Autumn 4th Quarter Journal 2013 October-December

 

OCTOBER

1 October 2013 Tuesday

Well it’s the first of October and the government is shut down because the Republicans are hell bent on defunding the Affordable Care Act.

 2 October 2013 Wednesday

I was late to our Faculty meeting this morning and I carelessly left my wallet and phone at home. So that was kind of weird. When I came home Levon Mirakyan wanted to go shopping and we also went out to Panda Buffet on North Temple and Tenth West for dinner because I was in the mood for shrimp and fish. It was a warmer day than yesterday.

All that is in the news is the government shut down and the Republicans howling because the President refuses to negotiate with GOP domestic terrorists.

 3 October 2013 Thursday

It’s really starting to turn chilly again. I made a bowl of chicken noodle soup and that’s just the ticket. Charles Frost called me tonight to say that Jane Marquardt has paid for an independent investigation of Valerie Larabee’s performance. She is under fire from all her major wealthy donors. Charles says they are paying $25,000 for the review. Geez think of all the good that could really be done with that money. Three board members have quit in the last three weeks, Ken Kimball, Allen Miller, and some woman.

            I wrote Michael Aaron –“What is up with all the board resignations at the Pride Center? 3 members in 3 weeks... Ken Kimball, Allen Miller some woman....” Michael wrote back, “didn't know about Ken and the woman. I'll have to look into that.” Then I said, “I hear rumblings that the Olympian Gays are unhappy... I am going out with Jim Dabakis on Saturday so maybe I can find out what the nose bleed crowd is up to... I am sure Allen Miller can give you a snoot full.”

4 October 2013 Friday

Here is your Governor Utah; a man living in an alternative reality, fearful of anything that questions his authority. He’s more concerned about things, than people. Herbert blames the President for not negotiating with Republican terrorist, who because they can't win an honest election, are willing to bring Misery to millions of American. I am so proud not to have EVER voted for a Republican.

 

I wrote Jim Dabakis and asked if we were still on for dinner and a show Saturday and I also said. PS I need your intake why so many board members are jumping ship at the Pride Center... Something must be up.

 5 October 2013 Saturday

Bob Henline's had his End of Summer Picnic at Liberty Park and boy was it ever!! Chilly day but good company. I saw Bob’s new grand baby and had a nice visit with Becky Moss.

I had to dash though, because going to the Theater tonight with Jim Dabakis ... It was a Busy day but found time to make two Zucchini Bread loaves one for the picnic and one to give to Jim.

 6 October 2013 Sunday

The Salt Lake annual “Undies Run” was held today during LDS General Conference LOL. Dallin Oaks in Conference today said the LDS Church cannot condone Gay marriage…fuck them. We don't need your approval we just need our Civil Rights...

Well the harvest is done for the year...I cleared out my planting beds to put to rest for the winter... I Made a huge pot of grandpa’s chili and corn bread and baked an Apple Brown Betty that I delivered to Charles Lynn Frost and his hubby... I had a nice long visit with him ...

I Washed the doggie butts and watched the Hunger Games which, believe or not I had never seen,...now it's time to say good night...g'nite.

I wrote Kyle Foote a letter today.

 “Dear Kyle, I hope you are well. I have not heard from you since our visit last August. I know it must be hard to think what to write when you are in a certain routine.

Your friend’s mother contacted me about you not getting your pay check. I hope that gets straightened out. Anyway I put $40 in your account so you don’t lose your television and feel cut off from the world again.

Last night Jim Dabakis took me to see a play “Something’s Afoot” at the Pioneer Theater. He told me that he had just gotten back from Gunnison on a Legislative visit but did talk to the Warden saying that a constituent of his wrote him a letter of concern and wanted to address it with him. That’s all he said to me.

Jim can be so tight lipped at times but in his position as a state Senator and head of the Democratic Party he has to be.

At the theater we also encountered Carol Moss Spackman another Democrat and I got to relay to her my concerns about the legislature’s school grading system that is ridiculous.

There was another man there that I recognized from long ago who Jim said was a lobbyist and he went up to say hi. He looked at me and smiled and said hi Ben! It floored me because I hadn’t seen him in 20 years at least. He was this cute guy that was always wanting to hook up with me but was closeted back then. I must have been memorable for him to remember me. LOL

I tried to pump Dabakis for information on what is going on at the Pride Center because I know he knows the ins and outs. I guess three board members resigned from the center in the past few weeks and the “Olympian Gays” like Michelle Turpin are paying to have an independent performance review of Valerie.

I am not supposed to know all this and Jim won’t confirm it but I did get him to admit that the center should not be “ran like a fiefdom.”  His words.

All the big money donors have abandoned Valerie. Well I guess I stand validated and not just an old crank.

Charles had informed me that Michelle is paying $25,000 for the independent review. WTF?!  Think of where that money could go in the community! Why doesn’t the Board just fire her ass? Because of the wimpy Beta Males on the board are afraid of Nikki and Valerie. However Nikki is going to have to cut Valerie loose if she wants to stay relevant. Anyway there’s trouble in River City.

I can’t recall what I’ve told you in my last letter. Mike Romero and I did go down to Provo on the 21st for Provo’s 1st Gay Pride Day. Wanted to be a part of it. History in the making. It was 40 years ago I came to Utah in 1973 and I wanted to witness the change that I do feel like I have played a part in making.

I wrote on Face book, “As a BYU alumnus I am returning to Provo today... forty years after I first came to Provo, to attend its 1st Gay Pride Day event. Going back to the land where I was humiliated, despised, mentally tortured, and persecuted to let Utah County know they couldn't lick me or beat me down. Forty years. That is how long Moses had the Israelites wander in the desert to kill off the stiff necked generation before being allowed into the promise land.

I was a little worried that traffic would be heavy going down since it was the BYU versus Utes Football game and the Utes were playing in Provo but we went earlier enough that it wasn’t even a consideration. The Utes won btw. The Pride event was held in Memorial Park on about 8th east and Center Street. We were there about 11:30 and there weren’t a whole lot there yet maybe 150 people strolling. The booths were all set up across each other on a little paved path that made it seem like there was more people then there actually was.

There were no signs that said Gay Pride nor any abundance of Gay Rainbow Flags but by the people there you could tell it wasn’t your typical Mormon day in the park. No big corporate sponsors, mostly organizations and a couple of retail booths. No support from the bars but I doubt whether they had been asked.

Michael and I strolled the hundred feet which about all the distance of the booths were. The Post Mos, Mormon Building Bridges, Atheists of Utah, Affirmation, Human Rights, Equality Utah, Utah Pride, and a few others were the main booths. It will be hard to estimate how many attended because people were coming and going and it lasted until 8 p.m. Michael Aaron texted me after I had already gotten home and said he was just heading down.

Seth and Michael, the Peter Pan boys, were there getting free massages and Seth had a free HIV test...I wanted to tell him you have to have sex first before you can get AIDS but I bit my tongue. I asked them why they weren’t selling their tea and they said they wanted to but the organizers just never got back with them in time. I told them they should have just came down and set up a booth and no one would have been the wiser.

I told Michael Ferguson I want to come down next year and set up a Gay History Booth and sell Gay theme buttons...there were NO Gay paraphernalia at all... I think I could have made some money with fun witty buttons. Later I told Charles Frost we should go into the Gay Festival button business and hit up Moab, St. George, and Provo.

 Because it was getting warm Michael and I sat under a pine tree for a while and listen to some of the performers. While under the tree this kid named Diego began talking to us. He’s from Costa Rica but married to this Ogdenite guy named Dan Parkinson. He was also friends with Seth and Michael. Dan turned out to be friends with my friend Marilyn Johnson in Ogden where Charles Frost went to speak like I did last July.

Anyway we left about 2:00 and it was nice and a very enthusiastic spirit…like Pride Days use to be in SLC. It was a let’s show our Pride instead of what are you going to do to entertain me. I figured there were about 400 people there while we were there and I bet they will say 1000 when it’s all said and done. If they say more than that then they are just bragging.

Before leaving I took a picture of my old apartment on 9th East and Center Street where I lived so many years ago. It was a little freaky for me being back in Provo with that park, being just around the corner from my apartment. It was the last place I lived in Provo back in 1976. It was here on a snowy April day that my boyfriend Larry Copenhagen came to tell me he had swallowed a bottle of aspirin to commit suicide because BYU security had entrapped him. He wanted to see me before he died but I was able to save his life when he began to pass out and I was able to take him to the hospital.

It was a horrible, awful period of my life when BYU made me feel that it was my entire fault for being Gay. No one to talk to... so alone... so much judgment for a 25 year old to have to bear. So while  the day was a glad full day for the young people, for me it was kind of melancholy dredging up some very sorrowful memories. You get some scars that never truly heal.

Jim Dabakis told me that when he was at BYU he was pulled in by security too and he was shocked because he had not done anything. That he was a virgin. But security insisted that for him to stay he had to turn in names of people.

Jim figured that is how he was turned in by some poor scared schmuck who was just giving out names. Jim however went right to admissions and withdrew from BYU rather than turn in people that he knew would destroy lives. Gay Kids today have no idea what we went through at BYU back then. Well enough of that.

Did you hear they discovered drinkable water on Mars? One of the rovers discovered that the soil of Mars contains enough water that you can squeeze it and drink it. Pretty Amazing. That pretty well means we will someday be on Mars unless the Tea Party destroys the economy by their petulance.

It is almost too funny how stupid people in Utah can be. The Affordable Care Act loophole said that the feds would pay for all prisoner’s health care when not in prison. So if a prisoner is transferred to the hospital the feds would pick up the tab instead of the state.

There was a poll that asked whether how they felt about the Affordable Care Act. The majority said they liked the ACA but hated Obamacare! LOL One stupid person said that Obama was an egotist for naming the health care act after him! LOL

Well Moab had their Gay Pride Day last weekend and Charles Frost went down. So, all the Pride Fests are done for the year. If people from Salt Lake and Grand Junction did not come down to it,  they would probably have had ten people there. LOL

 The weather has changed to autumn and we have had frost at night. I just cleaned out my squash and cucumber beds this afternoon. Pulled everything up except my green peppers. They should be okay until we get a hard freeze. It seems like this cold snap came early this year.

Charles wants me to plant winter squash for him next year. I am not a big fan of any squash you bake.

I pulled up the paving stones in the front yard and carried them to the back yard and laid them down where the picnic table use to be. The picnic table was so weathered and getting warped that I got rid of it. No one was around to help me move it so I took the buzz saw and cut it into little piece for firewood for the fire pit.

I now have all these red paving cement stones to move over to where the chicken coop would have been and I have more than enough stones to fill in that area. But that is a project for next spring if I am still around.

Levon is still with me but I asked him to start looking for other arrangements by the end of October. It’s almost like living alone because he sleeps all day and is up at night and he never eats with me. I guess he doesn’t like my cooking. I made a big pot of stew. He wouldn’t touch it. Then I made Chili and beans today still not eating it. So I’ve given up.

He’s been here since June 21st. He such a big kid. And now with the Government in shut down who knows when he will get his asylum hearing. He was supposed to have it this month but the judges that hear these cases have to come up from Texas.

Speaking of Texas you are getting some bills from Texas saying you owe money. I just toss them.

I had to pay nearly $500 last month to get the cruiser fixed. The ignition switch was locking up and I could not get the key out and because once the key is in it runs the computers my battery would die. So took it to Lodders in Bountiful and had that repaired, two broken lug nuts repaired and transmission fluid changed. Cars aren’t cheap to run. The truck and cruiser still have monthly payments too…so there you go.

            Salt Lake is doing something progressive. Becker is proposing that SLC residents will be allowed to buy a UTA pass for $30 a month rather than $90! And that will be good for busses, light rail, and the front runner. Pretty cool except it really doesn’t do me any good going to work. The mayor wants to do it to help reduce emissions.

Of course the retrograde Neanderthal factions calls it socialism… I call it progress and living in a healthier society.

At the Equality Utah Fundraiser last month Sean Penn canceled saying he couldn’t get away from a shoot in Spain so Robert Redford step in. It was a $150 plate dinner and packed because people thought they were going to see Sean Penn. I didn’t go of course. It was a school night and didn’t have $150 to pay Brandi’s salary and especially didn’t want to see Troy Williams honored for life time achievement… Really? Life time? What has he ever done for this community that wasn’t self-promoting? Oh well. He helped get Brandi the job as Executive Director so I guess it was pay back.

Speaking of payback…Fernando Noriega sent me an email that he wanted to pay me back even though I said he didn’t have to. He put it back on Pay Pal but since I have no idea how that works I guess it will just sit there.

Bill Poore and I took a trip up Big Cottonwood Canyon to look at the colors but there really wasn’t all that much even though there was snow in patches up there. I think we are going to have an early cold winter. I need to buy a snow blower this month. I really don’t want to shovel by hand like I did last year.

Well I guess we are caught up now. I won’t even comment on the government shut down. Governor Herbert even blamed Obama of course and did not even mention Mike Lee’s treason against the American people. I truly believe they are all traitors. What they couldn’t get by reasoning they are trying to get by extorting. That is so Un-American.

BTW did those magazines ever come to you. If not I will ask Michael Aaron to pay me back the money. Expect me down on the 17th unless something unforeseen happens. Your friend for better or worse Ben

 

7 October 2013 Monday

Gay marriage is immoral says the Fucking Mormon Dallin Oakes who is expecting two wives in heaven. I have seen how Oakes treated his second wife; demeaning and pushy. What an ass. Mormons married sisters, mother/ daughters, 13 year old girls and slaughtered 130 people in cold blood. They even owned a brothel...yeah they have a corner on morality. Ezra Benson called the black Civil rights movement a phony.

 Dallin Oaks is a liar even if for the Lord-

In 1854;  Brigham Young announces from the pulpit: "I believe in Sisters marrying brothers, and brothers having their sisters for Wives. Why? Because we cannot do otherwise. There are no others for me too and the opposite idea has resulted from the ignorant and foolish traditions of the nations of the earth."

Young's secretary George D. Watt had already married his own half-sister as a plural wife. Her letter to Young shows that he was initially "unfavorable" toward allowing them to marry, but this sermon reveals theological basis for Young's authorizing Watt's brother-sister marriage and the three children born of their union.

I am getting tired of the racists who attack Obama for the Affordable Health Care Act who are too stupid to realize it was modeled almost exactly after Mitt Romney’s Massachusetts health care reform. If Romney had been elected, NOT one asshole would be trying to shut the government down.

 It's the Koch Brothers racist funded Tea Party and Murdock’s Fox Media Empire who can't stand that an Anglo Saxon isn't in charge of the most powerful nation on earth. Pure and simple.

 

8 October 2013 Tuesday

I got my Lambda Lore column done and my archive posting to publish so somebody damn well better read them... Lol

So Southern Utah wants to seize the National Parks? Round these traitors up who vote for such a thing...God have these people never read a history book? It didn't go so well for South Carolina when they seized Fort Sumter... These neo Confederates got to be put down like rabid dogs...Rally Around the Flag Boys...these crazy ass people elected the tea party morons so let them suffer I say..

Jim Matheson does need to apologize for voting to shut down the government... For that he has lost my confidence... Compromising is not the same as pandering... He is a nice guy but he is not helping anybody by being Luke warm. Why doesn't he reach out to more Democrats? Matheson needs to tell us what he stands for and why he is a Democrat because I don't think he knows... He can't just rely on the D by his name anymore.

 

9 October 2013 Wednesday

In social Studies we are studying the Greeks and just getting into the Persian War with Xerxes building a pontoon bridge across the Hellespont and I said to be continued and they all said no! They were fascinated...of course none of this counts to the Mormon GOP legislature which only measures language Arts math and science. Wait till they hear about the battle of Marathon and Thermopylae.

I am never going to be able to transcribe my journals.. I typed up one day October 10 1987 and it was 7 pages long took me two hours because of the editing and I am a slow typist ... Oh well

The GOP HAS never negotiated with Obama when he has gone to them...why on earth would he now...they are not trust worthy and have a hidden agenda to end the New Deal programs that our grandparents fought so hard for...we need a Teddy Roosevelt Republican to smash the giant corporations up.

Latest national poll says Republicans are viewed as less favorable than "Obamacare" which is why the GOP is switching tactics... Negotiate? You don't negotiate a law morons... You repeal it...The President of the United States does not have the power to shut down the government. Only Congress does. Put the blame where it belongs. On the Speaker of the House.

            Bill Poore wrote me, “my world just got a lot smaller. I unfriended over a 130 names off Face Book and unliked all the news  political links off FB. I want to take a break from the world politics. Do you want to try to see the leaves again this weekend? I know they have changed now?”

 I answered, “Yes unless it's raining... Want to go up to Huntsville this time? It's up Weber Canyon where the monastery is.”

 

            Bill said sure and said, “I will come to your house, tell when you want to do it, maybe Lunch as well. I like our Zen rides together. Old Ma and Pa driving down the road. I have gotten rid of over 150 face book friends. They really were not friends but people I have met etc., former students, a lot of the people I met in the LGBT, a lot of the extreme political view types.”

 I then replied, “No one has more extreme political views than me.”

Bill Poore disagreed and said, “Not true at all, besides, I can bitch with you by messages not on my wall. I just want more serenity in my life.”

I suggested that “Let’s go Saturday up Weber Canyon and then to Becky Moss presentation in Ogden at  6:30 since we are up that way... It's a potluck and Becky wanted to meet you anyway...”

Bill then asked who was Gary Williams that post conservative crap on my Face Book Face. He said, “ is he family? scary indeed.”

I replied, “Yes he is my cousin Gary's only child that I know of... and he is my grandfather’s only male heir to carry on the Williams name...lol He really unhinged. I never knew him...just found him after his father died earlier this year. His father and mother divorced when he was a baby and he was never around our side of the family. His mother must be bat shit crazy.”

Bill Poore responded, “We have relatives in Carbon County that we have no connection with at all. They are kids of my cousins’ kids. When one of our cousins died, we met them. Jerry Springer wouldn't even have them on his show, very bottom of the gene pool. Going to bed early. Hans wants me out at his place in West Jordon at 7:30 to go fishing. Are you going to the “Coming Out Brunch”? The activist Joe Hill's death has really hit Janice hard. He stayed at her house for a week, plus Jim made him a really good cart to carry his things on his journey. They are having a memorial service Sunday. Ann Clark was also very close to Joe. They talked to each other all the time from where ever he was on the road.”

I said, “ That was Really sad...no I am not going to a fundraiser for the center. I resent that they stole Coming Out Day anyway just to be a money maker.”

Bill Poore replied, “I agree totally with you. They have taken a very important day for our community and made it theirs, charging 35 dollars in the process. I actually really took my dear friend Hans who is in the bishopric in his ward to task over gays issues in the church. It was a healthy discussion but I gave no ground. I told him in no uncertain terms that the way many of the bishops handle young gay men was killing them.”

“Good for you they need to hear the truth not platitudes.”

 

10 October 2013 Thursday

Those who know Bruce Barton keep him in your thoughts. He had a stroke yesterday. Bruce was pastor of a Gay church here in Salt Lake City in the 1980s. 26 years ago he and his partner let me stay with them in their hotel when I went to the March on Washington for Gay Rights. I had no money nor a place to stay but they took me in so I would not have to sleep in the train station. We were representing Utah, just the 25 of us brave souls.

Utah is going to make Gay couples who file as joint households on the Federal Income Tax make a mock one to show how much they would have to pay the state of Utah.

Tea baggers who say they hate the government are in de facto saying they hate Americans since it’s a government of We the People and the Speaker of the House admitted they have been waging war against Obama.

Nikki Boyer wrote me and asked, “ Ben…do you by any chance have a list of all of the past chairs of the Pride Center? If you do, will you send it to me, please? I want to make a plaque honoring them.”  I responded, “I have all of the Stonewall Center’s and many of the GLCCU and some of the Pride Center’s... I will look through my files and send you what I have and then you might be able to fill in the rest.”

After looking in my files I sent her this: To the best of my knowledge these were the Chairs of Board of Directors of Utah's Gay Community centers... I hope it is what you needed. 1991 Charlene Orchard  Utah Stonewall Center, 1992-1994 Marlin Criddle Utah Stonewall Center, 1994 Clare Coonan Utah Stonewall Center, 1995 1997- Nikki Boyer Utah Stonewall Center, 1997-1998 Brooke Heart-Song Utah Stonewall Center, 1998-1999 James Dabakis Gay and Lesbian Community Center of Utah, 1999-2001 Charles Lynn Frost Gay & Lesbian Community Center of Utah, 2001-2003 Louise Knauer Utah Gay & Lesbian Community Center of Utah, 2003-2004 Kent Frogley Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Community Center of Utah, 2004-2005 Maryanne Martindale Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Community Center of Utah, 2005-2008 Fran Pruyn Utah Pride Center, 2008-Present Nikki Boyer Utah Pride Center. I am not sure if the years posted here are completely accurate except for the Stonewall Center... Where does the center keep its board minutes? That should help. If there were any other chairs between these people if you contact the ones of this list they should be able to tell you if I am missing anyone.”

Nikki Boyer wrote me saying, “Thanks so much Ben. I will be calling these folks to see what they remember. Board minutes should be helpful, but I'm not too sure how far back they go. I will send you an update. Thanks, again…Nikki.”

Then Val Holley who I knew years ago before he moved away, wrote me: “Hi, Ben -- Just wanted to send you a private communication about my new book about Ogden's tenderloin district, 25TH STREET CONFIDENTIAL, that's coming out next week. I very much regret that there is no reference to homosexuality in the text. While I assume that one could find gay sex on 25th Street if one wanted it, there was no documentation of it in the historical record. The digitized newspapers do occasionally indicate arrests of "perverts" and the "crime against nature," but without exception these were always vagrants (hoboes, if you will) and NEVER white men, only blacks or other minorities. I was unwilling to write about this in terms of racial profiling. Here is my reading/signing schedule in Utah later this month. I'd love to see you at Sam Weller's.

-Fri., Oct. 18, Ben Lomond Hotel, sunlit room off lobby, 7 p.m.

-Sat., Oct. 19, Sam Weller's, Trolley Square, SLC, 7 p.m. There are, however, a few overt references to homosexuality, including my own; I thank my "husband" in the acknowledgments, perhaps a first for a book with a Utah imprint; plus my Ogden friend Robbie King, proprietor of Planet Rainbow, for inspiring the project. In a footnote, I reference Oscar Wilde's 1882 lecture in SLC. Best wishes, Val”

I wrote him back: “I know of a Greek in the 1920 s who owned a saloon who was arrested for sex with a teenager. I can send you the info... Lots of female impersonators performed in Ogden.”

Val Holley responded, “Very interesting! Please do send the information. Thanks, Ben! I was able to see the last two from the Utah Digital Newspapers project, but not the first two -- do you have to be an Ancestry subscriber?”

This is what I sent Val: ‘1921 Greek Held on Grave Charge George Kadaras at city jail on complaint of Omaha young man. George Kadaras is at the city jail facing a charge of sodomy which Jacob White 19 years old, a transient from Omaha, Nebraska, is at the city jail under medical attention as the result of an assault alleged to have been committed by Kadar on Saturday night. Kadaras, proprietor of a pool hall at 234 25th Street was arrested this morning at 11:45 o’clock. According to White’s story he ‘mooched’ Kadaras for the price of a meal Saturday night/ Kadaras complied and told the youth that he could spend the night at his room. The youth upon entering Kadaras’ room, located at near 23rd and Lincoln Avenue accepted liquor which Kadaras tendered him, he said. White claims to have become so intoxicated after that he did not know what happened after that. White called on Dr. Wiley M Cragun the next morning. After examination, Dr. Cragun reported the case to the police. Kadaras it is claimed denies all knowledge of the alleged occurrence other than that he allowed White to spend the night. Ogden Standard Examiner.

1921 Greek’s trial Set in the City Court. George Kadaras, Greek, charged with sodomy was arraigned before Judge L J Holther in the city court this morning. His bail was fixed at $500. W H Reeder Jr entered his appearance as Attorney for the defendant and arrangements were made for a preliminary hearing to be held March 22. Ogden Standard examiner

Oh I better give you the dates  Greek Held on grave Charges 8 March 1921 Greek Trial Set 9 March 1921. Looks like this restaurant is at the location now La Ferrovia 234 Historic Twenty-Fifth Street • Ogden, UT 84401.”

Val Holley wrote: “ Very interesting. Judge L. J. Holther's niece, Margaret Holther Bagley, was a dinner party guest of mine 10 days ago. She's writing a novel about Ogden in 1890. Holther was a good friend of Bernard DeVoto. Did you also find the outcome of the trial? The Ogden City Directories didn't begin listing businesses by address until 1925, so I don't have the information at home to look up the pool hall name. Kadaras is a new name to me. Many thanks for sending this. I hope to see you on the 19th.”

I said “I looked up census and emigration records and no George Kadaras might be an assumed name... I have never looked up criminal records or the trial just came across this when searching the Standard Examiner.”

I had to unfriend  my cousins’ son, Gary Williams, whom I think is unhinged. So Sad. He was critical of all things progressive, and especially of President Obama. I wrote him “Gary I am sorry you feel this way. I lost touch with your daddy but I would be surprised if he felt the same way. Your great grandparents were very good people and I NEVER heard them ever speak ill of others. I tried reaching out to you because I wanted you to feel like you had a connection with the Williamses. But I do not wish to hear paranoia talk that would harm the people I love. For a Christian I would think you would have love and charity in your heart. That is what I was taught not hatred. So good bye and best wishes.”

On this day in 1987 I was with other gallant Gays from Utah attending the March on Washington. We were less than 25 people in a sea of more than a half a million but as someone yelled at us on the March Utah: Small but Proud and Brave...

I think we have been trying too hard for too long to be reasonable people when it came to the Koch’s Brothers Tea Party. But we know what it is now. It's the Treason Party; made up of neo-confederate obstructionist racist who hate the Federal Government and who would fracture the United States into 50 un-united states.

 

12 October 2013

Getting yard chores done before it gets to cold or wet. I moved 32 paving stones across my deck and I only tripped once and fell but Daisy came to my rescue and laid by me until I decide to get up; nothing sprained. There may be a day I can't move stones or I can't get off the ground but it's not this day. So now I will lay in my swing and watch the fire in the fire pit and listen to the breeze rustles my autumn leaves..

 

This evening I am finally home from another lovely evening in Ogden hosted by Marilyn Johnson-Faulkner and Tracy L Johnson-Faulkner. Becky Moss was on fire talking about Concerning Gays and Lesbians on KRCL. It was a Good turnout. I even talked to Turner Bitton some who is running for Ogden City council

I love Becky Moss but she has told the same stories so often that I think she believes them. I was aghast when she said by 1985 she had lost 50 friends to AIDS.

Less than 10 people had died of AIDs in Utah by that time... She said that Patty Reagan didn't start the Salt Lake AIDS Foundation until two years after the Utah AIDS Project which was blatantly false. They both were started in October 1985 and when I first mentioned that she basic told the group I was wrong and that the APU had been around 2 years prior to SLAF because she interviewed them. I just bit my tongue rather than fight with her.

She even said she was promoting “bisexual and transgender” issues on the show as part of LGBT back in the 80s and I know that was false cause I was her co-host for 7 years. She has a very selective memory, but she did do the show for 22 years and while I wasn't there to keep her honest, I think my presence kept her from being Super Lesbian.

I met this woman in her 50s who I talked up SAGE to, but she said she tried to go to the Center one Sunday and thought the entrance was on 4^th South and only encountered a homeless guy smoking. Then she went up to the parking terrace and rang a bell to go in and no one answered so she gave up.

I told her the center is more an administrative office than a place that offered a chance to meet people. She asked where the coffee shop is and I said gone.

Valerie's megalomania has destroyed any real community center.

 

13 October 2013 Sunday

Today was the Center’s Coming Out Banquet that honor Michael Aaron with a life time achievement award. Other than that, I heard it was a fizzle. It was rainy and drizzling most of the day and I didn't do much but bake an apple pie and curl up with my pups.

I worry about this nation I have never seen this much anger since the 1960s and I think it's worse today.

The billionaires are pitting us against each other instead of going after them. John Boehner should be tried for sedition as an enemy to the American working people. The Bastard GOP altered the rules of privilege that any member of the House could have asked to entertain the Senate Bill to keep the government open but to give that right exclusively to John Boehner.

 Don't blame Democrats for any part of the shut down and Utah’s part in this is shameful if not treasonous.

 

14 October 2013 Monday

Tonight is the Equality Utah Fundraiser blowout. School is exhausting especially with kids all excited about Halloween in about 2 weeks... Haunted houses to build, paper construction bats to make . I am not denying these kids the same elementary experience everyone else had, just because asshat legislators demand more testing and testing. Sixth grade is about the last time kids get to be kids so I say the hell with you Senator Niederhauser

Bill Poore the sad thing is the legislators don't ask someone like you that has taught these kids for over 20 some years, who better knows what these kids need to prepare them for the future. We know the decision are being made to eventually have all charter schools owned by legislators or former legislators. I hope the kids enjoy just being kids one more year with Mr. Williams.

 

16 October 2013 Wednesday

Sounds like the Republicans are finally caving in on shutting down the government.

Some Transsexuals at the U of U are protesting that Gay writer Dan Savage spoke at Pride Week. It’s a brave new world inhabited by twilight zone people neither quite male nor quite female determined to make the rest of the Gay World genderless and as unhappy as they are and are in cahoots with the PC dykes’ collaborators who hate penises in their attempt to neuter all alpha males. Why are Gay men fair game instead of them going after the real oppressors, heterosexuals?

 

17 October 2013 Thursday

I am down here in Gunnison just devastated. I came down for Kyle Foote’s birthday and they are  on lockdown so they won't let anyone in... I am over by the park just bawling and heartbroken.

Bill Poore wrote: “I am so sorry. Sadly, that is the reality of institutions. Drive safe home, let it go so it does not affect your driving. I am going to Layton this evening maybe I will drop by on the way home if it is not too late....hang in there sweetie.”

I responded; I am okay just a big disappointment... I wanted to be with him on his birthday.”

So what a wasted trip and money because I was so stupid. I was so obsessed with being with Kyle on his birthday that I neglected to check whether the prison was even open for visitors.

I Came back home and worked in the yard to work out my frustration as much as anything. I Chopped the Russian Sage back and pulled up all the squash plants and cucumbers vines that were basically dead now any way the cold weather we had the beginning of October.

 Later when I went and checked the mail, God was kind, and there was a letter there from Kyle. I read it and held it to my cheek… what a sap am I.

 

18 October 2013 Friday

I decided that I needed to go see Kyle Foote since his letter yesterday said he was looking forward to seeing me. So déjà and another road trip to Gunnison. I was anxious that somehow things would be screwed up but it went well except there was a miscommunication and I had to wait nearly a half hour for him.

When I saw him he had a black hand print on his white smock from some guy he works with patting him with a dirty hand. He was a little embarrassed but I didn’t care. He looked fine to me. We talked for two hours and I bought him his first Dr. Pepper in two years he said. How I use to buy liters for him when he lived at house.

He told me all about a work party he got to be in charge of last September where he ordered pizza, and fried chicken and Ben & Jerry Ice Cream…What simple treats when incarcerated.

He said his prison boss even bought him some chocolate licorice for his birthday. I sat closer to him this time instead of across from him…I didn’t care…and no one said anything.

I told him that I had come down on his birthday but I foolishly didn’t check whether it was visiting time or not so while I wasn’t with him I was within a few hundred yards from him.

Bill Poore asked me when I got home was my visit.

I said: “It was good.. Just tired from the trip...it's 260 miles round trip and doing it for two days in a row has me beat.”

Bill Poore said, “When you say you told Kyle you love him, you meant as a person, not as a romantic interest correct?” and I replied, “ my aren't you curious.” He said “ Not really I saw your romantic post last night about traveling 250 to wish someone happy Birthday and that you love them.....I just got a little,  just a little concerned. You remember I an expert at falling totally in love with the wrong person.”

I wrote back the song from The Producers: Prisoners of love…Blue skies above…Can't keep our hearts in jail.”

Bill Poore responded, “I could write a book on obsessive unhealthy love. I had two complete breakdowns over them, and years of therapy.”

I continued: “Oh, you can lock us up And lose the key But hearts in love Are always free!”  Don’t worry Kyle is safely locked up behind bars and I will be dead when he gets out...”

Bill Poore said, “You really should play Arnold in Torch Song Trilogy.....you need a torch singer following you around you house. Well if you are not dead when he gets out you will be shortly after.....Let’s go push over big rocks in Utah’s parks so we can make the national news, maybe you can get locked up with him and be his Biiiitttttccchhhhh.”

I said, “when I got home last Thursday from being disappointed at not getting to see the boy, there was a letter waiting for me in the mailbox from him. It came on his birthday...after reading it I felt like Arnold as I clasped it to my bosom.”

Bill Poore asked, “What did the letter say Blanche?” and I answered “That he was sorry he hadn't written is a while and that time seems suspended in prison and that he thinks of me often ...”

Then Bill Poore said, “Can't remember if I took my meds, dare I risk taking them twice?.  I just seem so nervous all of a sudden. Well he is a good boy with all that time on his hands to think about projects he will be able to do when he is let free.”

I responded, “I think he knows he burned a lot of bridges... don't over medicate....”

Then I asked Michael Aaron: “I heard Tiki Beard quit Equality Utah what is the scoop?” and he answered, “She's been talking about it for a while. I don't think there is any animosity.” “I was just wondering because she quit rather abruptly without a replacement.”

Then Michael said, “I have to think that their donations are down this year because they haven't been so big in the news. Maybe they encouraged anyone thinking of leaving that now was a good time? Just brainstorming here.”

I remarked, “Well not having Sean Penn like they advertised didn't help I suppose... and what have they accomplished lately? Great at fundraising but where is the money going I wonder?”

 

19 October 2013 Saturday

Levon Mirakyan’s distant relatives in Orem came up and brought him his winter clothes and sacks and sacks of Deseret Industry food stuff as well as a bushel of apples and walnuts. I have no idea where I am going to put it all. Six pounds of hot chocolate mix!

I had a nice evening at the SAGEs fall potluck held at the Old Mill in Tracy Aviary... A pretty good turnout. I bet around 100 people were there. I brought a turkey cranberry casserole because the Ws were to bring an entrée this time.

I had asked Bill Poore if he wanted to go. He wrote: “What are you taking? I think I will pass. Have fun.” I told a turkey dressing casserole and he responded, “ yummy, I am sure yours will be the best there. Too bad they don't give out blue ribbons like they did on the Little House and Andy of Mayberry, I am sure yours would be the blue....I know I would give you one for the "Mother Earth" award.” I said “it’s  just Corn bread dressing mixed with roasted turkey and smothered with gravy baked in a big dish...We W's have to bring the entrees this time.” Bill Poore asked. “you are taking a Turkey?” and I answered “nope, I cooked and shredded it to be in the casserole...no bones.” Bill Poore then asked, “ You cooked an entire turkey? Damn now I want turkey.”  Responded, “Just a turkey breast.”

I stopped by Chuck Whyte’s and gave him a lift. I sat with Mark Swonson and Connell O'Donovan because I didn’t see a lot of tables and chairs and I didn’t want to stand the whole time but I saw lots of people from the old community. I thought I had placed Chuck with his Royal Court friend but some guys took his seat. I told him at one point to quiet down because he was loudly on a tirade about Valerie. I said this is not the place to vent...

A couple of Pride Board members were there, Nikki Boyer and Jesse Nix, but conspicuously absent was Valerie Larabee...it's obvious that she disdains those she can't get money out of...Would be nice to actually have a director that actually liked the community she works for.

Marty Pollock wrote: “I have never been to the Pride Center and won't until there is a change of Director. My opinion and mine alone is that I just don't like a person whose own agenda comes before the Community. She needs to resign and maybe more would love to visit the Pride Center like me, but NOT until that day comes.”

I was amazed by the amount of people going back for seconds before some people even got through the line once. I was raised that you just take a sampling at a Pot Luck not just pile it on. But I bet some of these old guys don’t get out much for cooked meals. It’s Kind of sad.

I wanted to slap this one guy in the cowboy hat...he ate three plates of food... Even Mark Swonson piled it on...I was worried those last in line wouldn't get much...you should have a small sampling and move on... I wonder how many people didn't bring anything.

There seemed like there were more people than food...oh we'll count my blessing I am not starving and my mother taught me how to cook... The huge casserole of turkey cranberry dressing I made was picked to the bone like all the entries...

While getting a drink from, the soda was foaming up and I told Megan Risbon an old trick is to stir with your finger and Jesse Nix said you don't know where her fingers been so I said to him, “okay I take your finger” and he said it would cost me extra lol....my opinion of Jesse went up a notch his being willing to work an event...

Connell had to tell me his woes and I told Mark Swonson outright to stop nominating so many people for the Kristen Ries Award, to  pick one and stick with it... Mark reminds me of Grumpy Cat....

 

Brent Marrott was wearing an appropriate witch hat... I wonder if Nikki Boyer thinks I was avoiding her because when we met out in the parking lot, I took off leaving her with Chuck but only because I had that hot casserole dish and had to set it down quickly... I had just taken it out of the oven... Oh well...

There looked like a good crowd but all the cute boys came late and had to go down stairs...I was tempted to relocate myself mostly because of Grumpy Cat Swonson... I didn't stay for the dancing I am not much of a two stepped. There were lots of young cute boys there...The guys in their 30’s because they came late they ended up having to eat down stairs. I think a venue is too small if you have to separate people into two and lose the point of community.

Anyway when they got ready to line dance I was done and wanted to go home. I was tired anyway from yard work this morning. Charles later told me that the dancing had a slow beginning. That Lesbian who was teaching it, thought she has found her "spotlight moment" and went on and on, but Michael Sanders took the bull by the horns and started playing HIS play list, and it got rocking.”

Charles added that he thought the SAGE event was a success considering the Trannies tried to KILL IT! He wrote me, “I fucking am only saying GLB from now on--just like YOU. And when I get questioned, I will say--they need their own separate organizations, because their needs and goals are very different than ours!! I am going to say the reason they feel like the BUS doesn't fit, OR it never came back for them--is because IT IS A DIFFERENT FUCKING BUS! I Swear I will.”

When I went to retrieve my casserole dish, I saw that all the food was gone but desserts. Connell had asked Charles if he could take a plate home but all the food was gone. It made me realize that Rocky must be out of food so I thought I better make him something.

I Went to bed shortly after going home with my bed hogs have me clinging on the side of the bed, in a pretzel, and they could not care less snoring away.

 

20 October 2013 Sunday

I went out by the Jordan River and dug up some sage that was blooming and planted it along my curb near the Russia Sage. I hope it takes off because the Purple and Yellow blossoms will be spectacular. I also made a huge pot of chicken soup and two loaves of zucchini bread this morning.

Bill Poore dropped by for a little bit this afternoon and I sent him home with some soup and zucchini bread, the old reprobate. I then brought the gallon of Chicken Soup and one of the zucchini bread over to Sister Connell O'Donovan and we sat and visited a little.

He’s on hard times. I told him about Crossroads Urban Center Food Bank. I hope he goes since he doesn’t think he qualifies for food stamps.

He said that Kent Scadlock will probably have to move from his avenue place he loves so much because Chuck Copeland is not improving and may die in the care center he’s in. That is so sad.

After staying about ½ hour at his 2nd West apartment I then went over to Charles Frost to check up on them and deliver an apple pie I made for Doug Lott this morning...

We sat and visited about an hour. I told him how well I thought his Sage Pot Luck went but we realized there are some real food issues in this community among seniors. I think there are people going hungry.

I asked Charles, “what was up with that Steve guy?” I said hi and welcoming and asked if he was on Face Book and he said no because too many people were posting crap lol so I said “okaaayyy”y... And took off..” .

I told Charles: “your sage events are more community spirited events than anything the Pride Center does... Did you see any Trannys there tonight? Granny Trannies lol. And where was Valerie? Oh I guess since it wasn't a fundraiser so she can't be bothered...”

Charles said, “I'm making a sign and putting it up next time, DO NOT GET MORE FOOD UNTIL EVERYONE HAS EATEN PLEASE! We do have a food insecurity problem with several SAGE age folks, men, and women. At least Connell asked if he could have another plate of desserts. Is he diabetic? He's another who needs to get on Food Stamps.”

Charles added, “Sage is for many, but mostly those who are marginalized. And you are correct, no trannies came out to support. I hope their big event goes into the shitter.”

I said that I had asked Rocky if he applied for food stamps but said he doesn't qualify... I wanted to tell him that if Chuck qualifies so should he but I didn't want to let him know Chucks business. Charles said Connell WOULD AND SHOULD get food stamps. Silly he doesn't for that. It is there for people JUST LIKE HIM.”

I asked Charles, “Ever considered renting the Unitarians banquet hall? It's spacious has a kitchen and that is where we use to hold our Thanksgiving dinners...”

            Each Day I'll Do a Golden Deed as my Grandpa Johnson used to sing... “Christian Charity” would make a good drag name.

 

21 October 2013 Monday

Monday ugh...Face Book was having problems and wouldn't let me post my history blog which was frustrating and then I couldn't find my wallet and I had to turn the house upside down. I had wanted to go in to work early after a long weekend...

And last night my favorite reading glasses broke but other than that I am planning on having a great day . Grrr.

Back to work after a busy, busy Fall Break. I had the kids finish up their Haunted houses I had them make. They turned out rather good. Hope I don't get in trouble by letting my kids be creative and have some Halloween fun... Lord knows I should be drumming facts and test taking skills into their brains to keep Utah’s anti education legislature happy

 

22 October 2013 Tuesday

Today is my only niece’s 42nd birthday. It’s my grandpa Williams birthday too. He would have been 111 years old.

 

23 October 2013 Wednesday

Kids are  throwing up left and right at school. Must be some kind of bug going around some type of stomach flu.

I wrote the University of Utah Medical billing department about the bill they sent me for $81 because they billed my insurance wrong. Everyone is fussing now over the troubles many are having in enrolling in Obamacare.

 

24 October 2013  Thursday

Tonight was the PTA’s carnival which was rescheduled and now conflicted with most teachers who have to go to this health fair. I brought in a bunch of Halloween decorations to help out at least.

Well I guess my Halloween candy snacking has caught up with me and my blood sugars really spiked to 290... Back to being not so sweet...

I went to a district mandated health fair at Viewmont and had my blood pressure and stuff checked. My Body Mass Index is 35.1 which I knew I was fat. My blood pressure was 167 over 87 and my cholesterol was 149. While there I also got my flu shot… so back to eating like a sane person again and testing my blood…Ouch.

At home I had to fill out a survey for Altius which more or less said my health was fair… Good enough.

Oregon said they will recognize Gay marriages performed in other states. Good for them.

 

25 October 2013 Friday

The Actress Marcia Wallace died at the age of 70. She was a hoot on the Old Bob Newhart Show and she was the voice of school teacher Edna Krabappel on the Simpsons…She will have an amazing legacy.

 

26 October 2013 Saturday.

I am pooped from cleaning the house for 4 hours this morning and afternoon, vacuuming, dusting, polishing, sweeping, mopping, straightening, washing dishes, and doing laundry and sweeping leaves off the deck...

I had a burst of energy and made some a pumpkin pie with Splenda. Sometime I will have to make banana bread with the over ripe bananas I have that Levon Mirakyan  didn’t eat.

Yay for me! I got my blood sugar down from 290 to 134 this morning. I finally got in the Halloween mood and put up my flying witch and the electric pumpkins and some other season decorations. It is the Season of the Witch after all.

            For Bill Poore’s and my little Spooky Movie night I made a pumpkin pie, buttered popcorn, spiced apple cider, and had bought some potato chips and dip. Bill brought over some baby carrots and celery so we had a lot of munchies. I made the pie with Splenda to help keep my blood sugar from spiking.

We finally settled in the projector room to watch Sissy Spacek’s “Carrie” ...  It had been forever since I’ve seen it and had forgotten all the beaver shots in the girl’s locker room at the opening…now that was scary... Hope I don't have nightmares ... “Boo!”

 

27 October 2013 Sunday

I got this morning and put a pork loin and corn bread dressing in the oven and called Chuck Whyte up and asked what he was doing for his birthday. He didn’t have any plans until around 5 pm, so I invited him over for a birthday dinner.

I also baked 3 loaves of Pumpkin Bread with Splenda instead of sugar. They looked like they turned out fine but I have had any yet.

I spent this morning also pulling the tarp off the hot tub because so much water had pooled on top that I was afraid once it froze over the weight would crash down. So I brought out a piece of ply wood I had in the garage and place it across the beam to give added support for snow and rain that is bound to come. It was tiring going up and down moving the ladder and putting that board up all by myself but Levon Mirakyan was nowhere to be found as usual.

Well it was such a pretty day…about 65 degrees and breezy, blowing leaves around. Very Autumn like for sure.

When I went to pick up Chuck I dropped a loaf of bread off at Charles Frost although he wasn’t home. I gave him a redneck cap too that said Bad Boy on it.

Anyway it looks like Chuck has another cast on his foot I guess to keep him from stepping the wrong way on his injured foot. He was wearing hospital scrubs.

At the house we had a nice dinner although the dressing didn’t turn out as good as I had liked it to but it was still good.

 We went into the projector room and watched “Nightmare Before Christmas” and ate dinner in there. We visited until I had to take him to the Trapp at 6 where I guess members of the Royal Court were celebrating members’ birthdays.

So after feeding the dogs cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry it was time to get caught up on my journal.

 

28 October 2013 Monday

It was Fright night at the Pride Center...the SAGE program took a hit...the Board Meeting kicked out the Salt Lake Q press so as a community we are left in the dark about what is going on... What a farce... No way to run a "community center"... Egos run amok...

Charles Frost posted that he was fired from the center as part of layoffs. The only people fired were Gay men. Of the 13 remaining staff members of the Pride Center only three positions are filled with males and not all of them are Gay men... Why were the two positions eliminated filled by Gay Men? There certainly seem to be a bias against Gay men in the hiring practices of Valerie Larabee... I smell discrimination... God the nerve of that woman... Crocodile Tears...

She’s so sorry she killed SAGE and fired two Gay Men but we will talk about your concerns in 33 days but kept donating... boycott the center until Larabee is gone I say.

 

This is what Valerie Larabee thinks of the community... Cut programs for the very people who laid the foundation for the community...

It's a sad day in our community when someone who has raised 1000s of dollars for causes, has a genuine love of community like Charles Frost  is let go wherein someone who has mismanaged 1000s of dollars disdains the community and has ruined the reputation of our community center still has a job... Sickening.

I wrote Michael Aaron –“Black Day at the Pride Center... I wonder what the board is hearing.” He said, “They kicked us out” and I asked, “Isn't it a public meeting?”

Michael Aaron said “Yes, and if Larabee is in there, we should have been allowed, since if they declare the meeting to be in executive session, she has to leave.”

I responded, “Even if they closed it to discuss performance or behavior that should have been just a part of it and the rest should have been opened... Do you know the guy who replaced Nikki Boyer?”

Michael Aaron said, “They did say we could stay and see how long that part would take, be we were assured it would likely be the whole meeting. I've heard good things about Netto, but don't know him.”

I asked, “Was he on the board before? Who picked him to be President?” Michael replied, “He was elected in 2011, resigned because he was working on the new building design, and they were going to pay him, and was reinstated in August, after his business folded. Not sure if they have officially declared him president yet.”

I said, “I hope he's Gay at least... Lol” but Michael wrote: “I don't believe his is, though I could be wrong.” I ended by saying, “Anymore you never know Well isn't that something...”

 

29 October 2013 Tuesday

Face book is on fire over the firing of Charles Frost from the center. When a long-time program for older gays is cut, it just proves that older people really have no value in the gay community.-

I made this comment which I think indicates how a lot of Gays feel... “And personally I think Valerie had a vendetta against Gay Men and that is why only they were fired instead of an across the board reduction of salaries or staff. It is very clear that the Pride Center has no place for Gay Men anymore...they have NEVER had programs in place for Gay men ages 25-50 such as health fairs as they did for women... They never had any events geared to men issues as they had had many time for women and transsexual...

SWerve ran the center for years... SAGE was one of the few programs that some men felt comfortable with and attending and that is gone ...the only program now for young Gay men, it seems, is the anti-tobacco program... Something is seriously wrong when the G in LGBT is discarded...

Where are the programs for Men who are not transitioning? There are none because Valerie Larabee doesn't support them... we need leadership not patronage... May be too late to build trust again.

Okay how bizarre can things get at the Center... John Netto the new Chair of the Board of the Pride Center is a Straight Man who co facilitated with his wife at Valarie's Commitment Ceremony to Laura Bradshaw... Can the center get any more cronyism? How objective can he be? About as objective as Nikki Boyer was I suppose ha!...

I appreciate Allies but I don't appreciate them running our affairs. The Board members are on “shut down” and not saying a word... how spineless can they be...

If John Netto wants to repair the Center's damage image he would fire Valerie and get an interim director... Valerie has layered the center with 13 Staff positions certainly they should be able to do their job without her and just have the Board do its job!

We need people at the Talking Circle tomorrow. Valerie's high handedness is beyond the pale... Her $80,000 + multi-monthly vacations does not make her Queen of the Queens... She serves at our pleasure ... the board does NOT Represent the community anymore... Rats are fleeing a sinking ship...

Nikki Quit the Board… See what no supervision for 5 years has wrought? ... Why wasn't everyone given a pay cut across the board instead of firing the older Gay Men? The distrust is so great in the leadership that there is no confidence in them and they need to go...the board shares the blame... The Center shot themselves in the foot and now are pointing blame at others... For shame.”

 

30 October 2013 Wednesday

The Tribune had an article on the troubles at the center. Valerie Larabee found a champion in John Netto who officiated at her union with Laura Bradshaw... Who exactly asked him to come back and take over? How credible is this straight man who's own business went bankrupt and laid many, many people off? May be no malfeasance but certainly incompetence and Netto also throws the board to the curb rather than place any blame on Valerie... Interesting...They certainly are in cahoots and are not to be trusted at face value... The whole deal stinks...

            I went to the Circle Meeting that the Pride Center held where lots of passionate people were frustrated, concerned, and venting... About time. I hope John Netto walks the talk about more community transparency, more community input, and more accountability but I doubt it. 

Not knowing what to expect and with a little trepidation I went to the Pride Center for the “Circle Talk” that was held in the basement that looks pretty nice for a big space. The chairs in the room were in a giant circle and as I was a little late the meeting had already started with Valerie explaining her position. I was not at all receptive.

Meghan Risbon directed me to go sit next to Bill Poore and I was also next to Jesse Nix a board member. By the end of the meeting I would say at least 60 people were there although I didn’t do an actual count.

People I knew were Chuck Whyte, Connell O’Donovan, Michael Sanders, Brent Marrott, Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson, Michael Aaron, Bob Henline, probably more.

A Microphone was passed around for people to express why they were there. The new Board President John Netto acted as the moderator. Brent Marrott and Michael Sanders were on the SAGE advisory Board and spoke about separating the center…

Most of the people spoke about lack of transparency and being upset over the firing of Charles Frost. If there is one person beloved in this community it is Charles Frost... people were testifying to his good deeds like a revival meeting and how he is the spirit of SAGE.

When it was my turn to speak  I spoke about the lack of communication with the community and how if we would have known the financial straits SAGE was in perhaps we could have helped. I said they took the heart and soul out of SAGE by letting go of Charles and they can have volunteers animate the corpse to make it do a lively dance but it will not thrive without his vision. I did have my say be assured of that.

When John Netto proposed that Board members would be more involved in SAGE I said why don’t they appoint Charles to the Board then?. They wouldn’t address that so I asked three times and Kent Frogley said you have asked that three times and said right back at him I will ask four more times if I don’t get any answer. I wanted to cut through the pretense that Charles’ firing wasn’t personal.

            Anyway I said that the issue of confidence and faith in the center is lacking and John Netto said he didn’t know how they could get that back and I said by accountability by being accountable to the community. The community shouldn’t have to go to the board. The board should come to the community.

            Anyway it went on and on until about 2 and half hours, before I left and went home to feed the dogs…the last I heard that the center is going to schedule weekly meetings with the community for a while.

The treasurer of the board this young cute lawyer Chris Wharton who paid me a compliment saying he has learned a lot about the community from reading my Lambda Lore columns.

 

31 October 2013 Thursday

Well another Halloween has come and gone. The kiddies were out by 4:30 and on the streets... I did my Halloween at school where I bought glazed donuts, red punch, candy corn and tootsie rolls for my students and we watched “Witches” since I finished reading the book this morning....

Well it’s the End of the 1st Term of School Yay! I only have one more 1st Term before I retire.

 I took Levon Mirakyan to the gym in the late afternoon but other than that I stayed home with the dogs with the lights off. Far cry from former Halloweens. I think we had only one person who actually rang the doorbell.

I haven’t heard from Charles Frost since the Monday Night Massacre.

 

NOVEMBER

1 November 2013 Friday

It was a teacher’s prep day so no kids but I had to be there at 8:00 because we had a Bountiful police officer come talk to us about future lock down practices we will be having now because of the amount of school shootings there have been across the nation. I guess it’s the times in which we live. I got a lot done at  Washington.

Then in the late afternoon I decided to go to Rocky O’Donovan’s Samhain feast but what a joke. There's a reason I stay home at nights...I truly intended on going to the  Faerie Gathering... but then Walt Larabee, the person I was taking, couldn't go, so I dressed up & drove down to Midvale anyway which is a distance with heavy traffic.

I thought I was making good time...I turned off the 72nd freeway exit heading to Midvale...well all I needed was to be at 400 east and 7800 I thought no problem but from 7200 south all the streets were West so I went south to 7800 turn around and headed east and the streets landed me in the middle of a twisty subdivision area so driving around for 20 minutes I thought so close then the signs said it was Sandy not Midvale ugh!

I was already 20 minutes late and it had turned dark so I gave up... 35 miles and an hour out of my life... So there's also a reason I don't venture out of Salt Lake City at night... Lesson learned. And don't anyone tell me to use GPS...Screw you

 

2 November 2013 Saturday

I am Going in to Washington to work today... The End of the term means finishing up grades, getting Parent Conference reports ready, changing from Halloween to Turkeys, washing and disinfecting tops of kid’s desks, planning for next term, and finally getting to put away the stacks of papers back in files... At least I get an extra hour tomorrow.

            Now I am pooped… 8 hours at work... Rescuing my nephew from panic mode, and moving stones, and raking and blowing leaves... If I drop dead just let the leaves and snow cover until spring... It will give the magpies something to peck at and Daisy a thigh bone.

I only had a bag of little Debbie's chocolate mini donuts all day... Yes I said bag... I should be on a “Little Debbie's” 12 step program ... “hi I'm Ben and I am a mini donut-o- holic.”

            Today I am thankful that I am in a position to financially help a dear family member and for low interest rates on a credit card. I went into work about 10 a.m. to finish projects I started yesterday and get ready for a new term. Once a month the building is open on a Saturday. It used to be every Saturday but times change.

About noon I get a frantic call from my nephew James who is almost in tears asking to borrow some money. He had a tumor removed from his brain a couple of months ago and has only since gone back to work but he was behind on his car payments and they were going to repossess his vehicle and he would have no way to get to work so I let him borrow $900 on my American First Credit Card. He seemed at the end of his rope.

I stayed at work until almost 4:30 and then came home and raked leaves in the back yard and moved some more of the paving stones. I was kind of pissed at Levon Mirakyan because I came home to a dirty kitchen so he hadn’t even bothered to do a thing today. I think he knew I was mad because then he went in and cleaned the kitchen.

I ended up watching “Legally Blond” with him because I think he’s terribly lonesome but what companionship can I offer him?

 

3 November 2013 Sunday

Daisy and Buddy are no respecters of Standard time... They want their morning snack now...I am grateful the dogs let me sleep in 20 minutes longer before jumping on me and demanding their morning snack...I am grateful I can afford a morning snack when so many people are hungry.

I woke up to it snowing this morning. I worked awhile on my history blog  but later went shopping at Lowes and Sears for a Snow Blower but they all were outrageously priced like at $500 and they had no electric ones which I wanted, so I bought an electric one from Sears on line for about $190 and am having free delivery. Welcome to the 21st Century. Never really bought anything huge on line before.

The snow this morning was foreboding of things to come.

In the afternoon Levon Mirakyan was finally up. He missed going to the gym because it closes on Sunday at 2:00 p.m. I had gone shopping after failing to find a snow blower I wanted at Lowes, and at home I made a Meat loaf with mashed potatoes, gravy and green beans for dinner and I made a homemade chicken pot pie which I took over to Charles Frost and visited a while with Doug Lott.

Charles was at an advisory board meeting with SAGE to decide what to do with that organization. I am sure Charles hasn't felt like cooking having been sucker punched by Valerie Larabee last week. So I did my Sister Wife duty.

First day of standard time and it’s getting dark at 5:30. Faeries called the November Full Moon the Dark moon.

Levon was a chatterbox this evening. Even gave me a hug and said he is going to miss me. I think he realizes now things are moving on.

Sunday Sermonette... If you are sitting in a church that actively promotes the denial of basic civil rights to others knowing full well it doesn't pay taxes but uses its money to promote political agendas instead of charitable work... I am sorry you are not a Christian you are an asshole.

 

4 November 2013 Monday

Thankful for a warm snugly house on this cold November morning. It will be interesting who turns out to vote tomorrow in an off election year....if you are mad about losing $24 billion while cutting $5 billion in food stamps then get out and vote even if it's for dog catcher.

Republicans are doing everything they can to take away our rights to vote that Democrats have fought long and hard for 60 years. When we don't vote the Koch sucking tea baggers win.

 

5 November 2013 Tuesday

Boom! I woke up with 3 inches of snow all over my back deck. So glad I ordered a snow blower form Sears on line. It gets here on the 14th and hopefully no more snow until then.

I am thankful that I was not out in the snow storm last night and the 3 inches of snow on my deck will melt later so I won't have to shovel. Winter has arrived.

I voted today although there was only one race on the ballot and that was for first district city council. How can people justify not voting when young people are dying overseas to protect that right?

However I have a feeling the guys on the ballot were both Republicans but since it was nonpartisan their affiliation was not listed... I never vote for a Republican willingly... Hate not knowing what I am getting... Just a pig in a poke. I voted for Kevin Park and he lost by only 67 votes.

In other news Orin Hatch actually voted for ENDA to outlaw discrimination against Gay people and Trannys. I think he did it to spite the Tea baggers more than to help us. Tea baggers lost elections across the country, especially in Virginia.

 

6 November 2013 Wednesday

I am thankful I live in a country that you can't fool all of the people all of the time and we can vote to peacefully rid idiots and self-promoters out of office. Grateful that in some parts of this nation people are free to marry the people they love unhindered by bigotry disguised as religion. Illinois became another state to legalize Gay marriage.

Rumor is that John Netto and Valerie Larabee are out of town. My guess is they are in Las Vegas trying to convince Beano Solomon that Valerie's mismanagement should be propped up with a new infusion of cash.

The National elections yesterday made me sad that in my own community Gay people have no voice in choosing those self-appointed leaders who make decisions for us without our input... Bring back accountability bring back transparency bring back a community council...

At the last minute John Netto set up a talking circle for tonight at 6:00. I did not want to go out tonight but it was well worth the $7.50 I had to pay for parking at the library for all the drama I heard and witnessed at the Talking Circle at the Pride Center...

Not as large as last time, mainly due to the fact only 4 board members showed up, John Netto, Nikki Boyer, Jon Jepsen, and Jesse Nix. Larabee was a no show and Netto explained her absence by saying he had just put her through a 2 hour ringer.

Jim Dabakis came and sat next to me. Others were Troy Williams, Matt Landis, Drew McGee, Becky Moss, Todd Bennett, Brent Marrott, and surprisingly Charles Frost who had broken a blood vessel in one of his eyes the poor thing.

Those there were out for blood and answers and Netto kept contradicting himself and at one point suggested that he’ll have his lawyer answer for him when he was questioned about his own past businesses. Meagan Risbon knew more answers to questions about the center than Netto did.

Troy Williams started off saying that Netto needs to understand how much conflict Larabee has created out in the community and no one seems to be addressing that. Both Michael Aaron and Bob Henline pulled no punches on questions about being lied to about the closed meeting where Charles termination was discussed.

I think John Netto only sees mortar and bricks and cleaning up a turd pile as John Netto put it and is resistant to ridding the center of the public face of the problem which is Larabee...

I was about to bitch slap Kent Frogley and some other dude when I addressed that the board has not been successful picking executive directors from outside our community and that there has never been an election of regular people to the board from the community. They tried to shut me up saying that wasn’t true and were challenging me so I called them on their bullshit and when one piped up and suggested I would know more about what goes on the community if I read the Q magazine. I retorted I write for that magazine! That shut him right up...they don't know who they are messing with nor do they know who is who in the community...

Todd Bennett voiced two really good question about Larabee and the center neither of which was fully addressed. He asked if moving to this building was too ambitious of a project and whether the lack of trust in Larabee’s abilities would prevent people donating to the center.

I have never seen Charles Frost so full of fury. He read them the riot act. Even called Netto a rich privileged white heterosexual, to which some Tranny took offense. Another Trans-male was complaining how the community again throws them under that tired old bus.

Michael Sanders, of SAGE’s advisory board read SAGE’s resolution to dissolve their connection with the Pride Center. Nikki Boyer pipes up that the Center owns the rights to SAGE. She also uttered that Queers eat their own which I took an exception to and voiced my opinion that wanting accountability, transparency and respect from our “leaders” is not eating our own.

The difference between me and smug face Kent Frogley is that I knew almost everyone there in that room by name and their positions in the community. I know he didn’t and eventually he left.

I had to leave at 8:30 to get home because I have school tomorrow but Charles Frost said that he later in the parking lot behind the center confronted Nikki Boyer and said she shares the blame in this fiasco. She said it would be a catastrophe to fire Larabee at this time and Charles said it will be part of your legacy that you put Larabee’s interest ahead of the community’s which made her cry. She should cry and Charles is the only one who could speak the truth to her whether she chooses to listen or not.

John Phillip Wilkes wrote: Just arriving home from the UPC Community Circle. The meeting was continuing past it's allotted time with still plenty of heat to spare. People were, however, getting tired, I feel. Questions that had already been asked & answered were being asked again. Questions and answers were not being fully heard, perhaps.

I still think some good solutions were offered and some important issues addressed. Some people are hurt and angry, with good reason. It's difficult to be abruptly dismissed from something you have dedicated your heart and soul to for quite a long time. Much like losing a long-time companion, I feel.

Others are confused, also with good reason, because specific information is not forthcoming, and lack of information in the past has left people uninformed or misinformed. Like getting your news from Fox, I would guess.

However, attacking, and insulting people who have stepped up into a pile of shit and are willing to hear what you have to say, committed to addressing those concerns and solving the problems is going to accomplish nothing. Unless we can have respect for that person, we are simply alienating a powerful ally, much as a certain person everyone is blaming has been accused of doing.

I have known John Netto for many years, and know him to be an honest, compassionate, philanthropic man, whom I deeply respect. He is an entrepreneur, an advocate, and an activist.

So what if he is not LGBTQ? So what if he has money he has worked very hard for? He is anything but "high classed" or "elitist." I believe given the time, cooperation, and resources he needs, he will at least get a good start on pulling UPC out of the tail spin in which it now finds itself. John needs our help, not our consternation.

But Ben, you were perfection.”

Bob Henline commented: I'm still not happy with the lack of transparency being demonstrated. Jesse Michael Nix promises to have a transparency policy put together within a week. I trust him, there are several others involved about whom I don't share such sentiment.”

John Wilkes responded, “It was revealing to hear the details of your discussion from the last Board Meeting , Bob. Whoa! I'd be pissed too.”

Bob Henline continued, “That's the part of the question he wouldn't address, John. Yes, they admitted to screwing up by closing the meeting improperly and that's great. There was no apology issued, however, other than John Netto saying so tonight. That's irrelevant, though.

The big issue is that 2 board members and the Executive Director point-blank lied to me about it. They each told me that the ENTIRE meeting was about confidential employee information and that just isn't true. You don't start a new era of transparency with lies and obfuscation.

The Pride Center has lost its connection to the community, the trust isn't there. John Netto has to be much more clear, and much more honest in his answers to questions. He can't afford to round off numbers and make mistakes that end up sounding like lies.

He's tagged with the Center's history and reputation now, whether deserved or not, and the light of scrutiny is going to be on him. To fix this he has to be doing it better and more openly than anyone else.”

John Wilkes said, “I agree and I intend to tell him so. “I don't knows” and generalization won't cut it. It's not easy to pull the wool over my eyes. I wonder if sometimes my openness about my former homelessness and coping with Depression (with a capital D) makes people summarily dismiss me.

When I say I respect and trust someone, you can bet they deserve that, after what I have experienced. But John needs to come next week with more specific answers. Who are the donors they have been advised to "quietly" solicit? Who are the "experts" that are advising him/UPC?

Experts are all fine and good, but in our admittedly unique demographic, perhaps a modicum of one's own common sense and intuition might be called for. He may not be the perfect interim Board Chair, but I'll bet he was the only person willing to take on the challenges he is facing.

I say that if we work with him, and give him time, if the board and all the staff give him the commitment and tools he needs, he will go far to solve our community's and UPC's problems. I will stand by that until I know otherwise.

Ben, get to know John. Give him a break. As I expressed at the meeting, you think us fags are a tough lot; try dealing with hundreds of homeless, desperate, hungry, some drunk, some addicted, pushing shoving homeless people. He has, to great effect. It is no small thing to say that he was an important part of my victory over homelessness, and probably served others in the same way. If he has done that, he can give this his best ole college try and more, I do not doubt. He is certainly anything but "high class" or "elitist."

I told John that my main concern is his blind eye to Valerie's misdeeds and Bob Henline said, “Unfortunately there isn't a great deal of time, as he's asking for. The Center is in crisis and solutions need to come fast. I respect his willingness to step up and eat that big shit sandwich, but he needs to stop spinning and obfuscating and just be plain, honest, and clear.”

Amy Barry concerning my knowledge added, “No one in their right mind would try to challenge you on history in the LGBT community.”

John Wilkes continued his defense of John Netto. “I don't see it that way. I don't think he's protecting Valerie at all. He said that he had just put her through the ringer for 2 hours. I believe him. We are confused, hurt, angry and mistrustful right now, and I know I needed to pull that back a bit. I am in no way an apologist or plant to sing the praises of John. I can only share my experience with him. I did put him in the sights a couple of times tonight, in fact, and one of my questions was not answered satisfactorily. But I do believe in the man unless he proves to me I should do otherwise.”

Jerry Buie chimed in saying, “It’s so much easy to play the misunderstood, victim, board of directions..... Truly..... I left there convinced that no one knows what they are doing at the Center or the board......”

I responded “The purpose of a community council was for community leaders to interact get to know each put a face on an organization....it's time we do this again... This crisis could have been avoided if Valerie had accountability to a community and not to her handpicked board.”

 

Douglas Cartier wrote: Very sad, but I've felt this for years. Is Valerie the entire problem at the Center, NO, but she's a contributing factor and it's time for new leadership whether you like Val or not. It sounds like Netto is just another talking head and one of Val's minions. This won't get solved with talking circles when one side is talking and one side isn't listening. Clean house--top to bottom, have more oversight of the finances and begin anew with new blood. If an organization isn't evolving, it's devolving or going down the tubes. Just my humble opinion.”

Brent V. Marrott wrote: “Yes, quite a circus. John, no matter how good he is at what he has done, will not fire Valerie. That alone, takes his credibility away. I think there are people that could step in and be an interim director. There are qualified employees there that have the knowledge and the know how---use them. As for SAGE, I say separate completely from the Pride Center. Establish a new chapter, hold meetings and events at different locations. Separate entity. Then get back to work on SAGE activities and goals....”

I added: Valerie only saw projects of the center as fund raisers she saw people in terms of dollars.”

Jerry Buie got the last word in: “ I do think we should reconsider the talking and listening circle philosophy .... not sure that much listening was accomplished.... when one is formulating a response while the question is being asked would suggest that listening is not taking place.”

 

7 November 2013 Thursday

I woke up rather stressed over all I have to do today to get ready to take tomorrow off. It’s more work to prepare for a substitute then to just come on in. I had to make a vocabulary quiz, a reading test, a math test, and come up with some sort of art project.

            Then after school I rushed down to the Redwood Clinic to have my lab work done but surprisingly they only pricked my finger. I am thankful they just pricked my finger rather then drew blood...grateful I have insurance to see a doctor for checkups.

It was a beautiful sun set tonight and the weather is amazing compared to the snow storm earlier this week.

I wrote Charles Frost saying: “Perhaps the reason people don't attend Trans events is the same reason they don't attend our events... Different interests... Bless their hearts.”

Charles said, “I agree. But they have got to stop being victims and take charge of their future, their vision, their image within the community. They cannot say "throw us under the bus" anymore. They have to own and stop the internal bickering.”

I then said, “If they dislike us so much why don't they leave? I would... But where would they go? Are you okay noticed your eye was red anything I can do?”

Charles wrote: It was a fury cry last weekend. I finally burst and let go, poor Doug had to listen to me, and I cried so hard that I popped a blood vessel in my eye.”

I said “Michael Aaron was grinning when I was calling Kent Frogley’s statements bullshit..  Pride center doesn't own SAGE. They just want to latch on to your success. Rest your eyes.”

Charles agreed: “So true. I feel if this continues there won't be a Utah Pride Center to own SAGE before long. I am trying not to rub it. Doug is helping. It is getting better. It looked horrible on Sunday, almost all red. I scared my little granddaughter Jocie, so she wouldn't even look at me. I had to put on dark glasses. LOL.

Valerie not being there did her more harm. Netto cannot be the Moses he professes to be. Jerry Buie summed it up best at the end of the meeting. Jerry also said Netto has Narcissistic personality disorder. So does Larabee. I am going to start calling her Larabee in all my comments and conversations. She is my enemy now because she is the ENEMY OF THE COMMUNITY.

Is John Phillip Wilkes on something? God he cannot stop posting. I love him, but let it be, for tonight man!! YOU Keep after Kent Frogley! He is such a fucking elitist bastard. His glares, look aways, and his body language makes him such a fucking snob. He needs to pull the stick out of his ass.”

I said, “lol yes it was very telling that Valerie is afraid of this community... I told John Netto after the meeting that this community cannot heal while Valerie is the public face of the community...but he is dug in. Kent Frogley is a no body... What has he done? Sat on boards who cares. It got him invites to A list parties about all. And he's stupid … you don't piss off a cook or a historian.”

Charles Frost “LOL Agree. FUEL definitely got put back on the fire tonight. And its fuel that will continue to be added until the witch is burned, and the board trembles in fear of the REAL community.”

I added, “They don't know the real community... They think they are above it and Nikki Boyer pissed me off with her comment Queers eat their own... No they just won't take shit from incompetent leaders. It's easy to dismiss the people in the room tonight when you don't know who anyone is.”

Charles: I completely agree. Narcissistic personality disorder. I gave Nikki some God's honest truth in the parking lot. I wasn't going to do it in the meeting in front of everyone, but she heard some very difficult things from me tonight. I told her she needs to use every skill she has to get Valerie to step down. She said she's tried, but she also said she feels that Valerie Larabee being dismissed right now would be disastrous. I told her I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOU NIKKI BOYER, and you are responsible for Larabee and this current mess. I told her the building was a huge mistake, and she agreed. I told her that she (Nikki), Valerie, and Beano were fools to get us into this building mess. And that will be her Legacy.”

I commented, If Kent Frogley could name 5 people in the room and their position in the community I would be surprised.. . And gawd wasn't Brent [Marrott] as happy as a monkey with a banana running the show lol”       

Charles Frost: “Yes he was. Made him feel powerful. I kept telling him who was next, and who to call on. I am very glad they ended with you. I wish Dabakis would have continued to share your reputation and role. Brent was being a dick about that.”

I said “Troy Williams surprised me with his honesty and I wanted to pop that bald headed weasel guy… snatch him bald.. but he already looked like a cancer patient.”

Charles said, “I told Nikki tonight, if she doesn't speak up and do something she is going to be the fall guy for this, and that is wrong. I said you have a lot of responsibility in this current mess Nikki, but you should not be Valerie Larabee's Fall guy.”

I commented, “I was embarrassed about that recognition. About Jim Dabakis ...putting a spot light on me.”

Charles Frost added, “That bald boy is a drugged out mess. Miguel is his name. He is a volunteer at the center. One of Megan's friends. He has been in my old office far too many times to not know he doesn’t understand reality. Don't be embarrassed. Let him. That is Jim Dukakis’s way of getting people to listen to you. They should goddamnit.”

“I shut that one kid up who said if I'd had read a magazine I'd had known about the board when I quipped I WRITE for the magazine lol. Little twerps don't even know who's who or what's what. Alas I can't be at the next meeting because of Parent Conference... So keep me posted.”

Charles then said, “I won't be at anymore either darling. I am stepping away and gaining perspective. Letting them continue with the same lame ass structure, and they will eventually fold.”

I said, “I want to stay just to keep pushing for a community council among the people that are actively involved.”

Charles Lynn Frost stated, “I am hearing that idea from many directions. Keep pounding away with that one on Face Book and at these talking circles. Jerry Buie summarized it perfectly last night after the meeting when he said, "They see us as children, who don't know what's good for them." "We keep thinking we need their PERMISSION to do something, and we don't." He's right you know. I need to have a face to face with you to rage a big. You saw the wind and fury last night. Guess I am not over that phase!! LOL!! John Netto was like a little circus dog running in circles, back and forth, yipping and yapping. He is increasing the PR mess that exists, not helping it.”

 

8 November 2013 Friday

It sure turned out to be a busier day than I thought it would be. I went to my doctor’s appointment at 8:00 and got in pretty fast. Told Dr. Stoneburner he needed a haircut… He so cute.

My blood pressure was 128/80 pulse 77 Temperature 96.7 and my weight went up 249 from 245.8 lbs. last August 8. So he wants me to lose 10 lbs. by my next visit in early February. I also had to cancel my eye examination with Dr. Hoopes because it was for next week and I just can’t take off time during Conferences. They had changed my appointment from right before Thanksgiving to the 14th and I didn’t have a schedule yet to know there would be a conflict.

So after leaving the doctors I went to the Northwest Rec Center and bought another 1 month membership for $25. I need to exercise more for sure, especially now the winter months are coming on. I was on the tread mill for a half hour and my right leg started to get sore so I didn’t push it. I didn’t want a repeat of last August.

After that I called Chuck Whyte to see if he wanted to do lunch and he did so at 11:30 we went to Chuck A Rama… I was careful not to eat too much mainly fish, chicken, and salads. So we chatted and visited and he told me all that was going on with his health and I caught him up to speed on the Pride Center.

After we were finished, I stopped to get air in my tires noticing they seemed low and I saw a screw in my front tire so I went to Discount Tires to have that repaired. It was about an hour wait so I walked down to K-Mart and bought Levon Mirakyan a light for his bike so he doesn’t get stopped anymore at night by overly enthusiastic cops.

            While I was walking back to Discount Tires a school bus went by with my kids screaming “HI MR WILLIAMS! Where were you?” It was my students going home because school was out. I had taken the day off to go to the doctors so sure now they think I was playing hooky.

Charles Frost needed to talk to me so I had him come over and we soaked in the hot tub in the late afternoon. We talked about the road the Center seems determined to travel and how we don’t need the center’s permission to start groups on our own that meet our needs. Seniors can create their own groups. I know how to start a 501 3c nonprofit.

I threw out names for a new organization like “Golden Gays,” “Classic Gays” but I think he’s got “Gay and Gray” stuck in his head which I don’t think is positive enough.

We talked about revising the Gay Community Council perhaps as a forum.. I asked for him to set up a meeting between Jerry Buie, Michael Sanders, him, and me to discuss what we can do. We also talked about this being Transgender Month and how they feel they are not being supported enough. I said that being Gay and Trans are two distinct issues beyond being sexual minorities.

Homosexuals are fighting for the right to love while Trans are fighting for rights as they change sex. That is not a Gay issue any more than it’s a straight issue. I fear for the young sissy boys who are going to have their dicks cut off before they are mature enough to realize that it was okay to just be a sissy boy as he transitions into a Gay man.

Anyway Charles stayed until about 5:30 and drank an entire bottle of wine but he said he was okay to drive. I’ve seen him worse.

Then after taking Coco home Ben Anderson and Mattias Lumaca dropped by. I told them that I had to go pick Levon Mirakyan up from the gym but when I got back we went out to dinner.

We first went to Chili’s which was packed with a 20 minute wait and since we wanted to visit more than eat we went to Village Inn. I hadn’t eaten there in years and forgot how good and solid their food is. I had a Reuben Sandwich and since the place was not crowded at all we felt no pressure to rush off.

Mattias got a job as a ski instructor at Alta and has done some voice over work too so he’s happy. Ben is still a mess. Doesn’t know where he wants to land and having dinner with him reminded me how demanding he is. He kept calling the waitress over for napkins, and for mayonnaise for this and that. Oh brother.

They want to become involved in my life again but I am not too keen on that since Ben takes up a big space where ever he is and I don’t mean his size. Well that was my eventful day.

The Pride Center has a serious flaw...it thinks an infusion of cash by wealthy donors will fix a problem without trying to earn the confidence of the community which can only be achieved by changing its leadership. If they save the building but lose the people what was gained?

John Netto, I am sure, did not have a clue at all of whom were in that room that were calling for a change in leadership. It's easy to dismiss people when you don't know who they are. These were people who have given decades of service and leadership to this community... True leaders...if he won't listen to them who is he listening to? We need to stop asking and start demanding a change.

First step is to move the conversation from the Pride Center and create a new community council that has authority invested in it by accountability, democracy, and service. We ARE the community NOT the Pride Center.

Netto needs to instill confidence in his leadership and he can only do that by jettisoning Larabee with an interim director and let the capable staff at the center do their jobs with guidance not with autocratic control.

The director of the center is the public face of the community not a CEO...He/she should be respected and also build relationships; not isolate into their own little fiefdom as under siege. We are capable adults who have struggled with bigotry, oppression, AIDS, and a myriad of other slings and arrows. We don't need to be directed like we aren't capable of knowing our own destiny.

I think John Netto does not comprehend the feeling of betrayal we feel of Larabee turning the community center into a cash machine for programs we have no connection to or say in. No matter how good certain people’s intentions might have been, we never needed a benevolent plutarchy telling us what is good for us.

 

9 November 2013 Saturday

Nothing better to listen to than Rocky Horror Show while cleaning house...”My feet I can’t' move my feet! My wheels! I can’t move my wheels! my socks! I can’t move my socks!” “Don't get hot and flustered Try a bit of mustard! You’re a Hot Dog lol.”

 I don't need to watch it I just sing along and shout out at the TV like a mad man...Made a huge crock pot full of split soup and it is yummy... Don't know where this day went between house cleaning, raking leaves, visiting with Bill Poore and grocery shopping it's time for bed after I finish my soup.

Bill Poore wrote: Are you going to the 5th Annual Gender Conference next Sat at the Pride Center? It is a must go from what the Center says. My only question is how much money is the Center actually spending on it? Where is the Youth Program, what are the numbers? They have used the Youth Program as a main source of raising money. How much of that money actually goes into a youth program. ? What are you doing? Can I come and visit for a few mins a little later?”

I wrote back, “Just clean up a little  doing laundry and fighting with Levon Mirakyan... sure come over... Come through the garage into the back if I don’t answer because I will be raking leaves. I do have to go grocery shopping if it’s not until later.”     

Bill Poore said, “well wait for me and I will go shopping with you. I would enjoy that.”

I sent him a copy of the Letter Jennifer Nuttall drafted about how unhappy the Trans are with the Center and Bill wrote: Wow:  Who organized this, who wrote it? I guess you were correct, they smell blood. Where is your name? I can’t see how John Netto can ignore this.”

I said, It was just sent to me to sign. I said they could use my name...Jennifer Nuttall sent it to Becky Moss and me... I can send you the contact info if you want to sign it.”

Bill Poore responded, “I appreciate that but feel I just don't have the involvement with her or the community to make what is written true to my experience. I think the people that have signed should do the job but do feel you for sure be on that list, as should Becky and Charles. This is what a coup looks like. I think Val should make a graceful exit on her own. I would want to leave on my terms, not to be forced out. I really have never understood politicians holding on when it is over. You are such a devil. I think I am going to keep you close to me as a friend. Love you mister.”

I said, “I am not just a fat loveable balding fag with a beard...I still have claws and fangs to protect my community.”

Bill Poore replied, “Please you are one of the most codependent individuals I have ever met.....Let’s talk Kyle Foote, Chuck Whyte, and everyone else that needs help. You really should put that slogan over the Statue of Liberty on your front door.  : "Give Me Your Tired...... I do know I would not want you against me, Valerie should have befriended and included you, I would have.”

I said, “Larabee lied to me. I don’t like people who lie to me and hurt people I love... She is an elitist autocrat... I Can't work with people like that.”

Bill Poore answered, “and I am just poor white trash faggot?” I replied, “You forgot old.” And Bill said, “well there is that....”

 

10 November 2013 Sunday

I went to the gym today and walked for about ½ hour on the tread mill. I Did my good deed for the day when I went to the car wash and this old guy (older than me) said he accidentally locked his keys in his car so I gave him a ride home to fetch another set of keys...he was so worried his wife was going to give him heck lol,

Back at the car wash he insisted I take 2 dollars to pay for my car wash so I got a free car wash...there were lots of people there, but I guess I have the face that says I'll help if I can...

Each day I'll do a Golden Deed my Grandpa Johnson would often sing getting ready for church... I think about that often... He was a good old west Texas farmer.

 

 Sometimes I just shake my head and find it so incredibly sad... the mistrust this community in SLC has for one another ... questioning motives fearful to say anything that they might have to own up to... We've gotten so big no one knows anyone anymore... I am too old for it now... I miss the days we talked face to face...

Use to be Ben Williams was a name trusted and full of integrity but no one knows that name any more but those who fought the good fight too still do... It's a different world...better to retreat to the past where it is Sweet and familiar.

I sent Charles the letter that Jennifer Nuttal had been asking people to sign.

He wrote: “My, my, my. Remember those chickens I posted a week or so ago? Well here are some more that have come home to roost. This is getting bigger and bigger. Has this been posted anywhere on Face Book? Are you going to go public with it? Has Bob or Michael A. seen this? I am in Vegas screening a show for EdTA. Home Sunday. I will try and call you in the morning. It is too late tonight. Wow. Thanks for sharing. Who sent it to you Ben?”

I answered, “Jennifer Nuttal is behind this push... this is what she wrote “As you are probably all aware the Pride Center has been under scrutiny for its financial practices that have led to its current woes. The problems with the UPC are much farther reaching than that and go back many years. I am sending this to you because each of you have experienced the problems first hand and can contribute to a well thought out and respectful call for change. I feel that it is time that we come together as community members/leaders/former staff and call for a collective vote of no confidence in the leadership of the UPC, following Sage’s lead. I would like to know if you would be willing to sign on to an open letter (attached). It would first be delivered to the leadership of the Center, and if they still choose not to act, it will go to the media. I do not in any way want this to be an attack on anyone, but an open recognition that the needs of the community cannot be met with the current leadership, both executive director and board, of the UPC. I feel the silence around the things we all know and have experienced has gone on too long, and that it is imperative to lend our voice for the good of the community at large. The letter is attached, and if you would like to sign on, I want to submit to the executive committee by Monday morning, so please let me know asap, and please forward to anyone else you think should be included in this. SAGE Utah Advisory Board gives vote of no confidence to Utah Pride”

I've asked to have my name on the letter as so has Alex Moya

This is the communication between Jesse Nix and I “FYI there is a petition signed by former staff members and community activists calling for Larrabee’s resignation...and no I didn't originate it. Jesse responded: I've heard about it. I'm trying to figure out the best way out of this situation.”

 

Charles asked: “So what does Nix mean best way out of this situation? Meaning Larabee going? Can u talk? I'm sitting in a damned airport and can talk live if you can. This should go to Geoff Diorian, Chad Anderson, John Johnson, Brianne Blanchard, Marina Gomberg (who Larabee blackmailed) telling her she'd ruin her life if she ever talked. Luci Malin, Lynda Lee, Carol Gnade, Fran Pruyn, many Reis Awardees, Xander Gordon, and many others.

I responded “Have no idea… It was kind of cryptic... keeping his cards close to his vest...typical lawyer Lol”

 

11 November 2013 Monday

The beginning of Parent Teacher Conference Week makes for long days.

Bill Poore asked “So who is this Little Lee C that you were bitch slapping on that big fight on the Pride page about the meetings. Oh please acknowledge that I got the tickets for Saturday  Matinee at 2:00. Fri and Sat nights were sold out....so I hope that is alright with you.?”

I responded: “Sounds great... Little Lee C is a social worker intern at the Center who thinks Valerie won’t give him a good recommendation if he doesn't lick her pussy. His name is Lee Castillo and is basically a good guy and instigated feeding the homeless youth with Chuck Whyte at the Center before they canceled it.”

 

12 November 2013 Tuesday

It was a long day to day…12 hours with parent conferences... And we had a student engagement class in the morning that was emotionally draining ... A teacher I worked with was so frustrated with how the legislators keep piling on teachers. We are exhausted... New core...new testing ...an unfair state grading system ... The first time ever I choked up and cried in a faculty meeting remarking on how hard and how dedicated these women are at this Title 1 school ... We feel beaten down...my principal started to cry too when I did... It's a sad state of affairs what Utah is doing to their teachers because they abhor public schools and want them privatized.. We are at the bottom of all 50 states what is spent per pupil ...$7 per pupil for the entire year and Utah has the highest rate of students to teacher in the nation... It was also a hard day and we learned a former colleague died of cancer this morning...

 

13 November 2013 Wednesday

Kind of a remarkable day because Hawaii just signed into law Marriage Equality.

This morning before going in to work Charles Frost and I had a long exchange about the Pride Center meeting tonight and whether Valerie Larabee would be fire.

Charles Frost wrote me: “Valerie isn't going to be gone sweetie. I can pretty much see the writing on the wall. They will keep her. Netto will run the show. The only four directors left (all straight women btw) were in a 3 hour meeting yesterday with Netto, Jepson, Ha, and Wharton and God only knows what that weak group contrived.

I also understand Netto is not leading the talking circle tonight, it will be our spineless Jepson, who will nod a lot, show concern on his face, shake his head, take notes, and then go back to a very power-hungry board and report. Only to be dismissed. Kent Frogley your favorite is conducting a "special meeting" with all the signers of that letter on Thursday night, separately. He will do the same and wishes all of them to give specific examples of what Larabee did. They are trying to placate the community. No natural leader is stepping up to lead the charge.

Troy provokes online and within conversations of the community but said he could not attend Wed. night's meeting. All too, too, interesting. I say--it is time for me to possibly just step away and stop throwing my fake pearls before real swine. All of them.

 I don't see any huge shift or change going to happen, with the current tone, mood, and heels dug in. Allen Miller has been posting something (not his letter) on certain obscure sites like Nude Gay Men and Gay Fathers, but not posting it himself and standing behind his words which are true.

He called me last night, having been out of town, and wanted me to take an hour of my evening to "catch him up." I told him the essence and told him to read the QSL articles and then to take a stand. We'll see if he releases his full letter to QSL and what they do with it. He is just one voice at this point, albeit a recent board member voice.

 One voice makes very little difference at this point. Netto cannot, does not listen. He diffuses and puts out fires. He thinks, acts, and speaks like a CEO, and Queer people, especially these Trannies are all drinking his Kool Aid.

I am going to intentionally step back and watch. I need to focus on me, my career, my relationship, my next step, and my happiness, and this community can literally exhaust one.

What it all boils down to in my humble opinion--is THEY want a REAL leader with some leadership skills to lead the charge. They followed Jacob Whipple my God, they followed Eric Ethington, they followed Troy Williams, but no real change ever came of those efforts.

 

I am not willing to try and step forth and rally the crazy, fragmented Utah Queers at this time. IF they do nothing, then they will continue to get nothing, and I guess that may be where all of this is headed.

I am now thoroughly and without a doubt convinced that Larabee's letting me go was very personal. She had to have me as a strong voice out and gone, villainized before her performance review would commence. She could not have what I could have articulate better than anyone on the record. If she survives, the loathing for her will only be increased, and the funding will only be more tightened.

How are you today? Surviving Parent-Teacher conferences? Fill me in. I may go tonight because I promised Jerry I would, but if it is a cluster fuckery like it was last week, I will walk out in disgust.

I responded: I am better today. Yesterday was very emotional... The only ones that can make a difference at the Center are the “Olympian Gays” and they are curiously silent...

If the Trannys get a hold of the center then the crazies have truly taken over the asylum... They seem angry at the rest of the alphabet. However that being said I think a men's group and or a SAGE like group is still necessary so there is still a voice for Gay men in this very fragmented community...

Maybe Larabee like Saddam Hussein was the only one keeping people in check from killing each other... I know this not the time but I’d like to reach out to Meagan and let her know she has my support...

Charles replied, “Interesting analogy. Do reach out to Megan, I would like to see if she bites. She must be swirling right now with all that is happening so fast, and her future is in peril or victory. I am sure she is the only person who told the truth yesterday in that 3 hour meeting. She is the only one with enough back bone to do so.”

I wrote: Sounds like the center is imploding and that is too bad that they can't put the interests of the community over Valerie’s but who on the board has balls to speak out?”

Charles Frost:  “We shall see. We shall see. I think her time is limited; I don't think she'll go soon. I think the board is protecting themselves and placating the community and its various factions.”

“I was thinking the other day why can't the Pride Festival be moved to the Fairgrounds with all that infrastructure in place and not having to pay diamond rental and staging and a bazillion pita potties... It's easily accessible by Traxx, tons of Parking. Close to the bars and not having to compete with the Lesbian Art a festival lol. I think the board can stall but they can't placate...,” I told Charles.

Charles Frost: I am hearing this morning that if major change is not made, then people are going to call for a complete boycott of The Pride Festival. Nothing like $$$ and losing people attending and paying with get their attention more. They would then be doomed. If Larabee is still head of this at that time, I predict people will avoid in mass.”

I wrote: That the Tranny “Center Letter Group” is talking in circles and can't agree on anything and wants it all to be a big secret... They are making a lot of noise for such a small part of this community May be it was from you but heard some were thinking of an alternate Pride Day?”

Charles responded, “Jerry Buie is mentioning that as well. A free event, free entertainers, free speeches, free community building. I think that could easily happen. Megan would have a total shit fit, if that were to even be discussed, but she cannot control the feelings of the community if they are ready to move in that direction.”

I agreed and said, “A straight woman should never be in control of our Pride.”

“Agreed,” said Charles. “Call when your school day is done. Shit is hitting the fan. Allen Miller's letter has been released to the media, and I do mean ALL the media. TV. newspapers, and QSL. Netto was called by KUTV and he said they were in Executive Session and would have a response later today.”

As that the kids went home early because of Parent Teacher’s conference I had some time to use my iPhone to follow Charles Frost and others on Face book.

I wrote: “Chickens coming home... Stupid trannies are waiting for Thursday to announce their position when they should have done it after Monday when there was no response from Netto and then they wouldn't look like just pile- on-ers and irrelevant.”

Charles: Well shit is hitting the fan, and I think QSL is going to go with the two letters (confidentially) I heard that from Henline.”

I then said, “Did you see what I posted about Nikki on Bad Boy?” and Charles said, “I did, and it's true. Her day in the hot sun is coming. Once Larabee is gone, it will then be time to expose the Boyer-domination of the Board.”

I then said, “You know I don't get her... She is supposed to be this business woman but she never ever knew this community... Never participated outside of the bars... Never attended community council ... Never helped with the formation of Utah Stonewall Center until she could be a board chair and then it was too late... I think she got caught up in the power and glory of the center although I will say that old broad was not above busing tables at the VIP tent.”

Then Charles broke the news to me. “I guess she's gone! Ale just called Janice Marcus and said Val is gone! Come get me for coffee and take me out of this asylum.”

I said, “I want to be at the meeting so bad... I might make it a little after 7.”

Charles: Two letters called for Larabee’s resignation as Utah Pride executive director. This is from ‘gaysaltlake.com’ Update: Valerie Larabee has resigned as executive director of the Utah Pride Center. Two letters damning Utah Pride Center Executive Director Valerie Larabee for her leadership style have been presented to the Center’s board of directors.”

I snarkily said, “The phony trans fuckers are all shedding Crocodile tears now on their site. ‘Oh how I wished this didn't happen… Oh I feel so sorry for Val and Laura Oh now we should have a board that represent the nonwhite non Cis community ...’ Why don't they lick her pussy while they are at it... Geez They've sure got their knives out to carve up the community with their gender queer agendas against Gay men. ... Is it too early to be singing Ding Dong the bitch is dead?” and Charles responded “I'm singing it. Trust me.”

I said, “Should we make this a Gay Holiday like Gay Bastille Day?” and Charles replied, “God I love your sense of humor and you. Yes!! Indeed.”

Charles responded to my comments about the Trans, “Yes let them roar and shake their sabers, they will eventually go back to devouring themselves. Although I do hope they have learned something from this. They feel they caused this. No credit to those who preceded them. No collective feeling that it was a community effort, just the Trannies.”

I wrote: The trannies are all congratulating each other but they’ll never listen to each other and absolutely no one has mentions that your firing was what rallied this community... If I was Madam Defarge more than Valerie's head would be rolling.”

Charles: They will my pretty. They will. She had to topple for the others to come into the spotlight of infamy. Nikki Boyer is next! She may want to hold off on that Past Board President Plaque!! Since her name will be in blazing red!!”

I said, “If I had my way Larabee would be stripped of the Kristen Ries Award she never earned.” And Charles wrote I feel the same. She should be run out of town on the westside rails.”

In the middle of this conversation Michael Aaron asked me, “Hey Ben. While we know Val has resigned, where did you find out?”  I responded, “On the Pride center Letter site that Jennifer Nuttall and much of the Trans community are talking to each other on.”

Michael Aaron then said, “Ah, the one they won't let me in on, lol I'm waiting for official announcement to hit send on the story. I've been promised a draft of the announcement but haven't seen it yet.”

I told Michael “They basically kicked me out, for saying I was keeping a record for my files... God all hell broke loose with them then saying it was a private conversation and I retorted said 50 people isn't a private conversation it's a conspiracy if kept secret. Lol.”

Michael Aaron: “heheh I saw that post.” I then asked, “You want it?” and Michael said, “I do.” I explained, “I just kept my mouth shut and kept on recording everything for my files... Fuck them it's history.” Michael Aaron said, “I need all the background info I can get. Lol.”

I said “I will see what I can do on my phone. Unfortunately, I am at school for parent conferences but this was what was on the Trans site:

“Petition for Change at the Utah Pride Center  As members of the LGBTQ community, we are deeply concerned about our community, its needs, and the lack of ability of the Utah Pride Center under its current leadership to meet those needs. To that end, we, the undersigned, call for a collective vote of no confidence in the leadership of the Utah Pride Center, specifically the Executive Director due to the following reasons:  

• There has been, across the board, disenfranchisement and devaluing of the various subgroups within the LGBTQ spectrum, with only those groups that have funding opportunities being valued.

• There has been a supreme lack of cultural responsiveness in the organization and the board, and no attempts to seriously and systemically address this lack.

• The Board also bears responsibility for its failure to manage the Executive Director, and its failure in responsibility of fiscal oversight of the organization.

• Lack of transparency is an issue for both the Executive Director and the Board. There is currently very little transparency in the Board of Directors, particularly the Executive Committee, and as an organization there is a lack of transparency to the community.

In order to restore the trust of the community in the Utah Pride Center we call for the resignation of Valerie Larabee and a review of the current Board to determine who among them is able to fulfill their board duties in a thorough and comprehensive manner, with the needs of the community at the forefront.

In new leadership we ask for transparency, cultural competency, inclusivity, affirming leadership and proven experience building community.

There must be an advisory committee made up of community organizers that clearly represent the diversity of our community that will have decision making powers in the hiring process for a new Executive Director.”

Then Michael Aaron wrote: They just announced. Story is live.”

I responded Ben Williams: “Okay they beat me but I have some nasty comments recorded by them Lol... Dayne Law, Connie Anast, Joni Weiss, and others can't wait to get their hands on the center lol.”

I was able to change a parent appointment so that I could be at the Pride Center by 6:30 for the 3rd Talking Circle. I just had to be there to hear and witness the mood now that Valerie Larabee had resigned.

There was a huge turnout at the Pride Center, huge maybe 100 people.... I was able to get done with my parent teacher conference early enough so I was only about ½ hour  late... I sat next to Garth Chamberlain and near Chuck Whyte...

A different format this time...not a circle...all the board was there as well as staff and Meagan Risbon who was excellent at moderating... Maybe there will be a change.

This is a  conversation with Bill Poore I had after coming home. He said, “I heard she (Larabee) was crying.” I laughed because he was referring to the time I was accused of making her cry and had responded, "So what, everybody cries."  Bill then said, “I wonder if we could now get the office the trans are using for SAGE?”

            I wrote back, “Are you kidding? You are not privy to all I am hearing ... The Trans will not be happy until the Center becomes like the LGBT Resource Center at the U that has become a Trans Resource Center.”

Bill Poore: “Are they fighting for more power? All the press coming out of the center about the Trans conference makes me want to puke. Tell me what they are trying to do?”

I responded, “The Trans and some Lesbians have pushed the second letter calling for Larabee’s ouster and they are demanding more "diversity" on the board to represent their issues.”

Bill Poore said, “Well it is time the gay men break away from the LGBTQQQQQ and start our own independent group. REAL DICKS ONLY GAYS.”

I responded, “Young gay men are brained wash to only see gender issues not sexual orientation.”

Bill Poore; “what???????   Gender issues is what I am sick of .” I said snarkily from my interaction with Trans: “They are vicious with a smile.”

Bill Poore: “Look I just went to the Pride Face Book page. It is nothing but trans news....where are the fucking boys? the lesbians? if John Netto does not see this, there will be another coup.”

I said, “Who will stand up to them? I called them out once for bashing white Gay males and they went for my throat.”

Bill Poore: “mark my words there is going to be a huge power grab....it always happens when Caesar is killed...” and I said, “Oh gosh yes I already know who the major players will be ... It will not be pretty ... It will make the French Revolution a stroll in the park.”

Bill Poore: “that is why I sometimes hate a change of command, sometimes what you end up with is worse than what you had.....who do you think the major players will be? I mean I promise you with Val out of that office, the Trans will just do what they want. I have followed politics for over 55 years, it can be smooth or really ugly .  We are going to need you and Charles watching things more now than before. I think the gays might end up with even less if we don't stand our ground now.”

I lamented, “We can't stand our ground... It has already shifted under us...”

 

14 November 2013 Thursday

Another night of Parent Teachers Conferences but they weren’t too bad and the one I was most worried about I think I won them over. All parents showed this year which is unusual.

I wrote to Charles Frost “Well what do you think of the talking circle? Dominique was a bully... Connie Agnast “oh I'm not going to read the whole thing” liar... Connell O’Donovan “look at me look at me I'm back!” Lol I thought Kent Frogley's face was going into convulsions listening to Connie go on and on and Dominique missed a great opportunity to not only say she was in the back of the bus but that we threw her under it too... Lol I guess no one addressed the fact that with Larabee gone they have the money to hire you back lol.”

Charles Frost responded, “No, no one said that because Megan Risbon made up all these dumb ass silencing rules at the beginning, and discussing Valerie Larabee was one of them. But her rules got pretty much ignored because people still talked about the fucking witch.

I hope you are celebrating this as much as I am, and many other gay men. WE have a lot to discuss and dish about. David Andreason was going to say exactly what you just wrote, but Megan would never give him the Mic.

Kent Frogley asked me to lunch, Debby Berdan asked me to lunch, Nikki Boyer asked me to lunch. My God! I have never been so fucking popular.

I smiled and said sure to each of them and trust ME each one of the Fuckers will have a lunch they will never soon forget!! I am gonna lay all of this at their feet as pathetic supporters of the tragic mess we currently have.

I don't have faith in Netto or their dumb ass plans. That staff can't execute because they have been terrorized for far too long. And one thing is for sure they all don't like the NETTO man show. 4 straight women on the management team at Utah Pride. Danielle Watters (straight and just got married to a man), Megan Risbon (straight), Yvonne Paul (Straight), Tina Heidorn (Straight). Not one fucking L, G, B, or T, on the Director/Management staff of an LGBT Center? How fucked up is THAT?? AND NETTO is straight too, so all straights running it show for we poor incapable queers.

And they allowed the cunt to fire the two gay men that served as any balance on the Mgmt. Team. God. The world is so fucked up here.

I am about to leave the Queer Community altogether and just let them fend for themselves. Connell O’Donovan was embarrassing, and his pronoun joke offensive. I stayed quiet to just be a presence and I think I did my job. I was so glad you made it. You must be completely exhausted. But Larabee is gone, and fireworks should be lighting the sky!”

I asked, “Where is the support for Valerie? Are they going to show up in mass like they did with your firing? I hope Larabee had the same fitful night that she gave everyone else...  Well it isn't just me this time making her cry... I think I will get on board the Pride a Day committee just to make sure the Ries awards are handled properly...

I went up to the “cheer queer” person and said I was glad she spoke up because ALL our talent should come from this community not from outsiders... I truly think many, many Gay men are disgusted with the Main focus on the T's and I wouldn't show up at one on their events for all the t in China with their emotional blackmail of this community... What all of six in that room trying to convince us they are a force? Puleeze ... And Rocky's “me, me, me, I can teach everything about history I've done it all!” Do you now understand why I refuse to self-promote myself? It's so demeaning...deeds are better than words...and poor Garth Chamberlain who I sat with and knew him since he was 19... He is clinical depressed so it was a great effort for him to speak but I wanted people to know who he was and what he did so that dumb ass board could even be sitting up there... If SAGE is not viable then as strong capable homosexual men (dare I say the word homosexual?) we should be putting our efforts in an organization that feeds our souls.”

Charles Frost, “The Ts are feeling exuberant this morning. Brainstorming for Jesus about how they made huge strides and victories. I fear you are right. They are becoming "ME TOO" tyrants. I admire the fact that they can galvanize, however TIME is on everyone's side at this point. They will see how fast the board jumps in and really does the hard work for them. It won't happen.

4 straight women on the Mgmt. Staff, 1 straight man as the Interim Board Chair, (hoping to be re-elected and continue? It takes $$$, an lots of it to keep that huge building afloat, and it takes board commitment as to how to spend it to make anything happen.

The Board, with Nikki still sitting up are a huge part of the current mess. They need to own that, apologize, step down, and get fresh blood, all of which will come of financial capability to raise money.

That new building is going to continue to be a huge and giant money suck. Megan gave a lovely audition last night to be the next or Interim Executive Director. She was a little over-handed in my opinion.

 

Danielle, Yvonne, Tina--will lead us to the next level? I have worked with them, and the collective talent doesn't even make up one dynamic leader. Time, I go back to that, I am about letting go right now, SAGE Adv. Board  wants action from the Gov. Board. let them step up and fight for it.

Time is on my side, as months go by and SAGE events, communication and newsletters, offerings, programming begins to not appear, then perhaps both the SAGE Adv. Board as well as the SAGE Community will demand things be restored.

I cannot be one of today's big celebrants that things are going to be so much better, so amazing, so improved!! God, I have lived there the last two years, and the infection exists in many places beyond Larabee. She was the tyrant, she developed a hostile work environment, she was a terrorist leader, she is gone.

However the deep and dark issues still lurk, with $$$ being the biggest problem. SHOW ME THE $$$, where is it going to come from. I don't feel the community is going to now begin throwing large amounts of money at the place. I don't think the large donors are going to swoop in and save it.

Netto is an A-lister name dropper. The $25,000 he went on and on about last that Tami and Jane Marquardt gave was already there, given to do the extensive outsider performance evaluation of Larabee. She is now gone; they can redirect that money for other things.

The Festival looms, it is huge, it is also frail this year. And things will not change with that model--trust me. It will still cater to the VIP mentality, and talent and grand marshals, etc. will still be selected the very same way.

When I see real Truth, and real Serious changes then I would consider my time being given again on a volunteer basis. Other than that I am very hurt.

John Netto lied to me last night in a huge way. I was told before coming to the meeting that a Mgmt. Team member had indicated that Netto said "Charles Frost will never step foot into this building again."

When I went up to him after and politely confronted him with that statement, he waffled and danced like a clown. He told me well I did say that SAGE will never have an office in this building again, and when I said you are saying the biggest, most effective program and demographic cannot have an office in the UPC, and you are encouraging community cooperation? How do you justify that John Netto?

Then he blamed it on the Mgmt. Staff for having said that Charles cannot come back because they feel intimidated and threatened by him, Charles creates his own hostile work environment. I then thanked him, but before I left asked him since he had not been on the board for a full year, then he was ineligible to run for Board Chair on Dec. 2nd?

He hemmed and hawed and them said, well I was on the board before, so I think it's collective not concurrent months on the board to be eligible. I said I am pretty sure your bylaws say 1 year, so if it is collective then anyone who had served on the board previously from all of history for 1 year would be eligible to run for Board Chair? He wiggled out of that.

I went to Megan and to Danielle (the two I care about) and asked them if they said that, they both said NO and that Netto was the one who said it, not the Mgmt. Team. So there is another huge LIE.

            We are allowing the board to be promise-makers and liars. I predict a demise and further doom unless that changes in a huge way. They talk about forgiveness, healing, moving forward, and then obstruct that with their own behaviors.

Trust continues to be eroded for me at least. I am not buying the whole "brand new day" line the whole "we have changed bullshit." The intrinsic problems inside UPC have been built up over years and years and years, and they cannot be drastically uprooted just because the major player in the problem steps down.

            I smelled so much money speak last night, I felt so much the storm has passed for us speak, I heard so many promises (and we'll post them on the website, etc.) that I walked away very dejected and resigned.

Thanks for listening and reading this. I cannot share this with others, I cannot share this with Henline even, they all seem to be strategizing about being the Queer Dream Team right now.”

 I said, “I really feel that the trans will destroy it. They demand so much and put in so little resources.”

Charles agreed, “Yes they do. Their demands and loud voices are all full of US, OUR NEEDS, GIVE US, WE MATTER, etc. etc. etc. They may be feeling they are now heard, but time will tell.”

            I said, “I fear that we are really too big of an umbrella to be a true community...except politically which Equality Utah handles that... Dayne Law is pushing for so much inclusion of everyone and wants to dictate what words can be properly used... This new vocal group has no respect for those who built the foundation for those T groups to leech on to ... I am with you about 4 straight women running the center... I didn't know we were a women's resource center and the Trans are trying to push that sexual orientation is not relevant nor is the word Gay to be used except defined by Lesbians and Trans.”

Charles ended our conversation saying, “Yes, I fear that's where we are.”

Then Bill Poore wanted my take on the debacle and I wrote him, “It was a good meeting last night. I was able to attend some of it...  Some really cute boys there...Rocky O’Donovan was an embarrassment and the trans tried emotional blackmail to get people to attend their pity parties.”

Bill responded, “Cute boys?????? Did they say anything. What did Rocky do? Did the trans try a power ploy or were they just trying to get pity.”

I answered, “Both... Dominique Storni was looking for a fight. She was emotionally black mailing the community to attend their conference... Rocky stood up and said the pronouns he uses for himself are “cocksucker” and “butt pirate” and then went on to tell how he is willing to teach history classes at the center because he knows it all lol.”

Bill Poore commented, “I don't think the non-trans really give a shit about the conference...If they pretend they do it is simply to appear sympathetic when in fact don't really care. They are not homosexual and the Gays and the real lesbians don't identify with them at all. Rocky is a mess. I kind of see what he was doing with Cocksucker and Butt pirate however, he was making fun of all the different Trans terms.”

After that Bob Henline wrote me “-I waited a bit to give my impression of last night's meeting at Utah Pride Center because I wanted to sort through my thoughts and emotions before just throwing stuff out there, so I slept on it and here goes: 1. I was encouraged to see so many members of the staff not only present, but actively participating in the meeting - especially Megan Risbon, who did a stellar job of moderating and keeping things on track. It seems of late that the staff had been relegated to the background. 2. It seems the interim board president, John Netto, may have learned a few things from the previous meetings. There was a lot more listening and a lot less talking from him at this meeting. 3. This community is absolutely packed with passionate, dedicated people who are all willing to jump in and help. Rev. Connie A. Anast, Dominique Storni, Joni Weiss, Ben Williams, Jerry Buie, and many others I have yet to have the pleasure of getting to know. 4. There are still a number of divisive issues and (dare I say) cliques within the community, rifts that need to be healed, if we are to move forward as a vibrant and powerful community.

            Reporting on the problems within the Center over the past few weeks has been painful because the problems were, and still are, very real and the Center is and always will be a VITAL component of this community. The truth, however, is the key to understanding the problems, fixing them, and implementing changes to ensure that they aren't repeated.

I am encouraged by what I saw and heard last night but remain optimistically skeptical. Let's all hope that the walk matches the talk as we move forward.”

 

15 November 2013 Friday

Rainy day today but I brought a little sunshine into my home today by adopting a stray schnauzer from the Salt Lake County animal shelter. A couple of days ago I was looking through pictures of dogs available for adoption and saw that they had a miniature schnauzer that had been brought in on the 4th of this month.

Both the Humane Society and Salt Lake County shelter posts pictures of all their dogs... I just was looking to see if they had any old dogs that needed a home and they just happened to have him... I am surprised he was not snapped up because he had been at the shelter since Nov 4... He was brought in as a stray...no history on him ...

I couldn’t believe that no one had taken him so I thought there must be something wrong with him. I kept checking on him and after a couple days and with him still showing up on the  web site, after school today I went to the shelter at 39th South and 5th east. It was an early out day and Liz cut us loose because of all the hours we spent late this week with parent teachers’ conferences.

At the shelter they informed me that the schnauzer was still available but had been transferred to a shelter at Sugar House so I drove over there and they said yes still available but he had just been taken out for a walk. I guess several people had looked at him the day before so I was just lucky he hadn't been adopted...

When he came back from his walk, he was the cutest friendliest little scruffy guy who just gave me kisses. I said I’d take him on the spot. The pound has a senior program if you are over 60 and the dog is 5 years or older they waive the adoption fees. But they said he was a neutered 3 year old stray. He was picked up and no one ever claimed him…There was a $75 adoption fee and he was mine. I bought him a new collar also to take him home with. I can tell he’s a full bred schnauzer. He is so sweet, doesn't bark and is a lap dog cuddlier and housebroken. He has funny bottom incisors...I call him old snagglepuss...

The shelter named him Clooney although no one actually knew his name so I decided to change it but was not sure to what. When I posted pictures of him on FB Bill Poore said he was a Lucky dog so I named him Lucky. Always hungry though... But plays with toys and chewies...

He is so well mannered and doesn’t bark like Buddy and Daisy. I don’t think Daisy cares one way or another about Lucky but Buddy is a little jealous so I have to keep reassuring him that he’s my big baby boy too.

Levon Mirakyan was rather surprised that I brought another dog home but I feel he’s going to complete the family…and also I am pretty sure he will be my last dog. If he lives 12 years I will be 75 years old. I don’t want a pet to outlast me.

Amazing how things can change on a dime. I have a new little companion I've named Lucky lying in bed with me. He has blended into the family like he's always been here. He's affectionate gives kisses, comes when you call...Buddy however needs plenty assurance that he's still my baby boy... It Wasn't something I planned... I wasn't looking for an addition but saw him yesterday online in the dog shelter...was sure someone would have snatched him up but I guess he was meant to be part of the family.

I call him lucky but I am feeling pretty lucky. Bill Poore said “Lucky is a good name; I am happy you took it. He looks like a "Lucky. So where is Lucky going to sleep, has he figured out the doggie door yet? Do you know his history, why did his owner give him up?”

I answered, “The doggie door is kind of a puzzle for him but he'll learn it... He is not a barker... He was picked up as a stray nothing is known they think he's about 3 years old they say.”

Bill Poore wrote: “I am proud of you for giving him a home. If I had a house and was not so old I would probably take another cat but I do not want any pet I have living longer than me and have to have a new home. Stanley and Blanche have had long good lives. They are driving me crazy with some of their behavior. I just hope they die before I do. If I do die I want them both put down.”

  How did we get to this point that there's no Gay men's voices at our Community Center? It was a trend that I saw coming by recording our history but it's a sad day when the last Gay man was dismissed...and now all straight or people identified as straight are in management positions... It's like if all Christians were in charge of the Jewish Community Center... Strange...

Charles Frost said that Alessandro Galvani, the last remaining Gay staff member resigned from the bullying that John Netto was doing to him. He wrote “ He was the very last of the Full Time gay men at UPC. Gay men have for many a year now been an endangered species. Management team is now 4 straight women, and 1 straight man. Of an LGBT center? Really? Not one L, G, B, or T, in management. What's wrong with this picture people?!”

Then of course Joni Weiss tried to hijack the conversation and make it all about bisexual phobia…

Michael Aaron asked if I knew Mat Uhl because he says he helped Doug Wortham write the first bylaws of the first Center and says he owned a bar in Salt Lake for 8 years, donating more to the Center than he made in salary. I can't place him at all.”

I responded, “He is Looney tunes and dangerous stay far away from him. He is delusional... He really did some crazy things to Connell O’Donovan posting crap on Craig's list with Connell’s phone number... Stay far away from him...”

Michael Aaron said, “He's trying to make public a call for the resignation of all on the board, but he came across as nuts, and I don't want to put it out because of that. What bar did he own?”

I said none and Michael replied, “That's what I was wondering. I googled his name and found something about him having OCD and other mental issues. Thanks for the info.”

Bill Poore wrote to remind me of the show we are going to tomorrow. He said the entire run is sold out. Ben Edgar Williams

 

16 November 2013 Saturday

I went with Bill Poore to see a production of Avenue Q at the Babcock Theater at the U of U. It was a sold out performance and it was really entertaining. I saw John Wilkes there also but not anyone else I knew.

After the show we went to Village Inn. I hadn’t eaten there in ages but since going there with Ben and Mattias, I wanted another Reuben Sandwich.

I wrote Stephen Bolinder, “I adopted a 16 lb. schnauzer lover from the shelter...will you be able to squeeze 4 dogs in on a day or should I make a separate appointment? Does $140  sound fair for the four now? He's a sweetie.” He responded, “Ben I don't think it would matter. Just as long as I know that I have enough time. Congrats on the new baby. I cannot wait to meet him.”

 

17 November 2013 Sunday

I had to kick John Wilkes off the Great Basin bad Boy site because he was posting some pretty graphic porno and our statement is pretty explicit about that.

Matthew J. Lyon wrote: “Thank you for saying something in Great Basin Bad Boys ... it’s been pretty smutty (post-pedophilic jack off crap) with Wilkes and Sanders incessant postings. I recently thought about quietly leaving the group. Thank you for suggesting a standard and wanting better.”

Charles SAID, “We've felt it for a while. Some may be leaving the group soon.”

I said I am no prude but the site was created to share ideas not to post erotica.

I wrote Michael Aaron; “two things 1st did you get my column I sent last night? 2nd have you read Mat Ulh's vicious attack on Jerry Rapier on Jerry's site...I am not FB friends with Jerry but Charles told me about it and it is absolutely vicious... You might want to read it and then contact Jerry to and tell him what you know about Mat and to not feed the flames...he is dangerous and thrives on confrontation...

He even filed a police report saying that Rocky O’Donovan had sexual assaulted him by throwing cum on him...He's attacked the Sisterhood too...he's attacked the Faeries...he thinks he’s a black witch when he is a very unstable mental case... Block him and don't acknowledge him... He's very toxic.”

Michael Aaron wrote back, “I did get the column and it is in the system. Thanks! I have blocked Uhl already, so I doubt I will be able to see what he said on Jerry's wall. Ooh - maybe I can with my alter-ego account. I use the account to see how non-friends see my wall, and to find out if UMeN members are perving on younger members. Wow. He's worse than Picardi! I warned Jerry. Thanks!”

I responded, “Jerry doesn't know me so that is why I wanted you to contact him to just block and ignore... There are crazies in this community and there are Bonkers crazy. This is what he wrote to me: 2 September Mat Uhl 12:35 Mat Uhl Calling the school district and reporting you as a threat to children, and gunna take you by the throat till you shut the fuk up on your lies about any connection to the rad fae community...stealing the name is sleezy. so are you glad to YOU ARE NOT A RADICAL FAERIE you’re a sacred faerie--do your own thing but do not bastardize my community? Again another Utah Buttfuck--losers lying to get something. I’ve renewed my attack on you and Connell and its personal and gunna cost you. Fed up with you fuks. I should have known you were a back biting bitter old cunt queen. to hell you will go---I am paving your path there.”

 Mat Uhl right after spewed “Uhl Harry hay founded the Radical Faeries using consensus--you blocked it cause you’re a lonely fuck grasping at power...and know nothing of the traditions and way it is done. You and Connell are bitter old fuks who think your gay history is valuable--it’s just your way of healing your fuking wounds your refuse to heal. Get ready for three months I have planned your demise--and a personal attack that will destroy your life. You cunt of a man.”

Michael Aaron said, “Holy hell. Did you file a police report?”

I said, “actually I didn't see this until today LOL it was in my other message folder... I sent it to Face book as a report of abuse... So if I am murdered you know who did it. LOL.”

Michael Aaron said: “I'm wondering about, once I get this issue to bed, putting out a call to people who have been threatened by him and approaching the authorities that way.”

I said, “He asked to “friend” Charles Frost today...I said "Run" LOL. I hear he’s been harassing Darcy Jepson too.”

I wrote Kyle today. “Dear Kyle, I hope you are well and your work and schooling is keeping you busy and occupied. So much has happened here since I last came to visit you. I know in prison it must feel like time stands still but it is always changing out here.

Friday the 15th I adopted another little Schnauzer I found at the Sugar House shelter. He’s about 3 years old, was a stray, and is the sweetest little guy. He’s about the same size as Smokey was and same coloring but such a different temperament. He’s full of kisses, he a cuddler, and fits right in although I have to keep assuring Buddy that he’s still my big baby boy. He is pretty jealous right now but you know Buddy he’s a sweet temperament too just kind of growls if he thinks I am giving the new pup too much attention.

I named him Lucky. Whenever I see him and Buddy together I think I am seeing Smokey’s ghost… So now I have two old dogs 8 years old in March and two young dogs Coco and Lucky who are about the same size and age. Of Course Coco goes home at night still with Michael.

Levon is still here. He still hasn’t been granted asylum yet nor has he gotten his work permit so he’s still totally dependent on me for support. He’s a good kid, but his Armenian culture is so difficult. Very argumentative. It will be a glad lonesome when he does move out, but you know me I cannot put him in the streets if God placed him in my path. But he cannot compare with you in being a companion.

Well now for the real news I suppose. Valerie Larabee was deposed as Director of Pride Center and the community is in kind of a free fall as different elements within the Gay community are jockeying for position.

Last month it came to light that there was a $300,000 imbalance on the books at the Pride Center blamed on an accounting error where moneys were counted twice. Larabee used the deficit to fire Charles Frost and Joe Gonzales from their positions at the Center. She did it without consulting neither the board nor the community. That was on October 28th.

By October 30th, the community was calling for her head. The Board, to protect Valerie, did a switch and Nikki Boyer stepped down as Board President so this straight man named John Netto could assume control of the center and protect Valerie. He and his wife had actually performed the marriage of Valerie and her girlfriend last summer at his home!

John Netto was a millionaire business man whose own business went bankrupt laying off hundreds last year so immediately there was a trust issue.

At the October 30th Meeting, members of SAGE, the program that Charles oversaw,  demanded answers why the most successful program at the center’s director was fired when all the straight women and lesbians’ positions were saved. The only people fired from the Center were older Gay men.

Netto had no idea what a shit storm he stepped into. He was adamant that the Board would not ask for Valerie’s resignation. About 60 people from all spectrums of the community were there. Valerie had a few of her supporters but the mood was ugly and we were not going to be appeased. Like someone said, “You don’t piss off the Seniors.”

 Of course Charles was devastated and while the community was rallying around him even raising $300 on the spot for him, he was too hurt to attend.

            The Board was called worthless and culpable for letting the Center get into such straits. Valerie agreed to a 30 percent pay cut but she had been making $96,000 a year. Nikki Boyer had been approving a 5 percent increase in Valerie’s salary over a six year period while everyone else had been struggling.

John Netto said the Center was going to change be more transparent more accountable to the community but no one was buying it with Valerie still propped up.

At the next meeting on the 6th of November the SAGE board read a letter calling for Valerie’s resignation or SAGE would separate from the Center and form its own program.

Charles attended this meeting and had a blow out with Netto saying we didn’t need a privilege elitist white straight man telling us what we should be doing. Dabakis sat with me at this meeting and told Netto that I was the community’s historian and should be listening to me.

Valerie did not show up at this second meeting and about 70 people were there even though it was called at the last minute with very little notice. Netto again dug in his heels and refused to terminate Larabee saying it would not serve the community well and that many people supported her.. I asked “where are they? Are they all sitting in the empty seats behind you?”...

Well another meeting was scheduled for the following week. In the meantime I was privy to a Lesbian and Tranny Community message board fired up to get rid of Valerie. Old grudges and scores were to be settled against Larabee’s autocratic nearly tyrannical control over the Center.

They wrote a letter condemning Larabee’s leadership citing example of abuse of past staff members of the Center…It was a formidable letter and they were riding on the momentum that Charles Frost’s firing had generated. They had nearly 50 prominent community members sign the letter stating that if the board did not immediately terminate Larabee, they would go public with the letter about her misdeeds.

Almost at the same time Allen Miller, who was a former board member who resigned in September after Valerie refused an internal audit, wrote Netto that he was going public with his letter too.

The Trans community immediately co-opted the momentum and made it all about Trannys… even bashing the Gay male community… They want to dominate the message that Pride is about sexual gender identity not homosexual sexual orientation… it was really getting crazy.

Finally last Monday on the 11th the Board held an emergency board meeting to deal with the PR disaster that the two letters would be if released to the media. On the 13th Larabee finally resigned. She was beaten and knew she did not have the support of the board whose reputation was already tarnished for propping her up for so long.

At that night’s meeting the board promised the community the moon… more transparency, more community involvement, more concern for the voice of the community.

Although the trans there nearly hijacked the meeting and made it almost entirely about them. Dominique Storni was there emotionally blackmailing the community to attend the Trans conference this weekend.

No one addressed the issue that all that remained of staffing were straight women and the President of the Board who is a straight man! There is not one Gay or Lesbian person in charge of the center anymore and the Trannys are trying to make it an issue that sexual orientation doesn’t matter just gender identity…

Gay men were accused of using the word Gay to “erase” the other letters of the Alphabet which now they want included P for polysexual and A for A Sexual… it’s become a mad house. The movement that began as fighting for the right to legally love the person of our choice is now just about getting to use whatever bathroom you want and using the pronouns “them and they and their” instead of he or she because that supports  “binary” privilege.

So don’t be surprised when you return to the community that Trans Issues dominate and that leaders are Trannys and that Gay men are relegated as relicts of an oppressive period. It’s madness. It’s certainly not Gay anymore.

So I adopted a sweet little boy dog and decided I am done with the TBLG community and I suppose they are done with me. I wonder how many young sissy boys will be brainwashed to cutting their dicks off or getting breast enhancements before they grow up and discover the joys of being a mature Gay man…

I have been reading lately about a movement of Gay men trying to have reverse reconstructive surgery but if they had been castrated nothing can be done about that… Sad.

Feel sad for the Gay men and women who have no gender identity issues but who just want to be able to love the people of their own gender that fulfills them. Oh well I am off my soap box… I will be extinct in 10 years and young people can be as unisex as they want.

 

I still say give me a homosexual who knows how to love in an homosemotional way…Give me a man who is glad to be Gay.

So Valerie’s reign of terror is over… and Charles and I are both resigning from the community for a while to regroup.

 

Love Always Ben

 

18 November 2013 Monday

 

19 November 2013 Tuesday

 

20  November 2013 Wednesday

 

21 November 2013 Thursday

Where were you when Kennedy was shot? I was 12 years old sitting in my 7th grade science class taught by Miss Pond an old maid school teacher who looked like Edith Bunker... The intercom came on the news was played into the classroom...kids started crying...It was right before lunch period and Danny Battreall, my 8th grade neighbor, and I ditched school and walked home...it seemed crazy to be at school... All the adults were dazed as in shock... This was in Garden Grove California ... The world went topsy turvy...

Bill Poore wrote: It was a defining moment for my generation. It was the first tragedy and loss I experienced as a young man. I was in the 9th grade at East Carbon High School just going into the lunch room for lunch when they announced his death. I think we all were in shock, for me it was like being hit with a bat. I tried to make small talk but was having a difficult time keeping it together. Within a few minutes they told us that we could all go home.

I remember standing in my front yard and just crying. From Friday until they buried him our family just set in front of the television watching every event as it happened. I started my involvement in politics the night he was nominated for president at the Democratic convention, I was in the 6th grade and debated for him. My life truly changed with his death. We were no longer in Kansas.”

Deb Rosenberg wrote: “I was 3 months from being born.”

Jon Schild said, “I was in college (Idaho State) and working at the library there. We closed early and stayed closed for the weekend.”

Connell O'Donovan added, “ I was only three but we lived in Mineral Wells, Texas, about 80 miles due west of Dallas. I remember the hubbub and vaguely Walter Cronkites emotional reporting.”

Ron Johnson said, “I was a senior at Granite High School. I was in class when the news broke about the shooting. Ironically, I was in my hand lettering art class. Little did I know that class would launch me into a 35 year career in sign production. The teacher had just informed me that she was graduating me out of her lettering class because I'd completed all the requirement several months early. She transferred me to the Commercial Arts class and a spot on the Yearbook committee. My joy at hearing that good news was instantly obliterated when I heard the news of the Kennedy assassination. Everyone was in shock and disbelief.”

Chuck Whyte said, “I had just turned 6 and was in the 1st grade, We were living in Dugway, when the assassination of President John F. Kennedy was announced the Army base was placed on Emergency lock down and we were all sent home and ordered to stay inside our homes. At the time they had no idea who was involved with the assassination..........”

Marty Pollock wrote: “I was 10 years old and in my 5th grade class and a classmate came running into the room and told our teacher that the President had been shot. Miss Brown had to rush out of the room to confirm and came back in with tears streaming down her face and told the entire class that school was suspended for the day in honor of JFK and we were sent home. I remember walking home in disbelief and there was such a quietness in the air. I started to cry and it seemed like it took forever to walk home that horrible day. What an amazing President. I remember it like it was yesterday.”

Maureen Aisling Duffy-Boose said, “I was a junior at Judge Memorial High School, and it was Friday, so we had just finished weekly Mass. Father O'Neill, the principal, walked down the aisle to the front of the auditorium, and he was crying. I had never before seen a grown man cry. When he announced that the President was dead, we all burst out in shocked exclamations or tears or whatever kids do at a defining moment like that. It was chaos. Our parents were notified to come and get those of us who didn't drive or take a bus to school--the whole place was empty in 30 minutes. We felt personally bereaved--a Catholic community and the murder of the first Catholic President--we all believed it had something to do with his religion.”

James Clark “Was not even thought of”

Steph Williams “I was only 6, but I do remember the announcement in school and the coverage of the event. It was scary and horrific seeing him get hit and the fear expressed from Jackie Kennedy. How frightening for her it must of been. I remember the emotional Walter Conkrite, the precession of his funeral and his small children. Such a sad time.”

Melissa Sillitoe added, “I wasn't around, but I'm glad you posted this because it's been interesting to read the comments from people who were. My defining moment was when I was 16 and the space shuttle blew up. I was in Debate and our teacher, who was kind of a snarky dude usually, told us the news and was in tears.

 

22 November 2013 Friday

It was 50 years ago on a Friday that JFK was murdered in Dallas. I told my students that in 50 years you will be about my age and it will be the 100th Anniversary of JFK and you will tell your grandchildren you were taught by someone who was alive when JFK was shot.

It was a very cold day and the wind picked up but it wasn’t such a bad day for me but for Levon Mirakyan it was. He got a ticket for riding Traxx without a fare ticket however he said that he found a place to move to in the city. Not sure how to process that yet. Relief or sadness?

I am Worn down.. Feeling a little achy ... Really tired...hope I am not catching a bug... feeling Kind of. Blah... Probably the change in the weather...

I don't think younger generations understand what the death of JFK did to the psyche of the generation that experienced the assassination of the President... He was Camelot...he had babies in the White House... He connected with the youth ...he challenged us to walk 50 miles...he was the symbol of youth vitality and social change... The bullets that entered his brain also shattered our dreams and illusions of justice... We became a distrustful generation and rebelled against everything the establishment threw at us...We were a protest generation... For many a drop out generation when they killed Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy too... By them I mean hateful bigoted ignorant conservatives fearful of change... They are still with us today...

 

23 November 2013 Saturday

I made pancakes and sausage to share with the hounds for breakfast and Mike Romero brought Coco around as well because he’s doing some running around with Randy Gile. So I had all the hounds today.

            Then I told Levon Mirakyan that I would take him into the city this morning since I was going into a meeting today at the Center at 10. He wanted to go sell Kyle Foote’s old iPhone for some money. I guess he got about $50 for it and he was griping about that instead of being happy that he got any money at all.

Well I was about 15 minutes late to the meeting and I counted about 40 people in attendant. I spotted Rocky O’Donovan and I went and sat next to him even though it put me behind a pole. I suggested we move down a few seats but he said he was comfortable. Typical.

Anyway Jesse Nix lead the meeting and about 10-15 people actually spoke up. Much of the bitterness was being diffuse since there was not a target for the anger anymore…just kind of a residual anger towards the board for letting this happen in the first place.

Much of the meeting was about the process to select or have nominees for the board. My main comment after hearing people talk was two parts but mainly that it has to be determined what is the purpose of the center? Is it a service oriented non-profit or is it a community center where people just come to congregate and be with their own kind?

I also said that the center can’t be all thing to all people but we can be all things to all people … we can create the groups we need for our own issues… and we need a community council so we can all meet face to face.

One of two surprises was that Dave Robinson who was giving the board hell turned out to be the guy with whom Levon Mirakyan will be moving in with! What a strange coincidence…

Then Megan Risbon said that I had taught her daughter McKenna at Washington back in 2009…Wow! They had moved in the middle of the year but I remember McKenna…kind of.

So when Levon showed up at the Center he thought that I knew Dave Robinson and it was he who told me that he was going to be living with him downtown. So after taking Levon back to the house to pack, he wanted me to write him a reference which I did

“To whom it may concern, Levon Mirakyan has lived at my residence since June 21, 2013 for approximately five months. He was placed in my home through efforts of Jania Sommers of the Utah Pride Center and Brent Pace of the Utah Health and Human Rights Center. Levon is a young 23 year old gay Armenian man seeking asylum in this country with few resources available to him so I agreed to provide him with room and board until his case could be heard. Unfortunately, the process has extended longer than first suggested and Levon and I felt that he would be better served living in the city for transportation and employment opportunities; when his status allows him  to be able to work. You can contact me for references.”

  When he was ready, I drove him down town to his new place and he gave me a hug and that was that. So my house guest of five months has moved into the city which is really good for him. I live 7 miles from downtown but he's now just a few blocks from downtown. Transportation is better there, opportunities will be better for him, but now I am having empty nest syndrome... Grandma Johnson called it a glad lonesome... people come and go out of your lives for reasons but I have the Johnson gene and have to bawl when people leave.

Little mixed emotions... little melancholy funny how you get attached to people who were once complete strangers...I guess it’s true you love who you serve.

When I came back home to an empty house I was a bit melancholy. No more singing.

Bill Poore wrote: “Of course you will miss him, you were incredible to help him the way you did. He is from Armenia so his attitudes are very different than yours. I know he appreciated what you did for him. He just had a difficult time expressing any soft emotions. I liked him. I wish him well, now we need to find someone else for you to save.”

I responded, “Well I did rescue Lucky who is laying at my feet but he doesn't sing around the house like Levon did.” Bill Poore replied, “Maybe you can teach Lucky to hum.”

 

24 November 2013 Sunday

I Saw Christmas lights going up down town last night... I guess they can't wait until after Thanksgiving this year...

Funny how little things can make you miss someone, like going to the grocery store and not buying a bunch of bananas because you know there's no one to eat them but you... But it's all good.

            I don’t know if I am missing Levon as much as I miss someone being here to take care of.

I made Homemade Navy bean soup and crusty bread for dinner tonight... Simple fare for a simple man this dark November evening.

I have a warm roof over my head... Buddy and Daisy are at my feet and Lucky across my Belly... It's a 3 dog night...happy am I.

I put out a call on FB for anyone who still needs a place to go for Thanksgiving.

Craig Hunter wrote: Ben, sounds like a wonderful evening. I remember those invitations you use to offer to all your friends, long ago. What an awesome cook you were and you just pilled the table to over flowing with wonderful goodies. I'm glad to see you haven't changed. Bless you!”

 

25  November 2013 Monday

I Spent much of the day getting ready for a sub because I am taking off tomorrow. It was a pretty day just cool. I guess Levon Mirakyan is getting along okay. He’s still looking for a job and helped some guy move mattresses yesterday.

He said Dave Robinson is a nice guy trying to help as much as he can. He hasn’t heard from Brent Pace yet about paying for his apartment… so life goes on.

 I am still getting use to coming home to a quiet house without Levon. I will adjust in time.

 

26 November 2013 Tuesday

I took today off and it was very productive... I got myself all trimmed up at the barbers and also had the dogs groomed although I paid 10 times as much for the four of them to look pretty then I did on myself ...at least I don’t pay tuition lol.

Then I bought some gym pants at Deseret Industries. They really changed the store around and not much for the better. I also bought a little table for a lamp for only $5.

I also made a huge pie with 14 apples in it, and I drained, cleaned, and refilled the hot tub... I cleaned house, bought some groceries, and made up the corn bread dressing for the turkey.

Stephen Bolinder came over at 2 in the afternoon to groom all the dogs. There’s four of them now…I guess Lucky gave him some trouble. He didn’t like his legs being touched so he had to be muzzled but he sure looks like Smokey now.

Mike Romero came over to pick up Coco after her grooming and he too saw the amazing resemblance between Lucky and Smokey. Almost like Lucky is reincarnated but only a much sweeter personality.

Chevy didn’t get done until 6 p.m. and I paid him $150 for doing all four dogs.

Well after everyone was fed I took the apple pie I made for Doug Lott over to Charles Frost with some bean soup. We sat and visited until Doug came home from work. We talked about the need of a Gay Men’s Group in this community. So that was my first day off. The weather strangely mild for late November.

 

27 November 2013 Wednesday

Okay this morning I finished cleaning the kitchen and to my horror while going through the food pantry, I’ve realized I crossed over to being a food hoarder...do I really need three cans of sweeten condensed milk, five cans of evaporated milk, two cans of water chestnuts? 5 bags of frozen peas and carrots? I could go three months just buying eggs, milk, cheese, and bread! I still think I am feeding a bunch because I am not eating it... I need an intervention or a shopping Buddy.

Charles Frost and I met Dave Robinson at Su Casa for lunch to talk about Levon Mirakyan. I needed to know his situation for my sake I suppose. It turned out that Brent Pace had not placed Levon with Dave but they had met on their own at the Pride Center. Robinson is some type of entrepreneur and I suppose is a businessman with lots of connections. He has taken in strays before and I guess Levon is mainly couch surfing there for free.

He said that Levon has met a woman from India that is a graphic designer so they have been visiting a lot and Dave got him a job on a construction site and he made $100 yesterday so perhaps things will work out for him now. I feel better now that I know that Levon has someone else looking after him a little bit.

Dave is a very handsome 40 year old. He doesn’t do social media however and in fact he doesn’t own a television or has Wi-Fi at his place so Levon can’t be staying up all night on the internet and sleeping all day. That will be good for him.

Charles came over about 4 p.m. to sit and hot tub for about an hour and a half. He brought over a bottle of sweet red wine and we had a relaxing time talking about how things are changing.

Menu for Thanksgiving tomorrow: Butter baked Turkey breast and corn bread Dressing, Turkey Gravy and Mashed potatoes. Festive Corn with red and green peppers, Candied Pecan Yams, dinner, Rolls, creamed cheese Celery sticks, black olives, cranberry sauce, and homemade pumpkin pie with cool whip.

 

28 November 2013 Thursday Thanksgiving Day

I cleaned the house some this morning for company came at 3 p.m. Bill Poore came first, but Rocky O’Donovan was right behind him so we ate dinner almost immediately as everything was ready. They loved the turkey and said it was really moist. I am not a big turkey fan so I will take their word for it.

Everything was tasty and after eating we moved into the front room to visit. Conversation went from casual sex we had in the 1970’s and 80’s to talk of Quintin Crisp who Bill knew in New York. It was a nice visit.

It was not a whole lot of work to throw a dinner together and I expect that they appreciated it.

They left about 5:30 and I sent food home with both of them and while I was settling in, Ben Anderson and Mattia Lumaca dropped over. I was a little surprised because I thought they were going to come over for dinner but instead just came over to visit.

Ben looked really tired but Mattias seemed happy with his new job as a ski instructor. Sounds like they are going to settle down in Utah after all but I said if you do you better just quit whining about Mormons and get over it or they will never be happy here.

They stayed until about 8 p.m. and it was good to see them after all we have been through. So another Thanksgiving over.

There’s nothing like the company of Gay men to satisfy The Gay Soul... I guess it’s because we “get” each other... And have shared experiences.

What I miss the most on this day is not the Turkey platter but the family chatter of Grandma Williams and my Aunts and mom in the kitchen making pies mashing potatoes and laughing and talking about family and life...I never was out with the uncles and boy cousins but always sitting the kitchen watching the women folk create magic... Cooking thanksgiving dinner now is my connection to them... My aunts... How I miss them.

 

29 November 2013 Friday

I Went down to Gunnison today to see Kyle Foote. It was a beautiful day once you got out of the valleys where there’s inversions. The trip is about two hours down, two hours there, and two hours back. I left about 10:30 this morning so I got there about 12:30 And it was about 12:45 when they brought him out.

He’s looking more and more mature, than the boyish kid I met over 3 years ago. We visited and caught up on all the going on with the Center and with Levon Mirakyan moving out and all. Really nothing major although we talked about his prospects when he gets out… we were both a little sad today and we both teared up a little.

I told him how he wasted his potential and it’s so sad to see that. I am not sure why I am still going down to see him. I guess you just can’t help who you love.

When I returned to the city it was damp and cold like a winter inversion. So I just ate some turkey left overs and watched a little television before catching up in this journal.

The dogs are good company.

 

30 November 2013 Saturday

I Went with Mike Romero out to Daybreak for a Thanksgiving Dinner with Kimberlee and Randy Gile. This was the first time I didn’t bring anything out but I knew they would have plenty of food and they did.

It was a small gathering this year with just some of their friends and non-relatives. We looked at some of the million dollar homes out there and realized how happy I am with my little home.

It turned really cold today this end of November. We came home about 6:00 and this long weekend has exhausted me so I went to bed early. Is 730 too early to go to bed on a Saturday Night?

I did work two hours in the yard this morning getting it ready for the snow that is coming and putting up some Xmas lights... The hounds are all sleeping at the foot of the bed, Daisy, Buddy, and Lucky my family.

 

 

DECEMBER

1 December 2013 Sunday

I went shopping with Michael Romero for a lap top. At first I thought I might get a tablet like his but instead I got a 17-inch HP laptop with Windows 8. I am not at all excited about Window 8.

I took the desk computer from my bedroom and brought it out to hook up to the big television in the front room. My laptop was about $450. I hope I like it but I am a little wary of it because I can’t pull up my blogs on it and that is the main reason I bought it so I wouldn’t be tied to the desk top.

I took a break from my new laptop to go pick Chuck Whyte up from the airport and then spent the rest of the night trying to figure out Windows 8. For some dumb reason, the laptop doesn't pick up my blog “This day in Gay Utah History”...ugh...new technology I hate it...

Back to school tomorrow after a six-day break. I did get a lot done.

 

2 December 2013 Monday

When I came home, I found that Levon Mirakyan’s check from the apple store had come in so I took it over to him at a construction site he was working on, before heading off to the Queer Quorum at the Equality Utah building.

I took Dave Robinson from the construction site to his place so he could go to the Pride Centers’ Board Meeting where they were electing new officers and I went over to Charles Frost where we rode together to the Queer Quorum.

It was not what I expected at all. There were about 15 people there in a circle and I sat next to Todd Bennett and Charles Frost. I thought this was going to be a place to discuss issues of concern in the community but instead all Brandi Balken was doing was rolling out EU’s strategy for the 2014 push for a state wide anti-discrimination push.

 Actually all Equality Utah was there for was just to rally people and give marching orders but I wasn’t having much of it. They have doomed themselves because they are tying Transgenders into the discrimination bill with a clause about bathrooms and showering and I know Mormons are going to have none of that. They can barely tolerate Gays but they are not going to handle Trannys demanding unisex bathrooms. It made for a long tiring night and really not for much.

Brandi wants us to make a “push out” towards Republicans and that I cannot and will not do. But they are pretty up beat that they will get it through this year...

I then heard the Pride Center elected John Netto as president of the board...so nothing has changed there. Kent Frogley is vice president and Marva, Secretary.

 

3 December 2013 Tuesday

            Someday I will not have to shovel snow to go off to work but not today... I tried using the electric snow blower but the Snow is too wet and just plugs up the snow blower like a slushy... Oh well. The weather has changed on a dime. It’s at least 30 degrees colder than it was yesterday.

 

4 December 2013 Wednesday

 

There’s a cold snap that just has plunged the temperatures down to way below freezing. Like 9 degrees in the morning. It was a Three Dog Night for sure last night...Daisy radiates enough heat alone to keep us all snugly... They aren't moving too fast but I have an early faculty meeting to attend so I have to get my ass in gear ...

I Hate driving when it's dark and roads are frozen and overpasses are icy...

It was 9 degrees in Bountiful when I got there at 8 a.m. A pipe burst in the Kindergarten room flooding it so we were informed that there will be no heat turned on until it is fixed... Brrrr welcome to public education in Utah...

It was an indoor recess all day so I went nearly crazy with the kids all hyper and then at the end of the day the bulb blew in my overhead projector. Oh Great.

Any one leaving a pet outside during this cold snap should be horse whipped and the animal removed... I pity the poor cattle of the field suffering too...humans can make choices but I do feel sorry for those who made such poor choices that they found themselves without shelter last night... Seems to me that we have enough churches in this state that could provide shelter and food for the homeless during these cold spells but I guess the buildings are only for those who worship God.

 

5 December 2013 Thursday

Another freezing day and the kids were not allowed to go outside again. Bitter cold. Like 17 degrees. It was a pain in the ass not having a document camera or overhead projector today but made do with some old technology like an old screen transparency projector.

After work went to a Chinese place called Joy Luck for our faculty Christmas Party…it was the same place we went last year for our faculty dinner. It’s only $10 and they bring out a lot of food but they make about $250 off of us. I sat with Liz Beck at her table and Eric the custodian and I were the judges for the Ugly Sweater contest.

After eating we had the White Elephant gift exchange and I got a little plastic snowman that changes colors that is cute.

Nelson Mandela died today in South Africa. I believe he was 95 years old.

 

6 December 2013 Friday

We have been in a deep freeze for all week…The Kids can’t go out to play because it’s too cold. It was 4 degrees at school in Bountiful this morning.

I left school about 2:30 after the kids left because I am planning on going into work tomorrow but I hear that a really bad snow storm is in the works for the weekend so will see.

I had the kid’s do a paper mosaic Santa Claus for art and it turned out pretty good. Shirley Mayo fixed the bulb that burned out in my overhead thank goodness. It’s tough when all your technology is down because of a single light bulb.

At home I decorated a little tree, worked on my own technology, and found out that my Blogger site is not compatible with Windows 8 and that is what is on my HP laptop I bought!

Ugh so I unhooked the computer to the television and have it sitting on my kitchen table so I can at least blog.

Bob Henline was going at it pretty good with the Tranny Joni Weiss today on Face book. She was accusing him of being a bully.

The dogs are handling the cold pretty good but we sure like to snuggle at night together.

Only thing in the news is the death of Nelson Mandela and the cold weather.

I wrote on Great Basin Bad Boy this to see if there’s any interest in forming a new Gay men’s group. “It is apparent that established community organizations are resistant to change or have lost a connection to Gay Men... There are little programs for Gay men especially ages 35-45... 27 years ago a small group of Gay men came together to remedy the lack of unity and communication and began to build community... I propose it's time to start a new Community Council to address the concerns of Gay Men, to share what groups and organizations are available to Gay Men and to address the specific concerns of being a Gay man whether it's in relationships, health, or financial...

 Out of the little beginnings of 1986 grew the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah, a consistent Gay Pride Day, the Utah Stonewall Center, the Gay/straight Alliances, and more... If you are concerned about the modeling of Gay awareness among young Gay men, or those coming out in middle age...it is time to organize... It's time for a Gay Man's Community Council... It's time not to rely on others to be our voice...it's our fabulousness, our strengths, our sexuality, and our wisdom...”

 

7 December 2013 Saturday

It's official...I hate Windows 8, what a poorly design piece of crap...it is the most unfriendly operating system I have ever seen...everything is hidden that you need and has hundreds of crap stuff you never would need...whoever designed this should be fired...and worse of all it does not support Blogger which is how I have been posting to my FB history site...

So I am back to using my desk top because it has Windows 7 that does allow me to get into my blog sites...anyone know how to get Windows 8 off my lap top? It's been a frustrating week.

 

So much for getting up early and going into work... The school is supposed to be open the first Saturday of the month and I wanted to go in and get caught up and plan for the next two weeks but it was shut up tighter that a Republicans heart...oh well back home to ride out the snow storm that is coming... and to make some chicken soup.

In the afternoon I finally decided to take out the corner computer desk that I don’t want any more but can’t move nor take a part so I decided I would have to smash it to pieces. If I had a hammer I'd hammer in the morning...wait I do have a hammer a sledge hammer to be precise so I smashed up the old computer desk that Mike Romero had left here that was taking up too much room in my bedroom.

It was just too big to haul out and had those ridiculous screw bolts that I had no tool with which to take it apart... So feeling like John Henry, I hammered with lightning in my eyes... It only took about a half hour and threw the pieces over the balcony to haul on in the spring.

Then I spent the rest of the evening cleaning out the closets and chest of drawers. I did go out and bought a Christmas poinsettia and a light bulb for the silver Christmas tree I put up in the movie room. So it was a busy day.

Rocky O’Donovan wanted me to go up and see Chuck Copeland this weekend but I begged off because of this enormous storm that is coming.

The Pride Center Holiday Bazaar happened Chuck Whyte is at the Pride Center feeding the homeless youth. Charles Frost wanted me to ask Chuck how big their holiday Bazaar and festival of trees turned out. I told him that I hadn’t talked to Chuck yet but Bill Poore  went down there about noon and said just Trannys were there selling TEA shirts and hardly anyone else. He said there was not much on display.

Charles Frost then quipped, “Utah Trans* Center? It's certainly big enough for some of them, and the bathrooms are already retrofitted.”

I wrote Charles Frost “ I Wanted to go to school and work but when I got there the building was closed up even though it’s supposed to be open so fussing around the house cooking soup and typing when I should be cleaning house... Haven't heard a word from Levon Mirakyan in a week I guess he’s over Grandma Ben.”

Charles  wrote back, “He tends to focus on his immediate situation and surroundings, You know that about him. Obsesses with the current audience. I forgot to tell you about the very diverse opinions I heard regarding Dave Robinson from this last UPC Board Meeting. Even though Brent Marrott can be obnoxious I trust his take on people 100% over that of Jerry Buie's.

 

 

 

8 December 2013 Sunday

Not that I am complaining but what happened to the monster storm that was supposed to keep us inside all weekend? Here by the airport, just about 2 inches overnight... I had bought groceries stayed home and did projects around the house while the hounds lounged... but didn’t venture out.

It was a major project going through all the clothes, doing washing, and throwing out 3 trash cans full of crap. I was really sore and tired today but really proud of myself.

We are all warm and snugly with a clean bedroom clean sheets and ready for the chilly night...hope all are warm this night if not there's plenty of room.

Charles Frost wrote me and said, “I love and appreciate how you took Joni Weiss to task. She's so starved for attention. Bob handled her and her nonsense well too. Ignoring the T's is my new strategy. Making them feel invisible until they can fucking come to the conversation WITHOUT their passive-aggressive victimization, whining, devil's advocate, conversation manipulating methods and tactics.”

I said, “Connie Anast is still requesting to be my friend She never gave a rats all about me before lol. Probably wants to give me a piece of her mind.”

Charles responded, “Her post is so transparent. SHE wants to be the new Executive Director, and to comment that others are posturing and postulating because they seek the position is ridiculous and inane. She thinks she could run us ALL, given the chance. Deep down she is not Trans*, she is a lesbian.”

I said, “If she is married to a Transman person she is straight lol”

Charles responded, “She is married to a Trans man, who still has a pussy. What does that make her? I can never tell, with this whole Gender Queer label. She's told me she is Cis-Gender and likes female genitalia. Her husband makes a better-looking man that he ever would have done a woman. However--do they use strap-ons, just do upside down lickfest, finger to climax? Help me here. Cis-gender and likes female genitalia says Lesbian to me, Sexual Orientation wise.”

I replied, “I am already throwing up in my mouth a little just from your question lol? Did you see Connie's tag team response on Bobs page? They all have to have a say don't they ...”

Charles Frost added, “Connie has to stake her claim and be Queen of the Trannies, even though she is not a Tranny herself. Funny that. Between Joni wanting to be Grandmother to the Trans, and Connie wanting to be Queen of the Trans, and Dominfreaque being Trans Bitch, and Dayne being Boy Trans, who the fuck can figure them out?? They all want their time in the spotlight--YES. Problem is no one listens to them, including themselves.”

I said, “Well who can make sense of what they say when  they have invented a new language that we are supposed to translate? Cisgender, transgender, they, and them instead of she or he... Ridiculous... a “pussy man” and “prick woman” would make more sense to me lol Notice how Connie had to leap to Joni's defense even when she is wrong? She attacked me when I took umbrage with Joni attack on Gay men having "male privilege" in that thread of Jennifer Nuttall.”

Charles responded, “Reverend Connie McCunt Anast, weighed in heavily, as only she can do on your page under the Michael Aaron post. Lord--they just don't get it. I have got to simply stop supposing they will. It's a Trans Revolution!!”

 

9 December 2013 Monday

1 degree this morning in Bountiful so it's an indoor recess day. I made chili and corn bread for supper tonight...seemed right for the 15 degrees outside... What virgin do we need to sacrifice for the Sun God to bring back some warmth?

My cousin Terrie Williams wrote “I love homemade chili & cornbread....yum! Wish I lived close for a good home cooked meal. You know I grew up on that too....and they say our dad’s looked like twins.....miss my papa.”

I responded, “I still make Grandpa Williams chili but never as good as his but I think he used more suet because there was a half an inch grease on the top which made it yummy.”

 

10 December 2013 Tuesday

I think it's funny that the LDS Church's flagship university is named for an avowed racist by their own admission lol... Mormon blogs are all a twitter about the LDS Church saying that the church was never racist but the policy stemmed from Brigham Young’s racism.

I wonder if it will take 150 years for the Mormon Church to admit their policies on Gays are based also on prejudices of the time and on the beliefs of imperfect men... Will it erase their war on Gays for the past 50 years?

I finally got a confirmation from Jim Dabakis’ secretary about his 60th birthday party at the McCune Mansion on the 17th next week. I have a RSVP + 1 so I may take Bill Poore with me if he wants to go. I am not sure yet.

I also finally heard back from Levon Mirakyan through Dave Robinson about fixing my laptop by deleting Window 8 and putting 7 back on it. I heard from Rocky O’Donovan that  Chuck Copeland was taken off life support and is not expected to make it through the night. He wanted me to go up and see him but I didn’t feel right about it as I’m not family or a close friend.

These are a list 10 books that has stayed with me or has touched me in some way as asked by a Face book Post. 1. When God was a Woman 2. There's a Boy in the Girls Bathroom 3. The Stand 4. Stranger In a Strange Land 5. The Art of Loving- Eric Fromm 6. Homosexuality, Christianity, and Intolerance 7. Man 's Searching For Meaning- Viktor Frankl 8. In Cold Blood 9. 1846: Year of Decision 10. Love Poem of J Alfred Prufrock

 

11 December 2013 Wednesday

Connell O’Donovan posted that Chuck Copeland died this morning, losing his battle with pancreatitis ... I thought of this quote from Dr. Seuss "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened". I smile today because I got to know Chuck before his passing... How fortunate is that?

 It was a long cold day again and at home how I didn’t want to write my Lambda Lore Column but I did anyway and it was exhausting. After writing for nearly 10 years and much of that time bi- monthly, I think I about said all I have to say. It will be 10 years in April and I think I am already the longest continual Gay columnist in Utah... I guess that is part of my service to community...many of my articles are on the internet so they will be there after I am gone. I wrote about how we went from a Gay Community to a LGBTQ community over the last 45 years.

Talking to Charles Frost he told me some interesting tidbits. He went out to lunch with Jania Sommers the Pride Center’s counselor who is quitting and wanted Charles to write a letter of recommendation for her. She said that John Netto threw a Christmas Party last Monday at his house in Emigration Canyon for the Pride Center’s board and staff members although Megan Risbon didn’t go. Hmmm.

Anyway Netto sent a Hummer Limo to pick up staff members to make sure they attend and once there he went off on a tirade on Charles Frost and how disrespectful Charles was to him. Jania said it was very bizarre and at one point asked why was he telling them this?

After the party and on the way back into the city in the Hummer, a woman named Tina who had worked for Netto for several years tried to explain his behavior by saying that he is schizophrenic and when off his meds he goes on tirades!

So the chair of the Pride Center is a schizophrenic straight white man! Heaven preserve us.

 

12 December 2013 Thursday

The inversion is starting to build and while it is still very cold, the bitter cold has abated. Not much going on at school, just trying to keep the kids calm as we are approaching Winter Break and Christmas. Maybe that is why I am so tired and just want to go to bed.

I asked Bill Poore if he wanted to go to Jim Dabakis’ birthday party but he just hemmed and hawed so I said that he didn’t have to that I could ask Chuck Whyte. I didn’t tell him that Debbie Reynolds is going to be there.

Dave Robinson got a hold of me to say the Levon Mirakyan’s phone is broken and that I could get a hold of him through Dave and that Levon said he would dump Window 8 and reinstall Window 7 on my computer for me. I guess I will bring it over this weekend.

Bill’s cat of 18 years, Blanche died. I’ve offered to have her buried in my back yard if he doesn’t cremate her.

Bill Poore wrote me saying, “I will decide tomorrow but it does give me a lot of comfort thinking she is being watched over by someone as loving as you are. She would have liked you. I will decide tomorrow. I am keeping her in the apartment tonight. She is totally wrapped in a blanket and taped and in a really good tight bag so she is fine.

            Stanley is starting to be really confused. I got rid of her bed and bedding and have a new bed for him. He was laying by the bag I had Blanche in. He knows she is gone but he does not know where. ....he is my buddy. I honestly don't think it will be long for him either.

I am actually doing fine. I think being with her these last few days I really wanted her to go to sleep. It was a very peaceful death. She had a really good life. Thanks. I will be in touch tomorrow.”

 

13 December 2013 Friday

I heard that the Population of California is now 38.2 million people. Wow. More people than Canada.

Well never leave a half-eaten egg English muffin sandwich alone in the morning...while helping Buddy and Daisy up on the bed…Lucky helped himself to finishing off my sandwich... Well the little guy had to fend for himself when he was a stray... seize an opportunity... and a breakfast sandwich …seems to be his modus operandi ...good thing he gives lots of kisses.

I signed up to give $30 a month to the Humane Society and Caws as part of my charitable donations. I always give to animal groups.

After school I had to drive up to Layton and attend a class on the Star Base program the 6th graders will be doing in February. That made for a long day. Just one more week though until the Winter Break Yay!

I had a long talk with Bill Poore. He decided to have his cat cremated rather than bring him over to be buried in the back yard. He says he is doing okay even though he’s had Blanche for 18 years. I guess he really doesn’t want to go to Jim Dabakis’ birthday party this Tuesday so I won’t push it.

I received a message for Deidre Paulsen, who was the wife of the Mission President when Kyle served in Brazil. She wrote; “Ben, How fast a year flies! I had intended to write Kyle on Mother's Day since he often called me then. Time passed, then I went to Cambodia, then I broke my ankle, as a result of the surgery and the stitches they used, got a wound that wouldn't heal until just barely. Been thinking about Kyle recently and feeling guilty and today, great surprise, received a very sweet letter from Kyle. So I'm sending him a Christmas card right now. Are you still in touch with him? How do you think he's doing? Thank you again for contacting me, Deirdre Paulsen.”

I responded: “I went down to see him the day after Thanksgiving and have been trying to see him once a month since last July...am going to try and go down over Christmas break depending on the weather... I am the only visitor he's ever had... He's been slacking on his letter writing lately but he's busy with his printing office management job and taking college correspondence... He told me he was going to write you... He tells me he's a changed man and I hope that he is... He's life was so crazy and full of deception before... I know he has special fond memories of you.”

Deidre replied, “Ben, thanks for responding so quickly. Kyle's letter certainly sounds like he's changed. . certainly hope so. I feel bad that his family isn't at all supportive. But I know that his mother died soon after he returned from his mission. And I know that he has a sister who was really negative about him. I really think the church sent him to Brazil to get him away from her. All I really know is that he was a good missionary for us. . not quite the stereotype missionary, but he had great ideas for organizing missionary choirs especially around Christmas time and we made a lot of contacts. I also remember driving through the worst rainstorm I have ever been to attend a baptism of his. Kyle and I worked together very well. I'm glad he's taking college correspondence courses -- and that he has a job with printing that he likes. He's lucky to have such a good friend as you who can be forgiving. . . Happy holidays, Deirdre.”

 

14 December 2013 Saturday

I never went into school today as I wanted to as the day just kind of got away from me. I finally was sitting down to breakfast, had a rough night sleeping, up and down all night peeing, so I slept in until 8 a.m. when I got up made some pancakes and bacon but then Chuck Whyte calls and says when could I bring the electric griddle down to the Pride Center so they could feed the homeless youth by 10:00 a.m..

I guess they’ve gotten their permission to feed kids. So I just split the pancakes between Daisy, Buddy, and Lucky and took off downtown. I also donated my old toaster oven which I had down stairs. It works well just too big for my kitchen.

So I get there about 9:30 and I call Levon Mirakyan to see if I could drop my PC off so he could dump Windows 8 and add back Windows 7. Dave Robinson said that Levon was up and to just come by so I did.

I had only intended to be a few minutes but Dave Robinson asked me to come in and you know me...two hours later of Gay Gossiping and Gabbling it was nearly noon.

I Caught him up on the John Netto schizoid gossip and the Tranny bathroom bill. It was good to see Lavon again and he seemed in good spirits.

After leaving, I came back and I finally made a new batch of pancakes and had a brunch I suppose. I also felt like I wanted to go to Deseret Industries and see what they might have. I bought some great cornel casserole dishes for $1 each and some other household items.

So when I finally settled in and cleaned the house it was nearly time for Ben Anderson and Mattia Lumaca to come over at 6 p.m. In fact I was in the shower when they came by. We decided to go to the Grand America to see their Christmas displays but the traffic around Grand America was horrific and very crowded so we decided to go get something to eat and we went to good old Village Inn on 4th South and 9th East. I don’t think that place has changed since the 1980’s. Very retro and cool.

There I realized I had forgotten my wallet at home so they treated me and I had a Reuben Sandwich again but this time their coleslaw was not very good. Oh Well.

From there we decided to park at Harmon’s on State Street and walk-through City Creek Mall to Temple Square. We braved the cold and crowds to see the lights on Temple square however most of the lights are on the Main Street Plaza now.

There were wall to wall baby strollers and date night couples strolling. I felt as if I was walking in a Heterosexual Wonderland...

It was fun to hear carolers on temple square and a brass band trio playing Christmas Carols. Mormons, on the most part, are beautiful people. I will give you that but it was way too crowded. People were stumbling over each other. It was California crowded.

 

This one guy amused me outside of the square who was in a hula skirt singing Hawaiian Songs. All in all the lights were magnificent and it was fun to get out into the city I love and even being with Ben and Mattia.

I Was in bed by 10:00 and glad for it.

I guess Charles is spending the weekend in California writing with Christopher Wixxon another Dottie Dixon play.

 

15 December 2013 Sunday

It’s Still frigid out but up in the high 20’s today. A Beautiful winter moon is out. Didn’t do a whole lot today just kind lazy but did get some things done.

I fixed a Sunday breakfast on this frosty morn consisting of fried eggs, biscuits and milk gravy hot coffee and grapefruit...Good Morning Salt Lake City...

There's a 3-foot icicle hanging over my bay window causing rainbows with the sun coming up and shining through it.

I worked on my blog some this morning and watched “Crybaby” with Johnny Depp before getting ready to go out. I went into the city about 4:00 to go to Chuck Copeland memorial service at Larkins Funeral home. There were Lots of pictures to sum up his life but very few people were there. I didn’t see but maybe 20 people on the guest registry and no one I knew. I think a cousin was his only relative there. So little we leave behind...

But I paid my respects and then went and bought some flocking for an art project I am doing with the kids. Dave Robinson texted me that Levon Mirakyan is almost done with the computer but I said no rush and that I will pick it up tomorrow.

I did a little grocery shopping and bought gas at Smiths for $2.85 a gallon. Never thought it would be down below $3.00 again but it is.

Then I came home and fixed dinner. I had simple solid food dinner tonight...meat loaf, twice baked potatoes, green beans with bacon, and sauté cabbage... Maybe a glass of red wine that Charles Frost left here a wine back...homo cooked meal.

Three classic movie actors died today. Joan Fontaine, Peter O’Toole, and Tom McLaughlin of Billy Jack fame.

On this day 40 years ago my mental illness was magically cured! On this date the American Psychiatric Association's Board of Trustees recommended the removal of homosexuality from the APA’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders' (DSM) list of psychiatric disorders.

 

Until 1973 homosexuality was treated in American society as a disease and a crime until June 2003! It Took me longer to be a law-abiding citizen than it did for me to be not considered insane. I was sane at 22 years and legal at 52 years old.

 

16 December 2013 Monday

You can certainly tell that it’s the week before Christmas. The kids are just wired and I need to do more projects. No sense fighting human nature. I am glad I didn’t come in last Saturday because the building was still not opened! I would have been so pissed if I had driven up here again and still couldn’t get in.

After work I withdrew $100 from the credit Union to pay Levon Mirakyan for working on my Laptop. Then I went into town to pick it up. Dave Robinson was there to let me in and we visited for about 20 minutes. They had just finished eating and Lavon showed me some stuff about the computer and said never do updates or it will erase the Windows 7 so hopefully it will work now so that I can blog on it.

Since it was almost 5 p.m. and I didn’t want to hit the traffic leaving the city, I went over to Charles Frost who was only a few blocks east and we visited until nearly 6 p.m. He said that he heard Valerie is de-friending people left and right on FB lol. I told Charles I defriended Cartel Chameleon this morning.

I like her but I was tired of all her gender-neutral crap. I like my gender. I like being a man and I like being with a man.

Charles sent me home with a bottle of wine and some chili he made. I didn’t tell him that I already had chili for lunch. His was good but spicier. More heat.

I also cooked a hamburger. I was in the mood for a hamburger.

On the way home about 3rd West ran into some fog. It was heavy in spots but kind of patchy all the way home. Glad to be home for sure.

 

17 December 2013 Tuesday

Well I probably will never get invited to a Michelle Turpin soiree after tonight... She came up to Charles Frost when we found a spot in the turret of the McCune Mansion and she started talking about the center  to Charles and basically ignoring me because after all who am I?

So when she started in on how she thought John Netto was the man for the job, I jumped in and let her know what I thought and said if she had bothered coming to talking circles she would have known what the community was thinking.

I told her how Netto lied about the 30-day disclosure but Turpin went on to defend him talking down to me saying all the time "you got to understand" and I let her know I know more than she thinks.

The auditor evidently that Valerie had hired was fired and they are having a complete audit which won't be released until February and I said, then why don’t you author an article for the Q and let the community know what is going on... why all this secrecy?

I said the Center also promised to open the board up to various elements of the community and hasn’t. Then  she  promptly began to lecture me on the duties of a board and I let her know I was on the board of the old Stonewall Center and know what a board should do and she said there can’t be anything done until a new director is hired and I said BS and the vetting process better be put out there in the community before anyone is hired that there is no trust in anything the current board says or does.

She said then, “well we have to work with who we have” and I called her on that and said that the center should be filled will volunteers not just paid staff...

Then I said also “when are you going to involve the community in the capital finance campaign” and she rattled off who was on the committee and they are just trying to find high rollers and I said that  is BS that the community isn't being involved and it’s a community center!...”

            Charles had to pull me off a few times... I was being civil, really, but I wasn't having any of her superiority.... Turpin is one elitist woman. She was pointing her finger at me so I pointed right back at her which shocked Charles and pissed him off. He always sides with the cheese and wine crowd...

Beano Solomon was at the party too but left before Debbie Reynolds arrived. Kent Frogley was hanging by her side the entire time and I figured Beano brought him, and he got snockered while there. He’s a lush...Netto was there with his wife...looking scraggly and like he was just came off a work site...He sure made a lousy impression at a soiree with so many politicians and hoity-toity...

Jim ate his dinner at the table we were sitting at.. an all Gay affair with Doug Wortham and his partner, and some kids from BYU. Jim said he’d rather sit with us then all the people that were there so I felt flattered. He didn't even sit with his husband "Steve" LOL...

Any way Charles bent Donna Weinholtz’s ear  who said she though the center was a mess also... Charles was getting a little looped and kept saying where’s Nikki Boyer where's Valerie Larabee LOL the little shit.

I did have a cape cod but kept my wits about me so I could observe and witness. It was a social event of the season for sure and I felt so out of place with the “Brahmans and Olympians”...

When I found a table to sit at to watch Debbie Reynolds perform, Netto and Frogley came and stood right in front of me blocking my view...Charles told them to move their asses...

Now I know not everyone knows our divas, but Netto leaned over to me and asked who was Debbie’s first husband  when she mentioned him in a bit but not by name... So I said Eddie Fisher and he still didn’t get it so I said he left Debbie Reynolds for Elizabeth Taylor! God like that wasn't one of the biggest Hollywood scandal of the 20th Century! That man has no Queer Energy!

I was trying to think who Netto reminded me of then I remembered it was Tiny “Tip Toe Through the Tulips” Tim from the 1960’s. I later posted a picture of Tiny Tim on Great Basin Bad Boys  with the caption that he was Netto’s Doppelganger.

All in all I had a blast and felt honored when Jim had Charles and I go get our pictures taken with  Debbie Reynolds.

Michael Aaron said to me “I'm not a Turpin fan, whatsoever. A bit too snooty for my tastes. I was supposed to be there last night, but I'd only had 2 hours of sleep since Sunday morning. I would love to see the video feed, heheh.” I wrote him back and said, “I am sorry you missed it. Truly it was a special occasion and we could have gossiped about everyone.” Michael replied, “Giuseppe was so wanting to go as well. He loves her, only because she was in Will & Grace, heheh omg. You are HORRIBLE with the Tiny Tim thing.” I responded, “Well I calls them as I sees them lol he looked like a bum last night... A pan handler...I hear people are bailing on the center ... Including Jania Sommers.”

 

18 December 2013 Wednesday

I bought kids some Christmas cupcakes, fruit punch, and Royal Dansks cookies for a Holiday party... I had the kids take a drink each time they heard the word ”Who” in the “Grinch who Stole Christmas... Now we are watching Charlie Brown Xmas...

The air is so bad we can't send the kids out for recess ... Thank you Gov Herbert for the shitty air.

On this day in 1966 the Grinch premiered on television in living color... So watching  it with my students today was kind of neat...

I am feeling pretty grinchy myself today... It’s sad that the Trapp bar won't be available for the holidays All I can deduce is that Joe Redburn is selling the bar and it's being remodeled with new flooring being put in and some minor health code issues are being addressed...there might be more too it but I am not privy ... Joe is in his mid-70s now and probably just wants to retire.

 

19 December 2013 Thursday

We'll I better get my old carcass moving...these kids aren't going to teach themselves but the days before Christmas break is like going into a battle zone and with bad air and sub-freezing temperatures, I can't even send them out to recess for a momentary break from the incessant yammering and hollering and that's by me lol.

Well it only took me 45 minutes for a 10-minute commute... Lucky to get here with snow covered ice packed roads... A train derailed in NSL and 3 cars slid off the I 215 connector. It was a toboggan ride into Bountiful with nothing plowed, not even the school parking lot. It was so a Mr. Toads Wild Ride... What hell are snow days for?

Back home from school it only took me an hour to snow plow my driveway and sidewalk and shovel my steps and a path down the back porch... 7 inches of snow here and glad I am home the roads are going to ice tonight.

I made a kettle full of corn chowder for supper this wintry night...I must of gotten some water in my ear now I have a sore ear ...

BREAKING NEWS: New Mexico Supreme Court legalizes same-marriage. New Mexico has become the 17th state in the U.S. to provide marriage equality to same-sex couples!

 

20 December 2013 Friday

Historic Unbelievable day! This morning I woke up exhausted... too tired to face Hyper kids, white knuckle driving, shoveling snow, slight earache but off to work I go to keep a roof over my head and kibbles in the bellies of the pups...

The Back doors on the porch won't open due to frozen ice on the deck...It will take the entire Holiday break to recover I fear...I am feeling every bit of 62 and a half this morning...but each day is a blessing.

Well I put on “Home Alone” to kill time and at 1:30 I sent the kids on their merry way for the Winter Break. As I was pulling into my driveway though, I got high centered by the frozen snow that was shoved into my driveway by the snow plow.

At the same time I heard a news report that a Federal Judge had declared in favor of marriage equality for Utah by saying that Utah’s Amendment 3 was unconstitutional but I no time to celebrate because I had to dig my wheels out... and finally my neighbor helped push my car into the drive way.

Now safe at home my nerves were frazzled, but I got on Face book to hear what was going on and on the local news that was going bonkers. Bob Henline reported that he married the first Gay couple in Utah and when I asked who he said, “the Tea guys!” I knew immediately it was Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson! Wow Wow Wow!

It was a mad rush down at the court house as people piled in to get married before 5:00 worried that there would be a stay! I so wanted to be down there but did not dare leave the driveway fearful I might not get back in again.

I am so excited for my friends who are marrying this day! Someone posted a picture of my dear friend Michael Ferguson throwing his arm across his face, overcome with joy upon hearing that Seth and his marriage application was being accepted by the county clerk on the advice of Sim Gill, the county attorney!... This pictures made me cry...

For shame on those who have kept people in love from marrying for years...what a historic day for us who have stayed in Utah and fought the good fight...I knew we would win but not in my life time... I am 62 years old...

Seth Anderson and Michael Adam Ferguson the first legally married couple in Utah! Shortly after a federal Judge struck down Utah's ban on same-sex marriage their application for a marriage license was accepted and they wasted no time getting to the court house.

Jim Dabakis was married on camera to Steve Justesen! Wahoo! Jim Dabakis said he's not expecting a wedding present from the governor lol

Gary Herbert is the George Wallace of Marriage Equality...segregation today segregation tomorrow Segregation forever... The acting Attorney General  is trying to get the 10th Circuit Court to issue a stay of marriage license... The old men at North Temple must be on the hotline to the Governor office... Boyd K Packer is probably purple with apoplexy.

Congratulation James Dabakis, what a great birthday present. To understand that Utah is not a democracy, the news picks one church and one church only to comment on Marriage Equality today... Guess which one.

I am So proud that Bob Henline, my friend, officiated at the first gay marriage in Utah to my friends Seth and Mike. There's over 100 couples still waiting in line to get married in Salt Lake County building. Mayor Becker is there marrying people left and right...

They are keeping the court house open well past 5 o'clock to accommodate all these people and their families... Shame shame shame on Mormon officials trying to keep people apart... Keep your religion out of our lives. Why does it take the federal government to get Utah to do what is fair and just?

 

Weston Clark just got married to his spouse by Ralph Becker yahoo. I taught with his mother Christy Clark at Orchard years ago. Longtime activist Babs DeLay was married ... Wow!

You know ...only those who do not know what love is ...could possibly deny others the joy of being loved .... It makes me wonder how twisted someone must be to keep people in love apart... Who are the real perverts...? Who is really anti-family...? I think we all know.

So many people are going to be sharing the same anniversary date in Utah ...I never use to cry at weddings... But I have been bawling all day... We only just begun...

Congratulations all you old time activists. We've done good making a happier day for those who will come after us... I can just imagine all my friends who died before this day are smiling on the other side...40 years ago I came to Utah... I finally feel like I am in the promise land.... What a day of jubilation ... No matter what old Pharaoh throws at us we are on our way to better days.

God so many wedding gifts to buy! Maybe just switch wrapping paper on the Christmas gifts!

Kind of weird how the Mormon Church would rather have people live in sin instead of getting married don't you think? Wait! What's that? is the veil in the Temple being rent asunder? Are heterosexuals feverishly filing for divorce? Is Moroni falling off his perch? There has to be some kind of apocalyptic doom... Dogs and cats mating, something... Oh the horror! People in love getting married!

Utah's NAACP issued a Press Release applauding Judge Shelby according to Jenetta Williams Lots of Honeymoons tonight... Goodnight young lovers wherever you are... Exhausted and happy by a memorable day.

Today is the feast day of Ruth and Naomi, And Ruth said, “Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God”:

 

21 December 2013 Saturday

I have a feeling that the Supreme Court will not hear any appeal of Judge Shelby's ruling. They will say that they made their decision last June with Prop 8 and DOMA and will let whatever decision the 10th Circuit Court decides stand...and the 10th will side with Individual Rights over States Rights...

 

Utah cannot prove the ban is beneficial to the state’s interests... The ban is based solely on the Mormon theology of celestial marriage and the Mormons sustaining their leaders to vote for the ban...

So marry on people, sue the county clerks who won't issue licenses, make Utah leaders pay through the nose for their bigotry...and God Bless our federal system and the Constitution of the United States of America...

Sad that the principles of the 18th century Enlightenment are trumped by medieval theocracy in Utah... I will take Voltaire and Rousseau and John Lock over Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and Thomas Monson any day...

It's taking the Gay Rights movement to bring Utah Patriarchs screaming and hollering into the 21st Century...What is incredible to me is that many of these people are decades younger than me and yet still espouse the prejudices and vileness of the1950s and 60's... Sad they love their church more than they love people...they kind of got it ass backwards I think.

Hello Winter Solstice...now comes Utah’s long winter of discontent as Gays have the right to a "Marry" Christmas. The more Gay couples marry, who have children, the stronger the case will be against the dissolution of those marriages by the state...

See Prop 8 lawsuit as a precedence... Stay Calm and Marry On.

When I posted that I was kind of disappointed in Mayor Ben McAdams... I wrote for all the money James Dabakis raised for him through the Gay community you would think a congratulations would be in order and for all the Gays who voted for him including myself you would think he could be a little more supportive... May be I am missing something. Then McAdams responded saying “5 years of unwavering support for the LGBT community and you decide you're disappointed in me because I couldn't attend the celebration yesterday? Ouch. Do you think it was just a coincidence that Salt Lake County began issuing licenses within mere minutes of the court's ruling? In my experience, usually the really hard work and tough decisions are made outside of the spotlight. I'm disappointed in those who assume the worst when I have such a strong track record to the contrary. Thankfully, most people in the lgbt community are thanking us for what slco has done in the last 24 hours. Let's celebrate this historic day and not try to find something negative.”

Ouch! Ben McAdams isn’t even on my FB page so I wonder why he decided to personally message me.

Someone from Provo made this comment on the Deseret News, AKA church news, editorial calling Judge Shelby's ruling “Judicial Tyranny” "Wow!

“Rarely has there been strung together a more pathetic collection of legalistic whining and petty parliamentary proceduralism masquerading as argument. Only trained legal mind simultaneously blunted and blinded by religious dogma could possibly blow so much impotent hot air as this.

Bigotry is crumbling across this great, freedom loving country, and all the puny hands of hyperbole and religious objection in the world will not stop the rising tide of marriage equality from sweeping the nation from coast to coast."

Gays should be baking Funeral Potato casseroles for all our Mormon friends and neighbors on this solemn occasion of the death of their Traditional Marriages... Or is a green Jell-o carrot salad more appropriate? Sister Dottie S. Dixon would know...

I can't help but sing the refrain from an old hymn I learned going to church with my grandma and grandpa in Texas "love lifted me love lifted me when nothing else could help love lifted me" ... Love is certainly lifting Utah to match its slogan of life elevated.

I can't open my doors to the deck with the solid ice and icicles... Had to ax pick my drive way to break up the frozen snow the plows shoved into my drive way now I am too exhausted to go out... The snow blower just skims over the ice... So I guess I will stay home and do chores here.

Big shout out to Mark Lawrence of Restore Our Humanity who brought about this historic occasion

I heard Todd Markham and Addison Daniel Rose drove to Ogden from Provo to try and get married when Weber County said they would be open for an hour but after hundreds were in line they cancelled it. I feel sorry for the hundreds wanting to get married today including Todd and Addison who drove up from Provo.

Addison Daniel Rose- wrote: “Thank you for thinking about us. You're an amazing man.”

Chuck Whyte also said, “- I also feel sorry for the couples that traveled so far, when I was at the Utah Pride Center this morning they received a large amount of calls asking where they could get married at. The staff members were telling the callers about the Ogden Court House along with the address, this happened countless times over a four-hour period..”

 

22 December 2013 Sunday

I Got up this morning and fixed pancakes and sausages and checked the weather report. It said the roads would be wet and dry down to Gunnison but nothing about any Precipitation so I decided to chance going down after making a lot of comments on Face book.

In fact I let the time get away from me so I didn’t’ get on the road until nearly 11:00 which I knew would make me get home after dark. I took the truck down because of cruise control and except through Utah County the road were good although I was only going 60 miles an hour until past Payson.

I reached Gunnison about 1:15 and it was a dreary drive let me tell you. However it was important for me to see Kyle Foote before Christmas. I bought him a Dr. Pepper and some candy bars and we visited the whole 2 hours primarily about Marriage Equality in Utah. I Told him all who were getting married.

He seemed happy and glad to see me and looked a little disappointed when I said I wouldn’t be down again until April because the Winter roads are too treacherous for me. Told him I wore his knitted cap down all the way. Well the time passed fast as it always does and I gave him a long hug and told him I loved him and drove the long 130 miles home.

I got home about 6 p.m. and it was a three-hour trip because of the nasty weather in Utah County. It’s scary driving in that county in good weather but in bad it’s just white knuckles. I drove 50 miles an hour and others passing me were swerving all over the place...Two cars stopped too fast and spun around in the middle lane... I just hugged the outside lane and listened to show tunes and thanked fate… making it home with life, limb, and property intact...

South of Payson, roads were good and no snow...but in Utah County freezing rain. So glad to be home safe and sound.

All anyone writes about on Face book is about Marriage Equality. This is all happening so fast...my head is spinning...sensory overload...we struggled so long and now it is here... It seems like I am dreaming... Gay Marriage in Utah!

I dare say Gary Herbert is afraid that the Gay Mafia is going to break his wrists, style his hair, put him in a thong, and dump him on Bare Ass Beach while a Utah Bear Picnic is going on! I can picture it all now... Woof Gary Woof.

 

23 December 2013 Monday

I delivered 6 dozen donuts to the people who had been waiting in line ... Doors didn't open up until 6 pm and some had been waiting since 2:30 in the morning! That was fun passing out wedding donuts!

Brian Thompson, the Utah County clerk is criminally denying Gay people their right to marry as per a federal judge's order. After Judge Robert Shelby refused a state request to stop the marriages..

 

Later I swung by to pick Rocky O’Donovan up to go to the marriage Celebration rally at the City County building sponsored by the Restore Our Humanity. But he didn’t answer his texts so when it was 6 I just went on without him.

It's so cold outside and my feet are cold but I am here at the rally with Val Mansfield, Chuck Whyte, and Bill Poore. Bob Henline performed a marriage for Clyde Peck one of the people who brought a suit against Utah,  I am all Gayed out... good night.

Reflections by Sim Gill, our Salt Lake County Attorney who made dreams come true...it matters who you vote for...don't tell me there is no difference between being a Republican or Democrat...look at Salt Lake County and Utah County...

Sim Gill wrote: TODAY

Today I saw a mother holding her child's hand in anticipation of inching closer to the front of the line trying not to betray the emotion swelling up in ...her.

Today I saw an elderly couple holding hands while one summoned the physical strength attached to an oxygen tank and her partner tended to her with hopeful affection as they waited in line.

Today I saw two young people asleep in a long meandering line dreaming about the end of the rainbow just three hundred yards away.

Today I saw a group of friends huddled together in support of their friends who never believed such a day was possible for them.

Today I saw families with a certain hopeful pride. I saw parents come to support their children, siblings come to support their brothers and sisters, children come to support their parents and proclaim both of them for the first time openly.

Today I saw the ordinary, unexceptional, average, normal people in love.

Today I saw professionals, blue collar, white collar, teachers, engineers, domestics, clerks, salaried, hourly wage earners, artists, unemployed, entrepreneurs, students and retired people using their civil rights.

Today I saw young and old, flamboyant, and reserved, smiling and tired, hopeful, and hoping, white, black, Asian, female, male, tattooed, conservative, outstandingly dressed, liberal, religious, loud, gleeful, quiet, thin, rotund, jubilant diversity of humanity standing in line to claim the dignity they always possessed but were denied by a human obstruction of fear, hate and purposed misunderstanding.

Today I saw compassion of strangers, kindness of parents, joy of friends, love of partners, generosity of volunteers, the relentless work of civil servants, the focus of the committed, tenacity of the deprived, courage of the silent, presence of the hidden and the voice of the quiet and the roar of the demur.

Today I saw the world, witnessed the humanity, observed the dignity, appreciated the commitment, was humbled by the love that was driving this moment.

Today I saw people happy, people hopeful, people proud, people exercising their rights. Today I just saw LOVE.

Today I saw the value of marriage as an institution, the importance of it, the value of it, the honor of it, the mystery of it, the emotion of it, the culture of it, the sanctity of it, the reverence of it, the unutterable necessity of it to complete the fullness of life.

 

Today I saw America's past touched by America's future.

Today I saw history.

Today was a good day.

Tomorrow will be a good day too

 

24 December 2013 Tuesday

Well a life well lived is one that has been dedicated to the fight for equality, justice, and love... I hope my obituary will simply say a "life well lived... "

This is the reason I stayed in Utah all these years... seeing people I love filled with joy... Mission accomplished.

I had a fun Christmas Eve with my Gay Family and friends...I fixed a glazed ham, cheesy cauliflower, cream corn, green beans with bacon, mashed potatoes, candied yams, dinner rolls, banana nut bread, rice Krispy squares.

Bill Poore brought with him Chuck Whyte. Mattia Lumaca brought his husband Benjamin Anderson along with their son Jared Anderson who it turns out knew Bill as a director at the U of U... Andy Dalrymple also came over.

We hooped and hollered when I read Charles Frost's post that the 10th Circuit Court  that denied the stay... “Marry Christmas all”...

Bill Poore later wrote “Thanks Ben, it was so great to be with you guys when we heard the 10th Circuit Court denied the stay....this is almost like a dream, the Federal Government is telling us that maybe the fear we lived in for years is almost over.”

 Never thought anything would top meeting Debbie Reynolds but boy was I proven wrong... Gay Marriage in Utah! Am I still dreaming? I am feeling Future Shock! Future Shock was a book that was required reading when I was in college in 1970. It defined the term "future shock" as a personal perception of "too much change in too short a period of time". That is exactly what I am feeling mixed with euphoria.

I wrote Bill saying, “Make sure cookies are left out for Santa to thank him for bringing Gay Marriage in time for Christmas... Merry Christmas and all a good night.”

            When I was living at home in California, we always went over to Grandma Williams for Christmas Eve where grandpa cooked huge kettles of chili and pinto beans...while Grandma made all kinds of pies ...we usually exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve night...once I remember that my grandma and grandpa Johnson came with us, and while everyone was opening presents, Grandma Williams realized there wasn't one for Grandma Johnson to open. So she hurried and wrapped a knickknack and surprised my mom's mom with a gift... I will always remember Grandma doing that.. She never wanted anyone left out... I miss those Christmas Eves... I came from good people.

 

25 December 2013 Wednesday Christmas Day

I watched a lot of Christmas movies this morning while straightening the house…”Christmas Vacation,” “Scrooge”,  then it was time for some eggnog and a splash of honey whiskey then back to bed...

Bill Poore came over around noon with treats for the pups. Michael Romero came over about 2:00 and we went out to the Gile’s for a Christmas dinner. It was just us this time so about 6 of us.

Randy Gile made a Prime Rib but it took forever to cook. He put on about 2 but it didn’t get done until about 6:30 but we ate in shifts and it was just nice visiting.

I was worried a little about getting home to feed the hounds but it was a nice Christmas day with the Giles anyway.

Well, hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and had something under the tree and was with people you love...I had a nice time with my adopted family Randy Gile and Kimberlee Gile and a delicious dinner I didn't have to cook... Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

In the evening Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson surprised me by coming over  a- caroling lol.

Reflections on Marriage Equality...I am surprised that so many people are shocked that this happened in Utah. It's only because they don't know the Gays of Utah... This didn't happen in a vacuum but over the course of 5 decades we relentlessly stayed true to achieving equality in this state... Years and years of perseverance, resisting oppression, being good neighbors, showing our humanity has worn away prejudice and bigotry somewhat...

What happened over the weekend was culmination of a life time of work... By folks like Joe Redburn, the Royal Court, Michael Aaron, David Nelson, Becky Moss, Chuck Whyte, Courtney Moser, so many others who spent their lives to make other people’s dreams come true... Love wears down hate...we are living proof of it here in Utah... Deep hearted thanks for  Mark Lawrence's 40 years of activism... We did good...

Three hundred and fifty Gay couples were married on Monday and a lot of people benefited from wedding paraphernalia. lol

Just because the majority votes for something or something doesn't make it a smart move... In 2004 Amendment 3 passed with 66 percent of the vote in Utah. In 2012 John Swallow was elected Utah Attorney General with a 64 percent of the vote of Utah... Utah often makes dumb decisions when left up to the will of the majority of (60.7%) of Utahns who are Mormons... Amendment 3 ... John Swallow... coincidences? 90 percent of the 75 Utah House members are LDS, and that 27 of 29 senators were Mormon in 2012...

 

26 December 2013 Thursday

It was a lazy kind of day and I had a Humphrey Bogart marathon morning. I watched “African Queen,” “Maltese Falcon,” and “Casablanca” before Charles Frost came over where we exchanged soups. I had made a pot of bean soup using the ham left over from Christmas Eve and some Corn Chowder. He made some mushroom soup and vegetable soup. I also made Doug Lott a homemade Apple Pie.

Charles said he met Doug Lott out at the Tooele County court house and they were  married again even though they had been married in New York two years ago. Doug’s twin sister was marrying her partner and wanted Doug to be with them. Babs DeLay married the two couples.

Charles was going to hot tub but he was exhausted and had to dress up as Dottie Dixon for a benefit for the Intermountain Therapy Animals. She is donating her time for four days. Charles said “I have to get my mind wrapped around having to do 4 daily performances of THE PUPCRACKER! It all begins tonight. Dress rehearsal on Monday, and I remembered how much I hate getting up into her day after day. It's hard. A show is different, but for a 55 minutes fundraiser? Oh well...it for a very good and worthy cause. We will raise ITA $15,000 these next four days.”

I told him, “You are a Saint... and your pup is looking down from heaven at you for all your good deeds.”

He said “Thank you for saying that. (made me cry--)”

Anyway, Charles just stayed a little bit telling me about his marriage, about what the SAGE Board will do if the Pride Center doesn’t get its shit together.

After that it was time to get ready for my movie night with Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson. They came over and did some laundry while here, had some supper, and then went to the movie room. John Bonner also came over so there was the four of us.

Seth’s sister was flying in from Arizona but her plane was two hours delayed so they just waited for her here until she came in. I showed them Alfred Hitchcock’s the Rope and Arthur Hilliers Making Love. Half way through Making Love, Seth’s sister called and said her plane got in so they had to leave but John really was into the movie and stayed after the boys left to finished watching it. Michael calls me his Fairy Angel Godmother FAG and that their visits here are part of their EduGaytion LOL.

In the news finally all Utah State liquor sales broke the record on Monday for most liquor sold in one day. The news said that State liquor sales broke the record on Monday for most liquor sold in one day in Utah. A little more than $3 million worth of beer, wine and liquor sold in the state's 44 stores. That's more than 296,000 thousand bottles. The record was broken celebrating Gay Marriages. In all Utah counties they are now compliant with Judge Shelby’s ruling except for Piute who’s clerk is on vacation.

My dad after having a nice Christmas day and talking to his brothers on the phone and other family members that day, got up this morning 10 years ago, went out to get the morning paper and entering the house, had a massive stroke and died instantly.

It was one of the worse storms in Utah, with massive powerful failure and two feet of snow. I was shoveling my driveway way when Michael called out to me saying that my mom was on the phone and that my father had died.

There were no flights out of Utah until the next day and we had no power in the house for nearly 24 hours... I felt helpless and just wanted to be home but waited it out in a cold house, no electricity, until my neighbor Kimberlee Gile who worked for Jet Blue could get me a flight out on December 27th. It all seemed so surreal.

With my own personal tragedy, a world away a giant earthquake rocked the Indian Ocean causing a tsunami drowning 10's of thousands.

Miss you Dad even if we never understood each other. Edgar Hugh Williams born 19 January 1925 Portales New Mexico died 26 December 2003 Palmdale, California... WWII Navy Veteran served on the USS Gamble hit by Japanese bombs at the Battle of Iwo Jima... He was only 19 years old at the time of the attack.

Jon Schild wrote: That's really sad for you, but a good way to go. My father languished in a home for nearly a year, slowly dying of emphysema.

My cousin Terrie Williams wrote I remember that day. I was in Texas for Christmas & we got the call later...how could that be? My dad had just talked to your dad....glad he did not suffer but it's always a shock when you lose your pop...it is one year since my dad went to join the family 12-16-12....what is it about December hello uncle Edgar & papa.”

I responded, “Only Your mom and Uncle RL are left from that big family of ours.”

      My nephew Ken Jones wrote I always wanted to be like him when I grew up. I hope he's not too disappointed. I remember when I mowed the front lawn at the Garden Grove house as a kid and chopped off one of the sprinkler heads, sending it flying, smashing one of the front windows. He was not happy. God how I miss that house, those times, and them.”

I told Ken, “lots of things didn't make dad happy but you were never one of them.”

Richard Milner wrote: “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland.”

My sister Charline Wachs wrote, “Dad may not have understood us or us him at times but you knew he loved his family he worked very hard for us. Miss you dad.”

I replied, “Yes dad showed his love by being a provider.”

Kimberlee Gile wrote: “That was such a beautiful tribute to your dad, Ben. You may not have understood each other, but you turned out to be one of the nicest, most generous, and gracious person I know. A father could not ask for a better son.”

Kip Swan also wrote: “Ben that was a very thoughtful tribute, coupled with Richard Milner's share just made my day. The energy these feelings of love provide is what moves us all toward contentment. Thank you.”

 

27 December 2013 Friday

I took my old house mate Levon Mirakyan out for Chinese Dinner at Asian Isle in SLC for a Christmas Dinner... He got his work permit finally and his social security card so now he can legally work in the United States...Hopefully he will get his asylum soon. Armenia is taking its cues from Russia cracking down on Gay people so he is safer here in the land of the free...

 

28  December 2013 Saturday

I spent this morning making a Carrot cake for Seth Anderson’s party. Then did a little hot tubbing, took a nap, and then got ready for his birthday party which was a success. I brought my world-famous carrot cake with butter cream cheese frosting, mingled a little, hugged Seth and Michael Adam Ferguson, met Seth's sister, and his Dad.

Connell O'Donovan, Troy Williams, Matt Landis was about all I knew of the 50 or more people there. I only stayed about 20 minutes when the party began but I had been there since 6:30 helping out where I could.

When I left, Seth's Dad said take care of my "boys" which I thought was very touching that he recognized Michael as his son. I said I will.

Lucky jumped up on the table and lay on my vest to be close to me as I work... I think he loves me. I think Lucky found his favorite spot... Schnauzers are the perfect dogs for me... Fat, lazy, sassy, and adorable...

I wrote Kyle Foote a letter: “Dear Kyle, I got your blanket for Lucky. He says thanks. I think he is finally feeling like he’s home. Just yesterday I saw him for the first time really playing with Buddy. They were dancing with each other chasing each other which are so good for Buddy. He never had a play mate. Daisy and he never played since they were puppies.

I hope you had a nice Christmas and that the New Year brings you that much closer to coming home. When I left you, the roads were good until Utah County especially Provo and a freezing rain began to fall. I got myself into the slow lane and dropped my speed to 45 mph and even that at times was too fast and kept a good four car lengths behind people…Others were more stupid and at one point I see to cars spin out of control and turn a 380 degrees facing oncoming traffic. I was able to go around them and just hoped no one was speeding behind me or they would have smashed head first into the cars.

            As soon as I hit Salt Lake County it had cleared up and was dry. That is what is so weird about winter driving. But I made it home safe and sound.

The next morning was Monday and I couldn’t sleep, waking up at 5:30 so I decided to get on up and go down to the County Court to see people who were desperate to get married before the 9 a.m. ruling on a stay.

 I first stopped at the donut shop on State and 27th and bought 3 dozen assorted donuts because I wanted to pass them out to people who I knew would be standing in line.

Luckily, the court opened its doors at 6 am and was letting people in from the cold. I took the donuts to the very front of the line carrying 3 boxes full and started passing them out. The couples who were at the front of the line had been there since 2:30 in the morning…

I quickly went and was asking people if they wanted a wedding donut…People were exhausted tired and yet jubilant and grateful for the donuts.

It was not long before I was out of donuts so ran and bought 3 dozen more spending over $60 on donuts but I was so excited for this day of jubilee.

By the time I returned about 6:30, the line had increased three folds, wrapping clear around the 2nd floor corridor, and started filling up the first floor. I knew I didn’t have the means to feed all the people that was trying to get married before the stay which fortunately never happened.

Nearly 700 people were in line to get married along with their children, relatives, and friends. He was such a throng of happy and anxious humanity and a historic day.

            The clerks were cranking out 55 license an hour and downstairs along the freedom wall there were 10 different Clergy men and women, as well as lay people who were authorized to officiate at weddings. Curtis Price was there marrying people under a copy of the Constitution.

The clerk’s office open at 8 a.m. and as the people came down stairs with their license to be wed cheers went up each time!

 I told a reporter for the Tribune that for us old time activists this not just a wedding day by a culmination of a lifetime of work to make this dream a reality. I said I am surprised that so many people are shocked that this happened in Utah. It's only because they don't know the Gays of Utah... This didn't happen in a vacuum but over the course of 5 decades where we relentlessly stayed true to achieving equality in this state... Years and years of perseverance, resisting oppression, being good neighbors, showing our humanity has worn away prejudice and bigotry...

What happened over the weekend was culmination of a life time of work... By folks like Joe Redburn, the Royal Court, Michael Aaron, David Nelson, Becky Moss, Chuck Whyte, Courtney Moser, so many others who spent their lives to make other people’s dreams come true...

Love wears down hate...we are living proof of it here in Utah... Deep heart thanks to Mark Lawrence's 40 years of activism... We did good... 

I kept thinking about the book Future Shock that we had to read in college back in 1970. The premise was that in the future events will happen so quickly the mind won’t have time perceive the reality of it. Well this is the future and I indeed am in shock.

            Saw so many of my friends who had been together since the 1980’s finally getting legally married.

People were crying because they could believe this was happening in Utah and when Judge Shelby refused to issue a stay on his ruling the whole place exploded in cheers, hugging, crying, and shouting all at the same time. It meant everyone who had been standing in line for hours was going to be married today.

 In other counties like Cache and Utah Counties they refused to obey the judge’s order and were turning people away. Logan turned away hundreds I heard.

So it was a grand and glorious day for sure and I was exhausted emotionally and physically at the end of a triumphant day.

Even the county health people came out and were caroling the crowds. Magical. Salt Lake County’s Attorney Sim Gill wrote this on FB and it pretty much sums up the day: “Today I saw a mother holding her child's hand in anticipation of inching closer to the front of the line trying not to betray the emotion swelling up in ...her.

Today I saw an elderly couple holding hands while one summoned the physical strength attached to an oxygen tank and her partner tended to her with hopeful affection as they waited in line.

Today I saw two young people asleep in a long meandering line dreaming about the end of the rainbow just three hundred yards away.

Today I saw a group of friends huddled together in support of their friends who never believed such a day was possible for them.

Today I saw families with a certain hopeful pride. I saw parents come to support their children, siblings come to support their brothers and sisters, children come to support their parents and proclaim both of them for the first time openly.

Today I saw the ordinary, unexceptional, average, normal people in love.

Today I saw professionals, blue collar, white collar, teachers, engineers, domestics, clerks, salaried, hourly wage earners, artists, unemployed, entrepreneurs, students and retired people using their civil rights.

Today I saw young and old, flamboyant, and reserved, smiling and tired, hopeful, and hoping, white, black, Asian, female, male, tattooed, conservative, outstandingly dressed, liberal, religious, loud, gleeful, quiet, thin, rotund, jubilant diversity of humanity standing in line to claim the dignity they always possessed but were denied by a human obstruction of fear, hate and purposed misunderstanding.

Today I saw compassion of strangers, kindness of parents, joy of friends, love of partners, generosity of volunteers, the relentless work of civil servants, the focus of the committed, tenacity of the deprived, courage of the silent, presence of the hidden and the voice of the quiet and the roar of the demur.

Today I saw the world, witnessed the humanity, observed the dignity, appreciated the commitment, was humbled by the love that was driving this moment.

            Today I saw people happy, people hopeful, people proud, people exercising their rights.

Today I just saw LOVE.

Today I saw the value of marriage as an institution, the importance of it, the value of it, the honor of it, the mystery of it, the emotion of it, the culture of it, the sanctity of it, the reverence of it, the unutterable necessity of it to complete the fullness of life.

Today I saw America's past touched by America's future.

Today I saw history.

Today was a good day.

Tomorrow will be a good day too”

Governor Herbert is fit to be tied saying Amendment 3 was the voted for by 66 percent of Utahns but I’d like to remind him that 63 percent of Utahns voted for John Swallow too! Just because the majority votes for something doesn’t make it a good decision.

Paul Rolly says the Gays should thank Gayle Ruzicka because her support of John Swallow (he said she is going straight to the celestial kingdom at the Eagle Forum) probably made him fight longer to hold on to his job also when he did quit it caused confusion and a power vacuum that Judge Shelby took advantage of because the interim AG wasn’t smart enough to file a stay before the decision and now it’s too late.

            There was a rally at Washington Square at 6 p.m. put on by Restore Our Humanity but I only stayed about a half an hour. I was cold, my feet were cold from standing in the snow, and the sound system sucked but I wanted to be supportive but the physical body just finally wore out.

            Tuesday Christmas Eve I was up again early cleaning house and cooking. I had bunch of people for a ham dinner. The best Christmas present was when the 10th Circuit Court refused Utah’s stay. We actually hooped and hollered and cheer! Unbelievable. Never thought anything would top meeting Debbie Reynolds but boy was I proven wrong... Gay Marriage in Utah!

On Christmas day Mike and I went out to Randy and Kimberlee’s in Day Break for Christmas dinner. It was good to be with them but was so glad to have Christmas finally over. I haven’t taken any thing down but will tomorrow.

Charles is doing a 4-day benefit as Dottie Dixon for the Intermountain Animal Therapy people called PupCracker. He will raise nearly $15,000 for them in ticket sales and of course he is doing it for free. I told him that his little Scottie dog is smiling at him from heaven and he started to cry.

Thursday morning Doug and he were remarried in Tooele County along with Doug’s Lesbian Twin Sister to her lover. Doug’s sister wanted them to so they have two anniversaries now. The New York one and the Utah one.

I took Levon out for a Christmas Dinner Friday to also celebrate his getting his work permit and social security card. So things are slowly moving for him too. Still can’t find work yet so I gave him $20. When you have nothing $20 is a lot of money.

So what else is new? Oh Thursday Seth and Michael came over to watch a movie. I showed them Alfred Hitchcock’s The Rope and we started in on Making Love but they had to leave to go pick up Seth’s sister from the airport.

Today is Seth’s birthday and Michael is throwing him a surprise party, I made a Carrot cake. Gay marriage helped break two records.

Monday was the all-time high of selling booze at the State Liquor stores…$3 million worth in one day with 296,000 bottles sold! Also Monday broke the “all time high” of issuing marriage records in the state. Before it was like 85 licenses and Monday it was 350!

Well don’t know much more to write about. Won’t hear any from the Pride Center until next Board Meeting in late January and Equality Utah has shot themselves in the foot with including gender of choice language in their anti-discrimination bill allowing anyone to use whatever bathroom they feel like.

 It was pathetic seeing Equality Utah and the Pride Center trying to grab attention on the Marriage issue when it was Restoring Our Humanity that actually sponsored the lawsuit that was the essence of Judge Shelby’s ruling.

 In fact when Cares Frost approached Valerie Larabee with a fund-raising event for ROH…she said absolutely not and EU was just interested in anti-discrimination bills.

Best health and happiness for both of us in the new year.

 

29 December 2013 Sunday

Cranberry walnut French toast with pepper bacon and coffee for breakfast... the pups and I loved it...well they not so much the coffee... I think Lucky found his favorite spot... on the table lying on my sweater vest. Schnauzers are the perfect dogs for me... Fat, lazy, sassy, and adorable...

 

Yesterday Chuck Whyte was feeding the homeless youth again. Chuck Whyte amazes me... each Saturday he walks on his bad foot with a cane to the Pride Center to feed the homeless youth that come there for a hot breakfast...

I've known Chuck for over a quarter of a century and he's always been involved with feeding the poor whether it’s through the Cross Road Urban Center, or stocking the Utah AIDS Foundations pantry... he has earned every recognition given to him for a life time of service... look up the word Volunteer in the dictionary and you will see his picture... A life well lived for sure.

I went into the city to pick Levon Mirakyan up. He said he’d help me get my printer to work on my new laptop. I tried and just couldn’t do it. I had no clue...also had him fix the speakers on the computer...I told him they weren't working and he said you have to plug them in... Lol

After taking him back into the city I went over to Charles Frost to visit a little. His friend Chris from California is in town to help write the next Dottie Dixon play. Then came back home and just watched some movies.

 

30 December 2013 Monday

This morning I went to Wal-Mart to buy a water pick for my teeth. I used the card that I got last September so didn’t have to spend my own money. I also went to Deseret Industries and found a wooden rocking chair that I bought for 8 dollars.

Now that Utah has marriage equality I can retire and sit and rock and reminisce ... Best part I got it for $8 from Deseret Industries! Now instead of rocking the boat I can sit and rock Lucky ... I worked on putting away Christmas for this year.

I went out to Andy McDaniel’s new place this evening for a massage with Orin. First time I had a massage since last August when I hurt my leg.

 

31 December 2013 Tuesday

It seems like everybody is making split pea soup with left over Christmas Ham so why buck a trend so I made some too. I had that for lunch and in the afternoon went to the liquor store here on the Westside which was packed with lines 10 people deep at 4 pm...I bought some honey whiskey there to help out Seth Anderson and Mike Ferguson who want to come over tomorrow.

 

I then went and got some lemons so I can make hot toddies for them...I went to Deseret Industries and bought a few things today. I love looking through stuff and finding little treasures.

Well today is the last of the year. While others are going out I am staying home with my puppies, Daisy, Buddy, and Lucky. So ends an interesting year for sure.

This is Kyle’s new address for me to write to in the new year: Warren Foote CUCF # 187422 Box 550 Gunnison Utah 84634