Summer 3rd Quarter Journal 2023 July-September

 

July

1 July 2023 Saturday

I love July and its warmth that makes the garden grow. July reminds me of volleyball in Memory Grove or Liberty Park,  picnics, lazy days, watermelons, ice cream, and sweet tea and lots of shirtless guys riding bikes. It was in July that I fell in love with Billy Bikowski. I used to love to walk and ride around Salt Lake when I lived downtown, good memories.

As I was born in April, I had to have been conceived in July for my journey into mortality beginning on the high plains of West Texas. I am a long way from my beginnings.

Today is Bill Poore’s memorial service up in Layton.  Maybe I should have gone but I didn’t want to be around his family. I have my own memories of Bill and I will leave it at that.

I took the pups for an early walk around 8:30 because Kyle Foote wanted me to help him paint down at Lulu’s Hot Oven Pizza and Tortas next to Mi Ranchitos. I drove down by myself because I didn’t know how long he and Adrian Villalobos would be there.

Actually, we didn’t even go get the Turquoise Paint at Home Depot until after 10, before we started to paint. Adrian and I did most of the surface painting while Kyle did the detail work. We actually finished much sooner than Kyle thought we would and we went next door to have lunch at Mi Ranchitos, which Kyle also has been working for them.

The food is really delicious but I was, as always, rather full, and mainly ate corn chips, salsa, and guacamole. Adrian said his sisters and her kids have now made it into Mexico after crossing the river from Guatemala on rubber rafts. Kyle even talked about driving down to Nogales, Arizona after they reach the border to retrieve them back to Salt Lake City sometime this month.

            We were back home after 3:30 and the boys went down stairs to relax and I took a nap since I had been up since 5:30 this morning. I slept until 5 this late afternoon, took the pups for a walk, and then fed them their supper.

            I read a bit from “Silent Creed”, the next in the series I am reading but doubt if I will read anymore of her books. They are too serious with little humor and always too much graphic gore.

Before going to bed, I saw the moon shining in the east over the mountains. I hope others looked at the moon tonight. It was quite lovely, almost full, and quite luminous.  I always seem to feel the full moon effects on me, even when I don’t see it. The Full Buck Moon will be Monday and the first super moon this year. Merry Meet.

I also hope everyone stays safe over the Independence Day Weekend even though the 4th is on a Tuesday.  I won't rant this year about the incessant heterosexual male's juvenile obsession with blowing things up and making obnoxious booms that frighten pets and veterans with PTS.  The racket started two days ago over here, at all times of the day and night, even though we are in a no fireworks zone, and even then it’s illegal to set off fireworks in Utah after 11 p.m.  Laws don't apply to "patriots" I suppose.

The supreme court is losing its  credibility as that Trump put so many Fascists on it and Mitch McConnell rammed them through the Senate. So, tell me again how both parties are the same and why some choose not to vote Democratic or at all.

2 July 2023 Sunday

Jim Dabakis sent me a message saying today is Taco’s birthday as he came home with Jim on this date. Compared to yesterday, today was rather relaxing and I didn’t do much or go anywhere. Kyle Foote invited me to go with them to the movies to see “The Flash” which Adrian Villalobos wanted to see. I declined. If they would have chosen to go see the new Indiana Jones film, I may have gone.

            It was a beautiful warm summer day. It was warm into the 90’s but did not feel hot. So far we have had clear skies and hopefully we won’t have any California or Canadian wildfires that will drift our way.

 I mainly worked on researching Thomas Topham and Dora B Topham aka Belle London in Ogden for much of the day besides my usual routine.

            In the evening, the Polynesian family across the street began setting off fireworks in the middle of the street in front of my house. First time I ever remember anyone setting off Fireworks on Fernleaf. Usually, they are set off on Daleridge or Niles. Oh well.

            Ross Poore sent me a video of Bill’s Funeral held yesterday in Layton and as I expected it was entirely his family of nephews and nieces as his two sisters were too infirm to come.  It was a nice tribute I suppose with lots of nice things said about their uncle and how they will miss him. Lots of children and babies were there who will never know Bill as anything more than a family story if they talk about him at all.

            I saw that an obituary was printed for Bill and I posted it on my Face Book Page for his friends to read who are friends with me.

“ On February 6, 1949 William E. Poore appeared on the earthly stage. Times would never be the same. He was the son of Ross and Gloria Howard Poore. He was born in the Dragerton, Utah hospital. He primarily attended school in Price and Sunnyside. He was sophomore class president at East Carbon High School and was also active in speech and drama. The family relocated to Salt Lake City where he continued his education at Highland High School where he excelled in the theater department. He met Ersel Allred, who was his teacher, mentor, and lifelong friend. Bill graduated from Highland in 1967.

He started the University of Utah in 1967. After a year he joined the U.S. Coast Guard, serving for four years. His boot camp was at Alameda and then a year on a buoy tender in Alaska. He received radio training in New York. He served his remaining service in Astoria, Oregon and USCG Air-station, California. He was discharged honorably. [My notes he was in the Coast Guard while New York City just blocks away on the night the Stonewall Riots broke out.]

He returned to Salt Lake City and entered the “U” again. He was active in student government representing the College of Fine Arts. At graduation he was selected for the Beehive Honorary Society for service to the University of Utah. He graduated in 1976 with a BFA in Theater.

After graduation he was off to New York City and Broadway. [ With a boyfriend] He worked for the next ten years on Broadway at the Helen Hayes Theater and served as an assistant to several producers becoming associated with most of the leading General Managers, Press Agents, Playwrights, and Directors during that period. Plays he was associated with were Gemini, Fifth of July, Ned and Jack, Curse of the Aching Heart, and the Tony award winning Torch Song Trilogy.

He left New York for San Francisco, Hollywood, Palm Springs, and San Diego.

[All his friends were dying of AIDS and he was a recovering alcohol and drug abuser. He partied hard in Greenwich village lived near Washington Square and spent time on Fire Island as guests of Broadway producers]

He was a critically acclaimed director for over ten years. His own production of The Masseur was Pick of the Week for the LA Weekly and nominated for several awards. He also had his own acting studio and taught commercial acting in LA. He met and knew many stars including Ronald Reagan, Kathryn Hepburn, Sammy Davis, and Helen Hayes. He returned to Salt Lake to help his mother with her medical and personal needs.

He spent numerous years helping young people in treatment centers, sponsoring them in AA and other programs. He helped many change the direction of their lives and personal choices. He made a difference.

His last position was ten years as an Adjunct Professor in the Theater Department at the “U. He was appointed by the Board of Trustees in 2010. He especially loved working with the many football players in his introductory classes. He loved the job, his evaluations reflect that he was also loved by his students.

Bill was a complex personality, independent, brilliant, and committed to civil rights and dignity for everyone. He died a proud member of the LGBTQ community. [Actually, he was proud to be a Gay man but felt disconnected to the LGBTQ community] Cancer brought down the final curtain of his life on March 27, 2023. He was a warrior.

William is survived by his brother, Ross (Chris); sister, Jeannie Poore; sister, Janice Harvey (Jim); niece, Courtney Featherstone; nephews, Ben Poore, Justin VanBibber, Thomas Marcus, Todd Marcus, and Ryan Poore; and friend, Ben Williams.

Special thanks to Jim Harvey for his dedication and commitment to Bill’s comfort and care in the end. A private service will be held on July 1, 2023 at the Lindquist’s Memorial Park at Layton, 1867 N. Fairfield Rd.

3 July 2023 Monday

I made breakfast for Adrian and a snack package for him to take to school. I worked on the computer until it was time for me to go to Garff’s Honda to have my oil change. I have been researching Dora Topham alias Belle London and actually found when she died in Palo Alto California after she changed her name to Maxine and or Mary Rose.

My FIT appointment was at 10:30 and while there I had them also change my transmission fluid and brake fluids. I sat and waited for them to finish which was about 2 hours.  On the way home I stopped at the Glendale Smiths and bought a few items and then went to the Smith’s in Rose Park and filled my tank up. Gas had gone down to $3.89 but I had 10 cents off.

            Afterwards came home and puttered around the house and took a nap. It was the hottest day so far this year and it reached 101 degrees, our first triple digit this summer, but I walked the dogs in the morning and later in the late afternoon to avoid the heat.

I made baklava for the first time ever and while it wasn’t difficult it was time consuming to layer the phyllo dough. It's supposed to set for a day before eating so I made it for the 4^th.

When I was making the pups their dinner, we got a fierce wind storm but no rain out of it that quickly past over here although there was a weather alert for Northern Utah.

TJ wouldn’t eat tonight. Not sure whether it’s because of the weather of the smells from firecrackers and works in the air.  When the wind calmed down and I saw that we weren’t getting any rain I went outside and watered as the plants had taken a beating; sapped of moisture.  I also pulled up most of the Larkspur that was drying out and starting to go to seed.  I picked some zucchini for the first time this season also.

Kyle and Adrian came home together. Adrian’s KIA had issues and Kyle had to go get him and have the car towed. Kyle thinks it’s the clutch in the car. When they came home around 7:30, it was the only time I visited with them before they headed down stairs for the evening.

I decided not to finish the second Alex Kava novel Silent Creed. Even though I like that the main protagonist is a dog trainer, I don’t care much or the rest of the characters and the gory murders she writes about. She writes more suspense crime novels and I like my crime novels less serious with characters who are more light hearted like Agatha Raisin, Andy Carpenter, and of course Stephanie Plum.

It's been a year since Buster passed away peacefully in his sleep. No amount of time can erase the memory of a good dog. He used to make me smile at his happy face.

4 July 2023 Tuesday

It was a much cooler day, only in the low 90s, than yesterday. I spent the morning writing up information on Belle London and then went out to water the front yard as things were wilting from the heat yesterday.

            I pulled up much of the Larkspur yesterday so I decided to pull the weeds that grow up between the sidewalk and the street handicap ramp slope  in front of my yard. After cleaning that out I swept the gutter in front of my house and just generally cleaned up the yard as it was such a pleasant day.

            Kyle Foote and Adrian Villalobos got up around 10:30 and came out to see what I was doing and to visit. Adrian walked around to admire the color in my yard and his favorite flowers are the sunflowers and hollyhocks.

            Later in the day I went with them to get a drink at Common Cents then they went off to enjoy the day together. Kyle asked if I wanted to go but I declined. They should start building memories together as a married couple. When we went to Common Cents a rain shower came up so my yard was watered twice today.

            I was home by myself for most of the day and I must have been tired as when I laid down for a nap around 2:20 I didn’t wake up until 5 in the late afternoon. So, I got up and took Maxx, TJ, and Taco for a second walk around the quiet neighborhood. Lulubelle just doesn’t like to go anymore and hides. Strange. I fixed the pups some linguini, peas and carrots and chicken thighs for their supper.

            Anyway, I enjoyed my time alone this 4^th of July, well not alone with 4 pups, watching some television and eating some supper myself of a hamburger I made.   

The Battle for Fernleaf commenced around 8:30 and by dusk my yard was lit up from the red glare of rocket launches. I went out on the veranda and in every direction “bombs were bursting in air”. I don’t remember ever seeing so many go off, nor light up my entire yard at night. I’ve always heard the blasts that roared through the house but never so many fireworks.

Rose Park People probably are of the working class that couldn’t get away for the weekend so they spent their money on pyrotechnics.  I went to bed around 9:30 to cuddle with the pups who were worried but not hysterical like Priscilla and some of my schnauzers were.

There are suggestions that the Colorado “Christian” who case was decided by the Supreme Court to discriminate against Gay people may have been a fraud perpetuated by the right wing nationalists.

At the birth of the American Experiment, Conservatives sided with King George III to maintain their privileges and keep the Divine Rights of Kings while Liberals believed in the Age of Reason and the Enlightenment that people should have the rights of self-government.

The MAGA crowd have tapped into fascism wanting to be governed by a form of a King again supported by white Chistian nationalism. True Americans support the Constitution and not try to overthrow it.

Conservatives have always been trying to destroy America since the beginning.  It’s an ongoing battle but We the People will always strive for the General Welfare of Americans and fight for Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness against kings, tyrants, and oligarchs

5 July 2023 Wednesday

Happy 5th of July which is also a good play.  John Reeves took me to see it on July 5 1988 in Boston, Massachusetts, the  oldest continual theater in America. That was cool.

Bill Poore said he worked on the play by Lanford Wilson on Broadway. It starred  Christopher Reeves, then Richard Thomas. Bill  had long stories about that production and standing next to Superman in the men’s room one time lol. Yes he glanced at the well-endowed Superman.

I fixed breakfast for Adrian Villalobos and Kyle Foote took him to school this morning. I mainly worked on my research of Belle London’s early days in Ogden and other morning routines. I had to pick Adrian up from SLCC by 1 this afternoon so I drove the FIT down to retrieve him. He said that he had to borrow the FIT to go down to Murray because he forgot to give the mechanics his car keys there. So, he was gone with the FIT for the rest of the morning and I decided to get out and do some yard clean up as it was such a pretty day.

I hate it when I do something stupid and fall when I shouldn't have. I decided to fill the hot tub with the hose extension and replant the lone arborvitae bush next to the other three that survived from last year’s heat. I watered the shrubs and also removed the Virginia Creeper that had overgrown the hot tub deck. I wanted to clean the steps leading down from the patio to the garage, sweeping up the debris that accumulates there and had hosed the dirt down when coming down my feet went out from beneath me and I landed hard with my back and left arm slamming against the tiled steps.

 I laid there for a minute,  checked to see if I did any damage to my back, which I hadn’t thank Providence and was truly grateful that my head didn’t hit the patio which might have knocked me out.  I could have laid there until Kyle or Adrian came home.

So, I struggled and got up and besides some cuts on my arm I was no worse for the wear. I am sore but it could have been worse, but I am a tough old bird and besides straining my knee I was okay. I told Taco we are gonna have to wait a while before we go for our walk. Never a dull moment.  I guess I'll live to fight another day.

So, I rested then took the pups for an afternoon walk just to stay mobile. Kyle called me after reading my FB post and asked how I was and when Adrian came home he bandaged me up although I didn’t need it. I think he did it more to let me know he loves me.

Anyway, when Kyle finally came home this evening, he said that his bank canceled his debit card because he sent $500 to Columbia and they thought it might be fraud. He needed to borrow the Visa as he left a dinner bill down at Mi Ranchito when his card didn’t clear. So, he left with Adrian to go back down there to pay it.

I just watched Raymond Burr’s Perry Mason and a few sit coms before going to bed. I heard some die hards blow up some more fireworks but nothing like the Battle Zone from yesterday.

6 July 2023 Thursday

Adrian Villalobos was really late getting up for school this morning and barely gobbled down the breakfast I fixed him before we headed out the door. His classes on Thursday begin at 9:00 in Taylorsville and it was almost quarter to 9 when we left. I had to take the Terrain because for some reasons the FIT’s steering wheel was locked and I couldn’t start the car.  However, I dropped him off after nine so I know he was late for his class.

            Back home I fooled around with the FIT and managed to get the steering wheel to unlock so it was drivable again. Thank goodness.  Anyway, took the pups for a morning walk as it was pleasant outside in fact it sprinkled a bit this morning taking Adrian to college.  After that I made an appointment to have Maxx’s nail trimmed at the Wasatch Springs Vet on Saturday at 10:15. I need to do that also for TJ and Taco. I didn’t want to take them to the DOGPARK groomers as I didn’t want to mess with finding all their papers with shots and stuff.

            I finally got ready to have some cereal for breakfast when there’s a knock on the door and it was Rich Butler. I had him come in although at first he said he could only stay 20 minutes but actually stayed about 2 hours.

He and Brenda were in Salt Lake from Mesquite because Brenda’s 16 year old grandson was killed early Sunday morning in a car accident. He and a friend were out at almost 2 in the morning down in West Jordan when speeding they slammed in to a parked trailer bed that they didn’t see. Tavia was killed immediately and his friend died on route to the hospital. Brenda of course is beside herself and was still sleeping in their hotel when Rich came over to visit.

            I hadn’t seen a thing in the news about the car accident which you’d think there would be with 2 teenagers killed but there were a lot of deaths from accidents over this last holiday weekend including a Davis County police couple that was killed on a motorcycle just days after being married.

            Rich had a lot of news to share besides the tragedy as I hadn’t seen him in two years at least. He said his stepdaughter is having a baby in September so he will be a grandpa.  I mainly just let Rich ramble on like I always do as I was in no hurry to be anywhere. He said last year Brenda and he took Tavia and his younger brother to Knott’s Berry Farm so we also reminisced about our recollections of the park.

I miss Knott’s Berry Farm from my days in California more than Disneyland.  It holds way more memories for me. The Taco Bell I worked at during college was just off Western and Lincoln, close to the park and it was free to go to back then.

            Rich had to leave at 12:30 to go get Brenda because they were buying all the floral arrangements for the funeral which is next Wednesday. Tavia and his little brother lived with Brenda and Rich for a while over in West Valley before Rich kicked Brenda’s daughter Sierra out for being a mooch. Rich can’t stand Sierra who is basically homeless due to her own poor choices and had divorced her Polynesian husband years ago who had gone to prison for illegal gun possession.

I guess he has since turned his life around but why was a 16 year old joy riding at 2 in the morning? I don’t think Tavia had much parental involvement except through Brenda and Rich.

            After Rich left, I fixed me some lunch as I didn’t get any breakfast, then took a nap. Kyle Foote was picking Adrian up from school so I didn’t have to go out. I must really be getting old because I napped again until nearly 5,  when I got up I walked the pups, took the trash cans to the curb, and fixed supper for the pups.

I don’t think TJ is feeling well because he didn’t eat at all and after we went to bed I could tell his stomach was grumbling. Maxx was eating grass on the walk so maybe there’s a stomach bug going around.

            I didn’t see Kyle or Adrian any this evening but just watch some television.             It was reported that the temperature for the past couple of days have been recorded as the highest in history. It was in the low 90s here which isn’t bad at all for Utah.

7 July 2023 Friday

Kyle Foote asked me to keep the pups locked up with me until noon because he got little sleep last night as at 5 in the morning he was called down to Loco Burger and Manny’s because of a leak in the roof and he also got to bed really late last night. So, I took the time to just work on my research on Dora and Thomas Topham in Ogden.

I decided that only old people take afternoon naps so I will only take Siestas from now on because that sounds more exotic just like me. I took almost a 2 hour Siesta this afternoon.  I am not as exotic as Alan Anderson and Kyle Daniels because they are vacationing in Hawaii right now, and other friends are in Switzerland and Greenland.

            It was hot today, in the mid-nineties, but not a scorcher. I didn’t see Adrian Villalobos until in the late afternoon when I was fixing the pups their supper. He came up to fix himself some supper. Kyle came home around 6 and looked beat. Adrian was on his phone skyping with his mother in Columbia to visit. Sometimes I forget the marvelous technology we have because except for the internet I don’t actually use it. My cell phone is just a phone to talk with or receive messages.   

Kyle said that the $500 he sent the other day to Columbia for Adrian’s sister probably is lost.  Oh well I lose nearly $400 a month paying for a work truck that just sits because Kyle doesn’t want to deal with it and we don’t have the money to fix it.

8 July 2023 Saturday.

I took Maxx down to the Wasatch Spring Vet to have his nails trimmed and his parvo and Botello shots. That was $110 for the old boy. I made an appointment to have TJ’s nails trimmed next Thursday at 9:30 and he will need his shots also.

I walked all the pups early around 7:30 because I knew that were are really into the hot days of July now and we will have to go early and late in the afternoon or early evening. Before taking Maxx to the vet, I soaked the garden really well and later picked my first tomatoes.

            I drove Adrian Villalobos down to Mi Ranchito to meet with Kyle Foote and his sister Jamie Fultz who was having lunch with us. We were supposed to meet at 1 but she was running a little late so I started filling up on chips and salsa.

Kyle, I know, wanted to impress his sister on how well he is doing and how much he has accomplished. She also asked Adrian all about his family and I actually learned more about them. He’s the youngest of six, three boys and three girls. I knew one of his brothers is like an invalid being taken care of by his mother, but the other older brother has made it to Virginia where he works. His one sister Milagros and her kids are in Mexico City waiting for permission to enter the United States on their Venezuela Passports. Two other sisters are in Venezuela and Columbia.  It’s weird that Mexico might deport Milagros and her kids because they don’t want Venezuelans in the country but will allow Columbians in but the United States only want Venezuelans. What a  mess.

            We had a nice lunch and I ordered off the children’s menu which is also the senior’s menu. After eating Kyle introduced Jamie to the people he works with and took us over to the Lulu’s Pizzeria side to show us how that place was coming along. They started baking pizzas today for the first time to get used to the new equipment.

            Kyle had to stay so Jamie, Adrian, and I left around 3:30 and I was home by 4 just in time to take a siesta until around 5:30 before getting up and fixing the pups some supper. In the evening we went for another walk before calling it a day.

            I watched a biography of Oskar Schindler the Nazi profiteer who saved over a thousand Jews from the holocaust before going to bed.

9 July 2023 Sunday

Someone’s dog woke me up at 2 in the morning barking. I tried to go back to sleep but was wide awake at 3 so I just decided to get up and I finished up the Tophams from 1889 to 1899 and posted it to my sites. I finally went back to bed after 6 and slept until nearly 8:30 before getting up to walk the pooches.

            I spent most of the day organizing and writing up the Topham’s from 1900 to 1906 as I didn’t have much else to do. Kyle Foote fixed Adrian Villalobos their breakfast then Kyle was off to work and I didn’t see Adrian for the rest of the day. Kyle in the evening said Adrian is depressed over not getting much Door Dash work, his sister being stuck in limbo in Mexico City, and it will take $800 to fix the clutch in his car so he’s dependent on our vehicles.

Kyle offhandedly said it will be crowded here at the house probably next month as Adrian’s sister Milagros and her 3 teenagers come to stay until they find their own place. Well, we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

            Anyway, I made some zucchini bread this afternoon but it was more like a cake than a quick bread. I did go to the store to buy groceries for Adrian’s lunches next week and I bought a roast that was on sale that I put in the slow crooker. I guess Kyle said he and Adrian went to the store also.

            So, in the evening I put on music from the 70’s and washed up all the dirty dished that the boys had left from breakfast and my mess. Neither one of them will wash a plate even, but I don’t mind. I get into touch with the goddess within by putting my hands in soapy water to renew and cleanse. I know I am weird that way. However, listening to music while doing the dishes reminds me of my youth on Dale Street in the yellow kitchen.

            July 9^th will always be a special day. 54 years ago, I told John Cunningham I loved him. Also, in 1971 a special night in Texas set my course that eventually led me to becoming a Mormon and moving to Utah to spend most of the rest of my life in Salt Lake City.

10 July 2023 Monday

It was quite warm today in the high 90’s so I didn’t do much outdoors. I had to water some though because of the heat. I didn’t see Kyle Foote all day and just Adrian Villalobos for a bit this morning and at 1, when I went down to SLCC to bring him home.

 I worried a bit today how to fit all the Columbians in my small house when they arrive and how the pups will be affected. Oh well no use to worry or wonder until then.

It is now really into summer and sometimes the heat keeps me inside as much as the cold in the winter does.  I miss those summer days when I lived downtown at the Juel Apartment walking down to Liberty Park to watch the boys or summer nights walking over to the bars on west Second South.  I knew that time was magical so that is why I wrote it all down.

My Grandma Johnson passed away on this day probably 30 years ago now.

11 July 2023 Tuesday

I left the house this morning to go to Sutherlands to buy a replacement Aspen tree for the one that died. There were still a few left but basically all their garden and plants were gone. After getting a drink at Common Cents it was about time to go pick up Adrian Villalobos from SLCC. He said July 26^th will be his last day of classes for the summer term. He said today was his mother’s 65^th birthday

            I started to think how to rearrange my house to accommodate the Columbians. If they were all girls it would not be an issue but with a 14 or 15 year old boy, I thought he would need some privacy away from his sisters and mother. The best solution I could think of was to finally get rid of the double lazy boys in the front room, move the two smaller ones over to replace them and get a twin bed for the front room for the boy. Then the spare room would just have the mom and sisters. Well, it’s a plan but even then the spare room closets  will need to be emptied. Oh well, will cross that bridge when it comes.

I went to the Gay Men’s support group tonight and Blair Bateman led the group. We only had around 10 in attendance probably due to it be summertime.  Two new people showed up, one being a 62 year old man named Dave who had just come out of prison after 22 years last February. He said he had come out as Gay in prison so much of the discussion last night revolved around prison. Jed had been a Mormon chaplain for inmates and of course I told about my experiences with the prison system. The discussion always becomes eclectic talking about Mormonism, trans, and what it means to have pride.

For the first time after the meeting, I went to Wendy’s on 3^rd West by Target where a few of the men who go afterwards. I ordered a small chocolate Frosty which was $2.50 and not worth it, but the company was which was why I was there. Dwight Woods, Paul Milne, Bill Blevins, a Japanese fellow named Toshi, and Brent who initiated the after the meeting Wendy’s get together were there.

Bill Blevins has to go to the Cancer clinic this Friday for an MRI and Doug Taylor, who usually goes with him, is sick with bronchitis. I said that if Doug isn’t well by Friday to go with him, that I would go with him so he wouldn’t have to go alone.

12 July 2023 Wednesday

When Kyle Foote came home from going out to  R & R Barbeque with Adrian Villalobos for dinner, he came upstairs and we talked about the changes that will be happening in the house with 4 people moving in. I told him that I wanted the Lazy Boy sectional taken to the dump now that he has access to a truck so we can consolidate. I will move my two separate sitting chairs to where the lazy boys are now. He suggested getting a day bed instead of a twin bed but he agreed that the teenage boy should have his sleeping privacy away from his sisters and mother.

            He wants to rearrange my bedroom and also to move the front room credenza in so as to open up the living space of the house. There’s going to have to be a lot of changes for sure, mainly my attitude to adjusting to living with Spanish Speakers where I will be the minority speaker.

Well, who knew in my old age this would be my life. Kyle said he wanted the house to be accessible to large family gatherings when the rest of Adrian’s family comes to Salt Lake City.  Oh well at least I won’t be alone like Bill Poore was towards the end, even though I probably will confine myself to my bedroom eventually.

            I posted Dora Belle Topham’s creating the Citizens Investment Company to buy up block 64 for the Stockades Red Light district.

            Back east in upper New York and Vermont so much rain fell in two days to create havoc back there and Phoenix, Arizona is broiling with weeks of over 100 degree weather. So, far this year we have only had 2 days of 100 degrees but this weekend all that will change. Well, it is summer time.

The whistleblower that the GOP touted would bring down "the Biden Crime Family" turned out to be an agent for the Chinese. LOL How anyone with a half a brain can support the party of fascism is beyond me.  Sen. Tuberville of Alabama singlehandedly is holding up the promotion of 250 military officers due to his opposition of the military provide service women access to abortion.

13 July 2023 Thursday

I had an appointment at 9:30 to have TJ’s nail trim and a Bordetella shot this morning. He screamed like a banshee getting his nails trimmed. He hates that more than about anything but has to be done. My vet said that that TJ was an old guy, which I knew, but his chart said 13 years and 9 months. I think he might be even older than that as his age was just estimated when I adopted him.  I made an appointment for August 3 at 10 to have Taco’s nails trimmed and his shots up to date.

            In the afternoon Bill Blevins called and said that Doug Taylor was even more sick with bronchitis so I will be taking him to the Huntsman Clinic tomorrow for his MRI.  It will be in the afternoon so I went to the library in the evening to get a book to read while I wait for him. I am just grateful that I can be the one taking and not being taken.

            I picked up Adrian Villalobos at one and that was about the only time we interacted and I never saw Kyle Foote at all.  I am walking the pups earlier in the morning now and later in the early evening as its starting to warm up here but at least we are not sizzling like Arizona.

14 July 2023 Friday

I took Bill Blevins to the Huntsman Center  this afternoon for an MRI to see if his cancer is completely gone. He had no one to go with him and he's not supposed to drive after some other tests.  His partner Doug Taylor, who was going to take him has bronchitis.  I've known Bill Blevins for at least 35 years in the Gay community when I first came out.

I am just grateful that I am able to take him and am not the one being taken.  I brought a book so I could read there in the lobby but really didn’t get much of a chance. Part of getting old, as a Gay person, is taking friends to the hospital for various reasons.  "We are family" was not just a slogan and song from the Sisters Sledge  in the '80s.   For my generation it had real meaning as we only had us.

I kind of feel the same way now.  We took care of each other back then and we continue to do so today even as we are just becoming a footnote in the LGBTQ+ binary paradigm of today. Now like the song says “Grandmas sit in chairs and reminisce and boys keep on trying to get a kiss.  And the Beat Goes On.”

I stopped at Common Cents to get a Pepsi to take with me and while I was there, Adrian Villalobos drove up and came in to get a hot dog and a coke. I paid for his also. He said that he ran out of gas on the Freeway while out with a friend but I didn’t have time to hear all the details as I went to Smiths and filled the FIT. With a 10 cent discount I paid $3.65 a gallon.

I made it down to 45^th South and Atherton Street to pick Bill up at his townhouse with plenty of time and we visited along the way up to the Huntsman Cancer center. His appointment was a 1:50 and I picked him up as 12:45 so we had plenty of time but once there we really didn’t have much of a wait.

Bill Poore is a big man probably weighs around 300 lbs. so he had to go to another part of the medical complex that had a MRI large enough to fit him. We had to have “transport” take us and this young girl pushed Bill’s wheelchair for a subterranean  journey of about a quarter mile to get down from the Huntsman center to where the MRI is located. I trailed them and the gal didn’t quite know which location we had to be at. Our guide to took us down 4 elevators and 6 long hallways finally finding the right place. I certainly got my steps in today.

Once at the place the staff was waiting for us and Bill was taken back right away and I finally got a chance to sit and read, but they had some show piped in that was so loud it was hard to concentrate on my book.. Bill’s procedure was about an hour and a half, which was difficult for him as he is claustrophobic, as I am, and being so large, it is a very tight fit for him. However, when he was done, Bill had to go back to the main Huntsman center for a 5 minute procedure.

We had ground transport again but this time the guy looked like a homeless person, unkempt and his butt crack kept showing as he pushed Bill Blevins along but he knew the way back and didn’t take us a circuitous route.

Bill was done by 4:30 so drove him back home and I was home a little after 5 so I could walk the pups again and feed them their supper. Neither Kyle Foote or Adrian were home and when they did come in I never saw them. So that was my big adventure for the day.

When I went to bed my stomach was upset and I had to get up several times to take some Tums. I am not sure what that was all about. In the news it was reported that Elvis Presley’s’ daughter died a while back from complications from a bariatric surgery she had done with a  bowel blockage. I don’t know why they allowed her to have bariatric surgery as she never looked obese in any of her photos.

 I stopped being a baby when I had my last baby tooth  removed in 2015 on this day. I had it for 64 years.  It was hard to say good bye to the little fellow. Now 8 years later I only have a few teeth left and am gapped tooth. Oh Well. And the Beat goes on.

15 July 2023 Saturday

I had an upset stomach for much of the night so I had a restless sleep. I took the pups for a 7:00 morning walk as it was going to get super-hot today and on Sunday and Monday in the hundreds but not as hot as Arizona, although it may reach 105 degrees tomorrow.  I also watered the front garden.

I mostly have drought tolerant plants and perennials but they do need the water in the blazing heat.  I've got sunflower stalks over 7 feet tall but my hollyhocks burned up which usually lasts all summer. Tomatoes and zucchini are starting to be ready to pick. Too bad I don't like Zucchini.

The pups and I don't actually walk as much as we mosey. We mosey as every tree has to be sniffed and peed on, [by them not me] grass has to be chewed, Maxx has to lay on  his back and wiggle his butt in certain patches of grass. I take them twice a day, morning and evening, or Taco pouts.

It’s funny how Lulubelle refuses to go anymore and hides behind the lazy boys when I take the others. One time I took her, thinking she would get over it once outside, but she pulled on the harness nearly the whole way to hurry back to the house.   I guess she is like me. There's no place like home in our old age.

I was working on the computer when it shut down around 10, while I was researching Belle London aka  Dora Topham who once owned, in today’s money $16 million on Second South for her red light  Stockade in 1910.  The power went off in the whole North Pointe area. It concerned me because there would be no air conditioning for the pups when the house heats up.

Kyle Foote and Adrian Villalobos came up as there was nothing they could do either. Since the power was out it was a good time to do something. So, we took my sectional lazy boy, that I had for 13 years, finally to the dump. Kyle and Adrian did all the hauling of it down to the Mi Ranchito truck. It was more than time for it to go but I never had anyone to help before.

We also took the chain link post with concrete footing. It had been lying in my front yard since Kyle took down the chain link fence over a year ago. So that was the last of the chain link fence that Mike Romero and I had put in when we first lived  here in 1996.

Kyle wanted me to go with them so I rode in the back seat, barely able to climb into the big Ram truck.  We stopped to get drinks first at Common Cents then off to the dump which took no time. After that we had to go to Glen Keys on State Street then to lunch. Adrian wanted pasta so we went to Olive Garden in Sugar House. I really wasn’t in the mood  for Italian but knew I wouldn’t eat much any way so I just ate their bread sticks and some of the salad.

After we left Kyle mentioned about looking for a hideaway bed for the front room for Adrian’s nephew so I suggested Ashley’s Furniture. Kyle had an aversion to RC Wiley’s as being too Mormon.  Well, at first thought we were just going to get a fold down couch but we ended up buying a dark brown leather three person couch with a hide away bed. We also bought a bunkbed for the guest room with the bottom bunk being a full size mattress and the upper a twin. I qualified for instore credit of $2500 and the purchases were around $2000 so Kyle paid $500 of it and we financed the rest of it. The older salesman was impressed with Kyle’s fluency in Spanish with Adrian and Kyle said since I married a Columbian I needed to be.

We paid to have it delivered and assembled rather than us trying to carry a heavy couch up the stairs.  From Ashley’s, Kyle wanted us to stopped at Wal-Mart also on Third West. There he bought a huge 65 inch flat screen television. I mentioned to Kyle that Mike Romero had a leather recliner set in his garage that he wanted to get rid of which would match our new leather couch so he agreed to look at it because we were going to Sixth West and 5^th North anyway to look at a Mexican import store but that place was more of a grocery store and small café.

Mike was in Colorado for the summer but said we could have the recliners and I knew the code to get into his garage. The chairs were in good condition and the only thing wrong with them is that they don’t recline anymore. Kyle was worried about that saying how much I like to recline and I said that it wouldn’t matter. 

So, we hauled them into the back of the truck and took them back to the house where Adrian and Kyle hauled it upstairs. The recliner was in 3 pieces so it was much easier for them to bring them up.

The power was back on when we came home and Kyle took Adrian with him to meet some electricians down at Lulu’s Pizzeria and said they would be gone for about two hours.  Kyle talked me into getting rid of my last two recliner chairs and a little stand I had saved. I thought why not. The corners were peed on over the years and if I was dead they would have been trashed anyway. Besides, with the new leather couch and the recliner we got from Mike’s there will be plenty of room for people to sit.

I decided to do what I could, so I emptied out my long dresser and dragged it into the guest room so I could bring the credenza into my bedroom but first I had to do a lot of shuffling as my bed was going against the north wall and the computer and credenza on the south wall.  So, I worked my butt off only stopping in time to feed the pups some chicken thighs. They never got their evening walk.

I moved the upright chest of drawers into my room and was mopping and sweeping when they boys came home. I know Kyle was surprised that I hadn’t taken a nap and that I had moved all that furniture by myself.

They cleaned up the recliners really well. I told Kyle not to use the center divider section but just push the two seats together to make it like a loveseat which he did.  That way I can lay down on it like a couch to watch television rather than recline. I still arranged the front room so the pups can reach the recliners from Rich Butler’s built in window setting.

I was surprised that Kyle had bought the television for the front room. He said it only cost $250 and that is why he went to Wal-Mart. He mounted it where the old one was on the south wall and when Adain and he were done in the front room, they came into my bedroom and remounted the white headboard on the north wall behind my bed and mounted the former front room television on my south wall.

So, my bedroom is almost completely rearranged, which the pups will have to get used to but actually my bed is away from the entrance which will give me more privacy when the house fills up. I made up the bed so we would have a place to sleep tonight but tomorrow I will need to find new spots for everything that got shuffled.

Well, it was a big busy day and I suppose a change is as good as a rest but I am exhausted and sore but I am still able to make a change.

A lot of memories on Facebook are showing postings I made over the years fixing Bill Poore lunches and suppers as well as taking trips up into the mountains to sight see. I think we had fun the time we were together.

16 July 2023 Sunday

What a day of drama and heartache here at the house. I was wakened last night around 2 in the morning thinking I heard Adrian or Kyle come upstairs but was able to go back to sleep but I was up early about the same time in order to mop the front room again, change the dining room table around so we could use the bench as well as the chairs and took the pups for a walk before the day heated up.

            I was in the kitchen cleaning when Kyle and Adrian came up looking sour and Kyle said Adrian had something to say to me. In his Spanish and with Kyle’s translation he said he was divorcing Kyle. I was in shock to say the least. Then Kyle took off his wedding ring and threw it in the garbage and went back down stairs.  I made Adrian sit beside me to trying explain what was going on.

            The gist of what I could make out was,  to please Kyle, he agreed to a three way with this Peruvian kid and while he initially agreed to it he felt like Kyle was paying more attention to this kid than to Adrian and Adrian felt jealous and neglected and threw his ring at Kyle and stormed upstairs to sleep in the spare bedroom.

            Adrian kept saying he wanted to leave Kyle and go back to Columbia to be with his mother. I tried to talk and listen through the “Say Hi” app which doesn’t always translate idioms very well so I may have missed some of what Adrian was saying but he was extremely depressed and hurt but not crying. I think he was angry and upset as much as anything.

            Then Kyle sent a message to call him, and while initially he said Adrian could stay here, the more he was downstairs fuming, he said he wanted Adrian out of the house by the time he returned from work or he will put all his stuff out on the street. He was super angry but I knew much of what he was saying was from hurt by Adrian throwing his ring down and wanting a divorce. After all Kyle had done so much financially and emotionally for Adrian.

He said he was not sentimental like me and would be over Adrian quickly and wanted him gone. I just listened to him and didn’t say anything but knew I would never put Adrian out on the street.

            I don’t know whether this was their first three way after getting married, or ever, but from Adrian’s side, he only agreed to it because of Kyle’s sexual needs but he also complained that he and Kyle had not been “intimate” for often days at a time. 

I didn’t say anything but there’s your age difference right there, and also Kyle’s sex drive for Latino guys.  I guess what really set off the explosion was that Kyle was enthusiastically eating out this guy’s ass and not paying enough attention to Adrian.

            Anyway, after dealing with Kyle, I sat down with Adrian again asking him what was he going to do and if he had anyone here, if he left Kyle and I said to him that Kyle is so hurt that he wants him gone but I told him I would never put him out on the street.

            I had retrieved Kyle’s ring from the trash can but on the phone he said he would never forgive me if I retrieved the ring. I then told Adrian he must return Kyle’s ring but he must never tell him that I was the one who retrieved it, because giving it back to him would mean significantly that he still wanted Kyle as a husband.

            Kyle had gone off to work in the Terrain and I went into the spare bedroom to do the Herculean task of moving a bed and chest of drawers, general cleaning, and scrubbing the carpet and all the rest to make it ready for guests. I took a lot of stuff down to the FIT to take to DI as well.

            I was in the process of cleaning when I noticed that the Terrain was back out front so Kyle must have come home to have it out with Adrian. I knew I needed to stay out of it, as I did all I could this morning listening to the both of them and I didn’t want to be in the middle any more than I already was.

            I saw that their door was shut downstairs so I went back to work in the spare bedroom and worked until I saw Jim Dabakis pull into the driveway. Taco was excited to see him but I don’t think he was excited enough to go with him, which was okay because Jim just wanted to check in with him and to visit with me.

            Jim said he sold his condo in the avenue so now has no residence in Utah but stays with Steve at his place on Main Street and about 15^th South when he comes to Salt Lake. He said he’s tired of traveling right now and will be renting an apartment in Mexico City for about three months.

            Jim has a 25 year old assistant named Marco who seems more like a “companion” as much as an assistant looking after Jim, translating for him, and travels with him wherever he goes. He’s not a lover but just a youthful man who loves Jim and the niceties that Jim can provide but not as a ‘sugar daddy’.  He has an occasional Argentine model boyfriend who he gets together with once in a while like I do with Kimball Edwards. Thank goodness there are young good looking men who likes us old guys.

            I told Jim about Adrian’s sister who’s in Mexico City right now but was going to be living with me temporarily well that was if Kyle and he don’t split up. He wants to help them when he returns to Mexico this next weekend.

            We had a pretty good visit and caught up with our lives. I told Jim that the boys were having a spat and that is why they didn’t come up to say hi. I didn’t want to tell him how serious it was.  Jim gave me $300 for taking care of Taco which he really didn’t have to do but it will help when I take the pup in to see the vet in August.

            After Jim was gone I went back to work in the spare room, took down all the movie stars glamour pictures I had had for so many years. They were the last vestige of it being a movie room. I guess the large movie screen is still up that needs to be gone.

            I was super exhausted from moving my bedroom around yesterday and moving around the spare bedroom today but I went to the store to buy some fruit for Adrian’s lunches for next week if they reconcile or even if they don’t and he’s still here.

            Anyway around 7, after feeding the pups, Kyle came up looking a little emotionally exhausted and said he and Adrian have called a “truce” which is the closest he would come to say that they were still staying together. In fact, they were going to the movies to see “Mission Impossible”. I know they needed to get out and unwind after the emotional rollercoaster they were on today.

            I know that traversing Gay relationships when sexual non-monogamy is involved is extremely tricky. Sex can get in the way with jealousy and heartache, when with Kyle sex is purely physical and not emotional but with Adrian being Latin and so young, I think sex is emotional for him. So, they will eventually have to work out where Kyle can give more affection and attention to Adrian than anyone else who is in bed with them.

            So that was my day full of drama and reconciliation. I am their listening ear, to both of them, because I think they know I love them both and truly they both depend on me for a place to live if nothing else.  

Kyle earlier in the fight said he could not let Adrian interfere with his work because he finally found something he is good at and that he is being successful at and doesn’t want anything to get in the way of that. But I also know that having someone you love to come home to makes any success worthwhile. What is the old Mormon saying, “No amount of success can compensate for failure in the home”.

            I didn’t leave my room in the evening now that I have a mounted TV and could watch it in bed. Before that though, I starting going through all my stuff which I had just thrown together and tried to find a new home for them.

            I was too tired to actually go to sleep but just did, out of exhaustion. I think the pups all love the new bedroom arrangement. I know I do.

It was so hot at a record 106 degrees that the road buckled at North Temple and Redwood Road near Village Inn which is a busy intersection and Traxx line from the airport to downtown. I am glad I stayed home and only walked the pups early this morning.

17 July 2023 Monday

I woke up at 2 again this morning, and now that I can see out the bedroom door from my bed, I noticed that the kitchen light was on over at Victor’s house that is behind my backyard. So, someone must be coming and going.

            I was up by 6 to fix Adrian’s breakfast because Kyle said I would need to take him to school as he had to leave the house earlier than Adrian. I fixed him a ham and cheese omelet  with rice and sliced tomatoes from the garden as well as his afternoon snack of Tuna, and a tray of fruit, a banana, and some strawberries, pineapple, and mandarin oranges. However, he never came up at 7 and by 7:25 I knew Kyle was gone so I went into their room and Adrian was still in bed sleeping so I gently woke him and said he needed to get ready for school as it 7:30 and he usually leaves at that time. I placed his breakfast in a tray for him to take with him and we left about 7:50 for SLCC and he was about 10 minutes late.

            Coming back to the house, I walked the pups, watered the front yard, and had some breakfast myself of pancakes, bacon, and an egg. I then worked some more putting things back in place in my bedroom, mostly papers and pictures and going through drawers full of junk that some of which I tossed and some I found new spots for them.

             I picked Adrian back up at 1 in the afternoon, and it was 103 degrees and I think it was all the way up to 105 degrees by the time it was all said and done.

            After dropping Adrian back at the house, I went over to Michael’s to look at the cabinet he had brought down from Washington which he said I could have if I wanted but after really looking at it, I didn’t, but I took some bedding sheets  he had wrapped up in the garage that I could use on the new bunk bed when it comes on Wednesday.

            Stayed home the rest of the day, still tired out so I took a nap at 4 and slept for about an hour before getting up to feed the pups. I was in my room for most of the day and now that I have a TV in the bedroom I could listen to Pandora while I worked. I didn’t get to much on my research on Dora Topham just wrote in my journal and posting on this day in Gay Utah history.

            When Kyle Foote came home around six he asked if I wanted to go with him to R&B Barbecue because Adrian wanted BBQ chicken. He said he left for work at 5:30 this morning so it was a long day for him but Lulu Pizzeria should be open this Friday.

            We went first to the R&B on 6^th South downtown but they didn’t have any chicken which is what we went there for. I remember Bill Poore saying he got into  fight argument with the manager there once and would never go back. That was Bill towards the last few years.

So, we went to Woods Cross where we got dinner which I paid for all of us. Kyle was holding Adrian’s hand to and from and it almost seemed like the divorce drama never even happen.

            We ate dinner at home at the dining table which made it seem like we were once again a family. Fighting and quarreling are temporary issues but divorce is so final.

18 July 2023 Tuesday

I fixed Adrian his breakfast and packed a snack for him this morning and walked the pups before it got too hot. Then I decided it was time to mow the back yard again as some of the weeds were growing too much. That was a major chore and took about a half an hour and then I finished off the little bit of grass left in the front yard that takes maybe 10 minutes at the most.

Coming back in I thought I had made my bed up this morning  but I saw a lump under the covers. No surprise, Taco likes to burrow under the covers. I puttered around the house until it was time to collect Adrian. However, I was at Lucky’s Market when he called as he was out early again. Adrian is almost out of school. Just two more days this week and then next Wednesday.

My pups are not happy as I have put them on diet feeding them in smaller dishes. I am still feeding chicken and rice but smaller portion.

I went off the Men’s Support Group where this 27 year old boy named McKay gave his life presentation. It’s something the Blair Bateman and Bill Blevins has people do on occasion. This kid, the same age, came in kind of late who was hurting from a recent break-up as had McKay so after his presentation the group spoke about relationships. It was a good meeting and glad I went although it was a bitch getting there because the Freeway was backed up so I had to take surface streets and Adrian kept calling me to see if we had chicken and potatoes in the house. LOL He was making some soup for his supper. He was out of the house when I left so he had to call when I was on the road and I really do not like to talk on the phone while driving.

Kyle did not get home until after 9 tonight when I was heading to bed. Just a regular day thank goodness.

19 July 2023 Wednesday

I woke up again around 2 in the morning with a severe cramp in my right leg. It starts with my big toe being pulled up involuntarily then as I tried to move I had a cramp in my thigh. It was painful and I tried walking it off. It isn’t the first time that my right foot big toe involuntarily contracts.

            Adrian only had one class today for an examination, so he took the Terrain and was back home early around 10 o’clock. I had already walked the pups and started to straighten the house for the furniture which came around noon. The couch wouldn’t fit through the front door so they had to bring it in through the back door and across the back yard. I had Adrian help them lift it up the stairs as it was a middle-aged Latino man and young guy who were the delivery men .

            While the guys were putting together the Bunkbed, Adrian and I took off all the wrapping around the sofa bed couch. The dark brown leather matched perfectly with the love seat we put together from Mike Romero’s recliners.

Well on this summer day, the house of the Barking Dogs has new front rooms furniture after 13 years, a leather sofa and love seat and a bunkbed for the former movie room now spare bed room.

Kyle had to be at the Pizzeria all day so we sent him pictures but when he called I said he can change it all around once he get a chance if he wants.

I took a lot of kitchen items, electronics, and blankets down to Deseret Industry as I cleaned out some of the kitchen cabinets of things I never use anymore that was just taking up space. I also stopped at the Glendale Smith’s because Kyle asked me to buy him and Adrian some bottled water as they were all out. While there also bought two packages of Chicken thighs which were on sale for 99 cents a pound. That was a real deal. The other day I bought 2 dozen eggs at Lucky’s for 99 cents a dozen so they had really dropped in price.

I saw someone doing something in Victors back yard. I thought at first it might be him. I thought perhaps he was there to cut down all the weeds in his backyard but nothing was done. A Russian Olive tree has grown up by our Hot Tub deck and his Scottish Thistle is as high as the fence. Oh well.

I managed to take a little nap before getting up to cook the pups their chicken which I was doing when Jim Dabakis dropped by. I had Adrian come up from Downstairs because Jim wanted to visit with him and see how he can help his sister and her kids.  He asked if we wanted to go out to eat and since Adrian did we went to the Sugarhouse BBQ place because Adrian wanted BBQ again and I didn’t care.

The weather changed while we were out and a rain shower blew into the valley and while we were driving over there it was misting but by the time we left it was a steady drizzle.

At the restaurant, I ordered a kids meal of just two ribs and some coleslaw, while Adrian had basically the same as at R&R. He likes his BBQ chicken. Jim was hungrier I think and had a turkey platter. He had eaten there many times so knew what he liked but it was the first time for me.

Anyway, Jim had Adrian speak to a Venezuela kid he’s been helping who is in university down in Lima Peru. Jim was worried about him a bit. Adrian’s English got a work out with Jim and me, with the help of Say Hi app and that I have learned to understand Adrian’s mispronunciations. He’s come so far. Last Christmas he didn’t know a word of English.

Jim contacted a friend of his in Mexico to talk to Adrian to put some electronic apps on each other’s phones so Jim can help when he returns to Mexico on Saturday.

We had a really good visit and I just love Jim’s company as he is such a good person. I call him a good will ambassador. He’s helped so many Russians get out of that country as well as many Latinos in their home countries.

It was raining when we left and Jim wanted us to stop by Steve Jutesens’ townhouse where Jim stays when in Salt Lake. It’s a three story, certainly a million dollar townhouse bult up but not wide. It was filled like an art museum with Trevor Southey’s paintings on every wall as well as a few Andy Warhol’s and so many statues and sculptures and Sub Asian Indian artifacts. Lots of statutes of Ganesh the Elephant God.

Steven came home while there and visited with us; really impressed with Adrian as he is so good looking. I told him that Adrian had been Mr. Columbia in a pageant down there. It was a good visit and good to see that there was no acrimony between Steve and Jim after their divorce last fall.

Jim then took us home around 8:30 and I started getting ready for bed. Mike Romero called me from Colorado to visit as I had sent him pictures of the new couch and how it looked with the recliners he gave us. He’s staying at a camp ground called Jellystone Park, a play on the Yogi Bear theme, but he said none of John Romero’s kids or grandkids knew who Yogi Bear was. LOL

He's having a good time, and I told him I watered his plants and he said he wanted me to see if DI had a small cast iron skillet and I told him he could have the 5 inch one I had for his camper. He said the weather has been nice up in the mountains.

So, it was an eventful day. A happy one instead of a “drama” filled one.  

In a historic decision the ban on Gay men from donating their blood has been lifted. Blood drives were all the rage in the Gay Bars here in the 1970s. I am O- which is like the universal donor and was always in great demand. I think the last time I donated blood was in the early 80s before the ban was put in place. Since hemophiliacs and others needing blood transfusions were catching AIDS I understood the ban at first but as time went on it was just left over prejudice as anyone one who had multiple sex partners without protection and IV drug users were just as likely to catch HIV.

However, the stigma of having "tainted blood" stigmatized my whole generation of Gay men akin to the Nazis claim of non-Aryans having tainted blood. The ban was psychologically damaging adding to the general societal image that Gays were not only worthless, but we were also a menace.

Still, I might donate my blood, now that I can, if it can save lives. Gay men have always been more compassionate then the general population. That is why we survived.

20 July 2023 Thursday

Kyle took Adrian to school but I picked him up later around 1 this afternoon. Before that I went over to Michael Romero’s place and cut up his four huge television carton boxes he had down in his garage and put them in recycle bin and the Styrofoam in the garbage. When I was over the other day I noticed that he had them stacked in the garage just taking up space; now he will have more room in his garage.

When he called yesterday I said I would give him my small cast iron skillet but the cleaning out the boxes will be a surprise unless he was saving them. He said he would take all the framed portraits of the Movie Star divas I used to have in my movie room. They were of Mae West, Gloria Swanson, Joan Crawford, Bette Davis, and Judy Garland.  

I need to go mow his lawn soon also. After bringing Adrian home, I went to the 13^th South Walmart to buy mattress pads, a twin sheet set, some more pillows, an area rug, and few other items. That was around $70.  I noticed they finally have finished the construction on 13^th and 3^rd West.

Well Bill Poore had given me some money last winter to buy furniture and so I suppose the money spent fulfilled his wish that I don’t spend it on Kyle, as I spent it on Adrian’s family LOL.

At the house I spent much of the day making up beds in the former movie room now a spare bedroom.  I now have to find new spots for the things I have had stored in the closets in that room. I suppose more stuff should go to Deseret Industries.

Around 3 in the afternoon, Jim Dabakis came over to take Adrian to go see “Barbie” at the movies. I wasn’t interested in going myself as I wanted to continue rearranging the house while I still had a head of steam to do so.  I had just finished feeding the pups when they returned and Jim came up to say goodbye to Taco and I supposed me LOL. He did not like the movie at all saying it was very preachy about feminism and not campy and fun at all.

After he left I was by myself for the rest of the day as Adrian stayed down stairs and I went to bed before Kyle came home.

It was around 95 degrees today, just a typical July temperature but for Pioneer Day it’s supposed to get over 100 degrees again.

July 20^th will always be the day we landed on the moon about 5 weeks after I graduated from High School.

21 July 2023 Friday

I was worried about TJ as all night long he was hacking and trying to catch his breath. The vet last year said it’s from a heart condition old chihuahuas get and nothing they can really do to fix it.  So, I was kind of tired today from being wakened for much of the night.

I spent time in my bedroom trying to find a place to put things I had stored in the spare bedroom. Some I threw away, some I put in a pile to go to Deseret Industries and some of the Utah History books and Gay books I will see if Daniel Cureton wants. He has gone by the name Baron now for a while.

            I texted Kyle to see if he needed any help down at the pizzeria as he had slipped and fell yesterday. He said he was fine but asked for Adrian and me to come down around noon. I went down stairs to tell Adrian but he was still sound asleep so I let him sleep until 11 then woke him so he’s have time to dress and for us to go down.

In the meantime, I guess Kyle had texted Adrian and wanted him to pull something from the boxes in the garage that he needed and to also meet him at the State offices in Taylorville. Adrian drove us down and picked up Kyle before heading down to Lulu’s Pizzeria.  Kyle was at a meeting where the eatery was granted their liquor license today so he was jazzed about that.

            Once down in South Jordan, Kyle took us into Mi Ranchitos for lunch most of which I took home for later. When we were finished eating, Kyle had Adrian and me fill this refrigerated cabinet  full of beer glasses before Adrian took me home.

            Back at the house I wanted to go to Deseret Industries to drop off some items because they are closed on Saturday and would be on Monday also, for Pioneer Day.  While there I bought a twin size quilted blanket that will fit nicely on the twin bed at the house.

            After that I stayed home for the rest of the day, fixed the pups their supper, walked them and then just putzed around in my bedroom which is about the size of Bill Poore’s studio apartment.

            I read a bit from the Utah History books before going to bed rather than watch any television. After I had gone to bed at 9 I woke up at 11 to hear Adrian go into the spare bedroom and then later went back down stairs. Getting up to pee I checked the bedroom and he had messed up the bed so he must have been upset with Kyle again.  Well, what will be will be.

Tony Bennett, the singer, was 96 years old when he passed away today

22 July 2023 Saturday

I noticed Victor finally mowing his front and back yard this late morning and that the two Huskys are back.  The weeds in the back yard were the worse with lots of overgrown milk weed and Scottish Thistle. What I mess. I only left the house to go get a drink from Common Cents and walking the pups once early in the morning and later at 7 in the evening. 

            I read a lot from a book I had called The Gentile Comes to Utah by Robert Dwyer from 1971.  I had it for years but since I am going to get rid of a lot of my Utah history books I thought I’d reread this one for anything pertaining to West Second South.

            I took an extra-long nap almost 3 hours from 2 to 5 this afternoon. I think I am a little depressed over the fact that Adrian and Kyle had another quarrel last night. I didn’t see Kyle at all today and only Adrian, really in the evening when he came up around 8 to fix some dinner. He was out on the deck when I responded to a text he sent me.

 Evidently Kyle accused him of taking money from me saying that I had told him that, which I hadn’t. Any money I gave Adrian I kept secret because he asked me to and besides from the 1000’s of dollars Kyle took from me over the years he had a lot of nerve being upset with Adrian.

            Adrian texted me this “friend, you know that I love you and I love you very much.” For me, you are very important and I do not want our affection to change. But last night I had an argument with Kyle and he told me that I was using you to give me money that you told him that you gave me money and I told him Ben if he helps me sometimes he gives me for gasoline and things like that and I receive it because I know it's from the heart. So, my friend I really always appreciate your help but never say those things to Kyle again because he gets upset and I don't want to have any more problems with him but don't worry anyway I'll try not to ask you for financial favors.

“ And if I did it, it was because you know I'm out of work and I didn't want to bother Kyle and ask him for money. I told you that at the moment I can pay you back so you help me sometimes, but I don't want those things to be known. You said it would be a secret and I trusted you. Well, what happened, friend?”

I had to tell Adrian that I never told Kyle anything and he must have guessed that Adrian must have had some money from me. I told him that marriage is harder than having a “boyfriend” and that sometimes there is something in Kyle that just sets him off, and after his explosion he gets quite contrite. I said I love you both and don’t want to interfere in your relationship.

He assured me that he doesn’t want to divorce Kyle and I said he needs to concentrate on his schooling. If he learns English well enough, if he and Kyle do separate, he will have the skills for a good job.  I gave Adrian $100 from the money Jim Dabakis gave me and said don’t spend any of it in front of Kyle not that I want to keep a secret from Kyle but that a young man needs some pocket money to be somewhat independent. I know how it feels to be totally broke.

It was hot today. The temperature reached 106 in Salt Lake City becoming the hottest July 22 on record and falling just 1 degree shy of the hottest day ever in Utah’s capital city. Even after 10 p.m., it was still 90 degrees out. The pups were all laying on the cool floor. How awful for the over 1500 people in Fair Park and Poplar Grove along North Temple who were without power for most of the day. I am so grateful my AC is working.

23 July 2023 Sunday

Took the pups out at 730 for their constitutional, watered my flowers, trees, and garden and picked some of tomatoes...one's really huge.  Too bad no one is eating them but me. Before Kyle Foote left for the day he asked if Adrian and I would come down to Lulu’s “Hot Oven Pizzeria and Torte” place for lunch. I said sure and around 12:30 I took Adrian down there. It was a trial run as the place wasn’t really set up the way it’s going to be but Kyle took our order of two small pizzas and drinks.

I guess there’s a truce again between the two and Kyle acted like all was okay but I think his behavior is chipping away at Adrian’s puppy dog love for him. We stayed until about 3 and we were the only ones in the place even though the sign said it was opened.

            Adrian’s sister is now in Juarez on the border with El Paso. He doesn’t know how long they will be there. It could be days or weeks. Kyle later said that Adrian wants to go with him to New Mexico when they are ready to come to Salt Lake. As the Terrain would be two small for six people he will probably have to rent a minivan.

            I really didn’t do much else as it was another record breaking hot day at 105 degrees. I read all that I was going to from the books I am giving to Baron Cureton and watched a movie called “Annihilation” before going to bed.

24 July 2023 Monday

Well, it certainly was not a Pioneer Day like I used to celebrate at Liberty Park but I didn’t spend it alone as that Roy Zang brought with him Andy Dalrymple for a long afternoon visit.

            I walked the pups around 7:30 this morning and then water some in the front before settling in to do my writing. Roy Zang texted and said he wanted to come by today to say goodbye before he and Tony Lovel  leave this Thursday for California.

            So, beforehand, I went to Wal-Mart and bought cases of Caesar Dog Food and Purina chow as well as treats like Waggin Train’s dried chicken strips, TJ’s Nudges grillers, some Purina Beggin Strips and Good N Fub flavored Rawhide Dog chews.  For me I bought a bag of salt water taffy, some Hersey Dark chocolate chunks, fig newtons, and some peanut butter cookies. I kind of splurged and spent nearly $90 all in all. Oh well.

            A few packages were delivered which I brought down to Adrian who was talking to his family. I guess his sister and kids have crossed over into the United States now and are probably being held on the Venezuela status. I have no idea what more is going on as I never saw Kyle all day.

            When Roy and Andy came over we had a long gossipy visit about our feelings about the Pride Center, the Gay men’s community, the Trans community, our lives in general and people we knew.

Roy will be moving to the Echo Park part of Los Angeles where he will pay less for an apartment there as a resident manager than here in Salt Lake plus make a good salary. He’s excited to live in a place that is not so red like Utah anymore. But he knows he is cutting ties with his past. His mom still lives here so he will be back a lot I am sure to visit.

            The guys left around nearly 4 after a 3 hour gossip session and I just puttered around and started cooking chicken for the pups. I fried some fish up for Adrian but he was gone and I didn’t see him until nearly 8 in the evening.

            I started to walk the pups around 7:30 but half way down the block some people were setting off fireworks that scared TJ so much that I took them all back home.

 Around 8 a quick rain storm passed over us here by the airport with thunder claps. It was a soaking rain that lasted about 15 minutes and Adrian had come home about that time.  The rain I think also dampened fireworks for the night because so few were set all in the neighborhood compared to the 4^th of July when usually the 24^th has a greater number of explosions.

            This day is very nostalgic for me because I was in Liberty Park in 1986 when Billy Bikowski came riding by on his mountain bike and stopped to talk to me. He was wearing cutoff jeans and he melted my heart which led to a sad unrequited love affair.

            In 1969 the Gay Liberation Front was formed in New York City on this date which, while I was entranced by my love of John Cunningham, I had no idea how Gay Liberation over time would impact  the rest of my life.

Florida is taking heat for DeSantis handpicked fascist state school board having as a standard that African Americans benefited from slavery because they learned trades as slaves.

25 July 2023 Tuesday

I was out and about more than usual as that around noon Kyle asked me to meet him on 35^th South and West Temple to hand me his debit card to Adrian for him to use. Then at 3, Adrian came up while I was napping to ask what the address to the barber shop at Trolley Square he and Kyle goes to because he had a 3:30 appointment. It was easier for me to just get dressed and drive him there.

I waited while he had his hair cut and then came home and fixed the pups their supper as I had to go pick Andy Dalrymple up at 6 to go to the Gay Men’s support group. He asked if I’d take him since he doesn’t have a car anymore and he lives off of first South and 2^nd West in Japanese Town at the Senior Ethnic Center.

            The meeting was lively and the topic was on regrets and I basically said I had no regrets because everything that I did made me the person I am today.

There was a very striking good looking man named Dave who came for the first time although Andy said he had attended last week’s Wednesday men’s sack lunch. He was tall, very handsome and was just coming to terms with being Gay. He said he went to the “Bi-Polyamorous” group that meets upstairs but it was definitely not for him.  Anyway, there was a good turn out  with the old familiars there.

            It was warm today, the weatherman said around 100 but hearing what it’s been in Arizona and Palm Springs California this doesn’t seem that hot, well especially when I am not having to be out in it.

            I walk the pups early and late; so, the sidewalk can cool down, but they also walk a lot in the grass parking strips along the way.

            I guess Adrian’s sister and her family are still in Juarez having been turned back at the bridge into El Paso.

26 July 2023 Wednesday

I was up early to fix Adrian his breakfast and he never came up at 7 so I went and walked the pups at 7:30 thinking Kyle must have taken him as the Terrain was gone.

 While out, a neighbor lady named Deb, who walks her pup with another lady named Olivia were out. Deb lives on Newton Park and Olivia lives on Niles.  

Walking the pups home on Niles I stopped to talk to Olivia, an older Latina woman who lives alone and who has lived on Niles for 23 years. We visited some and I told her I had lived in the neighborhood since 1996  and was the 3^rd house built.

            Anyway, we had a good visit and when I came back to the house I had a message from Kyle saying that he had taken Adrian to the Emergency Room at St. Marks because he had severe abdominal pains. He was afraid it might be appendicitis but after the MRI they said it probably was kidney stones.

            To get my mind off of it as there was nothing I could do while they were at the ER, I took the lawn mower over to Mike Romeros’ place and mowed his front yard that had over grown with weeds again. Since I was there I finished cutting up what card board and Styrofoam was left from last time. Mike called as I was there because an alert on his phone said the garage door was opened and I said it was just me. I told him about Adrian and he thanked me for looking after his place.

            Kyle and Adrian came home not long after I came back to the house. They gave Adrian a shot of morphine for the pain and he looked pretty drowsy. He was hungry and finally ate the breakfast I had put up.

            Kyle went off to work after eating and Adrian went back to bed. Kyle did come back home early to look after Adrian. So that was the adventure for the day.  

The rest of the day was just research on Dora Topham Queen of the Underworld, feeding the pups their supper, and walking them in the evening.

In some places of Salt Lake, it rained hard and the U of U got a quarter of an inch but we didn’t get a drop so I had to hand water my yard.

            I watched a couple of episodes of the “Righteous Gemstones” before heading to bed.

27 July 2023 Thursday

I fixed Adrian his breakfast for school for the last time this morning as his summer school at Salt Lake Community College is over.

            I walked the pups this morning and evening and also went to Lucky’s for some groceries. That was my big adventure for the day. I worked on finishing up Dora Topham’s 1910 research and had spent a lot of time on it.

            Didn’t really do much else. I spend a lot time by myself as Adrian was either gone to school, at the gym, or downstairs. He said he is feeling much better. Kyle came home to eat supper with Adrian of some pasta and Ragu spaghetti sauce he made.

While sitting at the commuter, I looked out and saw such a beautiful summer sunset this evening. It was full of clouds reflecting Oranges and yellows. I had to post a picture of it and I guess Kyle and Adrian saw it as they came up and sat on the veranda.  They want me to go to Lagoon this Sunday but I won’t.

28 July 2023 Friday

Rich Butler and his wife were in town for his step daughter’s baby shower and he came over at 9:30 this morning to visit. Who knows when we will see each other again? We just chit-chatted, reminiscing mostly and he had to leave at 11:30. When he left I hugged him and said I loved him. I’ve known Rich almost 30 years ever since Mike Romero worked with him at Big A auto parts around 1994.

            I didn’t do much today but finished writing up the impact of Dora B Topham had on Salt Lake City and Ogden in 1910. By far she was the most influential business woman at the time and had great sway over politicians and the police of Ogden and Salt Lake. She was worth millions in today’s money and owned a huge chunk of real estate in both cities. 

Dora Topham was also known as Belle London who controlled most of the sex trade in the two cities. She had the protection of Salt Lake City’s mayor who wanted the sex trade and brothels removed from downtown to west Second South where a red light district was built by her. She employed 100s of sex workers and scores of others who attended them.

In the late afternoon I went to Deseret Industries to buy some more shorts as I wanted to have a shirt and shorts outfit to wear for each day rather than the same all the time. I went a little after 5 because they close at 6 and it was so crowded more than when I usually go in the morning. I guess people go after getting off work. Lots of Latinos buying household goods. I bought 2 pair of shorts and I found a large, glazed planter ceramic pot for 8 dollars.  Ones I had bought before were around 30 to 40 dollars so I had to buy it.

When Adrian came home from the gym in the evening he wanted to make rice pudding and asked if I had any cinnamon sticks, which of course I didn’t so I took him to Lucky’s to buy some other stuff including a case of Coca Cola.

Before going to bed, I noticed on People of Utah History site on which I have posted scores of stories on people of Utah and was one of their top contributors, that the administrator deleted my post on Dora Topham because of 3 complaints that I was posting too much about her.

Well,  it’s not my page but I also don’t like being censored so I left that group and deleted myself from it. It was their loss as most of my other postings on that site had  many likes and positive comments but I guess Dora Topham was a bridge too far.

 What upset me was that no one was forcing anyone to read my posts and people could have just scrolled past it but now anyone who wanted to read it couldn’t. I noticed I had one like on it before it was deleted.

29 July 2023 Saturday

The month is nearly over and compared to last year when Kyle had me working cleaning up the mess that came from leveling the back yard and putting up a rock wall, this summer has been basically uneventful.

I need to do something about the Ford F350 work truck that is sitting on the south side of the patio. Kyle is not going to do anything about it and I am paying nearly $400 a month for nothing. The catalytic converter was stolen off of it so it will cost a lot to even fix it to get rid of it.  

I changed my dental appointment to August 9 because Adrian’s ER visit that day and he says he is feeling much better but who’s going to pay that bill? Kyle’s $1800 payment to the Tooele Court is due soon.

He called me this afternoon and asked me to reconsider not going to Lagoon. I rarely say no to Kyle but I can’t see spending $90 which is the cost to go to Lagoon these days, just to sit in the Pavilion area with people I don’t know, probably mostly speaking Spanish who won’t know who this old guy is. 

He kind of guilt trip me by saying they wanted to spend time with me but how much time will be spent with Adrian wanting to go on all the rides? If they wanted to spend time with me why don’t they just come up and visit with me more often or allow me to come down? Oh well I guess I am being like Mom and just being bitchy.  

I do miss getting away with Bill Poore on our little excursions even if he was deaf and I had to just drive and listen to him reminisce. Sometimes I think about calling Chuck Whyte to see if he would like to go for a drive but going with him I might as well go by myself. It would be like the last time he wanted me to go with him to lunch and we never visited nor could he remember much to visit about.

Oh, the joy of growing older. Your contemporaries are either decrepit, have early dementia, or dead and the younger people have no shared experiences with which to relate. 

I think that is why I was upset when my post about Dora Topham was deleted like it was deleting me and my value as a researcher.  Oh well I still spent much of my time today researching the Lofstrom’s accusations against Dora Topham which allowed the Mormons to topple her after the American Party abandoned her.

30 July 2023 Sunday

Kyle and Adrian went off to enjoy a day at Lagoon around 10 this morning so I didn’t see them for the rest of the day after they had breakfast. I walked the pups early around 7:30 this morning and again in the evening. That was their adventure. Mine was when I went driving around downtown this afternoon to get out of the house and to reminisce about the old Salt Lake City; the one that existed when I was a young man. It’s mostly gone with high rise apartments where shops and eateries used to be. 

The joy of living downtown was the variety and diversity that once existed there. All the Gay bars and clubs I once enjoyed with my friends are all gone.  Two apartment buildings, the Juel and LaFrance where I helped plan and organize a Gay community have been torn down.  So has the building that once housed KRCL where I did a radio program called Concerning Gays and Lesbians.

I drove down 6th East from where I used to walk the four blocks from the Juel between 3^rd and 4th South to the MCC Church near 8^th and 9th South where Bruce Barton used to give his rousing sermons. I noticed that 9th South is now so convoluted that one can't even enter Liberty Park without some difficulty.  

I am so old I can remember when you used to be able to drive down the middle of the park and circle back around back in the 1970’s and people would cruise going in both directions. I once picked up a guy in the park in 1979 and brought him back to my duplex on Bryan and 13^th East where he tried to fuck me and it hurt. Lol. I hadn’t been fucked since 1972 by that man I met in Long Beach one night.

The park was way crowded today with a lot of vendor tents along the path ways. I wonder when they started allowing that.  I miss going there and laying out on the lawn with my Circle K big drink and a Sunday Paper I would read while watching the boys go in and out of the old restroom  that has long since been town down.

From there I drove through the old 9th and 9th area remembering the fun times I had at the Tower Theater and going into Cahoots for the free homemade cookies the owner always made. Cahoots used to be much Gayer and had more paraphernalia for the community.

I also drove by Bill Poor's apartment where 6 months ago I was cleaning it and taking care of him. It looked like it had already been rented out because there was a house number posted outside the door that hadn’t been there before.

Driving down by the Tryangle Bar on 9th South, the street looks like a whole new community of housing, coffee shops, and boutiques that had replaced the dilapidated houses that were once there.  I didn't recognize anything.

West Second South between 5^th West and 6^th West is for me my biggest “future shock” change. Within 2 years the whole street had been transformed. Only my memories still exist from the old In-Between, Back Street, and the Sun.  My friends from those days are all phantoms. Even the Deer Hunter's lot has been leveled on 3rd West and you would never have known that a premier Levi-leather bar ever existed there.

Nothing is constant as change and I suppose that is why I just as soon stay home with my memories and let the world wag on without me.

On a positive note, it was a beautiful summer day to take a drive.

Back at the house it took almost all day to cook some black beans and two batches of Spanish Rice I tried to make turned out awful and had to throw them away. I don’t know why I bother to cook anymore.

31 July 2023 Monday

The weather is cooling off finally out of the 100’s so that’s good.  The end of another July is upon us but it was not nearly a scorcher like last year, not that I was out doing much either.  After my morning routine I finally called Utah First Credit Union to find out what is going on with the three loans I have been paying on and find out what each one is for.  

As I didn’t have an account number I had to answer all these questions to prove the account was mine and one of the questions was if someone else was on the account and of course I knew it was Kyle who opened two of them without my permission, for the Ford Work Truck and one for $60,000.  That one I am sure was supposed to be for the solar panels but he had to have added an additional $30,000 without my knowing it.

The pay off on the Ford work truck is $17,309 and I am paying $372 a month for it.  I owe $9,500 on the Honda Fit that I pay $293 a month for. The biggest surprise to me is the $60,500 I am paying for that I have no clue what for. I thought it was solar panels but that was supposed to be only $30,000. I pay $406 a month for that alone. I finally have my account number for the Utah First Credit Union which is 848120. I pay $1,071 a month for those three bills which is nearly a third of my retirement income.

I had an idea that if I could take out a second mortgage and pay these bills off my monthly expense would be less. I went to the America First Credit Union in Bountiful but talking about my options an equity loan would almost be the same monthly payment so I guess I will look into a second mortgage.   I suppose I could pay off the car from my retirement account.  Well at least I know what I am up against.

            I didn’t do a heck of a lot after that. Mike West sent a video from Pride Day ’93  which I posted on line. That was fun seeing the Saliva Sisters perform again. Walt Larabee was the MC for the event in Murray Park.  I think I missed that year as I had no way to get down there on a Sunday because buses didn’t run and I didn’t have a vehicle at the time after Jeff Workman left me and I was kind of burned out with the whole Pillar newspaper fiasco.

            I didn’t see Kyle at all today and only Adrian briefly as he was cleaning the place downstairs where they live for free.

I called Jim McMullin this evening to see how they have been since I hadn’t heard from them since the wedding. I guess Jim had some treatment for skin cancer on the top of his head and in October he and TJ are traveling to Iceland to see the northern lights.

            Before heading to bed, I sent a message to Andy Dalrymple asking if he wanted a ride to the men’s group tomorrow and he did.

            Sad news in that Paul Reuben aka Pee Wee Herman died of cancer today at the age of 70. Facebook was all lit up with comments about him and how we all loved his character.  He was more beloved than most. 

AUGUST

1 August 2023 Tuesday

Merry Lammas to all. Lammas is one of the most underrated Cross Quarter Days, coming midway between Summer and Fall. It’s truly one of my favorite times of the year and is called the First Harvest as grains, vegetables, and fruit begin to ripen.

It's also beckoning us to have summer fun in the mountains, lakes and beaches as summer begins to fade. Enjoy the Sunflowers in your gardens or along the road. Merry Meet

This morning I pulled some weeds and cut down some overgrown sunflowers that were hugging the sidewalk. I did some watering also.

Kyle wanted Adrian and me to come down to Lulu’s Pizzeria to help him with unpacking and mounting the series of television monitors for down there. We stayed from 11 until 3, with me mostly unpacking and getting rid of the garbage while Adrian helped Kyle place them in locations on the wall.

For lunch we stopped and went to R & R BBQ because that is where Adrian wanted to go and I ordered a child’s meal of a pork slider which I took a lot home with me.

This late afternoon the wind kicked up something fierce and knocked over a few things on my front porch but we didn’t get any rain out of it although it looked like north of us was getting pounded.

            In the evening I went and picked up Andy Dalrymple to take him to the Gay Men’s support group whose topic was on bullying. It was a small group only around 10. Doug Taylor was back and said he was feeling much better.  I saw Curtis Price pastor of the First Baptist Church there in the Pride Center counseling someone and I said hi to him. It’s been years since I last saw him.

DOJ prosecutor, Jack Smith, in a historic move indicted Trump for the January 6th Insurrection. Fox News is having a meltdown over it.

2 August 2023 Wednesday

I must have been visited by the dead last night. I dreamed of Mrs. Sullivan, my cousin Kay’s grandmother, Grandma and Grandma Johnson, my mom and of all people, my cousin Francis Ann Williams. We were at some place and visiting. It was  a strange and  the eclectic dream.

            I woke up early having gone to bed early last night, tuckered out, and I saw that Elbert Peck, a blast from the past,  wanted to meet up with me. I emailed him back and said sure. We are meeting this Friday at the Salt Lake Roasting Company at 1 in the afternoon.

            When I took the pups for their morning walk I could tell we must have had a pretty good rain shower last night because the ground was still damp and there were puddles in different places. Later in the afternoon we had a good steady rain here in Westpointe by the Jordan River. We need it and Sterling Paulson the weatherman for Channel 2  said it rained 1.25 inches here at the airport the most in a single day in years.  West Valley was pounded with over 2 inches of rain.

            The pups and I took a siesta during much of this rainy day and when I did get up Adrian was trying to make some rice pudding. However, he didn’t boil the rice first and just added it to the sweetened milk concoction and the rice never softened even after several attempts of me trying to fix it for him. We ended just throwing it out.

Another adventure was in the evening Adrian wanted Exxon’s Common Cents hotdogs so we went out to get them but at the checkout their computers went down so I couldn’t use my debit card. Adrian had already slathered up two hot dogs and bought some potato chips so I scrounged $3.00 in change from the car. I paid that and I said to one of the kids working there who I knew and knew me that I’d pay the rest when I come back. I go nearly every day to get a Dr. Pepper so they know me.

I took Adrian home, scrounged up some more change, including the last of the Sacagawea dollar coins  that I still had from my school retirement and after I walked the pups, Adrian and I went back to the convenient store. The computers  were still down but I paid my bill of $4.30 and just gave them the rest of my change I had in pennies, nickels, and dimes because I said they might need it with people only paying with cash. It’s funny how I rarely have cash anymore and just depend on a debit card to make simple purchases.

3 August 2023 Thursday

The Monsoons are bringing lots of rain to us here in Westpointe, west of the Jordan River. It’s a nice rainy morning after the long dry heat of the July we had.  I know the plants which suffered, are loving it as much as I am.

            I took Taco Belle to the Wasatch Springs Vet to have some shots and nails clipped. Lulubelle goes in on Monday the 7^th at 9 for a grooming. She sure has been wetting in the house more lately. I wonder if she is having bladder issues.

            At the vet’s Taco did not like his nails clipped at all and the vet said that two had actually broken off which must have hurt him. He also said that he had some bad teeth issues and suggested a cleaning so I contacted Jim Dabakis who said to go ahead and schedule him an appointment and he would send me money for it later.

            Jim also sent me tickets to see Beetlejuice at the Eccles Theater which I sent to Kyle as he said he’d like to go. It rained a lot overnight again and there was flooding in northern Utah up by Corrine where 6 inches of rain came down. The monsoons really cooled the weather off even if it was a bit muggy.

            I took Adrian grocery shopping in the afternoon because he wanted me to make the Tuna Casserole I did the other day except this time with Chicken so I had to buy a roasted chicken and while there some thighs for the pups. We did other shopping as well.

            Kyle asked if Adrian and I would go down to Mi Ranchitos at 9 tomorrow for a couple of hours. I said I would but had to leave at 11 promptly because I was meeting a college friend at 1. He didn’t even inquire who it was with.

            So, I was busy in the kitchen making the chicken noodle casserole, showing Adrian also how to make “white sauce” and never was able to get much of a nap.

In the evening I watched the finale of The Righteous Gemstones which was probably the last of it as they summed up all the characters.

            Adrian was in the kitchen wanting to make a pizza sauce when Kyle came home. They were fussing around in the kitchen so I left the front room and just went into my bedroom so they could be together.

            It was lightning outside and when I went to bed I could hear it raining again.

            Forty-Five years ago, today in 1978 Rachel David tossed her children off the 11th Floor balcony at the International Sahara Dune Hotel at 206 South West Temple because her polygamist husband Emanuel David had committed suicide on August 1st. She wanted her children to join them and then she jumped. Horrified on lookers were helpless to stop it. One child survived.

I remember that day so well...as does anyone who lived in Salt Lake City and is still living. Lori Daybell was just sentence to prison for killing her two children the other day for her religious delusions.

Religion in Utah can truly bring out the wackos hence the Allred and LeBaron polygamy murders of the 70s and 80s and the granddaddy of them all the  Meadow Massacre of 1857.  By the way Sen. Lee is a great grandson of John D Lee the only man executed for the atrocity.

When I went through the Temple back in 1975 they still had the blood oaths that I would have my throat slit and guts torn out if I revealed the endowments.  They have long since been removed it from the temple ordinances as now they are building Temples almost like Starbucks LOL.

4 August 2023 Friday

We had a good steady rain last night with lots of lightening. I love summer showers. This morning Adrian and I went down to Lulu’s in South Jordan to help Kyle. He wanted us there at 9  and we were. It’s 20 miles down there as its around Redwood Road and 108^th South. We mostly helped paint a wall that needed touching up and not much else.

I only stayed until around 10:45 and left Adrian there because I wanted to get home to get ready to have lunch with Elbert.

When I came home I made an appointment for Taco to have dental work done at Wasatch Springs clinic for this Tuesday at 8 in the morning. Monday Lulubelle goes in for a grooming.

I left around 12:30 to go downtown to the Salt Lake Roasting company on 4^th South past Eight East. That was a big mistake, as there was no parking when I arrived and after I did find a spot inside they didn’t serve food so Elbert and I just left and went down the street to Village Inn where we could sit and visit for hours.  The  place holds so many memories for me of days from Gay activism in the 80’s, some with Chuck Whyte, and many more with Bill Poore.

The place was nearly empty when we sat down and Elbert ordered a grill cheese and I ordered a patty melt that I only took a few bites out of and ended up taking it to go. I spent more time visiting and catching up than eating.

Elbert Peck lived with me in the same dorm at Helaman Halls at BYU 50 years ago in 1973. We sporadically kept in touch over the years as he was editor of the Sunstone Magazine and worked for the Salt Lake Tribune. He knew me as the Gay activist of the 80s.

We did a dorm paper at BYU where we finagled an interview with democratic Gov. Cal Rampton who thought we were with the Daily Universe. LOL We were young and crazy. It was so nice to reminisce with someone who knew you when you were young and full of expectations.

Elbert had been taking care of his mother who had just recently died a few months ago at the age of 96, I think he said. He’s not working right now but said he’d like to get a part time job. He was part of the cuts at the Tribune a while back as was Rich Kane.

I told him all about my life with the boys at my house and about my research of the folks of West Second South and about life in general.

Elbert is a “DNA” Mormon and not a true believer anymore. He even told me what I suspected for years that he has “same sex attraction”. I am not sure he ever identified as being “Gay” but he did confide that he used to go to Gay orgies in California and did drugs. I laughed and said well I never did drugs.

We were there at Village Inn for a good two hours and I offered to pay as it was a treat to see him again but at the checkout, the computer went down temporarily again. Although it came up again I thought I need to start carrying cash or stay home.

When we parted, I said I thought of him often and when he slyly said he doubted it, I then said well when I do think of you I think of you fondly. He said he does the same of me. We hugged and promised to stay in touch.

I was home by 3:30  and tried to take a quick nap but had to get up to start fixing the pups’ the dinner and watching some news. I guess Draper was hit pretty hard with flooding from the rain last night and caused some sink holes in the roads there.

5 August 2023 Saturday

I didn’t even leave the house today except to walk the pups. I spent almost the entire day probably 10 hours writing up the 191 closing of Dora B Topham’s Stockade so I can eventually send it off to Elbert Peck.

            I washed all my sheets and bedding while I was at the computer to remake my bed and that was my big chore for the day.

            I didn’t see Kyle at all but I sent him the ticket information that Jim Dabakis sent me for Beetlejuice that is playing at the Eccles Theater. The tickets are for Sunday.

            My neighbors wife came over and asked to cut some sunflowers for a cake she is making. That was fun that I could help her out and I gave them a zucchini that was ripe.

            Adrian in the late afternoon said he was going down to Lulu’s in South Jordan to help out Kyle who was acting as a waiter there. Adrian said he was his “busboy” lol.

            It was a very pleasant day only in the 80’s. The monsoon rain we had yesterday really cooled us off.

Marilyn Monroe, 1950’s movie star,  American sex symbol and Gay icon was found dead in Hollywood, California on this date in 1962. I was only 11 years old but remember it so well. Gay entertainer Elton John wrote a tribute song to her Goodbye Norma Jean in 1973. In the 1950’s she was the American male idea of sexy femininity. She was also the inspiration for Tinkerbell's figure in Peter Pan

6 August 2023 Sunday

A very quiet Sunday for me and I worked mostly on research the life of Dora Topham after the Stockade fiasco. Other than that, it was a usual day with my usual routine. I never saw Adrian at all today and only Kyle this evening when he came up to tell me that I needed to take him to the airport this Thursday and pick him back up Friday both times at night. He has to fly to Oklahoma to look at some restaurant equipment for the Chinese woman he has business dealings with. He and Adrian went to the “Taco Fest” held at the Fairgrounds this evening and he said the tickets for Beetlejuice are for next Sunday not today as I thought.

            I have been watching The Good Omens 2 on Prime television totally different story line but enjoying the chemistry between  David Tennant as Crowley and Michael Sheen as Aziraphale. Only Miranda Richardson and Jon Hamm are actors from the first season. Jon Hamm plays Gabriel who shows up naked at Aziraphales bookstore with amnesia.

The MAGA Maniacs have a different reality than me and live in a world where they want a leader who panders to their fears and hates... Trump is a secular version of  television Gospel of Prosperity  Evangelical preachers who  pander to the needy and greedy to keep the money rolling in.

7 August 2023 Monday

Kyle came up this morning to say that Adrian's Columbian sister and her 3 teenage kids have been allowed to cross into the United States. I thought soon I will have four Columbians, well 5 with Adrian, living with me. I will inundated with Spanish soon and all I know is ¿dónde está el baño? However later Adrian came up and said that they had been sent back to Mexico.

Well, when or if they ever get here, a new adventure will do this old man some good. Better than living alone and uncared for as so many ol Gay men are.  Well, I think I will be doing most of the "caring" providing a bed and a roof over the heads of refugees seeking a better life.  

Hebrews 13:2: "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."

In the late afternoon, a man came to the door looking for Kyle as I guess he is late on his payments for the GMC Terrain. That upset me as I wonder what else is he late on that I don’t know. How irresponsible can it be not to pay for the essentials? It makes me doubt his situation again. Last time he was late the car was towed to a impound lot and I had to pay over a $1000 to get his car current so he could retrieve it.   I won’t do that again.

I spent much of this pleasant August day inside researching on the computer. I did make some fried rice for supper but I may have put a tad bit more fresh ginger in it but still it was tasty.

8 August 2023 Tuesday

Taco went in this morning to have his teeth cleaned and perhaps a few extractions. I go in tomorrow just for a cleaning and hopefully no extractions. I wish my dentist would have given me anesthesia like Taco will get today for his cleaning. Oh, btw we aren’t going to the same dentist.

            Well $560 and 4 teeth extracted, Taco came home and doing just fine.  Jim Dabakis said he’d reimburse me for the cost. Taco was a little sleepy and walking him in the late afternoon he still seemed in a daze so I took him back home and only walked TJ and Maxx. However, for supper he really had an appetite. The vet assistant said only to fed him have as much as usual but he ate every bit and acted like he was still really hungry so I gave him a bit more before heading out to pick up Andy Dalrymple to go to the Gay Men’s support group.

            We were supposed to share what we are passionate about and I of course said researching history but it used to be the Gay community. Much of The discussion centered around the Mormon church’s homophobia and how it affected people in the group as the dominant culture here in Utah.

Blair Bateman led the group tonight and he always says to stay off the topic of Mormonism as it may trigger some people but he almost always is the one who brings it up as he was a professor at BYU  at one time and sang with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.  I did bring up what I said to Elbert Peck that the growth of the Gay community in Salt Lake had a lot to do with the leadership skills taught to young people and volunteerism. The conversation also turned to cruising and Bill Blevins and I talked about what cruising was like before the internet and the risks of being arrested.

            It was a lively meeting and when one fellow said that times today are just as rough as in the past I had to correct him and say that  just the fact that we are meeting in a Pride Center without being arrested shows that things are better. I said how my generation had no mentors, that we had to make it up as we went along to make it easier for those who come after us.  

Sadly, there was a new guy in his late 30’s probably who said his husband/partner died last July 1^st and they had been together since I suppose his early 20’s. He didn’t want to be put on the spot but just came to be with Gay men.

Blair has this ideal that new people should tell something about themselves which I would never do as it’s like telling a new kid in class to tell people about themselves. Most new people want to come and observe and see if its feels safe before really sharing or if they do want to share they will within the discussion.

            I see that the old Royal Wood Business building on 2^nd South and West Temple is being demolished. The downtown post office was in that building for years after it moved out of the courthouse building on 4^th South and Main Street. I had a post office box there in the 80’s for different Gay groups I was involved with, especially Beyond Stonewall.

Nixon resigned on this day 49 years ago...Republicans love their corrupt politicians. Nixon and Trump both had enemy lists and surrounded themselves with incompetent underlings. Nixon resigned so as not to go on trial and unelected President Ford pardoned him.  If Trump takes back the White House he will pardon himself. He’s the Republican front runner for their presidential candidacy.

9 August 2023 Wednesday

I dreamt last night I was in Littlefield, Texas and then in Lubbock. It’s strange what stays in your subconscious and comes out in dreams.  “Hiraeth” is a noun meaning “a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.”  This is the exact feeling I have often seeing all the places I once knew in Salt Lake disappear.

My appointment at Redman Dental for a cleaning was at 10:30 so I left in plenty of time to be there early. Shouldn’t have bothered as I had to sit in the dental chair until 11:00 trying to get my blood pressure down. They took it several times and each time it would not drop below 160 even though all my other numbers were fine and I had been taking my pills regularly in anticipation for the appointment. That is the worse part of going to the dental school is that I never know if my blood pressure is going to be low enough to satisfy them. 

Well, they apologize but I knew they wouldn’t be able to work on me due to the schools strict policy but they did give me a paper to have Dr. Stoneburner sign as a waver so I wouldn’t have to have my blood pressure checked each time I go down there. I wish they would have given me this years ago.

            Well, that was a bust but since I was down on 106^th South anyway I drove over to Lulu’s Pizzeria to see Kyle. He wasn’t there when I first arrived as he was at some Sysco food meeting but soon came to the eatery  and I ordered a pineapple pizza. I was expecting to pay but Kyle gave it to me for free. The owner of the place had come in with Kyle and he introduced me to be. She said we looked alike but Kyle said I was his “adopted father.”  I suppose I am in a way.

            While there Kyle told me some interesting gossip about Club Verse.  I guess Lynn, the club manager had a break up with Micheal Repp and left with Sean the kid I spoke to last winter about Kyle shortly before Kyle was fired. The pair had bought Fiddler’s Elbow over in Sugar House and is going to turn that into a bar and dance club.  Micheal’s partner Riley I guess is the real money behind Club Verse. I have no ill will about the Club but have no reason to go there after Kyle was let go.

            I came back to the house and worked a bit on the last days of Dora Topham as much as I could find out from old newspapers on line.  Jim Dabakis called from Mexico and transferred money in my account for Taco’s vet bill. He said he’s having a good life and will be back in October for a couple of weeks before heading to Argentina.

I had been cooking pinto beans all day and they were almost done by 6 and then I got involved more in research after feeding the pups, when I started smelling burnt beans. Nothing smells and stinks up a house like burnt beans. Fortunately, I caught it before they really blackened but I had to air out the house for sure and burn some incense.

            President Biden flew in to Salt Lake around 4:30 for a visit. Airforce One landed at the runway near 2200 West by the airport so that is the closest I will ever get to be towards Biden. I guess some 70 year old Provo lunatic made a lot of death threats towards the President and when the FBI went to check him out this morning he resisted with his arsenal and was shot and killed this morning.  Is anyone really surprised that it was a Provo lunatic that was shot by the FBI for threatening President Biden? Good riddance to another deranged Fox News listener.

Only Governor Cox of the Utah Republicans greeted the President of the United States of America. I wonder if he will have the obligatory meeting with the Mormon Church President.  Not that it would do any good.

I was 18 years old when I saw the news about Sharon Tate’s murder in 1969.  Not until the la Bianca murders a few days later were people truly freaked out. It was the first time that I ever remember my parents starting to lock their doors. The Manson family destroyed the idea of hippies being all about being flower children, love, and happiness. I went to my first Love In at McNeil Park in 1967 the summer of love. 1969 changed all that in California, even though a few weeks later Woodstock, with a half a million young people, would happen in upstate New York. 1969 was an interesting year to be alive.

I posted on Facebook pictures of me at 22, 42, 62 and 72. I am not sure if I will make it to 82 but I have seen a lot and done a lot for a little country boy born in West Texas, raised in Orange County, California and who spent most of my life in Salt Lake City, Utah, the crossroads of the West as a Gay community builder.

Everyone’s life journey is unique but I am grateful for those who have made the journey with me, many who are just memories now. What is the Beatles song...in my life I've loved them all.

I’ve always loved Fay Wray, who died at 96 on August 9 2004. In Answer to Dr. Frankenfurter's question in The Rocky Picture Show, "What Ever Happened to Fay Wray, that delicate Satin draped dame?"

Few know she lived in Salt Lake as a teen. Wray lived with her family from about 1913 to about 1922 at 814 Sherman Avenue, which Wray's family rented for $12 a month and at 236 Hampton Ave., where Wray once rode a pet horse up and down the street.

In King Kong ''I yelled every time they said, 'Yell,' '' she said of the role, for which she was paid $10,000 for 10 weeks' work -- good pay for Hollywood in the Depression. RKO Pictures got more than its money's worth - the movie grossed nearly $90,000 in its first four days, a fortune at a time when movie tickets were 15 cents.  It premiered in New York City and saved RKO which later produced all the Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire classics.

Funny thing she was a natural brunette and wore a wig...King Kong was pre code and had some mildly racy scenes many later for years deleted as were some of the gory killings when Kong was on the rampage

            Well, that was about the gist of my day. I never saw Adrian at all.

10 August 2023 Thursday

I took Kyle to the airport at 8 to catch a flight to Oklahoma for a business conference. Otherwise, it was just an ordinary day with working in my research and taking care of the pups. I did go to Smith’s and ended up spending $95 mostly about $50 on dog treats. I spend more on them than me but they keep me company.

Adrian was still at work so he didn’t go with us to the airport. Adrian is now working 40 hours at Lulu’s Pizzeria as a night cook from 3:30 to 9. Kyle said that he is working on a deal to open a Loco Burger in Saratoga in Utah County where the hope is that when Adrian’s sister comes she would be able to work there. Kyle said he sent $500 to Adrian’s mom to buy a wheelchair for his invalid brother.

I am so relieved that Ohioans stood up against the Republican fascists in that state who can't win on issues so they try to curtain people's rights to vote on issues that matter to them. The Ohio Republicans wanted to make the threshold for initiatives to 60 percent instead of 50 plus 1 to block an abortion rights vote this November.

I saw this satire comment about what the GOP should be saying but never will.

" After that [the defeat], it was clear we, as a party, needed to start asking ourselves some tough questions, like: “Why do voters keep telling us exactly what they want, and then, when we try to deny them what they want, they vote against us?” And: “How come when we keep saying ‘We hear you loud and clear, voters, and that’s why we’re definitely going to strongly advocate for something you oppose,’ voters don’t vote for us?”

This applies to Utah except Utahns keep voting the land developers and Mormons in to office who have an R behind their name and then wonder why the legislature keep making it harder for citizen initiatives.

11 August 2023 Friday

Another summer is winding down quickly. Michael Romero called me in the afternoon and asked me to go over to his place on Monday at 2  as he is refinancing his townhouse and the appraiser is coming over then.  I guess the Home Lending people from whom he purchased the place screwed up somewhere and they are offering to refinance at under 3 percent. Currently mortgage rates are ate 7 percent so it’s really a windfall for him. He’s still in Colorado so that is why he asked me to go over there.

            I went to pick Kyle up at the airport around 9:30 tonight and he said the Oklahoma project if it goes through will be a much bigger project than he thought. But he’s a hustler. He also said the mall that was being built didn’t have air conditioning as it was being remodeled and it was super-hot there in Oklahoma City. He was not impressed nor was he with Saratoga Springs in Utah County where a new Loco Burder might be built.

            In the news I guess the town of  Lahaina  in Hawaii burned to the ground from the wildfire there which happened so fast. At least 80 people are dead and many saved their lives only by jumping into the ocean. I guess 1000’s of tourists are being evacuated from Mauri. They say it’s the worst disaster in Hawaii’s recorded state history.

On this day in 1999 A freak tornado ripped through the downtown area of Salt Lake City, killing one person, and doing millions of dollars of damage. Temple Square was hit as were  the trees at the state capitol, and Memory Grove park.

However, it was the Gay Bars that  were damaged the most with The Sun Club building being completely destroyed. Jim Dabakis' Club Axis sustained considerable damage also but he was able to repair his building.  The Sun was one of the first victims in the tornado's path.

I remember sitting on my steps outside and looking over to the city there was a very black cloud over downtown. I didn’t know anything was happening until shortly afterwards Mike’s mother Faye Romero called me and asked if we were okay as she heard that a tornado his Salt Lake City. Then I watched the local news.

Both buildings, the Sun and Club Axis are long gone now as is the entire old Gay clubs and cafes area with only Joe Redburn’s old Trapp now the Sun Trapp left and who knows  how long  that will last with all the high rise apartments being built.

12 August 2023 Saturday

I’ve noticed that I post on Facebook less and less about what I am doing or who I am having over and more and more just memes and sayings. My days are getting shorter and less meaningful and I spend most of my days writing up information on Dora Topham’s time when she was Queen of the Underworld. It must be that my days are so routine and the same that there’s nothing to report anymore.

I didn’t see the boys nor leave the house except walk around the block with the pups this morning and evening.

It’s odd that I have been using the dishwasher again after almost a year or more as it wasn’t working but now is. I started using it mainly to degrease pans that I couldn’t by hand efficiently in the sink. Isn’t that exciting news?

            The weather has been really pleasant in the high 80s and low 90’s, perfect summer weather

Someone posted on Utah Gay Forum a bunch of terms with the suffix of Phile.  I identifying these days as a "Selenophile Homophile Androphilic Cynophile" or SHAC for short. It mean Moon loving, Gay man lover and dog lover. I posted my pronouns as  “WE”... as in "We are not amused."

I may be old but I am so glad that I lived during a time when Trigger was the name of a horse and not what pampered young people feel when uncomfortable learning something new or having an opinion different than their own.

 

13 August 2023 Sunday

While I was out walking the pups this morning, half way home on Niles Street, Maxx started limping and could not walk or put weight on his foot. So, I had to lift him and carry the 30 pound boy all the way back to the house with TJ and Taco on their leashes.

            Maxx kept limping and licking his paw at the house so I had Kyle come up to help me look at his paw and it seemed that his dew claw had dugged into his pad so Kyle trimmed it and later Maxx seems better after resting, and in the evening he was walking well enough to take the  pups out again.  I will call and make an appointment at the vet to have his nails clipped again and foot looked at. Maxx is a very good boy.

After working at the computer this afternoon, I decided to mow the weeds down in the back yard and that was a herculean task even though most of the yard is still in the poor dirt Kyle had brought in last year as a filler.  The yard is never watered but that hasn’t stopped thistle, bindweed, mallow, goat head, pigweed, Purslane, spurge, and others I can’t identify from taking over.

 I am afraid my Ash tree I had for at least 25 years has died from lack of water in my back yard. Always thought it would outlast me. All my trees I had planted over the years in my back yard are all gone from Kyle eliminating them.

I was exhausted from mowing in the heat of the afternoon so I sat beneath one of my last remaining trees I still have. In the front yard.  It's 26 years old. I rested before  tackling mowing the postage stamp size grass  yard I have left in the front. Everything else is drought resistant perennials except for my sunflowers. I am enjoying Lammas while I still can.  I will till  and delve until I am someday soil myself.  Grandpa Johnson would be proud.

Kyle and Adrian went to see Beetlejuice at the Eccles Theater but Kyle said they left during intermission as Adrian couldn’t understand any of it and it wasn’t Kyle’s type of musical.

I am so proud of President Biden that he didn't kowtow to the Mormon Church last week on his visit to Utah.  I guess them not condemning the tirade made by the Provo MAGA Mormon who was shot and killed before the President's arrival was enough to warrant not a "courtesy" visit with Mr. Nielsen.  All former presidents, including Obama and Trump, knew they had to kiss the Prophet's ring when visiting Utah but I think Biden is smart enough to write off Utah's 4 electoral votes.

14 August 2023 Monday

Maxx is so much better and went for a walk yesterday evening and this morning and tomorrow has an appointment at 9:30 to clip his pesky nails. I just worked on the computer until around 12:30 then left to get a drink and go over to Mike Romeros to mow his grass and meet the appraiser.

            The grass and weeds had hardly grown at all so it was hardly necessary but did it anyway. Inside the house, I made up his beds and straighten up the place for when the appraiser came to take pictures. Actually, I was all done by 1 so I decided to clean and rearrange his garage. I took his leaf blower and blew out the cobwebs, dust, and old leaves that had collected in there and I moved a lot of his stuff around to make the place more accessible. He’s got a lot of stuff in there he will never use, that should go to Deseret Industries.

            The appraiser was supposed to come at 2 but wasn’t at the place until 3 but he only took about 15 minutes walking around outside and inside so on the way home I stopped at Lucky’s as I had to get some chicken for the pups supper. I was back at the house by 4 but had to start cooking their dinner. I made some potato salad also as I have so many potatoes that Adrian had me buy but wasn’t eating. I hate wasting food.

            Anyway, I never was able to take an afternoon nap, so fed the pups and watched the news which was mainly about the Hawaiian town that burned from hurricane wildfires. They are say now there’s 100 people dead and expect a lot more as they sift through the rubble. Those caught in the fire were cremated.

            While walking the pups, “Loni” Piloni Moala the guy who has done out concrete work before said he had some cement left over if we still wanted the little triangle patch poured. I let Kyle know and he said he talked to Loni and said if he will do it for $400 we’d do it.  Now I will see if it really happens.

            It was warm today at 95 degrees and it’s hard to believe that some Utah schools start back tomorrow. It used to be the earliest we started in Davis was the week before Labor Day.

            In the news a Fulton County, Georgia grand jury indicted Trump on 10 counts. It’s his 4^th indictment. He may even be charged with racketeering under the RICO Act.

15 August 2023 Tuesday

Well, it’s the middle of the month already and I am exhausted because  Richard Butler said keeping up a front yard shows pride in home ownership. So, after fixing Adrian his breakfast I then around 9:30 took Maxx to get his nails trim. He was a very good boy and they said his dew claw may have split and that is why it was so sore for him. I drove by Hodges street to check on Mike's place while he’s away a to make sure the garage door was still shut.

I was home a bit after 10 and decided to cut down some overgrown sunflowers, and water the front yard before tackling the spurge, puncture vines (goat heads) thistle, and  who knows what else that took over the little triangle by the driveway where the tree was removed  I should have worn gloves and long pants but I didn’t so I got pricked a few times pulling weeds.

 I had my CD player outside and I listened to tunes from 1964 to help with the task which was about 2 hours beneath the late morning sun.. Somedays I think I can do as much as I could when I was younger but I am realizing today that I am fooling myself. Well, there will be a time when I can’t garden but not this hot August day.  And it was hot out but I wore a hat.

I was beat but so sweaty that I had to take a shower before taking a nap. While fixing the pups their dinner and getting ready for my Gay men’s group, I saw that “Loni” Piloni Moala had pulled up with his crew to stake out the triangle for a concrete pour I guess tomorrow. I am glad that I spent the 2 hours this morning pulling the weeds out even though Kyle said that Piloni Moala would have had his crew do it but I was not going to have someone do what I could do myself. 

After staking it, they were gone and I drove into downtown to pick up Andy Dalrymple who lives in low rent disability apartment building in old Japanese Town. To tell the truth I like having the company while going to the meeting and I know Andy appreciates the ride.

There was about 15 people or more at the meeting tonight and the topic was on acceptance. Bill Blevins ran the meeting tonight which was lively. The topic turned to what it means when people ask us “if we are happy” which we all thought was a loaded question. 

Anyway, Sean Stradley who hadn’t come in several months attended and said that David Ball had died, who was his best friend and he was having difficulties processing his death. I understood because of losing Bill Poore last March. Dave died of cancer on May 19^th.

 After the meeting I talked to Sean more about Dave and said it’s been probably 30 years since I knew Dave as part of the Sacred Faeries and from the Pillar. I said I would tell Jimmy Hamamoto and Bobby Smith that David had passed away. I was surprised that he was only 64. I didn’t realize that he was that much younger than me.

Any way that was my main news from tonight and after the meeting, took Andy back home and then watched a little bit of television to unwind. I was really tired when I finally went to bed.

At this point Trump could say he's Jesus Christ and the MAGA crowd would call him Lord and Savior and Republicans would still find ways to make excuses for him.  Republicans in Congress are questioning the legitimacy of the Fulton County indictments.

16 August 2023 Wednesday

I fixed Adrian a Denver omelet and fried maize bread he likes for his breakfast. I walked the pups this morning but couldn’t concentrate on my writing. I think I needed a break from it and I took long naps today. It's been 4 years today that I first met Taco when Jim Dabakis first brought him over for me to watch while Jim went to Mexico... he's kind of permanently part of the mix now while Jim travels the world.

Well, Piloni Moala came over with a crew of 2 guys and poured the triangular concrete pad around 5 and they worked on it until after 8. It seemed like it was too long of a time for such a small area. Their trucks blocked the driveway but I wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t even take the pups for a walk until after 8:30 and it was already  dark outside. It was the first time I ever walked them at night but Taco insisted that we go.

            When Piloni was finished he came to collect his $400 and I thought Kyle had made arrangements with him but hadn’t. I asked if he would take a check but said he needed to pay his crew. Fortunately, I had $200 in cash from what Jim Dabakis had given me so I gave him that plus a check for $200 and that seemed to satisfy him. It seems strange how small the area appears after it once had a large flowering red plum tree and a large barberry bush and a wild rose there. Now it’s just concrete. I guess I am slowly seeing how my home lot will be after I am gone.

So much of old Gay Salt Lake is being erased by the scores of high rise apartments being built on west Second South. The In Between at 579 West was my go to bar just to hang out with friends in the 1980s

 I discovered doing research that  two World War II vets, one who operated the Three Aces Café at 575 West  from 1957-1959  met a man in the  early 1960's and moved to Jackson Hole Wyoming where they ran the Wrangler Café there from 1966 to 1972  and several motels and campgrounds there before retiring and moving to Mesa Arizona. They returned to Utah where they died one in 1991 at the age of 70 and the other in 1993 at 74.  Neither ever married and One of the obituaries said "survived by business partner and friend" while naming the man who died in 1993. The other's obituary from 1993 said "he loved, traveling, cooking, bargain shopping, dancing and singing” and especially his “family and dogs.”  I would hate to presume but my gaydar went off big time.

That little corner on 600 West and Second South  of Salt Lake City is like a gold mine of history. Even Jim  Dabakis proposed to his husband there. So much happened there in eras long past and now  forgotten. There was a saloon and bar on the corner since 1890 Buhrings Beer Hall, the Albany Saloon, the New Rex Bar, the Three Aces, the  In Between, Bricks, Sound, Gossip, and  Bottom Ups until 2020.

Despicable Utah Republicans are doing away with their 2024 primary replacing it with a caucus insuring a more conservative vote. Becky Edwards political ads are running constantly to replace Rep Jackass Stewart. Although she is probably the best we can hope for, her ads are awful as she wants to make Washington “work the Utah way” which is obviously a theocracy ruled by land developers.

17 August 2023 Thursday

I was up way too early this morning but wanted to take the trash barrels away from the poured concrete from the sidewalk and just put them out on the curb for trash pickup tomorrow. Then I fixed Adrian his breakfast but don’t know why I bothered because it was after 9 that he even came up to take his plate downstairs.

It was quite warm again but I needed to go to the store to buy some eggs and do a little shopping. I did some editing on my write up on Dora Topham and then felt tired so I went to lay down. While trying to siesta there was rolling thunder then boom! and the skies opened up. I got up to look outside and hail stones, wind, and torrential rain came pouring down. Just the little bit that I had the bedroom door open to the outside, the wind blew a lot of water into the house which I had to mop up.

Here, west of the Jordan  River in Westpointe, out by the airport, the pups huddled with me as it rained for nearly a half an hour. The weatherman said we got more than a quarter of an inch which is lot for such a short time. A neighbor’s parking strip tree broke in half from the storm that rolled through but otherwise no real damage here. Just glad that I had the driveway corner poured yesterday.

The  weather was so nice and cool after the rain that it was a good time to go out and pull weeds and do some yard trimming.  It’s the best time to pull weeds after a heavy rain shower when the ground is moist. I also dug out all the weeds that have ground in between the sections of the driveway to make it look cleaned up. It only took about an hour and I was back inside in time to watch some of the news, feed the pups, and then walk them. 

I spent the rest of the evening relaxing watching some television. I finished watching 1933 King Kong that I started yesterday and watched again, “Swan Song” where Udo Kier plays an aging retired Gay hairdresser. It’s poignant for me now at my age as, like in the movie, most of the people and places I knew when young are gone too.  At one point the character comments “”I don’t even know how to be gay anymore”, I kind of feel the same way.

18 August 2023 Friday

While walking the pups this morning I saw another large parking strip tree snapped and broken at his base, on Daleridge across from Victor’s house and next to Peter and Brittany Nash. The other was kitty corner from my house. Never knew any of the people who have lived there. These trees are at least 25 years old and fully matured. Only damage I had was a sunflower bush that snapped. I didn't see any other wind damage in the neighborhood so it must have been localized on my corner street. I live on the corner of Fernleaf and Daleridge. The city was quick this afternoon to take down the fallen trees  and feed them into a loud wood chopper.

            I went to Smith’s Grocery Store this morning to renew my prescriptions but mainly to get omeprazole as I had stomach pains last night. I haven’t taken the pills in several months and my stomach started hurting again so I thought I better go get some. They seemed to help last time. My pain wasn’t as severe as last time but since I know what to take I thought I better.

            The Rose Park Smith’s really has declined over the past few years, as they stock during the day making it hard to go down the aisle and they don’t carry discounted fruits and vegetables as well as pastries anymore. They usually only have one checker and everything else is self-check-out, which more times than not you have to have someone come over and to help anyway.

            This late afternoon I made a pan of Lasagna as I just wanted to use up what I had in the frig before things went bad. Adrian doesn’t eat much here anymore but stays downstairs before he goes into work and I hardly see Kyle anymore. He called me in the afternoon to check on Adrian as he said Adrian wasn’t feeling well, but when I went down there, he was all smiles.

I ate a small piece of the lasagna for my supper but I guess I can freeze the rest after cutting it into sections for  a quick lunch or dinner.

I watched an episode of “Queer as Folk” before going off to bed. I hadn’t watched that show since it ended in 2005. The Gay world certainly changed since then.

Hurricane Helen in the Pacific is expected to turn into a tropical storm when it hits Southern California this weekend. It’s the first tropical storm to hit Los Angeles in over 80 years.  The Maui wildfire is now said to be one of the worst in a 100 years. So many died because the town sirens didn’t go off to alert people to evacuate.  

19 August 2023 Saturday

Sutherland’s was have a sale on gardening tools so I went down this morning and bought a trenching shovel for $6 which would have been around $30 and some hand spades. I also bought a T-shirt there that said “West Side” printed on it. They had others for Rose Park, Poplar Grove, and Glendale but I thought the one for West Side suited my location better.

            In the afternoon late, around 2, Adrian came up looking for something to eat so I showed him where the lasagna was. He looked rather frazzled and said he’s been kind of depressed lately missing his family in Columbia and worried about his one sister who is in Juarez, Mexico. I guess today is his invalid brother’s birthday also. He said that things are better between him and Kyle after taking my advice not to engage with him when he goes off on a rant.  Adrian said he goes crazy and I laughed and said yes Kyle is crazy but we are all crazy in our own ways. He then went off to work and I tried to take a siesta.

            I baked some chicken thighs for the pup’s supper and cooked me a cheese burger before going back to work on the last section on when Dora B. Topham moved to San Francisco in 1916.

            Carlos Bahena’s family was having a huge fiesta next door and had put a large canvas pavilion up. I walked the pups for the second time this evening and it was very pleasant out but looked like it was clouding up.  Then back at the house it began to storm around 7:30. Not just rain but storm with wind and heavy rain. It rained cats and dogs out here by the airport, a good soaking rain but I hoped Carlos party  didn't get washed away as it was a “belly washer. It poured for about a half hour and then it passed over.

            While I was watching some of my regular sit-coms on the Hulu channel Kyle called at 9:30 which surprised me.  He said that Adrian and he are going to see the Indiana Jones movie tomorrow at noon and asked if wanted to go with them. I said sure then he said they were going to Boise, Idaho on Tuesday to look at job in a Chinese Mall up there. He said they would be going just for the day up and back and he said he wanted to take the FIT because it had better gas milage and that the Terrain had so many miles on it that it wouldn’t be as reliable.  He should have kept the Rogue which was a newer vehicle but there’s no talking him out of anything.

            I had posted on the Utah Gay Forum an article that Brandon Burt wrote about the closing of the old Radio City Lounge in 2009. Brandon had written up some of Frank Pilon’s memories about the bar in the 1950’s. Frank was known as “Francine” and Michael Allen Gray messaged me saying: “OMG!!!  Frank/Francine was my Neighbor in Kearns and worked with my Mother at Kmart on 4700 South and Redwood Road.  He was married with 3 kids and I was their Babysitter.   It was a different time, Frank had already fiddled with me, when one day his Wife told me Frank was “Queer” before taking me to bed and performing oral sex on me.  I left Utah for the Navy in 1971 and returned in 1975, performing at Theatre 138.  After the Shows, we would walked across the back parking lot and into the rear door of the RC.”

I wrote back to him, “I knew him only as a friend of Joe Reburn and met him at the old In Between back in 1986. I forgot what his last name was.” I didn’t mention that Francine to impress her friends on the In Between Patio, asked if she could borrow my Japanese umbrella. The In Between had a large above ground pool at the time and I was sunning myself. She wanted to pretend to put the umbrella in my ass as she thought that was funny and would amuse her old queen pals.

Michael Allen wrote back reminding me of what Frank’s last name was, Pilon.   Then he said “I reached out to their kids but they HATED him.  Probably because Jane disparaged him for being Gay. I’m feeling a bit numb because I never really thought about it  Clearly it was an assault, but at 13 or 14, they were Pedophiles.  No wonder I’m fucked up.”

             I wrote him, “I was molested also around 13 by a friend of my dad’s...yes it was pedophilia but also I wanted it as I was Gay and needed what it felt like to have sex with a man. I had low self-esteem, probably not from being molested but from knowing I was "queer' and how shameful that was not to be normal.”

Michael Allen Gray, “I had been molested and threatened to be quiet at age

5 by an old neighbor who did it to all the kids and at age 9 by a neighbor’s uncle who took a group of boys camping and blew all of us before this. Frank’s wife was the only time I was molested by a woman. I didn’t want any of it I was just desperate for my Father’s attention.  Once it was discovered that I had been molested at 5, the guy was arrested, and I was treated like savaged goods and ignored by all the men in my family.  I was feminized by the women and been sexually fucked up my entire life. I’ve never been “Gay” but always a sensitive monogamous person. Thank god I got the hell out of Utah and into the Navy.  It was there that I discovered that I didn’t care whether it was a man or woman.  I just wanted a relationship.  I was engaged to women 3 times before I met Miguel 40 years ago.”

 I wrote him, “I was married to a woman for 9 years because it was supposed to be what one did... we were best friends and I loved her but was never in love with her. I’ve only been in love with men. We divorced when I wanted to live an authentic life as we all thought we would die in the 1980s and so many I knew did.”

Michael Allen said, “The fact that Miguel and I both got AIDS Diagnoses and opportunistic infections months apart 38 years ago. Has something to do with our longevity.”

I replied, “I was one of the fortunate ones who never tested positive.”

20 August 2023 Sunday

I went with Kyle and Adrian to go see Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny at the Cineplex at Valley Fair Mall. I truly can’t remember the last time I went to the movies, perhaps it was with Kyle and Danny Montoya to see the World War I movie, 1918, also at the cineplex. Maybe Bohemian Rapsody at the Cinedome on 33^rd South.

            Going to the movies is such a different experience than the one I am used to. Kyle bought his tickets on line on his phone and showed as a scan to enter.  Gone are the ticket takers I suppose. Inside I asked Kyle if he had to take out a loan to buy a large carton of popcorn. He bought us three large drinks also. I have no idea how much it cost him to take the thee of us but had to be over $50.

            The seats were recliners with electric buttons to push into different positions and even had seat warmers.  The show we went to said it was enhanced for the deaf  and had subtitles at the bottom all through the movie, which was a bit annoying but finally I got used to it.

            I mostly enjoyed the movie, which was the last of the five Indiana Jones series. I first saw Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1981 with Fran in Ogden. The technology they have today in making movies is incredible compared to 42 years ago.. The Dial of Destiny was kind of a homage to the character and brought in elements and characters back from previous ones, including Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood  and John Rhys-Davies as Salah.  The Helen Shaw character was as big a part as Harrison Fords and perhaps bigger.  The only downside I saw that there were too many chase scenes  through Germany, Manhattan, Morrocco, and Sicily I think, just to show off special effects  However the de-aging of Harrison Ford so he could fight the Nazis was pretty impressive. I read later on line the movie was very expensive to make and did not recover the cost so it was considered a bomb but I thought it was a pretty good summer blockbuster movie.

            We were home but 3:30 and I didn’t see the crew again for the rest of the evening but did enjoy spending time with them and that included me.  In the evening I watched the last episode of The Good Omen 2 which I enjoyed but not as good as the original one. The characters, beyond Crowley as Aziraphale, were weak and not very interesting. The demons were not that evil and the Angels were not so nice and the subplot of two lesbians was kind of distracting from the main plot that ended up with Gabriel and Beelzebub falling in love.  The main ending with Crowley kissing Aziraphale passionately was also kind of disappointing as Aziraphale preferred Heaven than to be with Crowley. My how times have changed as that when I saw Death Trap with Christopher Reeves back in the 70’s, barely kissing Michael Caine as one of the plot devices, there was audible groans in the audience as if repulsed and now two men kissing is just a part of storytelling. The weather was very pleasant, mostly in the mid 80’s.

21 August 2023 Monday

Another Monday without much change except I did go to Deseret Industries to buy some small blue dinner plates. I noticed that Adrian and Kyle took my three white plates downstairs and hadn’t brought them back up so I had to eat breakfast on a paper plate. So, I went to DI to see what they might have and I bought 8 light weight dinner plates in the color blue, 2 large serving bowls and a cloth kind of back pack with a third world design, kind of hippie. Other than that, it was a quiet day. Kyle and Adrian were gone early, by 9:30, and were gone all day until the evening.

            It was cool and over cast for August only in the high 80’s so it was pleasant walking the pups. Nothing all that important to report.  I guess Hurricane Hilary made its way through California with some flooding and tomorrow St. George is supposed to get hit with a  lot of rain from a monsoon.

22 August 2023 Tuesday

Kyle and Adrian left early around 6 this morning in my car to drive to Boise, Idaho. So, I stayed home all day until it was time to fetch Andy Dalrymple to attend the Gay Men’s support group.  I took the Terrain.

I spent some time posting on my history site some information about the Pride Center because I heard that they had laid off a third of their staff due to financial reasons. Then finally the Center sent out a message as to why they laid off a third of their staff which was for financial reasons.

Well, they alienated a third of the community and promoted causes that did not focus on us, stopped having community events, drove off Deb Hall’s senior programs, and eliminated show casing our history and struggle so what did they expect? There was no leadership just 3 co-CEOs who never reached out to the community that I could see. They blocked people and would not respond back to inquiries. Now they say the center will close for the month of September while they figure out what to do. Tanya Hawkins is the last of the CEO’s and she had no credibility in this community and evidently the Board of Directors are useless. I guess spending millions on Pride Day did not generate the revenue they thought it would. I don’t think there is a Carol Gnade waiting in the wings to save them and the Lesbians and  the “non binaries” ran off Robert Moolman. I saw this drama all happen before in 1997 when the Utah Stonewall Center closed because of incompetency.

So, I suppose the Men’s group will have to find another place to meet in September if not permanently if it wants to continue. Cole Gilmore, who I hadn’t seen in a few years attended tonight after I invited him on Facebook.  There were two other new people also. The topic tonight was on being offended.

One thing that irked me last night was when Blair Bateman shared how a straight couple thought because he was "Gay" that we are somehow experts with Trans kids and they can approach us with their Trans kids issues. That is like approaching Gay men with Lesbian issues. That is why I hate being lumped in an  LGBTQ stew like we are all the same.  Coming out as Trans is not the same as coming out as Gay or Lesbian. Different dynamics and different issues. Trans women want to get rid of their male aspects and Trans men want to assume more masculinity, while Lesbians want a relationship and most Gay men I know just want to have sex LOL.

When I came home, I saw that Kyle and Adrian were back home and after I went to bed, Kyle came up to visit a bit saying that the trip was fine but the business venture there was not feasible.

It rained a little today, but I was able to take the pups out in between the showers. It felt like fall today but it is supposed to warm up later.

23 August 2023 Wednesday

Interesting day when this morning I get  message from Andy Dalrymple that the Gay men’s group will have to find a new meeting place as the center is going to close for the month of September to reorganize. That took me by surprise but not unexpected.

            This morning I decided it was time to buy some new footwear as my old crocs I had for at least 20 years are finally worn out and not safe, as the soles were just as slick as can be on wet surfaces. Also, my sandals were starting to come apart. I can’t remember when the last time I really went shoe shopping was.

I went to Ross  Dress for less in Bountiful and found three slip on that I think will get me by for a while. One for outside yard wear, one for inside slipper like, and a pair of dressier slip-ons. While there I bought a new frying pan also.  It’s been a while that I have bought anything new, as Deseret Industries is usually good enough for me.

Ross only had one checker and although the line wasn’t long, there were lots of chattering little kids and those checking out before me had lots of issues with their purchases. I just held my breath and was as patient as I could be. What else do I have to do? Anyway, after about 15 minutes of standing in line, I checked out and my purchases only came to $78 so I can’t kick. 

As that Dollar Tree is located in the same shopping center in Bountiful I decided to do some shopping there. It’s like night and day between the Bountiful store and the Rose Park store. The Rose Park store is rarely fully stocked while the Bountiful store had so many more items almost like a grocery store.  

While in the store I received a call from Michael Romero saying his home loan was approved at 2.3  percent and he was able to pay off his camper and all his debts so he said he was now in the “black”. He thanked me for going over to his place to meet the appraiser. He’s going to stay in Colorado for another month, not coming back home until the end of September.

            I liked the Bountiful Dollar Tree store but then again, even though there were two checkers, I waited and waited in line to be checked out. Saw this old man ahead of me, well older than me I think, and he had that Mormon scowl on his face that seemed to be permanently fixed and you see a lot. I thought he must have always been that way and his old age just reflects that. I hope I am never that way and I don’t think I will unless dementia kicks in LOL.

            Anyway, I tried to take an afternoon siesta  and when I got up and went into the front room, Adrian came in and sat next to me on the couch being affectionate. He said that Kyle wanted him to wash my car as it had gotten kind of buggy from their road trip. He wanted me to go with him and I did. I could tell he had no idea where to go, so after realizing that we went to the Chevron car wash on North Temple and Redwood.

However, I had let Adrian drive and at the car wash drive through, he had no idea what to do because he couldn’t read the directions. So, I had to guide him through it. It was a bit nerve racking as he would stop then go too fast and I had to keep telling him to go slow. Oh well we made it through and we stopped at Common Cents on the way back home as Adrian wanted a hot dog. Earlier for lunch he ate some of the lasagna that I had put in the freezer.  He was home all day I guess because the Lulu Pizza place is too slow right now to have him work there.

            Kyle called me in the afternoon to say that Palak Jayswal from the Salt Lake Tribune wants to get my take on the closure of the Utah Pride Center for an in depth article she wants to write. I guess we will meet next Monday at 1 but haven’t decided where yet.

            I spent a lot of the evening just making a playlist of all my favorite songs from the 1970’s that I downloaded from Napster years ago. Brings back a lot of memories from my 20’s.

            Well, the Utah Pride Center finally sent out a message as to why they laid off a third of their staff which was for financial turmoil and now they say the center will close for the month of September while they figure out what to do.

These are the comments of my friends and others about this new predicament .

Roy Zhang- They brought it on themselves

Dan Fahndrich- I would hope that the historical items they used to have and that we cannot get are kept somewhere safe.

Kevin Scott- Dan I wouldn't count on it, as there was some antipathy about that history.

Dan Fahndrich-I cannot think of why where would be dis-like for that history cabinet.

Roy Zhang- Dan because it doesn't fit the narrative of the Marsha P Johnson myth.

Kevin Scott- Roy Yep... more that I'd rather not say on FB. It makes no sense to me. I replied- Kevin they have no connection to that history which doesn’t reflect their business model

Roland Ron Holmgren- Everything you wrote was true. What happened to the Pride money? But, as I have written before, is the Pride Center relevant any more with all the cut backs on services? It is kind of sad because the old centers had libraries, they were a good resource for research, and they honored the people who were pioneers of the gay movement. I seriously question if they will open after September.

Craig Hunter- Even here in Oregon, senior programs are ignored by the organizations for us.

Erick Myers- The queer men and women who fought through the years for the freedoms we have today—as well as the upcoming generation that is discovering even more sexual diversity—all of us deserve better than what is being offered by the UPC as it is now.

Richard Harmston- No surprise here.

Andy Dalrymple- There is a high probability the Stonewall Library will be given away.

Kevin Ball- Andy  Isn't it located at the City Library?

Andy Dalrymple- It was de-shelved nearly 6 months ago and UPC hasn't picked it up. Within mere weeks, SLCPL will be forced to give it all away as abandoned.

Melissa Sillitoe Bocarde- Andy oh no!

I wrote- The Tribune wants to talk to me if anyone has a message you'd like for me to convey if they follow through

Andy Dalrymple- I want UPC to recognize they are not willing to be the nexus of the community, so shouldn't represent that they are. But more importantly, as stewards of the Stonewall Library as well as many historical items, I want them not to toss it away as is about to happen within a week or so. When UPC incorporated, they treated themselves as a private business rather than answerable to the community –– and it shows. They should consider promoting a separate Community Council that they are a member but not leader of. A survey is just going to be another impersonal interaction and silence from their part. They need to have immediate open listening sessions for the community. HELL! At the last 400 South location, their final closed-door press release was they couldn't say where all the (hundreds) of thousands of dollars went because of –– "trade secrets". To change one's reputation, you must show in your actions not just words how you are now different. The wall of silence from UPC has deep foundations and the community knows it. The letter sounds introspective..... but is it?

Roland Ron Holmgren- Just repeat what you have written.

Warren Equal Gerritsen- Anyone who has tried to get involved with the center has, for the last 3+ years, knows how much chaos there is there.

Ann Clark- And they abruptly took down their apology from their page lol. I replied, Ann, royals never complain and never explain... taking a cue from the Mormon Church..."never apologize."

Justin Utley- Very disheartening, and predictable. They were headed toward such an inclusive, growing, thriving place and an affordable (nearly free) pride festival. The writing was on the wall (in my view) during the CEO shuffle then ultimately splitting up the CEO responsibilities and the pay, then last year's abysmal festival-booth mismanagement, funneling of funds for personal projects & agendas, and not raising fund's sustainably to match both new and ongoing initiatives, plus the infighting with other LGBTQ+ organizations/organizers. It will be very difficult for the center to move forward from all this without a public acknowledgment of missteps, specific mistakes, and apologies to the community that supported them, and an action plan of how things will change, with checks and balances....without all that, it's going to be very difficult for our community to trust again, and any organization for that matter who wants other people to "stay in their lane" and silos, want all the glory, while mismanaging funds. It takes a village of change agents, not a group of A-listers, to make and build a legacy and lasting impact. Stonewall was a marked beginning of visibility, strategy, action, and change. Utah Pride can make it through this, albeit with a new direction, focus, transparency, and accountability.

Steven Marc- Oh Wow. Honestly, change can be good. I know the center is resilient and I have no doubt it will rise to the occasion and it will be good. They will rise like a Phoenix. I hope our community will give those remaining there and working hard, the positive support and feedback they need to proceed and build and be our best allies. I cannot thank the Pride Center enough for helping guide me through the most horrific, darkest days of my life after my husband committed suicide in 2020 after he disappeared for 3 days. Maxwell Miletich provided the direction and his huge empathic heart and ears as he moderated and led the LOSS group that occurred every other Thursday evening. I know this group still goes on and I would encourage anyone/everyone who has lost a loved one to suicide to consider attending the group. We/you are not alone in our grief and struggles, and the Pride Center is the best we have with highly educated and trained people to help us in a very difficult time in American history. I replied, Steven Marc sorry for your loss and value your perspective ... unfortunately those who were there in 2020 are not the same as the folks who are there now that I fear have forgotten what a true community center should look like. The Board of Directors are as much at fault for not having greater oversight in the direction the center was heading post covid19. Where are the community forums held to express concerns and for leadership to hear feedback?

Roland Ron Holmgren- Is it even relevant anymore?

Cole Gilmore- Hmm I was thinking of trying the peer support group tonight. Maybe I shouldn’t bother. I replied, “Cole I will be there and it’s not run by the center we just meet there.

Cole Gilmore if I can get out of work and the gym in time, I’ll come then.

Baron Henderson aka Daniel Cureton- Constant chaos.

Randy Olson- will they be closing the doors even though they have the availability of a building? I replied, I don’t think they know what they are doing

Andy Dalrymple- I have serious doubts. Here is an idea... they should talk to those that created this community from the beginning over these decades. Maybe even have some public listening meetings in less than a week to kick off what the WHOLE community WANTS rather than is TOLD.

Scott Johnson- Andy if it weren’t for us seniors, there would be no pride center. Support everyone equally, get back to the roots of what pride really is, a celebration of us, not a bunch of corporations slapping rainbows on their logos for just one month and ignoring us the rest of the year.

Michael Allen Gray- I’ve said this from the moment we moved back to Utah…. in their quest to serve everyone, they’ve served no one and destroyed their reputation and funding base. They pissed off everyone over 50. Utah Republicans are thrilled!

Andy Dalrymple- Truer than not.

In other news the leader of the Wagner Mercenaries was killed in a plane crash in Russia. The fingers are pointing at Putin as a form of revenge.

24 August 2023 Thursday

I went to Smith’s this morning to get some of the doggie treats that TJ likes but they were out of the Nudges beef grillers, so I had to buy another brand and I don’t know if he will like them. The stores in Rose Park are really inadequately stocked and only stay in business mostly because there is nowhere else for us to go.

            It was a pleasant day for walking the pups and breaking in my new shoes. I took a nap then I fixed Adrian and me a hamburger for supper after feeding the pups.

I watched the news about Trump in Fulton County Georgia and KUTV reporters are treating it like he is a victim calling him “President Trump” then correcting themselves saying “former”  They even interviewed Utah Republican chair who said that Trump was a victim of “new laws” and said voters, not the courts, should decide whether he can be President again. Unbelievable the propaganda right wing Sinclair News feeds Utah the masses.  What a weird historic day that a former President of the United States had a mugshot and indicted on racketeering charges.

When Kyle came home around 7, he came up stairs to visit  while Adrian was on his phone with his sister. He said how his work at Lulu Pizzeria and Mi Ranchitos in South Jordan is winding down and he may be working on the kitchen side of Bewilder Brewing Company at 445 South 400 West, which is a beer pub with a German kitchen that isn’t doing all the well.

He may take over that operation to redesign their menu and make it more efficient. Kyle took a culinary course while at Gunnison and since working for Loco Burger and Lulu Pizza, he has gained a lot knowledge and contacts in the food industry. It looks like it may be a done deal for him. He also said that the folks who own Loco Burger are way over their heads in debt. That is sad.

Before going to bed a thought came into my head regarding why I do so much for Kyle and it’s because in many ways he resembles John Cunningham from my youth. Perhaps my love for Kyle is transference from my love of John. Who knows? What do they say analysis is paralysis?

I wrote on Face Book, while Tanya Hawkins is the last remaining CEO of the Utah Pride Center,  it could not have been a unilateral decision on her part to close the center for September and to have her co CEO Jonathan Foulkes fired. Ultimately the Utah Pride Center Board of Directors is responsible for hiring executive directors and for the financial health of the organization. Where have they been through all this and has anyone heard from them?

During the last crisis of the Center the board stepped up held community forums and tried to address concerns. They did a lousy job and eventually others had to step in to save the center in 2017.

 I don’t know any of these people or even heard who they are or why they serve on the Board? Does any have a connection with any of them who might know what is going on?

When the "community center" stops communicating with the "community" it is no longer a community center but just a business. There was an old saying at the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah (which by the way created the Utah Stonewall Center which morphed in the Pride Center) that communication and unity creates a community.  I don’t see much of that, perhaps I am just out of the loop. Since I have been relegated to the status of  just an old white Gay cisgender male.

The members of the EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE  at this time are Gloria Castaneda Board Chair, Jessica Couser, Secretary, Dylan Walker, Rachel Adler,

John Stewart, Mike Iwasaki, Erica Gabriel, and Nathan B. Cryer

            Kelly Byrnes responded saying, “Don't know who they are but apparently there are 2 on the board now who were on the board last time. Do they buy their way on? Who's ever heard of any of the people? What kind of community involvement do any of them have?

Michael Aaron even wrote, ‘I hate to say I agree with you, because it is such a rare occasion. But 100%”

Daniel aka Baron Henderson responded to Michael, “I have a story amidst all this about the possible loss of the library. Let’s talk.”

Deni Smith wrote, I was a board member…sadly, I have done everything I can at 66 years old.  I responded back to her, “I have put up enough chairs also to build this community...I was the last "elected" member of the board of the Utah Stonewall Center now it’s time to retire to my rocking chair...

Kevin Ball who volunteered at the Center for a long time said, “I don't know any of these people either.”

Andy Dalrymple wrote, “I emailed Michael Iwasaki urgently at his UPC address regarding the Stonewall Library near destruction.

25 August 2023 Friday

On Facebook people are having a field day posting Trump aka PO1135809’s mug shot. He’s looks like there is so much evil in his heart. Now, always the grifter, he is trying sell them and I am sure his MAGA morons will buy them.

            I joined the Gay Men’s Facebook Group today and Bill Blevins sent out an email the group will meet this Tuesday at the center and he and Blair have some good leads for other meeting places for September. It may be the last time we meet at the Center if they close down.

When Kyle came home from work he asked if I wanted to go out with Adrian and him so Adrian could go get a chocolate cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. I was already in for the night so I declined. He did say that this Sunday he wants to make a bunch of German recipes to see how they taste. I told him about the Hemmel und Erd potatoes that Fran’s sister Mickey made way back in the early 90’s that were really delicious.

            It was a warm day in the 90’s and the pups really enjoyed their walks especially the afternoon one. Maxx kept flipping on his back wiggling his but in the tall grass of some people’s parking strips. Funny how the 90’s in my mind has gone from being hot to just warm. Only the 100’s seem hot to me these days.

26 August 2023 Saturday

Adrian came up this morning and said his sister and his nephew and nieces are across the border with immigration and might be here by next week. He also said that Kyle wanted us to go to Lulu’s Pizzeria to meet Jamie Fultz for lunch.

            For some time now, my toilet had been flushing weird and refilling really slowly. After using it and then taking a shower, I came out to clean it and it would not flush at all. No water came into the tank. I thought oh crap, literally, this is  a fine time for it to act up with 4 more people coming to the house. I called Kyle to tell him about it and he said toilets are easy to fix and he would look at it when he came home from work.

            So anyway, I drove Adrian down to South Jordan. Kyle asked us to be there at 1:30 but it wasn’t necessary, because Jamie hadn’t even left Bountiful when we arrived.

            While waiting, I had Kyle tell me what was going on with Milagros and her kids. He said they were in United States custody and he and Adrian will go down Monday or Tuesday to pick them up in El Paso to bring them home Wednesday.  Kyle plans on renting a van to retrieve them.

So, Adrian will soon have some of his family here although he does have a 35 year old brother working in Virginia. Adrian said his oldest niece had cut her hands crawling through the razor barbed wire. They crossed through a treacherous jungle, crossed a wide river on a raft before reaching Juarez.  They certainly were determined to come to the United States.

            At Lulu’s Jamie arrived around 2:30 in the afternoon and I think Kyle wanted to show off what he has accomplished at the place. It’s the only kind of self-serve pizzeria in the valley. I don’t know how to explain it. I had a child size Pineapple pizza and most of the Pizzas were kind of Mexican style which are unique.

            Kyle caught up with news of his nephews from Jamie, and mostly I just sat and ate my pizza not having a lot to contribute in either Spanish or English.  I left at 3:30 as I was really tired from waking up way too early this morning and not getting a nap. Adrian stayed with Kyle when I left. I stopped at Walmart on 13^th South on the way home to buy TJ his Nudges dog treats and some more chicken strips for the other pooches.

            I was home the rest of the day and when Kyle came home around 6:30 he started working on my toilet. Before he did, I scrubbed it really good, empty out most of the water in the bowl so I could scrape out the calcium hard water deposit that had collected at the bottom of the bowl. I had to use lime away and vinegar and baking soda to losing the minerals enough for me to use a spoon to scrape it clean back down to the enamel.  So, I had a nice clean toilet again when Kyle began working on it.

The water line was clogged with minerals so I went with Adrian and him, to Home Depot, to buy new flush valves. I also bought 3 bags of salt for the Soft water tank that was completely out.

            Well Kyle had my toilet working again by 8:30 and for this old man that was a relief. He said now I could pee and poop to my heart content.  I think I was in bed by 9 and fell asleep at 9:30.

Bob Barker MC of the Price Is Right for 30 years and animal activist has died at age 99. He certainly was a regular fixture in daytime television during my youth.

            Andy Dalrymple messengered me several times today asking for advice on perhaps reviving the old Community council. I wrote back to him, “ When the Community council was formed in 1986 it was by likeminded activists who were the heads of the various independent organizations and AIDS was just becoming an issue. Also, we were more unified as there were no Lesbian organizations or Trans and bisexuals to have to deal with.  The Lesbian community hadn’t organized yet and trans and bisexuals were never identified as a movement back then.

 I don't know if there are actually any organizations today who would give any input on how to unify us. There's no LGSU, no MCC, no Affirmation no Wasatch Affirmation any more. The nonprofits like Equality Utah, Encircle,  AIDS foundation or the U of U Queer studies  have their own agenda and would they even bother?

Over the years, things have been dismantled and who would want to take on the responsibility of the Pride Center if their own board isn't willing? The big donors are gone away and all the people who started this stuff 30 years ago are seniors and cannot do it anymore. Is there a consensus with the so called LGBTQ+ community to even know what needs to be done? 

I  told Andy, I think you can try to reboot a council in good faith but without any real buy in I don't see how it can be  successful. Sorry for being a downer. I guess you can put feelers out but I think people have kind of moved on. I hope I am wrong.”

27 August 2023 Sunday

I woke up around 3:30 and just could not go back to sleep so I just got up and started my morning routine. No since just lying in bed with so many thoughts racing through my head.

Kyle had me go shopping with him this afternoon. I guess his taking over the kitchen side of the Bewilder Brewing Company is a reality. He wanted to buy ingredients to test out for a menu he will be making. We went first to Vosen’s Bakery on 2^nd South at the new location. I bought some light rye bread and Kyle bought some stuff, but the place did do seem like the bakery I remembered. From there we went to the downtown Harmons, which I don’t think I was there ever since they first opened. No reason for me to go out of my way. Kyle bought some bratwurst sausages that are made fresh daily and some items to make a potato dish. I bought an apple fritter to see how it was but I was surprised that it wasn’t much better than Lucky’s, which isn’t very good either.  Finally, he wanted a “mandolin” which to me is just a kitchen vegetable slicer so we stopped at Wal Mart on the way home.  Adrian didn’t go with us because he wanted to study his English lessons and later he detailed his car and washed it. It was a pretty day for doing that.

            Kyle, after resting a bit, spent the rest of the late afternoon and early evening in the kitchen experimenting so I stayed out of his way until I had to cook up the Pup’s chicken thighs. I mix it with carrots, rice, and some deli ham.

            Finally, around 7 Kyle had Adrian and I sit down for a dinner he prepared. It was a bratwurst, and a German spaetzle dish kind of like a German version of mac & Cheese. It was all good and of course guess who ended cleaning up?

            Anyway, that was much of my day. Kyle is waiting to hear from Milagros tomorrow before renting a van to go down to El Paso to retrieve them. I have a meeting tomorrow  with Palak Jayswal to talk about the Pride Center. Bill Blevin said the Gay men’s group can still meet there on Tuesday but is looking for alternative places for September. Micheal Repp was on television offering Club Verse as a place for people to hold meetings while the center is closed down. He said he’s working with the DABC to be able have a space for youth to meet there. Well good luck with that.

28 August 2023 Monday

Palek Jaywal from the Salt Lake Tribune called at 2 in the afternoon like she said she would. We talked on the phone for about an hour. She mainly wanted some background views on how the old Utah Stonewall Center was meant to be and how I perceived the Pride Center has change now. I hope I gave her some notable insights but fear I may have been rambling. Kyle should be proud because I didn’t say a word about Trans issues dominating the direction of the center. He was so worried I would go off on a trans rant.  The closest I came was saying when the Gay and Lesbian Community Council was organized it was by Gay men, as that the Lesbian Community hadn’t organized yet and bisexuals and trans issues were not part of the community until the late 90’s.

            Kyle came home while I was speaking with Palak. He is stressed over the whole Columbian thing as that there is no guarantee that the family will be released Tuesday or Wednesday which is probable but he has to be back in Salt Lake to open up the kitchen as Bewilder Brewing which is going to be his newest job. He told Lulu Pizzeria that this was his last real day as a consultant for them so he has to start something new right away.  His dilemma was whether to wait and rent a car to go down now to El Paso or wait until he hears something.  It’s a big gamble but he wanted my input, I suppose because I am paying for it all, and I suggested he gets transportation now and start going down and hope for the best.  The worst case scenario is that they aren’t processed in time.

            Well Kyle and I went to Enterprise Rental on 3^rd West and 4^th South where he went a six passenger vehicle and put it on my credit card. That was $800 if he’s back by Thursday, a little more if not until Friday.

            So back at the house Adrian and Kyle quickly packed and off they went around 4:30 to drive to Farmington, New Mexico tonight and into El Paso, Texas tomorrow. Then it’s just a matter of waiting to hear from immigration how fast they will be processed. As they have my address as a destination, Kyle said hopefully that will get them released that much sooner.

            Well, this is their Adventure not mine. All I can do at my age is lend a supporting role as long as the money lasts.

29 August 2023 Tuesday

It was hot today as it reached 100 degrees but tomorrow is supposed to get back down into the 80’s. This morning I watered some and cleaned some of the back patio and the storage area beneath deck that was full of old leaves and stuff just thrown in there. It had never been cleaned out since it was built. I was going to do a lot more today but never go around to it. Best of intensions I suppose.

            Adrian texted me that they had reached El Paso by noon and Kyle called around 3 with no news but he sounded tired. I am on pins and needles as Adrian's sister and her kids are in El Paso waiting for immigration to process them. As they are seeking refuge with Venezuela passports and have an address in the United States for them to go to, hopefully they will be expediated by today or tomorrow.. 

Kyle has to be back by Friday to start a new job so if they don't get processed in time, it will be a mess. We rented a 6 passenger vehicle for Adrian and Kyle to bring them home in, but it’s just a gamble that immigration will release them in our window of opportunity.

They came this far from Columbia, through the treacherous jungles of Panama, mostly on foot, separated at one point from the 14 year old boy in a rain storm, almost had the 18 year girl detained by Guatemalans who wanted to keep her, crossed a wide river on a raft, hiding in Mexico City because the Mexican government was deporting Venezuela refugees, swollen feet, riding on the top of trains, weeks detained in dangerous Juarez, and trying to cross the bridge into the United States only to be turned back until they had to cross through razor sharp barbwire, where the oldest girl cut her hands.

If we can get them here, they will have work, and I bought beds for the spare room also.  Yes it will be an adjustment, mainly that I will be the only English speaker when they get here, but Adrian is learning the language fast and they should fit in with my mostly Spanish speaking neighbors. Oh yes sharing a bathroom with 4 others after 27 years will be an adjustment.

Because they have Venezuelan status they have had it easier than many others like with Texas Governor Abbott drowning people in the Rio Grande.  Too bad he's not sending Adrian's folks by busing them to Salt Lake City.

When I see so many here on drugs, wanting handouts, wasting their lives, I am more than willing to help Adrian's family have a better life, hopefully, than where they fled from.

Some of my ancestors were English refugees to New England in 1633, some were Scottish refugees, a few Germans fleeing the Palatine Wars in the 1740s. Some sold themselves into indenture hood for a better life. I guess it’s time to give back I suppose.

Well, I have always tried to live by Christ's words to "free the captives and bind up the broken hearted." What else is life for?  As a sentient being who gets to rise up from the mud, look around for a bit, before descending back into dust, it's important to do as much good as I can as long as I can. 

In my old age I get to live in a commune,  just not a hippie one this time.

My cousin Stephanie wrote me saying “please let me know if you have Venmo or Zelle. I would like to help a little when  your guests arrive. I know they will need stuff.” I wrote her “Thanks I will let you know. They are coming with just what they have on their backs by law. We have a good thrift store called Deseret Industries that I buy most my clothes in to get them started but they all will need undergarments. The mother is about 37 and the two daughters 19 and 17 and a 15 boy. It will be interesting living with women again lol. Good thing I was once married to Fran. I don't have either of those accounts but I will talk to Kyle he will know what to do if we need anything .. will need to get the younger kids into school.”

I picked up Andy Dalrymple to go to the Gay Men’s Support group which I think was the only group meeting there tonight. The main lobby was darkened and no one was milling around. T J Otaka and Jim McMillan actually came out tonight. They wanted to give me a refrig magnate they bought me from their trip to Portugal. I told Toshi Shigihara when we came that he wouldn’t be the only Japanese at the meeting tonight LOL. When TJ came he went and sat with Toshi and Jim sat next to me. There were three new people but some who came last time didn’t. The check in topic was Toxic Masculinity but we mainly talked about the closing of the Pride Center and the failure of current leadership. A lot of the men there expressed their frustration of the center trying to be an umbrella to too many non-Gay groups. Before closing I told the group that just remember that it was Gay men who started the Gay and Lesbian Community Council in 1986 without any help from Lesbians, Bisexuals, or Transgenders and that it was the council that saved Pride Days and created the Utah Stonewall Center so that is something we can be proud of even if our contributions are discounted by others.  Bill Blevins said that Deb Hall is trying to negotiate us a meeting space at Friendship Manor on 13^th East and 5^th South. When we left I said well take a good look, this might be the last time we ever will be in the Center. I guess for 5 years it had a good run.

I may be critical of the Utah Pride Center's current predicament but I think I have done plenty to have the right to speak my mind. Five years ago, when they first moved to Main Street I was there almost every day . I wrote this in August 2018... “I have been down at the new Pride Center more this summer than I had been at the old center in four years I think. I've been going to the Wednesday noon men sack lunches, helping start a center history project, being there as well for my own Utah Stonewall History group that meets there now once a month.  I was asked to attend the Tuesday Gay Men's group last night for some insights on how I ran support groups back in the day and tonight I will be there again for a history project meeting. If one is anxiously engaged in a good cause how can one be lonely?...

When Robert Moolman left, there was a visible change. I felt  not wanted or needed as did many older members of the community who were no longer valued.  Oh well... everything has a season.”

30 August 2023 Wednesday

It was a much cooler day than yesterday when it was 100 degrees as today it was only in the mid-80s. I worked a lot this morning on going through Bill Poore’s stuff I tried to save and consolidated it all into one container. I also cleaned out a lot of Christmas stuff and put them in a container also. I also got rid of Grandpa Stetson hats I brought back from Texas over 25 years ago. They were old and raggedy and I thought Grandpa is in my heart and time to let these things go.

            I also decided to finally paint the back of the house near the door that was put in but the siding had been removed exposes just the weather wrap. I had left over Turquoise paint that I used in the front of the house. I was pretty tired after all that and I kept waiting to hear some news from El Paso.

Well, the attempt to rescue Adrian’s family failed. This evening Kyle called me and said they have not had any contact with the Border Patrol that has custody of the family and Kyle has to return to morrow to open his kitchen on Friday. So that was another waste of probably a $1000. The border patrol is only responsible to the Venezuela Consulate and they are not answering any queries.  It was a gamble and everyone lost, the family which will still be stuck in El Paso and Adrian for not rescuing his sister.  Well, it could be worse if they could be in Florida. I guess the hurricane flooded a lot of the west coastal cities. I feel sorry for the animals but not for the people who choose to live in that fascist state. I should be the one to judge since I live in Utah as the loyal opposition. I am sure there are good progressives in Florida also just outnumbered by the whack-jobs.

The Super Blue Moon occurred tonight but I was in bed before it peaked over our Wasatch mountains.  I won’t be around for the next one in the 2030’s.

31 August 2023 Thursday

I slept in late for me, around 7:30, but when I got up it was still kind of dark outside and the bright full blue moon was still luminescent in the western sky so I didn’t completely miss it, just when it was the closest to the Earth last night around 10 our time.

            We are frustrated beyond belief. Kyle and Adrian left out Monday to be down in El Paso to be there when the folks would have been released. They were in the custody of the border patrol who would not communicate with anyone except the Venezuela consulate which was not answering any communication. Kyle and Adrian were down there for three full days without a word and had to return today for Kyle to start a new job tomorrow.

I even rented a six passenger vehicle for them but they had no communication.  Kyle called and said to meet them at the car rental place at 2 so Kyle and Adrian drove back and just got in at the same time I was there to drop the van off. They looked exhausted and almost as soon as we came back to the house, Kyle received communication that the family had been released. Fuck!

Well Kyle went to a meeting with Cody the owner of Bewilder Brewing and they agreed  to let Adrian and me open the German kitchen at tomorrow and work from 11 to 4. It’s a good thing I know how to cook and make my way around a kitchen. However, I have to go clear out to West Jordan to Sysco’s foods to get a list of Food item and go to Harmons to some bratwurst and other things for the menu Kyle put together. I used to be a dorm cook at U C Irvine, worked in the oil fields as a camp cook, at an exclusive retirement home, and various restaurants long ago but never thought at 72  I would be back in the kitchen, but at least I have a 25 year old to assist me. Kyle didn’t have the $1800 for his restitution so I transferred $2000 onto my credit card because we are running out of options. Well, the adventure never stops, so Kyle took my Honda Fit to drive back down to El Paso to retrieve Adrian Villalobos  family. Good God.

This evening Kyle and I went over the menu via the phone so feel a bit better and then some lady came to the door around 8 asking if this cute white poodle was mine because it was following her as she was walking her dog.  I am not sure who the pup belongs to but was sweet.

The Adrian said he was hungry and asked if I would take him to McDonalds as he had no money. I gave him $10 I had in cash, had him drive his car to put $20 in it and then we went to McDonalds. I had to go to Lucky’s earlier to buy some chicken for the pups because I know I won’t have time tomorrow. I had to take the Terrain and it was completely on empty with the low light on. So, I put $25 into the tank so I won’t have to worry about it tomorrow. One less thing to stress about. So, this is how August 2023 ends.

 September

1 September 2023 Friday

The wind blew hard and fierce last night out here by the airport so it was very hard to get much sleep for what is going to be a busy day.  Kyle spent the night in Farmington, New Mexico so he is half way there to El Paso.

I was up at 6 to take pups for a walk before driving down to 90th South and 60^th West to pick up an order at Sysco foods. That was just the beginning of my stress because I didn’t really know how to get there or what to expect when I did, but it turned out less of a hassle then I expected.

Then I had drove back to Harmons in downtown to shop for a grocery order for bratwursts, and other items but they only had one package of brats buns so that was another stress. As it was I spent $130 on groceries.

So afterwards, I headed to Bewilder at 10 to meet up Adrian  and talk to Cody, the owner of Bewilder Brewing to try to figure out a strange kitchen. After hauling in all the supplies from Sysco and Harmons, I realized I had lost my reading glasses and I freaked as I would not be able to read the orders as they came in without them.

Stressed out to the max, I drove to El Rancho Market only to realize I forgot my wallet at Bewilder as I was driving the Terrain with Kyles key, and it was crazy trying to keep track of my phone, my wallet, and my own Fit keys. So, I had to drive back to retrieve my keys, hurried off to Smith’s on 9th and they didn’t carry reading glasses any more. Frustrated beyond belief, I told Cody that I had to go get glasses  and would be back as quickly as I could.

I drove all the way over to Family Dollar Store where I knew they had glasses and  bought 3 pairs then rushed back to be back at Bewilder. We opened for lunch at 11 but thank goodness it was still early for customers.     

The crew still thought we were working off the old menu and I had to inform them that Kyle wanted us to work off the new menu so it was confusing for both of us.  We put out some orders the best we could.  I know it was as difficult for Adrian as it was for me as neither fluent in either language but at least we had some kitchen experience.

We heard from Kyle that he reached El Paso and managed to retrieve Adrians family and they were on their way back. Kind of like a blessing, a transformer outside blew and the power and lights went off. So, we were in the dark with only the gas grill and fryer working. Cody knew it was nearly impossible to remain open and his main concern was his brewery. We put all the meats I coolers and freezers and hoped for the best and went home because there was nothing more we could do.

Adrian was exhausted and starving so he wanted to go to this restaurant called Sabor Latino on North Temple. I think he was also sad because Kyle is gone and anxious about his family. I was too exhausted to do anything but drink water.  I haven’t had a thing to eat but a piece of toast this morning and some coffee. I was too stressed with all I had to do to eat. Also, whether I am cooking at home or in a restaurant I don’t really feel hungry.

I was able to feed the pups and then collapse and went to bed to do it all again tomorrow until Kyle comes in. It's been a long stressful day but Kyle has the family finally and he will be home tomorrow with four weary sojourners coming to America with a hope and a dream.

Sometimes I even amaze me at 72 years. I suppose what doesn't kill you makes you stronger or wish you are dead. But Adrian's family is safe and coming home tomorrow. Everything else will work out or it won’t.

2 September 2023 Saturday

I am wide awake at 130  in the morning. Thoughts going through my head about Kyles’ new enterprise. He talked Bewilder Brewing into running the kitchen side as a business but have no idea where he has the money to operate a restaurant. I know in the morning he wants me to buy some more bratwurst and buns but also Adrian and I have to be there early to prep and set up.

I just put $25 into the Terrain and its nearly on empty again. I bought $130 worth of food for his kitchen and spent nearly $30 taking Adrian to dinner yesterday I put $20 in gas for Adrians car also. So, I am worried about expenses when Millagros and her teenagers arrive.

At least my house didn’t burn down like in Maui  or washed away like in Florida. I need to stop worrying, which is what I always do because all my life it’s just been me taking care of me. Never knew how to make more money than what it takes to get by and struggle.

Well, it might not be that long until my struggles are over like Bill Poore’s. When woke up I was already tired just thinking of all I had to do along with Adrian today. Could be worse. I could be in a rest home where no one bothers to come see me. Don’t Worry Be Happy is my mantra or when I find myself stressing out I keep saying over and over I am doing the best I can.

When I finished walking the pups, Kyle called me to tell me he lost his wallet somewhere at the motel they stayed in last night. So, I had to go on line and cancel my credit card that he had with him. He said money wise he can do everything over his phone so he will be able to get home and then worry about replacing his driver’s license and the rest. I know he must be exhausted and terribly frustrated so I just let that go. I went on line and saw that nothing had been used on it except what Kyle had pending so I will check again later.

I put $15 in the Terrain as it was almost on empty again and then Kyle wanted me to buy some buns at Harmons but they had none so he had contacted Vosen and had me go over there to buy what they had. That was also stressful because in front where you have to back in there was no open spaces so I ended up illegally parked and hoped for the best. Fortunately, parking enforcement was not around.  So, it was  nearly 10 but by the time I reached Bewilder, which was just a few blocks away on 4^th West between 4^th and 5^th South it was already after wards.  Actually, it’s in the old building where we went to see the Jason CoZmo’s Viva Le’ Diva Drags shows years ago.

Adrian pulled in about when I arrive and it was a much busier day than yesterday but we knew the routine more so less stress. We did the best we could and while at Harmons earlier I bought some water, sprite and cokes for Adrian and me because yesterday we had nothing to drink.

Around 3, Kyle came in and I was so relieved but I know he is running on pure adrenaline. I showed him a bit of what I knew of the place, another kid named Julian who worked there before, and Adrian stayed with Kyle. While I met the family for the first time and used the “Say Hi” app to explain what was happening. I first took them to the house to show them where they would be living and then I took them to Ross in Bountiful to buy shoes as all they had to wear  were shower-like flip flop shoes.

At Ross, I was super exhausted but knew they probably were as well. They were excited to buy new footwear. The women were pretty much on their own.  I haven't been in the women section of any store in over 36 years. Even with the boy Luis, he was more in the kid sizes than the men so I went with his to buy a pair of shoes and some underwear. The women had to buy bras and panties. I told them we would get more clothes at DI on Monday but I had forgotten that DI is closed for Labor Day.  Anyway, at checkout it all came to $200 which I suppose isn’t bad for shoes and underwear for 4 people two adults basically and two teens.

After taking them home and getting them settled in I fed the pups. I was going to return to relieve Adrian, but Kyle instead asked me to go buy more bratwurst. The Harmon downtown only had four so I drove over to the Harmons on 17^th East and 13^th South. A much smaller store but they had plenty of sausages so I bought all they had about 40 or more. After bringing them to Kyle he said just go home and rest and with the 3 of them they should be okay. I did not protest as I was running on empty.  I stopped at Lucky’s before home to buy some milk, orange juice, and a roasted chicken.

At the house I showed the family how to use the television, how to use the shower and washer and dryer, and showed them where things could be found in the kitchen. Their journey to here has been at least four months.

I was near collapse so at 7:45 I went to bed. So now I have a mom, her two daughters, and a 15 year old son at home. I am hearing them cooking in the kitchen. They had .arroz and a roasted chicken that I bought for them. Luis, like a teenager, was looking at his cell phone and Luisiana was watching some Spanish sitcoms on the Roku.

In my old age I have a house full and I like it but it will be an adjustment for me and the dogs and I am sure for everyone with now 7 people living in the house with four dogs and a cat.

Milagros’ family is so sweet and have gone thru so much. Pity the immigrant seeking a better life. The only thing I have to learn is that all the kids are named like Luisiana, Lucianny, and Luis lol.   From my room I am hearing cooking going on in the kitchen and it’s not me doing it so that is great. I bet Milagros is so happy to be able to actually cook a meal again for her children. Luisianna found the Spanish programs on the Roku lol. I guess I will learn Spanish by immersion. I heard a long time ago that Americans one day will be speaking Spanglish . I think that's not that far off.  Luisiana has already downloaded the Say Hi app on their phones also so at least we can all communicate with one another.

I don’t have much but we will get by.  There’s a whole lot of people making do with a whole lot less. it’s been a busy day with cooking and shopping.

My favorite line from any movie is from Year Of Living Dangerously... The character Billy Kwan said “Don't think about the major issues. You do what you can about the misery in front of you. You add your light to the sum of all light. What must we do? Give with love those who  God has placed in our path.” When it’s all over memories are what we leave behind.

            Alan Anderson texted me and asked if I needed some help with money.  I wrote back, “Well, I might because Kyle is just start a new job so I have been helping as much I can. The 15 year old boy and 17 year old girl are going to have to get them into school and will need some school supplies and some clothes but we are getting them settle first. They are sweet and grateful like Adrian. I will let you know. I wouldn’t ask for myself. We can get a lot of nice clothes shopping at D I.” Alan wrote back “We're in Idaho. I'll talk to you tomorrow night.”

3 September 2023 Sunday

I woke up at 2:30 and couldn’t sleep and saw that Ron Holmstrom posted that Kent Price had passed away at 78 years. I never met him but felt like I had, as he and I had been Facebook friends for many years. He was a retired school teacher like me, an artist, and “a give them hell” liberal baby boomer. I guess that is why I enjoyed being like a pen pal with him on Facebook so much. I had a few pen pals in my life that I never actual met. They seemed as close as friends in person. Kent was a good soul. Too bad he didn't get to see Trump go to prison . He was most importantly a Proud Gay Man.

            I kept the pups in my room with the gate shut so as not to bother anyone. I was able to make my coffee and a two slices of cinnamon toast which is about the most I had to eat in two days. It might be why my stomach is acting up.

            I saw that Luis Negrón had slept on the fold out bed but it hadn’t been made up  so I went and put a blanket on him while he slept. When he did get up later I put sheets along with the blanket so he would have them tonight.

Milagros Villalobos, her daughters Luisiana Negrón, and Lucianny Negrón worked  cleaning from top to bottom. I can tell there are women in my house. I guess being an old gay man with 4 dogs, i missed a few spots. They also were doing laundry washing dishes, mopping. I just stayed out of their way mostly.

All of the kids have downloaded “Say Hi” so we are communicating I think reasonably well. The pups are probably thinking what’s going on with the new routine but since they love people, it’s all good.

Adrian and Kyle were gone to Bewilder all day and at one point Kyle asked me to buy some bottle roasted red bell peppers which I did and brought them to him.  I didn’t go out again until it was time to go shopping. Milagros needed some pants and blouses  for work so we all piled into the FIT and went to Walmart where she found some pants but didn’t care for any of the tops. So, we bought the tops and a bunch of hygiene products toothbrushes, feminine products, and deodorant products. That kind of stuff. That was about $130.  Milagros wanted to go back to Ross in Bountiful where she saw some clothes there she liked. Bought some more work shoes, clothes for her, and a few for the girls, and bought a pair of shorts for Luis. That was another $125. I was wearing down but kept on going as they needed me.

So finally, we went to Rancho Market because it’s a Latino store and would have the brands and types of food of which they were accustomed. I took a picture of Luisiana excited seeing Venezuela items. It was crazy busy with shoppers. I think we bought out the store but teens got to eat and I spent about $250 on groceries. I never raised any  teens of my own so it’s all new to me. There wasn't much in the house for them to eat but where to put it all  is the question.

After feeding the pups late, it was nearly 7 by the time we finally came back to the house, I asked Luis if he wanted to go with me to walk around the block with the pups. I think he was glad to be out. He took TJ and I took Taco. Maxx walks himself lol.

Milagros was busy in the kitchen cooking some chicken Columbian style and making rice and I know Adrian is going to be so excited having a Columbian meal again when he gets home.  They made sure I ate with them at the kitchen table and that was kind of special as Luisiana said they were going to make sure I eat. Actually, Luis had them put too much food on my plate to eat LOL. I had to tell them I am an old man and had surgery to shrink my stomach. How strange my life has become. 

Kyle and Adrian came home almost at 10 and Adrian was starving because he doesn’t eat at Bewilder and was so happy to be with his family again and eat supper with them. Kyle doesn’t eat late because he gets stomach problems also. But I know he was enjoying have the family all here.

He did tell me that he has looked into enrolling Luciana and Luis at West High this Tuesday and I said I would go with him and them. Luciana is 16 and Luis is 15 and West High has a  good English as a second language program.

When I left them to go to bed, Rich Butler wanted me to call him and when I did he said he wanted to help out and offered to send me some money. I was reluctant because I am so independent to a fault but then so is Rich. We have been friends for so long and he said he has the money to help and said he wants to because I am like a brother to him. He offered to send me $2000 and I started crying. He will transfer it to my bank on Tuesday. He said he knows how much I try to do to help people and he wanted to help also.  It was hard for me to say yes, but it’s not for me, it’s for Adrian’s family.

4 September 2023 Monday

My stomach has been hurting again all night. So, I had to take my bariatric pills  but I was very gassy all night so didn’t sleep well at all  and when I finally did fall asleep thunder and lightning woke me. It was coming down in buckets for about 10 minutes ago with lightning and thunder which frightening the pups...Maxx hid in the closet, Taco  under the covers, TJ shaking like a leaf, with Lulubelle hiding somewhere. Now it's just a steady rain like it has all night.  It stopped around 8 but it’s gonna be a soggy labor day I think.

            We are going to get the 2 teens, Luis, and Lucianny into West High tomorrow,  one’s a freshman the other a sophomore so I thought I better get them some school clothes. All three went with me because Luisiana will need some work clothes. So off we went to Ross to get a couple of back packs and some school clothes at Ross. Lucianny wanted to go back to Walmart because  she liked a back pack she saw there and Luis said he couldn’t find any pants that fit at Ross.  So off we went to Walmart and at the store I couldn’t access Say Hi but Lucianny knew how to access Walmart’s Wi-Fi so we could communicate. Leave it to a teen age girl to figure it out.

After trying on  pants Luis found a pair but the girls couldn’t find things they liked in their size so Lucianny giggles, then asked if we could go back to Ross so off we went again but I said I am going to stay in the car and just send Luis out to go get me when they were ready. I was pooped out as it had been three hours by then..

 Luisiana said some guy at Ross told them there are a lot of Venezuelans here and that made them happy. She told him that their grandpa was an Americano who only spoke English. Lol

Well, the teens have got their back packs and clothes to start school tomorrow, if they can, and Lusianna has clothes now to look for work. I forgot how long it takes to go shopping with girls this rainy  Labor Day.

They said they are fixing a delicious soup for me and I said I am just taking a siesta. But the kids made soup and had me sit and eat at the table with then. It was delicious and it felt like family sitting around the dining room table.

Luis and Lucianny went with the pups and I for a walk around the block. They took TJ and Taco and I let Maxx walk himself. Met a  man named Lance who lives in the Niles Cul-de-sac who said he has lived there since February 1997 so there are a few old timers still around. He carries dog treats for pups he meets when he is out walking.

Adrian, Milagros, and Kyle came home a little after 9. Kyle said Sunday through Thursdays the kitchen is open until 9 and then Friday and Saturday until 10. Milagros said her day went well just had tired feet.

Kyle has to go to a doctor’s appointment at 8:30 tomorrow morning so I said I would go out to Sysco to pick up a meat order. The kids fixed their mom and Adrian soup for supper. Kyle doesn’t eat late but I stayed up with all of them and they seem so happy. It reminded me of the Roche’s song “the Boat Family where the refugees were eating their fish cakes and laughing. I guess if you have your family you can laugh with nothing much more matters, safe and sound under one roof.

This is America First Credit Union’s ABA/routing number “324377516”. It is the number needed for an electronic payments by Rich Butler tomorrow.

5 September 2023 Tuesday

I had to go out to Sysco this morning in South Jordan and since Kyle’s Terrain was on empty again I put $60 in it to fill it. It wasn’t a large order but mostly hamburger meat they needed today. I was back at Bewilder by 9:45 unloaded the supplies as Adrian and Milagros showed up and then Kyle. I went back home to pick up Luis and Lucianny, I suppose I should start calling her “Tutu” as that is her nickname.

I am still  using Bill Poore’s handicap sticker that expired August 2022 but so far now one has every checked. I was grateful for it because I was able to park in a space right near the Cafeteria entrance. Kyle reminded me that  I had been to West before for the “I Can Do” dances but that was over 13 years ago and I said well I have never been in the main building.

            I am so glad Kyle was able to meet us there to register the kids because without their birth certificates it was kind of difficult.  The Texas border patrol took all their documents. I rushed back to the house to get their entrance documents which showed their birth dates so the school knew what grade to put them in. I also had to show proof of my residence as they are living  with me. The school used the immigration release order that showed the kids birthdates and thank goodness Kyle knows Spanish. It's been an adventure for sure. Kyle got the forms for fees wavers and free or reduced lunches.  

The kids went with the ESL teacher Valarie Gates to be tested in ESL for about two hours in the afternoon. The kids were tested on how much English they know. I could have saved them time and said “none” Lol.. So, we are officially a West High family so I went home to get some lunch and Kyle went off to work.

Luisiana fixed me some pasta and she went with me back to West High where Luis and Tutu were with their counselors to get their class assignments. So, we waited for that then we went down to the distribution rooms to see if we could get their laptops but the school got out just about that time and long line of 20 students or more were waiting for the one woman in the supply room. We said we would just come back tomorrow.

So, we came home and it was pretty much a long and tiresome day for all of us for sure but we are a West High Panther family now. Also, I am officially a grandpa today as that West High has me down as their grandfather.

In the evening I took the kids down to Target to buy binders, paper, pencils, and pens for school tomorrow. Earlier this morning Rich Butler wired me a $1000 to put in my America First Credit Union to help out.

We are taking one hurdle at a time. The Negron-Villalobos clan all have a roof over their heads, beds to sleep in, and food in the house. Mom is working with Kyle and Adrian and I spent all day getting Lucianny and Luis registered at West High just 2 weeks late. Soon we need to find work for Lucianna and get her into SLCC. The people at West were wonderful. I was very impressed but I am exhausted after all I am the grandpa LOL.  Going through all these hoops makes me appreciate all that Mom and Dad did getting me through high school that I wasn’t even aware of.

It was around 9:30 when Kyle, Adrian, and Milagros came home from work and the girls had fixed them some dinner. Everyone stayed up until 10:30 catching up with all the events of the day and laughing. Adrian seemed really tired but happy.  Kyle for all his faults is really coming through for this family. I guess I’ve always known he basically has a good heart though made some bad decisions.

6 September 2023 Wednesday

Luis wanted to go walk the dogs with me and we met a couple of kids walking to the where the school bus will pick them up. Only kids who live west of Redwood Road are eligible to ride a school bus so we barely made the cut and will save me from having to take them every day.

So, it’s the first day of school at West High for Luis and Lucianny {Tutu} Negron. The school is a maze with 3 stories and annexes. I feel like we threw them into the deep end but teens are resilient and there are a lot of teachers who are bilingual there. God bless teachers. Kyle and I took them and showed them where their classes would be. I met Lucianny’s first period teacher and let him know it was her 1st day and only 4^th day in Salt Lake. Kyle took Luis to his first period.

Then Kyle and I went and picked up their lap tops and  also got UTA free bus passes for them plus for their mother Milagros. We left afterwards and hoped for the best.

Milagros, Adrian, and Kyle soon left for work. Later Lusianna came up to me and said that her stomach hurt meaning she got her period. My gay life certainly has changed in the past few days.  I went to Lucky’s and bought Midol for the first time in 35 years and it wasn’t for me like at Beyond Stonewall lol.  

I tried to rest myself, but at 2, I decided to go get a beard trim and haircut as I was getting shaggy. Then at 2:45 I went back to West High. Bill Poore had given me a handicap tag sticker  when I used to haul him around. I am using it to park close to West High to pick the kids up rather walking blocks away because when school lets out it’s crazy. The handicap sticker expired in August 2022 but no one seems to check in. So, in some ways Bill is still helping me and I think he’s like that.

Well first day of school was a success. The kids were all smiling when I picked them up and said it was easy and their first day was fun. Lucianny even had a new friend that she introduced to “grandpa”. Now I can stop worrying whether they will fit in. I think school will be great for them, even for Luis who is kind of typical teenage boy, impatient. However tomorrow, they will ride the school bus for the first time so there’s always something to worry about lol. So far I am super impressed with West’s teachers and kids.

Yesterday Kyle gave me some meat to put in the refrigerators in the garage and said he had a lot more now that needed to be frozen. So, I sent a picture of Mike Romero’s freezer that Richard Butler sold to me years ago to see if he wanted to use it. He did so I went to Bewilder where Adrian and Milagros filled the back of my Honda Fit with frozen cuts of beef briskets and pork loins. I took them over to Mike’s and Freezer seemed to be working after plugging it back in.

Finally, was able to come back to the house and feed the pups and Luis walked them with me. I think he needed to get out of the house. Luisianna was feeling better but still poorly but said the Midol really helped with the pain.

I called my nephew James Clark  this evening to let him know what is going on with me and let him know I wasn’t being held captive by Venezuelans Lol. I said I am happy they are here and I am fine and healthy as far as I know at my age. We visited a bit catching up. He’s a grandpa now that his daughter Abagail had a baby boy named Grayson. Have no idea what his last name is. Both Denise and James are Grandparents now So the beat goes on. I did tell him not to worry, that my funeral is all paid for and that I am going to be cremated and scattered up here, hopefully in my back yard with my other pups.

I was laying down when around 8, when Luis Negron, the father came to the house to see his kids. They were so excited to see their dad who they hadn’t seen for over a year. I called Kyle and told him that Luis was at the house and he sent Milagros and Adrian home early to meet with him because they had a lot of family matters to discuss.

Kyle asked me to come down and help close and take him home. When I arrived the entire parking lot was filled with cars. I never saw it so busy. I even had to park out on the street by the homeless. They had a late rush after letting Adrian and Milagros leave but he did have a helper, Tio putting out orders. I helped where I could, which wasn’t much and it was busy until 10 at night although technically the kitchen closes at 9. I helped with the cleanup and closing down of the kitchen and it was around 10:30 before we were back at the house.

The Negron Villalobos Clan were all sitting around the kitchen table and had fixed dinner for themselves. I am not sure how long  Kyle stayed up but as the rest were Spanish speaking magpies I went to bed.

However, I was so wired that I didn’t really get to sleep until midnight. So not sure what is all going on. But the I don’t suppose I need to know.

I have been too busy lately to say how grateful to my friends and family who have offered to help out with getting the Villalobos  family settled here. It means so much to have so many caring people in my life. It makes me so happy when I go to bed hearing their laughter and joy after all they went through to get here. Sometimes it’s easy to forget how lucky we are that we don’t have to be refugees or having to move to a different country for a better life. We can make America Great Again by getting rid of MAGA and voting Blue

7 September 2023 Thursday

I was up at 6:30 and the kids were stirring, about then, to get ready for school. I walked with them to Morton and Daleridge to catch the bus but they didn’t have a bus schedule and I just kind of remember them being told it around 7:45.  We left the house and waited on the corner but I was anxious because I wasn’t seeing anyone else waiting there. Finally, around 7:45 a West High kid walked by but said he was catching the school bus at Morton and West Quarter Horse which is just north of 1700 South. We hurriedly followed him and at that corner there was a group of teenagers and just as we reached there the Bus pulled up at 7:50. 

            So, I got my walking out of the way this morning until coming back to the house and Taco insisted that he and the gang get their morning walk so off we went.  What you do for love.

Then Kyle came up and said he and Adrian were fighting again because Adrian accused him of wanting to fuck his nephew. That threw me for a loop because I saw that Kyle was just being friendly with Luis as he was with the girls. So, they had a big fight last night and I had heard someone yelling. It must have been Kyle who said he was done with Adrian and Adrian said he wasn’t going into work. Shit can’t we just not have this drama?

            So, Kyle went off with Milagros and I went down stairs and Adrian was still in bed visible upset. I said no matter what you and Kyle are going through right now, you must get up and go to work. It’s not just you and Kyle anymore. There are kids to feed and clothes, people that you wanted here. I like them being here but I can’t afford to take care of your family without you working also. He told me that Kyle had gone a bit crazy down in El Paso when they first went down there when things did not go as plan.  When Kyle gets stressed to the max sometimes he just loses it. I heard yelling last night and I suppose it was Kyle losing his temper.

            Anyway, I wouldn’t let Adrian just be depressed and upset over his relationship. I said we can work that out later. Now Milagros and Kyle need your help.  So, he showered and got dressed and I drove him to Bewilder. I went in with him and started helping him chop onions for sauteed onions.  Then Kyle asked me to go to Harmons and buy a dozen each of the four kinds of sausages as well as other items. You could tell there was still a lot of tension between them.

            So off I went to Harmons again and $130 later I brought back the supplies but Kyle needed bunches of fresh dill which Harmons didn’t have. I was completely on empty having forgotten to get gas with all the drama this morning but luckily there was a Maverick right across the street from Bewilder. It was $4.30 a gallon!

            Anyway, I went to the Glendale Smiths, no dill. So, I went to the Smith’s Market place on 5^th East, still no dill. Finally at Sprouts on 2^nd South and 7^th East, they had fresh dill and I bought 4 bunches and some curly parsley before going back to Bewilder.

            There wasn’t much else I could do there so I went to D.I. in Glendale looking for more bath towels but they only had 3 so I bought them and more bowls and plates. I need to get more towels since I have four extra people taking showers.

            Then at home I tried to rest some but just wanted to almost cry out of frustration over Adrian and Kyle. I know a lot of it is from being tired and stressed out. The three of them are working 10 hour days basically 7 days a week. That cannot be sustained for long.

            I was expecting the kids home around 3:45 since school let out at 3:15. So when they weren’t home I freaked hoping that they didn’t get lost. Luisianna went with me and again fortunately a father was waiting nearby where they got on this morning and said the bus was on the way.

We were barely there when the bus came at 4 and I was so relieved to see the two get off the bus. Lucianny had a bus schedule finally and they don’t even leave West until 3:45 a half hour after school gets out. Well, it’s all new to me but  the kids don’t have a way to contact me if they had gotten lost so I was anxious the whole time. Well, I get that if they made it 5500 miles from Columbia I guess 3 miles from West to home is no big deal. But still.

            So, the rest of the day was the kids fixing an after school late lunch and waiting for the working folks to come home.  

Jim Dabakis called me later to see how I was doing and said that he was going to contact Phil McCarthy of the Tribune McCarthys who said he’d help with supplies for the Villalobos Clan. I am just not sure all that they still need.

            When Adrian and Milagros came in they were bone tired saying it was really busy tonight. Luisana fixed them some dinner but Kyle never came upstairs. I wanted to know how he was but thought I better just leave him alone.

            I did text him saying I heard you were super busy so you must be successful and he texted back. I wish my marriage was successful.  

8 September 2023 Friday

Luisianna and I walked with Luis and Lucianny to the bus stop at Quarter Horse and Morton this morning. Yesterday I walked the girls to the bus stop because the kids weren’t sure how to get home to the house from the drop off. They now feel comfortable with how to get there and back so I think from now on they will be on their own.

            Then Kyle came into my room and said that he and Adrian had such a blow up and that he wants to move out. I was stunned. He is so upset that Adrian made the comments of being jealous of the normal affection that he had shown Luis. Why is it when things seem to be going smoothly there’s always a crisis?

I decided to go into Bewilder this morning because Fridays are long and hard on them and I know there will be some tension and friction. The Bewilder kitchen right now is Kyle’s only source of income and if it fails we will just be in a world of hurt. My income is not enough to support the seven of us. The $1000 Rich gave me is already gone when I got a notice that my $473 car insurance was taken out today and Kyle had me go to Harmons to pick up a sausage order. That was $384.

So far this past week I have spent $775 for Kyle’s business. On the Villalobos clan I spent $1,115  this past week but Rich’s generosity actually paid for all that. Right now, I have only $122.50 in shared savings and $165.78 in my checking and I am down to $2030.40 in my money market savings that I may have to use to keep Kyle out of jail if he doesn’t pay his restitution.  I just know he is behind on his car payment. This doesn’t even include the money racked up on the Credit Card used to bring the family up from El Paso.  But  I haven’t had to use any of the line of Credit yet and hope not too except for emergencies.

            So, things are going to be tight until money comes in from the restaurant, which I have no idea how long it will be or how it is going or if it will be enough to support us all or even if Kyle wants to as he wants to divorce Adrian.  He still has that damn $1800 a month restitution.

            So, I went to Bewilder and Adrian and Milagros came with me in the FIT and ‘Kyle drove the Terrain by himself. I don’t know whether that was planned or not. At work I helped where I could mainly helping put up a Sysco order that came in. Then kept busy until I had to leave to go home to meet Phil McCarthy the friend of Jim Dabakis of the family that once own the Tribune. He went shopping at Smiths and bought sweaters and towels and other items for the kids as well as gave me a $250 Smith Food Card and an envelope full of cash. I almost started crying. What an angel. He came with a Latin friend named Victor and I introduced Luisianna to them, who was so grateful. I hugged everyone for their generosity. I know there are more good people that bad in this world for sure. I still don’t know how to process all this generosity from my friends.

            Anyway, I tried to rest some in the afternoon while Luisianna was cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom on her own initiative and then after the kids made it home at 4 from school, I fed the pups early  and was back at Bewilder by 5 in the afternoon. It was then That Kyle asked me to go pick up the $360 bratwurst order from Harmons and Adrian asked if I would buy him some Oreos which of course I did.

            I spent the rest of the evening mainly as a pots and pan dish washer so the rest could concentrate on getting orders out. They work so hard that I wanted to not have them worry about the cleanup. 

When I saw that I had a notice from AFCU that my checking dropped below $200 that was when I checked and saw how low my account had gotten. I went into Kyle’s office and told him that I wouldn’t be able to keep getting supplies until my Social Security comes in. I just didn’t want to think he could depend on the $2000.

We also talked about his moving out and I said that it would break my heart and that Adrian could sleep upstairs with Luis if needs be. Kyle is having an emotional response to Adrian thinking Kyle wanted to fuck Luis because of the way his own family treated him when he was a teen and had sex with neighborhood kids. He was sent to therapy and I don’t think that kind of trauma ever goes away. Adrian was sexually abused as a child by his father so I think they both are broken in some ways that may never be repaired. All I know is that I started crying and told him it would break my heart if he left and he said it breaks his heart to think that Adrian thinks he would molest Luis when he just wanted to have a relationship with Adrians family that he never had with any of his own.

I don’t know if the impasse can ever be made right. I just know that Adrian and Milagros are working their butts off nearly 10 hour days 7 days a week for Kyles’ new enterprise.

            I stayed until near 10 myself when Kyle said he was closing the kitchen and he said he wanted me to go home first so Milagros and Adrian would ride with him. I think that was important. I also noticed that Kyle had never taken off his wedding ring.

            Back at the house everyone was around the kitchen table except Kyle was downstairs and Milagros went to her bed. I had Adrian come into the bedroom and said that if things were so bad he should sleep upstairs with Luis if Kyle needs his space because I don’t want Kyle to leave. He said he was going to sleep downstairs. So, after that I stayed out of it and went to bed myself.

            The control freak in me realizes I can’t control anything but can only hope to smooth the waters. What will be will be. The future is not ours to see. Que Sera, Sera. Sometimes I think I would like Bill Poore’s peace, but there’s miles to go before I sleep and promises to keep.

9 September 2023 Saturday

Well, another crisis with Kyle and Adrian somewhat diverted. Adrian went down and slept with Kyle and this morning he said things between Kyle and him were good whatever that means. I never spoke to Kyle about it and thought if Adrian said things were good to just let it rest.

            Kyle took Adrian and Milagros into work and I stopped at Lucky’s to buy store tomatoes  because Kyle would need them today for the hamburgers. So, I was there about 10:30 and helped where I could with some prepping. Kyle said he wants to have a brunch on the weekend so not sure how that will work but he’s having waffles I suppose.

            I knew it would be another long day and I worked until 2 this afternoon helping where I could. Staying busy keeps me from stressing out over other issues.

I gave Kyle $100 from the cash that Phil McCarthy gave me, and without him knowing I gave Adrian Milagros each $100 also. I know that they aren’t technically working for free due to all the money spent on bringing the family here and the initial expense of buying clothes and such, but still when you work you should see some reward for your labor. It’s not much but at least now they have some cash and hopefully it helps mentally.

            When I came back to the house, I helped Lucianny Negrón with her PE worksheet on Pickleball. The worksheet was in English and I thought what the hell is pickleball lol.  But I read through it and showed her how to find the answers. Then at 3, I took a siesta before going back to Bewilder Brewing at 6 to help in the kitchen this evening. I had to make sure the pups were fed and walked before I left. I also had to stop at Family Tree to buy some soap, shampoo, and other items for the girls.

Working in the kitchen is definitely a family operation right now but it's coming together. I told Kyle I will be chief bottle washer and kitchen prep but am too slow to work at putting out the orders.  I was tired and would sit and cat nap but when Kyle said to go home I said I would not. I wanted to have all the trays and pots and pans cleaned so Adrian and Milagros could just leave when we close up. I know how hard it is to work all day and then have to clean up at the end. A ten hour shift is more than long enough for anyone.

Back at the house, Milagros went straight to bed to rest while Adrian had some supper and visited with Lucianna. He again reiterated that “it was good” between him and Kyle but I noticed that Kyle still won’t come upstairs.  No matter how much you love too many blow ups can wear down any relationship.

My visa card came back in the mail to replace the one lost in New Mexico. There were no added charges on it that I could see. There’s $1200 still available but the card is up to over $5000 again. I have an untouched limited of $5000 in my line of credit still.

It is strange how life goes in circles. In the 1970s when I was in my 20s I was a cook and worked in many kitchens. Now in the 2020s I am in my 70s and back in the kitchen.

10 September 2023 Sunday

Woke up this morning at 6:30 but didn’t get out of bed until 7 to fix some coffee. I try to be quiet because Luis is sleeping in the front room.  I fixed some English muffins also and ate some for my breakfast. I can see that my appetite has really diminished.

 I took the pups for a walk around the block at 9, so I can be ready to go in the morning. It won’t be such a late night, only until 9 tonight.  I am grateful that Kyle and Adrian have made up or at least have settled their issues for now.

I went to Bewilder at 10 and did some dishes, some prep work, and generally reorganizing on the supply side if the kitchen.  I only stayed until 2, then went home to rest a bit so I can feed the pups before going back in at 6.

Luis Negron-Villalobos went with me to walk the pups and Carlos Bahena’s family was back from their California Vacation so I brought them their mail and introduce Luis to him and some of his boys. They don’t go to West High but to a charter school so I doubt whether they will get very close as friends. You never know.

Luis Negron, the kid’s dad came by around 5 to take them shopping so after they all left, I fed the pups and then stopped at Lucky’s before going to Bewilder. I needed my coffee and powdered coco, as I was all out and I bought a loaf of bread, some bananas, and four cases of coke and sprite for the kids.

When I went in, I saw that they had been busy, as the dish tub was filled, so I spent a good hour washing up. I feel like I am being useful in a way that I can at my age. Working two shifts with a nap break in between makes it for the time being doable.

Adrian said it’s getting better for him also now that he knows the routine and I do think not having to do any of the washing helps both Adrian and Milagros not be over worked, as they put in such long days. It’s not all work constantly for them as it comes in spurts but still just being at work all day can be weary.  We were done by 9 p.m. and basically cleaned up so I left and they weren’t far behind me.

At the house Luis Negron was still there with the kids and Milagros had some late dinner with them. Adrian and Kyle went to the store and I gave them the $120 I was going to spend on groceries so they could.

I said buenas noches to everyone and the pups and I went to bed. Well, we made it through the first week together with a couple of hiccups. We had generous help from good people, Rich Butler, and Phil McCarthy. The kids are in school and taking the bus so I don’t have to drive. Adrian and Milagros are working hard, long days, as is Kyle getting a kitchen set up at Bewilder Brewing on 4th West and between 5th and 4th South.

I come in for about 8 hours to work, in four hour shifts, doing some prep and wishing pots and pans. It's tiring but better than just watching the boob tube as I am with people I love like a new family. Café work is in my blood as the Danforths and Williams had cafes for many years.

11 September 2023 Monday

I woke up in the middle of the night with a Charlie Horse in my left leg so I had to get up and walk it off.  TJ had a rough go of it with his heart condition, trying to catch his breath, poor guy. Otherwise, all slept well.

            Luis and Tutu were up early to get ready to catch the bus and head off for school. I stayed in bed until they were gone then got up to fix some breakfast and coffee. I had pancakes for the first time in a while.

            I went in to Bewilder Kitchen to help set up and prep with Adrian, Milagros, and Kyle.  I stayed until nearly one and Adrian asked if I would bring from home the chicken that we put in the oven. I knew they were looking forward to it but when I walked into the house I could smell the chicken was burning. I called for Luisianna and but she wasn’t home.

I took the chicken out and the outer part was blackened. I called Kyle and said that Luisianna wasn’t at home. My worse fear was that she went out jogging  and got lost or even attacked along the Jordan River because she is so pretty. I don’t know why my mind always goes to a dark place because I am such a worrier.  Anyway, Kyle didn’t seem all that concerned and said he’d let Milagros know.

            So, I tore off the burn skin parts and salvaged what I could to bring back to Bewilder. While I was tasting the chicken I must of swallowed some without chewing thoroughly and a piece of chicken got caught in my throat. I thought oh crap I am going to die here in the kitchen and no one will find me until later. The first gulp of water wouldn’t dislodge it, but then I took sips and I guess finally it went down so I could breathe.

            With that crisis averted I took the shredded chicken back to Bewilder and Milagros said that Luisianna had gone out with a friend of hers from Bogota who now lives in Utah. So that was a relief off my mind. So then, I came home to take a siesta. While I was sleeping Luisianna came home and after I took a shower and cleaned up, she came to see me in the kitchen and I showed her the picture of the chicken I had taken. She felt bad.

            When I left this morning, I told her that the timer was set for 30 minutes longer and when she heard the timer go off, she thought the oven went off also.  So, after she left with her girlfriend, the chicken was still basking in the oven for almost 2 hours longer.  Oh well.  It’s all a learning curve for everyone.

            I put on a post roast with onions, potatoes, and carrots in the crockpot for supper before leaving after walking and feeding the pups. I was back at work around 5 and the traffic downtown was horrific with all the construction causing lane closures. I am not sure why I say back to work as I am volunteering my time and not getting paid so technically it’s not “work”..

            Kyle was making Belgium Waffles when I returned, that he wants to serve for a brunch this weekend with a beer flavored syrup. But Adrian was nearly ecstatic that one of the Backstreet Boys will be performing in Salt Lake City in a few weeks and I suppose a friend of Kyle’s got him tickets to see him. Later at work I saw Kyle give Adrian a kiss. That made my heart glad.

            So, I mainly did pots and pans and dishes all night and we had a bit of a rush around 7 when Adrian had to go to Rancho Market for a Western Union issue for his brother who is working in Virginia. So, it was Kyle and Milagros cranking out items as fast as they could. I know absolutely I am too old to work the station and I am best suited being a workhorse keeping up with the dishes.

            When I came home I went to bed tired but this is the life I chose. There was a terrible earthquake in Morocco.

            There’s a whole generation of 21 year olds and younger for whom 9-11 is just history.

12 September 2023 Tuesday

Luisianna came and asked if I would take her to the store to get some pads as her mom and started her period. I never thought in my old age I would be buying pads, maybe depends for men but not pads for women LOL.

            I guess She and Adrian have started going to the gym in the morning before he goes off to work. Well, they are both young and can do it.

            I went down to Bewilder Kitchen and it was another hard day.  I spent the morning breading chicken, pork, veal, and beef patties as schnitzels. It was a slow morning order wise so I was able to get everything breaded and put away.

            Kyle called the District to find out why the kids weren’t getting a free and reduced lunch and evidently there was another additional form we were aware of. Hopefully, that will take care of the issue.  When Tutu and Luis came home I gave them each $10 to spend on school lunches.

            Milagros asked if I would take Luisianna down to Murray to retrieve some money from the kids’ dad. He wasn’t going to be home until around three so I tried to take a nap but was waken kind of groggy when Luisianna said it was time.

            The dad lives in some apartments around 42nd South off of Main Street and I had never been there before but Luisianna had so she knew where to go. There is so much new apartment construction west of State Street in Murray that it was like a brand new city.    

            I knew I wouldn’t make it to the Gay Men’s support group tonight and might not for some time. Kyle asked to bring him some Prego Spaghetti sauce to work for his supper which I did. After returning to Bewilder, he showed me how much the kitchen had made in the last 9 days since we took over the kitchen on the 1^st of September. It was around $4500 but with all the startup expenses, he said they barely broke even but he said was pleased with the projection because each day was getting better.

            Then in the evening there was a rush around 6:30 to 8:00 in the evening and we were slammed. I had to prep some but I was many busy keeping up with washing trays, pots, and pans.  The last half hour slowed down enough so that we could start to break down the kitchen and get out a little after 9.  I was home by 9:15 and the rest followed shortly afterwards. I said good night and went to bed.

            I noticed that Kyle still doesn’t come upstairs but goes directly to their room. I don’t think it’s because of the kids anymore as much as he just needs his own time alone. I can only hope he and Adrian have settled down.

13 September 2023 Wednesday

When I went to bed, I woke up shortly after sleeping, coughing like I was going have like acid reflux and throw up. That was weird.

My new morning routine is to stay in bed until Tutu and Luis leave for school around 7:30 so they can get ready without me in the way. I then fix my coffee and I had hot cereal for a change.  I went into Bewilder, taking Adrian and Milagros as Kyle had to be down at Lulu this morning.

            While trying to use the Mandola to slice onions, I cut the tip of my finger that bled profusely so I had to wear a rubber glove for much of the day. I think I am too old to be slicing a lot of things. So, I let Adrian finish the onions and I went and helped Milagros organize the back storage room.

I really dislike the tattooed up skank who works the bar and the waitron side of the pub. She has that “I am better than you” attitude because she  is on the other side of the kitchen. She looks like a difficult, but easy lay.  At one point when Adrian ringed the bell several times to let her know an order was ready, instead of just asking that we only ring the bell once, she came across, as talking down to us, saying that ringing it more than once was aggressive. She is one of the reasons I’ve always had issues with many wait staff because of their ignorant attitude towards the kitchen. However, she is the only bitch that I have encountered on the staff so far and the rest seem to be amicable. Hopefully, this is not going to be my life forever.

It was very slow this morning, and when Kyle came back, I left around 12:30 to go to Smith’s to buy some more hot house tomatoes. The ones Kyle ordered form Sysco were not very ripe.  I also stopped at Family Dollar to buy some bottle washing utensils that will make it easier to clean some of the condiment bottles.

 I was pretty tired once home so took a nap until the kids came home from school.  The pups are still getting their two walks a day so nothing really has changed for them, except I am feeding them a little early so I can go back into Bewilder which I did by 5:30.

            It ended up being a super busy night. I guess on Wednesday the pub has a trivia game night that brings a lot of people in. Kyle said that we did close to a $1000 in sales tonight.  We were that busy. Kyle, Adrian, and Milagros worked the line pushing out the food and I was swamped keeping up with the washing.  Even though the kitchen closes at 9, we were so busy up to then that I didn’t get home until almost ten followed by the rest.

            I checked my American First Credit Union and my Social Security Check was deposited so I have some money to get by on for a while. I have $1400 in shares savings, $1700 in Money Market and $250 in Checking.  For $3,390.

In the news Mitt Romney stated he won’t run for Senator in 2024 and Craven McCarthy said he’s opening an impeachment inquiry on President Biden because the Republican Fascists said they will either shut down the government or remove him as speaker if he doesn’t.

14 September 2023 Thursday

After the kids left for school I checked on the 40 lb. bag of frozen chicken that Kyle had me but in the freezer. I took it out last night to thaw. I decided to put the chicken in smaller freezer bags rather than in the one big block of chicken. I put it in on the table on the hot tub deck to unpack. I was surprised that it was in several like 10 lb. bags and the it was mostly boneless chicken thighs.

However almost immediately, wasps were attracted to the meat and I careful started repackaging the chicken into much smaller units so I could use the meat to feed the pups, for which is why Kyle brought it home.

Anyway, I was super careful not to disturb the wasps, even letting them at times land on my hands, just not to threaten them because there was a swarm of 20 or more buzzing around me. I was almost done when I reached into the chicken parts and there must have been a wasp I didn’t see and it stung me on the bend of my flipping off finger. I was being so careful not to provoking the evil buggers. The sting grew increasingly more painful and it  burned and ached all day. But it could have been worse, I suppose, if I had been attacked by several more.

            Adriana and Milagros went together to Bewilder as Kyle had to go down to Lulu’s this morning and then out to Sysco to get some more items for the kitchen. I stopped at Rose Parks’ Smiths to get some hot house tomatoes and was going to get some Buttermilk but they were out. I thought how can they be out of buttermilk?

So, I went into Bewilder and helped set up a bit and when Kyle called and asked me to go to Harmons to buy more “Original Brats” because they were almost out. So, I did. I bought what they had about 48 of them for $70 brought them back to Bewilder and then I left to go home. I stopped at the Glendale Smith’s and they also didn’t have any Buttermilk. Bewilder needs it to make Ranch Dressing.

At the house I took Luisianna to T-Mobile so she and her mother could have the same phone connection. Kyle also wanted Luisianna dressed appropriately to come into work as a surprise for Adrian and Milagros, so I did. Then left again to come back to the house to rest and to wait for Tutu and Luis to come home from school to let them know what was going on.  I cooked up some beef steak strips with bell peppers for the after school supper and some of the chicken meat for the pups. I think I only got a 20 minute nap.

            After I walked the pups and fed them, I headed back to Bewilder around 5:30. It was a very slow night compared to yesterday but Kyle had made up a bunch of different platters of food for a photo-op  and for people to try. He was even making the Belgium Waffles. 

Luisianna had been washing pots and pans when I got there and I took over for the rest of the evening. I think the Villalobos Clan was happy to be all together again, working together. I could hear them laughing and being joyful.

            I guess the kitchen is opened Thursday through Saturday until 10 at night while the rest of the week only to 9. But I was really tired and told Kyle I was going home at 9 because I think I was simply fatigued and still affected from the wasp sting. I came home then and went straight to bed.

15 September 2023 Friday

Kyle took the Villalobos Clan into work early around 9, so as they kids were off to school by then, it felt like I had the house to myself. Thus, i cleaned and vacuum some and did some laundry.

I went into work myself around 10:30 and saw that they had completely rearranged the kitchen, getting rid of equipment not being used. It was much more functional for sure but I had to reorient myself to where things go now.

Kyle had me prepare chicken schnitzels because they were almost out but that was the most prep work I did. He had the BBQ smoker outside experimenting with some beef shanks he is thinking of added to the menu.

I stayed until a little after 1 then came back to the house to rest up and I tried to nap which I did for about an hour. I had just gotten up to put some rice on and to chop up some chicken, when Luis and Tutu came home at 3 instead of 4. Fridays must be an early out. I had fixed them some supper of stewed meat and watched some TV before going back in at 5:30.  It’s been a while so I caught up on an episode of Archer and What We Do In the Dark.

At Bewilder, I took over washing from Luisianna to let her help push out food with Adrian and Milagros. I also gave Milagros and Adrian each $100 so they could have some cash for their labors. It’s not much for what they do but it’s something, I suppose. Kyle was not all that pleased with the beef shanks he was experimenting with. He thought they were too dry. However, Kyle was excited to share that it was the first night that sales were over $1000. Last Wednesday, we were just short of that mark by around $25. He did make some chocolate shakes for the crew but while tasty, it made me sleepy. I became so tired that at 9 I said I was going home which I did and went straight to bed.

16 September 2023 Saturday

It’s after 230 in the morning and I am wide awake. Around 1, I think, I was wakened by the sound of someone loudly shouting my name and when I was cognisant, I realize it was Kyle calling for me to come from downstairs.

Alarmed, I went down into his bedroom and there Adrian and he were at it again, yelling at each other. Adrian was standing holding Kyle’s phone and he wouldn’t let him have it. Kyle was laying bed and they were having another horrible row with Kyle saying Adrian wouldn’t let him leave the room and said he felt threatened. When I managed to have Adrian return the phone, Kyle said he was calling 911.  I told him absolutely not to but he did anyway. He hung up, however, after making the call. I  got them to calm down somewhat but the police showed up anyway.

I was in my nightshirt but I went outside to meet the officer who responded. I explained the row they were having was intense but not physical. No one was hurt and no one would be. The officer asked to come in see for himself and I agreed and as he was satisfied no one was being harmed, he left.

Afterwards I sat on the bed between the pair, trying to reason with Adrian that no matter how their relationship ends, we are responsible for the welfare of his family and that means making Bewilder work. Adrian said he didn’t think Kyle loved him because they only have sex 3 times a week and he thinks Kyle is looking on his phone for other sex partners. I said that Kyle shows his love for you by all that he has done, even retrieving your family from El Paso. I also said that when Kyle asked you to marrying him you could have said no. It isn’t like you didn’t know Kyle has a temper and blows up but feels remorseful later.

I know part of the fight is emotional, with Adrian extremely jealous and evidently has a 25 year old sex drive compared to almost a 45 year old. I also think a lot of it is simply stress and Adrian not getting as much affection as he needs and Kyle not emotionally able to provide it. Adrian I think equates sex with love and I know for Kyle, sex is simply a drive he has.

I told them that the only thing that keeps us from being homeless is my paying the mortgage but I can’t do it all alone. I need Kyle to succeed. I told him how I only make $3600 a month and a third of that goes to the mortgage, another third to the car solar panels and Kyle’s work truck and the rest I have to pay utilities and bills and buy food.

I asked Adrian what was his plans if he left Kyle and he had no answer. Kyle said he wanted to be away from Adrian. I said where would you go? You have no money and he said he would sleep in the Terrain. When I asked, he said he was about a month behind on a payment on the Terrain and I said what would you do if they repossessed it with you in it? 

I  was down stairs for over an hour trying to mediate and be a voice of reason to diffuse the anger and hurt before they finally agreed to go to bed. I know they must be physically exhausted as well as emotionally from the fight.

I went back upstairs and tried to sleep but I heard Luis listening to music or something on his phone that kept me up for a while.  I know the family must have heard Kyle shouting for me and Luis probably heard the police show up.

No one is thinking straight but me right now, and I said we are all broken but if we act like a family we can get better. I have no idea what will happen today between Adrian and Kyle...I have no control whatsoever over anything.

I had the weirdest dream his morning before waking up that felt so real. I dreamt that Kyle wanted me to have sex with him and Adrian as a go between. I also realized that I am no longer interested in sex for sex’s sake but wanted to just keep them together. I think subconsciously I must be an emotional wreck myself.

I kept the pups quiet this morning, and in my room, because I knew everyone needed their rest  for another day at Bewilder. However around 8:30 I walked the pups as Taco needed it.

I was too tired to even fix coffee this morning and quietly stayed in bed until others began to stir and get ready to go back to Bewilder. I left at the same time as they did but they reached the parking lot before I did.

Adrain was sullen and distant this morning so he was still harboring resentment from last night and Kyle put on his resistance and just went to work. However, as the day wore on, Adrian seemed to let go some of his hurt emotions and almost became light hearted again, joking with me and his family.

Kyle had me bread some more chicken schnitzel which took most of the morning. The rest were busy with Brunch now that Kyle is serving waffles and bacon. He burnt the first batch of bacon even though I kept reminding him to keep an eye on it. The good news was that the pups now had 16 pieces of thick cut bacon.

I breaded the chicken all by myself as the others were busy. I had to first pound the chicken breasts into thin pieces, flour them lightly, dredge them in an egg batter, and then coat them in seasoned bread crumb. I did 42 of them so that basically was my morning.

Adrian and Kyle seemed to have, at least, settled whatever blow up they had last night to be at least cordial and work together by the time I went home at 2 in the afternoon. Four hours is plenty to be on my feet especially after the crisis during the night.

At home Luis was watching some Latino television and Tutu was cleaning the house. I fixed myself a bacon sandwich on Toast as I hadn’t eaten this morning and just went to my room where I  tried to sleep. I guess I did for nearly an hour and was up after 3 to  walk the pups and feed them. They had bacon bits mixed in with their chicken and rice. I just rested some more before heading back to Bewilder by six.

I could tell they had a busy afternoon by the piles of dishes I took to the back and started washing. What I mainly do is scrub pots and pans and wash the trays and dishes.  I know that helps the rest to just concentrate on pushing out the food.

Kyle has started an Oktober Fest menu and at one point a group of Germans came in and ordered the shanks he had cooked. He was nervous because his concoctions are American German items but when the waitress came back and told him that the Germans said it was delicious he was so relieved.

Anyway, Adrian, Milagros, and Luisianna have really become a team and with me keeping up with the washing and Kyle advising, he was ecstatic that the Kitchen made over $2000 in sales tonight. At this rate maybe this operation of his will be successful as long as he and Adrian can keep their personal relationship at least cordial.

I left at 9, even though the kitchen is open until 10, because it had slowed and I was tired from making schnitzel earlier.  I came home and went to my room to unwind and try to go to sleep, hopeful that there would be no more drama in the middle of the night.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,  But I have promises to keep,   And miles to go before I sleep,   And miles to go before I sleep.

17 September 2023 Sunday

I went to Bewilder to meet the rest and did some cleaning but it was really slow. Kyle said he only sold two Belgium Waffles today. Milagros asked if I would take Tutu shopping for cleaning supplies and personal items that she made a list to get.  Because it was so slow I left after 12 and when I came back to the house neither Luis nor Tutu was there. Adrian asked me to bring back with me some shampoo and conditioner for some reason and Kyle had me go buy some Spaetzle noodles from Vosen Bakery this morning.

I like Vosen but I absolutely hate its location on Second South, where to diagonally park, you have to back in to a parking space and hold up traffic behind you and hope you make it the first time between the lines. This was Rocky Anderson’s idea and the only one I truly disagree with.

            Then on the way back, one of the bottles of shampoo fell on the floor in the back and made a huge mess. Ugh. After dropping off the Spaetzle and went back to the house and took the floor mats out to wash them. My car smells nice however LOL.

            I laid down to take  nap and around 3 the kids came home with their dad who had taken them grocery shopping at Winco. He bought them a pizza which I am sure they enjoyed.  After he left and the groceries were put away I took Tutu to Smith’s to buy what was on her list as the store was close by and I had the gift card that Phil McCarthy had given me.

I am probably just griping but I think the Rose Park Smith has really gone downhill. I have shopped there for 27 years and I find myself dreading going there.

This afternoon there were no shopping carts in the store at all, so had to go out to find one. As I was buying a lot of supplies with Tutu, I went to the one cashier that was open. There weren’t too many a head of us but  she was acting “put upon” by doing her job, not smiling, or welcoming at all. The kid in front of me even had to ask her to bag his items.

When I gave her the gift card she acted tiffed that some of the rubber adhesive was still on it and asked for a penny to scrap it off. By this time, I was miffed and said I don’t have one so call your manager. When she finally processed it, I asked how much was left on it and she said she didn’t know and left it at that with not even a thank you for spending $165 at the store.

A woman who I assumed was the manager was just standing around by the self-checkout and when I went to complain about the service, she did all but roll her eyes at me.  I am not a complainer and I  know how it is to work with the public but a simple “How are you...thanks for coming” wouldn't kill anyone.  When I said we pay her salary the woman said we didn’t and I said she works for Free? And she said she not salaried by is paid hourly, and I said You know what I meant.

Anyway, after coming back to the house, Luis asked if he could use the hot tub and I showed him how it works before heading back to Bewilder.

Finally, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. The Kitchen is staffed and Kyle made up a schedule where finally people can have some time off. The early shift is from 10 to 4 Sunday through Saturday, and the late shift is from 4 to closing either 9 or 10 depending on the day.

All four of us, Luisana, Adrian, Milagros, and me will work all day on Saturday and Sunday, although I will take breaks in the middle of the day to come home and walk and feed the pups and probably will not close up. My main job will be pots and pans.

            Adrian will have the early shift off Tuesday through Thursday so he can take his English classes and come back in the late shift.  Milagros is taking tomorrow off in the early shift so she can go have her hair done but generally she will work with Luisana Tues through Tuesday in the early shift and the late shift also with Adrian.  Basically, I will just come in for a few hours in the early shift and late shift to catch up on pots and pans. Kyle said he might be able to hire some part time help to let them have the entire day off but some in better than none. The night shift is 5 hours from 4 to 9 Sunday through Wednesday and 6 hours for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Luisana will have Friday early shift off.

18 September 2023 Monday

Such a busy day with a  lot of driving and waiting around.  It was Milagros’ day off and she made an appointment to have her hair and eyebrows done by someone she knew and I said I would take her.  It turned out the place was in Draper off of Bangerter Highway. I hate going to Draper. Actually, I hate going someplace I have never been before and the Google map I used to find the address lied.

We had to go way down to Bangerter Highway and you know me, I don't like going past 21st South but we made it to Millagros appointment finally. It took around 25 minutes or more to get to Draper and I turned into the wrong complex where I was trapped in a gated community. Trying to figure how to get out and communicating the entire time in Spanish was stressful to the max.

Finally, a Mexican worker told us how to get back out which we did and we finally found the complex where the woman who was going to do Milagros hair lived. We were just about 20 minutes late. I waited in the car and when Milagros was finished she asked if we could go to Ross in Bountiful so she could buy Luisana some work pants.

            We drove back up north and Milagros did some clothes shopping, which I paid $145 for because of the money Phil McCarthy had given me to use for them.

Then it was around 1 when we received a call that Tutu wanted us to come get her at West High because she was hurting so much from the itching that had broken out on her. So off to West High we went to gather her up and we took her to Urgency Care at the Redwood Clinic on 21^st South.

I paid for the visit, which was $50 and while waiting Milagros was able to sign herself and the kids up with Emergency Medicaid. So that will help with any future visits to the doctors.

            Anyway, it was an hour and a half wait before we could get in to see a physician. They were only in the room for around 15 to 20 minutes. She was running a fever and it may be some form of measles.

The physician gave us a prescription and I went to have it filled. I hadn’t had a prescription filled at that pharmacy in a long time and I was pissed that the guy at the counter never told me regarding the new system where a monitor out in the lobby let one know when a prescription was on ready; so, I wasted more of my time just standing around when it was already filled.

While I was at Urgency Care, Kyle called and asked about the freezer in Mike Romero’s garage and I told him the code how to get in. He was taking it back to Bewilder.

            Finally, we all were back at the house by 3:15 and Tutu was famished and she fixed Milagros and herself something to eat while I walked the pups and cooked some chicken for the pups before taking Milagros back to Bewilder.

            When I took Milagros to Bewilder, Kyle had me tell him what went on with Tutu and I said I don’t know. I was just the chauffeur and he needed to ask Milagros because it was all done in Spanish. Then he wanted to show me some of the accounts saying he was paid today somewhat over $4,000 from last week.

When Adrian came into the office I was being sweet to him and giving little neck massage. Then Kyle said to me stop it and be professional. I was flabbergasted. Especially when I had seen him give Adrian kisses at work. Then he said something that really pissed me off, something about jerking off Adrian. I was hurt and just got up and left for home.  He had no right to disrespect me like that. I was upset but not to the point of being wounded. It was just another blow upon a bruise.

            At home I fed the pups and tried to rest some but also feeling like why bother trying to please Kyle. I never ever will. I basically went to bed, tried to watch some television but was to aggravated and agitated by Kyles’ words.

            I heard them come home, nearly at 10 when the kitchen closed at 9 so not sure why. At different times I heard the garage door open and closed. Kind of like I need to stop caring. I am amazing for a 72 year old man.

19 September 2023 Tuesday

Buddy my sweet schnauzer has been gone 4 years now. Time cannot ease the memory of a good dog or a good man like my Grandpa Johnson’s whose birthday is today. It was a beautiful end of summer day.

Tutu stayed home from school again with her ailment possibly some form of measles. Today’s Adrians early shift day off. I fixed him breakfast and we visited  about his and Kyle’s relationship until he went down to study and I went off to Bewilder around 10:30. There I helped Luisana and Milagros set up and around 11 Kyle came out of his office and I could tell he was surprised to see me but pleased. I didn’t come in for him but for the women not that I was still angry over what he said to me yesterday. 

Kyle truly has a good side and a bad side and I have long accepted the bad with the good.

            It was super slow this morning,  so I left around 12:30 because I needed to go buy some Calamine location for Tutu to help with the itch. I went to Target then Lucky’s to buy some items before heading back to the house.

            I went downstairs and saw that Adrian was doing laundry and we had a long serious visit about Kyle. He wanted to know Kyle’s mood. He also sounded more mature about his situation with him right now. I noticed that they both were still wearing their wedding rings so they haven’t given up completely.

            I helped him fold his laundry and then walked the pups and fed the pups after taking a short nap around 3, until Luis came home from school at 4.

            I went back into Bewilder around 5:30 after Adrian had already went back for his evening shift. Tuesday and Thursday there’s a dart tournament at Bewilder and on Wednesday there’s a Trivia Night. The weekends are just busy but Sunday and Mondays are  relatively slow.

            Kyle is now serving a German Chocolate Cake concoction he made up. He buys the cake readymade then adds chocolate cookie crumbs all around the outside and serves it on a plate with Ghirardelli chocolate syrup. We sold around 4 sliced tonight.

            He had Adrian and me come into his office and at first I thought “what now”, when actually what he wanted to say was that Cody, the owner, asked Kyle to extend the kitchen’s hours to when the bar actually closes rather than an hour before. My main concern was the 13 hour days that would comprise the weekends when we would close at 11 instead of 10. He said that instead of coming in at 10:00 people could come in at 10:30.  I am worried about burn out.

            Kyle even said he was exhausted and left for home around 6:30 to get some rest leaving the four of us on our own. I was so thrilled how Adrian took charge through the worst of the rush of orders and Luisana and Milagros cranked out the food with only one hitch when I had to explain what “no dressing” meant which was in English while everything else was in Spanish.

            I kept up with the onslaught of trays, dishes, pots, and pans but by 9 when the rush was well over  I was really winding down. I finished up some more dishes and then told Adrian was heading home and left about 9:30. I knew they would be alright and I was exhausted. I have to remind myself that it’s okay for a 72 year old man to call it a day.

20 September 2023 Wednesday

I went into Bewilder near 11, and Kyle had me bread some beef and pork schnitzel and I worked until around 2 before heading back to the house. Tutu needed more calamine lotion so went to the store for that but otherwise tried to rest some before walking the pups and feeding them. Adrian had the morning off for his English class but really didn’t see him much until going back into Bewilder at 6.

            Adrian and Kyle seem to be working out their issues, I hope. I don’t want to get in between any more than I have. Adrian asked to borrow some money, $150 to buy some pants to go to see the Backstreet Boy concert this Saturday with Kyle. I am just tired already thinking of having to work a busy Saturday with only Milagros and Luisianna. But no sense being upset and thinking the worse. What will be will be and it is probably a once in a life time experience for Adrian.

            Wednesday was busy as usual and I did my best to keep up with all the dishes and pots and pans. At one point Tutu called her mom  and said that a man came by and took Taco. I had to explain that Jim Dabakis is Taco true owner and it was okay for Taco to go with him. I then called Jim and we visited a bit. He was only going to stay a few days here but Steve Jutesen’s mother died and so his plans had changed.

            He was worried about me working so hard and long at my age and I said that its either this or sitting home slowly deteriorating. Besides, I’d rather be with my new family than staying in my room while Luis has full range of the front room and Tutu goes back and forth between the kitchen and the bedroom. They are good kids but it’s a bit fatiguing tying to communicate with them even using the Say Hi App.

            I left Bewilder at 9 even though the new hours are until 10. I don’t think I can really keep up after that time.  I have to remember that I am 30 years older than anyone there and when I drive home I can hardly keep my eyes open.

            Money is still a major issue and worry and tomorrow Kyle is sending me to Harmons at Brickyard Plaza to pick up a large order of sausages. I hope he has the money for it because I am getting pretty low on funds and I still have over a $1000 in bills to pay before the end of the month.

21 September 2023 Thursday

I forgot I had to have lab work done for my doctor appointment tomorrow so early this morning and went to the clinic and had it done. The phlebotomist had to poke me twice. Ouch.

            I went into Bewilder near 11 and Kyle had me bread Chicken Schnitzel. I did 64 of them to be stocked up for the weekend. Kyle also said that he was not going with Adrian to the backstreet boy concert but would be working with us Saturday which took a lot off of my mind.

            At 1, I left to go to the Brickyard Plaza Harmon’s to pick up the order on bratwurst but they screwed up the order but managed to get it straightened out. It started to rain returning to Bewilder and it was downpouring when I got there. 

            After rewrapping the brats, I finally went home around 2 in the afternoon. I tried to rest some taking care of the pups needs and because it was still raining some, I went and picked Luis up at the bus stop so he wouldn’t have to walk home.

            I went back to Bewilder at 6 and only worked until 8 as it was kind of slow due to the rain. I was really tired and needed my rest.

22 September 2023 Friday

It rained for most of the night waking me at several times. I had a dream that John Cunningham came to visit me in Salt Lake City. He was carrying a small satchel because he was going to spend the night with me. We were walking around downtown and I was going to show him where the temple was before I woke up. Dreams are the only way I see John anymore.

I went down to the Redwood Clinic and they have a new procedure for checking in. Always something is always new down there it seems. Dr. Stoneburner was late getting to work so I didn’t actually see him until almost 8:30. I gave him my Advance Care form and he said that it looked correct and it’s on file now with Kyle my agent. I also got a copy of my blood pressure form for Roseman Dental. So those two things are taken care of.

While at the clinic I got my flu shot and a Vitamin B shot. Dr. Stoneburner said all my labs looked good and my blood pressure was super at 125/73. The only thing he was worried about was my blood sugars that creeping back up so he wants to put me on metformin again. My weight dropped to 186 so Dr. Stoneburner said officially I was no longer considered “obese”.  My next appointment isn’t until Feb 12 at 8 for a wellness checkup.

When I came back home after 9, I was surprised that no one was up as usually Milagros is making something to eat before going into work. Adrian’s car was gone also, so immediately I worried that something was wrong but it wasn’t. Adrian had simply gone to the gym and Milagros was just slow getting stared with Luisana being off this morning.

I went into Bewilder at 11 and Kyle put me to work breading pork and veal schnitzels which took most of my time there. Adrian had bought some pants at a store called “Boss Hugo Boss” in the City Creek Mall and wanted me to take Luisana to go pick them up. What a misadventure. As that it nearly 2:30 by the time we were at 3^rd West we hit all the traffic of students getting out of West High then turning on to North Temple Traffic was backed up all the way past Main Street and  I was able to finally make it to 2^nd West and get off Noth Temple down to Second South were I encountered thousands of people streaming from the Fan X convention at the Salt Palace.

It was after three when I finally was able to enter the underground parking for City Creek but after driving around and around there was absolutely no open spaces. I finally just parked by the escalators and stayed in the car while Luisana found her way to the store. She returned about 15 minutes later emptied handed as the clerk there said the pants hadn’t been inventoried yet or some sort of nonsense.

So, we left and all the stress and aggravation was for naught as it was 3:30 when we came back home. Then I had to turn around and take Luisana to Bewilder for the evening shift. Back at the house I had to cook some rice and chicken for the pup’s supper, take them for their 2^nd stroll, and only then was I able to lay down for a bit. I never did get a nap but I did get a little shut eye time.

I was back at Bewilder a little after 6 to help with the evening shift doing dishes and pots and pans. Adrian was so excited because tomorrow he’s going to get a picture taken with one of the Backstreet Boys which is a dream come true for him. It will be in the afternoon hopefully after the lunch rush but I guess Milagros, Luisana and I can handle it until Kyle returns.

Adrian is going to the concert by himself. I whispered to Adrian, “See you never know what the future brings so you must hold on always” referring to his volatile relationship with Kyle which at the movement seems smooth with Kyle kissing on him again at work.

We were busy as usual on a Friday night and when I was ready to leave at 9 exhausted, Kyle said we made over $2000 in sales tonight.  I came home to a dark house as Luis was already asleep in the front room and Tutu was in her room with the door closed. She said she is feeling better and will go back to school on Monday.

I went to bed and heard the rest of the gang come home a little after 11 so they didn’t have to stay too late after closing the kitchen.

Andy Dalrymple posted a long discourse regarding the Utah Pride Center on his various sites. One of them which is addressed towards the entire “LGBTQ” community basically attacked it, disparaging the Rainbow flag, “cis gender Gay men”, and promoted intersectionality and promoting causes of marginalized communities, which shows how far away the so called LGBTQ community has shifted away from the struggle for Gay Rights.

“Some of the Comments on this thread makes me sad... I wonder if they even know how this community came about in the first place. Rather than demean the folks who struggled against incredible social stigma and a plague so others today could have a place at the table ...maybe a little perspective is in order... those who attack so called cis Gay men ought to know that almost every organization in the community was created by them while many were dying. Gay and Lesbians had a common goal to replace shame with pride. But I am old and still believe that the right to love who we choose without persecution was the goal of our struggle. Well, it was when I and so many others were conscious raising, and creating safe spaces for ourselves... I wonder if people think Salt Lake City just became Gay and Trans tolerant by magic.”

Goodbye Summer 2023.

23 September 2023 Saturday

I have a recurring dream that I am living in an apartment and I am regretting ever selling my house. I know I will never sell my house but in my dreams I am so nostalgic for my home. Strange.

I walked the pups this morning and while the rest were getting ready I gave Adrian, Milagros, and Luisana each $100 as they should have some cash for their labors.

Kyle also said that he found his wallet he thought he had lost in new Mexico. It was at the bottom of a backpack where he kept his traveling toiletries. Although he renewed his license and I have a new credit card at least he has his old Air Force ID back which I think he missed the most.

            I went to Bewilder this morning around 11 and was surprised that the Walk-In was cleared out. Kyle said it broke last night and all the perishable had to be transferred to the Brewery’s beer cooler until it get fixed.

I drove Kyle and Adrian down to the Salt Palace to drop them off so Adrian could have his dream come true of having his picture taken with Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys at Fan X. The Backstreet Boys are in his DNA he says.  When I went to pick them up, Adrian was so excited and even had his phone autographed. Kyle said it literally was a sea of fans, shoulder to shoulder in the convention hall, and they had to plow their way through the masses to get to where they could get Adrian’s picture taken.  But it is a day Adrian will always remember.

            Back at Bewilder, Kyle’s sister Jamie Fultz dropped by to see his new enterprise and meet Milagros and Luisina.

It was a very slow afternoon so I left at 2, went to Lucky’s to get Kyle two heads of red cabbage, and back home to rest and take care of my pups.  After getting up from a nap, I saw that there were two large chicken breasts that had not been cooked up so I breaded them and fried them up for the kids’ supper. I fed the pups their usually pollo y arroz then went back into Bewilder.

            I noticed that I am using a lot more gasoline these days going back and forth twice between Bewilder and home. Oh well.

Adrian only worked until around 7 and then went to see Howie Dorough, one of the Backstreet Boys perform at the Locker Room the new Gay Bar that Lynn Katoa opened in Sugar House so it was only Kyle, Milagros, and Luisana working the line tonight but we didn’t have much of a rush until after 7:30 which lasted about an hour. It didn’t seem at all as busy as last night and I went home a little before 9 as I was tired.

24 September 2023 Sunday

            When the rest went off to work, I finally mowed the front yard as it had gotten a little over grown and I pulled some weeds in the parking strips. It’s the first I have been able to do any type of yard work. I was too tired to tackle the backyard.

            At Bewilder, it seemed really slow and there was not much to do, so I left around 1:30. Adrian was still flying high from his dinner with Backstreet Boy Howie Dorough and others at the Locker Room last night.

            Mike Romero called and said he was on his way back from his travels from this summer and wanted to park his trailer on the side yard where I guess it will remain until next summer. However, he said he doesn’t intend on spending all summer gone next year but just take short nearby trips. I am sure he is glad to be back home. Later when he called again he thanked me for cleaning out his garage.

            The kids were gone with their father when I came home from Bewilder. Rich Butler came by just as I had laid down for a nap so I really didn’t get much of one. He’s up to help his stepson Austin buy another vehicle because the one he has had broke down and he needs reliable transportation for work.

            We visited all afternoon or rather I let Rich visit and I listened. He was a good friend when I needed money, not that I felt any obligation. Rich will always be Rich and I know he needs someone to talk with whom he has history.  The kids came home with their father from grocery shopping and Rich was able to meet Luis and Lucianny.

            After Rich left, I walked and fed the pups and went back in at Bewilder. However, again it was slow and there wasn’t much to do. There was a pile of trays and dishes that needed to be washed which I did.

            I also talked to Kyle about who had days off this week and Luisana has tomorrow’s early shift off. He said that I shouldn’t be the one taking Milagros and Luisana back to work on their days off and that he would retrieve them instead.  Also, I said that since Sundays and Mondays are so slow I probably will stop coming in on the evenings shift. I will probably add Tuesdays to that so I can start attending my Gay Men’s group again.

            I said that I would still come in on Wednesdays through Saturdays in the evening to help with keeping up with pots and pans during their rush periods but I think my time at Bewilder is finally leveling off. I said I would come in tomorrow during the day to bread chicken and pork schnitzels as we went through all that I did up last week.

            I left around 6:30 and came back home to rest some and added some of the Danforth’s history of the town of Earth, Texas to this West Texas site. I also sent some pictures of the family reunion in 2006 when Mom was in Las Vegas to Stephanie, Denise, and Jehill. I was in bed by 9.

As a teen I spent many summers in Texas on my Grandparents farm at Hart Camp. Every Sunday we went to church but before going Grandpa would practice singing hymns.

The church of Christ sang a cappella and men would lead the congregation in singing with no set songs. I remember grandpa in our little farm house beating out the time with his hand while singing  "Each day I'll do a golden deed By helping those who are in need; My life on earth is but a span, And so I must do the best I can."

I learned more how to live my life in that farm house than in any church.  I often sing to myself each day I'll do a golden deed to help someone who is in need. My life on earth is but a span so I must do the best I can."  Grandpa's Life’s lessons influenced my character and now that my span on earth is reaching its time, I can look back and know I did the best I could.

            NASA brought back a piece of an asteroid and landed it in the west desert here in Utah. Again, Republicans are trying to shut down the government again. 

Not since the American Civil War has a worse bunch of people been elected to Congress generally again by ignoramuses in the South.

25 September 2023 Monday

There’s mice in my bedroom again and at least one makes such a racket rattle through things that it woke me up at 2 and I just could not get back to sleep. I finally did sometime after 4 and manage to sleep until around 9 when Adrian and Luisana started stirring and preparing for work. I told Adrian that I thought it was Luisana’s day off and when Kyle came up he explained that they were mixed up and Fridays was Milagros’ day off not Mondays.

            Anyway, they all had to go in a bit early for some reason and I didn’t go in until 11 after walking the pups and my morning routine. At Bewilder I started with making Chicken schnitzel and was put out when Kyle said they were too thick and he wanted them thinner. However, the more you pound the chicken breasts the more likely they were to fall apart but I did what he asked but think this might be the last time. It’s too labor intensive for me as old as I am to pound  out that many breasts.

            Anyway, Bill Allred and Kerry Jackson came to Bewilder for a meeting with the Brewery owner, Cody, and Kyle probably for a promotion and Kyle wanted me to come out to say hi. Bill Allred remarked that he knew me and I mentioned the radio lunch program we once did and how I was friends with Charles Frost. Bill then told the others in the group that I was the historian for the Gay community. I don’t know if it impressed anyone but it might of surprised Cody who probably saw me just as this old dude doing dishes in the kitchen.

            Anyway, people came to fix the walk in and I don’t know whether they did it or not as I left around 1:30, tired and kind of miffed at Kyle for trotting me out when he wants to impress, then scooting me away like he was embarrassed that I was working there.

            I stopped at Sutherland’s to buy some mouse traps and while there Mike Romero called and said he wanted to come over later in the afternoon. I barely laid down before he showed up so I never got a nap this afternoon.

            I told him all about retrieving the Venezuelans and working at Bewilder and he was concerned that I was doing too much. He said he was really sick at one point while away and the pharmacy gave him the wrong prescription which made him even sicker. He said Colorado has really changed and he thought Denver had become a dump. He realized finally with his health issues he can’t be away from home for months at a time. I think this was his last hurrah going back to Rawlins and Denver.

            Kyle said yesterday that he would come and get Milagros to bring her to Bewilder but it was nearly 4 and he never did so I told Mike I had to go, so he left and Milagros went with me. My empty gas light came on almost immediately so had to stop to get gas. At 7-11 the pump wouldn’t take my debit card and inside there was a huge line waiting so I left and went to Common Cents, got gas, took Milagros to Bewilder and came back home.

            The kids were home from school by then and I walked the pups again and then just went into my room to finally rest. I watched the 5 o’clock news for the first time in weeks and I guess the weather is going to be wonderful until this weekend when it will turn cold and probably rainy.

I fed the pups then just went to bed just to watch some television and relax. Luis came in at one point asking for me to take him to go get a haircut. I said tomorrow and Tutu asked about her absentees and I said I would go to West and talk to attendance about them. She had a doctor’s note for 2 days but she was out all week and she was worried.

Tonight is the first time I hadn’t gone into Bewilder in the evening for 25 days straight. I fell asleep around 9 and woke up at 10:15 hearing the garage door open so I know they were home.

At times I don't feel as old as I am until I put it in  a context that I can understand. Change 1951 to 1851 and 2023 to 1923 and someone who was born before the Civil War and was alive in the Roaring Twenties would have seemed very old.

Well, I lived during the ‘fabulous fifties”,  the “Turbulent Sixties", the “Sexy Seventies”, the “AIDS Eighties”, the “Internet Nineties”, a New Century, and Millenium, the Reactionary Trumpian Teens, and now I am at the start of the horrifying Climate Changing Twenties.

I even knew my great grandpa Luke Johnson, born in 1866. Yes I am that old.

26 September 2023 Tuesday

I went in to Bewilder around 11 o’clock and it was really slow for the morning and afternoon so I didn’t stay long. Kyle said the Walk-in refrigerator won’t be fixed until Friday and it will cost $2500 but Cody the owner of the brewery said he’d pay half. 

The good news is that Kyle is at a place where he’s hiring a girl named Vicky from Loco Burger to work evening shifts; to give the rest more time off. He handed me a schedule, starting the 1st of October,  which is this coming Sunday,  in which he has me coming in only on Saturday and Sundays from 10 to 4 pm only if I want to.  It looked like from the schedule he went back to closing at 9 and 10 pm.

Milagros will be off all of Friday when the kids get off early and also the Thursday evening shift. Luisana will have all day Monday off and Tuesday’s evening shift.  Adrian will have all day Wednesday off and Tuesday and Thursday morning shifts. . Kyle said he expects to hire an evening shift dish washer eventually.

            I made some corn chowder today using up a lot of the potatoes we have in the house and milk that was expiring.

Mike Romero called while I was napping and asked to bring Coco over tomorrow while he goes to the clinic and when he gets his brakes done at Lodders sometime soon to take him and pick him up.

            When Luis and Tutu came home, I had Luis go with me right away to go get his hair cut. At first we went to the haircut place next to Little Caesars that I used to go to; but it’s became a women’s salon so I had to quickly look up another place. The Family Cuts I usually go to is closed on Tuesday. There was a Super Cuts up in North Salt Lake by Lee’s which seemed to the closest and quickest one, so we went there.

            Fortunately, the gal who cut his hair spoke some Spanish so Luis was able to tell her what he wanted which is not what Adrian wanted for him. Actually, it was like a mullet from the 1980’s poofy on top, long in the back and short on the sides.  It was good that we got there when we did and only had to wait around 10 minutes because almost immediately people came in who had appointments and we would not have been able to get a haircut for hours.

            I couldn’t see much difference after his haircut; except it wasn’t so shaggy, but it’s how he wanted it and who am I to argue with a teenage boy? I gave a $7 tip to the stylist so it was $25 altogether but I am sure Luis hadn’t had a hair cut in months and months. At the house I gave Luis a job of taking out the trash every day and replacing the lining as well as taking out and binging in the trash cans to and from the curb. I thought he needed some responsibility as he comes homes and then watches TV or plays on his phone while everyone else works.

            I didn’t go back to Bewilder this evening but instead went to Smith’s pharmacy to pick up some meds especially metformin, dog treats, and some dish soap as well as a few other items.

            So far I haven’t had to dip into my credit card but once for $50 and not at all in my line of credit and my 3 major expenses that is a little more than a thousand dollars are paid. I only have $100 left in my savings and around $200 in my checking account but it’s almost the end of the month. I still have $1400 in my money saving account and around $1600 in cash in my bedroom. I am trying to be as frugal as I can be.

            After walking the pups and feeding them, I stayed the evening in my room watching some television and resting. I fell asleep around 9 but woke up an hour later when the gang came home.

            Next month I should be able to start going back to the Gay men’s group on Tuesday.

            In the news, the government is headed for another shut down because Craven McCarthy can’t control the extremists in his party who wants the government to shut down.

27 September 2023 Wednesday

I slept pretty good except when TJ was having one of his coughing attacks, poor little guy. The kids went off to school and I fixed myself some breakfast and was laying back down to rest when Kyle called and said he needed Adrian’s credit card and they were down in South Jordan. He wanted me to bring it to them and meet them half way at 90^th South which I did. I then had to drive back to the house and pick Milagros and Luisana up to take them to Bewilder. Traffic was bad coming back and so it was after 10 by the time I retrieved them and brought them to work.

            I stayed and helped them with setting up until Kyle and Adrian arrived. Kyle bought this heavy piece of equipment to replace a broiler in the kitchen. After they arrived I went back home and was finally able to take the pups for their morning promenade.

Adrian had the early shift off and came home also and while he was fixing himself some lunch we visited about his life. He said he has come to terms with Kyle being so much older than he and doesn’t have the sex drive that Adrian has at 25. He said at his age he walks around with a permanent erection. That made me laugh. He and Kyle had sex this morning so he was in a good space. We talked how marriage wasn’t all about sex although it’s very important to bind one another. Adrian only has me to talk to about Kyle so I guess that is my role in their relationship.

            I told Adrian how prudish Kyle is with me and will never talk to me about sex and would even get mad if I even teased about Gay sex.

            Mike Romero then came over around 1 and dropped off Coco while he went to a medical consultation about his bladder infections. When he came back to the house we visited a bit. He wants me to take him to Lodders next Tuesday. I sent him home with one of the large frozen deboned turkey meat that was in the freezer.  He left about when the kids were home from school and Adrian left to go back to Bewilder.

            Almost right after Mike left, Jim Dabakis came by to retrieve Taco. He wanted to take him for the night as that Steve Jutesen had already left for Mexico as his mother’s funeral was last Monday. Jim is staying in town until October 8. Taco didn’t know what to do. He was kind of reluctant to leave but finally jumped in the car with Jim.

            After feeding the three pups, which seemed strange not to be feeding four, I went to Lucky’s to buy some paper towels as we were all out. Earlier I checked the cabinet downstairs where there was plenty of toilet paper but no paper towels. While looking, I saw that Kyle had store there all these hundreds of Airport Rental Key chains and other paraphernalia. I threw them all out as if they were just junk now. I saved the hundreds of windshield scrapers though but not sure what to do with them.

            Anyway, after shopping, I went into Bewilder by 6 and stayed until 9 doing up the pots and pans and dishes. Wednesdays are Trivia Night and its one of the busier nights. I guess Kyle said the time to close on the schedule was wrong and the kitchen is still closing when the Brewery closes. I know keeping up with washing helps them so they don’t have stacks at the end of the shift.

            I went to bed when I heard a rap at the door and when I went to investigate I saw Jim putting Taco through the door so I had him come in. Jim said Taco was really missing the gang so he brought him back. So, I suppose Taco is truly part of the family.

            I had Jim come in and we visited until almost ten before he left and I went back to bed. It was almost 10:30 when I heard the crew come home.

28 September 2023 Thursday

I spent nearly all day at least 12 hours reading through the 120 pages I wrote up about the research I did on Dora B. Topham aka Belle London. I went through it carefully correcting grammatical mistakes, clarifying sentences, and just basically proofreading it.  I wanted to send it off by email to Jim Dabakis after talking to him yesterday about my research.

            So, I didn’t go into Bewilder or even leave the house today except to walk the pups twice. The kids came home at 3 today which I though was unusual but didn’t bother to find out why. If it was important they would have let me know.

            Kyle came back to the house at one point to retrieve something from the garage and he said that he paid his $1800 restitution to the Tooele Court which is the most important item to be paid. If he is ever jailed again everything will fall apart.

            So today is Billy Bikowski’s 62^nd birthday. That failed birthday dinner from 1986 when he turned 25 now seems like a distant memory. It’s been a long journey since I loved that boy. He still has a special place in my heart or I wouldn’t be remembering him on his birthday.

            Actor Michael Gambon died today. He  played Dumbledore in the Harry Potter films after Richard Harris died,.

29 September 2023 Friday

Well, another blow up between Adrian and Kyle. I don’t see how their relationship and marriage is going to last. The age differences and their personality make them incompatible with what they expect from one another.  This fight happened at work with Kyle storming out leaving Adrian, Milagros, and Luisianna behind.

Like always there was no indication that anything was wrong with them. Lucianny and Luis stayed home from school today because of some teacher’s conference but I didn’t interact with them as I was compiling information of Nicholas Stathakos and Leonidas Skliris to email to Jim Dabakis as thought he might enjoy reading about influential Greeks in early Salt Lake.

            I told Kyle earlier that I would come in at 6 to help out as that Fridays was generally a very busy night. I first went over to Mike Romero because I wanted to retrieve a rice cooker and a dormitory refrig he said I could have. While there he gave me some other kitchen items he didn’t need any longer. I piled it all in the back of the FIT before heading off to Bewilder.

            Everything seemed fine there except that it was exceptionally slow. My main job was chopping up red cabbage and scrubbing out a sauce pan that had really been burned with encrusted cheese sauce. It took me nearly 20 minutes to scrub and scrap that clean. I notice also that the Walk-In was repaired and restocked.

            As that the night was extremely slow for some reason I decided to leave at 8:30 and barely got home to fix something to eat when I get this frantic call from Kyle exclaiming he was going to kill himself and hung up before I could ask what was going on. I called back and he simply said go to the kitchen which at first I thought the house kitchen until I realized he meant down at Bewilder.

            So, I jumped back into the car and raced downtown and at Bewilder there were only Luisana, Milagros, and Adrian.  He took me into the office and using the Say Hi app I sort of heard what happened.

            They all wanted some ice cream and when Kyle went to get it he saw that Milagros had put it in the refrigerator instead of the freezer and it must have set him off and I don’t know what really happened but Kyle yelled at her, harsh words were said, something may have even been thrown.

            I told the waitress in charge that we had to close early because of an emergency and she didn’t mind as it was so slow, so I helped them close up and took them back to the house. I had to empty the fit of the refrigerator and other stuff and left it at bewilder.

            Kyle was in his room in bed and I went in with Adrian to find out what was going on. Adrian went off on a furious rant none of which I understood except I wanted to be there to kind of mediate but I think this time it’s hopeless. After screaming at each other for about an hour. Adrian took off in his car. I asked if he wanted me to ride with him but he just wanted to be left alone.

Sen. Dianne Feinstein died at the age of 90. She should have retired from the Senate years ago and let another Democrat replace her.  I made an appointment at Roseman Dental for Oct 10 at 10 am

30 September 2023 Saturday

Horrible morning when Adrian was so angry at Kyle that he struck him the face hard and bloodied his nose and lip.

            I was upset with Luis, because he was up all night talking on the phone or gaming, so at 4 in the morning I finally told him to hang up and go to sleep. He had kept me up for with his chattering and at first I thought maybe Adrian had come home and ws upstairs. After I got him to go to sleep, I tried to go back to sleep myself but was it was fitful because I was so worried about Adrian and Kyle.

            Around 8:30 Kyle came up to my room to visit about what was going on with them and said that Adrian was gone for most of the night but was now downstairs. I went to see him but he was in the bathroom so I told Kyle I would walk the dogs and then speak with Adrian.

            When I returned I heard shouting between them and I went into their room. Adrian was furious out of control and screaming at Kyle. Tempers were enraged and Adrian said to Kyle “I will pull down your pants and fuck you like a real man” and Kyle evidently said that Adrian was the bitch in the relationship and before I realized it he had struck Kyle in the face. I immediately restrained Adrian’s arms as he was totally out of control and was reaching for a knife in the cutlery. I had never seen that side of him before and his eyes were flashing with anger. If he had a weapon I am sure he would have harmed Kyle further.

            I was shocked to see Kyle’s bloody face and I calmed Adrian down enough to get him to leave the house and persuaded Kyle from calling the police. He said he wanted a record of it and I said not to involve the police and if need be I was a witness. That seemed to satisfy him. I had to do the same thing years ago when Kyle attacked Bill Poore with a plate of food. I just don’t want the law to get involved until it was absolutely necessary.

            Kyle had me bring Millagros and Lusianna down to talk to them in his bedroom and show them what Adrian had done. Blood was streaming from his nose and mouth. I could only sit and listen as they conversed in Spanish.  I have no idea what was being said. However Adrian came back to the house and was furious still shouting at Kyle and when Kyle got into his car to leave, Adrian picked up a heavy jack and was going to smash the back window of the Terrain until I managed to take it away from him somehow but he did throw an object at the car.

            At that point I kept yelling at Adrian “enough, no more” but he was like in another state of consciousness and would have charged back at the car and I slapped him a few times like only to break his wrath.  Milagros intervene thinking I was going to actually hurt Adrian, which of course I wasn’t, I just wanted it to stop.

            Kyle told me to come away to Bewilder to defuse the situation so I followed him in my car and left the house in chaos.

            We were already late opening the kitchen but the two of us managed and had a few but not many orders around noon. I acted as a fry cook and Kyle was the line cook. Around 1:30 I left to go back home to see what the situation was there and to feed the pups early as I knew I would not be able to get away later at their usual feeding time.

            The Villalobos were all in the spare bedroom, huddle together, and when I asked what was happening no one would speak to me. I finally said I think I deserve to for someone to tell me what was going on and whether Milagros and Luisana were going to come in to work.

            Luisana was the only one to talk to me and said that they decided not to go in and decide what they were going to do. I was so disappointed that they would not come in to assist on such a busy night knowing it would just be Kyle and me. I looked at them in disbelief and while I knew they were family and wanted to stick together I thought after all I had done to make their lives easier they would not help me because they were angry at Kyle. Luisana said that her mother was upset how Kyle had yelled at her.  All I could say was “I am extremely hurt,” and I was. If I had time I would have bawled but there wasn’t.

            I just returned to Bewilder where Kyle was surprised to see me back so soon but I said I could not leave him to work by himself and the truth was I didn’t want to be at the house because I was deeply hurt and feeling overwhelmed.

            So, I worked with Kyle until we closed early at 10 as Kyle was exhausted as was I but I didn’t have the trauma of being struck in the face.

            Around 5 o’clock Adrian showed up in the office and while concerned he said he wasn’t there to cause problems but to see about getting paid some money for the family so they could move out. Kyle said that he wouldn’t get paid until Tuesday before he could give them a paycheck.  After he left I followed him to his car where I saw Luisana in the front seat and perhaps Millagros in the back. I tried to keep from crying and all I could say was that I was sorry. My heart was broken that we weren’t going to be a family but no time for that because Kyle needed me.

I did double duty as a fry cook and keeping up with the washing. Kyle worked the grill and the line putting out the order. We had three main spurts of orders but at least we had some down time for me to do some prep work.  Kyle said we did over a $1,000 today, the two of us.  

Kyle said he wasn’t going to go home because he was still afraid of what might set Adran off who insisted in staying downstairs. He said he would sleep in the car but I thought that was crazy so I paid for a room at Motel 6 on North Temple which was $160 but Kyle was exhausted from fighting with Adrian all night and this morning and then us putting in a long 12 hour day.

It was nearly 11 when I finally came in to a dark house with no lights on. Kyle wanted me to feed Persephone so I went into his room and Adrian was awake in bed but I didn’t speak to him until after going to my room I saw that he has messengered me and after trying copy the Spanish into English to figure out what he was saying, I eventually gave up and went downstairs just to use the Say Hi app.

Adrian was in a very strange head space, as his love turn to hatred had closed all his interactions with Kyle. He even kind of blamed me for taking Kyle’s side and making it appear that he was really the victim in all this.  He said that Milagros and the kids are looking for another place to live, so the home here is truly broken.

It was after 11:30 before I could actually go to bed. Perhaps we all were living in a fantasy world and the culture, age, and life experience were too extreme to overcome. Still, I am heartbroken and drained.