Winter First Quarter Journal 1973 January-March President Nixon's 2nd Term

 

My JOURNAL from 1973 when I was 21 and 22 years old

Journal 1973

Preface

At the beginning of 1973 I was a 21-year-old college student living at home with my parents working at Juanito’s Market and Convenient Store in Garden Grove as a cashier clerk. I was attending classes at Cal State Fullerton University but had applied for admission to Brigham Young University to get away from California and its sexual temptations. I think also I needed to leave because every place reminded me of John Cunningham, a boy I fell in love with in high school.

            Seven months earlier in May 1972, I had joined the Mormon Church. This life altering decision was prompted by many reasons but mainly from the confusion and shame I felt over my burgeoning homosexuality.  Also, my youthful world seemed to have had no meaning for me without John Cunningham in it. I was totally in love with John Cunningham and devastated that he did not love me back.

In the summer of 1970, I was heartbroken by John’s rejection of my declaration of my love for him, beyond my being simply his best friend.  I was in a tail spin, schooling, work, and other friendships meant nothing to me. I tried to find solace in the loss of this intense first love by turning to the comfort of my childhood religion which was the Church of Christ. I believed, as many did back then, that my homosexual feelings was just a phase; that if I turned my will over to “God”, I could rid myself of these feelings; feelings which had brought me nothing but deep heartache, isolation, and melancholy so far in my young life.

In the early 1970’s, on college campuses throughout Southern California, there was a minor religious revival among Orange County youth who were disillusioned with the Vietnam War, the New Left politics, and the failed Hippie “Age of Aquarius” experiment. This “Jesus Movement” was “restorationist” in nature in that it sought a return to the original life of the early Christians, often by living in religious communes and cults.

            This religious awakening in Southern California gave rise to the youth movement known as the “Jesus Freaks” that found a home on campuses. They were disparagingly called Jesus Freaks for their “self-righteous in your face” aggrandizement of their “Born Again” experience which was conveyed by their obnoxious proselytizing. They would ask perfect strangers “have you been saved?”

The largest organized evangelical movements in Southern California were the Hare Krishna’s, Campus Crusade for Christ, the Children of God, and the Shiloh Youth Revival Centers or “Miracle Houses”. The Children of God and the Shiloh Jesus People were both cults that originated in Orange County, where I grew up.  They would often show up on campus and play Gospel rock and roll music to large crowds. I attended a few of them while attending Cypress College. The 1970’s youth music industry also contributed to this movement with pop songs such as “Spirit in the Sky”, “Put Your Hand in the Hand”, and “Are You Ready?”

 “Are you ready to sit by his throne? Are you ready not to be alone? Someone's coming to take you home and if you're ready then he'll carry you home.”  I was more than ready.

In the summer of 1971, while visiting my Grandparent’s farm in West Texas, I had an epiphany or a religious experience wherein I felt I was to devote my life to a spiritual calling of serving God. If I could not have John Cunningham to love, I would turn that love to a love of God. Eventually this religious experience, by a series of related events, led me to the Mormon Church.

I met my first Mormons at Cypress College in 1970 and while I thought what they believed was odd, I was attracted to their sense of belonging and community. After a series of investigations while attending Cal-State Fullerton I came to believe that Mormonism was the correct “restoration” theology and closest to how I was raised as a member of the Church of Christ. I believed that Mormonism would redeem me from my “sinful ways” which were always sins of the flesh.  This need for ‘redemption’ was partly due because in 1971 I had tried to come out as Gay by joined the Gay Student Union at Cal State Fullerton. Once I had told friends that  I was Gay, I was abandoned by those friends, eventually kicked out of the dorms,  and felt totally isolated. I remember coming home once and finding my mother in her bedroom, I went and just cried and cried in her arms. She was so worried and kept asking what was wrong. How could I tell her that I was a fairy?

Once I set my path on Mormonism, as with any true believing convert, I was a fanatic, in part to prove to all my family and friends that they were wrong about me having joined a cult. I had to prove that I hadn’t gone off the deep end, which of course I had.  Mormon’s peculiarity actually was what attracted the Gnostic in me. Secret Mysteries, Golden Plates, Revelations, Angels, and Apostles, it swept me up as would the game “Chainmail”, which was popular and later became Dungeons and Dragons,  would for my secular friends.

JANUARY

1 January 1973  Monday

I slept in having had to work yesterday night. In the afternoon I went to Juanito’s store and picked up my check from my boss John. I cleared $85 so I gave Mom enough money to make two car payments on my Ford Pinto, where then I’m paid up until April. I only have to worry about my car insurance which is $43 a month! I still don’t know for sure whether I’ll go to the Y or not because I can’t figure out whether they’re on the quarter system or the semester system.

            In the evening I went over to the Golden West Edward Cinema in Westminster  and saw the movie “Deliverance”.  John Cunningham had wanted me to see it.  Laura Edmonson called today, and we talked for a long time. I guess she is going to find a new roommate for this summer because Janet is going home. Besides I heard from Richard Ventura that they weren’t getting a long anyway. They live at 2905 East Ruby in Apartment B which is just on the other side of the 57 Freeway near Nutwood and Placentia.

Phyllis Lewis and Dave Gubser have broken up for some reason. I guess I’ll probably never know why. Life goes on.  KHJ posted the top ten songs from 1972. They are:

10.  I’ll Be Around by the Spinners

9. Slipping into Darkness

8.  Brandy by Looking Glass

7. I am Woman by Helen Reddy

6. First Time I Ever Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack

5. I’ll Take You There by Staple Singers

4. Black and White by Three Dog Night

3. Can’t Live by Harry Nilsson

2. I can See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash

1. Alone Again Naturally by Gilbert O’Sullivan

Additional Memoirs

John Cunningham had just previously, in December, joined the Air Force rather than be drafted as he had lost his student deferment. I never saw him again nor heard from him until some 12 years later. Laura Edmundson was a very sweet but very obese girl that I had met when I lived in the dormitory at Cal State Fullerton and was part of the liberal gang I hung out with. I was very kind to her, and she mistook my kindness for affection and had a serious crush on me.  I later heard a cruel joke that asked Why did God create faggots? So fat girls would have someone to dance with.” There’s some truth to that. Dave Gubser and Phyllis Lewis were part of a Gay crowd I had hung out with at Cal State Fullerton

2 January 1973 Tuesday

I was up too late to attend classes at Cal-State Fullerton so  instead I went to both the Cypress and Fullerton Institutes of Religion to find out what is exactly going on at BYU. I found out from Sister Neville that BYU is not on a quarter system but rather a “Tri-Semester” system that is longer than a quarter but shorter than a regular semester. She said that was so kids could have three semesters in a year and graduate in three years if you wanted to. I think it was device to accommodate Mormons who leave to go on missions for 2 years in the middle of their college years.

            I decided if it be God’s will, I will do my best to go to BYU for their Winter Semester and when it ends in April, go to work full time until the fall. This way I’ll be able to graduate within a year rather than a year and a half from now.

            I deposited my paycheck of $86.60 into Great Western in Buena Park today  which brought me up to $882.60 in my account  but later I had to go back and $14.95  to pay some bills.

            I spent most of the night staying up and finished compiling the Gospel of St. Peter after writing 30 more pages. I finished it all except for grammatical errors that occurred by my only having to be my own scribe.

Additional Memoirs

BYU’s Winter Semester over lapped Cal State Fullerton’s Fall Semester by about two weeks. My intentions were to go to BYU, register for classes, make a quick turnaround to come back and take my finals at Fullerton but I was unable to do so.  I lost all my senior year credits at Fullerton as incompletes. If I would have stayed at Fullerton I would have graduated in June 1973. 

The Gospel of St. Peter was a Gnostic Text that came to me after having joined the Mormon Church as a form of “Automatic writing” or Spirit Writing. Psychography as it is known is supposedly a psychic ability allowing a person to produce written words without consciously writing. The words purportedly arise from a subconscious, spiritual or supernatural source. It was evidently produced my youthful subconscious which was in conflict with my spiritual nature and my sexuality. Another Psychographic text was a revealed Jaredite Priesthood which was a sacred priesthood for homosexuals. I felt like I was called to attend BYU so I could finish these writings there. All these books were eventually given to Paul H Dunn at the LDS Church Office Building.

3 January 1973 Wednesday

It was a very cloudy day, and I didn’t’ get up until the afternoon because I had stayed up so late last night again. In the late afternoon, I went over to Jerry Smith’s to borrow some of his movie books for the journal I am supposed to be keeping of movies watched for my History of Motion Pictures class.  We talked a while and I guess he’s going to get that janitorial job in the Garden Grove Unified School District after all. That should really help out with funding his schooling.

            Afterwards I went up to Cypress College and in my ceramic class I am taking for no credit, I glazed the last of my hand thrown pots. Kent Larsen’s friend, Tom Johnson, an Art teacher at Pacifica High, was there but his wife Jean wasn’t. Wendy was there in class, and I guess she’ll be going to Nebraska soon to go to college there. The entire old crowd I hung out with at Cypress back in 1971 is gone or leaving. Kent was there but we didn’t say much to each other. He’s hell bent of going to Perdition.

            While on campus I walked around some what kind of nostalgic and saw that the new Vocational Technical II Building was completed with the boy’s showers and locker rooms. The school was brand new when I attended in 1969 and didn’t even have landscaping yet. The Edison House Science Building is finished but it isn’t opened yet. How it all has changed in just the year and half I’ve been away.

Additional Memoirs  

Jerry Smith was a childhood friend since Elementary school who except for 2 years when we went to different Junior High Schools and 2 years at different Junior Colleges, we attended school together for most of our young lives. We also shared the same birthday and year.

Kent Sandy Larson was the first Mormon I ever met. He was Gay also. We met in art classes we took together and bonded because we could share our secret loves for his Tom Farnsworth and my John Cunningham. His neighbors were Tom and Jean Johnson who were artists who kind of took Kent and me by association under their wings. Coincidently my best family friends were Tom and Jean Horan who encouraged my creative side when my parents didn’t know how. Kent came more and more out of the closet while after 1971 I went deeper in and eventually even joined the church he was abandoning.  He was being very sexually active thus my perdition comment.

4 January 1973

I withdrew $25.65 from Great Western to pay off some bills before leaving.

5 January 1973

No Entry

6 January 1973 Saturday

A hundred years or so ago, my 2^nd Great grandfather, George Kearse Williams left Alabama with his family and parents to start a new life in East Texas. George Kearse was the 9^th child of William Green Williams and Harriett Kearse, having been born in Georgia in 1847. He married Rebecca Shelomith Rushton in Alabama in 1867 after having served as a 17-year-old in the Confederate Army. He was a licensed Baptist Minister and in 1872 he emigrated to Morris County Texas with his wife, three daughters, his parents, and his youngest sister’s family.

            Subsequently nine more children were born in Texas including my great grandfather Edgar Lewis Williams in 1873. William Green Williams died in 1879 and Harriett lived to be 90 years old and died in 1900. Grandpa George Kearse moved to Cass County, Texas in 1899 where he lived until his death the day before Pearl Harbor in 1941. He had received fame as an outstanding beloved Baptist minister His wife had died in 1924.

            My Grandpa Edgar L Williams was married to Rosa Lee Perser  who was born in 1876. Edd owned a cotton gin while living in Cass County when my Grandpa Louis Milton Williams was born in 1902. In 1915 Edd moved his family to Dickens County West Texas where he died in 1934. My Grandpa Louis met Annie Danforth in Dickens County and they were married in 1921. My grandparents moved to the Panhandle of West Texas and the Plains of New Mexico before moving to Los Angeles County during World War II. Grandpa did some farming, some construction work but mainly operated a café in Earth Texas.

            My dad, Edgar Hugh Williams was born in 1925 at Portales, New Mexico but while living near Littlefield, Texas he met my mom Wilma June Johnson. After dad was discharged from the navy, he married mom in 1946. She was 3 months shy of 17 years old. They had three children, my sisters Charline and Donna, and me Edgar Hugh Jr.  In 1953 we moved to Orange County where they bought a new house on Dale Street in Garden Grove where I was raised.

Additional Memoirs

As a history major, I was always interested in my roots which made joining the Mormon Church and their emphasis on genealogy very appealing to me.

7 January 1973 Sunday

I was up this morning at 6 to attend Priesthood Meeting in my Garden Grove Ward but when I arrived, the place was locked, and no one was there. I guess they canceled church because of Stake Conference today. So, I just went back home and went back to bed.

            At 11 this morning Mom woke me up so I could get ready to meet the bus. Mom and dad drove me into Fullerton, but first we went over to Richard Ventura’s place so I could give him that paper I did to turn in to my Movie Class professor. His roommate Tom’s car wouldn’t start so Richard and I pushed it unto the engine turned over but that really tired me out.

            Mom and Dad then took me to Sir George’s, this Buffet restaurant to have lunch before meeting my bus for Utah. I had some roast beef and potatoes, but I wasn’t very hungry because I was nervous and anxious leaving home.

            At the Greyhound Bus Depot, I checked in my suitcase but carried my pillow with me. I bought a round trip ticket for $59 because within a week I need to be back to take my finals. Mom was weepy acting like I was leaving home for the first time and even dad was acting sentimental.

            My bus arrived at 1:35 in the afternoon and when all the passengers were on board and the bags loaded, we were on our way. It really didn’t seem like I was leaving California at all, but everything happened so fast it had such a dream like appearance.

            We reached Corona by 2:20 and Riverside at 2:30 where we only stopped for about 5 minutes then we didn’t have another stop until 2:45 at San Bernardino. Here I had to change buses and wait for about a half hour before taking off again. We reached Victorville at 4:05 and Barstow a 4:40 where we stayed 40 minutes.  I sat next to this college kid until Barstow where he had to change buses. He was the only person I talked to at all the entire trip.

            It was dark by the time we left Barstow so there was nothing to see until the bright lights of Las Vegas. We arrived there at 8:05 and stayed at the terminal until 8:45 in the evening. The ride from Barstow to Las Vegas is so long. I thought it would never end. Our next stop was at Mesquite, Nevada where we stayed until 15 minutes had gone by. I was getting weary.

            We encountered snow at Santa Clara, Utah at 11:10 tonight and we wound our way over to St. George at 11:20 where we stayed another 15 minutes. It had turned really cold once in Utah and I tried to sleep but some woman let her 5-year-old son chatter all night and quite loudly. That and the constant bumps and jerks of the rolling bus just wasn’t conducive to getting any sleep.

8 January 1993 Monday

We reached Cedar City at 12:30 after midnight and we stayed there until 10 to 1 in the morning. There was a lot of ice and snow on the ground outside but inside the bus heater made me sweat a lot all night, so I felt sticky and grimy.  Our last stop, before reaching Provo, was in Fillmore at 2:35 in the morning. We stayed there until 3 and I tried to rest my eyes as I was so exhausted. We finally reached the Provo Bus Depot at 5:55 in the morning which was 6:55 Utah time.

            I wearily got off the bus at the Greyhound Depot and met a nice kid who was on a paper route. As I had no idea where I was or how far away campus was, he told me how to reach the campus from the depot. I first ate some breakfast in this little café within the depot as I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday afternoon and had been up basically all night.

            After eating I stored my suitcase and pillow in the terminal’s lockers and began to make my way up to campus. As people came out of houses to retrieve their newspapers I would ask, “Is this the right way to BYU?” Most of them looked at me, as if I was an oddball for not knowing where campus was which was located high on an escarpment. It  was still dark out and I was freezing cold and since I was only wearing thin slacks my legs were just numb from the cold by the time, I had walked the 12 blocks, almost two miles, to the campus.

            When I finally climbed the zigzagging path that led up to Brigham Young, I cannot describe how I felt when I reached the campus. I was finally here. All I can say is the Lord knows how truly thankful that a way was provided for me to be here at his University.

            Even though I was dead tired, I walked around the Wilkinson Center just entranced by the wonder of it all. When I first saw the sun rise over Y Mountain I nearly fell over as I had never seen mountains like that before. In fact, because it had been so dark, I didn’t even know the Campus was surrounded by mountains. The Wasatch Mountains are just magnificent. How could Isaiah have known the beauty of these Everlasting Hills unless he was a prophet of God?

            When the bookstore finally opened at 8 this morning I went inside and bought a class catalog and schedule. Then I walked across the quad to the Administration Building to register. There I was told to go back over to the Wilkinson Center where late registration was taking place, so I did.

            While standing in line, exhausted but grateful, two young stern looking men in suits came and looked me over and said I was “border line”. I was bewildered until I was informed that my hair was a borderline case as it slightly touches the top of my ears. I was allowed to register but I guess I have to go get a haircut.

            I was able to get all the classes I wanted except Hebrew which was closed. I took the following classes: History of Utah, History of Religion in America, Historiography, LDS History since 1846, The Old Testament, The American Westward Movement, and Mormon and Christian Traditions.

            After I pulled the cards for my classes, I went back to the Administration Building to secure housing and pay fees for my classes. However, at the Housing Office, they said they couldn’t cash my Money Order for $717. They said that Zion’s First National Bank might, so I left campus and walked downtown to the bank. The bank said they wouldn’t cash the money order without an account, and they wouldn’t open an account without a local address.

            So, I walked back up to campus and took my plight to the cashier’s office in the Administration Building where they said they would cash it for me. So, I paid $325 to BYU for my tuition and $344 to the housing office . They assigned me to Helaman Halls where I was given a room in the Stephen Chipman Building. My room number was 2216 and I was to share it with Ken Lewis, a return missionary as my roommate. He had served in the Southern Brazil Mission.

After that I walked down to the bus station to retrieve my suitcase and pillow from the locker in the depot. Once back on campus I was too tired to go finalize my classes, so I found my room and collapsed on the bed. I had been up for 36 hours without any real sleep and my feet hurt. 

Additional Memoirs

Although I did not know it at the time, all the “religion classes” I was taking, while counting toward graduation were not accredited by other Universities and if I had left BYU, I would have lost all those hours.

The Floor 2200 of Chipman Hall was on the second level and contained 39 boys altogether with two students to a room and a Resident Advisor. We all shared a common bathroom and group shower. Of the 39 guys there only 5 were Returned Missionaries, 2 were Converts, 2 were inactive Mormons, 1 was a nonmember, 3 were simply full-time students never having gone on a mission, and 26 of them were 18- and 19-year-old boys waiting for their Mission calls.

9 January 1973 Tuesday

I woke up at 7 this morning in my new dorm room feeling more rested even in a strange bed. I made it down to the Cannon Center’s Commons where I had a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. I then walked up to the Administration Building and then over to the Wilkinson Center to finalize my classes. It started snowing about 8:30 this morning and it hasn’t let up all day. The roads and walk ways are completely covered by snow again. Fantastic!

            At 11 I went to the campus lecture series to hear Dr. Nicholas Nyaradi of Bradley University of Peoria, Illinois and I was very impressed by the speaker.

            Back at in my dorm room I wrote mom today to let her know I made it safely and how I have a place to live. Then I went to my first class this afternoon, The History of Utah from 4:10 to 5:50. I really love the teacher Brother Eugene Campbell. He is so humble and brilliant. He has been asked by the church to edit the Sixth Volume of the new Comprehensive History of the Church.

            After class it was dark, but I walked over to the bookstore where I bought some of my text books. I don’t think my books will cost me more than $25 which is awfully good.  Then I walked back to the commons and ate dinner. Afterwards I went back to my dorm room in Chipman Hall and studied before going to bed. The Resident Advisor for our floor had everyone come out in the hall and kneel for a group prayer at 9:30. I must have slept through it yesterday.

            Today is John Cunningham’s 22^nd birthday and he’s probably away at some Air Force base boot camp if they have such a thing.

This is the letter I wrote Mom: “Hi Mom, I thought I’d drop you a line to let you know what’s happening. I got into Provo at 5:55 and ate breakfast at the Bus Café and it was pretty good. The Bus Depot didn’t actually open until 8 so I didn’t have to worry about my bags. My pillow I just stuck in one of those lockers. I decided to walk on up to BYU because I thought I’d rather do that then set around at the Bus Depot. It was 12 blocks up to the University and it was about 7 when I got there. I just went to the Student Union where it was warm and walked around until the bookstore opened at 8. You couldn’t believe how cold it was. Snow was on the ground everywhere, though the streets were cleared. The Mountains behind the college are huge and covered with snow. Everything was beautiful with icicles hanging from the buildings. After I bought a class schedule and a catalog, I had to figure out a schedule of classes and I was so tired I could hardly see straight. I was lucky to figure out a schedule at all. I signed up for 18 units, but my Hebrew Class was closed so I couldn’t take it. I’m registered  for History of Religion in the United States, Historiography, the American Westward Movement, The History of Utah, The Old Testament, Mormon and Christian Traditions and Church History from 1847. I told you on the phone what time I had trying to get that money order cashed. I had the same problem with getting my room because when I went over to Helaman Halls I had to make several trips before I could find someone to show me to my room. My roommate is Ken Lewis from California, though his parents live in St. George now. He’s a returnee from a Mission in Southern Brazil and has helped me out with getting settled here. All the kids are super friendly, and nobody smokes or even cusses. We have a hall prayer every night before going to bed. What surprised me at first was that everyone prays before meals, in classes, and all the time. I thought at first it was phony but it’s not. I still have to get a haircut not that they have really harassed me but because I’d rather have it cut on my own than be told to.  Other than that, they aren’t too fussy about dress standards. I didn’t get to bed last night until about 11:30 because of the horseplay. I’m on the second floor facing away from the college and it’s been snowing now for three hours. I went to a forum where they had a guest speaker, and I was covered with snow by the time I got there. The streets and sidewalks are all covered with snow. Now I wish I would have taken those boots because the snow is getting deep. I haven’t gone to any of my classes yet. My first one is at 4 this afternoon. Next week the Apostle Elder Monson is coming to speak at the University and a lot of speakers are slated to come to the campus. The Student Center has a bowling Alley and a movie theater which only costs 50 cents. The school offers so much to do that once you have your initial costs taken care of you really don’t need any money especially not having a car. But if I go to Salt Lake for April Conference I’ll probably have to help pay for gas. There is a friend of Kent’s I know where I could spend the night. The campus looks like one big dating game with the girls here three to one. Maybe we might have to go back to polygamy. Everybody is clean cut. You wouldn’t know that long hair was ever in fashion. There are a lot of wealthy kids going here but most are either on loans or their parents are footing the bill. Well, I can’t think of much more to write. See you in about two weeks, Junior”

Additional Material

Dr. Nyaradi 1905-1976 was appointed Free Hungary's first Minister of Finance two years after World War II ended however fled to America after the Soviets dominated his country. He was hired at Bradley University where he organized and was chair of its first School of International Studies. He wrote a book, earned an honorary degree from a college in Pennsylvania, and served the State Department as a consultant on European and Soviet affairs.

The BYU’s newspaper, Daily Universe, published an article entitled “Student is witness” on January 9, 1973. In this article we read: A BYU student has been called as one of the key government witnesses in the Watergate trial which began Monday. . . Gregory, a history major, became involved with the Muskie campaign through an “Independent Learning Experience” sponsored by the BYU Honors program. After the Muskie campaign folded, Gregory went to work for McGovern. J. Keith Melville, Professor of Political Science, who supervised Gregory, said that he worked on foreign policy for Muskie and was a student coordinator for McGovern. Melville said that in his talks “there was nothing that Gregory ever related to me that would have connected him with the Watergate case.” He noted that Gregory was “very diligent in his particular political area and very perceptive about his work.” Early in his progress reports, Gregory related to Melville that Muskie was on a downward trend—before this was recognized by the press.

10 January 1973 Wednesday

I woke up at 6:30 this morning and went for an early breakfast then over to the Administration Building on campus again. I needed to get an Add/Drop slip. After that I went to my  first day class at 9 which is my History of Religions in the United States class. The teacher is Brother Milton V Backman and there’s a paper already due for it. I think I will do mine on the Church of Christ Campbellite movement.

            Right after his class I have my religion class that we are required to take each semester. It’s the History of the LDS Church after 1846. It is taught by Brother Ivan J Barrett who also wrote Joseph Smith and the Restoration Until 1846. Brother Barrett is a jovial great man and a loveable Saint. He must be popular because he teaches in an auditorium not a classroom. I took another Religion Class also on the Old Testament taught by Brother Robert Matthews. I think he will be good.

            After these classes I have a long break before my night class so I went to eat some lunch in the commons before they close for dinner. In the afternoon I mostly read and had a letter from mom in the mail.

            It was cold today again and it lightly snowed some more. I am already not thrilled with being out in the snow.  At dinner I sat with my dorm mate Ken Lewis and then I left for my Historiography Class at 5 in the afternoon. It is a long class and lasted until 8 at night. There weren’t very many students in the class so there is some question whether or not it will hold. I hope so because the class is really interesting and there’s no paper due in it which is highly unusual for a historiography class.

The really freaky part of this class is that Mr. Michael Seibt looks exactly like an older and taller version of me. Same expressions, gestures, and facial movements, it’s uncanny. You always hear from friends about them saying they saw someone who looks like you but when you run into someone, it’s really weird.

            After class I walked home in the dark down the escarpment to my dorm room  and studied some before going to bed at 11 tonight. Hall prayer was at 9:30 again which I am finding out is a regular activity.

Additional Material

Historiography is the study of the methods of historians in developing history as an academic discipline, and by extension is anybody of historical work on a particular subject.

11 January 1973 Thursday

I was up at 6:30 this morning as I though the clock said 7:30 so I didn’t get to sleep in. Anyway, I went and took a shower  as I always do in the morning. The shower room is in men’s bathroom the middle of the hall. The shower is a group shower with about nine shower heads in a tile enclosure with plenty of hot water. However, I am too shy to use the toilets there except to pee so I walk over to the Field House where I can find an isolate men’s room to do my business.  Before that I went to breakfast in the Cannon Commons and then walked through the tunnel before climbing the steps up to the campus where I went to the bookstore and bought the rest of my text books except for the one that still hasn’t come in yet.  There I had to buy another notebook because I lost my original one with all my class notes. Oh Well.         I also went to housing and paid $20 more on my dormitory room. I only owe $78 more on my contract

            My first class is at 11 this morning and it’s my Mormon and Christian Traditions Class. The teacher is Brother Burt Horsley and he a rather dry teacher, but I met this blond kid in his class named George who is a Freshman and is really dedicated to the principles of the Gospel.

            After class, I went back to the dormitory and had lunch then I went back over to BYU to go to the J Reuben Clark library to start getting acquainted with it. I’ve kind of decided to do my paper for Bro. Backman’s class on the Campbellites.

            At supper tonight I sat with a non-Mormon kid named Brian. I was surprised that someone could come to BYU and not know a thing about the church. Weird I thought. In the evening I just went back to my room and studied. I am starting to meet and know the other guys in this wing of Chipman almost all of them are Freshmen and 18 years old. I feel like at 21 I am the old guy here. I met this kid named Stew Weed who’s from Newport Beach in Orange County. You can tell he comes from money.  I went to bed around 10:30 after Hall Prayers.

            Today is Ralph Albert Ludder’s 22^nd birthday

Additional Memoirs

Ralph Ludders and I were friends having taken classes together at Cypress College. After I was nearly suicidal and having a nervous breakdown over having told John Cunningham that I loved him, Ralph was the only friend I could confide in. Rather than be appalled by my admission that I loved a boy and not a girl, all Ralph said was “Wow you really did love him.” It was the first and only affirmation of my feelings for John. Ralph and I spent much of the rest of the summer of 1970 at Huntington Beach where we would build sand castles and put a twig or sea weed on top of it  saying that it was John, and we would stay through the evening watching tide wash the sandcastle and John away. In September I was best man at his wedding to his first wife Brenda. Ralph saved my life by validating my love for John and letting me finally share my heartache with someone.

The Smith’s Field House was not used much as it was older, and a new Physical Education Building was up on campus. The men’s rooms there were not frequented much and allowed me a lot of privacy. However, it was the first place that I saw Gay graffiti scribbled on the wall much to my delight and horror.

Stewart Weed was called to serve a mission to Northern Texas. His dorm mate was Brad Omer who was called to serve in Southern Brazil.

12 January 1973 Friday

It was actually warming up this morning compared to how frigid it had been. I was up at 7 to shower before it got too crowded, then dressed, and went to eat breakfast. The commons served cold cereal in large bins, and it seems that a Captain Crunch type is what most of the guys’ favor because they can load up on it. I’ve been eating hot oatmeal and this thing called cracked wheat.

            After breakfast I trekked to the library to begin researching for information for my History of Religion’s class. I am doing it on the Campbellite Churches of Christ which many early Mormons were before converting.  Afterwards I went back down off campus to lunch and then to the only class I have on Friday which is my Westward Movement Class. It’s taught by Brother James B Allen, but I don’t know if I’m going to like this class as it will be my hardest.

This afternoon I had to take the bus down to Center Street to do some shopping. I bought a bathrobe, so I don’t have to run to the showers in the morning just wearing a towel and a muffler for my neck. It is still quite nippy out even if not so cold. While down town I walked around the County Court House and it’s a magnificent old building. In fact, much of downtown reminds of Main Street in Disneyland.

            In the evening I ran in to my Gentile friend Brian again and we ate in the commons together. After dinner I went to my room and studied some more. I had my dorm door open, and this kid Darwin Kay Ross came in and introduced himself. He had the greatest smile and he’s about my age and a Returned Missionary.

            About 9 tonight when the rates were cheaper, I called Mom and Dad because everyone on the floor is either out on a date or studying and I was homesick. I talked to Mom who said everyone is fine. She still hasn’t received my letter yet and she said she sent me a package by Greyhound containing more clothes which still hasn’t arrived either. I told her I will probably leave next Friday to come home and take my finals at Cal State Fullerton.

Additional Material

Darwin Kay Ross was about my age, born 18 September 1951 having been a Returned Missionary serving in the French Belgium Mission.

BYU’s Daily Universe reported the following: BYU student Thomas Gregory testified late Thursday that he was paid to spy on the campaigns of Democratic presidential contenders . . . Gregory, a 25-year-old history major at BYU, testified that Hunt paid his fare to Washington and induced him to work in Muskie’s office and then for Sen. George McGovern. Gregory testified his assignment in both offices was to get as much information as possible on the candidates’ schedules, the names of their contributors and such physical details of their headquarters as locations of heating ducts, pictures on the walls and light fixtures. . . . Gregory said he and Hunt met once a week in a drug store and exchanged envelopes, Gregory giving typewritten notes and Hunt returning his pay, $175. . . . Earlier Thursday, . . . BYU President Dallin Oaks issued a statement . . . Pres. Oaks said, “I am satisfied that no Brigham Young University teacher or official had any knowledge of the alleged spying. If the spying took place, we deplore it.” The president issued the statement after conferring with Dr. Keith Melville, the political science professor who was supervising Gregory’s “Independent Learning Experience” project as intern with the Edmund Muskie and George McGovern campaigns. Melville said he was first contacted last February by Gregory. “He proposed the program and gave me a list of books he was to read,” said Melville. “It seemed to be a noteworthy program.”

13 January 1973 Saturday

I didn’t do much today except go to the J Reuben Clark library where I completed my research for my paper in the History of Religion Class. I’m doing it on the old Campbellite Church of Christ. Here at the dorm, I sat down and pretty well wrote out my paper  the way I wanted it.

            In the afternoon I did most of my washing up in the laundry down in the basement because I was really running out of clothes to wear. This evening I stayed in and studied for some of my classes as I don’t have any money to go out.  I went to bed about 10:30.

            Tomorrow there is a Stake Conference which should be exciting. It has been so warm lately with temperatures reaching 45 degrees. Most of the snow on the grass has melted away. There’s still plenty of snow but now it’s drier outside.

Today is Kent Sandy Larsen’s 22^nd birthday.

14 January 1973 Sunday

This morning I didn’t get up until 9:30 as there was no Priesthood Meeting because Stake Conference was held today up here in Provo. I’m in the 4^th BYU stake and 30^th Branch. The Conference was from 11 this morning until 1 in the afternoon. The most notable speaker was Stake President Hyde who preached a sermon on the subject of “Sin”.  It left a sobering effect upon the audience and especially me.

            The Conference was really good, and I enjoyed it a lot it being the first Conference I had ever attended. Afterwards I went back to Helaman Halls to eat Sunday Dinner. The commons was super crowded as that everyone was let out at the same time. They served a good dinner of steak and potatoes.

            It was rather warm today comparatively, and most of the snow, on the lawns, is beginning to melt away. It must have gotten up to 40 degrees today although the low last night was 17 degrees.

            Listening to the radio for most of the day when not in church and I heard that the Roberta Flack’s song If ever I Saw Your Face  was number one for 1972 in Provo  while Alone Again Naturally was number two.

            I went to supper at 5:30 so I could make it to Sacrament that starts at 6. It’s across the street in the Smith Field House P.E. Building. We had some excellent speaker and after the meeting I spoke with my Branch President Brother Merrill about having my records sent up here from Provo as I have no connection with the Garden Grove Ward anymore. He said that there’s a possibility I might be able to do baptismal work for the dead in the Provo Temple. I’m all excited about the possibility of that. Afterwards, I came back to the dorm and went to bed at 10:30 tonight. I can’t believe it’s only been a week that I’ve been in Utah.

15 January 1973 Monday

I was up at 7 this morning to get ready for breakfast and my Monday classes. My first class was at 9 with Bro. Backman. He showed a movie on Martin Luther and Lutheranism for most of the time period.  Next, I had Bro Barrett, and his class is really a pleasure. We are discussing the Mormon exodus to Utah right now. My last class for the day is Bro. Matthews’ where we are discussing the Psalms of David. He taught it strictly as scripture and not as poetry. Sometimes I am finding out that as Mormons we have a tendency to use the Bible purely as a basis for doctrinal proof and not always as a means for worship. The beauty of the Scriptures never ceases to fill me with devotion.

            In the evening since it was a Monday, we had a meeting of what is called Family Home Evening made up of a group of students. The guys in my “family” are just from down the hall. Darwin Ross is in my family group. We had a lesson tonight, but it seems that most of the kids were in light hearted moods and not being very serious.

            I received a letter from Mom today. She wrote: “Dear Son, Finally got your letter Saturday. It took its time getting here. Jr, Granny Rose died Sunday at 6 our time.  Mr. Williams isn’t going back. Said he did not feel up to the trip. Don’t know too much of the details yet. When Mama called, she said Buddy and Joanne had a little girl. Said she saw it in the paper. Daddy said to bring the suitcase back with you empty. Said if you weren’t taking up too much, it might be cheaper to go back on the bus. But will talk more when you get here. So will close. Love Mom.”

Additional Memoirs

My Granny Rose was born Rosa Lee Perser 14 November 1876 in Cass County, Texas and died 14 November 1973 in Plainview, Texas. She was 96 years old. She was my Dad’s paternal grandmother and she said I was her favorite great grandchild because I would sit with her and hold her hands because she said they were always cold. I was the only boy that would have anything to do with my grandmothers.

Buddy Husky was a cowboy friend I had as a teenager in Texas. He was two years older than me and was engaged to my sister at one time. I had the biggest crush on him and as we were “boys” we were put in the same bed whenever I stayed with the Huskeys. We never fooled around but I sure would snuggle up to him during the night. I almost went to college in Lubbock to be with Buddy.

16 January 1973 Tuesday

I was up at 6:30 this morning to shower with the other kids and go to breakfast in the Commons. It was a beautiful bright blue sky this morning like nothing I had ever seen in California. The mountains loom magnificently overhead up to the heavens. Most of the snow is gone now except in places it had drifted and piled up.

            At 9:30, I went with Darwin Ross to walk over early to the Devotional Assembly held in the Marriott Center do we could get a good seat as Elder Thomas Monson was speaking. I was so excited, as I had never seen a Holy Apostle before.

            As he entered the auditorium, I knew he was the Apostle without anyone telling me and my eyes swelled with tears as I beheld Elder Monson. I thought how gracious the Lord has been to me that he had brought me to Utah to witness this; to behold with my eyes and Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ

            As elder Monson spoke his words burned within my bosom and my ears shall never forget the instructions of this holy man to “Listen, Learn, Labor, and Love.” That was his message to us. What a thrill it was in my heart, this experience and listening to the organ play Widow’s Toccata as we exited and streamed out of  the Marriott Center.  If I learn or experience anything else at BYU this would be sufficient.

            I had a letter from my Grandma Johnson, and I was surprised because I didn’t think she had my address. She said she read in the paper that Buddy and Joanne had a little girl on the 9^th of January.

            In the evening it turned cold again but not enough to freeze for it rained all night long making the grounds mushy and slushy.

17 January 1973 Wednesday

Additional Material

On January 17, 1973, the Daily Universe printed this information: BYU student Thomas Gregory testified yesterday in Washington, D.C. that he was paid $3400 for spying and quit after a “close call” in an effort to bug Sen. George McGovern’s headquarters. Gregory testified in the Watergate bugging trial that he met with E. Howard Hunt, G. Gordon Lady, James W. McCord Jr., and four other defendants in a Washington hotel room early last May. He said McCord expressed interest in planting electronic listening devices in the offices of McGovern campaign officials, according to Associated Press reports. On a visit to McGovern headquarters, Gregory said, McCord went through the building observing the burglar-alarm system and the location of exits. He said he later was introduced to Lady , who went along on a night-time reconnaissance of the area around McGovern headquarters. Gregory said he was asked to provide keys to the McGovern headquarters but refused. He did agree to remain in the building late on May 28 and leave some locks open when he departed. However, another man working in the headquarters discovered him and wanted to know why he was there. He then left and called to warn Hunt and the bugging operation scheduled for that night was called off. . . . During a final meeting with Hunt on June 15, Gregory said he wanted out of the operation. (Daily Universe, January 17, 1973)

18 January 1973 Thursday

I was up early this morning at 7 to get to breakfast before heading up to campus for Bro. Campbell’s Utah History class at 9. I dropped his Tuesday class in favor of this one and I’ll get $6 back also from dropping an evening class. I’ll actually get $15 back because my Wednesday night Historiography class was canceled and that was $9.

            After my Utah History class was over, at 11 I went to my Mormon and Christian Tradition Class, and I was assigned to do my class project on Pentecostal Churches.  After class I went to lunch in the commons then back to my dorm room to rest some before going to Bro. Barrett’s Doctrine and Covenants Class. I was able to add it for  2 in the afternoon. The  D&C class and all the changes I was able to make today were okayed even though I couldn’t locate three other teachers to get their signatures, so tomorrow I’ll have to finish my add-drop card.

19 January 1973 Friday

I was up at 7:30 this morning to shower and eat breakfast before going to my first class at 9. It was snowing quite a bit and all the walkways were wet and slushy. Right after my U.S. Religion class I went to find Bro. Montgomery’s class on the History of the Middle East which was at 10. He said there was room so he’s letting me add his class. Bro. Montgomery reminds me in looks so much like Jim Dalton.

            After that class I went to lunch and afterwards went to find Bro. Seat’s Historiography Class to see if I could add it since his Wednesday Evening class was canceled.  After that all I had to do is get Bro. Allan’s signature to drop Westward Movement to complete my Add-Drop Slip.

            It was 3:30 this afternoon before I could turn it in to the registration office to get everything finalized. I’m now taking 19 unit; Utah History which is 2, Historiography which is 3, History of the Middle East, which is 3, U.S. Religions which is 3, Church History which is 2, Doctrine & Covenants which is 2, and the Old Testament which is 2.  I also went over to Bro. Montgomery’s office to pick up a class syllabus that I had missed.

            I ate an early dinner at 4:30 this afternoon so I could get things arranged and packed for my trip back home to Garden Grove. However, I heard some of the guys talking about the roads down south being bad, so I called the Bus Depot up and they said that they’d be no buses out because the roads are closed from a snow storm.

            After finding this disappointing news out, I called Mom and Dad up, I told them I couldn’t come home and to just call Cal State Fullerton up and ask them to give me an incomplete as I won’t be taking my finals. I said for Mom to just ship all my stuff up to me that I left at home. I guess I won’t be going home after all until April now.

            In the evening I stayed in and messed around with some of the kids in the hall I am getting to know. I stayed up until 2:30 in the morning. Still, even then I wasn’t very tired . I guess I had psyched myself out about the bus trip home.

            Today is my Dad’s 58^th birthday.

Additional Memoirs

Jim Dalton was my dorm mate in the Fall of 1971 at Cal-State Fullerton. He was a recently discharged sailor having served in Vietnam. He was 24 years old when I was 20 and had the looks of Robert Redford as the Sundance Kid. He was so handsome, and I was in love. When I came out to people in the dorm, he had asked me to give him a blow job even though he was engaged to this girl in the dorm. When I was kicked out of the dorm, we were going to move in together in an Apartment off campus but after I had put down a deposit and paid first month rent, Jim was pressured by his girlfriend not to move in with me as it was known that I was saying I was Gay. I had counted on him sharing the rent and I was devastated. He was one of the reasons I went back into the closet in 1972. The two men I fell in love with John Cunningham and Jim Dalton were unable to reciprocate that love.

I never returned to Cal-State Fullerton to complete that semester of 1972 and all the incompletes eventually turned into not passing on my transcripts.

20 January 1973 Saturday

Nothing happened much today so I’ll just relate what’s been happening around me. I did go down to the Bus Depot to see if I could get a refund on my bus ticket, but the man there said I would have to redeem it back in California. So, I wrote Mom a letter and sent the ticket enclosed in it back to her. I am so completely without funs that I had to borrow a stamp off of my dorm mate Ken Lewis just to mail the letter.           It was a beautiful day, so I didn’t mind the wasted walk down to the bus depot and back.

            I also wrote Ralph and Brenda a letter, but I won’t be able to mail it until Mom sends me some money from home. In the news the BYU Cougar Marching Band played for President Nixon’s 2^nd inauguration  there in Washington. Also, in the news there have been a lot of mass murders lately. Eight people were killed by a sniper in Louisiana and 6 people were killed in a Black Muslim’s headquarters in Washington DC. I haven’t read about it yet but in Missouri and New York, there are supposed to be a lot of murders and hostage taking. I don’t get a newspaper anymore, so I really don’t know what is going on except what is reported in the Daily Universe. This BYU student, Bro. Gregory is the main topic in the school paper as he is somehow involved in the Watergate Affair.

This is the letter I wrote Mom: “Mom I went down to the bus depot, and they wouldn’t give me a refund because it was on a Master Charge Card and that you’d have to redeem it out there. Could you send me $10 really quick? Don’t send it by check because in this hick town they don’t take anything but cash. I forgot to ask you over the phone could you send me an umbrella and Charlene’s camera too?  Also send me the genealogy stuff that’s in the bottom of the chest of drawers because while I am up here,  I thought I’d do some genealogy work. I already found out some more history of the Williamses in South Carolina and the Kearse Family. The storm is over and it’s pretty outside, So far last week we have had sleet, ice, snow, and rain. Part of the week it will get warm, and the snow will melt but then it snows again. I don’t even have enough money to buy a stamp. I have to borrow from kids in the dorm. Tell dad happy birthday. Love Edgar Jr.”

Additional Material

“You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon is the number 1 song for the past 3 weeks and for most of January

Mark Essex killed four civilians and three police officers during a siege at the Downtown Howard Johnson's Motor Lodge in New Orleans on January 7. Ten hours after the siege began, Essex is killed by a volley of gunfire from police officers stationed inside a Marine helicopter.

Hanafi Muslim massacre took place on the afternoon of January 18, 1973. Two adults and a child were shot to death. Four other children ranging in age from nine days to ten years old were drowned. Two others were severely injured. The murder took place at 7700 16th Street NW, a Washington, D.C. house purchased for a group of Hanafi Muslims to use as the "Hanafi American Mussulman's Rifle and Pistol Club". The property was purchased and donated by then Milwaukee Bucks basketball player, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

According to the University’s newspaper, Daily Universe, Jan.11, 1973, Gregory “attended BYU from 1966-1968. He served in the South Brazil Mission until 1970 and has been registered at BYU since then.” Since Gregory was attending BYU “from 1966-1968,” he would have been there at the time that a scandal concerning a spy ring rocked the campus. It was in February, 1967, when the existence of this spy ring was first revealed. The following appeared in The Daily Utah Chronicle, a newspaper published at the University of Utah: Brigham Young University is in the calm of a hurricane’s eye after being rocked with student charges of an administration-instigated spy ring. . . . Two political science students, Ronald Hankin, and Colleen Stone described the “spy ring” to BYU student body Tuesday during a “free forum” speech. Hankin claims to have been asked by Steven Russell, senior political scientist, to “check up on a reaction to Pres. Ernest Wilkinson’s April 21 speech” . . . In a Chronicle interview, Hankin said 15 students were offered the “spy task” authorized by Vice President Joseph T. Bentley. “We were to check up on eight teachers: . . .” (The Daily Utah Chronicle, March 6, 1967) At first Ernest L. Wilkinson, who was President of BYU, evidently tried to deny the charges: “According to an Associated Press story, Wilkinson said the students were ‘misinformed’ and that he had no knowledge of the alleged Ring.

21 January 1973 Sunday

Today was a day of a spiritual feast as it was Branch Conference. At Sacrament Meeting we sustained Brother Merrill as President of the 30^th Branch here at BYU. To start the morning off, I was up at 9 to get ready for Priesthood Meeting which lasted from 10 to 11:15. Right after Priesthood I attended Sunday School which lasted from 11:30 until 1 in the afternoon. I’m taking a genealogy class in Sunday School. Afterwards I went to the commons to eat, and I sat with some of the dorm kids from my floor. I had pork roast, gravy, dressing, and potatoes for dinner.

            We had a break until Sacrament, and we went back to the dorm where we were supposed to study the scriptures but most of us took naps or listened to music. Sacrament Meeting lasted from 6 to 7:30 this evening. President Hyde from the Stake spoke at the meeting and was there to have us sustain Bro. Merrill as Branch President.

            It was very cold today and though it didn’t show any, everything is frozen outside when Darwin Ross, Elbert Peck, Malcolm Hunt,  and I walked over to the Wilkinson Center to hear Bro. Mel Olson give a Fireside talk. He’s the Freshmen Football coach here at BYU and I believe he gave the best talk of any I heard today. He spoke about serving others was the same as serving Christ. Afterwards there were refreshments of brownies and punch. They sure were good. So, it was a wonderful, wonderful Sabbath although now I am a little tired.

            Our floor’s Resident Advisor, Gregg Fager, has really been on the kids in the hall about the length of their hair. I want to get a haircut, but I have no money.

Additional Material

Gregg Fager was married but living in the dorm while going back to school on a work program.

Malcolm Hunt was Joey Walker’s roommate. Malcolm served in the South East English mission.

22 January 1973 Monday

President Lyndon Baines Johnson died today of a heart attack. It really was a shock to hear the news because he hadn’t been sick on in declining health as Harry S Truman had been. An era is certainly over now. He was my President during my teenage years from 1963 until 1969. I think Johnson was a great man with the Civil Rights legislation and the War on Poverty, but he was misguided in Vietnam as I suppose we all were back then. I remember his Presidency quite well and feel his loss personally.

            I went to all my classes today and it seemed colder today than it had been last week.

Additional Material

Roe v. Wade: The U.S. Supreme Court overturns state bans on abortion.

Former President Lyndon B. Johnson dies at his Johnson City, Texas, ranch, leaving no former U.S. President living until the resignation of Richard Nixon in 1974.

23 January 1973 Tuesday

While it was a cold, cold day, today was a wonderfully historic day. The War in Vietnam has come to a conclusion. This Saturday will be the official day for end of the war and 60 days after that all American Troops will be withdrawn. All the Prisoners of War are to be released also. Oh, Praise the Lord of Peace. It’s really sad however that President Johnson died the day before the Peace Accord was settled. Ironic.

            I attended all my classes except for the one in the afternoon because it was so bitterly cold; only 20 degrees in the afternoon.  I finally received my package from home Mom sent containing my books, writings, and stereo. Roger Olsen my next-door dorm neighbor drove me down to the Continental Bus Depot so that really made my day. The package contained all my doctrinal books and some of my writings. Now I can’t wait until I can check out a few records to play on my stereo.

I also received a letter from mom by airmail that cost 11 cents  addressed to 2216C Helman Hall, Provo. It contained a letter from here and my Great Western Savings bank book. Mom wrote a letter dated January 22, “Dear son, Hope everything gets there ok. I hope you know someone with a car if not you’re going to half to get a taxi. The box is one  the record player came in. I’m going to the bank and see about your money. By the way sen me your telephone number . I went and got this so fill it out We are sending the things tonight. Don’t know when they will leave. Guess they will notify you. Love Mom  PS Mail the savings book  back to the bank to.

            Some of the general impressions I have of the kids on my floor I think I will record here.

Elbert Peck is from Vienna, Virginia and is a youthful, idealistic, non-cynical 18-year-old. Last Sunday, we sustained him as a Sunday School teacher. He’s very spirited and frisky and has a very strong testimony. He often walks with a cane just for effect where on he will lean upon it with both hands while listening and remark, “Indeed. Indeed.”

            When I first met him, Elbert left a bad impression on me as we had a mild difference of opinion over the Constitution being divinely inspired. I stated my belief that we should not put a divine mantle upon men no matter what their virtues, lest we forget that they we’re human with human frailties so that we don’t lose the belief that we can achieve the same greatness as they. He was very pompous and declared “obviously you lack a testimony of the founding fathers.”  

Additional Memoirs

BYU was putting on a production of the musical 1776 which Elbert would sing up and down the hall. He received his mission call to the Central California Mission.  His dorm mate at Chipman was Ken Speck. Elbert was the editor of The Seventh East Press from October 1981 through April 1983. The paper was initiated by two BYU grad students, Ron Priddis and Anthony Schmitt. It was an alternative voice for BYU faculty and students. Ron had prevailed upon Elbert Peck to become the first editor of the paper. Later Elbert Peck became the editor of the Sunstone Magazine from 1986 until 2001.

Roger Olson was a dorm mate of Jim Kronus, and their room was next to Ken Lewis and mine. Roger went on a mission to the Fuji Islands.

24 January 1973 Wednesday

I was up at 7:30 this morning and barely made it to breakfast at 8 before they closed. Afterwards I went to my U.S. Religion Class and to my Middle East Class. I skipped going to my Old Testament Class.

            It was just so cold this morning that I couldn’t stand to be out in it. This morning it was 5 degrees without a cloud in the sky to retain the heat, so it was just deathly cold. I went back to Chipman Hall and cleaned up the room as it was inspection day. Ken Lewis and I received 9 out of 10 points although last week we had straight 10s. Most of the younger kids that haven’t gone on missions and are used to their moms picking up after them usually never get above a 7. I received two letters from Mom this week. One had $23 in it and the other was newsy.

            Since I now had a little money, I took the bus to downtown Provo where I finally had a haircut. While out, I also bought some more textbooks for my classes. I spent most of the afternoon in Provo walking around and it was frigid.

            After I arrived back at the dorm, I went to lunch with some of the kids from my floor. Then I did up my washing while visiting with Darwin Ross who was also doing his wash. He said he went to see the musical production of 1776 and said it was really good.

            In the evening Bill Hall came down from his end of the floor to my room where others were in just generally goofing around. My room is becoming a local hang out much to the annoyance of Ken Lewis who doesn’t say much because he wants to be one of the gang. I wrote mom  back a letter now that I can buy stamps  and I can send out the other letters I have written also. I didn’t get to bed until midnight.

            There is a rash on my left leg up near the groin that is sore as can be. It burns like it’s a sunburn. I couldn’t imagine what it could be until Ken Lewis said to put lotion on because the air is so dry here in Utah compared to Orange County that your jeans can give you something like a rug burn just by walking around until you get acclimatized.

            In the news President Johnson is lying in state within the Capitol’s rotunda.

This is the letter Mom sent: “Dear Jr. Sorry you didn’t get to come home. Grandma and Grandpa Williams stayed until today so they could see you before going back up to Yucaipa. I’m sending your things by Continental Trailway Bus. I’m sending the paper in the night stand. Also, the book. Maybe you won’t need all of them or if you need more, write, and tell me. Jerry said he would do what you wanted him to do with schooling. Said he didn’t think he would have any problems. Also said to write him. James has been pretty sick. Seems like it takes so long to get over the flu. Hope you don’t get it. We are sending your record player. Also, daddy said if there is a bank like the one your money was in, you could probably have it transfer to Provo.  But I will see about it anyways.  Also, I will send up your typewriter. Had it fixed so take care of it. Get a type of writer eraser. Don’t know much. Donna’s address is 915 Nutwood Street, Anaheim.  It sure rained here Friday. Lots of snow in the mountains. Sure, cold here. Your dad’s here working on his rocks. If things go alright with us, we want to come up and bring you home. We got a week’s vacation  coming. I always did want to see Salt Lake. Everybody says it’s real pretty. Maybe it won’t be and snow there then. Well don’t know any more to write. Hope everything gets there okay. Love Mom and Dad.”

I wrote back to Mom: “Dear Mom and Dad, I go the package yesterday from the Continental Bus. A kind in the hall took me down to the bus depot to pick it up. Mom in my address book I don’t have Tom and Jean Johnson’s or Kent Larsen’s address . Could you send it to me? I got the news that the war is over. If you could save some of the headlines for me about Johnson’s death and the war, I’d appreciate it. I don’t get a paper up here, so I hardly know what is going on. It’s so cold here lately that I haven’t even been going to classes. Five degrees in the morning with a high of 20 degrees. There hasn’t been a cloud in the sky, so no heat is retained and it’s just cold. The stereo was fine. You packed it well. The article on the Shroud of Turin was interesting. I’m letting  some of the kids read it. I pretty well know all the kids by now. Most of them are either returned missionaries from Brazil, England, France, and New England  or are taking Missionary course in preparation for going on a mission.  I am sorry that Grandma and Grandpa didn’t get to see me. Tell Grandpa that I found this out about the family. Wilson Williams was the father of William Green Williams and in 1790 lived in the Southern Part of Orangeburg District and at the time I… [ the rest of the letter is missing]”

Additional Material

James Edgar Clark is my nephew who was 4 years old at the time.

25 January 1973

No Entry

26 January 1973 Friday

Early this morning I was woken by the phone ringing. It was Continental Bus saying that another package from home had arrived for me. However, it wasn’t until 11 that I could catch a city bus to get downtown.  At the depot, I found that it was a suitcase, so I carried it back not taking the bus to save the fare. My legs were so sore by the time I was back at Helaman Hall. After stashing the baggage in my room, I went to the common for lunch and checked my mail. I was surprised that I had a package from Dave Gubser. It contained a letter and a record album, Cat Steven’s “Teaser and the Firecat”. I sure enjoyed it. In the suitcase was more clothes, a few record albums, and my genealogy stuff.

            I wrote Dave back and, in the evening, I went to the Varsity Theater in the Wilkinson with Jim Lillis and Bill Hall. We saw “Kidnapped” which was pretty good and it only cost 50 cents so that was reasonable. The movie was over at 10 at night so we walked back to the dorm where we hung out in Jim’s room where then a lot of others came in to visit. We talked for most of the night, and I didn’t get to bed until 2:30 in the morning.

            Dave Gubser wrote to me in his letter; “Ben Edgar. Listen what  the hell’s going on? One week you’re here then the next thing I know you are off somewhere in “Utah” snowed in at that.  You gotta keep your eyes on ‘em all the time.

            Firsts heard from Phyllis that you were no longer a resident of California! Then heard from Laura that you were supposed to be home this week for finals! I called your house tonight and your mother  gave me your address and the news that you wouldn’t be coming home!

            When will you be home again? Are you on quarter or semester system? What classes are you taking? How is your roommate? Do you have a phone #? Just let me have the general news. Ok? You know what I mean!

            Laura called me yesterday to ask me to a party that she an Janet  are having that Sat. nite! They didn’t invite Phyllis (I don’t think) and I guess you won’t be there, (Laura said she was going to ask you.) So now I don’t know if I want to go now or not! If I go, I will let you know how it was.

            Wow , ya know I tried to get in touch with you for New Years to see if you were coming down after work but when I called, your phone was disconencted! So all nite we were watching for you!

I don’t know if you want to, hear about New Years or not but you’re gonna. Sheila, Jeff & I (Phyllis was in San Bernadino) went to this party right down the street from my house. We were the only young people there, everyone else was over 40! It was a very strange to say the least! We stayed there till after midnite and everyone was loaded, all the old men wanted to kiss Sheila!!! About 2 we decided to go to Oil Can’s and this other couple (they were 35-40) wanted to go too; so they came along! We were drunk and neglected to tell them what kind of place it was! We get there and it cost $3.50 to get in When these people  got there, they almost shit!! Edgar it was so funny . They only stayed about 20 minutes!!

Well after about an hour, Sheila came up to me and said she and Jeff were going to leave; it was so loud, I thought she said they were going to EAT! I told her I would stay. So, she an Jeff left. I kept waiting for them to come back. Finally the place closed and I realized they were not coming back!! Here I am at Oil Can, drunk, it’s 5 am! So I walked to the Universal Sheraton, don’t ask me why, I don’t know; got a taxi , and came back to Glendale.

I go to pay the taxi driver and I realize I don’t have any money! I finally found a $20. The driver says he can’t make any change! So it cost me $20 for a $4 Taxi ride!  And that was New Years! Far-out huh?

Not much else too exciting has happened!! Its been kind of slow. I have one more final on Tuesday! Then on the 29^th I’ll start new classes. Fun, fun, fun.

            Say I don’t remember if you said you had this record or not! So I’m sending it along. I hope you have something to play it on!! It’s the short version (Sorry to say) of “I Like What I Like.”

You can play it on Saturday nites and dream of “?” Oh well Be good and WRITE TO ME!! Just address it to Dave he Fooll!!! So Long-

Additional Memoirs

Dave Gubser was living in the dorm at Cal- State Fullerton in the Fall of 1971. He was part of a crowd of kids I became involved with. He and his best friend Phyllis Lewis were from Glendale, California. He left the dorm after he tried to commit suicide which I know now must have been because he was Gay. Phyllis was vivacious and was, what at one time used to be called, a “Fag Hag”. I went with a group of kids with them to Oil Can Harry’s dance club which was a Gay Bar in Studio Center. There I danced for the first time with a boy. Dave, I think had a mild crush on me when I came out probably because I was the only openly Gay boy he knew at Fullerton.

Bill Hall was a 18-year boy from Fargo, North Dakota who came to BYU on a wrestling scholarship. His dorm mate was Randy Gormley who was also Fargo and they had been Mormons friends back east. Bill was fun and silly and kind of horny and loved to wrestle me and we would wrestle up and down the hall and into my room where he would eventually pin me holding my arms down while I laid on my back. He often had a hard on when straddling me and would grind into me but that was as far as it went. I eventually developed a major crush on this boy. He was called on a mission to the North Carolina- Virginia Mission.

Jim Lillis was the oldest guy on the floor about 30 years old. He was a returned Missionary having served in New England. His roommate was Dave Kirkham. Lillis was kind of nerdy almost old maidish, and he was jealous of the attention that Bill gave me because he thought of Bill as his only friend.

27 January 1973 Saturday

No Entry

Additional Material

Stevie Wonder’s "Superstition"  is the number one song in Provo this week.

U.S. involvement in the Vietnam War ends with the signing of the Paris Peace Accords.

28 January 1973 Sunday

Today was a very good Sabbath. I was up at 9:30 this morning, hurriedly got dressed to make it to Priesthood on time at 10. I was called upon to pass the Sacrament bread during Sunday School. It was the first time ever I had passed the Sacrament and the first time I actually used my Deacon Priesthood.

            After Sunday School I went to lunch with Bill Hall and Randy Gormley. Afterwards in the afternoon I went back to my room and cleaned up because we were having an open house for the kids’ families to come visit. Ken Lewis brought his sister up for me to meet and she seemed rather nice. It seemed a little weird having girls on the floor, however.

            I went to supper before Sacrament which started at 6 and lasted until 7:30. It was a real good meeting and I love the hymn Until We Meet Again. After coming back to Chipman, I went down to the basement where the recreational room was located that had a TV. A lot of the “good Mormon Boys” won’t watch TV on Sunday but I don’t see the harm in it. We just watched “The Wonderful World of  Disney and  later “Hec Ramsey.”

            Later Bill Hutchinson, Dave Kirkham and I and some other kids stayed up until 2 in the morning just visiting about life. 

Additional Material

Bill Hutchinson was a roommate of Steve Wellings. Bill was called to serve in Norway and Steve went to Thailand.

Dave Kirkham was Jim Lillis roommate, and he was called to serve in the French Belgium Mission.              

29 January 1973 Monday

I slept in until 9 this morning and only made it to my Middle Eastern History Class and to Old Testament before going back to the commons for lunch. I had missed breakfast. I received a letter in the mail today from Laura Edmunson. She seems to be in a very good mood, and everything is alright with her.

            My afternoon classes were Historiography and Church History. After the classes I went to the music record library and checked out three records today. One was the sound track from Lion In Winter which I listened to over and over all afternoon.

            In the evening at 7:30 I attended Family Home Evening. I don’t know many of the kids in my family that well because we are all from different dormitories. I really only know Darwin Ross and Bill Hutchinson. This Sister, Melinda, gave the lesson tonight on the Love of God. Next week we all plan on going to see The Poseidon Adventure playing at a theater downtown as an activity.

            After Family Home Evening I played “Crazy 8” with Bill Hall and Randy Gormley and a friend of theirs too. I heard from Ken Lewis that Mormons aren’t supposed to play with face cards but that’s ridiculous and not a hard rule. Randy got mad that he lost, and we had a shaving cream fight which I lost when he held me down and covered me with foam.

            Randy is about 3 years younger than me with well below standard’s approved hair length. I am surprised he gets away with it. He’s a jock and I think he snow skis more than he is in class. He acts super hard and tough because his family are rich, but I think he’s just compensating for being a small-town hick. He was probably a high school bully and is always slugging me in the arm or trying to get me in an arm hold to show how tough he is but he’s not and I think jealous of the amount of time Bill Hall spends with me preferring my company to his. Gormley has to be the center of attention.

              Bill is so unlike Gormley who is mainly obnoxious because Bill is very, very quiet  and shy. He is friendly enough with those he knows but is reserved around others. I think they are from the same town in one of the Dakotas. They both have put in their papers and are now more or less just waiting for their Mission call.

This is a letter I received from Mom dated 29 January 1972:  Dear Son Received your letter Did you get the suitcase and the $20 I sent? If not let me know. I haven’t went back to work yet. Daddy is play around with his rocks. Dennis and Charline are looking for a house in Corona. I’m babysitting today. Mom hasn’t wrote in a while Guess everybody us ok. Here’s Tom Johnson 12062 St. Mark Garden Grove Calif 92645 Kent Larson 12052 St. Mark Garden Grove. I really don’t know any news So will close for now. Love Mom

This is the letter I received from Laura Edmunson dated January 24 Wednesday. “Dear Edgar, Hi. I called your house last night but alas you weren’t there!!! I had a nice visit with your Mom! What a bummer  getting snowed in!! I’ll bet you’re probably freezing to death. I know it would take me about 3 years  to get used to the cold weather after being spoiled by Southern California,

I had my last final today- It was in my film class. He gave us a  really hairy objective test. He asked a lot of stupid  nit-picky questions  mostly about films we never saw (just ones he mentioned in lectures) but I have (or should I say had)) an A in that class so in spite of the final I ought  to be able to pull a B out of that class without too much hassle.

 

I’ve got my jury on Friday. My piece is coming along pretty well. But the thought of having to play for all my directors  and  the department  chairman makes me want to throw down my horn and change my major! And to top it all off, I’ve got a stupid canker sore in my mouth so that after I play for a few minutes I have to stop because it hurts! I just hope I’ll be alright for the jury. It means so much to me to play well!

I’m watching TV, a really good movie just started. It’s called “Go Ask Alice” and is on the 90 minutes movie on Channel 7. It’s about a 15-year-old girl who gets onto drugs and dies from an overdose. It’s a true story based on the girl’s diary/ It’s only been on for 15 minutes but it’s really fantastic.

Janet went home today. She doesn’t have any finals until Friday so she decided to go home for some free food! She’s saving all her money so she can go ad see Paul. He graduated from Fort Ord the week before Christmas and spent two weeks here before he had to report to a base in Georgia  on January 5 1973. Silly to write the year down but I am watching TV. Janet really enjoyed seeing him- They got things  figured out. They decided they love each other and Janet’s rally happy. It’s good to see her happy ad contented. I guess content is the word, I was looking for. At peace with herself. That’s it.

Today was so beautiful. It was cool but the sun was shining all day and it was so clear that it was absolutely  breath taking. A good day to be alive.

The wind ensemble at school leaves Monday morning for our yearly concert tour. Last year it was San Diego. This year it’s San Francisco. We keep a grueling schedule- five concerts and four clinics in four days. When we’re not  playing or giving clinics, we’ll be o  the bus moving to the next city. What a life. We keep that type of schedule until Friday. Friday we have the entire day free in San Francisco. We don’t leave there until midnight  Friday. Only one thing I feel uneasy about . I don’t have any friends in the group and the prospect of having an entire day in San Francisco and no one to share it with isn’t exactly something to look forward to. Maybe they’ll take the bus to th zoo or the bridge or something.

We’ve having a party Saturday . So, you remember LeBaron  from the dorms? And Vincent? Well  they came over the other night, ( they live here too)  and they wanted to have a party  to celebrate finals being over. They wanted to get together with us  and make a joint party- sort of join forces. That way we’’ get new people, help providing  food, and a funner  party. Anyway, it’s Saturday-I’m so excited. I haven’t been to a party since -I can’t remember when it was. I know I shouldn’t get so up about  a party  because it invariably  leads to a big letdown.  But I can’t help it. It so good to have something to look forward to.

Hey, I really wanted to see you before you left. I was just walking out the door to go over to Richard’s that Sunday when he came to tell me that you had already come over with your paper. I was going to call you Saturday only Richard had said you were going to be working on that paper. So, since I knew I would see you the next day I didn’t call. Then when I missed seeing you, I felt so bad. I wanted to tell you that if you need anything all you have to do is let me know and I’ll do anything I can. I just wanted you to know that I’m here if you need  me. Just call collect if there’s anything I can do – you know I care.

 The movies over now and I’m watching  Owen Marshall now. We have the day  off of work tomorrow because of Johnson’s burial. It’s going to be great to have a day off in the middle of the week.

I’m so glad we’re getting out of Vietnam. I was getting sick about our involvement . I had gotten so bad that every time I heard  about another school or hospital being bombed  out by us, had to clench my fists to keep from screaming. I don’t know whether all the death ad devastation was really worth it.

Such horrible  things- all those children who have never seen a world  without bombs and terrorism.

We were watching the announcement on TV last night. When Paul called Sunday he told Janet  that it was almost 100 percent  sure that he would be sent to Vietnam after he finished this 6 week long  training period. She was having a hard time accepting that and when the announcement came yesterday , she just started crying  and then I started crying . It was beautiful.

 I don’t think we’ve heard the end  of bloodshed there but thank God we won’t  be there wen it  happens. I’m so relieved that they’re coming home. Wow.

I read a really  good book the other day Irving Stones “Lust for Life” a novel about Vincent Van Gogh. It was really good .

Well, I suppose I should stop writing and go to bed. I’m not usually up this late., but with the holiday tomorrow I can sleep late. Wow.

Write when you can-I’m dying to hear all about BYU. The people-everything. Janet says hello.

I’ll be thinking of you at the party Saturday. It’s too and you couldn’t be here. Take care of yourself, you Hear

Love Laura”

30 January 1973 Tuesday

This is a letter I wrote to my sister: “Hi Donna. What’s new in California? Everything is fine here in Utah. Things are starting to warm up again to 35 degrees. It was for a while just a few degrees above zero. Mom said you got a job. That’s good because I am wondering if you could send me $2 until I can get some money. Send it airmail because I need it by Monday.              I’m taking 19 units this semester with 4 religion classes and 4 history classes. I might not graduate as soon as I thought because here at BYU for a history major, they require 12 units of a language, and I haven’t any. I could take two summer school sessions and a 3^rd class next fall to get 12 units  and then I wouldn’t be behind, but I won’t be able to work up in the mountains with Kent. I just might get a waiver on my language requirements, but I doubt it.  I can take my entire teaching degree requirements in one semester which will help I can tell you. 

Brigham Young is so fantastic that it’s unbelievable. Even though 25,000 students are going here, the teachers are fantastically helpful and go out of their way to help the students.  I had to get a haircut though. There are a few kids on campus with hair that was longer than mine but there isn’t any long hairs like at Cal State Fullerton. There’s about 300 Black students at BYU which isn’t very much but then there aren’t that many Blacks in Utah and in the church.

I might be able to do some baptisms for the dead soon if I can get my records transferred up here from Garden Grove.  My roommate is a returned missionary from Brazil and most of the kids on the floor are just back from missions are preparing to go on one. I guess I will go on one sooner or later.

The campus at BYU is one big dating game with most of the girls here looking for available returned missionaries to marry.  Everything on campus is relatively cheap, about 50 cents for a movie while most games are free and few of the drama productions are too.

It was $300 for tuition and $435 for room and board until April 20. None of my books were really expensive either and I only paid $50 for 19 units’ worth of books.  I brought $700 up with me so I still owe  about $78 on my dorm but I have the money, it’s just getting it up here. If I wouldn’t have wasted all that money at Fullerton I could have been out of school by now.

BYU is everything a college should be. It’s situated in a small college town covered with snow, has concerned and caring faculty, a united student body, and an active sports team. It is really wonderful here with all the Rah! Rah! Sis! Boom! Bah! Type of atmosphere so different from California.  There’s no drugs, no smoking no drinking , just 25,000 college age kids sharing a common faith in Jesus Christ and Joseph Smith and undivided in our unity.

About 2 weeks ago the Apostle Elder Monson came to the campus and admonished us to Listen, Learn, Labor, and Love and this coming Sunday guess who is coming? The Prophet himself and the First Presidency to dedicate a new building on campus. He will be here at 7:30 so I am going to be there at 6 to get a front row seat to see the Prophet up close and the flesh. Afterwards I might get a chance to shake his hand. These prophets and apostles, Donna, seem to stand out above the crowd. I know because when the Apostle Monson walked in with a crowd around him, I knew he was the Apostle even though I never had seen him before, There is  a special glow about these men who bear the Priesthood. I’m really looking forward to this Sunday because it will be the most exciting day in my life. 

Donna, I know you haven’t any money either but if you could send me about $2 every other week, I’d pay you back as Soon as I get work back in California and it would help me out so much, If you can’t afford it never mind, It’s all right. Well, I guess I’ll let you go, Here’s a letter enclosed from Grandma. When you are done reading it don’t throw it away but just bring it over to the house and save it for me. Love from your only brother.

31 January 1973

No Entry

 

February

Preface

The month of February kept me extremely busy in my academic courses as I was taking 19 semester units. However, I soon became aware of the homoemotionally charged atmosphere of living in an all-male dormitory with sexually repressed teenagers. Some of our experiences bordered on the homoerotic but as far I knew no one was sexually active beyond making out on heterosexual dates which was almost mandatory.

            There were very few Returned Missionaries in the hall, so most of the Mormon boys wore regular tight underwear when hanging out in the evening after classes; visiting with one another in our dorm rooms.

Our dorm rooms consisted of two built in single beds across from each other, a study desk at the head of the bed and a built-in wall closet and drawers at the foot of the bed. The rooms were probably no wider than 12 feet across with about 4 feet of floor space between the beds. Many times, some of the kids would come into my room, sit on the floor with their backs to Ken Lewis’ bed, and use their legs and feet to kick me and my mattress up against the wall. They were not malicious but just mischievous and knew that I was good natured by their pranks, and I pulled some of my own.

            I was emotionally attached to Bill Hall, a blond 18-year-old boy with a wrestler’s build. He used to grab me and wrestle with me up and down the hall to the great envy of Jim Lillis who had a strong crush on him also. Jim at one point actually came to me and asked me to not be so involved with Bill because I had so many friends in the hall, and he only had Bill. I certainly dismissed that thought because I loved being pinned by Bill and feeling his heavy breathing on my neck and his hard dick pressed up against my belly.

            Once Elbert Peck stood in my room watching Bill straddling me and he made a comment that what we were doing seemed like sex more than horseplay. I actually think he was jealous. The sexual tension of so many of those young men was almost palpable and I was in heaven.

            Often a group of us would on cold wintry evenings get naked and go turn the showers on full blast/ We would then stop up the drain with a towel. There was about an eight-inch tile lip around the shower front enclosure so as to keep the water from spilling out into the rest of the bathroom. We then would sit down in the hot pooling water with the steamy water jets pouring down over us. It was like a steam room communal bath, and we would stay in the shower for hours. I am surprised that we didn’t get in trouble using so much hot water. Again, I was in heaven and was spiritually bonding with these boys in a way I never had before or would again.

            Outside of the dorms,  I found all these isolated clandestine men’s room where I could do my toilet business in private and sometimes masturbate to my great guilt. In these locations in the Smith Field House and in the basement of the Jesse Knight Building I often was intrigued by Gay graffiti scribbled on the walls. Some of them were so plaintive as I remember that one commented “I need a BJ. I am desperate”.

I never acting on these messages as I was still enthralled with all the wonders of being at BYU.  Once however while sitting in one of the stalls some boy came in and sat in the next stall. I was hoping he would leave so I could do my business in peace but the longer I sat there the longer he stayed. When I realized he wasn’t leaving I left the building only to find that he was following me like a hound dog. He must have thought I had gone into the stall for sex. He kept following me until I confronted him and said to leave me alone because I was not interested.

            Much of my free time was also taken up with the Gnostic psychography that was still compelling me to write the Gospel of St. Peter. I still can’t explain this period; although some of my dorm mates knew I was intently writing on something cryptic that I would not share with them. These writings which at the time I considered sacred were one of the reasons that I came to Provo in the first place having never been here before and knowing no one.

            With so many conflicting emotions and desires I did not write regularly in my journal. I think I was afraid of what I might reveal about my homosexuality that I was determined to repress and reject to be the best boy ever.

1-February 1973

No Entry

2 February 1973  Friday

I received a letter from my sister Donna Pierce. Her  return address was 915 South Nutwood, Anaheim.  She wrote “Dear Jr. Everything is fine here.  I like my job.  I work days most of the time.   I have only to work 2 nights  Tuesday and Thursday so it’s not bad.  School starts  Monday but I only go Tuesday and Thursday again.

Dennis has been visiting his parents for the past 4 days He is supposed to come home Tuesday. I hope so.

            Charline got rid of her dog because it chewed  up everything. She took it to the pound.  Dennis doesn’t know it. He thinks she gave it away. He’d kill her if he knew .

I haven’t bought my books yet, but they won’t cost much. I’ll bet $200 from my income tax. I already  sent it in. I’m glad  you like Utah. I know you didn’t like Fullerton too much.

            Everybody’s fine here, I guess. Charline and Dennis want to buy  a house in Corona. Don’t know if they will yet. Well, I can’t think of anything else

Love Donna.

3 February 1973

No Entry

4 February 1973 Sunday

Additional Material

The Marriott Activity Center at BYU was official dedicated by President Harold B. Lee and the Quorum of Twelve.

5 February 1973 Monday

I received a letter from my mom addressed to Edgar H Williams 2216 C Helaman Hall Provo, Utah. Dear Son, Will try and write a few lines. It’s cloudy and cold here. Looks like it might rain. Did you get your money from the bank? I went and paid off your checking account. Coming home on Riverside Freeway as I went  under the Harbor overpass someone threw a rock and broke the windshield in your car. I got it fixed. Insurance paid all of it.  Your Dad hasn’t been feeling too good. I worry about him. I guess I’m finally getting  over the flu. Charline and kids are all well.  Barbara got the flu and Lisa the chicken pox. I guess if it’s not one thing it’s another.  As soon as I get your W2 forms I’ll send them to you. Charline and Dennis are talking about buying a house at Corona. They sure need a bigger place. Plus, James  will start school this year. Time sure does fly. I am keeping all the papers I thought you might be interested in.  Well take care and write.  Love Mom and Dad.

Additional Memoirs

The letter was dated February 3^rd and post marked the 5^th. Barbara mentioned is Barb Welte the wife of Frank Welter and their youngest daughter Lisa. Frank and Barb were family friends who once lived near Mom and Dad on Dale Street but later bought a home in Fullerton. When I was in college at Cal-State I would often be at their home.  Frank was actually a pedophile who molested me from 7^th grade until I was a Junior in high school.

6 February 1973 Tuesday

This is a letter I wrote to my mother: “Dear Mom Thought I’d drop you a line between studying. Everything is fine here. Yesterday I went with my “family” to Salt Lake City to see Bill Cosby at the Salt Palace. It cost a $1.75 but it was fun. Salt Lake City is about a 45-minute drive from here. First time I’ve been out of Provo.

On Sunday the Prophet and the Apostles came to BYU to dedicate a building.  I know with perfect assurance now that a Prophet of God, as in the days of old, guides this Church through direct revelation from Christ.

            It sure is becoming Spring like here. Almost all the snow has melted except for on the Mountains. It rained here last Friday and today it snowed but it melted before it hit the ground. It’s warming up some too. But I really could use that umbrella.

            I know most if the kids now pretty well, so I don’t lack for company. The dorm life isn’t that bad. I still haven’t gotten my refund from the school so I’m a little low on money, like none, but it should be coming at the first of next week.

            Have you sent my W-2 forms yet? I haven’t received or heard from you since you last sent up the suitcase with my clothes and records. I could start using the typewriter now because I have a paper due in 2 weeks and you know how slow I type.

            Has Charline and Dennis found a place yet? I wonder if Corona is such a good place for James with all that smog. Sounds like Donna misses her boyfriend Dennis when he went home over the semester break from the letter, she sent me.

            You know what you could do if you want to? How about making something to eat and send it up here. Dorm food gets old real fast and besides these Mormons don’t know how to cook good.

            Mom, I got the family traced but your side is going to be hard because the Johnson and McLeod’s are so common. I included a brief outline of what I’ve found so far about the Williamses. You can let Grandpa Williams have it and quiz him about the Persers and his father. I don’t know anything about them. It’s ridiculous to know about relatives over 300 years ago and not know anything about my great grandfather.

            Well, I got a mid-term tomorrow, so I have to let you go. Love Jr.”

7-8 February 1973

No Entries

9 February 1973 Friday

My sister Donna wrote me a letter on this date. “Dear Jr.  Well I guess you haven’t heard the news yet, Dennis and I  broke up Monday.  We didn’t have a fight. He just didn’t want to be tied down anymore. I knew it would happen sooner or later. We are still friends. So I moved back home again. Right now I feel kind of bad because I cared more for Dennis then I have for anyone one in a long time. But that’s what  happens when you get involved  with someone. I was kind of hoping that this time it would have lasted  but that’s the way things go. I will be lonely for a while but I still got my schooling  though I don’t know  what I’m going to do with it and I’m working. At least I can save some money now and my grades will probably improv too. 

You don’t have to worry  as you know I’ve always  survived from my adventures. Dennis taught me a lot Jr. I won’t go back to running around with a bunch of different guys  and going to bed with whoever I please. I have more self-respect and confidence in myself now. I’m glad I met Dennis . He’s a very good person. Other then that there not much going on.

Charline and Dennis might buy a house and I hope s for the kids sake. Well I giess that’s all. I’m sending  you $5 to last you for  a while.

            Love Donna”

10 February 1973 Saturday

Jr You will have to set the type yourself All the keys are in the right place now, Get some erase paper so you won’t get all messed up. Will write soon and make some cookies.  Will send you the money for an umbrella. Can’t get it to fit in the box. Donna moved back home. Dennis didn’t want to live together anymore. She don’t seem to be taking it that hard. Guess she knew it wouldn’t last forever. How’s that for typing : Love Mom

11 February 1973 Sunday

Laura Edmonson wrote me a long letter dated Sunday eve February 11 and sent me a box of homemade cookies I shared with the guys on the floor. She wrote: Dear Ben, Hi! It was good to get your last letter-it’s really great to hear from you!1 Sounds as if everything is going fine with you!! It must be so exciting to go to a school like BYU! I’m insanely jealous, you know!!! How are your classes going? Speaking of classes, ours start tomorrow . What a bummer. My schedule looks pretty good. But I’m going to be taking  2 tough music classes- Medieval & Renaissance music history and 16^th century counter point. They’re both hard classes so I’m expecting to have to work pretty hard. I guess I just  enjoy punishment, Oh well.

Your roommate exorcising a spirit! Wow! What was it like? Sounds a lot more exciting than anything I’ve done lately!! What’s your roommate like? How do you get a log with him? How was Bill Cosby? He’s always been one of my favorites!!

Semester break wasn’t too bad- of course the first week was spent on tour. Then I worked full time last week. Oh-one exciting thing did happen. I had my youngest brother (7-year-old Norman) come and spend the night with me! You see he was jealous because all my other brothers  and sisters have spent the night down here. And so poor little Norman was feeling very left out. So, I brought him down here and took him out to Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner which was a real thrill because going out for dinner like that is something my parents just don’t do very often. (you know how cheap my dad is!!!)  Then we watched the Lake Game on TV and played some games- he beat me on every one, the little  creep.  He’s a game freak and he’s bugged everybody at home so much that they’re all getting sick of playing games with him. He slept in a sleeping bag on the floor by my bed- he really dug it!! He’s a funny little kid- not at all like most 7 year old boys. And I really love him.

Janet goy back this afternoon. She’d been home fore the whole break. Haven’t really talked to her very much.  I had rehearsal for Kismet until 5:30 (she wasn’t here when I left  or rehearsal) and then I fixed dinner and washed and set my hair. Now it’s 7:30-she’s been busy unpacking things so she hasn’t been too talkative!!

Paul called tonight -Janet said he was really feeling down. Georgia’s been having really bad weather- there’s a couple of feet of snow on the ground & the weather has been rotten. Also, there‘s no privacy and I guess he’s getting uptight  about that.  He needs to be alone at times (like everybody else) and its just not possible in the army. He called Janet in Riverside this morning ad called again tonight because he wanted to talk some more. (He calls her collect every Sunday-I can’t wait to see the phone bill!!)  But I guess he's doing pretty  well!! He sent her a card the other day-This week was their first anniversary of their first date. She’s all jazzed about that-not that I blame her. It’s really terrific  when guys remember things like that.

Speaking of anniversaries, it’s just a year ago  that we moved into the other apartment. It seems almost unbelievable  how quick that year passed and how much happened in that year. Amazing .

I’m afraid  that I’m the wrong person to ask about what happened with Dave & Phyllis. You see, the inevitable has happened-you won’t be surprised though because you told me it would happen and I, in my naivety didn’t believe you.!! That’s right, time has done its deed- I don’t feel close to either of them anymore. Remember how you told me that the three of us would grow apart & how there would come a time when the closeness I felt to them would fade away. I remember that every time we talked about that happening, I told you that it never would.  But you were right. We’ve sort of drifted apart. I think I already explained what happened  between Phyllis & I a couple of letters ago-I haven’t seen or heard form her since Halloween. At the  beginning of the year, I still felt very close to Dave – I felt a very special kind of bond  existed between us. But as the months have gone by, I’ve sensed a change. He’s got  a whole new circle of friends  and a whole life in Glendale and we just don’t have that much to talk about any more.

When we do  talk it’s  always about things we used to do in the dorms. You know he was only in the dorms for a little less than two months and when all you do is talk about what happened in that short of a time it’s pretty bad. So anyways, we’ve grown a part and that bond  just doesn’t seem to exist anymore. I write him  but he doesn’t write back and every time I try to talk about something less superficial than things that we used to do, it doesn’t work. So that’s the story!!

I’m sorry if I’ve rattled on & on but I thought you would  like to know  what things  were like now. Also, because I knew you would understand and  it’s reassuring  knowing there’s somebody  who understands.

 I know what you mean about things becoming habitual and losing their excitement. I’m trying to avoid having that happen. I know it’s crazy but I get such joy out of living, out of everyday things like the sun and clouds and trees. I find something new and exciting out o life every day. I guess it’ just  my way of trying to keep out of the rut I find myself in every once in a while. It’s  my way of keeping  things meaningful and gives value to living!! Like somebody said, When you stop growing, you stop living” And I love life so much!!

 Well, I really can’t think of much else to write about so will close for now. I don’t know if I’ll have much time for writing this week-new semester & rehearsals for Kismet. (We open on Friday)  Take care of yourself, Ben!! Love & Prayers Laura PS  Hope you like the cookies.”

Additional Material

Vietnam War: The first American prisoners of war are released from Vietnam.

12 February 1973 Monday

I received a letter from Grandma Williams regarding some family histories I was beginning to collect.  She wrote, “Dear E.H. Jr. Will try to answer your letter. I just can’t seem to get started. Boy, it sure has been raining here, it started Saturday and it looks like it might start any minute and it rained almost all day yesterday. We couldn’t hardly get off to church. Bill and Bonnie came Friday about noon  and just left. They came up and got eggs for everyone.

Everything is sure getting green and pretty around here. We sure have had enough water to make things grow. This draw we have to cross here on Avenue F was just like a river yesterday morning when we went to church, and it was really rolling . It was nearly a foot and a half deep.

            Well, here are some of the dates you wanted. Edwin Louis Williams birth 8-12 1873. Rosa Lee Perser Williams 11-14-1876. They were married in Cass County, Texas but I don’t have the exact date but about 1893.Their first child was born in 1894. Granddad Williams died 8-18-1935 and was buried at Dickens, Texas and Granny Rose died 1-14-73 and was buried at Dickens age 96. She was also born in Cass County. She passed a way in Plainview. Granny’s name was Perser but your grandpa doesn’t know their names so we will try to go see Aunt Nora soon and see what we can find out.

            My father’s name was Mabry Oscar Danforth born April 13, 1875 died June 18, 1946, Mama was Minnie Gertrude Peacock born Feb. 16, 1888 died Jan. 6 1961 both buried  in Downey. They were married in Stonewall County Tex. Apr. 21, 1901. My Grandpa Peacock was John William  born May 20, 1862. Died Sept 26, 1929, Peacock, Texas. Grandma Peacock was Maggie Roden Wilson born April 30, 1866 died April 11, 1923 at Plainview, Texas both buried at Petersburg, Texas. They had 12 children 7 boys and 5 girls. My great grandfather Danforth was Theopilis  Danforth  born 1795 Vermont died Sept 1877, Fate County Mississippi. Great grandmother Danforth was Lucretia. I don’t know her last name born 1818 Tennessee 1893 Coahoma County, Mississippi.

Great Grandfather Holt died 1865 Fate County, Miss. Great grandmother Jane Holt born in Tennessee  died 1864 Fate Co. Mississippi.

            My grandfather Danforth Theopolis Bazell Danforth  born Mar.12, 1849 died March 26 1934 buried at Causey, New Mexico. Grandmother Danforth was Minerva Anne Holt born Nov. 6, 1854 in DeSoto County, Miss died June 1, 1892 Gordon, Texas. They were married Jan 8 1874 Fate County, Miss. They had 8 children, 3 boys , 5 girls. If I have left out anything you can let me know.

We will try to see Aunt Nora and find out about the Persers. Grandpa hates to drive so we don’t go very much but we can go over there some week day and the traffic won’t be so bad if we come home ahead of the work traffic.

I know it is real pretty there in Utah. I have been through there once or twice, but I sure would love to come up there while you are there and see some more of the country. I always wanted to go see Salt Lake City, but we never got that far. Provo was the farthest we got on our way to Lincoln Nebraska.

            We gave Big John away and we sure miss him but we didn’t have a yard for him so we thought best to give to someone who would give him a good home and when we go off, we don’t have to worry about him.

Your mother and Dad may come next week and I sure hope so we haven’t seen James and Denise in a long time as they have had the flu when we were down last.

Well, I guess you are tired of this newspaper by now so will write  you again soon. Forgive me for waiting so long to write. Take care of yourself and be a good boy. I sure wish you would go to church if there is one in Provo. We worry about you because we love you.

Write when you can  We love to hear  from you. You an Marilyn are the only ones who write. Love and May God bless and keep you. Grandma and Grandpa Williams.

Added Note-

Actually Grandma’s great Grandfather was Thomas Bassell Danforth and great grandmother was Lucretia Morgan. Grandma’s grandfather Theophilus Bassell Danforth as named for Lucretia’s father Theophilus Morgan.

            Grandma must have always heard the name of the county in Mississippi incorrectly as it was Tate not Fate County which separated from DeSoto County.  

            Most of these dates were taken from a Peacock and Danforth family Bible. Grandpa Williams never cared much for his family and after his parents left Cass County for Dickens County, he could not care less about his relatives. Aunt Nora Davis was his maternal aunt.

            On the back of her letter, I wrote information about my sisters and cousins some just from memory at the time.

Frances Ann born September 12, 1945 in Amherst, Texas married Eddy Griess, children stepson Ricky, Lisa May 19, 1966, Steve Dec. 21, 1967

Charline born June 9 1947 in Los Angeles, California  married Denns Ray Wachs 31 July 1970 children James Edgar Clark Dec 1, 1968 in Artesia, California, Denise Elizabeth born Oct 22, 1971 Bellflower.

Marilyn Kay born May 8, 1948 in Los Angeles, California married Danny Lee Stevens children Dena Aug 1970, Danny Lee Jr. May 3, 1972

Donna Faye born 25 June 1949 in Amherst, Texas divorced Terry John Pierce

Gary Wallace born Aug 17, 1952 Yucaipa, Ca, married Lynn 21 July 1972

Terrie Lynn born May 1954 Lynnwood, California married Steven

Larry Paul Fagan born Jan 21 1954 Lynnwood, California

Stephanie Irene born Nov 29, 1956 Lynnwood California

Gregory Lynn born Feb 2, 1962 Lynnwood California

My uncle R.L. Williams was raising his wife’s granddaughter Collen Clark born Feb 1957

13 February 1973 Tuesday

This is a letter I wrote to my mother: “Hi Mom, I got the package last Monday. I had a kid, down the hall, take me down to the bus depot to pick it up. Everything in it was fine except I think there’s something wrong with the typewriter. When you type on it, did the ribbon turn, because it doesn’t here. I wonder if something happened to it because the ribbon used to move. That’s really not too much of a problem because I am such a slow typist, I can move it by hand. It’s just somewhat of an  inconvenience.

            I wrote you about going to Salt Lake with my BYU family to see Bill Cosby at the Salt Palace, didn’t I? It was a pretty good evening ‘though we were so high up and away from the stage that we really couldn’t see him.

            I was called to talk next Sunday in Sunday School on Charity. I passed the Lord’s Supper a few weeks before that, but I still can’t do much because I am a Deacon. I’ll probably be either a Teacher or Priest by the time I come home this April.

            I figured out my income tax  and out of the $198 that I paid out  of my wages, I only had to pay $37 to the government so that I’ll get $161 back which I’ll pay two car payments and the car insurance. I owe the state $5.33 which I won’t pay until April.

            It sure has been pretty up here nice and clear. It’s warming up some and all the snow on the ground is gone compared to what it was when I first arrived. It’s in the mid-40’s which might sound cold but isn’t because it is very dry here. That Pendleton jacket and scarf is all I really need most days.

            In the bathroom there is one of these air hand dryers and everyone sits under it to dry their hair. So far, I had shaving cream sprayed on me twice while I was asleep and cold water thrown on me in bed. But that is mild compared to some of the other stunts pulled like yesterday when I short, sheeted Brian Smith’s bed and he pushed his foot through it. I got chased down the hall for that one and locked out on the balcony in my pajamas and bare feet.

            The kids may be Elders of Israel on Sunday but the rest of the week they are pretty rambunctious. They’re all good kids though. Well, I will let you go. Tell Donna to write. Edgar Jr.

Additional Memoirs

I was 21 years old when I joined the Mormon Church in May 1972 however, I was not given the Aaronic Priesthood until December when I had my Bishop recommend done to attend BYU. My Bishop was so neglectful that he was surprised when I was asked what Priesthood I held, and I said none. He sheepishly said, “How did we forget about you?” I was forgotten because no one cared enough to check on me. He immediately bestowed the Aaronic Priesthood on me so I could assume the duties of a Deacon. According to my age I should have been at least a Priest as that Deacons are usually ordained at the age of 11.

14-15 1973

No Entries

16 February 1973 Friday

I was surprised to have received a letter for Barbara Williams a friend of Laurie Edmunson but who I didn’t know all that well. She’s fun and I once made a belt for her when I worked at Taco Bell. She lives in the same apartment Complex on Ruby Drive as Laura and Janet but not with them. She must have been visiting with Laura as her letter was dated Valentine’s Day, the 14^th.

She wrote; Dear Edgar, Greetings! I thought you might  be lonely out there in that magical land of icicles and snowflakes (formerly known as Utah). So I decided to write and fill you in on the totally exciting happenings in your former “home town” namely Fullerton, U.S.A.

Don’t worry if you don’t have time to read this letter in it’s entirety (meaning in one sitting). It can’t offend me. I fully realize that snow play is far more interesting than reading a letter of the area called Orange County.

            We’ve had rain. It rained the entire two-week break and is still raining on and off. But does that stop the excitement? Judge for yourself.

Laura and Janet had a splendid party February (correction) January 27^th. Sorry you couldn’t make it. But believe it or not everyone  still had a lot of fun.  Although I heard  it had a slow start, everything had brighten up by the time I got there. Vincent & L.B. were eating. Laura and Dave chatting. Henry was sulking. (Janet wasn’t with him) and Janet andKen (Laura’s brother) were hiding in the kitchen.

Gary ( a friend of Paul’s) was introduced to me & we made a liquor run & various others were milling as the record player was playing. A normal party without drunks and free from really gross jokes and conversation along those lines (if ya know what I mean!)

So the party ended  & we all went home to enjoy a fast two week break. I, of course  had to work putting in overtime. But I did manage to sneak away one day to go skiing at Big Bear (it snowed & sleeted & rained  while we were there & I had a minor operation. I had four wisdom teeth taken out. Now we are back in school. Excitement. See you around & don’t get bored up there, y’hear?

Barb

PS If you want to read a good book, read The Late Great Planet Earth by Hal Lindsey. It’s good.

PPS How’s the pinto running?

17 February 1973 Saturday

This is the Letter I wrote to my sister: Hi Donna. I filled out my income tax form the best I knew how, I have figured out I’ll get back $161 because I made $2,300 last year and had to pay the government $37. I owe California $5.33. Big Deal.

            Well, the semester is half over. Eight more weeks and I’ll be through. I’m really piled down right now because Tuesday I had a test in my Mormon and Christian Traditions class which I got 51 out of 53 points and an A. Thursday I had a test in Doctrine and Covenants. Last week I had an midterm exam in Historiography  and in my Church History class. Next Monday I have a test in History of Religion in the U.S.  Then on Tuesday I have a test in Utah History and on Wednesday a paper is due in my Middle East History class. Another paper is due Thursday in Utah History and Friday I have a test  in the History of the Middle East.  So, I’m really bogged down in my school work.

            Besides all this, I participated in the “ERA Bowl” last Tuesday and this Sunday I have to dive a talk in Sunday School on Charity. Then also I’ve been called by the MIA to be an editor of a “gossip sheet” more or less, about what’s been going on among the kids of Hall 2200 of Chipman.

            Mom’s cookies arrived yesterday, and they’re gone now. The kids in the hall consume packages from home faster than locust. Everybody had to admit they were good even though the Post Office must have played football with them because there was only about 3 cookies that weren’t all broken up,

            Thank you for the money,  Donna. It sure helps. There isn’t a whole lot you can spend money on here but once in a while I have to buy the refreshments for Family Home Evening and some of the kids want me to come along to the Varsity Theater once in a while. Love form your brother.

Additional Memoirs and Material

Elbert Peck was chosen as editor of the MIA Newsletter for Chipman Hall that listed activities and reported on the happenings on each floor. I was chosen editor for my floor. It was usually a mimeographed 2 sided folded publication on Golden Rod color paper as a Golden Plates motif. It had a catchy title, but I can’t recall what it was now as I didn’t record it in my journal

The New Era's intended audience was the church's youth and was in all the gathering areas of Helaman Halls. The ERA Bowl was a type of “College Bowl”. In its first issue, the editor of the New Era explained the rationale for its creation, stating: By direction of the First Presidency, the New Era is the publication arm of the Church to the unmarried persons of the kingdom—those from twelve up to marriage. It will reflect those qualities that have given rise to the Lord’s confidence in youth: sincerity, authenticity, intellectual stimulation, and inspiration.”

MIA stood for Mutual Improvement Association. In 1972, the Young Women Mutual I Improvement Association and the Young Men Mutual Improvement Association were combined into a new organization called “Aaronic Priesthood MIA Young Women” as an official auxiliary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This organization was short-lived, however, and the Young Women organization was separated from the Young Men organization and given its current name in 1974. Leadership of the auxiliary was shared between the presiding bishopric and the general presidency of the Young Women. Today in each local ward of the LDS Church, all females ages 11 to 17 are members of the Young Women MIA.

Elton John’s Crocodile Rock has been the number 1 song for three weeks now.

18-20 February 1973

No Entries

21 February 1973 Wednesday

Additional Material

There was a 5.8 earthquake at Point Mugu that affected the south coast of California with several people being injured and with damages totaling $1 million.

22-24 February 1973

No Entries

25 February 1973 Sunday

I was up at 8:30 this morning to get ready for Priesthood.  It began at 10 this morning . Today the Ladies Relief Society joined the Priesthood Meeting to watch a movie on the concept of active listening as a mode of communication and understanding. The film title was “Are You Listening”.  Also, we were told in Priesthood that we are to have a picture taken so it can be placed with our testimony in Books of Mormon to be sent overseas to Foreign Missions.

            For Sunday dinner were had steak for the second time in two weeks but the meal they served for supper wasn’t too good. The Cannon Center’s food, I don’t think, is not as good as the Commons was at Cal-State Fullerton and they were the greatest.

            In  the afternoon I finished typing up this week’s edition of the floor’s paper and listened to the album of Handel’s Messiah some. I met one of the other editors of the Chipman floor paper today. He seemed really interesting.

Additional Memoirs

Whenever I said a boy was interesting or nice, I probably meant “cute”, but I would not consciously admit that in my journal.  If someone read between the lines I rarely if ever mentioned girls in my writings.

26 February 1973 Monday

I didn’t get up today until 10:00 this morning because I was wore out from yesterday, so I didn’t attend any of my morning classes. When I went to lunch, I checked my mail box and I there was a letter from Laura Edmunson again. She mainly mentioned the earthquake they had out there was weak in West Covina. It did some damage around Oxnard, however. 

            When I came back from Family Home Evening, I found that Gormley had put shaving cream all around my door handle. When I went to confront him, he just laughed at me and tried to act tough to impress Randy Leavitt who was playing checkers with Bill Hall. I am so tired of his immaturity because he’s not funny anymore. He could tell I was really mad.

This is the letter I received from Laura dated Feb 21, 1973 Wednesday PM

Dear Ben Hi!! I’ve got 15 minutes till class starts. (We got out of rehearsal early this afternoon) so I thought I might as well get on writing you. Heaven knows when I’ll get to finish, but I’ll do my best. Last week was the busiest week I’ve had in a long time!! I got up at 6:30 every day worked until noon, then had classes until 6 or 7 every evening. That’s not bad, but when you consider that I had Kismet rehearsals every night from 7:30 till midnight or later, it becomes almost unbelievable!! I was running around like a crazy lady all week!! But opening night went fairly well- a little ragged in spots onstage but things in the pit were great. We’ve really put a lot of work into it, and it sounds terrific I went to the opening night party and finally got to bed around 2 a.m. I was so exhausted from the whole week that I slept until 1 p.m. Saturday afternoon!! Did the show again Saturday Eve, went to another party and slept till noon Sunday.  I studied and cleaned up the apartment- It really needed it too!! I went over to Gayle’s Sunday evening to kill some time- it was a fun evening!!  We made strawberry cobbler and watched The Ten Commandments on their color TV!! I’m not used to color TV, so it was a real treat watching it. We had a holiday Monday and yesterday, too. (we had classes last Monday, so they made Lincoln’s and Washington’s into a four-day holiday.) So, Monday, definitely in need of some hard-earned relaxation, I took off and went to the movies!! I saw Lady Sings the Blues and The Man. They were really good, and it was kinda nice to get away from it all for a few hours, anyway. Yesterday I worked an 8-hour split shift 9 a.m.- 1 pm the 6 pm -10om (for night court). Went to the dentist yesterday afternoon- he was absolutely vicious with the needle!! My mouth still hurts!! PAIN!!  Then I spent the night at home last night and worked this morning then I’ve had classes all afternoon. Such a long day!! It’s really hard to judge this soon, but it really looks like this is going to be a wild semester.  My classes are pretty tough. I’m taking Renaissance and Medieval Music History, Into to Sociology, Celtic and Germanic Mythology, Wind Ensemble, Applied Music Lessons, Orchestra Chamber music (quintet).   It seems like all I’ve been doing for the past week and a half is reading!! It’s ridiculous. Music History is a tough class- right now we’re learning how to transcribe medieval Gregorian Chants from its medieval notation into modern notation. It’s a really tough class. Sociology is boring- it’s a big lecture class- but I should be able to get a good grade easily. Mythology is a fantastic course!! The teacher is an elderly little lady who was born and raised in Ireland. She’s fantastic- it’s a joy to just to listen to and watch her talk.  So, overall, I’m pleased with my classes and if I keep up with the work I ought to be all right!!  We got our grades last week. I was so pleased!! I got 2 B’s (in my lessons and harmony class, 5 A’s (history, documentary film, band orchestra, and varsity band) and a credit in my teacher’s aide class. Nothing like bragging but I’m jazzed about being able to keep up with my grades with working and playing as much as I do!!! Besides, it’s nice to brag once in a while!!  It’s Thursday now- I’m sitting in my sociology class and it’s boring!!! There’s a really trivial conversation going on about constants and variables. Not worth paying attention to, really!!  As you can tell by the articles I’m sending with this letter, we had an earthquake yesterday. It was a strong one -5.7- but they say its depth was about 10 miles under the surface so there was little surface damage and no injuries which is really a minor miracle for one so strong. I spent the night at home that night (It was about 6:45 a.m.) and I am glad I was there. You know how petrified I am when it comes to earthquakes- they’re the one thing that can scare me completely and thoroughly. I didn’t stop shaking all day and I was so scared when it happened that I started  crying!!!  My dad panicked- normally he’s the most controlled person in any circumstance and it was strange to see him with his emotions showing!!! Mom didn’t think anything of it- She grew up in South Dakota where bad tornadoes and blizzards were common and to her a little shaking of the earth seems relatively harmless. I wish I could be that blasé!! The thing that scared me about this one was that it felt like the big one 2 years ago. The shaking stopped after a few seconds then started again and harder. It lasted about 30 seconds- a long time, as you know. However, in spite of my horribly traumatic reaction I’m glad to report that I survived the quake remarkably well!! Every time we have a strong one, I think about moving out of state. But wherever you go there’s something – blizzards, floods, hurricanes, dust storms – so I figure I’ll stay here!! Aren’t you thrilled?” We have been having absolutely gorgeous weather- it’s been in the high 70’s every day. It even got up to 80 one day!! It’s even been fairly clear out- and of course bright and hot and sunny. Hearing you say that it’s warming up to 45 degrees makes me shiver!! I’m definitely a warm- weather person!!  Thanks for your letter!! It was good to hear from you!! I was beginning to wonder of you had been turned into a snowman or something, but I know you’ve been busy so I’m grateful that you find enough time to write at all!! Well’s I’m running out of things to say. Besides this class is almost over- then I have a 45-minute break (lunchtime!!) before Orchestra at 3:00. Then after rehearsal, I have to go fight the mobs in the add-drop line. (Tomorrow’s the last day to add) So enough for now, I’m glad you liked the cookies- I hope the others got there without getting all broken up!! I’ll try to get more sent before long!! Till later then Love and Prayers Laura. [Addressed to Ben Williams C2216 Helaman Halls Provo, Utah 84601 Returned Address L Edmunson 2905 E. Ruby Apt B Fullerton Cal]

27 February 1973 Tuesday

Ken Lewis woke me up at 8:30 this morning with a wet rag in my face. Ugh. I suppose he thought that was funny. I got up at 9 and took a shower but I was still tired for much of the morning from Ken’s high jinks. I finished typing up a book report for my Utah History class  before lunch but didn’t slip it under Bro. Campbell’s office door until 1:30 in the afternoon.

Lunch was really grody and later dinner wasn’t much better. I am so tired of bland Mormon food. When I checked the mail box, while in the Commons, I didn’t receive any letters or news from home today.

            I went to Bro. Barrett’s Doctrine and Covenant  class after lunch, and I got my test back. I got 51out if 60 right so 85 percent. I then went back home to the dorm where Gormley apologized about last night.

After that Mark Goodman who lives on a different floor called me to come take some ink blot tests for a Master Thesis he is working on. He asked a bunch of guys last Sunday during Priesthood, but I think I am the only one who said okay. That was an experience and was really strange.  He wouldn’t tell me whether my answers were normal or not.

            I then went to the Smith Field House to run in the late afternoon before dinner and I ran 4 laps or a half a mile today. I started running about 2 weeks ago because the indoor track there is mostly empty. I left there to go up the hill to the Richardson’s PE Building to sit in the sauna to warm myself up. It must have been the Missionaries free day because they were swarming the Richardson’s PE Building.

The Apostle Elder Bruce R. McConkie spoke at the Tuesday Devotional about choosing a wife, but I didn’t go. The guys who went said it was inspirational but that’s all anyone thinks about is getting married. 

For MIA tonight there was a ‘50s dance and it was so much fun. The guys in the hall that went to it wore all the old styles out of the 1950’s . As one of the older guys I showed them how to grease their hair back and roll up our blue jeans in to cuffs to show off white socks. I even had them roll up the sleeves on their white tee shirts like hoods. Some guys even wore chains while others had on sunglasses. I drew tattoos of hearts with arrows through them on their upper arms.

            The dance began at 7:30 this evening and lasted until 9 at night. A real DJ played records from the 50’s and early 60’s such as “Tan Shoes and Pink Show Laces”, “Teen Angel”, and lots of Chuck Berry and Elvis Presley hits.

            The girls there tied their hair back into pony tails and wore blood red lipstick and fingernail polish. They tied scarves around their necks and their skirts were mid knee length and of course they wore the appropriate bobbysocks.

            Brian Smith won the prize for the best and most “Teen Angel” look.  He was so cool looking. His prize however was a jar of Butch Wax. That was funny.

At the dance for refreshments the MIA served banana splits and they were so good.  I really had a nice time dancing and rock and rolling.  The funniest thing was when Gormley tried to do the splits in a dance move he split his pants out. That was the best part seeing him so embarrassed when he things he’s so tough.

            The MIA dance ended a day that didn’t start out so hot. In the news some Lamanites had occupied a town in South Dakota because they said President Nixon had broken a promise to them.

Additional Material

Bruce R. McConkie gave a talk called Agency or Inspiration—Which? at Brigham Young University when he was a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

Lamanite is a Mormon term for Native Americans. The American Indian Movement occupied Wounded Knee, South Dakota

Butch Wax was a stiff hair control wax used for Flat Tops and Butch Haircuts popular as hyper masculine in the 1950’s and early 1960’s. 

28 February 1973 Wednesday

It rained for most of the day, but I wasn’t caught out in it, so it wasn’t too bad of a day. In fact, it was rather nice out because the rain warmed up the air and kind of thawed out things out.  I didn’t go to my US Religion Class or my Old Testament Class because of the rain but I did go to my History of the Middle East Class, along with my Historiography and Church History classes. Bro. Montgomery handed me back my test and my term paper which I turned in last week. I got a B on the midterm, but he gave me an A on my paper. 

Additional Memoirs

I did my term paper for my Middle Eastern History class on the subject of the role of Eunuchs in the Ottoman Empire’s court.  Bro. Montgomery was amused and intrigued by my choice of subject matter and once or twice I caught a glimpse of what seemed like  interest in me while visiting and bantering during his office hours.  I was restrained flirtatious with him as I thought he was handsome. He was only in his mid-30’s and I think that my suppressed but obvious effeminate homosexuality titillated him, but he kept a professional distance from me. He may have been an adjunct professor as I never found him in a list of former BYU faculty.

 

MARCH 1973

Preface

By March I had been totally indoctrinated into Mormonism in a very Cult Like fashion. It was a substitute family for me, one that I had abandoned for Mormonism. At the time I needed  Mormonism to feel loved, worthy, and sufficient. I believed that the Mormon falsehood that “Blessings were predicated on obedience” when I was taught an essential Christian belief by my family that salvation came by grace and that one could have a personal relationship with God without any mediator.  I was being taught now that the Prophet was the ultimate authority on Earth and stood between me and God’s will for me.

I was only allowed to study the doctrines of the LDS church through approved sources like the religion classes that were mandatory. At Cal State Fullerton I had taken religion class from a Rabbi as well as a Greek Orthodox Monk but at BYU all religious belief had to be filtered through an LDS perspective.

The LDS Church maintained its control over its youth at BYU by shaming. Priesthood leaders imposed abnormally strict codes of conduct  about sex, diet, and personal appearances by instilled a fear of violating their so-called Honor Code. These righteous men positioned themselves as the unique remedy to the feelings of guilt which they themselves created.  Worse of all BYU was an elitist institution.

Much of week was regulator by Church activities. Sunday was the Sabbath with obligatory attendance at Priesthood, Sunday School, and Sacrament Meetings. Monday was set aside for Family Home Evening where we were given a substitute family to mimic a real one. Tuesday was set aside for MIA activities where the guys and gals could mingle and socialize.

However, by March, I was already growing weary of the college regiment of attending classes, paper writing, and exams. The rose-colored glasses that I rose when I first arrived by now had been removed and I wanted to just have fun.

1-3 March 1973

No Entries

 

4 March 1973 Sunday

I was up for Chapel today at 9 this morning, showered and dressed for Priesthood which began at 10.  I walked over with Brian Smith and Clark Stevens. Barry Kennedy who is a counselor in the Branch Presidency gave the lesson today in  self-mastery. It was good but I felt as if I was at a Junior Executive Conference rather than at a Priesthood Meeting. Shouldn’t we be discussing the scriptures instead of how to manage the board room?

            Wayne Tuck was sitting behind me in class and was being a grouch because he just woke up. I think he is so funny. Wayne is like me; leave me alone in the morning. Right after Priesthood at 11:15 was Sunday School and I went to Elbert Peck’s class because everyone said his class was so good. He was called by the Branch Presidency to teach a Sunday School Class on the Old Testament.  I wasn’t very impressed because Elbert is just Elbert. His lessons are good, but he is so dramatic, and he is that way with me all the time.

            Right after Sunday School was the Fast and Testimony Meeting. I passed the Sacrament in my capacity of a Deacon. Afterwards I listened to Brian Taylor, Stewart Weed, Richard Bowman and Bob Dalley all bare their testimonies. It was a very religious and moving experience for me. I heard that Brian will be leaving on the 16^th of this month to prepare to go on his Mission to West Germany.  He’s the first to receive his call so everyone else who are waiting are on pins and needles.

            In the afternoon I went to Sunday dinner with some of the kids and then I spent the rest of the time writing my column for Elbert’s paper.  I also passed around the chocolate chip cookies  that mom sent me yesterday and the kids quickly emptied the two boxes.

            In the evening Bill Hall and I wrestled and later I discussed the Book of Job with Brian Taylor from the perspective my Rabbi professor taught me while at Cal State Fullerton. He is so anxious just to quite school and go now.

Additional Material

Bob Dalley was a roommate with Wayne Tuck. Bob  was called to serve in the Central California Mission. Wayne Tuck served his Mission calling in Ontario, Canada.

Clark Stevens was a roommate to Rod Peterson.  Clark was called to the French Belgium Mission and Rod was called to a Eastern California Mission.

Brian Taylor was roommates with Bill Taylor. Brian was sent to West Germany and Bill was called to serve in the Southern Mexico Mission.

Richard Bowman was roommates with Bruce Lloyd. Richard was called to the Hong Kong Mission and Bruce was sent to Northern England.

5 March 1973

No Entry

6 March 1973 Tuesday

Dear Cousin Edgar, I’m a poor hand to write but this is getting interesting. I called Ruby again. She is George Fenter’s daughter. All she knows is William Henry Fenter comes from Shardon County, Arkansas with his parents at the age of 2 and lived there till he died and is buried there. The Town Fenter was named for the Fenters . I don’t know what year. She did say he married a widow, Elisa Fox. Her maiden name was Elisa Dean. She had a little Fox boy. I know some of his descendants in Munday, Texas. Ruby said she remembered her daddy say that W.H and Elisa married the night the stars fell. So, if you know how to find that in history. It is recorded somewhere in the 19^th Century. Stars fell all night. Have you heard of Ike Peterson? He was a cousin of my mother’s. I thought he was Aunt Mary Jane’s son. Did she marry twice or maybe he was a cousin on Grandma Betty’s side. I think. Aunt Flora Patton was Uncle Rodric’s and Betty’s sister. I remember her. She lived at Quannah, Texas. Had a son named Farber. He is dead too. But we are looking for Fenters. When Aunt Mary Jane came to Texas in 1855 all the rest come too. So, Ruby thinks. Andrew’s first wife Margret Crawford was in Jack County. She died there and is buried in a little country cemetery close to Jacksboro, Texas. Uncle Mark came down from Kansas in 1949 and attended the Fenter Reunion at Jacksboro and he went and visited her grave. Andrew then married Betty Bunch. They had 3 children there then moved to the Indian Territory in Oklahoma. Settled on a place close to Cloud Chief or Gatebo and raised his family and died there. Grandma died about 2 months apart. I will send you Uncle Hube’s address. He is pretty sharp. He can tell you Uncle Lambert’s age and I can tell you Uncle Lambert drowned in Hammond, Oklahoma Flood April 4 or 2 of April 1934. His wife and 3 kids all were drowned. Never found his body. He married May Wilson in Roger Mills County Oklahoma about 1918 or 1919. His oldest child was 14 when they drowned in 1934. So, I’ll get Uncle Otis’ wife address for you and here is Uncle Huberts Hugh Fenter 121 Taleda Street, Santa Cruz, California,  I knew Olene and Lolene McLeod as Bill and Chick. They are about my age. I saw Aunt Ellen once that I remember, and I never saw Uncle Joe Bunch at all. He died at the age of 75 at Pampa, Texas. My brother Bert Brazell lived there when he died. Does your Grandma Tress Johnson have a home on Lake Stamford at Stamford, Texas? We live about 30 miles from them. My husband took my mother out there about 4 years ago. It is one of Essie’s sisters, so I wonder.  Ruby told me that Bob Fenter left Jack County and went to Oklahoma and died there in Oklahoma. Hope this answers a lot of your questions. I will start digging to help. I may go to Jacksboro one of these days. It is about 110 miles from me. Are you married? How old are you? Are you in college? Tell me a little about you. I am 64 been married 50 years December 8^th  this year. I am like Essie. So far, I haven’t had to miss anything. I work as a nurse and am still active. Mean as the devil wants me to be. Ha-ha  Although I go to church 3 or 4 times a week trying to be good. If your grandmother comes down this summer, you may come to visit her, and I can see you. I’ll close so write me what you figure out. Send these clippings back when you get the dates straight. You old cuz Grace

Additional Memoirs

I was interested in doing some family research while I had access to genealogical material at the J Reuben Clark Library. My Grandmother Johnson’s mother was Mary Ellen Fenter or married Roderick Elihu McLeod.  My grandmother was very cryptic and protective on her family’s history and would not share family information with me, so I had to contact distant relatives.  Grace Shue was the daughter Flora Fenter who was a half-sister to Mary Ellen Fenter. They were daughters of Andrew Hunter Fenter, my great-great Grandfather.

7 March 1973 Wednesday

Grandma wrote me a letter on this date after I sent her a letter asking for Grandpa William’s Aunt’s address. Nora Davis was the sister of my great grandma Rosie Lee Perser Williams. She wrote back , “Dear Edgar High Williams, we received your letter yesterday and was sure glad to hear from you and thanks for the papers. I will send Marilyn’s on to her. We are all well  and hope you are fine. April will soon be here, and you can come home. Are you going back here or will you finish there.

Well, it is cloudy here again today. It rained almost all day yesterday, but the sun came up and shinning but it is cloudy now. We sure have had lots of rain and the mountains are all covered with snow. I know it snowed up there yesterday for you couldn’t see the mountains for the clouds and they’re real dark clouds. I haven’t looked out yet this morning to see how low down the snow is but it is cold enough to be real low.

We went down last week end and saw all the folks but Donna. She was working. We spent the night,  Saturday, at Milton and Marie’s. Your Mother and Dad came over to Milton for a while Saturday night.

Milton and Marie’s club had a breakfast in their club house Sunday morning, and we went and Charline and Dennis came . Then they wanted us to come to Corona to see their place they are buying . They wanted us to go by and see it but they left before we did so we were afraid we couldn’t find it, so we just came home.

We also got a letter from Aunt Nora and she had passed out and fell and hurt her leg so she has been in the hospital and convalescent home every since so I don’t know just what her address will be or where she will be. We will try to go see her as soon as the weather clears up.

            Her home address is Mrs. Nora Davis 997 East 8^th Street, Upland Calif. 91786. Someone will take her mail, I am sure. Just tell her who you are, and I am sure she will answer your letter. I will answer your questions  next time as I am a little tired, I have written Beulah and Ed this morning.

We have our place up for sale. We are going to get us a mobile home as Grandpa can’t keep up so much outside working anymore so we have to keep things kinda cleaned up; some one might come by to look.

I am sure glad you are going to church as that is the only thing that counts in this world is to prepare for the next one. Money can’t buy that. I worry about  your mother and dad but I know he won’t go as long as he works where he does and I pray to God he will change  and start going back to church. We worry over our kids and Grandkids. No one but God knows how much . God bless you an keep you always. We love you. Grandma and Grandpa Williams.”

Additional comment

Grandma hated that dad worked for H & L Distributing which was a distributor mostly for Coors beer.   The Church of Christ abhorred alcohol in any form.

8 March 1973

No Entry

9 March 1973 Friday

At 7 this evening, Jim Lillis came into my room and asked me to go see the Poseidon Adventure with him. However, at 8 he came back and told me that some of the other guys on the floor wanted to go to Disneyland on the spur of the moment. I was caught up in the excitement and said that I live just about 2 miles from Disneyland, and we could crash at my folks place. I wanted to go home too, since we would be so close.

            After all the hubbub, only 4 of us really decided to go; Jim Lillis, Jim Kronus, Bill Hall, and me. All the others on the floor were obliged to stay the weekend because of the MIA Road Show or other obligations. Elbert Peck of course was one of the main participants in the Road Show or he would have gone with us, having never been to Disneyland. He really, really wanted to come so badly.

            Because none of the 4 of us had a vehicle, Renn Yorgason agreed to let us rent his car for the trip for $10 from each of us. We were off and on our way by 8:30. It was so unreal.

            We initially agreed to only drive-in two-hour shifts but once we were on the road that changed.  Jim Lillis was a little upset when we changed our minds to drive about 3 hours instead of 2.

            Our first stop was at Parowan for gasoline and since all the Mobile Gas Station for which Jim Kronus had a credit card were closed, I paid for gas in cash. It was about $5 for 17 gallons at 34 cents a gallon.  We were getting really good mileage driving Renn’s Dodge Challenger.

We didn’t change drivers until we reached Cedar City at midnight and Jim Lillis took over from Bill Hall.

            When we reached Las Vegas, it was about 2:30 in the morning or later. We stopped at the Golden Nugget Casino where we all had a breakfast for 39 cents. It consisted of 2 sausages, an egg and toast and was pretty good.

Additional Material

Renn Yorgason was a roommate with Monte Scherf. Renn went on to serve a mission in the Gulf States and Monte was called to Taiwan

10 March 1973 Saturday

            While in Vegas, stopping to fill up for gas, we discovered that Bill Hall had forgotten to put the gas cap back on in Parowan and we lost it. So, we had to buy a temporary one for $2. We were back on the road by 3:30 in the morning and we were on our way again. Jim Kronus  drove until about 5 until he couldn’t stay awake any longer. About 54 miles outside of Barstow, I took over and drove through Barstow down to Riverside where we stopped for gas again. We didn’t stop again until reaching Garden Grove at 7:30 and pulling into Mom and Dad’s driveway.

            They didn’t know I was coming home so it was quite the surprise when I walked in on them with the others. Jim Kronus folks lived in San Diego, so he took Renn’s car and drove down to see them while Jim Lillis and Bill Hall stayed at the house. I put them up in the spare bedroom and since Mom and Dad were up, I tried to sleep some more in their bed. After putting Jim and Bill to bed I stayed up and talked some with Mom and Dad before I went to bed at nine and slept until noon.

            Mom got me up for lunch and she had fixed a Spaghetti dinner, so I went to get Bill and Jim up, but they were so tired and cranky. However, I got them up showed them where the shower was and after eating some lunch off, we went to Disneyland at 1 in the afternoon. We stayed until 6:30 and went on everything except the Pirates of the Caribbean which was closed for repairs. We went on the Matterhorn twice because Bill liked that ride the best. I bought a Mickey Mouse hat to bring back for Tuck too.

            We stayed at Disneyland until 6:30 in the evening then came home to eat some supper. Bill and Jim wanted to go to the show, so we went to see Deliverance at the Edwards Cinema on Tustin Avenue. I was super tired and almost fell asleep during the movie, but Bill wanted to sit through it twice, so we didn’t get back to Mom’s until midnight. Jim and Bill slept again in the spare room while Mom made up the couch for me.

11 March 1973 Sunday evening

            Laura Edmunson wrote me a letter dated March 11 1973 Sunday Evening. Sge wrote, “Dear Ben, It was so good to hear your voice yesterday. I can’t think of a better way to be woken up. How’d your weekend turn out? It’s too bad the weather wasn’t better. It was pretty dreary out. What did your friends think of Disneyland? I hope I sounded reasonably coherent on the phone. 7:30  am just my best time of day. I’m just barely able to move that early, much less ready to carry on a rational conversation!! It was great to hear from you, though- really. I went back to sleep after you called and by the time, I woke up the mail was here. I got both your letters. The form one cracked me up- I read it downstairs and I got absolutely hysterical. It was really great- I can’t’ remember the last time I laughed that much. Then, after I calmed down, I read it again and started laughing all over again!! Thanks so much- you brought a lot of happiness into an otherwise blah day.

            This past week was a busy one- I had a big test in my Medieval Music Class on Friday. And I got an A on my first sociology test, so the semester is off to a good start. Gail came over Thursday evening with some rather unexpected news. She dropped out of school!! Actually, it wasn’t so much of a surprise. She skipped her classes half the time anyway. The deciding factor though was the fact that her mom is having trouble paying all the bills and Gail decided to go to work. She’s been disenchanted with the whole academic bit for quite a while She just didn’t dig it anymore. She went to an employment agency, and they set up an interview for Friday. She won’t know for sure if she got it until later this week. She seems confident about it though. I think she’ll be happier not going to school for a while. It will be good for her!!

            I know how she feels- as much as I love going to school, I sometimes find myself wondering if it’s really worth it. It’s so easy to get discouraged, to wonder if all the time and effort and sacrifice will ever amount to anything. It’s really weird- but I always end up convinced that it is worth it. And I probably always will!! Until I get that credential, anyway.

            Hey, your “Golden Pages” paper sounds really terrific- why don’t you send me a copy? I’d love to have one.

            What a hassle with the language unites- Spanish is a great choice, though. It really comes in handy- I studied it for 5 years and you’d be surprised at how many ways it can come in handy. I remember when I was working at May Co. a lot of the customers would be Spanish speaking. It was really neat when I was the only salesperson around who could communicate with them. I haven’t spoken it in over two years, so I am really rusty.

            Hey- an impression from your letter- are you starting to think about doing your mission? You mentioned it and I was curious if you were starting to plan for it or what. It would really be something. You know, I really admire you for the strength of your faith. There’s no doubt that you are one of the chosen!! I really do admire and respect you.

            I’m afraid that being held under an ice-cold shower isn’t something I’ve had the honor of experiencing!! And popcorn fights and rug burns really sound weird. I can just visualize you walking down a corridor and all of a sudden three guys pop out of nowhere and tackle you!! What a picture!!

            I went to the movies today- I’ve been going every weekend lately.  A lot of theaters around here have “bargain” matinees on Saturday and Sunday where you can get in for $1.00 until 2:30 pm. I don’t go out at all. It’s been months since I went out to a party or something. Anyway, it does me good to get out of the house and away from myself for a while. Today I saw Jeremiah Johnson and Sometimes a Great Notion. Jeremiah Johnson was really good- try to see it if you can, It was filmed in various places in Utah and God it was beautiful.  I’m ready to pack my bags and hop in my car to find peace in the beauty of those mountains. It looked so beautiful and spacious and peaceful.

            It rained most of the day today and it’s been dreary & icky out. Not very cheerful- but we do need the rain so it’s good too.

            Janet has been getting on my nerves lately. It’s just a lot of little things that are annoying me. Like I come in from school and she and Paul have people here that I don’t know, and she doesn’t introduce me (which is just plain rude). That really makes me feel important!! It’s happened three times since Thursday and it’s really bothering me. Also, I’ve been cleaning up all of her dishes all week (she’s been busy with Paul home, and I really don’t mind cleaning up after her). But she hasn’t said a simple thank you. It’s really irritating. One thing I’ve discovered since September- Janet is very inconsiderate when it comes to other people’s feelings sometimes. I guess she gets so involved in her own little world that she can’t really care about other people’s problems. She’s not always that way, though- At other times (rarely lately) she’s friendly and interested in my life as she used to be, Weird. She’ll probably bounce back once Paul leaves- I haven’t talked to her much since he got home but I guess she’s trying to cram as much fun and love as she can into the short time she has before Paul  leaves. It must be a hard thing to do.

            I’ve been feeling left out this week!! There have been all these parties and double dates (Jan & Paul & Barb & Gary) and a whole bunch of stuff that I haven’t been included in.  It really gets depressing. I get so lonely at times, and it’s been ages since I had a date or anything like that. It always seems worse when everybody around me us in a big social whirl and I’m not!! But have no fear, I always bounce right back up when I am down like this. Always.

            I was watching the 11:00 news- would you believe that at 7:00 tonight it snowed in Glendale?? They showed pictures of kids throwing snowballs & everything. It was really neat!!

            Well, I am running out of things to say & I’m getting sleepy (as you can tell by all the mistakes I’ve been making). Thanks for everything!! Write soon. Love, like always. Laura PS Thanks for the bookmark. I really like it!! Later- L”

Additional Memoirs

Laura Edmunson was one of the kids I met before I became a Mormon when I lived in the dorms at Cal State Fullerton as was Janet Walton and Paul Blankenship. She had a crush on me because I dated her a few times, and I was very kind to her as a friend.

 This letter from Laura references my spontaneous trip to Disneyland while at BYU, and  the dormitory newsletter that Elbert Peck and I were writing called the "Golden Pages" that we printed on Golden Rod colored paper that we mimeographed.

Also mentioned were some of the pranks the boys in the dorms did like surprise tackling me, holding me under a cold shower etc. all for sport.

12-13 March 1973

No Entries

14 March 1973 Wednesday

I’ve been depressed over the prospects of how quickly my time here in Chipman is passing. I’ve been having night visions of returning to California and being terribly lonesome without the company of all these kids on my floor who are all excited and anxious about the prospects of their mission calls.

            I am anxious myself that going back to California I will be tried and tempted again to follow bad habits again. I am going to feel empty without my BYU friends. I am hoping that Bill Hall will be able to come visit me in California before he has to serve his mission. I had a dream that he would come out from North Dakota to see me and that would be a sign of the truthfulness of the works of the church of God.

Additional Memoirs

My feelings for Bill Hall were growing deeper and the “Bad Habits” temptations I was worried about was of course my homosexuality and cruising for sex.

I had really stopped going to my classes regularly by this time choosing to either play cards in the dorms or cruise the men’s rooms in the Smith Field House although I was adamant not to have any encounters. I mainly was jacking off to the Gay graffiti and then feeling terribly shameful about it having sinned in the Lord’s men’s toilets.

15-16 March 1973

No Entries

17 March 1973 Saturday

Additional Material

"Killing Me Softly with His Song" by Roberta Flack has been number one on the charts now for 4 weeks.

18 March 1973 Sunday

 It snowed for most of the morning but cleared up by the afternoon. I was up at 8:30 to get ready for Priesthood but even then, I had to wait to get into the shower. Priesthood Meeting  was good but mainly we discussed the ordinance of Baptism. Right afterwards was Sunday School and I was called upon again to pass the Sacrament.

            After Sunday School, I went back to my dorm room to change out of my Sunday clothes and then went to the Commons for dinner.  But as I was standing in line, I was told I had to leave because evidently you couldn’t wear blue jeans to the Cannon Center for Sunday Dinner. I was so mad, in the fact, that they don’t post or list this arbitrary dress code, so you don’t know about it until you violate it. So, I went back and changed and spent the rest if the afternoon writing and typing. 

Additional Memoirs

Sunday mornings was a mad house in the bathroom in the hall with nearly 40 guys all trying to shit, shower and shave as they say.

My being told to leave the lunch line to go back and change out of my jeans really upset me as I was not trying to be a rebel and if anyone would have posted the rules, I would have obeyed them. This and when I was told when I was registering that my hair was border line began my questioning my faith in the church which seemed to me more interested in my outward appearance than inward piety. These were the first hair line fractures in my faith.

19-20 March 1973

No Entries

21 March 1973 Wednesday

This first day of Spring I had a really fun night. When Bill Hall and Randy Gormley went to their Speed Reading Class, I asked if I could stay in their room to listen to music on their stereo. However, in actuality I was plotting a devious scheme. I pretended to clean up their room by vacuuming and even making up their beds. However, I took a sticky sucker and stuck it all over his sheets. I then ripped open my feather pillow, took some feathers out, sewed it back up, and then spread a layer of feathers between the sheets. I made his bed back up as neat as a pin and left a note next to his pillow which read, “Buck, buck, buck. It’s Chicken Man. He’s everywhere. He’s everywhere.”

            Well, when Bill returned and saw the note and his bed, everyone thought it was hilarious except Bill, who really did. However, Sid Turner and Bill grabbed me whereby I couldn’t get away and they carried me out the back door and threw me in the snow while I was in my underwear.

            The other kids in the hall especially Wayne Tuck and Brian Smith let me back in as I was covered with snow and shivering. On Gormley’s suggestion, to make it even funnier, I jumped into Bill’s bed, soaking it as I was wet with snow.

            Anyway, then Bill and Sid jumped on top of me and started marking all over my face with these ink pens  until my nose began to bleed. So, I wiped blood all over Bill to get him off of me. That pretty well ended the skirmish. When the resident advisor came down and saw the mess in Bill’s room and Bill and I covered in blood, I thought he was going to have a heart attack, but he didn’t. He just told us to clean up the mess. When he left, we all ordered a pizza to be delivered and we had a feast.

Additional Memoirs  

Chicken man was a two and half minute radio segment that spoofed comic book heroes, inspired by the mid-1960s Batman TV series. Everyone on the hall floor would listen to it because they were hilarious. Bill Hall especially was always parroting Chicken man’s catch phrase.  In the series, Benton Harbor, a shoe salesman at a large downtown Midland City department store, spent his weekends “striking terrific terror into the hearts of criminals everywhere” as that fantastic fowl, Chicken man. Each episode began with a four-note trumpet sound echoed with Benton Harbor's "Buck-buck-buck-buuuuuck" followed by a rousing cry of "Chicken-mannnn!" and voices shouting, "He's everywhere! He's everywhere!"

Sid Turner was simply a returned BYU student who had no intentions of going on a Mission.

22 March 1973 Thursday

I was up at 8 this morning to get ready for my History of Utah test, but it turned out that it was given last Tuesday when I skipped class! Rats! Oh Well. I saw Wayne Tuck while I was on campus, so we walked back down together to the dorm. There we started to play cards with Bill Hall. Jim Lillis is avoiding me for some reason. I think I know why but I’m not sure.

In the evening I sat and ate dinner with Bill and some of the other kids in the commons. Afterwards Bill later asked if I wanted to go to the show with Jim and him to see the Poseidon Adventure at the Fox Theater downtown. I said sure since I had a little money left but I could tell that Jim was not happy that Bill had asked me along.

The movie was a really exciting action film although the characters were predictable and stereotypical. The acting within the scope of the characters was good and Shelly Winters gave a fine performance. However, the set designs and special effects were terrific.

We were back at the dorms about 11:30 and night and I didn’t stay up much after that as to let Bill go to bed. He said he has to be up at 7 tomorrow for his accounting class. However, Jim stayed in Bill’s room and talked to him until 3 in the morning, so I don’t know what good it did to leave him.

Additional Memoirs

I was skipping so many of my classes now that I couldn’t keep up when assignments were due. I should have been in my Senior year, and I was becoming increasingly bored with academics and wanted to just enjoy the social aspect of college life especially in the environment of all young males.

I knew exactly why Jim Lillis was avoiding me because he was jealous of Bill Hall and my relationship, but I couldn’t admit that.

23 March 1973 Friday

I slept in again until 10 this morning because my back is still stiff from the skirmish the other day. I never finished showering and shaving because the cleaning lady kicked me out. I left and went to the Commons for lunch because I missed breakfast. When I checked my mail box, I had another letter from Mom containing a series of letters from Grandma Johnson and her sisters Aunt Essie and Aunt Clee about the McLeod genealogy.

            In the Commons they were serving roast beef sandwiches, so I ate lunch with Wayne Tuck. After I left there, I walked over to the Financial AID Office to find out what’s the deal about financial aid for next fall semester. They said I wouldn’t be able to apply until sometime in June. Oh Well. Just as long as I get it before school starts back up. Although, I have to come up with $285 by June 1^st to hold a place in the dorms. Ugh! I guess I will be moving into the Deseret Towers next fall because I hear they are a lot nicer and roomier.

            In the afternoon I played cards aging with Bill Hall until he had to go to his afternoon classes. We don’t study much anymore because it interferes with us playing cards. That would be funny if it wasn’t true.

            I ate supper with Bill Hall, Monte Schlerf, Elbert Peck, Brian Smith, and his girlfriend. We all had a small food fight throwing bread rolls at each other until we got dirty looks. It was funny. After dinner I raced Bill back to his room where then he wrestled me to the floor until I gave in. It’s rough wrestling a champion high school wrestler.

After fussing and tussling we decided to play cards again until he left at 7 this evening to go see a horror movie with Wayne Tuck and Bill Taylor. They asked me to go with them, but money is really tight, so I went back to my own room to work on an editorial for this week’s newsletter. I was feeling rather melancholy when I wrote that it’s important to keep having fun with your friends rather than being depressed about the prospects of the end of the semester coming.

            Jim Lillis came into my room to have a long persona; talk about Bill Hall that left me depressed so when Jim Kronus wanted to play cards I did until 11:30 tonight. When I decided to go to bed, I was still on a blue funk from Jim’s visit. However, when Bill Taylor, Wayne Tuck, and Bill Hall came back from the show, everyone piled in my room sitting on me in bed. So, it was nearly 1:30 in the morning before I really could go back to bed. I prayed silently before going to sleep “O Father, how do I  get into these messes? Where is the love? O Father what is love?”

Additional Memoirs and Material

Jim Lillis confronted me about my feelings for Bill Hall saying it was becoming obvious that I wanted to be more than friends with him. He said that I should back off and let Jim and Bill just be friends, saying that I had plenty of friends in the hall and he only had one and that was Bill.

I knew that Jim was actually just jealous because he had fallen in love with Bill too. However, the confrontation made me question my feelings that I had so repressed and was worried that they were surfacing again with the extreme feelings even romantic feelings I was having for Bill. Blessings were supposed to be predicated on obedience so why were these unwanted feelings going away?

In a letter to Judge John Sirica, Watergate burglar James W. McCord Jr. admitted that he and other defendants had been pressured to remain silent about the case. He named former Attorney General John Mitchell as 'overall boss' of the operation.

24 March 1973 Saturday

Today is Bill Hall’s 19^th birthday. I slept in until 10:30 this morning. Then I went down the hall to bug Elbert Peck some until it was time to go to lunch at 11:00. In my mail box I had a post card from Laura Edmundson to let me know she was thinking about me. She didn’t say much because it only was a postcard. Afterward Elbert walked with me to the BYU bakery to pick up the birthday cake I had bought for Bill Hall from money I saved. He wasn’t home all day as he went skiing with Brian Smith and Monte Schlerf.

            I had Greg Fager, our resident advisor, let me into his room where I left his birthday with a note saying, “to the Crimson Crusader from your friends.” I really don’t know what else I did this afternoon. Everything seems to be swirling around me like I am about to wake up and that this all has been a dream. I’ve lost my sense of reality again.

            At 6 this evening, I went with Bob Dalley and Elbert Peck to a leadership conference at the Marriott Center. Elder Robert L Simpson spoke, and a film was shown of the Prophet Lee speaking to us on principles which cut me to the quick. I left the center at 7:30 so depressed.

            Bill was home by then and he thanked me for the cake. He was so surprised, but the words of Harold B Lee lay heavy on my heart, and I could not be responsive  to his genuineness. I tried to play cards with Monte and him, but the air seemed to be pressing upon me and I could not bear the presence of Jim Lillis any longer, so I went to take a shower where alone I burst into tears. Oh God why?

Additional Material

Bill Hall had a nick name from his high school wresting days as the Crimson Crusader.

Elder Simpson was an assistant to the Quorum of Twelve and Harold B. Lee lectured on the importance of being morally clean to be worthy to go on a mission and honor the Priesthood. Morally Clean also meant not having impure thoughts about Bill Hall.

"Love Train" by The O'Jays  has knocked Roberta Flack from number 1 song this week

25 March 1973 Sunday

I felt so sick today the first time since coming to Utah. I had a sore throat from mucus draining down my throat last night and a general achiness all over. Today was Stake Conference though I was too ill to attend.

            I still felt depressed and miserable because I had yet to cope with the situation that is pressing me so. It’s a crisis no less severe than any of the others I’ve had in the last four years, but I am able to understand this one a little bit better than the previous on because the Adversary is trying to destroy me. I prayed and fasted all day and the Lord revealed his will to me concerning this matter. By the evening I was able to cope with this situation and live with it. How I love the Lord.

            In the late evening, while I was helping Elbert put together this week’s newsletter, Wayne Tuck was with us, and he became really annoyed with Elbert. He was just being his own exuberant self, but he struck a raw nerve with Wayne. Tuck flew into a rage, and I had to calm him down and he left. Later I went to him and smoothed everything over.  Praise Our Blessed King God eternal Jesus the Christ.

Additional Memoirs

My homosexual feelings were emerging again as I began to deal with the fact that I might never see Bill Hall again after this semester. The crises of course was my love for John Cunningham and Jim Dalton which both were disasters leaving me emotionally crushed.

Whenever I began to be aware of my homosexuality rising within me, I would repress it by becoming more of a fanatic in my religious devotion. Whenever I mentioned God a lot and how much I loved him it was a compensation for not having a male to love. Jesus Christ in a weird since was my ultimate homosexual ideal lover who loved me just as I am.

26 March 1973 Monday

I slept in again until 10 this morning still having a sore throat. When I did go out it was to lunch with Renn Yorgason, Monte Schlerf and Bill Hall. There were being so irreverent and discussing the girls in MIA that I got disgusted after a while by their behavior. So, I got up and left.

I later went to Bill and  told  him the reason I so abruptly left, which was that by such “grody” behavior that they were demonstration, he was degrading himself and I respected him too much to lose his friendship.

            At 1 in the afternoon, I went to my Historiography class. Ugh! I can’t believe I’ve fallen so far behind in everything. Pride cometh before the fall.

In the afternoon I studied some more and then went to bed for a nap for a while. Mark Cottrell came by later to say there wouldn’t be any Family Home evening  because Judy and Gordon were sick, and Randy Leavitt had to go home back to Canada for the week, so it all was just canceled.

            Bob Dalley received his Mission Call today which was great news. He’s going to the Central California Mission. Monte Christensen is going to the Netherlands, Dick Bowman is going to Hong Kong,  Brian Taylor to West Germany and Bill Hutchinson is going to Norway. All these callings are making for quite a bit of excitement in the hall.

            I razzed Bill Hall some tonight by putting crackers in his bed, but he got back at me later when he wrestled me to the ground and hog tied me. Wayne Tuck took a picture of my humiliation. Ugh.

Additional Memoirs

My self-righteousness was because I was jealous, that they were all talking about cute girls in MIA; feelings that I did not have or shared.

27-28 March 1973

No Entries

29 March 1973 Thursday

I received a letter from Laura Edmonson that was dated Sunday eve the 26^th. She wrote: “Dear Ben, Hi! I got this letter back yesterday-there was a mix-up somewhere and they sent it back. I sent you a letter at the same time-did you get it alright? I don’t understand why they sent it back, stupid post office.

            Got your latest description of insane happenings in your dorm!! I really hate to say this, but I think the mountain air has done something to you!! Either that or you’ve been studying too hard!!! Honey on the sheets!!! Honestly, I never heard of such a thing! (Oh shades of Richard!!)

            Needless to say, it sounds as if you’re having a lot of fun!!! The guys in your wing have got to be crazy!!

Not much happening on this side of the world. This has been a pretty routine week-work, school, studying & practicing. That’s about  it!! What a thrill!! You’re probably getting ready  for finals by now. Yech!! How are  your classes going, anyway?  Do you find time to study in between pillow fights & getting molasses  & feathered?

It’s great that you’re having so much fun- I remember all the crazy  nutty things we used to do in the dorms. One disadvantage of living in an apartment is that it’s kind of hard to run up  and down the halls, acting like wild elephants.

Gail and I went shopping yesterday- we really had a good time!! I don’t usually like going shopping with other people, but Gail & I really seem to be getting along well. I feel comfortable around her- we’re alike in a lot of ways She bought  2 pair of pants  & I got a pair of black sandals to war with my new orchestra dress. They’re really nice. They’re shiny, crinkle vinyl & have really clunky  2 ½ heels. I really like them.

            I played a recital today- Sandy was supposed to do it but she had a quintet performance, so I took her place. I only got the music a couple of days ago and it was a fairly tough part. But it went alright -no  major mistakes.

            Dave  called this evening- surprise of the year!!! Hadn’t heard from since our party!!! He said he’d been meaning to write  but just never got the time so decided to call instead!! It was good to hear from him!! He said Phyllis got a new job at Bue Cross- and that she starts tomorrow.

Paul Got off alright-he left from Oakland , Tuesday evening. It’s a 17-hour plane trip to Korea. Can you imagine spending that much time on a plane?? Headache!!! Jan’s doing fine- I don’t think she’’ have any trouble adjusting to his being gone. I guess he talked about the fact that they’ll probably get married somewhere in the future. So, she feels very secure about everything which is a good way to feel. (I suppose , anyway).

Yest I’m doing fine!! I just got kind of down for a while, but I got out of it just like always. It always seems so terrible at the time but afterwards the things hat mal me feel down seem so trivial!!! Ah, well.

Well, I really can’t think of much else to tell you!! I hope my wild stationary cheered you up. Take care & keep out of trouble. Love & everything, Laura.”

Additional Material

The last United States soldier left Vietnam today.

30 March 1973

No Entry

31 March 1973 Saturday

Tonight, was a super fun night. The kids in Chipman Hall were invited to the Stake Barbeque which began at 6 this evening. So, Wayne Tuck and I walked up to the park together.  We were the first to arrive from the dorms besides the MIA group.

            Before eating, I played soccer with a lot of the kids. It was so much fun. Janie Posey and I were partners somewhat in some of the games. She is one of my BYU sisters in my Family Home evening Group and I really like her. Darwin Ross was frisky running around trying to kick the ball but mostly falling down. His girlfriend Debbie Holbrook was just as excited as he was running all over the field,

 I had been fasting since yesterday, so I didn’t eat  the barbecue.  I just mainly sat and visited. I met Bill Hall’s girlfriend Tawnya for the first time tonight. He met her when he went to last Tuesday’s MIA Square Dance. He took her out for the first time yesterday and I guess she is head over heels in love with Bill. However, he later told me that since it was so sudden, he doesn’t know quite what to think of Tawnya. The Barbecue lasted until 10:30 at night when it turned really chilly.

Additional Memoirs and Material

Janie Posey was a Native American who I tried to date but was never romantically attracted to her beyond being friends. As the guys started to pair up with girls if I wanted to be accepted, I had to have a “girlfriend” too.

I didn’t eat because I was fasting. I didn’t eat because I was heartsick that Bill Hall had found himself a Girlfriend and I knew the closeness we had would soon be over and there would be no more wrestling me.

"Killing Me Softly with His Song" is back at number 1 this week.