Winter First Quarter Journal 2023 January- March President Biden 3rd Year

 

My Journal for the Year 2023 age 71-72 years old

JANUARY

1 January 2023 Sunday

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

Well, I closed up my 2022 journal which consisted of 290 pages and started a new one today. I have kept a journal since I was 16 years old starting in January 1968 with only 1969 and 1970 being the exceptions. Looking back at the beginning of 2022, it is interesting to see the person I was a year ago.

I am still able to live at 1633 Fernleaf Street here in Salt Lake with Kyle Foote downstairs who has had Adrian Villalobos living with him since last November 15. I am 71 and closer to 72 than 71. That seems surreal as I have been fairly healthy except, I am spending the first day of the year quarantined with a mild case of Covid19. My luck ran out of avoiding getting infected but at least I dodged the virus when it was killing people left and right.

Last year we had a long hot summer, one of the hottest ever recorded here in Utah and we had a severe drought but so far this winter we are getting a big mountain snow pack. Long hot summers I think is just going to be the norm from now on.

The pups and I slept in until after 6:30 and when I got up, I fixed a New Year Day breakfast of buttered eggnog French toast with peaches and maple syrup with a cup of mocha coffee topped with marshmallows this frosty morning.

It had snowed all night and continued all day so even if I could go out I couldn’t because of the snow storm. As it did not stop snowing all day, the pups didn’t even get their walk. Oh well.

I typed a lot of nostalgia and posted them on face book to pass the morning, mostly about keeping a journal for 53 years and a tribute to my dad.

I wrote, “My father and I did not get along when I was a teenager.  We did not understand each other and in the 1960's no one spoke to their parents of what they were feeling nor did most parents believe their responsibility to be a good parent was any more than providing for their children.

Mostly parents were concerned that a child did not reflect poorly on their upbringing. That is why I had to keep who I was a secret.

However now I know that even without dad's verbal expression of love and affection he gave me an unspoken example of showing what love is by being a provider.

I learned unwittingly to be a provider to those around me, who I loved and cared about. For that unappreciated gift and example, as a teen, I am now truly grateful. One of my all-time mantras is "You love who you serve."

My quarantine New Year lunch/dinner included Hopping' John, which is rice and black eye peas for good fortune. You can take the boy out of the South but it is harder to take the South out of the boy. My Williams’ ancestor John Williams came to Virginia in 1666 so I get to have hopping' John for New Year’s this 4th day of being quarantined. I have a fever blister on my upper lip and inside the roof of my mouth but otherwise feel pretty good. Still, they hurt and make it unpleasant to eat.

            I didn’t see Kyle Foote and Adrian Villalobos much this day as they mainly stayed downstairs watching television and relaxing. They did go out to the “Our Kitchen” in North Salt Lake around noon. About the only interaction I had with them,  and it wasn’t much, was when Kyle came up to get some M & M’s out of the cupboard.

            I spent a good part of the day really cleaning up the kitchen by pulling everything off the counters and wiping them down with bleach. I could see that mice had been gathering behind things and so far, my mouse trap hasn’t captured even one. I put up the crockpots off the counters, rearrange things so as not to be so cluttered and actually got rid of the wooden knife holder block that I had to hold the knives that Kyle bought me for Christmas 2010. It kept me busy and since I couldn’t do much else.

            The only person I heard from was Bill Poore who called to wish me a Happy New Year. He thinks he is being released tomorrow but he’s delusional because Monday is a federal holiday.

            On the whole it was a very quiet first day of 2023. One hundred years ago the time was called the “Roaring Twenties” so far, it’s been the “Boring Twenties” at least for me with the lock down, the isolation from former friends, and just a general malaise. I am not sure if it’s because of  pandemic or just old age.

            It will be interesting to see how the relationship between Kyle and I play out. I do believe he loves me as much as he can anyone, maybe more affection than love but I will take what I can get at this stage.

Barbara Walters, the longtime host of the Today Show died the other day. Many posted about it, but few mentioned that while she was in college, she dated homocon Roy Cohan in gratitude for having an arrest warrant for her father dismissed. She explained one of her reasons for a life time devotion to that sleaze was her gratitude for his help in adopting her daughter. He claimed he proposed to Walters the night before her marriage, but Walters denied that ever happened.

Hitler Jürgen Joseph Ratzinger is dead too. Before becoming a Catholic  pope in 2005, he was a Cardinal who had an outsized influence on the Church’s anti-Gay approach towards homosexuality. As pope in 2005 he opposed the use of condoms to stop the spread of AIDS. He died on New Year Eve and while he lived technically there were two popes, him, and Pope Francis.

2 January 2023 Monday

Supposedly this is my 5th day of being quarantined. So, if I test negative tomorrow, I can go out again, wearing my mask for 5 days or longer if I want.

It snowed all day yesterday, so pups didn't get a walk this morning, but around noon today it was clear enough to venture out. First though, I had to shovel off my steps before I could even take the pups out. Some good soul cleared a path on the sidewalk in front of the house, but it was touch and go around the block. I had my snow boots on, but the pups had to plow through as some walks hadn't been shoveled...

The only thing Covid gave me, it seems, are some fever blisters and some sores in my mouth. Hopefully tomorrow I will be back out among the living.

I mostly edited my journal from February 1968 and also looked up some high school yearbooks from Rancho from the 1960s when Charline, Donna, and I went there.

I ate up some left overs for breakfast, lunch, and dinner but I am making some onion soup for tomorrow. I felt like a bowl of rice also for my supper.

Kyle Foote and Adrian Villalobos were  gone to work for most of the day and the gym, so I had no real interaction with them until Kyle came home around 8. I asked him to test me tomorrow to see if I am positive or negative.

Today was a federal holiday for New Years and all that is on the  local news is the Rose Bowl Game because the Utes are playing Penn State in Pasadena.

3 January 2023 Tuesday

Well Kyle Foote helped me testing this morning at home for Covid and the results definitely said I am still positive. However, I feel asymptomatic, with no fever, cough, or loss of taste and smell, just some fever blisters from having a fever those first few days.

So, I thought I would be home again for the next few days in quarantine. I was disappointed that I was still  positive but extremely grateful that I feel well and not sick.

The downside of being quarantined is that I am posting way too much to my Utah Stonewall Historical Society Site. Oh well people can ignore it like they did in history class.

My humane mouse trap caught one big mouse at last, who is not happy at all, and made a racket in the bucket all night to the annoyance of my pups. Eventually I released him by putting it way outside in the backyard. The driveway was still too deep in snow for me to release the critter by the Jordan River. Kyle said he would just come back into the house, and I said well if he is that determined to trudge through the snow climb the stairs and make it back in maybe he deserves to be back.

Adrian Villalobos went off to the gym and he’s so cute and has long sexy legs. I took the pups for a walk around the block, and it was warm enough for the snow to melt but still there was at least 5 inches at my place. Upon returning I took the snow shovel and cleared the driveway and the sidewalk. The snow was wet, not powdery, so it was a bit of an exertion.

Around noon I spoke to someone who was with the Covid19 hot line about whether I should still quarantine as that my home kit said I was still positive. He told me that the home kits are rather unreliable and if I have quarantined for 5 days and now show no symptoms or have a fever and have had all my boosters, I should be able to go out if I masked up.

So, I am still going to limit my interaction with others for 5 more days, but I will go grocery shopping and such. I feel fine for an old dude, so I am lucky I had a mild case- lucky and also had the sense to trust medicine and get all my boosters.

Kyle called around 12:30  and said he was hungry, so I fixed him a plate of meatloaf, cheesy potatoes, and creamed corn and brought it down to Manny’s and the Loco Burger location where he was working. He was up in the attic so just left the plate of food at Manny’s. Coming home I went to Lucky’s to buy some chicken for the pups as I knew I would be out after tonight.

Adrian was home by then and cooking himself some lunch and making some fresh pineapple juice. I ate some of my onion soup that was ready then I took a nap in the late afternoon.

I slept kind of hard and was just getting up when Jim Dabakis came by with a bag of two kinds of soups. He didn’t come in but left after dropping the food off.

I fed the dogs, listening to the news and weather report. I love how the do-nothing Republican party can’t even elect a Speaker of the House these days. The nut-wing caucus is blocking McCarthy from receiving the votes needed for him to be chosen out right so this first day of Congress there’s no House Speaker. It shows how low the GOP leadership has sunk since John Boehner was speaker back in 2011.

Adrian and Kyle came up after Kyle came home to eat. Kyle had some of my cabbage soup and Adrian ate one of Jim’s chicken noodle soups. Adrian was kissing Kyle, and it was sweet to see him so affectionate with him. I stayed in the front room in the lazy boy with the Chihuahuas in my lap watching some TV, nothing special, and after they went back downstairs, I went to bed myself.

4 January 2023 Wednesday

Well, I finally found out the truth about the vehicles, which I suspected all along when Kyle Foote and I sat down this evening.

            This afternoon I checked the mail and there was a notice that the Sierra was going to be sold for lack of payments. It sounded from the letter that it had already been repossessed. I sent a picture of the letter to Kyle who said he’d take care of it when he got home.

I saw Adrian Villalobos a little bit when he came home from the gym and asked if he could have some of the chicken thighs I had baked earlier for the pups. There were plenty so I said of course he could. I bake them for the pups, but I season them, and they certainly are people food. He then drove off to his subway job.

            I was alone for much of the day editing the month of March from 1968 but I took the pups out twice for their walks and the weather was warming in the high 30’s.

            Well Kyle came home around 6:30 and came up stairs. He said he was having a horrible day and when I asked why he said look outside and I saw his Terrain being towed out of the driveway.

            Kyle was at least 2 months behind on his payment and the car was being repossessed. So, he sat down in the front room to figure how to get him out of another mess. He blamed being behind on having to pay his restitution, but I also know he spent money like a drunken sailor in December. He said that in January he is supposed to receive $6000 more but already $3600 is spoken for to pay me back restitution from January and he will have to pay again for February, but he hasn’t received any of it so far from Club Verse or Loco Burger.

            It’s hard to know how much to actually believe what Kyle says because he told me that the Traxx and Rogue had been rented out when he admitted that he sold them, but I bet anything they were simply repossessed also as he said he got nothing out of them. In my gut I knew he was not telling me the truth about them but was just trying to placate me.

            In addition to the Terrain being repossessed Kyle said that Adrian’s KIA broke down and he thinks it’s the transmission. Adrian just bought the car when he came to Salt Lake for $3500 and is making $500 a month payments for the next 9 months. So right now, I am the only one with a working vehicle.

            Kyle thought I had cancelled Triple A, but I told him I hadn’t so he could use it to tow Adrian’s car so that resolved how to get it home or to a repair shop. Next, we discussed how to make the past payments up so he could retrieve the Terrain from the tow yard. All said and done it will cost around $1000 or a bit more to get him back into transportation which is necessary for him to keep working.

            Well last year Kyle foolishly spent nearly $700 retrieving vehicles from an impound lot when towed from Sutherlands and I spent $900 paying a water bill from a break in the line that Kyle installed. I loaned him but actually gave him $1000 to originally buy the Rogue.

            Well, I guess I will be bailing him out again. Is it love or craziness? Anyone looking at this objectively will say craziness, but I cannot be anything but myself. In 15 years or much less I will be gone, and it will not matter a wit about the money I spent on that boy. Love makes one do crazy things when the heart blinds all the rest.

I blame Walt Disney's Mickey Mouse and Terry toons' Mighty Mouse for anthropomorphizing  mice so that I feel guilty killing them. I think I watched too many Saturday morning cartoons; or may be its just because I am a big old sissy boy.

            I found a picture of me from 1966 in a Rancho High School Year book on line that I had forgotten about.

Very few friends know that when I was 15 years old, I lettered in Junior Varsity football at Rancho Alamitos High School. The back story is that in my world history class my teacher Charles “Chuck” Osborne was also the coach of the JV football team. Back then all history teachers were hired as coaches and as history teachers second.

One of the few times I attended class, he asked for someone to help out his team by being a water boy. This girl poked me in the back and said you do it and as I began to indignantly say "I will not" only “I will” came out before Mr. Osborne grabbed me. He was desperate and back then you didn't say no to all powerful teachers.

So, the fall season of 1966, my sophomore year, I had to attend all the games. At first, I was humiliated at being the lowly water boy but as time went on and the guys appreciated me bringing them water during practice and taping hands and ankles, I was the Flo Nightingale of the football field.

To these guys credit they never put me down and the perk was I got to hand out towels in the boys' locker room which back then it was mandatory for boys to shower.

I know I was indispensable because JV lost their first 2 games before I joined and won all of them afterwards. LOL I was given a "letter" for a jacket which I never bought because actually I was kind of embarrassed not really having earned it.

In the news the GOP can’t get their act together to elect McCarthy as speaker of the house because the extremists in the party.

5 January 2023 Thursday

Kyle Foote and I went down to Mariner’s finance this morning to get him current with the Terrain. That was $1020. Then we went up to Wood cross to Patriot’s Towing and paid another $100 to retrieve it. So, I had to pay nearly $1100 to get Kyle out of another fine mess he got himself into.

            I made a food dish I looked up on line that I called Columbian Stewed Chicken. I wanted Adrian Villalobos to have some comfort food for the stress he is probably under having his car break down. It was mostly chicken thighs, plum tomatoes, onions, yellow potatoes, carrots, garlic, cilantro and some Latin spices like Adobe, Goya Sazon Zafran Seasoning, and Worcestershire sauce. I never ate any of it but when Kyle and  Adrian came home from shopping, they ate some for lunch. Kyle didn’t have any, but Adrian ate two plates full with rice. He said it’s the first time someone cooked Columbian style since his mother and leaving home. So that made the effort worthwhile.

            Mike Romero dropped Coco off while he went down to South Jordan for his doctor’s appointment about his catheter. While he was out, I took Adrian to the gym in Woods Cross while Kyle tried to sleep downstairs. I guess he hadn’t had but a few hours and stressed to the max, of course most from his own doing.

 Mike upon returning said he probably will have the surgery so he wouldn’t have to change out the catheter every month.

            It rained lightly for most of the day, but I was able to walk the pups at least once. California is being pounded by rain and we are expecting some of those storms to make it up here. Already we have had the 5^th greatest snow pack this early in the season.

            When I picked up Adrian from the gym, he said he found out how much it will be to fix his KIA. It will be around $700. I offered to help him, but he said he had some savings and didn’t want to be in debt, which I admired.

            I fed the pups then I fell asleep around 7 in the lazy boy but then I had been up since 5. The weather makes you sleepy I suppose.

            Kevin McCarthy still could not get enough votes on the 10^th try to become the Speaker of the House. Round 10 ... go home Kevin...you lost.

When Republican state legislatures gerrymandered to insure safe districts for GOP candidates, they also insured that extreme wackos would not have to fear losing their seats in Congress and therefore could obstruct as much as they want without fear of consequences.

 The Republicans created those monsters who now refuse to play nicely but rather are rampaging through the village. The MAGA chickens have come home to roost and have turned on their creator.

I love how Utah's gerrymandered Congressmen are whining that the other children won't play nice.

I am having a super schadenfreude moment.

6 January 2023 Friday

I had to take Adrian Villalobos down to Murray this morning so he could retrieve his KIA that was repaired. I didn’t see him for the rest of the day and only Kyle Foote when he came home for dinner.

            I spent much of the day sending Palak Jayswal information from my files on African Americans in  Utah as she wants to do a story for Black History Month.

            It rained, or more like it, drizzled for much of the day. I only took the pups out once because of the weather. Most of the snow has melted because of the temperatures being in the high 30’s. Everything is really wet.

            Bill Poore called me to visit this afternoon. He really has lost it, I think. So, I stopped reasoning with him but just let him talk. Everything he says, he later contradicts. He says he’s healthy enough to go home and in the next breath he says he can hardly walk without getting winded. He thinks he can go back to his place and drive to Smith’s and to the VA and then says that he needs to be at the care facility. I guess he finally pissed off Jim Marcus his brother-in-law for being so stubborn about his health. Oh well.

            I am feeling back to normal, for sure, whatever that may be at my age. In the late evening I decided to move my bed and bench in my bedroom to clean up and I found that mice had left a lot of droppings against the wall. So, I swept, mopped, and stripped my bed to remake it. I did a thorough cleaning. I had no idea so many mice droppings were beneath my bed. Oh well. It’s all cleaned for now but for how long?

It was in 2021 that MAGA insurrectionist stormed the capitol putting lives in danger while Kevin McCarthy pleaded with Trump to call off his attack dogs as members of Congress hunkered down. He later refused to acknowledge there had been an insurrection, kissing Trump's ass and refused to participant in the January 6 investigation even denying he ever said that Trump shouldered some responsibility for treason.

McCarthy is a vile human being and the worse example of a demagogue and should not be speaker of the House and be 3rd in line to the Presidency. However, he is so power hungry and beholden to his master’s he won't give in until forced.

Just because I despise Boebert and Gantz doesn't mean McCarthy should be speaker. They should give the job to someone else who is not a complete fascist but is there one in the Republican Party?

7 January 2023 Saturday

I was married on this date in 1977  up in the Avenues  by a Mormon Bishop who owned Juliet Lingerie  located on Broadway downtown.  Ancient history. Fran and I were going to get married on the 17th until we heard Gary Gilmore was being executed on that date. Utah brought the death penalty back to the United States after the Supreme Court had suspended it in 1974.

My new blue plaid night shirt finally came yesterday but didn’t try it on until today. It’s from a large men’s store so it was rather loose on me, but its flannel and I’ve about wore out all my other night shirts.

It was so nice out today that almost all the snow was gone so I took the pups for two walks.

I made a pineapple-mango cobbler for the first time from the toppings Kyle Foote had made last December for Loco Burger owned by Fernando Cano and his wife, Maria Cano, to try. Being old school, I hate to waste food, so I thought why not make a cobbler. I was curious about how it would taste as I had never made a pineapple pie before but have eaten one and I like it so maybe. When I tasted it, it was okay but kind of rich and I think the fruit was probably not the freshest.

For lunch I tried some of the Columbian stewed pollo y arroz with a sprig of cilantro. I made it the other day for Adrian. It was okay but I guess I am just not that fond of chicken.

Kyle came home around 3 and asked if I wanted to go with him to Loco Burger which I did for his company. It was nice to be with him without it being a crisis of some sort. There was a lot of improvements there and I was impressed. Kyle was just checking to make sure some pipe wasn’t leaking.

Afterwards we went to Sutherland’s to buy some mouse traps as my humane bucket just doesn’t seem to be doing what it promised. There was a mouse in a bag of peanuts I had left on the dining room table and one smart little dude ran back and forth against the wall where the stove is. Also, some mouse, or mice, wakes me up at night rustling noisily through paper. I would like a “live and let live” policy but I am concerned about sanitation issues. I feel like I keep a clean house, but mice seem to not care.

I have been sending Palak Jayswal more information on blacks in Salt Lake but somehow, I lost the information I found yesterday on Horace Henderson, a popular jazz musician who leased a club called Dixieland on Beck Street back in the 1940’s.

So not to lose anything else I went through all my files tonight and put them in more easy to access files. I don’t want to lose my journals or my writings on West Second South Street.

8 January 2023 Sunday

My nose was dripping all day and then I started sneezing, so pretty sure I caught a cold or maybe an extension of Covid. I took the pups out once and it was really damp and cold, so I am sure that didn’t help any. I blew my nose a lot and tried  to nap a lot. So far 2023 is not very nice.

            Kyle Foote and Adrian Villalobos took a drive up to Park City as Adrian had never been there, but I didn’t even know they were gone until Kyle came upstairs later in the day. Jim Dabakis sent me tickets for the Eccles Theater for January 15^th. A musical about the Motown group The Temptations was touring in town. I just gave the tickets to Kyle as I thought Adrian might enjoy a musical.

            I spent much of the day cleaning up my files and working again on the Pioneers of Second South.

            I cooked some chicken thighs for the pups and finished my onion soup for my lunch. I wasn’t all that hungry. I am pretty sure I picked up a cold and not the flu as I am not feverish or achy.  Oh well.

9 January 2023 Monday

I am not happy the way 2023 is going so far. I was quarantine with covid for the first week and now I feel like I caught a cold with a runny nose and an annoying cough but at least  no fever or chills. I have homemade chicken noodle soup. Okay I am done whining; for now.

It was a do-nothing day as I was down with a cold and it rained for most of the day. When there was a break in the afternoon, I walked the pups once. I will probably catch pneumonia.

I did not see Kyle Foote or Adrian Villalobos any today or anyone else for that matter. I guess I should mention that today is John Cunningham’s 72^nd birthday. I love you wherever you are.

Well get ready for a slew of anti-Drag and Tran’s legislation in the coming legislative session.  Not that the religious bigots have given up on anti-Gay measures any, like ‘don't say Gay laws’, but they think Drag Queens and Trans are easier targets and will appeal to their idiotic "base."

10 January 2023 Tuesday

Well, I knew 2023 was going to be a bad year and this morning it was confirmed. My work on my computer disappeared with all my writings and pictures I had saved over 20 years. I was just using it yesterday and reorganized it this weekend but now it’s gone. Oh well I guess nothing lasts forever. Still it’s devastating for so much work just to disappear. May be the universe is telling me something like maybe I should disappear too.

I soon realized that it was my E drive that had disappeared. It is an external hard drive that I probably had for 20 years, thinking it was a safe way to save my writings and pictures if my computer ever crashed or if there was a fire, I could just grab it.

Well, I guess even externals don’t last forever, however the good news is that I unplugged it and put it in a different port, and everything came up except my music and I transferred everything over to the main computer until I can get a new external hard drive. Mine is probably kaput.

My music of over 100 years’ worth, is on another computer in the spare bedroom that I don’t use, but I hope to copy them onto a CD and transfer them to my computer. The one I use doesn’t have a CD player but I bought an external player so I could transfer stuff I had saved on CDs. Who knew that CD technology is now obsolete? About ready to go back to pencil and paper. 

I did have the foresight to put many of my journals and writings into my Yahoo mail files so at least until Yahoo goes kaput, I can pull from there.

What a morning for someone who is sick.  I HATE TECHNOLOGY and am ready to become a Luddite. Thus, I spent most of the day trying to recover files on my computer so that I could find them again.

My friend Michael West, who I've known for 30 years, called me from Maryland to help me with my computer issues. He showed me how to use Google Drive to start sending files over to it to be saved.  So, guess what I will be doing for days?

He walked me through it all as I am old. He also told me how Word Press would be a good way to put my writings on line.  I guess I can still learn a few new tricks even if I can't turn them.

Afterwards we talked for about a half hour catching up on our lives even though Michael posts on Face Book regularly, so we had not actually lost touch over the years. He said that when he was active in Florida at a community center there, he used much of what I had taught him in Gay 101 back in the early 90’s. A teacher’s influence can never be underestimated.

I’m still sick with my cold and I hate having this cough, but I had to take the pups for their walk when the weather was clear enough in the afternoon. They look so much forward to their one adventure.

I didn’t see Adrian Villalobos or Kyle Foote any today although Kyle called in the evening and asked if I would come down to Manny’s bar where Loco Burger was serving some of their dishes up before their opening next week. I declined saying I was too sick to go out and besides, it had begun to rain heavily. Instead, I began to get achy so went to bed.

The trouble with being sick and going to bed at 7 is that you wake up in the middle of the night and its only 10 when you are sure it must be 3 or 4 in the morning. Ugh.

So, I watched a couple of tutorial about Word Press on YouTube before finally falling back to sleep around 11.

11 January 2023 Wednesday

Don't you hate it when your fever breaks and you wake up at 2:30 in the morning feeling all damp and clammy so you get up to dry off only to come back to a cold wet bed but too tired to do anything else but try to find the least wet spot. Well at least my pups kept me semi warm and I'm not feeling so achy. Around seven I got up to see what new hell 2023 was bringing today.

I worked so much on editing files on my writings regarding Second South that needs to be saved. So again, I never saw Kyle Foote or Adrian Villalobos today. I did feel well enough that I went to Smith’s and bought some more dog treats for the pups. They didn’t have the chicken strips that Lulubelle and Maxx like and I was too tired to go anywhere else to look for them, so I had to get them something else. I bought some food for me, but I wasn’t really all that hungry and nothing seemed to appeal to me.

Well, I am so happy that I was able to recover my 100 years of music that I had downloaded from NAPSTER back in the late 90s when the file-sharing site wasn't banned.

So, I’ve been happily listening to my music folder from 1967 all day, the Summer of Love, with lots of Beatles, Motown, psychedelic, and protest music. I still think the Doors’ Light My Fire is one of the greatest songs ever written. The Beatles introduction of the sitar was transforming.  I may be sick, but I love the music of the Sixties even on my deathbed.

I am starting to recover myself as my cough is going away and I am feeling better with a little bit of an appetite. I have been living on chicken noodle soup that I had made.

I have great sympathy for the good people of Colorado's Third District who have to live among the deplorable cretins who reelected the unhinged high school dropout Lauren Boebert  whose been making bad decisions since being knocked up in high school. I feel your pain living in Utah among good people who also have to exist amidst GOP hypocrisy.

12 January 2023 Thursday

I am slowly recovering from my cold and while I still have a residue cough, I am starting to feel human again although I don’t seem to have much of an appetite. That may have more to do with me being old now.

            Still mainly trying to figure out how to get files moved over to my Google drive which when Kyle Foote came up, before going off to work, showed me some tricks. He also said that he transferred money into my America First Credit Union account to pay off the Line of Credit that I want available each month to pay his restitution.

            I worked mostly on editing my research on Second South during the 1880’s and 90’s for much of the day. It was a pretty day out in the high 40’s that I took the pups for two walks today. I needed the exercise, and it brings them such simple joy.

            Adrian Villalobos popped by my bedroom while I was laying down for a nap to say hello before heading down to Loco Burger where he is working in the kitchen there.

            In the mail something came for Adrian with my address on it, which I thought was great as that now he could use it to show proof of where he is living. Kyle later said it was also great news because Adrian wants to go to the Horizontal School to learn English but need something to prove where he was staying.

            Kyle had asked if I’d come down to Loco Burger after five to see how the place was improving. Therefore, after feeding the pups I went out this evening, but first went to Wal- Mart to pick up some chicken jerky treats that Smith’s didn’t have.

I went to Loco Burger located on 17th South and Main Street next to the Manny’s Bar. They were having a “quiet” opening Kyle said to work out issues before a soft opening next week then a Grand Opening later. Loco Burger is a Mexican owned chain owned by Fernando Cano and his wife, Maria Cano, that Kyle has been working as a consultant helping them expand. The husband-and-wife owners are very nice people and it’s good to support locals.

The place has a limited menu, mostly Mexican style hamburgers, fries, and right now, only soft drink but working on flavored Mexican style shakes. This is their second location and after eating, you could hop next door into Manny’s for a beer or cocktail, I suppose.

 I ordered the smallest and simplest burger, and it was more than I could eat but tasty. However, I am not a great judge anymore since nothing seems to taste as they once did when I was younger. The place is a fun little location painted bright yellow with red trimmings that reminds me of a diner.

It was fun seeing Adrian who gave me a “heart love you sign” with his hands and I visited a bit with Kyle who said that he might be getting his money from Curry Connect as that a lawyer had contacted him. So hopefully, things are looking up for him.

I was glad to be back at the house by 7:30 though because night driving wears me out as my night vision isn’t as good as it once was.

Kevin Scott texted me and said that he did a gig at the Woodland Convalescent and had invited me. “Oh! I forgot to mention! I am performing for the residents over at Woodland Park at 3:30 today, if you're interested in visiting Bill.”  I said that I didn’t dare as I am recovering from a cold.

He later wrote back that he did not see Bill Poore there. He wrote “We had fun, he wasn't there, but they weren't that good at gathering people because the Activity Director went home.”

I was a bit concerned when Kevin wrote Bill wasn’t there but probably, he meant he wasn’t at the performance. I wrote back, “I know he wanted to check himself out to go back home but I really don't see how he can without home care.”

I decided to call it a day and went to bed around nine but read Face Book and played Spider Solitaire on my tablet until nearly 10:30. All the pups were surrounding me.

In the news is mostly the horrific weather with rain saturating California and tornados sweeping across the South. President Biden is in the hot seat over the classified documents found at his home, and the daughter of Elvis Presley died of a heart attack at the young age of 54. Lisa Marie’s real claim to being a celebrity were her birth to “the King” and that she was once married to pop legend Michael Jackson.

13 January 2023 Friday

Since its Friday the 13th, I'm not taking any chances and staying home. Now I just hope not to fall down stairs or trip over my pups. I did, however, venture out once to walk the pups but other than that stayed home and worked on recovering my files.

            I worked almost the entire day on my 1880-1899 documents about West Second South especially on Jim Hegney who I think is a fascinating and forgotten man who developed much of the area with his hotels and Saloons.

            I made a pot roast and scalloped potatoes which when Adrian Villalobos came up for lunch ate quite a bit of it. I’ve always fed young Gay men when I could. He went off to work but I never saw Kyle Foote although I paid off the Line of Credit at America First so it can be used again at the end of the month for Kyle’s restitution. He did call me around 9 when I was going to bed to check in with me,  I think he is worried a bit about me as he finally sees that I am getting fragile.

He said that Loco Burger was swamped with customers tonight with lines at time going out the door. He also said that he was hired by that Restaurant in Herriman to help them set up a new system there.

            I certainly hope Kyle has finally found his niche and my support and love for him will have paid off. Even if it doesn’t, love and support never is a failure.

            The news about classified documents being found in offices Pres Biden used and at his home is disappointing. If classified documents can be found among President Biden’s things, can you imagine how many more sensitive material gets taken out of the White House accidentally or on purpose?

Hundreds of people work in the executive branch and people get lazy or indifferent. I doubt Biden snuck them out in a brief case.

The difference between the two Presidents is that while scores were found in Biden’s off-White House properties, they were quickly turned over to the proper agencies. With the Dumpster, he had hundreds of unsecured files and then he lied about having them and then fought tooth and nail to keep them.

Mistakes will always be made but at least we have a President who will admit to them. I didn’t vote for our President because I thought Joe Biden was perfect. I voted for him because he's mostly competent and more importantly a decent man.

14 January 2023 Saturday

Another do nothing day but stay inside with this lingering nagging cough. I took the pups for a walk then went down Redwood to do some shopping. I went to Lucky’s first and bought some chicken and other items. I decided to buy lactose free milk again only because it last so long. I had to throw out nearly a quart of milk that had expired. I just don’t use that much milk anymore.  Noticed that eggs were selling for $5 a dozen. I guess should just be grateful I can get them at all and that I only eat about one a day for breakfast. I only use more eggs when I bake, which I don’t do that often anymore.

            Then I went down to Sutherlands and bought more mice traps. Seeing the empty Turo spots seemed kind of sad as that part of my life helping Kyle Foote is over.

            At Exxon I stopped and got a drink and noticed gas had jumped back up to $3.35. I am not sure what is causing that. Well, it’s either pay it or stay home which I mainly have so far this month. Even my Dr. Pepper jumped up 30 cents more since I was once in. Oh well, it’s my one vice.

            I worked more on compiling my research of Second South from 1880 to 1900 for much of my day, although I took the time to make some Onion Soup for tomorrow.

            I didn’t see anyone today, until Kyle Foote called and wanted me to go downstairs and help Adrian Villalobos. He had been watching the Miss Universe contest on the Tele Mundo channel but somehow lost it, so Kyle had me find the channel again. Adrian was so cute and gay watching a beauty pageant cheering on Miss Columbia.

15 January 2023 Sunday

Well, the month is  half over and I haven’t actually done much due to sickness and not wishing to spread it around. I have been busy at the computer, even if not keeping up the house very well. It rained and snowed for much of the day, so the pups didn’t get their walk.

            Alan Anderson messaged me and asked if I wanted to meet him and Kyle Daniels at Chubby’s tomorrow for lunch. I said I would as I hadn’t actually done anything since Christmas.

            Kyle Foote and Adrian Villalobos used Jim Dabakis tickets to go see the musical about the Motown Group, The Temptations, at the Eccles theater. It was the only time I saw Kyle all day but later in the evening after I made some chicken and noodle soup, I brought some downstairs to Adrian who was home while Kyle had to go back to Loco Burger.

            Haven’t watched a bit of news as I am sure it’s all about severe weather in California and the South and President Biden’s mishandling of classified documents and I suppose more shit about lying George Santos and the Republican Congress refusal to do anything about him. And the beat goes on.

16 January 2023 Monday

            Up early around 5 and did my regular routine of fixing coffee and breakfast before firing up the computer. I made sausage with blueberry pancakes of which I ate at least half.

            Since the first, I have been posting The Day in Gay Utah History on my Utah Stonewall site, before writing in my journal and editing whatever I am writing on, which is right now City Blocks 63 and 64 from 1880 to 1900. It’s 430 pages so it’s slow going trying to make it more accessible and spelled checked.

            I walked the pups and finally mopped the front room and dining room as I am feeling better, and it needs to be done.

            I had a really nice time going to Chubby’s at 1 for lunch with Alan Anderson, Kyle Daniels, and Scott Stites to catch up on this rainy day. Of course, most of the conversations centered around people Scott and Alan knew from the Royal Court as they were both past Emperors.  If I wasn’t a historian, I probably wouldn’t have known any of the people to which they were referring. Kyle Daniels was off for Martin Luther King Day but we didn’t really get to visit much. It was fun hearing all the places they are going to be visiting this year like Mexico and Switzerland while knowing I am happy to be home with my pups.   My Patron Saint Judy Garland says there’s no place like home.

            For some reason I went on to Connell O’Donovan’s Face Book page where he posted last year that he legally had his name to “Connell” but not before asking people to donate to his legal fees. Scrolling through his postings I could see that everything was about him and no one else. The post made me realize even more that Rocky is just a Narcissist. He posted that he was the founder of  the Gay and Lesbian Historical Society back in 1988 without mentioning that I was  the one who initiated it. Oh well. It’s my fault for even bothering with him knowing that he irritates me and has for 30 years.

            I never saw Kyle Foote or Adrian Villalobos any today.

17 January 2023 Tuesday

            I was woken up at 3 in the morning by a mouse rustling around and found that one had fallen into the deep trash can and could not get out. I just placed the trash can outside and went back to bed for about an hour feeling guilty. I hope the guy died quickly in the cold.

            Later in the afternoon, while sitting in the front room I saw a little mouse scurry from the front room all the way down the hall into the bedroom. He was running as fast as his little legs could go and it made me feel even more guilty about killing the mice, but I just can’t have them over run the house as they can be destructive.

After getting up and fixing my coffee, around 5, I worked on the computer until Kyle Foote called and asked if I would take Adrian Villalobos to work at Loco Burger at 2 as Adrian’s car is having emissions done so he can get his plates. I said sure but first I had Adrian come up and I fixed him some lunch. Adrian is so unlike Kyle that he is not prudish and will come upstairs wearing just shorts and nothing else.

I walked the pups, and it was damp out and later in the evening it rained and snowed.

After dropping Adrian off, I went to Lucky’s, bought some chicken and stuff, and then rested for much of the rest of the day.

Locally the big news is that the Salt Lake Bees are leaving 13^th South and moving to Day Break which will be a rather big economic impact for the Ball Park Area.

18 January 2023 Wednesday

It was a much nicer day out so after walking the pups this morning I finally took down all the Christmas lights and decorations from outside. I should have done it sooner, but I had been sick for much of the month.

            I didn’t see Adrian Villalobos all day and only Kyle Foote in the evening when he came home to do something with a check, he received from the Herriman Club that is called “Redemption”. He said the contract with them may amount to $20,000. He still has contracts with club Verse and Loco Burger.  Before heading back out he hugged me, and this was the first physical contact I had had with him since around Christmas time.

            I cooked a pot roast today because I thought Adrian would be home to eat some, but he wasn’t. However, Kyle had some before going back into work.

            I worked this morning on editing Block 63 and 64 during the last two decades of the 19^th Century before kind of got tired of it. I needed to take a break from it I suppose so I concentrated on the house instead.

Six years ago, I had to have a 500-question psych evaluation at the U for my bariatric surgery. When shown the results, it said I was fairly normal  except for empathy which the doctor said was an  outlier as it was “way extreme”.  He said it would indicate that I was a proud Gay man. Ha! Who knew? I guess that is why I am a flaming liberal as my empathy is off the charts.

19 January 2023 Thursday

Today is my dad’s 98^th birthday and I did  not do a whole lot today. It snowed off and on. I took the pups for a walk and I had a long nap in the afternoon. How’s that for being productive? Kyle Foote was home on a conference call so had to keep the pups in my room and I saw Adrian Villalobos for  a bit when he was fixing something in the kitchen.

Someone contacted me because they are researching The Restoration Church of Jesus Christ which was a Gay Mormon Church. Little does he know that he has a gold mine in me as I am about all that is left who remembers the splash it made in 1986. Not only remembers but wrote it all down in my journal, which is probably the most extensive source since the early records were stolen.

 Few people know that the SLC branch was founded in my home, and I was its first Bishop Agent called to care for needs of its members. After I was its first excommunication, I transferred my calling to care for the general Gay and lesbian community at the time. I think I exceeded my calling with all the groups I formed over the years and people I have supported and  cared for.

Isn’t the reason we exist is to have a life well lived? At least the hippie in me still believes that.

Erick Myers wrote to me “Ben, I was a beneficiary of your caring ministries through the groups you organized. Thank you for the uncounted hundreds of lives you’ve saved through creating a safe space to be who we were meant to be.”

Singer and song writer David Crosby [1941 to 2023] died. He gave us such great music that will last way past me. I am lucky to have lived when this music was new and poignant . Thank you for the music that defined my youth.

20 January 2023 Friday

It was a pretty day out, just cold and a bit damp while walking the pups. I only saw Adrian Villalobos today when he came up for some lunch. Otherwise, I was pretty isolated today.  I hate trapping mice. I know they just want to live also.

            In the news the Utah Sanhedrin is in session with trying to destroy public education by passing voucher bills and a whole lot of anti-Trans youth bills like they are medical professionals.

21 January 2023 Saturday

Not much to write about. I only see Adrian Villalobos when he brings up dirty dishes from down stairs and gets some lunch upstairs. I really don’t mind. It gives me something to do. I don’t see Kyle Foote at all as he leaves early and stays up late after I’ve gone to bed.

            I didn’t leave the house again just worked on the computer and putzed around, walking the pups and feeding them. I spend most of the day editing my writings.

22 January 2023 Sunday

Snowing here by the Jordan River at West Pointe about an inch or so. I joined the pups back in bed around 10:30 since I had been up since 5 this morning editing some of my research on West Second South. Another mouse fell into the mouse trap bucket and was noisy waking me up all night. I feel like a monster killing the little mice. I don’t know how people can be hunters.

When I woke back up it was near 11:30 and the pups wanted their walk, but looking outside everything was covered with snow, so I had to clear the steps before I could take them out.

As a good American as soon as it stopped snowing, I got my 72-year-old butt out into the cold, clearing my driveway and 100 feet of sidewalk. I was the only one out doing it, so my neighbors are smarter than me.

I have a brand-new snow blower sitting in the garage that Kyle Foote bought that I don’t know how to work as there are three kinds of batteries and I don’t have a clue which are which. I miss my old electric cords that  I could just plug in and good to go. Oh well at least I didn’t have a heart attack. Yet.

When I got back from walking the pups around the block, Kyle and Adrian Villalobos came home. They must have gone out for breakfast. Anyway, they came up stairs and visited with me until they had to go to work at Loco Burger. Kyle said that the burger joint had the best night yet around $5000 in sales, so they are being slammed but that is good I suppose. He also said that Adrian and he are taking off next weekend to go to Los Angeles to get away, because Adrian had never been to Hollywood. That should be fun for them.

Kyle also said that Jim Dabakis had contacted him about Adrian’s brother-in-law who is a mechanic because his car had some issue. So not sure whether Jim is back in town or not.

After they left, Adrian texted me and asked if he could borrow some money as he had spent a lot getting his car fixed and his license plates put on. He didn’t want Kyle to know he needed to borrow some funds. He said $100 should help him get by and I said I would get it to him tomorrow when the banks open.

After that I didn’t do much else to speak of, just did the dishes, watched some old “Perry Mason” and “Archer” before heading to bed.

The Asian Lunar New Year Begins today and it’s the Year of the Rabbit which is also my year 1951.

23 January 2023 Monday

I went out at 9 to go to Lee’s Market to withdraw $100 for Adrian this morning and while there did a little grocery shopping. Since I was out, I went to Sutherlands and bought some more mice traps, then to Smiths to get some doggy treats before heading back home.

            Lugging the grocery bags upstairs I was greeted by an adorable white poodle mix dog, friendly as can be and maybe came in from the cold through the doggie door. The pup seemed very sweet, but it was very strange to find a new pup in the house. Very non aggressive and just wanted to play with the others although TJ and Lulubelle were being snots.

I posted on a Rose Park Community Face Book site asking if anyone was missing a pooch, hoping someone recognized him so I wouldn’t have to take him to a shelter.

My friends responded to my post. Richard P. Butler wrote, “He heard you had a room open.” Steve Brackenbury replied “I love that he had the instinct to come into a pet-friendly home. Smart dog.”

Alan Anderson asked if I checked to see if he was chipped and I replied “not yet. Waiting for a response as he has to be in the neighborhood. He's playing with the others so if I don't hear soon I will.”

The pup was fascinated with Taco and made himself at home. He had to be some ones pooch in the neighborhood as his tracks came from down Daleridge.

After a while, not hearing from anyone and the pup starting to annoy Taco as he wouldn’t leave him alone, I gathered him up and took him down to the Dog Park Vet on North Temple. He had no issues being in the car and sat on my lap the entire way down.

I held him while the vet scanned for a microchip, and it turned out that “Miss Coco” was chipped and soon her owners were on the way down to get her. So, all’s well that ends well. I told the vet to give the owners my number just in case Miss Coco comes a calling again. She sure was enamored with Taco.

When I came back home, I saw this message on the Rose Park site from Florencia Runco. “Hello, That’s my dog! It seems he escaped when I wasn’t home! I sent you a dm as well. Thank you for posting his picture! I was very worried!”

Well, that's my excitement for the day.

After that I just rested and after feeding the pups their supper, Kyle Foote called to ask about the pup, and I told him about my adventure and then asked if I’d get some Lactaid Milk for him as he was all out. I was already in my night shirt but said I would. What we do for love. So, I got dressed and ventured out into the frigid night. I also bought Adrian a precooked roasted chicken because he’s been having some of the chicken, I have been cooking for the pups which I didn’t mind, but this should be tastier.

I noticed in the refrigerators down stairs that lots of food stuff had not even been taken out of their grocery bags. So, I went through all of Adrian and Kyle’s stuff throwing out food that had gone bad and organizing what Adrian has in there, lots of fruit that will go bad If he doesn’t eat them up. Oh well.

24 January 2023 Tuesday

 There was a crime scene in my kitchen this morning. I did it. I murdered a mouse. I saw his little tail sticking out of the death trap I bought yesterday with premeditation.  Have I become a serial killer? I heard killing animals was the slippery slope that leads down that path. Although I suppose he died quicker than the mice who fell into my bucket of horrors and tried to crawl out all night.  See I already have become cold blooded by trying to rationalize my blood lust.

Oh, how I wish I was more butch, just like straight men, so I don't feel the guilt of killing living things. But I think seeing Bambi's mother getting shot as a child did  irreparable harm to my psyche and made me into the big old sissy I am today. Or at least before I became a mouse killer.

There was nothing nearly as  exciting today as coming home yesterday to a pooch in the house. Adrian Villalobos came up to fix himself some lunch with the roasted chicken I bought for him yesterday. While visiting he was asking whether I had any lentils which I didn’t but said I would buy him some later for whatever he is making. I only walked the dogs once as it was really cold out.

I cooked another whole chicken for the pup’s future dinner and had some cornbread and Taco Soup for my lunch. I wasn’t all that hungry as my stomach and gut was acting up again.

I worked some more on researching and editing Second South but got to move on and not get mired down there. I’ve been posting to a history “People In Utah” Face Book Page some of the people  I’ve researched but the real juicy ones I don’t dare.

I went to the Gay Men’s Support group tonight and it’s been nearly a month since I had and sat again next to Paul Milne. Several new people I hadn’t seen before were there  but Mark Angus, Ben Anderson’s old friend, was also there with his husband. It’s been a while since I had seen him. He was once a part of the old Sacred Faeries named “Asparagus.”

The meeting was rather lively, and I can’t help but think I contributed to the discussion. The meeting was basically on what about being Gay we were grateful for but as usual we started to ramble about all sorts of Gay topics, like legislations, Gay Movies especially Cary Grant, and just a host of eclectic subjects which really didn’t matter as long as we were sharing among ourselves.

After the meeting I went down to Loco Burger on 17^th and Main to see Kyle Foote and Adrian who was there cooking. Kyle, I think was genuinely glad to see me and the place looked busy with most of the booths filled. I was kind of surprised when Kyle hugged me up by the cash register as I left, for I didn’t stay long because I knew he and Adrian were busy.

Afterwards I went to Smith’s and bought Adrian his Lentils, and some six-pack soda pop that was on sale. I also bought a rack of spare ribs in the discount meat section which I put in the crock pot before turning in for the day.

In the news classified documents were found in the home of Mike Pence after he had claimed he had none and was accusing Biden of neglect and not a word of the hundreds Trump had.  

First cases of Covid were announced in United States three years ago today. Over 1 million Americans died with 900,000 on Trumps watch who said it would pass by Easter 2020. Yeah, keep watching Fox News idiots and electing Republicans who don’t give a fuck about you.

25 January 2023 Wednesday

It snowed overnight, this last week of January and I trapped another mouse in the kitchen.

            I only left the house once today to walk the pups otherwise it was another day of self-imposed isolation. I worked a lot on my research on Second South and think I found a homosexual couple.

I am kind of skeptical that two men, I have been researching, were what they said they were to census takers. A Grocer named Dean Rice lived with a younger man named Walter Lawson for 42 years at least. Rice referred to Lawson as his "nephew" although there wasn’t a blood relationship to connect the two.

Lawson also went by the last name Loseno for some reason. Neither married but lived together until Lawson died in 1940. He was buried in the Rice family plot in Mt Olivet Cemetery and when Rice died in 1949, he was buried next to Lawson.

Rice’s mother was an immigrant from England, and his father was born in New York but came to SLC working for the Union Pacific. Lawson was born to a Jewish mother and a Gentile father that does not have any connection to the Rice family.

In one 1930 census Rice and Lawson were enumerated as roommates. I have no idea how Lawson could have been Rice’s nephew,  but they started living together in 1898 when Rice was 27 and Lawson was  24. Rice had a grocery on the corner of 5th West and 1st south where the old Gay clubs Backstreet and Axis were. Maybe I just have a dirty mind. Whatever their relationship was, you could tell that Dean loved Walter for taking care of him for all those years.

I never saw Adrian Villalobos at all today, but Kyle Foote came home around 8:30 am to do some laundry as he and Adrian are leaving for California tomorrow. He took out the dead mouse that I had trapped, and I reset the trap to see if I can capture it anymore.

He was able to finally get his $450 check electronically deposited using his phone. I told him that on Friday I would get a cashier check for $1800 so it would be ready for him for his restitution.  He gave me a long hug before leaving to go back to work.

With all the hypocritical posturing the GOP fascists in Congress are  screaming about the scores of classified documents that were found at President Biden's home, these cretins seem to forget that all this concern about classified documents came about after hundreds of Documents were found in Trumps residents which he fought tooth and nail not to hand over. 

Biden was not investigated, those documents, when discovered, were quickly turned over to the justice department because Biden has nothing to hide.

But the greatest  schadenfreude for me is after belaboring Vice-President Biden, Vice President Mike Pence who denied having any classified documents in his home, it  was proven to not to be true.

I wonder if the GOP assholes will call for the FBI to provide them with a list of everyone who visited Pence's residence so they can investigate that also.   I am not holding my breath.

26 January 2023 Thursday

Kyle Foote and Adrian Villalobos left this morning for their vacation to Las Vegas and Hollywood and won’t be home until Monday. After they left, I went to America First Credit Union and got a certified check for $1800 for Kyle’s restitution.

            Then I spent much of the rest of the day researching Dean J Rice and his “nephew” Walter J Lawson. At one time they lived down by the Trapp Door on First South.

Well, I had planned on going to see Bill Poore since I hadn’t been able to for over a month having Covid then a cold. I thought I had better call Woodland convalescent, and sure enough he wasn’t there, and they said they couldn’t tell me where he was. The phone number I have for him doesn’t  pick up, which doesn’t surprise me because he’s so deaf he doesn’t hear it ring. I am kind of worried that he hasn’t called me since early January.

Then to my surprise around 3 this afternoon he called. We must have been on the same wave length. Bill said he is home, and he is frustrated with his phone because it doesn’t ring. I know he must have turned the ringer off. When I call him back it shows that I am calling but it doesn’t ring.

I tried telling him to go into settings and he could not understand what I was saying as he couldn’t hear what I was saying. He doesn't have internet service either. So, I asked him if he had a case worker and he said no. I have no idea how he can live on his own.  I offered to come over and help clean his apartment, but he said absolutely not. He may be back home, but I don’t know how he can take care of himself. He doesn’t have a driver’s license, saying his vehicle is out of gas and when I asked him about his neighbors who had looked after him, he just seemed confused. It’s a bitch getting old.

            I didn’t do much else today but walk the pups and feed them. I assured Kyle I would take care of Persephone while he’s gone. I stripped the bed and put my doggy flannel sheets back on. I am glad I am still able to make up my own bed.

            I’ve stopped watching the news. Just mass shootings, bad weather, and mishandled Classified documents. Oh yes it seems that Santos is all over the news and he,  being a pathological liar and narcissist, probably loves the attention.

27 January 2023 Friday

It was a busy morning as Bill Poore called and asked if I’d take him to the VA to get his meds. He was kicked out of the convalescent home he said because his insurance ran out and they kept his med’s. So, he’s back in his studio apartment.

He lives in the back of a duplex at 862 South Fourth East and when I got there about this morning, I had to double park because there’s no space available in front. Evidently, I couldn‘t see that he fell in the snow coming to the car but fortunately a young guy who was nearby helped him to my car. Even then he just had on an old worn out tee shirt with no coat on at all.

I dropped him off at the entrance and went to park and once inside Bill asked for a wheel chair because he couldn’t walk. I had to push him around in a wheel chair at the VA to where he had to order his prescriptions and he is so deaf I had to translate for him using my teachers voice so that wore me out. We sat around for a while waiting for all his medicine to be filled and he had a lot. I looked at all the old decrepit vets there and while grateful for their service, I was also grateful that I was not one of them.

Bill clearly is losing it, as that half the time he didn’t know what was going on and the other half he would ramble because he couldn’t really carry on a conversation because of his deafness.

When I took him back to his place I offered to go to Smith’s and get him some Progresso Soup but he pitched a fit. But I told him I was coming over tomorrow to clean his apartment as he had been gone a month, with dishes, food spoiled, and lots of laundry laying around.  I think he finally realizes that he needs some help. He kept saying he was going to go to Smiths, and I asked him “how?”. If he couldn’t even getting around the VA without assistance, how was he going to get around Smith’s?

There’s got to be some social services for aged people who are home but can’t take care of themselves. I need to find Meals on Wheels and whatever else there is because he really  can’t stand long enough to shop or go out. 

I am doing my best to get him to realize he needs assistance but he’s so stubborn. He doesn’t have the internet hook-up, doesn’t have a driver’s license, says his vehicle is out of gas which he shouldn’t be driving anyway, and his phone is kind of useless. Sad to see how Gay people can just fall through the cracks as they get old.

I  wanted to get ahold of Deb Hall and see what resources there  are out there, but later Facebook friends sent me some numbers to call. In the meanwhile,  I am grateful I can still take care of myself, and my brains aren’t mush yet.

After coming back to the house around 11:30 I retrieved the cashier check and drove out to the Court House in Tooele to pay Kyle’s February fine. The weather was cloudy and gloomy, but no snow or storms so thought I’d do this for Kyle because I know he will be exhausted from the whirlwind trip to Hollywood and who knows what the weather will be like on the 31^st. The trip was without incident, and I listened to March of the Falsettos for the entire time.

I think I was too restless just to stay home and nap so I went to Deseret Industries looking for a door wreath but actually the place had very little items, but I did find a lap blanket for $6 which was pretty and then went to Smiths on 9^th and 9^th to buy a candy thermometer because I want to make some peanut brittle from the peanuts I shelled yesterday.

As I was about home, I saw a strange car in the driveway and someone on my porch and it was Jim Dabakis who had come to see Taco. I had him come in and we visited about me being sick for most of January and he told me about his New York adventures with his Argentine boys that he goes places with. Next week he’s heading down to Mexico, then Cuba, and he even said Manila. We talked about what bad shape Bill Poore is in and when I said I was going over to clean tomorrow Jim said he’d  this cute Russian boy to come help that could use the work. He fled Russia to avoid the draft.

Jim had to leave around 4 to pick a friend’s dog up from Day Care. The guy is out of town and Jim is staying at his place to babysit.

Kyle Foote called me while they were on the road outside of Barstow heading to L.A. He and Adrian wanted to check in on me and sounds like they are having a good time. Later that night I saw that Kyle had posted pictures of them near the Hollywood sign, at Grauman’s Chinese Theater, and by the sidewalk star of the Back Street Boys that Adrian loves so much so sounds like they are being tourists. I guess they will go to Universal Studios tomorrow. The only time I was ever there was with Ben Anderson when the movie Chicken Run was being release and that had to have been around 2000.

So, it was a pretty productive day, but I worry how Bill will react when I show up with Jim’s young Russian friend.

28 January 2023 Saturday

I knew it would be a tough day but didn’t realize how much. I was up by 5 this morning and I made some batches of banana bread to take over to Bill Poore’s and worked on my morning routine until around 9 then walked the pups and then headed to the store to get some cleaning supplies and soups and stuff for Bill. I also ran the car through a self-service car wash for a few minutes to get some of the grime off the car.

            I said I’d meet Ilya the Russian boy who was going to help me at noon. Parking is impossible in front of Bill’s place, but I managed to park down at the end of the block and lugging all my goods in four bags when I see Bill waiting out front.

            He said that he was tired from lack of sleep and tried to get me not to come in but I wasn’t having any of it with Ilya coming over so I went back towards his place without him and entered his apartment.

            I was dumbfounded. It was so far worse than I could have imagine like he was living in a garbage dump. I realized my phone wasn’t charged so I had to deal with that also going back to the car to charge it, which just added to the frustration as I called Jim Dabakis and informed him to get a hold of Ilya to tell him to not to come. The place was far too filthy for some stranger to see.

It was heartbreaking that Bill’s health and mental capacity had reduced him to living like this. I had no idea he was living in such squalor, but I knew for years he would never let anyone come over.  In fact, this was the first time since I’ve known him that I was in his studio apartment and even then, I had to nearly force myself inside to clean.

His dirty mattress was littered with so much paper, pills, and just crap that there was no place for him to really lay down. The mattress was bare, with no sheets or blankets. As bad as the living space was the kitchen was even worse but that will have to be for another day. I told him he was living in squalor and at first, he was offended but as he saw how much crap I was getting rid of he just brushed it off.

Bill is nearly blind and can’t read his mail because he can’t find his glasses and  deaf as can be and has lost his hearing aids and I know he has some dementia as he forgets and repeats himself. He had dozens of books scattered around that he can’t read, piles of clothes he never will wear, and I even found two lap top computers buried under clothes that he can’t remember where they came from.

If I wasn’t so upset, it would have been really sad but I was mad when he kept blaming his being away for a month for the place being in this bad of a shape. This is from years, not a couple of months, like those horder stories but only here it was because he had no energy to clean, do laundry or even take the trash out. If city officials saw this place, they would have condemned it.

It took me nearly an hour just to clean beneath his bed with a broom which handle made it so awkward. He had months and months of tissue wadded up that he had just thrown under his bed rather than use a trash can. That alone filled up a huge trash bag. I hauled out 7 large trash bags of laundry to the car just so I could start have a place to clean. I also ended up taking 8 bags of trash to the dumpster.

Bill was way too out of it to do anything but lay on the messy bed and ramble while I cleaned. I told him, kind of in jest but kind of not, that I wanted to make sure the place was clean because if he drops dead, they’d be able to find his body. But you do what you can as much as you can and bitch the whole time. Bill is so stubborn but right now I need to be more stubborn, and I think I am.

Around 4, I was exhausted from spending 4 hours cleaning Bill Poore's place, and I barely made a dent, but did make a dent. I will go back tomorrow for another round and maybe find his hearing aids he lost .

I brought him home to spend the night as well as 8 bags of laundry which I started doing. I fixed Bill some chicken noodle soup as I suppose he hadn’t eaten all day. How could he? I wonder when was the last time he did eat.

He finally took a nap in the spare room around and so I had a couple of hours from babysitting him. I know it must be hard on him not having his proper medicine, his sleep apnea machine, nor can he see or hear well enough to watch television.

Around 7:30 I tried to rest, and Kyle Foote called to check in on me and said they went to Universal Studios today so I am glad they are having fun. They are going to the beach tomorrow and then heading back to Vegas and home on Monday.

I can only have Bill here while Kyle is away. I am not worried about Kyle, but Bill is sure to say something offensive because he doesn’t have any filter anymore. He already bitches to me that Kyle is a convict and that he doesn’t pay rent and just other little things that while I know he’s just being nutty, I don’t want to hear it but just let it roll off my back.

When Bill finally got up, he kept wanting to interact with me, but I just needed my own space at times. Even when  I tried to go to bed, he didn’t take the clues, so I was up and down doing the laundry until at least 10 at night. I was so achy and tired but am grateful that I am not having to have someone do my laundry. 

29 January 2023 Sunday

I know now that I really would have a hard time having someone live with me as I have a certain set morning routine. The hardest thing about Bill Poore, like Ben Anderson years ago, is that they don’t know how to entertain themselves and leave me alone to have some space to myself. I know some of it is Bill’s loneliness so I try to be patient, but he would be with me constantly chatting without really conversing if I let him. For me to do so, I would have to devote my constant attention to him and shout so he could hear me and even then, he doesn’t hear most of what I say so he’s mostly in his own world.

            After asking him to leave me alone for a bit so I can post this Day in Gay Utah History which I made a commitment to this year, I later made him breakfast of sausage and pancakes.

After having done 7 loads of laundry last night and this morning, we, and when I say we, I mean me, I went through his clothes and eliminated more than half that he never will wear. I have a huge pile sitting in my bedroom that needs to go to Deseret Industries. I then walked the pups around 10 this morning and it was lightly snowing but I knew it would be their only walk.

Then back at his place on Fourth East, on this snowy day, I dropped him off and fortunately I found a parking spot on the street not far from his apartment. In his studio I put a new mattress pad over the mattress that was probably bad 5 years ago. I put new sheets and a comforter on it too. Now making up a bed might not seem like much work, but it was a queen size with only about 18 inches from the wall, so I had to keep pushing the bed from one side to the other.

Before making the bed, I got down and swept up under the bed some more. Yesterday I filled up a trash bag and almost had as much time.

Since the bed was made and cleared off, I had Bill go lie down to stay out of my way while I then had to find a place to put his clean clothes. I had to clean out the closets and organize them as well as find a place for his books and other stuff he had piled in boxes so I could clean.

Ever think you are done, and you find another mess? That was my constant challenge. I found so many clothes, shoes, and bedding to fill six full garbage bags that will go to DI along with what is at my house. No human being needs that many clothes. Honestly.

Finally, after a half dozen trips to the dumpster, I was able to clean out his refrigerator, which was a health department nightmare since the power had been off. Even then the interior was filthy from having never been clean. Bill, because he’s not all clear headed, kept trying to convince me that his place got this way because he had been gone to the hospital and care center for a month, but it was easy to see the place has not been cleaned in at least a year or longer. There was also so much wasted food and duplicate items that he just bought rather than use up like at least 5 half empty brown gravy jars. There was 10 lb. spiral  ham he had in there since Christmas in there, and a store-bought meat loaf and a bucket of KFC chicken  and so much other spoiled stuff  I had to lug out.

After making a pathway to his bathroom and emptying his fridge I had enough, and I took Bill back to my house to spend the night. I filled my car with bags of clothes  to go to DI and I will go  back tomorrow to his studio to do some more work in the kitchen and bathroom. We were also hungry and thirsty and was not about to touch anything there.

At the house I made breaded chicken fried chop steak mashed potatoes with milk gravy, and green beans like mom used to make. I was too tired to fix anything fancy. Just simple country cooking for simple people.

After doing the dishes and cleaning I laid down with the pups but couldn’t take a nap because it was nearly 5 and I knew I’d have to feed the pups, which I did around 5:30.

Kyle Foote sent me a picture of Adrian Villalobos and him at the Santa Monica Beach Pier and wrote me “We bought you a souvenir magnet from the pier for your fridge.” I wrote back, “Cool did you buy one too for yours?” I miss the ocean some times because I spent so much of my youth there, but I get to view these mountains every day.”

For the rest of the evening Bill and I sat in the recliners and watched television, I mean I watched television while he went on and on reminiscing about all the sex, he had in New York City when he was young and other adventures.

It’s a good thing Bill regales me with stories of celebrities he worked with in New York and while I knew he was friends with Yvonne Ritter I cleaned forgot he was friends with International Chrysis a famous Trans from the 70s  before it got trendy. Tits as hard as rocks by the crap they use to inject back then... I am rambling.

I am in a quandary about the money Bill gave me today. I told him I was doing this out of friendship, but he insisted I take the money saying who was he going to leave it to? His family doesn’t need it as they are all well off. I also knew that this was Bill’s way of saving some of his dignity since he cannot help in any way with his apartment and he knows it. So, I took his checks and will decide whether to cash them or not. I probably will and put them in savings and I can help Bill buy things he needs like a dormitory refrigerator.

30 January 2023 Monday

Another really busy day taking care of Bill Poore’s apartment. When I got up, he was still asleep even at 8, so I just let him, but he was up shortly after that, all scary looking with frizzed out hair and beard that hasn’t been cut probably in 2 years or more, and a swollen Popeye looking left eye. I have no idea when was the last time that he bathed but I know he washes his face, and he doesn’t smell because he does wear clean clothes mostly.

            He didn’t really want anything more than coffee and he had a few of the cinnamon rolls I had baked earlier but we were back at his place by 10 after I walked the pups. It was a clear, pretty day but extremely cold, down into the teens.

            Bill went and lay on his bed while I finished cleaning up a path in the front room and then went to work on the kitchen. His landlord Bart Johnson was coming over to look at the fridge and Bill’s outlets so I wanted to get the mess in the kitchen cleaned up before he came over. I had to throw out a lot of plastic containers and lids as well as anything I thought disgusting and beyond use or cleaning. I did up all his dishes, rearranged things for easier access, scrubbed out his microwave that was truly filthy inside and out, and cleaned the top and outside of his oven range that was truly grimy.

            When Bart Johnson showed up the kitchen was at least decent although later I had to scrub the filthy floor. Johnson said he would replace the fridge tomorrow, probably with a dormitory one because Bill truly doesn’t need a huge one. Also, the outlets all were working so Bill must have plugged stuff in wrong.

            Anyway, later Bill said he needed to get some bandages to replace the one on his forearm where they had removed skin to cover the cancer they removed from his forehead. He also wanted to get some antiseptic and reading glasses.

So, as I was driving him to Walgreen’s he asks where were we going and what were we getting there. He had already forgotten as his short-term memory is about gone. Anyway, I went in with him and got what we needed without too much drama. Since he said he was hungry we stopped at nearby KFC/A&W, and I got him a chicken dinner and I ordered some onion rings. I wasn’t all that hungry, but Bill insisted I get something, or he wouldn’t order anything.

            So back at the Studio apartment, I got the kitchen pretty clean as much as I could without major overhaul, scrubbed and washed the floor, then went into the front room, took up his carpet rug and swept and mopped his hard wood floors before laying the carpet back down and vacuuming it. I was starting to wear down when Kyle Foote called and said they were about a half an hour from being home. Then later he called and asked if I would just pick Adrian Villalobos up at Club Verse where Kyle had a meeting. It gave me an excuse to quit for the day.

I went and picked up Adrian, took him home, and fed him some chicken soup and roasted chicken as he said he was hungry.

            Although I was fatigued, I took the pups for an afternoon walk and it was still frigid out in the low 20’s. I must have been tired because after taking off their leashes I went up and laid down when I heard this scratching like TJ at the door but Maxx, TJ, and Taco were looking out the window but I couldn’t see Lulubelle. I looked for her then checked the front door and there she was. I guess she didn’t follow me in and had been left outside but the sweet thing just stayed on the porch. I was so relieved.

            It was near their supper time and after feeding them I went and lay back down when Bill Poore called again. He asked if I had done anything to his television which I hadn’t, and more concerning was he said he was out of paper towels and toilet paper. I just about lost it then because the whole time we had been over there he didn’t know he was out of toilet paper. He then started talking crazy like he was going to walk down to 7-Eleven and buy some when I told him it was way too cold for him to be outside let alone the fact he can hardly walk to the street. I was too exhausted to do anything more but hope some sense kicks in. He has a nephew that lives only a little way from him that he could have called if Bill was thinking clearly.

            Chuck Whyte called me yesterday, so I called him back and mainly vented about the condition Bill is in and how he’s not getting any help from his family or from governmental agencies for seniors. Chuck knows a lot of places I can call or get his family to call. I told Chuck I would take him to the store this Wednesday. I need to have blood drawn for a doctor’s appointment that I have on the Second of February.

            Kyle finally came home around 8:30 when I was already in bed, but he had called earlier and asked if there was anything to eat in the house, so I got up and heated up some corn, mashed potatoes, and the meatloaf that Jim Dabakis had brought over the other day.

            He was super tired so didn’t visit any more than just a short time about his adventure with Adrian in California. Adrian was up sitting next to him, being sweet and loving. Made my heart glad. I shared very little about Bill except that I have been cleaning and his short-term memory is gone.

            Earlier over at Bill’s place he started talking about how he wanted to make it right between him and Kyle and I said absolutely not that I never wanted them in the same place at the same time. I said you dislike him, and he dislikes you and I am not going through the trauma from two years ago. He doesn’t realize that he says hateful things to me about Kyle that he doesn’t even realizes what he’s saying. He has no filter and gets really upset when you tell him he is being inappropriate. I cannot trust Bill in the mental state he is in, not to say something offensive.

            Anyway, that was my long day and tomorrow I need to go to Walmart and buy things he needs like a new Microwave, a toaster, and waste paper basket and paper products. I also need to get his family involved when I get his place cleaned.

            Before going to bed, I just saw that Cindy Williams died on January 25, but I didn’t see anything about her death in the news from the. I remember her from American Graffiti and Laverne and Shirley.

            Having to change passwords all the time is difficult. For Google, its maxx&tj&lulubelle, and for AFCU its April10@1951

31January 2023 Tuesday

It was nine degrees this last morning of January-Brrr, and it never warmed up to even freezing today. It was way too cold to walk the pups but when I got home from chores I did for Bill, I walked them because they were dying to go.

            Anyway, I went to Walmart at 9 this morning and bought Bill Poore a smaller new microwave, a toaster, a trash can and laundry basket, toilet paper and paper towels and others things he would need.

While there at the First America Credit Union inside Walmart I deposited the money Bill had given me. They only had remote tellers that I talked to through a television screen. That was a new experience for me. Anyway, the money is safe, and I can use it for Bill as I think he’d just lose it.

I was over there by 10 and shortly after that his new fridge was delivered and thank goodness, I was there so I could scrub the floor where the old one was and while the old one was being taken out, I scrubbed the floor that was beneath it of the scum that had accumulated as I did not want a new one place over a dirty floor. Those guys also helped carried out the old huge microwave to the dumpster so I could set up his new one.

            His fridge was just the right size for him and so I then went to Smith's at 9^th and 9^th to get groceries for his new fridge. I hadn’t been to that Smith’s in years and I was not that surprised that it was far more stocked with items than the Rose Park Smith. I bought a few things for myself that Rose Park doesn’t carry.

            Anyway, I stocked up on what I thought Bill could use and I bought him a fried Chicken dinner for his lunch.

            Back at his place I put everything away for him, showed him how to use the new Microwave and finally finished the studio area so he can have care givers come over and won’t have to be embarrassed. I also checked his car for his hearing aids which who knows where they might be and saw that he has a flat tire on his car so even if it wasn’t out of gas, he wouldn’t be able to drive it, which is a good thing.

            When I got ready to leave, Bill said he couldn’t find his house key. So that is something I will have to get made tomorrow from the spare one he gave me.

            Before heading home, I stopped back at Walmart and bought a small vacuum and wash cloths and other thing I saw that he needed. I wanted to get him a better broom and was surprised that Walmart didn’t have what I wanted so I stopped at Sutherlands on the way home and got it.

 I was pooped by then but satisfied with how his placed looked and now he can concentrate on getting hearing aids. I hope.

I was hungry myself and had a bowl of Taco Soup at home and tried to rest some. I noticed that his brother-in-law Jim Harvey left a message so I texted him back and for much of the evening we texted back and forth between each other. The bottom line is that Bill can’t expect much help from his siblings with their own health issues and Jim, I can tell, is super frustrated at Bill’s stubbornness and his attitude towards the health professionals. Jim’s take on the matter is completely different than Bill’s who thinks he left Woodland’s on good terms while Jim said that the place wanted to get rid of him because he was so uncooperative and argumentative.  That I believe.

Anyway, so ends the month of January 2023 which I am glad to see it go as I was so sick at the start of it and had computer issues.

Today and yesterday, however, were the coldest days we had all month and mostly it’s been relatively mild for January.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FEBRUARY

1 February 2023 Wednesday

I took Chuck Whyte to Smith’s Grocery Store on 4th South and 5th East at 11:30. While there I had two keys made to Bill Poore’s apartment and I bought him a new wallet to replace the raggedy one he had that was falling apart.  While at Smith’s I saw Kevin Hillman who was on his way to Idaho to buy a lottery ticket. We visited for a bit.

            Chuck damn nearly bought out the store and wasn’t done until 1 in the afternoon but being the first of the month he probably got his disability and wanted to stock up. May be God is keeping me alive to do service for my friends.

            After taking Chuck back to his place, I went down the street to Bill Poore and let myself in with the little vacuum, broom and dust pan, and wash clothes I bought yesterday for him as well I what I bought for him today.

            I changed out his wallet, vacuumed, and saw that the kitchen was fairly cleaned so I just straightened a bit and wiped down what he probably couldn’t see. While I was there Jim Harvey popped in to get Bill’s television working again with Xfinity and I didn’t stay long after that as I had to go get blood drawn at the Redwood Clinic. I have Dr Stoneburner wellness check up tomorrow and almost forgot to get labs; it’s always something.

            I stopped and got gas at Rose Park Smith’s. It’s back up to $3.49 a gallon but I had 20 cents a gallon credit. I then went to Lucky’s and bought a bunch of chicken and some eggs. Chuck said he paid $7 for a dozen at his Smiths while I paid $5 at Lucky’s.

 Back at the house, I was gone so much this afternoon that I didn’t see Adrian but could tell he had been home and ate a little of some rice and meat I had cooked up. I haven’t heard from him, but I made a Latin America stewed Chicken with onions, peppers, potatoes, and tomatoes for Adrian. I didn’t see or hear from Kyle at all.

            I posted on People of Utah Face Book site an article on Vilate Crosby the African American woman who was brought to Utah as a slave in 1848 and was the mother of Oscar Crosby and Hark Lay who were with Brigham Young in 1847 and mother-in-law to Green Flake. It’s Black History Month so that’s my contribution.

 

2 February 2023 Thursday

Merry Candlemas for my Pagan Friends. This Cross Quarter day signals half way between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox. Hold on Spring is coming. I love Candlemas because it’s when the northern part of the earth starts to stir.

            I had a Wellness Check-up at the Redwood Clinic this morning at 8:25 with Dr. Stoneburner. Everything was fine except my iron levels are still low. I had a Vitamin B-12 shot so it was good to go until March 17^th when Dr. Stoneburner wants me to return. I told him that I had Covid and a cold on the first of the year.

After I was done by 10, I went to the Pioneer Road Branch of First America Credit Union to deposit Bill Poore’s check. This will be the last time I go to that branch. They only had two tellers and one was taken up the whole time by a senior couple who were nuttier than a fruit cake and I felt sorry for that teller and the free one was a Spanish speaker with limited English skills. She had two people in front of me who had issues, so I was standing in line for 15 minutes when I just needed to make a deposit. She criticized how Bill wrote out the check and I said the person was old and she should just deal with it.

            After that I went to Deseret Industries at Welfare Square and dropped off 10 bags of Bill’s clothes. So that’s done. I went inside to look around and it was still pretty empty, so I didn’t buy anything. I just went to Smith’s to pick up the prescription Dr. Stoneburner ordered for me.

            At home I was roasting a whole chicken in the oven and reheating the Latin Stewed Chicken I made yesterday for Adrian. He came up to eat about the time Jim Dabakis dropped by to see Taco before leaving tomorrow for Mexico, then Cuba, and then Manila. He’ll be gone for a month at least. His ex-husband and him are on good terms and Steve Justesen said Jim could always stay at their old homes.

            Anyway, Mike Romero called about some tax questions and I said I had some neuropathy pills for him that Bill had given him. I went over to Mike’s place for a visit. I know he is worried about Coco getting feeble.

            For the rest of the day, I just cleaned the house some, and watched some television in the evening, especially a documentary of the hippo problem in Columbia before heading to bed around 9:30.

3 February2023 Friday

Finally, a day I just stayed home and did nothing. The only time I went out was to walk the pups this morning. I have been posting in People of Utah’s Past Facebook site histories of members of The Bank’s black pioneer ancestors for Black History Month. So far, I posted about Vilate Crosby, her sons Oscar Crosby and Hark Lay as well as Francis Grice whose son married into the family. I am glad because some of the comments are like this one, “I remember being told as a child that Utah never practiced slavery. My home teachers said that because the pioneers were exiled and used to persecution and hard work, they sympathized with enslaved people and helped free them. A myth I believed into adulthood.”

            Kyle Foote was home this morning for a video meeting and at noon Adrian Villalobos came home so I fixed them some lunch of the chicken fried chopped pork steak  I made the other day. Club Verse had put up their permanent signage yesterday. After the boys gave me a hug and went downstairs, I didn’t see them for the rest of the day.

            I did a lot of laundry today and some household chores but nothing that spectacular. When I finally went to lay down there was a knock on the door and answering it there was a man with a civil summons for Kyle Foote. He is being sued for $1200 for money he owed on  a credit card.

            That was about as much excitement as I had for the day and just watched some television before going to bed around 9:30.

            There’s a Chinese Spy balloon flying across the United States and a polar vortex storm is hitting the North East states with temperatures as low as 50 below zero with the wind chill.

Florida’s sicko Republicans led by DeSatan want to track teenage girls menstrual cycles. I am sure some anti Trans GOP pervert will introduce it in Utah and Texas.

4 February2023 Saturday

I was wakened at 1:15 by someone pounding loudly on the front door which also woke up the pups. I went down and looked through the peep hole, no one was there, and I quickly locked the front door and other doors to the house. I looked out the window and could  not see anyone around so went back to bed. It creeped me out since Mom and Dad were kidnapped in the middle of the night in Palmdale.

            Later this morning Kyle Foote called me and said that he heard the banging on the door also and when he got up no one was there either. Weird. 

I messed around with trying to create a Word Press Account and a Go Daddy domain, but I just can’t figure it out. I paid $35 to Go Daddy  with a confirmation number of 2460749754 but can’t figure it out.

            Early this morning I made and baked some Zucchini Bread using up the last of my frozen zucchini. I doubt whether I will grow anymore. I wanted to bring some over to Bill Poore.

So, after walking the pups I did a check in on Bill Poore who was resting a lot. I cleaned the place to keep it up and it wasn't too bad. I took out his trash and swept the place and did up his dishes. I also did some grocery shopping for him at the 9^th & 9^th Smiths. I bought him more bottled water, cokes, soups, deli meat and bread. I got him some small containers of apple sauce and fruit cocktail, as I was worried, he wasn’t getting any fruit. I just bought anything easy for him to fix. He seems to be doing okay but was tired, so I didn’t stay long.

I didn’t interact with anyone else except when I was walking the pups in the afternoon my neighbor Carlos Bahena’s asked about buying the Sonoma truck for his son. I think I will.

            Kyle posted a review the City Weekly did on Loco Burger. It’s amazing how this unused kitchen next to Manny’s Bar has been transformed with some great imagination on Kyles’ part and the hard work of the owners who are super nice. I ate there once before the official opening and could not finish the great burger...Jim Dabakis said he ate there a while ago and thought it delish. It is nice to  see a local business thrive.

            The air is unhealthy and in the Red Zone, but it warmed up into the 40’s today.

5 February 2023 Sunday

I only interacted with Kyle Foote and Adrian Villalobos when they came upstairs to see me after having gone to brunch at Our Kitchen North Salt Lake, It’s kind of becoming their Sunday tradition. Kyle then went off to work and Adrian back downstairs.

            I only walked the pups once as it was cold out and a snow storm blew in the afternoon. I did talk to Mike Romero finally and he said the neuropathy pills I gave him seemed to work so much better than what he had been taking. He also said that $1500 seemed like a fair price for the Sonoma.

            Other than that, it was kind of a do-nothing day although I cooked a pot of pinto beans and some cornbread. Nothing earth shaking in my little world. I should have mopped the floors, but I was being too lazy.

6 February 2023 Monday

Chuck called me to tell me it was Bill Poore’s birthday. I was sure he was wrong as I thought for sure his birthday was on the 8^th as that is what I always had in my journal but on Facebook it said it was today. However, talking to Bill, when he called me, I told him I would take him to Charlie Chows on Wednesday at 11. However, I doubt whether he will remember. He said his brother Ross wants to send me some money to help Bill. That is nice but unnecessary.

            It was snowing here for most of the morning and I didn’t even walk the pups until after 3:30 but by then it had warmed up for the snow to have all melted.

It was Adrian Villalobos’ day off from work and when he came home from the gym in the late afternoon, he added “Say Hi” onto his phone which is the app I use to talk to him and we sat and chatted for the longest we ever had.

 I learned more this afternoon then I ever had and how much he loves Kyle Foote and how he misses his family in Columbia. He has an older brother in Columbia that had like some type of meningitis that left him like an infant who his mother has to attend to all his needs as he can’t get out of bed without assistance. Adrian sends a lot of his money home to help out his family.

            When I found out that his brother was just lying in bed and Adrian was saving up to buy him a television, I said I would give him $200 to send to his mother in South America to buy him one. In a way it will be from both Bill and me from the money Bill gave me for cleaning his apartment.

            Adrian went grocery shopping and I put away all his groceries in the fridges downstairs. He said he wants to eat healthier and go to the gym to “stay beautiful” for Kyle. LOL. Of all of Kyle’s boyfriends, Adrian is the most affectionate to me.

            I worked on the computer for most of the day and watched some television in the evening. I was watching “The Jetson’s” cartoon from the 60’s when Kyle came home. He looked really tired. He gave me a hug and went downstairs while Adrian fixed himself a bit of dinner in the kitchen. A lot of what was on the Jetson’s, like Zoom calls and such, has come true but so far, no flying cars. LOL.           

I had an alert from America First CU that my checking account was low but when I tried to get into it none of my passwords I could remember would work. It was a good thing I wrote the new one down in my journal so I could check for it. I transferred $1000 from my Savings to my Checking Account.

I am getting $1,417.60  in social security after taxes now with the little bump they did for people.  It seems to come during the first week of the month now instead of the middle.  My state pension is around  $2,328.16  month  so I have an income of around $3750 a month. Which is about $936  a week, which breaks down to around $23.50 an hour for a 40-hour work week.

A major earthquake hit Turkey and Syria with authorities projecting as many as 20,000 people dead.

7 February 2023 Tuesday

This Morning I went to America First CU in Lee’s Market to pull out $250 for Adrian Villalobos so he can sed money home to Columbia to buy his invalid brother a television and he said he has to order his birth certificate so he can also apply for work permits. When he came home from school, I gave him the money and then walked the pups as it was a nice day out.  Afterwards I took TJ down to the Dog Grooming school and had his nails trimmed as they were starting to get long and snag things.

            I tried to take a little nap when Kyle Foote called and wanted me to print out something for him that Adrian came by and took to him. I never saw Kyle any today. I walked the pups again, fed them and then got ready to go to the men’s group tonight. But before leaving Carlos Bahena from next door came over with his son to look at the Sonoma. I guess they still want to buy it and will come over this Friday to jump it and see how it runs. I think Carlos was impressed at what good shape the truck is in for being so old.

            Anyway, I went off to the Pride Center and there was a good turnout of probably at least 20 men or more. Lots of new ones looking for community. I sat next to Paul Milne again and saw that Dan Fahndrich had come with a friend and it was good to see Dwight Wood there. Bill Blevins showed a short film on a Gay man talking to his Gay uncle who was ill in bed and unresponsive as a topic of conversation.

The discussion was good and I know the men are hungry for community as something seems to be missing from their lives. Perhaps purpose. Two young men, one black and one white told how they had been rejected by their families and an older man talked about the emotional pain he was in about leaving his wife of 30 years to have an authentic life. His story was similar to mine with Fran over 30 years ago. He and one of the younger guys talked about suicide attempts even.  At least they had a safe space to share their feelings among Gay men who care.

            After the meeting was over, I went down to Loco Burger to see Kyle and Adrian and only Adrian was there working. I gave him an hug and then came back home where I saw Kyle’s vehicle in the drive way, so he was home, but I didn’t bother him.

Around 9 I  received a phone call from Bill Poore saying he was not up to going to lunch tomorrow and I had already decided I would take him Chinese food rather than go out but he said he was not feeling well and unsteady on his feet and needs to go to the VA hospital for a checkup. I said I would come over tomorrow morning at 10 and pick him up.

            President Biden gave his State of the Union Address and typically the classless GOP buffoons booed and interrupted. It is telling that the Republicans would chose a known liar like Sarah Huckabee to give the GOP response to President Biden's State of the Union Address.  The GOP seems to be now a Group of Psychopaths.

8 February 2023 Wednesday

Bill Poore called early his morning and said he was too tired to go to the VA Hospital today and just wanted to stay in bed all day. I told him to call me if anything changes. I was honestly relieved but would have taken him.

            I took Taco down to the Dog Groomers and had his nails trim instead and tomorrow I have an appointment to have Lulubelle groomed.

            Back at the house I decided I better do some house cleaning of my own and I swept and mopped my floors from the mud that the dogs track in since everything is melting and I don’t have any grass anymore in the backyard. I wonder if I ever will.

            Anyway, I never saw Kyle Foote again today but actually spent some time with Adrian Villalobos who ate lunch here when he came home from school. We talked about how he wants to eat healthier and also had a long conversation through the “Say Hi” translation app about his relationship with Kyle and his own life.

He showed me pictures on his phone of when he was a model and was Mr. Columbia. He was so much more buff and I know he wants to get that way again but actually I think he’s more handsome now without all that muscle mass.

He told me that he has nothing to do with his father as that he was raped by him as a child, and he told me that he became Gay because of it. I didn’t say that is not how you become Gay but that is what he thinks. He said he had a bad childhood also. When I hear stories like his I am even more grateful that I had a fairly normal childhood with my family.

Because he was a model, lots of men wanted to have sex with him but they didn’t care about him. He said they just wanted to “leche” with him. Leche is the Spanish term for “cum.”

            He said he had slept with some women but that he is so big that it would hurt them so he never could orgasm with them. I asked if he was too big then to penetrate Kyle but he said that he had only a few times as that in their relationship, Kyle is mostly the top and had only been fucked a few times by Adrian. I said that being in love is more important than what goes where and he is so in love with Kyle and I believe Kyle is with him.

He said that he would be completely faithful to Kyle and believes that Kyle is with him. I don’t believe that Kyle’s sexual needs will ever keep him completely faithful as I already saw that he had some Latin guy over last year when he and Adrian were dating and Adrian was staying here. That doesn’t mean that Kyle isn’t in love with Adrian because he glows whenever he is with him. He posted a picture of him and Adrian on Facebook after getting off work while from Manny’s and Kyle was absolutely beaming and they both were looking handsome.

            Adrian wanted to know if I was still sexually active and I told him about occasionally getting together with Kimball Edwards who is about the same age as Adrian. He asked if I liked younger guys and I said that I like being with Kimball but I am not particularly attracted to just young men, just men in general. He seemed pleased that I was still having sex at my age. I know he likes older guys and that is why he is so attracted to Kyle. I told him that just looking at Kyle also makes me happy.

            So, we had a pretty long in depth talk about life and sex which I never ever had with Kyle because he is so uptight about talking to me. I don’t think I’d have been so snoopy if he would have just shared his life more with me. But Kyle is full of secrets. That I know firsthand.

            It was refreshing to visit with Adrian about sex  which made me feel more a part of their lives like family. Adrian as we shared the app would touch me in a gentle way to show he thought I was approachable and he let me rub his hand. It was all non-sexual but just to let each other know we care. Adrian tells me he loves me for all that I have done for him and you know that is all I ever needed.

            When Adrian had to go off to Loco Burger, I gathered up a lot of clothes, blankets, and dishes to take down to DI. I wanted to get rid of more stuff as I did not want to be like Bill with so much stuff that others would have to get rid of.

            I then went grocery shopping and bought Adrian some pineapple and cantaloupe for his fruit drinks he makes. I also needed to buy some more chicken for the pups.

            When I walked them this morning the weather was clear and warm for February but in the late afternoon it turned cold with some snowflakes, so they didn’t get a second walk.

            I fed the pups but TJ didn’t eat any of his so I will have to watch out for him. I then watched some of the Archer series but was suddenly tired so just went to bed super early around 8 o’clock.

9 February 2023 Thursday

I had Lulubelle groomed today and wish they wouldn’t stick these barrettes on her head. They think it is cute. I think it makes her look like a goat. I'd take them off but they glue them on so just have to wait until they fall off. It’s been a busy week at the groomers because I had TJ and Tacos nailed trimmed back. I spend more on the pups than I do myself lol.

            I didn’t interact much with Adrian Villalobos and didn’t see Kyle Foote at all. When Adrian came home from school, he showed me pictures of his invalid brother enjoying the television I bought him. He’s bed ridden and doesn’t communicate but you could see the smile on his face. I told Adrian I was happy to make his brother’s life a little happier.

            After that I spent much of the afternoon cleaning the garage. The north half was littered and piled with Kyles tools and power equipment just thrown there so I organized and placed things where they could be found easier. Kyle will probably bitch but it’s still my house and I was tired of me barely able to fit my car into my side of the garage. I also swept the garage out and also cleaned the back of the Sonoma’s bed that had trash in it. It was tiring but felt like doing some Spring Cleaning although it’s not Spring.

            I walked the pups twice as the day was nice out and after feeding them, I just watched some TV and tried to rest. However, the house kind of smelled like wood smoke and I looked all over but could not find the source but it also smelled outside. I called Kyle I think mostly just to talk to him and he said to check the furnace and it was fine so I guess it was just from outside somewhere and filtered onto the house.

I finished watching all 13 seasons of Archer on Hulu and watched a couple of episodes of Community and The Kids Are Alright, a show that should never have been canceled after only 1 season.

Yep, Face Book flagged me for posting a Raw Story interview where James Carville attacked Marjorie Taylor Greene calling her White Trash a name that goes against "Community Standards. They said I had to delete it even though I didn't write it and anyone can access other news out lets.  When I first posted it, I wrote, "Facebook would have put me in Face Book Jail is I would have said this."  Well, they didn't ban me but made me delete it.  Tell me how I am not on their Shit List.

Burt Bacharach died the other day, but news just released today. He was 94 and composed many of the greatest songs of the 1960s. He wrote mostly contemporary pop music when the Beatles and other rock and rollers were on the radio. The Look of Love will always be my favorite. Thanks for the music of my youth RIP Burt.

10 February 2023 Friday

I visited Adrian Villalobos when he came home from the gym and decided to fill the hot tub as it was low on water. I don’t think it had been used since Adrian’s birthday last November. I had to run a hose from the front yard spigot since the backyard one broke last year and is shut off. Anyway, that was done and I tried to look for the title to the truck but I could not locate it even after going through everything.

            As I was bored and thought I would help Adrian and Kyle Foote have more space in their room I decided to help by packing away their Christmas tree they still had up downstairs. I cleared it all away and put it beneath the stairs in the storage area and then just kind of rested. Bill Poore called and asked if I would take him to a VA appointment on the 23^rd of this month, which I said I would.

            Around 5 Carlos Bahena from next door came over to start the Sonoma with jumper cables. I then sold the 1998 Sonoma pickup truck for $1500. I gave him a bill of sale and he said he would go to the DMV for the title.

Carlos wanted it for his son and said he’d fix whatever might be wrong with it. The truck has been sitting since last September when something went wrong with the back wheel after carrying tons of rock. I bought it brand new and had the truck for 25 years and at one time had a cab shell over it and a futon wherein I could sleep while traveling.  I was in it when I accidently took LSD at a Lazy Bear Rendezvous in Guerneville CA.  I am glad that its next door and someone else can enjoy it. I guess if I need a truck, I can rent one or borrow one...good bye old pal.

            So, it was a busy day puttering around the house and yard. In the backyard I saw that the tile Kyle had laid down was starting to crack and flake. I also want to move the remaining wood chip mulch off the patio and spread it out front.

            I watched a bit of TV and didn’t eat much before heading to bed around 9.

11 February 2023 Saturday

I woke up to an angry tirade that Kyle Foote posted on my messenger criticizing and complaining about me being in his room taking down the Christmas tree. Instead of thanking me for it he bitched me out and I am so tired of his being ungrateful for everything I try to do just to be helpful. Everything he has is because of me. So, I am done engaging with him. There’s no sense to it when he gets like this.

Rather than stay home and be despondent, I went to check up on Bill Poore and go grocery shopping at Smith’s for him. I didn’t have to clean much as I was surprised how well he’s keeping up the place. I just took the trash out, swept and washed some of his dishes. He's tired a lot but that is too be expected.  He had a huge TV right by his bed but the problem is that as loud as the volume goes, he still can hardly hear it and he's too blind for closed caption.

I had to read him all his mail today by shouting. It’s a good thing I still have my teacher’s voice. I know he appreciates it unlike some people I know.  

I drove by Beans and Brew by Liberty Park on the way home and saw their sign saying serving SLC since 1993. At first, I thought “big deal” then realized that was 30 years ago. I am so old.

I did a lot of work around the place yesterday, filling the hot tub, sweeping the back yard patio and I was going to do more but Kyle’s attitude just hit me hard and made me tired so after I finished walking the pups, I took a nap.

Chuck Whyte called in the late afternoon and asked if I would take him to get some pain medicine for his neuropathy that he will be out of on Monday. I said sure and that I’d some over at 9:30 in the morning.

In the evening I made a chicken pot pie but I was too lazy to make a pie crust so just flattened some biscuits. It looked good and I wanted something at the time but after it was finished cooking, I didn’t eat any as I have no appetite. I am not sure why I bother cooking because it's just  me. It’s probably more out of habit. A face book friend named Roland Ron Holmgren  posts all the delicious things he makes for his dinner which is so much food I never could eat it all anyway.  Maybe  the pups will enjoy it.

I then started watching Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds on the Criterion channel when around 8 I was surprised to see Kyle come up stairs and sit in a chair. I didn’t say a word to him until he spoke first. He apologized and said he was sorry and should not have used such harsh language at me this morning. I could tell he was contrite as well as he should be. I know that he values his personal space so much and I probably crossed that line when I thought I was helping by putting away his tree. He talked about why he was so upset but not as an excuse but for me to understand why he went off like he did.

Of course, his apology melted away any resentment I had towards him and I felt like a weight had been lifted. Kyle said that Adrian Villalobos was so upset that Kyle and I had words, so Kyle took a picture of him and me to send to Adrian at Loco Burger to show that things were okay.  So that was that, and Kyle went back to Club Verse for the evening. He did tell me that he was nostalgic over the truck being sold. It was his main vehicle before going to prison and he used it a lot even afterwards.

Kimberley Giles commented on Facebook reminding me that Mike Romero had sold his pickup to them for Alyse when she graduated from High School  and now, I sold my truck to the neighbors who live in their old house for their teenage son.

12 February 2023 Sunday

Michael Aaron sent me a message this morning saying, “I'm looking into the feasibility of creating a book of your Lambda Lore columns, which would be a huge undertaking. I wanted to get your thoughts on it before I took too much time figuring it out. Do you like the idea? It would be similar to the Petunia book on Amazon. They print on demand and we determine the price. It would be in paperback, hardcover, and Kindle. Oh, and I'd make sure Gay is capitalized throughout, lol.

            I replied “Go for it whatever you think is relevant to the growth of the community throughout the years. I'd leave out the ones I wrote on national events and only include Utah primarily. Your call. I am busy posting on a FB site called People of Utah's Past on research I have done on People of Color for Black History Month... most post had been on white Mormons so I am shaking things up "Critical Race Theory" LOL taking about black slavery in Utah and other non-talked about people.”

            I went grocery shopping this morning at Lucky’s to fix lunches for Adrian next week. When I came home Adrian and Kyle were back from brunch at Our Kitchen. Last night Kyle asked me to go with them but I declined saying that it was kind of their special thing, and besides eating out is kind of wasted on me.

I saw that Carlos Bahena was outside with the Sonoma that he had looked at so I asked him what was wrong that it had made that noise. He said some bracket in the middle of the underbelly just needed repairing and the rear wheels need brakes. I was so glad that was all that was wrong with it. Now it has a nice life with a teenager.

13 February 2023 Monday

I took Chuck Whyte to pick up some Neuropathy medicine and at Walgreens on Fourth South. We went into the store so I could buy Bill Poore more bandages for his forehead and arm.

Chuck then wanted to go eat breakfast so we went to Village Inn up the street for my treat. For two breakfasts with tip, it was $35! I am so old that I remember when breakfast used to be the least expensive item you could have when eating out. Not anymore. Now it’s what a steak dinner used to be.  But that's okay because I am done going out to eat. I don’t really like it anymore and I don’t finish what  I order and I hate taking home left overs. I feel so stuffed from the little bit I do eat it’s just not enjoyable anymore. Everything has a season.

So, I think that portion of my life is over except for maybe going to a coffee house. I think I am not going to miss it either.

            Chuck was probably not feeling well and was in a sort of daze and I told him that if he was not going to have a conversation with me, I could have stayed home and eaten with the pups. The only reason to eat out is for the social aspect of it, certainly not for the food.

            After taking Chuck home I went over to Bill’s to change his dressing. I was going to change his sheets on his bed  but he said he was too tired to get out of bed. He said he called me but there was no message on my phone. I worry that he can’t remember the dosage of insulin  he has to take.  So, I swept a bit and took out his trash and went home to walk the pups. Still grateful that I am in fairly good health even if I am winding down on  going out to eat anymore, even with Kyle Foote and Adrian Villalobos. I think they had their Valentine’s Day date today because it was Adrian’s day off from work. He said they were going out to watch “Titanic” but I think he meant watching it downstairs.

            I spent almost the entire day home researching the life of Paul Cephas Howell who was a black cop and detective in Salt Lake at the turn of the 20^th Century. It was one of the postings I did for people of Utah Face Book for Black History month.

            This guy from Silver Daddies contacted me and wants to meet me for a massage. He said his name is Bruce and he is from Dorado Hills, California. This is what he sent me. “Hey Ben, I only have 2 messages here. Let’s talk by email. Lettmk at yah00 d0t c0m. Easygoing here to. Really enjoy massages and receiving head. Can penetrate you too. Great that you can host. Hope to connect soon. I come to SLC regularly. Respond to my email or send yours. Looking forward to connecting.” I guess he’s in SLC right now and downtown.

            I contacted Kimball Edwards the other day but he was rather non-committal about getting together.       

14 February 2023 Tuesday

I had a nice surprise this morning when Adrian Villalobos brought me a red rose for Valentine’s Day. That was a sweet surprise. After he went off to school, I made two spinach and mushroom  quiche pies. However, when Adrian came home, he informed me he doesn’t like mushrooms LOL Oh well  They freeze well or I will bring one to Bill Poore.

            Bill never called me about going to go put flowers on his mother’s grave since it’s her birthday, as he probably forgot all about it anyway. I am glad because that would have been a huge effort on his part.

            I posted on the People of Utah Site the story of Curly Crosby a black man who owned the Lone Star Bar on Second South. I think I am done posting these long biographies of Utah black folks from my research for Black History Month. Perhaps these stories are a way to redeem my racist youth. Not that I was ever mean, but I had very racist views; only because I tried to have a Southern Identity to set me apart from my Southern California friends perhaps in a way to hide that I was Gay.

            When Adrian came home from school he went to the Gym and then back home to eat some lunch of chicken and the Spanish rice I made which he really enjoyed he said. He also had me sit next to him to read the Say Hi app where he posted that Kyle Foote and he were in a fight over me taking the Christmas tree down. He said he appreciated it because he was so busy but Kyle was upset because he wanted to do it with Adrian, he said, but really, I think he was simply angry that I was in his space.

He told Adrian that he was going to leave me and Adrian told him to go ahead but he wasn’t going to leave me alone. Adrian stood up for me, which calmed Kyle down. I assured Adrian I wasn’t mad and that it wasn’t the first time Kyle’s been angry at me and probably won’t be the last. I said families often fight but love keeps you together. However, I know that Kyle’s last outburst has chipped away at my feelings for him.

            When Kyle left the house in the afternoon, I was outside and we hugged but it didn’t quite feel the same also when I went to Loco Burger after the Gay Men’s Meeting, we hugged again but, when before I would have wanted to stay and visit, I just left for home.

            There was a much smaller group tonight perhaps due to it being Valentines Day. Even Dwight Wood wasn’t there. About 3 men were in their 30s or younger with the rest middle age or seniors. We discussed Gay films for much of the meeting along with relationships and pornography. There was this very strangely exotic man who came in very late. He said his name was Starberry and an “asexual Gay man”. He had no qualms jumping into the discussion, which I rather liked even if his appearance was off putting as he was a very heavy set androgynous looking person. At first, I thought he was a fat woman who went to the wrong meeting. Ha! Can’t judge a book by its cover I suppose.

            I cleaned the house fairly well today because the guy named Bruce from Silver Daddies said he’d come over tomorrow around 3 for a massage. We will see.

I had a Valentine Card in the mail today from Jimmy Hamamoto which made me feel special. That and the rose Adrian gave me made this a happy valentine’s day.

15 February 2023 Wednesday

I went to see Bill Poore on this cold winter's day. I wanted to bring him a case of bottled water, some cokes, and I gave him one of the quiche I made the other day. I also gave him mini loaves of lemon pound cake. He says he's been sleeping a lot and tired. I noticed that the bump over his left eye and on his forehead has gotten bigger.

I did a quick kitchen clean, did the dishes  and took out his trash and then let him tell me stories of his involvement with San Diego's Diversionary Theater when he was a director there that his friend Charles Lago was producing. Richard Harmston  mentioned on Facebook that he and Charles Bigo had recently went to the theater there so it was on my mind. Richard later wrote me and asked, “Please tell Bill that he is still remembered (and admired) by staff at Diversionary Theatre.”

Charles Lago is a talent manager, and film and theater producer who is also known for having revived and produced Quentin Crisp's critically acclaimed one-man show, An Evening With Quentin Crisp.  Bill drove Quentin Crisp all around Southern California as his chauffeur. 

Bill directed a Gay play that just had two naked men on stage which was the first sold old performance at the Diversionary Theater and kind put the theater on the map. LOL.

He left after getting into a fight with one of the managers. Imagine that. He then came back to Utah, and was hired as an adjunct professor in the Theater Department at the U of U. I first met Bill when he was directing "Street Theater" about drag queens at Stonewall.

Sad thing now is that Bill is starting to not remember all that he has done. Getting old is a bitch.

I came home around 3 in the afternoon and Adrian Villalobos was back from the gym fixing himself a lunch of fried fish. I visited a little with him through the Say Hi app but we tried out speaking some English too.

I created a new Face Book group called "West Second South" where I am posting all the stories I have collected of the people and places that existed on Second South in city blocks 63 and 64 from 1847 forward.

I have posted on the People of Utah site for Black History Month stories of mostly forgotten pioneer African Americans but I felt like I was hijacking their site as they mostly were posting about white Mormons and I posted research as varied as Paul Howell Salt Lakes first black detective, Vilate Crosby the mother of two of the slaves on the This Is the Place Monument called "servants," as well as Lulu Johnson a prostitute who died in the Albany Hotel Fire and Curley Cosby who owned the notorious Lone Star Bar on Second South. Lots of people mostly forgotten and left out of Salt Lake History.

Raquel Welch has passed away. It seemed like most guys had a poster of her in their room when I was young. The only poster I ever bought and had in my dorm room was one of President Nixon being like Easy Rider on motorcycles. I have always been a bleeding-heart liberal once I hit college lol.

16 February 2023 Thursday

I was on the computer for much of the day transferring my research from the Pioneer Days of Block 63 and 64 to my new Face Book Page “West Second South”. I walked the pups twice and went to the store. Besides getting treats for the pups I bought myself a “white cake” as I was craving something sweet. I made some rice for Adrian Villalobos with whom I visited before he scurried off to work.

            I haven’t interacted with Kyle Foote since he came up to apologize. I said to myself  that I was over it but I don’t think I am. I think I have “Kyle fatigue” and I am more hurt by this last explosion towards me than I realize.

Years ago, when Charles Frost and I argued after all I had done for him, I was over him. Same with Ben Anderson when he and Mattias Lumaca took advantage of me when I was so vulnerable.  I had loved them but was over them almost immediately.  I wonder if that is what is happening with me about Kyle even though I haven’t admitted it.

I never know what is going on with him anymore; and his secrets are what have hurt me emotionally as well as financially. Sometimes I think Kyle has a mental disorder typified by his “instability in mood, behavior, and functioning.”

When he came out of prison, he had a clean slate and now who knows all that he is in trouble with besides the $1800 he owes the court every month which he still owes me for February. One can only take so much before love starts to fade and God know I have taken more than most would from him. They say hate is not the opposite of love but indifference is. That is what I am feeling right now.

17 February 2023 Friday

Worked on my West Second South for much of the day especially researching a pioneer German Baker and Grocer named Daniel Grenig until stopping to get ready for a sex date with this guy from Silver Daddies. He came over around 1, from Murray, and he said traffic on the freeway coming north was heavy, especially going into Salt Lake for this gigantic NBA playoff that SLC is hosting. It’s supposed to be a big deal with thousands coming to the city for it and streets around the Jazz Center will even be closed off.

            Anyway, “George” who also called himself, Ray and Bruce and said he was from Dorado California, was a 42-year-old guy not bad looking but when he was undressed and I began to massage him, his butt was incredibly hairy lol. I gave him a good back massage, as I promised, and when he turned over, I gave him a blow job but I wasn’t really into it as he was only slightly turgid sometimes flaccid, and never fully erect unless he was masturbating. I knew there was no way we would be having intercourse even though he claimed to be a top.

I accommodated him until he ejaculated but while he enjoyed himself it was kind of a dismal experience for me. He was simply a trick trying to get off although he said he’d like to see me again. Why wouldn’t he? But I got nothing from it and was not unhappy to see him leave.

            He was the only person I saw all day, except for once around 4 o’clock, I heard pounding on the front door again much like the other night. I was down for a nap but got up to answer the door but no one was there again and Kyle, who was home, came out to the front and said he didn’t see anyone. That’s about the only interaction we had all week. The person pounded on the door so hard that the key holder next to the door fell. Weird.

            I never saw Adrian Villalobos either as he has no school in the morning and Kyle was home so they stayed downstairs until Adrian went off to work. He wrote to me later that he was having a bad day but did not elaborate.

            Coincidently Kimball Edwards texted me back today saying why he hadn’t responded before. He said he had a cold and when he’s better we will get together. Actually, I am really fond of Kimball and realized after tricking today how much I do just enjoy cuddling with him when we do. It is enough.

            Bill Poore called be about the time I was feeding the pups and he said he gave his car to Santos his long time Mexican neighbor and $1500 to fix anything wrong with it. He said he felt like he did a good thing. He probably did. He is sometimes lucid and other times he doesn’t remember what he just did. I said I’d come over to do some grocery shopping for him.

            I then fed the pups and watched some television before heading to bed.

18 February 2023 Saturday

I didn’t see or hear from Kyle Foote nor Adrian Villalobos today. I suppose it doesn’t really matter. I went over to Bill Poore’s at 11 like I said I would. I knew he would be too tired to go grocery shopping or to the bank like he wanted so I just went grocery shopping for him at the 8^th and 9^th Smith so he will have food in the house for a week. I bought lots of food stuff he can simply microwave or make sandwiches with and spent all of the $100 he gave me plus a bit more. 

He was really tired so I left as soon as I put groceries up and emptied his trash. His giving his vehicle away to Santo’s neighbor who he’s known for 15 years was probably the wisest thing he could do since he has no driver’s license  and the vehicle was out of gas and had a flat tire. The car was also too much of a distraction for him because he kept thinking he might drive to the store or to the V.A.

It was nice out in the high 40s but kind of hazy so I am glad to be back home. I saw that Adrian was home but never came up to eat.

Little TJ had a rough night last night as he was hurting and kept waking me up. All I could do to comfort him was to pet the little guy.  I am not ready to lose him yet so I hope he bounds back. I also noticed that TJ was almost out of the Griller treats that he likes and because I needed to get Bill some mayonnaise, mustard, and paper towels which I had forgotten the other day, around 7 in the evening I went to the Rose Park Smiths and bought them all. When I got home, I noticed that I forgot to put the paper towels in my cart from the self-checkout stand. That was frustrating so I had to go back down and retrieve them.

After that I was in for the evening but didn’t watch any television but just worked on putting my research on the Face Book Page of West Second South

I saw that Stella Stevens died yesterday. I wonder if anyone from the original cast of the Poseidon Adventure is still alive  besides the kids. Then Rich Butler informed me that Gene Hackman is still alive.

19 February 2023 Sunday

I walked the pups this morning around 9:30 and it seems to be warmer than yesterday. I then went over to see Bill Poore to bring him the paper towels and condiments I bought for him last night. I went through a lot of his mail. I threw away a lot that had just been scattered on his bed. I stayed until about 1:30 and then came home to fix some lunch.

 Adrian Villalobos came up with a bunch of containers from downstairs for me to wash and he brought up two overripe bananas so I made three mini loaves of banana bread. I didn’t see Kyle at all. I guess I didn’t expect to. I gave Adrian a $100 bill and said he could use it or give it to his mother.

            I walked the pups one more time in the afternoon before just staying in for the rest of the evening. I tried watching some television, but except for some old sitcoms like Community and The Kids Are All Right there was not a whole lot that was interesting to me so I went to bed around 9:30.

            President Jimmy Carter is in the news as he went into home hospice as his life is coming to a close. So glad I lived during the time he was President. It shows how evil the Christian Right had become by helping defeat him in favor of Ronald Reagan the actor. It was just the beginning of the swing to Christian fascism that elected Donald Trump, truly a bad selfish person.

20 February 2023 Monday

I woke up at 1:30 in the morning when I heard the bathroom door close. I got up and looked around and found Adrian Villalobos sleeping in the spare bedroom. I figured Kyle Foote and he must have quarreled. My mind was wide awake and then I heard him get up and go down stairs and when he came back up to the spare bedroom, I went in to see what was going on. We had to communicate through the “Say Hi” app so some things might have been missed in the translation.

I guess Adrian got his fingers burned at work  and told someone there to shut up and Kyle shouted at him and they had a big fight and he thinks Kyle wanted to break up with him. 

I told him he will always have a home here as long as he wants and as it was nearly 3 in the morning by then I let him sleep. I then messaged Kyle and wrote “It’s none of my business what is going on but just know I love you and always will ... good times and bad times... that doesn’t change.”.

He wrote back, “We'll talk about it tomorrow. Adrian had a bad night at work and quit and left in a huff when his shift was almost over. Then he and I got in an argument because he left work and acted a fool at Loco Burger and Manny's. Like all of us, he has a strong sense of pride. I think he's done with me, but who knows? Maybe it'll blow over, or maybe he'll leave tomorrow. It's his decision either way. He refused to let me drive him home. For all I know he walked. I'm just relieved he's not out on the street in the cold.”

            I wrote back, “He is not done with you.” He thinks you are done with him. He needs his independence as so do you ... time to cool off ... you both are loved...He’s upstairs in the bedroom and I told him to get some sleep and go to School in the morning and things will get better.”

            Kyle said, “You can talk to him tomorrow. This is the second time he's iced me out. I love him, but I'm also not going to baby him. There's no school tomorrow, it's a holiday. I also made it very Clear he can live here even if we're not dating. But he's got his pride. Oh well. I'm going to get some sleep now that I know he made his way home.”

I replied, “I told him that also...he has a home here as long as he wants as well as you ...even after I’m gone.”

Well, I couldn’t sleep past 6:30 so got up and started my morning routine. When I noticed that Adrian was up around 10, I went in and sat on the bed with him and just held him in my arms to let him know he is loved, he has a home, and things will work out. He is certain that Kyle wants to break up with him and he feels disrespected by Kyle for “yelling” at him at Loco Burger. However, the bottom line is that he thinks Kyle had a boy hired to work at Loco Burger that he had been tricking with. Not sure whether that is true or not but wouldn’t surprise me. Kyle likes to fuck those Latin Boys.

I kept assuring Adrian that he did not have to move out and that he could stay as long as he wanted or needed. We moved him upstairs into the bedroom where I had cleared out some things for him. I think he needed time to process what just happened.

            Around 11:00 Kyle called me to tell me his side of the story and his frustration and how even though he feels he and Adrian have broken up he wants Adrian to have a place to live here. Adrian, I know is under the impression that Kyle owns some of the house and I informed him that this is my house and I let Kyle live here but he won’t own it until I die.

            I kind of truly felt in the middle but my natural inclination was to take care of the 25-year-old who feels alone and a stranger in a strange country. I know he feels lost right now quitting a job and losing a boyfriend he loves but doesn’t want to be hurt emotionally by him.

Adrian took off to see his brother-in-law in Murray to get some money back he loaned him in the afternoon while I tried to deal with all the junk I took out of the Spare Room. I guess it will be a DI drop off tomorrow.

Kyle called again in the afternoon and said that he wanted to have us all sit down when he got home to discuss living arrangements and going forward. Ugh I hate these kind of discussions.

Sometime in the afternoon I heard thuds against the door and when I went to look, kids had thrown eggs at the house. The guy across the street hollered out that he saw some kids throw them and run down the street.  I have lived here 26 years without feeling like I have been targeted but with the poundings on the door and now I guess I am a little paranoid. I wonder if my Gay flag is setting some kids off. Who knows? Might be kids just being kids.

Around 6 in the evening I brought over to Carlos Bahena’s two of the Carhart work jackets that Kyle hadn’t sold to see if he could use them. They were brand new with tags still on them and Kyle had bought them for around $100 each. I also brought over the toy remote speed boat that Kyle had won in a golfing tournament last fall that he would never use but imagine Carlos boys might enjoy.

Anyway, Kyle came home at 7:30 and Adrian came and sat next to me I suppose for moral support. I had to use the “Say Hi “app and I felt like I was at a U.N. Conference picking up bits and pieces of conversation but not hearing it in its entirety. My main contribution besides being a mutual interested party was saying that I have to pay the mortgage on the house whether anyone else but me lives here so it’s no burden on me to have them both live with me. I said the house is big enough for 3 grown men to have their own independence and space but I said we should be dependent on each other where it counts if we are to be a family. The old hippie in me was bringing communal living back.

Anyway, the majority of the conversation was between Adrian and Kyle who from what I could gather from the app were trying to explain to each other how they feel and what led up to the fight at Loco Burger. At times Adrian was getting weepy, which of course bruised my heart and I patted his arm and held his hand. Kyle was as stoic about his emotions as ever hid them so I couldn’t read them but, in his voice, I could tell  he was trying to understand Adrian’s point of view. Finally, near 9 there was a break through  between the two of them and they stood up and embraced and they kissed.  My heart was happy but I have no idea what this meant. All I knew was I was tired and told them I was going to bed.

During the night I noticed that Adrian was not upstairs so maybe he went downstairs to sleep with Kyle. Still all his clothes and personal items are in the spare bedroom.

21 February 2023 Tuesday

I was busy this morning after taking the pups for a walk. It was cold and gloomy out with a light mist falling. So, you could tell a storm was coming in. It’s the only walk they had. 

            I then went to run some errands. I first went to Sutherlands and had three house keys made, for Adrian Villalobos and Kyle Foote, as well as a spare. I also bought another mouse trap.  Then I went to Deseret Industries to drop off blankets, bedding, and some clothes from the spare bedroom that I was just storing there, but really didn’t need.

            Finally, I went to America First Credit Union inside of Lee’s Market and deposited Bill’s two checks and took out $40 which when coming home I gave to Adrian, seeing him having breakfast at the kitchen counter.

Well, I suppose things are semi-back to normal. Adrian slept downstairs with Kyle Foote. I suppose they had “make up sex” because when I visited with Adrian, he had to tell me all about it and he was happy again. He also wanted to know about the encounter I had last week finally and I just said it wasn’t all that great and the guy just wanted me to suck him.

I let Adrian know what Kyle has told me before that he’s not a cuddler so Adrian doesn’t get the wrong impression if Kyle isn’t as affectionate that way as much as he might want. I told him that if he ever wants a hug, I will give him one. “Fragile I am not. Affection is a pressure I can bear.”

He then told me that Kyle mainly likes to kiss him full mouth while he fucks but doesn’t snuggle which is something I already knew. Anyway, I said I am happy they kissed and made up. Until next time-, that I didn’t add. I did sincerely say to him that “Love is all about Forgiveness” as none of us are without imperfection.

I did Adrian’s laundry from the spare bedroom and once he went downstairs, I didn’t see him much. In fact, he was asleep in Kyle’s bed when I brought some dishes down.

            Since a huge winter storm is coming in this evening and dumping snow until tomorrow afternoon, and it was raining right on schedule this afternoon, I made a kettle of ham and lima beans and a pot of split pea soup and my corn bread to be ready to go. The City said be prepared for severe weather and don’t go out if you don’t have to be out.  I also cooked the pups their chicken if the power goes out. I have a hurricane lamp and a gas stove in case there’s no power to the microwave. Some are suggesting to end the use of gas stoves but they will have to pry my gas stove from my cold damn hands before I go electric. When the power is out, I can still cook.

            Kyle came home around 8 because Fernando Cano and his wife, Maria Cano closed Loco Burger early so people could get home before the worst of the storm hits. He came upstairs to get some drinking glasses and I asked if he and Adrian were good now. In typical Kyle fashion says its fine but I am fine either way. He said he was callous that way and I said that is true.

            I didn’t have any intention of going to Gay Men Support tonight because of the weather and I am surprised they didn’t cancel.

            By the time I went to bed there was a blanket of snow everywhere and more was coming down.

22 February 2023 Wednesday

Well, they said we would be dumped on over overnight and we were not nearly as bad as some places. I would say 9 to 10 inches here at Fernleaf but they say 16 inches at the airport and some parts of Salt Lake City received over two feet.

About 9 this morning I saw that Kyle Foote was up and dressed to start shoveling but wanted me to wait until Adrian Villalobos could take pictures of him and Kyle in the snow. It’s a novelty for him because he said he didn’t have snow in Columbia.

Kyle was able to get the snow blower going for most of the driveway and sidewalks before the batteries gave out and the others hadn’t been charged. So, a lot was done by old fashion snow shoveling. I cleaned off the steps to the house and some of the walkways and also cleaned and scraped Kyle’s car and Adrian’s Car. I thought my fingers would freeze. Kyle even did the sidewalk in from of Carlos Bahena’s house like a good neighbor.

It was still lightly snowing but like good Americans we were out shoveling snow and cleaning the cars to get the ice and first layers off. Did I mention It was super cold out? By the time we were done about a quarter of an inch more snow had fallen again. Oh well the first layer is up but the side streets look treacherous.

 I have to take Bill Poore to the VA tomorrow at 9:30 so hopefully the roads will be better by then. I bet the little alley walk way by his door won’t be shoveled and I worry that he will fall before he makes it to my car.

After shoveling Kyle asked if I would make breakfast for him and Adrian and of course I did, hashbrowns, scrambled eggs, bacon, and pancakes.  Later in the morning they went off to check on Club Verse because of a roof leak there but Kyle said Loco Burger closed for the day for their employees who depend on public conveyances. Much of the city and schools were shut down today because of the “historic” storm. It seems to me we had worse ones.

            Taco wanted to go for a walk all morning the little shit but people hadn’t done their sidewalks yet and snow would be up to his nose. Later around 3 when it had cleared enough and people had done their sidewalks except for only a few, I took the gang out for their constitutional. Victor, the guy who lives behind me, I don’t know what is going on there. His two Huskies are gone and he’s been gone for over a month now.

            I went to Lucky’s when the weather cleared some and the roads were passable. The side streets were still slushy and snow packed but Redwood had been plowed. I stopped at 7-Eleven to get some gas at $3.67 a gallon because I was low and knew I would not have enough to go get Bill and to the VA if I didn’t.

I then went to Lucky’s and bought Lactaid Milk for Kyle, more bottled water, orange juice, eggs, bacon, and frozen chicken cause I was about out of all that. In the late afternoon Adrian wanted to know if I had chicken soup which I didn’t so I made a kettle of that for him.

            After they came back from Club Verse they were in for the day and after shopping, so was I. Adrian was in such a happy mood again because he and Kyle are making love. At one point Adrian was upstairs and laughing at the pictures he took of him and Kyle in the snow this morning. Who would have thought in my old age I would be living with a Spanish speaking boy from Columbia and that I would grow so fond of him. At first simply because he was Kyle’s boyfriend but now just because he is a sweet and kind man who shows me affection and allows me to show him some also. Like a family.

            The pups slept for much of the day because of the weather and I kind of took several naps also.  In the news the other day, President Biden took a secret trip to Ukraine to show support for those folks in their war against Putin.

23 February 2023 Thursday

So, I left the house around 8:45, after helping Adrian Villalobos clear and push his car out from the snow packed curb so he could go to English school, before I left to go take Bill Poore to the VA at 9:30. As I had suspected the Fourth East Street curbs were inaccessible.  The roads weren't too bad getting there however the street in front of his place was piled high with snow pushed from the street and he lives in central city were the parking strips are almost as large  as some people's yards and it was also filled with deep snow.  The walk way to his place was a sheet of ice and I knew then it would be nearly impossible to get him to my car.

            There were some folks that live at the front of the house who were on their porch smoking and I asked if they would help me with Bill but it wasn’t necessary.

When  I went inside, I found him still sound asleep and I thought to just let him sleep but then he woke and was in a daze and couldn't even remember he had an appointment.  Then I noticed that he had bled profusely on his pillow and had blood on his shoulder. He looked in really bad shape and I had no email service on my phone so I had him go back to sleep and I went home and contacted his brother Ross Poore to get Jim Harvey’s his brother in laws phone number to get his family to get involved who can legally help him more than me. I am really worried for him and thought he needed to be hospitalized again as he is sure his cancer is back.

There was nothing more I could do, then in the afternoon Bill called several times and sounded jolly almost lucid and said his brother-in-law came over, changed out his bandages and rescheduled his appointment to the VA for March 9^th.

Later Jim messaged me and told me more of the details and didn’t think going to the ER would do much good but late at night Bill called me and asked if I would take him to the ER tomorrow and I agreed but hope he remembers. I told him I’d come over at 10.

Yesterday’s storm subsided with just some flurries. However, when I went to walk the pups around 4, the front porch had a pile of snow on the steps that had slid off the roof from the solar panels.  I carefully took the pups down and we went around the block. Snow was about 4 inches in people’s yards so the pups had a narrow path.

After taking them home I went to clear the steps and the snow had turned to slushy ice. A 3-foot pile had landed in the driveway and also that blocked my car. I had to break the snow up with a spade before I could use the snow shovel. But I cleared the steps and driveway but not the pile that fell in front of Kyle Foote’s door.  I had to tell Adrian just go through the garage to his car because the front door would be impassable.

            I’ve also been worried about Lulubelle all day as she has been limping not favoring her back right leg. I tried to rub it out for her but she still hobbled much of the day. I even cut up a Tylenol pill and gave it to her to help, which I hope it did. If she doesn’t get better, I will take her to the vet.

            Adrian came up this evening and ate a little of the steak I fried and the Spanish rice I made which he said he loved and wanted to know how to make it. Then he sat next to me in the lazy boy so I could help him with his English lessons.

            Earlier while looking for my TV remote, I noticed that there was mice dropping all beneath the lazy boys so I pulled them out away from the banister and swept and mopped and set a trap. I also finally took outside the corn plant that had died that I had for over 30 years. It was kind of sad to see it go. I had that plant longer than Adrian has been alive.

            Anyway, Kyle came home while we were doing the lessons and had some chicken soup I made yesterday. Adrian couldn’t wait to kiss him. It was sweet. Kyle said that Loco Burger is opening a store behind Exxon on 7^th South just down the street that he will be involved with also. He is still consulting with Club Verse too.

            I tried to do my income taxes  on E-File a free Government site but I got so confused. Oh well. Maybe Turbo Tax is worth it.

24 February 2023 Friday

Bill Poore called me early this morning and said that his brother-in-law is taking him to the Emergency Room at the VA so I didn’t have to. I said that was much better as Jim Harvey has all his medical contacts since the cancer and has power over his medical issues. However somehow Bill lost his wallet that I just bought for him as Jim can’t find it.

The family wanted Jim to take him to the ER to make sure that the loss of blood didn’t infect his eye as it was so swollen. So, I went over there around 10:30 and changed out his bed linen which hadn’t been change since I made up his bed up for him a month ago. I also cleaned, took out the trash, did the dishes up and gathered up his laundry to bring home.

Well, I made it home without breaking a leg from falling at Bill's place. The sidewalk by his place was solid ice.

At the house I walked the pups twice and made a kettle of black beans and some Spanish rice. Adrian Villalobos wanted a chili pepper for some reason so we went to Lucky’s and then he said he wanted to go to a sex shop for something he was out of. I have no clue what  he wanted but drove him to Mischievous on Third West and waited for him in the car. He didn’t want me to go in because he said they might think we were having sex lol. Speaking of sex Kimball Edwards asked me to come over next Tuesday.

In the evening Bill called me to say they did an MRI on him and they are keeping him over night perhaps the weekend. They found something during the MRI and his cancer may be back.

My poor Lulubelle started having a gimpy back leg yesterday so I need to see what that is all about also but she seems to be a bit better today.

25 February 2023 Saturday

Kind of a do-nothing day  except work on the computer. I didn’t see Kyle Foote any and Adrian Villalobos just briefly as he’s moving his things back down stairs. I had to go get some Coffee because I was all out but that is about the only time, I went anywhere beyond walking the pups.

Ross Poore called me to tell me about Bill Poore’s condition. I think they are all pretty frustrated with his stubbornness and dementia isn’t helping either. Ross told me that when Bill wrecked the car last year in East canyon, he had hit a concrete wall and had to be taken by ambulance and that is what the bill was for not for taking him to the Huntsman Cancer center like he thinks.  He also said that the doctors think it’s more than an infection and that Bill’s cancer is back.

Later at 9:30 Bill called me and asked me to come and get him tomorrow to take him home. I absolutely said no that he is where he needs to be where the medical people there can see what is going on and they should be the ones releasing him. I know he doesn’t want to be there and was pissed at me that I wouldn’t come get him. Oh well. I have to remember that he’s not all in his right mind.

26 February 2023 Sunday

I didn’t hear anything about Bill Poore today from anyone and while I folded his laundry, I didn’t take it over to his place. I never left the house except to walk the pups. The morning looked nice but as the day progressed it became gloomy and in the evening the winds really kicked in. I didn’t watch the news but there must be a storm coming in.  Nobody from downstairs came up to see me today.

            I mainly worked writing up research I did on Eliza Hegney the wife of Jim Hegney that I posted on the West Second South site and the People of Utah History. I did call Mike Romero around 5 just because I hadn’t heard from him in such a long while. I wanted to check in to see if he was alive or dead. He said he was fine just being a recluse.

            In the evening I watched a bit of The Kids Are All Right, Community, and What We do in the Shadows before retiring.

            California is being pounded with rain and snow so we probably will get some of that as the storm heads east. Same GOP crazies are in the news. Don’t want to pay the psychopaths any more attention than necessary.

            Lulubelle seems to be back to her old self.

27 February 2023 Monday

Bill Poore had an MRI done last Friday and spent the weekend at the VA. The Huntsman Cancer clinic wanted to do more tests as they think his cancer in back.

 When his brother-in-law took him to the VA last Friday, they could not find Bills wallet anywhere. I went over there this morning to return his laundry and to look for his wallet.

On a hunch I went to the Dumpster in the back and did a dumpster  dive finding one of his garbage sack and sure enough, going through it I found his wallet with all his I.D.s and VA stuff. Thank god the trash truck hadn't come. However, I am too old to be doing dumpster dives... maybe I have dementia myself or just a stubborn old fool.

I put his clothes away, did a little straightening, cleared out the refrigerator of outdated food before leaving.

I needed to get some dog treats for TJ and at Rose Park Smith’s they were all out of the Griller Nudges he likes, so I turned around and went to Walmart where I knew they would have them. While there I bought a few grocery items, three bags of dog treats, a lavender wreath for the front door, and a new floor mat. I also bought on a whim a mini electric cooker. I spent nearly $100 all in all but I should get paid soon as it’s the end of the month.

When I stopped at 7-Eleven by the house on the way home, I had such a bad experience there and since they raised their prices I decided to stop going there and back to Common Cents. My big decision for the day.

I only saw Adrian Villalobos briefly this morning when he popped by before heading off to school but never saw Kyle. I did notice that he was sending me $500 to my Credit Union even though he owed me $1800 from paying his restitution for the month of February.

I watched a bit of news where the weatherman said a storm was coming in. It was pretty chilly out when I walked the pups twice. I saw that Bill Blevins posted that tomorrows men’s group was to be a presentation and not a discussion so I doubt whether I will go. I have a date with Kimball Edwards tomorrow if it doesn’t snow.

28 February 2023 Tuesday

Early this morning I got a phone call from Kyle Foote saying, “I have a routine review hearing in Tooele this morning. Do you want to go with me?” Of course, I said I would so I stopped what I was doing and got dressed to ride it out with him. It was a beautiful clear blue-sky drive and the mountains were gorgeous with all the fresh new snow.

            Kyle said he forgot to put it on his calendar about the court hearing today. I just don’t get that because it would be the most important thing to me if I had to be in court.  Anyway, he was only going to pay $500 of his restitution but I made him stop at an America First in Tooele where I had a $1800 cashier check made out. I said that since we are out here, we might as well pay for March. I drew it out from my line of credit.

            At the court house I went and paid his restitution downstairs while he went up to the 3^rd District Court room. There we were sitting there for nearly an hour before he was called before the bench and the judge decreed he would appear for another hearing on May 30^th.

            While in the court room Kyle set up that $600 would be transferred weekly into my checking account. He said he is doing well now between Club Verse and Loco Burger. After leaving Tooele, Kyle showed me the construction that is happening on the Loco Burger location in Kearns and then we went to the joint next to Manny’s where he ordered me some onions rings before taking me home.

            Jim Harvey sent me an update on Bill Poore finally. Bill’s brother-in-law informed me that his cancer had come back and its inoperable, so Bill’s being released to go back home with meds and hospice care. When things turn worse the VA will admit him. His case worker will look into having someone come to his place and check in on him. I am not sure when he will go back to his studio apartment as he told Jim he was too tired to go the other day.

            At home I walked the pups and then in the late afternoon I talked with Adrian who had been napping much of the day after coming home from school.  He came up when I was finally working on my Taxes through Turbo Tax. I know there are cheaper ways to file but I’ve been with them for 8 years so they have all my records. I was getting around $2500 back from the feds but the state said I owed them $800 beyond all the taxes they took out already from my pension. It is discouraging that I always seem to owe the state but thankful I can pay it from the federal return. After paying the state and Turbo Tax I will get a little bit around $1100 back.

            Adrian and I talked a bit about his finances and how he’s considering working for “Door Dash” a food delivery service while going to school. I told him that he has a roof over his head and there’s food here for him and to put all his money into paying his mother and other obligations.

            I tried to nap some because I was going over to see Kimball Edwards but didn’t really get any meaningful sleep before going over there at 9. He was glad to see me and I him. He said he thought he might have caught Covid again when he was sick earlier in the month. In the news some governmental agencies now believe Covid escaped from a Chinese lab.  Anyway, he was worried about his kitty who hadn’t been eating and may be sick.

            We got naked right away and into bed but we mostly cuddled, kissed a bit, and mainly talked about what has been going on since we were last together. I finally sucked him off as he was hornier this time and it pleased me to get him off. Afterwards I massaged him some, we talked some more, and I left after about 2 hours. I really care about that boy but we will never be anything more than occasional fuck buddies even though we have never actually fucked anally. At my age having a youthful handsome man I can pleasure is enough.

            I was home by 11:30 on this last day of the month which from dealing with Bill Poore I am even more convinced if you have your health and brain cells be grateful for it can change over time rather quickly. Who we love matters more than what we think we possess. Possessions are an illusion but love is forever. The poorest people are often the richest.

 

MARCH

1 March  2023 Wednesday

It snowed just a dusting overnight this first day of March. Adrian Villalobos went off to English school and while he was gone, I went to America First and withdrew $200. When he came home, I gave it to him and said it was for his mother and brother. He owes his mother $130 a month for helping him come to the United States so I said give the rest to help out his invalid brother.

            I was tired for some reason and laid down for a nap at 11 this morning and around 1 in the afternoon, Kyle Foote woke me and asked if I wanted to go get a Dr. Pepper with him. I was groggy but said yes as its been months since we had gone together. He said Loco Burger signed an agreement contract to build a location behind Exxon on Seventh North. 

Adrian was off to the gym for some of the afternoon and when he came home, he fixed some lunch from some of the rice I made and two cans of tuna. I then went to Lucky’s to buy some groceries for my pups and him. I bought some thin sliced beef steaks and chicken breasts for him plus some of his Mexican Cheese he likes. I bought enough so I could freeze some so he could have them for his lunches and dinners.

            After feeding the pups, Adrian came upstairs for me to help him with his English homework mostly doing plurals and pronouns. I was helping him with pronunciation and English phonics, knowing where to make the sounds in his throat, between his teeth and through his nose like the M, N, and NG. The last is very hard for Spanish speakers because there is no equivalent sound for them. Also, how fluid our vowels are compared to Spanish vowels makes it difficult to know how to pronounce some words.

            We worked on it for nearly 2 hours because he was behind on his homework and then he fixed himself some dinner and I went to my room.

            I called Jim Harvey to find out what is going on with Bill Poore and while talking to him Ross Poore called so I heard both views. Bill was going to go home today but wasn’t up to it so probably tomorrow. The family agreed to let him go back to his place with VA hospice care and I said I would check in on him also. Bill knows he is terminal and is not expected to live past a year but as stubborn as he is, who knows? He might out last us all.

Talking to Ross I could tell there was still a sibling rivalry going on between them with Ross wanting me to know that he wants to do the best for Bill to show that he’s a good guy. I never had a brother so I can’t answer to what the dynamics are between them. 

2 March 2023 Thursday

Well, lots of sad news but inevitable about my aging friends. Bill Poore is back to his place now, where the VA will send home-care people to monitor him and his meds, until he declines enough that he has to go into a full-time care facility. I was going to go visit him but when I talked with Jim Harvey, he said that Bill was just sleeping and that a health care provider had been there to see about his meds so I decided to just go tomorrow. I doubt whether he would even have remembered I was even there.

            This morning, Michael Aaron contacted me to say Eric Peterson from the Investigator team and a man named James Brown who does a podcast on aging both wanted me to speak at something they are doing. I’ve meet Eric before when he was tapping into what I knew of the murder of Tony Adams but James Brown learned about me I suppose through Monica Owens who used to be with the Pride Center when it was a Gay center.  James Brown is doing an event  on older adults and the history of Utah. I still have to get with this guy named Sean Rawlings  who wrote me  wanting some information on an article I wrote for the Q.

            The sad news was about David Nelson. Michael wrote “I don't know if I told you, David Nelson apparently has Lewy Body Dementia. He talks of people in the room that are not there. Believes people are making a film about him. Has decided I died. Doesn't understand that the machine in his hand is a phone, which he insists he lost. He is no longer David Nelson. So, I have no way of contacting him because of all this.”

            I replied, “That is tragic that a brilliant mind has disappeared...my friend Bill Poore had dementia but remembers the past but not anything short term. Do you even know where David is living?”

            Michael responded, “Brigham City. I tried to visit, but he has to let people in using his phone. He doesn't know what it is. The person at the front doesn't know me, so I can't go in. He is living on his own. His sister and brother go up periodically.”

I said, “It would seem all you need to do is show all the pictures of you and David together and say now let me in.”  

Michael said, “True. I hadn't thought if that. I found the power of attorney I have over him. I may try to head up and muscle my weigh in with that.

I then offered, “If you ever need someone to go with you I would.”

Michael replied, “You are the sweetest man. All the things you are doing for Bill. You amaze me.  Very few people are like that.”

I said, “Well I’ve got to do as much good as I can before I croak...”

Michael then wrote, “I started working on the Lambda Lore book. If I did all of the columns, it would be about 350 pages, it seems. No pics though. But I ain't got time to include pics, lol. That is about what Courtney's book is. It's a good, hefty book.”

I said, “If people need pictures, we can do a coloring book for them...lol besides serious people want content not just sesame street.”

So, it seems that poor David Nelson, my one-time nemesis has dementia. Truly a very sad fate for someone who has done so much to move Gay rights along in Salt Lake and Utah.

In the evening Chuck Whyte called and we had a long visit just chit chatting. He said his neuropathy was acting up so he took to bed while we talked. He did say he fell a couple of time outside in the snow storm last week and I got after him about that. He can hardly walk in good weather but he had a dentist appointment just a couple of blocks away that ended up being canceled anyway because of the storm.  Shows to me he wasn’t thinking clearly.

He also confided in me that the doctors said that he has some type of Atrial fibrillation (A-fib) which is an irregular heart beat that has been causing him to fall and pass out. He also said that he thinks he is at an early stage of dementia as he has trouble knowing what day of the week it is and people names. I know he has said he does leave post-it notes all around his house to remind him of things he needs to do. I said I would take him shopping tomorrow before or after I go see Bill.

I did say to Chuck that we lived interesting and useful lives and when it’s time for us to move on we can go knowing we did some good in this old world.

Here at the house, I was in a mood to cook up some of the food in the house now that I have boys who will eat what I make. I cooked for Adrian Villalobos’s lunch, when he came home from school, sliced beef steak which he had with rice and after he went to the gym, I made a meat loaf and scalloped potatoes for Kyle Foote and him. I also cooked up a kettle of kidney beans. Adrian eats a lot of rice and beans almost every day so I like to have them in the house for him.

In the afternoon he said he was going to go work for “Door Dash” so he can make some money so I didn’t see him again until he came home around 9 and he fixed himself some dinner.

Kyle had come home around 6:30 and ate some of the meat loaf and potatoes that he then took down stairs. Before going he said that Loco Burger signed the final papers to open a location on 7^th North behind Exxon, which he was excited about.

I finally finished writing up a biography of an Italian Immigrant named Raffaele Mauro who owned several shops and a saloon on Second South in the early 1900’s. I don’t know why but it took me several days to compile and complete before posting it on my West Second South site and on People of Utah History page.

I walked the pups twice today which made them so happy and got my butt out of the house for a bit. I hope writing and researching every day with stem off dementia in me. No one in my family ever had it so it might be hereditary. Who knows? 

It is sad that the Pride Center eliminated the Kristin Ries recipient  portrait gallery along the staircase. It’s another reason to never donate historical artifacts to them. I have no idea what they did with all the pictures that lined the wall. So, who decided to erase our history? It was 4 years today that the Pride Center had Dr. Kristen Ries cut the ribbon to open the exhibit.

3 March 2023 Friday

It was snowing slightly when I went to go get Chuck Whyte to take him to the grocery store at Smiths downtown. I brought some donuts for Bill Poore and the self-checkout counter rang up $6.99 instead of $5.99. Except for the fact that I was buying only one thing I might not have noticed. I made the clerk there give me a dollar back.

            After taking Chuck home I went down to see Bill. They both live on Fourth East street about 4 blocks away. Bill was happy to see him and I brought him the donuts as well as some bread and a banana nut bread I brought from the house. I could see that his coffee maker was gone and he said his brother-in-law Jim broke it but sure it was Bill who did. After taking out his trash and straightening it up a bit I went back to Smith’s and bought him another 5-cup coffee maker. When I returned with it, his brother-in-law Jim Harvey was over there doing some repair work.

            He was able to tell me what was really happening. Bill has a hospice nurse coming three times a week to help him with his med and check on him and his social worker is going to see about meals on wheels.  Bill was tired and went back to sleep while Jim and I visited awhile before I took off around 3.

            I stopped at Club Verse on the way home on the chance to talk with a guy named Sean who operates the club with Lynn. He had contacted me a while back wanting to talk to me. I wasn’t sure why thinking may be about Gay history but it was something completely different. It was about Kyle Foote. He wanted to talk to me about the Q article I wrote about Kyle back in 2012 when he went to prison.

Sean used to be a correction officer and had access to all of Kyle’s criminal back ground and he was concerned that Kyle was taking advantage of me. I assured him that I didn’t feel that he was and that I considered Kyle family.

He was concerned over the trouble Kyle got himself in since getting out of Prison and that Kyle racked up owing $90,000 from his Build Team fiasco. I said I wasn’t aware of the amount that I knew he was paying $1800 a month in restitution to the court in Tooele.

 Sean was mostly concerned that Kyle wasn’t involving me and he had no issues with Kyle performance working with Club Verse. I thanked him for looking out for me but it was a very awkward conversation saying what I knew of Kyle’s past and trying to be loyal to him also.

Sean also wanted to know what Kyle was doing after the Building Team and I told him that he was trying to get out from under that disaster by operating a car rental business through Turo and ubering before he went to work for Loco Burger and Club Verse.  I just hate dredging up Kyle’s past but he can’t escape it because it is what it is.

            Speaking of dredging up the past, I have had several people contact me to assist them with projects they are doing.

            On Tuesday March 7 at 2:30 I am doing a podcast with James Brown Producer/Host Of Living With Pride s on March 7th at 2:30 pm at 3354 South Sue Street at the Sharon Gardens complex. He said he’d me in the lobby and that the building is located between Main and West Temple, literally just south of 33rd south, big, tall high rise.

Then  a man named Randall Hoffman who is on the board of Preservation Utah Now, wants help with a goal to put at least two LGBTQ+ buildings at the national historic registry. He wants to start working first on the Utah Stonewall Center. He needs help putting together a narrative history of the building with some perspectives and insights on the building.

Then Eric Peterson of The Utah Investigative Journalism Project who is teaching a special journalism class at the University of Utah focusing on murders from 78-79. He has some students researching Tony Adams, Doug Coleman, and the Mona Ulibarri cases. He asked me help the students understand what the gay rights movements was like here back in the 70s and 80s at that time. So, I said I would go on Thursday March 16 after their Spring break.

Finally, Les Kellen Executive Director of Center for Documentary Expression and Art who read about me in the Tribune wants my thoughts, insights, and view of Utah for an oral history book he’s working on for the University of Utah Press. 243 East 400 South, Ste 301 Salt Lake City, Utah, 84111 801-355-3903 (office)

801-231-0235 (cell)

4 March 2023 Saturday

Another day of change in the drama of Kyle Foote. He came up in the afternoon and wanted me to go get a drink with him and then had to stop in at Loco Burger. On the way he told me that he finally told Adrian Villalobos about his background, having gone to prison, which then I found out was predicated on his being let go by Micheal Rapp of Club Verse who accused Kyle of not telling him the truth on his back story.

            That news really took me by surprised and I am having a hard time processing it and wonder if anything I said to Sean yesterday had anything to do with it or was just the timing. Sean had way more information on Kyle from being a former correctional officer.

Kyle said someone told Michael about his back ground but doesn’t know who and with Kyle having two judgements against him since he has been released probably raised red flags with Michael who then cut ties with him.

            I suppose it kind of overwhelmed me after all the work Kyle did for them getting their place open and all the volunteering work I did there helping with construction and painting. I thought Club Verse would be a way for Kyle to redeem himself in the community but I guess that is gone now.

I could tell that Kyle was upset and hurt but was trying hard not to show it because he thought of the people down there as friends but I don’t know if they were. He has Loco Burger at least, unless he finds a way to screw that up also.

            So ends the little saga of Club Verse which truly doesn’t affect me at all. So, like Curry Connect,  the Turo Car Rental and Build Team before that, the Club Verse  chapter is closed.

            Adrian Villalobos went out working door dash all afternoon and wasn’t home when I went to bed.

5 March 2023 Sunday

I had a disconcerting dream last night about the change in Kyle Foote’s status at Club Verse and when I looked out the front window, I didn’t see Adrian’s car by the curb. That really worried me because I saw a text he sent last night after going to bed that he would be home at 10:30.

            I figured there was nothing I could do but worry so I tried not to and concentrated on my writing.  Eventually Adrian came upstairs and I was relieved. I guess Kyle was out drinking at Manny’s and after doing his Door Dash job Kyle had him come by the bar and take him home in Kyle car and Adrian’s was left down at Manny’s.  So that explained why his car wasn’t out front.

            In the afternoon I went grocery shopping for Bill Poore and brought them over to his place. I could tell he wasn’t feeling well as he was still asleep on his CPAP and he asked me not to stay long. So, I just put up his groceries and it was obvious he hadn’t eaten much if anything since I was over last. I texted Jim Harvey what I observed so he could tell the health care provider. 

            I baked a whole chicken I bought at Lucky’s but that was about all I made today. I eat a fairly good breakfast but not all that hungry later. The other day I bought my first bag of jelly beans for the season and I have been enjoying them. They’re a bean so have to be healthy LOL.

            In the evening Kyle and Adrian came up to share the baby and childhood pictures his sister Andrea sent him the other day. Some of them was when he was a new born. After his mother passed away, I suppose Andrea kept many of the family pictures. Adrian was so cute saying he wanted a baby after seeing them and he was so affectionate with Kyle hugging and kissing on him.

            Adrian had some of the chicken I had baked before they both went down stairs and it wasn’t long after that I went to bed.

            It was rather mild out today compared to the chill earlier in the week so the pups demanded two walks today.

            I hope I am still useful in this old world and not just taking up space.

6 March 2023 Monday

            I decided it was time to get a haircut so I went to my Vietnamese barber by the post office. He knows me and I’ve been going to him for probably 10 years or more. The prices have gone up like everything else. It was $25 for a beard and hair trim when it used to be around $17 last year. Oh well.

            I then went to China Delight to get some pork chow mein which I haven’t had for a while and after that mainly stayed home and researched and wrote on the computer. I saw Adrian Villalobos several times today when he came home from his schooling, the gym, and before going out to “Door Dash.” I didn’t see Kyle Foote at all. It’s funny how I interact more with my Spanish Speaking Columbian boy than I do with Kyle.

            Chuck Whyte wants me to take him next Tuesday the 14^th to go pick up a CPAP machine. He said we could go to Village Inn and I said absolutely not.  I told him before I was done eating out at restaurants except maybe on a special occasion like birthdays where people engage. With Chuck it’s just sitting in silence with me trying to elicit a conversation.

7 March 2023 Tuesday

Last week when I agreed to do a podcast with James Brown, Producer/Host Of Living With Pride, I had no idea it would be today. You get old and time zooms by. I thought the 7th would be sometime in the middle of March LOL.

 I  guess I will put pants on and venture all the way out into the hinterlands to 3300 South.  It gets scary past 21st South when you leave the safety of Salt Lake City and all of us liberal Democrats. God Bless us Nelly Queens.

So, at 2, I drove down to the Sharon apartment community between Main Street and West Temple on Sue Street where I met James Brown at 2:30. The Sharon apartment seemed to be a retirement community as the building was secured and I only saw seniors there,

James Brown was a very gregarious black man I guess originally from San Francisco but lived in the Avenues with his wife before he retired. He runs a podcast out of this little side studio. He made me feel very welcome and we are philosophically in sync, I think we’re on the same page. I think he wanted me more there for diversity than actually any history of the Gay community but we had a good time just sharing views and we were joined by this pediatrician named Dr. Cosgrove who was also a delightful person. The session  lasted about an half hour and we old geezers were in such sync we could have talked on and on.  After it’s edited, it should be on YouTube. I think it went well and his audience might enjoy it.

I noticed that Jim Harvey left me a message that Bill Poore was doing poorly and that he hadn’t been taking his pain meds as required. He said the hospice social worker had set up Mt. Olympus, a skilled nursing and care center, to move him into. I then asked if he needed any help and he asked me to come over to Bill Poore's place to see if I could talk him into going to Mt Olympus care facility because he was refusing to leave his bed. Bill is rapidly declining and really can’t be alone anymore. I tried but he just told me to leave him alone. His dementia has taken over.

There was a hospice nurse there when I arrived and she said that his cancer has entered his eyes so he’s  basically blind and deaf and it’s just a matter of time before it enters the blood and that will be the end. I swept and cleaned a bit but left knowing there’s nothing more I could do. Eventually he will have to be removed from his studio apartment for his own wellbeing.

 I am kind of just walking all through this and shutting myself down until it’s over. Then I will let myself deal with my emotions. It feels like the 80s again when I lost so many friends to AIDS but now just losing them to age. It feels the same. But you just get through it.

I am not sure what the future holds for me, who can, but am grateful with all his brokenness that Kyle Foote is here and of course sweet Adrian Villalobos who makes sure to greet me in the morning and before I retire.

I went to Bill Blevins men’s group tonight to connect with Gay men. I need their energy and I believe they also need mine. A couple of new people showed and hope it was valuable hearing Gay men just rap and tell our experiences.

I remember sometimes a man named Robert Bennion who I used to always see at LGSU back in the 1980’s and he had to have been in his 50’s then and I felt that he was so old then but I am now so much more older than him. I regret not getting to know him better back then although he always seemed to be welcomed and a part of that group.

When I came home, Kyle surprised me by coming upstairs to visit for a little bit. I asked him how things were going with Loco Burger which he said was good. But he almost always tells me things are good until I find out otherwise. Adrian is out doing Door Dash so I hope that is working out for him.

I spent much of yesterday and today researching Arthur Liday who was the son of Anna Liday whose husband killed her youngest son and committed suicide in 1891. Arthur in 1893 rode a bicycle all the way to the Chicago World Fair and I researched his adventure, which was mentioned in several papers.

8 March 2023 Wednesday

Jim Harvey texted ne that Bill Poore is at Mt. Olympus care facility finally. Bill called me this morning to have me pled with his family not to remove him but he hadn’t taken his meds, not eating, basically blind and deaf. I knew it was his dementia talking and I did let his family know that it was a family decision not mine. Wanting to stay in his own place is completely understandable but who would be taking care of him when he’s alone? He’s just not rational right now.

Ultimately this afternoon people from the hospice came over to his studio and convinced him that staying there was a health concern as he had broken his toilet and they said just to come for a week until it was fixed. It was a ruse of course as I know he will not be coming home again and probably within a week he will be so well cared for at Mount Olympus that he will forget about his place. At least he didn’t resist and fought, going there, and falling.

Bill was so brilliant and clever that it’s hard to see him this way but we all have a beginning and an ending and good memories in between. I know he’s being cared for and is where he belongs so that is a relief.

I want to go over to his place and clean and empty out his refrig so things don’t spoil like last time. I doubt whether his family will ever allow him to leave hospice and he is declining so fast he should not be alone.

            Chuck Whyte called me this afternoon while I was on the phone with Horace Mann who said that my quarterly payment was declined on my Visa Card so I had to deal with that. Evidently, I had been having Insurance payments taking from my credit card but since its basically maxed out the $460 did not go through. I had them switch it over to my debit card as I have funds to cover it in the Credit Union but I was concerned that I wasn’t notified that the payment was coming due, and Horace Mann had no reason while I wasn’t getting a notice in the mail which is probably why it got all screwed up when it was canceled without warning. My one big accident I probably will ever have happened when my policy had lapsed without me knowing it.

            Anyway, talking to Chuck, he said he couldn’t remember the day he had asked me to take him to go get a CPAP and I said geez, am I the only one of my friends who is not senile?

            Kyle Foote took Adrian Villalobos to have an eye examination to get some glasses and when they returned asked me to go with them to put up signage on 700 North at the Loco Burger new location behind Exxon, so I did.

            It was cold all day but I walked the pups twice but when we left the Rose Park Loco Burger site it started to snow and by the time I got my drink at Exxon we were in a blizzard going down to Arby’s so Adrian could get a chocolate shake. We were getting hit hard on Redwood Road and 1700 north  and at home the storm turned to large snowflakes but coming down fast.

Tonight, I watched a show that Kimball Edwards recommended called The Last of Us, which getting through the first episode I didn’t much care for, but he wanted me to watched the 3^rd episode that has a Gay couple.  

9 March 2023 Thursday

Today was a sad day for Bill Poore and me. I went over to his place thinking I would go clean up and see what needed to be done when I was shocked to say the least to find Bill there instead of at Mt. Olympus. He didn’t recognize me and called me Jim Harvey and I had to shout to tell him I was Ben. He said that he could not hear today and I had to shout.

I was stunned to see him there and when he got out of bed to pee, I contacted Jim to see what was going on. He wrote that Bill wouldn’t stay at the care center and insisted on coming back to the studio apartment and that a nurse would check on him in the mornings until they could figure out what to do.

            He wrote “It seems that the hospice people will provide 1 visit a day in the morning to give him methadone  for pain, which lasts 24 hours and leave 1–2 Oxycontin if the pain gets bad.  Then I will stop by in the evening to give him the sleeping pill. That’s 5 days a week. I will have to cover the weekend. There is another company that will do it if I put them on contract. That is the vision today but it may change. I’ve yet to work it out.”

Bill was just a shell of himself and there was no reason for me to be there because I couldn’t converse with him or really help in any way. He was struggling to pee so I have no idea how this is all going to end for him.

I soon left thinking that there’s nothing more I can do for Bill. In his demented state he’s made the decision to stay at his place no matter how hard it will be on Jim Harvey who is his main care taker and decision maker. The Bill I once knew is basically gone and now it’s time for health care professionals and family to take over.  There’s really nothing more I can do.

            I went grocery shopping afterwards for some food for Adrian Villalobos, mainly meat, but other than walking the pups that was about as ambitious as I got today. I didn’t see Kyle Foote at all.

I am ambivalent about letting people know that Bill is back at his place, as it may be better to let people think he is in hospice and being cared for at Mt. Olympus.  

10 March 2023 Friday

The wind blew all night and I woke up around 2:30 and couldn’t go back to sleep but stayed in bed until getting up at 5 to fix some coffee. I worked on the computer for some time before going back to bed and slept past 11 before getting up and walking the pooches. It was still really windy out with gusts knocking over empty garbage cans. It wasn’t an extremely cold wind or I wouldn’t have walked them.

It’s  been terribly windy all day and at times shook the house. Still the wind did not keep Taco from wanting his two walks although the wind kind of scared Lulubelle. I only left the house twice today to walk the pups but otherwise I was home all day.

            I cooked some pinto beans and made corn bread that I had for my supper. Adrian Villalobos came home after going to the gym and fixed some lunch and then went out to Door Dash but in the late afternoon Kyle made him come back to the house as the wind had turned to rain. It was even lightning and it thundered. Kyle didn’t want him out as he said that the optometrist said Adrian’s vision is really bad and will need strong glasses that Kyle has ordered.

            In the evening Adrian and Kyle came up and Adrian fixed fried steak for them for their supper. I was full of cornbread but I sat and watched Adrian cooks which is interesting to say the least. I am chief pan and bottle washer when he’s done which I really don’t mind because cleaning is what I do and I love having a young guy to clean up after at my age.  Kyle and Adrian both gave me hugs before descending down stairs and I decided it was time to turn off the TV and go to bed.

            In the news, California is now being pounded by rain on top of the heavy snow pack they had last week, trains derailing  are in the news, and otherwise same old same old.

11 March 2023 Saturday

I woke up at 4:30 this morning hearing the phone ring and saw that it was Bill Poore so didn’t answer. He’s probably demented or if its more serious there’s nothing I can do that couldn’t have been done in the care facility.  So, I got up and worked on finishing up the life story of Harry L Evans who lived on the corner of Sixth West and Fourth South operating a grocery store there for nearly 25 years.

            I didn’t go anywhere today except with Kyle Foote to Exxon to get a Dr. Pepper and later I walked the dogs twice. It was such a lovely day out compared to yesterday.

 I saw Adrian Villalobos for a bit between his coming and going while he cooked his meals, He apologized for leaving the kitchen a mess for me to clean. Kids. It gave me a chance to clean by wiping all the counters down behind the appliances where the mice like to scurry. 

            I baked some chocolate chip cookies this evening but just a half dozen as I don’t know if anyone will have some, except me and I didn’t eat any before going to bed.

            Kyle said when he came home that Carlos Bahena said to him that he’s cutting down the Globe Willow that Randy Gile planted between our houses so many years ago. I thought it was foolish to have planted it there in the first place. Kyle said he would help him.

This time tomorrow it will be pitch black out at 7 a.m. instead of 6 like the sun intends since time has been recorded but the selfish golfers need to golf while school children walk in the dark.

Before going to bed, I sat in the front room listening to music from the 1960’s and 70’s because its sweet and familiar.

Well, it's later than you think-brought to you by Daylight Savings. I turned all my clocks forward so it’s now 9 o'clock instead of 8 so should I get ready for bed now?

12 March 2023 Sunday

In the afternoon I went over to Bill Poore’s place to check in on him. He doesn’t seem to recognize me because I don’t think he can see much so I just sat in the chair and let him ramble not making a lot of sense. The sore on his nose seems to be growing He’s on  methadone as well as Oxycontin. There’s no real conversing with him as he doesn’t hear anything much, even of what I shout at him. He seems to be in his little world now, looking through his things scattered about him on his bed, and then forgetting what he was looking for.  There’s no real train of thought anymore. Jim Harvey was over earlier and gave him his medicine and fixed him coffee and toast. I think he is done with really having any appetite and he is getting childish in his responses. There’s no reasoning with him anymore.  I left as I could see he was tired and he didn’t protest. I think trying to respond to the company tires him out. He did have a coke and went to the bathroom while I was there  but otherwise was in bed the entire time.

            I went to the store afterwards and bought some milk and other groceries while I was out. I noticed gas prices have jumped back up to $3.87. It was a nice day to walk the pups.

            I didn’t see Kyle Foote or Adrian Villalobos all day as they never came upstairs.

13 March 2023 Monday

Bill called in the middle of the night again but I ignored it as I know he doesn’t know what time it is anymore or what day. When I did start checking my messages, I had a text from Michael Aaron saying that Marlin Criddle had died yesterday in Seattle. He was 76 years old and had been battling dementia and cancer. His husband David Turner had been his caretaker for years. I knew he had a lot of health issues but he was a good man. When I wrote about the news on my Facebook page I said “Another giant has fallen...such a good, kind, and courageous soul. It was an honor to have worked with him in our struggle to make Salt Lake City a safe place.” Then I spent much of the day going through my old files and journals to post to the Utah Stonewall History site information I have on him.  . I loved his film festival he brought to Gay Pride in the early 90s...I often saw him at the genealogy library as we both had a passion for genealogy. He collected tea pots that he displayed at his home in the Avenues. I will always remember him as the lawyer who defended the Felix Urioste who as a woman married a naive cowboy from Wyoming in the Temple lol.

Marva Match wrote to me saying, “Benedgar Williams OMG. I totally forgot about that gem of a story” and I replied, “that’s what I am here for to help remember our stories.” Carol Gnade then added “And you should be thanked often for your vigilance.

I do appreciate your work. You and Marlin are both hero’s in our community. “  Marva responded, “I choose to believe that “naive” cowboy knew and enjoyed who he was married too and only complained after the fact due to archaic social pressures.” And I added “and after losing all that money.”

I saw Adrian when he came home for lunch, and he asked what was wrong with my eye and Kyle later in the day said the same thing. They said it looked red. I said it doesn’t feel like anything is wrong and it hasn’t affected my vision so probably maybe a  blood vessel ruptured.

It was 55 degrees in Salt Lake and it felt so nice walking the pups around the block. I am itching to do some gardening but am too lazy to clean out the flower beds of old leaves.  Besides, it is really too early yet, however  in a week it will be spring.

My Achilles heel tendon was sore this afternoon while walking the pups and it got worse as the day progressed as I could hardly walk on it this evening without it hurting. At my age, it’s always something.

Watching the news, I think it’s pathetic how Sinclair news on channel 2 mentioned that the Silicon Valley Bank collapse was due to changes made to the Dodd - Frank  banking regulations in 2018,  without conveniently  mentioning that  it was Trump and the Republicans controlled Congress in 2018 that rolled regulations back. Same with the train regulations.

I posted an article on Bill Poore doing a play at the Community Center back in 2002 on Face Book “I came across this I had in my files.  I never met Bill until he was directing Street Theater at the University. Bill gave all the proceeds from this show to the Center which Paula Wolfe then the center Executive didn't even thank him so he never did a show again for them.  He had just moved back to Utah from San Diego where he had helped start the Diversionary Theatre for Gay plays. Third oldest theater in the united states started in 1986. Bill put them on the map by directing many semi-erotic themes which packed the house with gay men during the 90's LOL.”

The Oscars were held Sunday night but since I never go to the movies anymore, I didn’t care to watch them except I heard Jamie Lee Curtis won an Oscar for best supporting actress and Brandon Frazer won for best Actor. Two Asians won Best Actress and best supporting actor for roles in the movie that won best picture. Ke Hue Quan who played the Asian kid in Spielberg movies in the 80’s and Michelle Yeoh who I only know from Star Trek Discovery won best actress.

14 March 2023 Tuesday

I am feeling like my age is catching up with me. My Achilles tendon went out on me yesterday evening and now it’s kind of painful to walk on my right foot or to stand up. I started using my dad's cane  this morning to hobble around and when Adrian saw me while he was fixing his breakfast called me grandfather.  So, it begins. Oh well its always something at a certain age. I am grateful I can still hobble at all. 

A blood vessel popped in my eye also, although that doesn't hurt at all thank goodness and hasn't affected my vision.  Hope everyone else is doing well. Bill Poore calls me at various time in the middle of night and during the day. Sometimes I answer, sometimes I don’t. He really doesn’t even know why he calls but I guess I am still one of his last connections to reality.

Alan Anderson called this morning asking if I would watch Corky and Bhanni this Sunday as he is having a wine tasting party at his place. I said sure. It’s just for one day.

I was grouchy today as I am not feeling up to snuff. A tooth is starting to hurt again and I have a small headache; just kind of out of sorts and tired but I managed to take Chuck Whyte to get his pain medicine prescriptions and his CPAP medical equipment. I sat in the car for an hour waiting for him. However, it was 60 degrees out so I didn’t mind much.  I had to get gas also so stopped at Smith’s before going home. I got 30 cents off a gallon so it only cost me $3.57. I went almost two weeks before having to fill up again.

I took the pups for a walk this morning and later in the afternoon. They don’t care whether I hobble or not because they prefer to stop and smell the roses, well actually the pee spots of other dogs but I think it must be like roses to them. I took a late nap with the crew as the wind began to pick up. 

Adrian left a big mess in the kitchen from fixing his lunch before Door Dashing that I spent some time cleaning up afterwards. I am comforted that I even have a 25-year-old boy to clean up after.  I was too tired to go to the Gay men’s support group tonight and a rain storm is supposed to come in tonight but hadn’t before I went to bed at 9 as I was tired and my ankle hurting.

15 March 2023 Wednesday

“Beware the Ides of March” - I went to Smith’s this morning to get some cholesterol pills and stomach pills as I was all out. I need to start taking my pills more regularly as that Friday I go see Dr. Stoneburner but doubt if my sore ankle will be fixed, and I have to get a Utah Driver License renewal form signed because of my diabetes and I have to get a new driver’s license before my 72^nd birthday. 

While at Smith’s I bought the pups two bags of treats for $30, more than all the rest of the groceries I bought for Adrian Villalobos and myself. I bought some fish because I was in the mood for some. I then also went to Dollar Tree to get some cleaning supplies and when I came out, it was down pouring, but out by the Jordan River where I live it but seemed to let up.  In the late afternoon, the rain was all gone with blue skies out. I am glad I hobbled with the pups early when it was just misting.

            I fried the Tilapia fish up and it wasn’t bad. I don’t think I ever had it before. I lightly breaded it and had it with some yellow rice and a small salad.  When Adrian came home from school and from door dashing, he ate some and said it was delicious. He said he loved me, which I am sure he was happy to have a meal cooked for him.

I took a late afternoon nap as I am not feeling well, but not until after I called Roseman Dental and made an appointment for March 27^th at 10 in the morning. I need to have some molars looked at as I think I am getting cavities and I don’t want to wait until they become more painful.  

When I was watching the news, I was surprised that Kyle Foote came up to visit. I think he was a little concerned about how my mobility has decreased due to my weak ankle but I think mostly he wanted to share that Loco Burger probably will get the Herriman Lease on the Greek hamburger place he had found.

I am speaking to a class tomorrow up at the U of U in the Gardiner Commons building although I have no idea where that is, supposedly near the Union Building. I know where that is because I was the manager of the Huddle, the food grill there, in 1977. Since they tore down Orson Spencer Hall, I doubt whether I will  know where anything is. Oh well I will have my  cane with which  I can hobble around.

I am such a history nerd, while searching information on a blacksmith who once had a shop on Second South, I came across an article that he once owned “Rex Watch”, a St. Bernard who was in 1902 said to be the largest dog in the world. His sire “Rex Champion” won the Chicago World Fair as the largest dog in the world and Rex Watch was even bigger.  The pooch was born in 1898 in Salt Lake City and weighed 207 pounds and from the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail he was 6 feet 8 inches.  Newspaper carried stories about Rex Watch across the country and even in Halifax, Canada.

According to the latest  Pew Poll  on how favorably do Americans view religious groups  only 15 percent have a favorable opinion of Latter-Day Saints and 25 percent had a  non-favorable.  Muslins and Atheist had a higher favorable rating . LOL

I love this headline I saw today.  "Steve Bannon’s 'sugar daddy' arrested by FBI" LOL His Chinese financial backer was arrested for "wire fraud, securities fraud, bank fraud, and money laundering in what it alleges is a more than “$1 Billion Dollar Fraud Conspiracy.”

16 March 2023 Thursday

I went to Lucky’s to get some milk and groceries for Adrian Villalobos, and I was fixing him some breaded pork slices for his lunch. He made himself a salad to go with it. He is the best thing that came out of Kyle Foote’s time at Club Verse.

I walked the dogs this morning as if was spring-like outside but mainly worked on the Computer before heading up to the University of Utah at about 3:15. I didn’t need to be there until 4 but because of all the cross-town traffic and lights, it takes me about at least a half hour to get there and I wanted to go early enough so I could locate the classroom,

            I haven’t been up on the U of U campus in years and was amazed how large and crowded it is now. It’s like a small city and the traffic was horrible. The Gardner Commons building was built right over the old Orson Spencer Hall location south of the Union Building and Eric Peterson‘s Utah Investigative class was on the 3rd floor and easy to find. Everyone in that class had a lap top in front of them. Gone are the days of pens and notebooks.

I was asked to relate what the Gay community and Salt Lake in general was like in the 1970s. I never went to the U but worked there from 1976 to 1980 and had married Fran  who graduated from there.

I basically said that the 1970s was the time that gays came out of the closet in sufficient enough numbers to build a community but without a game plan or road map so we were making it up as we went along against the church and state’s opposition.  I was there  speaking to students who were about my age when I worked at the U...life is full of circles.

I didn’t get home until after 5:30 then started to fix supper for the hounds. I noticed that Carlos Bahena had started to cut down his Globe Willow tree and when Kyle came home, he went out to help but our chainsaw was real dull from all the use from last summer. However, he managed to cut down the flowering plum cherry tree that I had planted so long ago between the Giles and my place in a little section of the property that wasn’t concreted in. Kyle hated the mess the tree made in the fall when it dropped all its berries. I teasingly called Kyle a tree killer for having taken out so many of my trees.

Well, I really didn’t care all that much. I’ve had the yard the way I wanted for 25 and who knows how much longer I will around to work in the yard anyway.

Around 8:30 Kyle came up to see what there was to eat and Adrian joined him as they heated up the breaded pork, finished the salad, and had some of the Spanish Rice I made earlier.

It was pleasant, actually more than that, it was good to see them in the kitchen and being like a family. At one point Adrian was stroking my beard and said I should dye it black. I said I should dye it whiter.

17 March 2023 Friday

I went to the Redwood clinic this morning for my quarterly checkup. Dr Stoneburner said I probably had tendonitis in my heel but it does seem better. He gave me a prescription for a topical pain reliever. He also said I  probably broke a blood vessel in my eye that made it slightly pink. Otherwise, he said all my labs and vitals were looking good. I have another check up on May 22 at 8:00 in the morning.

            When I came home after taking the pups for their constitutional, I started chopping up the tree Kyle Foote fell yesterday that was lying in the driveway. I used shears and a saw and worked on it for an hour and a half until he came home and I had to quit as I was worn out.

            This was the first time in years that I hadn’t had folks over for a corned beef and cabbage dinner for St. Patrick’s day.  Those days are gone although I did cook some cabbage with fried bacon. Kyle Foote and Adrian Villalobos were gone for most of the day. I made some fried chicken breasts and fried okra but ate very little of either.

To everything turn, turn, turn, There is a season turn, turn, turn, And a time to every purpose, under Heaven.

            While taking a nap I had a phone call from my Health Insurance people wanting to come to the house tomorrow for an annual checkup at 11. I agreed but thought oh shit now I have to clean the house which in the late afternoon and into the evening I did.

            I did a thorough Spring cleaning, moving furniture, mopping, vacuuming, sweeping, and washing lap blankets. The front room took the longest . Then I put on music from the 70’s and cleaned the dining room and kitchen and finished washing dishes before being exhausted and going to bed.  I will finish the bathroom and my bedroom tomorrow before the nurse comes over.

Speaking of nurses, I haven’t had a random phone call from Bill Poore for the past couple of days so I need to call Jim Harvey and see how he is doing.

            I am glad I made an appointment to see the dentist as my molar cavity has started hurting a bit and I am sure by the time I go on the 27^th it will be very painful.

18 March 2023 Saturday

This morning while trying to do some laundry I removed the washer’s filter to clean it out and evidently didn’t put in in all the way because water kept leaking out and I had to call Kyle Foote up to fix it. At the same time the health care provider called and wanted me to come early, which he did around 9 to check my vitals. My A1c was 6.3, and the rest was just the same as yesterday’s visit with Dr. Stoneburner except he said I had slight neuropathy in my toes.

            After he left, I walked the pups and I finally checked my messages and Jim Harvey sent one saying that Bill had been removed from his studio apartment and was at Mt. Olympus  nursing home on 2200 East and 3300 South. I told Jim I would go over and clean out his kitchen, which I did.

            Then at home I wrote to his friends “I haven’t posted about Bill Poore on purpose. When I posted a while ago that he went to Mt. Olympus care facility the next day I was shocked to find that he had come back to his place. He insisted and his family and health care provider let him, with daily home supervision.

I would go see him but his mental state was declining and at times he wasn’t sure who I was because he was so blind and deaf. He would call me in the middle of the night only because I think in his dementia, he still connected with me.

I didn’t  post because I didn’t want his friends to be disappointed and worry  that he wasn’t at the health care facility but finally he declined so much that he did not resist...

He had to go as he stopped taking his oxygen and medicine and had stopped eating. I went over there to clean out his refrigerator and kitchen and will go back tomorrow. I want to save as much as I can and see if the Marriott library will take some of it as he was an adjunct drama teacher at the U.

Going through his apartment was really sad without him there and it made me realize how things are just things that we leave behind, but that our relationships are what really truly matter.”

            I brought home from Bill’s place all the perishable food in the refrigerator and canned goods and some other items that were fairly new that I had bought for his use but he won’t need now. Ross Poore texted me that they probably will be planning a funeral for him soon so he will never come home although I said that the last time.

            Adrian came home from the gym for lunch and we sat and visited some and he put me on his Facebook page as “Perez Villalobos Jesus”. He had to set up his account this way because of a crazy old boyfriend stalker. He related how it was his sister who more or less babysat him as a child who listened to Back Street Boys all the time and I think he associates that group with a caring sister.  He said even as a young child he had a dream to come to America.

            Kyle Foote came home in the afternoon while we were visiting and he and Adrian went outside to dig up the rest of the triangle patch by the driveway and to chop out the stump. So gone is another tree, my bayberry bush and wild rose bush. It looks so empty now and will be even more so when Carlos Bahena cuts his globe willow down.

            Adrian was really excited that his glasses came in the mail today. Even though he was kind of vain having to wear them, he had clip on sunglass lens with them and he was amazed and thrilled he could see so much better.

            Kyle wanted a Mod Pizza for supper so I drove Adrian and Him to Woods Cross as he was tired. I didn’t want any but at the house I had a slice of Adrian’s because he had normal crust, however, he had ham and corn on his pizza. Life is novel with Adrian as I never had corn on a pizza before.

            I am of course sad over Bill Poore, and glad we reconnected for this brief time but will not truly grieve until he passes. It’s odd to me that I never grieved over the passing of Ben Anderson or Charles Frost perhaps because they were dead to me long before I heard they died.

            But right now, I am happy and feeling blessed to have Adrian in my life and of course Kyle but he’s a mixed blessing but a lot of that is from my own doing because of my unconditional love for that boy.

A whole lot of shaking was going on 3 years ago when an earth quake hit Magna and rattled the house breaking a lot of knickknacks off shelves.

19 March 2023 Sunday

 I decided I ought to go over to Bill Poore’s place before Kyle Daniels brought the brats over this afternoon. I brought my step ladder over with me so I could reach the top shelves and I was able to find a parking space right in front of this building which I usually never can. Kind of ironic the last time I will ever come here I get a good parking space. In his place I could see that Jim had already started boxing and bagging Bill’s stuff. He said I could go through stuff and take what I wanted. I mostly wanted all of bill theater pictures and of him to donate. I finished cleaning out the kitchen the best I could.  I went through stuff to see what of his life I could save. I saved a lot of his old theater pictures what I could and then stripped his bed and took stuff out to the car.

Bill's brother-in-law will come over tomorrow with a truck to remove what is left. I took a moment to reflect  and do a little closure before leaving.  I then locked up and said good bye to Bills home for the past 15 years which I had never been in before he was too ill to refuse me. I poured salt as I left it on his door threshold so that his spirit will never want to come back here when he passes. It seems so surreal.

            I was too tired to unpack the FIT so just went inside and saw that Adrian Villalobos was in the kitchen talking on the phone to an old friend he went to New York City with when he first came into the United States. Then he started to make some lasagna.

Kyle G. Daniels then brought Corky and Bhanni over to spend the night so I have 6 pups in the house and am not sure what Adrian Villalobos thinks. He was kind of overwhelmed with just the four. Kyle and I had to put some plywood barriers up by the unfinished a gate because we were worried that Corky might jump over the wire barrier. The wind was really kicking up ahead of a storm we are supposed to get later tonight.

I introduced Kyle to Adrian and Kyle and I visited a bit. I guess Jandy and Andy will watch the pups when Alan and he go off to Hawaii this summer. I was honest and said I couldn’t do it. I think Kyle was kind of horny for me but not sure if we will ever be together that way again.

            Adrian made a delicious lasagna so he’s a keeper. He made the sauce and all from scratch. Kyle Foote came up to eat with us  and after we all ate, Kyle, Adrian, and I went to help our neighbor Carlos Bahena down the globe willow that Randy Gile planted so many years ago. The space will be cleared for a driveway. Kyle cut down the flowering plum cherry that was between the two houses also the other day and Carlos will haul that away along with his debris. I worked picking branches and limbs but glad Kyle has Adrian to help because I ain’t the spring chicken I once was. In fact, I had to quit before the others because I was getting really tired.

            I fed six pups tonight, rice, chicken and canned dog food and they all seemed behave and all had a good appetite. Bhanni and Corky are really hyper dogs and while sweet, they take a lot of energy from me especially since I had to shut up the doggy door and only let them out when I can supervise them.

            When I finally went to bed myself around nine, my legs were really achy and I was a tired old man.

            I want to go see Bill Poore at Mt Olympus however I doubt whether he will be awake. Jim Harvey sent me a message saying he went to see him and the nurses there said that he doesn’t know where he is and that he sleeps a lot. I wonder if going to see him will just confuse him.

20 March 2023 Monday

Merry Oestra to my Pagan friends on this vernal equinox. Winter  is behind us and the god child has come out to play. Easter is a spring time festival when Eostra the goddess renews life Blessed Be.  "Corn and Grain corn and grain all that fall shall rise again"  Hoof and Horn hoof and horn all that dies shall be reborn."

            I had interrupted sleep all night because of Corky and Bhanni as I had to get up several times to let them out as I had closed up the doggie door. So, I was super tired when I decided to just get up at 5  rather than try to sleep anymore. I made breakfast of pancakes and I made some for Adrian Villalobos when he was up to go to school.

            Alan Anderson called and we agreed to meet at Chubby’s at 11:30 for lunch. I just had a bean burrito and some rice and we visited about what is going on with the people we know. He didn’t know anything about Jim Dabakis’ divorce so I had to fill him in as to why I have Taco so much.

            When he came back to the house, we gathered up the brats and while I was carrying Bhanni in her crate, it broke and she fell out. She wasn’t hurt but I had to go retrieve her so she wouldn’t run. It’s always something with those two characters. Alan Anderson says, “I owe you” and I said, “just love and affection”.

            Adrian then came home and then off to the gym but when he came home for the afternoon he made this custard type dessert with eggs, milk, and sugar  kind of like a flan.

            It was good that Alan Anderson came over when he did because at 2 this afternoon we were hit with a blizzard and in 15 minutes we turned back to winter. We had ice pellets and then snow and everything was covered and white again. In 2022 we had a snow blizzard also. However, because it had been so warm the streets were wet and not impacted so Adrian went out Door Dashing in the evening.

            The pups did not care for what I fixed for supper and ate very little of it and I don’t know if Lulubelle ate at all. I think she might not be feeling well or the thunder we had with the storm scared her.

            I watched the Simpsons, Bob’s Burgers, and Community before watching a documentary on Martha Mitchell, the wife of disgraced Atty General John Mitchell of the Watergate Scandal. It was criminal what Nixon did to her to make the public think she was crazy because she knew too much of what a crook he was.

Happy Anniversary mom and dad married in 1946 Olton, Texas. Dad was 21 and mom 16.

21 March 2023 Tuesday

            This morning I cooked up this acorn squash Adrian Villalobos had asked me to do last night. He had it for his breakfast. That was a new one for me.

I went out to Walmart on 13^th South to buy a new vacuum as my old one is shot. While there I bought some items that I know Adrian Villalobos likes. Also, on the way out this agent for Medicare Plans for United Health Care stopped me and had me sign up for Plan B so I don’t have a monthly premium anymore. He was from Davis County and even went to Washington Elementary long before I went there to teach.

            Anyway, I baked a pizza I had bought at Walmart and had a fairly lazy day only walking the pups once when we encountered a man walking a large Pitbull. Maxx was being aggressive to him but I was able to control him before any real fight occurred as I know Maxx would had been the worse for it.

            It was windy and cold for much of the day and in the evening it rained again. Adrian was out driving for Door Dash after going to school and the gym and I didn’t see Kyle Foote until in the evening when he came upstairs to visit a bit with me with what he’s doing with Loco Burger. I guess the issues with the Rose Park site was settled with some minor changes but Kyle has to reconfigure the interior as it has to be a sit down diner as part of the negotiations. I guess the Herriman deal fell through for Loco Burger .

            Before going to bed, I started editing the account of the oral history I did last July for John Priegnitz. I cleaned it up and I ended up not going to bed until about midnight.

22 March 2023 Wednesday

I slept in until after 6:30 from staying up so late. I got up and fixed Adrin Villalobos his breakfast to take to school and made me some of the pancakes I had fixed for him. I worked on editing the Oral History transcript for Utah State University almost all day, taking out all the redundancies and clarifying what I was trying to relate. Since its going into archives, I wanted it to be more reflective while still using my voice.

            I only stopped for lunch and baked some salmon for Adrian’s lunch. Then back to work. I did walk the pups this morning but it began to rain in the afternoon. The weather is chilly for March and will be for the rest of the week. California is being pounded by more rain.

            I finally finished editing the 47 pages around 4:30 and sent it off to John Priegnitz and then tried to watch the news and feed the pups. Lulubelle acted like she still was not hungry but I fed her some Caesar, that she likes, from my fingers. Once she had a few bite she finished the rest on her own.

            While going through old journal entries I saw that I had two Spanish speaking 5^th graders my last year at Washington. I have a Spanish speaking young man living with me now who is also going to school to  learn English. I get to mutilate Spanish with Adrian by trying to communicate with him lol. We mostly use a translation app called "Say hi" although some things like idioms come out weird.

            I am reminded how Adrian must feel being among English speakers when I read from 2015 that I had a Mexican boy put in my class who only spoke Spanish.

" Last Friday the 5th grade got a new student from Mexico who didn't speak a drop of English. Since I just got the most recent student, he was put in the other 5th grade class. After seeing him try so hard at dance rehearsal I told Jen, let’s just transfer him into my class anyway because I had a boy just like that at the beginning of the year who now is pretty fluent and more motivated then most of my English-speaking kids.

 Diego is excited to have another Spanish speaker in my class and understands what it felt being a new kid and non-English speaker. He will translate and help Jorge for this last term.

So, I scrambled to get a desk and chair and books and supplies but I just couldn't see letting this little guy be miserable like Diego was at the beginning of the year but is happy as a clam now...

 My one last good deed before leaving education."

23 March 2023 Thursday

Today is 32323. I was up by 5:30 to start coffee and fix a bit of breakfast. I also fixed Adrian Villalobos his breakfast to take to school. I worked on making a final draft of my oral interview for much of the day. However, around noon I got dressed to go to Mt Olympus care facility to see Bill Poore.

It was misty outside but not actually raining when I got there and was surprised when the receptionist said that Bill wasn’t there. So, I went out to the car and called Jim Harvey and he told me that Bill was in room 44 so I went back in and bypassed the reception desk and went to his room down this long corridor. Once I found it, I saw that some medical personal were there  removing a patient out on the room on a gurney when I got there. I was asked to wait and was relieved to see that it wasn’t Bill. When I was allowed to go in, he was sound asleep. Bill was sleeping on his side without his CPAP machine and I am sure they had him on pain medicine and sleeping aids. I took a picture of him asleep to send to Jim Harvey to let him know that I found Bill and that he was sleeping so I just left.  I guess I went for me as much as for him. I am glad they have facilities like this for end-of-life care but it's hard to see someone having to be there.  I doubt whether I will go back and this is probably the last time I will see Bill in this life.  I still am not ready to grieve.

            Back at the house I brought all the trash cans out to the curb for pick up and when Adrian came home, I showed him where the pork chop was and rice and beans I made were in the refrigerator. We visited a bit in English and Spanish. He said that either he will be finished with school April 3^rd or he won’t have classes again until then. I wasn’t clear. It could be Spring Break. He said wherever he may go he will always remember me.

            I never saw Kyle Foote all day even though he was home downstairs. When I walked and fed the pups, Lulubelle was back to being perky and had her appetite so she must have had a bug of some type.

            I watched Seth Rogan’s comedy film This Is The End about the Apocalypse. I always enjoyed it and thought it was funny.

24 March 2023 Friday

Chuck Whyte called me at 7 in the morning. When the phone rang, I was worried that there was bad news or an emergency so when I saw that it was Chuck, I asked what was wrong. Nothing was, he just wanted to visit because he knew I’d be up. I got after him and said you don’t worry people by calling at 7 in the morning. He mainly wanted to know how I was and how Bill Poore was doing as he had read what Ross Poore had written on Bill’s Face book page about being at Mt. Olympus.

            When I went to throw something away into the kitchen tall trash can there was a mouse scrambling around in it. How they got into the trash cans I don’t know as I had a lid on the kitchen one. But I also noticed that some flour tortillas I had in the refrigerator had been nibbled on which shocked me. I put the whole trash can outside to deal with the mouse later.

I went back to my editing on the computer and we had a pretty good snow storm this morning here by the airport. Even when I took the pups for a walk around 11 it was  still misting snow but the sidewalks were mostly melted but the hounds had to walk a lot in the snow. We probably had two inches here.

When the weather cleared enough, I went to Lucky’s to buy eggs for Adrian Villalobos, as he usually eats 3 in the morning and I sometimes do one. They are still around $5  dozen. I also bought chicken for the pup’s supper and I bought a corned beef for $10 which was good considering a week ago Corned Beef was selling for between $15 and $20. 

At the house I made some yellow rice that Adrian likes and he came home in the afternoon to have some lunch.

I stayed in for the rest of the day roasting chicken thighs and the corned beef while I worked on my writing. I finally finished my final draft and sent it off to John Priegnitz and made a copy for Daniel Cureton also.

I spent much of the rest of the day researching the sad drama of two women fighting over the custody of a baby in a Utah Court in 1886. Neither were Utah women but the case fell into Salt Lake as one of women was working at Jim Hegney’s Rio Grande Hotel.

Around 7:30 in the evening, Kyle Foote called me and asked if I wanted to ride with him up to Syracuse to look at a site location for a Loco Burger location. Of course, I said I would as I haven’t spent much time with him since he was let go from Club Verse and he’s been so busy with Loco Burger.

There was dark clouds to the north of us and when we were past Bountiful a squall came in and it snowed until we reached the Syracuse exit at Antelope Drive. It was dark out when we reached the location and we just parked out front so Kyle could observe it for possibilities.

When we left I had him show me where he grew up. It was off Antelope Drive down by the Syracuse cemetery and he showed me the little cracker box house that he lived in until he was 14 years old and his family moved to Taylorsville. Although it was night time it was a bit nostalgic, him showing me the street he lived on and naming off the families who lived around him who were mostly in his ward. Even the Bishop lived on his street. He had to walk past the cemetery to go to Cook Elementary. It was really illuminating for me to see how sheltered he must have been growing up in a really rural part of Syracuse back then. He even said some of the roads weren’t even paved until the early 80’s.

Kyle was hungry as we drove back and so we stopped at Culver’s in Bountiful around 9 and it was still crowded, lots of people out with their kids. I said to Kyle we must be in Bountiful making a snide remark about all the kids. Everybody in the place was white which made me realize how I kind of prefer the diversity of Rose Park.

It was around 9:30 when we were home and after giving me a hug, Kyle went to his cave and I went upstairs to be greeted by four happy dogs. I was getting into bed when I heard Adrian come upstairs into the kitchen so I showed him the corned beef which I don’t think he ever had because he was skeptical of it until he tasted it and smiled. So, he had some of the yellow rice and I went back to bed.

25 March 2023 Saturday

Kyle Foote came home after 2 in the afternoon and Adrian Villalobos  was up eating some lunch. Kyle said he was hungry so he fixed himself some stir fried rice with chicken and red bell peppers with the yellow rice I made. It was nice having us all upstairs for a change. 

After eating they sat in the front room for a while and visited before Kyle asked if I wanted to go with them to get a shake at Arby’s. I said sure and that, besides walking the pups twice, was the only time I went out. This morning it was super cold so I only walked the pups a half a block.

            I made some more yellow rice for Adrian as he likes it so much and this morning before he went off to the gym, I gave him $20 for gas money. I also paid down some of my Visa Bill and my Line of Credit at America First.  It will be the first of April this time next Saturday. Seems like this month is zooming by.

            I worked a lot researching Martha Bagley and Louise Olmstead the women who claimed the same baby in 1886 here in SLC.

            Nothing new to report on Bill Poore or anyone, although I sent Ross Poore the picture, I took of Bill sleeping the other day at Mt. Olympus.

            It sure feels like December instead of the end of March as there is still snow on the ground.

26 March 2023 Sunday

Jadis the White Witch and Ice Queen of Narnia has come to Utah as everything is covered with snow from it storming all morning. I worked mainly on the computer until around 11 when it cleared long enough to take the pups out as that Taco was having a fit to go. There was still snow on the sidewalks but was melting fast.

Adrian Villalobos was gone all day into the evening, working for Door Dash using Kyle Foote’s Terrain as that Kyle was home all day working down stairs. I was checking my blood pressure all day with my monitor and it was reading over 160 even though I had been taking my blood pressure medicine and even upping the dosage which was making me kind of dizzy and I slept longer while taking a nap than I should have.

            Kyle asked if I wanted to go with his to Smith’s so he could pick up his stomach pills and go get a Dr. Pepper so I went out with him. Much of the snow was melting and with the blue skies it was pretty outside. While at Smith’s I picked up some medicine myself that Dr. Stoneburner had prescribed and I bought a flank roast to make for dinner.

            I put the roast in a crockpot took my nap and got up feeling kind of dizzy probably from the lisinopril so watched some TV, fed the pups and for my supper I had a French dip sandwich. When Adrian came home around 7:30 he and Kyle came up stairs and ate some supper then went back downstairs to spend some time together.

I stayed up to go with Kyle and Adrian to the airport at 10 tonight. Adrian was sad that he was going to be gone until Wednesday in Las Vegas for some conference. After hugging and saying our goodbyes, Kyle wanted me to drive his Terrain and take Adrian to Arby’s for a shake. However, while we ordered we were told their shake machine was down. I suspect they were already cleaning it.

Anyway, we went through Wendy’s and I bought him Frosty there and that seemed to make him happy. I don’t know if he ever had a Wendy’s Frosty before.

Anyway, heading back up Redwood about 7^th North a snow squall blew in and it reduced visibility but we were almost home. Thank goodness it hit after taking Kyle to the airport and getting Adrián his treat. So, it’s snowing again tonight covering the ground. I checked my blood pressure again before going to bed and it was still too high so I took a 10mg lisinopril pill before going to bed.

I saw this recipe on Facebook for Spanish Rice that I thought I’d try. 1 tbsp vegetable oil, ¾ c of rice stir until lightly brown, 1/3 c tomato sauce, 1 tsp Garlic powder, 1 tsp onion powder, ½ tsp cumin, 1 tbsp chicken bouillon, 1 tsp salt, Pinch of oregano and 2 c chicken broth. Let cook for 10-15 minutes covered and then turn off the heat and let it cool covered.

27 March 2023 Monday

I heard the news today I knew was coming. Bill Poore died today. I was up on my computer early as I had a 10 o’clock appointment for Roseman Dental. The snow was coming down and I checked my blood pressure and even after taking another pill last night I was at 167. I knew that my team could not work on me if I was over 160 so I went to get my phone to cancel as I didn’t want to drive all the way down there in the snow and have them turn me away. That’s when I noticed I had two messages, They were from Jim Harvey and Ross Poore informing me that Bill had died at 7 this morning.

I am surprisingly handling Bill being gone well as I knew it was a matter of time and glad, he didn’t linger. I didn’t cry. I had too much to do to inform people of his passing. In fact, I only wept a few times telling Adrian Villalobos why I was sad this morning and when I called Michael Romero to see how he was as I hadn’t heard from him in over a month. In fact, the only time I really did cry was when Ross Poore sent me pictures of Bill’s flag draped body as they wheeled him out of his room. Ross said, “They played taps as they took him out.”

First thing I did was called Roseman and canceled saying my blood pressure was too high. They gave me another appointment in mid-April at 10:30. Then I wrote on Face Book, “For his friends, Bill Poore passed away this morning at Mt. Olympus, Care Center at 7. His family said he will be cremated. He died just up the street from where his parents are buried on 33rd South. I am glad I went a week ago to say my goodbyes even though he was sound asleep and did not know I was even there. He was 75 on his last birthday Feb 6.”

I then went into the garage to get a few pictures from the boxes I brought home of his stuff. I scanned and posted them. Some of the comments I made were “Bill Poore lived in Greenwich Village in the 1980s and worked for a while at the Helen Hayes Theater and knew Harvey Fierstein and other performers. Pictures are from his hay days on Broadway.  He left New York after his friend Clyde Vinson died in 1989  who he took care of when he was dying of AIDS.

Clyde was on the faculty of University of Utah in Salt Lake City and Bill as a drama student followed him to New York City. Clyde worked at the Circle Repertory Theatre in New York City and eventually opened his own Studio there. When Derek Jacobi won his Tony Award, he thanked Clyde in his acceptance speech.

After Vinson's death, Bill left New York and moved to California where he became a director of the Diversionary Theater in San Diego.

He had an amazing life being a coal miner's daughter.  He was cantankerous as he aged but was good to me. We were good friends and had a lot of Lucy and Ethel adventures here in Utah. Rest in Peace.”

“Just a few more pictures of Bill Poore in New York.  He joined the Coast Guard after high school and actually was in New York City on the night of the Stonewall Riots in June 1969.  After getting out of the coast guard he enrolled in the Theater Department at the U of U where he received his B.A.  Left Utah in 1977 with a boyfriend to make it big in New York City.  Eventually knew many of the Gay directors and producers and lived for a time on Fire Island before AIDS began to decimate the city.”

My postings were lit up with comments of condolences. Thirty people commented on news of his death. Here are a few of them.

Richard P. Butler wrote “I am sorry for the loss of a great man. I was friends on Facebook with him and enjoyed his banter. So glad you were there for him in his time of need. It's never easy to say good bye and move on. R.I.P. Bill Poore you had a great life.”

Richard Harmston –“I give thanks for the opportunity to talk with Bill and to learn about his background in theatre and life. I hold him dear in memory.”

Kevin Scott-“He was larger than life.”

Alexis Baigue –“Thank you for letting us know, Ben. Bill was a unique individual. ¿Will a memorial service be held?” I replied, “If I hear I will let you know but I doubt it...all his siblings are in bad shape themselves. I know he told me he didn’t want one but I am not family either.”

Doug Murri wrote, “Thank you for keeping us informed, Ben. I'm glad his pain is over. But sad at this loss. You've been such a great friend to him. You always sent him home with food. He loved taking long drives with you. I first met Bill when I was in high school. He often came to visit the theatre teacher, who had been his teacher, when Bill had been at Highland. We were also students together in the theatre department at the U of U. We did 2 plays together. And he was the company manager, stage manager and assistant director at the Lagoon Opera House, the summer that I performed there. During that time, he was like my big brother. Thanks for all the kind help you gave me, Bill. Now rest in peace, my friend.” I wrote back, “He talked about you often and about the fun he had at Lagoon Opera House and how he hated Davis county cops once pulling him over. I think he said there was a lot of Pot involved with his days at Lagoon LOL.” Doug replied, “Bill was amazing at Lagoon. He was juggling many, many hats.” He sent a picture of Bill standing with 6 people at Lagoon with the caption, 'University of Utah Theatre Players 1976.'

Cole Gilmore wrote “I’m sorry for your loss. Not that you need it, but your efforts are now rewarded in peace for both of you.” I answered, “Thank you... it’s a mixed feeling... he was gone weeks ago when he could not remember or converse any longer so I was prepared to let him go.

Michael Aaron said, “You were a friend all the way to the end. You've earned your angel wings. They'll go nicely with your devil horns.”

Erick Myers added, “So sorry for your loss of a good friend, Ben. You were truly an angel to Bill, especially during his last months of life.”

A friend of Bill’s named Kathleen Bossa Lund who I don’t know sent me a message saying, “Just heard that our friend Bill left us this morning.... I'm thinking about you and what a wonderful friend you were too him. Sending love and condolences your way Mr. Williams.  I wrote back “Thank you ... I went to see him a week ago Sunday and I could tell his time was near but he looked so peaceful sleeping.  He had a great life and lived it on his terms what more can any of us want.  If you know of any of his friends who  might want to know please let them. I know he was friends with Boyer and Pat Jarvis family.”

Kathleen then said, “I have been in touch with his friend Peter Willardson, Jimmy Phelps, and one other who's name I can't remember right now....and have a few others I will get in touch with....Ben, you were the best friend anyone could ever want. I have felt love for you for a very long time...ever since Bill was sharing posts about you drives together and the wonderful meals you would share with him. Yes, Bill definitely lived by his own terms”  I replied, “He was a character for sure with a big heart.”

She said, “Hard for me to believe he is gone.” I responded, “I was with him and saw his decline...his dementia was severe at the end and was nearly deaf and blind... that was hard when there was no more Bill there...so just made sure he was safe and not in pain...his brother-in-law was a Saint with his medical.”

Kathleen Bossa Lund replied, “I wondered for a while since he called me many times when he was actually trying to get in touch with you....so we would just say hello and "love you" and he would try to contact you again. I understand how difficult it is to watch a dear friend towards the end, I just lost another dear one just before Christmas. It was reassuring to know Bill had you, sorry to hear what y'all were going through, sending much love your way. R.I.P. Bill, I will love and miss you forever, dear friend.

            For much of this melancholy morning it snowed well into the early afternoon about 2 inches or more but by midafternoon it had cleared up, the sun came out, and it began to melt really fast so I was able to give the pups a walk. Other than leaving the house in the early evening to walk them again, I never left the house.

            When I called Michael to see how he was doing and tell him about Bill, he said he was doing okay. His doctor said his feet had stabilized but he ordered a walker. He and his brother John are plaining on going back to Cleveland to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this spring and he said he’d be bringing his trailer over in mid-April. I know he’s worried about Coco as she is getting blind and doesn’t like to leave his side. She is probably between 13 and 14 years old, which is a long time for a Schnauzer.

            Anyway, Adrian was gone most of the day to the gym or door dashing and didn’t hear a word from Kyle Foote, not had I expected to.  The weather turned so nice in the evening that Carlos Bahena and a son was cleaning up the debris between the houses. He wants to finish removing the globe willow soon.

            I watched some television and ate Corn Chowder that I made this morning but mostly was reflecting on the death of Bill. Another chapter in my life has closed. Our chapters end so that others can begin.

28 March 2023 Tuesday

Finally having time to reflex on Bill Poore's passing. It makes me happy how much we laughed over Charles Frost once calling him "a community treasure."   Whenever Charles wanted some gossip, he'd butter people up by calling them a "community treasure."

I don't think Bill ever considered himself part of Salt Lake's Gay community as much as he was a part of Utah's Theater Community.

I know he knew most of the people in the U of U's theater department and also was a close friend of Boyer and Pat Jarvis. He was especially close to Ursel Allred, the drama teacher at Highland High School. He'd insist every so often that we go to this diner where Ursel always went. Bill was class president at Highland after his family moved to SLC from Price.

He'd say that back in the 70's when he was at the U of U, he was openly Gay but when I pressed him on the point, he would just say among the U's theater department LOL. Theater people ha!  He was never active in the fledgling Gay organizations back then but just partied among the theater kids.

Richard Harmston responded to my posting, “Those theatre parties were the best!” Ron Johnson asked, “What year was Bill the class president at Highland High?” I replied “Somewhere around 1965 and 1966 or 67, I think. Not sure” and Amy Barry wrote, “65 is when my mom graduated from Highland. Small world. So glad I got to know Bill, even just a tiny bit.”

Doug Murri commented, “You describe the Bill I knew. In the theatre department, it was safe to be out. But, not as safe outside of those walls. Calling someone a "Theatre person" was synonymous with calling them "A friend of Dorothy".

“Our mutual love and friendship with Ursel Allred is what brought Bill and me together as friends. Ursel LOVED to hear Bill talk about his life in NYC. Bill was a great friend to Ursel. And Ursel loved Bill like a son. I hope Bill knew how many lives he touched. Bill loved the kids he taught at the U of U. I'm sure he had a big influence on many of them.” I responded, “He was one of the most popular teachers from student surveys.” Before Bill died, I saw these surveys on line and shared with Bill what was said about him.

Kyle Foote called me around noon, saying that he had just read my posts about Bill Poore dying and wanted to see how I was doing. I told him the same as I’ve told others that I am okay that I was prepared to lose him as he had gone weeks ago. We talked a little about the work truck parked on the pad as I suggested we sell it as is rather than let it deteriorate but Kyle was against it and seems to think he will get it fixed and use it someday so I just dropped it.

Adrian Villalobos was gone most of the day and the weather was nice enough to walk the pups twice. I can walk them later now as its getting lighter in the late afternoon.

In the evening I went to the Gay Men’s support group and there was only a turnout of about ten people but that’s okay. Bill Blevins spent a lot of the time asking for suggestions on how to deal with family matters and it was just a generic meeting. I saw Rick Egan there. He is the brother of Elaine Day who I taught with at Orchard Elementary over 30 years ago.

It was good for me to get out rather than dwell on the loss of Bill Poore but I am also glad I didn’t go last week as the meeting was devoted to a Transman who identified as Gay and while I am okay with that, I still didn’t care to hear how a trans person can truly identify with being a Gay man without having all the experiences we had to endure. He has his own struggles I am sure but they are not the same as mine or my Gay friends.  A poem he wrote was read at the meeting which after it was read, I said change the word Trans to Gay and we all had the same struggle. It’s not unique to Trans. Oh well.

Back at the house I had a French dip sandwich and watched some Television but before going to bed I noticed that Adrian’s car was home as well as another car parked behind his. So, he had some company over. I didn’t care. Boys will be boys especially at 25.

I remembered that Jarvis Boyer died in 2019 on this date the day after Bill Poore died yesterday. They were good friends. Boyer Jarvis was a professor at the U and once served as Grand Marshal of the Utah Pride Parade.

Bill had written at the time of Boyer's passing "Bill Poore wrote, “My dear friend Boyer Jarvis passed away....his history speaks for itself. Greatness just is and that is exactly what he was, Great. I love you Boyer. RIP dear friend. He and his friend Clyde Vinson, my mentor, are now together. I can just hear them. "Life is going to hell in a hand bucket or basket". Now Bill can join them.

29 March 2023 Wednesday

I went to my America First Credit Union and withdrew $200 which I gave to Adrian Villalobos to send to his mother. When he came up for breakfast, we talked about how the first of the month was coming up fast and I thought I would help the boy out with his financial obligations. Also, I guess it was his brother-in-law who was over last night not some trick. Later when he came home from the gym, he said some guy down there wanted to pick him up, but he said no that he had a boyfriend.

            I breaded some pork chops and fried them with some apples for his lunch. All he could talk about was Kyle Foote coming home tonight. I only walked the pups once as the wind kicked up ahead of a storm that blew in a lot of rain in the evening. 

            Kyle called and said he will be in around 10 at night and when he called to come get him, there was a hard rain coming down making lots of standing water on the road and it was hard to see the lane lines at night. I drove to the airport and there Adrian was so ecstatic about having him home, kissing and a hugging on him and Kyle on him.

I let Kyle drive home so they could be in the front seats. Kyle said he learned a lot at his conferences in Vegas but sometime later will have to go to Denver with Fernando and Maria, the Loco Burger owners.

            I wanted to go to bed when we were home but Lulubelle had wet the bed so I had to strip it and remake it. I also decided to sweep and mop the floor also. The pups bring in so much dirt from outside since there is no grass in the back yard anymore. It was after 11 before I was really able to climb into bed.

            I thought about Bill Poore a lot today, not weepy, but just kind of sad like losing so many people as we all age. I was listening on NPR to an interview of director Guillermo del Toro on his views on death and he said that without death there would be no beginning. It’s death that makes our time here meaningful. He said immortality would be horrible and I agree. If you lived forever, you would see all the ones you love pass away time after time.

            In the news a threat was called into several high schools across the country, and in Utah, which shut down some schools. West High was one of them but because they were on Spring Break it did not affect the students. It turned out to be a hoax from outside of the country.

30 March 2023 Thursday

I slept in until almost 6 from going to bed so late. It had snowed overnight and it snowed all this morning and only saw Adrian Villalobos a couple of times between his going to the gym and working. I didn’t see Kyle Foote at all. His restitution payment is due Saturday and the other day I asked him if he had enough to pay it and he said he did so I can’t worry about it anymore. I paid too much for it myself and if he’s being irresponsible, I guess he can deal with the consequences.

            I went to the store to buy Adrian some groceries and cleaning supplies from Dollar Tree and walked the dogs twice once it stopped snowing. The sidewalks cleared pretty quickly because it was warm yesterday.

            I spent much of the day, as I do, on the computer researching the characters who once lived on Second South. I think it helps keeps my brain active. No one that I know of, in my family, had dementia or Alzheimer so I am hopefully that I can enjoy the rest of my life mentally unimpaired.

            The other day 3 kids and 3 teachers were killed in a Christian school in Nashville, Tennessee. Just another day in the NRAmerica. I think it’s kind of telling that so many are upset with the slaughter of these school children and adults than they were over the slaughter of the Uvalde children in Texas.

The Manhattan Grand Jury has agreed to indict Trump for concealing a payment to his prostitute. First time ever a former president has ever been indicted. Break out the good stuff and celebrate.

31 March 2023 Friday

It snowed again this morning but didn’t stick around. I worked on some of my research and also had to strip the bed again because Lulubelle had an accident. Oh well… we all have accidents. I walked the pups twice and only went out in the evening to buy some sugar and some other items as that Adrian Villalobos had used up all I had, making his daily juices.  He’s really getting buffed again going to the gym daily. Who’d have thought in my old age I would get to see a handsome young man in gym shorts and tank tops in my kitchen.

            Kyle Foote called in the afternoon needing a power strip and that was about the only time I saw him was when he came home to retrieve it. However later in the evening he called me to tell me that he was hired to consult with another food business down in South Jordan by the mother-in-law of the folks who own Loco Burger. He was given a $2000 check so that will really help with paying his restitution for April. I was excited for him that things seem to be going right for him if he doesn’t screw up anymore. Maybe he finally found a niche as a consultant.

            Kyle said that Jim Dabakis called him while Kyle was in Vegas needing a handy man to fix a garbage disposal in one of Jim’s places so recommended his friend Brian Deveraux.

            I sometimes forget how old I am until I reflect on my family. Today is my Grandma Williams birthday. She was only 49 years old when I was born and today is her 121st birthday. She was born in Stonewall County, Texas died in 1979 at the age of 76. I was lucky to know her as long as I did and I will always miss her.

            So, March 2023 has come to an end and so had the life of Bill Poore. I don’t think I have really processed it yet. I think it was because there was no funeral or memorial. It’s like he just disappeared. I put so much energy into taking care of him from the first of the year that it’s hard for me to realize another chapter has closed.

            It’s been a wet and snowy month with some ski resorts getting over 800 inches of snow. Tornadoes are wreaking havoc in Arkansas and I feel sorry only for them who didn’t vote for Sarah Huckabee.  New York City is prepping for Trump to come next Tuesday for his mug shot and fingerprinting and the police are expecting trouble from his minions.

            It’s been so wet and cool this month that nothing has bloomed, not even my forsythia’s whose yellow blossoms had always been out by the end of March. Oh well. Better than having a drought.