Spring 2nd Quarter Journal 2013 April-June

 

APRIL

1 April 2013 Monday

Today is the First day of my Spring Break! I am glad I made a pot of beans from the ham broth...it's gonna be a corn bread and beans kind of day...

I guess I will head on down to the urgent care and get some anti-biotics since it’s kind of gloomy out this morning to work in the yard...I think the infection is behind the ear not in it... The doctor said it was an infection so I had to get some anti-biotics after all.

I Worked in the yard raking leaves and doing spring cleaning right  in the late afternoon  before the rain came. April showers right on cue. It was a much cooler day than yesterday and it rained in the evening. I watched Maurice in the evening. I had forgotten how beautiful that movie is.

 

2 April 2013 Tuesday

Today is my old cowboy crush, Buddy Huskey’s 64th birthday. I fell in love with him at 17 years old and he was 19. I have not seen him in over 45 years.

It rained during the night so fixed breakfast of pancakes and breakfast and paid some bills. I paid off Lowe’s and I sent $44 to Kyle Foote…I guess that’s a bill too.

I got a letter from Kyle today. He still hadn’t received the subscription so I called the Tribune up…what a joke no wonder no one subscribes anymore.

On the 29th he called me and said they had the wrong town and then I called and this guy said I had to fill out a  mail form and I said I wanted to speak to someone else and every one of them had an accent so who knows who I was speaking to.

I picked up Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson from the airport at 10:30 this morning and ferried them home safely. I gave some butch lace up boots and two Cowboy hats that belonged to Kyle Foote to them also.

At 1 in the afternoon, I met Charles Frost at Asian Isle for lunch and we talked for two hours … We had a heart talk… I told him that I had made a mistake thinking that the Center was a community center and not just a business. Felt good about our long talk.. I think things will calm down now.

Well I went and got lumber to build garden boxes for the front yard...Redwood is expensive $60 for six boards...but if they are gonna be in the ground and watered and snowed on they have to weather it... Amy Barry said she’d come over in about two weeks to help put them together.

 

3 April 2013 Wednesday

I had an encounter with a man from Park City who came down for sex…he was most unsatisfactory…too nervous to do anything. “Give me a homosexual who knows how to love in a homosexual way.”

I took Chuck Whyte to Chuck-a-Rama for lunch and it was a “kiddies free for all”...every family there must have had 5 kids under 10 running around... done with Chuck-a-Rama for a looooong time...

I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning dead leaves out of the flower garden... slowly making a dent in cleaning the backyard after a long hard winter! Easier to work in the yard with music...good to get down to soil, see the fat earthworms, and irises and lilies poking their heads out of the ground. Life is stirring again...

Okay I am officially tired. But the sun is still up so I guess I will put my shoes on and go dig a hole...I am going to move all the slate and flag stones up over the deck to the other side tomorrow...probably 500 lbs. of rock and stones but none weighs more than 15 lbs. so a lot of trips up the steps and down the steps...who needs a gym...just hope I don't drop dead before my 62nd birthday next week...

I feel as if I am on a chain gang...Farmer Ben is done for the night... Planted an apricot tree and a plum tree and hauled 7 stones over the hot tub lower deck so that's a start. Then sat on the upper deck and watch a magpie fuss with two robins high in my trees as I watched the sun sink slowly in the west...It was a beautiful sunset...Spring time in the Rockies

This is the letter I wrote to Kyle Foote.

 Dear Kyle, It’s been a little busy here since I last wrote you. We  had an Ostara Spring Faerie Celebration at the Pride Center on the 23rd and the dumb ass Pride Center doubled book our space with the Spicy Dinner men’s group… but it all worked out and well Salt lake City has been cleansed and energized with Faerie energy so let Spring commence.

There was about 25 people there chanting music with all ages were there, young faeries and of course me... the oldest person always at everything.  I called for the sprites of the direction of the South when we opened the circle. For novices it was good celebration. We had a pipe ceremony, Rocky got his runes blessed, a lot of Hindu chanting and singing...only Walt Larabee and Rocky and I were there from the olden days...

We raised a cone of power but not the way we did it when there were all men present LOL.  I held a Lilting Moon Circle event for male energy on the 30th of March because the full moon was the 28th.

Becky Moss and I will be talking at PFLAG on April 9 because Bill Poore’s sister, who is head of the SLC group asked us, because she heard so many good things about the SAGE event.

I guess you were glued to the TV like everyone else during the Supreme Court hearings. Everyone changed their face book picture to a red background with equality signs in pink. It was truly amazing. 

People are so stupid…Marriage is a legal contract NOT a religious sacrament ... No church EVER performs a marriage only weddings. A marriage license is issued by the state.

Gov Herbert supported Alan Osmond’s rally at the State Capitol but about 500 counter protestors showed up to out the straight marriage proponents 2-1.

I love the fact that all my friends are wild eyed radicals....good company to be in... Equality and freedom doesn't come from negotiations but by demanding it... down with petty tyrants who believe they have control over your one life.

It was announced that Charles Lynn Frost and Brandi Balken are this year's Dr Kristin Ries Community Service Award recipients. I think I broke the news on my Face book account but I don’t care what the center thinks.

Speaking of the Center they are moving in mid-April to their new building on 400 South across from the downtown library.

Charles Frost and I had lunch on April 2 and made up… we just needed time and distance to get over the hurt. Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson came over last week and I fed them cheese ravioli and watched some “Sordid Lives”. They had never seen it.  Seth is a vegetarian and I thought you were a pain with no Onions but I could slap on a pot roast and you were happy.  They went to Arizona for a few days to sell their Queen’s Tea.

I hope you had a nice Easter. I fixed a ham, deviled eggs, scalloped potatoes the whole bit. I had six people over. The only person you knew was Chuck Whyte.

Well its spring break, so I have been working in the yard. Gonna put garden planters in the front yard… about three 4X8 feet boxes. Amy Barry is coming over to help construct them. She says they are easy.

I have had the worse time with your Tribune subscription…no wonder Newspapers are dying. About a week after I subscribed for you… I get a call from them saying that that they had the wrong town…they wrote down Canyon NOT Gunnison…I had carefully told them all the information first time…idiots.. so I called yesterday to see if it was being delivered and  they said it would be 1-2 weeks from the 29thof of March instead of the 22nd when I ordered it.  She said all they needed was the inmate number and PO Box number… they didn’t want the housing unit… so I hope you are getting it soon. I paid $80 for 3 months and they better not count from the 22nd. Ugh

I filled out the visitation forms and I will leave it up to you. If you want to see me I will come down. I am not teaching summer school this year and there is only about 8 more weeks before school is out. I am going to unfriend your sister Jami Fultz on Face book just so she doesn’t have to deal with me unless she wants to text me.

I wish I would have kept all your important papers but it is what it is. I still have your plaque with your air force picture on it. It’s in the bedroom downstairs hanging on the wall with your framed knots…if I get a renter I will put them in the closet under the stairs where you put a light in for me. Until then it’s still your room.

I have moved those damn rocks about 5 times since I lived here. I guess one more won’t kill me. I bought an apricot tree and a plum tree I need to plant too. I will plant the apricot in the picnic area near the deck so I can just reach over and pick the fruit. The plum I am undecided.

I am glad you are thinking of a fresh start out of state. Hopefully a do over for you…although I would miss you. I will probably die in Utah because my roots are so deep here but you never know.  I am glad you are being more introspective… you once cried to me that you hated emotions because you couldn’t trust them…and I thought how odd because I only trust emotions… you didn’t want people to love you because you only hurt them… I hope one day you will stop pushing people away and allow them to love you.

I messengered Jesse Fruhwirth for your friend…this is what I wrote “Jesse my name is Ben Williams... your mention in an article called "Prison Divestment Campaign" sparked a request from a prisoner in Gunnison Correctional Facility if he could write you for more information and if you are willing to correspond with an inmate. Do you have a PO Box of any type he could write you. His name is David Busby and a mutual incarcerated soul we know Kyle Foote asked me to forward this request... Thank you”. 

He wrote back, Jesse Fruhwirth-“ What's he in for? I do have a PO Box he can send to but I don't have the details right now. If he's not violent, I'll just give you my home address that he can write to.” “I don't know David Busby... I can ask Kyle when I write him today... thanks!” Love you Ben

           

4 April 2013 Thursday

I am off to get my driver's license renewed this morning...I got a $2000 cataract eye surgery make over, my birth certificate from Texas, a new Social Security Card, a bank statement, and a utility statement. I better not go to the bathroom this morning they might want a urine sample LOL what's next a DNA data base?! Wish me luck... oh and my face is sunburned from yesterday ... lovely.

I went down this morning to renew my driver’s license at the Fairgrounds. I had made an appointment a while back and had all my documents so I was in and out of there in 20 minutes. It was not the horror story for me at least,  that it had been for others.

Well I moved about 300 lbs. of stones up and down the steps from one side of the yard to the other. ...Only about another 150 lbs. to go...

I am such a dirty boy now...but did make a fantastic meat loaf this morning...it’s a meal in itself... took 2 lbs. of hamburger, a package of dry onion soup, a cup of each chopped carrots, celery, red, yellow, and orange bell peppers, half an onion, an egg, a cup of oatmeal, and crushed crackers....then I squeezed the meat and squeezed until all mixed... but a bacon strip on top and last 15 min glazed with molasses, ketchup, Worcestershire and mustard.

I just had a slice...so moist...and what are you having for lunch? McDonalds? Hahahaha

I worked so hard today but had a restful evening sitting in the hot tub with Blair, this man I met on Craig’s List, soaking our cares away....He’s a Jack Mormon and married man with a ten year old daughter at Orchard elementary where I used to teach! What small world. He didn’t come over until 9 but stayed until 11 pm. He was sweet but probably a onetime thing. I made sure he left happy.

 

5 April 2013 Friday

It Rained really hard this morning and it was gloomy all day so I fixed some waffles and bacon for breakfast…I hadn’t had waffles in a while so that sounded good. Then Chuck Whyte needed a ride to the Cricket phone store on 21st and 7th to get his payments lowered.  He is finally getting some of the help he needs.

Back at the house Chevy came over about 1:00 to groom the dogs. I paid him $125 for all of them. Didn’t do much in the evening but watch movies. I got a letter from Kyle today asking for some help on his Salt Lake Community College transcripts.

             

6 April 2013 Saturday

I Had a productive morning in the back yard and a fun afternoon in Layton with Bill Poore. I took him to see his brother Ross and his nephew Kevin Poore at the book signing for their book “Blood Doctrine”. Afterwards Bill treated me to Famous Dave's BBQ and I had ribs... I felt like a real carnivore sucking the meat off the bones... Corn bread, coleslaw and fries... yummy...

I have no plans for the evening. Maybe I'll go to Priesthood tonight and see who I can pick up for a date before they all head off to the Jam, Trapp, or Metro. Twice a year I like to pretend to be a good Mormon boy..."Hold to the rod, my iron rod; 'Tis strong, and bright, and true."

 I did take a quiche over to Seth Anderson’s and Michael Ferguson’s during Priesthood session and next Saturday Todd Markham and Addison Rose are coming over for dinner and a movie. I will ask Seth and Michael to join if they can.

In the news Orrin Hatch, who has fought against Gay rights at every turn, now thinks Civil Unions might be okay for Gays if it preserves the term "marriage" for heteroes... Orrin, dumb ass, ever heard of “Plessy versus Ferguson”? This is not 1898 and the Supreme Court has declared separate but equal is unconstitutional!

 Seth Anderson wrote: Thank you Ben Williams for making me and Michael Adam Ferguson a quiche! I love quiche.... my Grandma Marge used to call it Qui-Chee.”

 

7 April 2013 Sunday

What for dinner? Perhaps a salad and left over quiche... I threw out a container of moldy strawberries because I didn't eat them fast enough... it’s hard to keep things fresh when cooking for one. The dogs usually help but not with the strawberries.

I spent the afternoon digging up irises and day lilies which I transplanted where I had my flag stones...The Plum tree is doing well but I think I bought a dud Apricot tree... too sad...

When I was done Buddy just came up to me while sitting on the red couch. When Buddy comes up to me and snuggles, his head into chest, we both just melt.

At the end of the day after all is said and done... with religion and politics...I am grateful for a hot shower...how fortunate and rich am I to be able to take a nice long hot shower and let the water wash all my cares away...

Spring Break is over and back to educating America's youth. At General Conference today, Boyd K Packer called being tolerant a trap! I wonder how much of senile old Packer’s ramblings will the LDS Church edit out when the conference goes online this time?

So that old man wants me to go straight? Well kiss the rainbow bitch...by all accounts by anyone who has dealt with this creep, he's a pompous mean spirited ass... Hie to Kolob! Go Now jackass..

 Jon Schild wrote me: When I got to know him as my mission president in 1965, he was indeed mean spirited, pompous and arrogant. It does not appear he has improved since then. He knows what he does. He knows he is a liar. He knows there haven't been thousands of young people who have given up the "temptation" of homosexual feelings. He knows that he has driven many of these young people to suicide. He knows, but he is so arrogant and self-righteous that he doesn't give a damn.”

             

8 April 2013 Monday

It was a rainy day, all day, and the streets are flooded...The kids at school were wild and no recesses. So at home I am relaxing now with a hot cup of Lady Gray Tea courtesy of the Queen's Tea and having an English Muffin in honor of Margaret Thatcher being dead! She was not a nice person...

Annette Funicello of the Mickey Mouse Club and all those Beach Party movies also died. She and Frankie Avalon certainly were teen idols in early 60’s. I remember dad forbidding us to go see Beach Party because he was so prudish so Jerry Smith and I walked to the Garden Grove Theater and saw it at a matinee anyway LOL.

My sister Charline Wachs added:  “I can remember coming home from school and watching her on the Mickey Mouse Club and then she did a few TV movies for Disney and then later did the Beach Blanket movies. I can remember it being said that she talked to Mr. Disney about wearing a bikini and he was said to have asked her not to show her belly button and she didn't.”

 

9 April  2013 Tuesday

Supposedly the South surrendered this day 148 years ago to the Army of the Republic and then the US let the traitors go home...should have hung every general and everyone in the Confederate Congress and government. Should have confiscated every slave owners land and divided it equally among the former slaves...should have disenfranchised anyone who took up arms against the United States for life and we would have had a different South today than the one that has Confederate memorial month and still incorporated the Confederate Battle Flag in their state flags...

Damn it was cold today barely above freezing with a cold wind coming out of Wyoming…brrr. I made plans for a substitute for tomorrow and when I came home I was super tied so took a nap after feeding the dogs and woke up at 6:30 just barely in time to get ready to go to PFLAG where Becky Moss and I spoke after the general meeting.

There were about 50 people there at the History Presentation. It was a good turn-out. One man drove from Logan and several from Ogden including this Lesbian couple. Marilyn Johnson and Tracy Faulkner who said they drove down specifically to hear me.

Boyd and Pat Jarvis were there, so was Ross Poore, and Janice Marcum another Poore relation ha! I told her I was the adopted brother.

There were these parents with their teenage son...

Becky and I were asked to speak on history to the Mormon Building Bridges group also... I told Becky we should take this act on the road LOL... Marilyn and Tracy asked if I’d speak at their Lesbian Group in Ogden the last Saturday in July. I said I would.

 

10 April 2013 Wednesday

Today is my 62nd birthday…amazing…each year is a wonder now. My kitchen would stay cleaner if I never learned to bake. I decided to make two Carrot Cakes one for Amy Barry who is coming over this Saturday to help me build planter boxes for the front yard and one for the party Saturday. I put them in the freezer once they were baked and will ice them Saturday. I also made an Apple Brown Betty for Doug Lott. I took it with me when I met Charles Frost for lunch.

I wore my dad's sunglasses and a $1 cool hat that I bought at the Dollar Tree. I met Charles Frost at the Garage On Beck Street during the lunch crowd. Lots of cute blue color working men there. Charles also bought me two pecan pralines from Gourmandie Bakery. We had a pretty good talk.

 I guess the Pride Center is moving next week to the building on 400 South across from the SLC Library while Charles will be in New York City touring Broadway shows.

 

I really didn’t do much today. Darren Solomon dropped some cupcakes off for me and said he’s coming over the weekend of the 20th to help cut some limbs down in the backyard.

I got a letter from Kyle today wishing me happy birthday. It was a good letter… so all in all it was a quiet birthday with lots of well wishes from friends and family on face book…

I spent much of the evening sending articles about AIDS in the 1990’s to Seth Anderson.

This is my Carrot Cake Recipe

Dry ingredients: 2cup flour, 2 tsp baking soda, 1 tsp baking powder, 1tsp salt, 2tsp cinnamon, 1 3/4 cup white sugar

Wet ingredients: 1 cup oil, 3 eggs, 1 tsp vanilla, (optional: 1/2 cup apple sauce for half oil or half buttermilk or half oil)

Fruit and Veggies: 2 cups shredded carrots, 1 cup flaked coconut, 1cup of crushed pineapple completely drained. Optional ½ cup Raisins, 1 cup chopped walnuts,

Directions: Mix by hand no electric beater until all moist Pour in 9 X 13 in pan bake 350 degrees for 45-50 min The center will sink a little allow to completely cool before frosting

Frosting: Cream Cheese 8 oz softened, 1/4 cup butter softened (a cube), 2 cups powder sugar Whip with electric beater until creamy

            This is the note Kyle Foote sent me:

 7 April 2013 Dear Ben, Happy Birthday! Hopefully this letter arrives in time so you don’t think I’ve forgotten your big day. I also sent you a little present I made for you today, but I doubt you’ll get that until after your birthday. They only let us send out property once a week on Sundays and it takes them a few days to process and get them in the mail. I hope it brings you a little joy and comfort in my absence.

 

11 April 2013 Thursday

Back to school and I was glad I missed yesterday because it was a faculty and data meeting. It Sounds like we will have splits next year with about 26 kids in the three 5th and 6th grade classes. I told Adele Arvidson the assistant Principal that I’d do the split. What do I care? A few more years and my teaching career will be over.

A huge part of the Kennecott Copper Mine collapsed in a landslide… amazing pictures. I gave Mike Romero a small carrot cake with cream cheese frosting when I took Coco home and then I went to the store to buy stuff for my classroom auction tomorrow.

Seth Anderson sent me a copy of his first draft to review. I was flattered that he used excerpts from my 1986 journal. I love this quote:  “I love everything that is old; old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wines.” ― Oliver Goldsmith, The Vicar of Wakefield.

             

12 April 2013 Friday

My dog diet is working...I make two buttered English muffins in the morning, and Coco, Buddy, and Daisy eat one and a half of them...then they insist on finishing off the milk in my cereal... Thank goodness they don't like coffee...

 

No one should be allowed to teach school who hasn't read Lord of the Flies... I stopped some kids running down the hall and Mrs. Bradbury  said good for you and I said Well I’ve read Lord of the Flies and it isn't pretty when kids are in control. She had no clue what I was referencing lol.

When I was home for the rest of the day I made 20 Chocolate Dipped strawberries which was so easy… then made my enchiladas sauce and rolled 30 tortillas filled with onions, red bell peppers, green chilies, black olives and cheese. I put them in the frig in the garage and will cook them tomorrow. My kitchen’s a mess... never trust a sparkly kitchen... mine is well worn... 17 years of lots of good meals...

 

13 April 2013 Saturday

Amy Barry came over with her power tools and knocked out two 8'x 4' redwood garden frames for my front yard in no time... whoo-hoo... It was much cooler today than expected only in the 40’s. I had to wear a Hoodie. The whole time she was using the power saw and drilling screws into the board I kept flashing back to Kyle Foote and us building things together. It Made me a little sad.

 I frosted her birthday carrot cake with cream cheese icing and put a chocolate dipped strawberry on top... Amy’s birthday I think is either Monday or Tuesday.

Most of the day however was spent cleaning the house vacuuming and mopping floors for tonight’s guests. I made an avocado salad, Spanish rice, as well as baked the enchiladas. I also went to the liquor store and bought 2 bottles of Sangria and some Bourbon Whiskey but actually we didn’t drink them because Todd and Addison brought margaritas and frozen fruit and made wonderful drinks.

Todd Markham and Addison Rose got here at 6:30 with Margaritas and a great artichoke- spinach dip. Seth Anderson  and Michael Ferguson soon followed and later a friend of theirs, Craig, came over to watch "Maurice". Craig said he had been to the house before but I don’t remember unless he was one of Kyle’s tricks. He was a fun guy and a movie buff. 

Anyway it was Todd’s birthday last Monday so it was a great excuse to have some people over for dinner and a movie... None of them had seen Maurice... can you believe that? Hugh Grant and James Wilby remind me so much of Michael and Seth.

Well the party ended about 11 and I think everyone had a good time. I know I did. Everyone was in their early 30’s so I was old enough to be everyone’s dad…

Seth and Michaels brought me some purple Daisies and a card that said Birthday queen with sparkly beads. I gave Michael my old hippy vest with many colors that was made in Central America.

 I notice that the Airport Traxx train opened today with free rides all day.

 

14 April 2013 Sunday

It was a Kind of lounge about day although I did start a new FB group called Films and Gays: Night, or FAG Night…LOL Face book wouldn’t let me use the word fag but this is even better ha! I invited Michael Ferguson, Seth Anderson, Addison Rose, Todd Markham, John Bonner, and Mark Sorenson to all become members of the group…I made dates every two weeks for a movie night.

 

At noon I took over to Chuck Whyte’s my front room computer that was hooked to the TV because his crashed…He’s stony broke right now and he needs one to job hunt…

It was a really cool day only in the 40’s so I didn’t do any yard work. It rained most of the day yesterday evening. It’s a really late spring hardly anything is blossoming or blooming.

Certainly felt like a day of rest today. Worked mostly catching up on my journal.

 

15 April 2013 Monday

The Only thing in the news is the explosions during the Boston Marathon…bombs went off at the finished line killing people and blowing off limbs and body parts of others. Horrible.

I gave Amy Barry a contact number for Jim Dabakis for her to arrange a meeting with her since she is running for city council from Sugar House.

I wrote Kyle Foote this letter:

Dear Kyle,  Sorry it has taken me so long to write back. I did get your birthday wishes on my birthday. It made the day all that more special.  I took the day off from work and stayed home.  I made two carrot cakes, one for Amy’s birthday and one for a kid named Todd Markham who with his partner came up last Saturday for dinner and a movie.

Charles Frost took me out for lunch at the Garage on Beck… this blue collar diner on north Beck Street where all these hunky working types eat.  So it was a nice birthday with lots of Face book birthday wishes.

I still haven’t received any packages from you yet so I will keep an eye out for it. I hope the Tribune is getting straightened out for you and that you are getting more than one issue even if it is delayed.  Between the TV, newspaper, and your friend’s City Weekly you are pretty much in touch with the world outside.

I messengered Jesse Furhwirth about your friend’s interest in the Prison move but haven’t heard back yet. I am not doing anything right now about the SLCC account but I will figure it out.

Last Saturday Amy came over and built me two planter boxes for the front yard. They are redwood and 4’ X 6’. It’s been too cold still to plant anything yet. In fact it snowed some today. The whole time she was using the buzz saw and putting the boards together with me helping, I kept thinking of you the whole time and was a little melancholy, missing you.

I have the visitation forms all filled out but haven’t sent them in yet. My new driver’s license hasn’t come yet and I wasn’t sure they would accept my temporary one. I got my license on the 4th of April so should be coming any time now.          

There wasn’t as much “to do” over Packer’s remarks. I think most people realize he’s a dinosaur and his words will be as forgotten as are Mark E Peterson and other bigots of the past. Just hope he dies before Monson, so his opinions don’t assume the status as “prophetic”. I wonder how much of the talk senile old Packer gave will be edited when the conference goes online this time? So that old man wants me to go straight? Well kiss the rainbow bitch...by all accounts by anyone who has dealt with this creep he's a pompous mean spirited ass... Hie to Kolob! Now jackass..

My friend Jon Schild said when he got to know him as his mission president in 1965, he was indeed mean spirited, pompous and arrogant. It does not appear he has improved since then. He knows what he does. He knows he is a liar. He knows there haven't been thousands of young people who have given up the "temptation" of homosexual feelings. He knows that he has driven many of these young people to suicide. He knows, but he is so arrogant and self-righteous that he doesn't give a damn.

It’s been rainy and cold up here for much of April although I did manage to pull up all the flag stones and move them across the deck next to the fire pit. My plum tree is leafing out but the apricot tree I think never took off and probably was dead when I bought it.

Well I am sure you heard Margaret Thatcher is dead may she rot in hell and then two sweet hearts Annette Funicello and Jonathan Winters have died. Annette was part of my childhood being in the Mickey Mouse Club and the Beach Party movies of the early 60’s. I remember dad forbidding us to go see Beach Party because he was so prudish so my best friend Jerry Smith and I walked to 3 miles to the Garden Grove Theater and saw it at a matinee anyway LOL.

I created a FB page to announce movie nights at the house. There’s about six guys who have been coming over on a regular basis every two weeks for dinner and a movie.  Saturday we watched “Maurice” and I had Enchiladas made. I also made chocolate dipped strawberries about 20 of them that I placed around the carrot cake. That was a hit.

Michael and Seth are regular but I had a new couple I had as FB friends but never met from Provo who came up Todd Markham and Addison Rose. A former roommate of Michael Ferguson named Craig came because he never seen Maurice and it was his favorite Forster book. He’s from West Valley and he said he had been to the house before but I didn’t recall ever meeting him. Cute kid though.

 We all had a good time and nice to have the house filled with young energy. They all were in their early 30’s and of course I’m old enough to be their mama. I named my FB site Films and Gays Night;  FAG night LOL. Only having young Gay men over for eduGaytion as Michael calls it.

Last Tuesday the 9th Becky Moss and I were guess speakers at a PFLAG meeting on Gay history although we mostly spoke about our own experiences… weird to think I am old enough now that my life experiences are talked about in terms of history.

In fact Seth Anderson, for a 25 page paper he has to do for college, wrote excerpts from my 1986 Journal that I had published on line for Affirmation.  So I am written up in a historical or hysterical context LOL.

Bob Henline says my blog is almost ready for me to start posting as soon as Michael Aaron gets his server up and running again.

There was about 50 people there at the History Presentation. It was a good turnout at PFLAG. One man drove from Logan and several from Ogden including this Lesbian couple. Marilyn and Tracy I knew from 25 years ago, who said they drove down specifically to hear me.

Boyd and Pat Jarvis was there, so was Ross Poore the brother of my friend Bill, whose book Blood Doctrine was just released as a fictional detective story of a Mormon Missionary killing a Gay man as part of Blood Atonement.

PFLAG’s president Janice Marcum is another Poore relation ha! I told her I was the adopted brother.

There were these parents with their teenage son also... Becky and I were asked to speak on history to the Mormon Building Bridges group... I told Becky we should take this act on the road LOL... Marilyn and Tracy asked if I’d speak at their Lesbian Group in Ogden the last Saturday in July. So it’s been good for me to get out and about.

Amy is definitely running for City Council from district three. I am setting up a meeting for her and this Gay guy from my district to meet with Jim Dabakis.  Amy said Greg Harden did her make-up for her head shots.

Sounds like I will teach a split class next year with about 26 kids in the combined 5th and 6th grade classes. What do I care? A few more years and my teaching career will be over.

A huge part of the Kennecott Copper Mine collapsed in a landslide… amazing pictures.

Charles and Doug and their entourage are off to New York this week for a Broadway Show extravaganza. I guess they will be gone a week.  Chuck Whyte’s still looking for work and he was so frustrated because his computer crashed just when he needed it to do his job search on line so I took the computer out of the front room that was hooked to the flat screen and ran it over to him to use.  I only had it for Hulu and Netflix and I rarely sit in the front room and watch TV anymore.

I lay in bed and use your Apple Mac to watch Netflix or Hulu or checking emails and FB.

I just heard on the news while typing this that two bombs went off at the Boston Marathon and at the JFK library there in Boston. Horrible news.

Well I’ve talked your ear off. Here’s a picture Charles took of me on my 62nd birthday while having lunch at the Garage on Beck.  Those are my dad’s sunglasses from the 1950’s! Love you more than you will ever know Ben

           

16 April 2013 Tuesday

This morning, while reading Face Book posts and email on Kyle’s Apple lap top, I accidently spilled some water onto the bed and some splashed on the laptop causing it to black out. I think I killed it…Funny how you can get used to something. I never thought I wanted a lap top but found I used it a lot like a TV in bed. I know it kept me away from doing a lot I should be doing.

Bill Romero called today and said Faye has slipped into a coma. It doesn’t look good. I texted Michael Romero that if he wants to see his mom in this life he better go home.

 

17 April 2013 Wednesday

Kyle Foote’s Apple computer’s screen monitor won’t come on. I am kind of depressed about losing a part of Kyle again. So many pictures on it probably lost.

Boston is shut down trying to find the marathon bombers…they have pictures of them now.

I made two quiches today and brought one over to Michael Ferguson’s place before heading over to the library. They said they were stressing over school.  Michael Adam Ferguson wrote me on Face book and said, “Hey! I'm just NOW catching up on FB messages. This semester is by far the most stressful semester of any in grad school yet, and it's taking its toll. I even got upset at Seth last night over something that it wasn't worth it to be upset over, and I feel bad about that today. Craig's last name is Nielson. He is a HUGE film buff and would definitely enjoy “edugaytion” nights. In fact, we should plan one for next week if you're up for it.”

I wrote back, “Darling I am way ahead if you...I started a FB group called Films and Gays: Night (FAG night) to keep abreast of movie night. April 27 Saturday “Plan 10 from Outer Space at 6:30  with a pizza night... Couples stress... Part of a relationship ... Tell him you love him and you are sorry that goes such a long way... My ex-wife and I use to say “I apologize for any real or imaginary offenses” lol it made us smile ... Do ya'll need a quiche? Sounds like too ya’ll are busy to cook... I can drop one off after Will Bagley's presentation at 7 or right before... Love you boys.”

 I went to Will Bagley’s presentation at the city library on the Mormon Handcart disaster. Bagley’s talk was sponsored by a group called Post-Mo’s…and I’d say nearly 200 people showed up. I saw that Ross Poore was there so we sat together during the lecture. The most revealing thing in the talk was how Brigham Young diverted oxen and wagons from saving people in the Willy Martin Hard cart disaster to bring his own supply wagons full of whisky and tobacco from where they were snowed in at Ft. Bridger.

Michael Ferguson left a message: “Damn---that is Good. I want you to teach me how to make quiche!”

 

18 April 2013 Thursday

I woke up to a sad message that Faye Romero had passed away during the night. She was like a mother in law to me the 17 years Mike and I were together.. a little country girl she was so kind hearted, loved animals, would feed the deer in the winter... She was one of those dear people whose only mark in the world was on the hearts of those who knew her... She was in such pain the past year so at least that is over...

I got a text message from Mike Romero saying that his mother died this morning at 3:30 a.m. Bill and Michelle were with her at the end. When Bill Romero called me about 7:30 and I could tell from the sound of his voice that he was on the verge of tears that is when I started crying. I tried not to be weepy at school but it was hard.

I donated $100 to Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson’s Queen’s Tea start up campaign. Then this evening as I was typing up the Governor, the Gang and the Ghoul to send to send to Ross Poore my computer crashed! And when I went to recover it ..the computer went back to factory condition and wiped everything clean. What a nightmare.

Joyce Romero, Mike’s sister in law wrote this about her mother-in-law: “I’m going to miss you Faye. I saw Jesus in you. I’m so sorry it took me so long to see him in you. He was always with you. I was just too self-absorbed. Thank you for being so compassionate and loving. I pray Gold will mold me to be like you. I so admired you. I wish I would have told you this. I wish I had more time to say I love you from all my heart. Please stay with me every day and remind me that people are so worth all my attention and love. You so did God’s honor!”

 

19 April 2013 Friday

I hate computer problems because I feel so helpless and useless... The laptop monitor won't come on even though the keyboard lights up so I think that it's toast and now my desk top crashed and the only way to save it was to revert to the original condition wiping it clean... Fortunately I keep an external hard drive back up but now I can't get the Internet back up and going ugh!

 

Mike Romero came over this evening and worked on getting my computer and internet back on line but all my old info is gone.  Mike did not go up to Rawlins. The roads have been closed from the storms we have been getting and he did not chance it. He said his sister Michelle had not been to work all week. His dad Bill and she took care of the death certificates and I guess Faye was an organ donor. They will cremate her in Cheyenne. Bill is talking about planting rose bushes with Faye and Nora’s remains with the dogs that have died.  Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson are off to Seattle for the weekend… ahh to be young and in love.

 

20 April 2013 Saturday

Well it's been a stressful week... First my laptop monitor fizzled... Then a dear friend in Rawlins WY died...then my desk top computer decided to crash too, wiping out everything I hadn't saved on my external hard drive.

Mike Romero couldn't get to Rawlins because all the roads are closed from a snow storm so he came and rebooted the desk top and reinstalled Internet connection. It's rainy today for the SLC marathon...

I am going to buy a tablet or iPad today... Mike and I headed out to CJ’s for breakfast before going down to the Apple Store in the Fashion Place Mall in Murray. We Got as far as 39 south and 9th east to try to get to CJ for breakfast located behind Iceberg... They closed the street and wouldn't let anyone cross...

We Had to go all the way back to 21st south over to State then down to 45 south zig zagging ... It took 1/2 hour and 12 miles to go through detours ... Next year move the marathon to the old frontage road off of I 80 down to 72 west then back down California rather than immobilize the entire east side... Ugh

So we didn’t get to the Apple store to reset my apple password until almost 11 in the morning and that was an ordeal in itself. But finally got it reset as Benedgar 51 at rocketmail.com and pass word 1633Fernleaf. I hope I can remember that.

Well from there we went to Wal-Mart because they did have mini iPad on sale $40 cheaper than anywhere else.  I Do hate shopping at Wal-Mart and rarely do.

It continued to rain for most of the day. Buddy and Daisy are zoned out on the bed as the rain comes down...I am looking out the window at a steady rain...we better get some May flowers out of these April showers...it's been such a late spring ..,

The Month is half over and my trees still haven't leafed out... It’s Still soup weather...

Good news for Mormons is that Mormon missionaries can now take the Frontrunner from Provo and catch Traxx to the airport! Might be worth riding Traxx to look at all the cuties going forth, out into the world, bright eyed and naive lol.

In the evening I had dinner at an Indochinese Vietnamese Bistro on 13th near the U of U before going to the Babcock Theater at the U to see “Spring Awakening” with the ever popular Bill Poore...

I ran into a cute theater student who remember me from a history project a few years ago... Young men are always impressed by me lol. I was not impressed with Spring Awakening, however.

 

21 April 2013 Sunday

Mike Romero and I went to Jim’s Restaurant at 106th to meet Randy Gile so he could show me how to work pages on the Mini pad I bought yesterday. We went out to Daybreak to Randy’s house  where he showed me how the Pages program works... Now if I could get the monitor screen on the Mac Pro to work I'd be ecstatic ...

In the evening Matt Uhl and Rocky O’Donovan came over to discuss the Beltane May Pole celebration. I agreed to be in charge of the Feast and be the Kitchen Queen. Matt told of some harrowing stories of being raped by a police officer years ago and of suing the Pride Center. I could hardly believe any of it.

 

22 April 2013 Monday

Richie Haven who was the opening act for Woodstock died.

 

23 April 2013 Tuesday

I got a letter from Kyle Foote today saying he’s been accepted to that correspondence school in Colorado

 

25 April 2013 Thursday

I am Getting over finally whatever was afflicting me... Well enough to work in the backyard when I come home from work for 45 min cleaning up the limbs and branches from a harsh winter... Then I am working on recovery what I lost when my computer crashed last week.

The weather is slowly starting to improve. Warming up. We had our last student engagement class for the year…whoopee and next year there will only be 4 meetings.

 When I came home from school I go out in the back yard and work for about 45 minutes raking the twigs and branches up and putting them piles. A little here a little there and its coming together.

Already undraped for the evening, the doorbell rings, then a firm knock so I put on my answering the door clothes and lo and behold two darling looking tall teenage boys were at the door... They said they were doing an Eagle Scout project gathering email addresses for the West Pointe community council... Of course I gave them my address... You would have too!

 

26 April 2013 Friday

Why do moronic Utah drivers think it’s okay to drive 60 mph in the passing lane next to a semi going the same speed and blocking 5 cars behind them who would like to drive at least the speed limit? Why are Utahns so stupid about the fact that if you are not passing stay to the right? Grrr…

We took our walking field trip to Bountiful Electric where the hunky Matt Youns gave a safety presentation. I go just to see his cute butt. This year, two of my boys dads actually worked for Bountiful Electric and one who was a lineman came to say hello. Good dad. Well another marker to show that time is ticking away for this school year.

 I finally mailed off a request to visit Kyle this summer in Gunnison. Whether I do or not it is now on record.

I had the BBQ Pulled pork I made in the crock pot last night for a sandwich for dinner with some store bought coleslaw.... Sounds dirty but delish! Amazing what a crock pot can do.... I Served the pork with a side of slaw and iced Lady Gray tea.

 

In the evening before going to bed I soaked in the hot tub because I was a little sore from raking up dead branches and twigs in the backyard but it’s starting to look tame again! Now to buy an electric mower tomorrow !

I need some yard fairies ... I love seeing things grow and come alive again after a long winter nap...

 

27 April 2013 Saturday

It was Such a busy day… I took Chuck Whyte out for breakfast at CJ’s since I hadn’t heard from him in a while. Nothing has changed much with him. Still can’t find work but still playing on the Sex lines..Adam4Adams…Mister .. and the rest. I told him I am taking a break from sex. At 62 its time to reconsider priorities I think.

After a nice breakfast, I took him home and then went lawn mower hunting. I went to Sears first to price their electric mowers and Lowes was a better deal for more AMPS but after returning the dead Apricot tree Lowes on 13th South, they didn’t have any more mowers! So I went up to Bountiful and they were out too of the one I wanted but I decided to buy a mower there anyway. It was a brand I hadn’t heard of called Green Works.

So after putting it together which was surprisingly easy even for me, I mowed my lawns. I dragged the planter boxes that Amy built for me into the backyard after realizing that with the fruit trees gone out of the southwest corner,  there was plenty of sunshine to grow a garden there!

So I spent my afternoon mowing and replanting some perennials. My sister Charline said it was the farmer in us. Probably true.

So after that, in the late afternoon I got ready for my FAG night. Films and Gays… I was a little worried because no one had really confirmed but at 5:00 Seth did. I bought a Papa Murphy black olive and spinach pizza and doctored it up with roasted red bell peppers. I made a spring salad with strawberries and greens. I cooked up the cookies they brought me last time for dessert.

So about 6:45 they came over followed by John Bonner. I gave Seth and Michael a jar of homemade granola I made and bought some more Lady Earl Tea from them. They also gave me some blue tea from the Women’s Literary Society Tea function they were too this afternoon.

I also gave Seth, Michael, and John my three Faerie wands I had all these years that I had bought at Arsenic and Old Lace in Cambridge, Massachusetts on one of one of my many trips to Boston more than 20 years ago. I want them to have some magick in their lives.

Well we ate out on the deck…gorgeous day… and then about 8:00 we went into the theater room to watch “Plan 10 from Outer Space”. Michael and Seth at first said wait a minute,  and I found them outside beneath the deck smoking pot. I said get in the house…you don’t have to smoke your pot outside…I burn more incense then what pot smells like. Besides I took a couple of tokes myself…the first time in nearly 20 years too!

Well Plan 10 was hilarious and I hadn’t seen it myself in years and years! Fun to see the old Salt Lake City which has changed over the last 20 years.  John left during it…I think he had other places to be…but Michael and Seth stayed and wanted to see something else so since we were in a Faerie Mood we watch “Were the World Mine”…which they had never seen either. They loved it and I think touched their sweet faerie hearts.

 

Well it was nearly 11:30 before we all said our goodbyes. Michael said the house feels like a home to him and Seth.  I hope so. Sweet ending to a very productive day ....my faerie wands found good homes...time for another generation to find their magick... Good night Salt Lake City crossroads of the West!

 

28 April 2013 Sunday

Darren Solomon came over about noon to help cut some branches down in the backyard. I thought he was going to bring a chain saw but he brought this electric saw instead. We cut up a few things but what I really needed doing, the electric saw wasn’t going to cut it.

So I sat with him a little and visited. His home life sounded a mess with five adults living in that little house in West Valley with four dogs with not much of a yard. Well I visited as long as I could and then Seth and Michael texted and wanted me to come over and see their new sign at The Gelato Store at 9th and 9th.

It was fun visiting with the boys and seeing how proud they are of their new venture.  It was a good excuse to say goodbye to Darren.

I made this Orange Chicken recipe later in the day and let it cooked for several hours… I added red and green peppers for color and texture also added 1/2 tsp of ground ginger and instead of salt replaced it with garlic salt along with the orange concentrate. It Smells heavenly but I am still cooking in the crock pot ... Should be great with rice tomorrow.

 

29 April 2013 Monday

Charles Frost asked if I needed any help with Beltane. I wrote back “I think Rocky has the celebration under control but might ask if he needs decorating the maypole... If you want you can bring something for the feast...rocky says there will be about 30 there you could help arrange the tables... I have faerie scarves to use as table cloths...asking people bring enough to serve about 10 people... I am making a huge pasta salad and will gather up other dishes too like bread and dessert of some type.”

Bill Poore wrote me: “Why do the Dykes and Transgenders need their own parade? Isn’t that what fucking LGBTQ is for? I told Niki when I ran into her in Smiths that since coming back from California, I was shocked how divided the community really is. They seem to be working against each other, not for each other.

I said why don't you sit down and really talk to the senior gay men. I think you will get an ear full. I mean an honest conversation.

I responded, “You know my feelings about Dykes and Trannys screaming bloody murder if only Gay men had a parade... Nikki has smoked so much dope she is just a prop for Valerie.”

Bill Poore went on saying: She was at a fund raiser for the theatre department Sunday. It was a Packed theatre, great show. She keeps showing up in my life. I ran into one of my former student who graduates Friday. He told me, my classes he took from me, completely changed his career choice. He just formed his own production company, has a group of writers, and film makers. I mean it was really weird standing there looking this kid in the eye, one of the smartest young men I have ever known as he told me I changed his life, sort of made my day. You just don't know the power I have Ben.” I responded “You have magick ...”

 

Everyone is making a fuss over this James Collins NBA player for coming out of the closet. Maybe I am missing something but wasn't Jazz player John Amaechi the first NBA player to come out as Gay? And was a Grand Marshal in SLC's Gay Pride parade?

I saw this today: The Utah Pride Festival is honored to present this year's Dr. Kristen Ries award to two outstanding individuals who have served the LGBTQ community for many years: Brandie Balken & Charles Lynn Frost.”

Brandie Balken wrote: "When you look at who has received this prestigious award - and acknowledge the woman it is named after - it is a profound honor. This is truly an inspiration to me: pushing me to do more, be more effective, get more done, in the hopes of deserving this award."

Brandie is currently the Executive Director at Equality Utah and has participated in the fight for equal rights in Utah for many years. Her leadership and compassion towards the LGBTQ community has been a vital part of shaping her career. Before taking the position at Equality Utah, Brandie served on the Utah Pride Center's Board of Directors and was a facilitator for the Inclusion Center for Community and Justice.

This is what they wrote about Charles Frost “Charles believes that Utah is one of the vital frontlines for the equal rights movement and had been dedicated to that fight since the beginning. Charles has exemplified leadership, compassion, and courage everyday as he advocates for the full right and equality of the LGBTQ community in Utah. As the Director of Community Engagement & Awareness at Utah Pride, Charles also engages in other social roles including actor, activist, playwright, husband, and friend. Some of his accolades for his activism and community involvement include igniting the SAGE Program at Utah Pride and performing works that address social issues like AIDS, LGBTQ acceptance, suicide prevention and family preservation. Charles has won the Governor's and Mayor's awards for Outstanding Arts Educator as well as Performing Artist of the Year.”

The Pete Suazo Political Action Award was Established in 2002 in honor of Senator Pete Suazo's tireless attempts to pass Hate Crimes legislation in Utah, paired with his continual efforts to remind the Utah State Legislature of the great diversity found in our state. This award is presented to an elected Utah official who has demonstrated an exceptional commitment to equal rights for the LGBTQ community of Utah through legislation, policy or declaration. The Utah Pride Festival is pleased to honor Representative Rebecca Chavez-Houck with this award.

Representative Chavez-Houck currently represents House District 24 in the Utah State Legislature. She has made it her duty to ensure that legislation is fair and benefits the entire community. She has served on numerous boards over the year as well as being a long-time community activist.  "I am very thankful to Utah Pride for this honor; it means so much to me," Representative Chavez-Houck said. All LGBTQ citizens of Utah, whether they live in her district or not, are lucky to have an advocate for equal rights like Representative Rebecca Chavez-Houck.

Local Hero Award: Each year, the Utah Pride Festival Steering Committee chooses a community member who has exhibited exceptional service, support, and dedication to the LGBTQ community in Utah. This year, the Utah Pride Festival is ecstatic to honor Jackson Carter with the 2013 Local Hero Award. Jackson is known for his work with Ogden OUTreach as well as being the first openly gay contestant on the latest season of The Biggest Loser where he lost a total 98 pounds! "My experience on The Biggest Loser has been 100% positive," Jackson says. He hopes to spread his message about his new, healthy lifestyle to inspire LGBTQ youth to embrace and love who they are.

Jackson has served as a board member for Ogden OUTreach for 6 years and has taken an active role in encouraging LGBTQ youth to achieve happier, healthier lives. Says Jackson, "Coming out is a life-long process. You must be comfortable with you are."

 

30 April 2013 Tuesday

Last day of a wet, cold and dreary month. April was rough on all my technology and me…I had that diarrhea for almost two weeks.  Thinking the worse, I thought I may have become HIV positive or worse. Nope.

 

MAY

1 May 2013 Wednesday

Today is May Day. I went in early this morning for meeting with Mrs. Beck to see what's going to happen for next year.  I guess I'll be teaching sixth-grade. Well I am kind of glad to be moving away from fifth grade from all the things that are associated with it, like the “I Can Do Dance”, and “Utah Writes” etc. It’s probably time for move on especially since I only have a few Years left.

Anyway got a letter from Kyle Foote and I also got his package that contained a queen size Afghan. It was a pretty blue color with some light purple and lavender and pink.  It was sweet of him and he sent me a Mother's Day card too, a homemade one. He called me his mother.  That will sway me.

He also needs some money to get his transcripts from SLCC. They won’t release them unless he pays nearly $400 in tuition. Since it's going for schooling, that I don't mind. I wrote them a letter back telling him that I will help him out.

What else is going on? I have a fairy thing this Saturday. I guess I better start thinking about what I'm bringing for the feast. I haven’t heard from anyone else.  I finish my story about “the Governor, the Gang, and the Ghoul” finally.  I'm glad for that. It took several days to reconstruct. It’s about Mormons nearly castrating the Utah Territorial Governor, the gang of Danites that did it, and the grave robber in the city cemetery.

It was really cold today unusually cold for May 1 it snowed in some places but not where I am just kind of cold day be glad to be out of work back in the yard.

I wrote Kyle a letter.

Dear Kyle, I got your package today and was I ever surprised. The blanket is beautiful and nearly matches in color my Aunt Beulah’s. I know that took a lot of work and I thank you for it.

I checked back into your account and yes I forgot to put money in your account at the beginning of April. Sorry… but I put $50 in on the 30th of April for the month of May.

I also got your Mother’s Day Card.  It did make me smile and brought joy to my heart. I wish you were here for me to hug.

I can help out with your Military Transcript Order Form and I will pay off your SLCC balance. The paper you sent had $368.80 written in ink but the Statement Account says $893.60. Will they send you a corrected statement with the $368.80?  

I am not sure how to send copies of your CLEP to Adams. You will have to give me more information about that.   

You should have received notification by now or soon about my visitation request. I sent that all in last week. So hopefully I will be approved and come visit you this summer.

I am not sure what is wrong with your computer all I know the computer screen doesn’t come on. I don’t think anything is lost on it just can’t access it. I will take it in some day and see what it will cost to fix but neither one of us needs it now.

I saved your photo album. I have that here as well as things from your mission and your air force plaque. They are all down stairs in your bedroom. I also saved many of your pictures off of the Mac on to my external hard drive.

I bought a mini-iPad which is just idea for what I use it for in bed or in the front room. Mike was able to get the desk top up but anything I hadn’t backed up on my external hard drive I lost.

I also got a new iPhone because the old one was having problems with my passwords and it was a mess so I still have the same phone number 801 505 3459 but I have a 4G with Siri so I can record people and it puts it into text form. I got a fuchsia colored case and the cute sales guy asked are you sure you want a pink cover and said it’s not pink it’s fuchsia.

I’m getting over finally whatever was afflicting me... I am well enough to work in the backyard when I come home from work for 45 min cleaning up the limbs and branches from a harsh winter... I rake the twigs and branches up and putting them piles. A little here a little there and its coming together.

Then I work on recovery what I lost when my computer crashed last week.

The weather is slowly starting to improve. Warming up except for today it’s colder than a witch’s tit. Even snowed in some places.

Last Saturday I took Chuck Whyte out for breakfast at CJ’s and then went lawn mower hunting. I went to Sears first to price their electric mowers and Lowes was a better deal for more AMPS, but after returning the dead Apricot tree, Lowes didn’t have anymore! So no apricot tree this year.

I even went up to the Bountiful Lowes and they were out too, so I decided to buy another brand mower there. A brand I hadn’t heard of called Green Works. It was about $200.  So after putting it together which was surprisingly easy even for me I mowed my lawns.

I also dragged the planter boxes that Amy Barry built for me into the backyard after realizing that with the fruit trees gone out of the southwest corner there was plenty of sunshine to grow a garden there!

So I spent my afternoon mowing and replanting some perennials. My sister Charline said it was the farmer in us that makes us want to grow things. Probably true.

After that in the late afternoon I got ready for my FAG night. “Films and Gays”… I bought a Papa Murphy black olive and spinach pizza and doctored it up with roasted red bell peppers. I also made a spring salad with strawberries and greens.

I cooked up the Ruby Snaps cookie dough Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson  brought me for my birthday last time they were here, for dessert.  Ruby Snaps use to be Dough Girl until Pillsbury threatened to sue LOL….

When they came over I gave Seth and Michael a jar of homemade granola and bought some more Lady Earl Tea from them. They also gave me some Blue Tea they had made for SLC Women’s Literary Society Tea function. I then gave Seth, Michael, and John Bonner my three Faerie wands I had all these years that I had bought at Arsenic and Old Lace in Cambridge, Massachusetts on one of one of my many trips to Boston more than 20 years ago. I wanted them to have some magick in their lives. "Bib bidi-Bob bidi-Boo! "

We ate out on the deck…gorgeous day… and then about 8:00 we went into the theater room to watch “Plan 10 from Outer Space”. It’s an old cult movie made by Trent Harris in Salt Lake City in the 1980’s about Kolob being a planet of space aliens which contacted the Mormons. It was hilarious and I hadn’t seen it myself in years and years! Fun to see the old Salt Lake City which has changed so much over the last 20 years.

 

            John Bonner left during it…I think he had other places to be or a trick…but Michael and Seth stayed and wanted to see something else so since we were in a Faerie Mood we watch “Were the Word Mine”…which they had never seen. They loved it and I think touched their sweet faerie hearts.  I think my faerie wands found good homes...time for another generation to find their magick...

This coming Saturday we are going up City Creek Canyon on the loop and celebrating Beltane (May Day) by erecting a maypole and dancing around it with ribbons. There will be about 30 there… lots of young Faeries. I talked Charles Frost into going and sitting with me because I am the Kitchen Queen in charge of the feast. I am too old to be prancing and skipping any way but it is fun to watch the boys.

Well I will close now and do what I can to get you back in school.  I hope you know I love you. You found your way into this old Mama bear’s heart circle.  For better or worse you are also my family… my crazy kid. I love you always Ben

PS your signature looks like an N is that for Nancy Boy?

 

2 May 2013 Thursday

I baked Banana Bread with a rum sauce for Beltane this evening as well as worked on faerie hats for Seth, Michael, and me. I had gone to the dollar store and bought these fedora hats and silk flowers and I used a glue gun to stick the flowers around the brim of the hat. That’s what I did all night…

I Mailed off Kyle Foote’s letter today.

 Charles is pushing for me to reschedule my FAG Night because it conflicts with his SAGE Spring Pot Luck so I guess I will, to keep him happy. Mending fences.

I have done an abomination before The Lord! I just finished off a plate of fried shrimp for dinner! Well since I am going to hell now maybe I will just keep on doing man on man love... After all to the Lord isn't sodomy comparable to having a shrimp cocktail.

 

3 May 2013 Friday

It was an Easy day at school. I just had the kids watch “James and the Giant Peach” which I think is a very creepy movie by the way. We did some more rehearsals for The Ghost of Plymouth Castle play.

I had to separate the kids into two classes for 6th Grade next year. I made sure I didn’t get the ones who drove me crazy this year.

At home I spent the evening listening to ABBA on Pandora and making a “Pansy Pasta Salad” and a Greek 7 Layer Dip….The Salad had color rotini noodles, green, orange and red bell peppers, a red onion, green onion, kidney beans, black olives and parsley. I marinade it all in Italian Dressing.

The 7 dip Greek salad is cream cheese mixed with lemon juice, layered with humus, cucumbers, tomatoes, green onions, Greek olives, and feta cheese. I am also bringing Irish Soda Bread, Rum Banana Bread, raw veggies, fruit punch as well as the pasta salad, and the Greek dip. It’s a lot of work being the kitchen queen.

 

4 May 2013 Saturday

I woke up early to gather things for the Beltane May Belle ritual out at the Pavilion above City Creek Canyon. I didn’t want to make two trips. Besides the food, Rocky O’Donovan wanted me to bring a folding chair, an extension cord, and a shovel.

I wore the same outfit as I did to Charles SAGE Garden Party last year but with the straw fedora I had decorated with silk flowers.

Well I got there about 9:30 in the morning, it was just Mat Uhl and Rocky there. Typical…They were setting up the altar and the thrones while I set up the feast over in the covered pavilion. It was a gorgeous day! Couldn’t ask for a better one…we over looked the Capitol and the valley below.

About 10:15 others began to arrive even though it started at 10…some not coming until nearly 11:00 which is when the ceremony really began.

In attendance was a sweet dyke named Nicole Elmer aka Baby Bear, Travis Hill a young man all decked out in hippie attire, Walter Larabee aka Mariposa came with his ride Johnny “Disco” Harris.  Johnny brought his beautiful, sweet dog Kilo too and was part of our circle. Walter was all decked out as peter pan… a very old frail Peter Pan. Although he changed costumes all through the ceremony finally to a bright yellow summer frock.

Michael “Ambrosia” Ferguson and sweetheart Seth Anderson came decked in faerie wings and painted as faeries from “Were the World Mine”. Beautiful men and souls.

John Bonner came with a very tall dark and handsome man named Mark. I Didn’t get his last name. He wasn’t in faerie drag and neither was John but that is okay…

Brother John Crapeau came but was rather stand offish like he needed to be with us but didn’t want to participate either.

Charles Frost attended with tie dye and was there to kind of observe and was not sure what to make of it. His comment was that Rocky and Mat were two queens fighting to be in charge.

Kent Phylisbina Scadlock was there and I gave him a Faerie scarf to wear… He said that Chuck Copeland was in the ER with a lot of pain. Doctors said he had pancreatic cancer poor fellow.

 Our virgin queen was Cartel Chameleon  a remarkable faerie drag queen. I did not know her real name and that is just as well. Queens are ephemeral.

This fellow named Allen Miller also came for a short while but had to leave for a meeting. He came alone so I introduced myself to him and he said “You’re Ben Williams! And I said yes and he said, “is it true you told Valerie off?” I laughed and asked is that getting around? He said, “good for you”. I told him that I made her cry more than telling her off. I said she was upset that both Becky and I thought it inappropriate that she should have gotten the Kristen Ries Award last year.

Miller is on the Board of Directors of the Center and he can’t stand her. He said she hates men.  Well at least strong men…not beta males like Jon Jepsen.

There were 16 people there by my count but Mat and Rocky says there were 18. I don’t know who they could have been. Anyway we opened the Circle. Connell the Barbarian did the center, Mat “Sedusa” Uhl did the North, Johnny Disco did the East, I did the south and “Ambrosia” did the west. It was Michael Ferguson’s first evocation and it was strong and powerful and full of queer energy.

We called upon spirits and gods of old…I called upon Sirius saying that dog is god spelled backwards and dogs teach us to be godlike, loyal forgiving, compassionate, playful.

 

At the circle ceremony “Babs” had the volunteers who were to be the Stag King draw from sacred corn bread pieces and the one with the scorched one became the king.

Johnny Disco, Kilo, Travis, and Baby Bear all volunteered with Baby Bear selecting the scorched piece. Some of the circle ate the other pieces breaking bits off. Corn and Grain all that falls shall rise again.

So Cartel Chameleon   our beautiful Virgin May Queen and Baby Bear were faerie anointed by Sedusa and took their place on their thrones to reign until May do cometh again.

From there Babs the Barbarian led us in a snake procession holding on to hankies… Charles “May Baby” Frost making a funny snide remark saying “here Ben I will trade you because I know you don’t like the red hanky”… I said yes I prefer Blue… those who know the old hanky code dark blue was for anal sex and light blue for oral sex. Red was for fisting.

So we wound around the parking lot playing bumper cars and hoping Mariposa and Babs would sashay to the May Pole before either one dropped dead. There the younger pixies dragged the 14 foot pole, minus of couple of feet thanks to Sedusa who accidently broke pieces off, over to the hole… where it was decorated with purple and pink streamers and one green one for the Stag Queen.

Babs the Barbarian taught the May Pole dance song. “With Garland gay we bring you here around this pole we dance.” Queen Cartel Chameleon   was the center and was gently and securely tied to the May Pole. It was a sight to behold.

After the freeing of the May Queen from her being one with the pole we gathered over to the pavilion for feasting and respite. Food was ample… all “Veggie Terry” but not necessarily Vegan… Sedusa read the Tarot to some… Babs was exhausted. I did my Gayflower thing…eat, eat… Ambrosia and Seth danced… the pot peace pipe was passed…which I unintentionally sacrificed to the sprites of the woods… mischievous imps… When I was cleaning off the table I didn’t see that Babs had left his pipe there and It fell on the ground and broke.

“faeries then began to flit away… Faeries Away Fetch me that Flower Up and Down We will lead them Up and Down!

            So we weary Pillars did what Mother Faeries do… we cleaned up, packed up, weary but soul glad and merry.  We hauled the May Pole upon Sedusa’s powder blue conveyance like a mighty phallus charging afore…upon arriving at his abode, he attracted another Faerie soul who loved the May Pole.  Magick is afoot. Adieu until Mid-Summer Eve…

            The rest of the day was fairly anti-climactic…I talked to Charles on the phone a little. He said that Allen and he talked a little bit and so many people, money people (which means influence) hate Valerie and she hates them. I think they moved into a money pit with that new building. They moved in before they walls were even painted.

Chuck Whyte says there is a gaudy flag hanging from the side…I said what do you want from Dykes running the show. Only Gays have glamour.

            So after catching up on my shows on Hulu I went to bed about 10 pm.

 

5 My 2013 Sunday Cinco de Mayo

Buddy has a weird sense of humor... He scratches at the bedroom door and then when I let him in he runs down the hall out the kitchen doggie door and then scratches at the door to be let in again! Then he thinks it’s funny to pee in my crocs and watch me put my foot in them... I wish he'd stop laughing... It's not funny.

I spent most of the day just cleaning and straightening the house and vacuuming. The place was messy from not doing anything around the house on Saturday. It was a Gorgeous day for not doing anything. 

Michael Ferguson texted me back and forth while Seth worked on his final paper. He was really feeling frustrated. Feeling neglected by Seth. Tried to be sympathetic said that maybe he is just under a lot of pressure. Tried to let him know I am there for both of them. I told him that Gay men need other Gay men to talk to because only other Gay men can relate to being testosterone driven lovesick tender fools. We live for passion burning bright but it’s the glowing embers of true love that sustains us.

 

6 May 2013 Monday

Back to work and it’s a much cooler day. I left my reading glasses home and so while Mrs. Jaspersen watched the kids I ran over to Smith’s and bought another pair just to leave at school in case I ever do this again. I can’t read the computer screen or grade papers without them.

We mostly practiced the Ghost of Plymouth Castle because we are putting it on this week.

At home the winds came up signaling a change in the weather. When I took Coco home I gave Michael Romero the rest of the fajitas I made yesterday and asked him to burn a copy of the movie “Stonewall” for me.

Amy Barry met with Jim Dabakis today because she is running for a city council seat and she asked if I’d get her Weston Clark’s email address too.  I taught Weston’s sister like my 2nd year at Orchard and knew his mom when she was an aid there for years.

Then I sat down to figure out how to get into Kyle Foote’s SLCC account so I could pay his back tuition. I Had to do some searching through old journals to find passwords. His is “wfoote” and I had to change his password to an 8 letter password with numbers so I came up with “prison79” LOL. Any way that was $390.

I have to fax another form to get his CLEP tests from the Military but I will have to do that after I come back to school on Wednesday. I am taking tomorrow off for my doctor’s appointment.

This morning I wrote sweet Michael “Ambrosia” Ferguson saying: “Hope you are having a better day and he replied, “Hi! I am, indeed, largely because of feeling not alone and feeling HEARD. Thank you for those gifts.”

 

I responded “The magick is within you. I just reflect your own voice.” He wrote back “You are WONDERFUL! Just thinking about you.”  I then wrote: “Feelings mutual kiddo.”

I wrote Kyle Foote this letter:

Dear Kyle, Hope you are well and being productive. Just  a quick note to let you know your SLCC tuition balance has been paid. I had to go in and change your password because it had expired… I had to read through my old journals to find your old passwords… You are a pain in the ass. It’s a good thing I love you.

The military transcript form is filled out but I need to take it to school and have it faxed from there. I have taken tomorrow off to go to my doctors for a checkup so it will be Wednesday before I can take care of that but still faster than mailing I suppose.

I have your Afghan on my bed as a bed spread. It’s so pretty.  I am feeling pretty good considering half my friends have serious health illnesses. I am grateful that for my age I am in relatively good health and can still dance and prance.

I bought a new electric lawn mower at Lowes and I managed to clean up the back yard of all the fallen branches by myself.  Just went out every day after work and made little piles and snapped them into sizes that could go in the bins.

Having some guys over this weekend for FAG Night to watch Luciano Visconti’s The Damned.  Todd Markham and Addison Rose. Do you know them?. They are a cute young couple from Utah County.

Charles Frost’s SAGE Spring Pot Luck is this Saturday too so will go to that and then head to the house to watch the film. It’s about the rise of Fascism in Nazi German by the corrupt  Krupp Steel magnate. It has the most intense portrayal of the Night of the Long Knives when Hitler eliminated the homosexual Brown Shirters that brought him to power.

The hounds are good… but Buddy is driving me nuts. Buddy has a weird sense of humor... He scratches at the bedroom door and then when I let him in he runs down the hall out the kitchen doggie door and then scratches at the door to be let in again! Then he thinks it’s funny to pee in my crocs and watch me put my foot in them... I wish he'd stop laughing... It's not funny.

Last week was busy. I cooked for two days for the May Pole Festival. I was designated Kitchen Queen so I made a huge pot of Pasta Salad, a 7 layer Greek Dip, Homemade Roasted Red Pepper Hummus, two loaves of banana bread soaked in rum. But the day was super fun.

 I also was making Seth and Michael faerie wreaths, as well as Fedoras decorated with silk flowers for May Day. The rest of the day was fairly anti-climactic…

I talked to Charles on the phone a little. He said that Allen Miller and he talked a little bit and so many people, money people (which means influence) hate Valerie and she hates them. I think they moved into a money pit with that new building. They moved in before they walls were even painted. Chuck Whyte says there is a gaudy flag hanging from the side…I said what do you want from Dykes running the show. Only Gays have glamour.

Seth and Michael were so cute they went and bought Faerie Wings for the Festival! Love Ben

 

7 May 2013 Tuesday

I went to Dr. Stoneburner this morning and got right in so unusual for him. I weighed in at 246 pounds… Yay! But my blood Sugars were really bad. It was about 10.  Dr. Stoneburner was not happy. I have to see this diabetic specialist this Friday to get some help. And I have to give myself shots twice a day from now on. I did get my testosterone shot today and had a prostate examination. Actually everything else was so good that when I go in to see him in August I don’t have to do any of my other labs. If I didn't have diabetes I'd be in perfect health...lol but the blood sugars are way out of whack again so back to pin pricking the digits again.

I took Chuck Whyte out for lunch and we went to the Panda Buffet on North Temple. For the two of us, it’s only $16 for lunch, pretty reasonable.

Later while buying flowers at Smith Market Place I saw Walt Larabee and gave him a ride to this fabric shop. He was looking for fabric for coronation.

At home I mowed the front yard, potted some plants for the deck and am getting my veggie garden ready to plant when the Rains came... It started to Thunder about 5 pm and the rains came. Daisy is hiding out in the bathtub and Buddy under my arm... Little thunder and they become little sissies.

Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson went to Michael Aaron’s Fabby Awards and 10th Anniversary. They had given some Queen Tea in Swag Bags so they went for free. Michael Aaron didn’t offer me a ticket although I have written for him free longer than anyone else. Oh well I’d just as soon stay home with the dogs and snuggled in with them.

I wrote Connell “Hey Babs, does Friday the 24th of May work for you to have a Full Moon Heart Circle and Midsummer Eve planning circle? I can host and if that works for you let me know and I will announce it on the Tribe site. Your ideas are visionary...” Connell O'Donovan wrote back “YES!!! And thank you. That means a lot to me...

Mat Uhl wrote me: “When might u think would be good a time to have a circle, as u have graciously offered ur home? A weekend since u still have school nights...also did u add Craig to the list...I am sorry i didn’t ask him to join, as he asked to be added to the "list" and that’s the only one I am aware of...he was very enthusiastic and excited and don’t want to let him down...if u know how to contact him u could let him know.

Also, please know that I am not trying to thwart Connells enthusiasm or plans, but my intention was the very thing you mentioned, trying to empower ownership to the group...and I hope no one feels I am trying to be a control queen...something I don’t desire, but putting forth energy to hold the embryo into a stable group.

I know that because of my past, success and control top energy sometimes I can come across threatening...it’s not my heart, rather old defense mechanisms...and ask ur support in being able to share that soft side.

It was very hard for me to be at the gathering, as I have been building a hard wall around me since being back in Utah...as u can tell my radical views make me not compatible here. It was shattering to be in heart space once again. The gay community has hurt me, especially here where at one time everything I did, work and charity was for this community.

I disavowed it after the rape when instead of support I found backs turned. I have deep wounds that I have spent years since in therapy, support groups and eventually working with others to heal.

I disavowed being gay (having been bisexual) I disappeared into straight society and shut down that part of my heart. It is my path back, this journey with u and the faeries...it comes full circle, as it was you who first brought the idea of gay spirit to me in the discussions u had with me and my boyfriend Scott when I was not even 21.

You were indeed the first gay man I held in esteem as a role model, giving me an understanding that to grow old as a gay person was something to embrace. (So I for one will not buy into ur old man jokes, knowing u know how beautiful it is.).

 

You introduced me to the book "sashay down the lavender road" or something like that...it was my bible and way out of my Mormon hell. It led me to the faeries...sacred as u called them, radical we have come to find them.

I have baked bread with harry hay, sewed drag for José Saria, and now cast ritual with Ben Williams. I know that you have not been honored with the due respect deserved...I hope u have received ur pride award...though I suspect you don’t care, knowing quietly of u power...but know I stand in that respect, and my path is a testament to the ripple effect of ur brave personage.

Yes it is but words, as when we are together we can only hang as real people. Thank you for keeping the faerie flame when even it was but a lil’ candle flame. When I returned from the mountain I dreamt of the May day moment we had...all day I felt de ja vu, and like a dream come true, my people gathering in this land of my youth.

I tried for years to build community, I thought through nightclubs, and money for the glbt center which I wanted as a nice place instead of a dirty garage, or odd office building. None of it was fulfilling, why I withdrew from the community...but Saturday, with a group of strangers I felt for the first time in Utah that I was ok.

I hope now to feel that again, to hold that space and intention for others. I don’t have any intention for control need for leadership. I hope you know this, and I revel in consensus and the honoring of all. This I try for though am greatly aware of my inadequacy.

Anyhow, thank you for listening to my heart...thank you for ur support of me, and Connells wonderful childlike passion. Thank you for accepting me with my faults which I know annoy you. I am grateful and honor u in my life...and look forward to the stories and memories yet to be. Yours, mat.”

I wrote back, “Mat your heart felt letter was like a tonic to me filling me up again. Mat you are just you. You are an old softy trying to project strength in a world that wants to pick the wings off faeries or pin them to a wall like a butterfly.

We have all known pain, we all have been broken, we all need love and affection and we need tribal family.

I think you were gone when I started The Pillar, a newspaper for the Gay men community with the Sacred Faeries. I put the money up but had everyone be equal owners and within a month I was betrayed and the Pillar stolen from me. That was hard. It broke my heart and I left the Sacred Faeries and it dwindled away.

So I put my energy back into building community and preserving our history at the old Stonewall Center when in 1997 it was unceremoniously closed and the archives I had built was packed away without my consent or my access to them. That was another blow upon an already bruised heart.

So I cried for 6 months and then decided to rebuild and I re-gathered as much or more than I had in my own files so they could never be taken away from me again.

So I more or less retired from the Gay Community which was quickly being dominated by Gay assimilationists, power Lesbians, Gay hating Trannies, and every faerie I knew was in hiding.

Jerry Buie came along and co-opted "Queer Spirit" but he didn't have a clue to what it meant to be a Faerie, Sacred or Radical. I think he tries. I think his heart is good but he has just become another Gay for Pay.

It was Chad Keller who brought me back out in 2003 to form the Utah Stonewall Historical Society and become involved in the Gay community again, finding a niche as local Gay historian but the Center had no vision nor cared about what came before the Dykes and Trannies and would have none of it.

No history. No sense of connectedness. Just keep the money rolling in. Salaries have to be paid. Notice they don't even call themselves a community center anymore? Just Pride Center Inc.

Well when Connell (always Rocky to me) returned to Salt Lake. He had missed nearly 20 years of history here, but he needed healing. So did I.

A young man that I adored and loved as a son stole $20,000 from me and nearly sent me into suicidal depression before I realized I needed to survive.

I found me a Jungian therapist, who helped me through my dreams, come to terms with what Kyle did and that it's only material things that were lost. Illusionary meaningless things. I still had my mind, intellect, heart, and soul. I was rich in Schnauzers who love me unconditionally... being fat, balding, and gray is just a part of life's cycle and I have come to accept my time as “the maiden”, and “matron” is over and I need to embrace the “Crone”. I kind of enjoy being Granny now.

I enjoy teaching and nurturing the Stonewall 2 generation. We all have our strengths and fragilities. You shimmer with your artistic soul and temperament. Not everyone is going to get you. It’s okay. The Rose isn't always looked upon as special by a field of Daisies. Every family needs a (I know you hate the word) Crazy Aunt Minnie... every family needs a sentimental crybaby fussy old Nelly like Connell who reminds me of Baby Jane more and more every day LOL.

It's okay that we fuss and fight as long as we also love and nurture. You and Connell are always gonna butt heads... so what! Who were the ones there making sure the event was going to happen? You two! That is why I took a picture of you two working together.

And why we need to build community within the tribe. Connell is a great Faerie Missionary but does not know how to sustain a community, well at least in my opinion... He has had his anger issues too... remember he was a founder here in Utah of Queer Nation... but in his Elder years he has become very tender hearted and vulnerable like we all are.

If we all truly knew how frail our hearts are in a world that does not honor us we would certainly be kinder to each other.

The Merry Full Moon is May 24 a Friday. Why don't we plan for a heart Circle and planning circle for that day the start of Memorial Day Weekend. Its Coronation weekend too but that should only affect Cartel Chameleon  and hopefully she can come Friday.

I will contact Rocky and see if Friday the 24th works for him. Saturday the 25th is my FAG night (Films and Gays). Every two weeks I have Generation 2 Gays come over to watch films that our apart of our Queer culture. You are welcome to come too. If you want to join the group I can add you to our FB event page. It’s just a very small group usually only 4-6 people ever come which makes it nice. Kind of a film buff night. Seth and Michael Lovebirds get the divan because they like to snuggle LOL. Don't let it bother you... Rocky is not High Faerie Priest and has a monopoly on wisdom.”

 

Mat Uhl responded “Yes, he seems to be offended by my intention of allowing and developing consensus, seeing it as a challenge to his leadership...which is partially true as in the mind set of consensus there is no leader. As I suggested the date and time for the circle he wouldn’t allow it to happen if he had a conflict and couldn’t be there...and didn’t feel comfortable having me post a call or create a sub planning committee. I know with trust he will relax and not have to Virgo everything.

Just speaking my truth, no judgment...I adore him...just aware of the change that will occur. I hope he doesn’t get hurt, as faeries favorite target is patriarchal control. Also Virgos have the idea that things should be a certain way, expectations, and get hurt and mad when they don’t exactly as planned...I embrace spontaneity, especially in circle and magic...that’s how I know it’s magic.

I invited him to go with me to the Quakers meeting and consensus training...and though I took it 20 years ago and lived it in several communities I love the training...he said he had been there and done that and was a Quaker. I’ve chosen to embrace him for who he is, but also keep my comfort distance cause I worry of being blamed or anger him by disappointing.

I said I was a bitch, which is not true, strong woman, not even...I am honest about what I am feeling but have the self-possession to say when I am wrong and correct it...indeed I embrace being called out, it will gain automatic respect.

It is clear that u see me, and past my bs. I was so concerned as I was working the circle that I came across bossy or controlling, but felt if I didn’t do it, it wasn’t going to happening. And the spirits want a strong voice as they come through u. It is as u know a distance when ur priestessing and u don’t get the same perspective as participating.

I was humbled and honored and reminded by the queer god that what we were doing was right when the three deer came as the circle came together. I am working on softening my heart once again and letting others in...this blew me wide open, I’ve cried and felt joy since the ritual.

I know not everybody likes everybody, but the love and heart space among strangers reaffirmed to me how beautiful we are as faeries. My spell or wish was to see this community grow and be a strong presence for our gay community at large. I will not ever be a part of that group at large, but this little piece of it feels like home. I just want to see ownership come to the larger group...it doesn’t take much, it will spread as truth, beauty, and love does.

Rocky will find that he need not hold everyone up, and instead allow himself to be held. Please know, I suspect u already do, that I have fuked up a lot, I have made choices that in retrospect not what I really wanted. My illness turned me around, and I am doing my best to be a giver, to support others dreams, and bring balance to my life through good works.

The Catholics believe the two paths to heaven is an introspective life and working to make the world a better place....not that the Buddhist in me believes in heaven. As we move forward in building community I believe if we continue in our truth, continue in discussion and process-- we need not worry of failure.

And indeed as Connell said to me "goddamn it we need it.". I know I say a lot, thanks for hearing me. I also am grateful for ur truth, and honor it as I know that u come in spirit...and with what u have shared with me, it is hard earned. Blessing and love, Mat.”

I responded, “Having someone listen is important I am glad you feel I can do that without judgment.” He replied, “Yes, I do. And I know u do it with ur heart. Are u safe? No...but that’s why I like u...u too speak ur mind to me. Blessings my old (not in age) friend.”

             

8 May 2013 Wednesday

I forgot about Faculty meeting this morning so I raced off to work and didn’t even take a shower! And it was picture day. Oh well! I guess we all have to do lunch room duty next year taking turns. Ugh…oh well. Changes and more changes.

It thundered and Lightning about the time kids were leaving. A pretty good down pour. Came home and wrote my column for the Q. on Faeries I asked Michael Aaron for tickets for the Grand Marshal so I hope he comes through.  Seth Anderson  and Michael Ferguson are gone for a week to Virginia for a friend’s wedding.

 

9 May 2013 Thursday

I Got my carrot cake baked ... Just need to ice it... It’s for Charles Frost's birthday... And got my squash, cucumbers, and bell peppers planted in the front yard by the drive way...

Then I spent an hour pulling weeds around my mail box...now I am pooped! I guess that makes me an old poop!

David Testo is cute as all hell but really why is the Pride Center paying for a Canadian Soccer player to be our Grand Marshal? They couldn't recognize someone from our own community who would be happy for the honor and do it for free? At least Roseanne Barr had a Utah connection... Off the top of my head I can think of 10 locals who should have been recognized over Testo... Who okayed that selection I wonder. Someone who wants to suck his dick.

When I went on line to complain about the choice I had many people also upset. Janice Marcus, head of PFLAG and Bill Poore’s sister wrote; “I think that many people feel this way!” Stephen Bolinder said “REALLY?...I have done more for this community than David. LOL.” Chuck Whyte wrote sarcastically, “ It makes me cry......cry-cry-cry.”

 Bill Poore snarkily referring to the run in I had with Valerie Larabee, “You made her cry! So what, everybody cries. I would have liked to see Attorney General Swallow be the Grand Marshal. There is just something about the name swallow.”

Ron Holmgren wrote, “OK, since I'm not a big sports fan, who is David Testo? How great an honor would it be to have some pioneer in the Utah Gay community be the grand marshal?”

I said “I can think of many like Stephan Holbrook founder of KRCL, Joe Redburn pioneer gay activist, Patty Reagan founder of Utah Aids foundation, Becky Moss, James Dabakis, Michael Aaron the list goes on... It would be nice if people making decisions about this community knew this community.”

Then the conversation turned to the price of admissions to Pride Day this year. Deb Rosenberg said, “Thinking of just going to the parade this year. Why the hell are they charging $15 for a day?!?!?! WTF!!”.

Mat Uhl responded, “it's the gay tax, it pays for all those public services provided by Pride Inc and the homo mayor, there is a special lesbian tax that covers the dildos for the homo homeless fund as well. Trannies have to buy two tickets.”

 

Deb Rosenberg said, “Really though... Are they trying to out-price people, limit who comes? Make it a more exclusive event that one must have money to attend? It just turns me away, on principle, even though I can afford it. Very different from when I was co-chair of Pride waaaaay baaaaack in '91...”

Douglas Cartier wrote: “Pride is getting so ridiculous. It's getting away from what it was all about in the first place. It's really sad. We need new leaders at the top and a complete redo of Pride weekend. David Testo? Who the hell is that?”

 

10 May 2013 Friday

When I came home from school, I immediately went to pulling the high weeds and grass around the fence along the southeast part of my yard. A good citizen pulls his weeds.

People are plenty pissed that Weber State University is naming a college  for Boyd K. Packer.

Bill Poore wrote me and joked: “Hey Ben before we go to the SAGE dinner tomorrow, do you want to go say a quick prayer at the new Boyd Packer building at Weber State?”

Connell O'Donovan then wrote me saying, “I just got a brief email from someone claiming to be a correctional officer in Boise ID informing me that Lance Wood (killer of Gordon Ray Church) is likely to get out on parole in the near future due to the efforts of a "strong advocate." WTF???!!” I responded, “I wonder who that could be? Forward this to Michael Aaron he has contacts.” Then Connell added, “I just read thru several online articles and it sounds like Lance Wood has become quite close to Renee McKenzie, a God-fearing Xtian woman who is the wife of an Idaho senator! Will do!”

Then I was surprised to receive a bitchy incoherent missive from Mat Uhl unhappy with the direction of the faeries. He wrote I made the mistake of assuming we would operate planning circle in consensus. Also, for consideration..501c 3 status requires just 3 contacts and a registered agent, which maybe one of the three.

Use an offering to receive or operate a budget...it’s about 15 mins at business city offices. I am not promoting this just saying its easy...this pissed off Connell saying i am too patriarchal, but this has been my experience of operation at the mountain, Midwest men’s fest, California men’s gather, at developing Ida, and developing phoenix faeries...

Harry Hay used consensus since it was subject relationship. I learned it from the Quakers, which developed it as an operating process...i am open to others but i don’t know of anything u find in all faerie circles, it is a tradition and the way one can move from one community to the next and function simpularly.

Please lmk ur thoughts...and if there are any precedents in agreements from the past. Ummm not sure i really want to do this circle if its gonna be the interaction i had with Connell...as i asked if there was any precedents or organization, such as if it had registered in any form with the state as to have any financial operations or benefits...he said, "hell no"...which i asked if he was swearing at me, hyperbole, or how he would negotiate any such issue discussed in circle...and was told "why are you making this patriarchal?".

Why am i being attacked for asking questions? And i don’t understand the patriarchal stuff...business is patriarchal, non prof, or registered as a religious entity, or even a dba...doing business is nothing to be afraid of???

Fact is denying it is going to cause issues...you spent money on behalf of the food, he spent money on a lot of stuff...isn’t the beauty of $ the ability of good works and accomplish community goals.

I’ve checked what i could for other faerie communities, they all have consensus as a way of making decision and have non prof statis to handle $. Really that is 3 peoples contact, 1 page form, and 30 bucks. It’s a 22 dollar registration as an entity to receive $, and nonprofit banks (mountain America) provides free banking services..

.i am not advocating anything, but feel like the discussion is to be kidnapped or controlled or conflict...which if there is no consensus...there has to be a resolution process...

I get i am "getting into it"...but consensus discussion happens all the time and want folks to come having worked through part of issues. I know ur warning about butting heads...i felt hurt already, plus everything those sisters are slinging. I can sit out of a circle as that’s a form of participation.

I do have friends who are coming and want to be there for their first times. Oh also, Jade Sarver is requesting to be added as well, he is radical and getting over his fear of faerie drag or bugger drag!

Again thanks for listening again...my motive is to get a clearer understanding of history or traditions, leadership, and where we are in the development process...that was threat to rocky.

So, i got no answers, and hoping to get more from you, as i believe u know i without guile want things to come together, but i have not intentions or expectations for outcome. What am i getting into, upfront? Blessing”

I responded the best I could writing, “I think we need to build community first before building an organization. Everyone has their strengths that is what a heart circle is for.”

Then Mat continued, “It happens organically and at the sometime, as in using consensus u build community, as you come to consensus, you have created a commonly held idea, plan, is bylaws, it’s how you function, it is how community comes together to speak and functions, it creates the organization"

I see heart circles as separate, they are not even about a discussion or topic, but about listening, to whomever has the talisman...and usually has no time limit on sharing...they can hours...heart circle should be about speaking from the heart, not from the mind which is planning and discussion about things to be done.

 And of course i think consensus is best when it’s not emotional, certainly you don’t express "hell no' to the mix, people come up with what seems like stupid ideas, but it’s about the process, not the outcome...typically there is someone who follows the discussion making notes and writing down what is consensus to...they don’t participate just keeps it moving, maybe stops when temps get high or it seems no one has anything to say on it....

then there is sometimes someone who takes names of people who are next and order to speak, that way they can relax and listen to others instead of raising their hands, thinking about what to say.

Also heart circles are to be that anything said there is to left there...consensus you want folks talking about...sometimes people talking about for weeks before they finally come to agreement, or let it go. That’s my understanding...

so that’s where my question arises as to what to expect...and with decision making this way, not participating is actually supporting the group to come to decisions without them, some don’t want to be involved in planning, or when there is discussions are known they pick and choose what they are interested in. I am wanted to know what was/is the intent? That way i know what to well of course!

           

11 May 2013 Saturday

You wonder how your day is going to be when lying in bed reading FB posts, you reach up over your head to get your coffee on the headboard shelf and you spill it all over your head and on the bed! That's one way to wake up to Folgers in your cup... Didn't help that Buddy was rolling on his back laughing.... I need a keeper. Or a nicer dog.

I've got Zuppa Inglaise to make for SAGE this evening and a house to clean before movie night and try to do some yard work...time to put ABBA on Pandora and move this 62 year old carcass before the vultures get me.

Zuppa Inglaise is Cake doused with favorite one’s alcohol, (butterscotch schnapps) with a layer of favorite jam (apricot) then a layer of pudding (vanilla) repeat another layer of all three topped with whipped cream and a swirl of grenadine.

Yay the house is mopped waxed and vacuumed. The dishes all done, bathroom sparkling, backyard mowed, garden watered and now draining the hot tub ... Who needs a gym?

Now I am kicking back and drinking the Queens' Blue Tea... The best iced tea in the world...if you haven't tried The Queens' Tea you are missing out on one of life's great pleasures...

Charles Frost’s pot luck was a success even though the accommodations weren’t very good. There were Lots of different types of people. I noticed Nikki Boyer showing up late…Rude. All the people who ate before she got there, didn’t get an opportunity to see or eat what she brought. I only saw a few homemade desserts. Seems no one cooks anymore. The Lesbians all brought pizza, KFC, and bad Smith salads.

I brought Chuck Whyte and we sat with Bill Poore and Rocky O’Donovan and at the table were also Peter Christie and some of his friends. They called people by tables to eat and we were one of the first because Charles made sure we did because he knew I needed to leave by 8:30. I only had a chicken wing and some pasta as to make sure people who came after us had plenty of food but some of those Lesbians sure can put on the feed bag.

Chuck heard Babs DeLay’s partner tell her that there was booze in the dessert I made and they delved into it. Charles said they liked my dessert a lot. The Zuppa Inglaise must have been good because it was all gone when I left.

Charles said that the Lesbians are about to get themselves separated out of SAGE if “they don’t fucking get over themselves and their fat asses and pussy overhang!”  LOL I noticed that they all squatted on one long table making it Dyke Row. That pissed Charles off because they thought they were closest to the food. LOL He was really upset and called them “socially handicapped and emotionally dysfunctional”.

I had an infatuation with this guy named Malcolm whom Charles invited to the social. He was exactly my type…Tall lean and boyish. He sat at the table Rocky, Bill, Chuck and I were at. Since Princess Kennedy took my seat, I sat next to Malcolm. He spoke so highly of Charles and related to an article Charles had written for the Q. When I told him I wrote for the Q too he couldn’t remember my article LOL.

 I gave him my email and some FB groups since he said he was just coming out.  Valerie Larabee never showed at the SAGE event and Debbie Berdan and Nikki were the only board members there.  SAGE is the best intergenerational Gay event in the city.

Film night was good but we started late because some came over after the SAGE pot luck an wanted to visit before heading out to the bar at 10.So we didn’t finished watching “The Damned until 12:30. I think Todd Markham and Addison Rose really liked it but John Bonner was kind of a pill. He came late  and then kept reading text messages all through the movie and then kept asking what was going on because he hadn’t been paying attention. He then left before it was over at 11:30. This is the 2nd time he left before the movie ended.  Why come if you aren’t a film buff?

 

12 May 2013 Sunday

Today is Mother’s Day. Busy day... I have a yard of Magpies… the parents have pushed about four young ones out of the nest and are squawking up a storm. The mom is on the roof yelling. Two of the magpie chicks were on the ground and others are hiding in my bishop weed in the front yard... Well at least Daisy can’t get at them this year. Maybe no Magpie War this year.

I am gonna cut back on Soda Pop and try continuing drinking my anti-oxidant iced tea from the Queens' Tea... Blue Tea or Lady Gray.

I went to Lowes for ten bags of top soil and then in the late afternoon over to Jesse Fruhwirth’s place in the 9th and 9th area for a meeting of the Alternative Pride Day/ queer power/ queer community meeting. I met some nice progressive people working for change... but I don’t think they will do anything.  Mostly dreamers and intellectual schemers.

The meeting started at 4:30 and when I got there with my Vegan salad Jesse had barely gotten home and others didn’t even start showing up until nearly 5 and some at 5:30. There were three Gay men and three lesbians and myself. Of course I was the oldest there lol... They all were into ridding “transphobia” and making a stand for transsexuals and not one there was a trans nor did they really know any.

They talked about doing a disruption of the parade with some street theater…By 6:30 we still hadn’t eaten so I left my vegan dish and said I needed to leave to feed my dogs. Radicals… god bless them.

I am canceling hosting an open heart circle on the 24th ... Mat Uhl has made it so contentious that I feel a very negative spirit would prevail.. I wanted a space to be open but I have severe trust issues now and this is not what I wanted. So backing out and letting Rocky O’Donovan and Mat decide where the tribe is heading... Merry meet.

 I wrote Rocky: Good luck with Mat...I tried to give him the benefit of a doubt when The Sisterhood complained about him... but since he is trying to smear me like I was trying to dominate the group... I am gone...really don't need that kind of energy in my life at this stage. I wanted a quiet healing magical space...not pomp and circumstance... and faerie contention... He's turned offering my home as a heart circle space into some kind of tirade as if I was trying to control the group... If that is what Radical Faerie is I'd rather stick with being a Sacred Faerie... People are not going to be attracted to that kind of energy and will set back any growth in Faerie consciousness... so adieu.”

 

Here are 8 homemade vitamin water recipes to help me keep hydrated and healthy!

1) The Classic Cooler: lemon/cucumber: Mix in a pitcher: 10 cups of water + 1 cucumber and a lemon, thinly sliced + 1/4 cup fresh finely chopped basil leaf + 1/3 of finely chopped fresh mint leaves. Leave in the refrigerator overnight before serving.

2) The Limeade : Strawberry/Lime or Raspberry/Lime: Mix in a pitcher : 10 cups of water + 6 strawberries / 0r Raspberries and one thinly sliced lime + 12 finely chopped fresh mint leaves. Leave in the refrigerator overnight before serving.

3) The Digestive Cleanse : Fennel/citrus First: infuse 1 to 3 grams of dried and crushed fennel in 150 ml of boiling water for 5-10 minutes. Allow to cool. Mix in a pitcher: 10 cups of water + lemon juice (put the leftover lemon in the mix) + a small thinly sliced orange + 12 fresh chopped mint leaves + the infusion of fennel seeds. Leave in refrigerator overnight before serving.

4) The AntiOX  Blend: Blackberry/Sage Note that a part from the berries, sage leaves is the herb that has the highest antioxidant content. Mix in a pitcher : 10 cups of water + 1 cup of blackberries that have been very slightly crushed + 3-4 sage leaves. Leave in refrigerator overnight before serving.

5) Watermelon : Watermelon/Rosemary Mix in a pitcher : 10 cups of water + 1 cup of watermelon cut into cubes + 2 rosemary stems. Leave in refrigerator overnight before serving.

6) Tropical Blend : Pineapple/Mint Mix in a pitcher : 10 cups of water + 1 cup of pineapple cut into cubes + 12 fresh mint leaves finely chopped. Leave in the refrigerator overnight before serving.

7) The Apple Crisp : Apple/Cinnamon Mix in a pitcher : 10 cups of water + 1 cup of apple cut into cubes + 2 cinnamon sticks + 2 teaspoon of ground cinnamon. Leave in the refrigerator overnight before serving.

8) The Ginger Zinger : Ginger/Tea In advance: heat 1 teaspoon of ginger in two cups of tea, let it cool down.  Mix in a pitcher: 10 cups of water with two cups of the ginger tea + 4-5 pieces of fresh ginger cut into cubes. Leave in the refrigerator overnight before serving.

I wrote Kyle a letter today:

“Dear Kyle,  Our letters must have crossed since the letter I got from you yesterday was dated the same day I wrote you last. By now you should know that your SLCC back tuition is caught up and I faxed the $30 and form to the Air Force.  I hope that helps facilitate you getting back into college. If you are wondering what your new password is for SLCC it’s Prison79…it had to be 8 letters and numbers…you can change it…your old password expired and all the combinations of your name didn’t work.

 It was nice getting a letter before Mother’s Day and I will call the prison before coming down…probably after school and before Summer begins on the 21.  I have a Faerie Feast then. School is late this year and I don’t get out until June 7th.  So plan on me sometime around the 14th. And I will remember to bring my quarters LOL…

I know it must be hard to find things to write about since I am sure much of your time is monotonous and with friends coming and going it must be hard. Glad you were able to do some public speaking… that’s an area you shine…but also got you in trouble when you tried to be something different to everyone so much so you probably didn’t even know the real you after a while. It must have been exhausting. The truth is so much simpler.  I’d like to hear your joke. 

I have your Afghan as a bed cover. I think I told you that. It’s heavy but light enough for the summer which it seems like we are going from winter to summer.

I’ve planted squash and cukes in the front yard but I need to get some top soil for my planters that Amy made me.  I moved them into the southwest corner of the back yard because without those fruit trees I now get a lot of sun.

This summer I am going to see if I can get some help putting railings across the top of the hot tub enclosure so in the fall and winter I can put a tarp over it to catch leaves and snow but I like it open now because of the trees and sky. Someone taught me to siphon the hot tub from the top so I don’t have to crawl underneath anymore to drain it.   

The Yard is taking a lot of work but it gives me more to do. The clematis is the front steps is beginning to bloom again. It’s so pretty. Been pulling weeds. Sure could use a yard boy. (Or a hard boy)           

I Went to the doctor’s last Tuesday for my annual physical. I am at 245 lbs. down from 275 last summer…so he said all my labs are perfect except for my blood sugars…they went way up from 7 to over 10…Nothing over 7 is good so again I am back to stabbing my fingers and watching what I eat again.

You will never get Diabetes since you don’t like sweets. Well I still make them I just don’t eat them.

Yesterday was Charles Frost’s birthday so I made him a huge Carrot Cake with Cream Cheese frosting topped with chocolate dipped strawberries. Didn’t touch a bit of it. Then yesterday was the SAGE Spring Fling Pot Luck and I had to bring a dessert so I brought Zuppa Inglaise… this Italian dessert I used to make years ago... cake layers drenched in schnapps, apricot preserves, vanilla pudding, and whipped cream. You make about two layers each served in a punch bowl and you spoon it out. It must have been good because none of it was left after the dinner.

I was amazed how much store bought food was there. Out of about 30 desserts mine was the only homemade one. I swear cooking is becoming a lost art.

There was nearly 200 people at the pot luck that Charles runs as a SAGE program but it’s an intergenerational pot luck now not just for seniors which is much better.

I ran into an old friend from my Unconditional Support group days whom I hadn’t seen in 20 years. Randy Olsen was one of my officers… that was a blast from the past…well there were a bunch I hadn’t seen in years when we were all your age. We had our cute days now we are classics…LOL.

I took Chuck with me so he could get out and socialize…some of his royal court people were there so he was happy. One whole table of probably 60 chairs was taken by the old dykes… no men allowed ha! They have the most loud, obnoxious laugh and do they ever pack on the feed bag.

Dominique Storni was about the only Tranny there although some of the younger DQ’s were there. I’d say a third of the people there were in their 30’s…too old for Clubbing and too young to be SAGERs. Gay men and women are hungry for community which the Pride Center will not do because the director hates Gay men and has alienated most of the Lesbians.

I hear there may be a coup brewing to oust Valarie finally…some newer Board members want to clean house. I say good and about time.

 

In fact today I am going to the Alternative Gay Pride/Queer Power/Queer Community Planning Potluck that Jesse Firthwurth started. See I am not the only radical in this damn town.  Mostly guys in their 30’s and 40’s that hate what “corporate pride” is doing to this community where, unless you have money, you have no say.

Back in 2006 and 2007 Chad Keller, Michael Aaron and I held Gay Freedom Days in the Park… a free event. When Chad committed suicide it took the steam out of my sails and I dropped the event although we had 60 people and I knew it would have grown over time…three people I loved killed themselves that year… included my first love from my college days John Cunningham…

So I am going to give a historical perspective and to listen.  I still have some ginger in my snaps and some credibility currency the only real currency.

It’s for certain now I will be teaching 6th grade next year and probably will until I retire.  No more “I Can Do” dance…

Seems strange and kind of scary that I will be on a fixed income soon with not much in savings but as long as the Republicans don’t gut my pension or social security I should be able to get by. I am used to living on a monthly income anyway. Have been getting paid only once a month since 1988. It would seem strange to get a weekly or bi monthly check.     

Michael Aaron had his Fabby Awards last week and 10th anniversary party but didn’t comp me a ticket or give me an invite although I’ve written for him for 10 years and is his longest continual columnist…Oh well. Wouldn’t be the first slight. I don’t do what I do for accolades… I do it for a legacy.

Seth Anderson turned in his 25 page paper for one of his History classes for a master’s program. He used for most of his research my archives…I told him he is fortunate to have his own Gay Salt Lake Herodotus at his beck and call… but he did mention me from my 1986 journal so I was flattered. 

His Paper is called Wages of Sin and he quotes Kimball right off the bat: “Think for yourself what would these persons do for you should you suddenly fall victim to an incurable disease. Suppose your body shriveled; suppose you could no longer satisfy sexually; suppose you could no longer be “used.” How long would the alleged friendships and this distorted so–called “love” last?... Would vicious men still want you? To whom would you flee? Where would you find your real friends?... You are smart when you can distinguish between your friends who will go all out to help you restore yourself, and your enemies who will do all in their power to debase you and defile you. President Spencer W. Kimball

Kimball was saying that only the church would support you if you became sick and not desirable anymore that homosexuals would desert you.  Seth wrote a masterful piece refuting Kimball and the LDS Church, documenting that they did nothing for Gay people during the height of the AIDS crisis and it was they who deserted their own members while it was the Gay community that continued to love, fight for, and build support systems for Gay men who were dying of AIDS.

It was the Gay community and the Sisters of the Holy Cross that were our real friends to help restore us while it was the LDS that did all in their power to debase us. Oh well I will get off my soap box.

 

Well today is Mother’s Day. I remember going with you to put flowers at your mother’s tomb. That was a cold and dreary day. All the matriarchs in my life, my mom, grandmas, all my aunts, my mothers in law are all gone now. No one to send flowers too or Hallmark Cards. It’s kind of an empty feeling.

I think there should be a “National Sissy Day” along with Hallmark cards, Take a sissy to Brunch, flowers (bouquets of pansies and posies), fruit baskets, the whole shebang. I am feeling left out with all these "Recognition Days". Without sissies how'd you know whose butch? Well Okay then... fine... I will bake my own damn cake. (My next cause will be "Have a Hissy Fit Day"

I saw this year's Pride Guide at the SAGE event and was disgusted that the Kristen Ries Award Recipients, Charles Frost and Brandi Balkan,  are relegated to the back of the guide behind "local heroes" and “Pete Suazo” awardees who had full page write ups while the Kristen Ries Award recipients shared a page. The lack of respect and pettiness is pathetic. Last year Valarie was front and center in the Pride Guide when she was a KR "winner" as she put it. Shame on the Pride Center... It shows how little they value the Kristen Ries Awardees and their community service.

I am boycotting Pride but I may have to go to the Grand Marshal because Charles wants me there with him in the snake pit…

And guess who they picked as Grand Marshal? David Testo! Am I the only one bewildered by the choice of a Gay Canadian Soccer player being named the Grand Marshal of this year's Gay Pride Parade? Is there no one in Utah we could have chosen for that honor? They are completely out of touch there at the Pride Center (no longer community center…they removed that from their name)

Stephen Holbrook, Joe Redburn, Jim Dabakis, Patty Reagan, Becky Moss, Michael Aaron are all names I can think of off the top of my head and they would have done it for free... But then the community doesn’t have any input into the Pride Inc anymore.

I guess you heard one state after another is making marriage equality a reality. Minnesota will probably be the 12th state. Utah will probably be the last not because of family values but because of bigotry and prejudice.

People are majorly pissed that Weber State is naming their College of Family Studies after Boyd K Packer. There’s petition drives to make them change their mind. Better get on the Freedom Train people or get ran over... Marriage Equality is coming and there's nothing Boyd K Packer can do to stop it... Love from Mama Bear As always your friend Ben

 

13 May 2013 Monday

It was Super-hot today. It got up to 93 degrees!  End of Level testing all this week and we did ours in the afternoon so kids were having a hard time concentrating. Already 80 degrees in the class room when we took our end of levels this afternoon with kids fatigued from the heat ... I know the state legislators are enjoying their air condition offices.

Never have had air conditioning all the years I taught...when school starts in August and the rooms have been baking all summer and temps can get up to 89 degrees I have four fans going and I am exhausted talking over them ... One girl went to the sick room to lay down and a boy had a hard time concentrating on his CRT test because he had a head ache but teachers are judged how their students perform on the tests.

 

Now that the Hot Tub is cleaned and sparkly fresh and I am gonna soak my bones.

Minnesota’s legislature voted for equality. Whoo hoo Minnesota Vikings for Equality… Michelle Bachman pack your bags... You can run but you can't hide.

 

14 May 2013 Tuesday

Up in the middle of the night with a sour stomach...It’s gonna make for a long day at school.

I dropped out of the Utah Radical Faerie Tribe and blocked Mat Uhl from my Face Book page. He became so toxic criticizing and attacking me because I was hosting an “Open Heart Circle” at my place when he said I was trying to dominate the group.  I was really hurt because I had defended the shit when everyone was telling me that he was dangerous and unstable because I remembered him as the 20 year old man I knew 20 years ago.

Especially today! I had it up to here with Miss Toxicity. I wrote on my Faerie Group page, “I understand some people live in their own little world. Sometimes I wish they would stay there and never visit mine. However, I created a new FB Group I called the Salt and Sage Faerie Clan so I could still have a group of friends with whom to share Open Heart Circles.”

 After work I came home and quickly made Kent Scadlock and Chuck Copeland a Ravioli casserole and brought it over to them. They live high in the Avenues on 11th Ave and between E and I Streets.  Kent had fallen over the weekend and had just gotten released from the hospital and Chuck had been in the hospital the weekend before.

Kent and Chuck were grateful for the casserole and I said, “my mom raised me right”. They also said they just wanted the Heart Circles not to be the big pageantry that Rocky and Mat are into and that they would join the Salt and Sage Faeries if it’s kept intimate.

This is what Mat Uhl wrote me. I think he must be bi-polar: “ i wish to be clear, i called a planning meeting, this through discussion with Connell, and based upon our need as at communing and processing what we experienced to improve it, "unpacking" to use an educators term, and to discuss responsibilities for future events. Indeed proving opportunities of ownership, and individual gifts to share. Consensus is not equipped to resolve conflict, but to prevent it through discussion..

i felt that u misunderstand of this lay in you statement that it was not yet needed, and found irony that u have been using it, by stating "no one has had issues". And so neither do I...as a newbie to this circle i am trying to orient myself...my questions were not accusations.

Finally the issue to be addressed is that the planning circle was the intent, a heart circle was chosen against the consensus of those who wished to discuss community issues. Posting it on the events page is ur prerogative, changing the intent for personal or rather singular reasons.

This is not an attack but clarification of my perspective on the situation...in fact for several days others had planned on attending, some i was surprised by as they feel that this consensus circle is an element they have been waiting for to participate in, have their equal opportunity voice heard...

I have indeed taken you advice to form our own consensus based decision making circle to discuss how we organize and allow others to take on responsibility and participate with open and constant access to the planning of their group.

I have chosen the last Sunday of the month, at the Grove, until such time in the first meeting I may allow the group to choose. I hope that with ur experience with the consensus process you will come and lend ur knowledge, grounded power, and love to where we may not see things the same way, we look for understanding in each other.

In faerie community terms, u are a resident...holding steady for those tourist faeries, baby faeries just exploring their wings, we need a shaman who has held the power of chief for these many moons...ur wisdoms is welcome. Blessed be, magic one.”

I responded to Mat, “Mat let me make something perfect clear, I on my own called for a heart circle Not Rocky Not you and I didn't do it to cause you grief ... I do not like the spirit of contention you are bringing to a circle I called on my own, because I wanted to,  not because I am in charge ... You and Rocky can duke this out.., it is not the spirit in which I find affirming... You are unhappy and I refuse to let your unhappiness be contagious so I am canceling my event... Hold your own "planning meeting" I am done.”

This really pissed Mat Uhl off and he became kind of psycho. He responded back, “You judgements about me being unhappy is ur bitter issues so own them or eat ‘em. You are not in charge, and if u feel that way you need to stick with a group where that’s possible. 20 years u ran the sacred faeries which was ur own little cliche...and the faeries I’ve spoken to said there was great alienation. I wasn’t here but i believe them based upon what I’ve seen.

I have not attacked you, and not taking it personal cause all u have done is thrown contention...even telling me and Connell to duke it out...that’s asinine and bratty behavior. You lose my respect it’s not regain able. Which u have.

This was either a miscommunication or as u put it...ur in control...and override the others choice to have a planning circle...cause u were hosting it...we now know that ur space is not neutral and faerie events won’t be held there, if one person feels uncomfortable being there it’s not safe space.

I have understood that u don’t see faeries or have experience enough to make the kind of judgements u have. Ive watched as u make snide comments to me, and others...so who is projecting bad attitude now. All i can figure is that u want control.

I have asked for honest and fair communication with you and all u have done is attack. Which means ur threatened, and i am not threatening u, change is.

To be willing to sabotage a community you take pride in building shows malintent and trust in your leadership will be questioned in a community that authority is frowned upon.

As i clarified with you that though it was a planning circle we (not just Connell or i but those whose personal conversation has been made) were advocating and thought it was to be a planning circle...u got it in ur head otherwise...not offense or attack.

As i took your advice and planned a separate circle...you share your drama with spite, no real communication, and the want to test your love and appreciation of by the group in taking you toys home and setting me up. Do you think ur safe around me now?

 Did you feel good creating the conflict, then running away from it? Finally, you crossed the line with your comments about me and my unhappiness...spreading it, contagious (grow up and own ur own feelings...that’s what u feel, no one else makes another feel anyway. Own ur shit.)...needless to say i don’t lay down consequences, but i am establishing a boundary. Do not do it again.

Yes, we are done...it seems i cannot muster enough respect to resolve this issue with you and are so warned to stay away and do not talk rot behind my back 3x3 so mote it be. Yes "on your owns. Which u keep that up is right where u will be. Yes, ur admittance of this control issue justifies and proves the point we need others to do the work. Thanks for stepping aside.”

 

15 May 2013 Wednesday

 Minnesota became the 12th state to recognize Marriage Equality. To deny people the right to love is to deny that God is love... To compel others to love as you do is immoral… To deny people equal protection under the law is Un American... Civil Laws are for the purpose of protecting individual and family rights not to deny people rights. Any law that denies basic human rights needs to be disobeyed...

I saw this year's Pride Guide and was disgusted that Kristen Ries Award Recipients are relegated to the back of the book behind "local heroes" and Pete Suazo awardees who had full page write ups while the Kristen Ries Award recipients shared a page. The lack of respect and pettiness is pathetic. Last year Valarie was front and center in the Pride Guide when she was a KR "winner" as she put it. Shame on the Pride Center... Shows how much they value the Kristen Ries Awardees and their community service. Grrr

 

16 May 2013 Thursday

It rained in parts of the city but not so much in Bountiful and here in West Ponte. I Had Charles Lynn Frost over for dinner and a dip...He brought Chinese food and sake and I brought the hot tub...

It was a Beautiful night to soak and solve all the world’s problems or at least in our little corner of the world...

Chuck Whyte is furious over the Pride Center denying Kristen Ries Awardees access to the VIP Lounge and Rocky O’Donovan is having fits over Mat Uhl. He wants to find a way to kick him out of the tribe. I think he’s a black witch and mental disturbed.

I saw this recipe I might have to try: When you have a sweet tooth and want to stay on track, here's a nice treat. Sugar is NOT an added ingredient. 3 mashed bananas (ripe) 1/3 cup apple sauce; 2 cups oats; 1/4 cup almond milk; 1/2 cup raisins (optional); 1 tsp vanilla; 1 tsp cinnamon; Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes

 

17 May 2013 Friday

This morning Buddy loved me so much he was head butting me to get up ugh...he's so pushy.

We had a meeting after school to figure out room changes for next year. I am staying in the same room but will be teaching 6th grade.  I think Mrs. Everson and I am going to butt heads. She wanted to do lunch duty instead of losing a prep time and I said no way do I want to do lunch duty so she’s going to do it herself the big mouth.

Today was Mrs. Jasperson’s last day and I will miss all her help for sure. I Bought her a geranium plant for appreciation.

 

I dragged my planter boxes back to the front yard and dumped 10 bags of top soil and manure in them and still have to go back and get more but I am tired... I Want to get my seeds into the ground while the moon is still waxing.

I need someone who can help me so as not have a stroke...the bags weigh about 50 lbs. each...but I am used to picking up Daisy ...I think what my dad would be doing at 62 and I roll up my sleeves and just do it.

Michael Ferguson wrote me: “Still contemplating your cracked  tea cup metaphor. Thank you for being a good fairy godmother.”

 

18 May 2013 Saturday

Ugh buddy thinks its love when he comes in from the rain jumps on the bed and tries to snuggle with me! Good soaking rain over night...now let it clear up so I can plant my veggie garden and pull some more weeds...

Good Morning Salt Lake City... Crossroads of the West. Went out to lunch at the Other Place with Connell O'Donovan, Kent Scadlock, Chuck Copeland and two Faeries from Santa Cruz -Cary the Faerie and Jasmine Tea... Delightful being with Californians.

Then went and spent $109 on diabetes medicine and that is with insurance... How do people do it without?

Well I got my veggie garden planters almost done... Need a little more top soil which I will get tomorrow and then I will plant my seeds a month from now this will look so pretty with bell peppers and squash. I've got my tomatoes on my back porch so 2013 growing season has begun... Come Lammas I will be harvesting.

There's an advantage to putting a roast in the Crockpot at 9 this morning...simmering in burgundy its smell delicious... And I don't have to think about dinner now...Finally saw “Life of Pi” along with Bill Poore The movie is very esoteric and introspective... People who went to see something like Snakes on a Plane because they heard it’s a Tiger in a boat would have been disappointed....

The beauty of the film is indescribable however the rawness of animals being killed was very hard to watch even if they were symbols... I won't watch nature movies where predators kill their prey either... It was a movie about belief and what one chooses to believe to make sense out of the senseless... What we become to survive when we are stripped of the veneer of civilization ... Very Jungian how the subconscious takes over when the conscious mind cannot bear the horrors of life any longer.

 

19 May 2013 Sunday

Ugh wrote up 3 in the morning with a pain in my right ear again... Put some drops in but just made my ear stuffy...couldn't sleep so heard the rolling thunder and listened to the rain...with interrupted sleep I feel like I am going to be useless today.

 

20 May 2013 Monday

I’m Still up in the middle of the night with an ear ache so I went to the doctors after work at Urgent Care. I was able to get right in but after paying $35 the doctor examined my ear and said that there was no infection in the ear so didn’t know why my ear and gland was so sore. She said to take ibuprofen and come back if it gets any worse.  

 

21 May 2013 Tuesday

I got a letter from Kyle today. He wanted me to send a letter he had written to the Salt Lake Tribune’s opinion page.

Well, San Francisco’s Pride has nothing on little old Salt Lake City. While they disinvited Bradley Manning who is being court-martial for violations of the Espionage Act and other offenses, and we have disinvite Joe Jervis, the Joe My God Blogger... We are now the Gay world laughing stock again... I can just hear the “not so proud” board of Nellys and Dykes saying "Jervis, he makes me so nervous"

Well Canada got this cute gay soccer player... Bingo! May be a pretty athlete will be a safe choice.

This Face Book page called “The World of Gay People”, with over 18,000 subscribers, is picking up on the Utah story. "Gay blogger Joe Jervis, who was offered to be grand marshal at Utah Pride, was reported rescinded because he's considered an insult to the Mormon church"...

I dare say more people know who Joe My God is; over a Canadian soccer player no matter how nice he is.

I wrote Jesse Nix, this lawyer on the Pride Center Board who Charles Frost thinks highly of  about what I think Valerie Larabee is trying to pull. This is what I said: “Jesse this is Ben Williams we have never met but have been a longtime activist and historian in the community. Are you aware of the Queerty article about Joe Jervis being disinvited as grand marshal for Pride? I am deeply concerned that Valerie Larabee is trying to scapegoat you as the "young board member" that caused the rescinding of the offer because of your resentment of her. I am shocked that she has sunk so low to manipulate her staying in power. I've followed you and admired you and hope you don't let people sully your reputation... I will support you as I know many others will. You do not stand alone in trying to make the center more transparent and making it a community center once again instead of a cash flow for Nikki and Valerie's various "trips" and projects that do not reflect the needs wants and values of the community... Good luck and best wishes.”

 

22 May 2013 Wednesday

Do you ever feel like the only way you get invited to a party is if you are the one who throws it? And then your worry to the last minute that no one will show up because no one ever calls? Trimming back my FB friends...

 

If you can't comment or like something I have posted in 3 months then I am just wasting your time. If I am just one of your 400 closest friends I am sure you won't miss me...

House Republicans torpedo a bill which would have provided students with low interest rate loans, and instead they advanced an alternative bill which would charge undergrads up to 8.5%, and 10.5% for grad students.

 

23 May 2013 Thursday

After feeding the dogs, I went down to the Metro on 2nd South, the old Oasis, to support Cartel Chameleon   as she held a pageant called “Gods, Goddesses, and Monsters”, kind of an alternative to the glamour drag of the Royal Court.

I got there about 6:30 and the place was still kind of empty because the show didn’t begin until 7:00 but I wanted to find a table to sit and not stand the entire time. Later Rocky O’Donovan showed up sans his fuzzy beard. I guess he found piece work to do as a genealogist to help him get by.

Later John Bonner showed up and as I was getting ready to leave, Kent Scadlock came.  Lots of young tribal kids there all sporting various tattoos, various stages of gender mixed clothing, piercings (I will never find nostril piecing attracted. It reminds me of boogers).

Some of the guys were cute in a scruffy way but mostly were “street trash” and proud of it…god bless them.

The contestants had to give talks about community awareness and queer topics which I thought was really great rather than just prance down the runway. Rocky got all emotional over this one speech and said, “I think I am going to cry” and I said, “Man up” and he called me a bully lol. I just think this public boohooing on his part is too sentimental but then I cry is secret. Crying, is like prayer, it should be done in secret and not be done publicly.  I left about 8:30 to head home and it was all still going strong.

While stopping and getting gas I looked up and saw the most beautiful full moon I had ever seen in a very long time. It was crystal clear.  Such a clear beautiful full moon out tonight crystal clear hanging in the eastern sky like a luminous pearl...

 

24 May 2013 Friday

I saw the end of level results for my kids. They were pretty dismal. Oh well the kids who tried and were conscientious did well, my ADD kids did poorly.

 

I order my supplies for next year with $7 per kid. I got $140 to buy all the supplies I will need for my students next year… Cheap bastards.

Then I rushed home to clean house and get ready for the Salt and Sage Faerie Clan’s Merry Moon Ritual at 7:00. I made “Applestar Faerie Wine” which turned out to be really tasty. I also had strawberries, and a round loaf of bread to break.

Kent Scadlock and Chuck Copeland came first and they brought me this sweet colored crystal doodad as a present. Thank you my Faerie Fey's who came to the House of the Barking Dogs to open your hearts, do magick, and healing... Merry part until the next full moon.

 

25 May 2013 Saturday

I was edgy all day and worked primarily in the yard for most of the morning until I cleaned up for movie night.  Then I get a text from Seth saying, “were we still on for 5?” Our FAG night is scheduled for 6:30 so I was kind of ticked and so I called him back at 6:15 and said its at 6:30 and they don’t show up until 7:00! I was so mad and hurt that I was about to text them not to come since they are so busy, but right before I was about to push the send button, they showed up.

But they were the only ones to come although and I can’t stay mad at them…I just love them so much.. dumb kids.. We finished off the Faerie wine, a veggie pizza, and the cheese and fruit left over from yesterday’s heart circle. We talked about the Faerie Tribe which I rejoined after Connell finally blocked Mat Uhl.

When Mat was attacking me Rocky didn’t nothing but when Mat threatened him with a black magick curse, he kicks him out. Loyalty has never been one of Rocky’s strong points.

Michael and Seth were also upset about the Pride Center kowtowing to the Mormons over the Joe Jervis debacle and I told them that is just a lie that Valerie is just spreading to attack Jesse Nix, a board member, and it’s a smoke screen. If we had leadership in this community that knew the difference between an award winning national writer and a Canadian soccer player perhaps the UPC wouldn't have to come up with a lame excuse that Jervis was disinvited because of the objection of a board member that he would be offensive to Mormons!

This coming from the very same people that chose Roseanne Barr as Grand Marshal last year? Why are we being lied to? What is the real reason? And you know the buck stops with the Executor Director... Shameful of her to pawn off her decision on others.

We watched Laurel and Hardy’s 1932 “Their First Mistake” which is about the Gayest film they ever made. However my jaw dropped when they said they didn’t know who Laurel and Hardy were! Really I mean how can you not know the greatest comedy team in history? But they didn’t.

 

The love and affection that Stan and Oliver have for each other is apparent in all their films. So Seth and Michael loved it and the movie Stonewall which was our featured film. Michael smoked his pot and then would sneak into the kitchen to eat more pizza without Seth knowing LOL I think Seth has Michael on a tight food leash. Seth thinks they are both fat!

I wrote Kyle Foote:

Dearest friend, Hope this letter finds you well. I got your letter Tuesday May 21st. It came fast. I emailed your letter to the Tribune as you asked Wednesday. So you may or may not see it this Sunday if they decide to print it.  It does seem reasonable to only house inmates who are serving a year or less in the County jails. If they are sentence for longer terms then it would appear that they need more rehabilitation and more services. However Utah will always do things on the cheap rather then what is necessary.

I got my budget for next year and I get $7 per student to spend on all the supplies they will need and I can’t ask parents to provide anything because an elementary education, by law, is free from fees or tuition. Out of that money must come all pencils, crayons, markers, scissors, paints, recess equipment, paper, etc.

Here’s Jesse Fruhwirth’s address 1227 S. 900 East, Salt Lake City UT 84105.  I thought I had sent it to you already sorry for the delay. I don’t mind paying for your education as much as I am able. It is a much better use of my resources then buying plane tickets that never got used or chasing a pipe dream about a web site that has vanished. Well that neither here nor there now.

Like you said you are not defined by your past and if I can help you become set on a path to live an authentic life instead of living in a fantasy one I will help as I can.  If you don’t know that I love you by now, you never will.

David Van Patton the poor thing had to hit me up for money again because he ran out of food again. I know it’s extremely hard to live on food stamps. It’s only like $4 a day. With all the food we throw away its insane that anyone goes hungry.

I finally got Chuck Whyte to get on food stamps and medical assistance for help with his meds. He still can’t find work and the truth be known I don’t think he is hirable after that stroke a few years ago affected his short term memory and he can’t hardly stand with his bad leg.

I pay his monthly cell phone bill so he can stay connected with the world at least. I gave him the computer that was in the front room hooked to the big screen TV because his computer crashed and he was so depressed by not having access to FB and all. I rarely sit in the front room anymore any way.

The only thing we take with us when it’s time to leave is a good heart and the memory of the people we love. Everything else is an illusion and transitory.

I had a really sore ear and jaw at the beginning of the week. Thought I was getting an infection again and went in to see the urgent care doctor but she said that there was no sign of an infection so take some Tylenol and suck it up. That was a waste of money but now it does feel better. Otherwise I have been feeling pretty good physically.

Went out and bought a pair of jeans last week because everything I have is just falling down to my ankles if I don’t hold them up. However now they are loose and I can pull them down without unzipping them too.  I am at 239 lbs. as of this morning. Blood sugars seem to be hovering around 130 so they seem to be back under control.    

Emotionally I have been kind of a wreck and don’t know if it’s just because of my ear and not sleeping well…or the change in diet since I am not stuffing my feelings down.

I felt hurt by Seth and Michael by some silly thing and was blue much of the week. I hadn’t seen them in nearly 3 weeks because they went back to Virginia for a week or so and then I see that Rocky O’Donovan posted that they had invited him to this event on Spirituality and I was not. I felt slighted and probably immaturely jealous.

You know my jealousy… but still it was my feelings and I have a right to them. Felt like when they needed something they would call me but otherwise, I have never been invited over to their place or out to dinner or just about anything that friends would do… just made me realize how old I am and how I have no long time contemporary friends anymore.

At the heart circle yesterday I said I felt like Moroni keeping a record of a vanished people and time. I held a Merry Moon Heart Circle to celebrate the full moon. I hope you got to see it. Everyone was posting pictures of it and commenting on FB. It was crystal clear and so luminescent.

I left the Utah Radical Faerie Tribe about two weeks ago after this guy who joined decided to dominate it and cause drama. He began attacking me because I didn’t have a consensus when I posted that I was hosting a Full Moon Circle. I had been doing it since last October and he was berating me on the site so I decided right there and then I was not going to get into that drama and just withdrew and formed the Salt and Sage Faerie Clan for those who are interested in heart circles and not the pageantry and theatrics of some of the Faeries. The Salt and Sage is by invite only and open to those who are willing to share and not attack.

Well the only other news is about the Center disinviting Joe Jervis of JoeMyGod as Grand Marshal. You probably read about it in the Tribune but the full story is that Valarie is lying out her ass to use this as an excuse to drive out a board member who is challenging her. It made national news from the Mormon angle. Headlines were that the Mormon Church was dictating who could be Grand Marshal of our Gay Pride Parade. Well that’s because Valerie made it an issue that Jervis was not invited because he was offensive to a board member who is a Mormon Gay.

I posted on FB “If we had leadership in this community that knew the difference between an award winning national writer and a Canadian soccer player perhaps the UPC wouldn't have to come up with a lame excuse that Jervis was disinvited because of the objection of a board member because he would be offensive to Mormons! This coming from the very same people that chose Roseanne Barr as Grand Marshal last year? Why are we being lied to? What is the real reason? And you know the buck stops with the Executor Director... Shameful to pawn off her decision on others.”

 I mean really, Roseanne has been Bashing Mormons ever since she lived on Park Street by Trolley Square! No one seemed to have their tampons in a twist over that. Well enough of that.

Pride Day is next weekend. I told Charles I would go to the Grand Marshal event to see him get honored but am not going to Pride Inc. at all. I gave all my free tickets to Rocky O’Donovan the shit. He’s stony broke too and as much as he infuriates me he has a good heart if a rather immature one.

Remember when I took you to the Grand Marshal? You looked so handsome and I was so proud to be with you.

 

School is not out until June 7th. It’s the latest it has ever been. Nine more days to babysit and try to keep the kids busy. They are smart enough to know it’s all over.

I am going to be teaching 6th grade for sure next year. I don’t care. I can stand on my head for the next two years if I want because I am retiring in June 2015. Then I will be the one on food stamps. Oh well could be dropping dead like my friends so count my blessings.

I’ve got to outlive Buddy and Daisy and they are 7 years old now but after that it won’t matter. They will be my last puppies.

I’ve got my garden all planted… growing tomatoes off my balcony…and cucumbers, bell peppers, and squash in the front yard.

When school is out going to transfer all that flag stone that I put in the front curb to the back yard. Should have enough then to fill in that entire space where our chicken coop would have gone. Now I want a pygmy goat to keep in the back yard to eat the grass and weeds. How do you spell Ben these days? E- I- E- I-O.

Well my wayward son I will close for now so this will get in the mail although I doubt whether you will get it until middle of next week since Monday is Memorial Day. I hope you think of me once in a while… Love and Affection, Mama bear Ben

 

26 May 2013 Sunday

I am Calling it a day... I Spent most of the day being a good citizen by mowing my yard, trimming branches, and pulling weeds. Bill Poore saved me from over doing it by coming over for pizza and a movie. I finally watched ARGO...a good thriller but wouldn't watch it again...to me an Oscar movie should be one you'd want to watch a lot.

After the movie we sat on the porch, solved the world’s problems and watch the cotton fly from the poplar trees... Then back to work and watering... Felt good to be delving in the soil.

 

27 May 2013 Memorial Day Monday

This morning I dealt with Chuck Whyte. He certainly let his finances get out of hand. I paid a $25 fee for him so he get his meds from the state but then he said Comcast was cutting off his internet if he didn’t pay $55. I finally asked him how much money does he have in the bank and it was about $5! God!

I said it was time to call his brother and then I find out he’s been lying to him that he had been working! I said he had to fess up and take the consequences because he will lose his condo and everything if he doesn’t face it.

So after he talked to his brother who is coming out to clean the mess up I agreed to pay another $55 to keep his Comcast on that was going to be shut off tomorrow.

I made a fresh strawberry pie to bring to a nice BBQ that Charles Lynn Frost and Doug Lott invited me to. Charles’s daughter Rachel and her friend were also there and it was delightful to be out on the patio... A Greek salad, potato salad, deviled eggs guacamole and hamburgers and brats...Good company, good food, good times and I loved my Queens' iced tea.

 

28 May 2013 Tuesday

I noticed that all my squash plants have popped up through the soil. It’s like magick to me.  It rained pretty heavy most of the day. I wasn’t expecting it. We did our plays in class of the Black Lagoon series I modified for the kids to act out, all day… Eight more days! I fixed a quiche for dinner.

 

29 May 2013 Wednesday

            Rocky O’Donovan wanted to combine the Summer Solstice with the Full Moon ritual. I wrote him “There doesn't seem to be any objection to combining Midsummer Eve with a full moon open heart circle that I posted on the Salt & Sage faerie clan site... So I don't see any reason not to do so. Kent Scadlock was going to host the Faerie Full Moon but he seems okay with combing the two but his reply to me was kind of confusing because he said something about a Sunday...

Connell O'Donovan wrote: So let me just clarify that I'm not proposing to do any big event that requires any planning. I just thought we could have the Heart Circle on Midsummer's Eve, around a camp fire up Big Cottonwood Canyon (maybe toast some marshmallows too). If it's just us four again, great! If we can get a bigger group, great! Kent thought he had something planned for that Saturday night but now he doesn't think so but will double-check first. So it will likely be Saturday but possibly not until Sunday evening.

I responded: “Gotcha....put out the faerie call and see who comes ... Is it a day or evening celebration? Maybe we could relearn our songs or new ones.... Tell dreams, stories ... Does the site have to be reserved?”

Connell replied “Evening. No reservations. But I don't mind going up and reserving the space all day (if I don't have a job yet!) Singing would be awesome!”

 

30 May 2013 Thursday

I just heard that my cousin Gary Williams passed away last Saturday in California. I only had 7 cousins on my dad’s side and 2 on my mom’s. I only had 4 boy cousins and all of us were the only boys in our families. None of us had brothers. All the boys are gone now except me. I am the oldest on my dad’s side and youngest on my mom’s. Kind of strange to think I am still here and they are all gone now.

The estimable Maggie Snyder graciously sent articles to correct information found in the Pride issue of the Q which I contritely confess is my error...Dr. Kristen Ries was Utah's first Grand Marshal in 1995.

I went over to Chuck Whyte’s after dropping off Coco to give him $25 to get a haircut for his job search.  I got three letters from Kyle Foote today each with information how to order him text books for his classes. He said he finally has been accepted back into college.

This is the message I received from Maggie Snyder:  Subject: June 2013 Issue 219 Q Salt Lake Magazine Happy Pride! And what a nicely done QSaltLake this issue!  Kudos to you all. The History of Pride article starting on page 47 is a wonderful article.  Someone and / or someone had to do a lot of research as our early years were not documented very well.  It is a great acknowledgement of our local history.  Thank you.

A note of clarification for future history articles.  On page 50, it states that Chastity Bono was the first Pride Parade Grand Marshall in 1996.  The first Pride Parade Grand Marshall was Dr. Kristen Ries in 1995.  See attached article from the Pillar August 1995 issue.  I remember succinctly that Dr. Ries was the first grand marshal.  And I remember discussing with her whether it was a good idea to do it.  Remember those years were still scary.  She didn't have to think about it much as she always wanted to be a good role model for our gay Family.

Also attached is an article in the 1996 Pride Parade Guide Volume 1, Issue 1 June 1996, page 12 & 13.  On page 13, middle column, paragraph 2:  "Finally.... The first Gay and Lesbian Pride Parade in Utah consisted of 50 entries totaling 600 people.  Dr. Kristen Ries served as Grand Marshall....."

No need to do anything about it now, except to put in the archives somewhere for the researchers in our future years to find it and report our history as it was.

Thanks for your ongoing commitment and service to our LGBT community.  Thank you and see you at Pride 2013! C. Maggie Snyder 3670 Millbrook Terrace Salt Lake City, UT 84106 Cell:  801-349-6297

 

31 May 2013 Friday

I left Washington almost after the kids today to go to the diabetic technician. She wasn’t as happy about my blood sugar levels as I was. She gave me a long stern lecture. I lost some more weight. According to the doctor’s scale I am at 246 lbs.

After leaving the doctors I went and bought some bed sheets and pillows at Target because Chuck Whyte needed them for his brother who is coming out to fix his financial  mess and will be staying with him.

After that I went to Deseret Industries  to buy some shorts because all of mine are dropping off of me. I am one size down about a 41 inch. Forty is too small and 42 is too loose. I also bought some summer shirts there too because why spend so much money on clothes when losing weight? Besides, recycling is good.

At 6:30 I was at the Leonardo, the old home of the former Public Library for the Grand Marshal Reception. The tickets said they opened at 6:30 but they weren’t letting people in until 6:45. Mark Swonson and Chuck were all there early.

I had never been in the place since it closed as a library so it was kind of fun to see what they had done with it. The reception was on the 3rd Floor where the old audio and art book collection were housed. It was also where the cruisiest of the bathrooms were. I was a little nostalgic being there remembering all the cute men I met there.

I had decided that I would not eat or drink anything there at the reception. I didn’t want them spending a dime on me. I was only there to support Charles Frost. However the table I was sitting at filled up fast. Charles and Doug Lott didn’t even get there until 7:30 so I wasn’t able to sit with them because he of course had his entourage.

At my table were Walt Larabee and Brent Marrott, who I don’t think I really like. Kim Russo came over hoping to be among friends, then she saw Chuck who hates her. Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson were at the reception and they came over to say hi and Seth gave me a little back rub…

When they asked where the free booze was I said it’s a cash bar and I gave them $20, but they didn’t end up using it after all.

Bill Allred from the Radio From Hell Show acted as Emcee and both he and Jon Jepsen was pissed when the drunk partiers in the back would not shut up for the presentation of the awards. However Misty Fowler who was at my table and Brent were almost as obnoxious yelling “Shut the Fuck up” at the noise makers… Really crass behavior. I was truly embarrassed.

It was Boyer Jervis birthday tomorrow his 90th so the room sang happy birthday to him. That was a touching moment.

Allred then began to praise an article about the “History of Gay Pride in Utah” and asked if anyone knows who wrote it. Someone shouted out “Ben” so I raised my hand and people clapped.

Later even Brandi Balken commented that if it weren’t for me we wouldn’t have our history and I said I hate to admit it but that is kind of true. I made amends to Maggie Snyder too by having Charles mention in his speech that Kristen Ries was the first Grand Marshal of the Pride Parade in Utah in 1995.

As soon as the event was over, I was out of there. I was home from seeing Charles Lynn Frost and Brandi Balken be honored with a Kristin Ries Award at the Grand Marshal Reception. It was Good to see old friends again and was flattered that Bill Allred from X 96 who emceed the event mentioned the article I wrote for the Q for pride. Also amazed how boorish some people can be that they can't even shut up for five minutes to hear the talks given by the recipients.

Several people commented about how insensitive those drunk party Gays were. Chuck Whyte wrote: “Next Year if they do not SHUT UP .......then they need to be told to leave.” I added, “Or at least have the ushers direct them to a place where they won't disrupt the people who came to hear the talks. White trash dressed up is still trash.”

 

Phillip Wilkes remarked, “How common and disrespectful.” And Michael Aaron added, “Or maybe the space and/or sound system isn't right for the event. I was more put off by the loud lesbian constantly screaming to shut up, especially during a touching moment. Completely ruined the moment.”

I said, “Yes she was at my table and she was as obnoxious as anyone but really why come to an event like this if you just want to huddle around the cash bar and be obnoxious...there weren't nearly enough tables and chairs set up near the podium ... And perhaps people could have been designated to quiet people down instead of screaming at them... I was extremely embarrassed ... Where were these people's pride? That is what happens when it's just a party.” I said to Michael Aaron, “I spoke to Maggie Snyder and Charles Frost was gracious to correct who was the first Grand Marshal... She is such a sweet woman.”

I then went on a rant about what is wrong with leadership at Pride Center...”This year they decided to exclude Kristen Ries recipients from the VIP booth and reserved it for big donors...in other words people like Dr. Kristen Ries, Maggie Snyder, and Patty Reagan who held this community together during the worse of the AIDS crisis are not worthy being considered VIPs just the wealthy...what a slap at all the recipients especially when I read a Pride employee, Megan Risbon offered VIP tickets for moving a desk! That broke my silence on the matter... For shame For shame... I don't need Pride Inc to be a Proud Gay Man but I won't let them ruin my Pride either... Even though without most of the Ries Recipients there wouldn't be much to be proud of... pride is more than a party or these days a cash generator.”

Bruce Barton chimed in, “Years ago as we in SLC faced being scattered in our goals and organizations, and we were dealing with the very real loss of many friends quickly, Greg Garcia gave a speech at one of Chuck Whyte's Unity Show that let us all know we were not at all united.

We held a meeting, inviting all the leaders of every organization we knew, held a meeting at what was a major part of the community, Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church and without disclosing who we represented, discussed our groups concerns for the community.

After we concluded we agreed with much more than we thought. We let everyone know who we were. We went on to form the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah. Officers were elected by that group, representatives of all the groups. We managed all the calendars to not conflict with other groups, AND WE BECAME UNITED!!

What is going on that those days of so much work and sacrifice by so many has a singular group speaking for us all!! Do NOT compete with the Pride Center but take it back so that the entire effort of so many rears and yes decades will not fall totally through the cracks ! !! Blessings and Prayers folks!”

 

 

JUNE

1 June 2013 Saturday

This morning my blood sugars were 156 and I had eaten nothing after 6 pm yesterday. I went over to Chuck Whyte ’s this morning to drop off the pillows and sheets he needed for his brother coming in. I think he is losing his mind. He took off after I gave them to him and then didn’t bother opening the gate to let me out of the underground garage to let me back out so I had to call him up to come back down. Ugh!

Gas prices have jumped again. Nearly $3.70 a gallon again when I filled up at Smith’s in Bountiful.

I bought some bell pepper plants, cucumbers, and herbs because the seeds I planted weren’t doing anything while the squash I planted from seeds are already leafing out.

At Smiths in Bountiful saw a former student working as a bag boy and he said, “Hi Mr. Williams you were the only teacher in elementary school I liked... Lol.”

 Then I came home and made a potato salad for Kent Scadlock’s Post Pride Party tomorrow. I didn’t go to Pride. I had given my tickets away to Rocky O’Donovan because he was broke.

Pride Day should be more than a party. It's a commitment towards change...it's a pity more Gay people don't know that; as evident at the Grand Marshal ceremony last night.

Jean Stapleton. Edith of All In the Family Fame died yesterday at the age of 90.

I wrote Charles Frost and asked, “Did y'all go out drinking to celebrate? You were magnificent at the ceremony ... Valerie looked stunning... Bill Allred did a touching tribute to you... David Andreasen is sad lol. Thank you for the beautiful tribute to Kristen and Maggie.

Charles Frost answered, “You are most welcome. I hope I said what you wanted me to say. You really liked Valerie's outfit?  I hope I paid proper tribute to those who came before.

I replied “she was the essence of Dyke glamour lol all she needed was a tin foil hat... Jon Jensen looked pained all through it... He was not happy... And god doesn't Nikki know how to use a microphone... Who is Misty Fowler? She was the one yelling “shut up” at the drunken clods all through the speeches and right when Testo was tearing up... Brent was obnoxiously yelling shut up too... So who was more crass?

Well this is what you get when it's just cheap people with money and no respect for themselves or others... Why weren't board members there to coral the drunks? Or better yet shut the God Damn bar down during the presentations?”

Charles agreed on all accounts and said it happens every year. “It's embarrassing to all of us.”

So I asked, “Why can't they figure out how to separate the party boys off into another space... Rope it off? No bar service during presentations? Or have the presentations first then the party? I'm not meeting with Jon and Valerie ... Chuck Whyte  is... I've had my say... I noticed Jon made a point of using the correct date of 1974 instead of 1983 lol.”

 

Charles responded, “They're afraid of you. Fuck-they don't know if it was 1974 or 1898.” I replied, “They should be afraid of me because unlike them I am not a liar. Are you having a nice day though? When you see all the people at pride you know it's bigger than any one person but you need guardians to keep it on track not just money changers... You are one of those guardians. Visionaries who look forward as well as back.

I planted my garden boxes, and some herbs in the backyard, made my aunt Beulah's potato salad for tomorrow, doing some writing, buying Kyle Foote some text books for college, and then taking a dip in the hot tub and call it my pride...btw Jean Stapleton died...90 years old and I didn't know she was a lesbian.

Charles Frost wrote: Face Book has and will bring them all to their knees. It gives people a forum to call liars out. Bob Henline is causing quite the ruckus. We saw Seth and Michael there too last night and chatted them up for about 15 mins. This festival will go down as the messiest in a long, long, while. That VIP section is a fucking joke. We went there for 20 minutes then spent the rest of the time in The Garden Club. It's just too fucking pretentious. Made me sick. Troy Williams was conspicuously absent the whole weekend.

I responded: “That's what I heard... Chuck Whyte said he never saw Nikki Boyer, Jon Jepsen, or Valerie Larabee either However Michael Ferguson said it was the best pride ever...so depends on one’s perspective I suppose.  Get some rest cupcake we will hash it out tomorrow... Happy Diversity Day lol”

Todd Markham wrote me to complain about the Grand Marshal’s speech at the Pride  event: “Omg you just missed the worst pride speech by our failure of a Grand Marshall. What a twat.” I replied, “I heard him last night... A very sweet, adorable, not real deep kid but certainly NOT Grand Marshal material compared to Joe Jervis who they turned down...There are 10 people off the top of my head from our own community who could have been a better choice... But he's "hot” and hosted by the lawyer who filed the amicus brief so now you know why we got the GM we did.... Todd asked: “So he is sleeping with the lawyer?” I answered, “Let’s just say I heard he is staying with the lawyer who had him drinking all night on Thursday and was trotting him out to all the "hot" parties...If he’s not sleeping with him he's pimping for him LOL”

Bill Poore asked, “’-So did you and Val have a nice talk, patch things up? Did you see my sister?” I responded, “Oh you just know I did...We circled each other, avoiding eye contact less we snarl at each other. This wasn't the time or place...I Told Chuck Whyte to behave himself...

Your sister was there with Pat and Boyer Jarvis. The room sang happy birthday to Boyer and I could see he was touched... The Place was crowded. You would have hated it. Bill Allred from X96 was the emcee and he commented on how wonderful the History of Pride was in the Q and asked if anyone knew who wrote it... Someone shouted Ben! So I raised my hand and people applauded that was unexpected...

So maybe I under estimate the value what I do... Even Brandi Balken thanked me for preserving our history...

The event was 3 hours long and I did not eat or drink a thing... I saved it all for the. "Very Important people" besides I didn't want to take a dime from those people...

Mostly I was embarrassed by the amount of chatter and laughing in side groups rather than listening to the acceptance speeches ... Trashy people....Bill Allred even got after the people in the back several times to shut up.

 

2 June 2013 Sunday

I didn't go to Pride this year...I came up with many reasons not to go except the real one. I didn't want to go alone... I have gone to way too many Pride events alone hoping by chance to see someone I knew... And when I did they were always with others and I would say happy Pride and they would say it back and then go our own ways.

I read of the fun parties that people went to...I saw the pictures and they all look so happy... The last time I went to Pride I volunteered to bus tables in the VIP section to give me something to do. I know I don't fit the demographic anymore...but I do wish people a Happy Pride day.

But I won't be going....nothing makes you feel more alone than being alone in a crowd of people enjoying their own company.

So instead I went to Kent Scadlock’s party up in the Avenues. That was more fun for me. I brought a potato salad and it was a kind of pot luck. Lots of people came that were friends of Kent. Once Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson came I kind of monopolized them. They said they went to the party last night that the lawyer hosted for the Grand Marshal and they were there until 3 in the morning. They said they went to Pride today but they looked really tired and hung over today.

Charles Frost asked, “How was Kent's party? Did you have fun? I'm literally exhausted. How did everyone like Aunt Beulah’s Potato Salad? A big crowd? I saw Rocky O’Donovan at Pride. Cartel Chameleon   came to the Sage Booth and was very sweet, after her show.”

I answered, “It was lovely...Walt Larabee was there, as well as Seth and Michael...half faerie, half Kent's friends. Michael loved the potato salad but noticed Rocky didn't. There were about 25 people there of different ages. Bill Poore came but his Truck wouldn't start so I stayed with him until he could get a tow.... Get some rest...work day tomorrow...Michael and Seth said they were at that lawyers house who is hosting Testo until 3 in the morning! Kids!

Charles speaking of Pride said, “God! It's such a drama day.” I agreed and said, “I am sure of it... Chuck Whyte was upset it took him 90 minutes to get French fries lol...and both places he went to get water were out...Kent Scadlock said they were so short handed in the VIP box they asked him to do double shifts...He said he saw Maggie and Kristin in the VIP so good they let them in.”

Bruce M. Barton wrote me, “Hi Ben--I want to ask for a couple of favors--first give me a lecture about having thicker skin and not getting upset easily, and secondly remind Rocky O’Donovan he had two good political marches, but Bruce Harmon and a handful of folks started the Parade. None from the march participated in our first few efforts. I am protective of Bruce's memory, and Rocky sort of leaves that part out and folks responded accordingly. Made me sad to be honest.”

I wrote back, “In the history of Pride I wrote I mentioned the break between the Gay Marches and the Gay Parade...both were important; both were different but Rocky was more of a protest while Bruce and yours was more celebration... Parade today is neither a celebration of being Gay nor a protest...it's more a celebration of diversity... I struggle with Rocky's reinterpretation of history every day.”

Bruce M. Barton replied, “GOD BLESS YOU BEN!! Through the years your friendship has brought me great pride as I stand often in awe of your collection and documentation of OUR history. I'm praying that your week is sprinkled with a ton of Faerie Dust and new joy is yours--keep being infectious with your wonderful smile my friend.”

I said, “Will keep fighting the good fight as long as I am able.”

Bill Poore wrote me saying: “Ok so today I was in Smiths on 8th and 9th. A bus of teen age boys pulled up, all wearing shorts, and tank tops. They were you know freshmen thru seniors so there is a great deal of change during those years. I mean none of them were ugly. They were golden brown, baby faces, baskets bouncing around under their trunks, butts that would make a grown man cry. Needless to say I stayed in the store until each of the darlings found what they wanted to eat, check out then went outside and sat on the lawn furniture in front of the store and began to eat. I so happened to have purchased a coke, so I set down and drank my lovely drink.

Now that is fucking Pride. They were from Manti.....We are the Stonewall Girls.....We wear our hair in curls. I know what a fucking queer is. I don't need Charles Frost or Brent Marrott or anyone else to each me what a queer is.”

I snidely said, I am sure you would have made the sacrifice in the name of Pride if they had wanted BJs.”

Then he said, “Thanks for your help with the truck. It has be towed to Slaughs will wait for the bad news. Tow guy thought it was electric fuel pump, not good. I noticed you mentioned Rocky, Walter Larabee, and the cutie young men in talking about the BBQ on FB. I was there, but then again at heart you are a star fucker. Tell me about Walter? I think I had sex with him years ago like in the 70s. I know I know him. I will get your money back in the next few days.”

I replied, “I am sure you had sex with half the gays in SLC in the 70s.... Please Rocky is no star except in his own mind the drama queen... What do you want to know about Walter? He nearly died 4 years ago...still very fragile but not from AIDS...He was an emperor of the royal court once... a Kristen Reis recipient... One of the old guard I knew from Affirmation days.”

This is my Letter to Kyle-

“Dear Kyle, Hope you are well. I got all three of your letters this week and sat down this morning and ordered your textbooks. They should arrive at various times. I have enclosed a copy of the order if there is any mix up. I would think many of these books would be interesting on their own. I thought you had taken your history requirements.  Does the library in Gunnison take personal donations? If I brought down a bunch of books would they accept them are do they have to be sent through a third party?

Last week on May 30th, it was Greg Harden’s birthday although I rarely hear from him anymore. I think he is involved now in a group called the Zion Curtain Sisters… a charity fundraiser group connected with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgences so that gets him out and about.

Today is the Pride parade but I am not going…seems that a straight group called Mormons Building Bridges gets more media attention than the Gays any more. LOL I gave all my tickets away to Rocky O’Donovan because he’s broke and wanted to go…and it doesn’t mean much to me anymore. It’s a party more than rally and I am done partying. Need more substance in my life.

The only thing I did go to, was the Grand Marshal event because Charles asked if I would. The reception was at the Leonardo, the old home of the former Public Library. I had never been in the place since it closed so it was kind of fun to see what they had done with it.

The reception was on the 3rd Floor where the old audio collection was housed. It was also where the cruisiest of the bathrooms were. If walls could talk. I was a little nostalgic being there.

I had decided that I would not eat or drink anything there at the reception. I didn’t want them spending a dime on me. Save it for the VIPs.  I was only there to support Charles.

However the table I was sitting up filled up with friends of mine and since Charles and Doug didn’t even get there until 7:30 I wasn’t able to sit with them. He of course had his own entourage.

Seth and Michael were at the reception too and they came over to say hi and Seth gave me a little back rub. When they asked where the free booze was I said it’s a cash bar and gave them $20 but they didn’t end up using it.

Bill Allred from the x96’s Radio From Hell Show acted as Emcee for the evening and both he and Jon Jepsen were pissed that the drunk partiers in the back would not shut up for the presentation of the awards.

However Misty Fowler and Brent Marrott at my table were almost as obnoxious yelling “Shut the Fuck up”… Really crass behavior. I was truly embarrassed.

Boyer Jervis’ 90th birthday was the next day, so the room sang happy birthday to him. That was a touching moment.

Bill Allred then began to praise an article about the History of Gay Pride in Utah and asked the audience if anyone knew who wrote it. I wasn’t credited in the Q. So someone shouted out “Ben” and I meekly raised my hand and people clapped. That amazed me and I know ticked off Valerie Larabee.

Later even Brandi Balken who had also received the Kristen Ries Award that night commented to me that if it weren’t for me we wouldn’t have our history and I hate to admit but that is kind of true.

As soon as the event was over I was out of there and didn’t go to the after parties. But it was good to see old friends again and was flattered that Bill Allred made all the former Kristen Ries recipients come up to the front and had a group picture of us taken.

I Saw my diabetic technician last Friday too. She wasn’t as happy about my blood sugar levels but I was.. I lost some more weight. So after leaving the doctors I went and bought some bed sheets and pillows at Target because Chuck needed them for his brother who is coming out to fix his financial mess and I went to Deseret Industries to buy some shorts because all of mine are dropping off of me, literally.

I am size down about a 41. 40 is too small and 42 is loose. Why spend so much money on clothes when losing weight? Besides recycling is good.

I have one more week of school but then after the 7th I am off and I will try to get down to see you the following week. How long do they let you visit? I know it will be awkward for both of us but I do want to see your face again. I don’t suppose they will let us hug.

I am going to a post pride BBQ at 3:00 with friends. And tomorrow Seth and Michael are coming over to watch a movie before their summer schedule gets crazy…My veggie garden in the front yard is taking off but so much yard work to do. I need a helper.  Well I will close for now to get this in the mail. Love Ben

3 June 2013 Monday

Today would have been Mom’s 84th birthday. My mom was born in a house on a farm my grandparents were renting near Shamrock Texas near the Oklahoma border in the Texas  panhandle in 1929. A few years after she was born the federal government built Route 66 through Shamrock and moved the house where she was born back several yards. Hundreds of thousands probably drove over the spot Mom came into this world. Happy Birthday mom... (1929-2011)

No one is as happy for Monday as Coco the little brown schnauzer that gets dropped off during the week while Mike Romero goes to work...she is so excited to see Daisy and Buddy and they her...like it’s been years not days! Wouldn't it be nice if we all reacted the same way?

This is the week I have been dreading when everything get put on hold to maximize my ability to keep the kids entertained for a week.

If the Mormons hadn't have marched would there have been any news coverage of Pride this year? More Mormons in the parade then there were Gays at Pride '86! Whenever I see the rainbow flag used in the SLC parade it makes me proud to have been friends with Bruce M. Barton and the late Bruce Harmon.

Bruce Harmon organized the first official Pride Parade and over saw its growth in the last half of the 1990s and Bruce Barton sewed the 300 foot flag on his sewing machine with the help of volunteers who rolled the material. Coins were originally thrown into the flag to be collected for charities and it was an honor for groups like Gay Youth and PFLAG. I heard the original has been retired... But don't know for sure...

Pride is much more meaningful if you take ownership of it and not just want to be entertained and if you remember the struggle to get where we are today.

When I got home from school, I straightened the house and made dinner for Michael Ferguson, Seth Anderson, and a friend they brought with them named Zach Money. I fixed Mizithra Cheese in Brown butter Noodles, a salad, and a baguette. We sat on the deck. Zach was a young cute boy who works at the old Hotel Utah as a waiter.

We then watched “Harold and Maude” because they had never seen it. I thought that it might not appeal to them being a generational thing but they loved it. They left about 9:30 a.m. and it was fun feeding the boys.

Bill Poore wrote: Did I tell you I knew Ruth Gordon. She used to stop in at my theatre in NYC with Garson Kanin for a rest as they walked around, then she stopped in to say hi often. She was a dear lady. It was funny every time she stopped in she would say this is my husband Garson Kanin (like I didn't know who he was). I told her several times that Harold and Maude was one of my favorite films. You would never have known she was a star by the way she acted. She was just this sweet little old lady.

So I am doing a search on Walter, and I start reading this thing I came upon. It went on and on, about this gay guy who was married. I read and read; it mentions meeting Walter Larabee several times. I am getting bored with this guy not fucking taking charge of his life for fucks sake, and finally I stroll down to the end of these memoirs of a gay activist and there I find it was Ben Edgar Williams......God damn I wanted to bitch slap you. If we are alive next year you are invited to go to pride with me. We will find some of fags to go with us and we will be wearing fabulous hats with flowers, wild glasses, total fairies.”

 

I responded  ‘perfect’ then asked what's news with his truck? He said, “Well the bottom line after they had to recharge the battery and run test, it was a really dirty gas filter, so it only cost me 180.00 of course then the $16 for the stupid gas can. When can I get you your money back? How are you? I am sort of a little in the dumps, I think post Pride let down. We need to do something exciting; do you want to go fishing?” I replied “Fishing? Fishing! Hahahahahaha oh wait you're serious.”

Bill said, “Fishing always makes me feel good but yes it is a joke asking you. I mean you do yard work and all but are such a sissy.” I said, “Worms and fish guts aren't for me... But catch me a fish and I will fry it for you,.. Forget about the $20 I will get my reward in heaven and if not… so what ... You need to get away or do a project... Go get yourself a foster kid.”

Bill Poore replied, “OH no I will get you the 20 tomorrow or the next day. I am not one of your poor relatives, thank you, however. Is “Foster kid” a new term for street hustler:? I would do that little trashy blond hippie boy. I am sure Rocky already has. I like that street trash look, as long as they shower before I suck them off.”

I said, “You is a bad man. His name is Jake Garber I believe and is some pot smoking trash Rocky picked up last year but seems sweet.” Bill Poore responded, “I like the name Jake. He is sweet. They are all sweet, when they are hungry.” And I added “Or stoned.”

 

4 June 2013 Tuesday

We are not “Proud” because we are Gay.  We are “Proud” because of what we have accomplished as a people and a movement.

 I am glad I kept a journal for much of my life even if parts are painful to re-read...but by reading it, I realize living alone is better than living with someone who makes you feel alone.

Kind of a crazy day trying to keep the kids occupied with lots of PE, playing on the Computers, and art.

 

5 June 2013 Wednesday

Two more days of school...they shoot horses don't they? We took a walking field trip to the swimming pool at the Bountiful Rec Center... At home I made a Taco Salad for dinner and yes I am going to eat every bit of it with a refreshing glass of iced Queens' Tea courtesy of Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson... Thanks boys for the Blue Tea.

 

6 June 2013 Thursday

Esther Williams died today...America's Mermaid was 91 years old.

One more day of school. Can I survive it? There are going to be a lot of changes next year. I will be in Sixth grade, Jeny Petersen will be doing a split, no more AR, and I will be having to learn the 6th grade common core.  But right now all I want to be is out of school and resting.

 

7 June 2013 Friday

Today was the last day of the school year 2012-2013 and probably the last time I will ever teach 5th grade. Liz Beck brought in donuts this morning since it was National Donut day and all I ate today was junk due to the stress of holding it all together.

 

I’ve enjoyed teaching with Jeny Petersen the past 7 years. She’s a little pit bull dynamo and our style is about the same. The best news I heard today was that our know- it-all reading specialist is being transferred to another school. That made my day…I did not care for her at all. So that was good news for me.

We took the kids bowling and a former student of mine Jackie Rohrer came with us. I taught her nearly 24 or 25 years ago. Now she is a mother of one of my students!

Grace, one of my high maintenance ADD kids but who is kind of sweet, said “Are you going to 6th Grade next year? Take me I love you so much!” It Made this old heart smile. I had put her in Everson’s but I will see about taking her back.

Well 1:30 couldn’t come soon enough and I wished them well and sent them on their merry way.

I wanted to do something for myself so I called Patrick Ryan up and made an appointment for a massage at 2:30. It was heavenly and besides the easing the stress he also fucked me but not to completion. It was the first time since I turned 62 over two months ago that I got laid.

After that I went shopping at Deseret Industries for shorts and summer shirts. Since I am losing weight no sense buying new. I also wanted to buy some gym clothes for I can join the North West Rec Center for at least the summer.

I watered my garden this evening because it was nearly 90 today. I am not sure if I will mess with fixing the sprinkler system this year but just hand water.

Robin chicks are dropping out of their nests in the front and back yard ... Had to shoo one out of the street and back into the yard. June is busting out all over! One little guy fell victim to Daisy who killed it by playing with it like she does her stuffed toys.

This evening Charles Frost finally told me about the whole sordid mess from last Tuesday with Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson. I don’t know how much of it I believe but I guess they had been partying all Pride Weekend and even took David Testo “Our Grand Marshal” home after the parade.

There they got high on pot and Seth and Michael both were sucking on his dick but then David wanted to do a line of coke off of their dicks and then be fucked,  the boys told him they didn’t do coke so they took him back to the Pride Festival stoned out of his gourd right before Seth and Michael came to Kent’s party…

They told Charles that Paul C. Burke, one of the lawyers that filed the amicus brief on behalf of the Pride Center, had a huge pool party of 50 guys or more for Testo to have sex and do drugs with. Testo left his boyfriend in Canada but brought his best friend who is straight to Utah and at the Party 5 female strippers showed up thinking all these Gay guys were straight instead of just the one dude.

Last Sunday, Seth told me he was at Testo’s party until 3 in the morning. Upon hearing all this I am more than ever convinced that Burke talked Larabee into inviting Testo over Joe Jervis because of favors Larabee owed him so Burke could “pimp” him out for great sex and drug parties… Gawd I am disgusted.

But also last Tuesday Charles Frost baked some banana bread with some high grade marijuana and Michael was forcing it on Seth with whiskey where by Seth became so sick Charles and Doug almost had to take him to the ER. As it was Seth threw up 5 times before Doug took him home.

Before that Michael was high and horny and Doug and Charles convinced him to pull his pants down and show them his asshole. Charles said they were just teasing him. yeah sure. If they weren’t gonna to fuck him they shouldn’t have got him worked up.

Charles said after they left he was an emotional wreck from the revelations that these boys don’t have their shit together nearly as much as they pretend.  Charles swore me to secrecy and I won’t tell anyone…but still it reinforces to me how you never really know anyone.

I am not judging the boys.  I think they should be having plenty of sex while young but I feel very shut out of their lives now. Kind of like I did with Kyle Foote…I’m always standing outside the window of the party looking in but never invited in.

This is my letter to Kyle:

Dear Kyle, I got Your May 30th letter, on Wednesday June 5th. I am sure you got my letter from June 2nd by now and you know I ordered your text books. I got an email yesterday saying some of them are being shipped. I hope they go to the right place.

This week has been hectic since it was the last week of school. Monday Seth and Michael came over to watch “Harold and Maude”. They had never seen it. They brought a young cute friend over with them named Zack Money also and I fixed them dinner.

The rest of the week has been uneventful after pride or I have been so busy with shutting down school to even notice.

I heard David Testo the cute soccer player from Canada who was the Grand Marshal just did drugs the whole time he was here and having sex with the A list and their cute boy toys. And this they chose over Joe Jervis?

Testo is even married in Canada but didn’t bring his husband down for Pride nor did he even mention he had a husband at the Grand Marshal. If that is what Pride has come down to in the young Gay community, drugs and sex parties all weekend, it’s pretty discouraging.

Even Fernando bought into the whole “let’s be high and drunk” all Pride Weekend scenario… I am all for sex but that is not what the Gay Civil Rights movement was about. Oh well, that’s over.

I think I told you I will be teaching 6th grade next year. When this one student of mine heard I was moving to 6th grade she said, “I want to be in your class! I love you so much!” LOL

I am proud, as you must be, of you landing the customer service sales position but I know you miss helping those guys with tutoring and seeing them grow and change. I am glad you are making more money because it will help with your education. I haven’t seen your article in the Tribune yet so don’t know whether it got printed or not.

My last male cousin died two weeks ago. I am two years older than him. I am the oldest and the last. Makes me kind of sad that all my parents and aunts and uncles are gone now, and even my boy cousins. None of us ever had brothers. Starting to feel kind of alone in the world.  I hope to be around when you get out but if not you know how I feel.

I plan on coming down next week probably Friday. I need to call and see whether that will be a problem or not. I know this letter seems short compared to my usual rambling but I am really tired. Love Ben

 

8 June 2013 Saturday

Well my first official day of Summer Vacation. Beautiful evening just finished a delightful dip in the Jacuzzi, there is a wafting breeze, the sky is azure, and honeysuckles are perfuming the air... Sitting on my deck listening to the sounds of the suburbs, birds chirping, water jets spraying, and the children next door giggling in their pool... Ah summer...

I didn’t leave the house except in the evening to give Buddy and Daisy a ride, get some gas, and buy an ice cream cone at Arctic Circle. I asked Bill Poore if he wanted to go with me but he didn’t so I just went with the pups. Alone again naturally.

I wonder if I didn’t invite people over would anyone come see me. Living out here on the northwest edge of Salt Lake City I might as well be in West Valley. Sugar House Park is further away than I am, from downtown, but it’s all about perspective.

It was a very warm day today nearly 90 degrees and I hear on Monday it will be a hundred. I Worked in the yard around noon.  Two hours of yard work is enough but the front yard is mowed, garden watered, and two trash bins filled with shrubbery... There's a Monty Python joke in there somewhere.

I got another letter from Kyle today. It’s a little over two hours to Gunnison so I guess I will go this Friday. He wrote it on the 5th.

 “Dear Ben, I got your welcomed letter this morning. I always look forward to hearing from you. Thanks you for ordering those books for me, hopefully it wasn’t complicated. I gave the library a copy of your order so they are expecting them. I also checked and yes, it is okay for you to bring as many books as you like to donate when you come visit. The library welcomes all donations.

And yes I did complete my history requirements at SLCC, but I’m doing a BA in history with a Sociology minor through Adams State so most of all my classes will be history.

I started my new job today in UCI Sign Shop. I’m their newest Customer Service and Sales Clerk. It is very different working for the sign shop than education. I’ll be able to tell you all about it in person soon.

I’m glad to hear you received some well-deserved recognition at the Grand Marshal event, especially if it ticked off Valerie. How kind of Brandi Balken to compliment you as well. You truly are the preeminent source for history in Salt Lake. Your work and efforts are amazing. I’m proud to have you as a friend and proud of your effort and dedication to Gay history.

Since your visit is just around the corner I sat down with my friend Jeff and asked him what you should know. I figure he would be an expert on the subject since he gets a visit once a week.

Here is what he told me: 1) Visiting is open from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Friday, Sat, Sun & Mon. 2) A visit lasts up to two hours, so if you come later in the day try not to arrive past 2:30 3) Do not have prescription drugs on your person or in your car. 4) No cell phone, pens, pencils, paper are allowed in to visiting. 5) The only two things you may bring into visiting are Photo ID and a clear bag with quarters. 6) A hello and goodbye hug is allowed. 7) No short skirts, tight clothes, or underwire bra  8) Once the visit begins I am not allowed to leave the table for any reason. 9) From when you arrive at the gate it will take about 20 minutes to get into visiting.

I agree that it will be odd seeing you after so long, but I think it will be cathartic for both of us. After all we are family. I’m enclosing a copy of my talk, with the joke I told as you asked. Jeff’s mom was kind enough to type it. I’ll see you soon. Love Kyle PS Keep an eye on City Weekly for the next few issues.”

Bill Poore asked “Soooooo how long have you had this little movie group going on without me be invited to be a member? hugh?” I replied, “you mean huh, Hugh is my middle name. I told you about when I asked if you would talk about your Torch Song Trilogy ... Only a couple of people ever came... Mostly Seth and Michael.”

Bill Poore responded, “I never got any posts except the one that just popped up. I don't remember anything about Torch Song.” I said , “Memory is the first to go.”

“Well I still never got any posts. Crushed.” And I responded “Boo hoo I haven't added Chuck Whyte at all if it makes you feel any better.” Bill said, “no that did not help at all.” And then I said, “Besides you are surrounded by your adoring theater students.”

“Don't try and make me feel better it won’t work.” Then I said, “Here's a gun ...now feel better or shoot yourself ... Tough love Suppose you are upset you didn't get invited to the David Testo sex parties either like Seth and Michael were.”

“I don't know who that is. Can’t even think of being invited to a sex party.”

“He was The grand marshal for the Pride Parade,” I said and Bill wrote: “Well that makes me even more to distance myself more from the community.” I said, “He was only brought here so the A-list could suck his dick... If you distanced yourself any more you'd be in China.”

On a more serious note, Bill Poore said, “I just looked at all my sisters photos from Pride and realized I really am not even part of the community anymore. I doubt whether I ever will be, sad indeed.”

I responded, “Well join the crowd why do you think I only went to Kent's party last Sunday?”

Bill ended saying, “You are lucky you own your own place. I wished I had not done so much coke in the 80s.”

 I replied, “I was always planning for my old age... I had no idea how to get into a house...I'd watch old Brady Bunch reruns and think how do people get a house? I was 45 years old when I bought this place and Mike Romero’s folks loaned us the $2500 for closing costs and we did sweat equity for the down payment. For the 1st 5 years I was paying $1300 a month... I Don't know how I did it but I wanted dogs like others want children so I did it...

Michael was always trying to get me to sell the place but I just gave him $10,000 and bought out his equity I will never own this place outright but as long as I keep paying $700 in monthly mortgage I can stay here until I die.”

 

9 June 2013 Sunday

Happy Birthday to my big sis Charline Wachs... I wrote her, “Youthfulness is how you live not when you were born... Glad your kids are around you even if at times they drive you crazy... Pay back for driving Dad crazy as a teen.”

It was a hot, hot day... Two hours of yard work just along a corner of my drive way... I would have done more but my pants kept falling down — at Casa Fernleaf House of the Barking Dog.

I went looking for sandals for the summer at Target, Payless, and Wal-Mart all crap looking...I finally took a chance on good old Sears on 8th South! They had a half off sale on sandals and I bought a $50 pair for $25... Salt Lake City has about the last stand alone Sears not connected with a Mall in the country!

In the evening I watched some of the Tonys and Bill wrote me saying, “Bottom line theatre people are just weird. Way over the top.”

I said, “Just like you That is why you are attracted to the theater.”

And he snarkily said, “And have friends like you. Cicely Tyson was the first actress I asked for an autographed in NYC soon after I arrived. She is one really weird lady. It was at MOMA (Modern Art) she was wearing a long white mink and sun glasses. She did not want to be bothered and was not very nice. I am not sure where it is today.” I called him, “Autograph hound”.

Bill Poore responded; “Strangely enough I only asked for just a few in all those years, and most of them was for my mother. I mean I got signed posters from the shows I worked on. I got. What is his name that played J. R. on Dallas, Richard Thomas (John Boy) and that is about it?

You know when Torch Song won the Tony, John Glines thanked his lover Larry Lane on National TV. that was a first. All the talk shows made fun of it. Tonight it seemed all the men were there with their lovers, times have changed so much, all of them very comfortable kissing them, holding their hands. Harvey Fierstein was very important in changing a lot of that.” I replied, “Yes I noticed that too.”

I wrote Kyle Foote back today;

“Dear Kyle, I received your June 5th letter yesterday before I got the other one in the mail so thought I’d let you know I did get it.

Well today is my first official day of Summer Vacation. It was a beautiful evening, there is a wafting breeze, the sky was azure, and the honeysuckles were perfuming the air... I sat on the deck after hot tubbing and listened to the simple sounds of the suburbs, birds chirping, water jets spraying, and the children next door giggling in their pool... Ah summer...

I didn’t leave the house all day except in the evening to give Buddy and Daisy a ride, get some gas at $3.70 per gal!, and buy an ice cream cone at Arctic Circle. I was thinking of you and how I missed out little jaunts to get a twist cone. I asked my friend the theater director Bill Poore if he wanted to go with me but he didn’t so I just went with the pups. Alone again naturally.

I wonder if I didn’t invite people over would anyone come see me. Living out here on the northwest edge of Salt Lake City I might as well be in West Valley. Sugar House Park is further away than I am from downtown but it’s all about perspective.

It was a very warm day nearly 90 degrees and I hear on Monday it will be a hundred. Worked in the yard around noon.  Two hours of yard work is enough but the front yard is mowed, garden watered, and two trash bins filled with shrubbery... There's a Monty Python joke in there somewhere.

After I got your letter… I went on Google Maps to find Gunnison. It’s about 130 miles from here and about a 2 hour drive. On the Visiting Info it said that “UCF visiting occurs from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. No one will be admitted between 10:30 a.m. and 12 p.m. (noon), or after 3:30 p.m. The maximum number of visits allowed is three per four day visiting block. No more than one two-hour visit per day is allowed.”

So I will leave here about 10:00 and should be there a little after 12:00. I am not how this works. Do you get off from work if you have a visitor? Is Saturday or Sundays a better time? I will bring a baggy of quarters with me but will leave my underwire bra at home…LOL.  Your loving friend Ben

 

10 June 2013 Monday

I got my plants watered, and my baking done early because it’s gonna be a scorcher today...100 degrees. I Made two cauliflower red peppers and ham quiches and raspberry rum Jell-O... Will be lovely this evening when it's too hot to cook. That and a nice, tossed salad. Buddy says he can't wait but phooey on the salad.

The robins are loving the sprinklers in my garden...they are pecking for grubs... Good Morning Salt Lake City!

I bought an ironing board and iron at D.I. as well as more shirts and pants so I’d say I am good for the summer.

For dinner I ate a salad, some quiche, and some sugar free Jell-O. After Charles Frost called and talked about David Testo doing a line of Cocaine off of Jesse Nix’s dick and then fucking him, I was disgusted. Nix is this lawyer and board member of the Pride Center and was according to Charles Lynn Frost a rising star. Well that star faded honey in my book.

I wrote this on Great Basin Bad Boys to see if anyone would admit being at a party with Testo: “Does anyone know where David Testo was last weekend? Here the community shelled out $1000s to pay him to be our Grand Marshal, fly him and his straight friend in from Canada and as far as I know he showed up at three Pride Events...The Grand Marshal reception, looking like it was too much of an effort to put on some dress wear, giving a lack luster speech at Pride Day and riding in the parade. You would think he'd have spent some time at different organizations, perhaps spend some time with Gay youth, etc... Instead he was missing in action... I am of course still upset that they choose a Testo over Jervis and I have my suspicions why... but did anyone vet this guy before choosing him?

He was an anti-Gay closet case, nearly kicked a man to death for which he was arrested, hid his lover from people, even making him hide in the bathroom... and didn't even invite his lover to Pride but instead brought his straight friend... Strange going ons... There's more to this than meets the eye...

Did anyone see Testo last week? If so where? What are the duties of a Grand Marshal? Shouldn't they at least be a true role model and Gay activist and not just be pretty? There are plenty of heroes here in Utah that we need not import the equivalent to a Soccer porn star as a Grand Marshal.”

Matt Lyons made me mad by posting a Meme stating I was beating a dead horse. I posted back at him “Gee Matt I wish I could be like you and just move on to the next party without any introspection of where we've been... I mean who am I to question authority?”

Bill Poore wrote: “You have become to Val Larabee, what Ann Coulter has become to Obama.” I responded, “Oh so you are on Valerie’s team now ... Good to know.”

He responded back, “No I am sort of Ann Coulter in drag. I am not on anyone’s team especially hers. I think the Center is a joke. Did you see that beating a dead horse cartoon?”

 

I said, “I do not care to be compared to Ann Coulter even in jest and yes some people just want the party to go on... I am not one of them. Matt is a celebrity fuck flying to West Hollywood every chance he gets... What the fuck has he ever done for this community. What chairs has he ever put up so others can dance? If he didn't have Charles Frost as a friend he wouldn't be known at all.”

Bill Poore replied, “I actually don't even know who he is, sorry I made you mad about Ann. I saw her on a talk show and was trying to figure out a way to be funny. I guess it did not work.”

I said, “People on the Board of the Center were snorting cocaine off Testo's dick and fucking him... The Grand Marshal was a paid whore for the A-List swells but let's not beat a dead horse. The lawyers and money people brought him in to fuck and have fuck parties and the center indirectly paid for it...”

 Bill Poore asked, “Just for my own info, where did you hear about this great information about Testo's dick? I love this kind of shit.”

“Can't say but is from reliable sources... People tell me things because, I tell the truth to power.”

Bill Poore said “Listen don't get upset about what Matt said. Your points are very valid. If they want to live in a glass house they better rebuild the center.”

I then said, “I might not have any money but I have my integrity and I don't need people like Matt Lyons impugning it. Then why don't you say so?”

Bill Poore answered, “the way democracy works is both sides being heard. If I am on a team, it is yours, you know that.”

I responded, “No one posted even a “like” on my comments and Matt’s post already has people liking it. Well wouldn't be the first time I have been unpopular but I am still standing.”

 Bill Poore replied, “Because I really am not known at all in the circles of the community, I am not afraid of speaking out, you know that. Oh I will post a big old like on it for you. I really could care less what those fucking queens think. I think you are Ben Williams and everyone knows that and expects nothing less from you with your history of fighting for this community. You are one of my heroes.....well sort of.”

I said, “It Ain't being a hero for standing up for what is right... Fernando Noriega’s Sex parties are fine and dandy because they don't represent the community nor are they paid with community funds…But when Grand Marshals are brought in so the new A List gays can invite the hottest guys over for sex and drug parties that is wrong! And Valerie is so stupid about Gay men she could care less.”

Bill Poore asked, “what sex parties? You know Ben to tell you the truth, bottom line. I hate this about the Gay community more than anything else. I have really been driven away by the entire party scene. I hated it in LA, San Diego, all the fucking gays did anything to get to the White Parties in Palm Springs, Red Parties, They were just one big orgy. I am sorry, there has to be more in for me that just that.”

I added, “Call me old fashion but I thought Gay Pride was to celebrate our struggle for civil rights not to be on an A List for sex and drug parties.”

Bill Poore remarked, “I have always been on the outside of the parties. I find them shallow and everything I hate about the gay community. It has always been about beauty and parties. Why do you think AIDs spread so fast? It was about the life style.”     

I said, “I understand being young and horny but being young and stupid is unforgiveable and these rich men thinking they are still desirable because they have money is a joke... Well if a disease breaks out here, it’s because of all the guys who blew or fucked Testo or by him and BTW Thank you for posting on Lyon’s site.”

Bill Poore agreed and said, “Okay, I defended you old queen. Now they can hate me as well. Actually I really mean what I said. I hate those rich old fags.”

I said, “You mean the VIPs... Money is the measure of. Importance these days.”

Bill Poore added, “well those kids that got beat up at Stonewall didn't have a dime....I have always been on the outside. All my years in San Diego I directed cutting edge hard line gay themed plays that a lot of the community would come and see but would never get themselves dirty.”

 I responded, “Piss elegant Faeries”.

Bill Poore said, “Well it looks like some of the people are starting to like my comment. They are all coward. Charles Frost should stick up for you with at least a like. I don't care about his job.”

I said “Charles likes for me to stir things up so he can look reasonable” then Bill wrote, “Matt just liked my comment. I think he feels he might have made a mistake. I just got an email from my ex-boyfriend Jimmy in NYC. I sent him a message just on chance he was still at this email. He sent me a message back, with photos of him at the Tonys last night.

Jim graduated from NYU in film and has done really well. I mean very rich. He set at Neil Patrick’s table last night. He sent me pictures of him and the woman he went to the Tonys with.

I understand your feelings about Kyle Foote. It has been 20 years but I still love him as much as I did when we were together. I really hate myself for the mistakes I made. I should have never left NYC.”

I replied, “We are who we are from our successes and mistakes...if you would have stayed in NYC you might have been dead by now.”

Bill answered, “No I was already sober by then. AIDS was at full strength and I would not done anything stupid. I just miss being around the center of things and friends that were in the middle.

Do you want to go see Once Upon a Mattress at the Babcock in mid-June? I will get the dates and we can figure when we want to go. It should be a light evening with some pretty chorus boys.

So when are we driving to Gunnison to see jail bird? I hope we both see him, at different times, or I will have to find something to do in Gunnison, some teen boy and a coke would be fine.”

I ended the conversation saying, “You find a teen boy with Coke and I'll be visiting you in jail as well as Kyle... Any time you want to go see Mattress is fine with me except the 21 that is a faerie night.

 

11 June 2013 Tuesday

It was cooler today then yesterday! Chuck Whyte called me this morning to see if I’d come get him because his printer isn’t working and he needed some stuff printed for his disability claim.

So I went and picked him up about 1:00 and we went to Panda Buffet on North Temple and 10th West for lunch. It is only $16 for the two of us and it fills him up. So I didn’t get much accomplished today.

The heat must make crazy Utah drivers even worse...Coming home from dropping Chuck Whyte off, I nearly hit a person who was turning left right in front of me...I was blaring on my horn which made him speed up...Then nearly home a person pulled out from a side street nearly colliding with me except I swerved and blared my horn again... Worse of all I had Daisy and Buddy with me and that's my worst nightmare being in an accident with them in the car...

The Deadline for Lambda Lore Column is today...I ain't gonna make it...I’m too tired and worn out to think.

I bought a ticket to the “Gay Hot Spots October festival”.  I paid $39 to see a bunch of Drag Queens LOL.

Charles Frost:  Apparently our busy boys Seth & Michael, need to be careful. That is one of the questions I asked them the infamous Banana Bread Evening. "Can you two navigate this A-list gay lifestyle, and still remain humble and keep your heads about you?" Their responses were interesting to say the least.”

I asked, “Did the question shock them? Did they even understand what you were saying?”

Charles replied, “It took them unawares, I wouldn't say shocked. They did not have a good response in my opinion. They are getting all caught up in the thick of VERY THIN things (and I am not talking about Testo's dick either : )”

I responded, “The allure of easy sex and adoration for being young and handsome is addicting... I don't know about Seth, but Michael is still a fragile recovering Mormon.”

Charles  said, “Yes he is. On another topic. Why aren't you taking Bill Poore with you to the Prison on Friday? I'm concerned friend.”

I laughed and said, “And Now for Something Completely Different. Lol. I will be fine. It's something I need to do on my own... Besides, Bill would have to wait nearly two and a half hours with nothing to do. It will do me good to see him and process how much Kyle Foote has changed.”

I then asked, “Have you ever been to Gunnison lol?” He answered, “Yes I have Ben. My good friend and former student--teaches Drama at GHS I think and I fear you'll romanticize Kyle.”

I responded, “No Kyle is not my romance... He's my kid. He's my family.” Charles replied to that, “No he's not. He hurt and used and robbed you. Family does NOT do that.”

I wrote, “Yes he did all that and yes sometimes families do that... I just need to go down without worrying about Bill analyzing my motives. I am not going to rekindle anything. There wasn't anything in the first place... I love Kyle ... He asked me to come so I am going...I am bringing all these books of his to donate to the Gunnison prison library.”

Charles Frost then said, “I'm not trying to invade upon your privacy and choice. I simply feel that when it comes to K you are not objective. Time changes things. Have you forgotten your hurt? The betrayal? The things you discovered. The lies, dishonesty?”

I replied about being objective, “Nor with any one I love...In ten years I will probably be dead ... It won't matter... But it matters now... There are many, many people I love that I wish I could see one more time...I wants to hold Kyle again while he and I are alive. I am not going there to be hurt... I am going to gage how far I've come.  All my life I've done things people disapproved of, lol, why stop now Thank you for your love and caring and concern...I have intense feelings for Seth and Michael. I have to deal with that as they are more pressing than Kyle for sure...”

Charles warned, “JUST remember, like I said. I'll say no more.. To love you, does not require my supporting this” and I said, “I know more about Kyle than anyone...If I did not go I could not live with myself.”

Charles Frost ended saying, “Goodnight. Then. I said I'll comment no further.”

 

12 June 2013 Wednesday

 I wrote an article for the Lambda Lore this morning since it was due yesterday. Since June 26th will be the 10th anniversary of the Supreme Court’s invalidation of State sodomy laws I wrote on that.

Then I went out to get an oil change in the PT Cruiser but both times I went to Jiffy Lube they said there was a half an hour wait! So never got it done today. Instead I went to Deseret Industries where I found some bargains again. Surprised how good the stuff is at the DI over at Welfare Square on 8th South and 8th West.

In the afternoon this man who I only know as “Viking Bear” wanted to come over for a romp. Why not? He was a mountain of a man, at least 6’7” and over 300 lbs. I felt absolutely petite next to him. Well at my age I cannot be that choosey or just give it up.

I did go to the Northwest Multipurpose Center and bought a 90 day membership for $58 with the Senior discount and 10 percent off because of June being the place’s anniversary.

            In the evening about 7:30 I went down to the NW Rec Center and stayed until about 8:45. I walked a mile and a quarter on the tread mill and did some exercises on the fitness equipment. Well you got to start somewhere.

I don’t think Buddy was feeling well today. He didn’t eat much of his supper.

The news is all about the National Security Agency spying on Americans and the kid that blew the whistle on them. Traitor or hero…depending on point of view I guess.

 

13 June 2013 Thursday

I was Up early to go to Firestone for an oil change but they said it would be 2 hours! Screw that. Jiffy Lube opened at 8 and I got right in but cost me $135 for all the services. I had an engine flush, oil change, new radiator gasket seal, and coolant put it. Well it costs money to operate a vehicle.

Really didn’t do much today except mop the dining room floor to lay down a new area rug I bought at Lowes in Bountiful. It’s kind of a cobalt blue and won’t show all the stuff that the animals track in.

 

14 June 2013 Friday

I went to Gunnison Utah today to see Kyle. I had this strange feeling like it was something I was being compelled to do. There was no eager anticipation, no excitement. In fact I was so scattered and distracted that I took off out of the drive way with my phone, mini iPad, and letters to mail on the hood of the car.

 

Fortunately I only went a half a block before realizing it and while my phone had hit the road the case I bought for it protected it. Whew…

Then I stopped and got a drink to get more quarters and filled my tank up at $3.67 for the trip and then I hit the road. I didn’t bring anything to listen to so it was just the radio until I ran out of signal.

It was a beautiful day for a road trip, cloudless sky, no wind, and cool most of the way about 70 degrees.  If I had been to Gunnison before I had completely forgotten it so I had to MapQuest it before I left and that help. It’s just straight to Nephi then follow Route 28 to Levan then down to Gunnison.

I left SLC about 9:45 a.m. and I was in Gunnison by noon…what a little itty bitty spot in the road. Surprised they could find enough people to staff Gunnison Prison. I Even saw that the Subway Marquee had a “welcome home Elder Ball” sign LOL. You know you are in a small Mormon town when you see signs like that.

Well I made it through the check point to enter the facility but once in the building I was told that I had to have on long pants! I only wore some cargo shorts driving down! Nowhere in Gunnison can you buy men’s pants so I had to drive 21 miles to Ephraim where there was a Wal-Mart, filled with dowdy looking Mormon women. I rushed in there bought a pair of pants on sale hoping they would fit since I didn’t try them on and rushed back to Gunnison. That was an hour and a half trip out of my way…

So it was about 1:30 when I was able to get back to the prison and there they made me put my hat and keys and reading glasses in a locker. They were very nice about it but I had to have them help me put the token in the locker slot because without my glasses I couldn’t see LOL.

 Any way I walked up a long carpeted corridor and came to another secured area where I had to give up my license and they said they would bring Kyle out as soon as they could.

So I was let into this large cafeteria style room with poorly painted mural pictures hung on the walls and a row of vending machines. Now I knew why I brought quarters.

So I sat for a while no more than 10 minutes observing the other convicts with their loved ones or at least people who cared to visit. All the inmates were dressed like Mormon Temple workers completely in white, a white blouse, t-shirt, pants, and I imagine underwear and socks. I didn’t notices the shoes because everyone was seated with feet under the tables.

I wondered what I’d feel seeing Kyle again after all these months. When I saw his face peering through a glass vestibule even with him wearing glasses I recognized him immediately  and my heart leaped with gladness.

When he was allowed to come to my table, we stood and I just hugged him, I just wanted to embrace him and know this was real. I once told Kyle that I need my sense of touch to determine reality. And I do. This was real. Kyle was sitting in front of me. I know it had to be strange for him too after all this time.

He said he had never had a visitor before and all of this was new to him too. I could tell he was taking it all in seeing a new place he hadn’t been. I felt sad that I was Kyle’s first visitor but also glad that I was.

He told me of his prison routine and how much better Gunnison is for him then Beaver Jail ever was. He told me a little about being on Death Row at Draper, and he told me that his new job gave him an office with a window… dear Kyle, always the businessman.

I told him about the article in the City Weekly and he told me about school and how he is going to use the time to get a degree. I told him time in college is like a prison sentence too LOL.

I told him that Greg Harden wasn’t well, that Amy Barry was running for city council, that I hadn’t been to Sugar House farmer market this year because it just made me sad. We just talked about stuff to fill the time. I wanted to hold his hand but didn’t dare.

I Told him how I love the deck and how it reminds me every day of him. He said that he might not get probation until December 2016. Well time will go by and he can be 37 years old with a degree or without a degree when he does get out.

I told him I didn’t care what people thought of me still caring about him. Kyle once said our relationship was our relationship. I told him I didn’t know whether he was manipulating me or not that I didn’t care. I love him and that is all that matters in the end… things disappear, people you love leave you, but love still endures. I am built no other way.

 Finally the time flew by, we had smiled, laughed a little, cried a little, and then they called for him to go. Leaving the visiting room, they held up giving me my license until Kyle could be stripped. Afraid of contraband I suppose. The only thing I gave Kyle was my love and support and they can’t take that from him.

It was after 4 pm when I left Gunnison and fortunately Michael Romero had text me and said he was picking up Coco so I didn’t have to explain I’d be late and that I was in Gunnison. Don’t need any berating by him anymore.

I made good time until north of Provo and then it was stop and go traffic clear over the point of the mountain! Even the Express lane came to a complete stop! How does an express lane come to a stop stupid drivers?

But I was home by 6:15 still road weary. I put 302 miles on the PT Cruiser today with that jaunt over to Ephraim.

I was too tired to go to the gym or over to Amy Barry’s block party in Sugar House. Besides I wanted to just be with Buddy and Daisy and reflect on my visit with Kyle and how love is irrational. So thus was my road trip to redemption. His or mine?

 

15 June 2013 Saturday

It's only 8:15 am and I am already tired. Buddy needs to stop waking me up at 6 am on a Saturday! For that matter stop waking me up until August! He will bark until I get up and give him his morning treat and a hug..

The Utah Stonewall Democrats was very interesting this morning at the County building. Heard from many of the candidates and was there to support Amy Barry in her run for City Council from District 7. I am in district 1 and was disappointed that he didn't show up to ask him questions... Good to see Bob Henline, Becky Moss, Ron Hunt, Todd Bennett, and John Wilkes there.

It was good also to see Craig Hunter again who's back in town for a short stay. He’s staying at Adrian Ruiz his longtime friend and probably one of the longest members of the Men’s Choir. Ruiz always had this expensive gay queen taste with pictures of naked men in classical poses and other decorative pieces in his home.

Craig is one of the few who knew me from the old days in 1986... He was 24 at the time. We didn’t visit long because lots of people were coming by to say hi to him.

 

Craig Hunter wrote: Hi Ben, it was really nice to get caught up with you after many years of being away. I remember the wonderful dinners you made at your down town apartment and how much everyone loved to get invited over. Also you always went out of your way to be a loyal friend. I was thrilled to get to see you again.”

 

16 June 2013 Sunday

Happy Father's Day dad Edgar Hugh Williams (1925-2004) from your son Edgar Hugh Williams Jr. aka Ben. We didn't often see eye to eye and never really understood each other, and every time I called home you said , "here's your mother" but I knew when you stooped to shine my shoes when I graduated from High School you were proud of me. Rest In Peace.

I think it takes a certain maturity and age to see ones father as a man and not just as a dad. Happy Father’s Day to those men who stuck around after conception to be a father and not just a sperm donor.

Well I am excited. Mark Sorenson and I went to see Jersey Boys at the Capitol Theater this afternoon courtesy of the Gayest Senator of them all James Dabakis! Another reason to love this man! Vote Democrat!

“Walk Like a Man” brought the house down at the Capitol theater...thought I was at concert more than a musical! Humming all the songs of my youth... Great performances... Mark Sorenson is good company... Thank you so much James Dabakis. I feel guilty taking your seats but know that they are truly being enjoyed this Father’s Day.

I should have known better than have had that big Margarita... Now I just want to sleep... At least I am home. Feeling slightly blue at the end of the day.

When I think things are fine sometimes an overwhelming sense of loss sweeps over me... That is the real burden of growing older ... the ephemeral non tangible memories of gladness that when I reach for John Cunningham, it disappears like "fairy gifts fading away."

 

17 June 2013 Monday

Home from the gym jiggety jig...I walked 2 miles on the tread mill in a half hour and did my back stomach and leg curls... Too late to be Charles Atlas but it makes you think about food choices when you see how much effort goes into burning just a few Calories...

So I am having some Blue Iced Tea and going to curl up with Janet Evanovich...Don't fret I haven't gone straight... She's my favorite summer time author.

I also found my muse...I've written 17 pages this morning on my history of Gay Salt Lake City...I realized I write narratives better than expository so I am telling it like a story beginning with 1969 interweaving my personal experiences with my research...

 

18 June 2013 Tuesday

I went in the evening to the gym today and that is about all I accomplished..

Earlier I wrote Charles Frost, “Enjoyed the Dottie segment on X96 Radio From Hell. I am sure Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson were happy for the shout out... The little shits.” Charles Frost answered, “The little shits. I Face Booked them and told them I did. They indicated they were awakened this morning with numerous texts and FB messages saying Sister Dottie is talking about The Queens' Tea. Then they had a lot of emails and face book posts today apparently. It worked with my topic, and you know me, I like to help. I hope they realize that 60,000 people heard that.”

I said, “Free advertising on X96! They should be sucking your balls.” Charles replied “As if that would ever happen. Although like you said that Michael is two jockstraps away from getting his sex outside of that relationship! There I said it.”

I responded “Well in a sexless marriage you got to do something ... I mean how many Grand Marshals can Valerie afford for them to have sex with?”. Charles laughed out loud at that bitchy comment.  The he said, “I think Sethers needs to relax on the butt and ick factor. He needs to fuck Michael on a regular basis.” I agreed, “Yes Seth should be humping that boy and keeping him happy or someone else will.” Charles added “Yes they will! Michael is a very sexual being. He needs it often! Seth seems to be more asexual or non-sexual. Do you think Seth has Low T?” I just said “Perhaps Seth likes the idea of love but not so much the act of sex.. We will dish tomorrow.”

 

19 June 2013 Wednesday

I am working all morning writing... It's hard. I think I will have some Blue Iced Tea... Hemingway drank whiskey but then...he shot himself...better stick to iced tea.

Windy outside with the temp dropping. I had a nice dinner and Kiki with Charles Frost...I fixed a quiche, salad and cantaloupe and then soaked in the hot tub while we solved the world’s problems...The wind kept whipping up the water and misting our faces.. Delightful...

Brandon Burt wrote he is having chemo for a tumor in his stomach... Poor guy… that’s why I haven’t heard anything from him in two months.

 

20 June 2013 Thursday

I am proud of myself to haul my carcass out on a beautiful Thursday to go to the gym...because I really hate it! Where are the frigging endorphins that are supposed to make you high?

Good news I have squash, cukes, and bell peppers maturing in my garden. I wrote Kyle Foote today:

Dear Kyle, I hope all is well with you and your new job is working out for you. I know you are busier now and that is a good thing.

A while ago I told you how the lap top crashed and you were worried that your pictures were lost but I didn’t tell you that I had saved them all before that onto my external hard drive for you. I have most everything you saved to your lap tap and I came across these photos of your family.

I thought, after we talked that you were going to be away for a long time, that you might want to have a picture of your mom and dad.  I thought you needed reminders of the people who love you and that you are not alone in this world.

I know you don’t believe in heaven nor am I sure I do…but I do believe in love… and connections and belonging.

Last Saturday I got a phone call from Jim Dabakis at 11 at night asking if I wanted two tickets to see Jersey Boys at the Capitol Theater. I said sure. He couldn’t use them because he had an emergency meeting at the capital on the impeachment of John Swallow.

Jersey Boys is the story of the Four Seasons and was a Broadway touring company. The tickets were $85 each! So I was sorry that Jim couldn’t use them but happy he thought of me. I asked this kid named Mark Sorenson to go with me since Sunday was father’s day and people had other plans and I know so few single people anymore.

            The musical was excellent in a kind of Mama Mia sort of way since everyone knew the music so it was like a 2 hour long concert with music and choreography. Other than that not much is happening.

I’m going to the gym and waking 2 miles in a half hour on the tread mill and doing some back and stomach exercises. Too late for me to be a Charles Atlas…

Things have calmed down since Pride Day is over…

In the news Alan Chambers of Exodus International announced they have quit the reparation therapy business for Gay people and issued an apology! “Please know that I am deeply sorry. I am sorry for the pain and hurt many of you have experienced. I am sorry that some of you spent years working through the shame and guilt you felt when your attractions didn’t change. I am sorry we promoted sexual orientation change efforts and reparation theories about sexual orientation that stigmatized parents. I am sorry that there were times I didn’t stand up to people publicly “on my side” who called you names like sodomite—or worse. I am sorry that I, knowing some of you so well, failed to share publicly that the gay and lesbian people I know, were every bit as capable of being amazing parents as the straight people that I know. I am sorry that when I celebrated a person coming to Christ and surrendering their sexuality to Him that I callously celebrated the end of relationships that broke your heart. I am sorry that I have communicated that you and your families are less than me and mine.”  Amazing! Hearts can be changed. I am also sharing what I wrote in my journal about our visit  last 14 June 2013 Friday

 

21 June 2013 Friday

Only a history geek like me would be going through 400 pages of emails sent by Chad Keller in 2002, documenting the collapse of an independent Gay Pride Day organization before it was taken over by the community center at that time. I condensed it so far to 230 pages but it’s taken two days... Oh the drama! The drama!

I am so glad I watch cooking programs... No my cooking hasn't change but now when I burn something I say it's "blackened"! I made blackened taco meat today... I really need a keeper.

Dog grooming done! Coco, Daisy, Buddy already for summer fun.... Chevy Stephen Bolinder does such a great job and best part is he comes to the house so pups aren't kenneled all day... Well a doggy spa day is a well-earned treat for the babes.

The most beautiful moon is hanging like a glowing silver dollar in the southern night sky...I just returned home from Big Cottonwood canyon having a campfire and roasting marshmallows while hearing the brook splash over rocks as it heads down the mountain... It was a perfect night to sing songs over a camp fire in the company of old faerie men.

 Charles Frost wrote regarding Levon: Catching everyone up. Levon Melikyan and I talked for another hour. He understands we all want to help him and that he can trust us. He is more relaxed and calm, now that he has some possible solutions; short and long term. I gave him a list of all the people who are on his support team: Brent Pace Jania Sommers. Charles Frost, Davey Stevenson, Ben Williams, Ms. Hovsepian, Brent Schneider.

Chick Whyte, me, Levon Mirakyan, Charles Frost 

 We discussed the short term plan to get him shelter, food and transportation security, etc. We also discussed how he will get his graphic design portfolio together to go and meet with Brent Schneider next week. His design portfolio is on a hard drive in Lindon, Utah, so we will have to figure out how he can get to Lindon and transfer it onto his current MacBook Aire.

Charles Frost wrote concerning Levon Mirakyan, an Armenian Gay boy seeking asylum, “I am planning on calling him Saturday afternoon, and driving him to meet Ben Williams, who has generously offered the basement bedroom, bathroom, etc. in his house for Levon. Ben also indicated he would be happy to help him with food, and transportation for the intermediate time. Levon, albeit very intelligent, does not fully understand the country versus states laws around driving.

I told him we will have to work on getting him a permit in Utah, and then possibly a driver’s license.

Brent--is that allowed while he is waiting for possible asylum? Please feel free to contact me on my cell if you wish to talk 801 913 8884.

I will be handling Levon, since he is over 21, and while Jania Sommers is on vacation next week. I will continue to assist and help him. I called Brent S. who indicated he would like to meet Levon and see his portfolio of work, that way he can better assess where he might help him find some design work.

Valerie Larabee and I agreed that we can allow Levon to work here at Utah Pride for Davey Stevenson in Marketing and Design, and for Joe Gonzales, Ops. Director. I will supervise him and create a work plan here. We can only assist him with food, which I will have to go with him to purchase.  So for the time being--we have him out of his urgent housing, shelter, food, and safety situation hopefully, and we can all collectively work towards helping him with his longer-range goals. Thanks to you both. Charles L. Frost Director Community Engagement & Awareness SAGE Utah Pride Center”

Jania Sommers LCSW Mental Health Project Manager Utah Pride Center wrote concerning Levon: Dear Charles, Summary of conversation follows with Brent Schneider, out-going assistant dean at College of Fine Arts at the Univ of Utah (and an out gay man, per his report) and his colleague, Ms. Karineh Hovsepian, director of finance at the same department. Ms. Hovsepian is Armenian, speaks the language and is willing to offer Levon Melikyan housing starting mid-August (cause her house is under massive renovation). Ms. Hovsepian is reachable at  801-209-3909. Brent Schneider reachable via email or departmental office number 801-581-6764. I told them both and each that Levon has a graduate degree in computer graphics and wants work but can only do so within bounds.

Brent Pace wrote: Thank you so much for all you're doing. Levon will likely not be able to get a license at this point. I can do some more research on that but I'm pretty sure about his not having adequate status at this point. Please feel free to contact me any time. Brent.”

 

22 June 2013 Saturday.

            I took Chuck Whyte out for breakfast this morning at CJ’s on 39th South because hadn’t taken him out in a while and I know he is upset about the news that he may have a blood clot and a bone infection in his leg. I talked to Greg Harden finally on the phone and he said he’s doing better.

Great things are going on in Sugar House…It looks like the great pit east of the Granite Furniture building has finally got construction going on it. Chuck says it’s going to be a high-rise condo with businesses in the basement.

While taking Chuck home Charles Frost called and said he was bringing the young Armenia kid over at 2:30 so I spent much of the rest of my day cleaning up Kyle’s old bedroom and the laundry room. I barely got most of it finished when they arrived with Levon Mirakyan packing a suitcase and travel gear on my doorstep. I was a little surprised as I thought he and I were just going to meet today but I guess he thought any port in the storm…

What a hot guy he is. Charles was right. I had him store his things in the downstairs basement and Charles, Levon, and I sat and chatted for nearly 2 hours.  I tried to make it as comfortable a transition as I could.

I wrote on FB “I was visited by a faerie who said here, work your magick so now I have a house mate for a while... He speaks Chinese, Russian, Armenian, and English and is a refugee seeking asylum because in his country they imprison Gays... He is going to help me with yard work, projects, and setting up a blog...

His grandfather was an internationally famous Armenian photography... It should make for an interesting summer...Levon Mirakyan is his name but prefers he Leon because it’s easier for Americans to pronounce... My ancestors were refugees too... Coming to America still land of the free.”

After Charles left Levon and I  visited more and we went for a drive down town to show him again about how far it is from here and to give Buddy a ride. After taking Buddy home, I said lets go get some Chinese food at Panda Buffet and get to know each other. We ate late I thought, about 8:30 which Levon said was typical of Armenians…but at the buffet I could tell they didn’t have as much out after the dinner rush had eaten. It wasn’t as good a deal but he liked it and we got to visit.

So after dinner, we at on the porch until I couldn’t take the mosquitoes anymore and then we came in. I went to bed about 11:00 and Levon went down stairs.

I wrote to Charles. “Things are going well we chatted like magpies...I took him to Panda Buffet for dinner and then drove him around town.”

Charles replied, “How very nice. Thank you so much Ben. I can tell he likes and respects you. I'll call you in a bit.”

My nephew James Clark wrote, “You have one of the most interesting life there is love you- your nephew.” If he only knew the half of it.

           

23 June 2013 Sunday

Levon Mirakyan got up about 11:30 this morning because he didn't go to bed until 4:00. I know it must be strange being in a strange place... He said he watched a movie...We got the Wi-Fi hooked up for his Apple Computer.

He said he needed some flip flops so we went out and I bought him a cheap pair...I said save your money for when you are out and about...unlike Kyle Foote, Levon kept pushing the money back at me but I said don't worry I will put you too work soon enough...At home I showed him what I’d like to get done...

We sat and visited about Kyle. He said he felt a sad presence in Kyle's room...funny how memories can be imprinted on things... He wanted to go hot tubbing this afternoon... and God what a doll! Fur and more fur all in the right places...LOL

He doesn't liked cooked onions. Just like Kyle. funny... I think he’s a good man.  His mother is only 41 and his father is 60! LOL I am truly his grandpa! Other than that it was kind of a lazy day

I wrote Charles; “You will be impressed when he comes down tomorrow...what time do you want him in and I will make sure he's there.” Charles replied, “I'm so happy you two are liking one another. I sensed you would. I will buy him food and clothing on the Center’s AmEx card. So please don't buy him much. We will help that way all you/he needs. Okay Mother?. Hot tub on day 2. Impressive. And yes, Kyle does linger, because of what he did, and because you allow him to linger. Love you”

I said, “I told him I'd take him in and pick him up until he gets use to Traxx and the bus... I know about his broken-heart love affair in China, his family, how Armenians hate the Azerbaijan, Russians, Iranians, and especially the Turks... lol

Let him buy what he likes...I have enough food in the house to feed an army...but I am sure he has his own tastes... He thinks he’s ugly and American gays won't find him attractive...insecurity starts at such an early age doesn't it.

He’s even got me drinking my box burgundy wine while we sit on the deck... he wants my company ...I know he is lonesome...so we visit...he’s' very open and because of his troubled youth, being beaten by his father and being a world traveler he's more mature than a lot of Gays his age..”

Charles  said, “Yes he is. Good, I am glad you two are working out so easily. He is good for you, just like you are GREAT for him. Box wine huh? Lord--the power of youth and beauty!!”

             

24 June 2013 Monday

I got up early about 8 to go out and pull weeds along the curb and did a pretty good job. When Levon Mirakyan got up he came out and helped some. We only worked until about 11:30 because I didn’t want to work when it got hot.

 I harvested two squash, a cucumber, and a bell pepper today from my front yard garden.  Stashed away in the side bushes were a pair of some Adidas running shoes that some kid must have hidden. They were too small for Levon so I will give them to D.I.

We Went down to the Northwest Recreation Center and I bought Levon a monthly pass so we can go to the gym together. The rest of the afternoon we visited some more and then at 3:30 we went to the new Pride Center building to meet with Charles Frost.

The new place is a building full of offices like a maze. I couldn’t see much more but it was nice I guess and it made me think about donating money to the center again.

It will be Valerie’s lasting accomplishment so I’ve got to give her credit to her but she sure wasn’t talking to me. I even said hello to her but nothing back. I don’t care. Levon said he could sense she is a phony.

Anyway we met with Charles for two hours going over what programs are set in place to help Levon with his asylum. Charles had met with Jim Dabakis early and got a grant from his LGBT grant program to buy a bike and transportation passes.

Levon will be working for the center 8 hours a week in which he will be paid in food and clothes. Because he is seeking asylum he is not allowed to work for money.

Brent Pace will meet with Levon, Charles and I next week to go over what the Utah Human Rights people can do for him.

When we left and after taking Coco home we just visited and I tried to be company to him. He’s such a kid in many ways.

Charles Frost wrote to Brent Pace regarding Levon: I met again with Levon today. I think it might be a good thing for the three of us to meet sometime next Tues. or Wed. July 2, 3, if possible, for a short strategy meeting. I know Levon is going to be contacting you to possibly set this up. It is good to understand how his "team" is working to help him and make sure his asylum application is successful. Thank you Brent. Regards, Charles Lynn Frost.”

Brent Pace responded: Charles, I would like that very much. Thank you so much for all you've done for Levon. I was really at a loss as to where to turn last week. I will be meeting with Levon later this week and we will talk about a day that works for him and me so that all of us can meet together next week. I'll be in touch. Warm regards, Brent

           

25 June 2013 Tuesday

Today is my sister Donna’s 64th birthday. I have no idea how to get a hold of her to send her happy wishes. I went to Linden, Utah this morning so that Levon Mirakyan could get information he needed off of a hard drive he had documents on that he needed.  I was a little exasperated because he didn’t know how to get there exactly and didn’t want to call the people he had lived with for directions. But in the end it all worked out.

In the afternoon we went to the gym and I walked two miles and kept my heart rate up to 125 for a half an hour.

I wrote a letter to my uncle R.L. Williams. “Dear Uncle, Just a note to wish you happiest of birthdays.  Hope this letter find’s you well. I am doing well trying to keep my diabetes in heck. Doctor said I was in good shape except for that ha!. I am losing weight and have lost 30 lbs. since last year so hopefully that will help.

Sorry to hear about Gary. I guess now I am your last nephew on the Williams side. I was your first nephew and I am now you’re last. Funny how things work out.

After Gary’s death I was able to find his son Gary Jr. who lives in Farmington New Mexico and we have connected up. I am letting him know about his Williams’ heritage. He’s a nice looking man in his 40’s now. I don’t think he’s been married or had kids. We visit on Face book as I do with Larry’s boy Aaron Fagan. Aaron and James Clark go fishing occasionally there in Arizona.

I have planted a garden in my front yard instead of grass. I planted summer squash, cucumbers, and bell peppers. Our growing season is so short compared to yours. I will end up giving most of it away but better than just watering grass.

Dennis Wachs was in the hospital a few weeks ago from complications with diabetes. I guess he would be doing better or I’d had heard. Stephanie’s son David Williams just graduated from high school and I guess will be going to Fullerton Jr. College in the fall.

I have two more years of teaching before I retire. I am retiring at 64 instead of 65 and will get a state pension as well as social security so I guess I will be okay.

Well living to 90 is a great accomplishment. What’s your secret?  Don’t suppose I’ll live that long but never know.

 

Well I want to get this in the mail today and hope you get your card on time. Love you and take care of yourself. You’re my last uncle too… so let’s stick around awhile ha! Your Nephew Edgar Junior   

 

26 June 2013 Wednesday

June 26 needs to become a Gay national holiday! 2003 sodomy laws ruled unconstitutional and 2013 Marriage Equality is affirmed! Well today is the historic day! The Defense of Marriage Act and Proposition 8 were overturned in a 5-4 decision by the Supreme Court.

            I was up reading the live accounts as the decision was made and posting them on Face Book. What a joyous day although for me personally it will never affect me.

Ben Anderson wrote me after almost two years, saying they have returned to the United States and will be able to get Mattia Lumaca’s green card now. Levon Mirakyan wasn’t up until 1 pm. So we never got his change of address done like we should have. He’s just a little depressed I think over his situation but this is good because now someone can marry him and keep him in the United States. I wrote Kyle Foote while Levon was sleeping.

In the later afternoon I had him go with me to Club Sound for the celebration that Jim Dabakis was holding there. It was really hot there and of course it was 93 degrees today. I met up with all types of old friends and introduced Levon to many people.

Charles Frost was there with many of his young friends that we got Levon hooked up with some of them. I talked to Brent Pace finally who is working with Levon through his Human Rights Office but mostly it was a time to celebrate. I was calling this Gay Freedom Day.

Because it was so hot we all went over to the Metro which was air conditioned. There Levon was kind of taken under the wings of Pearce Danner and after I left Pearce said he’d take Levon home.

Back at the house I made a carrot cake for Michael Aaron’s birthday party on Saturday because I knew it would be kind of hard to do it with Levon here. He kind of needs to be entertained which is okay for sure. So when he came home about 10 pm he came into my bedroom and we talked and listened to some music he liked. Nice to have a young perspective again.

I wrote Kyle this letter:

“Dear Kyle, Hope you are well and staying busy. I felt like I should write you on this historic occasion for our people. I know by the time you get this letter you will have already heard that the Supreme Court has struck down DOMA as well as Prop 8. Maybe your dreams of marrying some day and raising children will come true for your generation even if it’s a bit late for mine.

There is going to be a big celebration at Club Sound hosted by Jim Dabakis at 4 this afternoon. It was ten years ago to the day that the court ruled Sodomy laws were unconstitutional so June 26th is a momentous day for us and then on the 27th and 28th the Stonewall riots occurred starting it all. So in another 10 years who knows what world you will be living in. I hope I made a difference in this old world… like planting trees for someone else to sit beneath its shade.

Tomorrow is the open house for the new Pride Center which is now located at 255 East 400 South almost directly across from the Library and around the corner from the Utah AIDS Coalitions’ Our Store.  So things are changing. The Gay Hot Spot took over the old space on 3rd West as offices and a coffee shop.

I’m still going to the gym and losing some weight although yesterday I tripped outside and fell on the palm of my hand and bruised it up so it’s really sore.

I’ve gotten squash, a bell pepper, a cucumber out of my garden so far this year and I think I will be having it out of my ears before summer is over.     

The biggest change here is I have a cute young kid living in the downstairs bedroom now. His name is Levon Mirakyan but goes by “Leon”. Last Friday Charles Frost called me saying it was urgent that he has this 23 year old Armenian kid who needed shelter. He is seeking asylum because he is Gay and if he gets deported he could be harmed for being Gay. Some straight Armenian guys were bullying Levon he was living with and was close to being in a homeless shelter. Charles heard of him and went to Valerie Larabee and said we have all these programs for homeless youth until 21 but nothing for young kids of Levon’s demographics.

So Charles and the social workers at the Pride Center interviewed him and vouched for him so I agreed to take him in.  It’s what I do evidently LOL.

Saturday Charles brought Levon over and he’s been with me ever since. He speaks Russian, Armenian, Chinese, and English and in fact just came back from a year in China at a Chinese language school. He speaks very fluent English but then of course he needs some help with some words.

He’s been helping me in the yard but mostly we just been having long talks about international affairs and what it means to be Gay in America, and sitting in the hot tub with him telling me about his broken heart from being rejected by this cute Albanian kid he met in China…It’s all a new experience for me…

His grandfather was a famous European photographer and Levon, who is an artist and has a degree is graphic design, was also a contestant on “Armenian Idol” as a singer… I guess all countries have an American Idol type program now…. America should be proud to have a young man of his caliber.

The center hired him for 8 hours a week as a graphic designer and will pay him in food and clothing. While seeking asylum he is not allowed to work for cash. Jim Dabakis has a “LGBT” fund for Gay youth and they are going to buy him a bike and a Traxx pass and set him up with lawyers and other people who can help him with the asylum process.

Valerie Larabee is furious with Charles for placing Levon with me, and he had it out with her saying that she needed to stop criticizing valuable members of our community.  Charles knew he could place this kid with me and I would take care of him and not take sexual advantage of him. He already calls me his “3rd Grandfather”. In deed I am older than his grandfather who is 60 and his mother is only 42! LOL I told Charles I should change my name to “Granny Ben”.

Well enough of Levon… though he makes me sometimes miss you all the more… Don’t worry he won’t be using the truck…he can’t get a driver’s license until he gets a green card. I don’t know much more to write you since last.

I had a nice time in the canyons on Mid-Summer Eve sitting around a camp fire in Big Cottonwood Canyon with my Faerie friends roasting marshmallows. I regret never having done that with you.

 

The weather has been really decent but it’s expected to be up in the hundreds by this weekend so it won’t be as fun hot tubbing for sure.

In Sugar House they are finally building condos and businesses on the hole that was in the ground on the corner of 11th East.

Chuck Whyte and I went to breakfast and were driving around Sugar House to see Amy Barry’s parking lot she painted. It was nice but will get dingy real soon.

Chuck finally applied for disability but it will be the end of summer before he hears anything about his case.

The dogs are fine. Had them all clipped and shaved last Friday for the summer.

I hope some of those books have come or are coming. I know you are anxious to get started on your education.  I would like to come see you again if that is all right with you but if you think it was too hard I can respect that.  Just want you to be happy, productive, and lead a better life. You will always be the son I never had. Your friend for better or worse.

Bill Poore asked me “did you go to the celebration today at Club sound?” I replied and said, “Yep took Levon ... Pat and Boyer Jarvis were there and your sister Janice Marcus.” Bill then said, “Well guess I missed another event. My brother told me that Janice told him I was not even part of the community. I guess she must of missed my 25 years in NYC, LA, San Diego, San Francisco. Maybe I should tell her about all the dicks I sucked. ” I laughed and said, “Or maybe you shouldn't care what she thinks. Your dad should take you all out to the shed for a whipping until you kids learned to play nice.”

Bill Poore then said, “Hey I just realized you did not answer my marriage offer on Great Basin Bad Boys. I saw our girlfriend Gayle Ruzicka on all the new stations today telling everyone not to worry. Utah will never go the way the rest of the country. Is it just me or is she getting even uglier? She truly is what I hate most about Utah.”

            I said  “She was ugly to the bone 20 years ago. Who cares what she says? We are winning.”

Then Bill said, “You know the truth of the matter is I was going to call you and ask if you wanted to go to Club Sound, but I got caught up getting blood drawn, going over to my landlords, measuring my little studio, and I forgot until it was too late. I actually wanted to go. Okay so Levon is totally the kind of young man I went for when I was out in New York.....I think God put him in your life at this time for a reason. You need a son like figure to help, he seems to be it. I like that you are helping him,, I am willing to be involved to help, rides up the canyon fishing etc. I mean believe me I would never suggest or do anything that would be improper. He seems like a nice kid.”

I responded, “I know you wouldn't. You didn't have to say anything... Yes I think he's a good kid... I bought him a gym membership to motivate me to go... I knew he was your type ... He knows all about Kyle Foote... He told me the first night he slept here that there was a sadness in the downstairs bedroom so I told him all about Kyle... He was telling people at Club Sound to whom I was introducing him that he was the "new Kyle" and I had to tell him not everyone knows about Kyle lol.

Bill Poore added, “Well actually I think a lot of people would be turned off by the fact he is the new Kyle. So have you had him naked in the hot tub? Is he sleeping in your room? I am serious I would like be part of bringing up baby. I can take him to the U of U.. I have plenty of time after I move this next couple of days. I would be totally good I promise.”

Then Benjamin Anderson surprised me by writing to me, “Congratulations to all of us. It's a great day, now we just have to work on the rest of the state. I'm glad you're around to record all of this. Even after all that's happened between us, I want you to know that I still love you and care for you.” I replied, “Family fight and fuss...big deal...still family... when are you coming back to the USA? You could live in California or New York couldn't you now and get Mattias' green card?.” He surprised me again by saying, “We are here now.”

Charles Frost sent me the message he sent to Jim Dabakis “Dear Jim and the LBGT Fund, I hope this email finds all of you wonderful & caring people doing very well on this momentous day. I am writing on behalf of, and to introduce you to--Levon. Levon and I met at Utah Pride Center last Friday June 21, 2013. He is a 23 year old, educated and skilled young gay Armenian refugee, seeking asylum in our country for two huge reasons; political and his sexual orientation. Both of these issues could get Levon imprisoned should he return to Armenia.

He was part of the political opposition in Armenia, before he went to China for 6 months, and then applied and got a tourist visa to the USA. Once in the USA--he immediately applied for asylum.

He is working closely with Mr. Brent Pace at Utah Human Health Rights, with his application for asylum. Mr. Pace sent him to Utah Pride, where both Ms. Jania Sommers (Mental Health) and I are handling his case.

            Levon needs help and assistance at this critical juncture in his life. Having submitted an official application for asylum and awaiting his official interview as part of the process, Levon cannot work in the United States. His family is in Armenia, and he has been living with other Armenians in Utah since January 2013. He was going to have to leave where he was living, with some other Armenians on Sunday June 23, 2013, because the apartment manager would no longer allow him to live there. Plus he was in a somewhat hostile environment, being gay, having to be very careful and closeted, and living with some very homophobic people.

Fortunately, I was able to find him another place to live. Levon's country of origin is very Orthodox Christian, and that extremely conservative thinking continues with many who come to the USA. Levon has a master’s degree in Computer Graphics that he received in Armenia, and he speaks Armenian, English, and Russian fluently, with some Chinese. Mr. Pace at UHHR indicates to me that Levon's application could take 6 more months to fully process and have a final decision.

Mr. Pace and I are meeting with Levon next week to more fully understand how we can synergize and be the best support system for Levon while he is in the midst of this arduous process.

I found Levon a place to live for the present, and he is living with Mr. Ben Williams who has a fully furnished bedroom, bathroom, in his basement. Levon will do yard and house work for Ben for some compensation.

Levon is also able to work for 8 hours a week at UPC in our Marketing and Operations areas, and we will help him with food for those 8 hours a week. As you can possibly tell, he is in a very difficult life phase.

We would like to see if the LGBT Fund would be willing to assist Levon in his process. He needs funds for transportation, basic and essential living necessities, partial compensation for shelter, basic healthcare, and some food, and other needs. He is without funds at this time.

I am doing my best to see if we can obtain him a UTA pass, but he will also need a bike, since he cannot drive during this process. I am not sure of your actual guidelines for a grant proposal of this nature, but if the LGBT Fund could help Levon, the Utah Pride Center will be personally responsible for dispensing any funds you might deem worthy to appropriate.

If you prefer an actual grant amount in the request please let me know, and I can do a living budget for him for the period of time he is in limbo and awaiting the decision. Hopefully UPC, UHHR, Mr. Williams, and the LGBT Fund can be a vital lifeline for Levon.

He is worth helping and will be a vibrant and contributing member of our community and country if all goes as we hope.

Thank you for your time and serious consideration. Respectfully submitted, Mr. Charles Lynn Frost Utah Pride Center Community Engagement & Awareness Director/SAGE Utah

 

27 June 2013 Thursday

I took Levon Mirakyan to the Pride Center where he worked from 10-2 pm doing some filing. I was able to have some time alone too. I made a carrot cake for Michael Aaron’s birthday while Levon was working and I froze it until Saturday.

            I wrote Charles Frost when he asked if Levon made it home okay. “Pearce delivered Levon just fine.. I’m on my way down stairs to wake him up... In the Tribune there was a picture of Valerie Larabee speaking at Club Sound so I guess she is not as hated as we thought LOW. Who was that young guy who spoke? Other than he and Jim it was a dyke fest... Well I guess that is okay because they will be the ones packing the U-hauls with just “Married signs” and six months later “just divorced”.

Charles Frost wrote back: “The Tribune doesn't hate Valerie Larabee, just everyone else. Levon is done working, talking with Renee now. He is so rummy because he's tired. I told him to go take a nap. I did not talk to him about the items/issues I wanted to--because I am pretty sure he won't remember most of the conversation.

He is in such a huge flux and transitions. You have the biddies talking about your new "boy" btw. Soooo funny.

Please review Levon's schedule later when he is more coherent. He did a good job today, for his first day on the job. Davey was pleased.

Jim proposing to Steven was a huge BAD move, but I will share my personal views with you on that when we are alone and it is private and confidential. We need to talk on the phone, while Levon is working, so we can have our privacy and we don't have to text and email ourselves to death!! Seriously.

We need our friendship time too, by ourselves, so we will need to discuss how to maintain that.

What did you think of the email I sent to Jim and the LGBT Fund btw? I want feedback please.

The young man last night was Isaac Higham. I talk about him in my QSL Ego Shift column this month. Did you not read it? Well I NEVER!! LOL. I read your column.

 

Then I had a conversation with Bill Poore who wrote: “When am I going to meet Levon?” I responded, “Don't cream your Jammie's you will meet him tomorrow.” Bill replied, “I don't cream my Jammies anymore, what do you think I am some teenage horny boy? What is he doing for money?”

I said, “Grant from the LGBT fund.” Bill Poore asked, “What does that mean? What fund? Are you sure it is not the Ben Williams Fund.?” I said it’s a grant that Jim Dabakis set up.”

Bill Poore then said, “You mean this kid is being taken care of, damn I really need to die and come back as a cute little gay boy. This time around I would hustle my ass off and be kept.

I am packing all my things, throwing tons away and cleaning as I go. I was going to have it all done at the beginning of the week but have just played around. I did really get serious tonight. It will be spotless. I am junking all my furniture. I think in my mind I am making a major move; I recognize the pattern. I have done this before.”

I asked him if he needed to borrow the truck and he replied “Thanks but I don't think so. I appreciate the offer; it is only three doors down. I have a dolly, if I do need it I will give you a call and leave you my car. See you tomorrow. I miss you. I am looking forward to meeting the kid. You know me I love young people and I really like helping them when I can. Charles and I are talking again about doing a project. .....I need to back out of the U. I am so bored with my classes.”

 

28 June 2013 Friday

Today is my uncle R.L.’s 90th birthday. He’s about all that is left of my older relatives. It’s the 44th anniversary of Stonewall also.

It was a Fine weekend for the central air to quit working...it's 90 degrees in the house with all the windows open to let the cooler evening air in... I have a heat pump air conditioner and it will be Monday until I can get someone out to look at it... Thank god for iced tea...got ice in the dog water too.

This morning I took Levon Mirakyan to meet with Brent Pace and used the new Salt Lake Parking Meters for the first time. What a joke.

I guess next Tuesday Levon has a couple of meetings I will need to ferry him too. When Levon and I came home from shopping on the Pride Center’s dime for some clothes and food it was 87 degrees in the house!

I don’t know what caused it to stop cooling. At 5 pm we went to the Open House for the Pride Center on 4th South (no longer a community center) and there were quite a few people in and out. I Stayed mostly attached to Charles Frost and the SAGE group.

I met Jared Schneider finally, and Matthew Lyon and I made up after he posted that “dead Horse comment” on Great Basin Bad Boys about me. I even went up to Valerie Larabee who was trying to avoid me and asked where I could donate LOL to let her know I am not afraid of her.

Levon went off with this nice guy Nate Currey to have a smoke when I went looking for him. We came home about 8 o’clock and it was nearly 90 degrees in the house. It was unbearable. We sat on the deck which is warm but cooler than that...down stairs is 20 degrees cooler.... Got the house opened up to let the night air in...

Levon wants to cook a dinner rather than eat the luncheon meats and quiche I have in the frig so the kitchen is even hotter... Well I am drinking iced tea .... Levon has a crush on Nate and keeps asking if I think he likes him…school girls.

 

29 June 2013 Saturday

It was so hot in the house this morning and I had such a restless sleep making sure Daisy and Buddy stayed cool by keeping a damp cloth on them. I went to Lowes while Levon Mirakyan was still sleeping and bought about $90 worth of good fans to help cool the house down and keep the air circulating. It was going to be 104 degrees today!

The noise was hard but it kept the temperature down to about 85. I also lowered the temp of the hot tub to 88 so it was more like a swimming pool.

In the afternoon Ben Anderson and Mattia Lumaca dropped by unexpectedly…that was a surprise…Didn’t even know they are in Utah…they are kind of homeless right now but they came back to the U.S. so Mattia could get his green card…It was good to see them both and they met Levon and then Darren Solomon dropped by unannounced too. On the hottest day of the year I’ve had more company then I have almost all year drop by.

I need to fill out a letter for Ben to help with the green card process.  He said, “even after all that's happened between us, I want you to know that I still love you and care for you.” I told him “Family fight and fuss...big deal...still family...” Besides he started it…LOL

After they all left Levon and I went to the Gym for about an hour and I worked out for about an hour but he wasn’t feeling well. He wanted to stay home from Michael Aaron’s birthday party but I think he was hoping that Nate Currey would come over. He has a big crush on him.

I brought the carrot cake over about 7 p.m. because that is when Charles and Doug said they would be coming but I don’t think they actually got there until 8 but I had plenty of people to visit with… Bob Henline, Addison Rose and Todd Markham and others lots of difference age groups at the party. Kevin Scott proposed to his boyfriend there in Spanish which was sweet…everyone is getting married. Love is in the air.

I talked to a bunch of people I didn’t know…I am not Utah cliquish… but did spend some time with Mark Swonson, who was complaining they had run out of Sangria.

This black stud was passing out the carrot cake and I asked him if it was delicious and he said “yes!” and I said it should be I made it…lol. It was the only homemade thing at the party. Well I stayed until about 10:00, longer than I anticipated.

 Don't know what Levon did but when I got home from Michael Aaron's birthday bash, he had tinkered with the furnace and AC and got it working again so the house is a cool 75 degrees again. The fans I bought will be good for my classroom in the fall since they are not air conditioned at all...So hallelujah for central air and modern living...

 

30 June 2013 Sunday

Another extremely hot day but at least the air conditioning is working again Yay. I am so cool... literally...praise Jesus for Central Air and all those hard working smart men and women who made it possible.. Whoever invented it is my hero...

It was too hot to do much but did go to Smith’s and bought protein shake that I like, Vita Life that has all these vitamins in it. In the afternoon we went over to Charles Frost  and Doug Lott’s for dinner, where Charles fixed a wonderful roast beef dinner with roasted potatoes and asparagus. We sat and visited for a couple of hours so Doug and Charles could get to know Levon Mirakyan better.

It’s been over two weeks since I went down and saw Kyle and not a letter from him. Makes me wonder if seeing me was too hard for him or what, or whether he’s just extremely busy…but I miss him. I may go down once more to see him and after that let him go.