Spring 2nd Quarter Journal 2014 April-June

 

APRIL

1 April 2014 Tuesday

Last day of Spring Break and it down poured today a half an inch or more. Ross Poore, Bill’s brother, wanted to take me to lunch so after dropping some shirts off at the dry cleaner we met at China Star in Bountiful. It’s a good place better than all the others I have been eating at lately.

 

Anyway Ross threw out an idea of collaborating on a book about murders of Gay people in Utah and he also talked a lot about Bill’s relationship with the Poore family. Sibling rivalry… [lots of laughter]

 

I was going to go to the gym afterwards but the heavens opened and it was down pouring so just went home after getting my diabetes pills. Then about 4:00 Jake Roche came over with a moving van to move in. He has a shit load of stuff for sure but I guess we will find a place for it all.

 

I wrote Kyle a letter today about some genealogy on his grandmother.  Well its April. Yay!

 

Dear Kyle,  So glad I went Saturday to see you because Sunday it rained and snowed and was a stormy day. And it looks like it’s going to be the same today this first day of April.

 

 I worked out in the yard yesterday because of the break in the weather but I over did and now my back is really sore…Oh the joys of growing old. Well that is a luxury many of my friends never had nor did your parents so each day is a gift to do some good in this world even if it’s just taking care of three Schnauzers.

 

I talked to Michael Aaron about the Q. He said the last two issues were returned. Maybe with your change of location they didn’t bother to forward them. I will have them sent just to your PO Box and Inmate number and see if that will make a difference.

 

About noon this afternoon it just poured rain. I bet we got at least an inch of rain. Well we need it. I have been doing some research on your Grandma Turner.  She sure didn’t live a typical Mormon housewife life did she?

 

2 April 2014 Wednesday

Back to work this morning. Slept pretty well. But still not excited about it. It was a cool day today but no rain. I went to Carl Jr for lunch for a Charbroiled Cod fish sandwich. It cost nearly $5 and the bun was hard and the sandwich tasteless. Oh well I guess I won’t do that again.

 

Jake didn’t spend the night here although all his things are here. I thought he was going to bring even more but he texted me and said that he wasn’t bringing his mattress to store.

 

I was supposed to have gone to Charles Frost Art Access last night but I forgot clean about it and also I was way too tired. But I suppose I better get my butt in gear and start writing something. I also thought Jake was coming back over but he didn’t.

 

Lots of crap piling up at school. I have to get grades out by Friday and then on the 10th is the Starbase Graduation.

 

I have to take the 11th off for a doctor’s appointment. Then there’s the Opera coming up, the dance on the 23rd of this months, an Imax movie in May and finally graduation on the last day…It will flee by fast.

 

The Supreme Court is bound and determined to hand this country over to the Oligarchs saying there can’t be a limit on how much millionaires can donate to candidates. Welcome to the buying of America.

 

I received this letter from Kyle Foote: Dear Ben, Happy Birthday! I’ll be sending out your present this Sunday but I doubt you’ll get it until the week after your birthday. Sorry I couldn’t get it out soon enough to arrive before your birthday.

 

It was so good to see you this past weekend. Two hours has never seemed so short! I’m glad the weather cooperated for your visit since the rest of this week the weather has been bad- we even got some April snow. It was  probably the last snow of the season though, which bodes well for your future visits if not for the snow shed.

 

Thank you for ordering those four magazines for me. I’ll let you know as soon as they start arriving. I’m especially looking forward to This Old House as I watch that show religiously.  I didn’t get either of your letters until Tuesday after your visit. That is why I didn’t ask you about your new tenant. I’m anxious to hear how that is going?

 

Does he have his own vehicle? The only downside to your house is really its lack of public transportation. Otherwise it really is an ideal location. Hopefully he turns out to be a good renter and you can improve your finances in advance of your retirement.

 

 I laughed when I read that you thought LMT meant tranny but with the alphabet soup being what it is you can never be sure anymore. I’ll send a detailed drawing (for Doug Lott) of how I planned to build the roof above the hot tub. I think you are smart to get something more permanent in place. Hopefully with Doug’s leadership and you and Charles Frost as assistants you can get something done. I’ll send a design just to give Doug some ideas.

 

I don’t think I finished my story about the VA telling me that I had to repay the nearly $2000 they had over paid me. I wrote them and told them about my situation and they waved all but $100 of it, which I paid off. So now I don’t owe them anything and I still have the rest of my benefit to use moving forward. That’s why I said to mail me any bills or such as you get of mine since I’m in a good position to negotiate them.

 

Well I’ll close this letter here.  Know that I can’t tell you how reassuring it is to have your presence, love and support in my life. I never really knew what true friendship, unconditional, and infinite, until I met you. Thank you for that. Love Kyle

 

3 April 2014 Thursday

I had a very hard time getting up this morning as I was in a heavy sleep dreaming about putting on a play with Charles Frost, but off to work I went. Charles must have been on my mind because he called me before I went to bed and said that Mark Lawrence told him at Michael Aaron’s Journalism award that Fran Pruyn and he were the Kristen Ries Recipients this year and the plaintiffs for Gay Marriage will be the grand Marshals.

 

Fran really isn’t in the same league as Mark but oh well. Still l no sign of Jake Roche. Oh well again.

 

After school I went to Planet Fitness and walked a mile and a half to get some exercise under my belt.

 

4 April 2014 Friday

Well the bad feelings I had about Jake Roche were real. I should really listen to my instincts. Having not hear from him since he moved his stuff over last Tuesday I got to worrying if he would flake off and not pay me his rent which he said he would pay in cash last Tuesday.

 

So this morning I sent him a text message reminding him that rent will be considered late after the 5th. Well he called me back all irate and said Not to be rude but I told you I wasn’t moving in until after the 7th and I should not have to pay rent if I am not living there.

 

I responded by saying no you only said that you would be in Las Vegas until the 7th and evidently you are not, so there’s some miscommunication. I didn’t like his attitude like I was trying to cheat him so I said you know technically once you moved your things in on the 1st and I gave you a key, then that is when you moved in whether you are staying here or not.

 

So he got really pissy and said that I was a control freak and that it wasn’t going to work out moving in and I said fine come and get your stuff Saturday. I guess he expected me to beg him to stay when he’s the one who asked to rent in the first place!

 

All of this happened right before school started and then he sent me this text. Thanks for making me move again. Crypt keeper. :) That was really bizarre and stressed me out to know end thinking he might come to the house while I am at work and hurt the dogs or not watching them if they got out.

 

I called Charles Frost and he said he couldn’t come over because of a funeral he had to  attend but he said for me to tell him not to enter the house while I was not present.

 

Before I could text him that, Jake sent this message: Also if I find anything missing or damaged I will be calling the cops on you and since my father is a policemen this will not go pretty but I will be by to get my things shortly since this is for the best. I do not want to live with you and I am glad the feeling is mutual.  I hope you have a wonderful day love. Even if your miserable and alone.

 

I sent him a return text: I do not want you coming to the house without me being present... If you do I will call the police and charge you with trespassing... You can come and get your things after 2 today or tomorrow... If you do not I will put them out on the street and I expect my house key back before you retrieve your things… acknowledge that you understand... My neighbor has been informed to call me and then the police if anyone comes to the house without me there

 

Then he wrote a very immature response: Haha. No problem. I am sorry you’re a paranoid old man with a nervous disorder but sweetie I am not a thief and if I was I wouldn’t care to steal from you. Hell. From what I can see you’re not worth much. I doubt a crack head wouldn’t even bother with your place. So.. Don’t flatter yourself shamu. Haha. You really do have control issues. You may need to work on that but I can see why you are alone. Lol Anyway I don’t have time to drop myself to a high school level hun but I hope you have a wonderful day. I already have a place to go. You haven’t set me back. Wink!. Oh and FYI genius I can come by if you are not there. I do have a key and I will have police there in case you get all psycho because we both know you are a crazy controlling perv           

 

After that I chose not to engage with him anymore, what with him being a psycho but I worried most of the morning but what could I do? Charles Frost and Doug Lott came over about 12:15 and checked on the place and said everything was okay and I rushed home right after work and changed the code in the garage to that of my birthday and locked the screen door with the dead bolt. So there won’t be any surprise visits.

 

Charles told me to text him to come get his things or put them out on the street. So that is what I did. I told him to be here between 6 and 8 or I will put everything out on the street. He texted back that he would be over after work.   He came with some young girl at about 5:30 and was gone by 6 O’clock. What a fucking mess.

 

5 April 2014 Saturday

I came down with something horrible after going out with Amy. I am confined to bed.

 

6 April 2014 Sunday

I slept for nearly 12 hours.

 

7 April 2014 Monday

I am so glad I made up the dogs food for the week before I got sick... Brown rice boiled in chicken broth with peas and carrots, macaroni and cheese, roasted boneless chicken thighs, and gizzards, and Paul Newmans dry dog food... They aren't spoiled much... I heard the great Mickey Rooney has passed away at age 93.

 

8 April 2014 Tuesday

I looked in the paper and didn't see my obituary so I must be getting better. I said Thanks for all the well wishes to my friends on Facebook... That was some bad juju I caught.

 

Staying home to rest more but the worse is over and it didn't lick me. I am made of sterner stuff than that... Actually I felt up to getting my Q Salt Lake column written and sent off...

 

I stayed home from school and slept for much of the day. I don't recommend the flu diet even though I've lost 5 lbs since Saturday.... Am feeling well enough to be vain again and went out and had myself groomed and spiffed up but if I relapse I will look good for my viewing before they burn me up.

 

 For bacon lovers be prepared for prices to go sky high as a swine virus is wiping out the piglet population in America... new born piglets are dying in droves 3 percent have already been euthanized already and there’s no cure and its spreading.

 

I finally wrote my Lambda Lore Column for the 10th Anniversary of the QSalt Lake. Here it is: Ten years is very long time for a local Gay newspaper to exist.  It’s a mile stone for its publisher, Michael Aaron, and the community that supports it.

 

As author of the Lambda Lore Column I am proud to say that I have been with the paper for 10 years reporting on local Utah Gay history. I know of no other publication in the United States that holds that record.  We are a people with a history although many are unaware of it either through indifference, ignorance, or, as in the case of Utah’s public education system, willful obstructionism. I have often joked that the Gay community is like high school having a collective memory of four years where no one cares what happened before you and after you.

 

 I like to think of my Lambda Lore columns as kind of a collection of yearbooks to peruse not only for amusement but as a reflection of our common humanity as a Gay Folk.

 

The notion of having a universal Gay Volk Geist  which makes us a separate and distinct people is unpopular today. Maybe it is old fashion but in its time it was revolutionary and radical and it bound Gay people in an unwritten unique social contract.

 

Coming Out was not a solitary act of self-awareness as it had been previous to 1969.  Coming Out was a commitment, an avowal, that your fate was tied to the fate of all the others who were willing to face discrimination and persecution, loss of family, loss of jobs, and even loss of life.

 

Michael Aaron grew up with this sense of commitment but had  to compromise by dropping his surname of Green if only to save his family the shame and humiliation coming from those who would attack them for his choices.

 

My generation made this same commitment to one another and yes we all made our own compromises too. So we built social consciousness raising support groups, our own health clinics, our own  clubs, our own community centers, our own churches, and our own publications to reflect our own values and our own sense of identity. We did it because we had no choice, if we wanted to not only survive but also to thrive.

 

Coming Out is never easy whether you are 13 or 83.  It’s still the process of shedding layers of societal heterosexual norms, however, the older you are the more layers there are to be shed.

 

In the days before PFLAG kids simply ran away from home to make an anonymous life in the city.  Gay kids were simply throw aways, so no one cared about them except for the Gay community. 

 

For years and years a mantra was said within the Gay Community We are Family.   And we were.

 

In 1987 a 16 year old Lesbian named Becky Smith came to Unconditional Support because it was the only organization that said for Gays and Lesbians.  Her family had thrown her out.  For 3 months she slept on my couch until she made enough friends in the Gay community to move in with some other young Lesbians.

 

Was it illegal what I did? Yes, but no more so then throwing a 16 year old girl out on the street. 

 

From this experience I pled with Becky Moss, my cohost and producer of Concerning Gays and Lesbians on KRCL to create an openly Lesbian Support group for Lesbians. Many of whom were showing up at Unconditional Support and Wasatch Affirmation only to find that Gay men issues dominated the conversations by the sheer ratio of Gay men to women at these meetings.

 

Becky Moss was also of a generation of commitment and immediately started the long lasting First Thursday Women’s Group.  Were there Lesbians Group prior to Becky’s  group? Yes, but they were so secretive that you had to know someone before you even knew where they met.  As scary as it was to be an openly Gay man, it was exponentially so for Gay women.

 

I was 53 years old when I began writing my Lambda Lore column. I had a little more hair and a lot less gray in my beard but I was writing about what I had lived or had studied.  I had no idea that at age 63 I would still be writing.

 

Until 2011 my column was published bi-monthly so sometimes I felt I was in school writing a thesis every two weeks.  At only once a month now, I feel like a slacker.

 

 Originally Brandon Burt, the paper’s first  editor of what was then called the Salt Lake Metro (a dumb name I might add but I wasn’t asked) wanted me to send him three articles so he could have them on hand. Since I was doing a history column I guess it didn’t matter because they would never be timely or current.

 

Well no good deed ever goes unpunished because in the haste to get the first edition out and on the stands for a gala sendoff reception at the Hotel Monaco my column was left out.  So I can’t say that I was with the paper from the beginning but it was no fault of my own.

 

When The Salt Lake Metro and Michael Aaron Green had a parting of the ways in 2007 I was asked to join him in his new endeavor the QSalt Lake.  I told him then that my commitment was to him not the Salt Lake Metro and since I was a volunteer contributor it really wouldn’t affect me.

 

So when people Google search Lambda Lore some articles are listed under Salt Lake Metro and some under Q Salt Lake.  They all were written because Michael asked me to do so.

 

In September 2007 I took a hiatus from writing for about three months.  I had bottled up the grief I felt from the suicide deaths of two old activist warriors, Kathy Worthington and Chad Keller, and when I learned that my first love from High School and College, John Cunningham had also committed suicide earlier in the year, it was too much.  I never thought I would be living in a world without John somewhere in it.  So I shut down.

 

 In 2008 I realized life goes on and my commitment now was not only to the living but to the memories of those who came before;  those who never got to see AIDS become a chronic disease, see  Bowers Vs Hardwick overturned in 2003 with Lawrence vs. Texas overturning the criminalizing of homosexuality and its domino effect on all the other national anti-Gay Laws, the 2011 overturning of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,  2013 the United States vs. Windsor decision on the Defense of Marriage Act  and the most mind blowing to us old Gay folks- Marriage Equality in Utah.

 

As I am writing this column before the 10th Circuit Court’s decision comes out,  I don’t claim to be a prophet, I don’t know if  Gay Marriage in Utah will magically vanish like Brigadoon but it was once here… Its historical and that fact can never change.

 

I’ve written by my estimate more or less 200 articles on Gay Utah History or about a  quarter of a million words.  It’s been my gift to the Gay Community of Utah.  But I don’t know if I have any more to say, at least from my perspective.  I would really like to see this column feature guest writers. There are so many good writers in Utah and local historians…scratch a Mormon and you find genealogy and history in their DNA.   So many perspectives we could all benefit from.   History is a time machine and a time capsule for the future.  It’s been a privilege.

 

9 April 2014 Wednesday

Can't sleep... But think I am over the serious juju ... Having a few saltine crackers and a half a banana and some ginger ale...I think my body is finally saying eat something...

 

Back to school in the morning so better try to sleep although my mind is racing with thoughts for a story for Charles Lynn Frost's Art Access Writing Project... Just when you think you know me I still have secrets to reveal...

 

I went back into work today still really tired from the bout of flu that hit me like a ton of bricks and came home as soon as I could.

 

I woke up last night about 2 am my mind racing so I jotted down some thoughts until I forced myself to go back to sleep at 3.

 

Thoughts: John Cunningham –beauty incarnate the fulfillment of creation’s glory

 

My homosexual desires-A young man’s struggle with the carnal and the sublime; wrestling with an angel while hoping to be seduced by him.

 

In the Closet Lonely no signposts, Pushing through the darkness to find a path to safety and redemption

 

Some quick thoughts’ July 10, 1971-Hot summer Texas night on a deathly still night only the humming of the electric fan I lay sweating to restless to sleep messages from the preachers sermon from the revival swirled in my brain... What purpose was there without John to love? I fell out of bed onto my knees kneeling over my bed I prayed for god to take pain away... I did not want to love if all love was pain a broken heart, endless tears and loneliness. Exhausted from tears and pleading I half dreaming half-awake saw a light appear in my room. Mesmerized I stared into it making out what appeared to be a human form... Then he spoke Ben Israel beloved tears again flowed copiously as I was told that there was a purpose for me....Hours must have past but it seemed like an instant and I awoke to find myself a sleep upon the floor.  Something strange happened to me. Something I never heard happening to anyone I knew or anyone else since Biblical times. Was it just a dream? Was it real? It felt real. I felt different. I returned to California determined to be a new person but I did not dare tell a soul what I had experienced on my grandparents farm.

 

Fall Semester 1971-I entered Cal State Fullerton as a Junior. The Vietnam Nam War had expanded into Cambodia and boys with draft lottery numbers lower than mine were being inducted or fleeing to Canada.  Antiwar posters litter the campus and guerrilla theater actors were protesting nearly every week especial Dow Chemical which had a department at the university.  All the decorative river pebbles were removed from around buildings lest they were used as weapons in case of a riot. I was 20 years old and leaving home for the first time to live on campus at Orthy Hall, a coed dormitory. Kids smoked dope, had sexual hook ups but not me.  I was very lonely.  Even with my summer visitation I still struggled with the need of intimacy if not love. Not love. Love only brought pain. Then a 26 year old navy Vietnam veteran moved into my dorm room...he had Robert Redford mustache and smile that lit up a room.  My other dorm mate was an 18 year old jock on a wrestling scholarship.  As the fall term parties escalated into beer and pot parties I would wander off onto campus where I saw a startling poster for the formation of a Gay Student Union. It stirred something deep in me... A longing a hunger for a connection with others who might understand the same loneliness the same pain

 

My Letter to Kyle Foote: Dear Kyle, I received your letter dated the 2nd of April today and was glad to have it.  I’ve been so sick that it was received gladly. Tomorrow will be my 63rd birthday and I wasn’t sure I was going to make it.  It just doesn’t seem so long ago you planned my 60th birthday.  Time has a way of whittling down the years so they seem to get smaller and smaller and go by quicker and quicker.

 

The years of my youth seemed to last four times that of my old age. I am well enough now to write you a bit. But I am glad you settled with the VA and if I see anything still coming to the house I will send it your way.

 

I hope you got the letters I sent you about your grandma Turner and hopes it helps with your elusive search.  Sounds like there were a lot of skeletons in that closet no one wanted to talk about after they all became good Mormons… I wonder what ever happened to your Grandma’s sister in law who use to dive in to pools at Lagoon after setting herself on fire…I didn’t send you copies of her Blatnick brothers-in-law brushes with the law since you aren’t really related to them.

 

I wonder if your mother knew that her mother was knocked up at 15 and that is why she married so young… None of us are perfect and sounds like your horniness came pretty naturally…I love genealogy…

 

the same thing happened to Michael Romero’s grandmother. She was knocked up at 15 by a married Mormon from Wellsville who went to federal prison for taking a minor across state lines.

 

My mom was 16 when she was married ha! Yeah they were so sweet and pure in the olden days.  They just lied unless they got caught.

 

Well as to that renter. How I dodged a bullet on that one although it caused me severe stress which is why I think I got so sick.  He was this real fem twink who kept changing his story on me and just when he hadn’t called for days he called and said he couldn’t move in until the 7th because his sister needed him in Las Vegas because she caught her babysitting abusing her kid. So I said sure no problem.

 

Then the Sunday I get back from visiting you he called and said he didn’t go to Vegas and wanted to bring stuff by so I said I’d be home and I stayed home without him coming by or so much as saying anything. Didn’t hear anything else, until Monday April 1st.

 

I still was on Spring break, so he comes and unloads a U-Haul worth of crap, clothes, plants, pots, fabric, bric a brac a real queen palace worth and I thought where in the world is he planning on putting it all? He had a skinny princess Mexican kid helping him and he seemed nice but they left saying they were going to get the rest of it and his bed.  Never showed up the rest of the night. I had cleaned the shed out nice so he could store his bed but come Tuesday I don’t hear a thing, again on Wednesday nothing, and Thursday nada. I am thinking when is he coming back to start organizing this shit that is scattered all over downstairs.

 

Finally Friday Morning the 4th while at school I texted him to remind him that his rent will be late after the 5th. He called back and started bitching at me! He said he had told me that he wasn’t going to be moving in until the 7th and it was not fair to charge him rent if he was not staying there. His attitude pissed me off and I said, “Look you never said you weren’t moving in until the 7th. You did tell me you would be in Vegas until the 7th, which obviously you aren’t! It sounds like we aren’t communicating very well.

 

Then I got more pissed because of his snippy condescending attitude and I said, ‘You know technically once you deposited your things in my house and I gave you a key you took occupancy whether you are here or not!  He really got snotty then and said, if I knew that you were going to be such a control freak I would never have agreed to move in with you!

 

That really made me mad because I was doing him a favor…he asked me for a room to rent not I him so I said back to him, Fine come over Saturday and pack your things up.  I was fuming but had to calm down because it was a little before school was to start.

 

Then I get a text Thanks for making me move again Crypt Keeper … That freak me out. I physically felt ill like a weight had been dropped on my shoulders and back. I thought I am dealing with a psycho

 

Then another text Also if I find anything missing or damaged I will be calling the cops on you and since my father is a policeman this will not go pretty but I will try to be by to get my things shortly since it is for the best. I do not want to live with you and I am glad the feeling is mutual J I hope you have a wonderful day love. Even if your miserable and alone.

 

That message freaked me out so much I called Charles Frost to see if he could be at the house to keep an eye on the dogs; that they aren’t hurt or let loose. He had a funeral he had to be at but gave me good advice to respond back so I wrote Jake I do not want you coming to the house without me present. If you do I will call the police and charge you with trespassing. You can come and get your things after 2 today or tomorrow. If you do not I will put them out on the street and I expect my house key back before your retrieve your things. Acknowledge that you understand. MY neighbor has been informed to call the police if anyone comes to  the house without me there.

 

I had given him also the garage code so I had fears he might leave it open. Then again he sent a text Haha. No problem. I am sorry you’re a paranoid old man with a nervous disorder but sweetie I am not a thief and if I was I wouldn’t care to steal from you. Hell. From what I can see you’re not worth much. I doubt a crack head wouldn’t even bother with your place. So.. Don’t flatter yourself shamu. Haha. You really do have control issues. You may need to work on that but I can see why you are alone. Lol anyway I don’t have time to drop myself to a high school level hun but I hope you have a wonderful day. I already have a place to go. You haven’t set me back. Wink!  Oh and fyi genius I can come by if you are not there I do have a key and I will have police there in case you get all psycho because we both know you are a crazy controlling perv.

 

I refused to engage with him after that but sent the texts to Charles who went nuts and called him a Crazy Fuck. He had Doug Lott come over to house to make sure he wasn’t there and he wasn’t so I rushed home right after work at 1:30 to change the garage code and to bolt the front door screen so he couldn’t get in without me letting him in.  I told Charles and Doug thanks but I would be okay from there in.

 

So I texted him and told him I need for you to pick your things up tonight between 6 and 8 in the evening ... I want them out of my house and bring a policeman if you want... If you do not ... your things will be sitting in the driveway Saturday morning... And I will not be responsible for them... If they are not picked up by Saturday evening I will put them on the curb and it will be the city's property ... I am not waiting around to hear from you... I will not be available after 8.

 

Sweetie. I am working at the moment and that will not be a problem since I already rented a U-Haul.  J I hope you have a wonderful evening.

 

So I went about my business knowing the house was secured, taking Coco home and feeding the other hounds when at 5:30 I see a U-Haul again back up to the garage. I went downstairs and opened the garage since I had changed the code and propped the downstairs door open. I did not want to confront him or engage with him so I went back upstairs turned the television up and waited for them to done.

 

He brought a skinny teenage girl this time to move. Nothing he had was heavy just a lot of it. He was done by 6, left the key on the railing and they were gone. I kept thinking I just avoided a disaster.  This freak probably was not telling the truth about anything, working at La Frontera, going to cosmetology school being an LTM and I’d probably have had to fight to ever get my rent on time if ever.

 

 My body was so tense and full of stress. Saturday I got up early and was so restless I had to bake. Had to do something to stop stressing over Jake. I made two carrot cakes, a lemon cheese cake, baked 10 lbs. of baked boneless chicken thighs and gizzards, and made some macaroni and cheese. Some people drink when they stress, I bake.

 

I made the Cheesecake for Doug Lott for rescuing me yesterday and the two carrot cakes for Amy Barry and Jim Dabakis because I promised him a treat when we had lunch last week. The Chicken and gizzards were for the dogs this week ... Mixed with Paul Newmans dry food... They eat better than some people in this state do. I think.

 

Amy had asked me a couple of weeks ago to go out for brunch to celebrate our birthdays and since we don’t get together much anymore I said sure. I made her a carrot cake for her birthday last year and she said it was the best she ever had so I thought I’d surprise her and bring her one.

 

She suggested Brunch at this place called Avenue Proper. It's a little Bistro on 8th Avenue up by LDS Hospital. It was awful. All they had were these weird combination sandwiches with absolutely nothing under ten bucks. Amy and her weird food chic. I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu knowing Amy wanted to pay so I ordered a roasted chicken breast that only came with a salad. When it came I though $10 for this?

 

 Some people are really stupid. It was like cold sliced deli chicken between a lightly toasted sandwich bread with Kale as lettuce and a sweet pasty mayonnaise glop.

 

 Anyone knows that Kale uncooked is uneatable. It’s too stringy so I am not trying to be rude so I am pulling it off the sandwich so I could eat what was left of it. The salad it came with was just a bunch spring greens, no tomatoes, cucumbers, green onions nothing and with a very stringent acidity tasting dressing. I couldn’t eat it.

 

I am afraid Amy wasted her money and each time we go out she takes me to some Foodie place where they are trendy but taste like crap and overpriced. So we talked about the Democrats and life. She is with the Utah Stonewall Democrats but she said her taste for public office is over.

 

 It rained on us when we left and since it was General Conference Weekend... When the Saints Meet the Heavens Weep.., it's the LDS church's semiannual Gay Bashing Conference... A proud tradition since 1973...

 

Prophets may come and go but the bashing remains the same as Neil Anderson gave his all God’s children must obey the law of chastity until marriage but you Gay bastards are NEVER gonna get married if we have the millions to say so. 

 

Changes in civil law do not, indeed cannot, change the moral law that God has established. God expects us to uphold and keep his commandments regardless of divergent opinions or trends in society, the apostle said. His law of chastity is clear: Sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. As the world slips away from the Lord’s law of chastity, we do not. ...While many governments and well-meaning individuals have redefined marriage, the Lord has not. But opposing same sex-marriage, he said, does not mean Mormons should be judgmental of those who support it, particularly gays.

 

Mormons being judgmental? Never.  On temple square some people were called faggots for supporting the Ordain Women Movement. Well shortly after coming home I felt queerer than usual.... That afternoon I started feeling achy and feverish and nauseous ... I was sure it was Stress which can hit you like a ton of bricks... I was getting a headache too so I went to lie down and I was down for the count for three days. I was not a well woman.

 

All the first night, I had interrupted sleep all night, achy, was feverish, my eyes burned and kept waking up every few minutes feeling I needed to throw up but couldn't.. I haven't been that sick in a very long time... I was Weak like a kitten, my legs like rubber every time I went to the toilet ....Lucky, Buddy, and Daisy all knew something was wrong and stayed by my side...

 

Sunday Morning I could not eat too nauseous. It seemed funny that all last week my house was spotless when  I anticipated having a renter  but by Sunday it looked like a war zone. I was too weak and too sick to care about anything... except at 10 in the morning I felt guilty not bringing Doug Lott his Cheesecake so I drove into the city delivered both cheesecake and carrot cake to Charles Frost because Jim Dabakis never got back to me when I could have delivered his and I wanted them out of the house.

 

I am such a Martha getting out of my sickbed to make sure others are taken care of.  I thought I was dying and wanted them to have something to remember me by. Did I mention I was semi delirious and should have been nowhere near a set of keys. But also I went to store to get medicine Gatorade and ginger ale and Imodium.

 

Then except to get up once more to feed the hounds, I slept all day and hadn't eaten anything for 24 hours... The thought made me nauseous .... Then Sunday night and Monday morning came the nightmare of diarrhea… constant and unexpected. I was restlessness and fearful of soiling my bed and being too weak to change sheets and also fearful I was losing so much potassium because I had a friend who dropped dead at 35 because of a heart attack caused by a drop in potassium so I forced myself to eat a half a banana.

 

 It was grueling but I kept thinking who would take care of the hounds if I am not here. My mother passed away on April 11 the day after my birthday 3 years ago. I felt like I was going to be joining her and that was a consolation.

 

Monday morning came way too early but I had no choice but to go in having left early Friday and no lesson plans for a substitute. The Imodium was controlling the diarrhea temporarily so I went in at 7 in the morning cranked out lesson plans for two days and called in a sub for Tuesday but it was too late to get one for Monday unless they came later in the morning.

 

I was surprised that one accepted for 11:00 so I was just toughening it out with the kids until I got so nauseous that I had to race to the faculty bathroom and hope it wasn’t occupied since there are no men toilets anymore and there I threw up for ten minutes. I had never thrown up at school my entire career and couldn’t believe I had anything left in me to come up or out.

 

I went to my vice principal said I needed someone to take over my class because I have to go home and she found someone until the sub came. So back to bed for another day and a half.  I weighed myself and I had lost five pounds since Saturday.

 

  I have an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow for my quarterly checkup on my diabetes which I know this has caused my blood sugars to be all out of whack… By chance on face book someone was complaining of having Norovirus and I am convinced that is what I caught.

 

It wasn’t food poisoning because Amy ate the very same thing I did prepared in the same kitchen. And I had my flu shot this year.  The symptoms of Norovirus are exactly what I had. Norovirus infection causes a person to develop a rapid onset of nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and occasionally stomach cramping (all symptoms of gastroenteritis). In addition, the person may feel tired; have muscle aches, headache, and a low-grade fever (less than 101 F) with chills. The symptoms last about one to two days. Although no long-term problems persist or develop with this viral infection, dehydration (loss of body water) may be significant enough to require medical treatment.

 

I still feel tired and kind of beat up from the stress from the last several days but I feel a hundred times better and can even joke somewhat about my ordeal.

 

You are right about where I live, so close to Salt Lake and my friends but no transportation out here.

 

Reflecting on being a Gay man and being single when sick,  I love two quotes- one is from Torch Song Trilogy Arnold: There's one more thing you better understand. I have taught myself to sew, cook, fix plumbing, build furniture - I can even pat myself on the back when necessary - all so I don't have to ask anyone for anything.

 

And the other was from a bag lady who said to me I live alone but it's great company. I think living alone is better than living with someone who makes you feel alone like Mike Romero did.

 

With all this emphasis on Gay marriage today I think there needs to be a celebration for those who survive this life on their own for no fault of their own. Well I suppose this was way more news than you wanted to know.

 

I will end with some good news that on my birthday the 10th Circuit Court in Denver will be hearing Utah’s case on Marriage Equality. Never doubt that one person can make a difference in this old world. Mark Lawrence is on his way to making history when tomorrow Utah's challenge to Justice Shelby's ruling on the unconstitutionality of the ban on same sex marriage is heard.

 

Mark single handily did his homework, sought out plaintiffs willing to sue, and found and convinced the legal team to take the case to court. All without the help or funding of any organization. In fact he created his own, Restore Our Humanity.

 

I've known Mark by name as a quiet activist for over 30 years... A old time liberationist he has the old time Stonewall spirit that if there is a need we will fill it and not wait for others to give permission or approval. Because of Mark Utah will go down in history as the first marriage case to be heard in the United States before an appellate court since the historic Windsor vs. the US where the Supreme Court ruled that it was unconstitutional to apply the legal status of spouse to only heterosexuals.

 

This is why I stayed in Utah. This is where we make history... In 1987 while marching for Gay Rights in Washington DC someone shouted as we Utahns went by Utah small but proud... we don't seem so small now.

 

You once said to me, and I don’t know if you meant it, that I would care for you when all others went away. I do and I will.  I believe in two realities Love and Redemption. Love Ben

 

10 April 2014 Thursday

Today is my 63rd birthday. I am glad that my health is returning. At school we had our Starbase graduation ceremony for the kids to be recognized in front of their parents for the work they did at Hill Airfield. The kids wished me a happy birthday and I ran over at lunch to get some cupcakes to hand out to them. I usually take my birthday off but wasn’t able today because of the graduation.

 

Towards the end of the day, Liz Beck announced that the school was under lock out meaning the school doors have been locked and no one is to go outside. Later I learned there was a suicidal man with a gun near Bountiful High but it was called all clear in time for us to leave at the end of the day. If it would have lasted much longer we would have had to stay with the kids until an all clear was issued. Welcome to the 21st Century.

 

After school, I was rushing around to get Coco home and the dogs feed before heading down to the Rail Event Center for the Utah Democrat’s Politisause Event. It’s a pre-convention get together for candidates and Charles Frost and I were guests of Alan Anderson and the Utah Stonewall Democrats. They had bought 3 tables for $300 each so I guess they needed to fill them. It was a busy day and many couldn’t attend.

 

The 10th Circuit Court was hearing the Plaintiffs and the States position on Gay marriage in Denver. Bob Henline drove there and recorded events for the QSalt Lake. Michael Aaron has been off on a New England vacation with his mother.

 

 Anyway I sat with Becky Moss who was holding court and most people did not have a clue who I am but when so many came over to greet me they probably wondered who was this old guy.  Of course all the nouveau A-listers were flocking to Charles but the old timers who had been around 20 years were coming to me.

 

I guess Becky is thinking about going back on the radio but not at KRCL. She is still mad at how they treated her at the end.

 

Well I was really bored and I think so was Charles and we couldn’t really visit and since I had been there since 6 and dinner wasn’t being served until 8:30, I took off after getting a bite. I would have left sooner but Charles said we should stay and at least pick at the food.

 

But I said I am 63 years old and if I want to go home I  will. I don’t need to impress anyone here anymore [lots of laughter]. I caught Jim Dabakis on the way out and had him give me his home phone number so I can call him the next time I have a carrot cake for him.  So thus ended my big day with about 40 birthday greetings from family and friends on Face Book.

 

My old friend Robert Smith wrote me saying I'm a better person because of you. you held my hand and lead me to a better life and to being a better community leader/activist. Milwaukee and Minneapolis are better places because of your guidance. Another old friend Steven Brackenbury wrote: Ben, happy birthday to you, and not because it is the kind thing to say but because you have made a difference for so many. I am one of those. So thank you for hanging in there and so glad to have made your acquaintance. All the best to you.

 

11 April 2014 Friday

I took the day off because of a doctor’s appointment with Stoneburner at 10 in the morning which meant it was after 11 before I saw him. He is scheduled so tightly but he’s been my doctor for nearly 20 years so I will wait for him. 

 

My blood pressure was 116/68 but I didn’t have my A1C checked so don’t know what it was since last February. The scale didn’t show that I lost any weight since February but I didn’t gain any either. That was disappointing considering going to the gym and not eating for nearly 3 days last weekend.

 

Dr. Stoneburner said I caught a virulent strain of the stomach flu that has knocked out many younger people than me so I wasn’t just being a wuss.

 

So from there I met with Charles Frost and Doug Lott at the Garage on Beck Street where they wanted to treat me to a birthday lunch. We sat on the back patio and it was a perfect spring day. We talked about Pride Day and how some think Megan Risbon is sabotaging it and how hard it is to get anything signed off on anything.

 

It was announced that the plaintiffs for Restore Our Humanity are the Grand Marshals this year which I think the center would have lost any credibility if they hadn’t been picked but still a shame that Mark Lawrence has to share his Kristen Ries Award with Fran Pruyn for God’s sake.

 

Well that took a lot of my afternoon but it was relaxing and Doug likes the Garage so it was good for him too. I guess they ate up already both the Lemon Cheese Cake and Carrot Cake I had brought them[lots of laughter]. Amy admitted she ate all of hers too. It is a great recipe and so easy to make.

 

Came home and worked on my blog some and didn’t have too much time to rest because Levon Mirakyan wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday too.  He said to meet him at 6 in the evening but Levon being Levon he was late. Dave Robinson and he showed up about 6:30. Dave went with us although I hadn’t planned on it and hadn’t put up the back seat of the Cruiser so Levon climbed in the back.

 

We went to this new Mediterranean food place on Broadway called Spitz that they both liked. I didn’t care where we went because they were treating me. It was nice visiting mostly with Dave about the Center and seeing what Levon is up to. I guess they are both into Alternative Housing for Conventions and are wheeling and dealing about that. I think Levon might be rich someday the little shit. I do love him.

 

So it was nearly 8 before heading out of the city on a gorgeous night. Lots of people out and about enjoying the city and the beautiful sunset.  It was a Fun day.

 

Times have changed. I just read where it's $125 for a nonprofit or social group to be in the (Gay ) Pride Parade... Wow we use to throw a whole Pride Day together for that much in the 1980's... Sure would be nice to see where the money generated goes but that's wishful thinking.

 

Delenda est Carthago... Our great statesman Senator James Dabakis is posting scores of pictures of loving same sex couples and their families. After a brief synopsis of the couples family Jim inevitably writes something addressed to Sean Reyes, our morally weakling Attorney General, to the effect: Mr. Attorney General, would it be awkward to have a family like this move to Utah? You know, another second class family--not subject to full equal treatment under the law like your awesome family?

 

His posting reminds me of Cato the Elder, the Roman Senator, who whenever he addressed the Roman Senator would add at the end of his oratory Carthage must be destroyed. Carthage kept Rome from achieving greatness and so is this state's case against Marriage Equality. I think Jim is our own Cato... Marriage Inequality must be destroyed.

 

 

 

12 April 2014 Saturday

The Atty General keeps saying there’s nothing personal on his attack on Gay marriage. Bull Shit. When people say it's nothing personal that they are only doing their job,  no matter the hurt and pain they are causing and they cannot in the least empathize with the people they are hurting,  it IS sinister if not pathological. Whenever people suffer or are hurt, I feel sorry. ... But I will not apologize for standing up for the laws of the state of Utah, Sean Reyes said.

 

Then if the laws of Utah are causing people to suffer and be hurt ... change them or don't enforce them you damn fool. I imagine the bus driver said, I am sorry Ms Park that you have to sit in the back of the bus because it’s the will of the people but after all the law is the law.

 

 I had a nice lunch with Bill Poore at Pat’s BBQ and ordered the two meat combo for $16. It was beautiful weather so we sat on the patio however both he and I realized we both can't eat that much meat any more. I gnawed on a rib or two and took the rest home but it was scrumptious. It's just as you get older you appetite isn't as keen on heavy meats.

 

What I really could go for is some California style chop suey but you can't find it in Utah just chow Mein.

 

When I got home I had the runs again so I rested some and took a nap until Charles Frost called me about 5 just to visit.

 

After that Oh my God I got a text message from The psycho Jake Roche saying  Hey. You wouldn’t be willing to rent me the room out would you hun. I’ll give you a good pounding with my huge cock and my buddy said he would join. I do miss you. Then he sent this, I am sure we could work something out ...

 

OMG. So I texted the messages to Charles Frost and he wrote back, He's playing you. He's evil! The second friend comment tells me so. She's a fucked up drug user. Keep those texts, you may need to show them to police officer. They could find the little bitch, he'd mouth off, and they'd arrest him in 5 seconds. He needs to be scared shitless.

 

I blocked him on my phone because I did not want to interact with him ever again. Not after what he put me and my friends through. Nice that Charles worries about me. He told me not to be so Cavalier.

 

Well I finished two hours of yard work ... first lawn mowing of the season with my electric blow and go. I pulled some weeds and cultivated all my planting beds. Maybe tomorrow I will go buy some seeds for summer squash and pickling cucumbers. I may can up pickles this fall.

 

I love getting my hands down into the soil and seeing all the growing things, tulips, grape hyacinths, daffodils and all the other sprouts coming alive again. A time of renewal. Spring is God's promise that life will renew.

 

So to get my mind off that piece of drama with psycho Jake, I soaked in the hot tub while the Mexicans next door are having a fiesta. The Mexicans next door are having a fiesta with a live band. The laughter and joy cascading over the fence is wonderful to work by this Spring evening. Too tired to cook so chips and homemade salsa for dinner.

 

13 April 2014 Sunday

My sweet mom passed away on this day in 2011 at the age of 82. I miss her everyday but glad she is not in any more pain and is as free as when she rode her horses Tarzan and Lizard as a little girl in west Texas. She rode without a saddle or stirrup just clutching their mane and off she flew.

 

Fun day even if the weather turned from the beautiful Spring day of yesterday. My old friend Brandon Burt and his hubby Dave came over for dinner and hot tubbing. I had not seen Brandon Burt for a while so it was fun catching up...

 

I fixed Enchiladas and Spanish Rice and Brandon brought some pink powder donut holes because he thought it was fun asking people if they wanted a pink hole ...

 

Nice weather for hot tubbing. It was kind of a shared birthday dinner since his birthday is the 12th and mine the 10th.

 

14 April 2014 Monday

My class went to attend Ballet West’s Little Mermaid at the Capitol Theater... I have a student in the cast so that was exciting.

 

15  April 2014 Tuesday

I went to a writing class tonight as part of an Art Access project facilitated by Charles Frost which opened some old feelings for me that were still raw after all this years... The older I get the more I see the commonality of my experiences recede. Those who shared what I went through are nearly voiceless as another generation tries to reinterpret and rebrand the history we made.

 

This young woman articulated the divide between sexual orientation and sexual identity in the so called LGBT community. She was frustrated and angry that Marriage Equality was dominating the agenda rather than medical and health issues that the bisexual and trans community want as a top priority...

 

 I maintained my composure until I heard her rebrand Stonewall as a Trans bar and the Stonewall riots as a Trans riot... That was too much for this old man to accept.

 

Mark Lawrence  wrote: It is probably good that I wasn't there. I have enough difficulty trying to remain civil with the opposition to marriage equality, when opposition comes from within the community, I may lose my grip. Medical issues really?

 

I said, I will never marry again in my life but I am extremely happy that those who want to can... I don't understand why a part of the community can't be happy for another part even if it doesn't affect them... I don't get it.  I thought I was very restrained and Charles Frost was sitting next to me so I thought I better behave... But I will not let a lie stand...

 

Bill Poore said, Stonewall was not a Trans bar nor was it a Trans riot.....there were trans there but Stonewall was a sleazy bar where drag queens, lesbians, and street kids could get cheap booze and dance with each other. As a community the Trans had not even begun to identify themselves as such. The anger that night was fueled by the heat, death of Judy Garland, and bulling by the police. The street kids actually started the riot as the patrons of Stonewall were being put into the paddy wagons. It was a Lesbian and a Drag queen that threw the first punch that got it going. I hope you set her straight Ben.

 

Ruadhan O'Sheridan snarkily said “Where did you hide the body? but then added, I am glad you did not let a lie stand. There have been way too many attempted revisions of local LGBTQ history around here to suit one crowd or another. I am sick of it, too.

 

I responded to Ruadhan saying, “They go unchallenged and too many young people accept the loudest version... It's a sad commentary that groups have to co-opt other people’s history because they have no history of their own... Sad that some can't have gratitude to those that fought the battles so they can today bitch.

 

Chuck Whyte commented Another Baboon trying to make up history instead asking and or reading about it, I do hope you VERBALLY knocked her into next week...........

 

Even my sister Charline Wachs had something to say, I only know what I have learn from what you all have wrote. I do know that if we do not learn from the past and from the people who lived it we are not building a future on the missteps and on the triumphs that were made by your generation we are not moving on you are just trying to rewrite it the way you want it.

 

I answered, “You are right sis ... A revisionist history is not history it's propaganda ... Like conservatives saying how slavery was good for black folk. 

 

16 April 2014 Wednesday

No entry

 

17 April 2014 Thursday

No entry

 

18 April 2014 Friday

I must have needed some sleep... I fell asleep watching a program at 7:30 yesterday night and didn't wake up until my alarm went off at 6 this morning... School is wearing me out as we get ready to test the little buggers and send them off to 7th grade... It's like trying to ground live wires and herd cats all at the same time. Summer is not a vacation for teachers. It's a recovery time.

 

Coming home from work I've discovered a dastardly murder. I came home to a crime scene find with feathers all over the front room. I have four suspects, Buddy, Daisy, Coco and Lucky. Daisy has been known to be a serial bird killer. Lucky has returned to the scene of the crime. Buddy and Coco are acting innocent! Gruesome and gross.  Where is Miss Marple when I need her?

 

Only on the west side of Salt Lake do you have to wait to allow  Roman Soldiers, carrying a 10 foot wooden cross, while they use the crosswalk on Good Friday.  It was over at the Guadlupe Church on 3^rd North

 

I wrote Bill Poore to message me if he'd like to come over for Easter Sunday Dinner if he doesn’t  have other plans. .

 

19 April 2014 Saturday

I am heading out of town just for the day...but I got my carrot cake for tomorrow cooling off. On the Easter menu are turkey & dressing, ham and au gratin potatoes, deviled eggs, green beans with bacon, buttered corn, and fried okra. Dinner is at 3:00 so I wrote folks to drop on by for a bite. Nothing fancy.

 

It was a beautiful day but a long day trip 6 hours to Gunnison and back and the two hours I was visiting Kyle  He was surprised to see me but I wanted to see him for Easter. We had a good visit. He even said I should have turned him in the first time when he stole that money from me but I said I couldn’t. I couldn’t be the one to send him to prison

 

We talked about the genealogy I sent him and he also said he should have been an architect instead of a con man. I so agreed with him. I guess the magazines I ordered for him are finally coming.

 

I took the Sonoma truck for the trip and it sure is nice to have cruise control again. I stopped at Iceberg on the way back and had onion rings and a raspberry shake yummy...

 

Then at home started all the prep work for tomorrow's Easter Dinner... Got the scalloped potatoes all done, dressing, turkey seasoned, ham glazed, jello is setting up and eggs all peeled to devil tomorrow... Most stuff I will just got to pop it in the oven, heat up on the stove and clean my house tomorrow...

 

20 April 2014 Easter Sunday

I was up early to prep dinner and clean house. Yay I get to use the Easter basket deviled eggs holder I bought at Deseret Industries for a buck... It’s Brand new and it’s still in its box! I am such a granny ...

 

I worked my butt off but it was another fun Easter dinner with the old crowd... Alan Anderson and hubby Kyle Daniels, Chuck Whyte, Bill Poore, Richard Egan, John Crapeau, Ben Anderson and his hubby Mattia Lumaca all came and if they went away hungry was their own damn fault...

 

I thought it was funny how Bill and Alan connected through Queen Mother Nicolette an old drag queen [laughing out loud] ... Bringing people together through food, conversation, and laughter... What more do you need to feel rich?

 

John Crapeau brought Connell O’Donovan over because he is without transportation and Bill brought Chuck. I was too tired to eat much but I had some ham.

 

I made a turkey, dressing, and gravy casserole, a glazed ham, green beans with bacon, corn with red bell peppers, fried okra, potatoes au gratin, a jello parfait, deviled eggs, cream cheese celery logs, some dinner rolls, faerie wine, and a carrot cake.

 

One of the reason I like cooking special dinners like for Easter is that while it's a lot of work, every dish I make reminds me of my Grandma Williams, my mom, Aunt Bonnie, Aunt Marie, And Aunt Beulah... It makes me feel connected with them and I miss them a little less when I make something they made... I feel their joy again...

 

Ben and Matia didn’t come over until about 5:30 although dinner was at 3 so most of the people were leaving as they came but Alan and Kyle had a good time visiting with them.

 

Bill Poore brought me an Easter Lily when he came over for dinner... He’s Very thoughtful like that.

 

Everyone was gone about 7:30 and I think every dish in the house was dirty. Company wore my pups out....they are zoning ... I won't be too far behind them...got the second load of dishes going in the dishwasher and everything else can wait...after all tomorrow is another day!

 

Richard Egan wrote I was holding a bit of a roll in my left hand in my lap as I was using the fork in my right hand to eat some Easter Sunday dinner ham when one of Ben's dogs helped me out up by snatching the dinner roll out of my hand! The food, my friends, was of exceptionally good quality, as was the friendships displayed there! Thanks to all of you for your gracious welcome!

 

Bill Poore commented By the way, did I say how great the food was? Very nice relaxing afternoon. I just sent a message to Doug Murri and told him I met Alan and Kyle, nice couple by the way. Now I know John I know who was posting all those great photos on our group site.

 

Alan Anderson wrote: Very nice Easter. We will probably not be invited back since Ben Williams had to kick us out in order to get his home back to himself! Thanks Ben.

 

Connell O’Donovan said Had a lovely Easter dinner at Ben Williams house, along with another six men as well - best ham, turkey, stuffing, and gravy EVER! I even tried a little ochra. (Not good, but not bad.) And then Ben's Infamous Carrot Cake. Holy Helsinki, that was yummy! And he sent us all home with a plate of leftovers. I can't wait for lunch tomorrow...

 

 Ben Williams  replied to all Thanks for coming everyone and putting up with my brat schnauzers.” Why does Easter have to be on a school night? My sister Charline Wachs  even commented saying I am happy that you spent the day with family and friends.

 

21 April 2014 Monday

I had to drop Chuck Whyte off at LDS hospital for some overnight tests this evening about 7:30 so I went over to James Dabakis to deliver a carrot cake. There he was working with Matt Conway on a save the Salt Lake Tribune petition since the Mormons now control 70 percent of the Joint Operating Agreement... I had a lot of fun visiting with them...Jim is a hoot and Matt and I discussed Queer Theory... I really enjoyed myself. Well worth a carrot cake... good food and good conversation ... I feel like one of the Golden Girls or rather Golden Gays [laughing out loud]

 

22 April 2014 Tuesday

I took advantage of a small break in the weather when I came home from work  to mow my back yard and boy it needed it... There’s lots of Scottish thistle growing up. It took me about an hour.  I am about ready to get a pet goat...

 

After taking Coco home to Michael Romeos, the winds made the dust so bad you can hardly see across the street... I am staying home tonight for sure...

 

Michael Ferguson thanked me for mentioning The Queen’s Tea in the Q Salt Lake’s Fabby’s Issue.

 

23 April 2014 Wednesday

Today was the 6th Grade Spring Dance and they kids all looked so nice and they were so excited and scared at the same time.  I was nearly late this morning because I was on Face Book too long so I got to work about 8:30 the latest I had all year.

 

The mothers in charge did an excellent job decorating and there were lots of parents there. I was exhausted. I think from waking up at 12:30 this morning and not be able to go back to sleep until 1:30. I am glad I will not be teaching with Mrs. Everson next year. She does have some control issues and wants everything done her way.

 

Came home right after stopping and getting some treats for the Friday auction and after feeding the dogs went to bed to read rather than clean house. The wind from yesterday ripped down the Rainbow flag and dropped dead leaves all over the deck. Another thing to clean.

 

Charles Frost and Doug Lott flew to New York City for a getaway and to see some Broadway plays.  I sent some genealogy to a second cousin on the Williams side a grandson of Uncle Tab Williams.

 

24 April 2014 Thursday

It was kind of an anticlimactic day after yesterday’s spring dance and the kids are just getting more and more antsy to be out of 6th grade. We finished up playing Diplomacy, a game about World War I and the kids had a lot of fun strategizing.

 

I have to do another student engagement lesson tomorrow and I was pissed to learn we have to do it another year when at first they said it was just a 2 year program… oh well.

 

Noticed gas has jumped again from $3.25 to $3.40.Really nothing to write about.

 

25 April 2014 Friday

I had to teach a lesson that is observed by other teachers in a program called Student Engagement so have to have the bells and whistles out... I taught a lesson on using the concept of Nets in math.

 

26 April 2014 Saturday

It rained for most of the day and on rainy days I can't get anything done but I did go out and bought a new vacuum cleaner at Target. The old one didn't suck anymore.

 

I do get in a cooking mood though...I cooked a roast and made a pot of pinto Beans. I’m gonna get my tomato plants in the ground today... I planted squash and cukes on Friday before the rain... You can take the boy off the farm but you can't take the farm out of the boy...

 

Finally found out what all the fuss is about. Bryan Schott used one of my Face Book postings to blast Jim Dabakis as being behind the Face Book Save the Tribune Website. Schotts was trying to make it appear that Jim was going to use the signatures on the petition for nefarious reasons… Pro-Tribune Website May be Harvesting Personal Information from Users was the headline.

 

Jim Dabakis wrote me Did you see all the problems you caused? Schott is the hatchet man for the Deseret News. His boss is LaVarr Webb...and the D News is clearly annoyed. This is, no doubt, step one of punishment...that’s politics. I like it in the kitchen... Josh Jonas Kent Jones added Can I say, I'm getting a hoot-and-holler out of little Ben Williams and his carrot cake and queer theory convo becoming high crimes in the eyes of some goons!? Only in Utah. Love it.

 

Jim responded to that saying Getting that info out was the lowest of the low that the Deseret News could imagine. A side crack against the Church AND talk of Queer theory, by a Senator! 'Find a way to get that public!' Josh ended the comments saying So transparent... love ya Senator. (and Ben!)

 

27 April 2014 Sunday

This morning I've got corn bread in the oven and some bread rising... Even though it's not rainy today and the weather is pretty...I haven't made homemade bread in years... I almost bought a bread machine yesterday and I thought how lazy can I be? As long as I have strength in my arms and an oven to bake in, who needs a bread machine?

 

 Kneading bread dough is very much like kneading potter clay which I learned to do in college... It's all in the heel of the hand and gentle pounding... I've turned my loaf into cinnamon raisin bread...just letting it breathe and rise again then into my hot oven it goes...

 

I had a fabulous Lunch and the cinnamon raisin bread I made this morning looks like it turned out just fine ...  I had homemade honey corn bread and pinto beans with homemade salsa for lunch supper. Good eating at the Williamses today... Simple fare for a simple man ...  Bon appetite.

 

This afternoon I planted my tomato plants in the front yard.

 

It was a movie night with Alan Anderson and Kyle Daniels ...I haven't done a movie night in a long while... So time to Gay up the house for company.   Kyle brought the movie... Philomena I think... I fixed a Papa Murphy Cowboy Pizza  for dinner and we had a nice visit. The movie was very interesting although it made you hate the Catholic Church even more so.

 

28 April 2014 Monday

I showed my kids the movie Continental Drift the Ice Age movie and they loved it so I didn’t do much this afternoon. I gave them the apple sauce cake I made yesterday and they thought it was yummy. For some of them it might have been the first homemade cake they ever eaten.

 

I was in bed when Levon Mirakyan called me. He said he was wondering if he could come back to my place for a few days.  He said Dave Robinson and he had a huge conflict and he didn’t know what to do. So I drove into the city about 7:30 to listen to my Armenian kid talk about how he is struggling with Dave and life.

 

 We sat in the Smiths downtown parking lot for two hours while I just listened. Everyone needs someone who will just listen. Sometimes that's all a person needs... He returned to Dave’s and he later wrote me and said Thanks Ben for being there for me. I said always.

 

It was nearly 10 before getting to bed.

 

29 April 2014 Tuesday

I hope my tomatoes survived the hard freeze... I covered them with a sheet last night.

 

Toni Palmer’s cousin, Jake Rowe, was an out and proud Gay man, but his obit kept that a shameful secret. He wouldn't have wanted that. We need to write the obits for our family and friends and put them in OUR papers... He was related to two strong and courageous people from our community .. He was Mark Lawrence nephew and Toni Palmer's cousin... However it was the genealogist in me ...  that made the family connection that they were unaware of.

 

Mark said the family is having a LDS funeral but at least he is going so Jake will have someone from the Gay Community there. 20 years ago I did the same for Dave Reed who died of AIDS. His family buried him in temple clothes with a  big LDS funeral but I went to the viewing just because I knew Dave would have wanted someone Gay there to acknowledge his Gayness even if secretively ...

 

I thought times would have changed by now.

 

Mark Lawrence wrote: Jake was a sweet and tenderhearted young man. He had obstacles that stood in his path and fought them with strength and hope like nobody I have ever known. He was driven by hope and a strong sense of family and he was a very loving and generous man. I will miss him, but he will always be in my heart and thoughts.

 

Toni Palmer wrote: BTW, Ben, If I die b4 you and my family gives me a Mormon funeral.. you have my permission to throw a Queer Nation style protest.

 

I went to the Q Salt Lake’s Tenth Anniversary Party this evening where I met up with Charles Frost. It was not terribly well attended only about 75 people and half of them were people who were being given awards. The Fabby’s are a PR ploy where Q readers vote on their favorite this or that. Charles got best Actor Award. Michael Aaron presented me with a Lifetime Achievement Award which was the first ever given out... Very nice and thoughtful...

 

James Dabakis wrote; Huge Congrats.. You deserve it. And no need to block this message. [laughing out loud]. Michael Pierce said, “Cheers to the fabulous Ben Williams!. My sister commented, “Congrats on your award. Love you. Bill Poore wrote, Could not have picked a more deserving person. His brother Ross added, “What an incredible thing and so well deserved. You are a special example to all of us. Wonderful thing. We need dinner to celebrate.

 

My old friend Bobby Smith now living in Minnesota wrote: Congrats you deserve this many times over. You mentored many of us and showed us what it is to be out and proud in our past the present and into the future. The gay community in Salt Lake City and the rest of the country is a better place because of you.

 

Richard Egan commented, Your stamina and endurance to the gay spirit in all of us definitely deserves every award possible - thanks for your help and efforts over the years! I am proud to count you as a friend!

 

 Curtis Jensen now living in San Francisco said, Congratulations, a much deserved award to a person who has never wavered from his dedication to the LGBT community in Utah.

 

Charles Frost said, “Very deserved. Hard earned. You look like Gloria Swanson in all of David Andreason's photos with those dark glasses on all night. Trendsetter.

 

Others who congratulated me were Melissa Sillitoe, David Andreason,  Tracy L Johnson-Faulkner,  Amy Barry, Craig Hunter, Kevin Riddle, Alan Anderson, Jon Schild, Little Lee Castillo, Bob Henline, Daniel Humphrey, Weston Clark, Greg Allen, Ron Holmgren, Michael Aaron, my nephew James Clark and Douglas Cartier. 

 

30 April 2014 Wednesday

I had to attend an afternoon work shop on how to teach the new Reading series the District adopted. It’s so much work to plan for a sub since there is nothing they can really do with the kids.

 

After school I went to the writing project that Charles Lynn Frost is facilitating for art access this evening at 7 in the evening. I didn’t read anything but just listened to stories people wrote. Two were very powerful and raw. One guy wrote about his break up with his first lover who died of AIDS and another wrote of people raped by a roommate.

 

 I loaned Charles another scarf for a photo shoot and he said I should be his wardrobe mistress  ha! .. I’ve been a gad-about this week instead of the homebody I usually am.. but it was fun to hear Gay men tell their stories...

 

Actor Bob Hopkins died today. My favorite movie of his was who framed Roger Rabbit.

 

MAY

1 May 2014 Thursday

May Day ... Remember labor is the true wealth Raise the minimum wage! Vote for the working people ... not the ruling class. It’s also Beltane when the god is at his lusty height. So begins May…

 

School will end at the end of this month. I have taught half of my students for two years and believe it or not I am going to miss a lot of them. They were a fun group and many will grow up to have fine lives.

 

2 May 2014 Friday

It’s hard to believe that testing begins next week. Just 20 more school days. I left school at 2:30 and went grocery shopping for dog food and was able to mow the lawn so I’d say it was a pretty productive day.

 

Face Book is lit up with Gayle Ruzicka and Dottie S Dixon (Charles) being on the same stage together at last night’s Mayor Ben McAdams’ roast of Jim Dabakis. [lots of laughter]

 

Jon Schild wrote me to say he just finishing a book called Blood Doctrine by Ross and Ryan Poore.  He said: Twice during a trial, they quote unpublished pieces by a gay historian in Salt Lake City called Ben Williams.  I didn't know you were famous!

 

Eat Well Live Well Love Well. What a great motto.

 

3 May 2014 Saturday

I washed Buddy and Daisies butts this morning. They get bad when they are this woolly but Stephen Bollinder doesn’t have any openings until May 23rd a Friday at 3 O’clock. They will really be shaggy by then but at least they will have their summer cuts.

 

I mowed the back yard and put a lot of the sticks and twigs from the Globe willows in piles to do something with them later.

 

I then went up to Washington Elementary to retrieve a small desk I had brought from home years ago. It was light enough that I could put in the truck by myself.

 

Then I went to Lowes and bought some herbs, lavender, rosemary, stevia, sage, and oregano and a new lilac bush. I planted the lilac bush next to the steps going down from the deck. When it blooms in a few years it will smell really nice.

 

I cleaned out the flower pots and filled them with pansies, snap dragons and some other flowers from seed that that I bought at Sutherlands. They will be pretty in the summer. I also cleaned off the deck and hot tub... and I made an apple sauce cake for Doug Lott. Amazing what you can get down when you get off Face Book for a while [lots of laughter].

 

But I am bushed so I watched Cloud Atlas that I got from Netflix’s. I had never seen it before. It was long and at times tedious with its interconnecting stories about reincarnation but overall it was very interesting.

 

Since Charles Frost and Doug might be coming over tomorrow I cleaned the kitchen before heading off to bed about 9:30 tonight  but I must have been bitten by mosquitoes or something because my leg was really itchy making hard to sleep.

 

4 May 2014 Sunday

I shared my breakfast of bacon and pancakes with the three hounds and sent Kyle Foote  $70 finally for a new pair of shoes finally. I said I would on my last visit. His old ones he’s had since being incarcerated and are getting pretty shot.

 

Charles Frost  and Doug Lott decided not to come over to hot tub so I just lounged around a lot today. I did clean out a couple of flower beds in the back yard but mostly used Sunday to catch up on my journal and write Kyle a letter.

 

 In the late afternoon I did deliver Doug’s Apple sauce cake to him and we visited for about an hour. They wanted me to stay for dinner but I was still dirty from working in the yard and just wanted to get home.

 

Michael Ferguson sent me a message on Face Book saying, Do you know that I wear the freedom rings you gave us every day? I answered, I wish they were shiny and new but as it is, they are almost 20 years old... This makes me happy... something to remember me by on your life journey.

 

Michael then wrote You're very special to us. I feel strengthened and connected to queer energy when I wear them. Do you know I have clinical anxiety and depression? I hide it ok most of the time. But three decades of self-hate doesn't come undone overnight. The rings help me feel connected to love and to our faerie tribe.

 

I replied, “We are all broken but we have each other to mend and patch up and heal ... Oppression is a terrible thing...

 

Yes, it is.  You're a pioneer. Your legacy will reach further than you know, said Michael.

 

We drop pebbles in a pond and never see where they go but they do... I've had a good life doing as Christ commanded Freeing the captives and mending the Broken hearted. When we all return to star dust the love we leave behind is our only legacy.

 

Love you, Ben.

 

I ended saying “Proud to know you Michael.

 

 The Letter I wrote Kyle- Dear Kyle, It’s May so I thought I’d get a letter off to you. I deposited $70 in your account so you can get some new shoes. You said your old ones were wearing out. Otherwise I hope all is well with you.

 

 It seems that right after our visit you had a lockdown. I hope it wasn’t for very long. Some Tongan crypt gang member was shot to death in the new court house after lunging at a witness.  Well I guess the world is a better place without him. What a wasted life. A life full of wrath, anger and self-centeredness.

 

Well let’s see if I can catch you up with any news here since our last visit. I did ask Michael Aaron to try that PO address you gave me for your magazines to see if you will get the Q that way but I think I told you that.

 

 I had Easter dinner at the house for the usual suspects. I am such a granny ...I worked my butt off but it was another fun Easter dinner with the old crowd... Alan Anderson and hubby Kyle, Chuck Whyte, Bill Poore, Richard Egan, John Crapeau, Ben Anderson and his hubby Mattia Lumaca all came and if they went away hungry was their own damn fault... I thought it was funny how Bill and Alan found a connection through Nicolette an old drag queen [laughing out loud] ... Bringing people together through food, conversation, and laughter... What more do you need to feel rich?

 

John Crapeau brought Connell over because he is without transportation and Bill brought Chuck. I was too tired to eat much but I had some ham. I made Turkey and dressing and gravy casserole a glazed ham, green beans with bacon, corn with red bell peppers, fried okra, potatoes au gratin, a jello parfait, deviled eggs, cream cheese celery logs, some rolls, faerie wine, and a carrot cake.

 

Kyle Daniels is about 25 years old and he made an observation that people his generation don’t have the connection that the Gays of my generation do with each other…that we seem to have known ever one out and about in the community. He later said he had that same conversation with Gay friends at Westminster and they said too they were lacking that sense of community that we older Gays had.  Some things are gain with assimilation but others are lost I suppose.

 

The next day I had to drop Chuck Whyte off at LDS hospital for some overnight tests in the evening so I went over to James Dabakis’s mansion in the Avenues to deliver a carrot cake I had promised a while ago. There he was working with Matt Conway his campaign manager on a save the Salt Lake Tribune petition website since the Mormons now control 70 percent of the JOA...

 

I had a lot of fun with them because Jim is a hoot when he’s worked up and Matt and I discussed Queer Theory for about two hours... I really enjoyed myself. It almost seemed like the talks we use to have. It well worth a carrot cake...

 

However then innocently I posted my visit with Jim on my face book and to my great surprise Bryan Schotts copied it to expose Jim as the author of the Save the Tribune Web Site! Schotts was trying to make it appear that Jim was going to use the signatures on the petition for nefarious reasons…Pro-Tribune Website May be Harvesting Personal Information from Users

 

Jim Dabakis wrote me laughing Did you see all the problems you caused?” Schott is the hatchet man for the Deseret News. His boss is LaVarr Webb...and the D News is clearly annoyed. this is, no doubt, step one of punishment...that’s politics. I like it in the kitchen...

 

Josh Jones who writes for the Q said Can I say, I'm getting a hoot-and-holler out of little Ben Williams and his carrot cake and queer theory convo becoming high crimes in the eyes of some goons!? Only in Utah. Love it.

 

James Dabakis responded Getting that info out was the lowest of the low that the Deseret News could imagine. A side crack against the Church AND talk of Queer theory, by a Senator! 'Find a way to get that public!' [lots of laughter]

 

 Joshua Jones ended saying So transparent... love ya Senator. (and Ben!)

 

So I committed high crimes and intrigues [lots of laughter]. I am such an innocent and glad that I am.

 

Did you know Jake Rowe while you were at NAMI? He committed suicide and his LDS obituary mentioned nothing of him being an out and proud Gay man. Shameful. He was related to both Mark Lawrence of Restore Our Humanity and Toni Palmer of Queer Nation. It was the genealogist in me that made the family connection that they were unaware of.

 

Mark said the family is having a LDS funeral and at least he is going so Jake will have someone from the Gay Community there. 20 years ago I did the same for Dave Reed who died of AIDS. His family buried him in temple clothes big LDS funeral but I went to the viewing just because I knew Dave would have wanted someone Gay there to acknowledge his Gayness even if secretively ... I thought times would have changed by now.

 

On the 29th of April, Michael Aaron held a party to celebrate the Q’s 10th Anniversary and hand out Fabby Awards. I am the only original columnist from that time. I was surprised and honored that Michael gave me a Life Time Achievement Award the first of its kind as a Fabby Recognition.

 

However history was really made when Mayor Ben McAdams hosted a Roast for Jim Dabakis on May 1st at the Rail Event Center and Sister Dottie S. Dixon and Gayle Ruzicka shared the stage. The end must be near with Gay Marriage in Utah and Ruzicka and Dottie at the same event. If you know anyone who gets the SL City Weekly there’s a pretty good article in it by Eric Peterson that is a hoot to read.  He wrote in part: This display was topped off by the surprise finale bit by the Eagle Forum's own Gayle Ruzicka who in her grandmotherly way threw a few loving zingers Dabakis' way. He has such enthusiasm for his liberal causes, he inspires people to get involved, to call their legislators and stand up for what they believe in—it's about time someone set a fire under those Republicans, Ruzicka said. In fact my phone tree right now is so large it makes my genealogy tree look like a banzai tree.

 

There was also a tender moment in the night where Ruzicka thanked Dabakis for being a friend who always treated her and her beliefs with respect and the two hugged on stage--adding an aww shucks moment to complement the many what the hell? moments of the evening.

 

Charles Frost the actor who plays the exuberant the Utah County Mormon Mommy persona of Sister Dottie S. Dixon then took the stage with Ruzicka, for some standup. Which to be fair was mostly Ruzicka smiling politely while Dixon made jokes about the women being sorority sisters at BYU. Dixon then handed Ruzicka various liberal paraphernalia like the Mormon Kama Sutra and a “Hillary 2016” bumper sticker while Ruzicka considered in the back of her mind how the gifts would burn up nicely in her fireplace.

 

Then it ended, the show was over, and no one who left the event would ever be the same again.”

 

I know some really unique people and grateful to have them in my life. How I love the Gay Life and Salt Lake City.

 

The weather is nice enough for yard work. I planted a lilac bush next to the porch steps going down from the deck. When it blooms in a few years it will smell really nice. I cleaned out the flower pots and filled them with pansies, snap dragons and some other flowers from seed that that I bought at Sutherlands. They will be pretty in the summer.

 

 Well I guess that is enough news for now. There are only 20 more school days left . We are out on the 30th of May this year. I will try to come down Memorial Day Weekend either the 24th of 25th. Then when Summer gets here I can see you more often if the price of gasoline doesn’t go out of sight. Its $3.49 now so it’s about $30 to drive down and back to see you.  But I am not retired yet and on a fix income [lots of laughter].  Well I will close and get this in the mail. Love you Ben PS Daisy, Buddy, Coco, and Lucky sends their love

 

5 May 2014 Monday

Times they are a-changing. I put on a movie, Walt Disney's “Shaggy Dog” for my 6th graders after having done a grueling SAGE writing assessment and when I looked up from grading papers I saw that in the dark 6 boys had put their chairs directly behind one another and they were giving themselves a chain of neck rubs and back massages. It was so cute and innocent and sad to think in a few years this will be impossible to do because of society's stigma. I had never seen this before in my 27 years of teaching and it was fascinating to watch this fleeting moment of boyhood friendships.

 

I must say, however, pretty Sebastian really seemed to be into giving back rubs. Such a different world we live in then when I was a child where boys could only fight one another.

 

6 May 2014 Tuesday

I Just got home from a writer workshop for Art Access. It was 2 and 1/2 hours of raw emotions with Gay people telling their stories... There was a cute man there named Kelly Albrecht that kept making eye contact with me... It brought back sweet memories of being pursued but there's no fool like an old fool. They’re writing songs of love but not for me.

 

7 May 2014 Wednesday

I asked by 6th graders what was the largest country in the world and this girl shouts out Seattle!!! So proud. The sad thing is that since Social Studies is not tested only Science Math and Language Arts are, kids are growing up with no concept of geography, history, or civics... The humanities and arts are a thing of the past in elementary school... You can thank the business men who run this state.

 

I am worried about the little Magpie Chick... They don't fly right away when pushed out of their nests... But just sit there… a sitting duck for the dogs but so far they are being left alone

 

8 May 2014 Thursday

Funny what remains in your subconscious...I haven't attended a Mormon church service since 1985 nearly 30 years ago and yet I dreamed I was at a big Stake Conference where the presiding authority kept being interrupted and shouted down by another high priest arguing with him... The conflict made me walk out of the service followed my many others and as I walked by the Salt Lake Temple, it was surrounded by barbed wire but I knew I was free and on the outside... weird...Charles Lynn Frost and I were reminiscing about Affirmation and that probably triggered it

 

I watched Anthony Hopkins in the movie “Hitchcock” which I thoroughly enjoyed although it was not a critical success...Lucky snuggled with me the whole ... Such a sweet boy..

 

9 May 2914 Friday

I think school teachers are the only ones who have nightmares of being late for work... School anxieties.  It was an Indoor lunch recess because of the rain so my options are to stay in my room with hyper excited 6th graders or go to the faculty room and listen to all the women talk of babies, breast feeding, or Relief Society callings. Neither choice is a good option.

 

On Face Book I made a change to my name since everyone seems to be doing it.... I was named for my dad so I changed my tag from Ben Williams to Ben Edgar Williams… Dad was named after two uncles, Edgar Earl Danforth and Austin Edgar Williams and his grandfather who was Edgar Lewis and I have a nephew  named James Edgar Clark  and a grandnephew Kenneth with the middle name of Edgar.

 

I see that my garden out front is growing. Yay I have sprouts!!!! I hope to reap what I sow

 

Today is my 300th daily post on the Utah Stonewall Historical Society Face Book page... I started it last July and dedicated myself to posting this Day In Gay Utah History from my archives which sometimes takes 1 to 2 hours a night to post. It’s been my commitment to get my archives out into cyberspace as a gift to this great community that often doesn't realize how great they are.

 

Daniel Humphrey who now lives in Texas wrote: “You, Sir, are a queer hero.” And Al Miller said “I appreciate it. I love to read them. Helps put into perspective to realize where we have come.”

 

However Bill Poore commented: “Daniel you can leave off the hero, queer is enough. I do enjoy reading the page Ben, but you really take two hours every night to post it, wow that is a lot of work?”

 

I responded “Sometimes more when I put in a lot of photos or links to other pages... I have to put in on a blog first and then transfer it to the Face Book page... I proof it too and try to format it and if I don't think there’s enough info I research some more... but only 65 more days! Then I will post my Lambda Lore Columns but that won’t be everyday even though there's over 200 articles to post. I also keep a journal...hahaha... If not for my journals from the 1980's much Gay history would have been lost because the newspapers sure the hell wasn't keeping track of it like today.”

 

Bill Poore said, “That journal would be like Heidi Fleiss's black book.”

 

“Yes I'd be murdered if certain people knew what is in it [laughing out loud] after all we were practicing homosexuals ... People told me lots of stuff because I think they knew I would write it down.

 

Bill Poore replied, “You have got to "will it" to the queen that will pass it on for generations. Our sexual stories are becoming more and more out of place in our community. Someone needs to know the truth of where we came from.” I replied, “They would not believe it.”

 

Others comments were from Jimmy Hamamoto from Boston, “Well done,” Weston Clark who wrote “Thank you!!!!!”, and Mark Lawrence who also said, “Thank you Ben your efforts and work are appreciated.”

 

Roland Allen Holmgren, my Face book pen pals as we have never actually met wrote: “ I thank you because you bring back so many faces, names and events. While my history goes back a little later than yours, so much that has happened in your life mirrors mine. So much history would be lost if it were not for your recording of history. As equality becomes fact rather than wishes, our history must not be forgotten.”

 

Charles Lynn Frost said “A tremendous sacrifice and service. Many (myself, James Dabakis, Carol Gnade,) and many others would still like that very powerful and unique book. Perhaps upon retirement Ben?”

 

Carol Gnade wrote: “I agree Now is the time. Before history is distorted by lost memory and revisionist history. I want a complete history of those who came before us. I was in Salt Lake City at a function and went up to a man and gave him a big hug. I said, “Ben, how are you." He said, "I'm fine but I'm not Ben." He said he is mistaken for you often. I am wondering if you could tell me when the first Pride Center opened. I remember being at a meeting in the early 90's on 3rd West. That was relatively short lived. Wasn't there a group before the 90's? Curious carol.”

 

My old friend Steve Brackenbury who lives now in California commented: “I am so glad that there is a world with you in it. I love reading these and I am so appreciative of the work behind them. This is why you really deserve that lifetime achievement award. You certainly have made a difference in my life. I am looking forward to the rest. However, I think you ought to do a special edition of all the naughty bits called "Salt Lake Babylon"

 

I replied “I could do that Steve Brackenbury but you be front and centered... Or should I just have a chapter on the Sissy Boys of Spanish Fork ? What is in the water down there [laughing out loud].” He then wrote “I would be honored.”

 

10 May 2014 Saturday

It was kind of a misty day with the threat of rain. There was the most beautiful rainbow that filled the entire western sky but when I tried to take a picture my trees blocked it and it had faded by the time I could take a picture... Never saw anything like it...

 

It was fun day but busy... I made a carrot cake for Charles Frost’s birthday tomorrow and 46 cream cheese stuffed jalapeños for the SAGE Spring Soirée... Never made them before but they turned out delicious.

 

In the late afternoon I dropped off Charles’ cake because I knew tomorrow would be crazy for him and I picked Chuck Whyte up at 6:00 for the  SAGE Utah Spring Soirée which was held at The Tasting Room at 357 W 200 S in Salt Lake City. I’d say close to 100 people attended and Michael Sanders planned it although without much input from the SAGE board which ruffled feathers.

 

Brent Marrott resigned from the Board after a temper tantrum according to Charles. I wonder what I am getting myself into. I spent much the evening with Doug Lott while Charles smooshed the crowd. It was Fun to see so many old friends there. Dr. Reis was there with her partner Maggie Snyder... I feel like it's such an honor when they attend a function... How many people there though knew what a treasure they are and were to our community... I will sing their praises to the day I die.

 

The times are a changing... it took a lot of tears, struggle, and old fashion work on the part of the Stonewall Generation but our trees we planted are bearing fruit and shading the next generation... and so it goes. Al Miller commented “Dr Reis and Maggie took care of my ex's uncle before he passed and though I have never meet them in person, they will always hold a special place in my heart for their love and compassion they gave him. Wish I could have been there tonight.” Maggie Snyder wrote “Thank you Ben Williams and Al Miller for your most kind sentiments. Dr. Ries and I feel honored to have taken care of and to have known members of our community in such an intimate way when there were not so many healthcare providers available.”

 

All the magpies are safe and accounted for. I think all the chicks have taken wing.

 

11 May 2014 Sunday

It’s Charles Lynn Frosts 60th birthday. He never thought he’d live this long with a history of heart attacks in his family. It’s also Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day Mom... She was born in Shamrock Texas and when Route 66 was constructed through the Texas Panhandle they moved the house she was born in about 50 yards off the path. So hundreds of thousands drove over the spot my mother came into this world.

 

When I was a teenager my grandparents showed me the little 4 room house almost a shack that Mom was born in. I think she had a good life for most of the time her collection of stardust, which made my beautiful mom, danced on this planet.

 

Nice to see the faces of so many Face Book friends moms... It wasn't that many years ago that as Gays came out of the closet their families stayed behind... No one had families. We just had each other and we became a family...

 

So many mother hens... Auntie De, Becky Moss, Dottie S Dixon, Mother Bob, Carol Martindale, so many more... Happy Mother’s Day to all you surrogate moms of the Gay Community!

 

It’s a very cool Mother’s Day in Salt Lake City but thank God it didn’t snow like in Cedar City and Wyoming. 

 

I decided to go to Lowes and get some flowers for the veranda. Mother Day Sales are usually pretty good...well 78 dollars later, I come home with a dwarf apricot tree, 5 bags of mulch and herbs and flowers... So I think I will just mow the front yard before it rains so I did do that.

 

Then I am thinking might as well pull some weeds while the grounds damp... well a huge trash can later I am pooped but still got a truck load of flowers to plant... So I repotted all the flowers, planted the tree, blew off my deck from leaves from the rain storm, and now I am really pooped and I have a Lambda Lore column I was supposed to have written this weekend... I rested then I wrote it in the evening on our Gay community in Salt Lake City in the 1970’s.

 

Curse you Mother’s Day and your garden sales but I got my column for the Q's Gay Pride issue done in only two hours... Now too pooped to do the doggie dishes so scattered on the floor, they must remain... It sure would be nice to have someone to help me clean up [laughing out loud]...

 

12 May 2014 Monday

I went to a “Gay Writes” class tonight specifically to see a certain guy there named Kelly Albrecht who I thought was flirting with me at the Art Access Writing workshop. Charles also wanted me to go with him to it because he had kind of committed to be there.

 

The workshop is held at the City Library. [lots of laughter] I didn’t feel any attempt on Kelly’s part to connect with me so I guess I will let go of that fantasy too.

 

There’s a hard freeze warning tonight! Right after I buy $80 worth of plants yesterday... I brought in what I could and covered the pots outside with baskets and put a tarp over the tomatoes and squash plant... I fear for the farmers tonight. I hope this is the last of the hard freezes.

 

13 May 2014 Tuesday

There was a hard freeze until mid-morning ... So I guess I will keep my plants covered until I get home from work... Supposedly after May 10th the danger of freezing weather is supposed to be abated in Utah... I guess I shouldn't have put tomatoes in the ground until after Memorial Day... Fucking climate change...

 

We started our Science Testing today. We have finished the Writing and Language Arts tests already.

 

This evening Mattia Lumaca came over without Ben Anderson about 7 and took a shower downstairs. Then when I was lying in bed reading my emails and Face Book on my mini iPad, he comes up stairs naked just with a towel around his neck and starts visiting with me. I knew what he wanted but I just kept trying to ignore him. Did he expect me to jump on his dick?

 

When he wasn’t getting any more attention he then asks me if I still found him attractive and I said, “You’re married.” He was really annoying me and I guess he took the hint and left to go get Ben who was still at the movies. My world does not center around the pair of them. Eventually they came back to the house near 11 at night and the dogs of course were barking up a storm.

 

In 1989 Salt Lake City’s Gay community hosted the Desert and Mountain States Conference. I did a workshop on Building Community and Connell O'Donovan did one on the Gay and Lesbian Historical Society of Utah. Curtis Jensen performed as part of the Lovebird Act... However our evening entertainment was moved from the Marriott Hotel where the Conference was held to the Red Lion because the Utah National Guard was having a formal ball and they said that Gays and Lesbians couldn't even be in the same hotel or they would take their business somewhere else so we were pushed out. Times have changed...

 

Chuck Whyte wrote: “I remember this , like it was yesterday, okay 2 or 3 yesterdays” I responded, “It’s hard to believe it was 25 years ago now.”

 

Connell O'Donovan commented, “It was at that conference that I bought the book "Gay Spirit" - and everything changed after that!”

 

Curtis Jensen wrote: “Nancy Perez, Val Mansfield, and Matthew Landis were all involved with the organization, planning and execution of the conference. Val, Nancy and I had been working on the Desert and Mountain States Lesbian and Gay Conference for a few years . I only became a Lovebird with Greg Hardin (who also did his share of work) because I was trying to raise money for scholarships to send Utahns to the conferences in The various states.”

 

Matthew Landis said, “That was one of my only appearances as a Lovebird. I remember being approached in the bathroom at The Marriott and asked if I was a faggot by a couple of guys. Luckily, David Sharpton walked in at the right moment and saved me by saying to them, ‘Yeah, and I'm a faggot with AIDS.’ I remember being so excited as a young queer to know so many amazing people who came together to make things like the conference happen.”

 

Steve Brackenbury commented, “Wow ! Great stuff, wonderful history . Very much a LIKE.”

 

I remarked “Fearless David Sharpton... He never got to grow old ...”

 

Val Mansfield snarkily said “Gee, I must have been about 15.”

 

I asked, “Anyone have pictures of the conference? Carmen Vazquez was keynote speaker according to my journal.”

 

Nancy Perez added, “Wow, I remember that planning session when we took the visiting committee to Temple Square and got thrown out for giving a nonstandard visitor's center tour. I think someone flashed some boobs at the security guards! We got our pictures took and were escorted to the gates.”

 

14 May 2014 Wednesday

Ben Anderson and Mattia Lumaca spent the night and left early about 6:30 because they had a busy day ahead of them. I was glad not to have to entertain them.

 

Another day of SAGE testing. We finished Science. Hope they did okay. Out of my hands.

 

When I came home because I am having people over for dinner, a movie, and hot tubbing tomorrow, I did all my prep work tonight so I can just throw it in the oven tomorrow when I get home from work... So it was a very busy evening.

 

When Ben and Mattia came over about 6 they wanted me to go out to dinner with them and I said I can’t because I have too much work to do tonight.  Like I can just drop everything I am doing to be with them? .

 

.two more weeks of school then I am a free man for the summer...

 

I have been asked to speak about Gay Utah history in the 80s at the end of July up in Ogden at Tracy’s and Marilynn like last year... They are always a fun group... And grateful [laughing out loud]

 

In the news "After careful consideration, the Court finds Idaho's Marriage Laws unconstitutional. This conclusion reaffirms a longstanding maxim underlying our system of government - a state's broad authority to regulate matters of state concern does not include the power to violate an individual's protected constitutional rights." -- Judge Candy Dale in her ruling striking down Idaho's marriage ban.

 

15 May 2014 Thursday

Mattia Lumaca and Ben Anderson left this morning about 7 and thanked me for letting them stay in the guest room downstairs the past two days while their house is being painted or something. I really feel like they only call me when they want something and when we do get together its always about them. I don’t think Ben has ever done anything for me but be a taker. He use to make me laugh but those days are over.

 

My left ankle all of a sudden decided to become super tender and if I wiggle it at all it becomes painful... Didn't do a damn thing to it so why is it treating me so mean... Once I walk around it's okay but I hobble when I first get up... Oh well we all have our own problems...

 

11 more school days yay! I requested rooms for the summer at the Salt Lake City Library this morning because this is the first day they would take reservations. I wanted every Monday through July.

 

Coming right home I cleaned the house by mopping and vacuuming before popping everything the oven that needs baking. I made some Tequila chicken enchilada,  Spanish Rice, cream cheese stuffed jalapeño peppers, Pico de Gallo and a black bean corn salsa. I had everything ready by 6:30. Todd Markham and Addison Rose and Michael Aaron were the first to arrive. Todd Markham and Addison Rose drove up from Provo while Michael Aaron and J Seth Anderson and Michael Adam Ferguson hopped over from downtown to watch Cabaret on the big screen... It was sublime.

 

Todd made some Sangria that was fruity and delicious and Michael brought a bottle of wine. I think everyone enjoyed dinner and visiting before heading to the movie room to watch Cabaret  which Seth and Michael had never seen! They were the reason for the get together anyway.

 

It was a delightful evening filled with good food and a great film and a good soak in the hot tub. Todd and Addy left right after the movie because they are flying out to Orlando, Florida tomorrow but Michael Aaron, Seth and Michael and I soaked for about an hour in the hot tub.

 

Seth and Michael were such prudes they wore swimming trunks in the hot tub ha! I am sure that was Seth’s doing.  Michael Aaron and I talked about Gay Freedom Day plans and about the olden days.

 

Seth later wrote on his Face Book “Edu-gay-tion night with Ben! We are watching Cabaret. (Confession-I've never seen it.)”

 

16 May 2014 Friday

After the kids left Liz Beck called a faculty meeting about field day and we learned that we won't have free breakfast anymore for the students at our Title One school because the Food Services can't afford it. We have millions to spend on destroying Utah families because they aren't traditional, we have millions to give as tax breaks to large corporations, we have tens of thousands to kill wolves but we don't have money to feed hungry kids... Utah true family values don't value families.

 

 Title one schools are poverty schools ... Lots of minimum wage earners out of work parents... Etc... Hard to teach kids who are hungry ... I agree that parents should feed kids breakfast but that is not reality always ... Parents leave for work before some kids get up... The point is we have the resources to make sure no child goes hungry but we don't have that as a priority ...Two years ago I had a boy crying because his father lost his job and he was afraid of going hungry....

 

I came home early and rested a bit after yesterday’s big party and cleaned up the kitchen a little. Otherwise didn’t do much else.

 

Michael Aaron wrote in the Q “Utah Pride Center board meeting to present financials- At the next Utah Pride Center board meeting, which is open to the public, the findings of a recent audit will be presented. The Center laid off or cut salaries of all employees back in October and had hoped to make their financials available to the public months ago but determined that waiting for a complete audit was more prudent.

 

The meeting will take place this Monday, May 19 at 6 p.m. at the Utah Pride Center offices, 255 E. 4th South.”

 

Hmmm 6 months after they were promised by John Netto... they must have been far worse than we thought! I am not going nor am I going to Pride this year even though Jon Jepsen sent an email to come get the free tickets.

 

17 May 2014 Saturday

I was up at 6:00 this morning because Buddy wanted his morning treat so I got up fixed coffee and a breakfast of biscuits, and hash browns with diced peppers and ham and eggs. It was tasty and shared my biscuits with the hounds.

 

Then I spent much of the morning catching up on my journal which is easy to lose track of but I can always pull things off Face Book. The Gay kid next-door to Mike Romero, my ex's townhouse, got his townhouse reprocessed and he planted tons of all kinds of perennial plants everywhere  so rather than see them all die for lack of water, I went and got starts off of lots of them and spent the rest of the day planting them in my back yard south of the deck.

 

I also built a twig and branch fence out of all the litter from the globe willows to keep the dogs (ok just Daisy) from tramping them all... So I am pooped but the faerie farmer in me is happy. I know why God planted a garden.

 

I had to go back over to Mike’s when I realize I lost my reading glasses over there. They had fallen off my head while digging up plants. So I paid him for this month’s phone bill and got a few more plants. That’s about all I did today but how good it is to rest beneath the trees you planted and listen to the birds sing songs of joy and redemption.

 

 I asked Charles Frost if he wanted to hot tub tomorrow before going to SAGE but he said he had a sinus infection and Sunday is going to be a really busy day for him.  I wrote him back “Sinus infections are painful I hope it clears up soon... I have been working my butt off in the back yard... Planted a new flower garden... I only have 9 more work days... Yay are you going to the Pride board. Meeting Monday? I am not... Don't trust them don't like them don't think they care what the community thinks... I will talk to you tomorrow... I have pain pills left over from my bursitis in my leg if you are hurting”.

 

 He replied “Thanks. I am not going either! I have no trust for them either. Bring the pills to SAGE, in case I'm still without antibiotics. How was your movie night? I saw your Transplant garden and stick fence. Cute. I "liked" it. I'm over this queer community. Ready to leave it altogether soon.”

 

The only hope for Gay people and their children from the  tyranny of The Mormon establishment in Utah will be from the Federal Government ... The Utah Supreme Court sided with the Mormon Attorney General  to stay adoptions by legally married Gay people... The court is packed with BYU alumni who are supporting the Mormon Church's 50 year War against Homosexuals. Another disgraceful splotch on Utah’s already stained history against human rights.  Chief Justice Matthew B. Durrant BYU alumnus, Christine M Durham BYU alumnus, Thomas Rex Lee son of former BYU president, Ronald E. Nehring non Mormon, Jill N. Parrish Unknown. Really an impartial group right? I'd like to know how each decided but Tribute doesn't say

 

18 May 2014 Sunday

I woke up early for some reason about 5:45 so just got up and emptied the dish washer and cleaned up the kitchen some. Then I made Pancakes and ham for breakfast and sharing it with the hounds. It’s our Sunday tradition.

 

 I worked on the computer until about 10 this morning and then mowed the front yard. Then I went down to Smith’s to get some dog food and my insulin however my insurance said I couldn’t have a refill until tomorrow. So I just had them fill it to pick up tomorrow.

 

I bought some groceries and they are really trying to update this Smith’s. It’s about time it was getting rather shabby and it is the only real market in Rose Park.  Food Savers really isn’t that inexpensive anymore and Rancho Market is a Mexican Store.

 

I saw that gas for unleaded is almost at $3.60 again. Oh well I will be out of school soon and I am not planning any trips except to see Kyle.

 

After putting groceries away  I went to work in the back yard picking up old piles of leaves and branches so I could mow. So it was another busy day in the back yard but it’s starting to look good again. Still lots I could do but one day at a time. Better than it looked last weekend for sure.

 

I called John Reeves back in Boston about 4 o’clock because it was his 81st birthday. He was spending it alone because Jimmy is up in Canada for some Faerie gathering. We had a good long talk. I guess he is finally getting ready to retire. Ha! I will be dead by the time I am his age.

 

At 6 this evening, I went to the SAGE Board Meeting that was right by my place just across the street from the Rose Park Library at that Retirement Community.

 

19 May 2014 Monday

It’s the last full week of school and I took the 6th graders out to play against the 5th graders in kickball. They had fun and it was good for them to unwind after two weeks of testing.

 

After school I went and bought some groceries and picked up some insulin. For dinner I ate a baked potato smothered with mushrooms, onions sour cream and butter. I hadn’t had one in a very long time.

 

I ended talking to Charles Frost this late afternoon for about an hour. He’s still sick with a sinus infection. We both decided not to go to the Pride Center’s Board meeting about their finances. I said I don’t trust them one iota to tell the truth.

 

I finally got a confirmation on reserving a room at the City Library for a Summer History series. But SAGE never got back with me if they wanted to be a sponsor before I had to send an ad off to Michael Aaron to get it in the Pride Issue.

 

A Federal Judge said that Utah must recognize the marriages performed on December and January but he put a 21 day stay on it. Oregon has Gay Marriage now.

 

20 May 2014 Tuesday

We took a field trip to the IMAX theater in Centerville to see a 3D film on the international space station... The Kids enjoyed it and they all got free popcorn and a drink! We were back in time for lunch ... Tayten Baker and Dustin Khong were waltzing with each other while in line ha!... Is school out yet?

 

I created an event on Face Book called the Utah Stonewall Historical Society’s Sizzling Summer Series for the last Monday in June and every Monday in July

 

21 May 2014 Wednesday

Evidently there's a hunger for history in this community... I posted an event for the Utah Stonewall Historical Society for a series of talks this summer and on the first day 25 people signed up and the meeting room at the City Library can only accommodate 35 which when I requested a room I thought that was optimistic... 10 years ago we were lucky to get a dozen people to come to these events...

 

This year marks 45 years from the Stonewall uprising.

 

 I heard from Charles Frost that Megan Risbon had another blow up with John Netto and quit as the director of the Pride Festival which is only about 2 weeks away. Straight people.

 

22 May 2014 Thursday

Levon Mirakyan called me about 8:00 this evening fighting with Dave Robinson again and wanted to spend the night so I went into the city and picked him up and brought him home. We talked a little but I went to bed at 10 in the evening but when I got up to pee at midnight I saw that he was still up.

 

23 May 2014 Friday

Attendance for The Utah Stonewall Historical Society's Sizzling Summer Series June 30th date is now closed... It filled fast in 2 days. So far I have Connell O’Donovan Confirmed as a July 21st speaker and I have Douglas Cartier and Marty a Pollack confirmed to talk on the early days of the Royal Court but date is not yet set... Other speakers not confirmed yet except for me [laughing out loud]

 

 

 

24 May 2014 Saturday

I woke to a misty overcast day…It rained a little but mostly it’s Seattle weather, cool and overcast. Since it was forecast to be like this all day,  there went any plans to work in the yard but that is just as well I suppose.

 

I fixed some breakfast of ham and pancakes and worked on the computer some and also looked at face book.  My Summer History series has 36 people signed up and only 35 can attend according to the size of the room but there are always some people who won’t show.

 

I went out and hot tubbed this morning while it was misty. That was pleasant hearing the happy birds chirping.

 

Stephan Bolinder said he was done early at his last grooming appointment so he came over at 12:30 to start on the dogs instead of 2:00  I think he will need a machete or sheep shears ... they have gotten so Woolley ... I keep telling people that Lucky isn't fat just fluffy... I hope I am right... Coco, Daisy, Buddy, and then Lucky were all groomed in that order...

 

Even with Stephen’s great deal it gets pricey grooming all the kids but at least I don't have to buy shoes for them [laughing out loud] Well $160 later they look pretty good although Lucky was giving Stephen a hard time trying to bite him.  I think he thought I was giving him away.

 

 I watched “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter” tonight... Wow I had no idea that Mary Todd used the Underground Railroad to deliver silver to the union army so they could defeat the Confederacy's vampire Army which Jefferson Davis enlisted at Gettysburg. Pretty cool when Mary Todd shot the vampiress who killed her son Willie Lincoln... Too bad Lincoln's boyfriend Joshua Steed was killed by the vampires but at least he saved Lincoln...things they don't teach you in school! Sheesh!

 

25 May 2014 Sunday

I am exhausted from working in the high noon sun, laying down mulch in the front yard planter boxes and moving rocks and flat stone in front of them to keeps kids kicking mulch all over my sidewalk...No prisoner has moved as many stones as I have over the 18 years I've lived on this place...every tree, every bush, every flower, every blade of grass I planted myself and made them grow in this River bottom clay...

 

My tomatoes, cukes, and squash are all thriving... Give me 40 acres and a mule and scatter my ashes in the compost...

 

 I was supposed to go over to Brandon Burt’s for a BBQ but Kyle Daniels wanted to come over to hot tub since Alan Anderson was heading off to the 39th Coronation of the Royal Court at the Red Lion. He had been flirting with me on Face Book and we sat in the hot tub for two hours talking about the community and such. Found out he even went to Guatemala with the girl who student taught with Mrs. Everson. What a small world.

 

He then opened up about how he and Alan don’t have sex anymore and I know that feeling with Mike Romero, although he still loves Alan and wants to stay with him. I could understand that.

 

26 May 2014 Monday Memorial Day

The alarm went off at 6 this morning because I forgot to shut it off. The hounds wanted their treats so  I gave them their hot dogs and went back to bed and slept in until 7:30 which is late for me.

 

I fixed some pancakes and then checked Face Book and put this Day In Gay Utah History on line. I also created events for the rest of the Utah Stonewall Historical Society’s lecture series.

 

I was tired of people dragging their feet and committing to a date so I gave July 7th to Seth Anderson, the 14th to Marty Pollack and Doug Tollstrup Cartier  to talk about the Royal Court, the 21st is Connell O’Donovan’s. He will talk about early Mormon History and the 28th I left open but if I don’t find someone to speak I will do it on our Gay Rights struggle.

 

I finally went out about noon to tackle the south parking strip. The grass and weeds had grown in some places 18 inches or more! What a chore and it was hot. If it’s this hot already what will Summer be like? I am wiped just from mowing the front yard and side yard... Only thing that's gonna thrive this year is weeds without a major water bill and almost all my plants are drought tolerant perennials... Think I will turn the hot tub into a cooling pool for the summer ha!

 

Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday and the unofficial beginning of Summer!

 

I fed the dogs a boneless chicken thigh and some dry food. As summer kicks in I need to start reducing their and my calories.

 

27 May 2014 Tuesday

The anticipated and dreaded last week of school where we babysit in Elementary school has finally arrived... Sixth graders know grades are all done and they are so over elementary school... So four days of trying to keep them occupied because they sure the hell won't do any more school work...

 

Field day was today where I walk them a mile over to the Bountiful Rec Center to swim. Tomorrow I am having a Pizza party for the kids working hard on their Sage exams. Thursday is the auction and Friday finally 6th grade graduation... I am already exhausted [laughing out loud]...

 

I survived today barely, but my legs are wobbly from just walking 2 miles keeping up with 6th graders in this heat walking to and back from the Bountiful Rec Center where the kids went swimming...

 

My 6th grade colleague Mrs. Everson found out her father is on his death bed so she left frantic from the center and I took over her class... I might have to do the 6th grade graduation on Friday by myself...but only 3 more days then I can collapse...

 

 I had some of these kids for 2 years in 5th and 6th grades and I really am going to miss them... Many of these kids interact with me more than their own parents... Nice kids.

 

Charles Frost and I talked this evening. I guess Megan Risbon quit the Pride Center, entirely. It will be interesting to see how the Pride Center spins their latest debacle just weeks before the festivals.

 

28 May 2014 Wednesday

So little I can do with the kids now so put on a movie and let the kids do what they want. They aren’t dumb. They know it’s over.

 

Warm day in the classroom...the days are starting to heat up again...had my students move their desk and chairs to my new classroom for next year...went and bought 5 pizzas and two gallons of punch for our pizza party...lunch lady was pissed because I forgot to tell her we weren't eating school lunch...took the kids out and played kickball to fill the day...I stayed late at school fixing graduation certificates because my coworker had the wrong year on them.

 

She took off for the rest of the week because her father died so I guess the graduation program will be my baby... Good times...

 

After school spent 20 dollars on water guns and other junk for my class auction tomorrow...is it too early to go to bed?

 

I saw an organic recipe for a weed killer on Face Book. I gallon vinegar, 2 cups Epson salt and ¼ cup blue dawn dish soap. I am going to try it and see if it works. Also saw that wrapping the stem of bananas in plastic helps them last longer. I need to try that too.

 

29 May 2014 Thursday

I had my last auction for the kids and even auctioned off the old Diplomacy bed sheet map I made more than 15 years ago. I won’t need it anymore. Had the kids start hauling desks to my new room. Tomorrow is the big graduation days. Many of these kids I will miss but then they will just become part of the mass of kids I taught over the years.

 

 If you grew up in Southern California like I did in the 1950s and 1960s there were lots of cartoon shows for right after school let out... My favorite was Skipper Franks Popeye Show... With his sailor cap and tight tee shirts Tom Hatton was my first Preteen crush... What a hunk... No wonder I had no time for sports ... Tom Hatton was an artist too...

 

Flash back Thursday- In Junior High and High School I hated PE. I was always blamed when my team lost, always last picked, and always put in right field as if I could ever throw that far!

 

Dad took me in the backyard once in 5th grade to teach me to catch and throw a ball... He was so frustrated and kept yelling at me...I retorted "Rome wasn't built in day" which really showed where my real interest was .... not in playing sports and Dad got so mad he yelled "at least they tried!" Lol That was my dad and mine only "bonding moment" and I think mom put him up to it... poor dad what to do with a sissy? He was so embarrassed by his artistic boy.

 

Well well well. Megan Risbon resigned today from the Pride Festival and Well well well... Nikki Boyer is back? When did that happen ? Didn't everything go to crap at the center under her watch? I hope people enjoy pride but as I've always said Pride is more than a party. The Gay Community should be more than an ATM machine...

 

30 May 2014 Friday

Up for most of the night worrying about the little details of the 6th grade graduation that dropped on me to do unexpectedly. Then I said to myself ...it's just a 6th grade graduation [laughing out loud] say goodbye and send them off to a summer of going to Lagoon!

 

It takes about a week to recover from the last week of elementary school.... But I made it! Yay! Teaching is such a seasonal profession... You plant your crops in the fall nurture them all through the winter and in the Spring you harvest them and then start the cycle all over again...

 

Graduation went without a hitch... I hugged my kids and sent them on their way to New adventures... 25 more minutes and I can send the four girls who didn't go home with their parents, home themselves then I can officially close out the school year of 2013 - 2014...

 

I would certainly like to know who the Pride Center considers a VIP... Is it based on service and merit or how fat your wallet is? Until last year when Valarie Larabee and Nikki Boyer made the decision to exclude the Dr. Kristen Ries recipients from the VIP viewing booth and only to have them sit in the Garden Area...why? because they were afraid the recipients might eat some of their cheesy hors d'oeuvres and drink their cheap wine and hobnob with nouveau riche.

 

So the people who built this community, struggled for our human rights are not considered Very Important People? I can tell you right now Dr. Kristen Ries is more of a VIP than any one who can throw money at the Pride Center. Kind of tells you their values.

 

The miracle of the universe is that we are “sentient, carbon based, mud” and we get to get up look up at the sky and dance... We should be grateful for as long as it last until we return to our stardust home

 

31 May 2014 Saturday

My steps up into the house is the color of purple from the clematis vine and my veggie garden is raring to go... I will have squash, Cukes, and tomatoes by July. I know Wildflowers do not care where they grow but I’m happy when they stay awhile in my yard  in the Great Basin Desert.

 

It was a busy day. At Discount Tires I bought two new front wheel tires... Safety first ... Then went to save the Tribune Rally at 1 but after looking at the paper here at the tire store, there's not much left to save... Pretty thin compared to the old days.

 

I went to the Save the Tribune Rally at Washington Square and about 200 people or more were gathered on the west side of the building. Troy Williams has a gift of rousing a crowd but then everyone one there were true believers.

 

Joan O'Brian spoke a little about how the conspiracy to destroy the Tribune came about...Peg McEntee was shaking like a leaf speaking about what the Tribune means to the community. I was never so proud of James Dabakis as I was today telling it like it is and pulling back no punches... I can’t imagine living in Utah with only the Deseret News as a newspaper source.

 

I signed the petition for an investigation by the justice department because what the Deseret News is doing is un-American.

 

JUNE

1 June 2014 Sunday

I decided I needed to go see Kyle Foote and asked Bill Poore if he wanted to take a day trip because he had been bugging me to go down with me some time. It was kind of a smoky day which kind of surprised me since there were no fires any way but his company made the time go faster.

 

Anyway when I went inside the facility I was stunned to find they wouldn’t let me see Kyle because my visitation application had expired! No one ever told me that you had to apply annually. I was so disappointed that I nearly wept. Bill could tell that I was really shook up.

 

But what can you do so we drove over to Manti and came home by way of Hwy 89 and Route 6. We even stopped at the cemetery in Spring City and came upon Orson Hyde’s grave. I think Bill enjoyed himself because he had relatives from that part of Utah.

 

I drove the entire way and was home from a 300 mile day trip by 6:00.  We did get to see little Mormon villages like Spring City and Manti. But I am Tired... No wonder I don't travel anymore...

 

Before taking off Bill noticed that my front tires were worn and we looked and they put my new tires I bought yesterday on the back when I specifically told them I wanted new tires on the front because the back was still good... So now I have new tires on the back. I bet they threw out the tires that were there... Ugh now I have to back tomorrow and see what they are going to do about it.

 

2 June 2014 Monday

I went into work at 8 in the morning and worked until 1p.m. when I left to go have some lunch with Charles Frost at China Star here in Bountiful. Liz Beck was frantic because I hadn’t put in my reading dibble scores but I had Adell show me how and I got all that done this morning before cleaning up my new room so I could bring stuff down from the old room.

 

Jeny Peterson gave me a huge bag of IAM dog food this morning because she said her husband put down their 13 year old dog today.  That was sad but she was ready and had pancreatic problems and I know what that did to Smokey.

 

I had a nice long talk and visit with Charles Frost and he told me a story he had kept confidential since Moab Pride last fall. He said that coming home Meagan Risbon and Jesse Nix and this black trick of his were all riding together and in Spanish Fork Canyon Jesse got pulled over for doing 90 miles per hour by a Utah County Sheriff.  They were shitting bricks because of all the pot and cocaine they had stashed in their suitcases from partying the whole weekend.

 

Risbon agreed to take the rap and say all the drugs were hers and she was arrested and in jail but released on her own recognizance. Jesse is a lawyer and his arrest record for drugs may have ended his career so instead he acted as lawyer for Meagan and paid her hefty fine so she wouldn’t have to go to jail. But now she has a record and Jesse is indebted to her.   No wonder the Pride Center is going to shit.

 

After lunch I went back to Washington Elementary but the district people were there doing some major plumbing in the ceiling and most everyone else went home but I did work about six hours at school...did I mention it was for free? No need to thank me tax payers of Utah... Moving files, desks, tables, chairs ... I am pooped... But quiet and peaceful with the kids gone...

 

I'll go into tomorrow and hopefully get it all done so I won't have to come back until August...and for you who grip “well you get the summers off”... Yes without pay... Teachers are on a strict 180 day contract ... We are not even paid for Christmas...and we are still only paid once a month... I wonder if I can take this $300 I should be making as a charitable donation [laughing out loud].

 

I watered my front and back garden but my ear really started feeling sore in the evening.

 

I signed a petition to have the board of directors of the center removed. [lots of laughter]

 

I wrote Kyle a letter still feeling bummed by how I was treated Sunday. “Dear Kyle, I am having a hard time writing this so this will probably be a short letter. I drove down Sunday June 1st to see you but when I went to check in they said that you had no people on your list of visitors. I was sure they were wrong and I said I had come down several times even just last April. Then they told me that my application had expired. I said what do you mean? And I was told that the forms are only good for a year and that mine had expired April 30th!  No one told me last April that my application was about to expire, no one emailed me or sent me a letter.  How could I have known?

 

It was almost an act of cruelty to have anyone, not just me drive two hours from Salt Lake just to be turned away.  Who is being punished? I left very sad and frustrated but I wanted you to know I tried.

 

They did give me another form which I couldn’t fill out there but had to be mailed in so it may be several weeks before they will let me see you again.

 

At home I contacted Senator Jim Dabakis and let him know that this arbitrary policy seems to hurt people who drive great distances to seem friends and loved ones who are inmate. It seems to me that the visitation agreement should be in place as long as for the sentence of the inmate or he ask for an update. If there was a valid reason to limit the visitation rights to a year it should be stated.

 

Jim said he would send a letter to the director and he is on the budget appropriation committee.  People who I told this too said it just seemed cruel. The person at the desk was nice and sympathetic and just following policy but that doesn’t change the fact that people spend time and money to travel great distances to visit for just two hours.

 

I don’t know if you are even getting all my letters. I wrote you a long one at the beginning of May and your one written over Memorial Day didn’t mention anything in it or commenting on what I wrote.

 

I am pretty sure I do not have any of your biology books. Let me know what you need and I will see if I can find used ones. I will keep this short and hope to see you sometime when you get the letter and they approve an old school teacher again.

 

I am pretty bummed. Love You

 

 

 

3 June 2014 Tuesday

Today is my mom’s 85th birthday if she were still alive. It’s 83 degrees outside but it feels much warmer than that and especially in the house. I had a very restless sleep and a severe pain in my ear so I went to Instant care this morning and the doctor there said my ear canal was all inflamed and I have what they call swimmers ear. All I know is that it really hurts.

 

I didn’t feel like doing much at school although I did go in for about an hour before the clinic opened at 9. I didn’t see a soul there at Washington.

 

So after seeing the doctor I went to Smiths and picked up some anti-biotic drops and cream for a rash I also have on my right leg. I bought some more chicken for the hounds too.

 

Other than that I just looked at Face Book, down loaded naked pictures of men from WWII and tried to sleep some but it’s awfully warm.

 

I finally got around to mailing off the visitation application again and the quick letter I wrote yesterday to Kyle Foote. Just feeling kind of blah.

 

4 June 2014 Wednesday

Feeling a little better...antibiotics must be kicking in and the pain pills are working too...

 

            Signed up to volunteer for the Restore Our Humanity Family Carnival on the 14th...I am sure they can use some more help...

 

Hurray for Oregon, the Supreme Court refused a stay. It's about over folks ... You can only deny freedom to millions of people for only so long...

 

I spent much of the morning and afternoon editing and finishing up my "intersection" writing project for Charles Lynn Frost's art access project that's due on the 6th. I couldn't find my story in any of my files so I dug through my back seat of the PT Cruiser for the copy I thought was still there and it was... I have a very unique filing system.

 

But I had to re-enter it all but I think it's better because I have an ending that ties in better with the beginning.

 

In the afternoon Kyle Daniels came over to fool around. He says that Alan Anderson has given his tacit approval since they don’t have sex anymore and haven’t for three years but they are still emotionally bonded. Kyle is 27 years old. The same age Jeff workman was when we were together but I am 20 years older than I was when I was with Jeff.

 

5 June 2014 Thursday

 

My Voodoo Lily, also known as the Devils Tongue or Corpse Flower because it smells like rotten meat, is in full bloom... It Blooms once then the whole plant dies... It's a rare exotic plant and I have one because sweet Betsy Larson the little old gal from Magna gave it to me.

 

Done with school for the summer... I went in around noon and worked until 3:30 but finally got all my stuff out of room 20 and LaRae can do what the hell she wants with it. She was not a bad person to work with but everything has to be her way. But now I don't need to go back and put up my room until August... Yay!

 

But my ear is still plugged and sore so may have to go see the doctors again tomorrow. I wonder if I have an infected tooth or root because they can cause something similar to an ear ache.

 

 Ms. Camille Meriwether used to be a dental hygienist and she said what I have is also symptomatic of a dental infection.

 

6 June 2014 Friday

I worked almost all day on my story for Charles Frost Intersection Art Access class editing and re-tweaking all day. But I am done finally and sent it off. My title is A Queer Redemption.

 

Kyle Daniels came over about 7this evening after Alan Anderson went to the Grand Marshal Reception at the Pride Grounds. We watched the most awful straight romance movie, that even with Zac Efron in it, was unredeemable.  I think it’s called That Awkward Moment.

 

Today is the 70th anniversary of D-Day the land in Normandy. What brave people my father’s generation were.

 

7 June 2014 Saturday

I haven’t done a blame thing this morning except to go get some groceries early and then make comments on Face book about Salt Lake City’s Pride Weekend on Michael Ferguson’s page.

 

My ear seems to be better or a little better but I need to make an appointment to see the dentist Charles Frost recommended.

 

I’ve got my big fans going and they really seem to help cool down the house. I tried to go out to breakfast with Chuck Whyte this morning but he was still a sleep so I guess we will go to the Sun/Trapp this evening to see Chevy Bolinder have his investitures as “the Sisters” formally become a Salt Lake City chapter tonight.

 

It still hasn't kicked in that I am on Summer Vacation schedule...It’s still like I have to do all my chores on Saturdays...[lots of laughter] I hear people mowing their lawns and I think I better get out and work in the yard and then my right side of my brain says tomorrow I'll mow you tomorrow... You're only a day away... See there is a musical for every occasion... I feel sad for Gays that haven't memorized their show tunes... it’s like straight people not knowing their math facts.

 

So have a wonderful Salt Lake City Pride Weekend everyone... don't forget to patronize the BBQs at our bars too and drink sensibly as well as attending Pride Day events... And remember Pride is more than a party or a weekend...be proud of your struggle all year round. We are marvelous, fabulous, glamorous, witty, sometimes petulant folk... Go out and make something pretty! Oh Mary!

 

8 June 2014 Sunday

It couldn’t have been a better day for a Pride Parade. Beautiful weather. The Plaintiffs in the Kitchen vs. Herbert Case were the Grand marshals and from all the pictures on Face book everyone was having a wonderful time. I hope everyone had a fantastic Pride weekend and celebrated in their own way. However I decided to stay home and enjoy the memories of Gay Pride Days past.

 

This afternoon I finally made my planter garden box for the front yard after mowing the law. I have to dig a trench and make it level but one thing at a time.

 

Bill Poore came over this evening to watch the Tonys and I bought a pizza and baked a pie. I am not really into Broadway shows unless they are musicals and Bill only likes the dramas and not the musicals. I thought Hugh Jackman was being silly hopping around but the rest of the evening wasn’t bad and was very Gay. It was really interesting to listen to Bill tell his Broadway stories. I topped the evening off drinking fuzzy navels.

 

9 June 2014 Monday

I had a great visit with Charles Frost today for lunch at Whole Foods as well as having Kyle Daniels come over to plan a roof over my hot tub... Because I had gone out with Charles,  Kyle didn’t come over until almost 3… We were going to go to Lowes and get a estimate on material but because it was almost time to take Coco home we just went down stairs and fucked.

 

I learned from Kyle who marched with Mormons Building Bridges that the husband of one of the organizers was the one who on Sundays MoTab used the selection of "Somewhere over the Rainbow". It was no coincidence. I love subversives.

 

I watched Jack and the Bean Stalk with Lou Costello before going to bed. It is so cheesy but I love it.

 

10 June 2014 Tuesday’

 

I made an appointment to see a dentist that Charles had recommended for 12:30 tomorrow. I think it’s been a year since I’ve been to a dentist.

 

It’s too hot to do any more outside work but I got my third planter box in and as level as its gonna get [lots of laughter] I will get the soil and manure this evening and fill it in when its cooler this evening.

 

I feel like I am starting a community garden with tomatoes, cuke, summer squash all going like gang busters... I will probably plant green beans and winter squash in the 3rd box...

 

I am listening to the “March of the Falsettos”... It’s one of my very favorite Musical next to Falsettoland.

 

Yesterday some right wing idiots murdered two police officers in Las Vegas. They had been seen at the Clive Bundy Ranch. They were married so why is it that cop killing, domestic terrorists can marry but I and millions of other peace abiding taxpaying Americans cannot because it offends the religious right that breeds the hate on which people like the Millers feed? Is opposite naughty bits the only qualification for marriage or should it be love?

 

The Radical Right's hatred is fueled by the Kochs Brother's Tea Party and their racism against a black President and armed by the NRA... When did America go insane? Was it Bush stealing the election from Gore? Can you imagine an America where McCain and Palin were in the Executive Branch of the Government? Or a Romney? And today there is another school shooting in Oregon by some Mormon kid! America has gone mad.  Only good news is that Eric Cantor the asshat from Virginia lost his Republican Primary to some Tea Party Idiot.

 

11 June 2014 Wednesday

At CJs for breakfast with Kyle G. Daniels and then to Lowes to price material for a roof over the deck... Then we came home and fucked.

 

Able to get in to see a dentist Charles Lynn Frost recommended so will have pearly teeth after 12:30 [laughing out loud] ...

 

Thoughts are with Deb Rosenberg as she does one of the hardest things a pet owner can do today.

 

While looking at Wikipedia on Utah Gay Pride Days I was disappointed that hardly any of this is accurate...Gay Pride days began in 1974 the community council took over Pride Days in 1987 as a subcommittee not an Inc...pride day was annexed by the community center in 2002 and has ran pride from 2003 onward... Too bad no one thought to ask me before creating this page...it's embarrassing ...

 

 

 

12 June 2013 Thursday

I felt my bed shutter and Lucky popped his head up but the last time I posted that I felt an earthquake I was wrong. Anyone else feel it too...It was a mild temblor but I know I felt something. I grew up in Southern California and was there for the big 1971 San Fernando Quake.

 

 I've got 16 bags, nearly 300 lbs., of top soil and manure to unload from the truck....life is nothing but a funny funny riddle...thank God I'm a country boy...

 

It's hot already...I better wear a neckerchief ... Don't want to turn into a red neck...I got winter squash, lettuce, beans and sunflowers to plant... Where's my 40 acres and a mule? I need a baby goat and some chickens...

 

The evening is winding down and the gang is at my feet or in my lap... Simple pleasures... I wish everyone was as rich as me

 

The dilemma in Utah's struggle for Civil Rights is that the Theocracy truly make all the cultural decisions and many of the political decisions for "Deseret: The Kingdom of God".  Many of those in the highest echelon of authority thought and still think, probably, that Martin Luther King Jr was a communist and homosexuals are pawns of Lucifer to destroy the Priesthood. That is one of the reasons it took so long to get MLK birthday recognized in this state and why there's been a protracted and expensive War Against Gays. T

 

The LDS Church does not lead, it carefully and painfully creeps forward with the death of each of its senior officers. However as long as the Corporations account books don't take a hit. All Is Well. All Is Well.

 

13 June 2013 Friday

It’s a full moon and Friday the 13th… doesn’t happen very often.

 

Getting old is like a comedy act... I got all the soil in my new planting bed spread out when I leaned on the boards and one raised up and smacked me in the arm making me fall on my butt...I have a bump on my forearm but glad it didn't break it...

 

Kyle G. Daniels came over this morning and we got the measurements for the lean-to roof for the hot tub... Then I went to R & R BBQ to have lunch with Kyle and Alan Anderson... Great place and I loved the fried okra...I'd go just for that... Summer time and the living is easy

 

I had a nice evening with Alan Anderson and Kyle G. Daniels watching The Ritz in the movie room on the big screen. Neither one had ever seen it before...Shocking [lots of laughter]. Had some Sangria so it’s now beddy bye time...All you young'un heading out to the bars have fun and boogie the night away... Time for geezers like me to be in bed

14 June 2014 Saturday

 

Schnauzers are so bossy. They all were saying they wanted pancakes this morning and I said it’s not Sunday and they kept barking at me saying we want pancakes we want pancakes we want pancakes.. So this morning we had pancakes and sausage. I hope they know they aren't getting pancakes and sausage tomorrow...

 

I planted some beans, winter squash, and lettuce this morning in my new garden bed after working on this “Day in Gay Utah History” all morning. After that I got ready to head over to Sugar House Park for the “Family Fun Carnival” that Restore Our Humanity put on today. It was thanks to Amy Barry, Bob Henline, Mark Lawrence, and Matt Spencer for all their hard work organizing the Family Fun Carnival for Restore Our Humanity.  It was nicely done and lots of people with children were having fun...I saw a lot of community people there having a good time in the park too.

 

The Dogs had ground hamburger with pasta and IAM for supper. I had buttered noodles with chicken and Greek cheese... Now that I am drinking Real Sangria...I should be passed out soon.

 

Well I am up from my alcohol induced nap and after taking a 20 minute hot tub dip I am a new man... Well as new as a 63 year old man can be I suppose... Perfect weather for sleeping, hot tubbing, or any myriad of summer time things to do...

 

I hope the Gays who want to get married and have kids had a great time at the Family Fun Carnival and the Gays who like to dress up and mix with the swells are having a great time in their tuxedoes at the Human Rights Coalition’s $200 a ticket soiree...and the Gays, that are just going to the bars and dancing their asses off are hopefully getting lucky and laid.  Diversity...Ain't it grand?

 

15 June 2014 Sunday

I had a nice time visiting with Charles Frost and Doug Lott with his family at Sugar House Park for Father's Day... It was a beautiful day in the park but came home to get ready for movie night.

 

Casey Kasem is dead at 82. RIP. I listened to him for years talking about  America’s Top Hits. He introduced me to so many singers and groups. I used to always write down what songs were popular that week but I couldn’t tell you anything about today’s music.

 

16 June 2014 Monday

Today is my Grandma Johnson’s 115th birthday. Only 5 days late, I finally turned in my Lambda Lore Column "How real is our sense of GLBT history in this community?" I am tuckered out cranking that sucker out in two hours...I was surprised that the column was online by the evening.  I should not wait to the very last minute to write a column...no time to edit and proof [laughing out loud] ...kind of disjointed ... Happens when you got nothing but need to produce something.

 

            Kyle Daniels came over about 7 this evening and I fed him a taco salad and then we went and watched “Long Time Companion”. He had never seen it. I know he was wanting to fuck before his flight took off but I was not in the mood and it was late.

 

We were surprised that it was raining really hard when we left at 11:30 to get him down to the airport for his red eye flight to Miami where he will stay a week.

 

I heard on the grapevine that the Metro Bar is moving next to the Suntrapp where the old Trapp Door was.

 

Wrote this on Face book- “Anyone wishing to know about theocratic capital punishment in early Utah history...I've started putting my research on line as a blog.”

 

17 June 2014 Tuesday

Rainy Days and Tuesdays always get me down... Good day to stay in bed and cuddle with the hounds and read Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series.

 

The temperature was in the 40’s today, snow in the mountains and lots of soaking rain down here. We really needed it. But it made for a lazy indoor day.

 

I just finished number 20 of the Stephanie Plum series and have read everyone from the beginning... Addicted to Lula and Grandma.

 

I wrote Kyle Foote: Dear Kyle, It’s been over two weeks since I went down to see you and still have not heard anything back whether I am approved or not.  Have they contacted you yet?

 

      I have been sort of busy with projects since schools been out but today it’s been really rainy a good soaking rain and we need it.  It’s been over a month since we have had a good rain and everything has been drying out. I have been working in the yard trying to get it into shape but it seems I can either keep the house up or the yard up back can’t seem to do both.

 

I built and filled a third garden box.  I have four garden spots now. My tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash are going full gang busters now and am sure I will have veggies in July.  I planted in the new garden box, bush beans, lettuce, and winter squash. Hopefully I haven’t planted too late to get a crop off of it this year.     

 

My first week off I spent it mostly up at school changing rooms and I came down with a bad ear infection that went to the jaw…but the antibiotics seem to be kicking in finally.

 

Gay Pride Day was on the 8th of June but I didn’t go to any of it.  Half boycotting and half not really caring about it anymore.  I guess the ones who went had a good time but it’s too big, too commercial, and too straight for me these days.

 

Four women were in charge of putting on Pride, no Gay men at all, and half the women were straight! Strange times we are living in.

 

 Last weekend volunteered at the Family Fun Carnival that was put on by Restore Our Humanity.  Michael Spenser,  Mark Lawrence, Bob Henline, and Amy Barry were the committee that planned and made the event happen. It was held in Sugar House Park and was a very family oriented event lots of little kids with a bouncy house, blow up sumo wrestling suits a dunking booth. It was all free to the community  with just a suggested donation compared the Human Rights Coalition Gala held that same night at $200 a plate…

 

Sad to see classism creeping into the community by the money elite. Even at Pride Day there was a huge sign over an entrance saying VIP… pathetic.

 

Amy Barry says she is exhausted being a campaign  and a precinct captain for the Democrats especially since her house became infested with moth eggs and she has to cover everything in plastic  and live out of plastic bags. Seems happier though having come out of the closet.          

 

Last week I was super busy working with Kyle Daniels measuring and planning the building of the roof over the deck. He asked if I had a builders permit. I said I don’t need no stinking permit . So I guess I will have to live here the rest of my life because I don’t want to have to tear it down because it might not be up to code.

 

He had done construction a lot in Idaho with his dad and he looked at me skeptical when the structure wasn’t 12 ft by 12 ft because he said we will have to do some cutting and  buying extra material.  I said I don’t care that I was proud the way it was built.

 

So  we are going to do a lean to shed roof where the snow, leaves, and water will slope off into the south garden.  I have no clue what we are doing but what else is new?  We are going to build up one side of the frame with a structure like this __l___l___l__l___l___l___l__ and then after attaching some beams and doing something called bird nesting a type of cut to attach wood at a slant we are going to cover it with shiny galvanized metal sheets.  I am sure I will be able to see it from space. [lots of laughter].

 

We have to secure the top frame because they are starting to separate at the corners.  I often think of all the hard work you did for me when I am standing around at Lowes while Kyle  Daniels looks at fastener and hardware. I remember all the joy you seemed to have gotten from building something.

 

So here I am spending another June with another Kyle working on my deck.  We figured it would cost about  $500 in materials.

 

Kyle is 27 years old and is partnered with Alan Anderson from the Royal Court .  They have been coming over more watching movies and such.  I think Kyle has a crush on me because he likes older men and that is why he is so interested in helping me. Whatever.

 

I had to go through all your old letters to find passwords and pins to login at Salt Lake Community College.  I have to figure out a way to create an portfolio now.  I couldn’t get the printer to scan so Charles Frost scanned your paper and I will attach it when I figure it out.

 

I emailed your professor that I’d be sending a paper to him on your behalf. “To Eric.Green@Salt Lake CityC.edu Jun 17 at 11:19 AM Dr. Green I am writing in behalf of a former student of yours named Warren Kyle Foote who was registered for your biology class  the Fall Term of 2011. He was arrested in December 2011 a few weeks shy of completion of your class.  His student number is S00211138.  He has authorized me to work in his behalf to try and help him finish an assignment so that he can get credit for your class. He is currently an inmate in Gunnison Utah Corrections Facility. Inmate number 187422.  I am unable to access his old passwords for logging in to WordPress to send a paper he wrote that he sent to me.

 

Kyle wrote me that the Vice Provost of Salt Lake City has been kind enough to help him figure out a way to complete the two classes he needs for a degree from the college.  Is there a way to mail you his paper or drop it in a faculty box?  I am not able to scan his paper to place in an e-portfolio account if I even figure that out... I have several letters from Kyle authorizing me to work in his behalf and am wondering if I should just go down to the college and seek help.  I am a nearly retired elementary school teacher and college registration has changed dramatically since I graduated in 1975.  I appreciate any suggestions or help you may provide. I feel that education is the best way for Kyle to be rehabilitated and he is taking correspondence classes working towards an undergraduate degree Sincerely Ben Williams WFoote Student Number S00211138 SS XXX-XX-3820”

 

This is what he wrote back: Eric Green To Me Jun 17 at 4:54 IN THE EVENING Hi Ben, Thanks for the information on Warren.  I actually have received that paper from him, so the only remaining step was to post the paper to WordPress.  However, I didn’t realize Warren would have difficulty posting it himself.  So because of his circumstance, I think it would be unfair of me to hold him to that requirement of the course.  So I am going to give him credit for that 6 points. I wonder if you are in contact with Warren, and you could let him know that I am going to give him those points?  If not, I can communicate it to him through one of the Corrections officers I have been in touch with. Feel free to let me know if you have any other questions as you help Warren complete the course. Sincerely, Eric Green”

 

“Me To Eric Green Jun 17 at 10:20 IN THE EVENING You are a very kind soul...I am in contact with him on a regular basis by writing him and driving down to Gunnison to visit at least once a month...  I will let him know and again thank you for all your help... Hopefully we can get this young man back on the right track... Ben Williams”

 

I had to create a new sign in and pin for your account.  Your login name is wfoote and here  is the pin Ben1951! It had to have a capital letter a number and a symbol so I chose that so I’d remember it. Your student number is S00211138.  Your old login of Wfoote and Bill79 didn’t work anymore.  If you ever have to access your account keep these numbers. I hope to come see you before June is over. I wish someone would notify me.  But it is what it is.

 

Love Ben PS Someday this will be you graduating again

 

18 June 2014 Wednesday

If I knew other websites were going to post my article maybe I should have taken more time in editing it! Instead of lots of disjointed rambling thoughts [lots of laughter] Michael Aaron West aka Michael Heath sent me some great old picture of the Utah Stonewall Center and pictures from Pride Day 91 and 96.

 

19 June 2014 Thursday

Throwback Thursday--- My High School Graduation was on Friday the 13th 1969 in Garden Grove, California. I spent Graduation night going out to pizza with John Cunningham, then to the movies to see Goodbye Columbus, then a long walk on the Huntington Beach pier. How could he not have known I loved him?

 

I spent the entire summer of 1969 in his company, taking day trips all over Southern California as Jr. Walker and the All Stars' song “ What Does it Take to win your love for me” was playing on the am radio.

 

I cleaned the house in anticipation of Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson coming over to watch “Long Time Companion” but they stood me up. Not a priority with them anymore it seems. Oh well I got a clean house out of it.

 

I like those boys but they are on a “women and the priesthood” kick and I don’t have any patience for that.

 

I worked a lot on my Dark History Blog.

 

On Face Book I posted Survivor's Guilt... something this younger generation will never have to experience or even know what I am talking about. My generation does, however. It generated a dialog between Michael Sanders and Ron Holmgren.

 

Michael Sanders wrote: “Ben, a majority of the older gays in Utah don't know either because they were not out during the early crisis days. I don't have guilt though, only a profound feeling of loss when I think about how many friends I've lost. That's why I try to live each day creating happiness in my life and others as much as possible. Many of our peers don't understand that a strong unified gay community is how we survived, and I wish that sense of cooperation and unity would return intergenerationally without another tragic catalyst like AIDS.”

 

I responded “Mormon oppression unified our community as well as AIDS... We had a smaller community in Salt Lake so each death was like losing a member of the family... I don't have as much guilt as I once did surviving when so many were perishing...I knew several people back then who were trying to get infected because they did not want to survive without their friends and lovers. I deal with it now by trying to preserve their legacies... AIDS is already being forgotten... People are watching the Normal Heart who never experienced living during the plague and how frightening it was and how hated Gays were for "spreading the plague" to innocent victims…”

 

Michael Sanders added, “The Mormon oppression piece of the Utah puzzle is one that I'll never fully understand as an outsider. As for preserving legacies I'm so glad that my friends like Bobby Miller for example are committed to that. Bobby has been busy documenting the gay scene of my youth back east. " Forget Them Not" is a celebration of people who have left this world for the next.”

 

Roland Allen Holmgren commented: “I think many older guys should feel guilt. Sorry, but I found that much of the support for funding AIDS research and support and supporting the Utah AIDS Foundation fund raising came from Lesbians, straight people and family members. One thing that I was so bitter about was the lack of support from gay males. They would have rather spend a dollar on beer at the local club than donate to an AIDS cause. I'm not discounting the gay male efforts, but frankly, in my experience it was females that lead the charge...specially in Utah.”

 

 Michael Sanders responded: “Roland that is an entirely different story than the early AIDS crisis back in NYC. The movement was driven primarily by gay men.... but then again we didn't marry woman and go to church until we were 40.”

 

I added “Ron I don't think that is entirely true...I just think most Gay guys were in a state of denial that it would reach here behind the Zion curtain...one of the first to call for Gay action was Sheldon Spears at Pride Day in 1985. A drag queen named Madge of the Royal Court was the first to ever do a fund raiser for AIDs in 1984... In 1985 two organizations were founded at the same time,  one by Gay men” the AIDS Project Utah” and the other “Salt Lake AIDS Foundation” by Patty Reagan. The APU was based on the Shanti model while Reagan's was AIDS awareness...

 

The only doctor who would treat AIDS patients was Dr, Kristen Ries and the nuns at Holy Cross... David Sharpton founded People With AIDS Coalition and Ben Barr consolidated SLAF and APU in 1988...

 

The Royal Court turned its funds raising almost exclusively to AIDS...it was only in the 1990s when grants and funding finally was being allocated that the Boards of these organizations turned professional even kicking Ben Barr out for not having a master’s degree...

 

John Gatzemeyer, John Lorenzini, Richard Starley all heroes...but by the 1990s the Gay men's community was decimated and Lesbians and straight women took over the roles... By 1995 over 500 men from our community was dead...that's a lot for a small place like Salt Lake... I think we were all heroes ...

 

Roland Allen Holmgren: Ben, I agree with you that many gay men were actively involved from the beginning, and I am not discounting what they did and accomplished. I became involved later after the founding of the organizations. But my experience in fund raising involved many women rather than gay men. Quite frankly, we had a difficult time in getting gay men to donate to the cause. I was only involved in fund raising and volunteer work. (Maybe we asked the wrong people!).

 

 One organization that I found that was so supportive was Metropolitan Community Church. They stepped in and provided funerals and services for those that were shunned by their families. My best friend, Duane, was among the 500 men.. MCC holds a dear place in my heart because that is where Bob and I had our commitment ceremony.”

 

Ruadhan O'Sheridan wrote: “My generation knows this, as well. Roland, I see your perspective and I also do remember some things from Ben's recollections. When I was part of the activist community, there were some significant barriers between the gay men's and lesbian community in Utah. However, even before I came on the scene, there were some brave and very clever people who could put the pieces together and start things moving.

 

First there were individuals that spoke out, followed by small groups organizing, followed by exchange of ideas, followed by networking coalitions until we had a movement here locally. Threads, became yarn, that became knitted that became a quilt that became a tent.

 

I think that AIDS was a catalyst that actually built up the local community over time to face this and then, later on, issues of legal equality and discrimination. Even with all the loss and grief, the late eighties and the early nineties was a kind of golden age for the LGBTQ community in Utah that found itself IN each other. This is the time that begat everything that has come SINCE then.

 

Greg Garcia, at a Unity Show in the late eighties, called out to the community to come together to fight our battles. The right people heard his cry for cooperation and the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah was born, grew, argued and acted. Dykes and Lesbians, Drag Queens, Leathermen, Students, MCC, Utah AIDS Foundation, People With AIDS Coalition, Youth and many individuals met, debated, voted, acted, networked, educated, protested and became a family that created the seeds of all we enjoy here today.

 

Saying that gay men should feel guilty is like blaming the victim of a rape. AIDS was ugly, but over time, AIDS brought out the beauty and strength that propelled and empowered the LGBTQ community of Utah. Sadness and silver lining, or maybe two sides of the coin.

 

We need to remember but not blame. We need to look up to the horizon in celebration of our achievement instead of looking down at our feet while we obsess about our mistakes. Learn from them and push on.

 

I added to what Sheridan said “Ron, I think it is possible that when you were doing fund raising in the 1990s as in many Gay communities, there was what I call AIDS fatigue among Gay men... Every support group I attended in the 80s constantly was promoting AIDS awareness, safe sex etc...

 

I also think there was a backlash when Utah AIDS Foundation starting promoting that AIDS was not a Gay disease to appeal to a larger audience for funding...it kind of was a slap that it was okay to support AIDS causes as long as it was not identified with Gays...

 

I think many were resigned that they would catch AIDS and die... They just lost hope or didn't care after losing so many friend which in those days was the same as losing Family members. I just think the Gay men's community was just tapped out and those coming of age in the 1990s didn't want to deal with it as AIDS cocktails changed how quickly people died.

 

I think being scared all the time turned into apathy...it was in the 1990s that Lesbian began to fill most of the Gay institutions not just AIDS...they were filling in a vacuum left by the loss of so many men

 

20 June 2014 Friday

I worked on the computer a lot today researching and posting Dark History to the Blog I created to put all my Mormon blood Atonement research on.

 

I had to do something with my over ripe bananas so made some banana nut bread.

 

David Van Patten sent me a message saying he ran out of food again so I had to scramble to meet Alan Anderson at 6:45 and get some money over to David.

 

I was kind of hurried, but I did have a nice evening going to the Babcock Theater to see the Musical "The Last Five Years" with Bill Poore and Alan Anderson...I think we were the oldest people there because Ballet West Academy had all these teenagers there which filled the house.

 

Say what you will about Texans they do know how to teach their kids manners. This 15 year old from San Antonio was saying yes sir and being so polite and had no problem engaging with three old farts.

 

The play was not my cup of tea but the singing was excellent.. I gave the  Banana Nut bread loaves to give to Bill and Alan. Nice night to get out of the house but my battery light came on so I need to check that out.

 

Mike Romero went with Coco up to Yellowstone for his birthday tomorrow. Today is the last day of Spring.

 

22 June 2014 Sunday

I had a lovely time with Charles Frost and Doug Lott who had me over for dinner. I loved the blue jays that have decided Charles’ enchanted garden patio is their new home...beautiful evening but now it's time to rest.

 

23 June 2014 Monday

I went to the city library to check out that everything is confirmed for next Monday’s Utah Stonewall Historical Society summer series. It’s a go. I also cancelled having any food there so I won’t have to pay a $25 clean up fee.

 

Then I bought a whole bunch of fruit, nectarines, apricots, grapefruit, oranges, banana and avocadoes at Rancho Market to eat as the weather heats up. I even bought a half a pound of chia seeds...I heard they are supposed to be really healthy for you...I guess I can sprinkle them over my yogurt and granola...

 

I drained the hot tub this afternoon so I can clean it and put fresh water in it but as the day went on I was too tired to bail the remaining water out.... so I worked on making a pamphlet to hand out as part of the lecture series.

 

I had to stay up late to pick Kyle Daniels up at the airport. His flight from Atlanta came in about 11:45 tonight so it was after midnight before we got back to my place. We were both horny so I threw him on the bed, we stripped off our clothes and he fucked me and then after spooning, he left for his home

 

24 June 2014 Tuesday

I was tired from staying up so late last night and didn’t do a whole lot around the house but I did go vote for Hatch for Count Auditor, mailed off a copy of my license to Gunnison, and the up to school in Bountiful.

 

There I made my trifold pamphlets for my Historical Lecture next Monday on the 1970's and I did die cut letters to make a poster saying Utah Stonewall Historical Society to put up... June is coming to a close too quickly.

 

I guess Kate Kelly of the Ordain Mormon Women movement was excommunicated. That is all that is on Face Book. I guess she got the axe yesterday. No big surprise there. This is why I feel Mormonism is so screwed up... Clive Bundy doesn’t get excommunicated while Kate Kelly does.

 

25 June 2014 Wednesday

Today my sister Donna is turning 65 years old. I never hear from her. She is not on any social media but I stay in contact with her oldest boy Ken Jones. I wonder if she will retire this year? I haven’t spoken to her in three years.

 

In the news the 10th Circuit Court in Denver rejected Utah’s appeal of Judge Shelby’s ruling but Utah will appeal it all the way to the Supreme Court where Utah will lose again in the fall.

 

Had a restless night with Buddy barking to be let on the bed and then jumping down and barking again. It’s a good thing I love that old boy.

 

Michael Aaron had to put his companion Vixen down last Sunday because she had cancer.  Then some asshole policeman shot a pretty dog in a person’s backyard without cause. Should be a law against police coming onto your property without a warrant and shooting your pets.

 

I water the garden this morning out front and saw that my beans are starting to sprout! The rest of the garden I filled with green tomatoes and squash blossoms that all should be ready to harvest in July. Cleaned off the deck and finished cleaning the hot tub out.

 

26 June 2014 Thursday

And the rains came...it’s raining to beat the band over here by the airport. Luckily I got all my outside chores done in time and moved all the lumber and roofing into the garage... big thanks to Kyle G. Daniels for helping me at Homo Depo....

 

I am not my father's son when it comes to construction... my dad could build anything and make it level....it took me and hour to hammer in some nails and drill some screws to make my front garden plot from coming apart but I got beans and lettuce sprouting that I planted 2 weeks ago... I am more of a farmer faerie than a construction queen.

 

Sky Dances-Storm has come here to kill the grubs, to kill worms Seeds dance, water dances, it is proud sky horses the corm will grow and dance with us Lances of storms are with us New plants grow, new things ride this way Sky dances.

 

27 June 2014 Friday

 

Kyle Daniels came over to work on the roofing but the 12 foot lumber we bought was just about a foot shy. We thought we could make it work because of the ledge but it is not so we will have to return them and get 16 foot 2 x 6.

 

28 June 2014 Saturday

What a wasted day. Kyle Daniels called and wanted me to go to breakfast with Alan Anderson and him at Left Fork Grill. It was good and all but not worth $12 for breakfast. Alan had a Stonewall Democrat meeting so Kyle and I went off to Home Depot to return some things and order more lumber and another metal sheet panel for the roofing.

 

Kyle was headed off to Idaho to have some family pictures taken but at 10:30 this morning I went up City Creek Canyon to try and locate Michael Aaron’s Gay Freedom Day Event that he was having to celebrate the first Pride Day 40 years ago. I was bringing up some posters. It took me a half hour to drive 5.5 miles up the narrow windy barely paved road and I still couldn’t locate it so I said the hell with it and returned home. It was not a good day for me.

 

 Home Depot said they would deliverer the material today and I thought probably like at 5 o’clock as they did on Thursday but they kept me tied up to the house until 8 p.m.! I called at 6 in the evening wonder what was going on and they hadn’t even loaded the material yet! I was pissed but what can you do?

 

29 June 2014 Sunday

I had a pleasant evening with Alan Anderson and Bill Poore coming over for dinner. I fixed cheese enchiladas, steak fajitas, and Spanish rice for dinner. Bill brought a watermelon and Alan some wine so it was nice.

 

We gabbed like old men do about the past and people we know. We visited until about 8 this evening when they left and I worked on the poster for the Utah Stonewall Historical Society. We didn't watch Victor/Victoria, however after all which was fine. Visiting is better.

 

For July 2nd Bill and I made plans to drive to Idaho to visit Chad Keller’s grave...

 

I think its egregious what a police officer did, killing a dog in his own back yard and he should be suspended, retrained, do community service in the Humane Society. The city should be sued for taking personal property without cause...I know a pet is much more than personal property but that is what non animal lovers can understand...

 

That being said NEVER EVER leave your gate unlocked with a pad lock. I don't trust anyone to come into my back yard uninvited. If your gate is locked the police will have to get permission before going into a yard unless they jump a fence. Now that you know the police will shoot your dog or dogs lock your gates always.

 30 June 2014 Monday

I had to take Chuck Whyte to his doctor’s appointment this morning because he still isn’t supposed to put much weight on the foot he had operated on. Also I took him to get his meds from Smith’s. So two hours this morning was spent with Chuck.

  It was about noon when I got back to the house and mowed  my back yard. I guess I won’t be doing anything on the deck since Kyle Daniels is in Idaho until this afternoon and I have to go to my Sizzling Summer Series at the library.

 There was a nice turn out for the 1st of the 5 part summer series of the Utah Stonewall Historical Society. About 15 people showed up and definitely not the 42 who had signed up. Charles Frost is really sick so he said he wouldn’t make it. Marilyn Johnson-Faulkner and Tracy L Johnson-Faulkner came all the way from Ogden.

 I had a few comments on how it went. Joshua Jones wrote, “Thanks Ben, it was very informative. I won't be able to attend next week but looking forward to the rest.” Al Miller said, “I learned a lot. Thank you for your insight and knowledge. Can't wait until next week.”  Tracy L Johnson-Faulkner  said, “We always learn so much from you.”

 Well the month of June is over. I received a letter from Kyle Foote today. He wants me to find some speakers who are willing to give motivation talks at the prison.

 Another Guilty pleasure. I am watching Big Brother again for the summer.