Winter First Quarter Journal 2014 January-March President Obama 2nd Term

 

Journal  2014

 

1 January 2014 Wednesday

I like to start off where I am this day. I have spent 16 New Year Days in my home at 1633 Fernleaf Street in Salt Lake City Utah.  I am living alone again after having an Armenian refugee Levon Mirakyan living with me for 5 months. Well not exactly alone if you can call living with three schnauzers living alone.

 

I adopted Lucky Boy from the shelter last November and he’s won my heart completely and he’s certainly made himself at home. He’s really becoming Buddy Boy’s playmate and I am so glad because Buddy never had anyone really to play with.

 

I am 62 years old and will be 63 in a few months and in relatively good health except for the diabetes I need to get under better control.

 

I go back to work tomorrow after being off since December 20th. I am half way through my 2nd to my last year teaching. I plan on retiring in June of 2015. School has changed so much and not necessarily for the better.

 

It’s been a cold snowy month in December but it been in the 30s the past week and that really helps with melting the snow. But the end of winter is still a ways off.

 

 My sister Charline will turn 67 this year and Donna will be 65. I hope she retires but if she does she’d have to be home with her jackass crazy husband.

 

My folks are gone and I only have but one uncle left on both sides of the family. Uncle RL is still in Yucaipa California and is 90 years old. He’s out lived everyone but Mattie Lee, Uncle Wallace’s wife. My cousins are all seniors now, most are grandparents.

 

Charline is still in Arizona and Donna is in California. I wonder if I will ever see them again.

 

Here in Utah my closest friends almost like family are Charles Frost, Chuck Whyte, Bill Poore, and Randy and Kimberlee Gile although I rarely see them anymore with them living in Daybreak and busy with their family. Except for dropping Coco off I rarely interact with Michael Romero anymore. No need to since he is not interested in my life as it is now.

 

Then there’s Kyle Foote. God I am so conflicted about him. What to do? Will I always love him like I did Billy Bikowski and John Cunningham? Totally crazy and irrational.

 

I am still writing this day in Utah Gay History and writing for the Q. This April it will be 10 years. Wow. Not feeling a part of the Gay community as much and I am resisting being assimilated by the Queer Gender movement.

 

When Charles dropped in at the LGBT Resource Center last week he confirmed what Bill Poore had said that everything up there was for Trans. It really should be the Trans Resource Center. Oh well.

 

Utah is fighting desperately to overturn Judge Shelby’s ruling on Marriage Equality. It should be fascinating to see how it plays out.

 

Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson came over to watch movies and rest. Both were getting over colds probably from being so run down. They brought laundry over to and stayed until 11:30 p.m. so I knew the first day back to school would be a bitch. But it was a fun evening. Fed them homemade Chicken Noodle Soup, mushroom soup, and split pea.

 

We finished watching Making Love, then Soap Dish on Netflix which had an awful signal and kept reloading and finally the 1961’s Children’s Hour. I think they had a good time and we visited a lot.

 

I asked Michael if he had stopped smoking pot  since he doesn’t over here anymore and he said a friend of his developed pulmonary problems from smoking so much so he took a hard look at it and has really cut back.

 

Michael Adam Ferguson wrote I've been pondering how radically different the story arcs were between The Children's Hour and Making Love, and how that was just a small 20-year gap between them (1961 vs. 1981). It is another set of data points for holding optimism on the rapid pace at which culture can grow to understand and accept love, when it understands it for what it is. Thank you for being our Fairy Godmother. The soup and queer energy were the physical and spiritual remedies we needed.

 

2 January 2014 Thursday

It was so hard to be at school today and 4 kids were absent. I just kind of slept walked through the day and left as soon as I could. Mrs. Everson has strep and took today off and tomorrow.  The air is pretty nasty too. I went to bed early this evening so I should be good to go tomorrow.

Utah asked Justice Sonia Sotomayor for a stay on Gay Marriages today. I am sure she will take her time making a decision.

 

3 January 2014 Friday

Today in Levon Mirakyan’s 24th birthday and I left school right at 1:30 so I could go with Dave Robinson and him out for a birthday lunch. I also bought him a birthday card and gave him $40. We went to Little World and Dave paid for it. He ordered duck among the other dishes and I discovered I really don’t like the taste of duck. It’s too gamey. Afterwards we went to this Brazilian Bakery next door and I bought some pastries and a slice of cake. I think Levon was happy for the recognition after all at 24 you are still a kid.

 

I didn’t do much else. I gave Michael Romero some chicken soup when I took Coco home and I watched a couple of episodes of Community’s 5th Season. I don’t know where it is going so kind of disappointed. It was kind of cynical. Oh Well it’s just a television sitcom.

 

Phil Everly of the Everly Brothers died today at the age of 74... Wake Up Little Susie, so many great songs...Kathy's Clown. Also Evergreen, the Mormon Reparation Therapy Group, is dissolving and giving all its membership lists over to another anti-Gay group called North Star. Michael Ferguson says he has a lot of dirt on North Star.

 

4 January 2014 Saturday

Buddy woke me up at 6 in the morning barking so I get up and get the pups their morning hot dogs when I notice a unusual bright light on the snow in the front of the house. Snooping out my bay window I see two police cars and a third car next to them across the street blocking access to the street. It is really dark out but I see one cop shining a flashlight on the cop car as if looking for something while the other cop walks up and down the side walk.

 

Eventually I see a man and woman get in the unmarked car and drive away while a quiet ambulance rolls to a stop. The cops take two men who are stumbling out of the back seat of one of the police car and puts them in the ambulance.

 

It is so cold outside ...steam from the idling vehicles swirling around the police like phantoms who are still searching for something. I peer out thinking I'd like to bring them coffee. They must be freezing but then I thought no they are probably Mormon...so I wait as the rest of the drama unfolds..

 

Then as silently as they came the ambulance pulls off into still black morn, followed by the two police cars. There are eight million stories in the naked city; this has been one of them

 

I went back to bed for a little bit.  It had snowed some overnight and cleared the air out but I had to snow blow the driveway a little. The snow was a very fine mist that chilled when the breeze blew it into my face. Then went up to school but once again the building was locked up. But I anticipated it this time and just went grocery shopping instead over at the Bountiful Smith’s.

 

A little after noon, Charles Frost came over to visit. I had a nice Chinese lunch from Asian Isle courtesy of Charles who also brought over a bottle of Saki. I collect the blue cobalt bottles the Saki comes in. So we munched, shared what is going on in the community, and went hot tubbing...nice way to spend an afternoon...

 

He has a job interview up in Ogden with a Blackberry Company that he wanted to bounce his anxieties off of me. He really doesn’t want to drive to Ogden every day.

 

The SAGE board is presenting demands to the Pride Board come the next meeting and if some are not met they will break away. No info on when the next Talking Circle  will be.

 

 After Charles left I watched Fortune and Men’s Eyes again and for some reason I started crying when I heard the theme song. It recalled the days when I was 20 and in college and my heartbreak over John Cunningham and feeling so very alone and all alone. Such a different time.

 

I worked on my This Day In Gay Utah History for much of the rest of late afternoon getting all of January posted. I just need to put in photos then I can publish it to my blog and Face Book. I have been working faithfully posting each day since the middle of July. I spend at least 2 hours a day on this project. Usually way more. Maybe it will be of value. Maybe not.

 

About 6:30 Mattia Lumaca and Ben Anderson came over with a lot of frozen dinners and other items that Ben’s son left after he moved off to Oregon to be Post Master of Florence. I said I’d take them for Chuck Whyte who is on food stamps and am sure he can use them. They stayed a couple of hours. That’s about as long as Ben can handle.

 

Mattia dropped his pants to show me how tight his thighs are getting from being a ski instructor and conveniently he dropped his underwear too so I could see his Italian cock…Don’t worry Ben was in the room too.

 

So after they left I watched a little more television and went to bed about 10 in the evening.

 

This cute guy from Silver Daddies sent me an email wanting to get together. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t.

 

Before going to bed Jim Dabakis messengered me and asked me to Brunch tomorrow at the Oyster Bar because he said he wanted to bounce some ideas off of me and Connell O’Donovan. Jim just got in from his Mexican Honeymoon with Steve Justesen. I wrote him: I hope you had a restful get away. He responded, Restful it was not. Great it was...so let’s say Oyster at 11...Hugs.

 

5 January 2013 Sunday

Went over to Chuck Whyte to deliver the frozen dinners and food that Ben Anderson brought over from Jared’s house. Stayed about a half hour and visited … nothing really new.

 

From there I went to Market Street Oyster Bar to meet Jim Dabakis. We sat and visited for nearly 2 hours. Sounded like he was disappointed in Ben McAdams reaction to Gay marriage too. He said he asked Ben to keep the court house open that Friday later than 7 but he refused and refused to open it Saturday for a couple of hours to accommodate those wanting to get married.

 

Well McAdams is a Mormon and is playing to a greater audience. I think Jim is so great. I'd marry him if he wasn't already married. It was great to see a few straight people coming up and congratulating Jim on his marriage. Maybe I can be a spiritual wife in Gay Celestial Heaven... be a spiritual wife to Doug Lott too... spending eternity baking apple pies and gossiping and talking politics... Now that is heaven... the smell of cinnamon and vanilla...

 

It was good to see Kevin Clair Hillman and Garth Garlickson for a bit too... Now time for a nap...

 

Well I took a nap for the better part of the afternoon, worked on my blog some and then Ben and Mattia Lumaca came over to retrieve the hat they left behind. So that was pretty much my Sunday.

 

6 January 2014 Monday

Disappointing news all around. Michael Romero’s  place was broken into and the Supreme Court issued a stay of Gay marriages in Utah so no more marriages until the 10th Circuit Court decides one way or another.

 

When I dropped Coco off I learned that Michael had been broken into while he was gone this week-end. They broke down his back door and stole all his electronics, big screen televisions, tablets and kindle and all his expensive gadgets... Those who know Michael Romero knows he likes his toys and has to have the latest stuff...blue rays, 3-d all that stuff. About $5,000 was stolen...

 

I Felt so bad for him he felt violated and vulnerable. When people steal from your home they steal much more than material possessions they steal your sense of security.

 

The guy in the town house next to him was worse off. He was home when four guys robbed in at gun point when he opened the door and stole his car too.

 

I am glad I have Daisy to protect me living alone and usually forgetting to lock up before going to bed.

 

7 January 2014 Tuesday

I went in early for a faculty meeting where we were told that next month we are having lock down drill with the police coming to the school. I guess it’s a sign of the times with too many crazies having access to too many guns. At the end of the day even had a fire drill where we had to go out into the snow and stand for 15 minutes…burr  it was cold but not as cold as the Midwest which is in a deep freeze with the Polar Vortex sweeping down from the Arctic so glad I am not in the Mid-West!  So cold my friends back there are saying their cars won’t start from the cold.

 

Taking Coco home, Michael Romero said he is still inventorying what was stolen in case he missed anything.

 

Now that Gay marriage is on the back burner SAGE advisory board is up in arms over Jesse Nix, a Pride Board Member announcing SAGE events on a email post without consulting either board, advisory or Pride. It’s like the Pride Center is dismissing the board and taking over SAGE entirely.

 

Jerry Buie wrote: This is the next Utah Pride Center Board meeting, date and time. ..Are you wondering what happen to those community meetings that were going to happen on a monthly basis? ..The mysterious SAGE Newsletter that was NOT APPROVED by the Sage Advisory Board (Nor were we informed)? ..How about those financials that were promised two months ago? This might be the place to get some answers. January 27, 2014, 6-8 in the evening Care about your Pride Center? Show up and be heard!

 

ON Sunday night a SAGE NEWSLETTER was released from the Pride Center, authored by board member Jesse Nix.  This letter was not authored or part of any collateral process with the Sage Advisory board.  In fact, we were all surprised.  They have been working on a Memorandum of Understanding for SAGE to be a part of the Pride Center.... however part where we have disagreement they are stalling on.  We have requested a time slot at the next board meeting and there is some resistance to letting us assess where the board is at in relationship to SAGE.

 

 The newsletter is an attempt to bypass the advisory board.  Its business as usual with them really. No financials have been released despite the 30 day promise Netto gave in the first two community meetings. Those Monthly community meetings that were promised, nothing is on the schedule as of today.

 

WE have  straight board chairman of the board with an all straight management team. The last board meeting was Dec 3 and now almost 2 months later, they are having the next board meeting Jan 27 suggesting that perhaps there really is NOT a crisis??? No new board members and not sure any are being invited, as well as no application process online to be a board member. the website is terribly inaccurate. SAGE has a BBQ planned but again, the Sage Advisory Board was not consulted

 

8 January 2014 Wednesday

Mattias Lumaca is wanting to borrow my pick up until April to drive to work because Ben Anderson is pitching a fit about not have a vehicle and he’s too lazy to get up in the morning and drive Mattia to the bus stop up to Park City. I was kind of put out because it seems that they have no qualms about imposing on me. I said I would for $80 a month which I think is reasonable but I haven’t heard back yet.

 

Governor Herbert and the state Attorney General said that the state would not recognize the marriages performed before Monday’s stay. A new low even by Utah standards... History will not be kind to Mormons and in Utah everything is a Mormon issue... Shameful by any standard... Why does Utah always have to be litigated to do right by people? There’s an up roar over that and a planned rally for Friday afternoon while I am at work.

 

9 January 2014 Thursday

Today would have been John Cunningham’s 63rd birthday. We never got to grow old together.

Was a little late getting to work because the car stalled in the garage but then started. We had student engagement today but I didn’t have to be present so I was glad for that. I gave Liz Beck my chicken soup because she didn’t bring any lunch and she was at these crazy meetings all day.

 

A blizzard blew in the afternoon so the kids couldn’t go out but I am having the kids make some castles to pass the time while we finish the medieval period. Coming home was no problem and I gave Michael Romero the rest of the Chili Verde I made because he loves it so much and I am sure he is recovering from his trauma of a break end.

 

Levon Mirakyan was texting me today…that was surprising. He must have been bored.  Other than that not much is new.  I am glad I bought myself a snow blower even though its electric the cords are a nuisance its better than shoveling for sure.

 

10 January 2014 Friday

There was a rally at the Capitol to give Governor Herbert the petitions signed by nearly 35,000 to stop pressing for a stay on Marriage Equality. It was at noon and organized by Troy Williams. I was still teaching at that time and had a meeting after school about how to use the Smart Boards so I couldn’t go.

 

11 January 2014 Saturday

The Pride Center newsletter says that Steven Ha is the new interim director and they are still promoting the SAGE potluck which is pissing off the SAGE advisory Board. Megan Risbon has reigned from the Pride Center but is still kept on as a private contractor with the Festival. Jesse Nix is in major shit with John Netto and the Exec. Committee for taking it upon himself to plan a pot luck for SAGE .

 

The board is breaking their own bylaws to have Ha as an Interim ED and as a Board member at the same time. Interesting how they bend every rule to fit their stupid needs. I thought Netto said that a Board Member couldn't be an interim director. If someone were to make a list of all the promises and things Netto has said--and then never delivered or did the opposite thing--the list would be very, very long.

 

I hope Bob Henline after this event tonight, will get back on to holding that place accountable. They make me sick.

 

Netto says Steven Ha is volunteering so its legal that he’s an Interim Director  but also says there's a bigger story brewing. I wonder WHO the lucky person will eventually be who inherits the LAND OF LARABEE! It will be a huge mess--for that poor person whoever it is.

 

Jerry Buie and Charles Frost have verified that Michael Thompson has never been talked to. Michael himself told that to Jerry, and yet Netto said they were in conversations. Netto is a liar. His two mental illnesses aside--he needs to remember what the fuck he says.

 

Well I was at the Rail Event Center on 6th West to help with the set up for the Wedding Reception Love Elevated. I helped Bob Henline lift couches out of the way and set up tables and chairs..

 

 The reception began at 6 this evening and I stayed until 9:00. It was a lot of fun and what the community should be like. Amy Barry was there so we hung out a lot all night

 

Charles Frost came as Dottie Dixon because he was giving the opening prayer. Amy Barry and I acted as VIP monitors but I just let anyone upstairs because I hare the concept of anyone being VIP. Silly, to quadrant off areas for the elitists.

 

I had a blast being the VIP police because even though I was so tired, I got to sit and see everyone going up and down the stairs... Amy was at first being a hard ass [lots of laughter] and I said oh let people go where they want to go. Everyone is a VIP tonight... So I just waved people on said have a great time.. smiled and let people know we were happy to have them here...

 

I jumped up to hug Kristen Ries and Maggie Snyder however... the only true VIPS in the joint... Michelle Turpin passed me and patted me on the shoulder while I was sitting... Amy said well at least you got a pat!

 

 I didn't see any Board Members at the reception except Debby Berdan, that was ALL.. At home I ached where I didn't know I could ache...I am too old to be moving couches [lots of laughter]...

12 January 2014 Sunday

So very tired from yesterday. When I first arrived to help with the set up at the Love Elevated Event, the first person I met was Aaron Smith. I hardly recognized him since I hadn't seen him in 20 years back when he was a cute scrawny teenager...I had to reach back in my mind and remember how I knew him and then realized he was the kid who I officiated at his wedding to James over 20 years ago! They were the only people I had ever performed a union for and now 20 years later on the day we are celebrating Gay marriage I see him once again and what a fine man he had become. Circles and Circles we are dancing in endless circles.

 

People we love and care for are never truly out of reach... Will the Circle Be Unbroken by and by Lord by and by. I want to say an Amen to Dottie Dixons gratitude to have lived long enough to see Hell freeze over in Utah.

 

It is a shame that some organizations in this community have no idea how to motivate and utilize the hundreds of people who are willing to volunteer and serve this community. So proud that Michael Aaron gets this...

 

Leadership motivates does not dictate...listens to the people... not demand that the people listen... Leaders serve they do not command... leaders build a sense of community and do not insulate themselves from it... leaders remember we are all Very Important People....

 

I talked to Charles Frost today and told him the Pride Center newsletter says Steven Ha is the new interim director and they are still promoting the SAGE potluck. He said, Well good. We have a meeting with the Exec. Comm. in 1 week. We will see what happens after that. However Megan has resigned and is now a private contractor with the Festival. I wonder if they will announce that big change. Jesse is in major shit with Netto and the Exec. Comm. as well as Sage Adv. Board. Changes a coming.  Breaking their own bylaws to have an Interim ED be a Board member at the same time. Interesting how they BEND every rule to fit their stupid needs.

 

I said , Yes I thought Netto said that a Board Member couldn't be an interim director. If someone were to make a list of ALL the promises and things Netto has said--and then never delivered or did the opposite thing--the LIST would be very, very LONG. I hope Bob Henline will get back on to holding that place accountable. They make me sick.

 

Charles said He says Steven Ha is volunteering so its legal that he’s an Interim Director  but also says there's a bigger story brewing.

 

I responded How very nice. I wonder WHO the lucky person will eventually be who inherits the LAND OF LARABEE! It will be a huge mess--for that poor person whoever it is.

 

Charles added, Jerry Buie and I have verified that Michael Thompson has never been talked to. Michael himself told that to Jerry, and yet Netto said they were in conversations. Netto is a liar. His two mental illnesses aside--he needs to remember what the fuck he says. Did you by chance get a pic of Sister's dressing room sign last night when you were in there? If so, may I use it for a post I am preparing? So many did not get a chance to hear the opening prayer, and I am going to modify (shorten) it a bit and post it. Many are begging to read it. Thanks for all your help and support yesterday. YOU should have been the entire Stage Right Stage Manager. One for each side would have kept it all flowing much better. YOU are a treasure.

 

I replied No I didn't ... my camera was not working half the time but I thought Alexander took a picture of it... I only have you noshing on a bite... it’s cute... I had a blast being the VIP police because I was so tired but got to sit and see everyone going up and down the stairs... Amy was at first being a hard ass [lots of laughter] and I said oh let people go where they want to go. Everyone is a VIP tonight... So I just waved people on and said have a great time.. smiled and let people know we were happy to have them here... I jumped to hug Kristen Ries and Maggie Snyder however... the only true VIPS in the joint... Michelle Turpin passed me and patted me on the shoulder while sitting... Amy said well at least you got a pat!  [lots of laughter] Any board members at the  event? I didn't see any.

 

Charles said, I only saw Debby Berdan, that was ALL. I am glad you let folks go where they wanted to go. They were checking ID's upstairs anyway! Silly, to quadrant off areas for the elitists. Michelle likes you, you need to know that. I am sure Jim and I have a lot to do with that, since you are near and dear to both of us. I think she respects you and your history and opinions. It was fun. I am exhausted today. I have a SAGE Adv. Bd. meeting at 3 in the afternoon. God. I would be in your hot tub today with Doug if I didn't. Many big changes at Utah pride. I will have to tell you when next we talk.

 

I said Try to rest as much as possible...I ache where I didn't know I could ache...I am too old to be moving couches [lots of laughter]... but taking Levon Mirakyan to lunch at 1 and Seth and Michael asked to come over later to watch a movie and get away from all the drama they have created..(My words not theirs) I do love the little jackasses... Little Gay Boys in Never Never Land fighting pirates and crocodiles.

 

Charles remarked Have fun! You're mother to all the gays.

 

I said, That is why my Leather name was Mama Bear and yes one time I was a member of the Salt Lake City Dragons ... Surprised?

 

Why yes I am.

 

I joined because of Michael Romero and I thought I looked cute in a black leather vest and black civil war cap Lol .... It wasn't for me

 

It could be Daddy-Mama!! [lots of laughter] Spank those boys before they fuck you.

 

 No it didn't work out I wanted to feed them apple pie first... Lol I am just A mama man [laughing out loud]

 

About 1 in the afternoon I went over and picked up Levon and we went and had Chinese Food at a place on 21st South called Yum Yum…It was okay but nothing special. It wasn’t very yum yum. Nothing is new with Levon. I just wanted to touch bases.

 

Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson had asked to come over tonight to watch a movie and get away from all the drama they have created. But Seth was ran down with a cold so they begged off. I do love the little jackasses... Little Gay Boys in Never Never Land fighting pirates and crocodiles. I was happy in a way that Michael Ferguson changed his mind about coming over.  I really think they just needed to rest and so did I.

 

Charles wrote me later, being snarky but cute, and said How was your night with the STARS? I hope you had fun. But I answered,  Actually Seth has a cold and they didn't come. I was just as happy...

 

In the evening Mattia Lumaca and Ben Anderson came over to get the truck. Mattia is going to pay me for the use of the Truck until April. He paid $80 which I will give to Mike Romero tomorrow as part of the phone bill I owe him.

 

When Josh Jones heard the news about Ha being the interim director he wrote these comments in a thread to Michael Aaron and me, Are you fucking kidding me. Steven Ha!?!?! That guys is the biggest fucking bullshit artist I've ever met. And if I didn't have to avoid him every day at the gym I could write novel on Face book filled with the lies I've heard from him.

 

Valerie was a fucking saint compared to this guy! Thanks John Jepson!!!! He may know how to run a nonprofit but has no clue how to run a community center. I would just say I have always had a hyper-ambivalence towards him because he's so full of bullshit. My anger is that this just proves how insular and screwed up the Center is

 

I wrote back, Absolutely... those people have no concept of what is a community because they have spent their lives insulating themselves from our community... We don't need another nonprofit we need a community center to help people interact with each other... Michael Aaron knows more about community than any one of those Board Members... and especially the Executive Committee.

 

Charles Frost added his two cents and commented, You told him the truth. Such a mess it is over there. Megan Risbon has resigned, and will run the festival as a consultant only, meanwhile she starts as the General Manager for Club Jam in 2 weeks. She is biting off more than she can chew, especially with her mood swings. Setting herself up to be NIKKI II. Fag HAG extraordinaire--running around CLUB JAM. If she give JAM favors for Pride, watch shit hit the fan.

 

I said The pride committee is forming. I signed up but their 1st meeting is during SEP conferences.

 

Oh dear. Maybe Chuck can go for you. The other bars are going to be watching her like a hawk, said Charles.

 

I asked  Why isn't pride day turned back to being a day of celebration rather than a ATM machine for the center?

 

Charles remarked, Festival should be its separate 501c3, giving most of the profits to the center. However to have it under the same roof will always cause problems. It should run like the fucking Utah Arts Festival. Separate and without constraining the Community Center.

 

Then we got on the subject of marriage equality and I wrote, Can someone tell old Stupid I mean Gov Herbert that when the state tried to annul legal marriages in 1987 it was declared unconstitutional so why are they spending $2 million to annul legal marriages today? In 1987 the almighty legislature in their holy wisdom passed a law that if a spouse had AIDs then that marriage was voided ... I kid you not... It was law for 6 years until Peggy Tingey and Cindy Kidd fought for their marriages and their children and sued the state!

 

I wrote Kyle Foote a letter today; Dear Kyle, I hope you are well since I haven’t heard from you since our last visit. I know it must be hard to find anything to write about. But a letter from you does brighten my day to know you are thinking about me.

 

I didn’t do a thing for New Years Eve but curl up with Daisy, Buddy, and Lucky, ate some soup and said goodbye to 2013. It sure went out with a bang with Gay Marriage. But I suppose you heard that finally on January 7th the Supreme Court granted Utah a stay while they appeal Judge Shelby’s ruling.

 

Then that bigot Herbert said the state would not recognize the 1300 marriages performed prior to the stay when they were legal.  So the United States Atty General steps in and said all marriages in the state would be recognized by the Federal Government and in all states where it is legal. Utah is just being punitive but that will eventual bite them in the butt because it will show the state is causing harm by setting up a two tier marriage standard.

 

Michael and Seth came over New Years Day to be pampered and watch a movie. They were coming down with colds so I feed them homemade chicken soup and we watched a slew of movies they never seen as part of their EduGaytion as Michael puts it. They are quite the celebrities now since they were the first Gay couple in Utah to get legally married. Everyone in the world has interviewed them. I think sometimes their kiss was the Kiss heard around the world. 

 

The 3rd was Levon Mirakyan’s 24th birthday. I still feel like he was my ward so I took him to Little World for some authentic Chinese food because of the months he spent in Beijing. He likes to show off his Chinese. We had duck. I now know I do not like duck. It’s too gamey. But it was his birthday.

 

Then we went next door to this Brazilian Bakery and got some pastries for his birthday. I wonder how authentic they were but the lady there was from Brazil.

 

On Sunday the 5th Jim Dabakis invited me to Brunch at the Oyster Bar. He just wanted to run things by me but we just visited mostly. I think he knows I genuinely like him and his company and not just what I can get from him, which is mostly a lunch once in a while and tickets to see shows with him [lots of laughter].

 

I know he loves Steve but it’s nice to have a friend too. It was also great to see a few straight people coming up and congratulating Jim on his marriage. Maybe I can be a spiritual wife to him in Gay Celestial Heaven. I could spend eternity baking apple pies and gossiping and talking politics... Now that is heaven... the smell of cinnamon and vanilla...

 

The following day I heard the disappointing news of the Supreme Court issuing a stay of Gay marriages in Utah.  Then when I dropped Coco off I learned from Michael Romero that he had been broken into while he was gone that week-end. They broke down his back door and stole all his electronics, big screen televisions, tablets and kindle and all his expensive gadgets... his back door was wide open to the elements while heater running full blast. I felt so bad for him. He felt violated and vulnerable.

 

 When people steal from your home they steal much more than the material possessions, they steal your sense of security. However the guy in the town house next to him was worse off, he was at home when four guys robbed in at gun point when he opened the door and stole his car too. I am glad I have Daisy to protect me living alone and usually forgetting to lock up before going to bed.

 

You know Michael liked his toys and had to have the latest stuff...blue rays, 3-d all that stuff. About $5,000 was stolen... Sad but still it’s just things… what made me more sad is that I didn’t know about it until Monday even though he had the Giles come out and help him when he got home Sunday. Made me realize even more how little I am to him in his life.

 

To show how crazy the world has become with too many nuts with too many guns available to them, my school has to have Lock Down Drills instead of just fire drills. Next month we have to go into lock down…I have to have my kids crouch out of sight for nearly an hour or more…I have to call 911… and the Bountiful and neighboring police departments will swarm the school as a practice… So what is really hurting society? Too many guns or Gay marriage I ask you?

 

Now that Gay marriage is on the back burner SAGE advisory board is up in arms over Jesse Nix, a Pride Board Member, announcing SAGE events on a email post without consulting either board, the advisory or Pride. It’s like the Pride Center is dismissing the board and taking over SAGE entirely.

 

The few paid staff left (all straight by the way) are resigning left and right…no one is left in charge of Pride Day… this insular board is killing the Center. It may be gone by spring.  

 

Chuck Whyte has been down at the Pride Center every Saturday cooking breakfast for the homeless youth. He feeds about 15 people. He’s always been involved with feeding people some way or another for 30 years.  He started the Utah AIDS Foundation’s food pantry so many years ago. The service is not a part of the Pride Center but is just hosted there.

 

Mattia Lumaca, my friend Ben Anderson’s husband, who is an Italian ski instructor up Little Cottonwood Canyon, is wanting to borrow the pick up until April to drive to work because Ben is pitching a fit about not have a vehicle when Mattia is at work and he’s too lazy to get up in the morning to drive Mattia to the bus stop up to Park City.

 

I was put out because it seems that they have no qualms about imposing on me when they need something. I said I would for $80 a month, which I think is reasonable. So he said he’d only drive it to the Bus lot at the mouth of Cottonwood and then take the shuttle up the Canyon. I guess it’s better than it just sitting in the garage.

 

Last Friday there was a huge Rally at the capitol of 1800 people organized by Troy Williams giving Herbert a petition to stop trying to defend Amendment 3. 53,000 people signed the petition but you know Herbert cares nothing about people just people with money. He’s a Utah County goon anyway. I wasn’t able to attend because it was at noon and I was still at work.

 

However Saturday I helped set up the huge event that was held as a reception for Gay Married people. Michael Aaron and Bob Henline came up with the idea to throw a huge reception party for everyone who got married so quickly during that tiny window of 20 days. The Q held it at the Rail Event Center but since they just had a fight night club just prior, we had to do some major cleaning and setting up.

 

Amy Barry was there too and we worked our butts off hauling couches, moving chairs, tables, stuffing VIP bags. Amy finally told me that she came out to her folks. I told her good for her and now the time to live an authentic life. She also has quit the Sugar House Market Board and isn’t going to be involved with that this year. She did join the board of the Utah Stonewall Democrats but she said that is all her involvement is going to be.

 

When I first arrived to help with the set up at the Love Elevated Event, the first person I met was Aaron Smith. I hardly recognized him since I hadn't seen him in 20 years, back when he was a cute scrawny teenager...I had to reach back in my mind and remember how I knew him and then realized he was the kid who I officiated at his wedding to James over 20 years ago! They were the only people I had ever performed a union for and now, 20 years later on the day we are celebrating Gay marriage, I see him once again and what a fine man he had become. Circles and Circles we are dancing in endless circles. People we love and care for are never truly out of reach... Will the Circle Be Unbroken by and by Lord by and by.

 

I want to say an Amen to Dottie Dixon’s gratitude to have lived long enough to see Hell freeze over in Utah.

 

Amy Barry and I were also asked to be the VIP police checking people's VIP badges before they could go upstairs but it was so crazy! They ran out of VIP tags because so many people came and paid $50 for the event. They asked the wrong person to be in charge because I just let anyone who wanted to go up …go up [lots of laughter] Everyone that night was a very important person to me. I just waved them through smiled and said have a great time. Besides the only real VIPs I saw there were Dr Kristen Ries and Maggie Snyder... People were celebrant and I was not about to be a buzz kill.

 

Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson were surprised when Michael Aaron called them on stage to be the first to cut the four foot wedding cake that was frosted white but was rainbow in the middle... Amy and I even danced (well you got to dance at a wedding reception) and I am sure people took advantage of going up to the VIP lounge while we weren’t guarding our post!

 

However the most fun for me was taking this cute photographer named Logan, from SLUG magazine, around to take pictures of people. He didn’t know anyone so I was a wonderful tour guide--- We got pictures of Luci Malin, Becky Moss, Brenda Voisard, Doug Lott, Todd Markham, Addison Rose, Curtis Price, Jim Dabakis, Michael Quinn, Seth and Michael, the Home Depot Video Boys, Kevin Hillman and his husband, Petunia Papsmear, and so many more that I can’t remember off hand. I think he was surprised that little old me knew so many great people...      

 

After hanging out with Charles as Dottie who gave the opening prayer and Doug for a while, I finally went home after putting in a 9 hour day. Exhausted but exhilarated. Truly a grand reception and a night to remember for the 2000 people who showed up at what was really a fund raiser for Restore Our Humanity… I even met the plaintiffs in the case… hugged them and got a kiss from them.  Truly we live in an Age of Heroes.            Today I ache where I didn't know I could ache...I am too old to be moving couches [lots of laughter]... but am taking Levon to lunch at 1 and Seth and Michael asked to come over later to watch a movie and get away from all the drama they have created..(My words not theirs) I do love the little jackasses... Little Gay Boys in Never Never Land fighting pirates and crocodiles. We shall all someday swim with the Mermaids.   Love Ben   Look at me! I am a VIP hahaha

 

13 January 2014 Monday

They poisoned the water supply of the city of Charleston West Virginia  and someone is getting rich on the bottled water the government is responding with... This was no natural disaster but the cause and effect of GOP deregulation policies ... No water coming to a city near you... Brought to you by antigovernment GOP sponsored greed.

 

            Well lots of helping hands made the putting the Rail Event Center back the way it was... Kudos for Bob Henline’s sweet wife for sweeping that huge space and mopping some... Glad there were some burly men and not just gurly men to do the heavy lifting... Michael Aaron looked happy and worn down to the nub... Aaron Smith was back doing more than his share and lots other.

 

We had about 15 Gay guys there. There are so many fabulous people from our own community to be grand marshals. Why the hell do we look out of state?

 

It's a good thing my belly is big enough for my boy schnauzers to use as a pillow. Both are resting their heads on me

 

14 January 2014 Tuesday

 

Ugh I have to write a column for the QSalt Lake. Waaahhhh I don't want to… Waaahhhh okay I will. Did everyone hear the collective OH SHIT! from the Governor Herbert’s office after Judge Kern ruled in Oklahoma [lots of laughter] I love the part where the Judge said that the Oklahoma ban on Gay marriage didn't seem to help straight marriages with Oklahoma having one of the highest divorce rates in the Union Hahahaha

 

15 January 2014 Wednesday

I finally, finally wrote my history column for Lambda Lore about the ever changing constant church on Utah’s views on Marriage. Before that I went over to see Dave Robinson. He wanted some info about the community.  Not really sure what he wanted. Kind of a wasted trip since I had so much to do. I am taking Friday off.

 

16 January 2014 Thursday

Well tomorrow is the end of the 2nd Term and the year will be half over by then. I have a sub tomorrow so I stayed a little later and made sure I had all my tests are ready for the sub to give.  Much of the ice from last December has finally melted and its getting ever so slightly lighter in the evening.

 

I haven’t heard much from anyone. I found the pictures that Logan Sorenson took at the Love Elevated Event and found a nice one of Michael Aaron and me. I trimmed it so it’s just me and I am using it as my photo on Face Book.

 

Well the Utah State Tax Commission said today that married Gay couples can file State Taxes as a couple just like the feds. Should not have been an issue. Russell Johnson the Professor on Gilligan’s Isle died today. I had a crush on him as a teen...he was so smart and reassuring .... Farewell Professor

 

17 January 2014 Friday

I took the day off to have my eyes examined at Hoopes Vision but I got rescheduled again to next Friday at 1:30. Oh well. So instead, I made two meat loaves this morning to use up some hamburger that had been in the freezer for a while...I added ground pork, chopped carrots, celery, and green peppers, seasoning and topped it with bacon strips... When they were done I cut an end piece off and it tasted a little bit of freezer... Ugh...Oh Well the hounds are having meatloaf tonight and they are not as nearly as picky as I am.

 

I saw that Michael Ferguson and Seth Anderson were featured in a story in the Advocate.

 

I’ve gotten back on Adam4Adam. Not sure why. It doesn’t really work for me. Charles Frost came over in the afternoon to relax and hot tub. He and Doug Lott are going up to Idaho for the weekend.

 

Cindy Kidd died this day age 39 in 1996... Who was she you ask? Only a Utah hero. In 1987 Sen. Stephen Rees, R-Salt Lake, argued the state, in order to protect public health, had a compelling right to annul heterosexual marriages if a partner had AIDS. The Utah legislature passed the law, Republican Governor Norm Bangerter signed it, and it became state law for six years before Cindy Kidd and Peggy Tingey sued the state to repeal it. The plaintiffs won. The law was repealed. The state paid the legal fees. These women fought for their husbands and children and their legal rights which were denied by the state of Utah.

 

Today more than a thousand couples are fighting the state which again want to annul legal marriages for no more compelling reason than what the state thinks is in the best interest of the public. Gov. Norm Bangerter was wrong in 1987. Gov. Gary Herbert is wrong in 2014.

 

In 1993 Sen. Rees said ``I don't know what we were thinking. Do we have to wait six years, spend millions of tax payer money on a fool’s errand before someone admits I don’t know what we were thinking.

 

18 January 2014 Saturday

I had a cup of The Queens' Leaf Blue Tea this morning with a slice of lemon because my throat is a bit raspy and sore... I went to DESERET INDUSTRIES this morning and found a few things to help decorate the house and then I bought some DVR blank discs because I wanted to record some of my VCR movies onto a DVR.

 

I stopped by Michael Romero’s to see if I had the right kind and he had company some guy from Cedar City who is spending the weekend with him. It kind of surprised me. When he introduced me as just the guy he bought a house, with it stung a little but made me realized that I never meant much to Michael even though it was 20 years ago we moved in together....

 

I stayed up way too late by having a movie night watching Iron Lady and My Week With Marilyn both bios about England... Loved them both for different reasons...

 

19 January 2014 Sunday

Today is my dad’s 89th birthday. He’s been gone since 2003 but now with Mom again out there somewhere.

 

I met Alan Anderson at 8:30 for breakfast this morning at Left Fork Grill and we had a good visit just catching up. We don’t visit all that often. Everyone thinks Left Folk is really great but I just think it’s okay. I had buckwheat pancakes. Hadn’t had them in ages either.

 

After coming home I changed the light bulbs in the kitchen that Kyle Foote put in when he changed out all the light fixture. It had finally, finally burned out after 3 years and I replaced it with 7 year bulbs. Let see if they really last that long.

 

At 2:00 I went to the Crone Hollow to meet for Faerie Coffee. I thought it would be good to meet new people but only Connell O’Donovan and John Crapeau showed up. We visited for about an hour. Not really about anything too deep. I guess Kent Scadlock is still angry with Connell about something. This is about the first faerie thing I have done since last June.

 

Other than that just played on Adam4Adam and watched some television. It’s the Sundance Film Festival up in Park City and Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson are having a great time.

 

George Takai from Star Trek made comments about Governor Herbert being a hater. I did watch Star Trek the Watch of Khan later tonight.

 

I received a letter from Kyle today: Dear Ben, It’s been ice cold and miserable outside these past weeks since your visit before Christmas. I nearly broke my neck at least a half a dozen times trying to stay upright on the ice fields they call sidewalks.

 

Well I bit the bullet and decided to focus more on the things that matter-specifically programming- and college classes. As much as I enjoyed the atmosphere at the sign shop. I didn’t like the work and I felt myself slipping into old habits and thought patterns.

 

 I’m going to volunteer to work in programming which might someday lead to a paid job but I have enough saved to keep my TV and buy a few treats for a while. No I don’t need any money from you, but I’ll let you know if I need something.

 

I really need to make the most of my years here and working at the sign shop was more like treading water.  I’m excited with my new focus and I’ll keep you apprised of what happens.

 

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately two really good books were  Child 44 about the hunt for a serial killer in post war communist Russia and the other was a novel called Freedom by Jonathan Frangen- a really good book that you might even enjoy. It even came with Oprah’s endorsement. Haha. I think all of this reading lately has gone to my head.

 

If I weren’t such a lazy writer I think I could be really good at it. Not fiction of course, strangely as natural a liar as I am I’ve never been good at writing fiction. I keep thinking I should try my hand at a memoir. It’s probably a narcissistic thought, but I’ve heard the best writers are also narcissists. Lord knows I’ve one or two good stories to tell.

 

I think all but one of my Christmas cards made it to their intended recipients. My sister Kelsie, who lived in Pittsburgh last I heard, her card was returned as undeliverable- Oh well next fall I’ll have you help me try and find a good address for her.

 

  Stephen Schrock, my ex, his card was also returned but it came with a forwarding address in Tampa Florida. So even though it was after Christmas I put it in a new envelope and sent it to Tampa. It doesn’t surprise me that he moved. He was always itching to get out of Western New York.

 

I’m not fully convinced, but I think I’m getting used to the idea that money isn’t everything. I think that what I need after prison is a teaching job and a project house. I want to buy the cheapest most run down house I can afford in a decent neighborhood. I’d prefer something like a former meth house or that’s slipped off its foundation, definitely something condemned. Something that will take years of weekends to fix up. Then I can spend my days teaching and my free time working on the house. I think that would be enough to keep me out of trouble- at least until the house was finished then I could just sell it and start over on a different house.

 

But all that is still years away from me.  In the meantime I just need to focus on me and my education. The rest will sort itself out when the time comes. Could you do me a favor and email Deidre for me and ask for her address in Brazil? I think I’ve delayed so long replying to her letters that they have already left for Brazil so I should probably write to her there.

 

Well I’ve run out of things to bring you up to speed on. Thank you by the way for the most recent pictures you sent. Lucky really does look an awful lot like Smokey.

 

How is wedded bliss for the newlyweds?  Did their families survive the news? How about the rest of the newlyweds? Has the fever died down? Thank you for all your love and support always your friend and family. Love Kyle

                                           

20 January 2014 Monday Martin Luther King Holiday

Taking it easy this day off...Chuck Whyte and I went to Chuck a Rama for a late lunch... It was kind of Smoggy out.

 

21 January 2014 Tuesday

Back to work on my teacher’s prep day. Met with the counselor from Millcreek Jr High who gave us dates we should be aware of for the 6th graders.  Didn’t get as much done as I would have liked because I had to go up to Farmington for a meeting on the SAGE testing in Language Arts.

 

The District men's bathrooms have all become men/women with a lock on them so us old men have to do a dance waiting for women to come out of the men's room... Welcome to the brave new world... The women's bathrooms however are still strictly women ... Oh well.

 

I Watched that episode on the Twilight Zone again last night where the little girl Fell into another dimension... I think the movie Poltergeist ripped off some of that plot line...

 

Well I don't know whether I have caught a slight cold or just being out in the bad air yesterday made me raspy with a little cough...well back to work ... Just a working girl in a working world... Be safe everyone watch out for 4th dimension holes

 

22 January 2014 Wednesday

 

William Shakespeare wrote To sleep, perchance to dream - as I age I think I sleep more to be with the people I love who I can't see when I'm awake. I have not seen John Cunningham in 42 years and yet he came to me fresh and alive as if we were both 21 year olds again...

 

John and I had an intellectual connection but we were way too young and living in a time that a physical connection between us was impossible. He was my first love and my first heartbreak... Now that I am awake I have the melancholy and nostalgia for a love that never had the chance to bloom but yet the sweet scent still lingers over that which we call time and space.

 

I will have House guests for a few days... Levon Mirakyan and Dave Robinson are staying here for a few days while Outdoor Retailers are in town... They are renting out their apartment for a few days. Nice to be able to feed people again and converse...

 

Kyle Foote wrote me: Dear Ben I am trying a novel approach. I am writing you back the day I get your letter… and a wonderful letter it was! All your positive energy in it rubbed off on me and made for a good day. Have you heard the name Russ Wimmer?  Apparently he’s an old queen from the east side that builds parade floats. A friend of mine here speaks highly of him so I figured I’d ask if the name rings a bell.

 

 I had heard the bad news on the 7th, disappointing to say the least, but I think the ruling will ultimately be affirmed by the Supreme Court and Utah will be forced to allow Gay marriage- against their will.

 

I was glad to hear that Amy finally came out to her family –from the picture it obviously didn’t take her long to go for the butch haircut. I’m happy for her new authentic path in life.

 

It sounds like I missed out on a fabulous soiree! They should have gone for a faux cultural hall theme with streamers off basketball hoops and court markings on the floor for the reception theme. Since the Mormons won’t allow Gays to host a reception In their buildings, we can at least honor them with a theme of tacky and cheap.

 

Hopefully your weary old bones recovered from all the heavy lifting and the positive energy from all your endeavors has carried you through these dreary winter days. I know how you tend to get down this time of year.

 

What a traumatizing experience for Mike! The burglars must have cherry picked him because he really did have a lot of very expensive toys. Hopefully he was insured. My guess is he’ll be investing in a fancy new home security system in addition to replacing  his toys. Thank god, he wasn’t home at the time.

 

This prison is full of guys who did grievous things to people in the pursuit of a high. Well there’s no news from here since I just wrote a few days ago. But much love from me and take care of yourself and the pooches’… Kyle

 

23 January 2014 Thursday

I had a weird feeling at work ... I felt dizzy like I was walking towards the wall out in the hall while coming back from the work room... Now what ... I felt light headed. I have a raspy cough from the inversion... I guess that is mostly it... Never felt my equilibrium be off before.

 

When I came home I fixed some meat loaf and other things for company that was supposed to come in at 6 but I finally went into the city to pick up Dave Robinson and Levon Mirakyan about 7:30 rather than them taking the bus and Traxx in as  it being cold and who knows how long that would take and I wanted to go to bed. I had Meatloaf and cheesy cauliflower ready for them for dinner.

 

My chest is still coughing so I went to bed about 9:30 after getting them settled in. Some honey whiskey and off to bed.

 

Only idiots believe the fight against Marriage Equality is NOT driven by Mormons...couldn't $2 million be better used helping the poor in Utah where 1 in 5 families live below the poverty line.

 

Why is Governor Herbert against providing funds for the Affordable Care Act for our state’s poorest but has money to fight marriage equality that harms no one except those with mental issues who thinks it harms them?

 

24 January 2014 Friday

It seemed weird to be leaving school before the kids, but my appointment at Hoopes Vision at 118,000 South at 1:30 left me with no choice.  I was there until 2:30 and I still have 20/15 vision and no sign of diabetes damage to me eyes.

 

From there I took the Sonoma Truck to this Emission testing place on 3rd West and 8th South where I took the PT Cruiser last summer and they got me and in and out in less than 20 minutes! I was shocked.

 

So the truck is registered now and after taking Coco home Mattia and Ben showed up for the truck. I had them come in and Levon Mirakyan went down stairs because he doesn’t like them very much. He said that Ben is a whiner. [lots of laughter]

 

 Anyway Ben said that they put an offer on a house in Cottonwood Heights, and they were pretty excited about that. They were supposed to hear back today if their offer as excepted. They said I looked tired and I said I was. Too much running around today and not feeling well.

 

Dave Robinson came home about 6:00 in the evening. And I had a Papa Murphy Pizza, and breaded pork with spaghetti ready for them to eat.  Levon wanted to talk to me for a long time about his uncertain future and where he wants to move to. He even said he thought about joining the army reserves.

25 January 2014 Saturday

I am officially quarantining myself this weekend... I definitely have a chest cold...probably it’s what made me dizzy the other day... Next week is Parent Teacher Conferences so I have to be up for that...

 

Dave Robinson and Levon Mirakyan left today but at different times.

 

I fixed pancakes and eggs and bacon for breakfast than about 10:30 I took Dave into the city to the Salt Palace where the Outdoor Retailers were gathered. From there I went to Deseret Industries and bought a few home décor items. I like buying the strange and usual.

 

In the afternoon Levon showed me how to put my stuff on a Google drive and set up an account on Mega a New Zealand file saver…my passwords are lambda lore and Gayflower. Then Levon had to go into the city so I dropped him off at the Caledonia Apts.

 

After that I went grocery shopping and when I got home my Uncle RL had left a message asking me to call him back so I did. RL will be 91 years old in June. He called to tell me that he has put me as executor of his will 2nd to my cousin Frances Ann. If something happens to Frances then I am to carry out his will.

 

RL said that both his we Ellie and her sister Lee had left him pretty well off.  Ellie left the house to her sister Lee but Lee put in her will that the house is to remain with RL until his passing and then it’s to be an asset in her estate. RL also said that Lee left RL a 3 percent interest in her estate which contains a house in Manhattan Beach worth about 3 million dollars which is about $90,000. Besides that RL said that Ellie had been cashing and hiding her Social Security Income from him for years and had stashed it  in her bedroom. After she died he found it and now it’s in a bank deposit. Well good for RL for having put up with that old bitch for all those years.

 

It still makes me mad that she accused Dad of not paying his share of Grandma Danforth's head stone, about $300, which I paid for dad to shut her up. Dad later found a receipt that he had paid but didn’t bother talking to her about getting the money back.

 

 Uncle RL and I had a nice visit. We talked for about 2 hours. He seemed pretty alert for 90 and has some help come in to drive him places, cook for him, and clean. May be this summer I will go down for a visit if I can get someone to watch the dogs.

 

 So after that didn’t do much. I made a pot of beans and a pot of chicken soup. Hopefully that will loosen me up .

 

I was glad for the company of Dave and Levon but glad that they are gone.

 

There was huge rally at the Capitol for cleaner air, about 3000 people but this state does not listen to the people. It was founded for the purpose of making a few people rich.

 

26 January 2014 Sunday

I had a restless night up and down coughing.  I think I have a chest cold probably from the bad air. I didn’t wake up even until about 10 in the morning when Charles Frost texted me to see if I was okay. Then I just lounged around, fixed a large breakfast of hash browns with ham, scrambled eggs and toast. I did go out to get my medicines and some dog food but that’s the only time I ventured out. So I tried to just have a restful day. I watched Divine in Polyester, took a nap, hot tubbed and tried to get caught up in my journal.

 

27 January 2014 Monday

I was tired this morning but made it into work knowing that it would only be a half day. But I did have one SEP Conference this afternoon. I left a little early to rest a little and take Coco home. I just had scrambled eggs for supper. Tonight is the Pride Center Board Meeting… I don’t know if I give a rats ass anymore.  I have my sweet dogs and that should be enough. I was surprised to have another letter from Kyle so soon.

 

28 January 2014 Tuesday

I stayed late at Washington Elementary until a little after 6:00. Ugh so frustrating my last two conferences that were scheduled at 5:20 and 5:40 never showed! My last one was at 4:20 so I could have been at a rally... Oh well...

 

As I was getting ready to go home, who shows up but the two late conferences. For the working Mexican mom I did a quick conference so she wouldn’t have to come back, but the white Mormon one which I had already rescheduled once I made them come back Thursday.

 

Bob Henline’s Equality Rally was held up at the state capitol. I heard that Klaus from Cartel’s Bad Kids group and someone else glitter bombed the anti-equality folks who were in the capitol. Good.

 

Just as I was about to go to bed Levon Mirakyan texted me and asked if I could come into the city and pick him up in front of Dave Robinson’s place… He didn’t tell me why but sounded like he and Dave must have gotten in a row because he wants to move to L.A. where some of his family is.

 

He sounded desperate so I got dressed and went and picked him up. He had two huge suitcases packed.  He didn’t want to talk about it and I didn’t pry. He asked if he could stay about 4 days until he could his relatives to buy him a plane ticket.  So what I thought wasn’t going to be an eventful day turned out to be one just as I was going to bed.

 

Folk singer Peter Seeger died today age 94.

 

29 January 2014 Wednesday

 

I had a long day with parent conferences and I didn’t get done until after 7 p.m. but Levon Mirakyan texted me that he got a graphic designer internship at some company down town and had made up with Dave and is moving back in to town.

 

I had to pick him up at Traxx on North Temple first because he was coming back to the house from being in the city with day. Then he packed his bags again and I drove him back into the city as it began to rain.

 

He was hungry so I stopped at Del Taco and bought a family pack of chicken tacos and bean burritos for him, Dave, and this 20 year that has also moved in.

 

It down poured in the city really flooding the streets and the wet streets made it hard to see with the street light glare but I made it back home safe and sound.

 

It was nearly 9 in the evening before finally getting home from long conferences.  I hate driving at night with the lights reflected on the pavement making it hard to see... But safe in bed now... My pups act as I was gone a year ...

 

My cough is finally going away too. So a doofus from Tooele wants to put a check box on the tax form to donate to defend inequality marriage... Well as soon as that passes don't be surprised if wards up and down Utah get a directive to donate.... The biggest political player in Utah the Mormon Church doesn't pay taxes at all but think they have the right to tell non Mormons how to live their lives.

 

30 January 2014 Thursday

It’s all over the national news about a school in Salt Lake City District yesterday making kids throw away their lunches after being served, because their lunch accounts were in arrears… Incredible. I so appreciate Davis Schools where I work where this never could of happened... We feed our kids even if it's out of our own pockets... Children should never be punished because of their parents....if this state would open more liquor stores we would have more revenue for lunches.

 

Jim Dabakis and some Republican showed up at Uintah Elementary and ate lunch with the kids. I haven’t heard a thing from Levon Mirakyan so hopefully things had settled down for him. I told him he is family to me.

 

31 January 2014 Friday

Last day of the month finally. I don’t think anyone is ever sad to see January go. My last conference didn’t show up so I took off at 2:00 this afternoon. Since it’s the Chinese New Years I bought some sweet and sour pork at Golden Pearl and picked up a Pizza for tonight.

 

I had asked Amy Barry and Bill Poore over to watch a movie.  Mike Romero is flying down to Phoenix to help out Peter, who I guess is his new boyfriend, so Coco is staying the weekend with me and I took Mike to the airport. He’ll be back Sunday afternoon.

 

When I got home I really cleaned up the house, doing the dishes and mopping and vacuuming because I hadn’t picked up all week, too tired and exhausted from the conferences but I couldn’t have Amy see my dirty house.

 

I also talked to Charles Frost a little yesterday and he said that Jon Jepsen told him the Pride Center was adamant about getting a celebrity for Grand Marshal. I find that appalling. I just don't get why the Pride Day Committee think they have to get a celebrity as Grand Marshall and pay them 1000's of dollars when we have some of the best people right here in Utah who would be sterling candidates, who would consider it an honor, and who would do it for free... are the pride day committee that out of touch or is our community so shallow that they have to be dazzled to have pride?

 

The first Grand Marshal was Dr. Kristen Ries who nearly single handily dealt with the AIDS crisis in our community. Our last one was a Canadian athlete whose only claim to fame was coming out of the closet and being available for elitist parties. Have we sank that low?

 

A grand marshal is a person honored as the ceremonial marshal of a parade not some paid and bought for minor celebrity who is willing to come to Salt Lake City on the cheap.

 

Had a great evening eating pizza and watching the Butler with Amy Barry and Bill Poore... I lived through the same time period and remembered all of the events in the film...afterwards our discussion went from racism in Utah, to Mormon politics and Ben McAdams, to Gay theory to the anti-discrimination bill to Lesbian porn... Very eclectic night at the salon of the House of the Barking Dogs

 

Kevin Scott wrote: We're watching it here as well. We forgot to discuss lesbian porn... we'll save that for another time?. Amy Barry said Thank you for the lively discussion. My dogs are quite preoccupied now with the Lucky smells I brought home. I never get this much attention otherwise. I responded, Lucky is a lover. Alan Anderson added Ben is a lover too. At least that is what I've heard.

 

James Dabakis commented: Truth is, sad, great conversation is dead--or at least on life support. Maybe too many texts, [lots of laughter]'s or the decline of the closet. I cherish a great, battering, lively, funny, provocative, edgy conversation. If the Algonquin Round Table were revived in Utah, surely Mr. Conversation-- Ben would host. I would love to see at the table the human Google of information and humblest of men. Historian Dr Michael Quinn. He spins an absorbing tale better than just about anyone.

 

So  said I love opinionated people as long as I agree with them [laughing out loud] What I miss most from the 80s is the various support groups, affirmation, unconditional support, LGSU where lively discussions took place.... The market places of ideas and forum for building a Gay identity... But I fear the generation gap and life experiences are creating a huge gulf between the generations...but that is the nature of things... Where is the continuity in the community? 1994 is just 20 years ago but to the 30 year olds who are in charge now it's like ancient history...perhaps it is [laughing out loud]. Michael Quinn is one the most undervalued member of our community as is Stephen Holbrook...wouldn't they be fascinating to just listen too? Michael Quinn however I believe identifies more with being Mormon than being a Gay Man. Alan Anderson like Harvey Fierstein said I too have loved more men than they're mention in the Bible, old and new testaments combined... ( not PC these days [laughing out loud])

 

Bill Poore said I love healthy conversations, I did have to keep checking with Amy making sure she didn't feel picked on. You don't think I can take it? Ha was her reply. I disagree with half of what you say Ben, but that is why I love being around you, you make me define what I do believe in. By the way I really let that conversion slide when you were talking about homeless youth. I totally disagree with your perspective. I will leave that till another day when it is just you and me when both gloves can come off and you will end up knocking me into the hot tub and Lucky will have to rescue me. (Daisy and Buddy are just too fat to save me) Old soldiers don't die, they just fade away same thing with old fairies, they just become fog on the side of mountains.

 

I responded  Old Faeries become old fogies I like that.

 

FEBRUARY

1 February 2014 Saturday.

I took Chuck Whyte to lunch at Panda Buffet on North Temple and even though it wasn't as good as usual it didn't stop me from eating too much ... We spent an hour talking and  recalling all the old businesses and buildings that are gone now from downtown.

 

Then in the evening I went to Patrick for a massage and paid him $40. It felt really good. I was carrying so much tension in my neck and shoulders

 

In a private conversation with Bob Henline who elucidated that the Pride Center needs to decide if they're a community center, an advocacy group, or a social services agency and I thought wow...if an educated straight ally gets this why doesn't more Gays?

 

I responded that The Pride Center should not be in the position to make that decision... the Community should run the center not the center run the community... We have plenty of social service agencies who cater to Gays, Equality Utah advocates for us as well as the Stonewall Democrats and Log Cabin assholes... what we need is a center, a heart, a welcoming space... a centering spot... a retreat from the bombardment of heterosexualism... no offense... if Gays were in charge Heteroes would certainly need an escape from show tunes and hot guys gushing over Downton Abbey  Now you know why I should retire and keep my mouth shut.

 

As the 28th anniversary of my coming out as a Gay man in Salt Lake City I think it’s time to retire from the scene of activism... It’s a new generation, who were toddlers or not even born, when we laid down the ground work for the emergence of a Gay community in Utah...

 

It was not simply natural evolution, it was steady revolution... but we built what we needed and created the frame work which the professionals took over, people who were furthering their careers while ours were on hold furthering the cause of social justice for Gay people.

 

I am probably not alone in feeling alienated from the new LGBT paradigm but it’s okay...I am not going to have to spend much of my future in it...

 

There used to be a general consensus in the words Power to the People... not so much anymore... Power to the Grant writers... The issues that dominate today are driven by grants and salaries, it seems queer that straight people run organizations built by and for Gay people, created to reflect our awareness, consciousness raising, and self-esteem issues.

 

There are 100s maybe thousands that are better off because I came out of the closet... of that I can say I’ve had a life well lived... Now it’s time to bow out ... turn it over... take a deep breath... and enjoy my forthcoming Golden Years. Some people will really be relieved  I intend to be one of them.

 

Alan Anderson wrote,  You will not quit. I know you too well! and Craig Hunter said Ben, I don't think you need to retire 100 percent. At least not on Face Book. You always have so many educational things that you post which are very helpful.

 

Russell Pack commented: Hey, our friend. I so understand. It's been frustrating seeing many of our past efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated. For every LGBT person who was (or will be) married, we paved the way. I have the scars to prove it, including a bad ear and a repaired eye from bashings. You deserve a rest, and you can focus now more on yourself. Big hugs and our love.

 

My Ogden friend Marilyn Johnson-Faulkner said, Ben, you are someone who has made life better for countless people (most of whom probably don't know your name or couldn't recognize you on the street) or in a line-up.  Just look at our little conservative state of Utah... when I attended my first Gay Pride Day nearly 30 years ago in Sunnyside Park across from the U of U campus, there were maybe 200-300 people there. Most of us were scared to death. Now thousands of gays and friends and supporters crowd Salt Lake City for 3 days and we have Pride Week festivities and the second largest parade in Utah. Dare I say, we are mainstream now. That progress in our state has been due to a few (very few) heroes! Salt Lake City is now routinely recognized as a gay- friendly city. Utah has THE CASE that I believe will finally legalize marriage for all of us throughout the US! We are known as a community where gays and lesbians work as one. There have been steady advances in our rights and our quality of living here because of YOU! You have lived the history and chronicled it. It will NEVER be lost due to your efforts to preserve it and record it. I love you Ben. I am so glad and proud to know you and be your friend. My life has changed infinitely for the better because of the work you've done. Thank you. I wrote her back Thank you Marilyn that means a lot... We are family I've got my brothers and sisters and me...

 

Bill Poore added, I agree with you totally with the of feeling of being alienated from the LGBT paradigm in Utah. I have lived and been active in every Gay Community in most the of the largest cities in the nation but have always felt less part of a community since I returned back to Utah, maybe a big part of it is my fault. I feel I am no longer member of the LGBTQ of Utah, I am a member of the Gay Community of Utah, that community being all inclusive of those that define us.

 

We have become so divided by the need to always redefine each letter of what has become the LGBTQ, those that have not been able to keep up with the new definitions and Identities are left behind, their opinions no longer important or listened to .

 

I feel instead of bringing the community together because of the nature of what the Pride Center has become it has divided up ever more. We need a community center, a place to gather, where you don't feel defined by what letter of the LGBTQ or how you present your selves .

 

It should not be a place for therapy but rather a place of referral. It should be the spirit of an entire community, not a place where you feel out of place because you are not a member of one of the groups.

 

I have actually been yelled at the center because I used the wrong term in referring to one of the LBGTQ groups. Does that mean us old people just better become more educated or is there seriously something wrong with the picture?

 

I embrace and love what has happened in the past months with same sex marriage, it is fulfillment of a lifetime of hard work by all of us. Many died along the way that I wished could have seen the couples joining hands in marriage at the county building. How proud they would have been to see couples their grandchildren's age exchange vowels their mothers and fathers did before they were born. We have come a long ways baby, thank you Ben Williams, but we all know you will never retire,  from my Cold Dead Hand.

 

Chuck Whyte wrote: You and I and many more have been part of this Community for countless years , We were part of the foundation of this community and we continue to this day to do whatever we are able to do to make this Community a better place for all members of Our Community, We need to stand tall and proud for what we accomplished , we also need to be willing to step aside and let those who are making what we feel are mistakes, make them and hopefully they will learn from their mistakes.......If they do not it will never be our fault, always remember that we did our part and we did it great, we learned from our mistakes , and continue to hold our heads up high with PRIDE and HONOR........

 

Bill’s brother Ross Poore said Ben you are the conscience of the history of the gay community in Utah, you also care too much to move on. Your thoughts are needed. Your challenges and questions asked are very vital. Fight on.

 

Ron Holmgren added In the future there will be no need for Pride Centers and Pride Parades because gays will be so accepted that we will just be people. The pioneers of the gay movement will have accomplished their goals....equality. It is coming, but many of the pioneers like Ben William will be gone. But what they have accomplished should be honored and remembered.

 

Others who encouraged me to fight the good fight were Shaun Terrill who said, This member of the next generation below yours appreciates all your efforts and accomplishments. Laura Trent said, Thank you for everything, Ben! Time for you to fix yourself a strong drink and relax with the doggies... and Bob Henline wrote; Love you, Mr. Ben.

 

Sometimes you have to be reminded why you do what you do.

 

2 February 2014 Sunday

The Dogs got me up to early wanting their treats… I finished some laundry and clean the kitchen but didn’t do much else. I watched Steel Magnolias to see if the DVD turned out…Michael Ferguson wanted to see it but I bet they have already.

 

I wrote Kyle finally but other than picking Michael Romero up at the airport nothing special about Super Bowl Sunday. The actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman overdosed on Heroin in New York today. What a waste of talent.

 

Dear Kyle, I got your two letters was a surprise to have a second one so quickly. I noticed that your address had changed on the envelope but I suppose my earlier letters got to you okay any way.

 

            Sorry it took me a while to respond. I came down with a little chest infection from the air pollution we had for a couple of weeks and was not sleeping well from night coughing. Then last week I was exhausted from Parent Teachers Conference.  But February is here now and won’t be long until Spring comes around again.

 

            Well Gay marriage is on the back burner until April 10th when the 10th Circuit court will hear Utah’s arguments why people should not be treat equally beyond religious prejudices.  That’s my birthday.  I hope I will get a present that day but doubt if they will decide for weeks because Oklahoma’s is being heard on April 17th.

 

So the only big issue this legislative session is the anti-discrimination bill and a bill to force kids in school to only use the gender assigned at birth for bathroom use…

 

            Utah made the national news about throwing away school children’s lunches because they owed money… So much for Utah values…No free lunch for you.

 

            So why did you move pods? Was it because you left the print shop? I think that was a wise decision especially if you saw yourself retreating into the thinking that got you in trouble in the first place… that may be your life long 12 step issue.

 

            The hounds are all fine… Lucky is such a sensitive boy and a sweet heart… sure not ornery like Smokey was. I am babysitting Coco this weekend. Michael flew down to Phoenix … I think he has a new boyfriend.  I am drifting away from him more and more. If it wasn’t for Coco I doubt whether I’d see him anymore. We lived together 17 years.

 

            Charles Frost is still looking for work but he has written a new play for his Dottie S Dixon character. He wants to do it over Christmas at the Salt Lake Acting Company.  I don’t see Michael Ferguson and Seth Anderson much anymore now that they are celebrities and in  high demand. That’s okay they should be with people their own age.

 

 Jim Dabakis is having a good time as a state senator. He’s so congenial.  I had Amy Barry and Bill Poore over Friday night for a pizza and a movie. We watch The Butler…  I was surprised how much I remember everything that was in the movie about Black Civil Rights…

 

Saturday I took Chuck Whyte to Panda Buffet for the Asia New Years.  He’s doing okay volunteering at the Crossroads Urban Center and the Pride Center.  That place is a mess and I am done trying to be involved with it.

 

            I specifically asked to be on the Dr. Kristen Ries Award committee to maintain integrity and confidence in the award however then I find out they are already calling for nominations without first publishing the qualifications... Nor have I received as much a courtesy email or call from these people... I guess that is the way things are done these days... People running things that have no clue to what they mean or how they got there.

 

Charles Frost said that Debbie Berdan stepped down from the board to run Pride Day since Megan Risbon quit and he said she hates me as a trouble maker so there is no way they are going to involve me…I just don't get why the Pride Day Committee think they have to get a celebrity as Grand Marshall for the parade and pay them 1000's of dollars when we have some of the best people right here in Utah who would be sterling candidates, who would consider it an honor, and who would do it for free... are the pride day committee that out of touch or is our community so shallow that they have to be dazzled to have pride?

 

The first Grand Marshal was Dr. Kristen Ries who nearly single handily dealt with the AIDS crisis in our community. Our last one was a Canadian athlete whose only claim to fame was coming out of the closet and being available for elitist parties so the swells could suck cocaine off his dick. Have we sunk that low?

 

A grand marshal is a person honored as the ceremonial marshal of a parade not some paid and bought for minor celebrity who is willing to come to Salt Lake City on the cheap and be cheap.

 

As the 28th anniversary of my coming out as a Gay man in Salt Lake City approaches on the 4th, I think it’s time to retire from the Utah scene of Gay activism. It’s a new generation, many who were toddlers or not even born, when we old timers laid down the ground work for the emergence of a Gay community in Utah. It was not simply natural evolution as some think…it was steady revolution... but we built what we needed and created the frame work; which the professionals took over, people who were furthering their careers while ours were on hold furthering the cause of social justice for Gay people.

 

I am probably not alone in feeling alienated from the new LGBTQIA paradigm but it’s okay...I am not going to have to spend much of my future in it... There used to be a general consensus in the words Power to the People... not so much anymore... Power to the Grant writers... The issues that dominate today are driven by grants and salaries, it seems queer that straight people run organizations built by and for Gay people created to reflect our awareness, consciousness raising, and self-esteem issues.

 

There are 100s maybe thousands that are better off because I came out of the closet... of that I can say I’ve had a life well lived... Now it’s time to bow out from being a public figure ... turn it over... take a deep breath... and enjoy my forthcoming Golden Years. Some people will really be relieved… I intend to be one of them.

 

As kids come out earlier and earlier and parents are educated more and more and Gays are not stigmatized by religion and society there will be no need for help lines, Gay conscious raising, rallies, and protests, and Gay specific therapy... I would always hope there would be a Gay true community center just as there's a Jewish Community Center for a place to celebrate and a parade and a day in the park to celebrate Stonewall and a sense of a historical and cultural identity...

 

But this warped concept of the center we have today and Pride Day being nothing more than a prop for the egos of some people and a cash generator, I hope will someday be gone....that is what I am quitting... They are beyond repair...

 

Also I am quitting the LGBTQA paradigm...spending my last days as an aging Gay man supporting that underserved spectrum of the rainbow...

 

I am going to concentrate on compiling my journals and archives now...the trouble is outside of academia within the youth culture of much of Gay life...history is not valued any more than grandmas shoes... Even the so called leaders have no connection with what preceded them nor do they care...

 

 I am making sure my records will go to the U of U special collection of the Marriott library for future researchers... I am already helping Seth Anderson with his master’s in history with giving him full access to my archives... I have written 1200 word articles for the Q twice monthly for 10 years...that is a lot of material on Gay History itself if it was compiled into books... I have written more extensively on Utah Gay History than anyone else in Utah but because I don't have a PhD on have not published a book I am dismissed in the professional circle of social workers that think they know best.

 

In a conversation with Bob Henline, who elucidated that the pride center needs to decide if they're a community center, an advocacy group, or a social services agency I thought wow...if an educated straight ally gets this why doesn't more Gays?

 

 I responded that The Pride Center should not be in the position to make that decision... the Community should run the center not the center run the community... We have plenty of social service agencies who cater to Gays, Equality Utah advocates for us as well as the Stonewall Democrats and Log Cabin assholes... what we need is a center, a heart, a welcoming space... a centering spot... a retreat from the bombardment of heterosexualism... if Gays were in charge Heteroes would certainly need an escape from show tunes and hot guys gushing over Downton Abbey... now you know why I should retire and keep my mouth shut. [lots of laughter]

 

It is telling to me how little the Board of the Pride Center even cares about the history of Gay people in Utah... I know Valerie Larabee was quoted that she didn't care what happened in Utah before she became Ex Dir.

 

Often times I had offered to hold history classes at the center for free and she wouldn't have anything to do with it... Recently historian Connell O'Donovan offered to teach classes on Gay history at the center after Valerie was run off... Still nothing...

 

I dare say the people on the Board are not interested in history because they have no connection with it... ask any on the Board if they can name all the directors before Valerie and the Board Presidents... They are ignorant of the people and events that built this community but they sit on a board and think they run things...

 

The old Utah Stonewall Center had a commitment to preserving our past and honoring our heroes...we had a full archive, O'Donovan taught a history class that board members attended. I had a historical lecture series with guests like Patty Reagan, Bob Waldrop, Luci Malin telling their stories... We even had Stonewall in our name as a historical reference so young people could be educated...We had a history- a Proud History... All undervalued by the center that took USC's place...

 

I guess it's easier to control people when they don't know who they are and where they came from... To me this is the true failure of the 9 year regime of Valerie Larabee which is being perpetuated by a board chosen by her.

 

Well I guess I crabbed long enough… Gay Marriage is coming to Utah…Valerie Larabee is deposed… I am happy…time to let others care about a community or let it go. Miss you more than I can say Ben  PS Daisy says hi

 

5 February 2014 Wednesday

I was up at 5 this morning to make sure I left the house on time for faculty meeting because I had to give a presentation with Liz Beck on a chapter out this math book that we had been assigned. It went well but of course I was tired for the rest of the day.

 

  Space camp presentation was supposed to be today but they never showed up so I guess it will be tomorrow.

 

I had my financial planner, Tyler Ferguson, show up today during lunch.  He assured me that I will be able to retire at 64 and I will be fine. In fact he said I’d probably get $7000 in an early retirement bonus as well as maybe $9000 in sick leave and personal leave days never used up.  I have about $72,000 in stocks that is being transferred to low risk accounts now and I will be able to have my pension as well as Social Security at 64. So a year for now I will start all my paper work to start my retirement.

 

I made a chicken pot pie casserole for dinner. It’s a new recipe so I guess I will see if it’s any good.

 

6 February 2014 Thursday

This is a letter I received today from Kyle Foote. Dear Ben, the sun is shining today the first time in over a week. But as the earth is just a few degrees off axis in the wrong direction the bright sun and clear skies only means bitter cold. It’s like God’s twisted joke; a reminder of reminder of warm summer days gone past and of a spring yet to come.

 

For the past week we were pounded for three separate snow storms. The first two dropped half a foot each, the trailing storm left only an inch or so in its wake. As least we have the making of a healthy runoff and a green spring.  I’m sure many a skier is thanking the Gods for fresh powder.

 

I was happy to receive your letter today. I have no room to complain about how long it took you to write it as I am guilty of the same times ten. I was especially glad to see Daisy’s smiling at me at the end of the letter. It’s the little things we miss most in prison and cuddling up with your pups is one thing I miss dearly. It saddens me to no end that the pups are unlikely to be around when they finally decide to release me.

 

 I recently made the mistake of reading a Terry Goodking fantasy book. It came highly recommended by a friend, one whose recommendation I won’t be heeding in the future. I knew going in that I didn’t normally enjoy fantasy fiction and the book proved to be no exception. I don’t think I’ll ever read another author who uses so many words to describe so little.  The first two hundred of nearly 800 were dedicated to chasing a rogue chicken around a small village to determine whether or not it was possessed. I’ll save you the trouble with reading it. It was possessed.

 

If I didn’t have some god forsaken need to finish every book I start I would have given up in disgust at numerous points. As it is, I barely, only just, resisted throwing the thing in the trash to save any potential future readers from falling victim to this monumental waste of pulp, glue and ink! I’m placing Terry Goodkind in the same column as Stefanie Meyers and her Twilight series: ashamed that I did and will never do again. Which happened to be the same place where I keep a number of my boyfriends and most of my trysts.

 

Speaking of Michael, I had a dream with you, him and I in it. I was showing off a house that I wanted to buy. It was a rundown mess with a huge yard and I was in love. He had Coco with him and you were both duly impressed with the house. Then we were off to Ambers for breakfast, just like old times. Just a pleasant little dream of better times in my past and perhaps good times yet to be.

 

It is sad that after living together for seventeen years your relationship with Michael has devolved into nothing more than a perfunctory convenience of dog sitting with occasional holiday meals at the Giles. Michael is nothing if not an expert grudge holder with or without reason. If he has found someone one to love then good for him. I wish him well.

 

Speaking of wishing him well, did he get his place back together and secured? Did he manage to replace his stolen toys? I think you are wise to concentrate your energy into compiling your journals and archives. You need to spend your golden years preparing your legacy for future generations.

 

You could publish a series of books with all that you have. The first one could be on 1850 to 1950’s and then each one could cover a decade from 1850 to now.

 

The Ben Williams I know doesn’t need a stinking PhD or anybody’s permission or accolades to make sure the torch of Gay Utah history is passed safely down to future generations. It’s sad to dwell on but I think now I have spent more time behind bars than  in the times we first met at Deb and Carla’s anniversary party.

 

I’m sure you, being the chronologist that you are have a better idea than I of the exact times. But such are the seeds that I sowed. I have caused you far more grief and heartache than any friend deserves. I guess life is full of if only and should haves. Know this I deeply regret any pain I’ve caused you and I value your friendship and support more than you can ever know.

 

Keep the home fires burning and as always give my love to Buddy, Daisy, and Lucky as well Coco too and of course save some for yourself. With love Kyle.

 

 

 

7 February 2014 Friday

It was a Difficult day. Levon Mirakyan started texting me at 4:30 in the morning about being miserable and fighting with Dave Robinson and his new roommate Nick. Finally I went and picked him up at 6 in the morning and brought him home. He wants to move to California because nothing is working out for him here. So I left him my Horizon Debit card to buy a plane ticket and went off to work.

 

About 2 I get a call from the office that my bank called and said that I might have a fraudulent charge on my card Thinking that it was just Levon I left for my bank and found out that it wasn’t. Someone hacked in to my account and stole $30. I was glad it was just that amount but I had to put a block on my card and now it’s useless until I get a new one in about 10 days… Ugh and I really liked that pin. It was easy to remember.

 

 S I went to America First and transferred a $1000 in to my checking account so I can use my debit there.  When I got home I bought Levon his plane ticket $203 to fly into Long Beach…

 

Later Bill Poore came over because I baked him a banana nut bread for his birthday and we just had a visit about everything.

 

8 February 2014 Saturday

Well I don’t know what is going on with Levon Mirakyan . At 1 this afternoon we went over to Charles Frost so Levon could say good bye and I brought over a banana nut bread for Doug because it was his birthday.

 

We stayed an hour and the Levon wanted to stay in the city to say good bye to some people and I guess to get some of the money that Dave Robinson owes him. Then he called me at 2:30 to come get him, so I go back into the city and its cold and rainy and I am supposed to pick him up at Dunkin Donuts but he’s not there. He’s at the Library,  I guess with Nick and Dave.

 

After waiting 20 minutes I told Levon that he can just take Traxx home because I have things to do and that I didn’t appreciate him having me come all the way back into the city for nothing. I didn’t hear from him the rest of the day and now its 9 p.m. and he’s says he’s finally coming home. I have no idea whether he’s moving to California or back in with Dave. Ugh! But I am done saving his ass.

 

Bob Henline and Troy Williams are at war with each other. I wonder what crawled up Troy’s ass.

 

I made a beef pot pie that turned out pretty good. I made it like my Chicken Pot pie. I over cooked the cabbage leaves for dinner tomorrow with Jim Dabakis so I will have to buy another cabbage head.

 

 

 

9 February 2013 Sunday

Enjoyed dinner with James Dabakis but not happy with the dinner I made... I made stuffed cabbage and after cooking them for 50 minutes they still weren't done! Jim being polite was eating them but I said I promise him something better next time. Lesson learned don't try something new when serving a guest,  stick with the tried and true.

 

Michael Ferguson and Seth Anderson’s Queen’s tea was about the only thing I was pleased with at my dinner.. Oh well can't hit a home run all the time...

 

I had fun just watching Jim in action... He's the Ever Ready Bunny [laughing out loud] I wish I had his energy ... Fun to be with someone remembering our warrior days...

 

Jim wrote on my Face Book page Delightful food and conversation. Anyone else old enough to remember My Dinner with Andre?.

 

After we had eaten Jim was getting all these different phone calls and he went into the bathroom at one time to talk to talk in private. I didn’t mind because after all he is a state senator but later he came out and was talking in the front room on the phone with Troy Williams, Brandi Balkin, and Donna Weinholtz…He even turned the speaker on his phone so I know he wanted me to hear what was being said.

 

 There is going to be an orchestrated demonstration tomorrow to protest the demise of Senate Bill 100 in what Jim kept calling the Star Chamber referring back to the kings appointed courts of England.

 

Jim was going to claim deniability and let Troy be the organizer but he was doing the instructing, asking that only non-chanting types be invited.  Jim plays to the middle…where things get done. I play to the left and get to shout and be noisy [lots of laughter].

 

Brandi kept bringing up the issue of fairness and that is the message that needs to be kept out front… So tomorrow should be interesting to say the least.

 

10 February 2014 Monday

I was so tired today at school. I was doing good just to be there. I don’t know whether I am coming down with something or not.

 

I sent a message to Michael Aaron this morning telling him that Activists would be at the state Capitol demanding that Senate Bill  100 be heard from conversations I listened to yesterday. From conversations I had at the dinner with Jim Dabakis last night, it sounded like there is going to be a news story/protest/demonstration at the Senate Chamber at 10 this morning.

 

Michael Aaron wrote back, Today?? Ugh. I have a sales staff meeting. I said, There’s a protest of SB100 involving Brandi and Troy with Troy trying to get arrested ... You did not hear this from me [laughing out loud]. I just heard Jim on the phone with various people yesterday.

 

Michael responded, I wonder how successful this kind of tactic can be. I also said to Micale that I asked Jim to ask Troy to tapped down the rhetoric about Bob; that he is way over the top and that Bob has done more for this community in terms of helping than Troy. I  said it wasn't Troy investigating the center’s shenanigans [laughing out loud]. Jim said the protest is meant to be a type of shaming ... No chanting or yelling in fact he was telling Troy to keep it civil but Troy wants to be Mr. Martyr. I’d Hate for anyone to shoot Troy because I'd hate to have a Troy Williams Holiday [laughing out loud]

 

Michael wrote, Hmmm... Other than vocalizing, there's not much you can do to get arrested. I guess you can silently hold signs.

 

I responded I told Jim that you and the Q SL have a greater credibility in the community than Troy will ever have except to his sycophants. He was the biggest anti-Mormon until Building Bridges came a long... He swings like a weathervane depending on which way the wind blows

 

Michael said that Troy Williams is trying to make amends and wrote, Jim kind of ignores us unless he's trying to stir something up. He's nice enough to me, but I think it's the nice that most people get, unless he wants something from the Men's Choir. First met him in 1983 when I was on his radio show. I was pretty green then.

 

I wrote, Always a politician but aren't we all... I like Jim a lot... But we don't agree on letting money people run this community... I feel like Jim hears from me what others won't say. Which is a good thing. My problem is, I don't want to be part of the Salt Lake A-Gays because I don't care for them much. Too snooty, too many drugs. They look down their noses at some in the community and turn around and do the same things themselves.

 

He and I have similar back grounds ... Converts ... Out of staters... Issues at BYU... He helped establish Affirmation in 1980... And he wasn't always rich just a big mouth like me... But I really feel he genuinely likes people and not just a turf protector. 

 

I asked him why don't they attend community events... Activities at the bars ... Why must there be a VIP section? I asked what the hell has Kent Frogley ever done to qualify his position on the board? I said  to Jim I know many ordinary Gays who want nothing to do with the center anymore.

 

Then I wrote Michael I guess it's the Governor's Office, not the Senate Chambers

 

They must have had a change of plans after Jim left because Jim said the Senate Chamber is not very accessible.

 

Then the rest of the school day I was texting with Charles Frost as events unfolded. Eric Ethington is twittering his brains out about the action.

 

It was very hard to concentrate on school. Maybe it's time to be allowed to sit with the white folk.

 

72% of Utahns want a Non-Discrimination bill to protect Gays and Trans. SB 100 was killed with no input what-so-ever from anyone and was decided in a closed caucus with no discussion from anyone outside the closed caucus. This is not the American way but is the Utah way.

 

So a  group of 20 Gay Rights activist are blocking Governor's Office demanding that SB 100 be heard.... the anti-discrimination bill that most of Utah’s Population supports, protecting Gay and Trans citizens from acts of discrimination in the workforce and housing.....

 

When the activists moved to block the Senate chamber, Thirteen of the protestors at the state capitol were arrested. Jim Dabakis,  who orchestrated it behind the scenes most of the protest today,  wrote, Hmmmm. Swallow free. Protestors in jail!

 

When so called protest organizer Troy Williams was  led away in handcuffs he yelled, With Liberty and Justice for ALL!.

 

I am proud of Salt Lake City’s civil disobedient dozen ... or 11 or 13 depending on who is posting. Michael Aaron only had 11 names and there were 12 people in Jim Dabakis’ photo.

 

According to Michelle Turpin the following were arrested, Matthew Anderson Conway, Kevin Scott Garner, Steven Randall Germann, Jacob Joseph Hanson, Angela Jo Isaacs, Matthew James Landis, Orlando  Luna, Gail Ellen Murdock, Dustin James Trent, Gail Mildred Turpin, Michelle  Turpin, Donna Marie Weinholtz, and Troy Donald Williams

 

Going to bed now... I’ve been worn out all day... I had to bake a cake for my faculty party or I'd be a sleep now...

 

11 February 2014 Tuesday

Levon Mirakyan came over after school and finished getting my computer back to normal...He got my printer working, my blog working, and I am a happy camper again. So I took him to East Sea for Chinese Food... It’s the best Chinese on this side of town... Now I need to down load all my files off of my external drive back onto this computer... yay for techno savvy friends. There were a protest at the state capitol. Shirley Temple died today age 85.  There goes another icon from the Golden Era of movies.

 

12 February 2014 Wednesday

 

Today is Fran, my ex-wife’s 69th birthday. Brought my apple sauce cake in for the Faculty treat day and I suppose it was good even if it sank a little.

 

I got after some of the kids big time today even taking one off SEM and Student Council for not doing his work and behavior.

 

After work I fed the dogs and then took my laptop into the city to have Levon Mirakyan check out the USB port that I couldn’t get working for my external hard drive.

 

 After dropping it off I went over to see Charles Frost and give him the bottle of wine that Jim had given me last Sunday. I figured he’d enjoy it more than I would. He already was a little tipsy from a big martini he was enjoying.

 

He’s coming over Friday to hot tub and talk about all his job options that are pouring in. One is for Executive Director of the Youth Out Reach Program because Marian Edmonds is moving to California for a better job.  So we will talk about all that in the hot tub.

 

I told him that Kyle Foote wrote me a sweet letter that came today. Charles then said that he’d like to go down to Gunnison with me sometimes. Charles was also very upset about Donna Weinholtz participation in Monday’s arrest saying he felt she had been pressured and I said she was one of the ones organizing with Jim Dabakis but he was being overly sentimental [lots of laughter]

 

When Doug Lott came home I left and Levon said the computer was okay and nothing needed fixing so I went over there and retrieved it. He had worked today at his internship so he was tired himself.

 

I got home nearly 8 in the evening and was too tired to do much more than go to bed.

 

13 February 2014 Thursday

The kids are wearing me out even though I like them but they are turning into 7th graders right before my eyes. I stayed late until almost 4:30 getting prepared for a substitute for tomorrow. Preparing for a sub is often more strenuous than working.

 

 Dropping off Coco, Mike Romero said he’s heading down to Cedar City for the weekend to spend some time with Peter his new boyfriend but he should be back in time for Coco to get her haircut on Monday.

 

Back home I spent the rest of the evening backing up files burning some discs and trying to get my cyber life back in order.

 

I did write Kyle a letter before going to bed.

 

A judge in Virginia over turned their ban on same sex marriages. Times are changing fast.

 

My nephew James contacted me to pay back the money I lent him last year. It was about $1500. I said just send me $500 and put the rest in a savings account for his family for rainy days. I said save it for emergencies because in life there’s always emergencies.

 

I wrote to a few of the Capitol 13 to say thanks for being arrested even though personally I don’t care for some of them.

 

To Troy Williams of Equality Utah I wrote: Troy thank you for your bravery and convictions. Keep adding to your legacy of doing good and if you feel so inclined try to be a little kinder to Bob Henline...I know he can be difficult and rough but he is a good guy in his heart. We all walk in our own pain... we are here to heal the broken hearted as well as to liberate the captives...

 

To Matt Landis whom I’ve known since the early 90’s: Very proud of you ... You can take the boy out of Queer Nation but you can't take the Queer Nation out of the boy. Matt responded Ah... Thank you, Ben. That means a lot to me. Xo.

 

To Donna Weinholtz a wealthy friend of Jim Dabakis I wrote: Thank you for your courageous act. She wrote back: I am humbled by the outpouring of love. thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

To Michelle Turpin who is Jim Dabakis financial accountant lawyer I wrote: My computer was down or I would have written sooner to say thank you for your courage, your convictions, and your generosity so that others can live free.

 

To Gail Turpin who is Michelle Turbin’s aunt: Thank you for your courage. Gail: Thank you so much, Ben. It was my honor to be arrested.

 

To Orlando Luna who is a foreign student being supported by Michelle Turbin and who had dated Kyle Foote, I said: Thank you for your courage and he said You're welcome. Never been prouder of such event:) Thank you for the support. And I replied As well you should... As a historian I know who heroes are and you are. Orlando said Thank you,  that means a lot coming from. You.

 

To Mat A Conway who is an aide to Jim Dabakis I wrote: Thank you As an old warrior I am in awe. Conway-Of course It was for everyone.

 

The others I wrote to, I don’t really know their back stories. To Kevin Garner I wrote, Thank you for your courage and conviction and standing on the side of equality....To Steven Germann I wrote, Thank you for your heroic convictions. And he replied, It was my pleasure! To Dustin Trent- Thank You.

 

To Angela Isaac-you don’t know me but I wanted to thank you for your courage and convictions for equality for all. I write a column for the Q and am a community historian. She replied back Hey Ben. Thank you for that. I was really grateful and humbled to be a part of that whole process. I just want to do my small part as an ally to move things forward. You are kind.

 

To Jake Hanson who I’ve met but don’t really know I said to him, I would have written sooner but my computer was down. I just want to say thank you and how I admire your convictions and courage. You can be so proud of who you are. I know I am.

 

To Gail Murdock-Gail you don’t know me but I am a community historian of sorts and write a column for the Q. I want to thank you for being incredibly brave and standing on the side of equality. I am in awe.

 

This is the letter I wrote Kyle Foote today. Dear Kyle, Hope you are well and recovered from your fantasy novels. Stick to your history books. They are scary enough. Lol.

 

I got your letter dated from February 6th , yesterday on the 12th, so I writing now before time slips away again. I have been so tired lately that it’s been hard to keep up with things. It’s only been 10 days since I wrote you and so much has been happening that I am just worn down.

 

On the 5th I talked to my financial planner and it looks like I will be okay to retire after the next school year (2014-2015). I won’t be taking trips or living the high life but I will be able to keep the roof over my head and not have to live on cat food. Buddy, Daisy, and Lucky are glad for that.

 

I will be 64…just like the Beatles Song … God I was a teenager when that song came out and it won’t be very long until I am 64. Maybe that is why I am getting so tired dealing with 6th graders this year.

 

School is changing so much and how they want us to teach, that it is time to retire.

 

 The next few days, Levon Mirakyan called me saying how unhappy he is living with Dave Robinson and on Friday morning at 4:30 he texts me and says he’s being bullied and fighting with Dave and Nick, this 20 year old that moved in with them… he sounded so miserable and said he’s moving to Los Angeles…

 

So I said I’d come get him at 6 in the morning to get him away, and I did before school. He then asked if I’d buy his plane ticket and he’d pay me back when he got a job there and I said sure… I am about the only family he has in Utah.

 

Then at school about 2 in the afternoon I get a call from my bank saying there appears to be fraudulent charges on my debit card…thinking it was just a mixed up; it turned out however that someone had hacked my card and charged $30 to my account on the 2nd of Feb. So they blocked my card and I have to get a new one which won’t come for two weeks ugh!

 

I wasn’t completely helpless because I had a debit card through another Credit Union so I put money in that account and came home and bought Levon a $200 ticket to L.A.  To make a long story short by Sunday Levon made up with Dave and Nick and got an internship at this graphic design place.

 

Then Jet Blue wouldn’t refund $150 of the ticket so I was left holding the bag for that.  Kids! Well its only money.

 

Anyway then my stupid computer crashed and I was without it to write you or anything for about 3 days. Levon is a wizard with computers so he got everything back in working order.

 

I heard on NPR that because of technology we have become cyborgs… needing technology as much as air…I believe it. Felt so helpless not being able to keep up with my history blog, write in my journal, and Face Book. So I am just going to let Levon pay me back by keeping my technology running [lots of laughter].

 

Sunday the 9th I invited Jim Dabakis over for dinner. I figured he never gets a home cook meal during the Legislature period and his husband Steve took off to Mexico for the rest of the session. I wanted to make him a nice dinner and I thought cabbage rolls sounded good. I hadn’t made them in ages and I thought they would be special. Wrong I cooked them for 50 minutes and they still were raw in the middle. A disaster meal and I felt so bad… but we ate around it and had banana vanilla cookie pudding for dessert.

 

Hell I will never make that again. I should have stuck with a meat loaf, a roast, or enchiladas.  Oh well he had a nice time and played with the dogs.  He mentioned how he thought about seeing you when he was down there last year but didn’t know the protocol. He didn’t know how the big wigs there would have taken it asking to see an inmate.

 

Speaking of inmate you need to send me some forms to get Charles Frost on your visiting list. He said he wanted to go with me sometime if they allow two to go and I said I think so because I have seen other inmates with two people. 

 

Anyway I had been running in and out of the city for about 7 days for various reasons and just have not gotten much down time just for me. Tomorrow I am taking off to see my doctor for a check-up and Monday is a holiday so I hope to get some rest then.

 

The house is so cluttered that I will probably have to spend half my time house cleaning. It’s been raining here instead of snowing so lots of little muddy feet tracking in and out of the doggy door.  You just replaced that about 3 years ago and its falling apart already  from constant use.

 

I met you on July 17th.  You moved in with me on the 1st of October 2010 and moved out the last day of September 2011.  Yes we only lived together one year.

 

Mattias Lumaca, Ben Anderson’s Italian Husband is using the truck. He’s paying me $80 a month for its use. Its only until April. He’s a ski instructor and parks it at the mouth of Little Cottonwood. He wanted Ben to have their only vehicle so he could go to doctor appointments.

 

I guess you heard of the Capitol 13 which we are calling the Gays and allies who were arrested Monday the 10th for protesting Senate Bill 100 being held up in committee and not given a fair hearing. It’s the anti-discrimination bill. Lots of well-connected people, Troy Williams, Matt  A Conway, Kevin Garner, Steven Germann, Jake Hanson, Matt Landis, Orlando Luna, Dustin Trent, Angela Isaacs, Gail Murdock, Gail Turpin, Michelle  Turpin, and Donna Weinholtz. I know Matt Landis from Queer Nation days. Michelle Turpin is Jim Dabakis tax lawyer, Gail Turpin is a 68 year old ally. Donna Weinholtz is an ally that has mega bucks. I know Troy Williams and Jake Hanson who is a Green activist. Gail Murdock was a woman who about ten minute before the arrest came and stood with the others to get arrested. She was in her 60’s and not sure if Lesbian or an ally. I don’t know anything about Angela Isaacs.  The others are gay boys in their 20’s who want to protest. It’s the first time in Utah history that Gays had a sit in and were arrested. They were booked in the Metro jail.

 

Well I know there is more to write but want to get this in the mail tomorrow. It seems that it takes about 10 days from the time I send a letter and I get one back.

 

I appreciate you sharing your dream about me and Michael. He didn’t replace all his toys just took the insurance bought a few things and then paid off his debts. I haven’t been to Ambers since going with you. I know it’s hard to think about how things could have been different.

 

I showed Jim Dabakis your deck you built for me and he said you had real talent. Well your life won’t be over when you get out…Just lessons learned and start life anew.

 

My life might be by the time you get out but just remember that you are worthy of great love and there is still plenty of time to do good and start a new life. I was 37 when I started teaching. I was 45 when I bought my first house.  I was in a prison of my own making having been married 10 years and not being openly Gay… You have 40 to 50 years ahead of yourself to erase the past and become the person you really wanted to be… married, a father, a provider, a builder…

 

The time we spent together cannot be measured in hours and minutes. It’s not the hours and minutes … it’s the depths of our hearts that counts. I never had any wealth or fame to speak of but my good name in our community is from good deeds, doing good for people, caring for others.

 

Things come and go. You are not measured by the things you possess but by your character… this experience must be the refiners fire to gets rid of your imperfections… if you don’t do good with your life once you are out…what good then will have been this experience?

 

You must become a complete truth teller, a completely authentic person, who knows you might even rediscover the lost boy within.  I am tired and probably just rambling and being pedantic so I will close for now.  I do not know why our paths crossed or what lessons we had to learn, perhaps to have a deeper appreciation of love.  Who knows. Don’t doubt I will ever stop being your friend. Love Ben

 

14 February 2014 Friday Valentine’s Day

I went to Doctor Stoneburner this morning at 8 in the morning but I forgot to get my lab work done because it’s been such a hectic week. I just plain forgot. My blood pressure was 140/88 so a little high but I had forgotten to take my pills too this morning in my rush. Good news is that I had lost another 5 lbs. even though the doc wanted me to lose 10 over the holidays. I guess I am going to have to join the gym and exercise. Ugh. He wants me to lose 10 lbs. by the next time I see him April 17th.

 

I then spent the morning cleaning and mopping floors. With all the rain we had this week my kitchen and dining room floors are a muddy mess with all the little feet coming in and out.

 

Charles Frost was going to come over and hot tub with me but he had to bail because his husband Doug Lott was in a car accident yesterday when a wanted Mexican slammed into his car. It was during last night rain, hail, lightning and thunderstorm. While the Mexican was being arrested Doug walked about two miles home.

 

So I was freed up for the rest of the day but at least my house is cleaner. I ended up watching Netflix because my brain was too tired to do any writing or thinking. Happy Valentine Days ha! I was even too tired to fix supper so ate cereal again.

 

Michael Romero called this afternoon and said he wasn’t taking Coco to Cedar City this weekend after all because another guy is going to be at Peter’s as well who has two really big dogs so he ended up dropping Coco off for a weekend slumber party.

 

  Well he has Monday off after all and this way he can also stay down there longer and not worry about getting her back up here for Coco to be groomed Monday.

 

 Mattias Lumaca said he and Ben wants to do something tomorrow and to pay me $80 for the use of truck through middle of march.  I guess I can use that to help pay for the doggies grooming which is $150 for all 4.

 

15 February 2014 Saturday

No one bought me flowers for valentines so I bought some myself on sale [laughing out loud] and a $10 box of Stover’s chocolate pecans on sale for $3.50... Ha! I love the day after single appreciation day for the discounted chocolate.

 

I finally got a column done for the Q and then had a long visit with Ben Anderson and Mattia Lumaca... Mattia paid me $80 for the use of the truck otherwise it was a quiet evening at home. Weird also that I received a $81 check from the University of Utah Hospital for an over payment. I need to still do my taxes.

 

16 February 2014 Sunday

A wicked storm is a coming as the winds are gusting and clouds darkening... In the city I dropped off a raspberry cheese cake for Doug Lott and Charles Frost and while waiting at Smiths for Bill Poore, the rains come.

 

I had a nice lunch chat with Bill Poore who won $1000 at Wendover last Friday...we first went up to Ruth Diner where there was an hour wait...forget that… so we went down to the University and ate at Ed's were the college boys eat...much better scenery than mountains [laughing out loud]

 

I love that college dive...had a good halibut sandwich which was Bill’s treat since he did good in Wendover [laughing out loud] When I left the city it was hailing but blue skies on the westside...

 

The best part of Salt Lake City is Groovin' on a Sunday afternoon... Taking a nap ... Hot tubbing and soaking the old bones... Now making some homemade onion soup for supper... The secret ingredient is cheap red wine...

 

I had the soup with a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato slices... I only made a single serving of soup I should have made more...it was easy... Onions sautéed in butter a good splash of red wine and two cups of beef broth... The Family Tree Dollar Store has the big cartons of chicken broth or beef broth for a buck...I always keep a couple on hand for stock…

 

The full moon is so beautiful over the mountains

 

17 February 2014 Monday Presidents’ Day

Dogs are all groomed and pretty this President Day... Thanks to Back Porch grooming and Stephen Bolinder. He came about 10:30 this morning and was out grooming  until nearly 3 in the afternoon. I gave him $80 in cash and 60 in a check and I also gave him a $25 gift certificate to Cracker Barrel someone had given me for Xmas.

 

Later Charles Frost dropped by. He was going to hot tub but instead wanted me to go with him to find the Maverick Headquarters on Redwood and Center Street in NSL for a job interview he has there this week.

 

I’ve been watching all the episodes of Brooklyn 99 a comedy cop show and have now started in on House of Cards.

 

18 February 2014 Tuesday

It's bad enough to have a restless night and not have to go to work but when you've had an up and down night and have to teach school, it's misery.  I’ve had antacid reflux, having to pee, dogs restless. Ugh.

 

Day went pretty smoothly although very tired. I heard that the 4th Grade teacher is finally retiring. She has not taught as long as I have but she’s been at Washington longer and she is 65.

 

19 February 2014 Wednesday

Space Camp Day … except for a late start because of a jack ass bus driver coming a half an hour late.  It’s an all-day program and I don’t do anything but watch and take pictures. It was kind of hectic for me but a good experience for the kids even if it does not align with the 6th grade core.

 

20 February 2014 Thursday

I had a movie and pizza night with J Seth Anderson and Michael Adam Ferguson. They wanted to come over and relax for a little bit so I bought a Papa Murphy’s spinach pizza and doctored it with olives, onions, and mushrooms. It was pretty tasty.

 

We visited just briefly… told them the latest shenanigans at the Pride Center which I am calling The Pride Bunker or The Pride Before the Fall Center. They won’t allow Chuck Whyte and others feed the homeless youth there anymore. 

 

We watched Steel Magnolia because Michael had never seen it and I don’t care how many times I see it no one can make me cry like Sally Fields .

 

They were gone by 8:30 so I could go to bed.

 

In the news Unlike Utah’s poor excuse of an Attorney General, Oregon’s AG is not defending their anti-marriage law.

 

No one batted an eye when Ben Cartwright on Bonanza raised three boys with Hop Sing or Steve Douglas raised three boys and adopted one with the help of Bud and Charlie O'Casey or rifleman Lucas McCain raising a boy by himself as did Porter Ricks in Flipper... Andy Taylor and Jed Clampett had female relatives to help out but back in the 1960s we knew children could be raised without a mom and a dad... dads’ did just fine.

 

Kyle sent me a letter: Dear Ben, I have a bit of good news for you, of late I have come to realize that I’ve developed a small, sweet tooth. More of one than I’ve ever had in my life at least. I’ve never really enjoyed cakes or pastries, but some of them turn out to not be so bad.

 

For instance once a month they serve cinnamon rolls for breakfast. The first time I tried one after I first got to Gunnison I couldn’t stomach more than a few bites of the outer slightly less frosted rings. The sugar was overwhelming, whereas now I can eat a whole one and enjoy it. Also every few weeks we get a slice of chocolate cake or brownie and I’ve come to enjoy those on the occasion we get them.

 

I don’t go so far as trading to get extra sweets like some do, but I enjoy and even look forward to the portion I get. Don’t get to excited though I still hate peanut butter and onions. Some things just don’t change.

 

I just finished reading a great book by a guy named John Jakes entitled North and South It’s a historical fiction set during the years leading up to the Civil War. It was published in the early 80’s and is the first of three books in a series. I need to track down the titles of the other books in the series so I can read them. The author did an amazing amount of research and the book was fairly well written.

 

I assume that you’ve heard of the book and possibly even read the series when it came out thirty years ago. I’m going to re-read the book so I can glean more of the historical details such as public opinion and events that were precursors to Civil War. I wish I had half the memory you do for dates.

 

The next school year will be your last, right? I imagine you are counting down the days! Then you can be free of the drama and demands of a public school system overwhelmed by too many kids and too little money. You will be free to focus on your writing and your archives. (and your health too!) I worry about you not taking care of yourself sometimes. I wonder how I would ever get notified if something were to happen to you. I’m not your legal next of kin or anything and I know Michael sure as hell wouldn’t write to tell me.

 

I’d be crushed if something happened to while I’m in prison though when I can’t be around be around to help you. I feel an obligation- no a connection to you. After all you’re really all the family I have. I’d want to be able to take care of the pups or get you to the doctor or, in the events of something dire, get your archives to the Marriott Library and see to your last wishes.

 

I care about you and your wellbeing and really I hope nothing bad befalls you while I’m locked up. Still I worry that something might and I’ll be the last to know.

 

There’s a small chance I might be moved to Draper, though I don’t know when or if it might happen. I long ago stopped questioning the logic of the system or expecting anything of them. The only nice thing about being in Draper would be the proximity for your visits. There aren’t as many programming classes up there though so all things considered I hope I stay here.

 

I started writing this letter yesterday in anticipation of your next letter which arrived this morning. You and I are clearly on the same wave length! I was in the middle of reading North and South as you wrote with the advice to stick to your history books! I agree, they are plenty scary.

 

It certainly does sound like you had a very eventful ten days. I’m glad Levon Mirakyan worked things out with his roommates, sorry it came at the expense of an unused plane ticket.  Fortunately you had him to fix your computer.

 

I’m also glad to hear that you are on track to retire after next year. Like I said above, you’ll be free to focus on the things you actually want to do with your time.

 

I’m sorry to hear that the cabbage rolls didn’t turn out for you and Jim. Fortunately it was just Jim who’s about as easy going a friend as you could want. It’s too bad he didn’t ask to chat with me when he was here last. These guys are intimidated by the legislature- I’m sure they would have gladly let us chat a few minutes. Tell him to ask for me next time he’s down here in some capacity and to not let the big burly guard intimidate him haha.

 

Speaking of visitors, I’m surprised that Charles wants to come along with you. I thought he was firmly in the anti-Kyle camp. Had I known he was a fence sitter I would have suggested you bring him along ages ago. I’ll request the proper paper work and send it out as soon as I have it.  Probably in my next letter. I’d be happy to see him anytime he wants to tag along with you.

 

Thank you for the list of names of the Capitol 13. I was curious who they were. One of them Orlando Luna, and I had a few romantic interludes that nearly threatened to become a relationship so I know him fairly well. He’s Michelle Turpin’s lap dog and one of Jim’s Latin charity cases as well.

 

I recognized many of the names and I know Matt Landis socially. My guess is that they were booked and released- so comparatively less than I am used to [lots of laughter]!

 

 It sounds like Michael did the wise thing with the insurance money. It’s a bit ironic being in here and acquainted with some of the characters in this place and hearing of crimes like what happened to Michael. I’ve listened to many a story now from those who were kicking in doors and taking what they wanted at gun point simply to satisfy their unquenchable thirst for drugs. It’s truly tragic for all involved, the victims and the perpetrators.

 

The worst case scenario is that I’ll be 47 when they let me out of this place best case I’ll be 37. I for one hope It’s much closer to the latter case than the former. I suspect in either case I’ll live a fine life for however many years I’ll have left to live.

 

 I am grateful that I have your friendship to count on for as many of the intervening years as possible. I have no doubt our friendship will last and I very much hope to at some point in the not too distant future, have breakfast with you at Ambers again. Love Kyle PS were you able to email Deirdre Paulsen or look her up on Face book to as her for her mailing address in Recife, Brazil?

 

21 February 2014 Friday

I deposited James’ $500 check in my American First Credit Union. I hope it doesn’t get hacked. It seems lately that a lot of peoples accounts are being hacked and money taken.

 

Didn’t really do anything much today when I got home. I went to Deseret Industries and bought some gym bags. I guess I am going to join Planet Fitness in Bountiful to get in some exercise after work.

 

I watched a few more episodes of House of Cards…Been watching about two a night.

 

I asked Levon Mirakyan to go to lunch with me tomorrow to catch up on his life.

 

Arizona passed a bill to allow discrimination of Gay people on religious grounds. It’s not signed by the Governor yet. It's gonna get exhausting for firmly held belief idiots in Arizona to ask all their customers if they are Gay so they can deny them services...

 

Does this law apply to gender identity too or just sexual orientation? Straights will have to stop mimicking Gay fashion or they might be discriminated against also... Evidently AZ law makers have been out in the sun too long without a hat.

 

I wrote Bob Henline to verify some information I heard from Chuck Whyte. Bob, I heard from Chuck that the Utah Pride Bunker has canceled Little C's program of feeding the Queer homeless youth on Saturdays... I had donated a toaster oven and a long electric pancake griddle to them so they could cook breakfasts easier but now I wonder what is going on? What possible activity could the Utah Pride Bunker be doing on Saturday that is more important than feeding some Queer kids? It certainly doesn't come out of any budget and they don’t turn the heat and electricity off over the weekends.

 

 I heard also that no warning was given to the kids and they will show up tomorrow and no one will be there... I thought the Bunker is supposed to have an outreach to Queer Youth? Oh well ... I wonder if I will get my stuff back so I can give it to an organization that will feed kids.   I am so over that group. I’d like to know what better use they can have of the Center on a Saturday morning than feeding kids... you can quote me. Bob responded by saying I'm on it, Ben. It's about control and ego.  I will be talking to Ha on Monday.

 

22 February 2014 Saturday

I had a nice lunch with Levon Mirakyan, my Armenian grandson, at Asian Isle in Salt Lake City. We had a nice visit and he said his nemesis, Nick, was kicked out by Dave Robinson so hopefully things will calm down now. I was just checking in on him...

 

I joined Planet Fitness in Bountiful today for $10 a month ... I hate exercising but I did... Now I am pooped... I am supposed to lose 10 lbs. and exercise so says my doctor but what does he know?.

 

I am so shallow ...I stood in the checkout line at Rancho Market because the checker was one of the most beautiful Spanish man I had ever seen like a young Tyrone Power ... Living on the west side of Salt Lake City has it's perks plus I bought three shopping bags of groceries for 12 dollars. I bought a lot of veggies.

 

I am bummed...I hate car trouble... My key is stuck in the ignition again... just had it fixed or so I thought last November...Ugh I have to unhook the battery otherwise it will drain it... So I won’t be going anywhere tomorrow and hopefully it will start Monday so I can at least get to work and to Lodders my mechanic that is by my school... frustrating.

 

 It's gonna get exhausting for firmly held belief idiots in Arizona to ask all their customers if they are Gay so they can deny them services... Does this law apply to gender identity too or just sexual orientation? Straights will have to stop mimicking Gay fashion or they might be discriminated against also... Evidently AZ law makers have been out in the sun too long without a hat.

 

23 February 2014 Sunday

Since I took the battery cable off the Cruiser, I couldn’t go anywhere so I sat down and finished my taxes... Each year I think I will do them myself but then just turn to Turbo Tax which costs about $100 almost my entire state return [laughing out loud]. I will get a little back from the Feds, about a little more than a $1000. In the evening Mattia Lumaca and Ben Anderson came over with the truck so I’d have a way to go to work in case the Cruiser doesn’t start.

 

24 February 2014 Monday

For all its touting, the UTA makes it impossible for people to live in Salt Lake City and work in Bountiful or Davis County for that matter... The only buses from Bountiful to Salt Lake City are in the morning with none leaving in the afternoon or evening... So much for an alternative way to work or go back home...

 

I didn’t drop the PT Cruiser off today because the key was just coming out without a hitch but when I got home it was sticking again so for sure I am taking it in.

 

I went to Planet Fitness after school for 40 minutes then came home to feed the dogs and take Coco home.

 

I went to bed early because I will have to get up early tomorrow.

 

25 February 2014 Tuesday

 

I dropped the PT Cruiser off early at 8 in the morning at Lodders and walked to school. When I called on it at 3:30 they were just beginning to look at it so I told them to keep it overnight and had Michael Romero come and get me.

 

26 February 2014 Wednesday

Went to Star Base in Layton with the kids. Now that I know what to expect it’s getting better but still makes for a long day.

 

The weather was absolutely beautiful today nearly 60 degrees. I picked my PT Cruiser up after work and had Matia Lumaca come up to Bountiful to pick up the truck at six.

 

However when I went to Smith’s to pick up some dog food the key was still sticking in the ignition. Fuck. I paid $66 for a new key to be made… If  the cruiser is not reliable anymore I will have think about getting rid of it although I love that car. I switch keys to come home and it came out easy then I guess we will see.

 

Governor Brewer veto the Arizona bill that allowed religious bigots to discriminate. I got a letter from Kyle today. I think he is getting a little depressed. Heard a federal judge over threw Texas’ ban on Gay marriage. That is a big deal.

 

27 February 2014 Thursday

It started raining about noon and has been coming down steadily ever since. We are getting a good soaking.

 

After work I went to get some lab work down because Dr. Stoneburner wanted me to get them down to refill my prescriptions and I am almost out. Really bad news with my ac1 sugar levels. Back sky high again. 10.3 I don’t know what I am doing wrong…I feel like I am eating healthy enough and I joined a gym… I wonder if it can be high because of stress because I am really stressed over the PT Cruiser  because of the sticking key… I tested my blood and the meter read 266 so that will be my goal to get it down.

 

I wrote Kyle Foote again. Dear Kyle, I received your letter yesterday. So I am writing today and will get it in the mail tomorrow.  Well February is over with and only a few more weeks until Spring again.  It’s raining pretty hard and steady here in Salt Lake as it all day. We can certainly use the moisture and better rain than snow. It’s been in the low 60’s for the past couple of days so it’s starting to feel like Spring any way.

 

My cruiser is starting to give me fits again about the key sticking in the ignition switch so that I can’t pull it out.  I took it to my mechanic and they had a new key made but it doesn’t seem to solve the problem because the new key is sticking too but at least I can get it out so far.

 

Mattia is using the truck until the first of April so I don’t have a backup vehicle which is worrisome to say the least. So I have been stressed out about that.

 

Last week I joined Planet Fitness which opened in Bountiful near my school. Its only $10 a month and very convenient. I have lost a few more pounds and am down to 238 so I am glad for that but I went in and had some lab work done and my blood sugars were really high again… 10.4. Last time they were 7.3 and they are supposed to be below 6.  So kind of worried about that.

 

I thought I was eating pretty good and losing weight  but I guess not. The doctor wanted me to lose 10 lbs. over the holidays and I did lose 5… Maybe the exercising might help bring my blood sugars down so when I go in and see the doctor in April he won’t yell at me.  I guess I shouldn’t have bought myself a box of chocolates for Valentines…[lots of laughter]…

 

Otherwise I feel pretty good.  Haven’t really been sick this year. I have been bored during February so I caught up on all the episodes of Brooklyn 9-9. It’s a fun show and on Netflix I watched all of the House of Cards with Kevin Spacey. The Oscars will have taken place by the time you receive this letter but I don’t care. I have not seen any of them.  I just don’t go to movies anymore.

 

Seth and Michael came over a week ago to watch Steel Magnolias. Michael had never seen it.

 

I guess you’ve heard that Gov. Brewer vetoed the law giving religious bigots the right to discriminate. There was a lot of pressure on her to do so including pulling the Super Bowl next year… Then Texas’ ban on Gay Marriage was ruled unconstitutional… That was sensational. Maybe I should move back to my home state in my old age and find someone who’d want to marry me.

 

North and South was a very popular book when you were a baby. Everyone read it. It was even made into a TV miniseries starring Patrick Swayze. The book is a trilogy North and South, Love and War, and Heaven and Hell all involving the same families. I bet they are in your library.

 

The legislators voted on moving the Draper Prison but haven’t decided where…most think it will be in Tooele County but that’s years away. If you are getting better treatment at Gunnison than Draper I hope they will let you serve out your sentence there.

 

I am glad you developed a sweet tooth and can enjoy life’s little pleasures just don’t be going and getting diabetes. We need to work on Onions next…one of life’s great culinary flavors.

 

If something happens to me I am sure Charles Frost or Bill Poore would find a way to let you know so don’t worry about that.  We never know what life will hand out to us… so many of the movie stars that were just a little bit older than me are passing away like Harold Ramis of Ghost Buster fame.

 

I sent Deirdre Paulsen a request on Face Book for a mailing address. I think she must be back now because her Face Book page says she is teaching at BYU.

 

Jim Dabakis orchestrated a meeting between the state legislators and 12 members of the Gay and Trans community.  It was the first time in our history a meeting like this occurred. Three hundred people from our communities showed up as well as 40 legislators.  It was the first time some of them had ever met a trans person.  Jim is doing really important things to break down barriers.

 

Only time I feel discouraged is when I think what you could be doing to advance the cause of Gay rights if you would have used your intellect and great skills for the right reasons.  But that is water under the bridge now… we all have regrets… some lessons are harder than others.

 

I am planning on coming down the first part of April during Spring Break. The weather should be better and I will have my truck back from Mattia by then.

 

If you are starting to like Historical fiction you should read anything by James Michener… his novels are epic…Hawaii is really good and my favorite was The Source… His books cover families over 100’s of years generational and are authentic and very detailed. Most of them are over a 1000 pages long.

 

Well friend, it’s getting late so I will close for now.  Just know I love you and think of you often. Be well.

 

28 February 2014 Friday

It’s the last of the month and now Spring can’t be too far away. Principal Liz Beck announced that the school will be open tomorrow so I just entered grades and got a few things done before taking off to the gym.

 

I tested my blood this morning and it was 166 so that is good news. I walked 1.5 miles on the tread mill for ½ hour and did some abdominal work. A little at a time. I don’t want to kill my hip like I did last August by going too fast.

 

I saw on the news that Russia is rattling sabers over the Ukraine crisis and probably sent Russian shock troops into the Crimea. Sounds like the cold war all over again.

 

After the gym, I went and got a haircut and did some grocery shopping. I gave Michael Romero my blackberry pie that I made last Tuesday. I told him my blood sugars were too high and I had to get them under control again.

 

Other than that I didn’t do anything this last day. So February is over and the main issues I had was with my PT Cruiser and car problems are always a head ache.

 

 

MARCH

1 March 2014 Saturday

Nice day today even if the weather was spotty. I  went to planet fitness about 12:30 after going up to school to work about an hour and after picking up my medicine from Smith’s Pharmacy. I was surprised to see my Face Book friend Al Miller there. I worked out for about an hour then went into the city at 2 p.m. to take my Armenian adopted boy, Levon Mirakyan to Chuck-a-Rama for lunch. He never had been before and you can't live in Utah and not eat at Chuckarama!

 

I did not over eat. I had a large salad, some roasted chicken and carrot salad and some tomato soup. Levon Mirakyan really liked it and afterwards we stopped at Zupa to get Dave Robinson a sandwich and soup so he wouldn’t feel left out [laughing out loud].

 

I then was off to visit with Charles Lynn Frost for a bit while down town. He accepted a position with Ogden’s Outreach. I think he is resigned to work within the Gay community since fate seems to be taking him in that direction.

 

Steve Ha is the new director of the Pride Center and is turning it into a Mental Health clinic which is making Jim Struve and Jerry Buie furious since there is already a Gay Guild of Therapists that are doing this already.

 

Chuck Whyte asked if I wanted to be one of the Pride Parade judges and I said sure why not? It will give me a place to sit. [lots of laughter].

 

The day couldn't make up its mind to rain or not...but it’s so clear you could see the Stansbury Mountains 70 miles away.

 

At home I had a bout of diarrhea… not sure what caused that because I don’t feel sick but I bundled up and watched a beautiful film called Cloud Burst on the importance of love and marriage equality ... Olympia Dukakis is fabulous in it.

 

I tested my blood twice to day. 131 this morning and 123 in the afternoon.

 

2 March 2014 Sunday

My Blood sugars were 150 this morning. I finished cleaning house, doing laundry and my ironing...thank God because my diet pill is wearing off. I crock pot some lasagna... Now we will see how it turned out ... By we, I mean Daisy, Buddy, Lucky, and I.

 

Why is it that eating healthy has to be such a bummer? Broccoli, cauliflower, and asparagus with my spinach lasagna... Banana Splits are healthy aren't they? The Oscars were tonight. 12 Year a Slave won as best picture. I spent some time on Adam4Adam trying to meet some guys.

 

3 March 2014 Monday

My Blood sugar level was 132 this morning and after school I went and worked out for 45 minutes at Planet Fitness before coming home and feeding the dogs.

 

4 March 2014 Tuesday

Good news this morning. My blood sugar was 119 but bad news at work today. This morning our principal Liz Beck told us that she is being transferred to Wasatch Elementary next year. I Knew this day was coming but was hoping not until after next year. So my last year teaching I will have a new principal. Ugh. Liz was such a great administrator and friend.

 

It rained almost all day and I had a data meeting after work until 4:45 and tomorrow there’s a 7:45 faculty meeting. I am going to have no interest next year keeping it together.

 

I also saw on face book that Marlin Criddle and David Turner are moving to Seattle.

 

5 March 2014 Wednesday

Got up early at 530 this morning because had an early faculty meeting where we learned what our numbers for next year means. We will probably have to do splits again. Ugh. That and Liz Beck leaving makes next year very iffy for me. Space Camp today…makes for a tiring day.

 

I also went to the gym and walked 1 ½ miles because my blood sugars was 156 this morning.

 

6 March 2014 Thursday

My Blood sugars were 123 this morning. Before leaving work, Adell called us into a meeting and said that Liz had given her resignation but she will be here next year as her last year. That cheered everyone up that we will have her for another year.

 

It rained a lot this evening and I went to bed about 7:30 when someone from Silver daddies sent me a message wanting me to go have sex with him. His picture  was cute and was 6 feet, 180 lbs. and a top. He was staying at the Hampton Inn near the airport but I didn't want to go out in the rain on a school night. So I turned down sex with a hot guy out at the airport. I must be getting old! But I sleep easier now.

 

Charles Frost wants to borrow by dads tortoise sunglasses for a photo shoot he is doing for the City Weekly.

 

Kyle sent me a letter today. Dear Ben, Thank you for the info on the rest of the North and South series. I’ll try to track down the second and third books. Due to a mold infestation the library has been shut down for about six months now. The prison had to throw away all the books that were not checked out and bring in a special contractor to do mold abatement. When this prison was built they decided on swamp coolers to save money but that just inserts a lot of moisture into the air with nowhere to go- thus mold!

 

There is no word as to when the library will be reopened and I’m not sure how long it will take them to replace all the tens of thousands of books they had to throw away. One good thing is I had all of my text books with me so they weren’t lost to the dumpster. Meanwhile though pickings for books are slim.

 

A new term started this week and I’ve really loaded up on classes. I’m taking Coast to Coast, a budgeting and financial management class. Personal Development  Doing Time Well, a VA class, Courage and Character, Forged by Adversity and a few other fun classes. I also signed up for a few hours a week for person family history research in the genealogy lab. I’m also about two months away from being finished with my five college classes. It’s a good kind of busy though!

 

 I don’t know that there’s hope for me and onions though I have been trying to improve on my character in other ways! A caseworker here named Warnock told me a great analogy that I’ve been thinking a lot about. It was a tradition among some Midwestern Indian tribes for the bravest of braves to lash their ankles together and stake themselves into the ground to prove their bravery in battles.

 

He told me I have spent my whole life trying to be everything to everyone, but in reality I was like a beautifully colored and shined apple that was infested with worms.

 

He told me I could succeed at anything I want so long as I do as those braves did and take a stand, lashing myself to my true identity without allowing worry of being accepted or fear of being rejected to define myself. Good advice!

 

You should have gotten a few pictures in the mail. They made me send them out because we are technically not allowed to have pictures of ourselves in our possession. I knew that and had intended to send them out some time ago, but over time I forgot. They were taken in Beaver County back in 2012 when I was high school tutor.

 

 What shoe size do you wear? I am crocheting some slippers for you for your birthday! I didn’t want to ruin the surprise but I figured  it was worth it to ensure they are the right size. Just let me know in your next letter so I can finish them in time.

 

I have enclosed the form for Charles to come visit. Just make sure he sends it to the address listed on the form and not to me. I’m excited you will be down next month- it seems like forever. The weather should be much nicer for sure.

 

I will let you know when Charles approved to visit so he can tag along. It will be nice to see him as well. Thanks for tracking down Deirdre’s address as best you could. My guess is her face book is out of date. She told me in her last letter they were leaving in January to serve an eighteen month mission as temple workers in Recife. I’m sure she will respond soon though. Just keep me posted when she does.

 

With the library closed and the book supply limited I have been doing a lot of crosswords in my spare time. Most of my magazines have expired or are set to in the next month. I was hoping you could look into subscribing to some for me?  The subscription services that cater to inmates tend to be on the expensive side and I figure you can find much better deals on line than I can get here.

 

There are ten magazines I would eventually like subscriptions to I’ve listed them in order of interest/ priority below. I also enclosed a couple of post cards with the price I would have to pay here. I’m not asking for all ten at once, just as you can and when you find a good price. Use this exact address as my mailing address- Warren Kyle Foote # 187422 CUCF PO Box 550 Gunnison Ut 84634-0550 1.The Week 2. Time 3. Newsweek back in print 4. Psychology today 5. This old House Magazine 6. Rolling Stones 7. Men’s Journal 8. Architectural Digest 9House Design and Architecture 10. Instinct (a Gay rag)  Well I’m gonna close this letter and get it in the mail. It’s always good to hear from you!  With Love Kyle

 

7 March 2014 Friday

My blood sugars this morning was 107… Yay.  After the kids went home for early out,  the faculty met to hash out the classes for next year and whether we will have splits. I guess LaRae is going to do the entire 6th grade by herself so I will have to move grades again and maybe even classrooms.

 

I went to the gym after work and at home I got an envelope in the mail from Kyle today. No letters just pictures of him and some inmates taken in 2012 while he was locked up in Beaver.

 

Elyse Gile was in a bad car crash but she was not hurt but car was probably totaled. Mike Romero went out to be with her since Randy Gile was far away on a detective job.

 

8 March 2014 Saturday

I tried cleaning house some this morning but am feeling really worm down. I have a sore inside my bottom lip and a little cold sore in the corner of my mouth so must be fighting off something.

 

At 11:30 I picked up Levon Mirakyan from his place and he wanted Chinese Food so we went to Little World and I am so over that place...The table was sticky...they didn’t have any diet drinks or iced tea... The waitron was rude and bitchy... I use to love that place but it’s gone done hill... Only one other couple there so not like the place was busy... but it was nice catching up with Levon.

 

He made some money selling a cell phone for someone he use to work with and he and Dave Robinson are getting along well now.

 

It was a beautiful day out so after taking Levon home I went over to Charles Frost to drop off a scarf and my dad’s sun glasses because he wanted them for a photo shoot City Weekly is doing posing him and Hope Woodside as Thelma and Louise.

 

He asked if I was going to Seth and Michaels soiree tonight. I didn’t realize it was their wedding reception. They hadn’t made it clear on their invite to me but I guess it’s the first time both families are going to meet. So we decided to go together since Doug Lott was not interested.

 

Then I went home and soaked in the Hot tub and then took a nap. Soon I need to get out and do some yard work. The magpies are out nesting and so are the robins and white tailed doves.

 

So I was back over at Charles at 6:00 and the traffic was really heavy going into the city. I wonder what is going on. My key was sticking again but we took my car to the Avenues on Virginia Street where friends of Seth and Michael let them use their mansion for the reception.

 

I had a nice time being with Charles at the wedding reception tonight. It was fun to meet Michael and Seth’s moms and tell them what good sons they have. It was especially good to see James Dabakis there and his Russian friend Igor. I spent most of the time with them.

 

Outside of John Bonner I didn’t recognize anyone else there. It just had to have been friends and family. It wasn’t a Gay event. Charles was worried that Troy Williams might be there [lots of laughter].

 

I talked a little Russian politics with what is going on in The Crimea with Igor who I just met but is a protégé of Jim Dabakis who helped him become a millionaire in Russia and here. He met him when he was 18 and now in his 40’s and brought him to America for an education. I guess Jim has done that with about 40 Russian Gay men who he sponsored to come to the University.

 

We only stayed for about an hour. The reception was very swanky.

 

9 March 2014 Sunday

It’s after 8 in the morning and I am still in bed! What happened? I don’t feel any more rested.

 

I got my Face Book friends back down to 120 people... I try to keep it at people I really know, or who are posting things that interest me... Or I feel are really interested in me or at least would attend my funeral [laughing out loud] Well actually I know a lot more that probably wish I’d drop dead.

 

The day is ending and going to bed. It was nice to see Connell O’Donovan and Ruadhan O’Sheridan at Faerie Coffee this afternoon and meet some new people... 

 

I Watched Cosmos and there were way too many commercials... I guess will watch it on Hulu [laughing out loud]

 

 

10 March 2014 Monday

My blood sugar levels were high this morning but I had forgotten to take my insulin last night before going to bed. It was 180.

 

I wrote Kyle before going to bed. Dear Kyle, I got your letter today from the 6th of this month. I am sorry to hear about your prison library and all the books that were donated being lost. It was fortunate that you had your text books with you.

 

I am glad you are close to finishing some of your college courses. That should be your highest priority but I know it’s hard but you have it in you to motivate yourself.

 

I will look into those magazines that you sent to me and see what I can do about them and I will give Charles that visit request form also. Maybe we will take a day trip this spring.

 

Charles finally found work back with a Gay non-profit. He wanted to get out of the Gay arena but he was not finding any luck at his age even with all his experiences. He is the Executor Director of the Ogden Outreach group although they are moving down to Salt Lake City and expanding their services beyond just the youth which was their original mission.  I think he is finding it really challenging because he’s almost having to learn it on his own since the former Lesbian director has kind of dumped it all on him.

 

I did get your pictures in the mail and I have them put away with your other pictures. I wear a size 9 wide shoe…I have small feet but wide like a duck [laughing out loud].

 

I am glad that you are reflecting on your life and getting some insight for meaningful change. As you know all too well you hurt yourself as much as you hurt those who trusted you and cared for you.

 

We have been going to Layton to Hill Air force Base for a program called Star Base where the kids are learning hands on science experiments and engineering. The kids are having a blast  but I will be glad when it’s over.

 

This school year is winding down. The Junior High counselors have all come over to get the kids ready for next year so they already think they are out of school.  Next year definitely is my last year.

 

We had a scare at the beginning of last week when our principal announced that the district was moving her to Clearfield. I was truly bummed because she’s been such a great principal and friend that I didn’t want to lose her nor have to have a new Principal my last year. However she was so upset that she put in her resignation and so they are letting her stay through next year. We were all so elated. So Liz and I will be retiring the same year.

 

However because of our declining enrollment, there had to be changes for next year and I will be leaving 6th grade and going down to 4th. We are only going to have one 6th grade teacher and while I have seniority I didn’t want to teach a class of 34 kids.

 

 Our 4th grade teacher is retiring this year so I will take her place.  So I will end out my career teaching 4th graders. I could have gone to 5th but I really didn’t want to do the I CAN DO program at West High again.  So next year should be interesting.

 

Seth and Michael had their wedding reception last Saturday and I was invited. They held it in some swanky mansion on Virginia Street in Federal Heights. They know more wealthy people then I do [laughing out loud]. I went with Charles and the only person I knew there was Jim Dabakis who had brought this Russian protégé of his… God was he so cute! Tall, blond, Nordic-Slav combo. We talked about the Crimea situation and that was fun.

 

Jim said to me he had some info that probably would upset me and I asked what? and he said he secured 600,000 dollars for the Pride Center. I said I really don’t care anymore and he said I wish you would…but I told him not until they care about involving the community I don’t care what they do. They have turned the center into a service nonprofit rather than a social community center.

 

Steve Ha is the new director of the Pride Center and is turning it into a Mental Health clinic which is making Jim Struve and Jerry Buie furious since there is already a Gay Guild of Therapists that are doing this already.

 

Chuck Whyte who has been attending Pride Day meetings asked if I wanted to be one of the Parade judges and I said sure why not?  I doubt whether it will happen. I am on their shit list.

 

Poor Chuck I can tell he is quickly going downhill mentally. He can’t remember things from one day to the next of what he has told me and in conversation he has long pauses because he can’t think of the word he wants and yet the state says he’s not disabled. They are saying he should still be able to work in the medical field. Crazy.

 

My health seems to be okay I have gotten my blood sugars back down and I am going to the gym at least 3 times a week but I have been worn down lately. I think worrying about school and my car is still giving me fits contributed to me getting a cold sore on my lip.

 

The key sticks in the ignition of the PT Cruiser so I can’t pull it out unless I back up or drive forward. Its nuts. And Matia still has the truck until the first of April.

 

The weather outside tonight is blustery with a wind whipping through the trees. A storm is supposed to be coming in tonight dropping temperatures.

 

The weekend was beautiful in the 60’s and plants are coming up and starting to green up. I guess that means I need to get out and do some spring cleaning in the yard.  Someday this house and yard will be too much for me to take care of but not now.

 

I’ve been taking Levon Mirakyan, my Armenian kid out to lunch on Saturdays. He’s settled down and things have calmed down for him but he still hasn’t found steady work although he is working as an intern for a graphic design place.

 

Did you get to watch the Oscars? I did just a little but was bored because I hadn’t seen anything. The Tyrannies have their knickers in a knot over Ellen DeGeneres comments to Liza Minnelli saying it was insulting to the Trans community and they are really bitching about that kid Leto playing a Trans in Dallas Buyers Club. I just want to line them up and bitch slap them and say shut the F up… it’s not always about them. Ugh! They give me gas with their victim drama.

 

Did you get to watch the new Cosmos series on Fox? I watched it and thought it was pretty good but the radical Christ-Nazis are going berserk over it. [lots of laughter] What a bunch of maroons. Ha!

 

Oh I heard Kathy Griffin is going to be in Wendover in May but the show is already sold out. I so miss watching her with you.

 

Elyse Gile was in a car wreck that totaled her car but she wasn’t hurt except for whip lash. Somebody was texting and ploughed into her at a stop. Michael had to go be with her because Randy was 20 miles away on a case. It’s crazy out there.

 

All the pups are fine. Lucky is on the kitchen table laying on his cushion on the other side of the computer screen. It didn’t take him long to become a brat. He reminds me so much of Smokey but he’s sweet and plays with Buddy rather than fight with him.  It’s kind of comical to see the way they joust.

 

Not sure what more to write so I will close and get this in the mail. I know it must be hard to find things to write about but your letters are the next best thing to being with you. For Better or Worse Ben

 

11 March 2014 Tuesday

I took insulin twice once in the morning and once at night to get my blood sugars down to 115. Charles Frost finally publicly announced that he is the director of the Outreach Resource Center.

 

            I wrote Jim Dabakis a long message. Hi Jim, what are you doing to fill your days now that the Utah Sanhedrin council is out? Lol ... Say I just want to share this... I know I am just whining but it’s anecdotal for why I am having a hard time trusting or believing anything the Utah Pride Center is saying...

 

Last November I asked Meghan Risbon that I wanted to be on the Kristen Ries selection committee for Pride... As did Chuck Whyte... As former recipients we have a vested interest in preserving the integrity of the award. Jon Jepson led Chuck and I both to believe we would be part of the tallying of the votes ... Then I find out that Steve Ha made a decision that only he and Jon would tally.

 

There have been suspicions of irregularities for some time which came to a head when Valerie Larabee got the volunteer community service award in 2012... Becky Moss, Chuck, and I had a meeting with Jon and Valerie in 2013 requesting that former recipients are more involved in the counting of votes to dissuade even the suspicion of irregularities...

 

This is just another example of broken promises, lack of transparency, and autocratic decision making by people who do not know nor value those who worked to make this community happen...

 

I have polled most of the recipients who, unlike Ha or Jepson, I know... And the votes are leaning towards Mark Lawrence ... The other candidates in this second vote are Troy Williams and Fran Pruyn... It would be nice if they would just give it to all three which have been done in the past but ever since 2002 when the Pride Center absorbed the Pride Day festival, without community input I might add...Kristin Ries Award recipients have had no say on the award beyond voting but never knowing if our votes even counted...

 

Larabee only saw Pride Day as an ATM ... I don’t think it’s going to be any different...

 

On a personal note Jon Jepson assures me it was not personal breaking his promise to me but then he has the nerve to ask me to help him with a project! The gall!

 

Back in 2012 for the Coming Out Day... Valerie assured Charles Frost that I would be a recipient for a Life Time Achievement recognition and Jon asked me to do a time line of the center’s history to use... I did so freely...and then No life Time an Achievement and no use of the time line and not even a thank you for your time...

 

As I recall they gave the award to you....which you deserve but I guess Nikki Boyer and Val thought strategically that I was not the right choice...I really don’t care... I don’t live for recognition but I can’t stand the duplicity and power trips of people who have no love for this community or the people in it but only for their own pay check and ego. Okay I am done with my rant... Just so you know that my lack of support for  the Pride Center is not a whim... I don’t wish to associate with a Nest of vipers in my Golden Years.

 

Jim Dabakis responded I am going to email Jon and offer myself as an honorary vote counter..

 

Thank you... You’re the best...

 

12 March 2014 Wednesday

 I went to the gym today because my blood sugars was 152 this morning. Another Starbase day at work so really didn’t have to prepare anything. When I left Hill Field Air Force Base today on their electronic billboard I saw Wiccan Service Sunday... Then it changed to Catholic Mass... Wow Wiccans recognized on a federal base... Times have changed.

 

I wrote Bill Romero a letter for his birthday and sent it off to him. I think his birthday is the 14th. I am sure Mike will do nothing. Dear Bill, Just a quick letter to wish you a Happy Birthday, and hope you are well and in good health.  Not too much news down here in Salt Lake City.

 

I did adopt another schnauzer last November. I was looking at dogs in the pound and there was this scruffy thing that they said was a schnauzer. Well I thought he won’t be there long. So I waited a week and looked again and he was still there so I thought if he’s there the next day I’d go look at him. He was still there so I went down after school and he was the sweetest little guy just needed grooming.

 

He had been picked up as a stray with no collar or i.d. so no one knew his story. They said he was about 3 years old from his teeth and I took him on the spot. He just covered me with kisses.

 

They had named him Clooney but I immediately changed that to Lucky because a friend of mine said he was a lucky dog… but I feel like the lucky one.  Daisy could not care less bringing another dog home but Buddy at first was jealous but now they are great pals. In fact it was the best think I could have done for Buddy because they are always playing together and Buddy really never had anyone to play with.

 

Next year will be my last year teaching. I am going to retire in the 2014-2015 school year. I was moved to 6th grade this year but next year my last I am being shuffled down to 4th grade. I don’t mind. I have taught 4th through 6th over the years.  Things have changed so much over the years that it is really time to let someone younger than me take over.

 

I guess you heard that Michael had his place broken into last January when he and Coco were gone for the weekend. They busted his back door and stole most of his televisions and computers.  They left the remotes so Michael wonders what use they will have for them. He got a sizeable insurance check for the theft so he said he’s not replacing everything but just paying down some of his debt.  Other than that I guess he is fine. He still brings Coco over every morning and I take her home. He and Randy still do a lot together but other than seeing him when he drops off Coco I don’t hear much from him.

 

I tore up some of my front yard last year and put in two planter boxes to grow squash, peppers and cucumbers. I figure it makes more since to grow food than grass.         Well I will let you go and just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you on your birthday. Here’s a picture of the new hound dog.  He has to be up on the table lying on a cushion where I type. He’s already too spoiled. Take Care and Love Ben Williams and Daisy, Buddy, and Lucky

 

 

 

13 March 2014 Thursday

My Blood Sugars was at 134 and I went to Planet Fitness right after school let out.

 

14 March 2014 Friday

My blood sugars was at 129 this morning.  I went to the gym right after work and fixed a big old healthy salad for dinner.

 

15 March 2014 Saturday

My blood sugars was 138 this morning. I took Levon Mirakyan for lunch today at SuCasa and then just did some running around and house cleaning.

 

16 March 2014 Sunday

My Blood Sugars were at 139. It was a busy day... This morning I cleaned the side back yard from the winter decay, all the dead leaves and trash that blew in... I cleaned up the old computer desk of Michael Romero’s that I broke apart last winter and threw over the side.

 

Then I went over to Charles Frost where I gave Doug Lott an Apple Sauce cake and had a Bloody Mary with them...oh I felt so sophisticated... I love just chatting up a storm with them...

 

I also ran some items over to Levon Mirakyan that he needed for his computer before picking Chuck Whyte up to take over to the house where I was making a St. Patrick’s Day Corned Beef and Cabbage dinner. I invited Bill Poore and Connell O'Donovan over as well and at 3:00 we ate mock green jello Waldorf salad, rolls, parsley new potatoes, baby carrots, and an apple sauce cake with fresh strawberries. We had the Queens' Tea's Lemon Ginger Crème tea served over ice. That was really tasty.

 

We talked blarney and honored our ancestors in a good old Irish way. After all the shenanigans was over and company left I took a dip in the hot tub to round out a lovely Spring like day in The Rockies.

 

Four more days until the Vernal Equinox yay!

 

I guess Fred Phelps that Westboro Baptist Preacher, is near death according to his Gay son. I won’t even acknowledge it when he does croak

 

17 March 2014 Monday

My Blood Sugars are 103 this morning but I am feeling worn down. The kids were getting on my last nerve today probably because it was really windy and gusty today. Winter is saying she's still here... A skiff of snow on the ground and 50 mile winds out here by the airport...two more days and winter 2013-2014 will be history...

I got on Adam 4 Adam this morning and this kid named Jake Roche was being all friendly and wanted to come over so I invited him over. He was 24 and was kind of faerie sissy. But he seemed nice and he wanted to take a dip in the hot tub… so we spent much of that time talking and we never did do anything sexual except I did see that he had a majorly big dick.

 

18 March 2014 Tuesday

My Blood Sugars were at 139 this morning. I took the day off from school and played hooky because I was really super tired from the kids being brats yesterday. Besides there was to be a field trip to Mill Creek Junior High for orchestra and tonight was Parent teachers conference which I really didn’t want to attend. I would have had to have been there until 7 when I knew no parents would show.

 

So then I didn’t do much else today except make a date with this skier who was in from Florida  and  was in town to go skiing.  His picture was really cute, 40 years old and in good shape so I decided to take a chance. 

 

I met Ben Anderson and Matia Lumaca over at Leatherbys on North Temple and we visited a while then Matia paid me $80 for the use of the truck since he was going to keep it until the middle of the month. All they talked about was their house and the remodeling and I thought why didn’t they buy a house that suited them in the first place. Oh well it’s not me.

 

I paid Mike Romero his $55 phone Bill and then at 7 went to Art Access for Charles Frost’s writing class. It was interesting. We are to write an essay on Intersections a point in our lives where a crucial decision changed the direction of our lives.

 

 In the middle of it the meeting, the guy from Florida called and said he was ready if I wanted to come over so I made a hasty apology to Charles and took off to go to the Grand America hotel. I had never been in one of their rooms although Kyle Foote had once rented a room for an orgy on my dime. So I guess this is Karma. The room I think was bigger than my entire upstairs.

 

I never did get this guy’s name clearly. I think it was Clavio original from Columbia and he was so handsome. He said I was just his type and I must have been because we fucked for two hours on this king size bed. He sucked so hard on my tits that I am still sore and ecstatic. We had an amazing time and he said I made his stay in Salt Lake City climatic.

 

Well there’s nothing like a little action when out in a new city on vacation. He was a sweet man and a great kisser.

 

Now back to reality and to sleep.

 

The State’s argument against Gay marriage was filed today. It said All powerful Gays will keep heterosexuals from falling in love and having babies if allowed to marry... If I was a heterosexual I think I'd be insulted that the state thinks so little of the love between men and women.

 

19 March 2014 Wednesday

My blood sugars was the lowest I have ever seen. They were 84! I was so tired today not getting to sleep until nearly midnight but since it was Starbase and a field trip to Hill Field Air force Base I really didn’t have to do anything but stay awake. And even that was hard to do. Went home right after work and took a nap. Today is the last day of Winter. There’s still no news on the missing Malaysian Airplane. So strange. Latest theory now is that pilots flew on auto pilot until running out of gas and crashing into the Indian Sea.

 

20 March 2014 Thursday

My blood sugars have really been down for the past two days. This morning it was 103. Good for me. Today is the first day of Spring and Mom and Dad’s anniversary. I guess Charline went in for knee or hip surgery and will be staying with Denise and Heidi while she heals. I sent James $100 for his son’s Little League Team fund raiser.

 

Jake Roche was going to come over at 7:00 in the evening to sign the rental agreement but then called and changed to 8:00 and then got here at 8:30. I hope he’s not a flaky kind of person. I vacillate between feeling good about renting and then wondering what I am getting myself into. He said he was looking for a place to stay since he needed to get out of the place he was in by the end of the month. I told him that I might consider renting the down stairs for $450 a month since he said he was paying $1200 at his old place. That should have sent alarm bells off but it didn’t.

 

Well I am going to be a landlord I suppose. Jake Roche signed the agreement to rent my downstairs bedroom on a month to month bases  for $325 a month with full house privileges... Never done that before so will see how it goes...

 

I wrote Kyle Foote today. Dear Kyle, I hope you are well. Today is the first day of Spring so I thought I’d write you a note.  I ordered some magazines for you I hope they arrive. Let me know if they do then I will order more for you. Order number: 5403678804519 Order date: 03/15/2014 Delivery Information Deliver To: Warren Foote #187422 CUCF PO Box 550 GUNNISON, UT 84634-0550 THE WEEK 25 issues This Old House 10 issues Time 52 issues Psychology Today 6 issues

 

Only change here is that I decided to rent out the basement bedroom. I met a faerie who need a place and we seem to be in sync and he even has a little dachshund.

 

His name is Jake Roche and is a sissy boy about 23 so I am not attracted to him at all. Into Yoga and all that skinny twink stuff ha… So I thought I might as well get some money out of the room just sitting there. I am a little nervous though about bringing a stranger into the house but he’s good with the pups and he says he’s not a partier so we will see I guess.

 

 I am renting the room for $325. I don’t think that’s unreasonable considering it’s a furnished bedroom and I am paying utilities and letting him use the whole house and he has a dog. Maybe he will be good company or maybe he will drive me crazy. Who knows. He works at LaFrontera’s and is a LMT and is going to cosmetology school. Did I mention he was a sissy? [lots of laughter] and skinny?

 

He says he likes to cook and do yard work so maybe he will. If not I can at least afford to pay someone to do the yard. When he told me he was an LMT at first I didn’t know what that meant and was afraid he was a tranny… you never know these days… [lots of laughter]

 

I think I told you that Charles got hired as the director of Out Reach a Youth program that is going to expand down into Salt Lake City. He’s also doing a writing project for Art Access and wants me to be a part of it so I said I would.

 

The Center screwed me again reneging on their promise of having Chuck Whyte and I count votes for the Kristen Ries Award. They said it was nothing personal and then asked if I would do them a favor by helping organize a reception for recipients. I said go screw yourselves… I was so mad that I told Jim Dabakis so he told them he wanted to be the honorary vote tallyer so at least someone is keeping an eye on those liars. I

 

 know this is a quick letter but just wanted you to know I ordered your magazines. I imagine your funds now aren’t what they use to be. Love Ben

 

21 March 2014 Friday

It’s the first full day of spring. I left school at 2:30 this afternoon because I knew they were going to be opened tomorrow if I need to do more work.  At home I went to work on the downstairs bedroom. I scrubbed and cleaned, mopped base boards, washed walls, washed the ceiling fan, vacuumed the rug and polished the Chest of Drawers, night stand, and post bed. I removed all the knickknacks and pictures so Jake Roche can make it his own room…

 

Now onto the bath room and shower tomorrow I need a breather... Since I had my renter sign a month to month agreement, I said everything would be spic and span before he moved in.

 

I got a letter from Kyle today. It was different. Very introspective. I guess I will go down and see him over Spring Break.

 

22 March 2014 Saturday

I was up at 4:45 in the morning to shower, check my blood  and get ready to drive to Ogden for a clandestine date with this 28 year old man I met on Silver Daddies. I was shocked that my meter read 305! Something had to be wrong. Later in the day I changed batteries in it and retested and I was 147. 

 

Well I hadn’t done anything this crazy or adventurous in a very long time. This guy named Ron Smith wanted to meet me at 6 in the morning because he has roommates that don’t know he is into guys and it sounded like he doesn’t have a lot of experience or opportunity so off I went on a 30 minute drive to Ogden.

 

I haven’t been up this early nor driven in the dark also in a very long time and looking at the neon lights and shadows and listening to the quiet was kind of special. I was not tired at all maybe because of the anticipation of the romantic rendezvous.

 

I rolled into a side business parking lot as he suggested and he came up to the car window. He was a lanky, thin, bespectacled boy who was cute and nervous. He had nowhere to go but into his parked Suburban so we climbed into the back seat.  We stripped and got right to it but I felt like a pretzel much of the time.

 

He was nervous. He had performance anxiety and he could only penetrate me for a bit before losing his erection. He was so apologetic and said he just wanted to fuck me…then as he was stroking to get hard again I hear him say ‘Son of a Bitch’ because he came while masturbating. He was so disappointed that he didn’t really get to fuck me more but I let him know it was okay and as long as he had pleasure that is why we were together.

 

So we got dressed I gave him a kiss and a hug and he asked if we could do it again but I joked and said not at 6 in the morning. He asked if Ben was my real name and I said yes and he confessed that Ron Smith was just his cruising name. His real name was Jeremy Stoner…[lots of laughter]. So my little Ogden escapade lasted less as long as it took to drive there.

 

I was in Bountiful at 7 in the morning so I saw that Planet Fitness was open so I went in and walked on the tread mill for a half hour. I can’t believe people actually get up early to work out. I weighed myself buck naked on the scale in the men’s locker room and I was at 235 lbs.

 

After leaving the gym I went over to school because it was an open Saturday and went in to copy the lease agreement for Jake Roche that I had copied. I was home by 8:30.

 

So I called Chuck Whyte up and asked if he wanted to go to CJ’s for breakfast and of course he did. I picked him up about 9:30 and we visited over breakfast about the Pride Center. He finally admitted that he is seeing all the crap that Charles and I have been saying all along.

 

 Steve Ha is an autocrat, not a facilitator. He wants no input or seeks out the community for a consensus of what they want their center to be. I said I am done with them.

 

So after taking Chuck home to his condo on 4th East, I called Charles Frost and asked if I could come over since I was downtown already. He lives in a condo on 2nd South. He said sure and we talked for about an hour. We are pretty sure the votes are in for Mark Lawrence to be the Kristen Ries recipient this year but you never know because of their lack of transparency and deviousness.

 

Jake Roche called about noon and wanted to know if I’d be home and I said I can be…so I left and went home and continued to work downstairs on the bathroom and laundry room.

 

When I finally got it ready, I still had some energy left, so I cleaned the garage of leaves and old cobwebs and used the blower to get the leaves off the deck from the wind storm last week.  So I had a pretty adventurous day and a very productive one as well.

 

Michigan’s appeal court suspended Gay Marriage after one day when a judge had held their law unconstitutional.

 

23 March 2014 Sunday

I got up early about 6:30 to get some work done. I fixed some pancakes for breakfast and my blood sugars were 139. Not too bad. So I went to the store and bought some ingredients to make Crockpot Lasagna. It was pretty good last time.

 

I also bought some water softener salt and replaced the air filter for the furnace. I exchange the locking doorknob from the movie room to Jake Roche’s room because he wanted a lock on his door and if he’s paying rent I guess he should get want he wants.

 

 I am draining the hot tub today also because it’s pretty nice out.  So it was a very busy work day for me.

 

I wrote Kyle Foote this letter. Dear Kyle, I got your letter the day after I mailed you off mine. Your letter seemed very introspective and somber. I hope you are okay and are in a good space. I think you probably made a wise decision to move off on your own for a while to concentrate on you and your goals. I know it must be kind of rough not being around people you have made as friends because you are so gregarious and people oriented. However, it’s a fine line between being a people pleaser to get approval and being an outgoing personality.

 

I think having an unstructured environment will also give you time to consider your circumstances and what led you to where you are now so that when you are out you can be a new man and not fall back on old patterns. Writing is very therapeutic and also builds intelligence and creativity. I am glad you are writing your memoirs so when you get out you will have a tool to measure your growth.

 

It has finally hit me that my working days are coming to a close pretty quickly. It frightens me a little because I have always had to work and be a provider for others. I don’t know what it will be like on a fixed income so that is why I am getting a renter to help pay off some bills before I retire. I’d like to get the truck and cruiser paid off and some of the credit card debt. Then I think I will be okay. I know I will be able to keep the house even with the mortgage so I will have a roof over my head at least.

 

I am so over 6th grade now that I know I will be going to 5th grade next year. All the lesson plans I made I am throwing away. Can’t use them next year. The kids all want to move on too… they are ready for Junior High.

 

The 4th term begins April 2nd. We are not getting much of a Spring Break this year. Just two days.  If the weather is good I will try to come down in the Cruiser. I prefer the truck because of the cruise control but Matia Lumaca still has it until the middle of April.

 

 I took Chuck out to CJ’s for breakfast last Saturday. I haven’t treated him to a meal in a while. I’ve usually been taking Lavon out for a lunch to catch up on his life.

 

I have been working my ass off getting the house ready for the renter who’s supposed to be moving in sometime this week. I can’t decide whether he’s flakey or it’s just his generation.  He doesn’t show up when he says he will and keeps me waiting around… but he’s probably just a 24 year old Twinkie with other things on his mind.

 

 I had him sign a month to month rental agreement. Never done that before. It seemed kind of weird. He wanted a lock on his bedroom so I took the doorknob off the movie room which locked and put it downstairs for him. Geez even something as changing a door knob makes me feel butch. I hate it.

 

Well Spring weather is here and it was warm enough today to try and clean out all the rubbish and dead leaves that gathered under the hot tub deck. It was a mess and I decided to take the lattice off at the end of the deck by the big trees because the leaves just piled there. It’s so much better I can just blow them out right into the mulch area. No one ever sees those lattice so this was a good thing.

 

The Huge Rainbow Flag is so weather-worn and stained now that I am taking it down and saying good bye to it. I told you I think that last summer I put a cedar plank fence around for privacy… Now to figure out what to do for a roof… Charles Frost and Doug Lott said they would help but I am thinking of raised plexy sheets so snow and leaves would slope towards the back… but that’s a summer project…

 

Tarps for the winter just does not hack it, not just from the snow but the billion leaves that fall on top of it. I am achy tonight from all the crawling underneath the deck… Advil time.

 

The kid that is moving in is named Jake Roche…This morning he said he was coming over with some things at 4 and its nearly 6 now.  See what I mean flakey. Oh well as long as he doesn’t flake out on paying rent.

 

I guess you heard by now about old Fred Phelps dying.  Sad to die and every one rejoices. I sure don’t want to live my life like that.

 

Speaking of writing, Charles asked for me to join his writing project for Art Access. We are supposed to write about an Intersection in our lives that by taking a different road we became who we are today. I’ve had so many intersections that it’s hard to pick just one. [lots of laughter]

 

Elyse Gile’s car was total and she is going to massage therapy to deal with the whiplash. I am so grateful I have never been in a car wreck.

 

I have been going to the gym and exercising pretty regularly and testing my blood…Ouch… I hate that more than giving myself an injection… but I weighed myself at the gym and I was at 235 so while that is still a lot its slowly coming down. I was 275 at my 60th Birthday party. By beard is turning whiter and whiter… but my legs are still strong and so is my heart.

 

Let me know when you start getting those magazines and don’t worry about keeping your television. If you need some help you know you can count on me if I have it. Well don’t know much more to write since I wrote just a couple of days ago. I will be anxious to hear what they say about you being able to join the military again. Have you ever considered working at Hill Air force as a mechanic?

 

I hope you know how much you mean to me and always will. Whatever fates that brought us together, I am grateful for.  Stay well. Your friend for better or worse

 

24 March 2014 Monday

I was reminded at work this morning that I have an in-service I have to attend tomorrow. I wouldn’t go except I have to, so as to get the Teacher’s manuals for 4th grade next year.

 

Kind of a shocker today when Jim Dabakis announced he is quitting the Chair of the state of Utah’s Democratic Party for health reasons. Charles Frost and I talked in the evening and we are both concerned. So we want to go to lunch with him sometime this week to visit and let him know we care about him.

 

Charles went to lunch with Jon Jepson finally, and Jon let it slip that there would be two Kristen Ries Award Recipients this year. We are pretty certain one will be Mark Lawrence but we are just guessing whether it will be either Troy Williams or Fran Pruyn. Neither one is equal to Mark for community service. Jon said the vote was 48% to 48 percent so someone only got 2% of the vote. I told Charles I really don’t care much anymore since you can never tell if its rigged and I really don’t trust Jon to have a backbone to stand up to Steve Ha and John Netto.  I guess Jon is getting a divorce from Darcy…that marriage was ridiculous anyway… bisexual my ass.

 

25 March 2014 Tuesday

I had to get a substitute to attend an in-service at the district from 12-3:30 although I cut out a little early. We were introduced to the new Reading Program and Text Books. I really didn’t care to pay much attention because next year is my last year anyway.

 

It was a nice 64 degree day today and hopefully March will go out like a lamb. Michael Ferguson posted that he excepted a post graduate position at Cornell University so I guess he and Seth Anderson will be packing up to move to New York City. Sweet boys but time for them to get on with the adventure of life.

 

I asked Jim Dabakis if we could do lunch this Friday to visit. I’d like to find out what is going on with him since he resigned as Chair of the State Democratic Party. He said for health reasons. Charles Frost I talked this evening for over an hour about different events in the community.

 

26 March 2014 Wednesday

Rainy day which is good. We can use the water even if the kids are acting up. Tonight is the I Can Do Dance and I am so glad I am not involved with that anymore. I went to the gym after work and walked about ½  a mile. I was kind of tired so didn’t do anything else. Wanted to be home with the pups. Lucky was not feeling well this morning. He was very clinging.

 

Chuck Whyte texted me from the Pride Day meeting saying I was on the list of a Pride Day Parade judge. Hmmm.

 

Thinking of going down to Gunnison this coming Monday because its spring break and I am so ready for it.

 

27 March 2014 Thursday

It rained and rained much of the day and the temperature had really dropped after the 70 we had yesterday. The last day of the 3rd Term. The next one will fly by and then no more 6th grade. Kind of strange that the last 3 years of my teaching career I will have taught 5th 6th and 4th again which were all the grades I taught over the years. When I learned that tomorrow there was going to be a morning training on Depth of Knowledge again (the new buzz word) I revolted and decided I am not going in at all. So let the Spring Break begin.

 

28 March 2014 Friday

I didn’t go into work today even though it was a teacher’s prep day. Originally they had scheduled it as part of Spring Break and then they took it back. Well I lost some money today because I didn’t go in but I really  needed the break.

 

Charles Frost and I finally got a hold of Jim Dabakis and found a place to go for lunch. We went to the Copper Bowl on 6th South across from Starbucks because Charles had a 12:30 meeting with a manager of Starbucks to get support for the Outreach Group he is now director of. When I got out of the car I saw that it was an Indian food place and I hate curry and all Indian food really…Yuck… but I was there for the company and not the food.  When Jim arrived, I noticed there was a camera crew waiting for him. They wanted his input on the Republican proposal to give tax credits to the poor in lieu of providing them with Medicaid…What jackasses. The poor don’t pay taxes and they can’t afford out of pocket expenses and wait a year for some type of reimbursement.

 

Anyway I just ordered a bowl of spinach soup while the others ordered dinners. There was not a lunch menu and the prices were steep I thought $12 for what they got which wasn’t much but Charles bought lunch except for Jim who gave him some cash because he as a Senator can’t receive free lunches…I guess even with friends.

 

It took nearly ½ hour for the food to come and we were getting worried that Charles would have to leave before the food got here. Well Jim wouldn’t tell us much just that he had some tests done last week and the results will be out on Monday. We told him that we love him and support him and wanted him to know that.

 

People wouldn’t know it but Jim is a very private person and Charles and I both could tell he was worried. Who wouldn’t be but Jim is a very optimistic guy and that is half the battle.

 

So after Charles left, Jim and I stayed and talked another ½ hour and I asked him what was his plans for the day and he said he had several more meetings and an art gallery showing he had to go to but then wispily said that sitting with us and playing with his rice will be the highlight of his day. I think he is sometimes a lonely man.

 

Well so I had a nice lunch at the Copper Bowl after all with two of Salt Lake finest Charles Frost and James Dabakis... Good times good conversation and good people.

 

 Well I had made another luncheon date on this beautiful day and on my 1st day of Spring Break and took Levon Mirakyan, my Armenian ward, to the new Chinatown on 36th South and State Street. We never had been there before so we ate at Ho Mei BBQ and had the luncheon special. I was hungry since that spinach soup did not agree with me that I had at the Copper Bowl.

 

Life is good for Levon I think. He seemed happier and working on many projects even though he still doesn’t have a job that really pays him anything. It will come.

 

I was back home by four o’clock and wasn’t planning on doing anything more but I saw that Charles had posted that he, Doug Lott, and Matthew J. Lyon were at the SunTrapp having a kiki...I had never been there since they remodeled so I surprised them by dropping in on them.

 

They were all having a good time and drinking while I just had some water. I made them laugh when I suggested that the owners paid for the remodeling by sweeping up all the cocaine that had fallen through the floor boards over the past 20 years.  Other than that I didn’t do much else today but that was enough for an old man.

 

 

 

29 March 2014 Saturday

My Blood Sugars was 179 when I tested. I was up pretty early this morning I guess anticipating the trip to Gunnison. However this morning on Adam4Adam this bear cub from South Jordan wanted to play and so I said sure and we fooled around until 9:30. Nothing spectacular. He just was young and needed to get off with someone.

 

After he left then I got serious about getting ready for the trip. Grabbed my quarters for the prison vending machines, stopped and got a diet Dr. Pepper drink. I took some CDs to listen for the 125 mile trip down and except for a head wind coming from the south the trip was pleasant but uneventful.

 

There were lots of people turning off to Spanish Fork Canyon to go to the Krishna Temple for their festival of colors and there were lots of RVs, and boats heading south too... It was nice to see farmers’ fields planted and starting to sprout although I didn't see any blossoms in the orchards yet.

 

I was at the prison at 11:50 and they made us wait at the guard entrance gate until 12 noon and none too soon because I really had to pee.

 

After going through all the gates I was finally able to see Kyle about 12:15. His hair is getting a little shaggy and I can tell he’s putting on some weight. No exercise I suspect. I bought him a Dr. Pepper and a Crunch Bar and let him talk for nearly an hour. He hadn’t seen me since December and he now in a unit cell with one other person instead of a pod living arrangement so he isn’t as social as he once was.

 

He said he moved because his therapist said it would be better if he worked on himself and schooling rather than being distracted by work. He’s not working now but says he’s working harder on his studies. His one cell mate is an older man sent to jail for a DUI conviction but he wants to change cells with a guy that is more his own age.  Maybe he can start getting sex if he does.

 

He’s in Elm Unit now and he says its full of knuckleheads so I know he’s not getting any intellectual stimulation. He told me of his hopes and dreams for the future. He said that he is considered a Veteran so he will get some assistance when he gets out which may be another 3 years. He talked about wanting to do some genealogy which I think is an intellectual pursuit for him while locked up.

 

The time went so fast as it always does… two hours… and I hugged him and told him I loved him… visiting him is always so surreal.

 

After a long drive back to Salt Lake City, I went straight to Planet Fitness instead of home to exercise and walk a mile. Now my old carcass is stiff...I think the hot tub is calling my name. Yes it was.

 

Before getting ready for bed after a long day Jake Roche called and said that he’s not in Las Vegas and wants to start moving in tomorrow so let that adventure begin.

 

30 March 2014 Sunday

I fixed some French toast, sausage, and eggs for breakfast and caught up on my journaling and the rain came... Pitter pattering on the roof and deck while the pups curl up to sleep this Sunday afternoon... Big crock pot of stew cooking full of beef, onions, potatoes, carrots, red bell peppers, green beans, peas, and burgundy wine....that and some cheesy biscuits sounds good on this wet and windy spring day...March is going out like a lion...but I love the rain... Manna from Heaven to our Great Basin desert ...

 

 What pretty flowers we will have in May. Life is sweet As the rain turns to snow I have a warm Afghan and hot biscuits. I have curled up this evening watching Season 6 of Mad Men when the internet connection went out! Ugh

 

31 March 2014 Monday

My internet went down yesterday during the storm and when I went to reset the modem and router I forgot to plug the modem back into the router so I didn't have internet all night... Talk about withdrawals... I had to watch TV and read and clean my room.... The horror the horror.

 

I went to lunch this afternoon with Chuck Whyte. We went to Chuck A Rama and to work off the calories I decided to do some spring yard clean up...Big Mistake... two full trash cans later and two hours pulling up weeds and grass I barely made a dent on the front side yard... Oh Well...I've got Advil and a hot tub.

 

Charles Frost called and said that the board of SAGE invited me to sit on the board.