving diver lusts, and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. But after that the kindness and love of God, our Savior, towards man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy, he saved us by the washing of regeneration and receiving the Holy Ghost, which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ, our Savior.”

            I wrote this in a note to Mike in the hopes that whatever is tearing at our friendship might end. We have so much to be thankful for and when much is given; much is expected. After our talk we shook hands and I hope things will become better.

            At 6:30, this evening I had to get ready for my date with Linda. We decided to go to the Weekend Movie at the Wilkinson Center. We saw “To Sir With Love.”  It was a good and  inspiring movie. Linda and I both enjoyed it very much.

            When I took Linda home, Barbara Smith wanted to talk to me about some personal matters without Linda around. I think she is jealous of Linda. Afterwards I just went home and watched some horror films on TV until 1:30 in the morning.

Additional Material

To Sir, with Love is a 1967 British drama film that deals with social and racial issues in an inner-city school in United Kingdom. It stars Sidney Poitier and singer Lulu making her film debut.

2 February 1974 Saturday

Today is my youngest cousin, Gregory Lynn Williams birthday. He’s 12 today. I was up at 10 this morning because I had some errands to run. Piper Ballou left yesterday to go home to Page, Arizona for the weekend to get away from the drama at the 303 East House. I promised I’d bake her an apple pie when she comes back so I had to go buy apples and I wanted to replace the plant I accidently killed. I felt so bad about that. I went to Grand Central to replace the plant and to Reams Market to get the apples.         

I went into work at 1 this afternoon but Bruce the day cook  said I didn’t have to go in until 2 so I came back to the apartment and peeled the apples and prepared them all for baking tomorrow.

            It was a pretty out almost spring like day, so I hated to into work where I worked from 2 until 10:30 at night. At 8:30 a busload of 50 people came in and my boss Nathan Combs  had two boys busing tables and washing dishes while I worked the grill. Wanda made good tips, I think.

            I came home at after my shift and Mike Allred was still up studying for a test he has on Tuesday. He studied until midnight and then quit when it became the Sabbath. Sunday is Fast and Testimony  and I already started preparing for it. Mike didn’t help matters by tempting me to break my fast by eating a piece of the chocolate pie that I made in front of me.

            I’m reading “Lord of the Rings,” a trilogy fairy tale about the Hobbits. It is so interesting that it’s hard to put down. I read until 12:30 in the morning, then said my prayers and retired to bed. Mike came in shortly after that he got undressed for bed. It was at least 1 in the morning before either of us began to try and sleep as we visited some.

So far Mike and my relationship has improved somewhat. The key is humility. If I truly love my neighbor as I love my God, Jesus Christ, I have to learn humility and become humble before man and God. No matter what I may say, my actions will judge me before God on that Judgment Day. If I cannot get along with someone as wonderful and easy to get along with as Mike, what hope is there for me, I wonder?

Additional Material

The Way We Were by Barbra Streisand was the number 1 song for a week.

3 February 1974 Sunday

Today is the Sabbath’s Fast and Testimony Meeting and it was such a peculiarly strange day. It started out rather awful, but it ended at least for me with gladness in my heart.

Morning came sooner than I felt it ought to have had. It was so hard to get up this morning. Normally I’m the first up for Church and Mike Allred is one of the last. But this morning he beat me to the shower. I wasn’t feeling very well this morning, kind of achy and grouchy, and I guess Mike was feeling the same.

When I was out of the shower, I saw that Mike had put shaving cream on the lenses of my glasses. I thought it kind of funny like he was being playful so when I came back to our bedroom, I wiped the foam off onto his bed. Well, he was somewhat tiffed at that while I dressed for Church.

When I went back into the bathroom to check myself in the mirror, Mike was washing his face. He had his glasses off and I sprayed a dab on shaving cream on them like he had done mine. Mike got all hard about it and blew the foam all over me onto my tie and into my hair. I was outraged as I would never dream of doing something like that to him. I was really disgusted and told him off. His flippancy over it all was what bothered me the most. I cleaned myself off and left without him to pick up the girls for church.

            I was in a foul mood all morning long because of Mike, and I know Linda Prindle could sense it. I was just as angry at myself and at everything because my hopes of improving my relationship with my roommate vanished and just seemed to crumble.

            Bro. Dick Wilson conducted Priesthood with Bro. John Gardner, our High Council Representative was our presiding authority. Mike came in late. When we were dismissed for classes, I went to Rob Robison’s where he taught a much-needed lesson. He said, “But I say unto you, that you resist not evil but whosoever shall thee on the right cheek, turn to him also the other.”  That went through me like fire because a new dimension of this verse came to me which I had never thought of before. The commandment was given by our Heavenly Father so that we might learn humility and cease the sin of revenge. Vengeance is detrimental to the spirituality of man and is one of the tools which Satan uses to take away our free agency.

            I react to those I think offended me and not act. When I react, then someone else controls my actions and not me. Like this morning, I reacted to Mike, and did not act. He controlled my action. I did not. If I would not have tried to get revenge by “an eye or an eye,” I would not have ended up with hard ugly feelings towards Mike. I resolved that this afternoon I would apologize to him.

            As I left Priesthood, I met Mardene Francis coming out of Relief Society, but she couldn’t visit because she had to talk to Chris Brown, so I went on to Fast and Testimony meeting by myself. There I met up Linda and we went in where we saw Mike was sitting off alone but then Cindy Meyers came in and sat on his right. Carol Starr came and sat a space down from him on his left with only one seat between him and her. When we came in Linda wanted us to sit together so Linda  told Carol to scoot down next to Mike which she did then we sat down. Then Mardene  came in and saw that there was no room for her to sit next to Mike. Dirk Merrill came in and sat next to Cindy and Mardene sat next to him.

            This sounds so silly, and it was, but as I later found out in the evening that the seating arrangement was the cause of much hurt and angry feelings among the Sisters who live in Apartment 27 at the Seville.

            Fast and Testimony meeting was great with Ken Lewis and Corrie Mohr both members of our family bearing their testimonies. Stake President Daines was our Presiding Authority and Bro. Gene Mills conducted. The Sacrament song was “I Stand All Amazed” which is my favorite hymn.

            After Fast and Testimony meeting, I went with Linda  to Roger Foote’s Sunday School Class. The lesson was on LDS history, and he showed a film on our pioneer heritage. Then I walked Linda home, and I went back to the apartment. When Mike came home, I apologized to him for losing my temper with him this morning. It was a hard thing to do but I felt better afterwards for having done it. Nancy Shelley came over with her little boy Michael Sean and fixed dinner for Ken and Ken’s friend Marvin Jones.

            It was such a beautiful spring like day again; so crystal clear and wonderful out. I wanted to go for a walk with Linda, but she said she had to do her visiting teaching assignments. After Ken, Marvin, and Nancy were done in the kitchen, Mike and I ate Sunday dinner  together which surprised me because we haven’t eaten together in weeks.

            Afterwards he rushed out of the apartment, and Nancy asked where Mike was going, and he said over to the Seville. So, I thought he went to spend the afternoon with Mardene. Ken had to go to a MIA Publicity meeting, and Marvin went home as soon as he had eaten. So, Nancy and I had a chance to get to know each other better. I related how I met Ken as my dorm mate when I first came to BYU a year ago. I’ve known Ken much longer than Nancy has. Her little boy Mikey is so cute. He reminds me of my nephew James.

            In the late afternoon I baked an apple pie for Piper Ballou’s return, and I was also in the mood to make something else, so I made a banana nut cake from bananas we had that were getting too ripe. But I didn’t have a chance to bake it after making the batter up until after the Fireside tonight.

            At 6 this evening I called Linda to remind her about going to the Fireside and that I would pick her up at 6:30. As I got into my Pinto, I saw Mike run into the apartment, and I just thought he was in a hurry to get ready for the Fireside.

When I picked Linda up, I asked her where everyone was as she was the only one at the apartment. To my amazement, she said they had already left with Dirk, even Mardene! By then I was totally confused about what was going on. All that Linda would tell me was that Mike and Mardene were warring. I was truly amazed.

            The Fireside was a Ten Stake one, with our 8th Stake being the host and was held in the Marriott Center. The speaker was Bishop Vaughn Featherstone, and the opening song was again “I stand all amazed” which I truly was. A couple sang “O Divine Redeemer” which was just beautiful.

            Bishop Featherstone opened his remarks with a few jokes and then went on to relate stories concerning principles of being successful in our lives. He also warned us not to put a time limit on the blessings coming from the Lord. All in all, it was a wonderful Fireside. The closing song was “I Need Thee Every Hour.”

            Linda and I drove home, and the other girls came in shortly after we did. We then all left to go over to the 303 East House to have Family Prayer there. Linda and I brought with us the apple pie I made for Piper and the plant I bought to replace the one I ruined but she still wasn’t home yet from Page. Ron Wise, a family brother from last semester even came over. Mike was already at Marta Gilling’s when Linda and I arrived. I felt a lot of tension in the air.

            We sang “O My Father” and Ron gave the Family Prayer and asked for a blessing upon Mike as our Family father. Afterwards, Linda and I walked home, and Mike walked with Barbara Smith. I stayed with Linda at her apartment until her Visiting Teacher Supervisor came over them, I left.

            I came back home, talked to Greg Earl some and baked the banana nut cake. When it cooled, I frosted it. When Mike came in, I could tell he was still put out about today’s events and before going to bed I found out like Paul Harvey would say “The Rest of the Story.”

            Evidently Mardene chewed Cindy out for not getting up and letting Mardene sit next to Mike, but Mike had told Cindy to stay where she was and not be bossed by Mardene. He then had gone over to the Seville 27 to talk to Linda about what happened and not to Mardene which made Leila Olsen and Carol Starr mad at him and they gave him a dressing down. He was so depressed tonight and wanted me also to be mad at him too, but I refused to do it. Instead, I asked a favor of him. I asked if we could just pray together and this time he said yes. That is why the day ended most happily.

4 February 1974 Monday

This morning I was up at 10:30, said my prayers, and showered. There wasn’t anything which had to be done this morning, so I just cleaned up the kitchen from dishes left last night and this morning and straightened up the front room. I refuse to live in a flop house. I read some more from  “Lord of the Rings” until I had to go into work at 1 in the afternoon. I walked down as it was a warm sunny day about 50 degrees. It seemed so much like spring is finally on its way. All the snow is melted form the lawns and off the houses. The sun was even warm on the neck.

            Nathan Combs, my boss, was working until 2:30 because we had a very busy lunch rush. Because of that I spent most of the afternoon washing up the dishes rather than cooking. Looking at the new week’s schedule I saw that I work this week, Monday, Friday, and Saturday. I told Nathan I had asked for Saturday off a while ago because the BYU Preference Dance and Dinner that Barbara Smith had asked me to go with her last month. He wanted to know what time that was, so I called Barbara up to ask her about it. I was a little tiffed that she hadn’t once since asking me to attend any details about Preference or what is going on surrounding it. Once I got a hold of her, she said that the Basketball Game was from 3 to 5 in the afternoon so, Nathan said I could come in at 5:30 on that day, That was a relief.

            The night dragged on and at 10:30 at night I was off. The weather had changed drastically since I was out in it this afternoon. The wind was blowing fiercely almost like a gale. While the winds were strong and cool, they weren’t frigid. A lot of dirt was being blown into the air and I got a lot of grit in my hair and on my clothes.

            When I came home, Mike Allred was laying on the couch studying for his big test tomorrow. I was in a fairly good mood, and we talked some. Mardene Francis had left today for a campout as part of her teaching I-Step Class. She will be back this Friday for Preference. The real downer was when Mike told me that Linda Prindle didn’t want to see me until after Wednesday when she goes to the Provo Temple. I was not upset with Linda but with all the family’s interference by putting her under so much pressure. I don’t know whether he was tired or still depressed but soon his attitude got to me, and I left  to shower and go  to bed.

            When I came home, I saw that Mike did his own grocery shopping today instead of waiting for tomorrow so I could go too. He knows I like to shop with him.

Additional Material

            In the news Heiress Patty Hearst was kidnapped from her Berkeley, California apartment by members of the Symbionese Liberation Army. The FBI justified its infiltration and harassment of lesbian organizations by stating that two SLA members were lesbians.

5 February 1974 Tuesday

I was up at 10 this morning, said my prayers, and showed. It was cold this morning so the winds must have brought in a cold front. I felt tired and achy like I am coming down with something. I looked out the window and it was snowing! The parking lot was completely covered  and so was my Pinto and Mike Allred’s Volkswagen bug. It continued to heavily snow all day.

            Mike called me from campus this morning and asked me to find what his reading assignment was as he had forgotten to take his notes. Then Piper Ballou called me and asked if I would take her to school so she wouldn’t have to trudge through the snow. She said she also had some fillings in her teeth put in while down in Page, Arizona and the cold air was hurting them. I said I would but first I went down to the Westward Café to pick up my check. I made $50.50 but only cleared $43 not enough to pay rent. So, I went to the Deseret Savings and Loan and put in $33 and kept out $10 for expenses. I now have $333 in the bank.

            I left there and drove over to fetch Piper and take her to school . Along the way we talked about her trip to Page and how she said she is planning on being married to Richard Holmes at the end of Summer. Of all my family sisters I am closest to Piper. She is so fun and nonjudgmental. I hope we can stay friends forever.

She understands why I am so resentful about the family interfering between Linda and me saying I’m not worthy enough because I am not a Return Missionary. It’s mainly coming from Marta Gillings and Barbara Smith. Marta and I were quite serious back in November, but we broke up after Thanksgiving. Our relationship has strained the family, but I’ve tried to get over it and remain friends with her, but she won’t have any of it. Barbara Smith thinks I led her on because she developed a crush on me, but I never did. She had asked me to Preference I think right after I returned from Christmas Vacation before Linda, and I began to get serious. Ever since, Barbara has been jealous and resentful towards Linda and me both.

            The rest of the snowy day I did some laundry and read some from “Lord of the Rings” while in the evening Mike went to MIA, but I didn’t because I was still peeved about Linda not wanting to see me until after tomorrow. Mike said the MIA was having a sock hop dance.

            When Mike returned from MIA, he was in a good mood which helped me get out of the funky mood I was in. I’m not feeling well, and neither is Mike. There is the flu or something going around. Mike made my night by having us pray together before going to bed. He offered the prayer. I was not all that tired and didn’t get to sleep way after Mike did. I stayed up to 1 in the morning reading and writing in this journal.

6 February 1974 Wednesday

I was up by 9 this morning. I said my prayers and read the three Epistles of John. Then I showered and fixed a little something to eat. At 11 I decided to clean up the apartment. It was a mess. Afterwards I went shopping for groceries. I thought I’d do it all at once for the month instead of once a week. There will still be perishables I’ll have to buy every week such as bread, milk, eggs, and meat but I bought all my can goods in advance. I spent $22 but I bought a lot which will last me a good while.

            Coming home I made a lemon meringue pie. They are so easy to make just hard to spell. No letters or news in the mail today so I spent the afternoon watching a show on Marilyn Monroe. It wasn’t a very productive afternoon studying wise. I guess I still haven’t started my sets of lessons for this week’s Book of Mormon Home Study course.

            I the late afternoon, Mike Allred come home at 3 from his classes. This semester he’s taking Chemistry 106, Microbiology 331, and Bio Ag 301. Ken Lewis is not attending school this term, and neither am I. Anyway, I was getting nervous just sitting around waiting for Linda Prindle to call tonight when she gets back from going through the Temple, so I asked Mike if he wanted to go to the movies just to get out of the apartment. To my great shock and astonishment, he said “yes.”  He mustn’t be feeling well! No not really just kidding.

            Anyway, we went to the Pioneer Drive-In and saw “Chariots of the Gods” and the “Neptune Factor.”  Chariots was interesting with the premise that ancient alien astronauts had come to the earth, The Neptune Factor as boring and was about a submarine which got sunk from an undersea earthquake. The Pioneer Drive-In has in car heaters like their speakers, but it was cold sitting out in Mike’s VW bug. The full moon was very luminescent tonight.

            We were home by 11 at night and we went to bed shortly afterwards. Mike and I had prayers together again and it was my turn to offer them. I wanted to call Linda tonight but since we were home to late, I thought better of it. February so far is turning out to be a better month than January.

7 February 1974 Thursday

Early this morning at 7 I heard the phone ringing, and it was a phone call from Mom. At first, I thought someone must have died for her to call so early in the middle of the week. Instead, it was about my car insurance. She called to tell me to go ahead and get the “no-fault” insurance because in Utah it’s the state law. She also said that Dad was still not feeling well from the car accident he was in last year. He’ll be off work until March 4th. He’s been off work since before Christmas and now the doctors say Dad has developed arthritis in his neck too. Poor Dad.

            I was surprised to hear that Grandma and Grandpa Johnson were out in California visiting with Mom and Dad. They have never come to California from Texas before in the middle of February. They always came either in the Summer or at Christmas time.

            Well, I finally found out that my cousin Larry Fagen and his wife Pam had their baby. They had a boy that weighed 9 pounds. They named him Erin Paul Fagen. That’s about all the news from home so I went back to bed to sleep some more.

I was up at 9 again when Mike Allred got up. He slept through his morning class. I fixed a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. I wanted to call Linda Prindle, but Mike said I ought to wait until she called me, so I took his advice.

Nathan Combs called and asked if I would come into work at the Westward Café and I said I would because I need the money. I went into work at 1 and worked just until 6 in the evening. When I came home, I saw that Mike had gone down already to Grand Central and bought the ironing board that was on sale for me. It was truly thoughtful of him to do so. I was tired of having wrinkled clothes and ironing on the dining table. Now our clothes can look sharp again.

I didn’t accomplish anything in the evening. I wanted to take Linda to the show to see “Fiddler on the Roof”, but she had a night class until 7:30 and then she wanted to do her Visiting Teaching obligation.

I ended up going to Family Prayer at 9 at the Seville 27and afterwards Linda went with me as I drove Piper Ballou home. After dropping Piper off, Linda and I went for a little drive down to Springville and back to Provo so we could talk without any of the family listening in on our conversation. It seems that Linda had written Marta Gillings a note saying she was hoping that she and Marta could remain friends if Linda started dating me. It was Marta who asked Linda not to see me for the past 3 days until after Linda had gone to a Temple Session. Linda also confided in me tonight things that I knew all along about her being slightly epileptic and had minor spells when she got overly tired. She thought she had to tell me in case it would affect our relationship. Linda is so special and sweet. Why should it?

8 February 1974 Friday

            I woke up when Mike Allred got up to get ready for his chemistry class but didn’t get out of bed until he came back home after class. He has a long break of Fridays until 1 in the afternoon when I leave to go to work.

I didn’t do much this morning. At lunch time I broke my fast, that I started yesterday to purify my thoughts. I did feel better after I had something to eat.

Mike and I just gabbed for most of the morning until I had to go into work at 1 in the afternoon and Mike drove me down as he had to go to his class. Mike Allred despite all the problems we have had is still my best buddy now. I only wish I could be worthy for him to call me his best friend. Perhaps not the best friend but a best friend.

I worked until 10:30 and it was just an average night with not much happening. For some dumb reason, I was considering going back this Sunday to the Church of Christ in Orem but then I thought “no,” I can’t go back. Besides, I know my church is the true church and all other churches belong to the Great and Abominable Church of the Devil.

But sometimes I don’t feel like I am a part of the Latter-Day Saints anymore because of the probation President Warner has me on and being suspended from BYU this semester. I so want to take the Lord’s Supper again even if I have to go back to the Church of Christ to do it. But I could never believe that way again not after knowing that the Book of Mormon is true, and the Restored Gospel was revealed to Joseph Smith the Prophet. I guess I am a Mormon now through and through so there’s no going back but is there any going forward? Everyone in the family knows that I don’t take the Sacrament nor use my Priesthood in Church anymore. I know they are all wondering why.

Having this Bishop Court loom over my head is the worse feeling. I couldn’t bear 5 years of being cut off from the church because I love the Church so very much. I’ve made it my whole life. I can’t give it up, but it may give me up. What to do? What to do? I am feeling completely and absolutely helpless. All I can do is keep the Lord’s commandments and trust in Him. I know all things will be for my own good and eternal salvation. God is my Father and I know he will do what is best for me even if at the time it may be painful. Patience and faith in the Lord will carry me through this travail.

Tonight, is the Seals and Crofts Concert at the Marriott Center. I sure would have like to have gone. Hummingbird don’t fly away.

Additional Material

The Chairwoman of the Mississippi Gay Alliance attempted to publish a notice in the Mississippi State University's student newspaper The Reflector. The announcement was refused. The MGA would later file suit, however the court would find that because homosexual acts are illegal, any notice which refers to homosexual related activities does not have to be accepted in Mississippi.

9 February 1974 Saturday

Today didn’t start off all that hot. That’s for sure. Last night I was ticked off because before going into work, I had specifically asked Mike Allred to leave the door unlocked as I had misplaced my key. When I came home the door was locked! I was put out because while I didn’t think Mike had locked the door on purpose, I thought he could have left a note for Ken Lewis and Greg Earl. So, I pounded on the door until Ken got up and let me in. He then went back to sleep.

            Once inside I saw that my stereo was missing . I looked for a note to explain where it was but there wasn’t any. I was really put out because I hadn’t been asked first if someone wanted to borrow it.

            I went to bed at midnight but at 2 in the morning I was woken by Mike coming in and turning on the lights. I didn’t get back to sleep until 5 in the morning tossing and turning.

            When Mike got up this morning he came over and kicked my bed as to wake me up. I told him to cut it out. I was so tired that I didn’t make it this morning’s Branch Baptism or to Piper Ballou’s basketball game.

            About all I did was take Linda Prindle, Leila Olsen, and Carol Starr so they could go grocery shopping. I found out from them that Cindy Myers had told Mike that I had given her permission to use my Stereo when I hadn’t.        When I came back to the apartment I apologized to Mike because I had accused him of just taking my stuff without asking me first.

            The Men’s Basketball Game was at 3 this afternoon in the Marriott Center. As part of Preference, I took Barbara Smith and Steve Fox took Mardene Francis. Leila Olsen went with Dave Excell. We played the El Paso University of Texas. It was a slow game until the 2nd half then it really picked up with us winning 54 to 51.

            The game was over at 5 and I had to take Barbara home and rush into work. I worked from 5:30 to 10:30. I tried calling Linda Prindle twice from work because we really hadn’t been alone all day, but Mardene answered and said that Linda was in a “family council” and couldn’t come to the phone. That kind of peeved me that I had to have Mardene’s  permission to talk with Linda.

            Today was another beautiful spring-like day and I received two Valentine Cards in the mail from Mom and Dad and another from Grandma and Grandpa Johnson. I hope tomorrow will continue to be a beautiful day.

Additional Material

Love Unlimited Orchestra’s “Love's Theme” hit number one and would remain number 1 until 1 March 1974

10 February 1974 Sunday

Today was a wonderful Sabbath Day. Mike Allred and I walked down to Farrer Junior High for Priesthood which began at 9:15 this morning. Bro. John Moss presided and Bro, Tim Garbett conducted. I went to Rob Robison’s class because I get the most out of his lessons but then walked back home instead of attending Sunday School. I wasn’t feeling all that great. Besides, I wanted to call Mom and Dad this morning to speak to Grandma and Grandpa without everyone listening in. When I did it sounded so good to hear their voices. I guess they will be going home to Texas this Thursday on Valentines’ Day.

            After talking to my folks in California I fixed a Sunday dinner of meatballs and rice or should I say “soy bean” balls and rice. When I was trying to fix dinner, I thought I was making jello but instead I wasn’t paying attention and used a pudding mix. I wondered why it wouldn’t set up. Goofy. In the afternoon Barbara Smith called and said that Linda Prindle was sick  but wanted to attend Sacrament so Barbara asked if I would come and drive her to the meeting. In the meanwhile, just as Mike and I were about to sit down to eat Sunday dinner, my Home Teachers, Chuck Swan, and John Mourtgos, came by. I have yet to eat a Sunday Dinner hot.

Anyway, we went into the back bedroom for privacy, and I talked to them about the problems I have been going through and how they could serve me better as Home Teachers. I was John’s Home Teacher until President Warner released me from all my callings.

            This afternoon Mike drove with Mardene Francis out into Provo Canyon to tell her he was breaking up with her. At 3:30 I went over to see how Linda was feeling and I met Mike instead who was returning from Seville 27. He was in a strange mood, so I went and talked with him instead of seeing Linda to see if he was all right. I guess they broke it off on good terms.

            Anyway, I asked Mike to come along with Linda and I to drive to Sacrament which started at 4 this afternoon. We were surprised when we arrived at the meeting because the seating arrangement had been changed from rows of 2 aisles to rows in a semi-circle. It was a better arrangement for sure, I think. More intimate. I could tell that Linda was not feeling well. Her cold had settled in her chest, and she felt woozy all throughout the meeting.

            Bro. John Moss presided over Sacrament while President Warner conducted the meeting. President Warner called upon Donna May Smalley who was baptized yesterday to bear her testimony. Bro. John Gardner shared some statistics about our Branch and how we compared to others. Then Bro. John Moss spoke. Mardene led us in the closing hymn which was “God Be With You Until We Met Again.” The new Branch Directories came out today also.

            After Sacrament was over, I drove Linda home and we talked a good while before the others came in. I didn’t want her staying up because of her illness so I left to go back to the Hostel at 6:30 so she could go to bed.

            Back at the apartment Greg Earl was off somewhere and Ken Lewis was spending the weekend down in Mapleton with Nancy Shelley. So, it was just Mike and I home alone and I suddenly got into a playful mood for some reason. I was really being a pain to Mike. I wanted him to box, wrestle, or something physical with me. He was getting quite annoyed.

            At nine Mike and I went over to Seville 27 for family prayer, and I was still in a playful mood, so I carried Leila Olsen outside and was pretending to throw her off the balcony that was three feet off the ground. She escaped so I pulled Piper Ballou by the foot and out the door. She was laughing and threatening to kick me and smash my face in. I gracefully retreated because Piper is taller, younger, and way more athletic than me. I ran back across the street to the Apartment 7 at the Hostel trying to get the adrenaline out of my system but didn’t succeed.      When retiring, Mike said it was my turn to pray tonight so I had to settle down and get the silly mood I was in out of my system. It wasn’t easy and it was after midnight before we finally got off to sleep. I don’t know what got into me, but it took a while for me to settle down.

            It was a nice clear and sunny day today. Maybe I have cabin fever. It was kind of nippy out but not extremely cold for this time of year.

11 February 1974 Monday

I was up at 10 this morning but should have gotten up earlier but I had no will power. I need to be more discipline  though so I can get more things accomplished. I called Nathan Coombs my boss this morning to find out what my schedule is for this week. He said I work today, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. He wanted me to come in a little early also at 12:30 so I worked 10 hours today.

            In the mail I received letters from Mom containing my W2 forms and an insurance card saying the Pinto is insured now, a letter from my Aunt Pauline Johnson, another letter from Mom containing  the most exciting news I’ve had in a long time. Mom wrote that the LDS Missionary Elders had been by the house to visit but Dad wouldn’t have any of it but did tell them that they could come back at the end of February, and he then would listen to what they had to say.

            I was thrilled. Mom and Dad are having Missionary lessons! Oh, I do hope those Elders have a special spirit with them because they will need it to get through to my folks. Mom said she was surprised that Dad even allowed them into the house. I will be anxiously awaiting to see what comes out of this.

            Mom also said in her letter that my sister Donna was made the manager of the “Funky Taco” stand in Anaheim, where she works but she is putting in long 12-hour days. My sister and brother-in-law Charline and Dennis Wachs are all moved into their new house in Corona, and I guess James will begin school in July.

            I went into work and worked mainly with Wanda the Waitress. She’s young but fun and keeps the bus boys in line. I called Linda Prindle at 7 this evening to see how she is feeling, and she said she is going the Y’s Health Center Clinic tonight even though she is feeling better.

            For Family Home Evening the guys went roller skating tonight as far as I know. When we closed at 10:30, Wanda gave me a ride home which was nice of her. Mike’s in a quite mood. I guess just is tired. Should be.

12 February 1974  Tuesday

I woke up this morning with a sore throat. I just hope I am not coming down with anything. This spring-like weather is making all the viruses come out of their dormant state. I didn’t have much time to do much today. Linda Prindle is still pretty sick. I wish there was more I could do for her.

            I went into work at 1 this afternoon and worked until 10:30  with Ranae who was waitressing. I called Mike Allred from work when it was slow. He has a dinner date tonight over at Janie Posey’s apartment.

            When I got off work I went straight home and got ready for bed. I prayed with Mike tonight with Mike offering the prayer, then we had our own separate prayers. I was in bed by 11:30 tonight and worn out.

            I received my grades back from my first home study lessons on the Book of Mormon. I received a B+ on the first set and an A  on the next two sets.

Additional Material

Janie Posey was a Native American girl who was a family sister when I lived in the Helaman Hall dormitories. She was also a contributor to Elbert Peck’s newsletter we wrote while in the dorms.

13 February 1974 Wednesday

I woke up at 7 this morning and got up to take a long hot shower. I was feeling rather grody. My throat is infected by mucus draining down it all night long. I had to go to the Deseret Savings and Loan today to withdraw $50, to pay a $42 phone bill and the rest for other things.

            I drove down to Springville and ordered Barbara Smith her corsage for Preference. It will be white roses with pink carnations hopefully. While at the florist  I bought some roses and carnations for Linda Prindle also, hopefully to make her feel better and to show her I love her. She needed to go back to the Y’s Health Center Clinic at 2:30 this afternoon and I drove her there. She was in such misery. I got her home by 4 and told the other girls to put her to bed and I canceled our date for tonight to see “Fiddler On the Roof.” Neither one of us would have felt well enough to enjoy it.

Then I went to the Storehouse Market where I bought some detergent, bleach, starch, and bluing to do my wash up. When I did my laundry, I starched my shirts which have never been done and then when I came home, I got into my pajamas, and spent the early part of the evening ironing.

I was feeling so achy that I didn’t feel like fixing anything for dinner, so I mainly ate chocolate chip ice-cream  for my supper. It felt so good on my sore throat. Mike and I were quarreling again which didn’t make me feel any better either. I sometimes feel like it’s absolutely hopeless, futile, and useless trying to maintain this friendship. If I could know with complete certainty whether Mike even wanted my friendship that would help but sometimes, I feel that he’s just counting the days before he can get away from everything, me included.

I feel like my friendship is a burden to him he would like to throw off his self. If I knew this for a fact, I would help him by alleviating the problem and disappear. Then at other times we are great friends, and his fellowship means the world to me,  The trouble with Mike is that I let him know too much of what I wanted him to know about me and now he thinks  he has me pegged. Mike thinks he knows me. He doesn’t. Not at all.

            “And I have known the eyes already, known them all. The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase and when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin, When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall, Then how should I begin, to spit out the butt ends of my days and  ways? And how should I presume?”  I have always thought this passage from TS Elliott’s poem The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock captured how people assume they know me when they don’t at all.

            At 9 tonight my Home Teachers came by for their visit. We went back into the bedroom to talk because the other kids were coming over to the apartment for Family Prayer at 9:30. At first my Home Teachers just read some scriptures to me and talked about the Preexistence and the Spirit war there. Right before they came over, I had just had hard feelings towards Mike which made me feel guilty even to come before the Lord in prayer.

After a while Bro. John Mourtgos could sense I was not being responsive to their lesson, and he asked what was really bothering me. I told Chuck Swan and him that at times I feel torn spiritually in two. I said I wasn’t sure anymore whether I was really the object of a spiritual tug a war  over my soul or whether I simply had a mental disorder.

            I said I feel schizophrenic sometimes because I hear two voices in my mind trying to shout down the other. When evil and debase thoughts begin to penetrate my brain I immediately do as the General Authorities have counseled to sing a hymn because they said the mind can’t have two thoughts at the same time. Well, I do that. I sing a hymn in my mind, but the other voice keeps trying to shout it down. Eventually the hymn always wins and the other voice which sometimes I think is my true self goes away but it’s very disturbing.

            I then told the Home Teachers some of my conversion story, of how three years ago, I had been through a traumatic experience  which had stripped me of any personal identity. I was then searching and confused. The college life I had known, opened more questions than gave me any answers. Every wind of doctrine of man was thrown at me but my testimony of God’s love for me made my heart know that He would answer all my questions about who I was.

            After my Home teachers left at 11 tonight, I went to bed shortly thereafter. Mike and I said our prayers together, but he said it was my turn to say the prayer.

After Chuck and John left, I wrote in my journal what I dared not share with the Home Teachers. I am writing in this journal at the foot of the Wasatch Mountains in Utah County, Utah. I am now paying the price of a life of sin. If I could just set my life completely in order, I would be happy, but I have spent 15 years of my life getting it in disorder.

            Then on 9 July 1971, a spirit being enclosed in light proclaimed himself by the name Nishenbaum who was an Angel saying he was bringing me a new beginning. From that Moment on, my life began anew. Every action and course that I have pursued since that time has been the direct result of that experience I had on my Grandparent’s farm.

            I was immediately tested for my strength, but the Lord found that I had none but on 23 December 1971 He was willing to forgive my weaknesses if I would but lean on him. I did so and became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints on 20 May 1972. Then on 9 July 1972, the Holy Ghost whispered that there would not be any more visitations for its purpose was to bring me to the True Church. I was now to look towards the General Authorities for revelations and guidance. While I had this warning, I succumbed again to wickedness and to show repentance my mind saw apocryphal literature which I assume would answer piercing questions about my nature.

            Thus, I then began my trek into spiritualism and as an infant in the Gospel I was led astray by the Master of deceit. I was so unhappy at the time when I began to write which seemed to give meaning to a meaningless life. The Lord must have known what was to pass for me as He is omniscient, so he called me to the Mountains of Utah. I went because I promised the Lord I would go where he asked me to go. I had no idea how I was to accomplish the task of the writings and moving to Utah, but I did it.

            I am sure it will take a few years to set my life as the Lord would have me if I just follow the counsel of the General Authorities and hold on tight to the Iron Rod of the Gospel Oh to be a child again free from earthly stains.

14 February 1974 Thursday

I was up at 10 this morning but feeling really poorly. My throat was really sore now. I bet I have strep. Linda Prindle said she is feeling a little better now, so I went over to see her before going into work. I sure don’t get to talk to her as much as I like to without all her roommates hanging around.

            I worked from 1 to closing at 10:30 and I was really feeling badly. Before going into work, I bought some Contact Cold pills and Aspirin-Gum for my sore throat. It was a pretty busy night also, so I was really out of it by the time I came home to the apartment.

            Mike Allred was already in bed, so we didn’t say our prayers together tonight. In my prayers I keep getting reminded of my duty to my family, the living, the dead, and the unborn whom I have been neglecting by being so preoccupied with things of this world and temporary relationships which in the scope of eternity are relatively unimportant. O, I need to single my eye to the Glory of God and truly start to bring forth his creation. I need to start preparing for marriage and start in on my own genealogical work.

15 February 1974 Friday

Today was a busy hectic day. This morning before going into work, I had to go down to Springville to pick up Barbara Smith’s corsage. It was really beautiful. Then I had to wash the Pinto and get it all cleaned up for tonight’s Preference. That’s about all I had time for before going into work at 1 this afternoon. I only worked until 6 this evening when Chuck, the other grill cook, came in to take the rest of my shift.

            I rushed home where I saw a pile of dishes in the kitchen which haven’t been done all week. I figure since they are my property, if I don’t wash them, no one else will. I was rather put out. The last thing I wanted to do when I come home is wash the dishes. I do enough of that at work.

            After putting the dishes up to dry, I took a shower and got ready for the dance. I wore my beige color flare slacks, with a dark gray-blue shirt, a blue bow tie that Kathy Ausderau had made me when we were still friends, my dark brown sport coat, and my brown and white platform shoes.

            I went over to the Seville 27 early at 8 this evening to pick up Barbara, though I said I’d pick her up at 8:30. I wanted Linda Prindle to see me all suited up. Cindy Meyers was already dressed and waiting for her date, Michael Meyers to come pick her up. Cindy was wearing a black formal dress and Michael gave her a Yellow Orchid corsage.

            When Barb came out of her room, she really looked pretty, and she was beaming. She wore a low-neck lavender formal down and the white roses corsage I brought her really went well with her dress. She gave me a white rose boutonnière to wear in my lapel. I had Leila Olsen take a picture of the two of us so Barb could have a snapshot of the occasion.

            Linda had helped Barbara get ready and I thought that was kind and special of her considering how Barb has been acting towards her this past month.

            When we left for the Alumni House, Barbara had left her tickets to the dance at home, so we had to return to retrieve them, so we were finally back on campus at 8:45.  We then went for a stroll around the campus because the dance didn’t begin until 9.    The night was clear, and all the stars were brightly shining. The air felt cool and crisp and there was a bright quarter moon hanging over the mountains.

            The dance was really nice, and we saw Cindy and Mike, Mike Allred, and Mardene Francis. Leila Olsen and Dave Excell, and Chuck Swan and his date Debbie Jeffs there. After Preference was over, I took Barbara back to Seville 27 where we had pie and ice cream.

16 February 1974  Saturday

I slept in this morning until 10 and didn’t do a heck of a lot until I went into work at the Westward Café at 2 this afternoon. I did make some chocolate chip cookies for the guys to snack on before heading off to work. I left a note over the sink to help yourself but please wash, dry, and return the dishes to the cupboard  where you found them when you are through using them. I hope they get the message.

            Ken Lewis is gone for the weekend. He went to St. George with Nancy Shelley so she can meet his folks. I guess they will be back on Monday. There’s a breach in Mike Allred and my friendship again. I don’t know what caused it maybe a complete feeling of apathy towards each other. I don’t know.

            I worked until closing at 10:30 and it was good to come home and get into a cozy bed. Mike and I have stopped praying together again. That didn’t last long.

            I sure don’t hear much in the news anymore since working and not reading the Daily Universe. What I do hear is mainly all about Watergate. If President Nixon is guilty of all they say he is, which I pray he isn’t but suspect that he is,  then  I think he should be impeached by Congress and if convicted  he should on his own volition resign.

            The times we live in are enough to make a dead man turn over in his grave. I am grateful that I am a Latter Day Saint and have the Church to give me direction in my life. It has sustained me like nothing else has or could. America is a land favored by God, choice above all other lands. America is the land where the Gospel was restored, and I love America for it. It is not America that has gone bad but the warped ambition of a few wicked men.

I don’t know what is to become of me in the next few months with my Bishop Court looming ahead of me. It makes my burdens hard to bear. My head is spinning. I just know things are changing all around me; in what direction I cannot say. I wish I would hear something soon from President Warner. Not knowing is the worse.

Additional Material

 The Way We Were by Barbra Streisand  was number 1 again until 23 February 1974

17 February 1974 Sunday

I almost didn’t make it to Church this morning. I was still feeling sickly, but I thought that wasn’t a good enough excuse so at the last minute I got dressed and went. Mile Allred left early as he was asked by one of the sisters, who was teaching Relief Society on Argentina, if he would help her with her lesson as that is where he went on his Mission. So, he’s teaching Relief Society today.

            I went over to Seville 27 and picked up Linda Prindle and Mardene Francis to walk with them down to Farrer Junior High. The rest of the crew had left already. It was snowing this morning and all the nice weather we had been having is gone. It was a cold wintry day.

            Priesthood was really inspiring, and I am so lucky I went instead of sleeping in. Stake President Robert K Thomas presided over the Meeting and lent it his own special spirit. He spoke of genealogy and heritage and admonished us to keep a journal for our children’s sake.

            We didn’t divide up into separate classes but stayed together the full time and listened to what President Thomas had to say to us. I also stayed for Sunday School because our Family Group finally gets to take the Family Exaltation Class. Art Meacham and his wife teaches the class. Today we talked about our pioneer heritage.

            After Sunday School  I walked Linda home. She had lost her umbrella and while we looked for it, we couldn’t find it. It turned up later when we went back for Sacrament. I spent much of this snowy afternoon with Linda. I didn’t want to be alone with Mike at our apartment as there’s no communion between, he and me. I don’t feel good being around him when he’s in this mood and I need to be into a proper attitude to deal with him.

            Sacrament was one of the most inspirational  meetings I have ever attended. The talks given were desperate needed by me. Reba Keele, the President of Relief Society and Dick Wilson, President of the Elder’s Quorum spoke on true Sisterhood and Brotherhood.

            Reba used these quotes and ideas from a book called “The Transparent Self by Sydney M Jourard.

 “I suppose that a man’s life begins to lose meaning most rapidly when he becomes estranged from his fellows, when they become strangers to him and when he lets himself become a stranger to them; when he distrusts others so much, he misleads them into thinking they know him when in fact, he knows that they do not and cannot. What consequences follow when men disclose their real selves one to the other? Here are some more obvious outcomes. The Learn the extent to which they are similar one to the other, and the extent they differ from one another… They learn of the other man’s needs, enabling them to help him meet them or else to ensure that they will not be met. They learn the extent to which this man accords with it deviates from the moral and ethical standards for being and behaving. You cannot love another person, that us, behave toward him so as to foster his happiness and growth, unless you know what he need. And you cannot know what he needs unless you have engaged in enough mutual disclosure if self to be able to anticipate how he will react and part he will play.”

            Viktor Frankl wrote in “Man’s Search for Meaning” that “Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware if the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By the spiritual act of love, he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person, and even more, he sees that which is the potential in him, that which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized. Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize these potentialities , By making him aware he can be and of what he should become, he makes these potentialities come true.”

            Reba Keele said she believes that God is a Behaviorist in the sense he allows us to practice all the behaviors on earth that we will need as Gods … “and it has been a source of interest to me to note the amount of practice that is structured for woman to woman and man to man relationships. We have Relief Society and Elders Quorum… and in the temple we sit on opposite sides, women helping women, men helping men then join together as man and wife allegorically, when the ‘perfecting and covenanting process” is peaking. This implies to me that our Father believes that we need practice in those area and if we master those , the man to woman relationships, meaning husband and wife relationships will follow naturally, being based on the principles we have learned  about Sisterhood and Brotherhood.”

            “ Mile after mile of passing faces, Marching by, Some fast, some slower, Eyes glancing up, meeting mine, Curiously, Disinterestedly, Questioningly, Guardedly, Amused, Mine reaching back, Searchingly, Graspingly, Aching to Find the realness of each.

            Mile after mile of passing faces, Marching by, I’ll walk a time with you. You’re going my way. I’ll walk a time with you. You asked me to. I’ll walk a time with you. To learn your life. I’ll walk a time with you. You need my life. And love comes with the walking.”

            President John Taylor wrote in 1876 “ We are supposed to be Brethren in the Church and Kingdom of God, knot together by the indissoluble ties of the Everlasting Gospel not for time only, but for eternity. Hence all our operations should be for that end, founded on the principles of righteousness and Friendship.”

            After Sacrament I walked Linda home and talked with her until it was time to come back over to the apartment and watch The Ten Commandments on TV tonight. As a rule, I don’t allow the television to be turned on; on Sundays but when there’s something special then I do. Most of the “family” came over to watch . The show is being shown in two parts as it is too long for one night. The first part ended at 10 tonight and that is when I took Linda home. There’s still no communication between Mike and I which makes my heart sick.

18 February 1974 Monday

I was up at 10 this morning and in at work at 1 in the afternoon. I worked until 10 at night with Wanda the Waitress for most of the night. I began to really feel bad about what happened between Mike Allred and I last night. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ we have no right to be acting this way not after all that Christ has done for us.

            When I came home from work the Ten Commandments was still on and I arrived just in time to see Pharaoh’s army drowned in the Red Sea. The movie was over at 10:30 and I walked Linda Prindle home. She knows how upset I am over the situations that exist between Mike and I in this apartment. Mike took Marta Gillings home and when he came back and while getting ready for bed, I asked him if we were going to have prayer tonight. He said no. What more can I do?

19 February 1974 Tuesday

Today was a heart-breaking day. My worst fears and suspicions were well founded. Mike Allred and Kathy Ausderau do hate me. I thought they were just mad at me but sadly I found out that this was not the case. She had written a letter to him concerned about his living with me. He had left it on the night stand, and I should not have read it, but I did. After putting my mind back together, my first concern was with Mike. No matter what I feel, or he feels, he needs to be helped to get Kathy’s venom out of his system. No one has the right to hate another, especially Brethren on the Church.

            I had so much to do in the three days I have off, but I can’t even think of doing anything with the way I feel right now. I went to see Linda Prindle during her noon break, and I didn’t want her to know anything was wrong, but she was too sensitive. She knew there was. We talked and she cheered me up.

            We took a carrying bag of hers down to be fixed at a repair shop and then I took her up to school. It was a miserable rainy, snowy day. In the afternoon I packed away many of my things and cleaned up my room. I have to set things right for I know Heavenly Father does not approve of what has been going on down here and we will be held accountable I know for all of our actions here in this apartment.

            Piper Ballou came over this evening to watch some television and we had a good talk. She comforted me. Piper is one of the best buddies I have. I called Linda and wanted to know whether she felt like joining us and watching TV or not. She had some typing to do so she brought her portable typewriter over and typed up some of her reports while we watched Happy Days on television together.

Then later Mike then came in the front room to watch Hawaii 5-0 some and I tried to be courteous  as much I could be. Things have to get better between us. We can’t live like this. Mike went to bed at 10:30. Linda had left after her typing was finished. Piper wouldn’t leave until after the Mod Squad was over at 11.

20 February 1974 Wednesday

Today was a good day and a sad day. This morning after I was up, I decided I had to do my laundry. I saw that Mike Allred had gathered up all his , so I went ahead and did both of ours. I had to begin somewhere to straighten out this mess between us. It was affecting my relationships with my other family friends and that isn’t good.

            I went over to see Linda Prindle at noon. I had forgotten to pick her up from school because of all that has been on my mind. I felt bad about that because he is so special to me and fast becoming my best friend. After we talked some, which made me happier, I drove her back up to BYU for her afternoon class.

            Then I went to the Westward Café to pick up my check. I made $107 and cleared $82. I have $330 in my savings now. I bought a new shirt and an ironing board pad for my ironing board.

 Back at the apartment I cleaned the place up and baked a banana nut cake for Elbert Peck’s birthday which is today. While I was doing that, Mike came home and started watching Star Trek at 4 this afternoon. I wanted to talk to him and try and make him understand that while I am not that important in the scheme of God’s plans for him, what he was doing to himself by being so angry at me was wrong. He has been cutting himself off not only from me, but also many of his friends. It was just killing his spirit.

I asked him when the last he went to the Temple was and he very coldly replied, “It’s none of your business.” I said it was my business because the spiritual welfare of the children of Heavenly Father is all our business. It’s our first concern. I asked him why didn’t he mind his own business instead of going to Argentina? Were the people of that country his business?

            We talked or rather I talked and, in my heart, cried. I was trying to desperately crack his hard shell which Mike had hardened his heart. In doing so I rent my soul in twain and my heart was broken. I felt totally and completely drained.

            The battle was fierce, but I think Mike and I won but at what cost I cannot say as yet. I asked if he would go with me to Piper Ballou’s last home basketball game. She was wanting the family to be there so I said I would go. It was at the Smith Field House.

            On the way up, Mike disclosed one of the reasons he had been so upset with me. A couple of days ago, I had talked to Linda and told her my conversion story since I thought it only fair for her understanding of what I had gone through to get where I am today.

Well, I finally realized that Mike has been looking at me for a long time skeptical that I had been visited by an angel and if so, it had to have been a demon. It was an idea that was hard for him to accept. I said you don’t have to be one of God’s appointed “chosen” leaders like General Authorities to receive visual messages from God. You could just be a plain ordinary person like me who had a heart ready to be receptive to hearing the Gospel and obeying it so that my family could be exalted.

            Begrudgingly Mike went with me to Piper’s home game, but I couldn’t stay for the entire game because I had to be over to see Elbert Peck because it is his 20th birthday. It was so good to see him again. We talked of many things, old and new and of people we loved and lost; beings that excite us to our core. Excitement, enthusiastic commitment, involvement, idealistic, these are all adjectives to describe Elbert my friend.

            Tomorrow he and I are going to interview Calvin Rampton, governor of Utah. I went to bed after reading from 3rd Nephi in the Book of Mormon.

21 February 1974 Thursday

What a happy day after such a sorrowful night. Last night I so wanted to talk with Mike Allred again to straighten things out between us, but he came home so late and just went straight to bed. My heart was very heavy with the weight of the things it held. It was a very restless night with my heart physically aching as I felt it was breaking from Michael’s rebuke of my friendship, concern, and love for him.

But how blessed I also felt so I pondered how great was the love which Christ held for the world that it’s rebuke could break his heart. Christ died of a broken heart. I was feeling despondent and hurt from Mike’s refusal of my help and love and it was very painful. But how much suffering did our Lord entail from the rebuke, not from just one soul but the entire world.

I was up this morning early at 7:15 to get ready to pick Elbert Peck up for us to drive up to Salt Lake, Mike asked me why I was all dressed up and I told him to go to Salt Lake. He asked why I was going to Salt Lake and I told him to see the Governor. He didn’t believe I was telling the truth, I’m sure. He never does.

How we got an interview to see Governor Rampton is so funny. Elbert is writing another dormitory floor paper like we did last year. To be funny he called the Governor’s office to ask for an interview. His secretary told Elbert that it would be all right thinking it was BYU’s Daily Universe. I’m the only one with a car so I was invited along.

Before leaving I asked Mike if we could have a morning prayer and he said it was all right. I gave it. It helped. I drove over and picked Elbert up and two of his friends from Deseret Towers and we were on our way. What an adventure! I had never been to the Capital before, so it was a new experience.

We were late for our appointment and the secretary was rather snotty, but the Governor was extremely friendly. Our appointment was at 9 but we were 20 minutes late. We were allowed into his office for a personal interview. We asked about how the energy crisis was affecting Utah. He said it would be very negative and far reaching but Utahns so far were voluntarily controlling their fuel consumption and allotment in so much Utah doesn’t see the long lines for gasoline like back East.

I asked if the energy crisis might be a boon to Utah’s economy  in as much it would tend to promote the Coal Industry. Governor Rampton said the coal industry would benefit but Utah would suffer the loss of tourism from people finding it too expensive to drive.

Elbert asked about Watergate and the impeachment of President Nixon. Governor Rampton said he would like to see the matter settled one way or another, quickly and promptly so that the nation could move ahead.

We spent about a half an hour speaking with him. He shook our hands, and I personally felt a good feeling towards him. We left the Capitol Building by 10:00. Hard to believe I was really there in the Governor’s Office. We arrived back to Provo by 11 in time to get Elbert to his class.

It was a cold, crystal clear morning with not a cloud in the sky. Mike was home from school when I returned. After his class, Elbert walked down to see me to talk about our adventure this morning. When I left to go pick up Linda Prindle, Elbert came with me, and I drove him back to Deseret Towers.

After taking Linda home, I went back to Apartment 7 at the Hostel and tried to talk to Mike some more but we kept having interference. He left at 2 in the afternoon to take Linda back up on campus and I went to Sears to see about getting no fault insurance with  Allstate Insurance. They said they would switch it for me, and my insurance will be $118 a year now.

I came back to the apartment and called home. Dad answered and I told him what the insurance man had told me. I also said I might come home again in April to visit before the Spring Term begins again. In the late afternoon I just fixed some dinner and cleaned up the kitchen.

Mike’s brother Dave Allred kept calling for him because his sister-in-law was having her baby. It was a boy and Mike’s first nephew. They are so dumb, the Allred’s, for they don’t name their babies until after they are born. He’s just an “it” until someone decides to give him a name, I guess. Northern people. I’ll never understand them.

This evening, nothing much got accomplished except the most important I guess and that was that Mike and I talked. Michael is once more the brother and friend, I so respect and admire.

My Home Teachers came by at 9 tonight and told me all about what a Bishop Court entails as I wanted to know what I might have to deal with. While they were with me. Mike and Linda walked over to the 303 House for family prayer, but no one was there. Mike was so mad that he said from now on it will be held here at our apartment.

Linda sent me a note which Mike gave me. I haven’t had time or the opportunity to be with her as much as I ought to be. She said the Temple attendance yesterday was truly spiritual and she got the answer to many of her prayers.

Tonight, I rhetorically asked Mike why can’t we all remain friends? We are so happy and content when we are and not so contentious.

Additional Memoirs

Elbert Peck had us go to Salt Lake City to interview Governor Calvin Rampton, the then Democratic Governor of Utah. Evidently when Elbert, who always thought big, called the governor’s secretary for an interview, she misunderstood who we were. Elbert simply said we wanted to interview the governor for a story in a BYU paper. She must have assumed he meant the Daily Universe, so she made an appointment for us. We met Governor Rampton in his office in the State Capitol Building. He was genuinely cordial, even friendly as we asked him all sorts of “soft ball” questions. One I remember was about why there were so many pot holes and he explained very sincerely about the freeze thaw cycle that plays havoc on asphalt. It was the first and last time I ever interviewed a sitting governor in the state of Utah. I wonder if Rampton’s staff ever looked for the interview in the Daily Universe.

22 February 1974 Friday

This afternoon before going into work, I went over to Seville 27 to see Linda Prindle. All this week we haven’t had any time together. I need the Lord in my life as a constant friend and companion to be my strength and my stay. How can I ever hope for his forgiveness for my sins unless I keep his commandments because I love him.

            How I am already seeing April coming quickly upon us when the term ends and we soon will all go our separate ways. I hope that Linda and I will have a relationship that will last past this school year.

Tonight, I quit my job at Westward Café. I know I did it rashly and in a bad way not giving any notice. I just could not take what being there was doing to my spirit. Working at a bus depot is so depressing with all the swearing, the stink of cigarette smoke, and the piles and piles of coffee cups. It was just dragging me down but what really took the cake so to speak was when Nathan Coombes jumped on my case about being 15 minutes late when I have twice stayed 15 minutes or more later than what I was paid for. I was late because of the snow storm that blew in and he was mad. A $1.75 an hour isn’t worth being yelled at.

            I was saddened to hear that one of the waitresses I used to work with was in an automobile accident yesterday and is at the Utah Valley Hospital now. How little we control our frail existence.

            I finished my shift at 10:30 tonight and drove over to see Piper Ballou and take her back to the apartment. We watched “Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman” for the Friday Night Horror features. She was really tired and couldn’t stay up for all of it, so I took her back to the 303 House. When I came back, Mike and I finished watching the rest of the movie. It was 1:30 in the morning before I was able to get any sleep after Mike and I prayed together.

23 February 1974 Saturday

Today was a long and enjoyable day. In the afternoon, the 41st Branch held its Snow Carnival and many from out BYU family went so I had to take my Pinto. Linda Prindle couldn’t attend because he had to have her voice lessons this afternoon for her singing class and couldn’t get out of it. She was really disappointed and so was I. She baked some sweet rolls and bread today and gave me some. They were delicious.

            The Snow Carnival started at noon at the Aspen Lodge up Provo Canyon past Sundance Ski Resort. The lodge is owned by the BYU Alumni. Mike Allred took Mardene Francis, Leila Olsen, and Dirk in his VW. I took Piper Ballou, Marta Gillings, Dixie Holmes, Marlene, and Denise Smith all crammed into the Pinto. Chris Burt came also but with Cindy Fordum. On the way up, Denise Smith and I talked about planning to go home to California over the Weekend of March 15th. It will be good to go home again even for a short visit.

            Marta sure was acting strange. Piper told me even before getting into the car that Marta was going to try and make me feel uncomfortable. I said she could try but it wouldn’t bother me any.

            It was a pretty day to be out in the snow and most of the time was spent sliding down a snow-covered hill on an inner tube. Tubing is fun but can be dangerous as that poor Dixie cracked some ribs when she bounced off a tree.

            After playing in the snow, we went inside the lodge and played board games. We played Clue then had some chili and hot chocolate. We were entertained by Dick Wilson telling corny jokes. Mardene and Denise did a silly skit and other members of the branch also entertained. All in all, it was an enjoyable afternoon. However, I guess while at the lodge, Marta and Michael had a run in with each other because she couldn’t get her way with him while flirting.

            Anyway, I was chilled to the bone, and it was good to get back to the apartment to take a hot shower. We were home by 4:45 and Linda called and said the show we were going to see, started at 5:10. I jumped into the shower, speedily changed clothes, picked Linda up at 5 and we just barely made it to the movie on time.

We went to the Weekend Movie playing at the Varsity Theater in the Wilkinson Center and saw “my Fair Lady.” It was a long movie but a good one and it even had a few Gospel principles in it.

Linda and I had a special time but when I took her home at 8 this evening, I came in and we talked until 10 tonight about things on my mind about our relationship. I told her how mixed up I was and how scared but sure of the relationship at the same time. I told her we have to build a firm foundation for our relationship before we can go any further and that foundation is friendship. Anything else would be false and unsatisfying in the end.

I have a long road before me and what destiny guides my feet, I know not; but I know Linda is special to me and I must do all in my power to keep it special and not ruin it by being too physical. I am just sorry I do not have the right to exercise my Priesthood for the benefit of this our relationship. But  all things are working towards the good for them who shall keep the commandments.

            I left Linda’s place at 10 so she could go to bed early for Church tomorrow. When I came home, I didn’t stay up much later myself before going to bed. Mike and I had our prayer together again. That is so special to me, I don’t think he realizes quite how it feels to pray with someone. I guess he has been used to it all his life and takes it for granted.

24 February 1974 Sunday

I was up at 8 this morning for Priesthood, It was extremely cold outside. I was planning on wearing my suit jacket but instead I wore my heavy overcoat, Mike and I went to pick up the Seville 27 girls but found they had already left except for Mardene Francis, who I could tell was waiting to walk with Michael. So, I took off on my own so they could walk alone, and I hurried along to Priesthood.

            Our High Council Representative, Bro. John Gardner presided over the meeting. It was announced that there would be two Firesides tonight. One for the sisters, which President Warner was the speaker, and another was a Missionary Fireside for the Elders wherein we were to write our testimonies to be placed in Books of Mormons to be handed out in the Mission Fields.

            I went to Rob Robison’s class and then at 10:30 I went to the Sunday School’s opening exercises. Karen Hunt, my family sister, is the Sunday School pianist now. I sat with Linda Prindle during the opening exercise and then attended the genealogy class. Lee Jensen taught us this time, mainly on how to fill out the name submission forms.

            Linda had a meeting right after Sunday School, so I walked back to Apartment 7 at the Hostel by myself and there I didn’t do much for the rest of the afternoon. I did fix some supper and ate by myself. Mike had to go to his brother’s Ward in Orem to babysit his nieces as his sister-in-law was coming home from the hospital today with the baby. They finally named him Laine David Allred.

            I went to pick up Elbert Peck from Deseret Towers at 3:30 because he always wanted to attend President C Terry Warner’s branch for Sacrament, so I invited him. Also, I wanted to set him up with Piper Ballou. Hee! Hee! They looked good together all 6 feet 2 inches of them. However, Elbert was put out with me when he realized my devious scheme.

            Right after Sacrament we had a Fireside at 6 this evening. At 9 the family came over to have our picture taken for the Branch’s Year Book. There wasn’t too much squabbling about it. I then took Linda  home afterwards and we talked some. She said that both Marta Gillings and Mike had told her to go talk to President Warner about me before getting serious with me.

Additional Material

An 18-year-old Clearfield job corpsman has been booked into the Davis County jail on a charge of sodomy officials reported today. Arrested at the center was Eddy L Mathews. An official of the job corps said the allege incident was reported by another corpsman.

25 February 1974 Monday

This morning, I spent most of the time going through my old letters and papers decided what to keep and what to throw away and putting them in order. I also packed all of Ken Lewis’ dishes and kitchen stuff away. I am just going to be using my things from now on.

            Mardene Francis had me draw a caricature likeness of her for her lesson tonight for Family Home Evening. I went shopping in the late morning and spent $9 on groceries and that’s without buy any meat. Eggs have gone down to 63 cents a dozen, but milk has gone up to 79 cents a half gallon.

            In the afternoon it just seemed to have slipped away without a whole lot getting accomplished. Mike spent most of the day studying for three mid-terms he has tomorrow. This evening not much happened, and the main high light was Family Home Evening. Mardene gave a lesson on how we tend to exclude people from our lives by judging them when we have no right to do so. Dirk Merrill and Dave Webster came to Family Home Evening for a change.

26 February 1974 Tuesday

I spent most of the afternoon at the J Reuben Clark Library doing my genealogy. I didn’t get through a whole lot of microfilms, but I did find a Green Williams in an 1830 Census of Barnwell County, South Carolina. I think he might be Wylie Green Williams Jr’s father. In the middle of doing research, Linda Prindle found me in the Microfilm room, and she was beaming but serious. So, I knew she had something on her mind, so we left the microfilm room and went to a more secluded part of the library. There she said she had gone and talked with President Warner about our relationship, and he evidently gave her encouragement to pursue it. President Warner said I was progressing. I hope I am.

            I took her home and let her get straight to bed as she said she had been up since 3 this morning worrying what President Warner might say. Linda is happy. So am I but I won’t be entirely happy until I feel completely worthy before the Lord which I don’t right now.

27 February 1974 Wednesday

This morning I slept in until 10 although I first woke up at 7:30 when Mike Allred was in the shower. Then at 8:30 Greg Earl was in the shower followed at 9:30 by Ken Lewis. When I did get up, I didn’t do much this afternoon except clean up the kitchen and my bedroom making the bed and picking up clothes. Then I went back up to the BYU Library to do some more genealogy research. I didn’t get back to Apartment 7 at the Hostel until 4 in the afternoon. I didn’t accomplish anything in the Library.

            At the apartment I watched Star Trek reruns on the tube until Mike came in. We had an airing out session where I expressed some of my grips about keeping the place cleaner. It didn’t solve anything, but I felt a lot better afterwards. Then Mike asked if I wanted to go jogging with him. Since Linda Prindle wasn’t going to be home all evening, I decided it would do me a lot of good.

            At 7, we went to the Smith Field House, changed into running shorts and jogged around the track a few times. I was beat let me tell you. It’s been about a month now since I’ve had time to jog. It was a nice crisp day to run, and I felt a lot better afterwards.

            Back at the apartment we continued to do some general exercises like sit ups, pushups, and leg lifts. It was almost time for family prayer by the time we were through, but it felt good though exercising with Mike. We walked over to the Seville 27.

            Cindy Meyers said she’s afraid to go out at night now because there was a rape the other night, so we are having Family Prayer at the Seville. Wait till summer comes and things get really crazy.

            Linda wasn’t at Family Prayer again tonight because she went to the Temple and then she had to attend a class concert. I didn’t stay long after Family Prayer but just came back home and got ready for bed.

            Mike and I prayed together, and he offered the prayer. I don’t know yet how I feel about the prospects of living by myself after Winter Term and this summer. Ken Lewis will be married, and Mike doesn’t want to live with me anymore. I sure am not looking forward to having to move in with strangers. I’d like to feel good about Mike’s decision to leave but I don’t.

28 February 1974 Thursday

It’s the last day of February and where has the time gone? It’s beyond me. It seems like I just got back from Christmas Vacation a couple of weeks ago not months. This morning  couldn’t get anyone to go with me to the LDS genealogical library in Salt Lake, so I went by myself. I left at 9:30 and was up there at 10:30. I’ve never been there before and it’s pretty impressive  taking up the entire west side ground floor wing of the new Church’s Office building on North Temple east of the Temple. I parked on Main Street in front of the Temple  but since the parking meter was only for 2 hours, I had to keep leaving what I was doing and go put more money in the meter so as I wouldn’t get a ticket.

            I didn’t get much accomplished just got acquainted with the library somewhat. I did find some marriage dates but that is about all. I found the wedding date of my 3rd great grandmother Eliza Dean to her first husband David Fox. She brought the Fenter family to Central Texas in about 1855 after the death of her second husband William Fenter.

            I was tired by 2:30 this afternoon and decided to leave and go tour Temple Square before leaving Salt Lake. The grandeur of the Salt Lake Temple is magnificent to behold. You almost feel the strength of Lord pulsate from within those gray granite block walls. I went through the Visitor Center and then through the Church Museum. It was a windy spring-like day and the crocuses have already begun to bloom.

            Linda and I want to come for April Conference so we can sustain Spencer W Kimball as Prophet, Seer, and Revelator of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

            I didn’t arrive back home from Salt Lake until 4:30 in the afternoon and then I went over to see Linda. She looked so tired and worn out. I went with her to the Harris Fine Arts Center to hear a music recital. It was a percussion ensemble recital. I enjoyed it but since Linda was getting worn out, we left before it was over.

            Mike Allred went running again this evening, but I didn’t have time to go with him. I need to get back into the swing of going to more concerts and plays that BYU offers to keep from stagnating.

 

MARCH

Having quit my job at Westward Café, I was solely depended on my savings which were meager at best. As that I was now freed up to be more involved in the drama of my Family Home Evening Group, I started to date Linda Prindle more. She was a good person, and I felt a responsibility for her, but I never was physically attracted to her or any girl for that matter, but I knew it was my responsibility to date the “sisters.” The only person I truly wanted to be intimate with was Michael Allred who was completely unattainable.

1 March 1974 Friday

Today was a beautiful spring-like day but very windy. For most of the morning I did my laundry up and painted anther poster painting for Linda Prindle. I really don’t recall what I did this day except that at 1 in the afternoon, Mardene Francis wanted me to take her up to BYU. She had really wanted Mike Allred to take her, but he wasn’t home. Mardene is going for an overnight campout up in the Canyon.

            At 6:30 I went to see over to the Seville to Linda Prindle who was outside playing with Leila Olsen. It was such a spring like day, so she and I decided to go for a bike ride. We pedaled over to some friends of hers to borrow a camera to take some pictures. It was dark when we returned home.

            She was going to the Weekend Movie with Barbara Smith so Mike, Leila, and I walked with her to the Joseph Smith Building where she met up with Barbara. So, Mike, Leila, and I went to the Smith Field House to run. Leila and Mike ran a mile, and I ran a mile and a half. It was 9:30 at night by the time we returned to our apartments.

            I didn’t really stay up past 10:30 because I was tired. Mike and I prayed together, and he offered it.

2 March 1974 Saturday

I went with the Elder’s Quorum to the Men’s Rest Home and met this old man named Black, who I talked with for a long time. I said I would come back and read to him something. It snowed the entire time I was at the Rest Home. It was beautiful before it turned to slush.

Additional Material

Seasons In The Sun by Terry Jacks remained the number 1 song until March 22nd.

3 March 1974 Sunday

This morning I was up at 7 after a very tiring night. I was struggling with what the Lord had told me in my fervent prayer I said before retiring, I for the first time since before January went to the Lord to ask for specific answers to some troubling questions. I had to know about two important relationships to me’ Linda Prindle and Mike Allred.

            I first asked whether I was good enough for Linda. I received the answer that for the time being we were to continue just as we are; that is as friends and build a solid foundation before proceeding.

            Because of the things I learned yesterday, I prayed whether Michael was my friend or not. The answer was startling and one I had not expected. In a firm decree the Lord said, “No!” Mike was not my friend. I was to honor him for his service to the Lord because of his mission to Argentina and respect him as Elder in Israel but as for being a friend, he was not.

            I was told under no circumstances was I to live with Mike after this semester for Mike in the state of mind he is in now is dangerous to me. I was so upset by this answer that I could hardly sleep all night long. It took me a long time to finally fall asleep.

            Morning came fast and I got up, jumped in the shower, and prepared for Priesthood that started at 8:30. I went over to Seville to pick the girls up to walk together to church at Farrer Junior High. Mardene Francis had already left earlier, and Leila Olsen and Cindy Meyers wanted a ride, so they rode with Mike. Barbara Smith and Linda walked with me. I told Linda how upset I was about yesterday and that I wanted to talk to President Warner sometime today.

            In Priesthood, Bro. John Gardner presided while Bro, Bill Mursett conducted the meeting. Both Dick Wilson and Tim Garbett were both excused. Tim had just gotten married on the 28th of February. After we were excused to classes, I went to President Warner and asked him if I could see him sometime today. He said yes because he had been wanting to see me anyway. Then I went to Rob Robison’s class, and he gave a lesson on serving one another.

            Right after Priesthood was Fast and Testimony Meeting. Bro. John Gardner again presided, and President Warner conducted he is meeting. He started off the meeting by giving counsel to the Branch Members. To the sisters he warned them that it was their responsibility to have a Spirit of Peacefulness and Friendship in their apartments. They were admonished to eat at least one meal together. The Brethren in the Branch were admonished again to start dating the sisters more. After this counsel, testimonies were given.

            I felt that Linda, who was sitting next to me was getting sick, so I made her leave before the meeting was over. I took her home to my apartment and made her lie down. She started to have a spell from fasting so much, so  I fixed her some dinner and made her eat some, but she still felt woozy all afternoon. She canceled her visiting teaching appointments and spent the afternoon with me laying on the couch.

            I found out from Dixie Holmes that her father had a stroke. I had seen the Holmes family when I was down in Page Arizona last November. I’ll have to send him a get-well card.

            About 4 in the afternoon Debbie Holbrook came over with Darwin Ross. It was so good to see the man again. He looked a lot huskier probably from all the drilling in the army. I so wanted to talk to Darwin and apologize to him for any conflicts last fall, but we didn’t have time. He had to catch a flight at 6 back to California where he’s stationed. We shook hands though and I got his address so I can write him.

            While Debbie was here, she asked Mike to take charge of Ken and Nancy’s engagement party instead of her because she said she hardly knows them. That made Mike mad because he really didn’t want the last-minute responsibility.

            I went back to Farrer Junior High to meet with President Warner at 5:30 and met with him until 6 this evening. I told him that he was the closest thing I have to a father in the Gospel, and I needed some advice and counsel about Mike Allred. President Warner said to obey the counsel of the Lord to not live with Mike this summer. He said I had received my answer to this question by coming before the Lord in prayer. President Warner said that Mike cannot be my friend and I am not to entertain any more thoughts about spending any more time together as such. President Warner said that Mike had some real problems, but they don’t concern me, and he said not to worry  about Kathy Ausderau or what she might say because she is a very immature girl.

            I was relieved after talking to President Warner, but it still wasn’t going to be easy not being with Michael. He said it wouldn’t be but that the Lord probably wants me to start over with new friends in a new environment.         I’ll miss Michael John Allred, but God calls me onward.

            I then asked how to maintain and develop my relationship with Linda Prindle in the way the Lord would have it. He said not to suffocate each other by being around each so much but to continue the relationship but date others too.

            President Warner also counseled me to begin seriously planning a career or I might lose everything I might want. He also said that I was making some real progress and that he’s now leaning towards not having a court. He said my disposition and attitude are sweeter and more content. That made me feel better.

            After my interview, I went back to Seville 27 to pick Linda up for the Fireside. Since no one had asked Barbara along , Linda and I did. The Fireside was sponsored by the Fifth Stake and Elder Harman Rector was to speak but he was detained so Bro. Truman Madsen was called upon to address us. He gave a talk on the LDS concept of God Our Father and that it was our duty to declare to the world the restored keys of that knowledge. Elder Rector came in at the middle of Bro Madsen’s talk and after he was finished, Elder Rector gave a short talk about Missionary Service. He said he was late because of his plane was delayed.

            After the fireside, I took Linda home so she could get some needed rest, but Barb Smith and I went to the 303 House for strawberry Shortcake. The house had invited the entire family over. Chris Burt and I had a serious talk about some of the relationships of people in the family. She wanted to know how serious I was about Linda. I said very.

4 March 1974 Monday

I went back down to the rest home on my own at 4 this afternoon to visit with Bro. Roland Black as I promised I would. He’s an 83-year-old invalid that I met last Saturday for a Welfare Project and I had promised to come back and read to him. I’m going to try and visit him each Monday and read to him. Right now, I am reading The Fellowship of the Ring to him. I read the introduction and first chapter today. The rest home is so pathetic a place for an old man to wait and die. I’m going to have to bring some joy to this old man. He is my brother.

            I was back at the apartment at 6 this evening and fixed a little something to eat. I could tell that Mike Allred was on edge about something, but I let it pass and did not inquire and tried to keep the proper spirit about me.

I went to the Smith Field House by myself and at 6:30 and ran about a mile. I didn’t leave until 7:30 when I got back to the apartment just in time for Family Home Evening. Mike was in charge, and he played his Paul H Dunn tape “Catch the Vision”  that Elder Dunn had given at a BYU Devotional a while back. His talk was on “Remembering Who We Are” and that we were born to succeed. He admonished us to be enthusiastic and think big.

            Family Home evening lasted about an hour and afterwards, Piper Holmes stayed and wanted to talk. A funny thing after Family Home evening, Piper comes up to me and says, “Ben I never realized how handsome you are.” There went my ego. I try to ne humble I really do ha! I guess she just looked at me as a big brother before.

She then asked what was wrong with Mike and I told her I did not know. After that I walked her home, and she told me all the problems they were having over at the 303 House. I guess only Dixie Holmes and she eat together now. After taking her home I didn’t go right back to the apartment but rather walked around the neighborhood to get away from Mike and to clear my head and think where I want to live after this term is over.

When I did return, Mike had just returned from jogging and he and Ken Lewis were in my room talking. As soon as I came in the room, Mike wouldn’t talk anymore, and it was just Ken and me visiting. Ken is sometimes clueless about what’s going on in the apartment.

I told Ken about my decision to stay at the Hostel over Spring and Summer Terms because the other apartments I looked at were real dumps and if I stay at the Hostel at least I know what I have here. I did say I am moving from Apartment 10 however didn’t say why, because I wouldn’t be able to bear staying in the same apartment without Mike. Besides Ken and Nancy Shelley will be living here in the married couples section so it won’t be so much like being a lone when everyone leaves after Winter Term is over. As Ken and I continued to converse I could sense Mike drift more and more off into melancholy.

At 10:30 tonight after Ken went to answer the phone, I closed the bedroom door and tried to talk to Michael. He was really low in spirits. I guess he found out about me going to see President Warner yesterday. I told him that I felt like I had to and felt confident in the Lord’s reply to me about moving forward. Mike said it was the last blow. I could not make any sense out of what he was saying or what he was concealing from me. I gathered more than anything that he is extremely confused and doesn’t know what to think about our friendship. I advised him that he should go to President Warner himself.

Anyway, I finally found out what was the black ugly poison that was always a barrier between us. Because of what Kathy Ausderau had told him, Mike had believed that I had given myself over to Satan in order to destroy Mike or cause him great mischief. Kathy had been edging him on in this certainty  so much that his sanity had been shaken.

I was disappointed of course that he thought this of me the entire time, but the Lord has already told me where my duty lies, and I must go forward without Mike in my life. The Lord will take care of Mike. I cannot, for the Lord knows his needs while I cannot. It’s a sad ending for such a promising friendship.

Maybe once we go our separate ways, the bitterness Mike feels for me will subside. It has for me already, I hope. But as long as I have Apartment 7 as a visible reminder to this sorrowful year, I think it will be hard for both Mike and I until our lease is up. The Lord is all wide and his mercy is beyond our comprehension.

Additional Material

Roland Millard Black was born 27 January 1892 in Deseret, Millard, Utah. He was the youngest son of Joseph Smith Black a polygamist who had four wives and a total of 38 children. His mother was the 4th wife and she died when Roland was 4 years old. He served  as a Private in the Army in World War II. He was married and had 8 children. He died 31 Aug 1976 at the aged of 84 in Salt Lake City and is buried in the Hinckley City Cemetery in Millard County.

5 March 1974 Tuesday

This morning after saying my prayers, I went to the Hostel’s manager’s office to speak to Janae Earl. I asked if I could move to Apartment 8 after this term. I specifically wanted that apartment because it has more storage space, the sinks in the bathroom are further from the shower, and the kitchen has a back door. They only downside about the apartment is that it is upstairs and has no air conditioning so it will be hot in the summer. When I go home to Garden Grove in another week, I’ll see if Mom will let me bring a fan back with me to Utah. Janae said she would let me be the first one into the apartment so I could set up my things before anyone else.

            Then in the afternoon I went over to see Linda Prindle. She said she had a rough day because of the teacher she is student teaching with a Mrs. Williams was very demanding of her.

Carol Starr, my other family sister, said she got a job working at Wymont Terrace. She needed to pick up some job forms there, so she walked with Linda and me up to Campus. We walked over to the David O McKay Building, and I could sense something was wrong, but Linda left to go to class before I could find out what it was. I did find out later that it was simply that she was having a rough day with her student teaching.

            I never really visited with Carol before or anything, so I took the opportunity to get to know her better by walking up with her over to Wymount Terrace. We had a good talk about the keeping out of the drama at Seville 27 and I think I grew a little closer to her because she is so sensible.

            In the evening I didn’t do anything but watch some TV. At 9 at night, it was time for the 41st Branch MIA’s Vaudeville Show. Since Mardene Francis was in it, I wanted to go, and I went with Piper Ballou who complained the whole time that I had dragged her to it but once there I think she really did enjoy it. Mardene sang “ She’s Only a Bird in a Gilded Cage”  The show only lasted until 9:30 and afterwards I walked Piper home, then came back home to Apartment 7. I read a little and said my prayers before going to bed at 11.

            There’s no real communication between Mike Allred and I anymore, but then I wonder if there really ever was any. The only thing the Lord said I should do with Mike anymore is pray but Mike won’t allow that even, so we are at an impasse and a stand still.

6  March 1974 Wednesday

I had Linda Prindle over for lunch to feed her a hot meal. She’s feeling a lot better than she had been. I drove her up to her 2 o’clock class and they came back to Apartment 7. I had been up since 7 this morning so I could go up to the administration building to see about my transcripts but once there I realized that I left my money, to pay for them, at home. I was so upset with myself.

            After that I didn’t do much this day but clean the apartment and do some laundry. I ran a mile tonight and sat in the hot sauna which felt great.

Additional Memoirs

Whenever I was feeling extremely horny, I would run in the field house and then sit in the sauna with the naked men. BYU’s men’s locker room was a strange place as that many of those changing clothes were Returned Missionaries who wore the one-piece garment of the time. These one-piece undergarments came in three different materials, cotton, polyester, and Bemberg. The cotton garments were heavier and were very baggy. The Polyester garments were long lasting and light weight but didn’t let the body breathe so kept moister next to the body. More often than not the ones most were cotton “Bemberg” blend garment which was cooler and kept its shape better. The down side was that since they were made from fibers from the lint around cotton seeds the fabric wore out faster in places where they rubbed against the outer clothing.

            Garments were worn as a reminder of covenants made in the Temple at the time a person received their endowments. All missionaries received their endowments before going out into the mission fields. All my roommates at the Hostel were Returned Missionaries so I was well acquainted with garments and the Masonic markings over the nipples, the navel, and the right knee. Since the garments were one piece to accommodate going to toilet, the front had an opening for the penis and the back had a vertical flap opening to accommodate sitting down.

            Garments were knee length and there for anyone wearing shorts had to wear them at that length. Another feature of the garment was the wide collar due to the fact that was how you stepped into them. This missionary ring was obvious when wearing a white shirt. I saw many a time that BYU coeds would often sit next to a boy with their hand on the fellow’s right knee. That was a way to determine a man’s status and whether he was marriage eligible. As that I was a Deacon for most of my BYU experience I was deemed as either unworthy or 2nd class at best.

Garments were to be worn at all time as Mormons believed they were imbued with a magical power of protection. I heard stories were when bathing, some Mormons would sponge bathe keeping at least one foot in the garment. I heard many faith promoting stories of people being shot or on fire whose garment had protected them from serious harm. One of the most silly of these “faith promoting stories” that I heard while at BYU was about a sailor who fell into shark infested waters. He had all his limbs eaten, up to the garment line. If that was all there was too the story maybe it wouldn’t have made me laugh but then they went on to say the shark ate the fellows head and all that was found was his garment shrouded torso. I remember making the story teller mad as I said maybe it should have pulled the garment over his head.

            Actually, as a young Gay man, garments became a type of fetish to me as in the locker room it was erotic watching these Elders step out of their garments or climb into them. Because so many of the kids were so poor, they wore these garments until they were so thin, they were virtually see through, and many of them had worn them until they were almost falling apart with holes in them exposing young flesh. I have to say that since most of the Return Missionaries were 21 years old or a bit older, they were strapping young men of mostly Northern European Extraction.

            This is why I sat in the sauna a lot as a frustrated repressed homosexual. However, it was more like a starving person staring at a pastry shop but forbidden to taste anything.

7 March 1974 Thursday

            It was a great day today. I went back to the administration building and paid 25 cents for a copy of my transcripts. From there they sent me to the Karl G. Maeser Building to find my academic advisor. However, the people there told me to go to the Faculty Office Building. So, I trekked over there and finally Bro. Osborne helped me a lot. He said that I was just lacking 9 units and a Junior Proficiency Test to graduate. Also, I have to take a History 270 class on Issues in American History for my major. He said to go see the Dean of the History Department to get a waiver for a History 100 Class on the “Study of History”. I will do that tomorrow. I sure felt great about finally being able to graduate from college in August. Mom and Dad will be so pleased that I am not a perpetual student.

            When I came home from BYU, I had a bite to eat  and then called Piper Ballou up to see if she wanted to come over and watch The Waltons with me. She did and brought a friend along with her. I went running at 8 this evening and sat in the sauna then came back in time for Family Prayer at the 303 House. Mike Allred wasn’t here because his parents came down from Afton and he’s spending time with them.

            I walked Linda Prindle home to Seville 27 and stayed talking with Mardene Francis. She is really discouraged and frustrated over Mike Allred everything. I hope I made her feel a little better by talking it out. She is so worried about what lies in the future after this school year ends. So am I.

8 March 1974 Friday

I spent most of my day up at the McKay Building getting a teacher’s clearance and seeing about the I-Step Program to get a teaching certificate. I need to take English 321 the Study of English Grammar  and 377 Secondary Teaching Procedures for my English minor before I can get into the program.

Mike Allred’s whole attitude has really changed for the better. He has such a sweet disposition again that encompasses his whole being. I guess doing the Lord’s will is more beneficial then we sometimes realize.

I spent the evening with Linda Prindle. I don’t know whether we will make it to the Genealogical Society’s library in Salt Lake tomorrow or not. Linda has the opportunity of making the Sacrament Bread for this coming Sunday, so she is excited about that.

At 8:30, Michael, Leila Olsen, Linda, and I went up to the Smith Field House to run. I ran a mile again. They walked home together while I said I wanted to soak out a cold in the sauna.

I was supposed to have gone to bed early tonight to get up at 6 tomorrow morning to go up on campus to take the Junior Proficiency Test, but I stayed up and watched “Goodbye Charlie” with Michael. I didn’t get to bed until 2 in the morning and I was so exhausted.

I really feel as if the Lord is directing my life now. So many things are working out for my good. I can’t hardly believe I will be graduating in August. Well, I better not count my chickens yet. I don’t have any idea how I will fiancé things.

These are such exciting times we are living in. Everything is in such a state of flux. Energy shortages, food shortages. The world is coming to an end around our very heads, There’s not such a shortage here in Provo of gasoline but I wonder for how long? President Nixon is in trouble again concerning the Watergate tapes.

Additional Memoirs

Competition among the sisters about who made the best bread for Sacrament and whether it should be enriched white flour, whole wheat, or stone ground was crazy. Bread making was a mating ritual at BYU. Eventually the LDS Church put an end to homemade bread for the Sacrament and it was decided that only commercial white bread could be used.

“Goodbye Charlie” was a Vincent Minnelli movie where a playboy writer is shot by an angry husband and comes back as a blonde played by Debbie Reynolds. His buddy was played by Tony Curtis.

9 March 1974 Saturday

Today was a good day, in the fact that Mike Allred and I were able to show some real brotherhood. This morning I was just absolutely too tired to get up at 6 to take the Junior Proficiency Test so I will have to take it in May when it is offered again. When I did get up it was a beautiful spring-like day. Mike and I ate breakfast and then I went over to see Linda Prindle.

We aren’t going to be able to make it up to Salt Lake’s Genealogical library today because of a lot of complications. However, Mike and I did go to the BYU genealogical section of the J Reuben Clark Library where I showed him how to operate the Microfilm readers.

Before that though, I had gone to the Genealogical Center section of the Bookstore with Mike and bought some more Pedigree Charts and family group sheets. I also bought finally a hardbound “Book of Remembrance binder with the Salt Lake Temple embossed in gold lettering. I had wanted the Manti Temple one but couldn’t get it in the brown leather color I wanted.

            In the Microfilm room I continued doing some research for Mike even though he left at 3 in the afternoon. I didn’t leave until 8 in the evening. I found some historical information for him about certain members of his line but most of his family tree has already been researched. He’s related to the Kings of England in the Middle Ages.

            When I returned home, nobody was there, however Mardene Francis and Mike came in shortly after I did.

Mike and Mardene sure are getting friendly again. I am so glad. I really think Mardene can do a lot of good for Mike. I hope things will work out for them so they can get married. I know Mardene has been ready since she first met Mike but it’s Mike who needs the time to get things straightened out in his life.

You know it’s strange how you can live with someone like Mike for 9 months and still be strangers. I don’t sat this negatively just as a true fact.

Additional Material

Epidermis Epidemic Spreads-Two men were arrested at 9:50 pm Friday after attempting to race across Temple Square. Charged by Salt Lake City Police with disorderly conduct were Douglas Wayne Olsen and Gregory Bruce Waters, both Salt Lake City streakers. At Brigham Young University, three freshmen were arraigned in Provo City Court on a charge of lewdness. Charged were Richard Romney West, Allyn Pierce, and Randall Hardy Pike. Logan Police Chief Max Jones said of the Utah State University streaking injury, “This is getting out of hand.” Streakers were also reported in Granger and Salt Lake City as well as an unclad skier in Park City. Streaking is what psychologists call a ‘behavior contagion’-something that catches on for a little while. Donald M Thomas, Salt Lake City Superintendent of schools said, “it’s a little like the flu that infects us for a little while then goes away.” Thomas comments came as five student streakers raced through the halls of South High School. Deseret News

10 March 1974 Sunday

Mike Allred and I were up early this morning to go over to Seville 27 for a pre-Church Continental Breakfast that the sisters made. Linda baked some cinnamon rolls and Mike, and I brought Orange Juice. Afterwards, Mike and Mardene left to go pick up Rita Wolcott to attend Church with us again. Linda and I walked but didn’t know whether Linda was all right or not.

Priesthood began at 9:15 and when we divided up into classes I went to Fred Olinik’s class this time, along with Mike. Ken Lewis and Greg Earl were also in the class. Fred gave a lesson on time management.

            After Priesthood, I went to Sunday School’s opening exercises, but Linda wasn’t there. I heard she wasn’t well, so I didn’t attend Sunday School classes but rather went over to see Linda at Seville 27 to see if she was well. She said she was okay just needed to rest. She wasn’t fooling me because as the day progressed the worse, she looked.

            When Mike came over to Seville 27 after church, he took some pictures of the girls and so did I. That is when I knew how sick Linda was when she could hardly stand. I made her stay home instead of going to Sacrament and just go to bed.

            Mike and I went over to the 303 House to take some pictures of the girls who live there, and we visited with Chris Burt mainly because the rest were feuding.

            Sacrament began at 4 this afternoon and Stake President Robert Daines presided and gave a sermon on repentance and forgiveness. It was somewhat of a farewell talk as he will be leaving in about a month to work in Connecticut.

            After church, I had a home teaching visit. Chuck Swan took me over to his place where we listened to a tape cassette of a Devotional in which Harmon Rector spoke on the nature of Bishop Courts. I didn’t spend any more time with Linda this night so that she could get some needed sleep.

11 March 1974 Monday

I spent the whole day pretty busy. I decided to borrow a saw and cut the board to my cinder block book case down to a decent size. The wooden planks have been over 10 feet long. After that I decided I might as well change the whole set up in the front room around.     It was a warm spring-like day and a good day to do all these ends and odd jobs. The front room looks better now.

            After that, since Mike Allred had delegated me to make some cookies for family Home Evening tonight, that took up a good portion of the afternoon right there. I walked down to the Storehouse Market for some chocolate chips, and I met Linda Prindle coming from Seville. I walked her up to the ramp to BYU at 800 North, and then I went down 700 North to the Storehouse Market. I just got done baking the cookies when Greg Earl, Ken Lewis and Mike came home. We watched Star Trek on TV which is almost a daily ritual.

            After that I went to the rest home to read to Bro. Black, but he had me choose another book because he wasn’t interested in what I was reading. I think he just likes to visit.

            For Family Home Evening we were all supposed to meet at the Grant Building where Marta Gillings works to see some nature flicks. Dave Webster drove up and Linda and I went with him. I didn’t particularly enjoy the film since it was mostly about trophy hunting which I don’t like, and afterwards Marta Gillings took us up to the top floor of the building to show us the stuffed animal collection that is housed there. It was rather bizarre to say the least. Afterwards in the parking lot Dirk Merrill suggested that we push Marta’s car to the other side of the parking lot as a prank, but we got caught.

            Mike had to leave at 8:30 for some reason so I made sure Mardene got home all right and did not have walk after dark. It was a warm nice night. I didn’t stay over at Linda’s very long so she could get her rest.

Additional Material

City Court Judge Patrick E McGuire says streaking fad- running around briefly in the buff- could have serious consequences, an arrest record for those nabbed in the nude. McGuire recently heard the arraignment of three Brigham Young University students arrested for streaking through university housing. “The media has failed to tell the other side. These young men are charged under a deviate sex-crime ordinance- lewdness and that kind of record is very bad,” he said. The three were given until March 18 to plead to the charge of indecent exposure, a misdemeanor. Deseret News

11-13 March 1974

No Entries

14 March 1974 Thursday

I didn’t get up until 10 because I knew it would be Friday morning before I’d get anymore sleep again. I went to the back and withdrew $35 which leaves me only $250 left in the Deseret Savings and Loans. I have to find work again as soon as I return.

            I spent the morning and afternoon pacing and going to the store. I paid my phone bill which was $10 alone. I went to see Linda Prindle at 12:30 this afternoon to tell her how much I will miss her. At 3, just as I was getting ready to leave, Cindy Meyers called and asked if I had room for one more passenger. Denise Smith and I were to leave at 4 so I was a little put out by Cindy’s constant last-minute arrangements. I told her I’d have to talk to Denise and Piper Ballou but as it was, with all the bags, there was no more room.

            I went and picked Denise up at 4 and then Piper. We were on our way by 4:15. We stopped just outside of Provo to say a blessing for our safe journey to California, then we proceeded on. I drove into Nephi, then Piper drove from there to Cedar City. We stopped in Parowan to get gas. It was 59 cents a gallon and cost $4.20 to fill up. At Parowan I took over driving again and drove the rest of the way down to St. George. We reached the town at 10 at night and there we let Piper off. She was staying with Richard Holmes’ Uncle.

            From there on out,  it was just Denise and I for the rest of the trip home. Now that the new highway is opened between St. George and Mesquite it doesn’t take any time getting to Mesquite now.

            Denise wanted to know how things were between Linda and I. Linda is Denise’s Visiting Teacher and I guess has confided in Denise before about our relationship. I told her about the opposition we had been getting and the trouble we had being going through because of family members. Denise said she is really disgusted with the girls at Seville when Linda told her how they said that I was no good for Linda because I wasn’t an Elder but just a Deacon. Denise said that was pretty low of them.

15 March 1974 Friday

We drove into Las Vegas around midnight although it was only 11 Nevada time. We stopped for gas there and the price there was 53 and 3/10 cents per gallon. The car used 2 and 8/10 gallons since we filled up in Mesquite. We put in $1.50 to top off the tank. Las Vegas was not all lit up at all, just the Marquees but none of the big sign. I guess the energy crunch has finally  reached here too.

             We continued driving through Las Vegas into Baker California. We reached Baker at 3 in the morning, and we gassed up again. We just used 4 and 3/10 gallons. Gas was 59 cents and we paid $2.57 for it. We continued on our way, but I had Denise Smith drive from Baker to Yerbo,  where the inspection station is, so I could rest my eyes. From there I drove the remainder of the way in. We hit heavy thick fog at Corona, but it cleared up before we reached the Newport Freeway.

            I took Denise home first then got home to Dale Street at 5:30. The front door was locked so I had to wake Dad up for me to come inside the house. I was so tired I just hugged Mom and Dad and then went to the bedroom and fell asleep.

            I slept in until 9:30 in the morning California time. I thought it was much later. Donna had to go to work at the Funky Taco, so I didn’t get to see much of her. Dad went to the doctor’s to see if he could get clearance to go back to work. He couldn’t, so I guess Dad will find out today whether he still has a job or not. He will probably have to start all over again someplace else. If you have to you have to.

 Mom told me how she and Dad have been having the Missionaries discussions, and I was so excited to hear that. They have had two so far. Each has been on a Monday Night. I hope it will sink into my parent’s hearts. Mom has begun to accept Joseph Smith’s prophetic calling. Mom and Dad have read the Book of Mormon in parts though not yet clear through. They seem to like the Elders but who knows what is in store.

Mom says she is praying again which is absolutely terrific. Mom though, is hung up on the women remaining silent in the Church. I hope the Elders will clarify it for her. She did tell me that if she does join the Church, no one would find out. That is the basic atmosphere I’ve had to contend with since I joined. Like it is something to be ashamed of, but once they gain a testimony of the Gospel, they will change I am sure,

            I went down to the motor vehicle department to renew my Driver’s License. It cost $3.25 and I missed 3 questions on the written test. Afterwards I went to see Brother and Sister Larsen. They said that this Sunday there will be a Stake Conference. I will have to ask Mom and Dad if they’d like to come.

            In the afternoon Grandma and Grandpa Williams came over with my Aunt Bonnie Fagen. They stayed way into the evening. I guess my uncle Bill is working a swing shift and of course Larry is living away from home now with his wife and baby. His baby’s name is Aaron Paul not Erin as I thought. Grandma and I spent a good part of the evening talking about genealogy. They ate supper with us, and we had chicken fried steak. It sure seems strange to be home. Kind of like I never left and kind of like I don’t belong here anymore.

            My sister Charline Wachs and the kids were over this morning, and I took James and Denise bike riding. James was being whinny today but Denise sure is sweet. She is a smarty that’s for sure. She will be smarter than all of us. Probably won’t see them again this weekend before I head back,

16 March 1974 Saturday

I woke up at 9 this morning and the just got up to help Mom and Dad clean the house some. Donna had the day off, so she was around the house a lot and we got to visit some. We spent most of the morning talking about what is going on in our lives. In the afternoon, Grandma and Grandpa Williams came over again and spent the day playing dominoes with Mom and Dad.

            I went across the street over to see Tom and Jean Horan and mainly talked to Jean. She broke her leg skiing up at Big Bear but other than that she was well. I probably won’t see her again for a long time. She’s been like a second mother to me all my life.

            I also managed to get a hold of my boyhood friend Jerry Smith and it was so good to see him again although our paths have diverged completely. He’s still going with his girlfriend Linda. I guess his Dad isn’t going to move from Poes Street after all this year. Jerry sure hasn’t changed any but I sure have a lot, I can tell.

            When I came back to the house, Mom was fixing dinner and she made burritos. Later in the evening my Aunt and Uncle Bonnie and Bill Fagen came over, but everybody left by 8:30.

17 March 1974 Sunday

I was up this morning at 8 to get ready for church. I had some waffles for breakfast for the first time in a very long time. Dad also gave me a pair of Gray slacks which were nice.

            The Garden Grove Stake Conference began at 10 and it was held at the Stafford Chapel. It sure was packed . There were some really good talks on Repentance, Bishop Courts, and the family as an eternal unit.

Conference lasted until noon and when I came home Mom had fixed a ham dinner. It sure was good and I almost had forgotten what it tasted like. I just visited with Mom and Dad before going back to church for Sacrament Service at 2:30.

Bishop Juchau presided and conducted the meeting. We had some good talks on faith. I met Elder Phillips who is giving the Missionary Lessons to Mom and Dad, along with his companion; but I didn’t meet him. Elder Phillips is from Seattle, Washington and he said that Dad seems to be progressing better than Mom though he said that he had people just like Mom and Dad join the church, so I am keeping my fingers crossed. I so want my parents in the Gospel probably more than anything else. Elder Phillips seemed like a really good man. Maybe he can do it with the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost/

            After Sacrament I came home and talked some more to Mom and Dad and had a bite more to eat. Dad wanted me to go up to Corona with them to see Charline’s new house which we did and it’s really nice. I hope they can hang on to it.

On the way back to Garden Grove we stopped by my Uncle and Aunt,  Milton and Marie Williams in Walnut. We didn’t spend a whole lot of time there because Mom and Marie are estranged now. Mom is upset with Milton and Marie for never going up to Yucaipa to visit Grandma and Grandpa but seem to have plenty of time for everything else. They’re almost turning into alcoholics. It is really sad. Since Dad has given up drinking, he clearly sees the bad effects of it.

I guess Dad is now completely out of a job now. He hasn’t been happy at H & L Distributers for a long time but as long as Tom Horan was there, he wouldn’t quit. I see the hand of the Lord in all of this. My parents are being prepared to accept the Gospel, I am certain. Mom and Dad are pretty content with what is happening with Dad’s situation and are not worried themselves. They will just have to take it one day at a time.

18 March 1974 Monday

I arrived home  from California and there was no car trouble and gas was plentiful just expensive. I drove all the way back to Utah picking up Piper Ballou in St. George. She was quiet all the way to Provo. I presumed she was tired. We got in about 9 at night and Mike Allred was in the front room talking with some guy. It turned out to be Mardene Francis younger brother Lauren Francis. He goes to Utah State in Logan and was on Spring break, so he came down to visit his sisters. He asked if he could crash with us and sleep on the couch and we said sure. I didn’t say yea or nay to Mike but just went straight to bed worn out from the drive. I was pooped. Because I drove 14 and ½ hours

Additional Material

Oil embargo crisis: Most OPEC nations ended a 5-month oil embargo against the United States, Europe, and Japan.

19 March 1974 Tuesday

Mike Allred woke me up early this morning to talk to me before going off to class. He told me about his trip home to Afton, Wyoming and asked how my trip went. He also said that Linda Prindle and Mardene Francis spent the night here last Friday at the Hostel while we were gone. No one was here because Ken Lewis was down in Mapleton and Greg Earl  was in Las Vegas. They said they were locked out of their apartment at the Seville and Linda said she had to get some rest, so those women came here and slept in our beds. Linda was in my bed and Mardene was in Mike’s. I was not mad about it just surprised. I thought it rather funny actually. Mike had a twinkle in his eye too telling me that Mardene had slept in his bed.

20 March 1974 Wednesday

I went to the Salt Lake Genealogical Library and spent all day searching records there for my family tree. The last hour was very productive and fruitful otherwise I would have thought the time wasted. I pushed the link back one more generation on the Williams line from me to Dad, Grandpa, great grandpa Edd Williams to his father George Kearse Williams to his father William Green Williams, to his father Wilson Williams to his parents Britton and Elizabeth Williams.

I found a will of Elizabeth Williams, Britton’s widow who left property to Wilson Williams and named him as her son. I also found a will of William Green Williams’ father-in-law William Kearse naming all his children. It was a very productive day.

Today is Mom and Dad’s 28th wedding anniversary. They were married in Olton, Texas after Dad got out of the Navy.

21 March 1974 Thursday

Linda Prindle and I have been seeing way too much of each other lately, I fear. Our relationship is getting to physical. We went to the show at the Varsity Theater and saw Romero and Juliette . It was better than the first time I saw it in May 1969 with John Cunningham.

Additional Memoirs and Material

I was trying to convince myself that being with Linda was better than time spent with John which was a lie.

Cross-dressing actor Candy Darling who was in a lot of Andy Warhol movies died at age 26 of pneumonia and cancer.

22 March 1974 Friday

I spent much of the week recuperating from that long trip home last week but today was a fun day. Linda Prindle, Leila Olsen, Dixie Holmes, and I went to the Smith’s Field House to run our laps. When we came home, we went swimming at the Seville’s pool with Mardene Francis and Mike Allred. Afterwards we played board games, ate popcorn, and watched TV. Lauren Francis left today to head back to Logan.

23 March 1974 Saturday

I needed to run today. I needed to get out of the apartment, so I went to the Smithfield House and then to the Sauna. I have so much to think about.

Additional Material

Dark Lady by Cher is the number 1 song and will remain for a week.

24 March 1974 Sunday

I attended all my Church meetings today. During Priesthood, President Warner called me out to interview  me for being advanced in the Priesthood but we both thought it would be better if we wait a little longer. It hasn’t even been a year yet. It is so hard to wait when we live day to day.

            In Sunday School Linda Prindle and I went home because it was Fast and Testimony Meeting and because she had been fasting, she wasn’t feeling well. I took her home so she could rest.

Later in the evening after Linda had eaten something and regained her strength, we went to the 10 Stake Fireside to hear Elder Brockbank speak. He will be the speaker at our Stake Conference next Sunday.

Additional Material

Today is Robert William (Bill) Hall’s 20th birthday. He was still on his mission to North Carolina. He was my infatuation when I first came to BYU in 1973.

 

25 March 1974 Monday

Tonight, was Family Home Evening and Dirk Merrill gave the lesson on loving each other. It was a timely message for sure.

26 March 1974 Tuesday

Mike Allred got a job today working three days a week at the Riverside County Club as a janitor from 1 in the morning until 5. The hours are really atrocious. I found out that Piper Ballou had a nervous breakdown and is now in the LDS Utah Valley Hospital. I went to see her, and she looked all right. Thank the Lord. I so understand as I had one last fall.

27  March 1974 Wednesday

I went back to the Salt Lake Genealogical  Library but did not find one thing that was useful. I’m really stumped now at last.

28 March 1973

No Entry

29 March 1974 Friday

Mike Allred and I were wrestling in the front room when my lip was cut open. It made me appear to have a fat lip.

We went to see Saturday Warrior at the Pardoe Theater in the Harris Fine Arts Building this evening. Linda Prindle wouldn’t go with us, so I took Dixie Holmes in her place as I had already bought the tickets. I really loved the play. It was so spiritual and the music fantastic. I wish they would make a soundtrack of the music from it because I would buy it.

Additional Material

Saturday's Warrior is a religious-themed musical written by Douglas Stewart and Lex de Azevedo about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The musical tells the story of a group of children that are born into a Latter-day Saint family after making various promises in the premortal life.

30 March  1974 Saturday

I have spent the last three days compiling my genealogy to see what I actually have in my notes and what I don’t.

Today eight of our BYU family went to Salt Lake City for the day. Mike Allred and I both took our cars. Linda Prindle had been acting funny all week. I have a sinking feeling she wants to break up with me. I don’t understand much of what is going on. All day in Salt Lake she was hot and cold hot and cold towards me. Sweet one time then indifferent to me the next. I got to the point it was really bothering me but then I haven’t been in a good mood all week.

            We went on a tour of Temple Square for most of our time in Salt Lake. We decided not to go to the Zoo because it cost a $1 to get in so instead, we went through the Beehive House which was free and was fun. They gave out this hard candy the pioneer had at the end of the tour called Horehound. I liked it but most people were spitting it out. Ha!

            We were all pretty tired from our adventures by the time we came home to Provo. I was in bad mood because of Linda but Mike convinced me to go over to Seville 27 to change my mood. We went swimming and played some board games.

Additional Material

Sunshine On My Shoulders by John Denver is the number one song until  April 5.

31 March 1974 Sunday

Today was Stake Conference but I didn’t go to it. I only went to Sacrament. Linda Prindle went and talked to President Warner today. We heard that Piper Ballou had moved to Heritage Hall, an all-girl dorm, because he couldn’t deal with all the drama and gossiping at the 303 House any longer.

            I called my Grandma Williams to wish her a happy birthday. She is 72 years old today and was born in Stonewall County, Texas.