Fall Fourth Quarter Journal 1993 October-December

 OCTOBER

1 October 1993 Friday

It seemed so much more like a Saturday or Sunday. So I cleaned my apartment, went grocery shopping, and bought a monthly bus pass. Then I rode down to the Stonewall Center. When I arrived it was 1:45 in the afternoon. I was disconcerted to find that the door was unlocked yet no one was at the Center. I was worried at first thinking perhaps something was wrong but since no volunteer was scheduled. I wasn’t sure what was going on. Most likely who ever volunteered last night forgot to lock up or didn’t know how.

            So I went inside and finished scrubbing the tile floors on my hands and knees and waxing them while we had no one here. It was a big job and I’m really tired now. Then I worked in the library until later when Affirmation had a dance here at night.

Rocky O’Donovan is giving his history presentation on Sunday. I’m kind of mad at him. Yesterday Duane Jennings, the director of Affirmation said that Rocky wanted help from Affirmation to pay his way up from Moab. I told Duane that I already paid Rocky $25 out of my own pocket for him to come up here and if anything Affirmation should be reimbursing me or paying me half of what I already spent bringing him up.

            Then Rocky had left a message on my machine checking to see if I’ve gotten an overhead projector yet, saying Affirmation was going to rent one for him to use tonight. I left him a message informing him that I’ve already spent all the out of pocket expenses I am going to do on him. If Spence Barker of Ogden doesn’t come up with a projector then he can do without! I am completely and utterly through helping that pompous ass. He always wants everyone else to do the heavy lifting than he takes all the credit. I will never ask him for a single solitary thing again!

            I wrote John Cunningham a letter tonight. I am not sure why. He won’t ever write back. I’m just an old fool.

 

2 October 1993-Saturday

It was a beautiful autumn day in the valley. I finished typing up a draft of the library by-laws and procedures and then rode my bike down to the Center to met up with Lynn Gillman. However I was way early as I didn’t realize she wasn’t scheduled to come in until 4 in the afternoon for her shift. Since the 1 o’clock volunteer never showed up until 3, I stayed and worked the front desk. When Lynn came, she gave me the changes to the by-laws she proposed so I could make a final draft to give to Melissa Sillitoe.

            This legal assistant named Chuck Herro from the law firm of Spence, Moriarity, and Schuster out of Jackson Hole, Wyoming called again seeking more information in our Library Archives that might help in a case against the blood bank.  So I dug around in my files and found copies of back issues of Gay local newspapers published prior to the Triangle. Evidently the hospital blood bank insinuating that there was no Gay community prior to the beginning of AIDS.

            I left the Center at 5 this afternoon to go riding around because it was so nice out and a strange thing happened. This homeless kid stops me and asked me if I was a homosexual. I thought at first he was going to harass me or worse but he just wanted to testify to me that Jesus loved me but hates homosexuality. I thought to myself this is the same strange dichotomy of all religious fanatics. How can you love me and hate me at the same time?

            I rode on home afterwards and didn’t go out for the rest of the evening although Benjamin Anderson called and wanted me to go out with him. I had to decline because I had too much to do for tomorrow.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Wendy and Colin King held a wrap up dinner at their home for those people who held a dozen delightful soiree fund-raisers in August and September for the Utah AIDS Foundation. Guests enjoyed champagne and hors d'oeuvres on the balcony, Lane Pellinger, chef at Fresco Italian Cafe, had scant chance to take in the scenery, being hard at work in the kitchen preparing the Italian delicacies for which Fresco is known. Guests sat at two beautifully appointed tables to dine on eggplant soup and ravioli stuffed with smoked salmon and ricotta cheese, topped with saffron cream swirl. Utah AIDS Foundation executive director LaDonna Moore dropped by to thank Susan Stauffer and Tom Ehmer, co-chairmen of the dinners that have attracted 450 people and raised needed funds to fight AIDS. On the guest list: Rick Casey; Peggy Tomsic; Gary Billingsley; Marc Parkin; Marilyn Parkin; Diane Redden; Ann Wassermann; Dave Milne and Wendy Faber; Doug Patton; and Scott Bancroft. 10/10/93  Page: C8 SLTribune)   

3 October 1993- Sunday-

Achy, achy achy! I’ve got a true blue full blown cold! And I had so much I had to do today but I feel like shit. But I still went to Smith’s on 8^th and 9^th and bought James Kelly and Aaron Smith a wedding present. I came home and wrapped it then tried to sleep as much as possible.

            At 3 in the afternoon, I rode down to the Center where Russell Kracke picked me up to take me over to Danny Brujillo and Kevin Clark’s beautiful house located just west of Redwood Road and 7^th North in the Rose Park area surrounded mostly by non-Mormon neighbors. I’ve been very judgmental lately, especially about Kevin and Danny and I need to stop. They are very sweet men who just have different priorities than me. There’s nothing wrong with that. I was wrong judging Rocky O’Donovan too. I guess he can’t help being who he is. Bless his heart.

            Anyway, Marlin Criddle was over for the wedding as well as Russell Kracke but I didn’t know any of the other guests. It was just a small affair anyway but very nice. The weather couldn’t have been any nicer as the ceremony was held outside in the backyard; only I wished I hadn’t this cold.

            I added a little to what James and Aaron had written for their vows, and I had everyone form a circle around the couple saying that we were encircling James and Aaron with our love and support for their Union. I pronounced them married and they exchanged rings. I’ve never performed a wedding before but I felt honored to do so and also felt the Gay Spirit blessing them through me.

            Marlin Criddle during the reception told me that BYU wanted to have its nursing students have some field practice and had contracted with the Salt Lake County for the students to work in the county’s health clinics. However when the contracts were returned to the county, BYU officials had crossed out “sexual orientation” as a protected status which it is in Salt Lake County.  The county officials then sent a memo back to BYU stating that the university could discriminate against whoever they wanted to at the Y but as long as they use Salt Lake County facilities they cannot turn away anyone. This is because the county had passed a sexual orientation non discrimination ordinance drafted by David Nelson last year.

            Anyhow Marlin said he had to leave to go have dinner with Debbie Rosenberg and Carla Gourdin since Deb had asked Marlin to be her sperm donor. However he decided to meet them later as he wanted to attend Rocky O’Donovan’s lecture at the Stonewall Center on “Female Desire in Zion!  He and I went together and there was about 15 people in attendance. When I asked how Rocky used the $25 I gave him, he said the money went towards a plane ticket because it was the only way he was getting back to Moab in time for his work tomorrow. I thought he had driven up, so I feel pretty bad about what I wrote earlier.

            I’ve collected all the newspapers together that I am sending Chick Herro at Spence, Moriarity, and Schuster to help them in their lawsuit against the state. I told Marlin that he ought to write them a letter asking for a donation to the Center since in effect we are helping them win their case.

            The Pillar editors are being real nasty to Melissa Sillitoe; very condescending. When Marlin said he respects Brandon Creer I said he’s a snake. Watch out for Brandon "Uriah Heep" Creer. He’s smarmy and greedy and is so very “umble” while plotting against you. I closed up the Center and was home by 9:30 tonight but I couldn’t get to sleep because of this cold.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Les Stewart a Gay man living with AIDS was subject of an article for the SL Tribune. “Stewart says he is tired -- tired from overcoming one near-insurmountable illness and now facing a daily battle with AIDS. He turns 48 this month; reaching 50 is a goal. He was not always so motivated. At one point, Stewart told his doctor, Kristen Ries, that after his ``first, big, nasty [AIDS-related] illness,'' he wanted her to with hold medication and let him go. She told her patient to go home and think it through. ``With your luck, Les, it probably wouldn't kill you.''   Stewart took his doctor's advice and decided to be ``a brave boy.''  Stewart was born in the small town of Springville and raised in a traditional LDS home. ``I pretty much did the whole Mormon thing, a mission, temple marriage and three children.''   Today, only the children remain in his life. In his early 30s, after a divorce, Stewart decided to act on feelings that he was gay. When he initially broached the idea that he might be homosexual, he turned to therapy. ``I took all the cures including shock therapy, anything that would cure me from being gay. I thought that was the only thing that would help my life.'' After a post-divorce heterosexual relationship, he met a man who would be his companion for the next 14 years. ``I did what I thought men couldn't do, and that was fall in love with each other.''   At one point, Stewart thought homosexuality was the worst thing that could happen. ``But now, I'm so glad I'm gay. Suddenly it felt, strangely enough, wholesome and honorable. I've learned things I never would have otherwise.'' ``Les is committed to educating people about AIDS and sensitizing them to sexual orientation,'' says his friend Jane Edwards, executive director of the Salt Lake YWCA and chairwoman of the board, Utah AIDS Foundation. ``He may have a disease called   AIDS, but he does not have a disease called gay.'' ``We have a responsibility to the next generation of gays,'' Stewart says. ``The ignorance has to stop. It should not be such a burden for gay people to accept themselves. It leaves a dent in the human soul.'' As a gay man, Stewart says, prejudice knows no bounds. He has dealt with negligent medical care -- ``many in the medical profession write you off if you're HIV'' -- and graffiti on his house. He awoke one morning to find his home splashed with the words ``Faggots live here.''   ``It was pretty ugly. My companion said, `That's it, we're going to leave.' I said, `No, I'm going to stay till they carry me out of here dead. 'Little did I know that I may very well get carried out of this house dead.''  Others, in what he calls an august neighborhood, have been more kind. When he was ill, one woman wrote to compliment him on his flowers and the lights that go up each year at Christmas time. ``Les has three incredible children,'' Edwards says. ``They are all different from one another, yet each has a piece of their father's strength.''   Youngest son Zach works side-by-side with his father on the AIDS-education dais. ``People treat me differently if he's there,'' says his dad. ``He's a great kid, an all-American boy. And I think people tend to be more sympathetic than if you're just a gay guy standing up there.'' Says Zack: ``Before the coma, I didn't feel like I knew my father that well. When he came back to the living, it was my opportunity to know him a lot better. My works with AIDS [education] is to carry on a part of my dad as much as I can. . . . When we're on these panels ,people have commented on what a close relationship we have. I consider my dad my best friend.'' Stewart was diagnosed with AIDS in April 1988, after being hospitalized in North Carolina awhile attending a furniture market. Suffering severe headaches, he collapsed and was temporarily blind. Two months later, and after surgery, Stewart, minus a large piece of skull and barely conscious, was flown home. A nurse advised Stewart's companion to get him out of the North Carolina hospital, saying, ``I don't want to lose my job, but don't keep him here. . . . He won't live if he stays.''   At home in Salt Lake City, Stewart spent a month at Holy Cross Hospital, partially paralyzed on his left side. Eventually he regained single vision and some movement on his left side. But as he remembers, ``Every thing got quieter and quieter and darker and darker'' and he lapsed into a coma. It was October, and he was sent home to die.  According to Dr. Ries, Stewart had developed blood clots and what she believes was AIDS-related encephalitis. ``But there was no way to know that for sure.'' She remembers that in December his parents thought it was time to pull the feeding tube. ``I went up to the house  to see him and told them I sensed he was a little too alert to do that.''   There was little change. At one point, his family planned a funeral. Some months later, Stewart's son, Zach, hearing the song, ``Bring Him Home'' from ``Les Miserables'' at a concert, said ``Dad, that's what we were going to sing at your funeral!''  ``I told him I approved.'' Edwards, then a neighbor, remembers sitting at Stewart's bed side. ``I started knowing him as a dying man. He couldn't move, didn't talk. Then, little by little, he began to recover. I'd visit him every Sunday, it was like getting a present each week.''   In April 1989, Stewart began to come around. It was a miracle, says Dr. Ries. ``I've only had one other [AIDS] patient do that.'' Stewart becomes most angry when speaking of what he perceives as the prejudice against gay men, particularly those with HIV. ``If it had struck a group of Republican bankers, instead of gay men, how different would the progression of the disease have been?''   On the other hand, he knows of no other part of the population who could deal with AIDS better than gay men. ``We already know what it's like to lose friends, family, jobs, promotions. Dealing with loss is second nature to us.''   ``Les has his own sadness’s, his own dreams,'' says Edwards ``He would like to be in a loving partnership. He'd like to see his grandbabies. He knows that may never happen.''   Meanwhile, he surrounds himself with family and friends.  ``There's always a lot going on in his life,'' says Edwards. ``He has the kind of household that's open to any friend or neighbor and it's always a beautiful mix -- single women, gay couples, married friends. There's a sense of community-building in his home.''   Daughter Sara also comments on the ambiance of her father's home. ``He's sociable. A great story teller, a great conversationalist. He's fun to talk to and has always gotten along with my friends.'' `I like to be with people who think differently than I do. Affection is not something I will turn away,'' says Stewart. When he speaks of his illness, it is not in the living-with-AIDS scenario. ``When people tell me that I want to say `Go see another Hayley Mills movie and shut up.'  I refuse to sentimentalize to that extent. Let's get real here. This disease is a killer.'' At the same time, he says, ``I don't go around white knuckling or gritting my teeth. I've learned the whole thing is pretty tenuous. My friends say ``You're too stubborn to die.' I would like to think it works like that.'' (SLTribune 10/03/93  Page: C1) 

4 October 1993 Monday

I felt like shit all day. I didn’t get nearly enough sleep but the kids were pretty mellow today thank Gawd! Although I did get a new student today so I am back up to 33 students. I couldn’t wait to get home.

            Garth Chamberlain called and said that Melissa Sillitoe asked if I would speak at a conference in January on creating new by-laws for the Center. I said I would if I am alive by then. Later Benjamin Anderson called and said this Japanese hairdresser named Kenji from the Gay Volleyball group is interested in me. I’m usually not into Asians as I like guys with hairy chests and long legs but what the heck.  I need to meet new people.

            In the news a civil war may be breaking out in Russia as the hard line Communists refuse to surrender to Boris Yeltsin. 

5 October 1993 Tuesday

It was a very warm day about 87 degrees. I am still feeling lousy but am getting better. The cold has gone down into my chest. I am tired and just wanted to go to bed after work but it didn’t work out that way. Mom called about 8 this evening and woke me up  but I missed answering the phone before the machine kicked on. So I called her back and we talked for another hour and a half. I think she was lonesome and just wanted to visit. My sister Charline is coming to Arizona on the 16^th for a visit. My nephew James screwed up again and violated his parole so he’s going to have go back to jail for doing drugs. He’s self destructive and there should be clinics not jail for these people. My uncle and aunt Milton and Marie are still in California at City of Hope, a cancer clinic there. They say he only has cancer behind his kidney now.

            Anyway after getting off the phone with mom, John Reeves called, then Chuck Whyte, and then James Kelly came over at 11 tonight to pick up some receipts. So it was a busy night. 

6 October 1993 Wednesday

The weather has really changed from yesterday. It rained and it is supposed to rain for the rest of the week. The kids are mellowing out and I’m getting them in shape to follow my classroom expectations. Perhaps they are finally settling down after running wild all summer. Robert Hansen has mellowed out dramatically and Marlow Mangum has somewhat. I don’t think anyone had cared enough to make these boys behave so they can learn something. Anyway after school let out, I had an In-service class about On Site Decision Making but I left at 4:45 to catch my Centerville Bus before the class was quite over; but I knew it was winding down.

            At home I watched some of the news. Boris Yeltsin was able to put down a rebellion by the Communist hardliners. Twelve American soldiers were killed in Somalia  with their bodies being dragged through the streets. Americans have had enough and want out but macho posturing politicians are worried about just cutting and running; but how many more Americans have to die for politicians to claim they have balls? Just get out. The Somalians don’t want our help and would rather starve. Talk about biting the hand that feeds them.

            I spent the rest of the evening typing up my notes on homosexuality among Native American cultures. Then James Kelly and Aaron Smith came over at 9:30 at night to ask if Aaron could use my apartment as a place of address for his probation officer although he’s living with James over at Kevin Clark and Danny Brujillo’s place. I said sure. They didn’t leave until 10 and I went to bed. But I wasn’t able to fall asleep right away so it was another night without much sleep. Oh Well. My cold however is breaking up in my chest even if my house is a wreck. 

7 October 1993 Thursday

It was a miserable start to the day. It was pouring down buckets of rain at 6:50 this morning when I had to go catch my bus. I stood with an umbrella in the rain until 7:10 and still no bus came up 9^th East. So I walked up to 400 South while it was still raining hard to catch the bus there. However I missed my connection and I didn’t get to Orchard until 8:10. I was late to faculty meeting and was generally miserable all day feeling damp and cold. Never did feel completely dry. It rained for much of the day so it was an indoor recess all day so never had a break away from the kids.

            I stayed home this evening but Benjamin Anderson called and said no volunteer has shown up to relieve him at the Center so he’s pulling a double shift to be conscientious.  Anyway I forgot about my meeting with this woman named Sandy who is a Social Worker for the Youth Drop in group. I told her I was very sorry and I’d be there tomorrow to train her. Then Dean Handsaker called and said I was supposed to have trained him tonight also. I apologized again explain I was sick and did not feel well enough to ride my bike through the cold drizzle. So I told him where everything was in the library over the phone and that appeased him.

            I then watched The Simpsons for the first time in months. I had to laugh when Grandpa Simpson turned Gay. Anyway I went to bed by 9 tonight finally to get some sleep and glad that this day was over.  

8 October 1993 Friday

It didn’t rain today but it was cold about 55 degrees compared to the 85 degrees we had just a couple of days ago, I was on the rag again with the kids as I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t enjoy them as much as I’d like to have because of the hyper few boys and  they are about a fourth of my class and take up 75 percent of my time keeping them under control.

            I came home and ate some pinto beans and cornbread before riding my bike to the Stonewall Center at 5:30 this afternoon. I was there to meet the man fixing the copy machine. I was shown how to put in the paper cylinders drums. Anyway a woman from the Bisexual Group donated some books and reading material to the library on bisexuality. It’s the latest trend. We aren’t Gay and Lesbian anymore. We are Gays and Lesbians and Bisexuals. GLB. It sounds like a sandwich ha! 

            I was visiting with cute Chris Sorenson and found out that we are neighbors. He lives in those brick apartments just east of me on 6^th South. Chris Condit is coordinating with the WinterFest people who are bringing the Gay Ski Weekend to Utah in January up in Park City.

            Anyway at the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah tonight, Chris Brown resigned from the Anti Violence Project because Carrie Gaylor and Jared Brown went behind his back to complain to Shane Jones, our police liaison officer, over an article that Chris had written. They were basically stabbing Chris in the back. Jared is a weasel, always was from his Queer Nation days and appears like he always will be.  Doesn’t the word loyalty mean anything to these Utah people? Without Chris Brown’s influence, Jared would have remained a zero in this community outside of Queer Nation. Jared is Carrie’s roommate so they just conspired behind Chris’ back. Chris also told me that the Pillar is heavily in debt and not making any money. Brandon Creer had a screaming fit at one of their business meetings recently yelling at Bobbie Smith, Todd Dayley, and David Ball. The knives are coming out.

            Speaking of the Pillar, Marlin Criddle lambasted Todd for his patronizing attitude towards Melissa Sillitoe. He certainly was her knight in shining armor. Actually the GLCCU gave Melissa a round of applause in support of her efforts at the Stonewall Center while Todd just scowled in the background.  I notice that none of the Pillar staff were sitting with Brandon Creer. Kim  Russo, their new co-editor wasn’t sitting with either of the male colleagues. I guess they hired her because none of the rest of them can write.

            Both Dale Sorenson and I insisted that the June and July minutes be restored  and I also complained that the minutes were not being mailed out to members either. That was a dig at Dave Ball and Cary Ferrin. The AIDS Quilt will be here on the 14^th sponsored by the Horizon House and Robert Austin is leaving for Michigan where his lover Bradley is there already. That ends another era.

            I also announced that if there is support for Beyond Stonewall, I would do another retreat again; but I am not holding my breath. One of the strangest item to come out of GLCCU tonight was the talk about a man who was kidnapped and raped last August. He was at the meeting tonight along with Shane Jones and Shane’s police captain which was a first. This man whose name was Bart said it was some members of the Gay community who raped him and may have had some connection with the leather community but not necessarily with the Wasatch Leather Men Club. I suppose some sickoes living out some porno fantasy who are into Sadomasochism.  I really mistrust leather and S & M fantasies. I always have and always will. Anyhow I spoke with this fellow named  Bart afterwards and told him how courageous I thought he was, and he was cute too.

            I heard from David Nelson that he is in contact with the Spence, Moriarity, an Schuster lawyers also, and said that he and Michael Aaron had little to offer as they had  donated most of their Gay collection of newspapers to the Marriott Library. Family members of a lady who died of AIDS from a blood transfusion is represented by this law firm because they are suing a Utah Blood Bank for not doing enough to prevent Gays from donating blood. The hospital claims that there was no Gay community to contact back then. The material I sent shows that they are full of shit and they just didn’t want to acknowledge that a Gay community existed back then.

            Eric Robinson talked to me a little about becoming a roommate.  That could be fun to have young people around me again. I didn’t leave the Center until after 10:30 tonight. 

I need to get me a car. God please provide me a car! It’s so cold out riding my bike and I am not getting any younger.  

9 October 1993 Saturday

I worked on getting material ready for my Gay History 101 Class. I also needed to clean this apartment. I am starting to feel better but this cold has settled in my chest causing me to cough a lot and that wears my energy down.

            I went to the Post Office Box at noon and I had a CD called the Best of Gershwin and also a lot of magazines there. Then I rode on down to KRCL because I wanted to see Jimmy Hamamoto. Their Radio-Thon was still going on so I gave a $40 donation towards Concerning Gays and Lesbians. We visited a little between sets and I picked out a nifty KRCL coffee mug that I received because of my donation.

            From KRCL I rode over to the Center and I visited with Scott Duncan who was the volunteer on duty. I made some copies of the syllabus for my history class and stayed for Video Night because they were playing “Boys in the Band”.  Thor from the old Affirmation days is the one running Video Nights now. I always thought he was rather handsome. The movie was fun to watch as we all were cracking up over the banter between “Harold” and “Michael” and the rest of the motley neurotic characters from the Pre-Stonewall Times.

            I had a ride home from Thor and found out that he’s a school teacher also and had just moved back to Salt Lake City from Richfield. I went to bed by 11 at night after doing up the dishes.  

10 October 1993-Sunday

While riding home from the Center, where we had our Quarterly Volunteer Meeting, I saw Billy Bikowski on the corner of 7^th South with some Mormon Church people. He saw me first and called out to me “Well hi there.” Hearing that familiar beloved voice, my heart soared and then sunk and I just rode on by for a couple of yards before my heart made me return to him.

            I rode back to acknowledge his greeting and damn he looked mighty fine after all these years. His eyes were so large and blue and they were sucking me into them. He looked like he was out either home teaching or visiting with people from his Ward. They were an odd assortment of LDS single misfits who are called “Special Interest” because they have never married and the church doesn’t know what to do with them. They were a horde of homely girls and socially stunted guys.  They were all over 25 years old so are considered misfits for not being married and having kids.

            Billy introduced me to his new world. I just wanted to hold him again but knew I couldn’t. I wanted to pierce his soul and break through all this LDS bullshit and say “Come run away with me”; but we just made small talk. He’s riding the Mormon train again heading in a direction I have no desire to go. I probably didn’t spend more than 10 minutes with him but time is suspended when I am with him. He said he was well and he asked if I was well. I said I was happy.

            Matt Uhl and Scott Wolfer of all people came over to the apartment at 8 this evening while I was cleaning the place and doing my laundry. We sat and visited until 9:30 at night.  We are going to go see the movie "Gettysburg" this weekend and they are going to see Liza Minnelli this Wednesday. I said I’m going on Thursday.

            Anyway Matt Uhl, whose mother is a school teacher in Davis District the same as me, said that Carrie Gaylor does not follow through on her commitments and he’s not exactly fond of her. I said I am rather disappointed also in her leadership of the Gay and Lesbian Community Council.

            There was a message from Mrs. Cunningham on my answering machine today.  She is John’s mother  who remembered as John's "friend" from when we were in high school and college together. She said that she would send me some information  so I could do some research on her Hamilton family in the Mormon Genealogical  library. 

            When I went to sleep I wept over lost loves and the intense longing I still have for both Billy and John. Those feelings lie always just below the surface, and had welled up again today. Love’s labor lost.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         E3 STEWART FALCONER, FOUNDER OF THEATRE138, DIES Stewart Falconer, the tall, gracious Southern gentleman who moved to Utah in 1962 from Richmond, Va., died of cancer Oct. 1 at Salt Lake City's Holy Cross Hospital. He was 69. The illness was diagnosed only a few days earlier, said Ariel Ballif, his close friend and business partner for more than 30 years. An avid outdoorsman, Falconer had been fishing recently with former University of Utah theater professor H.E.D. Redford. The trip was a success, Ballif said. ``They finally caught some trout and we celebrated.''   It was not his love of nature, however, that put Falconer in the Salt Lake spotlight for nearly three decades. He, Ballif and Tom Carlin were the founders of, and inspiration for, Theatre 138, from the day it opened in 1966 until the doors closed in 1987. They presented nearly 300 productions, including 60 premieres of new plays. The small theater on 200 East in downtown Salt Lake City became an institution. Falconer was technical and production manager at 138, the master carpenter of the trio, the one who could build or fix anything, be it the barber chair for ``Sweeney Todd'' or the neon lights in ``Chicago.''   He was also an actor, appearing in numerous dramatic roles at 138, including ``Equus,'' ``84 Charing Cross Road,'' ``Mrs. Warren's Profession'' and the musicals ``The Fantasticks'' and ``The New Moon,'' to mention only a few.   The standard joke around the theater was that someday Falconer would be able to be in a play and not have to run between acts to check the wiring.   After the closing of the downtown theater,138 moved south to the Center Stage Theatre on Highland Drive, Falconer taking his saw, hammer and grease paint with him. In recent years, Falconer appeared in The Broadway Stage productions of ``The Boys Next Door'' and ``Professor Bernhardi.''   Actor Margaret Crowell, who appeared innumerous plays with Falconer, said what she remembers most vividly about her friend was ``his complete grace. No matter who or what you were, Stu made you comfortable.''   In reminiscing about the old days, ``when we were all much younger and could stay up late,'' Crowell said the cast would be invited to after-the-show parties at the owners' home.   ``Stu would tell wonderful stories, putting everyone at ease. Onstage, he was the same way. He took small roles, but time and time again, he stole the show. Stu was in the youth of old age. He left us too quickly. We will miss him deeply.''   Ballif said Falconer requested no funeral. His ashes were returned to the Utah mountains. Plans for a remembrance celebration are pending. 

11 October 1993 Monday Coming Out Day

It rained off and on all day but fortunately not while I was out in the weather. I woke out of a deep sleep  this morning and have been tired all day. I’m just grateful that my cold is winding down. At home my bike tire was still okay. Yesterday it had gone flat while I was at the Stonewall Center. I was afraid it would go flat tonight and I wouldn’t have a way down to the Center. I had bought a new tube and tire liner but didn’t have time yet to put it one since I needed to be at the Center at 5:30 this afternoon to train Sandy the Social Worker.  I forgot to mention that yesterday at the volunteer training meeting, we adopted the library by-laws and I’m stepping down as director in January to let Russell Kracke become the new director.

            Anyway at the Center, Sandy never showed up. Benjamin Anderson didn’t do his volunteer shift because he went to the doctors. He had an infection in his testicles.  Bill Sims who I had a crush on back in 1986 came into the Center. He has AIDS but is promoting the benefits of this AIDS treatment machine that somehow he says oxygenates the blood to help fight the virus. I don’t understand it at all but he says it works and he feels better because of it.

            Anyhow I met Randy Nyland finally tonight. He’s the Monday Night Library volunteer. He’s also “H. Toad” on the BBS board. I was really attracted to him as he’s a tall Celtic red head. Anyway it began to rain tonight but not until the “Coming Out” Rally was over. It was held at the Utah One Plaza, and Val Mansfield was the driving force behind putting it together. About fifty people came to the Center afterwards for a reception.

            The Gay History Class began at 7:30 this evening and I was worried whether anyone would show. I thought if I didn’t get at least 5 people attending I wouldn’t commit any more energy into these  classes but actually we had about ten. They were Russell Kracke, Kirk Robinson, Peter Small, Mark Swanson, Mark Angus, John Crapo, who is back in town, James Connelley, his friend Mark Ewing and a couple of others. We discussed the “Berdache” among Native American cultures. I think everyone enjoyed themselves and the class was over a little after 9. The time went really fast. James Connelley gave me a ride home since it was raining. I didn’t get home and in bed until 10 at night. Well I think my class went well, and I hope people will find that it’s worthwhile.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         - 10/11/93  Page: D1 Grandson of President Asks to Be Removed From LDS Church Rolls LDS APOSTLE DENIES ORDERING DISSIDENT'S EXCOMMUNICATION  Mormon Apostle Boyd K. Packer has acknowledged meeting with dissident Paul Toscano's local church leader before Toscano was excommunicated. Toscano was one of six dissidents disciplined in September for writing and speaking publicly about church doctrine, feminism, the state of the faith's leadership and other issues.

Elder Packer, considered by many to be the power behind the church's recent crackdown on dissidents, told The Arizona Republic that he met with fellow church leader Loren Dunn and Toscano's stake president, Kerry Heinz, to discuss Toscano. However, Elder Packer said, the conversation focused on doctrine and philosophy.  ``I did not instruct him to hold a disciplinary Council and absolutely did not direct a verdict. That is against church policy.

When he [Heinz] left, I did not know what he would do,'' Elder Packer was quoted Sunday in the Phoenix newspaper. Toscano, however, said Heinz told him later that while the decision was Heinz's, the stake president was left with the ``fair implication'' that Elder Packer wanted Toscano excommunicated. ``I knew all along that Boyd Packer was behind it,'' Toscano said Sunday. ``He's behind all this.''   

 In an interview with The Republic, Elder Dallin H. Oaks, also of the Council of the Twelve Apostles, said such a meeting could be improper if Elder Packer told Heinz what to do.  ``Elder Packer does not have the authority to make church policy,'' said Elder Oaks, a former Utah Supreme Court justice.

 Elder Oaks said that if Elder Packer had any conversations with the disciplinary Council, ``it is outside the normal channels and . . . if he gave a directed verdict [against Toscano], that is contrary to policy and irregular, and it is contrary to what I know about Elder Packer and the way he operates.'' 

Elder Packer, 69, declared in May that dangers in retaining church members' loyalty ``come from the gay-lesbian movement, the feminist movement and the ever-present challenge from the so-called scholars or intellectuals.''

Toscano said he was excommunicated on Sept. 19 for criticizing church leaders and acting contrary to the rule and order of the church. The action came after he delivered a paper at the Sunstone Symposium, an independent forum for Mormon thought that is shunned by church leaders.

Toscano told The Associated Press on Sunday he had spoken about another church official who earlier had described ``proper priesthood protocol'' as, among other things, rising when an ecclesiastical superior enters a room. Toscano said he also criticized Elder Packer for his statements on gays, feminists and intellectuals.  `

`The high Council tried me on that one speech,'' he said. ``They were upset because I criticized leaders by name. Not them personally, but their ideas.''     Toscano also said a ``circuitous linkage'' of church officials led to Heinz's call to Packer.  He said he had been told by his bishop that Elder Packer or Elder Dunn, or both, had contacted F. Melvin Hammond, a member of the Second Quorum of the Seventy and a counselor in the Mexico South Area mission, about Heinz, an old friend. 

Toscano said Heinz confirmed that the conversation Centered on his wife, Margaret Toscano, a feminist, and Hammond was asked why Heinz ``can't control this woman.'' ``So Mel [Hammond] calls Kerry [Heinz] and says, `What's going on?' '' Toscano said. ``You have no idea how that will affect a stake president.''

·         When Richard Walsh told his mother he was gay, she started laughing. A half-hour later, after convincing her he was not joking, she began crying. ``It was devastating,'' the 21-year-old Salt Lake Community College student said Monday. ``The reason I was in the closet was I was afraid it was going to hurt the people I care about the most.'' Clad in a black cowboy hat, jeans, black boots and striped blue shirt, Mr. Walsh huddled with several of his gay and lesbian friends Monday at school, marking the sixth annual National Coming Out Day.  

Other students proudly sported gay theme T-shirts and buttons. Christopher Riese, co-president of the Gay and Lesbian Student Association on campus, said publicly disclosing one's sexual preference helps bring an end to hate, intolerance and discrimination.

The National Coming Out Day began in 1987, on the heels of the first gay and lesbian march on Washington. The campus group initially began in 1991 as a weekly social organization to help people in transition, such as Mr. Walsh. His stepfather noticed that his son never dated girls in high school, and was not surprised by the revelation. But his mother was shocked, and refused to speak to him for several months.

Mr. Walsh said the campus group has helped him overcome negative feelings about himself. ``The biggest misconception is that we are trying to convert the world and children,'' he said. ``That's false. We are just trying to be who we are. I don't expect people to understand my lifestyle but I want them to at least respect me.''

Mr. Riese, 32, moved to Salt Lake City from San Francisco, Calif., where he was a gay activist. Wearing pink triangles on his hat and shirt, Mr. Riese argues that coming out is a growing experience and a political statement. Utah has a burgeoning gay community with student groups at Utah State University, the University of Utah and a fledging group at Southern Utah University.

There also are numerous political, religious and support groups for gays, and even a Utah Gay Rodeo Association. Salt Lake City has five gay bars, and in January, Park City will celebrate Gay Ski Week.

The Lesbian and Gay Student Union at the U. has declared this week Gay and Lesbian Awareness Week, which includes today's debate on gays in the military at noon, Wednesday's debate between Morton Downey Jr. and David Pallone, a former National League umpire who came out of the closet, and Thursday's discussion on gay and lesbian rights led by Kathryn Kendell, legal counsel for the American Civil Liberties Union of Utah.

Joyce Eden, who operates a lesbian and gay theme gift shop, said coming out of the closet was the most important decision in her life. Hers came on the heels of an 11-year marriage which ended in divorce. ``I was never a happy person,'' she said. ``I was a very morose person almost all of my life until I came out. My whole attitude about my life changed.''( SLTRBUNE 10/12/93 Page: B3) 

12 October 1993 Tuesday

Another rainy day but thankfully I didn’t get rained on while waiting for my buses to and from work. I blew up at just 2 students today. Not bad! Ha! These are the most selfish, self centered group of 5^th graders I have ever come across. I get some of the toughest kids because I am the “male” teacher. They do what they want until I get after them. I did my "formative evaluation" with Wayne Stanger. I said as my goal this year I’d work on learning and implementing the new Science Core.

            Anyway I stayed home this evening and printed a flyer for Bob Waldrop’s Presentation in November for the Utah Stonewall Center. I also called John’s mother Ruth Cunningham. She gave me more information on her Hamilton side of John’s family. May be this Friday I will be able to do more research for her in the Mormon Genealogical  Library. I feel close again to John Cunningham when I am looking up his ancestry.  I also finished printing off the Johnson Family history so I can send it to Mom’s cousin in California and to my cousin John Johnson back in Fieldton, Texas. Other than that it was a quiet night.

            Val Mansfield called to get a phone number for Kevin Warren and he said about 150 people attended the National “Coming Out” Rally that I wasn't able to make it to.  Dr. Patty Reagan spoke at the rally. Then another individual called wanting information about the Sacred Faeries so I gave him Jimmy Hamamoto’s phone number.

Bobbie Smith left a message on my machine wanting his gun back. It doesn’t work but he said he needed to register it with the police department. I kept it from him when I lived at the LaFrance to keep him from killing himself when he is in one of his dark moods. I don’t care anymore. It would be a tragedy if he did but the world is full of tragedy. I will ask that he also return my VCR player. 

13 October 1993- Wednesday-

I made plans today to take off Friday. Mrs. Astill, Bryce’s mom said she would substitute for me. It is still raining off and on. I went down to the Stonewall Center after work to check out John Boswell’s “Christianity, Homosexuality, and Social Intolerance” and Burg’s “Pirates and the Sodomy Tradition” from the library. While there I looked at the schedule and saw that no one had signed up. Oh well. I talked to Chase Roundy and Scott Wolfer mostly while I was down there. Chase gave me a ride home but then realized I had  left my bike’s lock and chain in his car. Oh Well.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         ASUU Gay and Lesbian Debate, Morton Downey Jr. vs. Dave Pollone, a former National League umpire who came out of the closet,  Union Ball room

·         ADEC Sack Lunch Seminar, ‘How HIV/AIDS Impacts Your Life,''  Utah AIDS Foundation, Union Theater, noon.  

·         A Service of Remembrance and Hope was at St. Paul's Episcopal Church and followed by a candle light vigil at the Salt Lake Art Center. (10/03/93  Page: SLTribune) 

14 October 1993-Thursday

What a way to end a moon cycle. I saw Liza Minnelli at Abravenel Hall tonight. I spent most of my time at school getting prepared for my substitute for tomorrow. I had to stay late because Stanger had all us teachers stay after school to finish up some faculty business. What a waste of time.

I didn’t get home until 5:15 this evening. I jumped into the shower and dressed up for the concert. Kenji came over at 6 this evening to pick me up and then we went to get Benjamin Anderson but who said he wasn’t feeling well, He had been up to the V.A. earlier for an infection within his nuts and he was still hurting so we ended up going with just Kenji, Bob McIntier, and me.

We first went to the Marriott Hotel across the street from Symphony Hall to eat some dinner when I ran across Marlin Criddle and his lover David Turner there. They were at some all day Conference on Aging. I suggested to Kenji that Marlin or David might use the fourth ticket rather than let it go to waste. Marlin wanted David to go because he wasn’t all that excited about seeing Liza Minnelli. It turned out to be a nice payback for David Turner as he had been working hard all day on the AIDS Quilt which was being displayed at the Salt Palace and doing the Conference on Aging so he needed some escape time. And he loves Liza

            Anyway I noticed that Kenji had paid $45 for each of our tickets. Yikes! I just wasn’t going to let him spend a fortune of Bob and me for dinner since he insisted on treating us, so I suggested that we go to J.B’s on South Temple instead. We went there and had a nice meal for a third of what Kenji would have had to pay at the Marriott.

            While we were eating dinner, Bob McIntier said that Kim Russo had threatened to quit the Pillar if it ran anymore anti-Stonewall Center or anti- Melissa Sillitoe stories. I am sure that Bobbie Smith are initiating them. He also said that Brandon Creer was mad at the rest of the gang again. I informed Bob that Brandon has no authority to tell the others what to do as the Pillar is a General partnership. I guess Brandon has gotten everyone in the community buffaloed that he’s the head honcho at the newspaper.

            Anyway, the performance began at 8 this evening with some comedian being her opening act. I actually had never heard of him but he works out of the Las Vegas circuit. Joe Redburn and his entourage sat right behind us and we were in the Center about 19 rows in from the stage. Well what can I say about Liza Minnelli? She was absolutely a vibrant dynamo. I loved her performance of “Some People” from Gypsy, and Roy Orbison’s “Crying”. She finished the night off with a medley of Cabaret numbers. What a wonderful magical night.

Anyhow, after the concert, I could tell that Kenji wanted to put the moves of Bob McIntier which was fine by me. I was more than willing to put out because of how sweet Kenji is but if he’s more attracted to Bob, so be it. I thought we were going to make a night of it but I guess not as that I was home by 10:30. I heard that Kate Kendall of the American Civil Liberties Union was a keynote speaker at the LGSU’s Gay Conference Week at the university of Utah.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         The Utah Quilt is on display at the State Capitol. The Utah Quilt was formed in 1992 as an AIDS-awareness program of the Horizon House Project. A number of panels of the Utah Quilt --those not designated to remain in the state for educational purposes – were included in the NAMES Project display at the Salt Palace and then became part of the international quilt. AIDS  (10/03/93  Page: SLTribune)

·         In conjunction with October AIDS Awareness Month, The NAMES Project  AIDS Memorial Quilt was on display at the Salt Palace The display featured more  than 700 panels, each commemorating the life of someone who had died of AIDS. These panels were a portion of the 23,000 panels that make up the entire AIDS Memorial Quilt.  Presented by the Utah AIDS  Foundation, in conjunction with the National Hospice Foundation. Dean Jack Schachter loved his '78 Toyota Celica, kosher pastrami, skiing Snowbird and boating on Lake Powell. But, according to his partner, the stage hand partied hard and died young -- one of 453 Utahns killed by AIDS. At his memorial service, nearly 100 friends signed a 6-foot-by-3-foot piece of white cloth decorated with his name, the date of his birth and the day he died 29 years later. ``Dean had so many friends, people he had touched, that it seemed appropriate to me to memorialize him in that way,'' says Robert Chase, his friend, lover and nurse. Four years later, Mr. Schachter's panel will join 22,400 others made by friends, relatives and lovers of people who have died of AIDS. One section of The NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt -- more than 800 panels primarily from the Intermountain West --is on display at the Salt Palace in Salt Lake City. Since its first showing in 1987, the national quilt has grown to 13 acres and 29 tons. Some names are famous: Arthur Ashe, Rock Hudson, Perry Ellis and Connecticut Rep. Stewart McKinney. But most are known only to the friends and relatives who miss them. Each panel is as different as the person it memorializes. Many depict the deceased's hobbies or passions -- Scrabble, musical instruments or Utah's red rock. Designers attached cutoffs, police badges, sequins, photographs, feather boas, photographs, Beethoven sheet music and, on one particularly vivid panel, a plastic pink flamingo. Most are highly personal.  One Utah panel remembers that Barry R. Fairbanks loved racquet ball and hated pickles. It is decorated with a teddy bear, hand and footprints and a note from one of his children: ``I love you Dad.'' Others make political statements, some powerful in their simplicity: ``For the Latter Day Saints who died alone and in anonymity.'' Unlike angry protests and pickets, most people are receptive to a quilt-- even one that chronicles death with coffin-sized panels. `The show has changed Mindy Menlove. The University of Utah student has never known anyone with AIDS and assumed it was primarily a homosexual disease. Then she saw the pictures of women and children. `I didn't really think it could affect my life,' 'says Ms. Menlove . ``It can happen to anyone.''   And it does. Larry Lamper was helping set up the show when he saw a familiar face: Kent Burnett, a former co-worker at US WEST.``I could not believe it,'' said Mr. Lamper, staring sadly at the colorful letters. ``He was too nice -- too young.'' (10/15/93  Page: C1)

15 October 1993 Friday

Well today begins a new moon cycle that the Faeries use to call “the Honey Moon”. I would like to start the Samhain New Year off with a Honey Moon. It’s a time of year for reflection, new beginnings, and the time of transcendence as things cool down, we snuggle in, and rest up for a long winter.

            I spent my entire day off from school typing up notes for my history class this coming Monday. I never left the apartment even. It rained in the morning and it seemed like a perfect autumn day to stay indoors. I found all my old notes on homosexuality in the European Tradition that I thought I had lost in all my moves.

            Benjamin Anderson called and said he was feeling better after taking some antibiotics. He had an infection in his testicles. It’s probably some type of venereal disease but the VA gave him all these antibiotics so he is feeling better. He said his doctor gave him a lecture about the dangers of having anal sex. Benjamin likes to be a power top and fuck with Ben Gay as a lube. Can you imagine? I used to love being penetrated using Crisco! ha! I guess that's the cook in me. Then Crisco was more in my bedroom than in my kitchen. 

            I called John Reeves back in Boston this evening to visit. We talked about the Steve Benson and Dallin Oak controversy some. I think it’s hilarious. Benson is Ezra Taft Benson’s grandson and he’s bitching that the general authorities are propping his grandfather up like he’s still mentally alert when he’s not much more than a vegetable. I hope Ezra Taft Benson lives another 10 years to really screw up the Mormon hierarchy. 

16 October 1993 Saturday

I needed to get out of the Apartment but before I did, I switched beds around. I put the twin size bed in the spare room and put the Queen size on back in my room. James Kelley and Aaron Smith were supposed to come over today but never did,

            Anyway I went to the Crossroad Mall to the theaters on the lower level and saw “The Beverley Hillbillies”, which was better than I thought it would be. All the characters were cast perfect although I think Cloris Leachman as Granny was under used. My favorite character was Jethro especially as his twin sister Jethrine Bodine. He made the film for me.

            So while feeling upbeat I finally made my way over to the AIDS Quilt exhibit at the Salt Palace. I wish I wouldn’t have and I never will again. My gut instincts told me it would be a funeral but out of community obligation I went.  When I went inside and immediately saw David Sharpton’s panel hanging on the wall. It was like a kick in the stomach. I suddenly felt too overcome with grief. I saw Todd Bennett there at the exhibit and I began to really sob. I couldn’t help it. I was also mad and angry at the same time. I told Todd I thought they ought to take the whole quilt and burn it. Why does it have to be constantly trotted out to remind us of our losses? I don’t need a panel to remember my losses. They are scars upon my heart. I had to leave. I didn’t stay but 10 minutes. I just wanted to cry and be alone for a while with the memories of the people I have loved and lost.  

I saw some Utah AIDS Foundations volunteers joking while passing the time like they were bored. I thought they didn’t know these people. It’s just a piece of cloth with some names on it to them not flesh and blood passionate Gay men. So  Gene Guditis and David Sharpton’s quilt panels are  hanging on the wall together. Oh like they are at peace with each other now?  It made me mad. It made me mad to see Donald Stewart and Dick Dotson acting like compassionate martyrs when they drove Bruce Barton out of his church last year and fought with Ben Barr.           

            I walked over to the Post Office Box then down to the Utah Stonewall Center. Lynn Gillman is so butch and she hung some doors for the library so we can close and lock it to keep track of inventory. I spent some time shelving books. I also saw Walter Curry again, this kid from South Carolina at the Center. He was not understanding my mood at all when I repeated saying I thought they should burn the Quilt. Since Thor didn’t show up for Video Night, I just went home. While coming through the parking lot of the Riviera, to my end apartment, I happened to look up and noticed Jeremy naked and undressing in his full length bedroom window.  That was fun and brightened my spirits. Life goes on.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         TEEN IS ORDERED TO STAND TRIAL IN SHOOTING DEATH IN S.L. ALLEY By Brian West, Staff Writer Tam Nguyen and Taun Ly drove only a block in the stolen car before they decided to return and see if the man they'd just shot was dead. As they pulled back into the West Salt Lake alley, the two teens could see a wounded Chet O. Harris inching his way along the ground. "He appeared to be crawling, and I believe he made a statement to them, "Get me some help' or "Help me,' " testified Salt Lake police detective Charles Oliver. Instead, Ly got out of the car and shot Harris in the head. Oliver's testimony came from a confession he received from Nguyen the day after the shooting. Nguyen said he was the one that first shot Harris the morning of Aug. 22. Friday, the 16-year-old was ordered to stand trial in 3rd District Court on a charge of capital murder. Ly, however, remains free despite testimony that he fired the fatal shot. The two teens had spent the previous evening at the 49th Street Galleria, where a friend had seen them passing a handgun between them. The friend dropped them off downtown about 1 a.m. Nguyen told the detective he met Harris near 300 S. Main and the two left in Harris' car and parked behind a nearby apartment building. "He (Nguyen) said there was some touching and stuff and it's my impression that upset him," Oliver said. "He was somewhat embarrassed about getting into what happened." Nguyen said Harris drove him back, then agreed to drive him and Ly to Nguyen's home. Once there, the two spoke to each other in Vietnamese. "(Nguyen) said that Mr. Harris had made some advances on him . . . and it upset him," Oliver explained."Mr. Ly said they ought to shoot him." Nguyen said he got out of the car, walked to the house and got a gun he had hidden there. "He stated he walked up to Mr. Harris and shot him in the chest. "Harris immediately fell to the ground. Assistant medical examiner Ed Leis said the shot likely paralyzed his lower extremities instantly. Nguyen and Ly picked up his keys and drove off in Harris' car. Oliver said there were blood drops in the alley, 320 S. Jeremy St. (840 West), consistent with someone with a chest wound crawling along the ground. After the teens returned to fire the second shot, Nguyen told Oliver they parked the vehicle several blocks away and went home. The next afternoon, Nguyen, Ly and a friend drove Harris' car to Seattle. But they only got as far as La Grande, Ore., because they struck a barrier and disabled the car. The teens hitchhiked to a restaurant, where police later found them sleeping on a picnic table. Officer Steven Rogers said he frisked the teens and found a loaded .22 automatic in Nguyen's pocket. Rogers said the vehicle had not been reported stolen, so he drove them to the bus depot and helped them obtain rides back to Utah. He said he even gave them money for candy bars because they had spent all they had on the bus ticket. Meanwhile, detectives in Salt Lake City identified Harris' body and later learned that his car had been involved in the Oregon accident. They greeted the teens as they arrived at the bus depot. Officers confiscated the suspects' shoes and later discovered that a "distinctive footprint" found on Harris' clothing matched the shoes Nguyen was wearing. The gun used to kill Harris had apparently been stolen from Clifton Williams. Williams testified that Nguyen had previously spoken to him about a black friend he had whom he believed was gay. He said Nguyen referred to the friend and wondered "what he would buy for him,' which he said meant "what he could get from him." Court documents indicate that Nguyen and Ly originally went to the downtown area that morning to make some money. Defense attorney Paul Gotay said he plans to raise the defense that his client shot Harris in self-defense. He also indicated he will fight to have Nguyen's confession suppressed because he may have spoken to detectives under duress. He said Nguyen was immediately interrogated as he got off the bus, even though he was tired and hungry after hours of traveling back and forth from Oregon. Ly, 18, was originally charged with theft of the car, but prosecutors dropped that charge last month. They have no admissible evidence to connect Ly to the shooting other than Nguyen's statements. Because of a complex legal issue, however, prosecutors can't use that testimony against Ly. Because of his constitutional right to remain silent, Nguyen cannot be forced to testify in a trial. Oliver cannot testify against Ly about Nguyen's statements either, because Ly would have the right to cross-examine any witness against him and Nguyen has no obligation to testify. In similar cases, prosecutors have offered plea bargains to defendants on the condition that they agree to testify against others. In such circumstances, the testimony would be allowed.  

17 October 1993- Sunday 

I feel so much more rested having taken the time off.  My cold is better and I feel less stressed out. It’s still raining a lot and since my bike doesn’t have a lock right now, I’ve  not been out riding or even grocery shopping. The pantry is getting bare. In the afternoon Scott Wolfer and I went to the Crossroads Mall to see the movie "Gettysburg". It started at 1:30 in the afternoon and we were out by 6 this evening. It was a pretty intense movie and felt like you we were actually there in the battle. Martin Sheen deserves an Oscar.

            I spent the remainder of this rainy day typing on the computer my notes for tomorrow’s Gay History Class. I am thinking about getting a roommate. Both Eric Robinson and James Connelley have mentioned wanting to move from their places. Anyway I went to bed by 9:30 tonight with Gettysburg on my mind.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Rector's Forum program at St. Paul's Episcopal Church,  will feature LaDonna Moore, director of the Utah AIDS  Foundation. She will speak on ``Compassion and Aids.''  

·         Scott Shuell Wolfer, age 22, died June 16, 1994 while patiently waiting 31/2 years for a heart/lung transplant. Scott was born June 12, 1972 to Monte Duane and Linda C. Wolfer in Salt Lake City, Utah. Scott was a very intelligent and patient person. He was a certified phlebotomist and EMT. He attended Salt Lake Community College. He performed in many plays at Bountiful High School and Pages Lane Theater. He was a very gifted writer, actor and performer. His greatest dream was to be accepted by the American Academy of Performing Arts in Pasadena, California. That dream became a reality last summer after interviewing and performing a theatrical piece. He will be greatly missed by all those who shared in his life. Interment, Coalville City Cemetery.

18 October 1993 Monday

I had a restless night due to the images of Gettysburg being on my mind so much. I also had a lonesome dream about Billy Bikowski. I dreamt that I was sitting on a bus going somewhere and I was waiting for him to get on board. I even saved him an empty seat next to me but instead he climbed into a hot air balloon which crashed and killed him. I ran out and just was holding him while sobbing. It was a strange dream. I woke up feeling sad and lonesome.

            Mrs. Day at work said my kids were really off the wall last Friday for Mrs. Astill. However Mrs. Astill didn’t leave me a note about how my class acted so I am not sure how bad they were for her. I know Marlow Mangum, Robert Hansen, Matt, Devon, Hyatt and Dan were probably out of control.

            It was a gloomy wet morning but by the afternoon it had cleared right up so when I came home at 4:30 I finally went grocery shopping. I needed Cat food especially. Any ways I was working some more on my notes for my class when James Connelley called to say he was on his way to pick me up to take me down to the Center.

            At 7 this evening, The Log Cabin Club was meeting at the Center as was the Gay and Lesbian Community Councils’ Board of Trustees who occupied the Board Room. So we were put out in the back garage area. The heater for the back area is finally working now and it really does put out the heat.

            At the history lecture, 2 new people attended but we had about three less than we had last week. I think the class went well however. We made about $24 so we had about 8 people in attendance.

            I got a key from Lynn Gillman for the library now that the doors are up and it can be locked. There are six keys out, Lynn’s, Melissa Sillitoes’, Garth Chamberlain’s, Russell Kracke’s, one for the volunteer desk, and mine,

            I was home by 9:30 tonight and James and I talked about becoming roommates. He looked the apartment over and was excited to become roommates. I’ll charge him only $200 a month. That’s fair, since it will include as the utilities and I will have everything in my name so he doesn’t have to put down any deposits. Anyway he will move in the 1st of November officially, although I said he could start moving in right away.

            I’m not sure why I am getting a roommate. I don’t need the money, although it will help. I guess because I have known James for so long and I know he’s considerate. Also he is young and does need a place. He’s really cute too although I’m not really sexually attracted to him anymore. He’s more like a kid brother to me. Perhaps James will vanquish all the memories of Jeff Workman I have in this apartment. That time seems so long ago. 

19 October 1993 Tuesday

There’s not much going on at school just getting closer to Halloween time. I had the kids finish putting together their skeleton art/health projects. I had them make hanging skeletons while learning the names of some of the major bones in the skeletal system.  So they are hanging everywhere from the classroom ceilings. It’s a fun time of year. There’s 12 more school days until the end of the first term.

            The weather is actually quite nice now. It’s chilly in the morning but nice in the afternoon. The leaves have all turned yellow and orange and the crunch of leaves under foot can be heard. It’s pitch black out again in the morning. The stars are even still out when I walk to catch my 6:55 bus.

Since it’s the lunar New Year, I decided to do some major house cleaning this evening, especially since James Connelley is moving her in November. I spent most of the evening after work straightening up the apartment. I cleaned out the hall closet big time and put the towels away in it. I cleaned out the back room storage area and got rid of a lot of junk.

            I didn’t go anywhere to night except to Smiths on 8^th and 9^th. They are almost done with their remodeling that took most of the summer. It was a quiet evening and I went to bed at 8:30 this evening. I was not really tired . I just wanted to rest. I’m glad I am back on the queen size bed. It’s firmer and larger and much more comfortable. 

20 October 1993 Wednesday

 It was chilly this morning; about 37 degrees and it was pitch black outside while I was waiting to catch the bus. However the afternoon was quite pleasant at 65 degrees. The kids are outside playing a type of football called “Pass and Interception” for P.E. We had a late start this year because of all the rain we have had.  We have to finish the American Explorer reports so we can test of them this Friday. It’s so important to know who Vasco Da Gama was. ha! We will begin the colonization of the Americas next week.

I gave my AIDS health lesson to my students today. It’s a required part of the curriculum now.  The kids knew a lot of it all ready so perhaps it is sinking in or being discussed in their families at home or maybe they just hear about it on all the news. I was surprised and sad to learn from them that so many of my students actually knew people in their own families who have AIDS. Most of the students all knew of someone famous who had AIDS. This is my memorial to David Sharpton and David Reed and to the rest of my friends, that I will keep teaching about AIDS here at school even if no one else will. These Mormon teachers are afraid even to touch the subject.  I also told the kids how that the Red Ribbon Week, coming next week, that is a part of the Say No to Drugs Campaign, can also be worn to symbolize the fight against AIDS. I said that we must fight against the disease not against the people with AIDS.

            The District counselor Mrs. Green is taking eight children from my class to teach them social friendship skills. That should tell you a lot about what they are not getting at home. We have this Phantom Ghost figure that we pass from classroom to classroom with anonymous bags of candy. I gave Halloween treats to Mrs. Horton and Mrs. Tau'a 4th grade classes.

            I had Dan Unger riled up 2 weeks ago, when I said I don’t understand why we teachers have to be the purchasing agents for the School District. We are supposed to get $150 from the state to reimburse us for all the money we spend out of our own pockets that we spend on our classrooms. Yeah right, like that would cover what we spend to make up for the lack of supplies we get from the district. Davis is requiring teachers to only buy things that will belong to the school and not items we could take with us if we transfer schools. It’s just another way to get teachers to spend their time and resources for nothing. Anyway he said he’d bring it up at the Davis education Association Meeting  as he’s our school rep.

            At home tonight I finished cleaning out the room that James Connelley will be using so he can move in whenever he wants. I made a lentil loaf for dinner and read some more from “Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition”. It’s fascinating. 

21 October 1993 Thursday

School is just chugging along. Mrs. Luann Nielsen, the assistant secretary, is so funny. During lunch, I was in the office and Stanger was away when she said to Mrs. Horton that her son Jeremy has picked up the phrase “Spank My Monkey” from watching Bevis and Butthead. She was laughing and I was turning red. She then said to me “Edd do you spank your monkey?” Evidently she had no clue that spanking the monkey was a euphemism for masturbation. I asked her where was Mr. Stanger and she said “Oh probably spanking his monkey.” Ha!

            Anyway after work I rode my bike down to the Stonewall Center to work in the library, moving book cases around to be more accessible. Jon Schild had donated a huge bookcase. This cute kid named Mark was at the Center as a new volunteer. Garth Chamberlain has a new job at Gorilla Bikes so don’t know how long he will stay in his job at the Center. The library volunteer, Dean Handsaker came and put together a desk he bought for the library.  He's kind of a prude but I love to get him worked up and horny because he keeps saying he's a "bisexual".  I kept telling him when he makes up his mind, I'll give him a blow job.

 I worked until 7 this evening reshelving books until I went to Unconditional Support. The conversation at the meeting revolved around the AIDS Quilt. I think a lot of people felt like I do about the commercialization of the quilt and how it doesn’t do anymore what it was created for. I guess no one was as extreme as I was about burning it but the sentiment was kind of there. Guess who is back? Bob Manchertz, who left Salt Lake in such a huff. He said he came back with a new appreciation for Salt Lake City and of what we had accomplished here. He and Frank Lohmeyer of course are both in the Log Cabin Club so he's kind of nutty. 

22 October 1993 Friday

Today is my niece Denise Wachs Ferguson’s 22^nd birthday. I still haven’t sent Mom a check to buy Denise something for her birthday. I will this weekend. The weather is nice and the leaves look very autumn-like, with reds, oranges, and yellows. After work I went straight home but then rode my bike down to the Stonewall Center to work in the library. Mark Haslam, Rick Eden, and I worked moving the library book cases around because Mark wanted a “safe space” for people to sit and read and not be noticed. So we put the desk up in the corner and pulled out a bookcase to form an L shape nook. We moved the Xerox machine and then rearrange all the books we had taken down.

            The Quick Beam pagan group held a memorial service in the larger room for Samhain to commemorate the “Burning Times” when witches and Gay people were burned to death by the Catholic Church. It was neat having so many non-Gays using the Center. There were about 75 pagans using the large room in the back. I only saw Kevin Warren from the Sacred Faeries actually attend. Oh yes, Peanut Butter was also there. At one point the group began to howl and scream. It was pretty wild and intense. The few non Pagans at the Center looked kind of freaked out! Ha!

            I stayed at the Center until 10:30 at night finishing arranging the books back up on the shelves and straightening up the place. I must say it looks pretty good and inviting. Kelly Dinsmore gave me a ride home. There John Reeves called me tonight and asked if I’d co-edit a text book with him on the Sociology of Homosexuality. I was really honored that he would ask me. I said yes.

23 October 1993 Saturday

I went grocery shopping this morning because I had to get the basic staples. At home I straightened up the apartment and worked on my history class lecture. I also went to the post office to pick up my mail. I received some genealogy from my mom’s cousin Betty Johnson on Forest Johnson’s family. He’s my grandpa Johnson’s oldest brother. There was also something for the defunct Salt and Sage which I later gave to Jimmy Hamamoto.

            I rode down to the Stonewall Center at 10:30 this morning and some electricians were there checking the fuse box to see why we are always blowing them. I should have said because we are Gay but I didn't. I then went to KRCL where Jimmy was working on promos. He said he would do one for the Stonewall Center also. He told me that Charlene Orchard and Debra Burrington changed the name of their five minute’s segment from “Because We’re Here” to “Because We’re Queer.”  Babs de Lay won’t play the segment during her women’s music show because of the new title. I guess the other KRCL programmers are giving her shit for being on the Board of Directors of the Stonewall Center. They’re just giving her shit because they can. Some of them are not nice people but macho assholes who think because they smoke pot and listen to Raggae music that they are liberal.

            I went home and worked on my presentation of Pirate Sodomy until 6 this evening and decided to ride back down to the Center to see what’s happening with Video Night. They were showing Lily Tomlin’s “Search for Intelligent Life in the Universe”, so I just stayed out front visiting with this kid named Ben from Logan and some other drop ins until 10 at night, just sitting around, laughing and cutting up. Then I rode my bike to Radio City for a beer before going home. Nothing spectacular was going on there, just some delusionary Gay guy who thinks Joseph Smith is his grandfather and Abraham Lincoln was a Mormon. He was real loony toons. I left at 10:30 and rode on home when I was almost hit by a car by someone not looking where he was going.  

24 October 1993 Sunday

I didn’t venture out of the apartment once today. I had to get my lecture on Sodomy and the Pirate’s Tradition finished or else! I only stopped working on it to iron some clothes, fix meals, and talk on the phone.  I called Mom and Dad. Mom said Charline and Dennis are out visiting while on vacation. I guess everyone will be in Arizona for Christmas except Dona’s family of course, so I need to make airplane reservations now while it’s still cheap. My uncle Bill Fagan has terminal cancer and isn’t expected to live six months. Oh well. We all die.

            Type. Type. Type. That is all I did today. I finally finished at 10 tonight, then printed it out and went to bed. James Connelley called and said he wouldn’t be at my class tomorrow because he has a date but he’s still moving in next week.  

25 October 1993 Monday

I saw Michelle Davies riding the same bus as me this morning. She said she is moving back to the Riviera just not in with Melissa Sillitoe. She will be living downstairs from Michael Angotti. At school I paid for a flu shot today for $5. After work I came directly home to go over my lecture on the pirates, until riding down to the Center at 5:30 this afternoon. On the way my tire went flat again so I will have to replace it for sure instead of just filling it with air. I had to be at the Center to meet with Thomas Webster as that he wants to volunteer in the library again from 1:30 until 4:30 in the afternoon Mondays through Friday. That will expand our hours. Thomas is kind of drag queen snot but can work hard when he wants to do so.

            Benjamin Anderson and Chuck Whyte were both at the Center when I arrived. They were meeting each other for the first time off of the Magic Carpet BBS site. I don’t think they will be lovers but they could be friends since they are basically the same type of people; down to earth and unpretentious. Randy Nyland worked in the library again. I am really attracted to him and he’s coming over this weekend to pick up some videos to tape record. I would like to go out with him.

            I taught my Gay History 101 Class. It was a lot of work for the few who showed up, just Mark Angus, Mark Swanson, Kirk Robinson, John Booth, Benjamin Anderson, and Chuck Whyte.  But I know those who attended really got a lot out of it and I made up for last week. I only made $12 dollars tonight but I added $6 in checks from last week to give Melissa Sillitoe $18 for rent of the space, I’ve given her $48 or more so far so I’m paid up for seven more nights. Kirk gave me a ride home since my bike tire was flat. James Connelley is coming over on Wednesday to pick up a spare key so he can start moving in. 

26 October 1993 Tuesday

The lovely month of October is fast coming to a close. This has been one of the most beautiful autumns I have ever had in Utah or anywhere for that matter. I think this wet year has made the leaves stay fresh longer and not so dried out and crinklely.  I stayed home this evening to relax after yesterday’s hectic schedule. Also my bike tire is flat and I am just not up to changing the tube. It’s a back wheel tire which is a little more difficult to get to because of all the gears and sprockets.  So I just cleaned the place and lounged around before going to bed at 10 tonight. I just needed to unwind after yesterday’s class.   

27 October 1993 Wednesday

Fires are raging out of control in California fueled by the strong Santa Ana winds. Lots of homes out there have burned down. October has always been a burning time in California and one of the hottest times of the year while here in Utah we are cooling down big time. It was 32 degrees this morning but it stayed in the high 50’s all day.

            I called Linn Nilsen at Spartan Travel from work today. They said they’d hunt for the best rate over the December holiday season for me but it will be difficult to find anything real cheap. I had another In-Service class after school, this time on “Relationships”. I left at 4:45 this afternoon after an hour and a half of nonsense as I had to catch my bus. Even then I didn’t get home until 5:30.

            After fixing myself some supper I also finally fixed my bike. I also put a tube liner in between the tire and the tube so hopefully no more thorn punctures. After fixing my bike, I decided to get out of the apartment so I rode down to the Center. Matt Uhl didn’t show up for his shift at the library so I opened it up. Then I went to the Youth Group to make an announcement. I see a lot of the youth wanting to assimilate into heterosexual culture because they want to be accepted by society. I don’t want us to blend in. I want our own distinct community and culture.

Anyway I told Melissa Sillitoe I had a ticket to the Kate Clinton Concert that she could have. She deserves to go for all the shit she has to put up with and because her relationship with Michelle Davies ended this year.  Kelly Dinsmore took me home because my back tire slipped out of the gear chain because I hadn’t tight the screws tight enough I guess. I gave her $5 for gas money for all the trips home she has given me. She really is an impressive person; very substantial. The more I know her the more I like her and am impressed with her. At the Riviera, James Connelley came over to pick up keys for the apartment. It’s going to feel weird having a roommate again, but I think James will be an excellent choice. 

Last Saturday, when I went to see Jimmy Hamamoto at KRCL, he said that Bobbie Smith was going to call the police on me if I did not give back his father’s service revolver. I laughed. Jimmy reasoned him out of it saying “Ben didn’t steal it so you must have given it to him for some reason”. He’s so weird right now. I don’t want a gun in my possession and never have. He can have it when he comes for it but I am not going over to his place. I’ll drop it off at Jimmy’s place because I don’t want anything more to do with Bobbie.

There’s only five more school days until the end of the term, and 18 more school days until Thanksgiving vacation but who’s counting? Ha! We will get five days off. It’s 37 more school days until Christmas Vacation.  

28 October 1993 Thursday

It’s getting colder and colder. The leaves are falling like gentle rain. I stayed home this evening and watched the Simpson’s Halloween Special. I didn’t do much of anything else. I did type up some information on homosexuality during the Colonial Period. 

29 October 1993 Friday

The kids are all excited for Halloween this weekend although herein Utah it’s being celebrated on Saturday instead of on the 31^st like normal people do. I had the kids watch “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein” in the afternoon and some room mothers came in with some treats. There was no Halloween Parade and Stanger won’t let the kids wear costumes to school. I started taking down all the Halloween Art we had made; the bats, the skeletons, the pumpkins, and the water color ghosts pictures to send home with the kids. Anything the kids didn’t want to take home I took with me to decorate the Utah Stonewall Center.

            After work I went and had Jon Merrill give me a haircut at his Salon, and at my place I helped James Connelley move in. So I have a roommate now.  I’m charging him $50 on a weekly basis because he said that with his work, that would be easier for him.

            Spartan Travel called and said they had a round trip ticket to Phoenix for $118 for me ready. I paid $150 last year.

            I rode my bike down to the Center at 6 this evening and it was a cold night. The Lesbians were decorating and fixing up the large room for their Halloween Dance so I hung the skeletons and bats and taped up the paper pumpkins the kids had made in the front. It was all pretty festive.

            No one was in the library but me tonight so I only stayed until 8:30 then left for home. I rode north to 6^th South but then remembered I needed to go to the ATM at my bank on 8^th South. However when I arrived there my check book and wallet weren’t in my coat! They were gone! I rode back to Center to look there but they weren’t there either. So I back peddled all the way home thinking I might have left them there but they weren’t at the apartment. It was a cold, cold night to be out biking. But to cover my tracks I rode all the way back to Center to see if they had fallen out anywhere along the way. I was just sick thinking they must have fallen out of my coat anywhere. But praise Providence, out in the street near the Deerhunter and about 30 feet apart I found my check book and wallet. Nothing was taken and they laid where they had fallen. Only because it was so cold out, I think that it prevented foot traffic from finding them first. I said a grateful prayer and then rode back home. 

30 October 1993 Saturday

James Connelley spent the night so I guess he’s officially in residence. I hope his allergies towards Billy Cat don’t kick in. While shopping at Smith’s on 8^th and 9^th I came across Luci Malin who agreed to do one of my history lecture series next year.  I have Bob Waldrop and Patty Reagan scheduled for the rest of this year. She also said that she will make sure that Melissa Sillitoe is taken care of at the Kate Clinton concert tonight and make sure she gets a backstage pass.

            I went down to the Stonewall Center and worked until almost 5 this afternoon when Lynn Gillman took over the library shift. I peddled my bike home so I could meet with Chris Sorenson. I said he could wear my sheep costume for Halloween tonight if I get to dress him. So he came over to my place, the cute thing. He’s only 24 and fun to tease.

            I wanted to work on my history class tonight but just kept getting distracted by phone calls. I didn’t go out for Halloween this year. Mark Angus had invited me along with Benjamin Anderson and Paul Willardson to his party but it was too cold outside and I was too snuggy in my place. I didn’t get any trick or treaters either. I did make two apple pies in case anyone from the Riviera complex or friends came over but no one did. I didn’t mind. I went to bed at 10:30 tonight because the clocks get turned back to return to Standard Time.  

31 October 1992 Sunday Halloween

I had this guy named Shane, I met on the BBS board, come over and we had sex. Ben Anderson had told me about him. We were fucking when James Connelley came home. Oh well. Get use to it.

            James Kelly  brought some clothes over for Aaron. He’s staying here while on probation for a few days in case his probation officer checks on him. James Connelley went bowling with his boyfriend Tim and I typed on the computer for my history class tomorrow for much of the day.

            Mormons won’t let their kids go trick or treating if the day falls on a Sunday like it does this year. I refuse to hand out candy except on the actually day. Ha!

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Scott Lee Christensen, age 33, passed away October 31, 1993, in Salt Lake City.   Born June 11, 1960, in Seattle, Washington, to Duane  L. and Margaret Gee Christensen. Survived by parents; grandmother, Merle Christensen; brother, Craig; two sisters, Linda (husband Richard) Church, Jill (husband, Kevin Hardman) Christensen; two nieces, Jennifer Church and Anna Hardman; two nephews, Robert Church and Robert Hardman Preceded in death by brother, Kent. Remembered by special friends Shanna, Kelly, Ellis and Paul.   Special thanks to staff of Holy Cross Hospital for their tender care. Scott waged a courageous fight with his illness.   Funeral services will be Thursday, November 4, 1993, 11:00 a.m. at the Holbrook Funeral Chapel, 3251 South 2300 East, where friends may call for one hour prior to services. Interment: Vine Bluff Cemetery, Nephi, Utah.

NOVEMBER

 

1 November 1993 Monday

It seems so strange to be catching the bus to work in daylight. What a difference an hour can make. The kids are still hyper from all the sugar, I suppose. I came home right after work and ate a little split pea soup before riding my bike down to the Stonewall Center. James Connelley wasn’t home so I wasn’t sure if he was going to make it to my class or not. I came across Debbie Rosenberg on the way over. She said she was stressing out over finances but other than that life was good,

            At the Center, I took down the rest of the Halloween decorations and got ready for the class. I saw Randy Nyland working in the library but we didn’t get to visit much. I had to watch the phones because Benjamin Anderson wanted to leave early to go out with this new boyfriend of his called “Shorty” aka Brad.

            The Gay history class was down to only four people now, Mark Swanson, Mark Angus, Kirk Robinson, and John Booth. It was kind of disappointing, even though some Lesbians came up to me and asked if I was going to teach the class on another night also.

            Anyhow, I taught my lesson on Sodomy among the Virginia and New England Colonies in the 17^th Century. The die-hards, who always attend, love the class but I did discuss cancelling these presentations due to lack of interest but finally I decided not to cancel. John Booth and I made a date for Friday. I was joking around saying maybe someone would sleep with me to make the class worth my while and when I was leaving John asked if I wanted to go out with him and I said absolutely.

In the news Vincent Price died last week and River Phoenix died last night. He was only 23, probably from drugs, but am sorry to hear it. He was really cute. A brief shooting star, now flamed out.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Timothy Michael (Tim) Chavez, died November 1, 1993 of AIDS. He died with the same courage, determination and dignity which he lived his life.   He was born December 15, 1957, to Fred Chavez of Brigham City and Nadine Chavez of Roy. He graduated from Roy High School and spent his life in the Ogden-Roy area. He had been a member of the FFA, Captain of the Roy Rhythm Riders, a member of the Roy Rock in R, and creator and Captain of the Desperados, and Trail Blazer Riding Clubs. His life dream was to breed, train, show and race Appaloosas. He pursued that dream to the end, and produced many fine horses.   Tim loved to work and most of his life worked two or three jobs at a time. He was a Union and EEO representative at IRS, where he retired shortly before his death and leaves an extended family there whom he loves dearly.   He is survived by his parents; his grandfather, Mr. and Mrs. Elmer Whitaker; his siblings, Tony  Chavez and Kathy Henefer, Ogden; Ted  Chavez and Brenda Stone, Layton; Russ and Tina Daigle, Maine; Tom and Tracy Chavez, Florida; Tracie Chavez, Roy; and Stacy  Chavez, California; and by his special friend, Chris Trujillo.   He is also survived by his nephews and nieces, Spring, Mandy, Josh and Kaylee Chavez; by his stepmother, Laura Chavez and stepsisters, Samantha Desmarius and Mr. and Mrs. Justin (Gwen) Woodward, many aunts and uncles.   He was a member of St. Mary's Catholic Church.   Mass of Christian Burial will be held Friday at10 a.m. at St. Mary's Catholic Church, 2740Pennsylvania Ave. Friends may call at Myers Mortuary, 5865 South 1900 West in Roy, Thursday 6-8 p.m. with Rosary at 8 p.m.   Those of us who were blessed to be counted among Tim's friends will not forget him, for he cried the hardest at our sorrows, cheered the loudest for our triumphs, worked endlessly on our projects, laughed the hardiest at our jokes and foibles, and bitched the loudest at our failings. We will truly miss his booming voice and hardy laugh, his enthusiasm and support, his bitching and his love. T 11/3 T 11/3

·         The Barony of Northern Utah formed with 1^st Baron being Channel and Baroness I being Connie Lingus. The Barony was a court system social service organization that raises money for charitable causes in Northern Utah. 

2 November 1993 Tuesday

Well we are definitely into November. I had some moms in yesterday to plan the Pilgrim Fair. Today we auditioned for the Christmas play.  I stayed home this evening and paid bills. James Connelley didn’t show up until 7 this evening and then we went to Deseret Gym. He said that the allergy medicine he’s taking seems to help so I’m not sure whether he’s moving out because of Billy cat or not.

            John Booth called me at 8:30 this evening and we talked a while. He wanted to tell me his circumstances. He’s in the air force stationed at Hill Air Force and just 2 years away from retirement. He’s only been in Utah for two months but he’s married with three kids but he said his wife knows about him and is understanding. They are just living together because it’s economically easier and to raise the kids. He said he’s Gay and he knows it. Well I thanked him for his honesty and said I still would like to get to know him. He said that he’s attracted to me and I am attracted to him. That’s a good place to begin so he’s coming over this Friday at 7 in the evening to see how things develop. I didn’t do much else or hear from anyone. 

3 November 1993 Wednesday

James Connelley had a note on his truck this morning from the manager about parking too close to the trash doors. This term is about over. I had all the daily journals that I have the kids write, turned back in today. That took a lot of time to read through them but after school, I just went straight home.

Some guy named John Clark from California left a message on my answering machine. I’m not sure who he is. Strange. I did a load of wash and worked on the presentation for the Gay History Class. John Booth called me again. He was at the Layton Mall and from there it’s not long distance to call me. I wonder what will happen between us. I’m a bundle of anxieties What will be will be. The least that will happen is that we will make out and go out to dinner.  

4 November 1993 Thursday

It’s the end of the first term. Yay! We did auditions for the Christmas play for most of the morning. Everyone will be in it but we wanted to assign parts. I had my planning time in the afternoon so I got most of my report cards finished. After eating some split pea soup for supper, I rode  my bike down to the Center but stopped first at Gypsy Moon Emporium to buy some incense.  At the Center the place was locked up tighter than a drum and Lynn Gillman was outside waiting in her car. So I unlocked the place because evidently no volunteer showed up for his shift. We opened the place and I staffed the front desk while Lynn worked in the Library and mopped the floor where a bucket had over flowed that was in place to catch the leak in the bathroom.

            I looked through the first issue of "Staves", a paper for the Pagan Community. There was no queer energy in it at all.  Charlene Orchard and Debra Burrington et al wrote a full page bitch about Babs DeLay not airing their radio segment on her KRCL show. A trinity of harpies are Lisa Romano, Debra, and Charlene. I went to Unconditional Support tonight which I hadn’t in a long time. I guess Bob Stickler, the nurse, was elected Director. I’m not sure why I don’t like him much. I think because he’s  sanctimonious. I doubt if I’ll attend at all this year as much. 

5 November 1993 Friday

Today is my Uncle Milton Williams birthday. I don’t know how many more he has left. He was born in 1935. Anyhow this morning while I was on the bus nearly 35 scruffy punks had a “heterosexual pride” march about 8 this morning on State Street. I thought what a stupid time to be making a political statement. Well I support heterosexual pride. Some of my best friends are hets. I’m just another faggot for het’s rights. We all know how oppressed they are.

            The kids were not in today because of Career Ladder so I finished up my report cards and put up November theme bulletin boards. I even made a turkey poster for the Stonewall Center. I went right home from work to straighten up the place and get ready for my date tonight with John Booth. He came over promptly at 7 this evening and we went right to bed. We fucked and made out until 9 at night then we went out to dinner. I wanted to take him to Cinegrill but it was way crowded so we ended up going to Café Mediterranean. John had never eaten Near Eastern food before but he liked it.

            Afterwards we went back to my place and made out some more, this time in the living room, but we got so hot and bothered again that we went to bed again. It felt wonderful with him lying on top of me as his cock slid into my ass. It was so comfortable and he did get my motor running big time. He left to go home at two in the morning with us both wore out by our passion. I don’t think we will become lovers because of his situation but being great fuck buddies would be nice.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         2 days earlier, Santiago shot friend who intervened in dispute. HUSBAND'S DEATH ENDS DISMAL MARRIAGE By Nicole A. Bonham, Staff Writer  A painful marriage ended Thursday afternoon when police killed Roque Santiago after the man led officers on a high-speed chase, then turned his gun on his wife, shooting her twice in the chest. But the union was broken before Santiago ever pulled his gun, friends and family say. Two days earlier, the man shot 50-year-old Lucy Valdez when she intervened as he tried to kidnap his estranged wife from Valdez's North Redwood home, 1953 W. 800 North. Family members say Valdez took a bullet meant for Gloria Santiago Quinones' 14-month-old daughter from a previous marriage, Bianca. The child was in protective custody Thursday. Robert Valdez, 52, momentarily left his wife's bedside at LDS Hospital Thursday afternoon to wait in the emergency room of University Hospital for word of Quinones' condition. Valdez, who was not home at the time of the Tuesday shooting, recounted what his wife and 19-year-old son Leon had told police. "(Roque and Gloria) were arguing in the kitchen," said Valdez. "Roque grabbed the baby, he had the gun out." Lucy Valdez seized the child and Santiago pointed the gun at the baby's head. "He said, "Sorry Lucy, this is how it's got to end,' " Robert Valdez said. Lucy Valdez was shot in the chest as she pushed the child away from Santiago's reach. She was in stable condition Thursday with a bullet lodged against her spine. Quinones, 24, had been living with the Valdez family for a week as she sought refuge from the husband she had come to fear. The couple had been together for less than a year, but Santiago threatened and mistreated his wife from the beginning, say those closest to the couple. The situation peaked when Quinones left him in October after learning he tested HIV-positive, a condition he had known about several months earlier, perhaps even before they were married. "Even to the day she left him, he claimed he didn't have it," said Kathy Worthington, a close friend who helped Quinones move out of the couple's house at 850 S. Lake St. on Oct. 13 while Santiago was at work. "The doctors all thought he had told her . . . but he hadn't." Quinones initially stayed with the Worthington family in fear of retaliation from Santiago. "She was scared of him," Worthington said. "She wanted to leave him sooner." By the time Quinones fled from the couple's house, it was nearly too late. She had moved to the United States from her native town of Culiacan in the Mexican state of Sinaloa two years ago with her first husband. The man worked as a miner in Price and, when he died of a heart attack, Gloria was left pregnant with their daughter, Worthington said. She married Santiago some six months later and settled into a lifestyle of abuse. Worthington said Quinones recounted stories of how Santiago had threatened to cut her up, how he forced her to fix meals for him but then wouldn't let her eat. "He'd choke her . . . he was just really violent," Worthington said. "She would tell us about things done to her in a calm voice." Santiago initially kept his wife from leaving him by threatening to have her deported and separated from her child. Not speaking English and having few friends for support, the woman believed him and stayed until she learned he had contracted HIV. Quinones was tested twice for HIV and both proved negative, said Worthington, who initially met Quinones when she was called to act as an interpreter for the woman. Now, however, Worthington and police fear that Santiago may have again exposed his wife to HIV during the two days he held her hostage since shooting Valdez on Tuesday. "Now, she's back to square one again," Worthington said. Robert Valdez said he and his wife hold no ill will against Santiago. They considered the man a friend before the incident and were not aware of his violent nature. Santiago called the Valdez home from an unknown location while on the run from police. Valdez told him he was forgiven. "I'm sorry it happened," said Valdez, an ordained Pentecostal minister. "I don't have any anger for him. May God help him. Whatever happened to Roque only he knows . . . he lost it somewhere along the way."  

6 November 1993 Saturday

The weather was nice today still. I talked to John Reeves this morning about how his sociology class is coming along. I also spent a lot of the morning talking to James Connelley. He surprised me by saying that he had never been screwed. I told him that he ought to get a dildo on which to practice before trying the real thing.

            Anyway, Benjamin Anderson wanted to go car shopping with me so we went together.  I had to walk down to the Post Office first to get the material that John Reeves had sent including Bayer’s book of Homosexuality and the American Psychiatric Association.  As all of it was too much for me to carry around with me, we went down to the Stonewall Center, first stopping at Dairy Queen to eat some lunch.  I had the greasiest fish and chips which was sickening. It later made my stomach feel really queasy.

            Anyhow at the Center, Kelly from “credit Doctor”, although he is no longer with that company, dropped in to see me. What a doll and I fell from him immediately, however he had gotten back with his lover. C’est le Vie. But he did tell me just to go to Menlove Dodge in Bountiful as they will get me into a car.  So Benjamin and I decided to bag car shopping and go next weekend to Bountiful.

            The Log Cabin Club was meeting at the Center and Bob Manchertz was there. He’s such a dork. All talk and no action and always whining about something. He said he hated to see me “prostitute” myself when he saw me fawning over Kelly. I couldn’t help it. When I really like someone I truly do wear my heart on my sleeve.

            Anyhow at the Center I bought two tickets for "Boys in the Band" for the 11^th that is being performed at the Aardvark Cabaret. I will take Benjamin. It’s kind of my treat for his going everywhere with me today.  We left the Center and walked up to the Aardvarks to make sure we had the correct tickets and then we walked on home to the Riviera. It was a very nice day to be out walking.

            I was home at 5 this afternoon and read in the paper that "The Nightmare Before Christmas" was playing at Trolley Square at 5:15 so I rode my bike quickly down there to see it. I loved every minute of it as it was very bizarre. Later back at my place, Benjamin called and wanted to know if I wanted to go out for an ice cream so I met him and we walked back over to Trolley Square and to Fendall's ice cream parlor. Today was a very fun day and good just to be out walking and visiting about life.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         IHC AND FAMILY SETTLE AIDS LAWSUIT A lawsuit filed by survivors of a Duchesne couple who allegedly contracted AIDS after one of them may have received tainted blood has been settled. The suit contended Orville Swain contracted the disease as a result of a blood transfusion during bypass heart surgery at LDS Hospital in January 1985.Family members contended Swain received blood tainted with HIV and hepatitis, which led to his death in 1988 at age 79. The family also said it led to the death of his wife, Ora May, 75, in 1987, and endangered relatives who gave the pair "hands-on" care for months. Intermountain Health Care's blood services acknowledged that one of Swain's donors tested positive for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, six months after the surgery. 

The corporation denied causing the death of Swain and his wife and questioned whether the family's contacts put them at risk. According to court documents, none of the subsequent tests of family members has been positive for the virus.

The trial was scheduled to begin Monday in 3rd District Court, but attorneys notified Judge Timothy Hanson the case had been resolved and the trial was canceled. Final settlement documents have not been filed. Terms of the settlement have not been disclosed. 

Swain received his blood transfusion before a test for the presence of HIV antibodies became available in March 1985.

Dr. R. Myron Laub, medical director for IHC's blood services, says donors’ blood now undergoes eight hours of testing for HIV and other diseases.

The family's lawsuit attacked the blood bank's practices in 1985. It contended other tests were available to screen high-risk donors. Family members alleged the bank's testing and questioning of donors were faulty, inadequate and fell below the community standard of medical care.

Swain was diagnosed as HIV positive in May 1987, more than two years after his heart surgery. The family said Ora May Swain tested HIV positive one month later, but the hospital questioned whether her testing was conclusive. Its lawyers had asked to exhume her body for additional tests, but the judge never ruled on the request.    

·         Orville Hatch Swain born 12 Oct 1908 Vernal, Uintah County, Utah, died 4 Jul 1988 Lapoint, Uintah County, Utah, interned Roosevelt Memorial Park Duchesne County, Utah, United States of America

·         Ora May Anderson Swain born 27 Mar 1912, Maeser, Uintah County, Utah, died 14 Aug 1987 Salt Lake City, Salt Lake County, Utah, Interred Roosevelt Memorial Park Duchesne County, Utah,  

7 November 1993 Sunday

I called John Reeves back in Boston this morning to let him know I received his syllabus material in the mail all right. It included all the references he uses for his Sociology Class on Gay theory at Bunker Hill Community College. We went over some of it together.   Then I typed up some lyrics for songs for the kids to sing this month. We are going to learn Railroad and Sailor work songs. Yo ho blow the man down.  Anyway I made some muffins for breakfast then rode my bike down to the Center to meet up with Melissa Sillitoe about the library’s budget. Lynn Gilman had forgotten about the meeting so she was late getting there. But all’s well that ends well. And we did get the budget worked out.

            Garth Chamberlain was in today. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to him in a while. He’s busy with his new job at Gorilla Bikes. I stayed at the Center all day from 1 in the afternoon until 9 at night because of our Historical Society’s presentation tonight. So I mainly puttered in the library checking in books and reshelving.

            Anyway, Melissa seemed really discouraged today. I think she is getting overwhelmed by the magnitude of running the Center and keeping it opened. It’s a big responsibility. Everyone wants the Center to be one thing or another but few are willing to put time, money, and muscle where their mouths are.

            I was really worried that no one would show for Bob Waldrop’s presentation but about ten people did. The presentation was excellent and it was a pity that so few people showed up to hear the lecture. Bob took the time to go through the Tribune and make copies of all articles relating to that time period between 1977 through 1979 when he was such a firebrand. He also donated to the archives tee-shirts and other items from the Anita Bryant protest. After the lecture, Kevin Hillman gave me a ride home in his butch truck. It was really a long but fun day. I need to write a book about the history of the Salt Lake Gay Community during the past 25 years but who has time to record history when we are making it? 

8 November 1993 Monday

I started my parent teacher’s conference this morning at 7:30 to meet with a parent before school started, and continued until the kids were released at 1:30 until 3:30 this afternoon during my planning time. But at least I won’t have to stay pass 6:30 for the rest of the week and I will have no conferences on Friday.

            I stayed home this evening worn out from placating parents and worked typing up the lyrics to sailor work songs for the month of November. I also worked on my Gay history research on love letters between Alexander Hamilton and John Lauren of the Revolutionary War.

            I got several calls from the Stonewall Center tonight. This woman from Ogden had showed up for class tonight and I had to profoundly apologize and explained why I had to cancel it tonight. She didn’t know that I had told folks last week it was canceled for my parent teacher’s conferences. Then a man named Dean Ha,  who’s a pastor, wanted to volunteer in the library and said he had connections with other publishers so perhaps we could get some books donated to the library.  I need to get busy planning the winter schedule for the historical society. So far I have Patty Reagan coming in on December 5^th to talk about the early days of the AIDS epidemic. I want to schedule for January, February, and March, Greg Garcia of the Wasatch Leather Men. Luci Malin about the Ruby Fruit Lesbian caucus, and Dean Walton aka Auntie De about early community Centers.  Others I need to contact are Nikki Boyer, Rev. Bruce Barton, Laura Ferrari and Satu Servigna, Joe Redburn, Becky Moss, Bruce Harmon Chuck Whyte, David Nelson, Michael Aaron, Dale Sorenson, Russ Lane, Ben Barr, Marita Gayle aka Marty Pollack and Jonie Lynn aka Gordon Kotterwinkle. I went to bed at 10 tonight. 

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         GUNSHOT VICTIM STABLE, UNDER POLICE PROTECTION A woman kidnapped and shot by her estranged husband last week remained hospitalized Monday, her condition unchanged. Meanwhile, police officers are guarding the woman as a precautionary measure because of her fears that her dead husband may have hired someone to kill her. "There are a lot of rumors floating around. She's the one who made that statement to some nurses and other people," said University of Utah Police Chief Wayne Shepherd. Gloria Santiago Quinones, 24, remained in serious but stable condition Monday at University Hospital. Her estranged husband, Jorge Luis Santiago, shot her twice in the chest Thursday during a standoff with police. Eight police officers shot and killed him as he fired on his wife. Investigators believe he also shot himself before the hail of gunfire hit him. Since the shooting, Quinones has expressed fears that before his death, her husband hired someone to kill her should he fail to do so himself. "I have nothing to substantiate it other than what she said," Shepherd said, adding that the security is more of a precaution to ease concerns. "But if I'm going to err, I'd rather err in the right direction." Quinones left Santiago after an abusive marriage and after learning her husband had AIDS. But he tracked her to a friend's house and shot the friend who tried to interfere when he threatened to shoot his wife's 14-month-old daughter from a previous marriage. He then kidnapped his wife. Doctors say Quinones will recover from her bullet wounds, but she faces six months of uncertainty while she undergoes tests to determine if she contracted HIV from forced sex during the abduction. "He told her he'd get her one way or the other, with a bullet or the AIDS virus," said Kathy Worthington, a friend of Quinones. "He told her he was going to kill her and then kill himself."  

9 November 1993 Tuesday

It was a long day at work because of Parent Teacher’s Conferences but all that is over shadowed when I heard the news that Ken Francis is dying. James Connelley and I were talking about his volunteering at the Utah AIDS Foundation when he off handedly mention that Ken Brueck had told him the other day at the Deerhunter that Ken had returned from San Francisco to see Ken in the hospital. The news was another blow upon a bruise. I immediately teared up but didn’t cry. He’s not dead yet. Sweet “Sugar Tush”. So many sweet men gone or dying.  I need to track Ken Brueck down an find out what is going on with Ken Francis. 

10 November 1993 Wednesday

Another blow upon a bruised heart. John Reeves received his tests results back and he’s HIV positive. When I came home from work at 6:30 this evening, I had two messages from John asking me to call him back so I did. I thought he wasn’t getting his results back until tomorrow so I was taken a little off guard when he said he was positive. I felt like I had been body slammed. Funny strange, how this day was kind of special at first. The paper boy handed me a paper while I was leaving my apartment to catch my bus. Then I caught the last 9^th East bus home so I didn’t have to walk from Main Street in the chilly weather. But the news of John Reeves HIV status has over shadowed everything else about the day.

            While we both expected it, to hear the words is an entirely different matter. John says he feels polluted.  That is how the “prophet” in the Millennium Approaches said he felt. I told John that he’s no different than he was 24 hours ago. It’s just that he now knows his status. I am probably positive myself but I am not ready for the “great reveal.”  Deny, deny, deny when there’s death all around.

            John says he feels well and that is what counts. He did say he made out his will today and said he’s leaving me his books and papers. I said I’d archive them for him but it’s too early to speak of eminent death. Later maybe. But not now. One of the most upsetting scenario for John was that he was afraid that he may have infected Donald.  I didn't say it but Donald probably infected John as that Donald died so quickly. John says he expects that his dead boyfriend Donald is waiting for him and he wants his ashes sprinkled over his pauper grave.  Change and decay in all the world I see.

            John asked me not to tell anyone here in Utah about his condition. He says he feels too much like a leper right now. Unclean! Unclean! Everyone of my close friends that I met in 1986, that I know of, is HIV positive. I was not supposed to lose my contemporaries  until my old age. We Gay men are flowing together down the great AIDS river to the bounteous sea of death. It will come out some day that this disease was created either by the CIA or some other nefarious agency during the Swine Flu epidemic of the 1970s or the Hepatitis vaccine tests that was administered to Gay men in the late 1970’s.             

            John Booth called me later and we talked for a little bit, getting to know each other. I am still not sure when we will get together. I made arrangements to meet Benjamin Anderson tomorrow at the Cinegrill Restaurant for dinner before going to the play. He said that Kenji wants to join us so that will be fine. I was sad to hear that his son Jared is really sick with some heart ailment too.

            We must continue the progressive struggle against the background of the finality of our own demise. We must create a world of wonder and new opportunities for the disenfranchised; if not today, then tomorrow, and if not tomorrow then the next day. I am very sad right now but joy will come tomorrow, then if not tomorrow then the next day.   

11 November 1993 Thursday

I am still in a blue funk over what John Reeve’s status. I had the last of my Parent Teacher Conference today but I wasn’t able to catch a bus home until 6:45 this evening. I was supposed to have met Kenji and Benjamin Anderson at the Cinegrill Restaurant at 6:45 so by the time I was in downtown and walked from Main Street to 3^rd East I was almost a half an hour late,

            The Cinegrill was again way too crowded so we ended up going to the BC Barbecue joint on the corner of State and 4^th South that always has a huge roasting fire going on in this window facing the street. Smart advertizing because it looks so inviting even though it wasn’t very good at all. But what the hey, I bought dinner for everyone and we made it to the Boys in the Band play at Aardvark Cabaret by 8 this evening. Only about 25 people, more or less, bought tickets so it was a small but intimate gathering. I don’t think the upstairs of the Aardvark could have held much more anyway.

            I was surprised to see Jeff Wood playing the part of Alan McCarthy, the straight party crasher. I don’t know if he saw me in the audience or not. I really enjoyed the performance; however the role of Harold was way understated. This rendition had the relationship between Michael and Donald being the main focus instead of between Harold and Michael. Harold actually should have been the character who drives the play forward. Anyway it was good and I do love the theater. I really should go more often now that I am not so poor.

            I had a really nice time and Benjamin Anderson is such a cut up. He is so different from the whiney “Buffalo Gal” I knew a year ago when I first met him when he wanted to join the Faeries, His head is screwed on tighter and it shows. It’s fun to watch Gay folks grow, change, and develop after they accept themselves. I was home and in bed by 10:30 tonight. Kenji wants to take me to a Japanese Restaurant some time. 

12 November 1993 Friday

Surprisingly I wasn’t tired at work, although I was a little sleepy during the kids sharing their stories in creative writing. During the recesses I made a cute poster with a Pilgrim Man saying “Where are all the turkeys?” And then I answered “On Drugs, smoking, Sluffing School, picking fights, playing with guns and in gangs.” We started rehearsing the dreaded Christmas play. It was about time though as we only have about six weeks of rehearsals.

            Anyway I took the bus home  and had a bite to eat before riding my bike down to the Stonewall Center. It was all locked up because no volunteer showed up so I had to open the place and worked in the archives. I started putting away some of the material that Bob Waldrop had donated and waited for the Community Council to begin at 7 this evening.

            Marlin Criddle came and showed me a proposed by-law change that included adopting Robert’s Rules of Order which was a major bug-a-boo in past Councils. Val Mansfield resigned as Chair of the Outreach Committee, but had been a part of the Board of Trustees which suggested the changes to the by-laws. I asked him if he felt good about the changes and he said yes so I didn’t have any strong objections then.

            Jeff Workman was at the Council I guess to support Cary Ferrin and he didn’t say “Boo” to me and at one point even walked right pass me without even looking at me. That hurt but not as much as it should have because I noticed that John Booth was standing in the hall looking at me with lust in his eyes. I really wasn’t sure why he was at the Center then “duh” it finally dawned on me that he was here to see me. So I went out and we went to the Board Room to talk. There he started kissing me. He said he couldn’t stay as he had to get to the airport to pick up a female dog he was breeding.  We still aren’t sure when we will get together.

            After John left, I went back into the meeting. Hardly any representative of organizations showed up tonight but there were about 25 people in attendance. I nominated Hank Hanna of the Utah AIDS Foundation as chair for next year. Renee Rinaldi of Queer Nation was nominated for chair also. All the current officers including Cary Ferrin were stepping down.

            We voted tonight to null and void all actions and decisions for June and July because of the missing minutes. David Ball really screwed up big time. He even refused to turn over the Council’s membership list so we aren’t even certain who is a member with voting privileges and who is not.  That’s a black mark against his name for sure along with Scott Carpenter.

            By the time we were ready to vote on the by-law changes only ten people remained in the meeting so I made the motion to postpone the voting until next month’s Council meeting before organization reports are given. The motion passed. Also the policy and procedures for the Utah Stonewall Center were adopted and approved by a mere margin of six to three with two people abstaining. They were adopted with a 73 per centage not quite the ¾ required but probably no one but me even noticed.

            Bobbie Smith, Greg Garcia, and Cary Ferrin voted against the adoption. Marlin Criddle gave me a ride home. I told him about Aaron Smith and James Kelley getting married. Well today ends the cycle of the Honey Moon. 

13 November 1993 Saturday

Today is a real red letter day for me in my book. I bought a truck today at Menlove Dodge in Bountiful. Benjamin Anderson went with me for moral support as I knew it would be very traumatic for me since I had never bought a car from a dealer on my own before in my entire life.  

            I had to fill out a credit report and I was approved for a small loan. I was shocked that I made it over that hurdle. The salesman, Chuck Hass showed me several newer trucks for less than $300 a month for 5 years however Benjamin talked some sense into me and said I should buy a used one. He was really a good friend to me today or I’d ended up with something I didn’t want or could afford.

            I decided to buy an 86 dark blue colored Toyota pickup truck that had a nice camper shell on it for about $5400. I put $1000 down and will make monthly payments of $250 for 18 months. I’m kind of glad I bought an 1986 truck because that was a momentous year in my life.

            The truck runs excellent and the interior is good. It only had 81,000 miles on it over the past six years so it hadn’t been driven to death. I bought insurance at Menlove from Farmers for $250 every six months for total coverage which I have to have until the truck is paid off. I don’t think that’s all that bad.

            I couldn’t believe it when I finally drove the truck off the lot. I had transportation again. Praise the universal spirit. It seems so trivial but have transportation opens all kinds of doors for me.  I took Benjamin out to dinner at La Fronteras to thank him for all his help today.

            After stopping in at the Stonewall Center, I went home at 7:30 this evening, all worn out. Completely. It took about five hours to do all the paper work to get the vehicle and the stress took its toll on me so I went to bed at 9:30 tonight. However I woke up at 12:30 in the morning and couldn’t really go back to sleep.

            I finally got up at 2:30 and tried to watch some TV when unexpectedly I had a phone call from Mark Lamar of all people. I told him that it was almost three in the morning but he said he just really wanted to visit with me. He said things are going okay with him and he’s still with his boyfriend. He said his health is good as it can be with him being HIV positive. After  talking on the phone for a half an hour I finally went back to bed but only after doing up the dishes about 5 in the morning.  

14 November 1993 Sunday

I called Mom this morning and we talked briefly. I guess everyone is doing as well as can be expected. My nephew Michael Wachs has moved to Flagstaff to be closer to his sister Denise and her husband Aaron Ferguson. My nephew James Clark however is still in California living with my sister and isn’t in jail anymore.  That is great.

I had to be at the Stonewall Center at 1 this afternoon to meet with Dean Hay, the Presbyterian pastor who is going to be working in the library. Garth Chamberlain was doing volunteer training. God knows we could use some really reliable volunteers. Too many times the Center is locked up with no volunteers to staff the place.

            Anyway I started to file away the archive records that Bob Waldrop gave us until Russell Kracke came in and took over. We got into a tiff over nothing. I was asking him how the files worked and he got very defensive like I was criticizing him personally which I wasn’t. He said I was evidently dissatisfied with his work and getting all huffy. I wasn’t going to rebuked over something he was paranoid about and I said , “Hey hold the phone here! Why do you feel like I am dissatisfied with your work and why are you taking simple questioning so personally?” He said that because I was the director, I was intimidating and I said that it’s all in your head. I asked If I was dissatisfied with your performance why then was I be promoting you as the next director.” So I never was quite sure what wild hair got up his ass.

            Anyhow, I went home after that and typed for 3 hours until 11 at night on my notes for tomorrow’s history class. It still simply amazes me that I actually have a vehicle to get around town in and don’t have to ride a bike or take the bus everywhere.

15 November 1993 Monday

The month is half over, and still no snow storms. The temperature is in the mid forties but well below freezing at night. I drove to work today for the first time in over two years. It takes me now only 15 minutes instead of the usual 45 so I can sleep in more.   The 5^th Grade provided the monthly faculty treats for November and we had a sheet cake that we had Arnold Madsen the custodian pick up for us at Pace Supermarket. After work I went to Professional Bank to check on how much money I had in the bank. I had $1300 which is more than enough to cover the $1000 check I wrote to Menlove Dodge and the $125 I wrote to Farmer’s Insurance.

            I also had to go to the Stonewall Center to teach my Gay History class at 7 this evening. I taught a lesson on “Republicanism, Deism, and Buggery in the Age of Revolution. I had about 6 people come in all and made $18 which I gave $6 to the Utah Stonewall Center for the rent on the room. The Stonewall Center’s Board of Trustees met tonight and Melissa Sillitoe had asked if I’d move my class to a back room so the board could use the space and I said I’d rather not. I paid for the room and it’s more conducive for a classroom.  Besides I’m working my ass off for this class and I don’t want to be shuttled all over the place. I overheard Marlin Criddle saying, that someone is quitting the board. I wonder if it’s Babs DeLay. She is so difficult to work with from what I hear.

            After class, John Booth and I went home together and fucked until ten at night. I hadn’t really intended to make love but just make out. But one thing led to another and before I knew it, I was on my belly and John was on top of me and inside. He really is a sweet lover. I don’t think we will be much more than fuck buddies considering the situation he is in but that should be okay too.

            I had told Benjamin Anderson earlier that I would pick him up at the Deerhunter at 10 so John and I had to stop. It felt good to not have to be pressured into being in bed by 9:30 or 10 to get up early to catch a bus. It was great knowing that I could get up when I wanted instead of being a slave to a bus schedule.

When I looked around inside the Deerhunter, no Benjamin, so evidently he got a ride home with someone else or he found a trick.  At the Deerhunter, I saw Randy Olson who I hadn’t talked to in ages. It was good to see him even if he was still the pretentious good natured queen.

In the news is the North American Free Trade Agreement of NAFTA. I know corporate America will put the squeeze on the working class but in the long run, maybe more money means better education which means more freedom. It’s just Corporate America’s “Manifest Destiny” to control all of North America from sea to shining sea.  

16 November 1993 Tuesday

A week from today, I’ll be out of school for the Thanksgiving Break. Yay! I’m going to be losing one more student on December 1^st. That will be two gone. Now if they don’t put in anymore bounders, I’ll be down to just thirty students.

            The key to my ignition sticks a little and I need to make another set of keys so I went down to Sears after work to the key shop. And who should be working there? Bob Manchertz! Well the key duplicated couldn’t make a key to fit exactly so it would work without catching in the ignition so Bob suggested that I come in Wednesday or Friday when the locksmith is working. So I guess that is what I will have to do.

            I came home, ate supper, and tried typing on the computer when Chris Sorenson came over to return the sheep costume I loaned him for Halloween. We visited a while from 7 in the evening until 10 at night so I didn’t get much work done.  We kept getting interrupted by a lot of phone calls tonight. When I am here alone, it seems like no one ever calls. Anyway I had calls from John Booth, John Reeves in Boston, and Benjamin Anderson.

            Chris and I talked about being Gay in general, and trouble down at the Stonewall Center with volunteers never being consistent. After Chris left, I called John Reeves back. He said he told his academic boss of his HIV status and she was very supportive of him. Telling people that you are HIV positive is like “coming out” a second time.

            Kathy Worthington buried her brother Richard today. Even though he had killed that Alta View hospital nurse in September, yesterday I told her, I was sorry to hear about her brother’s death. He committed suicide in his prison cell about a week ago. Oh the drama in our lives. Sometimes I am convinced that Mormonism makes people a little mental because you have to suspend reason so much to be a true believer. 

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         TOP COURT REJECTS APPEAL BY KILLER OF SUU STUDENT By Brent Israelsen, Staff Writer The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday refused to consider an appeal by condemned murderer Michael Anthony Archuleta, who tortured and killed a Southern Utah University student five years ago. The top court's refusal sends the case back to 4th District Court in Millard County, where prosecutors will request a new execution date for Archuleta, said Kris Leonard, assistant Utah attorney general.  A 4th District jury convicted Archuleta of capital murder in the Nov. 22, 1988, death of Gordon Ray Church, 28. Archuleta, who was 26 at the time, and companion Lance Conway Wood, 20, met Church in a Cedar City convenience store and later kidnapped him, transporting him in the trunk of Church's car. Archuleta and Wood, both of whom had been paroled from Utah State Prison less than a month earlier, then took Church to a remote site about 75 miles north, where they beat him about the head with a tire jack and sexually tortured him with battery-jumper cables and a tire iron. Wood led investigators to the body the next day. An autopsy showed Church had suffered severe injuries to the head and liver, a broken arm and jaw and a cut on his neck. A judge originally ordered Archuleta to be executed in February 1990, but that order was stayed pending the outcome of an automatic appeal to the Utah Supreme Court. In March, the Utah high court rejected the appeal, ruling that the jury's conviction was supported by the evidence and that the death sentence was justified and appropriate because the murder was "especially heinous, atrocious, cruel . . . (and) exceptionally depraved." Defense attorney Michael Esplin appealed the case to the U.S. Supreme Court, arguing in written briefs that Utah's death-penalty statute is unconstitutional and that the trial court erred during pre-trial and sentencing hearings, Leonard said. The U.S. Supreme Court, however, refused to hear the arguments. Leonard said the attorney general's office and the Millard County attorney's office will seek a new execution date for Archuleta as soon as they receive official documentation of the U.S. Supreme Court's refusal. Esplin would not return Deseret News phone calls. The next logical step for the defense, however, is to seek a stay of execution and seek a writ of habeas corpus in the district court, Leonard said. Wood was convicted of capital murder, aggravated sexual assault and aggravated kidnapping in March 1990 but was spared the death penalty, largely because of his young age at the time of the murder. He is serving a life sentence in Utah State Prison but may be paroled someday. 

17 November 1993 Wednesday

It was kind of a long day at school since I had an in-service on Site Base Decision making. I had to stay for the whole class this time because now I have a truck and couldn’t use the excuse that I had to catch the bus. I came home at 5:30 this late afternoon, ate some dinner, and began to work some more on my lesson for next Monday’s Gay History class. I typed up some information I found on Ralph Waldo Emerson and read some about Margaret Fuller and the Transcendental Movement.

            Benjamin Anderson called at 7:30 this evening and we talked for a while. He’s dating Ken Carlson from the old Unconditional Support days who was hustling Mike Casey for a while back when. He said that Garth Chamberlain blabbed about Kenji buying Ben a $300 winter coat. So I guess Benjamin is going to give it back to Kenji and tell him thanks but it comes with too many strings attached. Duke Bush and Kevin are breaking up. Duke had told Benjamin that I was a nice guy but my “girth” got in the way. Oh well. What he’s not attracted to, someone else will be, but still I’ve got to watch my weight. I went to bed at 9:30 tonight, kind of tired out. 

18 November 1993 Thursday

I don’t know how but I had a lot of fun today. School was okay and NAFTA in Congress passed; but at home while reading messages on the BBS sites on the computer, I got to writing Benjamin Anderson a message. Typing was taking too long so we continued our conversation on the phone. He’s telling me about all these dates he’s been getting from the BBS site and I was wondering if they were really dates or just sexual encounters. Why it should matter I’m not sure.

            To get out of the house, Benjamin and  I went down to the Stonewall Center. No one was scheduled for the library so I worked it until 7 this evening when Russell Kracke came in to work on the archives. Anyway while I was there Hank Hanna wanted to run an idea pass me about the Gay and Lesbian Community Council. He was at the Center because Kim Russo and he were doing an “Eroticizing Safe Sex” workshop at Unconditional Support tonight. Kim asked me if I’d ever come back to the Pillar and I said NO. But at least she acknowledge that I was the one that originally started the paper. I told her that I liked what she is doing with the paper now that she is an editor. She said that she holds me responsible for her position with the paper. I think she is a little too gracious but I think if she can turn some of the assholes around she’ll be a miracle worker.  As for me, my lack of confidence in the integrity of Todd Dayley, Brandon Creer, Bobbie Smith, and Dave Ball, the "Quarrelsome Quartet of Queers" who ousted me will always prevent me from having any good faith association with them. They stole my dream.

            Anyway Bob McIntier asked about Aaron Smith and James Kelly and I said I don’t know them all that well but feel like I could give them a good recommendation. They’re moving in with Bob and out of Danny Brujillo and Kevin Clark’s place.  Bob also told me that Babs DeLay was asked to resign from the Center’s Board of Trustees. Evidently it was something she said.

            Ben and I didn’t want to stay for Unconditional Support  so we left the Center and went to Aardvarks’ on 4^th South and 3^rd West to see another performance of the play The Boys In the Band. We thought we had comp tickets from the People With AIDS Coalition. Benjamin had been asked to go with this man named Renny. Since Benjamin was attracted to him, we decided to go and meet him there. He never showed so we never had tickets but we waltz in any way as Beauchaine knows me.

            Anyhow we found out later that Renny is this pathological liar whose just been released from prison for writing bad checks and has nothing to do with the PWAC. Benjamin and I almost fell on the floor laughing over the absurdity of it all when we heard all this from Beau. Anyway I met Rich the accountant from the Utah AIDS Foundation there and gave him a donation for seeing the play.  My old friend Jeff Wood was in it and played the straight married party crasher. We talked for a while after the play and he said he bought a house in Magna. 

19 November 1993 Friday

I saw in the paper that RC Wiley was having a sale on VCR players for $100 so after work I pulled out some money for it. I knew I'd never get mine back from Bobbie Smith even though I had given Troy Lunt, Bobbie's gun back. I went down to the Utah Stonewall Center at 6 this evening when Benjamin Anderson called saying no one had showed for the 7 o’clock shift. I was happy to see Gary Boren was in town and down at the Center. So we visited for a while and I told him what the Pillar crew did to me. He said he loves living in San Francisco. I’m happy for him. He said he's staff the vlunteer desk after I showed him the reference guide book.

            Benjamin and I then went out to RC Wiley’s but they said I’d have to come back tomorrow because they are sold out of VCRs that were on sale. So we decided to go to the “Playschool’s Carnal Carnival". Evidently Devin Hanson of Queer Nation and some others opened a space on 600 South beneath the Viaduct to hold Rave Dance parties and other far out performances. Benjamin and I went with Gary Boren and Chris Sorenson after closing the Center at 9 tonight. We saw Jimmy Hamamoto and Tom Hennacy there also.

            Curtis York , this theatrical performer, was great but everyone else was kind of blah for my taste. But we had fun in the cavernous space Playschool had created. I danced from10:30 at night until 11:30 and then left to go to the Deerhunter just down the street to get out of the cold night air. Besides most of the kids at the Rave were in their teens and early 20’s and I felt like a dinosaur but I can at least now say I’ve been to a Rave. I think you had to be on drugs to think this was a good time. Benjamin found someone to go off with and left me. So I walked back down 300 West to get my truck where I had left at the Center and then went in the Deerhunter. I saw James Connelley’s friend Mark Ewing there surrounded by his entourage like he was holding court.  I was tired and decided to not stay long. I just made a couple of laps around the bar to squeeze through the meat rack then left. I was home and in bed by 12:30 in the morning. 

20 November 1993 Saturday

Today is my Grandparent Johnson’s 72^nd anniversary. Grandma died last year so she only made it to her 70^th. James Connelley said this morning that my mom had called last night with some bad news. My uncle Bill Fagan died yesterday of cancer. The news didn’t make me feel anything at all. I was never close to him and he didn’t like us kids very much when we were small. He was just my Aunt Bonnie’s husband and not even the real father of my cousin Larry. He molested my cousin Stephanie when she was little and I guess other young girls. I really don’t have any feelings for him nor tears to spare. I tried calling Mom but no one answered so they’re probably on their way to California for the funeral for Bonnie's sake.

            I went to RC Wiley’s first thing as they opened their doors. I managed to buy a VCR player for $104. They only had 25 left at that price so if I would have snoozed I would have lost out on the deal. From RC Wileys, I went grocery shopping at Smiths on 8^th and 9^th where I bought an 18 pound turkey. I then called lots of people to invite them over for Thanksgiving. Russ Lane said he’s be there with his Mexican “friend”, Alberto.

            Anyway at 1:15 this afternoon I received a phone call from Garth Chamberlain saying that a volunteer for the Center didn’t show up and if I’d come down and unlock the building which I did. I also went to the KRCL studio and gave Jimmy Hamamoto information for a Public Service Announcement promo for Dr. Patty Reagan speaking at the Utah Stonewall Historical Society’s lecture series. He was about done with his new show so we went to New Frontiers for lunch. We hadn’t gone out to lunch in quite a while. We avoided any conversation about the Del Mar Court gang, nor the Sacred Faeries. After we were done I had to run him back to the station because he wanted to prepare for a show he was doing at 7 this evening as a substitute.

            When I came home, I was barely through the front door when James Connelley and his friend who was visiting from Idaho also came home. I was a little embarrassed by the state of the place because I hadn’t had time to clean up and do the morning dishes. However we visited a while when Benjamin Anderson called and asked if I wanted to go see The Beverley Hillbillies with him and his son Jared.  I did so we went to the 5:30 showing and sat through two features, The Beverley Hill Billies and Mrs. Doubtfire.

            Ben’s son Jared Anderson is 15 years old, tall, lanky, and very pleasant looking. He’s very introverted and prone to school subjects requiring academic excellence. I can tell that he’s on his way to being part of the Intelligentsia.

            Anyhow, Mrs. Doubtfire was superb with Robin Williams and Sally Fields giving knock out performances. My only prejudice was that Harvey Fierstein was under used but he was excellent. Although there seemed to be a “Tootsie” theme in the movie regarding getting in touch with one’s feminine side, I thought over all the film was wonderful. Benjamin and Jared both loved it too.

            We took Jared home to his mother’s out in Holladay by way of first cruising down State Street and being silly. Benjamin and I have so much fun together playing at being imps. We are just like my friend Mike Anderson and I used to have so long ago.  We giggle and laugh and behave very foolishly but we don’t care. I told Benjamin that since we are both Bens, Jared could call me Aunt Bee and then we laughed some more. 

21 November 1993 Sunday –

So begins the last month of Autumn. I fixed Kevin and James Connelley both breakfast this morning and then we visited for most of the morning. I had to push myself to get on the computer to type up my notes for my Gay History class tomorrow, I’m almost through with this week’s lesson but there is only so much more than I can teach in one class. Actually the Age of Romantic Friendships should have been split in two parts, one on the Transcendentalists and then everything else.

            Oh poo. My new VCR player is not working today. The power button won’t turn on and I have a tape stuck inside of it.  Thank goodness it’s not a porno tape, but still it’s frustrating that it worked yesterday but not today. It has a 30 day warranty but I just want to return it for credit and get something else. Oh Well.

            Anyway, John Reeves called me from Boston and wanted to inform me about the play he saw, “The Night Larry Kramer Kissed Me” He said it was sensational and that I should go see it even if I have to go to San Francisco if need be.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         The Utah AIDS Foundation traditionally provides clients with special boxes of food, with a precooked turkey. ``So far, we haven't had a single donation,'' said a spokesman, adding the foundation ``desperately needs personal-care essentials --especially toilet paper.''- The Utah AIDS Foundation, ``is on the great search for precooked turkeys,'' said Sami Kemper, health-at-home coordinator. The foundation weekly assembles boxes of food and items like tooth brushes, toothpaste, soap, shampoo and toilet tissue for its clients. (11/21/93 Page:D1 SL Tribune) 

22 November 1993 Monday

John F. Kennedy was murdered 30 years ago on this date. I was sitting in my 7^th grade Science class which was my 4^th period before lunch when the news was broadcast over the intercom in the classroom. Everything seemed so crazy that I didn’t want to stay at school. I walked home at lunch time with my 8^th grade next door neighbor, Danny Battreall and a friend of his. It was too surreal to act like everything was normal.

            Twenty years ago, I was a BYU student on Thanksgiving break down in Page, Arizona with my pretend girlfriend Marta Gillings, and friends Piper Ballou and Richard Holmes. Richard was dating Piper and he invited us to his folks for Thanksgiving. They were really strange Mormons. While in Page we went to the see the turbines inside the Glen Canyon Dam and also climbed down the side of the canyon to the bottom and the backup.

            Ten years ago, I was working as a Dormitory cook at Brandywine on the University of California at Irvine. I was married to Fran, attending Overeater’s Anonymous, and slowly recovering from heterosexualism.  Now this time is such a blur that it’s hard for me to pin point exactly what I am doing here in Utah.

            At school we had the kids make their paper Pilgrim costumes from the designs I taught them and between that and practicing singing, the day went really fast as it was early out.

            At the Riviera, I tried cleaning the apartment but left at 5:30 this afternoon to go to the Stonewall Center to get ready to teach my class. It was Benjamin Anderson’s evening to volunteer staffing the front desk.  Randy Nyland was the library volunteer and he’s working on a film project by inventorying all our videos.  He also wanted to talk to me about his relationship with this Rod who Craig Hunter had been dating. I think people see me as a Gay uncle figure where I think I am just a big brother. I am not old enough to have kids in their 20’s well maybe. It sounds like Randy has found himself caught in the middle of Rod and Craig’s relationship which isn’t completely over yet and Randy has the lovesick blues. Rod and Craig haven’t resolved their relationship yet and Randy is taking flack over being a home wrecker.  Randy said he’d come over to my place tomorrow to look at all my VCR tapes and pick out films suitable for the library.

            Anyhow I taught my Gay history class on the 19^th Century Transcendentalist movement to just four people in attendance. I guess that is better than no one showing up at all. John Booth wasn’t down for the class but called me later to say that his dog is almost ready to pop out puppies so he couldn’t leave her. I was kind of looking forward to having sex with him tonight. Oh well.

            Benjamin wants us to go to this “Girth and Mirth” club this coming Saturday that is being formed for large men and their admirers. I said I would because I certainly have lost my boyish figure and gained my manly girth. I was sad to hear that Ben’s son Jared has been diagnosed with Lupus. 

23 November 1993 Tuesday

It snowed last night and everything was frosted when I went to work this morning. During the 5^th Grade’s Pilgrim Fair, it snowed and snowed outside without let up. This is really the first snow fall of the season so we can’t complain.

            Mrs. Day was absent again today so Mrs. George and I had to do the program for the parents basically by ourselves. The children do look so cute in their Pilgrim get up I made for them out of paper. Made bonnets for the girls and long berthas and pilgrim hats for the boys with old fashion collars held together with yarn. There is this one girl in Mrs. George’s class who I know will one day be a Lesbian. She’s taller than any of the other students, has short close crop hair, only wears boy’s clothes, shirts and pants, and shoots basketball better than any of the boys.

            For the Pilgrim Fair, she would not wear a skirt or dress, which Mrs. George required of her girls. It was funny, poor thing, because she looked so awkward and miserable wearing the Pilgrim bonnet, bertha, and apron over her boy clothes. Because of her masculine dress and manner, she looked like a Pilgrim in drag. For months, I was never really sure whether she was a boy or a girl. It’s going to be a great disappointment to her when she grows its and society oppresses her into the prescribed gender role they have assigned to her.

            James Connelley has a date with cute Chris Sorenson tonight. They are both 24 years old and to me seem so young. It must have been hard for Mom and Dad to see me at 21 leave home and go off to Utah all by myself. I now realize how young I really was. I am middle aged now. Who would have thunk? 42! Mom was a grandma at 39 years and twice that by the time she was 42. Mom is 64 now like the Beatle’s song.  How strange it is to see her so. In my mind she is still 34, vibrant and I am 13 just beginning to be a teenager. Dad is 68 and going to be 69 in January. “I am growing old. I shall wear my trousers rolled.” How little did I know how meaningful that TS Elliott poem would be for me when I learned it when I was 19 years old and in college. I am not upset that I’m 42. Really, I kind of like it except I am fat and getting bald. However my spirit is as strong and youthful as ever.

            Anyway at home, Benjamin Anderson was freaking out because he had three dates lined up for tonight but it was funny to me when they all eventually canceled or stood him up.  So we went to the Stonewall Center for a bit before heading down to the Deerhunter which was really crazy tonight. We were sitting in the middle booth when this redheaded ruddy looking 25 year old kid named Richard McAllister came over to us. Benjamin had been with him before so he stopped and sat next to me. We were also joined by Bob Lowe aka “Chain Male”. At one point Richard began to feel me up. Taken by surprise, I placed my hand in his lap where he had a raging hard-on.  We then held hands while he was playing footsies with Ben.

            Anyhow, I liked Richard but wasn’t head over heels infatuated , but I suggested that Ben, he and I go back to Benjamin’s place for a three way which is what we did. It turned out to be a very romantic evening as that Richard was a very sweet man. While he was screwing me, Benjamin was fucking him. I had never done that before and the sensation was great and powerful. I also felt a bonding with Benjamin that I hadn’t before. We were a band of brothers. Romantic music was playing while the three of us made love soft, slowly, and sweetly. It made me actually blush with excitement. I was just expecting to have some fun sex but instead the night was way nice. What a pleasant way to begin the holidays. 

24 November 1993 Wednesday

I had the day off so I made the cornbread dressing along with coconut cream and chocolate pies and most of my prep work for tomorrow’s Thanksgiving dinner. Harold Jones called to cancel on me. I’m not really sure how many people will be here tomorrow. I’m planning on about 15 people of the 20 I invited.

            I forgot to mention yesterday that I had sex with Dean Handsaker from the “bi-sexual” group. I gave him a blow job in the library after I had locked the doors. I don’t know what possessed me. Ha! I guess I had teased him for so long about being “bi-sexual” that when he admitted he was Gay I needed to put out.

            Benjamin Anderson and I went to the People With AIDS Coalition of Utah this afternoon. He wanted me to meet Rainey who volunteers at the coalition. We made plans to go see “Salt Lake, Salt Lake” at the Salt Lake Acting Company because Rainey gave us some free tickets. I wanted to meet with folks from the PWAC to get their input on what books to buy for the Stonewall Library with our AIDS money grant.

            Benjamin also had a date with this Rich Du Proix who was in town from Palm Springs. He was a gorgeous man but as vain as a peacock and as shallow as anyone I’ve ever known. We all ended up going to the Salt Lake Acting company together and Rich was such a dud. Big time, and Benjamin was ready to puke over Rich’s attitude. When they had first met, Rich had said to Ben “I suppose you want to have sex with me.” Benjamin was flabbergasted and said “No.”

            Anyhow, I did enjoy the production and it was funny but not as satirically biting as Saturday’s Voyeur which lambastes the Mormon Church. It was snowing by the time we left the theater. Ben and I dropped Rich off at the Bricks Club that used to be the In-Between and I went home to get ready for the big day tomorrow.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Dean Carl Handsaker was born on January 15, 1953 and passed away on Sunday, June 3, 2012. Served in the Navy and is buried at the Utah State Veterans Memorial Park in Bluffdale, Salt Lake County, Utah 

25 November 1993 Thursday Thanksgiving

I was finally able to track Mom down today. Dad and she were over at my cousin’s Stephanie, where everyone was getting together for Thanksgiving. I talked with my Aunt Marie who said my Uncle Milton was really tired from the chemo treatments. Mom said the funeral for my uncle Bill Fagan was yesterday.  My cousin Larry Fagan was asking Mom why there was a riff in the family over Bill. She wouldn’t tell him that it was because Bill had molested Stephanie when she was a child. Bill had a thing for young blond girls. Mom indicated that now that Bill is gone, Milton and Marie wants Bonnie to move to Arizona where they can all be a real family again. Larry is stationed in Guam now and not Virginia anymore. I was surprised to hear that. I would really like to talk to Larry. It’s been at least 17 years since I have. I might not recognize him even. Mom also said that Aunt Beulah Danforth is in the hospital and could go at anytime. My 2^nd cousin Pamela Damron is the only one back in Texas to make any decisions about keeping her alive. If she passes at Christmas, Mom and Dad may have to go back to Texas and I’ll just have to cancel going to Arizona even though I already have the airplane tickets.

            Anyway I was up at 5:30 this morning to put the turkey in the oven and really worked my ass making dinner. On the menu is an 18 pound Turkey, Cornbread dressing, candied yams, Glazed Ham, carrots, corn, green beans, mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, black olives, cranberry sauce, a chocolate pie and a coconut cream pie.

            James Connelley provided two store bought pumpkin pies even though he won’t be eating with us, so we had plenty of food but little guests to eat it. Russ Lane called this morning and cancelled but others didn’t even have the courtesy to do that. Only 4 people showed up beside myself. They were Kenji, Benjamin Anderson, Tom Hennacy, and Jimmy Hamamoto. Even James had to leave to go eat dinner with his mom.

            I was mildly disappointed at the turnout considering how much work and expense went into making the meal and I thought “never again.” If I ever have another Thanksgiving dinner it will be planned for less than 8 people and confirmed before cooking for it.

            The Stonewall Center was having a dinner down there tomorrow after all. So when Melissa Sillitoe called I told her to stop by and pick up the corn, ham, and pies to take to the Center.

            Benjamin Anderson wasn’t feeling well he said, and was running a fever. However the few, who were here on this cold, cold day Thanksgiving Day, did have fun but it was cold! It was only about 25 degrees for the high today. Everyone began to leave at 5 this afternoon. I spent the evening cleaning up, putting away the leftovers and was a little depressed. It was a year ago that I saw Jeff Workman come home with a love bite on his neck which was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I was no longer his “sweet baboo”. 

26 November 1993- Friday

I did some running around doing errands this afternoon after going to the Hair and Body Works salon where I had Jon Merrill aka Dixie cut my hair and I had him give me a massage all for $50. Don Glenn Jenny also works in the salon and he had this silly looking red Mohawk, I said I certainly hope it’s not Mohawk Specials this week. Jon is going to go to the Gay Games  next year. I said wouldn’t it be fun to get together in New York City?

            Anyhow after my hair appointment, I picked up Benjamin Anderson who said he was feeling a little better and we went Woodcross to pick up my license plates for the truck “796 GNC”. I always like to have a 6 and a 9 in my license plates somewhere. I said I can remember my letters GNC as it stands for “Gay –n- Cute”.

            Afterwards we went to RC Wileys where we got jerked around about the broken VCR player. I was told I could take it to Warren’s VCR repairs to get the VCR tape out and then bring it back to RC Wileys. However Warren’s VCR shop said they were told by RC Wiley that they won’t take it back but that Warrens can fix it under the 30 Days warranty for free to me at least. But it will be at least 2 weeks before I can get the VCR player back. I feel like I got shafted.

            It was a cold, cold day. I didn’t do anything in the evening except finish doing the dishes and cleaning the place. I must have put $15 worth of leftover food down the garbage disposal  because I was depressed and didn’t want all this food setting around reminding me of all the people who didn’t show up for Thanksgiving dinner.

            I worked a little on my Gay history notes but not much else.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         A Nevada man has been bound over for trial in the slaying of Douglas C. Koehler, who was found shot to death last August near ParkWest ski resort. At a Tuesday hearing, 3rd Circuit Judge Michael Burton ordered David Nelson Thacker, 26, of Unionville, Nev., to appear before 3rdDistrict Judge Homer Wilkinson on Dec. 13 to be arraigned on a charge of murder.  During the first part of a preliminary hearing last month, Clint Crane testified that he and Thacker met Koehler at a bar on Aug. 22. The trio drank, played pool together and sniffed cocaine, Crane said.  After the bar closed, they drove to a condominium in Park City. Later, Thacker kicked Koehler out of the apartment and told Crane that Koehler had tried to kiss him.  Sometime later, Crane said, Thacker grabbed Crane's .22-caliber revolver and they both drove toward ParkWest, where Koehler was staying. They spotted Koehler just 50 feet from his condominium and pulled up next to him. Thacker called Koehler over to the truck, pulled out a gun and shot him, Crane testified. (11/26/93  Page: D8 SLTribune) 

27 November 1993 Saturday

I met Michael Ray Romero today. This afternoon Benjamin Anderson asked if I wanted to go to the show with his teenage son Jared. I said sure because Jared is a nice kid and it was kind of a family thing for Ben. I gave Jared all my old comic book collection except for my Uncle Scrooges. I had 1^st editions of several collector sets including all the Indiana Jones Adventures. However no one in my family is a comic book fan except on my sister Donna’s side and I am not close to those kids at all.

            We went to see McCauley Calkins in the Good Son. It was okay; kind of a 1990’s rip off of The Bad Seed. We saw it at the dollar theater at Sugar House. So what the heck. We took Jared home to his mother’s at 5 this afternoon and the we had to get ready to go to this birthday party being thrown by this fellow named Jim Dunker. He is starting a “Girth and Mirth Gay men’s group” sort of that he’s calling “Sir Plus” for big men and their admirers.

            Anyhow, we get there about 6:30 in the evening and this gorgeous man opened the door and he said his name is Mike. I didn’t know a soul there and there were only about six people at the party. However I was am so drawn to this Mike guy. Benjamin was kind of put off because he said that he had tried to pick Mike up once at the Deerhunter and got the “Brush off”.

            Anyway it was this individual named Rick’s birthday who is also called Blanche. He was from Knoxville, Tennessee and had just moved to Utah about three weeks ago and Jim Dunker had a room to rent in his mobile home trailer. Anyhow I make sure I sit next to Mike and slightly touch him on the leg and he was very responsive to my touch. So I sat with my hand just behind his knee and he reached to hold my hand.

            Well, we had a piece of birthday cake but then decided to go out to the Deerhunter via first the Stonewall Center. Rick aka Blanche, Mike, and the rest had eaten dinner there at the Center yesterday so they must have eaten the ham I had sent for the dinner. Funny it seems like I was fated to meet Michael because if not yesterday at the Stonewall Center then today at Blanche’s birthday party.

            Anyhow in the Stonewall Library, Michael kisses me and it just electrified me tingling from my toes to my head. Michael is from Wyoming, about 6 feet 4 inches tall, black hair, green eyes framed in long black eye lashes, a black cowboy fashioned mustache, just my type; BIG TIME.

            From the Center we went down the street to the Deerhunter but Benjamin didn’t want to stay because he was depressed so I had to run him home but then came right back to be with Michael. I felt like a tramp kissing Michael in front of all these people at the bar but I didn’t care. Michael was feeding me affection that I was starving for. Eventually the rest of Jim Dunker’s party left to go bar hopping leaving Blanche, Michael, and me behind. We decided to leave the Deerhunter and go look at the Christmas lights on Main Street downtown. We also drove around the Avenues, Federal Heights, and Capital Hill to see houses with Christmas lights. It was very romantic being with Michael even if we were chaperone by Blanche riding in the backseat.

            At midnight we dropped Blanche off back at Jim’s coach and Michael and I drove back up to 11^th Avenue overlooking the lights of the city where we talked and made out; mostly made out. It wasn’t simply lust that was pulling us together. I felt so connected with him. At 1:30 in the morning we went back to my place at the Riviera where we went to bed to cuddle and sleep. I said to Michael that I didn’t want to have sex tonight but of course we did anyway. How could I not with this incredibly handsome man in my bed, nude, sweet and cozy? What a wonderful, wonderful evening. So romantic.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Chester R. Denn, 44, was found bludgeoned to death inside the home at 3121 S. 800 East he shared with Gary Rafferty. Rafferty was arrested at 2026 E. 4400 South after a 10-minute chase. During the chase he allegedly tried to run over a deputy sheriff. Investigators said Denn was kicked and beaten to the head and nearly every bone in his face was broken. Rafferty, who was in the process of moving out when the assault occurred, was charged with murder, attempted aggravated murder and failure to stop at an officer's signal. A preliminary hearing is scheduled for Jan. 18. Alleged motive: Anger. Cause: Beating. 

28 November 1993 Sunday

I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night. I hadn’t actually slept with someone for all night long since last summer. We kissed and kissed and kissed some more all night long. We could not keep a part. Even in the morning we did not get out of our lover’s bed until noon and then we went back to bed to fuck, kiss, hold, and caress.  Finally we took a shower together and then I sent him on his way at 3 this afternoon because I absolutely had to type up my notes for my Gay history class. I didn’t want him to go but he understood.

            After he left I called John Reeves in Boston and exclaimed “I am in love, I am in love, I am in love!” And I truly am. What a crazy situation. Michael is 37 years old born June 21^st 1956 of Spanish and German New Mexican descent. He’s fair skin, smooth body, has incredible eyes and certainly “Tall, dark and handsome.”

            I typed until 8:30 this evening when Michael called to ask me out for coffee at Squatters. Actually I had Chamomile tea and he had lemonade. Ha! I am so attracted to him and he to me. He said he wanted to see me again before heading back to Rock Springs. He makes me giddy like a school girl looking at him. I should be ashamed at my age. As we talked I found out that he’s into metaphysics like I am and it seems so easy and so right to converse with him. He invited me to go with him to Seattle on December 11^th to visit his aunt. Maybe I will go.

            Gawd my head is swimming and my heart reeling from this most unexpected development. While were chatting I gave him the Mattel Toy Personality Test. His color is blue described as happy and energetic. His animal is a dog; fun and happy. The body of water is the ocean described as renewing.  He says he feels my strength and honesty. I feel his too. 

            Back at my place we kissed and cuddled until 10:30 at night. I wanted him to spend the night and he wanted to spend the night but my better judgment said we should part for the night or I’d be wiped out for school. However I am at that stage in this relationship that I want to quit my job and just lay naked in bed with him, kissing and cuddling forever. Sentimentally sickening isn’t it? Well it’s how I’m feeling and I haven’t felt love in a while. What will this road lead to? I wonder. Gawd, I feel so sappy. I am totally and completely in love with this man. Slow down.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Mike D. James, 40, of Payson, died at LDS Hospital Dec. 22 shortly after he was removed from life support. He drove into Flying J Travel Plaza, 850 W. 2100 South, and asked for help. He had been stabbed in the left temple, and the blade went into his brain. He said he had been stabbed by a hitchhiker who had given him a lift. He apparently stopped his van after he was stabbed, and the hitchhiker fled on foot. Investigators are looking at other possible scenarios, including possible drug deals from Pioneer Park. Police have no suspects. Motive: Unknown. Cause: Stabbing

·         Michael A. Potterf age 50, died in Salt Lake City, Utah. A native of  Ohio, He graduated from Olympus High School and the University of Utah. Michael was the director of the Tokyo office of the Port Authority of New York.

·         ALTERNATE VOICES: DIVERSE PUBLICATIONS SHARE WORRIES ABOUT FUNDING, ADVERTISING, AUDIENCE. By Jason N. Swensen, Staff Writer - STAVES, published eight times a year, enlightens Utah's pagans to the traditional ritual of celebrating Samhain, the pagan new year. Over a dozen independent or "alternative" publications can be gleaned at newsstands, coffee houses, record shops and bookstores throughout the valley. It's impossible to determine an exact number of alternative papers in the Salt Lake area - almost anyone with ambition and a word processor can become an overnight editor, publisher and reporter. "Desktop publishing has made it possible for someone to start a newspaper with very little money," said University of Utah communications professor DeAnn Evans. "It's tough to make it; most alternatives come and go, but some stay - and their voices enrich the community." The topical range of alternative newspapers in Salt Lake is almost as numerous as the publications themselves. There are liberal and conservative papers; alternatives published in Chinese and Spanish; two gay and lesbian monthlies; and a smartly penned chronicle for professional women. While most Salt Lake alternative newspapers are available free of charge at street or business stands, all offer mail subscriptions. In fact, publishers of some controversial papers often distribute more issues through paid subscriptions than complimentary pickups. "We do have quite a few readers who are more comfortable receiving a pagan newsletter like STAVES at home," according to advertising director Robert Smith, who also helps edit a gay monthly - The Pillar. With a circulation of 5,000 readers, Smith believes The Pillar has helped to unify and establish a politically credible gay community in Salt Lake. "When the Pillar began, many people in and outside of our community did not take us seriously. Now they do," he said. Because of myriad philosophies, missions and audiences unique to each independent publication, it's difficult to accurately categorize alternative newspapers. However, most newspapers fall into three loose genres: politics and entertainment, foreign language, and alternative lifestyle. Crossover among the trio is common. The Pillar Establishing trust between an alternative newspaper and its sponsors is a daily task, according to Robert Smith. "When our paper started about nine months ago, it was difficult to stir up advertising because many businesses had been burned by other (independent) papers," he said. "Over time, we've proven that we can put out each issue on schedule - and the advertisers have responded positively." The Pillar focuses on local happenings and issues of interest to Salt Lake's gay and lesbian community. The Womyn's Community News Frustrated by a perceived indifference to gay issues in the local media, Kathy Worthington founded a monthly newspaper two years ago exclusively for homosexual women. "The Womyn's Community News ensures our community will receive the national gay news. The paper also informs people about events and concerts happening locally," she said. - The Pillar - Kim Russo - gay publication. Articles deal almost exclusively with local issues in the gay community. - The Womyn's Community News - Kathy Worthington - a monthly for the Salt Lake lesbian community. Attention focused on national and local news of interest to lesbians. Calendar of events is also listed. - Staves - Steve Turner - pagan paper. Articles discuss pagan beliefs, history and recipes. Eight issues per year - each issue preceding a pagan holiday. 

29 November 1993 Monday

I managed to sleep for a couple of more hours but I was dragging ass like crazy at school. I kept thinking of Michael Romero all day. I came home as fast as I could because I had to finish the notes for my Gay history class tonight. I spent so much time with Michael that I really was under the gun to get it all done.

            At 5 this evening Blanche called and wanted to tell me a joke and while I had her on the phone I asked for Michael’s telephone number. I thought she had put Jim Dunker on the phone but it was Michael! I was thrilled and embarrassed at the same time.  Embarrassed that he caught me trying to get his number but happy that he was still in town and was planning on coming to my history class tonight at the Stonewall Center. Anyway my printer is a dot matrix printer and was so slow that even though I started printing at 6:30 this evening it took until 7 for all 9 pages to print.

            Anyway, I rushed down to the Center, arriving there just a little bit late and fuck! I forgot all about John Booth being there! Well he didn’t call me all week so he couldn’t have been too excited about dating me. I am just twitter-patted over Michael.  Only about 5 people attended class tonight and I kept looking at Michael the entire time.

            After the class was over, there was John Booth waiting for me. Talk about your awkward moments. I introduced Michael to John as my “friend from Wyoming.”  Anyway, Michael and I went home and went right to bed. We were so tired. I love him being in my bed. 

30 November 1993 Tuesday

Michael Romero had to get up at 4:30 this morning to drive back to Rock Springs, Wyoming. I kissed him goodbye and went back to bed to sleep a couple of more hours before getting ready to go to work. Again I was wiped out at school and was so glad to get it over with and come back home. I did go grocery shopping because I had nothing in the house.

Benjamin Anderson had a date that fizzled  and he was pretty disgusted with the entire dating scene. So I read to him my favorite poem “Waiting” by John Burroughs “Serene I fold my hands and wait.”

I called Michael at 7:30 this evening to make sure he got home alright. He said he was missing me and that he loved me, I told him I loved him too! It seems so weird. It’s happening so fast but then all my relationships from John Cunningham forward have been fast.  I fall in love at first sight.

Goodbye November. A year ago it was the beginning of great sorrow and now it’s the beginning of great promise.

DECEMBER

1 December 1993 Wednesday

Today is my nephew James Edgar Clark’s 25^th birthday. I sent him $20 in a card. I also sent in my first payment for the truck of $252, now I only have 17 more payments to go. I paid rent today of $360 because I was paid today and cleared $1400.

            Benjamin Anderson and I joined the Deseret Gym today. I paid $40 for a monthly pass so not to overly commit myself. The gym moved so much around that I got lost! But it’s time to start working out again and for $40 for my health is a bargain. I worked out until 6:30 this evening and it was near 7 when I finally was home. I ate some supper then called Michael Romero because I just wanted to hear his voice. I’ll see him this Saturday when I pick him up at the Thrifty Car Rental  at 3 in the afternoon.

            I worked a little on my Gay history class. I only have two more lessons to teach but I am getting tired of it. I’m not actually tired of teaching just all the typing and research I do. I am not sure how much anyone is getting out of it for the amount of effort I put into it. I need to get my lesson done by tomorrow so I will have more time to spend with Michael this weekend. I went to bed at 9:30 tonight as I was really tired.

            I heard that Chris Sorenson and James Connelley aren’t dating anymore. That is too bad because they were so cute together. This kid named Tracy has moved into Benjamin’s apartment to help him out with expenses. That’s good. I read in the Pillar today that David Ball resigned from the paper. I was surprised he stuck it out this long. Bobbie Smith treats him like shit I gather and I’m sure Brandon Creer and Todd Dayley had no use for him. I only asked David to join the Pillar Staff because I felt sorry for him and he was a friend, so I thought, who I could help out by creating a job for him.  

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL 

·         Day Without Art: The 5th International Day of Action and Mourning in Response to the AIDS Crisis celebrated the achievements of colleagues and friends lost to AIDS. Galleries and museums in Salt Lake City participated in the observance by removing or shrouding works of art in a symbolic representation of the tragedy of AIDS in the arts community. ( 11/28/93 Page: F7 SLTribune) 

2 December 1993 Thursday

I am a little worn down. Christmas is making the kiddies “nutso”. So what else is new, right? I spent most of the day writing out bills and typing up notes for my Gay History class. I am focusing on the Harlem Renaissance of the 1920’s and the Lesbian Expatriates of Paris.

            Michael Romero called me this evening and we talked for about a half an hour. I was really missing him and glad he called. I guess he will come down here Saturday.  Michael had asked me to go to Seattle with him for his aunt’s 50^th birthday and I’ve decided to go with him. It will be a good way to tell whether we can get along. Just because you are in love, doesn’t mean you can live together. I think Michael is so cute.  

3 December 1993 Friday-

I had a surprise when I came home from the gym where I weighed in at 225 pounds. I am so ashamed. Ugh! Anyway Michael Romero had called from Wyoming and said he was coming down tonight so I had to quickly change my plans for the night. I was going to go with Benjamin Anderson to this party that he heard about off of the BBS computer site but I wanted to be home for Michael.

            So I just let Benjamin take my truck and I worked on my presentation for the Monday Gay history class some but I barely had 5 pages typed up when Michael showed up. I had planned on typing all night and tomorrow but I guess that plan fell through. Oh well. It’s important that I spend time with Michael and that we get to know each other better.   Michael came in at 8:30 this evening and we went to bed at 10 at night. I made arrangements for Nancy Astill to substitute for me in two weeks.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         A candlelight service, ``AIDS: A Service of Memory and Hope,'' took place at South Valley Unitarian Church ( 11/28/93 Page: F7 SLTribune)

·         Page: D1 Tim Themy-Kotronakis, inventor of a device he claims can treat AIDS, has been ordered to answer state charges of practicing medicine and pharmacy without a license. The original version of this story in The Salt Lake Tribune Dec. 3 incorrectly stated action taken by the Utah Attorney General. Photo/Graphic: Al Hartmann/The Salt Lake Tribune Tim Themy-Kotronakis, left, and son Dean say solution made in their ``AIDS Treating Machine'' successfully treats many ailments. I NVENTOR REFUSES TOSTOP USING `AIDSMACHINE'INVENTOR REFUSESORDER TO STOP USING`AIDS MACHINE' Byline: By Anne Wilson THE SALT LAKETRIBUNE     Utah regulators have ordered the inventor of the ``AIDS Treating Machine'' to answer to accusations of practicing medicine without a license.   Tim Themy-Kotronakis, president of T&T Medical Products in West Valley City, has no plans to stop treating people.   ``None of your allegations apply to me, and therefore I will take no action,'' he wrote in a letter addressed to assistant Utah Atty. Gen. Mark Hirata, who represents the Utah Division of Occupational and Professional Licensing(DOPL).   Mr. Themy-Kotronakis claims he has successfully treated more than 100 patients at no charge  in the past two years, for afflictions ranging from AIDS to burns to psoriasis. He has not published any of his results but describes 25cases in a patent application he intends to file.   His device consists of a cylindrical tank and two platinum-coated electrodes, designed and patented by his son, Dean, 33. The tank is filled with ordinary salt water and an electric current is passed through it.   That produces a solution containing sodium, chlorine and ozone. Mr. Themy-Kotronakis then administers the solution orally, by enema, by injection or directly to a wound or skin condition.   Chlorine and ozone are known germ killers and Mr. Themy-Kotronakis has laboratory reports that show his Solution A kills bacteria and spores in a test tube.   But he has no documentation, beyond personal observation, that Solution A will destroy disease-causing organisms in living creatures.   Without such evidence, any claims that Solution A is an effective treatment for anything are premature, said David Roll, a University of Utah pharmacy professor and a member of the National Council Against Health Fraud.   Kristen Ries, a Salt Lake City physician who treats AIDS patients, has refused to refer any patients to Mr. Themy-Kotronakis, whom she describes as ``out of line.''   ``There is no proof scientifically that it works, ‘she said.   One of Mr. Themy-Kotronakis' clients with AIDS, William R. Sims Jr., said he will continue to use Solution A, even though laboratory tests have not measured any improvement in his white blood cell count, a measure of the health of his immune system.   State regulators claim Mr. Themy-Kotronakisis breaking the law because he is treating people with a solution the Food and Drug Administration has pronounced a drug. They also claim he is illegally practicing pharmacy.   Mr. Themy-Kotronakis brushes aside that allegation.   ``If you consider salt solution a drug, then everyone who takes salt pills needs to get them from a doctor,'' he said. ``There's no drug. I'm not treating anybody.''   Shelly Maifarth, a compliance officer with the FDA in Denver, said the agency classifies substances as drugs depending on their use.   She said Mr. Themy-Kotronakis does not have agency approval to do any testing with Solution A. The FDA has known about Mr.Themy-Kotronakis' activities since early September, but has taken no action against him.   ``This is a bureaucracy,'' Ms. Maifarth said. ``We have made a recommendation to Washington regarding this case and I really can’t discuss it until it gets cleared and we file whatever kind of action we're going to file, if we take any action.''   Mr. Themy-Kotronakis' son, Dean, claims the FDA has a ``personality conflict'' with his father because he has aggressively promoted his device. Traditional science, he argues, will not investigate unorthodox treatments because existing treatments for AIDS are too lucrative.   Mr. Themy-Kotronakis claims he is so confident Solution A is effective that in April, he injected it into his own abdomen and scrotum with a syringe he had just used to treat an AIDS victim in a Salt Lake City hotel. He said he drinks the solution daily.   Last month, he gave the Institute for Antiviral Research at Utah State University $2,000 to test Solution A on sick mice.   Robert W. Sidwell, institute director, said the study will attempt to determine if a solution produced by the machine ``has any effect'' on mice infected with a virus that is ``somewhat related to HIV,'' which causes AIDS.  The first experiment had to be abandoned when the mice died after being injected with the solution. Mr. Sidwell was reluctant to discuss the study until it was completed and said he is not sure why the mice died.   ``Whether or not this is a safe material, I can’t speculate on that,'' he said. 

4 December 1993 Saturday

Michael Romero and I slept in until 9:30 this morning after making love all night and being wrapped in each other’s arms. When we began to stir, we went out to the Salt Lake Roasting Company for some Costa Rican coffee and a muffin. It is so sweet being with this man. I am in love again. Thank your Providence.

            Michael wanted to go up to Park City so we did this afternoon and ate lunch at the Wasatch Pub on Main Street. It snowed while we were eating and it was so romantic.  We had nachos and a Caesar salad which was excellent.

            When we left Park City we drove through Heber the down Provo Canyon to Bridal Veil Falls. The drive was fun for getting to know each other better. He’s such a gentle sweetheart and I’m falling so hard for him. Michael is about 6 foot 4 inches tall, thick black hair, black mustache, green hazel eyes framed by long black lashes, long white teeth and has some freckles. He is so handsome. I can’t believe how much I love him. We made plane reservations with Delta Airline to fly to Seattle on the 16^th with a return on the 19^th. It’s his lesbian Aunt’s 50^th birthday so we are going to a surprise party her lover is throwing her.

            When we returned to Salt Lake City we went to the Tower Theater and saw this Japanese movie about Gays in Japan called "Okega". Michael and sat in the balcony and just kissed and held each other. We both really enjoyed the movie but it was kind of hard to follow at times even with subtitles.

            Later, Jim Dunker’s renter “Blanche” invited us over to the trailer court to have a Spaghetti dinner. Blanche is this 300 pounds Gay man from Tennessee who is a 1^st Grade teacher’s aide who is really more woman than a man. Her aura is definitely more female.  Imagine Devine, with a short curly hair in a muumuu and you got the image of Blanche. When I first met her I thought for sure she was a woman instead of a Gay man. Michael’s aura in contrast  is so masculine gentle.We stayed at Jim’s place until 1:30 in the morning watching La Cage Aux Folles. What a very sweet day today was from the moment I woke up until I went to sleep, all because of Michael. 

5 December 1993-Sunday

I stayed in bed the lover’s way until 10 this morning then fixed Michael some breakfast and coffee. Michael is a semi-vegetarian like me. We went out for a little bit to go looking around at the Christmas decorations at Crossroad’s Mall. We first stopped and washed my truck. It was filthy from the road salt and dirt from last week’s storm. Then we went to the mall where I bought a cassette tape to record Dr. Patty Reagan’s  topic tonight, some music for my kids and a phone adapter plug. We discovered a store  called Structures that I thought was incredible with archeological designed items and neat New Age clothes. Anyway I took Michael out to dinner at LaFrontera’s on 4^th South and about 15^th West where the Mexican food is fabulous. I’ve grown so close to Michael I can’t imagine living without him. He’s an answer to a prayer.

            At home I read his medicine cards where is East is Antelope, South Hummingbird, west possum, north dolphin, above Turkey, below dog, within horse, left Buffalo, and right turtle.  We took a nap before I could finish the reading as I was so tired from fucking all night. Well we didn’t actually nap as we went to bed and made love and then slept until 6 in the evening when I had to be down at the Stonewall Center to set up chairs for the historical society.

            I was afraid no one would show up with it being that December is such a hectic month but we had about 12 including Jimmy Hamamoto and Tom Hennacy. Patty Reagan was great and really informative. I knew that she started the Salt Lake AIDS Foundation but didn’t understand that she alone was the Foundation for the first year.

            I talked to Jimmy about doing a PSA promo for the Historical Society on KRCL and I introduced Michael to everyone as my “honey.” Jimmy and I are going to New York City next year for the 25^th Anniversary of Stonewall. Who knows, maybe Jimmy and I will be going with Michael.  

            Anyway after the lecture, Michael took me home and he left about 9 at night to go back to Rock Springs. I sure hated to see him leave. I want him to leave with me. But we have to take it slower I think. I sure had a sweet fun weekend. I won’t see Michael again until next Saturday. I feel like a service bride with my lover out to sea for a week.

            I called Debbie Rosenberg before going to bed. She had just returned from a conference in Seattle. She said she saw Rod and Randy there but they are not necessarily my favorite people. I also talked to Benjamin Anderson today for a little bit. He said that the party he went to last Friday was dumb so he left and went to a sex party afterwards and he said "And who should be there?" Dan Fahndrich and Scott Anderson! I didn’t know they had an open relationship. Whatever floats your boat.

Anyhow Benjamin said that last Thursday Todd Bennett and Bob Stickler, the new director of Unconditional Support was trashing me at coffee saying that I was a “control freak and that I seemed nice until you got to know me. Benjamin stood up for me and said I was his best friend. Well I am not surprised that they would say that about me as they aren’t all that stable themselves and I know it’s mostly petty jealousy on their part. Benjamin said that Todd and Eric “Enzio” have also broken up. I hate to see anyone break up. It’s sad. I saw Todd’s old flame George Henry aka Butterfly-Hummingbird at the Deseret Gym last week. I also saw Doug Webb there on Friday. That was fun catching up with them about our lives.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         THE SALT LAKE MEN'S CHOIR, under its new artistic director, Douglas Kinney, will present its annual Christmas concert Saturday and Sunday, Dec. 11 and 12, at 7 p.m. at Wasatch Presbyterian Church, 1626 S. 1700 East. Kinney joins the group after three years as associate conductor of Virginia Opera and music director of the Spectrum Young Artists Program. He is on the faculty of the University of Colorado. Under the theme "Christmas Comes Anew," the choir will offer music ranging from Beethoven and Vaughan Williams to Jule Style and Irving Berlin. Accompaniment will be by piano, organ, percussion and flute. Tickets are $10 from choir members or $12 at the door. For information call 485-2989.© 1998 Deseret News Publishing Co.

·         ``Art for Life'' More than 100 works of art by Utah artists were auctioned at Tivoli Gallery, Salt Lake City, to Benefit the  Utah AIDS Foundation. Proceeds from ``Art for Life'' go to pay for HIV and  AIDS education and to provide services to people afflicted with the virus. Among those artists who have donated their works were Randall Lake, Trevor Southey, Randi Wagner, Mary Ellen Hogle, Ken Baxter, Zelda Bills, Nancy Glazier, Woody Renzetti, Theodore Wassmer, Roberta Glidden, Nancy Lund, Lori Mehan, Joe Stetich, Noel Betts, Frank Huff and Jossy Lownes.  Also donated anonymously was a painting by acclaimed artist David Johnsen titled ``Certified Cremo.'' Summerhays Music has contributed a limited edition oak conservatory grand piano. In speaking of the auction, LaDonna Moore, executive director of the Utah AIDS   Foundation, said, ``World AIDS Day [Dec. 1] acknowledged the incalculable losses to the artistic community -- and to society as a whole -- from AIDS. Broadway lights were dimmed, music was silenced and art was shrouded in solemn commemoration of lives lost.  ``But art celebrates life. And today is the day to put that art back into our lives, and at the same time to ensure that the foundation's vital programs will continue uninterrupted.''( 11/28/93 Page: F7 SLTribune)( 12/05/93 Page: F4  SLTribune)   

6 December 1993- Monday

Most of the morning at school was taken up by practicing the Christmas Play. I guess that is how it has to be for the next  two weeks. I kept thinking about Michael Romero all day. I conjure up his handsome face Iberian face and the I smile. What a neat man and he loves me! And I LOVE HIM.

            I used my planning time after the kids left to finish up the notes for my class tonight and then I went to the Deseret Gym right after work.  Benjamin Anderson wasn’t there because he was volunteering at the Utah Stonewall Center. I worked out and was on the treadmill. I was tired when I was done.

            I went right home afterwards and had a grilled cheese sandwich, cottage cheese and a baked yam. I decided to show a clip from “Bringing Up Baby” which was the first time in films that the word Gay was used to refer to homosexuality. I also showed a little about the Harlem Renaissance from Beyond Stonewall. Only three people showed up for my Gay history class, John Booth, Mark Swanson, and Kirk Robinson, although Benjamin sat in on much of the class.

            Before the class started I talked to John how I’ve fallen in love with Michael and hoped that we could still be friends. Because John and Mark couldn’t attend next week, we decided to end the class tonight. I said that I enjoyed teaching the history class but it was a lot of work and perhaps I will teach it again in the Spring and they could sit in on it without paying.

            I didn’t get home until 9:30 tonight and the I called Michael. He said he was really tired too, as I was but I wanted to hear his voice. I got approval for the Seattle Trip by getting the days off.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Beloved son, brother, uncle and friend, Dale Harold Christensen, 30, died on December 6, 1993 in Salt Lake City of complications due to AIDS. Born January 21, 1963 in Heber City, Utah to Harold R. and Dorothy S. Christensen. Graduated from Wasatch High School in 1981. He loved the great outdoors. Enjoyed clamping, golfing and photography.  Survived by his parents, Heber City, Utah; sisters Catheryn (Phil) Saxton, North Salt Lake, Utah; Lila Mae (Kelly) Thompson, Rexburg, Idaho and Connie Christensen, Salt Lake City, Utah. A significant other Brian Maddocks, Salt Lake City, Utah. Preceded in death by a sister Linda Brandt.    Funeral services will be held 12 noon on Friday December 10, 1993 in the Wasatch Lawn Mortuary Chapel, 3401 South Highland Drive, where friends may call Thursday 6-8 p.m. and Friday 10:45 to 11:45 a.m. Interment, Heber City Cemetery, Heber City, Utah.    The family wishes a special thanks to Dr. Ina Amber; Dr. Kristen Ries and a home health care nurse Charlie Gregor. T 12/8 N 12/8

·         FAMILIES AND FRIENDS GATHER TO UNVEIL UTAH AIDS MEMORIAL  By Jerry Spangler, Staff Writer  Lost but never forgotten. That was the message repeated over and over Sunday night as friends and family members of those afflicted with AIDS or HIV gathered at Dinwoody Park, 45 W. 100 South, to unveil a memorial plaque honoring the 476 Utahns who have died of the AIDS virus since 1983. "My son Chance and I face our mortality here today," said Peggy Tingey, who has been diagnosed with AIDS. "Thank you. You have made us immortal."The small memorial was erected in Dinwoody Park after months of raising funds from private sources and lobbying city officials for a suitable location for the memorial. The memorial, which is shaped like the state of Utah, features the 23rd Psalm - The Lord's Prayer - followed by "Let us not forget." According to Kim Russo, outreach coordinator for the Utah AIDS Foundation, 744 Utahns have tested positive for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. Another 860 Utahns have been diagnosed with AIDS. The memorial, she said, is the work of "individuals who have come forward with compassion. Thank, you for your gift of caring." The memorial was the work of the Utah AIDS Memorial Project, a group of volunteers led by Bobby Hubert, who spent 17 months raising almost $2,000 to build the memorial. Organizers say the memorial is meant to be a permanent reminder of the life AIDS victims lived -their music, compassion, beauty and humor. "This is important not only for those we have lost, but for ourselves," said Walter Larrabee, co-president of the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire. The memorial, he said, stands as a reminder of "the lessons they gave to us while they were here."  Rev. Bruce Barton of the Metropolitan Community Church offered the invocation, praying that a memorial like this one would never again have to be dedicated. "We stand united in our memories and our anger," he said, "and most of all our hope." Salt Lake City Council chair Rosalind Kirk accepted the memorial plaque on behalf of the city. The ceremony concluded with participants lighting candles and singing "We Shall Overcome."  

7 December 1993 Tuesday

It is the same old stuff at school; Christmas play rehearsals, Christmas Art and a minimum of actual work. I came directly home and cleaned the place but didn’t do much else. I called Michael Romero and he was fine, just mulling over our relationship. Benjamin Anderson was hired at the Egg-Pesso plant which used to be the Salt Lake Egg Company. He wanted to get out of the house to stop obsessing about sex and finding a relationship.  

8 December 1993 Wednesday

I had an in-service class after school but left it a little early because Brenda Tau’a needed a ride home. I then went to the post office and bought twenty Red Ribbon AIDS Awareness commemorative stamps to mail out all my Christmas Cards. However when I came home the apartment was as hot as hell.

When I left the apartment this morning, I thought I had turned the heat down but what I did was turn it all the way up! It was 90 degrees in the place when I came home. I had to throw open all the windows and doors to cool the place off. And since it was in the 50’s, the outside didn’t really cool things off inside dramatically.  I tried to save a little money and probably spent ten buck on wasted heat today alone. Oh well my corn plant and fig tree probably loved it being tropical but Billy Cat was not pleased. 

I called Michael Romero this evening and we talked for about a half an hour. I miss him. Strange that someone I had just met should have such a large part of my heart already.  Benjamin Anderson came over at 8:30 and we visited with James Connelley just laughing and giggling and enjoying life.  Benjamin wanted to go see  "Okega" at the Tower Theater at 9:30 so we did and he paid my way. I wanted to sit in the balcony where Michael and I had sat.  When we came in, this man waved at us and I, thinking it was someone I knew, went up to the balcony and sat next to him but he was a stranger with a female date! His name was Tristan and Benjamin and I later had a good laugh over that. I don’t know why he waved but must have thought I was someone else. Well when I saw the movie this time, it made so much more since as that the projectionist when Michael and I saw it last Saturday, had mixed up the order of the reels. Ha! So it wasn’t just us being confused. 

9 December 1993 Thursday

This morning at faculty meeting,  Elyane Day handed me some class room material and I said why do I get these? She said because I’m a man so I asked “Are you sexist?” and she said yes. So I said "get over it" and she replied "I can’t. That is how I was raised". So I said "Behavior is changeable” all in a half joking way but ugh! I am really growing tired of her dominating everything in her Mormon passive aggressive way. I have a Christmas Dinner Faculty Party I have to go to on the 14^th. Just shoot me.

            I came home right after work and cleaned the place. Benjamin Anderson called and said that he got fired at the Egg place he was hired at because he was allergic to the chemical they used there to clean the place. He felt okay with it because he didn’t like it anyway. I think he should apply for Garth Chamberlains’ job at the Center. Garth just isn’t following through on staffing the place because of his new job but he's done a lot for the Center, more than most.

            I talked to Michael Romero tonight. He said he was really missing me today. I feel so lonesome when I’m only talking to him on the phone. I want to touch him and hold him. Does he really love me? I believe he does. We talked for about an hour. A week from today we will be together in Seattle. Sweet.

            John Reeves called me after hanging up with Michael. He said that 13 people have signed up for Sociology Class at Bunker Hill Community College on Gay and Lesbian theory so it will carry this semester,

10 December 1993 Friday

I’m beginning to get the sniffles so I’m afraid I might be catching a cold. I was tired all day at school and felt kind of ran down. I did go work out in the Deseret Gym after work so that is good. From the gym I went down to the Stonewall Center where Benjamin Anderson and I hung these folded Christmas paper bells decorationsI made, before Community Council began.

Cary Ferrin didn’t show up for Council but, Michelle Davies took notes for the minutes. We accepted the by-law changes to the Council including adopting Robert’s Rules of Order. I voted for the by-laws knowing that we could always throw them out if we don’t like the changes. This was the 7^th anniversary of the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah and John Bennett was in attendance.  Christopher Riese from the Salt Lake Community College’s Lesbian and Gay Student Union was elected Chair over Hank Hanna but then Hank was elected Vice Chair unopposed. I was nominated by Melissa Sillitoe for Secretary and was elected unopposed. After all the complaining I did this year over the missing minutes, I almost had to accept the position or shut up.  I really don’t know Christopher and Hank all that well so I hope we made some good choices. So Cary is out and I am in.

I was home by 9:30 at night and I called Michael Romero. He said he’s coming down tomorrow. I wish he was here tonight. I am so lonesome for him. Benjamin Anderson came over to watch "Married to the Mob" and spend the night on the bed in the front room.

Well here I am Secretary of the Council again, co-director of the Stonewall Library, Director of the Utah Stonewall Historical Society and at the beginning of a new relationship with a man I hardly know but have grown to love in such a short time that it’s kind of scary. 

11 December 1993-Saturday

I slept in until 7:30 this morning then was up to fix breakfast for Benjamin Anderson. He had a date at 10 this morning so I cleaned the place for the rest of the morning while he was out. I also did some laundry.  At 1 this afternoon, Benjamin Anderson was back from tricking and we went to the Stonewall Center where a Craft Fair was going on. I bought a rainbow beaded necklace for Michael Romero and I. We then went to Tom Henacy’s kundalini yoga class he teaches at the Center on how to breathe properly. While there Michael Romero showed up and I was so happy. He sat in on the class with Benjamin and I which lasted until 3:30 in the afternoon.

It was a gorgeous day out and 62 degrees, really short shirt sleeve weather. It is a kind of Southern California December.Tom joined the three of us for a late lunch at the Café Mediterranean. Afterwards Michael and I had to get ready for the two holiday parties we were invited to.  Rob’s aka Myrna birthday party was at Dunker’s and we took along Benjamin there to have dinner. We stayed until 8 this evening. While at Dunkers, Benjamin made a date with this guy named Stewart so he didn’t want to go with us over to Jim Hunsaker’s party. I let Benjamin use my truck and I went with Michael in his Blazer to Jim’s party.

            Jim and his lover Herb bought a house at about 2800 East and 3200 South in the Millcreek area. It is really pretty with hardwood floors but a little too piss elegant for my taste. The Christmas tree was decorated with all white lights and crystal ornaments. It was beautiful but not my earthy faerie style. 

            Jim and Herb had a houseful including Craig Hunter, Chuck Whyte, Dan Humphries and a whole assortment of people I hadn’t seen in years. We left at 9:30 at night and went to look for Benjamin at the Roasting Company. He was over his date by then and he came back to apartment to bring the truck back. James Connelley was home too so we stayed up and visited about what we were all up to. It was fun having all this company.  

        Benjamin was a busy boy today. At ten this morning he had sex, with a guy who took him to a pub for lunch. While his date was in the bathroom, Benjamin made a date with this other dude in the pub, and tonight he had a sex date with this guy named Stewart. What a day for him. Anyway he wanted to walk home so we didn’t have to take him. Benjamin is not happy with his roommate situation.  Tracy’s rent check bounced and it’s not working out as Benjamin expected. I know he’d like to move in here.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

• ·         Vaughn Ray Strong  of Alpine, Utah age 46,died at his  parents' home with his  family by his side following a long and courageous battle with   AIDS. Vaughn graduated L from American Fork High  School. He attended Utah Valley State College, LDS Business College, and Brigham Young University. His course of studies were  art and business administration. He was employed by Pacific Bar Association in Honolulu, Hawaii as an Administrative Assistant. Hawaii was his second home. He will be missed by his many friends and associates, who will be holding a memorial services in his honor in Honolulu on the same day as the services in Utah.  Vaughn enjoyed traveling, camping, hiking and nature. He had a love for music, and works of art. His talents include: piano, organ, trumpet, and art. 11 December 1993 Vaughn R. Strong    ALPINE, Utah--Vaughn Ray Strong, 46, passed  away on Saturday, December 11, 1993 at his  parents' home with his  family by his side following a long and courageous battle with   AIDS.    He was born October  6, 1947 to Ralph LaVar  and Dixie Williams L Strong.    Vaughn graduated L from American Fork High  School. He attended L Utah Valley State College, LDS Business College, and Brigham L Young University. His L course of studies were  art and business administration. He was employed by Pacific Bar Association in Honolulu, Hawaii as an Administrative  Assistant. Hawaii was his second home. He will  be missed by his many friends and associates, who will be holding a memorial services in his honor in Honolulu on the same day as the services in Utah.    Vaughn enjoyed traveling, camping, hiking and nature. He had a love for music, and works of art. His talents include: piano, organ, trumpet, and art. He was a loving uncle to his nieces and nephews.    He is survived by his parents, Ralph LaVar and  Dixie Williams Strong, Alpine, Utah; his sister,  Claudette Strong Barratt (husband Stephen)  and their five children, Clint, Chad, Jody, Lori,  and Kirk Barratt, Highland, Utah; and his brother,  Todd Strong (wife Debra BArney Strong), Alpine,  Utah. He was preceded in death by his sister,  Paulette Strong Goodwin, and his four grand- parents. Funeral services will be held at 11 a.m.  Wednesday, December 15, at the Anderson &  Sons Mortuary, 49 East 100 North, in American  Fork. Friends may call one hour prior to services.  Burial will be at the Alpine City Cemetery. He will  be loved and missed by all.    Any donations received by the family will be  used for the needs and care of AIDS patients.  

12 December 1993 Sunday-

Michael Romero and I made love for most of the night. I love his long legs wrapped around me and he loves my beard and hairy chest.  We woke up at 5:30 this morning when a flash of lightning illuminated the bedroom followed by a loud crack of thunder. We were surprised to look out the window to see about six inches or more of snow fell during the night making everything frosted and sugar coated. We then went back to bed.

We began to stir at 9:00 this morning when I got up and fixed breakfast for us. Benjamin Anderson came over to join us for breakfast but James Connelley said he had already eaten earlier. I fixed friend potatoes, biscuits and gravy, and eggs.  I was very contented fixing breakfast for Michael and Benjamin.

            Benjamin said he met this fellow named Russell on the Man to Man sex phone line and he was coming over to go to the movies with us and Benjamin’s son Jared. However when Russell showed up, my alarm bells went off when I connected him with being Scott Spink’s old boyfriend who used to beat the shit out of Scott several years ago.  Benjamin and Russell were so lovey-dovey that I was in a quandary what to do.

            So I took Benjamin down to the laundry room where I had to tell him that Russell had beaten Scott so severely once that he ended up in the hospital. We left to all go down to Trolley Square to see “The Nightmare Before Christmas” and there, while alone, Benjamin and Russell talked and Russ admitted that he had a bad temper and that he had hit Scott. Benjamin then asked him to leave. I felt awful for Benjamin but I’d have felt worse if Russell would have hit him without me ever saying anything.

            Anyhow, while at Trolley Square the power went out and we didn’t get to see the movie so we all went over to the Crossroad Mall to look around at all the Christmas displays and shoppers. We then left there and went to Cahoots on 9^th and 9^th to buy a birthday card for Myrna. The snow was really wet and slushy.

            Later in the afternoon, Jared really wanted to go see "Nightmare Before Christmas" so we ended up going back to Trolley Square once the power was restored. I bought everyone’s tickets because Michael and Benjamin were dragging their feet about seeing the movie. However Michael really liked it once he saw it.

            After the show we all went to the Spaghetti Factory for dinner and who should see me there? Danielle McGuire, one of my students from Orchard. Ugh! Well at least I wasn’t kissy face with Michael. I hate, hate!, being closeted at work or worried that the rumor mill would work itself through the Mormon Ward that makes up where most of my students attend. It really did fluster me.

            After dinner we took Jared home to Holladay and we went over to Jim Dunker’s trailer off of Redwood and 8^th South to drop off the birthday card for Jim’s roommate Myrna and have a little cake and ice cream. While there we watched Bette Midler in the musical Gypsy playing on KSL Channel 5. What I saw of it was good.

            I was getting pretty depressed as the evening progressed knowing that Michael was going back to Wyoming. I didn’t want to be a boob but couldn’t help it.  Outside of my apartment at the Riviera, I began to cry. I just love him so much and don’t want to be separated from him at all! So Michael decided to spend the night and call in sick for tomorrow,

            In bed I told him everything will work out fine and I know I am asking a lot for him to give up his job security, but I am willing to give him a lot also. I want to marry him and he wants to marry me.  Wow this really happened fast but I do believe the Gay Spirit brought us together.

            Saturday night, Michael found out that my next door neighbor is Larry who was the guy with whom he had a four way before I really knew him on Thanksgiving night at Dunker’s.  Our lives were meant to be intertwined.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

 

·         THE SALT LAKE Men's Choir, under its new artistic director, Douglas Kinney, will perform this evening at 7 at Wasatch Presbyterian Church, 1626 S. 1700 East. With the theme "Christmas Comes Anew," the choir will offer music ranging from Beethoven and Vaughan Williams to Jule Style and Irving Berlin. Accompaniment will be by piano, organ, percussion and flute. Tickets are $10 from choir members or $12 at the door. For information call 485-2989

 

13 December 1993 Monday

I went back to work not feeling well at all. I have a just a bad head cold and not the flu. But I feel so worn down. I went to the Deseret Gym right after school and met Benjamin Anderson there. We only worked out for about a half an hour as we both weren’t feeling well.

            I was home by 5 this evening and Michael Romero and I went out to dinner before he had to leave to go back to Rock Springs. Before Michael and I went to dinner, Jeff Workman of all people called me. He wanted to come by tomorrow to pick up some things he had left. I said sure but I forgot that I have this faculty dinner thing tomorrow also.  I also heard from Chris Sorenson, the cute thing who said he wants to start working in the Stonewall Library come January.

        After dinner, I told Michael that because I was getting sick, that was one of the reasons my emotions are so watery. That was why I was weeping about him leaving yesterday. I told him that I need to learn patience and realize that things are unfolding as the Providence is directing and I need to learn to have some trust in the universe.

            Anyway Michael left for Rock Springs at 7 this evening but I will see him again Wednesday night. After he left Mom called me to visit. I told her I’d be in Arizona from the 23^rd until the 27^th for Christmas. She said Aunt Bonnie is in Arizona staying with my uncle and aunt Milton and Marie. Sounds like, everyone is okay from what I can gather. I told her that I met a “new friend” and that we are going to Seattle together this weekend.

            Well I was in bed by 8:30 this evening. The bedroom seemed so lonely without Michael in it. It is too much to ask him to relocate to Salt Lake and give up his economic security in Wyoming. But hopefully as soon as he can find a suitable job down here, he’ll move to Utah. I’ve got the "Christmas Play" blues. I ache all over.

 

14 December 1993 Tuesday

I felt worse and worse all day. The Christmas play from hell is taking its toll on me and I’m missing Michael Romero. After school Jeff Workman came by to pick up some computer games he left here. We visited some about him and Cary Ferrin and I told him about meeting Michael Romero. It seems things seem to be working out for us. I didn’t have any longing for Jeff. Michael has kicked him out of my heart. I can be happy for him and Cary now.

            Anyway, while talking to Benjamin Anderson, he said for me not to go to the faculty Christmas dinner if I wasn’t feeling well. I took his advice and stayed home and rested up for this Seattle trip this weekend. I’m glad he gave me that sound advice because I needed to hear someone give me permission to bag it. So I did. What’s $10 compared to my health? I called Michael tonight to tell him I didn’t go to the faculty dinner and I was in bed by 9 tonight.

 

15 December 1993 Wednesday

I felt like crap this morning but I dragged myself to school as I had to pull the black bulletin board paper down from the stage and get ready for my substitute as I am taking off the next two days.  Once at school I felt worse and told Mr. Stanger and the secretary Mrs. Unger that I had to have a substitute for today because I was too sick to stay at school. They had a hard time finding one but finally at 10 this morning, Mrs. Jeppson came and took over for me.

            So I left and went back to Salt Lake where I went to the post office, then withdrew money from the bank, and came back to the Riviera to do all my packing and housecleaning so I could just stay in bed until Michael Romero came down. He didn’t get here until a little after 10 tonight. I loved Jeff Workman, I really did, but not like this.

 

16 December 1993 Thursday

What a long, long day. Benjamin Anderson came over this morning to see us before Michael Romero and I left for our trip to Seattle.  He had a job interview so I dressed him in a suit and tie because he had looked so sloppy.  We all went to Bill and Nada’s Café for breakfast and from there off to the airport.

            It had snowed during the night and it was snowing when we left Salt Lake City. In fact we were about an hour late taking off as that the plane had to be de-iced. Anyway the flight was good and I was so happy just being with Michael even if the air pressure made the cold in my sinuses really hurt my head.

            Landing in Seattle, it was a cold 32 degrees and damp. I suppose  one gets use to it but the chill went right down into my bones. Patty McKee, the mother of Michael’s Aunt Alice’s ex-lover, met us at the airport to drive us to West Seattle where she has a condo on Alki Drive overlooking Puget Sound. It was very scenic and beautiful. Patty was very sweet and hospitable towards Michael and me by making us feel right at home. While waiting to be taken over to Michael’s aunt’s place, we walked down Alki Drive to the elementary school where Alice’s lover Judith Prince teaches.  We went and found Judith there to learn about all the arrangements for Alice’s surprise birthday party. She gave us a banner she was working on to finish which I did by coloring it in and drawing a few things on it.  We then left to eat some lunch at this fish and chips place called Spuds. I think. It was good almost like the fish I had in Boston. Walking back to Patty’s condo, however it got really cold with the wind coming off the water. I was concerned that I’d get sicker with my cold and I wanted to stay well for Michael’s sake,

            Anyhow we rode over with Patty to this rustic meeting hall where people were decorating the place. There were colored balloons, red and lavender crepe paper streamers, a huge cake and plenty of party foods, champagne, and booze. There was even a DJ for the music.

            It was a total surprise for Michael’s Aunt Alice’s 50^th birthday who really looked stunned when she walked into the room. When she saw Michael standing towards the back, her face lit up and I then was so glad I came to share this moment with him. I realized then, how loved Michael is and what solid people he comes from.

            The party lasted from 7 in the evening until 10 at night when we then tore the decorations down with everyone helping altogether.  It was a fun, high energy event, only I was still kind of feeling low with this cold.

            I met some really neat Seattle people, like Patty McKee and her daughter Cathleen McKee and her lover Chelli Kettring, Alice Romero and her lover Judith Prince, and Lee a faggot friend of Michael’s.  We all went back to Patty’s condo after the party where we watched Alice open all her birthday presents. I had bought her a box of See’s Chocolates not knowing what to get her. Someone at the party had made a neat video documentary for Alice of her party but actually seeing me on film made me depressed. When did I get so bald? And old? And fat?

            Michael and I went with Cathleen and Chelli to their place to spend the night as they had an extra room.  I was really insecure and kept asking Michael what he wanted with me, an old fat bald man when he’s so handsome. He just hugged me and told me to stop whining and he brought me back down to earth. I don’t know why Michael loves me. I am just terribly grateful that he does.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         (12/16/93 Page: B6 SLTribune) David Nelson Thacker, 26, of Nevada, has pleaded innocent to murdering 31-year-old Douglas C. Koehler, of South Salt Lake, outside a ParkWest condominium on Aug. 21.  A three-day trial was set to begin in 3^rd District Court on April 12. Mr. Thacker's roommate, 21-year-old Clint Crane, will be a key witness.  At an October preliminary hearing, Mr. Crane testified that he and Mr. Thacker met the victim in a bar, where they drank, played pool together and sniffed cocaine. Later, Mr. Thacker grabbed Mr. Crane's .22-caliber pistol and the two drove toward ParkWest, where the victim was staying. They caught up with him outside the condominium, where Mr. Thacker allegedly shot him in the head. Mr. Crane has been charged with obstructing  justice, but his case will not be adjudicated until after the trial.

 

17 December 1993 Friday

I feel like my whole life is topsy-turvy. I am in a strange bed, in a strange city with a man I hardly know and yet I feel so safe and secure. Alice Romero came over this morning and went with Chelli Kettring, Cathleen McKee, Michael Romero, and me out for breakfast. We went to this restaurant on Phinney Drive but I can’t remember the name of it although the food was great. The décor inside was all in a Holstein Cow theme and it was fun.

            Cathleen loaned us her car and Michael wanted to take me into Seattle to visit the Broadway Mall which is in the Gay section of the city. In the mall, it was funny but I came across James Bangerter, the ex lover of Jeremy who lives in the Riviera complex in Salt Lake. When I went into the men’s room to blow my nose from this cold, I hear this kid say “Ben is that you?” That was really coincidental that the one person I know who had moved to Seattle, I run into in the bathroom at the “Mall”.  Funny. James said he misses Salt Lake. We do have a sense of community here in Utah if nothing else.

            Anyway it was 3 in the afternoon when Michael and I were back on the road to drive down to the North Side Beach area of Aberdeen. Once outside of Seattle it was foggy and misty. On the drive down, I felt so married to Michael. So safe; so secure. I know I’d go anywhere with him. I would.

            It was after dark when we reached the beach cottage that the four Lesbians had rented. We ate dinner at a nearby restaurant and Michael and I went to bed at 10 tonight on a futon placed on the floor. We had a fire going in the Franklin Stove and so we were really cozy.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         B1 CATHOLIC BISHOP REVEALS 2 CASES OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT  UTAH CATHOLICS REVEAL 2 SEX-MISCONDUCT CASES Just months after an allegation against a former Ogden priest, Utah's Roman Catholic diocese revealed two other  sexual-misconduct allegations involving minors.   One involves a retired Utah priest who is being accused by a 27-year-old man who claims to have had an ongoing relationship with the cleric since he was a teen-ager. The other involves a lay volunteer at Salt Lake City's Cathedral of the Madeleine who was dismissed last September after allegations of past sex abuse surfaced.   Officials of the Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City discussed the cases with The Salt Lake Tribune Thursday. Bishop William K. Weigand addresses the incidents in a statement published in this week's diocesan newspaper, the Intermountain Catholic, which is being delivered today.   ``It is important that these accusations not be sensationalized by rumor and misinformation,'' said Bishop Weigand. ``Releasing the information myself is the only way I know to protect against these dangers.''   He said if unknown others have suffered abuse from someone connected with the diocese, ``I urge them to contact my delegate, Father Robert Bussen, at 328-8641.''  Father Bussen is the vicar general of the Salt Lake Diocese and as such is Bishop Weigand's chief administrator.   One case involves the Rev. Lawrence M. Spellen, who served 34 years as a priest at seven Utah parishes and for a few years as a teacher at Judge Memorial Catholic High School in Salt Lake City before his retirement in 1987. The relationship with the man, who alleges it began when he was a minor, came during the five-year period when Father Spellen was pastor of Salt Lake City's St. Patrick's Parish during the mid-80s. Bishop Weigand said the 76-year-old Father Spellen told him last summer he was being privately accused of sexual misconduct in a relationship ``that purportedly involved a minor many years ago.''  When the diocese's preliminary investigation showed the allegations had some foundation, diocesan officials reacted immediately.  ``Father Spellen was placed on canonical suspension, which removes him from any liturgical capacity within the church, including his permission to celebrate Mass and the sacraments,'' Bishop Weigand said.   In late October, a 27-year-old man visited Father Bussen, reporting  his relationship with Father Spellen. The man said it was continuing, but that he was trying to break it off. Father Bussen offered to arrange psychological care, which the man accepted. In early November, Bishop Weigand said a lawyer representing the young man verbally contacted the diocese and asked for money. He said the diocese reiterated its commitment to providing the man counseling, but did not respond to the request. On Nov. 30, Bishop Weigand said the diocese received a letter from the attorney stating that ``if we did not provide immediate and substantial cash settlement, a civil lawsuit would be filed against Father Spellen and the diocese.''   Father Spellen's attorney, John Green of Salt Lake City,  said neither he, Father Spellen nor the priest's California lawyer, John O'Brien, would comment about the case.   In the case of the lay volunteer at the Cathedral of the Madeleine, ``[he] was immediately relieved of his services,'' said Bishop Weigand. The diocese refused to name the volunteer. Father Bussen told The Tribune that the volunteer had not been involved in youth ministries.  Last September, a man in his mid-20s reported to Father Bussen that he was abused by the layman 15 years before. He said he knew of other victims and talked with two others, who subsequently visited diocesan officials with him to discuss their cases. Father Bussen said the three, in their 20s, currently are receiving professional counseling. They are not threatening the diocese with a civil lawsuit, he said.   ``The lay volunteer used his position to get to young people,'' said Father Bussen.   The cases -- and the Ogden case in which a retired priest was accused of fondling a 14-year-old boy in 1989 -- are the first sexual-misconduct incidents to be reported in the Utah diocese within his memory, said Father Bussen.

 

18 December 1993  Saturday

            This morning Michael Romero and I went walking along the beach on a gray overcast day. It was strangely serene to be at the Pacific Ocean again when just days before I was in the Rocky Mountains. We ate a good breakfast at this rustic hippie café and then went for a drive to see the seals on the beach. I don’t have a clue after that where we went because it was all unfamiliar and new to me. 

            During part of the day, Michael and I went into the sauna where I finally was able to get warm as the beach air was so damp. I curled up with him and felt so happy and secure there. Michael and I have developed a code word for “I love you” when we are out in public. It’s “Olive Oil” because it looks like "I love you" especially when you lip sync by just mouthing it. We decided to buy some groceries rather than eating out and have a barbeque at the Beach Cottage. I had a salmon steak while the others had a beef steak. We all shared a crusty Italian loaf of bread, a Caesar Salad and wine while we sat around playing "get to know you" games. We shared what our favorite colors, seasons, movies and other things were.

            I really like Michael’s family and friends and I know he loves them very much. It felt so right being in love with Michael, him basking in the love of his friends and family . I wanted to cry because I am so happy and content.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·   EX-THERAPIST FACES PRISON IN SEX ABUSE OF S.L. BOY AFTERVIOLATING COURT ORDER Byline: By Stephen Hunt THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE     Despite a court order against unsupervised contact with juveniles, a former Salt Lake City therapist has been counseling teen-age boys in California.   Therapist Richard S. Swart will be sentenced in Utah next month for sexually abusing a 14-year-old male patient in1990.   In northern California, psychologist William J. Shryer said Swart worked for him at his Bay Area office from August to Dec. 10. That was the day Swart pleaded guilty in Utah's 3rd District Court to two counts of second-degree felony forcible sexual abuse.   Mr. Shryer said he terminated Swart as soon as he learned the man was involved in sexual abuse.   Sentencing is set for Jan. 21 before Judge Leslie A. Lewis in Salt Lake City. Swart could not be reached for comment.   ``I knew there was something hanging over him in Utah, but he made it sound like a malpractice suit,'' Mr. Shryer said in a telephone interview on Friday.   Because Swart was counseling teens on his own, as well as for Mr. Shryer, it is unclear how many children he was seeing, Mr. Shryer said.    The psychologist said he knows of no misconduct by Swart, but the parents of boys he counseled are upset. ``The parents are devastated,'' Mr. Shryer said.   Deputy Salt Lake County Attorney James Cope was surprised to learn Swart was counseling teens. ``I knew he was working in California, but I thought it was something to do with personal services,'' he said.   Swart got into trouble three years ago, while working as a therapist for Psychological Associates, 77 S. 700 East, Salt Lake City.   He sexually abused a male patient during a dozen therapy sessions. But because of death threats, the boy did not tell his parents about the incidents for nearly two years, prosecutors said.   Meanwhile, Swart's employers learned he had molested another teen-age male patient. Swart left town in November1990 and moved to California, according to a civil suit filed against him on behalf of the boy.   In California, Swart worked for a San Francisco psychiatric hospital, rising to the job of director of social services, Mr. Shryer said. He also worked as a contract therapist for a mental-health group, before coming to Mr. Shryer for a job.   ``He had great recommendations,'' Mr. Shryer said. ``He established many programs for gifted kids. His work was exemplary.''   Mr. Shryer described Swart as ``a brainy, nerd like character'' who was expert in the field of ``gifted and talented'' teen-age boys.   ``He was gifted himself,'' Mr. Shryer said, adding that Swart earned a master's degree in social work at the age of 22.   Meantime, Mr. Shryer said he has asked California authorities to investigate Swart for allegedly stealing $6,000 from the office. ``We found out he was having some clients pay him directly,'' Mr. Shryer claimed.

19 December 1993 Sunday

I woke up early again, wrapped in my lover’s arms and then was up to start a fire in the cottage to take the chill off the place. We had to leave by 7:30 this morning to catch our flight back to Salt Lake so we said our goodbyes to “Aunt” Alice Romero and was on our way back to Seattle on a gray wintry morning. We stopped at a mall near the airport where Michael Romero had his "latte". He sure loves his coffee and Seattle is a coffee drinking city. Every place has an espresso machine. Anyway we had no trouble with catching our flight out at 11:39 this morning and we were back in Salt Lake City by 2:15 in the afternoon.  What a wild and lovely time we had. It was a honeymoon no doubt. My heart bonded with his heart and he with mine. I was exhausted however with this cold I have and sleeping in so many strange beds this weekend.

            Benjamin Anderson was at my place when we came home and was glad to see us. Michael left at 5 this afternoon because he had to go see Jim Dunker before going to Wyoming.  He also gave Benjamin a ride back to his place. I was really melancholy that Michael had to leave to back to Rock Springs after we had been together so much. I didn’t want to cry and make it harder his leaving, but I did. I couldn’t help it.  When Benjamin came back over later to spend the night on the couch, he told me that Michael had a tear in his eye when he left me.

            Anyway Benjamin and I talked about his moving in with me here at the Riviera come February as his landlord is raising his rent by $75 a month. That is pure greed because, they know they can. They might as well put a gun to you and say “Stick ‘em up.”

 

20 December 1993 Monday

James Connelley, Benjamin Anderson, and I were all up this morning before going to work, gabbing and moaning about having to go into work. It was kind of fun and silly. I really didn’t want to go to Orchard but I had to because we have to rehearse the Christmas Play. That is all we did all day at school so the time went pretty fast. I had to stay late to make sure the stage was set up just the way I wanted it.

Benjamin came over tonight to keep me company. He said his ex wife was being a butt about his son Jared coming over here because we are all Gay even though he wants to be here. Her husband who is a judge told her to back off and let Jared make his own decision to come over or not. I guess she freaked out when Jared talked about me and Michael Romero as “Aunt Bee and Uncle Michael.”  Anyhow I called Michael at 8:30 this evening. I was just missing him so damn much. I think he was lonesome too.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·       Darrell Bruce Durrant, died December 20, 1993, he fought a courageous battle against AIDS. Survived by mother, three sisters, a brother, a grandfather, two grandmothers, and his companion.  We wish to express our appreciation to Dr. Reis and Continuity of Care Staff, Maggie Snyder, Bonnie, Susan, Leeann and to the Doxey Hatch staff. Private memorial services will be held.

 

21 December 1993 Tuesday

Today is the Winter Solstice and the premier of our Christmas play. The play went off without much of a hitch. The morning showing was for the lower grades but as the day went on in the afternoon it became hell backstage. The Hyatt twins were being fussy and crying. Robert Hansen was being his sociopathic self and then Mrs. Martin was giving the children “options” that was screwing them up with their scenes. I was a mess as I was totally in charge of getting everyone on stage, moving the sets, and doing the lights while Mrs. Day and Mrs. George just stand with the kids.

            Well when I left at in the afternoon I had a little mutiny on my hands with Devon Hyatt, but it did all work out okay. Benjamin Anderson came to the evening performance for the parents to give me moral support. It made the event so much more fun with Benjamin able to see what I really do and I was able to vent my frustrations with him. Well the parents loved it and we actually did it for them but it is my last play unless I do it myself with my own class. Elyane Day takes all the credit while I do all the work. 

            Anyhow when it was all over, it was like a ton of bricks were lifted off my shoulders. I was so grateful that it was over. It was a lot of work keeping nearly 90 kids behaved long enough to practice the singing and dancing and of course I was in charge of set design, the lights, and everything that goes on back stage.

            Benjamin came home with me to spend the night. I called Michael Romero in Rock Springs and he said things weren’t going well at his work and that he was going to give his notice the first of January and move down here to Salt Lake City in February. I was sorry that work was giving him fits but happy that he wanted to move to Utah. So if things continue as they seem to be going between us there will be four people living at my place here at the Riviera come February. What a life!

 

22 December 1993 Wednesday

I spent most of the day showing movies to my class. What else could I do? I couldn’t do any school work with the kids hyper and having any continuity in any assignments after finishing the holiday play. There is so much to do before I leave tomorrow. that I feel immobilized. I am so grateful that the play is over. That was a major headache that I will never do again.

            I really don’t want to go to Arizona. I want to stay here with Michael Romero. It seems odd to be heading south when my lover is north. Isn’t Christmas supposed to be the time when you are with the person you most love the most in the world? I certainly love Michael more than anyone else. James Connelley and Benjamin Anderson helped me put together all my little Christmas gift bags of treats for my students.

 

23 December 1993 Thursday

Most of the morning was taken up with a school wide Christmas sing-along but by 1:05 in the afternoon it was over and we were allowed to leave for Winter Break. At the Riviera it seemed so unreal that I was leaving tonight for Arizona and I was so exhausted from keeping the kids from going bonkers that I didn’t really clean the place. I gave most of the candy crap I received from the kids  to Benjamin Anderson to give to his son Jared for Christmas.

            Benjamin and I ate dinner then I packed a small bag for my trip. At 8:30 this evening he took me to the airport and I just had him drop me off and not stay with me. I really did not feel like leaving Salt Lake City. It especially seemed odd to be at the airport again when just last week I was here with Michael Romero flying to Seattle.

            For some reason my seat was not confirmed so I ended up flying first class. That was a novelty but I’d just as soon have been in the plebian seats.  The flight was uneventful and I was in Phoenix at 11 at night but when debarking no one was there to greet me at the gate. Figuring Mom and Dad were delayed, I just sat at the gate and waited and waited. If I could have cashed my ticket in for a return flight I would have but finally I saw Dad waking towards the men’s room and caught up with him. Mom and he were waiting at the Morris Airline gate instead if the Delta gate. Mom had it all mixed up. Anyway, after having waited 40 minutes, all was well that ended well. We drove back to Cottonwood which was about a two hour ride.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Page: B3 CATHOLICS PAY TO SETTLE SEXUAL-MISCONDUCT CHARGES Byline: By Peter Scarlet THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE    A young man who made sexual-misconduct charges against a retired priest will receive $6,000 as part of a settlement with the Roman Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City.   The Very Rev. Robert Bussen, vicar general of Utah's diocese, said the man's allegations -- and his threat to file a lawsuit against the diocese -- have been resolved.   In a terse statement read Wednesday by Mary Mayo, the diocese's part-time communications director, Father Bussen said the accord has three stipulations:   ``Ongoing psychological counseling, $6,000 for temporal needs or expenses, and a disputed loan between [the Rev. Lawrence M.] Spellen and the victim that was resolved.''   Father Bussen did not indicate how long the diocese would pay for the 27-year-old man's therapy or discuss the disputed loan.   Just last week, the diocese publicly announced the allegations against Father Spellen, as well as others against a lay volunteer at Salt Lake City's Cathedral of the Madeleine who was dismissed last fall when sexual allegations against him surfaced.   In the case involving Father Spellen, Bishop William K. Weigand said the young man claimed to have had an ongoing sexual relationship with Father Spellen, who served as a pastor at seven Utah parishes and a teacher at Judge Memorial Catholic High School in Salt Lake City before his retirement in 1987. The allegations date to the 1982-87period when he was pastor of St. Patrick's Parish in Salt Lake City.   The diocese first heard about the allegations last summer when the 76-year-old priest told Bishop Weigand he was being privately accused of sexual misconduct. Father Spellen's prerogatives to perform priestly functions were suspended after preliminary investigations.  In October, the young man visited Father Bussen, who offered to provide psychological help. On Nov. 30, the young man’s lawyer threatened to sue the diocese unless his client was provided a substantial cash payment, said Bishop Weigand.   The case against the former lay volunteer at the cathedral came to light in September when a man in his mid-20s reported he was abused by the layman 15 years ago, said Father Bussen. Two others, who also claimed to be abused byte layman, subsequently visited the Catholic official.   Father Bussen said the three are now receiving counseling and none of them has threatened any lawsuits.

 

24 December 1993 Friday Christmas Eve

I slept in this morning as I was still tired and keyed up from yesterday. I also had a sinus headache. I visited with Mom and Dad a little and it is good to see them again. My sister and brother in law and their kids came in the afternoon. Charline and Dennis Wachs brought Denise and her new husband Aaron Ferguson  as well as Michael Wachs.

            We then all went over to my Uncle and Aunt, Milton and Marie in Sedona. They had prepared a huge spread with pots of Grandpa Williams' recipe for Texas Chili, Beef Stew, cornbread, biscuits, and pies galore. Milton looked well but I guess you can’t tell he has cancer by just looking at him. My Aunt Bonnie Fagan is staying with Milton and Marie for a little while. She does not look well at all. She looks older than dad even though she is six years younger. She’s in really poor health too.  The Church of Christ minister and his family was over too.

            Well next year I’m bringing Michael Romero home with me or I’m not coming so they all better get used to the idea. It was a fun evening, except my heart was really in Wyoming.

            I talked to Denise and Michael about getting back into school and even going to work of the campus at Flagstaff for tuition breaks. Dad was tired and wanted to leave at 8:30 this evening so we all left about then.

 

25 December 1993 Saturday Christmas

Well we had a big turkey dinner for Christmas and it was really yummy. However I am so stuffed from eating candy and sweets and other Christmas goodies. Ugh. I called Michael Romero at 8 this morning. I needed to hear his sweet voice on Christmas day.

            My Uncle and Aunt Milton and Marie Williams came over for dinner with Aunt Bonnie Fagan who has been staying with them in Sedona for a visit now that she is a widow. It was so nice outside, 70 degrees so we all sat outside as it was such a beautiful day. I even gave Aunt Marie a back massage because she was hurting so much from doing too much work yesterday.

            My cousin Stephanie came in from California at 6 this evening with her son Steven Haag. It was so good to see her again. However surrounded by family I kept thinking about how much I want to be home in Salt Lake City. I called Benjamin Anderson and he said he’s having a hard time being alone on Christmas Day because Jared was with his mom and step dad..

 

26 December 1993 Sunday

I had a horrible, simply horrible, sinus infection today. I guess the cold I had,  backed up into the sinus cavity above my left eye. God does it hurt.  Mom and Dad went to Church this morning while Charline and Dennis drove my nephew Michael Wachs back to Flagstaff.  I just went back to bed and suffered. Mom had some antibiotics which I took and they seemed to have helped with the infection but I spent most of the day suffering. Really suffering. I think the dry Arizona air dried me up when I needed to be blowing my nose. I just want to be home in my own bed.

             I was in so much pain today that nothing much else mattered. It’s good to see family and all but I miss my Gay family in Utah. If I knew I would be so in love with someone during the holidays I would not have stayed this long. It’s just like down time being here in Arizona when my life is in Utah. I’ve gotten all my visiting out of the way so now I am just putting in my time. Michael Romero called me on his way home from Rawlins to Rock Springs. I guess he had a pretty miserable Christmas  being home too.

            Well let’s see, my cousin Larry Fagan is stationed in Guam with his Pilipino wife. He will be out of the Navy in about two years when he will have twenty years in. My cousin Gary Williams is living in Huntington Beach with his own mechanic business. Both Larry and Gary have sons who should be teenagers or even college age now. Each one had a boy. My cousin Stephanie is still trying to get custody if her son Steven Hagg but because of some past drug problems the court won’t let her. My niece Denise Ferguson blew me away by disclosing to me that she has a felony on her record like my nephew James Clark for drug procession. That is why she moved to Arizona to put all that bad influence behind her. I told her that her conviction would squelch any hope of working for the Forest Service but she might still try. She also said she might become a veterinarian because of her love of animals.  

 

27 December 1993 Monday

It was a disoriented day for me. I’m in Arizona in the morning and in Utah in the evening. I feel better than yesterday but I’m still not all that well. I just rested in Arizona and said my goodbyes to Mom and Dad. I wrote a $100 check for Mom and Dad for Christmas as I hadn’t a clue to what to get them and I gave my Aunt Bonnie Fagan $50 in cash as she’s pretty destitute. The Social Security wants $300 back from Bill Fagan’s estate as an over payment. Vultures.

            Anyhow, Charline and Dennis drove me down to the Sky Harbor airport in Phoenix about noon even though my flight wasn’t until 3:30 in the afternoon. I sat and watched some guys cruising the men’s room between flights for quickies, I suppose. It was funny. I just wanted to get home to Michael Romero.

            Benjamin Anderson was at the airport to pick me up along with his friend Steven from Denver who had flown in just this morning and was flying home tonight. I guess Benjamin just wasn’t interested or turned on by him. I thought he seemed okay but Benjamin said this nut said he loved him and wanted to move to Salt Lake City to be with him. That is kind of sudden even by my standards.

            We came back to the Riviera where I cleaned the place while Benjamin took Steven out to dinner before bringing him back to the airport. I called Michael to let him know I was back in Salt Lake and told him I’d be in Rock Springs tomorrow. He had gone to the movies with some of his friends and saw “Mrs. Doubtfire” with Robin Williams in old lady drag.

            There’s so much to do before leaving tomorrow but what I don’t get done, tough. I want to be with Michael. I need to be with Michael. I love his name. Michael, Michael, Michael.

 

28 December 1993 Tuesday

James Connelley told me this morning that he had bronchitis over the holidays and the doctor said that living with a cat is probably not helping any, so he’s probably going to have to move. He doesn’t want to but he doesn’t have much choice due to his allergies. In my heart I was kind of glad because with Benjamin Anderson moving in, it won’t be so crowded. James has been a great roommate, although.

            I was antsy to get on the road today and I left Salt Lake at 2 this afternoon before actually getting everything done I needed to do. But I was longing to be with Michael Romero again and who knows how long it will be before I can see him again after Winter Break.

            It was gloomy with Salt Lake City under an inversion so I was actually glad to be leaving the city. The fog and smog didn’t lift either until I was well on the other side of Park City.

            The drive was beautiful and without incident but it sure seemed longer now that I have driven it, and it makes me worry about Michael driving back and forth now. I remember how Mike Casey was killed in a head on coming down from Casper in good weather.

            Anyway I reached Rock Springs at 5 this afternoon and met Michael in the Denny’s parking lot. It was so wonderful being with him again. We went to this Chinese place and had some soup and rice. Afterwards I spent the evening at his apartment making love and sleeping in each other’s arms. It was good to be on his turf as I feel like I need to be in his world so I can assimilate into it better and become one with him more. I do love this sweet man.

 

29 December 1993 Wednesday

I slept a little after Michael Romero left for work and then later went shopping. I bought groceries to make a spaghetti dinner for us. I mostly spent my day correcting papers and then entering them into my grade book while Michael was at work.

            Rock Springs, Wyoming is a very dismal windswept place. There are little natural trees and it’s kind of a trashy boom town. When Michael came home from work he was resolved to quit his job at Great Western Autoplex because they made him a manager which he didn’t want to do. He is so stressed out at work and I think he’s grateful that I am here for him during this stressful time. He said he’s going to quit Friday and move to Salt Lake City to be with me. I am so excited. I can hardly believe that it is all flowing together like it should. 

            We sat on the floor and ate a dinner of wine and a salad with Spaghetti and garlic bread. I read to Michael one of my favorite poems, “The Love Poem of J Alfred Prufrock” by T.S. Elliott. I love lying in his arms. It’s funny I didn’t think I could be so happy with someone after Jeff Workman left me but here I am. It’s a matter of trusting in the greatness and goodness of Providence who is bringing good and great things to me in her own wisdom.

            So Michael is quitting and moving to Salt Lake City. Benjamin Anderson called me to tell me that James Connelley is moving out of my place at the Riviera on the first of January for sure.

 

30 December 1993 Thursday 

I spent much of today packing up Michael Romero’s belongings and moving everything out into the living room to concentrate it all together in one area. I want to be as much help as possible to Michael because he’ll probably lose his $200 deposit for not being able to give his 30 days notice that he’s moving. I packed away his dishes but actually he had been living like he never unpacked. Most of his things were in boxes already and he has very little furniture.

            When Michael came home for lunch, he canceled his electricity and called to disconnect his phone. I washed my truck after he went back to work because it was filthy from road salt and dirt. I returned his post office box key and did a change of address for him while I was there.

            When he came home from work, we finished eating the spaghetti.  Michael said he told some of his co-workers that he was quitting. They didn’t want him to leave but understood that he wasn’t happy there any longer.

Later two of his Wyoming friends, Kenny and Jeff dropped by to visit. Michael told them about his getting ready to leave Rock Springs for Salt Lake City. They wanted us to go out to have a bite to eat with them so we went back to this Chinese place. Michael and I just had ice cream since we had already eaten. Both Kenny and Jeff were very fun, young and real screamers.  With all the Wyoming Rednecks surrounding us, I wondered if it was wise to be so flamboyant but we were anyway and had fun.

            I was tired from the packing and moving I did but my love for Michael is a strong motivator to keep this old body moving.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Jean Paul Lenoir, 46, died  at Eisenhower Hospital in Rancho Mirage, California, where he had been during a lengthy illness. A Native of France A resident of Salt Lake City for ten years, and former longtime resident of Palm Springs and Palm Desert, California,  In 1958, the family immigrated to Salt Lake City, where Jean Paul graduated from East High School, Class of 1966. He served in the United States Army and at his return home he worked for the National Guard in Salt Lake City. Then he moved to Los Angeles where he worked for Blue Cross-Blue Shield for a few years. He moved to Palm Desert, where he was a chef for the Marriott's Desert Springs and Resort at the time of his death. Survived by his lifetime friend, Lloyd Wright,

·         Salt Lake Tribune Local Page: D1   NOT ALL PUBLICITY OF GAY SKI WEEK DRAWING PRAISE AD OF NUDE MAN PROMOTING GAY SKI WEEK IN PARK CITY IS NOT AMUSING TO LESBIANS Byline: By Lili Wright THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE It's not your typical Utah landscape. The ad for Park City's upcoming Gay Ski Week depicts a nude man, his muscle-bound body buffed to perfection, napping on granite rocks. The great outdoorsman remembered to shield his genitals but forgot to bring skis. And there's no snow in sight.    The caption reads: ``Get your piece of the ROCKies.'' But some lesbians, such as Salt Lake City businesswoman Joyce Eden, aren't laughing. The ad reinforces stereotypes that being homosexual is primarily about sex, and that gay men think of little else, says Ms. Eden. And while the ski event is intended for men and women, the dozing hunk has little appeal to lesbians.    ``It sucks,'' says Ms. Eden, a member of the Gay and Lesbian Business and Professional Alliance. ``I don't like it at all. It's trashy. It's tasteless. It has nothing to do with skiing.''  Produced by a California-based Pride Productions, the ad appears on promotional cards and posters from New York to San Francisco, and in magazines like Out, Genre and The Advocate.    Promoter Peter Siderius has a simple explanation. ``In our culture, and anybody's, sex sells,'' says Mr. Siderius reached in his gym in West Hollywood. ``It's not intended to speak to my promiscuity. It speaks to, `There's a cute man -- what's that all about.' '' Mr. Siderius is hoping that Utah can attract skiers who no longer want to patronize Aspen, host of a gay ski week for 16 years. Last year, a nationwide boycott of Colorado was launched to protest passage of Amendment 2, which outlawed gay-rights laws. The amendment was struck down earlier this month as unconstitutional and Aspen will once again hold its annual event.   Meanwhile, a cottage industry of competing packages has emerged. Lake Tahoe is holding its own gay ski week. As is British Columbia.    In fact, the gay travel business in general is booming. Where there once was only Fire Island, N.Y.; Provincetown, Mass. and Key West, Fla., there now are many destinations marketed to gays and lesbians -- from Club Med to cruises.   Now Utah is getting in the act.   A thousand skiers are expected to descend on Park City from Jan.15 to 22. Winterfest '94events include a rave dance party, disco night, Sundance movies and ski races.   Park City welcomes the business.   ``Anyone is welcome to visit here,'' says Joan Calder, director of Park City's Chamber/Bureau, who says the average skier spends $200 a day. ``Sexual preference] is not an issue here.''   The only backlash to date, Ms. Calder says, came from Wyoming-based Mountain West Farm Bureau Mutual Insurance Company. The group canceled its Park City reservations, claiming the resort promoted ``repugnant'' lifestyles.   As for the ad, Ms. Calder figures the promoters know their audience.   But Brent Benaschak, a Canadian ski promoter, says some gay men are turned off by flesh shots. His ad for Whistler Gay Ski Week in British Columbia shows two smiling men, in ski clothes, with snowy peaks in the background. One man has his arm around the other.   ``[Our customers] are a little more sophisticated than just coming for sex,'' says Mr. Benaschak. ``You don't have to travel for that.''   University of Utah professor Debra Burrington says the photograph has a sensuous appeal, but is typical of how mass media either prostitute women or ignore them.   Besides, she adds: ``At least they could get the mountains right.''

 

31 December 1993 Friday New Yeats Eve

I cleaned this morning and Michael Romero then came home from work at noon and did not go back. He handed in his keys and resignation letter that we typed up last night and that was that. He was under an incredible amount of stress last night and now it’s been lifted. We bought some items to make Nachos and some frozen pizzas since we didn’t want to go out being that it was New Year’s Eve. We rented four movies but ended up only watching two of them; “The Bad Seed” and "Cyrano de Bergerac". Actually Michael fell asleep about 10:30 tonight. He was so tired. I watched the rest of Cyrano de Bergerac which ended at 11:45. I then just curled up into Michael’s arms and went to sleep myself. We brought in the New Year sleeping soundly in each other’s arms.

            So thus ends 1993; another very unusual year. It started out with so many tears and heartaches. Jeff Workman was leaving me and I was leaving the LaFrance apartments. I started the Pillar Newspaper in February and was hurt deeply by those I trusted the most. I walked away from my Faerie past in May and set my course onto if not better, newer paths. I became the director of the Stonewall Library in June and was dedicated to its removal  and set up at the new location of the Utah Stonewall Center for the next six months. I went to Boston and New York City in July and August where I saw “Angels In America” on Broadway which was wonderful. I was sad to learn that John Reeves is HIV positive and my long time friend James Connelley moved in with me last October. I taught a nine week Unites States History class in the fall. And on the 27^th of November I met Michael Ray Romero my future lover. Benjamin Anderson and I became close friends during the fall and my life’s journey has ended on a happy note.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

Kevin Nollenburg Executive Director of the People With AIDS Coalition.-

The Journal moved from 1600 Wall Street to 27^th and Wall and changed the name of the bar to The Brass Rail 

During 1993, 247 cases of AIDS in Utah were confirmed and 103 died of the disease during the year.