1 January 1992 Wednesday
I am 40 years old, living at the La France Apartments in Salt Lake City with my lover Jeff Workman as the new year begins. I work as a 5th grade teacher at Orchard Elementary in North Salt Lake but am living in fear that I might lose my job. I have a 5 year old gray tabby cat that I named Billy Cat after an old flame.
Jeff and I went clothes shopping today. I bought three white shirts for $45, two cotton Shaker-knit sweaters for $30, and a winter jacket for $50. I really needed new clothes. I mean I really did. Jeff bought a new pair of levis,
We also went to Trolley Square and saw Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman in “Hook”. It’s excellent and made both Jeff and I cry. It was tremendous and yet the critics panned it. They really do hate Spielberg but the public loves him.
We came back home and I fixed Jeff some Fettuccini Alfredo for a New Year’s dinner before we headed off to Bobbie “Gillian” Smith’s for our New Moon Craft Night where we made incense and watched Angelica Huston in “The Witches”. It was fun to be spending New Year’s Day with my Faerie Folk.
Those attending craft night were Gillian, Enzio, Todd Bennett aka Homo Erectus, David Ball aka Thunderbeam, Jimmy Hamamoto aka Fuku, Jeff Workman aka Morningstar and myself. We discussed the possibility of opening up a Faerie House where we could all live together.
The weather was better today because some of the fog has lifted.
Well, well, well. It’s 1992. Last year was a year of transition for my family. They migrated out of California after nearly 50 years there. The year also saw the collapse of the Soviet Union and communism. It’s an interesting journey just being alive. I heard that that David Sharpton is back in the hospital. I need to go see him.
Additional Material
· The Broadway Hotel is another of the dozen hotels built in downtown Salt Lake City shortly after the completion of the city’s two major rail depots. The Broadway was constructed in 1912 by two brothers active in real estate development, Samuel and David Spitz. The building is most notable today for the portico on its southeast corner. This portico marks the entrance of the building and offers shelter to patrons standing on the sidewalk outside. Few such porticos now survive in Salt Lake City. As you continue west on 300 South, note the small one-story apartments in Wayne and Delmar Courts tucked behind the La France Apartments on the north side of the street. Built in circa 1905, they were among Salt Lake City’s first apartments.
2 January 1992-Thursday
Jeff Workman went back to his school in Midvale today while I stayed in most of the day, catching up with my journal and rereading the year 1991. I didn’t clean the house at all.
I did go out later to pay $297 for January rent and to mail off some books to Boston I bought for John Reeves. I also walked to the bank to deposit $400 in my account. I’ve got to get a bus pass for the month tomorrow. I also have another court ordered appointment with Dr. Robert Card tomorrow at nine in the morning. I almost forgot about it because of the holidays.
Anyway when Jeff came home I fixed him and Bobbie Smith left over Fettuccini Alfredo for supper.
Bobbie Smith, Jeff Workman and I then went to Unconditional Support tonight. We are still meeting at the Stonewall Center and Michael Bryner led the meeting for a little while until he had to go home to take some HIV medicine. At the meeting we talked about what we did over the Christmas Holidays and then we kind of rambled.
After 8 in the evening we left the center and we went to the Rhino Nest for Coffee. I called about the Donovan House but haven’t heard back from them yet. It would be great if we could rent the entire building as a Faerie commune.
I think we all need to go on a diet from too much feasting.
3 January 1992-Friday
While Jeff Workman was at work, I cleaned the apartment, did our laundry, and that really took most of the day.
In the evening Jeff and I went to the Stonewall Center for the monthly Community Council meeting. I paid $50.00 for Unconditional Support and Sacred Faeries while Debbie Rosenberg paid $25 for the Delta Institute. That gave us 9 votes when ever we need them.
The Sacred Faeries are represented by Jeff Workman, Todd Bennett, and Jimmy Hamamoto. Unconditional Support is represented by Frank Lohmeyer, Ray Neilsen, and David Ball. The Delta Institute is represented by Debbie Rosenberg, Gail Scott, and me.
The meeting tonight was fairly subdued. I though Robert Austin would be at the council because earlier in the day I gave him some materials on an AIDS program developed by Washington State that Dr. Card had given me after my appointment with him this morning.
The Utah AIDS Foundation is moving into their own building at the end of this month. That’s another reason to find another location for the Utah Stonewall Center.
Melissa Sillitoe, Alice Hart, and David Ball did a good job running the meeting. David Nelson and Michael Aaron were on the outside looking in. After council many of us went to the Rhino Nest for Coffee. Jeff and I were in bed by 1 in the morning.
4 January 1992-Saturday-
Jeff Workman and I slept and we had a fairly lazy morning. Jeff did leave the apartment to go get a haircut. I had mine cut yesterday after see Dr. Card in the morning.
After picking Jimmy Hamamoto up from doing his program at KRCL, Jeff and I went back to Del Mar Court to meet Todd “Homo Erectus” Bennett, his boy friend Enzio, and Bobbie “Gillian” Smith. We all went to the Thai Noodle House on State Street for lunch. It was yummy but over priced for want you got.
Jeff and I then went grocery shopping at Smiths afterwards. That was fun.
In the afternoon I made dinner for Jeff and myself and we had planned on a relaxing evening at home but Enzio and Homo Erectus wanted us to go with them to see “Beauty and The Beast” at the Villa Theater. It was fabulously anti-patriarchal with gobs of queer energy. We saw Curtis Jensen and his Queer Nation set there as well. We all just raved over Beauty and The Beast. It was a nice way to end the Winter Vacation.
Well Mike “Puck” Pipkin is out and Enzio is in. After Homo asked him to leave, Puck moved in with Beau Chaine but I haven’t heard anything else. I think Gillian and Popcorn have broken up too.
I think Gillian spends most of his days and the Rhino Nest instead of Stonewall Center but he’s not getting paid much if anything at all.
5 January 1992-Sunday-
Jeff Workman and I were tired today. We slept in. While Jeff was reading the Sunday paper I fixed breakfast of biscuits, hash browns and eggs.
The day kind of just slipped away and we didn’t do much. I brought some newspaper clipping over to the Bridge for Becky Moorman but that’s about the extent of my going out until the evening.
I typed in some articles for the Candlemas issue of the Salt and Sage during the Church of Star Trek. Then at seven this evening Jeff and I went to KRCL to do a program for Concerning Gays and Lesbians. We did two programs, one on Community Council, and one on Coming Out.
Anyway Becky Moss really hurt my feelings tonight although not intentionally and it became apparent to me that she doesn’t expect me to be any more than a reporter while she stays the producer and deciding all the creative input. She’s totally in control.
I’m going to quit KRCL after getting the Royal Court to come in next week. I don’t think Becky Moss is treating me right after all the years we have been doing this program. I am not going to continue with something with which I don’t have any real input. Anyway its time to move on and let others have opportunity to shine.
6 January 1991 Monday
Well it’s my first day back at school after Christmas break and I was glad to be back, although I wasn’t feeling well at all. I’m feeling really bloated.
Mr. Stanger gave me the stub for my December Checks today; although I was suppose to have gotten it before I left on break. I made $1,791 but only cleared $1,333. The IRS took $193, $85went to the state, $136 to social security and $44 to the Utah Education Association and other stuff. I’m paid $13and fifty-four cents an hour. I have seven sick day coming and five personal leave days.
Anyhow, it began to rain on me on the way home and then it rained and snowed for most of the evening.
Jeff didn’t get home until seven this evening and I fixed him some bean tostados. We just stayed home for the rest of the evening and watched “Blossom”, “Murphy Brown” and “Designing Women” before going to bed at nine tonight.
The days are only slightly getting longer but they are getting longer yay. The sunrises at 7:52 in the morning and sets at 5:15 in the afternoon. There’s now nine hours and twenty-three minutes of sunshine and fourteen hours and thirty-seven minutes of darkness.
Beauchaine called real late at 11:30 at night but I didn’t answer the phone. He just left a message “this is Beau” and then hung up. I wonder what he wanted.
7 January 1991 Tuesday
Fran and I were married fifteen years ago today. It seems so long ago now. It’s hard to believe that even 1987 was five years ago! Wow. Where does the time go?
The sun came up at 7:52 and went down at 5:16 so we got about a minute more of light today than yesterday. School was okay nothing to write about. Mrs. Green wanted me to start the paper work on Eric Dickey so he can start being tested to see if he qualifies for Resource.
It stormed and stormed for almost the entire day today with almost a foot of snow falling. Since my basement classroom has no windows I never know what the weather is like until I step outside.
In the evening when Jeff Workman came home, I went over to Todd Bennet’s place so I could use his computer to type up more content for the Salt and Sage Candlemas issue. I’m waiting on some material from Erick “Buffalo Song” Myers and Morningstar’s Review of the Yule Celebration. When these get submitted we will go get the paste up art work for the final product.
Todd went out to dinner with Michael Bryner who I guess is feeling better. Bobbie Smith is getting worn out over at the Rhino Nest. I hear that Frank Lohmeyer and Bob Manchertz are fighting so it’s just a matter of time before they split up, I imagine..
Jeff worked on school grades so it was mostly a quiet winter day this evening. Truly it’s a Snow-Frosty night.
8 January 1992 Wednesday
I wake up at 5:45 in the morning, fix some hot cereal, put in the microwave, and go take my shower. When I’m dressing, Jeff Workman starts to stir and gets ready for work. He kisses me goodbye at 6:50 and I am out the door walking in the pitch blackness of the snow and ice covered streets. I pick up my Centerville bus Route 71 at 7:05 and I read my Salt Lake Tribune on the way to work.
I get off on Orchard Drive, about 50 yards from the Walker’s Convenient Store where I refill my day-glow pink mug with a mixture of Cherry Coke and Diet Coke for 41 cents. I then trudge over to Orchard Elementary across the snow packed sidewalks and thus begin my school day.
I stayed late tonight until 4:45 this afternoon to type up a history test for tomorrow. I want to practice using the computer so I didn’t get home until 5:30. I go to work in the dark and I come home in the dark. Thus it is for the Season of Yule Cycle.
Jeff and I stayed home this evening and watched TV before going to at 9 tonight. In the news President Bush fainted at a state dinner in Japan from flu symptoms. I hear he barfed in the Prime Minister of Japan
9 January 1992 Thursday-
Today is John Cunningham’s 41st birthday. When did we 18 years olds become middle aged men? Happy Birthday, Sweet Prince. I dreamt about him last night but I am happy with Jeff Workman. I know he’s a blessing from Providence. We are getting so contented with each other like two old cats.
After school came directly home and did up a pile of dishes that had been sitting the sink. No one can accuse Jeff of being domestic. I really don’t mind.
Jimmy Hamamoto came over to visit just before we left for Unconditional Support. I gave “Fuku” some inquiry letters about the Salt and Sage to correspond back with. He wants to be our foreign correspondent with Radical Faeries outside of Utah.
As we were almost out the door, who should show up but Don, Bob Waldrop’s old trick. He wanted to show off his new car. It was kind of pathetic, if we are his only friends but we let him know we were excited for him.
Jeff Workman and I went to Unconditional Support where we met in the Stonewall Center’s library. At the meeting we went over our by-laws and reelected Michael Bryner as director, Frank Lohmeyer as Assistant director, and David Ball as Secretary-Treasurer. It was kind of a small group tonight. We discussed taking Unconditional Support into new directions but where?
After the meeting, Jeff and I went to Smith’s and picked up his pictures we had developed from our trip to Arizona. Gawd I look fat. Ugh.
I went to the Rhino Nest for a little bit but I am tired of leading the community. It’s time for a hiatus.
10 January 1992 Friday-
It’s been a Snow-Frost week for sure. I am glad to have my first week back to work after the holidays over with. At home I helped Jeff Workman color some pictures for his class. Then we went across town to Ambassador Pizza on 7th East to pick up a pizza we ordered for our supper. We had so much we invited Jimmy Hamamoto over and we just visited about how school went for us our first week back and such. He said he was sore from playing Volleyball with his resource kids in their gym.
At 8:30 this evening the Sacred Faeries all went over to the Rhino Nest for Storm and Woodie’s farewell party. They are moving to Portland Oregon where new adventures a wait them. I brought over some home made salsa and chips along with some white zinfandel wine. We had a fun time and I saw Gary Boren who I haven’t visited with in a while. We talked about going to San Francisco again this summer. We also discussed getting with Ron Richardson of Spartacus Travels about arranging a group package to go to the 1993 March on Washington.
It was a nice evening at the Rhino Nest, something that the Stonewall Center should have been but wasn’t because of Craig Miller. Woodie thanked me for starting the Sacred Faeries saying that through them he met Storm.
I saw Brent Pace tonight also. He said that Fran finally passed her Licensed Practical Nurse exam. Well after 15 years she finally has a career.
11 January 1992 Saturday
I spent much of this morning doing housework. Jeff Workman went off somewhere and while he was gone, I did up our laundry down in the laundry room.
Bobbie “Gillian” Smith dropped by for a little visit. I guess he and Ronert “Popcorn” Olson have split. Enzio is down from Ogden spending the weekend with Todd “Homo Erectus” Bennett.
Jeff wanted to get out away up out of the smog inversion but we were so busy we never made it. We got another Pizza instead and rented from the Avenue Smith’s “City Slickers” with Billy Crystal in it. I also bought two Matthew Modine videos, Pacific Heights and Memohis Belle. So my Matthew Modine collection keeps growing.
Jeff and I spent a quiet evening alone tonight.
ADDITIONAL MATERIAL
- UTAH WOMEN LEARN HOW TO DO HOME ABORTIONS Byline: By Nancy Hobbs Utah women are learning how to perform home abortions, anticipating the day when abortion is no longer legal. ``Women are going to continue having abortions. If it becomes illegal, women are going to become outlaws,'' says Lucy Malin, Salt Lake coordinator of the National Organization for Women in Utah. ``We will do our best to make home abortions as safe and as available as possible.'' The U.S. Supreme Court is contemplating an appeal that could overturn Roe vs. Wade. That 1973 case legalized abortion on demand nationwide as an issue of privacy. The home-abortion technique, called menstrual extraction, can be done with a canning jar, syringe, plastic tubing and an inexpensive medical instrument. About 50 people attended the Salt Lake Chapter NOW meeting this week to learn the procedure. Patty Reagan, health-information professor at the University of Utah, explained the procedure and warned of potential dangers if not performed correctly. Several members of the conservative Utah Eagle Forum were among those in attendance. Forum President Gayle Ruzicka said she is ``absolutely appalled'' by the suggestion that women perform abortions on themselves. ``I'm a lot more naive than I thought,'' she said of the professor's candor and of suggestions that medical instruments used in the procedure would become available on the black market, if necessary. Right to Life of Utah President Rosa Goodnight, who also attended the ``eye-opening'' meeting, accused its organizers of promoting the back-alley abortions that they've been warning the public about. ``They are putting women in jeopardy with their tactics rather than vice versa,'' Mrs. Goodnight said. Menstrual extraction was popularized in the 1970s as a way to extract monthly menses in 20 or 30 minutes rather than endure discomfort and over several days. A cannula, or tube, is used to drain the uterus lining. As an abortion technique, menstrual extraction is effective in the first three months of pregnancy. NOW does not promote menstrual extraction asa means of terminating a pregnancy, said Rebecca Elliott, Utah NOW executive coordinator. Its interest is in disseminating information to women in preparation for the reversal of Roe vs. Wade.
12 January 1992 Sunday-
Jeff Workman and I went grocery shopping and running around doing errands today. Over at the Rhino Nest I bought a great Pagan Men cassette tape called “Lunacy” which dealt with men rituals.
After leaving Bobbie Smith who was working at the Rhino Nest, Jeff and I went to Pace Warehouse Store on 9th West and 35the South where I bought the kids some candy in bulk, and some treats for the Church of Star Trek.
In the late afternoon I spent a lot of my time inputting data for the Candlemas Salt and Sage Issue. Erick “Buffalo Song” Myers dropped off his submissions yesterday.
I didn’t go KRCL tonight even though Becky Moss called and asked me to be there. I’m still upset with her I suppose. She can’t have it both ways.
We watched Memphis Belle this evening. I’m starting my fruit and vegetable diet tomorrow. I’ll be ten pounds lighter, this time next week.
The Tribune evidently was on a Gay kick as there were tons of articles on Gay and Lesbians in the Local Section.
Additional Material
- (SLTibune pg A1 01/12/92) `` One in 10 Americans is gay or lesbian, according to the late Alfred C. Kinsey, the first biologist to study human sexuality. Utah is no different, says Patty Reagan, a University of Utah health education professor, who surveyed 1,000 students over eight years. ``Since my own study says 8 percent are gay, and national studies say 10 to 12 percent, that suggests 10 percent of any population is gay.''
Yet only 2 percent of the state's gay and lesbian population openly acknowledges their sexuality, Ms. Reagan adds. Most fear they will be stereotyped as freaks who prowl parks and rest stops for illicit sex. It's a secret that some 165,000 Utahns may keep for life. If the truth were discovered, they could be attacked by strangers, branded as perverts or banned from church. What these men and women are afraid to admit is that they are homosexual.
``They can lose their jobs, friends and family,'' says Salt Lake Police Officer David Ward, who served as the city's liaison with the gay community. ``They can be kicked out of their homes when the landlord finds out.''
The AIDS scare has prompted more monogamous relationships. And few heterosexuals realize that many gay couples have stable, happy relationships, says Robert Austin, vice chairman of the Gay and Lesbian Community Council. He and his partner Bradley Weischedel go to movies, shop for antiques and care for their pets. ``Our life revolves around learning and caring about each other,'' he says.``Together we create a relationship that, except for our genders, is pretty much the same as any other adult couple trying to make a go of it.''
Most gay and lesbians interviewed say they've found a rich social life in Salt Lake City. Downtown boasts 11 gay bars and clubs. By comparison, Philadelphia has 10 times as many residents but only 23 gay bars. The state has 55 gay and lesbian social and support groups, from the Utah Gay Rodeo Association to the Older Wiser Lesbians Society. Some activists expect that number to triple in the next two years.
``Things are changing almost daily,'' says Bobbie J. Smith, who works at the new lesbian and gay book store, The Rhino's Nest. ``We have made great improvement over the last four or five years.''
Once a year, there's a high-profile bash. On Memorial Day weekend more than 600 gays and lesbians gather at the Salt Palace to crown the Emperor and Empress of ``The Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire,'' the Utah chapter of a national social services organization. Drag queens and local entertainers lip-sync Top 40 hits to raise money for Utahns with AIDS. ``It's a very elegant affair,'' explains reigning Emperor Jeff Smith, 36, who works in a Salt Lake City hospital. ``Tuxedos, formal gowns for the drag queens, lots of sequins and rhinestones, limos, the whole nine yards.''
In other circles, gay life is less carefree. Most religions view homosexual behavior as a sin, and continued practice could lead to church sanctions -- including excommunication. ``Everytime you sin seriously, you de facto excommunicate yourself, or separate yourself from the church,'' says Father Robert Bussen, vicar general of the Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has strict rules of behavior: marriage in the temple, children and a religious life. If obeyed, heaven is the reward.
Unwilling to forsake their faith, many LDS gays and lesbians lead traditional heterosexual lives. Some have gay lovers and frequent gay bars -- taking a second name for their secret lives. ``You have two lives when you are gay,'' says a secondary school teacher as she sips a beer at the lesbian bar Puss 'N' Boots. ``You have to hop in and out very fast. You get good at it. You play the game.''
Perhaps that's because Utah legislators make little effort to protect their homosexual constituents. While it's not against the law to be gay or lesbian in Utah, sodomy – for heterosexuals and homosexuals -- is illegal.
There are no city, county or state laws to protect homosexuals against either housing or job discrimination. And the state's anti-discrimination office keeps no records of complaints. Not that Utah is unique. Nationally, homosexual sodomy is illegal in 24 states. Of those, 17 also consider heterosexual sodomy a crime. In 18 states, public employees cannot be fired because of sexual orientation. In the legislative session that begins Monday, Utah activists will lobby lawmakers to include sexual orientation in a hate-crime law. This would increase penalties for assaults or vandalism because of race, religion or sexual orientation.
Seventeen other states have adopted similar legislation. But it's doubtful that any law will stop the hatred -- here, or else where in America. ``The gay community is under siege in this country,'' says Robert Bray, spokesman for the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force in Washington, D.C. ``We are fighting an epidemic of violence.'' During 1990, 377 verbal and physical assaults were reported by gays and lesbians to the Utah Anti-Violence Project, a grass-roots group that records crimes against homosexuals. Some were kicked. Others were threatened with weapons. Strangers screamed ``Lesbo,'' ``You homo,'' or ``Hope you die of AIDS.''
``We had a case last year in West Valley City where neighbors were victimizing this gay man,'' says Michael Aaron, founder of the Anti-Violence Project. ``They poisoned his dog, they sent him a dildo in the mail which was covered with excrement.''
Adds Marshall Brunner, manager of the Sun Club in Salt Lake City: ``On Thanksgiving, we had some body hit with a lead pipe.''
A poll of 215 gay and lesbian Utahns conducted by Anti-Violence Project volunteers in 1990 revealed that 91 percent of gay men and 75 percent of lesbians were victims of either verbal or physical violence. One out of every four respondents -- men and women -- said they had been raped.
Most gay bashers are teen-aged, white, middle-class males, says Les Cooper, a psychologist with Mountain West Psychiatric Associates in Salt Lake City. Some are frightened by their own sexual ambivalence. The mentality is, ``Gays are bad. Gays caused the AIDS epidemic, therefore, if we squash them we are doing good.''
Mills Crenshaw, a disc jockey at KTKK-KTALK radio, has been accused of homophobia for the opinions expressed on his weekday talk show. He denies it. But this self-proclaimed ``lover of truth'' believes homosexuals should not teach school because it would open the door to other ``deviant behavior.'' ``What's next?'' he asks. ``Pedophiles?'' --
Saundra says she loved the LDS Church. But in her mid-20s she was forced to choose between her faith or lesbianism. After a long struggle, she chose the latter. She became sexually active at Brigham Young University while serving as Relief Society president of her ward. ``After I acted on my feelings, I didn't know what to do, so I talked to my bishop,'' recalls Saundra, a Salt Lake City social worker who requested anonymity. ``He thought it was a fluke. But his attitude was, `You're obviously a feminine woman. You couldn't be lesbian.' '' He advised her to marry, and she took his advice. But she quickly realized it was a mistake, divorced her husband and moved in with a female college friend.
That relationship lasted 10 years -- years ridden with strife. Saundra abandoned the church. Her lover didn't. ``We took divergent paths,'' she says. ``Mine was, `I can't play the game any more.' Hers was,`Things could change. I might find the right man and marry.' ''
Erick (Myers) tells a similar story. He filled a Mormon mission, served in the military. But his childhood yearnings intensified when he went to college.``I was so overwhelmed by the good looking men at BYU I finally went to counseling services for help,'' recalls Erick, who asked that his last name not be used to protect his four children.``The counselor acted under the assumption that sexual identity is a learned behavior. He thought that through conditioning I could develop another sexual identity.''
A year before graduating, Erick experienced ``senior panic'' and decided to marry. Two years later his wife found a letter he had written to a friend, disclosing his homosexual feelings. ``She was disappointed and hurt,'' Erick says. Still, the couple stayed for another decade before his wife demanded a divorce. ``I realized you don't need to fix what ain't broke,'' says Erick. ``That's when I started becoming healthy and feeling good about myself.''
After the divorce, Erick went to gay support groups such as Affirmation, Unconditional Support and Gay Fathers. ``I decided I did not believe some of my LDS beliefs and customs. So, one by one, they dropped by the wayside.'' But he longed for a sense of spirituality, which he now shares with other gays and lesbians at the Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church.
Many Mormon homosexuals continue to go to weekly meetings at their LDS wards. Take one BYU ward in Provo. ``Most of the ward would freak out if they knew half of the back row is gay,'' says Randy Weight, executive director of the Legacy Foundation.
Nikolai, a large man who wears a bear-tooth necklace, isn't fazed about the church's stand on homosexuality. ``We still believe in the church,'' he says. ``They will accept it one day.''
Rather than waiting on the church to change its doctrine, T.J. Burke decided to change himself. The 44-year-old Salt Lake City business owner says he overcame his homosexuality with three years of counseling -- and a lot of basketball. Mr. Burke, a pseudonym, was married in an LDS temple and fathered three children. But periodically, this ``sex addict'' sneaked away to rest stops and parks for homosexual sex.
Then he turned to Evergreen, a support and therapy group for Mormon men that claims a1-in-5 success rate. This organization -- which is not affiliated with the LDS Church – believes some men develop homosexual tendencies because they had bad relationships with their fathers, explains Mr. Burke. Scorned boys turn to their mothers and become involved in ``women's activities.'' To suppress his homosexual urges, Mr. Burke played team sports to bond with men, read books by sexuality experts and talked with peers. Now, he says he fantasizes about women. ``I am thrilled,'' he says. ``My wife is definitely happy now. Change is possible. God may allow [homosexuality] to happen but he doesn't want us to end up that way.'' --
At one time, Utah was known for its tolerance. The Bohemian Club, the first gay social club in the country, was founded in Salt Lake City in 1886, according to Rocky O'Donovan, founder of the Gay and Lesbian Historical Society. Utah's public library system was founded by a lesbian, Ann E. Chapman, for whom a down town library branch is named. Westminster College student Mildred Beryman conducted one of the first studies on lesbians. But when Utah became a state in 1896, sex became political. Polygamy was outlawed and homosexuals were increasingly persecuted, Mr. O'Donovan says. This reached a crescendo in the '50s when officials went on homosexual witch hunts.
Twenty-five years ago, police regularly raided the Radio City bar in Salt Lake City, says Les Emmett, who works at the University of Utah. ``Police would line us up against the wall and demand to see our ID. Ostensibly they were checking for under age drinkers, but it was a matter of harassment.''
Major advances have been made in the last decade. 1990, when the first Gay Pride march was held, was a big year. The Utah State Democratic Party added sexual orientation to its non-discrimination clause. City police appointed a gay liason. And the first issue of The Bridge Magazine, a monthly gay and lesbian publication, was published.
Last year, the U. of U. -- the state's largest employer --added sexual orientation to its non-discrimination clause. The Utah Stonewall Center, a community meeting hall, was opened.
Perhaps no group has done more to bolster visibility than Queer Nation, a radical organization that fights homophobia. Activists staged a kiss-in at a Salt Lake night club. As part of its Suburban Homosexual Outreach Program (SHOP), members don wild garb --army boots and pearls -- and walk through ZCMI stores. In November, members covered city buildings with posters: ``Heteros go homo,'' ``Dyke Power,'' and ``A queer was here.''-- Some activists criticize community leaders --judges, doctors, police and restaurateurs – for not acknowledging that they're gay. ``They cannot afford to come out and chip in and help,'' bemoaned one gay man. ``They can't afford to give the leadership we need.''
Alice Hart was offered a buy out when she came out at the office. ``The more visible I became, the more concerned the company became,'' said the former controller who now co-publishes The Bridge Magazine. ``So they paid me to quit.''
Tony and his lover live in the same apartment building as Sen. Orrin Hatch. Tony, 46, owns a travel agency that offers gay vacation packages. ``I would never deny it, but I wouldn't run out and tell the world,'' he says. ``One homophobic situation can ruin your business.''
But many echo the sentiments of a lesbian bartender who says she will never march on Gay Pride Day: ``You'll be run down or shot if they recognize your face. It's simple.''
No Utah groups have resorted to ``outing'' -- exposing a public figure's sexuality without his or her permission. Queer Nation believes in the right to privacy unless someone is making anti-gay remarks, says Mr. O'Donovan. And choice is at the heart of the gay rights movement.
More than anything, homosexuals say they want to be accepted for who they are, not shunned for whom they love.``What makes you gay is the same thing as what makes someone be an artist or like the color blue,'' Kathy, a 27-year-old lesbian says sadly. ``It's just what makes you you. Everyone who is gay has tried to make it go away, but you can't. Why would anyone be gay if they didn't have to be?''
- Page: A8 Salt Lake Tribune Unitarian minister Barbara Hamilton-Holway officiates as Maureen, [Davies] left, weds Brenda [Voisard]. Maureen wore a gown -- rather than a tuxedo -- to avoid mimicking a heterosexual marriage. They exchanged gold wedding rings, carried bouquets and wore white gowns. When Brenda Voisard married her longtime partner Maureen (Davies) at the First Unitarian Church in 1990, the minister pronounced theirs a ``holy union.'' Friends gathered for a formal dinner, and the two brides cut the cake. ``I didn't know initially if I would feel like this was a parody,'' said the Rev. Barbara Hamilton-Holway, who officiated at the ceremony. ``Then the deep love Brenda and Maureen have for one another was immediately apparent and it made me and everyone else feel comfortable, and like this is a good and right thing.''
Brenda and Maureen, who asked that her last name not be used, are among a growing number of gay and lesbian Utah couples getting ``married.'' About 30 such unions are conducted yearly in Salt Lake City by the Unitarian Universalist Society and the Metropolitan Community Church.
The Quakers have performed one gay ceremony [Rocky O’Donovan and Robert Erichhson]. No state issues marriage licenses to gay or lesbian couples, according to the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force in Washington, D.C., so the ceremonies have no legal standing. Property rights normally bestowed by marriage are handled through private contract.
Brenda and Maureen obtained powers of attorney, allowing each to make financial and medical decisions for the other if one is incapacitated. Wills also were prepared giving each inheritance rights over the other's belongings so ``it wouldn't be assumed that our parents are the primary beneficiaries,'' Maureen said. Since most policies don't cover same-sex spouses, each woman obtained her own health insurance. Each must also file individual tax returns. Brenda and Maureen also are considering having a child. If they choose artificial insemination over adoption, Brenda will carry the child. Once the baby is born, more legal maneuvering will be required so Maureen can become the legal guardian, should something happen to Brenda.
``I was always told by my parents that your partner should be somebody who makes you a better person,'' said Brenda, who is completing a doctorate in counseling psychology. ``We do that for each other.'' But when Brenda told her mother she had found ``Ms. Right,'' her mother's initial reaction was disbelief -- coupled with silence. She hoped Brenda would abandon the idea. Months later Brenda's mother asked her to call off the ceremony. Finally, her mother told her that Maureen was not welcome in the family's Midwestern home.
``My mother sees it as a choice between me or her church,'' Brenda said. ``And she can't fit us in together in her life. She and dad just pulled out all the stops as to how it was unnatural.''
Maureen has not told her parents she is a lesbian -- or that she's married to Brenda. ``Telling them would add stress to what I thought was a happy situation,'' explained the computer systems manager. Maureen's sister, however, did attend the wedding. ``It is a wonderful thing and it is a holy thing,'' Brenda said of the ceremony. ``And our commitment is that we will be together forever, if we can.'' : (01/12/92 Page: A8 SLTribune)
- Page: A8 Salt Lake Tribune LDS CHURCH IS COMMITTED TO CHANGING HOMOSEXUALS By Peggy Fletcher Stack
The Mormon Church has come to view homosexuality much like Jews and other Christians. Same-sex attraction is not a sin, but homosexual acts are. Unlike other faiths, however, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is convinced that ``such [homosexual] thoughts and feelings, regardless of their causes, can and should be overcome.'' While other religious leaders believe altering one's sexual orientation is possible, no other church is as institutionally committed to the idea of change.
In 1959, Mormon Apostles Spencer W. Kimball and Mark E. Peterson were assigned to investigate and counsel cases of sexual misconduct. From this experience, Elder Kimball began to formulate church policy on gays and lesbians. ``Homosexuality in men and women runs counter to . . . divine objectives and, therefore, is to be avoided and forsaken,'' Elder Kimball wrote in the 1973 Priesthood Bulletin, an official LDS publication. ``Failure to work closely with one's bishop or stake president in cases involving homosexual behavior will require prompt church court action.''
By the mid 1970s, aggressive efforts were made to find, counsel and, if necessary, discipline practicing LDS homosexuals. Methods to change homosexual feelings and behavior included prayer and fasting, hypnosis, mind control, and encouragement to follow the normal Mormon social patterns of serving an LDS mission, getting married and having children. Gays and lesbians were told to avoid masturbation and association with other homosexuals.
Possibly the most controversial counseling approach practiced during this time was known as ``aversion therapy.'' This program, long since abandoned, was built on the concept of negative reinforcement. Volunteers who wanted to change their sexual orientation were induced to vomit or shocked on the arm while viewing erotic pictures of naked men.
``When shock was being introduced during the viewing of a male slide, I could stop the shock by pressing a plunger, which would cause a slide of a clothed woman to appear on the screen,'' Don D. Harryman, a former Mormon who had aversion therapy twice a week for a year, writes in the recently published book Peculiar People. If all therapies failed, a church disciplinary court was called to ``hasten'' the process of repentance.
Roger Salazar, 37, an excommunicated Mormon described his experience: ``I had a year of weekly counseling sessions with my bishop, in which he basically asked, `Did you do it [have homosexual sex] this week?' I always answered, `No. 'But I was still troubled. When I told my stake president that, although I was not having sexual experiences, I still needed counseling on how to quit being gay, he responded: Do you think you need a court?
``A disciplinary court was held for 8 hours during which I was grilled by the High Council [made up of 12 church high priests] on the specific details of my sexual experience, attitudes and attractions. Nothing was said in my defense. I felt like a Jew in front of Germans, hated for what I was even though there was nothing I could do about it.''
In the late '80s, more awareness of homosexuality began to emerge in church circles through Mormon-oriented independent periodicals. Perhaps the most widely read work on the subject was Carol Lynn Pearson's 1986 book Goodbye, I Love You, a wrenching tale of being married to an LDS homosexual who eventually died of AIDS.
The church responded by revising the Bishop's Handbook, an official LDS guide to policy and procedure, to make a distinction between homosexuality and homosexual behavior.
Now marriage is rarely pushed as a solution, and excommunication is used less frequently. Such disciplinary actions are only mandatory when ``the person holds a prominent church position, [the behavior] is widely known or continues a pattern of serious transgression.''
Adds Don LeFevre, LDS spokesman: ``The extent of ecclesiastical discipline of members of the church often dependsupon the attitude of the member.'' The church continues its efforts to change homosexuals. LDS Social Services recently hired psychologist Dean Byrd to gather data on the number of gays and lesbians changed by therapy. Alan Gundry, a licensed therapist, is developing methods to treat homosexuality as addictive behavior.
- 12 January 1992 AIDS cases rise dramatically in Utah. (SLTribune Page A-8 01/12/98)
- 12 January 1992 Suicide is the No.1 cause of death among homosexual teens. (SLTribune Page A-9 01/12/98)
- The LDS Church published booklet Understanding and Helping Those Who Have Homosexual Problems: Suggestions for Ecclesiastical Leaders
13 January 1992 Monday
I went back to school and I was so tired this morning. I’m on my fruit and vegetable diet. The one I’m suppose to lose ten points in a week. I usually do. It’s time. I can hardly fit into my clothes. I bet I weigh 215 pounds or more.
Anyway I have been reading a lot from a book I bought at Rhino Nest called Practical Magic In the Northern Tradition. It’s really fascinating.
Jeff workman didn’t get home until nearly seven this evening so I mad him some fried rice for dinner and made up some pasta salad for him tomorrow. I was really good and stuck to my fruit diet.
We watched “Evening Shade”, “Blossom”, “Murphy Brown”, and “Designing Women”, before going to bed at nine tonight. I was so tired. I had acid indigestion all last night and that’s a major indicator that I am eating way too much.
Additional Material
- In Practical Magic in the Northern Tradition, Nigel Pennick gives us an indepth introduction to the beliefs and spiritual techniques indigenous to the Northern People. The Northern Tradition encompasses the Germanic, Norse, Celtic and Baltic Lands, ranging from Austria and Bohemia, through Switzerland, Germany, and Northern France, and including Ireland, Britain, Iceland, Scandinavia, and the Baltic Countries, Northern Poland and Western Russia. We begin by looking at the perceptions of space, time and direction. Nigel Pennick explains the solar year and the lunar cycles, and then the day and its tides. Next we learn the Natural Lore of the Northern Tradition. Crystals, Metals and Stones. Lore of the Living World ~ Bird Lore, the Raven, Robin and Crow. The Lore of Trees ~ Alder, Apple, Ash, Oak and Thorn, Mistletoe, Rowan, Willow and Yew. Nigel Pennick then goes on to explain the Mystic Mandrake, the Earth Spirits, Ley Lines, Fairy Paths and Holy Ground.
14 January 1992 Tuesday
I stayed late at school using the computer to type up my Space Unit so I didn’t get home until 5:30 this afternoon but Jeff Workman didn’t get home until 7:30. He’s started a new In-Service class. It snowed on me while walking home from Main Street. I’m still on my diet. It’s my vegetable day. Oh, John Reeves called me tonight and said he got all the books I sent him.
15 January 1992-Wednesday-
It was a cold dreary winter day. I’m on my third day of my diet. I get to eat both fruit and vegetables today. I’m feeling a little tired and hungry but that’s okay.
When Jeff Workman came home from work, he took me grocery shopping. I also had to get a card for Dad’s birthday and some bananas for my meals tomorrow. I ran into Russ Lane at Albertson’s. He looked well. I don’t feel anything for him anymore. That’s ancient history, I suppose. I don’t know how to introduce Jeff. “Hi, this is my friend?” “Hi This is my lover?” So I just say this is Jeff.
I bought Bobbie Smith some food that was on sale and we dropped it off to him at the Rhino Nest. Todd “Homo Erectus” Bennett and Dave “Thunderbeam” Ball showed up later so it was kind of fun. Blair Lewis and Peter Crane are a lot of fun. A lot of people dropped by the Rhino Nest while we were there that I hadn’t seen in a long time since leaving the Utah Stonewall center, including Vince and John. It was a fun night being silly. We went home about 8:30.
Jeff and I opened our mail and for the Salt and Sage from the PO Box while we were running around. In the mail we received two subscriptions for the Salt and Sage, one from Bethsaida Maryland and one from Eugene, Oregon.
I had an obscene message on my answering machine, “Suck My Dick Bitch”. Ha! Can’t. I have a boyfriend. Oh Well
16 January 1992 Thursday
It’s the fourth day of my diet and banana day. Yay. I eat up to eight bananas and eight glasses of skim milk. Trust me, it really fills you up.
Nothing much else to report today except Fuku is leaving for California tomorrow to visit his folks so he dropped by to visit. He also brought by the faerie letters that were sent to us to be input into the Salt and Sage while he is gone.
Jeff Workman was at a Parent Teacher Conference thing all day so I didn’t see him until I was about ready for bed. It was nice to stay home this cold evening.
I mailed off Dad’s birthday card so he should get it in time.
17 January 1998-Friday-
It was a hard day at work because the kids were hyper right before a holiday. Mr. Stanger is being an asshole again today. While I was teaching a lesson on prejudice, he poked his head in and made all the boys remove their baseball caps. What a little tyrant.
Anyhow, after school came home and tried to unwind. Jeff Workman was out with some of his school teacher buddies so I went down to Bobbie Smith’s pad to use Todd Bennett’s computer. I’d like to have the Salt and Sage done by this weekend.
When Jeff came home, we went over to the Rhino Nest for coffee and hung out for a while. I read Alex Gallegos medicine cards at the Rhino Nest this evening. His main totem was the deer of which he had a strong affinity. The deer totem represents gentleness, caring and kindness. He chose Walking Shadow for his faerie name. That was fun.
I bought a music cassette tape at the Rhino Nest so Becky Moorman can’t say I am not being supportive.
18 January 1998 Saturday-
Jeff workman and I went running around this morning first to PACE warehouse and then to Smith’s. At PACE I bought a holder for my VCR tapes and some other items I needed.
Then I spent much of the day cleaning the apartment for tonight's Snow-Frost Full Moon. I took out the small bed and put the round dining table out on the balcony porch to make more room.
Jeff and I bought a new dining room table for $100. It’s all wood and not brass and glass like my old one. I like it a lot better.
Anyhow, we made space in the dining room to hold the circle.
Homo Erectus read the medicine cards for a friend of Enzio’s today. His name is Larry and is from Ogden. His main totem was Badger which represents aggressiveness and assertion. One of my fiercest totem animals in the badger and it's not pretty when he gets aroused.
Morning Star spent much of the afternoon copying the words to my Lunacy Tape because at the gathering tonight we are going to learn some new songs.
People started arriving at seven this evening and there were an even dozen of us- Todd “Homo Erectus” Bennett, Enzio, Larry of Ogden, Bobbie “Gillian” Smith, Jason “Red Coyote” Dimmick, Kevin “Shar” Warren who changed it from Ceo Kjammi, Trent who adopted the name of Golden Pixie, Harold “Silver Fox” Jones, Alex “Walking Shadow” Gallegos, Jeff “Morning Star” Workman, David “Thunder Beam” Ball who is changing his name to Moon Fire, and myself Gayflower.
We came together to celebrate the Snow Frost Moon by learning new songs, and reviewing some of the old ones. After calling the directions into the circle we entered with bestowing a kiss as a gift to Morningstar who was our Yule Pillar for the ritual. We also discussed our feelings about doing sex magic rituals within the group. We couldn’t come to a consensus so we decided to visit the subject later. We chose “Moonfire” to be our “purse keeper” for any money we raise from selling the Salt and Sage.
We had many new Pixies in the circle but many of the elder Faeries were absent. However it was a great gathering with exactly the right amount of faerie folks. The gathering lasted three hours until 10:30 tonight.
The womyn faeries didn’t hold a gathering today as that Applestar said they were all too busy. Priorities not busyness kept them from celebrating the magic of the moon. I heard that Alice Hart and Becky Moorman want to start a separate womyn faerie group at the Rhino Nest. That would be a good idea.
Additional Material –
- The Utah AIDS Foundation and American Civil Liberties Union, opposed House Bill 26 sponsored by Sandy Democrat Rep. Kurt E. Oscarson. The House Human Services Committee on on Friday unanimously approved the bill requiring prostitutes and their customers to undergo mandatory tests for HIV infection. ``Putting people in prison for HIV is not the way to do it,'' stated Robert Austin, associate director of the Utah AIDS Foundation.
Kathryn Kendell, ACLU staff counsel, said prostitution doesn't necessarily include sexual contact. Even if it does, ``there are ways one can engage in safe sex -- as much as 98 percent safe.''
“`Let me beg you not to use that term,'' responded Dr. Harry L. Gibbons, Salt Lake City-County health director who prefers ‘less-dangerous sex.'' (01/18/92 Page: A1 SLTribune).
- EVERGREEN GAYS HAVE RIGHTS, CAN GO STRAIGHT To the editor: Gays should be protected against hate crimes just as any other type of person. However, supporting laws to protect deviant people against hate crimes does not mean that we should stop condemning their sexual perversions and taking prudent and lawful measures to protect society against those sexual perversions.
The truth that homosexuals can change even if they are born with a propensity toward homosexuality is dramatically proved by a recent study of twins (Dec. 16, Deseret News). The study showed that in 50 percent of the cases where one brother is gay, his twin brother was straight - even though the straight brother is genetically identical to his gay twin.
If the gay twins have difficulty in becoming straight, even though their identical twins who have the same propensity to be homosexual may have made the transition of the decision to be straight without much trouble, the gay twin brothers can also make the transition with the help of therapists and organizations such as Evergreen, Homosexuals Anonymous and Exodus.
Various Protestant and Catholic ministries and LDS Social services can provide the names of trustworthy therapists and addresses and phone numbers of these organizations that have helped so many homosexuals go straight. Those who have made the transition from gay to straight usually cannot give out their names because of the shame and embarrassment to their spouse and children they have had after going straight. Some brave ex-homosexuals have risked shame and embarrassment to themselves and their families By writing about their transition or by working on the staffs of Evergreen, Homosexual Anonymous and Exodus to help homosexuals change as they have changed. E. Richardson Salt Lake City
19 January 1992 Sunday
Jeff Workman and I slept in this morning after such a hectic day yesterday. I tried to get a hold of John “Dark Feather’ Bundy with little luck as he said he was coming down this weekend to help work on the Salt and Sage but I guess he had to work.
In the afternoon I walked over to the Rhino Nest and discussed the merits of an Apple Computer over an IBM with Homo Erectus, Blair Lewis, and Becky Moorman and I’m even more confused than ever. Morningstar and I want to buy a computer for school work as well as for use for the Salt and Sage.
We came back to Del Mar Court at five this afternoon to watch Star Trek and input more content into Todd Bennett’s computer. I brought an apple cobbler over to for the gang.
After the Church of Star Trek, Dave Ball, Jeff and I decided to go see the movie “Poison” at the Tower Theater. However It didn’t start until 9:15 tonight so went to Affirmation hoping to see John Bundy there but he wasn’t. I made a pizza bet with Dave and Jeff that I could keep my mouth shut the entire meeting. Boy was I tested because a group calling themselves “Gays and Lesbians for Spirituality” was giving a presentation with Duff Dazley, “the MoMo” just doing all the talking.
Both Jeff and Dave wanted to leave because it was sickening how they were such sycophants for Mormonism but I wanted to stay to prove I would not talk, which I did. I saw Jon Butler and Renn. I heard from Jon Butler that Willy Marshall is back in Albany, New York with some trick and that is why he wasn’t at Affirmation tonight.
Affirmation had one its largest turn outs in a long time tonight. Duff has said there has to be an opening and closing prayer and singing Mormon hymns. Why don’t they just go ahead and join the Restoration Church?
Dave, Jeff and I had a good laugh when these two cute young Queens were skipping out of the Unitarian Cultural Hall singing, “Into the Woods” and not watching where they were going slammed into a locked exit door. It was like right out of a cartoon.
Anyhow from Affirmation we went to the Tower Theater to see “Poison”. I thought it was a powerful, moving film. Of course my favorite part was the homo scenes. The prison rape scene in Poison was powerful and disturbing at the same time.
Curtis Jensen and his Queer Nation set were there, as was Marlin Criddle and his partner David Turner. Some members of Queer Nation were copping an attitude with me but I filleted them. Queer Nation?! Obnoxious Attitude Nation is more like it.
The show was over at 11:15 at night and so Dave just took Jeff and I home. It was a pretty busy day and I have to help Susan McCoy move tomorrow morning.
Additional Material
- Poison is a 1991 American science fiction drama horror film written and directed by Todd Haynes. It is composed of three intercut stories that are partially inspired by the novels of Jean Genet. With its gay themes, Poison is considered an early entry in the New Queer Cinema movement. The film had its world premiere at the Sundance Film Festival on January 11, 1991.
20 January 1992 Monday Human Rights Day
I woke up at 7:30 this morning to get ready to meet Susan McCoy at 8. Jeff Workman drove me over to her place but she wasn’t there. As that Jeff had left in his truck, I walked the four blocks home in ten degree weather to find that Jeff wasn’t there either so I walked back over to Susan’s who was there by then. Just another man she works with and myself were all the people there to help her. We moved a washer and dryer, a hide a way bed couch, a bunch of dressers and other stuff. It was a workout for sure but we were done by noon.
I came back home and slept until Jeff came home at 2 this afternoon. He went into work today to get things done without the kids there.
Rosa Park, the mother of the Black Civil Rights Movement, was in Salt Lake City today to commemorate the holiday. The state legislature refused to name the federal holiday after Martin Luther King.
Anyhow, I was able to contact John “Dark Feather” Bundy so he could reformat our faerie disc on his Page Maker program. Jeff drove me up to Layton to drop it off to him. This is why we so need our own computer. Dark Feather said he’d lay out the Salt and Sage on page maker himself and we could pick it up from him later this week.
We could only stay in Ogden until 4:15 this afternoon as I had another appointment with Robert Card at 5. At Card’s I don’t have a clue what the Judge from Hell is going to do to me on the 29th and neither did he. I’m at the point that I don’t care what they do to me, just get it over with.
I stayed home for the rest of the evening with Jeff and I was pretty cross with him and everyone else today. So frustrated with the world.
Additional Material
- The Utah Stonewall Center sponsored a community outreach and fund raiser featuring comedienne Bertice Berry, an African American sociologist, author, lecturer, and educator as part of a Human Rights Day Program presented at Kingsbury Hall.
21 January 1992 Tuesday
It was tiring going back to work today, but I got through it. It’s so cold outside. At home, I cleaned the kitchen and was surprised when Jeff Workman came home at 5:30 this afternoon. I guess he decided to drop that Tuesday night Class.
Sharon Philpot came over at 6 this evening because I had called the Cable TV to have it installed but she said I couldn’t until the Greeks approve it. When I said I thought it was unfair that some people can get it and others can’t, Sharon got real defensive like I was attacking her. I’m kind of getting tired of being here. Everything is too small.
Anyway after Sharon left, Jimmy Hamamoto came over and we walked to the Rhino Nest where I fed Bobbie Smith and Jimmy some supper there. Alice Hart went a Pride Day meeting tonight and Becky Moorman said that Gail Scott was asked to coordinate the March on Washington after Alice and Becky had already been contacted and had put so much work into it already. Their noses are really out of joint. I still think people should have brought this project to the Community Council first.
22 January 1992 Wednesday
It was a cold, smoggy, foggy wintry day. I came straight home from work and tried doing up the dishes. There’s a pile. I made some lintel loaf for dinner tonight for Jeff Workman and me.
Dave Ball dropped by in the evening and stayed to watch Bette Midler and Shelly Long in “Outrageous Fortune” with us. While watching the show, I got a surprised call from David Sharpton. He sounded so weak. He said he had been in the hospital again with pneumonia. The air quality here is killing him. He also said that he’s moving from Utah on February 11th to go live with his uncle and his uncle’s lover in Ontario, California. David will be 32 years old on February 8th. He sounded really frail and a lot of the old fight is gone. I guess the DDC drug wasn’t any good against the virus after all. David has gotten priority treatment in Utah because of who he is and who he knows. I wonder if anyone in California will give a shit about him where he will be just one of thousands dying. I guess he and Michael Angotti will separate and go their own ways too. It’s an end of an era.
When David first came to Utah in 1986 some people were skeptical that he even had AIDS as he appeared to be so healthy. It does sweep everyone away; the beautiful and the plain, the young and the old, the meek and the bold, the hardy and the lame. AIDS is not a respecter of people’s wealth, influence, or rank in society. I have to believe that we Gay men are being recycled for a much better place.
23 January 1992 Thursday
I took a “Peer Coaching” In-service class the Joanne Sandberg, a 4th Grade teacher tonight. She drove us up to Oak Hills Elementary in Bountiful so she could have someone to evaluate her rather than Stanger. Peer Coaching will replace having Stanger come in to evaluate me and will let another teacher come instead. I don’t trust Stanger to be impartial and fair. The class lasted until 5:30 in the late afternoon so I didn’t get home until 6:30 after taking the bus.
Jeff Workman went off to Unconditional Support while I just stayed home, cleaned up a little around the place, but mostly watched TV, especially “The Simpsons.” It was too cold to go over to the Rhino Nest and besides I am just real cozy staying home. I haven’t heard from John Bundy yet whether he’s done formatting the Salt and Sage ‘Zine or not.
24 January 1992 Friday
Stanger finally handed out our W-2 Tax forms and I made $19,800 last year teaching school. But hey! At least I am working. The recession is really hurting a lot of people. It did piss me off that I still had to pay some income tax to the government even if it was only $7 more than last year.
Joanne Sandberg gave me a ride into Salt Lake after work. I’m not sure why she is being so nice to me except she wants me give her a good evaluation.
I stopped at First Professional Bank to get some money for the weekend. I pulled out $65. When Jeff Workman came home at 6 this evening, we went down to the Utah Stonewall Center for the Gay and Lesbian Community Council Board of Trustees meeting. I wasn’t going to attend but Jeff really wanted to go so I went with him. It looks like mostly only Sacred Faeries attending. While there Jeff bought us tickets to the Stop AIDS Coalition’s “Groovy Guy” Contest.
After the Board of Trustees Meeting we borrowed up some chairs from the center and took them over to the Rhino Nest and headed over there. We hung out until 9 o’clock before going to the show.
The movie Dave Ball, Bobbie Smith, Todd Bennett, Jimmy Hamamoto, Jeff and I went to see was My Private Idaho which had Keneau Reeves and River Phoenix playing male hustlers. It was really bizarre but excellent. John Bush and Mike Conners sat in front of us. I saw a lot of faggots I knew in the theater. The place was packed with homos. Anyway it was after midnight before getting home.
I heard from Bobbie Smith that Robert Olson and he are officially split up. I did manage to get in touch with John Bundy. He said the Salt and Sage was ready to be picked up.
25 January 1992 Saturday
Today is Jeff Wood’s birthday although I am not sure whether he turned 29 or 30. Anyhow both Jeff Workman and I were up by 8:30 this morning so we could be in Layton by 10 because I told John Bundy we would pick up the Salt and Sage masters then. Actually we were a bit early. Dark Feather was grousing about how long it took for him to layout the ‘zine so I gave him $10 as well as $7.50 to give this friend who made a laser print copy for us. Actually you could tell that Dark Feather isn’t too interested in making the Salt and Sage happen anymore.
Anyway, afterwards Jeff and I drove to Weber State University in Ogden to check out the education program there but since it was Saturday everything was closed up. However it was fun seeing my old Alma Mater where I got my elementary teaching certificate. Jeff got his from Westminster College. Technically I got my Secondary Education degree from Brigham Young. It’s been about 10 years since I left Weber. Between Grocery shopping and running around we had a very hectic day.
I bought some Cartoon video tapes for the VCR and rented Thelma and Louise which was excellent. So I spent most of tonight watching videos and cutting and pasting art work to go into the Salt and Sage ‘zine.
26 January 1992 Sunday
I slept in until 9 this morning and then made Jeff Workman some breakfast of biscuits, scrambled eggs, and hash browns Later in the morning we went to the O.P. Club copiers and ran off 100 copies of the Salt and Sage. It cost $23 all in all and with the $17.50 I paid Dark Feather it costs us about forty cents an issue.
Also we went to Sears on State Street to buy some pants. I bought size 38 waist and they were too tight! Ugh!Ugh! I know I have been really stressed out over this court thing so I have been eating crazily. I’ve notice that there’s more hair in the shower drain when I shower in the morning. What is happening there?
At the Rhino Nest, Becky Moorman bought ten of the Candlemas Issues outright to sell in the bookstore and she said she would run an ad in the Easter edition.
Jeff and I went to the Church of Star Trek but found that it was canceled as that Todd Bennett was being bitchy at John Bundy, and the Salt and Sage, even though Enzio was down from Ogden.
So Jeff and I left, went back home, and got ready for the Groovy Guy Contest that was being held at the SUN. We went early at 6:30 and that was the only reason we found a seat because the place was packed by 8. There were lots of people I knew, but there were mostly people I didn’t. Walt Larabee was the emcee for it. I didn’t know any of the contestants but this black guy won out over all these blond clones. Vanilla is nice but once in a while you crave chocolate. The feature performer was great but very risqué. I thought for sure we would get shut down at times by the police but the times “they are a-changing.”
27 January 1992 Monday
It was so hard to get up this morning after getting home so late and out drinking. I was in such a deep sleep that it was just by accident I woke up at 6:05. Jeff Workman didn’t even get up until I was leaving the house at 6:55. It was still dark out as I walked over to Main Street because the sun doesn’t even come up until 7:40.
I was glad it was a half day so I could get a lot of my grades done and ready to hand out in case I am not back after Wednesday’s court appearance.
I came home as soon as I could and was just too exhausted to do anything. I did not clean the house, go out, or do anything. I really didn’t feel all that great either. Maybe a hang over?
Jeff was home by 6:30 this evening and he said he mailed my letter to the Private Eye Weekly concerning the fuss Queer Nation is making over this KTKK circus. Mills Crenshaw and Jim Kirkwood are two talk radio hosts who are homophobes who are just trying to boost their ratings by ranting about Gays. They are trying to shove their homophobia in our faces and have a platform from which to do it.
Anyhow I just stayed home this evening and watched TV. It’s been so smoggy and chilly these many days. I am experiencing the winter depression blues. Is it asking too much to see blue skies and the sun?
Harold “Silver Fox” Jones came over today to pick up a copy of the Salt and Sage as we are not hand delivering them anymore. However I did called “Peanut Butter”, Jason “Red Coyote” Dimmick and Scott “Jasper Nightshade’ Spinks, our Pixies, to remind them about the gathering this Saturday.
28 January 1992 Tuesday
I made arrangements for my substitute for tomorrow. This court thing has been gnawing at me so I am so very stressed out. Well at least it will be over, one way or another, tomorrow.
When Jeff Workman came home, he didn’t want us to turn on the TV but rather just spend time together the two of us. I think he is just as worried that I might be going to jail as I am. Jeff joined the Spa Fitness Center to do aerobics. I am glad he’s doing something that he likes to do to work out his stress.
To get out of the apartment, we did go to the Utah Stonewall Center to drop off some Salt and Sage ‘Zines for the library. Dave Ball was volunteering there tonight. From the Stonewall Center we went to the Rhino Nest where Bobbie Smith and Frank Lohmeyer were grousing about the Stonewall Center. I guess Bob had been giving the run around about acquiring furniture for the center. Well there’s no way those people running the center is going to be upfront with anyone. We stayed at the Rhino Nest until 10, just visiting and wishing me the best tomorrow.
29 January 1992 Wednesday
I have little regard or respect for the legal system of Utah. It’s such bull shit. I appeared in court at 9 this morning like I was supposed to do, scared shitless I might add, and Van Scriver postponed my sentencing again until February 26th! She said she didn’t see anything in Card’s reports to indicate that I shouldn’t be sent to jail! That fucking asshole judge has made me jump through all these hoops, has put me through severe mental stress for 4 months, and still wants to put me in jail?
My lawyer was even appalled. Cox said he’s going to bring in Card to testify on my behalf, otherwise it’s a certainty that I am going to jail. I probably will anyway. I am resigned to the fact that I will probably lose my job over this. I think Van Scriver is just plain cruel and what she is putting me through is pure homophobic vindictiveness. I don’t know what Card has been writing up in his reports that I pay him $75 a whack. Either he’s just stringing me along or Van Scriver is just discounting them.
I am going to jail for a victimless crime. Well my real crime is being Gay in Utah and coming before a homophobic judge. I had heard horror stories about her before and now I know they are true. Another month, I have this sword suspended over my head for another month and not only for me but for my friends and people who care about me. They are angry too.
If I am not supposed to be a teacher, them I guess I will have to accept that. I feel so violated and abused. Who is the real victim here? Me or society?
When Jeff Workman came home, he was so happy to see me but angry that this is still an issue that we have to go through. We had to go running around for some craft supplies for his class. It helped me get out of my own head.
Additional Material-
- Utah’s House of Representative passed House Bill 26 requiring prostitutes and their customers to under go mandatory tests for HIV infection. with a vote of 62-5.. (01/29/92 Page: B2 SLTribune)
- HATE-CRIME BILL OPPONENTS LASH OUT AT HOMOSEXUALITY DURING CAPITOL HILL DEBATE PERSECUTION: `SEXUAL ORIENTATION' SHOULDN'T BE INCLUDED IN BILL, SOME SAY. By Bob Bernick Jr., Political Editor The debate over a bill aimed at stopping hate crimes - those prompted by bigotry and bias - actually showed some bias Wednesday. Some of those opposed to the bill - which includes homosexuals as a special group - lashed out against homosexuality. And they said that those who stand against homosexuality - including U.S. Sen. Jesse Helms of North Carolina - have in turn been victims of hate attacks by gays and lesbians. Debate on the bill will continue Friday morning. But some Republicans and Democrats on the House Judiciary Committee have already indicated they don't want to include homosexual victims in the bill. Joy Beech of Families Alert said statistics show that a number of homosexuals molest children - a statement that brought groans from some of the audience. She said homosexuals should not be a group included in Rep. Frank Pignanelli's hate-crime bill. The bill would impose increased penalties for almost any crime committed against a person because of the victim's race, religion, ancestry, national origin, ethnicity or sexual orientation. Sodomy is a crime in Utah. Beech said, "We should not give privilege to those who actually violate our laws and are criminals." Beech's argument focuses on part of the issue and is much disputed by Pignanelli, D-Salt Lake, and other supporters of the bill. Pignanelli said at least half of all hate crimes committed in Utah are committed against gays and lesbians, so it makes little sense to have a hate crime law and exclude them. "Some men think it's a good time to get drunk and go gay bashing," Pignanelli said. Dale Sorenson, speaking for a gay group, said gay organizations have documented 273 violent attacks against gays and lesbians in 1990, with most gays saying they've been harassed at some time. "These are planned, premeditated attempts to destroy Utah's diversity. Hate crimes have a higher impact than, say, a bar fight because they strike at the core of a person's identity." A number of religious, racial and ethnic organizations support the bill, including Jewish groups, the NAACP, Hispanic groups and gay and lesbian groups. But opponents are also vocal. Said Gayle Ruzicka of the Eagle Forum, "Acts of homosexuality are illegal. I can't believe that you would place a higher penalty on a gang that raped a homosexual youth than on one that raped my daughter? Why not just enforce our current laws?" Rep. Joanne Milner, D-Salt Lake, choking with emotion, said she was touched by a hate crime. She was the Sunday school teacher of the woman who was jogging with two black men when they were shot dead near Liberty Park by avowed racist Joseph Paul Franklin. "If we don't pass this bill it blackens the eye of our state, it bruises our image. It's something we can't afford to do."
30 January 1992 Thursday
I’m in a blue funk over this court crap. My mind is going a million miles a second worried about my future. I don’t fear jail, maybe I should. What I fear is losing my job and the economic uncertainties that it would bring in this depressed economy.
I need to call Card and make another appointment but my anger is directed at him also. So how effective can he be with me if the judge won’t accept his reports? I have no trust or confidence in him. Why doesn’t Card and Cox know what Van Scriver is looking for if they have dealt with her so many times before in cases involving Gays being arrested? They are supposed to be the experts and have dealt with her before. However if she’s just out to get another fag off the streets there’s little I can do except try to minimize the pain she is inflicting on me because of her cruelty, intentional or not.
I went to my Peer Coaching class this afternoon and got that all out of the way. Although because of the postponing of my sentencing, everything is up in the air. It’s like I don’t even know if I’ll be teaching in a month, so why bother? Today is the end of the term and I let the kids have a small party. The show must go on.
Depression is wearing me out and affecting my mental health. I stayed home and watched the Simpsons this evening while Jeff Workman went out to go to Unconditional Support. I didn’t feel like being around people but I guess it’s time to start attending again to get out of my space.
I am so depressed and I think thoughts of suicide. So many have already passed over why not me? If it wasn’t for Jeff, I wonder whether the pain in this world is worth it.
31 January 1992- Friday
I slept in this morning until 6:10. I guess this depression is affecting my sleep. I went into work but as it was Career Ladder Day there were no kids so I could really get some work done. I got most of my grades recorded except for the kids who haven’t turned in their Revolutionary War Units. I created a Westward Movement Unit in the afternoon and stayed at work until 6 this evening typing on the computer.
I got paid today $1,661 to be exact but had $400 taken out; $173 in Federal taxes, $75 in State Taxes, $127 for Social Security, and other deductions $49.
After Jeff Workman came home, we decided to go out and see a movie. We went to see another Peter Greenaway movie called “Drowning by Numbers.” It was bizarre but interesting. However before going to the show, we dropped in at the Rhino Nest and Queer Nation was having a meeting there to protest the state legislature’s removal of sexual orientation from the Hate Crime Bill; the Bastards.
It was the Gay and Lesbian Democrat people who pushed so strongly for the bill and we are the ones who get dropped from the bill? I am so disgusted with Utah and everything about this state right now.
I got into a little catfight with Jared Brown a member of Queer Nation. He’s such a twerp thinking he knows who I am and what I have done to help build this community. The young have no memories.
Additional Material
- The Utah AIDS Foundation moved from office space on 9th East to its first permanent home located at 1408 South 1100 East in Salt Lake City. The new offices were decorated with donations solicited by the American Society of Interior Designers, Utah Chapter, which made the foundation its 1992 project. The agency moved into its new home on Saturday
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