Autumn 4th Quarter Journal 2019 October-December

 

OCTOBER

1 October 2019 Monday

This beautiful day I went down to Glendale to retrieve my handicap sticker from Kyle and dropped off some dishes to Deseret Industries that I had up on a shelf  in the garage.  I put up the jack o lantern  pumpkins over the lights and  fall leaves on the railings. Getting things ready for Halloween. I also trimmed back all the irises along the driveway, and shrubs that needed trimming,. I worked on that until noon. Also brought out my Halloween decorations for inside the house so I am all set.

            Bill Poore wants to go to lunch tomorrow after the men’s sack lunch and I received an invite to Chad Anderson’s viewing of the documentary he made on the death of Gordon Church. Alan Anderson bought me 2 season tickets to Hillcrest High School Theatre’s season. I asked Michael Romero if he wanted to attend the October 25^th production of Marvel. Other productions are 41^st Street on November 21 and A Chorus Line on  May 15, 2020

·         Chad Anderson: Hi gentlemen! This will be our group for viewing Dog Valley on Tuesday, October 8th. Please arrive on sight at 6:45 pm and be ready to watch this stirring, painful, and inspiring film. Avalanche Studios is located at 8653 S Sandy Parkway. Feel free to bring snacks or a beverage, though there will be some there. The 8 of us will be watching as well as the crew from Avalanche and a few other film professionals who will be seeing the film the first time. A few things to keep in mind: this is NOT the finished copy. The film has been submitted to Sundance Film Festival in this version, but it will go through a few more changes before it is ready for audience consumption. Two major points: not all sound editing is complete, AND the music that is currently in the film will NOT be the music that is in the final version. This is not a screening just to show friends, we will have one of those in December. This is me inviting people that I love and trust to come and view this film so they can provide feedback. I invite you all to bring pen and paper so you can jot down notes during the film, then save those notes for discussion afterwards as to not interrupt the film itself. There will be a timer running so you can take notes like "At the 11:30 mark, I was confused by _" or "the comments at 47:50 were out of context." We are looking overall for audience experience, narrative flow, story structure, etc. The film has been edited to slightly over 90 minutes of content, and it covers a LOT, but there was far more left out. Critical feedback, experiential feedback, and overall ideas are very welcome and expected. We will be hosting future premieres for people who know nothing about the film so we can get 'blind' feedback, later. Two additional things to note: I am now IN the film, as one of the people being interviewed. (This is a relatively new addition). And this film is meant to be very challenging to watch. We wanted it overall to feel a bit like the Laramie Project, or the documentary Valentine Road (if you haven't seen this, I recommend it before viewing our film next week), something that is raw and inspires both tears and hope. It is complex and features graphic content and difficult material. Please let me know if you have any questions prior, and I look forward to seeing you all next Tuesday.

 

2 October 2019 Wednesday

It was a busy morning putting up the outside Halloween and Autumn lights and decorations as well as doing some yard work..

I then came inside and put out a few festive decorations for the pups to enjoy, as well as making 3 dozen peanut butter cookies for tonight's history presentation. Then I went to the Gay Men’s Noon Sack lunch at the Center. At the noon Gay Men’s luncheon Dwight Wood said he went to the UQHS’ Oratory last Wednesday. I was interested to hear his take on it since no one had posted anything about it on their FB Page. He said there was a good turnout but mostly Trans and their supporters. He said it was informative for him to learn about Patrick Califia transitioning from a Lesbian to a Transman who is now sexually attracted to men.

Bill Poore later treated me to lunch at Apollo Burgers on 17^th South and 9^th West. I had a gyro and onion rings and ate about a third then took the rest home for later.

After coming back to the house I did up my ironing, changed the filter on the furnace, and fed the canine cuties later before heading off to the Pride Center again to give a talk on Utah going Ape Shit in 1996 over Gay clubs in high school. The meeting was a small tonight maybe only 10 people but there’s colds going around and other issues.

In  1996 East High School banned  extracurricular clubs rather than allowing a Gay Straight Alliance Club to be recognized.  The Gay High School Student clubs controversy was a paradigm shift in the trajectory of Gay Rights in Utah. Now Utah parents had to deal with their own Gay children and not some abstract notion of civil rights for adults and the association of AIDS with being Gay.

 

 

Kelly Byrnes was in the hospital from having a heart attack. Courtney Moser said they put a stint in and he’s recovering quickly.

 

3 October 2019 Thursday

I was down at Fortitude at 7:30 this morning to check out Kyle Foote and take him to a nearby side street where he parked the truck over night. I had to stop for gas at Maverick on 13^th South by the I-215 entrance. Gas prices had gone up slightly to $2.67.

            At the house I fixed us some breakfast and Kyle had to reboot his computer while I posted yesterday’s talk as a document on the Utah Stonewall Lecture Series site.

At ten this morning we took the remnant of the bedroom carpet and some other rugs to the dump. That was the last of my old bedroom stuff. At noon we were at the Pride Center for Kyle’s counseling appointment but Austin canceled again but we did visit with Robert Moolman a bit. Kyle talked to him about having a counseling program for prisoners that could be paid through Medicaid possibly.

            Kyle had a computer cable he needed to return to Amazon and now that Amazon had bought out Whole Foods Market you can go there to return purchases instead of mailing them back. The times we live in.

Since we were at Trolley Square anyway we decided to have lunch there. We ate at the Old Spaghetti Factory  and I don’t know how many years it’s been since I had dinner there. We split a plate and a Caesar salad. While eating, Jim Dabakis called and said he had put Taco over the fence. If he would have called me I would have been home but it was all okay when we came back. Jim left a $100 bill under the door mat which I told him he didn’t have to do.

            Before having to take Kyle back, Mike Romero came over to open the camper trailer up so Kyle could take pictures of it to post on KSL, I suppose Mike is serious about selling it and giving up going camping. He said that it’s so crowded and he has to go so far even into Wyoming that it’s just not fun anymore. Also I think he is also thinking that getting older if he got sick or died no one might know where to find him.

Coming home from Fortitude at 17th South and 9th West, .it took a half an hour when it should have taken 15 at the most because of so many streets going north were blocked. You can't take the freeway north after 430 because of all the Davis County traffic that bottle necks at where I -80 merges. You can't go up Redwood Road because of the two freeway entrances going east and west at I-80 which back you up at 4 lights. So I thought my best shot was to go up 9th but at 4^th South it was way backed up. I thought I’d turn on  2nd south and go up 10th west but the street was shut down at the train tracks. They made me detour back to 9^th West and because I knew I would never get across into the Northbound lane I turned back to 2nd south and tried to go up 6th West at the Suntrap but a god damn train had blocked the tracks north. So I backed tracked across 1^st South through the Gateway onto 4th West before I could go up to North Temple. Only then could start to come home. It was 4 miles out of my way in heavy rush hour traffic.

 I decided I won’t vote for anyone who lives east of 9th West because those who do don’t give a shit about us on the west side being boxed in by trains to the south and east. There are only 1 overpass over the tracks going north and that is at Redwood Road three miles from downtown. There’s only 3 overpasses going east and west at 6^th North, North Temple, and 4^th South. The freight trains turn north just below North Temple and sometimes will just stop and block streets south and east of it.

 Well I finally was home to feed the pups after being gone nearly an hour... no wonder my blood pressure is high... I unwound by watching Ben Platt in Netflix’s The Politician. I binged watched it.

I harvested some of my garden today bringing squash and tomatoes over to my neighbors and I told Deb Hall that I would bring her some large zucchini tomorrow since her garden hadn’t produced any.

Kyle said that he would like to go see 42^nd Street at Hill Crest High School in November.

 

4 October 2019 Friday

It was chilly and windy for much of the day but I went down to the Pride Center to drop off several large zucchinis to Deb Hall and we visited for a little bit. After that I went into Woodcross to Ross Dress for Less looking for some inexpensive shoes to kick around in now that sandal weather is about over. I bought a pair there and some other items for the house like a fall like table cloth and a door mat. Then I went to next to Famous Footwear and bought another pair of casual slip-ons. I really hadn’t bought shoes in a while. I used to like to buy them at Sears but that store is history. After doing some grocery shopping I was home for the rest of the day until taking Coco home.

            I just vegged out and watched several movies on Hulu such as Total Recall, Sweet Sixteen and Madea’s Halloween Movie 2. 

 

5 October 2019 Saturday

It was cold in the house this morning and I just added info for my 1969 journal I am reconstructing as mostly a memoir. Kyle Foote texted me in the afternoon  that he had to bring the Sonoma down to Lancer’s because the engine was losing power. He dropped it off because they were closed on Saturday and I went down to pick him up to take him to the Glendale Library. We first stopped at the Firehouse hamburger joint so he could get a bite to eat. Since I had already made a pot of chili and had that for lunch before he texted  me, I just had an ice cream twist cone.

            After dropping him off I came back to the house and did some yard work in the front cutting back some of the over growth in the flower gardens before going back down to pick Kyle up to take him back to Fortitude. He had made an ad for Mike Romero’s camping trailer on KSL.

            I sent a message to Bill Poore and TJ Otaka to come over for dinner tomorrow at 4. It’s an early supper as that Kyle is only out from 3:30 until 7:30 on Sunday. After feeding the hounds I watched movies on Netflix mainly The Sixth Sense which even though I knew the premise it was still a good movie.

            Trump called Mitt Romney a pompous ass for criticizing him for the Ukraine shakedown. I wonder how that will play in Utah.

 

6 October 2019 Sunday

I had folks over for Sunday dinner so I worked my tail off mopping and vacuuming and generally cleaning the house while preparing for the meal. I wasn’t having anyone over until 4 so I had a lot of time. I made a coconut cream pie for Jim McMullin and a BlackBerry cobbler for TJ Otaka for dessert. I had invited Bill Poore to come over but he later begged off not feeling well and just wanted to stay home in bed. I invited Mike Romero over and I went to pick up Kyle Foote. His time today was 3:30 to 7:30.

I made a pork loin roast, scalloped potatoes, squash from the garden, buttered corn, country beans and crescent rolls. T.J. and Jim brought me a bunch of yellow mums and some apple cider......I had a nice time visiting with good friends. It  must be fall. When I took Kyle back the night sure got chilly when the sun went down. I hope everyone had a nice day too.

 

7 October 2019 Monday

I was kind of lackadaisical I think from all the effort that went into yesterday and I just relaxed for much of the morning. In the afternoon I cleaned out the front yard flower bed especially of the chives pods and trimmed everything. I filled an entire garbage can with yard waste.  I typed up reconstructing my years at Cypress College and my love of John Cunningham.  Trump wrote that he had “great and unmatched wisdom”.   He’s turned his back on the Kurds in Syria who had assisted the US’s fight against ISIS

 

8 October 2019 Tuesday

It was a warm day before the cold front that is coming in. I typed for most of the morning until in the afternoon I thought I better do some winterizing for the freeze that is coming. In the afternoon I  was out doing yard work, getting the hot tub filled so I could shut off the water to the hose. I went out harvesting what tomatoes and squash I could and gave them to Michael when I took Coco home. I didn’t hear back from Lancers today so doubt if the Sonoma will be ready by Thursday.

This evening I drove down to 90^th South and attended a preview of Dog Valley, Chad Anderson’s film project documentary on the Gordon Church murder. He had it shown at the Avalanche Studio whose film production crew worked on it. It’s been submitted to Sundance for consideration. Chad did a tremendous job researching material for the film. He should be really proud. I am not sure why I was invited as I know little of the technical aspects of film making and Chad has done far more extensive research than I have but it was nice that he acknowledged that articles that I had written about Gordon Church spurred his pursuit of Remembering Gordon.

·         Chad Anderson-Hi gentlemen! This will be our group for viewing Dog Valley on Tuesday, October 8th. Please arrive on sight at 6:45 pm and be ready to watch this stirring, painful, and inspiring film. Avalanche Studios is located at 8653 S Sandy Parkway. Feel free to bring snacks or a beverage, though there will be some there. The 8 of us will be watching as well as the crew from Avalanche and a few other film professionals who will be seeing the film the first time. A few things to keep in mind: this is NOT the finished copy. The film has been submitted to Sundance Film Festival in this version, but it will go through a few more changes before it is ready for audience consumption. Two major points: not all sound editing is complete, AND the music that is currently in the film will NOT be the music that is in the final version. This is not a screening just to show friends, we will have one of those in December. This is me inviting people that I love and trust to come and view this film so they can provide feedback. I invite you all to bring pen and paper so you can jot down notes during the film, then save those notes for discussion afterwards as to not interrupt the film itself. There will be a timer running so you can take notes like "At the 11:30 mark, I was confused by _" or "the comments at 47:50 were out of context." We are looking overall for audience experience, narrative flow, story structure, etc. The film has been edited to slightly over 90 minutes of content, and it covers a LOT, but there was far more left out. Critical feedback, experiential feedback, and overall ideas are very welcome and expected. We will be hosting future premieres for people who know nothing about the film so we can get 'blind' feedback, later. Two additional things to note: I am now IN the film, as one of the people being interviewed. (This is a relatively new addition). And this film is meant to be very challenging to watch. We wanted it overall to feel a bit like the Laramie Project, or the documentary Valentine Road (if you haven't seen this, I recommend it before viewing our film next week), something that is raw and inspires both tears and hope. It is complex and features graphic content and difficult material. Please let me know if you have any questions prior, and I look forward to seeing you all next Tuesday.

 

9 October 2019 Wednesday

I made blueberry pancakes for breakfast after waking up rather early. The weather is changing as the temperature is dropping. . I called Roseman Dental and rescheduled an appointment for Tuesday the 15^th at 9. Lancer’s called and said the truck really needed a tune up and a catalytic converter that will cost around $1200. The guy said that he was impressed of what good shape the truck was in, otherwise. However later in the day Lancer called and said they spotted a crack in the radiator so I had them go ahead and replace it.  So all in all it will be around $1400 with a 10 percent discount they gave me. Well I really hadn’t put any money into the Sonoma for 10 years so in reality it just breaks down to $140 a year if you look at it that way. Either way it’s a good truck and it needs to be done.

            I spent much of the morning working on my 1970’s Journal substitute. I was so young only 19 years old. I am amazed that I can remember so vividly much of that year and that I had kept a written record of some of the important events  and a few of the crazy ones that involved a weird girl named Judy Stacy. Then of course 1970 was the year John Cunningham and I parted ways.

            The Dog Park called and said that Buddy’s remains have come in. Tomorrow I will bring Buddy back home where he belongs...no matter of time can erase the memory of a good dog

Buster started limping, unable to use his right hind leg. I thought he might have had a Charley horse or it had gone to sleep so I had him in my lap and rubbed on it. A year ago at the vet they said his knee joint was popped out and for him to be careful. I had some pain pills left over from Buddy so I gave him one in cream cheese. He’s an old boy and I rescued him 2 years ago as a scared frightened abandoned dog... I knew I might not have him for a long time but here's hoping he doesn’t decline any further. It's been 3 weeks since Buddy passed. When you take in old dogs into your heart and home you have to be prepared to lose them eventually.

The only movie I watched was “Men In Black II”, something I didn’t have to think about. I started reading up on hatch backs to replace the cruiser whose starter motor is starting to go out. Mike said it would be expensive to replace only because the whole engine would have to be pulled to get to it. I don’t want to put any more money into it as I know it’s having other problems like the electrical wiring in the dash board is going out. I looked at a Kia Rio and a Honda Fit on line but later Kyle suggested a Subaru Impreza.

 

10 October 2019 Thursday

I went and picked Kyle Foote up at Fortitude at 7:30 this morning and then let him have the cruiser all day for his different appointments. He had to go to Layton to meet with one of his advisors for Weber State, then to the Pride Center for a counseling session, and then up to the U of U medical center for his 3 month testing for his PrEP regimen. Since I was going to be home all day Rich Butler dropped by at 10 and stayed until noon visiting.

            The Dog Park called yesterday and said that Buddy’s ashes were in so when Kyle came home we had a bite to eat at China Delight on Redwood and North Temple before picking Buddy up. They did a nice inscription on his container. It’s hard to believe it’s been 3 weeks already. This morning Buster was still limping but doesn’t seem to be in pain and he can still hop and hobble up and down the deck stairs. He still has a good appetite but I am still worried for him poor old guy.

            From there we went down to Lancers where the Sonoma was ready. It cost about $1400 to get all the repairs down but Kyle drove it and said it was running like a top. I let him have it for tomorrow so I just went home, fed the pups and watched some TV.  I watched “The Darkest Hour” the film where Gary Oldman played Winston Churchchill. It was excellent.

 

11 October 2019 Friday

Today is National Coming Out Day so I posted a lot about the history of it because I am sure there is a whole generation of Gays born after 1988 who have no knowledge of why we celebrate this day.

Also Mike Romero and I took possession of the House of the Barking Dog on Fernleaf Street on this date in 1996. I've lived longer here in this house then my childhood home in Garden Grove where I lived for 20 years from 1953 to 1973.

I went to lunch with Bill Poore at Applebees in Bountiful after he came over and brought treats for the pups and flowers for Buddy. He said my house was cold and I looked at the thermostat and it was only 62 when I had it set at 71. It was 28 degrees outside. He was worried that my furnace was going out  so he wanted me to call my furnace guy. When I told Kyle about it he called Whipple for me who is sending someone out this Monday morning. Later the house warmed up to 70 but the furnace is just blowing cool air. I better get it ready before Old man winter really comes in to stay.

At Applebees I just had some onion soup, garlic green beans, and an order of fries. Bill ordered a cheese burger which he didn’t eat but took it home. I told him I don’t know why we bother going out because neither of us eat anything anymore. We should just go to Village Inn and have coffee and a piece of pie.

After having lunch I went down to America First on Pioneer and 17^th South to get preapproved for a loan tomorrow. The gal there was really helpful and my credit score was 760 so I have good credit. I will be approved for about $20,000. While there I opened a line of credit for $5,000 and had her show me how to do banking on line. She showed me how that my account number is on my debit card without the 0 and 7. I thought that was clever and something I never knew. Also I had to set a new password which is April1951.

I am going looking for a new dog mobile tomorrow probably either a Honda Fit or Subaru Impreza because they are both hatch backs to carry the canines. However when researching them on line most reports said that the Honda is a better built car although it’s a manual and doesn’t have 4 wheel drive like the Subaru. I love my PT cruiser but it’s wearing out... nothing lasts forever all we are is dust in the wind.

I was tired tonight and didn’t watch any TV nor ate much. I tried making some homemade Sweet and Sour Chinese Soup but it didn’t turn out all that well so just had a bowl of rice for dinner and called it good before turning in at 9.

 

12 October 2019 Saturday

The Thermostat read 58 degrees this morning so something is wrong with the furnace for sure. All of the pups and I huddled on the bed this morning until 8 before getting up to fix breakfast. I picked up Buster and brought him to bed with me too. Later I went and

checked the filter to see if it was in right and played around with the thermostat and all. At noon when Mike Romero came over to go with me to buy a car  it was 62 when I left the house but when I came home it was at 75 which I had cranked it up too so I must have done something right.

I cleaned out the PT Cruiser for the  last time and took it down to the car wash just to vacuum it out really good. Then Mike and I met up with Kyle at 1 at Nate Wade’s Subaru but I already had my mind set on a Honda Fit from all that I had read comparing the Impreza to the Fit. I didn’t like the way the cargo hold laid down and it did not fit me when I sat in the front seat and I know Mike didn’t care for the comfort of it.

So we went over to Ken Garff’s Honda on 9^th South and Main. There was a Honda Fit in the show room and I immediately liked the look of it. The dealer only had it in white or silver. I liked the white with the black interior and also how when the back seat was laid down it didn’t have a gap between the front seats like the cruiser and Impreza did. So the dogs can ride in the back without me having to put cushions down to keep them from falling in the gap.

Our sales rep was a really cute man named Kris Kinsey and we all went for a test drive but I already knew I was going to buy this one. So we had to come to a price for a new 2019 Fit. Mike and Kyle did all the negotiating for me and with all the fees and overhead it came to about $20,000. I am going to finance it for 72 months at about $300 a month. I will be going through America First. I am having the windows tinted for the pups which was $250 and Kyle offered to pay for it for the money I had given him to pay his tutor when he was short on funds. Mike even bought me floor mats for $130. Also Kyle had bought me a cute magnate to go on the car of a paw print that says I Love My Dogs.  The new car has on 23 miles on it and the price and deal wasn’t  bad according to Mike and Kyle, who both said they liked it.

It was an all afternoon procedure of course and Kyle had to be back at Fortitude before finalizing the deal. When we were almost through Kris Kinsey came in and said that when he was backing up the Fit to get it detailed, a woman in another vehicle was backing up in the opposite direction and slight scraped the paint on the bumper. He felt terrible but said they would make it right. He was so upset but we just calmed him down. He threw in a cargo pad for the back of the cargo space to compensate and when I take the Fit in to have the Windows tinted they will touch up the scrapes. It didn’t anything.  So by 5 I was the owner of a new Honda Fit.

I took Mike to Chubby’s for dinner to thank him for being with me all day. I would have taken Kyle but he had to be back at Fortitude. When I handed the cashier my debit card she accidently dropped it and couldn’t find it. Three gals came over looking for it and they were all panicky because it wasn’t anywhere. Finally Mike suggested the gal look in her apron pocket and there it had slipped down. So that was another little adventure today.

When I came into the house expecting it to be cold I was pleasantly surprised that the place was warm. So I spent the rest of the evening checking Face book and sharing the news about the car.

I had to bid a fond farewell to my 2007 PT Cruiser that I loved so much but it was shot. Three of the tires were bad and needed replacing as well as all the other things that were going wrong with it. The dealership only gave me $300 for the trade in and I know I could have sold it for a bit more on KSL according to Kyle but I didn’t want the hassle and I now have a 2019 Honda Fit which I think I will love just as much or even more..It has a huge cargo space for all my pups and that is what I wanted the most and its 32 miles around town and 39 on the highway. I think I will name it the Hound Honda.

 

13 October 2019 Sunday

I went to bed at 9 last night but I had insomnia and woke up at midnight. Rather than try to force myself back to sleep I just went into the kitchen and started a Crockpot of lima beans with a ham hock for soup. I then cleaned the kitchen and put dishes in the dish washer before trying to go back to sleep again.  I also made some bread dough that I let rise over night.

            I was still wide awake so decided just to type up some on my 1970’s Memoirs especially the dialog I had saved all these years between John Cunningham and me when I confessed I loved him in July 1970.  Finally around 4 I tried to go back to sleep.

            I had a strange dream that I was trying to go back to Cypress College but everything had changed so much I couldn’t recognize a thing.

            When I did rise I made some cinnamon rolls for breakfast and some bread sticks for the soup for later in the day.

Then I did several loads of washing, especially blankets to put back into the Hound Honda Hot Rod. So I am trying to get it all ready for the Honda Hounds’ traveling enjoyment.

I also spent much of the morning cleaning house and mopping... if you have 6 dogs, mopping is your life.

Mike Romero came over in the afternoon to winterize his camping trailer and I fed him some soup before we gathered all the Honda Hounds up for a ride. I had Mike drive to see how he felt it performed and he was quite pleased with it.

When he went home I sent some soup, cinnamon rolls, and some marinated meat home with him.

I continued doing my wash and cleaned the basement because The Whipple service guy is coming out tomorrow although the heat seems to be working okay now. I changed the sheets and finished straightening the bedroom before watch a couple of episodes of Insatiable the second season  and the movie The Eichmann Trial about the film crew that covered the Nazi Adolf Eichmann trial in 1961 Israel.

 

14 October 2019  Monday

The service guy from Whipple came out about 10 this morning and after figuring out the problem it came down to it being a wire that was disconnected when the guy came out last June to service the unit.  Evidently a wire that tells the thermostat to turn the heat on in the furnace was not connected and the heat pump outside was the only thing that was working. When it was warm outside the heat pump warmed the house but during the cold snap that we had, it couldn’t.

 At first he thought it was the thermostat and some other issue that was going to be around $300 but since  it wasn’t that and he just had to clean the furnace and replace the flame sensor, it ended being just $100. I was okay with that but when Kyle Foote heard he said it didn’t sound right that I should be charged so much for one of their mistakes so he’s going to look into it.

            He was at the library studying so I didn’t see him today and tomorrow he’ll be back at the house from 6 to 10 in the evening because his co worker Zane has his home visit on Tuesday.  I guess Kyle’s sister Jamie wants to go with us for Kyle’s birthday this Thursday. He turns the big 40 that day.

            After the Whipple guy left I took the title and spare key to the Cruiser down to Ken Garff hoping to see Kris Kinsey the salesman but he was off. After that I went grocery shopping for food for the huggable Honda hounds.

            Today was the first day I loaded the gang into the Fit to take Coco home. I think it will be just fine for everyone.

            In the evening I watched Bob’s Burgers, The Simpsons, and a few episodes of Insatiable. I couldn’t see any movies out on Hulu or Netflix that I wanted to watch.

            It’s nice to have heat again in the house with Old Man Winter lurking around the corner although it was near 70 degrees today. I guess its officially Indian Summer as we had our first hard freeze. Everything in the garden is completely gone now.

            In the news some Republicans are criticizing Trump for his idiocy of pulling back American troops abandoning the Kurds to the onslaught of the Turks in Northern Syria. It was a gift to Russia. They will certainly expand their dominance in the Middle East now that we can’t be trusted to keep our words of  honor towards our allies.

 

15 October 2019 Tuesday

I was up early to drive down to Roseman Dental School where I had another appointment at 9. After testing my blood pressure several times it was still over 160 so I couldn’t get any work done. I was surprised because I had been taking my blood pressure pills regularly without missing a day and I thought for sure it would have been under the cut off.  So another wasted trip but the Honda Fit drove nicely and I used the cruise control on the Freeway which was nice.

            Back home I mowed the front yard and did some clean up in the herb garden in the afternoon.

            I called the Redwood Clinic to get something else for my blood pressure medicine because Lisinopril was not doing the trick. I also called to get my Horace Mann insurance off of the Cruiser and onto the Fit.

            Kyle Foote wasn’t going to off from Fortitude until this evening and he didn’t manage to get away until nearly 7 this evening. He stayed until 9:30 before going back.

 

16 October 2019 Wednesday

It was so warm today at 80 degrees that I had to do some yard work before the weather changes for the weekend when it’s suppose to rain and be in the 40’s. I mowed the backyard finally but mainly filled two huge trash containers with the yard waste from the garden. It’s all torn up now waiting for me to rake leaves into the dirt and rotor till it for the winter. It was really tiring.

            I didn’t go to the men’s noon sack lunch because I had so much to do and Bill Poore said he was not feeling up to going out today. Kyle Foote didn’t get to the house until nearly 3 but he wanted to drop the truck off as I would be picking him up tomorrow for his home visit.  I also went to the Redwood Clinic to pick up my new blood pressure medicine. I gave Michael Romero the rest of the Papa Murphy Cowboy pizza after taking Coco home.

            In the evening I watched a couple of episodes of Insatiable, Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln, and The Most Hated Woman in America which was about Madelyn Murray O’Hare the woman who got prayer banned from public schools back in the 1960’s and who was murdered in the 1990’s.

 

17 October 2019 Thursday

Today is Kyle Foote’s 40^th birthday. I think he was born in Layton. I went down to Fortitude at 7:10 this morning to retrieve him at 7:30. It was pitch black out like the middle of the night.  Back at the house he worked on some calculus homework and then went outside to fix the leak from the backflow valve near the house. He had a devil of a time trying to get the sprinkler valve in the yard turned off because of the debris in the channel after he had cut the PCV pipe that was spraying water all over the side yard but he managed to do it. We will fix it all in the Springtime.

            We also went down to Sutherlands to get some testing equipment to test the circuit breaker to the hot tub that I think has gone bad. When Kyle tested it, the electrical box near the hot tub was the circuit that went out and not the circuit panel.  So we went to Lowes but they didn’t have what we needed so we went to Home Depot and they did. That was $100 but if I want to have a hot tub you got to pay for upkeep.

            Kyle wanted to go to Café Trio for his birthday dinner. The location used to be the Dodo on 9^th East and about 8^th South next to Planned Parenthood. We were meeting his sister Jamie Fultz there. I hadn’t seen her since I taught her son Morgan some 9 years ago. There wasn’t anything on the menu, which was Italian cuisine, I wanted to eat  so I had a bowl of basil tomato soup although Kyle and Jamie enjoyed their meal. We chit chatted, they about the Foote family and I talked about my retirement. I mostly listened. I paid for lunch since it was Kyle’s birthday although Jamie wanted to.  I paid with the money that Jim Dabakis gave me for taking care of Taco Belle.

Speaking of Jim he posted on Face book that while not endorsing Luz Escamilla he said he would not support Mendenhall for Mayor.  We received out mail in ballots today and while Kyle and I are not wildly enthusiastic over either choices, we are voting for Luz. I want someone who understands the Westside and it would be cool to have a Latina Mayor to make the conservatives’ heads explode even if she is a Mormon.

We stayed almost 2 hours at the restaurant before we went our separate ways. Kyle and I then went to Ross Dress For Less.  Kyle wanted to look for some clothes for a photo shoot for his Link in and resume he’s having done. I bought two doggie beds for the hounds, Buster especially.

It was a windy blustery fall-like day with leaves swirling around in the temperate air as a cold front is moving in. This is a really pretty time of year when the trees here in Salt Lake have lots of color before depressing November arrives.

Kyle had to be back at Fortitude by 5:30 and I had to  check him in. I only have 6 more weeks of doing this and maybe even just 5 as one of the weeks is Thanksgiving and he probably won’t get that day away as he will being cooking dinner down there.

In the evening I just wanted the movie The Day After Tomorrow about Global Warming and the last episodes of Insatiable before going to bed.

 

18 October 2019 Friday

I am feeling rather old today...been taking naps and am still tired... not a whole bunch of energy...must be the weather... TJ and Taco just want to snuggle in the comforter with me on the Lazy Boy... my get up and go done got up and went. I watched a black comedy movie on the Criterion Channel from 1949 called Kind Hearts and Coronets. Alec Guinness played nine characters in the movie.  Then I watched the last of the Hulu series All Night about a high school graduation party.

 

19 October 2019 Saturday

I was so frustrated not being able to get into my America First Online banking that I went into the Bountiful Branch for help. The Teller there showed me that my account number was not the first 7 numbers nor the last number on my debit card. So its 24429912 plus my password. So that worked and I also asked about my car loan. He said that it was all taken care of and there’s nothing more I need to do about signing anything so I am good to go.

            I then went down to the Dog Park to make a grooming appointment for Harleigh. It’s for 9 o’clock next Friday.  The weather was fairly nice this morning but by the afternoon it clouded up and we had some showers which was predicted.

            About 2:30 in the afternoon, Kyle Foote called me and said that he was approved to buy a car at Ken Garff Nissan downtown. That surprised me because I know he talked about someday buying a vehicle to improve his credit score but I think even he was surprised who quickly his bank approved a loan considering he’s had no employment history for the past 8 years. He came by the house and asked if I would go own with him to finalize the paper work as he had to be back at Fortitude by 4:30.

            I was amazed how quickly it all went for him compared to the hours I spent last Saturday buying the Fix. He bought a 2019 Nissan Rogue SUV. He only had to put a $1000 down which he borrowed from me so I could put it on 1 card rather than him trying to put it on 3 cards. He received $2300 from the VA the other day so he’ll pay me back. His car is kind of a gray pewter which isn’t a bad color and suits him just fine. I like my white Honda Fit.

            We drove home in the rain and parked both vehicles in the garage and the Sonoma on the street. The old garage never had 2 new cars parked in it at the same time before.  Kyle had to hurry back to Fortitude and took the truck so he only got to drive his new car once and that was coming home.

            He said that between his insurance and car payments it will cost him $600 a month which he said he could do fine especially living with me rent free. So I guess I won’t have to worry about him moving away for some time.

            Two days after his 40^th birthday and a week after I bought a new vehicle, Kyle has a new car also.

·         Kyle Foote- Thanks for your help today! It was a lot less stressful with you there.

·         Me- That's why I am here ... you should be proud how your life is going forward

·         Kyle- When I pause to reflect I definitely feel like things are going in a positive direction. I just need to pause more often. Did you look around the car at all?

·         Me- No I am waiting for you to take me on a tour... but it looks really nice... hope you made it home with time to spare.

 

20 October 2019 Sunday

I didn’t leave the house but to go grocery shopping for the pups. I mailed off my ballot for Luz Escamilla for mayor of Salt Lake City. It’s time we have a mayor who will support the interests of the West Side rather than east of Liberty Park.

            The Trumps impeachment inquiries of his extorting Ukraine is going full swing with Republicans hollering like stuck pigs.

            However even the creepy GOP is upset over Trump’s throwing the Kurds under the bus in Northern Syria just to appease Turkey and Russia.

 

21 October 2019 Monday

Kyle Foote and I took about 20 pumpkins and gourds from the garden down to the Pride Center for their youth pumpkin painting party this coming weekend.

I paid off my Lowes credit card of $350 today. That took care of the stuff I bought to redo my bedroom.

Michael Romero was really surprised when I told him that the Nissan Rogue in the garage belonged to Kyle.

Meatloaf was a hit with the hounds tonight although Taco was not sure of it because I doubt if he had meat loaf before...lots of carrots, oats, eggs, and ground pork and beef with bacon slices on top. They were getting tired of steak. I am having baked sweet potato, fried okra, stuffing, roasted chicken and gravy. Of course you have to have cranberry jelly...I don’t know how much I will eat but I have 6 helpers

 

22 October 2019 Tuesday

Today is my only niece's birthday. I was 20 years old living in the dorms at Cal State Fullerton when she was born. Happy Birthday Denise soon to be a grandma

My blood pressure was down just enough for Spenser and Jeff the two dental students at Roseman to finally be able to give me an examination. It was very thorough and took nearly 2 and half hours. I have a bunch of cavities and other issues that will eventually cost about $1000 but that is so much cheaper than one root canal at Centerville. I probably will also eventually have a bridge made for my back molars. I have my next appointment at 8:30 on November 1^st, a Friday.

Kyle worked on the electrical outlet for the hot tub for much of the time he was out from Fortitude only stopping to go to Sutherlands to get a drill bit and to eat some lunch at Chubby’s. However he still wasn’t able to get the Hot Tub to come back on even though the two circuits both have power so he called Whipple to come out this Friday morning to see why there’s no juice between the hot tubs and the circuit breaker. So another expense but it’s either that or drain the hot tub for the winter.  Harleigh goes in for a grooming also on Friday.

            Ken Garff called to have me bring the Fido’s Fit down this Monday at 8 in the morning to have the windows tinted and the scraped bumper fixed. It will take several days so I guess I will have a loaner car.     So many things are coming up that I have a little anxiety.

            It was a real pretty day in the 60’s very fall like with lots of colors but by the time I took Coco home it had turned overcast and temperature dropped. Typical Utah weather.

I stayed in this evening and just did some genealogy on Ancestry.com on the Carter Family. My Granny Rose Perser Williams’ mother was Martha Ann Carter and I only had granny Rose’s grandparents Elijah Carter and Martha Ann Warren but I was able to locate two more generations on the Carter side.  Elijah Carter’s parents were Cader Carter from Bertie County and Elizabeth Knowles from Sussex County, Delaware but married 1801 in Greene County, Georgia before moving to Tallapoosa County, Alabama.

            I spent the rest of the evening watching episodes of Ghost Adventures after all 'tis the season.

 

23 October 2019 Wednesday

This morning I traced my Granny Rose Perser's Carter lineage back to colonial Virginia so I am pretty sure that President Jimmy Carter and I share a common ancestor from the 1700s some 300 years ago. Yesterday was my Grandpa Williams’ birthday and this is all on the Williams’ side of the family. Some days are more productive than others.

 I went and had lunch at the Pride Center with the Gay Men sack folks.  It was a very small group just about 5 of us; Merrill Crosby, Dwight Wood, Richard Harmston, Charles Bigo, and me. We had a nice visit and afterwards showed Charles and Richard my FIT.

I was there until about 1:30 in the afternoon and then went and had a haircut. At the Vietnamese place down by the Post Office. I am going to the Eccles Theater tomorrow to see NPRs Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me and didn't want to look like a street person.

Then came home and clean the leaves and muck from beneath the hot tub deck because the Whipple guy is coming out on Friday and wanted to clean it up before then. I finally realized that I didn’t want the lattice partition that Kyle Foote had built back in 2011 because it just caught the leaves and made it hard to clean under the veranda.  So then I did some deconstruction by tearing down the partition. I now can walk through to both sides of the yard without going up and down steps. This will be good for the pups too.

 I am really concerned about Harleigh. He’s been lying in one spot for hours and I noticed that he has really a hard time standing wobbly on his hind legs. I was fretful for most of the evening that he’s declining and worried that it might be getting time to have to put him down too. I hope not.

I spent the evening posting on Face book, cleaning the kitchen while listening to music and then watched a few more episodes of Ghost Adventures. One of the episodes involved Idaho’s Lave Hot Springs Inn. Another was about two hotels at Lake Arrowhead in California. Tom and Jean Horan’s cabin that dad helped build was located at Arrowbear between Big Bear and Arrowhead.

 

24 October 2019 Thursday

Harleigh seemed to be better today and is at least standing again. I took him to bed with me for a bit, and then when he was restless I let him down. I am so fearful that he was declining rapidly.

I was up at 3 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep worried about him so I just stayed up and typed some in my 1976 journal about starting my student teaching at Lakeridge Jr. High in Orem. I went back to sleep about 4 and managed to sleep in until 8.

 At noon I went and picked up Kyle Foote from Fortitude and we right down to the Pride Center for his counseling appointment. While I waited for him I visited with Robert Moolman a bit about his dogs he brings to the center. They are so sweet.

            Afterwards Kyle and I stopped at Subway’s to get a Foot long Ham and Cheese hoagie then he worked on his school assignments and I took a little snooze.

            I fed the hounds before going to the Eccles Theater to see NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. It's their 20th Anniversary show and they are coming back to SLC where they began. It's a birthday present for Kyle since we both have listened to the show for years.  We left  for downtown early so we could park out on Main Street so we could make a quick get away as Kyle had to be back by 10.

            We walked then down to City Creek Mall as that Kyle had never seen it and he wanted to look at the architecture. I hadn’t been there in years, I think, since I went with my nephew James Clark and his family.

            Because we were so early, we went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner before the performance. The Cheesecake Factory must be a form of Mormon Heaven as it was filled with young women or women with their daughters. Kyle and I were seated between rows of tables filled with females.

            I just ordered a bowl of tortilla soup which was good, and Kyle had a Cobb Salad which was huge. Neither one of us could finish what we ordered but we also ordered a Choolate Mousse Cheesecake slice that we shared. I ate a few bites but even Kyle couldn’t finish it. We didn’t want to be so full and uncomfortable. In the days of my youth I would have finished everything and more. I left a $10 tip and the bill for the little we had was about $40 but it was a birthday treat for Kyle still.

            Kyle had never been to the Eccles Theater before as he was in prison when it was built so he had me take lots of pictures with him standing in front of posters.  We even took a picture with the two of us holding Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me Props.

            The Program started at 7:30 and the panelists were Peter Grosz, Roxanne Roberts and Roy Blount Jr. The hosts of the show are Peter Sagal and Bill Kurtis.  It was a really fun show and our seats were in Row V 10 and 11 so we had a very good view of the stage. The audience was really up for the show as they were all fans. I think Kyle really enjoyed it so I am glad I spent the money to take him. In reality I never would have gone myself without him.

            We stayed for the entire show but at 9:30 when they were doing some retakes we had to leave to get Kyle back in time by 10. It was a memorable evening but I was glad to be home in bed with my pups.

Tomorrow I am going with Mike Romero down to Hillcrest High School to see a production of Marvel along with Alan Anderson and Kyle Daniels and then Saturday I am going to a brunch at the Pride Center for a leadership Conference. It will be a busy weekend.

 

25 October 2019 Friday

I took Harleigh down to the Dog Park to have him groomed, He needed it and maybe he will feel better with a new do. I made appointments for Coco to get groomed at noon on Monday and for Lulubelle at 1 on Tuesday.  On Monday I have an 8 in the morning appointment to drop off the FIT. On Friday I have an 8:30 appointment back at Roseman.

            The Whipple people changed the time they were coming out without telling me but it worked out fine because they came in the afternoon so Kyle Foote could be here since he wasn’t taking his test after all.   The Whipple electrician said the good news was that there was nothing wrong with the Hot Tub but just the connection to it. Whipple wanted nearly $900 to rewire the connection but Kyle now that he knew where the issue was said he could do it himself for just the cost of the wiring.

            After he went back to Fortitude I fed the pups and then got ready for the play at Hillcrest High School. When Mike Romero came over I had him drive the FIT because it was rush hour and it took over a half hour just to get down to 72^nd South because of traffic. I noticed that Mike doesn’t have the driving skills he used to have. He doesn’t anticipate changing lanes or what other cars ahead of him are up to. That really surprised me and actually made me rather nervous.

            As we were early, Mike and I stopped to get a bite to eat at Kneaders, this sandwich and pastry café.  We hadn’t eaten at Kneaders before but it was quite good although we just split a pastrami sandwich.

            We then went to Alan Anderson’s Townhouse on 72^nd South and 7^th East where we visited before heading over to Hillcrest which right behind their place. Alan roped me into taking care of Corky and Bhanni next weekend as they wanted to go to Seatlle for a Ute Football game. It’s hard to say no but those pups are hyper and a hand full. However the whole time we were visiting the pair were in my lap because they love their Aunt Bee.

            The play we went to was a special production that Disney only licensed about 8 schools across the country to perform. It was actually two 45 minute 1 act plays. The first was about a new Marvel Univere character called Ms Marvel. I had no idea who she was but Kyle Daniels said she is the first Muslim super hero. I thought the story was inconsistent and the acting rather weak. It was like Hillcrest gave their B list students a shot at performing. However the second story Peter Parker was excellently performed, some of the best acting I’ve seen. The play was a back story of Spider Man as a teen and his friends trying to locate the writer of a teenage suicide note. The play had a powerful message trying to prevent teenage suicide but being Gay what we old farts enjoyed was all the nubile teenage boys wearing tight fitting Spiderman costumes who were doing back flips, and climbing buildings, and lots of acrobatic choreography to simulate Spider Man flying.

            The Play called Marvel was over by 9 and while Kyle Daniels stayed for the discussion on teenage suicide prevention because he is a high school teacher, Alan, Mike, and I left to go home.

            I drove back to the house because I didn’t really feel comfortable with Mike driving the FIT. He’s used to a big old truck which I think makes him less cautious. I wonder if my writing so much and Mike just watching TV has an effect on out mental capacities?  He did vote for Erin Mendenhall after all. For having a Latino heritage he sure is prejudice against Mexicans.

 

26 October 2019 Saturday

I went to the Pride Center’s Community Leadership Brunch this morning, which began at 9:30. I only saw a few people I knew mostly a lot younger people running different organizations now. I spoke with Roy Zhang who said he really missed me running the Queer Historical Society because minutes and agendas are always done and not a lot of follow through on the part of the new chair but I know Owen has a lot on his plate right now. Connell O’Donovan was there and when it was his turn to introduce himself he of course had to promote him as a “chair” of a committee and told everyone he created the Ancestry Wall without any mention of Carol Gnade or my contributions. I am so glad not to be working with him.  I was there to represent the Utah Stonewall Historical Society.

            I only stayed about an hour and left because being outside of the Marquardt Room I couldn’t hear, without straining, anything people were saying. People were talking so softly and it made me think that younger people don’t do public speaking anymore.

            I caught the tail end of “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” that  Kyle and I went to but I will listen to it more fully on Sunday. Then I went to Wal-Mart and bought about 7 more bath mat rugs for the house that I can put down when I am washing the others. The laminate floor is just too slippery for Harleigh unless he has a rug to support his legs. I also bought these cute flannel sheets that had little pups all over them.

I wonder if I am getting a tad bit obsessive buying doggie sheets for my bed or just senile. I sleep with so many I might as well have the sheets that go along with the crazy canine...

Kyle Foote called before having to go back to Fortitude. He said he got a 98 percent on his Algebra Test he took today and is coming over at 3:30 on Sunday to look at wiring up the hot tub.

Well I spent Saturday evening home peeling apples and listening to In Gadda Da Vida by Iron Butterfly. I guess I am still an old home body hippie. I’m gonna make an apple cobbler for tomorrow when Daniel Cureton comes over for dinner. Still not sure what I am going to make. I invited Bill Poore over but he didn’t feel like getting out of the house. I guess his kidneys are failing him, his doctors told him.

I watched some more Ghost Adventures. I like the episodes with Ghosts but not the ones with demons.

. I love being home with my pups and being cozy this time of year

 

27 October 2019 Sunday

Today is Chuck Whyte’s 62^nd birthday and the first day that it snowed this season. It was just a skiff out here but other places were hit harder. This next week it’s supposed to really turn cold and measurable snow in the Salt Lake Valley.  In California both in the North and South the state is burning up with wildfires. It’s because of the powerful Santa Ana Winds and the power company has turned off their grid to millions to prevent more fires. Tell me again how capitalism is better than socialism for public utilities

            I made an apple Cobbler and some Lentil Soup because I had Daniel Cureton over for Sunday dinner. I also baked some crescent rolls to go with the soup. I invited him over to give him a bunch of Gay paraphernalia to be archived for the Queer Historical Society. I also gave to him to keep a bunch of metaphysical and pagan books I had from my old Faerie Days.  He’s a pagan so will get more use out of them than I will. I also gave him my old Halloween pop-up book that I’ve had for 40 years that Fran bought me when we married. He’s a book collector too and I know he will enjoy it and take care of it as I have.

            Kyle Foote came to the house about 3:30 right as Daniel was leaving and we went to Lowes to buy the electrical wire conduit we need for the hot tub but it was too cold and he was too tired to work on it. Instead we went to the Smith’s Market Place downtown and I had never seen it so crowded with shoppers. I would have left if I had not been with Kyle. Even then Kyle had an anxiety attack as we were going through the self check out that had lines waiting. They only had one customer service helper and everyone seemed to be having problems so it was a mess. Smith’s is the only grocery store to serve the additional 1000s that have moved into all the new constructions on the 4^th South Corridor. There’s Harmon’s up on 1^st South and State but it is way more expensive and more for the high end people who live in condos downtown and Capitol Hill.

            Anyway I know Kyle was frustrated, probably with me also trying to help so I just let him do his thing until his anxiety calmed down. He had to be back at Fortitude by 7:30 this evening.

            I finished up the evening watching Ghost Adventures.  In the news Trump was booed at the World Series played in Washington DC with chants of “lock him up”.  The head of the Islamic State was killed after he blew himself up when American Special Forces found him. Of Course Trump is taking credit for it although the operation took place despite his interference in Syria.

           

28 October 2019 Monday

            It was a chilly morning when I went down to Garff’s Honda to have the FIT’s bumper repaired and the windows tinted. I had to be there at 8 this morning. They gave me a Honda Civic for a 3 day rental because they didn’t have any FITs as rentals because they had all be sold as used cars because they are so popular.        The Honda Civic is way too high tech. It even has a keyless push button starter. Kill me before they start having flying cars. I want my 1971 Ford Pinto back.

            I had to take Coco down for her grooming appointment at noon and when I got into the Civic I couldn’t get it to start. I was so frustrated I even called Mike Romero up however then I realized that I had Kyle Foote’s key fob to his Rogue instead on the fob for the Civics. I felt  kind of dumb but they looked similar and were hanging on the wall mounted key holder.

            So I was able to take Coco down just a little bit late however she also need her Rabies and other shots. So it was about $100 for her vet examination, and her Rabies, Distemper, and Bordetella shots and another $60 for her grooming plus tip.

I decided to make breaded pork cutlets for supper tonight since Mike Romero had to come over and pick up Coco because of the rental car.  I also made dressing and a sweet potato and sent the rest home with him when he left. We were excited thinking at one point that Turner Movie Classic channel was available on Roku but they trick you and you have to have a cable provider. Too bad because it would have been a great channel to have but not if I have to have cable. I subscribe to Hulu, Netflix, The Criterion Channel and Cinemax which is plenty although when the Disney Channel becomes available I will probable subscribe to that too.

I watched Paint Your Wagon tonight that I haven’t seen in years. Lee Marvin was so great with doing all his own stunts and Clint Eastwood was so handsome. Sad to see beautiful Jean Seberg, knowing how the FBI drove her to suicide.  I watched a few episodes of Ghost Adventures. I like the episodes with Ghosts but not so much the ones with demons.

 

29 October 2019 Tuesday

Harleigh isn’t feeling well this morning. I tried to give him some cream cheese with a pain pill in it but he wouldn’t take it.

            Kyle Foote came to the house to work on the electrical line between the circuit box and the hot tub. I stayed with him and it was so very cold out. Only about 20 degrees and it must have been the coldest day of the year to be doing this but after working on it for 3 hours the hot tub still wouldn’t come on. Frustrating.

            About 3:30 Garff Honda called and said the FIT was ready to be picked up. I wanted to go down town before the traffic got heavy. I returned the Civic without any problems, picked up my new license plates, and drove back home. It looks like they did an excellent job with the window tinting.

            I had picked up a Cowboy pizza from Papa Murphy for Kyle and my lunch and when Mike came to get Coco I gave the rest to take home. He brought me some seat covers for the FIT that were left over at the shop but I really liked them.

            I spent the rest of the evening just watching Ghost Adventures on the tube.

            Fires are burning up California and we are freezing to death here in Utah. We never got the snow we were supposed to have. Probably it was too cold to snow.

 

30 October 2019 Wednesday

I went to the Pride Center twice today. Once at noon for the men’s sack lunch and in the evening at 6:30 to hear Patty Reagan speak at the Queer Historical Society’s Oratory.

            It was cold today but not nearly as cold as yesterday although over night it broke a record for the coldest October when it dropped down to 14 degrees. I am worried about Harleigh. He lays on the rug for most of the time without moving. He doesn’t seem as alert as he used to be.

            At the Pride Center a new guy named Richard Horne came to the lunch group and I showed him around the center as he hadn’t ever been here before. We had a small group but I imagine the cold kept some away.

            I put the seat covers on in the Honda FIT that Michael Romero brought me yesterday and put all the blankets back in for the pups before taking Coco home. I brought Mike some Beef Stew I made also.

            Even though I didn’t want to go back out, I did want to see Patty Reagan because she makes such rare appearances these days.  She said she was nervous about speaking to an audience as she hadn’t for years and I said It’s like riding a bike. You never forget.

            It was a good turnout but smaller than it should have been. I sat with T.J. Otaka and Jim McMillan as well as John Bennett who came also. I hadn’t seen him since his mother passed away. I guess he’s starting a new job up at the U of U next week.

            Becky Moss introduced Patty and Becky looked a slob. You’d think she’s try to look a little neater if she was going to speak in public. I noticed that no one else from the UQHS attended until Connell O’Donnell showed up, late, acting like it was the O’Donovan Show. Lots of older Lesbians who were friends of hers or once were Patty’s students when she taught her sexuality class at the U. 

            When her talk was over I stood up and thanked the Women’s Community for stepping up and taking care of Gay Men when we couldn’t during the AIDS crisis of the 1980s.

 As I was leaving Joni Weiss came up to me and said she was sorry for how she acted last summer. I said well we all have strong opinions, I suppose. I was nice to her but hard for me to trust Trannies because they are so emotional unstable blowing hot and cold.  You never know where you stand with them. They can be so homophobic.

            But I was glad I went and I guess Walt Larabee will be the next speaker in November on the 20^th. I will be there for that also. Goddess willing.

            On the way home I thought my lights weren’t very bright when in reality they hadn’t come on. I finally was able to locate where to turn them on because I thought they were supposed to come on automatically.

Peter Sinks here in Utah dipped to minus 45 degrees early Wednesday morning. This is the coldest October temperature on record anywhere in the Lower 48 states.  

 

31 October 2019 Thursday

Today is Halloween but the days of celebration and partying are long over. I went and picked up Kyle Foote from Fortitude at 7:30 this morning when it was really dark still out. This weekend we go back on Standard Time. Kyle said that his case was discussed and he was put on probation rather than termination of his sentence. I think he was hoping just for termination in December.

            Harleigh isn’t getting any better if anything worse. He has a very hard time standing and I carried him downstairs to the yard. Kyle and I both noticed he doesn’t bark like he used to so I think Dementia is setting in. I suppose I will have to make another hard decision soon as he’s not eating much and I think he is hurting.   I put a blanket around him because he seems to be shivering. I don’t want him to suffer through a winter.

            I called Soakers to come out this November 12^th at 1 in the afternoon to look at the Hot Tub. Kyle says that the problem must be in the hot tub so we will see I suppose.

            At 11 this morning I took Maxx down to the Groomers at the Dog Park to have his nails trimmed and while there I made an appointment with the vet for next Thursday at 9:30 to have Harleigh have a wellness check to see if he needs to be put down. I think he will. He is so out of it and cannot stand.  I started to weep just thinking about it so I don’t know how I am going to handle that.

            Rich Butler dropped by at 1 this afternoon to visit about his Boston trip and to give me a bag to make Boston Beans and a small bottle of maple syrup. I guess he had a great time and of course I knew he would. I have lots of fond memories of Boston from 30 years ago. He only stayed until 2:30 and I was glad because I was kind of out of it worried about Harleigh.

            Kyle was gone all day to his counselor at the Pride Center and to Layton so I didn’t see him much today. When he did come home we went to eat some Chinese Food at China Delight on North Temple that place he likes. I just had some hot and sour soup. Then we went to Wal-Mart because we still had some time because he wanted to buy a cheap watch to replace the one he had since Prison that finally broke.

            Kyle Daniels came over about 6:30 this evening to drop off Corky and Bhanni for me to watch this weekend. They are such hyper hounds when they come here because they can run all over the place where they are cooped up at Alan Anderson’s place when they are both at work.

            I turned the lights off so I wouldn’t get any tricks or treaters but it was so cold out that I don’t think our neighborhood had many anyway. I did go out to get some gas for the FIT as I was down to less than a quarter and I didn’t want to do it in the morning. I filled it and it just took 7 and half gallons at $2.69 a gallon. I am getting really good gas mileage for sure.

            So this was Halloween 2019 for me. Boo.

 

NOVEMBER

1 November 2019 Friday

I said goodbye to Harleigh at 11 this morning. I had to put him to sleep as he could no longer stand nor was he eating and his breathing was labored. He was too good of a dog for him to be suffering. After seeing Daisy go through so much I vowed I would never let another creature go through that much pain. I told him to be nice to Buddy when he crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

I had made an appointment yesterday to have Harleigh put down next for Thursday but he had declined so quickly over night  that I knew it was selfish to keep him any longer. I was also so worried that he might be constipated as I doubt that his hind legs could support him to poop.  I carried him downstairs this morning and he just collapses unable to stand but I did support him enough so he could at least pee.

When the vet examined him she said his lungs were filling up to so no matter how hard it was on me to say goodbye, it was the right thing to do. I held him in my lap the entire time petting him when he went to sleep so he was loved to his last breath. He'll come home in about 3 weeks to join Buddy. All my schnauzers are gone now. Coco is all that is left. I will have to have Kyle Foote build me a bigger shelf when Harleigh comes home so he can join Buddy, Farley, Daisy, Lucky, smoky, Priscilla, Saffy, and Oscar ... when I go we are all going to be mixed up together.

Of all my pups Harleigh was the most cantankerous one of the bunch. I adopted him right after Lucky died in February 2016 and just a few weeks before Daisy died. He had had several owners and one of them never set a broken leg he had so his muscle atrophied and he was always kind of unsteady on his feet. He never liked old Buddy from the moment I brought him home but they lived mostly in mutual indifference.

Harleigh’s name when I adopted him was Rocky which had to go and Bill Poore suggested the name Harley but I changed the spelling to Harleigh because he was kind of a sissy, the pooch not Bill.

Harleigh would never sleep on the bed with me no matter how much I tried but would always jump down. He wanted his own space. He didn’t want to be bothered except on his own terms. He’d growl at the other pups if they dared touched him.

He was a sweet dog but never overly affectionate and never a lap dog so I just kind of let Harleigh be Harleigh. He loved to eat, bark, go for rides, and play tug a war with his toys. I just paid to have him groomed last week so that is how fast he declined. At least he went looking like the handsome boy he was.

I am watching Bhanni, Corky, and Taco this weekend. I am down to just 4 pups of my own now, Maxx, TJ, Lulubelle, and Buster. I don’t expect to have Buster all that long because he’s about 15 years old but who knows.

I had lots of sweet condolences posted on Face book about losing Harleigh. In some ways even though I am really sad, I am not as heartbroken as I was when I had to put Buddy down. I am glad Kyle Foote went with me to take Buddy to the clinic at the Dog Park. I was okay with bringing Harleigh on my own like I did with Lucky and Farley. You just shut down and do what you have to do for them.

Jon Michael, who was fostering Harleigh for Hearts 4 Paws when I adopted him wrote “OMG! He was such a phenomenal dog, hard to imagine he’s no longer with us. He was a joy to foster for the short time he lived with us, so glad you were able to give him such a loving home. Robert and I send our love.”

This morning I had to be at the Roseman Clinic by 8:30 so I left early because of traffic and the clinic is on 106^th South in South Jordan. I was worried the whole time that my blood pressure wouldn’t allow me to get some cleaning done. I was worried about my blood pressure because I had a very restless sleep worried about Harleigh and Corky was whiny missing Kyle but evidently the pills I am taking are doing the trick

However Spencer, who is the guy working with me, said my blood pressure was down enough so that I went ahead and had a periodontal cleaning on lower right jaw. It was only $39. I go back in on the 14^th of this month to have the rest of the periodontal cleaning before having cavities worked on.

When I came home at 10 I just picked up Harleigh, put him in the FIT for his last ride and took him down to the Dog Park Clinic. We had to wait a while for the vet to finish seeing to another patient since I hadn’t made this appointment but they accommodated us and were sweet and sympathetic. I was weepy but not bawling. Harleigh went quickly just like Buddy and I didn’t linger. No sense to it as I had an hour with him to say goodbye and love on him.

I was mainly out of it myself for the rest of the day and my neck and shoulder began to really hurt. I must have slept on it wrong but as I became more aware of it, the more painful it became and Tylenol was not helping.

Kyle had to go to Layton to see one of his academic advisors and came back to the house at 4 to drop his Rogue off and take the Sonoma back down to 17^th South. When he came in he was looking for Harleigh and I said that he must not have been on Face book where I posted that I had taken Harleigh down this morning. Of course he was sad but knew it was the best for Harleigh because of what he had seen the past few days himself. He was just sorry that I went through it alone.

He had some really encouraging news today as that Weber is comping 3 classes equaling 9 units for his past experiences. And that the advisor was very optimistic that Kyle would easily find work at the Job Fair next Tuesday and told him to use the advisor’s name as a reference. It sounds like good things are finally happening in his life. The 9 units, however, will still cost him about $800 in tuition which is less expensive than having to take the classes. I told him that if he needed help with the tuition to let me know. I also said I was sorry I was kind of out of it when he came home with his good news.

            He sent me the following message “Thanks and I totally understand.  You have every reason to feel emotionally spent. Harley was such a good and loving dog. He will really be missed. As for the tuition, I'm ok so long as you don't need me to repay the $1000 deposit you helped me with right away. Can that wait until I start working?”  I wrote him back “Absolutely... get on your feet first.”

            I ordered through Amazon a copy of Charlie Brown’s Great Pumpkin on DVD because I only had it on VCR and it came today so after Mike Romero came and picked up Coco, I watched it this evening. I hadn’t eaten much today because of grieving and even though I wanted something good to eat I was too tired to go out and my shoulder was really painful so just had a grilled cheese sandwich and went to bed early about 9. Today is All Hallow Day and Samhain. I will always remember when Harleigh crossed through the veil on this day.

 

2 November 2019 Saturday

I have such a sore stiff neck from sleeping on it wrong the other day... Tylenol doesn’t seem to be cutting it...hurts if I turn my head ...oh well what's an old man without aches and pains?

If I ever get as bad as Bill Poore just put in an old folks home... he's getting worse and worse about remembering things. He brought some mums over for Harleigh but had left them out in his van overnight and of course they were dead. Lol. He thought I could revive them.  He didn’t bother bringing his hearing aids with him so visiting was a struggle. His cat-scan revealed he has some nodules on his lungs that the doctors are concerned about. He used to be a heavy smoker until he was about 60 so who knows what damage he did?

Bill Poore and I went to Village Inn on Redwood Road down about 45^th South because neither of us were all that hungry and I thought pie and coffee sounded good. We had an awful experience because of the skanky waitress who served us. The place was not busy at all and we had to wait 5 minutes or more just for her to  bring me an extra coffee cup. We had to ask for even a set up.

We then waited 30 minutes or more for our food that when it came the biscuits and gravy Bill had  ordered was just warm not hot so we knew it had been sitting for a while. I ordered a half Reuben Sandwich and tomato soup which weren’t all that great either. I  went mainly for coffee and pie and even the pecan pie I ordered was bland. I never had such poor service at the Village Inn on 4th South downtown. There's a reason I don’t like going south of 21st. It was really a trashy experience in Taylorsville and Bill still over tipped.

After Bill left, I spent two hours cleaning the front yard of fallen leaves but didn't bag them just dumped them all in the back yard to mulch in the garden.  

Jim Dabakis is back from Argentina and he came over to retrieved Taco. I am going to miss the little guy but I will have him again in December when Jim takes his show on the road again. TJ is going to miss him the most I think. Hope I didn't spoil him too much. But he was so excited to see his daddy again and wouldn't leave his lap.

 

3 November 2019 Sunday

It’s officially back to Standard Time but since I am retired it really doesn’t matter much to me. Rich Butler came over with about 12 huge bags of leaves for mulch for my garden. I told him I would take them off his hands. My soil will certain appreciate the organic material.  It’s hard as clay when it bakes in the summer.

            That was about the only time I was outside although the weather was 55 degrees after the cold snap we had last week. I watched Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein and Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man.  I was watching them when Kyle Daniels came over to retrieve Corky and Bhanni. They are sweet dogs just really hyper and really needy so I am glad when they go home but it seemed strange to just have the 4 to feed tonight. After all my company had gone home the 4 remaining pups are all sound asleep, all worn out... me too.

The sun went down at 5:30 and at 6 o'clock it’s pitch black outside as mother nature intended. I watched a few episodes of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel on Amazon Prime. I like it but went to bed around 9 when it would have been 10 yesterday.

I love living in my diverse part of Salt Lake City just 3 miles from downtown, by the Jordan River Trail, The Rose Park Golf Course, the Youth Soccer Fields and the airport just to the west of me. I like the feel of being in the country with horses and small farms and yet minutes from the heart of the city.

I love being on flat land with open country all around me and not on a hillside. My property taxes are low because even though my house is newer and bigger than bungalows in the city, my house is half the price of those on the east side of downtown. Plus I have a large yard for my dogs and only one neighbor next to me who are good people. Life is good in my old age. I am content with what I have and what I don't have.

In the news Trump has been booed at two national sporting events by the crowds there.

 

4 November 2019 Monday

It seems so strange only having 4 pups in the house. They are so mellow and fixing supper for just 4 seems odd. Buddy and Harleigh, because of their aging, took a lot of energy taking care of their special needs. The house seems still almost like an empty nest... TJ was antsy last night ... I think he was looking for Taco...I wonder what goes through their heads when one minute there's 9 pups here and then only 4... well Coco came back over today.

I am condensing 175 pages down to 10 for my lecture this Wednesday evening. It's always a struggle but it keeps my brain actively engaged so there's that. My mind is up so I guess the body should follow but Lulubelle is comfortable laying on my belly, and Buster on my feet.

 

5 November 2019 Tuesday

The weather was so wonderful today in the 60s so worked in the backyard cleaning up leaves and the back deck. I worked a lot on my presentation for the Utah Historical Society lecture tomorrow. I finally got 175 pages down to 10... now my brain is fried. We had a nice visit from Taco today when Jim Dabakis brought some dog food over that Taco won’t eat.

I ordered a Baja Hoodie like the ones we use to wear in California because the one I bought at Deseret Industries was so comfortable but it was green striped. So I ordered the other day a pair of winter shoes and a more brightly “warm colors” Hoodie that came today. I love it.

            I’ve been watching the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel series on Amazon Prime lately. I like it a lot.  Kyle Foote went up to his Job Fair in Layton and he’s excited about his prospects of finding work.

            Today was election day and it appears that Luz Escamilla is trailing Erin Mendenhall. Oh well.

 

6 November 2019 Wednesday

I made some chocolate chip pumpkin cookies for my meeting tonight and then went off to the Pride Center at noon for the Men’s Sack lunch group. It was a small group only about six of us. I came home and finalized my talk for tonight.  Kyle Foote was at the house studying.

            In the evening I went back down to the Center for the Utah Stonewall Historical Society’s Lecture Series. I wore my red pants and the orange, red, and golden colored Hoodie. It seemed strange for it to be so dark out at 6:30 when I left the house. We had a smaller than usual turnout also with only about 12 people there.

The night's lecture was on the nasty hate driven year of 1996 here in Utah. Interestingly there was a young woman who attended who was born in the year 2000. I am stopping my presentations with the year 1999, the end of the 20th century. Soon there will be an entire generation with no living memory of the Gay Liberation Movement or the homosexual civil right struggles in Utah. It's all becoming history. Jim Dabakis attended my talk tonight for the first time.

The pumpkin chocolate chip cookies must have been a hit as they were all gone with Even folks in the lobby taking some. I am fatigued.

 

7 November 2019 Thursday

I only had to check Kyle Foote out at 9 this morning instead of 7:30 because Fortitude has two new cooks who will replace him and Zane. He had several interviews he wanted to go see about so I didn’t see him much until the afternoon when he came home to study.

I had a nice lunch with T.J. Otaka and Jim McMullin at Chubby's. They brought me an orchid plant to commemorate Harleigh’s passing. The Dog Park folks sent me a nice sympathy card and made a donation in Harleigh's name to the CARE fund that donates money to the medical needs of stray animals. Bill Poore last week brought over some mums and a commemorative candle for Harleigh. I am getting used to setting out 4 food bowls instead of six. Buddy and Harleigh's senior years care was hard but they were worth every bit of it. I made some lemon blueberry small pound cakes for TJ and Jim.  They were  asking what we were doing for Thanksgiving and I said I would prepare it this year and they will do Christmas dinner. So I guess that is set.

 

8 November 2019 Friday

I called Horace Mann and made sure that the FIT was covered. My payments will only be about $10 more than it was, around $275.  I then made a pot of Chili Verde. I hadn’t made that in a long time.

I worked all morning in the back yard mulching my garden, raking leaves, pulling weeds, blowing off the deck and patio, and even mowed the back yard. It will be the last time I mow until Spring. I went to Wal-Mart to buy some Holiday lights for my front porch and got rid of the rope lights that were burned out. Spent the late afternoon string them on the railing. I am getting things ready for  the holidays because the weather is 60 degrees and will be this way for some time.  

            Roy Zang called me this afternoon to vent about the Queer Historical Society and it’s lack of leadership. I understood completely. He would like me to come back,  but the most I could commit to was being on the Pride Day Committee.

            Alan Anderson asked me to go with him to the Salt Lake Acting Company this Sunday but not real excited about the play they are doing. May be it will be good. If not I can always leave.

            I also put on some pulled pork in the crock pot to cook over night before going to bed. I still have a kink in my neck but not nearly as bad. .

            All this White House officials are refusing to appear before the Impeachment committee. Why is it that Susan McDougal from the Clinton impeachment can go to prison for denying a subpoena but not John Bolton?

            I finished watching The Good Omen from Amazon Prime. It was kooky but I liked it especially the chemistry between Michael Sheen and David Tenant.

 

9 November 2019 Saturday

This morning I subscribed to the Disney Channel which will start next week. I paid for the entire year. I then went down to Mister Carwash on 1400 South 3^rd West and bought a month of car washes for the FIT. It needed a washing from when it had rained. It also needed the dog hair vacuumed up.  I also went to D.I. and bought some Christmas Wreaths for the holiday season that will be here before you know it.

            That was about the extent of my productive day. Instead I binged watched the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel on Amazon Prime. It’s that good. Kyle  Foote came by for a little bit to play with the dogs. He said he bought another light fixture for the downstairs bedroom that he’s going to fix up when he moves in.

            I had pulled pork sandwiches and coleslaw for lunch and dinner. I have way too much food in the house. I still have a taco left from Chubby's as well as Chili Verde and now I have pulled pork. I invited Bill Poore over for Sunday dinner but he declined saying he’s not feeling well.

            I went to bed fairly early about 9 tonight. I don’t know why I should be tired.

 

10 November 2019 Sunday

It was another really lazy day. I woke up too early at 5 this morning and fixed mocha coffee to go along with biscuits and gravy before typing up the rest of March 1976 from my journal.

            After that I just finished watching the rest of Season 2 of the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and scanned to see what else might be interesting. I really liked the series Good Omens. I hope to find others just as good.

            Kyle Foote just came home to retrieve a paper he needed before hurrying back to Fortitude. I was alone for most of the day with Maxx, TJ, Lulubelle, and Buster.  As far as I could tell it was nice outside.

I went to the Salt Lake Acting Company at 6 this evening as a guest of Alan Anderson as that Kyle Daniels was down in Las Vegas. The play was called “form of a girl Unknown.” While the acting was tremendous, the set design incredible, and the story line engaging, I just was not all that in to it. It’s probably me more than the play because I just am not all that into a journey through a 12 year old black girl’s puberty.

            I was home by 8 and tried to unwind watching some more TV. I watched Jurassic Park Fallen Kingdom by skimming through it. I just couldn’t get into it with the same old good guys versus bad guys. I think the franchise is old.

I did watch Netflix’s new film called The King about King Henry IV of England. I thought it was a stodgy reaction depicting the slaughter of armored knights in the 15^th Century’ 100 Year War. But it was engaging enough that I watched the entire film except for taking a few cat naps.

            I saw a text from Kyle later, saying to keep my phone near me as his supervisor Jessup said he tried calling me last week about my address. Jessup said he'd try again tomorrow. So I guess I better keep my phone handy.

 

11 November 2019 Monday

Today is Veteran’s Day and I didn’t do much except make some beef and cabbage soup. Kyle Foote’s supervisor Jessop called at noon and I let him know that Kyle would be living here.

 Kyle came by around 1 this afternoon and while here he composed a letter to the dean of his department in Indiana State regarding how he had been mistreated over a glitch that they made in his registration. It made me so glad not to be in college anymore.  Especially when going over my time spent at BYU.

            Ron Lafferty the death row inmate died finally in prison. He was one of the first persons Kyle had to interact with when he was first sent to prison.

Jim Dabakis brought Taco over for me to watch for a couple of days while he flies down to L.A. to eat at a Chili Restaurant with some friends up from Argentina. We thought it was funny that of all the things to do in Hollywood they wanted to eat at a Chili Restaurant. Taco loves hanging out with TJ . He ate a roast supper with the other pups. It’s a tough life.

I subscribed today to a Newspaper Archives site today. I will see if I keep it or not. I found some articles on the Pleasant Grove Rest Stop arrests for  March 1976. That is the main reason I subscribed.

            In the evening I watched some episodes of World War II scenes that had been colorized from the old black and white. Derek Jacobi narrated it.

 

12 November 2019 Tuesday

Well I worked on my April 1976 journal when I was 25 years old and disfellowshipped from the LDS Church for being in love with a boy for much of the morning.

Richard Gordon from Soakers came out to the house to look at my hot tub this afternoon and he got it running again. The heater was defective but it was under warranty so I only had to pay for his coming out. That was only about $120 with some solution that I put in the hot tub that  I hope will solve a small leak problem.

            Kyle Foote came to the house to be here when Soakers came and later we went to Target in Centerville to buy him a tie for an interview tomorrow. Three more weeks and Kyle will be here at the house and not Fortitude. I just love that boy.

            Well I have the Disney channel now because it went on line today so I don’t expect people will see much of me until Spring. LOL This evening I watched Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and it was restored perfectly.

            After that I watched the Colorized version of clips from World War II, about the Battles of Stalingrad, D-Day, and the Battle of the Bulge before heading to bed. 

It was a full moon and a nice day outside.

            I had to change the passwords for my two Blogger accounts Benwilliamsblogger@gmail.com and Eddwilliams51@gmail.com  to April@1951.

 

13 November 2019 Wednesday

Kyle Foote had a job interview early this morning so he came by the house at 6:30. I didn’t see him, however, even though I was up. This morning I made 5 loaves of mini banana bread before heading off to the Pride Center for the noon Gay Men’s sack lunch. I brought Katie Webinger and Rob Moolman each a loaf of bread.  Katie is so helpful with scheduling stuff for the historical society and Rob, just because he’s a good guy with a hard job placating all the queers at the center.

            Lunch was nice and Jim and TJ were there as well as Charles Bigo and Richard Harmston. Dwight Wood, Paul Milne, this vet named Kim and three other guys rounded out the bunch. We talked about a variety of things but the most serious discussion was probably about suicides among folks we knew.

            I had to get some gas for the FIT. It was $2.89 at Smith’s and the tank just took 9 gallons and I had gone over 300 miles.

            I didn’t do much else today except watch WWII in color and in the evening Pinocchio on the Disney Channel.

You can take the boy out of Texas but not Texas out of the boy...I had a bowl of pinto beans and corn bread for my supper tonight... good solid food for a November evening ...

            Tonight Kyle texted me and said he had to go to the Redwood health clinic because he was running a 100.7 fever and thought he had come down with the flu. They tested him and he has strep. I will still pick him up tomorrow so he can come home and rest.

            In the news the first day of the House of Representatives Impeachment inquiry began. It was carried on almost all the networks. The republican fascists are hollering like stuck pigs.  They love Trump more than decency.

 

14 November 2019 Thursday

I went and picked up Kyle at 8:30 this morning from Fortitude, dropped him off at the Sonoma and then drove down to Roseman Dental School for my appointment with Spencer Judd at 9. He did a cleaning up the upper right side and I was out of there a little after 10:30. I have another appointment for Monday the 25^th at 8:30. I have an appointment with Dr. Stoneburner next Thursday at 8.

I stopped at the Soup Kitchen on 6^th North and 4^th West to buy some chicken noodle soup for Kyle. It was kind of a dive I thought.

            At the house Kyle said that the cable wifi was out. It went out about 11:30 this morning while he was watching The Jungle Book. They are putting in Google fiber optics in the neighborhood but don’t know if that had anything to do with it. But Kyle called Comcast and I am having a technician out tomorrow between 8 and 10 in the morning. So no Roku tonight.

My Comcast username is Williams_Edgar and password is 1633fernleaf. My account number is 84 95 44 00 14 20 01 36 for Xfinity Internet Wireless Network is Name: HOME-2F52 passphrase ADF97 A44 AE439 E34  Email benedgar51@yahoo.com... Also Name Benedgar or Benedgar5  password 1633Fernleaf

           

15 November 2019 Friday

A technician from Comcast was supposed to be out here between 8 and 10. I needed to be at Fortitude by noon to pick up Kyle Foote to give him back his phone and wallet. When it was after 10 I called Comcast to see what the holdup was and I was told they rescheduled the home visit for between 1 and 3. I was mad because no one texted me or left a message saying that I had been rescheduled.

So I left after 11 and went down to pick up Harleigh’s remains. Carol the Groomer came out to give me a hug. I then went over to the Credit Union on Pioneer Road to sign for a $5000 line of credit kind of like an overdraft protection.

I picked Kyle up at 12:30 and brought him home to take the truck down to the Glendale Library to study because there wasn’t any internet at the house.

The Comcast technician came about 2 in the afternoon and first though the problem was that the Google Fiber Optic people who were laying down cable and may have cut the line but he checked and the line was up but I wasn’t getting a signal into my modem. As it turned out my wiring had issues which he fixed and by 3:30 I was back in business. We get so used to having the internet as much as having water and power to the house.

During Trump’s Impeachment hearings, the dumb ass tweeted to intimidate the former Ambassador to the Ukraine, Marie Yovanovitch, who was in the middle of her testimony. Anyone but Republicans viewed this as Witness Tampering. She received a standing ovation when she was finished testifying.

People are calling for Steve Miller to resign after all his fascist and bigoted emails to Breitbart were discovered.

 

16 November 2019 Saturday

 I worked taking down all my outside fall decorations and spent the afternoon putting out holiday decorations while the weather is still nice. I put tinsel garland out on the steps, took the glass panes out of the light fixtures to wash them and clean all the bugs out of them. It’s been in the 60’s the past few days so perfect time to get them out. I will wait until after Thanksgiving to put up Yuletide decorations inside the house.

            I made a beef pot pie for my supper tonight. It was delicious. Ground beef is about all I can chew anymore. The pups had to deal with leftover of cold roast pork and beef. It's time now to relax now and watch the Disney channel.

            I watched their National Geographic Channel and viewed James Cameron’s documentary of 20 Years after Titanic about he’s explorations after he had made the movie.

 

17 November 2019 Sunday

This morning I finished reconstructing my 1976 journal through the end of May when I left Provo for good and moved back home to Garden Grove.

Kyle Foote came to the house at 1 this afternoon and wanted to start clearing out the basement. That took most of the afternoon as I threw away things, put items away for D.I. and moved other bits and piece up stairs. I decided to get rid of things I had held on to for sentimental reasons like the green plaid sports jacket that I was married in back in 1977 and had let the kids use as a costume in the Ghost of Plymouth Castle over the years. Also we got rid of hats that I had used for costumes. We took down all of Bill Poore’s pictures that I need to get back to him and some of mine that I had hanging on the wall.

Kyle wanted all new bedroom bedding and drapery so all that is going to D.I. also. He replaced the light fan fixture with a light fixture he liked and I started hauling pantry items upstairs. We also got rid of the Printer that Kyle had bought before going to prison back in 2011.

            So it was a busy afternoon, cleaning out things that when I die they would just go in the trash or to D.I. anyway. But now I have to find spots for things I brought upstairs that I want to keep. I think Kyle is finally realizing he will be living here in a couple of weeks and needs to get things ready.

            Kyle said he was able to reconnect with his old Face book Account he had before going to prison and so he was able to retrieve a lot of his old pictures. I also found the box where I had put his family album and other papers I had saved for him.

            This evening I just watched Episode I of the Star War movies on the Disney Channel before heading to bed.

            Old Joe Redburn turned 81 years old today. That old cuss will outlive us all.

I am so sick of these millionaire Evangelicals boo hoping about Trump the anti-Christ being picked on. We are in moral decline but it's not about sex it's about grinding the faces of the poor...That is what the Prophets of the Old Testament condemned over and over...economic injustice... Christ never praised the rich but said how unlikely they were ever to experience spirituality ... He drove the money changers out of the temple... he told the rich man to give everything he had away...There is no such thing as the Gospel of Prosperity... It's a lie and part of the great American Christian apostasy... Most hypocrites in the evangelical movement are liars and Deceivers’ or just plain insane.

 

18 November 2019 Monday

Lulabelle landed in a bowl of cherries when she became my little girl 3 years ago today. She’s a piddling pooch but I love her. It was Lulubelle's first day in the House of the Barking Dogs 3 years ago today. I changed her name from Cupcake to a proper Southern name of Lulubelle.

            I worked on my 1976 journal for much of the morning now that the internet again in the evening I watched The Simpsons and Bob’s Burgers before going to bed early around 9.

When I was at Cypress College from 1969-1971 I use to go over to Cal State Fullerton to participate in the demonstrations regarding the Kent State Massacre and to join those protesting America's involvement in Vietnam. I found a picture from 1970 that someone had posted showing the riot police on campus.

A book of photos of the various protest incidents, including one of naked students and faculty, was ruled obscene by the Orange County district attorney, leading to more student arrests. I use to own the magazine. It was the first time I actually saw naked pictures of young men and women. They were flipping off Gov. Reagan.

After Governor Reagan shut all state college and UC campuses for four days, in May 1970 students occupied the Performing Arts Building for a week. It was called Free University and I attended the mass community meeting in the gym, put soon protests soon petered out.

I lived in the dorms at Cal State in the Fall of 1971 until I was kicked out for telling people I was Gay. I had joined the Gay Student Union that was organized that fall.

I was a radical then and some 50 years later still a radical.

 

19 November 2019 Tuesday

The pups let me sleep in until 6:30 this morning and I must have needed the rest. I typed up in some of my journals before Kyle Foote texted saying he was coming by the house today to run all that stuff we put in his rogue to DI. So I decided to clean the space under the stairs that had become kind of a catch all of all types of things I thought I needed to keep but really don’t.

            It was really messy under there with mice droppings, a few dead mice and lots of insulation they had chewed through. I found a lot of Kyle’s personal stuff I had saved for him so I was glad I pulled everything out. I mostly had trunks of old family pictures and old letters I had saved that now I will have to go through and decide what to save and what to toss. I found two binders of first day post marked envelopes that must have been dad’s.

            When Kyle came by the house after getting a haircut and we loaded a few more things to take to D.I. and went to the one in Bountiful because he wanted to go to the Centerville Target to get some new bedding since he didn’t want mine.  We both commented on how cute the Bountiful boys are.

            After shopping at Target we went to the Centerville Dairy Queen for lunch. I hadn’t eaten at DQ in years and years. It was good but neither one of us could finish what we ordered.

            Kyle has two interviews this week, one with an architect firm in Ogden tomorrow and one on Thursday for a home building company.  Thursday I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning and then in the evening we are going to a musical play 42^nd Street at Hillcrest High School.

            After Kyle left I decided to pull out some of the Christmas decorations like the fiber optic tree and the crèche manger. I was going to wait until after Thanksgiving but I was in the mood to see what I really still have. 

Cleaning out some old papers hidden away. I found the Daily Chronicle from November 1976 where I had my picture on the front page when I worked in food services at the U of U. I worked with the meanest woman in Utah, Chris Duncan, who was being forced to retire and I was hired to replace her so she hated me. I had to be at work at 6 in the morning and on my feet all day. We made sandwiches, party trays and wrapped chocolate chip cookies for the vending machines on campus. I was 25 years old at the time and glad for the work. I am older now than Chris was back then.

I bought some more magnets for the Honda FIT...one was a Rainbow paw print for the pups who have crossed the Rainbow Bridge and the other I love my dogs, Kyle had bought me. I also bought a rainbow magnet to go on the hatch back.

I saw a site that told how to calculate a dog’s age in relations to a human.  A 10 year old dog is about 67 years old and Buddy was about 74 years old when he passed.

            I wanted to get Bill Poore’s pictures that were in the down stairs bedroom back to him and was planning on bringing them to him tomorrow before going to the Gay Men’s Noon Sack Lunch group. He texted back that he would be at the Veterans tomorrow for his primary care appointment. He said he would get them maybe this weekend so he could see the pups. He also said he had been in bed for about three days but could get up and drive like go to the store but is very tired. He is having a biopsy on the nodules in his lungs very soon.  So I am really worried his health is declining.

 

20 November 2019 Wednesday

I went to the Pride Center at noon for the Gay Men’s Sack lunch and it was such a small turn out. There were just 4 of us, Charles Bigo, Richard Harmston, and this new gentleman who had never been to the center before so I took him on a brief tour.  It was cold, overcast, and slightly drizzling so may be that kept people away.

            Kyle had an interview in Ogden with some architecture business and barely made it back to Fortitude by 4. I had to meet him down there with his work clothes to change out of the dress clothes he wore.

I touched up a picture I painted back in 2002. I was not happy with it then and had put it away but since I took it out of the downstairs bed room I decide to work a little on it after all these years. In high school and Junior College I was an art minor and painted all the time. When I became a Mormon I gave it up as all my artist friends were queer. When I became a Gay activist I had no time to paint anymore so I put my energies into that, and preserving Utah’s history. I lost any talent that I once had but hung this in my bedroom to remind me that at one time I had the soul of an artist if not the talent.

I went out again this evening back to the Pride Center to listen to Walter Larabee share his adventures at the Queer Historical Society's monthly Oratory. There was a really good turnout I think but mostly Court people and long time friends. I sat between Courtney Moser and Dan Fahndrich by John Bennett.

I am such a pack rat although I am starting to throw away things. I found an article from my Senior Year in High School from 50 years ago about John Cunningham. Anyone who knows me knows why I kept an article about him. Both John and Gail Foutz are gone now. It even contained an article about The LUV club was one of the only two high school clubs I ever joined and that was because I wanted to be with John.  LUV stood for Let Us Vote which was a movement to lower the voting age from 21 to 18.

It is kind of interesting the stuff you keep around to remind yourself of your roots. A miniature bale of cotton was given to me right after I was born. It was ginned at the cotton co-op in Hart Camp Texas where my grandparents had a farm. It once looked tidy and neat but after 68 years of being hauled around by me has taken its toll. The same soil that grew this cotton grew me when my mom was pregnant when we lived at Hart Camp and dad tried his hand at farming. You can take the boy out of Texas but you can't take Texas out of the boy...for me literally.

Bill Poore went to the Emergency Room at the VA hospital this afternoon because his blood sugars had sky rocketed and the hospital is trying to get it down so he can have some more tests. He may have cancer. He doesn’t want me to come up to the hospital.

 

21 November 2019 Thursday

I had a restless sleep. Every so often my bariatric surgery causes me to have some gastric discomfort... oh well... I woke up about 230 in the morning and didn’t get back to sleep until 4. Then Coco came over and I just decided to get as I had a doctors check up appointment at 8:20.

            Kyle Foote came to the house about 7:30 because he had scheduled to have 4 hours off this morning for a job interview but that was postponed until next week.

            It was cold and rain mixed with snow on the way to the Redwood Clinic. At Dr. Stoneburner’s I weighed in at 183 pounds and I got a flu shot finally. I hate mechanical blood pressure readers. When the assistant took the pressure, the machine said I was 211 over 98 which I knew was BS. Stoneburner later asked me how I was feeling and I said fine but your machine says I'm having a stroke.  I knew the machine had a false reading as I have been faithfully been taking my pills. When he checked me with a cuff I was 136 over 80. Machines always give me a false reading.

The good news is that Dr. Stoneburner said that I was no longer diabetic and he deleted that diagnosis from my medical chart. He said I was his star patient after giving him so much grief over the years. LOL So kind of a red letter day to not be diabetic anymore and had nipped it all in the bud before I lost any vision, limbs, or developed neuropathy.

When I came back to the house, I decided to make some pumpkin bread to bring down to the Pride Center since I thought I’d have to be taking Kyle there for his noon appointment with Aaron but as it turned out I didn’t have too, just  had to sign him out of Fortitude. But I went to the Pride Center briefly and delivered 5 mini loaves of bread to Katie Webinger, Robert Moolman, Liz Pitt, Deb Hall, and Bek in accounting. Katie said her husband landed a job in Tennessee and they will be moving there eventually. I will miss her. Robert and Liz were checking damages done to the outside of the building when a truck must have hit it. I don’t know anymore as I left for home.

Since I didn’t get much sleep I was kind of tired all day and I think Kyle needed some down time so we watched the 1^st episode of the 3^rd Season of The Crown. Later in the afternoon just as we were about to leave the house, Darren Solomon of all people showed up. I invited him in for a quick visit. The poor guy is such a mess. He wanted me to show him how to get on the computer for dating sites for mature men but of course I didn’t have time for that and also he is so computer illiterate I doubt if it would do any good. I did show him where to find the Silver Daddies hook up site not that he will be able to get on line. He did say that Merrill and he had broken up and Merrill had moved out. Merrill was always a medical mess but now Darren said he had returned to the Mormon Church and says he’s not Gay anymore. Pathetic.

Kyle and I went down south to Draper to go to Standards plumbing supplies to look at replacing the toilets at the house. They are now 23 years old and were cheap when we bought the house in 1996. Kyle wanted taller ones for especially me as I age and more water efficient. He knew what kind were the best from working with his former prison supervisor Lance who was a plumber. So I bought 2 toilets today for $400 each and Kyle will install them when they are delivered. Kyle was like in a candy store in home hardware stuff.

Since we were down in that end of the valley we decided to just go eat there someplace on Fort Union Blvd. We went to the Pie Pizzeria down there and ordered a Calzone which was more than enough for the 2 of us.

Afterwards we just went over to Alan Anderson and Kyle Daniels early about 5:30. Alan said that Kyle D wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t be going to the play. When he came down to visit with us, I guess Kyle D had been having chest pains and had really high blood pressure. The doctors had said he might have even had a mild heart attack. They said they probably wouldn’t be going to Idaho for Thanksgiving after all so invited them again over to the house for dinner.

  The musical 42nd Street put on by Hillcrest High School in Midvale was phenomenal. What talent that school has and the drama teacher used a cast of 150 kids plus orchestra to include in the show. Kids were singing and tap dancing in the aisles as well as on stage. A thoroughly talented group of high school singers and tap dances.  Our Gay future is preserved with all these musical theater boys. The number "Dames" was sung by at least 50 boys dressed in top hats, canes, and tails. I have to say this about Utah, they really support musical theater in high school.

 

22 November 2019 Friday

It was mostly a very gloomy day, overcast but no rain, just kind of damp. I didn’t go out at all today except to take Coco home. This morning I finished cleaning out the storage space beneath the stairs and the laundry room.

            I also repaired a large portrait picture of Grandma and Grandpa Williams that the glass had broken. I had another pane of glass that fit perfectly so I guess I will hang portraits of my grandparents and mom and dad in my bedroom.

            I feel kind of overwhelm with all the stuff I hauled upstairs to my bedroom. I need to go through it and decide what to keep and what now time to let go is. Anything that won’t mean a thing to anyone else but me probably should get tossed.

            Kyle Foote came over at 12:30 and stayed until 4:30. He mainly used his time interviewing for jobs and used me as a sounding board to figure out pros and cons.  I think the reality that he will no longer be under the control of the state except for parole officers in little more than a week, just 10 days, is making him a little anxious. It must be surreal after being locked up for 8 years.

            I made a pot of ham and beans for supper today. It’s soup weather for sure. The Republicans are massing a  campaign to discredit all the patriots that came and testified before the Impeachment inquiry.

            Bill Poore was moved into a private room so he’s a little more comfortable than sharing a room with someone. He’s definitely going to be on insulin now. He sounded rather weak so I think he realizes being at the hospital is better for him than being home by himself.

 

23 November 2019 Saturday

Bill Poore called me this morning that they are keeping him up in the hospital because his blood sugars are still too high and he wasn’t feeling well enough to come home, He’s in his own room so that is good.

            I started finding places to put all the stuff I hauled up from downstairs but it will take a while before I actually get the bedroom back to the way I want it.  I took the FIT down to the carwash to get some of the road grime off from last week’s rain and went grocery shopping for food for the dogs and I made a Crockpot of Taco Soup. I also worked leaf blowing the leaves off the veranda, deck, side yard, the garage and driveway ahead of the snow storm that is coming this week.

            I hung some of the family portraits on my bedroom wall but other than that this evening I just watched some more of the Star Wars episodes, Rogue One, and the original one that came out in 1977 but now is episode IV. I was tired and went to bed around 9.

            In the news GOP Rep Nunes may be tied to the Ukraine scandal.

 

24 November 2019 Sunday

Didn’t do much today. I tried to blow the leaves off the deck again ahead of the snow storm we are supposed to get tomorrow. It was a clear day and fairly warm in the mid 40’s. I worked a little on my journals but mainly watched some TV. I have been watching the Star War Sagas and it’s interesting to see how they added stuff to make it more chronological in order because Episodes 4 through 6 were made decades before Episodes 1 through 3.

Well it's stuff the turkey and us week. Time to put the menu together for a few friends coming over. I don’t go extravagant... pretty traditional. I always think Thanksgiving is not the time to concoct experiments but keep it simple and satisfying, Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, yams, cranberries, rolls, and two kinds of favorite vegetables like corn and fried okra and of course pumpkin and pecan pies

Going through old papers I found this I had written back in 1980 about a memorable time when I was a 15 year old boy in California.

2 August 1966 Tuesday

It was a hot summer day. My 17 year old sister Donna and I wanted to get out of the house because we were bored. Donna called her girlfriend Chris Barber and I called my friend Jerry Smith to see if they wanted to go out cruising with us. Of course they wanted to get out as much as we did. We were carefree, all teenagers, so after picking them up we started driving down Highway 39, which is now called Beach Boulevard towards the beach.

            At the intersection of Garden Grove Boulevard, we spotted a young service man thumbing for a ride. Donna slammed on the brakes of the '63 Ford Galaxy to stop for him. When he saw that we were just young kids, he got into the back seat with Jerry and me. Donna and Chris were in the front.

He said his name was Denny and that he was stationed at Los Alamitos and had just got his first pass. He was 19 years old and had wanted to see the ocean because he was from Chicago and had never seen the Pacific ocean before. We had absolutely nothing planned for the evening so we said we would be his tour guide and show him the sights that there were to see in Orange County.

We cruised down Beach Boulevard to Huntington Beach and took him to the pier where we parked, got out, and walked in the sand. We then rolled up our pants legs, took off our shoes and splashed in the water up and down the beach. It was dark out without hardly anyone on the beach. The water was florescent beneath the moon. We also walked the quarter mile length of the pier and then back to the car.

After Denny had seen the ocean, we drove down the Pacific Coast Highway towards Newport then took the back roads to Costa Mesa which were nearly deserted. We would stop at the red lights, pile out of the car, run around it several times, yelling and screaming and then jump back in before the light turned green. That is what you call a Chinese Fire Drill. The car radio played the Beatles “Yellow Submarine” and we all sang along with the radio blasting as we drove up Harbor Boulevard.

Our new found hitchhiking friend from Chicago said he had never eaten a taco before or even heard of it so we had to take him to a Taco Bell. We made him try a little hot sauce which was the mild one and we laughed as he said his mouth was on fire. We laughed because we were so used to Taco Bell’s hot sauce that we could almost drink it like water. He said that he liked the taco but would have to get used to the hot sauce.

Then we drove him by Disneyland at Harbor and Katella to see it and all the fancy motels. We all had such a great time singing songs off the radio and laughing so much that it was a letdown when we had to take Denny back to his base at midnight.

We all said goodbye and we promised to keep in touch with him by writing. We never saw Denny again although I wrote him once or twice and he wrote me back.

I knew then that I hated the Vietnam War and the military that had the power and control of life and death over the lives of young men like Denny.

I never saw Denny again but it was a magical, fun and spontaneous summer night of laughter, song, friendship, and caring for a young boy named Denny so far from home.

 

25 November 2019 Monday

I had my Dentist appointment at Roseman Dental school today. It was supposed to have been at 8:30 but since the kid I had been seeing, Spenser Judd, had called in sick I had to see another dentist named Jesse who I didn’t get in to see until 9:15. I was kind of pissed having to wait so long when I had been up so early and left the house at 7:45 to be there on time for my appointment. Weird that they didn’t take my blood pressure this time even though I ordered a blood pressuring measuring device from Amazon that came yesterday.

It was snowing by the time I was through with my cleaning but it wasn’t sticking. My next appointment is December 4^th at 9 in the morning followed by another one on December 11^th at the same time.

            I made it home before the real storm hit. First blizzard of the season. I am glad I made Taco Soup yesterday to enjoy today. Glad to be retired and sitting home with the hound dogs. 

I briefly saw Kyle Foote today when he came home to change clothes for another job interview and to take Zane the inmate he has cooked with at Fortitude for the past 6 months who is being released tomorrow out for lunch.

The roads are pretty bad so Michael Romero came over to pick up Coco. I gave him the rest of the Taco Soup to take home.

                We played around with the blood pressure cuff I got from Amazon but we kept getting an error message.

           

26 November 2019 Tuesday

I wrote up a recommendation for Randy Hoffman who is wanting to get into a History graduate program at the U of U this morning. I did a little grocery shopping but other than taking Coco home didn’t leave the house. I did stop at Papa Murphy’s and bought a Cowboy Pizza for their $10 Tuesday special.

            I typed up a lot of old letters from the 1960’s I had saved from family and friends and went down memory lane.

            I finished watching Star Wars the middle of the trilogy, which originally was the first ones filmed.

 

27 November 2019 Wednesday

I really cleaned the front room, dining room and kitchen really well for company tomorrow. I mopped and vacuum, changed the cover on the couch, turned the kitchen table around so it can accommodate more people, and even cleaned out the hall closet of stuff that I had just put in there to be out of sight.

            When Kyle Foote came over about 1 in the afternoon he worked cleaning up the downstairs bedroom and bathroom while I made a pumpkin pie and did some other prep work. I cooked, peeled and candied the yams, made up the cornbread dressing, and peeled all the potatoes. I put them all in the refrigerated to cook up tomorrow.

            It began to snow heavily in the afternoon and evening as it had been predicted with the mountains getting hit the hardest.

            Michael came over to pick up Coco so I didn’t have to take her home in the storm and I gave him some of the split pea soup I had made all morning to take with him.

            After Kyle went back to Fortitude I just curled up in the lazy boy and watched some Star Wars, the 3^rd part of the three sections when Luke, Hans, and Leila are 30 years older. It kind of made me feel just as old because when they were in the first Star Wars in 1977 they were all about my age.            

            My room is still such a mess from hauling so much upstairs and I haven’t found a place for it all yet. It’s been a busy day and I’m pooped.

 

28 November 2019 Thursday  Thanksgiving

I was up early this morning at 6 to put the turkey in the oven and do some prep work and house cleaning for company this afternoon.  It was snowing lightly until  about 8:00 the storm really came in. Overnight we must have gotten 3 inches so I went and shoveled the driveway  and some of the sidewalks before leaving at 9 to go check out Kyle Foote from Fortitude. The snow was coming down fast and heavy but fortunately there weren’t that many people out on the roads and there wasn’t any black ice. Still I white knuckled it down 10^th North over to 9^th West and drove about 25 miles an hour for much of the way to 17^th South. Once there, I had Kyle drive home.

            I spent the rest of the morning coordinating what to put in the oven or on the stove top so it would all come out at the same time. I don’t think preparing a Thanksgiving dinner is all that hard just timing everything.

            I cooked a 6.5 pound turkey breast in the oven on low for most of the morning until an hour before serving to brown it. I had the cornbread dressing going in a Crockpot which cooked it but kept it moist.  I had the potatoes slow cooking then when ready to whip, I added milks and butter and put it all in another crock pot to keep warm. 

On the stove I had two kinds of squash, fried okra, and the turkey gravy cooking. I micro-waved the frozen corn and in the oven I had the candied yams and crescent rolls baking. So everything was ready when company arrived at 1 in the afternoon without too much of a frazzle.

            I thawed out a Marie Calendar Pecan Pie to have with the pumpkin pie I made yesterday just in case the roads were too bad for TJ Otaka and Jim McMullin who were coming up from 114 hundred South in Daybreak. But they made it fine and said the roads were cleared from the morning storm.

            Mike Romero showed up first followed by Alan Anderson, Kyle Daniels, then TJ and Jim all coming about the same time so we ate right away. Alan brought some cranberry relish dish and some sweet wines and TJ brought a traditional green bean casserole with the crispy onions on top and a pumpkin cheesecake dessert so there was plenty of food.  So much so that when everyone finally did leave I sent home sack loads of Tupperware filled with leftovers for everyone.

            The pups were well behaved and I shared my dinner with them as I couldn’t but eat a bite full of  a taste of everything.

            After eating the feast we all sat in the front room and talked about different thing all except politics. Not that we would have argued because we are all on the same page but why ruin an afternoon bringing up trump the bastard fraudulent President?  Kyle Foote shared some of his knowledge of construction so people talked about their places when they were built. Kyle Daniels works with Kyle Foote’s cousin named Quinn Rawlins at his high school.

            Alan was sleepy so they left first about 3:30 and the rest stayed visiting until nearly 5. I was worried that the roads might freeze but it hadn’t snowed any after this morning. I did a lot of cleaning and sending home leftovers while I was cleaning the kitchen.

            It was a very enjoyable day and just about the right amount of people that were self entertaining taking any stress off of me.

            After everyone was gone, Kyle Foote was getting antsy and so he went for a drive to get out of the house while I watched the news. I guess Trump made a surprise visit to Afghanistan. He said he was in talks with the Taliban but he’s such a deceiver who can tell?

I guess Ogden was hit hard by the storm and power was out there for 1000s for much of the day. That ruined a lot of Thanksgiving plans I bet.

            I had to take Kyle back to Fortitude at 7 this evening but the roads were good. I only have to pick him up one more time and that is on Monday. He’s taking a 10 hour leave that day and I may also be picking him up at Midnight Tuesday morning so he can be out of there completely.

            I was tired but didn’t want to go to bed too early but did anyway. I was in bed with all the pups by 8:30 this evening. It’s been 2 years since I brought Buster home as a foster. He was called Rocky then but when I decided to keep him I changed his name.

 

29 November 2019 Friday

It's almost a white out over here in Marmalade West for most of the day. The streets were clear this morning but about 11 they began to get snow packed. I bet it’s a mess at the airport with them having lots of delays for travelers. But I am warm and inside and made a kettle of ham and bean soup and there’s plenty of food for the pups.

            Mike Romero had the day off so didn’t have to take Coco home. Kyle Foote came by the house for a bit to work downstairs getting it ready for him to move into next week.

 

30 November 2019 Saturday

I wanted biscuits and milk gravy this morning so that meant I had to get out of a warm bed.  I hoped if I waited long enough the snow would melt from yesterday’s blizzard so l I wouldn’t have to shovel and it did.

When Kyle Foote came to the house we decided to go to Kohl’s in Centerville to return my blood pressure cuff but there was too long of a return line, probably because it was Saturday. So instead we went shopping for work clothes for Kyle’s new job he will start on Tuesday. We bought some work boots, three pair of Dockers pants, three plaid shirts, and a mattress pad. While checking out the gal said that if I opened a Kohl charge card I could save 23 percent on the purchases so I did. I save $93 which basically paid for the boots. I then paid off the account so I didn’t have a balance on the card. 

I made some beef stew today. It’s that time of year for soups, stews, and chili. So today is the last of November and the weather, while crisp, the stormy weather is over and everything seems more like Christmas than Thanksgiving.

 

DECEMBER

1 December 2019 Sunday

My nephew James Clark is 51 years old today. I was just 17 years old when he was born. Kyle Foote came to the house to work on cleaning up the bedroom down stairs while I worked on my presentation for the Utahn Stonewall Historical Society on the year 1997.

            Bill Poore said he didn’t feel up to coming over today and may go back to the VA Hospital because his blood sugars are spiking. Courtney Moser said that his husband Kelly Byrnes fell and broke his hip and is in the hospital again.

Jim Dabakis brought Taco over about 2:30 to spend the holidays at the House of the Barking Dogs. He’s going to be gone until sometime in January  as he's having Feliz Navidad in old Mexico. I just love little Taco Belle and he loves being here too.  Later I saw that he left a $100 bill on the kitchen counter. He really doesn’t have to do that.  I gave it to Kyle so he would have pocket money for next week.

I watched several episodes of The Crown tonight before going to bed probably too early at 9.  I had all 5 dogs snuggling with me tonight.

Remembering all my friends and acquaintances who perished in the AIDS epidemic on this World AIDS Day. The diagnosed cases of AIDS in Utah peaked in 1990; with 1995 being the peak year of 127 deaths. While the numbers have steadily declined, in 2016 there were 46 who died of AIDS. Over a 1000 people have died of AIDS according to Utah which only counted those who were diagnosed within the state.

I felt like I was in a war zone back then. Friends and lovers gone. Just names now but I knew them when they were full of life, hopes, and dreams.  David Sharpton, Dave Reed, Ken Francis just to name a few.

This is the last month of the decade. The Roaring Twenties are looming ahead. In 2020 all the major fixed holidays will be on weekends, 4th of July, 24th of July, Halloween, Christmas, and New Year Eve. However Nov 3rd a Tuesday will be the most defining day whether we reclaim the dream of a Republic of the people or slide into fascist theocracy controlled by an oligarchy... sadly it will be decided by those apathetic non voters

 

2 December 2019 Monday

I had the weirdest dream this morning about having a hard time getting to Fortitude to check Kyle Foote out. In my dream every street I went down was a dead end.

            Michael Romero  called and asked how Coco was doing because she had a hard time walking over the weekend and said she was not well. I kept an eye on her and she seemed out of it.

Before picking up Kyle  I went to the Smith’s on 9^th West to get some discounted meat for the dogs and some canned food also. They had some really terrific mark downs.  So I checked Kyle out, before 9, for the last time. We then went to get the truck parked on the side street for the last time and brought it home. This morning we also went to Sutherland’s to buy what we need to install the toilets.

            Kyle had to go off to some interview in Centerville and he took back the blood pressure cuff to Kohl’s while up there. Standard Plumbing delivered the two toilets while he was gone and when he came back he noticed that they didn’t delivered the quiet closing toilet seat that he had ordered so we went to the Standard Plumbing closer to the house and picked it up

            However after Kyle installed his toilet he realized that they sent us the wrong commode. We had ordered a Drake 2 and they sent us just a Drake. The Drake 2 was more expensive because it kind of self cleans.   He was really frustrated but we drove back down to Sandy and showed them their mistake. The delivery guy gave our toilet to someone else and had delivered his to us. Standard made good and gave us the right one but Kyle is going to have to tear the first one back out but didn’t have time today after all. I took him back down at 7 and checked him in for the last time.

            Kyle received permission to leave Fortitude at midnight so he wanted me to come and get him then. He didn’t want to spend a minute more of his time locked up and I said I would. So I had to stay up to midnight which was hard because I had gotten up so early and hadn’t had a chance to nap. But I did. So Kyle is no longer incarcerated in any capacity.

 

3 December 2019 Tuesday

I am not sure what I did but I have the worse crick in my neck. I thought maybe I slept on it wrong yesterday but it got worse last night even with heating pad. It throbs so I am thinking a virus may have settled in there. I can't hard turn my head without extreme pain... old age I guess.

            Kyle Foote spent the night here for the first time in 8 years. He had his parole office meeting this morning and then went off to his new job at Vandersteen. I didn’t see him again until after 4:30 in the afternoon

Poor Coco isn't doing well either. I took Coco to the vet this morning at 10:15 to get a check up because she was not eating or drinking. Michael Romero met me there and we had them do blood work and x rays. The good news is that her internal organs are healthy, no tumors, and no diabetes  but the bad news is that one of her back discs is inflamed so we have to have her on pain medication and anti-inflammatory pills as well as staying hydrated. I paid $650 for her visit but I’d rather do that then pay for her to come home in a box.. We got her pain reduced and now she just slept for the day. We will go back in 3 days to see how she responds to the medicines.

After bringing Coco home I took TJ down to the Groomer to have his nails clipped. They were starting to curl under and I won’t do it because he’s such a big baby. Brought him home and then went to America First Credit Union to see what was going on with my mortgage and it was just that they changed the date the mortgage was due. Then I went to the Carwash to get the salt and grime off the FIT from the snow storm last week. I also went to Wal-Mart and bought some more curtain panels for Kyle’s downstairs. It was a pretty busy day. I didn’t get any work done on my presentation for tomorrow but I know it will be fine.

Mike came over to pick Coco up because they are doing some kind of construction on his street and I fixed Kyle and him some thin steaks with wild rice and garlic bread. I wasn’t hungry at all.

It was kind of a nice day but kind of overcast.

 

4 December 2019 Wednesday

I had a dentist appointment at Roseman this morning at 9. This 4 year student named Jeff Hunt worked on filling a cavity that if not taken care of would have become a root canal. Afterwards I went and had a haircut and beard trim. Then I came home and worked on the presentation for the night’s lecture. It was a very foggy and even smoggy inversion day today. They said Salt Lake had the worse air quality today in the country.

            I think Coco is feeling a bit better but we will have to baby her still. I made a crock pot of chicken noodle soup and Mike Romero and Kyle Foote both had some when they came to the house. I didn’t eat much all day. I made some peanut butter cookies for tonight and after Kyle reinstalled his toilet he went with me to the Utah Pride Center.  It was a very small turn out. The smallest ever only about 8 people but it was a cold damp night. TJ and Jim were at the Eccles Theater seeing a stage version of the Christmas Story and Charles and Richard were down in Mexico. Courtney Moser of course had to be with Kelly.

            My shoulder is a bit better from soaking in the hot tub and putting some Icy-Hot ointment on it.  The Impeachment Hearings is in the news as well as Trump making an ass of himself at the NATO conference in Europe.

 

5 December 2019 Thursday

Today is the first  Thursday in 6 months that I didn’t had to go pick up Kyle Foote from Fortitude for his home visit. I feel like we both have been released.

            Coco seemed to be doing a bit better today and I fed her some ham and cheese. She seemed to be getting around better but she’s not quite out of the woods yet.

            Alan Anderson and Kyle Daniels brought Corky and Bhanni over around 3 to catch their flight to San Francisco to go to a football game there. Such fanatics. Alan said that Kyle Foote is coming over to their place next Tuesday to help install a new refrigerator. Also Kyle Daniels told me that Kyle Foote’s cousin Quinn Rawlins came out to him today at work. They are both history teachers at Cypress High School. 

            I made some baked green chilies and cheese dip and green chilies pork burritos this afternoon. When Mike Romero came over to pick Coco up I fed him. I thought I was going to feed Kyle F but instead we went to Market Street Grill’s Oyster Bar to celebrate Kyle’s release from incarceration finally and spend the gift card that Craig Crawford gave to him.

When he came home at 6 this evening I was surprised that he wanted to go out thinking he might be too tired after he left for work at 6:30 this morning but he said he wanted to go so we did. The Christmas lights were all on downtown and I really like the blue ones wrapped in every tree,  a lot.

            I knew I wouldn’t be eating much but I did order the Cod Fish and chip and Kyle had a steak filet and a sampling of Oysters after I said, “here we are at a fish place and you order steak!” He also had a glass of wine his first in 8 years. I enjoyed being out with Kyle but eating out at fine dining is nearly wasted on me as little as I can eat. Actually I enjoyed the bread and butter as much as anything. Listening to Kyle talk about aspects of his new joy and his enthusiasm about what he’s doing gladden this old heart.

            We were out until after 8:30 and drove down Main Streets to see the lights and then home I went up stairs and watched some television on the House of Windsor.

            I have caught some type of crud that has gone down into my chest. That is probably why I had such a sore neck earlier from some virus hitting me. I have kind of a raspy hacking cough but I don’t really feel sick. I’ve also been having a charley horse spasm in my right thigh today. I don’t know what that is all about either.        

 

6 December 2019 Friday

I had a strange dream this morning involving Sue Robbins, the transwoman who had been the board chair of the Pride Center. I dreamed we were at the Center and she asked me if I was going to some trans event and I said no and she was disappointed that no one seemed to be going so I said, years ago we were lucky to get 4 people to attend an event  so in time things will change but just accept how things are now and watch them grow. Weird dream I know.

            Mike Romero and I took Coco in for a follow up appointment with the vet at 10:45 this morning and she is doing do much better. I bought her a supply of inflamatories that she will probably be on indefinitely. It was hazy this afternoon but by late afternoon the fog came in and it was really hazy. 

            My cough had gotten worse during the night so I went to the store and bought some cough syrup and cough drops. I don’t really feel sick with aches, or runny nose just something that settled in my chest. The awful inversion doesn’t help any but I really don’t go out in it much.

            Mike picked up Coco again and I fed him some roast pork and fried sweet potatoes. When Kyle Foote came home he took off about 5:30 to go out to dinner with some flight attendant guy I suppose he met online so I didn’t see him much today.

            I am run down anyway and just wanted to rest. I’m not sleeping well with all they dogs wanting to be on the bed with me. I didn’t even work on the computer but just watched TV.  I finished watching a documentary on the House of Windsor, an episode of Marvelous Mrs. Maisel as the 3^rd Season was released today.

            I was in bed by 9. Kyle said he has to go into work again tomorrow because he’s helping build a wall in the temporary new office in Ogden he’s working out of. Sunday he had a Algebra Final.

           

7 December 2019 Saturday

Besides going to the Redwood Clinic to have some blood drawn I did very little today . It was extremely foggy and cold out even though it was 33 degrees. I stopped at Maverick and Sapp Brothers to fill up the FIT but for some reason neither places would accept my debit card at the pump and it was too damp and cold out to mess with it so I went to Smith’s on 6^th North and there it was fine plus I got a 20 cent discount so I only paid $2.67 a gallon and filled it at 8.5 gallons.

            After coming home I didn’t go out the rest of the day.  Roy Zang called this afternoon to ask if ‘d come to the December 15h Queer Historical Meeting and I said I would. He wants me to be on the Pride Day Booth committee and I said I would but I am too old to be walking in any parade. I will be 69 years old by the time Pride kicks off in June.

Kyle Foote left this morning at 6:30 and I didn’t see him again until 5 in the evening. He was excited that he received his check from the state from money owed him over the years from the Unclaimed Property Division. It was for over $2500!     He went to deposit the money and later went out probably on a date so I just watched some episodes of the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and Mandalorian. I also watched the 1953 Invaders From Mars with Jimmy Hunt. For a cheesy science fiction B movie its one of the best of the genre.

            My cough is still with me and its annoying but not debilitating.  In the news Utah Congressman Stewart's Mormon driven "protect the haters Bill"  also known as Fairness For All was introduced in Congress to protect theocratic driven discrimination against Gays and trans folk.

 

8 December 2019 Sunday

After 23 years this old Queen got a new throne. It's a Drake 2 Toto 1.5 gallon that Kyle Foote installed one downstairs and one upstairs. Trump inspired me because he was so worried how many times we Americans flush

Corkey and Bhanni just left to go home with their daddies... the rest of us are exhausted lol... no more steak for those two for a while.... I guess I will see them again at Christmas

 

9 December 2019 Monday

I've had some chest crud for a week now... my voice is creaky and mostly gone so been lethargic and mostly watching shows like The Crown, Mrs. Maisel, the Mandalorian, Star Wars, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, journey to the Center of the Earth, Black Beards Ghost, the Shaggy Dog, and Stagecoach so I have been too lazy to go out and do much else.

 

10 December 2019 Tuesday

I didn’t sleep well at all due to my hacking and coughing. I was down to the new Sugar House U of U clinic for a bariatric check up this morning at 10...wow has this area changed ... does not look like the old Sugar House at all. At the bariatric clinic they checked my lungs so nothing bad there just this chest cold. I also don’t have a fever or feel achy just coughing. I miss my mom rubbing Vicks Vapor rub on me when I had a chest cold as a child. The dietitian got after me for not eating half the protein I need and being dehydrated. The doctor pinched the skin in my hand to show me that it stood up like a tent... I told her it's just old age skin. She was not amused.

            I didn’t see Kyle all day. He left the house about 6:30 this morning and I went to bed around 7 worn out.  He went over to Alan Anderson and Kyle Daniels to help them install their new Refrigerator so have no idea what time he came home.

            I ordered a charger for the Samsung I Pad but it was the wrong size so will  have to return that.  In the news articles of Impeachment have been drawn up by the House against Donald Trump.

 

11 December 2019 Wednesday

I need a pep pill so I can get the energy to get out of bed and do something productive ... I am not too worried though... got my will drawn up and funeral paid for so good to go You'd think sleeping for 12 hours would cure anything but I still have some crud left. I canceled a dental appointment for today because I dreaded having a coughing spasm while having a cavity filled. I rescheduled for the 18^th. Yesterday at the clinic they checked my lungs so nothing bad there just this chest cold.

I have Laryngitis from coughing so much has wrecked my vocal cords... feeling pretty run down ... might have to go see a doctor tomorrow if not better... I miss my mom rubbing Vicks Vapor rub on me when I had a chest cold as a child.

            I did absolutely nothing today and never left the house. I even asked Michael Romero to come and get Coco. I was in bed by 7:30 this evening.

 

12 December 2019 Thursday

Vicks Vapor Rub must be a magical potion. I found an old jar probably 20 years old up in my medicine closet. Rub it on my chest and finally had a fairly restful sleep. I was up to carry Coco up the stairs. She can go down okay but not up.

Felt well enough to get out of the house this morning and do some shopping before the drizzling rains came. I mainly bought food and treats for the dogs and picked up some Calcium with Vitamin D in it as my doctor suggested I do. At the house I made some chili, some pinto beans, and some corn bread for the cold weekend that's coming but was too tired to eat much.

 I slept for about 12 hours last night but felt like having a nap all day. I watched Martin Scorsese’s The Irishman a reputed account of the Mob’s hit on Jimmy Hoffa. It was entertaining but I really don’t care for Scorsese’s Crime Family movies. It’s always trying to get us to relate to these sociopaths as they are just business men with families.

            I did give the pups a ride when I took Coco home. I needed to get out of the house. This illness is giving me cabin fever. Just watched Simpsons Reruns on the Disney channel until I went to bed but was woken by lightning and thunder and a strong down pour of sleet and hail. It must have lasted 10 minutes or more.

When I head Kyle Foote come in I got up and we visited a little. He had issues with his Trigonometry Proctored Test  but finished it and now he is done with all his finals. He went out to dinner with his sister Jamie Fultz but told her he wasn’t ready to do the Christmas get together with his siblings.

            After that I went to bed and had such a bad coughing spasm I thought I would throw up. 

The person in the Executive Office is clearly compromised by Putin if he supports Russia over the FBI. It amazes me how totalitarian conservatives try to deflect trump's crimes by saying the Clintons were far worse as if the logic is if someone commits a crime far greater than yours somehow you are exonerated... amoral trump is only supported by people who share the same supremacist values or wish to hold on to power by any means.

 

13 December 2019 Friday

Felt sick all day.

14 December 2019 Saturday

I had a very fitful sleep up much of the night with a dry cough again. I am sick of cough medicine. Kyle Foote left to go into work this morning and I felt strong enough to actually do some house cleaning that I had put off for the time I was feeling down. I stripped my bed finally and changed sheets as well as did several loads of laundry. It had snowed over night just enough to cover the ground but not very much and soon melted as the day progressed.

            While downstairs I cleaned up the laundry area where Kyle had dumped all his stuff and hadn’t put stuff away. I could hardly make it through the clutter.  I also mopped up all the pee spots that I hadn’t gotten too and vacuumed.  I threw out an area rug from the bedroom where one of the pups had soiled because I didn’t feel like cleaning it. Oh well. I had bought so many small bathroom rugs when Harleigh was alive that I have more than enough for floor covering.

            I went out in the afternoon to Sutherlands to buy a light bulb for my scented wax lamp and while there I saw that they had blue jeans on sale for $7.77 so I bought a pair. I bought a waist 38 which might be too loose but for that price I could always buy another one.

            Kyle came home around 5:00 and we visited a little. I think that I was a little jealous that he didn’t spend more time with me but I’ve got to nip that feeling in the bud. It is what it is. I watched several movies tonight “Topper Returns” with Joan Blondell as the ghost, and a colorized version of It’s a Wonderful Life.  Kyle went out about 9 to hook up with someone and I went to bed about 10 o’clock with my pups to keep me company.

It was never Christmas at the Williamses when I was a child without a bowl of ribbon candy out... can you even buy it anymore? Mom used to make divinity and fudge with walnuts... I wonder if anyone makes homemade candy anymore? I loved my Grandma William's fudge the best. The last time I was with her she was nibbling on a piece. She died a few weeks later and in her refrigerated was fudge left over from Christmas. I ate some to remember her forever. Ghosts of Christmases past

 

15 December 2019 Sunday

Kyle Foote was out all night. I suppose making up for lost time being in prison. I don’t blame him at all but I have to admit I am having pangs of jealousy. I am not sure of what. Old feelings? Lost youthful lust? I woke up early but went back to bed and slept in until nearly 7. I didn’t have a coughing fit like I did yesterday night and for that I am grateful.

            When he came home he wanted me to go with him grocery shopping so we went up to the Wal-Mart in Centerville. It is hard to know what to shop for because he rarely eats at home and I eat so little.  He did buy himself a Smart TV for the downstairs bedroom that had Roku built in and a wall mount.

            I went off to the Pride Center for the first time in months because Roy Zang asked me to attend. Owen Edwards resigned as chair and left the Oral history project so Roy was elected chair for the coming year. I said I would serve on his Pride Day Committee and would serve as an Emeritus helping with providing information and data from my files. Terry Gilman said he’d continue as record keeper and Connell O’Donovan agreed to carry on with what he’s doing. A 71 year old transwoman named Kelsey Thompson agreed to head a committee to gather information on the trans community. Daniel Cureton wasn’t at the meeting although I had lots of photos that Mark Swonson had given me of early Pride Days and other events he had attended about 20 years ago.  Kristi Hebert I think is limiting her involvement right now overwhelmed with school and her kids.

            I was home by 3:00 after taking the FIT through the carwash to get road grime off it.  Kyle was out with his boyfriend Danny Montoya, this flight attendant he’s become involved with so I just rested and watched some TV.  I became concerned about TJ when he began yelping when he was touched in the late afternoon which steadily became worse. He was agitated and restless and seemed to be in some kind of discomfort although I couldn’t see anything physically wrong with him.

            I was tired and went to bed early around 8 when Kyle came home and wanted me to meet Danny finally. He also needed passwords to set up his TV. Danny seemed like a young typical Millennial sporting some tattoos and very comfortable being Gay. I’d say he’s in his late 20’s or early 30’s and a native of Las Vegas.  After getting his TV set up I said goodnight and tried to go back to bed but TJ was crying most of the night that kept me up and worried.

 

16 December 2019 Monday

            I only got about 5 hours of sleep with TJ keeping me up for much of the night.  I never saw Kyle Foote today as he left before I got up and he came home after 9 when I went to bed.

            I called this morning for an appointment for the TJ this morning. It was at 2 in the afternoon. There the vet said TJ is a medical mess with needing teeth extractions and probably future surgery on his knee joints. I have him on some pain medicine and some injections to help with his joints. I will see how that goes. He seems to be so much better today. He’s eating and drinking and getting around so I know he’s not suffering like last night.  I spent $250 for the examination and medicine for him today. I am spending my Christmas paying vet bills... but he and Coco are worth it.

However I needed to find a less expensive vet. I was shocked when the estimation for TJ’s teeth extractions was over $1000! I even asked why it was so expensive when I was thinking more like $500.  If it’s $1000 for teeth I imagine surgery would be through the roof so I have to shop around.

Rich Butler gave me the name of his dog’s vet who he said was reasonable so at home I made an appt for 9 in the morning for January 28 at Brookside so hopefully it won’t be an arm and a leg. He’s eating and alert and doesn’t seem to be really suffering. I have to give him injections twice a week which I know he won’t like on Monday and Friday.

TJ weighed in at 8 pounds 3 ounces and the vet said he was overweight by 2 pounds. So I decided to try and put all the pups on a diet. I took out the meat grinder and ground up a roast as well as some chicken breasts to feed them their supper. I added some cooked rice and pinto beans and fed the bigger dogs a cup each and TJ and Taco ¾ a cup.  I think the ground meat will be easier on the pups whose teeth are not all that good like Buster and TJ as well as it easier to make the right proportions.

I watched several episodes of Season 2 of the Simpsons on the Disney Channel for something mindless before falling asleep near 9 so I went to bed. I heard the garage door open after I was already in bed so that’s how I knew Kyle came home.

The weather was cool today but no snow or haze but I didn’t really go out to enjoy much of the sunshine.

            In the news Ben McAdams said he’d vote for impeachment after reviewing the evidence.

 

17 December 2019 Tuesday

I had a bad coughing fit about 3 in the morning like I was choking on my own phlegm. I cough so hard I thought I’d throw up but after taking some Nite Quyll it settled down.  Kyle Foote texted me that Danny Montoya was still down stairs after Kyle had left. He'll be leaving to the airport later.

I went into town to Whole Foods to return to Amazon the power cord that didn’t fit, then shopping at Sprouts for some Protein Powder because my nutritionist said I wasn’t getting enough protein in my diet. From there went to the Smiths on 9^th West and 9^th South to buy a little groceries.

At 2:30 I took Kyle’s boyfriend to the airport to catch a ride back home to Las Vegas. He smokes but other than that he seems nice. In the late afternoon I made some Rice Krispie treats and 4 loaves of mini banana bread. I made them sugar fee with Splenda so that Bill Poore can have some.

He called this afternoon and said that his doctor said the nodule in his lung had shrunk so it can’t be cancer which is what he really feared. So relieved for him. I said I would pick him up tomorrow to take him to the Men’s Sack Lunch and then go to lunch. I haven’t seen him in a while between the both of us not feeling well.

I didn’t want to sit home tonight waiting for Kyle to come in. I felt that it was healthier if I got out rather than depend on him for meeting my companionship needs. So I left to go to the Pride Center for the Tuesday Night Men’s Group because I hadn’t been in a while. It was a very small group and different people from the last time I went all except for about 3 people I knew everyone, Paul Milne, Bill Blevin and Doug Taylor, Ked, and Dwight Wood. We talked about what we liked and dreaded about the holidays. Most had a feeling of being reminded that they are alone.

When I came home by 9 at night, Kyle wanted to show me his grades for the past semester. He got all A’s except for one B so he was thrilled and proud. I hugged him and said he should be.

            Alan Anderson texted and asked me to watch Corky and Bhanni this Friday until Tuesday. I said I would but really don’t want to. They are such a mess.

 

18 December 2019 Wednesday

It was an adventuresome day after being lethargic with a chest cold the past 2 weeks. Early this morning I made several mini loaves of fruit cakes. I don’t like most candied fruit so I just put in candied cherries, dates, and pecans. Yesterday I made rice Krispie treats and 4 loaves of sugar free banana bread to give some to Bill Poore.

After morning baking, I went to the Roseman Dental school where I had an appointment for a cleaning and evaluation. It didn’t cost me anything, which was a surprise as I thought I'd have to pay something. My next appointment is for January 8^th at 9 in the morning.

At 11:30 afterward, I went and picked up Bill Poore. We went to the Pride Center for the noon sack lunch but there weren’t many of us there just about 5 of us so we left after a while.  I brought Robert Moolman and Katie Webinger a loaf of fruits cake each. I actually brought a bunch down to hand out to TJ and Jim, and Charles and Richard but they never showed so took them back home to freeze for later. I did share rice Krispies at the men’s group that 2 guys really enjoyed.

Bill and I then went to Charlie Chows down town for lunch. I ordered just 3 spring rolls and a cup of Hot and Sour Soup that really hit the spot. Bill just had pot stickers and a cup of soup. That was plenty for old guys like us. He did order a lunch special of beef and broccoli to go for his supper later.

Bill wanted to go for a drive as he hadn’t felt up to being out for a while so we drove around the city to see all the construction going up. I showed him where Jim Dabakis lives and Michael Aarons place after drive the loop around City Creek Canyon. Then we even went up to the University of Utah. We were nostalgic so we stopped and walked around the Union Building. I am sure I haven’t been in the place in 20 years. I was the manager of the Huddle, which was the food grill in the Student Union food court in 1977. I also worked as a cook some in the Panorama Room on the 4th floor that is now called Crimson View. That is where I met Fran who was a waitress there in 1976. It seemed strange that Orson Spencer Hall was gone and replaced with another building. So many memories, good and bad, of that place. So it was a nice day to get out, drive around and add to the valley inversion.

 At home I returned Connell O’Donovan’s call from this morning while I was at the dentist. He wanted to share the conversation he had with Claudia Loayza, Utah Division of Multicultural Affairs and Special Projects and Community Engagement Coordinator. She wanted help with a Multicultural Story mapping Project.  Paula Espinoza the Pride Center’s Community Programs Manager asked Connell and me for help at last Sunday’s Queer Historical Society Meeting.

When I called Connell back, he said he was upset that the state history people just wanted information on organizations of Queer People of Color organizations. He told Claudia that it was homophobic not to include all queer people. I was under the impression they wanted stories of individuals not organizations. They seem to think there was a whole group of People of Color Gay Organizations that just weren’t being recognized. That isn’t the reality. There were many black and Latino community members who worked within the general community but there wasn’t generally a separate community. They didn't want individual stories but just organizations which there weren’t any. I felt like they are trying to rewrite history so again white gay men are being excluded instead of being thanked for building organizations that were inclusive. I said that this revisionist history is one of the reasons I am reluctant to become so involved and am still mad that Joni Weiss called us liars saying that we were not going to cover Trans history, so we aren't going to help them. They have this new construct that everything was done by women of color, trans and cis, building Utah’s Gay community.

Kyle Foote called and said that there was a great deal at this store in Bountiful called Duerdens on a dish washer. So when he came home we went back up to Bountiful to the store that was right north of my old school of Washington Elementary that is being torn down. So I bought a $1200 dishwasher for $550 tonight through the diligence of Kyle. He will install it later. It probably will be a better washer than I deserve lol. I also met Kyle’s boss Nathan Vandersteen who was there also to confer with him about a project they are working on.

When we finally came home I fixed us a steak, a baked potato, and peas for our supper. It was the first time we ate together in a while because he’s always on the go.

            I am feeling a bit better but am now coughing up the phlegm that had been down in my chest.

Chuck Whyte said that soon he will start the process of having bariatric surgery. I told his to try and get his doctor to recommend Dr. Volkmann who did mine. He also said he  didn't know that Kyle was released, that he looks good, and he wish him the best in his new beginning.

            Dan Fahndrich also sent me a message saying, “Soooo Is Kyle is out of jail and living with you ?” Dan was one of the people that Kyle had defrauded. I had kept it kind of secret that I was friends with Kyle from Amy Barry and him because I didn’t want their judgments. I wrote him back, “After 8 years .... he’s got a good job and truly believe he has turned his life around and I know he's remorseful for his past conduct... I saw him through his 8 years of incarceration visiting and writing him. I've seen his desire to change who he was... having a place to live helped with his parole and rehabilitation.. the last 6 months he was at a half way house... I see a chance for him to redeem himself and do restitution.”

Dan responded “good to know.  Fingers are crossed.”  I then added, “8 years of his life is gone... he’s a changed man... 40 year old is not the same as 30 year old and I know prison was a real wake up call to think about harm he did to people who trusted him...”

The big news of the day was that the House of Representatives voted to impeach Trump on two accounts. It was sickening listening to Republican sycophants trying to defend him.  The more I hear Republicans defend Trump at all cost it makes me wonder how much Russian Mafia money is being funnel to them.... come on,  comparing trump’s impeachment to Pearl Harbor and  to the Lord's crucifixion? They all truly made Trump their Golden Calf idol.

            McAdams voted for impeachment but Bishop, Stewart, and Curtis were against. People like Utah’s Republicans who have fake patriotism, like trump has, would rather defend him than the constitution. No morals, compassion, or decency left in the Republican supporters of trump; the so called reality tv adulterous porn star loving President who sees nothing wrong with caging children, stealing from charities, or owning fraudulent businesses.

I agree with Madam Speaker Pelosi not to send articles of impeachment to the Senate until they agreed to call witnesses and have a fair trial. 

 

19 December 2019 Thursday

            I didn’t do much today. I am still coughing up phlegm out of my lungs. I put on a pork roast in the crock pot but had chili hot dogs for lunch. I have been revising my 2014 journal, cleaning it up more or less. Five years ago I had Buddy, Daisy, and Lucky only. They are all gone now. I wrote a lot of letters to Kyle Foote who was still in prison and now he’s home living here again.

            I am meeting with this woman Karra Porter, of the Utah Cold Case Coalition about unsolved murder victims that they are looking in to. I said I would meet her Monday at the Pride Center at 1 with what I have on Tony Adams (1978), Douglas Ray Coleman (Nov. 30, 1978), Kerry Arbon, 9/11/91, Mona Ulibarri, found 4-29-1979, James William Skeel, 9/23/1982, Jerry Leon Campbell, 11/13/1990, and Spence Mendenhall, 10/23/1966. She said they have reports on a few of these cases, but a lot of the most useful information came  from my posts. 

 

20 December 2019 Friday

I saw Kyle Foote off this morning as he went on a job site to demolish a deck roof. I then just worked on the computer and           rested some. I am better than I was but still am hacking up phlegm so I have a lot of gunk down in my lungs.

            Alan Anderson and Kyle Daniels came by about 3 in the afternoon to drop off Corky and Bhannie. They are going down to Palm Springs and Kyle D said he would be back on Tuesday in the morning. I hope.

            When Michael Romero came by I wanted to have him help me give a shot to TJ but we ended going down to the Dog Park for them to do it. I didn’t want to traumatize him. Coco is doing so much better and is actually coming up the stairs now on her own.

            The Pride Center has some new staff that I don’t know. Amanda Darrow is  Director of Youth and Family Programs. I think she replaced Jimmy Lee.  Deb Hall is now the Director of Adult Programming as well as still directing SAGE. Hillary McDaniel is still the Director of Community Events over the Pride Festival as well as Genderevolution, the Halloween party, Pride Days events and much more.  Paula Espinoza who attended our Queer Historical Society Meeting last Sunday is an interim Community Programs Manager and has been involved in leadership at the Pride Center in the People of Color and Allies group. 

Katie Webinger and her family will be moving to Tennessee at the end of the month.  Katie has been the Front Office Manager at the Center for a long time. 

Interesting that almost all the key positions and staff at the Pride Center except Robert Moolman are women.

 

21 December 2019 Saturday

The Winter Solstice began today ushering in Yuletide.  I got about 3 hours of sleep last night...insomnia...old age crap with getting up and peeing all night and six dogs juxtaposing for the best position in bed. One of my issues was that my stomach was hurting just enough to be uncomfortable. It gets this occasionally from the Bariatric surgery. I finally gave in and got up at 3 in the morning and typed on the computer until about 4 before trying to get back to sleep. But on the bright side it's the beginning of Yuletide and the northern hemisphere is returning to the light.

            There was no chance of me sleeping in so I was up by 6:30 to start the day but I was kind of a mess. Kyle Foote wanted to install the GE Dishwasher this morning so I cleaned out the old one. When he started taking it out, we found a missing knife, a pair of reading glasses and a dead mouse underneath with lots of droppings. So I scrubbed and cleaned the floor up before putting in the new one.

            I helped carried down the old machine and back up the steps the new one. I didn’t have a stroke so that is good. There wasn’t much I could do but assist handing Kyle the right tools. I think it took longer than he anticipated for it took all morning to install and he still has to do something more before I can use it.

            We were running out of time because Kyle’s boyfriend Danny Montoya was flying in from Vegas at 3 and we had to go make a dump run as well as go to Wal-Mart.  We loaded the old commodes, the dishwasher, and some other discarded lumber from the wall I tore out last summer beneath the deck. It was a pile. We made it to the dump about 12:30 in the afternoon and then Kyle wanted to go to the Wal-Mart in West Valley down the street. I knew that would be a big mistake time wise but didn’t say anything. I wasn’t feeling well anyway. Kind of nauseous.

            The parking lot must have had hundreds and hundreds of car, I guess people doing last minute Christmas shopping the Saturday before the big day. Inside the place was packed and this store has the narrowest aisles. You could hardly get two carts down each. Kyle wanted to buy some electrical tape, an antenna receiver for his TV downstairs, some lamp shades, as well as some shelving. We found everything but the shelving and didn’t look anymore because of the time. I also bought a better antenna for the TV upstairs. As crowded as it was we got through the check put line relatively fast and after stopping at Culvers for a hamburger we were home by 2 so Kyle could get ready for Danny to stay overnight.

            I was so exhausted that I went and laid down for a nap until 6 then got up and typed some more revising my 2014 journal. I should have been working on the cold case files for Karra Porter but I didn’t.

            It was a nice day, kind of hazy for all the running around we did today.  Well I have a new dishwasher and two new toilets this month. I guess they are my Christmas presents to me.

            Bill Poore asked if I would take him to Layton tomorrow to see his brother and sister in law and of course I said I would.

 

22 December 2019 Sunday

I had a nice afternoon with Bill Poore, taking him to see his brother and sister in law in Layton. He had Christmas gifts he wanted to give to them and their kids. Before going he wanted to spend some time visiting with the dogs and bring them treats. He also brought me a nice lap afghan and a $50 gift card to Macy’s that I eventually gave to Kyle because I am never going to go shopping there. Coming back to the city we went to Denny’s on Redwood and North Temple for a cup of soup and Bill ordered breakfast.

            Kyle Foote spent most of the day with Danny Montoya shut up in his room downstairs.

 

23 December 2019 Monday

When I was downstairs doing some laundry  this morning I heard a crash and back up stairs I found that Corky had knocked my plate of waffles on the floor and was crying because the plate landed upside down....

I can’t believe I am still coughing up crap out of my lungs. Kyle Foote had to go into work today but will be off tomorrow and Christmas. Danny Montoya is going with us to T.J. Otaka and Jim McMullin for Christmas Dinner. He spent the night with Kyle.

            I have to admit that I have twinges of jealousy as for the past six months I basically had Kyle to myself, actually for the past 8 years and now I am sharing his affection with a young nice looking sex partner. I know I am nothing more than a family figure to Kyle and I don’t know if I really would want it to be anything else but him and Danny spending so much time together kind of makes me miss having some affection of my own.

            I had to be down at the Pride Center to meet with Karra Porter of the Cold Case Coalition to share some information I had on Tony Adams and Kerry Arbon and a few others. We talked for about 2 hours and I said I would send her some more information I had in my files via email.

            I was glad to be down at the Center because it was Katie Webinger’s last day before she and her family move off to Tennessee. I was glad to see Robert Moolman there too who was showing folks around and especially the Queer Ancestry Room. Robert Moolman was sporting a pink lavender pull over sweater and .I said, "can you be even more Gay?" Ha. He said yes.

            I went grocery shopping for food for the pups and also took TJ down to the vet for his 3^rd shot.  I fixed ground turkey and barley for the hound dogs supper.

            Kyle is spending the evening with Danny so I think that is why I am a little melancholy but it is what it is.

 

24 December 2019 Tuesday

            I couldn’t sleep tossing and turning so I was up to finish typing up my 2014 journey and sending it off my email to Daniel Cureton. I wrote him “I am going to send you my journal from 2014. It's not for publication anytime soon. Maybe after I am dead but I want you to have it as an archivist because I trust your integrity. It was a turbulent year as the Pride Center was on transition, Marriage Equality was not a done deal, and there was a change in the perception of who transgender people are within myself and others of my generation as Bisexual and Transgender issues replaced Gay and Lesbian issues and straight allies began to run things.

 Certainly was a time of changing of the guard.  There are too many perceptions of people mentioned in the journal right or wrong as this year was like my last hurrah as a player in the community.   You can put this in a cloud or print it out for future references for people who will be interested in some of the back stories of the community events and personalities.”

            He wrote back: Ok, thank you for that trust! I will keep it safe till as such time when we can publish it. Perhaps you can leave some notes as to when you think you would want it released and we'll do it then.”

Kyle Daniels came over at 9 to retrieve Corky and Bhanie. He’s heading to Idaho to spend Christmas with his folks while Alan Anderson is down in California still spending time with his relatives. I am so glad those hyper pups are gone although they are sweet in their craziness. They just rile the rest of the pups up.

I didn’t see Kyle Foote any today. He left early with Danny Montoya without saying goodbye. I was so hurt being alone that I took down most of the Christmas stuff... I don’t need to be reminded of Christmases past or that I am spending Christmas Eve alone.

            I wanted to get some poinsettias from Sutherlands I saw the other day for TJ Otaka and Jim McMillan that were huge and on sell for $5. However when I got there I was pleasantly surprised that they were just giving them away for free today since they are closed tomorrow and Sutherlands wanted to get rid of them. So I took two. They said Merry Christmas as I went out the door with my beautiful potted poinsettias.

            I then went to Smiths on 9^th West to get some meat for the dogs and a bit of groceries and man was it crowded with shoppers but I was in no hurry to be anywhere. I also dropped off several pair of blue jeans at Deseret Industries that were sizes 38 and too big for me anymore. I also got rid of the doggie steps I bought for the pups when I had the high captain bed.

            I bought a Hawaiian Pizza at Papa Murphy’s because  it was their $10 Tuesday thinking that Kyle and Danny might be home to share but they never were.

I don’t know why I thought Kyle Foote would spend some of Christmas Eve with me. There’s no fool like an old fool. He spent the entire day either with Danny Montoya or someplace else. I get that but still, I thought I was family. I guess not.  But it’s his first Christmas out of prison and who am I? Just the person who stood by him for 8 years and have tried to make his transition back to civilian life easier. I guess I am not needed now.  I am spending another Christmas Eve alone.

            It’s after 7 in the evening and Kyle is home but can find some time to spend Christmas eve with me. I could spend 4 hours driving back and forth to Gunnison and spend weekends going to see him at Lone Peak but he doesn’t evidently think I might want a little attention and affection from him.

            I need to get my head on straight about that boy.

I am watched some of my Christmas programs with pups in my lap. My favorites are Albert Finney's Scrooge, Christmas Vacation, Charlie Browns Christmas, and Boris Karloff's Grinch... for all of you spending the holidays alone or not feeling well...I wish you peace and …

I was so miserable that I sent this message to Bill Poore: “It’s raining here and I am kind of melancholy from the boy not spending a minute of his day with me on Christmas Eve... I don't know what I was expecting... an old fashion Christmas ... Such an old fool...  at least Corky and Bhani are gone and it's just my crew.”

He replied: “ I am sorry about that boy, but you just can’t put any expectations on him even Christmas Eve.  I am alone, and no puppies to keep me comfortable....and I am fine...You just got to know even though you are giving him free rent you can’t expect anything in return...I told you he is an anti social...they just don't get it...raining here.  What are you doing tomorrow?”

I wrote back, “I am starting to understand that... going out to TJ and Jim's with Mike... you are right about not having any expectations.”  He then wrote “Remember feelings are not facts, just feelings, you can change them at any time....you can turn depression into positive just by doing it.

I wrote on Face Book “Kind of melancholy this Christmas Eve ... at least I have my pups ... that's more than some people have... it's raining.” My posting must have struck a nerve because I had several people responding with comments.

Jon Michael who fostered my Schnauzer Lucky before I adopted him wrote; “You have the love, admiration and respect of the entire community! I have never once, heard a bad word against you. Merry Christmas darling, Happy New year too.”  I responded saying, “Jon Michael you’re sweet... and not listening very well LOL” and Bill Poore says, “yeah I can give him a few names that will have some things to say about you...hehehehe.”

Then my cousin Barbara Danforth Nadsady wrote: “I’m sitting in my room with my pups, drinking wine. Sometimes you’re alone even with family. One daughter coming at 11 tonight, the other tomorrow. When new people come into the family, traditions sometimes go by the wayside. I’m sad and miss the days when my family all got together on Christmas Eve. Can’t wait for Thursday when I can pack up my clothes and take off in my van.”

I wrote back, “I hear you... sometimes the holidays just remind you of all the ones who are gone and we’re not fitting in with the new... we were lucky to have such good people to leave us so many memories... my dad died on the 26th... have a safe journey... on the road again... tell Merry Christmas to my Danforth kin.”

Barbara responded, “I loved your mom and dad and have fond memories. They, and my parents and grandparents were never alone on holidays. Times have changed. Merry Christmas to you, Ben. And your pups too. I wish I could have some of your biscuits and gravy tomorrow morning. I’ll think of you when I take a big bite with a lot of pepper on it. Yummy..”

My other cousins, Kay Johnson Campbell wrote: “Love you!” And Christ Johnson and his wife Dana Hays Jonson wished me a Merry Christmas.

Ron Johnson, a Community activist was more reflective about  Christmas. He wrote: Ben, in their honor, I lit a candle for each of my dearly departed family members and friends on Christmas Eve. Before long, there were candles in every window, on each table or countertop. It was comforting to reflect back on the good times had with all those fine folks. I have many more people on the "other side" than I have here anymore. A sad reality of growing older.

At midnight, I was also given a stark reminder about how comfortable I have it. There was suddenly a man on the sidewalk out front of my house screaming at the top of his lungs. He was verbalizing his frustration about how festive and inviting my house looks while he's standing out in the freezing cold getting soaking wet in the rain.

My first instinct was to invite him in for some hot chocolate as well as some time to dry off and thaw out. But who knows if his anger could be homicidal or if he was on mind-altering drugs or impaired by too much alcohol at the time. He appeared to be angry with the world.

All I felt comfortable doing was to send him good thoughts for comfort and healing. Considering the holiday, that's not very Christ like behavior on my part. I hope he made it to a safe place for the night.”  I wrote him back and said, “You did right... so many people are on drugs that it's hard to be as kind as it is in our nature... yes the entire generation that raised me is gone... at Christmas their absence is felt more keenly.”

 

25 December 2019 Wednesday

All I wanted for Christmas was for Kyle Foote to treat me like family and show me a little affection. Was a hug too much to ask for? I guess he would rather spend his time with someone he’s only known for two weeks than me who has cared for him for 9 years.

I didn’t want to see him this morning and was up early and took down the Christmas Tree and finished sending all my journal entries from 2014 to Daniel Cureton. I was dreading going with Kyle over to T.J.’s  and even thought about saying I was sick.

            I was not having a merry morning until about 9 when Kyle Foote then came up to wish me Merry Christmas and I said, “is it?” And kind of ignored him but then we had a heart to heart when he knew something was wrong. I told him how I was feeling ignored on Christmas Eve. He said he felt bad as that we were so different about how we think of things and he said he was sorry because he didn’t even think of Christmas Eve as any more than a shopping and errand day. I said that I thought we were family and I was feeling left out and spending Christmas Eve alone when it was more special to me than Christmas Day.

He came to me and said he loved me and he hugged me, and I cried a little. I am so sentimental in my old age and I took offense when none was intended. He gave me lots of long hugs and that meant the world to me. It’s all I really wanted for Christmas was for him to show that I mean something to him and give me some affection.

Kyle explained that yesterday he had just been running around with Danny Montoya, Christmas shopping, meeting his sister Jamie Fultz for dinner, and then going out to a movie with Danny. He didn’t think Christmas Eve was all that special while I said that for me Christmas Eve always meant more than Christmas Day.

So going from being moody and depressed, I went into the front room where he had a couple of presents for me, a rainbow knitted cap that said “Gay AF” which I take it to mean Gay As Fuck, and a mailbox which I know we needed. He also gave a bunch of doggy treats in the shape of candy canes to the pups which they went to town on. So I mellowed and my harden heart melted again.

Danny Montoya even came up to the living room and visited with me so I felt included again. When Danny came up from downstairs we all visited some before he had to go spend some time with his family who are up from Las Vegas to spend Christmas with his sick baby niece. I shared with him about New Mexican history because New Mexico was his ancestral home like Mike Romero.

So from being in a dark depression this morning I wrote on Face book, “Merry Christmas all... I hope Santa, Father Christmas , and Yule were good to you. Kyle gave me this hat because I wasn’t Gay enough and a mailbox...my new dishwasher is my Xmas gift to me but thank God Kyle was here to install it or it would have been an expensive paper weight.”

            So in the afternoon, when Danny returned from his spending Christmas morning with his family who were up from Las Vegas, Kyle drove us over to Mike’s to pick up him and Coco to take us out to Daybreak where we arrived at 1. It was snowing down south.

I had a delightful Christmas dinner courtesy of T.J. Otaka and Jim McMullin at their festive townhouse in Daybreak. We had good food, good conversation, with good friends. What more can you ask for? Kyle brought them some wine, and I brought a lemon blueberry Bundt cake and some potted poinsettias.

Great minds think a like that because TJ made a dark chocolate Bundt cake as well as Christmas ham, yams, corn, asparagus, a salad, and rolls. I wish I could have eaten more...

It even snowed down in Daybreak so we kind of had a white Christmas... I hope everyone had a relaxing, stress free, and pleasant day.

We left about 3:30 and Michael went home and Kyle, Danny, and I went back to the house. They spent the rest of the evening downstairs together and I watched A Charlie Brown Christmas before heading to bed.

My niece Denise sent me some pictures of Charline’s family spending Christmas at Denise’s place. She said that Dennis didn’t come because he was not feeling well and Charline was concerned about his failing health. James and his family were there as well as Denise’s son Nathan. Only Michael Wachs was not there as he’s still living in Kansas.

What a roller coaster of emotions today. No wonder I hate the holidays.

 

26 December 2019 Thursday

Danny Montoya left this morning to go back to Las Vegas and to work. I hope he had a nice Christmas spending it here in Salt Lake with Kyle Foote and me. I woke up early at 5 so just decided to get up and start the day. How times have changed when I would have thought it was crucifying to be up this early.

            Bill Poore and I went out for lunch and since he didn’t want Chinese we just went to Village Inn on 4^th South and 9^th East. I’ve eaten there for at least 40 years and so has Bill. I am glad we went not because I was hungry or that the food is wonderful but there was a man named Dr. Zane Johnson, a theater professor from the University of Utah who came and sat with us.

Bill and he had worked together for nearly 10 years and they had a good time catching up and reminiscing. Dr. Johnson said the Theater department has moved into the old Law School Building and he smiled when I said Ted Bundy’s old hangout. He seemed like a genuinely good man and I could tell he really admired Bill and the work they did together at the U.

As much as I can listen to Bill’s stories about his days as an adjunct professor in the drama department at the U, how much more rewarding it must be to actual visit with someone from those days who actually knew your work and talent. I am glad Bill didn’t feel like Chinese for his sake so it must have been a nice after Christmas surprise for him.

            When I took Coco home, Mike Romero gave me a blue ray DVD player he doesn’t use anymore so I could play DVRs that are copies and not originals. He also gave a bunch of car fresheners for Kyle and me.

            When Kyle came home we sat in the front room and visited as he was depressed about his job situation with Nate Vandersteen. He doesn’t think it’s working out the way he hoped as he was kind of misinformed how established that business was and Kyle isn’t doing what he thought he was hired for. I let him use me as a sounding board as he talked about his options. Even though he was discouraged I had to remind him that he’s only been away from Fortitude less than three weeks and he’s in a good position.

            He made the Honor Roll for Indiana State with all A’s in Calculus, Algebra, and Trigonometry. He’s accept into Weber State. He’s going to get tools from Occupation Rehabilitation for work. He has a new vehicle and a warm place to live  and lots of future possibilities.

            We even talked a little about my emotional melt down and how I had put sentimental expectations on him and that we have only lived together 3 weeks also so we are adjusting to each other too. We had a good heart to heart and he hugged me before going to bed. That is all I wanted. A little affection and not being ignored.

            I joined Silver Daddies a dating site for older men and those admirers today. I am not sure why. I think sex is a lot like food for me these days. I still think I have an appetite but in reality I’m not all that hungry. However several men contacted me, mostly out of state. Do I really want to go down that path again? I am not sure I can handle a real relationship again and become vulnerable but a cuddle buddy once in a while for intimacy might be nice.        

 

27 December 2019 Friday

It was a fairly uneventful day until this evening. Before going to bed I thought I better check whether the Utah Stonewall Historical Society had a space reserved for us in January since the 1^st Wednesday is New Years Day and the center will be closed. I didn’t see that we did so I requested a room for January 8^th. ‘

            This is the response I received, “Hi Ben, Katie has moved on (to Tennessee). I am going through the bookings and I am sorry to discover that Pride Festival Planning has the Marquart room booked every Wednesday evening from 5pm-9pm through May. Also, there isn't another room available.  I don't know if Katie or anyone else already contacted you about this? Please let me know what you want to do? I am copying Brandon on this in case he has better information than I have, and who could explain why Pride Planning gets priority over everything else here (that's what my understanding is). All the Best!”

I wrote her back, “Katie said that she had scheduled my class for the next 6 months... I have had that 1st Wednesday for almost 2 years... I will talk to Robert since he promised me that time when the center first opened... the Queer Historical Society also had the 3rd Wednesday also... the Queer Historical society is a project of the center too and should not have been bumped.”

            I was furious and sent off an email to Robert Moolman saying, “Joni Weiss just informed me that both the Utah Stonewall Historical Society and the Utah Queer Historical Society have been bumped from their Wednesday time slots for Pride Day meetings... this is not right nor acceptable...Katie before she left assured me that the Stonewall Hist Soc dates had been confirmed... can you find out why we were bumped with no warning when we have had those time slots for over a year...Thanks Ben.”

            Robert was prompt and wrote back: “I will make sure it is corrected. That is not acceptable and I love me some Historians!!!”

            I responded by saying, “Thank you...I know that with Katie leaving there's a mix up but she assured me last October that she had scheduled for me the time slot for the Lecture Series and I know the Queer Oratories is scheduled for the 3rd Wednesdays. It just seemed strange that they would not have checked what ongoing organizations had been consistently using those 2 days. I can cancel the January one because the 1st Wednesday is Jan 1st but I know people are expecting the 1st and 3rd Wednesday to be history nights. I hope you had a wonderful Holiday and I will have to bake you a treat for helping us poor historians.  Love Ben.”

            I also contacted Roy Zang who is now the Chair of the Historical Society about them being bumped by the Pride Center. I was so upset when I heard the Pride Committee had arbitrarily bumped the groups that use the room without any warning that I was ready to just bail on Pride Day if they had so little regard for the history organizations.  How unprofessional to not even contact Stonewall HS or the Queer HS.

            Roy posted: “I received an email from Rob last night it reads :  Hi there Roy, I just got that email from Ben as well. The room is available for you and I have sent an email to John and Hillary to see where that message is coming from. All is still good and the space is yours for the Oratory and Lecture series. Happy wishes for the New Year and hopefully we get to see you soon-Rob”

 

28 December 2019 Saturday

            The pups let me sleep in until nearly 7 this morning and Kyle Foote was up and about at 10:30. We talked a little and he said there is a possibility that he might be developing a lot over in Rose Park.

I went to the Blue Copper Coffee shop on 400 North and 3^rd West to meet Brad Hart who contacted me on Silver Daddies.  He is about 42 years old, kind of a hipster look with short hair and a long beard but rather handsome. He is a carpenter and plays in a band. We talked for about an hour and saw that we had a lot in common as he owns a house over by Fairgrounds, has a dog, and loves his yard.

I had to leave at 12:30 because I said I would go with Kyle looking as the lot and some houses in Rose Park, north of 10^th North. Afterwards we went to Chubby’s Mexican Restaurant which was the first time since he’s been out of Fortitude.

At home I sent Brad this message: “It was a pleasure meeting you today. I had a nice time. I'd like to see you again. I am retired so whenever it is convenient for you. It's good that we live in the same part of the city. I'd like to see your place, met your pup and show you mine. Take care. PS I think you are extremely handsome.’

Brad later wrote back and asked me to come over tomorrow at 3 and I said I would.

Michael Aaron sent me a disturbing email about David Nelson, “I have no permission to share this with you, but I think it is important that we know what our words do to others.” “From David Nelson: ...snip... knowing all this from the week added to my meltdowns today where, for the first time, I started hitting myself (back of neck and head; no injuries). I hate myself and have since my mom died. That is why Ben's commentary seemed more hateful than usual. He confirmed what I believe already.”

I was taken aback because I didn’t write any person attacks on him in my article on the demise of the Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats I wrote Michael Aaron back: “That is horrible. I really admire David and had promoted him for a Kristen Ries Award many times. Yes we disagreed on some issues but I hope he didn't see that article as an attack on his character. I've always promoted him as the first liaison to the Mayor office, wrote the anti-discrimination act for the county, and fought hard for civil rights. He pushed the envelope and that is why he made people nervous. I am sorry if he thought I was trying to disparage him and if you talk or see him please let him know I honor him for all he did when no one else would. He certainly is one of the pillars that our community was built upon.” Ben

Then Michael Aaron sent me more stuff that seemed to me like a rebuke when made me upset as he is the one that ultimately decided to print my article then blaming me for David’s reaction to it. Evidently I am blamed for David acting out on his mental illness.

I have written for Michael Aaron for 15 years. My Lambda Lore columns are no less than 1200 words. At 10 cents a word I should have been paid $120 and article and even at a nickel a word I should have been paid $60! Until 2009 I was writing 2 columns a month. So over that period I donated more than $20,000 to his paper and the community and all I ever got from him is a few measly free tickets to something and trinkets.  Well I think I am done with it all. The article on the demise of GLUD will be my last.

I haven’t seen Kyle Foote all evening so I just watched some TV before calling it a day.

I also got an email from Joni Weiss saying, “My apologies! I was looking at the wrong dates. I re-checked every Wednesday and Pride Planning is never an evening that you already have scheduled. Pride Planning is the 2nd and 4th Wednesday of each month through May. Sorry for the confusion!”  Well glad she apologized but she sure caused a lot of heartburn for nothing.

 

29 December 2019 Sunday

It’s chilly today. I went out grocery shopping and decided to make a meat loaf because I hadn’t in a while. When I left, I saw that Kyle Foote’s Rogue was gone so he must have went out and stayed all night with someone.

            I went over to see Brad Hart at 3. He lives at 150 North 1000 West across from the State Fairground. He has a 1910 red brick cottage that he had refurbished. It was really quaint with lots of wood work.

            At first I thought he was kind of standoffish or having second thoughts about me coming over but when we sat on the couch we started kissing and making out and all those doubts were lifted.  We didn’t do anything but make out. I wanted him to know I liked him and more than just for a quickie. I stayed for about two hours then came home to feed the pups.

            While I was away, in the late afternoon, Kyle wrote me, “I tried calling you a few times, but just checking in so you don't worry. Danny ended up on a charter flight to Provo airport last night instead of Albuquerque. So I've just been staying with him in his hotel in Provo. I'll stop by the house early tomorrow on my way to work though. Hope you're well..”

            I wrote him back, “I am glad you are able to be with Danny... thanks for letting me know so I don’t worry ... you know I do... say hi to him for me and be safe in the morning... traffic is a bitch coming out of Utah County in the morning.”

 

30 December 2019 Monday

I am making beef stew for tomorrow. I messengered Brad Hart: “If you are hungry when you come over I will have stew.”

I wonder if I am going too fast with him as I am may be starved for affection.

            I went to Caputo’s brought some rolls and grocery shopping at the Glendale Smith’s. I’m always buying discounted meat there for the pup’s supper. Then I worked on my 2013 Journal for most of the day and didn’t do much else.

            Kyle Foote drove up from Provo where he spent the night with Danny Montoya. He was transferred to Wendover and his company flew him into Provo. That is where Kyle was all day yesterday.

I wonder how many share this same sentiment? I live alone but its great company... I love having good friends though. It's fine to be alone as long as you are never lonely

I had joined an over 60's Gay men's group a while back and I left it because all the people there were posting how long they had been together, 20, 30 years, and it made me feel like there was something wrong with us who chose to be single or no longer had a partner or lost people during the AIDS crisis.

While I am really happy for those in a long term relationship, I think there's something to be said for being independent. I know in the 27 years I was in two relationships they were the least productive times of my life. I was so wrapped up in them that I wasn't able to be me. I enjoy my own space and the companionship of my friends, and sometimes lovers, and especially my pups.

 

31 December 2019 Tuesday

I cleaned the house this morning for Brad Hart to come over and I finished up cleaning up my 2013 journal to send off to Daniel Cureton.  I never left the house today except to take Coco home.

            I made some cranberry sweet bread this morning and then I made a Crockpot of Beef Stew for this evening.

            Danny Montoya was here most of the morning but stayed in Kyle Foote’s room so I didn’t really interact with him. Kyle was home early about 4:30 and I wished him Happy New Years and gave him a hug before taking Coco over to Mike Romero’s. I brought him some of the stew as well as some cranberry bread.

            I didn’t see Kyle or Danny for the rest of the evening.

            Brad Hart came over at 6:30 and I showed him around the house and fed him some beef stew and the Caputo Rolls I bought yesterday. The pups were on pretty good behavior around him.

            After eating we went into the movie room where I could shut the gate and door to keep the pups from disturbing us while we began to make out and explored each other’s bodies.  I loved the way his strong carpenter body felt and he said he found pleasure in mine. It seems like a miracle that I could find such a sweet boy that cared for how I looked and feel at my age. I call him a kid when he’s really 42 years old.

            We mainly hugged and kissed and I sucked on him and we just had a nice time getting to know one another. He said he was not interested in hook ups and that he found me very comforting.

            We were together for about 3 hours before he left to go home to be with his dog Nikki who would have been freaked out by the fireworks.

            I did not stay up to see the New Year ring in and only heard some fireworks go off.  So it was really amazing that this last day of the last month, of the last decade, I held and was held in the arms of a sweet sexy man at my age. We both want to see where this takes us. I think it really helps that we both have our own homes and spaces so we can enjoy each other but not crowd one another.

            It also seems strange to me that I asked Fran Fuchs to marry me on New Year Eve 1976, and on New Year’s Eve 1993 I went to Rock Springs to bring Michael Romero back home to Salt Lake City to live with me as lovers.

I sent Bradley Jim Hart a message saying, ‘Thank you for ending the year on a sweet note... have a wonderful New Year Day...

            So the year is over. I lost two beloved Schnauzers, Buddy and Harleigh this year but no human loved ones.

Kyle Foote is finally back home with me. I have my health except I still have a slight cough from whatever bug I caught at the beginning of the year.

Leaving the decade of the twenty teens is not nearly as dramatic for me as leaving the Sixties when 1969 ended. That will always be The Decade for me, my teen years.

 The 2020s are here...where’s my friggin flying car and robot maid?