Spring 2nd Quarter Journal 2015 April-June

 

APRIL

1 April 2015 Wednesday

Much cooler today than yesterday. Worked on John Williams Sr genealogy this morning after I got up around 7 a.m.  That is like sleeping in for sure. Fixed me some bacon and eggs, hash browns and English Muffins for breakfast while I worked on genealogy. Around 11 a.m. I mailed off my Utah State Retirement Package by going to the post office to make sure I had the right postage then went to Papa Murphy’s to get a small pizza for when Kyle Daniels came over. Power went off for 10 minutes Just long enough to reset everything ... Some April fool’s joke We talked politics a little because I know Alan Anderson is upset that Jim is putting his hat in the ring for mayor and he wants Jackie Biskupski. I said I am not a big fan of Jackie and think a lot of people want her just because she’s one of the power lesbians and not because she would necessary be good for SLC. I said if it comes down between her and Ralph Becker I’d vote for Ralph. I do not see what she has to offer. She hasn’t spelled out what she wants to do for the city and specifically what she wants to do for the west side. So after  eating pizza and talking politics Kyle confessed that he and Alan had the big talk and Alan told him that he doesn’t find him attractive anymore. He wants to stay in a relationship with Kyle though a platonic one. Well I’ve seen that story play out a lot where physical attraction turns to love and affection. So I took Kyle to bed because he needed someone to find him physical attractive. We do have good sex together and good chemistry. He fucked me twice and came then jacked off on me. They snuggled and petted afterwards which is what he needed as well as cumming. We were making love for nearly two hours before he had to leave and I had to take the dogs home. I am kind of dizzy still from the passion. I have no idea why Kyle finds older men attractive and sexy but grateful that he does. I once had a man in his 60’s fuck me at bare ass beach a quarter of a century ago and I wrote back then I let him because he needed intimacy and I needed to build up Karma for when I got that old and now here I am and a young man wants to embrace me at my age. I am not in love with Kyle Daniels. I am in love with Kyle Foote although I deny it all the time. On Monday when I had my paper work notarized at the credit union the young man who waited on me was also named Kyle. Strange…all these Kyles.

 

2 April 2015 Thursday

I suppose this is what it will be like when I retire because I lost track of what day it was. Thought it was Wednesday LOL. The weather has cooled off and they say a hard freeze tonight but I haven’t planted anything yet that the frost would kill. Kind of tired and blasé all day. The rash on my leg is coming back for which I took all that antibiotics at the beginning of the month. I will see Dr. Stoneburner sometime this month and I will ask to see a dermatologist. Most of my day at the computer. Except for taking Coco home I haven’t been out of the house. The wind is up because I hear the chimes.

 

3 April 2015 Friday

Lunar eclipse tonight. Spent 4 hours in the garden, pruning, raking, pulling weed, watering...I killed my lawn mower on Good Friday...Is that a bad omen

·         Alan Anderson Would you like to go to Politisauce next Thursday? (Democrat fundraiser) Stonewall Dems have some extra tickets that we would comp.

·         Benedgar let me check my schedule but should be okay

·         Charles Lynn Thank you Alan, but I have rehearsals for INTERSECTIONS that evening. The schedule is SET, since we only have 8 total rehearsals before opening. Thank you for the invitation and your kind consideration. PLUS if I have to see or hear Dabakis again, for quite some time, you have may red sauce all over the table, and that wouldn't be pretty now would it. Have fun. CLF

 

 

4 April 2015 Saturday

General Conference

 

5 April 2015 Easter Sunday

Cool breezy Easter morning in Salt Lake City... Thousands in the city to attend the Mormon April General Conference which falls on Easter this year. Buddy and Daisy had me up at sunrise ... Lucky is still in bed. Cloudless pretty morning...hope your day is filled with jelly beans, colored eggs, and chocolate bunnies and reflections on how good it is to be alive. Easter was a fun holiday in my family growing up...I don't remember any church activities but we always got new Easter clothes and had Easter egg hunts with all my cousins...once I found the goose egg that was bigger than the rest and I got a special prize of a solid chocolate bunny...yes they once were solid...another time my big sister talked me out of my Easter eggs and I won a prize for the least amount of eggs lol The Williams and Danforths got together as often as they could for Easter Picnics in the park...so much good food, ham, fried chicken, potato salads, deviled eggs and coconut frosted cakes... Never appreciated how special these people were until they were all gone... I miss my Grandma Williams who kept us all together...her birthday was March 31 and while I didn't post anything I thought about her all day.. Easter Dinner with the Queer Folk I fixed apricot honey glazed ham parsley potatoes, fried okra, corn with red bell peppers, candied yams, fresh green beans with bacon corn bread muffins, cream cheese on celery but I served a store bought pecan pie because I just threw this all together last minute... Wasn't even sure I'd fix a dinner but what is Easter without an Easter ham... Just a small bunch this year Chuck Whyte, Alan Anderson and Kyle G. Daniels ... I hope everyone had a nice Easter and tomorrow jelly beans go on sale! Had so much ham left over sent some home with the folks and made ham salad out of what was left ... Back to work tomorrow... If I am rambling Alan got me drunk. I am sooooo channeling Edna Turnblad will you keep that racket down! I'm trying to iron here and my diet pill is wearing off

·         Norma Mooney Barrett from the Bryant Group...Married Lynn Barrett from Rancho in 1997. Best Memories of grade school, los Alamitos, and Rancho.  I remember you, do you remember us ?  Looks like life has been good to you.

·         Benedgar Hi and happy Easter... Sorry took so long to respond I always forget to look in my other message boxes... I am surprised anyone remembers me I was shy in school and ditched a lot ... I lived on Dale Street 5 house down from the corner of Orangewood...  Jerry Smith and Loyd Davis were by best friends at Bryant...then I went off to Hare before I saw my old friends again at Rancho... I remember Lynn ... We must have a lot of classes together... I moved away from California to get Rocky Mountain High and got as far as Utah lol ... Retiring this year from being an elementary school teacher for 28 years... Life has been and hope ya'll has been good too

·         Norma You were a really nice guy, of course we remember you. Glad life has been good to you. Thanks for the response. I don't see a way to " Friend" you, just the message way of communicating.  that’s okay too, but don't forget to check

·         your messages from time to time.

·         Benedgar Thank you... I like the Rancho site nice to see how the class of 69 is doing ... Nice to hear from people who knew you as a kid... I love (most of the time) living in Utah but there's a disconnect that no one here knows my roots in Garden Grove... As I get older nice to connect with people who remember the Highway 39 Drive In... Huntington Beach in the summer, the old Stanton Plaza and the Dairy Farms, the strawberry road side stands...the old Orange County Plaza, Zody’s going to the movies at Garden Grove Theater or Brookhurst...the old Knotts Berry farm with chickens roaming the parking lot and it was free... The fireworks over Disneyland... No one here shares those same memories... I earth Google Dale Street once in a while to see the changes and realize home is just a memory now... Did you know Jerry Smith, Fred Townsend, or John Cunningham? Or Kathy Shaw or Diane Rutsche? Betty Eblem or Yvonne Rushing? Take care and thanks for thinking about me...

 

6 April 2015 Monday

Jim Dabakis announced he’s running for mayor.

 

7 April 2015 Tuesday

I had it with one of my spoiled entitled self-indulgent student today ... Tried to be patient with him all year...he constantly was disruptive today talking and distracting and disobeying so I moved the boy he kept bothering and I told him to stay in his seat and don't even stand up so what does he do? He stands up...I can take almost anything but disrespect and defiance...so I had to almost drag him down to the office...he kept saying he was defending himself and I told him no one was attacking him and when a teacher gives you a reasonable request you do it... He kept arguing and I finally told him to shut up... His mother always thinks teachers pick on him and she indulges him... Pulled him out for a week to take him to Disneyland... If she gives me any flack I am going to let her know what a bad parent she is... So how was your day? PS the kids in the class when I came back and apologized for my outburst said its okay...lol this one little girl hugged me and said he had it coming when he stood when I told him not too... Time to retire now. Finally sat down and paid my taxes...Last year I got a state refund of $124 this year $44... So much for the 5 percent flat tax Jon Huntsman touted... I got almost $400 less than last year on Fed Taxes and no my income did not go up.... well yes I made $200 more this year than last year but last year they took out $200 more in Fed withholding than this year... Crazy. Well someone has to pay taxes so Corporate America doesn't have too. Just glad I don't owe...If I didn't own a home I would.

 

8 April 2015 Wednesday

I woke up way too early this morning about 4:30 am. Kept having the strangest dreams and getting up to pee every few hours. Since I had early faculty meeting I just got up and fixed breakfast and read FB. The new principal was at the meeting and going over changing for next year. For me there's no next year so I don't care a wit. It rain today more of a drizzle although this evening it's coming down really good. Had 5th grade maturation this afternoon… My last one finally … The boys all giggle over penis erection scrotum…power must have gone off today because all the clocks were off. Daisy had a dirty butt so I washed her after taking Coco home. The engine light went off. Boys maturation ... My last time yay

 

9 April 2015 Thursday

 

10 April 2015 Friday

I was born in a little bitty Texas town of 750 people because it had the first co-op hospital in Texas built in 1940. My Dad's folks on the Danforth side helped start Earth Texas in the early 1920's. Mom and Dad were married in Olton in 1946. She was 16 and Dad 21 fresh out of the Navy. My mom's folks farmed in the community of Hart Camp just east of Amherst. Dad was farming at the time near Spade. After losing a crop to hail Dad became a policeman in Lubbock but after his partner was killed mom made him quit and we all moved to Southern California. First landed in a shack behind my Grandparent Williams in Downey but in November 1953 we moved to Orange County in a new subdivision in what became Garden Grove. We were in the Boonies... but Disneyland came in 1956 when I started kindergarten and Orange County took off. Surrounded by lots of cousins we soon became true California kids. I moved to Utah in January 1973 when I was 21 years old. Went out for a birthday lunch with my Armenian Ward Levon. We went to Ho Ho Gourmet this Chinese place on State Street that has been there forever and a day. It’s a small, crowded joint with a lunch crowd. It was good to catch up and all. He wanted to treat me so I let him but I made sure I had the lunch special LOL. It’s been a beautiful day so far. Kyle Foote called me on my birthday ad that was an extra special treat. I went to the Theater tonight with Bill Poore to see A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum up at the U of U. So nice that so many people me are giving me birthday wishes... A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum was a wonderful production full of Gay energy ... Wonderful way to spend my birthday

 

11 April 2015 Saturday

Once a hippie always a hippie...baking homemade granola this morning...raw oatmeal. flax seeds, pecan bits, coconut flakes, raisins, dried blueberries and cranberries, brown sugar, oil and water... I like cooked oatmeal for breakfast October through April and Granola cereal and milk for the rest of the year. Refuse to pay $8 for a bag of granola when for $2 I can buy a whole carton of oats. DI shopping with Kent Scadlock this morning and came home with a few treasures then went to Penny Ann's for a brunch over on Main Street and about 17th South. Popular place was very crowded. Kent bought lunch and we hogged a table for about 2 hours just gabbing and gossiping. Now to fix some banana pudding for the SAGE pot luck. Nice to catch up with old friends at SAGE Spring Potluck tonight. Being in the cultural hall of the Unitarian Church sure brought back memories of the old Affirmation Days with Russ Lane. Can you pull or sprain a chest muscle. I carried way too many groceries up the stairs yesterday and all day to day my right pectoral muscle has been cranky and sore.. kind of painful actually

 

12 April 2015 Sunday

Hilary Clinton finally made it official and said she is running for the Presidency of the United States. Well got my dishes done, kitchen cleaned and time for bed. I had a wonderful birthday weekend and except for straining a muscle in my chest it was perfect. Nighty night and don't let the bed bugs bite

 

13 April 2015 Monday

I love eating peanuts in the shell but I hate what my shirt looks like when I'm done

 

14 April 2015 Tuesday

At least 2 and 1/2 inches of snow on my deck out here by the Jordan River...I ain't shoveling ... Fierce winds roared through the valley because of temperature drop of 40 degrees... Had to keep the boys in and have the come to Jesus moment about farting in class to make the other boys laugh and pull t shirts over their heads... Sent the girls on to lunch and talked about being trashy instead of classy ... Some things you can't ignore... And it's usually the ones as dumb as a nail post that does it to disrupt the class...Battle zone limbs branches twigs everywhere blew my strawberry planter off the deck. So power goes off at 7 pm  and too windy and rainy to clean up mess... Power went off so pioneering it by kerosene lamp No internet so go to bed sleep 3 hours power comes on at 10 wakes me up can't fall asleep until midnight... Up at 6 to see snow everywhere and today is my long day when I won't get home until 9:30 ... The 5th grade is performing at west High the dances Ballet West has taught them all year. As soon as school is over we all take the school bus where to West where 5 other title one schools will be. At 7 is the performance...5 hours of sitting on hard stadium bleachers... It's a good experience for the kids but one long hard day for me...I've done it nearly 10 years now and this will be my last time...(and no we don't get paid over time for the extra hours) I started a project last December of posting my family histories on a blog... Well because I am compulsive and have no life... I spent the last 4 months being part detective part title searcher part historian and wrote nearly a fifty page essay on John Williams Sr. of Isle of Wight Virginia. So many on line postings had him so misidentified that I took it upon myself to track all the John Williamses of the latter half of the 17th century of Southside Virginia. Daunting task. But am satisfied with the data and logical conclusions for these lusty and fearless frontier folks... Know more about the frontier families of Blackwater River of Surry and Isle of Wight Counties then I ever thought I would... I love that it was Surry and Isle of Wight men who led the Bacon Rebellion against Royal Tyranny in 1676 100 years before the Revolutionary War... Fierce love of Freedom is in my blood. People ask what I am going to do when I retire and I think duh ... I should live long enough to get it all written down before I die and it all disappears... History began with writing ... Everything else is prehistoric... If you are not writing it down it didn't happen James Dabakis is better than Utah deserves

 

15 April 2015 Wednesday

Snowing in Bountiful has all morning but nothing is sticking in the parking lots or sidewalks... Kids hyper for sure... So glad I didn't volunteer last night for the schools hoe down ... Fire alarm went off 3 times and everyone was forced out of the school into the storm Took 40. Minutes to get to West High from Bountiful .... Just found out that one of my Spanish students mom isn't coming because doesn't have a vehicle so how the hell is he getting home tonight? Even though we left West High at 8:15 I am just getting home because of some fucking parent that made us wait outside in the snow and cold 20 minutes to come get their daughter and it wasn't even my student! It was the other teachers student and even though she said I could leave my mother didn't raise me to leave a woman and a child alone in a darken parking lot...so she gave her jacket to the girl and I gave mine to the teacher and fumed at what irresponsible idiots some parents are... They could not be bothered to go to the program and probably waited until their show was over... Ugh .... This is not isolated every year parents are late picking up their kids instead of being at school waiting... Oh well 5 hours I don't get paid for ... So very tired and nothing to eat since noon so my blood sugars are low and making me cranky

 

16 April 2015 Thursday

Salt Lake City International Airport reported 5 inches of snow — more than that particular station received in January, February and March combined.

Think I need to go see a dentist

 

17 April 2015 Friday

Brain too tired from Wednesday so yesterday came home and after feeding the pups left over KFC chicken left over from Tuesday's fiasco after school hoedown (we have like 50 boxes left over) I went to bed and mindlessly watched Hulu’s Resident Advisors about dorm life... I lived in dorms just twice ... Once in the fall of 1971at Cal state Fullerton and once in the winter 1973 at BYU ... Night and day differences ... At BYU I was surrounded by frustrated, repressed and horny 18 year olds ... Boy did I get wrestled a lot at Chipman Hall and I always managed to get pinned.... Can't get in to see a dentist until 300 Monday... Going to be a painful weekend Found a dentist in Centerville that can get me in at 230... It's getting progressively worse... So hoping for the best Left school at 2:00 to go see a dentist in Centerville and go to see an orthodontist. Had a cavity beneath a crown down to the bone... He said he couldn't guarantee saving it even with a root canal and he recommended extraction... 1 1/2 hours later got it all out...had to pop the crown and crack the tooth and pull it out bit by bit...the roots were tough sons of bitches and he had to perform surgery to get it all out ... Had to put stitches in. He said it was almost like having an impacted wisdom tooth... So he said my jaw is going to hurt like hell and to rest and rest some more.. I have some prescription generic Lortab when the pain kicks in... The asst said I looked like I was hanging out with Vampires from all the blood... Some got on my nose and forehead... It was messy but he was excellent and cute to boot

 

18 April 2015 Saturday

Beautiful day but I spent 4 ½ hours of it at school to prepare for a sub for Monday ... This is why teachers don't take off because it's more work than just coming in... That's why I have over 3 months of sick leave I've never used over the years plus 2 months of personal leaves...  I think I was the only one in today. I went directly to the genealogy library after that and worked until they closed at 5 pm. I swear they send all the homely missionaries to the Family History Library. Not a really cute one in the bunch and that’s saying a lot for 19 year olds. After feeding the dogs I was pooped and went to bed and watched  Seth Rogan’s This Is the End again and a movie that Bill Poore recommended called The Falls about 2 Mormon missionaries who fall  in love with each other. I liked it a lot but it was very difficult to watch bringing up all the emotional pain  of being a Gay Mormon.

 

19 April 2015 Sunday

My house is a wreck my jaw is still sore and popping pain pills. I made Amy Barry’s birthday carrot cake this morning. Her birthday was last Thursday.  She really loves my carrot cake and its pretty easy to make. I had left over batter so I made a smaller extra cake for Bill Poore. I worked on John Williams Sr of Isle of Wight Blog for much of the morning while the cake was baking and then waiting for it to cool off so I can put cream cheese frosting on it, Then I finally got around to cleaning the deck from all the debris from last Tuesday’s storm. Replanted the strawberries that blew off the railing. It was really a mess and as I finished that and began to work on all the dead branches all over the yard, Darrin Solomon peeked over the fence so I stopped working and had him come sit on the back porch to visit.  I thanked him for the card and cinnamon roll he dropped off for my birthday. We visited for about 45 minutes and he said that next Saturday he’d come over and help trim the globe willows that have so much dead wood on them.  After he left I went to town on the front yard with the leaf blower and then pulling weeds and picking up dead branches blown everywhere. I worked out there from about 1 pm until 3:30 when I came in and called Amy to see if I could deliver her the carrot cake. She was available so I said that I’d meet her half way at the Smiths on 6th East and 4th South. I also called Bill Poore up and said to meet me there too and I gave him the smaller carrot cake. When Amy arrived we talked a little politics and she convinced me that I should vote for Biskupski only because Ralph Becker has become an absentee mayor spending so much time back East with the Conference of Mayors. I guess what really convinced me was when the state legislature  dropped the ball on having a Soccer semiprofessional team play at the fairgrounds.   Rio Tinto owner was willing to build the stadium for free but wouldn’t unless the state guaranteed extending the fairgrounds lease which they didn’t. If Ralph would have been here may be he could have fought harder for the west side. Oh well. After that I came home and sat in the hot tub and relaxed. Tomorrow I think I will drain it.

 

20 April 2015 Monday

My doctor’s appointment was at 8:20 and even then it was almost 9 before I got to see Dr. Stoneburner. He’s been my doctor for nearly 20 years. I told him he was a pup when I first met him. I was worried that my A1C levels would be high because of the stress of the dentist appointment but I was pleasantly surprised that it dropped 3 points from 10.7 last January 20th to 7.5! Stoneburner was happy with that but not that I hadn’t really lost any weight. 237 lbs. from 238 lbs. last January.  My next appointment is July 30th at 8:20 again. I guess I will see a dermatologist and have a colonoscopy this summer.  Other than that I was really tired today but managed to finally change my sheets and make the bed as well as clean the bedroom good. The rest is going to have to wait.

 

21 April 2015 Tuesday

Took a pain pill this morning but feeling loopy at school and speaking too much has made my jaw more sore... Should take more time off but can't face creating more lesson plans ... I know it will get better just being diabetic things take longer to heal... Ouchy

 

22 April 2015 Wednesday

I am chomping at the bits to get me some drought resistant perennials and to plant my summer garden

·         Dear Kyle,  I got your letter day from April 19 so I am surprised it made such quick time getting here.  If this letter sounds loopy it’s because I’ve been on pain pills since the 17th. I did have a nice Birthday Weekend, Levon took me to lunch and in the evening went and saw A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.  It was hilarious and had such a fun evening. Bill said that his friend that directed it said only about 4 of the guys in it were straight and you could tell. It was so super campy lots of queer energy especially when Hysterium has to dress in drag to convince Miles Gloriosus that his bride is dead. Anyway it was fun. Saturday I was taken out to Brunch at the Penny Ann Café which is the latest trendy place for breakfast. That’s all it was… trendy but you know me I’m a home homo boy. That evening I took Chuck up to the Unitarian Church on 13th East for SAGE’s Spring Pot Luck. It was held in the Unitarian’s cultural hall and being in there made me nostalgic because that is where we held our Affirmation meetings back in the 1980’s and where I cooked a community Thanksgiving dinner for a couple of years. I saw ghost of all my young friends in my memory. There was this guy named Doug Webb who when I met him in 1986 was about 30 years old and dating this ballet dancer named Bobby Martinez who died of AIDS. He was there at SAGE. He knew Fran, and in my journal (because no one had last names back in those days) I always referred to him as “Doug Beautiful Blue Eyes”. I know he still loves me from back then when we were all struggling to create community.   Anyway a lot of the people I wanted to see didn’t come. I made Banana Pudding. I don’t know why but SAGE just pisses me off LOL. I see all these old people there and think where the hell were you when we needed you?  Now they think because they are Gay and old they should be catered to when they did nothing to help advance the cause.   Jackie Biskupski showed up for a few minutes to be seen. I have never seen her at these events before but now she wants our votes she wants to be seen as one of the people. I almost puked when I saw Charles go up to her and put his arms around her drawing her close to him and had this “I care about you” expression.  She stayed all of 15 minutes and took off. Didn’t even bother to sit down and eat. She is such an elitist.  Charles did announce that SAGE is going to be going through a lot of changes. He said last year the Pride Center budgeted $55,000 for SAGE but only $15,000 this year! Holy Shit $55,000! When we were running support groups and organizing if we got $500 we thought we were super rich. Well you know most of that $55,000 went to salaries. So SAGE is dropping a lot of programs and Charles is resigning from being a part time advisor to SAGE.  Amy Barry’s birthday was the 16th and I baked her a carrot cake with cream cheese icing that she likes so much I have made her one for the past three years. I don’t keep in touch with her much outside of Facebook. She got her a new job working for the state in the History Archives cataloging all of Utah’s cemeteries…What a dream job that would have been for me. When I dropped off her cake I met her and Bill Poore (who I made a mini- carrot cake for also) at Smith’s on 6th East. She convinced me not to vote for Ralph Becker, not that she is a supporter of Jackie’s. Her reasoning was that Ralph is never here. He’s always back east at some National Mayor Conference function and leaves the running of the city to his chief of staff David Everitt who Amy can’t stand. The clincher was when I said I was so mad at the legislature for dropping the ball about having a Soccer stadium built at the Fairgrounds. The owner of Rio Tinto was willing to bring a minor league soccer team to Salt Lake and build a stadium with his own money on the condition that the legislature renews its 99 year lease of the land. The legislature wasn’t against it but no one was there to lobby for it. Amy said that if Ralph wasn’t gone so much maybe he could have fought for it. I said that Jackie won’t do anything for the Westside either. She hasn’t even come up with a temporary plan to help the west. The only time eastside Salt Lakers even think about the west is when they eat at Red Iguana. So I won’t be voting for Ralph Becker, even though I think he’s a good guy, his interests are elsewhere. I was very disappointed when Jim announced just 9 days after announcing his candidacy that he was dropping out. I don’t know the details but Jackie and he had a power luncheon to discuss one of them dropping out.  Jim’s statement made it sound like he was being magnanimous not wishing to divide the Gay and democrat vote which might have let a Republican win but knowing Jim there had to be much more to it. Maybe I am being paranoid but with Jackie’s connections with Jim Winder and the Unified Police I wonder if he was worried that dirt about him and hubby Steven might come out. Being Mayor of SLC is a much higher profile job than a Senator from a Democratic district.  I was so mad I dropped a lot of people from Facebook who couldn’t even be gracious enough to thank Jim for his decision. Times are changing but I’d surprised if Jackie won. Her base is in Cottonwood and Draper not SLC. By the time you receive this letter may be the Supreme Court will have decided on marriage equality. Whatever they decide,  it will be historic. Of course the Mormons have to be on the wrong side of history again with filing an amicus brief.  As you know we are a “counterfeit” lifestyle incapable of knowing love. I hate to hear that you may have been denied some promotions because of homophobic guards. It could be worse. I know I am old but my advice to you is let it go. You are powerless over people places and things especially in prison. Bide your time. Be yourself. You know who you are and that is all that matters. Keep your eye focused on the real prize and that is recovering from the thinking that got you sent to prison and getting out to start your life over. Don’t dwell on it or it will fester and make your life more miserable. They may cage your body but they can never cage your spirit, mind, and intellect.  Concentrate on what makes you a better person. Concentrate on the gifts you will take with you when you leave; leave all the resentment baggage behind.  I know it is easy to say and yet so hard to put in practice.  These guards are only projecting on to you their own insecurities and prejudices.  They don’t know you or love you. Don’t let them have any more control over you beyond them doing their jobs.  Who knows your conduct might change their minds when they discover Gay people in their own families. I always said that every Gay man should be a feminist. As soon as you come out as a Gay Man you lose your male privilege and are relegated to being regarded as a woman and since in Patriarchal Societies females exist to sexually satisfy males, feed them, and do shit work, those are the roles that are given to Gays. Males see women as either mothers or whores and since Gay men can’t be mothers we are deemed whores.  As Eleanor Roosevelt said No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. Is this Robert guy your celly? Is there any chance of you explaining your feelings to him and he would get it?  As bad as it is for Gay men can you imagine the hell transgender people who identify as females go through when place in prison by their genitalia and not their identity?   A week ago was the “I Can Do Dance” at West High School. It made for a very long day and even longer because my tooth began to ache. I made sure all my students had parents taking them home after the dance rather than ride the bus back to school However Mrs. Peterson had one Mexican girl who parents didn’t come and had to ride back with us. So here it’s 8:30 at night. We are standing in a snow storm sheltered a little bit from the wind by an overhang. The girl didn’t have a coat so Jeny gave her hers and I gave Jeny my jacket. We called mom as soon as we had gotten back to school and she said she’d come get her and I thought you stupid stupid woman why aren’t you here at the school waiting for us instead of us having to wait on you. 10 minutes go by then another 10 minutes and I am furious. Jeny said I should just leave but I said I could not leave a woman and a child in a darken parking lot in a snow storm. I was not raised that way. Finally the bitch shows up to get her kid 20 minutes after we called and she lived within the neighborhood of the school.  So no matter how much I planned I still ended up waiting for asshole parents to pick their kids up. The next day I wake up with my back left molar hurting but I make it through the day and I had to be there Friday for the school wide dance assembly but I called a Dentist to make an appointment. They were booked until Monday and I thought I could last until then but as the day progressed the more I was suffering and I knew I couldn’t go all weekend without some type of relief So I was able to get an emergency appointment in Centerville. I left as soon as the kids were gone. I was lucky that the Orthodontist was at the center that day. He took x-rays and said that I had a cavity down to the bone beneath a molar I had a cap on. He said that he could do a root canal and another cap but there would be no guarantee that it would hold because the tooth was so damage. He recommended extraction and I agreed.  Well the tooth was impacted and first they had to pop the cap off and since the tooth wouldn’t come out, he had to crack and break the tooth apart and take it out in pieces. However the roots were so attached that he had to do surgery to pry them out of my jaw. I was a bloody mess. The assistant said I looked like I was feasting with vampires. An hour and a half later it was all gone and I was stitched up and he gave me some major pain pills and even with those I have been hurting ever since. My jaw is swollen. I don’t eat anything I have to chew. In fact it was hurting so much today I went back in just to see if it had gotten infected and needed anti-biotics. He said it all looked fine and that he’d take the stitches out sooner than he was planning. He said, though, that because he had to chisel down to some major nerves all the teeth on the lower left will hurt for a while to.  And it’s been no fun at school dealing with kids who take advantage of me not feeling well. Sometimes I feel like sitting my head down and bawling.  The pills dull the pain but doesn’t take it completely away but the dentist did prescribe me some more but hopefully this will start to heal soon. It was like I had my wisdom teeth pulled and going to back to work the same day. Saturday I went into work for four hours to plan for my substitute I had already planned for to see my regular doctor for my quarterly diabetes checkup. That went well except I hadn’t lost the weight he wanted me to lose since last January. But the best news was that I got my A1C blood sugars down from 10.7 last January to 7.5.  So I am proud of that. Don’t want to lose a foot in my old age.  So as the joke goes “Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the theater?” I am glad you are getting the TV guide again and I hope it will stay regular now and that the Q and your other magazines are coming on time.  Kyle you also need to check with the officials there when my yearly visitation form needs to be renewed so we don’t have the hassle we had last summer. I got my yearly license form today that I have to send into the doctors for my diabetes. If you have diabetes your license is almost on a year by year permit. That’s a pain. I will put money on your accounts. You should have it by the time this letter reaches you. I haven’t forgotten that you want a list of movies but because of everything thing that has happened I haven’t gotten to it. The storm you had down there in Gunnison was as bad or worse up here. Monday the 12th Winds were whipping through the valley making it dark as can be and when I got home the front yard and back yard were littered with broken tree limbs and twigs. It blew everything off the railings on the deck.  It looked like a bomb went off but thankfully no trees came down and no damage to the hot tub. But it started to rain so I couldn’t begin to clean up and then about 7 pm the power went off until 10 pm. I had my kerosene lantern but just decided to go to bed  because what else could I do? The battery to my phone was low so I didn’t want to lose it in case of an emergency.  When the power came on of course it woke me wide awake and I couldn’t get back to sleep until after midnight. The next morning there was 4 inches of snow on the deck! Facebook was lit up with people commenting about winter following spring, In fact we had more snow here at the airport than we did all winter! The Governor is already talking water restrictions and a bad fire season this summer but the stupid doofus said in a news interview that he isn’t convinced that climate change is man made because the “science isn’t in.” What a moron.   Well he is a Republican. God I’d be so embarrassed to be a Republican looking at all the imbeciles running for President from the GOP. I guess you heard that the Capital 13 were fined $100 each and placed on a 3 month probation. I bet either Donna Weinholtz or Jim Dabakis will foot the bill.  I think I told you that right before my birthday a cabal of A Lister Gays went to Las Vegas. The Marquardts, Turpins, Weinholtz, Kent Frogley, Troy Williams and Jim Dabakis, a dirty dozen. Of course nobody knows why. Michelle Turpin’s officially reason was to look at Las Vegas’ Pride Center but since Beeno Solomon lives in Vegas now I suspect they all went down there to plot and plan about keeping the Pride Center afloat. They were denied $100,000 for a building grant because they weren’t financially solvent.  Be interesting to see what happens after Pride Day.  Two staff members quit and Dayne Law that Trans that gave me so much shit last year is taking a medical leave. So you are learning a lot about Texas? So many people here absolutely hate Texas and I have to remind them that we put Orrin Hatch in office over 36 years and God knows that crook Michael Lee will be there 36 years more. I was born in a little bitty Texas town of 750 people called Amherst in Lamb County up on the High Plains because it had the first co-op hospital in Texas built in 1940. My Dad's folks on the Danforth side helped start Earth Texas in the early 1920's. Mom and Dad were married in Olton in 1946. She was 16 and Dad 21 fresh out of the Navy. My mom's folks farmed in the community of Hart Camp just east of Amherst. Dad was farming at the time near Spade. After losing a crop to hail Dad became a policeman in Lubbock but after his partner was killed mom made him quit and we all moved to Southern California. First landed in a shack behind my Grandparent Williams in Downey but in November 1953 we moved to Orange County in a new subdivision in what became Garden Grove. We were in the Boonies... but Disneyland came in 1956 when I started kindergarten and Orange County took off. Surrounded by lots of cousins I soon became true California kid. I moved to Utah in January 1973 when I was 21 years old six years before you were born. Well tomorrow my piece on Gay Cruising will be performed at Art Access across from the Rio Grande on 5th West. The performance is called INTERSECTIONS: Performance Readings from the Writings of LGBT Adults & Their Allies. Mine is just one of several pieces that will be read by local artists and directed by Charles Frost. He said at SAGE that mine will be one of the best because the actor was able to bring out the humor and pathos in what I wrote. So I am kind of anxious to see a work of mine performed. Keep writing in your journal. You are only a writer if your write.  Well I’ve been at this for two hours so I guess I should close and get ready for bed besides my pill is wearing off and the jaw is starting to throb (and not in a good way as in the good old days).  I am reminded over and over again how you once said to me that our relationship is our relationship and how it was special in and of itself.  I wish sometimes that we were on the same timeline because I’d love to see you grow and mature and see all the good things that will happen to you once you put the idea that material things matter behind you.  As I grow order the more I realize we own nothing. It’s all a temporary illusion. Everything I think I own will be scattered after I’m gone and eventually turn to dust. However I have one certainty that love is the energy that cannot be destroyed. As your friend wrote in the Butterfly effect what we do ripples out in to the world. I know that love is not finite. I know that my love for you will affect countless people that you in turn will love.  We are just but passing a torch as we run our little race. I know that after I am gone you will have a flicker of memory that you are loved and you will smile and pass that love on to others.           See I said this letter would be loopy. But it is not loopy when I say I miss you every day and think about you every day and cannot be sad that we aren’t together because what was the chances that we were ever together in the first place? Too much to be grateful for. +Your friend Ben,

 

23 April 2015 Thursday

My jaw and teeth were hurting so bad today I went back to my dentist Jonathan Egbert worried I might have an infection... He said everything looks fine and he is going to take the stitches out next Wednesday instead in May.. He said that he had to go in so deep that the nerves to the teeth on the lower jaw was affected and that is why it all hurts so much but he gave me a prescription for more pain pills because I only have 4 left ... But because it's earth day I had to buy some perennials to plant when I get to feeling better When I came home I saw someone wrote on my sidewalk in chalk “You’re Gay” and by it a smiley face. Well word spreads fast... I've only lived here 19 years... I wonder if it was my 20 foot rainbow flag that use to drape my hot tub or was it the fact I am the only one who keeps my yard up? Just got in from taking Chuck Whyte home after a thoroughly enjoyable evening at the performance of Intersections staged readings at Art Access. Charles Lynn Frost directed 3 actors who read a variety of prose and poetry written by local Gays and Allies. The readers were local artists Nellie Gwynn, Appio Hunter and Chris lemon. Sat with Maggie Snyder and Dr. Kristen Ries two of the finest people walking this planet. Chris Lemon read my piece called Finding Home... I have never had anything I've written interpreted by an actor before... It was amazing how an actor can breathe life into words. Maggie's piece "my people" brought me near tears but I refused to cry any more over AIDS. Shed enough tears...hers was my favorite piece but what a great performance with lots of humor, love, tears...our queer stories ... I highly recommend going. "This production is dedicated to all our LGBTQ brothers and sisters who have passed on - all who had important lives, all who had amazing stories, most of them unable to ever share those vital stories."

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Sounds wonderful. And I totally agree with what you wrote about Kristen Ries and Maggie Snyder. I will be indebted to those women for not only prolonging my best friends life but also giving him a quality of life. I would love to read your piece Finding Home.

·         Jerry Buie Ben Edgar Williams..... Yours was my favorite...... Almost had to get naked but exercised restraint...... To be honest each piece was brilliant in its own right..... I was literally laughing one moment and tearful the next..... But Ben..... Yours was juicy!

·         Kevin Scott There were some really engaging and powerful moments. And Ben, you made me blush. Probably out of recognition.

·         Kendall Wilcox HI Ben Jim Dabakis has been urging me to connect with you for a couple years. I have been following your work with the Utah Stonewall Historical Society and am so thankful for all your hard work. I am one of the producers of the documentary film about the Kitchen case and the battle over same sex marriage in Utah. We are telling that story in the context of the overall history of LGBT rights in Utah and of course you are the expert on that story. As part of that effort we are also launching an oral history project to gather as many Utah LGBT stories as possible and will archive them on the website utahlgbtstories.org. We would like to interview you and collaborate with you on the oral histories project. We'd particularly like to reference all your research you've posted on benwilliamsblogger.blogspot.com. Is this something you would be interested in? Take care Kendall

·         Benedgar If it's history I am interested ... There are a slew of videos that were made about 2009 that were made by two college kids with a grant from I believe the art council

·         Kendall I have seen a few of those. They are linked on your Facebook page, no? or are they linked on your blogspot site? We would love to link to those on the new site as well as adding new content.

·         Benedgar I will be out of school at the end of May and will have a lot more time available to get together and see how I can help you with your project... Anything I've blogged or put on FB is open domain as far as I am concern... It's to be used , refined and added to... We are lucky in Utah we can trace our beginnings....

·         Kendall Right on! Looking forward to working with you. We should have the beta of the landing page ready by end of week. We'll keep you posted and linked-in and then connect in person later in May. Thanks again Ben.

 

24 April 2015 Friday

I took off from school today. I Had to get doctor Stoneburner to sign a note I can drive with diabetes to send to Driver’s License division... Every year after my birthday for the rest of my life... Bought some flowers and veggies to plant...got my tomatoes in before it started raining hard now off to the Pride Center to keep an eye on them ...Just got home this rainy evening from a community center meeting at the Pride Center to hear the board answer questions. There were about 5 board members there Kent Frogley and the treasurer and secretary executive committee. I counted only about 20 people showing up. Kent said that the board is looking for specific skill sets that are needed as in Human Resources, Legal Counsel, Accounting, Programming, advocacy, and social therapy. Jerry Buie asked if the board had lost the vision of the Pride Center while not addressing that Kent spoke to priorities of the center right now. That is to continue to operate and grow programs, Recruit an executive director to develop programs, make Pride Day a success so as to fund the Center's programming. For the last 3 pride days they have been making less and less money. Spent $60,000 on entertainment last year as opposed to $30,000 the year before and less people came. Only projecting $117,000 to $125,000 to be made off of Pride this year with $75,000 needing to be replaced in the Pride Day Account that was already advanced. SAGE questions were referred back to Jerry. At least a third or more of the people there were from SAGE. Youth and Trans were questioning commitment to programming since it no longer has a staff director. The question of the perception of diversity on the board was raised. Kent said that its crucial now to have people with skills sets rather than just have token representation of each subgroup. The board was adamant that there will be more guidance and supervision of what ever ED they hire and that that person will interact more with the community. Things got a little testy between board member Jesse Nix and Jerry... I was very impressed with Michael Aguilar the new Treasurer and Jason Suker the new Secretary. The public meetings are to be the Thursday now before Board Meetings. Across the street... Fire truck ambulance and all....can't be too serious the television is still going full blast. I am not a religious man anymore but I know that God loves Gay people because he sent us Dr. Kristen Ries. She came to Utah to specialize in geriatric medicine but she arrived just as AIDS was infecting our community. In the 1980's she over saw the care of every single AIDS case because no other physician in Utah would. As miraculous as that a nurse named Maggie Snyder became her assistant and together they cared for the sick and dying: the untouchables. They gave the last tender care to these young men on their death beds. India may have had Mother Theresa but we have Dr. Kristen Ries and Maggie. Nearly every obituary of people who died from AIDS, their families honored Kristen Ries and Maggie Snyder. God sent us angels when we needed them most. I am most honored to know them. When April Showers may come your way... They bring the flowers that bloom in May

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Does the center have any function except for a building that needs extensive remodeling. Which ultimately they won't even own. It seems to me that it hasn't any focus, doesn't serve any purpose, and is so broken, it can't be repaired. To be nice, the headline talent for Pride Day, is third rate. I don't understand why they don't feature local talent, honor local people and make it UTAH pride. Is it any wonder that numbers are down? Times are changing. Gay pioneers have worked hard to get where we are now. The center desperately needs to address the needs of gay people now. An aging population, the high rate of young people committing suicide , homeless gay youth, gay parenting, etc. It needs to be a resource center, a safe place for people to just hang out, rebuild the library. The Pride Parade should be for funding the center, a coffee shop open for additional funding. Something like the old RiNo’s Nest. (I think that was its name.) And it should change its name to the Utah Stonewall Resource Center. It has such potential, a shame at the current rate it is going it is headed for failure.

·         Richard P. Butler Has the word gotten out to the entire Gay community about the center? My step-son Austin and his boyfriend Dustin never talk about this "Center" just saying a louder voice or newsletter on line would go a long way in helping.

·         Bill Poore I totally agree with you Ron, the Center seems to just cater to issues of some the LGBTQ not all. I don’t find it inclusive at all. I think they have run off the Majority of the community from wanting to be involved. I for one feel MARGINALIZED . There is a Trans Month (Nov) and now A Bisexual Month (Sept) where is the Lesbian, Gay Month, (where are the young gay men anywhere, who basically are the majority of the community, they seemed to be left out.) I don’t find it a very Gay Friendly environment and have not for years. I was actually yelled at in the Center for using the wrong term in referring to a group.....I don’t feel comfortable there, sorry . I consider myself part of the Gay community, not the LGBTQ. I have lived in every major gay community in the nation Village NYC, West Hollywood LA, Castro SF, Hillcrest San Diego and never have felt more unwelcome in part of this community since coming back to Salt Lake City. They need to spend more time building Community than promoting each of the L G B T Q at the expense of the others. I blame this totally on the leadership at the Pride Center, and the Board, no back bone, weak as water as Mrs. Sloan would say. I feel much more comfortable having Equality speak for me

·         Kevin Scott Bill, I respect everything you said and don't disagree. However you complain about being marginalized in one breath and then say you won't walk in the place to be heard. You are right about UPC, but it's fluid and I give this board credit for trying (although the head of it all seems disingenuous). There's new blood and I'm glad I was there to chime in

·         Bill Poore Well Kevin it for sure takes new blood and I am happy you were there. I actually was represented by Edgar Ben Williams.

·         Kevin Scott On another topic, they claim that the center is so much more than the building and cite other people's hard work. But then we have to realize that community is grass roots, not all top-down. We need more people showing up and saying exactly what Bill, Ben and Roland are saying.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren I do agree with Kevin that instead of posting frustrations on Facebook, we should show up and start talking, but I must confess, I have strong doubts that I would be heard or even welcome. Every time I have gone to the Pride Center, just walking in, I have felt less than welcome. And, Kevin, some of us have fought for so long, we are just tired.

·         Doug White The timing for the meeting could not have been worse ... a Friday night, two days’ notice and then no one at UPC seems to give a thought to checking the calendar to see what other events may be in conflict. Wise up UPC board. You are fast losing any community support you did have.  

·         Bill Poore Again totally agree with you Roland, I have felt the same way just walking into the Center. I have been active having marched with ACT UP in NYC while my brothers were dropping like flies while the City and Federal government refused to even meet with us. I totally know what fighting for my community is, been there done that in major battles.

·         Kevin Scott Roland, I get it. I do. The whole 'paid your dues' thing. There's other areas of life where I feel the same way. And I have no judgments about that, honestly. But I also have hope that new blood (such as myself) who haven't had to fight for so long might eventually get it right, so for that, perhaps they could use a little encouragement and benefit of the doubt. The leadership needs to listen, and if these hour long meetings continue to get support, there's hope. Yeah, there's some douchery up top, but there are some board members that give me hope.

·         Terry Gillman For years I've heard feedback from people in the community about the center being a "Lesbians Only" Zone. I know that the center is presently in Flux. I know this may not be the right place to sound off about my thoughts and feelings on the center, however I want to put it in words anyway. It's been my personal experience on my last several visits over the years that the center is not friendly, not personal, and not welcoming. We need to put more focus on creating a welcoming, friendly space for all sexual minorities. We also need to be welcoming to anyone walking in the door seeking information about us. ANYONE walking into UPC needs to be greeted warmly and given the opportunity to get the information, support, love that moved them to appear at the center in the beginning. I can speak for others, but I will only speak for myself. This has not been my experience in years. I have not made a donation nor have I bought tickets to Pride for years because I refuse to support an organization that doesn't have a focus on the community it supports. I make that statement fully realizing how much political support the Center has contributed, but it's a community center, not a political organization. If I'm wrong in that, so be it. But make sure the Mission statement is updated to reflect that the UPC is a professional lobbying organization and not a community center. P.s. Edgar Ben Williams thank you for posting a summary of the meeting as many people may not have been aware of its existence.

·          Edgar Ben Williams At the old location there was a reason to hang out there.. To visit... Drink coffee ...meet people...what is there to do at the new location? As a friend pointed out tonight when you walk in there’s a big sign saying the youth area is off limits and the Trans have a large meeting room but where is there a space for old men to sit around drink coffee and reminisce? The center is now focused on services but not providing a center for our community... I know people are doing the best they can but what is the vision or mission of the center anymore... Is it just a service oriented organization or is it a social organization? The old Utah Stonewall Center was a social organization as was the old center on 3rd west... Since moving to the new building it’s been more about providing services... That certainly doesn't build community.

·         Kevin Scott They say they still want that - by transforming the downstairs area. But as long as the parking is what it is, sadly I can't envision that ever happening. I suppose there is Trax, but still...

 

25 April 2015 Saturday

Couldn't sleep past 4:30 so got up and wrote until 8:30 then had a little breakfast and wrestled Daisy into the bathtub to give her a good hosing, pick all the burrs out of her fur and refreshed her cooter and under carriage so at 10 went out to tackle pulling weeds and planting flowers and veggies. It is so much easier to pull weeds after a good soaking...filled up two huge trash cans and worked until 2:00... Think I over did it but got to get the farmer out once in a while... Pulled a clump of grass and up came the biggest fattest earth worm I had ever saw... Big as a cigar... Made me jump back....I know worms are good for the soil but they creep me out...after getting all my chores done sat in the hot tub... Now time for a nap don't you think? Bill Poore treated me to dinner at a Chinese place next to a Mexican store and we talked queer the whole time... Love the rain watering everything I planted

 

26 April 2015 Sunday

Raining hard here west of the Jordan River... Rain on the roof and deck woke me up... It's a driving rain against the house...all the pups want to cuddle so they are all in bed with me...snug as a bug in a rug... Feel sorry for anyone sleeping out in the open this early morning... Feel sorry for the people of Napal ... Massive 8 point earthquake ... Thousands dead ..and all American news is focused on is Bruce Jenners troubled life. And oh yes major Volcanic eruption in Chile with a 7 mile high ash plume. Took advantage of the soaking rain last night and went and pulled grass and weeds for 3 hours... I love to pull weeds when they just lift out of the ground... Just like to see things growing and pretty but I am beat.

 

27 April 2015 Monday

Perhaps Mario Rubio should read all our founding documents like the Declaration of Independence that as Americans we hold as fundamental truths that all people are equal and endowed with inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness and the 14th amendment to the Constitution...The Equal Protection Clause is part of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution. It provides that no state shall deny to any person within its jurisdiction "the equal protection of the laws." Equal means equal... Dumb ass Rubio the law was put in place to protect people of color like you to protect people like you from the people who would vote for your hateful ideology.

 

28 April 2015 Tuesday

Came home from work and mowed the lawn with my new lawn mower that was delivered yesterday. Cleaned up some flower beds and transplanted a forsythia bush and before I knew it I had been outside for two hours. Front yard getting all spiffy while across the street they put a toilet out on the walk leading to their steps so that is what I get to see.

·         Kathy Cushman regarding Darrell Webber I miss him still and it still makes me cry.  Why I wasn't called to testify haunts me.  I knew him better than most and was not a gay man, but a straight woman. I always comfort myself knowing the murderer was covered in Darryl's blood and that Darryl was HIV positive.  I hope Marty died a miserable AIDS death.

·         Benedgar I guess his sons are all grown young men now. Did they go back to North Carolina?

·         Kathy I saw them when his oldest sons was about 18.  They were living with their mom who is a mess. I haven't had contact with them for 20 years. I was moving to back from Vegas the weekend it happened  I Found out when we got here and opened a paper to look for housing and the article was there.  I still cry for him. I took flowers to his grave for many years.

 

29 April 2015 Wednesday

Got my stitches out at the dentist today...jaw still sore but not excruciating as it was. My cute dentist said the tooth would have been lose . It would only have taken about a week to mend but since it was surgery and had to drill into the jaw he said expect a month... Oh well I count my blessings...I could be like the poor people of Napal, no medicine, no food, no shelter...

 

30 April 2015 Thursday

I don't know what is wrong with me but when I come home I go out in the yard and work until dusk. I started on the back yard after planting some squash, thyme, and more tomatoes in the front yard and watered everything. In the back started clearing some of the broken limbs from the storm earlier this month...some over 12 feet long and started raking all the twigs and branches into piles... It's what my friend Richard P. Butler calls Pride of Home Ownership... I call it a chronic condition...

·         Christopher Katis  Hey Ben, my friend  Mitzi (also on this IM) asked me if I knew anyone that new about the LGBT history of Utah, and you (natch) were top of mine. Her brother-in-law is doing a book about a lesbian love triangle murder back in the 60s, and he wanted to talk to someone that could elaborate on what life was like back then, etc. Not sure if that's your wheelhouse, but it seemed to be.  Mitzi is a great person, and Ben a great writer reminding folks that there was a time...Perhaps you guys can swap info or Mitzi can give you her bro-in-law's number. Thanks!

·         Benedgar Is he doing it on Jean Sinclair from 1963?

·         Christopher Yes! That's the name!

·         Benedgar Signature books has a book called Unforgiven that has a lot about Sinclair  Peterson and Foster... Some of the court records are on line... I have stuff from that time... Very closeted. Have him contact me and I will send him all that I have from the time period that he is working on

·         Christopher Thanks, Ben. Is there a good email or # for him to reach out to you?

·         Benedgar Benedgar51@yahoo.com

·         Christopher Thanks!

·         Mitzi Thanks Ben.  I have given my brother-in-law David Wetzel your email.

 

May

1 May 2015 Friday

Super tired today since I didn’t get a good night sleep last night. I was up about 6 times peeing. My blood sugars were not high only 140 so I don’t know what could have caused it. Being old probably and bladder getting weaker may be. Leaving for work this morning I saw a cute little skunk scamper between my yard and my neighbor and then hide behind my neighbors cart that is full of wood ... They are so cute but I hope he stays out of my back yard so the dogs don't get sprayed. Anyway I will have about 5 more weeks or 24 days before school ends. It’s getting there. I had my last silent auction and I am glad to do it for the good kids in my class but there are some that I can’t wait to send them on their way. Fixed a hamburger for supper after taking Coco home but then I went and started working on the back yard.  I put on my overalls finally that I bought from Sears a few weeks ago and they fit just fine. I was worried because I bought a smaller size than usual. I also planted two summer squash plants and six tomato plants. The ones I bought last week look like they might have gotten a tad touched by a cold night. I also planted some thyme. Then on to the backyard. The grass really needed mowing but I had to get all the broken limbs, branches, and twigs picked up and raked up first. It was a chore and I worked almost until 9 pm until giving up but I have neat little piles and I filled up already my yard waste trash can.  Well it’s a great way to celebrate Beltane by working on the yard and clearing away old man winter.

 

2 May 2015 Saturday

I was up several times peeing again but not as much as yesterday. My blood sugars this morning was 127. I weighed myself because I thought maybe I am peeing off weight. My scale said I was slightly less than 229 lbs. Probably not feeling like eating because of my tooth and then working in the yard in the evening has made me lose weight. I worked a little more on John Williams Sr of Isle of Wight Virginia this morning and had pancakes, bacon, and eggs this morning with hot coffee. I make more pancakes than I should but then the pups like to have some for breakfast too so I share. At 10 a.m. I started in on the back yard again cleaning up the twigs,, raking, pulling weeds, and moving castle bricks. I decided to have a straight line going towards the west fence rather than this curve one. Last year I planted all these shrubs and flowers and every one of them except one died. Too much shade I think. I am also rebuilding my twig fence that separates what little flower garden I have from the rest of the yard. Might as well use the branches for something. Then Darrin Solomon came over about 11:30 and he trimmed a lot of the dead limbs off of the globe willows and now I have stacks and stacks of wood now to figure out what to do with. We worked up a storm until 1:30 and then called it quits… we were both tired. Darrin is about 10 years younger than me but we are both too old to be scrambling up trees. I know he wants to lay with me and I guess I will put out for him for all that he did for me today. I wanted to lay down and take a nap when Bill Poore called and said he was in the area and wanted to drop by and visit which he did. Nothing new, just visiting. I wore my overalls and farmer straw hat just for him lol. He wants to go fishing but hasn’t found anyone to go with. Maybe I will have to go with him something. Then Kyle Daniels started messaging me wanting to hot tub but I think really to have sex with me. I know it probably disgusts some people that an old guy like me is still having sex but I am just a flower and the bees come to me. How can I refuse? I am just a flower. A Gayflower.

 

3 May 2015 Sunday

I spent much of the morning compiling information  on Jean Sinclair a Lesbian convicted in 1963 of murdering the male lover of her lover LaRae Peterson here in SLC. It’s for a man named David Wetzel who is writing a book about it. I really didn’t do much else except I did make a meatloaf, cheese and macaroni and a berry cobbler for lunches this week. My Ogden friends wrote this about Intersections “This afternoon we were privileged to attend a staged reading called "Intersections". The stories that were read (performed) were submitted by 18 LGBT persons and straight allies. They depicted their methods of navigating their lives. They were very moving. After the story "The Night Jeff Died" I turned to Marilyn and sobbing said, "Please don't ever get sick." Others stories left the us laughing hysterically. Ben Williams we loved your experience of "Finding Home". Thanks Art Access, SAGE and Charles Lynn Frost for producing such relevant entertainment. I hope that there will be more readings like this in the future.  Charles Lynn Frost, Director, introducing the actors from left, Appio Hunter, Chris Lemon and Nellie Gywnn.

 

4 May 2015 Monday

Damn I need to stop hanging around theater people...dreamed Bill Poore had me rehearsing some musical with all these young college kids who were auditioning... I was like a hundred years older than the rest but could keep up with the singing because like any Gay man worth his Salt I knew all the lyrics to Sondheim but I couldn't dance even with the feather boa Bill gave me as a prop and then I saw Charles Lynn Frost looking down from the balcony shaking his head... I am exhausted now even before getting ready for work. Bill Poore said, “Dream means: Simple pre-retirement anxiety: You competing with younger men, not being able to dance as well, as usual you are competing with young gay chorus boys.”

·         Dear Kyle, I hope you are well. I haven’t heard from you for a while so I thought I’s drop you a line from this end.  In one more month school will be out and I will be done with teaching. It’s been a long hard road but it certainly had its rewards to but I am done. People ask if I will miss the kids and honestly I can say no. Times have really changed and so have the kids.  We require so much more from them now and they aren’t any brighter than they were 10 years ago or even 20 for that matter. They are more techno savvy but have little social skills and many more kids are just loners. I worry what is to become of them? Today is May 4th and I know this date doesn’t mean much to you but I can’t help but think back to 1970. It was a Monday. I was finishing in my freshman year at Cypress College in California. After morning classes I went to my job at Taco Bell joined later by my first love John Cunningham who came in with a shocked look on his face and shouted, "They're killing students at Kent State". I will never forget that moment. Nixon had just expanded the war into Cambodia and protests by the peace movement activists broke out across the campuses of the nation. The National Guard were called out by the Ohio Governor onto the campus of Kent State where they fired into a crowd of students throwing rocks to protest the presence of the guard on campus. With the news of the death of students, there was a cry to shut down the California higher education system in protest. Governor Ronald Reagan said he'd keep them open at the point of bayonets if he had to but he conceded to state school regents concerned over property damage so he ordered the state campuses closed. Students then took over the colleges and university and near me Cal State Fullerton. Students there declared it a free university with free workshops, anti-war guerilla theater, and lots and lots of speakers with bull horns. I spent a week there attending antiwar protests and alternative classes. I remember seeing about 30 naked students being photographed and flipping off the governor with a sign captioned “Fuck You Reagan”. The first time I saw so, so many snatches but it was the cute long haired hippy guys I couldn’t take my eyes off of. Dupont had a building on campus surrounded by guardsmen but except for a lot of vigorous rhetoric nothing happened. Dupont was involved with Napalm which was being dropped on the Vietnamese. Did you ever see the picture of the naked little girl screaming as she was running? She was hit by napalm.  About a week I later went back to my own school and went back to work trying to keep John and mine grade point average up so he wouldn't be drafted. His draft number was like 7 and mine was 256. The only reason John wasn’t in Vietnam was because I was doing his work, writing term papers for him. The thought of John in Viet Nam was something I could have never handled. Funny 2 and half years later after we broke up he dropped out of school and joined the Air Force. That was in December 1972 but in January 1973 a peace accord was signed and the war was over so thank God I delayed his service as long as I did. Tin soldiers and Nixon coming, We're finally on our own. This summer I hear the drumming, Four dead in Ohio.  Nixon and Agnew my hatred of Republicans go way back. I saw a lot of history in my life, the assassination of JFK, Martin Luther King, Bobby Kennedy, the Vietnam War, Stonewall, Women Liberation, AIDS… all ancient history now.     My jaw is finally healing. Its sorry but not so painful that I have to take a painkiller for it. The stitches came out last Wednesday. My dentist said because of the surgery and drilling down into the jaw it’s just going to take time for it to heal completely. When I think of the poor injured people in Nepal I realize I have nothing to complain about. I have been futzing around in the yard. I’ve gotten the front yard about into shape. We had a good soaking rain about two weeks ago and afterwards I went and pulled all the grass and weeds that had grown up on the parking strip by the mail box and the curve. My hands are still sore from all the exercise they weren’t use to. I got my tomatoes and squash in for the summer and bought more perennials. The irises are blooming right now and they are so pretty. They are some of my very favorites. I bought myself a pair of overalls and I have a broad brim garden hat so I look like an old farmer with my hoe and shovel. Last Saturday Darrin Solomon came over and helped me cut down some the bigger dead limbs from the globe willows. That is what I am concentrating on now, the back yard, At the first of April we had a terrific storm 60 miles an hour winds that took down a lot of the deadwood and scattered it all over the back yard. So I have been raking and piling it up to break up into smaller pieces to go into the trash cans.  I’ve had so many compliments on my story that was read at the performance of INTERSECTIONS the dramatic reading program that Art Access did. All the stories were Gay and Lesbians experiences. The run of the show ended yesterday. An young actor named Chris Lemons dramatized my story called Finding Home... I have never had anything I've written interpreted by an actor before... It was amazing how an actor can breathe life into words. But  I didn’t realize how racy it was until it was read out loud. Especially in a mixed crowd. Many said mine was their favorite story and Charles said that I should be writing porn instead of history ha! I took Chuck Whyte because he doesn’t get out much and when he does its not to the arts.  I sat next to Maggie Snyder and Dr. Kristen Ries which I feel honored just to be with them. Maggie wrote a piece called "My People" which brought me near tears but I refused to cry any more over AIDS. I’ve shed enough tears... but hers was my favorite piece about what she and Dr. Ries went through as the only medical team that would treat AIDS patients in the 1980s. I am not a religious man but I know that God loves Gay people because he sent us Dr. Kristen Ries. She came to Utah to specialize in geriatric medicine but she arrived just as AIDS was infecting our community. In the 1980's she over saw the care of every single AIDS case because no other physician in Utah would. As miraculous as that a nurse named Maggie Snyder became her assistant and together they cared for the sick and dying: “the untouchables”. They gave the last tender care to these young men, many my friends, who were on their death beds. Even their own families would not come but wrote them off because they were Gay and deserved to die.  Nearly every obituary of people who died from AIDS, honored Kristen Ries and Maggie Snyder. God sent us angels when we needed them most. India may have had Mother Theresa but we have Dr. Kristen Ries and Maggie. I am most honored to know them and call them friends. The last Friday in April the Pride Center on short noticed announced an open meeting for the community to address the board. I went although it was rainy that night. Only about 20 people attended besides the 5 members of the board.  I took some notes and later posted them on Facebook but the bottom line is the center is on life support.  They are counting on Pride Day to bring in enough revenue to keep the center in operations. However they project that they will only clear between 117,000 and 125,000 after spending nearly a million on the festival! Pride Day revenue has gone down for the past 3 years! They spent 60,000 on entertainment alone last year and all of it was B list mediocre performers!  Pride Day is just a revenue making operation and had gone far away from the original intent to remember Stonewall. The Board is down to only 7 members all but one Gay men and all but one about your age. Maybe they can turn it around.  I made a bunch of people mad when at the end I stood up and said all I hear is what is the Board going to do for the Trans Community, the Youth Community, the Lesbian Community but what I’d like to know I’d what are you going to do for yourselves? Why do you think the Center has to do it for you? You do not need the Centers permission to start a program your community needs. Do it yourselves and submit a proposal and for some seed money. This one snarled at me and said “what do you know? And I said I created a good deal of most of the support groups that were in this town in the 1980’s and was on the committee to create a Gay Pride Community Center that you are bitching about. Gawd I am sick of people demanding from others instead of helping themselves. Anyway I spoke my piece.  I had my doctor send in my diabetes form to the DMV so my license will be cleared. I have to do it every year so I now just need to find out when my visitation clearance expires so I can get that taken care of. I don’t want to waste another summer stymied by red tape. I was told that you can find out when it expires. Last year it was at the end of April and no one tells you. I drove down last May just to be denied. Have you heard anything from the culinary school? I hope you got accepted but if not other opportunities will come. We just have to trust in Providence that things are working as they should and we are only actors on the stage not the director.    I am a little nervous about retirement all though my financial advisor says I will be fine but by income will drop about a third of what it is now.  I’ve not really budgeted in so long it will feel strange to actually live on a budget. I think a lot of that is that I have never really sat down and figured out all my bills and how much I need to live. I’ve always made enough to cover what ever there was and have a little left over. The best part though is my needs and wants have really diminished as Ive gotten older. Knowing someday I will leave it all behind makes me more insightful what I accumulate. Even the Koch Brothers cannot take all their billions with them when they become dust in the wind. I am happy to know that I will have a place in your heart and a few others when it’s my time to fly away.  Until then I’ve got books to write, genealogy to finish. Well I guess I should end. I have a pile of ironing I have to do so I can have pressed shirts for school this week.  In a month I can be naked all day long if I want and the laundry will get done when it gets done…but until then the ironing board is calling. Your friend for better or worse Ben

 

5 May 2015 Tuesday

Today Mike Romero my ex bought a Silverado extended cab pickup truck and traded in his Trail Blazer so Coco has a new ride... I hope it fits into his garage lol big ol butch truck... I said if it won't fit park it here and drive my little Sonoma to work lol. Today also was Teacher appreciation and the PTA had asked students to bring a flower in for their teacher... Several girls brought me roses but this one boy, Ben Berge who didn't want to give a man teacher a flower gave me a 5 lb. sack of Gold Medal Flour. It cracked me up and yes he one of my brighter but very eccentric students...See teaching homophones paid off lol. I am not going to miss keeping boys in from recess and making them write 25 times I will not fool around in class.

 

6 May 2015 Wednesday

I finished reading The Hardy Boys to my students. ... None of my students had read the Hardy Boy Mysteries so I read one to them and I want to read Nancy Drew next... They only want to read fantasy books. It was down pouring in Bountiful with lots of rolling thunder so we had indoor recess, Ugh. The Oxford Comma- I have always taught my students in 4th, 5th, and 6th grade that we separate words in a series by commas in order to be literate, precise, and clear which is the bedrock of social intercourse, understanding, and communication in our society. Word crimes- there -their -they're, your - you're- it's its, Well & Good, and Utah's infamous "funner and Funnest"... For 28 years I've tried to teach Utah kids that it more fun or the most fun and yet then I hear some Utah teacher say "funner" and I cringe. I “seen” drives me crazy too. Grammar the difference between Feeling your nuts and Feeling you’re nuts. Utah has nothing to be smug about over Texas ... Mike "government is out to get us" Lee, Clive Bundy is a Mormon who still has not been censored, and we send environmentalists to jail... Per capita crazies in Utah with its 3 million beat out Texas with its 20 million... Still like everything else in Texas their crazies are just plain bigger. However give all teabaggers an enema and they could be buried in a cigar box . I Watched a pretty intense movie tonight night called Impossible about the 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami. It starred Naomi Watts and Ewen McGregor. Over 250,000 people died that day including 7000 vacationing Europeans. A third of all the people who died were children. I did not pay much attention to the world tragedy because of my own. That was the day my mom called me to tell me that Dad had died that morning. Unlike the tsunami victims dad died instantly from a stroke in his own home. SLC had been hit by a huge snow storm with power outage lasting almost 2 days. I could only sit in the cold for nearly 24 hours before I could even begin to make arrangements for me to fly home. Sad that so many younger Gay folk don't know what Pink Triangle stands for and think the HRC double bar logo is the symbol for Gay. I don't see the rainbow flags flying from houses anymore or stickers on cars... There's a big difference between being homosexual and homogenized.

 

7 May 2015 Thursday

Today was my last Faculty meeting that I ever have to get up early for again...and no I won't miss it. Last day of school is Thursday June 4th. For some reason I thought it was Friday. I need to do my exit interview and then the district can cut me loose June 4th Thursday is my official last day... I am officially counting down now. And the Magpie war of 2015 begins

·         Erick Myers Let us all be upstanding a raise a glass to Ben, educator extraordinaire. Cheers,

 

8 May 2015 Friday

In 1989 John Reeves sent me an AIDS poster for kids from Boston and I've had it up on my classroom walls ever since. In 1989 the state mandated AIDS education be taught even in elementary school as part in of a health curriculum...no one teaches the AIDS curriculum and for that matter no one teaches health... Just Math Language and Science... When I first started teaching we required to teach reading, grammar, writing, spelling, math, science, social studies, health, PE, music, drama, dance, and art but now all I am supposed to concentrate on is math, reading, and science for the testing at the end of the year for the States report card and for funding... Kids had a better rounded education 20 years ago before Utah became anti education

·         Amy Barry- Ben. I want to nominate you for this year's history hero award. The state conference is themed Deep Roots, Many Voices: Celebrating Utah's Multicultural Past and I think you would be a great choice. I will need your help though to put together stuff for all the requirements.  Here is the info. Nominate A History Hero! - Utah Department of Heritage and Arts Nominations are now being accepted! 2015 OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT AND CONTRIBUTION AWARDS Utah State History’s annual awards recognize individuals and groups who have made a significant contribution to history, prehistory or historic preservation in the state of Utah. Whether these efforts on behalf… heritage.utah.gov

·         Thanks Amy that is sweet of you Here's some background ... BA in Social Science History and PoliSci in 1975 from BYU ....created the Utah Stonewall Center Archives 1991 to preserve LGBT Utah history, Founded the Utah Stonewall Historical Society in 1992 to collect and disseminate oral histories of LGBT pioneers of the 1970s and 1980s. Donated the Utah Stonewall Centers Archives to the Marriott Library Special Collections at the U of U 2003 which contains over thirty lineal feet of material pertaining to Gay organizations in Utah. Wrote a bi-monthly history column called Lambda Lore until 2012 and a monthly column thereafter for QSalt Lake. Submitted and presented a paper on Utah’s Response to the AIDS epidemic for the Utah State Historical Society Conference in 2006, Created a FB page to post material from the Utah Stonewall Historical Society in 2010... Posted daily the collection of my chronology of Utah’s Gay Community over a year 2013-2014 as a Blog called This Day In Gay Utah History to put my research and collection on line. Have mentored several Gay historians in Utah working on their Masters and PhDs.  Jim Dabakis refers to me as the unofficial Gay Historian of Utah.  I have worked for 30 years with the leaders who shaped the LGBT communities of Utah, recorded our incremented victories towards equality and have disseminated this information to preserve our legacy freely and have done all of the above without compensation. Even my writing for the Q has been an act of volunteerism ...  I was a cohost on KRCLs Concerning Gays and Lesbians 1987-1994 as a Gay Activist, a founding member of the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah serving three times as secretary and minute taker.  I was a founding member of the Utah Stonewall Center a community center for LGBT folks, serving as Librarian and Archivist and Board Member 1995-1997. Created Unconditional Support for Gays and Lesbians in 1987- 1993. Recipient of the Dr. Kristen Ries Award for Outstanding Community Service 1991

·          Amy Barry Those are great thank you. I'm wrapping up the nomination so it should be turned in by the middle of next week.  Not sure when they Board meets, but I will stay on top of it. I think the deadline is June 15th. P.S. The Director thanked me for nominating you. He was thrilled to see the work you've done.

·         That was nice of him

·         Amy Barry Not much diversity in the nominations so having someone topical and new is exciting.

 

9 May 2015 Saturday

I feeling like baking today. This weather is a good reason to turn the oven on and put good smells in the house. I am dog sitting Alan Anderson and Kyle G. Daniels pups today so will have a full house and no sense mopping the floors today! Rain all night long out here at West Pointe by the Jordan River washing all our sins away. I think I need to get out...made a huge pot of chili verde, some spaghetti and noodles, two banana bread loaves, and two cakes this morning. Not interested in eating any of it but what else to do on a wet rainy day? Sad reality of life is that someone has to wash the dishes and I guess that someone is me. It’s been steadily raining without a break since early this morning. It’s been a good soaking rain. It’s like a weather condition has stalled over Salt Lake City. I Feel sorry for people who have out door plans. Hope it stops raining by evening when I go see Music Man at the Pioneer Theater tonight. The pups have finally settled down and are sleeping. Just got in a little while ago from seeing The Music Man performed at the Pioneer Theater courtesy of Jim Dabakis. I hadn't so thoroughly enjoyed a show that professional in a long time. I had never seen The Music Man Staged before... The acting, singing, and dancing all was pure delight. Going to these places with Jim I meet interesting people like the President of Zion Bank who sat next to Jim. Early I had told Jim that we don't have math text books... He was aghast. I thought it common knowledge. The only text book I have is a literature book otherwise I have to create my own lessons, worksheets and tests. Same with science and social studies. I told the President of Zion Bank the same thing. The Music Man was a tremendous production and the lisping little boy was perfect... Great casting...when Dvorsky as Professor Harold Hill was twirling a baton it was amazing people clapped just for that...Also the precision of the dancing and book throwing in the library was astonishing too. I love my musicals and his was one of the best I've seen...truly Broadway caliber

·         Steve Brackenbury I have a soft spot for "The Music Man." Fond memories of spending a very intense summer with Charles Lynn Frost directing this show. I was 19 and one of the teen dancers and I thought I couldn't dance. Somehow he and the choreographer got a good performance out of me. They made me work my ass off. It all paid off in the library number. It really is an excellent, tightly written show with one great song after the other and a total delight when you see a great production. How fun for you!

 

10 May 2015 Sunday Mother’s Day

I lost my sweet mom on April 13 2011 but Happy Mother's Day Mom Wilma June Johnson Williams ... like me she had two names- "Wilma" to her California friends and "June" to dad and the rest of her family. Her brother called her "June bug". Happy Mother's day grandma Tressie Margret McLeod Johnson. She always lied about her age saying she was born in 1901 but it’s hard to lie when you have a twin brother born in 1899 LOL and you appear as a 6 month old baby in 1900 Census. Her father was a Texas cowboy orphaned at the age of 12 and rode cattle drives from Northern Texas to Kansas through Oklahoma. He was part Indian so he had no trouble crossing into Indian Territory which he settled in 1889. Grandma was brought to New Mexico in a Covered Wagon. I used to brush out her hair as she sat in her rocker. She loved that and I loved her. Happy Mother’s Day Grandma Annie Ruth Danforth Williams. Her family were Pioneer homesteaders in New Mexico Territory. Her mother's people were involved in the San Saba Range War in Texas were Cattlemen drove out the farmers in 1887. Grandma Williams was all about family and keeping us together. Before moving to California during WWII she was a waitress and cook in my grandpa's various cafes in Earth and Littlefield. She was so classy and the little bit I have is from her. She said she had no favorite grandchild but whoever she was with at the time was her favorite (although I think she was partial to my cousin Larry Fagen LOL). I am the only boy left of her grandkids. There should be a Happy Aunt Day as well... I had some Amazing Aunts. Aunt Minnie use to take me to movies as a little boy. I saw Ten Commandments and Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea with her. Aunt Bonnie was a great cook and I remember as a little boy spending the night with my cousin Larry that she washed my feet before going to bed. Such a sweet thing to do. My aunt Marie I could confide in when I needed to and my Aunt Pauline was such a kind gracious lady. I never was around my Aunt Mattie Lee and Aunt Jerri as much but they always were good to me. Betty Danforth, who was more of an Aunt instead of a cousin was such a wonderful person and Aunt Beulah ... Well she was a character ... All gone now but I spent more time with them than my uncles... And probably influenced my character more happy Mother's Day all my wonderful Aunts. This is my weekends with the hounds…6 a.m. Buddy barks for his treats, 6:15 a.m. running in and out the doggy door Daisy is barking at Magpies. 6:30 Lucky is pestering Buddy. 6:45 eye staring contest at me during breakfast, 7:00 all dogs eyes on you and nudging you while on the toilet ... i could go on and on ...dogs have no concept of Saturdays and Sundays.  When the sun came out Mowed the lawn ... Transplanted some plants... Pulled a few weeds ... Had Bill Poore over for chili verde burritos, Spanish Rice, and taquitos about 1:30 after he went out to put flowers on his mother’s grave.  Fun to talk Queer stuff that we only get... Told me fun stories about Quentin Crisp... Turned out to be a pretty day but I never made it out to Mother Day Plant and flower sales... Still I mopped my dirty floors from all the mud from yesterday. About 5:00 pm I had a surprised call from Kyle Foote. He wanted to wish me a happy mother’s day. I guess I am a mother to him for sure. He talked about how long he should be in prison and said that he didn’t get the culinary school position because of last year’s write up about mixing his medicine. It was considered a controlled substance violation. At 6 pm  I drove into town and had a nice visit with Charles Lynn Frost and Doug Lott this evening after dropping off a birthday carrot cake for Charles. Tomorrow is his birthday. I feel like I have packed two days of actions into one day since Saturday was a wash...

·         Bill Poore The food was soooo good Ben. I only remember these stories when I am around you. I got to find my pictures of Quentin. Yeah other people would be totally be shocked at some of the things we have done, we get it, who cares if no one else does. I just hate the fact that you started at such an early age. I made up for it is NYC

·         Edgar Ben Williams I knew what I liked at a very early age

·         Bill Poore It would have been so fun being your neighbor, bedroom windows across from each other, oh the secrets we would have shared.

·         Edgar Ben Williams We share them now in our old age lol

·         Bill Poore Just remember [about Kyle] you have this history of sexual compulsion and romantic obsession.....even Charles admits you need to listen to your therapists.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Oh what does it matter in 50 years? I've got two Kyles to deal with besides.

·         Bill Poore I forgot, I guess saying keep it simple would just go over your head. I forgot about the other Kyle, is that still going on?

·         Edgar Ben Williams Yep  and how ...

·         Bill Poore You know if the other Kyle gets out of happy farm and moves in with you there is going to be hell.  Kyle 2 does not like Kyle 1.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Oh goody Gay Drama

 

11 May 2015 Monday

I went in early to make sure everything was ready for the SAGE testing. It’s such a big deal and high stress. Then we had a fire drill right in the middle of our Language Arts SAGE state wide testing... I though some one must have pulled the alarm because Liz Beck would never have scheduled an alarm in the middle of the almighty testing... Of course 5th was the only ones testing in the computer lab... So we had to exit the building and then come back in. Mrs. Petersen was super upset and I don’t blame her but what can you do? I told her if the new principal gives you any flack next year because 5th grade didn’t do well just ask did anyone else have a fire drill in the middle of their tests? Then shut the hell up. After work went to Smith’s Marketplace to get some gizzards. The dogs have been wanting gizzards and everywhere I went this past weekend was out of them. I also bought some more flowers and herbs for the front yard garden. In the evening Mike came over to work on his trailer and see if his truck will fit in the garage. It did surprisingly. I guess eventually he will use my truck during the week and leave his truck here since his does not fit I his garage. While I was planting and pulling weeds finally got a call for my exit interview, which will be Tuesday the 19th at 3:30. Coming in to the house I was down stairs ding laundry when I had a sudden diarrhea attack. Talk about explosive and instant. I made a mess around the toilet and had to clean that all up and disinfect. Geez I’ve never had that happen to me before. In more pleasant news Marie Osmond came out and backed Gay Marriage today.

 

12 May 2015 Tuesday

You have not been paying attention if you don't know who the Christian Dominionists are. Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann and Ted Cruz are all Dominionist. Santorum, Rubio, and Rand are all supported by Dominionists. They believe that all laws should be Bible based and that Christians will rule the world. They believe in the death penalty for blasphemy, homosexuality, and abortion providers. They want to abolish the 1st Amendment. They have basically taken over the Republican Party. They are about as un-American as you can get yet wrap themselves in God and Country. They want to establish a Christian Theocracy and they keep getting elected.

 

13 May 2015 Wednesday

Good busy day... Got all my kids cast for the Ghost of Plymouth Castle, came home and clean the side yard where the fire pit is. That was a chore. Then I worked on my lambda Lore piece then sent my June column into Michael Aaron for the Q, and I even  made a sugar free raspberry pie which is baking in the oven this moment. Even going to bed with the dishes done... Pretty good for a 64 year old man living with 3 spoiled schnauzers

 

14 May 2015 Thursday

Right after school I rushed to Centerville for my appointment to have my teeth cleaned. I had his young cute dentist named Garcia who I adored. I had a bazillion x-rays it seemed but then Dr Garcia examined my teeth. I have a few cavities I need filling so I have an appointment in two weeks to get them taking care. I gave Michael Romero the rest of the Chili Verde and Spanish Rice because I knew I wasn’t going to eat it. I was too tired to do yard work today or write anything so I watched Identity Theft a Netflix DVD movie, that I saw with Levon Mirakyan when he was living with me.

 

15 May 2015 Friday

I didn’t sleep well at all last night. I had a stuffy nose and was so restless that I woke up about midnight and couldn’t get back to sleep until after 1:30. I got up about 6 a.m. all groggy and tired but in a few more weeks I can sleep in all I want. Well this month is almost half over. Wow. Doesn’t seem possible for sure. It was overcast and sprinkled a little this morning as I took my class to Bountiful Electric for the last field trip I will ever have to go on.  ... the Sidewalk on 500 South was closed at one point with concrete being Jack hammered up but they never warned us so I made them stop while I took my class through lol they were not happy ... Well piss on them I am an elementary school teacher so out ranked them. Almost all the butterflies have hatched  and I wanted to release them today but it was too cold and was afraid that they wouldn’t do as well and besides I want it to be a sunny day so the kids can enjoy being outside with them. Having the kids begin on the Ghost of Plymouth Castle because we are quickly running out of things to do and time.  Stephen Bolinder changed the day for the doggy grooming again. We scheduled it for the Friday the 22nd which I thought was weird with it being Coronation Weekend and it is one of his anniversaries for being a Princess Royale with Chuck Whyte. So now it’s the Friday the 29th at 2 pm and the dogs are already really shaggy. I left school early after getting things ready for Monday and went to Smith’s Food Kind to get some gizzards for the dogs and some other groceries. I also got gas and saw that it is really creeping up again. Its $2.95 again when two weeks ago it was $2.45. I had a 30 cent a gallon discount so it was still under $30 to fill the cruiser up. Came home and took a quick nap and then brought the dogs to Michael but I must have just missed him because he was at the house hooking up his camper to go away this weekend so just came back home. I noticed that the Polynesians across the street are finally grading their yard and looks like they are going to finally put in grass and do their yard. Gisella, who originally put in the yard for that house in 1996 would be appalled what happened to her pretty yard. The Boston Marathon Bomber got the death penalty for his part in his act of terrorism. Makes me sad but he had no right to sentence those joyful people to death at the Boston Marathon... I'd rather him have had life in prison but I did not have a little son blown to bits either or see my loved ones legs blown off. There are consequences for evil.

·         The first unified Dyke, Transgender, Sexually Fluid, and Poly Rally! We will have speakers representing each group and marching from the Capitol to Library Square together. There will also be a mini festival at the Utah State Capital prior to the start of the rally/march. 6 pm: Sign making and tabling party 7 pm: Rally starts 8 pm: March kicks off 9 pm: Free admission to 1st Annual Opening Ceremony and Kick-Off Party Representative Speakers: Transgender Rally: Ella Mendoza Dyke Rally: Dani Hawkes and Bronwen Beecher, The Fiddle Preacher Sexually Fluid Rally: K Lu Quibelle, Bisexual slam poet and Shauna Brock, 1 to 5 club founder and Bisexual writer and activist Poly Rally: Isaac Furniss and Ford Neville

·          Michael Aaron- I take it that it is you Misty [Fowler]  is all in a tither  about - cisgender gay man, you

·         Me -I think it's Bill Poore ... He Made a comment on the Dyke Trans sexual fluid polymorphic parade that it excluded Gay men... Sick of being called a white privileged male... Fuckers ... We lost that privilege when we identified as Gay ... I would like to know where this male privilege got me?  Kicked out of a dorm at Cal State Fullerton, kicked out of BYU, arrested, attacked, worked in a female dominated job fearing I could lose my job, seeing my friends die of AIDS because they are fags, yes so much male white privilege and I have so oppressed the L and B and T poor pitiful folks that we throw under the bus constantly and marginalized each chance we get...and yet we never gets invited to the party unless we create the party?

·         Michael Aaron -If you are interested, I threw a few nuggets about ask this privilege talk on Misty's wall last night. Haven't read any flashback yet this morning. Just woke up.

·         Me- I am sure you will LOL.... I saw a post somewhere that “Gays have told LGBT folks for years that God does not make mistakes about our sexual orientation” . However today Trans  people are trying to convince LGBT folks that God does makes mistakes when it comes to gender identity! LOL Kind of a mixed message for young Gay people... especially for sissy Gay boys who aren't allowed to be Gay without questioning whether they are HomoSEXual or HomoGENDERual. As long as I have a dick and like other people with dicks I don't think I will be thought of anything but the enemy by this new social construct of gender.  I miss the Castro Clones days LOL

·         Michael Aaron- My comments to Misty- “May I turn it around a smidge, at the risk of getting crucified, as a gay cisgender man? When we hear that representation in the LGBT community is imbalanced and overrun with gay cisgender white men, it sounds to us like some would rather have us leave, therefore balancing the leadership. Well, this gay cisgender olive,-skinned man, who has been working in this community since 1982, isn't going anywhere. Less voices = less work getting done. We should all step up, not put others down for their inborn traits. I have welcomed all people who are willing to step up. I haven't counted their minority points to decide if I thought they were worthy of fighting our cause.  I can see a desire for a men's march. Why not be even more inclusive? Religious people get a march. Maybe there's no need for one, and therefore it would be unattended. Or maybe men would like to participate. I think erroring on the side of inclusion is a good bet. It's almost like I'm reading, "you can't have one because our struggle is bigger than yours."

·         Me-Better go buy an athletic cup because your balls are in danger LOL. The truth is that LGBTQA and all the rest is like the Hapsburg Austro-Hungarian Empire. It’s an artificial political construct that probably serves no useful purpose anymore. It was shaky at best when it was just Gays and Lesbians but at least we had sexual orientation as a common bond but with the addition of bisexuals I mean sexual fluidity, and gender identity and good intention heteroes  we squabble over  everything, The most telling sign is how pissed that Trans are over Gay emphasis on marriage. Gay men love dick. It’s a fact of our nature and yet I hear and read constant complaints of our shallowness from the BLT's. And this rewriting of history to put Trans at the fore front of the Stonewall Rebellion just infuriates me. Ritter and Rivera were so minor in the event and yet Trans have transformed them into George Washington and Thomas Jefferson of the movement. I think it’s been an unhappy marriage for a very long time. Trans issues are supposed to be important to the Gay men's community and yet our issues are not important to them...and why should they?  So let them have their march and feel all excited that they've done something that the Gay Community did 20 years ago. I just don't appreciate that they think Gay men would contaminate their parade since we are so white privilege and have dicks. I am sadden to see our culture and history fade because it’s not relevant to the Trans new social construct that only gender matters...PS I admire your use of CIS to placate them but I refuse to use it. The first rule of liberation and empowerment is that we get to determine what we are called not have an outside group label us. I refuse to bow my knee to that ridiculous term. They can call me that fine but I will never label myself that. We fought too hard and  gave up so much to be Proud of who we are and to not let others define us or control us.  Trans sure get pissed if we don't call them by what they have chosen for themselves. They want to use ridiculous pronouns fine. We Gay men have interchanged pronouns long before Christine Jorgensen had her dick removed. So girlfriend I will now get off my soapbox now.

·         Michael -Hehehehe. On Misty’s wall the trans people were all ready to jump on whatever she said. No question of what was actually said, etc. They just seem always ready for a fight.

·         Me-Yes I think why many Gay men won't engage with Trans because it’s hard being around hostile people all the time. The Gay community embraced the Trans movement and yet often we are the people they most attack and act as if we are the enemy by "marginalizing" them and oh yes we keep throwing them under the proverbial bus... Maybe they should have their own bus. See how far they get on their own.

·         Bill Poore I just posted on the site asking where are the gay men, who the fuck are the sexually fluids and Polys.......we have been kicked under the bus. I started war on that site all the trans are coming after me, fuck there CIS male bullshit  

·         Me They can use Cis  if they want but I will never use that term... They do not have the right to label me. Have the Trans come for your balls yet? Here’s an Interesting perspective on Trans by a feminist lesbian “Your Gender Identity Just Doesn't Mean Anything.” whoiscis.wordpress.com  

·         Bill Poore-why are you mad at the lbts ?

·         Me -Do I need a reason beyond their exclusion of us like we are the enemy?

·         Bill Poore --Did you read all the comments between me and the trans at the Center......I did not have time to finish up what I wanted to say...oh well, at least I bitched. In the conversation I had with them I felt like the enemy.

·         Me-I joined a FB page called HomoSEXual not HomoGENDERual by some radical lesbian feminists

·         Bill Poore I will never support the Pride Center until this trans bullshit stops.

·         Me- you are the enemy ... White male privilege…you have a dick

·         Bill- I will join that FB page as well.

·         Me- I am also following a blog called Who is cis? No one.

·         Bill- That is one of the things I wanted to attack was their use of the word CIS.....

·         Ben -These feminist lesbians really  resent transwomen as being really men who are trying to tell women how to be a woman lol  I am not a CIS... I am male who loves men GAY

·         Bill- that is exactly what was said to me,, I said where are the gay men in this parade, and one of the Trans said Trans are the Men. Fuck the no dick cunts.

·         Me-One post from this FB page said that Gays tell the LGBT community that God makes no mistakes and the Trans tell the LGBT community That God makes mistakes lol

·         Bill I brought up to Charles [Lago]  tonight how I attacked the Trans on FB today.....he said he was happy I hadn't lost my touch.

·         Me- Lol you are just plain mean you old meanie

·         Bill -You know they said such bullshit, that this parade was for those always left out by the gays who basically control the board. So I noticed that the Dyke, trans sexually fluid and poly rally and march is Fri 6-9 and the Grand Marshall reception is at the exact same time on Fri. What does that say. The Grand is a tran from NYC.....

·         Me- I guess they don't want to pay $50 to hear another tranny.  

·         Bill I fucking hate the tran community. fucking no dick cunts.

·         Me-LOL some are no cunt dicks... now what?

·         Bill one of the tran women/man questioned if I knew what cis male was and questioned why I was trolling their site. I deleted the posts. Fuck them. I really don't like them....fuck the LGBTQ Pride Center and all that live there.

·         Me- well piss on their parade... they are unhappy people and always will be unhappy people and the only time they are happy is making others feel unhappy. Best not to engage these people...

·         Bill I didn't engage the bitch.....Denise S. . I agree with you that they are mostly mentally ill. by the way congratulations on getting Courtney the Rise Award, is that spelled correctly. He really deserves it, probably more than most., one that just does service without trying to get the limelight like some of the people we know, not me of course.

·         Me- Ries Dr. Kristen Ries... fuck them... what do they do for anyone but whine? They can’t discuss or dialog but only attack.

·          

16 May 2015 Saturday

It's been raining out here at SLC's West Pointe steady since early this morning. Second Saturday in a row can't get out and mow the backyard which now I need a goat to clear it. I haven't gotten out of my nightshirt (yes I wear a night shirt deal with it) all day nor left the house but I had a bug to do some cleaning and well it got out of hand. I moved my entire living room completely around, swept the floor and mopped, and waxed the floor on my hands and knees. I was getting in touch with my inner char woman, then I scrubbed pee spots that Buddy has so lovingly given my gypsy red couch (yes I bought it because it was called gypsy red) and dusted and polished all the furniture. Ended up being a 5 hour project but its thoroughly cleaned now and it’s still raining. Made some Texas Chili and Corn bread for this very wet day. I wish California could get some of this good rain. Didn't snow a drop all winter but we are having a wet, wet spring. Well off to the dining room next... I will send dispatches on how the battle goes. ... I took up the rug beneath the dining room table so I had to wrangle the chairs and table by myself... I then moved the front room rug and but it beneath the dining room table  after sweeping and mopping the floor. Lots of doggy treats hidden everywhere I suppose saving for a rainy day. Well here it is. Called it quits after cleaning the dining room and tomorrow I will get to the kitchen... my folks taught me to keep a clean house but they didn't teach me how to keep it clean... Mom said you can have a clean house or have kids but you can't have both...I suppose that applies to Schnauzers too. Treated myself to a soak in the hot tub listening to the pitter patter of the rain on the tin roof Amy Barry and Kyle G. Daniels put over my hot tub last summer. Well I've been up since 4:30 am so I think I will call it a day. Stay warm and dry if you can.

·         Richard P. Butler I was able to mow the backyard at 10:00 this morning and the front at 11:15 so I'm done. Also San Diego reportedly got a down pour for several hours so parts of Calif got some rain. Still won't help the drought situation. Spring cleaning and chili with corn bread and no phone call to come watch and eat. Now I'm hurt. LOL

·         Stephanie Williams I wear a night shirt too smile emoticon Went to the swap meet, out to lunch and set two fence posts today. Progress is good!

·         Terrie Williams ok. now that I’ve read this, I will do some laundry.. junior please come over to my place. just for the record, i threw in a load of laundry, took the trash out, emptied the litter box, vacuumed, and mopped the kitchen floor. Thanks for your post and motivation Mr Betty Crocker!

·         Bill Poore I don’t think that Char Woman is that inner....she is right on the surface. I think you should invite me over for chili and corn bread tomorrow.

·         Charles Lynn Frost WERK. It's good for you. Duct tape some wet Swiffer sweepers to the lazy moochers butts and let them drag a few halls too.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Night shirt? Now I don't feel bad about wearing my chiffon dressing gown. However, I have been told that my purple sequined slippers might be a little over the top

·         Edgar Ben Williams Terrie you are like me if we don't do it who will? Damn the Williams work ethic we inherited from our folks...but if your dad and mine could help clean up WWII I guess mopping the floor ain't so bad...

·         Kevin Scott ummmm... goat. Useful workers and then they make good barbecue.

 

17 May 2015 Sunday

Busy day now that the rain has stopped. I mowed what I could of the back yard- some of the weeds were at least a foot tall or more. I mowed around my wood piles that I will pick up later this week. I had Bill Poore over for Sunday dinner to see how his visit with Charles Logo his producer friend from San Diego went last night. He wanted Chili but I made him pot roast and sent the chili home with him. I also made some pumpkin bread with dark chocolate chips and sent a loaf home with him. I now am having a light supper of corn bread in a glass of milk. You can take the boy out of Texas but you can't take Texas out of the boy. Starting tomorrow I officially just have 13 days until school ends and summer vacation begins. The ground in the back yard was actually squishy and soft from all the rain we've had.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren We still have rain, and soggy, soggy grass and grounds. I am jealous, I would kill for a good pot roast. For a pot roast sandwich...well, it is too bloody to even describe.

·         Charles Lynn Frost Thank God! 13 days and then you can begin cooking and baking, we know how you've missed it.

·         Bill Poore and working in his yard, Charles, don’t forget working in his yard.

·         Edgar Ben Williams And genealogy and Gay history and pissing off Trans revisionists

·         Chuck Whyte You should shave your beard and become a drag queen.....Twinkle Toes Wisterfeild..........LMAO

·         Bill Poore You seem to piss off at least one tran a day....does that count.

 

18 May 2015 Monday

Went to work this morning and while it was cool it wasn’t raining so we released the Butterflies we had been hatching from larva to pupas to Butterflies. The kids enjoyed it. Starting to practice The Ghost of Plymouth Castle for the last time. After work the rains came again. Thunder and torrential rain here at West Pointe across from the Jordan River. Pups are all nervous from the thunder and the pounding rain. Glad to safe and warm in my humble home. Dogs are having chicken gizzards and liver and I am having a BLT (the real kind...bacon Lettuce and Tomato). Feel like I am wanting to come down with something...stuffy nose and tired...going to bed early for sure. I hope all the butterflies we set free this morning don't drown. There was a shootout in Waco Texas today between rival Bike gangs. The media won’t call it a white riot. 9 people died in a shootout between rival skinhead gangs in Waco, Texas today and gang members spent the afternoon chilling with police officers and texting. And Fredde Gray was killed because he "made eye contact". Babs delay filed papers to run for City Council. Interesting.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Nathan used to be absolutely terrified of thunder, but now he is an old dog, and he doesn't hear it. Blessing, I guess in getting old. My allergies are terrible since we've had the rain. The other bad side effect of the rain is the snails. I swear I saw a line of them doing the conga on the sidewalk.

·         Edgar Ben Williams And earthworms popping up everywhere

·         Bill Poore snails and worms are our friends.

·         David Andreason Drama queen. Xo

·         Bill Poore 170 were arrested, the restaurant was warned by police before it happened, there was a big police presence on the scene before, police tried to stop it, the Restaurant chain pulled franchise from that store, they had a shootout with cops...the police chief said in 30 years it was the bloodiest crime scene he had ever seen....white on white killing by gangs. The police are fearing more violence....The 170 arrested are being charged with "Organized Crime"

19 May 2015 Tuesday

Had a nice evening with J Seth Anderson and Michael Adam Ferguson who wanted to come over and to catch up on life and watch a movie. They brought me some yellow roses, a happy retirement card and a peach pie. I brought out some pumpkin bread that I made last weekend. They graduated with a master’s and a PhD last May 8th I believe. I called Michael Dr. Ferguson. They are just beginning their careers as I am winding down mine. I guess Michael is heading back to New York for the lawsuit against that Jewish Reparation therapy quackery  and the later off to Rochester New York to teach. We watched Luciano Viscounti masterpiece The Damned because they hadn’t seen it. I think it’s important to know about the night of the Long Knives and homosexual Ernst Rohm of the Brown Shirters culpability in the rise of Hitler.... After they left the thunder rolled in. Thunder Alley out by the airport ... clearing up now I think. Night all. I posted a picture of the yellow roses on Facebook and got a lot of comments.

·         J Seth Anderson Fun time as always! smile emoticon

·         Bill Poore- You never invite me over when you have young men in the house

·         J Seth Anderson Lol girl, you're invited!! smile emoticon

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Recently, on Facebook, they posted a picture of Helmut Berger as he looks now. He has not aged well. I guess what they say is true, beauty is fleeting.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Bill one must keep up appearances....what would respectable people think if they knew I associated with Theater people? That is why I keep you on the down low.

·         Bill Poore The thunder takes me back to a prior life as a Lakota Sioux living on the plains, Rain and Thunder was not nice if alone with a horse far from the lodge, but if in the lodge it was warm and spiritual. Rain and Thunder is our friend. Thunder Horse.

·         Stephanie Williams Those are beautiful roses.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Yellow is my favorite color can you tell?

·         Jamie Turnbow Yellow is mine also! Congrats!

·         Denise Wachs And the bowl of bones???

·         Stephanie Williams Scooby Snacks

·         Edgar Ben Williams Four schnauzers in the morning want treats before I head off to work

 

20 May 2015 Wednesday

I was grumpy with my kids. I think I caught a cold or something. feeling crappy going to bed... drinking Sangria until I pass out... For future reference when someone posts that he feels crappy and going to bed you don't call a bunch of times so the person gets out of bed and calls back thinking it must be important if that person keeps calling only to be ask "how you are doing." ... Broke a fever in the middle of the night soaking my pillows and sheet. Feeling better but hate that clammy feeling of damp sheets ... Good thing I have a full size bed...still raspy and a dry cough... Well it's fitting that I get one more cold before I stop teaching... Started by career catching crud from the kids in 1988 will end it still catching crud ... Part of being an elementary school teacher I suppose... Don't feel as grumpy either. I guess in the news its coming out that Josh Dugger of that stupid reality show of a family with 19 kids molested his sisters and others as a teenager and he’s on all these anti-Gay boards. LOL I commented on a revisionist trying to down play the importance of the Stonewall Riots. Of course there were many great movements prior to Stonewall like the Mattachine Society and Daughters of Billitus. The Compton riot like the Black Cat were important but not as significant as Stonewall. The Christopher Street Uprising was a paradigm shift in the Gay Rights movement. It shifted the idea of the Homophile Organizations concept of coming out. Before Stonewall coming out simple meant a self-acknowledgement that one was a homosexual. after Stonewall coming out meant telling at least someone else you are Gay. After publicly announcing one was Gay then you fate was collectively tied to the fate of other Gays. That never happened before. the Homophile Organizations wanted to decriminalize homosexuality relying on medical professionals to say we weren't criminals but that homosexuality was a pathology. What people should never forget was the Gay Liberation and the Gay Activist Alliance came directly from Stonewall. The fact that we would fight back for 3 days and then organize. The young activists took over the NACHO convention in 1969 and issued the manifesto to celebrate the last weekend in June to commemorate the Stonewall Uprising. To show the effect of Stonewall here in Utah a Gay Liberation Group was form in SLC in October 1969 from kids who brought it home from Berkeley CA. Prior to 1969 there were less than 50 groups nationally that support civil rights for homosexuals. Within 5 years we had nearly that many in SLC alone. Anyone old enough to live before Stonewall and afterwards knows Stonewall was a watershed moment where people came out in large enough numbers to know that we were not alone. Gay Liberationists were able to have the APA overturn the clinical definition of homosexuality as being a pathology.

·         Bill Poore God I miss drinking...feel better sweet princess.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Running a little fever and worn down .... The last weeks of shutting down school s hard... Tests are all done and the kids are to

·         Jamie Turnbow Feel better soon..

·         Chuck Whyte Take your urinal ,wine, and cell phone to bed, then you don't have to move

 

21 May 2015 Thursday’

I mowed the front yard and planted some flowers in case it rains all day Saturday like has the last two weeks. Seems to me I've been reading a lot of articles down playing the significance of the Stonewall Uprising by millenialists by saying others events happened before Stonewall...Of course there were many great movements prior to Stonewall like the Mattachine Society and Daughters of Billitus. The Compton riot like the Black Cat were important but not as significant as Stonewall. The Christopher Street Uprising was a paradigm shift in the Gay Rights movement. It shifted the idea of the Homophile Organizations concept of coming out. Before Stonewall coming out simple meant a self-acknowledgement that one was a homosexual. after Stonewall coming out meant telling at least someone else you are Gay. After publicly announcing one was Gay then you fate was collectively tied to the fate of other Gays. That never happened before. the Homophile Organizations wanted to decriminalize homosexuality relying on medical professionals to say we weren't criminals but that homosexuality was a pathology. What people should never forget was the Gay Liberation and the Gay Activist Alliance came directly from Stonewall. The fact that we would fight back for 3 days and then organize. The young activists took over the NACHO convention in 1969 and issued the manifesto to celebrate the last weekend in June to commemorate the Stonewall Uprising. To show the effect of Stonewall here in Utah a Gay Liberation Group was form in SLC in October 1969 from kids who brought it home from Berkeley CA. Prior to 1969 there were less than 50 groups nationally that support civil rights for homosexuals. Within 5 years we had nearly that many in SLC alone. Anyone old enough to live before Stonewall and afterwards knows Stonewall was a watershed moment where people came out in large enough numbers to know that we were not alone. Gay Liberationists were able to have the APA overturn the clinical definition of homosexuality as being a pathology.

·         Russell Pack Spot on! That was THE turning point.

 

22 May 2015 Friday

As soon as I got home today I bought some Fescue grass seeds. Takes 30 percent less water than Blue Grass...then climbing into my Bib overalls and straw hat... I have been out back for three hours digging and prepping the ground, laying seed, then picking piles of tree branches up before mowing half the back yard. I am pooped so will finish the other half of the yard tomorrow. Filled up one full garden refuse container all ready. Yee haw... give me 40 acres and a mule. Faeries love their gardens. Ireland overwhelming voted for Gay Marriage. "We're the first country in the world to enshrine marriage equality in our constitution and do so by popular mandate. That makes us a beacon, a light to the rest of the world of liberty and equality. So it's a very proud day to be Irish." Said Ireland's minister of Health... Maybe Now Gays can march in Americas St Patrick Day Parades.  I finally watched Guardians of the Galaxy last night, yes I am behind the times, and thoroughly enjoyed it so I now get what all the hub bub is all about

·         Kevin Scott Opponents of marriage equality here like to say that it's all because of the courts, choosing to ignore that Washington State brought it about because of a popular vote of the people, initiated by the legislature. The luck o' the Irish be with you!

·         Ruadhan O'Sheridan St. Patrick's Day parades are about Catholic bigots and not about the Irish people themselves, so please don't conflate the two, just because there are some Irish Catholic bigots.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Better late than never.

·         Michael Aaron West It's wonderful in 3D too....and I hate 3D movies...And Chris Pratt is mine! Back off sister! Did you enjoy the music?  

·         Edgar Ben Williams Loved all the music

 

23 May 2015 Saturday

James Dabakis had an extra ticket to see Judy Collins in concert in Park City tonight and asked me to join his party. I've loved Sweet Judy Blue Eyes' music since I was a teenager in the sixties and now I am in my sixties. Jim said he asked me because you have to be old to remember her lol... The music of my youth and of a generation like no other.  I went over to Jim’s Avenue B home and then we went and picked up two of his friends. Claudio is from Brazil originally but has been Jim’s hairdresser for 30 years. He was about our age but his friend Alejandro Roark was just in his late 20’s and works for Ririe Woodbury Dance Company. Jim bought dinner at Café Rio before the show at 8. Just got in from a magical evening at Park City's Egyptian Theater listening to Judy Collins perform. I went courtesy of Jim Dabakis with his friends Alejandro Roark and Claudio. Beautiful night and the rains stopped. Judy sang her standards like Both Sides Now as well as folk covers Diamonds and Rust and Chelsea Morning. She told stories of her friends like Pete Seeger and Joan Baez and even Joan Rivers. At 76 she had a few senior moments but since almost everyone there were seniors we were a forgiving crowd but mostly her voice was clear and angelic. She sure sang the songs of my youth and the folk protest movement.

·         Richard P. Butler I remember!

·         Edgar Ben Williams That's because you are old too lol ....ask Austin if he knows who Judy Collins is smile emoticon

·         Richard P. Butler Couple of old farts! Enjoy the concert!!

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Oh, how I envy you. And you don't have to be old to remember Judy Collins, you just need to appreciate good music, specially folk music. I think I have everything she has ever recorded. One of my favorite songs is “Someday Soon." I might be old, but I wouldn't trade her for a room full of the current female singers. I follow her on Facebook, and she still tours constantly. Enjoy.

·         Ruadhan O'Sheridan I heard a hilarious folk of that song today on A Prairie Home Companion. Enjoy! I love her voice.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Someday soon was the first song she sang

·         Bill Poore were you wearing petula oil and beads?

·         Edgar Ben Williams No patchouli oil or beads, tweed jacket and tie for Sweet Judy Blue Eyes

·         Bill Poore I am sure she wouldn’t have minded your overalls and straw hat....

·         Roland Ron Holmgren "Someday Soon" has very special meaning for me. "Some, someday going with him, someday soon." Written by Ian Tyson of Ian and Sylvia. Of course, Ben, you are too young to remember them. Glad it was a good concert. Didn't realize she is 76.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Four Strong Winds... I listened to a lot of folk music of the early 60s Kingston Trio, new Christie Minstrels, Gale Garnet peter Paul and Mary, and of course Dylan

·         Bill Poore I can smell the patchouli oil already....she was one of the voices our generation that is for sure....I loved her.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Did she sing "Someday Soon"?

·         Edgar Ben Williams She opened with Someday Soon and closed with getting the audience to sing amazing grace

·         Erick Myers I still love her amazing voice!

 

24 May 2015 Sunday

Started off as a soggy morning but cleared up enough for me to drive to Gunnison to see Kyle today. Took the truck down listening to the best of the Roches which is kind of my routine. It took me about 15 minutes just to get processed in because they had their old guy [probably younger than me] typing on the computer and he was soooo slow. I got in to see Kyle about 1 pm and we visited until 3 pm. He wants me to get him his biology text book so he can finish up his degree at SLCC. He also needed $75 put on his books for toiletries and rent of his TV. He’s getting all his magazines and that is good. The time goes by so fast when you are with someone you love. I hit some rain heading home at Nephi but otherwise it was a good trip. I didn’t tell anyone about going down. I just needed this time for myself. 

 

25 May 2015 Monday Memorial Day

Such a pretty day decided to work in the yard. Finally got two trash barrels full of twig branches all picked up and mowed the back yard. Flowers are pretty in the front. Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day the kick off for Summer. Texas Governors get dumber and dumber after Ann Richards. Abbott calls out the Texas Guard to keep Obama from invading the state and then 25 days later he is asking Obama for the National Guard to help with all the flooding there. This Memorial Day I want to remember Britton Williams who was a Partisan Rangers during the American Revolution. On January 23, at the Wiggin's Plantation, in old Orangeburgh District South Carolina a group of British, Loyalists, and Indians led by Lt. Col. Thomas Brown of the King's Rangers made camp at Wiggin's Plantation. The Patriot force, commanded by Lt. Col. William Harden, learned of the British camp and made plans to attack them. On January 24, shortly after midnight, the Patriots made their move. They rode into the camp, terrifying the Loyalist militia. The British Rangers did not panic. They quickly formed into a battle line, fired at the Patriots, driving them out of the camp. At 8:00 am, the Patriots attacked the camp again. They dismounted their horses and opened fire on the Loyalists. The militia once again fled the camp, with some of them joining the Patriots. The British Rangers joined with the Indians, formed into their battle line, and charged the Patriots. Once again, the Patriots were forced back, scattering into the nearby Coosawhatchie swamp and hiding out on an island. For months, they were too weak to be much help in the war effort of the low country. On April 7, 1781 a detachment of Harden’s men under Major Cooper captured Barton’s Post in Colleton County along with a Tory captain and six men after a sharp fight. However the notorious Colonel Browne still at Wiggins Hill surprised the rest of the rangers. On 7 April of 1781 skirmish again at Wiggins Hill lasting less than half an hour when Commander Harden retreated due to the superior number of the British forces. Col. Browne commanded a force of 170 men and 500 Indians. Col. Harden only had a force of 76 men. During the battle seven of the Rangers were killed outright, eleven were wounded and five men were captured. The Patriot prisoners were Britton Williams, Rannal McKoy a boy of 17 years, George Smith, George Reed and a French man. Col. Browne took the five Partisan Ranger prisoners and put them in a pen made of fence rails about 3 feet high with a covering of some material near Rush's Mill. The prisoners were condemned as traitors to the Royal Crown and were sentenced to the gallows. McKoy’s mother was brought to the camp and begged Colonel Browne to spare her son but to no avail. The five prisoners were hanged until nearly dead when then their bodies were cut down and delivered over to the scalping Indians in Col. Browne’s assemblage, who scalped the bodies and otherwise mutilated them in their accustomed manner. Col. Browne then turned his fury on Granville District burning homes, stealing livestock, food, and horses, and committing many other atrocities during the war. Britton Williams widow retrieved her dead husbands body and buried him on their plantation near Kings Creek. He was about 41 years old and left at least four children behind under the age of 11 years. Britton Williams had Wilson Williams who had Green Williams who had G.K [Babe] Williams who had Edgar [Edd] Williams who had Louis Williams who had my dad Edgar Williams who fought in WWII in the Pacific. Britton Williams sacrificed everything for us to be the first country to believe in the rights of the people to govern themselves,

·         Amy Barry Mine was a yard work day too. I started early and it rained a bit here, but thankfully the weather understood this was not a rainy day. Got my canopy up and pots planted too.

·         Bill Poore are you growing pot Amy?

·         Chuck Whyte Yea Amy Barry can I get some starts from your plants.........I will just tell the police  that the seeds blew in from Colorado ......LMAO

·          Amy Barry You both wish smile emoticon.

 

26 May 2015 Tuesday

Down pouring in Bountiful so indoor lunch recess ugh. When I got home from school I made a quick Chicken Pot Pie for when Erick Meyers came over. We had a nice long visit.  Erick Myers knew me from the old days. We talked about Beyond Stonewall and the community back then when we called ourselves "family" and meant it. He lives in Brussels now so he’s over visiting friends and family. He was in the Faeries way back then and into crystals, charkas, and transmediation... All the stuff we Sacred Faeries loved...he read my aura once and I was a Neon Blue Calla Lily ... I stood alone but gave off light for others. I miss those days but try to catch a dream... They are not meant to last forever. Sad story in Texas about a Prom Queen returning from a Prom dance and died in the flood waters near Devine Texas.

·         Kay Campbell She was from Devine Tx. A small town not far from San Antonio.

·         Edgar Ben Williams How is San Antonio holding up? We have lots of rain but no flooding

·         Kay Campbell Same here but a lot of the towns around us were hit hard.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Well keep dry cuz

·         Erick Myers Thanks, Ben! It was great catching up with you and hearing about your life since I left town. So good to re-connect with dear old friends and pick up the conversation where we left off. Thanks also for the great chicken pot pie. It was delicious! All the best to you...

·         Jon Schild · Beyond Stonewall was a major part of my coming out. Hi Erick.

·          

27 May 2015 Wednesday

School is kicking my butt as we are winding down the year...but all our major testing was done last week. I sent home math homework yesterday 10 problems only 3 kids bothered to do it. Made the class miss last recess and stay in. They got it done in a hurry then. They think school is out and rules don't apply now... But I have my play to keep them busy... Threatened to kick some kids out of it but they shaped up because no matter what they say...they want to be in it...wanted to strangle half my kids trying to teach them direct object pronouns...I might as well be talking to the wall...oh well six more days but who’s counting. When I got home I sat down and got on line for Access Corrections to put money on his account. Almost as soon as I finished I got a phone call from Kyle Foote just as I had put $75 in his account. Big storm and big winds blustering here across Jordan at West Pointe... Dark clouds ready to burst...batten down the hatches... Here comes the thunder. Gonna be a 3 dog night... Thunder scared Daisy and Buddy so they wanted up on the bed with Lucky and me... I read an article on FB by Mother Jones Magazine that most wine snobs do not know what they are talking about and in blind tests could not tell the difference between a $100 bottle of wine and a $10 one.  I knew it... Drink what you like not what you think you should like... I still like my Mogen David as a shot before bed time lol. I took one of those FB Play Buzz Quizzes on what Queer Folk character I was and I was Debbie the supportive mom “You are the supportive uber-mother with a big mouth and an even bigger heart to match. You take many of those in need under your wing. You are a big gay rights supporter and are the leader of many demos.

·         Deb Rosenberg I always liked games the last week of school. One of my favorites was, and still is, the Prepositional Phrase Game.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I am one of the last teachers that actually teach the 8 parts of speech... If it's not tested it’s not taught anymore

·         Richard P. Butler Ben you have been a fine teacher and have helped improve numerous kids’ lives. Enjoy your retirement with a smile. I still remember those teachers (yes, and their names) that helped make me the person I am today.

 

28 May 2015  Thursday

Still raining here in Jordan Addition this soggy Thursday .... Grabbed an umbrella and headed off to work I Went and had three fillings done right after school at my dentist in Centerville. My doctor is Dr. Garcia and he is really good. I paid for all the work including the one next June 9th today. $136. My Mouth is all numbed good. Tomorrow at school we are having our farewell end of the year party. I have 5 more school days and then it is the end. We plant in the fall and harvest in the spring. But this is my last harvest.  I made some pulled pork southern style tonight. Maybe will be ready this weekend. My poor schnauzers look like dust mops they are so wooly and overdue for haircuts. But tomorrow they will all be looking spiffy for the summer when Stephen Bolinder works his magic... They all look much fatter than they actually are... Today after school getting some cavities filled but thinking of postponing because of this nagging dry cough... Hate to have a coughing spasm in the middle of the drilling. Saw a study that to afford a two bedroom apartment one needed to make $15.60 an hour. Salt Lake City use to be an inexpensive place to live as well as the rest of Utah... But with one needing to make $15 an hour for a two bedroom apartment even a $10 an hour job is inefficient.... But Utah business cry over raising wages while a 100 years ago Henry Ford was smart enough to know you pay people wages high enough to afford your product...

·         Bill Poore Rain is our friend.

·         Stephanie Williams Drive safe and send some of your rain out here. Have. Great day Ben:)

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Rain is not my friend right now. Where my grass is so tall that my dogs get lost in it.

·         Richard P. Butler I've needed to mow my lawn every third day. Growing so fast I swear I can watch it get longer.

·         Kevin Scott Umbrellas are for everyone raised outside of the Northwest. We grew up with webbed feet and love the liquid sunshine.

·         Bill Poore Stop trying to make us sad. "They are all my children."

·         Edgar Ben Williams hardheartedness is what done in the Ancient Egyptians Bill Poore watch out for frogs and pestilence

·         Bill Poore Ben do you know where that quote came from.....what great teacher film is it from ?

·         Edgar Ben Williams Came from me... Have you never read your Bible?

·         Bill Poore No it was an older film about this teacher, at the end he was on his death bed and someone said to him "to bad you did not have any children", then he said "They were all my children" I think during world war II (it was an English school) he became head master. Ben I meant the quote "They are all my Children"

·         Edgar Ben Williams Goodbye Mr Chips?

·         Bill Poore I believe it was,. I loved that film, as much as I loved that dog.

·         Edgar Ben Williams He retires permanently in 1918. He is on his deathbed in 1933 when he overhears his friends talking about him. He responds, "I thought you said it was a pity, a pity I never had children. But you're wrong. I have! Thousands of them, thousands of them – and all boys."

·         Bill Poore yeah that was the line.....I forgot, i knew it had something to do with having thousands of children...

·          Charles Lynn Frost Will you wear a MORTARBOARD on your last day perhaps? I'm sure we'll read about every single part of that last day, leave nothing out.

·         Edgar Ben Williams My last day will be like every other last day for 28 years...clean up, say our goodbyes, sign some t- shirts send them out the door and then collapse exhausted

·          

29 May 2015 Friday

I don't mind dreaming, it's the only time I can be with people I love who I can't be with when awake. Heard my grandpa Johnson's clear mid Tennessee Texas drawl. I would recognize that voice anywhere. How I miss it. Dreamed I was doing the dishes for grandma again. People and places long gone but still alive in my dreams. School went pretty fast and I gave my last spelling test, last  vocabulary test, last grammar test and last Math Test I will ever have to give.  We had our faculty retirement party for Liz Beck and me right after school at 1:45 and it lasted until 3:15 so I could zip home to meet Stephen Bolinder for the dogs grooming. It was outside under the pine trees near the kindergarten’s rooms and the decorating committee had world globes hanging from the boughs. The Waffle House came with a food cart with all kinds of toppings but I didn’t eat anything. All district employees who retire get this nice brass school bell that rings. Mine was presented by my old principal from Orchard Pam Park who is now an asst. superintendent. She came down especially to present it to me. I taught with her for 10 years and she loves my butt. She said some beautiful things about my career as a teacher. Which touched my heart. She knew I was Gay at a time I could have lost my job at any moment but she watched over me and protected me... She asked to keep in touch and i said you can always find me in the QSalt Lake and she asked what the q stood for and I said queer... It was a sweet moment... So much of my 27 years I was so afraid I'd lose my job if it was discovered I was Gay... Times have changed All. I actually choked up when I was asked to speak and only said a few words less than I wanted to say. I guess it hit me that this was the end.  As soon as it wound down I took off so I could be home at 4 pm to meet with Stephen. He said he was not feeling well for the past few days with heart palpitations but he said he wanted to do the dogs. He did Coco, Daisy, Lucky and Buddy in that order and was down by 8:00. I think he would have been down sooner but when Michael Romero came over to take off with his camper, they talked about Stephen’s new truck for a while. The dogs really needed grooming since February 7 that they had haircuts. I paid him $160 and gave him some gift cards for Café Rio and Michael’s a hobby shop I had from school, Now at the end of the day my Schnauzers are sound asleep from having traumatic haircuts... They think it's traumatic but they are so lucky I have someone come to the house rather than them being in a cage all day... Nice short field cuts for the summer... Thanks Stephen Bolinder,. It was a nice day and a nice farewell. My Kids made little paper dolls with nice comments about me and gave me 6 bags of Russell Sugar free chocolate candy.

·         Richard P. Butler Those dreams are their souls talking to you while you sleep. (my mom use to tell me that)

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Job well done.

·         Bill Poore Did you cry, the bell made me work up a tear?

·         Edgar Ben Williams Believe it or not I started tearing when asked to speak about my time at Washington so I was really brief and cut my remarks short... So what! Everybody cries

·         Bill Poore I don’t am cold as hell. It was really nice they gave you a party. The Bell is beautiful.

·         Michael Aaron West Congratulations! Ring my belllllllll! Ring my bell!

·         Terry McKeown Oh my... Stop! You've made me tear up! My children...all 3....loved you.

·         Ruadhan O'Sheridan OMG Ben. I am just shedding spontaneous boobie tears for you. You have angels. You have had them all along. You are going out on a chorus, not a whisper. Ben, there is a chorus. Do you hear it? lllllove you Edgar Ben Williams

·         Kay Campbell That is so very nice.

·         Edgar Ben Williams If it wasn't for you Kay I might have given up

·         Dan Fahndrich Very nice Ben.....

·         James Connelley it's not hard to make me farkkelmpt but this story makes me reach for a new tissue each time, Mr. Williams.

·          

30 May 2015 Saturday

Had some pancakes and a sausage for dinner before heading up to school in Bountiful to finish up grades and to clean out my classroom so on my last day June 4th, I can lock my room, turn in my keys and be finished without looking back.  When I first got there the school was locked up and I was kind of pissed but just as I was leaving Adelle Arvidson our asst. principal showed up and had the district unlock the electronic entrance. I filled four small boxes of things I wanted to keep, pictures and mementoes. Not a whole lot after 27 years.  I kept a few memories from when teaching was fun and we could let the kids be creative and expand their imagination... a few of the things I did with my kids back in the 1990's not permitted today.... test test test data data data... yearly annual progress... math, science, and reading... no time for anything else.  Stayed home the rest of the evening and worked on John Williams the Younger’s genealogical history.  This persistent cough is aggravating and the cold sore I am developing. Went to bed about 9 pm and just started watching movies on Netflix, It’s been a while since I felt I could relax and watch TV. Stephen Bolinder went into the ER last night because of his heart palpitations.   He is probably just worn out from Coronation last week and all the catching up on grooming . L  Tom Perry died today at age 92 the oldest Mormon Apostle. I first met him at my BYU days over 40 years ago. The last I saw him was last March at the signing of the anti-discrimination law by the governor.

 

31 May 2015 Sunday

Woke up way too early courtesy of Buddy wanting his morning treat at 6:30.I had stayed up late until 1:30 a.m. watching Netflix movies “Stranger By the Lake” and Four Moons (Cuatro Lunas). Both were really good but in different ways. Stranger by the Lake is a French film about Gay cruising and a man falling for a man he knows is a murderer. Four Moons intertwines four stories in Mexico at different times, first crush, college romance, breaking up, and an old man falling for a young hustler. So even though I was tired fixed a breakfast of hash browns, sausage, eggs, English muffins and coffee.  After watering all the plants on the deck I got out the electric mower and did the front yard, trimmed bushes, pulled weeds, blew all the cotton off the driveway and water this morning before it gets too hot. They said it may got up to 90 today. After 3 hours I am done even after sweeping the street curb so I am pooped but pleased with a pretty yard. However Last thing I saw was my neighbor across the street toss a plastic diaper from his porch, missing the huge trash container bin and hitting his driveway. Did not bother to pick it up... trashy people. Glad my parents taught me to work hard and take pride in the things you have. I might not have much but I take care of what I do have. Had a nice Sunday dinner with Bill Poore and my ex Mike Romero. Richard P. Butler made me hungry for pulled pork so I made some Carolina style more vinegar based than tomato based... Also made a coleslaw with vinegar instead of mayo, some baked beans, pickled eggs and dill pickles... Had iced tea but no one ate the brownies. Bill came Over to show off his new fishing van... We are gonna hippie it up with pillows and tie dye curtains lol... Bill brought over four batches of mums... I thought maybe I died and no one told me... They are beautiful on the porch... I kept the yellow ones for the house... Cut some peonies and roses for the house before the heat burns them up... Before bed cleaned the kitchen changed the sheets on my bed and Ironed four shirts for school next week. Probably the last time I will ever have to iron for a long time.

·         Me to Bill Poore -I am finished with my yard work when you come over bring a couple of hard rolls. I made BBQ pulled pork, Coleslaw, baked beans and iced tea and brownies but forgot the hard rolls for the buns. Just a couple from the Smith bin should do.

·         Bill Poore-ok when do you want me to come?

·         Me-Afternoon some time... I just spent 3 hours out in the sun cleaning the front yard. The back will have to wait. It’s all made...just need to warm it whenever you come over... nothing on the stove... just a light summery dinner.  Its Carolina BBQ pulled pork and coleslaw. More vinegary and no ketchup or mayo taste. I made brownies a few days ago so can finish them off. Baked beans from a can so will just nuke them when ever.

·         Bill Poore Dinner was great Ben, perfect warm weather meal.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Should have taken some with you for your supper tonight. Sent home a care package with mike

·         Bill Poore Now I wished I had.....

·         Edgar Ben Williams I bet only old people like us even remember what a Care package is LOL

·         Bill Poore for sure, "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers" Now that I have my van I hope to meet a lot of very strange folk.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Get you motor running Head out on the highway Looking for adventure or whatever comes your way...Born to be wild

·         Bill Poore Teen Age Waste Land....

·         Richard P. Butler Farmer Ben getting set for retirement. Looking good!!!

 

JUNE

1 June 2015 Monday

Very warm again today. I heard it got up to 90 degrees. Last week before summer vacation, actually 3 and 1/2 days of babysitting because my grades are all done. 5th Grade college bowl today, swimming tomorrow at the Bountiful Rec Center for field Day, Wednesday perform the ghost of Plymouth Castle, and Thursday our classroom auction to get rid of classroom money and then bowling and send them home to parents to find another baby sitter. Got my grades put into the kids folders during Art Prep so won’t have to do that the last minute and while the kids were playing kickball Jeny and I sat and did class placement for next year. So there’s that. I guess there will be two six grades instead of one. We mostly rehearsed today, played 5th grade college bowl and kick ball. Tomorrow is field day. It won’t be as hot I think.  Seth and Michael are back east involved in the lawsuit against that Jewish Reparation organization called JONAH. I didn’t  know that The Southern Poverty Law Center was involved supporting Michael. “A New Jersey court case beginning on Wednesday could be the opening salvo in the final battle over conversion therapy. The first case of its kind, four former clients of an ex-gay conversion therapy provider are contending in Ferguson vs. JONAH that an organization violated New Jersey's Consumer Fraud Act by claiming its services could "cure" their homosexuality.”.

 

2 June 2015 Tuesday

My class left about 10:30 to walk to the Bountiful Recreation Center for field day. Once there we ate some lunches we packed with us then off  we went to swim until 2:00. That should tire them out walking 1 mile back to school.  It was so muggy inside but kids are having fun. I sat outside with Liz Beck and spent most of the time just visiting since its out last time to really to do so. I sat out by the kiddie pirate pool and talked to Liz about changes over the years and how the state legislature has ruined education over the past 20 years. Idiots not having a clue about education, mandating their twisted right wing and business agendas. Utah once valued education, we taught music, art, theater, dance, geography, history, health, as well as  reading writing and arithmetic to make for a well-rounded child. Now Utah only wants worker bees kept chained to the company store and snake oil sellers. Keep a population stupid and you can sell them anything...even paying hundreds of millions for moving a state prison while keeping school funding 51st in the nation. Well build them prisons you will need to fill them with the kids you failed to educate with an appreciation of something more than money. I even got to see an old colleague from Orchard Days at the rec center, Jade Campbell. Caught up on all the news from the few I still knew or knows my. She was excited to see me and especially excited to know I was retiring. She teaches at a Title One School now too and is pretty discourage the way education is moving these days too. Funny I have no idea why some of these really old dudes  come to the plunge during field day and put up with a bazillion screaming kids... I am here only because I get paid lol I go over to the high dive side because only 5th and 6th are allowed in there and the noise is bare able. Gathering up the boys got to see some nice naked men though and a few teenagers… Shame on me. Oh well I can appreciate male beauty doesn’t mean I want to jump them. Well we left to walk back to school at 2:00 and we stopped at Maverick Convenient Store and kids back monster drinks and all kinds of crap. LOL  Well my last Field Day is over and I survived herding cats back to school walking about a mile. Beautiful day not too hot.  Well the end is coming pretty damn fast. I was thinking about this Stones song You Can’t Always Get What You Want, all day. The Beatles appealed to our angelic nature but the Stones brought out the devil in us... The Beatle wanted us to love love love and expand our minds...the Stones wanted us to have sex sex sex...this song became my mantra you can't always get what you want but if you try sometime you just might find you get want you need.... Mick was singing to me in 1969 you can't always get the man you want ... Boy did that ring true. Charles Lynn Frost posted that tonight is June's Full Moon. Strawberry Moon is one of its Native American names... Others are Full Leaf Moon, Planting Moon, Green Corn Moon. The Celtics called it the Mead Moon, Horse Moon, Dyan Moon, or Rose Moon. The Chinese call it the Lotus Moon. The Norse folk called it the Duir or Oak Moon. Different Faeries call it the Wild Cherry Moon and to us Sacred Faeries it is the Faerie Moon. In the Moon Calendar of Cats June is the Fence Sitting Moon. Whatever you call it look up tonight and see Bella Luna radiant and full.  There are so many Republicans jumping into the Presidential Race. The Koch brothers are throwing as much shit against the way to see what sticks. We are quickly becoming the ancient regime of France with the first estate being clergy, second estate being the aristocrats, and the third estate the commoners. The first and second minorities always joined to oppress the third who were the majority. The GOP's (Greedy Oppressive People) motto should be "Let Them Eat Cake". Marie Antoinette should not be a role model for any real equality loving aristocrat hating American. The real terrorists ride in Limousines. Impossible to be a disciple of Christ and a Republican at the same time. You can't say you love God and at the same time grind the face of the poor. Big Business Christianity love profits more than prophets. When you build billion dollar shopping malls rather that habitats for humanity ...you're values are skewed. If you think people are worthy of death who have never harmed you...you are one sick puppy... Ted Cruz was caught on tape calling President Obama a “nigger in the White House.”

·         Craig Hunter-Ben, I just wanted to say that I'm very proud of you.   Since knowing you from when I was a youngster you have come a long way.   I wish you the very best in your retirement future.

·         Me-Thanks Craig...Grant Cheever said he retired end of May

·         Craig- I think it was the last working day of the month.   Him and I should be looking at a backpacking trip together in a few months to NE Oregon.   Grant, is a real loner. Sometimes I wish he got out more and visited with people.   But he says he is very happy so that's what counts.

·         Ben-Yes happy is happy even if it's not our form of happiness

·         Bill Poore Yeah the list of funding per student per state was out today, Utah again finished dead last. Life elevated indeed. I couldn’t believe the bullshit coming out of the legislators mouths today talking about funding. I just don’t understand how all these parents can just smile and continue to vote these people into office just because they have an R behind their name. It is sad seeing teachers like you retire that taught all that you did, the new teachers won’t even realize what was taken away.

·         Edgar Ben Williams No they won't Mrs. Beck and I were commenting about that ...once every grade level had at least one teacher who play the piano often more...now we have one and when she retires none of the new teachers will have that skill but by golly they know how to work a smart board and put more rigor into their in depth lessons on citing text evidence for the common core. What will we have when we have a whole generation without imagination nor an appreciation for the liberal arts?

 

3 June 2015 Wednesday

There's no business like show business... After coordinating all the kids switching cast around so they can perform The Ghost of Plymouth Castle for younger siblings today half the teachers switch times they signed up for and I am scrambling to make sure the right kids perform for the right teachers... One more day and I won't even care anymore... The Final Curtain for the ghost of Plymouth castle has come down after a 26 year run . I had a Cast party with donuts, orange crush, and candy bars... and It is finished. After school I struck down the backdrop and props. As school was ending Had a little 4th grader plead with me not to retire so she can be on my class next year. One little boy said “I am sorry you are going and I smiled and said well try to be happy for me... The kids I taught this year will graduate from HS in the year 2022 when I am 71 ... My first kids graduated in 1995 when I was 44. At the end of the year assembly the PTA recognized my service to Washington and gave me a tile that said a Family Tree begins with the love of two hearts. After taking Coco home I had to go to the story for tomorrow’s last Auction. Spent $30 on pop and candy and treats for the auction tomorrow. It’s my last one so I splurged a little. My classroom money system was that kids had classroom jobs, they earned classroom money for 100s, As or B's on Test. The kids got paid on Friday by filling out payrolls that they turned into their bankers and they each had to keep track of their own accounts. They paid fines for misbehavior out of their accounts and for leaving the classroom and other things. At the end of each of the terms they could bid at a silent auction for goodies I brought in. This last term is an open auction so the kids with the most money who worked the hardest can bid on as many things that they have money for. The money system was my classroom discipline also. You can't punish by taking anything away from someone if they have nothing to begin with. Many of my kids are rich with $1000s in their bank and since after tomorrow it becomes worthless this is my way of rewarding the kids who worked the hardest. Trying to teach them the value of work. Some I fear I will see at pioneer park someday mooching for money.. Today is my sweet mom’s anniversary of her birth. My mom was born in a four room shack outside the oil boom town of Shamrock Texas in 1929. shortly after she was born the Stock Market Crashed leading to the Great Depression. She grew to adolescence mostly under one President FDR who brought in all the social safety nets the GOP would destroy today. Even in that hard times she found freedom riding bareback without saddle or reins her beloved horses Tarzan and Lizard. She fell in love with a nearby 17 year old boy when she was barely 13. He ran away to join the navy during WWII and served on a mine laying ship until it was stuck by Japanese bombs a day before the invasion of Iwo Jima. She married this man when he was discharged from the Navy. She was 16 years old and he was 21. They left Texas after a crop failure and moved to California in 1953 with their three children the youngest being 2 years old. They bought a home in rural Orange County for $8000 which later became Garden Grove and built a life there raising their children there and seeing all of their grandchildren born. She worked in blue collar jobs mostly sewing having only a 10th grade education. She was not a stay home mom. After some thirty-five years they sold their home and became almost like nomads moving to Victorville, Prescott AZ, Cottonwood AZ, back to Lubbock Texas, then finally to Palmdale CA within a 15 year period...nothing felt quite like home after GG. After nearly 65 years she lost her companion, moved to Las Vegas and finally to SanTan Valley AZ when she died 3 days after my birthday in 2011. She was interred in my dad’s grave at Rose Hill CA. Today is my mom Wilma June Johnson Williams birthday and this was one of her favorite songs. Happy Birthday mom and thank you for my life and accepting me for who I am...your baby boy. There’s been so much hype on Bruce Jenner becoming Caitlyn and having her picture on the cover of Vanity Fare. I don't care a wit about Bruce becoming Caitlyn as much as Jenner still being a Republican. gender and sexual orientation doesn't matter to me as much as not being a member of the party of the oppressor. I feel the same about Quisling Gays who join the Log Cabin. And has everyone forgotten Renee Richards who transitioned 40 years before Jenner decided to marry 3 times and have 4 kids that he abandoned?. Bill POORE said he wanted to take me out for dinner to celebrate my retirement

·         Bill P-So I will be over to your house around 3 tomorrow.....?

·         Me-Should work out fine... Need to take the hounds home by 5

·         Bill-Maybe we should eat after 5....after you feed the dogs.

·         Me- That will work too...

·         Bill- Why don't I come over around 5 30 and we can go have a nice dinner?  I don't really want to rush, unless you have a hot date with Kyle 2

·         Me-That's Friday ... Feel like BBQ?

·         Bill -What about a nice steak at Ruby River? Remember it is my treat.  I expect to spend a lot . We had BBQ when I was over the other day remember?

·         Roland Ron Holmgren As usual, your heartfelt tribute to your mother was a joy to read. Now that you are soon to be retired, you need to seriously consider writing your story, your history to be published. I know you keep journals, etc. but now is the time to put it all together in book form. I would buy it if you autographed it.

·         Charline Wachs I miss her every day. I know she was not ever truly happy after dad passed away. I know they are together now and that is how it should be. They both had a good life together. Happy Birthday Mom.

·         Alan Anderson was wanting to get a hold of me to baby sit his dogs Corky and Bonnie while he attends the Utah Stonewall Democrat be to do on Saturday the 13th

·         Me to Kyle D-Have Alan friend me on Edgar Ben Williams... I don't look at Benedgar much... I can babysit the 13th of June and send me details

·         Kyle D-Awesome. Will I see you Friday morning?

·         Me-If you still want Pride Tickets and to see me

·         Kyle D- Then YES! What time?

·         Me -What time is good for you and are you bringing your hard on?

·         Kyle D. Yes dear. Like 8?

·         Me-That's fine if you're up

·         Kyle D-Lol I will be.

4 June 2015 Thursday

Held my auction for the last time today this morning. A couple of stinkers got things that I would have rather they had not but oh well. At 11 we went to Bountiful Bowl on 5th West for our last activity... The alley is being torn down end of June so it’s the last time 5th graders from Washington will go there for a last day activity. On this Last Day of 2014-2015 handed out report cards and got lots of hugs before sending them out the door. I gave some things to Jeny Petersen and was surprised that she gave me a beautiful wind chime. I was touched when she called me her “mentor”.  I posted on my door “The Race’s Been Won, I am Done. Gone Fishing and gather up a few things turned in my keys and was out the door. Logically I know that this my last official working day but it feels just like any other end of the year closing down but this time I am not coming back. Time has come today. This song came out in 1968. My first job was in 1968 chopping cotton for 75 cent an hour in West Texas. Later my Senior Year I worked at Home Silk Shop for mean Mr Romans a German Jew concentration camp survivor for $1.25 an hour. In the summer of 69 I worked for $2 an hour unloading beer trucks. To this day I hate beer. spring of 1970 hired at Taco Bell for 1.35 an hour. Loved that job because I got John Cunningham hired and my cousin Larry Fagen. As usual I did most of John's work. Worked through college in CA at Taco Bell thinking I was rich working a graveyard shift in 1973 for $2.50 an hour...$20 a day! But it almost got me killed because I worked alone and once about 5 am I was robbed at gun point taken to the back utility closet where I was shoved in while the place was ransacked as I heard one say let’s shoot this guy ...I heard some drunk outside yelling are you open and scared the people away. My main thought besides being terrified was that if I had at least been killed in Vietnam mom would have had a medal but here my death would have meant nothing. Well time has come today and my working days are over... I've tried to make a difference with people since that June Day in 1973... Money did not seem to matter as much but how we live our lives between the two dates on our gravestone ...now I will have time to write and save what I can of my biological and Gay family... time has come today. As a very different teenager in the 60's after hearing the Amboy Dukes I made the connection that my tribe was out there somewhere but had no clue how to find them. I made a lot of blunders joining tribes hoping to fit in but never could. They weren't my tribe...finally I found the White Rabbit Hole and found my Tribe in Wonderland... It's been a Journey to the Center of my mind... Find your tribe...Sorry for being a curmudgeon but I don't see Jenner as much of a hero or role model...Renee Richards on the other hand made a difference in this old world. Renée Richards (born August 19, 1934) is an American ophthalmologist, author and former professional tennis player. In 1975, Richards underwent sex reassignment surgery. She was denied entry into the 1976 US Open by the United States Tennis Association, citing an unprecedented women-born-women policy. She disputed the ban, and the New York Supreme Court ruled in her favor in 1977. This was a landmark decision in favor of transsexual rights. Through her fight to play tennis as a woman, she challenged gender roles and became a role model and spokesperson for the transgender community. Jenner never supported women's rights, never joined NOW or fought for women equality...instead he stayed a Republican, married three women, and had four children he was estranged from. Renee never did publicity stunts like a Vanity Faire spread or sign media contracts ... If you need a hero you got one in Renee Richards that the "LGBT" community has seemed to have forgotten...but not this old Gay Liberationist

 

5 June 2015 Friday

Kyle Daniels came over this morning at 8 a.m. to get the Pride Weekend Tickets and he fucked the shit out of me until 10 a.m. He fucked me two times and then we took a shower but he was still horny so we went into the movie room and I sucked him off until he was totally spent.

·         Ron Roland Holmstrom-What does Q stand for in the alphabet of LGT..whatever.  also, is it my imagination that gay males are getting short shift in the entertainment department.  The awards are balanced, but this Pride seems to put emphasis on transsexual people. And so does the Pride Center.  How many transsexual people are in Utah?  And why can't they choose someone in Utah as Grand Marshall.  I wonder truthfully how many people have even heard of Janet Mock.  Also, charging $12 (and $16 in the evening) can't they afford at least one performer that isn't either unknown or third rate.  Ben, just venting, but I really think our Pride Day is lousy this year.  With so much going on with emphasis on gay marriage and equality, maybe it is time to call it a day.   Didn't want to post this on my timeline.  Don't want to unleash the haters.

 

6 June 2015 Saturday

Well I left the water on all day and night yesterday starting at 4 pm when Michael came and got Coco so they could go camping. I forgot all about it until 8 a.m. this morning when I got up! I ran out and turned it off but I know I am going to have a huge water bill but the good news I won’t water again until towards the end of summer.  I do need someone to watch over me. Fixed some blueberry pancakes and sausages this morning. Looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day. I woke up about 1:30 a.m. this morning and instead of going back to sleep I stayed up until nearly 4:30 reading Facebook and posting. Saw that Jennifer Dobner’s article on Pride came out. This is what Jennifer Dobner wrote from our conversation for a SLTribune article on Pride Day.

"Ben Williams, a longtime activist who has chronicled decades of the LGBTQ community's advances on the Utah Stonewall Historical Society Archives website, shares some of Boyer's concern that LGBTQ youth have "forgotten the struggle." But, Williams said, each new generation of gay leaders must work to address the needs of the community as times change. That includes embracing changes in the way gay pride is celebrated each year, although his hope is that there will always be an appreciation for the history of the LGBTQ civil rights movement and culture." "I've always said Pride is more than a party," Williams said. "And it's more than one day a year. It's who we are. It's the struggle of the past and it's where we are going. We are an amazing people … and look how far we've come." I'm just an old Gay Liberationist trying to keep the tribe together. I also had a long message thread between Ron and I about the community or what’s left of it. As a former Kristen Ries Recipient (not winner, we hate that term) I get all these free passes to Pride Day Events. I gave my tickets to my friend Kyle G. Daniels who is just starting his career in education as I had just finished mine. My Armenian Ward Levon took me to dinner today. We went up to China Star in Bountiful, one of my favorites and lunch specials so reasonable. I had garlic chicken with lots of veggies, fried rice, a fantail shrimp, and hot and sour soup for just $5 for their lunch special. He's doing well and said I am proud of him...his asylum should be granted this summer, in the meantime he has his own studio apartment, bought himself a scooter, and is working at all these graphic design projects. I took him in this June two years ago when he wasn't allowed to work and had no place to live. His English is near perfect now... I guess that is how I show Gay Pride helping a Gay kid who would have been persecuted in Armenia which is almost as bad as Russia at being Anti-Gay... He's even making enough money to send home to his mother and grandmother. I did drive by with Levon and was amused by the anti-Gay Bible Thumpers with their God Hates Fags signs. The one I chuckled the most at was the one that said homosexuals are a national security threat! How retro! Right out of the 1950s Pink Scare handbook. Looks like a big crowd had surrounded them. I hope they don't piss off the drag queens and Trannys who if they mess with them will pull their beards out and snatch them bald. I hope it doesn't rain on the Million Dollar Pride Day... It's thundering and threatening here at Fernleaf. Been thinking about medicine cards lately-My main totem animal is bear for introspection and dreaming...once this Native American shaman did a dream quest with the Sacred Faeries and a Dancing Bear came to me to be a spirit guide ... According to the Medicine Wheel we have seven totem animals that protect us and gives us strength and wisdom... They are for East west south north above below and within... Mine are Bear, badger, owl, spider, horse, otter, and weasel. My Badger is aggressiveness, Owl deception and magic, the spider is a story teller, the horse brings power and shamanic practices the Otter is woman Medicine or female energy, and weasel is stealth and hears what is really being said. owl Medicine is symbolically associated with clairvoyance, astral projection, and Magic, both black and white. Owl is often known as the night Eagle among native Americans.  Owl is associated with the east the place of illumination. It's feathers are known as deceiver feathers because you cannot hear an owl when it flies. Owl can be the Medicine of sorcerers and medicine men or witches. If you have owl Medicine they will tend to collect around you because of the kinship you have with them. The Owl can see what others cannot so they are symbols of wisdom. When others are deceived Owl folks are not.  If Owl is your personal Medicine no one can truly deceive you.  You are a little frightening to be around because phony people are uncomfortable around you. Owl will bring you messages at night in dreams... Remember the Owl is always asking who?

·         Pride is not just a party but a celebration of remembering the struggle against institutionalized heterosexual normative privilege and the criminalizing and pathologizing of Gay Folks. It's recognizing the long hard road to freedom to love mixed with color, glamour, sassiness, and glitter. As a side note our liberation has liberated heterosexuals too from societies straight jacket too... As go gay men fashion so follow straight men. Maybe we are subversive or maybe it's natural for men to be fashionable peacocks. Before the Alphabet we all were simply Gay. I like to kiss...keeping it simple sillies... Remember Stonewall was a riot...not a celebration of diversity ... That came later after all the heavy lifting was done.... My Gay generation built the stage upon which the LGBTAQI gender queer millennialists dance today often dismissing the lessons of Stonewall and Gay Liberationists.

·         Russell Pack- Absolutely! Stonewall was a riot, and a violent one at that. As much as I love that the LGBT community today is enjoying such progress (with a lot more to be done), I strongly agree with you that our generation's work is forgotten. We're just seen as old.

·         Teinamarrie Scuderi- I agree with both of you. It saddens me that the younger generation is clueless of the rich history of the community. I've always enjoyed hearing about the history of this community. Thank you Ben for always being willing to share your knowledge.

·          Ann Clark I agree. I learn so much from you, so glad you educate us on the history.

·         Terry Gillman I love you Ben. I'm so glad we have you as such asset in our community

·         Kevin Scott Did you charge for Pride Festivals? (oooooh, there I go trolling the UPC again, lol)

 

7 June 2015 Sunday

I was up by 7 a.m. and baked two loaves of Banana Bread before Bill Poore came over at 10 to go with me to Gunnison. So glad I come from a people who taught me when life gives you black bananas make banana bread. Everything in life is an opportunity for sweetness but you have to roll up your sleeves make a mess add heat and passion and voile life is sweet again. It was a beautiful drive down and back up so I am sure Pride Day was fabulous in Salt Lake City. Stopped and got a drink and gas. I paid$2.65 with the 30 cent Smith’s Discount. Very little traffic on the road and made good time or rather it seemed that way with company. I was in to see Kyle about 12:45 and stayed until 2:45. His most excited news is that he was transferred back to Strive, which is a pod living environment rather than  a cell in Birch. Also he has friends there in Strive do he was happy about that. I bought him his treats of Dr. Pepper, Corn Nuts, and a Twix Candy Bar. About $4.00 from the vending machines. We had a good visit. Talked a little about my retirement, about Caitlyn Jenner, and other things but we had a good frank talk about how getting out of prison will be a difficult transition. We talked about love and what it means. We talked about him needing to be in prison to rewire how he was living before.  As always it was too brief. Bill went driving around looking at graveyards and at the small town boys buying beer on Sunday. He likes the bad boys for sure. I was home by 5 pm and cooked up some chicken for the hounds. I gave Bill the enchiladas I made on Friday and the Banana Bread to take home with him.  I was really sleepy driving back home for some reason. I had to fight to keep focused.  Ron Holmstrom asked how all the Alphabet Soup began so I messaged him “The whole alphabet joke began in 1993 with the addition of B for Bisexual ... Which I thought was stupid because Gay and Lesbian was about love and sexual orientation not who you will sleep with... In the late 1990 PFLAG introduced transgender issues and national organization began using GLBT and in the early 2000s lesbians switched the alphabet to LGBT and added Q for "questioning" which was the beginning of the craziness of LGBTQ , I for intersex, A for Allies, and now some want to add Polyamory...for fucking anything that moves...its political correctness gone amok... Especially the trans have coopted most organizations so that gender identity is all that matters and not Sexual orientation ... Gay men especially older ones are seen as having white male privilege and are the enemy. There's a Dyke, Trans, Sexual Fluids, and Polyamories march going on right now with Gay men not invited. $50 for the Grand Marshal Reception! I get free tickets for being a Kristen Reis Award Recipient to all the events but gave mine away. The Gay men running the center now are all beta males with no leadership skills and too afraid to offend the LBTs ... Jennifer Dobner from the tribune called me about Pride and how it is different today. I said it's a celebration of diversity not a remembrance of the civil rights struggle against oppression. I said it’s not about community anymore but pushing an agenda that no longer serves Gay men. The center stole Pride Day in 2002 from the community and started using it as a fundraiser and charging outrageous amounts of money to participate in it... pride day is costing over a million dollars this year and for what? The center only projects making 117,000 dollars from this event and have borrowed 70,000 against that and that is supposed to be the main budget for the center

·         Roland Ron Holmgren-Thanks you so much for your insight. I was just frustrated after reading about the headliners and quite frankly the emphasis on Transsexual people. I am having a hard time with the transsexual people belonging to a gay organization to begin with. The people I've known who were transsexual identified with the sex they changed. In fact, some resented being even included with gay people. I just felt like gay men were excluded. What is ironic, I really thought seriously about attending this year's Pride. But except for the Saliva Sisters, not much I want to see. Specially for $12. Anyhow, I appreciate your words. If I never felt part of the gay community, I feel less now.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I feel still very much a part of the Gay community but not the social constructed LGBT patch work who would like to see the Gay men disappear. I for one would like to see the pride board resign and fill it with Trans and see how quickly it would implode... The feminist Lesbians actually have more of an issue with Transwomen then we ever could...they are adamant that trans are not women and never could experience what women go through with periods and ovaries and mammary glands. And with so many Transwomen chosen to keep their dicks it drives these Lesbians nuts when the Trans insist they are women. There's a movement afoot in the Trans community to call Lesbians who won't sleep with them as being transphobic... Same with Gay men who don't accept trans men as sexual partners. Dane Law formerly of the center complains all the time that he just wants to be treated like a Gay man... This is where they just don't get being Gay. I love dick as most Gay men I know do. If I wanted a vagina I would have remained married to a woman. I love men and their equipment and their testosterone. I really don't have a probably with Trans until they attack Gay men as if we are the source of their oppression because we don't lay down and let them define us as Cisgender and yell at us for not using the correct pronouns... Well girlfriend, Gay men have been switching pronouns back and forth since day one since most Gay men are a conduit for both male and female energy which is why we are the bridge between the sexes, that we process a queer spatiality that straights can't imagine and that Patriarchy fears. Trans people want their bodies to conform to their perceived gender. Gay men don't have to change gender because we have both in various degrees. Some of our energies are more dominate than passive or more receptive to male energy. Blessed be the giver as well as the receiver. Sexual intercourse for me and I imagine most Gay men who are in tune with themselves is a creative act... As the Chinese point out that the orgasm is a transcendent experience that allows one to be outside of one’s mundane awareness. Gay sex allows one to be open and connected to new energies. Women have this spiritual ability to create life and sustain it within their bodies and nurture it from their own fluids. Some people are here to create some here to recreate ...meaning beautify the world in which life exist. Gay men once they find their tribe are the recreators...the artists, the poets, the philosophers, the shamans, and caretakers... I fear for young Gay men who want to assimilate and imitate heterosexuals rather than acknowledging what a gift it is to be a Gay man... We have the ability to love and hold another man and join our body, soul, and mind into one man. I will get off my soap box now... But you are part of my community my tribe and even if only electronically we share a connection and bond because we are Gay and we have both known the joy of Gay love and passion and the wisdom that came from it. I am glad the universe and FB brought you to me. (PS one of my Native American totems that watch over me is the owl

·         Bill Poore Well your totem surely is not a magpie. Ron sounds a great deal like me, not feeling part of the community. You should print in your newspaper article in Q that should really get the community stirred up.  We should really try and start an open war between the trans and gay men in the community to the point the trans will get pissed off and leave the LGBTQ.....I know one of the trans has strongly suggested that P be added to the long list of letters.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Thanks for your words. Maybe I should have written, I don't feel part of organized gay community. And this owl will watch over you.

·         Me My main totem is bear for introspection and dreaming...once this Native American shaman did a dream quest with the Sacred Faeries and a Dancing Bear came to me to be a spirit guide ... According to the Medicine Wheel we have seven totem animals that protect us and gives us strength and wisdom... They are for East west south north above below and within... Mine are Bear, badger, owl, spider, horse, otter, and weasel. My Badger is aggressiveness, Owl deception and magic, the spider is a story teller, the horse brings power  and shamanic practices the Otter is woman Medicine or female energy, and weasel is stealth and hears what is really being said.

·         Ben to Bill How is your back? Did you have any of the banana nut bread? You can always freeze it.

·         Bill Thank you so much for the food....I didn't have any bread yet, will have it later. Watching a boring Tonys.....My back hurts but will be fine. I just don't really like theatre anymore. By the way read what my brother wrote about Fayette. My great grandmother Martha Erickson had just moved to Gunnison after marrying my great grandfather Daniel Perkins when where family in Fayette was stricken with diphtheria, two great uncles and great aunt died from it. They are buried in Fayette cemetery, not the one I went to but one nearer the river west of Fayette. There were several Ericksons and other families named Picketts  in that cemetery that are my relatives...weird, very weird. The Perkins did live in Gunnison, that is why my great uncle Charles W. Perkins is buried there.

·          Me-You need to map out these people the next time you go down and also locate the other cem

·         Bill Just remind me to take the book....I believe the other cemetery would have been left of the highway not the cemetery I was in, even though it had a lot of relatives. I might have been in the right cemetery but what I read in the book makes me think it was near the river.

·          Me to Kyle D-Did you have fun at Pride Day?

·         Kyle D- It is always great to get out and see people of like minds. Hehe. So, shall I see you tomorrow or Tuesday? I leave Wednesday.

·         Me-Monday evening... Tuesday going to the dentist

·         Kyle D-k great  the dentist has not been kind to you this year LOL. How about 8 pm and we get naked

·         Me- Mmmmm nice

·         Kyle D- I am having a tough time concentrating right now.... all i can think about is holding you with me in you

·         Me -Hold that thought I want to be held by you with you inside me

·         Kyle D- did you go see Kyle today?

·         Me-Bill and I went down to Gunnison 2 hours down 2 hours visiting and 2 hours back... Spent Pride Day with the jailbird

·         Kyle D-At least it was with someone you love

·         Me- He's family to me... I love several people

·         Kyle D-I know. I honestly applaud you. You're amazing.

·         Me -Well amazing may be stretching it

·         Kyle D-But you get the point

·         Me-You stretch me a bit

·         Kyle D- I know. And I do it gladly. Hehe

 

8 June 2015 Monday

I just don't have any normal friends hahahaha. The big push to get Courtney Moser recognized as a Kristen Ries Community Service Award recipient this year paid off. So long overdue... don't let the Peacock Feathers fool you...he's influence [and saved] thousands of lives. We can be of service to the world and also wear a stunning frock. Gays just want to have fun! Here he's made the Seattle News ...To my out of state friends this is why I live in Utah... And why I stayed all these years doing my bit to develop a sense of pride and community over these past 30 years... Wasatch Affirmation, Restoration Church, Married and Divorced Gays and Lesbians, 1987 March on Washington, Gay and Lesbian community Council of Utah, cohost of KRCL of Concerning Gays and Lesbians, Unconditional Support for Gays and Lesbians, history columnist for Tryangle, Bridge, and the QSalt Lake, the Delta Institute, Beyond Stonewall, Utah's AIDS memorial Quilt Project, the Utah Stonewall Center committee, the Sacred Faeries, Utah Stonewall Center Archives, the Utah Stonewall Historical Society for Gay and Lesbian Studies, and Gay Freedom Day are all projects I created or helped create. For such efforts I have been a Kristen Ries Award Recipient, QSL Fabby Lifetime Achievement Awardee, SAGE Outstanding Contribution Awardee. I now am just that old guy who pisses off the Gay establishment and hate when I show up, lol . I'd like to think that I have put up enough chairs so that others can dance and like to think I did my duty to my adopted city and to the sweet broken people here that needed healing, nurturing and educating. You serve who you love. PS the sex was hot. It just sank in...I don't have to go to work today! Chicken Pot Pie... why? Because I can... I believe in kitchen magick!!! And the laws of physics and chemistry ... Bwahhhha! When I am not pissing someone off on Facebook I bake... Oh yeah I mowed the lawn, hoed weeds, and made my yard pretty... Can't expect the yard Faeries to do everything

·         Ben to Michael Aaron-I see you deleted the comments on FB LOL were you drunk when you dared comment on the Tran community. Hell has no fury like a Tranny scorned. It’s okay for them to attack Gay men but it’s an outrage if you dare criticize them. I do believe many of these people are homophobic and hormonal. So many good and decent Trans get painted with the same brush as these crazies. Oh well I am just back to being a G and supportive the L's LOL

·         Michael Aaron I saved all your comments because I liked many of the points and will likely do an editorial.

·         Ben- I was hoping you would because I didn't get a chance to copy any myself to put in my journal. You know it seems to me we didn't have all this in fighting when it was just Gays and Lesbians... sure they wanted parity which I thought was a good thing but on the most part I think Gays and Lesbians were friends but it seems that Trans see us as the enemy if we don't jump on the cisgender express and let them drive the agenda train. I hear constantly how evil binary concepts are and then they go right ahead and create a binary system of Cis and trans.... Oh Vey... When the Trans men start accusing me of Transphobia because I won't sleep with them this old boy will have plenty to say. Back in the mid-90s there were a bunch of transwomen who frequented the Tryangle and Mike, and I and others would dance with them so they would have someone to dance with. They were appreciate and fun... where did those trans go? LOL

·         Michael Aaron- It's the kid activists who are the asshole... I mean the activists now

·          Ben -Exactly because they had been indoctrinated with GenderQueer instead of Queer Gender LOL. Dane Law lamented to Bill Poore how unhappy he is because he wants to be fucked by a Gay man. Duh what Gay man is attracted to pussy no matter the package? I refuse to become heterosexual to prove I am not transphobic LOL I think in a nut shell this is a fundamental difference between Gays and Trans. We say God doesn't make mistakes and we are the way we are supposed to be while Trans say uh huh God does make mistakes look at us...LOL Gays and Trans are a bad marriage but I don't see any divorce happening soon. But I do see a lot of Gay men and Lesbian feminists slipping away.

·         Bill Poore-Well I guess my family did not get my joke about Chris my nephew....we have this ongoing joke but the family all attacked my joke.  You are now my liberal friend, and my sister Jeannie hates you for your comments.  NO cabin time for sure, won’t be invited. I got a note that they hate my liberal friends comments....I suggested the all delete me.  I would be so cool with that.

·         Ben -I really don't like your family ha! Why do they attack you rather than a moron in their family that is right winger who poses with a gun...

·         Bill - Chris actually is a really sweet guy, it was totally a joke, he knew it, so did my nephew Justin in Wash get it, both conservatives....they thought it was me being funny, it was the rest of the family that just do not understand my shared humor with Chris....I love him.  like I told him if I posted all he said about my van, nothing would have been said.....like, Rape Van, be sure to clean all the seaman should I come over and write Free Candy on it, and then how many 12 year old girls fit in your van...Chris is well trained with his guns, very safe with them, he loves motorcycles, is a great dad and husband. I am so over with the rest of them, including my brothers PHD comments on what a wonderful kid Chris is.

·         Ben-And you’re the only one who probably gets him... but then no reason to attack you

·         Bill- Well this is what I am talking about with my family, if I was around Chris in a family setting and teasing him, every one of them would jump all over me, except Chris. He has a wonderful, twisted sense of humor, I adore him.  I told him you thought he was sexy. He said his day is made knowing that two old gay men thought he was sexy with his guns.

·         Ben-This my rifle this is my gun one is for shooting the other for fun.

·         Bill-you would like him, he is cute and a charmer.  My sister is like an old mother bear, she attacks anything that attack her children, did you get her message? She said the verdict was still out about you.... I love it now you are on my families shit list as well.  We make a good team. We seem to offend everyone at least once.

·         Ben-Well if I ever say anything in your defense I am an asshole because I am an outsider as your brother Ross once told me LOL

·         Bill well after all those exchanges do you see why I don't want to go to family functions.....my nephew Chris and I are totally cool, as is my nephew Justin (very conservative) he said he called one of my friends an asshole who attack his mom on that post but I missed that.  I deleted the entire mess. cleaned things up with nephews but will let the women stew .

·         Ben- Did you Read what Michael Aaron posted about the Trans Grand Marshal LOL It’s so nice to be right all the time

·         Bill well we are right all the time.

·         Ben-And those who don't agree are just plain wrong LOL

·         Bill-Sounds like the Grand Marshal was a total bitch, go figure.  I wonder what she yelled about?  try and find out. When will they learn, maybe it will be a while before they bring in another tran star.  What was wrong with Dominique [Storni], she is a bitch but has worked very hard for her community.

·         Ben Thats what I posted I posted a long defense of Gay people on Michael Aaron's site but I noticed he took all comments down....LOL

·         Bill I missed it. I am sure he pissed the trans off attacking the GM bitch,

·         Ben It was getting ugly ... I talked about male white privilege didn't apply to Gay men because it didn't stop us from being beat up, murdered, committing suicide as we struggle with discrimination, under employed, identified as women and didn't appreciate being called Cisgender when I'd never call Trans a word that defined them the opposite of me yadda yadda yadda... It was long. I wish I would have saved it.

·         Bill-damn, way to start a war though. None of these gay men have any backbone.

·         Kyle D- Just finished reading the talk. Loved it. Amazing and powerful.

·          Me-Have a safe but adventurous trip....I already miss you

·         Kyle D- Aww and I you sorry I couldn't see you this evening

·         Me-I even douched Hahahaha

·         Kyle D-aww damnit! Hahaha Good night lovely.

 

9 June 2015 Tuesday

Went back to Dr Garcia in Centerville to get the rest of my cavities filled. An hour and 45 minutes for 5 cavities top and bottom right side... So a little sore... Bought herbs that were on sale for $1.50 for my herb garden out front. I planted Sweet Woodruff, Hindu Lemon Grass, Rosemary, Greek Oregano, Rue, Lavender, and some others to add to my thyme and sage. Planted red and green bell peppers, cucumbers, and giant pumpkin which will take over when the summer squash is over...

 

10 June 2015 Wednesday

I filled a huge trash bin with old organic debris, mowed the back yard, cut back branches on the front steps, hand watered [I can't be trusted to use a sprinkler and hose], took a nap, set in the hot tub, Michael my ex came over to wash his camper trailer, and checked if my 400 dollar BBQ was still working. I've had it covered for years and its only been used twice. Like brand new except all spider webby. After cleaning it all up I fixed hamburgers outside for the first time for Mike and I. Now having a fuzzy navel libation and working on genealogy... Retirement would be great if I didn’t have a work ethic LOL

·         Bill Poore- How is retirement going?  Are you resting at all?  How many sex tricks have you had off the internet?

·         Ben -I am saving all my love for Kyle Daniels and he’s in Europe for 10 days...that’s okay my ass needs a rest...I worked hard today in the yard I just feel like doing yard work...I put on my overalls and my straw hat and worked for about 3 hours straight

·         Bill -Can I come over in afternoon to drop off that extra seat from my van.....It would be after 3 PM. I ate all that damn Banana bread, it was so good. You are not helping my weight any making that for me....I got to bring back your dish as well, those were so good.

·         Ben -I will be home...

·         Bill I walk in the water at the VA’s pool until around three, will drive over after that.....I wished I could drink fuzzy navels but just would want to give up almost 30 years with no booze.  Maybe I should start drinking again and see what happens. I would not want to give up my sobriety

·         Ben-I wouldn't want to bail you out of the drunk tank...

·         Bill- well if you can drive to fucking Gunnison to visit Kyle you can fucking visit me

·         Ben -You will be in county lock up... maybe you would like that

·         Bill - I would like to be a jail house bitch.....my mouth would be a whore house.

·         Ben-Prison Sex fantasy

·         Bill- one of my favorites.

 

11 June 2015 Thursday

Woke up about 4 a.m. with a Charley Horse in my right thigh...Oucha ma goucha ... hobble around, ate a banana, put a cold pack on it, nothing worked until I sat in the hot tub for 20 minutes. I had never sat in it at the time of the morning ever. A lone morning bird was singing I guess to greet the dawn. Otherwise still and peaceful. When I got out I saw threads of gray light begin to streak from the east. I am sure I will need a morning nap but right now hesitant to lie back down in case it cramps again. So glad I don't have to go into work. I would be such a basket case like my hounds are right now wondering while the hell are we up. Fried okra, fried potatoes and peppers, and baked beans with polish sausage for dinner or maybe supper later ... I polished the furniture, waxed the floors, hooked up a new printer and general housekeeping... Trash cans are full so can’t do yard work until after Trash pickup tomorrow... Got a lot accomplish this first week of Summer Vacation/retirement. Bill Poore came over to store a captain chair from his van in the shed and had him stay for dinner. This evening the Rain was coming down hard and fast out here in Westpointe... A deluge... Air smells wonderful. Michael Aaron broke this story of  a young Delta, Utah man named Rick Jones who was  robbed, had ‘Die Fag’ carved into his arm, and was forced to drink bleach on a Saturday night in late April. Five days later, the words “Die Fag” were spray-painted on his and his family’s house. And this week, a Molotov cocktail was thrown through his window and his house was spray-painted again, this time with “You’ll Die. Burn Fag.”

·         Bill Poore One of my friends at the VA pool used to be chief of surgery at St Mark Hospital.  He is a very sweet intelligent man. Today I asked him about the doctor that operated on my father's back several times, over ten times.  Growing up we were always in waiting rooms waiting for dad to come out of surgery.  When we were little mom would leave us with friends in East Carbon while she came into SLC to be with Dad in St Marks.  My friend told me that this doctor ruined people’s lives with his surgeries. He is a very kind man and would not tell me this to be mean. He told me the truth.  It just made me really sad that my father went through all these operations just to make this man rich. It really upset me to think of dad in a full body cast for 21 days each time this asshole operated on him. Our family really went through hell thinking he would not make it through the surgery.

 

12 June 2015 Friday

Got my Lambda Lore column done and sent in ... It's about the birth of Gay Liberation from the Stonewall riots... A lot of people don't know that it wasn’t just one night at Stonewall ... Most of the uprising took place on the street. Only took four hours to write and edit. Now I need a nap. 1289 words... I am supposed to just have 800 words... Ain't gonna happen... Proud to be associated with the Q and the work Michael Aaron does for this community. Especially what is coming out of Delta Alan Anderson took me to dinner at R & B BBQ and had a nice time visiting. One of the staff there had a daughter who went to Washington...I didn't have her but knew who she is... I am doggie sitting so besides my three I have Corky and Bonnie all wanting to sleep with me... I need a bigger bed...

·         Bill Poore-Lets go to Ogden Pride Aug 1st?

·         Ben Okay... Good way to celebrate Lammas

·         Bill Are you driving to Delta tomorrow to be a radical queer?

·         Ben -Baby sitting doggies how'd your labs go?

·         Bill- I don't know, they took a lot of blood, appointment Monday morning with doc....Whose dogs? I have a young gay friend in Delta, Mykel.  He is going to be at the there to greet our SLC gang....he was one of my students at the U....He wants me to come and visit him in Delta.  I think I might drive down there and have lunch with him some day and come back, or not I could sleep in my van.  I am buying a pistol from one of my Vet friends...just a 22 but I could kill someone if I shoot them in the head. The guys at the pool today was shocked when I said I was buying a gun....they said but you are so liberal....I told them I still want to protect myself and would shoot any mother fucker that tried to get into my van..

·         Ben-Butch... next you will be quoting Sean Hannity! Well most likely any one you shoot will be a sociopath Republican anyway. I am babysitting Alan and Kyles dogs

 

13 June 2015 Saturday

I had house guests overnight if you can call them that. Well at least Alan Anderson's dog Bonnie was. Sweet, demur, a perfect lady. On the other hand Kyle G. Daniels's dog Corky the Barbarian is only interested in rape, plunder, and pillage. Just because he's a good looker he thinks he can whine and cry until he gets his way...Poor Buddy and Daisy when I try to give them their morning hot dog Corky swoops in faster than a speeding bullet and snatching the prize in midair... He stole 3 hot dogs, 2 jerky treats, and a chicken breast... I kind of feel sorry for him...I don't think they feed him so he's had to turn to piracy for survival...and poor Lucky...Corky treats him like his private butt boy... How can a 15 lb. dog be so diabolical? Napoleon complex I believe... I baby sat today because Kyle is off in Europe for 11 days and Alan Anderson has to be at this Utah Stonewall Democrat meeting and didn’t want the dogs to be alone. About 150 people went down to Delta to show support for this guy and his family who were victims of a hate crime. Michael Aaron broke this news when no one else would report on it for two months about a Delta man who had “die Fag” carved into his arms and forced to drink some bleach. Why should they? It was just fag news. But it took a fag paper like the QSalt Lake to make it national news. This is one of the reasons I have volunteered to write a history column for the Q since 2004. People who hate us claim we are not a folk. But we are and we have the history to prove it. We will not be erased if I can help it. We would have no voice if not for the hard work and dedication of people like Michael who still believes in social activism and justice. Utah is not a hate state believe it or not but as in any place sociopaths will prey upon people who society would discard. Thank God that is changing due to 35 years of activism on the part of people like Michael and dare I say myself? Make a difference in your small corner of the world. When it’s all said and done who you loved, not your money will be your legacy. Franklin Graham, Billy Graham’s son pulled his half a billion dollars out of Wells Fargo Bank because of a Gay ad featuring two Lesbians adopting a deaf child. What was more liberal than the teachings of Jesus Christ? Do unto others as you would have done unto you doesn't seem to be a Christian value any more in American Churches. Or that its easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man enter the kingdom of God. Churches and Evangelicals who have CEO's or are Incorporated are more interested in their own Power and Glory in this world than the next. Every time I have a fuzzy navel I feel my testosterone drop... By the end of summer some of you may be calling me Lola...I made a mincemeat pie this morning to bring to the Giles tomorrow because I know how much Randy loves mincemeat. Done all that a faerie can do with my mincing pie so popped it in the oven and let the laws of physics take over for 35 minutes at 375 degrees. Magick can only do so much...I marinated the apples slices in apricot brandy [all proper fairies should have apricot brandy as a staple] then sprinkled the top with cinnamon sugar... I am being invited to a retirement BBQ by my old neighbors the Giles who lived next to Michael and me for nearly 14 years. Mike and I were the Gay uncles to their daughters... Well I was more like an Auntie than an uncle.

·         Bill Poore here is the boy I am starting to coach on Tuesday....Liam Buie. He just finished a feature film (one of the Church's production companies )

·         Ben-He is lucky to have you

·         Bill- He is so cute, big boy....his family is so fucking talented.  His brother Oskar is the singer working with Charles [Lago] in LA. His older brother an RM is a singer actor....Mom and Grandpa are both artists. They are like the Osmonds on crack. He is already a good actor, I will just make him better. . Keep him off drugs. He smokes a lot of pot  I intend to work on that issue

 

14 June 2015 Sunday

I heard that Courtney Moser was in a rollover accident in Nevada and Kelly had to go out to Elko to get him. I guess he will be okay just banged up and Sore. I spent the afternoon and evening out in Daybreak with my old next door neighbors...more than friends they are family to me...I knew their youngest daughter since she was 6 months old who will be 19 this September. Since moving away don't see them as often but when I do nothing seemed to change how we feel. They wanted to celebrate my retirement. Had too much to drink...two big margaritas so good thing Mike Romero was driving. Randy loves mince meat pies so I only make them for him.  They gave me a $100 gift certificate to spend on Amazon.com

·         Kimberlee Gile Thank you so much for coming.  We all had such a wonderful time catching up with you.  I love how we can always pick up right where we left off as though time is irrelevant to our friendship; we truly are family. I am so excited about your retirement and so happy that you now get more time to spend on the things that you want to do between the end of August and the beginning of June. ;) When you look through Amazon.com to redeem your gift card, you can get free shipping if you choose only the items that have a “üPrime” next to the price.  Once you choose your gift(s), you can either email the URL (link) to Mike or to me so that we can place the order using our Amazon Prime accounts, or Mike can give you his login.  Just let me know if I can help.

·         Ben Williams I posted on my FB that y'all were my chosen family and I believe that...you certainly did not need to get me anything but thank you just the same... I enjoyed today very much and was surprised by how quickly time went...dinner was delicious I even enjoyed the blacken chicken wings...but everything tastes good when you are with people you love... I hope Randy enjoys the pie

·         Kimberlee Thank you so much, Ben.  “Chosen family” is perfect!  I am so glad you also enjoyed the dinner.  Randy felt sooooo bad about it.  He usually makes incredible food, but flames tend to throw off any cook.  ;) Randy and Kayla both went crazy over the pie last night.  Kayla had never tried it before, but she is now a fan.  Randy said it was truly the best minced pie he had ever had. We wanted to give you more for this momentous celebration, but Randy’s car repairs and registration sadly required us to readjust our spirit of good intentions.  Here is the electronic form of the gift card, just in case you need it.  XOXOXOXOXOXOXO!

·         Ben Williams to Kimberlee-The evening was perfect and I am glad Randy liked the pie... As I recall Kayla always liked my rolls and pastries lol

·         Kimberlee So true – she and Elyse always loved your rolls and pastries. J

·         Bill Poore hey do I know the real reason you really came to BYU.  I know it was because the boys were so cute.

·         Ben Nope ... I found that out later lol... Entirely different reason I've never told anyone... Are you surprised I could keep a secret for 44 years?

·         Bill- You have got to tell me.....I promise on my mother grave not to judge you or share it with anyone......by the way this entire Delta thing just does not feel right to me, just a sixth sense.  I for some reason feel he knows who did this, or it sounds like an ex-employee. I have a good friend in Delta who is gay and he said he has never had any trouble what so ever. He said people don't care.  They have raised 7 thousand dollars for this boy and his family. .... This Delta thing also feels like a pissed off ex or someone he gave a BJ to while drunk, or a Mexican who he sexually harassed

·         Ben Whatever is going on in Delta I am happy that it’s pulling a lot of people together to develop a sense of community again... Gay community... None of the Powers that be or Trans wanting anything to do with it... It also helps gays in rural areas to know that there is a larger community that still has a sense of family

·         Bill- My little friend from Delta was here for Pride, he drove all the way up to see my production of Street Theatre.  I think we should day trip there, have a nice pizza, (I heard the place was really good) and invite my Mykel to join us.  He is a strange loner boy...

·         Ben -the people who went down there are not gullible, Michael aaron, Courtney Moser and others... Even your Lt Cox so I tend to believe this boy...even if he gave a blow job to the wrong person

·         Bill Poore-and we could go to the Topaz Japanese Camp they locked up the Japanese during world war II.

·         Ben -We can do that...I've never been to Delta the Japanese tried to kill my father

·         Bill -It is not that far and a good drive....We are talking Japanese Americans Ben, citizens. The Germans tried to kill my father but I don't hate them now.

·         Ben Well maybe I'll go  ...after all we did drop two atomic bombs on their asses. Remember if the Japs would have won the war Utah would be an imperial province of Japan and we'd be speaking Japanese.

·         Bill -Well, they didn’t  win the war.  There is a big difference from the Japanese attacking us than an American President locking up Japanese families that were citizens of this country because they looked different.  We didn't do it to the Germans in this country...We have a history of brutal treatment of Asians, look how we treated Chinese workers brought here, beaten, killed.  What we did to the Japanese Americans is a black mark on our history, many of the young American Japanese joined the military and fought in Europe, with a higher mortality rate than any other group.

·         Ben -all military bases were moved to Kearns and Ft Douglas making Utah the home of the largest military installation west of the Mississippi... Kearns was a military base of 40,000 service personnel. It changed Utah and brought it out of the Depression. The country was worried about espionage and sabotage like the Japs did in Hawaii before Pearl Harbor ...The Japanese killed more Chinese then we ever did and never as a government sponsored event. The Rape of Naking was a horrific atrocity and what they did to American service men in Manila.... They were just as racist... It was the times round eyes..

·         Bill-Bull, they put them in camps because they looked different.  The Japanese families put in camps were good citizens, owned homes, businesses I knew some of the families put in the camps in Carbon County.  They were truly amazing families. I think you forget the number of ships sunk off the coast of U. S. (in harbors and ports by the Germans.)  We had more to worry about them than from citizens of the U. S. that were Japanese. ,

·         Ben -Emperor worship was so fanatical among the Japanese ... Some of these families were first generation with ties to families in Japan...most were decent people granted... WWII was a crazy time but if Japan would not have attacked up none of these people would have been put in relocation camps

 

15 June 2015 Monday

Today is the 800th anniversary of the signing of the Magna Carta...proud day to have English heritage...the English brought these rights to the British American Colonies. The Magna Carta is Birthright of all English people and cornerstone upon which the Bill of Rights was based... The Thunderbirds are making a racket here out in Westpointe...it's dark and the hounds are surrounding me let the storm begin. Boom goes the thunder and Lucky runs out to bark at it and boom he comes running back in and jumps on my lap. On Facebook Great Basin Bad Boys we had quite a lively discussion on the term Cisgender and how the Trans community wants us to identify ourselves. A Gay man who didn't want to be identified as cisgender was forced to resign from a Gay advocacy group he founded in Mississippi. Do you agree or disagree with his objections? I know I am of an irrelevant generation but Don't we get to define who we are anymore? I thought that was what Gay Liberation was about self-determination and choosing what we call ourselves ... Case in point why is Not defining one as a cis perceived as an attack on the Trans community? Why is insisting that we get to label ourselves as we perceive ourselves any different than what the Trans community does. It almost verges on bullying plain and simple when people are attacked for having a different perspective. It was my understanding of the trans movement and Gender Queer theory that they wanted to get beyond "binary" labels... Why then this social construct to create a new binary system? Can't those who are dealing with gender identity just be Trans and others identity as Gay men? No one likes to be identified as the "other" to something else. Every time I've seen the word Cis used its been as a derogatory term like an accusation. When did it become okay to bully within the LGBT perimeter other members of this community. Or is LGBT just a meaningless facade? Each out for their own agenda over the needs and wants of others?

·         Alan Anderson "They" are going to lose the support of the G community if they insist on "us" using their labels. I'm Gay. Get over it. If you have a problem with that, YOU have a problem.

·         Daniel Humphrey Well… Look at it this way, there has, arguably been a history where men aren't just thought of as a gender, but "human beings," with women as some sort of subset of said human beings--believe me, some of the writings about women from before, say, World War I will make your jaw drop. Likewise, white people aren't "white people" but people, with "people of color" being something different from these baseline people. It's often not literal. it's more subconscious. So there is now a move to move beyond norms, norms in which there are "normally gendered people," just "people," and "trans" people. The use of the term "Cis" is part of trying to get around that. I hear the term used neutrally, but then, teaching in a women's and gender studies program, I'm part of discussions the average person might not be. I think you're quite right, though, to worry about binarism’s emerging in this area, as well as the return to essentialism that comes with recent trans discourse, and that is something that has to be looked at very carefully.

·         Ben Edgar Williams What I have an issue with is turning the entire LGBT movement into theories of gender and not sexual orientation... 3/4 of LGBT are concerned about the right to love who we will not trying to discover whether we are a male or a female... Isn't how we perceive gender a social construct. Not all sissy boys perceive  themselves as female but made to feel effeminate because of society's expectations of what roles people play and what constitutes being a man or being a woman... A girl who is a Tom Boy is never quite disparage as a boy who take on traditional female roles... All my life I've seen gay guys switch pronouns back and forth between male or female and we never are confused by it... So you want to look pretty and put on a dress... we call them drag queens and it honors the female energy or receptive energy many Gay men have. Gay men are a folk and a tribe in my opinion. I see posters that some men have vaginas get over it... Well I am not wired to get over it... if I wanted a vagina I would have stayed married to Fran lol What I have an issue with is turning the entire LGBT movement into theories of gender and not sexual orientation... 3/4 of LGBT are concerned about the right to love who we will not trying to discover whether we are a male or a female... PS I've yet to see anyone post a picture of a transman on this site but I’ve seen quite a few dicks and if that makes me a dick so what?

·         Bill Poore Amen brother Williams. I am a gay man.....no longer part of this new LGBTssss gender society.

·          Michael Sanders Here ya go Ben. wink emoticon

·         James Connelley I'm so confused. What the hell is CIS?

·         Peter Crane I'm with James Connelley and what does it have to do with the cost of Tea in China?

·         Ben Edgar Williams Cisgender is a new social construct that many in the transgender communities insist people use to define themselves if they relate to the gender one is born with...if you are born with a dick, happy to have a dick and consider yourself a male (not to be confused with being straight) then you are cisgender according to a new trans movement. I object because I don't define myself as being different from Trans people and I refuse because I won't allow others to define me and tell me what I am... It's often used disparagingly to attack Gay men as having white male privilege... It's kind of a new thing like lesbians who don't want to sleep with a woman who has a penis as being transphobic... Yep that's a new word too... It's mostly being foistered by young radical Trans who were raised with Queer Gender theories rather than sexual orientation issues... Most Trans are kind hearted people but many of the radicals see Gay men as the enemy for being Cis males

·         Roland Ron Holmgren I can remember when we were gay and lesbians. Then they added bisexual. This I could never understand. What does being bisexual have to do with being gay or lesbian. I always thought that you could say you were bisexual because it was more acceptable than being gay. Then they added T and now Q. What I don't understand why is why everyone is lumped together. Why does a transgender person want to be part of a gay or lesbian group when they have chosen to be heterosexual. And what is Q? Questioning? What next LL (lamb lovers)?.

·         Peter Crane I'm still a bit confused on the whole gender thing, bear with me I'm learning and it’s a slow process for me. so If I have this "Straight" because I live in Utah on the west side of the Rocky Mountains, I am CIS-Pacific? So CIS-Gender male means I conform to societies expectation of what a male is, likes football, attracted opposite sex for procreation, ETC? I think I know how Pluto feels now, confused at where my place is in the Universe.

·         Ben Edgar Williams It has nothing to do with gender conforming but rather if you identify with the gender you were born with. If you have a man body and you look at your dick and go hey that's way cool you are Cis gender ...if you have a male body and you look down at your penis and scream in horror you are transgender .... That is it in a nut shell ...if you are a boy and happy with being a boy you’re a Cis ... If your body says you are a boy but you want to be a girl you are Trans. Ron hold on it's no longer bisexuality it's sexual fluidity lol true

·         Greg Allen Great explanations, Ben! This is all new to me too.

·         Daniel Humphrey I really don't get all the resistance to the "cisgender thing." The (implied) alternative to using that term is to call non-trans people "normal," and I just don't think that's in the spirit of queer liberation, you know, to divide people into normal and… well, we know what the opposite of that is supposed to be. Peace, brothers!

·         Ben Edgar Williams I resist being called normal too like I ever have been...the resistance I think is how Cis is thrown at Gay men like a pejorative term. May be other communities are not like that ... But I've seen it used to attack the opinions of non. trans whom they want to shut down...But even still the first rule of liberation is that an oppress people get to choose what they are called rather than outside labels being placed on them...where is the empowerment at that? I am all for people with gender issues calling themselves anything that makes them feel powerful. But I have the right to refuse arbitrary categories that some gender study class has come up with to identify people they perceive different from them. If I arbitrarily started calling Trans people Tranny would they be okay with that? No they would not because they get to choose how they self-identify. Cisgender is not how I choose to self-identify myself... If they want to call me Cis I might not like it but wouldn't have a fit about it until they insist that I use that artificially constructed term. It's just another divisive term to separate people into "them" vs "us"... I was looking at a blog the other day to figure out my view on this when I came across several that used the term to like describe an enemy ... Cis privilege .... I hate Cis... Cis terrorists... I thought oh wow... When did Gay people become the enemy?

·         Peter Crane If you don't identify with either gender what are you?

·         Daniel Humphrey It sounds like you just don't like the tone in which people you know use the word, Ben. And I hear that. There are a lot of self-righteous activists out there, and not just trans ones. They tend to be the younger activists, as you've noted. They're just being young and full of themselves. A lot of gay activists from our generation were the same way. It can drive you up the wall. When I went to graduate school, a bit later than most people, there were some feminist activists about five years younger than me who acted like I was the devil himself because I was a white man who didn't completely sign on to everything they believed. I'm glad I realized they didn't speak for all feminists, even all feminists of their generation. They were just the loud ones.

·         Michael Sanders I've found the term Cisgender useful when I'm inviting men to an event or classes. I always welcome Transgender men and Cisgender men. It's an easy way for me to show inclusion

·         Greg Allen Is it possible that this is just a way for the trans community to establish who is on their "team" much like we do by labeling men as gay or straight? We're not telling straight men to self-identify as straight, right?

·         Ben Edgar Williams Dan you are so calm and reasonable ... Why I value your opinion ... I just have to spout off at times ...but it's not that I am anti anything I am just 100 percent pro-Gay men...( we can criticize but don't let anyone else lol) PS I still not using Cis smile emoticon

·         Ben Edgar Williams Straights was a term the hets adopted themselves to show that we were not... For years I refused to use the term because it implied I was crooked... And just said Gay and non-Gay kind of like Mormon and non-Mormon lol smile emoticon

·         Ben Edgar Williams Peter if you don't identify with either you’re a Faerie like me smile emoticon I love my male body but I don't identify with being a male nor female... Little of both ..I am like Mounds and Almond Joy...Sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don't

·         Charles Lynn Frost Non-binary Peter Crane I agree with the initial post. I do. Most of what Ben says is fact and truth. Gay, White, Privileged, Males are the targeted enemy, by the majority of young GenderQueer people. That is not going to change, and Ben's reason is exactly why. Different generation, out of the closet earlier, the internet and technology addicted, more freedoms of expression (including SEXUAL ORIENTATION and GENDER IDENTITY.) I also agree that we cannot allow Gay men or even Lesbians for that matter to be their enemy. The Queer community has always loved its drama, and its silos, and its separation and secrecy. The world is changing. Sure it makes we older Gay men angry when a younger generation of LGB or T does not value or appreciate its history, the movement that came before them, paving the way for their currently realized and amazing freedoms. TIME is on our side however, and there will be a heavy price to be paid for not recognizing, valuing, or even worse re-writing the history of the movement. NOT ALL younger Queers feel this way, many DO value what came before them. Many are also too fascinated with the 3 D's--drugs, drink, and dick. If we as older gay men tell ourselves the truth, we were too, just in a much more closeted, self and other shaming, and scared/full of fear way. That was our time, THIS is a new time, also still ours, but also belonging to a younger and defiant generation. I also feel that many have been tutored and manipulated by many to think and feel the way they do. Many encourage young adolescent boys and girls to decide they are Trans* when they are still developmentally in a process that is too vastly complex to be making such a long-lasting and life-altering decision. Sexual Orientation and Gender Identify are two very DIFFERENT ISSUES and are not comparable. One has to do with sexual attraction and the other with what gender (if you choose to accept a gender) you feel you are at your deepest soul. All of us can choose to learn, be fluent in the new language, so we can argue, disagree, defend, when attacked, we can also learn to be fully aware of the world we live in as aging Gay men, so as to be respected, knowledgeable, and up-to-speed in conversations we have with those who are willing to respectfully have a dialogue. I am a Gay Man. I use the word Gay typically instead of LGBTQIA (such nonsense, the Gay and Straight world majority thinks so too.) So does most of the world. I also have re-embraced the word Queer, and use it frequently, especially around straight people, so I can educate them. That word scares most straight people, because they are not aware that we have reclaimed the word, for some 35 years now. Queer studies, art, literature, theory, history, etc. etc. The whole Cis and Trans argument is divisive and harmful. It will backfire on those who use it to cause war amongst Queer people, ANY of those people! Trans* is fine, official, and we all know that with it comes a huge umbrella for many types of people. Again--the world is changing and allowing different kinds of people to be very verbal and very visual. We cannot change that, we can fight it, and scorn it, or we can respect WHO we are, and do the same of others who are respectful of us and all our folk. My 2 cents worth. CLF. Here is an article i posted on this site a few weeks ago. If you choose to read it, so be it. I think it very simply explains the word Cisgender and why it is now becoming so prominent. Another thought/suggestion I have as to why we Gay men do not like the word (subconsciously) because it starts with Cis, and many of us despise the word Sissy. Many of us endured that word growing up, and it was ugly, just like faggot was, just like queer was. Interesting how we as adult Gay men, when amongst one another--some choose to use these very words in our inner-conversations. I also think that is fine, Just like Black men, when amongst other black men-- say Nigga or MoFo, much easier than we ever could or should. This Is What 'Cisgender' Means. This adjective had its biggest year yet in 2014 Charles Lynn Frost Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Definitions Read HRC's helpful list of terminology and definitions...Charles Lynn Frost Thanks for enduring all that. I am sure it will get either conversation (hopefully respectful) going, or the silent treatment. Either way--it IS up to us to educate ourselves. And here's your reward for having possibly read my babble.

·         Ben Edgar Williams I guess another issue I have is who or what committee sat around and decided to invent a new word especially one that is so specific... This word is certainly not organic. It did not spring into the language naturally. I feel like it was an academic group or political that decided to manipulate the language ... Historically you can trace the origins of terms adopted by the medical establish to classify people who fall in love with their own sex... in the Gay Rights movement words to define ourselves either through the GAA or other international bodies in the 1970's Were created by Us.. Gay Power adopted terms to identify us and not terms to identify those who were not us...nor did we insist that they be used. What term is out there to identify everyone who is not a Lesbian? I have never had a lesbian try to define me as someone who is not... I would just like to know who were the folks who created this word? It sure reminds me a lot of 1984's "newspeak" And I ain't buying it .... Words are too important just to adopt them without any real discussion... words create our identities... Language is important... In the Beginning was the Word...consciousness... I am a Gay man, emotionally, physically, and spiritually... I am not a cisgender androphilic humanoid smile emoticon This is what I fight for as a Gay Man, have struggled for, and is my only fight ... that young men and women find a world in which they can love who they choose without being disparaged, criminalized, institutionalized, stigmatized, or assaulted... Gender identity is not even on my radar...

·         Charles Lynn Frost cis-Word Origin 1. a prefix occurring in loanwords from Latin meaning “on the near side of; on this side of” ( cisalpine); on this model, used in the formation of compound words ( cisatlantic). 2.Chemistry. a specialization of this denoting a geometric isomer having a pair of identical atoms or groups attached on the same side of two atoms linked by a double bond. Compare trans- (def 2). 3. a prefix meaning “on the same side of,” referring to the alignment of one’s gender identity with one’s biological sex assigned at birth ( cisgender; cissexual). Ben--I certainly would never call you cissexual OR sexually fluid. I would however defer to calling you an ARGUMENTATIVE, SHIT-STIRRING, BIG GAY HUNTER HOMO SUPER/UBER/POWER BOTTOM.

·         Ben Edgar Williams Well that is all well and good but the cisgender meaning was only added to Oxford in 2013 so who or what organization first coined the word? Trans Planet didn't include that information... Oh well...don't matter...the word will find a niche or disappear...I doubt anyone outside a gender studies class and PC LGBTists will use it besides may be hipsters who want to show how in tune they are with gender political correctness... May be I could call myself a Cisgay? smile emoticon Ive always been kind of a cissy boy anyway...

·         Charles Lynn Frost From the Atlantic  "However, the politics of "cisgender" have already proven divisive. Perhaps the most surprising protests are coming from the—from people, that is, who might otherwise be counted on to support the transgender movement. There are feminists who balk at the idea that cisgender women are privileged in relation to transgender women, who were born male. Among other potential benefits, such as "passing" as men in a patriarchal culture, transgender women don't have to worry about reproductive rights. The Huffington Post recently collected a grab-bag of very mixed reactions to "cisgender" from the gay community. It's clear that some gay men and lesbians see "cisgender" as a slur, a way of labeling them as elitists or conformists after all (i.e., as not "queer" enough). Some think "cisgender" validates the notion that there are two (and only two) genders, correlating with two (and only two) sexes, just as many are exploring non-binary gender identities, such as "genderqueer." Will the Word "Cisgender" Ever Go Mainstream? Will 'Cisgender' Survive? The linguistic complement to "transgender" has achieved some popularity but faces social and political obstacles to dictionary coronation.PAULA BLANK  SEP 24, 2014 The new Amazon Original Series, Transparent, about a middle-aged father who's transitioning into a woman, is just the latest cultural sign that the word "transgender" has gone mainstream. No doubt there have been transgender people—that is, those with a gender identity or gender expression that doesn't conform to their assigned birth sex—since there have been people at all, but the term itself wasn't coined until the 1970s. Popular confusion about its usage notwithstanding (for example, questions about the difference between "transgender" and "transsexual"), "transgender" is here, it's queer, and a lot of people have gotten used to it. The situation is more complicated for "cisgender," coined in the 1990s to mean the opposite of "transgender." The "trans" in "transgender" comes from a Latin word meaning "on the other side of," and the "cis" in "cisgender" comes from a Latin word meaning "on this side of." "Cisgender" refers to people who feel there is a match between their assigned sex and the gender they feel themselves to be. You are cisgender if your birth certificate says you're male and you identify yourself as a man or if your birth certificate says you're female and you identify as a woman. Presumably you are also cisgender if you were born intersex (that is, with some combination of male and female reproductive parts) and identify as an intersex or androgynous person. Words Without Words: A Visual Dictionary For a while, "cisgender" only appeared in academic journals. But now it's all over the Internet, and not just on blogs and sites of, by, and for transgender people. It's made it into online reference works like the Oxford Dictionaries. And since "cisgender" is one of the 56 options for gender identification on Facebook (along with "cis female," "cis male," "cis woman, "cis man," "cisgender woman," "cisgender man," and just plain "cis"), it has already achieved a kind of pop officialdom. Even more auspiciously, Stephen Colbert referred to "cis language" in a recent episode of The Colbert Report. On June 17, in a segment of the show called "The Word," the comedian announced that his racial identity is "ciswhite" because, as he put it, "I've always been comfortable with my birth-race." Colbert's announcement should be a big deal as far as disseminating "cis" goes. His 2005 coinage, "truthiness," became so popular that the American Dialect Society named it "The Word of the Year"—the term that best represented the times. In 2006 it was still going strong, as the Merriam-Webster Dictionary named it its "Word of the Year," too. Still, "truthiness" never made into standard dictionaries of contemporary English. Neither have any of the "cis" words—at least not yet. Will "cisgender" go all the way into the English language, become mainstream, right alongside "transgender"? Despite Facebook, even despite Colbert, "cisgender" may not last, let alone become a household word. And it's not because it started life as academic jargon. After all, "transsexual," the basis for "transgender," was first introduced in the American Journal of Psychotherapy. "Heterosexual" and "homosexual" were invented by neurologists in the late 19th century, to name what they considered to be opposing perversions ("heterosexuals" were deviants who enjoyed relations with the opposite sex for pleasure and not just for procreation). Since "transgender," "heterosexual," and "homosexual" have stuck despite their provenance, "cisgender" just might, too. That said, "cisgender" sounds more improbable as a word than "transgender" ever did. While the prefix "trans" is familiar from hundreds of English words ("translate," "transport," "transcend"), "cis" occurs in only a handful, the least obscure of which is probably "cisalpine" ("on this side of the Alps"). Compared to "transgender," the meaning of "cisgender" isn't very transparent (so to speak). Research by Harvard linguist Steven Pinker has shown that neologisms with staying power can often be identified by their initial "unobtrusiveness" (see his 2007 bestseller, The Stuff of Thought: Language as a Window into Human Nature). Lexicographer Kerry Maxwell has since used a simpler (and more recent) word, "user-friendliness" to predict longevity. She says it helps if new words are easy to pronounce, easy to read, and easy to spell. "Cisgender"? Not so much. Of course, there's more at stake in the viability of "cisgender" than mere words. "Cisgender" suggests a commonality among transgender and non-transgender people, at a time when transgender people are struggling for recognition. It tells us that we all experience some kind of relationship between our bodies and ourselves, whatever that relationship may be. And it reminds us that those who experience a "match" between their body and their selves have it a lot easier in our society than those who do not. To the extent that "cisgender" helps raise awareness of intolerance and injustice towards transgender people, it serves a crucial political purpose right now. Potentially, "cisgender" could help build consensus on transgender rights. There's more at stake in the viability of "cisgender" than mere words. However, the politics of "cisgender" have already proven divisive. Perhaps the most surprising protests are coming from the left—from people, that is, who might otherwise be counted on to support the transgender movement. There are feminists who balk at the idea that cisgender women are privileged in relation to transgender women, who were born male. Among other potential benefits, such as "passing" as men in a patriarchal culture, transgender women don't have to worry about reproductive rights. The Huffington Post recently collected a grab-bag of very mixed reactions to "cisgender" from the gay community. It's clear that some gay men and lesbians see "cisgender" as a slur, a way of labeling them as elitists or conformists after all (i.e., as not "queer" enough). Some think "cisgender" validates the notion that there are two (and only two) genders, correlating with two (and only two) sexes, just as many are exploring non-binary gender identities, such as "genderqueer." All of which brings us back to the problem of the word "cisgender" itself. Linguists agree that the survival of a neologism relies, above all, on whether it names a stable and coherent concept, an idea that will last. It's the uncertainty of the concept behind the word "cisgender," for now, that really hints at trouble.   As the social and medical sciences tell us more and more about ourselves and one another, we may eventually settle on the right words, the true words or, at least, the ones that reflect the data. "Cisgender" may or may not end up being one of them. But maybe, in the long run, it doesn't matter. Maybe the impact of Facebook's 56 genders will one day prove to have had nothing to do with naming all the possibilities for gender identity, but rather with helping to make the idea of possibility, itself, official. Our vocabulary of gender and sex is in flux right now because our ideas about gender and sex are in flux, too. So will "cisgender" be an upcoming "Word of the Year," the linguistic sign of our times? Or will we just forget about it? Quite possibly, both.

·         Daniel Humphrey Have a Snickers bar, for Christ's sake, Ben. Words are added to the language all the time. It's fun. "Deconstruction" was a word, basically invented by academics (Jacques Derrida) and used, at first only by graduate students in critical theory classes and now look, everyone uses it. Nobody--nobody you should pay attention to--is going to expect to call yourself cisgender in everyday conversation, anyway. How many times per week do you have to go around and say "I'm white" or whatever? You really must know some annoying people for them to have gotten you so… well, annoyed. The trans people I know--and I have a trans friend a couple offices down the hall from me who I go to lunch with once in a while--aren't getting in my face saying, "don't forget to tell people you're cisgender!"

·         Curtis Jensen I certainly understand his frustration. I've certainly noticed that the word Cisgender is most often used as a pejorative by trans activists trying to attack someone (usually someone who is really an ally) for some minor breech in language rules that everyone is just supposed to know by osmosis or something. I'm guessing that was what he was reacting to. There is a level of PC going on that I personally feel is detrimental to all progressive and liberal movements. It has created a generation of activists who seem more focused on enforcing an orthodoxy of language and subject matter within progressive communities and on casting people inside the communities as enemies than on actually working on fighting the real enemies who are still waging real wars on equality.

·         Bill Poore Well said sir

·         Ben Edgar Williams Most Trans I know and I admit I don't know that many are kind good hearted people but it's seems there's a vocal group I am calling Trans-bullies who like to attack anyone that does not get with their program... This attacking people and in SLC it's usually Gay men is doing their community no good. Last year someone on their own page was saying nice things about me and a trans jumped in who didn’t even know me went off on a tirade how I wasn't a real LGBT historian because I don't write their revisionist version of history... I didn't engage but more recently Michael Aaron was attacked for the audacity of posting that the Trans Grand Marshal was late to the parade while she was taking selfies in her hotel lol...he finally had to delete his posting... It's generally the young activists that were raised with queer gender theory that reframed the whole Gay movement to be about gender rather than sexuality... It will be interesting to see how this goes....

 

16 June 2015Tuesday

I side with Bernie Sanders 93%, Hilary Clinton 76 %, Jeb Bush and Rand Paul both 37 %, and Ben Carson 5%. Only 40 % of SLC match me and only 38%of Utah. Matt A Conway and I match at 98 % and Mark Lawrence and I match at only 37%... I always been the most radical of my friends lol... But I have never had to regret voting for a Republican or being on the wrong side of a social issue... Warmer day today around 90 degrees. I spent most of the day working on the history of my ancestor John Williams the Younger of Bertie County, North Carolina. By most I mean probably a good eight hours so didn't get much else done but that's okay. Only yard work was watering the vegetable garden but that's okay too. After taking Coco home and feeding the dogs their chicken giblets for their supper I decided to deliver Banana Nut bread to Ron Holmstrom and Rich Butler out in Kearns and West Valley. I don't know how long it's been since I have been out that way. Ron is a FB friend that I've never met in person but we converse and share all the time in cyberspace. He's ten years older than me. He wasn't home so just left the bread on his doorstep and text him a note. He lives in Kearns about 4800 West and 4700 South. From there I then drove over to Rich’s place near 4400 West and 4100 South and he and Brenda were home so we visited a little after delivering the bread. Brenda had just gotten out of the hospital for gallstone surgery and they are leaving Thursday for a vacation in Hawaii so didn't stay long.  Rich had always been a good friend to me. It was a beautiful evening to be out. Felt like summer.

·         Bill Poore-So labs are good, she is happy with all but weight no sugar blood sugar 6.2

·         Ben -Your blood levels are great.  How's your blood pressure

·         Bill Poore -blood pressure was just a little high but of no concern for someone with diabetes. She actually was happy with me, except the weight, she wants me to count calories, no sugar....2000 cal a day. She wants me to lose weight before she sees me in Sept.

·         Ben No more banana bread for you ... Sugar free green jello with celery and carrots

·         Bill- When did we ever listen to the fucking doctors. I sort of would like the carrot cake with that cream cheese icing.

·         Ben-Over eaters anonymous Gay man's chapter

·         Bill -is there one, but I am not an over eaters.....my triglycerides were very high that is why she wants to count calories....fat and sugar are bad for triglycerides.  Mine has gone up from 450 to 700 since last appointment. The good and bad cholesterol is really good shape, just triglycerides. I am taking a statin for cholesterol which has mine at a good level.. So are you enjoying retirement anymore, any reality hit you yet?  Let’s go for a ride somewhere, just to get out of the valley....Thurs I have a dinner but am free after that.

·         Roland Holmgren So I came home from visiting the neighbors (learning the latest gossip) and found a beautiful loaf of banana bread in the door way. I suspected Edgar Ben Williams delivered it. I shall enjoy it. Just sorry, I wasn't home at the time. Just found out it was Ben. What nice surprise.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Well you said you needed some banana bread lol... It was a nice evening to be out anyway

·         Roland Ron Holmgren What is really nice about this, I have never met Ben. We are Facebook friends. Don't tell me that Facebook friends are not real friends.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I value your insight and your experiences

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Thank you, Ben, as I do yours.

 

17 June 2015 Wednesday

Chuck Whyte woke me up at 3 am when my phone rang but hung up before I could answer the phone. Probably dialed on accident but I've been up for an hour and a half posting on Great Basin Bad Boys about this Cisgender rigamarole that the Trans want non Trans people to use to define us. I am still figuring out what retirement is all about. What it does mean is I can wake up at 3 am and not stress out over not getting enough sleep to go into work.  My sleep schedule is way off … Staying up to midnight but still getting up before Coco comes at 7 am. I will figure it out. I wrote on FB to Blame Roland Ron Holmgren if you don't hear from me or see me for a few days... He recommended watching Orange is the New Black and I have 3 seasons to catch up on...additionally I have two Janet Evanovich books 20 and 21 of the Stephanie Plum series I checked out from the library ( yes I am such a girl) and I am editing the 69 pages I wrote on my ancestor John Williams the Younger (1672-1757) of Bertie County, North Carolina. After 4 months of research finally ready to move on to Grandpa Theophilus Williams (1694-1760)... What is out there on the Internet is crap about these men...how can you be a genealogist without being a historian first?

 

18 June 2015 Thursday

This morning I Cleaned all the leaves and trash that gathers and clutters beneath the deck that surrounds the hot tub. What a mess. dead leaves, trash, doggie toys, spider webs and did I mention I had to get around on my knees and crawl for much of it. I should use my bedazzled ruby red knee pads for something I actually do these days. But it’s nice and cleaned, raked, swept, leaf blown, and hosed down. Nice and clean for this year. Alan Anderson posted this morning that he went to the hospital in the middle of the night and that he’s at Intermountain Health Care hospital in Murray. My first thoughts were what is happening with the dogs. Kyle is in Europe so the dogs are all alone. I decided to just gather them up and bring them home for a few days so they aren't lonesome. So I went to IMC to see Alan and Jandy who was there visiting also. I told him I’d take the dogs home so he gave Jandy and I the garage code and we went over to the house and gathered them up and put them in my cruiser. Well we made it all home safely even though Corky kept trying to hijack the cruiser...push the transmission into neutral and on 72nd turned the ignition off but all is well and Bonnie is full of kisses happy to be rescued. Her tail is slapping me in the face while on my lap. Corky says what's on the menu tonight as he hunts for snacks... On the menu tonight Chopped beef with a side of chicken giblets and hearts, a serving of Rachel Rays kibbles and dash of grated cheddar... They had good manners ate from their own bowls...as always Daisy was very helpful washing the bowls clean. Now Corky wants to finish off his meal by having a go at Lucky but Lucky is in my lap and that a safety zone.

·         Bill Poore-Ran into Dayne at the VA pool, he was getting kayak for river trip, very cold when I said hi.  It was clear my dislike of being called cisgender has reached him. I will not retreat on this unlike the pussy other men in the community that are afraid of trans.

·         Ben-Who's afraid of the big bad Tran the big bad tran the big bad tran

·         Kyle Daniel-Let me know when I can call you.

·         Me-I am so horny for you... I hope you are having a great experience in Europe... I have the hounds fed them and now they are chilling...I want to pick you up Sunday because I need to kiss you

·         Kyle D-I need to kiss you too! That sounds like a good plan to me. Thank you so much for what you have done for Alan and I

·         Becky Moss Our friend Alan Anderson is ill and has been admitted to the hospital. Alan's husband is out of town. So dear sweet "Auntie Ben" bundled up Alan & Kyle's "kids" and is now spoiling those innocent puppies!

·         Bill Poore This is Bens calling in life Becky. They need to write songs about Auntie Ben, or a statue surrounded by dogs and hungry boys. Now let’s get Alan better and out of hospital.

·         Michael Struiksma Hey Ben - this is Kyle and Alan's friend Mike - I fed, watered and pottied the dogs this morning.  Give me a call if you want me to meet you over there.  801.875.7894

·         Benedgar Thanks but Jandy was visiting Alan went I went to see him and she took me to his place and have taken back to my place....they are used to my dogs and I have a fenced yard and a doggy door... My number is 801 505 3459. If you have questions thanks

·         Michael Great. Alan texted me. I live in Draper so this is simpler. Hopefully Alan beats Kyle home. I feel like I  know you a little because I  frequently see your Facebook posts that mention Alan or Kyle. Thanks for taking care of Bhani and corky. They are both very loving and sweet.

 

19 June 2015 Friday

Well we made it through the night. Everyone was well behaved except for Corky. He’s as bad as having a young lover. Whiny, licking my face all night, waking me up every two hours for some attention because its ALL about him. I am an old girl, Corky, and need my beautiful sleep. Just because he is young and handsome he thinks he can get away with it. Corky is a rakish rogue. A true bad boy. But then I've always been attracted to the bad boys of my own species. Bonnie is such a lady. You can tell which one belongs to Alan Anderson and which one is Kyle G. Daniels . I am so glad I taught my dogs manners. I am such a Schnauzer person. Fat lazy and Gray. It’s been a Good day...I went over and picked Chuck Whyte up about 12:30 to take him down to see Alan Anderson at IHC and we visited a little with Sheryl Ginsberg and her husband who also dropped by. There were people there when we came, people came while we were there, and someone came as we were leaving. We left about 2:15 and I took Chuck Whyte out for lunch at Golden Corral as a break from Chuck A Rama. It’s not as good as I remember but in some ways much better than Chuck A Rama ... fed the hounds when I got home.  Everyone seems to be eating their chicken parts and parts are parts. We said a quick prayer of gratitude to our feathered fowl friends who so nobly gave up their gizzards and hearts then chowed down. Deep down in their primordial DNA Corky, Bonnie, Daisy, Buddy, and Lucky are still wolves hunting in packs and howling at the moon goddess. In the evening I watched The Giver I had rented from Netflix. I wanted to watch it because I read the book to my kids almost every year but they dramatically ruined it. Made it into a teen love story changing the age of Jonas from 12 to 17 so he could have a romance. Stuck in an entire plot line around Meryl Streep that was never in the book. Very disappointing. The book is a very important book for young teens and preteens in a Dystopian future where the readers have to choose to live in a Utopian Society where there are no wrong decisions or in a world where choices can cause pain.

·         Me to Bill Poore -My lesbian niece posted this on her FB LOL I am not brave enough to put it on mine... Utah's Trannies have no sense of humor. It was a a picture of Kaityn Jenner’s dog with the caption “I smell balls.”

·         Bill-Last night at dinner with my old friend Barb, I did a routine on the Trans that was classic.  She could not stop laughing at me....we have a mutual friends whose son is now a tran.  It has been a rough transition because he drinks too much and now lives in Montana with his wife. Barb said I completely changed her view of the trans movement. I believe everything we put out there is being sent to the trans anyway.  I think you should post it Bad Boys.

·         Ben-Want me kicked off again... Too many of Charles Frost "friends" that I don't know nor trust...Its Sure to get back to Dickless Dane the Destroyer

·         Bill-I could tell when I saw Dayne, he must of heard something...He was so cold to me. I mean I posted on FB I was no longer a member of LGBTQ, even Charles did not comment. I think my days of being invited to go to things are way over.  I honestly don't give a fuck what anyone says or thinks. I am a member of the Gay Community. I support Equality Utah but have no support in me for the Pride Center, those days are long past.  What are you doing tomorrow. I thought I would drive by to see the pups.....Alan sounded like he had to many visitors, it is not good for them to have to many people. They need to rest.  I noticed he kind of implied that people should hold off tomorrow. He is probably really tired.

·         Alan Anderson My apologies for Corky from Kyle G. Daniels. But I cannot thank you enough for taking my kids. My first cry this morning was that I didn't get to say goodbye to them when the EMTs took me to the hospital. I'm so sorry they are a pain, but so, so grateful to you. You are a saint. Saint Agnes???

·         Edgar Ben Williams I could not separate Corky from his love toy Lucky. Corky is a good boy when he's a sleep as he is now beneath my typing desk laying across my feet. It’s my Christian duty to take care of the bad boys like Corky. I have earned my place in heaven for sure. I have a heart full of Christian Charity towards Corky even if his stomach is full of stolen hot dogs.

·          

20 June 2015 Saturday

Never a dull moment. Went out to water the front yard before it gets to hot today. When I went to come back in the front door I came out and it was locked. I blame Corky. I don't have a garage key pad anymore [will order it Monday] and I keep all my gate locked so I had to grab a trash barrel and climb over the fence with five dogs barking at me. I think they were laughing at me. I guess I need to hide a key but with my scatterbrains I am sure I will forget where I put it. I am getting waaaaay too old for this. Corky must finally be adjusting to being away from home. Slept pretty good no whining Yay.. slept on my legs or chest most of the night while Lucky curled up on the other side and Bonnie was down by the foot of the bed. Everyone decided I needed to be up at 6 am this morning...worse than kids getting up to watch Saturday Morning cartoons. Now Lucky and Corky are tussling with each other barking and Buddy doesn't like it one bit and is tattling on them. I told them no rough housing or go outside so they are laying on the lazy boy butt to butt. Everyone one wanted blueberry pancakes for breakfast. So that is what we are having although I am having bacon with mine. Corky wanted hot dogs. It's a good thing they don't drink coffee, Corky is hyper enough. Can you imagine him on caffeine? I think they are enjoying their "Bed and Breakfast" adventure at the House of the Barking Dogs with Auntie Benita. Proud of myself for plotting out the land description of a 1685 head right patent for my emigrant Welsh ancestor John Williams for him and his son in law for transporting 24 people to Virginia. At 50 acres a head they received 1200 acres [almost 2 square miles] and while the description of the plat still exists it gave no geographical feature from which this property could be located. My 5 years as a title searcher paid off reading the metes and bounds and changing poles into feet by which I tracked down . No one who has ever tried to research him, has ever located this land. I have... hahaha... More importantly 24 poor people were able to come to America because of him. Some people do crossword puzzles I do crossword ancestors LOL. Some people travel when they retire. I time travel... Off I go for a few hours today into 1740 Colonial North Carolina... I hope I come back in time to feed the dogs Corky and Bonnie finally wound down and ready for bed. The Family Library was not very crowded and I only gleaned a few things. It’s like I’ve harvested the field and now there is only scraps to fine. I came home by 5 to feed the dogs and stayed home with them the rest of the evening.  I am reading Top Secret 21 in the Stephanie Plum series. Lucky is up by my side... I think Corky has gain 3 lbs. since he's been on vacation... Alan Anderson will be putting him on a tread mill ... Not my fault he has an eating disorder ... Michael Ferguson sent me the unofficial transcript from the Jonah Trial where Jeff Bennion's (the president of NorthStar LDS) was cross-examination wherein he is impeached for lying repeatedly under oath and denying to the court that he participates in nude exercises in the support group he runs from his basement.

·         Ben to Bill Actually Alan is wanting company because he is just in bed...No surgery or anything...Charles doesn't dare “like” anything that smacks of controversy... Besides arguing with some, who are obviously unhinged, doesn't do anyone any good

·         Bill -are you saying I am unhinged?  No what I meant for Alan, he is very popular but having a lot of people is exhausting.. I am an old pro on hospitals and visiting. They are there for a reason and need rest.  I mean like you dropping by is what he needs but an army of visitors is not good for him, trust me. I make it a rule, when I visit someone it is never over 5 mins. It is walk in, kiss them, offer help with an pressing needs, go down and get them a drink or food candy etc. and leave. My father was in the hospital most of my life, we got the drill down.  I was also an In Home Support  in calif and clients were always in the hospitals. anyway did you call me unhinged?

·         ben You are right... yes I did at our age nothing is the way it used to Saturday What would be your nickname in prison? My prison nickname would be Baby Face!

·         Richard P. Butler Gee Ben you’re getting into the retirement mode way to fast, slow down.

·         Denise Wachs I’m sorry but I laughed too.

·         Becky Moss You are spoiling the puppies - they love silly adventures And Corky has you in the palm of his paw!!

·         Edgar Ben Williams He's a charming rascal like his owner

·         Lon Breeden Ben, you are so cute.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Hee hee, snicker, snicker, hee hee. Damned old fool, good thing you didn't fall...says the man who can't climb on a chair without falling.

·         Bill Davis Corky did it.

·         Bill Poore You need to have a hidden key for your house outside, I have one. The reason is I have lost my keys before so have one for car and house. I have had to use it several times. "You aren’t getting any younger you know," said my doctor Monday. Bill Poore Maybe you have a feeding disorder.

·          Alan Anderson My babies! !! Ben has a feeding disorder, Bill. We have seen Daisy!

·         Bill Poore My doctor told me I could not eat at Ben's house before Sept 15 our next appointment.

·         Kyle G. Daniels And he's supposed to be on a diet, corky that is.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Tell that to Corky as he swoops around stealing food out of Daisy mouth... Steals Luckys hot dogs, hangs out in the kitchen, climbs up on the kitchen table to rob out of the dog biscuit bowl he's a chow hound!

·         Bill Poore well you have always loved the ones with behavioral problems..

·         Edgar Ben Williams I can't even open the refrig to get my insulin without Corky right there saying you got something for me?

·         Bill Poore Well if he stayed there much longer he would need the insulin

·         Roland Ron Holmgren When someone is a guest, you take the good with the bad. You eat what is served. Don't listen to them, when Roni left here she weighed 20 pounds More.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I am sure Kyle G. Daniels is coming back stuffed with Danish Pastries from Denmark Corky says shut up I'm on Vacation. I will eat what I want and pee where I want and leave Auntie Benita's bed full of my dog hair to remember me by.

 

21 June 2015 Sunday. First Day of Summer and Father’s Day

Warm one today 91 degrees. This morning I cleaned my bedroom really good, changed my sheets and even scrubbed the carpet by hand to freshen it up.  Polished the furniture so the plane hasn’t looked this good in a long time. Then the hounds all jumped onto the made bed. Well Corky is worn out from a long morning of humping Lucky. I don't know who is going to miss the other the most... Corky has taken over Daisy bed so made a pillow nest for her in the closet. Bonnie is exhausted too from her vacation. They will be happy to get home for no matter ‘ere you wander there's no place like home. I saw that Alan Anderson posted this “I'm going home! Well, I'm 99% sure in going home today. Doctor hasn't been in yet, but all the nurses are pretty sure I'm out of here. Intermountain Health Care has been a wonderful hospital. A special thank you to their wonderful staff. And their awesome kitchen staff. And a heartfelt thank you to all of you for your kind words and positive thoughts. Special thanks to Edgar Ben Williams, Becky Moss, Jandy Stelter and Andy Rivera, Daniel Prorok, LaVonne Maloney, Kathy Ryan Vigh and Ken, and my Co-workers at CBI. And to my two sistahs, Jim B Mallory and Michael J Bartels. To my cousins and my sister-in-law and nieces. And to all my visitors! And most important. Kyle G. Daniels. You will be home today and you'll have to put up with me now. I will be so elated to see you - soon. Love to you all.” Kyle Daniels called about 1:15 saying his plane arrived so I left to go pick him up but it was nearly 2:15 before I saw him. He had to go through customs. So drove back to my place to gather up Corky and Bonnie. They were so happy to see Kyle they didn’t know what to do. Kyle asked me what was my plans for the summer and I said being fucked by you. That I can do he said and we kissed but didn’t do much more because needed to get him overt to Alan Anderson’s. At his place, Alan just was home about 2 hours before we were there and Becky Moss was staying with him until we got there. So after delivering Kyle G. Daniels Corky and Bonnie back to Alan Anderson, I went home. Alan has his family back with him again. At home I felt so hot and pooped. Sure seems quiet without Corky around...you miss those bad boys when they aren't around...so all my guests are gone. Grandma Johnson had an expression "glad lonesome" to sum up how it feels... I read a little from my Stephanie Plum book and finished watching Season 1 of Orange is the New Black. Am I the only one that sees a connection between racism and the gun culture of white people...look at the sales of weapons and ammo since Obama became president? White people walk into businesses with weapons slung over shoulders and no one bats an eye but let a black kid have a toy gun and he's shot dead. If a black man carries a gun he's dangerous. If a white man does he's a patriot. There's this myth that the 2nd amendment was established to fight tyranny abroad when in truth it was put in place by the Southern aristocracy to deal with any slave insurrection. slave owners so feared a revolt that armed patrols traveled in slave states to question African Americans traveling off their masters lands. The well-regulated militias were designed to prevent slave insurrections. Almost every slave state had laws against blacks owning weapons. It's ingrained in our racist psyches ... Black man with a gun ...bad ... white man with a gun... Good...because as history and Hollywood has taught us...White people are the good guys... That's why Orem Owlz thought Caucasian Night was a good thing.

·         Bill Poore I went to the gay thrift store today, all proceeds of course go to the AIDS Foundation.  There were three clients in their shopping, they get free clothes etc.  All three two men and one woman were totally spun out on meth.  I worked in calif on in home support, sadly most of the clients were drug addicts that got HIV from unsafe sex.  These three were just like the ones in Calif, really lowlifes, all high on meth which is by the way is totally poison for someone with AIDS....times have really changed.

·         Ben-Circles

·         Alan Anderson My kids are home, and asleep already.

·         Edgar Ben Williams All three of them lol

·          Alan Anderson Excuse me. I'm the one who just got out of the hospital.

·         Edgar Ben Williams You are on your own kid... They are exhausted from going on holiday...

 

22 June 2015 Monday

It’s gonna be 94 degrees so was up at 6:15 because of Buddy and watered the plants in the backyard and the front. I bet I will have tomatoes around the first of July. How was your day? I went to DI and bought some more summer shirts and then to Smiths to fill the cruiser up. Called Precision Doors to come put a keyless entry pad on the garage because after Alan’s episode I realized that I need to have people get into the house if something happens to me. They are sending someone out tomorrow between 10 and noon. I also called Tyler Ferguson with some questions about filing for Social Security and all the rest. In the evening I was working in the backyard since 7 pm when it started to cool off until 9:30. Kind of relaxing today after the 5 dog weekend. Got caught up on my journal that I neglected for 2 weeks. Charles Frost called me this afternoon and we visited some about the community. He informed me that newsletter he emailed me was from last year. I hadn’t looked at the date so closely. So Dayne is still gone, which is good. He’s a mess. I guess some woman was fired from the Center, some social worker and Charles said that Jimmy the cross dresser may be next. Welcome to the real working world. Connie Anast resign from TEA so something is up with the Trannies. Gail Turpin was boo hooing on her face book page that the Utah Stonewall Democrats kicked her off the board. I really have mixed feelings about Allies making decisions that affect us. I asked Charles a way back about forming a men’s social group. He kind of was discouraging with his wanting only a monthly meeting and having it be a private group by invite only. In my mind I was thinking more in line with the Old Unconditional Support. Maybe that isn’t practical or useful these days. Charles was pretty fed up with the LBT’s himself. At the last SAGE Board meeting he brought up the fact that older Lesbians have all these different social and support group and so do the Trans but there is nothing for older Gay men. Well he said he stirred up a hornet nest of old Lesbians attacking him and claiming the new Mantra of “Gay White Privilege”. He might come over for lunch and a dip in the hot tub tomorrow. I watched a little of Orange is the New Black and read a few chapters of Book 21 of the Stephanie Plum series before going to bed.·

·         Me to Bill Poore -If I started a social group for Gay men how often do you it should meet? Charles’ suggestion is once a month... The groups I ran in the past were weekly...what is your opinion!

·         Bill, I am so happy Dayne is not going to be there, he is so in the wrong direction.  I think the cross dresser is a mess.....I just got your message, my phone was in my pants pocket on my chair so just got this at 1030.  Gay group. Weekly is just too often, but that is just me.  You know I am pretty much an anti-social to begin with. I enjoy one of one relationships, not good with groups anymore, but would support you.  I think maybe every two weeks or like Charles said monthly. There are a lot of older lonely gay men out there that are not stars like Charles that this would do a real service for in their lives.

·         Me to Kyle D-Did you sleep well? and the pups...Strange I kinda miss Corky. It’s so quiet here then again all my pups have gone back to sleep. Oh Alan got some good rest at home to?.

·          Kyle D-Hehe yeah they are still sleeping. I slept well. Got up at 4 am though.

·          Me- I was up at 6:15 because of Buddy wanting his treat but he’s back in bed now... Ive got a little running around to do although I should mow before it gets to hot today. I am glad you are home and I know Alan is thankful too. Is he going in to work today?

·         Kyle D- He went in late. But yeah he went in. We will see for how long. Have fun with your errands

 

23 June 2015 Tuesday

 An installer came out from Precision door to put in a keyless entry pad for the door. Cost about $150 with him coming out but I feel so much better knowing my friends can get in if they have too. My entry number is the same as my house number. I called Tyler Ferguson today my financial advisor because I had some questions about my retirement and Social Security. He said that I could go ahead and file for SS but not Medicaid because the district will carry me until I am 65 next year. There’s a part about income after retirement but I need to make sure they know my Summer Salary is actually payment from my 9 month contract. Also none of this will kick in until about September.  My pension is through the state and I still have some stipends coming from the district, my sick leave money and my early retirement money. That will go into a Valic account which Tyler is going to put in my liquid funds. About $70,000  will be a safe stock and about $50,000 in a liquid fund that I can draw from. He really helped give me some more peace of mind as I go through this process.  Jim Dabakis called saying he is giving a speech on the day that the Supreme Court rules on Marriage Equality and he wanted some names of pioneers that helped us get to this point. I suggested Joe Redburn, Kelli Peterson, and Wendy Weaver.

 

24 June 2015 Wednesday

Two hours of yard work in the front yard this morning before it gets too hot. I mowed the lawn, watered the garden and replanted some perennials. Now I am pooped. I'll work in the backyard tonight...yesterday evening drained and cleaned the hot tub. It wasn’t  all that dirty but had not drained it in 3 months. I turned the temp down to just 100 degrees. Time for a libation and to read then I hear this barking so I get up to see what in the world is going on. It's Lucky outside mad because Daisy has her fat butt blocking the doggy door so he can't get in. The air vent is near the doggy door and Daisy loves sprawling across it to keep her belly cool... She don't care if Lucky is stuck outside. Had a nice, unexpected lunch with Charles Lynn Frost, who brought Chinese takeout to the house. He was supposed to come tomorrow but he had his days all mixed up so I quickly straighten up the kitchen just in time. We had a nice long visit. We talked more about forming a Gay Men Boomer Group. He wants to get a small committee to work out the details. He and I have a few tricks up our sleeves still. I sent him home with some banana Nut bread for his hubby Doug. He brought over some Saki in a blue bottle to add to my collection. I put them in the shower widow and love the way the sun makes them glow. Old hippy here. I read in the paper how a progressive Texas minister set himself on fire to protest racism. It Breaks my heart when there are so many vicious mean spirited money grabbing bastards calling themselves preachers and a good man like Moore sacrifices himself to call attention to social justice, racism, and homophobia... I don't want to hear that nothing good comes out of Texas. RIP Charles Moore.

 

25 June 2015 Thursday

I went to the dermatologist up at the U of U this morning to have somethings checked out on my arms. The things I was worried about were nothing but at all just the process of getting older but I had some pre-cancerous spots on the top of my head and face taken care of my freezing them. Ouch. Doctor said they were from years in the sun when I was younger. So all my beach days when I burned is coming back to haunt me. Well I am just a blue eye child in a brown eye family.  I went grocery shopping and bought a lot of fruit. It’s getting that time of year that it’s too hot to cook. In the news the Supreme Court sided with President Obama on keeping federal subsistence to help the poor pay for the ACA. Also Michael Ferguson won his case against JONAH the Jewish reparation therapy group saying that it was a fraud. I finally got a letter from Kyle Foote from last Sunday Father’s Day. He seems to be very happy in the STRIVE portion of the prison where he can teach. I sent him $75 to put in his account. Did a little yard work in the back yard. It was so hot today 95 degrees that my strawberry plants all wilted. Yesterday an illegal immigrant transgender activist began to heckle President Barack Obama during his speech for Gay Rights and he had her kicked out of the White House for being rude. She said her protest was a spur-of-the-moment outcry against the president’s “callousness towards LGBTQ immigrants.”  Like what Chuck Whyte said “There is a correct time to be a loud attention seeking idiot and as a GUEST in the PRESIDENT'S HOME is NOT.........

 

26 June 2016 Friday

Overwhelmed... That is all I can say... June 26 2003 Lawrence vs Texas, June 26' 2013 United States vs Windsor , June 26 2015 marriage equality in America...it's been a long hard road from June 27/28 1969 until now. From being 18 to 64 years old... Overwhelmed. You cannot bind us any longer or keep us apart God Bless Five Supreme Court Justices who recognize that marriage is about love not political ideology… the White House was lit in rainbow colors following US Supreme Court ruling that same-sex couples have right to marry. No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right. Proud of the Gays of Utah...and the pioneer spirit that we can cross mountains of ignorance and make the prejudice desert bloom as a rose of justice For God remembers still His promise made of old That he on Zion's hill Truth's standard [Rainbow Flag] would unfold! Her light should there attract the GAYS Of all the world in latter days. America should be very proud," Obama said today at the White House in his remarks about the historic ruling. "Sometimes there are days like this, when that slow, steady effort is rewarded with justice that arrives like a thunderbolt...What a vindication of the belief that ordinary people can do extraordinary things."  This is so true...look what Mark Lawrence did here in the reddest of all red states. He found six people and a law firm willing to challenge Utah's ban on marriage for Gay people when others were saying not now...this is not the time... Judge Shelby disagreed and said it is time and federal justices made anti-Gay marriage laws fall like dominoes in 37 states... Ordinary people can do extraordinary things in the name of love... In the name of love...I can't imagine the acrimony that is going to exist in the Supreme Court after Chief Justice said this of his colleagues "Five lawyers have closed the debate and enacted their own vision of marriage as a matter of constitutional law. Stealing this issue from the people will for many cast a cloud over same-sex marriage, making a dramatic social change that much more difficult to accept." Thomas Scalia wrote: "But what really astounds is the hubris reflected in today's judicial Putsch." Scalia the fascist should certainly know what a "putsch" is. He might have as well called them Nazis Samuel Alito wrote: "The decision will also have other important consequences. It will be used to vilify Americans who are unwilling to assent to the new orthodoxy. In the course of its opinion, the majority compares traditional marriage laws to laws that denied equal treatment for African Americans and women." Then chickenshit Thomas wrote: Oh wait Uncle Tom never says anything to piss off the Massa. Has anyone heard of Glen Beck's 10,000 Christian Soldiers minister waging war yet? On the serious side how many unhinged religious freaks are going to harm Gay people over this decision? There is always a backlash from America's home grown fascists better known as White Supremacists. Today’s historic event means we will never have any more events like "National Free Sharon Kowalski Day" like we held in August 1988. Kowalski plight touched the deepest nerve in Gay communities across the United States in the 1980's because it triggered two of our deepest fears; a fight to make medical decisions for loved ones and legal denial of personal wishes. We always said "We are family"...well marriage makes it so in a court of law. Couples now can tear up their power of attorneys and the dozens of contracts and just sign one. A marriage license. I so agree with Harvey Fierstein...you never know how heavy the burden is until you lay it down... I lived through my being gay being considered a pathology, and a criminal offense. Went from electric shock treatments and 20 year felonies... All heavy burdens but this last one seemed to be the heaviest and now it has been laid down... Gay baby boomers planted the sapling trees under which millennialist can lay in their shade....but imagine a time when todays gay children come to age in a world where they take for granted that of course they can marry the person they cherish... Many baby boomers like me have seen the promise land but will never get to rejoice in the land of milk and honey and that is okay too. We know we will leave this world a better place for having fought the good fight... Harvey Fierstein wrote: You never know how heavy the burden is until you lay it down in the promised land. Not only am I glad to have lived to see this day ...I am also glad that Gayle Ruzicka, Boyd K Packer, Dallin Oaks, Orrin Hatch, Lynn Wardle, and I could go on and on , have lived to see this day. However I am profoundly sad that Chad Keller who died 8 years ago yesterday, David Sharpton, Ken SugarTush Francis, Russ Lane, Kathy Worthington and Sarah Hamlin, and Darrell Webber, did not live to see this day and how bitter sweet it must be for my friends like Ron Johnson and Brent Marrott who lost their partners and so many more .... I hope they somewhere are smiling that love won. President Obama sang Amazing Grace at the funeral of Rev.Pinckney today. So proud that he is my president. I believe that if it weren't for the courage of Mark Lawrence to stand up and make notice, to do what everyone told him was bad timing to do.... This day would of never happened. We should thank UTAH for this day.... while bigger states with bigger organizations may claim this day as their doing we in Utah know the truth and we know the grit and gumption we Gay people have here living in the belly of the beast and not only surviving but thriving.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Can I add the name of Bob Skelton to your list? Bob and I live together for 28 years. We had a holy union performed in the MCC church 40 years ago. We took our vows very seriously. Bob's dream was that we could be married legally. He would be so happy that his dream is now a reality in all 50 states. I hope, too, he is smiling that love has won.

·         Bill Poore Is it me or is Gayle getting uglier? I just saw her on the news, damn it was hard to watch. She said, "things have not changed for us that believe the bible" , there ya go Gayle, I don’t believe the bible so stop trying to run my life by it. Can you imagine waking up to her every morning, she makes it easy to be gay.

·         Sheri Morris "Tonight we will celebrate for all who never lived to see this day. " -Armistead Maupin

·         Michael Aaron West Outstanding

·         Bill Poore Yep I think they should rename the Pride Center to the Mark Lawrence Pride Center, I can already hear the bitching. sunglasses emoticon

·         Letter to Kyle   Foote Dear Kyle, I got your father’s day letter yesterday and I put $75 in your account. But I felt a need to share with you some of my thoughts on this historic day. Overwhelmed... That is all I can say... Overwhelmed…June 26 2003 Lawrence vs Texas, June 26' 2013 United States vs Windsor , June 26 2015 marriage equality in America...it's been a long hard road from June 27/28 1969 until now. From being 18 to 64 years old... Overwhelmed. My life has paralleled the history of the Gay Rights movement. Even the Mattachine Society was organized the month I was born. My first thoughts when I heard the decision “You cannot bind us any longer or keep us apart …God Bless Five Supreme Court Justices who recognize that marriage is about love not political ideology…”  I loved that the White House was lit up in rainbow colors following US Supreme Court ruling that same-sex couples have right to marry.  Made the struggle to be a first class American all the meaningful. “America should be very proud," Obama said at the White House in his remarks about the historic ruling. "Sometimes there are days like this, when that slow, steady effort is rewarded with justice that arrives like a thunderbolt...What a vindication of the belief that ordinary people can do extraordinary things." This is so true...look what Mark Lawrence did here in the reddest of all red states. While bigger states with bigger organizations may claim this day as their doing we in Utah know the truth. And we know the grit and gumption we Gay people have here living in the belly of the beast and not only surviving but thriving. Mark found six people and a law firm willing to challenge Utah's ban on marriage for Gay people when others like the Pride Center and Equality Utah were saying not now...this is not the time... Judge Shelby disagreed and said it is time and federal justices made anti-Gay marriage laws fall like dominoes in 37 states... Ordinary people can do extraordinary things in the name of love... In the name of love...Proud of the all the Gays of Utah too that I knew in the day when it wasn’t cool to have a Gay friend... we had the pioneer spirit that we can cross mountains of ignorance and make the prejudice desert bloom as a rose for justice. In old Affirmation Days we use to playfully sing, “For God remembers still His promise made of old That He on Zion's hill the Rainbow would unfold! Her light should there attract the GAYS of all the world in Latter Days. It was also so gratifying to hear that Justice Anthony Kennedy got what the struggle was for when he wrote “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.” However, I can't imagine the acrimony that is going to exist in the Supreme Court after Chief Justice said this of his colleagues "Five lawyers have closed the debate and enacted their own vision of marriage as a matter of constitutional law. Stealing this issue from the people will for many cast a cloud over same-sex marriage, making a dramatic social change that much more difficult to accept." Thomas Scalia wrote: "But what really astounds is the hubris reflected in today's judicial Putsch." Scalia the fascist should certainly know what a "putsch" is. He might have as well called his fellow justices Nazis. Samuel Alito wrote: "The decision will also have other important consequences. It will be used to vilify Americans who are unwilling to assent to the new orthodoxy. In the course of its opinion, the majority compares traditional marriage laws to laws that denied equal treatment for African Americans and women." Then chickenshit Thomas wrote: Oh wait Uncle Tom never says anything to piss off the Massa. On the serious side how many unhinged religious freaks are going to harm Gay people over this decision? There is always a backlash from America's home grown fascists better known as White Supremacists. Nevertheless todays historic event means we will never have any more events like "National Free Sharon Kowalski Day" like we held in 1988 when you were just a kid. Kowalski was in a four year relationship when she was in a serious car accident. Her father was given guardianship and her partner had to fight to not be kept from her. Kowalski’s plight touched the deepest nerve in Gay communities in the 1980's because it triggered our deepest fears that we would be kept from making medical decisions for and honoring the personal wishes of our partners.  We always said "We are family"...well marriage makes it so… in a court of law. Couples now can tear up their power of attorneys and the dozens of contracts and just sign one. A marriage license. I so agree with Harvey Fierstein... when he said today “You never know how heavy the burden is until you lay it down in the promised land.” In my lifetime I lived through my being Gay being considered a pathology a mental illness, and my love a criminal offense. I’ve seen us go from electric shock treatments and 20 year felonies sentences witnessing reparation therapy being called a fraudulent practice... All were heavy burdens but this last one, not having one’s love and devotion for a beloved partner validated as authentic, seemed to be the heaviest and now it has been laid down... We Gay baby boomers planted the trees under which millennialists such as yourself can lay in the shade and eat the fruits....but can you imagine a time when today’s Gay children will come to age in a world where they take for granted that of course they can marry the person they cherish... Many baby boomers like me have seen the promise land but will never get to rejoice in the land of milk and honey and that is okay too. I know I will never marry. Still we know we will leave this world a better place for having fought the good fight... Not only am I glad and grateful to have lived to see this day ...I am also glad that Gayle Ruzicka, Boyd K Packer, Dallin Oaks, Orrin Hatch, Lynn Wardle, and I could go on and on, have lived to see this day. However I am profoundly sad that Chad Keller who died 8 years ago yesterday, David Sharpton, Ken “SugarTush” Francis, Russ Lane, Kathy Worthington and Sarah Hamlin, Steve Oldroyd and Darrell Webber, did not live to see this day and how bitter sweet it must be for my friends like Ron Johnson and Brent Marrott who lost their partners before this day of jubilation. and so many more .... I hope they somewhere are smiling that love won out. Love Ben

 

27 June 2015 Saturday

I just woke up... has there been a mass exodus to Canada yet? Are heterosexuals divorcing across the land? [50 percent of heteroes divorce anyway so that’s hard to gage] How many ministers have set themselves a blaze? Is Fox blaming Obama for making everyone Gay? Has Jesus returned? Any reports of the rapture? History will be very kind to the "notorious RBG" not so much Chief Justice Roberts. He is right up there with Chief Justice Taney who ruled "The Negro had for more than a century before been regarded as beings of an inferior order, and altogether unfit to associate with the white race, either in social or political relations; and so far inferior, that they had no rights which the white man was bound to respect; and that the negro might justly and lawfully be reduced to slavery for his benefit." Roberts might as well said "Gays had for more than two centuries before been regarded as beings of an inferior order, and altogether unfit to associate with heterosexuals, either in social or political relations and so far inferior, that they had no rights which the heterosexual was bound to respect, and that the Gays might justly and lawfully be reduced to 2nd class citizens for heterosexual's benefit." Michael Ferguson and Seth Anderson waxing eloquently on Al Jazeera America... I am just exhausted at 64 from just watching and reading everything so I am glad there are young men taking over the race to equality. Handing off the torch... I've run my part of the race... Has the Mormon Church rescinded their 12th Article of Faith yet? We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law. Utah County's reaction to marriage equality in America, in all 50 states, a battle the Mormons have for 20 years spent millions of dollars and political muscle to fight against it... it is over. Oh the horror. This black activist Bree Newsom took down the Confederate flag in Columbia SC "In the name of God this flag comes down today" She took it down this morning and within an unreconstructed Racist Confederates put it back up... Governor Herbert, Senators Hatch and Lee and other esteemed and fearful haters of progress. This is what Thomas Jefferson has to say to you..."I am certainly not an advocate for frequent and untried changes in laws and constitutions. I think moderate imperfections had better be borne with; because, when once known, we accommodate ourselves to them and find practical means of correcting their ill effects. But I know also, that laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths disclosed, and manners and opinions change with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also and keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy, as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors." - Jefferson July 12, 1816 It aggravates me to see posts that almost dismissed the Marriage Equality decision by implying that there's more work to do, more "important work" to do, Maybe because I am a hopeless romantic but I say that nothing I mean absolutely nothing will ever be more significant than yesterday's Supreme Court ruling. As James Dabakis said... this is it. After this day there will be no more big rallies. This was the summit, the epic, dare I say the climax of the Gay rights movement. This was a movement based in love. Ask any couple who married and now are free from fear. Ask any couple that is planning on marrying if anything else is more precious to their heart. Anti-discrimination laws are important and necessary but having the person you love by your side legally protected from those who would tear you apart is paramount over all. Tell Bruce Barton when he was escorted out of hospital by security because he was not Bruce Harmon's legally recognized family that there is more important work to do. This is not just another victory. This IS the victory.

·         Joshua Jonas Kent Jones Well said, as always, Ben. ...Perhaps we can consolidate some nonprofits now?

·         Edgar Ben Williams Hard to shut down businesses when the money keeps rolling in.

·         Alan Anderson The money will start drying up.

·          Weston Clark There will be a lot of work to do, certainly. The implementation of equality is often harder and longer than getting it. Look at racial civil rights in this country. That said. No one should ever dismiss this as a small step. This is HUGE and changes everything.

·         Edgar Ben Williams There could never be racial civil rights until the slaves were freed. There could never be equal rights for Gay people until we were free to love and marry. Is there anything more important than the legal protection marriage affords your family? You are now free to pursue other issues knowing that no one can put asunder the love that created your family. .

·         Weston Clark I don't think at all that this is not monumental. It is. It is HUGE!!! But I think it is a little naive to think we are done. If you think all the counties in Alabama are now on board with performing marriages, you are crazy. If you think bakers are now going to set aside their differences and bake cakes for gay weddings, you are nuts, if you think I am free to pursue other issues and not still have to protect the security of my kids, you are wrong. I also believe some of the "we have work to do" is out of concern for their organizations, but I do believe there is still work to do. We have the law on our side now which makes it a lot easier and safer but we are still fighting for the hearts and minds...

·         Becky Moss Ben, I think part of the "more work to do" is a nice little passive/aggressive reminder that this has been a long hard fight. I have received congratulations that are sidewise to reality. "That was fast, Kitchen v Herbert was filed only 3 years ago". "I told you would get full rights in less than 5 years".

·         Edgar Ben Williams People who forget the past are doom to repeat it. How many years did it take to first get Gay people to believe they were worthy of being loved then how many years did it take to change the hearts and minds of heterosexuals? It only happened fast to those who didn't see it from the beginning. From 1969 when I was 18 to 2015 when I am 64 is hardly a fast track LOL I don't understand why Gay people would want to eat hate filled cakes at their weddings...smile emoticon We are a more perfect union not a perfect union... nor will we ever be... your children now have recognized married parents in all 50 states not just guardians... of course there is work to do... but it’s all downhill if you ask me... first 1974 we could not be institutionalize for having a mental illness, then in 2003 we were no longer criminalized for sodomy, 2015 marriage equality... we are at the summit... we can see the promise land... It’s better to face discrimination with a legally recognized partner by your side than alone.

·         Weston Clark I don't disagree with the statement in the slightest. We're on the same page.

·         Edgar Ben Williams I know it... I think it’s because I am older and see that my work is done and you are younger and see the work ahead of you to be done

·         Roland Ron Holmgren The work that needs to be done is to get on with our lives.

·         Edgar Ben Williams And write our memoirs

 

28 June 2015 Sunday

Bill and I went down to Gunnison today so Bill could hunt for graves and for me to see Kyle Foote. Two hours down two hours to visit and two hours home. Kyle was in good spirits and nothing new so just visited about marriage equality and other Gay things. He so much happier I think in the section of prison where he is now where he can teach classes and be more productive. It was hot going down but the car seemed to have taken the heat just fine even with the air conditioner on high most of the way. I wrote on FB “I took a long hot road trip today with road rage buddy Bill Poore. He called me a slut. I called him a whore. It’s good to have a girlfriend you can be honest with...” I can’t be honest with Amy Barry because she once said she’d stop being my friend if I ever had anything to do with Kyle again. I value her friendship not to throw it in her face but no one but Kyle is going to keep me from loving that boy. "History moves fast. It’s hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full Constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did." Said Stephen Colbert.  With marriage equality here I began to think about what it was like when I openly identified as a Gay man 30 years ago. Thirty years ago there was no LGBTQ. There barely were any openly Gay and Lesbian identified people. Oh there were tons of homosexuals but I dare say just a few hundred Gay identified people. There were no allies either. They only "allies" we had were those important women in our lives we identified as "fag hags" and who were Gay men's most staunch allies. Times have changed. You never know how your actions impact the lives of others but every so often you get lucky and someone will tell you. Many decades ago we Gay people had to heal ourselves from the negatives constantly hurled at us. In Salt Lake City this was especially true. I knew before we could be a strong enough people to fight for our rights, we first had to love ourselves enough to believe that we were worthy of those rights. The times called for support groups, self-therapy groups, consciousness raising groups...places to go to know you were not alone. All the groups I created or were involved in had but one purpose and that was to bind up broken hearts and liberate the captives. No group of people were more broken hearted and rejected or captive to false premises then Gay people during the AIDS crisis. Wasatch Affirmation, Restoration Church, Married and Divorce Gays and Lesbians, Unconditional Support, Beyond Stonewall, the Sacred Faeries, the Utah Stonewall Historical Society all were created to celebrate being Gay and to build self-esteem. Marriage equality could never have happened if the early activists did not change the hearts and minds of Gay people first. We had to prepare ourselves before we could change the hearts and minds of others. I've always been proud of the out activists who I was grateful to have known, who plowed the soil, sowed the seeds from which this harvest could emerge. We are harvesting the fields that many have labored in for many years. Many who never lived to see the fruit of their labor. Steve Brackenbury wrote me this today: "Even though I have not heard your voice in the last 27 years I "hear" you every day through your posts and commentaries. I am so proud of what you have achieved in your lifetime and grateful that I had the good fortune to meet you when I was coming out. With the hindsight of my older, wiser self I have come to realize that I have one regret and that is not having stayed put in Utah, surrounded by the friendships that I had made and would most have assuredly strengthened. I never again found the community in California that I had in Utah. Of course, I was young and impulsive and had found love and that makes you do some fairly bold things. Whenever you post pictures of your Sunday dinners and talk about the friends you had over, I feel a pull towards the Salt Lake Valley. You, sir, have become for me an example of what it means to live life fully and as a tireless hero. The events of the past few years came about as a direct result of your contributions and you made a difference. That really is something".-I don't believe i am a hero however I do believe in the saying "you love who you serve" and I love this community and those who brought marriage equality to America by plowing the fields and sowing the seeds.

·         Bill Poore So my brother just posted he had been there [Gunnison] three times and told me something I knew that they were my Great Grandmothers siblings....which I read to you out of the book. See he has to dismiss my entire post by saying he had been there three times.

·         Michael Aaron I think this has the makings of a Lambda Lore column.

·         Laura Trent You're my hero, Ben!

·         Matthew Landis I have never doubted your love, your passion, and enormous compassion for humanity and the LGBT community in particular. You have been a great voice and a great shoulder for many.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Wasn't fishing for compliments but I will take all I can get...Thanks all you wild and crazy people smile emoticon

·         Bill Poore Oh Please.

·         Douglas Wortham Poignant and truly well written.

·         Edgar Ben Williams It would be even lovelier in French

·         Steve Brackenbury- The other day you mentioned those who were missing, who did not get to see this glorious day. You mentioned Ken Francis and I wanted to share some stories with you. When Ken moved to the Bay Area, he looked me up and we became fast friends, much closer than when we were in Utah. He pulled me into some of his craziness and I was more than willing to go along. He was so nice but also somewhat naive and that was his charm. One day, he told me that he had been at Macy's trying on new clothes. He used to wear really short shorts and while the dressing room attendant was helping him he said that his balls "just slipped out" and of course they ended up having sex in the dressing room. I would roll my eyes with incredulity but he was Ken, right? You had to love him. We used to play "Pictionary" quite a bit and one night no one was able to guess the word, which was "Vatican" because Ken was trying to get us to say "Vitican". To his dying day, he insisted that the word was "Vitican" and got real hot about it. I loved to tease him for that just to see his usually unflappable self get riled up. Ken got Frank and I involved in some New Age church he was going to. He would drag us to this really cheesy pizza parlor that had a Wurlitzer organ just to listen to the music. Once we did a day trip to Yosemite, a round trip of nearly 300 miles, just to duck into the park and have a cocktail at the lodge. Frank and I spent a lot of time with Ken and his partner Adam. I never quite trusted Adam. He was fun but really ran the show and Ken adored him. Unfortunately, when Ken was dying, Adam dragged him off to Hawaii because Adam wanted to go and said it would be good for Ken. Ken told me that it wasn't and it took every effort he had to just be present. He died shortly thereafter and Adam inherited everything Ken had. We spent hours talking and doing things together and he was such an easy part of our lives that when he was gone there was an emptiness. He was so kind and not a drop of guile in him, unlike Adam. I was never able to figure that relationship out. Well, my friend, I need to get going with my day and get off Facebook. I think I have permanently damaged my fingers from hitting the "LIKE" button on every post about Marriage Equality. (It's my way of filling up the feeds of a few Mormons I know that are weeping and wailing and gnashing their teeth. Haha!) Enjoy your retirement. You've earned it. I do hope to see you again one day and give you a big hug. Much love.

·         Me --Thank you sharing about Ken ( could he ever be a Eugene?) ha! Ken lived at the Juel with that gaggle of gays there and when he left he borrowed money for his move. He never paid me back which is why I think he kind of distanced himself from me maybe feeling guilty. I didn't care at all about the money only that I was no longer part of his life.  He was a bright ethereal spirit that shined for a brief moment but what an impression he made on people's heart.  Things changed and you were meant to be in CA for life experiences... The latter half of the 1980s will always be the most precious time of my life from all the wonderful people who came into my life when I needed you all the most...there is nothing like that today... Even with marriage equality...

 

29 June 2015 Monday

Well is official. I am a socialist. I signed up for Social Security.  I applied for Social Security that I have been paying into since I was 17 years old. I did it on line so I hope it went okay. God Bless Franklin Delano Roosevelt and curse to hell Republicans who want to dismantle it. The SS fund would be solvent if not dipped into for other projects...same with government pensions ... Republicans used these funds as private piggy banks and then holler it’s too expensive when it’s time to pay up. The 4th of July this Saturday predicted to be 102 degrees in SLC... who will need fireworks? A 105 on July 5th... I'm Turning the hot tub down to 80 degrees, will get naked, and will soak all weekend maybe all summer... Not a pretty sight but I will be as happy as a puppy with two tails... its 103 in SLC which means the airport where I live. Watered my garden but afraid the cucumbers couldn’t take the heat. I am glad I didn’t go to the arts festival because it was so hot. Charles called today and said that Brent Marrott went and had heat stroke. The Supreme Court ruled today in another split decision that independent commissions can draw congressional electoral districts instead of just state legislators.

·         Bill Poore-When will it start

·         Me-Don't know I put down July

·         Bill You will get complete confirmation shortly, they are fast

·         Me-i will have somewhere around 3000 a month with SS and Pension down from 4500 a month  i made working

·         Bill Poore Well u will have to review expenses like insurance,pay off both cars cut utilities, buying so much food for dogs

·         I know...

·         Bill U could easily cut a thousand out of your budget

·         How'd teaching go?

·         Bill really good, he and I are bonding, he starting to really trust me. He is a good actor. Cute as hell as well. His older brother is there each time. He is an RM good kid.  Their grandfather has invited me to lunch next week with Liam's mom, and Liam.....They realize I am giving this kid a lot of free teaching. Michael Sanders is full of shit, neither Sylvia Rivera or Marsha P. Johnson started the Stonewall riots. Miss Marsha suffered from schizophrenia, she was not able to lead anyone.  Notice that Charles says I have a stick up my ass after I jumped on his post by the heckler trans.  I basically said fuck her and her bad girl behavior....I going to attack back on the stick up the ass remark.....Hehe I probably won’t be allowed in your little group when I hit him back in a nice way of course. I have just hung out with you to fucking long, can’t keep my mouth shut.

·         Charles can bully at times in a passive aggressive way..,

·         Bill Now there is a story that all the money received by the family in Delta is being returned.  There are some who are questioning if it was not made up.  I have to tell Ben, I did not believe this story from the beginning. When I watched him being interviewed it didn't feel true. The photos with supporters like the Lt Gov just felt forced by him and his family.  You know I am psychic

·         Kent Scadlock Hi Ben. I liked your last GBB post. I would support a group like you mentioned and I would love to help run it. I don't have the connections like you do, but if there is interest from your post, I'd be happy to help organize and help it get running. Anyway, just my thoughts on your post. In the meantime, now that you're a retired man, we need to up our brunch/lunch/movie and DI game.  It's been months since I last saw you! Let's hang out soon.

·         Ben Edgar Williams Ive talked to Charles Frost about starting a group for Gay men Boomers. Ive contact the Central City Community Center to have space for meeting. He wants to have a planning committee after the 4th of July of about 5 people? Would you be willing to be on a planning committee?

·         Kent Scadlock I absolutely would be willing to be on the planning committee! I have the time to commit as well. Just let me know when and I'll be there.

·         Ben Edgar Williams Its still in planning stages and I am going slow on this because of Charles but if he drags his feet after the 4th of July weekend we will just move forward.

·         Kent Scadlock Sounds great to me!

·         Ben Edgar Williams Thanks... I think this could be a good thing

·         Kent Scadlock I know it will be. I'm sure there are many Gay men who feel the same. I look forward to it.

 

30 June 2015 Tuesday

There has been a lot of states trying to pull this “religious liberty” shit  they can discriminate against anyone they want. Religious liberty means that if you use your religion as an excuse to not to do your job if you are a public servant you have the liberty to quit and find another job. If you use your religion to discriminate not only are you in violation of the 1st amendment... Your values are screwed up... If a Muslim wanted to stop 5 times a day to pray and not do his job is that religious liberty? If a Jehovah Witness would rather see their child die then have a blood transfusion is that religious liberty? Why is it all of a sudden religious liberty when it's aimed at Gay people? Religious liberty is simply code for we hate you but we aren't to blame because it's our religion not us. In the 1960s states’ rights was code for keeping black people in their place. I would like to think Religious Liberty would be about freedom to love not freedom to hate...and don't kid yourself if you can't treat people equally you hate them. Well I finished my marathon of watching 39 episodes of Orange Is the New Black...so maybe now I can clean my house and get some work done.

·         Bill Poore I have been watching the entire seasons of Shameless, totally R rated, nude, drugs, great scripts, amazing acting. I have watched 4 seasons so far.

·         Roland Ron Holmgren Hulu Plus is supposed to start streaming Showtime. I have my fingers crossed that they show season 5. This is another series we should get Ben addicted to.

·         Edgar Ben Williams Noooooooo! too much to do then lay in bed for 3 days watching a series

·         Michael Aaron West Did u enjoy it?

·         Edgar Ben Williams The story line and characters yes especially crazy eyes and all the black story lines but I had to close my eyes at all the lesbian sex LOL Lots and lots of titties... not enough male butts