Spring 2nd Quarter Journal 2024 April-June

 

APRIL

1 April 2024 Monday

Such a heartache day. I wish it was only an April Fool’s joke. I had a disturbed sleep due to the inflammation in my jaw below the ear that was so painful it kept me up. So, I decided I better go to urgency care to have it looked at. Consequently, I went to the Redwood Clinic and I didn’t have to wait too long to have a practitioner come in to examine me and prescribe me some antibiotics.

Since I was out that way, I went to Papis to pick up the wet towels but I didn’t see Luis and there wasn’t any wet towels to take with me. Therefore, I went to Smiths to pick up my prescription and I was home in time to bring Johanna to Bewilder where it was only she and Maria today. I wasn’t feeling all that keen, and after ordering meat from the main Street market and bratwurst which will be ready Wednesday I went on home to rest.

 I went back to bed when Adrian woke me around 3 in the afternoon saying Milagros and Luisana was here to talk to me. I immediately was concerned that it was about their pay and it was. Evidently there’s been insufficient funds and they hadn’t been able to cash their checks and I think they thought I could talk to Kyle and find out what was going on.

Kyle must be in a very bad spot because he was belligerent, saying the family owed him money for all that he lent them and he was being so unreasonable saying he wanted to fire all of them so I just calmly let him vent. The dark side of Kyle’s personality was talking.

            I told the girls that there was little I could do but wait for Kyle to sort this out, which he said he would so they left and I was stressed to the max not knowing what is going on with Kyle or the businesses and wondering who is being paid and who isn’t.  I am so afraid that it is all falling apart.

I redid my death transfer of deed to Adrian as the main beneficiary which I will notarize tomorrow and record. I wanted to make sure Adrian has a home. I also finally sat down and did my taxes and will get money back from the feds but owe Utah $641. That was also depressing.

            I went to bed thinking I am really tired of life right now in a world that I don’t feel like I belong anymore. I am tired of the struggle which in the end will not matter. I am really considering that it’s time to let it go.  I know I will have to take the pups with me and not leave them behind for I fear they would grieve too much and not be cared for as much I have over the years.

It’s comforting to know at the end of the day you made a small difference ... I often now think of all those who have moved on and that their cares are over. Bill Poore was lucky he just went to sleep ...“To die, to sleep – to sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there's the rub, for in this sleep of death what dreams may come…”

I will turn 73 on April 10^th. There is some symmetry with being born and dying on the same day. But let’s see what tomorrow brings. Don’t fear the repair.

2 April 2024 Tuesday

I went down to Pioneer Branch of America First to have a Transfer of Death Deed notarized replacing Kyle with Adrian as the primary beneficiary as I want Adrian to have a home after I am gone and not sure that Kyle won’t do something to jeopardize the house or kick Adrian out if he has one of his angry fits. I then went to the county recorder and recorded the document however, when I asked whether this document would supersede the previous one, the man went and checked and he and his supervisor wasn’t sure. They said that I probably would have to have a document revoking the first one even though on line I found the following:

Q. How do I revoke the TOD deed after it is recorded? A. There are three ways to revoke a recorded TOD deed: (1) Complete and acknowledge a revocation form and record it in each county where the property is located. (2) Complete and acknowledge a new TOD deed that disposes of the same property and record it in each county where the property is located. (3) Transfer the property to someone else during your lifetime by a recorded deed that expressly revokes the TOD deed. You may not revoke the TOD deed by will.

            So, I came back to the house. Milagros texted and asked for some help with paying their rent that is due and I said I could only help with about a $1000 so I took the revoking document I created and went to Lee’s market’s America First withdrew $1000 by shuffling some accounts around. I went to the Grove apartment and handed Luisana the $1000. I also had the transfer deed notarized at America First before taking it back down to the County recorder and had to pay another $40.

Consequently, I feel I’ve done all that I could about insuring that Adrian stays with the house and this is his home and I made him promise that Kyle can live here as long as he wants also.

I also contacted Tyler Ferguson who is on Easter Vacation so I cannot meet with him until the 11^th. I want to have him help with changing my beneficiaries. I wish I could have met with his sooner but it is what it is. What is one more day I suppose. I am going to make Kyle my sole beneficiary. I am trying to get all my affairs in order that I can. I am tired of life’s burdens.

            Later Sara, who was the dishwasher, texted me saying her paycheck bounced also so I don’t know what to do about Maria. I guess I can’t do anything.

Jesus and Johana Pereira moved out today and thanked me for letting them stay here. They are completely different from Milagros family, so much more self-reliant.  Adrian had a trick over this afternoon which he doesn’t hide from me, like Kyle always does. When they were through romping, Adrian left for the gym and his room smelled like poppers which made me smile. I guess having his sister and brother in law here for over a week cramped his love life.

This morning while walking the pups, one of Victor’s Huskies broke loose of his leash tether and was down on Newton and Daleridge. He was a very friendly pup but I couldn’t deal with him as I had Maxx, Taco and TJ and was afraid that Maxx might want to fight him. I know Taco was looking for a scrap. Later in the afternoon again walking the pups I saw the Husky tied to a tree but still out from his yard. I took the pups home and then went to look for him but he had already escaped again. I posted on the Redwood Community page and someone must have seen it as a man brought him back to Victor’s yard.

Also, I saw that the city placed a camera to monitor Daleridge and Fernleaf basically in front of my yard. Kids are out of school for the week so doubt if it will catch any mischief.

I went to bed early around 6 emotionally drained and even contemplating about just finalizing my life and moving on to join my loved ones as I was so weary of not knowing what is going on. Taco was so sweet and slept right next to me allowing me to pet him and stroke him which was the first time he was that loving to me. Maybe he knew I was under emotional stress.

When Kyle came home around 8 he came into my room and finally told me the situation and what is happening financially. He said he sat down with all the workers at Bewilder to explain why there’s a shortage of funds this week. Kyle assured me that things will pick up again and I said all anyone of us want is to just know what is going on and not be kept in the dark, which is worse than anything he could say.  He sounded upbeat and not so desperate as he did yesterday when he was so mad at Milagros, who Kyle called a pot stirrer.

Actually, the conversation lifted my severe depression thinking it was all coming apart and the only way to deal with it was not to deal with anything anymore.

After he left I went back to sleep, waiting for Adrian to come home and then I got up and took TJ with me and climbed into bed with him.

3 April 2024 Wednesday

I spent all night embracing Adrian in his bed with TJ by my side. He held me and I held him and I tried to sleep but was only in a half dream like state grateful to be lying next to this young man who I have grown to love as my own family.

When I finally left him, to let him continue to sleep, I fixed breakfast and gave the pups their treats before taking them for a walk. It was such a beautiful nearly warm morning and all the trees that bloom have blossomed out. I never left the house today except to walk the pups.

I fixed Adrian some breakfast after he woke up and he left for the gym or some place. He went back to work this afternoon. Kyle left early around 9 this morning so it seemed strangely quiet in the house with me being alone for most of the day. I kind of felt lonesome, not being down at Bewilder but I feel kind of strange being there with not knowing financially where everything stood, so I stayed away.

I worked mainly on compiling my record of 10 years as a Gay activist and I finished through July 1986 before calling it a day. That year was my coming out year and the end of my marriage to Fran. The two events brought me great joy and great sorrow.

            Kyle came home briefly around 6 and said he was invited to dinner at this Restaurant with which he had been meeting with the owners. The place is called Table X in Millcreek and is a fine dining eatery. He said the girls at Bewilder missed me so I guess I will go in tomorrow and also pull out some money to pay Sara whose payroll check had bounced.

            I went to bed still worn down from stress since Monday and seeking a way to take care of things before considering leaving this weary place. I no longer feel the present need to vacate but it’s all I have been considering for the past couple of days without telling anyone of my intentions. I will simply hold off and hope that what Kyle said yesterday is going to be fine even if delayed.

            When Adrian came home I woke up and looked in his room and his bed was untouched. I thought he must have gone downstairs to be with Kyle in that complicated relationship so I just slept in my own bed, perchance to dream

4 April 2024 Thursday

Around 5:30 this morning, I heard Adrian come upstairs into his room. He was nude so he must have spent the night with Kyle. I took TJ and joined him in bed, and after he put some gym trunks on I just held him and massaged him and his feet. He was sleepy but his little sighs of pleasure when I massaged his back and feet made me happy and more contented than I have been all week, knowing when life is over, Adrian will remember these sweet times of being held. Kyle and others may fill his sexual needs, but I know by the way he holds me as I cradle him that I fill an emotional need of being loved by a father or in my case a grandfather figure.

            Kyle assured me that he had $240 to pay Sarah her back pay and when I went into Bewilder he was there and he gave me the money in cash. Since I didn’t have to take it from my checking account I did go to America First and withdrew $60 more to make it an even $300 and then I drove down to 8200 South in Midvale to meet Sara as she said she had no way to come into the city. After some difficulty finding her apartment I finally did and gave her the money. I have no idea how much Kyle actually owes her but it was all I could do as I am now basically broke until Social Security comes in.

            I got a notice that my Visa Bill payment was due and that was $296 but I only had $285 left in checking so I asked Kyle if we had any money in the Wells Fargo account to help pay the Visa bill after all of the debt belonged to him. He said to go withdraw $500 which I did and went to AFCU to deposit so I could pay Visa. The extra I put in my savings. This is the first time in a very long time I have no cushion or reserve after giving Milagros a $1000 to pay a portion of her rent and some money to Sarah.

            It was a beautiful day but I just stayed home and mowed the backyard to be doing something active. I no longer feel like going to Bewilder and facing the girls who look towards me to intervene with Kyle, which I am not capable of doing and can only hope he has the cash flow to pay them.

            I worked on my 1986 journal a bit and it brings back so many memories of starting a new life. I went to bed fairly early after feeding the pups. I think I am in denial about what is really going on with Kyle. However, I have done all that I can do at great personal expense and placing my finances in jeopardy. When Adrian came home he went straight to bed so I went and joined him as I really needed to be held.

5 April 2024 Friday

The weather has changed as a cold front moved in making it very windy. I took the pups for a morning walk but it became rather chilly in the afternoon. I fixed Adrian some breakfast and then worked for much of the day trying to recover my Ten Years as Gay Activist writing. I didn’t go anywhere and took a long nap around 3 and barely woke up before 5 to feed my starving pups. I finally took a shower which I hadn’t for a day or so. Looking at my phone messages I saw a long text from Milagros, saying that Kyle still hadn’t made up their past payroll checks and wanted me to talk to him as they were going to quit if not paid. I didn’t respond back as there is actually nothing I can do anymore. I am tapped out. I would if I could but I just can’t.  I am weary of trying to negotiate back  and forth in English and Spanish where I don’t think neither one of us are making ourselves clear. All I know is that I feel like I am done with going into Bewilder and carrying the burden of keeping that operation going. I am back to thinking that it may be time to leave all this behind. My journals tell me I have lived a long and useful life.

6 April 2024 Saturday

I slept in my own bed until I heard Adrian get up and use the bathroom and shower at 2 in the morning. When he was done I had to pee and then decided to join him in his bed. I tried to snuggle but he was on his phone scrolling and texting and not responding to my cuddling. I didn’t really mind but when he got out of bed and to the bathroom I figured to be alone, I took TJ and just returned to my own bed to give Adrian’s privacy. I don’t know what was in his head and it’s really none of my business. I just felt grateful for the time we had spent together. It’s probably time to let  it go unless he initiates wanting me to hold him.

It’s a gray bleak morning with a dusting of snow on the ground. It was after 8 when I woke and I was still in bed surrounded by sleeping pups. Days like this makes you want to stay under the covers which I may as there’s nothing I have to do. I finally got up to fix some coffee and a waffle and give the pups their morning treats. They have no idea how depress I must be over what Milagros texted yesterday. I can only hope Kyle found a way to pay them and some of their back pay.

            I wrote on Face book “You reach a certain age and its more comforting to look behind than forward. So many of my contemporaries are in the past that I sometimes think I will be remembered if at all as a historian rather than a Gay activist and community builder that I was in my prime,  motivated by the commandment to liberate the captive and bind up the broken hearted.

It's something I learned as an adolescent listening to my Grandpa Johnson practicing  singing, before going to church, the hymns to lead a Capella. "Each Day I'll do a Golden Deed to help someone who is in need. My life of earth is but a span so I must do the best I can."

“Being a Gay man in an era of AIDS and homophobia I was fortunate to know so many heroes that did the best we could with what we were faced with. Death was a constant companion for so many years. Seems  so distant now and mostly forgotten by all except those of us who lost so many dear friends and lovers during that time. But life goes on with you or without you so sang the Beatles. And Miles to go before I sleep as Robert Frost wrote.”

I am back to thinking its time finish things up but first I have to take Mike Romero to his colonoscopy next week, attend my birthday dinner, and on the 11^th meet with Tyler Ferguson to change my beneficiary to just Kyle. I have no idea how much I still have in my retirement account, I just know at this age the government requires I start taking money out of it.

It was super cold today so I only gave the pups one walk around noon. Before Kyle left for the day he brought me some pastries from that Restaurant Bakery called X. I didn’t have any interaction with Adrian either.

I hope things have settled at Bewilder but part of me just doesn’t care much anymore as I am getting weary of life. Mike Romero called me really upset about Coco as she hasn’t gone to the bathroom in two days and thinks it might be getting time to put her down. He could barely talk about it. It will be so hard on him. I also think that if I am gone Mike will have no one really left here in Salt Lake he can depend upon. It’s just that time in our lives that we have to think about out last days. He wants me to bring the lawn mower over to mow his grass tomorrow.

I have been a journalist meaning keeping a journal nearly my entire life starting in 1968 when I was 16 going on 17.  Some years I was rather faithful with my entries but often I left blank pages when I was closeted and not willing to commit to paper my true identity.

The closest I ever came was that all my intense relationships involved males, never females. After I married I rarely kept up my journals as it was what I called a dead period of my life when I was living an inauthentic life trying to be the perfect Mormon and husband.

Only with the threat of AIDS in the mid-1980s did I decide I had to live authentically. Rock Hudson died in October 1985 after living a dual life of stardom and secrecy.  I believed if I was to die of AIDS I needed to live authentically even if it meant shedding Mormonism and a sham marriage.

I do not regret that decision.  The nearly 38 years I have lived out of the closet is longer than the 34 years I was hiding.

Lately I  have been compiling my journals from 1985 to 1994 the 10 years I was a Gay activist in Salt Lake City from my tattered hand written binders that are falling apart.  The period covered my being Mormon and married to starting many of the organizations that built this community. 

 Working on them brings back to life for me so many of the characters who were leaders of the Royal Court, LGSU, Affirmation, MCC, Unconditional Support, the Community Council, SLAF and APU.  All these organizations built this community and most have disappeared as no longer needed as Safe havens for coming out.

 I  feel privileged to have been a part of that by gone golden age of community building.  There was so much to be done without allies and people with deep pockets. It's a time mostly forgotten but not by those of us still around.

When I finally went to bed I noticed it was raining. When the Saints meet the heavens weep... it’s raining pretty steadily tonight.  When Adrian came home I stayed in my own bed. He doesn’t need an old man climbing into his young bed every night.

 

7 April 2024 Sunday

I said I would help Mike Romero mow his lawn today and while looking around my yard I saw a little sprout growing out of a barren decorative rock. I was amazed and thought life will find a way.  Mike came over around noon with Coco and she wandered around the yard sniffing and to Mike’s great relief, she pooped twice which is what he was so worried about when he called me yesterday. So, I put the lawn mower in the back of his truck and went to his place where I mowed his small yard. I think he is feeling much better with the new diabetic medicine they have him on even though he’s now on a fasting diet to get ready for his colonoscopy this Tuesday.

            Kyle went off to see “Pretty Woman” at the Eccles theater this afternoon and Adrian went into work so after I came back home I was alone for the rest of the day. It was really pretty out compared to yesterday. The only other time I left home today was to go to Lucky’s to finally get some groceries and to walk the pups.

            I worked on my Journal from 1988 which brought back a lot of forgotten memories. I did some laundry including Adrian’s sheets and remade his bed.  Kyle came home late at night and came up to tell me about the musical which he liked better than he thought he would. I went to bed around 11 and while I heard Adrian come in at midnight I must have fallen back to sleep because it was around 3 when I got up to pee. I decided to take TJ with me and I climbed into bed with him to sleep.

8 April 2024 Monday

I slept clinging on to Adrian for much of the early morning hours before leaving his bed around 7. I did my morning routine fixing me and him breakfast and walking the pups. Lulubelle has started wanting to join us again in the morning but not in the afternoon.

I went into Bewilder this morning to do a meat order for Kyle. It was kind of weird being there as I had psyched myself into really stop being so involved there. I am glad I went, not only to see Maria and Johanna who both gave me big hugs but also I saw that the French fries and tator tots freezers were not turned on. Evidently the power switch accidentally was turned off so going in was a good  thing I suppose. I gathered up the towels I had washed yesterday and put a new load on before taking what were done home to dry.

I worked on typing up my journal from 1988 and mostly from February when Utah Title collapsed and I was thrown out of work with $2 to my name and rent due as we never received  our last paycheck and I had just put down $150 to reserve Camp Rogers for Beyond Stonewall.

When school was out at Northwest, I didn’t hear a thing of kids yelling or dogs barking so perhaps the temporary camera in front of the house is keeping the kids moving along.

Adrian went and had his haircut and was in and out much of the day and around 5:30 Kyle came home, which was really early for him. We visited a bit and I had him change the filter on the washing machine because I hadn’t done in it in months.

I am lost in my memories lately from the 1980’s and often it seems like I am reading about an entirely different person than me. Other than feeding the pups their supper and me having some Top Ramen that was about the extent of my evening.

When Kyle came home again later he came into the bedroom to let me know that the Venezuelans were planning a party for me on Wednesday when they all get off work so he said to make sure I take a nap that day.  I went to bed around 11 and really didn’t hear Adrian come in so I must have fallen asleep.

The total eclipse that passed over the eastern part of the country was all that anyone was posting about on Face book. Here in Utah, we only had a fraction of the eclipse and I didn’t bother with it. That surprised Kyle because he thought the old hippy in me lived for this kind of moon stuff. I said I was more interested in being raptured today. The Crazies all thought the eclipse was going to signal the rapture.

9 April 2024 Tuesday

I slept in my own bed all night long and had lots of adventures in dreams but can’t recall any of them except for road trips. When I woke up I was really surprised that it was almost 7 and I had slept through the night without waking up.

            I went and picked Mike Romero up at noon to take him to his colonoscopy appointment and took Coco home with me. I walked her a bit in the front yard and she had a bowel movement so that is good. Old dogs and old men. It’s what we talk about anymore.  His procedure didn’t take all that long so I received a call around 2 to come retrieve him. After dropping him off I went to Bewilder to gather up the towels that were in the wash and bring back to the house to use my dryer.  Then I spent the rest of the day doing my usual routine, walking the pups in the afternoon and feeding them before going to work typing up my record of my life from 1985 to 1994 when I was the most active in the community

            Kyle and Adrian went off somewhere together this evening so I was alone with the pups and went to bed around 10. So goodbye 72 and hello 73.

10 April 2024 Wednesday

Kyle came into my bedroom early this morning to wish me a happy birthday and to hug me. After doing my morning routine, I went outside and worked in the yard for about two hours cleaning up weeds and pulling unwanted grass. It was such a  pretty day out and I felt good to be out in the sunshine. At 2, I went down to Bewilder because Maria wanted to see me and she surprised me with a small chocolate cake and some presents. They made such a fuss I was rather embarrassed but they were so sweet.

            I came home at 2:30 just as the Northwest Middle School let out and again a hoard of boys came down the street and stood in front of Carlos Bahena and my houses about 15 of them looking to fight. I was in the garage and told the boys to just keep going on home instead of gathering and again they became belligerent calling me names when I took photos of them like I was told to do by the police but where do I send them? Kyle came home about that time and he looked at the camera footage and said I was probably wrong to engage with them  and perhaps I was but still it makes me angry because you never know what they will do.

Mike  Romero declined to go out to Red Maple for my birthday so it was Kyle, Adrian and me meeting up with TJ Otaka, Jim McMullin, and Alan Anderson although his Kyle Daniels joined us later when he was out of school.  I was really disappointed in the service but the food wasn’t all that bad I just couldn’t eat much. The Chinese waitress was so abrupt and curt with everyone that I was really put off by her. TJ complained that most Chinese restaurants use spaghetti noodles in their lo-mein rather than real Chinese noodles. I felt bad now that I had even suggested the place at all. However, the company was good and we caught up with things. TJ and Jim are heading to Ireland next week and are excited about it but just hoped it doesn’t rain the entire time.

My stomach was a little queasy on the drive home and it was nearly 6 when I was able to feed the pups and was told by Adrian and Kyle to lie down and take a nap for the big shindig the Venezuelans had planned for me. Everyone was just coming over for cake and to wish me happy birthday so Adrian had rearrange the front room to display the cake balloons and flowers. Kyle had plenty of beer and champagne for everyone. Adrian also had piles of Tequenos that were tasty and looked like little eggrolls but filled with cheese. So, I spent my 73rd birthday with a Latin flair as my house has was taken over by Venezuelans lol. The house was filled with Johanna and her husband Jesus Pereira, Tutu, Luisana, Milagros and Luis Alberto. Luis Jr. didn’t come. Then Maria and her partner and little boy came also so it was a full house. 

I was given some really nice shirts, a bathrobe and slippers and I actually was embarrassed by all the fuss they were making over me and toasted me as their Abuelito.

Adrian put on Latin Music and everyone was dancing at one point during the party. Kyle looked exhausted but Adrian was in his element dancing up a storm with his sisters and nieces. He and Kyle even had a dance together.

Actually, I was quite touched and loved seeing little Matsut dancing and jumping to the music. There were lots of laughter and merriment. A birthday to remember even if I didn't understand a word of it.

It made me happy that I was able to make this family have some enjoyment in their lives.

11 April 2024 Thursday

I spent most of the morning cleaning up after the fiesta and putting things away. I moved the around two couches. The loveseat is beneath the television now and the larger couch against the Stair railing. I found that Maria’s spouse had left his wallet at the house so I went down to Bewilder to bring it and I also brought what was left of the birthday cake for them.

I had to scramble then to make it up to Layton to meet with Tyler Ferguson by financial planner guy. I was just a little late. I’ve known him for nearly 20 years so we visited a bit also. He had taken his family to Oklahoma to see the total eclipse. He said the moral of teachers in Davis County is very low and especially since the Department of Justice had to step in to monitor complaints of racial discrimination. I said that it was sad but then a lot of teachers were jerks treating minority students differently.

            Anyway, I filled out the form making Kyle my sole beneficiary of my 401K and IRA accounts. I was rather surprised how much I still had in them, which was near $76,000. I have to start withdrawing 4 percent from now on because of government regulations. I figured that I have spent between $90,000 and $100,000 on Kyle and his misadventures so that is why I am leaving the house primarily to Adrian but I do need to figure out a way to make them joint owners now that they are no longer married. I am slightly afraid that Kyle might encumber the house and both he and Adrian would lose their home after I am gone.

            Tyler is going to roll the two accounts into one which will make it a lot easier for me to withdraw money as I need it and is also going to pay off the $3500 I still owe on the $30,000 I loaned Mike Romero years ago. That will save me $500 a month being taken out of my Social Security and Pension.

            Adrian slept with Kyle last night coming up stairs only early in the morning. That is a complicated relationship for sure. I guess the same can be said for the same of me for both of them. However, being Gay, we don’t have to have a “conventional” relationship. Adrian loves Kyle for the sex and loves me for the cuddles and nurturing. I love them both as my family. I have to meet with Tyler again on the 23^rd at 1 to fill out some paper work to roll my two accounts together.

Anyhow, coming back home and knowing that I will probably be okay financially I bought two tomato plants from Sutherland, some doggie treats and groceries at the Glendale Smith’s and went to Deseret Industries to like for a smaller belt for my pants but couldn’t find one but bought another wall clock because not sure what Adrian did with the one in the front room when he rearranged things yesterday. I could find one that I liked. I purpose went out about the time the kids get out of school just not to engage with the hoodlums.

            However just as I was coming home a tow truck repo guy stopped and asked if Kyle lived here. I lied and said no. I am sure Kyle is way behind on his car payment for the Terrain. Oh well.

            I also decided since it’s trash day tomorrow to clean all the debris from the north side of the garage driveway and clean up that area kind of like Spring cleaning. When Kyle came home he was excited that the deal he was working out with Table X was verbally finalized today.

            When Adrian came home I joined him in bed.

12 April 2024 Friday

I slept and clung to Adrian for most of the night into the morning. I took Milagros and Luisana to Bewilder but didn’t stay. They are having car problems and Milagros said they hadn’t been paid for 2 week. I hate being down there knowing that the chicas are stressed out.

About the only thing I did for myself today was go to Deseret Industries to buy another wall clock as the one I bought a while ago for the bathroom didn’t keep time.

            Adrian came home to eat his lunch, which was a surprise as he hadn’t done that before and I walked the pups in the afternoon. When I came back home Adrian said that a boy was here to see me and it was Hector from Bismarck Express as he was quite concerned that Kyle hadn’t paid his and one of the checks he cashed at Rancho Market had bounced and he was worried because they had threatened him with the police, which obvious was just a bluff.

I felt sorry for him and said I would take him to my credit union and pull out $730 to cover that check so he could go visit Mexico without that worry.  I took it out of my savings hoping that the Tax refund would come before all those bills for the car payment, the solar panels, and the work truck come due after the 20^th. 

            I had paid the Ashley bill, the Visa Bill, and was caught up on my line of credit so I felt like I would be okay. Then almost as soon as Hector left, Kyle called and said he was short around $300 to pay some of his staff and asked if I had it. So, he came home and we went back to America first and I withdrew $400 each from my Visa and Line of Credit to let him have $800. So, both those cards are now tapped out but hopefully in May I will start having an extra $500 a month to start paying them off. Ideally it would be nice if Kyle would pay them off since they are all his expenditures but that’s not likely.

            He  has so many projects in the works about taking over Table X and selling part of Bismarck to bring in some cash but how much is pie in the sky I haven’t a clue. I guess I will be okay until I’m not.

            It was quite warm today as I think it was near 80 degrees. I got my tomato plants in the ground and planted some sunflower seeds and yellow squash. I suppose I will have to wait and see if I Live long enough to see any results.

13 April 2024 Saturday

Adrian went to bed after 1:30 so he may have been down with Kyle. I debated whether to join him in his room but “Time’s fleeting Chariot” bade me climb in bed with him and hold him tight all night. If he should an ounce of resistance to me sharing his bed I would stay in my own but he rolls over and hugs me also with such affection that I think he needs me there as much I need him.

            When I finally left his side around 7 I found that Lulubelle had a very dirty butt with poop all matted in her hair so I had to take her into the shower and clean her up. What was the old expression? Shit happens. However, I also had to rewash my bedding which she had got dirty while up on the bed. What you do for love.

            So, the rest of the morning I was doing the regular routine, making waffles, walking the pups, and fixing Adrian some breakfast. Kyle said Milagros needed a ride to work so I took her but did not stay as he just wanted to stay home. Otherwise, I didn’t do much in the afternoon except post some articles on my history site from 1992.

            While I was feeding the pups Kyle asked if I would bring a pair of work shoes down to Bewilder because he was going to wash dishes there because Luisana wasn’t working. Evidently this is the weekend she went to Disney World in Florida. So, I knew they would need some help so I brought him his shoes, put on an apron and started in on the dishes. Kyle was surprised that I was Staying. He said to only stay until 7 but I said maybe 7:30. Actually Kyle had Milagros, Johanna and her husband Jesus Pereira working. I was surprised to see Jesus there so was not sure if he was just temporarily filling in.

            At 7 the front house manager informed me that the large group that was supposed to come in at 9 was here already! From 7 to 9 it was none stop orders with the four of them cranking out the food while I tried to keep up with the plates and pots and pans. We were slammed and later Kyle said they made $2300 tonight.

            I cut myself for the first time twice, since the six months I had been at Bewilder. Once on the thumb  when I was carelessly cutting romaine lettuce and the second time on the other hand when someone threw a serrated knife into the soapy dishwater and I didn’t know it was there. I had Kyle tell the crew to never put a knife into a sink. That is a restaurant no-no for a dishwasher.

            Anyway, I was getting tired and 8 o’clock came and went and so did 9. The kitchen closed at 10 and that is when I decided to go home. Luis Alberto came in at closing so there were 5 people to clean up. Even though I kept up with the dishes, when I left I saw lots more in the containers that needed to be washed but I was tired so I went home. Kyle said they all didn’t get out until after midnight but Kyle gave them three pitchers of beer and had 3 Little Caesar Pizzas.

            I had to put away the dog food I had ground up for them and did up the dishes as well as make Arians bed before finally going to bed at 11.

            I was surprised to see Adrian coming home because it’s usually after midnight when he traipse in. However, after midnight the dogs began to bark and I noticed that Adrian was bringing some one home, the scamp. He must have been horny because they all went down to Kyle’s room to fuck. I was happy that life goes on in the house of the Barking Dogs.

 

14 April 2024 Sunday

Adrian didn’t sleep in his bed but stayed downstairs with Kyle. I was up around 7:30 which is kind of late for me. I walked the pups, watered the garden, and saw Kyle as he left after 10 as it was just going to be just Johanna and him today because Luisana is in Florida. He asked if I’d come in around 2:30 to help down there and I said I would.

            A little before that Adrian came upstairs, doing the walk of shame, and went right to bed. I am sure he had a delightful but sleepless night. Later around 11:30 he came out to eat his breakfast and shared his adventures. I guess Adrian brought two guys home but he said he was too tired to fuck so they went to Kyle’s room where he just watched them. Later when they left, he let Kyle fuck him. I am sure it was familiar and comforting even though Adrian said he only sees Kyle now as a friend and not as a husband. They can be intimate physically again but not with the heart.

            I went down to Bewilder around 3 where it was kind of slow but stayed for about an hour and a half then left to come back home to feed the pups and take a nap. I went back to bewilder at 7 and did up all the dishes and pots and pans. Johanna’s husband Jesus Pereira was down helping too, I suppose to be hanging out. Kyle said that Milagros wants me to take her to Roseman Dental  tomorrow in the morning as she has a bad toothache and he said that this guy who wants to buy a part of the Bismarck company sent him a contract. I wonder if that’s just another pipe dream.

            I went to bed around 10 then when Adrian came home I joined him in his bed. He said his back was sore so I gave him a good body massage before we both fell asleep.

15 April 2024 Monday

I slept with Adrian all night and woken a few times by TJ wanting to go outside and by the rain we had for most of the night. At one point Adrian was having like a bad dream or nightmare so I just held him and stroke his hair lightly until the bad dream went away.

When I attempted to get out of bed this morning, Adrian rolled over and held me tight in his embrace. That was so sweet so I let him sleep a bit then finally had to get up because I had to get ready to take Milagros to Roseman.

            It rained nearly all night long but I couldn’t remain in bed because of taking Milagros to Roseman Dental. A toothache can be a misery. Glad I can still drive and that they haven’t posted a Silver Alert out for me yet.

            Anyway, we were down there by 9:00 and Milagros had a wisdom tooth that needed extracting. I just had to sit and wait and play spider solitaire on my phone for most of the time. It was noon by the time she was out of having an examination and tooth extracted. The extraction was only $95 which I paid for it.  She has to come back on April 30^th at 1 in the afternoon.

            It sprinkled and misted for most of the morning when I walked the pups but it was clearing up in the afternoon. I went to Luckys to buy some groceries for Adrian’s breakfasts but after that I was home for the rest of the day.

            Kyle called me in the afternoon saying he managed to secure a loan to pay off his obligations he owes on Bismarck Donuts so the deal he made with selling a partial interest of the business is going through I suppose. If so finally Kyle will have the resources to run his businesses quarterly instead of from pay check to paycheck

16 April 2024 Tuesday

I slept part of the night with Adrian before getting up to start the morning. Kyle left the house early around 8, while Adrian slept in until noon. I never left the house today  except to walk the pups in the warm sunshine. Milagros didn’t go into work, still recovering from her wisdom tooth extraction and Luisana is in Florida visiting a friend and going to Disney World and Miami. I searched for my 1994 journal on the computer for hours but evidently I never wrote it up or at least saved it. I think I may have to type up both 1987 and 1994.

I spent an hour mowing the back yard this afternoon as it was getting overgrown from all the rain we have had recently. Later I looked to see what was in the fridge to quench my thirst. I saw what I thought was like a root beer,  Hazelnut Brown nectar. Nowhere did it say it was a real beer until I sipped it! Talk about false advertising. Oh well.

Kyle was busy all day paying off Bismarck bills and getting caught up so this fellow will buy part of the business for $400,000. I hope it all goes as well as he says it might.

This evening as I was worn down from typing I went to bed to watch some television when Adrian came home with a Little Caesar Pepperoni pizza. I had a slice which I shouldn’t have had because I knew it would give me heart burn but I shared all the pepperoni with the pups.

Adrian surprised me by climbing into my bed and holding me. I turned off the television and held him while we visited the best we could. The gist of what I understood was that his life in Columbia was hard and being here is so much better. Also, as all his siblings were so much older than him, he was lonely growing up and I think that is why he needs me so much to hold him and sleep with him. He said I was his friend, his father, and grandfather. I can live with that.

I said that he, Kyle, and I were a family and that this is home. Kyle doesn’t need the physical affection that Adrian and I share but he shares an intimate affection with Adrian at times so it’s all good. I now know that Adrian loves me and the affection I give him is something he craves and it’s something I can still give as well as receive.

Kyle came home after 10 but went right to his room so I had Adrian go back to his room and get undressed so that I could give him a relaxing massage, which I did. I always have to bring TJ with me or he will just scratch at the door to be with me. Adrian and I fell asleep with me pressed up against him, cradling him as he fell asleep and I drifted off.

17 April 2024 Wednesday

I was up a few times having to pee and then when Taco was scratching at the door to be with me, I took him and TJ back to my own bed to sleep for a few hours. Afterwards I got back up and rejoined Adrian in his bed where he was sound asleep but still wanting me to hold him, which I did.

            Light was streaming into the bedroom when I woke up at 7:30 and left the sleeping boy to fix some breakfast and provide the pups with their morning treats. After doing my morning routine Kyle sent me a message asking me to come in to Bewilder this morning to work with Maria as that Milagros still didn’t feel well enough to come in. Luisana is still in Florida and today is Johana’s day off. Kyle had to be at a food and safety meeting so he couldn’t be there.

            It was fairly slow this morning and afternoon, so I peeled and cut up 50 pounds of onions which Maria sautéed as we were down to just 3 containers and they are used on about everything we put out. I cut my thumb again for stupid, but my cousin sent me a helpful hint that cayenne pepper would stop the bleeding from a cut. I tried it and it certainly worked.

            Kyle came to the kitchen around 4 so I left about then to go feed and walk the pups. I only got to lay down for about 20 minutes before I was off again to help with the evening rush of orders. Wednesdays are trivia game night so we are busy but not slammed. However, it does take three people to work pushing out orders.

            It was interesting to see some of the changes to the menu for the better. Hamburgers are made with fresh ground beef instead of frozen patties and they are smashed on the grill. We serve a lot of mushroom sauce spaetzle now also.

            Anyway, when not on the fryers I was doing dishes to get caught up. Kyle looked tired and stressed but I didn’t ask why. I figured if he wanted to tell me he would. He said that Persephone dragged in 3 mice she had caught yesterday and that it had kept him up last night.

Kyle closed early at 9:30 because I know he was tired and so was Maria and me. I left after doing up some dishes and was home by 10 and a sleep by 11. I slept in my own bed when Adrian came home.

18 April 2024 Thursday

I am not sure what time I got up probably between 4 and 5 and went and climbed into bed with Adrian. He was nude instead of wearing brief so he was on his stomach most of the time while I just embraced his back and shoulders while falling back to sleep. Around 7, I woke up and left him so he could sleep some more and I start my morning routine. Milagros wasn’t coming into work again so I left the house at 10 so I didn’t get a chance to make Adrian any breakfast.

I wanted to go down to the truck wash to retrieve the towels to take them to Bewilder to laundry but once there all the towels had already been done and I didn’t see any wet ones. Also, I didn’t see Luis Alberto there but another Latino washing a truck so I wasn’t sure what was going on but needed to hurry back to Bewilder to be with Maria Hernandez. Going to Papi’s was a wasted trip.

            Almost as soon as I was at Bewilder, Kyle said he wanted me to go with him and while I was concerned about leaving Maria alone to set up, Kyle insisted and I knew something was wrong when he wouldn’t tell me anything until getting into the Volvo with him heading south,

            Well Kyle’s past and not being truthful about his background came home to roost and his bubble burst again. Evidently the guy who wanted to invest his money into Bismarck donuts investigated Kyle’s background and found out about his convictions that sent him to prison. Kyle also had not been forthright with the man who he had a contract to take over Bismarck donuts and the fellow broke the contract with Kyle, so he lost all of the Bismarck Donuts business.

We were on the way to Provo to retrieve the Terrain that was left down there after Hector was let go as he had been using it to deliver donuts to the Bismarck Express. However once there we could not find the car where it was said to have been left and Kyle assumed that it had been repossessed  but when he called about it they couldn’t confirm that it had been, so it was a mystery to us where the vehicle was. We had no choice but to head back to Salt Lake.  If Kyle ever located the Terrain he never told me.

            So, all that work Kyle did in February and money spent came to nothing. I have no idea how much debt Kyle is into for that fiasco but he kind of acted relieved because the Bismarck Business was never profitable and was affecting his other businesses. He said that his Papi’s Truck wash and the former Bismarck Express drink shack are his own businesses but he was worried that Cody McKendrick may cancel his contract to operate the kitchen. So, who knows what will happen next? Kyle is also withdrawing from the Table X deal before they cancel the deal he is working on with them.

            I knew all along that Kyle was expanding too fast just like he did with Build Team instead of concentrating on giving his attention to Bewilder and the Truck Wash but you can’t tell him anything.

After dropping me back off at Bewilder he went back home to rest  as he said he only had 1 hour of sleep last night. I stayed with Maria until almost 5 before I headed home to feed the pups and Kyle had come back down.

            I returned to Bewilder at 6 and it was not a very busy night for some reason, which was a good thing in some ways because Maria and I were both very tired with Luisana and Milagros gone all week and Johana having yesterday and today off.

            Kyle was in his office working on rebranding Bismarck Express since it no longer sells donuts and he came up with the name “Licks” which I thought was odd but decided to just support him. Since Hector no longer works for Kyle, he changed the operating hours from 7 to 3 in the afternoon with David switching to the morning and afternoon. There’s also no more Bismarck donuts to sell at Bewilder so Kyle will have to come up with some other type of dessert.

            The night was steady but we had no rush that needed 3 people like yesterday so after helping Maria and keeping up with the dishes I left at 9 to go home. Kyle was doubtful that there would be that many orders for the rest of the night.

            Kyle said that there would be enough money to pay all the employees that he still has and that all the former Bismarck people had been paid. I think the Bismarck venture was actually a fiasco and one that Kyle should never had taken on down in Utah County.

            I checked my own finances and saw that my Federal Tax refund had been deposited and my state taxes paid.  As soon as I am able I want to withdraw enough money to fix the work truck that needs a catalytic converter so it can be sold and that will be money no longer going out each month.

            When I came home I went to bed.

19 April 2024 Friday

            Around 5:30 I woke up and went into Adrian’s room to lay with him. He was sleeping with his house coat on and was sound asleep. I only slept in his bed a short while until Taco was scratching at the door so I left and went back to my own bed. I never heard from Milagros or Kyle if she was going into work or needed a ride so I didn’t worry about it.

I fixed Adrian his breakfast and he seemed sad so I asked what is wrong and he said that his oldest sister in Columbia who is married and has two children has cancer that had spread from her breasts to her back and is hospitalized. She is not expected to recover. She’s only about 37 he said.

The only thing I did outside of the house was go to Deseret Industries where I bought a nice pink summer shirt and a couple of 36 inch waist shorts. However, when I tried one on at home the size was missed matched and was a bit too small. I also went to the Glendale Smith’s and bought some doggie treats. I am trying to avoid the Rose Park Smith’s.

            I posted a lot of item to my Face book History page and didn’t get very far in writing up my1994 journal from January. Before Adrian went off to work he had someone come over for sex as he shut my bedroom door to keep the pups from barking. His little escapades never last very long usually around 20 minutes. When I used to have tricks over, or when I visited Kimball it would be for hours not minutes. Oh well. I did his laundry and washed his sheets and remade his bed.

Kyle later came home and said that Johanna picked up Milagros so there were 3 there working tonight. Kyle also said he had a long conversation with the gals about their hours and salaries  so who knows where that will end up. Also, he said everyone is mostly caught up with their pay.

He also asked if I’d go down to Provo tonight to see if the Terrain was somewhere in the Bismarck parking lot. I said I would but we didn’t leave until 9 o’clock. While Kyle and I visited about his new reality of losing Bismarck and the Motr pizza place, it still was good that I went along to let him talk. He surprised me by saying that he think Luisana might quit Bewilder and he thought she stirs up the others. I never saw that side of her so I didn’t comment.

He is also in debt $40,000 to this guy he borrowed money from to pay off all his debts to Bismarck when he thought that guy was going to buy a portion of the business for $400,000. I think he was hoping I would lend him the money but I won’t. He’s already drained enough of my retirement savings with his failed businesses. He will have to come up with it on his own.

            Well just as we suspected, the Terrain was again nowhere to be found and it hadn’t been reprocessed so we are fairly certain that it had been towed to an impound lot, so it was another wasted trip down to Provo which since it was Friday it was date night and it was crazy down there. I can’t tell you how much I hate being in Utah County.

            Before driving back home we stopped at an Arctic Circle and got two soft ice-cream cones. It was nearly 11 by the time we returned back to the house. On Sunday morning we are returning to Provo to retrieve the kitchen items that Kyle had bought for the pizza business that we had taken out that loan for. Then Bewilder is having a group of 100 people in between 11 and 2 and if Luisana isn’t back to work it will be just Kyle and Johanna so I suspect I will be needed down there to help out.

20 April 2024 Saturday

 When Adrian came home, j got up and joined him in his bed  until getting up this morning to fix breakfast. No one contacted me whether Milagros needed a ride to work today so I just stayed home all day. It was Maria’s day off and Luisana was flying back to Utah so she didn’t work today. Kyle later asked me if I would go in around 5 to help Milagros and Johanna, which I did but they were not busy at all as both their husbands were there so I left around 8 and came back home. Kyle said he is sick with diarrhea and I wonder if it’s not from the stress from all the shit that came down on him this week. That is why he couldn’t work tonight. In the news I heard the Republican controlled House of Representatives finally did the right thing and brought aid for Ukraine to a vote. A solid majority of Republicans voted against the bill, 112. However, 101 Republicans voted for it which passed by a 311-112 margin. Moscow Marjorie is calling for Speaker Johnson’s resignation for bringing it to a vote. 

 

21 April 2024 Sunday

I woke up around 2:30 when Adrian came home and I went and joined him in bed and immediately he fell into my arms and I just held him tight. I could smell a bit of alcohol on his breath so he probably went out drinking after work and that was why he came home so late. I didn’t mind and neither did Taco and TJ, who were also in bed with us.  Adrian clung to me for most of the night needing to be held. That I can do. I always think of the line from Lion In Winter when Queen Eleanor says, “Fragile I am not. Affection is a pressure I can bare.” So, I cradled the boy for much of the wee morning hours until getting up at 7 to let him continue to sleep while I start my day and what a busy day it was.

            Kyle was sick for much of the day with constant diarrhea but still we had to retrieve the kitchen equipment from Provo that we had taken a loan out for. I wasn’t able to fix Adrian his breakfast but did walk the pups early at 8. We left the house at 8:15 to go to the truck wash to retrieve a U Haul truck and we were on our way. It was about 9:30 when we reached the Vibe in which the pizza place was located and where the equipment was.

I held the door open while Kyle rolled out a large food cabinet and a refrigerator unit. The larger cabinet was at least 4 feet long, heavy and the wheels didn’t quite fit the ramp into the bed of the U-Haul.

Provo was quiet as a tomb it being Sunday but as by fortunate circumstances this tall young college student stopped and asked if we needed help, which we did. Because of my prejudices against Utah County, I forget that there are some kind and good people down there.

 The kid helped scoot the cabinet up the ramp and then said he had to leave as he had church at 10 and hadn’t showered or changed yet. The refrigerator unit was much smaller so that both Kyle and I could handle it ourselves.  So ends Kyle’s pizza venture called Motr which he said never was profitable.

            We then headed home to Salt Lake County after making a pit stop for Kyle and we dropped off the U Haul at the truck washed and headed back to Fernleaf.

 I immediately went down to Bewilder to help out as we had a group of 100 people scheduled between 11 and 2 for a Trivia Tournament. When I arrived only Johanna and Jesus Pereira were there and I was worried that Luisana might not come in but she did shortly before 11.

We immediately got busy and after getting caught up on the dishes we three, Luisana, Johana, and I, worked cranking out orders. We made over $500 in just the first hour alone. Luisana worked the line, Johanna the grill, and I did the fryers so we managed pretty well. Kyle came in for a minute but then had another attack of diarrhea so he went back home and stayed there unable to help out.

            I worked until 2 catching up with all the dishes for the women before leaving and the huge crowd had stopped ordering anyway. I stopped at Smith’s on the way home and bought Kyle some Imodium anti diarrhea pills and some Greek Yogurt before coming back to the house. I walked the pups again in the afternoon and fixed some chicken Top Ramen for Kyle and the pups their supper.

            I was a bit worried about Kyle depleting his salts and potassium so I went to Lucky’s and bought him some bananas and Power Ade. After that I was in for the evening. I went to bed shortly after 9 myself.

22 April 2024 Monday`

Adrian never came home last night so I just fixed a waffle breakfast for myself. Around 9 Kyle came up and asked if I would take him to the emergency room up at the university as his stool was black and he was concerned that it might be blood.

So off I went to drive across town to the emergency room, dropped Kyle off, but then I also had to go to the Chef Store because the kitchen was out of dish soap and fryer oil. So, after picking those items up I went to Bewilder where Maria was the only one working this morning until Johanna came in at 11. While there I ordered more bratwursts and then Maria said they were out of Romaine lettuce so I had to go back to the Chef Store to buy a case.

            Upon arriving, Cody McKendrick approached me to talk about Kyle, which I dreaded. Evidently the owner of Bismarck Donuts posted on his Instagram account that Kyle was a criminal and had basically ruined his business. It was scathing. So, Cody wanted to talk to me that he was upset that check cashing places had been calling him about payrolls that had bounced.

Also, he said that many of the food distributors that Kyle had owed had called him too. He said that Bewilder was having issues with revenue coming in and both owners are having to sell their houses to pay off debts themselves. The only good thing coming out of the conversation was that Cody was satisfied with the kitchen product and workers. Kyle had not been honest with Cody about bills not being paid and that is the worst thing you can do,  is lose trust. So how this all will end is a mystery to me.

            I was barely home when Kyle called for me to come pick him up from the emergency room. He said that he had  viral infection and did not have blood in his stool so their view was to just rest and let the virus run its course.

            Kyle also said that David who had been working at the Soda Shack had to return to Columbia on a family emergency so no one is there to run the place until Kyle can hire someone.

            Adrian was home when we arrived. He said that he spent the night at Milagros as his sister Johanna wanted to spend some time with him and the whole family was there drinking beers until 2 in the morning so he just slept there.

            I cooked Kyle some rice as he felt that would help settle his stomach. I stayed home for the rest of the day cleaning some and fixing the pups their supper and finished typing up the month of February 1994.

Really late at night Maria Hernandez sent me a message that asked if I would meet with her at 10 tomorrow at Bewilder and Milagros sent me a message after reading about what Bismarck had written about Kyle.

”Hello, Ben, how so is a criminal that’s the networks”. I think she was asking me if Kyle was a criminal.

When Adrian went to bed I joined him and we were both so depressed and worried about the situation Kyle has put us in. I actually wept a little in Adrian’s arms as he kept stroking my beard and trying to comfort his grandpa. However, I stopped it because I knew shedding tears would not change a thing. I stayed with Adrian for just a little while as I was up and down a lot having to pee several times so rather than bother Adrian I went to my own bed.

23 April 2024 Tuesday

I spent the morning going over the days the Bewilder people worked so I could meet with them at 10. I thought it was Maria Jose I was meeting with but actually it was Maria Hernandez and Luisana and Milagros. It was a hard meeting listening to their laments and especially hard that Luisana hadn’t been paid in weeks and as he was gone last Friday she didn’t get the $1200 the rest of them received.

So, I went to the Credit Union and pulled out $1350 from my Savings and from the Visa to pay her $1250 and $100 to Tutu who had not been paid for working at the Bismarck Express.

Our whole conversations were done on the Say Hi ap so I really didn’t understand all of it except I reassured them that Cody McKendrick liked their work and product and weren’t going to fire Kyle. I also reassured them that I would make sure they have all their back pay in a couple of weeks at the most, as I am pulling the funds from my retirement accounts Anyway I hope that comforted then that they would not lose their back pay or their jobs, I can only hope.

            My stomach was just in knots and hoped I wasn’t getting an ulcer. It was probably because I had no coffee or breakfast before going down to Bewilder.  I then went home to see Adrian and let him know I paid Luisana and let him know I was okay although I wasn’t really, emotionally. However, I will have a couple of hundred dollars left until I am paid next week.

            So, at 12:30 I drove to Layton to meet with Tyler Ferguson. Liz Beck had contacted me yesterday asking if I wouldn’t mind my telephone number being given out to a former parent I once had who she said loved me and how I taught her children. I said certainly. Tyler said that Liz had contacted him first and he gave her my number because he knew the affection I had for Liz.

            After we gabbed a bit about education and how it all changed in the district since Covid we got down to business. I asked to have $12,000 taken out of my IRA right away so I would have $10,000 to pay back wages and hope that would be enough between 5 people.

            I was very sentimental saying goodbye to Tyler when I got ready to leave as I probably will never see him again after this transaction of rolling my two accounts in to one IRA at Fidelity Bank. I gave him a hug and he said that he always admired and appreciated me as we had known each other for so long.

            Well, that is taken care of. Kyle is my sole beneficiary and after I pass he will have 10 years to liquidate any remaining assets I may have left.

            I was so sleepy driving home that I really had to concentrate to stay focus and as soon as I was home I went to bed for a long two hour nap.

            Adrian decided he wanted to paint white  the remaining wooden night stands and clothes bureau that Michael Romero and I bought for the house from Deseret Industries years ago. I didn’t care. It will all be his eventually any way. Kyle met with Maria Jose and was going to fire her but instead moved her to work at the Soda Shack to replace David who went back to Columbia. He was going to fire her.

            Maria Hernandez texted me then that they were basically out of all bratwursts except chicken so my last excursion of the day was to go to Harmon’s downtown and buy some Originals and Jalapeno brats. Our regular order won’t be ready until tomorrow. I could tell Maria and Johana Pereira were busy so I stayed and helped with catching up with the washing of dishes. I stayed for about an hour before coming back to the house because I had my own stomach issues and had to use the toilet. I don’t think it was the intestinal flu that Kyle probably has. I went to bed around 9 as I was emotionally drained.

24 April 2024 Wednesday

It was an extremely difficult day. When Adrian came home from work I went and joined him in bed and spent the night sleeping next to him until morning. I did my morning routine, walking the pups, fixing a waffle for me and breakfast for Adrian. I then went out into the garage and started sanding down the varnish on the bedroom nightstands and clothes bureau that Adrian wants to paint white.

Kyle had me call in an order of chicken and ground beef at Main Street Meat Market this morning and later Harmon’s Emigration said we could pick up the brats as they were ready.

            So around 11, I drove over to 17^th East and 13^th South across town to buy the brats. The store is 10 miles across town from my house and takes 25 minutes just to get there. I knew I would have to use my own debit card but was not expecting it to be $285 as I only had about $1100 in the bank and I knew I had 3 bills, my car payment, the work truck payment, and the solar panel payment which totals $1070 coming due tomorrow. After that, I went and picked up the Meat Market order and that was $286! I became really concerned then that for first time I may have insufficient funds and I didn’t have much left in my line of credit to cover it.

            I came home and looked at my credit union and by maxing out my line of credit of $85 and my visa at $192, I was still short around $50 so I called Kyle and he came home with $100 from the Papi’s account and I went and deposited that so I had enough to cover those three bills but I am stone broke now until next week when my pension check arrives. Oh well I have been broke before but haven’t been this broke in such a long time without any cushion.

            I couldn’t do much else and since I was home by myself, for much of the rest of the day, I finished sanding the furniture in the garage and laid down for a bit before it was time to feed the pups. Kyle came back home while I was feeding the pups from talking to girls at Bewilder about their new hours and such.

            I spent much of the rest of the evening typing up my train trip to the 1987 March on Washington so it doesn’t get lost. While I was doing so Kyle called me to come downstairs because he was hurting really bad. I know he was because he was sitting on the toilet suffering and moaning in pain. His diarrhea or bowel movements had gotten worse. He was in so much pain he didn’t care about anything but needing help. He eventually made it back to his bed and his cries of agony were awful. He wanted me to see if he had a fever which he hadn’t and he said the pain came in waves. I looked at his stool and could see it was pinkish so I knew he had shat some blood. He was reluctant to go to the ER again but seeing writhe in anguish I insisted.

            He just put on his pajama sweats and I was in my shorts but it was still around 76 degrees according to my car temperature gauge.

Kyle was almost delirious from the pain in his gut so I escorted him into the ER around 10:30. The place was not busy at all but also at night there is less medical staff working. I texted Adrian that I was with Kyle at the ER so that he would know where we were when he came home as I knew we would be here for hours and we were. While waiting for a room they did draw some blood and took his vitals but mostly we just sat in the lobby.

            It was nearly 11:30 by the time they had a room ready for him and I went with him and sat by his side the whole time. They gave him an IV but we waited to be seen mostly. The IV may have had some pain medicine in it because while at first his pain rating was 8 out of 10 it eventually went down to 4 for him.

The room was really cool almost cold but we were given light blankets that helped. Kyle was lying down in the bed and I sat in a chair trying to stay warm. Finally, I turned the room temperature up from 68 to 75 and that helped a lot.

It was after midnight before the attending physician Dr. Jane Yee came to speak to Kyle. She said that his blood work looked normal but she wanted to do a cat scan to see what was going on in his intestines. So, I ended a very long day sitting in a room covered with a blanket in the Emergency Room of the University of Utah’s hospital.

25 April 2024 Thursday

Because they wanted to run a CT scan, we had to wait several hours for one to be ready. Kyle was anxious and wanted to go home but I was there just to assure him he needed this care and he’s only wanting to go home because the medicine he was on had made him feel better a bit. Anyhow, I had turned the light off so the room was a bit darker and I tried to cat nap while sitting upright in the char by his bed.

            They took a stool sample and a urine sample before finally they wheeled him back to have the CT but then we had to wait for that result. Around 3:30 Dr. Yee came in and said the CT Scan didn’t show anything but a serious inflammation probably due to a virus  and she prescribes some medicine for the pain and diarrhea.

Finally, it was around 4 in the morning when Kyle was discharged. Walking to the car, I noticed that it must have showered while we were in the emergency room as the street was wet. On the way home I noticed a bright full moon up in the sky which was very beautiful and it kind of lit up the night.

            It was a little after 4:00 when we were finally back home but I noticed that Adrian’s car was not here so he must have spent the night somewhere else.

            I only slept in until around 7:30 this morning before starting my day. As I am flat broke I stayed home all day while Adrian painted my bedroom nightstands and clothes bureau white after he had come home. He had spent the night at Milagros.

I pulled all the weeds on the parking pad on the south side of the house that had overgrown. That took almost two hours but it was pleasant out although I heard thunder in the darken skies but we never got any rainout of it here.

            Kyle is getting a little better as his diarrhea seems to be under control and he’s not in nearly as much pain. I felt so helpless last night when he was writhing in pain and crying out.

            Well, Adrian’s room is nearly all white now and I call it the Celestial Kingdom. It does look nice but nothing I would ever do. I prefer earthy colors. Oh well.

            I spent the remainder of the evening typing up my journal from the 1987 March on Washington. I went to bed fairly early around 9 since I had a long night yesterday.

26 April 2024 Friday

            I woke up around 6:30and I really must have been out of it because I never heard Adrian come home last night and I slept in my own bed with the pups although I could hear it raining. I did get up and joined Adrian in bed but he was so dead to the world that I just hugged him for a bit before getting up to start my morning. I checked my America First Credit Union and all three bills were paid but while I expected to have nearly a $100 I was surprised that I only had 43 cents in my checking.

            I called Kyle and asked if he had enough after doing payroll so I could have $100 until I get paid next week. He was at Papi’s doing payroll so he wanted me to bring down the worksheet I had done the other day on who worked when, which I did. After figuring out what he could pay, he sent me to Wells Fargo where I withdrew  $5000 for his employees and a $100 for me.

            It was raining as I was running errands and I took the towels from Papis back to Bewilder to wash. I will have to go back later to bring them home to dry. Only Johanna and Maria were working while I was there but I don’t know their new schedule. It’s not very fun for me to go down there any more with so many being disgruntled over their back pay but we will get them paid when my $10,000 comes in next week.

I said to Kyle that actually they don’t know how fortunate they are to be paid weekly because most people it’s ever two weeks  and for 28 years I was paid only once a month.

            It rained all day but there was a break when it was only misting so I could walk the pups. Taco acted like he had diarrhea as he went 4 times and his stool was runny.

            When Kyle came home from being at Papi’s until 4, I fed the pups and Kyle asked if I would fix him a golden Yukon potato which I boiled for him. I had made some Macaroni and Cheese but he didn’t feel up to having any of that but at least he was eating something more solid.

            He went back downstairs to rest and later Adrian came home during his dinner break to eat and he said he missed me being in bed with him last night so I assured him I would be there tonight.

            I worked typing up my adventure from 11 October 1987 for most of the night except when I went back to Bewilder to gather up the wet towels and bring them back to the house to put in our dryer. Luisana was there with Johanna and Maria working. I guess her new hours for Fridays start at 5. I saw that they were busy so I just gathered the towels and left.

            Around 8, Kyle came up to say that the results of his stool specimen showed that he had E. Coli! That is why he was so deathly ill. There’s not much you can do for it but to let it run its course, which he is doing. I think the worse of it is over.

            I went to bed after 11:00 when I had posted on the history site, day 5 of my March on Washington adventure but shortly afterwards I heard Adrian come home so I got up and joined him in his bed along with TJ and Taco. I just held him and gently massaged him until we both fell asleep. It pleases me to no end that he wants me to be with him as he falls asleep.  How fortunate am I.

27 April 2024 Saturday

I had to get up several times to pee, once to hush Lulubelle who was probably barking hearing the squirrels scurry in the attic, so I didn’t have a complete night sleep but I did fall asleep enough to dream and drape my arms around Adrian.

            I was up by 7:30 so I could take the dried towel down to Papi’s so they could have them to use washing the U of U fleet. It was raining the whole time down there. Before getting up I heard the garage door open so Kyle had gone somewhere just before I left.

            When Kyle returned from opening up “Licks” he asked if I wanted to go with him down to the Harmons in Taylorville to get some more Brats as Bewilder had gone through the $280 worth I just bought the other day. I suppose he just wanted the company as he was still recovering from his E Coli infection. It rained on us for the entire time we were running errands.

I noticed while we were out driving around that gas prices are like on a roller coaster. When I filled up just the other day, it was $3.99 a gallon and now it’s back to $3.79. It’s like a guessing game when to buy gas.

I finally had Kyle tell me what the new work schedule is for Bewilder. People’s hours had been reduced especially Milagros and Luisana and Maria Hernandez and Johanna increased. Everyone works 6 days a week but Sunday through Tuesday they only have two people in while the rest  of the week they have three. Milagros only works during the day because she found a temporary job somewhere else from 4 to 11. Today Luisana and Johanna worked together until Maria came in at 5.

            After getting the bratwurst we had to go to the Chef Store to pick up some more items the kitchen was out of then we had to go to Lowes get a new lock for the gate at the soda shack parking lot as the one on it was probably stolen by some homeless person. Kyle said he’s thinking of calling the shack The MIXX instead of Licks.

            After that I was home for much of the rest of the rainy day only walking the pups once in a break in the showers. I finished typing and posting my 8 day adventure with the March on Washington when I was half the age I am now. So many I wrote about are gone now, John Bennett, Bruce Harmon and Bruce Barton, Val Mansfield just to name a few that I know of.

            Kyle wanted something more substantial in his stomach than just soups and liquids so we did go out once more to Lucky’s where he bought some Dinty Moore Stews and then he disappeared down stairs.

            When Adrian came home I joined him in his bed and he said he had a busy night at work so I massaged him and then caressed him until we both fell asleep. We were almost a sleep when a loud boom went off and some jack ass must have set off a bottle rocket in the neighborhood.

In the news, protests have broken out at colleges with students condemning Israeli indiscriminately slaughtering women and children while trying to eliminate Hamas in Gaza. The trial of Trump in the Stormy Daniels election fraud case is in full process with jokes about the former editor of the National Enquirer’s whose last name is Pecker.

 

28 April 2024 Sunday

I slept holding Adrian tight all night before getting up to do my morning routine. Kyle needed to go down to Bewilder to see what they might need after having a busy night. He asked me if I wanted to go with him but I declined as I wanted to fix Adrian his breakfast as I hadn’t been able to for several days because of running morning errands with Kyle.

            After fixing breakfast and wrapping it for when he gets up, I decided after last night’s rain it was a good time to pull weeds in the parking strips while the ground is moist. I was working on the gravel area when Kyle came home and he wanted to remove the Yucca plant that had grown  back so he shoveled and dug it out which was a task, but he must have felt better and probably needed to exert himself. After he had completed his task I stayed and continued to pull weeds out of the south side parking strip which was the worse over grown but the grass and weeds were coming up fairly easily just laborious on my part. I had almost finished except for perhaps 5 feet that I would need to spade instead of using my hands so I quit. I was surprised that it was 2 o’clock so I had been at it for 4 hours.

            I put some pinto beans on to cook and later baked some corn bread to go along with them for my supper as there’s not much in the house to eat but reluctant to spend any money until my pension comes in this week.

            I typed a bit more of my 1987 journal from October after cleaning Adrian’s room and making his bed. I changed the sheets on my bed also so it was a tiresome day. Kyle had gone back to bewilder this evening and came home around 8. He said they had a busy night and the kitchen made $1000. He said that Uber Eats made up $200 of that so it seems to be taking off. I went to bed at 9 and slept until I heard Adrian come home. I then gathered up TJ and joined him and he was sad as he had some bad news about his oldest sister who is still in Venezuela who has terminal cancer.

29 April 2024 Monday

I checked my credit union and hallelujah by pension was deposited today. Earlier I went to the story to buy some rice, ice and a few things out of the $100 I had in the checking and also put $15 in the gas at 7-Eleven for at $3.74 a gallon, about a dime to 15 cents cheaper than elsewhere. I had to take Milagros into work as she is working now 10:30 to 4:00 just Monday through Thursday. I also had to take Adrian down to CarMax to have his back windows lock fixed as the car was still under warranty.

            I spent most of the morning working in the front yard, pulling weeds, and making an edge pulling up grass. I had intended to work for most of the day but had to leave to follow Adrian down to 114^th South. We dropped off his car and was almost home when Kyle said that Maria Hernandez said they were all out of hamburger and he wanted me to go to the Chef Store to pick up 10 lbs. Adrian went with me and I bought him some Mango juice that he likes.

            After taking the meat to Bewilder we returned home and Adrian borrowed the car to go visit his sister Johanna. The family is grieving because their oldest sister has terminal cancer and their mother is too sick to go to Venezuela to be with her and the rest of the family is now in the United States and can’t return to South America. It’s a hard time for all them.

            At the house I continued working in the front yard which I mowed and pulled more and more weeds. Luisana and Tutu came by for a little bit to pick up a package that came for Luisana and they looked around admiring my yard and the spring flowers.

            Almost as soon as they left Kyle came home and said that Maria called and said they were out of Mushrooms and she wanted another 10 lbs. of hamburger just to be safe. So off we went again to the Chef Store then to Bewilder and then back home.

            Kyle said for certain he is changing the name of the Soda Shack to Mixx. At home I went back to working the yard until around 7 Kyle was hungry for pasta so back to Lucky’s we went where I bought a few more groceries mainly for the pups ad Adrian.

            I am pooped out so I went to bed around 9 shortly after Adrian finally came home. I slept in my own bed as I could tell that Adrian’s light was on so he wasn’t ready to sleep. I am glad I did because later I was woken when Adrian shut my door to keep the dogs in while he brought some boy home for a romp.

30 April 2024 Tuesday

Well, I am stone broke again. I had $2200 in my checking account but tomorrow $1060 will be pulled out for my mortgage leaving me only $1260. Kyle came home saying he only had about $250 in his Papi’s account but has to pay his $1800 in restitution. I could only let him have $1200 and with his $200 he was still short $400 so I had to ask Adrian to borrow money from him. I borrowed $500 and let Kyle have $400 but kept $100 for me for a cushion so all said and done I only have $160 in my account now until money Kyle says is coming in does arrive on Thursday.

            This morning when I dropped Milagros off, Kyle had me order 60 pounds of hamburger and 40 pounds of Chicken but I have no idea how we will pay for it.

            It’s been a week now since I visited with Tyler Ferguson to have $10,000 pulled from my IRA account and hope it comes in during the next few days. The health inspector came in today and required Kyle to put a drop ceiling in the kitchen and all the workers have to take a food handler permit. Also, the Soda Shack was closed until Kyle puts in a 3 sink in there. There’s so much stuff I have no idea how it will all get taken care of. Oh well.  One day at a time.

            I spent much of the morning until afternoon mowing the back yard that was lush with weeds and grass that had grown from all the rain we have had. It takes nearly 2 hours to mow it as I have to go slow and then back and forth. I also finally cleared out the little resting place I buried Buster and the cremains of the other pups.

            The vile Governor of South Dakota is taking a lot of heat for her admission that she shot her hunting dog. Cricket was a 14 month old puppy when murdered by Kristi Noem who bragged about in a book. Every wonder why psychotic women are attracted to the Republican Party ... i.e. Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Green, Sarah Huckabee, Kari Lake, Nancy Mace,  Kristi Noem... someone should do a clinical study on these females.

            It sounds like the conservative Supreme Court has gone off the rails perhaps granting Trump partial immunity from his actions and delaying his other trials until after the election.

 

 

MAY

1 May 2024 Wednesday

Hallelujah, checking at American First, saw that the $10,000 was placed in my checking account finally so we were able to pay the girls most of their back pay owed and I can get paid back the $1200 I gave Kyle yesterday for his restitution. It was a super busy day with lots of driving around. After fixing breakfast and walking the pups, I had to take Milagros to Bewilder and Adrian down to CarMax on 114,000 South to pick up his vehicle by 11. But when we arrived they said it would be another hour so we went driving around  to find an American First so I could pull out $500 and pay Adrian back the money I borrowed from him. We then went to a Well Fargo ATM where he could deposit the cash back into his account.

            While out driving down Redwood we passed Lulu’s Ovens, which we all worked on last summer and they looked like they were still in business. We had to pass a major wreck in the intersection of 90^th South and Redwood. People drive way to fast in a hurry, probably distracted and this generation is not courteous drivers at all, only looking out for themselves instead of sharing the road.

            Anyway, we were back at CarMax, the back window locks were fixed and I drove home and Adrian left with his car. Kyle wanted me to come by Papi’s so he could figure out what he could pay out of the $10,000in back pay. He decided that we could only $6400 and then still owe $1800 which we could pay off in time. I went to the credit union and withdrew the cash and we paid Maria Hernandez, Maria Jose, Luisana, Milagros, Johanna, Tutu, and Luis Alberto. Friday is payday so they will get paid again on that day.

            Before heading home, I had to pick up 60 lbs. of hamburger and 40 lbs. of chicken for Bewilder and that was $486 right there. I also had to get a case of Romaine Lettuce, and some red cabbage and egg plants for bewilder before I finally could go home for the rest of the day.

            Mike Romero called while I was at home needing me to watch Coco as he goes into have his catheter changed. I told him I would just go with him and take Coco with us rather than be home with her when she would be weirded out his not being there.  He said he had been gone during much of April visiting different camp grounds with his trailer.  I told him how I am a bit concerned about finances due to all of Kyle’s missteps.

            I went to bed early around 8 just worn out and when Adrian came home I went to join him in bed.

2 May 2024 Thursday

I slept really well with Adrian all night, actually dreaming and going into a rem cycle which I rarely do while holding him.  Then I heard the phone ring in the other room around 6:30 and when I went to answer it, Mike Romero called and said he was in pain because his catheter had clogged and asked if I would take him to South Jordan this morning to the clinic of ER there. So, I quickly got dressed picked him and Coco up and hurried down to 106^th South.

            Fortunately, Mike was seen right away in the clinic by the nurse he likes so well  and so he didn’t have to go to the ER which could take hours. I was home by 9 so I could walk the pups, fix Adrian some breakfast, and take Milagros to work.    

I was so weary that I came back home and tried to sleep or at least rest some.

            Part of me was a bit melancholy today as I thought who takes care of me. It feels like I take care of everyone else, Kyle, Adrian, the pups, the South Americans but who takes care of me? Although I truly am grateful that at this age, I am not having to be taken care of but still I am allowed a moment or two of  self-pity.

            Adrian shut my door while I was resting as he had a “romance” come over before he went off to work. Kyle asked me to come down to Papi’s as he had to go to Ogden to get cleaning chemicals for the car wash and Luis doesn’t have the language skills to take information from customers, not that we had any before Kyle returned at 4.

            However, Kyle nearly avoid a car crash on the freeway coming home when a car swerved into his lane and crashed into the car in front of him. Stuff in his car went flying when he hit the brakes and smashed into the passenger side of his windshield cracking it. It’s always something but it could have been much, much worse. Kyle went to Wells Fargo to pull out payroll for tomorrow so I know at least they are being paid tomorrow.

            I was in bed by 8:30 but I heard Kyle leave somewhere around 10 and Adrian never came home last night so I slept with my pups all night.

3 May 2024 Friday

What a horrible mentally and emotionally exhausting day talking Kyle from the brink of Suicide. Kyle had me come down to Papi’s to go to Wells Fargo to have a cashier check for almost $2000 to take to Nicholas Foods out of 5400 West so we could get an order.  I had to add $600 to the Papi’s account to make sure we had enough to cover the check. So, after taking care of that this morning by 10 I came home and called about my car insurance due this month  and my agent said it is too late to stop Horace Mann from taking out a payment on the 8^th which for both vehicles now was $1300! Which was only good until August! So, I couldn’t switch over to Progressive until then. I was depressed because I only had about $700 in the bank after paying my mortgage out of my pension check. Anyway, I called Tyler Ferguson to see if I can still borrow my retirement funds again but he said not after I had it all rolled into one account but he suggested I do a wire transfer instead of an electronic transfer and close out one of my accounts. So hopefully I will have$3500 transferred by Monday or Tuesday.

            I then called Kyle while I was in the parking lot and we had a long talk of why none of his business were making a profit and they just seem to be draining my retirement. I said that perhaps we should close them all down and I will file Bankruptcy. Kyle said that seemed logical and that he’s been a failure and that he thought the best solution would be to kill himself because he was sure if I filed bankruptcy, prosecutors would go after him as a felon and accuse him of criminal behavior and send him back to jail.  He said he was tired of it all and that at 44 years he had a good run and many people who know him would be glad he was gone. He was in the deepest despair and no matter what I said could not dissuade from thinking it would just be best for everyone.

            So, we hung up and I headed back to the house and started to really start to cry uncontrollably. At the house Adrian was finally home, and I went to my bed and sobbed. Kyle said I was stronger than him, which may be so, but I can’t handle any more people I love passing away before me. Adrian wanted to know what was going on as he could tell from my sobbing how distraught I was but all I could tell him was that Kyle was going to kill himself.

            Then I had an incredible urge that if he truly was going to end his life I need to  go to him and hold him at least once more. So, I raced down to Papis and prayed that he was still there and was relieved when I saw the Volvo still there. On the way, it came to me that I had an asset that we hadn’t touched and that was the equity in the house.

            At Papi’s Kyle looked nearly as distraught as I was just no tears, and I told him to shut up and just listen to me. I said the house is worth $400,000 or more and I only owe $155,000 still on it. We can either refinance or take an equity loan or something. It may take a while but it’s funds that are untouched and could be put to use to save the businesses and save Kyle but I didn’t say that.

            I’ve had 28 years of living in this house and had my use out of it. I am going to have to leave it eventually one way or another preferable by death. So, if Kyle and Adrian can get some use out of it, then that is all that matters to me.

            We contacted America First and applied for a Home Equity Loan as well at Utah Credit where I already had a HELOC so perhaps we will be approved. If not we will be in the same boat but at least we are trying.

            I went with Kyle to Emigration Harmons to pick up bratwurst and then after dropping them off we went home so we could rest. I came home first and walked and fed the pups before going to bed. I was emotionally drained. I called Jim McMullin as he had called yesterday. They returned form 12 days in Ireland last Sunday but he said they are still recovering as this trip took more of a toll on them. They even had a 6 hour layover in Atlanta after a 7 hour flight from Ireland.  We talked for a bit and had TJ and him caught up on Kyle’s E Coli bout and Mike ‘s trip to have his catheter changed. I told him that Kyle’s Bismarck Donut business failed and we are struggling a bit but did not go into details.

            While I went to bed early, Kyle went to Bewilder to help out Joanna and Maria as I guess they are there by themselves on A Friday. So that was a very stressful day. A heartbreak day. When Adrian came home he was super tired from work but we briefly visited the best we could. I held him and he said he loved me. What more is there?

            I had a notice that Ancestry.Com that I had for years cancelled my subscription because I didn’t renew my membership but I didn’t have the money. Oh well. I’ve posted nearly 10,000 names on that site for over the years and I suppose it will all still be there even if no one can contact me. It was kind of a sign that perhaps it’s time to join my ancestors.

4 May 2024 Saturday

I am still in a sad state of mind not knowing what the future will bring. I slept pretty soundly with Adrian but was up early around 6:30 to let him sleep. I decided to bring the lawn mower over to Mike Romero’s townhouse to mow his overgrown lawn. It’s not a large space but because of all the rain we have had the dandelions and weeds were about 9inches or more tall. Today was supposed to have been the only good day all week with the rest of the days rainy or cold. 

I mowed twice and it looked better then Mike and I talked about finances. In  many ways I am not all that bad off just right now because of all the expenses with Kyle’s restitution and paying back salaries and my car insurances hitting all at once.

 Still as we talked, I said that I am losing interest in things I used to feel passionate about, genealogy, reading, yard work, the Gay community and entertaining. I said it seems like with so many people I loved gone now, I am just biding my time until it’s my time to join them. I said I feel like at times that I take care of others but no one is there to take care of me.

There’s no one to say it’s all going to work out. I am the one that is always telling others that things will get better but I don’t know any more if they will. I did say that if Trump does get elected again, I will not go through 4 years of that nightmare America.

            Anyway, I came home and Adrian wanted to use the translation ap to know what is really going on with Kyle and the businesses because he didn’t really understand what I said yesterday. I told him how because I wanted to file bankruptcy and Kyle could not as a felon that he was tired of it all and said he wanted to end it all. I said that a solution to the money issues was to try and take out a home equity Loan. I think he understood the reason for it.

            Then he wanted to talk to me about personal matters. I suppose he had been in conversation with his ex-boyfriend from Columbia who wants to get back together with him. Adrian seems open to the idea since he and Kyle are now

divorced. Adrian wants to be in a committed monogamous relationship which he would never have had with Kyle.

            I didn’t understand everything Adrian was typing as things never translate from Spanish to English completely but enough to know that he wants to have this guy come to Salt Lake and perhaps start up again.

            He had to get ready for work and I had told Kyle I would come down to Bewilder to help out washing dishes as they had a big event going on down there today. I was there a little after 1:30 and there were piles and piles of pots and trays and dishes already so they must have been super busy. Only Luisana, Johanna and her husband Jesus Pereira were there and Jesus I think was there primarily to help out. So, I jumped right in and spent over two hours just washing dishes.

            Kyle wasn’t there much as he had a haircut appointment and I don’t know what else not that I cared. I was super tired from mowing this morning and then washing up dishes. Also, I think I was still mentally fatigues. Kyle said Maria Hernandez was coming in to work this evening as it would probably still be busy. He said they made $700 just in a few hours before I arrived and they even had a $100 Uber eats order. So hopefully the kitchen will make perhaps another $700 this evening as nights are more lucrative then the days usually.

            Kyle and I both went home around 4 and I stopped at Smith’s only to buy dog treats because I was out and just because I am broke I didn’t want them to suffer any. At home I walked the pups for their second walk and it was beautiful out over 75 degrees. After feeding them, however, I went to lay down and never got up to even eat anything myself. I am just too weary. I mainly looked on Face book to see what my friends were posting.

            I fell asleep around 8 and woke when Adrian came home. He came into my room to say he was going over to his sister Johana’s who had fixed him dinner.  He kissed my forehead, left and I fell back to sleep in my own bed.

            I guess Utah enacted a bathroom snitch law. “Under HB275, schools, government agencies and other state-run entities are required to contact law enforcement if they receive a complaint or allegation of law-breaking in a state-run “privacy space,” such as a bathroom or changing room.” I thought Democrats were supposed to be the party of jackasses but looks Republicans have us beat... There’s been over 4000 hoax complaints so far.

With all the arrests of student protesters on college campus and Republicans calling to bring in the national guard it reminds me of the Kent State Massacre  that happened on this day in 1970 which may be just a blip for some but if you were in college at the time as I was it was devastating.

 

5 May 2024 Sunday

I was able to walk the pups this morning around 9 but not long afterwards, the rains came along with snow. It snowed enough to cover the ground and roof tops. It was a wet gloomy day and I stayed home as Bewilder was slow because  of the weather. Adrian spent the night with his sister Johanna and didn’t come home until almost noon and then he went off to work so I was alone with the pups for most of the rest of the day and evening. It was not much of a Cinco de Mayo day for sure except I did eat some salsa and chips. Does that count? LOL. I was cold as it was down in the 30’s for some of the day and I went to bed with a heating pad to warm my feet. The pups slept for most of the day because of the rain. I typed up my journal from March 1994 and part of April before calling it a day. When Adrian came home from work I joined him in his bed.

6 May 2024 Monday

It was cold and damp all day but with little rain. I was up at 4:30 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep with Adrian so I got up and made some coffee and straightened up the kitchen before laying down in my own bed with the pups to sleep in for a bit. I only walked the pups once because it was too brisk outside.

Adrian was home for much of the day until around 3 and then he took off and I didn’t see him for the rest of the day. I didn’t have to take anyone to work so I just stayed home and typed up my journal from 1994.

Kyle said large group is committed for Thursday and asked if I would come in to work that evening. He came home around 5:30 and sat in the kitchen to talk about how things are playing out. He still seemed almost resigned to things being bad for a while but we are still hanging on.

America First called and declined my home equity application as I didn’t have enough income they said. I haven’t heard from Utah Credit Union yet. Sometimes I feel like I am courting disaster and at other times I just don’t seem to care anymore and what will be will be. The old Alcoholic Anonymous saying “powerless over people places, and things seem to have come back with renewed meaning.

7 May 2024 Tuesday

Adrian didn’t come home last night so I slept with the pups in my own bed this gloomy morning. It was raining for much of the morning. My stomach is hurting somewhat. Perhaps from stress or an ulcer, who knows? I took Milagros to work this morning and then I went to Papi’s because Kyle wanted to talk about how  to get some money out of the house. I just don’t care much anymore. All I want is Adrian and Kyle to be provided for. I keep expecting my wire transfer to come to America First but it hasn’t yet but my Social Security was deposited so there’s at least money now to cover the $1300 car insurance.

8May 2024 Wednesday

I am so weary of life and worrying about everyone. Adrian’s court hearing was this morning and so Kyle wanted me to be at Papis to staff the place while he went to court. It was a disaster and Adrian hates Kyle for feeling betrayed whether he was or not that is his perception and neither one are able to do anything but act out in hurt. Adrian says he can’t live under the same roof as Kyle and is moving out and wants to return to Columbia. So, the play of being a family is finished and I want to be done with it all also. My heart can’t take it anymore. What is the purpose of going on? I’ve lost so much of my appetite for living as it’s just too stressful. I guess take one day at a time.

            I was down at Papi’s at 8:45 but walked the pups before leaving the house. Adrian was still asleep. Before dawn I joined him in bed and held him for a bit while he slept because I know he had to have been anxious about his court appearance.

At the car wash Kyle was meeting with some people from Ogden about pricing new equipment for the place. He had just left when some guys came in to pick up a U-Haul Trailer that Kyle had forgotten about so he rushed back and to take care of them and also said another person was coming to retrieve a van and he wanted me to do it which made me anxious as I was only quickly shown how and Kyle had to leave to be with Adrian so Kyle expected me to take care of business until he returned. I was nervous the whole time, not even remotely confident about doing all the paperwork necessary to rent a U-Haul.

 At 11 the man came to rent the van he reserved and I was so frustrated but Kyle called and just said the court went bad but I had no time to talk about but just said the man is here to get the van and I can’t figure out what to do. Kyle was only minutes away and came back to actually take care of renting the van.

            Adrian returned shortly afterwards fuming and staring at Kyle and I am oblivious to all that happened. About the time Kyle finished with the U-Haul an actual van pulled in for a car wash. As there was no customer in the office, Adrian and Kyle started shouting at each in Spanish while I just sat there having no clue to why they were so angry except trying to discern their body language and emotions.

            Fearing that Adrian might do something rash because I recognized when he gets into a state, I, almost in tears, was able to have him leave and go home. I wanted to leave also just too weary from the drama but Kyle had me stay because he needed to vent.

            Always caught in the middle I never am quite sure what is the truth.  Adrian prior to his fight with Kyle had used the translation ap to say Kyle betrayed him and he is a liar. However, Kyle said Adrian’s defense attorney and interpreter fucked Adrian over.  Kyle said when the prosecutor met with him she said she wanted Adrian to take a plea in abeyance and take anger management classes which after a year the charges will be dropped. However, what Adrian evidently heard was he needed to plead guilty, which he wouldn’t do so a trial date was set for June 11th!  So, what should have been resolved today has gotten worse with an actual trial.  Adrian thinks that Kyle betrayed him with the prosecutor  office.

            I was incapable of staying any longer without having a complete break down and came home seeing Adrian throwing all his clothes on his bed to move out. He said he could not stay under the same roof as Kyle. He was on his ap and I just sat on the bed with him and let him vent his frustration. The only thing I typed to him was “did they offer him a Plea of Abeyance” but I still don’t think he knew what that means. I was exhausted emotionally and mentally and said I had to go lie down in my own room.

            That is why the overwhelming feeling of depression swept over me and I thought I just want to be away from all this dreary world.

            Adrian did go off to work, which I thought was a responsible sign that he was calming down to be rational again but my head and heart was still too weary for words.  Nevertheless, the pups need to be tended to so I walked them and also went to Lucky’s to buy some chicken thighs to cook for their supper. This is the first time in months may be all year that I actually had to buy meat for the pups again.

            Then in the late afternoon I get a phone call from Security Beneficial wanting me to confirm that I wanted a transfer to America First so they hadn’t even began the process and said it would take two or three days when I thought it would have been sent by now as a wire transfer.  I sent Kyle a message that the money wouldn’t be in anytime soon this week and might not be in until Monday. I also said to go ahead and accept the offer for cash for a portion of interest in the house. What do I care anymore?

            Kyle said he and Adrian had been texting all afternoon and said that he sent a strongly worded message to Adrian’s attorney that Adrian must not go to trial but who knows what will happen.

            After feeding the pups I just took to my bed having no interest in doing anything else, when Kyle came home around 6:30 and came into my room. He first told me where we stood financially for the week and while it will be tight we should be able to squeak by with payroll, food costs, and paying rent except for Papis. He wants me to do tomorrow the same as last week about getting a cashier check from Wells Fargo to take out to Nichols.

Then we actually had the more serious conversation about Adrian, him, and me. He felt like I coddle Adrian and take his side over Kyle’s and that Kyle was the victim of the assault. Adrian earlier while I was with him said that I always take Kyle’s side and always would. I thought what the fuck.

Kyle even thinks that Adrian and I are fucking at night when I go sleep with him. I was almost in tears saying that Adrian sees me as his grandfather and we do nothing but hold each other and comfort each other. I said I would do the same for you if you would ever let me but you won’t or ever will.  I said I coddle Kyle the only way I know how and that is to always support him financially in all his misadventures.

            I said how weary I am of taking care of everyone else and he said he too has thought of killing himself by hanging which he researched was the best way to do it. He shattered my dream of just asphyxiating myself in the car as he said that modern cars don’t make that possible anymore.  I think that news crushed me more than anything else because I thought that was my option to exit like Kathy Worthington did so many years ago.

            We went back and forth for nearly two hours truly venting our feelings about how hard we work and we have nothing to show for it. I said the only thing that has ever mattered to me in my life was relationships and it kills my soul each time one ends and I am shattered knowing that Adrian may leave and return to Columbia. I said I love both of you and only want after I am gone for you both to have some security with the house.  I said the only person I have to depend upon is Kyle  as there is no one else, not Michael Romero, not Adrian, not any of my blood family just Kyle. I told him that if he did kill himself before me I would have no one left.

            I told him about having gone through being arrested and the judge holding jail over my head for nearly 6 months making me go to Dr. Robert Card fearing the whole time I would lose my job as a teacher. I told him about losing pay when businesses I worked for reneged on wages. So, I know what it is to be poor. I said I know I have a controlling nature and that is a defect that I think I have to fix everything and perhaps I have a post traumatic syndrome about being poor and struggling to not be homeless.

            Finally exhausted, we hugged and I went to bed. What else could I do?

9May 2024 Thursday

It was an extremely different day than from yesterday, although Adrian didn’t sleep at the house. Kyle needed me up early before 9 so I could go me to go to Wells Fargo to have a cashier check made out for $1800 to bring to Nicholas food supply out on 54thWest. That was for what was owed plus enough for a small order for supplies for Bewilder.

Then he had me go to America First and Utah Credit Union to get the most recent Mortgage statement and Heloc Statement for the company which we are applying for cash  out of the house.

When that was all said and done  I had to go back out to Nicholas to pick up the order and bring it to Bewilder. Milagros called in sick so only Maria was there so I brought all the supplies in and stocked them.

Then Milagros showed up from going to the clinic, and asked if I would take her to the Emergency Room as she was in intense abdominal pain. After making sure she was in a room and being seen by a doctor, I left to go back on home to rest and take care of the pups. I fed them early so I could be back down at Bewilder at 5 to help out with the private catered event tonight.

Kyle had an appointment with Dr. Stoneburner as a follow up on his E-Coli and had his ear irrigated from a chunk of ear wax.

At Bewilder there were Maria who came in for Milagros, Johanna and Jesus Pereira as well as Luisana to work the kitchen for the event. I learned while there that Milagros’ results showed she had appendicitis and would have to be operated on.

            The event began at 7 and my main responsibility was to ladle tomato soup and Beer-cheese sauce and otherwise it was a banquet style and people helped themselves. It was a younger in their 20’s crowd mostly and while not actually rude kind of abrupt with me. Oh well as long as we were paid. 

I stayed until 8:30 and Kyle had already gone up to the U of U to help answer questions about insurances and other issues for Milagros. Luis Alberto and Tutu were already in the room when he got there and Milagros went into surgery which didn’t take long to remove her appendix. I was home when Kyle was calling me how the operation went.

            I was fatigued from the day’s running errands and standing on my feet so I went to bed at 10 but had a very restless sleep. When I thought Kyle was upstairs I got up to find out about Milagros but actually it was Adrian who came home. I just went back to bed to face the next morning.

10 May 2024 Friday

Another busy morning. I guess I shouldn’t complain. I could be living alone puttering around the house and yard as a hermit.

Kyle called me about 9:20 and needed me to go get oil for the fryers and then down to Papis by 10 because he had to take a proctored test to be a food manager. So, I raced down to the chef store, bought the oil, delivered it to the dock at Bewilder and then raced down to Papis just a few minutes after 10.

Kyle had to seclude himself for the test so I had to work the desk and there was a truck wash and a U-Haul rental but fortunately Kyle was finished doing the U-Haul.

My money hadn’t been wired to my account yet and I thought I would be okay until Kyle said he needed $550 to add to payroll of $2800 and even then Luis Alberto was only going to be paid half until Monday. Kyle is banking on that the money will come Monday, if not we are in a real pickle.

Also, the mortgage and Heloc statements I had gotten yesterday were not what the money lender wanted exactly so besides pulling out money from America First I also had to get a complete Mortgage statement and the HELOC, from Utah First Credit Union, had to be redone.

So, I went to the Pioneer Branch of First America at 18^th South because the downtown one is crap, then I drove to the Wells Fargo’s branch on 7^th South and Redwood to pull out the $2800 in cash then I drove into downtown back to the Utah First Credit Union branch on South Temple and 2^nd East. There they were having trouble with their printer giving me the complete form I needed. So, they sent it to me via an email with it attached.

However, when I returned to Papis and pulled up the email they only sent one page instead of two! So, Kyle called their 800 number which turned out to be completely useless as a it was a call center in India and couldn’t connect us to a real person here. Ugh Maddening. However, Kyle opened up an outline account for me which I never had and he was able to retrieve what we needed finally. If we would have done that it the first place it would have saved so much running around.

            I was exhausted and it was after two o’clock before I was able to come back to the house and walk the pups which I hadn’t been able to this morning. Before coming home, I bought some more chicken thighs, some eggs, rice, and bread. I am buying like a poor person. Then I took a long nap. Last night I was up and down restless.

When I was up after 5, I straightened up Adrian’s room some, fed the pups and then Kyle came home. I only have about $300 in the bank now and checking my bills the water bill is due on the 12^th and that’s $95.  I am at the point I don’t care much anymore.

            Milagros is recovering from her surgery and Luisana spent the night at the hospital with her so everyone is tired.

11May 2024 Saturday

Adrian was busy last night as he had a “guest” over around 3 in the morning as the dogs barking woke me. He’s a young man with needs.

I managed to continue to sleep until 7 and then went and laid down with Adrian for about a half hour to hold him before Taco scratching at the door prompted me to get up and start the day.

At 10:30 Kyle came up and asked if I wanted to go with him to get cat food for Persephone, check on Bewilder to see if they needed anything, and get a Dr. Pepper. I knew he wanted me with him or he wouldn’t have asked so I went.

Johana and Luisana said everything was good there so we got a Dr. Pepper and went to Target to get Persephone her food. Kyle also said he wanted to start taking his lunches to Papis and asked if I would make him some Chili Verde burritos. So, we stopped at Smith’s first, and then I had him take me to Lucky’s where I knew the pork would be cheaper. We are on a budget for sure.

At Lucky’s meat counter I wished the lady there Happy Mother’s day even though it’s tomorrow and she was sweet and I guess appreciative as she gave us an extra half pound of pork without charging any more than the pound and a half we requested. It pays to be nice.

            So anyway, back home I started making my chili Verde  and also some banana bread. Yesterday I mashed up all the bananas that Adrian had let go over ripe. However, I didn’t have any brown sugar until this morning when I took a cup from Bewilder.

            Afterwards I was home for the rest of the day in the kitchen cooking and baking and typing of my 1994 journal.

Maria Hernandez left me a message last night wondering if Michael Romero could help her with some furniture she had bought by using his truck. However, by the time I saw the message today she had resolve it and Michael was up camping near Willard Bay as it was in the 70’s today.

            When Adrian came home around 5:30 to eat his dinner at the house, the chili Verde was done and so was the banana bread so he ate a little of both. Kyle came up from his room to visit with Adrian and at one point Adrian wanted me to join them as they discussed their future living arrangements in the house. As always I only get parts and pieces of what is discussed but I think the gist is that Adrian said he was not leaving again, that he wants to concentrate on work and bringing his mother here and not getting involved in another relationship.

However, his old boyfriend Juan Pablo is coming to Utah next week to see Adrian. Kyle said he was fine with that but didn’t want to meet him.  I said that as both of them going on to be involved with others I mainly a concern that they realize this is both their homes and we are family.

Adrian went back to work and I made four chili verde burritos with black beans in separate containers for Kyle’s lunches next week. He said that he’s taking Adrian and his sister Johana and Jesus Pereira to see the Northern Lights after everyone gets off work.  The Aurora Borealis is supposed to be seen this far south.

            So that is the drama for today. I am still really stressed that my money won’t be deposited on Monday but I have to remember I am powerless over people places and things. I have no control over when the money will come. It’s been a week since I requested it and it was supposed to been faster with a wire transfer.

 

12 May 2024 Sunday

Today is Mother’s Day but all I have are memories of loved ones. I guess Kyle, Adrian, Johana and Jesus Pereira went as far as Brigham City to see the northern lights but missed out on seeing any and they didn’t come home until 3 in the morning and Adrian and Kyle stayed up until 4 so I was the only one up this morning. I cooked some spaghetti up for Kyle to take with him this week for his lunches. I fixed Adrian a breakfast burritos which he took with him as he was so late getting up and going to work. Besides walking the pups the only time I left the house was to go with Kyle to get a Dr. Pepper at Common Cents which he hadn’t together in months. I was surprised how warm it was after it had been so cool last week. My irises are almost ready to bloom and my California poppies have flowered and I even have a bloom on one of my Oriental Poppies. I should be working outside in the yard but I am kind of paralyzed emotionally by worries about my funds being available tomorrow. So, I stayed inside all day working on reconstructing much of my November 1994 journal. It was a tough time for me as Michael Romero while living with me decided to play the field and sow his wild oats. I went to bed this evening and watched the last episodes of Season 7 of Young Sheldon where they wrapped the show up and the show ended with the family hearing the news that the dad died of a heart attack. It had to end that way to be consistent with the plot lines of the Big Bang Theory which Young Sheldon was based upon however it still was sad.

13 May 2024 Monday

Just as I had a nagging fear, the money I requested over a week ago was not deposited today and it’s all screwed up. The bottom line was that Security Beneficial sent all my money I had requested, the $4,000 to Fidelity instead of to American First.  I got a hold of Tyler Ferguson my financial advisor and told him my problem and he got right on it to figure out what went wrong. The bottom line again is that it might be Wednesday or later before I see any money. Well, there’s nothing more I can do but wait for the money so I went to Papis to bring Kyle his spaghetti lunch he had forgotten when he left for work and told him what is going on with my money situation. Anyway, the company that is going to lend us money wanted the complete HELOC payoff amount and after Kyle downloaded and sent that off, the company is sending out an appraiser tomorrow.

            Kyle said he had the girls at Bewilder do a deep cleaning and wanted me to go down there to check on the meat situation and what the kitchen looked like. Johanna, Maria, and Luisana were all there and they had cleaned the vents over the fryers and stoves by washing them in two large tubs of perhaps 100 gallons or more. After checking on the meat situation and ordering some more Brats from Harmons, I decided I had to help the girls who were working so hard but emptying the bins of greasy water. It took me an hour and a half baling out buckets of water and hauling them 100 feet to the garbage bins to dump the liquid one trip at a time. The buckets weighed anything from 5 to 10 lbs. and lifting them up to pour over the side of the bin was challenging for this 73 year old man. I sometimes amaze myself what I can still do physically at my age but I did it mainly to help out the girls all 40 to 30 years younger than me.

Then when I finished Kyle said he needed $114 to have to some money he had today from the truck wash to pay the MIXX which I notice the driveway to it was all under construction. So, I went to America First and pulled out $120 which after paying my water bill of $95 I doubt whether I had more than $20 left at the Credit Union. I was afraid to look because what good would it do at this point. I also went to the Chef Store and bought Maria some dish washing soap because she was almost out.

When I came back to Bewilder the delivery guys from Nicholas came back saying they need to collect payment on the order that they had delivered earlier. They said they needed cash or a cashier check or they would have to take it all back. My anxiety went through the roof and I called Kyle and then had the men talk to him. Evidently Kyle left the money in the office of over $1200 which he had told Luisana but evidently she didn’t understand at the time the guys came back for payment. I have no idea where Kyle came up with the money.

So, after that I came home and walked the pups again before calling it a day. After feeding the pups I went and laid down in my bed when Kyle came home. He visited a bit about a catered event this Wednesday of about 30 people and a possibly bigger event that Bewilder Brewing is having in the Parking Lot with a grunge band. Hopefully what he gets paid this week and what my money will do will get us through another week.

When Adrian came come he and Kyle sat and visited in the kitchen all in Spanish. It seemed amicable so I just went to bed. John Cunningham died on this day in 2007. He was 56 years old. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t think of him even briefly.

14  May 2024 Tuesday

I heard  from Tyler Ferguson and the good news is that  my IRA was deposited today in Fidelity and the bad news is that it will take at least 5 five working days before I can access it which will be next Monday. Tyler said Security Beneficial said they put a stop payment on the $4000 sent to Fidelity and will do a Wire Transfer but the earliest it can be will be Friday if then I went down to Papis to explain to Kyle what is happening and we sat down and discussed how much money is needed weekly to pay wages and food costs and what is need at the first of the month for all the rents due on the Mixx, Papis, and Bewilder. If we can just hang on until my money comes through I think we may be okay however the landlord for Papis is demanding back rent due this Thursday or we will have to vacate. So he is stressed over that as he owes $6600.

15 May 2024 Wednesday

I joined Adrian in his bed sometime after 1 in the morning and he needed to be held and pampered so I did. I had to bring Taco and TJ with me because hey fuss when they are not with me. I was up several times having to pee so finally after about 5 I left and went back to my own bed and left Adrian sleep

My Microsoft document program on my computer is acting up and I worked this morning trying to save my documents. That is worrisome. I went down to Papis because I thought Kyle needed me to bring a check to Bewilder for Nicholas Foods but I didn’t see the message that he had already done it

He asked me if I would pull out the two huge coolers in the garage so he could use them this Saturday for the Grunge Event at Bewilder. So, I spent the entire morning and afternoon not only doing that but organizing all the crap that Kyle had left from his construction business.

I also cleaned beneath the stairs to organize that so we could access it. I did that because I wanted to get the booster seats for Maria Hernandez, who are just sitting down there.

Adrian took today off, which surprised me, and when I talked to him e decided that he was not going to get back together with Juan Pablo but was going to stay here and make a life with us. Or at least  think that is what he said.

Kyle called and said that he had $300 I cash sales at Papis  and tonight he said Bewilder made $1300 and that Milagros felt well enough to go in to work.

Kyle and Adrian went grocery shopping because I had no money to get anything and they brought back probably a good $100 or more of goods that I can fix for Adrian. I finished cleaning the garage which really needed to be done and Adrian and Kyle sat at the kitchen table talking in Spanish so I just finished putting groceries away and doing the dishes before heading to bed. Except for only have about $50 to my name all in all it was a good day. Adrian went down stairs to sleep with Kyle

16May 2024 Thursday

I went in this evening to help out with a small catered event. It was nothing like last time and the mostly middle aged business men were so much more appreciative then that last younger crowd we catered.  I gave Maria Hernandez the two booster seats for her boy while I was there. Otherwise, I just stayed home because what else can I do until my money comes in.  I did a little yard work and swept out the gutter in from of the house from the Hawthorne Tree that drops all its berries over the winter. I hope Kyle was able to pay his rent from Papis today. I didn’t ask anything because not much I can do about it. Kyle and Adrian have been sleeping together again. I am not sure what is up with that but mind my own business and glad they aren’t fighting.

17May 2024 Friday

What an anxiety producing day. Kyle had to come up with $6,800 in back rent and late fees for Papi’s as he was served with an eviction notice by the slum land lord if it wasn’t paid today and he only had about $4500. So, we went on line and found a quick loan outfit that approved only $600 so Kyle asked me to ask Adrian to borrow $1700.  I absolutely hated doing that or losing the business. My fucking wire transfer money didn’t come in which would have saved us some grief so now it will be probably Monday.  Adrian agreed to loan us the money as I said I would pay him back next week as soon as I could.

            So, I had to go to First America to withdraw the $600 and add it to Adrian’s money at Wells Fargo and have a cahiers check made for the total amount of back rent. At each transaction I was a nervous wreck afraid something would go wrong but finally around 3 I was able to bring the check to Kyle.

Besides all that we had to but hamburger meat and brats for Bewilder so now we are actually cashed out. I have around $36 left in all my accounts at First America which I have never been that low before without a line of credit or visa as a backup.

            While I was running around Kyle said the Appraiser valued the house at $478,000 and we would be loaned $108,000 if nothing shows up on the title which it shouldn’t. The company estimated that in 10 years when a balloon payment is due and the house has to be refinanced the value of the house could be as high as $750,000. Well, I won’t be around to have to deal with it. I hope.

While at Papis Kyle said that Adrian is not going to get back with Juan Pablo and instead they are going to try and begin anew. Kyle said that he will be faithful to Adrian this time. That surprised me but I am happy  they are trying to salvage their relationship. Kyle pretended to me that he didn’t have feelings for Adrian any more but I always saw through that and that is why I wanted Adrian home.

            Michael Romero has been camping at Echo Reservoir camp ground all week so I went and took the lawn mower back to the house and mowed the front yard. I was way too tired to attempt the backyard.  I did cut some pink roses from the backyard to put in Adrian’s room. That rose bush is older than Adrian as I planted it in 1996 and Adrian was born in 1997.

18May 2024 Saturday

Kyle needed me to go to Harmons downtown and buy some original sausages as he was worried he might not have enough for the Wort Tour of Punk bands playing in the parking lot.

 

19 May 2024 Sunday

It was a stay at home day as with only $5 in the bank not much else I can do until see what happens tomorrow. Kyle stayed home I noticed also. Todd Dayley sent me a message saying he donated all the back issues of the Pillar to the Marriott Library. Good for him. I spent some time trying to recover photos of the collection of portraits of people that I had saved for my Day In Gay History site. I couldn’t locate them for the longest time. Oh well.

20 May 2024 Monday

I knew in my gut that something was wrong with the wire transfers and I was right. Around 11 the morning was still not in my account and America First informed me shouldn’t increase my credit card or line of credit. Kyle asked if I’d bring down his food he had forgotten and some drinks and while there I called Security Beneficial and they said my account had been closed and the remaining money sent to Fidelity and that there wasn’t a wire transfer as they had told Tyler Ferguson. Kyle then opened by Fidelity account and saw that Beneficial had sent the money to Fidelity on the 14^th and it had been reinvested into stocks rather than sent to America First. Also, we saw no wire transfer request from Tyler. So, Kyle and I agreed to have Fidelity trade some stocks to get $10,000 transferred to America First. The person we spoke with said they could have the stocks sold today so the money should be available to be wired tomorrow morning.  So that is how I spent my morning and early afternoon.  We need to pay back wages as well as food costs as soon as the money comes in. At home I contacted Tyler and told him what we did and he said that he would initiate the wire transfer as soon as possible.          Otherwise, it was a rather rainy day.

 

 

21 May 2024 Tuesday

The good news is that the money came in at noon however it was quickly spent. Kyle came up this morning at 7:30 to call Fidelity as he was so anxious about the wire transfer. He wanted to do it himself as he said he didn’t trust Tyler Ferguson but I said no as I trusted Tyler to do it so it wouldn’t be screwed up. I understood Kyle’s anxiety and I was anxious also until I checked First America at noon and the money had been wired. So, I called Kyle and said I was on my way to Papis. We owed between wages and paying Adrian back nearly $5800 plus a $1000 Kyle wanted for the depleted Wells Fargo Account.

            So, I went to the Pioneer Branch of America First and withdrew 67 $100 bills. Kyle screwed up and wrote for me to with draw 20 $50 bills instead on 2 that he should have written on the sheet he gave me on how much to withdraw. Later I was able to put back $900 of it. I never have had that much money in my hands in my life but I was relieved that everyone were paid their past wages from last week.  We had enough to make an order from Nicholas foods also.  So, two major hurdles were accomplice, paying the back rent on Papis, and back wages. Hopefully now we will be caught up and Kyle can stay caught up and I can go back to living on my monthly salary.

            This morning around 9 Johanna Pereira came over to the house to see Adrian but he was sound asleep downstairs. I had to wake him as I couldn’t understand what she needed. However, she left before he was dressed. Evidently he was supposed to have gone to the gym this morning but he was too tired.

            Adrian has been sleeping with Kyle for the past several days and not upstairs but when we visited later, he said that he has affection for Kyle but his true love was still Juan Pablo who he has resigned to let go so he could build a life here. He also said he preferred sleeping with me as I cuddle him than with Kyle who doesn’t but he is resigned to make things work out with Kyle however I think Kyle really broke Adrian’s heart and trust which may never return. 

When I came back home from doing all the financial transactions I started typing up June 1987 from my journal when Adrian shut my door to keep the pups in my room as he was having a gentleman caller over. I am always surprised that his trysts are usually no longer than a half an hour at most and usually shorter. Adrian knows I will keep his dalliances a secret from Kyle even though Kyle told me that he doesn’t care who Adrian fucks as long as he doesn’t know and Adrian lives here. So, for now there seems to be peace between the two of them and they went out for ice cream this evening. All I want is us to be a family.

22 May 2024 Wednesday

Finally, a day when I didn’t have to clean up anyone’s messes but my own. I stayed home almost all day and just typed up my Journal from June 1987. Reading about my exploits from 37 years ago is like reading about an entirely different person than me. I was about half the age that I am now. Adrian went back to work today and Kyle was at Papis so I was home alone for most of the day> I only ventured out to walk the pups twice and once to go get some hot chocolate mix for my morning coffee. I was out all this morning and I am so addicted. However, I went first to the Dollar Tree next to Lucky’s and I was shocked how empty shelves were and how trashy the place was with litter all over the floor, which didn’t seem to prevent the dozens of shoppers. They didn’t have any hot chocolate on the shelves and I didn’t want to wait in line to but the few cleaning supplies I was going to get so I just went to Lucky’s bought my hot chocolate and then over to Common Cents to get some gas. I was down to a quarter of a tank but gas had dropped to $3.55 from a high a few weeks ago of almost $4 so I thought I better fill up before prices jump again for Memorial Day Weekend. When Kyle came home around 7 he said he will need me tomorrow to take some money out of Wells Fargo and put it in the America First Visa to make a Nicholas food order. Nicholas will take a credit card so I won’t have to make a cashier check and take it all the way out to them to make a payment.  So that basically was my day.

23 May 2024 Thursday

It’s always some god damn thing. This morning Kyle had me pull out 2300 from Wells Fargo to put in to America First’s credit card to pay off Nichols and have an order. Then this afternoon he had me go down to Wells Fargo to pull out Payroll of $3900 from the Vibe account only to find out that the Bankruptcy court frozen the assets in that account and we can’t access them! The bankruptcy court doesn’t have us scheduled until June 4^th I think so that is the soonest that money would be released. Hind sight is everything but Kyle screwed up filing on Vibe Faktory too soon. I said we will have to do another trade with Fidelity to get the money to make payroll but trading for the day closed so the earliest we can do it will be in the morning. Monday is a holiday so it will be Tuesday at the earliest that we can have the money wired to my account. I fucking hate this shit. We were supposed to be fine after getting the $10,000 last Tuesday.   So, everyone will have to wait again and not get paid tomorrow.  On top of that I have nearly $1100 due in bills on the 25^th and I only have $900 in the bank. I won’t get a pension check until the 31^st.  If HomeTap doesn’t come through then I don’t know what we will do.

24 May 2024 Friday

I went down to Papis by 8 to be with Kyle while we made a trade with Fidelity for $4500 to cover payroll however the money won’t be transferred until Tuesday because of the Memorial Day holiday. Kyle did give me $300 to cover the $1100 in bills which will be due tomorrow. Kyle wanted me to ask Adrian to borrow $3100 so we could do payroll today  but when Adrian came home from spending the night with his sister Johana, he was really sad and despondent over his older sister’s imminent death in Venezuela from cancer. The whole family is like on a death watch. Adrian didn’t have the money like Kyle thought he did as he had just wired yesterday over $3000 or more to Venezuela to help with his families expenses as that everything down there is so expensive. So, I told Kyle he is going to just tell everyone that the soonest he can pay anyone will be Tuesday when the money is wired into my account at America First. I am so weary of all this as I am sure he is but it’s mostly his own doing expanding too fast taking over that Bismarck fiasco.  I stayed home  after Adrian left for work and typed up my journal from July 1987. I am escaping into the past but with the heartache that Billy Bikowski was inflicting n me at the time. It wasn’t much of an escape.

25 May 2024 Saturday

I woke up to rain this morning. It cleared enough for me to walk the pups around ten but by noon we had a really hard rain again with hail even. Adrian and Kyle weren’t up until almost noon and I fixed them some breakfast mostly scrambled eggs. It was so chilly this morning that I had a  bowl of malt o meal which I haven’t had in quite a while. I mainly finished typing up July 1987 which took all day. It was a fun summer in a lot of ways as I was 36 and quite active and went to the old in Between a lot being pulled into the above ground pool on the patio by naked guys. I was drunk a lot that month going through the heart break of Billy Bikowski who I was obsessed with. Anyway, the only other excitement was the little white dog that was in the house visiting last year came in again and I had to shoo him out of the yard and told him to go home since now I know where she lives. I am such a meanie. Adrian went off to work and Kyle when he came home around 5 we went and got a little Caesar Pizza, not that either one of us were very hungry but psychologically we had something to eat in the house. He later said that the kitchen was busy last night and today while it had been really slow earlier so he said we should have a good showing after all which was a relief to him I know. I cut some roses and put fresh ones in Adrian’s room although he has slept mainly downstairs with Kyle for over a week now. I am not in the least bit jealous. I am fine to sleep with the pups in my own bed or sleep with Adrian when he needs a cuddle. It’s just incomprehensible to me how many Republicans support trump over the Constitution...it’s like they want an authoritarian state where the white country club elites decide for everyone one else. Trump is what happens when 1 percent of the country own more wealth than the 50 percent of the rest combined. Trumps supporters are proving the Uber rich are above the law. What worries me  the most is how the Electoral College can be rigged as it was in 2016.  Hillary Clinton won the popular vote by 3 million yet lost to trump...the same can happen in 2024 if people don’t vote blue. 50,000 people in swing states could decide for 350 million Americans what kind of nation we will have in the 21^st Century. Alito on the Supreme court flew treason flags at his two homes blaming them on his wife and Clarence Thomas’ wife is a known January 6^th traitor. So much for the impartiality of the Supreme Court

 

26 May 2024 Sunday

Another do nothing day as I am carefully monitoring the money until Tuesday hopefully when the trade comes in. I stayed in my room typing up August 1987 and only went out to walk the pups, buy some groceries for the pups, and go to Bewilder a couple of times with Kyle. In the evening around 8 we had to go to Smith’s and buy 20 lbs. of hamburger for $60 as the kitchen ran out. Evidently it was a much busier weekend than Kyle anticipated, which is good but hard when we have no cash reserves. I paid for the meat with the little bit I have left. What else can you do?

 I went to bed kind of early around 9:30 but was just reading Face book post when I heard the doorbell ring and the dogs go crazy barking at 10. I was not about to find out what that was all about. All my friends know better than coming to the house at that time of night unlike back in 1987 when I had friends dropping in at my apartment at all hours just to visit. Those days are long gone.

27 May 2024 Monday

It’s Memorial Day but without any money, it’s just another day. Adrian is now working for Lyft as a 2^nd job. I finished typing up August 1987 and it nearly wore me out. I went to bed early to take a nap at 7:30 and woke up at 8:30 and then couldn’t go back to sleep until well after midnight. I mowed the back yard again. Carlos Bahena is having concrete poured between his property and mine, and it was a warm Spring day in the high 70’s. Gas prices are falling to $3.35, which seems strange as they usually are high over a travel holiday. I paid just $3.55 the other day.  Typing up my 1987 journal has transported me back in time for sure. I forgot to mention that Kyle said that Hometap approved our application so it’s just a matter of weeks before the money will be available after it’s been notarized

28 May 2024 Tuesday

Well finally the $4500 was deposited into my America Credit Union so the workers could all get paid from last Friday. That was the main relief I had. Kyle said he was able to get Bewilders billing transferred from Vibe Faktory to Kitchen Operators so hopefully there will be no more attachments by the bankruptcy court. Today is Adrian’s day off but he was gone for much of this very warm May day. It reached 90 they said.  When Kyle came home he said that Papi really had a busy day and that the kitchen was doing well also. We can only hope.

29 May 2024 Wednesday

When Adrian came home after midnight, he slept upstairs instead of down with Kyle so I climbed into bed with him, gave him a good massage because he said he couldn’t sleep, which he did afterwards. I brought TJ and Taco with me and we all slept through the night.

Kyle needed me to come to Papi’s at 9 this morning to make some changes to where the Bewilder and Mixx accounts go since Vibe Faktory is closed due to bankruptcy. While there I spent about two hours pulling weeds and cleaning up the blacktop in front of the business  so it doesn’t look so shabby as weeds had grown up in the cracks of the asphalt. How a place looks is important I think, kind of like curb appeal. Besides I hate a place that looks weedy. I guess it’s the farmer genes in me.

I came home about noon tired out but the place did look better but I still need to do some more tomorrow. Adrian went off to work and I worked on my journal from September when the IRS put a levy on my wages at Utah Title for Taxes. Billy Bikowski was then the love of my life and he was being really awful using my love to have me take care of him but he never reciprocated taking care of me. I know now he mentally was not capable as he could barely take care of himself.

When Kyle came home he said his back was really sore but didn’t know what caused it. He said that Luis and him were able to install the sink into the Mixx so it’s one more step to being reopened.

He felt like having a MOD’s pizza for supper and so we went to Wood Cross where he bought one for both him and Adrian who came home during his break. I wasn’t hungry.

While we were picking up the Pizza the girls called and said they were running out of avocadoes so Kyle ran into Smith’s where K-Mart used to be and bought a bunch. I said I would bring them to Bewilder so he could eat his pizza with Adrian.

 At Bewilder the parking lot was filled for trivia night so I hoped the kitchen was busy. While there Luisana said that they were using the last 5lbs of hamburger. When I returned home, Adrian had eaten and already went back to work and Kyle was in his room. I said I would go and get hamburger for the kitchen as Kyle just wanted to rest his back. 

At Smiths I saw that the 5 lb. hamburger logs were still listed as $15 so I bought 4 of them. When I rang them up, however, they rang up at $20 each. Evidently someone forgot to remove the sale price that ended yesterday but I insisted that I get it at the sale price. I was still mad they cheated me out of $20 over that gas fiasco a few months back.  However, I had to go to customer service, had to have the store manager come over but I was firm that they give me the sale price which they did. However, the customer service lady screwed up and put back on the debit card for 5 logs not the 4 that I bought, so $25 was put back on the card. It took me nearly 20 minutes to get it resolved before I took the hamburger down to Bewilder.

The parking lot was still full at 8 so I hope they had a  good night. I wasn’t home until almost 8:30 and then just typed up some more of my journal. It was after Adrian came home that I went to bed. In the news the jury for Trump’s hush money trial has gone into deliberation.

30 May 2024 Thursday

I slept with Adrian for much of the night before getting up and taking care of the pups before going down to Papi’s to finish weeding and making the parking lot not look so trashy and weedy. I was there for about two hours before coming home to relax and type some. About 1:30 Kyle called me to tell me some news that this man from Old Hickory Shed approached him about using the parking lot to place some sheds that Kyle would get a commission when they sold. the man just wanted to use the location  and Kyle wouldn’t have to do any more than he does with U-Haul. I said see cleaning up the front was a good thing. Then he gave me the bad news. Since he switched the Bewilder account from Vibe Faktory to Kitchen Operators the company that processes the payments was going to hold up this week payment for a couple of weeks. I was so pissed that there wasn’t enough money for payroll again. First it was the bankruptcy court and now it’s the accounting company. I said I can’t stand not having the employees getting paid with rents due this weekend so I said to do another trade from Fidelity for $4500 because he also has to pay his restitution tomorrow. The money will eventually be released but is just being held up. He also said he talked to Adrian’s lawyer and prosecutor to get Adrian’s charges dropped from Domestic Violence to just disorderly conduct if he takes a plea deal.  So that is the crap that happened today. Fortunately, my pension was deposited today. Today is Tutu’s 17^th birthday and the family celebrated when everyone came home from work but I stayed home and went to bed.

31 May 2024 Friday

When Adrian came home he peeked into my room and then went to his room. So, I got up and crawled into bed with him to massage his feet which he loves and it makes me happy to do it. He is on feet all day so I know it feels good for them to be massaged as well as the rest of him. When he fell asleep I took TJ and went back to my own bed to sleep until 7 when I was up.

I made an appointment yesterday to have TJ, Taco, and Maxx’s nails clipped which were way overdue. So, I went to Wasatch Springs Vet over on beck Street and spent $60 having the pups nails done. Now I need to get Lulubelle groomed.

After that I went to Papi’s as the money had come into my credit union. I needed to get the amounts from Kyle and then went to the Pioneer Branch. I avoided the woman I went to last time that took forever to retrieve the money and went to another teller who had it all done for me in 5 minutes. What a difference. Back at Papi’s Kyle was signing a contact with Homestead so I waited until they were finished. Then Kyle and I divvied up the pay between Yolanda, Luis, Milagros, Johana, Luisana, and Maria.

Leaving there I went to my Vietnamese barber as I was way over due for a haircut. That was $32 with a tip. Oh well 4 years ago you couldn’t even get a haircut at all.  

Adrian is so cute. He closes my door and puts the dogs in my room whenever he has a boy come over. He says don’t tell Kyle, and I said to him you never have to tell me that, as I will never tell Kyle what you do in private. This is your home and you and Kyle are divorced. 

When Kyle came home we had to go put $900 in my credit union to cover his restitution that is always due at the end of the month. Visiting he said that he didn’t expect the shed deal to go through because they want to do a background check on him and once they find out he’s a felon they will probably not do business with him. Republicans want to elect a felon but to not do business with one I suppose.

We also had to go get some house salad, butter, and Swiss cheese for Bewilder but after that he we were home for the rest of the evening.

May was a very tough month with Kyle depleting most of my pension and social security funds leaving me with very little to live on. He owed his restitution, back rent on Papi’s, salaries, and Nicholas food service. Without tapping into my IRS, he never would have survived the month financially. I hadn’t ever been this poor in almost 35 years. I can’t and won’t go through this again.

I heard bits and pieces of the convicted felon Republican candidate's Press Conference in which he took no question from the press like any would be  dictator where he claimed there was no hush money that it was a legitimate reimbursement to his lawyer and yet nowhere did he admit wrong doing for having  sex with a prostitute while his trophy wife Melania was pregnant.

Somehow that fact seems lost on Republican Christian Moralists who are so concerned about Drag Queens reading to children while their own Presidential candidate is a convicted Felon and rapist who cheated on his wife. Spare me the Republican outrage over grooming children.

JUNE

1 June 2024 Saturday

I was up at 7 this morning posting about June being pride month and then went walking the pups. It’s kind of a lazy morning but the weather is cool and breezy but is expected to get into the high 80’s and perhaps the 90’s this coming week.  I didn’t see Kyle or Adrian all day. Adrian slept in until he had to leave for work and Kyle never came upstairs.

Mike Romero finally called me back about the groomer for Lulubelle. He’s in Colorado. Sounded well enough however he said that his Monjaro diabetic medicine jumped from $40 a month to $240 a month due to the so-called “donut” whole in his medical insurance. That’s awful but reality of American health care system.

Anyway, I have an appointment with Coco’s groomer on June 9^th at 11.  On the 21^st at 10 I need to take Maxx down and have his nails trimmed even further. On Tuesday the notary is coming by at 8 and Adrian has his appointment to file a plea in abeyance. So already it’s going to be a busy month.

The weather was pleasant so I did some watering this morning. It’s only the second time I watered this year since we have had pretty consistent rain. I noticed that the Columbian flag arrived today so I hoisted it up beneath the Stars and Stripes. I don’t think Kyle or Adrian even knows what I did. 

Kyle did message me that he wasn’t going to use the Pride Day tickets finally so I contacted Andy Dalrymple and Roy Zang to see if they could use them. The Pride Center sent me 3 which I think was an accident on their part. So around 5 I drove into the city to meet Andy at his place and I gave all three to him because he is sure to see Roy Zang and Tony before I will. We visited for about an hour catching up as I never go out into the community anymore. I am happy that the tickets won’t be wasted as they are worth about $20 a piece.

Anyway, back home I started typing up November 1987 and Carlos Bahena was having a fiesta next-door and playing very loud Latin Music which I was enjoying sitting at my computer.

Well, it will be interesting to see if Kyle can be successful with the money we are pulling out of the house. Time will tell. I went to bed around 10 because I am an old man.

 

2 June 2024 Sunday

Adrian came in around 2:15 and went to his room. I decided to join him, which I am glad I did because he wanted to be held and cradled in my arms. So I’m not sure how his day went but this I can still do, give tenderness when needed. I slept with him until around 6 then took TJ with me and went back to my own bed so Adrian could sleep more soundly.  

So today is Pride Day again and I haven’t attended now in 5 years. The 50^th anniversary of Gay Liberation was a good place to stop as well as receiving a life time achievement award in 2019.

Today would have been Kyle and Adrian’s 1^st anniversary if they hadn’t of divorced. I fixed Adrian some breakfast and cut some yellow roses for his bedroom. I saw that Kyle brought Adrian a dozen red roses.

When I took the pups for a walk everything was fine. I fixed Adrian some breakfast...everything was fine. I walk into my bed room saw the doggy bed pulled out of the closet and the blanket all twisted up and saw this crime scene. There was a dead squirrel  in in one of the doggy beds. I do not think the squirrel came into the bedroom to die a natural death. I have 4 suspects but they aren’t talking. Persephone the cat is a known squirrel killer but if she dragged the corpse into the bedroom to put the  blame on the pups, she had to have been fast. What puzzles me is I am sure my bedroom door to the deck was closed. Murder most foul.

 At Maverick by Bewilder I encounter Kevin Scott and his husband as they were heading to Pride. We visited a bit because we hadn’t seen each other for a long time. Kevin said he had been hacked on Face book and whatever the hacker was posting got Kevin permanently banned from Face book and Instagram with no recourse. All his business contacts, his photos, all gone. How horrible and unjust. if that ever happens to me the entire Utah Stonewall collection would disappear. Be ever vigilant on Face book is the lesson learned.

I hung out at Bewilder for a bit and it was really slow although it was Pride Day. I suppose none of the Queers ventured as far as to 4^th West. When we left, I had Kyle at least drive me by Washington Square and Pride appeared to be well attended. Kyle wanted to drive by Club Verse also because they had blocked off some of the street out front on State to have an outside venue as well. Their roof top patio was open also. I kind of wanted to go back inside and see how everything Kyle and I did was holding up. It was probably my last volunteer service to the Gay Community.  Anyway, I hope people enjoyed Pride Day but it’s for others not me anymore.

I would like to know how Utah's Congressmen feel about Trump being a convicted felon and prohibited from owning guns and other weapons being allowed to be in charge of Nuclear Weapons and commander in chief of the armed forces. Republicans have lost their damn minds.

3 June 2024 Monday

I didn’t sleep with Adrian last night as my stomach was a little upset and when he was up early to go to the gym, and eating his breakfast he said he missed me and needed a cuddle. I said I would join him tonight. It is really special that he misses me and I am just not being an old man.

Kyle wanted me to go get frying oil for the kitchen so I had to leave at 9:15 before I could walk the puppies or even finished my breakfast as that Maria was already down there.

 Then I went to Lucky’s and spent $110 on groceries the most I had in a  while but it was a lot of staples and items to make lunches for Kyle, breakfasts for Adrian, and supper for the pups.  Otherwise, it was a fairly quiet day which was Mom’s 95^th anniversary of her birth.

Our First Lady Jill Biden, born the same year as me also on my mom's birthday. We both graduated high school in 1969 and became educators.

4 June 2024 Tuesday

Adrian came home after 1 in the morning. Even though I was sleepy, I went and joined him bringing TJ and Taco with me. He needed my affection which I give by rubbing his feet and massage his back. I only half slept but never entered a dream state. Adrian was restless himself and was checking his phone at 5 in the morning so I left and went back to my own bed  and slept until after 6:30. I wanted to make sure I didn’t oversleep because the Notary was coming over at 8.

The woman’s name was Lisa and she was very nice. We visited a little even and it took about a half an hour for me to sign all the papers that had to be notarized. She was a little aggravated with Hometap as they had my name on various documents as Edgar Hugh Williams Jr., Edgar H. Williams, and Edgar Williams when she said they should have been consistent.

 After the signing and by the way she loved my roses, Kyle had me go to Papis to retrieve a check for Nicholas and bring it down to Bewilder. He wanted me to just tape it to the kitchen door but I waited until 10 but no one came so I just returned home.

Kyle closed Papi’s for the morning so he could go with Adrian for his court appearance. Kyle and Adrian were back from the court by noon and Adrian’s charge was reduced from Domestic Violence to Disorderly Conduct and was fined $200 which will come out of the $1000 bail I posted for him. It appears that he only has to attend one anger management class that he has to pay $150 for and his record will be cleared. ‘

Kyle had me order 50 lbs. of hamburger and 30 pounds of chicken breasts from Main street Meat Market that was ready after 2. When I went to get it, I dropped some Dinty Stews off for him and he said there was $360 in the Wells Fargo card. When I went to pay for it the total was $390 so I paid $360 on Wells Fargo and $30 off my card which for some reason pissed Kyle off rather than calling him and having him transfer more money. I was pissed at Kyle for making a big deal out of $30 when last month I spent over $20,000 keeping his businesses going. More than anything it made me upset that he questions my judgment. Anyway, I dropped the food off at Bewilder and came home for the rest of the day.

When Kyle came home from work I was already laying down and he came into my room all excited that the $4000 which was held up last week by the bankruptcy was released and he managed to pay rent on Papi’s, Bewilder, and the Mixx on time. When I was not overly excited he acted like I was bringing him down. I said look I have the right to be concerned about the businesses and if I am excited about anything it’s that Adrian’s legal issues are resolved and the Hometap documents were notarized. I could have said that money should have been returned to me as I took it from my IRS but I didn’t. Oh well.

5 June 2024 Wednesday

At noon I decided to make lunch trays out of the spaghetti and enchiladas I made the other day, knowing Kyle wouldn’t do anything with them. Then I brought the containers down to Papis, however I was getting on the on ramp at 10^th North this idiots cuts in front of me slows down and I had to slam on my brakes and honked my horn. I don’t know whether it’s because I am old or that drivers have gotten worse. One of my enchiladas tray with black beans fell onto the floor. I was so pissed. Utah passed a rage road law probably because of all outage over the fucking Utah drivers.

Anyway, down at Papi’s Luis washed my car and cleaned it inside and out, which it really needed. Nothing much was going on there so I came back home and there, Kyle called to say that he had an email from Old Hickory Sheds approving his application so if they did a background check. It wasn’t very thorough or didn’t care. Either way hopefully the shed deal will happen as like with U Haul it won’t cost us any money for them setting them up on the unused parking lot.

            It was a warm day here in Salt Lake but I guess a “heat dome” has settled over California and the Southwest with some temperatures above 110. Thank goodness Its only been in the high 80s here. 

This morning, I made an appointment for Kyle to bring Persephone into the vet tomorrow at 3:45 to have an allergy shot at Wasatch Springs.

            Other than walking the pups I didn’t do much else and there wasn’t any drama. I saw on the news a black bear cub wandered into the Marmalade district of Salt Lake that was up in a tree then was captured and relocated to the forest. He was in one of Michael Aaron’s trees! It made the news because it was the first time a bear had been spotted in Salt Lake City proper.

            I am now typing up December 1987, which was a difficult time in my life and I attempted suicide over depression from being in love with guys who didn’t love me.

6 June 2024 Thursday

I went to Utah First Credit Union this morning because Kyle wanted me to get a debit card and credit card linked to the Heloc there. While I was in Davis County I went to Ross Dress for Less  to buy some sandals for the summer. It was in the 90’s today but now we are cooking like in the Southwest.

Otherwise, it was just a domestic day at home until I had to call Kyle to remind him of Persephone’s appointment. He forgot about the time so we were almost a half an hour late.  

President Biden is in France for the 80^th anniversary of the D-Day liberation of Europe. Nearly 4,000 Allied troops lost their lives fighting for democracies against fascism.  In 2018 Trump while in France canceled a trip to the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery and infamously referred to soldiers buried there as “losers” and “suckers.” This is the man who Utah Congressmen want as President. 

7 June 2024 Friday

I slept for a few hours with Adrian but when I was getting a bit frisky with him I decided I better go back to my own bed as even at my age I am still a Gay man and lying next to a handsome young man stirs up feelings of which the boundaries I do not want to cross. It is only natural to have such stirring but it would not be appropriate because of  the paternal feelings I have for the boy.

I was really upset this morning. Every time I go to the bank to withdraw payroll I get a knot in my stomach whether there would be sufficient funds or not. Kyle wanted me to go to Wells Fargo at 9 as soon as it opened to withdraw payroll. So, I did, and it was already people there ahead of me in line so when I made it up to the teller to pull out $3400 which Kyle assured me we had, and we were short.

I called Kyle and he had me come down to Papi’s and I was not in the mood for this bullshit. He said that when he checked at 8:30 this morning there were sufficient funds. However between then and 9 evidently two bounced checks of Louis Alberto and Luisana, cashed months ago, finally were withdrawn that morning which Kyle said he hadn’t expected.

We raised our voices as I said I am sick of going to the bank and finding out we are short. He acted like it was no big deal and I said it is to me and it’s embarrassing for me and that he expects too much from me at my age. I told him if it’s no big deal then he could pull out payroll from now on. 

After letting off steam we were only short $400 and Kyle said he would talk to Luis Alberto about being paid next week. Also, Kyle made a suggestion that satisfied me that whenever I go to the bank simply ask for a balance and if there’s not enough just leave, it then would be up to him to deal with it. So, after I calmed down I went back to the Wells Fargo Branch just south of Costco which is  closer and sometimes easier to deal with as the branch near Lucky’s is always busy with Latino customers which takes longer to get to a teller.

            Anyway, I brought the money to Kyle to divvy up among the Bewilder workers and then I went there to drop off a check for Nicholas Foods. After that I was home for the rest of the day but around 1 I heard someone pounding on the front door and ringing the doorbell but I wouldn’t answer it because I was certain it was an angry process server and I didn’t want to deal with it.

When I called Kyle and he checked the camera it was Sarah his old dishwasher. I don’t know what she may have wanted to be so insistent. In April I drove down to her place in Murray to give her $300 in back pay but still it bothered me a lot thinking that is she still owed money?

Anyway around 4 when it was cooler I took the pups for a second walk and almost as soon as I went down the steps I encounter a real warrant processor asking for an Edgar Williams! That took me by surprise and I just said He isn’t here to get rid of her. I am so sick of feeling like a prisoner in my own home not knowing who is going to show up.

            I guess on a positive note Kyle said the Old Hickory rep came by to give Kyle some brochures and information and that a shed and banner will probably come next Wednesday. He also said that he is letting Yolanda go who works Saturdays cleaning the U of U fleet of buses not because she is a poor worker but rather he wants to just hire Milagros and Tutu to work and keep the money in the family. He is also going to hire Luis Jr. at minimum wage for the summer to work with his dad.

            In the evening, I watered some of the front yard which was only the second time I have done so this year from all the rain we had this spring but we are in the middle of an early heat way with temperatures in the 90’s. Most of my pretty roses are done because of the heat.

I also did a lot of trimming of overgrown branches and stopped to talk to Debbie who was walking her pooch Annie who just loves my gang. I gave Debbie some Oriental Poppy seeds as they are about all gone also. Peter Nash asked me if his wife could plant some extra tomato plants in my front yard garden area as I wasn’t really using it this year and I said certainly.

            It was a pleasant evening to be out in the yard working. Adrian came home for his supper but I didn’t get to visit as I was out side.  Well, the day ended better than it began and I can only do so much to not worry about Kyle’s bad decisions which often affect me and my wallet.

            Fifty years from now if the Evangelicals haven’t blown up the world no one will care about me or the little dramas on Fernleaf Street.

            TJ was hurting this evening yelping like he was in pain. He’s done this before but not in a while. It’s just makes me so concerned but nothing much I can do, he finally found a place to lay down and he rested some

8 June 2024 Saturday

Another warm day in the 90’s but I mowed the front and back yards as they needed it. I did go to Luckys and did buy some more grocery to make a meat loaf for Kyle’s lunches next week. Otherwise, I spent the day just doing some housework and finished typing up 1987. The hollyhocks are starting to bloom so my spring flowers are about gone and the summer ones are just beginning.

 

9 June 2024 Sunday

Yesterday Adrian said he missed me sleeping with him so I made sure I did when he came home. However, I had no idea what time it was and later learned from Kyle that both he and Adrian had been at the Negrons for Luis Jr’s birthday and they didn’t get home until 4 in the morning. No wonder Adrian was dead tired and didn’t get up for breakfast. 

I went with Kyle to get some Sauerkraut at the Chef Store for Bewilder and when we returned home Kyle wanted some waffles so I made the batter but had to leave to go get money to pay the groomer. Adrian was up by then and did say that soon he will be back on the 6 in the morning shift which he said he prefers, Probably in July.

Lulubelle was finally groomed today. I took her to the woman who grooms Coco for Mike Romero. It’s kind of out there because she lives off of 1300 East and about 4700 South. Her name is Sally and she did a pretty good job considering what a mess Lulubelle was. The cost was $60 and I made another appointment for Sunday September 29 at 9 in the morning.  While down there I went to Arctic Circle and had a hamburger and onion rings while waiting. It’s the first time I had fast food in months.

This evening, I made a meatloaf for Kyle’s lunches for next week.  Other than that, I watered the yard and typed up my journal from 1987. It was super-hot today over 95 degrees.

10 June 2024 Monday

Well for better or worse today the money from HomeTap was wired to America First so they now have an equity interest in the house. I slept for most of the night with Adrian along with TJ and Taco. TJ seems to be getting better and not in so much pain that made him yelp so much yesterday.

Kyle wanted me to take Milagros into work this morning as I suppose their vehicle is acting up again. Back home I fixed 4 trays of meatloaf lunches that I took down to Papi’s where Kyle and Luis Jr. were spray painting the posts and chain surrounding the parking lot where the Old Hickory Sheds will go.

While I was there this couple from San Diego California came to have their car washed and I visited with the young woman about Southern California. Sometimes I miss conversing with people from California and I had an enjoyable visit with her. After I left to go back home again, there I had a call from Kyle saying he was notified that the Hometap funds had been wired and I looked in my First America account sure enough there was $97,000 deposited into my checking.

I paid off my Visa Card and Line of Credit immediately as together that was nearly $11,000. I drove back to Papis to meet with Kyle to deal with the money. I said I wanted $25,000 put in my money Market Savings that I just don’t want to touch but just draw interest on it and Kyle set it up to wire the remaining $60,000 into Utah First Credit Union but I had to go to America First to have them do the transfer of funds. It all seems kind of overwhelming going from only having about $20 to my name at the end of May to being flushed now.

Well only time will tell whether Kyle will use this money to make a go or a bust. Either way in 10 years the house will have to be refinanced or sold to pay back HomeTap and hopefully by that time I will be dead and it will be Kyle and Adrian’s problem even if they are still around. It was a cooler day than yesterday but still in high 80’s.

11 June 2024 Tuesday

I don’t know why but I woke up at 3:30 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep so around 4 I just got up and fixed breakfast and went to typing. Around 7:30 I heard Kyle down in the garage and there was a huge U-Haul van parked on the street. He was taking stuff from the garage down to Papi’s especially a table saw and a lot of two by fours that had been stacked in the garage. I helped him carry them out and the went walking the pups around 8 before the day heated up.

As I was walking I received a fraud alert on the use of the Utah First card. So, I drove down to Papis and had Kyle call the 800 number just to report that it wasn’t a fraud just that it was the first time I used it. I stayed while Kyle ran to do some quick errands and one of the things I did was clean the filthy customer bathroom while waiting. I was back home by 10 and Adrian was already eating his own breakfast getting ready to head off to the gym.

            Other than this morning I didn’t really leave the house except to take the pups for a second walk after 6 when it was not so hot. I worked a lot on editing my journals.

It was nearly 8 before Kyle came home, and Adrian was holed up in his room for much of the evening.

Right before I was going to go to bed I had a text message from Andy Dalrymple that David Nelson was about to pass away. When I wrote Michael Aaron he messaged and said that David had just died at 10 tonight. Much of the progress we made political in our community was on his shoulders. David was mostly noted for founding the Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats in the 1990s. Always an activist from the early 80s  he was a force of nature. We often clashed but always it was just on visions of community building. David Keith Nelson (April 7, 1962- June 11, 2024)

12 June 2024 Wednesday

I woke up at 5 this morning and noticed my door was still shut. Last night Adrian had a gentleman caller so he shut my door to keep the dogs from barking. So, I had some surprises on the floor this morning. I then fixed me some breakfast and took the pups for a walk.

Kyle wanted me to buy two bottled water to bring to Papi’s as it was in the mid 90’s today. So, I went to Smiths and bought 2 “arrowhead” waters the only kind he likes and some pastry bites that I know he likes. At Papi’s he had already had the cherry picker lift to start painting the building and he’s got the planter boxes already built.

            I also went to the dollar tree store down there just north of Home Depot to buy some household items. It is so much cleaner and more well stocked than the one here by Lucky’s that it is trashed out for some reason like they are either closing or don’t have a competent store manager.

            Anyway, I posted more items about David Nelson’s death and it being an anniversary of the 2016 massacre at Club Pulse in Orlando, Florida were 49 Gays were killed. Otherwise, I was home for most of the day.

            I hardly go into Bewilder anymore as I don’t think I am as needed to keep it afloat since there are the four women there to keep it going and I have been letting Kyle run all the errands rather than me to get any food or supply items when Papi’s closes at 4.

            Down at Papi’s Jesus Pereira was scraping the wash bay ceiling while up in the cherry picker and Luis Alberto Negron was digging out a concrete island that is going to be paved over. Kyle said that he has put Luis Jr on the payroll at Papi’s during the summer while he is out of school.

            Kyle asked me to come work at Papi’s Friday morning while he heads down to Payson to buy some huge poles like the ones he bought for the yard a few years ago. He wants to place a height limit banner at the entrance to the truck wash.

            I was thinking today how all these people are here working for Kyle because of my love for Adrian Villalobos when he was Kyle’s husband now all that has changed. Adrian said that Kyle was jealous that Adrian had some guy over last night but he told Kyle that he had his chance to be his husband but he doesn’t feel being in love with Kyle anymore. He has no right to be jealous of Adrian anymore. Kyle really fucked that up.

Adrian is family to me but in an entirely different way since he and Kyle are not a couple anymore. Funny how all of Adrian’s family is basically supported by Kyle and me while Adrian works at another place on his own.

13 June 2024 Thursday

"Turned out to be hotter than I thought it would  be 97 degrees.   Yikes" I wrote this in 2018...it’s like DeJa’Vu all over again as today it’s supposed to be even hotter may be 100!

I fixed some French Toast for breakfast this morning. I find that I eat out of nostalgia more than being hungry.

I watered the front yard this morning and worked in my garden before it got really hot today. All my spring time flowers, tulips, irises, daffodils are all gone as well as my poppies. Now my summer flowers like Hollyhocks and sunflowers are coming in.

I was rewarded this morning by see a huge beautiful yellow and blue butterfly flitting around the garden among the bumble bees. I had to move the huge 50 pound rock over that was blocking my path. I am still sweating from that.

What I love about my front yard is most everything the blooms were volunteers that the wind and birds placed in my yard. The shrubs are plants that I planted 28 years ago of course when I had the house built but many of the flowers are Faerie gifts.

 I have a very rare plant for Utah that Bessie Larson from Magna gave to me as she didn't want it. I have had it for at least 25 years and I’m not sure how old it really is. I heard it's called a corpse plant because it attracts bugs because it can smell like rotten meat. It only blooms for a couple of days usually in June and then the whole plant dies off until next Spring. It has a dark purple like Lilly flower when it does bloom. I look forward to each year to remember sweet Bessie by as she was special person.

My Empress of India clematis plant is 27 years old and never fails to impress throughout June. My poor roses have taken a beating from the heat but some are hanging in there but not many.

I bought a Columbia flag to fly beneath ours for Adrian. However, I also need to get a new Rainbow flag as the wind shredded our last one. Speaking of Adrian he had a gentleman caller this morning.

I went down to Papi’s to talk to Kyle about what I needed to do tomorrow when he wanted me to work there in the morning. The place was a beehive of activity as some asphalt people were there fixing the dip in the exit and Kyle had new posts in place to section all the area off where the Old Hickory Sheds will go.

He had me go to Wells Fargo to withdraw Pay roll and all the backpay for everyone. It was over $6000 but at least this time there was money in the account.

When I came home at 3,  I just worked on the computer and also Palak Jaywal from the Salt Lake Tribune called and wants to talk to me Monday at 1 for a story she is doing on David Nelson. 

Kyle came home around 8 and said he had tried to call me but I never heard the phone ring. He said he went down to Payson today instead of tomorrow so I won’t have to come in at 8 to work.

            It did get up to 100 degrees today officially.

14 June 2024 Friday

I slept part of the night with Adrian but I was up and down having to pee that I went to my own bed just so I wouldn’t be disturbing him. It was cooler today by about 5 degrees but still plenty warm.

I went down to see what was going on at Papi’s today. The building was being painted by with the wind the paint was being spray also on poor Jesus Pereira. An Old Hickory Shed model was delivered today also. I just stayed for a couple of hours so Kyle could leave and take care of some business. Since no one speaks English but Kyle and me, I have to stay whenever he leaves. I went to Rancho Market on my way back home to buy Adrian some Columbian Tortillas and cheese that he likes.

The Utah First Home Equity credit card came today so Kyle can stop using my America First Credit Card to pay for Nicholas Food supplies for Bewilder. It seems lately I am way more down at Papi’s then at Bewilder.

46 years ago, God stopped being a white supremacist according to Mormons. The cynics among us always believed the revelation came because Kinte Kunta Kimball was found on the Kimball family tree. LOL My first reaction was damn there goes the old Joke only Mormons got. Do you know why crows are black? Because they refused to eat crickets in the pre-existence... hahaha... don’t get it? You were never a Mormon...Leave it to Mormons to kill a joke and be a buzz kill. Well Now Mormons at least have scrubbed all of their dead prophets racist comments and no one turns white and delightsome anymore.

15 June 2024 Saturday

When I fixed Adrian his breakfast he asked me why I didn’t sleep with him last night so I know he misses me cuddling with him. The truth was my bladder is getting weaker so I am up several times in the night to pee.

It was beautiful day only in the high 80’s. Kyle cut his finger deep at Papi’s and had to go get stitches.  While there he found out about a medical program that Adrian might be interested in as that Adrian does want to go into medical work of some kind.

            I had to get more chicken for the pups so I went to Lucky’s to buy some more groceries and at home I put on a pot roast in the crock pot for Kyle’s lunches next week

            Bewilder was having a small catered event so I told Kyle I would come in and help out by doing the dishes while the girls worked. Luisana, Milagros, and Johanna was working. Kyle came down also to help set up

            The kitchen is running so smoothly with a lot of changes for the better. They make their own beer cheese now and they do their chicken schnitzel different using a press. They have also reorganized where all the kitchen equipment goes so it’s more efficient. I really haven’t been down there to actually work in quite a while. I am down at Papi’s a lot more.

            Kyle wanted to take me there to show off all the new signage that he had placed. One was for Old Hickory Sheds and the other was for Papi’s Wash. He said they spent much of the afternoon scraping the inside of the bay in order to paint on Monday when the lot is re-black topped. So, tomorrow Kyle wants me and the others to come in and sweep the lot in order to get it ready.

            I was rather tired this evening and went to bed at 9:30. I heard Adrian come in but was too tired to get out of bed to join him.

 

16 June 2024 Sunday

I woke about 1 to go pee and decided I better go join Adrian as I said I would so I gathered up Taco and TJ and took them to bed with me. Adrian was such a bed hog all night that I was off the edge for much of the night but it gave me an excuse to hold on to him tighter.

            I got up at 6 not having a very restful night between getting up to pee several times  and clinging onto Adrian but I am not complaining that I am holding onto a beautiful 27 year old “Mr. Columbia” winner.

            While making coffee Adrian got up to get some bottled water  and showed me this beautiful orchid plant he bought for me for “Father’s Day.” With it was this card that he wrote in English, “Grandpa or Dad ben, You have been my protector, you give me the warmth of a dad, you are attentive to me, you take care of me and I feel lucky to have you . I would have liked to have you many years ago because I always needed the care and shelter of a dad. But time puts good  people like you on the path  and surely when this country landed, destiny knew that here in the United States you existed… To take care of me and protect me and from me receive all your love and I will return you double the love you give. These flowers are white because that’s how your sweet dad heart is, pure, transparent, and true, With lots of Love Adrian TJ, Lulubelle, Taco, Max.

            I barely had time to thank Adrain before heading over to Mike Romeros to borrow his weed whackers  to bring down to Papi’s. There Kyle was rather stressed because the Negrons weren’t there at 8:00 as he had a lot to get done before his afternoon Matinee at the Eccles Theater. Anyway, there were there by 8:30, Luis Alberto, Milagros, Lucianny, and Lusito. We all started pushing brooms, sweeping the whole lot so it can be blacktopped tomorrow. It was a large area nearly at least a quarter of an acre.

            While I was there, Jim Dabakis messengered me that Bruce Bastian had died. He was a multi-millionaire who funded many projects in the Gay community and was on the board of the national Human Rights Commission. I of course was never in his circle and Jim Dabakis is as close as I ever came. He was a good guy from what I understand but people were mainly after his money. Some people contribute their time and some their treasure. I always heard of his legendary sex parties from Charles Frost mainly but Roy Zang wrote this to me.

“ I spent many nights partying with him in my younger days in the 1990s.”  I wrote back, “I never was young or pretty enough to be invited.” Roy replied, “Being the hot messy queen I was back in the bad days I seemed to find the best booze and drugs. lol He is the only A lister I ever really knew and he was banging my best friend Jeff McCarthy so that's how I got the invite.  lol In about 1998 or so maybe it was 97, he came over to my place after the SUN, this tiny little apartment I had in the avenues with Jeff and he brought a shit load of cocaine with him over. I could not stop looking at his Prada shoes lol.” I wrote back “John Williams liked his young party boys too. Lol”. Roy “I guess I was young , dumb and full of cum. I never slept with him, just Jeff” I replied, “Well too late now.”

            Anyway, I posted to Facebook and let Michael Aaron and Palak know then went back to sweeping the parking lot. I was exhausted pushing a broom but as I lived in just above the poverty line for most of my life, I pushed a lot of brooms.

            We finished just around noon and Kyle treated us to lunch at Chuck A Rama because the gang wanted to go to a buffet and I thought they might as well learn about Chuck A Rama being a Salt Lake Staple. I thought the place would be much busier it being Father’s Day but we went right in without waiting. I just had a one plate with very little on it mostly some salmon, shrimp, turkey and dressing. Then I went got a dessert plate of just a slice of carrot cake, a cookie, and carrot salad.  They all enjoyed their meal and I did too but realized I ate too much the little I did eat and I had a bad stomach when I returned home.

            I called Chuck Whyte because he had texted me so we could visit. He’s in St. Joseph Villa but will be released on Thursday. I guess they are adjusting his medicine because it had made him woozy.

17 June 2024 Monday

Either all my days are the same or I have an onset of dementia because I am having a little difficulty remembering what I did the day before. I went down to Papi’s at noon to bring Kyle a pot roast lunch I made yesterday and the Utah First Credit card so he could set it up with Nicholas Foods. The black topping of the parking lot was finished but I had to be careful were I stepped. I didn’t stay long as the place was being painted and there’s wasn’t much I could do.

            I went to Deseret Industries for the first time in a while and found a few things and to Smith’s to buy some bottled water for Adrian and dog treats. Afterwards I stayed home for most of the day. When I was unloading groceries I saw that a black widow decided to make its home in my garage. If she don’t bother me I won’t bother it.

When I went to walk the pups in the afternoon the weather had really changed to cold and windy. I didn’t notice until I was already outside walking so I thought I’d freeze my ass off because it was down into the 60’s.

I sent my 5 years as a Gay Activist 1985-1989 to Brandon Burt, Daniel Cureton, Andy Dalrymple and Roy Zang to keep for me so that is out there.

            Palak Jayswal from the Tribune had to cancel our visit today because her editor wanted her to do an obituary for Bruce Bastian first. Troy Williams’ comments in the obit were totally off the mark by saying Bruce had done more for the Gay community than anyone else. While Bastian was making his millions others were building the community like David Nelson whose obituary was bumped. He did much more long before Bastian. If I was snarky I could have commented, “his money will be missed” more than him.

                Today was Adrian’s day off and Kyle was busy at Papi’s all day as well as getting food items for Bewilder. He said this coming Sunday a wedding party between 70 and 100 people are coming there so guess where I will be next week doing dishes?

            When Kyle came home, he and Adrian went to see about some classes Adrian wants to take. I hope he gets back into school to get a career he wants to have.

I just don’t understand young people who say they don’t like Biden but hate Trump so they might not vote... they are guaranteeing the MAGA cult a win like they did in 2016 when they didn’t like Hillary so they didn’t vote. It’s so stupid. It’s like saying i don’t like the air today so I will hold my breath...when the air is the only thing there is to breathe you don’t hold your nose...Biden is the only air left before authoritarianism takes over when the air will be toxic ...

18 June 2024 Tuesday

I slept through the night with Adrian before starting my day. I had a phone interview with Palak Jayswal of the Tribune for her obituary write up on David Nelson which was delayed because of her editor wanting her to  do Bruce Bastian’s first.

 Kyle had me call Main Street Meat Market for 40 lbs. of Chicken which I went and bought at 3 before going over to downtown Harmons to get bratwurst. The days of going over to Emigration is over thank goodness because Kyle doesn’t require the extra seasoning any more since they are oven roasted instead of boiled anymore.

 It was not as cold as yesterday but still it was only in the 70’s while back east people are suffering from high temperatures and humidity.

 I finally sent in my ballot for Salt Lake County council seat. I voted for Dustin Gettel  after I read him saying we need more Jim Bradley’s to represent us in the county. That was good enough for me. Of course, it didn't hurt none that he's Gay.

19 June 2024 Wednesday

I didn’t sleep with Adrian last night only because I was already a sleep when he came in from work. This morning, he seemed distant but found out later it was because his ex-boyfriend Juan Pablo saw a Facebook post by Milagros who called Kyle her brother-in-law. I guess that he set him off and he threatened Adrian’s family. Adrian isn’t on Facebook for that very reason not to have Juan Pablo engage with him.

            Anyway, Kyle sent me a picture that the planter boxes at Papi’s had been filled with soil so I went to Sutherlands to see what plants they might have left as it was getting late in the season. Most everything was gone but they had Geraniums on sale to get rid of them. Normally $10 they were marked down to $3 so I bought 10 of them. After bringing them down, there was still a huge  pile of dirt and Kyle and Luis Alberto and Lucito were helping unload the tire equipment that came today which was supposed to come until July.  Therefore, I picked up a shovel and started making mound in the planters to start removing some of the dirt. I worked for nearly an hour or more filling buckets and then dumping them. A lot of manual labor for an old man but I like working in the soil.

 As that we still had a lot of soil left over, Kyle and I went to Lowe’s and bought 8 imitation half wooden barrels to place around the shop filled with the rest of the dirt. While at Lowes I snagged my finger and broke the skin which bled a lot. Old skin is fragile skin.

            Kyle said that Bewilder did a $500 lunch and had run out of avocado so we had to stop at the chef store, deliver them, afterwards we went to Sutherlands and we bought 36 more geraniums. We also stopped at Arby’s where I had a Yeero which I hadn’t had for a while. Surprisingly it was quite tasty.

            Back at Papi’s I worked until after 4 then fatigue finally wore me down and I went back home, gave the pups their second walk, and then just stayed in for the rest of evening.

Kyle added the Disney Channel to my programs and I spent a lot pf the evening just adding shows to my list. I did watch on Netflix an interesting show on the Terracotta Warriors of China, which was very informative, something I didn’t know much about.

Today is our newest National Holiday, Juneteenth, which celebrates when slaves in Galveston Texas heard they  had been freed in 1865.

20 June 2024 Thursday

I took Maxx down to the Wasatch Vet to have his nails trimmed. This time they charged me $20 and went back down to Papi’s to work planting all the geraniums before it gets too hot. David Nelson’s obituary that Palak Jayswal did came out today and I posted on my history site. I visited with Roy Zang a bit on the phone. I guess he’s now living at the apartments that were built over the site of the old In-Between. We reminisced about all the places that are gone now like just recently Village Inn on 4^th South and 900 East. So, this is the last day of Spring. However much of the east coast is under a heat dome so it been summer for them already.

21 June 2024 Friday

I am pissed again how Kyle treats me like an errand boy with little regard for my time. Yesterday he asked me to go to Wells Fargo at the 9 tomorrow with the amount of cash to pull out. I so I am up early, walking the pups then off I went to the Wells Fargo on 17^th South and 3^rd West because I like their service. I was there a few minutes before 9 and I called Kyle as he asked to find out what card to used. He then said he had forgotten that Juneteenth was a bank holiday so billings won’t be deposited until Monday but said to go to Utah First Credit Union. I was pissed because he could have told me that this morning. 

So, I had to back track back into downtown to the branch on South Temple  through morning traffic. The reason we did all this refinancing was so there wouldn’t be these screw ups and even though we have the money that is not the point. It’s that Kyle, not me should be retrieving cash for payroll.

            I stayed home after that and fixed Adrian some breakfast. At about 1 I calmed down enough to take the payroll down to Papi’s. A little before that we had a thunderclap and it began to rain. As I was driving it began to come down in buckets with hail so I pulled over under the freeway overpass the wait out the storm. It was a quick moving summer thunderstorm which I was just unlucky to be out when it hit. No one who was not sheltered was soaked to the bone.

            By the time I reached Papis the storm had passed but had dropped a nearly a third of an inch of rain in only about 20 minutes. Kyle was almost out of envelopes to put the payroll in for all the workers so I went to the Dollar Tree north of Home Depot to buy some and also some groceries as that they have a retriggered section and also care bread.

            After dividing up the payroll I went back home and worked primarily on compiling information about the old address of 579 West Second South. I thought I’d give it to Roy Zang now that he lived in the apartment complex built on the site.

            Around 6 there was knocking at the door, and looking outside I think it was Kyle’s former employee Sarah. Since Kyle was home I didn’t want to be bothered but she kept ringing the door bell and not sure why Kyle didn’t deal with whatever she wanted.

            I just decided to go into the backyard and pull up all the milkweeds some as tall as 3 feet or more by the space between the patio and fence. After the heavy rain we had I thought it might be easier. It was a lot of work for sure but I got it done. I will later deal with cleaning up the mess.

            Today is Mike Romero’s birthday and he turned 68. I talked to him some and he said he’s be coming back on July 1^st from Colorado via Wyoming. He said that Kimberley Gile’s dad passed away in Florida. He died on June 20^th at the age of 88 at the same age as Donald Sutherland who also died on the same day.

22 June 2024 Saturday

Adrian came home about 2:00 this morning and I left my bed to go join him and to massage his felt and love on him by cuddling. I only stayed until around 6:30 before starting my day. I had some bacon and fried  eggs along with biscuits and gravy for breakfast. That will satisfy me for a while also with mocha coffee with marshmallows. You can have your almond milk granola tofu with wheat grass Beveridge... not me. At 73 I will eat what i want and if you don’t like it ya’ll can go to kale.

I only left the house today to walk the pups and go grocery shopping at Lucky’s. It was quite warm today in the 90’s so I just stayed home and made some raisin bran muffins and did some research on what I am writing for Roy Zang. Adrian came home from the gym and had a bad upset stomach and was vomiting. He felt better afterwards and I made him some soup. He felt really warm and I wonder if he got too much heat. He did manage to go into work.

Kyle was out and about, I imagine down at Papi’s some but later in the early evening he drove Tutu and a friend of hers to some basketball game in Sandy.

            In the evening, I changed the sheets on Adrian’s bed and cleaned his room. I managed to fit the desk Kyle brought home into a closet space which I was worried the space was too small, so I was happy that it fit neatly.

            All I see on Facebook is memes ridiculing Louisiana mandating that the 10 Commandments be posted in all school classrooms while the governor refused funding from the fed’s to feed school children.

            It may have been hot here today but I suppose back east people are truly suffering from the humidity and the heat.

 

23 June 2024 Sunday

We made it to 101 degrees today. Summertime and the living is ...hot fun in the summer time ....back of my neck getting dirty and gritty  have a drink, ....have a drive Go out and see what you can find. I love summertime songs.

            Adrian slept with Kyle last night and when he was up I fixed him breakfast of fried fish as I think he was tired of just scrambled eggs. I met Kyle at Papi’s to water the geraniums and to retrieve a gallon of weed killer before coming back home and staying in for the rest of the day except walking the pups at 8:30 when it had cooled down to 85 degrees.

            I spent much of the day compiling information on 579 West when it became Bricks and In the Venue, which I didn’t know much about because my bar days were way over by then.

24 June 2024 Monday

When Adrian came home and went to bed, I went and joined him. It’s one of my few pleasures to hold him in my arms as he nestles into me, his grandpa.

This morning Kyle wanted me to bring pruning shears and a saw as he had Jesus Pereira trimming trees down at Papis. So, I did and helped cut the branches to go into the dumpster there. It was really hot on the blacktop which I bet made it like 110 degrees. We filled the dumpster what we could and called it quits. Tutu and Luisana came down to Papis to visit for a little bit . Luisana said that she had her period yesterday when they were cranking out the food for the wedding party yesterday that ordered $1000 worth of food in an hour! I guess Bewilder did a $1500 Sunday altogether.

            After getting drinks with Kyle, I came back home to rest as I was really exhausted from the work and heat this morning. Later I decided to finally change the sheets on the bed and actually washed all the bedding as well as some laundry. Because my bed was stripped I thought I needed to really clean the bedroom, sweeping under the bed and rearranging things. It was time, as I have put off a lot of cleaning by typing my journals as well as working on 579 West material.

            I wasn’t planning on going out this evening but Kyle called at 7 and said the gang was at the pool at the Grove Apartments and Kyle was having a barbeque. He and Adrian bought seasoned meats from Lucky’s that he cooked while I sat and visited as much as I could with Adrian and his sister Johanna Pereira and had some Pina Colada and drank a little of Adrian’s Margarita. It’s the first time I had alcohol in ages but I just had  little knowing that because of my bariatric surgery I would absorb alcohol quickly.

            When the seasoned chicken, Chorizo sausages and carne asada were ready the others came out of the pool to eat and wrapped  the meats in tortilla. I didn’t eat as that I had eaten a bit before Kyle called but I enjoyed being with my adopted South America family who were enjoying themselves immensely. It was a beautiful evening with lots of shady trees and a nice June evening for a BBQ. However, I left a little after 8 as I was tired and I wanted to walk the pups before the sun went down.  I was in bed after that and not sure when Kyle and Adrian came home.

25 June 2024 Tuesday

I climbed into bed with Adrian sometime, not sure when and hugged on him all night long before getting up to start the say which was another day in the high 90’s. I decided it was time to do some yard weeding as the southside parking strip and poured concrete parking pad had gotten really weedy.

            While working on that Adrian said Kyle wanted me to call him, which I did. He wanted me to go to Sutherlands and buy some more geraniums for the two potting barrels he had bought last week. So, I did and while there Sutherlands had a whole rack of free 3 inch pots of plants they wanted to get rid of. So, I bought 6 more geraniums for $3 in each and took about 6 free petunias and small pink geraniums. Can’t beat that.

            From there I went to the liquor store on North Temple and bought a jug of Chi-Chi’s premixed Margaritas. It sounded good but I didn’t drink any today LOL. Maybe tomorrow.

            At Papi’s the front lot was filled with Old Hickory Sheds so the place really looked full. I planted the geraniums and watered all the others before going with Kyle to get Little Caesar pizza and drinks for the crew and us. Lots of activity at Papi’s with Kyle installing a new fence behind the building.

            While there Kyle finally had Utah First Credit Card start taking out payments for the Ford work truck as well as the Heloc Payments from Wells Fargo rather than America First. Payments are due on the 25^th so haven’t checked it they were taken out of my account for this month.

Back home I took a nap as I was really tired but in the evening I walked the pups for the second time and worked watering the front yard, pruning back some of the plants that have stopped blooming and a general clean up. I think I must have over done it as I was exhausted and went to bed.

            Today was my sister Donna’s 75^th birthday. I thought about calling her all day but didn’t. Not sure why. Perhaps because we really don’t have much to say to each other anymore. She has her life in Nevada now and I have mine up here with Kyle and Adrian for better or worse, mostly better I believe.

            The Utah Republican Primary was held today which might as well been the general election because the winner will be elected officially in November.

26 June 2024 Wednesday

I didn’t sleep with Adrian last night to give him some space but I fixed him breakfast and took the pups for a walk before I tackled pulling up all the weeds that had grown in the parking strip at the corner of Fernleaf and Daleridge that had over grown. I also cleaned out the milk weeds that had grown up along the rock wall to make it look more tidy.

            I didn’t go to Papi’s nor was I going to leave the hose today so I had two Margaritas that was refreshing and just mellowed out. Does 2 margaritas in the afternoon mean one is an alcoholic or just a lush?

            However, this evening just when I was settled in Kyle called and asked me to come down to Bewilder to help out. I wasn’t drunk nor intoxicated by then so had no qualms about going. There I saw only Kyle and Maria working the line so I jumped in and started doing up all the dishes. Evidently Johanna was sick with a urinary tract infection and was too ill to work.

            Kyle was exhausted I could tell from being at Papi’s all day and working at Bewilder this evening. He wanted to go home at 8:30 but I didn’t want to leave Maria alone but Kyle insisted because he said he wouldn’t leave if I didn’t so I left. It had really slowed down by then and he was closing at 9:30 anyway.

            While there Maria confided in me that she was applying to go back to school so maybe she is thinking about quitting as that Kyle said that the Villalobos women have some type of issue with Maria now. Kyle said he thinks it’s just jealousy but what really surprised me was that Kyle said Adrian hates her so his family must have been feeding him stories as he’s never at Bewilder. That made me kind of sad because I love Maria and think she is a really hard worker but oh well.

            I was home by 9 and went to bed shortly after that because it was a king of a busy day.

27 June 2024 Thursday

I went to Papi’s to water the geraniums and Kyle said he went and withdrew payroll so I didn’t have to. It was not such a hot day today. I tried watching some of the Presidential debate tonight and was surprised how poorly President Biden was coming across with a hoarse voice and appeared rather fragile next to the blowhard Trump who was spewing lie after lie without any intervention from the CNN “moderators”. Trump showed all the confidence of any pathological liar and so many will be deceived. Most commentators said that President Biden came off poorly rather than commenting on the amount of lies that Trump was rattling off. I still support President Biden, as he is a good man while Trump is just plain evil.  I saw this posted and thought it was funny.            “Tonight, the Secret Service is making an exception by letting a convicted felon get this close to a sitting President.”

28 June 2024 Friday

I slept all night with Adrian after he came in and we clung to each other until I got up early to let him get some uninterrupted sleep. Kyle said that he had the Papi’s lot striped and wanted me to come down to see it, which I did. It was pretty impressive and made it really appear as a business and not a shit hole it was.

            Afterwards I went to the Glendale Smith’s to buy some groceries, chicken for the pups and some ground pork and beef for meatloaf next week. I also bought a huge seedless Watermelon and some other treats. Afterwards I just returned home walked the pups again and fed them.

            When Kyle came in he said that he was planning on having everyone over here for the 4^th of July and in the backyard patio so guess what I will be doing? Oh well.

            Adrian came home for lunch and Kyle bought a Little Caeser Pizza which seems to be the favorite for all the Latinos. I wonder why? Anyway, Adrian received in the mail $800 back from the $1000 bill I posted for him last October. I told him to keep it.

            Before going to bed, I stripped Adrian’s sheets and remade his bed. It was all tangled up. I am grateful that I have a boy I can make a bed for and one who loves me as family.

Trump's debate was a classic example of gaslighting and so many in the media have bought into it. The economy shut down and schools closed  and hospitals were overwhelmed with 2 million dead Americans under Trump, not Biden. Store shelves were empty and you couldn’t even get toilet paper under Trump not Biden, Trump pulled out the Paris Climate Accords not Biden, Trump met with the Taliban and praised Putin not Biden. Trump derailed the bipartisan border deal not Biden. Trump praised white supremacists and nazis as fine people not Biden. Trumps son in law received 2 billion dollars from the Saudis not Bidens son. I could go on and on.

29 June 2024 Saturday

I never left the house today except to walk the pups a couple of times. Instead, I worked cleaning the patio area up of all the milkweed and other weeds I did last week and filled the entire yard waste container. I also filled the jacuzzi up or at least tried to. It was filling but after about an hour or more I noticed it wasn’t getting any fuller. I went down the steps and saw that when I had drained it I left the cap off the drain and it had been pouring out. I felt like an idiot for wasting so much water as I had been really careful this summer with water. Also by the drain there was another black widow spider. I said don’t bother me and I won’t bother you.

            After putting the cap back on the tub filled up after a while and when I turned the power back on the jets worked so hopefully the heat will come back on also.

            Adrian was kind of moody today and didn’t say goodbye to me whenever he left the house. I suppose he has things he is worried about. Kyle was gone for much of the day down at Papi’s doing projects to make the place ready for his businesses. I didn’t see him until after 8:30 when he came home to cook some stuffed mushrooms.

            I baked some chocolate chip cookies but didn’t make anything, just ate whatever I had left over. I mainly worked on my history of 579 West Second South for much of the day. 

30 June 2024 Sunday

When Adrian came home he first went downstairs to spend some time with Kyle before coming back up to get a bite to eat before going to his own room. That’s when I joined him and we clung onto each other all night. Adrian needs me, I think from the way he holds me as much as I need him. We are family.

            It was a super busy day as I made Adrian some Lasagna and Meat Loaf for Kyle. I then worked in the backyard by mowing and pulling weeds. Kyle ordered a BBQ Grill and an 18 foot swimming pool that was delivered to day. I had to have Adrian help me drag it into the garage because it was so heavy.

            I finally finished the history of 579 West Second South and sent copies of it off to Roy Zang, Andy Dalrymple, Daniel Cureton , Brandon Burt.

Well so ends June and on the most part it was pleasant weather wise and no real drama at either Bewilder or Papis.

There is still nonsense about President Biden’s performance at the debate buy I believe he  was standing up against a lying demonic sociopath who has not a whit of decency. Shame on those Democrats who won't stand with Biden as the only bulwark  against  the destruction of Secular Democracy as we know it.  Replace him? With whom? Who could defeat Trump at this time? Our hope lies with an incumbent President.