Spring Second Quarter Journal 1993 April-June

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1 April 1993 Thursday

I had the most melancholy dream last night about John Cunningham and I finally getting together. He said he loved me and we made love. What brought this phantom from the past to the surface?

            It was a cool day with the breezes blowing in from the South. That portends a storm is headed our way. I played an April Fool’s joke on my students by pretending to give them a long hard math test. They got back at me a lot too.  The kids were hyper this afternoon because of April Fool’s Day and partly because a storm is on its way.

            David Ball picked me up after work and took me to K-Mart in Woodcross, where I bought Jimmy Hamamoto a portable CD player to replace the one he let us borrow but doesn’t work anymore. I also bought a video of "Beauty and the Beast" to replace the one that Jeff Workman took when he left. I was going to buy a mountain bike but since I have to pay $300 in federal taxes this year, I decided that I had better hold off on that.  We stopped at the Post Office where I had some CDs in the mailbox.  They were Carol King’s "Tapestry", "Camelot", k.d. lang’s "Ingénue", Judy Garland’s Greatest Hits, and Kate Bush’s "Hounds of Love".

No one but David Ball showed up today for the Pillars writer’s meeting at my place. All talk and no action.  

2 April 1993 Friday

My hay fever has kicked in. It rained really heavy all through night it the sound of rain on the roof woke me up several times. I’m taking antihistamines for the elm tree pollen. I hope it won’t be real severe this year. The kids were more calm today than yesterday thank goodness.

            Anyway in the evening I went to the Gay and Lesbian Community Council; and it was a real sleeper. I was glad to see Todd Dayley back from Santa Fe. Bobbie Smith is still not talking to me and it’s getting boorish. Because of taking antihistamines, I was really sleepy at council and didn’t take the best notes. The main points of contention were over the police liaison, Shane Jones, repeated absences for over six months and some flap over whether to fund the Lesbian and Gay Student Union’s conference.

After the Gay and Lesbian Community Council, everyone wanted the Pillar Gang to go to the Sun for drinks. I declined. The Sun is too noisy to visit and we only go there because Brandon’s boyfriend Steven can’t stand the Country Western music played at the Trapp. I would have agreed to go to the Deerhunter but no one had a membership there. So I just went home. Besides I was not in the mood to put up with Bobbie Smith’s own moodiness.  I didn’t make it to John Crapo’s going away party as I had no way to get over to his place.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah met at the Utah Stonewall Center with the lack in attendance of Shane Jones police liaison to the Council being the main topic discussed.

·         Wasatch Affirmation held a Gathering of the Lavender Saints during Mormon April General Conference. A Mission Reunion for all Sisters and Elders was held at Aardvark’s Cabernet with a dance held afterwards with Richard Morris acting as DJ.  

3 April 1993 Saturday

I was up at 6 this morning because of the sunlight streaming through my bedroom window, I decided to fix some breakfast and begin typing up content for the Pillar. I have most everything typed up that I am going to do for the Pillar by the evening. I only took a break long enough to walk down to Smith’s Food King to get some groceries. It seemed like a pretty day for it.

David Ball dropped by at 6:30 this evening to take my CD player over to Jimmy Hamamoto’s place so he could use it for a Faerie Gathering tonight. I’m not too interested in going anymore. The Magick is gone for me. We weren’t able to make it to Unconditional Love. I feel betrayed by Bobbie Smith’s silent treatment.  I let him have my VCR player, I tried to help him with job opportunities, and supported him in community battles, and all I’m getting from him now is attitude. Oh well. Time to move on. Time to do closure there too, I suppose. I am tired of being a mediator between his dark and light sides. Let David Ball deal with it.

I talked to John Reeves on the phone in Boston. He’s in the process of moving to his own place and really is excited about it. We visited for a long time.  

4 April 1993 Sunday

I turned the clock forward yesterday for Daylight Savings Time. Yesterday the sun rose at 6:10 in the morning but today it’s 7:10. I read the Sunday paper and kicked back for most of the day. I did a load of laundry but that’s about all.

Brandon Creer called at noon and said we had a Pillar business meeting at Squatter’s Pub at four thirty. Brandon picked me up as it was raining and I didn’t want to walk. We discussed how the advertising is going and I said perhaps we should cut back the amount of pages to the amount of funds we have to pay for the printing. The rest thought it best to stay with twenty pages and I reluctantly agreed. It’s not them who are writing content and paying money upfront. I just wonder where they think the money is coming from, considering we don’t have any more advertising than we did in March.  Brandon says we are doing excellent turning over as many advertisers as we had in the first paper, so I’ll trust him. What choice do I have?

However Bobbie Smith was nasty and attacked the credibility of the paper because some of the addresses of organizations weren’t correct, implying I wasn’t doing my job as editor. First of all the information was in the directory section, which I had nothing to do with, but mostly I am sick of his pouty adversarial posturing on everything. He thinks working part time at LaFrance ties up his time as much as Todd Dayley and mine with our full time jobs. Give me a break. I suggested that checking the times and locations of groups in the directory would be a good job for David Ball and Bobbie Smith. Instead of criticizing content, they could be helping out.

Even though I have been critical of how the advertising funding has been handled, I have been willing to help out. When revenue fell short I mainly footed the bill on the first issue. I fear this newspaper is going to split Bobbie Smith and me up. Well if it does, it does. I’m just not in the humoring mood. You have your troubles. I have mine.

Brandon says he’s now holding off on the Randy Richardson’s story until June. He only had to write two stories for the May Issue and he is finding that it is not all that easy. Well I guess I will have to find something to fill in the space. I’ll just continue to write content, Todd Dayley can keep track of finances, and Bobbie Smith and David Ball can do their thing. But I’m not paying out any more of my own money. I can tell you that, and I’m not sharing anything more with David Ball either because it goes right back to Bobbie Smith. I’ll keep our relationship strictly business, and that’s that. Jimmy Hamamoto thanked me for the portable CD player. Well that takes care of that too.  

5 April 1993 Monday

I am having strange dreams; sexy dreams and sad dreams about Jeff Workman. I dreamt that he came home and we sat and visited and held each other. I suppose he’s in my subconscious because I needed him so much yesterday dealing with the Pillar Gang.

The weather has turned chilly this evening. The antihistamines I take just wipe me out. I’m so sleepy all the time. I’m adrift again without a compass or an anchor. Where I am going, I wonder. I need some time just for myself. Some real me time.

Where am I? Inventory time. I’m almost 42 years old and 42 is middle age! Many of my friends will never live to be that old, so I should stop complaining about my age. I’m a pudgy, balding white man. Pretty Cool huh? I’m never going to have Alex Baldwin’s good looks or stomach. I am not going to have any 19 year old think I am sexy. I was you know; many years ago. Well I am still sexy in a hot mama sort of way. A stud would not apply to me.

I am still recovering from Jeff Workman’s break up with me. I take losses hard. I don’t take separation well. I love too hard, too deep, and too forever. I also feel like my circle of mystical faeries have vanished like so much faerie dust. Mike Pipkin is in Santa Fe, Rocky O’Donovan is in Moab, and Debbie Rosenberg is a homebody now trying to get pregnant. Todd Bennett is married to Eric and off in a world of their own. Jeff has left me for Cary. David Ball is off in a dark world of his own too that I can’t fathom.  Jimmy Hamamoto is changing now that he’s given up his Saturday KRCL “All Weather Radio” program because of increasing pressure from management to go in new directions he does not wish to go.

And then there’s Bobbie Smith. Poor miserable Bobbie Smith, caught in a cycle of poverty and low self esteem, trying so hard to reach the elusive goal of fame and recognition which is just an illusion after all. Bobbie Smith has to have an enemy; when the real enemy is himself. But I guess I am his enemy now. The betrayal of my friendship is the most unkind cut of all. 

The Pillar is a good thing for the community; however it is really separating me from Bobbie Smith. I doubt if there is any going back after my feelings of betrayal. I’ve ignored or humored his attacks against others so it was just a matter of time before I became a target for his unhappiness. 

I don’t feel any real camaraderie with David Ball either. Familiarity yes, but support no. He will always side with Bobbie Smith first but that doesn’t matter as long as I’m aware of it. I thought bringing the faeries on board to create a community paper would have bonded us closer and it has torn us apart.

What about Todd Dayley and Brandon Creer? I just don’t know them well enough to gage their intentions, as we have no history together.  I just don’t know where they are coming from at all. Todd Dayley is a gem and so is Bobbie Smith really, but I suppose people change and grow apart over time.

Brandon Creer excites me sexually but scares me as that he never was a faerie or accepted our philosophy of an empowered Gay “Mehn’s” community. Is he for real? I am finding out that his past is pretty unstable but he seems to have put his life back together. I’m flying blind on this one. Will I just be out $900? It’s just money but it’s not like I am rolling in dough.

The faeries took me on an incredible spiritual journey of discovery but truly it was a circular path as that I am now  back where I began; only wiser for the trip. I’ve gotten a deeper appreciation for the Queen of Heaven, my Heavenly Mother, and the feminine side of creation which I would not have gotten without walking this path. But I’m back with the lover of my soul, the gentle Christus, as my spiritual guide. It embarrasses me to say it; lest someone paints me with the same brush that colors the religious far right. They have made a mockery of the ethical teachings of thousands of years of Mesopotamian and Egyptian teachings epitomized in the simple message of a Hebrew teacher “to love one another”. My spiritual pathway as a Gay man is my own and no one else’s. What a strange journey.             

At home I had a letter from the Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church shoved through my mail slot. I guess they are all up in arms about Mass Gay Wedding planned for the March on Washington. Even though it is sponsored by the Universal MCC Fellowship, the Salt Lake church thinks it’s a mockery. Shit should hit the fan when that letter gets printed in the May Issue of the Pillar.

Ray Nielsen dropped by also with an article on Unconditional Support. We visited for a while on how things are going with us. He said when he saw Jeff last, he asked Ray if I was still attending U.S. because he wouldn't attend if I was.  I told Ray that I really miss Jeff. He also confirmed that Cary Ferrin really went after Jeff big time, last fall, hunting him down, playing up to him. No wonder Jeff fell under his spell. Who doesn’t like to be pursued? I shared how Bobbie is feuding with me but I won’t put up with it because I’ve done nothing wrong. I said I wanted to become more social again.

 I typed content until 9 at night and then went to bed. No one from the Pillar staff called me today. Well they will when they want my articles.  I need Community Council minutes to finish up my part of news.

 

6 April 1993 Tuesday

I kept waking up during the night, checking the clock, and then falling back to sleep. So I didn’t wake up until 5:50 this morning. I was rather rushed to get out of the apartment by 6:30 to walk over to catch my bus. By the time I fixed breakfast, made a lunch, fed Billy Cat, showered, got dressed and gathered everything up, the time went by pretty fast since I am dragging my ass so much.

The Sun doesn’t come up until 7 so it’s like the middle of the night again waiting for the 9^th East Bus to downtown. It’s been chilly out and was 32 degrees this morning and only got up to the mid 40’s.

            The day went okay. I didn’t take any antihistamines so I wasn’t as sleepy as yesterday at work. At home I watched the evening news and fixed some dinner.  I also called this kid, Chase, to see if he still wanted to write for the Pillar. I left a message on his machine.

I spent the rest of the evening proofing the “Making A Different” section of the paper and going over things. I need to contact the former Kristin Ries Award recipients to write up an article on them and get that going so we can vote on nominees. It will be upon us before we know it. I still haven’t heard from anyone so I am definitely out of the loop.

Jeff Workman has a credit collector person calling here. I wonder how he is and if he’s okay. When you are used to taking care of someone it’s hard to quit caring.

 

7 April 1993 Wednesday

There was a beautiful full moon out this morning while I was waiting to catch the bus. I am not sure why I can’t sleep at night. I keep waking up during the night. I suppose maybe I need to go to bed later so I will be more tired.

This week is going fast, thank goodness. I had my "Formulative Review" evaluation with Stanger. He seemed impressed with how I am teaching math. I hope it shows up on the end of level tests.

I took a bus to Smith’s after school to buy some ice but didn’t leave the apartment after that. Jeff Workman has his loan people calling him so he must be falling behind on his payments now that I am not subsidizing him. It’s not my worry anymore.

I worked on the Salt Lake Support and Social Organization News section for the Pillar mostly tonight. I’m still steaming over Bobbie Smith’s criticism but will let it go. It will just have me eating over resentment if I don’t. I called different organizations to find out if numbers and information for them are still valid because I knew Bobbie Smith and David Ball wouldn’t take the initiative. That was one of Bobbie Smith’s gripes about the April Issue. I talked to Boris Kurz, this Gay kid I knew from the Quakers. He thought the paper was fantastic. He also said that members of the Salt Lake Quakers were considering boycotting the Yearly Meeting that is being held in Colorado because of Prop 2.

While calling I also talked with this Cal Noyes fellow who is with the Volleyball Group. He said he is besides being with the volleyball group, with the Organized Labor Union. He wants to see a story about  Gays and Unions. Perhaps it would be a good story for Labor Day.

I’ve still not heard a word from anyone at the Pillar. Oh well. I went to bed at 9:30 tonight.

 

8 April 1993 Thursday

The kids are restless as they always are right before a holiday. Then again so am I. I had to watch Mrs. George’s class this morning but they were good for me. In the afternoon I had my class watch Walt Disney’s "Alice in Wonderland". It was fun to observe some of the older boys, who at first pooh-poohed me for showing it, become entranced with it when they were actually watching it.

            Anyhow I walked to the P.O. Box after work and there were lots of mail, some for Jeff Workman. Not sure why he hasn’t done a change of address card yet. In the evening I decided to walk to the Utah Stonewall Center to attend Unconditional Support rather than sit home. It was fun to get out and start mingling with Gay people again.

Bobbie Smith was working in the library.  I didn’t say boo to me. Todd Bennett was at US as was this fellow named Bob I hadn’t seen in ages.  He hadn’t seen the Pillar yet so I gave him a copy.

After the meeting some of us went out to coffee at Village Inn and I sat next to Todd Bennett so we could catch up on our lives. He didn’t know that Jeff Workman and I had broken up or that Bobbie Smith is mad at me. He said Bobbie Smith is always mad at someone. I didn’t defend him this time.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL 

·         SLTrib Page: D1 SHAKEN S.L. TAXI DRIVERS CONSIDER PACKING GUNS AFTER SHOOTING,THREATS  Salt Lake City taxi drivers are tense while a fellow cabby lies hospitalized with two gunshot wounds to the head.   ``A lot of drivers are saying, `What if we start packing [guns]?' '' said cabdriver Cory  DeYoung. ``When I heard about the shooting, I started to want to carry a gun.''   Since John W. Adams was shot Tuesday morning, some taxi drivers did not work their night shifts, and others went home early.   Yellow Cab dispatcher Ralph Elnes said half his fleet has not worked the graveyard shift since a late-night robbery last week. Tuesday night’s shooting made matters worse. ``This is getting ridiculous,'' said Mr. Elnes. ``Paranoia has prevailed.''   City Cab, which employs the victim, received a threatening phone call Tuesday night, upsetting many cab drivers, said co-owner Kirby Jackson.   ``Whoever called said he was going to kill more drivers,'' he said.   A Ute Cab dispatcher, who did not want to be identified, said his company received a couple of threatening phone calls Wednesday.   ``I've been having weirdoes call me all day,'' he said.   Both companies dismiss the threats as crank calls, but the attention has rattled some drivers.   Yellow Cab told its drivers Tuesday night to only pick up riders who telephone, and not to carry a lot of money. Mr. DeYoung said none of his drivers carries more than $20.   Mr. Adams, 64, was shot in the head Tuesday while dropping off his day's first fare at 1000 S.400 East in Salt Lake City. Mr. Adams was in critical condition Wednesday at LDS Hospital.   Police believe the shooter got out of the car and fired two bullets through the driver’s window. The victim's wallet apparently was stolen.   Detectives have a suspect, but are unable to locate him, said Salt Lake police Lt. Marty Vuyk.

 

9 April 1993 Friday

I don’t know if I am being super sensitive or what, but I am really upset with Brandon Creer and how I am being treated by the Pillar partners. I talked to Brandon last night over the phone, with him saying there was a 10 in the morning meeting at his place today as he knew I was off for Easter Break. He said he would pick me up at 9:45 so I’m outside on the street waiting for him and he doesn’t show up at all, just David Ball. He gives me a ride over to Brandon’s place and I’m still miffed from him not showing up.

Anyway Brandon is making all these proposals to change the structure of the Pillar and I’m on a slow burn. He wants to change the Pillar to be totally inclusive. I told him if he could sell the idea to the Lesbian Community that a bunch of Gay men can represent their issues then go right ahead. Fortunately Todd Dayley and David Ball didn’t like that idea at all so he backed down temporarily.

Then he suggested that there be just one spokesperson for Uranian Publishing and I knew he meant himself. I agreed with the idea but nominated David Ball who accepted. I said since he is the Managing Editor it would be logical for David Ball to hold that position. I don’t understand what all these power plays on the part of Brandon are for, but I don’t like it.

Brandon has already taken all the feature articles over for himself and now says he wanted to do the Health and Entertainment Sections. He arbitrarily gave David Ball the “Gay Spirit Section” without consulting me, the Editor In Chief. David Ball and I ad already talked about his taking that section over so the only thing that pissed me off was Brandon’s thinking he could control content and decide who would be writing what.  Todd Dayley said he wanted to do the Community Focus Section and I agreed.

All in all, I don’t really much care who writes what except I feel like I’m being pushed aside in my role as Editor In Chief. Brandon even wanted the paper to not have an editorial opinion unless we all agreed on it but I laughed that one off along with his suggestion that we could not even have a book review unless we had an alternative opinion.

 Brandon also said we couldn’t do obituaries anymore because of legal problems with the estates of the deceased. I said bull shit but compromised and said we could do them as long as we didn’t initiate them. Additionally Brandon claimed that Reconciliation said we totally misrepresented them and again I said Bull Shit! If they feel strongly about what was written, they could always write a letter to the editor. 

Anyway I left the meeting really disheartened and feeling that this isn’t as much fun as I thought it would be. Brandon sure seems to be on a power trip, the upstart. I let him know that it was I who called everyone together to start a community paper not him. The meeting lasted 2 hours and then I had David Ball take me to the State Fairgrounds on North Temple and 10^th West to renew my driver’s license. It expires tomorrow on my birthday. I gave Dave $5 for gas money and told him not to wait that I would take the bus home. It didn’t take long just about a half hour. I paid my $15 and they took an ugly picture of me and then I was on my merry way.

I stopped by my Post Office Box on the way home and I had a letter from one of my former students, Dolan Williams, who had moved away. That was very thoughtful considering when I had him he could hardly write at all. He said I was a wonderful teacher and thanked me for teaching him. I also had birthday cards from Mom and Dad and from my Uncle and Aunt Milton and Marie Williams.

I was upset for most of the day over this morning business meeting and while walking home on 7^th East I saw Cary Ferrin and Jeff Workman with Cary driving Jeff’s truck. I thought my heart would break. That used to be my seat.

At home I just cleaned up the place and stayed inside the entire evening. How am I feeling this last day of my being 41? Betrayed, I suppose.

 

10 April 1993 Saturday

Today I am officially 42 years old and I am really on the pity pot. None of my Sacred Faerie friends or my family called me today to wish me a happy birthday. In fact the only ones who called at all were Chuck Whyte and John Reeves and neither of them actually knew it was my birthday. There was no card from Jeff Workman either. I went grocery shopping in the afternoon at Smith’s and bought me a small cake and I ate it all by myself too! I cried a lot today because it seems I am missing Jeff more and more, not less and less.

            Chuck said he’s moving to the east Sugar House area this summer where he’ll be renting his Mom’s house for $300. He called because he wants the Pride Committee to promote a “David Sharpton Activist Award” for Pride Day. What a great idea. John Reeves and I talked for a long time. He is worried how his divorce from Barbara will affect him financially as she will sue for alimony.

            I called Mom and she wants me to go to a Johnson Family Reunion in Oregon over Memorial Day Weekend. She said that my Uncle and Aunt, J.W. and Pauline Johnson, are taking Grandpa to it because he wanted to see his nephews and nieces for probably the last time. I said I would if I could.

            I walked up to the Stonewall Center at 7 this evening so as not to be alone totally on my birthday. However they changed the time for the movie to 8 and I didn’t feel like staying up that late. Well Happy Birthday to me anyways. I was born at 5:10 in the morning on a Tuesday in Amherst, Lamb County, Texas in 1951.

 ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Autopsy reveals man died of seizure as result of 1990 injuries. S.L. DEATH LINKED TO BEATING 3 YEARS AGO By Brian West, Staff Writer The makings of Salt Lake City's fifth homicide this year actually occurred nearly three years ago. A recent autopsy revealed that a man found dead last month actually died of injuries he received during a beating in 1990. On March 8, Terry R. Nelson, 43, was found dead in a west Salt Lake home, where he had been drinking with friends for three days. Investigators were unable to determine how he died until autopsy results were completed last week. The medical examiner's office determined that Nelson died of a seizure. He had been suffering from seizures ever since he was beaten with a lead pipe on July 26, 1990, said Salt Lake Police Lt. Jim Bell. "The medical examiner said the (assault) was a direct cause of the death," he said. But whether any homicide charges will be filed depends only on whether witnesses can be found and what they can remember. Because no charges were ever filed in connection with the assault, officers destroyed any evidence that was collected. In 1990, witnesses told police three men began picking a fight with Nelson and another man and began hitting and kicking the two of them as they walked near 750 S. 200 East. Nelson and the other man pulled out knives to try and stop the attack but did not use them, a Salt Lake police report states. The three attackers then ran to a nearby garbage bin and retrieved a large lead pipe and began striking both victims with it. After the victims were knocked to the ground, the three kicked the victims in the head and face, according to the report. When police arrived, they noticed one of the suspects holding one of the victims up while another suspect kicked him in the face. One of the suspects told police that the man with Nelson had stabbed a friend of his the night before. The three men were arrested for investigation of aggravated assault, but the Salt Lake County attorney's office declined to file any charges because Nelson could not be located and his injuries were not deemed to be too serious, the report states. The suspects were released from jail and the evidence destroyed, in keeping with policy. Now, detectives are trying to reconstruct a homicide case. Bell said they have located some witnesses, were re-interviewing them and planned to present the case to prosecutors for possible charges._© 1998 Deseret News Publishing Co.

 

11 April 1993 Sunday Easter

It’s a beautiful Christian Easter Sunday although on the cool side. I fixed some egg salad sandwiches and called it Easter dinner. I didn’t have anyone over or talk to anyone today. If I wanted to have company, I guess I should have fixed a big dinner. Then people would have come over for my food if not to see me. I listened to my CDs on Jimmy Hamamoto’s old CD player that kind of works if I keep it tilted at an angle.

Mom said yesterday that they went to see my niece Denise Ferguson and her husband Aaron in Flagstaff where they had moved to. My sister Charline Wachs and her husband Dennis came out with my cousin Stephanie Williams from California to Arizona for Easter. I suppose they left today. I typed up some Johnson family history and started getting that all together. 

At a drop of a hat I get really weepy. Why? I cry over Jeff Workman a lot. I really truly miss him. I am sad all the time. I worry about having a nervous breakdown. I think about the deaths of my friends, of Jeff Workman leaving me, the alienation of Bobbie Smith, and just the generally malaise of being lost without any boundaries. I’ve no one watching over me.

Russ Lane of all people called me late in the evening and left a Happy Birthday message on my machine. He said he remembered that it was 7 years ago he came to Salt Lake City and stayed with me so we could start up the Wasatch Affirmation.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Don Richard Perry, 41, died after a long battle with  AIDS.. Worked as a UTA Bus Driver, a job he enjoyed for 13 years.   Survived by his wife, and son,

·         MCC Holy Saturday "Spiritual Renewal," service at 7 p.m.; April 11, Easter sunrise service at 7:30 a.m., Easter celebration, including rite of baptism, 11 a.m.

 

12 April 1993 Monday

It rained, sleeted, and snowed for most of the morning, so I stayed home today. I decided to do some spring cleaning and I totally rearranged the front room, stripped the bed and put on clean sheets in the large bedroom and moved the smaller bedroom furniture around.  After cleaning the large bedroom I shut it off to keep it clean as a guest room.

            I am still weepy a lot. It must be hormones. I watched "Moonstruck" in the afternoon, my favorite Cher movie, but mostly just cleaned the place. I also did laundry and ironed my clothes for next week.

            I called on my state tax refund and was told it was hung up somewhere and had not even been processed yet! It will be another 6 weeks or the end of May before I get the $297 they owe me for a change. I also filed my state and federal taxes today. I owe the feds $301 and I will get $47 back from the state.  I just had them apply the $47 for next year’s taxes. I never want to owe those bastards a thing again. I went to bed at 8:45 this evening and my back is sore from moving furniture around by myself.

 

Brandon Creer called after I had already gone to bed and left a message on the machine saying that the Uranian Publishing business license finally came in and a checking account was opened with Todd Dayley and him being signatures. I don’t know why I wasn’t asked to be a signature since most of it is my money. He said more ads were being signed up too. I decided to turn this all over to my higher power as no one seems to be in my corner anymore. Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         The Lowell Bennion Community Service Center's Campus AIDS Project sponsored an AIDS Awareness Week at the University of Utah. Activities offered Monday through Thursday, with a service project on Saturday. Highlights included a keynote address by Utah born author Carol Lynn Pearson, Wednesday and a Benefit concert featuring local bands Ali Ali Oxen Free, Bridge of Souls and Mayberry, Thursday at 7 p.m. in the ballroom. Ms. Pearson is author of the popular Goodbye, I Love You, the story of her marriage, divorce and the AIDS death of her ex-husband. Other local bands will performed daily at. the Union Deli: For What It's Worth, Tuesday; Tomo Not Kidney, Wednesday; and Fiddleheads, Thursday. Tables with basic information about AIDS issues were in front of the Olpin Union Patio throughout the week. A portion of the National AIDS Quilt was on display in the building's Main Ballroom Tuesday through Thursday. Admission to Thursday's Benefit concert was by donation to the Utah AIDS Foundation or the Student Health Center's HIV/sexually transmitted diseases education program. All other events are free. (04/11/93  Page: C8 SLTribune)

 

13 April 1993 Tuesday

Much cooler weather today so I had to turn the heater on. It’s only been in the 40’s and it even snowed and sleeted last night. Getting up at 5:30 in the morning and I am so comatose. I also was having warm and cool flashes that are extremely uncomfortable. Not sure what that is all about.

            The kids all seemed to be calm down from the holiday. I was tired for much of the day. I know it’s from getting up at 5:30. After school I walked to the post office where I had a video in my box; "La Cage Aux Folles". Also I had a birthday card from my sister Charline Wachs and some mail for Jeff Workman.  I gathered all of Jeff’s mail up and took it over to Kevin Warren and asked if he would give it to him. Kevin knows where Carry Ferrin and Jeff are living.

            I watched La Cage this evening and did some school work on the computer. Mom called with some sad news. Our old neighbor Tom Horan died this morning at the age of 82. His wife Jean called Mom this morning with the news. Tom and Jean were more like family to me then just neighbors. As a kid I could cross the street and walk into Jean’s house anytime usually to find my Mom  hanging out with her. Tom even got Dad a job at the beer distributing company he was manger of so we wouldn’t have had to move away from Garden Grove. Mom and Dad are going to the funeral this Thursday.

            Thomas Patrick Horan, he made my young life a lot sweeter for my having known him. He once told me that a man is only as good as his word. I live by that philosophy even today. His memory will always be an indelible part of my childhood memories. I need to send Jean a card to let her know how sorry I am.  

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Chris Brown director of the Anti-Violence Project held sensitivity training for the Salt Lake Police Department and the Utah State police academy.

·         Lester L. Match III, age 26, died after a gallant battle against AIDS.

 

14 April 1993 Wednesday

It was a little warmer today. I wish it would get up in the 60’s and 70;s and stay there for a while before we hit really hot weather. It’s like we go from cold to hot and then hot to cold without any temperate weather. After school I went to Smith’s to buy a sympathy car for Jean Horan and then need to stamp it and get it off in the mail.  Then I tried calling Bruce Barton about the Kristen Ries Award but couldn’t get in touch with him. I think I might have the wrong number from him.

            I did talk to Jimmy Hamamoto finally for a little bit before going to bed. He was in San Francisco over the Spring Break. That is why I didn’t hear from him, I suppose. He’s still upset over this KRCL flap as that the KRCL Crowd is his long time community of sorts. The reason I called was because I got a notice from the PO Box saying that the Salt and Sage couldn’t be forwarded and returned to addressees rewritten on them because the Salt and Age wasn’t the primary box owner. It was under Unconditional Support’s and my name. Anyway I didn’t feel much empathy from Jimmy Hamamoto when he asked how I was doing. I said how I felt like I was close to a nervous breakdown. He didn’t seem to be very responsive to me at all. Circles. I’m not grounded in my feelings. I am too watery.

 

15 April 1993 Thursday

 Today is tax day. I filed mine last Monday. I owed $301 thanks to that jerk President George Bush. My hay fever is acting up some. I have the sniffles.

 I had to stay late at school to talk about The Centennial School Programs that Gov. Mike Leavitt is implementing. Most people are confused and a little anxious about what it will entail.

At our faculty meeting this morning, Wayne Stanger said that if the Davis Bond program is approved, Orchard will probably go year round in the fall of 1995. If it doesn’t we will probably teach double sessions from 6 in the morning until 6 in the evening. Ugh! Talk about your burn out.

            I bought some more pansies for my front porch while on the way home. I’m ready for spring for sure.

 I went to the Stonewall Center to attend Tony Feliz’s presentation on his belief that Joseph Smith was sealing same sex couples in Nauvoo before his death. I went to it instead of Unconditional Support. Tony sure looks different from his button down, suit and tie prophet days. No more church suits and groomed slicked back hair. He’s like an aging hippy as he has grown his hair long and has tied it in the back in a pony tail. He was wearing blue jeans, a sports jacket and stocking feet in sandals.  Gone is the Mormon Bishop persona

So many of my old friends from old Affirmation days were there. It felt almost like an old time family reunion. I saw Bob McIntier, Willy Marshall, Jon Butler, and Doug “beautiful Blue Eyes” Webb there. Doug was as gorgeous as ever. Doug was really surprised to know I was involved with the Pillar. He said it was the best laid out paper he’s seen in the community ever. I think I even surprised Jon Butler tonight by remembering that today is his 47^th birthday. Jon said that he and Tony are going back to Washington for the March. They were there in 1987 also. I said I’d be there in spirit. Chuck Whyte even came up so it was kind of like old times.

While at the Center, Melissa Sillitoe gave me some press releases that need to go into the Pillar also. Both David Ball and Bobbie Smith were working in the Stonewall Library. They said nothing to me and I said nothing to them. Seeing so many folks from the old days made me realize that I had insulated myself too much with Bobbie Smith, David Ball, and Jimmy Hamamoto. I need to expand my circle again. After Feliz’s talk, I visited with folks gathered at the Center and then Chuck, Doug, and I went to Village Inn to meet with people from Unconditional Support. There was a small turn out this evening at US only 6 people showed up at the Center and 3 at Village Inn.

 

16 April 1993 Friday

It rained this morning but cleared up in the afternoon. I’ve been going out during recesses and playing Four Squares with the kids. They have no idea how to play the game that I thought all kids knew.  It’s not much exercise but I suppose better than sitting at my desk.

            Susan Emerson, formerly McCoy, surprised me with a visit to my classroom. She said that her district in Nevada is just having their Spring Break. She took me home after school and she said she loves being a principal and is making $2,800 a month in take home pay in Nevada and doesn’t have to pay state taxes. That’s nearly $1,100 more a month than what I am making. Utah is really the pits but I really need to get my butt back in college if I want to get an M. A. in administration. It’s the way of the future. But not until I get a car! Maybe I should go for a degree in communications and get out of education all together. I don’t know. If Ralph Ludders, my old friend from Cypress College days, and Susan McCoy can be principals certainly I can too.

I called Todd Dayley and we talked a little. Supposedly there’s money in the bank to cover this next issue but he hasn’t had time to get my disc formatted for his computer yet. David Ball is supposed to be doing that today. Far as I know, neither Brandon Creer nor David Ball have gotten their articles written yet and turned into me. They are suppose to give them to me so I can read them and forward them on to Todd Dayley. Oh Well. “Turn it over; turn it over” is my new Mantra.

This fellow named Scott called later about starting up a Gay Father’s Group again. I guess I am the go to guy for people wanting to know how to go about it. I was tired from this busy week and went to bed at 8 this evening. I am still crying myself to sleep over Jeff Workman

 

17 April 1993 Saturday

I was up by 6 this morning. What an unseemly hour to be up on a Saturday morning. I wanted to clean the place before calling Darryl Hunt that it was okay to come down for the weekend and stay here. I also called Brandon Creer to inform him that I wouldn’t be able to attend the Pillar Staff meeting this weekend. I didn’t feel up to listening to their shit. I had a call from Bruce Harmon asking me for help choosing the Royal Court’s Golden Spike Community Service Award recipient since I was last year’s honoree, along with Becky Moss for being co-hosts for KRCL’s Concerning Gays and Lesbians.  I said I’d be there so I walked over to 3^rd East to pick up Chuck Whyte and from there we walked down to the Trapp on 5^th West and 1^st South. Bobbie Smith was there and he was surprised to see me.

The selection committee was made up of Bruce Barton, Bruce Harmon, Chuck Whyte and myself. Joe Redburn didn’t show up to the meeting but he left a message that he wanted to nominate Dale Sorenson. However the “Bruces” and Stephanie Thomas who was sitting with us, but not a part of the committee, all thought that Dale was obnoxious and full of himself. I said it’s just immaturity, give him time and he will be fine, even great.

No one else had a nomination at the selection meeting except for me. I nominated Bobbie Smith for the award for his vision in creating the Utah Stonewall Library. I had to promote him and list all the reasons why he should be given the award. I finally persuaded the Bruces and Chuck to go along with me so even if Joe Redburn still promotes Dale, Bobbie will still be the Golden Spike Community Service Award recipient.

On the walk home I said to Chuck Whyte, I want you to remember what a wonderful human being I am. Here Bobbie Smith is treating me like shit and won’t even talk to me and has shown no gratitude about being asked to be a partner in the Pillar and yet I can set all that aside to nominate him for an award he truly deserves. If I am as vindictive as some have accused me of being, why would I?

Anyway after seeing Chuck home, I walked on down to Liberty Park to briefly visit with Bob Waldrop. He’s at the “Mood for a Day” Booth that was set up for a KRCL sponsored concert held in the park. I can tell you my feet are awfully sore. Bob said he has moved back into town from Herriman and is staying at 1155 East 5^th South so we are neighbors again. He said he settled out of court, the claims he filed against the city. I don’t know the details as of yet.

I was back at my place by 3:30 in the afternoon, waiting for Darryl Hunt and his friend Curtis Magnusson to come in from Idaho. They didn’t arrive from Idaho Falls until 7 this evening. Darryl was as corny as ever and his roommate was a big loveable queen. Darryl is a very sweet man with absolutely no malice in him and to be mean to him would be an incredible act of cruelty. However a little bit of Darryl’s Idaho humor goes a long, long way. But Goddess bless him he’s trying to tone it down for me.

Well my Idaho Spuds wanted to take me out to dinner for letting them stay at my place so I couldn’t very well refuse to not go out with them. There were only two places Darryl wanted to eat at and one was the Red Iguana and some other “all you can eat place” he said was out on Redwood Road in West Valley. I really wasn’t in the mood for the Red Iguana since that was the last place where Jeff Workman and I went together as a couple.

I couldn’t very well tell Darryl that but thank goodness the Red Iguana was too crowded so we drove down Redwood to his other place which turned out just to be Chuck a Rama. I told Darryl that if I had known  that we could have gone to the one on 4^th South near my place!

However by the time we got to Chuck a Rama it was closing so we drove back to Red Iguana on North Temple. It was by now 9:30 at night and I was dead tired and the company was tedious with lots of small talk about people and places in Idaho which I didn’t know or could care less about. But I was gracious and they thought I was terrific, ha! Finally I was able to get them home about 11 at night and I went promptly to bed while Darryl and Curtis shared the guest room.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         . “Randy Richardson emerged as an outspoken activist in Utah, but his exit was decidedly quiet.  Nobody in Salt Lake City seems to know the whereabouts of prominent and controversial gay activist Randy Richardson. The outspoken magazine publisher has skipped town, friends and financial backers say. And he has left behind a trail of debts and disappointment.

Police believe Mr. Richardson fled Utah in February -- just before being found out in a suspicious AIDS fund-raiser designed to bring him more than $1 million.  It was to be an 80-city barnstorming trip by light airplane to raise cash for AIDS research. But two days before the ``Ultraflight For Life'' campaign was set for takeoff, Mr. Richardson disappeared. His debts in Salt Lake probably exceed $10,000, based on interviews by The Salt Lake Tribune.

One investor is out $4,500. Others say they are having to write off payments for advertising that never ran in Mr. Richardson's Outfront Review magazine. But police investigating the case say it is difficult to come up with criminal charges. ``He seems to have known just how far he could push things,'' says Shane Jones, the Salt Lake Police Department's liaison officer to Salt Lake's gays and lesbians. ``Right now, we have nothing to chase him on.''

   Members of the Utah AIDS Foundation have been reluctant to talk about Mr. Richardson's actions. They are mortified he may have hurt their cause.  ``If somebody says they're raising money for AIDS, check it out,'' says LaDonna Moore, the foundation's executive director.

Salt Lake City Mayor Deedee Corradini --once featured on the cover of Mr. Richardson's magazine -- and Police Chief Rubin Ortega were drawn unwittingly into lending their names to the AIDS fund-raising event. Boasting their support, Mr. Richardson got financial sponsorship from several business owners and private individuals, many of them gay men. The donors describe him as charismatic, passionate and well-spoken. `I liked this guy better than I've liked anyone in 20 years,'' says one middle-aged investor who accepted a fake diamond ring as loan collateral. ``I trusted Randy. And that hurts.''   

Other frustrated investors are loathe to come forward, certain that going public will force them to reveal their sexual orientation. ``This is why the gay community can make a perfect target,'' says Dale Sorenson, director of Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats and one of Mr. Richardson's ex-friends. ``I doubt that a heterosexual could have gotten away with what Randy did.''

The thin, gray-haired man emerged in Salt Lake last summer with the first issue of his free monthly magazine. Authorities know little about his past. They believe he moved here from California. Once in Utah, Mr. Richardson quickly gained notoriety by speaking out on a series of controversies involving the gay community. He attacked the Salt Lake City-County Health Department in July for refusing to give him free condoms to distribute in his magazine. 

Later that month, he took on talk-radio hosts at KKAT-FM by publicly threatening to report them to the Federal Communications Commission for disparaging remarks about gays. Station owners issued a public apology.  

In September, he sparked a bitter rift in the homosexual community by becoming the lone gay spokesman to support the hiring of Mr. Ortega. Mr. Richardson outraged other gay activists by arguing the new police chief should be given a chance -- despite allegations Mr. Ortega tacitly condoned anti-homosexual policies while heading the Phoenix Police Department. The move earned Mr. Richardson extensive media coverage.

By January, he was drumming up financial support for ``Ultraflight For Life.'' He told potential investors that the ``first-ever'' trip would raise $10 million for AIDS research; he would get 10% for ``administration.''  After a meeting with Ms. Corradini, Mr. Richardson circulated a letter saying he was ``working closely'' with the mayor and that he had the ``support and endorsement of the city.''

Not so, says Kay Christensen, Ms. Corradini's chief of staff. ``All we ever did was talk about it,'' Ms. Christensen says. ``The whole thing seemed overly ambitious, even farfetched.''

About the same time officials at City Hall and the Salt Lake Police Department grew wary in February, Mr. Richardson's phone was disconnected. He abruptly canceled a news conference at Salt Lake's Shiloh Inn to launch the campaign. His last communiqué was a short consolation letter to a worried supporter, postmarked Cheyenne, Wyo. ``Well, the gay and lesbian community has done it again,'' Mr. Richardson wrote. ``It has managed to undermine the project.'' (04/17/93 Page: C1 SLTribune S.L. GAY ACTIVIST SKIPS TOWN, LEAVES DEBTS AND DISTRUST S.L. GAY ACTIVISTLEAVES DEBTS, DISTRUST BEHIND AFTER SKIPPING  TOWN  By Tony Semerad THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE Copyright 1993,)

 

18 April 1993 Sunday

My hay fever has kicked in big time around 4:30 this morning. It rained throughout the night and I was plugged up so much I couldn’t breathe. I took 2 antihistamines which cleared me up but they knocked me out and I slept until 10 when I had to be up to get ready to go to the Metropolitan Community Church service. Bruce Barton is holding services at the Aardvark Cabaret now on 3^rd West and 4^th South. I said I’d go to support him.

            It was a cold and blustery walk over there since I was still drowsy from the pills. I stopped at the Hilton for a couple of minutes to warm up and get out of the wind. I used the bathroom there and a guy was cruising but I wasn’t about to put everything in jeopardy again by taking a chance of getting arrested in a public bathroom. Face to face dating or the phone line is the only way to go to avoid the vice morality patrol.

            Anyhow at Aardvarks there were only about 12 people at the church service. I sat with Willy Marshall and tried not to pass out from the pills and the boring service. I am not an MCC person. Willy drove me home so I didn’t have to walk back to the Riviera. There my Idaho Spuds were up and moving around. Darryl Hunt wanted to go to Cahoots while I retired to my room and took a nap.

            At 3:30 in the afternoon Darryl treated me to dinner at Chuck A Rama on 4^th South. I don’t like going to all you can eat places because I eat way more than I would at a regular restaurant. I only ate from the salad bar and some vegetables. But Darryl and Curtis Magnussen were in hog heaven. I visited a little more with Curtis and made small talk. We had nothing really in common to talk about.

            After we had eaten we went to Affirmation, at the Stonewall Center, at 5 in the late afternoon. I’d say it was a pretty good turnout for Affirmation these days with nearly 20 people attending. The topic tonight was on the etiquette of dating. We did however discuss the government survey which tried to prove that Gay “Mehn” only make up 1 percent of the population of the United States because only 17 men in a face to face survey of 1,700 men admitted that they were Gay.

This one Lesbian tried to defend the statistic which annoyed me no end. One percent of the population of the United States would be 2,500,000 people. A little less than half that will be at the March on Washington, and I dare say that cities and towns across America won’t see their Gay population decreased by half next weekend.  I said the number quoted by the survey is incredibly stupid and meant to dismiss our strength in numbers.

            Anyway after Affirmation, my Idaho Spud friends went out to the bars but I stayed home and typed a little for the Pillar, called my Uncle JW Johnson saying I am good to go to the reunion, and went to bed early.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         Page: A6 SL Tribune UTAH GAY ACTIVISTS VOW TO BE AT RALLY More than a million supporters of gay and lesbian rights are expected to march in Washington on Saturday.  Under a Utah banner, groups planning to march include the South Valley Unitarian Universalist Society, gay employees of US WEST and dozens of Utah gay-rights activist groups. Organizers expect 200 Utahns to attend and 75 Utahns have arrangements through the Salt Lake-based Spartan Cruise and Travel, says owner Lynn Nilson.

Gays in the military, gay bashing and the murder of a gay sailor in Japan have fueled tempers, possibly increasing the number of people likely to attend.  ``All of those things have really gotten our community really fired up,'' says Dale Sorenson, director of the Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats. ``We have seen how we can make a difference. People are motivated. We are also angry.''   

``A lot of Americans get into the habit of trying to ignore us thinking basically if they hide their heads in the sand, then we are not an issue,'' says Val Mansfield, Utah representative of the march steering committee. ``This is to let them know we are still here and we are not going away. We still want our rights as promised and guaranteed under the Constitution.'' 

Activists are lobbying for a federal law that would give gays and lesbians the same protections granted to racial and ethnic minorities through the Civil Rights Act of 1964, including discrimination in housing, employment and public accommodations   Mr. Sorenson said Utah activists will attempt to meet with the state's congressional delegation next week.  A Salt Lake City rally for those not attending the Washington march is planned for Saturday at the downtown federal building, 100 S. State St.

·          (04/18/93  Page: A1 SL Tribune) For nearly a decade, the Marine Corps computer specialist lived by the motto ``Semper Fi'' -- Always Faithful. All-Marine. The few. The proud. During the Vietnam War, this professional soldier was bucking for gunnery sergeant with a career track all but assured. Then someone told superiors she was a lesbian. ``Always, for the homophobics, it's the first statement: `She's in the military, she must be   queer,' '' says Donna, who agreed to be identified by her first name. ``Overall, I was treated exceptionally well by the Marine Corps. What occurred to me was because of another gay woman. So that's kind of like the Catch-22 thing. My lifestyle came back to haunt.''

Donna left the Marines in 1977, largely because of an investigation of her personal life, half lived in secret. Still, she outlasted the investigation and left later by choice. Many do not. Miriam Ben-Shalom, national president of the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Veterans of America, says a 1987 Defense Department study found women more than five times as likely as men to be discharged for homosexuality. And not all of the accused have been gay.  Calling a woman a lesbian is easy retaliation against women -- straight or gay -- who resist male comrades' sexual advances, says Ms. Ben-Shalom. 

Donna saw it happen to friends and acquaintances time and again.   ``The bottom line to the conversation is either you play sexually with me or I'm going to turn you in,'' she says. She recalls only one case in which the commanding officer saw through the charade. More often than not, the allegation of being a lesbian led to an investigation. ``Some just didn't want to deal with the stress of being under investigation and said, `Fine, I'm gay, get me out of here,' '' she explains. If male Marines had their own predicament, Donna didn't know of it -- but, then again, she knew few gay male Marines.  ``In the Marine Corps, gay men would not be flaming queens or they'd be dead,'' she says. `This was like witch-hunt city.'' 

Witch-hunt city is every military base in the country, and Utah is no exception. A male officer at Hill Air Force Base recently resigned under pressure when his commanding officer found out he was gay. ``It's frustrating,'' explains the man, who still fears reprisals. The superior ``thought I was a great officer. Absolutely a wonderful officer.'' Except that he was gay. Gays and lesbians have served since armies first went to war. But at no time in American history have the stakes been so high, because of President Clinton's pledge to end the 50-year ban on homosexual service.

For now, the ban is suspended pending congressional hearings and preparation of a draft executive order by July 15.  In the interim, the public-relations machines of the military and the gay community battle for the sympathy of the American public. There is growing sentiment that the result will be the new status quo: homosexuals can stay as long as they keep their sexual orientation private.  With military brass falling in step with that position, the showdown would come if President Clinton asks Congress to change the Uniform Code of Military Justice, which allows courts-martial for sodomy. ``I hope he does ask, because then it will be laid to rest. We'll win,'' says Rep. Jim Hansen, R-Utah, one of five Armed Services Committee members who will fight the president's position in the House.  Mr. Hansen says the issue has prompted more phone calls to his Utah office than any other during his 13 years in Congress.  ``And 85% to 90% of them are opposed to lifting the ban -- and not just opposed, vigorously and violently opposed. As I talk to my colleagues, Democrat and Republican, they're experiencing the same thing.''   

Mr. Hansen likely hasn't heard from the former Hill officer. The 37-year-old man already has lost part of himself to the ban when he was forced to resign last year.  ``I would have fought it, except I had a wife and children who were dependent on me and I could not afford to be dishonorably discharged,'' says the man, who later divorced his wife. Vacillating between suicide and ``insanity,'' he surrendered his $45,000 annual salary, health insurance and retirement without explanation. Ultimately, he revealed his true self to family and church. `I lost everything,'' says the former Mormon bishop.

Christopher Ryan was luckier, if you can call it luck.   ``I knew I could not get caught in the Navy or something would happen to me,'' says Mr. Ryan, now a 28-year-old University of Utah student. ``I had to keep it to myself. I couldn't cruise anybody. I was scared.''   He also believes the military is scared. Mr. Ryan describes his six years in a Navy rampant with homophobia. Two years into his service commitment, he realized he was gay. ``I remember going to some type of leadership-management meetings,'' he said. `This lady from the Naval Investigative Service made a comment that gangs of gays were raping people. Comments like that don't need to be made.''

Because of the code of secrecy among homosexuals in the service, Mr. Ryan engaged in the guessing game of trying to figure out who other gays were. They listened for certain phrases and watched for parting glances. Mr. Ryan was honorably discharged after he hurt himself playing basketball. He left the service without incident, because he was secretive about his homosexuality.

Kevin Nollenberg, a former Army Ranger, was kicked out after earning a parachutist badge, good-conduct medal, Army achievement medal -- and testing positive for HIV in June 1986.  ``I was still a soldier. I was still a Ranger. I was still a paratrooper. That was on the surface. No one ever knew what went on beneath the surface,'' says Mr. Nollenberg, who is now the director of the People With AIDS Coalition of Utah.   ``If I had been able to come out and my fellow soldiers had known from the beginning I was a gay soldier, I would have been accepted. It was only when they found out I was gay, after I had misrepresented myself, that they felt betrayed.''

 

19 April 1993 Monday

Well back to work and I woke up at 4:30 this morning again, all clogged up with hay fever. Only this time, I couldn’t take any antihistamines as I had to be up at 5:30 anyway. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to my guests as they were still asleep when I left the apartment.

            I talked to Susan McAdams, the 4^th Grade teacher, a lot after the kids went home at 1:20 this afternoon. She had put in for a 6^th Grade move also. So I am not sure what is going on. If she moves to 6^th grade there will be an opening in 4^th Grade and I could move there to get away from Elayne Day.  Anyhow I talked to Stanger about taking Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday off at the end of May to go to a family reunion in Oregon. He was not thrilled but not much he could say as I have the personal leave days coming.  I didn’t tell him that I might take off Tuesday, the day after Memorial Day also. I’ve gotten Susan Green already to substitute for me during that time.

At home I had a message from Kim Russo again about taking pictures for the Pillar. Also Tony Feliz called and congratulated me for putting out the paper. However I am sure he’s doing it just to use me. Oh well. Media is everything and is to be used right?

Jimmy Hamamoto called from the center and wanted to come over to visit which he did but not for very long.  He gave me some gossip on Lisa Romano who along with Craig Miller was such a weasel to me at the Center in 1991. I guess she made a lot KRCL people mad at her and they think she’s a bitch so it wasn’t just me.  I’m glad I’m not the only one who has had trouble from her.

Before Jimmy came over I called Todd Dayley. He said that Brandon Creer has his article in to him but David Ball still hasn’t gotten my disc with all my articles formatted yet. So I called David Ball up and he came over to pick up my new disc. He’s being really strange. Testy. He’s snappy with me and is in a dark space.  He took Jimmy back home to Del Mar Court so Jimmy didn’t have to catch a bus or walk.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         An Art exhibition was held at the Utah Stonewall Center by Randall Sagendorff entitled “Fantasy and Surreal Images.”

 

20 April 1993 Tuesday

It was a much nicer day than yesterday and warmer too. It’s suppose to get even warmer this week. The kids are slightly hyper because of it. They know the end is not that far away.

            Speaking of “the End”, I guess David Korash decided to take his followers to “heaven” with him in a massive fiery suicide murder. It’s disgusting.  Fanatical far right lunatics mixed in with macho federal posturing, stir around with a media frenzy and you get death every time.  I thought it funny that this psychiatrist, giving the warning signs of being in a cult, was actually describing the Mormonism and Evangelical fanatics.

            I went right home from work. My left foot, the arch of it, is very sore. I probably over did walking last Saturday.  I wrote back to my nephew James Clark, who’s still in jail, but didn’t do much else because I had a phone call from Mark Lamar. He’s moved back to Indianapolis out of his mother’s house. I’m sure it’s a good move for him so he can be more sociable bringing guys home. It was good talking with him. He said he wasn’t going back for the March on Washington this time because he doesn’t have his father’s credit card this time. I had forgotten that he had charged his train ticket in 1987 to his homophobic dad. Ha!

            Anyway I watched “Pirates of Penzance”. I hadn’t seen it in ten years since I was 32 years old. Kevin Kline and Rex Smith sure were hunks!  Todd Dayley left a message that the new disk I gave David Ball worked so we don’t have to retype anything.

            I have cabin fever. I need transportation. I really do. I only go as far as I can walk or a bus will take me, when it runs. David Thometz and Jason Dimmick have already left to go back to Washington DC on a bus. That’s a long hard journey on a bus but at least they have each other to save seats.

 

21 April 1993 Wednesday

I didn’t get to bed until 10 last night so I’m dragging today. It’s supposed to be up around 70 degrees but when I went out at recess to play four squares with the kids it seemed rather cool. Mrs. Day is being formidable again. How I would like to move to a different grade to get away from working with her.

            After work I went to the post office but there were just a lot of magazines and junk mail. My legs are sore from all the walking I’ve been doing but I guess that is a good thing. I ordered a pizza for dinner tonight. It was the first time I’ve had a takeout pizza since breaking up with Jeff workman. I go from being extremely mad at him for leaving me to missing him so much that I think my heart might break.

I worked on the June Issue of the Pillar tonight until going to bed at 9. I didn’t visit with anyone tonight so I guess everything is fine with the May layout or I’d heard from someone, or maybe not.

 

22 April 1993 Thursday

I took the kids to the library this morning for them to check out reading books and while I was looking through the Thrasher Magazine for skateboarders, there was a nude picture of this guy skate boarding. I took the magazine to Mrs. Taylor the librarian and said we better get rid of this before Stanger or some parent finds out about it. We already had one mother trying to censor the library because of the scary Goosebumps book we have. Mrs. Taylor was chagrined and I thought it was funny.  I know she didn’t know how rank skateboard magazines can be but I knew from Jimmy Hamamoto as he being into the punk scene.

            Anyway I went right home after work where I had no messages so I suppose everything is okay with the Pillar. I wonder when I’ll begin to see a return on my investment now that this paper is purely a business. Bobbie Smith was working in the library at the Center but I guess we aren’t on speaking terms anymore.       

            I went to Unconditional Support tonight. Bob Manchertz was conducting the meeting since Ray Nielsen was on his way back to Washington DC for Sunday’s march and protest. About 10 men showed up at Unconditional Support tonight including Todd Bennett although he didn’t go out for coffee so didn’t get a chance to visit much with him.

            At the meeting we discussed our attitudes towards people with AIDS. I said that to me it’s no different than someone saying they have terminal cancer. There should be no stigma but just treat them as you always did just realizing that time together is shorter. I did get a little emotional at the end when I started crying. I’m not sure why. I was weepy when I tried to explain how sad I am I am at times that I created so many organizations and yet so many of the people I created them for are now dead or have moved away. Then I said how mad I am about the Reagan government having done so little to stop the epidemic and how so many Gay people still go out and get themselves infected.

            I met a fellow named Rob Moore who was an activist down in New Mexico at the meeting. He moved to Salt Lake City recently to do genealogy. I got to know him better after the meeting when we all went out for coffee at Village Inn.  At coffee, this one fellow, I think his name is Joel, overheard me talking to Rob about Jeff and he asked me if I was talking about Jeff Workman. I said yes and he said he knew Jeff from Unconditional Support and understood what I went through. He said he was sorry. I guess he witnessed Cary’s courting of Jeff. I explained how I didn’t hate Jeff that I just miss him so much. I’m sure it was after 10 before getting to sleep.

 

23 April 1993 Friday

I am glad this week is over. I had the kids work on their state maps today. I think they had fun with it. I was going to get a haircut today but I was late getting home because of a major accident on State Street and 4^th South with a car even flipped on its side. I didn’t hear a word on it on the news so I guess it wasn’t all that serious.

            Dale Sorenson and David Nelson are certainly Channel 2’s Media Queens when it come to news coverage of the March on Washington. Cameramen had pictures of them packing up and leaving for Washington and pictures of them arriving. It was actually good coverage but kind of funny also  knowing those two.

            Anyway I just pulled out the Johnson Family genealogy this evening and typed away on it until hitting the sack. In a moment of weakness, I called over to Jeff Workman’s new place just to hear his voice on his answering machine but when he actually answered I just hung up.

No one from the Pillar has called about how the layout is coming.

 

24 April 1993 Saturday

I slept in until 8 this morning, read the Tribune and began to stir. Chuck Whyte called and wanted me to pick him up on the way to the Saturday Rally at the Federal Building. It was planned by Calvin Noyes to support the goals of the March on Washington and to lift the ban on Gays in the military.

            Nearly 150 people showed up to hear speeches from Ed Mayne, President of Utah’s AFL-CIO, Lenoris Bush,  who is the vice-director of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, Calvin Noyes, Chris Brown director the Anti Violence Project, and Melisa Sillitoe all who gave pep talks for Gay Civil Rights. The crowd was good size but not very energetic. Perhaps the weather had something to do with it.  It had rained buckets last night and had barely let up just before the rally began. Still, you would hardly know it was a Gay and Lesbian Rally as there wasn’t even a rainbow flag present.

            I saw my Quaker activist friend Diane Hirschi there. She said she just had her first grandchild born this month. She wants me to attend the Mother’s Day Peace Rally at Hercules in Kerns. I said I’d try but was not too committed.  David Ball was at the rally but no one else from the Pillar except me. I was there to take notes for an article, which I did.  Others there were Becky Moss, Garth Chamberlain, Todd Bennett and his boyfriend Eric. There were lots of young people there  and that’s what I like to see.

            The rally lasted a little less than an hour so Chuck and I decided to walk over to the Post Office at Expo-Mart.  We ran into Curtis Robinson along the way and as he was going there also we all walked together visiting and catching up.

            At the post office, my refund check from the state tax commission finally came from the over payment I made last November. That was $294. I am going to put it away for my car fund. Curtis wanted to walk down to Fred Meyers an I said I’d go with him because I wanted to check out their CD players. They had an Emerson 5 disk carousel for $140 on sale so I left, went to my bank and pulled out $160 from my account.

I stopped at Radio City only long enough to vote for Bobbie Smith in the Golden Spike Awards and then took a bus back down to Fred Meyers only to find that they were out of stock. It was nearly 5:30 in the late afternoon before I was back home, with very sore feet. I typed up Johnson family histories for the rest of the evening.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         GAY ACTIVISTS MEET BENNETT AND SHEPHERD By Lee Davidson, Washington Correspondent  About 30 gay activists from Utah met Friday with Rep. Karen Shepherd, D-Utah, and Sen. Bob Bennett, R-Utah, and staff representing other members of the Utah delegation. About 100 activists from Utah plan to join the "1993 March on Washington for Gay, Lesbian and Bi Equal Rights and Liberation" - which organizers say is expected to attract 1 million gays. Dale Sorenson, who was a Utah delegate to the Democratic National Convention last year, said the group was pleasantly surprised that Bennett said he would support gay rights bills - depending on the wording - because he feels no one should suffer discrimination. The group also stood and applauded Shepherd in its meeting with her for her outspoken support of allowing gays in the military - which others in the delegation have opposed. And Sorenson said the group appreciates some help from Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah - who always wears a red ribbon on his lapel in remembrance of AIDS victims - on health issues such as AIDS. "(Reps.) Jim Hansen (R-Utah) and Bill Orton (D-Utah) are more distant. But their staffs treated us with respect," Sorenson said. The group asked the delegation to support repealing the ban on homosexuals in the military; to support passage of the Gay and Lesbian Civil Rights Act to stop discrimination in jobs, housing and credit; increasing funds for AIDS; enhancing hate crime penalties; and guaranteeing privacy, reproductive and family rights. Earlier, Utahns Kathy Worthington and Sara Hamblin embraced and excitedly explained plans to "marry" each other Saturday in a mass "wedding" with 1,000 or so other lesbian and gay couples in front of Internal Revenue Service headquarters. "We really have no protection under law right now," Worthington said. For example, "I have an ex-husband and two daughters. If I died and hadn't taken legal precautions with a will about who I want to get what, they could force Sara (her partner) out of our house." Also, even though Worthington and Hamblin plan to "marry" on Saturday, it is just symbolic and holds no legal significance - so "we can't file income taxes as if we were married, nor get health coverage."  Val Mansfield - a Utahn who is on the National March Committee, and who also plans to "marry" his partner in front of the IRS Saturday - worries that some of the wilder events accompanying the march may give the nation the wrong impression about most gays.

 

 25 April 1993 Sunday

It was a long day with emotional highs and lows.  Today is the historic March on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights. I was there with them in spirit but was  marching here in Utah.

            Yesterday I made arrangement with Melissa Sillitoe and Michelle Davies to go with them to Logan for the Cache Valley Gay and Lesbian Alliance’s first ever march and rally. They were protesting that the Logan’s Herald Journal had dumped the “For Better or Worse comic strip from their paper because it’s homosexual theme when one of its characters came out as Gay.

            Anyhow the rally was at 2 in the afternoon so we left at noon to be there on time and my, was it festive. I was impressed. Perhaps 200 or more Gays and Lesbians along with their supporters showed up on the County Court House’s lawn, carrying balloons, rainbow flags, and multi-colored signs and posters. It really put Salt Lake’s rally to shame. The media was out in droves and I had to ask camera men not to put my face on camera, although I spoke to reporters.

            The speakers were excellent, especially Rebecca Wheeler from the National Organization of Women and Darryl Ferman representing the American Civil Liberties Union. Ken Johnson, this gorgeous blond man, was the protest rally’s organizer.  Ken said he was only expecting 50 or so people so he was grateful for the turnout. A lot of folks from Salt Lake City came up to lend support.

            After the speakers, we all marched the half mile to the Herald Journal’s office building. This very sweet little old lady came up to me and said she was the mother of a Gay son who died horribly last year of AIDS. She said she knew that the Lord loved him and the Lord loves us. That was a very compassionate thing for this woman to say. She also warned us that there were a lot of hateful people gathered over at the Herald Journal. She said that they professed to be Christians but she couldn’t stand to be over there because they were so full of venom and hate. She said that she could sense that our group was full of love. I thanked her and said that her true Christian love is what will keep Gay people in the faith.

            Anyway over at the Herald Journal there were nearly 300 people as far as I could tell, acting as a counter demonstration. They were spewing hate jargon at us, and carrying signs trying to show where in the Bible it says God hates Gays. The crowd was made up of skinheads and cowboy trash who tried to block the marchers, but the police were out in full force to make the bigots let us pass.

            As hateful catcalls were hurled at us, I took notes, copied down the hateful slogans and looked in the faces of the folks who hated us. They wore red arm bands which is what the Nazis and Hitler’s youth wore as one of our speakers pointed out.  If we are so different from them why did they have to wear arm bands  to tell themselves apart from us?

            As I walked through the jeers and taunts, I said to myself, “Though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil” to bolster my anxiousness. We all had our anxious moments fearing that the police might not be able to keep some nut from shooting at us.

            I said to this older woman, who was marching with us, that this really does draw a line in the sand between good and evil and I know which side I want to be on.  Needless to say it was an anxious and yet exhilarating day. It was a true historic occasion and I’m so glad I was here to stand with these courageous Loganites , especially since I couldn’t be in Washington DC.  It’s one thing to be marching far from home and another to be marching in Logan.

            However it was nice and sunny in Logan and being out in the sun for four hours sapped all my energy. We didn’t get back to Salt Lake City from Logan until 5:30 in the late afternoon. But I did get to watch the news and we were all over the local  channels.

            I hadn’t really done anything around the apartment or grocery shopping from attending the two rallies, so I had to trek down to Smith’s to pick up a few things. The buses don’t run on Sunday so I had to carry my grocery bags home.  Once there Melissa left a message on my phone machine saying Bobbie Smith had called her wanting information about the rally. He said that I had missed the deadline and he was going to write up something. I went over to Melissa’s apartment at the Riviera Complex and she told me that she told him that I had taken extensive notes and was planning in doing a story on it. She said it sounded like Bobbie Smith was trying to sabotage me. I was really hurt.

I called Todd Dayley to ask what was happening with the paper because I thought it should have been completed by now. It wasn’t and he was distant and aloof on the phone. He said the paper is only going to be sixteen papers this time. I said when was this decided? He said when they decided they could save $200. That is exactly what I said to do at the Squatter’s Pub meeting when I was voted down. Now they’ve turned around and did it without any input on my part.

Todd Dayley said I should be getting back all the money I’ve invested this month. I asked if he was getting paid back too. He said no but he could wait. I said I didn’t have to be paid back all at once either but I knew what they are trying to do. They are trying to pay me off quickly to diminish any financial clout I had due to my large investment.

Todd Dayley then asked me to write a story about the Logan Rally although it was 7 in the evening and I was exhausted from attending the Logan protest all day. I had thought I’d be able to write it at a leisurely pace for the June Issue but Todd Dayley wanted it included in the May Issue.

I’m so disgusted I don’t know what to do. Todd Dayley also said I had to cut my “filler” articles which I had written when they decided the paper was going to be twenty pages. So I’m not even sure what is going on with the paper. Am I the editor in chief or not?

Well David Ball came over to pick up the Logan Rally article I hastily typed up. I wanted to sit him down and ask what the hell is going on with you people but as he was acting estranged from me, I thought why bother. I realize now I have no clout anymore over the direction of the paper.

I’m going to commit myself through the June Issue but if there is no improvement on how I am being treated I will tell the rest that I want a buy out of the Uranian Publishing. I think Bobbie Smith is really mental at this point. He’s worked Todd Dayley, David Ball and Brandon Creer into a frenzy against me and what did I do? Tell Bobbie Smith to quit criticizing the community so much?

He’s now on a power trip from hell and will eventually self destruct because he is self destructive. Bobbie Smith always has to have someone to hate. He thrives on conflict and that’s why I won’t give him the satisfaction of quarreling with him. He can play his silly games but he can play them by himself.

Melissa Sillitoe and I had this long conversation coming home from Logan about Bobbie Smith and he’s not well received in the community anyway. He’s lost me as his prop. Let him rise or fall. He will have to do it without me. I feel so betrayed by the four Judases. Well if they want the Pillar so much let them have it and see where it gets them. It’s become an unwelcomed burden that I don’t wish to carry anymore. I am so grateful I am away from the slum mentality that exists at the LaFrance and Del Mar Court.

I truly miss Jeff Workman right now. How I need him and he’s not here for me.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         GAY-RIGHTS ADVOCATES, OPPONENTS FACE OFF IN LOGAN Jennifer Kohler, Jamy Scott The Salt Lake Tribune. Salt Lake City, Utah: April 26, 1993. pg. A.2 Copyright Salt Lake Tribune April 26, 1993  LOGAN -- The censorship of a comic strip brought gay-rights supporters and opponents face to face Sunday outside the office of Logan's daily newspaper.    Recent segments of the comic strip "For Better or For Worse," in which a teen-age boy grapples with his decision to announce he is gay, were not printed by The Herald Journal.    Members of the Cache Valley Gay and Lesbian Alliance protested the newspaper publisher's decision to pull the comic strip. Their march from the old Cache County Courthouse to the Herald Journal offices and back, coincided with a national gay-rights protest in Washington, D.C.    Carrying signs ranging from "Hitler was a homophobic, are you?" to "Jesus loves me and my moms," gay-rights supporters sang "We are a gentle, angry people" as they marched to the newspaper office. Some members of the opposition, stationed in front of the newspaper office, shouted, "Faggots go home" and "Repent, it's happier" as about 150 gay-rights supporters passed through them.    Each group had speeches before the march. Ken Johnson, a speaker and a "concerned" member of the Cache Valley Gay and Lesbian Alliance, said the comic strip illustrated the need for gay rights. Censorship of the strip in effect censored those rights, he said.    Mr. Johnson issued several demands, namely that the comic strips dealing with homosexuality be published. He also demanded more equal treatment of gays through health care, education and civil-rights laws.    "Our founding fathers didn't write the Bill of Rights and Constitution for white, Anglo-Saxon supremacy," Mr. Johnson said. "If that's what was intended, they would have said it."    Darryl Hankins, a Logan truck driver who organized the opposition demonstration, said comics should not explore gay issues because that infringes on the rights of parents to teach their children.    "The funny paper is not a place to view your sexual preference," he said. "People in this valley need to make a stand, and we want to let them know it's a sin {to be gay}."

·         The Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Cache Valley along with Bridgerland MCC, the Cache Valley Gay and Lesbian Youth Group and their friends held the 1^st  march in Logan to protest  the Logan Herald Journal’s refusal to print the comic strip “For Better or Worse” because of its positive Gay story line. Protest March held in conjunction with the National March on Washington.

·         UTAH LOGAN MARCH IN 1993 DREW ANTI-GAY PROTESTORS, When there was an equal rights demonstration in Logan, Utah in April, 1993 (because everyone couldn't go to the national March on Washington), some 350 gay and gay-friendly people gathered for speeches and a march several blocks through town past the newspaper office and back to the county courthouse.  The protestors had great interactions with local police and great protection, especially as they were forced to pass single file through a crowd of 250 anti-gay counter-protestors who were gathered at the newspapers office.  There were no physical altercations, although several of the anti-gay people were led away, some extra-curricular items were confiscated, and a young jack-booted Nazi became the face of the anti-crowd.  It was way too good! (Memoirs of Kelly Byrnes MCC Bridgerland, Logan, Utah

 

 26 April 1993 Monday

I could not get to sleep last night for any reason. I kept tossing and turning. I think this Pillar shit is on my mind too much and my back is really sore again. I don’t know whether I am sleeping on it wrong or whether I strained it but it is really sore and tender.

This morning at the bus stop I overheard two construction working blue collar guys commenting on the Gay March yesterday. One said, “I just can’t figure it out.” And the other one said, I’ll leave them alone if they will leave me alone.” The march really has raised consciousness even among the homophobic working classes. There’s still a perception out there that we are radically different than they are and that we are after them. Ha! They must think that every woman is after them too.

Anyway I was tired all day and after dismissal, the school’s power was turned off to fix something so my windowless classroom was dark for over an hour. I curled up on the floor under my desk and took a nap.

Elayne Day told me today that she is going to read the end of level test questions to her students because “Ever body is doing it!” Well I’m not. Who said that Mormons don’t believe in situation ethics to justify whatever they want to do?

After work, I went to the barbers and finally had my hair cut. It was getting scraggy. At home, David Ball left a message that the paper went to press and should be out tomorrow. Brandon Creer called like nothing is wrong to say he wanted to hook my modem up to his new fax machine so I could send material directly to Todd Dayley. I suppose that way they never have to deal with me directly. I said fine. Like if I care anymore.

 

27 April 1993 Tuesday

I have back misery again. It’s not so severe that I can’t stand up but it’s awfully sore especially my lower back muscle. You are old Father William. I just toss and turn at night, restless. The kids were nutty today also or at least I wasn’t in the mood to put up with their shenanigans. I don’t feel well at all, out of sorts.

David Ball left a message on the machine that the second issue of the Pillar is out and they are out distributing it. Without me of course. I have not seen a copy of it yet. Afraid I might blow my stack if it’s too cut up from what I sent in. Brandon Creer called about coming over to hook up my modem. I was typing on the computer and not wanting to mess with it, so I ignored his message. I’ll do it tomorrow. I am not at his beck and call. I think he wants us all on a modem actually so we never have to face each other again. We can just communicate through the computers. How can I continue something that my heart is not in?

I typed up the Johnson family history records until going to bed.

 

28 April 1993 Wednesday

If my back doesn’t get any better, I’m going to have go see the doctors for some muscle relaxers. I took some aspirin yesterday but they didn’t do a thing to relieve the pain. I can’t sleep at night because of the pain. I wonder if a cold virus settled down into my lower back or may I just strained it by carrying too many groceries home.

Coming home on the bus from school I ran into Tony Feliz of all people. He said he had been thinking of me all day because he wanted to become involved with a Gay Pagan group and he heard that I had started the Sacred Faeries. I gave him Bobbie Smith’s number. Tony makes me nervous and not sure why. I get a creepy feeling when I am around him. He belongs with Bobbie Smith and David Ball not me.

I walked over to the Post Office and I had some videos in the post office box and some magazines. The videos were "Victor/Victoria", "The Children’s Hour", and "Body Heat." 

When I came home, I found that David Ball had put a copy of the Pillar on my doorstep. My worse suspicions were confirmed. It’s nice to know I wasn’t just being paranoid. None of the news items that I wrote made it into the paper and they cut out the “Raised Straight” Column. David Ball, Brandon Creer, and Bobbie Smith had written several articles even that weren’t sent to me as I am the Editor in Chief. The paper said also they are doing a free Personal Ad promotion for June which I had no knowledge of. The paper looked awful compared to the first issue. The articles are just crammed all together with tiny hard to read fonts. Articles were not proofed correctly; but the biggest slap to my face was that in the publication directory I was listed only as Editor, not Editor In Chief! Brandon Creer was listed as Financial Director and Feature Editor! 

The coup was complete and the content control of the paper was stolen from me. I was so hurt. I wanted to bawl. They robbed me of me of my dream, my vision. I want out. I want my investment back and a buy out of my share of the General Partnership. I don’t trust them now that I don’t have any creative control over the paper any longer. How can I guarantee that anything I promise to community people will make it into the paper? I would have no credibility within the community. Do they think this is just a fucking game?

John Reeves called me tonight and we visited for a long time about out troubles. His wife Barbara and daughter are giving him shit over his wanting the divorce. I told him how betrayed and how violated I feel by the Pillar partnership. John said “they will have lost a great deal with you gone; your vision and commitment can’t be measured in dollars and cents or in columns and inches.” He added “A Business is not ever vision and community service”.

Well, Well, Well so they thought of everything have they? Promote Brandon Creer and dump me because they think they can do it all. Let them. Who would have thought I would be betrayed by the faeries? Friendship is blind. Bobbie Smith is a felon, Brandon’s an alleged reformed drug dealer and swindler, Todd Dayley is an insecure queen, and David Ball is acting psycho. What was I even thinking getting involved with them?

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·          (04/28/93 Page: B4 sl tribune) POLICE REVIEW BOARD The membership roster for two police-review boards was completed Tuesday by Salt Lake City Mayor Deedee Corradini. The two boards were created in January to monitor the Salt Lake City Police Department's handling of residents' complaints and its own internal investigations. Controversy waits in the wings, however, because under Salt Lake Police Chief Ruben Ortega's plan, the boards will have no independent powers and may have relatively few assignments. Critics have called the boards a ``facade'' aimed at glossing over brutality issues. The boards will review only police-brutality complaints deemed to have merit by the police chief. Only the most serious cases– those involving officers' unpaid suspension, demotion or dismissal-- will be reviewed, Mr. Ortega said. Wes Pomeroy, an international expert on civilian oversight, said in February that based on the planned structure, the boards will have little impact on changing police department performance.  Mr. Pomeroy is founder of the International Association for Civilian Oversight of Law Enforcement (ICOLE). He said the boards will have too little independent authority to qualify them for full ICOLE membership. Late Tuesday, the mayor's office released the 29 names in a brief announcement. The residents will be called alphabetically on a ``rotating basis'' to serve on the Police Use of Force Review Board or the Disciplinary Review Board.  Boards will be composed of three police officers and two residents, giving police the voting majority.  Members of the review-boards ``pool'' are: Robert Archuleta, attorney; Lenoris Bush, UOIC, Maria Camargo, attorney; Rev. France Davis, Calvary Baptist Church; Chad Drage, Salt Lake County Housing Authority; Jane Edwards, YWCA; Ken Gardner, Utah State AFL-CIO; Michael Goldsmith, law professor; Peter Henderson, businessman; Jared Hernandez, financial consultant; Abby Trujillo Maestas, Rape Crisis Center; Lee Martinez, attorney; Leam Moeung, CAP; Cal Noyes, organized labor; Gordon Ottley, American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees; Mark Pehrson, People with AIDS Coalition; Gary Ratliff, Jordan Meadows Community Council. Also, Rosemarie Rendon, People With Disabilities; Nino Reyos, Native American Coordinator; James Russell, retired; Ernie Saiz, Intermountain Minority Contractors; Feliz Paul Salazar, student; Lavern Snow, Wasatch Hollow Community Council; Gwen Rowley Springmeyer, Adult Probation and Parole; Tamara Taylor, student; Lynn Tempest, Network Magazine; Kenneth Wallentine, attorney, Jeanetta Williams, NAACP; Doug Wortham, teacher

 

29 April 1993 Thursday

This afternoon I had a blow up with my kids. They wanted to do art but they were getting out of control, especially Richelle who may have started her period as well as Jennifer and Michelle. They all had severe stomach cramps and looked like death all week. It wouldn’t be unusual for them to be on the same cycle. Poor things. Of course I can’t say anything. They would be mortified that I would even think such a thing being a man teacher.

            Anyway Mark Topham was being a little shit too. He said his mother hits him when he tells her to stop swearing and that she says awful things about me at home. He’s such a little liar that I can’t believe anything he says. Also when my glasses accidently fell off, he grabbed them to play keep away. I really came unglued with that one. I suppose if this Pillar debacle wasn’t so stressful and that my back wasn’t killing me, I would have handled things differently with more patience.

At home Jimmy Hamamoto called and wanted to do dinner at Park Ivy. I said I already ate but I’d meet him there to keep him company. We visited mostly about work as I didn’t want to involve him with my problems with Bobbie Smith and David Ball. Although at one point, he asked me how I was doing and I said “not well.” I almost began to cry but quickly added “I was afraid you were going to ask me that”, so I changed the subject.

After dinner, I walked him to the bus stop and then went to the Stonewall Center to attend Unconditional Support. I wanted to hear Ray Neilson’s account of the March on Washington. However his enthusiasm was underwhelming. He said that he’d been to so many Gay Pride events that the March was no big deal to him. It’s sad that the whole historic perspective was lost on him but at least he was honest and upfront about his feelings. He added that he went mostly for the party aspect of it. That is always the least reason I go to these events.

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·          (04/29/93 Page: A1) CIRCUMCISION STOP THE MADNESS OF CIRCUMCISING BOYS, SAY UTAHNS Davyd Daniels wants to stop what he calls the ``madness'' of infant circumcision.   More than a million baby boys are circumcised in the United States every year, at a cost of more than $70 million, despite continuing controversy over the procedure's medical value. The 38-year-old Mr. Daniels has joined a growing chorus of men who are protesting what was done to them without their permission.   ``Men are coming to terms with a lot of things that have caused them pain,'' said the Murray resident, who wants to make a film about circumcision. ``I want to be a voice. To me this is a way I can contribute to the education and plead with parents to stop the madness.''   Steve Scott, who recently formed a Utah chapter of the National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Center (NOCIRC), said circumcision rates have dropped since 1980. Nationally, 60 percent of American male infants are circumcised, compared to only 15 percent worldwide, according to NOCIRC. The group does not oppose circumcision performed for religious reasons. ``This is not something we should be doing to baby boys,'' said Mr. Scott of Salt Lake City. ``Does anyone, doctors or parents, have the right to surgically alter a child without his consent?''   The Utah NOCIRC will sponsor a public forum on circumcision tonight at 7 in the First Unitarian Church, 600 S. 1300 East.   The discussion will include the history of circumcision, potential complications, medical and cultural factors, and information on the value and function of the foreskin. Routine circumcision, in which the foreskin protecting the end of the penis is surgically removed, was declared medically unnecessary in 1971 by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Since then, the academy has changed its position, now proclaiming circumcision may have some medical Benefits.   Dr. Scott Williams, an assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of Utah, said recent research shows circumcision may lessen an already low incidence of urinary-tract infections during the first six weeks of life. Penile cancer, which is rare, is slightly more common in uncircumcised males. The main reason for continued circumcision is cultural, Dr. Williams said.   ``My impression in talking to parents is many of them want it done because that's always been done in the family. Many parents think it has to be done, that there's no option. And many parents have been told that it's cleaner,'' he said.   Darillyn Starr is one mother who has campaigned against circumcision, after research convinced her it was unnecessary.   ``There's just so many myths,'' said Mrs. Starr, who lives in Mantua, Box Elder County. ``And a lot of parents don't even seem to know there is an alternative. They don't realize the majority of males in the world get along fine with a foreskin.''   Mrs. Starr, the mother of two adopted boys, convinced the LDS Church, which operates an adoption agency, to change its policy of automatically circumcising the male infants it places. She pressured the church after her second son was circumcised against her wishes before the adoption.  ``It upset me so badly I decided that I just had to write to somebody and try to get it stopped,'' she said.   People like Steve Scott say it is time for men to speak out against circumcision. For too long, the crusade has been led by mothers. ``Women, especially by doctors, are simply not taken seriously when they have protested,' 'Mr. Scott said. ``When the unbridled wrath of thousands of American men comes up in the face of the American medical community, it's going to be a different story.''

 

30 April 1993 Friday

I had another strange dream last night. I dreamt I had to go into surgery and even though I wasn’t given any anesthesia, they used a scalpel to cut around my ass. I could see and feel my blood fly out from the incision but strangely I felt no pain. Just absolute numbness. Am I having part of my life removed subconsciously, I wonder. Am I amputating a part of me that is making me ill?

            It’s the end of April and I was paid today and cleared almost $1400 for the month. My hay fever has been minimal this year although the pain in my back has made up for it in misery. I think its just stress that I am about to release.

            At home after work I watched a little TV and went to bed at 9 at night after typing up some family histories

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

·         KTKK (alias "K-Talk," AM-630) ) is moving toward talk journalism and listener interaction. According to station manager Starley Bush, the next step in that process is the hiring of John Harrington, effective next week. Harrington, a former KTVX-TV reporter and newspaper reporter, replaces Joe Redburn, who left the station last week.  JOE REDBURN is bitter he's been pushed out of K-Talk's lineup. He said he recently took a $400-a-month pay cut when his show was shifted from morning to afternoon and then last week he was told by telephone of his firing.  He could have finished this week out on the air but decided not to. He's especially upset because he believes his ratings are as good as that of other K-Talk hosts.