Spring 2nd Quarter Journal 2012 April-June

 

April

1 April 2012 Sunday

It’s LDS Conference weekend and it’s been raining most of the day. I am Having griddle cakes and country sausages with hot coffee watching the rain come down. When the Saints Meet the Heavens Weep.

I haven't heard from anyone if there's been any Gay bashing this conference session and yes people it’s still bashing even when said with kind words and expressions of love over the pulpit.

Woohoo I finally paid off American Express. Half of Kyle Foote's debt is now gone! Only $10,000 more to go! It’s All downhill now baby! I am so glad to be out from under that now.

 I owe Sears about $500, Lowe’s $2400, Citibank $3500, Horizon Visa $6500, plus I am still paying on the Sonoma truck and PT Cruiser.  A little here, a little there and time will take care of it eventually.

I sent Kyle $30 who is at the Beaver County Jail. 

Yesterday everyone was out on the deck visiting and it was such a warm pretty spring day, kind of breezy. Charles Frost and I were setting, visiting, and having a nice time and I almost teared up thinking of the time that Kyle built me this deck.

The day seemed to just drag on today because it was rainy and cold out. Shall I make veggie-beef soup, chili, or stew? I think soup. Soup sounds good and you can slurp soup and half the fun of eating soup is slurping...slurp! I love saying slurp-slurp-slurp! Almost as much as I like slurping! Admit it you like to slurp too!

 

I Spent two and half hours being interviewed by someone writing a master’s thesis on Gays at BYU. So that's how I spent my conference afternoon, it being ever so special. If I can't be pretty I can always be special.

I Spent much of the rest of the evening waiting for James Clark and his family to get in. They finally arrived about 9 o’clock at night and we visited for about an hour before going to bed.

This is the first time I’ve had family in the house since mom and dad came to visit Mike Romero and me in 1997.

 

2  April 2012 Monday

It was Chilly day with the cool breeze. I got Buddy's teeth all clean and pearly at the vet’s and my nephew James Clark, his wife Rachel and son Jaiden and I went to the new City Creek Mormon Mall. It smelled all new like the Titanic must have on its maiden voyage. It was still super crowded probably because of Spring Break then I treated them to lunch at the iconic Chuck A Rama! I knew a 5 year old would love the “mac and cheese” and fries! It was a nice day visiting with my family.

In the evening they just rested after the long trip. Jaiden slept with Rachel downstairs and James slept in the movie room.

 

3 April 2012 Tuesday

I took my nephew James Clark and his family up Big Cottonwood Canyon. We went to Brighton where Jaiden Clark got to play in the snow. Then we went over to Park City. It was a beautiful day but no snow fell! Jaiden just calls me "uncle". It’s nice to be called "uncle" again.

 

4 April 2012 Wednesday

The family and I went to Chinese Gourmet out on 45th South and State Street and it really didn’t seem as good as last time, but James and Rachel loved it. I took a few pictures of Jaiden at the big table. He can be so sweet and he calls me ‘uncle’ but he’s sure can get wound up around his parents.

 

James helped me put the lattice around the decking where the hot tub sits. It was such a pretty day. Rachel said now I have memories of James helping me and not just Kyle Foote. That is so true.

 

5 April 2012 Thursday

James Clark, his wife Rachel, and son Jaiden just took off for home. We had a good visit. My grandma Johnson always called it a "glad lonesome" after company left. You are a little lonesome but glad to get back into the old routine I suppose. First time I've had family come visit me in 15 years.

I think Daisy is missing Rachel my nephews wife. She got real attached to her and now she won't eat and sits at the top of the stairs looking down waiting for her to come up.

 

6 April 2012 Friday

It was a weird day. It snowed this morning! Steve Bolinder came over this afternoon at 4 to groom the dogs but he looked really beat so I only had him do Coco and we rescheduled for next Saturday at 3:00. 

I was glad any way because I met this cute guy off of Silver Daddies that wanted to come over to play. His name was Mike and lives here in Rose Park but I don’t think he’s very out. He said he was burned by the Bear Club and doesn’t want much to do with the community. So I gave him a good massage and he wanted to fuck me so I let him. He had had sex in a long time he said and he was a powder keg fuck.

It was a crazy night with an armed man arrested for trying to get into Tryangles and another man robbing the PWACU’s Our Store and sending Tom Shoemaker a volunteer to the hospital.

Tryangles is a local Gay Bar and Our Store is a thrift store for the People With AIDS Coalition. I hope these were random and not something more sinister. Conservatives have turned Utah in an armed paranoid state. We have a Stand Your Ground Law too but guess how it would turn out if gays start shooting whenever we feel threatened .

The Mormon Church is getting its filthy hands again into Gay Marriage and this time in Maryland. For all you who are thinking about shopping at the Mormon Mall in SLC join me in boycotting it. Don't give one dime to the oppressor- maybe its tenants will pressure the Mormons landlord to knock their persecution off and do the right thing by loving thy neighbor as thyself or at minimum leave us the hell alone.

Have Republicans gone insane? In Arizona they are proposing a law that life begins two weeks before conception when a woman in ovulating and in Georgia they are proposing women carry stillborn babies to term. I always thought any Gay person who voted Republican must be self-hating but now I think it’s true if women do.

To paraphrase Joseph Welch I say this to Republicans: You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?

 

7 April 2012 Saturday

Daisy came into the bathroom and climbed into the bathtub. I never saw her do that before. So I figured she wanted a bath so I soaked her, soaped her, and cleaned her under carriage. She seemed so happy. I wonder if I got into some one's bath tub they would do the same for me. Probably not so I went and soaked in the hot tub and let my lovely jets do their magic. Ahh perfect day...

I think I am hungry just out of habit. It’s like I should be eating something but nothing sounds good. What a rich spoiled man am I. The entire world should have such a PROBLEM. Grateful to be a rich spoiled American in a land of plenty. So I bought some fresh green beans today. I sat on my back porch snapping them and feeling so connected with my grandmas.

I would sit at the kitchen table and help them snap beans and hear them talk about family, cooking, and the stuff that goes into being alive. Funny I never feel closer to them than when I am snapping beans. I guess it’s because its Easter tomorrow and we always had some big picnic in the park with all the kinfolk. I have only one Aunt left from that big family. None of my boy cousins wanted to sit and snap beans. Only me, the sissy boy. ha.

Then I made some scalloped potatoes and baked beans for tomorrow but I couldn’t help nibbling on the ham. Is it wrong to be snacking on baked ham while watching the movie Babe? I feel there's an ethical dilemma here somewhere. Oh well. That will do.

I swear which is crazier being a Gay Mormon or being a Gay Catholic? Herr Ratzinger otherwise known as the Pope spent billions covering up pederastic priests and now has made Mr. Timothy Dolan otherwise known as the Archbishop of NY a cardinal! Dolan said that part of his new job will be to convince the Vatican that New York City is not a modern-day version of the Biblical Sodom and Gomorrah at the same time denying Catholic Charities to help Gay homeless youth!

Jesus said the sins of the Cities of the plains was "INHOSPITALITY" so I guess the Diocese of NYC is the new Sodom!

Some kids at BYU made an “It Gets Better” video for teens suicide. Everyone is so excited about how BYU is making strides. I wrote to a friend that “I am happy they aren't being hounded anymore but still their church condemns these kids to a loveless, sexless, joyless, life of frustration celibacy and loneliness. They can't kiss, hold hands, or show signs of affection that non Gay kids gets to do on campus PLUS they are never allowed a sexual outlet that NON Gay kids have--Marriage.

 

Easter Sunday 8 April 2012

I did nothing, and it was wonderful. I suppose I should have taken Chuck Whyte to church at the 1st Baptist but it was really nice just to be left alone of this Beautiful Easter Day.

My sister Charline Wachs went over to my niece Denise’s for a BBQ with my nephew James and his family. I heard my cousin Larry Fagen’s boy, Aaron, came over and finally met the family. He’s just a couple of years younger than James and they are 2nd cousins. I hope they can be friends.

It was kind of a productive Easter. I wrote two columns today for the Q. One is on “Thamyris” from Greek Mythology and the other on the 1979-80 crisis within the Royal Court.

I've already submitted two for April, one on Fitz-Greene Halleck a forgotten 19th century literary figure and one on Herman Melville and his homoerotic passages. So now I don't have to write an article till June! Whoopee! And Michael Aaron usually drags out that old chestnut on Gay Pride that I wrote years ago so I am probably set until mid-June!

My pen pal friend Ron Holmgren wrote this to me on FB: “This seems to be a good time to thank you for your column on the Royal Court. What a nice walk down memory lane. Oh, the times we had the Rusty Bell. Mack Hunt...and so many of the others you wrote about. I can still see my grand entrance into the Rusty Bell on Halloween. I was in drag, and I made the Cyber Sluts look lovely.”

 

9 April 2012 Monday

It was such a gorgeous day this first day back to school after the Spring Break. I was proud of myself coming home after work to clean out the flower bed along the south wall of the house and trim the pink rose bush back that I should have done last fall. I spent about an hour out there.

This beautiful weather makes me want to plant flower but I’m afraid to yet. It’s Another month before any sign of frost will be over but it’s been so warm this winter maybe I will chance it. My tulips and hyacinths are all bloomed out and with the buttery yellow of the forsythias everything looks so pretty. My lilacs are getting ready to bloom.   Before going to bed, I started typing up my Journal from 1994 when I brought Michael Romero home from Rock Springs. I was so in love with him and I thought he was with me. Maybe he was once. Well, my 60 years is almost over. It started out great with a swell party thrown by Kyle Foote with lots of friends attending but then 3 days later my mom died. Then 3 months later Kyle stole $20,000 from me and broke my heart. I had to go into therapy for the first time in my life for depression and a broken heart; but you know what?

Stuff just happens and you have to say Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Zip-A-Dee-A and move on. Nobody promised me a Rose Garden so I will just plant my own. I wonder what 61 will bring. Que Sera Sera what will be will be.

Kent Larsen from my old Cypress College days made a comment on Face Book saying: “‎61 is not so bad. I made the switch several months ago. Good luck old man - Happy Birthday! Funny thing is you start thinking about how nice it will be when you can get Medicare.”

 I wrote him back saying; “Kent you will always be 19 and funny and running the Bernstein House at Cypress! Were we ever that young? If we had not shared an Art locker we might have never known each other lol.”

 

10 April 2012 Tuesday

It’s My 61st birthday and I was also born on Tuesday. It was such a beautiful day. They said it’s 78 degrees in the city. Wow! I usually take my birthday off but not this year. I think because we just had spring break I was pretty rested up for.

Jeny Petersen my co-worker in 5th grade even bought me a little cake  and at the end of the day Kyle Foote’s sister Jami Fultz actually brought in ice cream in for the kids.

We talked about Kyle of course while the kids were down in computers. She said he hasn’t written or called her in a long while, not since he asked for money to buy a prison jump suit that fits. All they had was x-large and he’s so small.

I told her that I didn’t file charges against Kyle because of what Randy told me and that I just want to move on.  So funny that Kyle was brought up again on my birthday.

Anyway Randy and Kimberlee Gile wanted to take me out for my birthday so we went to P F Chang on 3rd South and 2nd East. Michael Romero was invited but chose not to go. He said he had a meeting but I know better. He always has a meeting when he doesn’t want to do something. Well it doesn’t bother me anymore.

I had a very nice time with the Giles and they bought me some flowers. Their oldest daughter Elyse was there too but not Kayla who was still exhausted from their quick trip to Disneyland over spring break.

 When I came home there was soup on my doorstep that Darren Solomon left me for my birthday. What a character.

There were lots of birthday wishes today on face book and in email. Face book said that 37 friends wished me birthday.

 

From Steve Brackenbury: “Ben - It has been so nice for me to have reconnected with you via Face book. I know that it is not the same as being in person and face to face, but you have really been an enrichment to my life and reminded me how wonderful passionate living can be. I look forward to seeing what you are up to every week.

You came into my life at a pivotal moment and I will always be grateful for that. You hold a special place marker in my life. You are one of the few heroes that I have known and that is not bullshit. Here is to you and to your day. It has always been a pleasure to say that I have known you once, for those times that were golden with your goodness and the ways you enriched my life. so... Happy Birthday to you! You are carried with kindness, like a happy souvenir, within my heart. Best Always, Steve”

Then Steve Brackenbury wrote on his own Face book Page: “So here comes the birthday of a long ago friend - Ben Williams - a most talented writer, a chronicler of history. Ben writes for QSaltLake. Once, long ago, he was a dear close friend in Salt Lake, I reconnected with him through Face book. Here is an article that he wrote about someone I knew well, Wendy Weaver, who lived in my small hometown of Spanish Fork. Her story is that of a modern day witch hunt and how she triumphed. Ben and Wendy are folks who have fought the good fight to win civil rights for gay folks, the civil rights that all should enjoy. These are my heroes, my role models. Happy birthday to Ben and here is to a raised glass for Wendy...”

My sister Charline wrote-“Today is my baby brothers birthday he turns 61 and he is four years younger than me. He has always been smart into reading and following my sister Donna around. They were very close I always felt odd man out mainly because both are so smart. I have learnt more about my brother’s life on face book and reading his articles in the last two years then I ever knew.

I really miss out because I never really got to know the man he has become. We only see each other every so often. He is my baby brother and I love him. He is a wonderful man. I want to wish him a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY. May your life be filled with much joy, happiness, good health, and love.”

I wrote Charline back saying: Love you to sis p.s. you were always beating me up because I was a little brat when we were kids on Dale Street. I still have the scar on my wrist from pushing my hand through the glass window because we were fighting over whether to have it open or closed. We were lucky to have survived! I told James how you'd rat your hair all up and spray it with lacquer for it to stay before heading off to school in Junior High! He laughed! : ) LOL”

 

11 April 2012 Wednesday

Poor Daisy must have gobbled a chicken jerky treat the wrong way and part of it stuck in her throat this morning. She had a terrible time and would not let me help her but I gave her gobs of milk and that seemed to have washed it down. It scared me.  I don't know how a parent can stand having a really sick child. Must be the worst thing ever.

  After school came home and cleaned up a bit because I spent the rest of the evening eating Chinese Food and sitting in the hot tub in the rain with Charles Frost. Charles brought dinner from Asian Isle by his house. It is so good. What a wonderful way to spend the evening talking about life, the community, politics, and handsome men. I love my friends they are SOOO awesome!

Charles said to watch out for Tiki Beard that she only uses people and is a devotee of Brandi Balkin of Equality Utah. Charles Frost and hubby Doug Lott gave me a birthday card with words of wisdom I have to share- “Life is all about asses- You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one. Now get your ass in gear and celebrate!”

Now I am Drinking a small glass of Pearl Creamy Nigori Sake' Momo Kawa that Charles Lynn Frost had left over before going to bed. Is there an ethical dilemma of drinking Sake' after the Rape of Nanking? Does Japanese go with Chinese? All I know is its pretty tasty!

 

12 April 2012 Thursday

It’s Hard to keep kids on task when it's lightening and thundering and the ions are flying! It was an indoor recess all day because of the rain and lightning. I guess I was especially tired because the kids being inside all day. It really got on my nerves.

 

13 April 2012 Friday the 13th

Today at school we will be losing a teacher and doing split classes next year because of the budget crunch.

 

Well I guess the Billion dollar Mormon Mall will have no shortage of service low paying jobs for when or if these kids graduate from high school but I will still do my best with what the state gives me. Pack them deep and teach them cheap and vote Republican.

A year ago my sweet mom flew off to heaven. Really didn’t want to do anything today so I canceled going to a play with Bill Poore. It’s the 1st anniversary of my mother’s death.

In the evening I just posed on FB old Carter Family songs that mom liked especially Will the Circle Be Unbroken?

Josh Jones wrote me-“Ben I just read "A Knickerbocker Love Story" in the newspaper. What a great piece. You can't find historical accounts like that anywhere else. Thank you.”

 

14 April 2012 Saturday

It was Rainy and Misty for much of the day. So no yard work. I stayed home and watched “Valley of Dolls”.  I need some trash in my life. When you have a head cold bundle up with hot tea and watch something good and tawdry. Best Cat fight in Cinema History "now get out of my way I've Got man waiting for me"

My very first car I bought was a 1971 Ford Pinto. I had it nearly 7 years I called it my Pinto Blow About. I bought it in 1972 age 20 yrs., new for $2,000 and I could fill the 10 gallon tank up for $2.50.

I wish I could be more like Will Rogers- "When I die, my epitaph, or whatever you call those signs on gravestones, is going to read: "I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like." I am so proud of that; I can hardly wait to die so it can be carved."

 

15 April 2012 Sunday

At 2:20 in the morning, 100 years ago today HMS Titanic slid under the north Atlantic waters with the loss of 1500 men, women, and children; leaving a scar in the Anglo-American psyche for 100 years.

My grandmother Johnson was a 12 old girl  and living in Elk City Oklahoma but said it gave her nightmares as a little girl. The sinking ripped apart the Edwardian arrogance of class superiority and faith in technology. But here we are 100 years later and if the Titanic sank today you know Ann Romney would make it into a lifeboat but would you? The Republicans are making sure we don't have enough lifeboats for everyone.

I Went to the Baptists this morning because I was asked to do the scripture read. I later had a nice birthday brunch with Amy Barry at “Eggs In the City” on 1300 South and 1700 East which is nearly diagonally from where I live at 1700 North and 1700 West.

 

We had a long wait of an hour, but Amy said that it didn't seem like an hour visiting and I said because you are with Ben Williams who can talk for hours LOL.

It was such a gorgeous day! We talked of Democrat politics, Sugar House Farmer Market goings on, Pride Day stuff, Gay history, and of course Kyle Foote LOL. I wonder if his ears were burning.

 

16 April 2012 Monday

I was so tired much of the day because of a restless night up peeing a lot and going to bed too late. The day was so long.

Teinamarrie Scuderi sent me this invite: “ Hi Darling, I was wondering if you would be open to having coffee or lunch with Mel Nimer and me. The reason I'm asking is because I value your opinion and experience and I think it would be beneficial for the two of you to meet and share your experiences. I am with you on the whole "gay republican". I really don't understand it. I also don't have the experience and knowledge like you to really ask the questions ask why gay people can be part of the Republican Party. I also know that Mel really believes in being part of the Republican Party and feels he can change it from the inside.

Believe it or not Mel and the Log Cabin republicans are surprising making a difference.  This invitation is in no way a ploy to get you to change your stance on Republicans. It really and truly is an opportunity for two people I admire to meet and have a great discussion. I love learning from you and this would be a great opportunity. With love, Teinamarrie

I sent the invite on  to Charles Frost to see what he thought and this is what he said: “I think she is right. She, Teinamarrie would learn a lot. Mel on the other hands is a stubborn, opinionated, old grandma gay, who ONLY pretends to listen. Beware. He will dominate, as he always does. He drives me and most of the other LGBT world insane. Just FYI. If he would indeed shut the fuck up and listen to you, he could learn a hell of a lot, and it would benefit him tremendously in his ill-conceived Republican conquest. He is running for office, you knew that, right? Lord help us. His partner Rusty has the patience of Job, plus Daddy Mel pays for almost everything. Don't get this opinionated old queen (meaning me) started. XXOO Charles Lynn.”

My friend Don Penrose who lives in California now but I’ve known since he was a teenager in the 1980’s wrote this in his Blog;

“For years, I had noticed the small advertisement about “Sacred Faeries” and local pagans in the gay community’s newspaper but had no solid images of what those things meant. The only excuse that I needed, at the time, was that it was in no way related to Mormonism.

I called the number and left a message with my name and number. A man named Jimmy called me back. The Sacred Faeries in Salt Lake City was a split-off from “The Radical Faeries” in San Francisco, a group I also knew nothing about. He prompted me with examples in the media, but I barely connected.

The local group met on each full moon, or to the closest one possible. Often, the group would also observe new moon circles. He spoke of festivals and times like I already knew what he was talking about: Yule, Samhain, Mabon, Imbolc, Ostara, Beltane, Litha, and Lughnasadh.

Jimmy was the gatekeeper for the group: he answered questions for the seekers or the curious, he interviewed prospects, and it was he who would give an initial “reading” before the person attended their first circle. I wasn’t sure what he meant by “circle.” I admit, I had flashbacks to bad porn with the word, but let it pass without comment.

We set a date for a reading, I thanked him for his time, and we hung up. A few days later I met him at his apartment downtown, not far from where the Greek festival was hosted each year. He introduced himself as “Fuku” (pronounced FooKoo), instead of Jimmy.

He was a small Asian man and he wore a long, flowing, cream colored robe-type thing. His hair was pulled back into a pony tail that fell to the middle of his back. He invited me inside and I removed my shoes and followed him through billowing material suspended from the ceiling into the center of his living room.

The air smelled of incense and there were candles on each wall. He offered water, wine, or tea and I asked for the tea. I sat on cushions on the floor in front of a low table and waited. He returned with a small tray of two steaming cups, sugar, cream, spoons, and sliced lemon. He sat across from me and served the tea.

“We worship the goddess and the god,” he said. I nodded, the faint memories of reading coming back to me. I wondered if he meant goddess and god with a big or little “g,” so I asked him. His eyes smiled into mine. “However you choose.”

We sipped our tea. He set the tray aside and opened a small box. He pulled the silk covering away from a deck of cards, a kind that I had not seen before. “Tarot?” I asked. He shook his head. “Medicine cards.” I looked at him blankly. “But those have Native American symbols.” He smiled into my eyes again. “We’re multi-culturally inclined.”

He shuffled the cards briefly, and then handed the deck to me. While I shuffled, he explained that we would pull cards for each of the nine directions and then we would pull my totem, or spirit animal. With a totem, I could enter as a candidate of the Sacred Faeries.

At my first circle, I would choose a circle name, a faerie name. I nodded, already knowing my name.

I asked about the men in the group and he said that each person brought their own gifts to the circle: backgrounds and beliefs in yoga, mathematics, tarot, astrology, massage, drumming, and origami. I wondered what I would bring.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed his robe-type thing, how the lower portion had slits up both sides. “Is that a dress?” I asked him. He smiled wider. “Of a sort.”

At my expression, he leaned closer. “No, most of the others don’t do camp. We might all be silly, but not everyone’s camp.” He stared at my legs. “You would look great in a skirt.” I laughed and shuffled one more time.

He fanned the cards on the table, face down. “In a moment, put your hand above the cards. As I describe each direction, pull a card for the one that pulls back at you.” I nodded, familiar with drawing this way for tarot readings.

We pulled for north, south, east, west, up, down, left, right, and inside. He laid the cards around me in a circle face down on the floor. The afternoon had turned to evening, the candles blazing the room into an oasis of light. My tea was hours old. We turned over each card and he spoke to me of totem animals, their meanings, and their messages to me.

Near the end, he stacked all the cards of my circle and had me shuffle only those nine. He fanned the cards in an arc in front of me. “We will do this three times. Choose the one that represents your totem.”

I picked one and turned it over. He stacked the cards, shuffled once, and fanned them again. At his eyebrow gesture, I chose again and turned over a card – the same as the first. He stacked and shuffled and fanned them one last time. I let my hand move and picked the card, turning it over. It was the same, all three times.

Fuku’s face was composed, but his eyes were smiling into mine. “The card you draw is magical. It means ‘illusion’ and ‘vision.’ Your totem is the Owl. Welcome, initiate, to the Sacred Faeries.”

 

17 April 2012 Tuesday

I finally slept better “yay!” after talking to my dear longtime friend John Reeves who lives in Boston now. We created Beyond Stonewall together so many years ago. I think it changed the lives of those who attended for the better.

Also Don Penrose blogged about his experience in the Sacred Faeries that Connell O'Donovan, Mike Pipkin, and I created in the summer of 1989 to bring magick to SLC's Gay community. We needed all the queer energy we could muster back then. LOL Good times. It's good to know that in the little time I get to be on this planet I've done some good.

It really rained hard this morning and we had to have an earth quake drill.  We are having the “great shakeup earthquake” drill this morning and what a fine day to have an emergency outdoor evacuation. Gawd! Well the good news is I will have a lot of sick absent kids tomorrow  from standing out in the rain lol.

When I came home I worked in the front yard pulling weeds and hoeing and raking for about an hour. It’s easier to do when the ground is still wet. What a good neighbor I am. I’ve got to get everything pretty for May when the poppies and irises bloom. Call me Farmer Ben Williams.

I do not like the Romney’s. Work for Ann Romney is picking out what dress to wear to the next Country Club Charity event. At least Princess Diana was a school teacher before she married into wealth. Princess Ann Romney did nothing but make Romney's life more privileged. As daughter of the Mayor of Bloomfield Hills MI, she attended the private Kingswood School which was the sister school to the all-boys Cranbrook School that Mitt attended. She went from daddy's wealth to Romney's wealth and joined the LDS church to boot. Poor struggling Romney’s... they were so poor that they had to live off their stock portfolio in college because neither worked.

 

18 April 2012 Wednesday

I had a new experience tonight. As a 61 years old man I had never ate a ‘box meal’ at a Vietnamese Restaurant. Charles Frost invited me to go with him to the Hale Theater to see the play ‘Father of the Bride’ and we first stopped at this little place on 35th South in West Valley that was so good.

It was great catching up on gossip and the Hale theater was fun because I was with Charles and he hooked up with some of his theater Buddies like Kent Frogley. However the play was very predictable and Charles was gagging over all the over acting so we left at intermission.

My ass had been dragging all week but tonight pepped me back up. I Read a true love story linked to the sinking of the Titanic between Archibald Butts and Frank Millett.

 

19 April 2012 Thursday

I was a dork even as a kid, for next to Superman, my favorite Comic Books were the "Classic Illustrated" ones. I had a fairly literate knowledge of the plots of the great classics by the time I was in Junior High. Superman however was my favorite not because of his super powers but because of his muscles and that bulge in his red Speedos that I was mysteriously drawn to. Oh My God! Superman turned me Gay!

 

20 April 2012 Friday

I just finished working in the yard since 5:30 this afternoon. Still raking, pruning, weeding, and mowing. Its strenuous but good for me. This and the 1/2 mile walk to Bountiful Electric with my students today means I got more than my share of exercise in.

I had a wonderful lunch with Dr. Ross Poore talking about the novel he is writing. We ate at Plate and Palates in Bountiful.

I also finished Amy Barry's carrot birthday cake. I never made this recipe before so am wary. I like new recipes but makes you nervous when making it for others. So how was your day?

 

21 April 2012 Saturday

I may be old and useless but I refuse to let my front yard make me its bitch. I am going to get down and dirty and make it respect me. I am going pull and yank and show who's boss. Yeah who's being ploughed now? You better not resist or I'll spread manure all over you. Yeah you'd like that wouldn't you? You better give it up or I’ll sic my hoe on you. ( Sometimes you have to show your yard who's boss)

I am exhausted, hot, sweaty, my heart is racing but now the yard is submissive and ready to do my bidding. I am the master of the house! I put up the scrap lattice on the tool shed so I can plant climbing sweet peas. I blew off the deck, sat and watched a beautiful sunset, and then took a well-deserved soak in the hot tub.

I realized while I was doing yard work and repairs today that last year I was doing everything to make Kyle happy and for the parties he planned on having. Now I am doing it all for myself because it makes me happy and I want to have some fun parties this summer. I think this is a healthier spot to be in.

Also brought over to Amy Barry her 4 lb. carrot birthday cake and she loved it so I am happy.

God, I love Salt Lake City! We have a pyramid for mummification, the Joseph Smith Sphinx, a miniature Matterhorn Mountain, faerie stones, The Lion House for Brigham Young's wives, a beer named for a Mormon serial killer Porter Rockwell, and the Holy of Holies where God comes when he wants to visit while shopping at City Creek Mall. Who could not love this place? Crossroads of the West!

 

22 April 2012 Sunday Earth Day

This guy named Steve from Manhunt contacted me early this morning and wanted to come over to play around. He wrote; “What's your schedule this morning?” I said it was pretty open and what do you have in mind?” He responded, “I like to kiss a bearded face, like to sit in the hot tub, then some oral action. Perhaps we put you on your back, put a condom on me, and we go to work if you pinch my nipples.”

            I wrote back, “Sounds doable. I just like to give head and get fucked so I definitely will let you put me in any position you want.” He then asked where I was located and I told him “off of Redwood and 1700 north in by the Rose Park golf course.”

            He then said: “Cool. I'd like to come over. I am in a relationship and its ok if I play safe but I want you to know up front as well if you have any issues I understand”.

            I replied, “I live alone… roommate left last Dec. I have no problem as long as your partner is cool. We are dudes after all.”

He wrote “I have a realtor coming over at 10. I could come before or I can see if he can come sooner, he just needs to take pics of an apartment that we are renting...” I asked where he was coming from and he said 200 North by the Capitol.

I responded, “You could come now for a quickie, and get to know each other and if you like we could do it again. Maybe sit in the hot tub sometime.”

So he came about 8:30 and we used the down stairs bedroom to play. He was about 43 years old, tall, and beautiful and a hairdresser who works in Kimball Junction but lived in the Avenues. We used the hot tub after that and visited and relaxed.

It  is a Warm day. It’s 84 in the house with all the windows and doors open. It Feels like June not April...brought to you by the Petroleum Industry proud sponsors of Global Warming.

Today is Earth Day and over the years I’ve planted 32 trees on my corner lot and now the birds and I are reaping the benefits. It's my own enchanted garden blocking out the world. There's a mockingbird now barking like a dog lol

When I first moved here, like with the pioneers, there were no trees. Mike and I put up canopies that the wind kept blowing down. I made a promise to my dogs at the time, Oscar, and Priscilla, that I would plant them a park and I did. They are long gone now but Daisy and Buddy are the beneficiaries.  The leaves in the fall are a pain but they decompose like I will someday.

For dinner I’m Eating a salad, corn on the cob, potatoes au gratin, roast beef and sipping iced tea on the veranda as a cool breeze and my 50 foot poplars shade me from the late afternoon sun. It's a zipadeedoodah day.

            Jeff Workman my old boyfriend wrote me: “Hi Ben- Thanks for looking me up! How did you find me? Sorry about the delay in response- I am rarely on Face book! Cary and I are both doing really well. I am still teaching ESL in Beaverton. I got my master’s degree a couple years after moving here. So now I am up to 2 master’s degrees. I have NO plans to get a Doctorate.

I have actually been teaching at the same school for 11 years now. It is amazing how time flies!

Socially, Oregon is a perfect match for us. I was part of the Portland Softball league for a about 8 years but due to some minor back problems had to give it up. I am now part of the bowling league. And of course, I am part of the leather-bear scene here.

 We are still in the same house we bought in 2001, swearing it was going to be our 3 year fix up project. It looks like we will be here for another 11 years.

I just read your posts about yard work. It never ends, does it? Where are you living? Are you still teaching? How is the LBGT community in Salt Lake faring these days?

I wrote back: “I am really happy for you Jeff.  I am still teaching nearly 24 years still in Davis School District although I transferred to a title 1 school about 6 years ago. I taught at Orchard for nearly 16 years. Glad you found a niche in Oregon. I will die in Salt Lake City. It’s still home to me.

I was in a relationship with Michael Romero for 16 years but broke up about 2 years ago. Still friends and I baby sit his dog with mine. We bought a house out near the northern edge of SLC west of Rose Park.  It was brand new but we had to do all the landscaping and such. Last year I rebuilt my deck and put in a hot tub for my old age and to get people to come visit me.

SLC Gay community has bloomed but still very much a kind of the boy next door missionary wannabees community.  Not too much call for an old mama bear like myself.

  Bobbie Smith lives in Minnesota and is big into the leather community. He even has a son.

 I write a history column for Michael Aaron’s Gay paper the Q twice a month and have since 2004.

Life is good. I am 61 now, a lot more grey, a lot less hair, and a lot more belly LOL. I have diabetes which is about the only thing wrong with me.  Just wanted to make contact with you and let you know you will always be special to me. I am glad you are having a great life!  Love Ben.”    

 

23 April 2012  Monday

It was in the high 80’s again. It’s More like June then April but nice. Ugh my external hard drive over heated and I can't pull anything off of it. Spent most of the evening trying to figure out what is going on and trying to recover data. Fortunately I burned to a disk in February but anything I've been working on since then I fear is toast including my Journal from Feb 22 forward. Ugh! I need to put all this in cyberspace where if my computer crashes I haven't lost 25 years of history.

I let it cool off and managed to transfer all my data to my computer. I have another external as a backup so I will transfer all on to it and then go get a really good flash drive. Technology is changing to fast my externals are at least 10 years old!

 Anyway it was a stressful day but I managed to burn everything to CD.

I was thinking a lot about Kyle Foote today.  I still love this boy for some reason although I truly know he will never know what love is until his heart melts.

 

24 April 2012 Tuesday

It was another beautiful warm day but last night my house still seemed warm, 84 degrees even though I turned up the air conditioner so I checked the filter and it was filthy.  I bought 3 new filters today after school got out. I hope that helps.

Anyway at school my principal Liz Beck and I had a good talk about being liberals in a conservative district. She even told me she use to call Wayne Stanger, an old principal of mine, “Stinky Stanger”. LOL He was a prick.

Anyway she just wanted to sign off my yearly evaluation. She is so good to me. She filled it all out without me having to bring in proof of evidence.  So that’s done for another year. It gets harder and harder to stay busy as the year is winding done.

For dinner, I fixed a hamburger, fries, and corn on the cob and watched the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Kyle Foote got me hooked on them.

Then I wrote back to this woman who is Gordon Steele sister.  She is not the woman who passed herself off to me as Gordon’s sister back in 1986. It was the weirdest thing that happened this week.

Michael Aaron received an email from this woman named Candy Steele who was asking him if he knew anyone who had known her brother Gordon. Michael forwarded the email to me and I corresponded back to her, that coincidentally I had just written an article that mentioned Gordon.

All this time I thought this woman was the same woman who I met in 1986 and whom everyone had told me was Gordon's sister and had tried to pass herself off as an Empress of the Imperial Court!  Come to find out that woman I met was a fraud and an impostor! This woman who I was now corresponding with, lives in Washington said she left Idaho to move to Alaska where she married and later moved to Washington.  She said she NEVER was a lesbian or lived in Salt Lake City during this period of the Gordon controversy! She said that Gordon had used stolen identifications and moved to Chicago where he prostituted himself before dying of syphilis and AIDS in Tampa Florida. 

SO! Who was this Candi Steele that Gordon passed off as his sister?  She was using this ID, I know, through the 1980's and she worked at the State Prison. Wouldn't they do background checks unless she legally changed her name?  I taught with a woman named Susan Emerson McCoy in 1988 who was this Candi Steele's sister in law!  WOW WOW WOW. 

This real sister asked me “Can you tell me anything you remember about this woman?” I responded: “I remember her as a large mannish woman very dykey, husky even. She had a petite lover at the time I knew her and my ex-wife had an affair with them during her Lesbian period when we were breaking.”

His sister said that “Gordon claimed to have married in the MCC church a guy named Curtis who was the son of a Utah Governor and also had an affair with a Utah State Senator?  Does any of this ring a bell?”

 I am getting a picture of a real sociopath.  I could turn that article I wrote into 2000 words easily now instead of 1300  which makes Michael Aaron pull his hair as it is LOL.

Candy Griffin wrote: Hi Ben, It must be some sort of kismet that I wrote to the Q magazine when I did.  There must be another Candi Steele, because the one that you met was not me.  She may have been living under an assumed name or something...  Gordon lived under an assumed name for the final year or so that he was in SLC.  He actually stole our brother’s name and SSN and got our brother into huge legal trouble before the Feds and IRS nailed Gordy.

I moved to Alaska in early 1981 and lived in Juneau where I worked for the Governor of Alaska.  I saw Gordon shortly before I moved there.  And this was not too long before Gordon moved to the Chicago area.

He moved there with our sister Holly Steele.  She still lives in that area.  I did not see Gordon again until he was terminally ill. 

That Candy Steele that Gordon claimed was his sister is a blatant fabrication.  I was married and moving to Alaska at the time this occurred.  This person who impersonated me?? Must have had a name change in order to pass herself as Gordon's sister.  He also falsely claimed that my sister's son Danny was his son.  Not true and in fact Danny lived in Ogden with his own father and sometimes in Chicago with his own mother.

Gordon was certainly not beyond  stretching the truth when it suited him to do so.  He even had our brother beat up when (J) discovered his identity had been stolen and he was filing charges against Gordon.

Good Lord, it pains me to think Gordon was capable of such fabrications and lies.  When he did not get his way, he would pay big males to take his "enemies" back into a dark alley and beat the crap out of them...  I am now wondering if some of these big males went beyond merely beating these guys half to death.  This thought really frightens me.  He continued this pattern of controlling events after he moved to Chicago as well. 

When I was caring for Gordon at the end of his life - he would sometimes fly into horrible rages for no seeming reason. Often times the hospital in Tampa had to call me in the middle of the night to come and try to get control of Gordon.  They would have to truss him up in a strait jacket to keep him from harming both himself and others. 

In the late 80's I left Alaska and moved to Seattle to attend grad school at UW.  Then I returned to Alaska, a very depressed area at that time.  I got a call from Gordon and he asked me to come to Florida and help him.

A friend of his had stolen thousands of dollars from him, which I was able to get back - and he weighed about 85 pounds.  I about died when I saw the condition he was in.  No one should have to die from such a devastating illness. So I ended up staying for several months.

Learned more than I ever wanted to know about the ravaging effects of the disease.  He not only had AIDS but also very advanced syph.  Both diseases cause dementia and he got to be very far mentally gone due to this. 

Gordon had changed drastically from the way he had been as a younger man.  Yes, I suppose he was arrogant, but I saw him as more cocky than anything.  He loved the attention he got and I think he played it very hard.

Whatever was left of Gordon's sweetness was destroyed by the lifestyle he chose to live in Chicago.  Incredibly self-destructive.  He evolved into what I would term as a sick trick.   Hard core stuff.  I found boxes of photos and I destroyed them so that other members of our family would not find them.  Gordon wanted the reality of what he had changed into hidden from the rest of the family.  And I honored his wishes.

To tell you the truth I do not know a whole lot about Gordon and his ethical/political activities.  I lived in Boise then and only saw Gordon 3-4 times a year.  My kids adored him, he always bought them gigantic milkshakes.

Our dad was dying and Gordon financially helped my dad and his wife a lot. I wonder where he got the money for such an expensive campaign????   I was told by him that he was the Emperor and was told this for several years.  He was seemingly very proud of this.  I never had any indication that he had manipulated his way in.

I could be charitable and say that maybe he was trying to be "inclusive" in campaigning with "outside" funds.  That does not seem to be correct.  He stated that he went all over the West Coast attending Court functions all over.  

Inflexible???  Total control freak was more like it.  When in his early 20's Gordon "found" himself and went from the puny bullied little kid into someone who felt desired and powerful, it turned him into an entirely different personality.

I think I will close for now and write to someone else who knew more about Gordon during this time period than I do.  I will forward the response to you if there is anything usable. At least now I know why I could not find any reference to the court on the net except the IV year... Thank you again for responding.  If you have any specific questions please do not hesitate to write....  Candy L Steele Griffin”

I wrote Candy Griffin back: “Wow! I am sorry for what you and your family had to go through.  Do you think your brother may have been sociopathic? I only asked because I just went through an ordeal similar with a young man who lived with me and who I thought was one way when he actually was a very skilled manipulator.  I found out later he lied about everything even trivial things to make him appear important and so charming that he could convince people to invest 100s of thousands of dollars in phony schemes. He was a sexual predator too and is now in prison.

Anyway I am simply blown away that you are not the Candi Steele I knew back in the 1980's!  She was a very large, tall formidable looking lesbian who worked out at the women's prison in Draper.  She was in her 40's or older when I knew her.  I met her several times and even been in her apartment in SLC.  When I first taught school in 1988 I worked with a woman named Susan McKoy who was married to a black man named Floyd McKoy who I understood was Candi's half Brother. He worked at Hill Air Force Base but they owned a house in the Marmalade District by the State Capital.

I came out to Susan that I was Gay and she then told me her sister-in-law was active in the community and we were both surprised that I knew her.

Candi was not well received by anyone I knew especially by people who had been in the Royal Court. She passed herself off as Gordon's sister!  I had no reason to not believe her. Why would people lie? But after my experience with my sociopath some people just lie.   I have no idea what became of this woman.

When you first contacted Michael Aaron I thought you were she... Do you think Gordon's story about an affair with a state senator was a fabrication? and that he married the son of a Governor? to make him appear important?  There doesn't appear to have been any Gov off Utah that had children born in the late 40's or early 50's to have been of the same age as Gordon.  Maybe a grandson possibly?

I understand why all his erotic pictures were destroyed but did he keep any diaries or papers that could be donated to the Utah Stonewall Historical Society? I must admit your story of Gordon's life sure made me doubt what I knew LOL.

Thank you again for taking the time to write me about your brother. He is one of the many colorful threads that made up our collective history and if what you say if right about your brother's personality I am sure he would be happy to know that he's not forgotten.

 

25 April 2012 Wednesday

My Lambda Lore article came out in the Q’s Fabbys Issue. I wrote on Herman Melville and the homoerotic passages in Moby Dick.

Mitt Romney is just a shill for Corporations...He's never labored in his life but has made a fortune buying and selling other people's labor. He's NO patriot hoarding his money overseas, destroying families' livelihoods, just to get even more richer. He only creates jobs for Wall Street and has never produced a single thing you could hold in your hand or a service that betters the working Americans.

Why do Utah Mormons love him so much and yet hate Sen. Harry Reed so much? They are both Mormons but which one is fighting for you? Which one knows what it means to be poor and work for everything you have? What is wrong with Utah Mormons that 98 per cent are for Mitt? It’s so very odd to me. Do they want a Mormon President at any cost?

I wrote Candy Griffin about her brother Gordon Steele. I said “Thank you for a more well-rounded picture of Gordon... the 1970's was a tough time to be out as a Gay man. Everyone carried baggage of some sort or another especially if raised Gay. Gordon sounded like he liked to make people think he was important by the men he said he associated with... His affairs with Curtis, the supposed son of a Governor, an affair with a Senator, and now an affair with an LDS Apostle?  I heard rumor of the same about Gordon B Hinckley from Charles Van Dam who died of AIDS in 1988.

My article for the Salt Lake Q is simple a bi-monthly column called Lambda Lore which is only supposed to run 800 words but I know the owner really well and he lets me get by with 1200-1300 words.  I am already at the rate but I want to tweak it some with this new info especially about Candi Steele the imposter.

However I do keep an extensive file in which I will keep this info about Gordon. Whether people liked him or not he was the last Emperor of the Imperial court and that is history. BTW the University of Utah's Marriott Library has a whole archives that I created as Librarian and  archivist for the Utah Stonewall Center Sincerely Ben.”

I then wrote Seth Bracken the Q’s editor: Wednesday regarding my column “Court in Crisis”. I said: “Seth hold off on the column Court in Crisis. I have been corresponding with Gordon Steele's real sister who has given me a clearer picture of Gordon but most shocking of all is that the person Gordon was passing off as his sister and who I knew as his sister WAS NOT his sister at all but an imposter! So I have to tweak the article with more intrigue.  I will try and have all the revisions down by this weekend but I said I'd send the column to his sister first who lives in Washington.... really, really strange. Michael can tell you all about it.”

 

26 April 2012 Thursday

We had our Butterfly and Mosquito lessons at school today. Another sign that the year  is winding down.

It’s a rainy night in Salt Lake City but the air smells good.

Republicans objected to a number of measures of the Violence Against Women Act passed by the Senate including language barring discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity in programs funded through the measure. Log Cabin Republicans nice job. Thirty-one Republican Congressmen voted against the Violence Against Women Act! If I was a woman I'd spit in their faces. I just can't stand Republicans and being a Republican woman is as insane as being a Republican Gay person.

I discovered that Kyle Foote had another yahoo email account under the name “Ryan Jacobs” who has a whole back story that Kyle created for him. Kyle had a picture he called Ryan and said he lived in WVC but that was when he was trying to do group sex otherwise he used his real picture and my address.

In one of ‘Ryan Jacob’s emails with a trick he mention the sex act of Blumpkin, which I had never heard of. So I wrote Charles Frost asking what the hell was “Blumpkin” that Kyle Foote was mentioning in his emails. He did not know either so I looked it up on the internet. I looked it up in the Urban dictionary and Blumpkin evidently is the act of receiving a blow job while taking a dump on the toilet at the same time. Ben.

I wrote: “Okay this is totally disgusting (well to me at least). I am so naive and never heard of the shit (literally) This is what Kyle was up to last June while dating a nice kid named Aaron Wood.  Ryan Jacobs is an alter ego for Kyle. I wonder if he didn't have a split personality.  Tell me to stop sending this crap if it’s too disgusting... As Ryan Jacobs, Kyle wrote last June-‘Hey man, sounds Hella interesting to me! I'm an adventurous guy and down for about anything at least once. I'm 27, 5'11 weight 155#, with a toned build and a 7.5 inch cock. Let me know if you are still looking’.

 

This guy named Jeffrey Myers wrote back regarding ‘Blumpkin’: Hey bud, cool, I'd definitely be interested then. You ever done anything like this before?’ and  ‘Ryan Jacob’ wrote ‘I've never done anything like this before, but I’m totally down. Got pics for trade? When/where you Wanna do this?’

The response back was, Yeah I do. I'm driving home right now so I'll have to send them when I get there. You'd have to host or meet at a rest stop or something. I'm down when ever, if there a certain time of day you usually have to go through?’ 

Ryan wrote: Ok, well hit me up when you get home. I could drop one tonight sometime if you want. I don't know if I could host for this until later, but I'm totally down with a rest stop or gas station or something since that could be fun in and of itself. Shoot me some pics of yourself when you get home and I'll respond with mine.’

After sending this exchange off to Charles he wrote: “WE are both learning!! Lord! Kyle was a sex addicted, little hunting pervert. Ryan Jacobs could also be in our AMC story!!’

I responded “Yes he certainly was a sex addict... I will send you the dialog he had with a cross dressing daddy daughter. That was really bizarre lol. Have a wonderful day!”

Charles ended the conversation writing “ How about "Blumpkin and other Bizarre Stories, The personal diary of Ryan Jacobs A series of sleazy short stories" as a title?” I responded, “I could definitely see me doing this ( not  Blumpkin but writing lol)

 

27 April 2012 Friday

Some Kids at school are sick and now my tummy is going south...on Tuesday it was nearly 90 degrees and now it's 45 crazy weather. Oh well I've got two schnauzers to keep me warm and cozy.

 One of the reasons I am a liberal Democrat is because NO ONE IS A SELF MADE MILLIONAIRE...we all contribute to the success of everyone especially through taxes we pay to support public schools and universities, transportation, and government regulations –

 "The implication is clear: if we can interrupt American's long love affair with the self-made myth, we will effectively pull the center tent pole out from under the selfish assumptions that shelter most of the excesses of corporate behavior that characterize our age"

 

I sent Charles Frost the exchange between Kyle Foote’s alter personality Ryan Jacobs and the Cross Dressing Panty Boy.

“June 24, 2011 Subject: Dominant for CD/Pantyboy. Ryan wrote:  Hey man, love the ad. I'm just under 35 and 5'11, 155#, toned build and VERY DOMINANT and into role play. I would love to do Daddy Daughter role play with you. Let me know if you're interested and still looking.” His response from a guy named John Jefferson aka DC/Pantyboy was “spanking experience? location?”

Ryan wrote back:  “I'm in Rose Park and I have a lot of spanking experience, love to leave welts and/or bruises.” Jefferson asked, “Where is rose park?” and Ryan answered: “Near down town salt lake. Where are you?” Pantyboy replied, “draper.”

Ryan said:  “ok, I can host or travel or whatever works for you.”

Panty boy asked, “what’s your addy, I will mapqwest it and see if I can go that far, also how much spanking experience do you have? What do you have to do it with? Also I am mostly a masculine guy that wears the clothing is that cool? You cool with discipline style spanking? Meaning however much I cry and beg you to stop, you hold me down and spank?”

Ryan answered “1700 North Redwood Road is my addy and I'm very experienced with spanking. I will make sure you cry!”

Pantyboy wrote “mostly with role playing, I like to come into your place dressed in regular clothing, I will come in, take off my regular clothing, have cheerleading uniform on underneath, or I can wear a t shirt, cotton panties, and a daisy duke style shorts. I come in get into the proper attire, then you tell me to come over and stand next to you, so I am ready to be put over your lap, you have to be in a legit chair so I am bent across your lap, then you tell me I have not been a good daddy's girl, and am going to get spanked for it, then you tell me to get over your lap, lift the skirt, spank HARD over panties with your hand for 20 minutes, then pull down panties, do it again but harder, then when that’s done you make me bend over something and spank VERY hard with a belt, and hold me down in the small of my back while you do it, should spank at a very constant rate no super-fast whipping shit, just HARD and steady pace.  If I am wearing the daisy dukes, then once you tell me I am going to get spanked, tell me to pull my shorts down to my ankles, and then tell me to get over your lap, while you’re spanking, you should be talking to me telling me why I’m getting spanked etc., if I smart off or tell you to stop or get bossy, then spank harder etc. etc. with the belt it should be no mercy.”

Ryan replied: I'm Hella hard just thinking about it!”

Pantyboy  then asked: “what do you usually spank with? I like to be forced to submit, very hard spanking no pussy shit, when I am over your lap I should have an arm pinned behind my back, very hard and you can use your hand fast if you want to. I should be bucking and close to tears or at least fighting by the time the panties come down. Also what color panties do you prefer? I wear cotton bikini type. I also don't mind getting out of the car already dressed in uniform, just depends on how lit up your street is, and it is mandatory that the door is cracked open, I usually call when I am almost there that way you can prop it open, I also like it to be dark, like just a TV on so its discreet know what I mean? Do you have a belt to spank with? If so describe it”

Ryan responded: ‘My hand or my belt usually. I like white or pink panties.”

 

Then Pantyboy wrote: “I will wear a sort of flower print white panties, I like implements really, like I said 20 minutes over panties VERY hard with hand then  20 minutes bare EVEN harder with hand, then 20 minutes with the belt bear with me bent over something and you holding me still VERY hard, sort of a normal pace, like swat, pause for a split second, swat, pause for a second you know? you can do it fast if you want but you have to be able to hold me still.  ok so let’s do this, is your street dark? can I show up already in the uniform so I don't have to take clothing off? I have lots of white and def lots of pink panties so you just have to let me know which ones you prefer.”

Then Ryan ended the charade at 12:21 in the morning saying: “Unfortunately my roommate just got home so we can't do this now. It would be too loud for him. Let's try again another time bro!”

I said to Charles: “You know he had just finished whacking off because I was not coming home at 12:30 at night especially after working on the deck and planning the party for the next. This John Jefferson contacted him twice more but Kyle did not respond back.”

Charles wrote: Lord God Almighty. This is publishable honey. The life and times of a sociopath Gay Mormon sex addict

 

28 April 2012 Saturday

I have been listening to a YouTube video by Cosmo Jarvis called Gay Pirates. It touches me in a deep and profound way in some way.

A study of nearly 32,000 11th-grade students in Oregon found that Gay youth were more than five times as likely to have attempted suicide in the previous 12 months, as their heterosexual peers (21.5 percent vs. 4.2 percent). The study found that Gay youth living in a social environment that was more supportive of gays and lesbians were 25 percent less likely to attempt suicide than Gay youth living in environments that were less supportive. This was from sciencedaily.com dated 11 April 2011.

 

29 April 2012 Sunday

I Had a lovely Chinese dinner with Doug Lott and Charles Lynn Frost; regaling them with the “Sordid Tales Of Ryan Jacobs”, Kyle Foote’s alter ego, and having a nice long soak in the hot tub. What a beautiful evening. Hope everyone is having a nice quiet evening.

 

30 April 2012 Monday

 

May

1 May 2012 Tuesday

So begins the Merry Month of May. A year ago Kyle Foote and I were so productive planning and building my deck and installing a hot tub. I met Zach Seach for the first time then. I was blissfully unaware that Kyle was scheming to defraud me and put me in $20,000 of debt and break my heart.

I Finished my revised article for the Q last night on Gordon Steele and the Royal Court and sent it in but its waaaaay long 2,400 words...I could not shorten it and do the subject justice...

I wonder how much Troy Williams “the Gay Mayor of Salt Lake” is getting paid for his articles for the Salt Lake Magazine? LOL Curious to why they asked Troy Williams to write a history of Gay SLC and not me? I guess it’s not who you know but who you blow... did I say that with my outside voice : ) Good piece Troy... good 1st attempt. Ha!

Charles Frost wrote: “YOU could have written the shit out of this piece. He knows nothing personally, only what he's been told by others. Matt Landis? Please. Really? Okay.”

I wrote back: “Matt Landis IS a hair celebrity... and did he ever do anything after Queer Nation? Puhleezzzee.”

My Schnauzer Daisy Mae has started coming into the bathroom whenever I'm on the pot and climbs into the bath tub waiting for me to wash her butt with the shower hose! What's up with that! I think she thinks I am her personal bidet! Sheesh schnauzers!

Real equality comes with wage reform. CEO have become Princes and potentates in America. It must stop. Corporations must be reined in if we expect the American Experience not to deteriorate to an Aristocracy of Money.

Mitt Romney, the Corporate raider who has never done an honest day of sweat labor in his life, is symbolic of where this nation is headed. It used to be Church and state now its Church and Corporation dictating your lives.

I received this email from Candy Griffin: You have done an excellent job of melding new information into this narrative.  Kudos to you.  One error - you stated that I went to Florida to be with Gordon in 1994.  Actually it was in 1990 - August - he died in 1991.   I am so glad that someone is doing a history of the gay community in Utah.  It was so hidden for so long.  Those history's need to be preserved and shared.  Unlike so many revisionist histories  (i.e. like Mormonism)  I look at it like the woman's movement and civil rights in general.

Huge sweeping changes for so many people - especially in good old Mormon Utah.  Change had to come - a revolution of consciousness.  I always felt like a freak because my values were so far away from the "norm" in Utah.  Those values were instilled in us from our grandparents. Small town Utahns who were years ahead of their time in so many ways.

Thank you so much for sending me the revised copy.  People will love reading it.  And you are not afraid to show a more complete picture of someone and the complexity of their respective life. No matter what - I adored and loved my little brother.   Candy Steele Griffin”

I wrote back, “Yes I caught that one error after I sent it off and sent a memo to the editor to change it to 1991 but now I will have him change it to 1990.

People are complicated and I feel that a lot of Gordon's self-destructive behavior was a part of self-loathing that came from being raised in a homophobic society. Young people today don't have nearly the same baggage.

I ran many support groups in the 1980s dealing with people who had the same struggles of self-esteem. I always called us "the walking wounded". 

Thank you for all your help with rewriting this article. I purposely tried to keep personal family names out of it for privacy reasons but your name was essential to it.”

 

2 May 2012 Wednesday

What was I thinking tilling up 150 square feet with a hand shovel on a school night! Somebody please come give me a rub down or a kick in the ass for being so dumb. It's gonna be an Advil night tonight.

            I wrote to Charles about  the article where Troy Williams was called “The Gay Mayor of Salt Lake. I commented on a quote by Matt Landis who said: “Salt Lake changed after Queer Nation. We would never be silent again.”  I said to Charles “Oh really Matt? When were we silent before? Ever heard of Anti Violence Project, the Gay community Council, or David Sharpton?”

            Then there was this referring to Gays in Salt Lake, “Though they do not yet have the civil equality of their straight counterparts, they are rising in respect and influence. They attend dinner at the governor’s mansion, are VIP guests at the LDS Church’s Tabernacle Christmas concert, and Salt Lake City political candidates now aggressively court the gay vote.” I told Charles it was not because of Queer Nation. It was because of Gay and Lesbian Democrats, the Utah Stonewall Center, the new Pride Center which aren’t even mentioned.

            Jim Dabakis was quoted: “There was a time, not long ago, when candidates would whisper quietly, ‘I support you, but please don’t print my name anywhere in your literature,’” says openly gay Democratic State Party Chair Jim Dabakis. “Now, even conservative city candidates not only whisper support, but they also demand a good marching position in our Pride Parade.”

            No one asked me about my knowledge. In the 1980's Mayor Palmer DePaulis was meeting with Gay Youth Groups  Thomas Godfrey spoke at 1989 Pride Day.

Everything didn't begin with Queer Nation just because Troy Williams thinks his radicalism changes everything....There has been an MCC church since 1972, Gay Liberation at the U of U since 1969, the 1st openly Gay Bar The Sun in 1973, the Royal Court in 1975 Gay Student Union at the U 1976  Affirmation in 1977.... These are the true pioneers and radicals! Queer Nation was a whole other generation.

Charles wrote back “When are we going to do the history series so people won’t have to rely on Troy Williams? We need to plan and announce it. AND you need to send this and other comments to the fucking Editor of Salt Lake Magazine, let them know that Troy was a terrible choice, and knows fucking nothing about Utah Queer History. The little bitch didn't even leave Provo until 1999, was still kissing Gayle's pussy as an intern, working as a real estate appraiser, not out, single, Mormon boy living in a condo in fucking Provo. What does he know about Utah's Queer History, he has ONLY been involved in it since 2002 when he graduated from U of U and then rose to self-appointed power and prominence. I am with you bitch on this one. He needs a comeuppance.”

Then he added: “This is my take sweetie, and I know Troy pretty well. He (Troy) could get no legitimate historian to talk to his snooty, egotistical ass, so he went with his friend Matt (I am a fucking 45 year old hairdresser who wants to appear 25. Hmmmmm. just like Troy). Matt knows jack shit. Making Matt featured and prominent in the article, will create a forever and ever amen indebtedness to Troy, and Troy knows that.

It was a chronology of very little to do with all our LGBT history. It was outlined by Troy, written through Troy's personal and biased lens, and can we say--fucking BORING.

I read it all last night and I thought--Really? Who in the gay community, let alone the straight community would read this boring shit? Salt Lake Magazine needs to try a little harder to get that one read.

I don't think he got paid much, they don't pay contributing writers all that well, according to James Catano. Regulars, yes, but not contributing.

Troy's getting his EGO all polished up for Pride when he gets to prance around as Dustin Lance Black's little lackey. Lord God, help me get through Pride this year, just help me.

btw--I shared with Michael Westley (Communications Director for Pride) about Dustin Lance Black's X-Tube (fucking, bareback) video yesterday, and he knew FUCKING NOTHING about it.

I said Google that one honey and see what you find. He was flabbergasted. Between Valerie, and Troy, and Dustin Lance Black as Grand Marshal--you and I are gonna be two old bitchy queens in our outdated lawn chairs this year sweetie.

I LOVED your FB post. Get prepared for the Troylites (his sycophants) to come after you. They always do. But you are a big girl and can handle them nicely.

Michael Aaron never showed last night at the vigil, sent a text that he'd been pulled over by UHP and was getting a ticket. David Andreason and I predicted, she never got out of the patio chair to come to the event. Too much wine, as usual. He was supposed to fucking speak, his name was on the program!! How embarrassing!!

Lord help me with this community some time. I need to come over for a soak and bitch, just the two of us, without Doug Lott, so I can confidentially vent. Thanks for being our/my dear friend. CLF (never a former a Troylite)

 

3 May 2012 Thursday

I went to Smiths after work and bought $100 worth of planter pots, calla lilies, and sunflowers, corn, squash, cucumbers, Echinacea, sweet peas, Greek basil, and Rosemary.

I then came home and worked in the garden after school. Now Mary, Mary Quite the fairy let’s see how my garden grows.

I am cleaning up the area where the fire pit is, making it look nice. I imagine I will be hanging out there a lot. The south side of the yard is for the doggies.

 

4 May 2012 Friday

Today is the 42 anniversary of the Kent State Massacre. Could it be that long ago? 42 years ago the National Guard fired on students protesting Nixon's expansion of the Viet Nam War by invading Cambodia. I was working with John Cunningham at Taco Bell when he came running in and announced they are shooting students in Ohio. I was a freshman in college.

Students demanded that the California colleges and University be shut down in protest. Ronald Reagan said he'd keep the colleges open at the point of bayonets! However he capitulated and the schools were closed!

Then the radical left screamed how dare they shut the colleges down which were the centers of organizing protest. I went over to Cal State Fullerton where the college held a Free University experience and it was a blast! I’ve Never trusted Republicans or conservatives since because they will shoot your ass.

The difference between Democrats and Republicans- Utah Democrat Governor Calvin Rampton refused to become ruffled by anti- war protesters despite the defiant rhetoric that upset some officials on campus and civic leaders downtown. When a group turned up one evening on the governor's doorstep, the students were welcomed by First Lady Lucybeth Rampton, given soft drinks, and seated for a chat with the governor while Highway Patrol officers listened nearby. After taking a few photographs for The Chronicle, the students dispersed.”

It seems like my friends have planned my weekend for me. On Saturday I am going with Brandon Burt to see the opera Mice and Men at the Capital theater and on Sunday I am going to see “In the Next Room (or the vibrator play)” courtesy of Joshua Jones and Q Salt Lake.

People call me with free tickets because I am such great company and also I am a girl that just can’t say no.

I have been spending hours posting pictures off my hard drive onto the Utah Stonewall Historical Society page so sorry if you have been bombarded and I have so much more but I feel they will be safer in cyberspace than on my computer if I croak or my computer does.

 

5 May 2012 Saturday

I mowed the front and back, did a lot of yard work, got a pot of pinto beans going, took a nap, fed the dogs, and gave them their little ride so they can bark at the neighbors- now I need to start getting ready for the Opera. It’s a Gay life.

Home from the Opera. Longtime friend Brandon Burt had to review it for the City Weekly and we had balcony tier seats overlooking the orchestra and stage. The opera based on Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men was very moving. Made me realize that my dream of owning my own home and own trees and own land had come true and how lucky am I. After the show we were lucky to also meet Walter the little dog who played a crucial part of the play.

Big, beautiful moon over the city. Been posting like crazy my photos from my Gay files to the Utah Stonewall Historical Society like mad. We have been fighting Gay teenage suicide for over 20 years in this state. When will the culture of hate against Gays in this state end? How many more Jack Reeses does it take?

 

6 May 2012 Sunday

Biscuits and gravy with Black Coffee for breakfast. You can take the boy out of the South but you have to whack him a few times to get the South out of the boy. All I need is a slice of Cantaloupe smothered with milk gravy and it’s me home with mom fixing us Sunday breakfast in Garden Grove.

Fran Pryun’s play the Next Room (or the vibrator play) was way too long and the second act went on forever...the pacing was so slow... although the acting good I thought... The story couldn't make up its mind to be a comedy or a tragedy...

Donald Stewart and his troop sat in front of us.. Josh Jones was coming off a tequila bender... I told Josh next time you have free tickets to a Fran Pryun play make sure not to invite me.

Michael Aaron's boy Giuseppe is leaving today for the summer to live in NYC...  I heard there would be no Fabby Award reception this year.

 

7 May 2012 Monday

Well the end of school is drawing near. We started the End of  Level testing today. It’s almost as nerve wrecking for me as it is for the kids.

The Ghost of Plymouth Castle was a smashing success with an exclusive four day engagement. However one student forgot a couple of lines. Oh well they are kids.

I came home and after feeding the dogs and taking Coco home, I unwound by draining the hot tub and getting it all disinfected.  All the pond scum is gone LOL and it's filling up nicely. I will turn the heater back on when I get ready for bed and it will be lovely tomorrow.

I let Brian Williams know that if he needs someone to keep his dogs for him while he relocates I said I’d take them.

It’s been a cool day and kind of breezy. I like it, with it being a tad warm in the 70’s but so far it’s been a lovely spring.

In the news Vice President Joe Biden said he thought that Gays should be allowed to marry. While Mitt Romney hobnobs with the owners of the Utah Crandall Mine 2007 disaster that killed 9 people and who was fined to the maximum of the law. You know who's interest Romney is looking out for. Corporations AREN"T PEOPLE MY FRIEND...they don't die in over worked coal mines.

 

8 May 2012 Tuesday

When I was at BYU, in the summer of 1974, the Watergate Trial was in full swing and most people were glued to television sets in the common areas of the campus.... a BYU student was involved with the mess so of course it had to be ALL about BYU.

When people on campus faculty and students began to bad mouth President Nixon, Dallin Oaks read a statement from the 1st Presidency to support President Nixon and the office of the Presidency by not speaking ill of the President. I NEVER heard them issue a statement against speaking ill of President Carter, Clinton, or Obama. Hypocrites.

 

Well North Carolina has joined the inequality states... no big surprise... however the U.S. Constitution is greater than all state constitutions! What part does North Carolina and her idiot sister states including Utah not understand about the purpose of government to "insure the blessings of liberty" and that all people are endowed with inalienable rights to pursue happiness?

First the Conservatives held back women, blacks, and Gays, then after 1865 they just held back women and Gays, then after 1920 it’s just been Gays. When will we get the blessings of equality under the law?

How about passing a constitutional amendment that in states where Gays can't marry Heterosexuals can't DIVORCE! After all it’s all about protecting marriage isn't it?

Justice does prevail...it takes time but it does prevail... It took 80 years for America to end the practice of slavery even though many believed it was ordained by God. It took another 60 years for the majority of men in America to give the right to vote to women. Gay equality is coming justice may be slow but it does come.

Today is an historic occasion in the history of America's move towards living up to its creed that ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL Don't tell me there is no difference between Democrats and Republicans. I am Very proud of President Obama today! Thank you for affirming my humanity.

I am Trimming the dead wood from my Face book Tree. There are lots of deactivated accounts... Main person I dropped was Zach Seach. Time to let that boy go.

Who remembers "GOOBER" from Andy Griffith Show. George Lindsey passed away this morning at age 83.

I sent off an email to the Pride Center regarding their lack of interest in our History. I wrote: “I am dismayed and appalled that once again the Pride Center has chosen to ignore the correct date of the founding of the Utah Stonewall Center. I have several times over the years tried to get the directors to correct the wrong date.

Now I am shocked to see that in the mass mailing of Utah Pride they are promoting a commemoration of 20 Years of Courage, Support and Celebration. How hard is it to get the correct date?

The Utah Stonewall Center DID NOT open its doors in 1992. I know. I was there. It was 1 June 1991, on 9th East  in the same building as the Utah AIDS Foundation!   Craig Miller was the Executive Director and Charlene Orchard was President of the Board and it was still a project of the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah!  None of these people are dead. They could have been contacted if the center personnel refuses to believe me.

The Old Utah Stonewall Center was unceremoniously closed in September 1997, official date 1 October 1997, and went into "Cyber Space". Jim Dabakis was instrumental in finding a new location after erroneously hearing that the Old Stonewall Center was not viable (not his fault he was given bad advice).

He contracted with Signature Books to secure the new location which opened in October 1998. I know I was there.  The former name Utah Stonewall Center was dropped on advice of Alan Ahtow because he could not appreciate a historical teaching moment for Gay people's history by having the word Stonewall in the name.

The new center did not revive the USC archives  and in all reality the new center was a new invention and not a carryover of the old USC.

I am embarrassed for the planners of the "20th Commemoration" because of their lack of diligence.  I am disgusted that people arbitrarily assign  dates to events in our history without fact finding. Once wrong dates get printed they continue to be perpetuated.

I am upset also because the Pride Center did a similar thing in 2004 claiming Pride Day in Utah was celebrating its 20th Anniversary when in fact we have been celebrating Gay Pride in Utah since 1975!  I see a pattern of disregarding historical accuracy for expediency.

It is a sad commentary when the Pride Center can't even get its own history "straight". In fact I find it insulting to all those who worked so hard to make the Utah Stonewall Center happen.

Will someone give Valarie Larabee my phone number and forward this too her.  I would have been happy to have helped the center with its facts like I have for every other organization or person who have asked;  but then you have to care about the past.

Maybe the Pride Center is too Proud.  And also my resources are free! I have NEVER taken one cent in service to the Gay community. It’s my sense of service.

I would think that if Valerie Larabee would have cared, she would have picked up the phone to call me or had someone.  I am not that reclusive.

Jim Dabakis responded to Valerie Larabee, Seth Bracken, Becky Moss, Jon Jepsen, Michael Aaron, Charles Frost, Chuck Whyte, Deb Rosenberg, Connell O'Donovan, Joe Redburn and me writing:  “I completely concur with all Ben says in Utah LGBT history.  He is the KING and only a fool would argue with his facts (plus he is SO OLD---like me--he remembers most of the history from memory). LOLOLOL. For so many years Ben has been the keeper of our community flame and without him, his archives and devotion there would be no Utah LGBT history.

Once one have seen his catalogs, files, and memorabilia, one understand the debt this community owes this meticulous historian. Others have made dumbass mistakes over the years. Some of them tragic. Invaluable documents have been lost, tremendously talented and devoted people in the community have gone unrecognized but due to Ben's work, irreplaceable personal accounts and documents have been saved.

He has been there for generations quietly documenting and preserving the times, trials, and progress of our community!

Ben, you are a treasure to our community.  Keep pushing us to do better and WRITE THAT DAMED BOOK. As far as I am concerned, the dates and time lines Ben provides are sacrosanct! They are official and they are the standard we all need to use. Hugggggs Jim.”

Becky Moss added: Jim and Ben, Thank-you very much. I saw the 20 year announcement and I was wondering if I had gone nuts.  I really need to trust my own memory!!!”

Charles Frost wrote: Thank you Jim. With both you and I harping on his ass, maybe he will finally get it written!! It would need to go down something like this:-Scene- (SFX, Doorbell, and SFX dogs and ECU of overly hyper Schnauzer dogs barking wildly and rushing around in frenzied and worrisome circles) (Close up on Jim and Charles busting through front door, rushing up front stairs, equipped with duct tape, iced tea, and sparkly items for distracting Ben)Us: Hello Uncle Ben. Put down the rake, the Crockpot, and Grindr and come over here

Ben: Hello boys, would you like some enchiladas?

 

Us: No thank you, we've already eaten, but they smell wonderful.

Ben: My, my, my--such a surprise.

Us: Follow us Ben, Here boy here. Come towards the Computer. Look we have sparklies, want some?

Ben: (dazed and somewhat befuddled, walking in his crocks and reaching out) Yeeesssss, come to me my pretties.

(Jim and Charles grab Ben by the arms, push him into the computer chair, and duct tape his feet, thighs, and waist to the chair. Chair spinning in circles during this action)

Us: Now--her you get only one sparkly. Look closely. (Jim and Charles begin to hypnotize Ben, which isn't too hard to do)

Ben: I will do whatever you say, please let me touch the shiny-shinies! Please.

Us: You can have just one. And each time you bust out a Chapter on Utah Queer History, you get another one. Isn't that going to be fun Uncle Ben?

Ben: Oh yes, yes. I will do your bidding.

Us: We have this fun little house boy that we've hired (enter Xavier) who will bring you food and water, fan you, wheel you to the bathroom from time to time, but he is ONLY here to keep you focused. Nothing else Uncle Ben--do you hear us?

Ben: (still somewhat dazed) Yes, I hear you. (Ben fully checks out Xavier, reaction from Xavier, Reaction and warning gesture from Jim and Charles to Xavier)

Us: After you finish each chapter, you get a 1 day break, another pretty and fancy sparkly-warkly, and a check for your time.

Ben: But I'll do this for free. (CU Jim and Charles shaking heads no) And all I have to do is write it all down? The entire history of LGBT AND Q Utah?

Us: Yes Bennie that is the deal. Fun huh? Is the duct tape too tight?

Ben: Noooo, I like it that way. (horrified reaction from Xavier)

Us: (looking at each other knowingly) Okay then off you go.

Camera pulls back Xavier, Jim, Charles carefully leave the room one by one, with Xavier going first, and camera Extreme CU of Ben typing the words

"QUEER UTAH"

-Everything that Anyone Should KNOW-

-Scene-

I have asked him to consider a "Series" approach. So the project isn't so daunting. Decades, or divided into whatever years/periods he feels are most logical. Ben is the institutional memory of the LGBT AND Q movement in Utah. We need to get that valuable knowledge captured and shared, so it can be an intergenerational blessing and account for all of us to know from whence we evolved. Besides it's fascinating, and with Utah becoming the front line story regarding everything Queer--who better than Ben to be the source!

So now, the big question--finding a possible grant or funding source to help pay him for his valuable knowledge, time, records, and accounting of "OUR" cherished history. Let's talk about this Jimmy.

We love you Ben. And Becky--I too began to doubt my own and very limited historical knowledge. But hell--I can count--and I knew it was much more than 20!!

 

Love to you all.

I wrote back to Charles Frost: Do I get shaved first before applying the duct tape? Charles this is funny and you really know me well.”

 

9 May 2012  Wednesday

 

10 May 2012 Thursday

I really enjoyed writing this column for the Q Salt Lake because there was so much I didn't know and assumptions that turned out to be false. This how I felt as a young Gay man at BYU most of the time, hearing how homosexuals were like an infection that needed to be cured. This is what the LDS Church kept telling we Gay kids there. They said they did it because they loved us. It didn't feel like love.

I received an email from a man named James Clark Reynolds. He wrote I have an 18 year old son who hasn't come out yet. Any advice?” I wrote back, “Just let him know you love him and you respect him and his decisions and in conversations make positive affirming statements on Gay Rights issues. This use to be called dropping hairpins to let Gay people know that you are supportive. I wouldn’t approach him. Like a butterfly he needs to come out of the cocoon on his own time table. It's very complicated. He may go through the stages of being "gay friendly" to being "bisexual" before feeling confidant in being simply gay... Best regards.”

James Clark Reynolds wrote: Thanks for the input. I will keep you posted. So far everything is pretty mellow around all this, as it tends to be for most stuff in our lives.”

Michael Aaron wrote to me and other activists  saying, “So, I am having to make several decisions about QSaltLake. I'm hoping for some sounding-board advice. Some of these decisions would need to be made this coming week. Nothing I'm about to say is a complete decision. I am heading out to the mountains in the morning to give some more thought to this. I won't be able to see any responses until Sunday night. Not that this needs to be said to the 5 of you, but all of this is confidential.

            QSaltLake and the PINQ Pages have some serious issues: We say we are printing 10,000 copies, but we can only currently afford to print 7000, and we are bringing back over 2000 of those. Not good.- Our advertisers are telling us they are not getting response to their ads- There is confusion on our names. Q Magazine. Q Pages, what the hell is PINQ?- We are not being picked up by the younger crowd.- We are bringing in only half of what our overhead is each month and I cannot do that anymore.                        My thoughts:- Go nonprofit - that decision is already made. Should happen by the end of this week- Go monthly, similar to SLUG Magazine. It gives us 80 pages to play with, cuts distribution costs in half, gives a bit more of a polished look with brighter, thicker paper, a nicer color using UV inks, stapled, perhaps able to send via mail better.

- By going monthly - we maintain a print product but move much of our efforts to online. I cannot find a way to go completely online, as advertisers don't throw as much money to it. - Also by going monthly we can offer more columns, more content. We have had to say no to a number of good columnists (and haven't offered Sister Dottie a column) because of limited space - I am considering a change of name - all products being "Gay Salt Lake" - Gay Salt Lake Magazine, Gay Salt Lake Guide (the directory), GaySaltLake.com (which we own), I think that Gay Salt Lake will be noticed more on the racks. I think people are not understanding that Q means gay. Mop some understand "PINQ" Some are turned off by Q=queer.

- I am going to have to lay people off. While Seth is doing great work, making us more professional and polished, I cannot afford him. Christian doesn't cost me all that much, but I still cannot afford another designer. It breaks my heart, but that is a simple reality. With them the numbers are just not feasible.

I'm hoping for your thoughts. Please sleep on it and get back with me. Thanks so much in advance. –Michael

            I wrote him back saying: “Support you in any decision you make. Monthly might make people look for it more but then you can't be as timely but most people probably get news from social media these days. It's a tough call. I like the name change Q is trendy but maybe not the most recognizable. I like the brand Gay Salt Lake too. Succinct. To be honest never liked the name Metro.  Q is better but to moderate and conservative demographics it's offensive to use the word queer. Not me. You could call it the Pansy Press and I wouldn't be offended. All media is struggling the Tribune laid off 9 people.”

 

11 May 2012 Friday

Today is Charles Lynn Frost’s birthday. Mitt Romney went from being a prep school privileged bully thinking he had the right to make others conform to being a Corporate Raider making millions on the misery of others. If you think he gives a rats as for working people you are dumber than a brick. Workers are just there to provide him wealth that he can stash in foreign countries. He is a bad man who thinks because he's a Mormon that he is a decent man.

 Why do people say Thank God It's Friday instead of Thank the Unions its Friday! It was the labor movement who brought you the 40 hour work week and sustainable wage for the working people.

           

12 May 2012 Saturday

I Had a very productive day in the yard even though poplar tree cotton was flying like crazy. It was like snow! Moved my swing set across the deck to the other side. Not bad for an old 61 year old guy. Baked a Carrot Cake chocked full of carrots, pineapple, raisins, coconut, and walnuts and slathered with cream cheese frosting for Charles Lynn Frost. It was his birthday yesterday and I delivered it to day. I had a nice visit with him and his hubby. Then I soaked in the hot tub, downloaded pictures on the Utah Stonewall Historical site and called it a day!

I went on Manhunt to meet someone. This guy named Jeff is supposed to come over tomorrow

 

13 May 2012 Sunday

Daisy and Buddy and I shared a breakfast of hot buttered biscuits, link sausages, hash browns, and scrambled eggs for Mother’s Day. They jumped up in bed early and gave me hugs and kisses. Looks like it’s going to be a great day.

All my mothers are gone now except for my ex's mother, Fay Romero, so I sent her flowers in Rawlins Wyoming. Happy Mother’s Day for all you mothers out there. (That includes all you Gay men who act like mothers to others).

It was a productive Mother’s Day... I planted 4 clematis plants on the lattice surrounding the hot tub, a fern by the brick patio, a potted Greek Oregano, and some Sweet Basil in herb pots. I did laundry and cooked up beef fajitas and tequila chicken for dinner next week....

My Irises are blooming but I decided they are kind of musky smelling rather than fragrant. By the way, yes, my walls are painted Butternut yellow. I like it so shut up.

 

14 May 2012 Monday

Well James Dabakis and Charles Lynn Frost, I hope you are happy! I sat down and began to write that damn book they have been wanting me to do. I spent 2 hours and I got a one page epilogue written. Ugh torture! I've committed to writing at least one hour a day on the project. Blah          

 

15 May 2012 Tuesday

The hottest day of the year so far. It was over 90 degrees! Some days it's just good to sit under a shady tree and release butterflies. That is what I did with my class today. Even the boys were gentle lifting them up with a finger before them taking flight. Days like this makes me realize why I became a teacher.

Wow I came home and found a box of Cypress Grove cheese on my doorstep- Midnight Moon aged goat cheese, Lamb Chopper sheep milk cheese, Humboldt Fog ripened goat milk cheese with ash and Chèvre fresh goat cheese! They were Sent to me from a dear friend Steve Brackenbury I haven't seen in 25 years! Back when I was a Gay activist running support groups! What a sweetheart! Yum! Thank you so much! Now I need some good wine and crusty bread.

Michael Romero also bought me a kit to fix the broken latch on the Sonoma’s third door. It was $40 but since I always pay for Coco’s groomer I don’t feel much obliged to pay him for it.

I Spent another hour and half on my book, 27 pages so far and still in the 1950's ugh.  Before going to bed, I looked at the photos on Kyle Foote’s computer of him building the deck. It was just a year ago that he and Zach Seach were setting up the posts. It was melancholic, but at least I got something out of my experience with Kyle.

 

16 May 2012 Wednesday

We are All done with the End of Level testing for the year. Now it’s a matter of keeping the kids busy without going too wild. Today was Mrs. Jasperson’s last day for the year. I am not sure whether I will have her back or not. She is a great aide.

            It was another warm day 85 degrees but not as hot as yesterday. I came home and the Poplar were still dumping cotton. So much more than I ever remember. Every day I am blowing off the deck before watering the plants. What a mess.

I had beef fajitas for dinner.

In the evening I took Chuck Whyte to Big Lots because I thought he had heavy duty shopping but actually he was just buying sugar free cookie crap so that was an hour out of my evening.

 

17 May 2012 Thursday

I have 148 pages compiled in my book and I have to quit. My Brain is fried. It's going to be at least 1000 pages. Working titles- The Fabulous Queer and Gender History of Salt Lake City or The Wild and Wicked Wasatch Front-Gays in Utah....Ugh...

Disco Diva Donna Summers died today.  I remember working a Donna Summer's concert in 1979 at the Special Events Center at the U of U. She was at the height of her fame and the place was sold out...she was pretty demanding and bitchy but when I cleaned her dressing room later found a Kotex in the garbage so that explained a lot! Lol should have saved it and but on eBay Hahahaha! RIP Disco Queen

 

18 May 2012 Friday

Today is John Reeves birthday. It was an indoor recess for much of the day so came home with a headache. After resting some I decided to pull weeds in the parking strips since the ground would be soft. So I spent much of late afternoon pulling weeds from my curbside out front. The rain today made it easy.

I saw that some spurge myrtle is back...I don't pull without gloves on and don't touch your face. The sap is caustic and will raise blisters where it comes in contact with your skin EVEN after washing your hands. It sent me to the emergency room in 2010 with blisters on my face hands and under carriage which got touch while showering. It lasted nearly a month. Pull from the roots and throw gloves away when done.

In the evening went  to the “Bearacuda” event held at the Club Jam sponsored by the Gay Hot Spot. Charles Frost sponsored me in.

It had rained much of the morning so it was a cool evening. Even a little chilly. I got there about 9 at night  and met up with Doug Lott and Charles who brought along a friend named Alexander Smith. He’s a Gay therapist who just moved to Southern California, but I didn’t know him.

We sat on the patio in the back and Charles held court with lots of young friends coming over to sit with us, like Fernando Noriega, owner of the Gay Hot Spot. David Andreassen sat with us also and he’s working for Ryan Combs congressional candidacy.

Terry McKuen came over to visit. I taught every one of his boys at Orchard who are now in their late teens or twenties. I once had a parent teachers conference with Terry when I went to a Gay party in Bountiful  years ago and saw him there. At the time he didn’t know I was Gay. I wonder if I am the only one to ever have had a conference at a Gay party. Ha!

I was wearing out by 11 as was Doug Lott so we left Charles who stayed with Alexander. I gave Doug the laminated histories that Chad Keller and I had made for Pride 2003.

 

19 May 2012 Saturday

I read where the NAACP indorsed Gay marriage. That should piss off a lot of black preachers.

I Went shopping today to get that out of the way and made pork fajitas. Cooked up some rice also. In the afternoon this kid named Jaxon messaged me on Daddy Hunt and asked if I wanted to hook up with him. I wasn’t super horny but he was so rather than waste an opportunity I agreed. He came over about 1:30 and we made out and fucked for about an hour. He was a sweet man. I didn’t do much after that but  I was surprised how much better I felt after being fucked.

I worked some more on the book organizing the files better so I can access the information better. It was a pretty day.

I  took a nap about 4 only to be woken by some loud noises. I thought old man Hall was yelling again but it was the Mexicans two doors down having a huge party with amplified music and microphone.  West Marmalade is rocking tonight!

The Mexicans two doors down are having a fiesta with the music booming into the house so sitting on the porch jiving while the Bassett hound next door sings along while the magpies have gotten their groove on! The sun is sitting and all is right with the world.

I went to bed about 10 pm but stayed up watching several episodes of the show Community. When I first watched years ago I couldn’t see what was all the hubbub but now I am addicted.

 

20 March 2012 Sunday

Robin Gibbs of the Bee Gees died. I really liked their music and of course they were instrumental in making Saturday Night Fever a pop sensation.

Amy Barry asked yesterday if she could come over and soak in the hot tub since she strained some muscles working in her yard yesterday. I said certainly so I spent much of the day mowing the lawn, and cleaning house.

I did go up to Centerville and buy some herbs from Home Depot. I bought some Rosemary, Thyme, and Lavender to add to the Greek Oregano and Sweet Basil I already have on my deck garden.

 

In my garden the squash, corn, and sunflowers have already spouted. I wasn’t so sure they were going to germinate or not.

I made some pinto beans and two batches of granola today. I will give one of them to Mike Romero.

I was just a busy little bee today repotting plants, cutting flowers for the kitchen table, mopping and vacuuming. Having people over really does make you have to straighten up the place.

Amy Barry came over about 6:30 in the evening and stayed for about two hours.  She’s the first woman I’ve ever had in the hot tub. We visited about things but NOT about Kyle Foote. In fact we only mentioned him a few times. I told her I was not going to volunteer this year at Pride Day but just help Charles Frost out at the Sage Booth.

 She is working the QSalt Lake’s beer concession. Speaking of the Q they are changing their name to Gay Salt Lake and going monthly rather than bi-monthly.  Michael Aaron said they were losing money hand over fist and even had to let go of Seth Bracken and Christian Allred. Times are changing.

Amy said that she is going to run for city council next year and that Stan Penfold will be dropping out after his term is up.

 

21 May 2012 Monday

It was the Hottest day of the year! 92 degrees. We Learned today that that the school board changed the school calendar for next year and we won’t be starting until after labor day! whoo-hoo!

 

22 May 2012 Tuesday

It’s gonna be a long day...Daisy was restless and panting all night so I got up several times finally gave her baby aspirin and at 3:30 in the morning I tried to go back to sleep but then dreamed I was taking friends to Littlefield Texas to show the sights! Ugh!

Kids were better behave today but fat chance next week with all our testing done and school almost over.

I Had a student who's going to be a senior next year drop by to say hello. We talked for a while and I asked if he remembered the Ghost of Plymouth Castle play. He said, “yeah I was going to a chick but I moved but I wanted to play that part”. I laughed.

This has been my life's motto since I first heard it in 1969. “I may not have always gotten what I wanted but I have always gotten what I needed”.

Tonight I got what I needed in spades. Karma was pounding me tonight and I am a happy boy. What a great day for fucking. It was crazy.

 

23 May 2012 Wednesday

I woke up about 3:00 this morning with a charley horse in my right thigh. Man did that hurt. I Got up and used the shower hose to spray hot water on it to try and to get it to relax and then I slept with a heating pad on it so I was really tired this morning.

It was much cooler day today. Down in the 60’s. Kids are getting really hyper for school to get out. We finished playing Diplomacy today so not sure what to do with the kids anymore.

For dinner I fixed Corn on the cob, sliced tomatoes, tater tots, and grilled steak, Italian bread with goat cheese and with a nice glass of sangria ...Dinner on the porch at Fernleaf...

 

24 May 2012 Thursday

I am just worn out and feeling over whelmed. After school I had to drive up to Syracuse to attend a meeting on teaching Summer School. I was pissed that it was so far in the north and then no one told us that it was going to be a 3 hour meeting! I left after the first hour to go home and feed the dogs!

 

25 May 2012 Friday

We had our farewell party after school for those who are leaving our faculty this year. I made a pasta salad that hardly anyone ate because there was so much food that I brought it home and gave it to Mike Romero when I delivered Coco home.

I spent the time after that cleaning the house and getting ready for Charles Frost and Brandon Burt to come over.

We went hot tubbing after a delicious Chinese dinner that Charles brought over. We had so much fun and so Gay...We Talked about Sondheim’s show tunes, and our favorite movies, and coming out and life experiences.

 I think I surprise Charles every time we visit about my past like being a Bishop Agent in a Gay Mormon Church! LOL He said we could write a Gay Big Love from it ha!

Had a really, really good time with two really smart intelligent and creative friends. And I only had two glasses of Sangria. Maybe four. I lost count.

 

26 May 2012 Saturday

Chuck Whyte wanted to come over and soak in the hot tub so I went and got him but it started lightning and thundering while old Chuck Whyte was sitting in my hot tub in the rain. Will my home owner insurance cover pulling his butt out after he gets struck by lightning?

 Anyway after I took him home Jaxon from Rose Park called me and wanted to come over and fuck. Rainy day and all. So we made out and fucked in the afternoon. I think he is wanting to get more wild then I want. I am pretty vanilla. 

Daisy was sitting in the bathtub when I got up to pee about 7pm I started laughing. She is comically so I gave her Cooter a good washing. Didn’t do much else  today.

 

27 May 2012 Sunday

A hard Rain means it’s a “brandied French Toast with bacon breakfast” kind of morning with Dark Roasted Starbucks coffee with a splash of cream. Good Morning Salt Lake City!

I finished writing this month's Lambda Lore column wahoo! I only have write once a month now! Instead of twice a month like I’ve had since 2004. I've grown old in service to my community. Where's my Victoria Cross? I need a kiss on each cheek as well!.

When I wrote that on my Face book page, friends responded: Delos Jones “Kiss, Kiss, “ David Kelly wrote “which set of cheeks? *winks*” and Joshua Jones added, “You deserve a medal of honor. Your bi-weekly articles have been some of the best bits and pieces of the paper. As I've said before; you write about history, people, and events that we wouldn't know about otherwise. It’s quite amazing the information you share every other week, or every month... now.”

My 3rd cousin John Williams from Virginia and I had a long nasty conversation in FB Messenger today.  He wrote to me “Hey sexy!” and I responded, “No you are the sexy Williams,  now I am passé' sexy ha! I am glad you went to Italy...sounds like you and your partner had a wonderful time. I had a friend who got himself an Italian husband Mattia and they were always begging me to come to Italy and stay with them but I want to stay home with my dogs and sit in my garden or on my back porch.”

John asked, “Did you see my pics of my trip to Italy? It was awesome! Can you believe there is a gay bar right next to the Coliseum? AND it sells gelato! Whenever you got time one day you should send me that documentation on the family so I can join the Sons of the American Revolution. Italy is beautiful. You should have gone.”

I replied that I saw his pictures and said “I am so happy for you! Take all the trip you can now because when you get older you won't want to because for Williamses there's no place like home.”

Then he said, “I am a home body. And a whore lol.” I responded to that saying, “You are NOT a whore.  You are a Williams.  It’s all in our southern blood. And if you are gonna carry the Williams’ name you got to act at least like a Williams and spill your seed hither and yon.”

He then asked, “I wonder if that is why I like black dick so much... Bad thing is that my mom's family, the Lopers, are even more promiscuous.”

I remarked “I imagine you like black dick to make up for the sins of our ancestors....ha! They get to dominate you now! Karma ha! However I know the fascination. This 18 year old cute black kid who likes older daddies came over a while ago and I thought no way is that going to fit inside me but I gave it the old Rebel yell and managed it. Couldn't walk for a week. but had a smile on my face.”

John exclaimed, “DAMN How old are you now?” I said, “Ancient! I turned 61 in April so I should start acting my age ha! I prefer long legged sexy southern white boys... especially the trash...ha!” John responded, “Wow, it's awesome to know when I'm 61 I can still get black dick You'd love my step-brother then lol!”

I responded “I probably would until he opened his mouth ha! And he'd like me as long as he had something to gag my liberal mouth ha! I am so surprised how many younger guys like older men...some daddy thing I guess and lots of blacks like chubby white guys so I am just what they are looking for but if it wasn't for incest you are the cutest of all.”

John Williams  wrote back: “Don't worry, I've already had sex with cousins lol first cousins so third cousins isn't that bad lol. So how did you end up In Salt Lake City? “Why do you live in Salt Lake City anyway?”

I answered: “I was raised in Southern California knew Gay Mormon kids...came to Utah to go to college. Graduated from BYU became Mormon for about 2 seconds but stayed for the love of the beautiful boys here and the mountains. The Mormon boys  are all so sexually repressed that it’s easy to get lots of sex out of them  but harder to find a relationship. I am glad you are in one, even if y’all not worried about going on to the Ark two by two. Well I know I piss you off politically and you me but I could have made you whistle Dixie for sure and give a rebel yell when ya came...”

John Williams said: “ It's ok I'm just too selfish for Liberalism. What did you mean not worried about going to the Ark two by two?”

I wrote: “In a Gay relationships you can make and define your own relationships and if “one by one” works that is fantastic but if a third person comes into the relationship that cool too and if you play outside the relationship but set boundaries so that neither is hurt you can do what you want. You really are such handsome kid and hope all your dreams come true.”

John Williams replied, “Oh, we are not in an open relationship.”

I remarked: “I was once in a relationship where I was completely monogamous because that was what he wanted. My last relationship we sometimes played together with a 3rd or sometimes separately.”

John Williams said, “We just both know that we aren't perfect. If we make mistakes we forgive each other and move on. Mistakes don't come often though.”

I replied: “That is good... as long as you are emotionally tied to each other by your hearts it doesn't matter so much where your orgasms come from. Those are forgivable because you are men after all, and sometimes a stiff dick can overrule logic ha! I am more emotionally attached to one partner usually but now that I am single I am enjoying the boys ha! But it sounds like you have a nice life, a handsome black husband, a career, and your good sexy looks.”

John Williams  answered: “Yep, pretty much everything's good except I want to go back to school I'm bored with my career.”

            I replied: You probably need something intellectually stimulating because you are so smart.”

John Williams answered: “Yep Just can't afford to change careers.”

I then said, “We Williamses like our asses stimulated, but maybe more so, our minds... So does your family know you are Gay yet? Besides me I mean ha! If so I hope all is good. If not that's okay too. But I imagine they must by now since there's no Mrs. John Williams in the picture. Probably not the best time to change jobs now anyway but be grateful you have money coming in.”

John Williams said, “Yep, everyone knows No problems with anyone really.”

I responded saying: “Wonderful! So I guess we will never get to be kissing cousins but if you ever have a layover in SLC I am by the airport or if you and hubby want to tour the west you are more than welcome to stay here. I promise not to molest you. Unless you need to have your back washed...”

John Williams said “You never know. We can plan an old fashion orgy invite everyone over.”

I replied ending our conversation: “I will be bottom, you in the middle, and hubby on top yum.”

 

28 May 2012 Monday Memorial Day

I was tired much of the morning but managed to do some laundry. I tried to get a hold of Dan Fahndrich to find out what time was his BBQ but he never contacted me back so no BBQ this day. Oh Well.

I ate the pulled pork I made by myself. I then hot tubbed some but I must have been more worn out than I thought. I Laid down at 12:30 for a nap and woke up at 4:30! I've had a low grade fever and an ache behind my weary eyes so maybe my body needed it. Now I feel so listless. Oh well...

I am grateful I live in America, grateful I live in the Rocky Mountains, grateful I live in Salt Lake City, and grateful I have a little old house on Fernleaf Street in which I can take naps.

I tried to work a little on my book but it was tiring so just watched TV. I watched on Hula The Simpson’s Lady Gaga’s episode, Glee’s graduation,  and a lot of the show Community.

I didn’t see anyone today or go anywhere although it was a pretty day although kind of cool.

 

29 May 2012 Tuesday

 

30 May 2012 Wednesday

 

31 May 2012 Thursday

I am Sicker than a dog today. Nauseous and stomach cramps but what can one do. It’s second to the last day of school.

            Chuck Whyte sent me an email he wrote to Jon Jepsen in all caps to express his frustration. He wrote: “JON I DID NOT RECEIVE MY VIP PASSES IN THE MAIL, I WAS AT THE MAIL BOXES AT MY CONDO TUESDAY,WEDNESDAY,AND TODAY ( THURSDAY) WHEN THE MAIL WAS DELIVERED, I WILL BE ARRIVING AT THE GRAND MARSHALL RECEPTION BETWEEN 6PM AND 7PM, I WILL ASK FOR YOU AT THE DOOR PLEASE VERIFY MY CORRECT ADDRESS CHUCK WHYTE 550 SOUTH 400 EAST #3106 SALT LAKE CITY,UTAH 84111 CHUCK WHYTE 1990 ( 22 YEARS AGO ) RECIPIENT OF THE DR KRISTEN RIES COMMUNITY SERVICE AWARD.”

Jon Jepsen wrote him back: Thank you for letting me know, Chuck.  Please come to the reception on Friday evening and Jen Parsons-Soran and I will get your passes to you.  Hell, I'll even buy you a drink. We sincerely appreciate your patience. Best personal regards, Jon Jepsen.

When I shared this with Charles Frost he commented: "Hell I'll even buy you a drink?" Can you buy me some respect, fair treatment, prestige, and the honor of having contributed significantly to Queer Utah my whole adult life?? Can you buy me that Jon? Such bad blood. Such a waste of time. And Jon Jepsen could have handled this by just delivering all of the Goddamned passes to people's hands/homes 3 weeks ago. I hope Chuck raises some real hell.”

 

June

1 June 2012 Friday

It was the Last Day of school for 2011-2012. I Took the kids bowling at Bountiful Bowl from 11-12 then to lunch and then cut them loose. They ran out cheering. Is there anything greater than the last day of school for a kid? It was a long journey from last August to now. So glad I had mostly sweet kids this year’.

 

My stomach was a mess so I stayed home from the Grand Marshall Reception that was tonight. I didn’t want to see Valerie Larabee gush over getting the Kristen Ries Award that she didn’t deserve. Charles Frost was going either so we both stayed home.

Jim Dabakis sent this email to Jon Jepson, Brandi Balkin, and Tiki Beard:

“Hey Jon, There are few people (maybe no one) who have spent as much time and devotion, completely volunteer, to building up our community over the last 40 years as Ben Williams. 

Generations from now, it will be Ben's work, in intricate detail, which will tell our story.  Without Ben little would be left to document our lives and our progress. His thousands of pages of journals and boxes of programs, tickets, meeting notes, magazines and defunct newspapers are the document the backbone of what has happened to LGBT people in Utah!

He can get a little crusty, especially if someone is messing with history or overlooking someone's contributions but it is impossible to find someone who has given more. But few have a bigger heart. Between HRC, Equality and Pride we ought to recognize his work--Ben is a  quiet hero. Maybe that will motivate him to get out of the hot tub, pull out those tens of thousands of documents and turn them into our history book! Thanks Jim”

I wrote Charles Frost about Jim’s post saying: “What a sweet thing. I've  never had  a champion before. This made this crusty old man cry.”

Charles responded saying, “ So true, so befitting, and on point. I need to get with Jim and see what WE can do to make this much deserved recognition fucking HAPPEN! I hope you know some of us get your contribution. Congrats on Jim saying this to you.”

 

2 June 2012 Saturday

Jon Jepson sent me this message at nearly 1 in the morning, “Hi Ben. Spoke with Chuck tonight and I hear you're still under the weather. I only got feeling better myself Friday morning. Had that not happened, the Grand Marshal program would have been in God's hands. Anyway, I was hoping to chat with you tonight.  If you're able to make it to Pride, let's sit, chat, and have a cocktail for a few minutes. I've got a few ideas I want to bounce off you (Utah Stonewall Historical stuff). Get feeling better pal. Xoxx Jon Jepsen”

            That was strange because Jon and I are definitely not pals. I didn’t see his message until getting up and I wrote him back.

 “I am so glad you recovered in time for Grand Marshal ... Feeling sweaty and nauseous does tend to put a damper on a good time. Any energy I had left yesterday was used up taking my students bowling, having a class auction, and trying to control the darlings on the last day of school.

 Came home and slept till 7 then got up and posted to Utah Stonewall Historical Society  some stuff before hitting the sack again.

I am going to try and help Charles Frost at his Sage booth. I gave him a bunch of Utah history posters to display. I don't know how long I will stay. Me and porta-potties do not get along.

I am teaching summer school this year to help retire some of Kyle's debt but I am off by noon. If we don't hook up this week end (that sounds suggestive) we can meet for coffee or lunch sometime. It's going to be a busy summer because

 

I've committed to writing Jim Dabakis’ book before I go back to school in the fall. He and Charles will hunt me down if I don't. Just saying that is my first big commitment just so you know and my time is limited. Literally. I am not getting any younger. Again thank you for all that you do. We don't thank each other nearly enough. We are one big family.

Steven Brackenbury wrote this about me to a friend: “Ben Williams is a dear old friend who has a wicked sense of humor, a thoughtful gay activist, a natural born story teller and entertainer who constantly amazes me with his historical writing ability and his keen, astute observations about human behavior. And I just recently found out that he appreciates Cypress Grove goat cheese. An honorary Humboldtian for sure.”

He also wrote this of Michael Anderson, my sister from the 80’s.

“Michael Anderson is an old friend and roommate with a wicked sense of humor, a former cast member of “Saturday’s Voyeur” with Salt Lake Acting Company. He introduced me to a much broader world in Salt Lake City, classic films, Pee Wee Herman, theater, and “Mary Jane: Before the Musical.” He currently lives in Seattle and produces with his partner, Shane (another cheese guy) these really fun and amazing video pieces called “Collide-O-Scope.” Brilliant man.”

 

3 June 2012 Sunday

Today would have been Mom’s 83rd birthday. I Paid off my Sears Credit Card today so now so the refrigerator is paid. I only have Lowes and Citibank left besides the Horizon Credit Union Visa Card. I paid $240 on the Lowes account which should make that drop to around $2,150. Citibank is about $2,600 after I made a $300 payment to them.

I sent Kyle Foote  $30 again for his Dr. Pepper up keep.

Since I wasn't up to going to Pride Day and because you can’t see much from inside a porta-potty, I just worked on my book. I was Alone all day gearing up for my first day of summer school.

 

4 June 2012 Monday

It’s the First day of Summer school. I have 12 students in my class. It was a hot day near 98 degrees. I only have to teach two subjects Math and Reading so it’s not too bad. The real challenge is engaging some students who are really too smart to be in summer school but whose parents want them to stay busy.

 

5 June 2012 Tuesday

The second day of Summer School was better the first. I am getting into a routine and knowing that I only have to teach until 11:30 and I am out for Friday really helps.

Charles Frost is really having a difficult time with Valarie Larabee, the autocratic director of the Center.  He wrote me :You are right, it has been happening I suppose since the beginning of times. Lesbians wanting power, control, egotism, and a not-so-subtle loathing for MEN, in particular gay men. I find this all so interesting. I also find that WE gay men can be our worst enemies, in cutting one another down. WHY do you suppose that is?

For me, it is because we have ALL learned to SURVIVE, and once most of us capture some element of real wisdom or authenticity--we have no place to vent the negativity or self-loathing and self-fear, and so we expel it on one another.

Broken little boys who have become men. Not all gay men mind you, but ever so many. Thanks for being you, for being truly authentic and so real. For being my friend.”

 

6 June 2012 Wednesday

It was So cold last night that both Buddy and Daisy slept on either side of me all night long so I couldn't even roll over! Weirdo weather today.  It’s 65 but last Monday it was 98 and this Friday it's gonna be 90 and on Sunday 65 again...batten down the hatches because that means strong wind storms are coming.

 Anyone else but me freaked out about the Gay Canadian Cannibal who sent body parts to elementary schools? I guess they caught him in Germany. Shades of Jeffrey Dahmer.

 

7 June 2012 Thursday

For you James Dabakis, every day for two hours I write the Book".

Greg Hardin is having a very hard time dealing with letting his furry companion, Sam, go. I sent him the May I Go Now? poem hoping it will help ease the pain-

“May I go now? Do you think the time is right? May I say goodbye to pain filled days  and endless lonely nights? I've lived my life and done my best, an example tried to be. So can I take that step beyond and set my spirit free? I didn't want to go at first, I fought with all my might. But something seems to draw me now to a warm and loving light. I want to go I really do. It's difficult to stay. But I will try as best I can to live just one more day. To give you time to care for me and share your love and fears. I know you're sad and afraid because I see your tears. I'll not be far, I promise that, and hope you'll always know that my spirit will be close to you wherever you may go. Thank you so for loving me. You know I love you too, that's why it's hard to say goodbye and end this life with you. So hold me now just one more time and let me hear you say, because you care so much for me, you'll let me go today.” - Written for a beloved pet & friend, by Susan A. Jackson"

 

8 June 2012 Friday

I had a wonderful lunch with Charles Frost at the City Creek Cheesecake Factory today. We sat outside and enjoyed the balmy weather and watched the boys go by. We did however comment that all the wait staff were dressed in white like they could dash over to the Temple on their break without having to change clothes. Just their aprons.

Because I ate way too much at lunch, at home I just nibbled on Steve Brackenbury’s goat cheese, some Italian bread, some olives and dates and a glass of sangria for supper.

When Charles Frost asked whether we were sad or bored being on FB on a Friday Night I said “we were just SOB Sisters, Sad, Old, and Bored. Any of you Gay men want to join the sisterhood?”

In the news Neo-fascism Bankers are using "Austerity" instead of tanks to dominate Europe. Wall Street Bankers will be bringing austerity to your community too if more Republican tea baggers are elected.

 

9 June 2012 Saturday

After a breakfast of hot coffee, boiled eggs with biscuits and gravy, it was off to tame the wild back yard... Greg Hardin had to put his three legged dog down today. He had him for 12 years.

At 5:30 this late afternoon, I went to the Grand America Hotel for the Human Right’s Coalition Reception and silent auction. I met up with Charles Frost otherwise it would have been boring. At HRC at the Grand America, you would think with all the money in this joint they could have better air conditioning.

I met Fred Karger who's running for president and he gave me a flag pin with the rainbow and American flags.

I had a nice evening at the Human Rights Coalition gala with Charles Frost, Doug Lott, and Michael Aaron. I sat at a table with Bob Henline but we didn't get to visit much. It was the KUER sponsored table.

I met Peter Cooke who's running for Governor and visited with Sen. Ben McAdams whose mom I used to teach with. Even saw Curtis Price from the First Baptist there.

I was interviewed for some program and I met Julian Bond. Now I am pooped.

The only presidency Romney is fit for is a Stake Presidency. Then he can fire all the people he wants from the Mormon Church. Seriously do Mormons want him, this elitist out of touch pampered ‘I don't care about the poor’ doofus, to be the face of Mormonism? It’s not helping your Public Relations, people. Better to have ran Gladys Knight and her Pips.

 

10 June 2012 Sunday

Today would have been Judy Garland’s 90th birthday. Happy 90th birthday Judy... I know you are where happy little blue birds fly over the rainbow.

It’s Time for a hot tub dip... My head hurts from composing and editing this morning...but I did make a kettle of chicken soup for me and snicker doodle cookies for the kids this morning.

I spent Six hours on the computer organizing the 1970's for my book. That is enough. Now it’s time to watch the Tonys. I only watched the Tony Awards because it seemed like everyone else was but it wasn’t very entertaining.

 

11 June 2012 Monday

After school I went to Dr. McKay, my ophthalmologist, and good news I am not going blind. The bad news is my prescription changed since December and I have to get new glasses again and my lenses are like $400. Next year he said to get ready for cataract surgery... Ugh. I better finish my book while I can still see.

I Won't be going out at night anymore because I have little night vision oh well. I can always sit in the hot tub ha!

 

12 June 2012 Tuesday

I Fried me some cod fish, which I am having with coleslaw for lunch. Now that's good eatin' It's also hot tub time! Yay!

I am not a big fan of what Israel is doing with the Palestinians but when I see how Israel treats Gays while Iran and Iraq and Saudi Arabia are hanging, beheading, and stoning to death Gays, I know whose side I am on. It’s funny that the far right religious fanatics in America are Israel's greatest supporters when their views line up more closely with Iran and Saudi Arabia.

 

13 June 2012 Wednesday

I had a nice visit with Greg Hardin while going to get a new pair of glasses. Even with great discounts it cost me $350 ouch! and I just bought a pair last December! ugh! Well I'm just grateful to be able to afford them and see again.

I am giving Greg, Kyle Foote's kindle. I won't use it and Kyle can't so Greg might well have something too for all his troubles and for all the things that he probably stole from him. LOL

Someone in the SL Tribune comments section said Utah's state license plates should read “UTAH slightly less crazy than Florida” Hahahaha

Teinamarrie Scuderi wrote a kind note about me on her Face Book page. She said, “ want to thank my friend, Ben Williams, for being an inspiration to me and encouraging me to donate my collection of Pillars, Pride Guides, RCGSE Coronation Programs, Metros, QSaltLake, HRC dinner programs, Allies Dinner program and many more items to the Marriott Library. They have used some items for a display in honor of Pride Month. Thank you!

 

14 June 2012 Thursday

Jimmy Hamamoto wrote to me and his KRCL friends “Ahoy FB Salt Lakers friends: I will be in Salt Lake from Saturday July 14th to Sunday, July 22nd. Hopefully, I will get to spend some time with a great number of you folks within this time span. I will be staying with Ben Williams during this visit.”

           

15 June 2012 Friday

 I am at Boondocks with my 5th graders and a bazillion other screaming summer school kids from Davis School District... Just kill me now. I had never been to Boondocks before and I can see how kids would love it but there’s nothing there for adults or even young adults. It was a gorgeous day for an outing and it was the first field trip of three we have to go on.

Taking Coco home this afternoon I saw that a little Magpie had fallen down to the ground and the mom and dad magpies were screaming and diving to keep the dogs and everyone away. Poor little birdie. I hear the parents mourning and squawking.

In the evening I met Greg Hardin at 7 at the 1st Baptist Church to give him Kyle Foote’s Kindle. Greg was there for Bingo but I didn’t stay for that. Greg was good to Kyle and loved him too so I think he deserved it.

 

16 June 2012 Saturday

Happy Birthday grandma- She was born a twin named “Tressie Margret McLeod born 16 June 1899 Cloud Chief, Washita County Indian Territory (Oklahoma)” along with her brother Jesse. I have way too much Williams in me but my Scot stubbornness comes from the Mcleods.

Okay need to get my butt in gear before it gets hot. I am tearing out part of my front lawn to plant food plants. It's the right thing to do instead of watering grass. I will probably plant squash then my neighbors can help themselves.

Why I think I have to have a plot of land of my own to grow things must be genetic. I only dug up 16 square feet of grass in the front yard and I am exhausted. The ground is bone dry under the 1/4 inch of moisture.

Oh well I have a covenant to grow and nurture things...people, animals, and plants while I am alive to do it on this beautiful planet. I thought we could live in a world where everyone could get along. I was so wrong.

The Magpie War of Fernleaf has broken out. Evidently they blame Daisy for the death of one of their youngsters. I know that Daisy comes from a long line of chicken killers and is guilty of killing the neighbor’s rooster last year but there's no evidence that she was complicit in the demise of the little magpie. Okay I did find some suspicious feathers in the water bowl this morning but still it’s only circumstantial.

Nevertheless the magpies have been dive bombing Daisy and Buddy so that they hide in the house. I've taken the water hose to the birds as a defensive measure but I know they are up there plotting and hatching nefarious schemes to run the Schnauzers out of the yard! I had to escort Daisy so she could go poop without being ambushed. It’s going to be a long summer. I am up against Heckle and Jeckle. What to do?

Buddy is such a sissy; he won't venture out the doggy door because they sit on the roof ready to swoop! I feel like we are in an Alfred Hitchcock Movie!

Daisy cracks me up. I went into the bathroom and she was in the tub waiting...so I gave her a bath and a butt washing... I use to have to chase her down...now she in the tub by herself patiently waiting. Or maybe she's hiding out from the magpies.

            Mitt Romney has an odd concept of morality. Gay marriage is immoral but building an elevator for your Cadillac isn't? Keep grinding the face of the poor you bastard.

 

17 June 2012 Sunday Father’s Day

Father Day hasn't any special meaning anymore to me...my dad and all my grandpa's are all gone. I just have two uncles left, so I guess happy father day to Uncle R.L. and Uncle Wallace.

I was tired from all the sex-ting last night but in the morning Tanner Trowbridge contacted me to get together. He’s this 22 year old bear cub from Bountiful who is moving to Alaska. I had been with him before and this time was just as sweet. He is a really good lover and just my type. Just old fashion love making. He came twice like before and then he had to leave to go to his folks for Father’s Day.

For Sunday dinner I fixed fried okra, summer squash, corn on the corn and a baked chicken and corn bread stuffing casserole, with a big ol’ tall glass of sweet tea! I need to find a Southerner in Utah who can appreciate good eatin'.

 Happy Daddy day to me... Does teaching over 500 elementary kids count?  I worked on the book for much of the day and Jim Dabakis called to see if I knew any Lesbian couples who could rally this Tuesday to protest the Davis County School District’s decision to ban a book about a family with two moms.  I gave him some leads and then in the evening when the weather cooled I went outside and finished pulling up the grass. Yay I got my garden plot done! Now it's planting time.

 

18 June 2012 Monday

I woke up to find a dead Magpie on my bedroom floor. Yuck. I need the United Nations  to broker a peace treaty between Daisy and the Magpies. Daisy is willing to negotiate and make concessions. She says she'll stay on the ground as long as the magpies stay in the trees.

News from the front lines...the Magpies seem to be in full retreat. No more casualties to report. We brought out a Trojan Owl as a decoy. Daisy is marching up and down the battlefield ready for combat. Buddy has claimed his status as pacifist conscientious objector.

Back to school and it was a warm one today. I Came home and took a nap before transplanting the squash and cucumber plants from the back yard to the front where they will get so much more sun.

After It cooled down in the evening, I sat on my front lawn watering my new garden. I am such a simple soul...

This guy from Ogden named Mike has been texting me and sending me sexy pictures. What’s with all the attention lately?

I Went to Smith's in Bountiful to buy a plastic owl for the yard to help with the Magpies and overhead a mom with three kids in tow say to her one 9 year old son- "Nathan quit smelling the flowers" and he then starts skipping away towards his mom. You tell me it’s not genetic. LOL He was just leaving a trail of glitter and rainbows as he skipped away smiling. Nathan go ahead "Smell the flowers!"

 

19 June 2012 Tuesday

The Magpie War is over. I hear the tweets of other birds returning. And we'll all feel Gay when Daisy comes marching home.

At school I am teaching my students to play dominoes…Hey don’t judge me its math.

At home Charles Frost called and wanted to do lunch so I met him at Asian Isle near his place. I had a great Teriyaki chicken salad. We visited about his job, about the Davis District decision to pull the book about two lesbian moms, and my sex life. After that I really didn’t do much else. Mike from Ogden sent me some more sweet nasty pics of himself with his huge erection.

It was Kind of a lazy day. It’s much cooler today; in the 60’s..

 

20 June 2012 Wednesday

Technically it’s the first day of summer but I am still in school. At Washington I taught the kids to play dominoes and Hearts in Math and Austin taught the kids how to make a square origami.

At home I just did some yard work and clean up the flower beds. I enlarged the garden on the south side of the deck by moving the castle bricks out over where grass won’t grow.

I kept Coco until almost 9 tonight since Michael Romero was at a photography class with Kimberlee Gile. I guess that will be a once a week thing. When Michael came to pick her up I gave him his AAA membership card that I buy for him each year for his birthday.

I Wrote some more history in my book in the 1950’s section.

 

This Litha Day Merry Meet All my Faerie Friends and Merry Meet Again... may the fire of the south spirits ignite your passions May you be conscious of the divine spark within as you release your magick tonight. Harm none and do as thou wilt. Magick is afoot.

 

21 June 2012 Thursday

Today is Michael Romero’s 56th birthday so he took the day off so no Coco. Well I am half way through summer school now. It hasn’t been all that bad. Taught the kids how to play dominoes, hearts, and make origami shapes.

 It’s warm so glad to get home. Can’t think of much I did today except work on organizing the 1950’s for Salt Lake’s Gay history. I discovered that Doug Wrinkler, an old roommate of Bobbie Smith, wrote a thesis for a doctorate in history on Gay life in the 1950-1970’s. He acknowledged me in the forward saying, “Ben Williams deserves appreciation for sharing several years’ research and his unstinting efforts to raise historical awareness among Utah’s GLBTQ community.”

 

22 June 2012 Friday

My poor plants are just withering under the heat and dry winds. I spent much of the day making plans for next weeks. Chris from Silver daddies wants to come over Sunday morning for mimosas and hot tubbing. Mark Swonson wants to meet me Monday for lunch, and then I am taking Greg Hardin down to get some prescription glasses and to pick mine up.

After that I said I’d take Brian Williams to some appointment he has because he can’t drive right now because of a DUI he got last March.

On Tuesday a kid from Daddy hunt named Kenny is coming over about 6 and Wednesday Delos Jones, his boyfriend David Kelly, and maybe Brian Williams are coming over to hot tub and Thursday I have a dentist appointment. On Friday Chevy is coming over to groom the dogs.

So I drained the Hot tub and cleaned it today and now I just need to get champagne and orange juice...

I’ve been working all morning on the 1950's 122 pages I have to reorganize and clarify... oy vey! such a headache I got... 1 decade almost down 4 more to go.

Only time I left the house today was to go to the state liquor store to buy some booze. I bought a bottle of tequila, a bottle of spice rum, a bottle of champagne, a bottle of zinfandel, and a cheap box of Sangria for about $50. Which do you think I popped open first!

Need to refill the hot tub and take a nap and then I am set for the weekend!

 

23 June 2012 Saturday

I lounged around a lot today not doing much. I should clean the place but it’s too hot. The Mountain is burning up between Saratoga and Eagle Mountain so they had to evacuate 9000 people. You could smell the smoke in the air.

When I realized that I am going to see Charles Frost tomorrow at the Unitarians on 1300East at the same time I had made a date with Chris,  texted him to cancel but made a new date for Thursday at 4. It’s okay because my bowels are kind of queasy anyway. Perhaps from the heat and not drinking enough liquids.

My VHS tape of Something For Everyone came today! I went over to Charles at 5:00 in the late afternoon and had a wonderful at the Art Festival just walking around and people watching. Charles bought a handmade hand bag for his daughter Rachel. As long as there was a breeze it was okay.

The Library parking was gauging; charging $15 to park which was steep since we only planned on staying an hour or so, but it was too hot to walk.

I was happy to see David Estes there and his incredible work. The one painting of him hooked up to everything in a hospital bed just moved Charles so much that he cried. After seeing all that we wanted to see we went back to Charles place and had a delicious chicken pesto salad with Doug Lott who had gotten home from a wedding he had to attend. So happy we are friends.

 

24 June 2012 Sunday

It is still very warm... This morning speaking to the Unitarians on 13th East, Charles Frost gave another stirring and insightful talk on activism saying, “stand up and show up”. I stayed throughout  his talk but then came home about 11 this morning.

I watered some this morning because everything is drying out. The sky is blue though with white summer clouds.

I really didn’t do much else anything today but watch movies on Netflix. I Watched a gay movie called “Longhorn” that had some really cute boys with full frontal nudity. That was kind of fun.  I also watched the “Dancing Boys of Afghanistan” which was disturbing about boys being sold basically into slavery to be sex object of powerful and wealthy men.

It was really too hot outside to do much else.

 

25 June 2012 Monday

It’s my sister Donna’s 63rd birthday today but she is not on Face book so never hear from her.

It was a very busy day today.  It was Hot too about 100 degrees. After work  I went down to Murray to meet Mark Swonson for lunch at the Left Fork Grill a little local place.  It was good but I don’t know if I’d go back on a regular basis.

Mark was the same old Mark but not as depressed this time although he still is only working part time and living with his brother and sister in law who after 8 months are hinting it’s time to move on. I would think.

We caught up on new mostly telling the details of my relationship with Kyle Foote. I found out from Mark Swonson that that Lesbian organization sWerve shut down last year. It was around for about 10 years or longer. Luci Malin is the one reviving OWLs I guess. Even though I don’t have much money now I went and paid for lunch because I know he has even less. It was about $26 without the tip.

We were finished by 2 so I called up Greg Hardin and asked if he was ready to head down and pick out his new glasses and for me to pick mine up. He was, so after seeing his new pup, a pretty yellow lab named Daisy, we were in our way.

I was dreading the thought that theses glasses wouldn’t be much better than the old ones but I was pleasantly surprised that my vision was corrected and I could actually see again. The frames are a bit stylish for me but I got them for $39 because they were discounted and since my prescription alone is $300 I felt like I got a good deal.

 

So then I took Greg home to Cottonwood. He is such a funny snob at times with all his eastside pretentiousness. He makes me laugh. My last  good deed for the day was going to pick up Brian Williams in Sugarhouse and take him out to an appointment for his DUI. He was picked up last St. Patrick’s Day. His fine was $1400 and he has to go to drinking school and have a breath analyzer put in his vehicle once he gets his license back. I know he’s hating life right now.

So after taking him home to where he is living with his boyfriend Chris in Glendale, I finally was home by 7pm.  I am having a hot tub get together Wednesday at 7 with Delos Jones, David Kelly, Brian Williams, Chris, and I invited Michael Aaron because he is friends with all those guys and it’s his birthday.

Later in the evening, chatting with Charles Frost who I am now calling Chaz as a nickname, I also invited him and Douglas Lott to come hot tub.

I guess Valarie Larabee offered Chaz a considerable increase to stay at the Center so even though it drives him crazy at times he does set his own hours and is close to home for him.

It was just a year ago that Kyle threw his Hot Tub BBQ party with his friend Christine Johnson and that he got so angry with me and now he’s in prison. Time changes everything. It heals all wounds and wounds all heels.

Well so much for a busy day.

 

26 June 2012 Tuesday

It’s Not as hot as yesterday but still plenty warm. I Came home and made a carrot cake for Michael Aaron’s birthday tomorrow and then just really cleaned house. There are Lots of pee spots in the front room. I Got on my hands and needs and scrubbed and polished. I was supposed to have a trick come over tonight but he never did which was just as well for me because I wanted to clean.

I went to vote at 7:30 this evening but when I got there I was informed that there weren’t any Democratic Primaries in my district. LOL

 

27 June 2012 Wednesday

An impromptu hot tub get together, turned into a very nice birthday celebration for Michael Aaron with some pretty great guys. It was Kind of my first summer party. I heard Lots of funny stories with Charles Frost and Michael Aaron around.

I had Brian Williams and his lover Chris over as well as Delos Jones and David Kelly. I asked if anyone knew the connection between Puss-N-Boots and President Clinton? Hahahaha. And I told them about connection of being sent to prison for perjury. Michael Aaron said that had to go into the book.

Damn that Michael Aaron for keeping me up so late just because it's his birthday! Lol I hope he had a nice one because I enjoyed sharing it with him... Hot tubbing... Wine... Nice summer evening... Carrot cake... Good conversation and company... Now Morpheus come sleep with this old man.. Night John Boy

Oh Mary! It takes a faerie to make something Pretty! A fun way to Celebrate the Stonewall Rebellion.

 

28 June 2012 Thursday

One of my summer school students was hit by a car while crossing the crosswalk in Bountiful by someone texting on the phone. He will be okay no broken bones or internal injuries... please people just stop it or pull over... really can anything be that important to injure someone? Should be automatic jail time for texting if you hit someone.

My mom made a little ceramic bull that had flowers around his neck that she called Ferdinand. I wonder if my sweet mom knew that she had a Ferdinand in me. She must have because she loved this old Walt Disney cartoon...Ferdinand the Bull  Walt Disney's obvious tribute to boys who would rather smell flowers...it’s still makes me tear up at the end thinking of the all the little boys who just wanted to smell the flowers. ‘

In Our Mothers' House,'  a book about a Lesbian Family that is being restricted by Davis School District, is being defended by the American Civil Liberties Union. They said that Davis School District's poor decision was simply to cave in to radical parents.

 Don Grady, “Robbie” of My 3 Sons died at the age of 68. Did anyone besides me have a teenage crush on him?

             

29 June 2012 Friday

Ugh field trip day to Pioneer Village... I hope I can contain my snarkiness and not keep asking where is the sister wives compound? Pray for me.

So we went on our second field trip today to This is the Place park. Everything at pioneer village is uphill and in the heat...only 5 of my kids showed up for it...

I was so proud of myself. The only snarky comment I made was at the Cedar City Tithing building which is the craft station. There is an oaken door on the second floor just above the main entrance that isn't connected to a porch or stairs and is about 13 feet above the ground. I asked if that the door they send you out if you don't pay a full tithe?

Yay! Utah got a waiver from Obama that we no longer have to follow the unrealistic dictates of Bush's No Child Left Behind... and are no longer under the tyranny of Yearly Annual Progress.

Title One schools like mine were under even more restrictive guidelines and my school is the only Title 1 school in the district to always make Yearly Annual Progress...now perhaps we can start teaching the whole child again instead of just prepping them to pass Math, Language Arts, and Science tests.

 

30 June 2012 Saturday

Well it’s off to Sutherland's to buy sprinkler heads...It’s not that hard to do but invariably you get the wrong size or something doesn't work and you have to keep going back...ugh I am just not butch enough for this.... I just want pretty flowers. I bought stuff for the sprinklers but that will have to wait. All my plants in the flower pots are wilted. I feel the same

What my dad would have gotten done in an hour changing out 3 sprinkler heads has taken me two days, a face full of water, mud splattered all over and I only got one done! Daisy is laughing at me but Buddy is encouraging and gives me kisses.

I swear the only thing I ever got from my dad was a Y chromosome. I wish some butch genes could of came along with my penis.

I am hot and bored so I made up pimento cheese spread for sandwiches and baking some rum bread pudding to eat later when it cools off...

No one showed up for my Movie Night party. I really didn’t expect them too since Brandon Burt doesn’t drive and Delos Jones was just over here last Wednesday. It was just as well because I went out in the evening to work on the sprinkler system.

I guess it's too hot for anyone to venture out and visit me so I guess I will have to eat my bread pudding and rum sauce all by myself... Poor me. I think it needs some vanilla ice cream on it as well... That will cheer me up.