Spring 2nd Quarter Journal 2019 April-June

 

APRIL

1 April 2019 Monday

Welcome April... my birth month. It's such a beautiful day I decided to be farmer Ben and rotary till my lower 40...not acres but feet...wanted to break up the soil and turn over weeds that have begun to sprout. I won’t be able to actually plant anything except maybe lettuce and cool weather crops until May. On the west half of the yard north of my garden I am going to plow up the little grass there and plant a pumpkin patch. My yard slopes to the south but it's mostly river bottom clay. If the weather holds I will till in dead leaves for organic material... you can take the boy out of Texas but hard to take the Texas out of they boy...I come from a long line of farmers... I am genetically predisposed to grow things.

I went to the Rose Park Library to look for a book series to begin. I just couldn’t get into reading Forever Amber again although it’s an excellent book. I checked out three in a series of mysteries. I’ll see how that goes.

When I took the trash out I saw Mike drive up. He came to get Coco. I guess he knew I was frustrated last Friday. I said I can take Coco home. Last Friday was just a mess with Sophie jumping out of the car. I asked him about his water heater. I guess he financed one of these high end new models that don’t require a tank. It cost him $5000 but it will last him 25 years. He said that his folks estate was finally settled and the probate court will soon be release funds from the estate. I bet he’s relieved to have that all taken care of. I gave him the rest of the lemon meringue pie and pot roast leftovers from yesterday’s Sunday dinner.

At 5 I was done feeding 8 dogs their chicken thighs and gizzards....Miley won’t eat with the others so I have to hand feed his food. He’s old and shy. Then I put out peanuts for my squirrel family. I feed about 5 of them. They laugh at the dogs and chow down on their peanuts. Lesser beta squirrels will sneak up on the dominant one steal a peanut then high tail it across the hot tub roof. It's quite comical. They are entertaining.

In the evening there wasn’t much else to do so I watched a few episodes of Cheers from their first season. They hold up pretty well.

I

2 April 2019 Tuesday

Beautiful day yesterday but overcast and rainy today. I didn’t want to work in the yard today because its misty out and the breeze is too cold. So I stayed inside typing up on the computer and making lunch of Shepherd Pie with buttermilk biscuits instead of mashed potatoes. I didn’t want a soup so I cooked up some ground beef, added chopped onions and potatoes, added frozen peas and carrots, and a can of green beans and cream of mushroom soup with 2 tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce. I made some homemade biscuits to bake on top. It was a pretty good lunch. Then I took a nap, soaked a little in the hot tub, and then took Coco home. 

 

3 April 2019 Wednesday

It's difficult to proof my Utah Stonewall Historical Society’s talk with Coco and TJ deciding they have to be snuggled in beside me this rainy morning. Buddy is sound asleep under the baby blanket next to me and Lulubelle, Sophie, and Miley are content in the Bay Window. Both Harleigh and Buster are a sleep in their beds...ah the life of a retired school teacher.

            It rained for almost the entire morning and much of the afternoon. It was very gloomy and so different from yesterday. April Showers bring May flowers so they say. It finally cleared up about 3 in the afternoon, the sun came out and it was a beautiful late afternoon and evening.

            I made some chocolate chip cookies for the meeting. I wasn’t sure how many would show up.  At the Pride Center we had a late start and it tight squeeze as we had about 17 people  in the Gnade Room after we had to meet upstairs due to a Pride Day Meeting being held in the Queer Ancestors meeting room.

            The turnout was better than I thought with several new faces including two young lesbians so with Angela Snow there we had more Lesbians tonight than we ever had. Willy Marshall came tonight as did Beauchaine. I hadn’t seen Willy in a long time and it was nice to have people there who knew me from way back when. However Beau was only there I think to try to get me involved in one of his fundraising schemes. I told him before that I wasn’t interested but Beau is often relentless. I had introduced him to Robert Moolman and related how Beau was one of the organizers of a Pride Center back in 1985.  TJ and Jim came and I think except for missing for theater nights, they have almost consistently come to these lectures since September 2017 when I started them at the Marmalade Library. Others there I knew were Chuck Whyte, Randy Hoffman, Dwayne Wood, Kevin Warren aka Ruadhan O’Sheridan, Paul Milne, Stan Rovig, and Dave Webster. Several more attended that I didn’t know.

 However the evening for me was strained when, to my great surprise, Craig Miller and Ernie Hale showed up for the lecture. They have never attended ever one of my presentations and they showed up for this one when I was sharing about the Stonewall Library and the Stonewall Center.

Topics I discussed were the 1992 Hate Crime Bill, Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats, the Utah AIDS Foundation, The Utah Stonewall Center and the Rhino Nest, The OutFront Review, Ruben Ortega Chief of Police, The Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church, and the Utah Stonewall Library and I was not saying anything favorable about Miller and Charlene Orchard.

So as not to get into a heated discussion about that time period I had to shuffle a lot of what I said from what I had written.  Their presence threw the whole rhythm of the meeting off for me and when I spoke about Bobbie Smith resigning from the Library, Craig had to get his two cents in. He said how his resignation was a good thing, and the center was better off because of it even though Craig wasn’t even involved with the center at the time. He even lied saying that Bobbie had nearly pornographic posters up in the library.

Craig evidently still has issues from that period however while mine are rooted in my journals his is just from memories of events from 28 years ago. Then his stupid partner Ernie every time I talked about someone like David Sharpton, Bob Waldrop or Bruce Barton he would interject about how he knew them as if I didn’t. I can’t begin to write about how much I dislike those pompous asses.

After the meeting I gave Chuck a ride home since he had taken a taxi to the Pride Center. I was glad to be home and really kind of exhausted.

 

4 April 2019 Thursday

It was a beautiful day for yard work after spending the morning posting my lecture on 1992 on my Utah Stonewall History site. I wanted to get some flowers so I went to Sutherlands and bought some pansies but they didn’t have much out so I went to the NPS garden store where I get a lot of my plants and I bought some more pansies and a thorn less Blackberry bush. Back at home I mowed the front and back yard, planted 40 pansy plants, the  thorn less BlackBerry Bush, and rotary tilled a space 6 feet by 12 feet for a pumpkin patch. I need to get some more cinder blocks and posts rails to finish off my fence, not that it keeps the pooches out but it frames it nicely. I feel connected to my ancestors growing things.

My electric can opener I had for over 15 years finally gave out. I wonder how many young people would know how to use a manual can opener let alone know what it is... I am prepared for the zombie apocalypse when there's no electricity

In the news Mormon Church announced that children of Gay parents may now be baptized without First Presidency approval, and same-sex parents will no longer be seen as “apostates”. So much for the 2015 “revelation”. Those old men must have dementia.

 

5 April 2019 Friday

I wanted to get some cinder blocks and rail posts today for the backyard garden but when I went to start up the truck nada. The battery must have gone dead. I will have Mike Romero come put a charge on the battery to see if that's all it is...I rarely, maybe once a month if that, drive the truck. I had it inspected and registered last Jan and maybe drove it twice since then. It mostly sits in the garage. My cousin Stephanie suggested I get a  “trickle charger” for when it sits in the garage. She said that would keep it ready for whenever I wanted to use it again. But what is a trickle starter lol.

So instead I went to NPS and bought another thorn less blackberry bush, came home and planted it. Then I clean up dead leaves from the northwest portion of my yard and rotary till them in to the soil of my garden.  It’s a pretty day and I hear tomorrow its suppose to rain some more.

In the evening watched some shows on HULU because I have nothing to read. I’m not into the book series I check out so need to return them to the library. I’d like to visit Kyle this weekend but It depends on the weather. It’s suppose to rain and snow on Saturday. Saturday’s visitation time is from 1 to 230 in the afternoon and Sunday is from 745 in the morning so it depends on the weather, whether I go. This weekend is Mormon Conference so it could be busy or empty.

 

6 April 2019 Saturday

It rained during the night but looks like its cleared up when I was up this morning. Buddy work me at 3 this morning restless but after watching some bits on YouTube I managed to fall back to sleep before 5.  I have to help Buddy and Harleigh almost exclusively up and down the back stairs. I think Buddy has cataracts and Harleigh's legs just don’t work right when he does the stairs. His front legs get tangles up. I made some buttermilk biscuits for breakfast. I had them with butter and apricot jam so I am so filled. I had to make a check out for $276 for my car insurance that I guess I let laps. I still haven’t done my taxes yet. May be I will today or Sunday.

            Mike came over about 9:30 this morning to put the battery charger onto the truck and since it stopped raining I decided to use the break in the weather to go down to Draper to see Kyle. He appeared to be in good spirits and said he took a break from working last week

 

7 April 2019 Sunday

Bill Poore wanted to go out for lunch today and when I went to pick him up I saw him go across the street to find out who had parked in front of his van and blocked him in even though I was taking him in my cruiser. The brunch patrons for Pig and a Jelly Jar café across the street from often don’t care where they park as  the café doesn’t have enough off street parking. He was like an old curmudgeon. Later he tells me that he fought with some cook at Kentucky Fried Chicken yesterday. I think he needs sex or up his meds lol. He  treated me to lunch at the Coachmen's where I hadn't eaten in years. The food and service was good even though we went during their lunch rush. I had a Philadelphia hot pepper steak sandwich while he had breakfast of eggs, ham, and pancakes.

Bill wanted to go for a little drive so we went up Emigration Canyon where herds of bicyclists were out. In the city we saw lots of folks dutifully working in their front yards because it was so nice out. So at home, I began to work in my backyard and I told my backyard weeds it's a good day to die and pulled them all out of my flower beds.

My truck battery is charged again and I took it out for a spin. Tomorrow I am going to get some railing and cinder blocks to make a boundary fence for the vegetable garden. There's no place on earth I'd rather be than fussing in my yard watching nature come alive again in all its colorful splendor and seeing my pups young and old out playing and sniffing the earth for new smells.  "Corn and grain all that falls shall rise again"

·         Bill Poore wrote “I especially enjoyed the day, watching the hard working busboy at the Coachman making me feel good about the youth of this nation. I also enjoyed the young couple when we arrived back at my place going across the street to eat at Pig and Jelly Jar, he wanted to look good so he took off his shirt and put on a nice clean one....He was a very healthy young man.”

 

8 April 2019 Monday

What a beautiful spring and another snow storm is forecast for tomorrow or in the next few days. So make hay when the sunshine and I did a lot of yard work and other chores.

I went to Lowes to get some cinder blocks and 3 rails to finish my fencing for my enlarged garden and when I went to start the truck up in the parking lot, the ignition wouldn’t start the truck. I thought Oh crap but when I adjusted my foot on the clutch the engine turned over so I was able to get home on my own. Life's little victories. Mike Romero said that my ignition switch is probably not engaging with the clutch so I guess at some point I need to get that fixed.

So I got the railing up, pulled a bunch of weeds, and raked out some dead leaves on the south side of the deck where I have all these flag stones. I filled up an entire refuge garbage can with yard waste. However the backyard Yard is really coming along nicely but I am antsy to plant but too early yet.

I  majorly did spring cleaning in my garage also by putting things back where they belong, throwing other things away, and using my leaf blower to clear out all the winter gunk that accumulates over the months. I am a proud home owner now. Let the snow come. It won’t stick around.

Going through boxes stored in the garage, I came across one with a lot stuff I brought home from school when I retired. In it was this letter a parent, Cherlyn Green, mother of my student Dallas had written to my principal at the time Pam Park when I taught at Orchard. It was dated 1 June 2001 and she wrote in part “Mr. Williams is always reinforcing values of proper behavior, manners, and dealing with challenges. Mr. Williams has also introduced new ideas and different cultural lessons to his class, which I feel are important having lived in various parts of the country. Words are so inadequate for my appreciation.” All through my career I had to hide that I was Gay which attributes were the very thing that made me a nurturing elementary teacher. In Utah school boundaries often more time than not align with Mormon Ward boundaries and if it was known I was Gay it would have gone through the ward like wild fire.

I stayed in a closet in my career because I knew I could do more good as a teacher than any other career I had previous had but it was very stressful especially because out of the classroom I was a Gay Activist in Salt Lake, Times have changed... thank Providence

As a teacher in Davis County I used my legal name of Edgar and went by Edd. That way if anyone saw my chosen name Ben Williams, hopefully no one would connect the dots. I guess it worked for 28 years. Even Ben McAdams’ mother Susan who I taught with for about 15 years knew me as Edd Williams while Ben McAdams knew me as Ben. Crazy.

I baked an oven skillet ground beef stew with a biscuit topping. I was in the mood for good comfort food...why doesn’t mood, good, and food rhyme?

 

9 April 2019 Tuesday

I’ve been typing up my 1993 journal working backwards from December 31^st and I’ve finished November now. It was the period I first met Michael Romero and I was so in love and I think at one time he was with me.  Since T.J. Otaka and Jim McMullin were coming over I had to pick up the place and mop and vacuum. It didn’t take all that long because I hadn’t really let it go but with 9 dogs in the house, the mop had to come out.

 They took me to Chubbys Mexican Restaurant for a birthday lunch since tomorrow is supposed to be wet and snowy. It was rainy even today. They bought me this tee- shirt for a birthday present. It says it all lol. “I Never Dreamed One day I’d Become a Grumpy Retired Teacher But Here I Am Killing It.” Richard P. Butler came this afternoon to retrieve Miley and Sophie this afternoon. Miley was so homesick and was ecstatic to see Rich come up the stairs.  I guess Rich and Brenda had a fabulous time but 2 weeks is too long to be away from their pups, especially Miley who is 12.

It's going to be an indoors event, I think for the next couple of days as we get hit by an early spring snow storm. The fruit trees should be okay because we are not expecting a hard freeze. I am so glad  I did  so much yard work yesterday.

            In the news there was a major car chase and shootout on State Street with about 30 cop cars in pursuit until the perp’s truck crashed and he was died at the scene.

 

10 April 2019 Wednesday

On this wet and rainy day I officially turned 68 years old.  I braved the rain and went out and bought me a birthday cake with coconut flake icy.  Because it was so cold and gloomy I didn’t leave the house after that except to take Coco home. Everyone seems so much more relaxed with Sophie and Miley gone and things are back to normal.

            It was beef stew weather with all the gloom so I made a huge pot of it but I mostly took it over to Mike Romero’s because I know I can’t eat it all.

I was surprised with some Roses and White Carnations from Charles Bigo and Richard Harmston this afternoon. We had a nice visit about their California adventures and they had a slice of cake with me. I am rich with good friends and am very lucky.

It will be interesting as always was this year will bring. My health as far as I know is good although I do need to make a dentist appointment and a bariatric follow up. I should try and get in to see Dr. Stoneburner to because it’s been about a year.

Happy Birthday to me.

 

11 April 2019 Thursday

I finally sat down and did my Taxes through Turbo Tax. It will probably be the last time I go through them as they charged nearly$100 to file Fed and State Taxes and since I was only getting back in State Taxes about what I paid Turbo Tax it wiped it out. Besides that, none of my deductions equal the person deductions of $13,000 so I can’t use my Mortgage, Charitable, or automobile deductions any more. It’s not that I mind paying taxes I just hate doing them... at least I didn't owe anything ... I got a refund of $43 from the state and Turbo Tax charged me $44 for filing my state taxes... if I wouldn't have filed even if I didn't owe anything the state would have made me pay a penalty for not filing. I will get about $2500 from the Feds.

            The weather is mostly clearing up but did get a bit of rain and even a bit of hail. In the evening I went down to the Main Library to be supportive of Cristi Hebert as the first class of her Gay history workshop  was tonight. The weather was decent but the turnout was dismal. It was just the 3 of us, Cristi, Ked Kirkham, and me. It was a shame to because Cristi did an excellent workshop on writing. I hope more people will come to the next one. 

 

12 April 2019 Friday

I was surprised to see slushy snow this morning. It looks like it snowed pretty good last night but it's so warm out that it's the consistency of a slushy. I had to help Harleigh and Buddy down the steps to do their business. I bet by noon it will all have turned to water

This is why we don’t plant our vegetable gardens until Mothers Day in Utah..

If the weather is going to act like winter then damn it ...I am baking banana bread. I had two overly ripe bananas and I knew Bill Poore was coming over so I made three loaves, one for him, one Michael, and one for me.

I finally made appointments to see Dr. Stoneburner and a 2 year follow up on my Bariatric Surgery. I will see Dr. Stoneburner on April 17^th at 10:15 and that late in the day I bet I won’t see him until noon. I better bring a book.  My Bariatric follow up isn’t until June 4^th at 10:00 when I will see the dietician and at 10:30 someone else. It’s been over a year since I saw Dr. Stoneburner.

            At 12:30 this afternoon Bill Poore came over see the Pups and bring me some scented candles for my birthday. Right before he came over I checked the mail and my Rainbow Flag came and two birthday cards. One from Kathy Jasperson and the other from Kyle Foote. I was surprised to get either one.

            Bill is getting so hard of hearing and also forgetful. He forgot his hearing aids so his volume is loud enough to play to the back row. At the house it’s not bad but going out to eat, it’s kind of embarrassing for him to be almost shouting especially when he doesn’t filter himself and cuss words are a staple of his vocabulary.

            We went to China Star restaurant up in Bountiful near my old school. The food is good and not that expensive. Of course I took almost of mine home to give to Michael Romero.

            I gave Bill a loaf of the banana nut bread I made and a loaf to Michael when I took Coco home. It started to shower good again right when I left to go over to Michaels and had to use the windshield wipers the entire way there and back.

            In the evening I watched some of my programs on HULU like Brooklyn 99 and the Kids Are Alright.  I started to watch the Orville but the HULU signal was interrupted so I switched to Netflix and I watched National Lampoon’s Animal House that I had seen in years and years.  It had Kevin Bacon and Karen Allen in it before they went on to become bigger movie stars.

            My left lower jaw molar is aching so probably getting a cavity back there. I need to see a Dentist soon.

 

13 April 2019 Saturday

The hounds let me slept in until 7 this morning which is unusual for them. It must have rained all night because everything was still wet this morning when I took Harleigh and Buddy down the stairs to the yard. Everything is very lush and green and I really need to mow. I hope the grass dries out today because I really need to mow the lawn, front and back.

            I worked on typing up my 1993 Journal until noon then I decided I better go mow the grass while I can. It was still a little damp but it was getting pretty tall from all the rain we have been having. Everything is so green and lush. The Tulips are finally starting to bloom.

            I also put up the Rainbow Flag in front of the house. I’ve had one flying off the back house but I have never had one out front before. Usually I just had either the American Flag or a decorative seasonal flag. I was dealing with some internal homophobia even at my age living kind of in fear of what people might think but decided what do I care? Strange how a life time of having to hide can affect such a simple thing as putting a Rainbow Flag in front of the house that implies a Queer lives here.

            After feeding the pups I drove  down to Draper to have a visit with Kyle Foote during the visiting time from 6:30 to 8. Jenny Adair was there and I hadn’t seen her in a month. She said she had pneumonia for 3 weeks. We usually sit together when visiting Kyle and she her husband Shawn as often its crowded and we have to double up.

            Kyle and I had a nice visit. Nothing real new. I told him about my birthday week and he about his week. I guess this Reno guy who has focused all his negativity onto Kyle had given him some shit this past week even a little threatening but he will be gone in 11 days. Kyle said something interesting about putting up the Rainbow Flag that it will do two things; keep the homophobes away and give hope to others that they aren’t alone. I thought that was good insight.

 

14 April 2019 Sunday

It is such a gloomy day. Too cold and damp out to do any gardening. I am sure the flora is loving it. I made some cheesy potato soup for supper.

 

15 April 2019 Monday

It absolutely rained and drizzled all day long. I called Centerville to make a dental appointment because of my aching tooth and I can get in tomorrow at noon. It is a very wet Monday. I didn’t leave the house until 3 when I was going to go to Luckys but not sure what was going  on but the entire parking lot was fill near the entrance and since I really didn’t need anything that couldn’t wait and I didn’t want to walk in the rain, I didn’t bother.

            I felt in the mood for some cheese enchiladas for my supper so I made a dozen of them and some rice but didn’t each much of them.

 

            I started binge watching Good Girls on Kyle’s recommendation. It’s pretty good. In the news Notre Dame in Paris caught fire and the roof had collapsed.  Such a pity for a iconic symbol of Paris.

           

 

16 April 2019 Tuesday

I couldn’t sleep past 4 so rather than just lie on the couch I got up, carried Harleigh and Buddy down stairs and then made some cinnamon biscuit rolls. I wonder if anyone who can’t sleep make cinnamon rolls?

            I went to the Dentist in Centerville to have a teeth cleaning  which cost $145. I need to really find a cheaper dentist and that was with renewing their Insurance at $191! I have three cavities that need taking care of and another is suppose to be for a root canal. I almost croaked when they quotes nearly $3000 for all the dental work. I said I’d come in Friday for the cavity that is bothering me and that will be almost $300 but I will have the root canal pulled before I do another one at my age.

            It rained and drizzled all day nonstop until at 5 when I took Coco home. In the evening I finished watching the first season of Good Girls.

Rich Kane said that he was “Thrilled to say my short doc film "Radio City Lounge" just got selected for the LGBTQ Shorts Film Festival in ... Missoula, Montana? Sure, why not? Guess I'm taking a road trip in June.” I was interviewed and am featured in the documentary.

 

17 April 2019 Wednesday

I went to see Dr. Stoneburner this morning for a wellness check up. I hadn't been in almost a year. I was kind of dreading it as that I have eaten nothing but crap mostly for that year... lots of candy, desserts, crackers and chips. If I make anything healthy I eat a few bites and give it away or to the pooches.

My appointment was at 10:50 this morning and I was prepared to wait an hour as that he gets so backed up so I was surprised when I was seeing him at a little after 11. I weighed in at 186 pounds so I lost 6 pounds since last year.  Dr. Stoneburner gave me an A+  even thought my Ac1 levels spiked. It went up from 6 to 6.2. I blamed it on the jelly beans. He said that I was doing so good that I don’t ever need to test my blood sugars again. The only thing he actually was concerned about was my high blood pressure but that's because I haven't taken my pills for 6 months or more so I guess I better get back with the program.

 

18 April 2019 Thursday

The sun was out almost all day bright and warm. It's such a beautiful day that I mowed the back yard and the pups are out enjoying the sunshine. It is so pretty today I was itching to work in the garden. I went to Sutherlands to buy some seeds and they had $7 tomato plants for $2 so I bought 4. I don’t think we will have a hard freeze again but if temps drop I will cover them. I rotary tilled while the pups are enjoying the weather. It’s good for them to be out playing in the yard until they get tired. I think Buddy has lost his vision in his right eye altogether. He cocks his head to the left and is timid about the steps. I am carrying him my arms now instead of just leading him down by his harness. Corky's favorite place to hang out in the backyard in the shade of an old stump. He falls asleep there in the dirt.

            All that is in the news is that the redacted version of the Mueller Report was released to the public.

 

19 April 2019 Good Friday

Had a cavity filled this morning at the Centerville dentist. I thought my appointment was at noon but I thought I better check and I am glad I did because it was for 9:15 this morning. The procedure wasn’t bad but it cost $245  so I spent over $500 on my teeth! I was typing away and good thing I checked or I’d have missed my appointment. One down 2 more to go but I am going to check with a dentistry school.

            When I left I stopped at the Centerville Deseret Industry to look for some clothes. I bought a nice pair of slacks to wear to the Pride Spectacular next month and then I went to the Welfare Square DI and bought a really nice linen shirt that still had the $45 tag on it for $6.  I bought a red pair of shorts at 40 inch waist but they were too large and just fell off of me when I tried them on at home. I did find a VCR player for $8 since my old one doesn’t work anymore and I still have a lot of tapes I need to go through.

It was such a pretty day. I did some yard work cleaning weeds out parking strip where my mail box is and then mowed the front yard so I am pooped. A little too much sun I think. I invited Bill Poore over for Easter dinner.  Alan Anderson asked if I’d keep the dogs until Sunday because the workers aren’t done with putting in their new floor.

 

20 April 2019 Saturday

I was up early to go visit Kyle Foote at 7:45 until 9:15 this morning. It was beautiful out and very spring like. Nothing really new with him. He has to put up with this Reno character who has it in for him for 3 more days and then he’s out of Kyle’s hair. None of regular people I see there showed so they must be coming for Easter. It was a light crowd so I am glad I went today.

            I invited Alan Anderson and Mike Romero over for dinner tomorrow and went to the store to buy some items for make funeral potatoes, an Easter Cake, and Yam.  Then Bill later” messengered” me and bail on coming tomorrow saying he wanted to visit his sister Jeanie. It kind of pissed me off because he asked the other day if he could come over.

I brought out my Easter egg serving dish years that I bought years ago at Deseret Industries that I can only use once a year. Since now is that time for deviled eggs I made a dozen. I love deviled eggs and really should make them more often just for me. I have all my side dishes, candied yams, and funeral potatoes all prepared and ready to bake tomorrow. I also made a pineapple upside down cake for tomorrow's Easter. I have a historical society meeting tomorrow at 1 so wanted to get prep work done in advance.

I was out in my front yard pulling rag weeds and cleaning up my flower garden on the southeast side of my yard and all along the south side of the fence line. It was so warm and pretty out.  It's a beautiful time of year with the tulips and forsythia all in  bloom.

This late afternoon the weather changed from being bright and sunny in the mid 70’s to a bluster Spring rain here in the Westpointe area of Salt Lake.

21 April 2019 Easter Sunday.

            Its a bluster Spring Rain here in the Westpointe area of Salt Lake and so dreary this Easter morning. I hope it dries up for the kiddies Easter egg hunts although Mormons don’t do that on Sunday mornings. Weirdoes.  I spent much of the morning straightening up the house and mopping. With 8 hound dogs and it raining most of the morning there were some accidents. Alan Anderson asked if I would keep the pups until Monday because their floor is not quite done and I said I would.

            Our Utah Queer Historical Society’s business meeting was held today at the UPC at 1 but I was down there at 12:30. I brought Daniel Cureton a stack of information on the start of the Gay and Lesbian Community Center after the Stonewall Center folded, and the creation of Unity Utah which became Equality Utah. Jim Dabakis had given them to me a while ago. I also gave him two CDs that Jay Bell had given me before he died which included all his research and Affirmation pages that have since been deleted by that website. I asked Daniel if he wanted to be my plus one for the Spectacular dinner. I wanted someone deserving to go who I knew couldn’t afford it. He said he would.

            In attendance were Connell O’Donovan, who couldn’t keep it that we were receiving a lifetime achievement award, Randy Hoffman, Roy Zhang, Terry Gilman, Brandon Devlin, Daniel Cureton, Becky Moss, and Cristi Hebert. I think Becky finally realized that she has nothing to contribute to this group and doubt if she will come back.

            I moderated the group and we made some decisions. Connell has no qualms about wanting people to do things that he won’t do himself. He wanted people to make cookies for the Kate Kendall presentation this coming Wednesday and I said you can’t expect us to bake cookies for the 70 or 80 people we are expecting. So I suggested instead we buy refreshments at Costco.

            We voted on a dumbass Logo that Connell had this friend of his design which none of us were too excited about but we needed on for banners for Pride Day. Connell is still having the UQHS people walk in the Parade carrying posters. He needed 16 people and of course he won’t be one of them but he will take all the credit for it.  We will have another business meeting for May 5^th just to plan for Pride Day.

I rushed home after the business meeting which ran a little late to put the side dishes in the oven and finish making the biscuits. I had a nice Easter dinner with Michael Romero and Alan Anderson. Glazed ham, funeral potatoes, candied yams, black eye peas with bacon, buttermilk biscuits, deviled eggs, pineapple upside down cake. I made buttered corn but forgot it in the microwave so when I sent care packages home it included lots of corn. Lol It down poured while we were eating at 4 this afternoon. Michael said it had hailed at his place and Rich Butler said it hailed in West Valley the size of pearls but if it did here I missed it.

The pups had a nice Easter supper with gizzards, thighs, a little ham, yams and black peas..

 

22 April 2019 Monday

My left back bottom molar is staring to give me fits and I need to get it taken care of but I don’t want a root canal and pay $1700 for a bad tooth at my age. I just worked on my 1993 journal and was remembering the Johnson Family reunion we had in May in Oregon. It was the last time I saw my grandpa Johnson.  I am so ready for Alan Anderson and Kyle Daniels pups to go home, They are sweet dogs but very hyper and needy and I think they are just as anxious to go home. Finally about 5:30 all my house guests went home. I’ve been feeding nine dogs, Buddy, Harleigh, Maxx, TJ, Lulubelle, Buster, Coco, Corky and Bhanni chopped up chicken thighs. When Michael came over to pick up Coco, he said his battery had died this morning and that is why he was late bringing Coco over this morning. When Alan Anderson came to get his dogs I fed him and Michael Romero some split pea soup I made with yesterday’s ham and some strawberry shortcake. The kitchen is now closed.

 

23 April 1019 Tuesday

I called the University of Utah’s Dental school but they said after an initial appointment it would be 3 months before seeing anyone there so I didn’t bother. I then called Roseman Dental Clinic and I could only leave a message and not talk to anyone live. Nobody got back to me so I wonder if I’d ever get in there. I was kind of worn out today and just relaxed all day doing know yard work or even house cleaning. Mike Romero has today and tomorrow off so no Coco and it’s been rather quiet for a change.

            I made an Event Page for next weeks’ Utah Stonewall Lecture Series on 1993. I thought I better as it’s just a week away.

I’m recovering from having Alan's pups until yesterday and tomorrow  is going to be busy with setting up for the Kate Kendall and Carol Gnade thing which of course Connell O’Donovan has left for others more responsible than him so he can have dinner with Carol and Kate. I was asked to join them but declined to make sure the presentation goes off without a hitch. I also have business I have to attend to with Angie Salot about reserving a room for this history writing class Cristi Hebert is doing for the UQHS.

Representatives from Infinity came over this late afternoon to lower my Comcast bill. I hadn't been paying attention to my billing because I do auto pay. Comcast had upped by billing to $150 when my promotion rate ran out but they wanted to be competitive in this area. They lowered my bill by half and gave me a land line to boot... I guess I should more attention to my bank statements

I had been reading about using Bulletin Board Systems BBS back in 1993 which all became obsolete by 1995. Before the World Wide Web there were Bulletin Board Systems where you could dial in and connect in chat rooms. An article in the Deseret News from 1993 said that Utah had more computers per capital than anywhere else and there were 1600 BBSs in Utah. Some young friends when I lived at the Riviera Apartments on 6th South and 9th East hooked me up on some Gay BBS sites to chat and meet other Gay guys. Greg Hill, who I think was a roommate of Kevin Warren at the time showed me how to hook up a modem. I didn't even have a computer until 1992 and I used it primarily as a word processor. Some of the BBS sites I used were Magic carpet, Lower lights, and Meat Rack. There were no pictures just chatting like texting. I did not know of this site called Stonewall BBS but someone posted this information about Devin Hanson

"This BBS was run by Devin Hanson. It was perhaps the first all Gay BBS in Utah. I do not know when it started but it was going strong in 1990 and 1991. Devin Hanson was a pioneer for Gay Rights in Utah in the 1980s until about 1994 when he moved to San Francisco where he became very successful in the computer industry. He was also one of the founding members of Queer Nation Utah. Devin Hanson died from injuries sustained in an accident in 2002. He is greatly missed." - Anonymous

Devin used to promote Raves under the old 600 South viaduct about 3rd West. He was very active in Queer Nation and joined the exodus of LGSU and Queer Nation alumni to San Francisco.

Trump lacks any class and thinks money is what makes him great. I can’t wait until he's worm food. Then maybe he will do some good. The man who slaughtered Muslims in New Zealand was inspired by Trumps rhetoric. ISIS slaughtered Christian's in retaliation. This Easter Massacre can be laid at the front door of the White House. Making America Great Again

 

24 April 2019 Wednesday

I spent much of the day at the Utah Pride Center between the Gay men’s sack lunch, helping set up the place for the Historical Societies Oratory presentation and attending it to listen to Carol Gnade and Kate Kendall share their amazing legal adventures together.

            I knew it was going to be a busy day but I wanted to see the guys at the Gay men’s lunch because I hadn’t been there for two weeks. I saw that Roy Zhang had brought in three $15 Cosco trays of cookies, two cases of sodas, and a case of water so I but the drinks in the refrigerator and after lunch, I helped Brandon Devlin and Katie Webinger the day volunteer and their volunteer helpers set up the downstairs for the program tonight. I knew that Connell O’Donovan and Becky would not be of any help so I wanted to make sure everything went smooth for this special Oratory Presentation. Moving the front desk was the only real pain because it was so heavy but we managed to put out 90 chairs in both the Ancestry room and the main central area. Since Devlin had everything under control, I left and said I’d come back at 5 this afternoon.

            I went and bought two raspberry bushes, and at Sutherlands’ an Anaheim pepper plant, and two geraniums. Not a whole lot of stuff out yet. So I planted them and also some zucchini, yellow squash, and pumpkin seeds. I guess I’ll see what comes up. I love seeing things grow, plants, animals, people, and organizations. It 's the farmer in me.

            I returned to the Center just to make sure all was still okay and it was. Randy Hoffman and Terry Gillman were down early also. Rich Kane came in to video record and I gave him $30 for his efforts. He wasn’t paid by Connell for the Brenda Voisard presentation.

            As people started coming in, I could see that Connell had really over estimated how many people were coming tonight.  Most of the chairs we set up in the lobby weren’t even used.

But it was a fabulous evening with  Carol Gnade, former Executive Director of the Utah Pride Center and former Executive Director of ACLU of Utah and Ogden's own Kate Kendell who had just recently retired Executive Director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights.  Kate was also the first staff lawyer of the ACLU of Utah.  

Even though the turnout was less than expected I think everyone who was there enjoyed themselves and learned a lot. This one woman asked if I would speak at the Interfaith Pride Celebration on Stonewall, and Tonya, this woman of color asked if I would send her information I might have on lynching of black people in Utah. I said I would. Cristi Hebert was there with her son Parker and I introduced her to several people about the writing workshop she is doing.

            I stayed until 9 at night helping put the Center back together again and then went home very glad this event was over.

·         Tracey Johnson-Faulkner: The audience was full of people that I consider heroes or Queer Pioneers if you will. Becky Moss and Benedgar Williams are two of those pioneers as well as Connell O'Donovan, and Beau Chaine.

 

25 April 2019 Thursday

I didn’t do a damn thing today but take several naps. I woke up at 3:30 this morning and could not get back to sleep so I typed up more of my 1993 journal until going back to bed at 6:30. I slept in until 8, made some pancakes for breakfast, typed some more and in the afternoon took another long nap. I guess I really needed it. I planted a bunch of seeds in the late afternoon, some zucchini, yellow squash and pumpkins.  It was such a beautiful day I stayed outside with the dogs for a while. They won’t go outside to play unless I’m there.

 

26 April 2019 Friday

I drove over to the Pride Center this morning and submitted Roy Zhang and my forms for reimbursement payments to Beth the center’s accountant. Rob Moolman is out of town for a few days and he has to sign the checks so it will be next week sometime before they cut a check for us.

All the left over cookies which was almost two full trays are all gone so they fed the hungry.LOL Between refreshments and a gratuity to Rich Kane the Queer Historical Society spent approximately  $95 on the Kendall and Gnade shindig which isn’t bad for all the good PR we had.

I left there and went to Wal-Mart to buy an inexpensive belt to wear with some dress pants I have. I went down from a size 44 waist to a 38 so I needed a belt. While there I also bought two zucchini plants for a $1.50 each, so plan on zucchini bread this summer.

We had a morning shower on the way to the Center but it was gorgeous outside in the afternoon so I sat under my globe willow so the pups will stay outside to play. However it turned dark again in the late afternoon.

Mike Romero is headed to Wyoming to watch the old trains that come along that are headed to Promontory Point for the 150^th Anniversary of the Golden Spike.

 

27 April 2019 Saturday

The pups woke me up at 5:30 this morning and I think Buddy had to go out so I carried him downstairs and then came back up to get Harleigh. As I was now wide awake I fixed some hot cereal and coffee for breakfast and continued typing up my Journal from1993 until leaving the house at 8:45 to head down to the Point of the Mountain to go visit Kyle Foote. Actually the visit through the gate and waiting room was one of the best experiences I had down there as the guards were all accommodating but then LeBounty was on duty and he’s the best.  There was only about 8 of us visitors for some reason. But Kevin Rucci was there to visit Craig Crawford.

            Kyle had a nice visit telling me how Reno who had been tormenting him was release last Tuesday and to fill his spot is a Gay kid instead of a homophobe. We just caught up on the events of the week. Nothing real important to say, just me coming down is to show him that someone cares about him. We joked that this was his last Easter in prison.

            Our visit was over at 11 so I then drove to the Utah Pride Center where SAGE was hosting a wellness fair. I wanted to put in an appearance as a sign of support.  I saw John Bennett there who I hadn’t seen in a while attending a class on potting plants. Richard Harmston and Charles Bigo was there as well as Rich Kane.  Outside there was a blow up huge “colon” you could walk through. I told Rob Moolman that I been inside a few colons in my time.  He was down in Las Vegas meeting with Beano Solomon. I overheard Angie Salot saying how that everything in the Pride Center in Vegas is named after Solomon like it’s a shrine. LOL

            Came back home and sat in the back yard, watered a few of my starts in the garden, and stayed out in the sunshine with the pups for about an hour.  It was beautiful out today. The forsythias have all lost their yellow flowers and have turned green and the spring bulbs like my tulips are starting to drop their petals. It won’t be but a few weeks before the Irises and poppies will bloom. 

            I saw that Connell O’Donovan wrote on his page tooting his horn about receiving the Pride Life Time Achievement Award without nary a mention of me and my involvement with the Gay and Lesbian Historical Society of Utah. He was bragging about a litany of his accomplishments. That is what he does while others of us let our deeds speak for us. I posted on the Utah Pride Center site just this: “I am extremely honored to be recognized with this award when there are so many sterling people who have also dedicated their lives to the well being of a vibrant LGBT community here in Utah. People such as Michael Aaron, Becky Moss, Joe Redburn, David Nelson, and so many others who I have had the privilege to know and work with over the years. We truly are a rainbow blending together to make the world a more just and beautiful place.

            Darrin Solomon of all people came over for a brief visit. He said that he and Merrill after all these years had separated and that he had to put down his two dogs due to age so he was not doing all that well himself.

 

29 April 2019 Monday

I finally got around to writing back David Busby this inmate friend of Kyle Foote who’s still down in Gunnison. He was this pedophile that was sentenced to 45 years in prison for molesting this 13 year old. He wanted to know how Kyle was doing so I forward a copy of the letter to Kyle and wrote him back a brief note of Kyle’s present situation. I never knew in my old age that I would be involved with so many people convicted of crimes.  After that I worked all day on getting my presentation for Wednesday ready. I did go and get a haircut and beard trim today but that was the extent of my going out.

  When I took Coco home, Mike said that he never got to see the Union Pacific’s Big Boy train Engine travel across Wyoming for the 150 anniversary of the Gold Spike. It was  still in Cheyenne as that it had broken down and was in the round house there. An article said of the 25 Big Boy locomotives built in the 1940s, only eight survive, and none has run since 1959. So it was kind of a wasted trip for him.

            In the evening I watched John Hughes  “Sixteen Candles” with Molly Ringwald again. What a misogynist, homophobic, and racist film but I still think it’s funny and so reflects the early 1980’s teen films. Michael Anthony Hall was so great in it.

 

30 April 2019 Tuesday

This morning it was bright and sunshiny but not so much in the afternoon. It is cold and rainy this last day of April. I’m not taking any chances as its suppose to get down to 36 tonight so I covered up my tomato plants just in case it dips below freezing as they are project snow and frost at higher elevations. Daniel Cureton announced the release of the 3^rd volume of Enheduanna: A Pagan Literary Journal.  He wrote “The main center piece are the diary entries of Ben William, a Gay Fairy telling his story of life in Salt Lake City during the early 1990s”. I was a good faerie once upon a time.

            Rich Butler messengered me asking if I’d be home. I said sure and he said he’d be over at 10:30 but really didn’t get here until noon. I cleaned the house since I knew he was coming. He stayed for about an hour so I didn’t get down to see about an appointment to groom Coco. Besides it started to rain about the time Rich left and rained off and on for the rest of the night.

            Again most  of the day I worked on my history presentation for the year 1993. The Utah Stonewall Historical Society's Presentation of the Year 1993 is happening tomorrow. These lecture series are a chronological account of events in Utah since the 1940's. Each month I cover a new year. I will be covering the Randy Richardson's Out Front Review scandal, The creation of the Pillar newspaper, the Logan Protest and Rally, and the move of the Stonewall Library to the Center's new home at 770 South 3rd West.

           

MAY

 

1 May 2019 Wednesday

It must have rained all night long...it’s cold and wet outside when I carried Harleigh and Buddy down the stairs to the yard but my tomato plants survived and are fine. This morning it reminded me of Portland weather, damp which I hate. Give me the dry climate of my Mountain home.

Well Happy May Day. It’s amazing how the Billionaires and their Republican stooges have convinced the working middle class that it’s the poor immigrants who are the source of their economic decline rather than the obscene salaries of Corporate America who refuse to share the wealth that labor produces. There I said it.

Merry Beltane to all my Faerie friends and Pagan folk. Enjoy the lusty month of May "it's May, the lusty Month of May That lovely month when everyone goes blissfully astray, it's here, that shocking time of year When tons of wicked little thoughts merrily appear."

I asked on FB if anyone could identify a tree from a picture I took that  blew in a few years ago and as I liked where it rooted itself, I  let it grow. It’s probably 8 feet tall now. I was never was one to not accept a gift from Mother Nature. However this is the first year it had ever bloomed with little white blossoms at the end of each twig branch. It's very pretty and lacy looking but I have no idea what it is. Some suggested that it’s a flowering cherry or a mulberry tree but I don’t think it is either of these.

            I went to the Pride Center for the Men’s Sack Lunch and just a small group of about 6 of us where there. I wanted to see if the checks had come in for last Wednesdays payments for that Queer History presentation. They had not. Robert Moolman put a frame picture of the Harvey Milk stamp that was donated by the Imperial Court system in the Queer Ancestry room. He also had  2 more curio cabinets just waiting for some butch person to put together. So now we will have three. I left and went to the dog park and made a grooming appointment for Coco for next Wednesday at 9 in the morning. The little girl needed a do.

            At the house baked some Chocolate chip walnut cookies for tonight's presentation. I figure if anyone was willing to hear me babble on for an hour they deserved a treat.

I went back to the Center a little early and glad I did because there was a mix up on what room we were meeting it. I thought we’d be up stairs in the Gnade Room as that the Pride Day Committee need the Marquart room downstairs. However once there found out they had given the Gnade room to the NAMI group that was meeting for the first time at the center. We were shoved into where the Tuesday Night Men’s group usually met. I guess Angie Salot, who usually scheduled all the meeting spaces had just resigned the other day.   All's well that ends well and we were able to accommodate the 18 or so people who attended. I have been assured we will be back in the Marquart Room downstairs in June. I think we had some great conversations from Kevin Hillman, Jesse Dolce, and Courtney Moser which added to the topic.

I met Brad Clark at the meeting who had just recently returned to Utah after some 20 years. He looked to familiar to me and that was because he had been Curtis Jensen’s roommate when he lived in that house on 12^th East. He knew most of the old crowd.

 

2 May 2019 Thursday

I asked Randy Hoffman and Daniel Cureton to be administrators of the Utah Stonewall Historical Society's Lecture Series page so if anything happens to me they can keep the site going or hand it off to someone else. I would hate to have the site disappear with me just in case

Such a beautiful day so I planted some flowers and herbs. While sitting beneath the Globe willow and watering my garden...I look up into my ash tree and two squirrels were going at it... it was like watching squirrel porn... it's the lusty month of May and should have a new family of Cubs this summer... this brave little squirrel goes out into my garden and I watch him dig up my pumpkin seeds and chew on them... with 5 dogs in the yard no less so he's full of nerve and pumpkin seeds.

 

3 May 2019 Friday

I’ve planted 13 trees in my backyard, and 8 in my front yard from saplings over time, actually even more trees that have died over the year, but I've lived long enough to sit beneath their shade. When my grandpa Johnson was the age I am my now, he planted all these sapling fruit trees on his farm. I was 18 and asked him why? Thinking he'd never live to see them mature. He said he needed something to do in his old age. He lived another 25 years dying in his 90s and out lived those fruit trees. The lesson he taught me was to plant come what may... and so I do. Grow stuff and connect with our place in the universe.

            Terry McKeown managed to let me know what the mystery tree in my yard is. It is a Western Chokecherry. It likes part shade where there are hot summers and is drought tolerant. It has lots of pretty cream colored flowers on it this and is said to have decent tasting edible cherries, which are best in jams but I’ve never seen it produce any and this is the first time I’ve seen it flower. Birds love it so you may never see a ripe fruit.

            I went down to the Pride Center at 11 to pick up Roy Zhang and my checks for reimbursement and Bek Birkett was out of the office until three so I said I’d come back. I had told Roy Zhang that I’d pick up his check and bring it to him this Sunday at our Business meeting. I then went to Lowes to find some parts to fix the sprinkler head that the kids had broken out on the parking strip. Sometimes I forget I am a big old sissy and do something butch like dig up a broken sprinkler head and fix it. These momentary lapses usually don’t last longer than a day but all my sprinklers are fixed and ready for Utah’s hot dry summers.  So after that I went back down to the Center had was able to pick up a $30 check for me and a $62 check for Zhang.

            Coming back from taking Coco home there was a major accident on 10^th North which blocked the west bound lane  with an ambulance and fire truck. Fortunately I knew how to cut through the subdivision and bypass it so I could get back on to 10^th north. The only other way was to either go South back down to 7^th South or north to about 19^th North so  I was lucky.

            I spent the evening catching up on my shows. I really enjoy The Kids Are Alright and this episode was about masturbation LOL.

 

4 May 2019 Saturday

I finished typing up my 1993 Journal so I can send it to Daniel Cureton. It’s 271 pages. I finished about noon so I decided to go see Kyle Foote whose visiting hours were 1 to 2:30 this afternoon. He hadn’t gotten my letter yet that I sent that included a message from David Busby who’s down in Gunnison. Kyle looked really happy and he was excited to tell me that he worked on making this rock water feature for the Prison’s administration area. He is pretty sure that he will hear soon about whether he goes to fortitude of not. If he does it will be a month from today that he will leave Lone Peak.  He did say he sent to the Prison Warehouse a bunch of papers and certificates that he wants me to pick up for him and keep safe.

            The traffic coming home was horrible. I-15 was totally back off so I got on side streets and it wasn't much better. It took me 45 minutes to get home when it usually takes only 20 at most. It is so congested in the South end of the valley. So happy I live where I do.  I stopped at Luckys to buy some groceries so I really didn’t get in until 4 in the afternoon so I was gone 4 hours.

            Checking my emails I saw that Rocky O’Donovan was being a jerk about the $30 I paid for Rich Kane to video tape Kate Kendall and Carol Gnade.  Have I mentioned before how much I dislike Rocky? He’s always been a self promoting narcissi who never gives anyone else credit but everything has to be about him.  I’ve known him for 30 years and he was a putz then and a bigger one now.  Bless his heart.

·         Ben: I submitted an invoice to the Pride Center for reimbursement for my payment of $30 to Rich Kane for his work on the April Oratory but Bek Birkett there informs me that you were already reimbursed for it. If that is so, please bring the $30 to our business meeting tomorrow so I can get reimbursed. I'm broke! Thanks, Connell

·         I paid Rich Kane out of my own pocket when I was there setting up for the April Oratory ... did you pay for March?

·         Ben - I did not pay for March and had no intention of paying Rich for March, since he offered to loan us his equipment and made no arrangement with me otherwise about being paid. When you gave Rich $30 the night of the April Oratory, he just told me on the phone that he thought you were paying him for March. I then gave him $30 at the April Oratory for April. However, Bek Birkett at the Pride Center says you turned in reimbursement requests for both March and April (totally $60), so I cannot be reimbursed for the $30 I paid Rich. If you did indeed get $60 for March and April but only paid Rich $30 for March, then I would like to be reimbursed for April. It's really important that going forward you let me lead the Oratory Committee to avoid further situations like this. Can you please meet me tomorrow about 12:40, before the business meeting, so we can figure this out? Thanks, Connell

·         I wasn’t paid $60 just $30 for the money I gave Rich in April...  Bek is mistaken ... the two checks were for Roy and the other for the $30. if Rich thought the money I gave him was for March then you should have made it clear he wasn’t getting paid for that month.  My understanding is that the fee was not just for videotaping but for all the editing he also has to do. From now on I will leave it totally to you to get the reimbursements for any expenditures for the Oratory presentation. However please project how much is needed at the business meeting prior so it can voted on it.  I will bring $30 for you tomorrow and consider the $30 I gave Rich a donation out of my own pocket.   I will leave it up to you hereafter to make arrangements for whoever you get to video and edit and pay them.

·         Thanks for clarifying this Ben. So confusing! I hate for you to pay out of your own pocket if Bek indeed is wrong about this. I needed groceries to get me thru to payday on Tuesday, so I broke out my emergency credit card and so I'm good for now. I will bring projected expenditures up at either this meeting (if there's time) or the next. And I appreciate your cooperation in letting me take care of all the Oratory Committee business. Thanks! Connell

·         There's no "if" about Bek's error. There are just the two checks one for Roy and a $30 for me. I will bring cash so you won’t have to worry about cashing anything. Your welcome Ben

 

5 May 2019 Sunday

I went down to the prison to see Kyle Foote at 7:45 this morning. We had a nice visit where he said that he sent some papers and documents he wanted save to the Property Building for me to pick up. He also said he has some money he wanted to send me. He still hasn’t received the letter I sent him last week.  The visiting time was up at 9:15 and I went home and rested some before heading down to the Utah Pride Center for a meeting with the Utah Queer Historical society committee chairs on what we will be doing for Pride Day. I brought with me some of the laminated posters I made for Pride Day 2003. They were excited about them. The festival starts at 1 on that Saturday but Bill Poore wants me to go with him to Boyer Jarvis’ Memorial service which is also on that day. The Parade is on Sunday which I can't miss because I suppose to ride in it as a Life Time Recipient.  When I came home I posted some stuff on the Utah Stonewall History site and Bill wrote this:

·         Bill Poore Your Stonewall thing got me going and I wrote a long thing about Stonewall and Sylvia Rivera. I am remembering more and more about her and our coffees together when she was trying to get sober. When I was around Sylvia she was at A.A. meetings and coffee afterwards.  I did see her a couple of times on the streets drunk but avoided her...she could be a mess. Sylvia was special even though she was fucked up, she was an alcoholic. who am I to judge?

 

6 May 2019 Monday

I read in the news you need a salary of $71,000 to buy a house in the Salt Lake City Metro area. No wonder school teachers and police officers can't afford to buy. So glad I was able to get into a home 23 years ago making only $25,000. Mike Romero and I were lucky as they let us do sweat equity for the down payment because it was a new house.  We had to paint the interior, put in a sprinkler system, lay sod, and landscape... we only had to come up with the closing costs.

An old acquaintance that I’ve known for at least 30 years, Richard Egan,  I just saw from a post that he is related to Elayne Day. I taught with her for many years at Orchard Elementary in 5th grade... I was quite surprised to say the least. I knew Ben McAdams was the Susan McAdams who I also taught with for years at Orchard. Rick later told me that Elayne Day was his oldest sister. Strange.

 

7 May 2019 Tuesday

It's been raining here out by the airport since noon. The dogs are all asleep during this wet weather. Yesterday early Monday Morning the winds blew fierce here about 50 miles an hour. It broke a limb off my poplar tree and scattered branches from the Globe Willow all over the back yard. I heard that the power lines went down over on 2200 West on the other side of The freeway and the National Guard loss power. It didn't affect me though.

I haven't slept well for two days as I've had pains in my stomach... not nausea just hurting like there’s pressure inside from gas. I get them occasionally after having the bariatric surgery 2 years ago. So been eating pro-biotic yogurt, boiled rice, and drinking ginger ale.  There are lots of folks are down other illnesses going around. I’m just glad I don’t have to go anywhere until this stomach pain subsides except for a meeting tonight.

I went to the Utah Pride Center’s Quarterly Meeting at 6:30 this evening to give our report on the historical society. I learned several  things. Supposedly the Center has 3 button making machines but no one is sure where they are. Also they have not hired a replacement for Angie Salot as event coordinator and might not. All Room Request needs to be made on the UPC web page. I later made a request for June 20 for the History writers project.   I made a request for my USHS

As for information about Pride Day, we will be next to SAGE and Deb Hall and I agreed that on Saturday to shut down at 7 in the evening instead of  11:30 at night. On that Saturday we will need to have our booth staffed from 12:30 until 7:00 and from 11 to 7 on Sunday.  I have a large rainbow flag I think I will bring.

For the Parade it will gathers over by the Salt Place and we will need to be there at 8:00 in the morning.

 

8 May 2019 Wednesday

This morning at 9 I took Harleigh in to the groomers at the Dog Park and when I picked him up I had them cut Maxx’s nails. I didn't make it to lunch because Harleigh was at the dog groomers and wanted to be available the minute the groomer was done. Robert Moolman contacted me to say that Erik Hutchins, the Spectacular videographer, was trying to get a hold of me.  I talked to Bill about doing lunch this Friday. We haven’t done anything together for a while.

 

9 May 2019 Thursday

I drove down the Property Building at the Point of the Mountain prison to pick up some items that Kyle Foote wanted saved. I brought a duffle bag of material back to the house and put into his bedroom. It was mostly a lot of papers and documents he won’t be able to take from prison but he could designate someone to go pick them up for him... lot of it is VA stuff.

            At 1 in the afternoon I met with Erik Hutchins who is doing the video for the Spectacular Gala next week. He wanted to preview it with me to see if it needed much else. I thought it was fine except that Matt Landis got one of the dates wrong.

Back at the house I spent the rest of the afternoon email Erik a boat load of pictures that he can chose from to use.

If I get into heaven it will be because of Buster. I took a very scared frightened and abused senior Chihuahua and let him become a happy boy again...he trots around the back yard like he owns the joints and demands now to sleep at my feet and gives me little love licks. I love all my pups but Buster is special to me seeing him become a dog with confidence again under my care. He's my ticket into heaven for sure.

 

10 May 2019 Friday

The letter I sent to David Busby in Gunnison was returned in the mail saying it violated some inmate security issue. I didn’t understand. Oh well.  I went and picked Bill Poore up to go to lunch and we decided to do breakfast instead of out to Charlie Chow’s for soup. I drove us down to 39^th South and 9^th East wanting to take him to CJ’s. I was really shocked to see that they had closed down! Well I hadn’t eaten there in years, at least. Since we were over in his old neck of the woods, he wanted to take me to his old favorite "Over the Counter" Café on 33rd. He had a lot of history there and was one of his Highland High School teacher, Ursel Allred, favorite hang out. It was .just a good old coffee shop with good food. Bill said that most everyone he knew has had lunch with him there at one time or another. I think it was nostalgia for him as much as anything as that Ursel had introduced the place to him as Ursel went there daily until he passed away. Bill said the place held a lot memories for him as it went back over thirty years or more for him.

            I ordered a breakfast of two eggs, two strips of bacon, and two hot cakes which was way too much food for me. It was tasty but I just don’t have the appetite that I used to have. I should have ordered off the children menu and just had 1 egg, 1 bacon, and 1 pancake. It’s a senior breakfast for sure next time

            After we left I took him back to my place so he could see the puppies and we sat in the back yard soaking up some good sunshine. Maxx got into a fight with Buddy and I had to break them up. Not sure what that was all about.  I took Bill home and talked about how terrible Utah Drivers are. I mean they are getting worse because everyone thinks they are entitled.

            Mike Romero came and picked up Cocoa because he was going to be late. He brought me a dozen eggs that a woman at his work gave him because she raises chickens.

            I spent some of the day preparing for a lesson I am going to give Wednesday on the Color Wheel of Love at Terry Gilman’s men’s group. I haven’t given the lesson on it for over 20 years or more. Most likely more.

 

Trump has just imposed a 25 percent tariff on $200 billion of Chinese Imports... bound to hurt his Wal-Mart base the most

Great seeing the puppies.

 

 

11 May 2019 Saturday

I woke up in the doldrums this morning... Inertia was my mood but around 9 I started doing some wash and going through the Wasatch Leather Man’s stuff that was given to me years ago, I think by Kevin Nollenberg when he was moving. I went of Facebook and posted items after I had scanned them to identify certain pictures of people and posted some documents from the Utah Stonewall Center’s subcommittee.  Even in the Doldrums I think I do more than some people.   I also made some raisin bread this morning which I have not done in a while even though I was not really hungry for it. I just felt like baking. Maxx must not be feeling that well as he got into a fight with poor TJ. He wasn’t hurt but I wonder what is up with Maxx. He’s generally a very sweet pup.

In the afternoon I went down to Sutherlands on Redwood Road and North Temple for their Mothers Day Sale. They had their 4 pack annuals for 99 cents so bought $15 worth of petunias, marigolds, snapdragons and some other pretty plants. I spent about 3 hours in the front yard potting the flowers, pulling weeds, and I cleaned the driveway of all the weeds that grow between the concrete divides. I felt guilty because Richard Butler wanted to come over this morning but I didn’t feel up to it then I so cleaned all the weeds from the driveway this afternoon. It looks very nice and clean. That was a chore and now I am beat so sitting under a globe willow with my hounds enjoying the beautiful afternoon.

Kyle Foote’s visiting time was from 6:30 to 8 this evening so I decided to go see him. The guard that is such an ass told the patrolling car guard to not let us in until 6:15 so he had to stand outside and wait for about 15 minutes. At the least the weather was really nice. The guy is such a prick with a little Napoleon complex. Anyway there wasn’t a whole lot of us and Kyle was glad to see me.  He had been out to Fortitude twice this past week so I think he’s getting anxious whether he will get to go or be turned down again. He will know a month from today for sure whether he will get to go into the cook program or not. We talked a little about his anxieties of meeting people he had wrong when he is finally released. I told him that people have moved on in the past 8 years. He was as disappointed as I was to learn that the show The Kids Are Alright has been canceled by ABC. We both really enjoyed that show and having it to talk about. I am a bit anxious myself how people will response to me having Kyle come live with me again.

 

12 May 2019 Sunday Mother’s Day

It was a beautiful day today and quite warm and sunny for a change. I was up early to carry Buddy and Harleigh down stairs to the backyard to pee and I put a pot roast in the crock pot to start it going for lunch today. I picked Bill Poore up outside of his place on 4^th East and 9^th South and then went to the Wasatch Lawn cemetery  on 33^rd South. Bill bought two yellow potted mums. He said one was for my mom. I got down and cleared so of the grass around the marker and then went back to the house for dinner. I had asked Michael Romero if he wanted to eat with us but he was on the way to Ogden to follow the Train back to Evanston. He’s always been into trains and there was a big to do at Promontory for the 150 anniversary of the Golden Spike. For Sunday dinner I made a Pot Roast with brown gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans with bacon, an English pea salad, and served him coffee. The pups all got a taste of the pot roast of course.  I also had a store bought Pecan Pie some of which I sent home with Bill along with a container of food.

            My stomach has been really bad a lot too day, very gassy and belching. On the way home I stopped at Smith’s and bought some anti gas pills, some pepto bismo, and pro biotic yogurt. I took a pill in the parking lot but on driving the way home I got so nauseous, I was afraid I’d throw up in the  car but I didn’t.  Came home and sat in the yard with the  pups holding Buddy on my lap and TJ was jealous.

Mother's Day sometimes is a melancholy reminder that all the women in my life from when I was a child are gone, my mom, my grandma's, all my aunts. Appreciate those in your life because someday they may all be gone. Nevertheless I don’t need a special day to remember my mom because I carry her with me every day in all my actions. What I miss most is talking to her and visiting. I went with Bill Poore to put flowers on his mother’s grave, he bought a second bunch of mums he said could be for my mom as she is buried in California. As I was cleaning grass around Bill's folks marker, I said that mom always said if you can’t bring me flowers while I am alive don’t bring them to me when I'm dead. Make sure you, if you can, give your mom some flowers in the here and now. .  On Mother’s Day I took Bill Poore out to put flowers on his mother’s grave and after taking him home, while I was driving I got so nauseous that I thought I was going to throw up. I made it home without heaving but it was touch and go.

 

13 May 2019 Monday

John Cunningham has been dead now 12 years and I am in real discomfort, even pain with my stomach. I've not been feeling well for some time. I have been gassy for almost a week and this is not normal. I haven't slept well in a week also. My digestive tract has been out of whack for over a week now so finally after being woken up several times in the night with severe pain in my stomach I finally decided to bite the bullet and go to urgency care because I felt like I was on death's door. I thought I had something seriously wrong with my stomach. I was belching constantly without any relief.   I was worried about the constant belching because I knew that was also a sign of a heart attack and also gall stones. I worked myself into a worry that I might have to go to the hospital and then who would care for the pups.

Anyway I was in so much pain that I went to the urgency care and the blood work showed I had nothing so serious.  It turns out that when I started eating salads again two weeks ago my digestive tract can’t break it down efficiently anymore so it's been in my system causing intense bloating and painful gas. What was causing the pain is that  leafy greens are one of the hardest foods to digest for a normal stomach and since I no longer have enough gastric acids to break anything down they are just setting there in my stomach and lower intestines being gassy and causing me cramps.

The doctor said it will eventually pass but he gave me a prescription for my gut and told me to buy some probiotics and Vitamin B with folic acid since my body doesn’t produce what it needs anymore. So no more salads for me, ever. I am about to revert back to jelly beans because they never caused me this much aggravation but I got to stay healthy because 6 pups depend on me. The joys of being a senior

            I was so out of it that I slept almost all day trying to rest my stomach.  I even had Michael Romero come pick Coco up because I was too weak to drive. I sent him home with the rest of the pot roast dinner I made yesterday. I get sick just even thinking about eating anything.

            In the news Actress and singer Doris Day died at the age of 97. Who didn’t love Doris Day. One of the earliest songs I can remember being on the radio was Que Sera Sera, Whatever will be, will be.

 

14 May 2019 Tuesday

It thundered and lightning today but didn’t get any rain out of it. This morning I was so nauseous that I threw up, which I never do, although there was nothing in my stomach to heave just clear bile but it did make me feel relief.

I am feeling a bit better today so I worked this morning on the Color of Love Quiz I said I would give tomorrow at Terry Gilman’s “Men’s On” group. I had some energy, so I thought I’d also get a letter off to Kyle Foote about the Quizzes I told him about last Saturday. The First was the Mattel Toy  Company Personality Test that I learned about in the early 80’s. I also sent him  a copy of the Color of Love Personality Quiz.  After that I needed to go lie down again. I can’t afford to be sick.

Wednesday I have to present this Color of Love Quiz then Thursday attend a writers workshop, on Friday is the Spectacular where I am getting a life time achievement award and on Sunday I have a historical Society meeting I have to attend. Saturday should be the only time to visit with Kyle at 7:45 in the morning but not sure how late I will be up the previous Friday. Sunday visiting time is at 1 which is when I need to be at the Pride Center as I am chair of the historical Society.

Michael Aaron is celebrating the 300th issue of the QSalt Lake on the 24^th at the Pride Center. He started  the paper as the Salt Lake Metro in 2004 and for about 6 years it came out twice a month until common sense kicked in and it came out only once a month. Now it's back to twice a month one in print and one on line.

I have written a Gay Utah history column for Michael called Lambda Lore from the beginning. Except for a period of months in 2007 when I was too melancholy over the suicides of Kathy Worthington, Chad Keller, and John Cunningham I've written for the majority of the 300 issues. But I don’t know how many... perhaps more than 250 columns. My columns were only suppose to be only 800 words ha! I was lucky if I could keep them at 1200. So congrats to Michael. I think Tony Hobson and I have been longest contributors. BTW He still lower cases my G in Gay... for 15 years ...we are both stubborn.

·         Michael Aaron 1200 my gay ass. Hahahahahaha. I firmly believe you are the columnist who has written more than any other. Especially by word count. (teehee). I truly appreciate you.

 

15 May 2019 Wednesday

I must be feeling a little better if I am baking... cupcakes for a meeting tonight where I am giving the Color of Love Quiz...the banana nut bread is just because my bananas over ripened when I wasn’t eating. I'm still not much, just a small bowl of oatmeal this morning. I took a long 3 hour nap this afternoon so still must be worn down, however.  I love this time of year for my yard. Of all my irises  in my yard, I love the buttery yellow color ones. It's the middle of May and my yard is starting to bloom... when I get my strength back I need to pull some wild grasses but I like for nature to do its thing with a little coaxing.

I presented the Color of Love Quiz tonight at Terry Gilman’s Men’s on group tonight. It was a poor showing and I doubt if Terry will continue it. The only ones there were T.J. Otaka, Jim McMullin, Mark Angus, Cole Gilmore, Terry and me. I think we had a good time and it was interesting hearing the results of people’s answers. As usual most everyone had high scores in Pragma or practical love except me. I made way too many cupcakes, 2 dozen so I left the rest at the Pride Center which had a busy night. There were over 80 people using the building tonight with 7 groups meeting. Kevin Ball who always volunteers working the front desk said the Royal Court gave him this year’s Golden Spike Humanitarian Award. Good for him. Most of the groups were working on Pride Day activities.

            Kerry Ashton’s book Saints Unashamed came to the center and I was able to retrieve it and started reading it before going to bed. Ashton was a Pocatello Mormon who was down at BYU about the same years I was and it’s interesting to read his perspective.

            Lots of celebrities have passed away  within days of each other, Lena Horne, Doris Day, and Tim Conway. Lena Horne and Doris Day were Big Band singers before going into movies and Tim Conway was a funny man on the Carol Burnett show.

 

16 May 2019 Thursday

I needed to rest yesterday so stayed home with TJ, Lulubelle, and Coco glued to me as I finished reading all 337 pages of Kerry Ashtons book Saints Unashamed A Gay Mormon Life. The book is mainly a memoir of his growing up a Gay boy in a devoutly dysfunctional Mormon family in Pocatello and his coming to age and awakening to his sexuality in the insanely hostile and toxic environment of Brigham Young University in the 1970s.

While we diverged with our backgrounds, thank God I was not raised with Mormon baggage, at BYU we converged with similar experiences of putting our trust and faith in men who were hamstrung by a blind regimented obedience to a homophobic ideology. We were treated as diseased, morally corrupt criminals almost like a pestilence to be exterminated. We trusted men who were unworthy to care for our young lives.

I did not know Kerry at BYU although we both graduated in BYU's Centennial year of 1975. His life was in the drama department. Mine was in Social Studies. We were both isolated trying to conform to what was expected of Mormon Male Priesthood holders. We were butterflies in our cocoons, in a world of worker bee drones.

BYU was the reason I came to Utah. It was not the reason I stayed. Unlike so many Gay kids growing up in Utah who had to flee Zion for their lives, I stayed to try and make this inhospitable desert bloom like a rose. I think of the other non Utah Gay Pioneers, like Luci Malin, James Dabakis, Nikki Boyer, Kristen Ries, Maggie Snyder, Alan Anderson, and Rob Moolman all non native species who have stayed to care for the walking wounded, mend the broken hearted, and love the despised and rejected. We, who came to Zion in the latter half of the 20th Century by car, bus, train, or plane, are as many Utah Pioneers as any who crossed in covered wagons or trekked with handcarts.

I am being honored along with Connell O'Donovan with a Life Time Achievement Award for keeping a record of the trials, tribulations, and triumphs of 50 years of the LGBTQ Communities in Utah. It humbles me to no end.

I wrote to Kerry Ashton this: I received your book Wednesday that was delivered to the Pride Center and I finished reading it yesterday. Very compelling and honest and authentic. It did resonate with me in many painful ways.  I graduated in April 1975 as you did only after having gone through the graduation ceremony in August 1974 only to find that Rodney Turner, a religion teacher had flunked me for missing too many of his classes that summer even though I had an A on the mid-term and final. I was missing classes because my Gay roommate John Waggoner had come down with multiple scoliosis and I was up at the Holy Cross Hospital with him until his mother flew out from West Virginia. I missed graduation by a half a point and Turner refused to change my grade to even a D so I could graduate after telling him why I had missed so many of his lectures. The Dean of the Religion department refused to get involved taking the religion teacher's side over mine. I left Provo devastated and penniless. Of course 1974 was at the peak of the OPEC gas war and there were so many people out of work.  I managed to return to BYU in April 1975  to get my degree in Social Science and started taking education courses to become a teacher.

    In April 1976 year after you was traumatized by the death of Harlan, I had a similar experience when my lover was caught by BYU security during the purge of 1976. He was a married 26 year old with a kid and tried to commit suicide by taking a bottle of aspirin. He came to my apartment to say what he had done and to see me for a last time. As you can imagine I was beyond horrified and talked him into going with me up Provo Canyon. he said if I tried to stop him he would just go off and die alone. He was taller and stronger than me so only after he began to pass out did I turn around from the canyon and rushed him to the hospital where I had him admitted as an accidently overdose.  They pumped his stomach but so much had entered his system it was touch and go. I was allowed to stay with him and saw a parade of BYU Security, Standards officers, branch officials traipse in. I even was there when his wife came. None of them stayed with him. Only me as I was allowed to stay with him by the nurse until he was through the worse of it.  Only when I knew he would live did I leave.

    The cruel part of all this like you wrote is that these so called men of God tried to kill us, no better than Danites of old. However the worse for me as probably for you we had no one to share our grief and trauma with. I remember my roommates all looking away when Larry came over grief stricken and near death.  I needed to get him away from their indifference.

     Incredibly within days my Branch President called me into his office only to ask why I had been neglecting my genealogy Sunday School class. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown without a soul to confide in and he was shocked when the flood gates of tears burst from me. I was not confessing I was crying out for understanding and compassion.  As a branch president he had to hold a disciplinary court of course and I had to tell all my sexual "Sins" with Larry before his councilors who were not any other than I was to my great humiliation and shame.  To my Branch President's credit he did not submit my disfellowshipment to Standards until after the end of the term so I wouldn't lose my credits from being expelled.

    The reason I was only disfellowshipped instead of excommunicated was because my Branch President Paul Thompson was a compassionate man and his own father who was a stake President had just recently been excommunicated for immorality and he knew how devastating excommunication could be.  I was disfellowshipped on my 25th birthday.  Now this is how BYU did not even follow church counsel. A person who is disfellowshipped has to work with the church authority who took the action to encourage progress back into the fold. However it was BYU's policy in 1976 that if someone is disciplined for homosexuality they could not attend BYU's branches. Therefore I was no longer under the jurisdiction of President Thompson and was handed off to others who did not know me as a person only my transgression.

    I met a woman at the University of Utah about 9 months later who was also disfellowshipped and within a month we were married, I think in part to regain our membership. This is the part that shows how small the Mormon World is. Only after we were married did we discuss why. She said she was charged with a "morals rap". I said me too. She said she was disciplined last April. I said me too. She said April 1Oth. I said me too.  Now this is the strange part. She was discipline for having sex with a Stake President who was married. When she found out who he was, she turned him in and he was excommunicated and she disfellowshipped. This stake president was the father of Paul H. Thompson the branch president who disfellowshipped me instead of excommunicating me because of his own father.

    Marriage did not cure me anymore than your BYU friends who were also deceived. My wife knew I had Gay issues but we were best friends and never had children. We were both converts from anti-Mormon families which made us cling even stronger to a religion that wasn't working for either of us.   

    When I had an epiphany in 1983 that the spirit said the reason I was fat and unhappy was that I had rejected the gift that God had given me which was my Gayness. The gift that made me a kind and compassionate person. Shortly after that and because AIDS was becoming an issue, my wife and amiably separated when I helped start first a Gay Mormon Church called the Restoration Church of Jesus Christ and Wasatch Affirmation. I almost immediately began to recover from Mormonism, took all my garments, priesthood and patriarchal blessings and through them in a dumpster. I became a Gay activist here in Utah by creating and supporting many groups over the past 35 years. 

    Spiritually I found other paths, having joined the Quakers and formed a pagan radical faery group called the Sacred Faeries. I know now that my spiritually is linked to service and so even though I am 68 years old now I am still involved trying to make Utah a safer place.

·         Alan Anderson Bless your freedom from that church

·         Greg Allen Wow Ben, thank God you didn't succumb to religious bigotry as others did and you became such a beacon of hope and love to those of our community. I remember Paul Thompson being the president of Weber State when I graduated in 2002. I'm glad to learn that he had some compassion for you. What a coincidence too regarding his father and your ex wife's affair! Must have blown his mind if he knew the two of you married. Did he know? Although I imagine you likely lost contact with him.

·          Benedgar Williams Greg Allen I doubt if he ever knew...I never saw him again after leaving BYU ... because I was so broke I worked in his yard pulling weeds for $20 so I could have gas money to go home to California ... he was a nice man ... won’t say anything bad about him.

·          Kristen Ries You never cease to amaze me

·         Richard P. Butler You have been through so much. But you were (and still are) stronger then the crap they put you through.

·          Ron Johnson Thanks for sharing, Ben. I admire your tenacity and resilience. You are a continuing inspiration to all of us.

·          Brent Pace Thank you Ben. I knew parts of your story but had never heard it start to finish. Wow! Many parts of your story resemble my own, some details more horrific, some more tame, all of it at BYU just crazy, as per usual. I’m so glad you survived the efforts by this patriarchal institution to annihilate all of us. So glad I survived as well. It’s certainly been touch and go at times. You’re quite the survivor. Thank you so much for sharing this and for your tireless work as an important historian for all of us.

·          Benedgar Williams Brent Pace thank you Brent btw you and Craig Watts visit to me when I lived in the Greek Orthodox apartment complex is locked away in my journals lol. Fran turned 74 this year. Where does the time go?

·          Brent Pace Benedgar Williams So true. Where does the time go? It occurred to me that our paths have crossed many times over the years. So glad you’re here to document it all!

·          Erick Myers Ben, thanks for sharing your story with us. There were many details I had not heard before, and they helped fill in the picture. They also shed light on the sources of your courage and decades of service, which have made you a blessing in the lives of so many people.

·          Elbert Eugene Peck You were a personal hero even before this story. Thanks. When I knew you, before this saga, you were fun, abounding in love and service.

·          Benedgar Williams Elbert Eugene Peck you were always the best part of my experience at BYU...indeed indeed

·         Melissa Sillitoe Bocarde Wow!!! I didn't know all these things about your past. I am glad that you found your way out of the religious bigotry and were able to recover from it.

·          Al Smith I knew some of your story, thanks for the specifics.

·          Roland Ron Holmgren Thanks for sharing.

·          Dillon Harker The Mormon community didn't deserve you 😞

 

17 May 2018 Friday

When I arrived at the Pride Center’s Spectacular, Jim Dabakis came up to me flustered and apologized for not being on my video tape. Eric, who was supposed to have done it had a mix up and told Jim that he was to talk about Connell O’Donovan. Jim said he must be mistaken because he didn't know Connell that well and that I was his friend.  Erick insisted Jim only talk about Connell and not me, so I didn't get to have Jim say anything about me during the video presentation. That was really disappointing. Deb Rosenberg and Courtney Moser did share their appreciation and love for me so that more than made up for Jim not speaking on my behalf but it would have been nice for all the Big Wigs to have heard what Jim would have said about me. He’s comments about Rocky were nominal because he didn't know him just of him. Ruadhan O'Sheridan, Matt Landis as well as Jim spoke about Rocky who gave a long rambling prepared speech stumbling through page after page and bawling. I swear  his favorite pronoun is “I” and I am so glad I used “us” instead  in my acceptance speech. I thanked the community in my acceptance speech and said what an honor it was for me to know and have known some of the greatest people anywhere Sue Robbins gave a long 8 minute acceptance speech for her Kristen Ries Award  much of it political while Pepper Prespentt’s was more humble and appropriate.

I felt honored by the Life Time Achievement Award tonight at the Pride Center's Spectacular Gala benefit . It was humbling to see a video of friends saying kind things about me. When Alan and I were leaving the Savannah thus young Mormon Girl who made news a couple of years ago coming out as a lesbian in her Mormon Sacrament meeting, came up to tell me that she had the courage to do what she did because of me. I was surprised that she’d even know who I was. It's amazing the lives you touch without ever knowing it. I said she was courageous and her action would save lives.

On the way home Alan told me how Weston Clark was told by his mother Christy who I taught with, how wonder I was as a Gay teacher which helped him with his decision to come out when I thought I was well hidden LOL.

            Looking at some of the pictures of me taken that night the words of T.S. Elliott sprang to mind “I grow old ... I grow old ...I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.”

My freshman year in college at Cypress I had to read the “Love Poem of J Alfred Prufrock” and while I memorized many of the passages this one always stayed with me. I was 18 when I first read this And now at 68 it is ever so much more meaningful to me...especially seeing me wearing my best trouser which are now baggy on me as I shrink away.

            It was nearly 10:30 before the extravaganza was over and we left as soon as we could. I was glad Alan had done valet parking so we didn’t have to stand out in the rain. I gave Alan a loaf of Banana Bread after he dropped me off.

. Alan Anderson and Daniel Cureton were good company tonight but now the ball is over and time for bed while the young ones dance as they should.

It was the wettest day of the Month so far. It rained over an inch!

·         Have a great time tonight receiving your life time achievement award for keeping Utah's LGBT History. You deserve it. Love you.

·         Daniel Cureton Thank YOU for the good company Ben ♥️

·         James Dabakis So well deserved. The keeper of our history.

·          Bill Poore Isn't that one of the characters in Lord of the Rings?

·          Benedgar Williams Bill Poore my precious

·         Ruadhan O'Sheridan Thank you for doing the things you do. So well deserved. I was wonderful to see you tonight. I absolutely LOVED your hat. It was kinda sexy on you.

·          Benedgar Williams Ruadhan O'Sheridan lol I haven't been sexy since 1990

·         Deb Hall It was beautiful - thank you for your tireless efforts Ben. Congratulations on your well deserved award.

·          Richard P. Butler A Hero

·         Jon Michael The award is richly deserved! Thank you Ben.

·         Cole Gilmore Well deserved. You are amazing!

·          Sue Robbins As a relative newcomer, I recognize the importance of history to know the battles that have been as the battles that will come will mirror them. Hearing more about yours and Connell's stories means a lot to me. I will keep learning... Congratulations!

·          Michael Aaron West Congratulations!! You made a huge impact on our lives...I sincerely think if DJ and I had not known you, we may have broke up after the first year. You helped cement our relationship and also mentored us in getting our gay cards...lol...and now here we are almost 25 years later and still together and ....we have a kid. You touched our lives and we are forever thankful!!

·          Beau Chaine' U r our Utah legend!

 

18 May 2019 Saturday

It rained hard almost all night long. I woke up at 4:30 this morning but managed to sleep in until  6. I then was up to let the pups out even though it was still misting and then headed down to see Kyle at his visiting time of 7:45. It rained hard up here in the city but down at the point of the mountain it had cleared up. I was there at 7:30 and I see the guard truck down by the gate letting a person in so I hurried down only to see the jackass drive off. Even if he didn’t see me which he could not have missed me, he should have stayed by the gate to let people in who were coming at that visiting hour. Anyway he made a complete circle before coming back to let me in so I was already pissed. After getting through all the check points and into the waiting room, I saw Kevin there and we visited. Then just as it was time to go through the metal detector the prick guard who knows I see Kyle nearly every week, only then tells me that Kyle was sent out on a work detail. The asshole knew it went I gave him my license and visiting request. So that was a wasted trip and I was so tired after last night and being woken by the rain all night. I can't see Kyle tomorrow because his visiting time is at 1 and I have my UQHS business meeting then.

            Back up here it rained lightly off and on and cloudy so the pups slept a lot and I made some Sheppard Pie for my lunch then worked on an Agenda for tomorrow’s history meeting. I tried to rest some today because about 1 in the afternoon Jim Dabakis called. I am meeting Jim Dabakis at 7 this evening at the Eccles Theater for the 9th annual Utah High School Musical Awards. It's sold out [lots of parents lol] but Jim managed to snag two tickets. I loved it last year and looking forward to it for tonight.  It's Utah's Tonys.

            So I went there kind of early to find a parking space downtown and Jim rushed in right at 7 so we barely made it to our seats before the event began. However I wasn’t feeling all that great like my stomach was acting up again and truly I didn’t think the selection of musicals were all that great this year and Hillcrest’s Hairspray wasn’t even nominated in best performance category while three schools in Davis District all did “Newsies”.  Jim was tired and he also didn’t think they were as good as last year so during the intermission we left. I was also really tired. Two nights out in a row has done me in.

 

19 May 2019 Sunday

There was a break in the weather so I managed to mow the front yard at least this morning. With all the rain we have been having everything is green, lush, and over grown. I couldn’t spend too much time in the yard because I had to be down at the Pride Center at 1 for the Queer Historical Society’s business meeting. Everyone attended and gave their reports on their committees. Rocky wants to bring Patrick Califia as a speaker at one of the Oratories this fall. We agreed to budget $300 for the airfare. I would rather have these events focus on Utah activist but he’s a transgender Mormon so Rocky will score points. I gave Daniel Cureton the collection of Chuck Whyte’s minutes of the Gay and Lesbian Community Council from 1987 to 1993. I guess Cristi Hebert had 5 people at her writing class so that is cool.  We also spoke about plans for the March and Pride Day which is just 2 weeks away.

            It was another gloomy afternoon with gusty winds so I made a pot of chili and corn bread for supper but didn’t eat much as my stomach is upset again.

            I am typing up my journal from 1973 and it’s kind of hard for me as I was such a religious Mormon fanatic then but I was what I was and it’s what got me here where I am today. Kerry Ashton’s book had me really thinking about those college days at BYU.

Once in a Blue Moon... yesterday's full moon was described as a "Blue Moon" which puzzled me as I always thought a blue moon was the 2nd full moon in a month...however a true blue moon is the 3rd full moon in a season of 4 moons. Every season is suppose to have 3 full moons making 12 moons or months... however ever so often there's 13 moons in a year throwing moon based holidays like Easter out of whack. There are 4 full moons this Spring Season starting March 20th, then April, May, and June. So the 3rd one which was May's is called a Blue Moon. It is also the reason the number 13 is considered unlucky because it threw religious holidays out of whack. The next time this will happen will be the summer season of 2024. BTW two full moons will appear this year in October, the 2nd one on Halloween.

 

20 May 2019 Monday

My stomach was upset all night again and this morning I had the dry heaves. I don’t think I’ve eaten anything unusual. I mowed the backyard this morning that was really overgrown from all the good rain we have had and then went to the Pride Center to turn in a receipt for Randy Hoffman so he can get paid for his expenditures. I also talked to Brandon Devlin and Katie Webinger.   I talked with Brandon Devlin who said there's no problem with Kerry Ashton doing a book signing or people purchasing his book at the center so I will contact him and put the ball in his court. I canceled our June spot for the Stonewall Historical Society with Katie who is the scheduler now.  The rest of the day and evening I finished typing up entries from January from my 1973 journal.

So many Southern Confederate States are passing laws that they hope will be reviewed by the Supreme Court to overturn Roe vs. Wade. Most Religious leaders reflect themselves not God. You can find anything in the Bible but some people only look for the hate while others don't ... if God hated abortion so much, he evidently had no problem killing all the firstborn Egyptian boy babies. How were they less innocent than fetuses?

 

21 May 2019 Tuesday

I went down at 7 this morning to the Redwood Clinic to have 21 vials of blood drawn in the lab there for my 2^nd Year Bariatric Surgery follow up. I am glad that is done. So glad I went and had my labs done early at 7 this morning because it's been raining and hailing ever since I came home. I had 21 vials of blood drawn for my 2nd year check up for my bariatric surgery. It's so chilly in the house I might have to put on some sweats.

On 20 May 1973 I almost lost my life. I was working my graveyard shift at the College State Taco Bell with Valenda Sanchez and it was a pretty busy and hectic night. Valinda even stayed until 4:30 in the morning before I sent her home. It was a good thing I did for her sake.

At 5:15 I had most of my prep work caught up and I had fixed myself a drink intending to go outside to sit on the patio for a spell before cleaning the lot of trash. Just as I began to open the front door that leads out to the patio, I was surprised that it opened seemingly by itself. I looked and saw a figure had opened it and as I was about to say what are you doing thinking it might have been a drunk because we got so many of them early in the morning but then I saw that he had a mask covering his face. My eyes flashed down and I saw a gun in his hand pointed at me. From that moment on I had a terrified sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

There is absolutely no words to describe the panic and terror one feels being robbed at gun point and not knowing the intentions of the man who has his finger on the trigger. Instead of just taking the money from the cash registers, he screams at me and orders me to the back of the store the whole time swearing at me and threatening to shoot me if I did not follow his commands. I had no time to process what was happening because I thought I was a dead man. I knew that whenever they take someone out of sight it is usually to shoot them. however instead of shooting me, he forced me into the utility broom and mop closet while he unlocked the back door to let someone else in.

The few minutes that I was terrified in the darken broom closet, the pair ransacked the place. It was only a few minutes but it felt like eternity. I was completely helpless and knew that we have no control over our lives which can be snuffed out in seconds, really.

My mind raced with thoughts like, that I am in no wise prepared to meet my maker. There was so much more I wanted to do, work unfinished, sins unrepented, and promises unfulfilled. I thought how totally wasted would be my life for it to end like this in the back utility closet of a Taco Bell. I thought how I’d never see Utah again or all my friends from the Y. All this work, stress, and strain was for nothing. I hadn’t even made enough money for a decent funeral and which would be a burden on my parents. I thought if I had died in Vietnam at least my parents would have had a medal to show for it.

Well only by the Mercy of God I wasn’t murdered. I heard one of the robbers say, “let’s go take care of that guy and get out of here.” I was prepared to be shot when some drunk customer came up to the front counter and was yelling “Is anyone there I want to order some food.” I heard the back door quickly open and slam. I assumed the robbers had fled. However I stayed in that closet petrified to come out afraid that they would return.

Eventually I reluctantly came out and then called the police. It only took about 5 minutes for police cars to come racing in. I was questioned and told them what had happened. The detectives questioned me to see if I had anything to do with the robbery but they could see by my shaky condition that I was petrified. It was only after the police arrived and I told them what had happened that the horror hit me and I was scared to death.

My store manager Duane was called and he came down immediately and while I thought we were robbed of about $600 because it was a busy night in actuality we were robbed of $1500. Evidently it was an inside job by someone who knew where Duane would hid money on the weekends when the banks were closed. I didn’t even know that there was so much money hid on the premises. Duane hid the cash in empty Taco Shell bins hidden in the store room.

When I finally was allowed to go home I kept thinking I could be dead now. It was a very chilling experience to say the least.

 

22 May 2019 Wednesday

Today is Harvey Milk Day.  I had to change my Google Gmail password today. Its April@1951 I am glued to my computer reconstructing my 1973 Journal and then sending it month by month to Daniel Cureton.

 

23 May 2019 Thursday

            Today a pop up warned that my computer was infected with a virus and that I had to call a certain number or all my data would be lost or compromise. Well it turned out they were scammers pretending to be with Microsoft. These scammers are getting really good at hacking your computer saying it’s been infected and will shut down unless you take action. If you don't know that much about the technical side of how your operating system works as Seniors often don't we become easy targets. I was scammed by a organization called Globalmind IT who claimed they were associated Microsoft. It’s a scam and if it pops up and takes control of your computer Microsoft says just shut down your computer and reboot even if the scammers say if you turn your computer off you will lose all your data. It was a lesson learned too late for me because I paid $470 to supposedly clean the virus from my data. Out several Hundred dollars. These scammers are getting really clever. Sad there are so many people preying upon people. I paid them to clean my computer which they probably infected. I feel foolish being tricked but thought I should warn others.

            When I took Coco home I told Michael Romero about it and he felt back because last year he was scammed $250 for the same thing. I wished he would have told me then maybe I wouldn’t have been so gullible. I was embarrassed but I posted what happened to me on Facebook so others might be forewarned and learn from what happened to me.

I strongly opposed LBJ on our involvement in Vietnam put supported his War on Poverty, the Civil Rights Acts, and his vision of a Great Society. Last of FDR's New Deal Democrats. We need them back now

 

24 May 2019 Friday

Why is it so cold this Memorial Day Weekend? It should be 89 degrees not 59. I am pissed off. I made meat loaf for the dogs and I took off my rings to mush everything together by hand. When I put my rings back on I switch hands and later tonight I realized that my class ring from 1969 was missing from my finger. I have lost so much weigh that it must have slipped off my finger. I am pretty sure it’s in the house somewhere but if it’s gone than it’s gone. I had it for 50 years and that is a pretty good run. I attending the Q-Salt Lake Magazine’s 15th Anniversary Celebration at the Utah Pride Center tonight and that is where I noticed my ring missing. .

Michael Aaron's 300 Issues celebration party for his publication for the Q Salt Lake that he started in 2004 was from 7 to nine but I only stayed until about 8 because I had come early to see if he needed any help setting up. I have written a Utah Gay history column every year for him since 204. I first started writing a regular history column for Satu Servigna's Triangle Digest in 1987 and continued until that paper folded. I helped create the Pillar newspaper in 1993 however my involvement with that publication was short lived. I wrote for other Gay publications off and on during the 1990's primarily for Kim Russo's Xchange Magazine.

However few knows that my first entre into writing was for Elbert Eugene Peck, not when he was editor of The Sunstone Magazine nor for his 7th East Press days of the early 1980s. Long before that in 1973, Elbert was responsible for a BYU MIA Newsletter for our LDS Branch for kids living in Chipman Hall dormitories. Elbert and I shared the same hall and he asked me to be an editor for all the news and gossip for the 2200 floor. I wrote a weekly column for about 9 weeks until the end of the semester. Elbert even finagled us an interview with Gov. Cal Rampton for our little mimeographed Branch paper.

I consider Elbert responsible for my entrance into the world of hard hitting journalism until he left for his LDS Mission to Central California. I adored Elbert's eccentric and loveable personality. We were both young idealistic young men a lifetime ago.

            At the celebration I think about 100 people floated in and out with booze always being a draw. The five husbands Vodka was on display for sure. I sat mostly with Courtney Moser who came at Petunia. He, Tony Hobson, and I have been the longest contributors to the magazine. I also visited with Maggie Snyder and Kristin Ries as well as Curtis Price. I really only went because I thought Michael Aaron wanted some of his columnists there but he never even introduced us so I just visited a while and then went home to my pups who were really glad to see me. I think most everyone else at the party was more interested in smoozing and drinking.

The guys that was shot randomly on I-15 was Dennis Rowley Gwyther a long time supporter of events in the Gay Community. Surprisingly it seems like everyone except me knew him. I guess we just ran around in different crowds.

 

25 May 2019 Saturday

Midnight Cowboy came out on May 25th 50 years ago... I didn't see it until after 1970 when it won an Oscar. The night John Cunningham and I went to see it, someone ran into John's Karma Ghia and our parents had to come take us home. I then drove us in my 63 Ford Galaxie off to the movies. I was not going to let a little thing like being in a car accident keep me from being with John. It was the only X rated movie I went to see with John. The haunting theme song of Midnight Cowboy always makes me think of those days being with John.

            Randy Hoffman said he is going to have to resign from the QUHS board because he has accepted a teaching position back in Nashville, Tennessee. I am going to really miss his contributions.

Funny what you forget until you reread a journal entry from 43 years ago. It was a different era in Orange County, California with a lot of racial tension between the Chicanos and the Anglos.

·         " 26 May 1973 Saturday I had another explosive situation at Taco Bell on a very busy Saturday night. I was training two new guys, a high school senior named Gary and this Jesus Freak named Jim when this gang of Mexicans came up about 1:30 in the morning and were giving us a hard time and frightening off customers. I just let it ride because we were way too busy to get upset over them hanging out in the parking lot and patio but when they started pushing these white kids around I saw the makings of a fight. So I asked the Mexican gang to leave, but they weren’t about to listen to me. I warned them that if they stayed and caused any more trouble I would call the cops. They just scoffed at me so when I went to the phone to try and bluff them, they weren’t having any of it and started swearing and tipping trash cans over so I had to call the cops. I had nightmare visions of a fight breaking out in the glass enclosure where there was about 17 people gathered. When the cops arrived I thought they would help defuse the situation but instead they inflamed it. One of the cops asked me to ask the leader of the Mexicans, or who I thought was the main antagonist, to leave. I was unaware of the distinction of the law that when someone is asked to leave and they don’t comply it’s the same as trespassing. I did what I was asked to do and asked this Mexican kid named Johnny to leave but he refused. Evidently this gave the cops the right to remove this Mexican kid off the property by any means he felt necessary. Well the cop grabbed Johnny, then the kid, who was drunk, took a swing at the officer which understandably inflamed him and so he strong armed the kid and threw him physically outside the glass patio enclosure where then he sprayed the kid with mace. The other Mexican kids witnessing this were furious and looked at me as their primary object of hate and vengeance. The littlest of the gang started yapping about like a Chihuahua, threatening to go get the Barrio to come back and tear me and the place apart. Him I wasn’t so worried about, but it was the tough other Mexicans who were with him who frightened me. I remembered all too vividly when I was working at Nunez’ Market last year when 20 Mexicans jumped this white kid in the parking lot who they were angry at and busted him up pretty good until I went out and dragged him into the store with him all bleeding. Well. I was nervous yes, but after having my life almost ended last week and shaking in a closet, I wasn’t as scared now. However, the two young high school kids I was training sure were worried what would happen to them. I am sure they thought I had just signed their death warrants. Anyway about this time, the cop who mace the kid named Johnny came back up to the counter and told me that I was coming with him downtown to the police department to file charges against this Johnny. I stood right up to him and said, “No I was not.” I never wanted this kid arrested just removed. Then this cop became angry with me. So I had the Mexican gang and the cops both upset with me. The cop more or less said that I had started this whole mess by calling the cops in the first place. I informed him I was in no position to leave this stand and traipse down to the Police Department just because he let things get out of hand. I did however say I might consider it, if I could get a guarantee that this taco stand would be patrolled hourly for protection from the Mexican gang who were right at that moment revving up their low riders to go rouse the barrio for a vendetta of revenge against me. It was really an explosive situation let me tell you. The police wanted to force me one way and the Mexicans were after me on another account. I finally calmed down and got my wits about me and thought what would Christ do in this situation? Naturally he would want to settle everything peacefully. So I went to the officer and asked if I could just talk to the Mexican kid who he had handcuffed. He said, “No way”. That really ticked me off and I got angry. I said “Look you cops I think cause more trouble than your worth. Where were you when I was almost killed last week? Every night three or four patrol cars come in here for free food but you never patrol here to see if I am all right working here alone. I called you for help and you made matters worse than they are before you step in”. I was really steaming and said “I don’t even want to talk to you anymore. Who’s your superior? I don’t even want to be bothered with you anymore. Go get me who’s in charge over you.” Lucky for me he was working with a Sergeant who I explained how I just wanted to talk to the kid and see if he would talk to his friends and tell them just to leave. If he would do that I would not press charges and he could leave with no hassle. Fortunately, the other Mexican kids saw how I was trying to help their friend and was not trying to be vindictive. The Sergeant had good sense and was helpful, thank goodness, and he allowed me to go talk to the Mexican kid who now was kind of sober and himself scared about going to jail. I told Johnny that if he and his friends would just leave and not cause any more trouble I would not press charges against him for trespassing. He agreed and said he would leave. The cops then talked to this kid and unhand cuffed him and even told him that they were sorry for being so rough on him and the boy apologized to the police and me. I said I was sorry too that it all got out of hand. We then all shook hands and let by gone be bygones" This Johnny kid came up to Taco Bell several times later and wanted to talk with me because he said he was puzzled why someone wanted to lift him up and not kick him when he was down. He kind of became a protector of me while I worked alone and I was glad for his company. I was only 22 and after all a sissy boy.

 

26 May 2019 Sunday

I want to thank SAGE Utah for hosting a very scrumptious Brunch at the Pride Center this morning from 11 until 1 in afternoon. Deb Hall and her crew out did themselves and seems like a lot of Seniors were there enjoying themselves although it was intergenerational event. It was good to see Paul Milne there as well as T.J. Otaka and Jim McMillan.

I actually went down to give some items for the display cases that Roy Zhang is in charge of for the Utah Queer Hist. Soc. He wanted to feature Connell O'Donovan and myself as Lifetime Award Recipients.

One of the things I brought down was a Scholastic Book of the Fifty United States. When I was a 4th grade teacher I was asked to have my students research and do the section on Utah. It's a national book and my classroom of all the 4th grades in Utah was selected for publication. It was a lot of work and doubt if teachers would even take the time anymore to do such a project. It's not gay per se but it's from a Gay teacher who taught art as well as history and geography. I found it hidden away were I stashed all my old school memorabilia.

In the evening I drove down to the Prison to visit with Kyle since it’s been two weeks and I won’t be seeing him next weekend because of Pride Day. He’s optimistic that he will be going to Fortitude, the halfway house in June. I told him I got his letter and the $1000 check just yesterday and I will deposit it for him in my savings account. I told him about the Lifetime Achievement Award and other things that have been going on with me and how I spend most of my time typing up and reconstructing my Journal from 1973 when I first came to Utah. If Kyle gets sent to a halfway house this might even be my last visit down to the point of the mountain. Then I will have to deal with people knowing that Kyle is coming back to my house.

 

27 May 2019 Monday MEMORIAL Day

It's been raining steady all morning since I've been up at 6 and my poor pups don’t want to do their business in the down pour. Neither would I... its s dreary wet Memorial Day for those decorating graves today. I made me some buttermilk biscuits and hot coffee to eat the way my ancestors did to remember them by

            It rained a lot today and it was chilly with the high only being around 61 degrees. Mike Romero asked me if I wanted to go with his brother and his niece and her boyfriend driving around Salt Lake but I declined. I was tired and I wanted to just work on updating the Romero histories. I did make to discoveries about the Romero’s. I did trace them back to Bartolome Romero who came to New Mexico in 1598 and that his ancestry was probably Sephardi Jews who lived in the Iberian Peninsula in the late 15th century. Also the Romeros do have Zapotec Indian blood.  Today’s high was only 61 degrees so much for Memorial Day BBQ’s

Did anyone use to make their own envelopes to send letters to friends back in the old days? Yes people used to write letters. I came across this old letter from a friend, Dave Gubser, who I met in 1971 while living in the dorms at Cal State Fullerton. This letter was dated Oct 9, 1972 and asked about why I wasn't at a party my college friends had, getting drunk and stoned. Wild times. Hmmm I wonder if Dave was insinuating anything by sending a letter to me in a Look Magazine photo of Marilyn? Just because I had come out of the closet for about 2 seconds in 1971 while in the dorms. Dave never came out to me but I know he was Gay and had issues with it. He left the dorms when he tried to commit suicide in 1971. He took me to my first Gay Dance clubs in 1971, Oil Can Harry's and Bitter End West, where a young guy asked me to dance. It was the first time I ever danced with a boy but certainly not my last. Now I don't dance any more except with my hound dogs.

Some of us use to remember when the GOP, while were still greedy sociopaths, weren't out and out conspiring with countries who want to destroy our Constitutional Republic... Republicans must have forgotten it was Arabs from Saudi Arabia that attacked us not Iraq or Iran but Billions of dollars of blood money is all Republicans care about... what Republicans are doing is no less than what Julius and Ethel Rosenberg went to the chair for.

 

28 May 2019 Tuesday

I worked the entire day on the Romero Family history updating it to see to Michael’s niece

 

29 May 2019 Wednesday

For all the lightning and thunder and rain this afternoon it sure is pretty out right now. Mother nature is schizophrenic. It was warm 73 degrees this morning but by the afternoon the temperature dropped and the rains came. I went down to the Pride Center today for the Gay Men’s Sack Lunch and to pick up Randy Hoffman’s check for reimbursement for some expenditures. I think I made a couple of the old assimilationists there upset when I said I was so against assimilation and don’t want to just be one of the crowd. Then I went and deposited Kyle Foote’s $1000 check in my savings account and bought some more vegetable to plant but it really began to rain just about when I came home so didn’t get them into the ground. It rained most of the evening and its hard on the dogs as they are too spoiled to go out in the rain and I have to carry Harleigh and Buddy down so they can at least pee. The Salt Lake City Airport has 10.78" of rain for the meteorological spring and since I live just about a mile east of the Airport that’s my rain also. I didn’t go to the Queer Historical Society’s Oratory tonight that feature Peter Christie. I am so over supporting Connell O’Donovan’s ego.   

 

30 May 2019 Thursday

I worked all day on Ricardo de Jesus Romero’s family history for Michael’s niece Ana. That’s about all I did except took a break to mow the backyard and plant the vegetables I bought yesterday. I bought some cantaloupe, watermelon, eggplant, and spaghetti squash. I needed to get them into the ground. Only time I went out was to take Coco home. It was nice and warm today. Teina Marie Scuderi asked me to speak at some luncheon  function on Stonewall on June 11^th.  On the 7^th I guess we will be meeting to go over details. Lots of lightening tonight after I went to bed.

 

31  May 2019 Friday

It rained again during the night so don’t know how much. It has rained 11 out of the 31 days this month.  It. Has rained 4.4 inches in just this month alone. Last April it rained

6.9 inches so it’s been a really wet spring.  We normally only get 18 inches of rain the entire year. 2019 now rates as the 2nd wettest spring on record at the Salt Lake City International Airport.

Sometimes I forget I am no spring chicken. After working in the yard this afternoon I was down at the City County Building to help set up for Pride Day tomorrow. I carried a crate with some books and a typewriter for about 2 blocks until I just gave out. Fortunately at Washington Square two young volunteers Amy and Julie said they'd carry it the rest of the way to the Utah Queer Historical Society’s Pavilion.

While working with the Board Members setting up the displays I got really dizzy and had to sit down. Too much physical exertion with little liquids I think did me in but we got a lot accomplished until it started to rain on us so back tomorrow to put my shoulder to the wheel and push along. I might drop dead in the harness but hey at least I have seen the promise land ... I am this tired and Pride hasn't even started yet

Oh yeah I am that old. I got into a squabble with one of the set up Nazis because I wanted to use a table which in no uncertain term said I couldn't because I had to go through my quad leader who ever the hell that is...I remember the days when we just picked up our stuff and moved it where we wanted or when my Japanese Parasol was confiscated to use as shade to keep the sound board from being fried in 100 degree heat. I created the first banner displayed at Gay Pride Day here in SLC in 1988 and now I have to fuss with someone to get an extra table. See I said I am old. This lifetime Achievement Award couldn't have come at a better time because I am ready to retire so where is my gold watch and chain for 35 years of devotion to the company? What do you mean there's no Gay Pension Plan?

Roy Zhang for the June's UQHS display cases set up displays honoring Connell O'Donovan and Benedgar Williams and of course the 50th Anniversary of Stonewall and Utah Pride.

So May is over and all my roses are starting to bloom and my yard looks so lush from all the water we’ve had this year.

 

 

JUNE

1 June 2019 Saturday

I went to be at bed at 9:30 yesterday but then I was wide awake at 1:30 in the morning... lots on my mind… and of course it rained hard last night. It was breezy and damp this morning so I had no idea how to dress today for staffing the Pride Day Booth. I ended up wearing jeans, my old pioneer shirt and hat. I had to be down at the Pride Center at 8 to pick up another small table. So Happy "flippin'" Pride Day... A lot of HUMBUGGERY. I hope all the spectators enjoy all the hard work we gladiator put in to it...

It was such a busy day. I was down at the Pride Center at 8 to pick up another display table, then down at Pride Day grounds to set up at 8:30. I was able to get a handicap spot right on the corner of state and 4^th South. Owen Edwards was already at our booth wanting to volunteer and he helped me carry the table over to our pavilion and  helped, Randy Hoffman, Roy Zhang and Cristi Hebert set up. All of them are on the Utah Queer Historical Society's board and were there to help except Connell O’Donovan. Typical of him. He begged off saying he had to work but I bet you anything he will show up for the recognition tomorrow. I bought a dozen Dunkin Donuts for all the workers in our booth.

We did a great job with lots of visitors looking at our displays. So great to see people like David Nelson and Dominique Storni I had not seen in ages. I visited with Dominique Storni today. It was interesting to hear her talk about how she is not happy with the Social Justice Warriors aspect of the Trans movement. It was nice to hear that I wasn’t just being an old curmudgeon. The 1-5 Club even had the gall to demand that Police and Security not march in the parade as it “triggers” them. I say if they are Gay or Gay friendly let them march.

Washington Square was packed and. Biggest crowd ever so I heard.  By 5 I went home to feed my pups and decompress with them. Will do it all again tomorrow and have to be downtown by 9 to be in the Parade but thank God I am not walking but riding LOL. I told my committee folks...this is a marathon weekend... let’s just get through it than we can collapse. BTW We're Here We're Queer and some of us are really tired.

We have a great team of Committee Chairs and we pulled off a great pavilion for Saturday's Pride Day. Daniel Cureton and Cristi Hebert's writing project was a hit with lots of folks using a typewriter for the first time. It was cute when this young girls asked where's the enter button. We have several stories from that project. Thanks to Randy Hoffman and Roy Zhang for staffing the booth all day and helping me solve the world's problems. Special thanks to Owen Edwards of the Zion Sisterhood for volunteering at the booth and agreeing to be the chair of the Oral Histories Project. He's itching to interview this Lesbian named Bonnie who was at Stonewall the night of the riots. It sure makes a task easier and lighter with so many hands helping. I am so proud of what was accomplish as well as we all should be.

About 9 tonight a huge storm blew in out here at the airport. It was gusty, with Lighting and pounding rain. I heard the featured performer at Pride had to be canceled as the storm hit just as she was ready to perform. .

·         Sue Robbins Surprised many of us at the festival. Came in with blasting winds sending things flying and while we were gathering that, the skies opened up. At least it was late

 

2 June 2019 Sunday

I was up early and wrote on FB “Well it's not rainy this morning and the sun is out so I guess nothing is going to rain on our parade today.” Except for Connell O’Donovan. So today was the big day and I dressed in my green tee shirt that had the year 1969 all over it in big letters that I bought from Rancho Alamitos Alumni for their 50^th Reunion. I brought the Japanese Parasol that I had used in 1988 to cover the sound board at Gay Pride Day at Sunnyside Park because it was in the 100’s that day. Anyway Michael Romero came over to take me down and 2^nd South between 3^rd West and West Temple which was jammed with floats and entries and so many people all dressed colorfully for the parade. I saw Roy Zhang was there on the corner first and then our group started to assemble. Brandon Devlin dropped off the historical signs of the Queer Ancestors we were to carry as part of our contingent.

When I arrived at the Parade site, I then went to find where were the vehicles were that Connell and I were to ride in. I found out they only had one convertible, which was a two seater, and then a Lamborghini. They were going to put Rocky in the convertible because he was too fat to go in the Lamborghini, which wasn’t a  convertible. I was so upset because I was told we both would be riding or standing as life time Achievement Recipients and I was all decked out. Instead I realized Rocky was going to be seen by the crowd while I was going to be put in a low car where no one really could see me. I was so upset that here again Rocky gets to steal my thunder like when Dabakis was on his Spectacular video and not mine.

I finally had enough and said I am not riding in that car and I would rather walk with the Historical Society.  I was not going to be upstaged by Rocky again. I said why am I even riding in the parade if no one could see me. Actually my feelings were really hurt because once again Rocky gets all the recognition while I come up short when I've done more for this community then he ever had.  He was gone for nearly 20 years and not even in Utah.

Finally after seeing how upset I was, they had me ride with the Kristen Ries Recipients in an open top jeep. So once again I was relegated to second place. Even then I was put in the front seat while Sue Robbins and Pepper Presentte stood and waved. The parade folks had this magnetic sign that went on the sides of the vehicles to tell who we were.  Rocky took a black marker and blacked out my name so only his showed on his vehicle. He then comes over and asks if I wanted to black out his name and I just looked at him like how ignorant. We were both getting recognized for the same award and yet he made sure he didn’t share it with me.

I rode  with a really cute straight guy who had a sweet dog in my lap and he apologized profusely but I calmed down and thought what is.. is...  So I waved to the crowd the best I could, saw some familiar faces, and smiled when the Parade MC’s messed up Connells name along the parade route.

At the end of the parade we were dropped off at Dunkin Donuts and while walking to the festival Rocky says to me that he forgot his pass to get in and I said don’t you have the vendor passes that I had given him and he said he forgot them too ...I thought I am so fucking tired of him. I walked way ahead of him because I needed to see what rain damage had affected our booth from the storm last night but there wasn’t any. Thank goodness. I started putting the site back in order as the others who were at the front of the Parade showed up not long after I did.

 When Rocky finally shows up, he doesn’t do one damn thing to help and acts like he’s the grand high poobah historian and then complains there's no food. With the rest of us engaged with dealing visitors Rocky leaves after about 2 hours never sticking around to shut down the booth. I stayed until 7 this evening,  tearing everything down with Randy Hoffman and Cristi Hebert. I actually had a really nice time but I am sick to death of Rocky who all the media quotes, thinking he’s the all knowing historian then he takes the credit about everything, not even mentioning others who were doing more than him.

Chuck Whyte was so thoughtful at the festival that when he saw I was running on one cylinder he bought me a corn dog ... I was really dizzy several times today, not staying hydrated or eating anything. I think my blood sugars had dropped... my voice gave out like the first day of school after not talking much over the summer....the school teachers know what I mean and poor Cristi Hebert has to grade 100 English papers by Tuesday and then attend East High Graduation... I still say teachers are the noblest people. Besides giving Daniel Cureton the old typewriter that I got from Murray Van Wagoner in 1977 I gave 5 or 6 Gay history books to Randy Hoffman.

I called Mike to come get me and he  took Chuck Whyte home also. It rained a bit on us while we were waiting... I was too tired to care. At home I had to feed my poor hungry critters, carry Harleigh and Buddy down stairs before I could relax. Poor Harleigh I almost fell carrying up because I was pooped. But don’t cry for me Argentina because actually I was doing what I love to do... be around extremely intelligent stimulating thoughtful and caring people. My life is rich... I certainly hope Robert Moolman gets some rest, he looked about how I felt. So much responsibility on his shoulders but he has a lot of capable people assisting him. Liz Pitts pulled off a tremendous Pride Day. I heard there were 10s of thousands there today.

I have not been this completely exhausted in a long time. I feel I have run a 3 day marathon but I was with some of the finest people ever...they were caring and worked their butts off to pull off a great Pride Day. I am so lucky to have met these type of people who are dedicated to making the history project a success. I feel like I have taught for 8 hrs again but hey once a teacher always a teacher... I love people who love history. Now we can kind of decompress.

·         Roy Zhang You are amazing ! Thank you for teaching me , I am proud to call you friend ! ( I also have not been this exhausted in years)

·         Chuck Whyte I was very impressed with your booth , it was both fun and educational .......

·         Cristi Hebert It was a great weekend. We told stories, gave mini-history lessons that were asked for (!) and connected with new people. So many young people engaged and asking. My heart is full...now on to those exams.

·         Bill Poore Have you ever confronted him or maybe tell the head of Pride what he is doing?  I think confronting is the best.   Tell him he is fooling no one. Well it is over and you really have no reason to deal with him again...you are resigning your position correct? Let me take you to lunch this week, what day would be best for you? Maybe after that 12 meeting on Wed?

·         Me- I have been confronting him for 30 years and then he bawls and I end up being the jerk and he gets all the sympathy

 

3 June 2019 Monday

Today would have been my mom's 90th birthday. I had to go shopping for the dogs and myself because there weren’t much in the house and in the evening I had to go buy a furnace filter because it was actually warm today. It was 80 outside and 87 in the house and I couldn’t figure out why the air conditioning hadn’t kicked in but the filter was dirty. I just replaced it a month ago. Other than taking Coco home those were the only times I left the house. I mainly worked on the Romero Family history for Michael’s niece for most of the day accept when I took a long 3 hour nap. When I woke up I had this awful kink in my neck. Also my bottom left molar than I knew was going to have to have work done started hurting last week but have been way too busy to attend to that. Poor Rich Butler’s wife Brenda has pneumonia and he has a really bad brown recluse spider bite on his leg.

It was reported that 60,000 watched the parade yesterday and Rob Moolman said that on Saturday they sold out all the Pride Day tickets they had discounted for the youth. Amazing. No wonder I am tired.

 

4 June 2019 Tuesday

Why am I up? Oh yeah I have two old dogs who need to pee as much as this old dog in the morning, only so far I don’t have to be carried downstairs, yet. Have a bariatric follow up appointment this morning...will get yelled at for not eating right I am sure. You get old you just shrug it off and go back to what you always do or can do.

Finally recovering from Pride Day...I am sure for a lot of people it changed their lives or perspective seeing 60,000 people just attending the Parade alone. My first Pride was in 1986 hidden away in Pioneer Park and if 200 people attended I think I am being overly generous. But it was thrilling to be around so many Gay people and know we had each other’s backs. It was the first time I saw the Saliva Sisters perform and I sold "Whole-wheat Mormon Faggot Cookies" that I made and sold for 50 cents as a fundraiser. I think I made $12 ...whoohoo... I would have made more except transients kept stealing them...lol. I remember Beauchaine having to disarm a drunken transient who had a knife. There were absolutely no police presence or security back then. These Social Justice Warriors who don’t want police at our events because they are triggered can kiss my faggot ass.

            I started to check my email and I see that I had a vine message about Kyle Foote’s parole hearing yesterday. He was approved to go into the cook’s program at Fortitude and so this morning I gathered up all the clothing and bedding he requested in a letter I had from last week.  I went to the Credit Union and switched $60 to $1 bills like Kyle wrote in his letter and then went over to Fortitude on 9^th West just below 17^th South. Kyle wanted me to drop stuff off by 9. However, the guards there said I couldn’t drop anything off until he actually was admitted there.

            So I went on up to my Bariatric appointment up at the University Hospital and in the waiting room I saw Craig Hunter of all people who came back to Utah from Oregon for some doctor appointments. The state insurance that he received when he retired doesn’t cover out of state care so he has to come back to Utah for major stuff. At my 2nd Bariatric check up this morning...everything looked good from the 21 vials they took out of me 2 weeks ago except my calcium and vitamin d is extremely low as well as protein... I am suppose to be taking vitamins twice a day and calcium vitamin D 3 times a day... I don’t. I am suppose to drink 64 oz of water a day. I am lucky if I drink half that and I just don’t eat much so protein is down...otherwise I am in tip top shape.  I had the fear of Jesus put in me however when I was told that I have to be careful because my diabetes could come back if I didn’t control the carbs and sugars. Oh well it was fun while it lasted. I heard also that the Bariatric clinic is actually moving to a new space in Sugar House where I will go for a 6 months check up.

            After living the hospital I went back down to Fortitude and Kyle must have been assigned there now because they allowed me to drop off the things he wanted but I was only allowed to let him have $40 not $60. I also filled out all the forms so I could be his sponsor.

            After that I went to Sutherlands and bought 2 bags of manure and some close out flowers and vegetables. I bought some more pepper plants and some winter squash plants...I already have zucchini producing. Come July I will be knee deep in squash

·         Hi ya Ben! I'm super excited to be out! I think/hope one of these two is your email address, so I'll try you on here. Obviously I was able to log in to the email account you set up for me, so that's good news. I've tried calling you a bunch of times but haven't caught you yet. If you can keep your phone handy for the next few days and answer any call that may come in hopefully one of them will be me. I'm still getting my feet under me here and there's a lot I still don't know...First things first I do know that you can drop off a cell phone for me to use. Once I have that then I can call you or email or Facebook you from that up to twice a day. That will make getting in touch much easier. If you want I can pick out one from Walmart.com and send you a link so you know which one will work in here. After I get a phone we can get in touch and figure out how long it will take to get you approved to sponsor me out. I think you can come for a visit though on Saturday or Sunday if you like before you get approved to pick me up. I won't make this email too long though. Just email me back if you get it and I'll know I've found you. In the mean time I'll try calling you again. All my love, Kyle

·         Yes I know... I am sorry we have had a time connecting. I went down at 9 this morning and they said I couldn't drop anything off until you were there. I had my Bariatric Appointment this morning until noon but afterwards I went down about noon to drop off your things and the money. They only would let me give $40 instead of $60. I also filled out the form for being a sponsor. They asked if I had ever been arrested so I put down 1991 for "trespassing" so I hope that doesn't screw anything up.   I just got off the phone with you so I will bring down a couple of tee shirts and a pair of shoes and I will dig out the phone. This past weekend was Pride and It really wiped me out because besides riding in the parade I staffed our history booth. It was great but really exhausting and felt like I had ran a marathon. I will tell you more about it later. I am very happy for you and now you can make the transition back into life outside of prison. I know it must feel kind of unreal. Always your friend Ben

·         Thanks for everything Ben, it does feel unreal. I'm sure it will take a few days for everything to sink in. There's no rush on dropping of the other stuff. Tomorrow afternoon is probably best since I need to let my boss Jessup know before you drop it off anyway. I'll be able to talk to him about it in the morning and I'll email you as soon as I get the okay from him for you to drop that stuff off. I'll also talk to him about getting you cleared for a visit and the days and times for that this weekend. I'm exhausted though and I have a super early morning tomorrow so I'm going to go to bed soon, but I’ll email you again tomorrow A.M.

·         I found my Samsung android phone and charger...I am charging it tonight. I found a pair of work tennis shoes I think will be what you wanted and packing 4 dark tee shirts for you... hope you get some rest... take care

 

5 June 2019 Wednesday

It took me some running around but I finally got Kyle Foote’s phone activated and his number is 385 881 3976.  I first went and picked up Bill Poore to take him to the noon Gay Men’s lunch as he wanted to take me to lunch afterwards. Bill said he uses Cricket for his carrier and since he needed to have his phone looked at we went there to the Cricket store on 21^st South and 7^th East. They were useless so after some more running around we were getting tired and hungry so we ate at the Dee’s Restaurant on 21^st and 7^th. I just had a senior breakfast but Bill as usual ordered way to much food and then some to go. Ridiculous but he doesn’t eat any more than I do. He paid for it so I don’t know why I should complain. We then went to West Valley’s Fashion Place Mall to the Verizon store there where I was able to get the Samsung Galaxy Prime phone turned on with Verizon as the carrier. The phone I gave Kyle has this  robin blue cover so I could find it easier... and the phone is a basic one because when I got it I only wanted a basic phone. The guy who sold it to me back then said it was the one he had his grandma buy! I said perfect! I only used it about a month before I found my other phone that I thought I had lost so even though it's about 7 years old it’s like brand new. 

The phone plan is basic with mostly talking and texting and using social media once in a while. I added Kyle’s phone to my plan and since I rarely use my phone we should never go over the data. From my understanding my monthly bill even went down having two lines instead of one.

I dropped off the phone and charger and some clothes for Kyle about 3:30 in the afternoon at Fortitude and then took Bill home.  I was running all over with Bill Poore for most of the day and since he’s so deaf I am exhausted from having to talk so loud. I was barely home in time to take Coco home to Mike’s.

 

6 June 2019 Thursday

What an amazing sky this morning as I carried Harleigh and Buddy downstairs. The sky was as pink as can be and I can hear faintly reveille this morning from the national guard ... the filtered light is given everything a pink sheen. Oh what a beautiful morning Oh what a beautiful day.

My central air unit's motor is going out...it won’t turn the fan unless I spray the blades with a jet of water... time to crack open the Savings account...and the heat pump for the hot tub is out... things don’t last for ever... need to get the air conditioner fixed first before the summer heat comes and it will come... any suggestions for repair guys?

Utah Pride Days 2019 was the biggest Pride ever with 125,000 attendees between the parade and the festival according to Rob Moolman! There were 1200 volunteers, which is more than most Pride days had in the 1990’s. From little acorns mighty oaks grow... amazing.  When people ignorantly ask, "why do we have Gay Pride", just reply "Because shame is deadly."

 

7 June 2019 Friday

 I finally called and got someone from Soakers to come out on the 17^th to look at my hot tub to see why it’s not heating but still haven’t gotten anyone to call me back on the central air. So went under the deck this evening and started shoveling, yes shoveling the dirt and leaves that have gathered beneath. Had to do it on my hands and knees and got most of it done.

            At 11 this morning I met up with Teinamarrie Scuderi at the Pride Center for some conference call to a person who wants us to speak next Tuesday about the Gay community. While visiting we talked about our frustration with some people in the Trans Community that are so vocal and complaining but will never do anything themselves. Specifically I was talking about Joni Weiss attack on the Utah Queer Historical Society and her misleading perceptions of what we are doing. When she quit last March she said it was because she was busy with the Trans Community but now she is saying that she quit because we wouldn’t record Trans histories. Not like she has ever lifted a finger to help out. I am really disgusted with her. The Trans once ganged up on Teinamarrie and her husband Chris who is a Transman so she knew what why working with these people is frustrating. I said it’s like they are mad at everyone even each other. Teinamarrie said something I thought was profound by saying that the Trans folk are not a community, they are a population.

 

8 June 2019 Saturday

 I went with Michael Romero to get sod at Sutherlands to lay down in the back of his townhouse that was mostly weeds. We laid down 180 square feet of sod over at Mike's place after I rotor tilled up the soil. I was fine doing the work but Mike was huffing and a puffing not used to being too strenuous these days. We were done by noon and went to Chubby’s where I had a chili rellano with rice and beans. I ate the rice and beans and took the rest home for my supper. Then I came home and mowed my 4 inch tall grass in the front and back. It was getting really long.

·         Hi ya Ben, So I just finished serving biscuits and gravy and in a few minutes I'm going to go put together the crust and filling for 4 big pans of pumpkin pie for dinner. But I wanted to send you a quick hello and good morning. I'm getting more settled in every day and I slept pretty well for the first time last night. I fell asleep around 9:30 last night and slept until about 5:30 this morning. On Saturday we don't serve breakfast until 7 so we can "sleep in" a little compared to weekday service at 6. I went to DI yesterday and picked up a few things but the store was pretty thoroughly picked over so I didn't get as much as I hoped, but oh well. I'm sure Wal-Mart will have the rest of what I need once we get there next week. So we can pretty much pick which day of the week you would like to make my regular "home visit" day. I'm thinking Tuesdays or Wednesdays? Which day would be best for you? It will be every week for up to 10 hours anytime between 7 A.M. and 9 P.M. Just let me know what works best for you... I figure a weekday is best because everything is open and nothing is terribly busy in the middle of the week so we should be able to be more productive. Also since my new phone is an Android and the whole world is ran by Google and I need a Google account to do almost anything in here it seems like. To that end I'm going to switch to a new email account moving forward. My new address is wkylefoote@gmail.com, it's already set up. I'm going to send you an email from there with the handful of items you can order on Amazon.com and send to me here. Once I know you are getting my emails from my new address I'll transfer my Indiana State stuff and transfer everything to my new email and stop using this address. Kyle

·         I spent the morning laying sod over at Michael's this morning from 9 to noon and just finished mowing the front and back the grass was so high. I finally was able to get someone to some out to look at the hot tub on the 17th but still haven't been able to contact anyone about the central air. The motor kicks on but the blades don't turn unless I spray them with water than they start right up. Thank goodness it hasn't been too hot yet but got to get someone in for that soon. Yesterday evening I crawled under the deck to clean up some of piles of dead leaves and basically compost that collects over winter. That was a chore I will finish tomorrow. I am beat today. I rotor tilled the spot that Michael needed grass and then laid down 18 pieces 5 feet by 2 feet. He doesn't know how to do that kind of stuff.      Tuesday might be better than Wednesday unless you like doing to hear old Gay men gab about stuff at the noon lunch ever Wednesday LOL. I never usually have anything on Tuesday unless it’s a doctor appointment once in a while.     It's your phone so get it to work the best you can. Some days at DI are better than others. Target on 3rd West and 15th south usually have sales going on too.     Biscuits and gravy sounds good. I just had a cup of coffee but after laying the sod, Michael took me lunch at Chubby's that Mexican food place near the Rose Park Library. I ate some rice and beans and took the rest of my chili Rellano home.     I bet it was amazing going to DI out on your own without having to look over your shoulder.  You know Carla and Deb used to live just down the block from it.     I hope the sheets and comfortable helps you sleep better even if your bed might not be the greatest. Did you get batteries yet?  If this is from your new account then I am getting it. Enjoy the beautiful day.  I'll see you when I can.

 

·         It's late on Saturday night and I'm going to bed soon. This is not my new email address so you may not be getting the emails from my new address. I sent one with the stuff I can get at Amazon.com, did you get that one? That is from my new address. If you got it just respond to that email so I know you got it. It sounds like you had a very busy day yourself. I didn't think Michael had a big enough yard for sod, but it's been a while since I've been to his place. I made pumpkin pie for 160 hungry men today and they all seemed to enjoy it. One guy told me later that he paid someone $1 for an extra piece.  I can try to look at the central air when I come home, I've learned a few things about heating and air over the past year. Maybe it's an easy fix I can do myself? If you don't get someone soon I'll take a look at it. Does Thursday work for our regular "Home visit" day? Apparently I spoke too soon about Tuesday being an option since that's the day we get our weekly delivery and they need all hands on deck for that so I can't be gone all day on Tuesdays. So if Thursdays work for you we can do that instead. Anyway it's bed time for me, have a good night and I'll write and or call again tomorrow. Make sure to respond to my other email about the Amazon stuff so I know you got it, if you didn't then let me know here and I'll re-send it. I'll see you soon!

·         Thursday work just fine also... I haven't looked in my Google mail account... I rarely use it but it should have come to this Yahoo one but it hadn't yet. I will check this morning. I have to go out to Daybreak at noon

 

9 June 2019 Sunday

 Michael Romero came over about 11:30 for us to go to Daybreak to help TJ Otaka and Jim McMullin put together their ping pong table. It turned out to be more daunting them it first appeared. I didn’t help much but just watched Coco. . I mainly watched Jim and Mike Romero wrestle with putting a ping pong table together. Mike and Jim did all the figuring out what pieces went where but at 5 it still wasn’t put altogether so we said we’d come out next Sunday to finish. Jim and Michael were tired . We had a nice lunch that T.J. Otaka made of Marsala Chicken and a carrot cake. I brought out some banana bread I made yesterday. It was almost 6 before I was home to feed the dogs.  Today is my sister Charline’s 72 birthday. Amazing how old we are getting.

There's a movement by a vocal element who want to ban even LGBT police from our celebrations because they are "triggered" but I am more worried about are adversaries who actually have their fingers on a trigger... if people don’t feel safe with police marching in our parades well I don’t feel safe without them in this era of trumpism fascism. My safety is more important than their agendas I would think.

These computers don't seem to work well with yahoo.com so I haven't been able to check that account yet. Hopefully you'll get this email with my weekly schedule. This is what they approved for my regular schedule... hopefully it works for you. Obviously if something comes up that I need to do outside of these times we can schedule, but this will be my regular schedule. As you can see the main days I'll need you to pick me up each week are Mondays for shopping and Thursdays for my "home visit". You can pick me up and take me to the library on the other days, but it's so close I think I'll just jog there. This gives me 3 days a week to do research and online assignments/homework for my online classes and such.

·         Here's my schedule: Mondays, 0800 - 1200: Weekly Shopping Trip. This is the day and time I can go to the store, get a haircut, pick up prescriptions, go to the dentist and such. Tuesdays: At Fortitude all day - no appointments Wednesdays, 0800 - 1200: Glendale Library / Red Box Thursdays, 0800 - 1800: Weekly Home Visit. This is the day where we can pretty much go anywhere we like such as home or to the movies or shopping or to the DMV or whatever. Fridays, 0800 - 1200: Glendale Library / Red Box Saturdays, 0800 - 1200: Glendale Library / Red Box Sundays: At Fortitude all day - no appointments. I have to turn in my weekly schedule every Sunday for the upcoming week with the exact details of what I'll be doing, but the days and times will be the same each week. I am putting in for a home visit with you this week on Thursday, but I'll only be able to do it if you are approved by then as my sponsor. If you haven't been approved then you can't pick me up and drive me around. So this week we'll play things by ear. Anyway, I hope you get this email and you're doing well. I'll write or call again as soon as I can. Just respond to this to let me know you're getting it. Love, Kyle

 

10 June 2019 Monday

I was up at 3:30 this morning. I just couldn’t sleep so instead of just laying and tossing and turning I got up decided to finish up the biography on Michael Romero’s grandparents Modesto and Mary Moncallo Romero for his niece. I worked on it until 8 when I had a surprise call from Kyle Foote saying he was walking over to Wal Mart on 13^th South and 3rd  West and he asked if I wanted to meet him there. So I hurried and got dressed and drove down there. Because I’ve not been approved to be his sponsor yet he could not be in the car with me but has to walk everywhere and then once there call Fortitude to let them know where he was. It was the first time he’s been to Wal-Mart in 8 years or out shopping for that matter.

            He needed a back pack, some toiletries, a pair of cargo shorts and some snack items. It seemed so strange to actually be with him outside of prison.  He wanted to go to Target just up the street so he walked there while I drove. We were looking for some work shoes but Target didn’t carry any so we bought some other items he needed than went to Loco Pollo at 10. I hadn’t had any breakfast and he only ate something light so we had chicken burritos when they opened. It was the first real sit down meal he’s had since before going to prison.

            He had to be back at Fortitude by noon to help serve lunch so he left with his backpack and I went back to the house. He seemed happy to be out walking and carrying his backpack like a happy wanderer.  We figured why I wasn’t getting his Gmail’s as they were going to my spam folder.

            Back at the house, I read his emails about what his schedule is like and that he wanted me to order for him several things from Amazon that could be delivered to Fortitude so I did.

            After that I just stayed in and finished up Modesto’s story to send off to Ana Romero. I just have to do Bill and Faye’s life story and I will be done and I can go back to my own writings.

            It was cool this morning but warmed up to the mid 70’s and the house started to warm up as I had turned the central air off until I can get the fan blades fixed so I brought up a box fan I had from down stairs to run by my computer desk.

            School must be out for the summer as I don’t see any cars over at the junior high.

·         Good morning Ben! I think they're going to let me go to Wal-mart this morning around 8 A.M. You are not allowed to pick me up and drive me there and back since you're not approved yet as my sponsor, but I can meet you there if you're available. I am scheduled to be out from 8 - 12 today for "shopping". I can't access my yahoo email account anymore on these center computers. Anything you sent or responded to that went to my kylefoote1079@yahoo.com account I can't access or read at all. I really hope you're getting these Gmail emails from me. If you are please just write a quick email to wkylefoote@gmail.com so I know you are seeing the emails I am sending. Hopefully you're available this morning and I get to see you. I'll try calling you as well if you're phone is up and running or you can call me on my cell anytime after 8 this morning as I'll be walking to the store. Kyle

·         Thanks for everything! Thank you for helping me shop today and for ordering all of that stuff from Amazon for me. I'll let staff know it's on its way. You have been a huge help for these past 7 and a half years and I'm grateful to have a friend like you. After I got back I went right to work serving lunch and then made lasagna for 160 hungry men. I think it turned out really good. I just pulled it out of the oven a few minutes ago and I'm letting it sit for a while to congeal together before we serve it at 5 tonight.  I'm glad you got my schedule, just make a not that all of the times except for our home visits will be moved up by 15 minutes. So I'll check out at 7:45 and return at 11:45 instead of 8-12. That way I can be back in plenty of time to help serve lunch every day. My next day out will be to the library this coming Wednesday. Thanks again for everything and I'll let you know by Wednesday night if my home visit is approved for this Thursday. All my love, Kyle

 

11 June 2019 Tuesday

I had to go give a brief history of the community to some marketing group called AdRoll with Teinamarrie Scuderi at noon at the Gateway downtown it was close by.  I think it's for their "Diversity" program. I had no idea what they do but since Teinamarrie asked me a while ago I said sure. Hey it’s a free lunch even though I just had water. I found easy parking in from f their building at 2^nd South and was there at 12 and Tienna and d I spoke. She related how she became involved as an Ally in the Gay community through her work in the Utah AIDS Foundation and I spoke about the history of our community. Times sure have changed... this is not a LGBT company but they were celebrating June as Pride Month and their office was all decked out with rainbow balloons like it was a Pride Parade... the people there were so friendly but young...every time Teina would ask "how many of you know the AIDS quilt, or Harvey Milk, or Quiet Heroes" only 1 or 2 hands would go up... so it was a teaching moment...Teinamarie Scuderi is the best Ally this community ever had.

·         Amazing time with my favorite adoptive Gay Uncle Benedgar Williams at AdRoll. We were invited to speak about Utah LGBTQ+ history and being a long term Ally. I always learn something new every time I chat with him. Bonus Swag! Ben and I are ready to take our show on the road!

·         Hi ya Ben, Well my tacos were a hit tonight. So far everybody seems to enjoy my cooking. My boss Jessup has a big sweet tooth so I've redoubled my baking efforts. I made a banana bread yesterday, which did not turn out well. But I made a pumpkin bread today that Jessup really liked.  As of today he still wasn't sure if you would be approved in time for a Thursday "home visit". We will have to play that by ear. I will know by no later than 6pm tomorrow if it's a go or not. If not I'll find something else to do. So I'm scheduled to be out from 7:45 until 11:45 tomorrow morning. My plan was to go to the library all morning, but unfortunately the library doesn't open until 10am. So now I have to re-think my plans for where exactly I'll be doing my homework. I did put in a request today for permission to go to the rec center just down the road. If I’m approved for that then I can go there for an hour 3 or 4 days a week. I'll find out if I'm approved for that in the next day or two. So I will have to figure out something to do from 7:45 until the library opens at 10 tomorrow. Anyway, I just wanted to send you a quick email with an update and let you know I'm thinking of you and grateful for your love, friendship and support. Kyle

·         Well that is a bummer about the library but maybe you can stock up on movies and books. I didn't hold a lot a hope that I'd be approved so soon. I spoke at a company's Pride meeting at Adroll this afternoon. It got pretty warm today and I think I will just have to have someone come look at central air... I can't have the hounds suffer in a warm house. I have a doctor's appointment on 21st South at the Redwood Clinic tomorrow at 830 then Bill wants to go to lunch... next Monday I won’t be able to see you as I have my hot tub guy coming at 9 that morning. I scheduled him a couple of weeks ago.  I did some rotor tilling today so kind of tired ... I also cranked out my Lambda Lore column this morning... well I know you are busy so I will see you when I can... practice on the banana bread it's easy just cream the bananas into the sugar first ... I wonder if not using a pinch of baking soda changes things... any way I am sure the guys appreciate having someone there who knows how to cook...

 

12 June 2019 Wednesday

I had a wellness check up at the doctors this morning at 8:30. Stoneburner was impressed how much better I am. He said I was a medical mess before LOL. So far so good. So everything is fine so far. He recommended I get a Shingles Shot so I did but my co pay was $150. That hurt more than the shot LOL. Although my arm got sorer and sorer as the day went on. Well it's better than getting shingles.

So Bill Poore invited me to lunch and I am thinking someplace usual when he suggested Ruth's Dinner in Emigration Canyon. I have never eaten there before so I say sure. Come to find out he just wanted to go to Ruth's because he had been thinking a lot about Emigration Canyon. He talked about the pictures of Ruth so much I said it sounded like he was in love. Anyway I can see that the prices are steep when biscuits and gravy alone is $9 but the scenery was pretty even though we sat inside with all the old ladies.

I asked him what he was having and he said a Hot Roast Beef Sandwich and I said that wasn't on the menu and he said oh they will fix it if you ask and I say no they won’t if there is no other beef items on the menu. When he used to cater Hollywood parties he once told me he hated Jacqueline Susann for ordering off the menu and here he was doing the same. LOL When he asked if he could have a hot roast beef sandwich of course the sweet waitress had to say they didn't serve it. I think Bill was pissed that I was right but I used to be a cook and he only a waiter.

The food was good but I wouldn't say excellent. I think you are paying for the shady location. I had a Reuben Sandwich and ate only half of it. They had no soup or a seniors menu so I took mine home as did Bill his Eggs Benedict. .

After Ruth's Dinner I wanted to go to Lowe's to buy some box fans to help cool down the house until I can get someone to fix my central air. I can’t have the pups get over heated.

Well Bill Poore wanted to come along because he needed to buy something but once there he couldn't remember what it was. So I get two box fans and while at the checkout Bill asked the Cashier are you my neighbor? Even though the guy gave no sign of recognition Bill plods on talking about a neighbor down the street having all these cats.

They guy says he doesn't live near Liberty Park but his sister does. Then Bill says maybe she the crazy cat lady with 31 cats that lives by him! I turn to Bill and say it’s not nice to call his sister a crazy cat lady.

A transaction that should have taken 5 minutes turned in a 15 minutes bewildering conversation of cats. It's always an adventure with Bill... almost like that proverbial box of chocolates... you never know what you are going to get when your friend was in show business. CATS Now and Forever.

I got an email from Kyle this evening saying that I had been approved to be a sponsor so He can come home tomorrow. So I had to sweep, vacuum, and mop & wash Buddy’s and Harleigh’s butts but not necessarily in that order. LOL I wanted a fairly clean house for Kyle’s first visit to the house in over 8 years.

This woman named Sara Peterson wants to meet with me at the Pride Center on the 19^th next week at 2 to be interviewed about early Affirmation days.

·         Kyle Foote Hi ya Ben, So I just got the good news. You're now officially approved as my sponsor. You can go ahead and pick me up at 8 A.M. tomorrow and I can be out with you until 6 P.M. tomorrow night. You have to come in and sign me out somehow so I suggest you get here a little before 8 A.M. since it's your first time signing me out.  I'm so excited to see Buddy and the other pups and to see the house. Like I explained we can pretty much go and do anything I just need to report in a few times throughout the day. I'll check my email again first thing in the morning just in case you have any questions or issues with picking me up tomorrow. Otherwise I'll see you in the morning for my first "home visit" Love, Kyle P.S. I got a bunch of stuff today from Amazon today including the hoodie, mp3 player, clock radio, reading light and battery back-up. The only thing outstanding I think is the microSD card which is scheduled for delivery tomorrow I think.

·         Dear Ben, I am writing to introduce myself and to request your help if you are able. I teach at Hanover College in Indiana. My fields of research are Religious Studies and Gender Studies. Some of my research has focused on the construction of masculinity within Mormonism, particularly from 1890-1920, but I'm now extending that work into the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. As a separate project, a student of mine (Josh Smith) and I would like to conduct oral history interviews with current and past members of Affirmation. One goal would be to gather the oral histories and place them in an archive at an academic library so that interested scholars could use them for their research. As a second goal, we would also like to write about the history of Affirmation through the lens of individual members' experiences. We would love to interview you as part of the project. Is that something you would be willing to do? We would like to have a rich and diverse collection of interviews--Connell suggested you were just such a person for our interview collection! We are currently in Utah and will be attending the Affirmation conference. We could meet any time before the conference. I'll suggest June 17th (Mon) or 19th (Wed), but if another date is better we can do that. We'll work around your schedule. Please let me know if you have any questions, any advice, etc. All the best, Sara

 

13 June 2019 Thursday

What a surreal day for both Kyle and I today. I was down at Fortitude by 7:45 this morning and at first they said the paper work to release Kyle to me hadn’t been entered but since it had been approved I was able to take him home. It was kind of a Rip Van Winkle experience for him. So much had changed but because little has really changed at my house it also seemed very familiar to him. He especially wanted to see Buddy and Coco because they were the only dogs he knew from the time before. Of course all the pups greeted him to say hi. After a taking him downstairs so he could look at some of the clothes I had saved for him, and his looking at my air condition unit we went off to Centerville’s Wal-Mart to do some more shopping. He said everything is so much cheaper than having to go through the commissary.

            We also stopped at Lowe’s to get a small shop vac to clean out all the garbage that had accumulated in the central air.  Back at the house I took Kyle to lunch at Chubby’s and we both ordered the cheese enchiladas. It was the first time he’s eaten at a restaurant in 8 years.

            Returning home Kyle went and took the Air conditioning Unit apart and vacuumed it out. Kyle could tell that we had to call Whipple Plumbing and Air and they said they could come out today which surprised us.

            I gave Kyle an old lap top I don’t use anymore and he worked on it making a spread sheet for his volunteers in the Fortitude kitchen. I think it made him happy to be using his mind again.

            At 2 Bill Jones from Whipple came over and after looking at the unit said the fan motor compressor needed replacing so that was why the blades wouldn’t turn. Then he looked at my furnace and Kyle and he both agreed it was seriously in need of a cleaning as it was very dirty inside. I agreed to pay to have someone come out and clean it and also blow all by air ducts out that have never been done.  It will be about $1300 to have all that done but cheaper than replacing the furnace.  I was grateful to have Kyle with me while all this was being done because it’s just something I am not very good at.

            Surprisingly there was a letter in the mail today addressed to me from Craig Crawford but actually for Kyle. Kyle said something I hadn’t thought about before when he said he was so grateful to see the pups and be at the house. He said that in prison nothing is soft. Everything metal, concrete or hard substances and even something so simple as petting a dog means so much

Who knew you were suppose to have you furnace cleaned every so often and changing a filter is not enough lol? My central air is working but the blower in the furnace is so dirty that I have to have people come and blow my ducts and clean my furnace too... the joy of home ownership but less than what some are paying in rent ... at least I will have cool pups for the long hot summer that's a head of us.

I watched a couple of episodes of Netflix’s newest Tales of the City before going to be. It’s hard to relate to the “Queer” community of today. I think I am making the right call to resign from the historical society.

I graduated from high school 50 years ago today. It was a Friday the 13th and while waiting in line to go up to be handed our diplomas we had to write our names on a slip for them to announce as we walked up... I joked with my classmates that they didn't know who we were so I wrote on the slip of paper "Edgar Beauregard Williams" and that was what read to the puzzlement of my parents, grandparents, other relatives to

Who had come see the first boy in the family graduate from high school. Even then I was a rebel and knew they just wanted me to be a clog in the war machine... that evening instead of going to an All Night lockdown at Disneyland, John Cunningham and I went out for pizza, took in a movie and spent much of the night walking on the Huntington Beach Pier... so romantic ... for me at least... I was with the boy I loved even if he didn't know it nor anyone else. Within 2 weeks there was the Stonewall Riot a continent away and my life would change forever...

·         I'm so glad we got the AC working again and the cleaning scheduled. Clearly it needed it more than we knew. Next week, maybe Monday morning while the hot tub guy is there, I'll get up on the roof and do the gutters and check the roof. It's going to take some getting used to me being out and home, but I'm really glad to have you in my corner. Your friendship and support are so much more than I could ever have hoped for. I'll see you again soon. All my love, Kyle

·         I hope no one gave you too much grief all your treasures you brought home today... I appreciate you looking at the air conditioning... I worry so much about the critters comfort and I know they can't sweat like we can... I have three dogs curled up with me on couch very tired... it was an exciting day for them too. The hot tub guy is coming at 9 and not sure how long he will take. I know you have to be back at 11:45... we had a lot of thunder and lightning tonight ... sure scared TJ...  I know it will take some time adjusting for you being out and I hope you know you have a home with me as long as you need one... get some rest  Ben

 

14 June 2019  Friday

I went down to the Glendale Library this morning at 10 because I knew Kyle would be there. I wanted to drop off the Hillary Clinton hat I had that he wanted to wear around a guy who has a MAGA hat. I also brought him a bottle of nutmeg spice he wanted. I didn’t stay long after the library opened so he could do his thing.

            I stopped by the Dog Park and made an appointment to get Buddy groomed this coming Thursday at 9. Next week is going to be busy. Sunday Mike Romero and I are going back to Daybreak to help TJ and Jim get their ping pong table finished.  

Monday I have the hot tub guy at 9 in the morning to fix the hot tub and an eye examination at 2 at the Moran Eye Clinic...Tuesday I have Whipple coming back out to clean the furnace and Wednesday some University person from Indiana wants to interview me about early Affirmation days at 2, after the men's lunch at the Center, and Thursday I am taking Buddy in to get groomed at 9.

Rich Butler came by in the afternoon to visit and give me some wildflower seeds he brought home from Oregon. We had a good visit and I think he just needed to get out of the house going stir crazy after being holed up with that awful hobo spider bite for nearly two weeks.

·         Hello Ben, As Teinamarrie mentioned, I'm working on adapting the documentary Quiet Heroes into a narrative feature film. The Utah Stonewall Historical Society  Archives have been really helpful as I've been writing the outline/treatment for the film. Your accounts are so moving and have made a lasting impression. If you'd be willing, I would love to gain some perspective and context about what it was like at that time and how the lessons of the past can inform the present. I'm truly humbled by the courageous and selfless people -- like Kristen and Maggie -- but many others as well, who I've been introduced to through this project. Would you be open to chatting with me? My schedule is flexible, so I'll work around yours. Best, Jo JOSEPHINE AGRICOLA Consulting Writer VAVANI Productions

·         I am retired and so my schedule is pretty Flexible too... Thursdays are the only days that are not good for me as I have a friend who comes stays will me that day so I like to be home... I have some written material that I did for a presentation I did for the Utah State Historical Society about 15 years ago on the early response to the AIDS epidemic...are you in contact with Dr. Patty Reagan? She founded the SL AIDS foundation in 1985 which was the precursor to the UAF... Ken Vendoia of KUER did a documentary on David Sharpton called Remembering David in 1993...David founded the PWAC and ACT UP here in Utah ... I made the first AIDS Quilt panel in Utah in 1988 ... I was never directly involve in AIDS organizations but was involved in community building and I was friends with David and Ben Barr who would call me and use me as a sounding board with their frustrations ... Becky Moss and I did a weekly program called Concerning Gays and Lesbians for KRCL for several years interviewing most activists from back then...her sister was Peggy Tingey who along with her nephew died of AIDS. Peggy was one of the Plaintiffs with Cindy who sued the state for invalidated marriages of people with AIDS... too me Kristen Ries and Maggie Snyder are more than Quiet Heroes they are Quiet Saints with no lesser station in heaven than Angel's

 

15 June 2019 Saturday

I was up early about 6:00 and made a batch of Cinnamon rolls that I made dough for last night when I thought Brunch was for today. Since there was no brunch today for the Queer Historical Society after all because it was switch for tomorrow I let Kyle know I could spend the morning with him. I went down to 9^th West and he was already out walking by Jordan Park when I picked him up. I brought him home and he helped me clean pout the storage shed in preparation of someone coming to get it eventually. They took a while as it was filled with cobwebs, and cotton from the trees and really dusty. It’s time for it to go. He wanted to work on a spread sheet for a schedule for work but the lap top computer I let him use was updating slowly so He just wanted me to take him back down to Glendale Library so he could work on it there. He had to be back at Fortitude by noon anyway.

            In the afternoon Mike Romero and I went to Chubby’s for lunch and then down to Lowe’s to buy six bags of mulch he wants to put in his yard. They were having a Father’s Day sale and it was crazy. We also stopped at Wal-Mart to buy some more of that Omega 3 nut mix that is so tasty.  I sent home with Michael a plate of cinnamon rolls.

            I posted on FB a video of my front yard. A walk through my front yard in the middle of June...all my irises have faded away but day lilies are starting to bud... I planted so I have color for 3 of our 4 seasons... Winter of course is white... I try to have a natural look so hard to see the weeds within the flowers... the smells are nice too because all my honeysuckle are in bloom...even at my age I will bite the ends off and suck out the nectar like when a kid

 

16 June 2019 Sunday Father’s Day

Happy Birthday to my Grandma Johnson who I really miss ... ornery and independent and a McLeod. Born in Oklahoma Territory 16 June 1899 as a twin.  I was up early to make a Pineapple upside down cake from scratch to bring over to T.J . Otaka and Jim McMullin’s today.  Mike and I said we’d go back over and finish putting the ping pong table together for them and T.J. ordered pizza and had bought Mike a cheesecake for his birthday and a bottle of wine.  Jim and Mike managed to get it put together so it would fold up and now they can play. Jim’s Parkinson’s is getting worse you can tell but we are all heading down to some ailment that will carry us away some day.  We had a nice time but I was ready to go home since I had been up since 5:30.

            The Randy Hoffman’s Historical Society’s brunch was held today but I doubt if any one came as that Daniel Cureton, Roy Zhang, and I bailed and Cristi is down in Arizona. I have pretty well made up my mind to resign from the Queer Historical Society and just concentrate on my Stonewall one and my writings. I am too old and tired to fight the Trans assimilating and appropriating all of the achievements of early Gay history.  Netflix has an updated version of Tales of the City with young Queer characters that I totally do not relate to nor would they to me.

 

17 June 2019 Monday

I went down and picked Kyle Foote up this morning to bring him home. My hot tub man from Soakers came and said my unit is fried so he’s coming out tomorrow to put a new unit in... things wear out... I use my hot tub for therapy more than for partying so it's worth it to me to pay the expense. The repair is what some people have to pay for a month rent in these new apartments so it's all relative...I already had my furnace guy scheduled for tomorrow so that's another expense... so tomorrow will be an expensive day but... while I am not rich I can afford it and I don’t travel or going on cruises. I am grateful in my old age my wants are few and my pleasures affordable.

The lap top computer Kyle’s been using was updating so he wanted to just go to Smith’s to buy a few things to take back to Fortitude. He can only be out until noon.

Then Bill Poore came over to see the pups and to buy me lunch. We went to China Delight down on North Temple and Redwood. I hadn’t eaten there since I went with Lavon years ago. Bill really like the pot stickers. I just had the teriyaki chicken and could barely eat that.

In the evening this guy named Steven Wood came over about 7 to look at the shed. He took a bunch of measurements and is going home to see if he can get it to fit the spot he wants. It sounds like he will take it. He's kind of a butch hippy granola guy, ginger hair tied in the back... very friendly... gave me some starter plants.

Director Franco Zeffirelli died yesterday. My favorite film Romeo and Juliette. Sylvia Miles died a few days ago, actress and premier NYC party goer, and today Gloria Vanderbilt passed away...for you youngsters that's Anderson Coopers mom

 

18 June 2019 Tuesday

Busy but expensive day but my house is nice and cool and my hot tub is nice and hot. The hot tub repair man spent two hours below my deck swapping out the motor and also replacing the heat pump. He said to just watch out for any leaks in the main valve over time but everything else was brand new. He even put in some new jet nozzles. The old ones were too brittle to use and the tabs that held them in place were broken. All in all that was $1500. While he was working on that, the guy from Whipple came out and cleaned my furnace completely and we set up a time for July 11^th for to have the ducts and vents cleaned between 9 and noon. . That was another $800. Because I wasn’t sure how much money I had in my checking account due to I’ve been spending more money lately I used my Visa Credit card for the first time since getting it from American First. I usually just use a debit card for everything.

Bill Poore said he wants to take Kyle and I out to lunch on Thursday... He wants to met him do badly.

Anyway, I am worn out with having two service guys over this morning and Mike Romero was over cleaning out his camping trailer. I went over to his place while he ate lunch and rotor tilled a small spot in front of his house. Then home it was nap time. And also soaked my old bones in the afternoon. I was surprised that the tub heated up so quickly. It felt heavenly.

In the evening at 6 I went back over to Mike's to lay down some mulch in his bed beneath his Rose of Sharon Bushes and in front of the house. I laid down 6 bags of mulch to keep weeds down but it was a nice day to be out. I guess I am buttering up Mike to tell him that Kyle is out of Prison and coming over to the house.

 

19 June 2019 Wednesday

I work up at 1 in the morning from mosquito bites and decided to just check my Samsung Tablet and Doug Murri sent me a link to a PBS documentary on playwright Terrance McNally that I watched until nearly 2:30. So this morning I am kind of out of it especially since Buddy wanted to go down stairs at 5:30. I went and had a hair cut this morning. I needed a beard trim more than anything.  I went and met Kyle up this morning. One of the things we did was go to the DMV at the Fairgrounds where Kyle was able to take the written test and get a temporary license. It’s not good however until he takes the driving test. Then we went to the Glendale Library before he had to be back  by noon.

            I went to the Men’s noon sack lunch where only a few were attending but did visiting with TJ and Jim. I told Brandon Devlin that I was resigning from the Historical Society because of Joni Weiss criticism of the lack of Bi and Trans representation when they do nothing to be involved. I had to stick around because I was interviewed by Sara Patterson and Josh Smith from Hanover College in Indiana today at 2 in the afternoon. Sarah's fields of research are Religious Studies and Gender Studies. Some of her research has focused on the construction of masculinity within Mormonism, particularly from 1890-1920.  As a separate project, a student of hers Josh Smith and she conducted an oral history interview with me being a past members of Wasatch Affirmation. One goal of theirs is to gather the oral histories and place them in an archive at an academic library so that interested scholars could use them for their research. As a second goal, they also wanted to write about the history of Affirmation through the lens of individual members' experiences. As a founding member of Wasatch Affirmation in 1986 I had a lot to say... 2 and half hours worth lol... warts and all.

                        In the evening I watched Married to the Mob which I hadn’t seen in a long time. It’s still one of my favorite romantic comedies.

            In the News the Trumphiles are beating the drums of war with Iran.

 

20 June 2019 Thursday

Today was Kyle’s day to spend all day away from Fortitude. I picked him up at 8 this morning and we got a lot accomplished today. I had to take Buddy down to be groomed at the Dog Park at 9 then we went to the Post Office so Kyle could have a change of address done so he can get mail delivered at the house. Then we went to Costco so he can get an eye examination, He needed new glasses because the transition lens one I bought him a couple of years ago got scratched. Now that he’s on Medicare his examination only cost $4. We then drove into Bountiful to go to America’s Best to get frames but the one we had gone to for years was closed up. So we went to Verizon and upgraded our phone plan from 2 gigs to 4 gigs because we were going to go over our data plan. Then we stopped at Eye Glass World on 5^th West in Bountiful where I bought  a new pair of Transition lenses and a prescription sunglasses.

            From there we went to the Deseret Gym in Sugar House so Kyle could look for some clothes. He doesn’t care for the DI at Welfare Square because he has anxiety going there because of the inmates that get vouchers there.

            We met Bill Poore at Charlie Chows downtown so Bill could meet Kyle at last. It

was the first Chinese meal he’s had in years and years. I think Bill was surprised and thought Kyle would be more harden looking for being in Prison these past 8 years. Bill wanted to buy Kyle something and since he needed a wallet and Bill needed a belt we went to Smith’s Marketplace. Bill is getting so absent minded that he had forgotten how to get to Smith’s even though we use to meet in the parking lot whenever we went on trips together.

            Anyway at Smith’s Bill found a belt and he bought Kyle a shirt and wallet. Then e went back to the house and watched “Call Me By Your Name”. It was then nearly time to go back to Fortitude by then. I had to check him in at 6.

            When I came home I saw that Mike Romero had taken his camper and I guess went to the camp ground at Coalville.

 

21 June 2019 Friday

First Day of Summer and it’s only about 65 degrees this longest day of the year... tomorrow the days begin to get shorter. Today is Michael Romero’s 63^rd birthday. After such a busy day yesterday it feels good to just be home and relax. I am doing research on Michael’s mother’s mother’s mother, Mary Antonia Lewis. It’s relaxing for me. I watch Tom Hank’s The Burbs and Dante’s Peak tonight on Hulu.

 

22 June 2019 Saturday

I picked my first squash for the summer. My friends and neighbors are going to get sick of squash if I am already harvesting some.  I needed a break from the computer so I went into town to meet Kyle at Dunkin’s Donuts at 11:15 this morning. He had been out walking and took trax to the downtown library but I said I’s pick him up and take him back to Fortitude so he would not be late.

            After leaving him I went grocery shopping on then to Deseret Gym where I bought some more clothes. I am wearing a size 36 inch waist now. I watched Independence Day on Hulu tonight and another episode of The Handmaid Tale before going to bed.

Judy Garland died 50 years ago today...it’s sad she is being erased from the Stonewall narrative. 20,000 people stood in line to view her yellow rose draped coffin and flags were flown at half mast on Fire Island, the Gay Resort. We were all Friends of Dorothy back then...

 

23 June 2019 Sunday

I was up early this morning to write out the agenda for the Utah Queer Historical Society.  It will be my last official responsibility as chair since I am resigning today. I made some cupcakes to bring because Randy Hoffman is also leaving to accept a teaching position in Tennessee. I mowed the front and back yard and trimmed around the flower box  this morning also.

            I went down to the Pride Center at noon but the place was locked up. So just waited around for someone to unlock the place but no one did. Roy Zhang and Daniel Cureton showed up and so did Charles Bigo and Richard Harmston. But everyone else was late so we didn’t start until nearly 1:30.  As a last item of business I resigned as Chair of the Historical Society. We only serve for a 6 month term anyway. I said I would still be available if anyone needed help on a project but I wanted to concentrate on other things now like my old Utah Stonewall Historical Society.  So that chapter is done. The hullabaloo by the Trans was the last straw for me.

 

24 June 2019 Monday

Kyle needed me to go pick him up this morning to do some shopping. Going on I 215 this jack ass in a pickup truck almost ran me off the road rather than let me merge onto the freeway. Not a great way to start the morning. We went to Wal-Mart to pick up some snacks and then he wanted to go to the Social Security Office to have a new card sent to the house. We got there early so there wasn’t much of a wait. Then we went over to Vital Records on North Temple where he picked up a copy of his birth certificate. Those were the two things he really wanted to accomplish. We also went to the Verizon store by Costco because Kyle had some questions about his phone, then went to Pollo Loco for an early lunch or late breakfast before taking him back to Fortitude. We accomplished a lot and I was really tired from not getting a lot of rest last night.

            Kyle texted this Steven Wood guy who is still interested in taking the shed off my hands.  I was really tired tonight and after finally finishing up Michael’s genealogy I sent it off to his niece Ana Romero. Bill and Faye Romero were so good to me I wanted to show my appreciation by having their memories preserved for their descendants.

Wow I just found my LDS Patriarchal Blessing I thought I had tossed out years ago. I was going through old letters I had saved from the 1970's and found one I had addressed to my mom and dad. In it was a copy of the blessing I was given May 19, 1974 while a member of the BYU 8th Stake in Provo. Reed H Bradford was the Patriarch. What a life time ago that was. Nice to know I am of the Tribe of Ephraim and an Israelite. All this time I thought I was Irish. Says I will live a long time on the Earth and will be a father. It's kind of generic, he probably said the same to everyone else

 

25 June 2019 Tuesday

Today my sister Donna turned 70 years old and we are like strangers to one another. It’s not that we are mad at each other but we have just lost contact with our lives. She doesn’t have any social media accounts and to ever talk to her I’d have to call her at her work. The last time I saw Donna was at Mom’s burial in 2011 and the last time we talked I think was when Charline needed us to sign Mom’s house over to her and I sent Donna $5000 to kind of placate her so not to cause any friction. Rightfully the house should have been remortgaged and with Donna and I receiving 2/3’s but Charline actually needs it more than either Donna or I do. We each had our own home and all Charline is living on is her and Dennis’ Social Security. Makes me kind of sad that Donna still hasn’t retired not that she couldn’t but she doesn’t want to be home with Ken and her son Kevin and she won’t divorce Ken or he’d take half of everything she has worked for because of California’s community property laws when he’s never done anything to support her or even kept the house up.  Well she made that choice to stay with him through all these years. I know her son Ken Jones is completely estranged from his father. Otherwise I know little about her family except she has two grandchildren Deidre and Kenny Jones.

            I finally finished the Family History I wanted to give to Mike Romero’s niece Ana Romero. I just had to finish up Nora Trejo’s mother’s side of the family who were early Hispano settlers of San Luis Valley Colorado and American soldiers who fought in the Mexican American War and the Civil War. I learned a lot of history doing this research.

I think it's time for Bill Poore and me to take a road trip. I was thinking about how much I love the taquitos I used to get on Alvera Street in Los Angeles and I found this recipe that is suppose to mimic the avocado sauce Cielito Lindo’s uses.

I made a batch of banana bread and some oatmeal cookies before going to bed.

CIELITO LINDO'S AVOCADO SAUCE

Recipe in our California Cookbook

20 minutes. Makes about 1 quart sauce

1 quart water

3 to 4 fresh yellow chilies (chile güero)

2 cloves garlic

6 tomatillos, husks removed and coarsely chopped

Leaves from 1 bunch cilantro, coarsely chopped

1 avocado, coarsely chopped

¾ teaspoon salt, or to taste

1. In a heavy-bottom saucepan, combine the water, chilies, garlic, tomatillos and cilantro. Bring the mixture to a simmer, loosely cover, and cook until the chilies and tomatillos are softened, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat.

2. Drain, reserving the water, and place the ingredients into a blender. Add the avocado and salt. Carefully blend at low speed, adding water as needed, until the mixture is pureed to form a thin sauce. Taste and adjust the seasoning if desired. The sauce will keep, covered and refrigerated, up to one week.

 

26 June 2019 Wednesday

I even took a narcotic pain pill Norco last night which I never do unless I am really hurting. I was up for much of the night with a bad toothache. It’s the one they warned me I might need a root canal. When Centerville Dentist opened at noon I was right there. At first I just was going to have them yank the bad molar rather than have the expense of a crown. Even having a tooth pulled is no fun. When I had my X-rays done it was not good and the Dentist said I could have it yanked but it would be within my smile line. I thought it was a back molar but it wasn’t. There was a big difference in the cost between having a crown and root canal but I decided to try and save the tooth after the cost was reduced from $1700 to $1100 which was still super expensive for a tooth. My cremation and funeral arrangements were cheaper than having a crown and root canal done... when you have no insurance.  When you are in pain you do what you do to try and stop it.

I did not plan today to spend 3 hours having a root canal and crown done at the Dentist today but that’s what I did . I am exhausted from it.  I had Mike come pick up Coco because I was too out of it to drive.

For supper I tried eating something fairly soft like shrimp but chewing sent a sharp pain and I couldn’t even chew. Since I hadn’t eaten all day I tried to have some can soup I had in the house.

Today National Sodomy Laws were over turned by the Supreme Court in 2003. While Marriage Equality is essential for our Civil Rights it will never affect me as I never plan on getting married but Sodomy is something I dabbled in once upon a time. After 2003 I was no longer a Sexual Outlaw nor could I be denied rights because of criminal behavior. Gayle Ruzicka and her minions argued against anti discrimination laws for over a decade saying that homosexuality was criminal in Utah. On this day there was wailing and gnashing of teeth in many an Eagle Forum household. I went in 1987 to protest in Washington the Supreme Court's refusal to give Americans a Right to Privacy. It took 16 years for me for being not considered a menace to decent society.

 

27 June 2019 Thursday

I was in misery for most of the night after the anesthesia wore off. My jaw is throbbing and I have a pain in that side of my face.  I just got up at 5 and stayed up because moving around made me think less about the pain. I hoped it was just the residual pain from the surgery so I just took some extra strength Tylenol and pushed through the pain.

            I went down to Fortitude to check out Kyle Foote at 8 this morning for his day at the house. He climbed up on the roof and cleaned out the rain gutters that had been down since Levon Mirakyan lived here years ago.

            He also was looking at the Truck and tried to fix the third door but the rod that holds the door in place had snapped so need to get Mike to order that part. Also the battery was down too so we weren’t able to take it out to have the air pressure checked in the tires.

            For lunch I said I’d take him to Culvers in Bountiful because Mile Romero said it was really good.  We were going into Bountiful to Lowes to return a box fan I had bought a few weeks ago that stopped working anyway.  When he called about his glasses Glass World said they just came in so after eating we did both stops.

            Culvers was good although all I had was some Onion Rings because my jaw was too sore to really chew. Kyle had a cheeseburger combo that he said was really good.

            From Bountiful we drove up to Wal-Mart in Centerville to pick up some toiletries he needed then came back to the house. It was the first really warm day we had so far in June. It was in the 90’s.

            Back at the house, Kyle typed up some letters to send to his friends he met who are still in Prison, like Craig Crawford. I still had stamps and envelopes left over from our days of correspondence.  I tried to take a little nap because I had taken some more Tylenol. I’d rather take that then get dependant on Norco which really didn’t seem to help with the pain any more than Tylenol.

            In the late afternoon we watched “Boy Erased” about a so called Christian conversion therapy camp. I had seen it before so when Bill Poore called I just went into the front room to visit. He was upset with me when after he asked whether I paid for Kyle’s glasses I said yes. He thinks Kyle could have gotten them free at the V.A. but that’s not true. Kyle doesn’t have the same benefits as Bill because he wasn’t active duty like Bill.

            Anyway had to get Kyle back to Fortitude by 6 in the evening and I came home just worn out from dealing with this pain.

            In the news the 20 Democrats running for President had their debates yesterday and today but I didn’t watch a bit of it because I don’t care who finally is nominated because he or she is the person I will support.  The worse Democrat is more compassionate than the best Republican who has to be flawed to support that ideology.

           

 

28 June 2019 Friday

I am still in a lot of pain which woke me up all through the night. I finally got up around 4:30 rather than lay on the couch hurting. I went and looked up the hours for the Dental Clinic today because I was worried they might be closed on Friday . They were open today but only from 7 in the morning until noon. That was a dilemma because I said I’d pick Kyle up at 7:45 and go with him to his doctor’s appointment this morning.  But I didn’t want to be in pain all weekend so I texted Kyle to say that I was going in to see my dentist and that I wouldn’t be there to pick him up.

            I was at the Dentist right when the door opened and was able to see her right away. They took more x-rays and  examined the tooth. She adjusted the cap some and gave me a prescription for Noxacillin for any infection and some narcotics for the pain. I was actually out of there by 7:15 and zoomed to Fortitude to be there to pick Kyle up. I certainly thought it was going to take more time than it did.

            Kyle came back to the house and did some correspondence on the computer before I took him down to the Redwood Clinic for his appointment to see Dr. Stoneburner. I could tell he was very anxious being there. He was called in at 10 so I went and had my prescriptions filled at the pharmacy there and then went back to the waiting area. Kyle has to be back at Fortitude at 11:45 so I wanted to be there to make sure he’s on time.  He was out of the doctor’s office at 11:15, then filled some prescriptions and I got him back on time. Kyle becomes a different person when he’s anxious and almost shuts down communication.

            I stopped and bought some meat for the pup’s supper but didn’t do much else except nap and typed on my 1973 Journal. When I checked the mail saw that Kyle’s Social Security card came in.

            Tomorrow I am taking Bill Poore up to Layton because his brother is giving him a van to replace the “classic as he calls it” van that I call the perp mobile.

            It was quite warm today. 95 degrees compared to the cool weather we have been having.

·         To Kyle Foote Your social security card came today in the mail. I put it in your bedroom. I hope going to the doctors today didn't cause you too much stress.

·         Thanks Ben, it came way faster than I thought. Yeah, the doctor was way more stressful than I expected it would be. Going to medical for any reason in prison was very traumatizing. I didn't realize how much PTSD I must have from that experience. It made my anxiety go through the roof and then I felt awful to keep you waiting and then on top of that I ended up in more of a rush. I was very relieved to have it over. Unfortunately I still have to go back and do my labs, which I plan to do this morning when I leave here at 7:45. Thanks for your patience and understanding. Some days are harder than others, that's for sure. Love, Kyle

 

29 June 2019 Saturday

I had to take Bill up to Layton to his brother's to pick up the van Ross and Chris gave him. I knew off street parking is impossible over at his place on 4th East and 8th South so I suggested that he drive his van over here and park it so he'd have a spot to park  his new vehicle when we returned but he nixed that idea. So I then go over to get him and of course he doesn't have his hearing aids in so it a shouting conversation the whole way up. to Antelope Drive.

    His brother used to be the principal at Northridge High School and of course there's so much sibling rivalry between the brothers and I have to hear both sides. By the way Ross Poore said that Kyle might know one of his former students who was at Gunnison and worked in the Culinary Program. He said his name is Brian Woods. Ross said that he's been out for over a year and has a good job and quite successful.

    Anyway we are up there for about 2 hours and on the way home on I-15 Bill gets behind this big semi going 60 miles an hour which was driving me nuts as I wanted to following him back to his place in SLC. I am like my mom and have heavy foot.

Of course there's no place to park  on his street and I am getting cranky because I hadn't eaten and my tooth hurts. We finally found a spot around the block and he wants to go to lunch and I asked him where and he says don't make me make that decision so I am heading up to Charlie Chows for something quick like soup and then he says anything but Chinese! Ugh! I hate that when people say "you decide" and then don't want to go there.

    We ended up going to Village Inn because he wanted a burger but once there of course he wants a roast beef sandwich which is not on the menu. We had this discussion before “don't order it if it’s not on the menu!” Ugh! So he doesn't even get a burger but eggs Benedict instead and I order a small cheese burger which Was too much for me but I was tired and hot and cranky.

    Then this guy comes in and is seated behind us. He's being a pain to the waiter also and then later asks to be seated elsewhere complaining about Bill talking so loud and yet I certain can hear this guy's conversation. I hate drawing attention to myself but Bill is an actor and doesn't care but I just ate my burger and hunkered down. It wasn't even all that great and was $10.

    Anyway I finally take him back to his place and I come home and I look at my emails I see that I have a statement from Verizon. I opened it and almost fell out of my seat because the bill was for $229! I went back down to the Bountiful Verizon and they opened my account and said that they couldn't see why it was that much and that we had switched to 4 gigs.

    So he said I had to deal with customer service which I called while out in the parking lot. They guy was super nice on the phone and he said he couldn't see why it was that much.  My old bill was only $62 a month. He said that with the 2 lines and 4 gigs the monthly bill should only be $109 a month but there was a $40 activation fee when I added Kyle’s phone but he gave me credit and changed the bill. He did say that Kyle’s phone did go over the 4 gigs by .3 and that should have been at the most $15 so I don't know what they did. I had to take care of it because I have an automatic withdrawal payment set up. Ugh! He did say you can push the pound symbol and type DATA and it will tell how much we have used and how much is left. The Billing cycle ends on the 26th of each month and starts new the 27th so we are on a new cycle.

    I told them that I can afford $109 a month but not $229 being on a fixed income. So that was frustrating and stressful but resolved but how I hate dealing with these type of things.

I've been taking the antibiotics and they really seem to help. I think I had an infection and that is why my face and jaw hurt so much but seems to be getting better. I am not going to take the Norco pain pills any more  but going back to Tylenol extra strength.

    I didn't get a nap in today and have been up since 5:30 but I actually got some rest last night.    Bill wants to go to lunch this Thursday with Kyle and me. I'd like to take him back to Culvers so he can shut up about Roast Beef Sandwiches.  Now that I can chew again I might try something. The ice cream sure was good. 

Charles Frost called Bill up and wanted to take him to lunch. I know he's dying to know what Bill knows but Bill isn't going to tell him anything but just make him squirm. It’s not like Charles and Bill are even friends. Last time Charles took Bill to lunch was over 7 years ago when he called Bill a "community treasure". So that's what I call Bill half the time a "community treasure" I know Charles is desperate to get some dirt... maybe I should be more generous about his intentions... I don't think so. 

 

30 June 2019 Sunday

This morning Kyle Foote called me after his Sunday run to say hi. He ran nearly 6 miles so I am glad his water bag and ear buds are working out for him. He wants me to pick him up tomorrow at 7:45 and I said I would. He needs to have some lab work done at the Redwood Clinic. He said he wanted to be tested for everything HIV, Hepatitis, etc because he said Prison was a hot house of infections. He also said that one of the cooks at Fortitude, who I met at the Glendale Library did something to get him sent back to Prison so there’s only 3 cooks now and Kyle will probably be shifted to lunch from dinner.  It didn’t sound like it will affect his schedule when he’s out much but I will find more out tomorrow.

Steve wood the hippie guy who wants the shed called this evening and said he still wanted the shed and will make arrangements some time to come get it. I said it’s still here just waiting whenever you want it.  I am kind of glad he’s the one taking it because I can of like him. I bet he was a granola head in his younger days and he asked about the plants he gave me and I said they were doing fine because he didn’t get his planted and they died ha! 

            So this is the last day of June for the decade of the twenty-teens. Amazing when you think about it. Next year will be the Roaring Twenties again. Well we already have all the crime and corruption we can stand as it is.

            Well Pride Month is over and I am glad. If I read one more revisionist piece on how Sylvia Riviera and Marsha P Johnson and People of Color stormed Stonewall and c11reated the Gay Rights movement I will puke. I think its homophobic how Social Justice 4Warriors are erasing Gay street kids from being the actual perpetrators of the riot.  We call it a rebellion now but actually it was just a riot against police harassment.  Oh well. Fifty years ago  Wow!